#I backed everything up and reset the computer and everything seems to be working...so far

[grimdarling69]

Another de aged Dan and Ellie story or otherwise known as Crack

Pt 1 Pt2

If only Clark hadn't been busy tracking Luthor, he would have been able to save his nephew, his sons best friend.

Once again, Lex Luthor has sabotaged him. He didn't even need kryptonite to do it this time. After Lexs mental breakdown, he had apparently gone off the grid, and unsurprisingly, he wasn't able to hear anything from him. According to the snippets from Lexs staff he had apparently refused to answer to his name, started to hate it, and called his board a " bunch of idiotic bimbos who only appear to work so they could buy expensive cars and whores".

It's definitely a mental breakdown or a possession. Lex doing something to damage his image? Unheard of. Possession didn't seem likely. What kind of person posseses a ceo just to insult his board and completely change their personality? They'd be immediately noticed.

He had been investigating Lex's disappearance for the past month and a half and had only succeeded in not being around to stop his nephew from committing suicide.

Bruce had called out for him, but being halfway across the world he couldn't make it in time, and consequently Damian made it over the bridge and he had been searching for his body for the past 3 hours and he still couldn't find him.

He had never seen Dick so shaken before. Jason had barely been able to stop him from following his brother over the bridge. After he arrived on the scene, Jason started to take his brother home.

"Find his body." He had told him before turning and wrangling Dick onto his own bike

"Stop, Jay. I have to find him. Please... Uncle Clark, please. You have to bring him home. I have to... " He could hear Dick plead with them the whole way back to the cave.

He could only bring their bikes home.

They had now all retired to the cave. He was ignoring Alfred calling Steph and Cass in the other room. Ignoring their desperate denials and begging to be told it was just a cruel prank. Ignoring Dick's full body sobs into Jason's arms, shaking them both. Ignoring Bruce's absent look and ignoring how similar Bruce and Jason's grief was.

Tim, luckily, hadn't broken his leg like what they originally had thought, only popped his knee out at such an angle it looked like it. Alfred had already reset it and listed his usual recovery despite Tim not even pretending to listen to it this time. Duke had already helped him upstairs, eyes red and swollen.

Finally the the tense silence came to an end.

"Did you find anything?" Bruce, one of his oldest and closest friends, asked, his voice calm and steady, his heart unwavering as ever but he knew better.

"I'm sorry."

"Search again."

Just as he was about to fly out again, the elevator opened.

"I found this in Damian's room." Tim hurriedly spoke he was already rushing past him on his crutches to the evidence processing, not even explaining what "this" even is.

"Tim. Explain." Bruce rushing and limped past him following quickly.

Like father, like son.

"What is it?" He turned to look at Dick, he had tear stains but his eyes were dryer his mouth was set in a firm line but he was leaning heavily on his younger brother.

"Tim found something." He responded quietly, and he continued on following his friend.

They sat silently together while Tim and Bruce worked together without speaking like a well-oiled machine firm in it's objective.

He'd say Jason was as still as a corpse with his eyes glazed over unseeing, but that observation was far from appropriate,considering everything.

99% Match found. Partial fingerprints detected unknown. The computer had finally accounted after 15 minutes of silence.

He and Jason waited for Bruce and Tim to tell them instead of jumping like Dick did to get the first look. He doubted Jason could get up, Jason was strong so strong, but he was still so young.

They all were.

Especially Damian, despite all his headstrong confidence and borderline arrogance, he will still only fourteen.

Only fourteen years old and dead by suicide.

He still needed to tell Jon he was buying time by the well-timed expedition of him and Kon already off planet and galaxy on whatever Kon called "brotherly bonding with a little bit of interplanetary fighting and toppling monarchies splashed in and maybe we'll catch a movie on the way home" they had joined some green lanterns to help rescue some new green lanterns who got in between a revolution on accident. He remembers researching for days before letting Jon go, but even just the name of the planet now escapes him.

It all seemed so trivial now.

He had seen what became of Dick and Bruce when Jason had died when Dick had been off-planet, and Bruce hadn't reached out to tell him. He just hoped Jon could forgive him.

"Clark. Where is Lex Luthor." Bruce demanded turning to finally look him in the eyes.

"I'm not sure. Lex went underground a month and half ago. Why? What does he have to do with this?" Clark asked carefully. He had to be careful not to set Bruce off.

" AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TELLING ME? Bruce's voice rose exponentially.

Too late, he couldn't help but think.

"His fingerprints are all over this goddamn envelope. Whatever was inside made Damian kill himself, and you're asking what does it matter!"

"How do we know?" Dick spoke softly, his eyes still glued to the results.

Everybody turned at the same time. Jason's head snapping so fast he winced.

"Know... Know what?" Tim asks him just as softly.

" How do we know Damian is.. is dead?" He spoke again, looking up to glance at them all.

" I know Damian. He's my.. my...He wouldn't just kill himself. He couldn't have. He showed no signs of ever even contemplating it. Not even... Damian would have told me.. Would have trusted me to help him. Lex must have taken him or.. or somehow lured him away." Dick spoke hurriedly or desperate but still completely convinced.

"Chum.."

"FUCK!" Jason exclaimed standing up and kicking his chair sending into the wall hard enough to crack the plastic. His hands shook like they were itching to wrap around someone's throat. They twitched and he ran his hands through his hair, his eyes were greener than ever and glowed so strong there seemed to be a small headlight in front of him almost.

"He could be out there being tortured or worse! And we are just sitting here twiddling our thumbs like FUCKING BABIES!" His voice grew louder and louder until he was screaming into their faces.

"Jaylad-" Bruce started just by hearing that name he knew whatever Bruce was going to say was going to be the complete wrong thing.

"We are going to find him. No matter what it takes. I never gave up on Bruce, and i can't give up in my baby brother either." Tim spoke up, his voice unwavering his heartbeat never stuttering, not even once.

He risked a glance at Bruce. His old friends face was softer, looking at his sons, but his frown was determined, and he tilted his head in the way he always did when he wasn't going to give up.

They were going to bring him home. They just had too.

---------

Crack

Boy, was Damian glad about this storm. He quickly realized that he couldn't use more than one of his powers at one time. He was able to make it to the coordinates of the apparent luxurious island Vlad was hiding out on.

He was expecting actual underground, not just some shell company bought island decked in lead and man-made waterfall galore.

He was absolutely soaking wet and shivering by the time he crashed onto the island. The storm just kept on thundering down on him, plastering his clothes and hair to his face in clumps. He better not get sick from this.

Cold fog escaped his throat, and he shivered even more.

"Daniel! Is that really you?" Lex fucking Luthor called out after he'd been laying exhausted and chilled to the bone in the grimy muddy sand for a few minutes.

"Hey, fruitloop." Was the first and last thing that he said before promptly passing out.

[allmylove-t]

1: Boxes

Masterlist (Fun Little Extras)

Setting: No crash, modern au, New York City

Word Count: 1264

Pairing: Shauna Shipman x Reader (1st Person Perspective)

Morning sun illuminating bouncy curls, lip gloss, and heels against concrete. Pink lilies cradled in one arm, purse on the other. White teeth and tan skin. The first things Shauna sees as she’s about to walk into work.

“Good Morning, Shauna.” Waving at her with my free hand before I unlock the front door of my salon.

“Morning.” Her eyebrows scrunches in that sleepy way she does every day.

“How’re you today? It’s nice out, don’t you think?” I turn to look at her before walking in. Soft smile and doe eyes.

“Uh, yeah. It’s nice. Kinda chilly, but I’m ok.” She shifts her weight, very obviously not amused to be up this early.

“I guess it’s kinda chilly, but I think it’ll be in the 70 degree range later today.” Absentmindedly twirling the ends of my curls. Nervous habit. She just nods in response, shrugging.

Inhaling sharply, knowing this conversation is going nowhere. My smile widens at her anyway.

“Okie dokie. Well, I assume I’ll see you at some point soon. Have a good day, Shauna.” I walk into my salon, not waiting for a response. I’m well aware that our interaction was a little painful for the both of us. They usually are. Awkward and brief.

Shauna stands there for a moment. Clicking her tongue as she scoffs. Shaking her head as she walks into the lobby of her office building.

“Jesus Christ, Shauna. What the fuck is wrong with you?” She whispers to herself. Criticizing her own actions. She wonders how she always seems to fuck up these early morning chats. She quite literally forces herself out of bed every day at 5 a.m. just so she can be at work by 8 a.m. to talk to you. Yet she seems to forget that as soon as she sees you.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧

The morning went by smoothly, surprisingly no issues occurred. There’s usually at least one mishap that throws me off. A bottle of shampoo falls out of my hands and explodes on the floor, the computer hadn’t updated overnight so I have to pray it resets before my first client shows up, it’s always something. Not today, though. I suppose the universe decided my daily uncomfortable interaction with Shauna was enough for now.

I’m booked out all day. Luckily it’s my favorite day. The second Friday of the month. The first day of the month when I only cut hair, because it’s the day that I receive my biweekly order. New shampoo, new conditioner, new color, new everything.

I get through my first three clients of the day all before noon. Just in time to collect inventory. Walking outside, assuming I’ll be met with Andrew. He’s the nice older man who’s been delivering to me since I opened my salon. I do his wife’s hair. They’re good people. But, of course, this is where everything goes wrong. Andrew’s not here.

“Hi, I don’t think we’ve met before.” I offer my hand for this new man to shake. Politeness, niceties and all. My usual smile painted across my face, but this guy’s not having it. He gives me a once over before handing me his clipboard and pen.

“Sign here, please.” My smile wavering for just a second before I recover. Quickly signing the three pages I’ve always had to sign.

“All set!” I hand his clipboard back, earning an air of dismissal as he takes it back.

“Where’s Andrew today? He’s always done my order drop off.” I ask politely as he wheels out my boxes.

“On vacation.” His tone is stale and monotonous. Living in New York, I’ve gotten used to these things, but this is different in a way. I can tell it’s coming from a place of disrespect.

“Oh, that’s nice. Do you know when he’ll be back?” He abruptly drops the boxes at my feet, one of which landing on my toe. I begin to say something about it when he cuts me off.

“Look, lady. I have no idea, it’s none of my business, and as far as I’m concerned, it’s not yours either.” I’m genuinely shocked. Wide eyed with a loss for words. As I’m trying to conjure up a response, the only thing slipping past my lips being a scoff, someone else speaks for me.

“What the fuck is your problem? Don’t talk to her like that!” Shauna. I shift my attention to her as she walks over.

“You’re acting like a dick when she’s just asking a question about something that IS her business. So either you answer her with the politeness she’s given you, or you don’t say anything at all and just do your job.” The man is left standing there, looking embarrassed that he got called out for his shitty behavior. Stammering over his words for a moment before simply delivering the rest of my boxes and leaving.

We both watch as he rushes to leave. I offer him a soft smile and ‘thank you’ as he drops the last box.

“Dont thank him.” Her words are flat and direct. Not a suggestion, rather a demand.

“Ok.” I simply respond. We continue to stand there, looking down at the boxes at our feet. Neither of us speaking, until I decide to.

“Thank you, by the way. You didn’t have to do that.” I look up at her as she continues to just stare at the boxes.

“You don’t have to thank me. That guy was a dick, and had no reason to talk to you that way.” She finally meets my eyes. I can’t think of a good enough response, so I just nod.

“Well, either way, still, thank you.” Looking down at the boxes again. Sighing. “I guess I need to take these in now.” Without giving me time to protest, she picks up two of the boxes. Which, I should add, are really fucking heavy.

“I’ll help you.” Before I can respond, she carries the boxes into my salon. I grab one of the boxes and follow her inside. We repeat this process until all ten boxes are brought inside.

“Do you do everything in multiples of five?” Looking up at her. Eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“What?” She looks around, pointing out things to explain what she means.

“Everything is set out in groups of five, ten or fifteen. Literally everything. Additionally, everything has a designated space. There isn’t a thing out of place in here.” I, too, look around.

“I guess it’s something I don’t realize I do anymore.” Shrugging. “I’ve done it my entire life.” She nods.

“Well, it’s aesthetically pleasing, I’ll give you that… and very… pink.” I smile at that, looking up at her.

“Thanks.” She nods again.

“Don’t mention it.” We stand in silence for another brief moment.

“I should probably go back to work now.” I nod this time.

“Yeah, for sure. Thank you, again.” That earns me a smile.

“Any time.” I watch her leave. One of the girls that works for me walks to my side. She starts asking where I want the new inventory, but I cut her off.

“That was the first real interaction I’ve ever had with her.” Ella, my employee, just nods.

“Yeah, I know.” Without continuing to ask her question, she proceeds to put everything away. She always asks, but she already knows where I want things organized.

As I continue to stand there, I come to a conclusion. Maybe Shauna Shipman isn’t THAT annoying.

(Hope you enjoyed the Ella Purnell references. All my love, T <3)

[calware]

would you ever share a list of your fave fics to reread ? Id love to hear your recommendations and faves

sure thing :) i'm only going to list works that have been going on for a while (or at least have gotten past the very beginning of the story) and that i've read all the way through. i'm also not going to list any of the super iconic fics i like because this list is already pretty long. these are all based on stuff that i personally find more interesting to read about, mostly focused on the human characters and not a lot of romance

i don't really know if these first two count but they're too good to not include:

Jade Route by spicyyeti

a post-epilogues comic centering around jade, this is my favorite homestuck fanwork. i especially love the artwork and the way it frames the story. it is reaaallllly hard to read it on a phone so make sure to read it on a computer or tablet

House of Dirk by imarriedacherub no rating - graphic depictions of violence - 13,570 words - 20 chapters (unfinished) A sitcom about completely normal and well-adjusted newlyweds Dirk and Caliborn attempting to make a good impression on their son, Dave, and his boyfriend, Karkat.

another comic, this one hosted on both ao3 and mspfa (though the ao3 version has more pages). i like how ridiculous it is. will probably never be finished, sadly

moving on to the actual fics:

Reallocated by breezefulskies mature - chose not to use archive warnings - 324,756 words - 65 chapters (unfinished) Hal finds himself stranded aboard a certain meteor, impact-bound for Houston, Texas circa 1995. And everything spirals out from there. Because sometimes, when a system seems to be just short of defunct, all that is required is to take a step back and reevaluate the materials at hand and redistribute your available resources. And so, with birth comes a countdown on a cycle that begins as it ends: In the red.

hal is mysteriously sent to earth via unknown means and finds himself raising a baby as best as he can, which, given that he's glasses, is not easy. this is my favorite homestuck fic, not just because it's about hal, but also because i love the focus on family dynamics and the plot as it unfolds. begging everyone to read this, i can't say what happens exactly without spoiling things, it's just really really good. at the moment, it updates once a month

Ersatz Abyss by katreal mature - no archive warnings apply - 120,092 words - 39 chapters (unfinished) You look into the mirror to find your own face looking back at you. You laugh. And then you cry. Last, you try and figure out how you got to this moment. The Auto-Responder had long since resigned himself to an artificial existence, his only dwindling hope for escape hinging on a promise that has yet to be fulfilled. Then one day he wakes up, Dirk nowhere to be found. What's the point in getting what you want, if you can't show off a little?

another great hal fic. i managed to get my roommate (who has not read homestuck) to read this and they really enjoyed it, so i'm sure you all won't have any problems liking this one either. there are a lot of fics out there of hal getting a body, but this one is very different in that it's not the happy ending that you might first think it is. this fic perfects the feeling of everything snowballing into a bigger and bigger problem until it all falls apart

Falling for the First Time by nobrandhero teen - no warnings apply - 63,818 words - 11/17 chapters The game is over, Alpha Earth resets to 2009, and Dirk's bro doesn't live up to expectations. The movie director who appears so chill and stoic in interviews is actually a talkative, needy dweeb like his teenage counterpart. It's not a bad thing, as far as Dirk's concerned.

for whatever reason, i'm a sucker for fics where the characters somehow end up on earth again post-game, and out of all the fics that follow that concept this one is my favorite. sadly, this one barely touches on jane and jake, but it's pretty interesting to read about what dirk and roxy are getting up to with their guardians (and the earth) restored to their previous conditions

The Haunted Harley House by hemoanarchists teen - chose not to use archive warnings - 78,462 words - 23 chapters (finished) There is an old house you built a long long time ago, alongside someone very close to you. Now as you don a new name, slipping back into society to care for a descendant, to whom tragedy has left you as her only family left, you take her to the house, the house that bears your family name. You really shouldn't have been surprised when he came to join you. It is his house too, after all.

carlah, a young girl who lives on earth c, has just been taken in by her uncle "jacob harley" after her mother's death. as time goes on, she slowly learns more about the true nature of her new guardians and the house they all live in. normally i'm not that interested in OCs but i love how intriguing carlah is as an outsider of the story. it's really easy to get invested in her as she uncovers a mystery we all know from the beginning and another that we have to learn along with her. shoutout to dysfunctional family dynamics

actually, while i'm at it, i'm going to recommend a bunch of other stuff he's written:

Atlantis Bound teen - chose not to use archive warnings - 33,263 words - 8 chapters (unfinished) Dirk tracks down an old friend

prequel to the haunted harley house but can also be read after (or separately). i really like the dynamic between dirk and vriska here, and i also love the way vriska's repeated reincarnation is utilized. vriska's journey through the newest iteration of her life while dirk watches over her is soooo captivating, especially when snippets of her previous lives are sprinkled in throughout. do you guys love cycles? personally i love cycles

Cherubian mature - chose not to use archive warnings - 54,011 words - 29 chapters (unfinished) The 5000 year time skip never happened, at the dawn of time the gods desperately try to guide the planet into a better future. But with tensions rising it feels like one bad day could bring everything crumbling down.

all of dante's earth-c god fics as a whole changed my brain chemistry and this acts as the beginning (and catalyst) of that overarching story. a lot happens in a very short amount of time

Transitional teen - no warnings apply - 1,860 words - oneshot a simple question what changed when you went godtier?

super simple but also an interesting exploration of the headcanon that players' bodies change when they go godtier. the twist is that each "change" is unique to each character and relates to their Self in some way

Monster under the bed teen - chose not to use archive warnings - 2,573 words - oneshot Skeletons in the Closet mature - chose not to use archive warnings - 2,910 words - oneshot Small Talk teen - no warnings apply - 8,944 words - 6 chapters (unfinished)

putting all three of these together because i believe(?) they're all part of the same narrative

[gunbun]

wolianger week day 2: memorial

also on AO3

"eleven-eleven"

Tiona accidentally forgets an important, tragic anniversary, but this leads she and Urianger into discussing past and present love.

The skies of the Goblet were beginning to cloud over, obscuring the jeweled blanket of stars that was the usual nighttime over Thanalan.

Tiona leaned away from where she'd been hunched over the eyepiece of the large astroscope in the front yard of the adventurers' hall she now called home. 'Adventurer' being a loose term – most of the folks who lived there were academics of a sort, including the dour and grumpy roegadyn woman whose fringe astrology teachings both she and Urianger were here to learn.

(Tiona was learning the basics; where the stars were in the sky and how they moved and how to intuit their aetheric signatures against the Lifestream. Urianger, unfortunately, was learning something involving gravitational fields and background radiation and doing all the mountains of calculus that came with it.)

The group of stars comprising the Bole were due to set soon anyway, and with a shrug she recorded one more set of stellar coordinates and then hopped off the large, black, burnished-metal machine, being sure to reset the levers that put the optics cover back in place. Keltgeim was a dour, grumpy roegadyn woman and Tiona was certain she'd turn into a murderous one if the astroscope in the yard was not taken care of.

Everything set back the way it was when she'd started, Tiona gathered up her notebook and graphite pencil and went back inside. As she crossed the threshold, closing the door behind her, she heard a dull crack of thunder and heard rain start to patter against the roof. For a moment she stood there, her ears angled toward the door, and let out a small sigh.

