#I am supposed to be writing some research plan for my studies what am I doing-

[yutoxlab]

Courtesy of @teeny-human's idea

[octuscle]

Hey there! I work as a therapist and a few of us were starting to think of the clinical applications of chronivac. We were wondering if you wanted to work together to develop some presets that our clients could use to de-stress and take a break from their stressful lives. I know we have one stressed out university student who could benefit from something like this.

At Chronivac, we are always interested in collaborating with research institutions. After all, Chronivac is not used just to have fun. It is already being used for the treatment of various physical illnesses and also for resocialization projects. The use in the psychotherapeutic field would be new, but sounds interesting according to the research and development department. If the student they are talking about is available as a guinea pig, perhaps send us a requirements profile for a transformation. And we'll see what we can do….

Research Diary Timothy Walker

Day One: My psychotherapist tells me that my burn-out syndrome has progressed to the point that continuing my business studies is out of the question at this point. In fact, I am having a hard time concentrating. Writing this report is causing me great difficulty; my attention span is only a few minutes. Therefore, an experimental therapy has been decided with the psychology faculty, which is connected with a semester off for me. Under certain circumstances, the semester can be counted as an internship. Everything is fine with me. I am just tired. The work on the research diary was exhausting for me. I need to lie down.

Second day: I slept very well. No wild nightmares as usual. I woke up briefly once or twice at most, but went right back to sleep. Michael, who is in charge of the project as pysiotherapist, thinks that this would be a good starting point to work on my physical fitness. We both went running for an hour. I'm exhausted, I haven't moved that much since I started studying. But I feel good. Made myself a real breakfast for the first time in months according to my new nutrition plan. I'm supposed to spend the rest of the day walking on the beach. Let's see if that clears my head.

Third day: Before Michael came for the training session, I was already in the gym for an hour. I'm really enjoying the physical activity. The beach walk yesterday was great. And Michael was thrilled to see the progress I'm making in terms of fitness. Had the first session with my creativity coach today. Seems a little silly to me. But imagining what I would be doing if I weren't studying business was fun. But I have to admit, my head isn't really getting creative yet. At least writing the diary is already much easier for me.

Day four: I need new challenges. The beach run with Mike is fun, but it's not a sport. That's warming up. We discussed that I would go running alone for an hour tomorrow and that we would meet in the gym of the therapy center. I'm supposed to come without a T-shirt. Mike wants me to learn to love my body. To be honest, I already do. I've already jerked off twice today. And think about sex a lot more than usual. Mike also comes in the process. My creative trainer is also quite cute, but he's too skinny for me. I like men who have a lot of muscle on them.

Fifth day: Fuck, the workout with Mike is awesome! I love the gym from the first minute. Yes, the beach feels my home. But the gym is the place that prepares me for that home. Working out shirtless makes the workout even more intense. i can't get enough of Mike's and my sweat beading on our pecs. But I'm so horny. All the time. During the creative training with Kev it just bubbled out of me today. I would so love to be a lifeguard. Maybe not all the time. But on vacation. And on the weekends. The idea made me even hornier. Poor Kev. He's not my type, but I had to nail him during practice. No idea when I last had sex. but this first time in a long time was incredibly intense. Thank God Kev felt the same way….

Day six: Today is uh free day at da therapy center. Mike n kev are already down at da beach, I wanted to pump up da muscles beforehand. I'm looking forward to da sea n da sand. Both make my head so free. Although I wouldn't feel like my head wuz overly full right now anyway. Pumping, fucking, jogging n swimming. That's really all I'm thinking about right now. Kevin says that I certainly wouldn't have to worry about da practical entrance exams for lifeguards. But I shouldn't underestimate da theory. Shit, studying sucks. But I guess it haz to be.

Day seven: I like it when I have da early shift. Da routine of opening da station is relaxing, da beach is still quiet, da few guests are usually relaxed n in uh gud mood. Wuz one of da best ideas of my life to take uh semester off n work as uh lifeguard. My pal mikey told me to lay off this crappy journal. Somehow I thought it wuz important until now. I can't remember why, either. Anyway. Da main thing is that da surf is gud. Den you can have some fun with da surfers afta work. Hehehehe…

[dangerously-human]

Still fighting for my life with tuition benefit stuff, in case anyone was wondering. I would like to submit my request for this semester, but we're still duking it out over last semester because of a problem from over a year ago and I don't want to swing at two hornet nests at once, so. Took every single dollar out of my savings account to pay tuition for this semester and am just praying I can get reimbursed before another rent check needs to go out (and Lord willing, my car won't need massive repairs at inspection this year). I'm doing an actual research study for my mixed methods class this semester, and the professor keeps saying she's fine with giving us an incomplete so we have another year to wrap it up in order to actually get something meaningful out of it. I finally talked to her last night to explain that I cannot afford to take another incomplete and ask how I could do a legitimate study on such a condensed timeline. Thankfully she was understanding and came up with an idea I think will work, since it involves basically just doing the quantitative portion under an existing protocol at work and a qualitative portion that doesn't count as human subjects research, so I don't have to deal with an IRB pissing contest between institutions, nor the debatable ethics of collecting data without compensating people for their time, given that it's unfunded research (and I really can't afford to pay people out of pocket when I'm already paying through the nose to be in this class in the first place). I'm still reworking my research plan, but I do feel a lot better about this in comparison to my plan as of last week, which would have required either submitting to both IRBs (and my work IRB is notorious for having different standards than most, and they/the data lawyers that often end up getting involved move slowly in this kind of situation) or submitting twice to my university IRB, once per phase.

Anyway, dealing with all of this today had me looking at what I really have left to do before I graduate. I'm halfway through the program now, though it feels like I've done way more. After I'm done with this class, which meets my advanced methods requirement (although round 2 of statistics probably did too), I have to eventually go back and take the foundations of the program course that was a scheduling conflict my first semester and somehow hasn't been offered since; another research apprenticeship (I'll probably write another manuscript, ideally one that's already been in progress for a bit at work - if I can get a loan, maybe I can do that this summer with my brief report I'm first authoring); plus two electives, which I was hoping to concentrate on measure design but would also happily do more advanced statistics courses if I'm allowed to take them through the school of psychology (I've tapped out the school of ed on that score). I guess I should ask if I'm allowed to say my job counts as an internship, which from the course catalog it looks like it should, but idk. Theoretically that puts me graduating... fall '25? Maybe? I could go so much faster if it weren't for the financial aspect. I do have to meet with an advisor at some point, but I still don't have one at the moment (again), which really seems like a problem for future me to figure out. But future me before May, because I think I'm still recorded as supposed to graduate this semester, even though it's been clear from the beginning that I was not a full-time student. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

They really do make this grad school thing as complicated as possible, don't they?

[the---hermit]

29|06|2022

10/30 days of self care

Today I decided to do all the things I had been putting off due to anxiety. It was a great mix of productivity and self care because I now feel way better. I got an appointment to go to the archives again, and then I did a bit of research on how I am supposed to apply for my master's degree next year, since I am graduating when the school year will have started already. I also checked a couple of technical informations on how to formally request to graduate. I am really happy I got that out of my to do list, because now I have a few less anxiety inducing tasks. As soon as the courses will be published I also plan on creating a study plan for my first year, so that it will also be easier for me to plan what I have to do to finish my thesis in September and October. In the afternoon I went back to my normal tasks, and I continued writing the first chapter of my thesis. I also practiced Irish on duolingo and worked in my bullet journal a bit. Self care things I did today:

read first thing in the morning (finished reading Caravaggio by E. Anderle)

accomplished the tasks I was anxious to do

washed my hair and used an hair mask (while listenting to some music to put me in a good mood)

tranquilstudy's studyblr challenge // day 14

Have you ever done a productivity challenge? Were you successful?

I have! I did the 100 days of productivity challenge two or three times. Actually I started this blog with the intent of doing this type of challenge to motivate me, and it worked amazingly. I have been thinking about doing one again, but I opted to postpone it once I will start my new courses in autumn!

[noturprobiem]

I am convinced that people will hate me if I post anything but a part of my writing project so here it is

These are two parts from my future hualian fic from the first chapter. It has spooky elements, beware.

Six years ago Xie Lian swore to never step foot in this cursed building, and yet here he was. The place hasn't changed a bit since he left. Pale blue walls, white tile floors and heavy doors made out of metal were more familiar to him than his own house. He used to come here at six in the morning and leave at the dead of night, reporting every flickering light on his way to the exit. Flickering lights were a bad sign in a place like this. Everything was a bad sign in a place like this.

The corridors were always coated in eerie silence. No natural light could get inside, so it was impossible to know what time of day it was. There used to be a clock on the wall, but it didn't last. It wasn't a good idea to have fragile objects out in the open, especially near Xie Lian. The doors weren't labeled, but there were small differences between them. Some had dents, some were scratched, some melted in places. Since Xie Lian left, the door to his office got changed, and now it looked almost too good compared to the other ones.

He hesitated in front of the door. Then sighed and pressed his id card to the scanner. It opened without a sound.

[...]

Xie Lian flipped through the files while they were talking, only taking note of the name given to the entity. He didn't like reading what other people saw before going into an encounter. Sometimes researchers overlooked important evidence because they focused only on details that were mentioned in the reports they read. From his experience, everyone would meet an entity differently, and you should first see what's your relationship with it before judging the danger levels. So, he immediately planned an expedition to the place of the latest reported blood rain.

Spending the night on a train wasn't anything new for him. No matter how long they've studied the entities’ ability to bend space and time they never came even close to replicating them, so trains it was. Some especially risky ones, like Shen Yuan's big brother, would attract the entity's attention for this, but then no one could guarantee that you'll ever arrive anywhere.

It was pitch black outside. Sometimes you could see pale lights through the dirty glass and every time it made Xie Lian's heart jump in his chest. Sometimes it looked just like…

Xie Lian was seventeen when an entity known as The Stalker found him. He was always considered a promising student, teachers painted for him a career in physics or chemistry, a bright future in academia. Instead, he first got into a university building as a lab mouse. All because something put its eye on him.

It was easy to ignore at first. A flash of light here and there. A sound from a room where no one was supposed to be. A laugh somewhere in the dark. Catching movement with the corner of your eye only to see that it's just an illusion. Trivial things, and stress only made them happen more. And then he started waking up in the dead of night, convinced that something was watching him. Something was breathing lightly in the corner. Something moved. It was a silly thing to be afraid of for a nearly eighteen year old, of course, so he didn't bring it up. Even when that fear manifested in the form of sleep paralysis, a pale white mask looking at him from the ceiling in the dark and silent room, its texture a mix of human skin and silicon, its eyes bottomless pits of ink, it was just because of stress. Exams were approaching, after all.

