#I believe they are often considered in relation to each other here

[rosenotactuallyquartz]

amethyst & rose

(an analysis on their dynamic)

amethyst & rose have a very fascinating dynamic. amethyst looked up to rose, believing that she made everything better. the feeling was mutual. they never quite knew just how alike they were, but they inspired each other nonetheless.

"rose said i'm perfect the way i am!" — amethyst, crack the whip

“one very important relationship is amethyst with rose, because amethyst is what rose wished she could be." — steven universe podcast, volume 3, episode 1

from the beginning, rose felt a connection to amethyst. there were little pieces of rose’s soul in everyone she loved. from there, she wanted to give them the environment that she never had in her early years.

for example, rose perceived greg as the human version of herself in a lot of ways. their minds worked the same way. garnet & rose connected as gems who shared similar beliefs, and they bonded over their experiences related to love & interpersonal connections—the beauty they saw in things that were considered wrong in the eyes of homeworld’s society. as for pearl… she contrasted rose in many ways, and that made their connection meaningful in its own way, as partners. still, when it came to emotions, they were similar (i.e., how they felt when they wanted to protect something or someone, how they loved, etc. in general, they also felt everything very strongly, so strongly that it hurt them). rose was deeply inspired by her loved ones & often admired the traits & skills that she didn’t share with them. however, the similarities between rose & her loved ones likely played a role in what she wanted to do for them. she wanted everyone to have the environment she never had on homeworld. while there were no rules & freedom for all the crystal gems to be who they are (among other things), rose was very extreme, as sugar states.

"the thing that she really lacks is balance, any ability to temper her extremes. this is part of her character throughout her forms: she's always very extreme." — rebecca sugar, end of an era

“[amethyst] was sheltered from knowing the full truth of her origin & therefore she was not free to build on that aspect of her identity. both the advantages of freedom & the disadvantages of lack of structure manifested in her." — steven universe podcast, volume two, ep two

nevertheless, the way rose revered & loved everyone around her was incredibly sincere & intense. her guilt, self-hatred, & lack of self-acceptance made it hard for her to feel empathy for herself. at the same time, she gave so much care, love, & acceptance to all these little pieces of herself. she never realized just how similar she was to those she loved because she often hid things. to amethyst, rose had all the answers, and every day with her was relaxing, fun, and she felt loved. rose was older than her, the nurturing mom friend who (as amethyst said herself) made everything better. at the same time, it was hard for amethyst to fully understand rose's choices and she never saw a lot of her vulnerabilities.

amethyst & rose were so incredibly similar, & they had no idea just how much they had in common. still, they both knew they were similar. both are playful & young-at-heart. both feel emotions deeply, but they cope with their intensity by trying to make things lighthearted.

they share a sense of wonder that makes them see beauty in the most unusual and odd things—moss, random foods. they probably both brought back the most ridiculous things from missions, much to pearl's dismay.

while rose kept secrets, she also did everything in her power to shield amethyst from anything that might hurt her. because here’s something that pearl + rose have in common: they both want to help so much that it hurts them. they want to prevent harm, to protect those they love & see as precious, but they can’t control everything, & that causes a lot of pain.

"i'm not supposed to be small. and everyone's always acting like there's no problem. you can be anything you want to be. no! i can't. i can't even be the one thing i'm supposed to be, you know?" — amethyst, steven versus amethyst

“rose teaches amethyst: you can be anything you want to be! huge advocate of shapeshifting, self-expression, anarchy—however, amethyst can sense shame from rose and pearl over the kindergarten.” — rebecca sugar, end of an era

literally & figuratively, amethyst and rose both felt smaller compared to the other quartzes and diamonds, respectively. though their situations were different—rose coming from homeworld, & amethyst learning about it later—other quartzes made amethyst feel insecure, powerless, & "wrong," much like rose felt as a diamond. despite this, they both became crystal gems, rebels choosing to be their own individuals, knowing they don’t have to follow homeworld’s rules about their gem’s purpose. they both love living on earth.

"what? you mean about the bad thing? how this bad place is where bad gems came to grow more bad gems? is that what you're talking about?" — amethyst, on the run

"rose's message began to resonate, to pink diamond's dismay. her colony was falling apart. so, like a coward, she called for her diamond allies, yellow & blue, to help." — garnet, your mother and mine

their beliefs also made them ashamed when they looked at their gems. rose, though she became her own person and acted as if the past never happened, still remembered being a diamond.

"i never asked for it to be this way. i never asked to be made!" — amethyst, on the run

"[rose] couldn't stand herself; self-destruction is a huge theme throughout the show—the struggle of the feeling that you shouldn't exist, & what that can do to a person. a lot of the themes of the show exist within rose." — rebecca sugar, end of an era

knowing everything that the diamonds did fueled her self blame & only worsened her feeling that she shouldn’t exist. amethyst feels similarly, and while she became her own person and those around her acted like the kindergarten never happened, she felt like a “big mistake.”

