arif20

[srjlvr]

,, 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT MY EX ’’

JUST when you thought your life couldn’t get any worse after your biggest break up of the year, someone posted your (very) much hateful list about your ex.

PAIRING. Ex!jake X Ex-fem!Reader

GENRE. fluff(look at me putting this first in genre) , angst , exes to lovers.

WARNINGS. y/n is kind of a bitch towards jake ig, jake is a big big player, lots of miscommunications, also very much not proofread!! i shall add more if i missed something!

WORD-COUNT. 7.8k+

NOTE. there we go again with this story cover, im outta here, graphics and me are not friends UGH i gotta start paying for someone to actually do this for me smh. anyways!! everything here is FICTIONAL!! i do NOT see jake nor any of the characters like that in any way!! if you don’t like it—youre very welcomed to skip!!

you thought you had your brightest future in your hands.

being an ace student, scoring A+ in all of your tests and winning the teacher’s favoritism, all of that while also being the most popular cheerleader of your school.

you’re literally living everyone’s dream, not only being a popular student, but also dating the most popular student who also happened to be your highschool’s basketball team leader, jake sim.

girls swoon for him, beg him to notice them, even go as far as to send him gifts that costs probably more than their own house, but no, his eyes search for one person and one person only, and that’d be you.

“i’m sorry, i can’t continue all of this”

“this? what do you mean—“

“i mean us, this relationship, i don’t think it’s going to work anymore”

“oh”

“that’s all you got to say?”

“do you expect me to cry and get on my knees, begging you to regret this?”

“what?”

“speechless now, are we? i’ve been waiting for this day”

denial was your best friend, and you might’ve realized it a bit too late.

you were hurt, fuck you wanted to break down and cry. but he doesn’t deserve to see that.

you ignored so many red flags in your relationship, you were lovesick and pathetic, all for him, it broke you apart. but you do not want to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry.

“y/n…”

“i don’t want to hear it jake, i’m actually glad you took this step”

you’re not glad at all, you do love him.

“i wish you the best” he said quietly and left.

this whole relationship felt like a mistake for the both of you, it was toxic, too toxic.

like those you see on TV shows where the popular girl and guy just date for fame and nothing more, yeah, just like that.

but you loved each other, you really did. communication was your biggest enemy, and that’s what lead to this whole toxic relationship mess.

“what a fucking asshole! it hasn’t even been a month and he’s already all over the girls! pathetic”

“yeji!”

your best friend rolled her eyes, “am i wrong? he was always a player”

you shook your head.

she wasn’t totally wrong, even before you started dating he used to hold a different girl in his hands every other day.

big player indeed.

you on the other hand, no matter how popular you were, you stayed reserved. many boys tried their luck, but it was no use.

though being reserved, you didn’t mind the looks the other boys gave you, and took every chance you had to show yourself off.

therefore it was so surprising to everyone that you and jake started dating.

the biggest player and the reserved popular girl, dating? this had to be a joke.

the truth is that jake had been keeping his eyes on you for long, and he knew that he has to hold you in his arms and show you that a player like him can actually love.

at first it took him time to break down your walls, but he did his best to assure you that he’ll never let anything bad happen to you.

that was….well, until he decided to break things off.

“yeah, he was, once a player, always a player” you agreed with her, glancing at jake and rolling your eyes when noticing that the girl he was flirting with is having too much fun.

“let’s just go, i’m tired of watching those clowns” you sighed and walked away.

“y/n! i’m sorry you had to witness….well—“

“it’s okay sunghoon, really”

before you and yeji could walk too far, sunghoon stopped you.

sunghoon is jake’s best friend, you and him weren’t the best at making conversation while you and jake were still together, but when you broke up, something changed between the two of you.

“don’t mind him, he can be a total asshole sometimes”

“sometimes?” yeji chuckled and sunghoon nervously scratched his nape.

“thank you sunghoon, i’m fine though” you gave him a weak smile and walked away.

“well if there’s one thing that’s good about jake is that his best friend is smoking hot and totally into you!!” yeji clapped her hands.

you rolled your eyes in disbelief, “yeji i don’t think you get it, he’s just being nice because he feels bad about his best friend acting like a dickhead”

“oh y/n, i can read face expressions, he’d definitely ask you out if only things weren’t so difficult”

“don’t push it!”

“that’s the ONLY good thing about jake though, i feel bad for that walking red flag, he’s so bad at keeping his relationships”

“i should make a list of things that i hate about him and send it to every girl in school so they’d know they need to run away from him!” you joked.

“i’d definitely help you, i’m sure as hell that it’ll make his ugly face vanish” she was joking as well.

you both were joking, you knew it very well.

so how the hell did you find yourself sitting in your room desk, writing a list about the things you hate about your ex?

“one, he’s smoking hot, his visuals can mess up your mind” you’re writing everything down as you’re saying them out loud.

complimenting him on your first point? way to go girl!

“two, he’s a big fat player, once your date is over he’s already probably running to find his next” you rolled your eyes to this one.

not even a month passed and he’s already flirting with others? what a loser!

“three, so full of himself! it actually hurts to see a person who loves himself so much he could probably die!”

that one time he wouldn’t stop talking about how many girls asked him out in one night? yickes!

“four, so toxic and possessive! don’t want you around any guy while he walks around and talks with any girl he sees”

when he got jealous that you spoke with your childhood friend about the most random thing ever? disgusting!

“five, puts milk before cereal, i don’t even need to explain!”

a walking red flag or what?

after finishing the rest five points you had to make, you decided to call it a night and drifted away to dreamland.

“psst”

“hm?”

“i know we were joking about the hateful list yesterday, but i actually made it”

“what?!”

you put your hand over yeji’s mouth and giggled.

“it just felt so good! i feel so relieved now! i don’t even want to post it, but it just felt so right to just let everything out”

“so proud of you, girl! finally let it go and move on!!” she pat your shoulder and then proceeded to hug you.

“where did you hide that list?” she raised her brow.

“i just brought it with me today, i put it in my locker and i’ll probably burn it by the end of the day, i just wanted to show it to you first before i do it”

“now that’s my girl!”

yeji is the bestest friend you could’ve ever asked for. she was always there for you.

ever since you were little you were stuck like a glue, you had each other’s backs and you were more than thankful to have her in your life.

“hey y/n! i was just wondering, do you perhaps have notes for the last maths class? i missed it because of practice and i’d really like some help” sunghoon showed up with a grin.

“sure, they’re in my locker, i’ll bring it to you” you nodded and he shook his head.

“i’ll come with you”

“oh? okay”

he followed you to your locker and waited for you to give him the notes.

“what’s in this paper?” he asked as he looked at the very cute designed paper.

“oh? that’s nothing really” you shrugged it off and quickly closed your locker, “bring them back to me when you finish”

“i will, thank you!” he said and walked away.

you opened your locker again to take out the paper, you sighed heavily and shoved it into your bag.

“six, he can’t keep his promises! if he’ll ever tell you he’ll play some video games with you, don’t believe it!!” yeji read it out loud and laughed.

you laughed with her, suddenly finding this list so funny.

“seven, his puppy eyes are definitely misleading! he’s a one manipulative bitch and he won’t be afraid to use his cute puppy eyes!” she rolled her eyes, “is that a good or a bad thing?”

“bad thing obviously! it’s literally written there that he’s manipulative!”

“girls love puppy eyes! you should know that!” she preached and you rolled your eyes.

you spent the rest of your lunch break giggling and laughing about this stupid list.

“i’m returning this to my locker, i’ll burn it after practice today” you told her and she nodded.

“i need proof of that, video call me when you do it!” she said and sent you off to practice.

arriving at the field, you found your friends and practice started.

“hey, y/n!” as you were packing everything in your bag and exiting the dressing room, sunghoon, who was already there waiting for you called you.

“hey, you” you grinned.

“will you let me do the honor and walk you home today?” he asked ever so nicely.

“sure!” you smiled and began to walk with him, completely forgetting about the paper you had to burn.

“i can’t believe you forgot the paper in your locker! what if someone steals it?” yeji complained over the phone right after you texted her that you forgot about it.

“yeji! no one knows it’s there except you! it’s not ‘to all the boys i’ve loved before’ story! you can calm down” you sighed.

you were right though, who knows this locker holds up something that can completely ruin not only yours but also your ex’s image?

“i guess i’m gonna let this slide today, but i’m going to burn this paper with you tomorrow!”

“hm”

“how was your walk with sunghoon~?” she teased.

“it was cool, he’s such a cute guy, surprised that he’s still single honestly”

“i think we both know why”

“i’m gonna go sleep!” you changed the subject and before she could ask any more questions you hang up.

the next day you found yourself yet again a victim to yeji’s new gossips while trying to take out a few things from your locker.

“so as i was saying—are you even listening to me?” she looked at you while you looked at the mirror that was hanged in your locker and applied your lipstick on.

“hm? oh yeah”

“you’re a lost case”

“we’re gonna burn this paper today! and then i will finally be able to feel free from this relationship” you smiled, explaining to her that it was the only thing on your mind.

“you’re damn right! this hate list about jake is going to be burnt today!!”

“this hate list about who?”

you jumped hearing someone else’s voice behind you.

“oh! yena, didn’t see you here” you chuckled nervously.

“just here to tell you that coach said there’ll be another practice today, i came here privately because, you know, you’re too busy in other things to care” oh she’s a one of a kind bitch.

you gave her a sarcastic smile, “i already know that, but thank you”

she returned the fake smile and walked away.

“that was so close!”

“you should be more careful, this girl is just looking for something that’ll bring you down” yeji whispered and you nodded, “i guess you’re right, at least she didn’t really hear all of this”

school ended and so did your practice, yeji leaned on the wall next to your locker as you searched for the paper.

“i could’ve sworn i put it right there!!”

“y/n think!! maybe you put it in your bag?”

you handed her your bag for her to search it.

“oh! i found it! it was between those notebooks” you giggled, “but i could’ve sworn i put it under all of my books”

“at least you found it” she sighed and put her hand over your shoulder.

“let’s burn this bitch!”

looking at the little fire you made with yeji made you feel excited and mostly happy.

you let all your thoughts together with this paper to burn.

your relationship was toxic, but this time was the most beautiful time in your life.

you and jake really did love each other.

one time you were sitting together in the library, trying to study the new material your teacher gave you.

“what are you up to?” he asked.

“studying, that’s why we’re in the library” you smiled.

“that’s so boring!” he pout. you giggled and pecked his lips, “you can be on your phone or something until i finish”

“no” he shook his head, “i want to do something with you”

“jake—“

“let’s go! i’m taking you on a date!” he grabbed your hands and dragged you out.

you spent the rest of your day together, sharing a few snacks and joking around.

it was the perfect kdrama couple everyone dreams of.

you ended up sleeping at jake’s house that day, and he made sure you knew how much he loves you.

“i can see our future together,” he smiled and held your hands, “me, a famous basketball player and you, my pretty partner”

you were sitting right across him on his bed and raised a brow, “oh? so i get to do nothing?”

“i’ll make sure to work hard so you could rest and never work for your entire life” he hugged you and pecked your cheek.

“remember that promise, i’ll use that against you in the future” you joked.

“that means…..you too see a future for us?”

“of course”

he put his hand on your cheek and moved you closer to him, he kissed you so deeply you could feel his love to you was sincere.

that small flashback of this romantic moment made you smile, you really do miss him.

but a dark memory came right away, not leaving any place for the sweet memories to stay,

“oh so i didn’t pay attention for you for once and now you’re giving fuck eyes to my best friend?” he yelled.

“you’re such an idiot sometimes! sunghoon was actually kind enough to apologize on your behalf! you were basically embarrassing me in front of everyone!”

“so now sunghoon’s the hero? go to him then!”

“why are you so stup—“

“i don’t want to hear your complains, y/n!”

“oh really?—“

“yes! go away!”

thinking about those moments reminded you why you’re still here looking at the hateful list you made about him.

he was toxic, possessive, and full on narcissistic, it was so hard to love him sometimes.

yeji came up to hug you when she noticed a few tears streamed down your face.

“let it go now, you already proved yourself you don’t need him” she smiled and you nodded.

“let’s go home”

the next day felt a lot better than the others, the sun was shining brightly, birds were singing, a big smile was smeared all over your face and most importantly, you felt free.

“morning, y/n!”

“morning yeji! lunch is on me today”

“i look up to you so much, my queen” she faked a bow and you giggled.

the day is going to be amazing, and so are the other days! you’re so sure of it.

you decided to keep up with jake’s game and even started flirting with other guys, not even minding if your ex was watching or not.

usually you would, but not now, or never again.

“what’s your fucking problem?”

while talking to some guy you don’t even remember the name of, jake grabbed your wrist and stopped the conversation.

“what do you mean—“

“i mean flirting with him, he’s supposed to practice—“

“you don’t return from break for the next ten minutes, i can talk with him in the meantime” you rolled your eyes.

“coach said—“

“don’t make up things now and don’t act like you care, we’re already over”

“y/n—“

“don’t play this game with me now jake, you can return to your fangirls and leave us alone” you scoffed and released his hold on your wrist.

he rolled his eyes in annoyance and walked away.

“did you see the way he looked at you? i bet you my whole money that he still loves you” yeji sounded as annoyed as he was.

“be ready to go bankrupt because there’s no chance”

“this asshole thinks you’re still in a relationship, he’s sooooo pathetic!”

“yeji, let’s stop talking about him” you groaned and she nodded.

you were in a really good mood today but he totally just ruined it.

the next few days went by so fast, you felt happier by each day that comes by, and nothing could ruin your mood.

that was until today’s morning.

as soon as you stepped your foot in the school’s hallway, people started gossiping.

“y/n! about point five, does he really put his milk before cereal? that’s disgusting!” a random student just popped up and asked you that question straightforwardly.

“huh?”

a few more students gathered around you and you couldn’t even understand a bit of what they were saying.

“excuse me! coming through!” yeji yelled and pushed everyone aside.

when she noticed you in the middle of the circle, she grabbed your hand and dragged you away.

“are you crazy? why would you post the list?!” she asked frustratedly.

“what list?”

“don’t play dumb!”

“no i’m really serious, what are you talking about?”

she glanced up at you and showed you her phone.

“no way!” you gasped.

someone posted your list!

“yes way! are you that stupid?”

“yeji that wasn’t me! i would never do something so dumb!” you reasoned yourself.

right, why would you even post this if you knew it was going to ruin your reputation?

she sighed and walked back and forth.

“it wasn’t me either!” she said almost instantly.

“yeji, you’re the only one who knows about this list” you said suspectedly.

“y/n, do you really think i’d post this? after shit-talking about him and threatening to kill him multiple times?” she looked genuinely hurt.

you know her ever since you know yourself, she wouldn’t do such a thing.

“you’re right” you sighed.

“so,” she spoke, “who’s the asshole?”

“i wish i knew” you scoffed, “i’d like to know who wants to ruin my image”

there were a few seconds of silence, “yena!” you and yeji shouted together with wide eyes.

“this bitch!” yeji spat, “she probably heard us talking about it!”

“oh i’m gonna give her some good bea—“

you were cut off by the bell and had to head straight to class.

you waited for everyone to get in and told yeji you’d come right after you get to your locker and take your notes.

the hallway was empty and you sighed in relief.

“YOU!!” you heard someone shouting across the hallway.

guess it wasn’t so empty after all.

you looked at the person and found the last person you wanted to see.

“you ruined my life!” the person just got closer and closer and you closed your eyes tightly.

“is it because of our break up? that’s how you get back at me? you ruined everything!”

you sighed heavily.

“and what’s with those points? eight, he’s such a nerd for physics it actually hurts, he won’t stop talking about it all the time, nine, thinks his dog is the cutest and will argue you if you don’t think like him, and ten, he’ll use your deepest secrets against you, he cannot be trusted???” he read out the list for you in disbelief, although you already know it.

“those are all lies aren’t they? why did you even—“

“well what am i supposed to do now? it’s already posted, and no! these are not lies! they’re the truth, if you only cared about how i felt in our relationship you’d realize how much of a dick you were” you scoffed and closed your locker, prepared to go to class since you were already too late.

you glanced at jake one last time, he looked speechless, confused and hurt.

were you too much? maybe. but he deserves it.

“hey y/n! should i be careful if i want to date you? i don’t want a hateful list posted about me if i ever break up with you” a random student yelled from across the hall as you were busy talking with yeji.

you glared at him and decided not to reply.

“ignore them, this whole thing will probably vanish in a few days” yeji caressed your back and you sighed.

“i hope you’re right—“ before you could continue, a hand grabbed your wrist and pulled you away from yeji.

you looked at the person in charge and when you noticed it was very angry looking jake, you started panicking.

“hey, let me go!” you tried to let go of his hold but it was no use.

“why didn’t you delete it yet?” he asked angrily when you got into an isolated place.

“delete what?”

“are you that stupid?”

“obviously if i’m still talking to you”

“i’m talking about the post”

“it wasn’t me!” you argued.

“sure, and i’m actually queen elizabeth” he rolled his eyes, clearly not believing you.

“think about it, why would i ruin my reputation?”

“i don’t know, to get sunghoon’s attention? that’s all you ever did” he shrugged.

“you’re a piece of shit, you know that? try to figure who it was on your own” you spat and walked away, leaving him deep in thoughts.

“oh! there you ar— are you okay?” sunghoon who casually bumped into you noticed your frowned eyebrows and tightly closed fists.

“go to your friend, i think he needs you more than i do”

he slowly nodded, still worried about you but you just kept walking away.

“hey dude! what’s going on?” sunghoon noticed his friend’s weird behavior.

“sunghoon,” jake spoke, “who do you think posted it?”

sunghoon shrugged, “it could be anyone”

“who wants to destroy my image? do you think there’s someone that does?”

sunghoon looked at his friend in disbelief, does he really think only about himself now?

“maybe it was someone who wants to get back at y/n and not you? not everything revolves around you, you know”

ouch. truth hurts sometimes.

but it seemed to hit a nerve and jake suddenly got up.

“yena!”

“ugh! just when i thought my life got better without him now i have a huge scandal because of him” you whined.

“are you sure it was only because of him? i mean, you did leave it in your locker and…” yeji was about to continue but stopped when she noticed your glare.

“on who’s side are you?”

