#Bigfoot in England

[horrorpatch]

Bigfoot In Great Britain?

We already know there are tales and sightings of a Bigfoot-like creature worldwide. There’s the Yeti in Tibet, Yowie in Australia, Orang Pendek in Indonesia, the wild man of Borneo, and so many others. But could a Bigfoot be inhabiting Great Britain? Hikers in England think they discovered footprints that could belong to the elusive cryptid. Read more below. From Coast to Coast AM Earlier this…

[bootleg-nessie]

Things that will happen in the future (based on my own experiences with time travel):

***FAQs at the end***

*All of these observations are copied directly from my notes in roughly the order I took them in

*Don’t ask about the interchanging use of past/present/future tense, you know how that stuff is with time travel

Women just started all growing three boobs instead of two. Scientists baffled

Genetically engineered catboys (no literally)

The great pyramid of Giza has been converted into a Bass Pro Shop

The entire state of Rhode Island was bought by some rich tech CEO who promptly dug a 500 foot wide trench around the entire state so that it could in fact be an island. It was soon converted into the world’s largest parking lot

Pollution has gotten so bad that fresh oxygen is now delivered straight to most homes via a subscription service

Basic necessities such as food, water, and housing are now provided for free by the government, but only for the top 1% of wealth holders

Insulin now costs twice as much as rent. “Get fucked,” say pharma companies

92.6% of new electronic appliances now have smartphone integration and require a monthly subscription to use

Most billionaires have real estate on earth’s moon

As an ongoing film experiment, Taika Waititi successfully convinced a Nebraska man that he’s been raptured and is now in heaven. He actually got Truman Show’d and now millions of viewers tune in every week to watch God (played by John DiMaggio) manipulate Robert into confronting his own views, battle cognitive dissonance, and face the realization that he might not have been as good of a person on Earth as he thought he was

Carrots have gone extinct, as have highland cows

Species of extinct animals and plants now are being posthumously renamed after the billionaires and elites most directly responsible for killing then off

Researchers discovered a sentient colony of fungus off the coast of Chile, it prefers to go by Fleebo and appears to have a incredibly complex intelligence far greater than any other observed organic being

Nobody knows where Ireland went. It literally just disappeared off the face of the earth one day and nobody bothered to question it. The story couldn’t compete in the news cycle with the recent news about a company in China that made the first real life pokemon. An entire civilization of people gone and I’m the only one who seems to remember it or even care

Fleebo and its offspring have annexed Madagascar and are threatening any retaliation with nuclear warfare and “making The Last of Us a reality.” Nobody knows if Fleebo actually has the capabilities to do this, but after the Lovecraft incident we’re all TOO goddam scared to fuck around and find out

Large snails have replaced cats and dogs as the most common household pet. Snail culture has largely taken over the world, especially Japan

The president of the United States is now decided with an oiled up twerking competition. Most people were hesitant at first but this has produced vastly more competent leaders so now everyone just kinda goes along with it

With the cost of living crisis only worsening with time, selling tattoo space on your body to advertisers has become common as people struggle to afford rent and pay their bills

North and South Korea have reunited into “Korea 2.0”

Germany has split up into East and West Germany again

Belgium and France have been annexed by West Germany and renamed “Wester Germany” and “Westest Germany” respectively

The entirety of Florida is now underwater. Most of Kansas is too for some reason that scientists refuse to explain because they’ve “sworn an oath to the eldritch gods” and that “much worse things would happen” if they did

The melting ice caps in Antarctica unveiled a lost civilization of intelligent creatures descended from a species of lungfish, predating human civilization by millions of years. They planned on hibernating for another 10-15 million years to observe the course of evolution on Earth and are very very angry at humans for waking them up prematurely and ruining all of that with global warming

The politically correct term for lungfish people is “Dipnoid” but most people refer to them by a variety of slurs, such as “finwalker” and “kelp muncher” (not that they even eat kelp)

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch has now increased to nearly half the size of what was formerly known as Canada and has been colonized entirely by pirates (the flag is actually pretty cool). The pirate nation has the 17th largest economy in the world and is projected to surpass the United States in GDP

Africa is about 2% smaller. Nobody knows why. Most people point to Fleebo, who denies having any involvement

All human-Dipnoid interaction was promptly banned by most world governments, except for the GPGPRP (Great Pacific Garbage Patch Republic of Pirates), whom the Dipnoids rely upon extensively for trade

Scientists have used DNA from fossils to recreate other species of humans. We now live alongside them like we did for thousands of years before everyone besides Homo sapiens went extinct. Racism is at an all time high

Class C and above robots are now legally recognized by most progressive countries as people

The United States government has been exposed for secretly funneling billions of dollars into the GPGPRP and using it to fund terrorist operations all over the world.

