#Female Byron

[evlenmeseksmi]

Seni sevdiğim kadar hiç kimseyi sevmedim, seni seveceğim kadar hiç kimseyi sevmedim, seni sevdiğim sürece hiç kimseyi sevmeyeceğim.

[bluemoondust]

Here we go again! Some time ago I wrote some random yan thoughts and such for other characters over here. Once again, I'm doing this with some more characters. Feel free to share your own thoughts!

Also, someone did want Avery and Klara to be here, but I've decided to go more in depth with those two in a request I got for them (where the two are at each other's throats, fighting over the same darling). So look forward to that!

Characters: Winona, Wicke, Darach, Noland, Palmer, Courtney, Norman, Byron, Koga, Lucy, Brandon (Frontier Brain), Morty

Warning(s): 18+ CONTENT, MINORS DNI, Hints of noncon/dubcon, usual yandere stuff

Fully believe Winona wouldn't at first catch on to herself being a yandere. She just thinks that her intense feelings is just the urge to battle you whenever she has the chance. After getting her registered on Match Call, she calls you at least once a day if you'd like to battle her or visit Fortree City. That being said, in terms of rivals, she views them as battle rivals and isn't really fond of them pestering you so much. She's your battle partner... Not them. Girl is very poised and may seem intimidating to others but has a huge soft spot for you.

SOFT YAN WICKE!!!! Soft yan Wicke who is only looking out for your health and safety, sacrificing her own well-being for your own. Soft yan Wicke who lets you sleep on her lap/chest and hums you to sleep. Soft yan Wicke who you trust so much that you believe every word she says. Soft yan Wicke who gives you praises every chance she gets and is the only person there to comfort you in times of need. Soft yan Wicke who gives you kisses all over your body, trailing her hands to your most sensitive parts; complimenting every part of your body as you cum on her hand♡

Meanwhile, Darach is the same. He's a service top and I will die on that hill. He treats you like a higher being; someone of higher status. Of course, being someone who serves must give you the utmost care. Because of his extensive knowledge on you, he knows how you tick and what you enjoy. Though, he'll still ask if everything is alright. He's a worshipper yandere, so of course, your needs come before his own. One of the things I imagine is just him, fully clothed, touching your body with his gloved hands. He's very skillful with his fingers and holds some pride for the fact that no one but he is allowed to make you feel this good.

Noland is the ultimate obsessive yandere out of this bunch. He's so fixated on picking off every bit of knowledge he can get on you due to hating not knowing something. If you have a secret, he'll find out eventually. Not only that, but he sticks around a lot too. He's a man who believes that knowledge alone won't do any good, so he hangs around you to match with what he knows. Just... Enjoys your physical presence and may find himself wanting to touch you more and more. Noland likes to push you and it feels good to him, taking the lead. Despite you believing that you're calling the shots, you'll soon come to learn that he was pulling the strings all along.

Palmer, like Barry, is a very 'enthusiastic' individual; always in a rush towards whatever his goal takes him. Which also includes you. From the moment he knew you were the one, this man's reaction was immediate. There are plenty of suffocating types of yandere out there but Palmer... Is a special case. He won't get touchy with you yet, though before that happens he's practically at your side 24/7 or at least how much time he can manage due to his position as a Frontier Brain. His mind buzzes with thoughts and you and just can't get enough; watching from the sidelines doesn't satisfy what he feels.

There is so much yandere potential when it comes to Courtney. Also, I take it back—she is the ultimate obsessive yandere to the max. Once she's hooked, you'll never know peace. You somehow run into her any chance she gets; insistent on analyzing you further. She has so many journal entries about you to the point where you're a special section in her library. All her thoughts revolve around you. She sometimes mutters your name unconsciously, same with wandering to places you visit when not busy. If she's not coincidentally bumping into you, she's full blown stalking you or breaking into your home. Seeing you upset with her... Sends Courtney into a spiral of emotions as she begs for forgiveness. She loves you intensely and would hate herself forever if she disappointed you. Being slain is much better than being apart from you.

Norman, Byron, and Koga. I cannot stress this enough that these three has overprotective yandere tendencies. Just in different fonts.

Norman can say all he wants that he completely trusts his darling in terms of taking care of yourself. Next thing you know, he's sending you calls and subtly following you around. Then there's how limited his interactions with you are, yet he gets annoyed that you spend your time with others more than him (despite it being his own fault that he doesn't spend much time with you). He's just... A bag of mixed emotions and such.

Koga fully stalks you, which is extremely easy for him due to his skills. He lies to your face that he has trust in you. Well, yes, he does... But sometimes he just wants to check on you every now and then. To add on, this man knows how to disguise himself as well so just, imagine, the possibility of him wanting to give you a scare good enough to bring you right to him. You won't even realize that he's ensnared you into his trap until it's too late. Plus, I feel that Koga would sometimes purposely startle you because he enjoys seeing a bit of fear on your face. All in good fun. But oh... Just don't get too buddy buddy with anyone. Wouldn't want them to get inflicted with status conditions...

Byron may seen odd to you, but not in a bad way. He doesn't give off overprotective vibes at first glance though you find out later on how he is when those traits do show up. What does get to you is how he just... Spills certain details he shouldn't know about you out loud without realizing you're there. Did you hear wrong? "You weren't supposed to hear that! Forget what I said!" He always tells you with a jovial laugh but... Then there are moments where you seemed to be pressured into things. Byron isn't someone you'd think would be capable of being disappointed but the whiplash you experience when his tone in voice shifts when you dare say no to an offer or when asked for something. Then the immediate turn to his usual personality makes your head reel. Unbeknownst to you, Byron acts this way to keep you around and make sure you don't go off anywhere without him. Even if these methods don't work, he's sure his own strength can keep you at bay.

Yan! Lucy... Can be intense, which is an understatement. Any sort of rival she finds trying to get too close, they'll be stomped in a battle with no hesitation. Also, good luck to them if they try to run off—Lucy never forgets a person's face. She always burns them in her memory. When it comes to you though, she's a little softer and can be seen as a sort of guard dog; glaring over your shoulder. Lucy loves to hear you talk and makes every attempt to monopolize your time. Whatever it takes. That's the sort of mindset Lucy holds as a yandere and it's terrifying to wonder how far she'll go for you.

Brandon (Frontier Brain) is just as intense as Lucy, but in different aspects. He pushes you, yes, but it's only because he deeply cares for you. Some part of me believes that he purposely shows you the dangers of the world so you can be scared. He lets you slip up, only for him to save you in the last minute. Sure, he doesn't like the thought of you being in harms way, but in this situation he's in charge so it's all good. It should always be like this. Plus... It gets his adrenaline pumping, which he lives for. So maybe... Just maybe he takes the risk of you figuring him out as a little adventure. One where he hopes you'll make it to the end of. The excitement, the passion, and everything that goes along with it... You certainly know how to set him off in the best of ways.

Sooooo, I just want you all to imagine the thought of being lost in the dark. Nothing in sight, no escape. The adrenaline pumping through your veins. Then all of a sudden, the cold hands of Morty are on you—wandering. It's so dark, you can't see him or predict where else he might touch. The lack of sight makes you extra vulnerable under his touch. All you can hear are his hushed words of affirmation and praise. Just let him continue, it'll feel so good if you just behave.

[ufonaut]

you rbing minutemen panels made me reread it.. truly the comic of all time....

ISNT IT JUST ONE OF THE MOST. i reread it earlier too when i was rbing the panels because i'd already owned #1-2 and found #3-6 at the last con i was at so i had to in honour of completing it and good fucking god it's THE book

[0dizzy-lizzy0]

Impressions of Byron

How does one's fantasy 

Compare to my true belief

Can the evening bliss 

Compare to that of a midnight saunter

Or the sunsets bloom

To a morning dew

-E.P.B

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Here are some good things that happened in 2022!

January:

Canada bans conversion therapy

Greece allows gay men to donate blood (for the first time in 45 years!)

Israel legalizes surrogacy for gay couples

People in Switzerland are now able to legally change their gender without having to undergo surgery first

February:

New Zealand bans conversion therapy

Nonbinary people in Columbia are now entitled to a birth certificate with a "nonbinary" sex marker

Nayarit (Mexico) allows same-sex couples to adopt

Kuwait overrules a law that has been used to criminalize transgender people

Jowelle de Souza makes history as the first openly transgender parliamentarian in the Caribbean (Trinidad and Tobago)

March:

Chile legalizes same-sex marriage

 France removes the deferral period for gay men donating blood

The United States announces an overhaul of TSA protocols to implement gender-neutral screening at checkpoints

Wales (United Kingdom) bans conversion therapy

Kristin Crowley makes history as the first openly gay (and the first female) chief of the Los Angeles Fire Department (United States)

Diana Zurco makes history as Argentina’s first openly transgender newscaster

April:

Santa Catarina (Brazil) now allows nonbinary people to change their gender marker without having to file a lawsuit

Jalisco (Mexico) bans conversion therapy

The United States issues the first passport with a nonbinary gender 'X' option

May:

Greece bans conversion therapy

Lithuania allows gay men to donate blood

Croatia allows same-sex couples to adopt

Austria removes the deferral period for gay men donating blood

June:

Hidalgo (Mexico) now punishes people offering conversion therapy with up to 3 years in prison

Quebec (Canada) allows people to be classified as a parent (rather than a mother or father) on their child's birth certificate

North Carolina (United States) no longer demands proof of surgery from people who wish to change their gender marker

Spain prohibits employment discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, gender identity or HIV status

Kamala Harris made history by hosting the first Pride Month reception by a sitting vice president at their residence (United States)

July:

Switzerland legalizes same-sex marriage

Antigua and Barbuda legalize "same-sex behavior"

Andorra decides to legalize same-sex marriage (the law will come into effect in 2023)

Slovenia legalizes both same-sex marriage and adoption

Ariana DeBose makes history as the first queer woman of color (and the first Afro-Latina) to win an Oscar for acting (United States)

August:

India expands the definition of family to include "queer relationships"

Chile equalizes the age of consent

In Saint Kitts and Nevis, same-sex activity is no longer illegal.