“every coin has two sides and you know it” she pressed her lips and you sighed.

maybe she’s right, instead of always blaming your ex about your life problems, you should face the truth sometimes.

“well if it isn’t the famous y/n!” you heard a voice you wished you’d never hear again.

“yena! it’s so good to see you here” you faked a smile, “what brings you here?”

“i study here” she answered sarcastically and you tried to resist the urge to punch her in the face.

“anyway, your list got so famous that everyone at school talks about it! i think you should thank whoever posted it”

“maybe i should! it really got me some fame, even your boyfriend came up to me today” you teased and her face turned red.

“you’re lying!”

“your boyfriend would say otherwise”

she scoffed and ran away, “tell him i agree to go on a date with him!” you shout as she walked away.

“you should go easy on her” yeji, who was there to witness everything that happened shook her head.

“it was her who posted it, she deserved it” you huffed and sped up your walk to the classroom.

your last class was finished after what felt like a year and as you got out you finally took a deep breath.

“i’ll see you tomorrow, try not to think about what happened today!” yeji sent you off and you smiled at her.

as soon as you stepped your foot in school you wished you could run away.

before anyone would notice you, you tried to sneak around and look for yeji.

“y/n!” god how much you hate universe.

“what do you want jake?” you answered rudely.

“just wanted to say thank you for that list,” he said sarcastically, “it’s not like you ruined my reputation or something like that, hey by the way! do you think i should make one too? i think that would be fun”

“don’t you dare” you groaned.

“then let’s date again”

“what?”

“are you deaf? i said let’s date again”

“what makes you think i’d actually do that?”

“well, we could lie to everyone that we tried to trick them into thinking that we hated each other to see how others will react” he shrugged, “think about it, it’ll save our image, plus you owe me”

“i owe you nothing”

“it’s because of you that we’re in this shitty situation!”

“you can just let it be and people will forget about it sooner or later, now let me go—“

he caught your wrist before you could leave.

“one week, one week of just pretending and then we’ll part our ways peacefully”

truth is, his idea didn’t ring so bad, but you were scared. you were scared you’d fall in love with him all over again.

“what is it, some fake dating love story? you can go fake date sunghoon and that’ll create a bigger scandal than this one” you shoved your hand and rolled your eyes while walking away.

a part of him just wanted to hold you back again in his arms, for real.

“hey jake!” sunghoon greeted him and jake gave him a weak smile.

“did you just talk with y/n? i thought you were angry with her?”

“i don’t know, sunghoon” he sighed, “i just want my old life back”

“yeah you kinda fucked up your life, hey why did you even break up with her in the first place?”

when sunghoon heard about your break up, he was the first to come up to jake and ask him about the reasons, only then he realized jake didn’t really want to speak about it at all.

but now jake felt ready, he felt like he needed someone to hear his side of the story, every coin has two sides right?

there they were, sitting in the field’s seats, looking at the empty space, it was just the two of them.

“when we first got together i was so happy, you already know how much i liked her that time, you even helped me planning all those dates” jake sighed.

“‘sunghoon how do you take someone on a date without telling them straightforward it’s a date?’ i remember you asking me those questions nonstop!” sunghoon laughed.

“yeah, i was on cloud nine, but,” jake paused, “i was scared to lose her, i was so scared to lose her to the point i became overly possessive and anxious when she was around other boys, i was so used to have a one time thing and i didn’t know how to keep relationships, it all became messed up, this whole relationship happened in the wrong time”

sunghoon pat his friend’s shoulder, feeling sad for him.

“each time i tried to fix it, it got worse and i didn’t know how to stop, so i just decided to break it off, it’s better to let her live her life than to stay selfish and keep her to myself” jake sighed yet again, emphasizing the disappointment he feels with himself.

“i actually wanted to say this for awhile, but deep down i know you’re insecure about yourself, and you tried to hide it by boosting your ego and lying to everyone about your true self” sunghoon chuckled, “you were some kind of an asshole before you started dating y/n, and even became more of an asshole after getting into a relationship, you should’ve just talked it out with y/n”

“well it’s too late now isn’t it? she made that very clear that she hates me by writing down that list” jake groaned.

“maybe you should just make one about her and ruin her chances to have any relationship in highschool as well” sunghoon shrugged but jake looked at him curiously.

“i was joking! don’t do that!”

“well? how are we feeling today?” yeji handed you your favorite snack to cheer your mood up.

“thinking about ways to kill yena, how about i poison her food?”

“how about you just talk it out with her?”

“not a chance! i can’t look at her face without fighting the urge to punch her”

“well it isn’t going to help you, is it?”

“no, but it’ll make me satisfied”

“maybe i should just accept his offer?” you murmured.

“offer? what offer?” yeji asked.

“promise me no matter what happens, you’ll never abandon me” you grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at you straight in your eyes.

“have you gone mad? i—“

“promise me!”

“okay, okay!” she laughed, “you’re acting like you’re planning to get back with jake”

your silence told her everything.

“don’t you dare—“

“i have the perfect plan! you know how yena always wanted jake, right?”

“doesn’t she have a boyfriend—“

“boyfriend my ass, she was all over jake all the time”

“continue please”

“she probably posted my list to make sure i’ll never date him again, so she could have her chance,” you raised a brow, “by dating him i could only piss her off, but maybe that’d actually get her to confess about it”

“and then what?”

“then HER reputation would be ruined forever, boyfriend? gone, cheerleading? gone, friends? gone!”

“y/n,” yeji held your hand, “you’re so smart i feel like a proud mom!” she wiped her fake tears away.

later then you searched for a specific person you knew you’d find in the field.

“so,” the person said, “you actually agree?”

“jake, don’t make it harder than it already is” you rolled your eyes, trying to keep up with your cool girl energy, but deep down you were so excited to be close to him again and to hold him in your embrace.

“have you heard? jake and y/n are back!!” as you were walking towards your classroom you heard mumbling from other students.

“i literally just now agreed to this stupid idea how-“

“you know how fast rumor spread here, it’s actually scary”

your thoughts kept running through your mind all the way to lunch break, which was the only time you could ever relax and—

“attention please!” oh no.

“yes, me and y/n are back! this whole list thing? it was just to check everyone’s reaction about it! it’s so smart isn’t it? my sweet baby thought about this idea, and we did figure some weird actions after this whole thing blew up” jake dragged you right next to him and stared right into your eyes, “you’ll never break us apart”

cheers and claps were heard all over the hall and the only thing you thought about now is how to run away.

“congratulations! i was so scared it was real, was just now about to pay (student’s name) a hundred bucks, who lost the bet now huh loser?” one of the students came up to you with a wide smile.

you awkwardly smiled back as you set her off.

“did you really have to do that?” you glared at him.

“i did, see? now no one’s talking about it again” he shrugged.

“everyone stopped talking about it a day after! you’re just too busy thinking about yourself to notice your surroundings” you rolled your eyes.

“you agreed to do that, so be my guest, you knew there will be consequences”

“you’re the worst!”

“you don’t mean that”

you just rolled your eyes in return and stormed off.

“hey my sweet darling, how’s your day?”

“jake, we’re out of school, drop the acting”

you failed to notice his smile dropping.

“can’t i just be curious about your day?”

“jake, it’s weird, it’s been a while since we last talked or had a normal conversation, don’t act like nothing happened”

“what do you mean?”

“see you always does that! even when we were in a relationship! you fail to understand how badly you always hurt me and proceeded to just move on so fast, always running away from your problems”

he stopped his tracks as you continued walking away, this left a huge impact on him.

the next day you were back to acting, according to you, to jake it seemed very real.

you were sitting on one of the benches, casually talking with sunghoon about whatever.

jake seemed to notice every small detail about you.

the way you smile when he’s complimenting you, the way you crack at any of his jokes, even those who weren’t so funny.

you never laughed at his jokes.

“hey, can i steal my girlfriend?” jake sounded calm but his whole face screamed anger.

sunghoon, his best friend who had already recognized that face, slowly got up and smiled, “she’s all yours”

“hey, what was that?” you scoffed.

“you were being too close to him”

you rolled your eyes, “i can’t believe we’re back at it again”

“again?”

“yes, again! jake, get it right into your mind, we are not together! we’re just putting a small show for everyone’s entertainment and that’s it, it’s all about saving your ass here as well” you sounded really pissed off.

jake was taken a back for a few seconds but got right back to his senses, “oh”

“yes, oh! we’ll act like a couple when we’ll really need it” and with that you walked away.

“so,” you heard a devilish voice haunting you from behind as you were taking books out of your locker, “you and jake?”

“oh hey yena!” you smiled, “fancy seeing you here”

“answer my question” she furiously said.

“why are you curious? dropped your boyfriend because you thought you’d get a chance with him?” you smirked.

“oh! here’s my boyfriend!” you called jake who seemed to be very deep in thought.

he looked straight into your eye but decided to just walk away and ignore you completely.

“what the hell…” you cursed under your breath.

“boyfriend, huh?” yena was the one who’s smirking now, “well have fun!”

“what the hell was your problem back then?” you let yourself yell at him as you were out of school and on your way home.

“oh, i thought that we need to act like a couple when we really need it—“

“don’t play dumb right now!”

“i don’t get you y/n seriously! you’re always saying something but mean the exact opposite, what do you want, really?” he returned the attitude.

“what?”

“if you’re that suffering you should just go to sunghoon!”

“again with the sunghoon scandal—“

“yes, again with him! how come you never laughed at my jokes? how come you never smiled at any compliment i’ve given you? why did you always push me away when i tried to get closer?” the heated conversation turned into a quiet one, his tone made it very clear to you that he was hurting.

“w-what…” you whispered.

“you just don’t get it do you?” he chuckled, “my reason to being this jealous”

you stopped to think, all this time, all those arguments, he didn’t mean any bad at all.

“have you tried thinking about those beautiful moments we had? those were the most precious moments that ever happened in my entire life” you voice came quiet, “it was my first relationship ever, my first love, my first everything, i didn’t know how i should react, or what i should do in order to keep you to myself”

his glossy eyes were looking at you.

“you were so not used to doing ‘first time’ things that you failed to notice every little thing that i tried to do to keep us together, have you ever thought about that?” you preached, “i loved you, maybe i still do, but that won’t change anything, will it? it just doesn’t matter anymore”

he tried moving closer to you but stopped, “i-i’m sorry…”

“just go” you wiped the tears that were already streaming down your face.

both of you were hurting, but you didn’t know how to fix it all, it’s so stupid really, you think you’ve grown up to be a better person, but somehow communication puts on a wall that stops it all.

“have you heard? i think y/n and jake are over now, for real!”

“how the fuck did i became the hot topic again? and how come everyone knows about what happened yesterday?” you asked yeji.

“rumors, they spread so fast here” she shrugged and you rolled your eyes.

you watched jake pass you, you took the time to focus on his face.

his eyes seem so tried, puffy and hurt…. you thought.

“well someone had a rough day yesterday” yeji commented and you nodded slowly, still lost in thoughts.

“hey, can you let teacher know i have a meeting with coach today?”

“hm? but you don’t have any—“ “thank you!” you ran off quickly before she could ask any more questions.

“psst! sunghoon!” you whispered as you watched him getting ready for class.

“oh? y/n!” he smiled widely.

“come with me!” you grabbed his hand and dragged him outside the school building all the way to the back.

“y/n can we do this other time? class starts soon and—“

“shh!!” you put your finger over his lips and kneeled down with him, hiding from any teacher or student.

“i need you to help me” you gave him puppy eyes.

“yes of course, what happened?” he instantly asked.

“i’m gonna guess that you’re already aware of what happened yesterday”

“yeah, whatever that was i’d rather forget hearing about this”

“focus! i need you to help me figure out this!”

“what do you mean by ‘this’?”

“i mean everything! you’re his best friend, i’m sure you know about our whole relationship status, i-i just need to know why he broke up with me in the first place” you sighed.

“y/n, you’re not going to like what you’ll be hearing, are you sure you want that?” he genuinely asked.

you looked down to the ground and sighed, “yes, tell me everything please”

maybe asking him not to drop any detail was a mistake, because now after he told you everything and left you alone to get some time to think, you can’t help it but overthink about any step that you did.

“that only shows how bad you were for each other” sunghoon’s last words sent shivers down your spine, maybe he’s right.

“miscommunication sucks!” you laid back on the wall next to you, was this whole relationship a big mistake?

it did nothing but to hurt the both of you.

“there you are!” yeji sounded out of breath.

“so, jake might’ve gotten himself into a tiny fight and—“

“what? where!”

“it was right outside of our classroom but—“

before she could even finish her sentence you ran all the way back to your classroom and she after you.

“there’s no one here” you frowned, “you did this on purpose!”

“i tried to tell you he’s already in the nursery!” she yelled after trying to catch her breath.

“fill me up with information please” you asked quietly.

“you asshole!” as soon as you stepped into the nursery and saw jake laying down on one of the beds, a few tears came down your face.

“y/n! be careful he’s still recovering!” the nurse warned you from causing any more harm.

jake slowly opened his eyes and you scoffed, “fight? really? because of me?” you looked at him in disbelief.

he stayed silent, as if he knew what he did was wrong.

“you have nothing to say?”

“he called you a whore who likes to play with any boy that comes around, what did you expect me to do?” he sounded defensive.

“oh, i don’t know, maybe try to insult him with words and not physically! you got yourself into trouble now because of me” you complained.

“it was worth it” he smirked.

“jake, i’m being serious right now, you can’t act like we’re a couple when we’re absolutely not” as soon as you said this the nurse got the clue and went out of the room.

“that is exactly the problem!” he shout, “i can’t pass another day without you being by my side, you drive me crazy only by looking at me, and hell, i cannot look at any other man flirting with you without fighting the urge to punch him!”

“jake…” you whispered.

“i still love you, don’t you get it?…..i feel like i just can’t continue my day without holding you in my arms….” he held your hand.

you wiped the tears that continued to stream down your face, “you’re probably still suffering from concussion after the fight, i’ll go speak to the nurse”

you let go of his hold and walked out of the room.

a lot of thoughts were haunting your brain, how you wished things would be as simple as they sound.

he confessed to you and you love him, what’s stopping you from running into his arms?

“you’re just scared of giving whatever this was a second chance” yeji said as she took a bite of her food.

“whatever this was, it was toxic, i don’t want that to happen again” you sighed.

“yeah, it was pretty shitty to watch from the side, but i think he genuinely mean it this time” she took another bite from her food.

“how do you know that?”

“i mean really, ever since that list was posted he was around you 24/7, probably looking for excuses to be with you, that whole ‘oh we were just joking, we’re still dating’ thing was a dumb excuse for him to be next to you more, any nine years old can tell you that”

“you don’t have to be that harsh” you scoffed.

“i’m telling the truth babe, as much as i hated his guts, and still do, i think he was genuine about his feelings this time, and by the way you told me everything that happened, i think he really wants to fix it and try all over again” she shrugged.

“i….i don’t know what to say”

“just go and tell him yes already” she rolled her eyes and you nodded.

it’s time to fix your broken relationship.

you walked—ran back to the nursery only to find it empty.

“um…do you know where’s—“ “i saw him going to the field” the nurse answered before you could ask.

“thank you!” you smiled and walked excitedly to the field.

“i did it” you heard a familiar voice, “i posted that list”

before you could see who’s talking, you quickly hid behind a side wall.

“what?” you’re 100% certain this is jake’s voice, but who is he talking to?

“i thought this would finally break whatever you had going with her, i mean, you always had heart eyes for her even after your break up, it was making me sick”

“still, how could you do this to me?” jake sounded betrayed and…hurt.

“you had to move on, seriously, it was becoming unhealthy, i didn’t think it’d only bring you closer, it was such a mistake”

“please stop…”

“when you broke up i thought i’d finally have chance with her, but she was actually always looking your way, not even batting an eye at me”

“sunghoon just stop! i can’t believe my best friend would do this”

was it sunghoon this whole time?

“so it was you?” your thoughts voiced out.

“y-y/n?” you saw jake and sunghoon standing right in front of the other, sunghoon wore a shocked expression while jake just stood there looking completely hurt.

“what kind of an idiot would call himself a best friend? and to think you did all of that for what? to hurt not only him but me as well” you tched, “you’re nothing but an egoistic asshole”

“please just—“

“just go the fuck away! you did nothing but to hurt people, you’re disgusting me” you tried to shoo him but he didn’t budge.

“not going? okay then” you grabbed jake’s hand and walked away, not before shooting him an angry glare.

after a few minutes of walking you sat him down on one of the benches.

“you okay?” that was the first thing you asked.

“yeah, not like my best friend tried to sabotage me or anything” he chuckled.

“i’m sorry for that” you placed your hand on his shoulder, pressing it lightly, “he does not deserve to be called your best friend though”

he looked up to you and his eyes were filled with tears. you wiped the tears away and smiled at him.

“i don’t know if it’s going to help, but i didn’t feel anything for him, and never will”

he chuckled and sniffled, “i always trusted you, but i couldn’t find myself to trust him, i guess now i know why”

you rolled your eyes, “yeah, yeah you were right, i was wrong”

he gave you his infamous smile and the butterflies you felt never felt this good, “thank you” he said.

“for what?”

“for being there for me, and even if you don’t want to fix things right now, i think we might be—“

you shut him down by kissing his lips, he was shocked at first but quickly caught up, caging you in his arms and holding you tightly.

as you broke the kiss you smiled, “i do want to fix things, i want that more than anything”

“do you mean it? aren’t you afraid?”

“as long as i’m with you i have nothing to fear” you smiled.

“ugh! you’re back again? i can’t keep up with this anymore!” you heard an annoying voice.

“hey yena? fuck off” you flipped her off and she stormed away.

“since when did you become so confident?”

“ever since i realized i want to cherish and hold the most precious thing to me forever”

“i love you” he held your hand and kissed it, “i love you too” you replied with a quick peck on his lips.

“aww lovebirds, get back in class now the day’s not over yet!”

PERM TAG-LIST ; @sungwhoonz @unlikelysublimekryptonite @deobiis @manooffline @miumiuoi @in-somnias-world @filmofhybe @wonbinsnovia @daegutowns @aurumiee @soobywon @firstclassjaylee @watamotee33 @moons-v @s00buwu @hoonheepretty @jjeoni-7 @dimplewonie

••• copyright © srjlvr all rights are reserved.

[tobiasdrake]

Oh shit, the reboot of Ranma 1/2 has begun airing on Netflix. I am here for this.