A new major religion revolving around Dave Grohl has skyrocketed in popularity. Grohilsm is now the world’s largest religion, second only to Fleeboism

Scientists discovered a new continent in the Pacific Ocean, and then promptly lost it again. Most people are convinced this was just an elaborate practical joke, but scientists “swear it definitely happened”

For a brief period of about 30 years, everything in George Orwell’s 1984 happened almost exactly as written in the book. Literally 1984

It was revealed that Jeff Epstein didn’t kill himself. He actually faked his death and spent the next few years in a drug-fueled episode of psychosis making sock puppets in a cave in Italy and then molesting said sock puppets until he died from a sock puppet related illness

Bigfoot was discovered off the coast of Georgia doing cocaine with a congregation of alligators. When questioned, he said he normally lives in Montana and was only there on vacation. He is now a celebrity, and has been featured in a number of tv shows and films, two of which he won an Oscar for. Last I checked, he was a washed up actor living in Hollywood with a reanimated Neanderthal woman

The GPGPRP raided most of England’s museums with the object of “doing exactly what they did for the last few centuries” England was understandably furious, but the rest of the world found it rather amusing

England declared war on the GPGPRP, which it promptly lost after hackers brought down the entire country’s military overnight. Much like in the 21st century, England is the world’s laughing stock

The entirety of Luxembourg relocated itself to the moon

Russia attempted to take over most of Eurasia. In retaliation to the full global effort to stop them, they launched nukes at the world’s 600 most populous cities outside of its current territory. Most of the warheads were stopped in time, but a few major metropolitan areas got hit pretty badly, including Los Angeles, Hong Kong, Chengdu, Mexico City, and Istanbul. Japan was understandably super pissed that Hiroshima and Nagasaki got nuked for a second time

In the wake of the nuclear holocaust, Canada assumed control over what was formerly Russia and assimilated many of its citizens and leaders into its own society and government. Under the new rule of formerly Russian leaders, Canada became a puppet state for the second coming of Russia. It annexed much of the United States, Mongolia, China, and a handful of other countries, becoming “the world’s first megacountry.” Crungolaska now controls a majority of the northern hemisphere

As part of a practical joke by Adam Sandler, Tom Hanks was actually marooned on a desert island like in Castaway. He lasted less than a week before he died. When I left this era of the future, Adam Sandler was serving a lifetime sentence in prison for murder

Fringe groups of crows with above-average intelligence have started popping up around the world. So far they have been observed forming small communities, crafting relatively complex tools, using rudimentary speech, performing rituals, and creating music

Aliens visited earth and had a formal meeting with many of our world leaders, but decided to leave us alone for a few thousand more years because humanity is “not yet mature enough to handle the responsibilities of interstellar travel.” They have incentivized us with a the blueprints for an Alcubierre Drive and a means to produce the exotic matter to fuel it once they deem us as being ready

The original colony of settlers on Mars has declared independence, officially becoming the first country not on Earth

We sent Tom Cruise back to space but this time we just left him there

The tether for the space elevator broke. The town known as Vatorville, famous for being the location of the takeoff point of the elevator shuttle on Earth, was completely decimated as tens of thousands of miles of steel cable came crashing back down. There were no survivors

Most people in first and second world countries have mandatory microchip implants that serve as a personal ID

Last Thursdayism has been largely denounced by quantum physicists. Current theories now revolve around “Next Thursdayism,” the belief that the entire universe was created in the future and that we all exist as a memory in the past

Synthetic organ farms for transplants and research have become a massive industry worth billions of dollars. However, there is still a huge black market for organically grown human organs, as they’re much cheaper to acquire and aren’t taxed at the exorbitant rates that lab-grown organs are

China dug a hole all the way to the center of the Earth. Turns out it’s hollow and there are people living inside. Who knew?

A university reconstructed the entire city of Rome as it was in its early days during the Roman Empire. It’s actually pretty historically accurate, except for the fact that there’s a lot less sex because it’s run by a bunch of sweaty history nerds

After Rome 2 resulted in the creation of a cult revolving around the Roman god of the dead that gained traction as a minor religion, Pluto was officially reinstated as a planet by NASA when cultists picketed their headquarters every day for nearly 3 years straight. “Fine, we’ll give these fucking virgins what they want so they’ll finally shut the hell up,” said NASA’s administrator in chief

In a display of the biotechnical prowess of Disney’s Imagineers, all the animatronics in Disney’s Hall of Presidents were replaced with clones of the originals, which went about exactly as well as you’d expect. After reports of the presidents hurling a series of racial slurs and other obscenities at the first black family to enter surfaced, the project was shut down almost immediately after it had opened. Minority admission to Magic Kingdom plummeted to 2.3% of its numbers from the previous year, making it the second whitest place on earth after a taylor swift concert

Plastic now makes up about 3% of every organism on earth by weight

Public officials are now required by law to take shrooms before running for office

Trees are considered a rare and highly sought after commodity, and are usually only owned by public institutions and the rich (the vast majority of oxygen farms use algae to produce oxygen)

FAQs:

FAQ: What time period(s) did you go to?