As good a time as ever, she figured, to work on her reading. As far as she could tell, the Eorzean language was her second, and though by and large she didn't struggle with simple texts (though the Ul'dahn journalists loved to use long words and stilted metaphor in their articles), the sorts of tomes and journals the astrologians tended to rely upon were still a bit… beyond her.

Perhaps, she figured as she made her way down the warmly-lit wooden hall toward the room she and Urianger shared, she could give the second volume of the Encyclopaedia Eorzea a try…

Her intention was to pull Urianger away from his high-level differential equations for an hour or so, such that she could read aloud to him (he had been, from the beginning, surprisingly not judgmental about her difficulties and seemed always eager to help, and besides, it was an excuse for them to cuddle and not concern themselves with their studies); however, this idea went entirely up in flames when she entered the room.

She was then faced with the sight of him hunched over the table that was covered in pages of proofs. Tiona recognized the symbols and formulae; mathematics was universal in a way words were not, and every time she looked at his work there was something oddly familiar about it. However, it seemed as though both words and computation were beyond Urianger; he had one hand covering his face, and she could hear him sobbing quietly. The man looked like a final-year Radz-at-Han student during exam week.

Keltgeim was knowledgeable, and just as kooky as one would expect an astrologian to be, but apparently the elezen had reached his limit.

Frowning sympathetically, ears cocking in his direction, Tiona set her notebook and star-chart atop a low bookshelf and slowly breached the distance, until she stood behind him and rested both hands on his shoulders.

"Uri," she said softly, "I believe, as you would say, that something's amiss. What multi-matrix subfunction has she asked you to solve?"

At that, he chuckled, lowering his hand and wiping at his eyes, which were bloodshot and red. He then reached back to lay his hands atop hers. "Would that it were merely a frustration with numeric pursuits, beloved."

Tiona looked confused for a moment, until she remembered – "... ah shite. The anniversary."

Of Moenbryda's death. Today. And she'd said nothing of it to him. Such a short-sighted thing to do, really–

"Did you want to talk about it?"

"Surely 'twould not be appropriate–" He frowned, tears glittering in his near-hypnotic golden eyes, turning his chair so he could meet her gaze.

"Why wouldn't it be?" She lowered her chin, kissing the top of his head, her hands squeezing his shoulders. She felt him sag against her, as though her touch drained all the tension from his body all at once.

"I loved her."

"I know. Do you think I would be jealous?"

"... it is not entirely outside the realm of possibility, my dear bright star. Passions are oft fickle, and the reactions they invoketh between lovers are–" He paused, looking up at her with a sheepish grin. "Mine apologies. Nothing thou hast said hath given me cause for concern."

"Good. Because I'm not jealous. I know what it's like. Don't you remember what I told you that day?"

It will hurt. For the rest of your life. There's going to be a void inside of you that will never be filled all the way. I know from experience, and I am so truly sorry.

Tiona's words from the day Moenbryda died rang through Urianger's mind just as clearly as if she'd recited it to him just now. But she hadn't said more, merely stood close, her fingers slowly carding through his hair. "I'm not jealous," she said again, this time earnestly, after a few seconds of silence, "and I’m sure you know why."

He had had ideas, of course, but figured the discussion of dead lovers to be wholly inappropriate, especially considering his own feelings for the rava. How he'd pined for her for years, praying fervently that she would find him again– certainly he should have made his peace with losing Moenbryda. With Tiona in his arms, he felt he shouldn't have been occasionally mourning his loss.

Sighing, he nodded, wiping tears from his eyes and leaning against Tiona. "I still feel a great shame about it all."

She annihilated his attempts at stoicism– though, as he'd sworn to her on the eve of their victory, there was nothing he would ever hide from her again, so he wasn't exactly keen to tell even a half truth– and he loved her deeply for it. Tiona was a welcoming presence in his life, and he had no intentions to squander the love that she'd given and that had likely brought him home.

"I do, too. About mine. I know I don't follow my own advice, but it's alright that you feel what you feel. If you wish to speak of it, I'll listen."

There was a long pause, and Urianger looked up at her to see her with darkened cheeks and a sheepish smile.

It occurred to him then that Tiona had never spoken beyond the generalities of what she'd experienced and who she'd lost– he surmised she'd been with a past lover who had met their untimely end, but he had never pressed the matter, and she had never explicitly provided details.

"I oft wondered," he said thoughtfully, "about thy situation. Thou never didst speak of–"

"I told you, Uri. I don't take my own advice. Call it a character flaw." Despite the somber mood, she was chipper, laughing quietly. "But you really do love her, don't you?"

He found it interesting that she would repeat something he’d already said. It was also interesting that she didn't use the past tense.

The most interesting thing of all, however, was that Tiona was exactly right – he did love Moenbryda, and perhaps part of him always would. When Urianger finally was able to voice the thought aloud, he found he could not meet the rava's eyes, his own still glistening with tears.

"You know that that's why I never pursued you, aye? I knew you were already spoken for in that regard." Her voice was still even, friendly, her usual rough cadence and occasional overemphasis of a syllable here and there a comforting blend of the familiar and foreign. Tiona was still on her feet, her arms still around him where he sat, her fingers still slowly and rhythmically trailing against his scalp, a soothing gesture. “If you and she were meant to be secret, you did a poor job of it.”

And there went his bright star again, her honesty and ease with the situation tearing down every wall he’d ever laid in front of her, offering reassurance and laughter (he hadn’t laughed much before their successes in Norvrandt, and he laughed now because Tiona was right – none of it had been a secret) and a small oasis of normalcy in the midst of all the world-changing business the Scions were involved with. He hadn’t had that before, and the darkly thoughtful parts of his soul often saw fit to tell him that perhaps he didn’t deserve it.

“Thou art, in many ways,” he said, reaching to lace his fingers amongst Tiona’s, “similar to her. However, I, being a fool, could not afford to be wholly honest regarding matters of the heart. ‘Twas a relationship that suffered from distance and separation– and yet, thou art correct. My love for her will always be present, and – truly, Tiona, wherefore art thou not jealous of this fact?” He was not certain why he found it so unnerving that she wasn’t.

“Because my story and yours aren’t all that different. You two were scholars. Vibeka and I were soldiers. But it was the exact same for me. Someone I was close to, but in a … complex way. And then she was gone.”

He learned more about Tiona in those few choppy sentences– and he could hear her chipper tone breaking just a little bit as she spoke them– than he had ever learned before from the years of friendship and reading lessons. He realized then that he had wanted her to be jealous, because if she held resentment to him for it, it meant she’d never had her heart shattered into pieces just like he had. He hated the idea of her feeling as he had– lonely and grieving and utterly hollow–

She did not deserve such tragedy. (He did.)

“Thou art taking thine own advice, beloved.” He leaned away from her so that he could look up into her eyes. "But I am truly sorry such a thing didst happen to thee."

She looked down at him, pensive, and with her own tears threatening to fall. Like him, she was probably caught up in memories of times past, or perhaps idle thoughts of a future that would never be. If she hadn’t already broken her way through his figurative walls to find the man he was beyond personas and duty, she would have rendered them transparent just the same. She saw through him, and he needed that from her.

“It’s a little easier with someone who understands,” Tiona whispered, a sudden smile on her face once her crimson eyes focused back on his. She had a manner of looking at people that clearly indicated she was paying close attention. She fixed him with this gaze as though she was trying to figure him out.

He knew already that she’d succeeded.

For that, he loved her. “Of course I would understand. I only wish thou wouldst have told me sooner of what had transpired for thee in the jungle, before thine arrival to Eorzea.” He looked back up at her; the smile on her face was genuine but the unshed tears still glimmered in the corner of her eyes.

She blinked them back and sighed, patting at his shoulder and stepping back to sit down with him at the table. Tiona’s shoulders were slumped and her ears were angled down, pinned slightly against the back of her head, and she was uncharacteristically still. “...what I just told you is all anyone knows. Because that's really most of what I remember. And I didn’t tell anyone about it. Today of all days– my woes ought not to be what we talk about. But I empathize with you on this. And I always will. What we’ve both had happen I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.” Leaning forward, she reached to take his hand in both of hers, rubbing thumbs across his knuckles. “All that in mind– what do you need from me? I can find something else to do if you’d rather be alone, or want to continue your work–”

Urianger was already shaking his head, pushing away from the table and turning toward her. A fresh wave of tears fell from his eyes. “I beg of thee, stay. I shall see to this ridiculous task Keltgeim hath set for me later." There was an earnestness in his voice when he continued: "Never again shall we face these old sorrows alone, my bright star. If I must still grieve, I would do it in thine arms, if thou wouldst permit it."

Tiona turned toward him, reaching so he could do just that.

[presidentdisastraofgallifrey]

Live-blogging Gallifrey: Ascension

Romana the second she finds herself at home: I am not your President I don’t want to be your President please don’t make me do this again

Sefghkjugfdsw mandatory lockdowns. Imagine that.

Also how long has it been since Pandora? Are they saying there’s been ANOTHER war since then? That line was unclear

“Absolutely without precedent. Well, except for that one time.” That is VERY Time Lord

“Under Romana, things were so much better. A golden age of Gallifrey.” How long has it been?? You all HATED her. And also she started a war and declared herself dictator

She can’t fucking escape this life even when she doesn’t want power lol

Oh I think Leela should get to be a werewolf proper btw. Not just heightened senses but everything else that goes with it

Oh dang, Jevon has Andred’s job now (I had to look him up to be sure but I KNEW i remembered him as one of the guards who was a dick to Leela on alt!Gallifrey and I feel proud I was right)

Non consensual presidency

Ok so this is recontextualizing last episode, but I still think Renaissance is my least favorite so far just for listening to

Oh is it time for Zombie Apocalypse 2: Electric Boogaloo?

Anyone who says “not now, K-9” really deserves what’s about to happen to them

They JUST put her back in power and already everyone is yelling at her what to do. Do they really treat every President like this, or just her?

Do. Not. Give. This. Guy. Your. Codes. He is clearly SO shady

You’d think she’d be better at protecting these after, you know, not giving them to the daleks for twenty years

“But Narvin will have a fit! …which makes it worth it 😏” Amazing

She used to judge how much danger they were about to be in by the Doctor saying “what could go wrong?” “It can’t do any more harm” should NOT be in her vocabulary. You should know better, Madame President

*literally cuts to things exploding*

I need Trey to kiss Leela

Narvin: saves Leela’s life

Narvin five minutes later: But why did you come back for me? 🤔

I don’t feel too bad about Leela being confused by Slyne’s appearance, since Romana did the same thing at first

WAIT THE MATRIX CAN RESET REAL LIVING PEOPLE?? Whose idea was this, that’s such a bad plan!!

Narvin like “I leave you alone for a few hours and you seize power again”

Oh damn Leela. Good for her

This is still ridiculous. Not out of character for time lords of course, but utterly ridiculous. They’re so connected to the matrix it can treat them like a computer in need of a rollback to previous save

I know it’s widely assumed renegades are deleted from the matrix but he just included them. Are the Doctor and Master asleep somewhere too and about to wake up confused? (One with no memory of a current companion, the other stuck mid plan no idea what it was?) Can this set people back to previous regenerations? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS

Sigh. It really is always the daleks

I never thought the exterminating monsters would exterminate MY face! 😧

Let Romana say fuck

I would like to point out that, while as Leela likes to point out none of the time lords are particularly athletic, Romana does seem to get winded the fastest every time they have to run away

And she’s facing the idea of potential dalek torture again, oh this is so delicious

(Also the “they’ll rip it from my mind if they have to” implies she couldn’t resist them again which goes nicely with the idea of her psychic barriers being all messed up)

I know Trey is fake but I like the idea that Romana programmed her to be enough of herself that she is also dealing with dalek trauma

WAIT THE FACT THAT TREY IS FAKE HAS ANOTHER GREAT IMPLICATION: Romana met her before creating her, but she’s not real so it wouldn’t really be a paradox if she regenerated into her…because she thought she was hot

I love Leela and Narvin’s we’re-friends-now dynamic

“It is customary to knock before entering my office” SINCE WHEN MA’AM

Lmao this only works because they expect her be self sacrificial instead of cunning

(She is, of course, both)

This is of course deliciously tragic, but I’m also laughing because this is THREE TIMES now that the matrix has been destroyed or rendered useless in this show

Leela’s right, you dumbass. This is your worst plan ever

Oh I love Narvin being called a weirdo. He is so weird, just not as weird as her his friends

Dfjkhfds he’s going to the Doctor I did NOT see that coming

Oh SHIT genesis of the daleks was directly because of Narvin\

Actually imagining a version of Genesis now where the Doctor got more information, namely that this was about saving Gallifrey his friend he hasn't met yet

Helps to save everyone -> Immediately starts the time war

Ok this hurts. If Narvin could have waited like. An HOUR, it might have all been alright. Gallifrey would be safe and the time war wouldn’t have happened

But this also means that the time war happened directly because of that one time the Doctor didn’t destroy all the daleks. Not indirectly, as in they existed to do it, but directly because of that. Damn! Do you think he knows?

[noivoom]

AAAAA couldn’t stop thinking about yesterday’s episode. There was a lot to unpack and others went over the Big Main Things better than I can so I just wanted to share some of my thoughts on a couple of other things

incoherent ramble time

First of all, I think we all noticed the Computer’s sudden change of attitude. What it said to Sun at the end about the Old Moon being gone and needing to accept that was SO INTERESTING. Just… the WAY it spoke, slowly and almost hesitantly, as if it was just coming to those realisations itself. It’s constantly been comparing Moon to his old self, behaving like they’re still the same, treating him with more and more snark as if actively trying to get him to act “correctly”. Forcing him to work under pressure, treating taking Sun off the “subject list” like a joke, ramping up its attitude... surely it’ll work eventually, right? He’ll start acting like his old self in no time, they just have to keep pushing. It almost seemed frustrated that Moon constantly refused to. Because Moon isn’t the same person anymore. He hasn’t been the same person since the day he woke up.

All of the Old Moon’s actions, his anger and distance and defensiveness, it all stemmed from the fear and trauma of spending most of his life trapped in someone else’s body while also dealing with the kill code (has anyone else ever thought about how terrifying the first moments of his existence would’ve been?? Stuck helplessly in the head of someone who doesn’t even know he’s there, he doesn’t know why and all he can do is lash out in anger because it’s not fair and I have A LOT of feelings about this but that’s for a different post entirely).

New Moon didn’t have that. Sure things were far from perfect with Eclipse and everything, but he had a family. Sun was there to tell him what’s going on, and Earth to teach him good habits. Sure, he has a similar personality, same sense of humour, similar reactions when mad (meeting Banban in VRchat and that one Roblox maze, anyone?), but his base personality only goes so far. He hasn’t learned the same behaviours. He’s a different person now.

(… where was I going with this? RIGHT THE COMPUTER.)

I always thought that maybe the Computer was suddenly being an ass because it didn’t know how to deal with Moon’s reset. It wasn’t really created with that kind of emotional range in mind, and it’s never had to deal with something like this before. This whole time the Computer’s been clinging to the Old Moon, whether in some kind of grief or denial it’s been refusing to process. But I think what Moon said to Sun, “you refuse to think I can be different,” made it FINALLY realise that Old Moon and New Moon aren’t the same, and only when talking to Sun did it start to actually accept the fact. Again, the way it spoke then... it really felt like just as significant a moment character-wise for the Computer as it was for Moon.

Maybe it’s going to be more empathetic from now on. OR I’m completely wrong about all this and it goes back to it’s regularly scheduled dickishness in a few episodes, that’s possible too lol—

I can’t help but wonder how long Moon’s been sitting on this, though? He cares about Sun so much, he’s been trying so hard to help and prove he’s different, but it must still hurt that he’s receiving the fallout of actions he doesn’t even remember. He only knows what happened second-hand through what little Sun tells him and a freaking youtube channel of all things; he doesn’t understand why the Old Moon did the things he did. They’re quite literally different people at this point. And he knows Sun’s struggling, knows Sun has every right to feel this way, but he can’t help if Sun doesn’t let him. He’s been trying so hard to prove that he won’t treat Sun like the Old Moon did, he doesn’t WANT to hurt him like that, ever, but after finding out Sun lied to him, it must feel like he’s been making no progress at all. How long has this been festering in his mind? An outburst like that doesn’t just happen. It wouldn’t help that Earth is the only one who never knew the Old Moon, and thus doesn’t have any expectations of how he should act outside of how he is now. Not to mention the Star still affecting the rest of the Pizzaplex. How long has he felt trapped by the shadow of his predecessor?

Another thing I’ve noticed is the whole… “giving more attention to Moon’s problems” thing. For most of the show, Sun’s issues have been largely ignored, brushed off, or relegated to a “one-time issue that’s been resolved”. Because this is Sun, he’s the happy one, he always bounces back, he’s always fine in the end! Right? I’m so glad he’s been having the spotlight recently, he absolutely deserves it and needs to have his issues addressed. But something that occurred to me after this episode is that that same issue has been threatening to repeat itself, just in the opposite direction. Because Moon’s fine now, he doesn’t remember any of his trauma, he’s all relaxed and goofy so there’s no need to worry! Something that’s been rather prevalent in this show is cycles. Moon hurting Sun and apologising, only to slowly start falling back into the same behaviours that caused the issue in the first place. Sun screws up, Moon fixes it, Sun wants to be useful and does something else that results in more problems. One brother starts spiralling, the other spirals because of it. THE TRUCK LOAD OF MISCOMMUNICATION. Sun’s mental issues certainly are more immediately concerning (for obvious reasons), but the last thing we need is yet another cycle of one brother’s issues overshadowing the others. If anything, this is actually the perfect opportunity for them to break out of this particular cycle before it can even get started, as well as the communication issues everyone’s been talking about. They both have their own issues, and sometimes they clash in the worst ways (as we saw frequently in the past), but neither of them should invalidate the other. This is their chance for both of them to start putting things right.

[as-if-and-only-if]

hmm, parents’ iMac from almost 10 years ago is dying. Fusion drive; HDD seems fine but SSD seems, well, fucked. Kernel panics causing a boot loop—no Macintosh HD visible—etc.

But not completely fucked. Adventure!

Brought it into the Apple Store today: guy turned the computer on in target disk mode (where it behaves like an external hard drive), connected it to a laptop, and there everything is! all the data!

get home, do exactly the same thing—doesn’t work.

The Fusion Drive shows up in disk utility, but of the (adjacent) partitions under “Macintosh HD”, which are (another) “Macintosh HD” and “Macintosh HD - Data”, only the latter will mount. Can’t seem to read anything from it, though. (“Permission denied”—weird.)

Meanwhile, if you mount and open the parent Macintosh HD, you see four empty folders: Library, System, Applications, Users, iirc.

Trying to restore any of these to an external hard drive via disk utility fails because the “seal is broken”. `diskutil apfs list` shows that every disk is unsealed except for the unmountable leaf Macintosh HD, which has a broken seal. (No data/user is encrypted with FileVault or anything on this disk, fwiw. diskutil unlockVolume doesn’t do anything as a result.)

Ok. So, I try `ddrescue`; this is where “Fatal read error: permission denied” comes from. Then I try it on the physical disks. Works fine on the HDD for quite a while, copying away with no errors. Encounters loads of read errors on the SSD. Pretty regularly, too, which I found odd: one every 6-8 seconds without fail. But it’s apparently able to rescue some data in the meantime, so I figure this isn’t just some timeout.

But what use to me is a bunch of corrupted data? It bugs me that it was working in the Apple Store. Let’s just get there again! What was different?

