Doodle
Where is part four of He's Not Dead But Still Gone?
Doodle
It's time for angst again
It's been a minute!
I will say... this is the last part, and y'all are finally getting a happy ending.
Don't kill me for waiting for so long.
It had been about two weeks since they got there. Since Kyle saw Dad for the first time in years.
He still wasn't sure about it. He had frequent calls with his therapist to stay calm, Alex was talking with him, admitting that he was also struggling with seeing him again.
Lilith was also helpful, offering to come down and see him, spend a few days with him. He was considering it. Just to get away from it for a few days
This was the first time he spent more then a weeks with the whole 141 since his and Alex's wedding. He wasn't sure how he felt about it, especially with not even seeing Ghost and Soap for more then a few days a year in the last seven years. But, it was nice seeing them. He missed them and they missed him.
But... His dad just seemed like a husk. He was there. He was him. He was how he remembered mostly. But he didn't remember him.
And he was more broken every time he looked at him.
But, every night... He would be on that bench by the water, and John would come out with him. To talk with him.
He was slowly realizing that he did want to talk to him. He did want him back in his life.
Alex was right. It was fine... Even if they didn't have the same relationship as they did before, it was fine.
He wished he didn't doubt him. Why did he in the first place?
Now he was going back to the hotel room, in near tears, because he was scared if Alex would say anything, get mad at him for doubting him.
He remembered his break down from years before, when everything was at it's peak, when he ended up in a mental hospital for a week after wreaking their room on base, giving Alex bruises in the process. Alex had told him what had happened that day, even in not great detail... but it was enough.
Alex was trying to hold him still, stop him from taking another picture frame and breaking it, from hurting either of them. He had punched Alex while getting out of his grip, and then ended up breaking another frame, smashing it on the desk and sending shards everywhere.
Alex radioed Laswell to get medics, who ran in and forced him down to sedate him, then took Alex to the med bay with him to treat his wounds.
He remembered being put into the car to go to the hospital, looking out the window to see Alex watching the car as it left the base. He cried his eyes out, not even able to say goodbye to him before he was put in the hospital, not having his phone to contact anyone. He would sit in his room, sobbing in his freezing bed, hugging a pillow and trying to pretend it was Alex.
He remembered being released, and being escorted out of the hospital, seeing Alex leaning on his car, bruises and stitches on his arms. He had started sobbing there and then, then bawling as Alex pulled him into his arms.
He said "I'm sorry." too many times to count.
Alex said "It's okay." too many times to count.
He always remembered it. He was scared about it happening again. He was scared about Alex's reaction if it were to happen again...
He shakily went into their hotel room, Alex just getting ready for bed as he walked in, turning to him and smiling softly.
"How'd it go?" He asked
"U-uh... fine. Still not remembering anything but he's at least it's... something."
"Good. Anything else? About anything?"
"No..."
"Your shaking."
He hated how eagle eyed Alex was sometimes.
"What's going on?" Alex asked, holding his hands softly.
"I-I... I didn't believe you..."
"About Price?"
He nodded, tearing up again as Alex pulled him to the bed.
"You were hurt, baby. Badly. You were left with thinking that he didn't love you anymore. And you couldn't bare seeing him. I don't care if I was right or not. I just care if your okay. If your happy. I don't want you to have another breakdown. Seeing him... has probably brought up more things from those years then before. You are so strong for seeing him, even if you weren't expecting it. I don't care if you didn't believe me. Because you thought it was too wishful. And I don't blame you."
Kyle nodded softly, a little relived, but still sobbing and shaking, "I'm sorry..."
"Kyle, look at me." Alex said softly, and Kyle looked up, tears running down his face.
"You don't have to apologize. Just... happy that it went better then you thought it would."
"I-I don't want to go back to the hospital..."
"You won't." He softly kissed Kyle's head, holding him close and laying him down in bed, "Go to sleep, baby. We can... talk about it when your calmer."
He managed to fall asleep. Laying in warmth, Alex holding him in his arms and him wrapping himself around Alex.
He was safe... He was home.
The next day...
John sighed as he woke up, Phil still sound asleep in bed next to him.
He always liked to look at Phil in the light of the sunrise. His hair would turn golden, his skin would glow, and when he would open his eyes, they would shine so beautifully...
Phil talked about all that was going on while he was in a coma... God, he wished so many things went differently, so many people wouldn't be hurt... Kyle wouldn't have left. Maybe.
