#HASTA LA VISTA MOTHERFUCKER

[bpdohwhatajoy]

Mass deleting old pictures from traumatic times in your life>>>>>>>>

[qqueenofhades]

so what happens if/when mccarthy doesn't have enough votes to become speaker? i get that he's going to keep making concessions and kissing the feet of the magas but what does this mean for the caucus in general? and is the fact that he can't even get his own nomination to pass within his own party a good thing for democrats? i feel like there's at least a little bit of satisfaction (at least at the moment) for them getting to watch the clown show even though it means no one will ever get anything done

Honestly? I have no goddamn idea. They're batshit crazy, and no amount of concessions that Qevin can make will ever be enough for them as long as he doesn't go absolutely full out TRUMP IS GOD EMPEROR OF AMERICA AND SHOULD BE CARRIED BACK TO THE WHITE HOUSE IN A GOLDEN CHARIOT ASAP!! That's literally the only thing that would satisfy them, and at last count, 9 members of the Crazy Caucus are still pledging to vote against him tomorrow. McCarthy needs 218 votes total to win. There are 222 House Republicans. Subtract 9 from that, and the math don't look super duper hot for old Kevin. Sad!

So what happens next? Hell if I know. The crazies could stage a protest vote, introduce whatever Super Secret Candidate they're planning to spring on everyone (not out of the question that it is literally Trump), and waste everyone's time with that. Or they could decide their point is made and quietly vote for Qevin in the second round anyway. Or they could go full civil war and try to get some total loon like Biggs or Gosar elected, which is not going to work but what do they care, and attempt to wreck McCarthy once and for all. Either way, it's gonna be a deeply unedifying and deeply stupid spectacle, which is about par for the course. Your guess as to exactly what that looks like is as good as mine.

[rbr-seb]

I love seb so fucking much. He had us hanging on a thread for a second with the whole 'Hasta la Vista motherfuckers watch me disappear into the wilderness' but what he gave us was weekly content filled with homoerotic tension with his ex teammates.

Truly going above and beyond.

[squarehammersupremacy]

My favorite lines Cardi C says in the Hollywood Episode

"Buenos Noches Motherfucker"

"I see dead people."

"You're gonna get--you're gonna need a bigger yacht."

"Schwing"

"HUAH"

"Hasta La Vista Motherfucker"

"I ate his liver with a--fava beans and a nice chianti *sucking noises*."

"I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this plane."

The whole Star Wars segment

"AOHHHHHHHH"

[dave-the-tech-guy]

ur gonna open the door and a pigeon is gonna be staring at you

hasta la vista motherfucker

[homicideorflowercrowns]

You know what? Fuck everybody, and fuck superhero creators. I’m going to create a superhero thats shark-themed and is half black half Asian and has two loving supportive parents and isn’t super curvy because I am sick and tired of poc/mixed characters not getting much representation. I’m sick of those characters having broken homes, or being weak. I’m sick and tired of female superheroes having an hourglass figure or being petite. If nobody else will do it then goddamn it I will.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 328: Pandora’s Box of Discourse

Previously on BnHA: DEKU TOOK A BATH.

Today on BnHA: 

Also Naomasa grew a beard. Goddamn. 

please let this be a cool chapter that plays nice with my ADHD lol

(ETA: lol I feel guilty because a lot of people hated this chapter, but I’m just happy there was a lot of stuff to make fun of, and also that I have another week to work on my backlog of meta posts since the kids were MIA.)

around one month ago?? ah, okay, so we’re gonna find out what was in that Tartarus security file huh

I love that they just randomly set the place on fire

was it necessary to do this in order to escape? no. was it a good idea to set the island they were occupying on fire while they were in the midst of still occupying it? uh. was it cinematic as fuck? fuck yeah

wow it’s a pervert!!

that’s so great that the villains set loose this fine fellow who I’m sure is definitely not a serial rapist. truly the LoV is so noble and misunderstood. they’re just trying to free society from its chains people

oh my god??!

SHANKED!!! oh my god I cheered for Stain before I realized what I was doing. time to have an identity crisis I guess

so he’s all “hey what’s going on.” which, while a respectable question, is something I personally would have waited to ask until I had put a bit of distance between myself and the fiery murder island. but that’s just my personal preference

Stain you really are tenacious I’ll give you that

“what’s the point of escaping prison if you’re not gonna be smart about it” well shit. anyways yeah you’re dead right, society is in the process of collapsing and the outside world is in total chaos, good call there

oh shit

I mean it’s not like we really expecting anything otherwise, but still. fucking brutal. I feel like these guys’ fates were decided the minute that one guy called AFO “scum” back in chapter 94. AFO is unmatched at getting long-term revenge

??

ahh, was it the security footage??

fdsdfk he’s still alive??

and he’s immediately launching into an inappropriately theatrical monologue even as the darkness closes in on him fdlfksjdlk. you know, was it ever confirmed that the other guy back in chapter 297 was Seiji’s dad? I’m just saying

very impressed that he’s still coherent enough to weigh the pros and cons before making the decision to gamble on giving this info to Stain, who at the very least has his own moral code and isn’t allied with AFO. it was definitely still a risk, but as we now know it was also the right call

what a weird alliance. so Stain tells him that he’ll give it to a just person, and the guy is all,

okay for real though I’m gonna need someone to run a DNA test on this guy. maybe it was some kind of cuckold situation?? the other guy had the family resemblance, but this guy absolutely 100% raised Shishikura Seiji and you are not going to convince me otherwise

anyway, so Stain is all,

PRISON GUARD: “???? ??????? what the hell. what the fuck does that fucking mean. I’m dying here, jesus christ, whatever man fuck you”

(ETA: I kind of feel like this might have been Stain’s last appearance in the manga, given all the fanfare. there’s not really much else he can do for the story at this point, and he seems to have gotten all the character development Horikoshi was planning on giving him. so if this really is it, hasta la vista and good riddance I guess.)

DWLFDKSLDK MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE

(ETA: I feel like this is meant to be evocative of that Sermon on the Mount painting, but in a really fucked up way lol.)

if it were me stumbling upon this scene I would just shake my head and walk right back into the flaming building. not getting involved in that mess. sorry not sorry. I’ll take my chances with the fire, especially given that it’s half-assed neutered BnHA fire lol

blah blah blah and so he decided to pass the info on to All Might -- HOT DAMN, HOLY SHIT

NAOMASA HOLY SHIT. THE APOCALYPSE LOOKS GOOD ON YOU, BOY

“I really like that facial scruff thing Aizawa’s got going on, I think I’m gonna get in on that” yes sir. “also thinking of ditching the tie in favor of the bulletproof vest look. also thinking of getting totally fucking jacked.” good lord. except I’m pretty sure that’s just body armor, but also I don’t care. anyway I should probably stop staring and actually read the fucking speech bubbles here lol

“All Might first handed this information over to Nao, and then went to see Deku, and then came back to Nao” thanks for that tidy little summary Horikoshi. we are capable of piecing events together in sequential order, I just want you to know that. but thank you

“so has Deku finally gotten a bath? also, sucks that Stain saved the day, but what are you gonna do” Nao I missed you so fucking much and didn’t even realize. how am I just now realizing that you are the perfect man

for a second I was gonna ask why Tartarus’s security systems would be cut off from the outside world, and then I remembered that’s a basic security control, and then I actually got impressed by how sensible that is. like, it’s been a while since I could genuinely say that the good guys (excluding class 1-A) did something smart. not that it helped them much in the end, but still

anyway so they’re talking about how AFO was able to coordinate the attack by communicating between his horcrux self on the outside and his ugly peanut-faced self on the inside

huh

okay you have my attention. I am taking notes here lol please continue

ah okay so he says that prior to Jakku, the transfer of information between him and his Vestige self was only one-way. but post-Jakku when Deku was in the hospital, he was able to tell what was happening inside the OFA Radical Lisa Frank Dead People Book Club Realm when he touched him. I feel like we established that before, actually. but he didn’t talk about how it actually felt, though

boy we already know this lol. yes AFO can talk with his horcrux self. and he can also communicate with his little bro in OFA too, let’s talk about that sometime why don’t we. what exactly does that imply, based on the rules we’ve established here

my god I cannot get over Naomasa and his fucking facial hair

no wonder All Might was in such a hurry to leave Deku and get back here

like I have no idea what this radio waves nonsense is but my god, people

that jawline. also so it’s a quirk, I see. except last I checked Deku didn’t have a radio waves quirk, so that doesn’t really explain his connection to AFO. but whatever, hopefully we’re at least getting closer to some kind of reveal here

(ETA: since I sometimes forget that other people’s lives don’t revolve around my theory posts, here are the two relevant links if you by chance want to know my thoughts about this.