Vietnam declares that homosexuality is not a disease and bans conversion therapy

Ellia Green makes history as the first Olympian to come out as a trans man (Australia)

September:

In India, the State Medical Councils can now take disciplinary action against doctors who provide conversion therapy

Cuba legalizes both same-sex marriage and adoption

 Durango (Mexico) legalize same-sex marriage

Canada removes the deferral period for gay men donating blood

Kim Petras and Sam Smith make history as the first openly transgender woman and the first openly nonbinary person to reach number one on the Billboard Hot 100 (United States)

October:

Latvia allows civil unions for same-sex couples 

Paraguay bans conversion therapy

Byron Perkins makes history as the first out football player at HBCU (United States)

Duda Salabert and Erika Hilton make history as the first two openly transgender people elected to the National Congress of Brazil

November:

Singapore decriminalizes gay sex

Singapore also lifts censorship of lgbt+ media

Hidalgo becomes the first state in Mexico to recognize nonbinary people

Ireland removes the deferral period for gay men donating blood

December:

 Barbados legalizes "same-sex acts"

Here is to more good news in 2023!

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[writerofsorts]

A Chance Encounter

(image creds: to the owner)

pairing: jason dilaurentis x female reader.

summary: 2x04 "blind dates" episode imagine/rewrite.

warnings: none.

*read previous part here!

—————

Almost a week had passed since [Y/N] checked up on Toby at Spencer's request to make sure he was alright while working for Jason. Spencer had also made rather a dangerous move by pawning her sister's wedding ring in order to buy Toby the truck he wanted so that he didn't have to work for Jason. Although Spencer was successful in keeping Toby away from Jason, now, she, herself, was in trouble as Melissa's ring was gone from the pawn shop and she had to replace it soon.

Overall, life had not gotten better for [Y/N] and friends, thanks to A.

The school day had ended and [Y/N] was at her locker, grabbing her things when she was called by Ella Montgomery.

"You're not in trouble, honey," Ella said with a chuckle when she saw [Y/N]'s wide and confused eyes.

"Uh, okay," [Y/N] tried to smile back and shut her locker door before following Ella into her classroom.

"I wanted to ask you for a favor," Ella spoke, grabbing a set of keys from her desk. "Mike forgot his keys at home today and I didn't get a chance to give it to him. Aria's already left for the day and I didn't know who else to ask. Would you be able to give this to Mike on your way home? He's usually at the basketball court at the park around this time."

"Sure, Mrs. Montgomery," [Y/N] answered, taking the keys from Ella's hand.

Her parents had been friends with Aria's for a long time now as her parents both taught at Hollis along with Byron Montgomery. Although she wasn't close to Mike, she enjoyed being around him at get-togethers as he was like the little brother she wished she had. So, she didn't mind this little task.

"Thank you," Ella smiled appreciatively. "I would do it, myself, but I've got a faculty meeting to run to."

"It's okay," replied [Y/N]. "Have a good rest of your day, Mrs. Montgomery."

"You too, [Y/N]," Ella said back and [Y/N] waved goodbye, walking out of the classroom.

The school hallways were empty as [Y/N] walked out of the building. She reached the parking lot and noticed some students still hanging around by their cars, laughing and chatting. She made her way towards her car and got in the driver's seat, placing her backpack on the empty seat next to her. She put Mike's keys in one of the cupholders before starting the vehicle and pulling out of the school parking lot.

It didn't take too long before she reached the Rosewood park and found a nice spot in the shade to park her car. She grabbed her backpack and Mike's keys before going in search of him towards the basketball court.

It was a bright and sunny day, and the park was a little crowded for her liking. Ignoring the occasional, curious gazes thrown her way, [Y/N] looked around for Mike. She tried calling his cellphone a few times, but it kept going to voicemail.

A few seconds later, she spotted a young boy sitting on a bench with his back facing her. It looked a lot like Aria's brother and she walked towards him, calling out Mike's name.

When the boy turned around, however, [Y/N] paused in her steps as he was definitely not Mike.

"Sorry, I thought you were someone else," she apologized, feeling awkward, and the stranger shrugged before turning to face forward again.

[Y/N] sighed and turned in the opposite direction to go on the hunt for Mike again when she spotted a familiar face. And, this time, there was no mistake.

Not too far from her stood Jason DiLaurentis. He was wearing grey basketball shorts and his upper body was bare, and [Y/N] tried really hard to not let her eyes wander down to his toned chest and abs. He was holding a basketball in his hands and the frown between his brows disappeared when her eyes met his. He gave her a small smile and a wave. She returned the gesture and slowly walked towards him. He met her halfway and the two stopped in front of each other.

"Hey, [Y/N], I thought it was you," Jason spoke first.

"Yeah, it's me," she chuckled, mentally face-palming at how awkward she sounded. "I'm looking for Aria's brother, Mike. Have you seen him here today?"

"No, sorry," he shook his head. "He give Aria the slip?"

"Something like that," [Y/N] replied. "Mrs. Montgomery asked me to give Mike his keys but I can't find him."

"Why did Aria's mom ask you?" Jason asked, confused.

"She meant to ask Aria but she already left," [Y/N] answered, receiving a nod in response.

"I was always lying about where I was when I was his age," Jason commented with a small smile.

"Yeah?" [Y/N] asked with a smile of her own.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I don't remember a lot about that time actually. Most of what I do remember, I wish I could forget, you know?"

Both of their smiles dropped by the end of Jason's sentence and [Y/N] dropped her gaze to the ground. She remembered all too well about the party boy Jason used to be.

"Do you know what I do remember?" Jason asked and [Y/N] looked at him again. "Your smile."

[Y/N] stared at him for what seemed like a full minute before letting out a short, surprised laugh, "My smile?"

"Yes, your smile," he repeated. "Whenever we came across each other in the past and even now, your smile and greetings have always been genuine. That meant- means a lot to me."

"I- I'm glad," she answered, feeling a little flattered by his words and Jason cleared his throat, praying he didn't make her uncomfortable.

"Do you want me to find Mike and give him the keys?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, it's okay," she replied. "I'll just drop it with Aria. But, thanks."

"Yeah. And, uh, I should get back," he stated hesitantly, tilting his head in the direction where his buddies were waiting for him.

"Of course," [Y/N] nodded in understanding. "Enjoy your evening."

"You too," he said and was about to turn around when he remembered something else that concerned [Y/N].

Just as [Y/N] turned to leave, he called her name and she faced him.

"What's wrong?" she asked in concern when she noticed his reluctant posture.

"Uh, it's about the other day when you stopped by," he spoke quietly, fiddling with the basketball in his hand.

"Oh, what about it?" she asked curiously. She had an idea of what he wanted to talk to her about.

"The gauzes that you saw," he said, finally meeting her eyes. "They really were mine; renovating the house comes with little accidents."

"I- I figured," she replied. She felt a bit guilty, because initially her mind did entertain the thought that Jason was helping Ian, thanks to Spencer's suspicions. Then, she had pushed that idea out of her mind, because she didn't believe that Jason would want to help a man, who was accused of murdering his sister. "And, you don't have to explain yourself to me, Jason."

"I- I don't want you to be afraid of me," he said and her eyes softened at his words.

"I'm not afraid of you," she said back and saw relief fill his green eyes.

"You mean it?" he still asked and she said reassuringly, "of course."

"Alright... so, I'll see you around?" she asked, smiling.

"See you around," he confirmed and the two shared smiles one more time that conveyed more than words could at the moment.

Later that night as [Y/N] lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling, a permanent smile was etched on her face. Her mind continued to replay her conversation with Jason and she felt a little overwhelmed with how much she liked him.

Initially, she didn't think Jason looked at her as anything other than his little sister's best friend. But, the more she interacted with him, the more she felt that her feelings were reciprocated.

She hoped that she was not wrong as she slowly succumbed to sleep.

—————

[pynkhues]

I would LOVE to read your analysis of louis as byronic hero as apposed to his reading as gothic heroine. lots of the latter and zero of the former in the fandom.

Sure! Mmm, okay, so –

What are we talking about when we talk about Gothic Heroes?  

When we talk about gothic heroes, we’re really talking about three pretty different character archetypes. All three are vital to the genre, but some are more popular in certain subgenres i.e. your Prometheus Hero may be more common in gothic horror, whereas your Byronic Hero might be more likely to be found in gothic romance. That’s not to say they’re exclusive to those subgenres at all, and there is an argument that these archetypes themselves are gendered (in many ways, I think people confuse Anne being an author of the female gothic with Louis being a gothic heroine, but I’ll get into that later), but this is also not necessarily something that’s exclusive.

Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself, haha, so the three gothic hero archetypes are:

Milton’s Satan who is the classic gothic hero-villain. You can probably guess from the name, but he was originated in John Milton’s 1667 poem, Paradise Lost. He is God’s favourite angel, but God is forced to cast him out of heaven when he rebels against him. As an archetype, he’s a man pretty much defined by his pride, vanity and self-love, usually fucks his way through whatever book or poem he’s in, has a perverted, incestuous family, and a desire to corrupt other people. He’s also defined as being “too weak to choose what is moral and right, and instead chooses what is pleasurable only to him” and his greatest character flaw, in spite of all The Horrors, is that he’s usually easily misguided or led astray. (I would argue that Lestat fits into this archetype pretty neatly, but that’s a whole other post.)

Prometheus who was established as a gothic archetype by Mary Shelley with Frankenstein in 1818. Your Prometheus Hero is basically represented by the quest for knowledge and the overreach of that quest to bring on unintended consequences. He’s tied, of course, to the Prometheus of Greek myth, so you can get elements of that in this character design too in that he can be devious or a trickster, but the most important part of him is that he is split between his extreme intelligence and his sense of rebellion, and that his sense of rebellion and boundary pushing overtakes his intelligence and basically leads to All The Gothic Horrors.

And the Byronic Hero, who as the name implies, was both created by and inspired by the romantic poet, Lord Byron in his semi-autobiographical poem, Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage which was published between 1812-1818. The archetype is kind of an idealized version of himself, and as historian and critic Lord Macaulay wrote, the character is “a man proud, moody, cynical, with defiance on his brow and misery in his heart, a scorner of his kind, implacable in revenge, yet capable of deep and strong affection.” Adding to that, he’s often called ‘the gloomy egoist’ as a protagonist type, hates society, is often self-destructive and lives either exiled or in a self-exile, and is a stalwart of gothic literature, but especially gothic romance. Interestingly too, in his most iconic depictions he’s often a) darkly featured and/or not white (Heathcliff being the most obvious example of this given Emily Bronte clearly writes him as either Black or South Asian), and b) is often used to explore queer identity, with Byron himself having been bisexual.

