#I am so disorganized...

[deoidesign]

Sorry I havent stopped thinking about them since I saw this post

[vanpalmerdefender]

van wasn’t just endlessly protective and giving with tai because they loved tai. they also were coping and had severe attachment issues because their mom literally would get drunk and look through them or fail to meet their eyes at all. van just wanted someone to look back at them, to love them, and they finally got that with tai but in the same morbid way that unhealed trauma is destined to repeat itself, van was caught in that as well with tai because half the time it wasn’t the tai she wanted and she was reliving the experience of giving giving giving in hopes of being enough to make tai be there for them too just like what they always wanted from their mom and never got.

[jerboadoesart]

hey. there's an idea i've seen tossed around for a while, and it's one that i completely subscribe to. would you like to hear why i see akizet as transcaste? because that's what's under the cut. this whole post is 2300ish words of not-so-plain not-exactly-analysis. my wordcounter predicts that this should take ~8 minutes to read if you have an average reading speed!

a few disclaimers before we begin. i don't make the claim that any of this is canon, but i do want to make the claim that it's an interesting framework to read through. it's resonated with me since i first heard it, so i'd like to share everything i could find to support it now.

additionally, this isn't about whether or not akizet would actually transition if she had the choice. while i have my own personal thoughts on that, it's not exactly the point of this. for the sake of this post, though, we're working with what we've seen in canon, what can be vaguely extrapolated from that, and that's it.

from what is seen during the game's events, obesk don't have the framework for a caste transition. if they do, it's not frequently talked about by any means - so for all intents and purposes, they don't. so this is about canon akizet, before and during the collapse, unraveling under the weight of a role she deeply contradicts.

in my reading, akizet is not a quirky vel. she doesn't consciously aspire to be a jut, but everything about how she thinks, responds, how she spirals - it all points towards a fundamental ache, something that she just can't quite align with properly, no matter how much she wishes she could.

through clinging to the role a "vel" implies so tightly, akizet is not just pretending to be something she is not - she faces friction and pushback, time and time again, for being exactly who she is at her core.

so… taking a closer look at that. akizet practically lights up when the topic of engineering is brought up. you could make a point that she's just being polite, or even that she's just generally an academic, but i'd like to argue that this is something more than that.

akizet does this constantly. she asks layered questions, tries to pick up the nuance whenever she can, and her interest is framed as more than awe. this is pure, unbridled fascination. it's not just plainly interesting - the topic resonates with her.

engineering and teaching corru is seen as mainly a job for jut. phrases about new technology are always referring to the jut who made them, stereotypes about obesk engineers are so prevalent that even the interviewer makes a mention of engineering in relation to the caste system, you get the point.

but engineering is more than a hobby to akizet. it's a sort of leak in her carefully maintained mask - a topic that takes up so much of her interest that she can't prevent it from subconsciously slipping through. she sees these impressive works of technology, and she craves that knowledge like everything depends on it.

then, though, we take a closer look at how akizet tries to portray herself. akizet feels frequent worry or discomfort when she isn't performing velness as expected. she knows how she thinks a vel should act: flippant, detatched, no-good. it's what the common idea of a vel, is, and everyone around her makes these comments, too! they're directed at others, but these things don't feel less pointed just because you're not the intended target.

while she can try to point these traits out in others and mimic that idea of a good vel, her jokes don't quite land. they're evidence that she's failing at her role, that she's breaking some rule she sees as immutable.

this isn't something she enjoys. she sees others around her who fit their roles just fine. she hears about other vel who embody it perfectly - karik's remark about how if his friend "did not play her jokes," she would die. it's intense, pervasive, and even when akizet tries to double down… she just can't get it to work.

on the other side of things, we have her relationship to jut stereotypes. akizet is near-constantly holding herself to impossible standards. these are standards that, frustratingly enough, not even the "perfect jut" who she so admires are actually managing to meet.

akizet expects herself to be perfect. she forces herself to be composed, competent, logical, and berates herself several times for falling short of this self-imposed ideal! this is a very specific idea of leadership, one that clearly isn't in line with her assigned caste's expectations.

these line up more with her view of a jut than anything. that perfection - that cold calculation she so strives for - it is not something abstract. it is a norm that's become so engrained in her worldview that she feels devastated when she feels to meet it.

