#BUCKLE THE FUCK UP

[crazy56u]

Spoilers, the tags might be relevant here...

Fellas, is it normal to casually admit you have mentally worked out how a certain issue of a certain comic could've ended differently had the writers involved wanted to kill off a certain character?

Is it normal to just shoot that off on a Tumblr post on a Sunday afternoon?

So yeah, I'm yet a-fucking-gain talking about IDW #53, and, full disclosure, I may have started fiddling with writing this out.

So, yeah, let's pretend, as a hypothetical, Evan Stanley decided to go fucking wild, and use the fight against Surge as an excuse to kill off Whisper, how the fuck would that work?

Well, the major change is the easiest: Sonic and Tails show up late.

With the benefit of hindsight, it is practically a literal fucking miracle that, even though Sonic and Tails' house got fucked up during the badnik riot going into Issue #50, the computer managed to avoid getting broke.

Now, granted, by the time Jewel contacted Tails, this had happened-

But, hey, Sonic and Tails still managed to speed over to Central City in time to stop Surge from finishing the job, right?

So, let's assume the computer also needed to get fixed, and they didn't get that call from Jewel when they did.

So, Surge just kills Whisper then and there, right? Post over?

No.

Like I said, I have had dark thoughts, and the way this plays out in my head, that would've been ideal:

After getting distracted by her Starline hallucination, Surge remembers "Oh, right, I was about to kill Whisper," and turns her attention back to her; she hadn't yet gotten up, same as in the comic.

In a panic, Cyan tries in vain to protect Whisper, gets absorbed for his trouble. So, literally, it's just the two of them left.

But before deciding to land the blow, Surge decides "You know what, it's not like you're gonna need it after today," and decides as one final stab to take her mask, and wear it.

You know? The thing that can translate Wisps?

So, what do you think would happen if Surge put that on?

If your answer was "sensory overload in the form of five voices screaming at the same time", then yes, that is what would happen...

So, yeah, naturally, hearing all that screaming freaks out Surge, she unknowingly fries Whisper's mask as a result, and after managing to calm down from that, she get really fucking mad, and decides "You know what, fuck being cute," and decides to... well...

Do what she almost did to Sonic three issues later:

She pins her down to the ground, and starts trying to electrocute her to death; it would probably be around here when Sonic and Tails finally show up.

Regardless of how the rest of the confrontation with Surge plays out, the most important thing would be "Holy fuck, Whisper needs to go to the hospital now," and Sonic speeds her over to the nearest one, and she is swiftly put into a hospital bed; she is most likely gonna need heart surgery, but her heart rate needs to settle down first before they can do anything.

So, that's where we currently are: Whisper is in a hospital bed, unconscious and clinging to life, while Surge is dealt with in the background. What happens next?

Enter the other player in this fucked up game.

It is my personal belief that Mimic 100% was nearby in Central City when Whisper and Surge were fighting, and was quietly waiting for Surge to be done so he could finish the job; it's only when Sonic and Tails showed up when they did that he abandoned those plans.

So, in this timeline, that's not what happens.

While Whisper is recovering in the hospital, a nurse quietly enters her room, with the pretense of checking on her.

In reality, this is Mimic, deciding to take advantage of Whisper's already weakened heart.

He fucks with her IV drip, slips out of her room, and by the time he's sneaking out of the hospital, the medical staff are scrambling to try and save their newest patient, who is in the middle of flatlining, but their efforts will ultimately be in vein.

Surge's attack would already caused bare minimum congestive heart failure. Mimic inducing a heart attack would be the nail in the coffin.

And so, to summarize: How would Issue #53 (and technically 54) need to be rewritten if it was decided to kill off Whisper?

Smash Tails' computer beforehand.

[themegachessatron]

A Review of my time in Skyrim's Prisons (featuring some followers): Dragonsreach Dungeon

This is the start of what I hope to be a full series of posts where I explore and evaluate the prison facilities in every major hold capital of Skyrim and share my experiences with them. Where else to start than the ever iconic Whiterun and it's maybe a bit less iconic Dragonsreach Dungeons?

The cell provided for the LDB in Whiterun is modest yet at the same time surprisingly expansive. Decorations include an animal pelt bed (which seems oddly lavish for a prisoner but then again I suppose Whiterun is a wealthy trade hub), a sheving unit to put all the possessions you don't have on you and a hatch which leads directly into a passage of tunnels beneath the dungeons. A hatch which just so happens to have an incredibly weak lock (so they can afford warm bedding but not decent locks? Seems fishy to me). Before I could venture to open these locks however I was faced with an issue.