A: I have no fucking clue. The world stopped using the Gregorian calendar in 2063 after a gamma ray burst hit the sun. The GRB led to stellar ablation, which changed the length of a year on Earth. The sun would continue to lose mass at an accelerated rate for several more years, with the length of the year changing slightly from year to year. The world adopted a variety of different calendars which kept being updated frequently and were often super confusing and contradictory. I traveled to about a dozen different points in time, which based on my best estimates spanned within a few millennia of the current date.

FAQ: How did you obtain a time machine?

A: I think it was the 17th or 18th of June, 2055? That night, a large sci-fi looking box thingy roughly the size of a VW Bus appeared a few hundred yards away in the open field in front of my house. I tried to take a picture of the box, but for some reason the closer I got, the more the image on my camera started to become fuzzy, and by the time I got close enough to take a decent picture, the camera had stopped working altogether. I pulled open a door to reveal a corpse inside that was charred beyond recognition, who appeared to have suffocated and/or burned to death during a fire that damaged most of the interior. I also noticed a number of strange tumors and growths on the body. I pressed a random button on the remains of what I believed to be a control panel, expecting nothing to happen, but the door closed automatically and I suddenly lost consciousness. When I came to, I exited the box, expecting to still be in the field in front of my house, but instead found myself a ways outside of a small snowy village that based on my best estimates, was somewhere in northern Asia around 2-3 thousand years ago. The villagers started coming after me with spears, so I quickly ran back to the box and pressed another button, hoping it would return me to from whence I came. This time, the people I found (who were thankfully much nicer and spoke a dialect of English that I could mostly understand) told me that it was the year 506 of the PGRB-Δ4 calendar (the calendar that the United Territories was using at the time). I repeated this maybe a dozen more times trying to get home until I landed in 2023, which as far as I could tell, was the closest I had gotten back to my original time so far. It was at this point that I decided to stay and seek medical attention, as I was rather concerned about some nasty new growths on my arms and legs similar to that which I had seen on the corpse.

FAQ: Where is the time machine now?

A: No idea. It disappeared a few days after I landed in 2023. My best guess is that some poor sap found it and ended up sometime else.

(I never ask for likes/reblogs but I literally spent fucking WEEKS on this one so if you liked it pls show me some love <3)

[sp00kybimb0]

🖤🪦Fallow my insta if you like graveyards, spooky adventures, and spooky decor/style🪦🖤

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

[magnetic-dogz]

I need some ideas, what are American myths/legends that could serve as good inspo for Mythical and Legendary Pokemon?

[perryvonvicious]

New Vlog episode! This week, Rip Byson and I compete at Wrestling Open. Then we check out Hot Wheels Monster Trucks Live!

[assiraphales]

anyways (I say this as someone who is deeply critical of the united states government, military, unchecked capitalism, police, etc) I am SICK of people treating america as if it has no cultural value or positives so..... I love u 85 million acres (bigger than italy) of national parks. I love u harlem renaissance. I love u groundhogs day. I love u sweet tea and fried chicken and jambalaya. I love u apple cider donuts and maizes on crisp autumn days. I love u 95k miles of coastlines and new england fisherman and hand knitted sweaters. I love u halloween where millions of people dress up and give candy to strangers and carve jack o’lanterns. I love u small talk and small towns and potlucks and bringing over casseroles to your struggling neighbors. I love u cowboys and ranch hands and arizonian cactus. I love u appalachian trail and dirtbikes and divebars. I love u sparklers and fireflies. I love u mark twain and toni morrison and emily dickinson and henry david thoreau. I love u rock n roll i love u bluegrass and hippies i love u jimi hendrix and nirvana and CCR and janis joplin. I love u victorian houses and jonny appleseed and john henry and mothman and bigfoot. I love u foggy days in the pacific northwest and neon signs and roadside attractions. I love u baseball and 1950s diners and soft serve. I love u native american art and pop art and poptarts. I love u blue jeans and barbecues and jazz musicians 

[internationalnewspod]

The daily weird news roundup for Tues, Dec 20, 2022. Check out the International News Service wherever you get podcasts.

[onwednesdayswewrite]

flawless {vada cavell}

Pairing: Vada Cavell x Reader  

Warnings: smut (18+) smoking weed, vaginal fingering, oral sex, language, talk of the shooting,  joking about the queen of england (please don’t come for me lol rip)

