#Factually i know it happened. Logically i know. i have the memories. i have the pictures. i have the Ashes.

[orcelito]

man emotional vulnerability's so fucked lol like ive told a few ppl at work that my cat died & theyve all been like "oh my god that's so awful, im so sorry" etc etc & like Yea it's nice to have the condolences, but a part of me feels like im faking it for attention. then im like. uh. dude. ur cat really did die. ur not lying about this one bit.

tbh i sorta feel like if i wasnt there for the euthanasia & seeing him dead, i wouldnt believe it was really true. Even Then i keep having to remind myself.

shit's weird.

[apocalyp-tech-a]

Remember in Season 1, Episode 1 Aftermath, Tech says "I am merely stating a theoretical hypothesis based on factual data?" Well, that's what I did, I made a "logical conclusion." From Lama Su coming back when we thought he was dead to the infamous "domicile," it was all factual evidence that was meant to push us in a direction of hoping that Tech would return and that CX-2 could be the way he does it. I'm not stupid, and neither are you. There's an underlying reason that I love Tech not based on just his handsome looks. I don't claim to have an exceptional mind like him and I don't intend to convince anyone that CX-2 was Tech, but I do want to explain how it could be construed through the way that character was presented as well as the possibility of Tech's return in general, that he could have been and none of us were wrong or "losers" to think so.

45 70 Reasons and more well on the way, lol...

General reasons:

*Tech is never seen actually dying.

*Hemlock being untrustworthy source of death certificate.

*The return of many thought to be dead characters in past Star Wars from Darth Maul who was sliced in half to Lama Su - the door closed on him and we thought he was getting shot by troopers only to show up alive later and this happened in The Bad Batch itself.

*CX-2 is shown walking toward the 'light' after dropping off Omega, symbolically toward a future redemption. @astrovoidy

*Height change on starwars.com

*The word 'dead' danced around on official sites and by BB employees

*the similarities to Winter soldier @on-a-quest

*the cryptic tweets that showcased reborn characters like Gandalf

*The official poster of CX-2 shows him in 'good' light. @eriexplosion AND CX-2 is shown looking up and to the side the way the original CF99 members are positioned and facing in their poster as if CX-2 is also a CF99 member

*other people in professional settings like New Rock Stars on youtube thought the same exact thing as well as casual viewers

*the large focus on CX-2, over multiple episodes

*misleading title of last episode "The Cavalry Has Arrived"

*Tech being smart enough to find a solution

*If Season 2 could be compared to Empire Strikes Back, Tech was taken from us the way Han Solo was, but Han Solo was returned so surely Tech would be as well

*no one expected a main ensemble character permadeath

*the fight with Crosshair music had hints of "Plan 99" in it

*Tech’s whole big conversation with Romar was about culture and memory, and he helped Romar restoring a data repository. Between the implication that Tech would have lost his memories and Phee saying, “Tech’s brain was the databank, not mine,” you could easily see that as foreshadowing for Tech getting his memories back. @heyclickadee

*All the little one line reminders and goggles shots up through episode twelve only serve to make the audience want Tech back. They aren’t closure, they’re reminders of his absence. [Tech never being quite mourned.] @heyclickadee

*The goggles are lit, or look like they’re lit, in every scene they’re in except the last one, which sure makes all those earlier shots deliberate. @heyclickadee *CX-2 could have killed all of them at different moments, but chose not to (shooting pilot instead of Hunter for example)

Physical and character similarities:

*the shrimp posture

*the kick in the fight similar to droid kick in S1E1

*the similar hand to hand combat style

*the shooting accuracy- ipsium cave/ plan 99

*the elegant deliberate movement especially of hands and fingers

*the animated head and body when speaking

*the helmet – even has his hairline @jorolle

*the viewfinder similar to Tech's and utilized just as often

*the pouches(!!!)

*the limberness and agility

*the confident capability

*the crouching/getting on one knee - Tech is an infamous croucher!

*the deviant nature – ignoring orders

*the technology know how

*the flying – some say the turn on Teth was a Tech Turn

*the extraness of tool/weapon twirl

*armpad like Tech's datapad @wolveria

*CX-2's ship has similarities to the Marauder @wolveria

*Tech CC-9902 / CX-2 - both end in 2 @wolveria

*We are reminded this season that Tech was especially good at decryption. What do we see CX-2 doing on Phee’s ship? Yeah. @heyclickadee

*Season two went out of its way to establish that Tech has a high pain tolerance, is a good close range fighter (he won a life-or-death fight with a guy when he had that broken femur), quick processing speed, and is an excellent shot. All skills we see CX-2 exhibit. @heyclickadee

The 'British' accent, speech inflection, pronunciation. and vocabulary (this alone is enough to convince anyone...):

'You better get back HERE." - "I know the girl is HERE."

"The fifth IS Omega." - "The girl IS alive."

"Who are you?" - "Who are you?"

"Naveecomputah." - "Neveecomputah."

"DOMICILE." - "DOMICLE."

Cinematic framing similarities:

*the limping

*the coming out of the water @lilacjunimo

*hooking the rappel hook rappelling down was like dangling off the rail car

*the boulder moving

*helmet viewpoint from CX-2 in finale, only BB members ever had that

Conjectural situations of suspicion:

*the beef with Crosshair

*the constant surviving

*the pausing when choking Crosshair

*the pausing to look at Phee

*The implications that Crosshair seems to know something about CX-2 (he wants to get out of dodge when he knows CX-2 is coming), and the intense lingering guilt Crosshair feels—and which is never dealt with! It’s still there through the finale—implying he knows or suspects it’s Tech. @heyclickadee

*“Whatever they did to you, whatever you’ve done, you’re still one of us,” offered by Rex towards the CXs @heyclickadee

*Crosshair’s character arc this season being partly about realizing that anyone can change and that no one is really beyond saving, which would have continued going somewhere if he thought CX-2 was Tech and considered him beyond saving, but then changed his mind and realized he needed to try. Notice that he does not engage CX-2 in 11 like he did in 7, and that this comes after his revelation about giving people a chance in 9. @heyclickadee

*CX-2 is even more Tech like in 11 than he was in 6 and 7. This implies that he could be starting to wake up, and that almost killing Crosshair triggered that. He doesn’t kill anyone except one of his own guys on Pabu (or Phee) even though it would make his job much easier. He even has Hunter and Wrecker in his sights and moves his aim to not shoot them directly. @heyclickadee

*Crosshair has no way to know that the CX’d clones come out different and that their identities are erased unless it happened to someone we know. In fact, there’s not reason for the CX plot to exist unless that horrific thing happens to someone we know. @heyclickadee

*The first episode of the show starts out with Hunter covering for someone who supposedly died in a fall. In fact, there are direct parallels in the lines: “Where’s the Jedi?” “I stunned him when he jumped. He didn’t make it.” vs “Where’s Tech?” “Omega…Tech didn’t make it.” I’m not saying Hunter was covering for Tech; I am saying that is the only place in the script where we see those phrases matched up. @heyclickadee

*Tech being CX-2 would have fit in perfectly with each member of the batch experiencing a traumatic loss (and regaining) of agency that correlated directly to who and how they are as people. @heyclickadee

Foreshadowing lines:

*More machine than man, percentage wise at least.

*Better late than dead.

*See you around, Brown Eyes.

*Tech's not gone.

*The operative's gone rogue.

*Romar saying he's a survivor and Tech's look at him.

*Don't go running off with any pirates or smugglers. @heyclickadee

Abandoned storyline reasons:

*The romance with Phee, surely it wouldn't be abandoned!? 🙄😡

*CX-2's death being anticlimactic

*The finale seeming rushed and incomplete

*Actors saying there were script changes

*CX-2's accent in the finale was not only not like Tech's as it was in previous episodes, it wasn't even a clone accent (wtf was that) signaling a script change

@wolveria made a great analysis here with her Tech-Genda !

@heyclickadee gave a great analysis here and also great evidence, more in comments!

@vivaislenska has a list as well with some of these points!

@eriexplosion has a great analysis here!

Having said that, here are some reasons it may not have been him:

*Too many characters coming back from the dead.

*The way he says 'clones' in Infiltration was more reg accent.

*Tech's line in the cave to Omega which "was a big one to me” in retrospect: "I am aware that you miss him, but we have to adapt and move on."

As for the intentions of the writers to either have been forced to change the script, but can't admit it due to NDAs or if they truly meant for CX-2 to be Crosshair's foil which to me was unclear, especially with all of the evidence above, I don't know. At least they could have made CX-2 talk and move like a reg. Making him talk and walk like Tech was kind of cruel on top of a cruel we already experienced in Plan 99. I am not personally attacking the writers, I still love Season 1 and 2 and most of Season 3, but I wish I knew what happened behind the scenes with this and I know I'm not the only one. I think this is the last time I'll personally address Season 3 or the finale unless to support other commentators/creators and for my own fix-it and art and writing. And I look forward to seeing everyone else's works as well and hope no one gives up this beautiful Batch or fandom as I almost did. Canon seems done with him, he belongs to us now. 💜

And if anyone has anything I missed (I'm sure I'll think of more myself), feel free to comment or reblog with that addition or a link to your own post and/or I can edit the OP to include it and tag you. Also, don't feel like you can't make your own post about this subject! But I do hope this maybe helped anyone still dealing with the 'aftermath' like me, to know you're not alone, and you did not read too much into it.

(In retrospect, I can't believe they killed him though, lol. What the kriff were they thinking!?! #too handsome to die #too awesome to die)

[rin-and-jade]

The imposter syndrome is basically just… “you’re faking all of this and imagining it all up for attention.” Blue (our host) has always been imaginative, and never realized that their imaginary friends were actually alters (us). It was only after another system explained that that including the fact that they don’t remember anything from childhood other than a few memories here and there are signs of being a system.

Another thing is that Blue doesn’t remember any trauma that happened other than being bullied and understanding that they never really had friends growing up except for the ones in their head.

It also doesn’t help that they were frontlocked for the longest time and was only recently able to leave the front. They’ve tried a whole bunch of logic to go against the imposter syndrome, but that doesn’t stop them still believing that this is all fake and for attention. We keep reminding them that they would actually know if they’re faking, but they’re still scared that they might be and just not know it.

It’s fun to know that Blue’s trust issues have gotten so bad that they refuse to trust themself and the rest of us.

-Donnie🧪

Ah darn that is a load, sounds hard to deal with already i can see,, i got some factual points to make, hoping that’ll break some barriers in mistrust and skepticism from me—because i get that feeling. Now get on reading as i start with the toppest issue:

Imaginary friend or not?

This one,, if you have an imaginary friend you can imagine as much as you please in terms of character, appearance, and voice.. moreover you get the point. Point is, you actively “act” this imaginary friend, lets say you are upset and then you turn to the imagined friend, pour the feelings out, you would know the things you needed to be comforted and how,, so then you imagine that said friend saying it to you.

For alters, not all of the time they know what you want, nor how you want them to look,, they’re way more autonomous than just something made out of the imaginary and are the ones that does the internal dialogue + commenting without having to ‘focus’ on it. (And yes, it is one of the reasons for memory gaps apart from other comorbid factors that makes it worse such as dissociation)

No memory, no trauma! (Myth)

Do you think you’d be able to function if you remember all the bad things from start to finish (present day) because it is a big NO. Different memories are compartmented by different parts, giving the illusion of no “valid trauma” , especially if those memories are subconsciously suppressed because that is outside the active awareness of being able to be recalled. I promise you all kinds of trauma (even having no friends) is still valid. All the proof you need is defensive physical reactions (jolting from a sudden loud noise for example) and other signs like hyper-vigilance probably, plus the alter stuffs and dissociation going on. So don’t say you need memories as the only proof?

What’s real,, am i faking??

I know you don’t mean anything malicious because no one wants to fake or deliberately get attention and i assure you, you are not,, if you want to fake something you already know what, how, and when you decided to have this disorder and exactly knew every parts and its name you picked, plus knowing it’s exact roles, hobbies, dislikes,, etc. Discovering something ≠ faking. “I would’ve knew if i have this disorder” is also wrong,, sharing concerns/needing some help ≠ wanting attention.

I hope everything that was asked has been assessed here, wishing well it’ll create a new insight to tackle the problems.

- j

[theomnicode]

Skepticism versus blind faith

Nobody else finds it odd that Genos never questions that a metal core which is not a living being, could house something as abstract as memories, thoughts and feelings inside of it?

It's his core for crying out loud, he would know better than anybody else that such thing is completely silly, illogical and impossible to explain scientifically. Our boy Genos is very booksmart, he dabbles in physics, cybernetics, theories of relativity and that sort of thing, such a logical mind would never accept something as stupid as a metal piece housing memories. It's not a brain, it's just a power source.

Right?

Long meta post and chapter 169 spoiler warning ahead.

Here we have Genos questioning the absurdity of Saitama's pants blowing out for no reason, because there is no logical explanation to that sort of thing happening. But he has the presentation of factual evidence in front of him, so he really has no choice but to believe it, even if he thinks it's strange.

And then we move on to where Genos aborbs the core memories and he just...

Genos are you even listening to yourself?

"I have no choice but to assume so, given the circumstances."

I'm sorry Genos, what the fuck is this bullshit? Where did your logically, scientifically questioning mindset go? Did you just throw it out of the window?

Did you just blindly accept the fact that your own metal core could house something as abstract as memories in it... and interpret it as future memories when it could have been anything at all and not question them as potentially fake? With zero evidence whatsoever?

This isn't like you Genos.

He completely lost his rational/scientific skepticism in favour of blindly believing in something.

The same mindset that he uses to research a lot, like when he researched the Kombu effects on possible hair growth.

Genos is booksmart, scientific and logical person. He does a lot of research and cross-referencing to get valid data points, exactly how he would have learned to do under Kuseno's tutelage and like a scientist would do. He does not accept things at face value. It is so unlike him to not question anything he just learned.

The only time he has to accept the absurdity of the situation is when it's concerning Saitama, because Saitama seems to defy all logic and even then, he shows a healthy amount of skepticism but he does trust Saitama in what he has to say when he has the evidence to present to him.

He just has to suspend his disbelief when it's concerning Saitama. Saitama tells the truth, but the truth is often quite absurd.

'From the moon? Sensei can't be serious, right?' 'Wait he's actually serious. How does that even work...yet he is not lying, that is actually a moon rock he's holding. I can't wrap my head around this...I guess I just have to accept this factual evidence as I see it.'

Is probably Genos line of thinking when Saitama tells him that yes, he apparently went to the moon and back and brought a moon rock with him.

Not even Saitama can wrap his head around the concept that the metal hunk of energy source could have anything resembling memories in it.

It's truly weird to see Saitama show more skepticism than Genos, who's entire cyborg body and mindset is built around scientific concepts and the rationality of it.

Even worse, we can see his trust in Saitama evolve into something that borders on fanaticism. The suspension of disbelief and skepticism is gone, now there is only blind hero worship.

Something you'd see in cults. Franky, real world examples of cult leaders, the cult itself and their followers aren't very nice at all.

The blind faith in Saitama's sense of heroism, when he just witnessed the same heroism NOT BE INFALLIBLE, is quite the illogical statement to make.