akizet is, of course, not consciously trying to be like a jut. but the overlap in what she expects from herself and what she would expect from a jut is fascinating to take a look at. every time she analyzes a situation under pressure, leads her team through combat, and makes a quick decision for what she sees as right, she's acting in the way that comes most naturally to her. that is not just any performance.

does this sound familiar at all? i truly think it should. akizet's spirals, in my eyes, perfectly mirror how dysphoria manifests for transgender people here and today.

she doesn't actively wish she could be different. this is something she's somewhat averse to, in fact. but she feels deeply, inherently wrong in the role she's been cast with, and this grates at her.

she doesn't see her struggles as a sign that she has been misaligned, somehow. she sees it as proof that she is failing. failing as a leader, failing as a vel, and failing as a friend. after all, this role was assigned to her through velzie's will, was it not? so it couldn't have been an accident. this is how she is meant to be.

she sees her fundamental self as something that is broken.

let's take a moment and get sidetracked a bit. alright? we're going to take a moment to talk about akizet's belief in humorism - along with how the common belief in velzie manifests.

geli gives us a great window into this. she explains how this is a belief that have been formative. even though akizet never mentions anything about it during the embassy, it has shaped her worldview to the point that even thoughtforms with hardly any intact memories are aware of humors and what they imply.

and those implications, to me, are staggering. sure, common obesk beliefs could already be seen as deterministic. they call the living world velzie's stage, after all. that alone has its impliciations. obesk see their lives as plays, performances they put on to entertain a distant, capricious god. there are already references to certain, predetermined roles… but humorism takes this further. or would it be more appropriate to say that recent versions of the belief loosened up?

whatever the case, the learned helplessness that seems to come with humorism is extremely intense. humorists believe everyone was once a blank cavestone, that it is velzie who decides and embeds your humors. these humors decide who you are, what your fate is… they decide everything. and that includes caste.

to follow a humoristic belief is to be under the impression that these countless traits, making up who you are, are not just immutable - they are divine will. they are what velzie expects from you, what it carved in to you from the beginning. your role is something sacred to hold on to.

so, when akizet's role hurts… why would she question the system itself? she has followed this for so long that the thoughtforms branching off from her can remember it clearly, far longer than she herself does. this belief is what shaped her. this belief is what gave things in her life a sense of reason. geli states that she might have consciously chosen to shed the belief, but that doesnt mean that years upon years of holding herself to it haven't influenced her. she sees herself as having less control than anyone should, and this shadow she's caught under is suffocating her.

a failure to be the right kind of vel is a failure to live up to what her god expects. acting too much like a jut is a betrayal. and she falls back into it anyways.

it's a spiral that feeds into itself. she worries that she isn't living up to what a vel should be, and so she tries to act more silly. but this act feels wrong - she is failing to be a proper leader, she is failing to be what is expected. she cannot continue, and so she tries to lean into that coldness instead. that's jut behavior though, and she was cast as a vel…

truly, it never ends.

this point is slightly more minor, but it's one that i feel is worth making. as far as akizet is concerned, everyone else embodies their roles and caste perfectly. and why would she think otherwise? tozik seems like the perfect jut at a glance. gakvu is snarky, but it's in a silly way that everyone can respect and adapt to. she outright says that kazki is "a good tir." the only one who doesn't seem to fall under the stereotypes placed on them, as far as she's concerned, is akizet herself.

while everyone else lives comfortably in the lives they've been given, akizet is forcing herself to fit in the square hole - something that just doesn't work without chopping off pieces of herself. it doesn't work, and she scolds herself for every single missed mark.

akizet isn't entirely alone, though. she inherently reflects those who are around her, and they see her, even when she wouldn't like to think about it. time and time again, they reach for her.

gakvu and miltza both offer comfort that she can't stand to accept, making it clear that they don't see her as at fault for any of what has happened. cavik may have grown used to akizet's distance. even then, though, despite the awkwardness lingering between them both, he makes several attempts to keep close to her and show his care. kazki takes her to look at live jellyfish in the ocean for the sake of pulling her out of her shell! kazki could see that she was overworked from a mile away, and she wanted to help!