Hagakure is still The U.A. Traitor™ regardless of whether Deku is passing information on to AFO through his psychic link, which he almost certainly is.

speaking of said psychic link, Deku is a horcrux.

just posting these now, because whenever trippy OFA stuff happens I tend to get an influx of theory asks. so hopefully this will be a bit of a time saver lol.)

-- wait, what

THAT’S what the recording was??!? holy SHIT. I genuinely was not expecting that. y’all wiretapped his fucking telepathy. fucking quirks, man. wild

AND THEY USED THAT POWER TO DETERMINE WHAT WE ALREADY KNEW, HUZZAH. GOOD SHOW

-- oh shit wait lol, except I forgot we’re not talking about 38 days from the present, we’re talking about 38 days from the date the conversation was recorded. heh. um

yeah that’s the face I would make too if All Fucking Might just casually told me we had eight days left until the end times

oh, pardon me. three fucking days

r.i.p. anyone who thought we were going to have another band arc sob. I sure hope Deku is enjoying that nap

(ETA: I realize people were hoping for a longer rest period here, but given that the man warned us all the way back in chapter 306 that we were entering the final act, you can’t really blame him too much when that turns out to be true. anyway but I do recognize that we’ve reached the point in the story where this kind of discourse is going to become a weekly occurrence, simply because there’s no possible way for Horikoshi’s actual endgame to line up perfectly with the variable headcanons of millions of fans, all of whom have wildly differing and in many cases contradictory expectations which can’t possibly all be fulfilled. anyway, so I’m already bracing myself for that lol. this coming year is going to be a wild ride.)

damn, U.A. out here looking like the motherfucking United Nations

-- is this U.A.?? I actually just realized, U.A. is four interconnected buildings, not two. wait holy shit is this Shiketsu?

wait holy SHIT

based on the overwhelmingly powerful vibes of bureaucratic incompetence, I’m thinking this really is the (future) U.N., or whatever organization it is that deals with international hero stuff

“just let them handle it themselves I’m sure they’ll be fine” yeah okay, thanks guys. appreciate it

wait oh shit did he say that it’s not just Japan?

soooo, what you’re telling me is that AFO is this close to bringing about the end of not just Japan, but the entire world, and you guys don’t think it’s a good idea to help the Japanese heroes stop him? so, genuine follow-up question: are you guys already planning your rich people exodus into space a la Wall-E, and that’s why you don’t give a fuck?? like, what??

omg international heroes

these guys are from World Hoodie Mission, right? is this Horikoshi’s way of reminding me to buy tickets

(ETA: and it worked too lol.)

WHO??? WHAT???

don’t tell me you’re introducing yet another badass new female character for me to fall in love with only to watch as you dismember them and/or blow them up, Horikoshi. I’m getting tired of playing this game my dude. don’t lie and tell me this time will be different. we’re not doing this again goddammit

noooooooooooooooooooo

god fucking dammit lmao. [sighs and rips the previous paragraph into shreds]

on behalf of Americans I apologize for our superheroes always being Like This

I also apologize because I love her already and I’m gonna be shameless about it. so fucking shameless you guys

is her fucking hair red white and blue. it is, isn’t it

this is the volume cliffhanger, 100% lol. it will take every ounce of Horikoshi’s willpower not to put her on the volume cover. he’ll have to settle for the spine or the inner cover this time because Deku VS his class 1-a superpals takes precedence. but it will be a close thing let me tell you

tbh it’s that smile that does it for me. she’s definitely All Might’s protege. get out there and show them how it’s done girl. and maybe call Salaam and BRD and see if you can’t convince them to play hooky from their governments as well. why not. world’s ending in three days you guys. “sorry, I’m busy this weekend” ain’t gonna cut it lol

so while I am not fully caught up with Vigilantes, I have read far enough to know that there’s an American hero named Captain Celebrity whose superpower from what I recall is being a humongous douchebag. and while I haven’t read far enough to know what happens to this guy, I can’t say I’m very disappointed to learn that he’s no longer the number one hero in the U.S. (actually, didn’t they kick him out and that’s why he moved to Japan to begin with?). anyway, so my thanks to Horikoshi for having a marginally higher opinion of Americans than Furuhashi, even though we have definitely not done anything to warrant said opinion lately, and you may have inadvertently opened the door to a pandora’s box of discourse lmao

(ETA: lol I went into the tags and they don’t disappoint. “why is she dressed like a flag” because she’s an homage to Captain America and Major Victory and literally every other character on this list. again, I apologize for fictional American superheroes being Like This. “oh boy another thicc waifu to make the fanboys happy” look, tumblr fandom never seems to have a problem thirsting over Dabi or Tomura or Aizawa or Nao, lol, I’m just saying. “where is Captain Celebrity” idk, probably murdered by the exploding bee cartel, let’s just be grateful for our good fortune and try not to Beetlejuice the man.)

anyway, so let’s see if Horikoshi’s recent character development with regards to making Mineta not terrible anymore will apply to other aspects of his writing as well. I know I was making light of discourse just now, but I do think the complaints about him introducing yet another new character at the 11th hour to be cannon fodder in the final battle are absolutely valid. and again, it wouldn’t be a problem if he didn’t keep maiming/killing off his female characters one by one instead of developing them and letting them kick ass long-term. but that said, I will never complain about Horikoshi adding another female character to the series, regardless of how clumsy the attempt may be. go ahead and pander away, just give us more girl power lol

anyway so we’ll see how it goes, but I think I’m gonna be optimistic and let myself hope once again, even though I’m probably gonna regret it lol. it is what it is. she is standing on an airplane just chilling for fuck’s sake. I’m only human. anyway fingers crossed

[lonely-lost-soul]

Under The Floorboards (Pt. VIII)

(Technoblade x Reader) First Part: Pt. 1 Latest: Pt.VX

(Feel free to play this while listening to this chapter! Full credit to @Alexx-Kun on Wattpad for suggesting this gorgeous song)

https://youtu.be/kCV4JUqGr64

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day 1: Forgiveness

Step one you needed to find a venue, you had assigned Ranboo as your honorary maid of honor. The young boy was just as thrilled as he was confused, did you not have any other friends? You were Technoblade’s perfect match if that was the case. Ranboo had no problem voicing that to you and you pouted at him, you argued that everyone who lived with Techno was antisocial. He reluctantly agreed and you smiled proudly, he rolled his eyes and shoved your shoulder with his hand. You laughed, glad you were sitting down, or else you would’ve for sure fallen. Technoblade and you had decided to split the jobs for the wedding between the both of you. You were in charge of the invitations and flowers, basically anything to do with decorating and interacting with other humans. Technoblade meanwhile was in charge of the venue and the official rings, it’s not that you didn’t trust him with more duties it was more that he didn’t trust himself. That and he also believed that you both could just get married in the woods. You at least wanted a small wedding with a few people you cared about, you rubbed your pointer finger and thumb together with a frown.

    “You alright?”

     “Just thinking about the invitations. Who will come...stuff like that.” Ranboo glanced over at the minuscule stack of letters by the table, it was clearly small, but Ranboo hand wrote them for you in swirl print. They better show up, Ranboo would be pissed if they didn’t, he put a lot of work into those invites.

    “They’ll come.” He nodded his head picking them up with his claws, one was for Tommy, another was for Ghostbur, and Ranboo also suggested an invite for Captain Puffy he figured the both of you would get along considering you both had a habit for adopting misfits. You also needed a female friend. “We can deliver them and search for flowers, then tomorrow we can search for a dress for you that sounds okay right?”

    “For someone with such a bad memory, you’re surprisingly good at planning,” You watched the boy preen at your compliment.

     “Thank you, I also figured we can use the stasis chamber so you only have to walk one way with your ankle.”

     “Smart boy.”

    “Why thank you,” Ranboo smiled proudly over at you reaching out his hand for you to take. You grabbed it and he pulled you to his feet, he kept his hand interlocked with yours, it was minuscule in comparison to the half enderman’s. “Ready?”