"i’m not going to let you stand there & remind me of everything i hate about myself!" — amethyst, on the run

"[rose] reveres them instead, because they are better than she could ever be, & that reverence is so honest & intoxicating that it draws everyone closer to her, without them understanding the deep self-hatred that pull is coming from." — end of an era, page 88

for a variety of reasons, they both struggle with low self esteem. pink felt insecure around diamonds on homeworld & amethyst felt insecure around quartzes on homeworld, making them feel smaller not just physically but emotionally. they often felt like they needed to change themselves to fit in. they also struggle with the feeling that their closest loved ones are better than them, although the reasons may look a bit different. amethyst knows that garnet, rose, & pearl fought in the war and aren’t from the kindergarten, while rose also feels guilt about where she’s from and feels weak & “bad” compared to the others.

“amethyst finally understands rose... wanting her to shapeshift... not feel obligated to be a quartz... suddenly feels sympathy... kinship. it wasn’t amethyst being inspired by rose. rose was inspired by them!” — end of an era

“the truth is that the people in her life would be so much more understanding than she believes they will be.” — end of an era

“i know you feel bad! believe me, i get it! sometimes it feels like you're never gonna like yourself but it's possible, man!” — amethyst, i am my monster

whenever people ask me what rose needed to do in order to heal, my answer is long & complicated. but i will say, i always include connie’s quote from mindful education. “you have to be honest about how bad it feels so that you can move on!” rose needed to be honest & vulnerable with her loved ones. this includes conversations about the past that she was ashamed of. this is why i never joined the fans who say pearl’s reaction to finding out rose kept secrets from even her was inherently wrong or harmful to rose, as a partner.

i always wished we saw more scenes of rose & amethyst. their dynamic is fascinating, & if rose could see amethyst by the timeline of future, she would understand just how much she could relate to her. opening up was difficult for rose, & for a good reason. revealing secrets she was ashamed of, taking accountability, & apologizing for things would always result in abandonment (isolation) or physical & emotional pain (punishments) during her early life on homeworld, with no positives in the end. hiding must have felt like a necessity for survival, & her fear of being caught by the diamonds worsened her anxiety, making her feel used to always hiding. that’s not to say that rose “did nothing wrong,” but my point is, that she can open up about her past in a safe environment where people may need apologies, might get mad, and may time to process it, but these are safe people with love for rose that is unconditional. they would never react like her abusers did, nor would they believe she ever deserved what they put her through, no matter what. in fact, they would want to help her out. as someone who relates to rose, i think it’s brilliant that the writers show how healing is complicated (though healing is still possible) when a person is in an unsafe environment in their early years. pain from the past also should not be pushed aside and ignored, but with that being said, rose really did contribute to a safe environment for amethyst’s early years. & i think that’s incredible.

both characters are deserving of love & both their stories demonstrate the importance of being open with a support system about pain from the past & things they’re ashamed of. self acceptance and looking at every aspect of yourself is so important when it comes to ongoing struggles with self esteem & self hatred.

despite the tragic parts, amethyst & rose had a dynamic that was both close & meaningful. amethyst loved the life she had with rose, & now, she completely understands rose’s actions & everything rose did for her. as for rose, she loved someone who she knew well enough to be able to relate to, on some level. seeing their similarities, even the ones that are as simple as personalities, probably helped rose love herself a bit more.

[ifindus]

What's the story behind Denmark and the Netherlands?

Like, behind the ship? Or just in general?

Denmark and the Netherlands has a long history of friendship as well as many similarities between them. They have been trading partners since the Middle Ages, especially regarding cattle trade, that peaked in the 1600s and is this ongoing with Denmark exporting a calves to the Netherlands. Many Dutch refugees fled to Denmark during the Eighty Years War between 1568 and 1638, which further established links between them. They had a rough patch in the 1620s when Denmark upped the toll through Øresund because they were low on money. This cuased the Netherlands to join Sweden in war against Denmark in 1643. Still, after this, the Netherlands and Denmark-Norway remained allies and the Netherlands came to help when Sweden attacked Copenhagen in the 1660s. The Netherlands saved the city from capture. Likewise, Denmark-Norway helped the Netherlands in the war against England in 1665, which resulted in Dutch victory, as well as in the Thrid Anglo-Dutch War between 1672-1674. Further on, Denmark attacked southern Sweden as retaliation after Sweden had attacked the Netherlands in 1675. Sweden won the battles on land, but lost at sea.

Both Denmark and the Netherlands have similar terrain, extremely flat, and as such has both a love for biking and have infrastructure that facilitates this. Apparently the Danes and the Dutch are two of the few countries that celebrate copper wedding anniversaries (12,5 years) in the world, and they are both known for having similar mannerisms.

