#DUCKY MOMO! I want to make ducky momo from Phineas and Ferb

[tj-crochets]

Crafting update! - knit beanie is about two thirds done! It’s the same sidewinder beanie pattern I always use - llama quilt needs one more line of quilting and then it just needs the binding! so it’s almost done but I have no photos because it’s currently rolled up on the chair in front of my sewing machine - I have not started embroidering the jacket sleeve but I plan on embroidering at least one tree on it, starting at the cuff, and embroidering a bunch of other flowers, mushrooms, ferns, and other plants around it. Further up the sleeve, I want to have the moon and shooting stars and maybe non-shooting stars (and probably also a little hidden ufo, because I think that would be funny)  - I have half the fabric cut out for a little quilted tote bag, but I can’t start it until I finish the quilt. It’s green! And has coppery moths and ferns!  - I want to make a llama plushie to go with the llama quilt - I need to make some baby beanies to go with the strawberry hearts quilts so I can get all three sets of baby stuff in the mail to my cousins in time for baby showers

[autism-rizz-tournament]

Autism Rizz Tournament

Rizz: Originally short for "Charisma", Rizz (for this tournament, at least) refers to the appeal, charm or general "ability to pull" a character has, either romantically and/or sexually. (The character doesn't necessarily need to be attracted to anyone to have rizz. If they can make others fall for them, it counts)

How to vote

Propaganda

Candace Flynn (Phineas and Ferb)

that girl is so autistic special interests include ducky momo and busting her brothers, the latter to the point where it impacts her day to day life with her friends because she's so fixated on it (we've all been there right.) Also jeremy is so down bad for her even though (possibly because) she's a little weird and off putting and he's SO sweet and he loves her so much so CLEARLY she has the rizz

Garnet (Steven Universe)

She is rizz personified. She managed to rizz Jamie up without even trying and then rejected him in the most autistic way ever. she has so many emotions but looks like ":l" most of the time. she thinks she knows what to do most of the time and gets really nervous when she doesn't "sorry, playing with swords. oh no, they are bleeding. they are dead. don't call again. sorry, I got nervous :/" She also tends to be really direct even when telling jokes ("danger is my middle name") "that's a lie. ....... your middle name is cutiepie", "all comedy is derived from fear." "I am much older than you."

Chiaki Nanami (Super Danganronpa 2)

the first thing that comes to mind is her tendency to speak in uncertain terms more often than other people (like following up a statement that she's mostly -- but not entirely -- certain in with "i think", as an example). It's probably a combination of literalmindedness and wanting to avoid miscommunication while also not wanting to spend too much energy finding the absolute perfect wording, since she's also noted to take time articulating responses to things sometimes, another thing which points to the idea that she takes some effort to avoid miscommunications. she usually speaks in a pretty subdued tone (probably for the same reason), but she also gets quite blunt on occasion, usually when in a stressful or otherwise chaotic situation. the least spoilery example i can think of is when she bluntly tells nagito to be quiet during the first trial, because basically everything he said by that point was causing widespread confusion and psychic damage to the other students. Also she is the Ultimate Gamer. danganronpa's ultimate talents in general tend to easily read as special interests for the characters who possess them and chiaki is no exception. something else that's notable is that the one video game genre she isn't good with is the dating sim genre. last point: facial expressions! this could be chalked up to her being kinda sleepy all the time, but almost all the facial expressions in her sprites are pretty close to a flat neutral, which is notable for a visual element designed to communicate a character's emotion. she does still express emotion with her face, but it's to a noticeably lesser extent than the other characters in the game. also to give some backup to the rizz part as well, the protagonist especially likes her in a way that i assume is intended to be romantic, though i also remember it being somewhat vague, but either way his affection for her leads to the established rules of the plot being broken in a narratively satisfying way in order for him to talk to her during the conclusion of the game, which leads him to have hope that everything will turn out okay in the end.

Reagan Ridley (Inside job)

No propaganda

[ginnyweatherby]

Okay uhhh apologies for the long ask but I just wanted to write these down after that reblog and I just thought you'd like them

---

The PnF kids getting readings from Bruno and Isabella just getting all flustered when she sees her and Phin end up together, she makes Bruno promise to keep it secret.

Phineas and Ferb making Dolores special headphones that muffle sound enough for her to hear and not suffer.

Vanessa and Isabela painting each other's nails black and also Isa covering Norm with flowers.

Luisa helping the kids move stuff around and also arm wrestling with them cause they want to (she let's Baljeet win everytime and Buford just tries his very hardest).

And uhmmm... Perry showing Antonio his lair and letting him meet the other OWCA agents cause who wouldn't trust Antonio?

Felix, Agustin and Lawrence just having an absolute blast together and bonding like dads do. They talk about how amazing their kids are.

Pepe and Linda gardening together, Linda and Juiletta making supper and snacks together.

Candace and Isa talking about how annoying Mirabel, Phineas and Ferb are but how they love them to death.

Luisa, Candace and Vanessa all watching Ducky Momo

Camilo messing with Isabella like with his prima and just turning into Phineas all the time, especially when they're all together and Phin just gets really confused as to why he's pestering Isabella as him.

Ohhhh these are all so excellent!!!!! I love each and every one of them, thank you.

The boys making Dolores special headphones is so incredibly wholesome I'm going to cry. They're just the sweetest kids.

ISA COVERING NORM WITH FLOWERS. HE'D LOVE IT. SOMEONE DRAW NORM WITH A FLOWER CROWN PLS!!!!!

Antonio just becoming an Honorary OWCA member. He translates for the Agents while they (rightfully so) complain about their poor pay and working conditions.

... Can Doof join in on the little Dads-Who-Love-Their-Kids club?

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

I've been rewatching all the Loki content to get ready for the new show and I have thought of A Phineas and Ferb AU™ for your viewing pleasure (and if anyone wants to turn any part of this into an actual fanfic I would owe you my life)

this post was brought to you in partnership with @dumbausfromdanville

You know how the first Thor movie ends with Loki yeeting himself off the Bifrost and falling to earth? What if, instead of going after the Tesseract, he falls straight to the Tri-State area?

Jane, Darcy, and Selvig all seemed to be on vacation, right? So Thor presumably took place during the summer — say, perhaps, ending on June 3? So he falls right onto Phineas and Ferb's rollercoaster just before it goes down that ♫ three-mile drop straight down ♪. He has no idea wtf is happening so it's not like he gets the chance to sit down and put on a seatbelt, so he's stuck holding on for dear life for the entire rollercoaster ride which Phineas and Ferb find weird but they're not really concerned bc they're chill lil dudes and tbh this isn't too far off a normal day for them.

Phineas and Loki strike up a none-too-pleasant conversation (not that Phineas notices Loki's bad mood; he's too Him to realize not everyone is rainbows and sunshine all day, every day), and our favorite lil disoriented demigod has to figure out where the fuck he is now ("You there. What realm is this?" "Danville 🙂" "Wut da fuk?") and what the fuck he's supposed to do now that he's here.

Phineas ends up inviting him to hang out for the afternoon, and Loki is about to turn him down but then he smells the pie. He's never had doonkleberry pie before so obviously he has to try it. Then, when Loki's no longer hangry, they can hold an actual conversation. It's lowkey more Loki wallowing in his own self-pity than anything else, but Ferb recognizes Asgard when Loki mentions it so he and Phineas piece together that he's a god pretty quickly.

More importantly, though, they figure out that he's completely alone, and because Loki never mentions trying to, you know, murder his brother and lowkey overthrow the monarchy, they just kinda assume Loki's family sucks (Ferb is completely prepared to start the anti-Thor club but Phineas stops him because he doesn't want his brother to get struck by lightning) and adopt him (without his consent, but it's not like he has anywhere else to be -- and he did like that pie).

Loki has no desire to build anything with the boys He thinks the idea of a backyard beach they make the next morning is stupid — even more stupid than a regular beach, and that's saying something. But over time, he gets more involved -- not just with the boys, but with the entire family. He helps the boys build their inventions. He talks about human history with Lawrence and corrects much of his knowledge on mythology. He lets Linda teach him how to bake seriously, her pies are so good. He even suffers through Candace's mall trips as long as he gets to go to that fro-yo place on the second floor (though he draws the line at any conversation involving romance).

He's still a little skeptical of the platypus (and he feels like the platypus is a little skeptical of him, too) but Phineas insists that he's "just a platypus" and he "doesn't do much." Loki doesn't realize that Perry's keeping an eye on him for OWCA, nor does he know that Monogram has absolutely no idea what to make of the dude so he hasn't actually told any of his superiors about him. As far as the government is concerned, after the fiasco in New Mexico, Loki just disappeared.

This makes it fucking hilarious when the boys accidentally steal the superheroes' powers in Mission: Marvel and the superheroes show up at the Flynn-Fletchers' front door only to see fucking Loki. Loki just shuts the door in their faces without a word because what the fuck?, but eventually Phineas and Ferb go check the door and they agree to help the heroes (much to Loki's chagrin), which, of course, isn't complete with Candace fangirling over them (also much to Loki's chagrin; she never fangirled over him). At first the Avengers are fully convinced that Loki is responsible for stealing their powers, and Loki never actually denies it because he's a little shit but Phineas, Ferb, and their friends are very insistent that Loki didn't do anything (except a little bit of manual labor putting together the satellites because they're 10 and he's a whole-ass demigod).

At some point, Thor and Loki have a very heated discussion about the events of Thor, and it's pretty much all news to the Flynn-Fletchers and their friends. They're not really sure what to make of it so they basically glue their mouths shut and watch it all play out. I'd like to think it goes something like it does in The Avengers and that a) Thor is pissed because what the fuck have you been up to Loki you fucking dumbass, b) Thor has been in mourning since Loki yeeted himself into the abyss and he wants to make sure the guy knows it, and c) Loki does not take it seriously at all he's being antagonistic the entire time because he is so sick of Mr. High-And-Mighty's shit. In the end, Loki storms out of the SHEDquarters and Phineas doesn't even think to try to stop him until he's halfway out the door and it's too late.

He shows up again when Phineas, Ferb, and the Avengers try to fight the bad guys in the mall with the wrong powers and he basically singlehandedly saves their asses until superhero Perry shows up. As everyone's favorite shapeshifter, he has absolutely no problem figuring out that this beaver duck dude is the Flynn-Fletchers' platypus. He has no idea what to do with that information, but it sure is information that he now has apparently. (At this point, poor Loki has a very warped sense of what earth is supposed to be like lmao).

Phineas tries to get Loki to come back with them after superhero Perry grabs them and carries them home. Instead, Loki cuts himself loose and falls like 30 feet straight down (and tbh after falling from the Bifrost, that's nothing to him) and peaces the fuck out.

Loki ends up accidentally bonding with Candace and Isabella over feeling useless and unwanted (and he absolutely gets his own verse in Only Trying to Help because it's what he deserves), but unlike the two girls who are hell-bent on changing that, Loki is content wallowing in his own self-pity. He's tried this whole "being important" thing before and he ended up in self-exile for it. He's not putting himself through it again because he really doesn't expect it to end well. But then the powerless heroes decide to face the villains again, and with Candace and Isabella in space and Perry nowhere to be seen, he realizes it is once again up to him to keep the tri-state area safe (which he knows is a stupid priority but he's gotten kind of attached to these stupid little humans and he wants to keep them safe).

Then the heroes get their powers back and they join Loki (and Perry and the mysterious waffle gun in the sky) and beat the shit out of the villains. Thor and Loki work together in the heat of the battle which serves as a Great Bonding Moment™, and once the villains are gone, they have a nice lil heart-to-heart where they both apologize for their past. Thor remarks that Loki seems to have grown a lot over the last couple of months and tries to bring Loki home with him, but Loki refuses. He'll never be welcome back into Asgard, no matter what Thor may say.

But he is welcome with the Flynn-Fletchers, who are completely over the fact that he tried to ruin Thor's life and take his not-so-rightful place on the throne (except Candace who's very skeptical about having him back but it's not like Linda will believe her if she tries to tell her what Thor and Loki talked about so her opinion is unfortunately as irrelevant as it usually is on the show).

And early the next morning, before anyone else is awake, Perry gets an alert that he's needed in his headquarters (presumably to talk to or about Fury). He quietly sneaks off, only to find Loki waiting at the bottom of the stairs for him. They have a very nice "conversation" (not that Perry speaks) about the superhero Ducky Momo they saw the day before, and Loki assures him that his secret is safe, thus starting a much-needed bromance between Loki and Perry because it's what my babies, goddammit!

Anyways yeah if anyone wants to write a fanfic about Loki hanging out with Phineas and Ferb during his self-exile I would give you a socially distant high-five because I want to read it but I have too many other fanfics on my plate to start this one for at least a few months. It doesn't have to follow this prompt literally at all (I swear I wasn't trying to get this in-depth with it but this is what I do apparently) or it can follow this prompt exactly idc i just want a PnF/Loki fanfic 🥺

[sonny-ray-of-goth]

Ahhhh I thought I posted this but nooooo it was deleted.