The only things I can think of are:

it was turned off (but plugged in) overnight beforehand. I don’t know anything about SSD failures, but maaaaybe something electrical is afoot.

maybe there was something about the exact sequence of things he tried first in the Apple Store. What was it? Recovery mode, safe mode, PRAM reset, halfway through internet recovery, then shut it down and go for target disk mode…?

maybe the fact that he had it plugged into ethernet mattered for some wacky reason. maybe some of the relevant components are near each other. what if the wifi card is heating up and disrupting the SSD, or something? well, that probably wouldn’t be immediate, and so wouldn’t explain the kernel panic. but, who knows.

Maybe something just jostled back into place while carrying the computer into the store and jostled back out while carrying it out.

Favorite option so far is something electrical having a really long relaxation time of some sort. So we’ll see, I guess…!

[carakook]

Honey boo are you doing well?

How are you?

Please dont overwork yourself!!

OK LONG RAMBLE INCOMING ABOUT BLOOM BUT: This is so damn sweet. Not gonna lie, I’m a bit stressed out, and I nearly teared up when reading this because it’s so sweet that someone checked on me. You lil Angel!!! 🥲

If you care to know the long version of what happened to chapter 5 and why it’s so late, read below, if not, tldr is that I had to rewrite chapter 5 but it is coming I pinky promise. 🥲

I have avoided making an update on what happened with Bloom because it has me STRESSED and IRRITATED. I didn’t want to make it seem as if I was avoiding uploading chapter 5 and can’t stick to a schedule, because I fucking hate empty promises and being late. Especially since I have said I would upload it like twice now and haven’t. 🥲

Bloom Chapter 5 is still very much alive, however, I did not write it as a draft on Wattpad like I normally do. This is where I feel I fucked up badly. I integrated Bloom and Metamorphosis both into word documents so that I could have it all in front of me to reference as I write. Chapter 5 was finished (and nearly 16k words long), and I was planning on uploading it last Saturday at 11am central time. All I had to do was grammar check it.

As I was grammar checking it Friday night, my computer froze, and when I turned it back on it was not working at all. It would turn back on, and then it would freeze again shortly after. I could barely even open the browser. This was an issue not only because I was using it to write, but because that’s the laptop that I use for my job as well. I’m not very tech savvy so I had to do a bunch of googling and went as far as contacting my ex when trouble shooting everything google said didn’t work, (ew fucking gross holy shit EW!!! But he’s a computer nerd and I didn’t know who else to go to!) and he told me I needed to factory reset it and re-install windows and that should fix it.

I was unaware that in doing this, all of my files would be deleted if not backed up. And they were not backed up recently. I’m also pretty sure there was an option to keep the files I had on my computer but I didn’t pay attention when resetting it and reinstalling windows, I just clicked the buttons and hoped for the best. That’s my own damn fault. I was in a rush to fix it because I was panicking.

You can probably guess the rest. After resetting my computer, I found out that the most recent backup was when Bloom Chapter 5 was only 5K words long. And I tried for literal hours to see if there was a way to recover the file. But I couldn’t. Not only was Bloom affected, but Metamorphosis too. My computer is fixed now thank god, but I lost a good chunk of my work.

Metamorphosis was originally a reader x JK fic, but I wanted to change it because, as I stated in the poll, it’s a fic that is very specific and I don’t think a lot of readers could really relate to the MC. So I had to go in and edit the entire chapter and rewrite it to reflect that, and I also ended up adding things to the first chapter. But after the shit that happened to my computer, barely any of it is edited in the word document that’s backed up.

This was all very frustrating for me because not only did I have to re-write chapter 5 of Bloom but I also am going to have to re-edit metamorphosis.

I’m sure this could’ve been avoided some how but I was paranoid about my computer not being fixed in time for my job. I rely on it to work, without it I literally can’t do my job. And I have bills to pay. So I kinda freaked out and did this all very carelessly.

This is all on top of the irl stress going on in my life.

My point in this ramble is that I’m sorry Bloom Chapter 5 isn’t out yet. I have been rewriting it slowly since this happened last week, but it was kind of discouraging because I was really proud of what was written. But it’s ok!! As I’ve been rewriting it I’ve added some details that weren’t there before and sort of reformatted how the chapter goes. So it will still be just as good. And it’s almost done, I’m just working on the last parts of it.

Metamorphosis I haven’t touched. I’ve been focusing on trying to finish this chapter of Bloom before touching anything else because I know y’all are excited about it, I am too. I love writing Bloom but this kinda just made me ☹️

I’m sorry I haven’t been on schedule (lol I announced the schedule and didn’t stick to it, wtf), normally I’m very on time when I set a schedule for something, I’m rarely late. But I promise after chapter 5 comes out, it’ll be more consistent. And I’m making sure this isn’t happening again, I liked using word documents because I had every chapter in one place, but I’m not doing that shit again. I have actually just moved chapter 5 to a tumblr draft and am working on it there, because as soon as I write the last word I’m uploading it, and it won’t be lost that way if something happens to my dumb ass laptop. 😭

I’m sorry guys. I don’t wanna disappoint anyone. But I’m working on it I promise. And thank you for checking on me to who wrote this ask, you don’t know how sweet that is or how much it means to me. Irl I’m kind of a hermit, I don’t have many friends and I’m not super close to my family, and I work at home as I’ve stated before so I don’t go out much. So no one checks on me really. So thank you, really. I love you. 😭💜

After posting this, I’m working on finishing chapter 5. The moment it is finished I’m uploading it. I wanted to post this because seeing this ask made me feel better about explaining why it’s so late, and also I didn’t want you guys thinking I just wasn’t going to upload it. Anyways… I won’t make promises but I’m hoping to have it finished tonight and posted tomorrow night. Fingers crossed. 🤞

[veebs-hates-video-games]

Ok so what if I made a list of things I started at some point in the past like five years or so and haven't finished but am still pretending I'll get back to them eventually? Maybe that would be interesting to literally no one but me, which is good enough.

The Witcher 3 is one of my favorite games ever. I'm like 90 hours into it, have at least twice that left to go, and I haven't touched it in like three years. Like most of the rest of this first section the main problem is that it's on my computer, and being able to sit comfortably in a way that doesn't injure myself while also being able to see the screen isn't going well these days.

Tales of Berseria is also a lot of fun, but it has the computer problem. I need more Magilou because she's such a gremlin.

Final Fantasy 13-2 is definitely my favorite post-12 FF game and might even be the one I've had the most fun with since 6, 7, and 8. Alas, computer.

BlazBlue Cross Tag Battle is a very silly crossover that feels like it shouldn't exist. I keep saying I'll go back and finish the rest of the storylines, but computer and also I just haven't had a strong desire to yet. I did figure out that I can win fights using an old Guitar Hero guitar though, so that was fun.

Berserk and the Band of the Hawk is something I started after finally getting caught up on the manga after years and years, because I tend to like Warriors/Musou games when I'm in the right mood. It's decent but not amazing, which hasn't motivated me to get past the computer issue.

Xenoblade Chronicles X is technically also a computer thing because I was playing it in Cemu. It gets extra bonus points for being hard to see because the text and UI are so small, but also I managed to break my save file like 70 hours in and haven't gotten around to figuring out what's wrong with it yet. Everything seems fine except my character and the camera get loaded in different locations, and I could probably use the memory editor to reset my location and fix it, but it's not worth the trouble until I can see.

Boyfriend Dungeon is great and I already finished the base game right when it came out, and I've been meaning to go back and do the post-launch stuff they added later and still haven't.

Atelier Ryza finally got good like half a dozen hours in after one of the worst-paced intros I've ever seen, and I haven't worked up the fortitude to try playing more past there so far.

A Slug's Dream has some decent puzzles and I was enjoying it enough, but I totally forgot it even existed. Maybe some day.

Xenogears I also keep forgetting because it's in an emulator on my computer and not somewhere I remember to look to see what game I should play. It sort of bypasses the usual computer problem by being ancient and designed for 480i screens so everything is huge. I'll finish it one of these days.

Ok I think that's all the stuff on the computer. There are a couple others that I'm not including because I only made it like an hour into them before getting sidetracked, so I'll just start them over if I ever go back to them.

3DS next? 3DS next.

Fire Emblem Fates is what's currently in there I think. It's taken multiple years, but I've finished Birthright and most of Conquest. Some day I'll finish that one and then maybe do Revelation. Any year now...

Shadows of Valentia might come back around too. I've had enough of a break to at least partly get over how mediocre a lot of the maps are and how annoying certain enemy types are, and I do want to at least try to finish it for the sake of the story, just not while I'm in the middle of pretending to play Fates too.

Shadow Dragon deserves another chance too when I'm in a better frame of mind for it, I just don't know when that'll be.

Radiant Historia is amazing and I really need to get back to it and finish it, and I don't know why my brain keeps not letting me for the past couple years. One of these days it will though, and it'll be great.

Kid Icarus: Uprising is also pretty great, but it's physically painful for me to play. I keep saying I want to try to figure out some way to work around that, but it's been multiple years and I still haven't.

Shovel Knight is one I completely forgot I even have, but it was way better than I expected and I should give it another chance.

Project X Zone is another ridiculous crossover that feels like it shouldn't exist, and it's pretty fun sometimes too, but wow does it really drag sometimes with how long each level is and how many of them there are. I might be able to manage it in smaller chunks though.

Ok Switch gets to be in a separate post or I'm going to run out of tags.

[kilosch]

Journal Entry 10/29/2024

The Psych Exam – A Step Closer to Becoming an Officer: Woke up early at 7:30 a.m. to head to DSH for my online psych test. The process was much longer than expected, and finding parking felt like an eternity. The email wasn’t kidding—parking there is a nightmare. After circling around, I managed to park right in front of the DSH Police Department. The first thing I noticed? Chargers. I thought, “Daaaang, they’ve got budget for Chargers!?”

The admin building was a quick 2-minute walk, but it was still surreal being surrounded by officers and staff—a glimpse into the environment I’ll hopefully work in soon. When I got to the third floor, I had a nice chat with a Filipina nurse in Tagalog before heading to HR. I checked in, letting them know I was there for my psych exam, and waited for a few minutes until one of the HR staff called us to follow him to the testing area.

Contingent Offer & Psych Test Details: Before we could start the exam, the HR guy handed us some paperwork to sign, and the first one was a contingent offer letter. My heart skipped a beat—finally, an offer! It’s not official yet, of course, but getting a contingent offer is a big step. The letter read: “Office of Protective Services, Department of State Hospitals,” with the OPS logo right on top. I signed the paper, feeling proud of making it this far.

The HR guy explained the remaining steps I need to pass before the job becomes official:

Physical Agility Test (PAT)

Medical Exam

Online Psychological Evaluation

One-on-One Psychological Interview

Since I already passed the background check and completed PC 832, I’m on the home stretch. They also asked about nepotism, confirming if I knew anyone working at DSH—which I don’t, so I’m clear there.

The psych evaluation itself was a marathon. I had to go through:

Personality Test

California Psychological Inventory™ (CPI)

Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI)

I honestly had no clue how to prepare for these tests, so I just answered truthfully. The questions were repetitive at times, but I stayed focused, knowing this was part of the process. Two hours later, I was done. Finally.

Celebration Stop – Starbread Filipino Bakery: To reward myself for surviving the psych test, I made a 12-minute detour to Cerritos to visit Starbread. I ended up buying 30 pieces of Spanish bread—couldn’t help myself! The drive home was awful, though. What was supposed to be 25 minutes turned into an hour due to a traffic incident. The stop-and-go traffic drove me insane, but I managed to stay calm knowing I’d survived the test.

Catching Up on Work & Workout Routine: Once I got home, I jumped on my computer to catch up on work. There were some tasks that needed my attention, and I spent a good amount of time wrapping things up before heading out to Planet Fitness. I did a 15-minute bike workout to start preparing for the PAT—I want to feel confident going into it, so building some stamina is crucial.

After the workout, I got back home just in time for the 3:45 p.m. meeting, which went by quickly. It was uneventful but gave me a chance to reset before the World Series Game 4.

World Series Game 4 – A Painful Loss: The Dodgers game was rough to watch. We were dominating early in the game, but everything fell apart, and the Yankees came back strong, winning 11-4. It was hard to see the team stumble after starting so well. But at least the series is still 3-1—we’re one win away from taking it all. Hopefully, the momentum shifts back in our favor for Game 5.

Plans for Tomorrow – Vaccines and More Work: Tomorrow, I’ll be heading to the office to get my flu shot and COVID vaccine, and I have a medication drop-off for a patient scheduled. I plan to hit Planet Fitness again and do more bike workouts to keep building my endurance.

Reflections & Mental Health Check: Today was alright. I didn’t feel any depression—it seems like working out really helps me stay grounded. I’ll keep this routine going, especially with everything going on at work and the upcoming tests.

I’m feeling good about the steps I’ve taken today. Passing the psych exam felt like a huge accomplishment, and despite the Yankees winning, I’m still optimistic about tomorrow. One more game to win—and one step closer to the Academy.

[the-last-concert]

Chapter Eight: Playing God

“Ms. Farewell, please have a seat.”

I just arrived at Dr. Miracle’s office. It’s been a week since Pepper had been discharged and sent home. Since then, I have been making regular visits with Dr. Miracle to get his chemotherapy treatment started.

….But it wasn’t only that.

Dr. Miracle was helping me find a great OBGYN in Hallow. I hadn’t agreed to Pepper’s last request yet. I couldn’t even bring myself to talk about it. Truly, I didn’t know if I wanted kids right now. But, somehow, it makes sense for him to ask me. I couldn’t shake my worry, though. We aren’t young anymore, and I’m not sure if my body could take the risk. But, I knew I would at least consider all my options. Because it was Pepper who asked me.

I sit down in his padded chair across from his desk. He is hacking away on his computer before he lowers his glasses off his face. They hung around his neck. My guess, it was easier for him to reach them that way. “I called around and found a private women’s clinic not too far from here. It’s ran by an old colleague of mine. We went to Oxford before going our separate ways.” He hands me a paper with the referral and a reference on her profile. “Her name is Dr. Sasha Thompson. And she is American.”

I brightened up a bit. Not only was she American. She was African-American, which seemed extremely rare to find in London. I looked at her profile and felt some pressure ease off me. “This is amazing. Thank you Dr. Miracle. When do you think she will be available to meet with me?”

He grins before answering. “Today. Her 3 o'clock canceled. I took the liberty to fill you in that spot.” Then he gestures politely, “That was assuming you didn’t have anything else today.”

“I don’t,” I reassured him. “Again, Thank you for this.”

He held up his hand. “No need. Dr.Thompson does amazing work. I know you will be in great hands.” His eyes go back to his computer screen and quickly scans before continuing, “As for Mr. Davis, can you bring him back here on the 20th? I’m leaving abroad soon and that seems to be the only date that’ll work out for me.”

That was at the end of the month. And it was near the holidays. I already knew Pepper was going to fight me on pushing the date back, but I couldn’t let the opportunity slip by. Dr. Miracle was amazing with Pepper. I only trusted his eyes to monitor everything going on with him during the treatment.

“Of course. I’ll make sure of it, personally.” I agreed to the appointment.

“Has he been doing alright with the medicine adjustment?” He asked, clicking away on his computer again.

“Seemingly. Most days, he’s been sleeping a lot.” I thought back to him in bed just before I left. His body was tangled in the sheets and his snoring, uncanny. I readjusted myself in the chair. “Should I be worried?”

He smiles. “Not one bit. His body is resetting. Sleep is the fastest way to achieve a lot of rest, which he needs. So no abnormalities?”

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“Good. That’s great news.” Then he jokes, “And I know you will monitor him like a hawk.”

I snorted, slightly. “What other way is there?”

He laughs before responding, “Then it looks like we are all set.” We both get up at the same time and he shakes my hand good-bye. Before I left his office, he called back. “Make sure to check in with Nurse Marvel before you leave. I’ve never seen her so interested in my patients before until now.”

I chuckled. We always know how to leave an impression. Speedy and Pepper, especially. “I will. Enjoy your day, Dr. Miracle.”

I walk down the long whitened hallway to find the receptionist desk. It was the same lady from before. Her hair was in a top bun and she was smacking her gum while on the computer. I cleared my throat. She looked up from her glasses, extremely monotone.

“Can I help you?”

I ignored her careless attitude. I smiled the best I could. “I’m looking for Nurse Marvel.”

She looked at me and looked back at the clock. “She’s in the cafeteria around this time. You’ll find her there.” I nodded and left to follow the signs that would lead me there.

The main cafeteria was on the second floor. I had to walk up a flight of stairs. I was pretty winded before I reached the entrance. But my breath didn’t seem to find me when I saw Speedy and Nurse Marvel chatting it up on a lunch table. Speedy was sitting directly on top while Nurse Marvel laughed at something he said adjacent to his position. They seemed awfully close. She even touched his shoulder lightly as they shared conversation. Suddenly, as if he sensed my presence, Speedy looked in my direction. This-of course-made Nurse Marvel’s eyes follow. I felt like I was interrupting something.

“There she is,” Speedy said. “We've been waiting for you.”

“Waiting for me?” I questioned. “I didn’t even know you were coming here.”

Speedy hops from the table and lands in front of me with ease. He smiles cheek to cheek. “It was a surprise. I wanted to pick you up myself.” Then he kisses me. It was settling down inside. But I can't say I wasn’t distracted by knowing Nurse Marvel was watching us.

“Mal here tells me you studied art,” Nurse Marvel interjected as we broke away from the kiss. Her face was lit up like a Christmas tree. “My husband is an art director here in town. I’m sure he would love to chat with you about some pieces he plans on implementing in the upcoming show.”

I couldn’t get past what she just called him. I blinked at him. “Mal?”

He whispers as his arm hangs over my shoulder. “She’s old, Moggie. She likes her nicknames.”

“Yeah, okay,” was all I said. Then I addressed Nurse Marvel. “That’ll be great.”

“Really? I’ll call him now!” Nurse Marvel pulls out her phone from her scrubs and dials quickly. She holds up one finger, letting us know she’ll be right back.

I look at Speedy and he looks down to meet my questionable gaze. “What?”

“You guys looked comfortable,” I said.

Speedy’s laugh shook me. “Moggie. Don’t start. There is nothing going on with me and Marv. She was just keeping me company while I waited for you.”

I scoffed and had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. I knew Speedy. All too well, in fact. Nurse Marvel wasn’t too far from his type. He liked older women. Especially older women who didn’t look a day over 40. And Nurse Marvel was a looker. She had porcelain skin that shined better than the walls did. Her brunette hair was always neatly in a pulled back bun, but you can tell it had some length. Her fingernails were trimmed but manicured. And her eyes were greener and brighter than emeralds. Nurse Marvel was not an ugly woman.

I moved to sit down where they did. I sat my bag next to me to ensure he didn’t. I don’t know why I did, but I needed not to be so close to him for now. If he was near me, then I would be jealous. If he kept touching me, then I would think he was hiding how he exactly felt about Nurse Marvel. Speedy used women as distractions before. And right now, I didn’t want to be just another distraction.

“Moggie,” he called. “What are you doing?”

“Staying away from you.”

“You’re being serious right now?”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

“No, but you obviously missed what I said.”

“I heard you.”

“If you did, I would be sitting exactly where your bag is.” While I had no response, Speedy huffed and moved my bag for me. “Moggie, I’m tired of fighting okay? We’ve been at it for a while. I honestly came here today to end all that. But you keep looking for things. You keep searching for a reason not to be with me…. Is that- is that what you really want?”

I turned so fast in his direction. “Of course not.”

Then he gets up, hastier than before. “Then what the hell is it, Moggie? Rule number one, remember? I’ve been honest about everything. Why can’t you do the same?”

“Because you don’t want me to go through with this, Speed. You don’t want me to have Pepper’s baby.” It came out louder than I wanted it to. Some people in close distance started looking at us. Speedy grabs my hand and pulls me out of the cafeteria into the hallway. No one was there.