And Genos does not question anything he saw in the core memories, he accepts them as factual evidence. Yet anything he saw in the core does not apparently bother him at all.

Genos is a hero and morally sound. His Sensei almost exploding the planet in blind rage and subsequently destroying parts of the solar system and even destroying the stars should give him a pause.

But it does not, because he is blinded by his faith in Saitama's heroism. That no matter what happens, he could just reverse everything like nothing happened. That his sense of heroism is flawless, to the point where Saitama can reverse causality. But it's also so completely uncharacteristic of him to not question any logical fallacies.

Genos line of thinking being so completely out of character...It all comes down to the core that he just absorbed. The core that should not have been housing any kinds of memories whatsoever, as such things defy logic and there is no scientific proof behind that kind of concept. Yet it did, because it was imbued with Saitama's divine power that enabled it to not be destroyed in the first place against impossible odds, something not quantifiable and of spiritual origin.

The parallels between atheism and religious fanaticism is there and frankly, disturbing.

And because it is Saitama's divine power, he is forced to accept the sheer illogicality of it and suspend his disbelief about the entire thing. Conditioned into this line of thinking in things concerning Saitama. The sheer enormity of Saitama's divine power makes him not question anything. This divine power would play Genos like a marionette, not unlike what God did to Garou.

But we also know what happened to Garou when doused by God's divine power. He became a different individual entirely, someone who saw had no qualms about destroying the planet and all the individuals within, when he normally shows concern for people like Tareo and even when in the throes of battle-lust, still backs off from Darkshine when he thinks he's bullying him.

But with the divine power, his sense of self transforms entirely. And he does not notice it himself, for he thinks he's still in control.

No, it would not line up with Garou's actual goals of making the world a better place for people like Tareo. The unreasonable world that made both him and Tareo cry. He always pretended to be a monster, but he was never an actual monster at heart.

Divine power changes people. For those who are not accustomed to wielding such powers. It amplifies the worst qualities in them and makes them not question the morality of their actions and become callous.

Same is happening with Genos. His trust and faith in Saitama transformed into blind hero worship and suspending his disbelief about the core having any possible chance of housing memories, in favour of his blind faith. Not questioning the morally less sound actions of Saitama in the bad future, not batting an eye at the fact that he himself died in that bad future and not bothered by the effects of destroying the solar system and it's inhabitants. Being irritated when he can't share his blinded vision of hero worship with the other heroes. Not caring about Saitama's emotional state when he's normally in tune with it and rambling with little concern whether Saitama can even focus on what he's saying.

Being blinded by hero worship and not questioning the actions of said person will only turn into fanaticism. The worst part is that Saitama relies on Genos to trust in his sense of heroism, because Saitama does not believe in himself to be a hero and Saitama's own vision of his heroism is naive and immature look. This will only turn in ways where Genos sudden lack of morals can influence Saitama's sense of heroism in the worst possible ways if Saitama lets him, like when he already did not step in when Garou was being lynched because he was unsure about how to proceed since Garou was not fighting back. He wanted a second opinion from Genos to assure himself he was doing the right thing, because he has faith in Genos sense of justice.

Genos would normally think it's horrible to lynch people. He does not do so even when he's fighting Garou himself but he steps aside to let Bang deal with it, contrary to what the other heroes ganging up on Garou did moments before. In WC he has the same line of thought when heroes gang up on Garou in this aftermath.

Genos having any ulterior motives when it concerns Saitama, can also become dangerous if he lets it go that far. He's already showing signs of manipulation and objectification of Saitama.

Genos wanted to become strong like Saitama and acquire his power. Well, now he has it, even if neither part knows. But nothing in world of OPM will turn out well when your desires get granted to you.

Only time will tell how far Genos is willing to go for with this blind hero worship. But if he continues to use that Divine power core, the consequences will be far reaching. He's already changing and not for the better.

[linaket]

WBW: The Neither

So apparently it is World Building Wednesday here on writeblr! I'm still pretty new so I don't have as much on here about my stories for people to ask about, but sometimes my brain writes entire essays about aspects of my story/world and well... why not actually write them and share? I started doing this in my author comments to some extent when I was posting Act III of SP on Tapas, but there is... a character limit.

This is obviously not an actual structured essay, I don't have the discipline for that anymore, but... its a lot of thoughts that are somewhat organized about a single world building aspect for the Lifrasir Universe, which both (all?) of my projects take place in.

My askbox is open if you have any general questions, as well! I will try to answer, or maybe it'll be something that gives me an idea for a longer thing and I can continue doing this or something like it for WBW.

I've tried to keep this as spoiler-free as possible, but some things are bound to slip through in order to talk about it.

The Neither

The Neither is an actual place in Shadow's Prey, but it also plays double duty as a metaphor for Kanna's dissociative symptoms related to PTSD. (CW embedded in that statement, though nothing is mentioned in detail here.)

As Place

illustration of Kanna facing a version of herself in the Neither, from Act I of Shadow's Prey. by @jwhitnee

The Neither is called such because it is between "here" and "there" but isn't either one. It is a plane that exists between the living and the dead, between the real and what comes after. Haru describes it once as "the throat of the universe." If time and space are shaped like an hour glass, it is the pinch point where the sand filters through.

The people of Lifrasir have no true conception of what happens when they die beyond that they go to a place that cannot be reached or breached. What happens after death is beyond them. This belief, if one wants to call it that, comes from the fact that the gods of Lifrasir died long ago, and nothing of their powers has been seen since. The Neither is the gate that a soul passes through, but it isn't actually a place or concept that is known or spoken of in the world.

Kanna is inherently linked with the Neither due to her abilities as a "shadow" loa. Unfortunately, this means that she feels every death. This isn't really something she thinks about--it is like the sensation of breathing to her. However, those that die by her hand are felt more keenly because she is tuned into the act.

People are not meant to traverse the Neither. However, Kanna drags Osawa bodily through the space momentarily, and when he returns to the "real" world his abilities are modified. Kanna and by extension Haru are immune to this effect.

At one point it is implied that Kanna created the Neither. This is partially true. After experiencing a traumatic shock, Kanna unconsciously created a kind of pocket dimension within the Neither.

As Metaphor

illustration from Act I of Shadow's Prey. by @jwhitnee

Ghostlike versions of Kanna roam the Neither, referred to as echoes. They are from different times of her life, each holding parts of her fractured memory.

Kanna first visits the Neither in Act I via projection. Because she no longer has her memories at that time, she is unaware of where she is or what is happening. Therefore the Neither, which operates on a kind of dream logic, is seemingly out her of control.

Memory in Shadow's Prey works by association. For instance: the first thing Kanna regains is the memory of who she is--but in a factual, logical sense. She knows her titles and those of her companions, as well as a wikipedia-like rundown of her past. However, she does not have the context, such as the memories of events themselves or any emotional connection to them.

As the story progresses, the ways that Kanna interracts with the Neither also change. As Kanna regains her agency, she also begins to regain control of the Neither and the memories that reside within it. Unfortunately... to get more into detail on that gets into spoiler territory...

Read Shadow's Prey on: [ TAPAS | ROYAL ROAD | NEOVEL | WATTPAD ] Support me on Ko-Fi

[sunstreakerapologist]

I was working on my Transformers oc who I made history professor pre war on a whim and I got thinking about what Cybertronian history studies would really be like when so many of them have been alive for most of history, and here's some thoughts I've come up with.

It isn't so much "this is what happened on our planet" it's a much more sociology based endeavor into how Cybertronian actions have impacted other planets, since that may be something many Cybertronians aren't as aware of as their own planet.

A lot of data keeping before things are forgotten/memories are changed. People studying events they lived through because they know there's a genuine risk they won't remember them right anymore.

Pushes back against any worship of past figures because turning them into these demi-God like beings instead of people isn't just dangerous to destroying history, it's dangerous to people falling into. Less than good ideologies let's say.

For things that don't have a concrete record it's a lot of arguing, debating over what makes the most logical sense to have happened based on surrounding events.

During the war there was probably a massive shift to writing down factual events of what happened and holding on to what others have written, as they've seen how their species forgets and warps memory.

[quxxn0fhxarts]

Sonic Senior Year - 4. Blackbourne Manor

Photo Made with Bing AI AN: Hey, Guise, thank you so much for your patience. I cannot write much for this series, and I had mega writer's block, but I love it. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I have edited the past chapter, formatted settings with made-up cities and states, added some sentences for context, and added AI photos! Check it out!

September 6th, 2014 9:19 PM

Blackbourne Manor, Ghost Hill, Mystic Heights

   "What is this?" Shadow asked as Tails had left him alone with his sketchbook while he had to use the restroom. It was a tiny black and yellow box with a red LED face.

   "That is what I have been working on all summer. I can get the CPU right, but I will try starting over. That is his design,"

   "What is it for?"

   "He is going to be my assistant. I programmed him to have more intelligence than me. He can read 100,000 web articles a second and give me the most logical or factual assessment," Tails explained. He was still combing his tails because there was just so much static electricity in them. He would have to shower and dry off for his fur to lay down like normal again.

   "Does it have a name?" Shadow asked, and Tails froze slightly.

   "Omega," Tails said nervously. Tails had never met another Omega, so he was making an AI with the mindset that he could have a friend. It would also be his therapist because he was stressed and depressed later. His friends wouldn't understand what he is going through. He isn't a girl, but he isn't a guy either.

   "Kinky," Shadow smirked, and Tails gulped. Is it going to have the amenities of an Omega?" Shadow teased, but Tails didn't reply.

   The fox raised his eyebrows and looked at Shadow, 'Does he not know that I am an Omega?' Tails thought. It was obvious just by how he was built, but he has been taking heat suppressants and wearing scent blockers since he started showing signs. This is why he wanted to keep the name from Shadow. Guys are pigs when they talk about his kind.

   "I love Omegas," Shadow said, twirling the pencil around his fingers.

   "You do?" Tails perked up an ear and quickly corrected himself, "I mean... me too, but you have met one before?" He tried to say without sounding too interested. Omega's make up 10% of the population and 1% of that 10% are Intersex Omegas, overall, they go into the sex industry or live a life of lies.

   "I've met one omega before. She was beautiful. I was on vacation in Sunset Park last summer," Shadow lied, trying to seem cool to Tails. He only ever watched porn with them in it. They both wanted to change the subject, "Why don't we make a bigger version of Omega for our project? He is pretty cool looking,"

   "You think so?" Tails smiled, and Shadow nodded emotionlessly. He didn't  want to give to much credit to Tails for making such a cool design. "Okay, sure, I do have to make a few tweaks to the sketch we just worked out... since he will be bigger, then I can find more hardcore processors for him," he said, already working on it.

   "We have been at this for a while now, so I ordered some dim sum," Shadow said when they heard a doorbell. Now that Shadow had said something, Tails was pretty hungry.

   When they got to the door, the delivery bird barely let Shadow hand him the food before he shoved it in his arms and quickly flew off. It's one of the first times Tails ever heard Shadow laughing that wasn't about torturing someone. Shadow hasn't bullied anyone in a couple of years. He does, however, like to tease them. 

   Seeing the fear in the bird's eyes was enough to make him have fond memories of those times. There were many rumors and gossip about Ghost Hill, such as that demonic cults resided there or that there were were-creatures and evil deities. The only 'scary' thing here is ghosts but most are harmless. They are just roaming around aimlessly, trying to discover what happened to them.

   "Thank you, Shads," Tails said as Shadow put the food on the counter. Shadow was slightly confused by the nickname, but he brushed it off. He had never had a nickname before. Well, Sonic calls him E-Boy, but he hates it.

   "Don't mention it... I heard your stomach growling earlier." Shadow told him he wanted to lounge around this weekend and be lazy, but Tails became fixated on something when he put his mind to it. Tails would often forget about using the bathroom or eating when he would get like this.

   "Shads... are you going to eat?" Tails asked, and Shadow shook his head, "Are you sure... you bought it and everything..." Tails said, and Shadow placed his hands in his house coat pockets.

   "You're worried about the vampire rumor, aren't you?" Shadow smirked, and Tails gaped, "Thought you would have been more intelligent than that,"

   "No, Shadow... I want you to eat with me,"

   "I don't like people watching me eat..." Looking down at his feet, Shadow said, "The orphanage I was in... they were strict with food. They would shame me with it since I was heavy back then. So, I eat... but not in front of people," Shadow said, looking away from Tail's look of sympathy and worry.

   "Shadow..." Tails said, putting a hand on his forearm, "I am sorry that happened to you..." Tails told him.

   "I'm fine, don't feel sorry for me, it's pathetic," He grumbled.

   "My mom would lock me in my room for a couple of days when I did something to upset her. She would only give me kibble to eat," Tails said, knowing the only way to comfort Shadow was to tell his trauma.

   "Kibble? Like what they feed prisoners?" Shadow asked, and Tails nodded. "I... am sorry," Shadow knitted his eyebrows together. "Was that supposed to make me feel better?"

   "I don't know..." Tails sighed.

   "I will eat with you..." Shadow sighed, walking down the hall, "Are you coming?" Shadow called out, and Tails trotted behind him. They walked down into the basement and down a couple more hallways. "This is my favorite room in the Manor," he sighed, opening a door.

   "Woah..." Tails said in astonishment, "Are... those squids?"

   "Yeah," Shadow said, sitting on the couch with the takeout at the coffee table. He grabbed a remote and lowered the TV down. He was about to hand Tails the remote, but the fox kneeled to look at the squids.

   "Where does the pool lead to?" Tails asked, seeing that the deep end was open.

   "The house was built near a spring. My parents had the worker's tunnel to connect to it. It leads out to the ocean over there," Shadow pointed to the right. "Sometimes squid will visit, and other times, sharks or fish will check things out.

   "Cool..."

   "Yeah, there will be more fish to visit at midnight. There is an automatic feeder that goes off every several hours," Shadow explained, getting his food and pushing Tails' dim sum to the side before the fox remembered he was hungry. "Do you know how to swim, or are you a numbskull like your friend?"

   "Can you not talk about Sonic like that?" Tails huffed. Look, let's just keep him off limits, okay? I won't talk about him if you won't," Tails said, and Shadow rolled his eyes with a nod. "And yes, I can swim," Tails skipped back to the couch and ate. He kept in mind not to look at Shadow while he was eating to not make him uncomfortable. "Can you swim?" Tails asked.

   "Yes... it's best not to have any weaknesses so people can't extort you," Shadow said, and Tails rolled his eyes, "What was that, Fox?"

   "Not everything is doom and gloom, Shads. Do you ever just kick back and relax?" Tails asked, and Shadow scoffed. You are so on guard even when you sleep."

   "It's what will make me get ahead in life or save my life, Fox... and look who the hell is talking, you're always tinkering with something,"

   "That is how I relax," Tails shrugged, "All of my creations are my friends. I like spending time with them. In return, they distract me from daily life." Tails said, looking up at the TV. "Do you think you can turn it to anywhere but the News?"

   "Why?"

   "Because I hate that News Anchor..." Tails muttered. "He is my new stepfather," Tails muttered, and Shadow raised an eyebrow. He looked Tails up and down before changing the channel to the weather channel.

