#Christian boundaries

[finallyalivecounseling]

Don't Take It Personally: A Guide to Finding Peace in Christ

Why Taking Things Personally Feels So Good It’s easy to take things personally when someone says something that sounds like an insult. At first, it might feel good to get angry or upset. It makes you feel like you have the right to be mad at someone. But in the long run, taking things personally can make you feel isolated and insecure. It’s a defense mechanism that might make you feel safe for a…

[i-really-like-phrogs]

Re-design of my un-named Beetlejuice OC from back when I was thirteen

Original Reference under the cut:

[sadieshavingsex]

I’m tired of healing I’m tired of waiting to heal I’m tired of researching what’s wrong with me I’m tired of feeling pathologized im tired of pathologizing myself im tired of not feeling safe im tired of overanalyzing everything im tired of not being able to make a decision im

[queerprayers]

Officially, in the western church, today isn't the Annunciation. This is Holy Monday, and the Annunciation is moved to avoid coinciding with Holy Week. I think if it were during the Triduum I would appreciate this, making space to hold both days separately. But it's Monday, and they can't stop me from thinking about Mary during Holy Week. March 25 is a traditional date of both Jesus's death and conception, as well as the Creation—a spring equinox of redemption. Holding space for all these things has always been appropriate. Birth and death coexist; Jesus's beginnings were the beginnings of his mortality. The angel announces the future, and whoever listens must live through all of it.

What did it mean for Mary to say yes to this? We laugh at the "Mary did you know?" lyrics, because we know she knew. But she also didn't have to know the details of God's plan to say yes to what every parent says yes to—witnessing. Acknowledging the bringing into the world of a frail being, perhaps giving your body to make this happen, praying that you will die before they do but knowing that is not promised. And every parent living under a violent state knows what it is to hope it's not your kid that's next (whether you're a Black parent teaching your child how to talk to cops, or a Palestinian parent hiding in rubble, or a Jewish parent under Roman occupation who's seen the crosses outside the city walls).

Do you think, at the foot of the cross, Mary thought of her response, "Let it be unto me according to your word"? After bearing that Word inside her, teaching him how to walk, waiting for God to change his mind, to reveal a ram caught in a thicket so her son wouldn't have to die after all, do you think she remembered her teenage self, magnifying the Lord? "The Almighty has done great things for me"—and to me. Great as in too big to look at all at once, bloodstained things. The power of the Most High is overshadowing her—the shadow of the cross—his flesh broken, and someone (including her perhaps) will take him down and wash him for burial.

What does it mean to hold space for that day when an angel tore into her life, breaking it open for God—during Holy Week? If we desire a feast, we should wait until Easter, I agree. But today I honor a lady of sorrows—I desire an acknowledgement of the violence of agreeing to live and love and create when it will be torn away. The story never ends there, but we must live through this week (and whatever weeks of our lives hold these things) saying yes, witnessing. Judas quit before the miracle happened—he couldn't witness death so he didn't witness the life (on this earth). Mary kept saying yes, even at the end.

We can never know everything we are saying yes to when we surrender to God. She knew in one sense, yes, but no one knows what it's like to lose a son until it happens. And no one but her knows what it's like to be the Mother of God. We already know what God wants us to do, but we don't know until it happens how much it hurts—and what the dawn will bring. What swords will pierce us, what promises will be kept.

When we say the Magnificat, we usually add a Gloria at the end—Mary did not have those words (the Trinity would not be formulated for another couple hundred years), but we have them. When we sing her song, we hold space for the ways we see God exist, and she saw those ways intimately. She held the Son and was surrounded by the Spirit, and now the Father holds her. As we live through Holy Week every year, every year she says yes. God's love continues unfolding. As it was in the beginning, is now, and will be forever. Amen.

Your assigned reading for today (should you choose to accept it) is @tomatobird-blog 's comic "Thirty Years." A blessed Holy Monday (and Annunciation) to you all.

[ae-cha08]

Remember, tolerating is shortchanging yourself. Trust your inner voice. Be honest. Come from intent. And protect your beautiful space.

[fairiencarnate]

Sorry lady I don't open the door for people who aren't faeries or goblin folk, take your religious material elsewhere

[crazycatsiren]

Like, really, you can just, you know, respect people's boundaries and not "bless" them for any reason once they tell you they'd rather you not do that.

[alwaysrememberjesus]

Set Healthy Boundaries

[writethestory365]

If only I had enough words to describe how good God is to me —

[simpleman193]

Very interesting, you can definitely see people trying to push the boundaries.