Speedy turns to the wall and breathes loudly before answering, “Have you ever asked me why? No, you haven’t, have you? It’s because you aren’t just dating him. I’m going to be affected by this choice, whether you see it or not. He should’ve never given you an ultimatum like that. He was high off his ass.”

I hugged my arms close together. “Yeah, well he still asked me.”

“Oh my god. He never asked you. He told you. Like he always does. And of course, you go along with it because his word is gospel, right?”

“That’s not true.”

“You’re here, aren’t you? You've been coming up here for days, in fact. More than you needed to. The random doc calls in the middle of the night. Your mind has been made up since he said it.”

I didn’t want to keep having the same argument with him over and over. I was too exhausted. Yes, I was curious about having a baby. Yes, I had questions due to that being true. But I never told Pepper I agreed. But Speedy doesn’t care about that. The fact that I was even considering this as an option, I saw how warped it made him. We haven’t been on the same page since. For days, I’ve been trying to get him to see my side. But we either get interrupted by Pepper, or Speedy just shuts the conversation jokingly. He was wrong about a lot of things. But I wasn’t going to keep explaining myself.

“Fine, Speed. My mind has been made up. And I’m sorry this bothers you so much. But what I do with my body is solely my choice, alone.”

Speedy’s expression glazed over. His face is still as a statue. “Whatever, Mog. Let’s go home.”

“I can’t. I have an appointment soon with an OBGYN in town. This is the only day she would see me.”

“Then, we’re going together. I mean- there’s no point in trying to talk you outta it, right?”

Speedy walks off before I could even answer. I don’t think he even wanted me to answer. I have never been in this position with him before. And we had fights, sure, but there was always some type of turning point. Some way I could get through to him. I couldn’t. Not this time. It hurt me in a way I didn’t know it would. I felt us slipping, and I didn’t know how to pull us back.

Just as I was about to follow him out, Nurse Marvel exits the cafeteria door with a confused look on her face. She must’ve caught Speedy walking out. “What? You all are leaving already?”

I answered, apologetic. “Yes, I have another appointment to get to in an hour.”

“Well, take this.” She hands me a business card. “This is my information and I wrote my husband’s on the back. I told him you might be interested in looking at those pieces for him.”

“Actually Nurse Marvel, with Pep- I mean Phinehas recovery and chemotherapy, I might not have time to.”

“Nonsense,” she waves as she hugs me. “You will not have to deal with this on your own. Trust me, I know you’ll need a team. In the meantime, it’s important to still do the things you love. Especially now. I know Phin is a strong lad. He’ll pull through.”

Knowing it was pointless to turn her down, I settled with, “I’ll think about it.”

“Good,” Nurse Marvel nods her head to the door. “Now, off you go. You don’t want to be late with Dr. Thompson. She’s a stickler for early arrival.”

I blinked. “How did you know-” Then I put it all together. “She’s the ex, isn’t she?”

Her face turned sorrowful. “Mmm, afraid so.”

“I have so many questions now,” I said.

But she waved me off as she opened the door to the descending stairs. “Later, you really need to get going. Ring out when you’re done?”

“Okay,” I said before I jogged down the stairs to catch up with Speedy in the main lobby. He was looking at his phone. When he saw me, he said nothing and just opened up the door to walk out. I just walked through.

The car ride was worse. The air, coated with heavy tension, made me feel like I wanted to choke. I cracked my window briefly just to make sure that I was still awake. This isn’t us. We never had any issues that we couldn’t bounce back from. Not with Speedy. From age 8, we knew exactly how much we were fitted to be mates. He was like the glue off every single crafted piece I made. Since I met him, I had never questioned fate.

I won’t forget the first time I ran into him in our neighborhood. I wore pretty pigtails, braided with colorful beads. I had a helmet on. There was patting on my elbows and down to my knees. I sat on this bright pink bicycle, still learning how to balance underneath.

“Would you like some help?” A boy asked me. He held a basketball in his hands and shifted it to the right side of his hip. It was hot out. Deadly in the middle of summer. He wore orange shorts that seemed too big for him and a plain white T.

I turned from him. “I got it.”

“Are you sure? Cause I’ve been watching you for a while and you haven’t moved.”

I frowned. Too embarrassed to even rebuttal anything.He puts the ball down on the ground and comes over even closer. When he faced the front of my bike, he smiled widely. I looked down directly at his shoes. “You don’t have to help me. It’s stupid, I know. What 8-year-old doesn’t know how to ride a bike?”

“Plenty,” he said. “But you won’t be one of them for long. I’m here now.” He grabs the front end to steady the bike. “Let’s start with you putting both your feet on the pedals.”

This time, I looked at him. His freckles matched the darkened color of his hair. It was curly and wet from the humidity in the air. We locked eyes briefly before I did anything he said. I’ve never seen such kind eyes before. It freaked me out. But I was able to find it comforting. I just trusted what he said.

“Good,” He nodded in approval. “Now, I’m going to get behind you and push as you pedal.”

I was familiar with this part before. “You better not let go.”

“I won’t.” He agreed.

“Okay,” I replied.

He did exactly what he said and continued to hold the tail end of my seat until I found a rhythmic pattern under my feet. I didn’t realize I was picking up speed until he was running aside of me. He wasn’t holding the seat anymore. I lost my footing and ended up crashing right next to the pole.

“Shit! I’m sorry! Are you alright?” He asked as he moved the bike off of me. I was laughing hysterically. I was laughing so much, it made him laugh. Then we were both laughing together at the end of our street next to a pole that was slightly bent because of me.

“That was so much fun!” I answered. “Can we go again?”

“But you’re bleeding.”

I looked down to see where he meant. My knee was cut open and blood trickled down my leg. I didn’t cry. He ripped a good portion of his shirt and wrapped it around to stop the bleeding.

“Wow, you’re pretty tough.” He said to me, “My sister is one year older than you and she would’ve shit her pants just then.”

“You have a sister?” I questioned back. It’s not that I didn’t believe him. But being an only child for so long made me curious about real relatives.

“Yeah, her name is Valerie. Bit of a prissy prune, but she’s alright I guess.”

“And what’s your name?”

“Malachi. What’s yours?”

“Mahogany.”

He scrunched his nose. “That’s too long.”

“It’s only one more syllable than yours.”

“Still, you have to have a nickname.”

I shook my head no. It was just my folks at home. And they were too busy to worry about something so small. I barely had any friends at school. I never really knew what a nickname felt like. What it was like to own one.

“What about Moggie?” He said and I turned to him so fast. My helmet almost collided with his head, but he backed up in time. He shrugged and threw a rock into the street. “Or Mog. Even shorter.”

“You pick.”

“I like Moggie.”

“Me too.”

He smiled and got up to dust the dirt off his shorts. He held out a hand in front of me. “Let’s get you home, Moggie.”

I couldn’t answer. Him calling me sounded better than any music I would ever hear. I had to get stitches afterwards, but it was worth it. He ended up teaching me how to ride my bike the rest of the summer. And then when school came back around, we ended up riding our bikes together. We were so incredibly in sync back then. For the first time ever, I knew exactly how it felt to have my very own best friend.

“Moggie,” Speedy called to me as the Jeep came to a stop. “We’re here.”

“I love you,” I blurted out. His eyes widened slightly as if he was trying to see if I meant to say it. I did. Maybe not so rushed, but I really really meant it. I knew Speedy wasn’t any ordinary guy for me. The moments he went out of his way, just to make sure I was okay. He hadn’t deserved how badly I was treating him. I took a deep breath and looked at him. “I love you, Speedy. And I’m really sorry for how I’ve been acting lately. You’re right. You’ve been right…about everything. I just-I can’t lose you in this. If you don’t want me to go in there, I won’t.”

His jaw clenched. He said this so slowly, “Get out of the car, Moggie.”

I blinked away the water that swelled under my eyes. I unfastened my seatbelt so fast and slammed the car door. My heartbeat was pounding against my chest. I made it my mission to get to the clinic’s door as quickly as possible. But my arm was caught. I was spun around and jolted into Speedy’s arms. The tears poured in. I couldn’t stop myself from crying all over his trenchcoat. He pulled me away from him slowly as his larger hands cupped my face. The tears never stopped falling. He tilted my head against his and kissed me tightly. I wanted to stay right here forever. I wanted to kiss him until I couldn’t breathe again. I wanted him to never pull away from me ever again.

“My beautiful Moggie…I’m so in love with you,” he said when we released each other’s lips. We were both left a little winded. “At the end of the day- I just wanted you to have a clear head in this. I know you will be doing most of the work. But being a parent, a mom… are you really ready for that?”

“Are you?” I searched for something in his eyes. “I want you to be fully involved too, if this happens, Speed.”

He sat down on the outside bench of the clinic. And hung his head. It was a heavy topic, I know. Life changing. We would all have to adjust our lives entirely. But I knew that going in. I knew that moving to London. I couldn’t help but to feel a little bad that I was dragging Speedy along with my decisions.

“I would have to see what the doctor says,” he replied. “But you gotta give me time.”

“Okay, let’s go in together then.” I reached out my hand towards him. He chuckled like he was experiencing the same deja vu feeling I was.

When we reached the reception desk, Speed stepped in front of me. He greeted the receptionist first. It was fair. Considering I haven’t had the best track record with them. “Hi. We have an appointment with…” then he turns to me, not realizing who we came here to see.

“Dr. Thompson.” I told him.

“Right. Dr. Thompson. Is she ready for us?”

The receptionist seemed frozen. Like a deer in headlights. She looked young. Maybe early 20s. But her blue eyes could not turn away from Speedy for one second. Then she blinked rapidly and looked down at a giant calendar that had a lot of scribbles.

“Y-yes. Is this for Mahogany Farewell?”

I raised my hand. “That’s me.”

“You can go right in.” The receptionist pointed out the directions. “It’ll be the second door down the hallway to the left.”

“Thanks.”

I looked to Speedy and he nodded in that direction. “You can go first. I’ll wait here, in case you need me.”

I smiled and kissed his cheek before heading over to Dr. Thompson’s office. I hadn’t realized how much I needed his support for this. It’s scary to have someone tell you about all the wrong things your body is going through, even if it’s a professional opinion. I knocked on the door.

“Come on in.” I peeked inside and saw her. Dr. Sasha Thompson. She was standing near her gigantic whiteboard making edits. She closed the marker and smiled very graciously toward me. “Mahogany, it’s great to meet you.”

She wore brown scrubs with her hair wrapped under a brown satin scarf. Her glasses hung from her neck. Her white coat was hung neatly on the back of her chair. Her skin was flawlessly brown and not a pimple in sight. Dr. Thompson was beyond beautiful. I was so grateful that she would be my OBGYN moving forward. It couldn’t be a better fit.

“It’s great to meet you too, Dr. Thompson.”

She sat at her desk and leaned back into her seat. “I gotta say, Tom doesn't usually push patients my way. He must’ve taken a liking to you.”

I smiled slightly. “You could say that. Or maybe it was because I wore him down.”

“Ah,” she chuckled. “The persistent tactic. Spot on.”

“I can’t tell you how well this worked out for me.” I said openly. “I was nervous to get anyone else.”

She gives me the look that most Black women share. The “don’t I know it” head-tilt. She looks at her computer, quickly logs in. “Well before we get started, did you want to share any concerns with me?”

“Well, how practical would it be… to become a mother soon?”

She blinked. And then almost fell back in her chair. “You don’t waste any time, do you?”

I shrug to readjust in my seat. “I’m a straight shooter.”

Only in that sense.

“Well, Ms. Farewell, I will give you some good news. It’s possible for you to have a baby, yes. And after this appointment, you will have more certainty about how high those chances are, ” Dr.Thompson said before leaning forward on her desk and placing her hands together. “However, I’m not saying there won’t be complications either. If you were to start right now, I would have to get prenatal care for your body to be ready. We would need some details in blood work. Do you know if more spontaneous labors run in your family?”

“Well, I’m an only child,” I pointed out. “But I remember my mom saying she had me naturally.”

“Good,” she grabs a clipboard. It looked like she was filling out something. “And how old was she?”

“I’m not sure exactly- 22, maybe.”

“Early 20s is common. That’s good.” She continues to keep writing on her clipboard. “And you had no issues younger?”

“Well, not exactly. I had trouble breathing when I was younger. My mom used to smoke.”

“Ah-I see.” Her eyes don't leave her clipboard. “And do you? Smoke that is.”

“A few times in college. But now, no.”

“Okay. Do you have any substance habit?”

“No. I mean… other than the occasional beer or wine.”

“So not much of a drinker then?”

“Not really, no.”

“Okay,” she puts down the clipboard with a smile. “The possibility is growing.”

“Well…. that’s good to know.” I was relieved. Maybe all the nervousness was mostly in my head. It could’ve been the thousands of articles I read on stillbirths. Or that the birth rate for women in their 30s were more at risk for miscarriages, birth defects and difficult labors.

“Age is only part of the factor here.” She must’ve heard my thoughts. “My mother had me at 43, and then two more after that. No complications. No fuss. And we all turned out okay. But that’s why this is a crucial appointment. We need to know what your body needs to give you the best possibility.”

“Am I allowed to say how much that scares me shitless?”

Dr. Thompson nods her head firmly. “Of course. But it's scarier not to know, right?” She has me there. I’m the one who put in the effort this far to know. She gets up and holds the door open for me. “Let’s see what we got then.”

“Sure,” I followed her along.

A few moments later, we are back in Dr. Thompson’s office. She is reading over the paperwork that resulted in fertile testing. She also did some blood work. Neither bothered me. I seemed more relaxed around her than I had been all week. This was the right decision. It’s always good to know the unknown.

“Well- Miss Farewell, it looks like your eggs are promising. There’s no complications whatsoever.”

I actually sighed in relief. Not that I thought something was wrong with me, but it was just another thing to cross off. “I’m really glad. Thank you, Dr. Thompson.”

“Of course. And the blood work will be tested in a week for any STDs or any other medical conditions. That shouldn’t worry you though.”

“No, it doesn’t. I’m glad I’m covering all the bases.”

She smiled. “You know we can test him too, if you like.”

“Him?” I don’t think I understood what she was asking.

Then she says, “The potential father? Is he the one waiting outside the main lobby?”

“No. He’s not- um, it’s complicated.” I looked down and played with my rings. “I’m actually dating… two guys.”

She raised her eyebrows. It wasn’t hard judging. But I can see she had her own opinions about my polygamy agreement already. I thought back to Nurse Marvel. About Dr. Thompson being her ex. I knew I shouldn’t pry but…

“Actually, this is my first experience with polygamy. And I was wondering… how did you and Nurse Marvel make it work?”

She tensed up. I think this is the first time I see her face freeze. “You know Gloria too?”

“Yeah, my boyfriend had a nasty fall and she was his nurse,” I shook my head. “My other boyfriend.” I could see how complicated introductions were going to be already. I probably sound crazy to her.

“Gloria was…. special.” She leaned back in her chair. “I just advise precaution. When a lot of hearts are involved, it can get messy real fast.” She didn’t deflect, but she wasn’t completely transparent about Marvel either. I could see the wall there. “Anyways, what are their names?”

This time my face cracked into a smile. “Malachi and Phinehas.”

“By the way you said that, I could tell they’re a great ordeal to you.”

“Yes. They’re my whole world. We grew up together. And… we lost contact for a while. But when we saw each other again, it just seemed like….”

“Like everything fell back into place?” She questioned. She looked up at a portrait that was hanging adjacent to us. It was a picture of her and Nurse Marvel in graduation attire. “Yeah… I know the feeling.”

“I don’t mean to overstep. But I don't have someone to talk about this with. Do you mind sharing what happened between you and her?”

She gets up to close the door behind us. And she goes and takes the portrait down. She gives it to me to look at. I glanced between her and the portrait. They seemed so happy. So full of love and light. Even then, the photo captured them embracing each other as roses were wedged in between. They looked so much in love. And the fact she had this hanging in her office, I don’t think Dr.Thompson ever let it go completely.

“It would be cliche to say we wanted different things,” Dr.Thompson hugs her arms close as she paces in her office. “Gloria is a bulldog. And I know why her and Jeffrey get along so well. When she met him, they were joint at the hip from day one. Sometimes I wish we never went to the concert-“ she shook her head and laughed hysterically. “But that wouldn’t have been possible. They were going to find each other soon enough.”

“So is Jeffrey the reason for y’all not working out?”

She scoffs. “It’s not that black and white, Miss Farewell.”

“It’s Moggie. You can call me Moggie for now on.”

“Okay, Moggie. Jeffrey was willing to do whatever it took to keep Gloria happy. Even if it meant complications for him.”

“So he wasn’t thrilled,” I said.

She shrugged. “He acted like any normal heterosexual white male would toward an openly gay Black woman.”

“Enough said,” I said, jokingly. She was a threat to his ego from the moment he saw her.

“But still, Jeffrey made it clear that he didn’t want to break me and Glo up. It’s just he couldn’t see his life without her.”

“So, he married her, knowing she still loved you too?”

“Yeah,” She shook her head to hide the embarrassment. “I was even her maid of honor. Can you believe it?”

“In a way, I do. You just wanted her happiness too,” I replied.

“Yeah, but to what cost? I thought I could handle her marrying someone else. That I would be happy if she was happy too. But it wasn’t enough-,” Dr. Thompson started to look mortified. “And then it happened.”

My eyebrows mushed together. “What?”

She sighed and sat completely on her desk. Her legs crossed in front. She stared at the floor. “Well-they were having trouble getting pregnant. I knew that. But I never thought Jeffrey would have been bold enough to ask me to be-“

“A surrogate?! No fucking way!” I stood up from my seat. She gets up and goes over to her cabinet and grabs two wine glasses. A stash of Pinot Noir was tucked away. She pours into the glasses and hands me one. She took a huge gulp before pouring another one. “Please tell me Gloria wasn’t comfortable with that.”

She smiled through her half-filled glass. “Actually, she thought it was brilliantly funny. She said she always wanted a piece of me somehow.”

I could understand why Dr.Thompson had to leave now. It was more than just sharing Nurse Marvel. They couldn’t see past her being Black. Couldn’t fathom why under any circumstances, that was not the way she wanted to be portrayed. It hurt her. It still hurts her.

“I’m sorry, that’s just-,”

“Creepy? Unorthodox? Yes. She wanted her husband’s swimmers inside me.”

“I see why you had to go then.”

She lifts her glass before downing it with a heavy grunt. “It wasn’t my cup of tea. And certainly not how I wanted to start my own family. Jeffrey barely acknowledged me up until I was useful. I felt-,”

“Exposed.” I finished her sentence. The story made me feel a little exposed, myself. I couldn’t believe this is why they didn’t work out. And Nurse Marvel clearly didn’t understand how exactly Dr. Thompson felt.

“Well, anyways, that’s enough reminiscing for me.” Dr. Thompson takes our empty glasses and puts the wine bottle back into her cabinet. “Loving two people can be challenging, Moggie. And there’s a lot of murky areas that go with that. However, I see how he looks at you. You shouldn’t worry too much.”

“Got it, Dr. Thompson,” I stood up and collected my bag. “And thank you for sharing.”

“Sasha.” She beams brighter. “After hours, it’s just Sasha.”

I hear Speedy knocking on the door. When he opens with Dr. Thompson’s permission, he whispers, “Hey, you about done? I need to get Pepper if we want to make our reservations.”

“Almost.” I cling to his hand and push him inside. “Sasha. This is Malachi, but we call him Speedy. And he’s one of my boyfriends.”

He jokes before shaking her hand. “Her favorite, though.” I hit his shoulder. And he smiled back, coyly. “I hope she didn’t trouble you too much. Moggie has a real case of being nosy.”

“Hey!” I folded my arms. He just hugs me tightly as Dr. Thompson tries to gather herself from laughing so loudly.