First time he went to the doctor was after the demon appeared in his kitchen. It was hard to call what he saw a human face, but it was clearly imitating one. It was glowing, only two empty eye sockets and a smiling mouth remaining. Xie Lian froze in place, not daring to look away. The creature slowly melted, dissolving in the darkness. But it didn't disappear. Xie Lian knew it was there, always watching, always following, just not visible now.

His Laoshi, Mei Niangqing, found him pretty quickly. He promised Xie Lian answers and a job in the Institute if only he let them study what made him «special». He agreed with no hesitation, hoping to get rid of the creature, who became progressively more violent with every passing day. None of them knew how much the situation was going to escalate.

Despite his anxiety, the calming rhythm of train wheels hitting the rails slowly lulled Xie Lian to sleep.

[mabsolgirl]

Headphone warning

Transcript below! :3

I made this a while ago, around when I first started making art of the Supernova AU AU. There have been some slight changes since then but I wanted to post this anyway since its been just sitting in my drafts and starting to get dusty. The changes aren't enough to alter anything in the audio in a major way anyway so neeeeh.

It's been a while since I did voice stuff so hopefully I don't sound terrible lol

Obligatory @linxprime ping cause au of their au

Watch me pull world lore outta my ass cause I still don't know what im doing

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In the ruins of a crashed and destroyed ship, you find a strange audio file labeled "Project Supernova". You made a copy of it and now you have the time to give it a listen...

--------------------

Transcript

Warning. The following video is the private property of [REDACTED]. Any outside or uncertified personnel caught viewing this video will be terminated by any means necessary. Viewer discretion is advised.

Log 1.

I am Dr. Jane Doe and I’ve recently been put in charge of “Project Supernova” after the old one quit. I decided to keep audio documentations of my findings and observations. I find it easier for me to document things by recording them by audio then writing it all out later.

Project Supernova is a study on the abilities of intelligent lifeforms, how they manifest, if different abilities can be manifested in specific situations, and researching the phenomena of Berserkers. Before I came in, an embryo was successfully fertilized and grown into a stable state. There were many failed attempts with this being the only one that has made it this far, living for roughly 12 years as of this recording. To be honest I question the decision to make a lifeform rather than study the cases of people who already have abilities, but the higher-ups wanted to do this rather than the simpler way.

Regardless it is planned to come out of the tube once it reaches 13 years, which is a couple months away. It should be stable enough by then. Until then we monitor it for any changes.

End log.

Log 2.

Right, so I forgot to mention info about the lifeform last log. My bad, heheh.

So, the lifeform is female and it was made with the DNA of multiple organisms with the two primary ones being Human Earthling and Cuixcus. I think I pronounced that right. Cuixcus was used for their adaptability and Human Earthlings to counteract the weaknesses of the former. It has bones, can withstand hotter temperatures, and while it doesn’t need to, it does breathe oxygen. The DNA from other organisms were used to help stabilize it so it doesn’t just die spontaneously. The genetics chosen specifically to see if heritage has an influence on what abilities would appear.

Now the real reason I am logging this. Earlier today it was monitored that specs of light were floating around the lifeform’s tube. They looked so… ethereal. It was like looking at a cluster of tiny stars. I should probably mention that the lifeform is in an unconscious state. It has been like this since its creation and this was the first time these lights were documented. They disappeared before we could study them. Maybe it dreamt them up? We’ll have to keep an eye on it.

End log.

Log 5.

Today it came out of the tube, emphasis on “it”. We weren't supposed to take it out for another week but I guess it had other plans. One second it was in the tube, the next the lights appeared again and it was out and fell face-first into the equipment. It teleported itself out.

Since it wasn’t connected to the machines anymore it woke up quickly after that. Of course we were all freaking out but it didn’t seem too bothered by us. We ran some tests and it was stable. It bruised its head but other than that it wasn’t significantly injured.

It’s a very curious one. It would grab and inspect what we had. We let it for the most part and it would hand us back what it had when it was done. Right now it’s in its own room that we had to quickly scramble to finish putting together. It’s a quiet little one. The team and I decided on the name “Nova” after the project. As per usual we’ll keep an eye on it.

End log.

Log 27.

A lot happened today. Today is the first day Nova went into her Berserker state. The first thing I noticed was that she was much calmer than I expected. I expected a rampaging beast like the other cases of Berzerkers but Nova would just… stare at us. We kept an eye on our monitors to watch to see what she does and then we watched her create light orbs; like the ones from one of my first logs but much bigger. This time we were able to scan them to see what exactly they were…

They’re stars. I am not joking, she was making literal stars, balls of collapsed burning gas, in her hands! From our observations they disappear when she loses focus but still incredible nonetheless! We later figured out the key piece to what her abilities are: a limited form of matter manipulation. She can teleport herself, and those she touches, by willing her own matter into another space and the stars are made by manipulating the matter of gas and dust to collapse in her hands. It is theorized she can manipulate any form of matter so long as physical contact is made.

After a while she went out of Berserker state and fell unconscious. We hooked her up to make sure she’s alright. Right now she’s comatose; we’re hoping she comes back alright.

End log.

Log 39.

Earlier today one of the higher-ups came in and told us that we were not needed on Project Supernova anymore and that in the coming days a new team would be coming in to take over the project. Of course we were outraged. We were consistently giving them good results! We did what we were told! We did nothing wrong, didn’t question a thing. Nothing we said could convince him otherwise. None of us wanted to leave the project. I’ll admit, Nova has grown on us. She’s like family and now for some reason she’s being taken from us. When he left we all decided to look into it ourselves.

The more we dug, the more things began to not add up. Then… we found something. We’re not here to do what we think we’re doing. We’re gonna get Nova out of here. This place is no longer safe. We’ll get her out and we’ll be the whistleblowers to this place.

End log.

Log 40

…I’m… I’m sorry…

Dr. Jane Doe, Dr. Bailey Shindo, Dr. Margoba Entano, Dr. Manbagea Nals, and Dr. Ripley Hedon have been terminated. Project Supernova assets will be transported to [REDACTED] for further completion by a new team effective immediately. End communication.

[mr-entj]

i am an intj and 18, it's my second year in uni and my major is overall promising (engineering with focus on nano, 3d and powder technologies (not going in depth with this one)). after graduating i'll be able to work in various fields, from medicine to metallurgy. anyways, the problem is that the way most my subject are being taught is unbelievably boring (not good for my adhd) plus i missed out on some of them (high math and physics mostly) due to stress and overall depressed mood (war in my country + no friends + really tough family situation abuse etc). now, even though i missed out, i know that lots of people did the same and still graduated and now have high paying jobs, and therefore i can too, but i am really anxious about not understanding some of new material due to lacunas in my knowledge. i plan to catch up on some of it during summer but i am pretty sure that till june all my determination will evaporate, and i will continue resenting my choice of major (originally wanted to choose linguistics but didn't work out). another thing is that i don't want to be doing one thing my whole life, i want to be well versed in multiple unrelated fields (from writing and acting and art to history social studies linguistics and architecture). my question is, how to find that spark/motivation again? how to combine all the things i am interested in so i learn a bit of each and when should i do that, now or later in life? i suppose if i graduate and get a good job i can go back to learning again in free time. i also want to get out of this house as soon as possible, so i need to either really put efforts into successfully graduating or start looking for part time jobs to save up money (i doubt i will be able to do both at once). one idea i had for part time is to start an etsy shop as i have original ideas and means to execute them (but there is a risk of failing which i am perhaps more afraid of than i should be).

may you please give me an advice on my situation? sorry if this ask is too messy and thank you for reading it

For starters, I'd rethink your MBTI type. I'm confident you're not an INTJ and I wouldn't use any INTJ descriptions to guide your thought process. Based on your writing style, I'd look closer at descriptions of INTPs and INFPs.

Next, there's a framework I use to break down problems and solve them. It can be applied to basically everything in life. For your situation, it looks something like this:

Step 1: Define. What are the goals you want to achieve? Do you want to move out? Do you want to graduate college? Do you want to study something that interests you? What are the end goals? What does your ideal life look like in a few years at the point where you can breathe easily?

Step 2: Prioritize. Of the goals you've defined, which are most important? Example: #1 priority is to graduate college, #2 priority is to be financially independent and move out, #3 is to study something that interests you.

Step 3: Plan. For priority #1, what are all the things you need to do to graduate college? Are there faster ways to graduate and get a great paying job? Do research on which classes to take, community college credits, etc. Attach timelines to them.

Step 4: Execute. Do it. Self-explanatory. What did you learn from carrying out your plan? What worked and didn't work? Are there any new and exciting insights you know now that you didn't know before?

Step 5: Measure. Are you happy? Did achieving your goals bring you the life you wanted? If not, go back to step 1 and restart the process. Iterate until you get it right.

Unless your family is rich, I'd argue that college isn't for learning, college is a financial commitment in exchange for skills training, credential gathering, and network building to get a job with a positive return on investment (ROI). If you want to learn-- go to a library. You can learn without college. Go on YouTube, go on Google, go on ChatGPT, etc. and learn for free.

Know your priorities and execute based on the most important ones.

[spiderling-space]

Am I rushing to write all planned chapters? Yup! I am!

This Wanda will be a mix of comics/cartoons/MCU with my twist. OMG This was the longest chapter. +4,3k words!!!

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Afterword

What if MC is Wanda Maximoff aka Scarlet Witch? - Part 4

Time flew past as Wanda both tackled personal research and NRC studies and soon, it was the time for the finals of the terms. 

Since she had a lot to look up to, she only studied for the lessons that were useful to her such as the history of Twisted Wonderland. She learnt that the Hades that Ignihyde was based on wasn't the one she knew. This one was blue instead of red but they worked similar regarding making deals. She thought to ask the person who was the most likely to know about him later on. At that moment, she knew about Hades of Twisted Wonderland enough.

She also learned  The God of Chaos ' name there was Eris which was unfamiliar to her. However, Eris also had a book on Twisted Wonderland. While she wasn't able to recall the exact name of the book she saw in her memories, she knew it was written by  The God of Chaos  and she needed it.

While her classmates struggled with spells, Wanda was able to wish anything into reality so spellcasting and potion lessons didn't take much of her effort. She was also more in control of her powers now.

However, her knowledge and talent wouldn't make her pass the exams so she used her mind-reading powers during the exams and passed with flying colours. Although, the same couldn't be said for her friends. She thought they studied hard on their own but turned out that they made a deal with Azul just like many other students.