akizet is surrounded by friends who care deeply for each other, and that includes her, but that isn't something she can accept. where her friends offer concern and sympathy despie their own troubles, she sees pity. when they try to be affectionate, she sees them as though they're just fulfilling an obligation. she doesn't see herself as deserving of this - any of this - and that is what makes akizet so compelling to me.

akizet is someone who holds these roles as completely immutable truths - and thinks herself to be a failure in every sense that matters to her. she could not save everyone. she could not get her answers. and she could not fit the expectations she's been given since birth. it's something that weighs on her deeper than she can put to words.

as we get close to the end, i'd like to mention that interview again. a human interviewer asks akizet several questions. what is her basic history? what are the obesk doing here? and then… the questions about engineering.

stereotypes are so intrinsically linked with the caste system that even the interviewer remarks on it. "i know you're not exactly an engineer." and again, towards the end of that conversation!

the interviewer makes this remark without any prompting. nothing that akizet herself says implies engineering has anything to do with castes - so these norms, these expectations and unspoken rules, they must have been crucial enough to be some of the earliest established facts. akizet clearly isn't an engineer, and that's that.

and this conversation clearly frustrates her - these questions they can't answer, asked just for the sake of asking them. frankly, it reminds me of the same questions i get frustrated by as a trans person! "can you do this? what's it like as that?" it feels like you've been set up for failure, because no answer you can come up with will be what anyone's looking for. and… that's exactly how akizet feels.

alright. this has been very disorganized, and i do apologize for that. i've done my best to keep things somewhat consistent and in order, but for the sake of making this actually go somewhere before i spend ANOTHER seven straight hours on poring through screenshots, my conclusion is this.

akizet is struggling, and it isn't just with her circumstances or her personality. it's with a system that has defines who she's allowed to be, before she even had a chance to ask that herself. she lives within a structure where her role and fate are sacred, predetermined by velzie itself. when pressed against the wall, she doesn't attempt to move away - she internalizes it, believing the failure is hers.

it isn't exactly canon. in fact, i don't think it is! but to read akizet as transcaste is a way of seeing that tension as something deeply personal - to recognize a deep dissonance that countless people have felt without having the right words to put it to. it's a lens that reveals the depth of her spirals, her perfectionism, her self loathing, and the quiet grief of not being able to name what’s wrong - only that something is.

this reading resonates because it’s real. because many of us have lived it, or are still living it. and in seeing akizet through that lens, we aren’t JUST projecting - we’re recognizing.

thank you for coming to the world's least structured ted talk. enjoy a baldkizet

(i put the image thrice so it wouldn't make this even longer)

[loboazul16]

This is how these two went right?

[petrichor-moss-and-lightning]

“who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me?” i whisper to myself, knowing full well that anytime someone comes remotely near my kitchen i scramble and hide in the fucking dishwasher

[vynxwave]

12 for Soundwave, 25 for Starscream?

[Ask Game!]

12. If you could write effortlessly and as much as you wanted, what stor(y/ies) would you write for this character?

Glancing at my notes, I apparently have more art ideas than writing ideas that could be shared here.

For Soundwave, in general, I think it'd be interesting to delve into his surveillant nature — as in, his monitoring of others and keeping of secrets/information and the way he does all this to his own benefit (including manipulating and deceiving others). If he's not the POV character but another Decepticon is, it'd be cool to lean into a more unknowable, inscrutable portrayal of him — dig into the way other Decepticons fear/dislike him and their paranoia of his surveillance (maybe almost as if he's like some kind of bogeyman of the Decepticons).

Most stories I think of with Soundwave also involve Megatron, due to me shipping them. Most would likely be reflective of how I described them here.

For EarthSpark MegaSound, I seem to quite like delving into Soundwave's anger/embitterment over Megatron switching sides. The premise for that I definitely shared here — that writing in particular I doubt I'll finish due to wanting to rewrite/revise a lot of it (and it's like 10k words), so I'll more than likely just move onto other things xD. One thing I might be interested in is lovers to enemies (read: word order) although I've never really read much fitting this or written for it — by this I mean love progressively decaying into genuine hatred for all the other stands for, with no warmth left. The linked writing, although I never finished writing it proper, would not end with Soundwave accepting Megatron for who he is now x). (I do have a couple of endings roughly written, but they'd only feel right with the context of the full writing haha.)