Anyway.

I love Phineas and Ferb

And I like to draw.

Sooooooo

I redrew the Phineas and Ferb gang a bit older and in more modern styles.

So let’s see shall we?

First up we have Phineas!

(Who is totally a trans guy)

I feel like Phineas definitely had some form of attention deficit disorder so I gave him a fidget toy, although I suppose he would probably make his own little gadgets to fidget.

I kept his design pretty much the same as his original but tried to give him a bit of a TikTok boi vibe with the puffy jacket over his pretty standard summer look.

I really wasn’t planning to give him the triangle head and just give him angular features but my friend insisted he wasn’t Phineas without the triangle head, sooooo.

And I gave the boy a butt load of freckles because that’s what he gets for those king summers.

Up next we have my personal favorite, Ferb!

First of, Ferb is definitely non binary he/they aro spec ace. I don’t make the rules. I just head canon.

Anyways..

Ferbs design is pretty much the same just with a bit of a more e-boy vibe.

Exchange the purple high-waisted pants for black high-waisted skinny jeans, and a purple sweater over his white button down.

And the iconic ace ring.

And dyed purple hair because we know Ferb would have that phase.

Also lots of piercings that he probably let Phineas give him and the freaking skater boi vanns.

AYYEEE PRETTY LADY, Isabella!

Preppy fighter girl vibez with this one!

Isabella definitely is an upstanding student but absolutely no one would mess with her.

Again kept her style pretty similar with some more modern touches, changing her overall dress look to a skirt with suspenders and a white king sleeve blouse instead of her original t shirt.

I darkened her skin tone because I just feel it suits her better and put her hair up in pig tails since she’s a very active person and would probably want it out of her face, similar to the braid we see in act your age.

The gloves are mostly fan service to me along with her being a BA.

You know she’d beat the living shit out of anyone who even tried to hurt her friends.

The nerdy babe is up next, Baljeet!

He basically got a similar revamp to Isabella, overalls being replaced with pants and suspenders and long sleeve instead of t shirt.

I gave him the whale dress socks as both a reference to the whalemingos (that his boyfriend won’t shut up about) and as a reference to my irl friend who wears funky socks all the time.

I gave him those cute little glasses because I can see him wearing them as reading glasses and that’s his justification because why else would someone wear glasses that small they are simply illogical-

And the bling.

Pocket watch is a reference to my other friend... and the necklace was just a nice touch.

The man, the myth, the bully! BUFORD!

Ok so act your age did my mans so dirty.

Let Buford be thicc.

I get the long hair, I can see it but also,

MAN BUN.

Otherwise I think Bufords style probably wouldn’t change that much, he’s got that grungey vibe , so I kept his shirt and turned his cargo shorts to pants.

I added the letterman jacket because he probably joined football but I added some patches I think he’d have, like the theater patch as an allusion to his directing passion, the drums from the Baljeetles, and a feminist patch because this man chugs that respect women juice.

And the ace ring because you can fight me on the fact that Buford is a gray ace.

Finally we have the queen of Mars, Candace!

Ok so Candace is definitely a trans girl (future post coming about that)

I can totally see Candace being a harujuku girl, 100% inspired by her obsession with ducky momo, who is on her tank top.

I kept the elements from her initial design like her red sweater, but I lengthens the sleeves and for her skirt I changed the white accents to a trim rather than her belt.

I also added a bunch of references to her personal tirades and just the show in general

For example, Chicago joe and Mary in her hair accessories and the hair wrap around her bun being zebra print, the skull pin from when Buford worked for her for a day and all the references on her shoes.

Anyway...

That’s all for now, if anyone cares to hear more of my Phineas and Ferb rambles, my asks are always open

Or if anyone’s interested in more of my art

Have a swell day!

[authenticcadence18]

For the sending you a character thing could you maybe do Candace Flynn please? :)

Hi anon! And of COURSE!!

Favorite thing about them: I love how relatable she is! Candace being overwhelmed with life and feeling stuck/discouraged and frustrated is just, a big ‘ol mood, especially as I’ve gotten older. “The Universe is Against Me” is very therapeutic to sing for those reasons! I also love the moments when she is genuinely a kind older sister, like in “Dude We’re Getting the Band Back Together” or the end of “Summer Belongs To You.” I also love her friendship with Isabella (especially in the later seasons), it’s just really sweet! Candace helping Isabella out with her crush on Phineas (or just reacting to it in a deadpan way) is so so soooo so great! (Basically big sister Candace. Yes.) Candace is also just, SO FUNNY. Both with her dialogue and physical comedy. She’s a great character. (On a personal note, I also relate to her struggle with not wanting to drive right away! I was the same way, and thinking about Candace made me feel better about my own struggles!) Also her SINGING. YES. I love Ashley Tisdale. ...Ok, now that I’ve said lots of nice things about Candace...onto the next question😅

least favorite thing about them: sometimes Candace is just, very unkind. Like, I KNOW she has her own struggles and I’d never want to invalidate those.....but she is just so MEAN to Phineas and Ferb sometimes for no real reason (particularly in earlier episodes). Like, in the Christmas special for instance, she continuously laughs off Phineas and Ferb’s desire to write letters to Santa (but then USES this idea in a scheme to figure out what gift Jeremy wants, so it’s hypocritical on her part) (EDIT: i wouldn’t change the “letters to Santa??” bit, btw, it’s pretty funny!! but it illustrates my point) and THEN puts the thought in Phineas’s head that he might be the reason all of Danville was deemed naughty, which DEVASTATES him. I think the saddest part is that, 95% of the time, Phineas and Ferb are nothing but kind to her. It makes her occasional spitefulness towards them seem so JARRING. (And again I KNOW she struggles with her own issues and feeling inferior, CATU especially made that apparent, and I get it! But that doesn’t make it okay for her to be mean to her brothers, you know?). Also scenes where she says something nice to Jeremy and then rude to her brothers...idk, it just rubs me the wrong way. (I also dislike it STRONGLY when she is condescending to Isabella. I think this only happens, like, twice...but Isabella is my fave so I’ll never forget, LOL)

Favorite line: oh MAN how do I CHOOSE??? She’s got so many iconic lines. Maybeeee: “It’s SO not fair! I mean why am I still on sock detail when Gladys from accounting got promoted to commander and she doesn’t even know hold to hold a blaster!!! No I mean, really, she failed that part of the exam three times, she held it backwards AND upside down but she’s a second cousin to some mid-level darth and so SHE gets the promotion?? What about ME??? If they would just open their eyes, they’d see that I’ve got everything it takes, I COULD BE THE STORMIEST STORM TROOPER EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!” Oh i also like (in reference to lumpy tables) “it’s the new hip-thing, it’s so European!!!” And also “Though I’ve often thought of you as just a nuisance and a bother, today I can’t imagine havin’ better little brothers!”

BrOTP: Candace and Stacy, 100%!! I love them and their friendship SO much, it really feels genuine (especially as their characters develop more). Their subplot in “Canderemy” is one of my favorite Candace plot lines in the show, it’s so funny and so sweet at the end (and a welcome distraction from a certain OTHER subplot in that episode.....yes I’m still mad about the ending🙃)

OTP: CANDEREMY! I’ll be honest, when I was younger, Canderemy kind of annoyed me because Phinabella was my fave and I always got mad when Candace had better luck with love than Isabella (because Candace was mean and Isabella wasn’t and I identified with Isabella and like, I’m just trying to give y’all a picture of younger me😂). But now that Phinabella is canon and I’ve gotten older, I really, REALLY appreciate Candace and Jeremy. Candace doesn’t have to act a certain way for Jeremy to like her: he likes her just the way she is and actively DISCOURAGES her from changing her identity just to appeal to him more. That’s so refreshing and wonderful to see in media aimed at kids/teens. I love that, for the majority of the show, they’re either “talking” or in a relationship and it’s just, a healthy relationship! No multi-episode arcs about them breaking up, no love triangles, no petty arguments (sometimes the show leans into these tropes for an episode, but that’s it. And it’s always resolved). They genuinely care about one another, and I think it’s really sweet. (Plus a Canderemy wedding is RIFE with possibility for pre-relationship Phinabella moments👀)

nOTP: I don’t have any specific nOTPS for Candace, so I’ll just say I’m fine with any ship between her and someone her age (that she isn’t related to, obviously. AND THAT GOES FOR ALL MY SHIPS. I don’t want to say that on every one of these character posts so like, just know. That is where i stand.)

Random headcanon: Candace and Jeremy adopted Fred. I just think it’s a sweet headcanon 🥺. Alsooooo ok this doesn’t specifically revolve around Candace, but when she and Jeremy got married, Isabella and Phineas were both a part of the wedding party and Candace made SURE they were paired together to walk down the isle💕. And Candace continues collecting Ducky Momo memerobilia well into adulthood!

Unpopular opinion: Candace isn’t a terrible, irredeemable character.....but she’s not a purely amazing character who can do no wrong either. I feel like some fans either despise her fully or love everything about her. I’m in the middle. I see her as a flawed character who was written by numerous people and thus is somewhat inconsistent in her characterization. I like it when she is characterized as kindhearted but easily overwhelmed and longing for validation, so that is how I choose to portray her in my own writing/headcanons.

Song I associate with them: look Candace sings so many FANTASTIC songs in the show that I can’t associate her with any other music. Like I guess Ashley Tisdale’s “Kiss the Girl” because there’s fics of her singing that to Phineas and Isabella and I think that’s adorable? (I know I wrote one of those waaaaaaay back in the day, LOL). But in general, every Candace song is great. “The Universe is Against Me” ESPECIALLY.

favorite picture of them: you know what Y’ALL GET FOUR PICTURES BECAUSE BIG SISTER CANDACE IS THE BEST OK

Thank you so much, anon! As you can see, I’ve got quite a few thoughts on Candace😅. At the end of the day, I think she’s a great character and I relate to her a lot! I had a ton of fun writing all these answers out.

This is the last ask I’m going to answer tonight, but I’m looking forward to answering more tomorrow!!!! 😁

[blurblox]

Okie, first fanfic. Ahhh don’t judge me for my bad English even tho I’m fluent in English lmao. I want to thank everyone who wrote a phineas and ferb fanfic cause u inspired me hehehe. This takes place when Linda and Lawrence are still dating, the kids are 3 and Candace is 8. Enjoy the fic everyone lol.

Baljeet waddled into the Flynn-Fletcher backyard sipping a grape flavored juice-box in his hand. And there 3-year old Phineas Flynn was sitting on the ground with his blueprints scattered all around the grass and excitedly drew on them with his orange crayon. A green-haired stranger sat right next to him. Phineas looked up from his blueprints and beamed at Baljeet excitedly.

“Baljeet!” the red-head exclaimed as he ran over to the desi.

Baljeet looked at Phineas with a questioning look in his eyes as he ran over to him.

“Let me introduce you to Ferb!” he practically shouted.

The green-haired toddler waved politely. Baljeet was just about to say something when suddenly a raven-haired girl interrupted him and walked through the gate.

“Whatcha doin?” she asked with a sweet tone in her voice. Then, a brunette with a somewhat raspy voice showed up behind her.

“Hey, dinner bell,” the brunette greeted as he walked past Isabella. “My ma just bought me some new shoe-,” he paused as he saw an unfamiliar face seated on the grass. Phineas seemed to notice Buford’s confusion and smiled at him.

“Buford, this is my new brother, Ferb.” Phineas said with a shine in his eyes. Buford just looked at Isabella and she glanced at him back with the same look.

“Brother?” he asked, scratching his head. Isabella walked towards the Brit and stuck out her hand for him to shake it.

“Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, leader of the Lil’ Sparks and best friend of Phineas Flynn,” she announced to him with a smile as he shook her hand. Phineas grinned at the scene next to him.

“I’m confused,” Buford declared as he looked at Phineas.

“He’s my mommy’s boyfriend’s son...so he’s basically my brother.”

Buford tried to be nice by smiling at Ferb. Ferb just blinked and stared at him blankly.

“I like him,” Buford stated. Phineas cracked a smile.

“See, I knew you guys would become friends.”

Isabella walked toward the two boys and looked down at Phineas’s blueprints.

“Wow, this looks more complicated than your other things.” she sighed as she studied the orange crayon scribbled all over the blue.

“Yeah, Ferb brought his tool box and he has a bunch of new tools I’ve never seen before,” he replied to her “We can make way cooler things now that we have these.” Baljeet leaned down and picked up the orange crayon and made some corrections. Ferb crawled to the rest of the gang.

“Juicebox,” Baljeet squeaked and pointed to some corrections. Phineas admired his work.

“Woah, that looks pretty mega to me,” Phineas marveled “Ferb, I know what we’re gonna do today!”

They all sat around the blueprints and started discussing the plans. Meanwhile, Candace had her nose pressed against the window.

“Mom!” she called out “Look at what they are up to!” Linda entered the living room.

“What is it Candace,” she sighed, “I have to be somewhere now. I need to finish getting ready.” Please make this quick.”