   "Is the weather channel okay?"

   "Yep... There is a large storm coming. It's better to be prepared for it," Tails shrugged. Are you going to be okay with that?"

   "The storm?" Shadow asked with a glare, "Of course, I will..." he scoffed.

   "Alright... you were pretty noisy with the thunderstorm the other night," Tails said, and Shadow grumbled, "It's okay to be afraid."

   "Are you afraid of my fist in your face?" Shadow said through gritted teeth, and Tails gulped.

   "Sorry, Shads... I'll shut up now,"

    "Yeah, that's what I thought..." Shadow grumbled. For some reason, this didn't make him feel like it usually did. Shadow was a sadist, so when he made people afraid, it gave him a high, but Tails's fear of him made him feel bad. Please vote, comment, add this story to your library and read list, also share this story with a friend:)

AO3

Sonic: Senior Year - Chapter 4 - quxxnofhxarts - Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]

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Sonic Senior Year - 18+ - 4. Blackbourne Manor - Wattpad

[makiema]

finally finished writing about how much stormbringer enhances the skk dynamic which was at a nascent stage in Fifteen and anticipates the developments which happen later and culminate in Dead Apple where the faith they have in each other is absolutely remarkable! the fact that i said i’d do this in a few hours yesterday but it took me like 24 hrs to finish i have an attention span of a whole 2 minutes 💀

my favorite thing about stormbringer is that it actually builds up on the concepts/themes introduced in Fifteen so it's a glimpse into what has changed in dazai and dazai & dhuuya after one year of being together. As much as it's about chuuya confronting his past and his identity this is also about dazai’s development from who he was in fifteen. chuuya and rimbaud both left their marks on dazai and in Stormbringer we see him, actually trying to emulate or follow in a sense a way of life, that chuuya and rimbaud represented. Stormbringer is not just about chuuya, abt his test of humanity, or he coming in terms with who or what he is. it's about dazai too. it's about dazai developing or at least attempting to develop what he calls “boyish”/ “ordinary” in Fifteen. its not about chuya having an identity crisis. in fact what we understand from Code 04's last section is that chuuya never considered it as his crisis and neither did dazai. so to dazai “saving chuuya is important, human or not doesn't matter” and when dazai gives chuuya time to think abt what the operation will cost him chuuya doesnt so much as flinch form his purpose. This goes on to show unlike verlaine he doesnt care about memory and certainly doesnt consider it as the only determinant of someone being human. He cares more abt yokohama and his friends and in that, in caring abt his “family”, he is just as human as the next person. whether he’s factually human or not comes secondary to his desire to save people. This is a message that the quality of being human has more to do with embodying human qualities or humanity than having memories and lineage. so yeah stormbringer is essentially about embracing humanity but this happens on 2 levels: both chuuya and dazai embrace humanity. Going back to the boyish or ordinary bit, im talking abt this segment:

here dazai is shocked because he assumed everyone “gangsta” and everyone crazy powerful delighted in homicide, in deliberately indulging in the macabre. but he is proved wrong. He logically concluded that anyone with power more than average and belonging to the underground would kill people and delight in that because it’s a given they lack any kind of moral understanding. To that end, they’d be exalted at the prospect of relentlessly shooting a dead body, mutilating it and dishonoring it. The mafia code (any general mafia code) works in a way where honor and death goes hand in hand. So only the lowest of the low would do that to a dying person, who even when faced with certain death is loyal to his own organisation. This really shows that even within the mafia dazai is the only person whos like the devil incarnate. So yeah dazai at this sate far lower than even a mafia member. But chuuya who actually embodiess the mafia code and is incredibly loyal to his organisation and “family” [ putting family in quotes bc he himself calls his friends family 🥺] ofc kicks the gun away. From dazai’s pov chuuya being as insanely powerful as he is should also do the same. But chuuya comes along and suggests that even enemies should be shown respect where it’s due. And that is what an ordinary person, oblivious to mafia life (mafia life as in waht dazai makes of it) thinks. So in undermining the binary between “ordinary” and “mafia” chuuya proves that being mafia doesnt necessarily mean selling your soul to the devil and giving up the last smidge of humanity. In fact by embodying qualities like compassion and kindness and mutual respect, you can make the mafia a better place for yourself and for the other members. Now in Stormbringer, we see how this affected dazai. here dazai is introduced as someone mercilessly killing to set up the channel. 

Now to expand the channel one would need to keep doing it right? To mercilessly kill ppl and stuff but instead what he does is hand the channel over to chuuya bc he knows chuuya wouldnt handle it like him. im not suggesting that dazai miraculously becomes v good or anything with dazai the key words is “try” or “to some extent” like in Fifteen when Chuuya asks “do u wanna live” he’s like “ not to that extent”. similarly its not to say he doesnt kill people anymore. it is that he tries to lessen the number of casualties by handing over one of the most troublesome channels to chuuya who would manage it in a much more humane way. That dazai draws from his friends/at least tries to is smth we’ll see again later on when he deals with akutagawa. He talks about odasaku and ofc its baffling to him that a mafia member as powerful as him would be taking acre of orphans. and dazai says but he cant afford to be that kind and proceeds to shoot akutagswa but again does so in a calculated way such that he doesnt end up killing him ( im NOT justifying dazai’s abuse not at all im just saying that its hard to believe he coincidentally knew the exact no of bullets that aku could block. and had odasaku’s words and his way of life not been in the back of his mind he could’ve ended up killing aku) coming back to chuuya and dazai we also see him avoiding further conversation on the jewelry channel thing as he says “leave that for now”. He does a similar thing again when mori brings up the concept of double suiciding with chuuya.

 Its a HUGE thing for him to digest that him suiciding would inevitably spell the doom for chuuya. this puts an unimaginable responsibility on him. And he avoids further discussion on this. Now we know dazai is the rambly type. Even in the most dire moments he goe son with his LOONG monologues so really he is the last person who’d avoid a conversation but he deliberately does it in these 2 instances because its hard for him to grasp these things. That he can go against his nature and do a conscientious thing by handing over one of the most grisly channels to chuuya (i dont think dazai’s nature is evil. Or even if it is, its a a social construct keeping in mind the war ravaged times or its mori’s construct because he does exploit dazai to the hilt. but dazai ofc thinks of himself as non-human, devious. perfectly devilish...etc.) And also the fact that someone as suicidal as him is actually responsible for the life of someone else is really too much to take in. a whole 10 seconds pause indicates just how much he was thrown off when mori opened his eyes to the reality of things: if he dies, chuuya inexorably dies as a consequence. also i dont think the “wow” here or the next bit :

is something jokey. if it was like haha double suicide with chuuya is the worst haha wanna do it w pretty lady kind of a deal. that pause would have been unnecessary. dazai’s immediate reaction would’ve been whining and shit. the use of “froze” too implies the gravity of the situation. so ofc what is “wow” is how much meaning his life has for someone else. and for some so much....better than him. and what is unacceptable is this sad, sad truth that his life (to which he ascribes no value) would be so inextricably linked with someone else’s and hold so much meaning to them. it is like when a suicidal person at the brink of suicide understanding his life is not his own. his life and death holds consequences for ppl surrounding him. so both of these are huge things to grasp and at both these times dazai is visibly shaken up so much so that he doesnt want to do his favorite thing- ramble in a condescending tone. smth he does in so many instances. this really is a testimony to the fact that things are changing in him. the redemption process has begun. he’s no longer the kind of maniac he was before he encountered chuuya. when zuko underwent his transition in atla he was so shaken up after one (1) right decision he had a fever. i think this is true for anyone who’s trying to change. change is after all a huge thing for everyone. ofc he’ll be unsettled. so anyways this is proof that he has indeed come a long way from being someone who revelled at the prospect of meaningless bloodshed.

now coming to the concept of love he assumes he’d get sick of love and die:

and that death is the singular goal worth chasing after because it makes you feel more alive/get a fuller picture of what living entails. but here he is erring by supposing love is something that’ll bore him/have no meaning. and it cant provide him that “something” he’s looking for. at this point he hasn’t loved so he doesnt know whether he’ll be sick of it or if it'll have no impact. And yet he’s morose and regretful. this is a kind of self-imposed constraint hes putting on himself. he cancels out the v idea of love because hes convinced it isnt worth it. he hasnt even been in love okay scratch being in love that sounds romantic and i really dont mean love in a romantic sense here...its just love. in general. any form is cool. anyway so dazai is not familiar with any kind of love. He is entirely alien to the concept. he doesnt even know what a friend/partner is so he doesnt know what love is. this is cleared out here when rimbaud confesses he did everything for paul and dazai is unconvinced:

chuuya ofc admonishes him and shuts him up for good, he says dazai has no right lookind down upon smth he doesnt understand. he doesnt understand friendship, love. or loyalty. or how important those feelings are at this point. now this situation is turned on its head in stormbringer. but before we go into that let’s look at the message rimbaud had for both of them. ik he specifically asks for chuuya to “live” but there’s purpose behind including both of them in the frame. it’s a message they should both take to heart. and at the end of it its implied both are changed after hearing it:

and in this message the first bit is for chuuya. what he says is basically memory doesn’t make u human... ”you are you” just a frame or not doesnt matter. and even if hes just a frame, he is still beautiful. beauty actually is a v important concept in literature starting right from Plato to Shakespeare. i’d not bring this here but because bsd is so deeply rooted in literature i feel like the reference to beauty, and later on to soul and even warmth and also the universal tone of this message carries some meaning. so the thing is  both Plato and Shakespeare were endorsed the idea of love as a force awakened in the world by beauty which then leads the soul to perfection. so humans and by extension, all life are beautiful frames that can inspire love. this concept is also there in Romantic poetry like Keats and Wordsworth all of them talked about loving beauty in nature and how that can elevate the body mind and soul. so essentially in telling this to chuuya what ehe basically means is that chuuya just by being him, by being a beautiful framework can inspire love and warmth in others and thats a great purpose! how much chuuya understands of this purpose with his one (1) braincell and his low self esteem is questionable but he gets some sense of belonging. now this is a two way relationship so ofc dazai has to be factored in. he comes in the next part: 

these are from 2 different translation so the disparity im sorry ;-; but anyway,  this last part abt the world being a cold place. then paul. then “warmth” is a message to dazai who’s been introduced to us as cold-hearted and having like no bearings of a human being. this is the reason why its important for both o f them to be there. now going back to chuuya being a beautiful framework, the framework can be beautiful in so far as its beauty is appreciate by someone and inspires warmth and love in someone. this again is the whole beauty/beholder nature/the romantic concept that is there in shakespeare and in Romantic poetry where both are a part of a codependent relationship. so what rimbaud implies here is that dazai can have that kind of a relationship with another person (chuuya) just like rimbaud had with paul which makes him warm and the world doesnt feel cold anymore. rimbaud has no regrets about what he did because. so the idea is that dazai and chuuya can share the same dynamic. also after this, the narrative says that their hearts are now changed and wont return to what they were before....and even their souls are refined in a way. but in Fifteen we dont have a concrete proof of how this happened bc the novel ends at this point. Instead, Stormbringer shows exactly how deep the impact of those words is: 

this is the third instance of dazai showing hesitation and once again this has to do with chuuya. the seed of the dynamic that rimbaud was talking about  is already germinating in him. his reactions, his fidgeting, his hesitancy, in response to chuuya’s situation is such a big contrast to his cocksure self when he’s conversing with adam and verlaine. after this of course we have: 

not only does he clearly express his concern but he gives chuuya 2 whole mins to make a decision and based on that he’s prepared to overturn the operation. the success rate of an alternative plan will ofc be lesser than the og one but that doesnt faze dazai. he’s ready to turn the tide for chuuya’s sake and if this is not development idk what is. just a year ago, he was someone to whom the concept of rimbaud going thru all that trouble for his friend was a lost concept. ironically enough, now he finds himself doing something that is along the same lines. he puts chuuya above his mission. to him, chuuya is more important than getting a satisfactory result. another bit that i wanna talk abt is that one controversial section where dazai says he’ll save chuuya, human or not, and then the justification is: 

i think a lot of people got mad bc of this and honestly at first glance i was peeved too. as a chuuya stan some of the shit dazai has done so far did rub me the wrong way. i love skk obv but still those were moments that kind of left a bad taste in the mouth. i’ll discuss them later on bc stormbringer helps allay that feeling. coming back to the “i wanna see chuuya suffer” part firstly context is important. ofc someone like dazai cant be expected to be upfront about his feelings with ppl (or AI) he barely knows. so what be relays to adam, is only partly true and its actually a kind of a twist in concept. the things is, and this is  smth dazai knows all too well is that ppl suffer simply on account of being human. human suffering is brought on because humans, by virtue of being humans, feel. so when he says he’s willing to acknowledge chuuya as human despite what N and Verlaine said he’s already admitting that chuuya suffers. so there is really nothing “new” to see for him. he knows chuuya suffers already and he does too because they’re both humans trying to make it thru their messed up lives. also chuuya “ceasing to be human” is a p huge concern for him bc he himself is like that. just like with the suicide thing, it bothers dazai when someone else shares his situation/his fate like as long as his life is his own, he has no problem ending it whenever but the situation is complicated when someone else’s life span is determined by that decision. and similarly, as long as he is “no longer human” its not that much of an issue because he’s like resigned to a doomed fate but someone like chuuya ceasing to be human or worse yet never getting to know if hes human or not are pressing matters. so anyways what he actually means here is that in saving chuuya, he saves someone who suffers just like he does and in their case, even the cause of suffering boils down to a shared psychological conflict: what essentially constitutes being human and if im human or not. now this sharing of pain and suffering is the foundation of forming a connection with someone, which makes life a little better. here again, what rimaud imparted to dazai and chuuya is driven home. also dazai’s key anxiety is not finding meaning/anything. this “anything” can be assumed to be something that justifies life. so all his anxiety and frustration stems from the fact that there really is no discernible meaning to be found in the mechanism of life. so it is an empty pursuit because it is true that nothing can explain why feelings of pain and suffering are exponentially heavier than feelings of happiness or why after getting to experience one (1) free day we’re back to square one where life is grueling. these are questions that really dont have an answer so every time dazai like gazes into the abyss and says he didnt  find anything, he is not so much asking if he’ll ever find anything as swallowing the hard truth that there is nothing to be found, no singular entity exists that can magically justify everything. again drawing upon literature or philosophy more specifically, there’s a concept called Absurdism which says the only philosophical truth so to say is this that life is absurd and looking for meaning is futile. instead what we can do is accept that it is absurd and deal with it in the best way possible, by finding little sources and moments of happiness, and strewing them together so we feel somewhat content. even if it is just for a fleeting second. and this happiness/contentment amidst a wretched life (altho temporal) can be found in friendship, in sharing, and even in having fun with people you’re comfortable with! this is actually why dazai wants to save chuuya and now it may seem like im interpreting his words through the shipping lens but thats not so and it can be corroborated by looking into dazai’s words to odasaku. after chuuya, dazai’s next attempt at friendship was odasaku who he found “interesting”. now when odasaku sort of like threw hands and chose death over having to live a life without the orphans, dazai tried to stop him not by saying stuff like life is good. and things will def change for the better. but instead he admits that living is hard and the sense of void is ubiquitous and yet he doesnt want him to  up and die because then he would be sad. because the little comfort that he got from odasaku and something he probably assumed odasaku also got from him would be gone. [how much odasaku considered dazai a source of comfort remains unclear. in fact the reason odasaku gave up and died was because he did not have this. this feeling of sharing in someone else’s suffering and seeking comfort in friends in the real world. instead he was too vested in his ideal world. his over reliance on an entirely idealistic concept is actually what pushed him over the edge. and this would have been the case for dazai too had he not encountered and sought comfort and companionship in chuuya and eventually in odasaku ] so this again goes on to show how rimbaud’s words changed dazai’s heart. and in a way dazai really has been doing this unconsciously form the v beginning like by teasing chuuya continually in Fifteen. you dont expect someone as cold as him to indulge in friendly bickering and taunting so often but he does. that there is significance and even happiness in that is something he learns over time, after rimbaud’s words to him. although these things seem futile on the surface they give a moment’s respite. so although chuuya spinning dazai on a rope in stormbringer might seem weird to everyone, they still serve a purpose:  

what shirase puts forward is particularly relevant here because neither dazai nor chuuya is fully aware of the extent of their feelings (or even what those feelings are like they dont know what label to put. so typical oblivious lovers) for each other or what they stand to gain just by driving each other nuts but there is something intangible but satisfying to be felt. a kind of contentment that helps him continue. one day at a time. there is no one great “thing” that can make him like wake up one day feeling like he doesnt want to die ever again. but again like i said before, the key word for dazai is “extent” so, these little things to some extent contribute to a sense of fulfilment which helps him keep death at bay. thats why he’s bent on saving chuuya bc he knows they can share in their suffering and make life better for each other. its not like he wants chuuya to suffer. chuuya will suffer nonetheless like every other human. but in suffering together there is something to be found so he doesnt want him to cease being human. 