I glanced over my Google Docs and apparently I've written like 5ish different things with Soundwave (although all incomplete, with the longest being 13k words and others being much less than that) (next things aren't those).

I've thought of a short story following the Decepticons winning a battle against the Autobots, but it's too bare-bones of an idea to share much of.

I've thought of a vampire-inspired story with Soundwave and Megatron, though neither would actually/literally be vampires (just one in one of their dreams). It'd delve into the uncertainty or perhaps subconscious fear Megatron has for having someone in his confidence as the Decepticon commander (a position that's highly coveted), yet despite this uncertainty Megatron still feels inexplicably drawn to Soundwave's companionship. With Soundwave being an incredibly dangerous Cybertronian in his own right... what's there not to admire and respect as a fellow Decepticon? Soundwave, of course, could never wish him ill, but being able to inspire such awe in Megatron, knowing Megatron only allows himself to have this uncertainty because he values Soundwave so much, Soundwave may secretly be flattered by such an intrinsic recognition of his skills/danger hah. I just love gothic lit... I recently finished reading Dracula (I caved and made a GoodReads account... I think it'll help me read faster).

In general... I really wanna write Soundwave doing some evil badassery or whatever xD. (Maybe I should start looking at some Autobots or Decepticons for him to be evil to...)

25. What kind of fanfiction do you read about this character? If you don’t read fanfics about them, why not?

I hardly ever read fics about Starscream, honestly. I have no interest in trine fanon at all and I often find his top two ships boring (or, they just don't appeal to me) xD. I also am not interested in him getting redeemed or him as a woobie... I like him proudly nasty and sadistic! "Nasty and sadistic" is the whole reason I like Decepticons so much haha.

Of him and the Seekers, I quite like pretty much every canon angle... I think Dreamwave here proposes one of my favorite angles to their dynamic. I just really like the idea of his subordinates actually quite disliking him because of how inconsiderately egocentric he is.

Often in fanfics Skywarp and Thundercracker are written as if they're his brothers and this really doesn't interest me... also Slipstream is never included 💔. "Seeker culture" or "Vosian culture" fanon always reads as quite weird to me.

I think Starscream is often written as too obviously unreasonable to me? And there'll be non-TFP fics I read and think "he reads like TFP Starscream" (that is, where the narrative posits him as inferior to others and has a heavy emphasis on his flouncing). I yearn to see him do evil and manipulate and whatever xD (guess I should write something myself then, eh?).

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

P5R Random Thoughts #3: Annoyance, Anger, and Conviction

Or, just a couple more random thoughts about Joker.

I actually do enjoy that Joker seems to sometimes get genuinely frustrated with his friends' antics - I don't know if it reads that way to anyone else, but a combination of his dialogue options and character model body language definitely reads that way to me.

He's gotten mildly annoyed with Ryuji's loudness on several occasions - often having dialogue choices that are essentially some variant of "keep your voice down!" Much as Joker feels what I suspect is quite a lot of gratitude for Ryuji's unflinching support and passion (he was his first friend in Tokyo, after all - no deal, just friendship), his dialogue options also become a lot more passive aggressive during early Kaneshiro arc - and small wonder, because Ryuji's eager carelessness actually did get them caught; thankfully by Makoto, and not law enforcement. Of course, he still cares a lot about Ryuji; I think he's just a little frustrated right now.

He's usually pretty chill with Morgana bossing him around - for what reason, I honestly couldn't tell you, but he does pretty much anything that not-cat recommends. However, when Morgana spontaneously invites Yusuke to stay with Joker without asking him, Joker kind of "!!" and looks at him. It's then followed up with everyone deciding to invite themselves to Joker's place, again, without asking him and Morgana encouraging it. The scene ends with Joker straight up elbowing/jostling Morgana in the bag after everyone's left for Leblanc. Pfft.

He tells Yusuke to hurry it up in Mementos when he gets too in the zone... and much as you can't rush an artist, they do near immediately get jumped by Shadows after that, so, you know, he does have a point.

Even with Ann, Joker frequently sweatdrops at her kind of out-there ideas of how to strengthen her heart. While I wouldn't call it annoyance, per se, there is at least one scene I can think of where two of the options straight up shut her down, and the last is basically a sarcastic "good luck with that", which Ann proceeds to take at face value as encouragement, leading to Joker sweatdropping once again. Lol.