“You know her best. But frankly, I don’t mind.” Dr. Thompson said. “It was nice to meet both of you. I hope in time, I can get to know you both better.”

“Do you hug?” I asked her. She nods and opens her arms wide. I pile in. It was strange. I hadn’t known Dr. Thompson long, but it already felt like I could talk to her about anything. Everything. At this moment, this is what I needed. I needed a girlfriend. Space between the words. A girl who is a friend. I couldn’t explain it, but Dr. Thompson sharing her experience made me feel closer to her. Like I can share anything. And being in a foreign land-filled with people who don’t look like me-it was such a relief to know I can go to someone for help.

Before we leave, I check in with the receptionist for another appointment next week. I see her sneaking glances at Speedy when I’m filling out paperwork. I giggle silently. I couldn’t blame her. I was glancing at Speedy all day too. He was fully covered up. His gigantic black trenchcoat hugged his body like a wool blanket. His joggers were cotton thin, but his green sweater was long enough not to see any prints. He styled them with Air Force 1s. Green and Black low ones. Compared to my comfortable appearance with a white hoodie and black joggers, he looked nicer. Speedy never leaves anywhere without a great appearance. He was the best dressed out of the three of us.

Our eyes met when I turned in the necessary paperwork. He always does this cute little head nod. I mimicked him. He was on the phone talking to Pepper just outside the door. We had to pick him up from his first rehearsal with the band. And this marked our first time meeting them. Then, me and Speedy had our first date. I was… anxious. It’s not like we haven’t been alone before. This week had a lot of arguments, though. Specifically because of how I handled things with Pepper’s ultimatum.

But he got through to me though.

Speedy always does.

In the car, Speedy checks my seat belt and then smirks. “So I’m guessing you’ve found your new best friend.”

I crinkled his nose. “No one can replace you, Speedster.”

He waves me off as he pulls out the clinic’s driveway. “Yeah yeah, I just hoped you talked me up good. Wait- does she know who you’re doing this for?”

I shook my head. “I just told her what she needed to know. Speed, this appointment wasn’t just for Pepper. I wanted to know what was going on with my health, as well. She actually asked me if you wanted a check-up too.”

He squints his eyes, but still looks ahead. “Isn’t it a woman’s clinic though?”

“Yeah,” I said. “But I don’t think it applies with you being my boyfriend.”

Speedy is smiling from ear to ear. “Say that again.”

I motioned him away from my face. “Watch the road, Speed.”

When we arrived at Southbank Centre, I’m blown away at how open it was. Skating park. Ferris Wheel. I was immediately taking pictures of the artwork that led to the concert hall.

Speedy, being used to my theatrics, rushed ahead of me to patiently wait before opening my door. When I walked inside, he chuckled before saying, “Your mouth's gonna hurt from staying open like that, Moggie.”

I was gawking at everything inside. The rows of seatings. The high ceilings. The colorful lights that were flickering back and forth between them on stage. My eyes found Pepper’s right away. He made a cute wave. I followed. He wore a brown wilted leather jacket with a ton of buttons. Under that, he had a plain white T. His faded jeans wrinkled as he sat down on the edge of the stage. He had one leg off and one leg propped up against him. Clean white Converse hanging off them. His beanie matched his jacket pocket with orange seams. I couldn’t see it up close, but it wasn’t my first time seeing him with those particular items. He has owned that jacket and beanie since high school.

He rested at center stage with Dandelion. The other members were off on the sides, resting near their instruments and downing water. He looked like he belonged up there. I’ve never seen him so relaxed in this setting before. It brought memories back from the concert. The one where he sang his song just for me.

Someone came on through the speakers above us. “Okay that was great, Pepper. Do you mind doing another take before we get outta here?”

I walk a little further and turn around to see the production room just a few stories above us. The boxed sound room was mostly dark, but I could see little shadow figures moving around. Then the sound producer ordered to balance out the mic levels. Pepper looked at me then smiled warmly.

“Yeah, I’m good with that.” He said into the mic before standing up with Dandelion and plugging her up to the nearest aux cord. His fingers stretched across the strings of his acoustic guitar for a sound check. I felt small chills. But I ignored them when Speedy pulled me down to sit while they finished their rehearsal. We were located near the back. It was a way to hear everything fully. And profoundly, it was a way to feel everything too. Within the few notes, Pepper’s monotonous voice reached into my soul. It was vibrating like lightning waves throughout my entire system. The song he was singing was new. I hadn’t made out the lyrics just yet, but it was the perfect linkage between voice and rhythm.

“Wonderfully made, popper!” A girl came out from the shadows and into Pepper’s arms.

My face reacted before my body could move. She looked really petite. Her short-cut pixie hair was red like her face right now. I was calibrating so many ways I could take that stage mic and hit her with it. But when I turned to Speedy, he almost fell to the floor at my daggered reaction. Then his arm reached across me to reassure me that her gesture meant nothing.

Speedy says with low volume, “That’s Lizzie. She’s one of the co-founders of Blocc PartIE. She’s from Scotland. They’re big on affection.”

I snorted softly. “Yeah, no kidding.”

“Don’t show him anything,” he whispered. “You would never hear the end of it, if he knew you were jealous.”

“Jealous??” I was shocked by the assumption. I tried to state this as calmly as I could, hoping he couldn’t tell the rage I just swallowed down. “I’m not jealous. It just was…. surprising, that’s all.”

“Yeah, might wanna tell your face that, then.” Speedy commented, bringing me back to my own awareness. I sighed and forced out a smile. I was hoping by the time it was done, it would actually feel real enough.

“Lizzie, I like to introduce you to someone,” Pepper called, removing her out of his arms. He shouted covering half his mouth. “Moggie, get your ass up here.”

Speedy and me side-glanced before I moved closer to the stage. With one hop, I was face to face with Lizzie. I smiled widely. “How'd you do?”

Lizzie was still annoyingly close to Pepper. But she exchanged glances between me and him. That was until Pepper walked up and kissed me full-on. He grabbed me so fast, and then backed up saying, “I’ve missed the fuck outta you.”

“Pepper,” I said, shaking off my own heated feelings.

He wrapped his arm around my waist. “Everyone, this is Moggie. Our girlfriend. Moggie, this is everyone.” There were a lot of small hellos all around. Except for Lizzie. She was trying so hard not to seem surprised.

“Oh?” She finally said. “Is she the one y’all both snogging?”

Pepper glared at Lizzie. “This is the woman we’re madly in love with. Yes.”

“Nice to meet all of you,” I simply said. I didn’t need to address Lizzie’s pettiness. Clearly, she liked Pepper. And clearly, she was mad he wasn’t available.

“Zap, it’s a bit weird isn’t it?” Lizzie called to the drummer who was twirling his drumsticks. His green locs hung low. Dark skin and a flawless smile. His teeth showed slightly when I looked his way. “How does that work exactly? Not like you can split her down the middle.”

“Like I need to explain my shit to you, Izzy,” Pepper smirked as he hung his arm just below my hip. “Aren’t you screwing half of London?”

My eyes widened as the whole band began rolling from Pepper’s obvious jab. Lizzie’s tomato face made me feel a lot better. “Aren’t you cute? Naur. I just like to have options.”

I had to refrain my eyes from rolling. But when Pepper and I shared the same thought, I laughed a little out loud.

“Iz just is dedicated to pleasing her fans,” Zap explains while tapping on the drums. “More than us.”

She shook her head, bowing out. “I don’t have to take this. Rehearsal is done, I’m out.” She grabs her bag and glares at everyone. “Be ready to go Friday. We will meet up then.”

“Yes Warden,” Zap salutes before Lizzie flips him off as she leaves. Zap walks over to us and waves in front of his face. “Don’t worry about Iz there. She’s always like that.”

“More now since Pepper joined,” another member called. His blond hair hung low, covering his eyes. He had piercings almost everywhere. And like Pepper, he was fully dressed with tattoos. He looked too built to be in an indie band. His arms were almost twice as big as me. He added while packing up his guitar. “I’m here for it. Someone needs to stick the middle finger to her every once in a while.”

Pepper whispers to me. “That’s Elliot.”

“The multi-talented guy who can be in his own band?” I asked. “Seriously, how do you play so many instruments?”

Elliot’s prideful smile was so big. “I get bored fast.”

“Clearly, the guy's a maniac.” Pepper jokes. “You should hear the singles he puts out. It’s insane he doesn’t have a deal yet.”

“Actually-,” Elliot cheeses, leaning back in a black folding chair. His arms were above his shoulders and were balancing on one leg. “Something’s in the works.”

“No shit?!” Zap jumped off the stage and landed gracefully. He grabs his backpack that was in the front row. “They called you in?”

“Tomorrow morning,” Elliot said.

“Congrats, man.” Pepper patted him on the back, making his balance wobbly and he folded in front of everyone. The laughter echoed throughout the hall. “My bad.”

“We should celebrate,” Zap said. “Y’all game?”

“Like I’d turn down a party.” Pepper helped Elliot up. “Mog?”

“Y’all go ahead.” I said. “I have prior engagements.”

Pepper scrunched up his face. “Come on, Mog. Just one night.”

I shook my head. “Pepper, you know I can’t go. It's Tuesday-it wouldn't be fair.” Speedy leaned on the stage and looked pleased. Like he was saying that’s my girl, without words. But Pepper’s aloof mood pissed me off.

“I’m going with them. So I guess- I don’t need the ride.” He brushed past me as he packed up Dandelion. “Y’all ready?”

I knew he was acknowledging the band, but I couldn’t help the overwhelming anger to smack him. He knew I was going out with Speedy today. Why was he being such an ass?

I tried to give him a chance. “Pepper.”

“Later, Moggie,” he said while they all made their way out the hall.

I squatted near Speedy. “Well, that was a complete waste of time.”

“Forget him,” He replied, jingling my chin. “You got to meet the band, at least. He’s sulking because he can’t show you off more.”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “But I don’t feel like being his arm candy, tonight.”

“Good thing you’re not,” Speedy said. “You’re mine.”

I hopped off stage to push him. “As if.”

“Let’s go home first,” Speedy answered while swinging his arm to pull me in. “I got a great surprise for you.”

“No way. I’m not wearing this.”

After me and Speedy came home, I was greeted by a lovely dress laid out on my bed. I frowned. It was short. A little too short. And backless. Speedy leans on my door. He just showered and was drying his hair with a towel. I smelled his manly Dove soap before he showed his face.

“Yes, you are. Along with the jewelry on your dresser.” He pointed at my dresser and I saw the expensive blue box in the corner.

I groaned. “Okay, but no heels.”

Speedy smirks and throws his towel at me. It was the one around his waist. I had to ignore how naked he was. “Like I’d fight you on that. I value my life here.”

“Whatever. Get out so I can change.” I stuck my tongue at him and threw his towel back. He caught it mid-air.

“Don’t overthink this, Mog. I know you. We still need to make time if we wanna eat. You’ll look great, I promise.” He kissed my cheek and smacked my ass. I almost got him back, but he slammed the door on me.

A few moments later, I’m staring at my reflection in the life-sized mirror. I did look great. I can’t remember the last time I even dressed up. The plum backless dress hugged every curve of my body. It was definitely oozing sex appeal. He was not settle. I thought my Michael Kors thigh boots would go perfectly with the dress. And the jewelry took my breath away. It was coated ambers across my neckline and the earrings to match.

Speedy whistled before coming up behind me. He grabbed my body so tightly and swung me around. I smelled his cologne first. It was mild but sweet. He looked amazing too. He was wearing a plum silk shirt with white suspenders. With black trousers and black leather Jordans. He tugged at my chin gently before he kissed me.

“What’d I say? I knew you would look sexy as hell. Almost don’t want to leave now.”

I grinned into the mirror and kissed his hand. “Now who’s pressed on time?”

“Keep looking at me like that….” His hands trails over my exposed skin. I felt his breath drop down my back. “I might say fuck it.”

“No. Get off. Cause you've been raving about this place since we got here.” I smacked his hand and as he backed up in surrender, I grabbed my clutch and coat. “Let’s go.”

We barely made it to our table. But we valet the Jeep. It was a super trendy Italian restaurant in London called Legacy. The line was wrapped around the block. I’m glad I didn’t wear heels. We walked past a lot of judgy faces as we moved to the front. He said this is the place his mom met his father. A well middle-class stock broker who was very English as they come. I was honored. Speedy doesn’t like to talk about the past often, but him sharing this felt special.

“Your chair, my lady,” He offered after the waiter guided us to our reserved table. It was perfectly private. Lights dimmed and away from the normal chaos of the restaurant.

I sat down. “Okay, how much?”

“Of course, that’s the first question you ask,” He took off his coat and draped it on the back, folded. “Don’t worry about it.”

I scrunch my nose. “Speed.”

“Moggie.” His fiery eyes pierced me. “I’m not saying.”

“Fine.” I looked around. Most of the interior was brick covered walls, complemented with small contemporary artworks capturing Italy. The table was traditional modern with white table cloths and fancy silverwave, mirroring each other. The napkin was folded into a complicated dove. “It is lovely, though.”

“Yeah, I was afraid we wouldn’t get in. Their reservations are like a month in advance.”

I blinked. “How’d you work around that? Actually, nevermind.” His smile said it all. I changed the subject. “Can you tell me their story again?”

Speedy laughs and takes my hands from across the table. “You’ve heard it so many times, though.”

I grinned as he stroked his fingers back and forth against mine. “But we are here now. So I have to hear it again.”

“Okay,” Speedy grabs the bottle of Chardonnay the waiter brought over. He pours us both a drink. “Picture the worst weather imaginable. This was before this place got popular. Victoria came in here to dry off from the rain.”

“Is that when he saw how gorgeous she was?” I interjected.

“You gonna let me tell it or what? ” Speedy said. I sealed my lips as a gesture. I really wanted to hear him explain their first meeting. He takes his sip and looks off into the distance. “Daniel was just here on his lunch break finishing up some files when she said-”

“Sir, could I trouble you for a pager? I seemed to have soaked mine,” I said with my best “Victoria” impression. I thought he’d be mad if I stopped the story, but he just laughed with his entire belly.

“Okay, maybe slow down on the drinks. You sounded way too accurate for me.” Speedy grabs my glass closer to him now. I shrugged. I don’t know why he seemed concerned. I only had two. Wait- maybe it was three? Either way, my insides were matching the temperature of my flushed cheeks now.

“He didn’t hesitate after he saw her dripping wet right in front of him.” Speedy continued the story again. “He just handed his phone to her immediately and watched her walk away with it. When she reappeared, he offered to pay for her cab home. But she refused. Big surprise there. He knew she was a college student. He knew because his best mate was one of her professors. Daniel realized this was not the first time they saw each other, but the second.”

“He thought it was the universe giving him a second chance at love.”

Speedy agreed. “Yes. Daniel wanted to win Victoria’s heart. And this restaurant started a month-long battle of them finally going on a date.”

“A date that was also here?” I asked, but of course I knew the answer.

“Yes.” Speedy replied. “He didn’t care that she wasn’t his age. Seems like Vickie’s charisma got the better of him.”

“Doesn’t she affect everyone?” I pointed out. When people meet Victoria, they will never forget who she is. She had a way of impacting someone’s life without trying. Her light was full. Her love was bountiful. And for me, she never made me feel like I didn’t belong. In a way, she was like a second mom to me.

Speedy pointed a breadstick at me before chewing half of it. “Good point. But something gets me everytime with that story.”

“What’s that?”

“If they had such an amazing start….what happened? Why didn’t he go with her after she got pregnant?”

His face looked conflicted. I know Speedy not knowing his father took a toll on his childhood. But my dad kind of stepped in for him. He was able to teach Speedy things Victoria couldn’t. I guess that’s how me and Speedy remained inseparable, back then.

My hand stroked the edge of his cheek. “Knowing Vickie, I’m sure he didn’t tell him.”

“Even still,” He said, amber eyes bursting toward me. “I would’ve looked for you. No questions asked.”

“He could’ve had doubts about their love, too.” I explained. It’s easier when it's just you and your person. But sometimes, the outside world of that bubble can be so cruel. And with the great age difference, I’m sure Victoria wasn’t the only one who was receiving unnecessary influence.

Speedy shook his head against my hand. “It’s crazy, you know? A lot of people say they want love. But as soon as they see other people happy, they’re all in their shit. World would be a lot simpler if people just minded theirs.”

I broke off a breadstick and soaked it in butter. “You’re not wrong.”

Speedy laughed again, seeing me carb load. “Sorry, didn’t mean for the mood to have a dark turn.”

“It didn’t. You know I always love hearing about Vickie and Daniel. And that you’re the result of their love.”

He clicked his teeth and sank deeper in his chair. “You make that sound so poetic, Moggie.”

I batted my eyelids wide towards him. “Well, it’s true isn’t it?”

The scoffed sound meant he disagreed. “But hearing you say it, makes me sound like I’m some miracle.”

“Well, aren’t you?” I looked up and saw him frozen, I think I stunned him. He started to fidget in his seat and remove his suspenders. They hung off the side of his trousers. He rested his arm on the table as he tapped his fingers rapidly. I reached my hand out to relax him. “You are a miracle, Speed….…At least to me.”

“Thanks Moggie, and I love you for that. But… I just don’t feel like one.”

He turned to watch the commotion in the background. I could understand why he would say this. A lot has happened to his family. A lot he couldn’t control, but somehow still held all the guilt. It was there. Behind those gleaming eyes, I saw someone who just wanted to reverse time. Back when his mom held two loving kids in her arms.

I took this time to watch him. Speedy’s features were definitely distinctive. His hair coiled in front twists as the back was tapered. His face was hairless. A little subtle for a mustache, but that was it. His jawline was full. And his cheekbones were round and covered in freckles, just like Victoria’s. The scar below his eye, Pepper gave him. When they used bark swords to fight at age 11. That mark was more of a reminder when life was simple. Calmer. I ended up using it as a beacon for our past experiences. Speedy-in the moment- was pissed Pepper was so careless. And even though he didn’t flinch, they didn’t talk to each other for about a week or so. Not until Pepper bought him his first console system. They ended up playing Madden for the entire summer after that.

“I actually visited Vickie a few years back,” I confessed. I went home for break to help Monica with a big client for her gallery. He was a New York native. And famous for mostly street scenes and mind blowing murals. I ran into Vickie and her boyfriend, Steven, at the show. Afterwards, we all ended up having them and a few other of Monica’s elite friends for wine and chatting. Speed turned as an eyebrow raised. I just continued, still loading on breadsticks. “She seems very happy with Steven.”

“Steven… yeah,” He smirked. I know him and Steven got along. But it was nothing deeper than hi’s and goodbyes. He was Valerie’s dad. Not his. Plus- Speedy has a hard shell for people who flake often. “Only after what happened, he decided to stick around more.”

“Is that why you left? For California?”

“Well, Vickie practically kicked me out the door.”

“Come on, I know that’s not true.”

“Okay, you got me.” Speedy’s smile tugged on my heart strings. “She did want me to stay locally. But, she made me promise to look after him.”

I almost dropped my breadstick. “Seriously?”

He shrugged. “After Valerie’s death, she said “God ain’t taken anyone else away from us.” She felt safer knowing we would be together.’”

“I had no idea.”

“Because no one wanted you to know. You had to live your dream in New York. She knew you would’ve stayed.”

“Damn,” I sank into my chair. Vickie was right. If I would’ve known how bad Pepper needed me, I would’ve stayed. Forgot everything about New York. I would’ve followed him instead. I can’t believe Vickie knew that about me. I didn’t even tell her how I felt about him. How could I? I didn’t know until a few weeks ago how strongly I felt towards… both of them. “Can’t really hide anything from her, huh?”

Speedy chuckled before his eyes rested on mine. “You know exactly why that is.”