Like a lot of people with gender stuff, Ranma 1/2 was a major part of my formative years. It was the first anime I ever saw outside of dubbed TV broadcasts, before I really understood what anime was. And the first anime I liked so much that I ravenously devoured the manga it was adapting.

To this day, I often find myself thinking back to it. Ranma 1/2 had a lot to say about societally-enforced toxic masculinity, and also about intrinsic gender identity that doesn't change even when the body fails to match.

In a way, it was kind of ahead of its time. It came to us in a time when a lot of genderbending stuff was like, "Okay, if your body turns female, then you're a girl. If your body turns male, then you're a boy. Whatever your body looks like at the moment, that's your gender, those are your pronouns. Now let's come up with a cute little name for what we should call your opposite-gender self when you flip!"

But here was Ranma 1/2 saying, "Ranma Saotome is a man. It does not matter if his body is female or male; he is always a man at heart." He never misses an opportunity to correct people who misgender him - or to seek a cure for the gender dysphoria that his curse routinely inflicts on him.

But he also has extremely rigid beliefs about masculinity and femininity; Beliefs that cage him in a prison of his own mind. He's not ashamed, at times, to take advantage of his curse in order to indulge in things that men "are not allowed to do".

Small things like sitting around an ice cream parlor enjoying a sundae. Real Men (TM) don't eat ice cream! Ranma is proud of his masculinity, but is also a slave to it. He is proud of his gender identity regardless of the shape of his body, but nonetheless cross-dresses to escape from the gendered pressures he places on himself.

And he gave a lot of fans their trans awakening. For a lot of people, myself included, Ranma Saotome was their first experience with the idea that assigned-sex did not have to be the absolute truth of your identity. Many fans took tremendous inspiration from Ranma's curse, and carried their own interpretation of Ranma with them in their heart as they went.

The fandom is overflowing with transfem Ranmas and genderfluid Ranmas and nonbinary Ranmas, because that is what this character meant to the LGBT community of his day.

He may not have been perfect - In fact, when you get right down to it, he's basically just a macho cis regularly forced into drag for comedic effect; This is not Gay Shakespeare - but he left a mark on the community. He was a key that unlocked the identities of a lot of us.

So it's with both excitement and also a degree of trepidation that I say, "Welcome back to modern pop culture, Ranma 1/2."

[kayjaywrites]

Like Bugs in a Rug: Chapter One

Summary: Azriel Shadowsinger, mysterious pretty boy extraordinaire himself, was head over heels in love with you for years. Everyone in the room could see it, except for you of course. A series of connected one-shots.

Chapter Word Count: 6,350 Chapter Music Inspo: End of It - Friday Pilots Club

Chapter Content Warnings: fluff, some cursing, one bed trope, awkward but wholesome communication, AFAB Reader, Reader (You), some details about Reader's appearance but overall vague, canon plot spoilers as this is canon compliant-ish, reader low key being thirsty for Azzie

Note: Hello! Welcome to my first fic in like 10 years! This idea came about when I was having a hard time falling back asleep. I sometimes draft fanfiction when i'm trying to sleep. I don't often remember the plots come morning, but the memory of this one remained intact enough for me to jot down. I’m thinking this update is gonna be the longest chapter because it's both prologue and the first chapter, but I have terrible self control with word count limits. So I guess we’ll see what the next chapters bring, but they may be shorter!

Enjoy me 2am fugue state musings, there are likely typos~

XxXx

Prologue

It was all worth it. The decades of patience and silent suffering. The centuries of loneliness paying off just as you lost hope of ever leaving The Court of Nightmares. You and your father, Kier, expected a typical visit from the Inner Circle. The High Lord would threaten your father to keep him in line, you’d go unnoticed in the back of the throne room monitoring the interaction. Just like every other time they visited.

Except, the High Lord and his Inner Circle asked about you like you were the reason behind their visit. You had clocked the visit as odd as soon as only Rhysand, Feyre, and Mor arrived. The absence of both The General & Shadowsinger at the same time a rarity. Despite being related to Rhysand and Mor, you didn’t think they knew your name, so when they asked Kier about you, by name, your heart damn near fell out of your ass.

They wanted you to leave Hewn City to work with them. A Courtier of the Night Court, working alongside Nesta, Lady Death herself, of all people. They wanted you to start immediately now that the war with Hybern was over. Relations between Courts were strained, and upon learning of your talent, the High Lord deemed it a waste for you to be hidden away down here. He and the Inner Circle believed you did not belong in The Court of Nightmares. To anyone else, having the High Lord speak so highly of your child would have been an honor.

It was the most furious you’d ever seen Kier. Which was saying something. His emotions grew volatile in a blink of an eye, outraged by the absolute gall of the High Lord. How dare he come to his city and tell him that you weren’t meeting your full potential down here? At some point Kier stood up, snarling at Rhysand and the others like a wild animal. Kier, so lost in his anger, let his mental shields falter. Just for a second, but it was more than enough time for your powers to draw his wayward thoughts to you, like a magnet, his unspoken intentions seeped into your own mind. You were always terrible at blocking him out when he got like that.

Power. Kier's thoughts whispered to you. A spy for him in the Inner Circle.

It disgusted you how predictable your father was, his intentions were always about how he could best use you for his own gain. It was the driving force behind your excessive training habits, desperate to protect yourself from the toxicity of his intentions. The more you failed at keeping him out, the more you hated him, and by default hated yourself.

Rhysand was right, you were wasted down here, and it wasn’t that your father didn’t see that, he didn’t care. He wasn’t furious with the High Lord for taking another daughter away from him, he was mad about losing a tool.

Well, your father could rot down here alone for all you cared.

You felt a lot of things in that moment. Intimidated by the prospect of working with Nesta, unsure of Mor’s morals and the rumors surrounding her, apprehensive of Rhysand and Feyre’s power, and not to mention all the unknown dynamics between the rest of the Inner Circle. But, despite all that uncertainty, you did not feel nervous about leaving Hewn City with them.

The first task Kier ever appointed you was to report on Rhysand and his Inner Circle’s intentions every time they visited. Either they all had flawless control over their mental shields, or their icy behavior was an act from the beginning. You never dared to share your suspicions with Kier, your father only wanted ammo for his hate, and he never took kindly to evidence that didn’t support his biases against High Lord Rhysand.

It felt a little too much like blind faith and a hunch for you to be 100% comfortable with the decision, but you decided to put your trust in these strangers anyway.

You would take the job.

Not to be a spy for Kier.

Not out of some duty to your High Lord or older sister.

It was time to live your life for you. Consequences be damned.

But, the focus of this story was not about moving to Velaris with Mor and getting to know the Inner Circle. It wasn’t about how much you rock as a diplomat for the Night Court. It wasn’t about how good it felt the first time sunlight touched your skin upon leaving the underground city. It wasn’t even about how you and Nesta became best friends. However good those stories may be.

However, this story is about Azriel Shadowsinger, and how the mysterious pretty boy extraordinaire himself, fell head over heels for you without you ever picking up on it. Yeah, that’s right, the girl who struggled to control her talent for hearing unspoken intentions never puzzled the pieces together. For literal years everyone else in the godforsaken room could tell the Spymaster was in love with you, except for you.

...one year and a couple months later....

It all started with an argument with Rhysand a few assignments into your career as the Night Court Courtier. You felt like you could handle traveling between Courts without needing an escort, especially if you’d be meeting up with Nesta at the destination anyway. Rhysand did not agree, basically threatening to ground you if you didn’t allow someone to accompany you.

That was how Azriel had become your full-time travel partner. Rhysand appointed Azriel as an additional escort in case Nesta was pulled away.

You’d take this to your grave before ever admitting it, but Rhysand wasn’t wrong to be worried. There had been a good number of times where just that had happened. Nesta would be working the other side of the room, and having Azriel lingering nearby eased your nerves. Prythian was a vast Realm, and Rhys had been right in worrying about your adjustment.

It didn’t take too long for you to adapt once you had visited all the different Courts a few times. Yet, Azriel continued to go out of his way to accompany you to events. The first obvious sign of his affections for you came a little over a year into your career.

The event was in a small Day Court town on the border of the Night Court, just under a day’s travel from Velaris on foot. Home to one of the libraries hit hardest by Amarantha’s looting, the entire town was celebrating the return of a sizable chunk of the stolen volumes. The gala was advertised to be a quaint dinner and cocktail hour. You suspected that scholars and book enthusiasts would be the bulk of those present. Although interested in going, Rhysand had High Lord duties to attend to that involved Nesta and the other Archeron sisters in the Summer Court. With a promise to fill everyone in on anything of interest, you packed a small overnight bag and waited for Mor to arrive home. You never developed the ability to winnow, so you needed someone to bring you.

Fussing with your hair in one of the numerous mirrors decorating Mor’s walls, you couldn’t help but smile at your reflection. Your time in Velaris, just over two years, had already begun to sooth a deep sadness you hadn’t realized had settled under your skin. It was obvious in the gentle way you gazed at your reflection, the healthy flush of your cheeks, and the warmth of your thoughts. Velaris looked good on you, and as you smoothed a hand down the shimmery sapphire blue fabric of the dress that clung to your curves, you thought the new formalwear looked good on you too.

Giddiness bubbled up in you at the idea of modeling the new dress for Mor. The excitement felt foreign still, after spending centuries believing Mor didn’t care to know her own little sister. You never thought you’d ever get the chance to gush over dresses with her. Kier hated everything Mor represented, and was cruel to her in ways that made you feel lucky in a perverse way. Your father may have manipulated and alienated you, filling your head with lies about your older sister, but it was never public. Kier made sure everyone in the Court of Nightmares knew that Mor was a useless whore and a traitor.

When Mor became a core member of the Inner Circle, and Rhysand put her in charge of Hewn City, you would wait for her to acknowledge you during her visits. Decades turned into a century, but the same hope would always rise up when Mor was due for a visit, only to be crushed when she ignored you. She never paid you a second of her time, just a fleeting look in passing as if you were another spectator. Knowing that she wasn’t ignoring you out of ill intent stung more, because you couldn’t bring yourself to hate her.

Kier may be your father, but that didn’t mean you had to be a fan of his intentions. You never believe the rumors he spread about Mor.

And then, the big reveal came. It turned out that to Mor, you were just another spectator. Mor didn’t know she had a younger sister at all. Keir hid you so well that no one realized you were related to him. A detail that made you feel so small when it came to light. You were just the shy woman in the background, taught to be pleasant when spoken to, a pretty little wallflower the rest of the time.

Later, when you asked about who first realized your identity, you got mixed accounts from the Inner Circle. Rhysand insisted that it was he who put the pieces together first. Stating that it came to him suddenly after Azriel submitted a report from a surveillance mission detailing an overheard conversation between you and Kier about your talents. Rhysand claimed that your powers reminded him of a variation of Mor’s. The rest of the Inner Circle credited Feyre for noting the resemblance between you, Kier, and The Morrigan the first time she noticed you loitering at the back of a council meeting.

When the truth was confirmed, and you agreed to go with them, Mor wept. She vowed to never leave you alone in The Court of Nightmares ever again, even for a second. That promise was your first experience with making a deal in the Night Court. Your clear surprise at the intricate tattoo that branded itself over the center of your sternum clued Mor, Rhysand, and Feyre in on how out of touch you were with common lore from your own Court. Mor wasted no time in winnowing you out of there after that. The both of you had heard enough of Keir’s nasty sneers and low-blow comments to last a lifetime.

Now, Mor’s cozy little home was also your cozy little home, if not a bit tight for two people. If someone asked you a decade ago if you thought you’d ever have a relationship with Mor you would advise them to seek out a healer.

And yet there you were, vibrating with things to tell her, anticipating her arrival with an almost goofy grin when…Azriel of all people winnowed into the living room.

Perplexed, but not totally disappointed, “Oh!” you said, clearly taken aback. “I was expecting Mor.”

Azriel huffed a low chuckle, dimples bracketing his amused half-smile. “Sorry to disappoint.”

You looked him over, dark circles under his eyes, droopy eyelids, posture leaning forward in a slight slouch. “Az, didn’t you just return from a long mission? Why aren’t you resting?”

“Wanted to escort you to the Day Court Library Gala, of course.”

The tenderness in his voice had warmth bubbling up from your chest. “That is very kind,” you started, making sure to meet his gaze so he knew you meant it, “but you look so tired, Az. I’ve visited the Day Court a bunch of times now and only need someone to winnow me there. As much as I enjoy having you accompany me to these things, I don’t want you to stretch yourself thin on my account. I’ve got this.”

“I know you’ve got this,” came his immediate reply, “as you’ve pointed out I’ve been gone for a few weeks. What if I offered to escort you because I missed you, hm?”

Despite yourself you felt a flush of heat in your cheeks at his teasing. You refused to use your powers on anyone in the inner circle, unwilling to violate their privacy without explicit consent. But you didn’t need your powers to read Azriel’s sincerity. It made it hard to meet his gaze, you turned back to running your fingers through your hair in the mirror, taking a moment to compose yourself. “Well alright then, I don’t think I can do anything more to tame my hair, we should be off then.”

You felt Azriel at your back, a gloved hand coming up to gently grasp your elbow, guiding your arm down as his hand trailed down the bare skin of your forearm to hold yours, turning you to face him. “Stop fussing, you look stunning, this dress is new, right? I think the color suits you.”

You smiled. “Thank you, I suppose you would like this color, now that I’m thinking about it,” with your free hand you held up the skirt of the floor length dress to the siphon on his wrist, marveling at the color match, “it looks like I did it on purpose.”

He hummed in acknowledgement as he pulled you closer into an almost embrace. “We should go now. Wouldn’t want to miss the opening speeches.”

You suppressed a shudder. Definitely from the way his breath tickled your ear, and not from the way his voice sounded as he tucked you into his chest. “You hate opening speeches.” You pointed out, remembering all the times he complained about how boring they were.

“I do, but you like them.” You’d never said as much aloud, but you did enjoy listening to people talk about things they were passionate about, and opening speeches tended to be just that. Of course the Spymaster had noticed.

If Azriel saw your smile before you hid your face against his leather-clad pec he didn’t let on. You pulled your hands free and looped your arms around his middle, clasping your fingers together under the base of his wings.

“I’m ready then, thank you for coming with me.” Your voice was muffled, unwilling to tilt your head up to talk to him in case your maddening blush was there. It didn’t seem to matter how many times you winnowed with Az, your whole face would go cherry red. Something Cassian never failed to poke fun at whenever he witnessed it.

Azriel wrapped his arms tightly around you, your body now flush to his. You focused on the sound of his wings rustling as he tucked them in closer. Anything to distract from the way your pulse spiked when you felt his lips brush against the crown of your head, his hold on you gentle, yet firm and protective as darkness folded around the both of you.

XxXx

Neither you nor Azriel realized the issue with your room reservation until much too late. Upon arrival in The Day Court the both of you hurried to the event. The gala wrapped up around midnight, and like most of the other guests staying in town, you and Azriel retired back to the nearby Inn. With your strappy heels in hand and a pleasant buzz from the alcohol, you felt positively bubbly. Paused in front of your room, you let Azriel rummage through the small black purse at your side for the key. After almost leading them into the wrong room, Azriel took it upon himself to find the correct room and unlock the door.

Minutes later you were still trying to suppress a smile at how Azriel reacted with such mortification when he realized you’d led them to the wrong room. The mental image of the great Shadowsinger so frantic in his efforts to stop you from further jostling the doorknob, had you letting out a laugh before you could stop it.

“It’s not funny.” He grumbled as he swung the wooden door to your room open, leading you inside. You were on the verge of poking fun at him some more when you caught a glimpse of the interior layout. Right, you had RSVP’d expecting to attend the gala alone. The realization sobered you up real fast.

The room was small, burgundy curtains concealing a sizable window, antique desk with tourist flyers stacked in a neat pile on top. A queen sized, four post bed situated in the middle of the room.

“I’ll take the floor—” Azriel started saying.

But you interrupted him. “—you should have the bed.”

“Absolutely not, what kind of gentleman would I be if I let a lady sleep on the floor while I hogged the whole bed.” He nodded, as if the conversation was over, and you had to fight the urge to roll your eyes at him.

“There’s not even enough space on the floor for you to stretch out Az. The room is basically only bed. It’s fine, I can use my extra clothes—”

You inhaled sharply, tensing at the thought of your overnight bag, left forgotten back at Mor's apartment. Your eyes darted to Azriel, meeting his gaze out of the corner of your eye, and you knew you didn’t need to say anything about it as he scoffed under his breath.

“You forgot your bag.” He observed.

Sighing, you ran a hand through your hair, your tight dress feeling like it was constricting around your chest as you contemplated sleeping in it. “I did indeed forget my bag.”

“We could just go back, we don’t have to stay here for the night.” Azriel pointed out, but the thought of cutting the trip short caused a ripple of disappointment to drop in your stomach.

“Or,” he continued with a hint of amusement, “I have an undershirt beneath my leathers. I changed before I met you at Mor’s, so it’s relatively clean. I was going to sleep in it tonight, but I would sacrifice my shirt for you if it meant you’d stop frowning like that.”

If you thought you were anxious before, Azriel’s suggestion sent your anxiety through the roof. You had always found Azriel attractive, even when you were still living in Hewn City. Who wouldn’t? That attraction grew into a bit of a crush when you first arrived in Velaris. He treated you with such care as you adjusted to living above ground, quiet, patient, and thoughtful.

Once it was apparent that you would be working closely with him you shut that shit down. You and him had spent a lot of time traveling together the last few years, always with separate sleeping arrangements, and never sharing clothing. You went out of your way to respect his privacy, give him space, all in hopes of being someone he one day could trust, like how you trusted him.

You could handle one night, sharing a bed, borrowing his shirt. That wouldn’t totally backfire on you in any way, right? Nodding to yourself once, you tried for an air of confidence as you talked around the nerves that have bloomed in your chest.

“Okay,” you agreed, “but if I change into your shirt you definitely can’t take the floor. I won’t let you sleep shirtless on the ground while I’m all tucked in and cozy in bed. I’ll only take up a sliver of it by myself anyway.”

He opened his mouth to object, his intentions written in the way his brow furrowed at you. But you barreled on anyway, “So, we share the bed tonight. Are you comfortable with that?”