this covers more or less the intertextuality between Stormbringer and Fifteen. i just wanna talk a bit more about a couple other moments in Stormbringer that i feel are p important because they put some things in the series in perspective and also made the dead apple moment 10x more emotional 🥺 one thing that really strikes me is the absolute fanon level of comfort that dazai and chuuya share in Strombringer. its like scenes form k-drama lol. 

so yeah this stuff. compare this with dazai’s reaction @atsushi when he drops im not saying that its not just a joke and that what im saying should be the right way to look at this contrast. its not like that at all. but what this does is give an estimate to the readers just how close and comfortable dazai feels when its chuuya. and this plus everything i rambling on abt for so long also gives us an estimate about the sincerity of dazais feelings. now 2 things always bothered me : the fact that dazai actually left chuuya and the fact that after the fight against lovecraft he actualy deserted him (this again can ofc be construed as just a humorous bit but still it did leave a bad taste in my mouth) dazai leaving the mafia is ofc something he had to do to fulfil oda’s dying wish but it still dint sit right with me that he would abandon chuuya. just like oda levaing is harder on dazai, dazai leaving is harder on chuuya. its always harder on the one left behind. so anyway, these sorts of things sometimes made me doubt dazai’s feelings but now that stormbringer clears it all up i do think there is a larger motif at work here. when mori offers dazai to come back to the mafia in s2 we see him saying that it was mori who kicked him out and that he did so because he was afraid dazai would usurp his position. so he set it up in a way that dazai would be forced to leave but on his own accord. now more than usurpation i believe what mori really did fear is that dazai had no allegiance to the mafia (which is actually true) bc he doesnt have that sense of loyalty and that to him his friends were more important than swearing allegiance to mori. (which again is true). so by getting oda killed, the message that mori seemed to be giving out was if dazai didnt leave he would do it again. and if we consider ango’s betrayal which had already transpired at that point, the one mori would next target to sort of get at dazai would inevitably be chuuya. this is only conjecture but still, i do believe this might as well be true because then it would explain why dazai didnt carry chuuya back to the base after their fight [something he was v comfortable doing in Stormbringer. in fact in the first case he carries chuuya back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so he could hear albatross’ last words 🥺] its because mori needs to know unlike dazai, chuuya is absolutely loyal to him which regrettably he is. it kinda becomes imperative therefore on part of dazai to make it seem that way to mori. that they really are at each others throats and that dazai is insignificant to chuuya. and that the mafia comes before dazai. (which is not true bc we see chuuya protecting his friend [shirase] while also staying loyal to the mafia in Stormbringer) 

mori also in his own way tries to provoke hostility b/w them like in Dead Dpple when he was all like yeah so dazai is the star and chuuya is merely bait. so it kinda makes sense if dazai left the mafia not only to like do good work but also to protect chuuya from mori. also the fact that chuuya did the same thing— left the Sheep and joined PM to protect Shirase from the mafia makes be believe that my speculation is plausible given all the parallels we find between dazai and chuuya. 

and the last bit is about the brilliant Dead Apple scene and how much added context it gets in light of Stormbringer. 

in this scene dazai first says: “you used Corruption believing in me?” and then the translation is “how beautiful” which is an okay translation but the exact thing dazai said was “nakasetekurerune” which literally is : youre gonna make me cry you know? now my knowledge of japanese is like duolingo level but i do know “nakasete” has to do with crying and “kureru” is used by the receiver to indicate he’s receiving a feeling/object from someone close. so basically chuuya trusting him is something so beautiful that it could almost move him to tears. now lets look at dazai’s intro in Stormbringer:

dazai, being dazai, ofc would be able to tell genuine trust from fealty out of fear so ofc the fact that chuuya has this kind of blind faith in him is overwhelming for him. also stormbringer really expands on the sight effects of Corruption in full detail. its so PAINFUL and to think that chuuya would jump into it right away for dazai’s sake.....no wonder he is so soft when deactivating him. and then he proceeds to flirt for a little bit with the Snow White and the kiss of life reference. but this flirting doesnt seem even a little out of place now. it doesn't feel like smth meaningless or smth that dazai is just saying as a joke. that there is absoluetly no subtext to making a statement like that. instead that kind of flirting feels like smth inspired from a deep, deep familiarity with someone who really shares his heart and soul. when he talks to chuuya abt the problem of not knowing whether he is human or not, it is a problem that is as central to him as it’s to chuuya. not feeling fully reconciled to a human identity is a problem thats fundamental to both of them. I don’t think familiarity gets any deeper than this where you share the exact same psychological problem. so its really wonderful how we can trace the skk development now: what starts out as a crush on part of dazai or not a crush exactly rather, a feeling of perplexed admiration because chuuya is breathtakingly beautiful inside out, eventually gain all these layers and develops into something meaningful where they have so much faith in each other and where they literally help each other live. knowing someone out there shares your exact issue so you’re really not alone in this is perhaps the greatest comfort in the world. also now its clear how both of them would have turned out had they not met each other and had they not taken in rimbaud’s advice. chuuya in his desire to learn about himself and frustration at not being able to do the same would have perhaps spiralled downward and ended up becoming like verlaine. he is his double here after all. and had dazai not seen chuuya up close being the wonderful person he is, he too would have probably ended up developing a god complex and becoming like fyodor. dazai is there to save chuuya literally from dying a monster and chuuya is there to remind him he too can try and mend his ways and embrace his human side. after all chuuya has so much trust him in! (despite him having questionable methods) for both of them, it starts out as an attempt to be more human, then establishing a fruitful partnership, and finally coming in terms with their feelings to some extent. for dazai, he’s comfortable enough to engage in occasional flirting at this point and for chuuya it’s playing along with dazai’s antics (well with the ones he get 💀 pretty boy has half a functional braincell) and openly showing his concern for him. so really by confirming their feelings what strombringer does is enhance the skk development in a way that Dead Apple doesnt seem like fan service anymore. the fact that dazai would casually flirt or be comfortable with chuuya landing on his crotch 💀 all that isnt as ridiculous as it first seemed because stormbringer lays the groundwork and anticipates all the intimate/flirty skk moments that have happened till now and ig will happen again soon. 

[obaewankenobis]

for forever — obi-wan kenobi

pairing(s)  :  obi-wan kenobi x reader ( mostly focused on obi-wan’s character, not the relationship because i am a hoe for this man )

summary  :  after the fall of the jedi order, you can finally be together. alternatively, obi-wan needs therapy/deserves happiness.

word count  :  2.1k

warning(s)  :  character death, a bit of angst i guess but it’s mostly fluff.

notes   :  roughly edited so i apologize if things don’t make sense, i honestly came up with this on a whim and have No Idea what was going through my head when i wrote this. the povs also switch a lot but enjoy </3.

       The sand bit at his fair skin, the grainy winds of Tatooine ruffled through his auburn locks, peppered with strands of grey, as Obi-Wan Kenobi stood, rigid and grief stricken. Kind wrinkles framed his eyes, eyes weighed down by exhaustion and desolation, the memory of a thousand wars flickering in the brilliant blue reflection. Without speaking, the woman looking at him from afar knew he had suffered a lifetime of hardship and grief, his aching heart not given a moment to mourn the loss of those closest to him. The mahogany cloak billowed around his body, covering the burnt, tattered tan robes he wore, as the wind picked up, signaling there would be little time before the twin suns set and it was much too dangerous to be outside. Snuggled between the lone man’s arms, swathed in soft cream blankets to shelter him from the cruel and unforgiving weather, was a baby. With sea blue eyes and the sparse tufts of pale blonde hair, the newborn was the mirror image of his father — that in itself was bittersweet.

       Fire. That was all Obi-Wan could remember, the smoldering lava confining him and his enemy — once his friend, his brother — inside a tight circle of flashing blue and blazing rage. Now, things were blissfully quiet, as if the universe was trying to give him peace of mind after what it had taken from him. With heavy shoulders and hollow eyes, Obi-Wan was a shell of who he used to be: a great warrior and an excellent negotiator, all gone. His last mission was here, on Tatooine, to deliver the baby to his aunt and uncle: Owen and Beru Lars. Then, he would spend the rest of his years wasting away in a sandy prison, languishing in his defeat.

       “Is it true?” The woman from afar, who had taken to staring at him from a distance, finally approached him, awaiting his answer with bated breath — Beru. Is it true? The words reverberated in his head, as the reality came crashing down upon him. The woman in front of him needed certainty, she needed answers, answers Obi-Wan could not give her.

       “Yes,” came the final reply. Who knew a single word could hold such heavy meaning? Yes. An entire government who’s history spanned hundreds of years prior collapsed within a single day? Yes, that had happened. His religion, who he had devoted his entire life to and poured his soul into, gone? Yes, decimated without a sliver of mercy. The baby’s father, the hero of the galaxy, the crown jewel of the Jedi Order, killed? Yes, murdered in cold blood.

       Beru finally brought her attention to the boy nestled within the robes of the man. “Is he . . . ” She seemed to only speak in half questions, as if finishing the sentence would make it a harsh reality, and leaving the query to hang heavy in the air would somehow leave her life in a fairytale.

       “Yes,” he replied again, nearly choking on his words as the boy let out a tiny coo, as if he sensed they were discussing him.

       “Oh.” There was a pause, a flicker of hesitation, before the woman decided to continue her pattern of half inquiries to form her own story. “May I?” With shaking arms, Beruu reached forward to take the boy from Obi-Wan’s grasp and welcome the baby into her own warm embrace. Part of him didn’t want to let the child go, for once he did he would have no real connection to his past life. Letting go of the boy meant letting go of everything, from his first steps in the Temple, to his meeting with his apprentice on Naboo, to the countless, sleepless nights in a war torn galaxy, it would all be gone. The woman’s tender smile and patient gaze was nearly patronizing, she was trying to sympathize with something she couldn’t possibly understand. No one could. A wave of fury washed over him, trapping him in a cage of his own emotions. Obi-Wan had never felt such an intensity roll over his body, preferring to keep his temperament a tranquil, emotionless pit. But this raw, uncontrollable fury was soon washed out with an even more overpowering bout of sorrow, shaking him with such force it made his knees wobble and threaten to give way. For over thirty years he was taught emotions were the enemy, by being detached and aloof he would survive, and look where that had gotten him.  

      Another soft cry from the baby jerked Obi-Wan back into the present moment, as his tiny arms reached for the woman, drawn to her sunny kindness and comforting aura; he realized a place to call home or a comforting shoulder to cry on was never something he could offer as the baby grew older. The woman made a small clicking sound with her tongue, looking up at Obi-Wan with an expectant gaze, and yet his grip on the baby remained the same. Although his mind seemed desperate to listen to logic, to reason, his body remained motionless, following the dull ache and painful longing in his heart. The battle between his mind and emotions lasted a fraction of a second, and at last, as it had time and time again, his mind won.

       Like he had done all his life, selflessly sacrificing himself for thee good of the galaxy, he let go.

     The woman took the baby in her arms, and began her journey back to her homestead, pausing just slightly to exchange one last parting smile and a word of comfort. “I think someone wants to see you, Master Kenobi.” With that, Beru began walking, a happy baby in her arms, to her husband, just as the sky merged from clear blue to salmon pink and hazy orange, the twin suns beginning to disappear over the horizon rapidly. As the light dimmed and dusk settled in, the man could make out the shadowy figures of Beru and Owen Lars, holding Luke Skywalker in unmoving content.

       Here to see me? Obi-Wan frowned, reflecting on the woman’s words. This was not his home, his very identity was supposed to remain a secret, who could possibly want to see him? Unless . . .

       No, that was impossible. He had mourned your death just as he had mourned every other Jedi’s death the moment their own clones turned against them, and he would not allow even a tiny sliver of hope to crawl its way back into his heart. Because in the end, he could only cling to the belief that things would get better, and false hope in such a desperate time would be his undoing.

—

       You wondered how long you could stand in the shadows before he noticed you, standing awkwardly by his dewback as he delivered Padmé and Anakin's son to his new family. Like Obi-Wan, you had suffered the loss of everything and everyone you knew, your entire life destroyed in the span of a second, and all you could do was stand there, watching everything burn. The Jedi robes you once wore with pride, robes that were once a symbol of humility and hope across the galaxy, now put a priceless bounty on the head of anyone who wore them.

       “Obi-Wan?” The name was dry in your throat, mouth parched and lips cracked due to the harsh Tatooine heat.

       Though he was always subtle, you could see his entire demeanor change, the way his shoulders became straighter, the way his hands, once balled up into fists of worry, were now relaxed and laying loosely at his side. In a moment, he had turned around and closed the distance between the two of you, caramel boots growing dull and scuffed as he stepped through the unforgiving desert surface beneath him. “You’re alive,” his voice came out in a hushed, cautious tone, disbelief still tainting the edges. “I thought — Yoda and I — the only ones left — ” his words grew more jumbled with each passing phrase that left his lips.

       “But I’m here. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere,” you cut him off, the calm gentleness of your tone making him stop in his tracks. Slowly, each movement pained and deliberate, you stepped closer, inching your way forward until he was right in front of you. Neither of you could look away; with the Jedi Order dead, there was no reason to hide in secrecy now.