Vada and reader are both 18+ in this

Word Count: 1.7k

hey y’all, I’ve had this one in the works for a while now, but it’s finally done! Next part of this hell with hopefully be done in the next couple of days!

~~~~~~~~

“And don’t even get me started on the Queen like I’m lowkey not even sad she died. No cap, the old bitch definitely had something to do with Diana’s death, that shit is suspicious as fuck” Vada’s rambling trailed off at the sensation of your fingers running up her leg. The prickle of her unshaven legs tickled your fingertips. Her baseball shorts rode up her thighs as she sat on your bed. You were supposed to be getting ready for Nick’s party, but Vada had somehow roped you into smoking before you went so she could chill more.

“Baby, what the fuck are you doing?” You practically jumped out of your skin at the sudden rise in your girlfriend’s voice. The smoke from your joint left the air between the two of you hazy. The mischievous look that filled your face was enough to tell Vada you were up to something.

“Oh I was just wondering when you stopped being my girlfriend and became Bigfoot” you fired back. A laugh fought its way past your lips as one of her eyebrows shot up. Vada snatched the joint from your free hand, narrowing her eyes at you as she took a hit.

“I’m wounded that you tried to use my dude Bigfoot to insult me” Vada was a little out of breath, and her voice scratched as she spoke. Her attempts to contain her cough from the long drag failed for a moment, but it didn’t stop her from taking another hit before handing it back to you.

“Like Bigfoot is THE MAN, he’s my icon, the legend” with each word her voice raised an octave to the point she was almost yelling, her hands waving about to emphasize her point. “I think I might love him” Her voice trailed off to a whisper as she finished, her eyebrows knit together in confusion.

You sat up in bed and leaned on your elbow to look at her. Her eyes were red now, and a dreamy haze seemed to cloud them. She leaned forward to take a drag from the joint still between your fingers, she didn’t pull away though. She seemed to linger for a moment, contemplating her next move. Her lips brushed against yours as she exhaled, milky smoke filled the space between the two of you, and began to enter your lungs. She didn’t move for a moment, allowing you to get the smoke, before she dramatically pushed up from her spot.

“I’ve always wanted to do that” Vada giggled, rolling ungracefully across the bed.

“You are an Idiot, Vada Cavell” you took another hit from the joint before setting it in the ashtray on your bedside table.

“Well, I think you’re beautiful” Vada’s voice shifted when you returned to the bed. All the chatty energy had faded and left something else in its wake.

“Nah, I think you're just high, V” you tried to shake her off, you knew there would be no way you would make it to Nick’s party later if you let her get her way.

“No, I’m being for real y/n, you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen” Vada took your hands, settling them on her hips. From all her moving around, Vada’s shirt had bunched at her waist. The exposed skin of her stomach was warm under your hands.  Her own hands started to caress your back under her soccer championship hoodie.  

“Flattery won’t get you anywhere, V '' but Vada knew she had won when she felt your hands tighten around her waist, pulling her closer. Her lips brushed over yours.  

“Oh I think it will” Her lips were soft and pillowy against yours when they finally met. Your hands left her hips to settle on her neck, tugging lightly on the hair there. Vada’s soft moan vibrated against your lips. You tugged again softly just to hear her moan against you again before you let go. Her dark hair cascaded over her shoulders as your fingers hooked around the tie holding it back.

The taste of weed still lingered on her lips when she finally pulled back to catch her breath. Her hair fell over her shoulders and tickled the side of your neck. Sunlight trickled in through a crack in your curtain. Sometimes when the light hit the brown in her eyes, it turned them almost golden. Like pools of honey. Now, with Vada’s knees on either side of your hips and hands roaming your body as you felt the sun hit your skin, you didn’t want to go to Nick’s party anymore.

You kissed for a while, Vada’s lips never leaving yours for more than a second to catch your breath. You could feel her getting impatient. The way she kept shifting, trying to get you to move your hands a little higher. The way her hands pushed your shirt up until it gathered at your chest. Her fingers played dangerously with the band of your sports bra, just begging you to take it off. And Vada did win as usual, your shirt hitting the floor with a soft thud.

Reality came crashing back to you like a freight train when Vada’s fingertips brushed over the healed gunshot wound on your thigh. A painful reminder of the first day you met Vada all those years ago. Though neither of you talked about it often, the incident left more than just physical scars on both of you. None of you deserve it, but that’s just how the world is now, cruel and unfair. But at least you had someone to weather the storm with.

You could practically hear Vada’s breathy laugh bring you back to the present ‘I can’t believe you just called it the incident’. You remembered the night Vada had told you all about her therapy sessions, including all of the hassle she had put that poor woman through. In this moment, you were thankful the weed allowed your mind to shift easily from the pain. A droopy smile fell on your face at the thought of Vada.

