#9 times out of 10 trans people will have a conversation with you before having sex discussing genital preference + such

[lastwave]

t*rfs are so. ugh

[sroloc--elbisivni]

Rating the Nonsense* I found doing queer historiography research

back in 2020 I was doing a project on queer historiography prior to the queer liberation movement. Since I needed a bunch of sources, my four criteria were:

had to be accessible online (early days of the pandemic)

had to be in English

had to have been identified by another researcher or archive as queer (because i didn't have time to make arguments for every single piece of evidence)

had to be from before 1969

so, as you can imagine, I found some wild stuff. I put this together for a powerpoint party last year and now I am sharing it with the world. enjoy. includes some nsfw text.

THREE CRITERIA RATING SCALE:

"Just Saying Shit" aka wow you didn't have to cite your sources at all did you "Sure?" aka I'll go ahead and integrate that into my belief system "Creativity" aka this FUCKS

*all of this nonsense is from the non-fiction. we're not getting into the Victorian 'girdle of cunts' gangbang erotica.

EXHIBIT 1: "The Chimp," ONE Magazine, 1954. Part of a series of cartoons satirizing gay bar attendees. Ink cartoon of a chimpanzee wearing glasses sitting on a chair, martini glass held by prehensile toes. One hand is holding a cigarette and the other hand is gesturing. Caption reads "For instance, in ancient Greece, it was considered the highest form of..."

Just Saying Shit: 2/10 I fully believe the artist absolutely knew a bunch of people like this, try harder. We are just getting started. Sure?: 2/10 they just don't make 'em like this anymore Creativity: 8/10 haha fursonas in the 50s

EXHIBIT 2: Gordon Rattray Taylor, part 1. Book quote reading "According to some accounts, the Devil is equipped with a forked penis so that he can commit both buggery and fornication at the same time."

there was a book about ‘the multiple roots of homosexuality’ and if I did the whole thing we’d be here all day. This guy wrote a chapter. 

Just Saying Shit: 4/10, he’s quoting other sources but props for making it sound like it’s a factual thing about the Devil as a real person who exists. An extra point for not actually citing these sources. Sure?: 7/10 I hear hemipenes are a kink according to the scalies Creativity: 1/10 for Rattray Taylor who was quoting this but 9/10 for the original postulators.

EXHIBIT 3: Gordon Rattray Taylor, part 2. Book quote reading "As I have sought to show elsewhere (Rattray Taylor, 1954; Rattray Taylor, 1958), in societies that conceive of their deities as mother-figures, incest is regarded as the overwhelming danger and is hedged with taboos, whereas homosexuality has little importance. Conversely, in societies that conceive of their deities as father-figures, homosexuality is regarded as the overwhelming danger and is surrounded with taboos and condemnation; incest may also be tabooed but it falls far behind homosexuality in importance. I have proposed the terms matrist and patrist for those too patterns. (I do not regard "matriarchy" and "patriarchy" as satisfactory, for reasons that need not concern us here.)

Just Saying Shit: 8/10 now THAT’S what I’m talking about!! Hit me with your nonsense theories. Classic anthropology right here. Sure?: 3/10 I will regurgitate this occasionally but only because it’s kind of funny Creativity: 2/10 you did it! You broke gender essentialism down to its bare essentials and added gods!

EXHIBIT 4: Gordon Rattray Taylor, part 3. Book quote reading "The Acta Sanctorum includes accounts of "Brother Marinos," whom the other monks supposed to be a eunuch from his voice and beardlessness, who was even accused of seducing a local girl, and who turned out at death to be female; of frater Pelagius monachus et eunuchus, also a girl; of Marina, Margarita, and others. Other Instances noted by Delcourt (1961) include Athanasia of Antioch, Eugenia of Alexandria, Apollinaria, Papula of Gaul, and Hildegonde of Neuss."

Honestly i just put this one in here because it’s neat. Trans* rights.

Just Saying Shit: 0/10 you have actually clearly named your sources for once Sure?: 10/10 hey can we talk about ‘eunuch’ as not only a codified transgressive gender role but also as the rare gender&sexuality thing we can clearly translate across multiple societies– Creativity: 5/10 for not just stopping with Joan of Arc like 90% of ‘cross-dressing in the church!’ stuff

EXAMPLE 5: Edward Prime-Stevenson, part 1. Book quote reading "Of a prevalence of female similisexualism we have no historic record, but its existence is beyond doubt. Earliest legislation took little or no control of the similisexual impulses and habits. In Egypt there seems to have been no period when men were not accustomed to give free course, as by natural right, to the passion. In all dynasties, in all classes, in the army, the priesthood, in civil life, it was well-known."

Love this bastard. He wrote a 600 page book all by his damn self in 1911 and cited absolutely nothing.

Just Saying Shit: 9/10 THIS is what we’re here for. All of Egypt was gay Because I Say So Sure?: 8/10 I will believe this as a treat for me Creativity: 4/10 this fucks but points off for using it to argue the Torah is homophobic

EXAMPLE 6: Edward Prime-Stevenson, part 2. Book quote reading "The "Sexual Germ" in Friendships. Meantime, however displeasing to the reader, let it be affirmed that all real friendships between men have a sexual germ."

BEHOLD MY MOST ABSOLUTE FAVORITE QUOTE I PUT IN MY THESIS

Just Saying Shit: 12/10 absolute madlad fucking love it Sure?: 5/10 torn between ‘I want to believe’ and ‘dude i think that might just be you’ Creativity: 7/10 because I love it. The shippers were right.

EXAMPLE 7: Edward Prime-Stevenson, part 3. Book quote reading "Socrates was similsexual. Not readily can we dismiss the idea that Christ was such--and saints may have been Uranians."

Just Saying Shit: 9/10. Look at him go. Elaborate on that??? (P-S: no.) (that’s a lie he goes on other places to explain his ship manifesto for Christ and John the Baptist) (CATHOLICS IN THE AUDIENCE DO NOT @ ME I KNOW THEY'RE COUSINS. ARGUE WITH THE DEAD GUY.) Sure?: 9/10 we’ve all seen Jesus Christ Superstar (1973) Creativity: 3/10 again. we’ve all seen Jesus Christ Superstar (1973)

EXAMPLE 8: Edward Prime-Stevenson, part 4. Book quote reading "The Instant Hostility of the Roman Church; and of Mariolatry. This was not all. For the sentiment hostile to similisexual love, bent on making it the most depraved of instincts, increased just as the Catholic Church exaggerated its respect for the humble mother of the Redeemer. The new Faith made the worship of the Feminine-Abstract, the Blessed Lady the Immaculate Version, a mysterious, strenuous cult; even to displacing by it the just adoration of Christ. Woman, as typified by the Virgin, was held up as the ideal of the world-heart. Mariolatry, the fine flower of feminine concepts became the special policy of the Roman Church, in shrewd concession to human, aesthetic impulses, and in a perpetual combat of male sexualism. Just as Christianity had darkened existence with the gloom and gore of the cross, so the sentiment of Mary worship was to effeminize the social and sexual life of the male."

Was I just supposed to leave out him calling the entire Roman Catholic Church emasculated. 

Just Saying Shit: 7/10 because he thinks he’s making a reasonable argument here Sure?: 4/10 my dude did you try to seduce a guy only for him to wax eloquent about the Virgin Mary Creativity: 2/10 I feel like this is just misogyny. Sorry people aren’t making religious statues of who you find hot

EXAMPLE 9: Walt Whitman's Anomaly--WC Rivers. Book quote reading "What really attracted him about manual labour was the picturesque male images it called up. "To be lean'd and to lean on," is quite an unfatiguing use of the seven-pound felling axe. Then there is his robust aspect. President Lincoln's exclamation on first seeing him-- "Well, he looks like a MAN!" --is much quoted by biographers."

Love this pamphlet. Just a dude in the 1910s going ‘I think Whitman was gay!’ with genuine delight and surprise. He a little confused but he got the spirit.

Just Saying Shit: 4/10 this is a very well documented quote but what a way to use it Sure?: 12/10 HEY ABE?? HEY ABE LINCOLN?? THIS IS UP THERE AS ONE OF THE GAYEST THINGS YOU EVER SAID Creativity: 7/10 for the circumstances in which this quote was employed namely in a chapter about possible objections to Whitman being gay 

FINAL TALLY

-God I love history

-why can’t I Just Say Shit

-Go read Shel Silverstein’s Fire Island Playboy cartoons

[hungerofhadarr]

Me and my close friends have had this talk before bc it comes up every so often but sometimes . Some of you . Like to use your queer identity like a bargaining chip or as a shield against criticism . Can’ t bring up any possible discussion that could be constructive without someone ( usually . Not always but very commonly white ) brining up their queerness to almost try and kill the conversation . That this cannot apply to you because you’ re queer in some manner . How can you be bigoted ? You experience oppression . And … yes . You do . No one is denying that fact .

But to use your identity as a weapon , to hold out this piece of you to try and silence others , especially ones within your own community , you understand what you’ re doing . You have to . From every white queer listing the countries they are “ banned in “, playing make believe that they would ever visit any one place and imagining the harm they would experience at the hands of ( 9 times out of 10 ) non white individuals . From every gay man saying that they don’ t care for women in media , not because they are misogynistic , but because they’ re not attracted to them so they cannot find a reason to care .

From every non - trans queer saying they cannot be transphobic , they’re queer , so how could they ? From every tme queer saying they cannot be transmisogynistic , they’ re trans , so how could they ? From every endosex person saying that they cannot be interphobic , we’ re all different anyways , it’ s all fake , so how could they be ? From every person pushing back on learning , on understanding , on criticism , and using their identity as the shield . The catch-all . The end of a discussion

And it doesn’ t stop in queer only discussions . Many times have I found myself trying to be silenced in discussions of racism because … people don’ t want to talk about it . It’ s uncomfortable for them , to possibly face the fact they’ re being harmful or having someone discuss the things they do with clear distaste . Most of these reactions are not born of ignorance , but of a hate at the pushing of their own comforts . They know what they are doing . And they can use their queer identity , proof of oppression , to tell me to shut up . In a passive aggressive manner , of course . But it’ s still the same message .