I did know. Vickie was witty as they came. Her eyes and ears on everything. And I loved her so much for that. I was going to respond with something cheesy, until the waiter reappeared, almost fatigued. He had staff and a few bungees near me. Full of food. My eyes widened at the sight before I turned to Speedy. He just nodded to the waiter and they started setting up a spread. He pulled his wallet from his coat and gave the waiter a huge tip. The waiter bowed and he and the rest of the staff were gone.

“Speedy-”

I stopped myself. I didn’t want to seem like I was complaining. As expensive as everything looked, I knew he put a lot of effort into this. Now, I knew why he picked up those extra shifts at Black Faerie. And he just nodded for me to dig in first. I did. Oh, I was planning to stuff my entire face. After all, I’m on a date with my best friend. I didn’t need to care about how much food was on my plate. He knew I liked to eat well. I started with the fettuccine, dripping with tomato sauce and basil. Between bites, I kept catching glances of him. He wasn’t eating. Then his hand reached up and wiped sauce from the corner of my mouth. I dropped my fork onto my plate. He looks at tomato residue on his finger, and then licks it before putting it all into his mouth. I chewed on my lip. As sexy as that was, I couldn’t stare too much. Not if we wanted to leave this restaurant intact.

“Maroon.”

A chill went down my spine. It was the code word he picked specifically for us. He said it so low and almost breathless. I thought he called my name.

I didn’t want to look up from my plate. I really didn’t. But his leg grazed mine and now, he had me hooked on his bidding. He seemed all too relaxed. I knew he was watching me eat the whole time. I knew he wanted me to look at him while I did. His head was tilted slightly as he rested his elbow on the table. His fingers slid across his lips as he bit down on the sides. It was a major turn-on. One of my favorites. I felt embedded in his mood, somehow. Whatever came next, I just hoped I wasn’t too full to carry out what he was craving this very moment.

He gets up, impatiently. And my eyes followed him as he pulled me out of my seat. My mouth is still full of fettuccine so I don't question him. I didn’t even have time to. Before I knew it, Speedy led me down this secluded spot that seemed like an open archway between the restaurant and a grand dancehall. It was dark, but I could see the windows splattered in rain droplets across the foyer. The moonlight seemed like our only source of distinct lighting. He stopped walking. I almost ran into him.

“Give me your undies, Moggie,” he ordered. His shadowy figure stood strong in front of me. His hand held out for me to drop them there. I was too much in his trance to have not realized sooner.

I felt myself in the dress to check. “I’m not wearing any.”

His smile was the brightest thing for me to see. “Now, you should’ve told me that sooner.” He rushes me and backs me into the nearest window. He hoisted me up as his hands went under my dress and into my pussy.

“Shit, shit. You’re too deep,” I tried my best not to scream. He didn't stop though, his fingers kept pushing in and out of me as his tongue latched on my neck. I moaned vigorously. It was almost on his command. I couldn’t stop myself from sounds racing through my lips as he licked his. He kissed me and we melted simultaneously. His fingers released me and he cleaned off all my juices with his tongue.

He whispered in my ear, “Want to know why I picked maroon?” When I just nod, he continues, his hand spiraling my curls. “It’s the deepest color to red. Which is all I see… when you’re around me.”

Moggie, I just saw red.

I blinked. Pepper said that to me before. But when he meant it, it was like an active volcano waiting to burst. This…. This was different. What Speedy meant was… passion. We held some type of high level heat that formed every time we sensed each other. The way his eyes held me, his body caressed now, I could hardly breathe. It was walking out into the night in the middle of the hottest heatwave. I could never cool down enough. My insides were shaking with all the sweet electric shock he started.

I grabbed his silk shirt and twisted it as I kissed him so fully. Our tongues collided again and again as he felt up every inch of me. It felt like our most never ending game. Who could hold out the longest? We both lost.

“You’re driving me crazy,” Speedy starts unbuckling his pants with one hand, balancing me. “You’re still on birth control right?”

I just nod again. Words were escaping me. It’s not like he gave me time to answer him, anyways. He set me on the ledge between the window and him. I watched his pants drop down. Speedy’s dick was in full view of me now. My eyes were so wide that I couldn’t hear him calling my name. He jerked it forward with his hand before he grabbed me again. His dick seeped further into my pussy. My walls swelled with him, pulling in and out of me. It was a hellish rush. We were too exposed. His hands rested on each side of the window as he pounded me in place.

He grunts near my ear. I fight the urge not to bite him. As much as I wanted to, I didn’t want to have to explain his marks later. He thrusts inside me and I mimic his motion as my legs wrapped around his lower half.

Again…. We were clearly out in the open. Anyone could walk by. But it’s not like we cared. We were reckless with each other in a different way. When we got together, the world ceased to exist. It was better that way. My mind was cleared and I only needed him. I only focused on him. He was like my favorite dish I could consume a million times over. I knew I was safe with him. That’s why I didn’t mind such oblivious exposure.

A staff worker did walk by. But by that time, Speedy and I were done. His hand still rested against the windowsill as I looked up at him. He smiles down, caressing my face. To anyone else, we looked like an affectionate couple just standing there. But we knew. We knew exactly what happened a few moments ago. If they came any sooner, they would’ve gotten a show. I don’t think he would’ve stopped if we were caught, either. I don’t know why, but it turned me on even more…. Knowing that.

I motioned my finger to pull him closer. He leaned down as I whispered, “Can we go?”

Speedy smirks before he whispers close to my ear. “Thought you’d never ask.”

The Jeep had to be so foggy by now. We could not wait until we got home. After Speedy paid the bill and boxed up the whole restaurant’s menu, it wasn’t long until he was between my legs again. This time I was riding him. Another one of my favorites. My dress was completely off. His silk shirt along with it too. Sweat collided between the both of us. But I kept going. And he didn’t slow me down. His lips sucked one of my breasts as his hand squeezed the other. I never had to worry about where he would touch me. He found all my spots pretty easily. We adjusted to each other so quickly.

“Fuck- Mahog…. Damn.” Speedy came and I followed too. We collapsed and he held me a little longer. “You might be the death of me.”

“So?” I teased. I slid off him and got back into the passenger’s seating. After we were dressed, I thought I should joke with him a little more. “Maroon?”

He laughs and holds up the empty box of condoms before throwing them in the back seat. “Sadly, that was my last. You gotta wait until we get home.”

I clicked my teeth, but I hadn’t realized how much we went through them. I was on birth control still, but it wasn’t going to be for much longer. I couldn’t risk too much with Speedy. Not with other circumstances rising. He reached for my seatbelt to check the security before pulling off into the darkened street ahead.

When we reached the flat, it was awfully quiet. I looked at the time on the clock above the fireplace. It was past midnight. Pepper wasn’t home yet. I almost texted him but refrained when I remembered how much of an ass he was to me. I did always let him go off too easily. Maybe it was out of pity. But I know, with the night I had, no way would I be the one to check on him now.

“Coffee?” Speedy chimed into my ear. I was sitting in the living room with the fireplace lit. He held a small white dainty cup with a black saucer below it.

“Thanks,” I smiled, taking it from his hands.

He sits next to me and reaches his arm over the shoulder of the couch. He pulls me in closer. My leg found a nice resting place on top of his. He throws a blanket over them.

“So, should I know what’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours?”

I look up from the cup and into his eyes. They held a strong gaze. Enough to break down any resistance I had felt. I sighed. I guess I should’ve known hiding anything from Speedy was never going to work.

“This isn’t strange for you? Sharing me?”

He chuckles. “I never looked at it like that. I fully trust that you’re capable of making me just as happy.” I look at him and his eyes twinkle for a moment. My heart fluttered and I quickly looked down again. Staring into the abyss of dark liquid that jolted my nerves. He continues, “It’s strange… when I saw you at the concert, it’s like my heart wanted to burst out my chest. I never had anything that intense before. And I handled it so weirdly. Pepper just told me how he felt about you, the night before. I wanted to be selfish, but I know you too well. You'd feel lost …. if you dated just me.”

I sat there, almost frozen. I didn’t expect him to say all that. “Speedy…”

“I’m not offended by that, don’t worry,” He kissed the temple of my forehead. “In fact-It makes me feel better, knowing you’re the only one who affects me this much. I need you, Moggie. But… I know so does he.”

I smiled as he met my lips with a light peck. Speedy was always so understanding. It was refreshingly beautiful. No one could argue with the fact we belonged together. We just fit each other so well.

But…. so do me and Pepper.

Even though we are polar opposites in every sense, his heart still beats with mine. Same rhythmic tune. In a way, they both reflect me. One without the other, I would feel lost. I’m glad to know that isn’t the case. That I have them both right now.

Speedy yawned and stretched his legs out from under me. “I should turn in. I have an early shift tomorrow for inventory.”

“Okay,” I said. “Sleep tight.”

He takes my cup as he gets up. “Don’t wait for him too long, okay?”

“I won’t.” I wrapped the blanket around me like part of my security. Speedy did know me. Too well.

“Speedy?” I called him before he reached the end of the hallway. He turned around and I smiled. “Thank you for the date.”

He smiled back as he waves. “Please. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy. Goodnight, beautiful Moggie.”

“Goodnight, sweet Speedster.”

I stirred in my sleep. I fell asleep on the couch. The sound of the door clicking open and close woke me up. I turned the lamp on near me to see Pepper almost jump outta his skin.

“Jesus, Mog. What the hell you doing?”

“Why were you out so late?” I asked him. I got up from the couch and walked towards him. I noticed he wasn’t in the best state. He smelled like alcohol…. Everywhere. And he had scratches on his face. I touch them lightly and he turns his head against me. “Please tell me you didn’t get into another bar fight.”

“Fine, I won’t,” His eyes peered down. I forgot I didn’t change from the date. He frowns. “That’s a very short dress.”

“Don’t change the subject, Pepper.”

He pushes past me and stumbles to toss his jacket and beanie on the couch. “What do you want from me, Mog? Shouldn’t you be enjoying the rest of your night with him?”

He couldn’t be serious. I can’t believe he actually sounds jealous. Speedy isn’t some random guy. He’s our family.

“No,” I said, blocking him. “I’m exactly where I need to be. And jealousy isn’t a good look on you.”

He scoffs. “I ain’t jealous.”

“Oh really? So why are you so mad about my date with Speedy? Why are you acting like it’s not in the list of agreements we all made?” He stumbles off into the kitchen and leaves me standing here. I follow him. He looks in the fridge, searching for food. When he finds the leftovers from the restaurant, he starts putting out the dishes. He makes a plate and throws it into the microwave. I lean on the counter. “Pepper, I’m trying really hard not to be pissed at you.”

He licks his fingers from the sauce. “That sounds like a personal problem.”

“Personal prob-? You know what, it is too late. You are clearly drunk and clearly want to start shit.” I decided to leave him in his mess. I nudged my head to his food. “Enjoy our leftovers.”

Pepper scowled. “I will.”

I made it back to my room and slammed my door. Hard. He really knew how to get under my skin. And what makes it worse is that I know he’s deflecting… something. Whether it’s against me or not. I stare at the dark void of my ceiling. We had a rule about sleeping arrangements. We all slept on our own. Each of us claimed a different room in the flat. There were plenty to choose from. Past the kitchen and dining area, there was a hallway with a golden arch, leading into the bedrooms. There were a total of four rooms. And two baths. Speedy chose his room closer to the archway. It was on the right side. The last door before the bathroom at the end. Pepper chose the master bedroom. The one with the private bathroom inside. He was on the left side of the hallway. The last door on that end. My room was set in the middle across from the study room. It wasn’t intentional to be in between them, but it was fitting. For our relationship.

I stared at the digital clock on my dresser. It was pushing 3 a.m. I was left so unsettled and confused. And I didn’t want to be alone right now. I threw my covers off and grabbed my robe. I tipped down the hallway trying to be so quiet. I didn’t knock on Speedy’s door. I just cracked it open to peek inside first. He was sound asleep. His body, diagonally touching on the bed. His legs stretched out. He was only in his boxers. A golden chain laid flat on his neck, unmovable. And tube socks. His feet get cold often. I remember because we had that in common.

As I entered the room and closed the door behind me, he stirred a little bit. Then I heard light snores from his mouth. He must’ve been really tired. Speedy is a light sleeper. I’m surprised he hasn’t woken up by now. I told myself that I would watch him sleep a little longer, then head back to my own bed. But… I wanted to get a closer view. I was still near his door. I moved so cautiously to his bedside. He looked so cute with him cuddling a few pillows against him. I chuckled because I didn’t know his legs were tangled in between them. He is the super affectionate one. It would make sense why he needed a placement there. It just made me want to move them out of the way and replace them with my own body… instead.

“How long are you gonna stand there?”

I gasped. His eyes were still closed so I couldn’t tell if it was sleep talking or did he really know I was here. He stretches before knocking the extra pillows off the bed. He looks into my eyes, supporting his head in his hand.

“Sorry- I wasn’t trying to…. I can leave,” I stumbled out.

He shook his head. “Something is bothering you. I'd rather you tell me than losing sleep over it.”

“But I…” I didn’t feel like talking. I just wanted to feel his body next to mine. This time I needed the physical touch. I needed to be close to him. “I’m okay. Really. Go back to sleep.”

“Moggie… are you really about to leave?” Speedy asked. He stopped me from opening the door by placing his hand on it. I whimpered softly. He spun me around and caught a few tears against his fingers. “No. You’re staying with me tonight.”

“But the rules-,”

“Fuck the rules. I’m not going to leave you crying like this. He got to you…didn’t he?” Speedy asked. It didn’t matter to confirm that. He knew it was true. He sighed and held out his hand in front of me. “Come to bed, Moggie.”

I sniffed and took it. “Okay.”

His body felt amazingly warm. I was under his neck as his head was propped against mine. His lengthy arms wrapped around me, charging up this toasty cocoon. Our legs intertwined with each other… it felt right. He drifted off to sleep right away and I smiled against his skin. I loved hearing his breathing, the air going out and in. It meant that this was all real. I wasn’t imagining him. He molded with my body and there was no way I could move now.

When I woke up, Speedy was nowhere to be found. It was morning, so I’m sure he left for work. I felt the empty space between me and the silk sheets on his bed. There was a knock on his door. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Maybe I had imagined it. There was a knock three times. My heart had fallen into my ass, knowing who it was.

“Moggie,” Pepper said on the other side of the door. “Can I come in…. please?” His tone was calm and mellow. I threw on Speedy’s old college sweatshirt and pulled up my socks. I made my way to the door and placed my hand there.

“Why?” I asked through the door.

I hear him sinking down to the ground. His head rested on the door with a small thud.“I’m sorry… Mogs. You ….didn’t deserve that.”

Tears swelled around my eyes. “No. I didn’t.” I sat against the door too.

“I wanna make it right. Let me try?”

“I don’t know, Pepper. You really hurt me.”

“I know… I know. Shit- I’m sorry. My head was spinning with-no, it doesn’t matter. Moggie, just… please let me in,” his voice cracked. I heard him scurrying to his feet and jingling the door handle. I unlocked it and swung the door towards me. There he stood. Still not in the best state. His eyes were still red and his face kind of puffy. Had he been crying? No, I couldn’t go there. My ground had to remain firm. But… It was hard. He was the man I loved.

Am in love.

So effortlessly …. So deep.

And he was just in front. Standing here, with no shirt and exposed tattoos resting on each muscle. He had on black Calvin Klein briefs. Nothing else.

I folded my arms. “What the hell Pepper?”

He shifted his eyes slightly toward me as he explained, “Moggie. I just …. I don’t know. My head hasn’t been in the best of spaces. Seeing you with Speedy is triggering me, somehow.”

I exhaled and looked up to his watery eyes. “Why is it? I thought you were okay with me dating him too.”

He shook his head. “No, I am. I told you from the beginning, I wasn’t trying to make you choose. In fact, since my sickness…. I didn’t want you to. I figured that if I was gone, you would at least-“

“I’m not letting you finish that sentence, you hear me?” I interrupted him. “I want you to be around for as long as I am.”

“I know that.”

“Then, what aren’t you saying?”

Pepper reaches for me and I let him. He pulls me into this impulsive hug. Like he needed me to feel him. My hands stretched across his back and I felt him relax even more.

“I do feel jealous. But not in the way you think.” Pepper paused to rub his temple. This had been something eating away at him for a while. Whatever it was…. He had been lashing out to run from it. “…..Speedy is healthy. He will be able to give you far more time than I can.”

I’m yelling now. “What did I say, Pepper?! You won’t talk this way around me.”

“But-“

“Enough.” My tears soaked his chest. I pound on him with my fists. “You will get better. And you already have me.”

“Alright, alright… Mog. Please stop crying. That’s the last thing I wanted to make you do…” Pepper lifts my chin to look at me. I couldn’t help myself, so I ended up kissing him. His lips tasted very minty. He must’ve brushed his teeth before seeing me. Feeling cautious that I haven’t, I pulled away. But he doesn’t let me for long. We’re right back into kissing away everything. He lifts me up and carries me to my bedroom. He doesn’t bother closing the door. His hands go up Speedy’s sweatshirt to squeeze my breasts, and I’m cautious again. Was I really going to do this? Was I ready to go all in for him?

Fuck yes.

“Don’t wrap it,” I said.

He paused from kissing me. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” I said. “No more pills.”

His eyes beamed. “Then?”

I nodded. “Yes. I’ll agree to what you want. I will have your baby.”

[doomedjxdgement]

(when the computer actually starts working again)

[piastrinorris]

Happy to Help

Pairing: Keys x f!Reader Genre: smut (18+, minors DNI) Word count: 3.7k Summary: Forgetting you'd spoken to customer support from your favourite game leads to something getting sent to the wrong person. A/N: Listen, I know there's a set-up for potentially more. I would like to write potentially more. But nothing puts a writer off more than demands for a part 2, okay? For now, enjoy my first ever Keys fic. :)

Welcome to Free City Customer Support. We appreciate your patience. Connecting you to a member of our team…

Keys: Hi there! What seems to be the problem today?

You: hi, my screen is like. frozen dead. can't do anything, can't click anything. can't alt-tab out, can't ctrl-alt-delete. but i made a lot of progress between save points and idk if it can still be salvaged

Keys: Oof, yeah, that's the worst. Hopefully we can get you back up and running. Real quick, are you sure it's not your internet? I mean, you seem like you know your way around a computer, just worth double-checking, if it's your network then there's not a lot I can do.

You: yeah, sorry, should have added that. everything else that connects to my internet is working. i have an error message if that helps?

Keys: Yes! That's amazing! Can you send me it, please?

You: it says "error 72816: attempting patch repair"

You: there was a spinning buffering wheel in the corner but it gave up the ghost about twenty minutes ago.

Keys: Interesting. I don't remember making that error message, let alone what would trigger it. Are you sure that's what it says? No typos?

You: you wound me.

You: jk jk sorry this is a Very Professional Customer Support Exchange. no, definitely no typos.

Keys: Hahaha, don't worry, I've read far worse messages from people today, that made me laugh!

Keys: This is a little unorthodox but I'm wracking my brain here and I can't think of another solution. If I give you my work phone number, would you text me a photo of your screen?

Keys: Usually, I'd ask for an email of a screenshot, but, well…

You: yeah sure, whatever gets me out of this purgatory.

Keys: Super appreciate your patience here. My number is: 

Keys: [redacted]

Keys: Okay, got it, deleted the message with my number so it won't show up in chat history, in case you're wondering. Data protection and all.

You: the professional techie guy with the techie-ass nickname being cautious about cyber security? groundbreaking.

Keys: Haha! You got me there!

Keys: Oh! Wait! Are you registered as a beta tester?

You: no?? i didn't know that was a thing??

Keys: Yeah, all ours are internal and I don't recognise your username in our database, now that I've pulled it up. I think you must have just slipped through the cracks, let me look into the code of our new test area and see if I can boot you back out.