I have no idea how he got in here. I suppose given his experience with prison facilities from Riften it's not entirely surprising Inigo would know his way around a prison cell. Perhaps he utilised special moon powers to get in? Maybe he silently picked open the front door when none of the guardsmen were looking? Or had he sent Mr. Dragonfly to open the cell door from the other side? I think it most likely that Khajiit simply has skills my feeble, smooth Redguard brain cannot comprehend.

With Inigo's help I picked the lock on the hatch and slipped silently into the tunnel network beneath my cell. While inside these tunnels I kept having the same thought: Why are these here? What purpose is there to have a tunnel system beneath every cell in the dungeon? Are prisoners expected to release their excreta down the hatches? I wouldn't think so given the lack of staining on the floors at the very least.

In fact, the whole system seems remarkably well maintained. With the exception of a single skeever carcass, there was very little clutter or cobwebs or anything of the sort. The rather tidy state of the tunnel passageways leads me to conclude that it must be cleaned at least somewhat regularly, but by who? The guards? What do they use the tunnels for? I can't think of any reason the guards benefit from having this tunnel system in place. All it serves to do is give prisoners an easy way out of their cells and access to the prisoner belongings chest (which mercifully is at least locked with an expert quality lock). The tunnels in fact culminate in a ladder which leads directly into the guards barracks (again, why?). I did, however, have one additional thing in these tunnels that requires discussion.

...I'm beginning to think they don't like me being arrested. Inigo breaking into a prison I can understand but what in the name of Diagna is Sofia doing here? How the hell did she slip past the guards? The most slapdash, crude woman I've ever seen successfully managed to slip into these tunnels without alerting any of the more than a dozen guards regularly occupying either the dungon floors or the guard barracks next door. I believe this says a lot about the quality of the guardsmanship of Whiterun's "finest". Olava the Feeble would be more alert than those incompetent oafs.

Climbing up the ladder into the Guard Barracks leaves us in a side room containing a few barrels that happens to be within sprinting distance of the door out into the open city. Not only is the close proximity to the exit incredibly stupid, it leaves the guards residing in the barracks no time to feasibly register the prisoner's presence, adopt a battle position, blockade the door out and draw their weaponry. Before they can swallow their sweet roll the prisoner has darted out and is loose on the streets once again, a feat which becomes all the easier when you realise most prisoners won't be weighed down with body armour or big weapons and can this maneuverer much faster than any of the guards in the area. This is of course assuming the prisoner is an idiot who did not pre-plan for their arrest. A smart prisoner can very easily deposit their powerful equipment inside one of the barrels in the back room prior to their arrest which (thanks to the absence of a lock on the barrels) leaves them free to take back their rightful belongings and before you know it Whiterun's finest are jumped by a crazed Redguard lunatic weilding a Honed Ancient Nord Greatsword of Soul Snares and swinging it wildly like they're in the middle of a warzone. This represents a drastic oversight in the design of the prison system in Whiterun that urgently needs adressing.

In conclusion, Dragonsreach Dungeon left quite a sour taste in my mouth. I had expected a quality stronghold to effectively hold and punish criminals but what I instead saw was bizzare investment directions, a whole underground tunnel system designed for no-one's benefit other than the prisoners, a poorly laid out guard barracks and a team of guardsmen and guardswomen so foolhearty, indolent and frankly inadequate that they were unable to detect the presence of a loudmouth, brash, drunken nord woman wearing heavy plated armour and making a whitty joke every twelve seconds. For one of the most vital holds in the country and a Centrepoint for all of Skyrim, this is beyond a letdown.

Final rating: 2 honed ancient nord greatswords of soul snares out of 10 honed ancient nord greatswords of soul snares.

Thank you for reading and (hopefully enjoying), this little review of mine. Please do consider joining me next time when I investigate the swamp water shithole that is Morthal and see if it fares any better.

[pinkbowsandprettyprose]

I hope Kisshu's audition turns from "u pass to be my toy" to "u pass to be my wife" LMAO

you’re so valid for this anon

because I, too, cannot wait to see the transition in the reboot’s later episodes from “heehee you’re fun to play with 😈” to “fuck I caught feelings now what” because the manga made that pivot splendidly

[grandgayblowjobtourney]

WELCOME TO THE GRAND TOURNEY

This started when I (OP, gay, trans, dumb) got real sick over the weekend, and asked tumblr at large which of these specifically selected video game men would give the best head, gay style. Benny from New Vegas is currently slamming the other contestants into the ground so I figured I'd conduct a PROPER, SCIENTIFIC STUDY as to WHICH OF THESE VIDEO GAME BOYS GIVES THE BEST FICTIONAL GAY HEAD, IN THEORY.