How can I hurt others ? I get hurt too ! But you’ ve never unlearned anything . You’ ve never understood what is hurting others . You’ ve never took a step back and tried to see the world from outside of your own lens . You’ ve never wanted to challenge your own comfort even for a second , and you’ ve decided hurting people is easier . Hurting people is good , because it upholds you . And you’ re the only one that matters

[unfriendlyamazon]

20 question writer meme

love to do these thank you for taggin gme @alectoperdita

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

51 fics (plus a secret one when i made a fire emblem ao3)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

222,579 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

YGO is my main one, but i'd really like to break into stardew valley and aforementioned fire emblem 3 houses

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Baby Dragon (no surprise there)

Liking You and Me

Sweater Weather

In Awe of Flowers

A Hand to Hold

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do my very best to respond to comments because they make me so happy but sometimes if the fic is really old or I just don't feel like it I may not.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really write a lot of angsty fics. Probably my angstiest work over all is Competitionverse and No Such Thing As A Free Lunch specifically since that's sort of about how things don't work. I have some angstier stuff in the works because I really want to dig into some Wheeler trauma. Did I ever post my vampire Joey origin on here? That's probably the saddest thing I've ever written.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably when I wrote Seto proposing to Joey

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten a few comments especially since I write trans characters and a weird one on my fire emblem fic but I'm not afraid to delete.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I didn't used to! It was more I didn't trust my abilities but now I've gotten lots of practice and I find smut easiest to write. It has a inherent climax.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I write a lot of AUs but have yet to write a crossover. Maybe I should. Maybe it's time for some characters to meet each other.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I bounce ideas off @kaijous all the time and I would say we've co-written some stuff, though I don't think any of it's published.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

KaiJou 4 Eva

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Honestly back in the day I used to start so many fics I never finished which is why I've focused on one shots or series so at least I have something complete. I have a restaurant au in mind that's sort of based on The Bear and I'd really like to dig into it but it just seems like so much work. Of my published ones... Star Trek AU I'm sorry I abandoned you.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at natural dialogue and I hope my conversations flow. One thing I like to do and hopefully I'm good at is having characters react without recognizing their feelings. Especially with Seto Kaiba I try my best to write around the actual emotion he's experiencing because I don't think he'd recognize it. I think of this piece of writing advice every day of my life.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I write from third person limited perspective and I really could have a more distinct voice for each character. I'm also a bit repetitive I know.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

It's something I struggle with especially when I write explicitly international characters. I very rarely write out non-English dialogue partially because I don't want to screw it up, and I go back and forth on italicizing non-English dialogue which I have some thoughts and feelings on that have been explained better by other people. I think especially with a Japanese speaking cast I've taken some notes from webcomics actually, but ultimately if the audience is meant to understand there's no reason to obscure it. In fact the only fic I have done another language for a fic is one where I had Seto speaking Vulcan, which is a made up language that I don't feel as strongly about screwing up.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Honestly... I think it might be YuGiOh. A long, long, long time ago I had friends posting script style fanfiction on DeviantArt and I joined in on the fun. The first fandoms I was really part of and writing fic for was Teen Titans and Avatar: the Last Airbender. Zutara and Raven/BB, in case it wasn't completely obvious.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Oh boy this is a tough one. Baby Dragon is a favorite of mine, as is In Awe of Flowers, but to be honest I think it might be Sons. It's not my most polished piece but I managed to make a fic out of the feelings I had around Grandpa and Joey that carries a lot of emotional weight for me.

To keep it going I'm gonna tag @kaijous @luxielovesparkles and whoever else wants to do it. i've been massively depressed lately but i'm crawling out of my hole and i think it's time to write again...

[mazegays]

could've followed my fears all the way down

Chapter 6

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

Thomas’s group ends up being hand-picked by Vince two days before they leave. Michael, Lily, and Tina, all Immunes, all older than him, all people he’s never spoken a word to.  

He doesn’t tell Gally until the morning of. Gally will tell him not to go, and he’ll be right.

He shouldn’t go. He knows he shouldn’t.

“You coming with me today?” Gally asks. He’s been bouncing around doing light tasks— Anya won’t clear him for harder work until he gains weight.

It’s more than a fair assessment of his physical state, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it.

“No, Jorge and Vince have something they want me to do.”

“You don’t have to say yes, Thomas.”

He already has.

“I know. You might not see me a lot the next few days.”

“Alright, Greenie. Go do your super-secret task.” There’s something a little cold in Gally’s tone, and the urge to tell him everything rushes through Thomas.

He turns away before he can, despite the sourness of the unspoken words in his mouth.

“Are we ready?” Thomas picks up his pack. He knows it’s the lightest of the group: spare clothes and bandages, mostly.

Well, and the handgun that Jorge has insisted he take. For protection, he says.

Just holding it makes Thomas’s stomach twist. If he had a choice, he’d never carry one again. But it’s no use. None of his group have even held a gun before. 

“If you find anything useful and light enough to carry, bring it back.” Vince orders.

“We will, Vince.” Michael says. They all just want to get this over with.

Stepping through the Flat-Trans is cold as always, but nothing could ever be worse than when Thomas sees what’s likely Teresa’s hand—now only bones—under the rubble.

She’d shoved him out of the way, and this is what she’d gotten for it. An exposed grave, her flesh no doubt eaten away by animals.

“Should we— ” Lily starts, quietly. Thomas shakes his head, still staring at the bones.

“She wouldn’t want us to waste our time digging up her body when we have more important things to be doing. Trust me,” He ignores the looks the other three send each other. “Teresa was all about the mission.”

He understands that now, even if he hadn’t before. Why she’d decided to dedicate herself to WCKD the way she had, he doesn’t know.

He doesn’t remember.

He wonders when the two of them split. When Teresa originally decided that she was going to aid WCKD, no matter the cost.

finish on ao3 or continue reading

“Which way first? Should we split up?” Tina suggests, and Thomas forces himself to look away.

He’s not here to grieve. He’s here on a job, and he can’t get distracted thinking about anything else.

“No, not yet.” He decides. “Not until we’re all a little more familiar with the layout. Where it’s safe, and where we can’t go.” He walks past the rubble, past Teresa’s hand, her crushed body.

There’s nothing left for them there. But he knows where there might be.

Somehow, most of the building is still intact, farther out. Past the worst of the rubble, it’s clearly visible. 

“We have to get to that? How are we going to do that in a few days?” Michael scoffs.

“We’re not.” Thomas gestures to the less-blown-apart section closer by. “We’ll reach that section by nightfall. That’s our first stop. Only stop, if we find something. If we don’t, then we’ll split up. One of you will stay with me and the other two will go back and let Vince and Jorge know what’s going on.”

“Why did you pick us?” Lily asks. “You don’t know us. You’ve never worked with us.” So they don't even know that he didn't pick them? Why wouldn't Vince have told them that?

“Because Vince’s stipulation was that I don’t bring any of my friends, and they’re basically the only people I know. Some of them would have wanted to come.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“It doesn’t have to. Maybe he’s worried we’d all break down out here. Maybe he just wants me to talk to more people. I can’t really say.” Thomas sits down, ending the conversation. Lunch is quiet, and he misses sitting with his friends. He wants to turn back now, but he knows he can't do that.

What will Jorge tell them when they realize he hasn’t been there in days?

There’s nothing interesting or helpful on the way to their section. Thomas marks a few spots to indicate they’ve already been there, but he doesn’t really think they’ll get turned around.

“Do you think there are any Cranks around here?” Tina asks.

“No idea.” He doesn’t tell them about the gun. Now’s not the time to stop and pull it out the bag.

They might think he’s trying to kill them.

“We don’t have anything to hold them off.” Michael points out. “We’re pretty much dead if there are.”

“Brenda and I got away from Cranks mostly by running once.” Thomas says, offhandedly. Brenda had shot the one, in the end, but mainly they’d run away and stayed hidden. “We’ll be fine. Any Cranks we’d be likely to see wouldn’t be coherent at all anymore.”

“Well, just because you and Brenda,” Tina starts, “did it doesn’t mean we can!” He turns around to find the three of them have stopped walking.

“Look, I have a gun, okay? Jorge insisted I bring one. I know how to use it. When I say we’ll be fine, I mean it. The most dangerous thing here is probably a wall falling on us, and we’ve stayed away from the most unstable ones.”

“What is it with you Maze kids? Why are you always like this?” Lily says. 

He thinks it comes out meaner than she wanted it to. It’s not something they can understand. Thomas knows he can’t explain it to them.

“Yeah, what’s up? You were in a Maze, locked away from the world. How hard could it have been?” Michael adds.

“Weren’t you three raised in Denver?”

“Yeah, but we still had to deal with the world.” Michael rolls his eyes. “You didn’t.”

“You’re right.” Thomas says. “We didn’t. Instead, we had no memories, creatures roaming the Maze that could put us through the Changing or just kill us. They did, when we escaped. Boys died when we got out of the Maze. It wasn’t a home, it was a trap. A trial. Both Mazes were. We couldn’t leave easily. And then the Scorch— you know, the big desert full of Cranks? It’s not like kids didn’t die there, either. I nearly got blown up, then chased by Cranks, and then shot. And then we find out WCKD has more plans for us. When I say I know what I’m doing, I mean it. If you don’t want to be left behind, keep up.”

He knows that not everyone knows everything about the Maze, about the trials. He’d just thought enough of it was common knowledge that something like this wouldn’t happen. That maybe they had enough decency to not bring up all of that trauma.