So many of these are basically the equivalent of Joker going >:( at his friends and them typically completely not noticing which is funny as heck.

Also, because I'm the kind of person who loves to read into things, I think it can tell us a little more about Joker. What actually frustrates him here?

Drawing attention to the group in the real world - something he actively tries to avoid, at first, because of consequences for him, and then, because it puts the thieves at risk

Getting himself and the group into unnecessary trouble - so we've got two instances of Joker being mindful of potential consequences

People getting invited over without being asked first - this one's a little ambiguous as to why. Could be a simple courtesy thing, could be related to Joker's earlier obvious discomfort with people getting in his personal space without permission, could be that he likes his privacy. Personally, I suspect he's actually somewhat embarrassed and a little concerned about what his friends' reactions will be to where he's staying - I do have some reasons for this interpretation but ultimately, no matter what reason you ascribe, he's definitely not initially happy about this spontaneous invitation by Morgana.

I think we can even condense the first two and say that Joker seems to be a little more focused on outcomes and consequences than much of the rest of his group, who (before Makoto joins) very much people who act in the immediate moment. He's not quite on par with Morgana's brand of pragmatism, but he does seem to always be at least thinking ahead.

There are a few exceptions, however.

Joker's actual anger is something he is evidently not good at hiding. He has an excellent poker face, but his eyes and, apparently, the way he speaks give it away entirely. To hide his anger, he outright has to not say anything and obscure his face. That actually does not seem like someone who is especially good at hiding strong emotions, even if he can school the rest of himself.

Ann, of all people, has to make excuses for his obvious disdain towards a cop. Every single dialogue option is some flavour of snippy comment. His character model continues to stare directly at said cop, even after Ann interrupts.

He is not thinking about consequences here. Joker fucking hates cops, and he is either very bad at hiding it - or he has no desire to. A very similar thing happened with Kamoshida too. He has nothing but disdain for abusers with power and authority over those they hurt. He also outright doesn't trust the justice system at all after seeing how it failed him and so many others ("They do more than the cops" <-hello. on live tv no less.).

And this leads to something else that's actually a fairly interesting facet to his character that I'm curious to see if it'll get acknowledged in some way.

For the most part, despite the Metaverse confidence and flashiness (which I feel isn't a great metric anyways - all the thieves are like that), Joker responds to most compliments and successes by either complimenting the whole team in turn, or brushing it off as luck or not a huge deal. This is likely in part a cultural thing, but when it comes to genuine appreciation being shown, he does seem to have some semblance of humility about it all - which is why it's almost hilariously shocking how pushy he can be about helping others.

He chases after Ann because she's upset, even though initially she told him not to. He corners some of the students getting exploited by Kaneshiro and won't leave until they tell him the details, even resorting to playing into the rumours about him so that they'll talk. He overhears his confidants in some kind of trouble on several occasions and near immediately asks them about it, and then continues to bring it up if they don't elaborate. It's notable that these instances are some of the few things he decides to do himself, without Morgana's explicit encouragement. I suspect a lot of this is because he has so little faith in anyone else to do the right thing - he has no trust in the justice system, and most adults don't seem to care. But Joker cares, and he will listen to what happened, and he will do something about it, and he will help, and he does so by refusing to let up - he does not wait for someone to ask for help necessarily, he just kind of goes and does it. It's not like I can't see the rationale here, but it's also, kind of, a little bit... presumptuous, in a way.

Again, it's a fascinating contrast with his typical (at least apparent) humility, and his kind of wishy-washy dialogue from early game - Joker has always been firm about this.

The official forming of the Phantom Thieves at the buffet is a scene that really caught my eye for this. Again, much as Joker has the same level of anger as his friends, his answers are still largely "probably"s and "maybe"s. He "hadn't even considered" continuing to act as Phantom Thieves. But interestingly, there is one dialogue option that is stated with none of the usual hesitancy or vagueness - "I want to help people". <- It's the crux of his awakening. This is Joker's true conviction. And he's willing to do anything, be whoever he needs to be, to see this through. He wants to help. He can't bring himself to look away.