So, Denmark and the Netherlands have a long shared history of allegiance, trading, and cooperation between them, as well as cultural similarities and shared interests. Also, both their languages are incomprehensible garbage

[sneakygreenbean]

so we all know that the 36 Lessons of Vivec is considered Vivec's confession- and apology. But what I think yall are sleeping on is the Fables of Almalexia, both the Homilies and the Fables for morning, afternoon, and evening.

Each story in the four books written by Almalexia ends with a moral or lesson, and it is not uncommon for one of the Tribunal to feature in the stories as well. While a few lessons are based on real world fables (such as the Boiled Kagouti or the Gifted Guar), many of the others had lessons that directly related to the flaws and stories of the Tribunal. I think these fables that likely every dunmer child who went to temple heard, were all confessions of their own, and warnings just the same as the 36 Lessons.

Obviously, I don't care about all of these, you can read them yourself and come to your own conclusions, (hell, even synthesize them with some of the 36 Lessons, that would be fascinating for me to read) but I do want to talk about a few of them.

"Sotha Sil and the Scribs" has the moral "And so Sotha Sil discovered that the idle amusements of one may be the solemn tortures of another.", and looking on Sil's character in The Elder Scrolls: Online it is obvious that he sees mortals- even his own disciples- as somewhat lesser than him. And as a god, this belief is not wholly undeserved. Sotha Sil is significantly more powerful, older, and in many quantifiable ways *better* than the mortals he rules, that's just in the territory of being a god. But when the mortals- the scribs, in the fable- suffer, Sil is at best distant and apathetic, seeing suffering as not only not his responsibility, but also inevitable. Luciana Pullo's diary shows us a lot of what this looks like from the perspective of a mortal, even a powerful, interesting mortal that Sil obviously respects.

in "The Tallest Shroom Beetle", a beetle ""ascends"" by climbing, and is killed by a cliff racer. The moral here is stated to be "forsaking one's nature brings nothing but ruin." which would read as terribly hypocritical if taken at face value. The Tribunal, who were once mortals, warning others not to forsake their natures, to me more likely shows regret than hypocrisy.

In "The Friendly Alit" the lesson we are to learn is that "that which we hate in ourselves is often our greatest gift". Sotha Sil is the easiest to compare this to when we see his relationship with time- more on that later. I have thoughts on Almalexia that cannot be summed in a tumblr post about childrens fables, but believe me when I say I've been thinking about her. Despite this, I don't have an answer for what Almalexia might hate most about herself- she is the member of the Tribunal that we know basically nothing about before she becomes a god, her backstory being swallowed by her marriage to Nerevar. She is basically shown as having no weaknesses, and her actions are difficult to interpret even at face value.

Certainly related is the idea of Almalexia or one of the other Tribunal admitting their flaws (it is worth noting that in the Homilies, Almalexia is directly cited as the author, whereas in the Fables for Morning, Afternoon, and Evening, there is no author given. We have *assumed* that these were written by Almalexia, I mean, her name is on the cover, but it is only listed as a group of fables.)

in "The Crow and the Netch" the moral is "none can change their own weakness". Once again I think this is related to the hindsight we see in "The Friendly Alit", which seems to suggest that, if we are to seriously consider these fables, they might show the regret of the Tribunal. Each sees themself as weak in their own way, and even after sacrificing everything to destroy that weakness, they are still the same.

Related, in "The Child of the Councilor", the lesson learned is "We often forget to be thankful for what we have, when thinking only of what we want."

Many of the Homilies can be seen as confessions of regret, hindsight regarding limitations, and most importantly, flaws. I will probably end up writing an essay on this when i get around to it because I'm really normal

[cuubism]

based on THIS shitpost. nsft below the cut. inexplicably 7k.

--

Dream had promised Hob, since reuniting, since agreeing to see each other more often, that he would let Hob introduce him properly to human experiences. "It'll do you good," Hob had said. Dream thinks Death would agree with this also. He is now wondering, however, if this had been folly.

"I think I've given you the general rundown now," Hob says, leaning back in his chair, swirling his bottle of beer—mostly empty—idly in one hand. "The highlights. We'll be here for ages if you want to hear all of it."

Dream is surprised to realize he is curious to hear the stories of all of Hob's lovers. But he does not feel it is quite appropriate to press, no matter how open Hob has been in speaking of it. Dream is most interested, after all, in people Hob has loved, not just those he's had carnal relations with—stories of love are of much more interest to him than stories simply of desire, and Hob has already relayed these stories to him, each a glimmering jewel on the long chain of his life.

Each sticks in Dream's mind now, glittering in his peripheral vision. He cannot tell precisely what they want of him—the corners of his being are blurred, his thoughts wavering, at points clear and ringing and at others indistinct. A consequence of allowing alcohol to affect him, at Hob's bidding. It is... pleasant. Loose. Warm. Though Dream thinks, anywhere outside of Hob's flat, it would feel disconcerting instead.

It's this folly in allowing Hob to ply him with wine, perhaps, that has him saying, "Do you wish to hear of my own?"