“Look, see for yourself,” she motioned toward the window. Linda looked out the window. She gasped.

“Aww, Candace you’re right.”

“See, I told you,”

“They look so adorable,”

“Uh huh- wait what?!”

Linda pulled out her phone to take a picture as Candace looked out the window again and saw them still gathered around their blueprints making more corrections.

“Lawrence was right, they did get along really well!”

“No, mom! You don’t understand!”

“Candace, I really have to finish getting ready,” she replied as she walked to her room “Lawrence, look after the kids while I’m away.”

“Whoo-hoo!” Lawrence called from the kitchen, “Candace, we can finally have that tea party you wanted me to come to with Mr. Miggins and Ducky Momo!”

Candace just groaned in response. She walked outside.

“What are you guys up too?” she asked

“Candace! You wanna help?” Phineas asked

“I don’t want anything to do with your inventions.”

“Come on, Candace it’ll be fun,” Isabella pleaded. Candace hesitated.

“Fine,” she agreed, “I guess a little fun couldn’t hurt.” Ferb grinned at her as they got to work. Today was definitely gonna be a great day

Hope u liked it hehehe. It was kinda short. Sorry for the cheesy ending XD. I’m probably gonna write more after this. I kinda want to now hmmm. I’ll think about it.

[zootopiathingz]

Siblings’ Quest

Part Four: Unloved, Unwanted

June 20th, 1999

"Mommy!" Candace chirped, skipping into the kitchen to find her eight-month pregnant mother washing off plates in the sink.

Linda looked down at her rather excited daughter, a small smile appearing on her face. "Hey sweetie, whatcha got there?"

Candace proudly help up the folded paper card that she had colored with markers and decorated with stickers, glitter, and sequins. "I made Daddy his Father's Day card on the last day of school! Do you think he'll like it?" The six-year-old asked eagerly, barely keeping herself still on her feet.

Linda's smile faded as she slowly took the card from her daughter to examine it. The front had the words boldly written in green and yellow: Happy Father's Day! with a few hearts and smiley faces on the corners.

"After he gave me Ducky Momo, I think he deserves the best card ever! Don't you?" Candace asked, tilting her head with a gap-toothed grin.

Linda had no idea what to even say to her ecstatic child. She opened the card, biting her lip and forcing herself to hide a frown. Inside the card was a small paragraph—with many misspelt words and crooked letters—explaining to her father just how much he meant to her. On the other side was a drawing of two stick-figures. One was a man, tall with dark orange hair, holding hands with the shorter little girl figure. The little girl was holding a duck toy in her other hand, with the biggest grin on her circle-face.

Linda felt like crying, overwhelmed by guilt, sorrow, and weariness.

Candace took notice to her mother's expression and suddenly frowned. "Oh no, is it bad? You don't think Daddy will like it?" She asked, fidgeting with her pigtails.

"No, no it's not that, honey." Linda assured, setting the card on the counter. "It's beautiful. It's just that..."

She couldn't do it.

She couldn't tell her.

Looking at her daughter's adorable, innocent little face. That purity in her eyes. The sweetness, the gentleness. No, the truth would destroy all of that. She would tell Candace when she was older, when the innocence didn't need protecting.

"Um, your dad's away on a business trip. He won't be back for a while." She lied, nervously pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

Candace lowered her gaze, "Oh. How long will he be gone? I wanna give him his card soon while it's at least still the Father's Day month!"

Linda shook her head, "He'll be gone for a while, sweetie. But how about I mail the card to him? How does that sound?" She suggested, forcing a smile on her face.

Candace shrugged, "Um, I guess."

"Great. Now, go play outside while I find a special envelope for this, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy." Candace nodded, walking out into the backyard. She didn't seem too satisfied with the idea, but it was better than nothing.

Linda waited until she saw the little girl hopping onto the swing, then quickly walked up the stairs into her bedroom.

She pulled out a shoebox from her closet, the inside filled with jewelry, cards, letters, money, and pictures. This was a box she had to keep her daughter from finding at all costs. Sighing, she stared at the Father's Day card one last time before setting it inside, right on top of the pile of letters addressed to her. She secured the lid on the box and placed it back on the high shelf.

If she ever finds that box...Linda thought warily, then shook it away, refusing to even imagine what Candace would think of her if she did find it. No. She'll never know. Not now, not ever.

With a heavy sigh, and a heavy heart, Linda walked back down the stairs to supervise her daughter in the backyard, already deciding to get rid of that swing that her husband built.

—

April 3rd, 2003

"I wish you'd stop doing this!"

"You can't make me!"

"It's not good for you! It's not good for any of us!"

"Shut up, Lawrence! You don't control what I do!"

Ferb lifted his head up upon hearing faint but audible shouting coming from downstairs. He knew what it was, and though he knew better than to eavesdrop on his parents when they were arguing, his curiosity got the better of him.

He glanced at the old clock on his wall, and could only assume it was late at night, maybe early in the morning. He wasn't good at telling time yet, since he was only four-years-old. Pushing the quilt off of his small body, he stepped out of bed and carefully walked out of the room. He had to take tiny steps, considering the wood was old and rickety, and he didn't want his parents knowing he was awake.

He stepped over until reaching the end of the hall, where he could hear their voices getting louder as he got closer to the living room.

"You can't keep doing this, you know." Lawrence spoke, gesturing around the living area at all the used cigarettes and empty bottles. "You're ruining your mind and your body. You're going to get sick and eventually die! And you have a family to think about!"

The chubby green-haired woman merely scoffed, rolling her eyes and she lit yet another cigarette. "I don't have to do shit for you, Lawrence." She murmured with the cigarette between her teeth. "I can do whatever the fuck I want, and you're just gonna have to deal with it."

"What happened to you, darling?" Lawrence asked, shaking his head in disbelief. This was not the beautiful wife he married five years ago, this wasn't the woman he fell in love with. This was some monster of a person. He didn't know how she changed or why, but it wasn't long after their son was born that she started drinking and smoking like there was no tomorrow.

"Shit happened." She slurred, exhaling a puff of smoke in the air, causing the aroma to worsen. "You and that little crap-face happened."

Lawrence gapped at her choice of words. "Excuse me, that is our son you're talking about!" He exclaimed, utterly offended that anyone would dare talk about his little Ferb that way. "Have you no respect for the child you gave birth to?!"

"I don't give a rat's arse what that little cunt is!" She fired back, her raspy British voice echoing through the walls of the old apartment. "I don't care that he's my son, I don't care that he's however old he is, I don't care!"

"What the hell is wrong with you? How can you say that?!" Lawrence exclaimed.

The woman picked up a half-empty beer bottle and retorted, "He's a little pain in the arse! Thinking he can just get whatever he wants by begging for it! And don't get me started on that annoying voice of his! Gives me a fucking headache! I'm sick of him and I'm starting to get sick of you, too!"

"Well if that's how you feel, then leave!" Lawrence shouted, not even hesitating on his words.

This wasn't his wife. This was some bitch who took advantage of his money to buy alcohol. A woman who abused her own son and husband because she felt like it. This was truly a nightmare in reality. Lawrence didn't care if she was out of his life now. She wasn't decent enough to call herself a Fletcher.

The woman scoffed, "I'm not leaving. This is my home. You take your little shit of a child and leave!"

Lawrence was about to retaliate, but was instantly in shock when he saw his wife begin to lose it. "GET OUT OF HERE!" She yelled loudly, then threw the glass bottle at him, but thankfully, he dodged it in time, causing it to shatter against the wall.

He scoffed at her and shook his head as he walked away, "Go to hell, you bloody bitch."

Ferb shakily stepped out from the darkness, seeing his mother standing unsteadily in the living room, staring off at nothing. Her mouth hung open a bit, showing off crooked yellow teeth. Her greasy green hair was tied up in a sloppy bun, the purple dress was ripped and stained with alcohol. Her eyes were bloodshot and baggy underneath. She was the exact representation of an addict.

"Mama...?" Ferb dared to speak up, quietly and cautiously.

The woman snapped out of her little trance and looked over at the scared four-year-old. "The hell you want?" She asked, putting a hand to her hip.

Ferb opened his mouth to speak, but she quickly cut him off. "Know what, I don't wanna hear your annoying voice, anyway. Get out of here." She commanded, shooing him away with a wave of her hand.

Ferb remained still, which only increased his mother's rage. She glared at him with deadly eyes. "I said, get out of here, now!"

He took a step back, but that clearly wasn't good enough for her. She reached over and grabbed another empty bottle and screamed, "GET OUT OF HERE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" before throwing the bottle right at him.

The boy gasped and quickly made a run for it before the bottle could even reach him. He heard the louder crashing off the glass hitting the floor as he darted up the stairs and into his bedroom. He locked the door behind him and hopped into his dirty bed. Pulling the covers over himself, he began to sob hysterically.

Oh Mama, what's happened to you? Ferb wondered to himself as his body trembled under his heavy quilt. He hoped what his father said was true, that she would leave and never come back.

He didn't hate his mother, he didn't want her to leave. But he was terrified of her. He was terrified to so much as speak, because every time he even opened his mouth, all he could hear was his mother screaming at him to shut up and see her throwing glass at him to make him stop.

That was all he'd ever see from now on.

—

May 17th, 2004

Phineas carefully walked through the hallway, hesitating to even be in it considering how dark it was. It was who knows what time, and he was desperate for maternal nurturing. Eventually after what felt like forever, little Phineas pushed the cracked-open door to the master bedroom.

But only to hear the soft sound of crying.

He frowned, tilting his head as he saw his mother, sitting up in her bed with her face in her hands, weeping softly to herself.

"Mommy?" He asked softly, nearly making his mother jump.

Linda looked over, seeing it was only her four-year-old son standing in the doorway. "Oh, Phineas sweetie, you scared me." She spoke, her voice making it sound like she'd been crying for hours. "What are you doing awake at this hour?"

"I...I had a bad dream." The boy admitted, clearly frightened by whatever nightmare he had earlier.

Linda frowned, "Oh honey, it's okay. Come here." She patted the bed, signaling him to join her.

Phineas climbed up onto the mattress and crawled under the covers, laying next to his mother as she ran a hand through his bright red hair. "It's okay, sweetie. It's only a dream. It can't hurt you."

"Did you have a bad dream, too?" The boy asked, "You were crying."

Linda sniffed, wiping away her tears with the sleeve of her nightgown. "I'm fine, sweetie. Don't you worry about a thing. You just close your eyes, think happy thoughts, and go back to sleep. I'll be right here with you the whole time. I'm not gonna let anything hurt you."

"Promise?" Phineas yawned, pulling the blanket up so it covered everything except his face.

Linda nodded, kissing her son's head. "I promise."

[humanperryfic]

Everybody Needs Somebody to Love

When uncle Perry coughs up a whole flower at breakfast, Candace is understandably worried. She's also confused when she realizes that he has no plans to confess his love.

Despite having no idea what's really going on, and being told not to interfere, Candace is determined to get her uncle and his crush together.

Life might not always be a romance novel, but Candace is going to make it as close as possible.

Title from the Blues Brothers song

AO3/FF.net

TW’s for mild blood

The alarm on Candace's bedside table goes off with an obnoxious beeping noise. Candace groans and throws her arm out, attempting to silence the annoying noise. It's a teacher workday, why did she set her alarm? 

That's right, she wanted a head-start on her busting. Looking out her window, she sees Phineas and Ferb already building. Perfect. 

She rolls out of bed and pulls on her usual outfit before running a brush through her hair. Despite her sleep-deprived brain, she manages to put together a few coherent answers to Stacy's overnight texts before leaving her room.

Candace stumbles down the stairs to the kitchen, barely managing to avoid tripping over her own feet. It's early, and she was awake until almost one in the morning last night. 

The only person who's in the kitchen is uncle Perry, who's pouring himself a bowl of cereal. Good morning, he signs. 

"Morning," she grumbles, scrubbing at her eyes to rid them of the typical early-morning bleariness. "Where's mom and dad?"

Antiques convention, remember?

Candace sighs. That's right. Mom and dad are at a three-day antiques convention over the long weekend, leaving Perry in charge. Which means no busting. As long as they're safe, Perry's perfectly fine with what the boys create.

If he's ever there to see the creations. He's always getting called off for work. 

Candace pulls her mug out of the cupboard, adds a teabag, and sets it next to Perry's, waiting for the kettle to boil. She could use the caffeine.

Stacy texts her back, so she sits down at the table to answer. After she sends the message, she puts her head down on the table. It's too early for anything to happen.

Perry sits down across from her, the bowl making a soft thump against the wood. He snaps his fingers to get her attention. 

Candace pries one eye open. "mmm-yeah?"

You should eat.

She shrugs. "After tea."

Suit yourself. 

Candace lays her head back on the table. It's still way too early to think about anything.

Perry starts coughing. Candace raises an eyebrow, still not picking her head up off the table. He's been sick since her freshman year, you'd think he'd be fine by now. Or at least that he'd see a doctor. It's kind of weird.