Her friends except for Jack who studied by himself had anemone on their heads. Azul was making everyone work for him for free thanks to the deals he made.

Truthfully, Wanda didn't care if they had a study guide. It meant they actually studied for exams unlike her. Of course, any logical person would want the best outcome with minimal effort. If the guides they got at the NRC were so well then her friends just like many others wouldn't want a proficient guide from Azul.

She was just annoyed with them for not reading their contracts. She wasn't going to meddle with their affairs until Dire blackmailed her. If only she knew how to shift the matter into the things she wanted or created food out of thin air. She promised herself to work on it, hoping that she could do it with her exponentially improving powers.

Jack and Wanda went to the root of the current problem, Azul but they found the twins at the cafeteria. The twins were giving off a suspicious aura. One didn't need to be an empath or mind reader to know that they were manipulating the conversation in a way they wanted. Floyd seemed aloof but he was as smooth as Jade in turning the conversation in their favour. They suggested Wanda make a deal with Azul to save her friends who basically begged Wanda to do it.

Since Wanda just wanted to get over it so she agreed to meet with Azul. Yet, when they arrived, Azul was nowhere to be seen and the twins asked Wanda and Jack to work as Mostro Lounge was overflowing with customers and there weren't an adequate number of waiters. Jack agreed to it while Wanda refused at first. Then she agreed for she was going to use this opportunity to practice her levitation magic. If it didn't work then good for her. If it worked, then she would be of help to her friends.

At first, she was slow and some orders were inaccurate or a mess. Floyd seemed to have fun watching her make a mess. She slowly made fewer mistakes. She didn't even look at where the order was supposed to go. She just thought of it and it levitated towards the target.

When the rush hour died down, Azul appeared and asked Wanda and Jack to come over to his VIP Room. The first thing both Jack and Wanda noticed was the giant vault at the back of the desk. "Look at that huge vault... It's like some kinda bank." Wanda rolled her eyes at the obvious safe.

Wanda knew that Azul wouldn't release her friends right away. If he had that plan on his mind, he would have done it already so she cut the chase. "Both Jade and Floyd suggested I make a deal. Given everything happened so far, I know you want to make a deal with me. Just tell me what you want in return."

Azul acted offended at first, he dramatically sighed, "To think you consider me this way," he sighed again whilst Wanda arched her eyebrow. Then he chuckled, "You want to make a deal with me? I am honoured." He formed a contract with his magic and laid it in front of Wanda and Jack. "Since I'll free your friends, you need to give me something in return. I bid you pilfer a certain photograph from the Atlantica Memorial Museum in the Coral Sea before the sun sets on the third day from now." Wanda was reading the contract when Azul continued, "Considering the big ask you're making of me, I would need considerable collateral." Jack asked what it was. A faint smirk adorned Azul's face, "I want your power as collateral, Wanda."

He looked so smug about it as if he knew she couldn't say no to save her friends. Jack was flabbergasted but he understood it was Azul's plan all along.

Wanda chuckled at first, then couldn't contain her laughter. Both Azul and Jack were surprised to see her reaction. Jack expected to see her angry whereas Azul expected desperation from her. Neither thought she would laugh out loud yet she found the situation quite amusing. 

Give him a taste of your powers just like you did before... The Voice spoke once again. Her memories about a witch wanting her powers were surfacing in her mind.

"You reminded me of someone," Wanda said as she raised her hand in front of her, slowly moving her fingers. A small magenta sphere formed in her hand and she moved it along with her fingers as if she was rolling a coin with her fingers. She was focusing on her hand as she spoke.  "She wanted to own my powers too. Do you wish to know what happened to her?" Her gaze fell upon Azul as she finished.

Azul was taken aback by Wanda's reaction and her chilling gaze. The aura around her shifted completely. Wanda could sense his doubt and anxiety, which made her smile wider and make Azul feel more uncomfortable. Jack was also startled by the sudden change in Wanda's behaviour and voice.

Azul coughed twice before fixing his composure. "You can tell me after we sign the contract." Wanda heeded him no mind.

"You want my powers?"Wanda spoke again, her voice sounding deeper than usual. Jack and Azul were startled by the sudden change in Wanda. They both saw the magenta mist covering more and more of Wanda's arms.

"Wanda, calm d-" Jack tried to evaluate the situation. "I understand your hesitation but you will have your powers back if you complete your end of the bargain." Azul tried to reason with it. He planned to coerce her more but seeing Wanda's eyes glowing pink made him stop in his tracks.

The magenta mist became more visible around her right hand while an energy sphere was forming in her palms. "Take it." Wanda said softly before sending an energy ball at Azul. The magenta mist covered his chest as he was sent back flying to the wall, flipping the couch he was sitting on. "You want more?" Wanda asked rhetorically as she formed another energy sphere with her left hand. "It's all yours..." She blasted him again, causing Azul to scream in pain.

She suddenly appeared in front of Azul as if she teleported a few metres, "The last person who tried to take my powers lost all of her powers at my will. She couldn't even remember who she was after I was done with her. Do you still want my powers?"

Azul was coughing, overwhelmed by the sheer power of Wanda. Hearing the commotion inside Floyd, Jade and Grim burst in. All were shocked to see Azul sitting on the floor, leaning back against the wall. "Stop." The moment that word left her mouth, both Jade and Floyd stopped in their tracks, couldn't move an inch.

Wanda looked at her hands, all of her fingers and a small portion of her hands turned dark grey-black. Just like the last time... She thought, observing them a bit before turning her attention back to Azul.  "I am a reasonable woman, Azul. I don't think you want my powers anymore."  She asked softly, raising her left eyebrow.

"N-no," Azul answered between coughs. Wanda hummed in response. She placed her hands in front of him. Her magic in magenta mist form flowed from his body to her hands, restoring her power and the original colour of her hands. She twirled her hand and the cough came back to its original state.  "You can move now."  She said to free the twins. Grim also rushed to her side as she sat where she was sitting before.  "Here is my offer. Based on your study guide and exam score, I take it you know a lot of things. Do you know the name of the book written by The God of Chaos?"

Azul gave her a look containing distaste and fear. He cleared his throat and sat back in his original place. "The Book of The Damned?"

That's it... The Voice spoke. "Yes, aren't you smartass, hmm?" Wanda answered. "I will do as you ask, retrieve that photo. In return, you will bring me that book. Given your knowledge and connections, it will be easy for you. As for collaterals for each of us, you can have Ramshackle. In case, you don't hold your end of the bargain, I will destroy all of your contracts and make you live your nightmares over and over again. Deal?"

Azul hesitated. He would get what he originally wanted before the twins told him that Wanda could mind-read. Also, he thought she didn't know where his contracts were. Plus, he doubted her threat about nightmares. Still, he was considering what else he could take advantage of.

Seeing him take too long to answer, Wanda added, "If you don't accept it now, I will take the shortcut to end this bullshit. I'll blast open your vault and destroy all of your contracts."

Azul and the twins were startled at Wanda's claim. He had to divert her attention from the vault. "Do you seriously th-"

Wanda cut him off, this situation was wearing her patience thin. "Although it doesn't take a genius to figure out you keep your most valued possessions in your vault, let me give some information about me. Back in my world, I was a part of a team. One of my team leaders was like an older sister to me. Her former profession was being a master assassin and world-class spy. She would teach me certain tricks and tell me stories from her espionage days. You see, I know you keep your contracts in that vault despite not looking into your mind but I don't want to meddle with your business since they all signed the contract with free will. I just want this to end for my friends. Now, do we have a deal?" Wanda let him know what would await him if he didn't accept her offer. 

In the end, Azul accepted her deal and they signed a contract. They extended the deadline so Azul would have enough time to get what Wanda wanted. She also agreed to let him do renovations to prepare the dorm in case she lost the bet. He gave them a potion to assist her side of the contract.

Jack was agitated around her after leaving Octavinelle. She assumed he feared her after she displayed a small portion of her potential. Ace, Deuce and Grim also caught up with what happened. They seemed to not mind what Wanda did but she still felt them being wary of her. Grim was the least reactive among the four. 

Despite Azul, Jack, and Wanda being the only people in the VIP room, the rumours about Wanda breaking things and making Azul cry out in pain spread through the NRC by the customers and waiters of Mostro Lounge who were at Mostro Lounge at that time.

Some students cheered for her, some asked how she did and some looked at her in fear. She didn't remember all of her life before Twisted Wonderland but the situation felt familiar to Wanda. I cannot control people's fears, only my own. She repeated this to herself from time to time as if it became her mantra.

Her gang of friends and Wanda formed a plan to steal the picture. Meanwhile, renovations at her dorm were going smoothly although it was too loud. She asked to stay at her friends' dorms. Ace and Deuce fumbled over their words, "Our room has 4 people in it." - "You would need to share the bed but our beds are too small to share."

"Ace, you said it was a double-sized bed when you were bragging about your dorm."  Wanda responded. Ace scratched his neck, "Ah yes, true but it would feel uncomfortable to share. Right, Deuce?" He nudged Deuce, "Y-yes. Sorry, Wanda, we couldn't help you." Wanda understood why they acted reclusively but it didn't mean it didn't hurt her. She said she understood them. 

After hearing the conversation, Jack said there was extra room at his dorm. They all went there but turned out that the room was occupied with other things. Jack also didn't seem to want to share his room. Then, Ruggie suggested that she and Grim could share with Leona who didn't seem to fear Wanda, yet still not want it. However, Ruggie convinced him and Wanda used the I-saved-your-life token.

The next day, Wanda and co. enacted their first plan but they got interrupted by the twins deep in the sea. When Wanda saw them in their new form, the first thing she thought was them being mutants like her. Since her mind was occupied with the thoughts of meeting someone of her kind, she wasn't able to focus on the task. Moreover, an underwater battle wasn't something she experienced before. They couldn't even reach the museum and went back to the NRC with nothing in their hands.

Seeing Azul cheat like that pissed her off. She said she was going to meet with him her friends and they said they would think of an alternative plan.

She asked a few people and learned that Azul was at the board game club meeting. She rushed to that classroom and barged in. He was sitting there with two blue boys. All of them were startled to see her. The bigger blue guy seemed to fear her presence too. "Azul, you scammer! You sent your goons to stop us from getting the picture."

After fixing his composure, Azul acted like he didn't know it. "Besides, there is nothing in our contract against this." Wanda rubbed her temples. I should have seen this coming. "Now, if you excuse us, Idia, Ortho and I will continue to play."

Wanda took a look at Idia first, "I think I've heard that name before. Who are you at the NRC?" The blue boy shrieked instead of answering. Azul replied in his place, "He is the prefect of Ignihyde. Ortho is his brother." He pointed to the other blue boy.