Hob's expression sharpens. He is, perhaps, less drunk than Dream is, despite being on his fourth beer, while Dream has only had— ah. That bottle of wine is three-quarters empty. Hmm. "You mean, you want to talk about it?"

"I believe it is customary for friendship to involve a mutual sharing of stories?"

"Sure, if you want to." Hob's gaze on him is intent, curious, but still fond, always fond. "Usually you're like this." He draws his fingers across his lips in a zipping motion. "So of course I'm curious."

"Am I so reticent?" Hob is right, though. Dream can acknowledge it. He would not usually care to speak of these things. He could blame the wine, today. But.

Hob laughs. "Took me six hundred thirty-three years to get a name. You are the king of reticence." He dips his head as if bowing to this "king." "I would be honored to hear your stories, my friend."

Dream tucks his nose into his glass. He should perhaps not drink any more, but the smell is still pleasant, rich and sharp. "They are not so happy."

"Still. If you want to tell."

Dream is not like Hob. He does not have casual dalliances. Each collision was as bright as a falling star. He doesn't know if he has the strength, now, to relay all that terrible history.

Instead, he shares with Hob the early days of burning. Each of those bright, glowing moments. And glosses over the fall.

He thinks Hob sees it, though. He considers him from under his brows as Dream speaks, understanding in his eyes. Doesn't ask him about it, perhaps sensing that Dream does not have the wherewithal for telling and asking in the same evening. "Thank you," he finally says.

"Why?"

"For sharing."

Dream looks back down at his glass. It's empty again. Perhaps that is for the best. It is not often that he... shares. Particularly about this. But Hob is generous in not prying. In wanting to listen, for the simple sake of, as far as Dream can tell, understanding Dream.

When he looks up again, Hob is tapping the mouth of his beer bottle against his lips in thought. "Can I ask you something? It'll probably be utter silliness to you, though. Being this... beyond human entity that you are."

Dream's shoulders tense where they'd gone relaxed with drink and Hob's company. "Go ahead."

"Were all of your lovers women?"

And Dream relaxes again. Ah. This is just... factual. Not... digging in to his many relational failures. "I suppose. Yes."

"Is that by design, or...?"

Dream frowns. "I do not... understand."

"Well, since we've established that I'm an indiscriminate slut—" always so crude, but something about the click of Hob's tongue makes Dream shift uncomfortably in his seat on the couch— “I was wondering whether you were the same way." Then he winces. "Not the slut part. The indiscriminate part."

"Do you mean to ask if I care about the gender or sex of my lovers?"

"Yep. Knew I should have just been straightforward with you."

Dream thinks about it. He has never made a pattern of his relationships, the way humans do. He simply... does what his foolhardy heart commands. Usually with poor results. "I suppose I do not. Care, that is. But. My lovers have been women, yes."

Hob tilts his head. There's a new gleam in his eyes, now. He goes to finish his beer, but it’s empty. Dream watches the drag of his lips over the mouth of the bottle.

"Does that surprise you, Hob Gadling?" he asks. "That my amorous pursuits have been so much narrower than yours?"

"Mmm. Little bit? It's just, even if I hadn’t—how can I put it politely—fucked my way across half of London already by the time we met, I can't imagine making it six hundred years without ever at least experimenting?" He grins. "I could be straight as a nail and curiosity alone would've got me in some bloke's bed at least once. Hmm. Maybe three times just to be sure."

"It is good that you cannot die, for I believe curiosity would have sounded your death knell twenty times over by now."

Hob raises his bottle in Dream's direction. "True, that." Then he leans forward on his knees, eyes bright with, of course, curiosity. "But weren't you ever curious?"

"I contain the collective memory," Dream reminds him. "All fantasies. And dreams. If I need to understand an experience, I can simply consult that breadth of knowledge. I do not need to 'wind up in some bloke's bed.'"

Hob's leaning so far forward now he might come toppling off his chair. "But do you wanna?"

Dream frowns. "I do not..."

"Do you want to experience it yourself, though?" Hob repeats. "Cuz I could watch porn—" Dream wrinkles his nose at this crude analogy for his relationship to his dreams, but the offense is swiftly banished as Hob continues— “but that's not the same as—” his hand lands on Dream's wrist, fingertips pressed to where he would have a pulse— "that."

Dream freezes. Under Hob's fingers, his heart jumps once, quick as a mouse.

"I've no doubt you understand it, Dream," continues Hob, and perhaps he had drunk less than Dream had thought, for he seems very lucid now, "but that's not the same as being there."

Dream fixates on where they are touching. His skin feels very hot, at that point. "And what. Is being there like?"

Hob's fingers slip a little higher, just under the sleeve of his coat. He is still wearing his coat, yes, why is that? He feels very warm. "Could find out?"

"Are you suggesting I should find some man to bed me?"

"Some man," Hob repeats, jaw working. His gaze is hovering somewhere around Dream's collar. "Some man who knows what he's doing, yeah."