Eh, he's always been weird. He travels all over the place for work. He says he's a sort of special cop, but never wants to talk about his job. He doesn't talk, only makes that weird chattering noise. And he's always really weird about those Hanahaki soap operas, even though they're Candace's favorite.

Still, the cough is rather strange. 

Candace opens one eye just in time to see Perry spit an entire white rose flecked with blood into the palm of his hand. 

Now fully awake, she watches as he makes a face, gets up, throws the rose into the garbage can under the sink, and starts to wash his hands, unaware of Candace's staring. 

Well, that makes sense. 

Sort of. There are still a lot of things wrong with this. 

Now that she's awake, she might as well eat breakfast. She stands up and moves to the cupboard, getting a bowl out. Setting the bowl down with a purposeful clank (it's never a good idea to startle uncle Perry), Candace turns to get the milk out of the fridge."So when were you going to tell us you had Hanahaki?"

Perry turns around, surprise painted on his face. Candace continues. "Seriously. That was an entire flower. How long have you been hiding this?"

He sighs. Almost two years. Candace gasps. Two years and she never suspected a thing? That was his mysterious sickness? "Who is it?"

Just someone I work with. 

"And you never thought to tell us."

I told your parents.

Candace pours milk into the bowl. "I guess that's something. Are you going to confess?"

He looks to the backyard, where Phineas and Ferb are starting to build, and shakes his head. I'm getting it removed in three weeks. 

Candace gapes. Removed? After two years of pain and suffering and blood covered roses? "You're just going to give up?" she asks. 

Perry shrugs and turns off the tap. He's not interested in me, what else can I do? 

"He might be. You never know." Perry raises an eyebrow as he sits back down at the table. "I mean, if Jeremy and I can get together, you and your crush can too," Candace continues. 

Life isn't a romance novel. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.

"Have you even tried?"

Like I said, he's not interested.

"I hate to suggest this, but maybe the boys could help out?"

No.

"Why not? I bet they could make your crush have feelings for you."

If it's forced, it would make it even worse.

"It's worth a shot, right?"

No, it's not.

"Really?"

Coughing up flowers isn't fun or cute. He grimaces. It's actually pretty painful.

"You're really no fun."

See, this is why I didn't want to tell anybody. At Candace's affronted look, he continues. I'm an adult, I can deal with my own feelings. If that means getting rid of them, so be it. End of story.

"But-but-but I could help too!"

Perry narrows his eyes. End of story, Candace.

Candace pours her cereal into the milk. "Fine, whatever."

Look, I know you want to help, but I'd prefer to get through the next few weeks without dying.

Candace's eyes go wide. She'd completely forgotten that people could die from Hanahaki. Once they start coughing up full flowers, they've got only a few months left without intervention. "Oh," she says, her voice now small and meek. 

It's scary, I know. Trust me when I say the surgery is the best option. 

The kettle starts to whistle, so Perry takes it off the stove and pours the hot water into their mugs. Candace sits down at the table and starts to eat. "So there's really nothing else you can do?"

Nothing I can do at this point without making it worse. I suppose if he liked me back then it would be different, but I can't influence that.

A lightbulb goes off in Candace's head. Maybe uncle Perry can't ask this guy about it...but she can. She can convince this guy that Perry would be the best boyfriend ever!

"Tell me about this guy." She'll need some information if she wants to find him. 

Well, Perry says, handing Candace her mug, he's got brown hair, blue eyes, and he's about six foot two, although he slouches. 

Perry's watch goes off, and Candace groans internally. He always has to go to work at the worst times. "What's his name?"

For a brief moment, Perry looks conflicted. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, he signs. 

"Doofenshmirtz like the mayor?"

Perry nods, drinking most of his tea in one gulp. I have to leave. 

"Evil never rests, I know." Perry smiles. "Don't worry, I'll make sure nothing explodes while you're gone."

Perry smiles. See you later.

Candace nods and waves. As soon as Perry is in the garage, she puts her bowl of cereal in the sink and darts up the stairs. She grabs her purse out of her room and puts her phone and earbuds in it. She's about to go back down the stairs when she gets another idea. 

She has a whole lot of pictures of Jeremy- and she didn't even have Hanahaki. Uncle Perry has to have a picture of his crush somewhere. That will help narrow down the search.

Carefully, she pulls her Ducky Momo 33rd Anniversary Commemorative lock pick out of her purse and picks the lock on the door to his room. She feels a little weird, but this is a love or death situation. 

The lock opens with a click, and she opens the door. 

The room is about what she expected. Neat, for the most part. There's a stack of cheesy romance novels on the bedside table, a bookmark in one. On his desk, there's a tall stack of paperwork. Several papers are stamped with Classified in red ink, but Candace ignores them. She has other things to look for. 

She opens the top drawer of the desk. Pens, sticky notes, and paper clips. The next drawer down holds envelopes, a Classified stamp, and a red ink pad. 

The bottom drawer is locked. Once again, her Ducky Momo lock pick comes in handy. 

In the drawer is what looks like a grappling hook, a strange red disk, and a green box. 

Candace picks up the grappling hook and the disk and puts them on the desk. Gingerly opening the box, she finds it stuffed full of immaculately cleaned white roses, with a few  pictures along the sides. 

She looks at the pictures first. Each one has uncle Perry with the same guy. A slouching man with brown hair and blue eyes, dressed in a lab coat. 

This must be the guy. Heinz Doofenshmirtz. 

But where would she find him? The only connection she knows is that uncle Perry works with him. 

That's it. She'll just follow uncle Perry to work. Candace puts one of the pictures and a few of the fresher roses into her purse. On second thought, she adds the grappling hook and the red disk. 

She can hear Perry's motorcycle revving in the garage. She closes the drawer, then runs out of Perry's room and down the stairs.

Candace opens the garage door and wheels her bike out. Thank god for Phineas and Ferb outfitting it with rocket boosters, she'll need them to catch up with Perry's motorcycle. 

She only makes it to the end of the driveway before she hears a very loud, scary sounding bang come from the backyard. Despite her new mission, her boys-busting senses tell her to investigate.

Nearly trampling Baljeet, she dashes to the gate and throws it open. "What was that?" she demands. 

Phineas grins. "It's our new rivet gun! Isn't it cool?"

"Pfft. It's a rivet gun. How cool can it be?"

Ferb merely rivets another piece of metal, producing a similar bang. "Very cool, Candace, very cool," Phineas says. 

"Whatever." Candace rolls her eyes and jogs back around the front of the house to her bike. She pedals down to the first stop sign before she realizes that uncle Perry is long gone by now. She'll never be able to catch up to him. 

Maybe there's another way she can find his crush. How many Doofenshmirtzes are there in Danville? This Heinz might be related to Mayor Doofenshmirtz somehow. 

Downtown Danville, here she comes. 

~~~

Candace makes it to City Hall in twenty minutes. She locks her bike to the rack outside and walks in. 

"How may I help you?" the bored-looking receptionist asks. 

"I'd like to talk to Mayor Doofenshmirtz?" Candace asks. 

"Name?"

"Candace Flynn."

"He'll be free in a few minutes. You can wait here." The receptionist points to a small waiting area. 

"Thank you," Candace says, and she sits down. 

What a day. And it's not even close to being over. 

Her phone rings. It's Jeremy. She picks it up right away. 

"Hey Jeremy," she says. 

"Hey Candace," he says. "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out later today?"

Candace thinks. Yeah, hanging out with Jeremy would be great, but she has a mission. "Sorry, but I'm doing something for uncle Perry today. I might be able to do something tomorrow, though."

Jeremy laughs. "You're such a good niece. See you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow."

"Love you."

"Love you." Candace ends the call with a click. 

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz walks in the door. "Hey Candace."

"Hi Vanessa," Candace says. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I wanted to talk to uncle Roger. He's probably busy, though. What about you?"

"I was waiting to do the same thing. Waiting to talk to the Mayor, at least. He's not my uncle."

"Really." Candace nods. "I don't know if he'll talk to you, he's always crazy busy."

Candace sighs. Maybe this lead won't work out after all. 

Except...Vanessa Doofenshmirtz. Related to Roger. Is she related to Heinz?

"So why are you here?" Vanessa asks.

Candace pulls one of the pictures out of her purse, as well as one of the roses. "My uncle Perry," she points at Perry, "has Hanahaki for this guy," she points at the other man, "Heinz Doofenshmirtz. I wanted to ask the mayor, since they have the same last name. Do you know him?"

"Know him?" Vanessa laughs. "He's my dad."

Candace's eyes grow wide. "Your dad? That's perfect! Do you know if your dad likes my uncle? Like, like-likes him?"

Vanessa looks at the flower in Candace's hand. "I'm pretty sure he does, but you'd have to ask him directly."

Another lead. Perfect. "Where is your dad?"

Vanessa shrugs. "Probably at Blueprint Heaven. He's kind of an inventor."

"Thanks so much."

"I should warn you though, he's kind of cold. He'll probably just shrug you off."

Candace shrugs. "I'm not worried."

"Okay, then good luck."

Candace jumps out of her seat. "Thanks, Vanessa. See you later." She stuffs the photo and the rose back in her purse, then walks out the door. She unlocks her bike from the rack and hops on it. Thankfully, Blueprint Heaven isn't too far. 

Her legs are burning by the time she makes it to the blueprint store. She peeks inside, watching as a slouching man with brown hair, wearing a lab coat, purchases a few blueprints. That must be him. 

As the man leaves the shop, she puts out her arm.

"Hey, watch it, kid," the man says.

"I have something to ask you," Candace says. "Are you Heinz Doofenshmirtz?"

"That's Doctor Doofenshmirtz to you. And if you're selling those Fireside Girl cupcakes, I already bought two dozen."

Candace rolls her eyes and pulls the photo out of her purse. "I want to ask you about this picture."

The man pulls out a pair of reading glasses and studies the picture. "What do you want to ask me?"

Candace points at Perry. "Do you like-like this guy?" 

"That's a rather strange question to ask, isn't it?"

"Danville's a strange place."

Dr. Doofenshmirtz shrugs. "You got me there. Y'know, he looks like this other guy I know." He points at the picture. "What's his name?"

"Perry," Candace says. 

"Really? I, uh, work with a guy named Perry. Sort of. We're like, work rivals. He's really nice though, even if he doesn't talk much." 

Candace's Busting Senses start to tingle. "I wonder if they're the same guy?"

Dr. Doofenshmirtz hums. "Maybe. It'd be just like him to be all mysterious and suave and all that." He pauses to cough into the arm of his lab coat. When he pulls his arm away, the sleeve is red and covered in petals. "Oh, come on, I just washed this one."

"You have Hanahaki?" Candace asks. "Can I see the flowers?" 

He looks at Candace funny. "I guess? They're roses, white ones." He wipes one of the petals off on his lab coat and shows it to her. "You know, I googled the meaning, and they mean young love and innocence and all that stuff. I mean, it's like the last thing I'd relate with him."

"So your soulmate is your work rival," Candace clarifies.

"Awkward, right? Man, the universe really has it out to get me."

Candace merely nods along. This...inventor has the same flower as uncle Perry. Another strange coincidence. Or is it? Is there another Heinz Doofenshmirtz in the Tri-State area?

"Listen, it was great talking with you, but I kinda have to go to work now, so..."

Candace nods. "Nice meeting you."

"Likewise," Dr. Doofenshmirtz says, and he walks off down the road. 

Hmm. Perry has Hanahaki for a guy named Heinz Doofenshmirtz that he works with. This Heinz (sorry, doctor) Doofenshmirtz has Hanahaki for a guy named Perry that he's work rivals with. Vanessa told her that her dad Heinz likes Perry, and Perry's got a picture of him with his crush Heinz.

They've got to be the same guys. 

And they must be pining over each other. 

What idiots. Uncle Perry said this was nothing like a romance novel, but it practically is.

Candace watches as Dr. Doofenshmirtz walks into the apartment building shaped like Ferb's head. The one that says Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated on its front...wait, what?

The final pieces click together. Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. Perry always says "Evil never rests" when he runs off to work. This guy mentioned that he and Perry are work rivals. Could Perry be fighting this guy for work?

No wonder Perry didn't want to get with his crush. If they're on opposite sides of the great Good and Evil debate, dynamics change.

This just got a whole lot more interesting. 

Candace is still getting them together. Secret relationships can work. 

She sizes up the apartment building. A person on a jetpack flies up to the balcony, landing and disappearing from view. That must be Perry. She runs down the street and tugs on the door of the building.

Damn it, it's one of those buildings where the residents have to buzz people in. She doesn't have time to wait around for someone to let her in. There's got to be another way.

She looks into her purse. The red disk says "Standard Issue Glider" on the bottom, with a button. Good to know, but that won't work right now. 

No, the thing she needs right now is the grappling hook. She's afraid of heights, but this will have to work. She's Candace Flynn, she can do whatever she puts her mind to. If that means grappling up the side of a forty-story building, so be it. It's worth it for love. She steps back, pulls the hook out of her purse, and aims it at the balcony. 

Thankfully, she's still wearing her bike helmet. She fires the grappling hook towards the balcony. Once it sticks, she presses the button on the side and holds on for dear life. The building flashes by in a rush of purple, then she's landing on the balcony with a thud.

It seems that nobody inside noticed her stunt. Dr. Doofenshmirtz has his back to the balcony, and uncle Perry (in a 1940's fedora) is stuck in a net. 

Yep, Good and Evil are clashing in this apartment-slash-lab.

She ducks behind a strange-looking planter. Thankfully, nobody's seen her. She needs a plan. 

Maybe she could just go up to them and tell them about each other? No, that wouldn't work. 

Throw them a paper airplane? She doesn't really have any paper, except for the photo. 

Hmm. What about the roses? Both of them have the same flower, that might spur the connection along.

She peeks around the corner. Uncle Perry and Dr. Doofenshmirtz are fighting now, sparring as if they've done it a thousand times before. Candace bites down on the inside of her cheek to keep herself from cheering. 

Uncle Perry lands one more kick, then throws his hat across the room. It hits a big red button on the side of a machine, and the machine promptly explodes. Candace ducks to protect herself from the flying bits of metal. 

However, instead of leaving, uncle Perry goes to help Dr. Doofenshmirtz up. They move to another part of the lab, where a small kitchen is. Dr. Doofenshmirtz pours them both glasses of water, handing one to uncle Perry.

Now's the time.

Candace carefully sneaks out of her hiding place. She pulls one of the roses out of her purse, aims, and throws. As soon as the flower leaves her hand, she ducks back behind the wall. After a second, she peeks back around the corner. 

Both uncle Perry and Dr. Doofenshmirtz have tried to cover up the rose, thinking it's their own. They both look away from each other. Even from across the way, Candace can tell how flustered Perry's gotten.

She watches as uncle Perry says something, signing much faster than usual. She thinks she catches the signs for "Hanahaki", "love" and "rose", although it's hard to tell from this far away.

He finishes what he has to say and drops his hands into his lap. For twelve seconds (vintage Ducky Momo Awkward Silence Timer), nothing happens. 

Then Dr. Doofenshmirtz grabs uncle Perry's tie, pulls him in, and kisses him. 

It's all Candace can do to hold back a squeal. 

When they part, neither make eye contact for six and a half seconds. Then Perry signs something, making Dr. Doofenshmirtz laugh. Perry leans up and places a short kiss on Dr. Doofenshmirtz's lips. Both men grin broadly.

Yeah, uncle Perry's going to be alright. 

Candace pulls another one of the roses out of her purse and throws it at the couple, not bothering to hide this time. This one bounces off the back of Perry's head, causing him to look over at the balcony.  

"Enjoy your romance novel ending," she shouts, a broad smile nearly splitting her face in two. Perry gets up from the counter and starts over towards her, a look of shock painted over his face. Candace merely pulls the red disk out of her purse, presses the button on the bottom, and watches as it expands into a red hang glider. 

She winks and salutes, then kicks off the ledge to glide off the balcony. 

As she glides over Danville, she grins. And uncle Perry said it wouldn't work out. Well, she just proved him wrong. 

Something on the glider starts to beep. A tinny voice emanating from a hidden speaker starts to talk. "Warning. Unauthorized use of OWCA tech. Returning to base."

Well, it was fun while it lasted. Candace attempts to let go of the glider as it nears the ground, but cuffs clamp down around her wrists. A rocket engine pops out of the back and steers her in an unknown direction.

Fifteen minutes later, she finds herself in an underground bunker, being stared down by a man with an intimidating mustache and a scrawny intern with a camera. Uncle Perry stands in the background, his hands in his pockets and the beat-up fedora from earlier on his head.

The man with the mustache starts to speak. "Do you know what you've done?'

"I just saved uncle Perry's love life?" she guesses. Behind the intern, Perry shakes his head. Candace can see the amused smile on his face. 

The mustached man sighs. "Not quite. Your uncle Perry is actually a top OWCA agent, and as such, his identity must be kept completely secret." Candace considers this. A secret agent, huh? That certainly explains the grappling hook and the hang glider. 

Man, being a secret agent would be so cool. 

"Candace Flynn," as you have compromised Agent P's position, your memory is going to be wiped."

"What, there's nothing else you can do?"

The intern speaks up. "We could relocate him to another continent, and you'd never see him again." Candace's eyes go wide, and she shakes her head. "Yeah, we figured you'd like the memory wipe option better."

"Anything else you'd like to say, Ms. Flynn?" the mustached man asks. 

Candace thinks for a second. "I don't know, I think uncle Perry owes me something."

For a brief second, Perry looks confused. Then he smiles knowingly. Thank you, Candace. 

"You're welcome. Now, hit me."

The green ray hits her square in the face, and her mind goes fuzzy.