“What’s got you all smiley now” her breath tickled under your nose as her fingers carded through your hair.

“Just thinking about you” you whispered, seeking the side of her neck. Your lips left lazy kisses around her ear. Your body craved her, to feel her touch again.

“Now who’s pulling the flattery card” Vada snorted, her freckle-spotted nose wrinkling against the side of your face.

You too began to grow impatient, and It didn’t take long before Vada’s back hit your mattress. Your heartbeat thudded in your chest as you fumbled to get her stupid basketball shorts and boxers down. Her squirming settled when your hand found her wet heat, her eyes fluttering shut.

“God, you're so wet” you murmured against her lips, but you knew you wouldn't get a response. You never did, not when she was like this. All of her chatty energy and confidence disappeared when she was under you. A whine left her lips when you moved your hand away. But she was settled quickly when her sports bra joined your shirt on the floor

“Fuck” Vada moaned out breathlessly as your mouth closed around her nipple. You take your time there, kissing… and biting just to hear a soft gasp fall from her lips every time. It doesn’t take long before Vada grows tired of waiting. Her hips shifting under you in an attempt to draw your hands back to her. Eventually you did give in to her, and when you did, the moan that fell from her lip when you gently began rubbing her clit was so worth it.

Vada drew your lips back to hers, her hands wrapped in the hair at the base of your neck, tugging you back to her. Her kisses became sloppy, desperate little whines fell from her lips as she gripped tighter at your hair. Her movements became more and more frantic, her hips shifting and thrusting up to meet your fingers on her clit.

“What do you need, baby?” your movements slowed, and the whine that fell from her was almost pathetic. Her hands tugged harder on your hair, her lips brushing against your neck, anything to get you to continue. “You gotta use your words, baby” you prompted again.

“Your mouth” her voice was low as she tried to stop the moan that threatened to fall from her at your slow movements on her clit.

“Good girl” you wanted to tease her, you really did. But Vada’s arousal was almost dripping onto your mattress now, and you felt bad. The stubble of her thighs tickled your cheeks as you placed kisses there. Her hips shifted, she was getting impatient again. Your hand left her clit to hold her hips in place, and she whined at the loss of contact. But you didn’t leave her for long, your tongue soon replacing where your fingers had been. She hummed, finally satisfied with getting what she wanted.

“Jesus” she moaned out, not quite expecting your finger to press against her entrance. Vada’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment with how easily your finger slid in. Her head fell back and she no longer tried to stop her whimpers.  She was a mess under you now as you slipped in a second finger without losing your rhythm. You knew she wouldn’t last long like this. Not with your tongue lapping at her clit too.

Her nails dug into the back of your neck tugging again on the hair, as she tightened around your fingers, she was close now. You curled your fingers, as you sucked gently on her clit. Her thighs were shaking against the side of your head now. You entwined your fingers with hers as she came. Vada let out one more moan as her body went rigid under you.

The California heat combined with your recent activity left you sweating and trying to catch your breath as you rested your head on Vada’s thigh. Her thighs were still shaking under you, and her breaths coming out in pants, jostling you.

“Let's forget about Nick’s party” Vada’s breath was hot against your neck when she finally reached down and pulled you back up to her. But she didn’t have much to worry about, any thought of that party was long gone.

[studiolemonboy]

Mutants of Cherry Creek (pt 2)

Some MORE mutated critters from my YA lovecraftian horror comic set in 90s New England.

Mutagenic ooze is seeping into the town of Cherry Creek and mutating normal New England wildlife into terrifying monsters. The Cherry Creek Middle School Paranormal Investigation Club sets out to discover, catalogue, and tame all of the mutated cryptids and hopefully find the source of the toxic ooze before it permanently infects everything (and everyone) in town.

Northern Short Tailed Shrew — one of only a few venomous mammals

Brown and Black Bears - walk on two legs, climb trees, intelligent

Eastern Crayfish - present in the fossil record for at least 300 million years Eastern

Moose - huge but stealthy

Eastern Newt (Red Eft) — can secrete a strong smelling chemical from glands in its skin

At first, the animals just seem weird, strange, a little “off”. Over time, exposure to the ooze causes these creatures to get bigger, meaner, and much more dangerous. (all the beginning stage creatures shown here are newly mutated, their final stages are after only a few weeks of exposure)

I also love folklore and cryptids and I really love the idea of this club of dorky middle school cryptid hunters assigning names like “bigfoot”, “mothman”, and “hodag” to these monsters so can try and contextualize something they don’t really understand. Soon the club realizes these aren’t fun isolated critters but symptoms much larger impending ecological disaster!

I picture it like pokemon evolution, going from a cute water turtle to a kaiju which is a lot for a ten year old to handle.

Which is your favorite? What cryptid would you wanna see? What animal should I “Cryptify” next? lmk what you think!

[voidartisan]

Even More Bonus Modern AU content