His mouth snapped shut, eyes studying you for a tense moment as if you may be tricking him. You clasped your hands together in front of you, the longer you waited for him to respond the clammier your palms felt. Each second felt like an eternity and in no time at all you found yourself scrambling for a way to play off your idea as a joke.

Of course he wouldn’t want to share a bed with you. What in the world had you been thinking?

Maybe you could blame it on that deliciously fizzy drink you downed before leaving the gala, say you weren’t in your right mind. Pretend to not remember in the morning, as if this wasn’t going to be a moment you cringe about decades later. Would you be able to just laugh it off? Would Azriel be chill enough to let you live this down? You were probably so screwed.

He was still a little tense, but just before your panic truly took root Azriel began to nod his head like he...agreed with you?

“Yes, I think that is the most logical solution. The bed can definitely fit two.” Azriel finally said, and you tried to keep yourself from gaping at his response. But your surprise must have been all over your face because he went on to say, “I didn’t suggest it myself because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Wiping your hands down the front of your dress did little to help with the sweat. The pit that had been taking form in your stomach churned, your dread morphing into jittery nerves.

Then, as if you weren’t having a nervous breakdown right in front of him, the handsome lunatic started striping his leathers off. Dept hands tossing his gloves to the desk, he unclasped the chest pieces of his leathers, they fell to the floor with a thud. Then, the promised black undershirt was up over his head, and you were drinking in all his tattoos and corded muscles like you were a tactless teenager instead of a 300+ year old female.

A flash of movement from him, and you flinched when his shirt hit you square in the face. It was so big it draped over your head. You made a disgruntled noise, ignoring how delicious the shirt smelled as you removed it from your face, “Hey—!”

“If you’re done gawking at me like you’ve never seen a shirtless male, you can get ready for bed first.” He headed further into the room, collecting his chest piece off the floor and approaching the desk to place it with his gloves. He turned to face you, his butt propped against the desk as he gestured to the door his wingspan had been blocking from view. He crossed his arms over his bare chest, flexing his biceps, and you almost swooned at the sight. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Your fist tightened around the shirt, fighting the urge to toss it back at him out of spite. Embarrassment felt like hot iron under your skin, so instead you snapped your attention to the door he had pointed out–the bathroom. You knew you’d averted your gaze much too fast to seem unaffected by him. He chuckled, and you glowered at him as his head tilted to the side, watching you with a bemused expression. He looked about ready to comment further, but you waved him off with faux-annoyance and an exaggerated roll of your eyes. Clutching his shirt close to your chest, you escaped into the bathroom.

Subtle.

Pressing your back to the door, it closed under your weight. You paused there for a moment to focus on your breathing, your frazzled mind going a mile a minute. This was all so far out of your comfort zone, it wasn’t even funny. You never had to deal with handsome males in The Court of Nightmares, Kier didn’t let you socialize long enough for it to even be on your radar. Dating hadn’t quite made your list of top priorities upon arriving in Velaris either.

What little experience you did have was with a male named Allistair. You’d met him at Rita’s within your first year above ground. It was a fling of sorts that lasted a few months before you decided casual dating wasn’t for you. He was a perfectly adequate lover. At least you think he was. He was also your only lover. A nice enough companion as you acclimated to your new life. The times you had been intimate with that male had left you feeling…bereft. Seeing Allistair shirtless had been nothing like seeing Azriel shirtless.

And Azriel calling you out for ogling him so blatantly? Mother have mercy.

So now you were just expected to fall asleep next to him wearing his shirt after that? The situation almost made you want to laugh at the absurdity of it all. The last thing you wanted was to draw his suspicion by loitering against the door for too much longer, so you moved to the sink. Maybe splashing lukewarm water on your face would reveal that this had all been a weird ass nightmare.

Cupping water into your face a couple more times, you took in the smeared makeup dripping down your face in the mirror. Definitely not a dream.

Azriel was going to think you were in love with him for fucksake.

Snatching the nearby hand towel from the rack on the wall you soaked it, and got to work on scrubbing your face clean. You had to have a little more faith in Azriel. He wouldn’t let a single weird moment ruin over a year of amicable teamwork. But your personal relationship with him felt fragile to you at best. You can't let some tattoos and abs mess up what you considered to be the most solid friendship you’d made among the Inner Circle.

So what if he was hot as hell? You could co-exist with attractive people, it was legit a part of your job. You could salvage the situation, just change out of the dress you accidentally matched to the colors of his siphons, put his shirt on that smelled so strongly of him it gave you a headrush, and face him like you hadn't just been drooling over his naked chest.

You know, simple.

The hem of his t-shirt landed just above your knees, and the comfort you found in it was criminal. The black fabric was very soft and so baggy that you worried the wing slits in the back would shift forward in your sleep. It could reveal a little more than what you’d considered 'tasteful side boob'.

Resisting the urge to fuss in the mirror (because it wasn't like you were trying to look cute for anyone, right?), you exited the bathroom clean faced and a bit more settled than when you had entered.

Your bravado, however, was short lived. Azriel faced away from you in only his underwear, the rest of his leathers added to the pile on the desk. He was organizing his various knives on the bedside table closest to the main door.

He looked over his shoulder at you. Totally not catching you checking out his butt in the tight underpants. Cauldron boil you. Would it be weird if you marched yourself back into the bathroom to try the whole “not affected by sexy, almost nude Illyrian warrior” thing again?

Azriel inhaled sharply, and you snuck a glance at him. His attention was back on his knives, but there was a tension to him, almost like he was brooding. There might have been a light blush over his cheeks, but you felt weird analyzing him anymore than you already had out of habit. You clocked the change in his body language for what it was the instant he saw you in his shirt. Clenched jaw, tense shoulders, spine ramrod straight, wide eyed before averting his gaze, elevated heart rate–classic signs of attraction. Reactions he clearly didn’t want you to notice.

"I'm taking this side." He informed almost absently, patting the mattress. Leaving you with the window side.

You wandered to the desk to avoid observing him further, wishing that you could turn off the part of you that always seemed to be prying for more information. And then you felt it, his thoughts getting louder, his emotions growing wilder, reaching out to you. You slammed your mental shields up hard, a gross feeling taking root when it was too late.

Protect. Azriel’s intentions conveyed to you. Protect. Comfort. Provide. Here you were invading his private thoughts without his knowledge, while he was concerned with your wellbeing. What was the point of all that effort Rhysand put into teaching you how to better control your mental shields? It never worked when you needed it most. The failure stung, and you had to busy yourself with folding your dress in a neat square so you had something to keep your hands from shaking.

It was quiet for too long, and you struggled with recalling what he had said to you before you’d lost control. Something about the bed. "Sounds good to me." You decide on saying, placing your dress next to his leathers.

Azriel didn’t seem to find your reply out of the ordinary. Small mercies.

"I'll be out in a few minutes, then." His voice was rougher than before, and it sent chills down your spine. As soon as you heard the bathroom door click shut you scurried into bed. You couldn’t get under the covers fast enough, pulling the blankets up to your neck with a hefty sigh of relief.

It felt awesome to be laying down after such a long evening on your feet. Too bad you couldn’t enjoy it more, instead drowning under waves of shame. Maybe you’d never get a full handle on your powers. Maybe the Mother was teaching you a lesson in this life? You couldn’t fathom what the moral could be. You wanted more than anything to be able to mind your business.

You wished you could turn your brain off. Alas, even your guilt couldn’t stop you from reflecting and organizing what you’d just observed. Not only had you heard his intentions, but you also felt them. Unlike the sweet warmth of his thoughts, his gaze had felt like desire and bad decisions.

He didn’t seem like he was actively seeking to bed you. You reasoned that you were also an available female wearing nothing but his shirt and a pair of panties. You could only imagine how all of that must have chafed against his Illyrian instincts. Rhysand had once mentioned that Illyrians were possessive and protective at best, controlling and jealous at their worst.

Surely those possessive instincts were what you were picking up on, then. You were covered in his scent after all. That was the only logical explanation for his reaction, his instincts were telling him to protect you because you were vulnerable and wearing his clothing. Even if it didn’t quite sound right to you, it was the only explanation you were willing to entertain. You were barely friends, there was no way Azriel wanted to court you. The thought sent a fleeting pang of disappointment through you that you refused to examine.

Whatever. There wasn’t anything you could do to make the situation less messy right now. You were exhausted, and stewing on scenarios that would never amount to anything real was unlike you.

Snuggling further into the sheets, you decided it was best to just pretend you hadn’t noticed shit. The damage was done, Azriel wasn’t dumb, he at least knew he had flustered you. You weren’t going to draw any more attention to that tonight. Or tomorrow. Or ever. Everything about this night was a fluke.

Azriel returned from the bathroom, and you kept your focus on fluffing your pillows. Sitting up you tossed an extra pillow onto the floor, and you could feel as soon as his eyes landed on you that some of his…instincts…were still acting up. You pulled the comforter back up to your neck as he got into bed next to you. Turning on your side to face him you were determined to be normal. No more awkward gawking allowed tonight.

He stretched his arms up above his head, his joints popping a million times as he groaned in relief. You couldn't help chuckling at him, the fearsome Shadowsinger of the Night Court, doing something so mundane.

Scooting further onto the bed, Azriel rolled over to meet your gaze, his wings tucked close to his back as he settled. Most of his wingspan spilled over the side of the bed anyway. He surveyed you, eyes lingering along your tired but genuine smile, and you saw the stern tenseness slowly leave his body. "You sure you're comfortable with this?" He asked.

Your smile turned a tad warmer. This male was just so kind, so different from what you knew in Hewn City. "I am, I trust you Azriel." It was the truth. You didn't have friends growing up, and although you may have a long way to go before Azriel truly called you his friend, you considered him a dear (sexy) friend.

Your words seem to settle something in him, and you could have sworn you saw something almost affectionate flash across his face. You blink, and it's gone, but the fuzzy feeling it left in your chest remained.

Like he sensed your mushy thoughts, he ruined the moment. "So I have to ask you something, it’s serious.”

Your brows raised in bemused interest, the scenario with him wishing to court you snapping to the forefront of your mind again. He’d always been very attentive to you, but in a worried protective way. You’d never picked up on any romantic intentions from him before, and he’s not the type to make a decision like that on a whim. The chance was small, but you couldn’t 100% rule out him wanting to ask you out. Could you say no to him? Would you even want to say no? You’d never considered this as an option before!

He held your gaze, as if for dramatic effect and then with the seriousness of a top notch spymaster he asked you, “You have seen a shirtless male before...right?"

Maybe it was a mistake to consider this male kind, he was a menace all along.

You had never rolled your eyes so hard at someone. Unbelievable.

Turning away from him with enough force to toss your hair in his face, you are rewarded with the sound of his indignant grunt.

"Can you turn the light off please?" You snap, unable to rein in your annoyance. Unsettled by how it tasted almost like rejection.

"You didn't answer my question." He goaded, and you fell right for it.

"Yeah, because it's a silly question." You fire back.

He hummed at your response, "Doesn't seem like you think it's a silly question."

You would rather swallow your own tongue than admit to Azriel that you’d seen shirtless males, but he had been the first you’d enjoyed seeing shirtless.

Done with the line of questioning, you blindly flung your arm back, swatting at him. He startled at the contact, and he exhaled a scoff when you didn't stop flopping your arm at him after the first blow.

He caught your wrist, stilling your flailing. "Fine, fine, I'll drop it," He let go of your wrist, “for now.”

You shifted to burrow further into your pillows, totally not dwelling on how his big hand wrapped around your wrist made you feel dainty. The texture of his scars hadn’t made your heart skip a beat either. Nope. Not at all.

"Could you shut the light off please." You asked again with more venom than you intended. It bothered you how easy this male could get under your skin. He wasn’t even trying.

You felt his weight shifting, the bed frame squeaking a bit as he moved. "Anything for you, Princess." He shuffled a little more, and then the light went off, casting the both of you in darkness.

The nickname made you grimace into your pillow. No one had ever called you that before, and you really didn’t want it to catch on.

You felt him return to the position on his side facing you. Some moments passed in loud silence, and although you were the one that let the conversation drop, the residual tension in the room was killing you. There was no way you would be able to fall asleep, and you would bet that Azriel was stewing in the tension too.

"Az?" You whispered. His response was quick like he’d been waiting on edge for you to speak, "Yes?"

"Goodnight." And you found yourself meaning it. You hoped he got some sleep tonight despite the turmoil he had so effortlessly sowed in your stomach with his teasing. The prick.

You could practically hear the mischief in his voice. "Sleep well, princess."

Ugh. Your stomach coiled, but not in an entirely unpleasant way. Very dangerous. It was an inappropriate reaction, and you wrote it off as stress. However as hard as you wished to forget it, you wouldn’t be forgetting how Azriel had made you feel that night anytime soon.

Even your racing thoughts couldn’t stop sleep from finding you, putting you out of your misery.

And if you woke up to the sounds of song birds that morning, your face pressed against Azriel's neck, your body sprawled atop him while he slept on his back, then that was your business. No one would know if you relished being in his arms a few minutes longer than necessary. You wouldn’t confirm nor deny if one of his hands had looped through a wing hole of his borrowed shirt, his fingers resting just under your breast.

And so what if it had been the best sleep you'd gotten since leaving Hewn City. And if Azriel seemed more well rested than usual on your return to the Night Court, you certainly didn't notice that either.

XxXx

Next Chapter

[zacrete]

Migrating to Tumblr feels oddly similar to my egg cracking. All those years on Reddit, lurking silently, staying observant while keeping my head down and trying to avoid being noticed, terrified that if I’m seen or heard, I’ll get my ass handed to me. But I didn’t know anything else, so #thisisfine. I see the kids laughing gayly over there with their brightly colored furbys and Goncharov t-shirts and feel a confusing longing, but they’d never let me hang with them. I don’t belong in that world. I wouldn’t know how to tell them that I think they’re cool.

Then the boycott happens and I’m all sad and bored and find the Tumblr app buried in the back of my phone. I got it a while ago, didn’t really know why. Took it out and looked at it now and then, but was never bold enough to give it a shot. But whatever, nothing left to lose, right?

So I open it up and look for a bit. It’s pretty. It’s so pretty. I get that sense of longing again. I hesitantly run my finger over the reblog button and…I like it. I don’t know why, but it’s comforting. It wasn’t as weird as I thought it might be. Or if it is, it’s weird in a good way. I keep digging around, learning, exploring, and see that there are actually a lot of people who feel this way. They’re finding themselves, really seeing each other for the first time, being welcomed and gently guided into this strange new life by this community. People are really supportive here. I’m not used to this feeling.

The more I explore, the more comfortable I’m becoming. I think I might be able to be myself here. It feels like maybe, just maybe, I’ve found my people. Maybe I’m not anti-social media. I’d just never had a safe environment. So let’s try this. I’m scared, but I’ve got to do it. Make my own post and come out socially. I…I’m not a Redditor. I thought I was. I tried to be, but it only ever made me sad. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I don’t think I can ever go back to that life.

Finally admitting it, breaking out of that abusive, toxic environment…I’m feeling something I’d forgotten how to feel. Hope.

[90sastroglam]

Placements that indicate the native might have issues in close relationships

Hi everyone! It's been a while, but here's a list of a few placements that might experience issues in forming and/or keeping close relationships.

Let's start:

1. Personal planets harshly aspecting Uranus/Neptune (especially sun, moon, venus and/or mars)/Uranus in 4th house/Neptune in 4th house

Sun aspecting Uranus and Mars aspecting Uranus would indicate an unpredictable father, meanwhile Moon and/or Venus aspecting Uranus would convey an unstable mother. Either way this can be way harder than it seems on the surface, since there can be a lot of reasons behind this behaviour from them.

Can also result in neglect... those who are unstable mentally usually can't take care of themselves, much less of a child.

2. Lilith in 7th house/Mars in 4th house/Pisces placements (if badly aspected in chart)

This individual likely grew up in a household where healthy relationships weren't a thing. The mother could have been very submissive to her husband.

Can make these people extreme people pleasers and cause difficulties to put boundaries in their relationships in a healthy way (they'll likely avoid any issue completely until they can't handle it anymore, then they'll blow up at the people closest to them, be extremely passive agressive or avoid them/cut them off altogether).

For the Lilith in the 7th house person ir also causes issues in trusting people and forming close relationships at all...

3. Lilith in Cancer/4th house

Self explanatory... causes issues with women mostly.

These natives don't feel welcome in their own home. They're likely the scapegoats of the family and have felt rejected by those closest to them.

Also probably developed unhealthy attachment styles and avoid close relationships, as they didn't feel comfortable in their own home growing up.

4. Chiron in 3rd house/Mercury harshly aspecting Chiron

Might be an unexpected placement to put here, but this likely indicates abusive/toxic dynamics with siblings/school peers.

Conveys bullying by peers and/or teachers (either that or the teachers saw them being bullied by peers and didn't do anything to protect them).

They struggle with communication and social interactions because of this. Probably feel very misunderstood as well.

This is it for now... remember this is based on what I know, some experiences and opinions... probably doing a part 2 soon <3

Please comment if you have any of these and tell us your experience if you feel comfortable, I would really like to know everything I can!

Xoxo, Lily.

[ovaryacted]

what about ID Leon (feel like he’d have been a total fuckboy atp as a sort of phase) but what ab he always comes back to you and after a heated argument he fucks you as he’s pressing your face into the mattress while you're crying and clutching the sheets as you’re begging him to let you finish again 🤭

MDNI/18+. NSFW. | cw: Leon is ooc. Possible toxic relationship.

Ooooooo, you’re cooking here anon. Even though I personally don’t headcanon or view Leon as a fuckboy (because let’s face it, that man is not getting laid for the life of him I mean…), let’s go ahead and say he has an ego and it is reflected in his shitty communication skills (cause of anxiety and trauma womp womp).

-

It was a heated moment where Leon accidentally raised his voice at you, mentioning something about not listening to orders on a mission. It was a close call and you had ventured off without Leon’s support, and he kept calm until you were both back home. It first started as a regular conversation until it deviated from Leon not being able to keep you within arm’s reach, to you being too individualistic. You knew why he did this, he was often too worried for his good and you’d always remind him that you could handle yourself even if he didn’t believe you.

“You have to listen to me when we’re out there. Do you know what could’ve happened or do you just not give a shit?”, Leon huffed out a breath, his arms crossing over his chest and shooting daggers at you.