Okay, but what about the Gothic Heroine?

Gothic heroines are less delineated and have had more of an evolution over time, which makes sense, given women have consistently been the main audience of gothic literature and have frequently been the most influential writers of the genre too. The gothic genre sort of ‘officially’ started with Horace Walpole’s 1764 novel, The Castle of Otranto and Isabella is largely regarded as the first gothic heroine and the foundation of the archetype, and the book opens even with one of the key defining traits – an innocent, chaste woman without the protection of a family being pursued and persecuted by a man on the rampage.

The gothic heroine was, for years, defined by her lack of agency. She was innocent, chaste, beautiful, curious, plagued by tragedy and often, ultimately, tragic. Isabella survives in The Castle of Otranto, but she’s one of the lucky ones – Cathy dies in Wuthering Heights, Sybil dies in The Picture of Dorian Gray, Justine and Elizabeth both die in Frankenstein, Mina survives in Dracula, but Lucy doesn’t. There’s an argument frequently posited that the gothic genre was, and is, about dead women and the men who mourn them, and Interview with the Vampire certainly lends itself to that pretty neatly.

Of course, the genre has evolved, and in particular by the late 1800s, there was a notable shift in how the Gothic Heroine was depicted. The house became a place of imprisonment where they were further constrained and disempowered, she was infantilized and pathologized and diagnosed as hysterical, and as Avril Horner puts it in her excellent paper, Women, Power and Conflict: the Gothic heroine and ‘Chocolate-box Gothic’, gothic literature of this era “explores “the constraints enforced [by] a patriarchal society that is becoming increasingly nervous about the demands of the ‘New Woman’.”

This was an era where marriage was increasingly understood in feminist circles to be a civil death where women were further subjugated and became the property of their husbands. This was explored through gothic literature as the domestic space evolved into a symbol of patriarchal control in the Female Gothic.

Female Gothic vs Male Gothic

Because here’s the thing – the female gothic and the male gothic are generally understood to be two different subgenres of gothic literature.

While there are plenty of arguments as to what this entails, the basics is that the male gothic is written by men, and usually features graphic horror, rape and the masculine domination of women and often utilises the invasion of women’s spaces as a symbol of further penetrating their bodies, while the female gothic is written by women, and usually features graphic terror, as opposed to horror, while delving more specifically into gender politics. More than that though, its heroines are usually victimized, virginial and powerless while being pursued by villainous men.

The Female Gothic as a genre is also specifically interested in the passage from girlhood to female maturity, and does view the house as a place of entrapment, but she is usually suddenly “threatened with imprisonment in a castle or a great house under the control of a powerful male figure who gave her no chance to escape.”

That’s not Louis’ arc, that’s Claudia’s arc twice over, first with the house at Rue Royale, then with the Paris Coven, and Lestat and Armand aren’t the only powerful male figures who imprison her.

Claudia as the Gothic Heroine

Claudia in many ways is the absolute embodiment of the classic gothic heroine. Even the moment of their meeting is a product of Louis’ Byronic heroism – his act of implacable revenge against the Alderman Fenwick which prompts the rioting that almost kills her. She’s a victim of Louis’ monstrousness before they’ve even met, and while he saves her, he arguably does something worse in trapping her in the house with both himself and Lestat, holding her in an ever-virginal, ever-chaste eternal girlhood, playing into Lestat’s Milton-Satan by enhancing the perversion of family and ultimately infantilizing her out of his own desire for familial closeness.

Claudia has no family protection before Louis and Lestat – a staple of the gothic heroine – she is completely dependent on them in her actual girlhood, and again in adulthood, never developing the strength to be able to turn a companion, to say nothing about the sly lines here and there that further diminish and pathologise her (Lestat calling her histrionic, Louis making her out to be a burden, etc.). This is all further compounded again with the Coven, and when the tragedy of her life ultimately leads to the tragedy of her death.  

Louis as the Byronic Hero

Not to start with a quote, but here’s one from The Literary Icon of the Byronic Hero and its Reincarnation in Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights:

“Generally speaking, the Byronic hero exhibits several particular characteristics. He does not possess heroic virtues in the usual, traditional sense. He is a well-educated, intelligent and sophisticated young man, sometimes a nobleman by birth, who at the same time manifests signs of rebellion against all fundamental values and moral codes of the society. Despite his obvious charm and attractiveness, the Byronic hero often shows a great deal of disrespect for any figure of authority. He was considered "the supreme embodiment [...] standing not only against a dehumanized system of labor but also against traditionally repressive religious, social, and familial institutions" (Moglen, 1976: 28).

The Byronic hero is usually a social outcast, a wanderer, or is in exile of some kind, one imposed upon him by some external forces or self-imposed. He also shows an obvious tendency to be arrogant, cunning, cynical, and unrepentant for his faults. He often indulges himself in self destructive activities that bring him to the point of nihilism resulting in his rebellion against life itself. He is hypersensitive, melancholic, introspective, emotionally conflicted, but at the same time mysterious, charismatic, seductive and sexually attractive.”

Louis as he exists in the show to me is pretty much all of those things, and I think to argue that he’s a gothic heroine not only diminishes Claudia’s arc, but robs Louis of his agency within his own story. Louis chooses Lestat, over and over again, he’s not imprisoned by the monster in the domestic sphere, he is one of the monsters who’s controlling the household, including making decisions of when they bring a child into it and when Lestat gets to live in it – he wanted to be turned, he wanted to live with Lestat in Rue Royale, and while there are certainly arguments to be made about their power dynamic within the household in the NOLA era, importantly Louis actually gained social power through his marriage to Lestat, particularly through The Azaelia, he didn’t lose it in the way that’s vital to the story of the gothic heroine.

Daniel Hart even said it in a recent twitter thread about Long Face, but there is an element of Lestat and Louis’ relationship that is transactional, and to me, for that to exist, they both have to have a degree of control over their circumstances and choices in order to negotiate those transactions. Claudia is the one who can’t, she’s the one who’s treated effectively as property, and she’s the one who lacks control over her circumstances.

While you could perhaps argue the constraints of the apartment in Dubai lend more to the gothic heroine archetype, I’d argue it as furthering the Byronic trope again by being representative both of Louis’ self-destruction and self-imposed exile. As Jacob has said a few times, Louis does seem to have known to a degree that Armand was involved in Claudia’s death on some level, and it’s that guilt and misery that has him allowing Armand his degree of control. The fact that Louis was able to leave Armand as easily and as definitively as he was I think demonstrates that distinction too – after all, to compare that ending to Claudia’s multiple attempts to leave the confines of the patriarchal house, both in Rue Royale and Paris, which were punished at every turn – first by her rape, then by Lestat dragging her back off the train, and then by the Coven orchestrating her murder.

Louis gets to leave because Louis can leave, he has both the social and narrative power to, and the fact that he does is, to me, completely at odds with the gothic heroine. Louis can, and does advocate for himself, Louis is proud, moody, cynical. Defiance is a key part of his character, just as his exile from NOLA society due to his race, and his chosen rejection of vampire society in Paris, is. He’s intelligent and sophisticated, travels the world, and has misery in his heart, guilt that eats him up, and self-destructive tendencies. That’s a Byronic Hero, baby!  

[burningvelvet]

Why Mr. Rochester and Bertha Mason Couldn't Get a Legal Separation; or, the Utter Madness of Marital Laws

So I saw a Jane Eyre post discussing why Mr. Rochester and Bertha Mason couldn't get a legal marital separation. I've thought a lot about this topic, and in order to procrastinate writing the final for my upper-level Brontë class, I've decided to write this sort of convoluted analysis instead. I know many others have written about this subject, but I wanted to explore a bit further on my own.

Preliminary context about me, the Brontës, their Byronic inspiration, etc.: I've learned a lot about 19th century British marriage laws recently in my classes on old British literature, as well as by having studied Byron, whose marital separation in 1816 was a notorious part of his history & also reverberated through 19c literature. He refers to this separation in many of his works, most famously in his notorious poem "Fare Thee Well." Harriet Beecher Stowe, the most famous American female writer at the time, was friends with Lady Byron and wrote a book defending her called "Lady Byron Vindicated: A history of the Byron controversy from its beginning in 1816 to the present time" (the original callout post).

Insanity accusations did factor in to Byron's separation. Many scholars have remarked how the Queens of Byronic Criticism, the Brontë sisters, took significant inspiration from their well-worn copy of Moore's biography Life of Byron when creating their works. The Brontës would have been very familiar with marriage laws not only due to their knowledge of Byron's trainwreck of a marriage, but also due to being well-educated women at the time who knew that marriage was the most important economic decision of one's life and could very well make or break a person. As a result, marriage plays a significant role in their novels.

More relevant preliminary context about the novel: Jane Eyre actually takes place in the Georgian era, despite most adaptations and anaysis presenting is as a Victorian piece due to the novels publication date (this drives me crazy; same goes for the other Brontë books). Marriage laws did not change drastically from the time the novel is set to the time Brontë was writing the novel, but things were a bit different socially. Rochester was also married 15 years before his attempt to marry Jane. According to this very good analysis, Rochester and Bertha probably married in or around the year 1793: https://jane-eyre.guidesite.co.uk/timeline.

Now, here are the reasons why Rochester couldn't separate from Bertha:

1) Insanity wasn't grounds for divorce/separation in the Regency era.

Rochester himself says that he couldn't legally separate from her because of her insanity, which presumably rendered any of her faults null on the grounds of that marital vow "in sickness and in health." This is possibly one of his biggest reasons:

"I was rich enough now – yet poor to hideous indigence: a nature the most gross, impure, depraved I ever saw, was associated with mine, and called by the law and by society a part of me. And I could not rid myself of it by any legal procedings: for the doctors now discovered that my wife was mad — her excesses had prematurely developed the germs of insanity [..]"

2) Divorce was nearly impossible anyway.

There had only been around 300 divorces in English history at the time. Almost all of them were husbands divorcing their wives for committing adultery. Only a handful of divorces had succesfully been obtained by women, and they were only in cases where the husband had committed incestuous adultery or bigamy, and was extremely physically cruel. So technically after his bigamy attempt, Bertha may have had more grounds to obtain a divorce than Rochester would have, if only she were lucid enough to do so. However, in that scenario infertility would have helped their case, and Adèle's existence would have harmed their case if he attempted to seek a divorce before marrying Jane. Though as the novel explains, Adèle is probably not his, she definitely would have been used against him, as would the fact that he kept Bertha's existence a secret in England. But he wouldn't have tried for divorce that late in the game anyway, considering it was one of the most difficult options.