Asserting the Phantom Thieves' brand of justice is a conviction that arises later on through proof of the effectiveness of changing hearts, and as a natural extension of his growing familiarity and confidence in their methods. Joker nearly always needs a little push to get started, but once he gets going, he's kind of relentless. He doesn't seem to be truly all that angry with either Makoto or Akechi for their questioning of the thieves' justice (barring his initial reaction), but he does, again, get annoyed at the assumption that the thieves are somehow a threat to people who aren't inflicting harm onto others - Joker says the thieves only target "criminals", implying that even though others may see them as criminals themselves, Joker does not agree. And when Makoto winds up joining them, there appears to be no residual hard feelings from him - she's like them, and she's come around.

It's likely too soon for me to state with any certainty, but I do think that's what Joker is hoping for - that people will come around if he gives them undeniable proof that they help instead of harm. Every character has at least some "selfish" motive to being a Phantom Thief, in addition to the shared goal of providing courage for those left abandoned by society. Ryuji wants positive instead of negative attention for once, Morgana wants his memories, Ann wants to alleviate her feelings of guilt surrounding Shiho, Yusuke aims to understand the human heart, and Makoto wants to feel useful and needed. What about Joker?

He started off this story just trying to help. No one believed him. He was punished for "hurting" someone and there was nothing he could say or do that would convince anyone otherwise. It was his word against society's. And when the Phantom Thieves' motives are brought up, it's the same questions: aren't they going to hurt people? Aren't they dangerous and untrustworthy? And this frustrates Joker in a similar way to the rumours surrounding his own arrest, but now - now he has proof. Proof that they helped, proof that this works. It's undeniable, to him, that real good is coming of this. And so now he has a leg to stand on; he can actually argue his point by saying "the Phantom Thieves aren't like that; look at the people they're helping, and how the people who should've done something can't do half the good they do". It's no longer his word against the rest of the world. He's counting on people being unable to deny what they are forced to witness.

In a way, Joker now has grounds not just to plead the Phantom Thieves' justice... but also his own innocence and good intentions. His defense of their justice is also, I believe, a defense of his own ego, to an extent.

[ilumel]

extremely lazy redraw of a bad batch screenshot ft. my clone medic kell and my friend’s jedi selen (who belongs to the wonderful @suitsinclair !)

[crimeronan]

kitkat this is mean but i do at this point assume that anyone who gets mad about the aphobia episode of housemd, which is late in s8, is simply and straightforwardly racist, homophobic, intersexist, etc. like if that is the one (1) bad thing you think is worth talking about - a single, one-off episode that was admittedly terrible but nothing like the constant and unrelenting greatest bigotry hit parade that is the show as a whole - i simply don't think that is an opinion i will be listening to. THERE'S BIGGER PROBLEMS!!!!

my perspective on this is, i think, both a little kinder AND a lot meaner than yours -- i 100% think that the Vast Majority of people who never shut up about the asexuality episode have simply..... never watched house MD. like, i really think that's it. they just have not seen the show. the only thing they KNOW about the show is the asexuality episode.

in fact, i'd say that 80% of people who derail my ableism posts EXPLICITLY tag or comment some variation of, "i'd never watch this / i already knew the show was bad / this doesn't surprise me because of the asexuality episode."

so it's not like.... necessarily that they think asexuality is the Only Thing Anyone Can Ever Talk About. it's just that it's the only thing they ever HAVE seen anyone talk about. and they're parroting whatever they've heard.

without. knowing. anything. about. the show.

like. it's just that they legitimately, honest to God somehow think that the asexuality episode was DIFFERENT, and that asexuals were UNIQUELY maligned, because they Literally Have Not Watched The Source Material. and so they don't know how often it happened. to everyone. or how systemic it was. or how cruel the writers were on a constant basis.

i think that this is the truest read of all this discourse. at the very least, it's the only read that makes me Not Actively Homicidal, so it is the one i must cling to.

there are a LOT of viral posts about house MD that criticize the asexuality episode without criticizing anything else. and those DO make me raise my eyebrows, bc presumably the OPs have watched the whole show, and so i'm like. why do you seem to take issue with the asexuality stuff but Not any of the other stuff.