Thomas sets a hard pace for the rest of the day—he knows he’s not ready for it, let alone the others who don't have the running experience he does, but he doesn’t care. 

Why had he agreed to this?

Even when they settle for the night, things are quiet. He knows the others are talking, maybe about him, but he doesn’t listen for their words. He’s not out here to listen to their judgements, he’s here because they needed supplies and he couldn’t go alone.

Maybe he should break off from the group tomorrow. He could clear the distance between the farthest section of the building a lot faster alone— running— and he could just meet them back here. 

Yeah, because that would go over so well when they got back.

His friends are already going to be pissed. It won’t surprise him if Gally and Minho team up to lock him in a cabin.

Turning his back to Michael, Lily, and Tina, Thomas falls asleep.

He’s the first to wake up. If he knew that the others wouldn’t flip out if they woke up to find him gone,  he’d go on a run. He doesn’t know them well enough to judge their reactions, and after yesterday, it’s better not to risk it.

Minho, Gally, Sonya, Harriet, even Aris—they would understand. 

Instead, he sticks with some stretching and setting out food. They have a lot of ground to cover here today.

There are basic things: a portable medkit, mostly intact, a few carry-on water filters. Easy enough to slide into their bags. 

“What are we looking for, exactly?” Tina picks up one of the filters. “These will be helpful and all, but there has to be something bigger.”

That, Thomas isn’t allowed to tell them. It’s why he couldn’t bring his friends.

He’s looking for any files that might still be around. Files about them. WCKD had to have files on them; nothing they did would make sense otherwise. Medical records, their names, anything that he can get his hands on.

“If you find any tech that’s not sparking or otherwise hazardous, grab it. If nothing else we can use it for parts.” Is his answer. “This is a general supply run. Whatever we find will work.” He keeps moving, straying from them as they continue to pick through the rubble. He doesn’t notice when they break for lunch, and they don’t remind him. By the time night falls, he’s out of yelling distance.

It’s fine. He’s found a half-dozen pieces of tech and another salvageable medkit. Tomorrow he’ll let them catch up with him and they’ll continue on a little farther.

The day after that, he’ll send Michael and Lily back and he and Tina will keep going to the farther ruin. There will be something there. He knows it, somehow. Either it’s a memory or just a gut feeling, Thomas is going to follow it.

“Okay, we’ve cleared a lot of ground here. Michael, Lily, I want you to go back and fill Vince and Jorge in. Tina and I will move forward to the next ruin, and they’ll decide whether or not to send anyone else out immediately or wait for us.”

Thankfully, there’s been little conflict between them for the past few days. They eat and work in near-silence.

“How will we know where to go?” Lily asks.

Had they not seen him marking the path every so often?

“I marked the way we came as we went along with this.” He holds up a blue chalk. “Follow those and you’ll be fine. If there were Cranks out here, we would have seen them by now. You’ll get back alright. I know it’s midday, but if we split now we’ll all be that much farther along by nightfall.” Thomas offers Tina a hand up and they start walking.

Maybe he’s making a bad decision sending Lily and Michael back together, but it’s better than risking one of them attacking him or something when they’re alone.

“You don’t think it’s weird that we haven’t seen Thomas in days?” Gally is nearly growling, and he tries to rein himself in.

“We’ve gone days without seeing him before, Gally.” Harriet reminds him. Yeah, but that was before he tried to drown himself. It's different now. Scarier.

“Yes, but one of us always knew where he was then!”

‘I always knew where he was.’ He adds to himself. 

“This is different. Jorge and Vince needed him for something, but you’d think we’d still see him around.”

“Not if he went on through the Flat-Trans.” Minho points out. “It’s the most likely option, shank. Not the best one. I don’t know why Thomas wouldn’t have told one of us. Or taken us with him.”

“Because he couldn’t?” Sonya suggests. “Thomas wouldn’t hide something this big unless they told him to.”

“That’s what I’m worried about. He collapsed a few weeks ago. He hasn’t been eating right. He doesn’t know what to do with himself right now and I think this will make it worse.” Thomas had been restless the last time Gally saw him. Gally wouldn’t like it either, not being able to do much, but he doubts he would do… whatever it is Thomas is doing.

“He likes having something to do. It’s how he was in the Glade, too. Waiting is worse on him.”

“I know, Minho, but none of you really saw him when he was just staying in my cabin. There would be days he wouldn’t move unless I moved him. It was scary.”

“I’m sure Thomas is fine, Gally.”

Gally should tell them about the lake. He should tell them about the storm, and about all the scars on Thomas’s body. About the knife he had to take away. About the vials he’d taken and maybe planned on drinking, just to die. 

He won’t.

Thomas won’t forgive him for that. They’ve both been talking to Jamie, and she’s helped a lot.

Well, she’s helped Gally, at least. He doesn’t know what Thomas has been saying, if he’s been talking about any of it.

It hasn’t been long enough. Thomas isn’t okay enough, isn’t healthy enough, to go anywhere.

Something’s going to happen. And Gally trusts Thomas. He does.

He trusts Thomas not to hurt himself, not now. He’s been trying. 

He doesn’t trust Thomas not to put himself in danger unnecessarily above others because he knows he’ll get hurt or die.

He catches Harriet’s eye and she nods.

She’s the one who knows the most about this, apart from him.

“Gally, I’ll talk to Jorge and Vince with you after dinner.” She says. “Make them tell us where they sent Thomas. They can’t stop us from wanting to know.”

But they can withhold any information they know.

[anarkittywantspatsonthehead]

It is NOT BOY MODING. It is A TOMBOY AND It LIKES THE WAY It DRESSES.

By lain. It its she they.

It amazes me when It sees this word brought up on the internet. The term Boy Moding is used and often applied to trans women who use Boy clothing and fashion to hide the effects of HRT to be able to pass through safely without being clocked or singled out for being transgender. But it seems, at least to it, that this term often gets applied to women of it's variety without question of what they actually identify as. To it, the term "Boy moding" is rooted and based on passing culture and societal standards of what women should look like, act, think, and express themselves. For instance, I my self personally Identify as a tomboy. Which is a term often applied to cis women who have a preference for Boy clothing. This isn't to say that I don't own dresses or skirts or other articles of clothing how ever, I personally tend to pair these items with over sized hoodies, t shirts, and various crop tops that I've made over the years even before I came out of the closet. To that effect I will say that I believe there is a stark difference between subcultures within the lgbtqia+ and I am here to provide some nuance to this conversation.

It guess you could say for my own personal identity that there is also a community behind it. There are alot of stereo types that It fits when it comes to generalizing trans women. There are a lot of girls who are actually hyper passing dolls, i.e. a few of it's friends who are in the drag community. The ones who try to blend and pass as what our society has labeled as a woman. And then there are girls like it, who embrace the more counter culture type of aspects of being a woman as well as being gender nonconforming. Girls who are like me reject traditional gender norms as well as challenge the definition of femininity. I remember one conversation that I had with my sister M. I used to be a full service sex worker and I was thinking about taking it up again and she had said, "If you really want to get back into sex work you will have to ask yourself what matters more to you, passing or being your self." That sat with me very much and she kind of got in my head about it. At first i thought, "maybe I can do both I'm pretty attractive." But then I realized that sex work really wasn't for me because I am not willing to compromise characteristics that make me a more complete person as a whole for capital.

With this being said, It believe that to help with the stigma that goes a long with being A. Labeled as a "boy moder" and B. Being misgendered based solely on the appearance of how you present your own version of being gender nonconforming in internet spaces as well as public spaces. Recently it got misgendered at work. The owner of the restaurant it washes dishes at had used second person pronouns to address it when it uses third person pronouns preferably even in the work place. When the discussion was had, the owner of said restaurant had flat out refused to use its preferred pronouns and had its identity denied. After that it had spent the whole shift crying, contemplating, formulating an escape plan because all it could think about were the times that it had its gender questioned or policed in many hostile work environments. The evidence while clearly anecdotal is a prime example of what transgender women, and trans gender tomboy women have to deal with 9/10 times on any given day of the fucking week.

To wrap things up, we discussed that The term Boy Moding is used and often applied to trans women who use Boy clothing and fashion to hide the effects of HRT to be able to pass through safely without being clocked or singled out for being transgender. How ever over the course of this post we break down the terms loosely and talk about how very prominent distinctions there are in subcultures between trans and queer people. We also talk about the ways that passing culture can effect the ways we view and perceive subcultures and how these perceptions can make it difficult for gender nonconforming people to navigate in social spaces. Now referring to itself in the first person, to me I think the term Boy moding is gross. Boy moding is a way for people to gender all of us incorrectly and keep more struggling women in the closet. If you are non binary, or any form of gender non conforming person hear this. It is okay to be a woman and still embrace masculinity. Boy clothing does not make it any less of a woman nor does being identifiably trans make it a man pretending to be a woman.

It is NOT BOY MODING. It is A TOMBOY AND It LIKES THE WAY It DRESSES.

It feels femme even though it doesn't identify as a regular human. It feels feral when the full moon comes. It likes to bite the ones it loves. It wears jeans sometimes to work or maybe sometimes a skirt. Even though it's a creature that causes alot of messes. It IS NOT BOY MODING. IT IS A TOMBOY AND IT LIKES THE WAY IT DRESSES.