3) Female adultery was your best bet at divorce or separation, and this probably wasn't applicable to Mr. & Mrs. Rochester.

Although some scholars claim that there is subtext hinting that Bertha was adulterous (which some adaptations, like the 2006, include), you needed substantial proof of the adultery, which Rochester may not have had if it did occur. Being a proud man, he also wouldn't have wanted to be humiliated in that way by letting it be publicly known (as shame is one of his main reasons for hiding their marriage to begin with).

However, I lean toward the idea that Bertha may not have committed adultery. If she definitively did, seeing how affected Rochester was by Céline cheating on him (he shot her lover in revenge and left her with a stipend), if he ever suspected adultery on Bertha's part then I'm sure he would have been at court the very next day. I also think Rochester tries not to be too much of a hypocrite, and he is well aware that he himself is an adulterer, so he probably doesn't want to accuse Bertha of a crime he's committed and which he couldn't definitively prove she did.

Rochester does talk about hating Bertha's "vices" when they lived together, citing drinking, arguing, cruelty to servants, cursing, her being "unchaste," a "harlot," etc. - the last epithets, combined with her supposed lack of morality, and her being described as seductive, heavily imply that adultery could be added to her list of offenses. However, if she did truly cheat on him as well, I don't see why he wouldn't plainly tell this to Jane as well. I would imagine it would be his first complaint, and it would probably be considered his most justifiable reason against her by their cultural standards.

I don't see why he wouldn't jump to take Bertha's infidelity as an opportunity to defend his own actions, considering how open he is with Jane about his own adultery and being cheated on by Cèline Varens. While I can see how some of the textual evidence may strongly suggest Bertha's adultery, we cannot be fully certain, and that may be because Rochester himself is not fully certain. I cannot see why he wouldn't have sought legal advice on that account alone.

In short, if Bertha was an adulterer, there must have been no evidence to convict her.

Also: while the double-standard may seem odd and trivial to us, the reason why female adultery held more weight than male adultery has entirely to due with old patriarchal inheritance laws; i.e the risk of a wife getting extramaritally pregnant and passing the illegitimate child off as her husband's heir was considered too great of an affront. A man could have as many bastards as he wanted because he would know they were bastards and were not at risk of inheriting his stuff. One needed legitimate heirs to justify passing on one's ancestral wealth to. Essentially, marriage was a mere economic tool, and the economy was and is inherently patriarchal. I digress.

4) Rochester's lack of social & economic leverage, and risk of social ruin in general.

Only the wealthiest of the wealthy could obtain divorce or official separation, and it often led to social ruin. Rochester is rich, but he has no title and no great network of supporters due to being a younger son and having been abroad for most of the past 15 years (this was the length of his marriage to Bertha, stated by Mr. Briggs during the bigamous wedding attempt). He doesn't have as much leverage as Lord and Lady Byron had.

To continue on official separation, like Lady and Lord Byron obtained. Just like divorce, this was also a messy and scandalous legal proceeding, and required numerous good reasons to obtain, and being well-connected Lords and Ladies really helped your case. You also needed many witnesses and written statements as evidence. Bertha's family, as we see with Mason, would have been unhelpful to Rochester, and due to his shame and secrecy, no one could really testify on his behalf I'm assuming.

5) Unofficial separation would have been inconvenient, especially in regards to living situations.

Aside from divorce, which was extremely rare, extremely controversial, and only for the wealthiest members of society — there were unofficial and official separations. An unofficial separation was simply living apart from one another. I've often wondered why Rochester didn't simply move Grace Poole and Bertha somewhere else, but my main theory is that it would have been cost ineffective, and due to his family who were implied to be shitty, he probably really didn't want to live at Thornfield anyway so thought it would be convenient to place her there. Rochester says it would be dangerous to place her in his other residence of Ferndean:

"[..] though I possess an old house, Ferndean Manor, even more retired and hidden than this, where I could have lodged her safely enough, had not a scruple about the unhealthiness of the situation, in the heart of a wood, made my conscience recoil from the arrangement. Probably those damp walls would soon have eased me of her charge: but to each villain his own vice; and mine is not a tendency to indirect assassination, even of what I most hate."

6) Annulment was likely impossible given their circumstances.

Annulment means evaporating the marriage, acting as if it never existed, that it was a mistake. This was rare and only granted in unique circumstances, and I believe it was more common with aristocracy and royals. I believe you could possibly get an annulment if you could prove that the spouse was insane at the time of the wedding and you did not know. However, Bertha did not begin to truly deteriorate until after they had been living together for a bit. And while Rochester says that he did not know her mother was in an asylum until after the wedding, having an insane mother doesn't mean that you are insane, which Bertha clearly wasn't at that point, at least not in a way that people would have publicly acknowledged, since Rochester says she attended parties and her hand was highly sought after.

Generally, the longer a marriage had gone on, the harder it was to prove why it could not go on. Rochester says that he and Bertha "lived together" for "four years" in Jamaica while her condition deteriorated and he tried to make things work. And again, after the wedding he found out her mother was "mad, and shut up in a lunatic asylum." So we have more reasons for Rochester's difficulty: the fear of Bertha going to an asylum while she was still mostly lucid in those first four years, combined with the fact that they openly lived together and certainly must have consummated their marriage (things which would further prevent annulment), and were certainly publicly recognized as a couple in Spanish Town society, and her family wanting the marriage to continue so she could have children of "good race" i.e. to produce heirs.

Here's an important passage that to me suggests that Rochester and Bertha not only had an initial flirtation but likely consummated their marriage, likely had a passionate sexual relationship for some time, and likely implies his feelings for her were more complex than we'd initially assume, making annulment not so clear-cut of an option to him at the time:

"My father said nothing about her money; but he told me Miss Mason was the boast of Spanish Town for her beauty: and this was no lie. I found her a fine woman, in the style of Blanche Ingram; tall, dark, and majestic. Her family wished to secure me because I was of a good race; and so did she. They showed her to me in parties, splendidly dressed. I seldom saw her alone, and had very little private conversation with her. She flattered me, and lavishly displayed for my pleasure her charms and accomplishments. All the men in her circle seemed to admire her and envy me. I was dazzled, stimulated: my senses were excited; and being ignorant, raw, and inexperienced, I thought I loved her. There is no folly so besotted that the idiotic rivalries of society, the prurience, the rashness, the blindness of youth, will not hurry a man to its commission. Her relatives encouraged me; competitors piqued me; she allured me: a marriage was achieved almost before I knew where I was. Oh, I have no respect for myself when I think of that act! — an agony of inward contempt masters me. I never loved, I never esteemed, I did not even know her."

7) Spousal abandonment wasn't possible, and on some level he honored his legal and financial obligations to her and the Mason family.

Bertha's family likely refused to house her for legal and personal reasons, and spousal abandonment was forbidden due to the husband's financial responsibility as well as the law of coverture (a wife became her husband's full legal responsibility; some say "property"). Like we see in Anne's Tenant of Wildfell Hall, if a woman ran away from their spouse they would have to live in obscurity and be at risk of being sussed out. You couldn't just abandon your partner. Still, people did, because it was the easiest route to take.

But the more upper-class you were, and the more financial entanglements you had, the more inconvenient this was. We know that Rochester and his family became enmeshed with the Mason family, and he got a lot of money from Bertha, so her father likely would have taken him to court. At any rate, Rochester was legally bound to bring Bertha with him to England when he left Jamaica. If he attempted to abandon her in Jamaica, the backlash it would have brought would have brought him social ruin and foiled his chances at getting away with any bigamy attempts.

All this brings us to a further notice of Bertha's family situation. Based on Charlotte Brontë's positive comments about Rochester's character (https://www.tumblr.com/burningvelvet/731403104856195072/in-a-letter-to-w-s-williams-14-august-1848) I see no reason to suspect him, like many feminist critics do, of being an unreliable narrator or of lying about Bertha Mason's history. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, and in mine, that is simply not the novel Charlotte wrote. By her own admission, she wanted his narrative to be a path to further goodness.

It makes no narrative sense for our explanation of his and Bertha's history to be full of lies when he's trying to make ammends with Jane, who never suspects him of lying during his admission, but who does critique him and figure he'd tire of her like she was one of his many mistresses. Jane wonders if Rochester would lock her in an attic too, which he refutes on the basis that he loves her more than he loved Bertha when she was sane, and so he would care for Jane himself. Jane also tells him that it's not Bertha's fault that she's mad. So in my opinion, if Charlotte wanted us to believe Rochester was lying about his and Bertha's history to make himself look better or Bertha look worse, I don't see why she would have been vague about it, and I don't see why Jane wouldn't have called it out like she does everything else. I don't think Rochester is really a villain who locked his harmless wife in the attic for giggles; I think he weighed most of his options and found, like most people back then and even today, that keeping his problems locked up and ignored was the best solution.

Now, on with the point. I have often wondered why Rochester didn't simply "unofficially separate" from Bertha by leaving her with her family when he left. Why did he take her to England? Why didn't he just run away? It wasn't because he was an evil villain who wanted to keep her as a trophy. It's because 1) I don't think her father would have let him, as he was so quick to marry her off, 2) he felt obligated to her, and 3) it was criminal for men to abandon their wives, and it would have attracted publicity, which is what Rochester was avoiding by taking Bertha to England and sheltering her in secrecy.

Many claim that Rochester's adultery is a betrayal of his wife; and while religiously, narratively, socially, we can accept this statement, it was not legally a crime. While Rochester does honor his financial and legal obligations to his wife and her family, he does not take the religious part of the vows into account, and that's why he's cosmically punished and only rewarded after he repents, as he explains toward the end of the novel.

Another interesting point is that when Rochester recounts his decision to move back to England, he tells us that Bertha had already been declared insane in Jamaica and that she was already confined there (presumably around the 4 year anniversary before they left), meaning her father probably knew about confinement:

"One night I had been awakened by her yells (since the medical men had pronounced her mad, she had of course been shut up) — it was a fiery West Indian night; [..]"