He could have walked him down the aisle.
But wishing would do nothing... He just fucking wanted to tell Kyle, but... whenever they were on the bench, it would only be thirty minutes.
But maybe tonight... Tonight he would tell Kyle the truth.
"Your thinking." Phil said, making him look back to the bed, seeing him sitting up slightly, "What's going on?"
"I need to tell Kyle..." He said, sighing.
"It'll be good, John. He just wants you to love him."
"I know... I'm just worried about him. He's not the boy I remember..."
"It really shattered him, John. He's gone through a lot of therapy to even get to this point... And he had to have even more appointments since that day. Three times a week for the first few years, Alex would take him to a rage room at least once a week for months... Knowing that he's still your son, that you still love him. It would either make it better or break him. But you won't know until you tell him."
John nodded, sighing, looking back at Phil as he picked up his phone, seeing a text from Alex.
"Alex and Kyle are getting breakfast downstairs. Johnny and Simon are with him. You wanna go and find them?"
"Yeah... Let's go."
Breakfast went fine, they were talking about the weddings and everything. John's memory got brought up, which is when Kyle got silent.
"You alright, Kyle?" Johnny asked.
"Yeah- Yeah sorry, just... zoned out for a second." He said, and perfectly on cue, he got a call, "I'll be back." He stood, picking up the call from Lilith and walking out of the dining area in the hotel.
Alex sighed quietly, but decided to say nothing. Kyle was not in the headspace for dealing with anymore stress. But it was probably just Kaida checking on him.
Ghost decided to change the subject back to the wedding, which was in two weeks.
It just... Had to go right. Hope for the best.
Kyle seemed a little distant for the rest of the day all the way to dinner.
But he still went out to the bench to wait for John.
"There you are." John said as he walked up, sitting next to him, "How are you?"
"Fine.. You?"
"Been fine... Can I ask how you... know Simon and Johnny?" He was just... trying to see what life Kyle had come up with. If he had at all.
"Well..." He paused, clearly having to think about it, "Alex and I did some work with the 141 a while back. While you were in the coma."
"You kept in touch?"
"My team has... connections. When it comes to gear and weapons. Decided to keep in touch in case they needed anything... ended up becoming friends."
"I assume that said 'connections' are classified, though?"
"Very."
"Understood."
Kyle sighed, looking back out to the water. He wasn't wearing his mask anymore, at all around him, which he thought was a good sign.
"I, uh... I wish I met you earlier, sir." Kyle said, "Your a very good captain. A good man..." He was tearing up, and it made John tear up too. But he didn't see it.
He didn't want John to see it. To question it. No matter how much he wanted to say, "Dad" he didn't. He knew that it would make it worse again. He didn't want to go back to what it was seven years ago.
But... then John spoke.
"Kyle... Please look at me."
No. He was dreaming. This was a joke.
"Gaz. Kyle. Look at me. Please."
This was a fucking joke. A cruel fucking joke.
But he looked over slowly, seeing John looking at him genuinely.
"Son. I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took so long for me to remember you, I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I didn't know where to start. How to tell you. But... I remember you. I finally looked at the pictures you left me, two years ago. I remembered everything. Phil had the pictures of just before Alex proposed to you... I'm sorry I never walked you down the aisle. I'm sorry I couldn't be at the wedding. I promised I would, then I never did... I knew you never wanted to see me. So I never reached out. No matter how much I wanted to..." He sighed, looking Kyle in his tear-soaked eyes.
"All I want... is for you to know I love you. That I remember you. That I want you at Phil and I's wedding. But if you don't want that. If your don't want me in your life. I will not force it."
He started sobbing, shaking his head in disbelief, "Dad...?"
"It's me, Kyle... Your my son."
He started crying, jumping into John's arms as he cried his eyes out.
His heart truly started to heal, after so many years.
"Dad...!"
"It's me... It's okay, my boy. I'm here now. Your okay."
He just cried so hard until he couldn't anymore. John held him for so long, even after he stopped crying.
"I'm sorry, dad..."
"You don't need to be."
"I-I was so fucking cold to you..."
"You were hurt. By me. I hurt you... so bad."
"I-"
"Kyle. No. You don't need to be sorry. I promise. All you need is to tell me what you want. Do you want me in your life after the wedding or not?"
"I-I want you! Please, dad, please- I want you in my life!"
"Then I'll be here." He said, pulling Kyle's face out of his shoulder, wiping the tears off his face, smiling, "I'll be right here. You'll be at the wedding... Right?"
