Idk if I'm gonna be alive to see next year since my health issues are rapidly getting worse. I feel at peace with dying though. I've been trying to mentally get better but now that I'm mentally better my body is dying. I knew I'd die early some way or another. It's funny that I used to wish I was dead all the time but now that I actually want to live, I'm gonna die.
i have POTS, pseudo seizures, kidney problems, and liver problems. i even have gut issues, heart problems, hormone problems, and untreated autism. along with low vision and an eye condition called nystagmus. even on top of this. i have sensory issues and an eating disorder.
i had an endometriosis removed back in 2018. it is now 2024, i have been told it could be growing back. my lesions are all over my organs.
so don't come into my inbox saying shit when you have no idea what illnesses are beyond the human eye could see.
disrespectfully. fuck you.
Poll below but lots of talk about babies and pregnancy so using a cut!
I know my self interest is currently pregnant with Syzoth’s babies but I want more with Bi-Han which is ridiculous because I already have four with him 🙃 I don’t even like kids irl but something about Bi-Han just makes me want to have his babies. Who else wants Bi-Han’s babies?? Show of hands? This poll is purely in an ideal fictional sense where no constraints exist like for me in the real world I can’t have kids because of my heart meds, they cause miscarriages but fictional, no medical problems me can have babies. So, please keep that in mind when answering! Have fun!
Bit of a personal post. I just love that there is this new garden kinda game we have now. It makes me so happy
I used to live in the country side, and took care of gardens. But because of deteriorating health, we had to move to the city. Easier on my body, and closer to the doctors
So something small like this makes me really happy
When you are bed bound a lot, you don’t get to do much. Being able to take care of plants again is making me really happy
Especially magical plants, that grow quickly, and in my own little magical home
It’s nice. I miss this. I miss a lot of things, but you learn to appreciate small things like this
I miss being ‘alive’ if you will. But, I’m a stubborn thing. I’ll find a way, and look at that. I did, didn’t I?
My Echo + Bubble Study is scheduled for Friday August 4th and they said you usually get the results within a day. It lasts an hour so Hubbins is going to take me. Mandana will stay home.
I also just got my 7-day Holter Monitor in the mail. My doctor ordered it and it tracks your heart rate (not blood oxygen or other vitals). You can press the button to log symptoms as well so your doctor can see how your heart rate and symptoms line up. There are different kinds that can be worn for different lengths. If you’re curious, this is what mine looks like.
Usually the biggest concern for patients like me is the adhesive causing an adverse reaction and no wonder. The kit literally comes with a shaving blade, sand paper and alcohol wipes that you must use before applying. My sensitive skin doesn’t stand a chance 😩
I’ve been diagnosed with Rocky Mountain spotted fever and Alpha-gal syndrome. I’m picking up antibiotics for the RMSF that should help with the bite on my leg. I am also getting epipens in case I have a reaction. I’m getting a medication for my heart that lowers my heartbeat and helps with anxiety! My nurse said that the Rocky Mountain spotted fever can also cause joint aches. Been there before! So I have to cut red meat from my diet which I’m sad about. Some people are so sensitive that they have reactions to anything that even touches red meat so I have to bring the epipen to meals with me. Molly (my nurse) tested me for lyme’s disease, rheumatoid arthritis as well as a few other immune disorders and I was negative.
my heart monitor just said there was a malfunction and my silly goofy ass thought i was dying before i processed that it was talking about the monitor itself not my heart
Very stressed, my insurance is only covering 90% of my PET scan of my heart and requiring I pay the remaining $800 upfront. They’ve never done this before, we’ve always been able to pay them on a monthly installation. $800 out of nowhere is a fucking lot especially when $1800 just went to rent and utilities. I don’t know what to do. I’m very worried. It’s not like I can just turn down the procedure either, it’s how my doctor determines my heart is still healthy and whether or not my shitty tricuspid valve needs to be replaced again or not. He needs this information. Fuck insurance.
Update: it’s been resolved it’s just shitty and feels like extortion.
I wish there was some magic solution that could just fix my crazy heartrate. Thought it was weed but I think its been making me sick. It feels like nothing can work out. The one solution I had turned against me