~~~

Candace steps off the bus. Finally, the last day of school. Phineas and Ferb are throwing a party, and for some odd reason, she doesn't even want to bust them for it. 

(That reason has nothing to do with the fact that Jeremy will be there. Nope, nothing at all.)

She runs up the stairs to her backpack down in her room, then runs back out into the backyard. 

Phineas and Ferb have already set up rides, food, and of course, live music. Perks of middle school- they get out earlier.

Already, most of the neighborhood has shown up. It's starting to look like it's going to end up being a big block party. 

Under the tree in the backyard, uncle Perry and some guy in a lab coat are talking. This must be his boyfriend. When Perry sees Candace, he waves her over. 

Candace, I'd like you to meet someone very special to me.

[wildshadowtamer]

A Different Path (What If?) Ch. 6

Summary: Perry the platypus had been unemployed for three weeks now, jumping between hanging out with the girls, and helping Phineas and Ferb make inventions.

However, one sunny day, Phineas gets a brilliant idea for Perry's future career.

And Perry is more than willing to try it.

Tags (Chapter Specific): Alternate Universe - Evil

Tags (Fic General):  Ducky Momo - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Character Death, car crash, burn scars, burn victim, Fluff and Angst, warning: this fic is dark, especially the first chapter, Inspired by Fanfiction, Based on a Tumblr Post, AU, what if au, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Mentions of car crashes, Past Child Abuse, mentions of child abuse, mentions of child abandonment, Family Fluff, Fluff, Violence, Attempted Murder, Attempted Child Murder, Blood, Alternate Universe - Evil

Notes: credit to @woulddieforperrytheplatypus on tumblr for encouraging me to write this fic! Just in case, a TW for brief mention of animal injury.