[opinated-user]

you never proved the sankaku accounts from before were lily's

you never proved the ewhatever account was hers

this newly discovered account isn't privated like it would be if it were actually hers and she was trying to hide it

you can't groom an audience

liking stuff in fiction is not the same as liking it irl so even if all of these were actually hers it wouldn't mean anything. fiction is not reality. i want to marry captain picard, that doesn't mean i chase down old men in the streets

my understanding that she's just joking about sex and talks about it sometimes doesn't make her a predator isn't some gotcha against lily that means she's a pedophile

calling trans people you don't like pedophiles is gross

when even the other people who have mindless grudges against a trans indigenous woman think you're crazy, reassess your arguments. if your fellow bigots think you're off the rails it's more likely that you're off the rails than it is that everybody else is wrong and you're the sole beacon of truth

in order for lily to actually groom someone she'd need to talk to them one on one extensively and actually most lily fans i know get total silence from her if they reach out or at best one brief conversation

gee isn't it interesting that when straight guys do everything lily does it's not grooming but when a trans non-white person does it it's suddenly grooming and when they do it it's not pedophilia but when she does it's 100% pedophilia

i hope you know the only reason i'm not blocking you is because the more time you spend here it's less time that you're with LO. 1. i never said we did. i said that LO has acted highly suspicious since the accounts came out and the timing of them finding out with being eliminated or privated was noteworthy. a troll or an innocent user wouldn't have done that. 2. that actually LO confirmed herself by tangling herself on a bunch of lies that were also debunked before (with IP adresses included).

3. LO's twitter is still privated and was privated literally hours after Brittany posted that first anon. interesting timing, don't you think? 4. you can. how do you think that cults are formed? 5. if 3D hyperealistic porn of little children made by people who uses real childre as references was actually the kind of content that LO enjoys in private... i do find that worth the conercing. almost as much as you thinking that can be compared with you wanting to marry a fictional character. 6. your understanding is wrong. she's primming you to accept sexual behaviour from her so you, or other minors on her audience, won't see anything wrong when she does become more directly predatory. hiding something behind "jokes" doesn't mean they're okay things to do or say. 7. if we didn't had any evidence or reason to believe they're a danger to anyone, indeed, it would be wrong. but calling out someone that has been exhibiting to be an abuser and manipulative predators for years is only fair, regardless of their identity. many of the people she has lied about and hurt were trans. are you going to advocate for them in front of LO? 8. people having disagreements is a normal part of human interaction. i know that hanging around LO might make you forget that since she treats all disagreement as harassment but out there in the real world people talk about things all the time. it's not the gotcha you think it is. 9. no. 10. straight guys have done the same things as LO and you know what happened to them? their platform got shut down and have dozens of videos talking about their misdeeds. if anything it's remarkable that LO has been so gross so openly for so long and yet, very few videos have actually dare to call her out. i wonder if people so willing to use her identity as a shield with her approval, might have something to do with that? edit: had to correct mistake. the favourites are still there, i just payed attention to the bottom part that said "no matching posts" and not the actual favourites.

[inaturalist-propaganda]

absolutely hilarious

They hid another one of my posts and I only discover this while copying text for the email I'm writing to CAOS!

Archived link.

= = =

May 30, 2023, 10:16pm 9

Astra_the_dragon said:

I will note that slow mode and temporary closing of threads is not a punishment – it is buying time and preventing a thread from spiraling into further chaos when people get heated. it’s the right thing to do, assuming that when the dust clears, decisive action is taken.

The problem is that the thread was only put into slow mode, and then later closed, after the tension had already ended and the conversation moved on. Both times, the “negativity” was already over.

The only reason it became “negative” once more is because yet another post came through misgendering me, with the staff liking that post rather than saying a simple, “Hey, you were asked to stop, so stop.”.

Putting the thread in slow mode and then closing it even after the conversation had moved on was punishing us for calling out bigotry, whether it was purposefully intended that way or not.

The last few posts before the thread was closed was talking about ways to try out pronouns. No one was being mean or getting heated.

And the fact that us calling out the bigotry in the most civil way possible for what we’re reacting to being treated as worse than the bigotry itself? Inexcusable.

Calling someone transmisic when they’re purposefully misgendering you is not name calling, and treating both sides as though we’re equally at fault and equally doing harm is just victim blaming.

[ID: The meme from the show Gravity Falls of Dipper looking at a piece of paper, which has now been edited to be blank, saying, “Woah.”. The paper has been edited to read, “In all cases, be respectful to every person here, whether LGBTQIA+ or ally.”.

Dipper then looks up at someone offscreen, and continues, “This is worthless!”.

His hat has been edited to now be in the colors of the trans and nonbinary solidarity flag, with stripes of purple, black, blue, pink, yellow, white, yellow, pink, blue, black, and purple.

End ID.]

It’s not enough to just say “if someone asks you to refer to them in a certain way, please respect that choice” while liking the post where someone continues to misgender me and defends doing so, without doing anything to remove these bigoted posts.

If you want to say the posts should be left up for posterity and as a learning opportunity, you can quote them in a new post that says saying things like that are not okay.

The fact that four normal users had to intervene and defend me while the staff did nothing but punish everyone after the conversation was already over is not okay. The fact that all the staff and mods who interacted here equated both sides and tone policed is not okay.

Respecting trans people’s pronouns is not difficult, and it is the absolute bare minimum required to be a trans ally.

With the reaction the staff/mods gave here, it honestly would have been better if you’d done nothing. Normal users had already stepped in to the correct the misgendering and defend me and other trans people, all the staff and mods did was tone police, victim blame, acting like responding with annoyance to purposeful misgendering is “too extreme” even though we were all being perfectly civil. Trust me, I could have been swearing up a storm and throwing around insults but I didn’t. Neither did anyone else.

It’s almost Pride month.

No one expects people to be perfect on the first try but you do have to listen when you’re told that what you’re doing is harmful. Everyone here is assumedly an adult, many of you probably older than I am, and you should know by now that “I don’t care who started it” just punishes the victim.

Next time something like this happens, the posts misgendering the other user (or even just a hypothetical person) need to be removed, and a post by a mod saying “Misgendering of any kind will not be tolerated”. It’s that simple. That’s all you had to do.

And if you’re going to shut the thread again now because we’re being “too negative” that’s just going to prove you don’t actually want to support trans people, you just say it for show. Supporting trans people means shutting down misgendering, not shutting down a thread when the conversation has already moved on and we’re helping eachother try out new pronouns :|

I would have enjoyed being featured on iNat for Pride month but until the staff/mods actually put in the effort to recognize bigotry when it’s staring them in the face and learn to respond accordingly rather than pretending all sides in every conflict are equally at fault and equally harmful, that’s not going to happen. I’ve already got my profile that anyone can read.

Letting iNat show me off to show how inclusive the site is when they won’t even stop someone from misgendering me is just…no. iNaturalist isn’t inclusive just because the userbase is diverse, not when someone misgenders me and the corrections to this misgendering are treated as worse than the misgendering in the first place.

If you want iNaturalist to actually be Inclusive™ and welcoming to Queer people, including trans people, including nonbinary people, including nonbinary people who use pronouns you don’t like or understand then an apology needs to be made, the situation has to be brought to more people’s attention isntead of swept under the rug (you don’t have to use our names, just say “one user” “a trans user” ect.), you (general you) need to explain why your response was wrong so you can show that you actually understand what you did wrong, then you have to do better.

It’s 2023. Anti-trans legislation is being passed in the USA that’s literally making being trans punishable by death. Removing two posts that misgender a trans user after multiple normal users who have zero power have spoken up in correction and defense is not asking anything but the bare minimum.

The iNaturalist staff need to decide whether they think purposeful misgendering is a simple “difference of opinion”, or hate speech. And if you decide it’s simply a matter of opinion, then you better make it clear that you don’t have trans users’ sides and the rainbow on the icon is just as shallow as any other corporate pridewashing for June.

Do not hide or remove these responses just because they’re “too negative”. If you aren’t willing to be told what you’re doing wrong, or admit that you’ve done wrong, you will never be able to do anything right.

Anyways I made free icons for allies to use anywhere you want. They’re public domain because I made them and I hate capitalism and I say so. You can download them here:

"https://archive.org/details/proud-ally-diagonal-flag-pins-and-icons"

and request more flags / specific labels to ally with by PMing me here or just commenting on the web archive page if you have an account. You can buy a pre-made pin from my Threadless shop too, they’ll appear here when I’m done uploading them (which will take half an hour probably)

= = =

Go ahead and explain to me what part of this post is more offensive, aggressive, or inappriate than purposefully misgendering trans people when you know it's wrong the week before Pride month.

[eddiethenerdbro]

I posted 4,966 times in 2022

That's 4,460 more posts than 2021!

103 posts created (2%)

4,863 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hydepotions

@starscreamfireworks

@clioquev

@science-bastard

@queen-fenestra

I tagged 845 of my posts in 2022

#phantom of the paradise - 64 posts

#jekyll and hyde - 31 posts

#thursday - 27 posts

#riverspeaks - 26 posts

#ask riverthenerdbro - 19 posts

#art - 12 posts

#the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde - 11 posts

#goncharov - 11 posts

#hah - 10 posts

#mazm jekyll and hyde - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#autism is getting one of those locks where you have to set a word to open the lock just so you can lock and unlock it every night

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

24 notes - Posted February 24, 2022

#4

Like if you’re dehydrated 

Reblog if you’re dehydrated

27 notes - Posted February 15, 2022

#3

I have a drawing idea

Orin scrivello polishing his boots

28 notes - Posted January 18, 2022

#2

Hey y'all!

I just wanted to talk about an issue that I've been personally facing. Very often, whenever I'm looking at trans tiktoks, most of the time, it's only skinny, muscular guys, not that there is any problem with that! It's awesome!!!! But I have found that looking at all these people, I start to feel very insecure about myself.

I am not a "skinny minnie" as my mum says. I am very self conscious about my hips and my thighs, as they give me a very feminine appearance. I sometimes feel like I will never be able to pass as a guy, because people will just assume because of how my body looks. I have already experienced this at my school, and I get worried that this will happen to me forever.

My friends are super supportive, including my boyfriend, which helps like crazy!! Speaking of things that I find helpful for ⭐mentally passing⭐, I'll list a few!

I find it incredibly awesome to wear some kind of belt (my favorite being one that's black with white belt buckle hole things!) just because it feels like a staple masc part of an outfit to my brain!