He nodded frantically.
"Why don't you bring Lilith too? I'd love to meet the woman."
He sniffed, "I will..."
"Good. Now... Why don't you go off to bed? You can calm down, get some rest, and we can let the others know, okay?"
Kyle nodded, finally pulling away from him, "G-Goodnight, dad..." He said, standing and going back to the hotel.
He tried to make it look like he as okay before he got to the room, shakily opening the door.
"There you are- Baby?" Alex said, quickly standing when he saw that Kyle's eyes were so bloodshot, and his face was wet with tears, "What happened- Are you hurt?!"
"No-No...'
"What's going on, baby?"
"D-Dad... Dad..." He sobbed again, falling into Alex's arms, "Dad remembers me...!" He said, crying into Alex's chest, "He remembers us!!"
Alex was hit with shock and relief so fast that it gave him whiplash. He teared up himself, smiling softly, "Good... Fuck- that's great..." He said, kissing Kyle's forehead, "That's... Fucking. Amazing." He shook his head, sobbing as he took both of them to the bed, holding onto Kyle as they both cried.
Kyle was just exhausted from crying. He was crying so hard and for so long, and it was just so done with the day, even if this was great news.
"Let's just... get to bed, okay?" Alex asked, "We can... take care of the rest in the morning. Talk to Price. Tell the others..."
Kyle nodded, and they both laid down, holding each other as they fell asleep, finally happy and enjoying being there.
The next day...
"Holy shit." Simon said when he checked his phone, "John told Kyle last night."
"He did?" Johnny asked, a little shocked.
"Kyle texted me earlier. John told him everything last night. They're all talking about it right now."
"You think he and Alex are okay?"
"I'm sure. Probably just shocked..." He sighed, "Come on, let's go get breakfast."
They were alone for the first few minutes, but when the others finally came to see them, Kyle was genuinely smiling for the first time in a while.
It was... finally okay. They wouldn't be back in the 141, but, they finally started to be a family again.
It was okay. They were all okay.
They could all heal a little more.
Kyle had his dad back. and he didn't want to lose him again.
Ever.
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Please ma'am *shakes the fake metal cup* please they deserve a happier ending than that. Please or I'll be forced to take kneecaps from someone.
Oh Droid
it's not that much happier yet
but it will get better
(WARNINGS: mental health struggles, memory loss, depression, medical inaccuracy)
---
Phil had barely gotten to talk to Kyle and Alex this year. They had been caught up in making their Task Force, which he learned recently was called "Rain". He had linked up with his old squad a few times, which was originally where his friend had been. Lilith was her name, apparently.
But the first year had gone fine. They were talking a lot, and he was able to see Kyle a few times, before and after the wedding. Both he and Alex had seemed to be doing better, and he was happy about it, becuase it was what they needed.
But he didn't want to leave John's side. he still loved him, and John remembered everything about him... even that they were engaged. He had been planning their wedding for almost five years. He was so happy that they could get married, but... he wanted their son to be there. And Kyle had made it clear that he would never willingly go back after what happened. He understood and respected it.
He was going to put it off as long as possible. If he gave it time, John might remember them. And maybe Kyle would come back...
For now, He was taking John out with him so his family could see him. His mother and sisters had been amazing help during the three years John was asleep. But they hadn't been able to see each other in quite some time.
It was a decent restaurant. One that they all happened to like.
He saw his Mother and his three older sisters, and they waved to him, calling him and John over.
"Hey, boys!" His mother said, hugging Phil tight, "oh, I missed you, son!"
"Missed you too, ma." He said, hugging her back.
"John, how's it going?" She asked, smiling.
"Mostly fine, Eli." He said, smiling, "And Yourself?"
"Been good. Missed you two."
His sisters came over to hug him, and he smiled softly.
This was the only family he had. His father was in Prison for life. He grew up with just the three of them most of the time. Their mother worked three jobs for a long time to keep them fed...
It all turned out okay. But it was scary for a long time.
"Good to see you two in one piece." The oldest, Kat, said.
"Yeah... we haven't been up to much." John said, smiling.
"Good, means you can't have much worse happen!" The youngest, Charlotte, said, chuckling.
Phil smiled softly, "True... it's just an interesting situation right now...'
"I bet." The middle sister, Emma, said, "But, it could be worse?"
He chuckled. He was the youngest of all of them. His sisters had been the ones to raise him until Kat got a job...