Rating: Mature

Read It On Ao3

or

Read It Here!

~~~~

15th August, 2006. 11am.

“I got it!” Phineas exclaimed, jerking his head up to look at Perry mid-way through building his and ferb’s daily invention. Perry tilted his head and gave a confused chitter “I know what job you can do!” The boy explained, Perry raised his eyebrows in curiosity

“You can work with dad!” Phineas nearly threw up his arms, but Ferb stopped him and pointed to the wrench in the boy’s hand, which had nearly hit the green-haired boy in the face “Oh, sorry Ferb”

Perry mulled over Phineas’ words, working with Heinz actually sounds pretty good, in his opinion. But what will the agents think? Will they really want to fight an ex-colleague? OWCA’s former best agent, no less?

He realised that if he’s going to be evil, it won’t matter if the agents disapprove, they’d be the enemy. Perry smiled, thinking about working side by side with Heinz, his best friend, and possibly his brothers if they ever get an interest in evil.

Perry paused at the latter, maybe Phineas and Ferb getting into evil isn’t such a good idea, their smart, but sometimes too smart for their own good.

“So, what do you think?” Phineas asked, jolting Perry from his train of thoughts, the former agent nodded and passed a note to him 

I’ll try it out. Thanks, Phin.

15th August 2006. 2pm.

After Perry helped the boys build their daily invention, he found Heinz on the balcony, looking at the city. 

A chitter made Heinz turn his head to look at the platypus “Ah! Perry, how are the boys?” he asked, leaning against the balcony railing, Perry lifted himself up onto it to sit beside the evil scientist. He grabbed the notepad from Heinz’ labcoat pocket, and found a fresh page to write his thoughts onto.

Heinz, i want to join you.

It hardly conveyed his emotion, but it got the message across well enough. Heinz stared at the note for a moment, surprised, before looking up at Perry. “You...you want to join me?” he asked, almost lost for words. Perry nodded and jotted down a second sentence

Heinz, i want to join you.

Yes, in evil. I want to be your assistant. It’s a risky move, but if OWCA wants to stop us, they’ll have to send an agent out, and they’ll have to go through the both of us.

Now Heinz was lost for words, automatically handing the note back, which Perry wrote on again, this time at the very bottom of it. 

I trust you.

Heinz smiled softly and hugged Perry, his soft smile growing into a cheerful grin, and he started giggling “Of course you can join me! Oh we’re going to be the best villain duo ever!”

Perry chittered happily and relaxed in his owner’s arms, the stress of thinking about work finally gone. 

“Hm, we should build your inator today! We can use it tomorrow for our scheme! You got any ideas?” Heinz explained, putting Perry back on the railing

It took Perry a minute to think, but he eventually snapped his fingers and nodded

Heinz, i know what we’re gonna do today.

7 hours later

Perry put down the blueprints and stretched, making an exhausted chittering noise. He and Heinz had been working on this Inator for 7 entire hours, only stopping for dinner and water breaks.

“Well,” Heinz got up and stretched, “i think we’re about done for the night, what about you? You are the mastermind behind this baby!” Heinz patted the -Inator, which clanged loudly, making both men wince.

Perry nodded and started putting the tools back in their proper places, being particularly careful as there were screws and bolts on the floor. He had already cut up his feet on the glass shards 4 weeks ago during the Dennis incident, and he doesn't fancy cutting himself on a nail or any other small metallic object.

“I’ll put the kids to sleep, it’s getting close to their bedtime and i know they have a big invention planned for tomorrow. Something about teaching monkey’s how to juggle? I’m not sure.” Heinz mused, hanging his labcoat on the wall and ruffling Perry’s head fur before disappearing downstairs to the apartment.

Perry smiled to himself as he cleaned up, looking proudly at his first ever Inator, which came out far better than he expected it to. He half-expected it to blow up before it could even be used, but so far it was in pretty good shape.

However, Perry wasn’t sure he could do 7 hour builds again. He’ll leave that part to Heinz, he’s always been better at writing anyway.

Which reminded him of a project he meant to work on a while ago. He jotted it down in his notepad and completely forgot about it until now. He’ll work on it tomorrow, for now, he’s too tired to care, thinking more about climbing into bed and ignoring the world for atleast 8 hours. He swears, if he gets woken up before 9am one more time, he’s putting a padlock on his door.

[themurphyzone]

104 Words for 104 Days: Writer

Candace says she wrote a fanfic of Thor and Hulk learning to ice skate in Mission Marvel. That is literally the only line I remember from that special XD. Sorry in advance for any inaccuracies. I don’t know anything about Avengers. They don’t appear in person here though. 

Candace groaned, her head smacking painfully against the keyboard as the construction noise outside drilled its way into her brain. As if she wasn’t having enough issues trying to decide on the type of cookies that Ducky Momo and the Incredible Hulk would bake in her fanfic.

Chocolate chip and sugar cookies were alright, but slightly basic. Spiderman had a peanut allergy. Nobody except Lawrence liked oatmeal and raisin.

“C’mon, Mom bakes cookies practically every day!” Candace muttered. “It shouldn’t be that hard to come up with something!”

A loud crash from outside told her that it would be extremely hard to come up with something.

Growling to herself, Candace jumped to her feet and yanked up her window. She spotted Phineas by the gate, waving glowsticks to guide the delivery men who were bringing in boxes of old sci-fi tech.  

“Hey, aren’t you a little young to have the money needed for space travel?” one of the delivery guys asked as Phineas signed his name on the form.

“Yes. Yes, he is,” his coworker sighed, accepting the paper from Phineas. “What did I tell you questioning things in this city, Tom?”

Tom gulped, tugging on his collar nervously. “Never question logic unless you want anthropomorphic animals to drag you into the ice cream truck and replace you with a robot.”

“Exactly. Now come on. We’ve got ten boxes of almond brittle, several pet carriers, and a yodeling kit to deliver to a Mr. Doofyshirt or something.”

“Good luck!” Phineas shouted as the delivery guys left the backyard. He turned to Ferb, who was hammering away at a rivet on the nose of a half-finished rocket. “Like I was saying before, we’ll stop by the Shooting Star Milkshake Bar first and see if any of the customers are willing to be extras-“

“PHINEAS!” Candace shouted, drawing his attention. “Just what are you up to at-“ she glanced at the analog clock numbly, trying to remember how to read it “-nine and the long hand pointing at the second mark between three and four?”

“Oh, we’re just making a Space Adventure on-location fan film production. With real aliens. And Buford’s directing,” Phineas pointed to the bully, who lounged in a director’s chair while ordering Baljeet to bring him random props.

“Buford? I thought he was a Finkie,” Candace said.  

“I AM,” Buford shouted through his megaphone. “AND THEN I EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED WITH THE CYGNIANS AND THEIR WARMONGERING CULTURE. BALJEET, BRING ME THE GLARFIAN BLASTER.”

Baljeet shrieked, covering his ears as the megaphone blasted in his face. “It’s the Glarfian disruptor! Disruptors and blasters are two completely different weapon classes!”

“They both shoot lasers! Does it really matter?”

“ARGH! Do you even realize what would happen if I took you to a Space Adventure trivia tournament and you claim that disruptors and blasters are the same thing? The other Speckies would force you to wear the Dodecahedron of Shame! That is not something I would wish on the worst bully!”

“What about Irving’s older brother?”

Baljeet scratched his head in thought. “Okay, maybe him. He deserves it.”

Candace coughed. “As much as I love listening to conversations where I only understand every other word, I’ve got a fanfic to write and I can’t do that while you’re doing something bustable!”

She shut the window before Phineas had a chance to respond.

The construction noise resumed as she returned to her laptop.

Where was she again? Shopping antics since Hulk couldn’t handle a bag of flour without ripping it, Ducky Momo mixing dry ingredients…right, she still couldn’t figure out the type of cookies they were baking.

She glanced out the window again. Her brothers were almost through with the preparations and would be taking off any second now.

Her phone was within reach, but she shook her head and went back to her screen, fingers poised over the keys.

No to white chocolate, macadamia, fudge, rocket…wait, that’s not a cookie!

Unable to resist the urge, she called Linda.

“Mom!” Candace yelled. “Phineas and Ferb are planning to shoot a fanmade film in space!”

There was some angry grumbling in the background. “Candace, while that sounds adorable, I’m in the middle of baking class and the chef doesn’t like phone calls interrupting his lecture. These notes on cinnamon to sugar ratios in snickerdoodle cookies aren’t going to write themselves-“

“Snickerdoodles! Mom, that’s it! Have I ever told you how much I love you?”

“Usually when you want something, but yes.”

Candace typed quickly, incorporating snickerdoodles where she could. And then she realized one crucial detail.

“They never bought cinnamon! How are they supposed to make snickerdoodles without cinnamon?”

She slammed her head against the keyboard. Back to square one, as always.

[everydayautisticheadcannons]

Candace Flynn Fletcher from Phineas and Ferb is autistic. I mean so are her brothers and Doofensmirtz but I don’t see a lot of headcannons about her.

-She perseverates. Specifically about about her brothers and wanting her mom to find their inventions. She also sometimes perseverates about Jeremy. I think it could be interpreted that the writers are just stereotyping teenage girls. Except if you compare Candace’s behavior to all the other teenage girls in the Phineas and Ferb universe they don’t behave like Candace at all.

-She stims. Mostly with words and sounds. She often makes sounds when distressed. She also vibrates and moves her body.

-She uses echolalia. (But But But. You’re busted. Etc.)

-She scripts. She also really seems to social script. I’ve noticed this more recently when watching the show. Her naming rules to her brothers and telling on them to her mom seems to be her social scripting what she thinks a sister is supposed to act like. Also sometimes social scripts expressions. An example of this is in the episode Mission Marvel. Where she repeatedly wants to help her brothers. She keeps pushing buttons and says it’ll work this time because third times the charm. Also the way she interacts with Vanessa and Stacy seem to be an example of this as well.

-She hyper fixates.

- She has difficulty listening to and understanding others.

-Poor volume control.

-Wants to help but doesn’t know how. Again mission marvel is a good example of this.

-Special interests: ducky momo, super heroes, music(specifically tiny cow boy), later one her of si’s becomes law.

-strong moral code and values

-very observant but typically when it pertains to her interests

Please add anything if I’ve left something out!

[noddytheornithopod]

Okay, here’s my full thoughts on the Phineas and Ferb effect, SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT:

My feelings are growing increasingly mixed. I want to make it clear that I DID enjoy the episode despite the language barrier, and it’s likely many issues I have could be fixed when we get English subtitles, but given how a lot of stuff was handled, I’m not sure how much is gonna be fixed. I mean, many people who watched the Russian dub of AYA didn’t change opinions at all when the English version finally came out. Time for specifics:

- Okay I know what you’re all wondering: how did I feel about Isabella’s appearance? My feelings are like the episode overall, mixed. When I saw her and the Fireside Girls show up to rescue the others I was pretty happy, and seeing her turned into a Pistachion now turned against Phineas and Ferb was quite terrifying. But then... I started to think. I don’t really have an issue with the fact her role was absurdly small (apparently Bradley has more lines lol), I mean based on the promos I was expecting it to be so. My issue was more how poorly integrated into the story she was.

Like, I can see an early version of the episode with her being with Buford and Baljeet (you know, what I thought was the most logical way to go :V), but then they wrote themselves into a corner with Phineas, Ferb, Milo and co being captured and someone needed to get them out. Ergo, Isabella was then written to go guerilla with the Fireside Girls (which does make sense at least) and then show up to untie them and drop off the Milo mech.

Like I said, in-universe this is all perfectly logical. My issue is how Isabella was basically just there to be a plot device, not only that but what is basically a deus ex machina to free the others. She did her plot things, and then all she was there for was to be transformed and brainwashed into a pistachion minion. And then after she becomes herself again, she doesn’t show up with the other friends at the end, which I find pretty weird. Like, okay, Isabella didn’t get to meet the MML characters properly so I can see the reasoning I guess, but it still felt odd that now things were normal she wasn’t hanging out with them? I guess Fireside Girl duties call for a report on the nut people invasion or something lol. Or the rift between her and Phineas is already beginning, cue Act Your Age music.

- SPEAKING OF DEUS EX MACHINAS... I don’t know if they set this up in any dialogue, but I kinda doubt it. But anyway... Professor Time. Besides some things I’ll get to in a bit, the way he resolved everything was my least favourite thing about the ep. Like, he literally just shows up at the end, picks up Orton and takes him back to 1965 to kill Derek. And like... if he was going to do that anyway, does this mean if nobody did anything and Orton just needed to be sent back to his time, everything was basically pointless? Like, I REALLY hope there’s dialogue clarifying this, because if Professor Time just shows up and goes and kills Derek with Orton anyway, it basically renders the episode pointless, which is pretty unfortunate.

This isn’t something I thought about at first, but it’s also pretty weird that we have such major information about Doofenshmirtz being dropped here after his show? Others have better articulated thoughts on this than I do, but it’s pretty odd. I think it was described to me like it was instead about this persona Doofenshmirtz has invented for himself instead of Doof himself.

- Probably the main thing I was initially disappointed with at first was Candace. At first everything seemed fine. I’ve seen some concern over whether she was in character, but so far everything seemed fine to me. Well, until she was captured. Then she was suddenly gone in the final act, only there to be tied up and turned into a pistachion. Like, the scenes with Candace and Milo seem great already, but then suddenly she’s not important. She’s basically THE main character of PnF, and she’s a complete non-presence in the final act. I forget if she even had any lines there. And like Isabella, she doesn’t show up with the others at the end, except with her it makes sense for her to since she got to know the others.

Seriously, she appears and is in the plot, but then suddenly she doesn’t even matter. It’s so messily written. I’ve been discussing her with other people too and they also find it odd that she didn’t really have much agency in the plot, which is probably because we’re used to her being a protagonist, she’s always there with her own strong plot or character arc for the episode while here she’s merely a supporting character. This isn’t her story, sure, but she doesn’t exactly get to do much here in terms of actual plot contribution even if she did suggest weaponsing Murphy’s Law. I also looked at reactions where she didn’t feel too in-character, and while I disagree with the idea overall, I do see that because she’s now a supporting character her defining traits aren’t really there? As a result, the lack of character focus means we don’t get to explore much of how she feels about this, which I guess people find off because she’s such a strong character who always has some major reactions to things. I felt like her pessimism towards Milo made sense, and I mean overall I didn’t think Candace was OOC, but I think it’s more that she was just given such a minor role compared to what she’s used to that she didn’t get much time to shine beyond the Milo interactions.

Also... her introduction was eh. I did like the shadow gag and I get she was focused on her phone and stuff, but it felt pretty random for her to just show up unassuming of anything going on (I mean, everything is fucking decaying around her lol). Also... Ducky Momo Go. It was such a serious “HOW DO YOU DO FELLOW KIDS?” moment.

- Say, speaking of “HOW DO YOU DO FELLOW KIDS?”... Baljeet dabbing. I have no words. BALJEET FUCKING DABBING. WHAT EVEN WAS THAT?

- Baljeet and Buford are... interesting. Baljeet was probably one of the better handled character in my eyes actually. Like, he wasn’t too big, but it made sense for a character like him. He had memorable moments interacting with Zack and Melissa (and... THAT), and he actually contributed to the plot by helping figure out how to do the whole Milo mech thing. I definitely want to hear his dialogue for sure. Buford on the other hand was completely pointless narrative wise. He was just there because we gotta have all the main Phineas and Ferb characters so we can have our big reunion and then make him an evil brainwashed nut dude in the climax.

- Alongside Candace the other PnF character I feel really got screwed over was Perry. Again, he shows up and is great (even if I was surprised how short his time with Milo was) and is there doing stuff, but then suddenly he’s sideline to the point of basically not even existing. When they go to the island, I forget if he’s even there. Doof could’ve used his company I feel. :V And again in the final act, he’s only there briefly and then is irrelevant once Phineas sees him. Like, he just shows up, beat up some pistachions, Phineas sees him and then he and Diogee disappear from the episode. We really could’ve used your help against Derek and his machine, Perry. :V And yeah, Diogee is similar. He just is there for a bit and disappears from the episode.

- The Island of Lost Dakotas reveal is something I’m going to have to wait on. The stuff we saw seemed good enough, but I’m definitely going to need the English dialogue to make a true judgement. I’ll say this though: I’m not sure if this was the right place to have this reveal. We didn’t get much time exploring Cavendish’s reaction before they got the Dakotas as their army to fight the pistachions, I feel like Cavendish discovering the island is something that deserves its own episode focused on it. In general Cavendish and Dakota were good though.

- Phineas and Ferb were mostly fine I feel. I did see some saying Ferb’s role felt minor, but I felt like he was at least there enough (and to be fair being the quiet one he’s also had this situation before, like in AT2D). That English clip where he says “nutjobbers” just feels off to me though. Like, besides Baljeet, they were actually there doing stuff and had a presence in the story. Milo worked as well I think overall, given he’s the protagonist and such. I did like what we saw of their interactions, and of course the idea of using positive PnF energy to weaponise Milo’s negative energy was really cool.

- Zack and Melissa are kind of a Buford and Baljeet situation. Melissa was there enough to warrant her presence and she was doing stuff, but Zack didn’t really have much of a presence. It wasn’t as bad as Buford, but he didn’t really have anything to do. Where Melissa and of course Zack fail though is the final act - they’re the other main characters alongside Milo in Milo Murphy’s Law, and like Candace their presence was barely there. They didn’t really do anything relevant in the final act after being freed except joining the brainwashed nut people horde. They at least were there at the end, but still I’m not exactly satisfied with their roles in the episode.

- All of the other characters were fine even if they were minor I guess. Minor characters are gonna be minor, lol.

- Most of the gags I caught despite the language barrier were funny. As said, I still enjoyed the episode even if I found its handling of the characters quite botched.

- The music department was good, I can’t wait to hear both Baljeet’s version of Chop Away at my Heart and the Orton and Doof duet. I liked the scoring too, some themes I did recognise from earlier PnF and MML material but some stuff seemed new, I’m not sure if I heard the rock score during the pistachion battle before (around when pnf and milo get the mech and derek is turning their friends into pistachions).

- Animation was fine, I guess? Some stuff looked a bit off but it might have just been lighting or a low budget. I think some of the closer details may be off but I’m not here to nitpick, I didn’t find anything super distracting.

- I think the issues with the characters and plotting are down to one big factor: it’s a crossover trying to cram too much into 44 minutes, that and also meant to resolve story arcs from Season 1 of Milo Murphy’s Law. They wanted to do this big special where all of the PnF and MML characters get to play off each other, but we unfortunately didn’t seem to get much of that (though maybe English dialogue will remedy that). Instead of actually getting to compare and contrast the characters and themes of the show, they had to focus on the plot to resolve the pistachion storyline (a plot solved by a deus ex machina no less). As a result, we get something that’s more plot driven than character driven, which is not what a crossover should be.

Also, this only really confirms my fears about Milo Murphy’s Law being stuck in Phineas and Ferb’s shadow. After seeing something that was this messily written despite being enjoyable, I definitely think Milo Murphy’s Law crossed over with Phineas and Ferb too soon. I don’t feel like they absolutely needed Phineas and Ferb in this storyline, not when they didn’t really get to explore the themes and characters of the respective shows. It’s like they were pushed to have the crossover too early despite always intending to have both shows in the same universe, and thus we get something where the PnF characters are here simply because they have to be instead of it feeling more natural.

Simple things that I think would’ve made it work better? If they had to do the pistachion storyline, give us less characters. It feels so all over the place and imbalanced. I would’ve been fine with just Phineas, Ferb and Candace in the A-plot to be honest. Less awkward spreading out thinly and more time devoted to the central characters of each show. But to be honest... I feel like a crossover shouldn’t have been plot driven like this. The characters here had to resolve a complex plot instead of getting most of their time to be themselves. They could still have some event to generate conflict of course, but it should be something where the characters interacting gets focus and they drive the story instead of it being something where they have to serve a plot first and all of that comes second.

Also I think it should be acknowledged: like Act Your Age (which I feel has shockingly similar parallels to this situation), I think hype backlash is certainly a possibility in how I feel. Like I’m not gonna lie, I am disappointed. Still though, even if it’s a factor, the fact that I’m able to pinpoint the issues I have so easily instead of it just being a vague emotional reaction is a shame.

[wildshadowtamer]

A Different Path (What If?) Ch 4.5

Summary: Perry celebrates his first christmas as family with the kidsNothing could ruin this day, Perry was sure of it.

Tags (Chapter Specific): Fluff, Family Fluff

Tags (Fic General): Ducky Momo - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Character Death, car crash, burn scars, burn victim, Fluff and Angst, warning: this fic is dark, especially the first chapter, Inspired by Fanfiction, Based on a Tumblr Post, AU, what if au, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Mentions of car crashes, Past Child Abuse, mentions of child abuse, mentions of child abandonment, Family Fluff, Fluff

Notes: Credit to woulddieforperrytheplatypus for encouraging me to write this fic! This half-chapter is pure, pure fluff.

Rating (Fic General): Teen And Up Audiences

Read It On Ao3

or

Read It Here!