Locking away "insane" people was standard procedure then, and if this was done with Bertha's father's knowledge, considering he locked his own wife away in an asylum, then this further absolves Rochester of a lot of the blame in my opinion. It more than likely wasn't his idea to lock her away, but the advice of "the medical men" and presumably her father's consultation as well.

8) Even if he divorced or separated from her, he couldn't remarry. Attempting these, or getting caught attempting abandonment, would have brought negative publicity that would have likely prevented the success of any future bigamy attempts. To him, secrecy and bigamy seemed better chances at securing happiness than the social ruin and likely failure the other options would have brought him.

Aside from Rochester's own explanation (which I supplied in #2 re: the separation veto inherent to Bertha's insanity), the other biggest reason as to why Rochester wouldn't seek a separation/divorce even if she hadn't been declared insane and even if he were willing to accuse her of adultery truthfully or not, is due to the fact that one could not legally remarry upon separation or divorce (unless you were Henry VIII and got God's permission lol). Rochester's impossible dream is that he wants to be married to someone he really loves, and if secrecy and bigamy are his only options then he is willing to succumb; this is shown in numerous passages:

"[..] I could reform — I have strength yet for that — if— but where is the use of thinking of it, hampered, burdened, cursed as I am? Besides, since happiness is irrevocably denied me, I have a right to get pleasure out of life: and I will get it, cost what it may."

"I will keep my word: I will break obstacles to happiness, to goodness — yes, goodness; I wish to be a better man than I have been; than I am — as Job's leviathan broke the spear, the dart, and the habergeon, hinderances which others count as iron and brass, I will esteem but straw and rotten wood."

"Is there not love in my heart, and constancy in my resolves? It will expiate at God's tribunal. I know my Maker sanctions what I do. For the world's judgment — I wash my hands thereof. For man's opinion — I defy it."

Closing remarks on the above's validity: I can't cite all my sources because a lot of this stuff I learned from lectures via my professor who specializes in 19th century English literature & history. But here's some recently published information from a historian, taken from "Inside the World of Bridgerton: True Stories of Regency High Society" by Catherine Curzon (2023):

"And if you were one of the newly-weds, you really did hope things would work out, because in the Regency till death do us part wasn't just an expression. As the Prince Regent himself had learned when he separated from his wife within eighteen months of their marriage, obtaining a divorce in Regency England was no easy matter. He never achieved it, and for those who did the stakes could be high and the cost ruinous in every sense."

"Until the passing of the Matrimonial Causes Act of 1857, which legalized divorce in the civil courts, it was governed by the ecclesiastical courts, and the Church didn't end a marriage without very, very good reason. Even these divorces didn't allow a couple to remarry, though, and they were more akin to what we would today call a legal separation, with no shared legal or financial responsibilities going forward. It was freedom, but only to a point."

"The only way to obtain a complete dissolution that allowed for remarriage was to secure a parliamentary divorce, and these were notoriously difficult to obtain. They began with a criminal conversation case, because they relied on adultery by one of the parties to make them even a slight possibility. If a woman committed crim. con., her life in polite society was over."

[yvain]

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall opens with Gilbert Markham telling the story of his meeting Helen who has just moved into his neighborhood after leaving her husband. A fugitive from the law, she lives under an assumed name and tries to avoid the society of her immediate neighbors—Markham and his cohorts. Seen through the lens of Gilbert’s desire, Helen’s character emerges as the archetypal misanthropic stranger, inhabiting a wild and romantic Gothic mansion, her past replete with dark secrets. Brontë has done something astonishingly new: she has created a plausible female Byronic hero, coveted for her very “unfeminine” qualities: inquietude, difficulty, and distance. She is the “mysterious lady” who is so reserved that, “they tried all they could to find out who she was, and where she came from, and all about her, but [no one] ... could manage to elicit a single satisfactory answer ... or throw the faintest ray of light upon her history, circumstances, or connections. Moreover, she was barely civil to them .…” Anne revises Charlotte's Jane Eyre and Emily's Wuthering Heights: it is not Rochester who rules this Thornfield Hall nor is it Heathcliff who lurks about Wuthering Heights seeing ghosts. This time, the woman takes the role of the stormy and seductive artist who charms and mesmerizes the man. Wildfell Hall is a dilapidated, storied mansion, like so many other homes of Gothic literature; it is “cold and gloomy... with its thick stone mullion and little latticed panes, its time-eaten air-holes, and its too lonely, too unsheltered situation” surrounded by trees “half blighted with storms, and looking as stern and gloomy as the hall itself” which “harmonized well with the ghostly legend and dark traditions our old nurse had told us respecting the haunted hall and its departed occupants.” Helen haunts these bleak rooms, and Gilbert longs to redeem her from her dark past and bring her back into the fold, just as Jane yearns to be Rochester's salvation, his earthly paradise.

Deborah Lutz, introduction to The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Brontë

[napoleonic-sexyman-tournament]

Arthur Wellesley:

"So, I saw that you had no propaganda for the Iron Duke himself and thought that should be corrected, because I cannot let this man go unloved.

He is the ultimate sexyman. I don't really get that title or the requirements but I do know this man and he is the ultimate in Regency-era sexiness.

Field Marshal Sir Arthur Wellesley, First Duke of Wellington, whose full list of titles merits its own Wikipedia page, he had so many (including Prince of Waterloo of the Kingdom of the Netherlands), was so well known for his debonairness that he was often called "the Beau" or Beau Wellesley.

Our dear Duke with his eyes of "a brilliant light blue," is quite the underdog made good. The fourth son of an Anglo-Irish aristocratic family, he was a bit of a loner as a child, whose star was eclipsed by the academic success of his older and younger brothers. Yet he had a remarkable talent for the violin, which as we know from Mrs. Jefferson is quite a good quality for a man to have. As a young man he was considered extremely good humored and drew "much attention" from female society. The Napiers of Celbridge thought he was a "saucy stripling" and he was also considered quite mischievous. Yet he also had a rich inner life, reading and contemplating the great philosophers of the day.

Yes, we know about his military victories in the Peninsula (the position of Field Marshal of the British Army and the accompanying baton were created for him) and his success at Waterloo, but he was also both romantic and a ladies' man. (I could go on about the military success but that's not really what this is about, is it?)

Want the romantic side? He fell in love with Kitty Pakenham while a lowly aide-de-camp in Dublin but, with no real position or prospects, was laughed away by her brother when he sought to marry her. In a fit of pique he destroyed his violin and turned firmly toward progressing his career. Over a decade later, after he had made something of himself in India, he learned she hadn't married, supposedly because she was still pining for him. Reader, he married her, despite thinking she'd grown ugly, and got two children from her in less than two years. I'm not kidding, this man was virile. They married in April of 1806, their first son was born in February, 1807, and their second son was born in January 1808. Although he wasn't sexual faithful to her, Wellington wore an amulet she gave him for over twenty years, and was still wearing it when he sat with her on her deathbed. When she was surprised he still wore it, he told her if she'd just bothered to check in the last twenty years, she'd have found it. Despite surviving her by twenty years, the Duke never remarried.

Now, please don't think badly of him for the lack of sexual fidelity. It was the Georgian era. Sexual fidelity was not a part of marriage in high society. Men didn't sleep only with their wives and some wives could be quite happy with that (for one, it's much easier not to have one pregnancy after another when your husband is sleeping with someone else). Not that women weren't also sleeping around. Which brings me to one of Wellington's more… interesting conquests: Lady Caroline Lamb, wife of William Lamb (the future Second Viscount Melbourne and Prime Minister). Why do I know that name, you ask? The OG pixie manic dream girl, Caro's much more notably known for her affair with Lord Byron. After that particular bit of nonsense, she was in Brussels with the rest of the English aristocracy during the 100 Days/post Waterloo. She and the Duke supposedly slept together and she took his cloak away as a souvenir.

Who else did the Duke liaise with? Well, there were the usual flings with actresses and singers, such as La Grassini. As previously noted in another post on this tumblr, he was noted as a stronger, better lover than Napoleon by another of their mutual lovers. Wellington also was a client of Harriette Wilson. He visited her when she was in Paris after the Duke of Beaufort bought her off, though this was before Beaufort stopped paying her, prompting her to publish her memoirs. She canvassed her old lovers, including Wellington, to see if they'd pay her not to be in them. Wellington send her a note in return saying "Publish and be Damned." Something about his succinct dismissal of her is just so hot.

Oh, want a bit more of Wellington being a bad boy? In 1829, while Prime Minister, he got into a duel that still is commemorated almost two hundred years later. King's College, London, was set up while Wellington was also advocating for Catholic Emancipation and this led to Lord Winchilsea publicly insulting Wellington's honor to the point that the Duke (who'd never dueled before or supported dueling generally) called him out. They went to Battersea Fields and settled the matter with pistols. Wellington won and Winchelsea apologized. King's College celebrates "Duel Day" every March.

Even better, want to read about Elizabeth Bennet and the Duke being witty and falling in love? Complete with scenes of the Duke showing he knows what to do with his cannon? Then let me recommend the third variation of An Ever Fixed Mark, A Dalliance with the Duke. I dare you not to vote for him for all eternity with that portrayal in your head."

Emma, Lady Hamilton:

a. “Her boyfriend got bored with her and passed her onto his uncle. Reader, she married him, and started having threesomes with Lord Nelson. She basically bullied her way into social acceptance despite being a former courtesan. Also, she was hot as hell.”

[spacerockfloater]

The “the whole theme of Fire and Blood is about how bad misogyny is!” rhetoric actually makes me laugh, because not only is GRRM himself one of the most misogynistic fantasy writers out there, but his lack of understanding when it comes to one of the fundamental ideas of feminism, which is that all women deserve respect, is evident when you look at the type of women who are uplifted in his work:

1. Beautiful preteen girls who get sexually/ physically abused (Sansa, Daenerys, Shireen)

2. Virginal girls who swear off men and their traditional roles (Arya, Brienne)

3. Dutiful mothers (Catelyn)

And that’s it. A woman is valued in his story only when she is either pretty and young and pure but suffers for it, a virgin that renounces sex completely or has children. Every other single female character is treated like absolute garbage and ridiculed for her weight, age, sex drive, ambition, beliefs etc.