Another thing that I find helps is wearing really colorful jewelry, like rainbow dog tags, rainbow bracelets, or really funky rings! I usually have them set out in a spot where I always see them, and I immediately put them on first thing in the morning.

Shoes that make you happy! I have a pair of butter orange converse that I usually wear in the summer, and late fall. Bonus for me, pairing funky boots with equally funky socks! My favorite pair being Nightmare Before Christmas ankle socks!

Always have a hoodie or jacket on hand! Ever feeling super, shmooper dysphoric? Feeling super wrong? Just find yourself a comfy hoodie, jacket, vest, or whatever! My three favorite dysphoria reliving jackets are a black jean jacket, with various pins, a burgundy red zip up hoodie, and a hand me down vest with even more weird pins on it! I find that this relives most forms of dysphoria I experience.

I hope this list helps some of my fellow trans mascs, or just fellow trans people in general! Most of these tips are relating to trans guys, as I, myself am one, but any of these could help you! I always enjoy talking about my experiences, and if any of my tips help, I'm glad they do!

Have a good day/night/afternoon everyone!

33 notes - Posted June 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hello everyone!

My name is River, and I’m a really funky dude!

On this blog, you might see:

Phantom Of The Paradise (and Phantom Of The Opera) 

Jekyll & Hyde 

Muppets (in general) 

Little Shop Of Horrors

Magnus Archives 

And may other things! I have a rather eclectic taste in things, and I often post really random content

Hope You Enjoy Your Stay Here! 

No Racist, Homophobic, Transphobic, Sexist Assholes Allowed 

36 notes - Posted January 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[pansyfemme]

☀️🍀 for the lgbtq ask game :•)

☀️- is there anyone who helped you accept you were queer? if so, who?

so most ppl know this story but essentially- my brother came out to me first, which is what sent the questioning into process. I guess i’ve always kinda known i was queer? i just wasnt ready to call myself that until i was able to place that someone very close to me was also queer and it could also apply to me. It was also always an adult thing to me? i wasn’t really sure that ppl my age could readily identify as such (despite me always playing as a gay person when i made myself in the sims and other games and all of my ocs at the time being queer.) But essentially my brother helped me figure it out, and i eventually landed on gay and transmasc. My mother came out to me like a month after i came out to her and my dad abt six months later. I never had any worry about coming out to them and how’d they’d react- hence why i cannot even remember when i first came out to them bc it was likely a very casual conversation lol… I only know the rough timeline.

🍀- what thoughts or emotions that didn’t make sense to your past self make sense now you know you’re queer?

just a few things. like i mentioned before, i was a huge sims player and abt 9/10 times when i made myself in the sims (as a woman) i would give myself a girlfriend, and when i made male characters they would have boyfriends. I was always aware of gay people- and their relationships were always just as normal as straight ones to me. I had friends who’s parents were lesbians, and back when my family was trying to be christian, our pastor was gay, and there was a pretty large queer population so i met a lot of different types of ppl- so it was never weird to me, yknow. The trans stuff is different- it was more like the fact that i was obsessed with being a ‘tomboy’ and obsessivly kept my hair short and cried when my brother used to refer to me as a ‘girly girl’. I was obsessed with ‘girls who have boy names’ and wanted to rename myself a boy name. I was very critical of my apperance and would reguarlly tell ppl how ugly i was as young as 3. lots of stuff like that. (additionally, in my roleplaying play as a kid i was almost always a male character) I never outright said i was a boy as a kid- so i tend to not be considered as having the signs of being trans but they were definitly there!

[theswarmanthology]

Anonymous (he/him), 26, Brooklyn, NY

"I follow some MCR fan blogs on tumblr and occasionally reblog things but I don't post much new content myself or interact with people there directly. I spend more time talking about MCR with my real life friends who are also fans."

Fast Facts:How long have you been a fan?: 9+ years Did you get to see MCR live before this tour?: Yes, I saw them before the breakup in 2013 How many shows on this tour did you attend in total?: 2-4 Favorite album: I don't have a favorite album Show experience out of 10: 9 Did you cry at your show?: No

Which date of the tour did you attend? 09/21/22, Prudential Center, Newark

When did you get your tickets for your show? Was it a struggle, or were they easy to grab? A few weeks before the show, via Stubhub. They were easy to get but crazy expensive

Did you attend with anyone else? I went with one of my closest friends and one of their friends who I hadn't met before, but we were in different sections

What did you wear? Full face of femme drag makeup, corset (equal parts for back support and for the aesthetic), lace fishnet top, miniskirt, skeleton tights, fake blood tears, converse

Where were your seats? Pit, Frank's side

What was your favorite song(s) from the setlist they played at your show? S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W, Vampires, Mama

What song were you most hoping to hear? Did you get to hear it? Demolition Lovers, and no, but I knew it was unlikely and that's okay

What was your favorite moment from the show? The My Way cover!

What was the most unexpected moment from the show? Also the My Way cover

Many fans describe seeing MCR live as feeling like coming home. Did you experience anything like that at your show? Not exactly. As a somewhat older fan, it was really lovely to see so many baby goths and baby gays having the time of their lives. As someone who does a lot of drag, seeing Gerard in the glam drag king look felt more like *they* were visiting *my* home (plus them literally coming home to NJ), not so much the other way around.

If you could change one thing about your show experience, what would it be? There were a lot of really pushy dudebros in the pit who had me genuinely fearing for my safety at the start, but I was able to move to a more chill part of the crowd. I am grateful that G kept stopping to make sure the audience was okay and telling people to back up.

Has your perspective or opinion about the band changed since seeing them on this tour? If so, in what way? They've been one of my favorite bands continuously since 2007, when I was 12 years old, but since following this tour (both online/via livestream and by going to 3 shows total) I've swung fully into hyperfixation and I'm aware of the fandom and the band's whole mythology in a way I never was before. Part of that is the sheer joy of seeing Gerard be so comfortably gender-nonconforming on stage, having come out as trans myself in the years since they broke up.

What advice would you give to people seeing My Chemical Romance in the future? Be safe! Don't try to get barricade unless you can handle a lot of physical stress! Seeing them from a few rows back in the pit is an equally incredible experience with much less potential for injury and having to be lifted out.

Thanks, Anonymous!

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Rewatching S20E23 “None but the Brave”. (Skipped the previous two episodes because there’s no Henrik or John in either of them.)

Edit 1: JAC MY BELOVED

Edit 2: Aww, John being all nerdy and adorable! And I love Rox’s outfit.

Edit 3: Jac looking hot as fuck.

Edit 4: John being both very traumatised and very autistic-adjacent here.

Edit 5: Has there EVER been a trans character in the Holbyverse who didn’t just pick a name that was a variation/gender-flipped equivalent of their birth name? Lily to Louis, Sarah to Sah, Hannah to Han... it’s ridiculous.

Also, Jac and Abigail would’ve been a way better romance than Fletch and Abigail, don’t you think?

Edit 6: Jac is gorgeous in this episode.

Edit 7: Ah yes, the coining of the term “Fletchsplaining”.

Edit 8: So many scenes of John being genuinely nice to people, like when he congratulates Nicky and Sacha on their trial. The whole “he’s pure evil” stuff was nonsense, they just leaned into it whenever they felt like making him an ableist caricature.

Edit 9: Not Abigail actually calling Jac hot!

Edit 10: Abi and Jac flirting in a conversation about a heart. This has “Henrik and Russ flirting in a conversation about a liver” energy.

Edit 11: John is really mumbling his lines in this episode. I keep having to turn the volume up.

Edit 12: To be fair, Sacha, I think John was trying to work for the best interests of Lana. Or what he thought were her best interests. Any of his other patients... perhaps not so much.

Edit 13: Fletch: “What about Emma? If you die, she grows up without a mum.” :(

Edit 14: I loved John’s curly hair era.

Edit 15: Sorry but I’m kind of getting to a point now where I don’t really care about Lofty’s grandma.

Edit 16: Frieda, to Han the nonbinary patient, on them saying some of their friends weren’t wholly accepting: “Give them time... but not too much.”

That’s actually really good advice.

Edit 17: OK I take it back about not caring about Lofty’s grandma.

Zav: “We need to know you’ve got enough stamina.”

Lofty’s grandma: “Never had any complaints before!”

Edit 18: I don’t know why this has just occurred to me, when I’ve watched numerous other episodes where she wears it and never really appreciated it, but it has - I love seeing Jac wear Elliot’s scrub cap.

Edit 19: John not wanting to operate on Jac for not-really-explained reasons is interesting.

Edit 20: What even was the point of Flac?

Edit 21: Donna looking gorgeous in this episode.

Edit 22: Fletch annoys me so much.

Edit 23: “I know you, Jac.” No you don’t, Fletch.

Edit 24: Frieda!

Edit 25: John being all mad-scientist-y! And stimming on main. I love him.

Edit 26: Oh god, random patient, please don’t feed John’s delusions of grandeur. Instead, do what I want to scream out with every Gaskell episode I watch: “Get John psychiatric help!!”

Edit 27: John to Jac: “You push yourself too hard, you’re unrealistic.”

Edit 28: I always love a good Jac and John scene.

Edit 29: Aw, I’d forgotten Frieda left for a while mid-season.

Edit 30: More John and Jac scenes! It’s my lucky day.

[jackmfvegas777]

Trans Guy Tips #4; Socially Transitioning

Now this one is a tricky one, and it's a situation almost every trans person has to go through at some point in their life, unless they stay in the closet for life, but if you're planning to come out, and you don't know how to approach the situation and don't know how to judge if it's safe, I hope I can be a reliable guide for you on this journey.

This is usually the first step in any trans person's journey, before they physically transition, (which some don't as well). However here we're talking specifically about trans men.

So while some of the things I say could apply to trans women, always remember I'm writing about trans men from a trans man's point of view, so that's the targeted demographic here.