[star-ocean-peahen]

I was watching one of those reddit reading videos (i'm pretty picky about the channels i watch for those because it's really easy to tip into misinformation and shock entertainment as opposed to the Tea and some reality checks) and I'm crying right now because I just read one about a kid whose family destroyed all their unicorn memorabilia because they thought it was "satanic", and when the mom came to her senses and tried getting the kid some unicorn trinkets along with an apology the kid just. stared apathetically and said they didn't want it anymore. and fuck, fake story or not, that's fucking real. the guilt and self-loathing and self-denial that comes with being told you're in danger of becoming evil if you love the wrong things or you love something too much is traumatizing. it's so hard to let yourself care about things after that, when you're supposed to weaponize your own joy against you.

for me that seeped into every decision i made. sometimes it just made me uncomfortable, other times i would punish myself for wanting food when i was hungry.

i watched the movie Big Hero Six once with some youth group friends, and after the movie i asked one of my friends what she thought of the movie. the first thing she said was "Um, I thought it was kind of heretical." she was referring to the credits song, which is titled "Immortals". the song is about feeling invincible when with a person you love. but it had the word immortals in it, so it would lure me away from God and ruin my life if I listened to it. (she did like the movie btw she wasn't being a jerk thats just how we were raised)

I loved that song. And I hated myself for loving it. Every time I watched the movie or heard it somewhere, I would fight a painful internal battle of the part of me that enjoyed the song and the part of me that was afraid of doom and annihilation.

I thought by not rejecting the "worldly" joys, i was rejecting God and the infinity of good things he represented, because I was just that stupid that I would pick a momentary joy over eternity. I believed I was choosing my own death by loving non-Christian things.

I don't really have a good end to this. I guess my point is that this kind of thing doesn't automatically seem so destructive, but it really can be.

[dramoor]

"Christ, praying to the Father, says:

I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me. Father, I desire that they also whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold My glory which You have given Me; for You loved Me before the foundation of the world. (Joh 17:20-24)

This 'High Priestly Prayer' of Christ can sound dangerously like the end of boundaries. It is, instead a life of coinherence.* The Son is not the Father, but neither is He the Son apart from the Father, nor is the Father to be seen apart from the Son. Their very names, given to us by Christ: 'Father,' 'Son,' are names that only have meaning as they relate to the other. This is a mystery revealed to us in the Trinity, an existence in which there is commonality and a shared life, but where the one does not destroy or obliterate the other. That is His prayer: 'That they may be one, in the same way [even] as we are one.'

And this true existence requires boundaries: it requires that I not know some things. It requires that there be places I cannot go. And this mystery is given to us in a myriad of ways within the Tradition.

Fasting is learning to eat with boundaries. There must be some times when I cannot eat some things so that I might learn how to rightly eat anything. The calendar is time with boundaries. There must be some days that are different from other days so that I might learn how to rightly live each day. The rules do not exist to protect certain foods or because one day differs from another. The rules are only for us as a medicine for our boundless egos. It is a very good thing to learn that you are not God. It is only there that we will learn what it means to truly exist."

~Fr. Stephen Freeman, Boundaries, Borders, and the True God

*The Concept of Co-inherence

[sadieshavingsex]

Revolutionary idea: forgive your past self for her decisions!

[lowcountry-gothic]

In the mainstream field of psychology, experts understood that a young child’s opposition to their parents was simply a form of practicing autonomy and individuation....These experts knew that children, who held very little power in their lives, needed the experiences of expressing preferences, setting boundaries, and practicing making their own choices.  In contrast, religious authoritarian parenting books taught parents that this normal developmental process was evidence of a child's sinful nature and must be disciplined. In this framework, children were taught that when they diverged from their parents, that preference was sinful, evil, and selfish. Developing autonomy and individuality was a shameful practice, and this core message was reinforced through church services, Christian books, and Christian media at every turn. While non-authoritarian contemporaries perceived this period as simply a child finding a sense of self, [religious authoritarian parenting] authors like John MacArthur saw it as proof that ‘the human heart is programmed for sin and selfishness…every baby has the potential to become a monster.’

D.L. Mayfield, STRONGWILLED, Chapter 7: The Political Threat of Toddlers

[blurryface19]

One thing I've been realizing is that the Christian adults in my life who were preaching to or mentoring me had terrible emotional boundaries. They made promises to me that they realistically couldn't keep. When they told me they'd always be here for me, I believed them. The guilt and self-loathing I felt when they abandoned me was so heavy. I didn't know what I did wrong. Now I realize that was all on them. I was a kid. It was so unhealthy.

My therapist told me this week that she hates one of my former mentors, if that says anything about how inappropriate the relationship was/the damage it did. (Just to clarify, there was no type of illegal abuse that took place). It was extremely validating to know my anger and hurt is/has always been justified.

[unopenablebox]

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