This man is a textbook misogynist. And you know that because his favourite characters are Jon Snow, a byronic hero, and Daemon Targaryen, a controversial deuteragonist. His male characters are part of a spectrum and he adds nuance to all of them by making them complicated, morally challenged yet still somehow superior, macho men with hard abs. They all make difficult decisions that are based on their trauma/ experiences and personal values/ ambitions, they’re all multidimensional beings that can’t be described as purely good or evil, but! The women in his works are helpless little creatures that stuff just keeps happening to them and he praises them depending on if their reactions to these situations appeal to the male fantasy and ideal of what a good woman should be, but punishes them when they make decisions for themselves. In his work, men are proactive, but women are reactive.

Both Rhaenyra and Alicent are evil caricatures. An evil stepmom, a spoiled bratty daughter. He never meant for his story to make us think “wow! patriarchy is bad!”, even if we obviously thought it anyway and it’s true. All he wanted was to tell a shocking story full of badass men doing badass things.

[sillyteecup]

The Wrong Way

Roman Reigns x black!o.c

Jey Uso x black!o.c

Chapter 2

Warnings:

18+

Strong language

References to sexual assault

Slutshaming

Taglist: @wrestlingprincess80 @lensilver @nbanenefrmdao @theninthwonder @vebner37 @tshepisho

A.N: Lmao so I took a little too long with this especially for how short it is, but like I said, I had a super busy week and just tried to get it together piece by piece. Rest assured thou that I will try and be quicker with chapter 3. Anyway, hope you like it. Enjoy❤️

Loreal was incensed. Throughout the meeting about the arrangements to be made, she fought the urge to look around for hidden cameras. This had to be a joke of some kind. A very unfunny joke at that. She had zoned out from the moment Byron introduced Tribal Prince Jey as her fiancé. As if her system had shut down from the disbelief. She sat at the large table in the dining hall with a curt, yet equally polite curl on her lips.

Not a smile. There was nothing to smile about.

While unable to listen, Lori did her best to observe her fiancé, new in-laws, and their Wiseman. Tribal Prince Solo was nothing short of stoic. His expression never cracked or wavered and he never spoke unless spoken to. Lori would never blame one for thinking he was essentially a walking corpse. It was creepy, but also weirdly impressive.

"The Tribal Tribal Prince and Princess to be will be wed on island of Samoa," Lori briefly heard the Wiseman tell Lord Byron. She fought an eye roll at the trivial information. She knew her father didn't care where it happened, as long as it did.

The white one, Sami, she heard the Wiseman call him, was somewhat fidgety. Maybe jumpy or paranoid would be a better description. His eyes flew to every corner of the room as if scanning for threats, albeit quite subtly as Lori doubted she would've noticed had it not been for her downright watching them. She also picked up on how when one of the staff members had dropped a tray after serving them tea, Sami's leg bounced rapidly as his hand flew to scratch his beard. Lori summized that he was trying to avoid an outwardly jumpy reaction. Granted he did a horrible job.

"There will be a few, uhm...routines that she will need to partake in," Lori heard the Wiseman state, not bothering to listen to the rest of his explanation. Her mother would fill her in later anyway.

The twins, Tribal Princes Jimmy and Jey were different from their brother, Solo. Glaringly different. They were expressive, laid back, talkative. Very talkative. They never said anything out loud, just the occasional exchange of whispers and snickers among the two of them. Jimmy however seemed to be the more decent one. Perhaps it was bias since he wasn't the one her father sold her soul to. While Jey held a hungry gaze whenever he encountered an attractive member of the female staff, Jimmy mainly focused on the meeting and the appetizers they had been served. Jimmy would also occasionally call for Jey's concentration, but it seemed that it was in fear of the Tribal Chief noticing.

Speaking of the Tribal Chief-

"The Tribal Princess-to-be will also be expected to live in the main palace until she and the Tribal Prince are to be married-" Lori's head snapped in the Wiseman's direction at this fact. Her sharp gaze missed the worried ones of her parents who weren't sure what to anticipate.

"Excuse me?" Lori asked, struggling to keep her voice level. Not only was she being offered as a sacrificial lamb to this fiend, but she was also being uprooted from her home without so much as a 2 week notice.

At this, Tribal Chief Roman's sharp gaze that had been mostly focused on Lord Byron and the Wiseman, shifted to Lori for the first time since he had entered their home. Lori couldn't put a finger on what was behind it, but despite it's intimidating nature, she shook it off. Now was not the time to be deterred by this man whose family was shaking her life up by the second.

"Uhm, yes Miss Loreal. As a future Tribal Princess, you are expected to reside in the palace until your wedding day-" the Wiseman had begun to explain, only to be cut off by an increasingly irritated Lori.

"With a man whom I've never spoken a word outside of a greeting to? Out of the question," Lori stated dismissively. She wasn't having any of it. Marrying him was bad enough, but to live with him before she had exchanged even the most insignificant bit of small talk with him was just a whole new extreme.

Lord Byron smiled nervously at the Tribal Chief. Lori's temper was a dangerous thing on it's own, now for it to flare in front of the most powerful man in the world was a sure recipe for destruction as he was certain that the Tribal Chief would not take kindly to her words once angered. Lord Byron could only tread lightly to keep both parties calm.

"Loreal, my dear, there is no question regarding the matter. If it is the will of the Tribal Chief, then it will be done," he said softly, trying his best to satisfy the Bloodline and avoid undermining his daughter directly. He stared at her pleadingly, noticing her jaw clench and eye start to twitch ever so slightly.

The twins watched the interaction, secretly anticipating a firey reaction from Lori to lighten the boring meeting. Solo remained stoic while Sami and the Wiseman's eyes were trained on the Tribal Chief, worried that her outburst might anger him, an emotion they usually experienced the brunt of. Tribal Chief Roman however was intrigued by her initial reaction. Her defiance, although minor was a sign that she would survive this turbulent marriage and life with his cousin. One less woman coming to him with complaints about an unhappy marriage.

Loreal exhaled deeply, keeping her temper at bay. Her stony gaze remained on her father as she spoke: "When am I expected to move?" she asked with a strained voice.

The Wiseman cleared his voice nervously, clearly worried that his answer would cause a series of unfortunate events. "Miss Loreal, unfortunately customs require you to move to the palace today," he replied, eyes flying between Lori and Tribal Chief Roman.

Lori stared blankly as the gears turned in her mind. Today? As in now? Again, surely this must be some sick fucking joke. Feeling her temper rapidly rise back up, she abruptly stood up from her seat and stormed up to her room. The absence of footsteps behind her told her her parents knew better than to try and reason with her right now. She needed time.

She stormed into her room, startling her maidens. "Ma'am, is it over already?"

"Ma'am you seem distressed?"

"Ma'am, what is the verdict?"

"Ma'am is everything well?" they all asked at the same time, further overwhelming Lori.

However they held no blame over her situation, so she calmed down before answering them. "Tribal Prince Jey, tell me about him. Tell me everything you've heard, everything you know," she demanded in a calm haste.

She sat on the edge of her bed as the maidens grabbed their stools to sit around her in their "gossip formation" as she liked to call it jokingly.

Willow was the first one to speak, sensing that there wasn't much time before one of her parents came knocking. 

"He's well known for well, being quite the rover ma'am," she said hesitantly. The last thing she needed was to be heard calling a member of the most powerful family across the seas a whore.

"That's putting it quite lightly Willow. The man is a womanizer. Has many a mistress across the seas I've heard," Minerva stated carelessly.

"And many a lovechild, I've heard," Claudia added with a scandalized look.

"I've heard he's a deviant. No regard for a lady's feelings and only wants one thing: sex. That's all he sees women for," Indi scoffed, looking slightly annoyed to Lori's intrigue.

"You've encountered him personally?" Lori asked her with a frown.

Indiana's eyes widened as she was taken aback. "No ma'am, not me!" she denied quickly in defense of her reputation.

"Then someone you know." Lori wasn't asking; it was an observation. One she wanted confirmed.

However Indiana seemed apprehensive, taking her time to answer which only further upset Lori. "Perhaps I should've mentioned that our time is borrowed. Someone will come to check on me soon and I would rather they not hear this little conversation for your own safety," Lori said, beckoning Indiana to speak and quickly.

"It was my sister. She encountered the Tribal Prince Jey a month ago," Indiana revealed softly. She was still afraid that the wrong person might have heard her and that her sister's life would be in jeopardy.

Lori exhaled sharply. Before she could speak however, there was a knock, likely one of her parents. The maidens immediately stood up and moved the chairs to their rightful positions and stood to the side of the room. Lori nodded, signaling for Claudia to open the door, revealing and annoyed yet nervous looking Lord Byron.

Lori's father took cautious steps into the room and towards his daughter. "I've come in peace," he said, hoping to avoid his daughter's wrath.

"Peace that you compromised the moment you decided to sacrifice me like a goat, to a hoodlum no less," Lori hissed, glaring daggers at her father.

"Lori he is a man who has desires. Unfortunately he tends to succumb to them, but that does not make him unworthy of respect nonetheless," Lord Byron explained in defense of the Tribal Prince.

Lori chuckled sarcastically. "If he were a woman he would be considered a damaged whore," she scoffed.

"Well his family is aware of your damaged state and still desires to have you as a princess. You should be grateful. Count yourself lucky that there is a man who still desires you!" he whisper-shouted, starting to feel his own temper rise at his daughter's defiance.

"A man who desires anything he can insert-" she was once again interrupted by Lord Byron.

"Loreal you are in no position of judgement! Perhaps if you hadn't shamed me, and were still pure, then you could run your mouth and voice your obscene opinions, but you are not pure. You do not have that luxury! Because you are used, damaged, tattered!" he hissed, making Lori's heart drop with each word.

How he loves to forget my cries and screams for help that day.

"So you sold me to a man who you see as my moral equal?" Lori asked incredulously as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. "Your love for me knows no bounds," she sarcastically gritted through her teeth.

Lord Byron ran his hand down his face and sighed before turning to leave her room. "Pack. All of you," he commanded, addressing the maidens for the first time since he had entered the room.

"You are to leave with the Bloodline in 2 hours."

[harveywritings92]

[Charlie is crowd sourcing ideas for hotel activities and calls her "Human resource" manager R/n via magic mirror the others huddle around and are greeted by R/n who is beaten to pulp and being held hostage, (The reader works for a secret organization that studies demons and supernaturals, think Hell-boy meets Archer.) and they did not look happy at their coworkers...]

Female Coworker: R/n, you okay?

R/n: Do you people even give a shit?!