"And..." an echo of a breath is frozen in Dream's lungs. Some instinct saying, be still. A pulse at his elbow, in his thigh, at his throat. Hob still has his wrist pinned. "Do you know what you are doing, Hob Gadling?"

"Never in my life," says Hob, and leans in and kisses him.

He has to get out of his chair to do it. Has to lean down over Dream, taking Dream's cheek in his hand. Has to tip Dream's head back, and sweep his tongue into his mouth from above, or perhaps Dream only tells himself that he has to rather than acknowledge that it is Dream himself baring his throat, opening his mouth to Hob's.

If he wished to know what it was like to be kissed by a man, now he knows: strong and lingering and hungry. Or perhaps that is just Hob Gadling. Hob's stubble brushes his cheeks. He can smell Hob's cologne, rich and sweet like whiskey. He wraps a hand around the back of Hob's neck so he can't pull away far.

Hob's eyes are heavy-lidded when he looks at him. Dream touches his own lips, and Hob follows the movement. "I'm not certain I understand," Dream says. "This is not enough data to make a determination."

"Definitely not," says Hob, and kisses him again, pushing him into the back of the couch. The strength of his hands sends fire racing all the way up Dream's spine, curling around his neck, burning in the tips of his ears. He bites experimentally at Hob's lower lip, and Hob groans low in his throat.

"We're not—" Hob pulls away, lips shiny and wet, "we're not doing this here. Come on."

He stands upright again, and Dream will deny to the end of the universe the dissatisfied sound he makes when Hob's warmth leaves him. Hob smiles, soft and fond now, and takes his hand. "Come on, love."

Love.

Some man, Dream thinks, as he lets Hob pull him up. Join some man in bed. As he follows Hob down the hall to his bedroom. For curiosity's sake. As Hob kneels to help pull off his boots. Just to understand. As Hob divests him of his coat.

Experimental.

"You're so buttoned up." Hob smoothes his hands over Dream's shoulders, his bare arms under his t-shirt. "Let me know if it's too much, okay?"

"Yes." Too much, yes, it is too much, to see Hob look at him like that, with care and with hunger, for Hob to touch him gently, it makes his skin prickle, his cheeks heat, his throat terribly dry. It is too much; he will not tell Hob to stop.

I want to understand, Dream thinks. I want—

Hob smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "Come on, then."

Hob is already barefoot, being less guarded than Dream, and he leads Dream up onto the bed. Dream follows, chasing his hands, and Hob does not deprive him. He leans against the headboard and lets Dream settle in his lap, immediately framing his face again between his palms. For the sake of learning, Dream pushes all the dreams of this aside, so that it is just him and Hob. New. Theirs.

He looks into Hob's eyes, very close now, and he feels light, floaty, good. Perhaps the wine was a bad idea. Perhaps it was right.

"What d'you want, darling?" Hob asks. Brushes his lips to the corner of Dream's mouth. "Tell me. This is for you, after all."

Yes. For Dream. A scientific exercise, he must remember. It will help him... understand. It will help him create more vivid dreams. That is all.

He can feel Hob's growing erection pressing against him. His own jeans growing tight. "I would like. The full experience."

Hob laughs, but it's a friendly laugh, not at his expense. Dream can recognize that, now. "There's no full experience. Sex counts as sex if you say it does. But if you're trying to say penetration, we can do that."

Dream shivers at the word penetration, sitting so matter-of-factly on Hob Gadling's tongue. "Yes. I believe that is what I meant."

"Alright." Hob may be matter-of-fact, but he does not sound unaffected. His voice has gone rough, his eyes dark, a flush along his cheeks. His hands fall from Dream's face to brace his hips, thumbs sweeping under the hem of Dream's shirt to touch his skin.

But he doesn't push Dream down into the mattress. Instead he pulls Dream closer by the hips, saying, "C'mere then," and Dream goes back to his mouth. Sinks into Hob's kiss, and the searing heat of his hands on Dream's hipbones. It's different. It's already different. But he can't yet determine if it's different because Hob is a man, or because he is Hob.

Hob, who has been a friend to him even when he couldn't recognize it. Who wants him to enjoy things. Wants to share with him.

Hob pushes Dream's shirt up over his head. Dream has not been bare in front of someone since his escape, but he doesn't think he minds, when it's Hob. When it means he gets Hob's broad, strong hands on his back, pulling him close, and Hob's lips on his shoulder, the crook of his neck, kissing and leaving marks.

"You know, once upon a time I thought you were above all this," Hob murmurs. He touches Dream's belly, his chest, his neck, holding lightly. "You were so... untouchable. Couldn't imagine you lowering yourself to engage in such—” he bites at Dream's earlobe— “such base activities."

"'Untouchable,' Hob Gadling?" Dream says. Hob's hands are cradling his throat now. Hob catches his point and flexes his fingers; Dream swallows under the grip.