     “Ready.”

Slowly but surely the two of you made your way over to the nether portal and into the once-great country. Ranboo placed his hand on your lower back and helped guide you through the rubble of the city. He knew much better than you did where everyone resided, even if you didn’t meet them face to face you’d make a chest and drop it off. Ironically the first person you ran into was the woman Ranboo insisted you meet, Captain Puffy. She’s gorgeous, was your first thought, she was some form of a sheep hybrid dressed like a pirate, two of your favorite things, sorry Technoblade you might’ve met your new wife. You talked with her well into the afternoon, she was just so easy to talk to,

    “Can I just say I feel like I’ve known you forever,” She gushed, taking your hands within her own and squeezing fondly. “I’m so happy Ranboo has found someone to watch out for him,” Ranboo flushed in response but didn’t argue against Puffy’s words which warmed your heart.

     “I’m happy too. I just want to help these kids in whatever way I can,” You smiled a little forlornly thinking once again of the obnoxious blonde. “They just don’t deserve all the shit they have to deal with, they’re kids you know? They should be living their lives.”

    “Yeah keep talking like I’m not here,” Ranboo mused over your shoulder which caused you to laugh with a shake of your head, “no need to stop please continue.” Puffy smiled at the both of you,

     “She’s right though Ranboo. You should be out causing mischief or getting into trouble, not fighting in a never-ending war.”

    “Oof getting into trouble? No thank you, I just wanna tend to my pets and go on adventures with my friends.”

     “You’ll get to do that I promise. Once my ankles healed we’ll go woodland mansion hunting, I’ve been to a few in my time. They’re a lot of fun.”

     “Really?”

     “Yeah of course!” You beamed and Ranboo smiled right back at you, he brought his journal out of his bag and quickly scribbled something down in it. In the end, Puffy ended up accepting the invitation with a blinding smile,

     “You’re going to be a gorgeous bride. Could I bring my girlfriend Niki? You’ll love her!”

     “I don’t see why not. I can’t wait to meet her!” You assumed Technoblade wouldn’t mind one more person, especially because he’s never mentioned Niki which was a good thing in your eyes. Usually, if Technoblade talked about you, it was because he wasn’t a fan. You all said your goodbyes, you felt warm inside you couldn’t believe you were about to have TWO friends who are girls.

     “Soooooo?”

     “I love her.”

     “Told you so,” Ranboo smirked. He was proud of himself for forcing someone else to socialize so he didn’t have to. Ranboo was relieved that list of people to invite wasn’t long; considering Technoblade had more enemies than friends. The only thing that rubbed him the wrong way was he didn’t even know that you had invited Tommy in the first place.

So if Tommy did show up, your wedding might be a bloodbath.

You and Ranboo stood outside of Tommy’s house, he glanced down at you and watched your hands clench the envelope. He brought his hands over yours and rubbed them gently, you looked up at him with wide eyes.

     “Deep breath and relax okay? He’s Tommy so I won’t say he won’t flip out at you, but I can say you’re a wonderful friend, you’ll be fine.”

     “I can’t believe Mr. Panic Room is telling me to relax.” You let out a nervous laugh, he made an offended face.

     “Ya know what, never helping you again. You can walk home.”

     “Ranboo it was a joke!”

     “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” you stuck your tongue out and headed up to Tommy’s door and knocked. You already knew Tommy might not even be home, the boy was a wanderer by nature. Yet, much to your surprise, the door opened with a loud BANG, and in the doorway stood Tommy looking better than you’ve seen him in all the time he spent with you and Technoblade.

     “Hi, Tommy.”

     “(Y/N)?” He blinked looking surprised before he steeled his face, “What’re you doing here wench!” Tommy pointed an accusatory finger at you and you raised an eyebrow,

Wench?

That wasn’t going to fly.

    “Try again.”

Tommy sputtered as you narrowed his eyes accusingly, his eyes trailed down to the netherite sword at your side. His entire demeanor changed when he spotted it at your side,

     “(Y/N)! My friend! Good to see you! How’ve you been? Good? Good!” The boy rambled wrapping an arm around your shoulder with a big smile, there’s the Tommy you remembered. “I’m sure you’re doing good fo’ sho’! Now what do, I owe this pleasure women!”

    “I wanted to invite you to Technoblade and I’s wedding,” Your voice was soft and hesitant, holding out the invitation out to him. The teenager blinked a few times before taking it from your hands, he flipped it over confusion was etched deep on his brow.

    “You’re getting married? To Technoblade? He’s going to have a wife and I’m not?”

You blinked a few times trying to process what Tommy said, was he more mad at the fact that Technoblade was getting married in the first place? “Well yeah, considering I’m his fiance and all…”

    “That motherfucker! He gets to have a wife! I want a wife! (Y/N) acquire me a wife!”

You let out howling laughter at his response, tossing your arms around the boy, he went silent and a confused look came across his face. His ears turned red as he looked over at Ranboo with a face that screamed help me, Ranboo simply looked away holding up a prominent middle finger at the boy. “Okay, okay! Enough hugs,” Tommy ranted shoving you away from him with a huff, “I don’t know what’s so funny about me needing a wife.”

    “You’ll find a wife eventually,” You couldn’t help but smile as he frowned down at you. “So? Can you make it?” Voice quiet as you looked up at him, the nervousness from before creeping back into your body, he chewed on his bottom lip while looking at you. Tommy wasn’t about to be soft while Ranboo was standing less than a foot away so he did the next best thing which was whacking you on top of the head.

    “I-well-...” Tommy rubbed the back of his neck looking nervous for the first time in his life, “I can’t.” He saw your face fall and he grabbed your shoulders tightly, “Not because I don’t want to! I… I guess you’re not TERRIBLE.” He admitted begrudgingly, “Tubbo and I...we have some unfinished business we need to deal with before things get any worse for people.”

     “I don’t know what you mean Tommy.” You suddenly grew very concerned, “You don’t have to hold the entire world on your shoulders.”

     “Yeah, I do,” Tommy responded with enough seriousness to shake you to your core, you didn’t know about his past with the discs fully, but you knew enough to know this situation was about that. “Just know I’m happy for you, seriously I am,” He gave you a sad smile.

    “Stay safe Tommy. Please don’t be stupid.”

     “I’m never stupid you BITCH!”

     “Call me a bitch again you BRAT!”

     “MAKE ME!”

You frowned, hitting him in the side so he would double over, while he gripped his stomach you pulled him into a headlock and began digging your knuckles into his skull. “Apologize!”

     “NEVER!”

Ranboo looked sheepish as he stared at the scene, his shoulders slumping forward. “(Y/N) we have a schedule-” Reluctantly you released Tommy and he stumbled back, he huffed dusting off his shirt. You smiled slightly over at the boy,

     “See you soon raccoon boy,” you gave him a proud salute.

     “Hasta La Vista Miss Blade,” Tommy responded, saluting you right back.

You turned away from the boy and headed back over to Ranboo’s side, “You ready?” You nodded in response with a little smile on your lips. “Good. Next, up is Ghostbur right? We need to find him.”

     “If we can locate Friend we can locate him.”

It took a while, but eventually, you and Ranboo found Ghostbur and Friend wandering around a forest nearby the crater. Immediately spotting you a bright smile spread across the ghost’s face, “(Y/N)!” He shouted, throwing his hand in the air with a wave, “How’re you doing darling!”

    “I’m good Ghostbur! Have you met Ranboo?”

     “Briefly. Nice to see you again!”

     “Ugh, ditto,” Ranboo responded with a shy smile shuffling a little behind you.

You smiled and pulled an envelope out from your bag, you held it out to him.

     “You and Friend good sir, are invited to Technoblade and I’s wedding.” He gasped loudly, eyes lighting up with pure and utter joy,

     “Technoblade getting married! Oh my god, that’s phenomenal! You’re going to make the most beautiful bride,” he praised excitedly as your face turned red at the compliments, “Gosh, you two are so lovely together, I wouldn’t miss this for the world! Do you have a dress? You have to show me!”

You rubbed the back of your head, rocking on your heels, “Well...about that.”

     “Do not tell me you don’t have a DRESS?” He practically yelled crossing his arms, “I’m disappointed in you!”