“Well, I’m not you Leon, not all of us think the way you do. The sooner you accept it the better!”, you grew more defiant, more angry for God knows what. The bitterness you felt from Leon always being gone to never listening to you on missions started to fester out of control.

The argument only got more intense, turning into a yelling match between the both of you. Hurtful words were said, things neither of you meant, and with a cruel “Go fuck yourself Leon”, you watched him walk out the door and slam it behind him.

You pissed him off, he pissed you off, but there was nobody else who understood your relationship the way you both did. This wasn’t the first time you two argued either, often happening after you were both stressed out and didn’t find a proper release for it. You couldn’t blame Leon entirely, always being forced to do the government’s bidding and having limited freedom would put anybody on the verge of a breakdown. Being each other’s vices also didn’t help, so it wasn’t surprising when you found Leon knocking on your front door with furrowed eyebrows close to a day later.

He smelled like whiskey, not too much to the point where it was dizzying, but enough to let you know he was drinking. Leon wasn’t there to talk, you knew that much, stuck in a never-ending cycle of adrenaline and unresolved issues.

That was how you found yourself in this position now, face down ass up on the mattress. The things that happened after you welcomed Leon back into the apartment and closed the door behind him were a blur. You remembered him kissing you hard on the mouth, walking you backward towards the bedroom and yanking on your clothes. He wasn’t gentle, not entirely, but when he pulled you forward by the leg as his mouth gravitated towards your cunt, you couldn’t stop him. You didn’t want to.

“Leon…please…”, you could barely speak, barely think, your brain was melting and spilling out of your ears along with the rest of you. You couldn’t bring yourself to care about the consequences and how this might seem. Always fighting with this man just to end up back in bed with him was something you should be embarrassed about. But with the way he was pummeling into you, it was easier to forgive him.

“Just shut up”, he muttered under his breath, fucking into you harshly from behind and focusing on the way your walls pulsed around his cock. He was relentless, moving in an aggressive push-and-pull that hadn’t stopped since he crossed the threshold of your front door. The back of his hand grabbed onto your head, pushing your face against the mattress and making you release a muffled whimper.

You hid your face in the bed, tears slipping down your cheeks and your fingers digging into the sheets. Maybe this was what you deserved, to be tested constantly so Leon could come back home, back to you.

“Quit your fucking whining, I’ll let you cum”, Leon didn’t stop, knowing you were on the verge of cumming all over him for the umpteenth time. No matter how mad he was at you at the moment or how badly you pissed him off, he would let you cum however many times you could.

Sometimes you hated him for it, how he could play your body like a violin and pull every string taut until it snapped. He drained you, he stressed you out, but you still gave yourself willingly every time because that’s what made him stay.

This was how he liked you. Pliant and taking what he had to give. That was all you could do, because no matter what, Leon always came back to you.

[urfavoritesecretadmirer]

I love you systems who

• I love you systems who thought you were genderfluid at first. This is actually really common, and same.

• I love you systems who are/were in denial. We were in denial for the longes time.

• I love you systems who have accepted it. We are also learning to accept it and we understand it is difficult, you got this.

• I love you systems who’s first therapist didn’t understand. Our therapist didn’t understand at first. It may be hard to find a therapist at first but that’s okay.

• I love you systems who are diagnosed. You guys are so brave and I’m so proud of you.

• I love you systems who don’t want to be diagnosed. That’s completely fine and I understand, I’m still so proud of you.

• I love you systems who are self diagnosed. Great job on all your research over these past few months/years. I’m glad you finally know how you’ve been feeling now.

• I love you systems who are now in a safe environment. I’m so happy for you, continue to settle into this environment. I’m glad you’re safe.

• I love you systems who are still in toxic environment. I’m so sorry, it will get better I promise. You’ll get out one day, and until then we are here for you.

• I love you systems who were misinformed about some things at first, it’s okay. You are still learning and you should not be shamed because someone else misinformed you.

• I love you systems with high alter counts. You are not any less valid than other systems, and I understand the struggle of high alter counts.

• I love you systems who have low alter counts. It is still difficult, and I know you all will push through. I believe in you.

• I love you systems who love being a system. I know how you feel, you don’t feel alone anymore. It’s okay to love your headmates. It’s okay to see your system as a cure rather than a curse.

• I love you systems who hate being a system. This is totally okay and it’s natural to feel this way. As well as it’s okay to think of being a system as a cure, it’s okay to think of it as a curse. Being a system is hard and I understand your struggles.

• I love you systems who are neutral about being a system. It’s the same for us, it’s okay to not love or hate it. I’m here with you.

• I love you systems who are newly discovered. First of all, welcome to the system side of tumblr. Second, we are all here with you. Make sure to do your research further and if you want, try communicating with your system. I’m glad you have discovered yourself.

• I love you systems who thought they were endogenic at first because you didn’t remember your trauma. I’m sorry you went through that, and I’m glad you figured out how you feel.

• I love you systems who fit the demonized stereotype. This does not make you any less valid and it doesn’t make you all bad people. Media is bad sometimes, trust me we love you and you are valid.

• I love you systems who don’t know their head count. It’s okay to not know everything about your system, and as sad as it is, you may never know everything. But that’s okay.

• I love you systems with really good communication. Being able to communicate is a very big plus to being a system, and I’m so proud of you that you can do that. (Can we maybe have some communication tips? /nf)

• I love you systems that have low/no communication. That’s okay, and you are not invalid. If you want to work on communication, that’s great. If you don’t, that’s great too. We’ll be here for you all the way.

• I love you systems who are still in MS/HS. I know how rude kids can be, and I know it may be scary to tell kids your age you’re a system. You will get through this.

• I love you systems who mask/hide your system for any reason. You don’t have to explain to anyone why you hide being a system. I understand. And I’m with you.

• I love you systems who use hyper specific labels. That’s totally fine and I understand. Labels can make you feel organized, and it’s a very helpful thing to use.

• I love you systems who use no/some labels. This is okay, not using labels can make you feel less stressed and it may just be easier.

• I love you systems who don’t present their system online. This is okay, privacy and safety is an important factor to everyone’s lives.

• I love you systems who have whole accounts dedicated to your system, this is okay and really cool that you’re helping people learn about systems.

• I love you systems who are introject heavy. Whether it’s factives, fictives, fuzztives, you are valid. You can’t control what alters are in your system and that’s okay.

• I love you systems who have alters from “problematic” sources. You are still valid, again, you can’t control what alters you do and don’t have. You are loved.

I love you

[batboyblog]

Welcome to Infrastructure Week, Biden edition.

For the 4 years of the Trump Presidency it felt like every other week was gonna be "Infrastructure Week" but some piece of chaos derailed the Trump White House's plans.

well Yesterday, May 13th 2024, The Biden Administration declared this week Infrastructure Week to highlight ALL the major work they've done in the last 3 years.

Under the 2021  Bipartisan Infrastructure Law $454 billion in funding has gone to over 56,000 specific projects across all 50 states, the territories, DC, and tribal communities.

The White House launched a Map of all the projects you can look at

The Bipartisan Infrastructure Law is part of President Biden's wider Investing in America agenda, and together with the Inflation Reduction Act, the CHIPS and Science Act, the American Rescue Plan, all passed by Biden and Democrats in Congress has brought $866 billion dollars in private sector manufacturing and clean energy investments.

They released a State by State factsheet to show projects in all 50 states, all the territories and DC

Roads & Bridges: The Biden Administration has launched improvements on 257,000 miles of roads, and repaired 13,000 bridges. This $300 billion investment in our roads and bridges is the biggest since President Eisenhower’s interstate highway system in the 1950s. The Administration has given special attention to addressing historic injustice in our infrastructure. Many minority communities have been divided by highway bypass projects from the 1940s forward, such as the Sweet Auburn neighborhood of Atlanta Georgia. The Biden-Harris Administration is now helping reconnect divided communities and righting historic wrongs. The Department of Transportation put out a video highlighting the story of Philadelphia's Chinatown, how being split in half and have a multilane highway in the middle of their community effects them, and how the Stitch project will positively impact the people who live there who have fought for years for such relief.

Rail: The Biden Administration has invested  $66 billion for rail, the largest investment in passenger rail since the inception of Amtrak. The President recently announced $16.4 billion for 25 passenger rail projects on the Northeast Corridor. This will improve service for riders from Boston to Washington DC. President Biden has also announced $8.2 billion in new funding for 10 major high speed passenger rail projects across the country. These include a high speed rail project to connect Los Angeles with Las Vegas, which broke ground April 22nd. Planned to be finished in 2028 in time for the LA Olympics, the train will take 2 hours to get from Rancho Cucamonga, California to downtown Las Vegas making it the fastest way between the two cities.

Transit and School Buses: The Administration has invested $90 billion in public transit, the largest in American history. To date the DoT has helped replace 3,000 public buses with low or zero emission buses while the EPA has replaced 5,000 school buses with clean buses.

Electric Vehicle Charging, EV Batteries & Critical Materials: The Biden Administration is the first to directly invest in electric vehicle charging. the number of publicly available charging ports on America’s roads has surpassed 182,000, over a 90% increase since President Biden took office. The President has also invested in domestic manufacturing of batteries, already five manufacturing plants have broken ground.

Clean Water: The President invested over $50 billion government-wide for the largest upgrade to the nation’s water infrastructure in history. This funding places us on a path to meet the President’s commitment to replace every toxic lead pipe in America and works to close the wastewater gap for 2 million people who lack basic sanitation. These funds have already financed over 1,400 drinking water and wastewater projects across the country, including over 800 projects that will deliver clean water for Tribal communities that lack basic water services. To date, the Administration has deployed funding that will help replace up to 1.7 million toxic lead pipes. 

High-Speed Internet: The Bipartisan Infrastructure Law invests $65 billion to help ensure that everyone in America has access to affordable, reliable high-speed internet—regardless of their income, race, or zip code.  Over the last year, all 56 states and territories have developed their plans for how they will spend more than $40 billion in funding to connect every unserved location within their borders. That funding comes atop $1 billion for middle-mile infrastructure, which will build more than 12,000 miles of fiber across 370 counties. These projects, will connect 10,500 people, 1,600 farms, and 295 businesses directly to fiber networks. The Department of Commerce has also awarded 148 Tribal Broadband Connectivity Program (TBCP) grants, serving over 280 Tribal Governments, which will connect more than 65,000 Tribal households, subsidizing thousands of devices, and funding digital inclusion activities for Tribal communities. 

Deploying Clean Energy: The Bipartisan Infrastructure Law includes more than $62 billion in funding at the Department of Energy to advance our clean energy future by investing in clean energy demonstration and deployment projects, developing new technologies, and modernizing our power grid. This includes an investment of over $20 billion to upgrade the nation’s grid—a critical component to achieve President Biden’s goal of delivering a 100% carbon-pollution free power sector by 2035. 

Legacy Pollution: Thanks to funding in the The Bipartisan Infrastructure Law the EPA has been able to cap 8,000 orphaned oil and gas wells, with tens of thousands more to be plugged in the years to come. Over 100 Superfund sites have also been cleaned up or started with funds from the Law as well.

And More!

[winterpinetrees]

At the start, I didn’t think much about the Reddit strike. I use Reddit often, but it wasn’t hard for me to just…not use it for a few days. “Yay, let’s strike! Anyway.”

But now, it’s really hitting me just how horrifying all of this is. Three times today I’ve tried to find an answer to some obscure question, found an answer on Reddit, and then been blocked from it because the subreddit was privated. Say what you want about Reddit being an unreliable source, but so much gathered knowledge is currently locked away, and it will be lost forever if Reddit collapses because of the changes. I keep thinking back to last year’s r/place. How beautiful that collaboration was. I even used it in class to try and justify the internet to a teacher, and she found it profoundly meaningful. And now this hub of culture that seemed so permanent last week feels like it’s on borrowed time. All of this history is both frozen in time and on thin ice. There’s nothing to replace it right now. Definitely not tumblr, with its search functions that feel downright malicious.

Maybe I’m just new, but I don’t think community can live on here like it does on Reddit. It can live, but it’s doomed to be nomadic. Posts cycle around for years but you’d struggle to find a specific one without using google. Here, we’re always going to be wanderers, shouting into the void, walking the same familiar tags. Hold onto your mutuals, because they’re all you have. But Reddit is both community and archive. You can find people there, find things, find decade old posts. There’s problems of course, but I think the toxicity is worth it for everything else that it offers. There’s wisdom on Reddit. We will lose so much if we lose it.

To the Reddit refugees. You probably won’t see this post, but if you do, welcome. It’s a mess here, but you can find some things if you’re patient.

[chloeangelic]

thank you and goodbye 💗

I've made the decision to leave Tumblr and continue posting on AO3 instead (including my ongoing series, ie SWID, TMWH and SFTD). I am not deactivating - all my posted works will stay up, but you won't be seeing me here at all, I'm sorry.

I can't stay in a community where people are so concerned with avoiding drama that they're willing to stand around and watch someone get bullied and harassed until they no longer feel welcome here. I understand not wanting to post about it in fear of getting harassed yourself, but that shouldn't stop you from reaching out to the person involved and asking what's true and not. You're still welcome to message me for clarification if you wish.

I wanted so badly to just ignore it and move on but I'm not made of stone. I can't scroll the feed anymore without wondering who thinks I'm a terrible person based on claims that were admitted to being fabricated. I haven't talked shit, I haven't lied, I haven't manipulated, I haven't done anything I've been accused of and neither has Iris. This has been insulting and awful for both of us, and there's been almost zero repercussions for the people starting this drama.

If you have no idea what I'm taking about, please read this post. If you contributed to this through spreading rumors, trashing me in group chats, vagueposting about me, or reblogging nasty posts/anons about me - congrats, you've bullied someone on the internet. Do you feel better about yourself now?

The only way I can continue posting fic is unfortunately by removing myself from what has become an incredibly toxic environment, which is disappointing and shocking to see from a fandom full of grown adults.

So to my readers and the friends I've made here - I love you with all my heart, and I can't thank you enough for your support. My casual readers, my reply guys, you have given me the gift of writing, which has been so healing for me and something I hope to keep doing for a long time to come. I want to stay in touch with you and I want you to be able to continue reading my stuff, so you have a few options.

I will be posting on my AO3 account also called chloeangelic. If you subscribe to me there, you'll get emails when I upload. If you don't have an AO3 user, message me on discord @ chloeangelic and I will personally send you the link when I've posted to whichever series you're interested in. ETA: I tried to make a new account to message with people but tumblr shadowbanned it, so discord will be the only way to get in contact with me.

I might come back one day, but right now, going on the dash literally gives me a stomach ache and I don't see that changing in the near future. I have high enough self esteem to know that I don't deserve to get treated the way I have, and I need to go where I'm celebrated, not just tolerated.

All my love + I hope to see you over on AO3,

Chloe

[kaliforniahigh]

Want to be in the Bad Omens fandom but don't want to deal with the drama? I have some tips for you as a newcomer:

Number 1: the first thing you'll find out about is what what people like to call the "lore". Stay away from gossip blogs, they can drag you to the deep end and you'll find out about things you don't and shouldn't know about. Also try to keep away from Twitter, most of the drama here makes its way there.

Remember that most things shared about Noah were done against his will, and a lot of it is not supposed to be on the internet for everyone to see. That includes pictures of him as a minor and other stuff I won't get into, so report anyone who is sharing those, please. Don't try to find out whatever was happening in his life when he was a teenager/young adult, he's made it very clear he is a completely different person now.

Number 2: Block!!!! I have blocked every gossip blog I've come across ever since joining the fandom. There is new drama everyday and there is no use in trying to look it up. A lot of those people are toxic and have no boundaries whatsoever.

Number 3: don't try to find out who the people mentioned in those blogs are. You'll get into a rabbit whole and some things can be pretty upsetting as a new fan. Just keep in mind that private things were shared when they shouldn't have been, by some people who wanted nothing but cause harm and spread hate.

Number 4: don't interact with those blogs. I have done it before and you'll just be feeding into the problem.

Number 5: filter whatever you see on here. You don't have to answer to anon hate, they send it to get a reaction out of people and it works most the the time, unfortunately. Ignore them, delete it and try to move on. They don't deserve your time of day.

Number 6: support fic creators and the people who keep this a safe space, even with all the toxicity involved. We're here to have a good time and support the people and band we love so much.

I hope this helps. Despite everything, this community can be very welcoming and there are a lot of great people here. You just have to get past some barriers to get to the good stuff.

[nemisuki]

A Simple Click

Gamer AU | Finding an outlet to cure her boredom was desperately needed, so much so that she downloads a game full of magic and chibi characters. But what happens when she stumbles across a certain blonde spamming her to join his guild? She takes the offer of course! Gaining a new way to level up, make friends and perhaps even love. 

᧔o᧓ || katsuki bakugo x f!reader, no manga spoilers, no nsfw, online meeting, bakusquad involved, 6.6k word count

The thought of playing multiplayer games has never crossed her mind. Y/N knew such gaming communities were toxic especially for females. So she strayed away from them and played solo for the most part. But recently as she was mindlessly scrolling through instagram, a gameplay caught her attention. 

The main reason was the unique way the characters looked. They were all chibi and absolutely adorable to her with different accessories and customizable features. The more she looked into this game, the more tempted she was to play. It was multiplayer but she couldn't imagine any toxic people playing this whatsoever. I mean, a chibi game? Yeah right. 

Y/N needed to find a cure to her boredom and her current free-play games weren't cutting it. Now on winter recess from highschool, she had three weeks living in the confines of her room with nothing to look forward to. It felt as if everyone she knew would be going out on travels, besides her. Her family was never one to do family vacations, usually spending the holidays at home. She was beyond bored. 

With not much convincing needed and an empty mind to distract, she went to her laptop and clicked on the app store. Installing the game and settling down at her desk located at the corner of her room. Despite watching a brief gameplay earlier, she wasn't used to these games or its mechanics. This would all be new to her. 

The app ‘Wispy Guilds’ soon popped up on the computer's home screen with a ding! 

Y/N clicks on the icon and loads up the game, not aware of the future chaos she brought into her life. Perhaps it was fate that brought her and a certain blonde together. And it all started with a simple click. 