It was okay now. He rarely thought about it anymore.
"So... John?" Eli asked, "How are you feeling? Anything coming back yet?"
He shrugged, "A little. Farah, Ghost, Soap, Laswell... It's slow, but, It's happening."
"Good." Emma said, "At least it's coming back."
"And we're still planning the wedding." John said, "We just have to get the venue and date. Then our suits."
Eli smiled, "I'm glad. Phil was planning things while you were asleep. He was thinking about the flowers, and the place..."
John smiled, "And they were beautiful. He showed me the flowers he wanted. And It's beautiful..."
Charlotte smiled, "I can't wait for you to bawl your eyes out when Phil walks down the aisle."
They all laughed, and it made Phil temporarily forget about what was really going on and what would happen...
Two weeks later...
Phil was waiting at the airport for Kyle and Alex. They were on leave and wanted to see him, alone. Like normal. It was almost their anniversary. every year, they got together, and gave each other Christmas gifts. They hadn't spent it together since they left.
"Hey, Pops!" Kyle called out, going up to Phil and hugging him.
"Hey, kid. Missed you." He said, opening his arm for Alex to join, which he did, smiling.
"How's it going with Rain?" Phil asked as they got in the car.
"Not bad. Getting recruits and missions." Kyle said, "It's nice to have Kaida back. She's a great help... missed her..."
Phil smiled slightly, looking in the mirror to see them. They were holding hands, both actually smiling softly as Kyle talked about the Task Force. They were definitely still in therapy, because they were doing a lot better than they were last year. Kyle still looked exhausted, lost light in his eyes, and gained a ton of scars but... at least he was talking. He sounded almost how he used to.
Alex was the same. He looked like he was roughed up and exhausted from everything. But he sounded better.
"Well, I'm glad to hear everything has been good." Phil said, "Do... You want to know about Dad or not?"
"I'd rather not."
"Okay. That's fine."
Before, Kyle would've started disassociating at the mere mention of it. Now he was still smiling softly and looked fine, answering a phone call and speaking in code.
He was so proud of them. The progress they made...
"Well, why don't we go and get some dinner?" Phil asked once Kyle hung up.
"Yeah... that'd be nice." Kyle said, looking up at Alex.
"I'm down for it." He smiled.
"Good. let's get something." Phil said as he drove to town.
Dinner was good. They ended up staying out for a long time, talking about what happened in the past year.
"To be honest, it's been slow this year." Phil said, "With... Everything, we've just been... working more on that."
"Understandable." Kyle said, "What about Ghost and Soap? I've started talking to them more but they aren't saying much..."
Phil shrugged, "They're doing fine. Got engaged recently and are planning the wedding. They are settling down, so, they haven't told many people yet."
Kyle nodded, "I get it... What about Your wedding, what's the status on that?"
He was a little shocked, but answered, "It's still happening. But not sure when. If you want to come, I will send an invite once we get all of it figured out. If you don't want to, I don't blame you. If you want to think, that's okay too."
Kyle nodded, "I'll have to think. But I'm happy for you." He smiled softly, and so did Alex.
He was fine with it. He just wanted to wait for John's memory of Kyle to come back to have the wedding with him there...
They spent the week together. He sent them with Christmas gifts, and gifts for Alex's birthday.
He got to get a picture with the three of them together, at least. He had proof that Kyle was still smiling.
And the day they left was the day that John fell into that coma. Six years.
Two Months Later...
John smiled as he walked into Phil's office with a cup of coffee, "Hey darling. What are you up to?"
"Decided to replace some pictures." Phil said, taking something out of the back of the frame.
John smiled softly, sitting with him as he worked, picking one up and looking at it.
It looked... familiar, in a way. It was him, Phil, and two others. He thought he had seen them somewhere before...
He put it down before he thought about it too hard, but took it when Phil got distracted.
When he went back to his own office, he looked at it again.
"Who were you two...?"
He decided to look at the old stack of pictures that was left at his bed when he woke up. He didn't know where they came from. He didn't even remember who left them or when.
But he hadn't touched them in the three years he was awake.
They had Simon and Johnny, which was odd. Those two other people were in their pictures...
Most of them had Phil with those two.
He didn't know who they were, but they were in his life at some point. In the 141.
He decided to look at the gifts that he left untouched for years. Nine total.
They were all dated. His birthday, Christmas, and Father's Day.