BUT. if i am being good faith and nice to people... i figure it's, like, Ffffine.... for asexual people to make their own posts about house MD. since i am making my own posts about ableism in house MD. talking about one thing is fine. even if it makes me raise my eyebrows. bc as you said, it's one ep late in season 8 that sucks but. is not, uh. it's not the core of the show.

it DOES vex me that discussion of the treatment of asexuality gets SOOOO MUCH MORE VIRAL TRACTION HERE than any discussion of ableism, but it doesn't surprise me, exactly... about 50ish percent of this website is ace (last i knew?), and a MUCH smaller percentage is chronically ill. and on top of that, sooo many chronically ill ppl exist in a weird space with criticism of house MD in the first place, because he's the Pain Blorbo who's a Sick Doctor, he's like the only ornery bitchy chronic illness representation a lot of people have experienced, and that often Means Things to ppl with chronic illness. and so sometimes they feel Weird And Uncomfortable acknowledging that the show is also, um. really really reaaaalllyyyyy mean and cruel.

and just generally. not great. to us.

so. the posts about ableism..... don't circulate. at least not outside of very specific chronic illness circles. bc you have to be Nuanced about the chronic illness stuff, there's a lot of Uncomfortable Feelings involved, and the asexuality stuff is MUCH more straightforwardly terrible ragebait, which is very easy to get mad about & reblog with tags about how you are mad.

With All Of That Said.

i DO think that if people read a post that's being critical of how house MD hurts disabled/chronically ill people, or they read a post about any of the other many many many Many evil bigoted episodes in the series, and their ONLY takeaway is to type, "well, i knew it was bad because i heard about the asexuality thing!"

....i DO think that is thoughtless and cruel. and i do think that people should stop doing that.

and i have locked numerous posts because of people doing that.

and if people start doing that in my notes again, i will be instablocking and possibly locking more posts. because. please.

you do NOT have to say, "i already knew it was bad because X," or, "did you know it was also bad about X??" when the post is not about X. i was not talking about X. i agree that X is bad, but i would like to talk about Y right now, and this kind of smug kneejerk "i consume media the right way <3 i know that it's bad when it's bad" response makes it.... impossible.

like. i am being Earnest As Fuck about ableism and my own life experiences and the horrific structural inequality/oppression/violence/etc in the medical system. it's written about a TV show, but it's not Actually About A TV Show. you know?? my thoughts about house MD are my thoughts about The Actual Real Life Medical System and Actual Real Life Doctors. I'm Trying To Say Something Important .

now is NOT the time for, "oh, yeah, and the asexuality episode was bad!"

NOOOO..... FOCUS ON THE WORDS I JUST SAID INSTEAD. BLEASE,

[aroace-ed]

is it so much to want to be offered something instead of having to ask? i know if i were to ask my friends for help, they would probably say yes given that it didn't infringe on their time. is it so wrong to want it to infringe on their time? i would let them infringe on my time. i feel overly selfish and i hate that. they have lives. who am i to dictate who they hang out with and why? i hate how i feel. i hate the constant fear that i'll get forgotten, shoved aside for someone else. i said it in one of my first posts, and i'll repeat over and over again, but i want to be important to someone, and i hate that it might not come in the way i want it to.

[scalpelsister]

dark justiciar shadowheart is genuinely so interesting to me as like... a facet to her character. like it really hammers home how desperate she is for shar's love and affection (+ the validation and love from other worshipers of shar). like in a lot of ways I get that it seems shocking to others / some fans because it really does contradict some of the morals we see her express BUT imo that just speaks to the level of desperation she feels. her comments on how shar "must" love her for her to survive the shadowcursed lands, or the bit where she talks about shar nurturing her and loving her and sounds... almost more like shes trying to convince herself more than shes trying to convince you. theres a bit about other sharrans not thinking she had earned her name, and of course the mother superior not thinking she was ready / worthy of being a dark justiciar. like shes just so completely desperate to feel unconditionally and securely loved, and to earn the approval of others that shes entirely willing to injure herself in the process (as well as.... the people who actually love her, of course).

not to mention that mechanically, afaik, she can only end up there if shes encouraged to by the player. ie... she needs to know someone else approves.