Once I learn more about trans women's struggles and things they go through, since I don't have the personal experience of it, I will definitely write trans women articles as well, and as well non-binary people.

So let's begin, with a list of important things to keep in mind whilst coming out to the world or at least to your family and close friends.

1. Safety is everything.

Always no matter what.

A good way to test if someone is going to be safe to come out to, is to casually bring it up in in a conversation topic, something like "What are your thoughts on lgbtq people, or specifically what are your thoughts on trans people?"

If they become aggressive and violent about it, and start being transphobic or defensive or any of the signs of bigotry, do not and I mean do not come out to them yet.

If it's a parent, I'd suggest at least wait until you're of age to move out, or have moved out, to come out to them. Sometimes people will get verbally and physically violent towards you if you come out to them and they're not accepting of it, so the most important thing is to always judge the reactions of people, and if they react well, then you can come out to them.

2. Always choose trustworthy people to keep your secret whilst you're in the closet.

There's been a lot of people who trusted idiots who they thought were their friends and they ended up outing them to the whole school they were in, etc. etc. But there was a lot of stories about this happening multiple times.

Make sure the people you tell would take the secret to their grave, especially if you're in an abusive household and can't come out for fear of violence.

3. If you're in a very abusive household, especially one that's openly homophobic and transphobic, as hard it is, please wait to come out as long as you possibly can until you have a place of your own and you're safe for sure.

A lot of people have been known to kick out their own children on to the streets because of them being LGBT, or do much worse...

Now of course these are some of the worst case scenarios, but being LGBT you always have to think about every bad thing that could occur so that you can prevent it.

4. When it comes to actually coming out, I would always recommend bringing a good friend or close family member who supports you, so that you have backup, not only for them to chime in and tell their piece and defend you, but just them being there makes the other person not want to be as violent towards you, because they fear what others will think of them.

If you're coming out to an extended family member or anyone, don't trust to do it alone, always bring a good friend.

5. One of the best ways to come out that I've seen are ways that are jokey and hilarious!

It seems to smooth over and make it a much more pleasant transition for everyone, and usually even homophobic people won't get too mad, they might even laugh!

I've seen people bake cakes with the words "Surprise I'm gay!" on it, things like that.

Just little cute things that are nice to do for your parents or people you're coming out to, but make it a surprise and that you're actually lgbt!

Now remember though, always follow the first rule and make sure safety is priority, but if you know you're safe, but you're just not sure they understand, starting out with jokes helps a lot.

6. The second step you should do after coming out is always try to explain your side of the story.

If there are people who don't let you get a word in, let them know that you have important things to say and that they need to listen to you and then they can say whatever they need.

Explain how it feels to be trans, explain why you know you're trans, of course you shouldn't have to ideally, but unfortunately a lot of people won't understand unless they're given more information, as the subject is completely foreign to them.

I know my grandma specifically reacted so well, all she did was ask me questions about it, and once I answered all her questions, she hummed in satisfaction and she never questioned it again and completely accepted me.

And a lot of times you'll get people who are pretty neutral, people who will call you by your chosen name and gender but don't really totally care as much as you want them to, but they still go along with it and just kind of assume you know what's best for you, which is a really kind thing really.

I've had a few people react neutrally and it's actually relaxing, there's no pressure put on for being gay, either over positive or over negative. but I have to say as a trans person and gay person, and grey-ace person, I love the people who ask questions the most.

I don't mind answering, and it means they're trying to learn more about something they don't understand, which means they have a huge heart and huge open mind.

Some people may get annoyed at the constant questions, but I absolutely adore them.

To me, every time someone asks about me, they're showing interest in my life and my feelings.

7. Next the scientific method.

Look up on any scientific article anywhere, and you'll find studies done on trans men and women's brains.

It was shown factually multiple times, over and over, whenever they repeated it it did it again, that trans men have the same brain structure as cis men, and trans women have the same brain structure as cis women, and non-binary people have somewhere in the middle. This was factually proven, you can look it up, so if they try to use science to defend against you, educate that that science is actually for LGBT rights and has explained how it works even.

8. Try to be gentle when it comes to pronouns.

For a lot of people, especially people of foreign languages where some languages don't have genders, or will have different genders, or other things like that, or even just English speakers that aren't used to saying 'they', or your family not being used to your pronouns yet.

It can take a while, and I know it's frustrating, it could take even a few years for them to finally get it right every time.

It's not supposed to be an attack towards you, it's genuinely hard to reprogram yourself when you think someone is one thing your whole life and then it turns out they're the other thing! So be sure to be gentle with them while they're practising, remind them every time they make a mistake, but remind them gently, as they are trying to do the right thing, they're just slipping up due to habit.

In general, be patient with non-lgbt folks, if we're mad at them, it just drives them away, rather than driving them toward us to help and assist us.

We should be grateful for our allies.

9. Once you've come out and your parents probably still have questions, I would recommend sitting down and having family night where you read together some good articles about transgenderism, and LGBT+ in general.

If they're not familiar with it, this type of education can help them a lot to understand the terminology and how to address you, and basic respect for trans & lgbtq+ people.

Overall it's a learning experience for both of you, and it would be amazing to do if they're willing to learn.

Remember that it's a journey for all of us, and everyone has a lot to learn.

10. When selecting your name, I have one piece of advice/a question for you; "Does it spark joy?"

The most important thing, it doesn't matter how odd sounding it is, or differently spelled it is, or whatever your name is, if you enjoy your name, that's what matters.

Always pick the one that calls out to you.

And it's okay to change it from time to time, people need time to figure out who they are!

And with that, I conclude my fourth part!

I hope you were helped by this in any way, and thanks for reading.

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Pride

Dear nonnie who requested that I write something for Pride month, I'm so, so sorry! Somehow this got lost in my inbox and I didn't see it until I started working on 'Bargain' this afternoon. Please accept this humble ficlet and my deepest apologies. <3

I'm kind of nervous about this one. I know coming out is a deeply personal experience and I'm not sure I wrote it terribly well. Please know that you are loved, valued, cherished, and accepted just as you are. I know for many people the struggle is so much greater than what I wrote in this ficlet. You are all amazing. <3

cw: Internalized homophobia, homophobic parents (happy ending)

------------

June 12, 1999

"Hey!" Harry said, bursting into Draco's room like it was his own.

Draco looked up from the essay he was writing, the last one he needed to finish for his eighth year at Hogwarts. "Hi," he replied and he couldn't help but admire the dimple that stood out on Harry's cheek as he smiled at him.

"Some of us are heading down to Hogsmeade for the pride celebration they're having there tonight," Harry said. "Did you want to come?"

His brow furrowed, "Pride? Like house pride?"

Harry laughed but not unkindly like it would have been prior to this year, "No, like gay pride. It's to celebrate people who are lgbtq+, to affirm their dignity and worth as human beings, you know?"

Draco felt his cheeks flushing hot, "I'm not," he managed through the way it felt like someone had closed off his airway, shaking his head, "I'm not gay!"

"Err," Harry said, scratching the back of his neck, "Right, I wasn't trying to imply anything. Just," he shrugged, "I think I'm bi, and there's GInny and Luna," he continued, stumbling over his words.

"But I'm not!" he protested

"Right," Harry repeated, brow furrowing, "We just thought..." he trailed off, "Ron, who's like as straight as they come is coming too, to show his support."

"I can't," Draco said. "I've got all this work to do, I just-"

"It's okay," Harry said, shaking his head and holding out a hand, "Totally fine, sorry to have bothered you," he added as he quickly fled the room before Draco could say anything else.

(Continue reading below the cut)

He stared after him, still feeling panicked and full of regret at the same time.

Malfoys aren't gay. Malfoys aren't gay. Malfoys aren't gay.

And in spite of the fact that he'd told Harry he needed to finish his essay, he spent the rest of the night trying to get his heart to slow down, his breathing to come easier, and his mind to stop spinning.

The essay remained untouched.

------------

June 9, 2000

Draco was having murderous thoughts.

They had a tradition on Fridays that everyone who lived in Grimmauld sat down together for dinner and if you were dating someone, you were allowed to bring them home with you for dinner. Draco never brought anyone home because the women he dated were so unattractive to him that he just couldn't bring himself to see them for more than a date or two.

Harry, on the other hand was always bringing someone home. He had men and women there with him every week. Usually, it was a different person every week and that didn't bother Draco all that much. But he'd been seeing Conor for six weeks now and the way the other man was always clinging to Harry, always laughing and batting his eyelashes at him; it made Draco feel ready to kill him.

"So I was thinking," Harry said when there was a lull in the conversation, "The Leaky is having a Pride Night celebration tomorrow. Maybe we should all go together?" he asked hopefully.

There were murmurs of approval all around the table and Draco dropped his gaze to his plate, his palms started to itch. Malfoys aren't gay. Malfoys aren't gay.

"What about you, Draco?" Conor asked, all toothy smiles as he rested his arm around Harry's shoulders.

He couldn't help but look over at Harry who was suddenly watching him in that way that made him feel like he was being held under a magnifying glass. People thought that Harry was oblivious but Draco knew they were wrong. Harry knew everything about Draco just from watching him.

Draco swallowed, "Yeah," he managed. "Yeah. I can come for a bit."

Harry smiled at him then, soft and sweet, his dimples showing, "Yeah?" he asked.

And Draco was fairly certain there was nothing he could have said no to when Harry asked like that, so he nodded.

"Great!" Conor enthused and the moment dissipated like fog in the sun. "It'll be so fun to have all of your friends there, babe."

"Err," Harry said, looking over at Conor, "Yeah. Totally." Then he turned back to look at Draco once more, "Yeah," he said again.

-----------

June 10, 2000

Draco had made a mistake.

Malfoys aren't gay. Malfoys aren't gay. Malfoys aren't gay.