Jesse believes in Bigfoot and other select cryptids. All of his brothers think this ridiculous to varying extents but Kix will sigh and go to the tourist spots with him

Due to my Stewjon-is-space-Scotland headcanons, Obi-Wan was born in Scotland but raised in England in this au. At various points Cody's ringtone for him was the chorus of I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) and Anakin's was this (volume warning for the link)

obitine is ace4ace, ahsoka is bi, and korkie is bi/ace. anakin is the only straight person in the house

tup made cody an apron that says "please do nothing to the cook" in sunset aroace flag colors

hunter wants one

i can't find any good images of it but the vibe of fox and riyo's first date is the same as sunny and reaper's in Goblin: The Great and Lonely God (if you don't know what that is i'm sorry. there's no succinct way to properly describe it) except fox is slightly less awkward than reaper so he doesn't stare at the table the whole time.

ahsoka doesn't ever put people's actual names in as phone contacts and they’re indecipherable to outsiders

In the Bad Batch’s household, anyone who says something stupid gets lula’d. Omega is the sole arbiter of the lula bc no one would ever retaliate against her

Crosshair argues that Hunter is unfairly lula’d less than the rest of them but has no recourse for his grievances

[thegenxorcist]

The Egopantis

Why is it that so many cryptids, backwoods beasties, and lurking creatures from local tales have such lame names? Bigfoot: That's a bit too on the nose — it's got big feet. Mothman: A man that's also a moth. Goatman: A man that's also a goat. Frogman: A man that's also a frog. The Jersey Devil: That one guy from "Jersey Shore" called "The Issue" or something. Maybe "Chupacabra" sounds exotic and cool unless you speak Spanish, in which case "goat sucker" isn't too intimidating. Olgoï-Khorkhoï the "Mongolian Death Worm" is better, until you realize it's probably just a snake. And then there's (drumroll) the Egopantis: A name that will never make sense no matter what way you slice it...

The Bizarre Legend Of The New England Cryptid, The Egopantis

[oiladgivememoney99]

Newscapepro SCP UnLondon 2: Hell Underwater

The team was sitting in the auditorium, General Flooper, and a man with short, well kept black hair in a nice suit complete with a bowler hat were standing upon the stage.

“This is Professor Otis, he’s a long time veteran of the European branch of The Foundation,” Flooper explained. “He’s here to assist us with the fixing of the recent breaches,”

“Danke, General,” The man stepped forward, talking quietly into the microphone. “I am… developing a weapon to more easily deal with the Skips without damaging them,”

Nikole whispered to the blonde to her side. “I heard of this thing ‘round the water cooler,”

“Shut up!” Triana whisper yelled at the older woman, who crossed her arms grumpily.

“Thank you, Otis; please give him a warm welcome to the Facility,” Flooper said. “A prototype of this weapon will be present in our return to UnLondon; head to the helicopter now, troops,”

And so there the team was, getting into a helicopter that soon began to fly from the US to England preparing to land at UnLondon again.

“Alright, we know that the Serpent’s Hand is in there; we’ll easily be able to surround them and force them to surrender,” Triana said

“Finally, somethin’ easy,” Nikole smirked.

Cory shifted in his seat a little. “I’m still pretty unsure about going back there… y’know cause that… guy I won’t mention kinda kidnapped me,”

“You were fine, right Cory?” Hooper asked, mostly jokingly with the smallest hint of concern.

Cory shuddered. “You wouldn’t believe the things I saw in there…”

“It was an empty room, and the… guy didn’t even try to stop Bigfoot from saving you,” Nikole rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, well it was still sucky!” Cory crossed his arms.

The helicopter landed in front of the entrance to the Skip shortly after; they quickly entered back into the gloomy city streets they had spent an unfortunate amount of time in.

“Alright, you all know exactly where the Serpent’s Hand base is, place is already surrounded we’re just here to make sure it stays that way,” Lara said over the radio. “Should be an easy mission,”

“Have all instances of SCP-1678 within this area been neutralised?” Triana asked.

“Pretty much, unless you really stray away from the group, *ahem* Nikole and Tri,”

“Wasn’t our fault these three ran in the wrong direction,” Nikole groaned.

“Yeah, Bluejay; we’re the ones that ended up actually finding anything,”

Despite the fact they couldn’t see her, the team could feel Lara rolling her eyes. “You still nearly got yourselves killed, I don’t wanna hear it,” She cleared her throat. “Anyways, just stick together, and uh… Tri,” Her tone got far more serious.

“Yeah Blue… yeah Honey?”

“Stay safe, alright? Losing comms kinda caused me a bit of a panic attack…” Lara chuckled uncomfortably.

Nikole smirked to herself as Triana also chuckled uncomfortably. “I will, don’t worry,”

“Phew… that goes for the rest of you, I know the autism makes it hard to tell, but I do actually like you guys,”

“I thought you only liked Triana,” Scott smirked… then got jabbed in the stomach by Triana.

Lara paused. “Shut up… moment’s over, just go to the place where all the other MTF are,”

Cory pouted. “Awww…”

“There’ll be more moments, Cory,” Hooper patted the man on the back.

“HALT, CRIMINAL!” The entire team all aimed at the alleyway where the now all too familiar sound of the Bobbies’ yelling came from, the two Officers began to rush them before-

BZZZT