      “It’s in two days Ghostbur! I had no time! I’ll make do with something. I’m sure I have an old dress somewhere-”

     “UNACCEPTABLE!” He grabbed at your hands, “I’m getting you a dress. I’ll meet you at Technoblade’s tomorrow, just hold on!” Ghostbur ran his hand through Friend’s wool with a smile, “You’re going to be one of the most gorgeous brides, only second to Sally.”

     “Well I’m honored, I’ll see you then.” You smiled adoringly at the little ghost as he floated off his sheep buddy by his side.

    “Do you think he’s getting you a dress?”

     “I have no idea,” You responded with a shrug, “It’s sweet he’s willing to put in the effort though.”

      “Or creepy.”

     “It’s sweet you jerk,” You nudged him with your arm Ranboo smiled,

    “I’m just glad it’s off our to-do list for tomorrow.”

     “True that means you can sleep in,” You teased as his multicolored eyes lit up,

    “Hell yeah.”

~~~

Day 2: Ghostbur’s Gift

You woke up to sleepy kisses and tender touches, one of the loveliest ways to wake up if you might add.

    “Morning big guy,” You cooed fondly as he made a soft purr-like sound in his throat. You turned over to face him and he immediately pressed a kiss to your lips. The voices couldn’t help but point out how cute you looked in the morning.

    “Helloooo...How’s your ankle?” He asked his thumb brushing against your cheek, closing your eyes you let out a soft,

    “Much better.”

    “Good, I heard from Ranboo Ghostbur’s supposedly stopping by today. Any particular reason?”

     “He says he has a dress I can wear for tomorrow.”

    “How does he have a dress exactly?”

    “No idea, but I’m going with it.”

     “If you’re sure. Just don’t look bad.” You frowned and bonked him on the side of his head, “it was a joke!”

     “It better be a joke or I’m leaving your ass. I look good in everything so fuck off.” You hissed as Technoblade groaned,

     “Heard you loud and clear Princess. Scouts honor, you’re the most beautiful girl to me you know that.”

    “I do. Just don’t joke around like that, makes me feel bad okay?”

He frowned a little and moved to hover over you, his hair framed his face and fell past his shoulders. It tickled your cheeks and you ran your hands through it meeting anything but his eyes suddenly feeling very self-conscious. Technoblade kissed the tip of your nose,

     “Hey, Princess look at me.”

Turning your head towards his voice, the two of you locked eyes, a sense of calm washed over you, the only thing in his eyes was pure, unadulterated love.

     “You’re the most beautiful girl in the world to me. No matter what I’m always going to think that you are, you could grow a third eye and I’d still want to marry you tomorrow. I’m sorry I made you feel bad, it was a joke but I won’t make it again. I swear.” You felt your eyes water as you tossed your arms around his neck, the sudden movement caused him to fall forward crushing you beneath him.

    “I love you too bubba. Thank you for listening to me.”

     “That’s part of my job idiot.”

You smiled against his neck and held him tighter, Technoblade reciprocated the hug and decided the both of you could stay in bed just a little while longer. The two of you shared soft kisses, every once in a while Technoblade would reinforce how precious you were to him, eventually, it all got to be too much and you shoved your hands in his face.

     “Enough is enough! I’m embarrassed now.” Technoblade laughed at your flustered expression and pressed a fond kiss to your lips, obviously you kissed him back, your fingers threading through his hair.

      “Princess…” He let out a pleased sound in the back of his throat, “you’re making it hard to get out of bed. I still have some stuff set up for tomorrow and you gotta look out for Wilbur.”

     “Or hear me out. You can stay in bed with me all day, and keep giving me kisses,” You pressed your lips to his own before whispering in his ear, “Anywhere you’d like.” You nipped teasingly at his earlobe and suddenly felt the heat radiating off his face. As you expected his face was a deep red color and you felt his head fall against your shoulder,

    “You’re going to kill me.” You only laughed in response, finally pulling away from him you swung your feet over the side of the bed, “you can’t just say that and walk away.” He whined loudly with a little pout on his lips, “Especially since I won’t see you until the wedding.”

     “Suck it up buttercup,” You stuck your tongue out at the man “I’ll just be at Ranboo’s if something goes wrong I’ll be within reach.” He reached his hand up and threaded his fingers through your hair, you sighed pleasantly at the physical touch, “I love you.”

      “Love you too, see you tomorrow.” You gave him one last fleeting kiss before standing up leaving the warmth of the covers and your half-naked fiance behind much to your dismay. You tossed one of Technoblade’s old shirts over your head, it came down past your knees and Technoblade let out a happy sigh from behind you. You let out a little laugh, looking at him over your shoulder his eyes were half-lidded as he stared at your now bare legs. “Hold on don’t change just yet I wanna stare a little bit longer.”

     “Perv.” You snickered ignoring his wishes and sliding on a pair of pants, afterward, you tied a corset around your waist. He responded with a ‘heh?’ of disagreement before he groaned loudly and flopped over in the bed, “see you soon Bubbas.” You leaned over and pecked his forehead before sliding down the ladder and out of the house. Ironically your timing was perfect as you greeted Ranboo right outside Technoblades cabin, “Good morning!”

     “Morning, you and Techno sleep okay?” You nodded with a bright smile, “Good Wilbur should be stopping by any minute now by the way. He sent me a note earlier this morning that said he’d be around this time.”

     “Works for me, wanna wait by your house?”

     “You just wanna pet my bunny,” You smirked and laughed,

     “Can you blame me?”

     “I suppose not. Whatever makes you happy.” Ranboo sighed but there wasn’t any real defeat in his tone, “Let’s go.” Ranboo and you walked a little ways away to his humble little shack so you could play with Ranbun. You were set up in Ranbun’s pen holding him in your arms and cooing softly at him, Ranboo joined you after a few moments of jealous staring. The two of you spent the next hour playing with his bunny and feeding him lots of treats, he was one happy bunny. Ranboo was the first person to see Ghostbur coming through the trees, a large box in hand, had he actually managed to get you a dress?

     “(Y/N)! Ranboo!” Ghostbur shouted excitedly floating over to the both of you, “I managed to find the dress I promised you! So long as it fits of course.” Your jaw fell open as you stumbled out of Ranbun’s pen,

     “How the hell did you manage to find me a wedding dress?”

     “Oh! It was Sally’s.” A fond smile spread across the ghost’s face, both you and Ranboo looked at one another brows furrowed. Ranboo put a hand to the side of his face and whispered loudly to you,

     “I thought Sally was a fish.”

You whispered back in the exact same manner,

    “Me too, but at this point, I’m too afraid to ask for clarification.”

Ranboo nodded seriously and stood back up to his full height, you stepped forward and took the box from the hands of the ghost he stared at it longingly like he was afraid to let it go. You chewed on the inside of your cheek for a moment before speaking up,

     “Are you sure?” Your voice was barely above a whisper but it was still as tender as ever, the ghost of Wilbur snapped his eyes up to meet yours. He seemed to be reading the expression in your eyes before smiling almost fondly, handing the box over to you officially. He pulled out a small patch of blue and fumbled it around in his hands, like a nervous tic,

    “I’m positive love. I trust you to take good care of it and Sally would want you to have it, she was wonderful like that. Just please take good care of it.”

    “I’ll protect it with my life. I promise you.”

     “I know you will, you’re going to be a beautiful bride, my dear.” He somehow took your hands and pressed a faint kiss to them, “Go on then try it on.” Your eyes sparkled in delight and he turned to Ranboo,

     “Well go on, we’ll still be here to judge you immensely.”

    “Oh fuck off.” You laughed heading into his shack to change, you managed to find an area not completely out in the open. The only nerve-wracking thing was you didn’t have a mirror so you had to pray you looked alright and that Raboo and Ghostbur wouldn’t lie to you. You opened the box and pulled the dress out, Sally really knew how to pick a damn good dress; the dress was stunning, you definitely wouldn’t do it justice. The dress fell past your feet and pooled a little ways behind you, it was more of an off-white creme color, and was made of soft lace. It was sleeveless so the winter wind gave you a chill, you hoped Technoblade picked a place that wasn’t freezing cold. You took a breath to hype yourself up and stepped out of the shack, the dress trailing behind you, you had left the veil in the box figuring you didn’t need it right now. The first person to spot you was Ghostbur, who gasped loudly bringing his hands up to his face after spotting you. You shrunk in on yourself a little bit and your cheeks turned a light pink in response, “That’s a good expression I hope.” You meekly laughed as Ranboo turned around and let out a shaky break of surprise. He reached forward with his claws to touch the soft fabric,