"Hey!" Harry said, appearing out of nowhere and wrapping an arm around Draco, "I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too," he lied.

"Come on," Harry said, "Let me introduce you to some people."

Draco spent the next hour meeting all sorts of people, he listened to people telling their stories, people who were claiming their own lives and destinies, and all he could feel was loss.

Every person he listened to felt like another stone tied around his neck, their joy and freedom made him feel even more trapped. Harry went to fetch drinks as he listened to a trans woman named Jocelyn talking about how difficult it had been to come out to her family. And it was the final straw, he lost it. Tears slipped from his eyes and before he could do anything, she was hugging him, "We've all been where you are," she whispered.

He shook his head and pulled back, "I'm not-" he covered his mouth, he couldn't quite force out the lie.

She nodded knowingly, "We've all been there, too."

"I've got to go," he managed, rising on shaking legs and making his way out of the bar as quickly as he could.

When he got outside he bent over, resting his hands on his knees and trying to catch his breath.

"Draco!" he heard as the door opened and he wasn't ready for this.

"Don't," he said, standing up and holding out his hands to stop Harry from coming any closer.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked, eyebrows furrowing in concern and Draco hated it.

"Malfoys aren't gay!" he exploded.

"What?" Harry asked as though his words hadn't been perfectly clear.

"Malfoys aren't gay," he repeated.

Harry tilted his head at him, "Alright."

"So you can stop this," he said, gesturing at the door. "I don't need help coming out. I'm not gay," he spat.

"I'm not trying to help you come out," Harry said, his voice measured and calm in a way that told Draco just how hard he was working at not getting emotional. "I just wanted to introduce you to-"

"Bull shit," he hissed. "Every person you 'introduced me to' told me about coming out."

"It's Pride, Draco. They're," he stopped and corrected himself, "We're celebrating coming out. We're celebrating not hiding who we are anymore. If you think it's about you, well," he shrugged a shoulder, "You probably have more in common with us than you want to admit."

"I'm not gay!" he shouted, shoving Harry away from him.

There was a flash of hurt across Harry's face before he put his hands on his hips and that fire that Draco so remembered from Hogwarts filled his eyes. "No one said you were!" Harry shouted back. "And if you were so afraid of having people think you are, why did you even come in the first place?"

"I guess I shouldn't have."

Harry took a step back away from him, shaking his head, "I guess not." He turned on his heel and stalked back into the bar, leaving Draco standing on the sidewalk, shaking as the adrenaline flooded through him.

-------------

June 11, 2000

It wasn't quite morning when Draco heard a soft knock at his door.

With no small amount of effort, he reached for his wand and cast a spell to open it. Harry was standing in the doorway and Draco huffed, "I've already packed," he said. "I'll leave in the morning."

"What?" Harry asked, sounding panicked, "No!" he said, stepping across the threshold of Draco's room and moving to the chair across from Draco's bed. "No," he repeated. "Draco, please don't leave. I'm sorry. Alright?" Harry said. "I shouldn't-"

"You're sorry?" Draco asked, sitting up and staring at the other boy, "No, I'm sorry," he said, quickly. "I was awful and I didn't le-"

"No," Harry said, shaking his head, "It's my fault. I shouldn't-"

"I'm gay," Draco blurted and then realized what he'd just admitted. He covered his mouth with his hand and his eyes filled with tears.

"Hey," Harry whispered, climbing onto the bed next to him and pulling Draco into his arms, "It's okay."

Draco shook his head but couldn't manage any words around the sob that was choking him.

"It's okay," Harry soothed, stroking his fingers through Draco's hair and rocking him. "I've got you," he breathed. "You're safe," he said, "You're safe," he repeated. "You're loved and you're accepted," he told him, "I've got you."

Draco sobbed, all of the fear, and the guilt, and the shame was built up high in his chest and he felt like he couldn't breathe around it.

"Okay," Harry soothed, "Slow breaths with me, yeah? Just try to match your breathing to mine," he said, his hand rubbing soothingly over Draco's back.

He sucked in a deep, gasping breath that burned all the way down into his lungs.

"That's it," Harry encouraged, "You're alright."

He continued breathing slowly and Draco tried to mirror it until his sobbing was just the occasional hiccup and the tears were just trickling out of his eyes.

"Okay," Harry breathed. "Better?"

Draco nodded and pulled back, "Sorry," he murmured, then he caught sight of Harry's shirt covered in tears and snot and wished that the earth would open up and swallow him, "Salazar, I'm sorry," he said, reaching for his wand and casting a hasty drying charm followed by a cleaning charm.

"It's fine," Harry said, reaching out to still Draco's motions. "It's fine," he repeated. "Look, I didn't mean to pressure you into coming out," he said. "I won't tell anyone," he added hastily.

He shook his head, "It's eating me up inside." Draco wiped the tears off his face, "I'm going to die alone."

"Don't say that," Harry said.

"Well it's true!" he said, "What am I supposed to tell my parents?"

Harry took his hand, "It's up to you," he said softly. "I won't pretend to understand the challenges you're facing. My parents are dead."

"Oh, thanks. Play the dead parent card."

Harry huffed a laugh, "Shut up. I'm trying to say that I can't imagine how difficult this is for you. It's not an easy decision and I want you to know that I am here for you, that I support you, no matter what."

His eyes filled with tears and he let out a groan, "Stop it."

The other boy wrapped his arms around him, "No."

"What is this?" he asked, from where his face was buried in Harry's neck.

"Affection."

"Disgusting," he murmured.

"Want me to stop?"

He shook his head because when Harry wasn't hugging him everything felt a little too big and a little too close.

And he had no idea what he was going to do but when Harry was holding him it didn't seem quite so scary.

-------------

A few weeks later, he and Harry had started dating in secret. Harry was very sweet, very patient as Draco struggled against years of deeply ingrained negative thoughts. Draco still felt like he was a bit of a burden but Harry always insisted he wasn't.

Just over a month after that, Hermione had figured it out on her own, Pansy had tricked him into confessing, and Ron had walked in on the two of them making out on Harry's bed.

And the world didn't end.

Slowly, over the course of the next seven months, they told all of their friends. Everyone was supportive. Everyone was happy for them, happy for him that he'd decided to walk in the truth.

Truth be told, he was happy too. His anxiety still got the worst of him some days and his fear was sometimes bigger than anything else but he got through those days and those days slowly became fewer and fewer.

He got comfortable with Harry; comfortable holding hands, comfortable with casual kisses, comfortable with bickering that turned into flirting, just comfortable in his skin.

One chilly March morning, he and Harry were out to breakfast and they were laughing and teasing each other, like they always did and Draco was happy all the way down to his toes.

He looked across the table at Harry, "You've got whipped cream on your mouth," he laughed.

Harry stuck his tongue out and missed completely.

"Here," he said with a laugh, "Let me," he added as he grabbed the front of Harry's jumper and pulled him close so he could kiss it off his grinning face.

He was pulling back to check that he'd gotten it all when he heard a gasp that he would have recognized anywhere. Draco would never be quite sure what his face and body language were saying at that moment but Harry was instantly on alert, scanning the room for danger. "Shit," he breathed.

"Draco Lucius Malfoy," his mother hissed. "What in Merlin's name do you think you are doing."

"Don't make a scene, mother," he said and even he was surprised at how calm the words came out.

"I don't think that I am the one making a scene, Draco."

"Mrs. Malfoy," Harry said, "Why don't we go somewhere more private for this conversation."

"Oh no," she said, "I don't think there is any conversation to be had. Draco, we'll be leaving. Right this instant."

Draco looked at her, at the woman who had dried his tears, who had sacrificed for him, who had given him life and his heart yearned for her. He longed to reach out and hold her hand like he had when he was young, to let her reassure him that everything would be alright. And it could be. He knew if he walked away with her today, he'd go back to living the life that had been planned for him.

But then he looked at Harry and all he could see was freedom. His heart expanded as he remembered the late nights talking over a bottle of wine, the early mornings as the sun filtered in through Harry's window and painted him golden. He remembered the cuddles on the couch and the evenings spent cooking dinner together. And he knew that he could never go back. He could never live a life of duty and obligation knowing that this one was possible.

"I love you," he said softly as he stared at Harry.

The other man blinked before his mouth curved up in a grin, his dimples showing, "I love you, too."

He reached for Harry's hand to ground himself as he turned to his mother, "You know that I love you," he said to her, "but I can't live a lie. I can't be the boy that you wanted."

"Draco you are being ridiculous."

"Maybe," he replied. "But I never knew what it was like to be free before these past few months with Harry and I won't give them back."

She cast a belated muffliato. "There are plenty of Purebloods who are gay, Draco," she said, keeping her voice low, "You still have your obligation to have a pureblood heir. Marry a nice girl and take a lover if you must, but you will continue your bloodline."

He laughed, it sounded a bit hysterical even to his own ears. "Do you hear yourself?" he asked. "The Malfoy line can die with me. I'm not marrying some woman just to please you."

"Draco-"

"No," he said sharply. "No. I can't do this, mother. I can't be what you want me to be. I'm done." He shook his head, "You can accept this, accept me or not. Either way I am done."

She straightened her spine and smoothed the emotions from her features and Draco knew the decision she had made before she started speaking. He clasped Harry's hand tighter in his. "Very well, then," she said. "Good day," she murmured before she walked away without a backward glance.

They sat in silence for a moment before Harry asked, "Are you alright?"

"I don't know."

"What can I do?" he murmured, squeezing Draco's hand again.

"Can we go home?"

Harry nodded, "Yeah, love. Of course."

He apparated them back and they spend the afternoon cocooned in Harry's room until their friends came to find them for dinner.

---------------

June 9, 2001

This year it's Draco who asked about going to the bar to celebrate Pride.

Harry smiled and pulled him in for a long kiss before nodding and getting dressed.