The program opens and Y/N is welcomed into the opening screen of the app. Faced with a pretty scenery of what looks to be a mythical oasis, different shades of greens and blue filling her screen. It looks to be a forest with a castle-like building in the middle of the area. Little chibi characters walk in and out of the place, majority dressed as wizards and others as knights. While others occasionally wear funny costumes or props. 

Y/N clicks on the bubble letters displayed in the bottom of the screen ‘Create Account’. She types in all her necessary information but pauses when she sees the username section. 

“Aw man you have to pay to get a custom username! This sucks..” she sighs with a hint of disappointment. Her eyes lock on the small dice icon and she mumbles a plea beneath her breath as she hovers the cursor over it. 

“Please nothing too bad” she says as she clicks the icon to generate a random username. Her eyes darted to look at the result…. ‘StarHae’. 

“Oh you've gotta be kidding me! But it could be worse I guess” she whines with a small pout on her face. With that now out of the way, she clicks continue and goes to the next page. The character customization page pops up and Y/N gets right on it. 

Unfortunately there's not much options since she's only level one but she tries picking the cutest options. With no access to the higher level equipment, she decides to put on a starter black cape accompanied with a common level sword. Due to the lack of unlocked accessories, she settles with that and then clicks ‘Finish & Join’. 

Her screen turns into a small loading scene that resembles a portal, almost like she's being transported into another world. Then a few seconds later she is in the game. Her small chibi character spawns in what seems to be in the center of a town. Other chibi players roaming around and visiting merchants or chatting with other people. 

Y/N clicks on the W key on her keyboard to move forward to explore. Her avatar shifts left and right as it explores the town square. This place seems to be the lobby where everyone is able to spawn in and purchase items or trade. She looks around at the other players and notices they're all higher levels from her, as to be expected of course. An occasional low level player here and there is seen roaming around as she walks around the shops, but few are seen.

A bright yellow arrow appears on top of her screen seemingly leading her to this npc character under ‘Quests’. She follows it, her small avatar running towards the yellow area that's lit up to grab her attention. A small tab appears in the middle of the screen once she steps close enough to the character. The npc is an older man with white hair and a beard, a small beginner cape on his avatar. Y/N clicks on the tab and a tutorial quest appears on her screen. 

“Lets see….. Kill five wolves in the hunting grounds” she mumbles out loud to herself. She doesn't have a choice to exit the tab, so this must be required. She accepts her first mission and a few seconds later, another yellow arrow appears to lead her to the different area. Her avatar runs to the yellow circle near the grand fountain in the middle of the town square. And soon a loading screen appears on her screen for a brief moment as her character gets teleported toward the hunting grounds, a forest more specifically. 

A health bar appears and a small tutorial plays to show her the mechanics of the game. She clicks to take out her sword and runs along the path of the forest. The game was surprisingly good quality, she was so engrossed in the beauty of the forest that she was caught off guard on the ambush. A gray wolf suddenly appears running towards her and the game pauses. Text boxes and pointers pop up to teach Y/N some attacks she can use against her first opponent. 

After a moment of reading, she follows the instructions and moves around to find a good angle, then charging at the wolf. It attempts to claw at her but she clicks the ‘block’ button as instructed and avoids taking damage. Then clicking ‘strike’ as the tutorial orders and continuing her attacks. 

Soon the wolf's health bar reaches zero and its injured body disappears with a poof! 

Y/N smiles and continues following the tutorial as follows, slowly learning and understanding how to attack these beasts. Eventually she strikes the last wolf in the area and confetti appears on her screen. She completed her first mission and she even leveled up! 

“Hm, this game isn't so bad! Maybe I should do a few more quests to level up” she says as she teleports herself back to the lobby and walks back to the quests section. Her eyes land on a castle button on the right side of her screen that's locked. Her cursor hovers over it and it states ‘Guild’. She's never heard of that term, but it unlocks at level 15 so she’ll see eventually. 

(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭ time skip a few hours⋆｡𖦹 °✩

“This game is addicting” she mumbles to herself as she stares at her new level above her avatar's head. 

Level 15!

She should be heading to bed right now… yeah she should call it a night. 

Just as she's about to click log out, she sees the server chat icon wiggle at each new message. Usually it does once in a while when some players request to trade but not this frequently. It's moving like crazy like it wants her to open it. The universe won so out of curiosity, she clicks to open it and sees some players spamming the chat.

Author's note : I added the cuss words in between brackets so you all understand what Bakugo is originally typing. It's simply to help you know what the censored words are.  Ex : [curse words]  Anyways back to the story  ໒꒰ྀི ´๑  ̫๑`  ꒱ྀིა 

-Public Chat- 

Bakugo : someone join my guild.

Bakugo : cmon you extras I need one player.

Bakugo : oi you ##### [fucks]

Kirishima : bakugoooo don't be so rude and curse or you'll get banned again!

Bakugo : tch shush it, we just need one more extra to join so we can do the guild wars.

Kirishima : cmon man no one's gonna join if you ask like that! 

Bakugo : i shouldn't need 6 players max in my guild to do the war anyways

Bakugo : this is #### [shit]

Kirishima : hey bakubro come back! Don't be so mean!

-End of Public Chat- 

Y/N watches as the character with blonde hair and red eyes goes around to every high level person trying to force them to join his guild. He seems to be max level 100 and has the knight kit equipped, already giving her the impression that he is someone who prefers combat over healing or protecting. His chibi character runs around typing censored profanities to everyone who ignores or denies his request, it was a funny contrast.

A friend of his, a character with both red hair and eyes, follows him around apologizing to everyone for his friend's rudeness. He seems to be the nicer one of the two and clearly trying to calm the situation down. She could tell he equipped the animal shifter kit due to the red scales on his avatar, and like his friend he is a high level but of 95. Her curious mind wonders what animal he could turn into. Animal shifters are a rare kit and can transform into one animal with a lucky roll of the dice for it to be randomized. 

She doesn't have much more time to think as the blonde avatar starts moving over in the direction she is, near the quest station. His red haired friend trailing behind him like a puppy. Quickly she hides in the crowd of other players at the quests station, not wanting to be the blonde's next target. 

-Public Chat- 

Bakugo : one of you extras better join my guild

Kirishima : pretty please? We just need one member! 

Bakugo : all of these ####### [fuckers] are low level

Kirishima : Bakugo!

Kirishima : They are all new! Be nice! 

Bakugo : tch none can even join a clan anyways 

Bakugo : they are too low level

Kirishima : lets try a different server then?

Bakugo : tch we've been at this for a hour 

Bakugo : Oi someones high enough there

Bakugo : hey level 15 

Bakugo : join my guild. 

Kirishima : which one? 

Bakugo : that girl with the cape

Bakugo : hey you.

-End of Chat- 

Y/N reads the chat and whines under her breath, “I'm the highest level out of this small group of newbies… just my luck”. She tries to ignore them and moves her character to the side and walks to the fountain. Only to be followed by the chibi characters of the blonde and the red hair. 

“Damn they won't leave me alone…. But I don't even know what a guild is. I only just unlocked that feature” she mutters with a sigh as she runs around the map. The two characters follow her wherever she runs to. She could just leave but she IS curious about this whole guilds thing. So after much pestering by these two, specifically the blonde, she reluctantly types in chat. 

StarHae : no thank you..

Bakugo : so you do speak 

Bakugo : join my guild noob. 

Kirishima : Bakugo cmon! 

Kirishima : hi can i call u star :3

Y/N couldn't help but giggle at the dynamic between the two, finding it humorous that they're so different. They seem to be in the same guild, a symbol of an explosion above both of their heads confirms her thought. She reads the message from the red haired person and smiles, typing a response. 

StarHae : sure! hello kirishima :3

Kirishima : Just call me kiri! 

Bakugo : so you gonna join my guild or what 

StarHae : what is a guild? 

Bakugo : ugh just join and find out.

Kirishima : a guild is a team basically! 

Kirishima : we go on missions together and earn more prizes 

Kirishima : its better than playing solo and you level up faster!

Bakugo : just join my guild.

StarHae : um…

Kirishima : bakugo is the guild master and i'm his vice captain! 

Kirishima : please join us!

Kirishima : we need one more player so we can do the clan war 

StarHae : um…. whats a clan war? 

Bakugo : you have got to be kidding me.

Kirishima : ah basically all the guilds compete in challenges 

Kirishima : its sometimes quests but we fight with other guilds in matches sometimes

Kirishima : whoever wins gets 10k gold and rare items!!! 

Bakugo : tch this is taking forever 

Kirishima : bakugooo cmon have patience

Kirishima : if we get first then the guild gets popular and more people will join! 

Bakugo : tch we WILL win stupid. 

Kirishima : so will you join us star? 

Kirishima : you'll level up super quick with us! 

As Kirishima explains this all to her, Y/N thinks about this offer. It's not bad at all, and there seems to be advantages to being in a clan. Her level is so low compared to theirs, is it okay for her to just join them so easily? 

StarHae : are you sure you guys want me? 

StarHae : my level is only 15…

Bakugo : tch we know idiot just join or else

Kirishima : our clan has only 5 members 

Kirishima : and you need 6 minimum to participate! 

Kirishima : your level doesn't matter 

Kirishima : dont worry we will protect you!

Bakugo : speak for yourself shitty hair 

Bakugo : just click accept.

Kirishima : pretty please? 

Kirishima : we need a sixth member by today or registration closes!

Kirishima : star dont worry

Kirishima : we can teach you as we play :3 

Bakugo : -_-

After that explanation, a small tab opens on her screen, an invitation to join the guild ‘The Bakusquad’. Y/N looks as Kirishima runs around her avatar in circles trying to convince her, while Bakugo is busy spamming her mailbox with many invitations. She sighs in defeat, this was supposed to be just a calm game for her to play once a while but….. Click! 

Accepted Invitation : The Bakusquad

Y/N watches as the explosion guild emblem appears on her head, the three of them now having matching symbols. Kirishima's chibi avatar now jumping up and down in front of her, clearly happy. The guild button suddenly starts blinking in gold obviously wanting her to click on it. She does and sees she now has the option to teleport into the guilds HQ and have access to the guild chat room and quests. 

Bakugo : tch finally

Bakugo : ill sign us up for the guild war now

Kirishima : thank you star!

Kirishima : you totally saved us!!!!

Adam : can you guys leave now?!

Adam : your spamming the chat!!!! 

Elis : Yeah shush it!!!

Bakugo : HAHH 

Bakugo : FIGHT ME YOU EXTRAS

Kirishima : ah sorry guys ;( 

Y/N couldn't help but burst out laughing at the random messages and the way Kirishima's avatar was bowing in apologies to the random players. While Bakugo was spouting more profanities to the people who were typing in chat. At least this was entertaining, yet what has she gotten herself into….

✦ ⎯⎯ㅤִㅤ୭ ୨♡୧ ৎㅤִ  ⎯⎯ ✦

It's been around 2 weeks since Y/N has joined the guild and to her surprise she is having a blast. Unlike solo quests she can level up much quicker now, to prove it she’s currently level 40! Now she has the option to equip a kit which is very useful for the upcoming event, it unlocks new attacks and weapons available to use. 

“Hm… I think I want to be a mage. I'm not very good at close combat and no one in our guild is one yet. So I'll choose this! Plus I can help give my guild mates some boosts and protection spells!” she says happily with a smile as she makes her selection. She clicks on the mage option and squeals with excitement as she receives her new gear. An enchanted cloak with an adorable dress and boots. She even got a wizard hat and a wooden staff for her spells! 

Y/N didn't waste her money on outfits before, wanting to save it for the future. So this new look was certainly needed! Especially for this week.

It's gonna be the first time since the guild wars started that they'll be fighting another clan. Up til now they've just been completing clan quests like raiding dungeons. Soon it's gonna be her first fight against other players so she's more nervous than she expected. She doesn't want to let her new team down. 

Since she joined she has met all the other members of the guild. Kaminari, Sero and Mina! All of them are nice and often talk in the guild chat whenever they're online. Apparently they go to the same school and forced Bakugo to play with them. Hence why Bakugo is never online whenever clan stuff happens, only joining if 6 players are needed for a specific task. Then leaving right after whenever it finishes. He never turned on his mic either. He's a  complete mystery to her. 

The game offered voice chat for clan members so Y/N and the others often talk on there instead. At first she was hesitant, inserting herself into a new group that already knows each other. Yet she found herself enjoying her time in the presence of these people. She never thought this game would lead to new friends yet here they are. 

Soon the day of the first guild vs guild match came. 

Y/N starts up her computer and logs into the game, feeling a bit uneasy about the outcome of this match. If they lose then they won't be able to qualify for the next round. Thankfully she practiced with the rest of the guild beforehand to strengthen their teamwork skills. However not once has Bakugo joined them on their practice matches. She can only hope this won't cause a problem later on. 

She sees the other members already at HQ and chatting happily through the proximity voice chat they have activated. No nervousness at all detected in their tone. 

 “Ah Star you're here!” Kirishima says as his avatar runs over to her excitedly.

“Heyoooo, we're just waiting for Blasty to join in” Kaminari adds on with his usual hyper tone as he chases Sero around the table who shouts out a quick “Hey Star!” 

“There's my fellow gal! Was worried you wouldn't show up, girl! Thank you for not leaving me with these dummies” Mina says happily as she walks over to the group. 

“Sorry sorry but i'm here now” Y/N says softly with a smile to everyone as her eyes scan the guild room. And a few seconds later, Bakugos avatar teleports inside the room with fresh new battle gear. It looks both enchanted and incredibly rare. 

“Wow man! So this is what you've been doing while you were alone huh?” Sero says as everyone starts crowding around Bakugo to admire his armor. Bakugo says nothing back in voice chat as usual and simply types.

Bakugo : get away from me you damn extras

Bakugo : be ready

Bakugo : we start in 1 minute

Bakugo : don't die.

Everyone scrambles to equip their best armor and gear, it's complete chaos as everyone asks for extra supplies and potions. Y/N already was prepared beforehand so she calmly stands to the side and waits. She watches as Bakugos avatar approaches her and stands there almost observingly. Ah he hasn't joined in a while so he must've just now seen the new kit she equipped for the first time. 

Bakugo : You're a mage? 

Y/N reads the chat box and nervously types back, now seemingly too shy to speak through her mic. She hasn't spoken much to Bakugo in general but she wants to earn his approval. He's the guild master after all. But she can't help but to feel a bit intimidated by him.

StarHae : Yes I can offer support and do long distance attacks :3 

She watches as his avatar stares at her for a while, silently analyzing her new look and skills she presumes. It takes a while, so long that she wonders if he's gone AFK right in front of her after the message. Until she sees a short chat bubble appear in the corner. 

Bakugo : Good. 

A bright smile forms on her face at his message. Sure, it was short and blunt. But from Bakugo? She'll take this as a massive compliment. She watches as he quickly leaves her side to start the battle. From his message alone, she feels motivated to do her best. Hopefully they will. 

It was now time for the guild battle to start. Once Bakugo made sure everyone was prepared, all 6 of them got teleported in front of their castle HQ. The building seemingly teleported onto the battlefield in the middle of a forest. 

“Let's do this!” “Yeah, let's go!” “Just follow bakubro!” “On it!’ 

The group of 6 slowly walk through the woods, cautious of any potential traps or ambushes from the other guild. It's 3 rounds in total without a chance to respawn til a new round starts. 1 life each round. The other guild must be doing the same thing, sneaking around the forest trying to find us. 

“A forest huh” a deeper voice echoed through her headphones, so rough yet smooth that it made her jump a little. Huh? 

“Finally using voice chat huh Bakubro?” Kirishima responds eagerly as he chuckles at the end. You can basically hear the smile on his face from just his voice. 

“Tch shut it shitty hair. Can't type while we're fucking fighting against another guild” Bakugo responds with a small scoff. The others snicker through the mic making Bakugo grunt in response.

“Oi Star, get over here to the front” he says in a somewhat commanding tone. 

His voice…. It's the first time she's ever heard it. She didn't expect that at all. Its deep but nice to hear-

“Oi! Mage! You have ears don't you?” he huffs out seeming to already be annoyed. Ah so he DOES talk in the same way he types. Guess that answers the question she's had for weeks. 

“O-Oh! Yes yes! Sorry i'm going” she says quickly as her head shakes to stop her daydreaming. Her cheeks feel warm to the touch from embarrassment and she's forever thankful this game doesn't have a webcam feature. Or she might really die from shame. 

Her small character quickly runs to get behind Bakugo who's currently leading the group. His avatar looks back at her for a moment then forward again. Clearing leaves and making a path for the group. 

“So that's how you sound like huh” he mumbles almost incoherently through the mic. It makes her heart skip a beat oddly. God what's wrong with her. Getting flustered over a voice when she doesn't even know what he looks like. And what does he mean by that? 

“Oh yeah! You're rarely online so you've never properly had a conversation with Star huh?” Kaminari says as he skips along following the group. 

Bakugo simply grunts in acknowledgement, “Hey Mage. I don't know what training you've done with these extras but just stay out of my way okay? And get ready to use buff enhancement spells on me” he orders out to her.  

Sero sighs at his friend's snappy remark, “Don't mind him Star, he's always like that. Just do your best, we got your back”.  

“Mhm… I know… I'll try-” she says but quickly gets cut off when shots are fired towards the group from the other side of the forest. 

The rounds have begun. 

It didn't take a genius to predict the Bakusquad would easily take the first round. When Y/N watched Bakugo run into the open battlefield attacking with no mercy, she knew he was a force to be reckoned with. She was in a trance as he sent out orders to the rest of them, giving them better positioning to win this. He was amazing, too good. 

So much as when the second round approached, the other guild changed tactics and decided to focus solely on Bakugo. Sending all their attacks at him at once, to which Bakugo must've predicted as he yelled out to Y/N, “Defence spell!” 

“On it!” she says as the spell charges up and envelopes Bakugos character in a green force shield. Healing some minor damage taken as well, a nice bonus she learned a few days ago while training. 

With that everyone except Y/N runs out to take the enemies down at closer ranger. A full fledged group attack and an array of magic blending in the air, metal clashing against each other as well. She tries her best to heal her guildmates while hiding behind the rock, occasionally sending out spells to slow the other guilds movements down. 

Unfortunately she wasn't quick enough to cast a protective spell on Kirishima and Kaminari. Both of them disappearing with a poof as they were cut down by the enemies. Though they didn't die in vain as they took 2 down with them. Mina and Sero successfully took out their foes, winning their individual battles. 