~~~~

25th December, 2004

“IT’S CHRISTMAS!” Phineas cheered, throwing himself onto Heinz and hitting 5 organs all at once, Heinz made a pained groan as he stirred awake, looking over at Perry, who was standing in the doorway with a coffee, looking rather smug, a santa hat placed on his head.

“Curse you, Perry the platyp-” He was cut off by Ferb, Candace, and Vanessa landing on all his organs like an overly excited pet. He sighed and gave up trying to curse his nemesis.

“And i thought one kid doing that was bad” Heinz remarked, lightly pushing the kids off him so he could actually get up, the kids swarmed around him like a bunch of playful pups until Perry eventually herded them to the table for breakfast.

Heinz smiled fondly and got ready for the christmas morning. No matter how evil he considers himself, he promised Vanessa he’ll never be evil enough to ruin christmas. And he intends on keeping that promise.

“Alright, i’m here” Heinz waved to the kids tiredly as he glanced into the kitchen, Perry was cooking up some eggs and bacon, like he normally does if Heinz wakes up late.

“Dad! Dad!” Phineas tugged excitedly on Heinz’ arm “Can we open the presents yet?” he asked, Heinz swore he could see stars in Phineas’ eyes.

He chuckled “Not yet, Phineas, breakfast first. Sit back down” Phineas whined and puppy-eyed, but Heinz stood his ground and put the energetic 5 year old back in his seat, sitting down too.

After a few minutes, Perry whistled to get his family’s attention, and brought out the food, Ferb and Candace dug in once grabbing their share, but Phineas and Vanessa went between eating and excitedly talking about how amazing the city looked in the winter. Heinz had to agree, the city was beautiful in the snow, especially once the christmas decorations were put up. 

You could never find anything like this in Drusselstein. While christmas was actually pretty good in that old town, there were never many decorations, a few christmas garden gnomes joined him in the front garden at night, but that was about it. Heinz mentally shuddered at that memory, the horrid cold of the night, freezing his skin even through the thick gnome clothes.

A faint memory of the ocelots flickered through his brain, but he pushed it back. He never wants to remember those days. He never wants to go through that again.

Perry snapped his fingers infront of Heinz’ face, pulling him back into the present. “Oh, Did i space out again? Sorry, you know how i am about winter.” He apologised, quickly focusing on eating, and ignoring the faintly concerned look that crossed Perry’s face for a moment.

“Can we open presents now dad? Please?” Phineas begged Heinz after breakfast, who gave in to the young boy’s puppy-dog eyes “Oh alright, go ahead” He smiled fondly and ruffled the redhead’s hair, the kids cheered and ran over to the giant christmas tree placed in the corner of the living room.

The family took turns opening presents as Perry put a long video of crackling fire on the tv, getting dragged into the present sharing by Phineas, who excitedly handed him a box, messily hand-wrapped

Perry took the box and opened it with some trouble, then softly lifted the gift from its container “Candace helped me make it” Phineas explained as Perry looked, awestruck, at his gift. In his hands was an open locket in the shape of his webbed footprint, separate pictures of him and the boys the first year they met were placed on each section of the locket, Perry’s picture placed in the middle.

“Do you like it?” Phineas asked, looking worried as Perry teared up, and jumping a bit when Perry pulled him into a tearful hug. 

Perry pulled his notepad from his santa hat, and shakily wrote a message, starting to smile through his tears 

I love it. Thank you so much.

His family looked at the note, and smiled, pulling the crying agent into a big family hug. “To Perry’s first christmas as family!” Heinz announced happily, holding his kids close, the kids giggled and repeated their father, making Perry cry even more.

There’s not a single thing in this world that could ruin this day.

[wildshadowtamer]

A Different Path (What If?) Ch 5

Summary: Perry came back from a non-heinz-related mission, covered in soot and quite out of breath, he expected to just spend a few hours doing paperwork, but when he logged into his profile, he saw something sickening.

Here is the story of why Perry hates OWCA.

Tags (Chapter Specific): Violence, Attempted Murder, Attempted Child Murder, Blood

Tags (Fic General): Ducky Momo - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Character Death, car crash, burn scars, burn victim, Fluff and Angst, warning: this fic is dark, especially the first chapter, Inspired by Fanfiction, Based on a Tumblr Post, AU, what if au, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Mentions of car crashes, Past Child Abuse, mentions of child abuse, mentions of child abandonment, Family Fluff, Fluff, Violence, Attempted Murder, Attempted Child Murder, Blood

Notes: Credit to @woulddieforperrytheplatypus for encouraging me to write this fic! TW for violence, attempted murder, attempted child murder, and blood