When they arrived, Draco slipped his fingers through Harry's holding his hand tightly; proud of Harry, proud of how far they've come, and proud of himself for how much he's grown and how brave he's become.

Several of the people he'd met the year before remembered him and are quick to congratulate him and welcome him again. The night was full of music and dancing, of listening to stories and starting to tell his own, it's everything Harry had made it sound like.

And he thought he might be happy, in spite of that little bit of his heart that always ached for his parents.

They're about to head up for another round of drinks when Harry tugged on his hand. "Look," he murmured, pointing to the door.

Draco followed his pointing and saw that there was a woman standing in the door who looked remarkably like his mother. "What?" he managed.

But Harry was already waving to her and nudging Draco forward.

"What?" he repeated when he was standing in front of her.

Without a word she wrapped her arms around him, enfolding him in the comforting feel and scent of his childhood.

"Mummy?" he whispered.

"Yes, darling," she replied, voice equally thick with tears.

Harry cleared his throat, "I'll fetch us some drinks. What can I get you Narcissa?" he asked.

"Whiskey neat," she replied without releasing her hold on Draco.

He pulled back after one more moment, "What are you doing here?"

"Where else could I be?" she asked. "When we didn't see you for your birthday last week," she shook her head. "Well, I knew that I was making a mistake."

Harry returned handing them their drinks and nodding toward a table nearby.

They headed over and she sat next to Draco, "You're my child, Draco," she said. "And I love you more than you can imagine."

He nodded once but didn't say anything. This sounded too much like the start to one of the 'I love you and if you love me, this is how you should act' talks.

"Fortunately, your Mr. Potter has sent quite regular correspondence."

"What?" Draco said, whipping his head around to look at Harry.

He nodded once but before Draco could question him his mother continued.

"He invited me to come tonight," she continued, "To support you. And I've missed so much already, how could I say no?"

"This isn't a phase," he said. "I'm not going to change my mind or be cured one day."

She nodded, "I know."

"Does father?"

She hummed, "We're getting there." She took his hand in her's, "For now, won't you introduce me to some of your new friends?"

--------

Two years later, when he and Harry got married, both of his parents were there, sitting right in the front row and cheering them on.

---------

Thanks for the prompt! I don't quite know what you were hoping for so I hope this is okay! <3

[mazegays]

could've followed my fears all the way down

Chapter 5

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

“Thomas, you’re abandoning me for the greenhouse now?” Frypan jokes. “I set aside plates for you two. Harriet was going to grab you, but she said you looked like you were having a serious conversation.”

“Now, Frypan, have you ever known me to be serious?” Sonya jumps onto the counter, dodging Frypan’s playful swat. “Thomas, on the other hand, I think we have to convince him not to be.”

“Get off my counter, Miss Anti-Serious. Some of us still have work to do, you know. Jorge was looking for you, Thomas, but he’ll find you at some point.”

Jorge does have a strange way of doing that. Thomas thinks it’s a hard-earned skill. If he knows anything about Brenda, it’s that she likes to find her own way of doing things.

“Thanks, Frypan.” He manages to say before Sonya is pulling him to the fire pits. There’s not much room there this time of day, but she plops down on Harriet’s lap and he sits next to them.

“What if I had had food in my lap?” Harriet tries to look stern. “What would you have done then?”

“One, you didn’t, two, you would have moved it. That’s what you always did in the Glen.”

“I did not.”

“You did!” Rosa, one of the other Group B members, calls. “Admit it, Harriet, you’ve had it bad for Sonya for a long time.”

“I see you’ve turned against your leader. Perhaps you want to think about that.”

“Last I checked, you and Sonya lead together.” Thomas points out. H/e carefully doesn’t look at Sonya, so he doesn’t start laughing.

“Okay, stick, I see how it is.” She shoves him lightly. “You want to race again, is that it? Where’s Minho, maybe he wants in.”

“I’m here. Someone’s gotta show you all how it’s done.”

“Wait, Thomas, are you good to run?” Harriet seems to remember his sight.

“Yeah.” He blinks a few times. “The blurriness cleared up earlier. That’s a weird side effect, though. What do you think causes it?”

“No, Thomas, we’re not debating that right now.” Minho rolls his eyes. “Shank always wants to know everything about everything, I swear. He was like that in the Glade, too. Always asking questions. Newt and Alby didn’t know what to do with him.”

Thomas flinches a little when he says Newt’s name.

Minho’s not upset that he killed Newt. He said he wasn’t, and Minho wouldn’t lie about something that big. Minho hardly lies, ever.

At least, he hasn’t lied to Thomas. Thomas doesn’t have any reason not to trust him.

finish under the cut or on ao3

“How far should we go?” Rosa asks. “We can’t do it here.”

“Let them finish eating, Ro.” Harriet gestures to Thomas’s and Sonya’s plates, still mostly full. “We can decide after. None of us have anything super important this afternoon.”

“Thomas, Jorge and I wanted to talk to you.” Thomas tilts his head back to look up at Vince.

“Yeah, sure. Now?” Minho takes his plate while he stands.

“If you’d like.” Thomas shrugs. He’s just eating. It’d be nice to do with others, but he doesn’t have to.

He has a feeling he knows what they’re going to ask, anyway. Vince takes him to the back room of the common house.

“You know we fixed the Flat-Trans recently.” He nods.

“We were wondering if you’d be willing to go back through it.”

“Do we know where it opens back up yet?”

“Somewhere near where it closed.” Jorge answers.

Teresa’s body would be so close. Would it be worth it to find and dig it up, bring her back to bury her? Like so many of his friends never got to be? No, probably not. And who knows what might have gotten at it by now, anyway.

Or if anything actually survived the explosions.

“We want to do a recon mission. You’re familiar with that WCKD base.” Vince’s arms are folded, hands in fists. That’s never a good sign.

“Somewhat, yes. Mostly from half-memories and dreams. I didn’t get my memory removal reversed.” He reminds them. 

This isn’t what he was expecting at all.

“It’ll be a small group, only a few people. You’ll be leading them.” Vince hesitates, looking at Jorge. Jorge just raises an eyebrow.

“It was your rule, Vince. You can explain it.”

“You can’t take any of your friends. Brenda, Minho, Gally, any of them. Jorge and I will pick who goes with you.”

“So I don’t get any say in this?” Thomas watches Vince closely, then Jorge. 

“You do, hermano. You can say no, and one of us will go, or we’ll ask someone else. We just wanted to give you the option first.” Thomas remembers how he met Jorge in the Scorch. All the signs about him being the leader.

He’s stepped back. It’s not as fun as it looks, and he’s sixteen. He doesn’t want to lead. He shouldn’t have to.

So why does he want to say yes so badly?

Even worse, why does it feel like he’s already agreed?

“Let him have time to think on it.” Jorge says, already putting a hand on Thomas’s shoulder to guide him from the room. Vince just grunts.

Once they’re out of earshot, Jorge sighs. “I’d wanted to warn you before Vince got a chance to say anything. Hermano, you really don’t have to do this. Vince wouldn’t be convinced to ask anyone else first. Take the night at least to really consider this. Take the next few days, if you want. Speak with someone about it, please. It’s not something that needs to be done immediately.”

But the sooner it gets done, the sooner they’ll be able to get more resources, maybe bring more Immunes in. Many of the people here are living without electricity and running water for the first time in their lives. Going through the Flat-Trans might mean being able to get some rudimentary systems up and running again. 

Jorge shakes him gently. “Are you listening to me, Thomas? Don’t decide now.” Thomas has never been good at concealing what’s going on his mind, though, and Jorge remembers him from a time Before.

“Go and race with your friends before you think yourself into this. You are not the only one who can do this.”

But Thomas can tell that Jorge knows it’s a losing battle he’s fighting now. 

There’s a reason he was the Final Candidate. It was always him, it’s always going to be him.

He doesn’t race that night, sitting off to the side and cheering instead. Minho glares at him when he cheers Sonya on, but it’s worth it for the lightness it brings to his chest.

It’s much easier to ignore that he’s going to be lying to them soon enough when they’re all laughing and teasing.

[tiktaalic]

season 8 is such a weird one-off because it spends so much of its time acknowledging and improving upon the reactions to seasons 6 and 7 which were widely disliked when they were airing (i have zero idea how they're perceived now). like they get a plot going that's not just "big bad will end the world", all three leads have something to do that eventually coalesce into a conclusion, crowely feels like an actual threat as a villain, and we have the beginnings to start building a decent ensemble cast. it's also most importantly fun to watch! and then 9 and 10 come along and literally destroy all that goodwill.

yep. it's SUCH a tonal departure from 6 and 7. 6 and 7 still some of my least favorite seasons, especially six. six just feels so fucking miserable for so long. soulless sam is fun. heaven civil war is fun. but the first 10 eps or so are just dean being upset and arguing with people. he has ZERO friends. he's not even on good terms with his brother. he's just constantly shocked and appalled and having conversations that make him more shocked and appalled and it was just not fun teevee. to me. versus eight which is a BOP and a half. it's fun. there are two charlie eps where she's jsut kinda hanging out doing her thing. kevin's there! ms. tran is there! metatron shapes up into a REALLY fun supporting character (and then into a really fun villain). benny's hanging for awhile. we got Side Characters. we got LIKEABLE side characters who are credited in 2+ episodes in the season. fucking crazy! and there are stakes to Closing The Gates. sam has feelings about it. dean has feelings about it. cas has feelings about the gates HE'S closing. ive mentioned this before but plotwise, s8 kinda meanders around for awhile. metatron's a SUPER last minute addition. the trials take awhile to come up. metatron brings up closing the gates in either the finale or the penultimate. but gosh is it fun. the angels.... they're falling. finale of ALL time. and then there's s9. i have no kind words to say to her. then there's s10. i have no fucking idea what happens in this season. i watched it like 2 months ago. but i can tell you this. it was NOT a romp and a half ala 8