"Always wanted to know," Hob murmurs, "if anyone'd touched you at all."

Not in a very long time, it is true. Dream burns with it, now, everywhere Hob touches him is alight. "What would you have done with an answer?"

"Dared," says Hob. "I expect."

"Always daring," Dream says. Indulges himself and slips his own hands under Hob's shirt, feels out his stomach, his hair, his back, all the strong lines of him. Hob's shoulders are pleasing, and his hips where Dream squeezes with his thighs, and these are not things Dream has thought of much, before. He wants to see more. To feel more. "Daring to be the first man to have me."

"Don't say things like that if you want me to keep my sanity." The words are rough like Dream has reached in and touched him instead of just spoken, and Hob's chest rises and falls heavily under Dream's hands.

"Maybe I don't."

This makes Hob chuckle, and Dream feels the rumble of it through his body. He wishes there was not the barrier of their clothes to dampen it; more than seeing Hob, he wants to feel Hob, his skin is prickling with it, his mouth is tacky and dry with it.

"How do you want me?" he asks, and whatever change Hob hears in his voice has him stiffening up, going serious. Dream doesn't know how he feels about it—he enjoys Hob's ease and laughter, but the intensity is... he feels it like a touch.

"How do you want to be had?" Hob counters, and before Dream can contemplate the myriad possible answers, adds, “Do you want to be? Is that what you meant? Only I would have thought— but then again—”

Dream does not interrogate the rambling path of Hob's assumptions. He says, "I would like to know. What I have not. Personally. Experienced, yes."

Daydreams poke at Dream's awareness as the image flashes through Hob's mind. Dream doesn't touch them, but the awareness of their existence alone has him shifting where he straddles Hob's lap. Hob's cheeks darken, and he says, "Strangest way anyone's ever asked me to fuck them. Yeah, alright. Budge up, love?"

Love. Again. Dream climbs off Hob's lap, kneeling beside him as Hob strips off his own shirt, flinging it somewhere--Dream doesn't see, for he is looking only at Hob. The solidness of him, where Dream often feels made of wind; the warmth of his belly, where Dream touches him, while Dream himself often feels cold. So made of earth, Hob Gadling.

Hob lays a hand on Dream's chest as if to push him down to the bed. No strength behind the touch, but the impression of it. "Need you to tell me if it starts going wrong. I'm serious, Dream."

Despite himself, Dream bristles. “You think me incapable of conveying my displeasure?”

Hob huffs. “I think you’re just prideful enough not to. Just be direct with me. You don’t have to prove anything.”

Perhaps... Hob is not entirely wrong. “…I shall," Dream vows at length. Hob nods, and smiles at him again, that warm smile. Dream can’t help but feel pleased to have made him smile so. Hob pushes, and Dream goes, lies back against the pillows, and Hob kneels between his legs. Hands sliding again to his hips, to the waistband of his jeans. Dream watches with fixation, caught on Hob's fingertips.

Hob has apparently decided he does trust Dream to interrupt if he doesn't like something, for he doesn't ask again before unbuttoning Dream's jeans. But Dream can tell Hob is still paying close attention to his reactions, and it's heady to be attended to so.

He lifts his hips for Hob to pull off his jeans, and then gets to bask in a look he can only interpret as adoring. Hob looks upon him that way, and strokes up and down his thighs, over his hips and belly. Dream's skin jumps at the touch.

"You're so fucking gorgeous," Hob says, sounding wounded by it. "Everyone who sees you must go home wishing you were going with them, I refuse to believe otherwise."

Dream smiles, despite himself. "This may be a particular bias of yours, Hob."

"Yeah, maybe. I'm right, though." He leans down, hovers over Dream, kisses him. Dream pulls him down so their bodies are pressed together. Hob's skin is so warm, his hair softer than expected, the fabric of his jeans a rough counterpoint where it scratches Dream's inner thighs, rubs against his cock lying hard in the crook of his hip. A wealth of sensation. A pleased, wanting sound escapes him, before he can stop it—but Hob catches it, looking delighted to do so, kisses it right out of Dream's mouth. "You've left broken hearts in your wake. Still can't believe this is your first time doing this."

"Revel in that victory if you must."

"No victory," says Hob. "Only privilege."

And he kisses Dream again even as he works a hand between them, takes Dream in his grip. Dream gasps at the touch, breaking the kiss. Hob's hand is warm and rough and very sure, and Dream can't help the way his whole body tenses with that simple touch.

He feels Hob's smile against his cheek. His voice drips with satisfaction. "Are you sensitive?"

Dream does not get a chance to answer. Hob strokes him again, hums as Dream bucks up involuntarily into his grasp.

"Oh, I'm going to make you feel so good," Hob muses, his voice a warm rumble in Dream's ear. "I know I can. You deserve it."

"Hob—"

Hob kisses his own name out of Dream's mouth, a deep, biting kiss, and this confidence, rather than being offensive to Dream's station, is riveting. Dream feels spelled.