A beautiful, yet terrifying blast of light and electricity came from behind the Bobbies; sending both of the Skips falling to the ground completely stunned.

The six stood there, equally stunned as the twitching mummified men on the ground.

“You’re welcome,” The MTF that fired the futuristic gun; closer to small canon than any gun the other MTF had seen. “This thing has been real good at dealing with these coppers,”

“Thanks…” Triana looked at the insignia on the soldier’s chest. “Sergeant, what are your orders?”

“We’re patrollin’, a lot less scary recently,”

Scott was ogling the gun. “Goddamn, how does that thing work?”

“I uh… don’t know, you probably shouldn’t be looking that close at it, sir,”

“Nah, I’m a Weapon’s Expert,” Scott confidently said. “I gotta get my hands on one of these,”

“You can just like… ask the General on your next mission,”

“What happens when it hits a person?”

“Let’s never find out, Scott,” Triana heaved a bit as she pulled the big guy away from the gun. “Let’s get back to the mission,”

“Aww…” Scott looked down for a minute, before going back to following Triana walking towards the Radio Tower in the distance.

“If it helps at all, I also wanna disassemble it,” Nikole patted the guy in the back.

“You prolly wanna try to put it in that flask o’ yours,” Hooper added, Lara chuckled over the radio.

Nikole pouted. “I mean you’re right, but like… that’s just kinda rude,”

---

“Doc, doc, doc!” A Serpent’s Hand member yelled as he ran to the basement of the tower, Evil Uni sat near the bottom.

“Jesus, settle down,” The dog man tried to wave the grunt’s fear away, spinning around on an office chair to face him. “What’s wrong?”

“The Foundation! Th-they have us surrounded!”

Duni sat there for a moment, pondering in thought. “Nothing to worry about, we’ll be out of here in no time,”

“How? They have the-”

Duni hit a button and opened up a secret hatch, leading to a submarine underwater.

“Impressed? We stole this bad boy from The Foundation,” Duni invited the man in. “This will only be a minor setback in our plans,”

---

“This feels… too easy,” Cory shuddered, counting the streetlamps in his head as his team got to the outside of the tower.

“That’s a good thing, Cory,” Triana turned to face the Private.

“These Serpent’s Hand guys are super crafty, we aren’t just gonna be able to get them out of there,” Cory said. “We gotta go in there,”

“We don’t have the authorisation; we need to wait until reinforcements arrive,” Triana ordered.

Hooper butted in. “Yeah, Cory; we shouldn’t go in ‘till we got more people to back us up,”

“Oh, screw that,” Cory ran towards the front door. “I’m not gonna let these guys kill any more people,” He bolted into the building as fast as he could.

“CORY!” Triana reached out to him.

“Holy shit, the kid did it… whatever that was,” Nikole looked at the door with a mix of pride and shock.

“So are we goin’ in after him?” Scott asked.

“No,” Lara sighed. “We’d need to wait for reinforcements to do anything,”

“Goddammit,” Hooper sighed. “I’ll go after him,”

“Wha?”

“Don’t worry about it LT, I just gotta do this; we’ll be safe,”

“Hooper, I am ordering you to-”

“And I’m refusin’, see ya soon Lieutenant,” Hooper ran into the building.

---

Cory instantly noticed the lack of Serpent’s Hand members, not even a single grunt was in there-

“Cory!”

“Agh!” Cory jumped backwards as he heard the familiar Southern accent of his friend. “Hoop? I thought you were staying behind,”

“You’re gonna need backup, Cory,” Hooper explained as he helped Cory get up from the floor. “No one’s in here,”

Cory looked lost in thought for a moment… “The basement! What if they have like… a submarine in there!”

“Cory, that sounds like a trauma response… and like a real bad idea,”

Cory lead Hooper by his wrist to the basement. “You just gotta trust me, Hoop!”

Cory and Hooper looked into the basement, seeing the secret hatch which lead to the secret room with the-

“Submarine!” Cory whispered to the Corporal.

“How are we gonna get on?”

Cory’s eyes looked over a large crate, he then looked Hooper in the eyes.

“Cory-”

“It’s our only choice, Hoop,” Cory smiled.

They shoved themselves into the crate soon after, probably the absolute worst fit considering that they were two grown men; they soon heard two people walk towards them and pick up the crate.

“God, this thing is way heavier than I thought,”

“What do they got in here, bricks?”

“Anomalies?”

“Anomalous bricks?”

The men’s conversation finished as they dumped the box on the cold metal floor; the two waited until all the sounds of chatter, and walking were far away enough; they quickly opened up the box and stood up in the cramped metal storage room of the submarine; shiny yet dark and with dozens boxes stacked utop each other.

“I’ll be damned, Cory, that actually worked,” Hooper whispered.

Cory scoffed. “Of course it did, now we gotta… uh…”

“Did you seriously not think this far ahead?”

Cory looked down. “Maybe… I uh… didn’t think we’d get this far,”

“Goddam-”

“Halt Jailers, put your hands up!” The shout from the two Serpent’s Hand grunts caused the two men to comply.

“Aw crap,”

The black dog man sauntered in looking as smug as ever he eyed up Cory with a smirk on his face. “There you are, finally deciding to defect to the good side, huh?”

“Never!”

The dog sighed. “Pity, thought you and… whoever this is finally grew a conscious-”

RUMBLE

“I- what the hell is going on over there?” Duni shouted over in the general direction of the cockpit, his voice sounding more shaken than before considering the sheer force of the rumbling. Cory nearly vomited from the motion sickness.

“Something is swimming around us, Doc! Like a big ass snake,”