[moe-broey]

In At Least Three Universes, You and I Are Friends

[vanityangel]

"Jacob Fatu is what WWE always wanted Solo Sikoa to be." The same 5 songs. The same 5 songs. Wrestling fans, they play the same 5 fucking songs. Anyway, this is my incredibly long-winded rant about wrestling fans and Solo Sikoa's character.

To me, I think if Solo Sikoa was presented just like Jacob Fatu is now it would make zero fucking sense to his character. Even, or especially, to the parts they haven't really touched on much yet. Jacob is immediately presented to us as cold, emotionless (except like. anger.), a monster incapable of morals. He tears apart whatever stands before him without thought, just destruction in its purest form. As though this is just who he is and how he always has been. Solo wasn't always completely cold and merciless, not in NXT and not when he first joined The Bloodline. He was very closed off, but he was still human. There was still warmth to him. He still gave respect to his peers who he felt earned it, laughed and joked, he made friends or at least allies he was willing to trust enough to team up with. Solo wasn't a lost soul. He slowly became more "emotionless" in time after joining The Bloodline. The more he was left alone around Roman. And big notable moment of shift in his demeanor is when Sami left. Even when Jey at the time HATED Sami and Roman was still demanding him to prove his trust, Solo took to this weird little guy anyway. They became an odd couple pair. If Solo was always presented like Jacob, his progression into becoming so frustrated at Roman that he started to raise his voice and yell at him would have been nothing worth noting. Solo was quiet, Solo was calm. Solo operated like a machine; he took orders with seeming no regard to his own feelings on the matter and thus no expected pushback. Jacob is so like a ticking timebomb with everyone always on edge when he will explode. So chaotic and dangerous that even when he displays undying loyalty people expect him to pushback at any order at any given moment. Unhinged and unable to be leashed. Jacob is reactive. Solo was not. As Roman's enforcer, if Solo ever did seem to have his own opinion on something, he would look thoughtful and considering but kept it to himself. He has started off more vocal in the beginning, carrying into when he joined The Bloodline, but over time he retreated into a shell. He said nothing more than what was needed to be said. Despite being a family outcast Solo was brought to the main roster by the Elders orders, then acknowledged Roman without hesitation. Even when he propped himself as Tribal Chief he stated he would acknowledge Roman as the rightful Chief if he were to take the Ula Fala back, as if Roman had to earn it. Though where Solo's loyalty lies is always unclear, a loyalty no one can return in kind to him, he still seems to have his own idea of being loyal and earned respect. A system he believes. And Solo still has a vulnerability to him, one he even weaponizes. For Jacob's very debut Solo fell to the ground, pleading, eyes wide and doe-like enough to create pause before breaking into a maniacal laughter. Even talking about how the streets hardened him in his early NXT promos he had a vulnerability. A "hurt people hurt people" type who still seemed stung at being left behind and going forward is trying to prove his worth, that he does have value, to the very people who discarded him. He can bring gold to the family, he can keep them at the top no matter the sacrifice. What's best for the family above self. Jacob is unpredictable because no one knows what will set him off. Solo is unpredictable because no one knows which face is sincere. Solo and Jacob are not interchangeable.

[lifemod17]

HAPPY WASTELAND, BABY! DELUXE TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE!!!

spoiler free rambling below the cut

I was one of the few people who was lucky enough to have avoided any spoilers from this song when it was leaked right after the NYC listening party- it was actually one of the main reason why I avoided tiktok and twitter for a while... yall. I prepared myself for this song BUT. IT REALLY DIDN'T HELP. I AM SO VERY UNWELL.

It fits SO PERFECTLY with the theme of Wasteland, Baby! and I want to throw hands with Andrew for just letting this sit in a folder in a laptop but I can forgive him because it's out now.

I LOVE that it sounds imperfect, like he gets into these off-kilter flows and runs, but it's deliberate?!! AND IT WORKS WELL.

2019 Hozier, YOUR PEN GAME!?!?!!! SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IT IS SO GOOD. i need to process these lyrics more tomorrow when I'm more awake cuz OH BUDDY it hurts.

Wasteland, Baby! is such a beautiful album and I hope his new fans will get to appreciate it just as much as Unreal Unearth: Unheard now that the deluxe/special edition is here

[habitina]

would like to share this one footnote on a kainess fic i will never finish because i will never finish it

[kittygawa--jr]

:/