—

       To realize he was not alone was comforting, but to know it was you he could seek company in was freeing. In that moment, with the distance so close between your bodies, Obi-Wan dared not breathe, his eyes fluttering shut as he let out the smallest of breaths — this was all he had ever wanted, and still, despite everything, it was something he believed he could never have.

       He wouldn’t allow himself to believe it. Not after he spent all those years repressing the desire that burned so deeply within him it began to rot within his heart, trapped with no release in sight. At one point, he had every reason to deny the yearning stirring within him, but now? Now there was no war, no Council, no code, no nothing to stop himself from unleashing decades of pent up turmoil within him.

       And stars, it was suffocating.

       He couldn’t do this.

       “You know you don’t have to push me away any more.” A suggestion more than a factual statement; voice thick and barely audible.

       Was this a dream, a fantasy meant to be chased after in his sleep? Or some sick, twisted premonition the Force was trying to convey to him? So many nights he had spent languishing in his loneliness, dazed in a delusion that remained but a figment of his imagination.

       “I know.”

       “What?”

       “The Jedi are no more. We . . . We don’t have to pretend we don’t have  — ” The words were bittersweet on his tongue; even with no one there to watch and scold him, he could not betray his way of life so easily. That everyone I have ever loved, I have watched die in my arms? And throughout all of that, I have never been tempted by the dark side, but if I lost you, I would be afraid of my own morality? Those were not easy thoughts to formulate into a coherent sentence — there were no words Obi-Wan could say that would even begin to describe how he felt.

       Instead, in a tender gesture of vulnerability, he reached out through the Force, and all at once it came crashing down on him.

       This feeling . . . it was all consuming, and he was drowning, struggling to keep his head above water and not surrender to its frosty depths. He was submerged in an endless stretch of icy ocean water so frigid and numbing, that he felt nothing and everything all at once. It was terrifying to think — and let you know — you held so much power over him, but in the same instance, he felt at peace, like a weight he had dragged around for decades was finally lifted off his shoulders. I love you, rang as bright as the city lights on Coruscant and as clear as a Nabooian waterfall. I love you.

       “I love you, too.” He heard your voice in a soft whisper, swelled up with emotion as you took in everything. Chills erupted down his spine; he couldn't quite tell if it was from the inky blanket being tugged across the sky as dusk descended into nightfall, or if it was the four word phrase that left your lips.

—

       “I cannot live without you,” Obi-Wan let out a shaky exhale, breath fanning across your face just slightly, your foreheads making contact in the lightest movements. You felt dizzy, in a dreamlike trance, for you had never been this close to him. You could see every horror he had survived in his glassy blue eyes, notice every perfect imperfection that blemished his skin and made him all the more real. In a moment, his face had become blurred as he closed the distance and finally, finally, his lips were on yours, and you connected in a long awaited, eternally sought after kiss. You could feel his hands, calloused but gentle, cupping your face, as your own fingers found their way to the nape of his neck, the kiss grew more fervent and needy, every rule you had ever lived by crumbling as you melted deeper into his touch.

       After a long moment, you broke away, breathless, your face still tantalizingly close to his.

       “I will never leave you, Obi-Wan,” your lips parted in a determined vow, a promise you would keep to your dying breath. The Jedi were dead, and yet you never felt more alive.

[theskythatwritesofthisplace]

Amongst Hellhounds: Old Friend

As Quinn maintained the domain. Nyx was itching to get home. To get to her pair, her child's creature. Both needed protecting she thought. When ever she had to, she jumped to the queen's side in her factual world.. with Rogue's help of course. She stayed within the Hellhounds kingdom otherwise, as she promised. "She doesn't go crazy with you doing that? I remember it did.. quite a bit actually." Syn said, spooking Nyx as she appeared a way from Rogue. "Are gonna always pop up like that!? I hate that shit!!" She screamed in pure paranoia. "It would appear you don't like a lot of things anymore. Sit with me for a moment." Said gesturing to sit on one of the couches. He motioned for her to sit close. She sat on the couch opposite of him.

"What are you looking to know..?" She asked dryly. "My father.. he speaks of you in such high regard.. it would seem you're all grown up. Understand I understood what happened." Syn whispered. She sat still and said "Syn I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. He figured her out. We said no!" "I know." He answered trying to calm her. "He possessed me!!" She screamed in tears. "He made me relive it!!" She cried holding herself up right. He ran to her and held her close. He whispered "I told you I understood. It's okay now." "How's.. your dad doing. He's protective huh?" She asked quickly wiping away her tears.

"You were meant for great pain little one. Who knew you could suppress it just like that?" He asked. "..You know, I've finally felt a day that required no pain. None! But there's always a painful part to be had. I won't get that again." Nyx explained with a blank face. "Tell me about it?" He asked. "She was able to travel. Able to feel the way she wanted to. And for the first time.. exude us. We were at least in part.. fully in her world. Happy." Nyx explained. She told him of her adventures. How certain choices may have changed her, but she was no less.. was thriving. To a point of confusion. She explained how Ann did everything she could to perfection, only to be cast aside.

"Why continue if you keep losing?" Syn asked "Because she finds herself blessed yet cursed being able to get here. Death is different here. She could make peace in a way humans literally have to die to do. And.. us." She answered "Us?" He pried. "Oh!! Quinn." she said with a prideful smile. She stood up, began to pace back and forth comfortably. "You saw the owl. You saw her just sitting and watching. Never doing anything. But even that got us in trouble. Remember?" She asked. "Of course." He answered.

"The owl herself is the beast. Melinoe. But Quinn.. she's.. she's the logic, the strategy, the memory. She has a voice now.. a beautiful one." Nyx explained. "When did you hear it first?" Syn asked. "When she flatlined.. when.. we flatlined." She answered. Syn's face grew somber. He knew 'We' meant they almost died in both worlds. "He left you to die?" He pried in sorrow. "I took on too much damage. Since it was only me and her, I was trying my best to do two parts instead of one. I had to. Ann was giving birth! He left me alone within Ann. I could feel us going under." She told him. She stopped looking straight at him with dark green eyes and said "I saw the owl bolt to us. It biting at us. Chirping as if it had a message. But we could not move. Ann was quiet."

"She has her own young now?" Syn whispered. "Yes. So much has happened old friend. So much." She replied finally sitting next to him. She told him of Sol and Warden. How they each were opposite of each other, but matching without knowing. How Ann holds whispers for her oldest. "So much indeed." Syn finally said taking everything in. "So what's the deal with this fox? Father keeps bringing him up like he's the final ingredient to a bomb." He asked.

"He's hard to explain. I feel like he killed the fool in me. Can I truly punish someone for making me wiser? I feel like he killed the philosopher in Quinn. Can I really punish him for making her deadly again? I don't know. I have been meaning to ask for your help with him. Your father saw me try to attack Felix.. using a glamor to look like him." She explained feeling odd, pointing to the glass box with Renegade floating inside. Not only could she not lie to the fox, she could not lie about him.. unlike the fox. "He has her claim doesn't he?" Syn said in worry. "Yes. But more so.. ours. I need you to help me take me and Quinn's claim. Maybe that way.. he could have a clean slate." She answered.

He stood astonished at the request he was given. Pacing wondering how to go about it. He stopped and said "Father has his creature embedded in him doesn't he?" Nyx nodded yes. "We would be killing him in this realm, you understand that!?" He questioned. Nyx rose from the couch staring at him with black eyes and said grimly "The Body's 1st objective: No king stands before her."

[a-froger-epic]

About the Interview

Since I posted the interview with J - a woman who has described herself to me as one of Queen’s first “groupies” - there has naturally been a lot of discussion about the veracity of the interview, the source, and my own motivations in posting it. I fully expected that, and I will say once more that nobody (apart from a small handful of anonymous trolls) has behaved inappropriately in these discussions. I have not received any “hate” because of this. There is no “drama”. Nobody is wrong, or a party-pooper, or attacking me by expressing their doubts. I have seen some awful bile spat at people anonymously recently, and that kind of behaviour has got to stop.

Now, if you don't think I am genuine, there is obviously nothing I can do about that. 

However, what I am hoping to do here is add as much transparency as I can in regard to how and why the interview happened, and also share my own full thoughts on it with you. 

First things first. No unverified, anonymous source can be seen as definitive proof of anything, ever. That is my stance. I have myself been criticised for so much as suggesting that other anonymous sources tied in with Freddie’s history are not 100% proof of one thing or another. But for me, an anonymous source can never mean more than at best: this seems very likely, but we can’t be 100% certain.

Perhaps I was naive to think that what I considered to be enough of a disclaimer at the beginning of the interview, was enough. My intention was to express that while I, personally, believe J to be a) the person she says she is and b) genuine about what she remembers, that does not mean I believe everything she has told me is fact or happened in that exact way. I thought this was obvious. Perhaps I was unclear, and I apologise for that. 

So let me be clear. There is nobody in the world who has perfect, factual recollections of what happened to them almost 50 years ago. Not even J herself claims for one moment that this is the case. She mentions several times that these are old memories from when she was very young, that she indulged in recreational drugs at the time, and that her views - of course - carry a personal bias. All this, I thought, would be enough for readers to know not to take everything they read at face value.

All of the above is why I kept my own thoughts and notes to a minimum within the interview, why I didn’t correct or point out obvious mistakes. I simply assumed that everybody would go away and read the interview against all the sources and information they already have, as I have done myself.

But maybe that was somewhat irresponsible of me, and I should have been the first person to dig into how J’s memories fit in (or don’t) with the information which is already out there, and how to put the two together. While I refrained from sharing all my thoughts alongside the interview (although I have fragmentally done so in response to other people since), others like @quirkysubject​ (here), @iwilltrytobereasonable​ (here), @emmaandorlando​ (here), @sarinataylor​ and @talkingismylifewrites​ (here) all had some very good things to say. All of them make excellent points. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SEND THEM NASTY MESSAGES. I frankly can’t believe I have to say this at all.

I found myself in a difficult position, because as the person who had spoken to J and asked her all these questions, I did not feel as though I could dissect her words as freely as anybody else. She has put a lot of trust in me, and I do not want her to think that I question her honesty and intentions. Because I don’t. If I hadn’t felt as sure as I reasonably can be that she is the person she says she is, and that her story is genuine from her perspective, if I had been in any doubt about that, I would not have made it public.

Here's the thing:

Even if you don't believe J knew the boys, her recollections of the time period alone are still valuable and incredibly interesting, giving us a glimpse of early 1970s London. 

But I do believe J. Why?

Before I answer that, let me just say: I fully realise that of course the fact that it was my story J happened across, and me she decided to speak to because of it, makes me more inclined to want to believe her. However, other authors I'm friends with, as well as myself, have received messages from older people several times before. It does trigger nostalgia when a story is very strongly rooted in a time somebody has lived through. There are older people in the fandom. (I recently ran a poll and all age groups were represented even here on Tumblr.) 

Now, on to the reasons why my communication with J has felt nothing but authentic to me.

1. She was never in any rush to get in touch with me or relate information to me. It took her a few days to email me after she first spoke to me in the comment section, where I begged her to please get in touch. She then sent me the same email five times, over two days, because she couldn’t quite work my email address out at first. 

I ended up asking several questions more than once to get an answer because they were overlooked. The conversation went off on tangents, and we chatted about her weekend at her friend’s house (and I was presented with a beautiful snapshot of the beach), the memory box her daughter made for her, her work and other things. There were stretches of days at a time when J simply didn’t find the time to get back to me. And I may have badgered her with a few too many emails asking her to please remember to answer my questions when she has a moment. In short, it was the opposite of somebody rushing to share their story. I was doing all the rushing. (I realise that I am asking you to take my word for this, but this did not all happen in a vacuum. @plainxte​, @quirkysubject​, @fingersfallingupwards​, @onegoldenglance​ and @freddieofhearts​ witnessed the process first-hand, as well as my excitement and some of J’s original emails.)

2. J was very trusting. I know her full name, where she lives and her place of work. She sent me current pictures of herself and her husband unprompted. At no point did she ask me not to reveal her identity, that is a call I made because I did not want to expose her to any possible harassment.

3. There were a few things in her account of what she remembered which were so obviously at odds with what we know to be true - it’s well-known John is a bit taller than Roger, for example, but J remembered him shorter, Queen went to Sydney in ‘85, J remember it as ‘84 - that I couldn’t help but think, if I was somebody who was trying to convince others of a made up story, the first thing I would surely do is make absolutely certain to get the facts which are easily findable right. Instead, J always lead with: this was all a long time ago, I’m sorry, I’m doing my best trying to remember.

I realise that a very clever hoaxer could do all this and convince me. But here the question has to be, to what end? This would be quite an act for someone to arrange, to make it seem quite so naturalistic. Nobody would go through the trouble of doing that for nothing. There’s no monetary gain. Scandal? There is nothing scandalous in the interview. Attention? J is barely an active member of the fandom. She has managed to create a Tumblr though: @since72​. There is one post currently. 

It also took her a couple of days to get back to me after I posted the interview.

In brief, I have no logical explanation for why somebody would go to these lengths and fool me so cleverly, with such attention to detail, when there seems to be nothing in it for them. Why then did J bother to talk to me at all? What was her motivation? Well, after I thanked her profusely for doing this, she simply said that she felt she owed me as reading my story had brought back so many memories for her.

All of the above is why I strongly feel that J is very much real and genuine. But I completely understand that it all hinges on the fact that in order to believe everything I say is true, you would have to trust me. And I know that as I am just another person on the internet, you have no reason to do that. But I’ll get to me in a moment.

Here are a few more doubts which I have seen come up with regard to J.

Why would she be reading fanfiction about people she knew? That’s weird.

To be perfectly honest, exactly that was my first reaction, too. But then I thought about it and talked to friends about it. 

Firstly, J says herself that she was never a close friend. I agree that it would be far weirder to read fanfiction about somebody you knew very well. Having said that, John Deacon’s son has been known to read Queen fanfic about his father (and read it out on his YouTube channel). But I think given that it’s been half a century and J has been watching Queen in the public eye ever since, it isn’t really all that strange to read about fictional versions of them.

Secondly, a friend of mine noticed that it seems as though older people in the fandom find J overall more credible than younger people. I’m 35, and it is true that the older we get, the more we look for the things which remind us of our younger years. There is an urge to remember and re-live. You can trust me on this, or you can ask anyone over the age of 30 or 40. Nostalgia is real, and it only comes to you with age. Why would somebody who had briefly brushed shoulders with people who later became celebrities not take an interest in them later? It seems natural that she would. As J says, she never stopped being a fan of Queen’s music and came across fanfic when she looked up Adam Lambert. Is it really so strange that she would find fanfic about them entertaining? Having given it all this thought, I really don’t think so.

It’s unrealistic that she was so young.