"Just let me take care of it," Hob says, and moves away, and Dream groans at the loss of his body heat.

"You will take what you want now?" Dream complains, knowing full well even as he says it that it is nonsense. But having Hob's touch and then losing it is making him insensate; truly, he had not thought he could fall so far. "Is that what this is, Hob Gadling?"

Hob chuckles. "Oh, no." He kisses Dream's sternum, and down along his abdominal muscles. Mouths at Dream's belly, where Dream shifts under him, ticklish and affected, skin jumping, and then Hob noses at the base of his cock, and Dream realizes what he's gotten himself into only right before it comes to light.

"No, Dream," Hob says, lips now brushing the head of his cock, and like that he looks up and meets Dream's eyes. "I serve at your pleasure."

He takes Dream in his mouth, strangling Dream's response before it can even reach his throat. Not that Dream knows what he would have said. It's whited out instantly in the rush of pleasure that is Hob's mouth, and tongue, the generosity of his body, the vision of him between Dream's legs.

He's voiceless as Hob bobs his head, takes Dream deep, laves his tongue over his slit, applies what Dream must concede is his considerably greater experience to breaking Dream's ability to speak entirely. He grasps mindlessly at Hob's hair, it slides soft between his fingers, head tipped back against the pillows and thighs jerking restlessly, and still he knows this is but a precursor to what Hob truly intends for him. What he's... asked for. Folly. What had he been thinking?

Hob lifts his head to look at him, a line of spit dragging from Dream's cock to his lower lip. "Dream, you with me?"

Dream nods. His hand is still in Hob's hair. He pets at Hob's forehead, his temple, and Hob smiles. Like Dream is the one being indulged.

"Good?" he says, and Dream nods again. Hob takes his hand from his hair, kisses his knuckles, and Dream does not think this is how casual experiments are meant to go. He does not know what he is learning, except that Hob's kiss is soft and reverent, and the look on his face even more so.

"Is this," Dream asks quietly, hyperaware of how he's laid out on his back, Hob between his legs, "how you want me?"

Hob releases his hand. Drags a fingertip maddeningly up and down the crook of Dream's thigh as he considers. "Probably be a bit easier for you on your belly, but I don't want to make you feel vulnerable."

Dream is not certain there is a version of this that would not feel vulnerable. That it does not already. "I defer to your better judgment."

"Stay there, then." He moves away, and Dream takes the moment to gather himself. He's not certain he succeeds. He's spinning pleasantly, buzzing with the echo of Hob's touch. He wonders what might happen if he gives up on trying to right himself.

Hob comes back with lubricant, situations himself between Dream's legs again. Runs his hands up and down Dream's thighs and Dream spreads them wider on instinct. Hob swallows hard, Dream watches the harsh bob of his throat. He's still wearing his jeans, and Dream wishes he would take them off, he wants to pet at Hob's thighs in turn, he wants to see.

"You're a holy vision," Hob says, still studying him with that look, raw and strangled. Find some man to bed you, Dream thinks, feverishly. Some man.

He plucks at the fabric of Hob's jeans. "Hob—“

Hob chuckles. "Sorry, sorry. Bit unfair of me, isn't it? Got too distracted looking at you." He unzips his jeans then, pulls them off, and then is sitting there only in his underwear—something which Dream does not bother to manifest for himself because his clothing is made already of dream stuff, but perhaps he will start because Hob bare before him, his cock heavy and hard in his boxer briefs but still obscured by the fabric is—

"Dream?" Hob asks, as Dream pushes himself up on his elbows and reaches for him, mesmerized, cups his hand around Hob through the fabric, feels the warmth and heft of him, "did I break y— ah fuck."

Hob pushes into his hand, bends down over him again to kiss him as if summoned to it, and it is thrilling, sparkles along every vein, to get such a reaction. To have Hob caving to him. "Fuck, Dream."

Dream indulges himself further, slips his hand under Hob's waistband, takes him in his grasp, and Hob jerks against him. Dream's mouth waters at the weight of him, he has to swallow thickly to clear his throat, his own cock is heavy and straining, and he parts his thighs further for Hob. Vulnerable. Yes. This is vulnerable, and especially so in the waking world, and he wants, he wants Hob in him. A new feeling.

"Hob. I want—"

"I know, darling. Fuck, you're beautiful. Your hands—" He shakes himself. "Right. Right."

Hob sits up again. Strips off his underwear properly. His hair is hanging loose and messy now, eyes ever so slightly glazed with pleasure, chest rising and falling, his prick hard and ruddy at the tip. He is arresting.

He pushes Dream's legs up so his knees are bent, finds the bottle of lube where it's fallen into the sheets, pours some out into his hand. Leans in to kiss Dream’s belly, pleasant and tickling, and in the same motion drags a finger over Dream’s entrance.

Dream catches his wrist, inhuman pulse peaking in his throat, like a burst of dream stuff. “You do not need to put in such effort. This body does not have these human limitations.”