But he never had kids. He knew he never had kids.
They were from Kyle... Who was Kyle?
It hit him.
"It's me, Dad... It's Kyle..."
That was Kyle.
But why would he say "Dad"? How was he in his life before?
The gift was an engraved pistol. Like the other weapons that hung on his office wall.
Kyle is where they all came from?
It was the same for the other Birthday gifts. Knife and a bullet set.
The Father's Day gifts were Drawings and paintings. Beautiful landscapes, with him and Kyle...
He... remembered that. He remembered that. He knew where they happened.
He didn't remember Kyle. He knew his face and voice... but who was he?!
The Christmas gifts were handmade trinkets with small pictures.
Wait... Wait.
He looked back at the Photo, and he turned it over.
"Alex, Kyle, Phil, and John.
25/12/2024."
The year before he fell into the coma...
Kyle... He remembered Kyle. He remembered Alex.
That picture was right before Alex had proposed.
He remembered Kyle sobbing as Alex slipped the ring on his finger. He remembered the pure joy on their faces. He remembered them holding each other while they sat in front of the tree. He remembered Phil's sobs of joy. He remembered his own.
He remembered Kyle asking him to walk him down the aisle. He remembered sobbing while he held him, saying yes, of course he would.
"I love you, son."
He remembered saying that.
"I love you too, Dad..."
He remembered Kyle saying that.
He remembered how they helped each other plan their own weddings. He remembered talking to Alex about how he was so happy and excited for them. he remembered Alex crying in his arms about how he wanted it to be perfect. He remembered holding him while telling him it would be as long as they were happy.
He remembered Kyle being a bubbly, bright light in his life. He remembered how Alex helped him.
He remembered getting shot. He remembered Kyle's scream.
"Dad?! Dad, open your eyes, please!!"
He remembered Kyle holding his hand. He remembered trying to talk while Kyle begged him to hold on. He remembered passing out, Kyle still screaming.
"We need Medivac, now!"
He remembered waking up briefly before going to sleep for good. He remembered Kyle reaching for his jacket, for the letters.
He probably read them.
And now, Makarov and Shepherd were dead. Valeria was in jail. Zakheav was dead, for good this time.
And he was sure Kyle did it all for him.
But where was he? Where was Alex? Were they dead? Why didn't Phil tell him?
No. No, Kyle wasn't dead. Alex wasn't dead. Did they get married?
Why didn't he remember his own child?
There was a knock on the door, and Phil came in, smiling with a cup of tea.
But it quickly fell when he realized that John was looking down at the picture, the gifts unwrapped, and the stack of pictures scattered on the table.
"John?"
He looked up at him.
"Where's Kyle and Alex?"
Phil blinked, tearing up.
"Philip. Where is our son and his fiancé?"
He started crying, going to hug him tight, "you remembered them... you remembered..."
John sighed, "Why aren't they here? Where'd they go?"
Phil paused for a second, pulling a chair over so he could sit with John, "They... aren't here..."
"Where are they?"
"John..." He sighed, holding his hands, "When you woke up, you... didn't remember Kyle. You asked who he was, and said that you never had kids..."
"I remember that..."
"He left the room, and he and Alex... They left. It was for the best, for both of them. Kyle was at a breaking point. He- and I, if I'm honest, had spent time in a mental hospital while you were asleep. And he was just waiting for the day that you would wake up so he could hug you, and tell you that he loved you, that he was sorry, and everything else... But you didn't remember him. The morning after, they left. They left the Task Force..."
John was already tearing up. His child was gone... because of him.
"Gaz is gone..." He whispered.
"It's not Gaz anymore."
He snapped his head up, a tear rolling down his face.
"It's Spector."
"What...?"
"He wanted to... separate himself from you. He couldn't be 'Gaz' anymore. He hasn't mentioned it since."
What had he done...?
"What about... them getting married?"
"They got married. Soon after they left. I walked him down the aisle. It was the first time in a long time we saw him smile..."
"That was when you all left for that week."
"Yeah... He changed his last name to Keller, and he rarely talks about you. He... He made it clear that he still loved you and you would always be his dad. But he couldn't be around you... I was hoping you would remember him soon. See if he would want to come to the wedding..."
He drove his child away. He didn't get to be there for the wedding. He didn't walk his boy down the aisle. He didn't get to see him smile.
The bubbly, bright light in his life was gone.
Because of him.
---
I have a third part planned if anyone wants it, send the ask
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