The moment Wanda saw Ortho, her mind went blank. "Hi!" The younger blue boy responded. Instinctively, Wanda reached out towards him, magenta mist covering her finger. Soon her hand was grabbed by both Idia and Azul, yelling in unison. "What the hell are you doing?!"

She pulled her hand from their grasps, looking at Ortho, "I can feel you," She murmured. She wanted to laugh, yet she only breathed out happily. "You are alive despite your android body. I felt your presence. How?" She was puzzled. She wanted to know the truth so she could be of help to the one she was longing for.

[openly-journaling]

Citlali - Saturday January 6 2024

It's funny I was just thinking about why we even have a diary or journal or whatever that we even write in. Especially when days have been so uneventful.

Ithaqua is now spending more and more time away from the front and with his now husband Alva (they got married in headspace on the 1st)

Fern/Smidge spends most of his time off with his boyfriend Sorrow and I am now with Fantasy.

Fantasy insists on getting time with his brother so I'm by myself mostly right now. Though Plague joined me at front awhile.

What is going on with our system one can only wonder. We formed Marshmallow recently to protect us over a few phrases that trigger us. So hopefully we can reduce the amount of stress and rapid switching when such phrases set us off.

Marshmallow also insists on almost completely reworking the system (helping people into groups, giving them better spaces, and finding out who's all where exactly since we hardly pay attention to each other outside of our own spaces in the headspace) good for him, he's keeping busy.

I suppose all this journaling is just good for keeping track of things but as far as we aren't concerned our memories aren't split and we remember it all anyway. Feels more like a vent post some days.

I've also caught myself in the midst of consistently having to reassure my bf (Fantasy) and others in the system when they're facing issues and I hope we can improve but it's so strange at times.

Kind of slipping back into Maladaptive daydreaming as well out of boredom while we wait to finally start college on the 11th.

Psychology. If we can get into that we can further study DID/OSDD and endo systems and hopefully uncover the truth once and for all. I would speak of this more in depth on our plans but at the same time there is a selfish part of us that doesn't fully want others nosing in on our research and how we plan to go about it. Thanks to a friend we've been given another approach even on how to study this that may not have been considered before.

We would need several volunteers from endo, endo neutral and anti endo communities and not just from our own perspective. We only know our experiences.

But something we've noticed talking with endos is that they tend to experience some things antis never speak about experiencing. I will not list them here. Still, if there's a chance to learn more, we wish to find out.

But first, I suppose, we start with basic steps. Basic learning. Hopefully it won't take too long for us to actually be allowed to do research and dedicate our life to further understanding this disorder that most other psychologists probably won't delve into.

We'd also like to understand psychiatry. Hopefully one day we'll have a breakthrough.

[snowdice]

Study Break/Proofreading Stories Plan

Hey everyone. I am planning to bring back my study break and proofreading stories after a long hiatus. I am going to change a couple of things about the format.

I first started these types of stories when I was doing very different work than I am now. (I've gone from studying studying to research studying which is a very different ballgame sometimes.) I used to do 20 minute study periods and then write 100 words and repeat. That amount of time is now a bit short for the types of tasks I'm doing in my line of work. So, I'm going to adjust the time I give each study session before a study break. It's going to be a bit of trail and error, but right now I'm planning on writing after I finish certain tasks. I'm going to see what works though so that is subject to change. The main takeaway is that it probably won't be as consistent as it was in ages past.

Also doing two of these types of stories at once is a bit too much to handle sometimes. Little Kestrel was supposed to just be a temporary one when I was proofreading Kill Dear, but it got quite... long. Since Little Kestrel only has about 7 chapters left and Folds in Paper has a lot left, I'm going to temporarily work on Little Kestrel until it's done and then go back to Folds in Paper.

Also we have polls so that will be fun (and take some stress off of me when it comes to keeping track of results over asks, reblogs, and replies). You can still send asks with comments or questions about the stories! However, I would prefer you cast your votes in the poll if possible. (I will still accept 1/2 point requests in asks as well as asks from people not on Tumblr if any of those exist.)

I'm hoping I can work on these 2-3 times a week, but it does kind of depend on what's going on with my irl responsibilities. I'm going to do a bit tonight and hopefully more tomorrow.

[we-can-be-heroes]

1, 2, 4, 6? 📚

2) What are 2-5 already published nonfiction books you think you want to read in 2023?

Ok so I’m waiting for this one to arrive and I’m extremely excited :

And my dream is to read this one entirely :

She passed away in 2016 and her writings have not been published in years… I’m a bit of a paper fetishist (especially for people I adore) so of course I want the physical version 😭 but I’m afraid it might be hard to find and most of all very expensive. So either I keep waiting for a miracle either I accept to read the pdf version hehe…!

And finally these two :

These also are two very rare books I plan on finding and buying lol 🥲 ! These were supposed to be a triptych/trilogy but life is hard and making books costs money so unfortunately it didn’t happen. The first volume is about the international post-punk, cold wave, techno-pop, dark folk, gothic rock, electronic, EBM, industrial metal scenes, basically all the related movements that have appeared since the 70’s etc……. And the second volume apparently tackles the….French gothic scene ??? As well as other francophone gothic scenes such as the Swiss, Belgian and Luxembourgish, which I don’t know shit about. As far as I know these are THE MOST COMPLETE publications about the subject written in French !!!!

4) Do you plan to read any genres you haven't read much before?

Hummmm as funny/crazy as it sounds I’ve never read any horror novels lol ! (Except for Carrie when I was a preteen) I watch horror, I read horror mangas, horror comics, even theorical/philosophical stuff about horror in magazines but no horror novels. Reading horror novels sound way scarier than any of the other stuff I listed that contain CLEAR IMAGES 😭 ! But I’m ready and would like to give it a shot. Other than that any good books that contain magical realism ? English Gothic Literature, French romantisme noir. And more theorical/philosophical/scientific stuff about subjects I care about !

6) Do you have any conceptual reading goals?

E.g., I plan to read books on food history.

Yes absolutely, as you can see in the previous book choices & the answer just above, I would like to read more theorical essays about music genres and their historical and political aspects, same goes for genre cinema, and the different themes and recurring patterns found there .

But also more books about cultural studies and critical theory. A few years ago for a long time I was going through a very strong feeling of DÉSIDENTIFICATION (disidentification) which was painful at the time, but also freeing ! [ I am still and constantly going through it tbh but in a very less violent way, the freeing part is starting to kick in hehe !] so, I was saying this word constantly to talk about how I felt and I ended up doing research and learning that this term had already been invented/theorized by someone called José Esteban Muñoz, in his very first book :

It made me very emotional to know that someone had written an entire book around the topic lol and now I really want to read it ! I found myself wrapped in feelings of unbelonging since forever so I’m always very attracted to and interested in what other people may have said or thought about these matters.

I will probably go through these rollercoasters of identification and disidentification my whole entire life but that’s also what makes it exciting and interesting and worth living I guess !

Not being able to categorize and decrypt you easily or at all is something that always enrages aaaaaaaall types of people ! And this is something I absolutely love and hate and find very interesting.

Pissing of and disturbing people by my very existence has always been my little specialty ! At some point I even started cultivating this by trying to scare people (through my art, looks, and unconsciously, probably, some aspects of my personality and life ““choices”” such as isolation) as an attempt to protect myself and free myself from this weight loool ! Which in my experience really isn't always a good idea, and once again is as liberating as it is painful !! For myself and others !!

Partly for all these reasons i have always been very drawn to the idea of “monstrosity” and have identified with monsters in art for as long as I remember so I’m always very happy to come across writings/books about this ! (if any of you have any recommendations btw don’t hesitate 🤍 ! Except for Paul B. preciado’s book that I have already heard about)

Anyway !!! So yeah basically I want to read these 5 books 😂😂😂….The only link I see between them is the idea of community that I have loved and hated and loved and hated and LOVED again 🔄🔄🔄🔄🔄♾️♾️♾️ and that I keep deconstructing and reconstructing perpetually !!!!

Thank you very much for the very interesting questions, loved answering these and sorry if « 2023 book ask » might have turned into « over sharing » ?? I just thought that it was related, and wanted to explain the book choices !

Have a great night !! 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

[bsdndprplplld]

13 IX 2022

my euclidean geometry journey will be over soon and the start of the semester is so close, it's kinda scary

recently I stumbled upon someone's post with a time-lapse video of their study session. I liked it so much that I decided to make mine

this is me learning about the snake lemma and excision

the excision theorem is the hardest one in homology so far btw, I spent about 4 hours on it and I am barely halfway through. I like the idea of the proof tho, it's very intuitive actually: start simple and tangible, then complicate with each step lmao

I realized two things recently. one of them is that deeply studying theorems is important and effective. effective, uh? in what way? in exams we don't need to cite the whole proof, it suffices to say "the assertion follows from the X theorem"

yeah right, but my goal is to be a researcher, not a good test-taker, researchers create their own proofs and what's better than studying how others did it if I am for now unable to produce original content in math?

the second things is that I learned how to pay attention. I know, it sounds crazy, but I've been trying another ✨adhd medication✨ and after a while I realized that paying attention is exhausting, but this is the only way to really learn something new, not just repeat what I already know. it made me see how much energy and effort it takes to make good progress and that it is necessary to invest so much

I am slowly learning to control my attention, which brings a lot of hope, as I believed that I had to rely on random bouts of hyperfocus, before I started treatment. I am becoming more aware or how much I am focusing at the given moment and I'm trying to work on optimizing those levels. for instance, when I'm reading a chapter in a textbook for the first time, it is necessary to remember every single detail, but wanting to do so consumes a lot of energy, because it means paying constant attention. it is ineffective because most likely I will have to repeat the process a few more times before I truly retain everything. being able to actually pay attention at will sure does feel good tho, as if I had a new part of my brain unlocked

I am solving more exercises for algebraic topology, procrastinating my lecture prep lmao. I am supposed to talk about the power of a point and radical axes, I have a week left and I can't force myself to start, because there is so much good stuff to do instead

I have a dream to produce some original results in my bachelor's thesis. it may be very difficult, because I hardly know anything, that's why I'm calling it a dream, not a goal. the plan is to start writing at the end of the semester, submit sometime in june

I spent last week at the seminar on analysis and oh boi, I will have to think twice next time someone asks if I like analysis. the lecturer who taught me at uni had a different approach than the "classic" one. we did a little bit of differential geometry, Lie groups and de Rham cohomology, those are the things I like. meanwhile at the seminar it was mostly about analytic methods of PDEs, the most boring shit I have ever seen

complex analysis will most likely be enjoyable tho, I'm taking the course this semester

for the next few days I need to force myself to prep that damn geometry lecture. other than that I plan to keep solving the AT exercises and maybe learn some more commutative algebra. I wish everyone a pleasant almost-autumn day 🍁

[bad-at-names-and-faces]

Tests

ao3

ffn

chapter index

August 31st, 1865

Dear Henry,

I’m happy to hear that you arrived back safely in Corona.  What exactly do you mean about Hilde’s suspicions?  You do have me a bit worried with the way you phrased that.  I hope the official permission from your grandfather is coming along.  You said everyone wished you congratulations, so I hope there won’t be too much stalling, even if I am resigning myself to waiting until next summer. 