     “It’s perfect! Fits like a glove.” Wilbur hummed happily floating around you, “I was right by the way, you look beautiful. Techno’s going to pass out.”

    “Shut up I can’t look that good.”

    “You do though!” Ranboo shouted excitedly, “It suits you perfectly not that I had any doubts or anything.” He jumped a little on the balls of his feet, he pulled out his memory book quickly scribbling something down inside it, as he did so he muttered “I’m the best honorary maid of honor ever.”

     “You definitely are.” You praised the halfling who only seemed to grow more excited at the praise, Ghostbur cleared his throat, was he looking for a compliment too? “Ghostbur you’re a lifesaver, if it wasn’t for you I’d be walking down the aisle in Netherite. Thank you.” Ghostbur seemed to preen a little as he smiled proudly,

    “I know. I’m pretty great aren’t I? I basically saved the day.”

    “You certainly are.”

    “Oh! Just return the dress the next time I see you after the wedding okay?”

     “I will have no fear, it’s in safe hands.” The ghost nodded, “I can’t wait to see it in action tomorrow.”

     “Me too,” you sighed lovingly, doing a little twirl in the dress you could only imagine the look that would appear on Technoblade’s face when he saw you.

You hoped the voices would approve because Technoblade was absolutely going to short circuit and go feral, you could hardly wait.

Day 3: The Wedding Day

The night before the wedding Technoblade couldn’t sleep his body was buzzing with nerves, which was a foreign feeling to him. He was worried about you not sleeping by his side, this was the first time since you’ve officially gotten together that you weren’t there. He didn’t realize how much he missed your presence and warmth, he pulled the pillow you usually used close to his chest. He felt like a love-struck teenager cuddling the pillow of his missing girlfriend because that’s basically what he was, except instead of a girlfriend it was his fiance. The voices didn’t help his longing either; they were roaring in his head asking where you were and when you would come back.

Where’s (Y/N)? I miss her! Can Ranboo protect her if something goes wrong? What if Dream gets ahold of her in the meantime and you’re up here sleeping? I wanna squeeze her thighs again right now. E. That’s disgusting, stop, don’t sexualize her like that. B U T T. Can I get a big pog for butts? Thighs for the thigh god.

His entire face went a deep scarlet, “What does that even mean guys.” Technoblade let out a loud groan of embarrassment, some of the voices laughed, some others rumbled with anger. “I just want her by my side is all, I miss her. I miss her touch...I don’t know when I became such a sap. I hate that I care about her this much, but god without her I’d be lost.”

SIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMPSIMP

     “You shits.”

The morning rolled around and Technoblade woke up as soon as the sun shone through the windows. He fell asleep around three in the morning, tired as shit, bees buzzing around in his stomach.

Today’s the day! Gotta get ready as soon as possible, you’re gonna look so handsome! I bet (Y/N)’s gonna be equally as beautiful! Don’t fuck it up. Celebratory murder spree pog? She’ll think you’re so hot covered in blood. No! E. Normalcy is key!

He shook his head to get rid of the nagging voices rattling around in his head, he knew what he had to do, and listening to the voices wasn’t one of them. Phil was going to come soon and Technoblade had to look presentable so they could head to the venue and Phil could set up some last-minute decorations. Techno would say he felt bad making Phil do most of the work, but he honestly didn’t, especially since he was so inept at romance in the first place. Never one to wear a suit Technoblade decided his best outfit would be his arctic retirement one, a suit would be too constricting. After all, what if it was attacked and he needed to jump into action, Phil had told him that he was absolutely not allowed to bring weapons which he was not happy about at all. Although the man did reassure him that he would be armed and have an extra weapon just in case something was to occur, he guessed that was FINE. With a soft huff, the man stood up from his bed and pulled out his outfit, the soft blue made him yearn for the days before they found Tommy living under the house. In a way wearing this symbolized a time in their relationship before he was forced into bloodshed once again, plus he knew you loved the fuzzier outfit.

Putting on everything, he brought the fur cape around his shoulders, his crown glittering on his head in the light. He looked regal, he would say he looked like a king but he hated all forms of government so he just looked like his usual badass self. In his closet sat his wedding gift to you, it was a gold tiara that matched his crown in his own way finally solidifying the both of you as a blood god duo.

Turning away from the tiara he grabbed a hairbrush to tame his wild hair, he wanted to do something different with it. It spilled around his back and down to his waist, he managed to tame the frizz with some product that he ‘borrowed’ from you. In the end, he had two small braids framing his face, he grabbed both of them and pinned them together on the back of his head. A half-up half-down look almost made him look like a Viking, he liked it. Technoblade placed gold earrings along with his ears and added some gold accents on his wrists and fingers, none overshading his engagement ring.

His ears twitched hearing the door open downstairs, Phil was here, it was time.

     “Hellooo!” Technoblade called from upstairs and Phil responded with a cheerful,

    “Hey mate!”

As Technoblade descended the ladder, Phil smiled fondly at his old friend, he immediately adjusted the cape on his shoulders. Technoblade huffed a small laugh, “Was that really necessary?”

     “Obviously. I’m the married one, I know what I’m doing.” He shot back snickering, “You ready to go?”

     “As I’ll ever be I suppose.”

    “I’m proud of you man,” Phil responded with a fatherly smile “You’re never going to forget today. It’ll be the best of your life.”

    “Ehhhh I don’t know about that. Spawning those Withers and blowing up a country really gave me a rush.”

     “Oh fuck off,” Phil howled with laughter while shoving the snickering piglin. “This’ll be an entirely new feeling, I would know.” His wings puffed out happily remembering his marriage fondly,

     “Didn’t you marry a fridge?”

    “You’re literally the worst.”

Technoblade smirked just happy he steered the conversation away from any of that mushy crap. He was going to get enough of that as it is in a few hours, oh look at that the bees are back. Phil gave him a pat on the back and the two of them left the house side by side. The spot Technoblade picked out for the wedding was one both of you would like, a snowy taiga, it was warm enough that you wouldn’t freeze to death but still had the beautiful powdery snow that Tecnhoblade loved. Phil had done an amazing job of setting everything up, on the arch, there were beautiful blue flowers interspersed with white roses (both of which you picked out prior), they stood out beautifully against the wooden trellises. There was a carved stone pathway leading the way up to the arch and a few wooden benches decorated with light blue silk so whomever (Y/N) invited could sit down. He knew most of them would only be there for her, he was okay with that, all he needed was Phil and Ranboo and he was content. Next to each booth was a stone pillar, on top of them sat a bouquet of white and blue roses.

     “You really outdid yourself, thank you.” Technoblade whistled,

     “You know I’d do anything for you mate. Glad I could provide, I do have one last little decoration though.” Phil mused reaching into his bag he pulled out a small gold bell similar to the one he had inside his house. He placed the bell above the arch so it would chime softly when the wind blew against its side. Technoblade smiled fondly at the sight and wrapped his arm around Phil’s shoulder.

     “I love it. (Y/N)’s gonna love it too.”

     “Thanks, man.” Phil said softly bumping against the blade, “Do you know who’s going to show up by the way?”

    “Absolutely no idea.”

     “Guess we’re gonna find out, look.” Technoblade stepped away from Phil and looked in the direction of his friend, cresting over the hill seemed to be two girls, Technoblade was immediately confused because he didn’t realize you had friends who were women. Phil let out a small laugh, “Oh it’s Niki and Puffy, Ranboo must’ve introduced (Y/N) to them.” Technoblade only nodded his lips twitching into a frown, new people...gross.

     “Hi, Phil! Technoblade!” Puffy chirped brightly, her hand intertwined with Niki’s tightly, “Congratulations to you Mr.” She lightly tapped Technoblade in the chest he blinked in surprise,

     “Thank you?”

     “I may have just met (Y/N), but just know if you do ANYTHING to hurt her at all I will slaughter you.”

     “Darling please…” Niki sheepishly smiled, “you realize you’re threatening Technoblade right? Not the best idea.”