You: ooh, are you gonna come bursting in through my door with a swat team to erase my memory, too?

Keys: I'm just a "professional techie guy" here, not a Man In Black, haha. 

Keys: Hey, I see you!

Keys: In this code, I mean.

Keys: It's showing up that there's an unauthorized player.

Keys: That's what I meant.

You: well yeah, didn't think you were in my walls or anything

Keys: Just making sure! Didn't want you really thinking I was stalking you or anything.

Keys: Still don't remember making that error message, but that's another mystery, I guess.

You: ooh, maybe the game's becoming sentient and it's outgrowing us all!

Keys: There's that imagination again!

Keys: I'm gonna reset your position to your safehouse, hopefully also keeping your progress intact? If this doesn't work then a hard reboot is unfortunately the only other way.

You: you're a doll.

You: AHHHH IT WORKED I'M BACK AND I STILL GOT A SICK ASS BIKE WAITING FOR ME IN MY GARAGE

You: THANK YOU SO MUCH AHHHHHH

Keys: Pleasure's all mine, glad I could help. Please reach out if it happens again! Or if you have any other issues!

You: will do. so long, techie guy. thanks for everything!

Keys: Happy playing!

— — — —

It's been a relatively quiet Friday evening for you. Nobody's made any plans to go out, and you're unsure yourself whether you have the energy to. You've pretty much spent your whole day gaming, so you should probably fill your social battery a little, but do you really want to go to a bar by yourself?

You glance over at your phone and smirk at it. There is that guy you've been talking to… Maybe you'll send him something to spice the night up.

Once you've done your hair and make-up to add to the whole look, you find your cutest set of underwear, put it on and take a couple of selfies until there's one you're especially pleased with. Your muscle memory has you tapping three message contacts down, where he always is since you've been texting friends all day, and sending the photo on autopilot with the message: Hey, you.

You giggle with delight when your phone chimes almost immediately after - you've really got this guy whipped, huh - but are surprised to see you've apparently forgotten who else you texted today.

[8:23pm] Keys: OH

[8:23pm] Keys: OH NO

[8:23pm] Keys: I think

[8:23pm] Keys: You've sent this

[8:24pm] Keys: To the wrong person

[8:24pm] Keys: I'm so sorry I saw that!

[8:25pm] You: that's okay, i don't mind that you saw it. :)

[8:25pm] You: besides, burning the midnight oil, still being at your work phone?! don't they have out of hours customer service?

[8:29pm] Keys: I… Might have lied about this being my work phone. I normally have one, but it's getting fixed so I thought I would get away with saying it was a work line to help you out.

[8:30pm] You: and then i went and accidentally sent you an unsolicited lewd. sorry.

[8:36pm] Keys: It was just a shock, is all!

[8:38pm] You: well, since we're both here, and since you haven't deleted the photo yet despite how quickly you deleted your number from the chat log earlier, *and* how long it's taking you to reply, what do you think?

[8:40pm] Keys: Oh god, you're so right, I'm so sorry, I'll delete it now.

[8:40pm] You: don't!

[8:40pm] You: like i said, i want your feedback on it now.

[8:41pm] Keys: Oh! Well, it's very nice.

[8:41pm] You: nice?! ouuuuch.

[8:42pm] Keys: What do you mean? Nice is a compliment!

[8:43pm] You: yeah, from your grandma when you've given her a birthday card. c'mon, i can take it. tell me what you REALLY think. :)

[8:50pm] Keys: I… I think you're very attractive.

[8:51pm] You: there you go! it's super adorable that you're stammering over text, btw.

[9:01pm] Keys: [image attached]

[9:01pm] Keys: It felt weirdly unbalanced that you at least didn't know what I looked like, too.

[9:02pm] You: well damn, no wonder they call you keys, because you are just my *type!*

[9:02pm] You: get it?

[9:03pm] Keys: …That was cheesy as hell.

[9:03pm] Keys: But I like cheese :]

[9:03pm] You: oh yeah? give me your cheesiest pick-up line 

[9:13pm] Keys: Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe!

[9:13pm] You: i award that 🧀🧀🧀/5. you could be cheesier.

[9:19pm] Keys: Okay, fine.

[9:20pm] Keys: Are you Google? Because you have everything I'm searching for.

[9:22pm] You: 🧀🧀🧀🧀. are YOU google because i'm feeling lucky. ultimate cheese has no comeback. c'mon, you're so close.

[9:26pm] Keys: Oof, okay, give me a sec.

[9:28pm] Keys: Although really you should never use Google if you can help it, they already datamine so much information out of you that the less you use any Google product, the safer you are. I use DuckDuckGo myself, but you should really do your own research when it comes to cybersecurity rather than just blindly trust someone, even if they are a professional.

[9:28pm] You: keys.

[9:29pm] Keys: Right. Sorry.

[9:38pm] Keys: If you were a grade, you'd be A+, because I want to take you home and show you to my parents.

[9:39pm] You: okay, that wins. maximum cheese for keys 🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀

[9:39pm] You: next ranking category: 🌶️ 

[9:39pm] You: let's see what you got, hot stuff

[9:45pm] Keys: What?! I can't just send you stuff like that! That's so forward!

[9:46pm] You: keys you've seen my tits

[9:46pm] You: i think we're past that

[9:55pm] Keys: Accidentally!

[9:55pm] You: and all the time you spend scrolling back up to it is "accidental", too?

[9:56pm] Keys: …How could you tell?

[9:57pm] You: every now and then you take a little bit longer between messages. just assuming you're scrolling up lol

[9:56pm] You: like i keep saying. i don't mind at all. you don't have to be shy around me

[9:58pm] Keys: Well, since all my cards are apparently on the table so obviously…

[9:58pm] Keys: Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a foot-long.

[9:59pm] You: ????? talk about 0-60! also i think that deserves negative 🌶️ for the psychic damage it caused me to read

[10:00pm] Keys: You just turned my software into hardware.

[10:00pm] You: what happened to "that's so forward", eh?

[10:01pm] You: but, credit where it's due, 🌶️🌶️. normally a 🌶️ but from you it's like a 2.5/5

[10:01pm] Keys: Your outfit would look great on my bedroom floor.

[10:01pm] You: oh

[10:02pm] You: oh my god

[10:02pm] You: oh you sweet boy, you're googling them, aren't you

[10:02pm] You: or whatever you use instead

[10:04pm] Keys: Some of us need the extra help! We're not all as smooth as you.

[10:04pm] You: sure you are, baby, you just need to get comfortable

[10:05pm] Keys: But I'm already on my bed!

[10:05pm] You: not just in that way! try taking something off

[10:06pm] You: and then send me proof 😇

[10:11pm] Keys: [image attached]

[10:11pm] Keys: ;]

[10:12pm] You: taking off your glasses doesn't count, dork!

[10:12pm] Keys: [image attached]

[10:12pm] Keys: like this?

[10:13pm] You: holy fuck

[10:13pm] You: hi you're hot

[10:14pm] Keys: Hahaha, thank you? I still don't feel any more charismatic, though!

[10:15pm] You: well, going back to your line about being like a good grade you wanna take home… does that maybe mean you also want to pin me up on the fridge?

[10:18pm] Keys: Well, the fridge isn't very sturdy. I think I'd rather do that against the wall.

[10:18pm] You: okay now *that’s* hot

[10:18pm] You: and what would you do with me once you'd pinned me to the wall? 

[10:24pm] Keys: I'm not very good at all of the imaginative talk stuff that sounds sexy. Even using the word seems like the total opposite of what I'm trying to do.

[10:25pm] You: not at all, sometimes bluntness is the sexiest thing of all.

[10:29pm] Keys: Well, I'd really like to kiss you. All over, actually. 

[10:29pm] You: *all* over?

[10:31pm] Keys: Yeah. The way you were posing made your neck look amazing.

[10:32pm] Keys: Oh god, now I sound like a vampire

[10:34pm] You: i promise you don't, that was my intention when i took it lol. besides, vampires are sexy as hell. i'd love it if you kissed my neck

[10:34pm] You: would you touch me?

[10:35pm] Keys: Wouldn't I be holding you against the wall?

[10:36pm] You: true, but there's other ways. like, you could put your leg between mine to keep me in place

[10:37pm] You: mmm, and then i could grind against your thigh while you keep this little promise of kissing and touching me *all over*

[10:37pm] You: does that sound good?

[10:41pm] Keys: Oh god yes

[10:43pm] You: and then that leaves my hands free to touch you, too. i wanna play connect the dots with those cute little moles of yours

[10:47pm] Keys: Oh my god

[10:48pm] Keys: that made me want to trace them myself for some reason and that felt so good

[10:49pm] You: you're touching yourself AND not paying attention to grammar anymore? for lil ol' me?

[10:49pm] You: that deserves a reward, i think 

[10:51pm] You: [image attached]

[10:51pm] You: i seem to have lost my bra, come over and help me find it?

[10:58pm] Keys: holy shit 

[10:58pm] Keys: can i just say what i'm thinking and then you can tell me if i'm going to far 

[10:59pm] You: i think you mean *too, nerd boy, but yes, i'd love that

[11:06pm] Keys: sorry typing is getting difficult at the moment

[11:11pm] Keys: i want to hold them so bad. they look amazing, especially with your nipples so hard

[11:11pm] You: when you say typing is difficult, are you touching yourself right now?

[11:12pm] You: because now i'm playing with my nipples and wishing it was you

[11:13pm] You: tell me, baby. you want me to rub them? squeeze them? you wanna come over and suck on them?

[11:17pm] Keys: i want to feel them get hard. want to touch them while i kiss you

[11:17pm] You: attaboy! i knew you had it in you

[11:19pm] You: they're so sensitive now. and humping my pillow as if it’s your leg isn't enough, can i touch myself for you, please?

[11:23pm] Keys: oh god yes please do

[11:23pm] You: are you okay to call? i have a feeling both of us are getting preoccupied now

Your phone lights up with the name "Keys Freecity" and you immediately put it on speaker, letting the phone rest on your pillow next to you. "Well, hey there."

"Uh, hi." His voice is shaking and his breath is hitching.

"You know, you never told me if you were touching yourself or not," you point out.

"I - I am," he stammers out, and you purr back.

"God, I wish I was there to do that for you. Or at least to watch. I bet you look so fucking good right now. What are you thinking about, then, huh?"

"I was, uh… Thinking, about… The way you look up in those photos… And…" He falters out, but you hear the faintest groan, still.

"Aw, you want me to suck you off, baby?" You tease. "Thinking about me looking up at you? My lips wrapped around your cock? Mmm, I bet it's so big I can barely fit, huh?"

"I… I mean, it's not the sandwich I promised earlier, but… It's definitely bigger than… Average," Keys explains, and you don't hold back on the moan that hearing that news elicits from you.

You still laugh softly at his joke. "Yeah, I could tell, baby. Fuck, when are you coming over and splitting me in half already?"

"God, I wish I could," he replies in a strained voice. “Also, it’s really - hot when y- you call me that.”

"Yeah? And how do you like it, baby? You wanna fuck me on my back, so you can keep watching me as you play with me? Or you wanna be the one to lay there and take it while I bounce on your dick? Or d- do you wanna just - bend me over and - fuck me senseless, huh?" As you finally give into temptation, sliding your hand beneath your panties and finally giving your clit the attention it's been craving for far too long, your breath hitches and your voice gets weaker.

“Oh, god, I… All of it, god, please, I don’t care, just want you,” he groans through the phone.

“I want you too, baby, you sound so good,” you croon sultrily, rubbing yourself in faster, tighter circles. “Are you close, hm? Gonna cum for me? I wanna hear you get off so bad.”

“Wanna - wanna get off for yo- with you, want you, please,” he whines.

“Mmm, tell me one more time, baby. What are you thinking of now?” You ask as you sink a finger inside of you. “Thinking of fucking me, yet?”

“Mm - mm-hm,” Keys whimpers. “You - You on top of me, talking like that and - and riding me, treating my cock so good.”

“I’d treat you so good, baby," you groan, adding another finger. "And you'd fill me up, wouldn't you? Fuck me - oh, right there," you whine as you curl your fingers to hit just the right spot. "Oh god, Keys, need you inside me."

Something about you saying his name short-circuits his brain. You just about hear his strained string of moans and profanities through the phone, picturing in your head how that sweet face of his must look - eyes glassing over, lips slightly parted, chest heaving. Maybe you’d fuck him with his glasses on. Maybe they’d be clouded over, knocked askew on his face as you bounced up and down on his dick. “Did you just come for me, baby?” you coo, your shoulders tensing and toes curling as you feel your own release building.

"Mm-hm, yeah, made - made a real mess of myself, shit," he half-laughs with exhaustion.

“That’s my good boy,” you smile dazedly, your core convulsing around your fingers. "Want me to cum for you, too?"

"Oh, shit, you haven- where are my - God, fuck, yes, let me hear you s… Say my name," his voice shakes with the effort he's trying to exude confidence into his tone, betrayed by the immediate, "please," that rolls off his tongue.

Closing your eyes, imagining that look on his face again, pressing your phone flush against your ear as if it pulls him closer to you, you finally leg out an, "Oh, god, Keys!" before finally feeling yourself gush down your fingers, past your hand, even. Breathing heavily, you pant, "Shit, baby, I think you made me squirt."

"Is that a good thing?" he asks meekly.

"Very. You doing good, now?"

"Very!" He repeats back to you, breathlessly, making you laugh. "Sorry I was so… Pathetic, I guess. God," his voice muffles as though he's rubbing his face while he talks. "But it did sound like you were into it a little," he points out with a lilt in his voice.

You grin, "I sure did, but if you wanted to do it again, but more… Confidently, I'd be more than happy to do that again. If you wanted."

"I've never really done… Any of that before, like, at all," he starts, and you interrupt him with a laugh.

"Yeah, no shit, Mr Subway!"

"Ah, like I said, that's not entirely untrue," he laughs awkwardly. "But I've especially never done anything with a total stranger, much less someone I helped through work, um, they can't - you wo- please, don't -"

"You mean this isn't standard practice for Free City customer support?" You tease sarcastically, before adding in a serious tone, "I won't tell a soul. Besides, I like having you as my dirty little secret."

He chuckles, "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. Maybe the next time you're feeling up to it, we can video call."

"N-Next time?!"

You hurriedly add, "If you wanted, you sounded like you did, if this is the first and last, that's totally -"

"No! I mean, yeah! I mean… If that's… Cool," he stammers.

You smile, "It's very cool. Just gotta be a little more confident. Isn't there something you do when you need that extra boost? Like, surely in the game you gotta be a little more self-assured around trolls and hackers and shit, right?"

He groans, "I was hoping you wouldn't ask about that."

Grinning wickedly, you poke further. "Well, now I have to know. Who are you in the game? Have I ever seen you?"

"I… I play a cop," he admits, sounding as though he'd rather the ground swallowed him whole. "It's usually me and my buddy, and he's - he's a rabbit."

You light up. "Shut the fuck up, you're Dirty Stripper Cop?!"

"Oh god, the players call me that, too?! It's bad enough that Mouser does," he groans in despair.

"No, this is perfect. You just let me know when you’re ready to bring… Dirty Stripper Cop to our little talks, and I’ll be waiting,” you bite back a laugh as you repeat his character’s nickname in the hopes that he’ll still take your offer seriously.

A moment of silence exists between the two of you before he pipes up, “...And what if I still want to talk to you, without… All of this? I mean, if that’s all you want, then I guess, but… I dunno, you still seem really cool, and you made me laugh today, even at work when it felt weird in my cheeks to start smiling. But if this is all you want with -”

The rest of his words get drowned out as you move your phone away from its position to look at your dating app notifications. Keys has apparently not been your only option tonight. And you’ve never been one to commit. But something tells you that this was the best offer you’re getting. And the next one will be. As will the one after that, and that’s not even set in stone, yet. But you’re hoping to guarantee it.

As you return your headset to your ear, he’s still rambling. You cut him off with a simple, “Keys.” He shuts up quickly, and you continue, “I - I meant it. I wanna talk to you again. Maybe more than just this, I dunno, I’m bad at this sorta stuff. But… You’re cute. In more ways than one. And if you wanna keep talking, I’ll try. But that’s all I can promise.”

“That’s enough for me! I’ll, um, I’ll text you in the morning, then? Or is that too soon?”

“I honestly wish I could tell you,” you admit sadly. You hope it gets through to him that your reservations aren’t on his part.

Thankfully for you, he doesn’t seem so keen to give up. “Alright! Well, I suppose I got some cleaning up to do before I get some shut-eye. Um, so I’ll talk to you, tomorrow… At some point. Um, goodnight!”

“Goodnight, baby.”

[mapplejuice]

Don't forget - Your choices still matter.

Another Deltarune analysis, featuring a non-techie person explaining a bit of tech and why we should probably be aware of it.

Since the day of its release into the public eye, Deltarune has made it a point to tell us that "your choices don't matter" -- whether "you" refers to either Kris or you as the player. Toby's already confirmed Deltarune to have one ending, and the game pokes a lot of fun at giving you choices only for your answer (if it even lets you answer) to be inconsequential. This came as a stark contrast to Undertale, where e v e r y choice mattered in the most unexpected ways. Even the choices we thought we erased, the choices we expected no consequence from, could come back with a vengeance later in the game.

So, before we get to into things, let's talk about how Undertale can make your decisions bite you in the ass.

Undertale has a relatively small SAVE file, with only about 500 lines and flags altogether. In your computer's local app data, you can see up to three true SAVE files: file0, for your actual game; file8, referred to as "Flowey's" file; and file9, which is the auto-save file. Within these files, the game stores your name, inventory, room, and your progress through the story (along with other things). On a typical reset, files 0 and 9 are erased (file8 is suspiciously spared, but surprisingly not our target).

What doesn't get erased during a normal reset is the undertale.ini file.

Unlike the SAVE files, you don't need to interact with a SAVE point to update your .ini--it's automatic whenever certain events occur. And unlike your SAVE, which usually keeps track of events as a "yes" or "no", the .ini is a counter, meaning it also keeps track of the amount of times you've witnessed a given scene or done something.

Here's a snippet of my current .ini file as reference. Among other things, we can see my pie preference (Bscotch = 2), how I've killed and spared Toriel once each (TK = 1 and TS = 1), that I've already walked through New Home the first time (Tale = 1), how many times I've died (Gameover = 1; I got cocky in the Undyne fight), and how many times I've walked through the final door (Won = 5). All of these entries affect what the game does, whether it's Flowey directly taunting me or Goat Mom getting deja vu over butterscotch pie.

In short: Undertale uses an external file to keep track of everything you've done, not just everything you've saved. It's honestly a very simple and effective strategy to make your video game meta. Doki Doki Literature Club actually does something pretty similar, using an external "persistent" file to keep track of what scenes you've played out with each girl and what leg of the story you're in. By having a file outside of your saves, something that can be updated in the background without extra action, you can effectively give your characters a ripple-proof memory-- or thereabouts, anyway.

Savvy players, however, will notice that Deltarune still doesn't do this; when you erase a file slot, there's no residual evidence of it both in the game and in the files. And that's true! There's points to be made about how the SAVE files seem to "hide" certain flags, like your vessel choices and your Eggs (which I could DEFINITELY talk more about in the future), but all of these choices are still confined to the same run.

But Deltarune may not need an all-encompassing persistent file-- just one that sees what you're still doing.

So far, there's only one event within the entirety of Deltarune that hints at the game reading not one, but all of your SAVE files at the same time: when you talk to Seam in Chapter 2.

If you've defeated Jevil in any one of your active CH1 files, you can access the Shadow Crystal and Jevilstail/Devilsknife in any of your CH2 files, even if they're not directly linked. Seam will even talk about you defeating Jevil, and be surprised when you say that you haven't. On first glance, this probably just looks like an anti-frustration tool; after all, the Jevil fight is one of the hardest in the entire franchise, and making players beat him in three different runs might be asking for a bit too much. Perhaps it's nothing...