The goal is to determine who might give the BEST gay head; not who, alas, may be the prettiest, sluttiest, or who can get it the most;

About half the contest will be seeded with men I personally think can give super good blowies on a dime. I know YOU might not think Andreas Mahler from Pentiment can hum you like a harmonica but baby, I do, so buckle the fuck up

This is not a bracketed tournament, merely, a horrible way for me to ask important blowjob questions when i'm stoned. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT RESEARCH, as we discussed before.

anyway MAY THE BEST MAN GO DOWN (PUN INTENDED) IN HISTORY FOR BEING THE TOPS (PUN INTENDED ALSO)

[crawford-w7]

just you people wait until the gamecube power cable i ordered gets here youre not FUCKING ready you're about to witness the greatest mario golf player the world has ever known

[ramblingsofaqueerlunatic]

Guys, gays, fuckers of all kinds. And Twitter users I guess. New update. I have a boyfriend. Buckle up bitches it's about to get gayer.

[nyaskitten]

Oh okay, so Doc and Kevin want me dead huh!

[yocalio]

Crimson Sky. I'm still reeling. To know what was going to happen and still be so blown away by it all. I have nothing but praise for Anna and Cosmo and really everyone in this episode. They all brought it. But ANNA. Give her all the damn awards.

Mariko, my baby, she just did it all. She did that. She accomplished what she set out to do and she was finally free before, during and after she made the ultimate sacrifice for the cause. And she just didn't give a fuck the whole time. We got to see her secret heart. All that pain and anger culminate and pay off.

John finally understood after all the pleading with him to understand her motivations. When he offered to be her second after Lord Kiyama no showed. It was like the ultimate declaration of love. It is significant that he, not being Catholic, didn't want her to go to death fearing eternal damnation for taking her own life. He would rather do the one thing he'd least like to do in the world than have her think she was going to hell because he loves her.

[demigod-of-the-agni]

Former SOLDIER, actually

The Cloud Strife version of this drawing I did like. a day ago?

[lotus-pear]

what is childe doing in bungou gay dogs😟

[reduxulousoctopus]

I have decided that this is the in-universe reason why Wolverine doesn't smoke in X-Men TAS/97.

[see-arcane]

Utterson, last week: "My best friend is missing and his likely murderer was found dead in his lab with all the doors locked. Where could Jekyll have gone? It's all so mysterious! I can't imagine anything being stranger."

Lanyon's Ghost slamming down the hottest gossip from beyond the veil in his letter: "Bro you will not fuckin BELIEVE,"

[genericpuff]

Hey puff! So you said Hades is a "mess who hasn't spilled over" and there are definitely some warning signs even now - Artemis' dislike, the ominous grin in the last chapter does not bode well for Alex, him treating Minthe pretty badly and dismissively, being open about his attraction to Kore while acknowledging Minthe, eating Dio to shut him up and laughing about it (No Kronos flashbacks, Hades??) Of course he did a lot of this in LO too but that was framed as a good thing and you seem more self aware than that.

My question is are he and Kore still endgame with his bad traits? Or is Kore just hiding a much darker, more selfish side who would like all this?

Hades and Kore are both very, VERY complicated people with complicated backstories that involve both the good and the bad. They're both victims of circumstance as well as their own wrongdoings (even the ones that were well-intentioned, they're both walking the road to hell wink wink), they're both holding on to some pretty dark shit and we're going to be exploring plenty of both sides along the way. I'm obviously trying not to spoil anything, but I will say that Hades and Persephone are not going to have a cut-and-dry 'fairy tale romance' like what was attempted in LO, Rekindled is attempting to be a more faithful retelling of the original Hymn to Demeter after all (or at least its original themes and messaging). They're both incredibly damaged people with a lot of tightly-sealed baggage that DESPERATELY needs to be unpacked and we all know what happens to relationships built on those types of foundations ;0 So that's all ima say on that ~

As for the irony of Hades 'eating' Dionysus, hurt people hurt people. Though I wouldn't worry about Dionysus, he just projects his consciousness into berries, he's alive and well ;) As for Hades... let's just say you shouldn't eat berries possessed by the god of madness, guy is gonna have a harsh comedown LOL

[ahamkara-apologist]

Okay I kinda get being dissapointed at how they rushed the Sov sibling reconcilliation with just one conversation after drawing it out for months but y'all...this really isn't the end-all-be-all of Crow's character arc, nor is it necessarily out of line for him. His biggest weakness is that he's a bleeding heart who lets people walk all over him- remember how he decided not to get revenge on Spider despite Spider very literally keeping him as a slave? Or how he killed a psion because he was too empathetic to a hive guardian? As much as I love him, and as much as his love is a terrifying force when weilded correctly, he's soft and weak. He always has been. He was bound to forgive Mara eventually, esp. since they have a psychic twin bond going on.