This is something I have to disagree with. Times were different. Pete Townshend entered Ealing Art School at age 16, according to Wikipedia. My mother (currently 62) moved 600km away from home at the age of 15 to study piano at music college. I myself moved out from home at 17 (no tragic reasons whatsoever), but that’s beside the point. I have seen it framed in a way where it was said that “It isn’t realistic that a 16-year-old was hanging out with Queen who were all in their 20s”. I agree, it would be a little strange if the story was that one 16-year-old girl was hanging out with Queen by herself as their good buddy. But that is not the story. (Even though it is well-known that during the 60s and 70s, young teenaged groupies did in fact hang out with rock groups very frequently. Of course, J was not that kind of groupie.) She was simply part of a large circle of friends, by her own admission not a close friend of the band. Personally, I struggle to see how this is unrealistic in any way. 

It seems super suspicious that she lost her photos in a flood.

Yes, it does. I agree. J realises that, too. 

Like @quirkysubject​ said in her post, I don’t blame anyone who is too sceptical at this point. But there actually was a pretty bad flood in Australia in 1988.

There are mistakes in J’s story!

Yes, there are! Let me point them out to you. I already mentioned John’s height and Queen being in Australia in ‘85, not ‘84. I also think that her perception that Freddie was taller than Roger in ‘72, but no longer in the 80s, had everything to do with platform shoes. I have to say that I did ask J some questions which I knew were things which are almost impossible to remember about people you weren’t particularly close to. I knew there was no way she would be able to accurately recall their heights, but I still wanted to know what the impression was which she had come away with. I don’t for one moment think she could possibly know why and if Freddie’s nickname was really ‘Freddie Baby’ at EAS well before she went there. But I still wanted to hear what she thought of that. This is why I stated specifically that this entire interview consists of one woman’s subjective opinions and memories. That alone means you can absolutely not take any of it as definitive fact. That just isn’t how memory works.

Kensington Market and the stall:

J’s answers on this one thoroughly confused me. Not only did she say that while she saw Freddie at the market a lot, Roger was hardly ever there, but there was also some Indian man working at the stall during the week (who I don’t think could have been Freddie’s father). She saw Freddie at multiple stalls, a girl named Jill also worked at the stall… and J was under the impression that Roger and Freddie hadn’t even started the stall. None of this made a whole lot of sense to me, until somebody pointed out that the original stall owned by Roger and Freddie must have closed in the second half of 1971. (Sources: Queen in Cornwall & Queen: As it Began)

It is confirmed (same sources as above) that Freddie worked at the market until as late as 1974. I think it is therefore entirely possible that J would have seen him working at Alan’s stall, or helping out at other stalls, and the likelihood that Roger would have come to hang out with him on a weekend is fairly high, in my opinion. Later, reading about Freddie and Roger running a stall, J would have had no reason to think that this wasn’t the same stall she had seen them at. And yes, this is of course only a theory.

The gay pride march:

@rushingheadlong​, who has recently done a lot of fantastic research about Tim, confirms that there’s no chance (as far as we know) that Tim could have been at the march. Did any of them really go? Is J misremembering entirely? Could it be that one of them or two of them went, and looking back, J remembers it as all of them (minus John, however) because she was used to mostly seeing them all together? Does she remember them from another protest march and got it mixed up with the gay rights march? I can’t say. The march and who exactly went is a big question mark. Even J herself is only “pretty sure” that they were all there, and I have to say, I can’t tell you who was where exactly when I think back to when I was 16. Certainly not when there was a big group of people around. And that was only 20 years ago for me.

Lastly, I’m going to try and use the guide our awesome local historian @emmaandorlando​ provided on how to analyse new sources. Of course, I’m not a historian (and I’m also partly the source by being the interviewer, so I can perhaps only do this impertectly), but let’s give it a go.

1. Who wrote this document? 

‘Written historical records were created by individuals in a specific historical setting for a particular purpose. Until you know who created the document you have read, you cannot know why it was created or what meanings its author intended to impart by creating it’.

In this case, the answer is two-fold because essentially I wrote the interview, in as far as that I asked the questions, I gave it shape and presented it in the form in which it came, but the answers are J’s. I completely understand that this is already a big stumbling block for many, because not only am I presenting her as an anonymous source, but many of you don’t know anything about me. If you follow me on Tumblr, you will know that I have shared more with the internet than is probably wise. But still, I am somebody you know little about, presenting to you a person you know even less about. Whether you trust me or not is entirely down to your own judgement and instinct, and that will be different for everybody.

(I’ve seen it said that I’m plugging my own work through this interview. If that was my plan, I’m afraid it’s failed miserably. I looked, and DoA has gained a whopping 2 or 3 kudos.)

2. Who is the intended audience?

‘The relationship between author and audience is one of the most basic elements of communication and one that will tell you much about the purpose of the document. Think of the difference between the audience for a novel and that for a diary, or for a law and for a secret treaty. Knowing the audience allows you to begin to ask important questions, such as; “Should I believe what I am being told?”’

The intended audience is the Queen fandom on Tumblr and AO3. I have no interest in sharing this anywhere else because I’m not familiar with the other fan communities (Facebook? Instagram?) and wouldn’t know how to go about it. For J, the intended audience was mostly me, an author she likes who was very interested in her memories.

3. Why was this document written?

‘Everything is written for a reason. Understanding the purpose of a historical document is critical to analysing the strategies that the author employs within it. A document intended to convince will employ logic; a document intended to entertain will employ fancy; a document attempting to motivate will employ emotional appeals. In order to find these strategies, you must know what purpose the document was intended to serve.’

I got really, really excited. That is the reason. When J got in touch with me, I had a decision to make. I could ask her all the questions I wanted privately and share her answers only with my "inner circle” of fandom friends, or I could share everything with the fandom spaces where I’ve been very active in the last two years. I wanted to share the excitement and decided to do the latter.

I also wanted to present the interview in a way where it would be an engaging, well-structured read and not simply all of her emails to me dumped here with a quick ‘there you go’. So I tried to wrap it in a beautiful “package”, which is why I asked her for her art, for example.

4. What type of document is this?

‘The form of a document is vital to its purpose. The form or genre in which a document appears is always carefully chosen. Genre contains its own conventions, which fulfil the expectations of author and audience.’

An interview, written by somebody who has never interviewed anyone before.

5. Can I believe this document?

‘To be successful, a document designed to persuade, to recount events, or to motivate people to action must be believable to its audience. For the critical historical reader, it is that very believability that must be examined. Every author has a point of view, and exposing the assumptions of the document is an essential task for the reader. 

You must treat all claims sceptically (even while admiring audacity, rhetorical tricks, and clever comparisons). One question you certainly want to ask is, “is this a likely story?” Testing the credibility of a document means looking at it from the other side.’

This is for all of you to decide for yourselves, and that was always the case. Far be it from me to be upset with anyone who straight up doesn’t believe a word I say, doesn’t believe J is real or any other scepticism. I’ll say it again, DO NOT harass anyone for expressing their opinions on this! It is NOT WRONG to discuss a new source! It’s wonderful that people are doing it!

And so, we come to that last question: Is this a likely story? 

Personally, I can firmly answer that with: Yes. In my personal opinion, it is. I find J’s story very likely and there is close to nothing that makes me question that these are indeed her real memories. But given the nature of human memory, they are just as imperfect as anybody else’s and do not, and should not, supersede any factual, verified information we already have.

With that, I hope to have provided a bit more clarity and transparency, and leave you - as before - to make up your own minds.

[confusedbutstillgay]

MF Gotham Logic.

Okay so stabbing/blood/shooting trigger warning, please DON’T READ if this will trigger you.

Hello, I’m gonna be talking about a bit of Gotham logic today. Before you start complaining about your least favorite plot holes, stupid twists the writers put in there, characters that only popped up for like 5 seconds… nah I’m not here to talk about that shit. In all honesty, I didn’t watch much of Gotham, so I can’t really talk about that. What I am here to talk about is Gotham’s logic of how the human body works. Spoilers ahead.

Let’s start off with one of the most well-known scenes. Ed shooting Oz and letting his body fall into the river. Lemme explain.

Infection. The Gotham river has gotta be polluted as fuck, so if and only if Oz actually survived he would have a hell of an infection.

Pressure. The pressure of the river, as I’ve heard, would probably turn Ozzie’s insides into outsides, especially since he was shot in the stomach region. 

The river itself. Undercurrents especially I’m worried about. How the fuck would Oz get himself out of that in time? And yes, he would have to, since he would die in minutes from blood loss. He doesn’t have enough time for him to just wash out and be magically okay. Not to mention the risk of, idk, breaking bones and stuff from getting bumped around in the river so much.

The risk of hypothermia and/or frostbite, since rivers are fucking cold regardless of the time of day or the season. 

Now let’s talk about what Ivy would have had to do in order to heal Ozzie. First off, she would have to know how to perform surgery, since she would have had to sew up the walls of Oz’s internal organs and also get the bullet out if it was still in there. Second, well, we talked about infection, probably having to patch up broken bones from the river, hypothermia, etc, etc…

Okay, let’s go to something simpler. Bombs.

Mother. Fucking. Bombs.

Inhales

Do you know how far away you need to be to survive from a grenade? 30 feet. This is because your tissue tears from the highly compressed air that slams into you, and your brain and lungs can collapse and bleed internally. Just imagine how far away you need to be from a bomb to survive. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES GRENADES/BOMBS HAVE FUCKING APPEARED IN GOTHAM WITH CLOSE TO NO CONSEQUENCES EVEN THOUGH PEOPLE WERE LIKE NOT EVEN 2 FEET AWAY FROM THE GODDAMN GRENADE

So now let’s talk about the whole severed-hand thing. 

Oh, god, where do I start with this shit.

Okay, let me start by saying: it’s possible, with modern medicine, to have your hand cut off and be able to use it again. BUT. But. You need to go through (I estimate) months of seriously hard physical therapy, and it’s frustrating and exhausting, but again, it’s possible. 

HOW THE FUCK DID THAT BITCH USE HER HAND AFTER LIKE A FEW DAYS?!?!?!?! LIKE MISS GIRL BE GLAD YOU CAN BARELY HOLD ONTO A KNIFE YOU SHOULDN’T EVEN BE ABLE TO USE YOUR HAND AT ALL.

*Clears throat*

Okay, let’s talk about Ozzie getting shrapnel in the eye. This is a bit of a problem for me when it comes to looking up the logic, since we don’t know how big the shrapnel was. If it was over 2 inches Ozzie’s getting some brain damage and probably internal bleeding. I feel like there, yes, is a chance he could survive but he’d have some brain damage. This would affect his temporal lobe, which could result in: difficulty learning and retaining new information, impaired factual and long-term memory, and persistent talking. But otherwise this seems to check out. 

Oh, boy. I wanna talk about Jerome getting stabbed in the neck. So. So, so, so. Getting stabbed in the neck is NOT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM an instant death. It can take a few minutes to a lot longer than you’d think to die from that shit. Also it looks as though he could have nicked a major artery… so that would mean death in a minute or two, from blood loss. 

Now, Theo’s biggest flaw here is NOT TAKING THE KNIFE OUT. Leaving the knife in means stemming the bleeding and allowing there to be a bit of a higher chance of living. 

Also I want to talk about the bleeding to the mouth… just no. From my knowledge this should not, in any way, shape, or form, happen unless he got tilted back and the blood from his throat SOMEHOW trickled up to his mouth. Actually the blood would go down, which would not be good for your stomach or possibly lungs… but anyways. The “bleeding by the mouth thing…” I’m starting to believe that shit doesn’t happen. Not as much as the media says, anyways. Yeah, yeah, I get that it’s a huge sign you got into a big fight, but that doesn’t mean it’s logical or right. Only way I would accept this is if you made a point that a tooth got knocked out (because I don’t think biting your tongue hard would result in THAT much blood… also if your character is good at fighting this probably wouldn’t happen). 

And last but not least, Ecco dying. Now, getting stabbed/shot in the heart is… fickle. It all depends on the situation (and yes, people have survived getting shot/stabbed in the heart. It happens) and how quickly you lose blood/how quickly your brain loses oxygenated blood. BUT AGAIN WITH THE BLOOD POURING FROM THE MOUTH THING. WHY. WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH THIS SHIT. 

Anyways, that’s all for right now, if you have questions about any other scenes my ask box is open and I will gladly speak about these things :> Goodbye!!!

Edit:

@yanderebeat​

Ohhhh. My. God. How the fuck did I forget this??? (Also clearly this is gonna be a thread now so WHOOP)

Okay so it takes like. 4-6 min for someone to die while choking and 10 min for irreversible brain death. IT TAKES. 4-6 MIN. FOR SOMEONE TO DIE. WHILE CHOKING.

This is because of the lack of oxygen that’s going to the brain. SO FUCKING EXPLAIN TO ME HOW AND WHY KRIS DIED THAT FUCKING QUICKLY. Only reason would be if her brain was already lacking oxygen but there’s no reason for that to have happened so like… why

Anyways thanks for the little reminder of that :>

[theomnicode]

OPM story too contrived or too convenient? A metarant

I'm hearing bunch of complaints being thrown around that exposition chapter did not extensively explain the grievances they have with the story plot like time travel, why were only couple s-rankers conveniently related to wc story the only ones at hand in the meeting, why have Garou and Saitama conveniently forgotten their memories of what happened so wc plot can continue, Garou learned time travel for no reason, future and past saitama merged but the cores did not, why doesn't Blast show up immediately after zero punch...and that its too contrived. Too convenient. It must be bad writing that we're all just lapping up because we're too dumb or something.

Not everything has to be explained via hand holding or holding a flashlight on it. Not everything is at it seems. Let's think about what Genos said when he came back from the future and got the memories from the core.

"I have no choice but to assume so, given the circumstances."

We as audience, know this is wrong. You can't assume it's factual evidence. Genos got memories from the core but how would he know they're even real? That he never questions anything that happened inside those memories, he never questions how or why he got them and now he just so happens to be extremely biased towards Saitama? To the point he's breaking the first rule Saitama taught to him, to shorten his long-ass speeches and now nobody believed him because it was too long?

Making assumptions is a deadly mistake.

Think outside of the box. The black box that so conveniently is shaped like a box that allows a person to communicate with OPM God that grants wishes. The OPM God that Saitama awoke.

In science, computing, and engineering, a black box is a system which can be viewed in terms of its inputs and outputs (or transfer characteristics), without any knowledge of its internal workings. Its implementation is "opaque" (black). The term can be used to refer to many inner workings, such as the ones of a transistor, an engine, an algorithm, the human brain, or an institution or government. To analyse an open system with a typical "black box approach", only the behavior of the stimulus/response will be accounted for, to infer the (unknown) box. The usual representation of this black box system is a data flow diagram centered in the box. The opposite of a black box is a system where the inner components or logic are available for inspection, which is most commonly referred to as a white box (sometimes also known as a "clear box" or a "glass box").

Imagine for a moment that OPM world is now inside a black box. But we are no longer able to shine light into it and analyze it, because information is simply going missing or not willingly exposed. That the world is being neatly boxed into some kind of reality that causes this uncanny feeling.

(That if we, as readers, are like Blast here, trying to make sense of opm world outside of this glass dome and opm world is now a black, impenetrable box, then a whole lot is going down in opm world that we are not privy about)

Question everything.

That's why there's a small vitruvian man Saitama on the cover art of The abyss, able to freely move himself inside the square and the circle. Saitama is one of the factors that is not beholden to the rules of the universe.