...But how do we feel about the dr "config" file versus "true_config"? Because I'm a little sussed out.

Lo and behold, opening up the dr.ini file reveals a summary of all your active save files (both CH1 and CH2, in-game and end of chapter) in one place. Unlike undertale.ini, it's a much shorter summary with only 8 variables per SAVE. InitLang, Room, Date, Time, and Name are all self-explanatory; "UraBoss" refers to the secret boss fight of the chapter (0 = not fought, 1 = won violently, 2 = won peacefully).

But how about that difference between Love and Level?

I wonder how that changes during a Snowgrave run, or if future chapters include their own "Weird Route".

I wonder why the other files need to know.

Perhaps Ralsei was right--and perhaps, should we continue anyway, our consequences are not confined to one timeline.

[i-am-hoo-iyam]

@restinsodaroni Yn got mot a flat tire and then their spare was flat and then they had a spare in their garage or workroom and then a front tire got stuck in a pothole and they spent ten minutes getting it out. They came in late and hurried to the daycare.

Sun was sitting in the middle of the floor wrapped in blankets with a bowl at his feet. “Yn! Wook at sunnyyyyy he sickkkkk!” The kids were concerned. “Oh gosh are you ok?” “I-I’m fine sunshine!” Sun did not look ok. He was shaking and curled in a little ball. The kids were being ing him blankets and Andy had left his computer unattended for 5 minutes to grab a coffee and use the bathroom ( he was not dead just minority concussed. Yn ( who’s supposed to represent the reader or asker right?)didn’t want to get fired). One of the kids was trying to play cartoons and had started a YouTube tutorial for how to repair a broken hammer on the big screen.

Yn shoed the kid out of the staff desk and grabbed a little plug chip. Sun saw it and started crawling away in fear. “Look do you wanna get better?” Sun stopped crawling away. Yn got sun leaned over the bowl and plugged the chip in and I’ll spare tue details util a now slightly green yn pulled the chip back out. “How can one robot eat so much non food items when I’m not looking? There you got the yucky stuff cleared out that YOU ATE!” “Well when a kid hands me a plastic cookie I have to eat it”. “Sigh. Now that your empty do you feel any better?” Sun was still shaking and his eyes seemed unfocused and far away. “Hmm?” “Aight. Parts and service time. Illl be the one doing the malware scan so you don’t have to worry about getting scrapped cuz I’d never ever do that”.

Yn picked up sun and lugged him parts and services while he whined and said “nooooo”. Yn set him down in the chair and put th e restraints on to help him stay jn the chair better. They plugged the computer into his head and did a scan. “Hot girls in YOUR area!” “Used vacuum only 30 dollars”. “Install our ad blocker now to only see add about upgrading our adblocker”. “Hot singles near you!” “Sun. What did you do this time?”

“I got an ad for a Tetris game and wanted to play it while streaming on the big screen so the kids could watch” “no that’s not it the systems say the Tetris game is safe”. “I also saw a funny cat video download link and wanted to show it to the kids. I never got the funny cat video tho it just said kit compatible.” “You couldn’t get a virus from that I scanned it and it’s clean plus it’s not a compatible file type for your systems. But please stop downloading random stuff off the internet”. “Ok…” “anything else”. “I saw this cute lady in a kitty costume and I thought I could hire her to entertain the kids in her cat costume!” Sun was completely oblivious. Yn facepalmed. “And there’s where it started. DONT hire a neko for the daycare, sun”. Yn cleared and restarted suns systems. If thhis didn’t work they have to factory reset and sun would forget them…

“Hi sunshine! Ho Ho Ho! Are you ready to have some fun?” “Heya sunny! How are you feeling?” “Oh hi! You must be a staff! You have a staff badge!” “No. No please. I didn’t reset everything. Just your downloads. Please remember. It’s me yn”. “Who? Oh I remember a yn! Their my best ever friend forever and ever. I wonder how they are doing!” “Sun, I’m yn! Do you recognize me?” “No I don’t but be patient. I take a minute to come online remember”. Yn fidgeted nervously. They waited. “Oh hi yn there you are I was wondering about you!” Sun and yn shared a hug. Gn was relived and thtey thought it was interesting seeing the process of suns systems slowly booting up again and their level of consciousness increasing from robotic to almost human.

Sun was all better. They headed back to the daycare. A cute little older lady with a cat ear hoodie and her grandkid in her lap was reading “101 astounding facts and tidbits about your furry kitty friends!” Andy wandered over. “She said sun hired her and the security staff said she paid to come and everything so I just let her in as she’s a paying guest”. Yn just stared at the ‘cat lady’ reading to the kids as a cat snoozed on her shoulder. “Hey look the cat lady arrived! “

[justafrogandherumbrella]

Welcome to Nowhere: Fall

Unfortunately, Felicity’s plan involves you continuing to work at your cubicle, and unfortunately, everyone seemed to agree to her plan earlier, so you’re stuck with this. On top of that, the plan requires you to ask for more work- something Andrea was extremely surprised about when you and Felicity asked her. Felicity had done most of the talking- spewing out some bullshit about how she and you had a discussion together, and had thought it was a good idea to take on an additional shift with Jenny and Ava. The reason she had given Andrea for choosing Jenny and Ava to work with you was that they have historically been “problems” and that you had thought this would allow you to keep a closer eye on them now that you no longer worked at the school. 

The real reason is that Emerson thinks it would be a good idea to divide into the same groups as “before,” in case that might help jog your memory. 

So far, you can’t really say your memory feels particularly jogged. Although, you haven’t exactly done anything yet. So far, you’ve just been doing your usual, mindless work at the computer. For once, you try to actually understand what it is you’re reading and typing, but you can’t. It’s all nonsense. None of it has any meaning whatsoever, and yet you keep typing anyway. Everyone does.

After what feels like an eternity, it’s time to start your first shift at your new second job… which is still at Dispassion offices. At the very least, you won’t be in your cubicle anymore. 

As you leave your cubicle, you spot Gia, carrying a hefty stack of paperwork back to their own cubicle. You wonder what they’re doing on this floor of the building. 

“Gia,” you say quietly, approaching them in the most discreet way you possibly can. “How… are you?” you ask, suddenly feeling guilty that they know nothing about what’s going on. They’re still… trapped in that same, wretched state you were in not too long ago. 

“Huh?” they ask in a monotone voice. “Sorry, I'm very busy right now.” They shove past you, making their way to the elevator. 

You’re tempted to go after them, to tell them everything and drag them away from here… but that would ruin the plan. You’d be caught and reset, and you’d have to start all over again. You’re not sure if you can take that. 

Instead, you continue your way to the front desk, where Jenny, Felicity, and Ava await you. Andrea is there too. 

“Alright everyone,” she says in a dull voice. “As per your request, you will all be working a delivery job for Dispassion offices. I truly admire your work ethic,” she says, sounding far too dead to be genuine. You might have been offended if not for the fact that all of you were lying through your teeth right now. Or, well, you don’t really have teeth. Neither do Jenny or Ava. Wait, where does that expression even come from? You know you’ve heard it before… but from who? Not anyone you know now…

“You will be delivering these boxes to the locations listed on the labels,” Andrea continues. “Please do not open the boxes. That is all.” With that, she turns around, heading back toward her desk. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to work now.”

“Well guys,” Felicity says, trying very hard to keep the excitement out of her voice. “Let’s get to work.”

Jenny, who is also very clearly excited, leans in and whispers. “Are you guys ready to abuse our newfound power?”

“No…” Ava mutters, looking a little ill. “I know I agreed to this, but I still think it’s a terrible idea…”

“Don’t worry,” Felicity says, shaking her furry head. “It’ll turn out fine. We’ve got this!”

“Shhh!” Jenny hisses. “If you carry on sounding that peppy, people will know we’re up to something.”

“Yeah,” you say, nodding your head. “Try to sound more dead.”

“Easy for you to say,” Felicity growls, rolling her eyes. “You always sound dead.”

“What? No I don’t.”

“Yeah, you totally do-”

“Okay guys,” Ava declares loudly, still looking terrified. “Let’s get to work.”

Right. You have a job to do. One that actually matters. 

Each of you lift a box, and head toward the elevator. You’re not really going to do anything- not yet, at least. For now, you’re going to do exactly as you’re supposed to do. You’re each going to deliver your boxes to where they’re supposed to go. Places that only you four, Mr. Rotary, and presumably Jerrell have the authority to go to. This way, you can explore all of Mr. Rotary’s weird secret elevator rooms without raising suspicion. Apparently, according to Aderyn, there’s a whole maze of elevator-weirdness. That’s where she was trapped. That’s probably where you’re going. 

“Soooo,” Jenny says, clapping her cloud-hands together. “What’s in your boxes?”

“We aren’t supposed to open them,” Ava says quietly, anxiously picking at her petals. 

“Well, yeah,” Jenny sighs, gesturing at the box lying beside her feet, which has already been opened. “That’s exactly why we should have a looksie.”

“Looksie? Seriously?” Felicity groans as she sets down her box on the elevator floor.

“Yes, a looksie. Mine just has a bunch of staplers,” Jenny sighs, bringing her hand to her head in a dramatic fashion. “Please tell me yours has something more interesting inside.”

“I’m not gonna open mine,” Ava says stubbornly. Jenny shoots her a dirty look, but ignores the comment.

“And Bianca says I’m the goody two-shoes,” Felicity says, rolling her eyes. 

“When did she say that?” Jenny asks. 

“I-” she stops, the fur on her face furrowing with confusion. “I don’t remember…”

“Welcome to my world,” you say in a flat tone. Huh, maybe she was right earlier. Maybe you do sound kinda dead. 

“Yeh, yeah,” Felicity says. She looks down at the label on her box. “Guys,” she says. “It looks like the boxes have special instructions on which buttons to press for each destination. Mine apparently takes multiple elevator trips.”

You look down at your box.

Instructions:

Press the triangle button and the circle button in the office elevator at the exact same moment

When the elevator stops, seek out your next elevator. It will be painted in pastel blue, pink, and yellow stripes

Once in the next elevator, press the up button. This should take you directly to your next elevator, which will be the standard model. 

Once in your final elevator, press the “6” button. Leave the box in the room it takes you to. Trace your steps to return to the office. 

Those are certainly a… strange set of instructions. 

“Mine too,” you say.

“Mine only has one elevator trip,” Ava says, trying to put some of her fallen petals back into place. 

“Mine has two stops,” Jenny says, closing her box back up. “Oh, it looks like you two,” she points to both you and Felicity,  “have a lot of the same stops. You guys only have one difference.”

Felicity looks down at the note taped to your box.  “Huh,” she says. “It’s true. The only difference between your instructions and mine is that third step. The elevator I’m supposed to get on takes me somewhere else.”

“Uhm…” you hesitate, trying to gouge what the “correct” response to that statement would be. “...Neat?”

“The two of us should make our deliveries together, since we have almost all the same stops together, don’t you think?”

You shrug. “Sounds like a decent idea.”

“Alright cool,” she says. “I suppose we should make our first stop then.” She leans over, pushing a triangular and a circular button at the same time. Strangely enough, you’ve never noticed those buttons, despite having been inside this elevator numerous times. You just never really saw it until it was pointed out to you. In fact, you haven’t seen the majority of the buttons on the keypad until now, when you’re looking for them. 

“When should we meet up again?” Jenny asks. “Oh- wait! Nevermind! I have an idea.”

“Well that was quick,” Felicity remarks dryly. 

“Oh, shut up,” Jenny says, rolling her… bits of clouds, you guess? “Here,” she says, looking at your box and pulling out her notebook to write something down. “Ava and I will meet up with you at the striped elevator after we’ve completed our deliveries, and then we can all go explore together. Does that sound like a good plan?”

Felicity hesitates before nodding. “I guess.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ding.

“Alright Rue,” Felicity says, lifting her box. “Let's go.”

You follow Felicity out of the elevator, whereas Jenny and Ava stay behind. 

The moment you step out of the elevator, you are hit with an immediate, overpowering sense of déjà vu. You’re standing on a large, metal platform, completely surrounded by elevators. There are elevators jutting from the ground like rocks, hanging from the ceiling, and emerging from the endless chasm beneath the platform. There are elevators that are turned sideways, jutting around corners, and there are elevators that twist into different shoes- which, if you’re being honest, you don’t think is very safe. The strangest thing, however, is just how familiar this is. You’ve been here before.

Felicity must be noticing it too, because she just stands there, awestruck, muttering something under her breath.

“What was that?” you ask. 

“N-nothing…” she stutters, shaking her head. “Alright,” she says, slapping her paws against her face and dropping her box in the process. “Oh, for fucks sake,” she curses, leaning down to pick up the box again. “Jeez…” she mutters. “Sure hope I didn’t break anything. Anyway- you remember our mission, right?”

“Uhm…” you hesitate, thinking. “We’re like, looking for wherever Mr. Rotary keeps his creepy contracts, right?”

“Yes,” Felicity nods, then pauses, waiting for more. 

“What?”

“Seriously?” she sighs.

“What?” you ask again, feeling just a little put-off. 

“...And?” she prompts.

You ponder for a moment, trying to remember. “Oh, and we’re all making a sort-of mental map of all the secret elevator nonsense to write down in our notebooks, right?”

Felicity scoffs. “Yes, thank you so much for paying attention earlier.”

“Oh, I wasn’t paying that much attention.”

“I can tell,” she says dryly. “However, first thing’s first, and we need to find ourselves that stripped elevator.”

Given it’s bright contrast in comparison to the other, more ordinary looking elevators, it didn’t take long to find. In fact, it appears to be… growing? It looks like something that could be called “growing,” but elevators don’t really grow… Well, whatever. You don’t care that much. The elevator you’re looking for is growing… upside down. On the other side of the platform you’re currently standing on. Lovely. 

“Oh my god,” Felicity groans. “Whyyyyyyyy…” 

Well, you might have to pull off some acrobatics to get inside… you hope you don’t fall. It’s… it’s too far down. You feel sick. 

“Well,” Felicity sighs. “Rue, hand me your box.”

“What?” you ask. “Why?”

“Because,” she answers. “Due to my lack of thumbs, I tend to struggle with writing. You’re gonna be the one responsible for writing down our each and every step- but you can’t do that while carrying a giant box, now can you?”

“No,” you say, setting your box on the ground. “I suppose not. Are you going to carry it then?”

“Yup,” she sighs. “But first I’m going to slide both of our boxes through these pesky doos over here.” She walks to the edge of the platform, standing directly above your next elevator before laying down on her stomach and pulling her box up close to her. “Here,” she says. “Hold my ankles for me.”

“Uhm, okay,” you say, walking over and grabbing her ankles.

“Thanks,” she says, sliding the upper half of her body over the ledge.

Your heart stops for a moment. But it’s okay, you're holding her. She’s safe. Just don’t let go… even if your hands are getting sweaty. 

“C’mon,” she mutters, extending out one of her paws towards the outside button, carrying her box in the other as she dangles over the ledge. “Aaaand…. Got it!

Ding. 

The doors open, and Felicity flings her box inside, jumping in after it. 

“Here!” she shouts up at you. “Pass me yours!”

You kick your box across the floor, then in through the elevator doors. You hesitate for a moment, afraid of what will happen if you fall.

“Hurry up!” Felicity hisses at you from inside the elevator. 

You jump, landing in the elevator just as the doors shut behind you. 

Ding.

Gravity seems to shift and warp as everything around you changes. What was once the wall is now the floor you are standing on, and the ceiling is the wall beside you. 

You feel extremely dizzy- and a little nauseous too.

“You okay?” Felicity asks, looking a little sick herself. 

“I’m good,” you say, gagging a little. 

“Good enough to write down everything that just happened?”

“Yup,” you groan, taking your pocket-sized journal out from your jacket, along with a newly-sharpened pencil. 

“Now get writing,” she says, pressing one of the buttons. 

The elevator starts to move up. 

You do as she says, writing down everything that just happened as fast as you can. Maybe, if you have time, you can even draw a rough sketch of what you’ve seen. 

Ding. 

The elevator opens up inside a dark, empty hallway. At least it isn’t upside down. 

“Well,” Felicity says with a huff as she lifts both boxes into her arms. “Let’s go. Oh- and do me a favor and write everything down as we walk, okay?”

“Uh, okay,” you say, awkwardly holding  your pencil hand, and your notebook in the other. 

You follow Felicity through the dark hall in silence as you try your best to write everything down. You think this is the worst your handwriting has ever been. Then again,  you only remember one instance of you actually writing something down, so who knows. 

Suddenly, you stop. There’s another hall branching off this one. It’s small, practically unnoticeable. 

“Felicity,” you say, tucking your notebook and pencil back into your pocket. “This way.”

“What?” she asks, turning around to face you. “I’m pretty sure-”

“No,” you say. “This way.”

Silently, she follows you. This hallway is narrow. So narrow, in fact, that you can feel its damp, jagged walls pressing up against your shoulders. Still, you press on, without any real knowledge of why you are doing so. 

Eventually, the hall comes to a stop. Embedded into the wall is a white, polished, and completely plastic elevator.

“Rue,” Felicity whispers. “This definitely isn’t the right elevator.”

She sounds afraid. Her fear is… familiar to you. You’ve seen it on someone else’s face before, though you don’t remember who's. Maybe it’s been more than one person- you don’t know. 

You press the up button. 

Ding. 

The elevator doors swing open but there isn’t anything inside. Just an empty shaft. 

“Rue, c’mmon,” Felicity says anxiously. “I don’t like this. Let’s-”

“No,” you say in a distant voice. “Look,” you say, pointing downward. “It’s not too far to fall.”

“What are you talking about,” Felicity whimpers, her voice turning into some sort of high-pitched whine. “You can’t even see anything-”

You step into the elevator shaft, and you plummet… upwards. You don’t think that’s how gravity is supposed to work. 

“Rue!” Felicity shrieks, and soon enough, she’s falling just below you. 

You land softly on a large pile of paperwork. Felicity isn’t long to follow. 

“What is wrong with you?!” She shouts, getting up on her feet just to immediately fall over again. “You-” she stops, staring at the papers around her. “Holy shit,” she says after a moment of silence, looking more afraid than ever. 

Feeling rather dazed, you walk over to the pile of papers she is currently seated on. A certain word catches your eye.

“Contract.”

You did it. You completed the main goal of your mission. You could be done now, right? 

You look up at Felicity, excited. But she doesn’t look hopeful. In fact, she looks… angry. 

“Wh-” you stutter, shuddering under her gaze. “What is it?” you ask, feeling a little anxious yourself. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Well,” Felicity huffs, cramming a couple of the contracts into her purse before standing up. “You did just recklessly jump down an elevator shaft with absolutely no thought about how the hell we’re supposed to get back up there.”

“...oh.”

“Yeah,” Felicity says, crossing her arms. “Oh,” she marches over the elevator shaft. There’s no doors on this end. It’s just a hole in the floor. “Get over here,” she snarls.

“O-okay,” you stutter, walking over to where she stands. 

“You know,” she says, her angry look suddenly disappearing, her voice turning quiet. “Jerrell told me about this spot.”

“What?” you say, completely caught off guard.

“He even predicted we would find it on this little mission of ours.”

“But he didn’t know about-”

“Yes,” she interrupts. “Yes he did. He also told me that if you fall down the shaft twice, you won’t end up where you originally started. You’ll just keep falling.”

“What does this have to do with anything?” you ask, starting to feel an impending sense of dread. 

“Nothing,” she says quietly, her voice breaking a little. She sounds… guilty. 

You shove your hand into your pocket, feeling the tiny, burnt scrap of paper you had tucked away. 

You should have told someone.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers, placing her paws against your back and shoving you down the elevator shaft.