I’m very sorry I haven’t written as much, by the way, since you’ve written every day. My mother and I have started planning the harvest festival, and I’ve been visiting a friend who hasn’t been well. I think you met her husband, the captain of the guard.  Frederick has his exam in a few days, so he’s been studying when he and his friends aren’t all taking a break from studying, and half the time they drag me with them for company. Still, I feel terribly negligent for not writing. 

And I miss you. I start daydreaming about having you here again and then I forget I haven’t actually written. It sounds rather stupid, I suppose. 

Oh, and it’s late now, so I’m fairly sure it will be your birthday by the time you see this, so happy birthday!  I hope I’ll be with you to properly wish you a happy birthday next year.

Love,

Inga

Henry smiled as he read Inga’s letter. It had only been a few days since Inga had written, but he had started worrying, just a little bit. He knew that she might be busy, but he liked knowing that she thought about him as much as he thought about her.  

The time was, in fact, quite late, and looking at the clock, he realized that it was now his birthday. It had been about a year since they had met. He grabbed a pen and paper.

September 1st, 1865

Dear Inga,

Thank you so much for the birthday wishes.  You were right! I looked at the clock, and it is, in fact, after midnight. 

I know you’re busy, so as long as you don’t mind if I keep writing every day.

My mother is helping my grandfather by researching what we need to do for my permission, but that’s only about diplomacy and politics. We still could just get married, you know. What do you think? Forget all our responsibilities and just run off together somewhere?

I don’t know if I want to be serious or joking in saying that.

I suppose I should get to sleep.  I was working on a small drawing when your letter arrived, so I’ll include it with this letter. I hope you like it.

Good night.

Love,

Henry

Henry lay in bed for what seemed like a long time after sending the letter. He had never felt alone before, not like this. Not when he knew what he was missing. 

0o0o0

Inga looked at the sketch Henry had drawn for her. It looked like a view from the palace in Corona. She wondered if it might be the view from Henry’s own room. Perhaps it was. She was about to put the drawing in the drawer with the others, but then stopped. Everyone now understood that she and Henry at least planned to be engaged, so there was no reason to be secretive about the drawings she had from him. She would display it on her wall.

She found some paste in a drawer that she hadn’t opened in years, but it had dried out, so she rang for Oline, who showed up remarkably quickly.

“Your Highness?” Oline asked. 

“Do you think you might be able to find me some paste?” Inga asked.

“Paste?”

“Yes, or glue… you know, for paper?”

“I’ll see what I can find,” Oline replied with a quick curtsey as she left the room.

The dried-out paste had an odd smell to it, though Inga couldn’t quite decide what it was. It had been sitting there a while, though.

Oline finally returned. “I found this,” the maid told her, handing her a small jar.

“Thank you,” Inga replied, then handed over the old jar. “Could you dispose of this? I think it’s gone bad, and it’s dried out, anyway.”

Oline took the old jar and gave a sniff. “It smells just like dried paste to me, but I’ll certainly take it for you.”

Inga opened up the new jar, and instantly put the lid back on. It smelled, too.  “Oline?” she called out just before her maid left the room.

“Yes?” Oline replied, stopping at the door.  

“Does this one smell to you?”

Oline walked over, putting her nose near the jar as Inga opened it again. “A little.  That variety always smells funny, I think.”

Inga thought for a moment while Oline stood there. “Could you do me a favor? I have this drawing, and I’d like to put it on the wall, but I really don’t think I can handle the smell. Would you mind?”

“Not at all,” Oline said, putting the old jar in the pocket of her apron. “Show me where I should put it.”

***

Henry woke up to the door shutting behind James, leaving from picking up a few things. He was happy to find a letter on his bedside table in the morning, and it was clearly from Inga.

September 1st, 1865

Dear Henry,

I feel like I should be the one sending you a gift today, but thank you so much for the drawing of Corona.  I’ve put it up on my wall so I can see it when I wake up each morning. Perhaps you’re looking at the same view? I like that idea.

I need to find a better kind of paste if I’m going to be putting your drawings up. My maid brought me a jar of something so foul-smelling that I had to ask her to put up the drawing for me.  I had her put up some of your older drawings that I had been keeping in my desk drawer previously, as well.  It’s very nice.  

Thinking of you.

Love,

Inga

Henry smiled at the fact that Inga had recognized the view from his window, and looked out, hoping that she was, in fact, looking at the picture at that moment. He went to the cupboard where he kept his art supplies. Perhaps he could send a jar to Inga.

***

Inga wasn’t sure she should be lingering outside the room where Frederick and his friends were taking the examination for Corona’s Naval Academy, but it had been several hours, and she hoped that Frederick would be done soon. 

The doorknob rattled a bit before opening, and Inga stepped back, hoping it would look like she was just passing by the room.  The Admiral from Corona stepped out the door, and held it open for the boys to leave the room.  Their faces were blank and they all looked exhausted.  The Admiral thanked each one as they exited, then went back in to ring for a servant.  

Frederick hadn’t noticed Inga as he left the room, and he started walking along with the other boys, presumably to head back into town with them.  Inga ran to catch up.

“Frederick!” she called out.

He stopped and swung around.  “Inga!”

“How did the examination go?” she asked.

The other boys sighed.  Frederick just nodded in their direction.

They kept walking, and Inga kept up. 

“Well, it’s done now,” Inga said.  “When will you find out how you did?”

“Later this week,” Frederick said.  

They continued walking across the courtyard, heading toward town. 

“Are you going out to celebrate now?” Inga asked.

“I suppose so,” Frederick chuckled. “I don’t know if we should call it celebrating until we know the results.  But we were planning to go to Hudson’s Hearth now.”

“You’re welcome to come with us,” one of the boys said. 

“I don’t want to interrupt your time together,” Inga said.

“Oh, come on! I’m sure Bjorgman won’t mind,” the other boy said.

Inga smiled a bit. “Would you two want to have your sisters coming along?”

“I don’t have a sister,” the first boy said. “What about you, Jorgensen?”

The second boy shrugged. “Don’t worry about it.  Your brother’s been telling us all about you.”

“Should I be worried?” Inga chuckled.

“Let’s just say, you should be glad he’s also told us about that other fellow,” the first boy said in a teasing tone, though it made her a little nervous.

“What?!” Frederick said, grabbing the boy’s shoulder rather firmly. 

“Woah!” the second boy interjected, “Bjorgman, I think Dahl was teasing.  Ease up!”

“Sorry,” Frederick muttered, his face red. “Inga, are you sure you want to come along?”

“I’m fine. I’ll assume it was a compliment, nothing more,” Inga insisted.  “But if I’m joining you, I feel like I really ought to know more than your surnames.”

The two laughed. 

“I suppose we don’t use anything besides surnames most of the time,” Jorgensen observed, sticking out his hand. “Lukas Jorgensen.”

Inga shook hands, and the other boy stuck out his hand before she had finished.

“Anders Dahl,” the other said, as Inga shook hands.

“Good, then we’ve properly met,” Inga smiled.

As they finished crossing the bridge from the castle into town, ahead of them, at the edge of the market square, her attention turned to some commotion as someone ran through the square.  

“Frederick!” she heard Meibel shouting from the edge of the square, now running toward them. Inga supposed it wouldn’t be so bad if Meibel joined them now.

Inga waved. “Hello, Mei-” 

“Inga! Frederick!” Meibel breathlessly interrupted Inga’s greeting as she got close.  “You need to go to the castle and get Captain Olsen!”

“Wait,” Inga began, “is Isabel-”

“She’s not doing well. Edith couldn’t handle it and ran home, and Halima’s still there with Kate, and she told me to go find Siggy and…”  Meibel stood, catching her breath.

“Frederick, go get Siggy,” Inga ordered. “Meibel, you go see if Edith is doing fine, and I’ll go join Halima.”

Meibel ran back home to find her sister Edith, and Frederick gave a quick wave to Dahl and Jorgensen before running back toward the castle. The other two stood not sure what to do.

"You two, just go have your lunch," Inga said, before turning and walking toward Isabel's house. She couldn't even remember the conversation a few minutes earlier, and felt like she was in a fog. Memories were intruding in her thoughts. She had never really been aware of her siblings' births, as they always seemed to happen late at night, or early in the morning, and the nanny was always quick to keep them occupied when it was happening, but she remembered, even though all of the younger children's births seemed to be uneventful, with her mother only resting a bit, she hadn't seen her mother for a long time after the twins were born. Frederick was too young to remember, but she was just old enough to remember that her mother was "sick" and her father hardly seemed to be doing much better.  

Inga arrived at Isabel's door and could hear muffled orders being shouted from the other side. She took a deep breath, gave a slight push, and the door swung right open. 

"Your Highness!" the maid exclaimed with a brief curtsey from the kitchen, before picking up a kettle of boiling water, presumably to carry up to the bedroom.

There was a metallic smell in the air.

"Inga?" Halima said, looking out from the door, her face understandably worried.

“Meibel didn’t tell me very much, what’s going on?” Inga asked as she walked up the stairs.

“Are you sure you want to come in here?” Halima asked, avoiding answering Inga’s question.

“I- I’ll be fine,” Inga said, knowing by now that her imagination was as bad as anything she might see.

Halima sighed and opened the door for Inga to come in.  There was a doctor in the room, and Kate was sitting by Isabel’s head, holding her hand.  Isabel was very pale, and looked pained, but seemed to be barely conscious of anything at all at this point.

“She’s lost a lot of blood,” the doctor said directly to Halima, not noticing Inga’s presence in the room, which Inga realized was probably for the best.

“Frederick went to get Siggy,” Inga said quietly in Halima’s ear.  Halima nodded.  

Inga noticed a commotion in the corner, and noticed a nurse tending to a tiny baby in the cradle.  She walked over, and saw that the nurse was swaddling the baby, who was making little squeaking sounds, which she would have wanted to comment on if the rest of the room hadn’t been so serious and ominous.  She stepped over to the nurse.