The Vitruvian Man (Italian: L'uomo vitruviano; [ˈlwɔːmo vitruˈvjaːno]) is a drawing by the Italian Renaissance artist and scientist Leonardo da Vinci, dated to c. 1490. Inspired by the writings by the ancient Roman architect Vitruvius, the drawing depicts a nude man in two superimposed positions with his arms and legs apart and inscribed in both a circle and square

Chances are, it's feeling contrived for a reason and we as audience, are allowed to think why and raise questions and red flags. Things are missing, information is only given out when the heroes figure it out themselves and blatantly question and ask for information about God (information that it would like to hide), important information like memories are going missing, inconsistencies in the plot and even the visual world of OPM, super-important information secretly being witheld and people are just plainly forgetting about important information like monsterizing and the secrets of it, like Garou mentions forgetting the secrets he learned since monsterization because he got punched too hard.

Even the author is dropping hints by having Zombieman throw lampshading.

Lampshade Hanging (or, more informally, "Lampshading") is the writers' trick of dealing with any element of the story that threatens the audience's Willing Suspension of Disbelief, whether a very implausible plot development, or a particularly blatant use of a trope, by calling attention to it and simply moving on.

(Ironically enough, I got this writing technique term from one of the theads complaining about the plot and complaining about ONE using this technique, which I otherwise would not have known about...)

This funnily enough means Zombieman is throwing shade at everyone in the room...including OPM God who's eye is metaphorically a lamp.

Which is find stupidly hilarious, because OPM God is not happy with Zombieman because Zombieman cannot die. So he cannot be controlled like some other characters in the series because he's a loner who does not fear death at all and as such has no survival instincts like humans normally have. This instinctual fear then cannot be abused to direct him to get what OPM God wants him to do, so Zombieman cannot be manipulated via fear.

So ZM throwing shade at OPM God via writer's trick of Lampshading, something that is so far above him in terms of power but because he can, is fucking funny from my perspective and ONE is a brilliant writer.

ONE is making fun of OPM God. And himself because he's writing this story and OPM God is basically a self-insert.

I can appreciate good meta-humour when I see it.

Hell, ZM is not the only one who calls out how all this is too convenient.

Saitama literally breaks the 4th wall by telling us this.

It is tiresome to be compared to floor-licking amoeba or mouth-breather because I personally don't agree with the negative viewpoints that the story is contrived due to poor writing and instead praise it for giving so many brain teasers and interesting plot points.

For instance...

"They take no time to really think about any given story beat and how it relates to everything that came before it." What? An immediate heel-turn on the tone and a complete retcon of what happened in the Saitama/Garou fight IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER?

I'm positively laughing at the irony of this comment because I have personally done EXACTLY THAT and exposed the 164 redraw as a meta level troll that was hinted to have happened by Genos in 169 as well.

I raise my hand if this line of thinking makes me a floor-licking amoeba or a brainlet because I like it instead of hate it. Or because some people would probably tell me I'm thinking about it in far too complicated ways, that there's no way it's anything but a redraw and bad writing in response to fan critique that neither actually reads, that Murata-sensei and ONE are just doing a piss poor job in reality and I'm just kissing ass because I'm just a fangirl or something, no doubt.

Or better, if I have thought that I've figured out a logical reason for something despite not being told something, such as why only certain s-rank heroes happen to be at the meeting and not the rest or why doesn't Genos just give us a 4 hour long info dump in excruciating detail and why instead we get off-screen exposition, then I'm just thinking too hard about it or ignoring inconsistent plot contrivance of time travel, which makes the storyline and writing bad.

Maybe I'm one of the few people who think too hard, that there's a hidden reason for plot convenience. I should just think that it's all stupid and bad writing. Sue me. I'm kissing ass then. I'm enjoying the story.

"It's sad that such a great story was ruined to pander to these mouth-breathers."

I do not think it is contrived, bad writing full of holes if the author themselves acknowledges what is happening.

It's intentional at that point that the information either not readily available, missing or everything is just too conveniently setuped.

I highly doubt we're being setuped for a reason just to write a contrived story. This is the same writer as Mob Psycho folks and that one is praised constantly for it's amazing writing. I doubt ONE just lost his ability to write a cohesive story. Why would he make references like lampshading intentionally if it's to not draw attention to it?

I personally like to use my brain and think outside of the box and not have everything explained to me by handholding. If people haven't noticed the uncanny feeling and how even Saitama has a bad feeling as exposed by Black S, that something is happening in the story that we should be wary of, then that's not a problem with bad writing or problem with the fandom in general who happen to like the story.

We're truly living in different realities with this fandom I see.

"This series is moneybait excrement and idk how clearer it could be with a full blown hollywood movie on the horizon. The series is not a passion project. It hasn't been for years and it shows. The story is not supposed to be good, it's supposed to be profitable and then MAYBE good if the author cares enough (ONE clearly does not)"

It is also sad that part of the fandom thinks this way because they want to view OPM in negative light. We just conveniently forget as fandom how backbreakingly hard Murata-sensei worked on Saitama vs Garou fight to draw it, so much that he lost sleep so he had to take a month vacation. ONE even put easter eggs into the darn low budget OPM games for christ sake and there was morse code that needed to be decoded in the mobile game and he has written tons of cd dramas that make crapton of references and hints towards the future of the series, JUST FOR US fans. If that's not passionate about the series, I don't know what is.

Call me out if we're not just being setuped for something huge later, but if good majority of the readers notice something is off, then it's probably off. "If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck."

(Heck western and eastern fandoms are prolly so different too because translation lacks some important context, such as Blast's partner referred to as "Aibou" in japanese and what the connotation carries with it. Because this translation contex is missing...there is no shitstorm made about it cuz nobody figured out yet lmao.)

[thebluelemontree]

Is it wrong to say that Sansa uses an out of sight out of mind coping mechanism? I noticed it because it's what I do a lot. I know some ppl say she rewrites traumatic memories to make the memories bearable but it doesn't make sense. If that was how she coped, wouldn't she have been telling herself lies about Joffrey still in acok? Or found a way to erase/rewrite Marillion's attempt to rape her?

Yes and no. She does that except all the times she doesn’t. ;) I think that characterization is extremely reductionist (and ignores character complexity and  growth) when it’s applied that broadly to every situation Sansa has been in. You have to take these things instance by instance because they aren’t all the same. Sometimes that labeling doesn’t fit at all. In many cases, it feels more like the fandom pathologizing the act of romanticizing or trying to push aside or reframe something unpleasant or even traumatic when that’s just something most human beings do now and then. Some do it more than others, but its all within the realm of typical coping behavior and being older or more educated or more “logical” doesn’t make one immune to it. So I hope you don’t let those interpretations make you feel abnormal or more fallible for identifying with Sansa in that way. Romanticizing doesn’t even have to be about coping at all, but simply expressing desire through daydreams. People imagine being in idealized scenarios with crushes all the time.  

You also hit the nail on the head. Sansa just doesn’t go around making up false narratives about every objectively awful thing that happens to her. In fact, her actual responses to those moments can be a useful basis for comparison when we’re analyzing the unkiss, for example. Misunderstanding the unkiss is usually where a lot of these assumptions stem from. That’s a whole other can of worms in itself. The unkiss is just too long of a discussion to put here, so I just recommend this post as to the reasons why it isn’t about trauma and take a browse through my unkiss tag. It does bear repeating that Sansa factually remembers every scary thing that happened during the Blackwater and why it happened, indicating she has processed it honestly and critically, before any incarnation of the unkiss happens. The unkiss is a mismemory added on to the facts, which began as her being the actor that kissed him first. It’s not a lie to deny the facts or to excuse his behavior. It’s regrettable to her that Sandor was not able to be the person she could rely on to get her out of KL at that time. Nonetheless, this repressed desire is just so strong in her that it manifested in a kiss so real she could remember how it felt after the reality of his leaving KL for good sank in. 

Early AGOT Sansa tended to want to move past unpleasantness rather quickly. Just sweep those red flags under the rug so everything can go back to blissful harmony. Sansa is naturally averse to conflict and just wants her present with the royal family to be smooth sailing into a bright future. Ned had a very similar tendency when it came to concerns over Robert’s true character. He saw things that disturbed him, but he hoped and clung to his idea of Robert anyway. For Sansa, this resulted in some misplaced blame and rewriting events so she could deal with the aftermath. This is mostly seen in her processing the Mycah incident after Lady’s death and how her perception of all the characters involved shifted in varying ways. This is after she knew perfectly well what really happened, because Ned says Sansa had already told him the truth of what Joffrey did while Arya was still missing. However, it would also be unfair to completely chalk this up to Sansa’s idiosyncrasies. We have to put her flip-flopping in the context of the situation as well. She’s also experienced a gutting loss with Lady’s death and the fact that the first blow to her innocence was her father volunteering to put Lady down. She doesn’t have Catelyn to go to with her confusion and hurt, and Ned has largely been silent. She’s also still engaged to Joffrey through all this, this is still a patriarchy, there are political ramifications to speaking against a crown prince, and she doesn’t know how to deal with seeing such cruelty and vindictiveness in her future husband. Especially when he responded to her tender concern and wanting to help him with venom and hate. 

I mean, jeez, she’s 11. I don’t expect an 11 year old to understand how to identify the signs of emotional manipulation or see how this situation can escalate into domestic violence. Just because Sansa can’t articulate what is happening within her relationship with Joffrey, doesn’t mean she has blocked out any notion that Joffrey can turn his anger on her. Part of the reason she misplaces blame on Arya (and rewrites what happened) is because Joffrey turns scornful of Sansa for being a witness to his emasculating shame. He punishes her with the cold shoulder because she didn’t immediately take his side and pretended not to see instead. He regains power through making Sansa feel small and fearful of his moods. 

“He had not spoken a word to her since the awful thing had happened, and she had not dared to speak to him.” -- Sansa II, AGOT.

Sansa looked at him and trembled, afraid that he might ignore her or, worse, turn hateful again and send her weeping from the table. -- Sansa II, AGOT.

This is coming from someone who is supposed to love her and someone she will spend the rest of her life with. To fix things, she must be unequivocally on Joffrey’s side going forward or suffer the consequences, which we can see happening as her story completely flips over breakfast sometime later. This is not saying Sansa is fully exonerated from not supporting her sister when she needed her, but that it’s understandable how she arrived at this point. Even when things start to get really bad after Ned’s arrest, Sansa still holds out some hope that she can appeal to Joffrey’s (and Cersei’s) love for her to get him to be merciful. Is it really her fault she believed a part of Joffrey really loved her (and thus was reachable by her pleas) if he also heavily love bombed her and treated her like she was the most special girl in the world? Love bombing is a classic feature of the seduction phase leading up to abuse.  

So we can see Sansa does ignore truths and rewrite events sometimes and her personality is a factor; however, the context surrounding it matters a lot. Post Ned’s execution, Sansa does a full 180 regarding Joffrey and Cersei.

Sansa stared at him, seeing him for the first time. He was wearing a padded crimson doublet patterned with lions and a cloth-of-gold cape with a high collar that framed his face. She wondered how she could ever have thought him handsome. His lips were as soft and red as the worms you found after a rain, and his eyes were vain and cruel. "I hate you," she whispered. -- Sansa VI, AGOT.

Once she had loved Prince Joffrey with all her heart, and admired and trusted his mother, the queen. They had repaid that love and trust with her father's head. Sansa would never make that mistake again. -- Sansa I, ACOK. 

"A monster," she whispered, so tremulously she could scarcely hear her own voice. "Joffrey is a monster. He lied about the butcher's boy and made Father kill my wolf. When I displease him, he has the Kingsguard beat me. He's evil and cruel, my lady, it's so. And the queen as well." -- Sansa I, ASOS. 

There’s also her conscious efforts to push away thoughts of her dead family and Jeyne Poole, but she states why she does that. It’s traumatic, the tears start flowing uncontrollably, and she is desperately trying to avoid falling into another suicidal depression. Her survival in KL depends on her holding it together and appearing loyal and obedient to Joffrey. Mourning her loved ones would imply to Joffrey she is plotting treason. Besides, she knows that even if she did ask Cersei or LF about Jeyne, she has no reason to believe they’d do anything but lie to her face in a patronizing way. There’s no point being plagued with wondering what the truth might be when she can’t do anything about it. Still, she prayed for Jeyne wherever she might be. She genuinely thought Arya had made it to WF on the ship and was safe at least until she got word of her brothers’ deaths and her home being sacked by the Iron Born, though there was initially a touch of projection and fantasizing about Arya being free while she remains captured. As of Feast, she believes she is the last Stark left alive and she has no one but Littlefinger to help her. So while she is suppressing her grief, it’s done with good reason, and it’s not being replaced with any false narratives to cope. 

We also cannot ignore that her relationship to Sandor Clegane has instilled in her an appreciation for the un-sugarcoated truth now that she has experienced betrayal and injustice first hand. In his own way, he’s encouraged her to listen to her own inner bullshit detector. The rose-tinted glasses have become a lot more clear compared to where she started. This is a newly learned skill though, and her self-confidence has been wrecked by internalized verbal abuse. She’s also been left on her own to figure out people’s intentions by herself, which runs parallel to her mounting desperation to get out of KL as Joffrey’s violence escalates. Developing a touch more of a jaded, skeptical side does sometimes clash with her enduring idealism and faith in other people (like with the Tyrells). This struggle is not a bad thing. The goal isn’t to become as cynical as the Hound, but to arrive at an earned optimism that has been tempered by wisdom and practical experience.

Her situation with Littlefinger is much more challenging than anything she faced in KL. He moves her where he wants her to go with complex web of lies, manipulation, grooming, isolation, coercion, dependence, guilt and shame. Her safety and desire to go home are tightly bound to being complicit in his lies and criminal activities. She feels indebted to him for getting her out of KL, even though his methods push her past her boundaries and force her to compromise her moral integrity. The thing is, there are things Sansa does know about LF, but she doesn’t seem to be ready to try and put the puzzle pieces together. She’s not daring to ask probing questions about Lysa’s reference to the “tears” and Jon Arryn or about the possible dangers of Maester Colemon prescribing sweetsleep for Robert’s convulsions. While the subject of Jeyne’s fate is still one she doesn’t want to revisit, somewhere in her mind she does know LF took custody of her friend. If it feels like this is somewhat of a regression back to her early AGOT self, there’s probably some truth to that; however, it’s perfectly okay for positive character arcs to be an imperfect progress. There can be relapses, regressions, setbacks, missteps, and misguided actions. All that growth isn’t lost. Everything she knows is just stored in the back of her mind, not forgotten completely. The general trend line moves her toward successfully confronting Littlefinger with the truth when GRRM is ready to pull the trigger. She’s definitely aware of Littlefinger lying to her more than she lets on and she knows his help is not out of the kindness of his heart, but motivated by what he wants her to be to him. But it’s not like she has the option to go anywhere else, does she? She’s a wanted criminal with a bounty on her head and has no other friend or ally in the Vale she can trust with the truth of her identity. Confronting LF without any means of neutralizing his power over her isn’t the smartest thing to do when he’s shown her he can literally get away with multiple murders. Again, it’s not just her personality that makes her hesitant to pull back the veil and face the horrible truth head on. The outside forces pressuring her perceptions and behavior cannot be discounted either.    