    “It’s alright. I admire your gumption,” Technoblade gave the both of them a thumbs up in response, “I’m glad (Y/N) has someone else like that looking out for her. But, just so you know. The same to you.” He eyed the both of them with a sharp look in his eyes, Puffy let out a nervous laugh and Niki narrowed her eyes warily.

     “That’s fair.”

     “Anyway!” Phil cleared his throat, “let's not ruin this before it even starts.” He led the two girls over to their seats with a small smile, “(Y/N) will be super happy to see you both by the way. Thank you for coming.”

      “Of course, (Y/N) and I are soulmates after all.” Puffy swooned happily as Niki giggled fondly at her antics, “Technoblade better watch out. Niki and I will steal her heart.”

    “I’ll be sure to warn him,” He snickered, glancing over at his friend who was sniffing at the flowers in the pots. “If you need anything don’t hesitate to ask, Wilbur should be here soon then (Y/N) and Ranboo will come and it’ll start.”

    “Sounds good,” Niki hummed playing with the sleeves of her blue dress “I’m super excited to meet her.”

While Puffy reassured her that she would, Phil noticed his son floating over to the area. “Hello, Phil!” The ghost’s eyes lit up seeing all of them, “Oh wow everything is so beautiful!”

    “Thanks, Ghostbur.” Technoblade hummed walking over to Phil and the ghost,

     “I’m proud of you too Mr. Engaged!” He snickered as Technoblade’s nose scrunched up in distaste, “Who knew the big, scary Technoblade would settle down with a wife, maybe start a family eventually.”

     “I’m going to pretend that I didn’t hear any of the cringy nonsense that just came out of your mouth; so I can enjoy today in peace.”

    "Boo! I’m just happy for you!” Ghostbur huffed in annoyance, “I was telling (Y/N) yesterday that marrying Sally was the best day of my life! I’m so making fun of you when you get all mushy.”

     “IF I get all mushy, which I won’t.”

    “Sure you won’t man,” Technoblade glared at his friends in frustration if this teasing was going to continue. He was kidnapping (Y/N) himself and getting married to her elsewhere.

     “I do love all the blue though!” The ghost of Wilbur swooned happily at all the flowers, “This just makes the entire day even better!-”

However he didn’t get to continue as Ranboo cleared his throat rather loudly, the enderboy looked dapper as always, a rose was pinned on his lapel, obviously from (Y/N).

     "Ready Techno?” Phil looked over at him, the pigman’s frustration and confidence fell from his face all at once. Even Ghostbur was shocked at the way Technoblade tensed up and fumbled with the soft fluff on his cape, “Techno?”

It’s time. Holy fuck! She’s going to be stunning, he’s going to be a husband! HE’S GOING TO BE A HUSBAND? Oh fuck.

     “Techno mate you alright?”

     "Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. Let's do this.” Technoblade took a deep breath walking over to the altar with Phil, Phil was obviously officiating the wedding. He didn’t want anyone else doing it, Ranboo smiled at the two of them as he walked down the aisle throwing little flower petals everywhere before standing on (Y/N)’s side of the altar. He gave him a happy little nod, Technoblade nodded back at him in a sign that he was happy to see him. Music began to flow through the air, Technoblade just knew Wilbur had managed to bring a jukebox, but he didn’t mind it was fitting.

He turned towards the rich sound and for once in his life the voices...stopped.

Technoblade could hear the music perfectly, he heard the chiming of the bell every time the wind blew, everything seemed clear and for all the sounds that were playing around him without the rancorous voices, it all seemed deadly quiet.

The true reason the voices stopped though was because he saw you.

Elegant. Magnificent. Royalty.

The words spun around in his head, because god you looked angelic as you walked towards him. He wished your face wasn’t obscured by a veil, he wanted to see you, to cup your cheeks and pull you into a desperate kiss. He wasn’t worthy to marry you, he was barely worthy to breathe the same air as someone so pure. Technoblade bit down on his tongue rather harshly, for once in his life he wished the voices would speak up so he wouldn’t feel so small in his head.

     “Hi.”

Your silvery voice snapped him out of his thoughts, he drew in a shaky breath and looked at you.

     “Hi,” His voice cracked a little and he flushed all the way up to the tips of his ears. He reached out to squeeze your hands tightly, he felt you squeeze back and he knew that everything was okay. Fuck, he was tearing up a little and he hasn’t even seen your face yet, fuck...Ghostbur was right. He was a mushy gross mess, you giggled a little at his flustered expression.

     “You look handsome,” You whispered softly tilting your head to the side.

     “You’re Aphrodite herself.”

    “Take it back. Take it back right now.” The teasing tone your voice took made him relax considerably, you were still you. His lovely almost wife who’d he got to spend the rest of his life with, it was perfect, you were perfect.

    “You know I do, even if it kills me to retract the statement.” His hand reached forward and gently pushed the veil back over your head.

Fuck.

It took all his strength not to kiss you senseless. Phil cleared his throat and smiled at the small crowd of people who came to the wedding, Puffy seemed to already be emotional, Niki rubbing her back with gentle circles. The both of you barely paid any attention to the introductions and the little details too engrossed in one another to truly listen to anyone that wasn’t each other. They both snapped to attention when Phil spoke their names with a tender smile and their wedding rings were in his hands.

     “Your wedding rings are the outward and visible sign of the inward and invisible bond which already unites you two hearts in love. Groom, place the ring on Bride’s finger and repeat after me….I give you this ring…”

     “I give you this ring.” Technoblade swallowed thickly listening carefully to Phil’s words as you smiled adoringly, the pink spreading across your cheeks was adorable. He shakily slid the diamond ring on your finger,

    “Wear it with love and joy.”

     “Wear it with love and joy.”

     “As this ring has no end, My love is also forever.”

    “As this ring has no end, My love is also forever.”

    “Good job man.” He winked teasingly at Technoblade breaking character to complement his friend, “Bride, place the ring on Groom’s finger and repeat after me….I give you this ring.”

     “I give you this ring.”

     “Wear it with love and joy.”

     “Wear it with love and joy.”

     “As this ring has no end, my love is also forever.”

     “As this ring has no end, my love is also forever.” You breathed softly staring into Technoblade’s eyes and right into his soul. No doubts, only love. Phil continued on,

     “May the wedding rings you exchanged today to remind you always that you are surrounded by enduring love and so now by the power vested in me by...me, it is my honor and delight to declare you husband and wife. You may seal this declaration with a kiss.” You didn’t need to be told twice as you threw your arms around Technoblade’s shoulders smothering him with a kiss. He let out a breathy laugh against them, before kissing you back just as passionately. Technoblade’s hands rested on your lower back and he held you like you were a perfect porcelain doll. “I am pleased to present the newlyweds, Mr. and Mrs… ugh Blade! We’ll go with that.” The man laughed as you pulled away from Technoblade to join in his laughter, you pulled Phil into a hug and motioned for Ranboo to join in, both did so, although Ranboo’s was slightly reluctant.

     “Thank you both for everything. My sweet Borealis boys.” You cooed, Phil only laughed and Ranboo’s entire face flushed deeply at the nickname.

     “We love you obviously,” Phil hummed “You don’t need to thank us. Right Ranboo?”

     “Do I really have to say it?”

    “Yes.” Technoblade spoke gruffly, “If you don’t she might cry.”

     “Yeah, Ranboo don’t make me cry on my wedding day.”

     “Oh, Christ...Fine! I love you too…thank you for giving me a home. Caring for me...all of that. You don’t know how much that means to me.” Ranboo looked up at you and you immediately wrapped him in another tight hug, he let out a little whimper and buried his face in your hair.

     “You’ll always be welcome here Ranboo. We’ll always be your home so long as you’ll have us.”

     “Shit,” He laughed a little wetly pulling away from you, “I’ll have to write that down.”

    “You mean you’ll forget it? Rude.” It was Technoblade who chimed in this time and Ranboo flushed in embarrassment once again. He hunched in on himself before sputtering,

     “No, no, no not what I meant! What I mean is like-”

    “Ranboo you’re fine mate.” Phil snickered, reaching up to ruffle his hair, “loosen up a little.”

     “(Y/N)!” You turned towards the shouting of your new friends and your face lit up,

    “Puffy!” The two girls threw their arms around you in a warm hug, even though you didn’t know Niki yet you’re never one to turn down a hug.

Your final conclusion of the night: Niki was absolutely lovely and she and Puffy were relationship goals.