“The baby…” Inga whispered, not sure what she should be asking.

“A girl,” the nurse whispered back, “she seems healthy enough.”

Inga let out a sigh.  “That’s good, at least.”

There was a loud rattling at the door downstairs.  Inga made her way downstairs and opened the door to Isabel’s husband, looking pale, and Frederick standing behind him looking worried, as well.  

“It’s a girl,” Inga said. “The baby is doing well.” 

“And Isabel?” Siggy said.

“She’s… she’s not doing so well. Come upstairs,” Inga said, not sure how she was speaking as calmly as she was.  It didn’t feel like her own voice.

Inga led Isabel's husband up to the bedroom. She could only assume that Frederick wasn't far behind the two of them.  

The maid was coming out of the room with an arm full of towels and rags that had recently been bed sheets.  Inga looked over her shoulder, and Siggy looked almost ill.  

“She’s resting,” Halima said as they walked in.  

Inga looked over, and saw that Isabel had been cleaned up, her dark hair tied up as best that, presumably, the maid and Kate could manage without disturbing her. She was asleep now, her breathing shallow but regular.  Kate stood up as Siggy rushed over to the side of the bed.  

The doctor walked in from having washed up, and seemed to recognize Inga for the first time since she had arrived there, giving her a somewhat surprised nod. 

He spoke to Halima first, mentioning that he would stop by in town later with some suggestions for meals that would be best for Isabel, and after that, looking at Inga, added “I would like to speak to Captain Olsen alone now, if you please.”

“Kate,” Halima called over gently, “why don’t we go downstairs right now?”

Kate nodded, looking back at Isabel, and came with them.  As they entered the hallway from the bedroom, the maid was returning with some clean rags. Halima put her finger to her mouth, and the maid nodded, understanding that she should make herself as unobtrusive as possible.

“Inga, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, could you walk Kate home, please?” Halima asked once they got downstairs.  “And if you see Destin, please send him here, please.”

Inga nodded.  General Mattias had presumably been with the Admiral from Corona and Arendelle’s Admiral Sorensen discussing the examination results.  He had officially been retired for several years, but he liked to keep busy, and discussing military academy candidates was about the right level of activity at his advanced age.  

Kate was silent as they walked back into town.  On a normal day, she would be bubbly and talking on and on with hardly time to breathe.  Of course, her sister Edith was usually with her as well.  

“Did Edith say anything earlier?” Inga asked, hoping it wasn’t too sensitive of a subject.

“No,” Kate said bluntly.  “She just started crying and left.”

“Oh,” Inga replied.  “I sent Meibel to check on her. I hope she’ll be okay.”

They got to the General and Halima’s home, which was next door to Hudson’s Hearth right on the edge of the market square. Kate pulled out a key from the chain on her neck and entered inside.  Inga had never been over at their house when it was locked up before. It occurred to her that she didn’t know if there were locks to any of the doors in the castle.  There had to be, but she couldn’t remember using any keys to any of the rooms. 

As they came inside, muffled crying could be heard from upstairs.  Meibel was sitting in a chair in the front parlor, looking like she couldn’t decide whether she was feeling petulant or worried.  

“Edith won’t let me talk to her,” she announced as they came inside. She swallowed and added, “How is Isabel?”

“She’s resting,” Inga said.

“Have you seen Papa?” Kate asked Meibel, as the general was obviously not home.

“He might be next door,” Meibel said.  

“Meibel,” Inga said, “why don’t you and I go check if he’s there?  Perhaps Edith would like to talk to Kate.”

Kate nodded, and slowly walked upstairs, while Inga took Meibel by the hand and walked over to Hudson’s Hearth.  

As Inga and Meibel entered Hudson’s Hearth, Frederick’s friends were sitting in the far corner of the dining room, talking loudly, and Inga was fairly certain they weren’t on their first round of drinks.  General Mattias wasn’t in the room, so Meibel ran back to the kitchen to ask about him.  Inga did her best to make herself inconspicuous as she stood by the door to the market square. 

Just as Meibel came back from the kitchen, the General walked in from the square. Meibel, normally acting so grown up at Hudson’s, serving food to customers and taking orders, ran over to them.

“Meibel, what’s going on?”

“Isabel isn’t doing well,” she said, doing her best not to speak too loudly.  “You should come there.”

“Where are the others?” the General asked.

“Captain Olsen is there,” Inga replied, “and Halima asked for me to find you and wanted you to come over.  Kate and Edith came back home.”

“Can I go back?” Meibel asked. 

“You can come with me,” the General replied. “Inga, can you check in on Kate and Edith?”

Inga nodded as the General and his ward, Meibel, left Hudson’s Hearth.

She walked back over to the house, knocking on the door, which was locked again.  Kate opened the door.

“How is Edith?” Inga asked.

“She won’t let me talk to her either,” Kate said with resignation. 

Inga looked up the stairs.  “Shall I try?”

“I don’t see what harm it could do at this point,” Kate shrugged.

Inga quietly walked up the stairs, knocking gently on Edith’s bedroom door.

“What is it?” Edith called out, sounding like she was still crying.

“It’s Inga. I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”

Edith opened the door. Her face and eyes were red. 

“Look, if you’d rather be alone right now, I understand.  I really do.”

“No, come on in,” Edith sighed.  

Edith closed the door behind them as Inga walked in, and motioned for her to sit down on one of the chairs by the window.  Inga sat down and looked outside at the market square and harbor.  Inga had never been here or any of the girls’ bedrooms before, and watching the people going about their business in the market square like it was any other day transfixed her. 

As Edith sat down in the other chair, Inga noticed a small book on the table, open with a loose photograph.  Edith was touching it gently.

“What is that?” Inga asked without thinking, instantly regretting her question as soon as her eyes adjusted to the light inside the room and could see the details. The photograph was of a woman holding a baby, both appearing to be asleep, though Inga knew they weren’t sleeping.

“That’s my mother and brother,” Edith explained.

“I didn’t know you had a brother,” Inga said. 

“I didn’t, not really,” Edith mumbled.

“What do you mean?” 

“Not the way you know your brothers,” Edith said. 

“Oh,” Inga replied, not sure what to say. 

“Kate doesn’t remember any of it,” Edith continued.  “And everyone else in the town was worried about your mother- I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound bitter.”

“I- no, please don’t apologize,” Inga insisted.  

“Inga, you don’t mind that I’m telling you all this?”

Inga was taken aback by the question.  “Why would I mind?”

She never minded people telling her things, but she suddenly realized that hardly anyone told her anything, not like this. Did she really know anybody here?

***

September 10th, 1865

Dear Henry,

I’m so sorry I haven’t written in over a week.  I’m fine, as is my family, but you were correct that something was wrong for me not to write for so many days.  You may remember I was telling you about my friend Isabel, the wife of the captain of the castle guard.  She had the baby, a girl, who is healthy and doing well, but Isabel has been doing very poorly, and for several days no one was quite sure if she would make it. I think she will be fine now, but she’s still quite ill, and we’ve all been going over to help out.  

I’m going to take my mind off that business this morning and meet with my mother to begin planning the harvest festival.  It will be at the beginning of November, so I hope that you can find a way to visit.  And thank you for the paste suggestion.  You’re right, the one she brought up was rubber cement, so perhaps the one you sent will be nicer. I’ll ask my maid if she’s seen something arrive for me in the last few days.

Love,

Inga

Inga whispered for Gale, and released the letter out her bedroom window, then left to visit Isabel.  She had a basket with treats from the castle kitchens, though she wasn’t entirely sure who would be eating them. Isabel was still only occasionally taking some broth, and mostly sleeping, and Inga couldn’t remember seeing Captain Olsen ever eating pastries. Perhaps they could be offered to guests.  They were getting a lot of visitors, and Inga was rarely there with just the maid.

Soon after she knocked, the maid arrived at the door, looking rushed.

“Your Highness,” she said, curtseying. 

“Is everything all right?” Inga asked.

“Nothing has changed,” the maid replied before noticing Inga’s face. “That is, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Is there anything I can help with?” 

“Well, since you mention it, the nurse has taken the afternoon off, but there’s extra laundry I need to take out.  If you could just watch the baby for a few minutes?  The mistress is sleeping, and she wouldn’t be able to do anything, anyway.”

“Oh, of course!” Inga said, knowing from her youngest siblings that there wasn’t much to do with a baby this young, anyway.

The maid went to the back to gather up the mass of laundry into a basket and went out the back door.  The baby was napping in a cradle in the front parlor, so Inga took a moment to walk upstairs and check on Isabel.  She was sleeping peacefully, her breathing now gentle and regular, at least.

As she walked back down to the parlor, a wagon went by with a wheel that suddenly squeaked, which woke the baby.  Inga picked up the little girl carefully and held her, keeping her from fussing too much.

Inga paced the room, gently rocking the baby up and down, as little Hallie slowly fell back asleep.  Just then, a key turned in the front door, and Captain Olsen walked in.

“Oh, hello,” he said in surprise.

“Is that how I get greeted now?” Inga asked.

“I’m sorry, Your Highness,” he scoffed.

“Sorry, sorry,” Inga sighed,  “I didn’t mean to be teasing like that, Siggy.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he quickly replied.  Inga looked a little more closely at his face, and realized he suddenly looked much older. 

“I- I just didn’t realize you would be home this afternoon,” Inga said, then began to ramble. “And I’m alone here, since the maid needed to take the laundry, and I guess the nurse is out for the afternoon, but I’m surprised that nobody came in to replace her.  My sister is over a year old now, so we could send her nurse over here a few days a week. You could think of it as a gift, I suppose-”

“How is she?”  Siggy asked, looking at the baby.

“Sleeping again,” Inga said, looking down at the baby. “Would you like to hold her?”

Siggy nodded and walked over, as Inga gently handed the baby to him.

“Isabel has mostly been sleeping,” Inga added, realizing that he might have been asking about his wife.

“I know,” he said.  “Craig has been taking some of my guard shifts so I can spend more time here. I’m giving him leave for all of December so he can visit his grandfather in Glasgow.”

“That’s nice of him,” Inga said, adding, “and for him, I suppose.  I imagine he doesn’t get there very often.”

“I have a grandmother in Bergen, and I don’t even get up there very often,” Siggy said, latching on to a neutral topic.  

Inga stayed where she was, looking at the baby some more. 

“Does your grandmother visit Arendelle often?” she asked, hoping the conversation could continue.

“I’ve written to her. I suppose my grandmother will visit soon enough, but we do need to make sure that it’s a good time.”