[drkoestersmithrpg]

The Last Chapter Of The Problem With Quentin Beck

BTW my computer is screwed up and there is no freaking spellcheck working on Ao3 so I have to proof this later.  But this will finish THAT story.

There are things in life one should resist.  There are good, logical reasons to resist them.

And then there are things you have been dreaming about since you were 12 years old.

Tony's hands on his face, Tony's mouth on his mouth, these were those things.

Spider-Man could resist gravity.  Spider-Man could resist up to 300 tons.  But the tender hand moving down to the small of his back and pulling him closer?  He couldn't resist that at all.

Two hands went up to drape around Tony's neck.  Maybe he shouldn't have done it, but muscle-memory is a powerful thing.  And years muscle-memories (albeit all in his dreams) easily won out over coherent thought.  Tony might be drunk, but Tony was kissing him, and in that moment that was all that mattered.

He melted into the kiss.  He molded his body against Tony's, reveling in the sensation of Tony's erection... no he hadn't imagined it... pressing shamelessly against him.  Tony's arms were like iron, wrapping around him, keeping him safe.

He could have given in completely, relaxed and enjoyed this dream-come-true…

...until Tony’s hand wandered up to his chest and tried to push the button to disengage his suit.

Panicked, Peter stiffed and jerked away.  

Tony let him go instantly, backing away and appologizing, stumbling over his words, hanging his head.  Peter regretted it instantly, but getting naked with Tony?  That would only complicated things a thousandfold.  He couldn't let his mentor and long-time crush find out how disgusting his pre-pubescent-looking body could be... not before they had...

...but he couldn't exactly waltz into Tony's dark bedroom to get down and dirty until...

"Tony Quentin Beck is going to expose me and tell the world I'm Spider-Man and also he knows Aunt May's address and I have 24 hours or less to figure out what to do about it if I'm lucky if he bought it but I don't know..."

There was a split-second it was there, and Peter saw it.  Something very few people in this world had ever seen.  Something that simply appear on Tony's face very often.  

It was that moment that he needed to process.

It lasted, of course, only for a moment.  Instantly it was gone - instantly his face was fixed.   He stepped forward again, a completely different man.  He wrapped one comforting arm around Peter's shoulders in a half-hug while his other hand got to work, pulling up a screen.  Calling on FRIDAY to engage the "Lois Lane" protocall, then rattling off a list of people to get on the phone. 

“I can’t… I shouldn’t…" Peter was saying, or trying to say.  He plunged ahead in the few seconds while Tony waited to be connected.  "... Tony... I should probably tell you what I did before you do that…”

“Baby there’s nothing you could ever do that would ever make me stop loving you.”

Peter’s eyes went wide, as did his mouth, and he stood staring helplessly as Tony, still looking at the holoscreen in front of him, made this statement.  A statement that sounded as factual as the weather.

Then Tony looked back at him and kissed his cheek.

“I’m old,” he was whispering. “…and broken and deeply ugly inside, and you could do so much better than me, and you have done so much better that me. 

“But I love you,” he said, pulling back enough to look Peter in the eye.  “… and nothing, nothing you’ll ever do can change that.”

He kissed Peter then (kind of awkward because Peter’s jaw was still hanging open.)  He might have done more, but Fury came on line just at that moment.  Tony gave him a quick hug with his single arm, then walked away.

                                                                   * * *

  Peter watched in amazement as the man who had been drunk (and calling himself Daddy moments ago) snapped into Tony-Mode and went right to work.  He collapsed on the couch beside him and watched Tony pace, zipping through the holographic screen that was floating beside him, keeping up with his movements.  Within minutes he had schduled Aunt May for a "sweepstakes vacation" that she would "win" before the evening was over, booked her a week at a luxery hotel, utilized several Avenger-level lawyers with high-security clearance and pissed off Nick Fury to boot.  At some point he had even stopped to fetch his glass of wine.

As Tony argued with a glass of wine in one hand (while keyboarding the details of Aunt May's whirlwind vacation on the holoscreen beside him) Peter found himself, absurdly, falling asleep against the pillows behind him.  He couldn't imagine that it was happening, not after the evening he had just had (evening?  More like the last two hours) but as his eyes drifted closed he realize why.  He was relieved.  

He had actually broken up with Quentin Beck, and the release of that statement was like coming out from under a colapsed building that was resting on a pair of aching shoulders.  He repeated the fact to himself over and over again as he dozed.  It was true.  It was done.  The man who made him feel like he was losing his mind was gone.  He might still very well be crazy, but at least he no longer caried the burden of also pissing Quentin off with his crazyness.  As he slept he dreamed, and in his dream...

... in his dream he flew away from it all.  He didn't swing away, he flew, zooming away from the city just like Iron Man.  But his suit didn't freeze up as he entered the upper atmosphere, oh no.  He continued to zoom up effortlessly.  And as he flew, he looked down upon the earth, and he saw.  He saw it all.

Saw the way Peter Parker, still a half-formed creature, part swaggar and strut (he was an Avenger after all) and half un-sure (he was a secret Avenger, and still lost in the maze that was the attentions of Tony Stark) had fallen into the web that was the Allure Of Quentin Beck.  He saw himself explaining to Quentin, clearly, that this had to stay casual, a sex-only thing, Friends-With-Benefits-At-Best, a no-strings-attach arragement or it could be nothing at all.  And he saw Quentin Beck agreeing to the arangement up front, then constantly trying to pull the rug out from under him behind his back.  He saw it all, the deliberate misleading statements, the deliberate misintereptations, the deliberate planting of doubt.  He saw it like the back of a tapestry, like the very original rough draft of an old sci-fi epic, the network of tunnels under the amusment park.  He could see it, the careful maniuplation.  The carefully laid plan.  He knew he wouldn't be able to see it forever - that only up here, amoung the stars, would he be able to see it laid out so perfectly.  Once he fell back to earth the plan would be hidden from him, but he could remember that the plan was there.  Even if he forgot how the magic trick worked, Peter could still remember that it was just a trick.  He could remember, and he would remember.  He would remember, and he would stay safe.

He would stay safe, because he wasn't really flying above the earth.  He was really asleep on Tony Stark's couch.  He could still hear Tony Stark's voice in the background, arguing with his phone, arguing with the higherups, pulling strings, making things happen.  When Peter woke up, he would be safe.  He had no doubt about it.  He smiled in his sleep.  It was strangely warm and safe, here among the stars.  

It was safe, because he was with Iron Man.

                                                 * * * 

  And now Iron Man was shaking him awake.  Most of the phone calls were done, but there were two projects still proccessing on two active holoscreens, but Tony was clearly satisfied with the results, and was now trying to get Peter to go to bed.  

"Don't... you don't have to..." he said, as Peter tried to move up for a kiss.  "Let's just... let's forget about that.  Get yourself to bed, get some sleep.  We have a lot to do tomorrow morning..."

He tried to rise.  Impossible, with Peter's single hand on his arm in an unbreakable grip.  He looked away as the younger man pulled him back onto the couch.

"Forget the part where the Tony Stark kissed me on the mouth and said he loved me?  No.  Nope.  Not gonna.  Screw that..." Peter said and leaned forward for another kiss.  He gently kissed the side of the turned face.  He kissed it several times.  Then he lay his hand across the side of the older man's face and moved in close.

"I shouldn't have..."

"Yes you should have.  And you did.  And it's too late to take it back now."

"I did... and then you jumped like I had shocked you..."

"Yeah... well... it's gonna have to get real dark in here before I get naked..." Peter grinned now.  Yesterday this conversation would have made him blush right down to his toes.  Now it just seemed ridiculous.  "But you're a rich man... I'm sure you have a dark room in here somewhere.  Plus you're a genius... I think you can figure out how to turn out the lights..."

He laughed at the face Tony was making now, staring at him in complete confusion.  But it didn't matter now.  Suddenly, Peter realized that none of it really mattered.

He kissed that slack mouth, then took Tony's face in both hands, looking deep into those dark eyes as he spoke.

"You’re ‘old and broken and ugly inside.’

"...and I’m in a lot of trouble and beyond stupid and a basket case and probably losing my mind and stuck in a perpetually 15-year-old body for the rest of my life,” he whispered, moving in close for another kiss.

“Let’s see what we can do with that.”

[border-spam]

Q: Do you think Typhon was an abusive father? He says he was a 'third rate dad' but doesnt explain why. Randy said he refused to touch Tyreen after Leda died. His reaction to killing his kids could just be bad writing. Troy said he thought he was a freak, but that could be Troy's insecurity. Our only evidence is what Typhon and the Twins say, but Typhon is suspicious already and the Twins are shown to be manipulative. Was Typhon a clueless father trying his best or an abusive asshat?

Hooo boy. Been sitting on this one a while. In we go. 

Was Typhon DeLeon an abusive father: A nerd essay by me, cause I’m a sad fuck.

Yeah. He was. 100%. Absolutely.

Just not intentionally, and for reasons that were coming from good places. I can’t stand Typhon but I’m going to remain relatively unbiased in this bar insulting him as much as possible cause fuck Typhon. Eww.

Bl3 left us with shockingly little information to go on when it came to figuring out how all this went down, how Typhon’s upbringing or lack thereof of the Calypso Twins warped them into the broken monstrous Gods they became, and if he was actually really to blame or not.

We have four main players in this puzzle. Typhon, Troy, and Tyreen DeLeon, and Leda Calypso. One of these characters didn’t get a single line of dialogue and was reduced to being a fucktoy attached to a womb, so poor Leda is out of the equation.

We have a third party write up on Typhon released after the game containing a lot of content that was never in the game, including some of his logic behind the choices he made here.

And finally, we have the information given to us by the three remaining characters. Typhon, and the Calypso Twins.

Breaking this down further, we have two characters at odds with each other, Typhon and Tyreen. 

Tyreen hates Typhon. Hates. It can’t be stressed enough that the only motivation the writers left in the game for poor Ty, was how much she hated her father. Tyreen however, is also a grade A dramaqueen and someone who I cannot bring myself to trust completely when it comes to her describing how Typh treated the twins. I am positive everything she says is based on a truth, but how much of it has been over exaggerated and built on after years of brooding and hatred is up to us to work out, and that’s quite hard to do.

Typhon on the other hand, is a grade A bullshitter. We learn this through his logs and through actually just *talking* to the vile little prick. He speaks in anecdotes, he relies on constantly retelling stories to communicate. I wouldn’t trust the little shit as far as I could throw him. He constantly exaggerates his accolades, his sexual prowess, likely how much his wife was infatuated with him, his skill in adventuring, everything, but he still confirms he was not a good father, so that really says a lot. 

Finally, we have the only person I actually trust when it comes to their opinion on this. Finally, we have Troy.

Something I’ve noticed after chatting with friends about this and covering old content, is how little Troy Calypso ever seems to lie or bullshit. He is shockingly honest, it’s a real surprise compared to Tyreen. He’s truthful to the vault hunters, his emotions are pretty much worn on his sleeve around Ty, and even in dialogue with the likes of Katagawa he is direct and not nearly as “flowery” in his communication as she is. 

He hates the majority of the COV followers and shows a complete lack of coddling them, and he does the same with the VH and raiders. He’s direct in his communication in general, especially when alone and out of persona.

Troy gives us more backstory about the twin’s family life than literally any other point in the game does, and he explains it genuinely, 1:1 and privately to the VH over echocom. He has no reason to lie. There is no gain in this for him, there is no grounds for me to think anything he said was false because lying in this situation wouldn’t match his established character. 

Troy does not hate Typhon. 

Troy did not want to leave Nekrotafeyo. 

Troy did not want to leave his father.

The info Troy shares with us is that Typhon couldn’t let Ty out of his sight after Leda had her “accident”, and he was overbearing in his worry for her. Troy was sidelined as a child and felt that his father just saw him as a freak while doting (unwantedly it seems) on Tyreen. This may not have been directly the case, but again, there is no reason to think Troy is making this up. He doesn’t make up things like this for pity, he actually seems quite averse to looking for pity in general.

Tyreen says Typhon kept them in a cage, that he was afraid the Bandits in the universe would tear them apart, and instead held them prisoner. This is semi factual, but definitely blown out of proportion because again, Troy doesn’t feel this way. Typhon (according to the additional info in the writeup I linked) was terrified of what corporations would do to twin Sirens -considering one is male-, and that’s a really valid concern.

They would absolutely be hunted by the likes of Hyperion if Jack hadn’t been balls deep in his mad rush for the warrior at the time. Typh wouldn’t let them leave home based on this, and while I can understand his logic, there are three main things to consider here:

Troy and Tyreen both seem to think Typhon thought Ty was a monster and that was the reason they were not allowed leave. That is fucked. There is no way they both came up with this out of the blue, and Typhon must have at some point said something or acted in a way to imply this was the reason. That is horrific. That is beyond abusive to say to children, and it was definitely a factor in how warped their mentality towards themselves over time became.

The twins were so terrified of Typhon finding the ship parts Troy was working on and destroying them, that they hid them inside their mothers grave. Again. This is horrific. This is not something young adults who aren’t abused would consider doing. Troy has never alluded to hating Typhon and still agreed with Tyreen this needed to be done. The fear there is palpable, this is not the behavior of young adults who’s relationship with a parent is healthy.

The twins and Typhon had a complete lack of trust between them. A family with this level of distrust has encountered abuse at some point. Typhon was so distrusting of his near adult children ( the twins sounded very late teens - early twenties on Nekro ) that he refused to allow them to have any semblance of a life. He refused to let them be free, because he so feared they would either be incapable of caring for themselves, or would hurt others. The twins distrusted their father so much that they had to resort to hiding their escape means from him. Even Troy, who thought once the ship was complete they’d be taking Typhon with them, didn’t trust him enough to let him know what he was working on. They were afraid of what their father would do if he found out. 

This dynamic drips abuse. If it was just Tyreen telling this information to us, I’d find it hard to take as factual as I said earlier, it would feel blown out of proportion, but Troy telling us, and the echologs existing and backing it up? Well, it’s not a lie. It did happen.

The final piece for me is how Typhon responded to Troy being dead. 

He couldn’t have fucking cared less. He did not give a flying shit. 

The one person who had shown any regret towards leaving him, who had cared about him, and Typhon didn’t bat an eyelid that he was dead. He gives an “Ah well he was a monster anyway lol” response, then immediately starts trying to baby talk his wittle girl, his ickle Starlight. It’s gross. It was vile.

It really showed where his value lay and had always lay, and confirmed Troy had been telling the truth when he’d awkwardly tried to explain how Typhon had just always seen him as a freak, while overly doting on Tyreen to the point of smothering her. 

He was a terrible father, and while his abuse came from a place of concern and love, it was absolutely abuse. 

Had he so much as tried to find his kids, had he cared about them an iota more then sitting on a dead planet jacking off to memories of his wife for nearly a decade, the twins might have stood a chance. They might have been able to be happy.

Asks are open!