I think y'all are also forgetting the fact that Mara has had quite a bit of character development over the past year or so and has very notably been more open about her emotions and better about keeping herself out of Crow's life- because she got bitchslapped by the reality of what she'd done to him in Season of the Lost and then got shaken to the core by her confrontation with the Witness in Witch Queen. She hasn't been 'defanged', she realized that the way she was acting qualified her to be a Disciple (aka the worst of the worst, the enemy she'd been hellbent on fighting this whole time) and that in tandem with Crow's rejection upset her deeply enough for her to change her behavior, which hasn't been as apparent until now. Idk how y'all can forgive how Uldren Sov slaughtered hundreds of Awoken citizens and wreaked havoc on the Reef but is changed as Crow without also acknowledging the fact that Mara herself changed as well. It's not as dramatic of a difference because it happened more gradually and without intervention from a Taken Ahamkara and the Traveller, but its still there and is the most apparent its ever been right now. It wouldn't surprise me if the reason why Crow is forgiving her now- apart from the fact that he's a softie and discounting potential Riven bullshit- is because she's proven she's changed by both keeping her distance and being more emotionally open with him, as well as open about how she knows she fucked up. That's the second thing Uldren wanted other than her approval, after all.

Also, it's been like, 2 years of Crow being pissed at Mara and avoiding her, so them starting to make up now is kinda necessary even if it feels a bit rushed. I personally would have loved to see more snark and nettling from Crow's end, bc I love conflict and sibling angst, but it really isn't out of character nor is it throwing away Crow's character arc. It would have if Mara hadn't changed, but she has. And while I myself love storylines where victims don't need to forgive their abusers and can exert their wrath upon them as they wish, the fact of the matter is that how such a situation needs to be dealt with varies immensely on a person-to-person basis, which the writing team has already proven they're capable of understanding. Just look at Calus's and Caiatl's relationship! That ended with no reconcilliation because Calus simply refused to change, while Mara has spent the past year trying to get Crow to feel comfortable with her as an equal in conversations and open up to him more and trying to break her habit of watching him like a hawk- aka, acting like an actual sister rather than the pseudo-mother figure she'd picked up from Osanna. Ofc Crow the softie is going to respond to that, esp. since he's got a psychic connection to her via Awoken Twin Magic and seems to have been walking Uldren's memories as of late. He just genuinely is really fucking bad at holding a grudge.

(And while its easy to go 'oh the writing is lazy and rushed', I also think its kinda sus that Riven specifically talks about the human wish to reconnect with family right after the Sov sibling talk happens. It wouldn't surprise me if she picked up on Mara's desire to reconnect with her brother and pushed Crow towards forgiving her. It seems like she's been trying to pull Uldren's memories to the forefront everytime she talks with him and that could be a big factor as to why he's been reflecting on them a lot recently)

[purgetrooperfox]

not to foxpost on the foxblog but I think we should all talk more about the cognitive dissonance that the GAR, and the Guard specifically, would have to deal with on an ongoing basis. they're brought up and had it drilled into them for a decade straight that the Republic is worth fighting and dying for, that it stands for justice and freedom and [insert patriotic buzzwords here]. they get deployed directly into a slaughter on Geonosis. they get assigned to Jedi who intentionally get them killed. they get assigned to the Guard and listen to Senators treat the war like an abstract, distant concept and the clones like equipment to be manufactured/replaced/disposed of. they're treated as subhuman by civilians. they're slaves in this system that was built up to be a shining star, a perfect example of democracy, the thing they're born to die for.

so what do you get. indoctrinated beliefs versus lived experience. sure, some of them turn (Slick) or desert (Cut), but most of them have to reconcile that conflict without walking away from the army altogether. Dogma is one end of the spectrum, going the route of "my indoctrinated beliefs must be true, so I'll selectively validate parts of my lived experience to align with them and seek out proof of them". Fives is, on Umbara at least, the opposite end, going the route of "my lived experience must be true, so I'll recontextualize my indoctrinated beliefs to match it". the Republic is still worth everything, but maybe we can't trust the Jedi, or the Kaminoans, or the Chancellor.

but the majority of them are going to fall closer to Dogma, otherwise the GAR would stop functioning or try to collectively rebel, right? it's easy to skirt around how deep brainwashing runs and how far people will go to resolve dissonance, but fmngmfng

so you take Fox in the context of Commander of the Guard, and you get "the Republic must still be worth it, so these rules and regs are in place for a reason, and even if they're not then they do work to protect us, and the Senate is doing its best with a bad situation, and the Chancellor wouldn't commit xyz atrocity because he is the Republic" and on and on and on to try to reconcile it all in his poor fucked up brain. how would he carry on with the slog of his job? how could he possibly have the space to wrestle with the contradiction? then the longer you lean into one justification, the deeper it sinks in and reinforces itself

anyway this has been needless over-analysis hour