Inga didn’t need to ask if he meant waiting for Isabel to be healthy enough to see someone from out of town.

“She’s a very sweet baby,” she said, stroking the baby’s cheek.

“Yes, she’s very precious,” Siggy said. “I hope she stays healthy, since...”

Inga waited for him to complete the sentence, but he simply sat down near the window, still holding the baby, and looked out across the harbor.  She wasn’t sure if she should pry, and yet, lately, she had realized how little she knew about everyone else here.  

Sitting down in the other seat by the window, she briefly took notice of some women standing at the corner nearby gossiping.  She wondered how visible she and the captain were here in his parlor, but pushed the thought out of her mind.

“Siggy,” she began, “how is everything?”

He sat deep in thought for a moment. “I suppose I can’t complain.  I have a beautiful daughter, and hopefully she will have a mother.”

“I don’t mean to assume, but…” Inga considered her words for a moment. “The way you say you can’t complain, it makes me think that something is wrong.” 

Siggy gave a long, heavy sigh.  “The doctor told me that if Isabel had any more children, she would almost definitely...”

In her mind, Inga could fill in the words he had left out.  Siggy didn’t want to say out loud the idea that his wife would probably die if she had another child.

“Oh. That must be difficult.” 

“I plan to focus on the good,” he said, sounding like he was trying to convince himself of this.

Inga looked out again. The women standing nearby quickly turned away.

“Have you seen Frederick today?” Inga asked after a moment, hoping to change the subject.

“I saw the General and the Admirals going into the castle before I left, so I think they’ve finally settled on examination results,” Siggy explained, probably as relieved as Inga herself was for a different subject to discuss.

“Frederick has been so nervous about that,” Inga told him. “I’ve been telling him he’ll do fine, and I hope he does, because I don’t want to be wrong about this.”

Siggy smiled. Just then there was a knock at the door. He started to get up, but Inga shook her head at him, nodding at the baby, and got up and answered the door.

“Inga!” Meibel chirped as the door opened. Kate and Edith were standing right behind her.

“Oh, hello, Siggy!” Kate said.

“We didn’t know you were planning to come this afternoon, Siggy,” Edith explained, “or we would have come sooner.”

Siggy nodded.

“I should go check on Isabel,” Inga said. “You can keep your brother-in-law company.”

Inga walked upstairs, quietly entering the bedroom. Isabel was still sleeping, but looked like she was going to wake up soon, so Inga sat down next to the bed.

Isabel gave a small groan and blinked a bit, looking at Inga.  “Hello,” she croaked out.

“Hello, did you rest well?” Inga asked.

“Not really,” Isabel admitted. “I have the strangest dreams.”

“Oh?” Inga commented.  

“Where is the baby?”

“She’s downstairs.  Your husband got home early, and your sisters are here, giving her lots of attention.”

Isabel smiled.  “Do you like the name? I’m so glad that Siggy and I had talked about names before. I’d hate to think of him trying to figure that out while I was so ill.  We had been talking about naming a boy for Siggy’s father, but that will have to wait.”

Inga forced herself to smile and nod. It was obvious that Isabel hadn’t been told anything about how serious her condition was.

“Has Frederick taken his exams?” Isabel asked. 

“He has, and they might find out the results soon,” Inga told her. She remembered what Isabel had asked what seemed like ages ago. “I found out their names, by the way. Frederick’s friends, I mean.”

“Really?” Isabel chuckled. 

“Lukas and… oh dear, who was the other one?” Inga paused. “Anders!”

“Do you remember which was which?”

“Oh, goodness, no, they told me-” Inga cut herself off, remembering why that conversation with Frederick’s friends had been cut short. “I can’t remember which was which. But those are their names.”

“Well, I’ll tell Kate and Edith and leave them to decide who is who.  I heard you’re also planning the fall festival this year? I hope I’ll be feeling a bit better by then.”

“My mother and I only just started, but it should be about the same as last year,” Inga replied.  

“Don’t talk that way,” Isabel chastised her.  “This sort of thing is always harder than it looks to people who have no experience with trying to get everyone doing what they’re supposed to be doing.”

“Well, thanks,” Inga replied.

Edith and Kate walked in just then. Kate was carrying the baby.  “I told you I heard her wake up,” Kate whispered loudly to Edith. 

“Hello, you two,” Isabel smiled.

“We thought you might like some time with the baby,” Edith said.  “Everyone else has gotten time with her today.”

“Thank you, that would be wonderful!” Isabel said, holding out her arms, though she wasn’t up to sitting up yet.

Inga stood up to let Kate and Edith sit by the edge of the bed.

“I should be getting home. Shall I come by tomorrow, Isabel?” Inga asked.

“Yes, please. You have a nice evening,” Isabel said.

Inga made polite apologies to Meibel and Siggy as she left the house and made her way back to the castle.  She still hadn’t eaten that day, aside from the piece of toast her mother had forced on her.  But there was so much to think about.  She didn’t want to think about food.

She saw Frederick and his friends coming across the bridge laughing.  The examination results must have been good.  Frederick saw her and ran ahead to meet her, startling her by picking her up off the ground.  

“I guess it’s good news, then?” she asked, laughing a bit.

“We all got in!” Frederick exclaimed.

“Well, of course you did,” Inga said.

“It was never a sure thing!” Frederick insisted. 

“Yes, but you were studying, all of you were.  I’ve seen you working at this all summer.”

Frederick blushed a bit. “Well, this time, would you like to come for an actual celebration?”

Inga smiled. “I’m a bit tired, but thanks for the offer. We can go out some other time.”

“Oh, fine.”  Frederick looked almost sad.

“But you should all enjoy yourselves. You deserve it.”

“Thanks,” Frederick said, as his friends slowly caught up. “Let’s go!”

Inga walked into the courtyard.  She could hear the twins and her father talking in the stables.  She wouldn’t interrupt them. It was a beautiful afternoon, but she really was tired. She hadn’t been trying to avoid going back into town with her brother.

As she got to her room and closed the door behind her, some leaves were hitting the window.  She opened it up, and a letter fluttered down to her bedside.  It was from Henry. She tried to remember if she had written to him that morning.  He had sent her some paste, which was oddly thoughtful, but she had been so distracted.

She opened the letter.

September 10th, 1865

Dear Inga,

I’m so glad to hear from you again. I hope your friend makes a full recovery, that sounds terrible. I do remember the Captain, he seemed quite nice.

It's good to hear that you’ve found the paste useful. I’ll have to come see what you’ve done with my drawings, as I always like to see when people have displayed my work.  I’ve made plans to come in time for the fall festival, and I will have the letter signed by my grandfather with me. 

Love,

Henry

Inga smiled at the thought of the council no longer having reason to hold off on an official engagement, though the wedding would probably still not happen until the following summer. No matter how often people promised that the time would go by quickly, it still felt so long.

[whentherewerebicycles]

some journaling on my parenting reading below the cut

god i truly love a research rabbithole... when i get interested in a subject i want to consume as much of the published writing about it as i can so i can begin to construct a loose mental map of the field & all the different schools of thought within it. this has been a particularly fun one (and it’s not over yet lol i have about 10 more books either on my kindle or on hold at the library). with this particular rabbithole, my goal hasn’t been to figure out what The Most Optimal Way to Parent is... i doubt any amount of research or planning can prepare you for the realities of 24/7 childcare or the big feelings, anxieties, and insecurities that the work of parenting stirs up!! but here are the things i’ve been interested in developing a deeper understanding of:

what do contemporary american cultural norms around parenting look and feel like? how do they impact the emotional, practical, financial, and interpersonal aspects of parenting? how have those norms changed over time? what books, institutions, schools of thought, and/or cultural figures have been particularly influential in introducing and reinforcing these norms? what is the process through which new ideas or theories about parenting become enshrined as universals or even as moral dictates? what effects does this enshrinement have on parents? what about the effect on kids?

lots of parenting experts make appeals to science. but what does “science” mean in this context? what types of research are these parenting experts drawing on? when was that research conducted? i’m also interested in understanding how generalizable the existing research really is -- which means asking questions like, how large is the sample size? what was the methodology used? how diverse were the demographics surveyed? how much of a western slant or bias is implicit in the way the study is framed and interpreted? how much cherry-picking of data or confirmation bias seems to be at work here (not necessarily by the scientists themselves but by the popular experts interpreting the data)?

i’ve also become soooo fascinated by cross-cultural studies of parenting, because that comparative lens seems to be SO helpful for gently but firmly contextualizing a supposed universal within a much richer tapestry of cultural practices, values, and beliefs. one of the guiding tenets of this research seems to be that each culture’s parenting practices & values around parenting are designed to produce the type of citizen and community member that culture has deemed valuable. also, each culture’s parenting norms (including the shaming of parents who parent differently) seem to be designed to create and preserve the type of parent/child relationship that culture has deemed morally and socially acceptable.

on a related note: i’ve also found it very interesting to compare academic texts in cross-cultural parenting (typically written by researchers who have spent decades in the field) to popular texts that interpret these findings for a broader american or western audience. the latter can still be really interesting and well-researched, but they can also sometimes imply that it’s possible to construct a kind of ‘a la carte’ parenting philosophy where you sample a bunch of different practices from other cultures until you find the most optimal combination (this attitude strikes me as so quintessentially american, or maybe white american, lol). the academic books, by contrast, tend to be very careful to show how other cultures’ parenting styles are deeply integrated in that culture’s history, values, interpersonal norms, and societal structures. so interesting!!!!!

i’ve also been doing a lot of reading around assorted topics like infant sleep and cosleeping, alternatives to the nuclear family structure, infant/parent attachment (especially thoughtful critiques of attachment theory), alloparenting, toilet training around the world, etc etc

also just in general i am looking for things that will make my life easier lol. free me from guilt, books! reassure me that kids turn out okay even if you make lots of little (or big) mistakes!

anyway those have been some of my guiding questions as i read!! now i am trying to figure out the best way to synthesize my notes and impressions lol. i’m not assuming that i’ll remember most of this or have clear 1:1 applications for everything... but i’m trying to use this on-the-cusp-of-a-big-transition moment as an opportunity to do some deep reflection on my own values and on how i’d like my family life to be structured. so i’ve been doing some writing towards trying to develop a flexible framework for parenting plus some basic value-aligned guidelines i want to be able to return to when i have to make a decision but am getting lots of conflicting advice/pressure from different angles. idk even if none of this holds up in practice, i like the idea of creating a (naive, lol) archive of what i was thinking, feeling, or expecting before the big life transition happened, yknow? and i do think that even if the specific ideas i articulate right now don’t turn out to be all that applicable to my lived experience, it will still have been valuable! time spent in reflection is never time wasted! the jes motto lol. anyway idk if i will post that writing here or just keep it in my journal but! that is what i am thinking about and working on lately.