~~~

Candles were littered around the room as you and Technoblade swayed gently to soft music in your bedroom. The both of you were finally alone, and officially married, the first thing Technoblade wanted to do was have the first dance with you. It surprised you that a dance was that important to him, but you came to the conclusion that he just wanted to hold you as close as possible. “I have a gift for you,” Technoblade spoke up rather suddenly and you frowned,

     “We said no gifts.”

     “When have I EVER listened to authority Princess?”

     “Touche,” You snapped your fingers in his direction and he snickered. He pulled away from you and you flopped down on the bed, you watched him walk over to the closet and pull out a medium-sized velvet box. “Bubs what the hell…” You murdered as he placed it into your arms, “please tell me you didn’t go too crazy.”

    “I didn’t. I made it by hand,” Technoblade urged you to open it. You did so pulling off the top, jaw-dropping onto the floor. He knew that reaction was positive and pride swelled in his heart, he knew his girl well. He watched as you lifted the golden tiara out of the box, it was littered with gems that matched his crown, your thumb brushed against them in awe.

     “You made this?”

     “Just for you Princess. Thought you needed something to fit your name.”

     “I’m so in love with you.”

     “Good thing you're my wife then,” he felt his stomach swoop happily and by the way you gently caressed the crown, he knew you felt the same about him. “Put it on Princess I wanna see how it looks on you.” Your face turned red as you did as he asked, his eyes grew half-lidded and he kneeled down in front of you, “Stunning.” He kissed the inside of your wrist, his voice turning gruff, “beautiful.” A kiss was placed on your forearm, “gorgeous,” On your shoulder, “My princess. My good girl.” Technoblade pressed a hot kiss to your neck, you leaned back your breath hitching in your throat.

     “Techno…” You whined softly, “I love you.”

      “Love you more.”

     “Love you most,” He purred, capturing your lips in a heated kiss.

~~~

The dogs' rapid barking stirred you from your rest, Technoblade grumbled beside you as you sat up in bed letting the covers fall from your shoulders. The air nipped at your bare skin and you frowned, you couldn’t help but wonder what bothered the dogs so suddenly, “Go back to bed.” Technoblade demanded his hand caressing the small of your back, you leaned back against the warm touch but you couldn’t shake away your worry.

     “I’ll be back in two seconds.” You leaned down to kiss the top of his head, he only hummed in response. Big guy knew you could handle yourself just fine, n’ that’s why you loved him. You slipped on a robe and your slippers before making your way to the dogs, stepping inside you heard quite a few of them whining, they just seemed genuinely bothered. “What’s going on huh guys?” You cooed scratching them behind their ears, sensing your comforting presence they seemed to calm down considerably, “What’s got my fearsome guard puppies so spooked.”

      “That’d probably be me.”

You jumped halfway in the air, whipping around you came face to face with the hollow white mask that Dream commonly wore.

    “Fucking shit Dream what the hell?” You pressed your hand to your heart, your dogs growling lowly all around you. “You scared the shit out of me!”

    “My bad.” He smirked in a way that showed he wasn’t at all sorry, “I’m a little disappointed I didn’t get an invitation to the wedding.”

     “Would you have even shown up?” You raised an eyebrow as he stepped closer to you, Nightmare was at his hip making your bad vibe senses light up like a wildfire. He hummed thoughtfully rubbing his chin,

    “Probably not. But, I decided I’d drop by and give you my congratulations.” He was close enough that you could smell him, he smelled like burning wood and dirt; like a little pissbaby worm.

     “Well thank you,” You wrapped the robe tighter around your body like it suddenly dropped ten degrees. “You can go now-” You started before you were pressed up against the wall, his fearsome blade Nightmare at your throat. The dogs began to bark and howl at the man’s heels but they couldn’t do much without a direct command, but you hoped it would be enough to draw Technoblade out of the house.

     “Clearly Technoblade cares about you much more than I had originally calculated. It’s kind of pathetic if I’m being honest. Someone like you who's so small, so pathetic, could bring Technoblade, the fearsome blood god himself, down like that. Make him soft. We can’t exactly have that now, can we? We need him...How do I say this...a bit feral, unhinged.”

     “You realize you kill me, you can count on him hunting you down and slaughtering you right? I can’t say for sure the ‘favor’ is completely off the table but he’ll half-ass it that’s for sure.” You snarled right back in Dreams face, tempted to spit in it.

    “Oh, I’m not going to kill you, babe.” His voice dripped like honey, its sickly sweet tone made your stomach churn. “But we’re going to get really comfortable with one another, for the time being, you’re under my custody.”

     “What the fuck does that mean you freak-” He hit you on the back of the head with Nightmare, successfully knocking you out. That caused one of the dogs to absolutely lose it, jumping up and tearing off a piece of Dreams bright green hoodie. He snarled at the dog and jolted when he heard Technoblade call for (Y/N), it was close. He quickly messaged his accomplice and was teleported out of the situation, via his own stasis chamber, appearing back in his home base. He smiled wickedly under his mask, as Enderman noises could be heard behind him. He adjusted the girl in his grip, the next few days were going to be a lot of fun.

: )

~~~

Leave your comments below and I hope you enjoyed! Memes and fanart is also always welcome your girl is thirsty for any scrap of content. 

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

Alright y’all, I’ve got a new traumatic update for my lovely dear hearts who are committed to the tragic Shakespearean play that is my chaotic life <3

So, as some of you may know, I was recently offered an amazing job in Middle-earth New Zealand, in a beautifully scenic region (‘Tis around Lake-town/Erebor for all those who must know), where I’m literally getting paid to work with the stars in an Archaeoastronomy role — AKA my dream gig since I was a baby pre-teen obtaining my galactic fixation after watching Guardians of the Galaxy in 2014.

Great! Awesome! This will be a grand adventure! Somewhere I belong! Middle-earth! Hasta la vista to all those hunting me down and attempting to make my life miserable! Adios! Sayonara! There’s even a university nearby that offers my dream course!

Ecstatic, I start rummaging through my trunk to find my passport, as all I’ve got to do is take it to the post office to get my legal name on it updated and…

Wait a minute…

Shit.

Fuck.

Guess who left their motherfucking passport at their fucking mother’s house, 4,000 miles away in a place I’m literally exiled from?

That’s right. Me. I need to move overseas but have no passport.

No big deal, I’ll go get another one.

Big deal.

Despite being TWENTY FUCKING YEARS OLD, I still need my parents to help me get a new passport, as well as a driver’s license, which is currently, uh…✨suspended✨ thanks to me taking “pedal to the metal” too literally upon fleeing my state.

So. I’m trapped. Stuck on an island, and my home state’s borders just opened which means you know who can come here at any damn time.

I can’t legally drive until July again, and I need my license to help get a new passport, but then I also need someone who’s known me for at least a year to sign it as a guarantor, and I have no contact with anyone I’ve ever known for safety reasons.

Middle-earth is slipping through my fingers like sand, and I’m trying to rack my brain for alternatives, but it looks like I’m gonna be a slave to this railway for a good long while yet :)

The bard is down, folks, I repeat: the bard is down.

Me, @ the universe and all this shitty character development they’re giving me:

Anyone wanna see a chronological list of all the shit that’s happened in the last 6 months alone?

[ancdtlst]

i loved your oneus mafia au!! so im here to ask ( actually im not sure if requests are open ... ) mafia au oneus reaction to someone trying to injury their s/o <3

ONEUS Reaction to Someone Trying to Hurt Their S/O

This reaction will be referred to my other post about ONEUS Mafia AU.

Hi, thank you so much for loving that one. Request is always open since we didn't get much request. Thanks for drop by too 💕

[Warning: This contain graphic violence, mention of deaths, mention of killings and strong language. This may not be suitable, upsetting and offended for some readers.]

Kim Yongjo / Ravn

This psychopath would give zero fuck to whoever dare to hurt his s/o. People who know who he actually is, would think more twice rather than make a move to hurt his s/o. He may be evil but man could love and care with all his might. Sure, he was glad nothing bad happen to his s/o but he would definitely hunt whoever this person is along with their love ones. He would like to show to the person how it felt when your love ones were hurt. He likes to pay his ‘debt’. “You don’t fuck with God.”

Lee Seoho

Once a madman, always a madman. He would go after their love ones like how the person did. Showing them the literal meaning of no mercy. Though it was just an attempt to kidnap his s/o but this madman hold a grudge. He hates it when people mess with his kind and his love one. He will get rid of everyone who is close to the person so that there would not be any potential enemy. “My love one is innocent and so your family but this is what made us different, I’m evil and you're just plain crazy.”