2 PLAYERS REMAINING

Quickly her eyes roamed across the battlefield, the other enemy was currently fighting against Bakugo in a heated clash of swords. Sero and Mina were both low on HP but nonetheless started running towards him to help him out. The Bakusquad had the advantage of 2 extra players, this could be a clean sweep. However her confidence was short-lived as Y/N spotted someone in the air hovering above them. A wizard casting a spell as a large fireball started to form in the sky. This was no low level wizard, bad news. 

“Guys look out!” she says as she emerges from her spot and starts running towards them. Y/N is low on energy and she has no more berries to replenish her magic. Thinking about her options she makes a beeline to Bakugo, “Sorry you two just trust me on this!!!” 

She quickly clicks on her limited spell options, there's enough energy to cast one final spell. This might be a risky move but it's the best one in her opinion. Sero and Mina are both extremely low on HP while Bakugo has more. She quickly approaches Bakugo who got  knocked back by the other player. 

“Bakugo!” Y/N calls out as she runs behind him and holds onto his avatar with one arm while the other rests on his back.

“Oi! What are you doing?! I told you to not get in my way!” Bakugo yells out as the enemy he was fighting starts charging at the two. Y/N ignores him as she quickly puts a protective bubble around Bakugo, the attacker falling back as his sword hits the barrier. She focuses hard and gives any last bit of her energy to him knowing what's coming next, he'll need it. 

“You got this Bakugo! I believe in you!”

Before he could respond, the wizard from earlier shoots the fireball down onto the ground, with a large blast. As predicted Sero and Mina were eliminated by that large blast due to their previous low health. Y/N knew she didn't have enough magic left to protect more than one person, so she decided to put her trust in Bakugo. He was their guildmaster after all, and she knows that the others would have agreed with this decision instead. Her avatar in one swoop, dissolves into thin air from that explosion. 

The green shield she casted on him earlier dissolves immediately but leaves Bakugo unharmed from the attack. Without a second thought he rushed his previous opponent and cut him down. Easily making this a 1v1 with the wizard floating in the sky. 

He curses under his breath as he looks up at the wizard and then back at the spot where Y/N sacrificed herself. He ponders for a moment just frozen on the battlefield as the other guy starts zooming down on his broom.

“Now I'm pissed off” he mumbles to himself as he glares up at the last remaining enemy. 

It was an intense battle but he knew he needed to win. Bakugo doesn't take anything else but a perfect victory, and he refuses having to go to round 3. With this new motivation, he sends attack after attack towards the foe. Taking advantage of the energy Y/N gave to him before she was eliminated. Somehow, he managed to break the wizards broom with his moves, leaving the enemy completely defenseless. After losing his main way to escape, it was a solid victory for the blonde. 

Was anyone really shocked? 

After the victory was granted, the guild was teleported back into HQ. Everyone celebrated and cheered through their mics. But it seems like another person had a different thing in mind. Almost immediately, Bakugo walked straight to her once they respawned at base, not saying a single word to anyone else. 

“Don't pull that self sacrificing crap ever again ya got that?” he spats out as he approaches and stands in front of her. Kirishima quickly tries to deescalate the situation, “Hey man relax! Because of her we won-” 

“We would have won either way shitty hair so shut it” he huffs out pushing Kirishima's avatar out of the way. His avatar grabs her hand and pulls her to the side, away from everyone else. The others watch nervously and attempt to approach but Bakugos avatar turns back around causing them to stay. It was funny to see his chibi character look so scary, he might be the only person in the world that can do that. He looks back at her and sighs seemingly calmer than before. 

“Oi if you pull a stunt like that again i'll kill you myself. I don't enjoy watching my teammates die because of me ya hear me? I dont give a damn if it's just a game” he huffs out as he drops her arm. 

“Got it… sorry” she says shyly through the mic as she tries processing his words. A moment of silence passes between them until he speaks.

“....what's your name anyways?” he says with a softer tone almost as if he's aware of her nervousness. 

“Huh? It’s Star-” 

“Tch. No you idiot. I mean your real name.” 

“Oh…..” she can already feel her face grow hotter the more he speaks to her. Seriously, what's up with this? I guess she should tell him, she hasn't told the others yet either. She doesn't understand why she feels a bit self conscious now but she knows it's because of him, “...Y/N. It's Y/N.” 

“Y/N” he repeats back to her. Her name sounds oddly better whenever he says it. She likes it. She wants him to say it again. 

“Log onto the game at the same time tomorrow” he says as he takes off his expensive armor. 

“Huh? Why? Is there some sort of mission? 

“Because I said so. And don't tell the other extras. So you're gonna join or what?”

“Wait, why can't I tell anyone?” she says confused as she tilts her head. 

“Cause me and you are gonna train alone! You need to practice, don't need you to pull another stunt like you did today. So we're training tomorrow before the next battle” he groans at her slowness. 

“Just… me and you?” Y/N responds a little happier than normal, the idea makes her feel… special to just receive training from him. 

“Hah? Yeah didn't you just hear me! Now don't go blabbering to the other extras, it's a secret.” 

“Okay! I promise I'll join!” she quickly says with a smile. 

“Good. Now i'm logging off, wasted too much time today” he huffs and clicks some buttons about to disconnect. 

“Ah bye-” but before she could finish her sentence his character disappeared. 

Bakugo has disconnected. 

“That jerk! He totally left without saying bye!” Mina says as Y/N walks back over to the group. 

“Hey Star! What were you and Blasty talking about? We couldn't hear from all the way over here” Kaminari chimes in with a hint of curiosity. 

Y/N remembers her conversation with Bakugo and keeps her lips sealed, she was looking forward to tomorrow after all, “Um nothing! He was just telling me to not get in his way haha..” 

“Sheesh! Seriously, that guy is a hot head to the bone. Don't mind him Star, he was just embarrassed being saved by you of all people. Since you're new and all” Sero says while he snickers with Kirishima. 

“Well that should be it for today you guys! It's getting late, so we should log off. Good work today!” Kirishima says happily as they all say goodnight and eventually logging off. 

Y/N clicks the button on her computer, shutting it off as she stretches. She sighs and leans back in her chair. Smiling to herself about tonight. Maybe tomorrow she'll finally get to impress a certain blonde in the game.

(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭ time skip⋆｡𖦹 °✩

“That's 10 losses for you and none for me. You're worse at close combat then I thought” Bakugo huffs out as they have a break from training. Eating some berries to gain some of their energy back. Bakugo surprisingly has been using his mic lately which is something she's certainly not complaining about. They have been secretly training together for about a whole week now. Practicing together for hours each day. Yet she hasn't won to him once yet.

Way to go on impressing him y/n…. 

“I can't do it! I'm a mage, close attacks aren't my specialities” she says with a sigh at her failed attempts from earlier. 

“I've seen plenty of mages be good at close attacks. You just gotta try harder idiot” he says as he stands back up ready for another round of training. 

“I don’t know…” Y/N says not wanting to get up and add another inevitable loss to her name. She was embarrassed at him seeing her struggle so much, she just wants to crawl in a hole and never come out. 

“Y/N” he says through the mic in a rough yet soft tone. 

 ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

Her heart quickens at the sound once again. It's been like this ever since that day he first said her name.

“Y-Yeah Bakugo?” 

“Stand up and fight. No one in my guild is weak, ya got that? Tch cmon dumbass” Bakugo scoffs out as he walks over and picks her character up like a sack of potatoes. He leads them both towards the training grounds again, “If you lose then you try again. If you win you keep training. There's always room for improvement, so get that into your skull. No one is perfect.” 

“Even you Bakugo?” she says with a smile at his kind words hidden under his blunt way of speaking. Over time she's gotten used to him by now and knows he means no harm.

“Eh i'm almost there though” he huffs as he speaks in a serious yet cocky tone.

Something about the way he said that compared to his earlier words was amusing to her. He was cocky of course, yet he knew that even he had limits. She couldn't help but to burst out in laughter through her mic. Her stomach felt heavy from the laughs escaping her mouth

“Hahhhhhh?! What's so funny?! You picking a fight?!” 

“Sorry sorry! It's just that you're cute” she says in between giggles while putting a hand over her mouth to muffle her laughter. She didn't even realize what she said at the time, that her inner thoughts slipped out for a split moment. 

Silence was on his end of the mic while she was busy laughing. She calms down eventually when his character completely froze mid walk.

“Hm? Bakugo?”

“What did you…. Erm, actually I'm logging off for today!”

“Huh?! Why?” 

“Because I'm tired, you idiot! Now log off and get some rest!” 

A split of a second later his avatar disappeared, her character falling on the ground, no longer being held up by him. She blinks a few times at her screen confused then logs off as a result. Guess Bakugo got tired of training I suppose. 

After that incident, she noticed that Bakugo hadn't logged into the game for a whole week. Y/N asked around yet the Bakusquad didn't know why either. Apparently he was just busy and didn't have the time to join. She felt a bit disappointed whenever she joined and he wasn't around. Her eyes always scanned the room in hopes of seeing him. 

Until one day she logged in and there he was alone, fixing and adjusting his gear. Quickly she waddles her avatar over, “Bakugo there you are!” she says with a bright smile clearly happy. She sees the way he pauses then turns to look at her, just staring at her for a moment before…

Bakugo : Yeah im here. 

Huh? Why is he not talking… 

“Why… are you not talking with your mic?” she decides to ask hesitantly, the smile slowly dropping from her face. 

Bakugo : Cause

Bakugo : Don't wanna. 

Y/N nervously fidgets with her fingers as she reads the chat. He always used his mic now whenever they were alone. Did she perhaps do something wrong? So he's back to how he used to be? She doesn't like that…. 

“U-Um…..” she speaks before she can think. Her eyes shut as she says her next words, forever thankful no one is around. 

“....I wanna hear your voice… please” 

Silence. 

After no response she says it again in case he didn't hear her. 

“I missed your voice” 

It's quiet for a moment and she's too scared to open her eyes and see in case he responded in chat. That came out weird didn't it? God she's embarrassed. Maybe she should just log out-

“You're an odd one ya know that?” 

His voice echoes through her ears causing her eyes to snap open. Her whole body felt incredibly hot to the touch. He actually turned on his mic for her? He sounds…. less hostile than normal too. Softer. 

“I'm not the nicest guy. Why would you want me to talk in the first place” he scoffs out loud but she can hear the hesitance in his words. Like he wants her to answer him. 

“Because… I like the sound of your voice and talking to you makes me happy!” she says a bit too eager to please him. She mentally facepalms at her cheesy words. 

“Y-You….” he stumbles over his words like he's caught off guard at her boldness. He huffs and continues, “C'mon your level is still too low! Have you not been training while I was gone?! We have to train more!” 

His avatar starts walking to the training grounds with purpose expecting her to follow. 

“Oh okay!” she says as the smile returns to her face, excited to spend more time with him. As they exit HQ and walk together towards the forest, he speaks once more almost as soft as a whisper. 

“....I like it too” 

“Hm? Like what?” 

“Your voice.” 

He speeds up his walking pace so he's far ahead of her, leaving her behind in a complete daze. Was he embarrassed? 

Her hands rise up from the keyboard and cover her warm face as she processes what just happened. But her smile only grew wider. If she only knew how red faced the blonde was behind his monitor. Maybe joining this guild wasn't so bad after all.

[cilil]

Something neat about... Idril

Idril Celebrindal is, simply put, an icon and inspiration to us ladies in particular.

She survived a particularly perilous and traumatic experience on the Helcaraxë, she's a smart and strong woman, she has some great insight into the minds of others and she knows both what she wants and to say no when she doesn't want something.

Needless to say, in this household we don't think women should be saying yes to men just to appease or "save" them and mend the hurt others have caused.

I love that it was Idril who prepared the secret way for people to escape Gondolin, but also that she alongside Tuor and their allies was leading survivors out of the city. You see, when we talk about strong women in media and construct their characters, there is a big focus on putting the spotlight on them and placing them in leadership positions - which is important, make no mistake. This is why it's so great to see Idril's initiative here.

However, it should not be forgotten that community and collaboration is also a huge part of makes women (and people of all genders really) strong, as we've proven time and time again and Idril also proves as part of her story. Putting emphasis on individual achievements and leadership exclusively does a disservice to female characters and comes with the pitfall of essentially making them act out toxic masculinity, which does not make for a compelling arc.

Idril is successful both in her endeavors in-universe and as a character because she finds a good balance and she deserves her happy ending.

 ˚ ੈ✧̣̇·˖ 　˚ .　　　✶ ˚　　✦　. 　 ˚　.　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔　.  ˚　

“Something Neat About” (SNA) is a mini series on my blog where I say something I like/find cool/interesting/neat about various Tolkien (right now mostly Silmarillion) characters. 

Please feel free to add your own thoughts/ideas/headcanons about the character in the comments/tags, link fanworks you or others made, show pictures of your pet you named after them, whatever you want to share; my only request is to keep it positive.

More of SNA for your perusal here. You’re also welcome to message me/send asks about characters you’d like to hear about :)

[alavestineneas]

Glass and mirrors

pairing: young!coriolanussnow x fem!reader summary: There is one thing the world needs to know about her: she didn't become a star overnight. She was born to be one. warnings: canon-typical violence, mentions of mental illness, narcissism, blonde men who need therapy, unhinged women, people in shitty relationships and toxic industries word count: 4.6k PART TWO IS HERE

author's note: Hello and welcome to our small community of people who have fallen victim to the charming (and evil) blonde man! This fic is heavily inspired by the edits of models that pop up on my ticktock feed every day. Shout out to them and the talented editors who bless my eyes with their creations. As for YN this time, prepare to be on quite a ride because she, surprise-surprise, is evil! In my head, there has to be at least one victor who feels no remorse at all; they can't all be morally good (and relatively sane) people. Also, the obsession with beauty in this fic is, in fact, intentional, so bear with me. Feel free to comment or insult the author in the comments, but only if you are creative with it. Enjoy and see you in part 2!

In all of her short childhood, she always loved mirrors. Her grandma used to joke about it with her old friends while they shared lunch at the factory: ''That empty-headed child wants to do nothing but stare at herself all day.'' The women would laugh, their raspy voices making the glid, already filled with toxic fumes to the brim, hotter. YN didn't mind; she would pretend not to hear them, clinging to the machinery in front of her instead. She would get out of here sooner or later, and she'd see whose laughter would be left echoing all through the narrow streets.

She wasn't born to rot in this place like these people were; YN was sure of that. Not with a face like hers, with manners she taught herself from the bright magic box in their cramped commune apartment, where a few times a year the government played the show. It was supposed to be a punishment, YN reminded herself each time, but it didn't look like one. She watched the children eat more food than she had seen in a month and then cry on the stage in front of millions. She wouldn't cry if she was there, that was for certain. People die every day here, but none of them get to dress up in the jewels provided by the wealthiest people she has ever seen.

It was funny how they had all the money in the world and still chose to dress so horribly. Mismatched fabrics and smudged colours on their faces, like the colours of the lake near her house—the factories polluted it with dyes, turning the water green, purple, and sometimes even pink. That's how she got her old grey dress to be such a pretty lavender colour. It didn't matter that everyone at school laughed at her, even Miss Kyla; she was horrendously ugly anyway, her hair resembling the colour of unwashed underwear. YN wore her dress with pride, mimicking the voice of the funny multicolour-haired man on the screen, chatting with long o's and a's.

That's how she ended up here, on the first floor of the newly renovated training centre, with a drink in her freshly manicured hand. She had two hours before her stylists would need her again—a time designated for sleep, which she apparently so greatly lacks. YN doesn't care; she went without sleep for much longer than two days. Instead, she does what she loves the most—turns on a shiny screen and watches the golden letters appear: the 15th Annual Hunger Games.

It starts with reaping, as always, but YN skips that part—she doesn't like seeing herself in those dirty rags, although, as papers would later state, ''nothing could make this girl ugly, even if a potato sack was put on her body.'' She likes interviews better. Luckily, the wait is not very long; soon enough, her favourite host pops up, his hair shimmering with sea green.

''And now, our dear viewers, I am more than pleased to announce our next tribute from District 1—please let her hear how excited we are to meet her!'' His voice booms through the theatre as the crowd erupts into applause.

YN moves gracefully, a beaming smile on her face matching that of a host. Her gloved hands wave at the supposed people in front of her as if they were guests at her birthday party. But most importantly, dress. The one she chose herself, arguing over it with her stylist for the last few hours, the one that fitted her perfectly. Capitol enough to appeal to the audience, district enough to highlight that she isn't one of them—she is something new, undiscovered, and worth keeping an eye on. It's almost not a dress at all—the sparkling, sheer fabric of beautiful white, with stars gathering at her chest and bottom to finish the ''almost naked'' look. And the crowd goes crazy for it. People shout, and the splashes of the cameras blinding her create a new melody that is so unfamiliar to YN's ears. Admiration. The thing she craved for so long.

''Alright, alright,'' Lucky Flickerman smiles, gesturing for the crowd to settle down. ''We don't want to scare her off now, do we?'' He turns to her, a microphone in hand. ''What's your name, sweetheart?''

''YN Y/L/N. And I am afraid you can't scare me off, no matter how hard you try. The thing is, I am here to stay,'' she jokes, cocking an eyebrow at the man beside her.

''Oh, how I love your confidence! Now tell me—we heard you are a volunteer—the first in the history of District 1! Are there any special ties to the girl who was supposed to stand here tonight, or what's going on?''

''Well, I was dying to see you in person, of course—no pun intended.''

Oh, there weren't any ties to the girl, or the boy, for that matter. No, YN simply wanted to go at her peak chance of winning—countless years of secret preparation in the factory; working a night shift after school and full days of weekends; hours of studying every plant and animal known to mankind—all to ensure that she wouldn't waste her chance like most kids here did.

''That's an honour coming from your lips; we are happy to see you in the Capitol, Miss Y/L/N. Since you came here by choice, what strategy are you planning on using in the arena? Maybe something tied to your district's craft?''

''If you promise to keep this between us, I'll confess—I will use my charms to make everyone fall in love with me and watch them fight by promising the winner a kiss—and then I will take it from there.'' YN turns to face the lights, staring directly into the camera for a few seconds. The crowd laughs once more, some going so far as to cheer and whistle in excitement. ''But in all honesty, I think I have a fair shot—I would win in a day if it meant the unlimited supply of those amazing cupcakes with sprinkles on top.''