[lutiaslayton]

Hey guys, you know what

Given the news about New World of Steam, a lot of us are going to replay the games for old time’s sake. With or without this news, I would have done so anyway, but while we’re at it… It just occurred to me.

Why don’t I just share my notes with you as I go through them? Aka, I suppose, go back to that series past me had started years ago where I had intended to study the plot in more depth, see how the puzzles could work in-universe, and just overall try to expand on the lore.

Here is the series in question, in case you don’t know what I am talking about.

I was once again desperately trying to sort my notes through the puzzle theory post I have been trying to make for practically a month, and I just thought that it was simply too big a monster to tackle in only one post. So why not expand on it as we play through the games directly, I guess?

I will make zero promises regarding a schedule, and I am very likely to not make any shitpost-y comics every episode. But what I can offer, however, is a thorough comparison between the Japanese version and the English languages we know (either US or UK, depending). If schedule there is, I will most likely make some sort of queue (past me had planned to separate the episodes in terms of “one puzzle per post”, and this seems to me like a good habit to keep), so I can write multiple posts in a row and then have them post weekly, or bi-weekly, or something like that.

If I ever get to it, I will tag these posts as #pl puzzle theory, since it is a tag I was already using. Feel free to blacklist it if you don’t want to see it! And for those who do, I hope I will manage to make something that is entertaining, thorough, and informative. And not too shitpost-y lol, at least not when it comes to analysing the raw evidence.

(PS: Of course, as always, the priority will always be the fanfic Stable Like Sand. I am merely saying that this playthrough marathon has been on my to-do list for fanfic research purposes for a very long time already, and that I suppose that making it a public mini-series instead of something I would have otherwise kept to myself for the most part will motivate me to get back into it, and make it open to discussion with you all! I am absolutely expecting to get some of my hypotheses contradicted and such, so don’t be shy, that will on the contrary be extremely helpful :D)

[cindylouwho-2]

RECENT NEWS, RESOURCES AND STUDIES, Etsy & Google, early June 2023

Since I have been writing so much in detail about Etsy happenings lately, I didn’t have time to write my usual news summaries. Better late than never, here is what has been happening on Etsy and in the SEO world in general for the past few months. 

The bad news is I am on a 2-week road trip as of June 14th, so you may not get the rest of the ecommerce, social media and other news until into July, but I will do my best to get some work done in the car each day without an internet connection. 

Don't forget you can always follow me on Twitter or on LinkedIn to get more timely updates.  

TOP NEWS & ARTICLES 

Etsy sellers in the EU can opt out of Offsite Ads. In fact, even shops from Switzerland can do so. The UK is not currently included, and no one knows which EU law makes this possible. If Etsy gives you trouble when you try to opt out, keep pushing.  

If you ever thought Etsy wouldn’t put your shop on payment reserve, did you know they did it to Katwise? From numerous other reports in the last month or two, Etsy is now putting more shops on reserve for very small increases in recent sales, and plenty of other bizarre reasons. One seller contacted me because the now-on-reserve shop had been empty and unused since May 2022! I’ve updated my blog post with some new details, and have a new list of potential factors. Please let me know if you have recently been put on reserve and if any of the factors - known or suspected - apply to you. 

I’ve spent the past few months researching how Etsy’s seller protection plan works in practice, and yes, there are some things you can do to reduce the chance of losing money due to Etsy’s new rules. 

ETSY NEWS 

In a disturbing development, Etsy sellers in India now must use Etsy Labels for all domestic orders. Unfortunately, I don’t expect this will be the last country Etsy does this for, as Etsy is already making it difficult for people in other countries to mark orders as shipped. Anyone experiencing this issue can avoid it by using the app, by buying labels on sites with automatic integrations with your shop (so the order is marked shipped immediately), or by trying this tedious workaround on every order. 

As I previously reported in beta, Etsy introduced a “Make an Offer” option for US vintage sellers in April. 

Etsy is pulling the usual last-minute attempt at complying with new laws by having some sellers re-verify info before the INFORM Act takes effect in the US. 

Etsy’s Annual Transparency Report shows that their technology is mostly flagging items that aren’t prohibited on Etsy, even after a few years of adopting this automated approach. I cover it in detail on Tumblr. If you are interested in how search is working these days, definitely read my post! This could explain some items suddenly getting no views. 

Speaking of which, the latest glut of bot takedowns involved several different areas:

handmade items, often best sellers from successful shops. Some have not been successful getting the listing reinstated after several days of trying

drug paraphernalia, usually for items that aren’t even remotely drug-related

listings making medical claims, which now includes mentioning the FDA. Read the updated Medical Claims policy here.

Despite this supposed increased effort of Etsy policing the site, the counterfeit accusations against the Etsy marketplace continue to percolate through the media and blogosphere, with some noting that both counterfeit and basic reselling [Glossy; soft paywall] hurt genuine handmade and vintage sellers. If you prefer video on the Citron report, here’s one from Yahoo. Then this Washington Post article [gift link; no paywall] got a lot of attention regarding dropshipping and how you can get a lot of the same things cheaper on Alibaba; there was also an investigation in the UK that came to the same conclusion. 

Etsy even addressed the negative media attention in the first quarter report, which I covered on Tumblr as usual. In case you missed it, the fourth quarter of 2022 is here. 

If you use abandoned cart coupons, note that many shoppers are now receiving them within a few hours of carting your item. 

Some sellers - mostly but not all in the UK - discovered they could no longer use the shipping carrier option “Other” on their listings around May 12. Listings already using this option cannot be edited or renewed with more than a quantity of 1. Etsy Support has told many of them that this is intentional, and that they will need to select listed carriers - but Etsy does not offer some of the common Royal Mail or other carrier options in their coding. This removal also prevents sellers from using extended delivery dates when the official ones are too optimistic, putting them at risk of forced refunds under the Purchase Protection Program. 

Canadian sellers now get reduced Tracked Packet (US) rates for Canada Post through Etsy Labels, but there are several problems with the offer. It’s only available to people with Solutions for Small Business accounts (many sellers have commercial contracts, which are not eligible for this deal), but the labels purchased no longer count towards Solutions for Small Business tiers. That means you will eventually end up paying more for your non-US labels, and for your labels for other platforms and your website. It therefore isn’t useful for bigger shops that sell to more than the US, or sell through multiple channels. Also, it appears that you can get a lower rate at Canada Post counters, as well as through eBay as of April 27th. And even if you don’t use any of those sources, tracked packet to the US has been only marginally more expensive than small packet since September, so make sure you compare prices before opting for the untracked method. 

Etsy has reintroduced its wedding registry, and included the latest wedding trends in the blog post. This should work better than the first time they did it in 2012, since Etsy now has many more items sold in multiples that can be on dozens of registries without selling out. 

The old Etsy seller app was removed from app stores by May 23, and eventually it will not work any more. 

As mentioned in a previous update, now that Etsy has brought on “tens of thousands” of new sellers in India, they are working on attracting buyers in the country. In India and interested in opening a shop? Etsy has a specific “how-to” page for you. 

A new listing page is currently being beta tested and should be available to all sellers now, but you can opt out if you have it. 

Etsy Up was held in mid-May, and all of the sessions are available online now. Most of it is rather bland advertising for Etsy, although new sellers may learn some things. 

The somewhat-depressing story of how one tech writer managed to open an Etsy shop in a week with all AI-designed artwork and print on demand services. “I created a series of four retro-futuristic puzzles. The MidJourney prompt was merely this: retro-futuristic. The results were just so good that I decided to use them as-is.” Note this still took a lot of editing and time, plus skill with the AI-art generator used. 

Reminder that Etsy knows it doesn’t have to keep every seller happy, just most of them [Fortune; paywall]. Josh Silverman said "...with 5.4 million sellers, no matter what you do, you’ll find 100,000 sellers that aren’t happy... We’re trying to create an ecosystem with the right incentives so most of our sellers can succeed." [my emphasis]

SEO: GOOGLE & OTHER SEARCH ENGINES 

Chat bot/AI search is the SEO hot topic of 2023 so far, but the commentary varies widely, and offerings are changing almost daily. Therefore, I will provide very few articles on the topics for the foreseeable future, since they are often going to be out of date by the time you read them. A few exceptions this time around:

One author suggests that AI will change SEO by making social media and question answering more important. 

Google is building a new AI search engine, while adding new AI features in the existing engine. 

“If your content isn’t better than what AI can produce, it’s not worth making.”

There are currently at least 7 types of queries that Google doesn’t use AI chat to respond to. [Twitter thread]

You can use Chat GPT to build Chrome extensions that complete SEO tasks and functions [I admit I can see this sort of thing being very useful for those of use who aren’t pro coders]

This post lists 7 good sources of AI news.

Since so much has happened since my last news summary, you may want to skim through update lists to make sure you didn't miss anything. Everything important that happened with Google in February is covered here (by Search Engine Roundtable), and here is March, then here is April, and finally, May.  

Google’s March Core Update saw big increases for some shopping sites, including Amazon and eBay, plus media and government sites.  Etsy seems to have dropped a fair amount, but this is just one study. Poshmark was also down. 

Want your images to show up in regular Google organic search (as opposed to Google Image search)? The quality of the page as well as the image itself can be important. The number of photos or images on the page may contribute. 

Ecommerce SEO is both the easiest and the hardest it has ever been right now. You need to do more than just post products. [slide deck]

Google updated its advice on linking, to now include advice on anchor text (aka link text) and internal links, among other changes.  

Title tags - the words that show up as your page title on Google and in the browser tab - can affect clicks beyond just keyword use.

Want to show up for Google’s featured snippets? (They’ve changed recently) You may need to edit the page in a few different ways. 

Just 16 companies (and all of their subsidiaries) control most of the top-ranking pages in Google searches. This is an old study with newly-updated information. 

A lot of small business owners ask me what “keyword difficulty” really means. Part of the problem is that different tools calculate it differently. [article has tips on how to approach the issue] On the same topic, don’t forget Bing’s keyword research tool when you are trying to find new keywords. There are 15 other free keyword tools in this article. [I always recommend Keywords Everywhere and TagCrowd] And here is a searchable site for all sorts of SEO tools (some are paid tools). 

Google’s Search Off the Record podcast took a look at moving websites, and the possible SEO issues, with solutions. [podcast and pdf transcript] Here��s a different post with a checklist for site migrations, in case you have one coming up.