(R/n breaks free and swiftly snaps the neck of their kidnapper with their bare hands.)

Angel dust: Whoa!

Male coworker 1: Good God!

R/n: The secretary's dumb ass gets me kidnapped and the shit kicked out of me all day and nobody even tries to rescue me?!

Male coworker 2: 3's fault.

Male coworker 3: Shut up.

R/n: YOU shut up, Mister "R/n's Not Worth It!" Then you stupid a-holes shoot a jillion stupid a-hole bullets at me!

R/n's Boss: Not me! I wasn't shooting!

R/n: Annnnd YOU! The worst of the bunch!

R/n's boss: Me?! Why me?!

R/n, referring to their ransom: Five thousand measly dollars?

Husk: Seriously? Five thousand?

Vaggie: Oh, I think hell might be getting a new citizen...

R/n's Boss, backing away from them: You know, maybe I low balled him at first but I-I I had some wiggle room!

R/n, laughs: Yeah? Well let's see how much you wiggle when I'm whipping five thousand bucks worth of your ass!

R/n's boss, blanches: What?!

Female coworker, tries to stop them: Hey, whoa, R/n!

Male coworker 3, holds her back: No, no. Let them have this one.

R/n's Boss, looking desperately for help: Guys! Somebody? Anybody?!

[R/n rips off their shirt and bra to reveal Lord Byron's "The Destruction of Sennacherib" tattooed on their back, along with some tally marks.)

R/n: Yeah, anybody wanna piece of this?

{the others watch on in fear]

Female coworker: ...nope.

{Charlie quickly hangs up before R/n beats the ever living crap out of their boss.]

Charlie: Y'know what? I think I'll call them back at a better time...

[startrekfangirl2233-writes]

Bookmark my Heart

Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x Reader

Description: You're not the audiobook type. You much prefer reading over listening to books. It would just be your luck that an audiobook got you into this predicament. His eyes are piercing as you fumble with your phone to mute the volume, his voice blaring from the device.

Warnings: None! (Though I do believe Flirty!Rooster is a warning I should call out.)

Themes: Meet-Cute, Flirting, Coffee, Books, Smut Books

Word Count: 3456

A/N: So, if you all aren't aware, today is the lovely @roosterforme's birthday! I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate Em and all of the amazing things she does more than to write some Rooster for her. Happy Birthday! I hope your day is as wonderful as you are! So without further ado, I'm pleased to present you all with Bookmark my Heart, a fic where Bradley Bradshaw is an audiobook narrator and the reader, nicknamed Paper, runs right into him! All my thanks to @horseshoegirl and @desert-fern for beta-reading this fic and catching all of the places where I've missed commas as well as updating my phrasing!

My Masterlist

AO3: Cross-posted Here!

Wattpad: Cross-posted Here!

You’re not the audiobook type. Something about having someone read the pages, providing inflections and changes of tone to the otherwise inflectionless words tends to kill your imagination. So you much prefer reading over listening to the books you’re in the mood to peruse. It would just be your luck that an audiobook got you into this predicament. His eyes are piercing as you fumble with your phone to mute the volume, his voice blaring from the device. But maybe you should back up a little bit.

It all started, like it usually did for you, with a book. Unlike normally though, you aren’t talking about Keats, Byron, Shelley, or Austen. This time, the book that was your downfall was something you’d usually classify as chick-lit. Not that chick-lit is a bad thing. There are quite a few romance novels which are beautifully written and that you enjoy reading and re-reading. It’s just not normal that a romance novel, something smutty and provocative, would end up being talked about on podcasts and the news. That’s not considering how all of your female colleagues seem to be talking about the very same book. But that’s the other interesting thing. They’re not even discussing the book’s contents. More like they’re discussing the narrator’s voice in the audiobook edition - how deep and smooth and raspy it is.

It hadn’t even been a full day before the curiosity got the better of you and you purchased the book from Kindle Unlimited. It took you the better part of two weeks before you actually screwed up the courage to listen to it though. Maybe you shouldn’t have picked a Saturday morning when you were running errands to listen to the book. In your defense, there was no better time to listen to the book other than a day when you’d be spending quite a long time in the car with nothing else to do. You’d definitely miscalculated. Dear lord, this man’s voice?! It’s deep and raspy, something smooth and dark in how he voices the syllables. It’s the kind of voice you’ve once heard referred to as panty-wetting - an epithet you’ve never understood until now.

The book has you squirming as you walk through the grocery store. There’s sweat dripping down your spine as he talks about something involving fighter jets and the men (and women - you always feel like you have to correct) who fly them. You’d never have thought that flaps and ailerons could ever be that alluring. You have to take a minute as you leave the grocery store, sitting in your car in silence practically heaving just at the way the word “Doll” had dripped off of his lips. Maybe you can buy into the hype a little bit. It’s not often that you find a romance book in the male perspective after all. As far as finding the pilots sexy goes, though, what can you say? You’ve seen Top Gun - both movies - those boys in their dress whites are awfully sexy.

You send a little prayer of thanks to Rooster Bradshaw, whoever he is, for narrating this book. Just his voice has already made your boring Saturday running errands a thousand times better. You don't even mind that you're melting in the San Diego heat without the air conditioning on as you collect yourself. At least there is only one thing you have left to do today. As a reward for finishing up your errands, including odious activities like going to the bank and post office and grocery shopping, you'd vowed to treat yourself with a romp through your favorite bookstore.

Like you mentioned earlier, it all started with a book. What can you say? You're nothing if not predictable. The Breezy Bean is your favorite coffee shop and bookstore. It's a small shop nestled right in the midst of cobblestone streets and overshadowed by apartment buildings on either side. It's always a zoo trying to get parking, but you can't regret the competition for parking when the books are as good as they are and the coffee is even better.

Lara's not at the counter, but her business partner and best friend, Emily is, and you wave at her absentmindedly as you tangle the cord of your headphones around your index finger. The entire shop smells like coffee beans, paper and ink. You could spend forever here, and you're sure you have, at the very least, spent the entire day in the shop before. The shelves tower over your head, creaking under the weight of everything they hold. You're not a woman on a mission today, content to just meander until a cover catches your fancy. The eyes eat first, after all, isn't that what they say? If only you knew how true that statement would be.

The whole time you're listening to the book, tasting the words on your tongue seconds after Rooster says them, teasing the syllables out like you're trying to snatch them from his lips. Is it any wonder that after about four hours of listening to his voice, you're starting to imagine what the main character of the book looks like based on how Rooster sounds? You're only human, after all. It's quiet and dim in the back of the store, the shelves lit only by the small lights shining from the wall sconces. This is your favorite section of the store. There's a squashy green armchair here with a small table, and this is where you usually sit and wile away the hours.

It's rare that anyone ever ventures into this corner of the store. So it's a surprise when you see a man standing right in front of your favorite chair. He's tall and ridiculously handsome, wearing an eye-wateringly bright Hawaiian shirt and slim-fitting jeans. Like everyone in California, he's got Ray-Bans flung into the neckline of his tank top. The truly unique part of his look is the mustache he's carefully cultivated on his upper lip. He’s holding a book in long-fingered hands, lips pursed as he scans the pages, leaning gently against one of the shelves.

You try your best to squeeze past him in the narrow aisle, wondering if Em and Lara have squeezed more shelves back here or if you've just gained weight when it happens — your headphone cord snags on the buttons on his open shirt. You try to untangle it, unsuccessfully, but then your phone falls out of your pocket and rips your headphones right out of the jack.

You were just getting to a good part, something filled with innuendo but not quite at the sex. That's your only silver lining. Because when your phone nosedives to the, thankfully, carpeted floor sans your headphones, the audio keeps playing way too loudly for the hushed environment. To add insult to injury, your phone is closer to him than it is to you, and well, you've embarrassed yourself enough. The last thing you need is to get eye-level with a stranger's dick while your phone is narrating smut in a bookstore.

“Good book?” There's a smile on his face, and you nod timidly as he hands you back your phone. You pause the app and turn the volume all the way down before his words, or well, you should say, the sound of his voice sinks in.

If you weren’t mortified before, you're even more so now. Obviously, your brain does not compute, so your brain-to-mouth filter isn't working as you blurt out, “You're Rooster Bradshaw.”

It doesn’t surprise you at all when he starts laughing - a full body, belly laugh which fills the stacks with the mellifluous sound. If you had any doubts before that you'd run into the Rooster Bradshaw at your favorite coffee shop before (which you didn’t - see your intimate knowledge of his voice from earlier), you wouldn’t have any now. His character had actually laughed not fifteen minutes ago in the book. Well, now what are you supposed to do? You feel hot, embarrassment crawling its way up your throat as you shift your weight back and forth. Rooster's smiling at you as he stands back, lounging against the shelf like he's waiting for you to get your shit together. You'd hate to break it to him, but you don't think that's possible.

“I'm sorry.” You try your best to hide your face because he does not need to see what your facial expressions are doing.

“What do you have to be sorry for?” You shrug a shoulder as you busy yourself by turning around and trying to force yourself to read the titles. “It's not every day I run into pretty girls in my favorite bookstore, listening to me narrate a book about US Naval Aviators.”

Flirting shouldn’t be the thing which puts you at ease in this situation. There really must be something wrong with you. You’ve never done anything like this before. What happened to the girl who would have run away the minute the phone fell? She might not be facing down the sexiest man she’s ever seen, but at least that version of her isn’t at risk of heart palpitations.

“I hate to break it to you, Rooster, but a lot of pretty women are listening to you right now. This book has made its way onto podcasts and PBS. The author herself has been interviewed gushing about your professionalism and how you say the word “aileron.” Despite your mortification, you find yourself mirroring his relaxed position against the shelves. “Though I do have to correct a part of your statement there. What about yoga pants, glasses, and a messy bun makes me pretty? Because I’d call myself a mess.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to say you’re a mess, pretty girl.” Rooster grins as he tugs the shoulder of your cami up from where it is sliding down your arm. “Don’t you know exactly how devastating you look in those yoga pants?”

You’re left dumbstruck, reeling as he leans even closer to you. All of a sudden, you’re inundated with the scent of his cologne as he crowds into your space, and you’re forced to tip your head up to keep eye contact. Of course, the motion makes your glasses tip on your face, and you can’t lift a hand up to resettle them on your face without brushing up against every inch of the man, nearly squishing you into the shelf. There’s a scant few centimeters between you as you try to string words together.