''Well, in that case, you should definitely get a good rest this night—you are not the only one who got your eye on them! Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for the Cupcake Games tomorrow, and don't forget to sponsor this lovely girl right here if you want to see her win! And now, a short word from our sponsors.''

Cupcake jokes are still funny to her, even after two years, although she got sick of them a week after her victory and was just as sick of all the titles papers came up with to fit her into the candy girl box. It served her well, for which she is grateful; the sponsors did send her a shitton of things, although mostly useless.

Next is the introduction of everyone else; YN doesn't care to look at it for more than just a few seconds, speeding it up to maximum. It's boring to no end—how do Capitolees watch it every year with such excitement? She stops to look only when her face appears on the screen, covered in crimson blood.

She counted six canons when she finally stopped to take a breath in and look at her surroundings. That was about right, although YN didn't count how many times she pulled a knife out of somebody's still-warm body and lurched into another nearby. The sand soaked up the blood fast, she noticed, stepping over the pile of what used to be her competitors and walking towards the cone-shaped something. Nobody in sight—each one of the ''better'' kids is now dead without a chance to kill each other, to kill her, and ''others'' will die like flies under the hot sun of what looked like a desert. YN noticed that some even left behind the given jackets; she collected them before stepping into the Cornucopia, claiming them as her own. Not everyone grew up in hot factories, she thought to herself, so they have no chance of knowing how cold it gets at night.

YN doesn't like how the uniform looks on her; the T-shirt hangs around her frame too loosely. It's evident that she didn't eat enough back then, but it was tolerable. The dried blood looked worse; with her stoic face and eye colour, the streams looked too grotesque, almost unserious; it didn't fit the look she was going for. Her hands itch to wipe it before YN remembers that it's non-existent now—the girl on the screen is just a recording. She forwards a little more, looking for the commentary of the first night from the hosts—their excitement and praise never get old—but hears knocking at her door just as she is about to press play. YN glances at the clock—it's too early for the prep team, so it must be someone else—and turns off the TV just to be sure she heard it right.

When the knocking continues, she shouts a quick ''Come in,'' after checking her reflection on the now dark screen. ''Ah, Maggie!''

''How many times do I have to repeat that my name is Mags, not Maggie? Not Mags with fangs either, to be clear. Just Mags.''

''But everyone calls you that! And I want to be special,'' YN whines, laying back on the sofa.

It's Mags. YN likes Mags. Mags is the only girl besides her on the victors' list. Mags is the one who is always down to eat lunch together or to watch the new collection in the magazines. She is funny and down to earth, and, most importantly, Mags doesn't take bullshit from anyone.

''Even more special?'' Mags smiles, opening the fridge to look for something edible. There isn't much; they both know that YN would never eat something to ruin her figure. ''I saw your photoshoot on the street today. It's beautiful.''

''Thank you,'' YN smiles. She doesn't remember which one of her campaigns was supposed to air today, but it doesn't matter. ''Are you here for the promo again?''

The curly-haired woman nods, not looking up from the shelves. ''I hate it. I wish they would just leave me alone, so I can go home and forget about all of this.''

YN is always weirded out by such comments from Victor from 4 but never says anything. Not everyone was born to be in front of the camera; if that were the case, her talent wouldn't be so special anymore. ''It's our job, Maggie. They'll never leave us alone.''

''I know.'' Mags sighed, planting her body on the sofa beside her.

They are different, but YN thinks it's better that way. They are the same age, both 20, and that's about the only thing that ties them together. YN watches as her friend's chest rises and falls as she stares at the ceiling, her long, curly hair in some type of twist. YN would never style it like that, but Mags doesn't ask, so she stares at her in silence, trying her hardest not to compare them. She knows what type of conclusion will sparkle in her brain, but she doesn't want to admit it. Mags is her friend, her only good friend, so something inside YN fights hard to leave her alone. It's an unusual feeling, almost foreign, but YN wants to make an exception. She thinks Maggie deserves it.

''Are you okay?'' the woman asks her, finally snapping out of her trance. ''You are less talkative than usual.''

''Oh, yeah—just a little tired from work, that's it.''

Work. It's not the type of work people can really get tired from, and if anybody thinks otherwise, they never worked a day in District 1. Sometimes, YN can still feel the burning cloud of steam hitting her face when she closes her eyes. The work she does in Capitol is child's play—photoshoots, interviews, promotional campaigns, and runways. She is the only one with this kind of hectic schedule, the only one who is interesting enough for the general public to want to see her everywhere they go. Multiple shows a day wasn't uncommon; photoshoots until five a.m. were basically her usual routine; she did so many of them that she never remembered the brand name for more than an hour.

''Well, I hope I don't interrupt your me-time,'' Mags notes. ''Panem knows you need it. ''

''You worry too much about me. Better tell me about how life is in 4—anything new?''

There is probably nothing exciting, but it feels nice to listen to somebody talk with such love for their home as Mags does. It's also a great opportunity. YN catches every subtle expression and every movement of her friend with attentive eyes, making sure to parrot them later. She noticed from the recording today that her speech misses a certain effortlessness.

-

Curl and twist, curl and twist—YN has learned the pattern by now, sitting in front of the gigantic mirror, surrounded by a team of stylists. Hair, make-up, nails, and toes—five people work hand in hand for her to appear for two minutes on the long podium. The backstage is loud, and a lot is going on—last-minute changes, alterations, and quick touch-ups. YN doesn't bother to look around; she closes today like a face of the collection, and after she is done with this podium, the day is finally coming to an end.

''Oh, YN, darling, here you are!'' The bald man in his forties appears on the horizon of her peripheral vision, clasping his unnaturally white hands together. ''How are you doing, my little star? Anything you need?''

She is irritated to no end; her team booked seven shows for her today; she hadn't had anything to eat in the past six hours; and the loud music makes her head throb. But she doesn't voice any of that—nobody really wants to know how she is feeling.

Just like she guessed, the man doesn't wait for her response. ''There have been some changes in the order today, sweetheart. Jenovia will be closing today, and you will walk in her dress instead,'' the man says, turning to face her styling team. ''Change the hair to fit, and take off the blue in her make-up—it won't match. Good luck!''

''Do what he says,'' YN announces, her mouth twitching just a little. She is furious. To have that blonde bitch Jenovia walk in the best dress of the collection YN inspired? Over her dead body. Or, should she say, over Jenovia's? She will figure it out but do so later. Now there are only four girls before her, so she needs to be ready.

''Three, two, one! Go, go!'' the stage coordinator shouts, opening the curtain for her.

Right and left, hip and hand, followed by the strong clicking of her five-inch heels. The music is even louder here, with the beets vibrating through the runway and pouring into her bloodstream. She doesn't pay any attention to the glass floor underneath her. Surprisingly, her training before games helped her model more than one could guess. YN doesn't see anyone but the blinding lights lining the podium—not that she needs to see the hungry faces of the spectators. It doesn't matter what piece of fabric covers her body; they are looking at who wears it. Final pose at the centre—no smile is her go-to. Hold and turn is the golden rule.

''Here you are!'' One of the seamstresses grabs her hand, pulling her into a small, curtained space with countless clothes on racks. ''Calio wants you to hold a purse for the backstage photo and lose the belt. Where the fuck is the golden belt?'' she shouts, searching for one. ''Wait here; I'll go find it,'' she finally announces, running away before YN has the chance to suggest anything.

YN looks around, carefully moving the laying rags with her foot. She mentally goes over the outfits labelled with names, rating them one by one, until her eyes stop on the white dress. The closing dress, the one she was supposed to model. Underneath it are velvety black high boots.

The idea comes to her mind quickly: she steals a needle from the nearby table and carefully places it inside the shoes, making sure it looks like an accident.

''Finally,'' the woman returns with a belt in her hands, oblivious to YN's half-smile. ''Put it on and go; they are already waiting.''

''Of course, thanks.''

YN isn't sure how much time has passed before she hears a scream, standing up from her place in the corner with a blanket around her exposed shoulders. Surely enough, Jenovia is on the floor, crying crocodile tears—a needle inside her heel deep enough to make a few of the girls around her gag.

''What the fuck happened?'' It's Calio, the boss here; he was ordering her around before.

''I don't know,'' all the blonde girl can manage before bursting into tears one more time.

''Well, can you walk?'' he asks, kneeling to take a look.

''No,'' Jenovia whispers, her hand holding her bloodied foot.

The bald man sighed, more annoyed than concerned. ''We need a replacement. You,'' he points at YN. ''Take it off and change into the dress. Quick!''

YN does what she is told in no time; she doesn't want to wait until Jenovia suddenly gets better or the man finds a better-suited girl to close. After a few minutes, she is almost ready; she only needs the lipstick to finish it off.

''We don't have time!'' the man roars, dragging her to the exit. ''Here!'' He puffs out her hair and adjusts the layers of fake pearls covering her neck. ''Three, two, one! Go, fucking go!''

And go she does. A few steps on the runway, and she discovers that lipstick is still in her hands. YN puts it in the pocket of the enormously large black coat that hides the gorgeous white dress underneath. Step after step, her long black boots draw patterns on the glass. She will have no choice but to buy them; YN doesn't care if it's stupid. They helped her, so she will have them.

It's time for the final pose: YN takes out the lipstick from her pocket and applies it with two swift motions, blowing a kiss to the camera. It will definitely be a hit with the photographers. YN throws one last look before turning around and returning to the curtained exit. On her way back, when the lights lower to follow her back, she can see a little clearer. In the sea of vibrant hair colours and clothes, the platinum-blonde hair and a simple black suit stood out too much not to notice. There is only one person who could afford to look so simple—YN knows it. An opportunity of a lifetime.

She makes another stop in the middle of the podium, right in front of his seat. The coat slides off her shoulders effortlessly, and YN catches it just when the fabric is about to hit the floor. The crowd goes crazy, clapping and whistling at her tricks, but YN has no wish to entertain them any further. YN pauses for a moment, her eyes meeting icy-blue ones, before turning away and finishing the show. There is one thing the world needs to know about her: she didn't become a star overnight. She was born to be one.

-

Since the last show, she has done fifteen more—day after day, opening and closing. Her little trick got her where she wanted to be, with more money than one person could need in a lifetime and nowhere to spend it. Even now, standing in the long hallway of the training centre, she wears nothing she bought herself; all are gifted, sent, or handed by the adoring fans. Like a rag doll, with no say in how she looks or what she does, YN hears everyone say that it was ''a price of fame''. She doesn't think so; she was told what to do long before she tasted real butter on her toast.

The sliding door to her apartment moves almost without noise. While most victors complain that the lock system reminds them of prison, YN is grateful to have it. The thought of some crazy fanatic waiting for her in the dark isn't the most pleasant one. The designer bag finds its place on the floor, soon joined by the coat—room service will clean it up later. The heels slide off her feet quickly, leaving bloodied marks on her skin, but YN doesn't care enough to do something about them.

''Forgive me for joining you without an invitation.''

YN turns around, her hands grabbing the keys in her hands tighter. She mentally goes over her means of escape or fight—a mirror could easily be broken and used as a weapon; if necessary, she could also grab a nearby ottoman. The man in the chair doesn't look too impressed with her thought process. His lips curve into a smile, blue eyes staring at her with undivided attention. A suit, not very different from the one he wore at her show, was a deep brown colour.

''Mister President,'' YN breathes out, lowering her hand.

Coriolanus Snow. Light, almost white hair frames his face like a halo, with his suit hugging his waist just enough to highlight the broad shoulders. YN saw him on TV a couple of times, but seeing him in person was something entirely different. It's like the air shifts around him and changes with his presence.

''I believe we met before,'' he humours her, his eyes shining with mischief.

The light knocking on the door doesn't leave YN any time to answer. She presses a button near it, fixing her hair before opening it. YN tries to look as composed as possible without betraying her nerves—why was he here? ''Yes?''

''The dinner, Ma'am.'' the room service declares, pushing a cart in front of her.

YN nods, even though she didn't order one. ''Leave it here,'' she says, gesturing to the place nearby. When the door closes and she is alone with the man in her room again, her heart skips a beat.

''I took the liberty of ordering; I hope you don't mind.''

Even if she did, she knew better than to say anything. Instead, YN watched as the man stood up and took the dishes from the cart, placing them on the coffee table, before turning to her once more.

''Please, have a seat.''

She does what she is told, sitting down on her king-sized bed—the chair is already taken by him—and waits for the blonde man to start speaking. He doesn't right away, choosing to pour a glass of wine for her and himself.

YN watches the dark liquor pour into the glass, swirling with each drop. She isn't hungry—she rarely was—and the soup he ordered looks more like vomit than a dish, but she still takes the spoon and carefully places it into her mouth. Her lipstick stains the silverware with colour, leaving a small circle right at the end—that's when the man finally decides to speak.

''Dare I say I am a huge fan of your work ethic? Everyone who I've spoken to is very satisfied with your,'' he pauses, searching for the fitting word, ''dedication .''

''Thank you, Mister President,'' YN replies with a polite smile before returning to her soup. She watches him only from the corner of her eye. The way he cuts his steak with his ringed fingers and the way he places a small bite in his mouth before his lips close. There is a subtle roughness in his movements, a power play of some sort.

He catches her gaze and, for a moment, is silent. ''You probably wonder why I am here in the first place, outside of the amazing steak they cook here, of course. The thing is, Miss Y/L/N, that you are popular not only with the general public but with people higher in power as well. One may even say they fell in love with the way you present yourself.''

''I am pleased to know that, Mr. President, but I am only doing my job as a victor.''

''Then you will understand the weight of my dilemma. Those people who have served Panem all their lives faithfully usually don't ask for much recognition; they work because they want to build a better future for all of us. So, when they do ask for a small favour or two, I am more than happy to satisfy them. But recently, all they ask for is you .''

''I believe I don't quite understand. They want to meet me?''

''You can phrase it like that, yes. For a night or two, of course, with all expenses covered.''

It's heavy, the understanding of what Mister President really implies. The thought of someone's hand roaming her body brings her dinner up YN's throat. ''Why?'' Her voice is shakier than she would like, but she is more focused on composing the rising anger than noticing it.

''I am sorry, Miss Y/L/N, but I am afraid there is nothing I can do; I am greatly outnumbered. Unless,'' he starts but doesn't finish his sentence.

''Unless what?''

''Unless you are seen with me.''

His piercing blue eyes look at her, but there is nothing in them. Her chances are limited, and he knows it. There is something rogue in him beneath the veil of chivalry he offers. YN smiles at him. That's what this whole charade was about—he wants her. Coriolanus Snow, the most powerful man in the whole world, wants her.

''Of course, Mr. President. That's very generous of you.''

''Mister President is too official, don't you think, Miss Y/L/N? Perhaps we could find a more informal way of addressing each other?''

''Informal?'' YN asks, tilting her head to the side. If he wants her, he'll get her. ''What about Mister Snow?'' The buttons on her shirt are easy to manage—a few quick motions, and it slides off her shoulders onto the cream cover. ''Or, Sir Coriolanus?'' The pants are a little trickier, but YN learned that backstage, every second counts, so they soon also pool around her heels, the fabric hitting the floor with a slight thud.

The blonde man watches her intently, his eyes following every move of her hands. His legs are still spread wide on the lime-green chair as he slightly leans back. YN can't tell if he is enjoying her antics or not, but frankly, she doesn't care; she is enjoying it.  The way her shadow dances on the wall, the way the air shifts in the huge room, transforming it into a tiny stage. YN looks at him with mischief, with superiority, even. After all, she is the show here. Why not let Mr. Savior think it is for him?

''Come, Mister Snow,'' she says, throwing it in his face like a bone to the dog.

He doesn't have the haste to join her; on the contrary, he stands up painfully slowly. His tall figure almost seems to stretch as he raises, covering the floor lamp behind him fully. When he finally circles the table to stand above her, his presence is overwhelming. YN lets him stand between her legs, his unusually cold hand on her thigh.

''I prefer Coriolanus,'' he whispers in her ear, lowering himself enough to touch her ear with his velvety lips. He pulls away slightly, planting a kiss on her cheek instead. ''Have a most pleasant night, Miss Y/L/N.''

And then he walks away. YN watches as his figure disappears behind the sliding door before she lets out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Her gaze instinctively finds her reflection in the nearby mirror; there is no reason to shine if no one watches her.

[nostromo13]

The Aphmau fandom is currently in revival because of the upcoming announcement at VidCon and I really hope the toxic fans from the old Laurmau/Garmau/Aarmau days aren't gonna come back or have grown up. They're already full force on tiktok (which ig is the case for most fandoms), but if you're in the fandom on tumblr *please* remember the following:

-Don't like a post? Don't interact. Shipping wars are a thing of the past, and ships (even non canon ones!) can co-exist

-You won't always like the way the plot turns, and that's okay! That's what fanfiction is for and tumblr nowadays is generally a safe place to share your headcannons

That's it! That's all! I hope this helps. There's gonna be an influx of younger fans that possibly know very little about the past of the MCD/MyStreet community, and I know this community is so great and creative when it wants to be. The majority of us that were the target age originally are grown-ups now. I want to see how you've grown your writing skills! Your art skills! I wanna see what headcannons you had before and how they've grown now! I can't wait for the announcement. It's honestly a little unbelievable, so welcome back!

[Sorry for my mutuals who will get a bit of a shock with this post]

[demonic-shadowlucifer]

happy easter and trans visibility day to the trans and nonbinary christians who: -feel comfortable within both their faith *and* their identity. -found out they were trans *because* of christianity and/or God -have just recently converted to christianity -just came out to their community and was welcomed by said community -recently left a toxic church and are now comfortable expressing themselves because they left said toxic church also happy easter and trans day of visibility to the trans and nonbinary christians who: -cannot come out or transition due to their 'community' being unwelcoming -don't feel safe or welcome in the church because of transphobia -were forced back into the closet by their own 'community' -are questioning their gender identity or their faith -are considering leaving christianity entirely -are dealing with internalized transphobia -have transitioned but is considering detransitioning due to bullying/harassment from their own 'community' -are deconstructing their faith

it's easy to assume that being trans and christian is contradictory, but that's just not true. God loves you, Jesus loves you. You don't need to be "saved" from being trans or nonbinary, because God *made* you that way. God made us in His image, and he created your trans identity. <3