“Y-You don’t mean… oh fuck… oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck,” The Dog began to pace around the room, the two grunts to his side looked at him in concern as did Cory and Hooper.

“What’s goin’ on?” Hooper shouted.

“What’s going on is that we’re gonna die here; that was the Leviathan,” Duni’s voice shrank to a size even smaller than before as the man continued to pace.

Hooper quirked an eyebrow. “SCP-169?”

“I suppose that’s what you jailers call it,”

“I thought the Serpent’s Hand wanted to harness the power of all anomalies, why don’t you-”

“Fucking what?” The dog, through the haze of fear still managed to sound genuinely offended. “How much bullshit have you been fed?”

RUMBLE

The rumbling of the ship made nearly everyone fall over alongside some boxes that Cory and Hooper quickly rolled out of the way of.

“It don’t matter right now if we all end up at the bottom of the Ocean, we gotta-”

RUMBLE

This was the last rumble, the last thing Cory remembered before everything went black.

[pers-books]

Two Fifteenth Doctor audio adventures coming soon

Two brand new adventures are coming for the Fifteenth Doctor and Ruby Sunday... this time on audio! 

Heading to County Durham, England, and North West America, these two new stories take the Fifteenth Doctor and Ruby Sunday even further. 

Doctor Who: On Ghost Beach

by Niel Bushnell

A haunting tale of mystery and adventure for the Fifteenth Doctor and Ruby Sunday!

The TARDIS arrives in County Durham, England, in 1958. Seaham Chemical Beach was once a scene of heavy industry, long since abandoned, but now local residents are having nightmares and seeing apparitions.

It isn’t long before the Doctor and Ruby are affected by the beach’s peculiar atmosphere. As they begin to forget exactly who they are, Ruby hears a distant voice calling her on.

Whose memories are filling the travellers’ heads, and what is the significance of Ghost Beach, in the Sea of Despair, on the planet Farfrom? Even more importantly – who is Reg?

Susan Twist, who played the recurring woman in the BBC TV series, reads this atmospheric original chiller by Niel Bushnell.

Doctor Who: Sting of the Sasquatch

by Darren Jones

A full-throttle adventure in America for the Fifteenth Doctor and Ruby Sunday

In a National Park in North-West America, the Doctor and Ruby are pursued by large, ape-like creatures who seem to literally disappear into the trees. When Ruby falls ill after apparently being stung, the Doctor believes the infection is extra-terrestrial in origin.

They meet Dixie and Greg, two Bigfoot hunters determined to track down the mythical Sasquatch. Standing in their way is Ranger Peone, who’s adamant that the forest is too dangerous to explore. Dozens of people have vanished, or reappeared with no memory, in the last month alone.

Then the ape creatures kidnap Ruby, and the Doctor is determined to both save her life and solve the mystery of the Sasquatch.

Genesis Lynea, who played Harriet Arbinger in the BBC TV series, reads this tense and dramatic original story by Darren Jones.

Pre-order Doctor Who: Sting of the Sasquatch here

[assiraphales]

I do not feel patriotic today. when was the last time I was? on a humid july night waving sparklers underneath the boom of fireworks, back when I didn't know the true meaning of the red white and blue that I wore? before I learned about imperialism and genocide and oppressive systems? back before school shootings and roe vs wade was overturned before fox news before neo nzis were more protected than civil rights protestors. back when naivety softened the impact of life, back when my memories were hazy, back when.... but as i listen to a radio station 1000 miles away and the hum of morning traffic, maybe that is not fair to my home. america is indigenous populations honoring traditions that are thousands of years old. america is scenic highways and glacier mountains and cacti that take 7 decades to grow a single arm. she is the immigrants who came to ellis island with a dream with resolve with their culture to share & evolve. she is the desert plains and ranch hands, the new england hills and lobstermen, the misty pacific mornings and lumberjacks. the pink glow of the neon open sign in a laundry mat, the roadside attractions and diners, the baseball games and hot dogs. the new orleans jazz musicians busking on the corner, the hollywood sign, the fierce defensiveness of "my state has the best tacos". apple cider donuts and jambalaya and casseroles. john henry and johnny appleseed and bigfoot and mothman. potlucks and hospitality and laughing big and loud on a porch. america is hundred of millions of people trying, living, creating, hoping, and dreaming in practically dystopian conditions. and I love u

[vlepkaaday]

This post is a little self-advertisment.

I opened an online store where you can buy STUFF with my artwork on it. You can find the link in the bio but if you prefer to type here is the address:

http://redbubble.com/people/vlepkaaday

I spent last week updating it so you can find 25+ designs there that you can get as stickers, T-shirts, hoodies, magnets or just regular prints.

The above artwork is there already!

The Bridgewater Triangle is an area of about 200 square miles (520 km2) within southeastern Massachusetts in the United States, claimed to be a site of alleged paranormal phenomena, ranging from UFOs to poltergeists, and other spectral phenomena, various bigfoot-like sightings, giant snakes and thunderbirds. The term was coined by New England based cryptozoologist Loren Coleman.

I am a huge fan of all things Internet Mysteries, and unexplained secrets. So here’s another one in my series of Pinup vintage postcards from unexplained phenomene places :D