“What makes you think I don’t know how good these pants make my ass look?” You smirk just a little, screwing up all of your courage to peer up at him. “But really, this outfit is comfortable.”

“Comfortable is not how you’re making me feel, honey.” There’s a heat in his gaze as his voice rasps out the words. “But maybe we can both get a little more comfortable and have a cup of coffee together?” 

Only two people will ever know if your hand strays right over the seam at the front of his jeans as you walk away. “I’d love to, but maybe you need to take a few minutes in seclusion, Mr. Chicken.”

You feel giddy as you walk away because things like this don’t just happen to girls like you. You don’t flirt with men you've just met. And you definitely do not brush over the dicks of men you've just met! The counter is nearly empty as you walk up, and you know Em has clocked onto the fact that your hands are surprisingly empty of books.

“Hiya, Paper!” You roll your eyes only a little. Buy a stack of paperbacks once a week from a bookstore for months, and this is exactly what you’ll be nicknamed. “No books today?”

“Hey, Em. Can I get a latte, please? And whatever the gentleman in the Hawaiian shirt orders is on me.” You grin at the sight of her eyebrows ticking up until they’re nearly in her hair.

“What has our sweet little Paper been doing today, huh?” You shrug just a little, grinning as she hands you your drink. “I’ve been reading, Em!”

“Of course you have!” You’re laughing as you make your way to a table for two in the corner.

You’re smiling outright when Rooster swaggers out of the shelves a few minutes later, and Em clocks the Hawaiian shirt on his broad frame. She’s half drooling when he orders an Americano. As she turns to make his drink, you get the messages in short order.

What the fuck, Paper!

This is the man you’re buying a coffee for?

Damn, girl! I’m going to need all of the details. STAT!

You put the device away only when the chair opposite yours slides out, and Rooster settles in. You'd promised a full detailing of the encounter to Em, and you wouldn't be surprised if Lara interrogates you the next time you see her as well.

“So, obviously, you come here often, then.” He’s smirking as he sips on his coffee.

“Yup!” You’re just as chipper as you blow over the surface of your own mug.

“You come here often enough that one of the owners just threatened me with the loss of my…” He pauses like he’s not sure if he should laugh or cry as he says the words, “...crown jewels…” and grimaces before continuing, “...if I hurt you.”

“She also called you Paper. Why’s that, Honey?”  

You lean forward, feeling just a little more confident as he mirrors your position. “Tit for tat, Bradshaw, if that even is your last name. You tell me something about yourself, I tell you something about myself.”

“Deal?” You stretch your hand out and gasp when he takes it and sets it down to the side of the mugs.

“Deal.”

“I’ll start.” Your faces are inches apart from each other. He's whispering, and you have to lean forward even further so you don't miss a single word. “My name’s Bradley Bradshaw. I didn’t want to use my real name while narrating those books.”

“And Rooster was what you decided on?” His chuckle and yours rise into the air in perfect harmony.

“It was a nickname I got in college. I was always the only guy in the dorm up before 9 A.M.”

You take turns sharing your life stories and quite a few secrets until your coffees are long gone. You find yourself telling him all about how you got your nickname and how you’ve been feeling stuck for the longest time. With Bradley, it doesn’t feel like another boring first date. If it weren’t for the faint hiss of the espresso machine and the clank of mugs and cutlery you wouldn't think there was another person in the room but the two of you. There are butterflies in your stomach, and your entire body shudders when he hooks his ankle around yours and tugs you closer. That point of contact has your blood turning into molten lava in your veins as his hand trails gentle patterns across your upturned palm.

“Hey, Paper?” It takes an inhuman effort to drag your eyes away from the magic Bradley Bradshaw is committing just with your hands in his own.

“Hey, Em.” As you say her name, you realize how dark it is. “The store’s closing, isn’t it?”

“Yup. It actually closed an hour ago. You looked so cute together that I called Lara, and we made an executive decision to let the two of you keep talking for just a bit longer.”

Your face feels extra hot because Em’s looking at you like she’s liable to start laughing at any moment. You don’t want to know what your hair looks like now, not after hours of running your fingers through it. It’s probably even more of a mess than it was when you literally ran into Bradley hours ago. A great first impression, right?

“Let me settle up then, Em.” If your voice is hushed and a little more subdued, it’s because reality and panic are settling in.

“No, sweetheart.” Bradley’s voice is even firmer as he stands up and places a hand on your arm. “Today is on me, I insist.”

You know exactly when Em puts it together, because her eyes widen to a comical degree. She was the biggest reason why you bought the book in the first place. “You’re Rooster Bradshaw!”

For the second time today, you find yourself laughing along with Bradley, though the sounds of his laughter doesn’t put you at ease in quite the same way as it did earlier. Em’s laughing too, and she looks gorgeous in the golden light. At least she’s put together in a way you’re so obviously not. Maybe you should have taken your mother’s well-meant advice when you were younger - dress to impress, for you never know who you’re going to meet. But you haven’t taken that advice, choosing to dress simply and comfortably. It works when you can’t wear any makeup when you work in a laboratory and when all of your nice clothes would be at risk of chemical spills at worst and covered by a lab coat at best. So you walk through life in a swirl of well-worn jeans, tee-shirts, yoga pants, tank tops, camisoles, sneakers and sandals. There are a few dressier items in your closet, but they’re so far in the back that you haven’t worn them in probably a year and a half. Em’s cute outfit and wavy, non-greasy hair probably feel like a breath of fresh air to him. The same goes for the timber of her voice and how she sounds so elegant. 

If you didn't know any better (because you know Em, you do), you'd think that the words the two of them are sharing by the counter now are flirtier than settling up a bill. It doesn’t help the green, envious monster sitting on your shoulder, though. Nor does it help when you run to the restroom and take a look at yourself in the mirror. You look worse than you thought you did. Your face is wan and pale, the bags under your eyes have bags, and your hair is so greasy that it lays limp when you release it from your bun. Your lips are chapped, and fuck, how did you manage to drip coffee onto yourself?! You only drank one cup! What's left to show you that you've made a huge fool of yourself?

Your hands shake as you splash water on your face and put your hair back in its sad bun again. Just a little longer and you'll be home, wallowing in peace at yet another failed potential relationship. At least the water has brought a blush to your cheeks and cleaned the worst of the smudges off your glasses. Bradley probably has Em's phone number by now, right? It's probably best not to get your hopes up too high, else you find yourself falling from a prodigious height.

Instead, you're pleasantly surprised to see him still in the shop.

“Hey!” His face lights up when he sees you, and you're sure your earlier pep-talk about managing your expectations hasn’t worked at all. This is going to hurt. “So, I know talking to a stranger for hours at a coffee shop probably isn't the best first date. So would you maybe want to go on a real one sometime soon?”

“Y-you're serious?” He smiles and hands you his phone, unlocked.

“Put your number in there, Paper.” Your mind's not working at all as you type the ten digits in. 

“Why me?” 

His smile is warm and fond as he takes the phone back, types something and hits send. Your notification tone goes off soon after. 

“It's not every day I run into a pretty girl listening to me reading a romance novel who doesn't fawn all over me once they realize who I am. It's been nice talking to you. I feel like you're the first person in a long time to see Bradley, not Rooster.”

He holds the door open for you, a hand finding its way to the small of your back as he walks you out to your car. He even opens the door for you, a chivalrous action which has your heart flip-flopping in your chest. “Baby doll?”

“Yeah?” He takes advantage of the height difference between you to tip your face up as he feathers a kiss across the apple of your cheek.

“It helps that your ass looks damn good in those yoga pants!” 

You're laughing despite yourself as you drive away. Maybe audiobooks aren't as bad as you think? Or, well, at least their narrators aren't.

I DO NOT CONSENT TO HAVE MY WORK POSTED, TRANSLATED, OR PUBLISHED ON ANY SITES OTHER THAN HERE, ON WATTPAD, OR ON AO3 BY ME. IF YOU SEE MY WORKS ANYWHERE OTHER THAN HERE, ON WATTPAD, OR AO3, THEN THEY HAVE BEEN POSTED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND I WILL BE WORKING TO TAKE THEM DOWN.

Taglist:

@desert-fern @horseshoegirl @dakotakazansky @sarahsmi13s @teacupsandtopgun @footprintsinthesxnd @roosterforme @beyondthesefourwalls @mak-32 @thedroneranger @chaoticassidy @shanimallina87 @kmc1989

[homunculus-argument]

Once had a story idea where the whole point is that the protagonist sees himself as some sort of a tragic and romantic 18th century byronic hero, despite of pretty much everything except for the narration indicating otherwise. Like the whole style of the text is all over-dramatic high detail old-fashioned purple prose, in a stark, deliberately comical contrast to him just living in regular 21st century Finland. Nothing actually really happens to him to really justify seeing himself as some tortured and righteous hero.

One repeating theme in the book is references to Crime and Punishment, he sees himself as some sort of a Raskolnikov despite of having even less achievements in life, and he does, indeed, actually end up finding a girlfriend named Sonja. His Sonja, however, is not a doe-eyed and sweet childlike docile submissive tragic damsel, but an independent, tough and assertive trans woman who cut her family out of her life for not respecting her. He romanticises himself as seeing beauty in someone that nobody else does, which is quite deliberately gross, and it's clear that his ass would be out of her apartment so fucking fast if he ever verbalised this.

At some point in the story, she invites him to go to Pride with her. He declines, as a straight man he doesn't see what he would have to do with that sort of thing. And while she goes to pride without him, he goes to a bar to get drunk alone, gets into a fist fight, gets his ass beat, and wakes up in a drunk tank.

Filling out paperwork with a police officer - whom he remarks to somehow be the most stereotypical-looking ponytailed finnish female cop he has ever seen - he's asked to explain the incident in his own words. The protagonist explains the general details of why he ended up alone in the bar in the first place, and while there - already drunk and in Tragic Brooding Hero Mode - overheard some guy talking shit about the Pride march and LGBT people as a whole, and decided to turn around and go 'hey buddy fuck you, that's my manic pixie weed-smoking goth gf you're talking about', and the rest is already on record.

Unimpressed, the cop asks him was it really not an option to discuss this in any civil manner. Hung over and badly bruised, the protagonist simply shrugs and calmly says that he doesn't know how long she's been a cop, but she might come to eventually find out that drunk men do not generally opt for 'discussing things in a civil manner'.