Rating: Mature

Read It On Ao3

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Read It Here!

~~~~

July 18th, 2006

Perry came back from a non-heinz-related mission, covered in soot and quite out of breath, his entire body aching from the fight against 4 goons at once. He stumbled into his lair below D.E.I and collapsed tiredly onto his chair in front of his giant movie-like monitor, he sighed with a chittering noise and pulled the chair closer to the keyboard.

Then he remembered that he would likely need to do paperwork for arresting the villain he was up against, and likely file a mission report and summarize everything that happened. He laid his head on the desk and silently wished for something to happen so he could avoid it, but he knew there was no escaping endless paperwork, and so he turned on his monitor and clicked into his agent file.

Just as he was about to make a new mission report, he spotted something unusual on his file, a hazard sign flickering on his boys’ family file. Thats strange, did something happen while he was at work?

He puts his phone back on noise, as its usually on silent when he’s on missions, and checks his texts. No recent texts from Heinz.

He clicked into Phineas and Ferb’s file warily, the boys, as of last year, had started making amazing inventions and fun creations near daily in the summer and winter, and working on simple projects in the school months. Recently they had been making some admittedly extreme projects, including 3d printing monkeys and teaching them how to ride a unicycle, Perry still isn’t too sure how they cleaned it up before Charlene, Heinz’ ex-wife, saw it.

However, what Perry saw in the files made his fur stand on end; Each of their inventions had been logged and dated, each with a threat level, ranging from safe green to deadly red.

Threat Level? Their not even double digits, how could they be a threat to anyone except the laws of reality!?

Perry quickly scrolled to the most recent addition, today’s creation, which was apparently an ice cream machine gone wrong, and a few wrong wires turned it into a death ray. Perry nervously glanced to the glaring red threat level on screen, he checked the notes to make sure nobody got hurt.

Notes:

Death Ray was set off and hit a tree close to the house, but no person or animal was harmed. However, I still believe these boys to be a threat, no matter their age. Villains only make more villains.

Perry chittered angrily to himself at the notes, his hands shaking as he checked who had been logging the inventions; an older agent Perry was close to, Dennis The Rabbit. He had actually been Perry’s mentor back when he was a pup. 

But, if he was so close to perry, why would he call Phineas and Ferb ‘threats’ and ‘villains’? Their just kids who made a harmless mistake!

He shook his head and took a breath, death rays are no harmless mistake, no matter the result. He’ll have to have a serious talk with the whole family about wiring safety and double checking their work.

As he mentally rehearsed his lecture, he spotted a note added to the main file of the boys, and his thoughts screeched to a terrified halt.

Set to be ‘silenced’ at 5:00pm sharp, on D.E.I balcony by Agent Dennis The Rabbit

‘Silenced’? That can’t be good. Perry’s heart raced as he checked the time; 4:58. He still had time. He didn’t bother shutting down his monitor as he ran from his lair and grabbed his jetpack, making a beeline for the balcony before Dennis could get there.

He saw the boys building on balcony, unharmed and safe, and perry nearly relaxed, but he noticed a red-band fedora peeking over the lip of the open roof, and time slowed significantly.

Perry had to choose an option fast, either tackle Dennis and risk hitting the boys, or grab the boys and risking getting hit with it himself. He made up his mind, and silently begged Heinz to forgive him. 

A bright laserbeam of light shot down from the roof, aiming right at the boys, but Perry swooped down and grabbed a sheet of metal, throwing himself infront of Phineas and Ferb to deflect the laser, which bounced back and narrowly missed Dennis’ hat.

“Perry?” Phineas asked, but Perry was too focused, he grabbed the two by the wrist and shoved them inside as Dennis parachuted down from the roof and glared at Perry.

Neither needed to talk in animal tounge to know the other’s intent, both wanted to harm, but wanted to harm very, very different people.

Dennis gave a cocky smile and took his parachute off, letting it fall to the balcony floor as the two agents sized eachother up, standing only 6 feet apart.

The distance was shortly broken as Dennis tackled Perry to the floor, punching him hard across the face as the platypus grabbed him by the neck and flipped them both over so Perry was pinning Dennis. 

It became a raging battle of tooth and claw, blood splattering on their furs as they wrestled on the ground, and Perry nearly caught Dennis with his ankle barbs, but restrained himself enough to throw the smaller agent across the balcony and through the glass windows seperating the balcony from the apartment.

Glass shattered everywhere, catching Perry in the arm as the entire window crumbled to the ground in shards, but Perry didn’t care. He was struggling to stay steady, he knew if he let go of his restraint that he would kill the admittedly weaker agent. His venom could kill a lot of animals, but he knews his family would miss him if he was sent to jail, or worse, the pound.

Still, he ran across the shattered glass, ignoring the pain in his webbed feet, and grabbed Dennis by the front of the scruff, punching him square in the face mid-action jump. Dennis went limp, knocked out cold from the punch.

“Perry the Platypus, what’s going on in here-” Heinz stopped in his tracks as he looked between the two bloody agents, one unconscious and the other wielding a near-murderous glare, and the shattered window behind them. 

Perry simply held up his clawed paws and signed “O-W-C-A”

Heinz pulled a notepad from his labcoat pocket and handed it to Perry “what did OWCA do? And why is an agent on my floor? The boys said you pushed them inside without a hello.” The scientist explained, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously

It took a few minutes, but Perry eventually shoved a series of notes into Heinz’s hands, and walked over to his jetpack on the balcony, which he had abandoned as he grabbed the metal sheet.

OWCA planned to ‘silence’ the boys with some sort of laser, they didn’t tell me. Dennis was the one to shoot them, but i got in the way and deflected it just in time. The -inator is on the roof. I’ll explain the rest later, right now i have someone to talk to.

“Someone to talk to? But perry, your inju-” Heinz stopped as he watched Perry fly away anyway, apparently uncaring of his injuries. Heinz was mad, thats for sure, but not just mad at OWCA. He was mad at, and quite disappointed in, himself.

If he had just kept an eye on the boys or brought them inside when he went to check on Candace & Vanessa, Perry wouldn’t have gotten hurt, and Perry wouldn’t be so mad. 

Perry came to a stop at OWCA HQ’s entrance, and, despite the searing pain in his feet and body, he couldn’t care less. He was infuriated, shaking with such anger he almost saw red. When he finds Monogram, he’s gonna give that monobrowed cheapskate liar a piece of his mind.

The automatic sliding doors of HQ opened as Perry was scanned by the facial recognition software, he stormed inside with a walk that Heinz once described as a “murder walk”, meaning with each minute Perry considers his option, jail seems increasingly preferred.

The other agents knew that walk, and all kept their distance from the top agent as he stormed past all of them, headed straight for the Major’s office.

“He’s definitely qutting today” Monty, the Major’s son, whispered to a human agent from canada, Lyla, Perry was sure her name was. Lyla glanced at Perry, then back to Monty, and nodded.

Like the controlled, trained agent Perry is, he kept his composure enough to only kick the door to monogram’s office off the hinges, and not throw it at him like he really wanted to. Carl recognised that enraged look in his eyes, and quickly left the room.

“Ah. Agent P. What’re you doing here?” Monogram asked warily, knowing full well, but trying to stall some time. All he got in response was an angry chitter, monogram sighed “I didn’t want to do it either, but when it comes down to the safety of the agency, we can’t have a pair of villains running around with a death ray!”

The word ‘villain’ echoed in perry’s head, his agent mind getting drowned out by pure anger as everything went red and Perry activated the chitter-to-speech translator built into his collar.

Monogram paled as he realised what he had just done.

And Perry snapped. 

Half an hour later,

Perry had left the door open, so everyone in view of the office, which would be half the agency as all of them wanted to hear this, could see and hear perry’s furious rant.

They collectively gasped as he grabbed his fedora and threw it down on the floor angrily “I’ve had enough of this agency, and i’ve had enough of YOU” Perry yelled “I QUIT.”

Monogram, pale in the face and speechless, spluttered “you- you can’t do that!”, Perry slammed a fist on the flipped office desk “well i just did.” he snarled, then turned on his heel and stormed out of the office, the agents parting like curtains to let Perry past without him hitting someone.

There was a dead silence as everyone watched their ex-best agent leave HQ for good, eventually, Monty spoke up

“Y’know,” he looks over to his father “you kinda had it coming.” he commented calmly,  hands in his hoodie pockets. He shrunk into his hood as his father glared at him, who then took a breath and flipped his table to the right way up

“Carl, get to work on Agent P’s termination paperwork. I don’t think we’re getting him back.” Monogram told the 16-year-old unpaid intern, who peeked his head through the doorway “a-alright sir, i’ll get right to it”

Heinz knew something was wrong from the moment Perry stepped foot back in the apartment, still bleeding and scratched up. 

“Perry? What did you do?” he asked his pet nervously, Perry gave a momentary glare before taking a breath and relaxing a bit, he turned off his translator in his collar and wrote something on the spare notepad he keeps next to the couch, sitting down

I quit.

Heinz spluttered “wh- you what?”, he couldn’t believe it! Perry The Platypus, his nemesis since the day perry could fight, quit his job at OWCA?

Perry tapped the same note in reiteration, then added another sentence

I quit.

Monogram tried to hurt my brothers, and i just can’t tolerate that. I was going to leave next summer anyway, he doesn’t even treat his agents with basic respect.

“Well- yeah i get that, i’d quit too if my boss tried to, y’know, kill my children and all” Heinz had calmed down from his internal rage at both OWCA and himself from almost an hour earlier, “but what are you going to do now? Being an agent was Your Thing, and who’s going to be my nemesis?” He asked, and Perry had no answer, except a helpless shrug

I’ll think about it. I need more time with the kids and you anyway, it’ll be good not to have work for a few weeks.

“Great idea! Maybe you can help out with their inventions! Oh and I know Phineas has been wanting to show you his and Ferb’s creations. Their getting very talented!” he gasped “Maybe take them to that Googleplex Mall and take them shopping, you need a new collar anyways” He suggested, and Perry thought about it for a minute, then smiled a bit and nodded

“Brilliant!” he pulls a blank calender from behind the couch, how did perry not spot that? “Here, i’ve been working on an Inator that works similarly to a time machine, it runs mostly on calendars so i went out when you were working and bought a bunch of them, i hope you don’t mind.” Heinz rambled, Perry smiled and took the calender, using his pen to plan some events him and the kids could do, he was really looking forward to this.

Leaving OWCA was the best thing Perry ever could’ve done.

[themurphyzone]

104 Words for 104 Days: Brainstorm

Buford is my favorite out of the main five kids. He has a lot of great hidden depths. 

Though Buford could appreciate the organized chaos of an adolescent mind, Baljeet’s subconscious was a little too…overlord-y for his liking. Compared to the giant robotic Baljeet looming above them on an enormous control panel, Candace’s Id seemed like a friendly neighbor you started chatting with while grabbing the mail.

A projectile fired, barely missing Buford and slicing a giant eight in half.

Of course Baljeet’s subconscious was one giant calculator. Buford’s street cred would dwindle away to nothing if word got out. He wondered how he could go about creating an official non-disclosure agreement to get the others to keep their mouths shut.

And it couldn’t be a simple calculator either. There just had to be graphs.

Buford missed the varied landscapes of Candace’s subconscious. Here, everything was just gray and mechanical and boring. How was he supposed to lead a guided tour through this place if there was nothing interesting to talk about?

“And to your left, you’ll see gray. Fun fact: the mind of a nerd is boring and watching paint dry is more entertaining than this. Please buy Lord Baljeet’s latest book, How to Remove Earth’s Atmosphere and Other Fun Science Projects for the Intellectual Mind, in the gift shop at the end of this tour. Make sure to take recyclable paper bags unless you want Lord Baljeet to set you one hundred unsolvable quadratic equations as punishment!”

A nearby calculator key slid open, revealing a small hollow in the mechanical ground. Phineas’ head poked out of the hole, and he waved Buford over.

“CALCULATING OPTIMAL VELOCITY AND SPEED OF PARABOLARANGS.”

Buford had no idea what a parabolarang was, but he knew Phineas and Ferb could come up with a working plan to deal with the robotic Baljeet. He slid into the hollow just as the sound of something charging up grew louder.

“Now, Isabella!” Phineas shouted.

Isabella pulled on her Fireside Girl sash, releasing a lever on a wall and plunging them into a slight darkness as the calculator key closed above them. The only light came from tiny bulbs in the wall, casting the hollow in an eerie green glow.

“So does anyone know what we’re dealing with?” Buford demanded.

Isabella shrugged. “He’s acting like he’s got that brain stimulator on his head.”

“I don’t think we can approach this like Candace’s Id,” Phineas admitted. “The robotic Baljeet is too calculated. He’s using logic to determine his best way of attack.”

Buford scowled. “Hasn’t Baljeet’s nerdy Space Adventure films taught him anything? Robots with too much intelligence tend to develop huge egos and claim they’re better than us just because they’re not made out of carbon. The fifth movie is a prime example of that!”

He was pretty sure a cricket chirped somewhere, even though there were no crickets in the room.

“Not that I would know anything about it. It’s not like I’ve been having movie marathons with Baljeet or anything,” Buford coughed.

“Actually, I think you might be onto something,” Phineas said. “If the Id can have a physical form inside the subconscious, then the other parts of the Freudian mind might have one too.”

“It’s likely we’re dealing with Baljeet’s Ego, the polar opposite of the Id,” Ferb added. “Bruising it might be our best option.”

“Good thing we’ve got our friendly neighborhood bruiser right here!” Phineas grinned at Buford.

“Unless you want broken knuckles, you might wanna stick to talking,” Isabella suggested.

“Talk? Come on guys, you know I ain’t good at talking!” Buford protested.

An alarm blared, cutting off whatever inspiring words Phineas was going to say. The bulbs flashed red repeatedly. Everyone covered their ears.

“Is something out there?” Isabella shouted.

“Not sure!” Phineas yelled back. “Anyway, Buford, just use the normal bully language! And don’t worry, everyone knows an A.I’s greatest weakness is talking!”

“Sure you can’t just rig up some motorcycles that leave cool neon trails behind?” Buford asked. “Cause I ain’t sure your plan’s gonna work!”

The alarm blared louder.

“GRAMMAR POLICE! OPEN UP! BUFORD VAN STOMM, YOU ARE BEING CHARGED FOR USING A GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT CONTRACTION AND ACKNOWLEDGING THE FIFTH SPACE ADVENTURE MOVIE AS CANON!”

“It had a good musical number though,” Phineas said.

“YOU WILL ALL BE CHARGED FOR ACKNOWLEDGING THE FIFTH SPACE ADVENTURE MOVIE IN GENERAL. WE WILL HAND YOU OFF TO THE OVERLORD FOR PUNISHMENT. COME OUT AND DON’T TRY ANYTHING FUNNY.”

The calculator key was hauled up by a green beam of energy, revealing a large ship controlling a tractor beam. Several robots in blue uniforms flooded in.

“WE HAVE THE CRIMINALS,” a robot said into a communication device as it grabbed hold of Buford’s arms. “BEAM US UP, LOTTIE. YES, I’M ALLOWED TO SAY IT. WE ARE PRODUCTS OF A SUBCONSCIOUS AND THEREFORE AREN’T SUBJECT TO COPYRIGHT LAWS.”

“I think I liked being attacked by the Ducky Momo club better,” Buford muttered as their surroundings disappeared and were replaced by a jail cell with electrified bars.

Since the guards weren’t leaving, they couldn’t come up with a plan, so the entire ten minute ride was spent in silence. Well, mostly silence. Phineas kept up a steady flow of chatter with the guards, unaware that they were probably ignoring him.

Since Buford had accumulated the most severe yet stupid charges, he walked in front of his friends. Buford felt a bead of sweat trickle down his neck. He hoped the quadratic equation thing was an exaggeration.

“I SENTENCE YOU TO ONE MILLION MULTIPLICATION PROBLEMS,” the Ego declared to a bucktoothed and glasses-wearing robot as they were led into the control room.

The robot nodded.

“TO BE DONE WITHOUT YOUR INTERNAL CALCULATOR.”

The nerdbot had to be dragged out of the room, kicking and screaming all the way.

“OVERLORD, WE HAVE BROUGHT BUFORD VAN STOMM AND HIS PARTNERS IN CRIME. THEY HAVE DARED TO USE INCORRECT GRAMMAR IN YOUR MIND AND MENTIONED THE FORBIDDEN FILM,” the lead guard said.

“This is dumb!” Buford shouted at the guard. “I want a lawyer! A jury of my peers! Someone with an actual degree in law!”

“You’re a triviamaster in Space Adventure, Baljeet,” Phineas added. “You have to know what happens in the fifth Space Adventure movie during the trial scene.”

Isabella made a show of rolling her eyes. “I don’t know what happens in the fifth movie. I’ve only seen the first two. For all I know, it could’ve gone exactly like this and we’ll all be doomed to one million multiplication problems ‘til our hundredth birthdays.”

“THAT IS NOT TRUE. THEY CLEARED THE LIEUTENANT OF ALL CHARGES AFTER THE CAPTAIN DISCOVERED THE FAKED EVIDENCE,” the Ego intoned.

“You’ve acknowledged the Forbidden Film,” Ferb said. “And broke your own law.”

“WHAT? NO! I HAVE INTELLIGENCE FAR BEYOND YOUR COMPREHENSION! I HAVE THE LARGEST BRAIN IN THE WORLD! MY PROCESSORS HAVE ADVANCED FARTHER THAN ANY COMPUTER MANKIND HAS EVER MADE!”

Sparks flew from between his joints and raced over his bolts. Without orders from their overlord, the Grammar Police were powerless.  

“Buford, go for the brain while he’s having an existential crisis!” Phineas shouted.

“On it!” Buford exclaimed, crackling his knuckles as he charged toward the Ego’s head. He shimmied up the robot’s arm, feeling electricity course through the metal. Not wanting to get caught in the blast if the Ego blew up, Buford quickened his pace, reaching the head after one brief misstep caused him to almost slip off entirely.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t a way inside from the top of the head. Everything was covered in reinforced metal. Even Buford couldn’t punch his way through. Then he looked down, realizing the eyes were made of more breakable material than the rest of the body. Hoping he wouldn’t be nursing bloody fists later, Buford punched the eye, and the material tore like paper.

Apparently the Ego hadn’t spent a lot of time reinforcing his eyes.

“Oh, come on!” Buford shouted in frustration. He could only fit one arm through the hollow opening. He felt around the area, hoping to tear out a few wires. Instead, his hand landed on something that felt like cloth.

The metal was growing hotter, and Buford knew he didn’t have much time. So he yanked on the cloth.

And a familiar scream sounded from inside the Ego.

Buford yanked one more time, and the real Baljeet tumbled out. He looked no worse for wear, other than being dazed from Buford pulling on his overalls strap.

“He’s got Baljeet!” Isabella exclaimed. “Let’s get out of here!”

Buford tucked Baljeet under his arm, catching up with everyone else as they sprinted out of the room. The Grammar Police didn’t pursue them, still shocked by their overlord malfunctioning.  

“Irving! Get us out of Baljeet’s subconscious!” Phineas shouted into his phone.

“Roger that, Phineas!” Irving exclaimed. “In ten, nine, eight-“

“SKIP THE COUNTDOWN!” Buford roared into the receiver.

Irving huffed. “Fine. I guess some people have no appreciation for a good countdown.”

A few moments later, Buford’s vision was flooded by blue and green. He ripped off the electrodes attached to his face, throwing them to the ground and stomping them into the dirt for good measure. Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and Baljeet were already awake, though only Phineas was standing and moving around.

“Learned my lesson,” Baljeet groaned. “I will never spend another all-nighter arguing on Space Adventure forums.”