Kim Geonhak / Leedo

Never try to test his patience. As said, he is a very brutal and would do anything to save his s/o. No one and nothing can stop this killing machine from hunting whoever the person is. Just like the others, he would hurt their s/o like how they try to hurt his. The only different is, he would actually kill them and made it look like a suicide. “A reminder for you to know where you stand.”

Lee Keonhee

This man is full of tricks. Of course he would not let his s/o be vulnerable in any situation and he had taught his s/o to always be alert. He may look like he does not care but he actually did. As said, he is a man with full of tricks. Using his s/o to trick the person to hurt his, is actually paid off. He love the reaction on their faces and when they realised they got into his trap. Above that, he was more than grateful that his s/o did not hurt. “You should know better with who you were messing with.”

Yeo Hwanwoong

Killing is his nature. No drama, no time wasting. He would go after to whoever is trying to hurt his s/o and put the bullet right on their skull like playing in the arcade of circus. Easy and less time consuming but after he make sure his s/o did not hurt at all, even a little scratch. “Hasta la vista. I’ll see you in hell soon.”

Son Dongju / Xion

Yeah about that, if they knew Xion, they better not be trying to hurt his s/o. If they did, they are not safe in whereever they hide. He could find them even if they tried to hide in the vault. They better pray that Xion never find them and if he did it is the end. “Hide well, motherfucker. Grim reaper is coming for ya.”

[rbr-seb]

A BRIEF OVERVIEW OF EL PLAN

- SebNando fighting for most overtakes last year, which seb won and got one million jelly beans.

- both got a podium (seb technically got two but FIA hates sexy people)

- Canada GP happens, Nando gets penalized for weaving on the straights

- Since the only thing fuelling him is spite, he brings it up every race during the GDPA meetings.

- Seb gets so mad he leaves during an important meeting and gets fined 25k Euros

- Seb places last in Austria. It was time for him to leave. He had seen everything.

- He starts an instagram and Hasta La Vista motherfuckers his way out of F1.

- Last year's rumours become true, AM WAS speaking to Nando behind seb's back. Or Maybe Nando just grew tired of otmar. Rip este.

- Papa stroll signs Nando for a multi year contract. RIP junior drivers.

- Watch the green tractor become a rocket next year and watch Nando get his 3rd championship.

EL PLAN. STAGE 1 ELIMINATE SEB.

STAGE 2 ELIMINATE LEWIS

[tellywoodtrash]

lets suppose you are ridhimma with brain. You had enough and now you are going to take revenge on Raisinghania, how will you punish each of them?

Why should I waste my time and effort on these ppl who don’t deserve a second more than they have already sucked outta me since I’ve met them? Call me Amy Dunne, coz I’m GONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let’s assume I do want to fuck with them tho. First thing, I get Kabir over on my side. Convince him ki dekho Vansh maarofied two (2) girls of yours tumhari naak ke neeche se, time for you to fuck with him, chal shaadi karte hain. Make myself Raisinghania Bahu # 2. This gets me into the house, and also Vansh gets to see me with Kabir all day, every day and die in agony about it, since that’s what all this is really about. Systematically destroy his mental health by really rubbing it in, the way Kabir did, about how no one really loves him truly, everyone just wants him around for their matlab. Aryan and Chachi are easy to handle; use their alliance with Kabir. K made the public announcement ki 50% of the property is his. Convince them ki it’s best if they ally with him since Vansh doesn’t let Aryan do anything and will never give him the reins. Turn them against Vansh nice and good (even more so than usual.) They’ll make some stupidass plan as usual, that Vansh will find out/catch in the act, and either throw them out/kill them. Ishani is pretty easy too, bring Sunny in front of her and reveal that Vansh was the one who paid him off to leave her. Two birds, one stone: Ishani ka ego bhi toot gaya, aur rishta with “bhaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiii” also. Dadi ko toh buddhaapa handle kar lega. Anyway all this nonsense is sure to make her BP high and take her out in a month or two. Siya ka we’ll see what the status is when she wakes up and determine accordingly. If she’s on our side when she wakes up, well and good, nahi toh hum apni physiotherapy knowledge se uski nas vaqaii mein idhar udhar kar denge; apna wheelchair pakad le woh phir se. Bacha kaun iss sab ke baad? Kabir. Ahaaaa, but we’ve been poisoning him slowly since Day 1!!!!!!!! It finally all builds up and he dies. If that doesn’t work, we just inject a tiny air bubble (by bahaana of giving him COVID vaccine) and wait for the embolism. Vansh prolly still alive (barely) at the end of all this; we just leave him alive to continue living his miserable life ALONE coz what bigger punishment is there than that? Or idk, depending on my mood. Maybe I just shoot him dead coz I feel like it that day. Either waaaaaaaaaay, hasta la vista, motherfucker. I take all the money I’ve managed to siphon off from these dumbasses (also the money I’ve got from selling all of their trade secrets to their business/mafia rivals), and live happily ever after, traveling the world to visit every single cat cafe that exists.

[boxofbadaddiction]

Memorable Movie Lines

Prompt List

Below is a list of some of my favourite movie lines. Requests are open.

The Rules:

Send in a character and two or more prompts and I'll write a story inspired by the lines you give me. Please include "movie prompt" in your request as this isn't my only prompt list and I'd hate to confuse them ♡

-Accepting prompts for H.P Characters-

Note: If the prompt is orange it has been requested a couple times. If it's red the prompt has been requested several times. Maybe don't choose that prompt unless you're like...desperately in love with it.

"I'm your huckleberry"

"Hasta La Vista, Baby"

"It's not tragic to die doing what you love"

"Lets put a smile on that face"

"Come with me if you want to live"

"He slimed me"

"Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?"

"I don't know about you but I have an aversion to getting F.U.B.A.R"/"What's F.U.B.A.R?"

"Wax on. Wax off."

"Go ahead. Make my day."

"Roads? Where we're going we don't need roads."

"I'll have what she's having"

"This place is like Dr Suess' worst nightmare."

"You're a daisy if you do."

"Don't think you are. Know you are."

"Yippee Ki Yay, Motherfucker."

"You gonna do something. Or just stand there and bleed?"

"Fight harder, huh? I don't see you fightin' so hard, Baby. I don't see you runnin' up to Daddy, tellin' him I'm your man."

"On any other day that may seem strange."

"My way's not very sportsman-like"

"I'll be back"

"Wow, this is a Goddamn Greek tragedy."

"Son, your ego's writing checks your body can't cash."

"Put the Bunny back in the box."

"Maybe [activity/sport] just isn't your game. I know - lets have a spelling contest."

"You keep using that word, I don't think it means what you think it means."

"Earnest Hemingway once said; 'what a fine world we live in...and worth fighting for.' I agree with the second part."

"You tell 'em I'm coming, and Hell’s coming with me. You hear? Hell’s coming with me!"

"Frankly, my Dear, I don't give a damn."

"Surely, you can't be serious."/"I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."

Disclosure: New to writing. I only have experience with The Twins and Harry but welcome other characters as well. If you are a writer and wish to use this list feel free!

[lightdivided]

alright! enjoy your time, but please don’t destroy yourself at all

in true middle aged white man fashion: hasta la vista motherfucker <3

[atimefordragons]

tagged by @ayzrules to list 10 songs i can’t stop listening to right now:

at this exact moment I’m listening to my Dany themes playlist because I’m fucking pissed off at annoying clients and am 100% imagining burning them with my dragon. Dracarys motherfuckers, just you wait until my definitely real dragon hatches and grows up a little. 

Anyway, other than that: 

Hasta la Vista - Hurricane 

Universo - Blas Cantó

On Fire - The Roop

Solovey - GO_A

The Man - Taylor Swift

UNO -  Little Big

Cleopatra - Efendi

SUPERG!RL - Stefania 

Only the Young - Taylor Swift

I Think He Knows - Taylor Swift 

lmao, can you tell it (was) Eurovision season?

tagging: @podunkcanadian @themadmonarchist @themonsterslut @kzombi3 @from-sejiou-to-the-stars @turquoisesiren @qira-targaryen @starkillerjones @daenerys-targaryen @alittlebitluna + anyone who wants to do it.