Hob tsks and taps his hand away. “You said you wanted the full experience. And the full Hob Gadling experience includes proper prep and aftercare, even if you're made of whims and fantasies. Free of charge, by the way."

"Oh, indeed?" This comes out significantly less teasing, and significantly more affected, than Dream had intended. "And what will the rest cost me?”

Hob winks at him. "Only your pleasure, darling."

This time, he leans over Dream, takes Dream’s wrist and pins it to the bed by his head. Dream lets out a choked gasp. The sudden pressure of Hob’s grip makes something stand out sharply within him, and then collapse again in relief. Hob makes a considering noise, and holds him there as he presses a finger lightly to Dream’s entrance with his other hand.

Dream shudders as Hob pushes his finger in, one knuckle, two, as he works in and out of Dream’s body, stretching him— it is an odd sensation, one he half-feels he should shy away from, but Hob’s grip on his arm is grounding, and Hob kneeling between his spread legs is tickling something in him that wants very badly.

Then Hob crooks his finger and pleasure rushes through him like a windstorm. Dream arches off the bed, grabbing at the sheets, and Hob laughs. “Thought you might like that.”

“Hob.” Dream thinks he means this to come out admonishing but it’s far more strained. Hob doesn’t give him time to recover, he drags his finger over Dream’s prostate again and Dream bites down hard on his lower lip. Hob slips his finger out, returns with two, and now it’s a stretch. Dream grinds down on him, resists the urge to whine as Hob works him over on his fingers, rubbing over his prostate on every other stroke.

“You are unbelievably gorgeous,” Hob murmurs, watching where his fingers slip in and out of Dream’s body, and then back up at Dream’s face with awe and fixation.

“Even,” Dream struggles over the words as sensation washes through him, Hob’s fingers in him, filling him, so much and yet he wants more, “spread out, like so?”

“Especially then. The way you move on my fingers,” he twists his hand to emphasize the point, and Dream shudders, "the fact that you let me. D’you know how long I’ve looked at you and wondered?” Saying this, he kisses Dream, sliding his hand up Dream’s wrist to clasp their fingers together. “Passing Stranger, your body has become not yours only nor left my body mine only. Fuck, I wanted to see you like that.”

You give me the pleasure of your eyes, Dream thinks, but doesn’t quote the poem back to him— Hob reels him away again by the touch of his hands. He pushes a third finger into Dream, and now it is tight, it is so much, but Dream pushes himself back onto Hob’s hand. Hob’s fingers move gloriously within him, touching every part of him, and he starts speaking again in his low, honey voice, that’s it, darling, good, feels so good, yeah? and Dream needs Hob inside him. Hob has pulled him by the throat from inexperienced to grasping, and he is grasping.

Hob keeps fingering him, spiking his pleasure higher, his cock hanging heavy and teasing Dream with each move he makes. Dream himself is painfully hard, and it sharpens the feeling of Hob in him from maddening to agonizing. Hob kisses him, licks into Dream’s mouth, and Dream opens to his tongue. He opens to him. Like a yawning, cavernous thing.

Wanting Hob in him has shifted to needing Hob in him has shifted to lacking Hob in him, that Hob is a fundamental part of him and without him Dream is bereft. “Hob,” he whines, mortified by the sound of it but unable to drag himself back to that place of control he had surely—surely?—started the evening with. “Please—”

Hob’s head jerks up and he looks at Dream in shock. And. Oh.

Shame rushes through Dream’s body. Who has he become, begging a human to fuck him? Is he not the Lord of all Dreaming, is he not above this? Once, Dream was a skillful and assertive lover, he could bring the full power of the Dreaming to bear for his lovers’ pleasure, he could craft every moment exactly as needed— and now—

But Hob doesn’t draw away in disgust. Or gloat over the position he’s maneuvered Dream into. He smiles down at him, a soft look that goes just a bit pained at the edges as Dream tenses. Then he presses his lips to Dream’s cheek. Even that simple touch makes Dream shiver.

“It’s alright, darling,” Hob murmurs, so gentle but the heat of it still winds through Dream’s insides. “Don’t you know I’ll give you what you need? You don’t have to beg for it.” He slips his fingers out and back in, only two now, working them as deep as they’ll go. “But you sound so pretty when you do.”

“Please,” Dream says, the words again dragged from him unbidden, unspooled by the feeling of Hob inside him, there but not enough. Hob kisses him, swallows his plea like sweet wine, works him on his fingers, grinds his cock in tantalizing lines over Dream’s thigh. And gradually something unlocks in Dream’s ribcage, each piece turning itself open in realization. Hob likes when he asks, begs even. But he isn’t going to make him.

Asking, then, feels less like a wound rent in him, showing all his torn pieces, and more like a spell that will draw Hob to him. Speak, and he will come.

“Please,” Dream says again, and this time the words don’t tear. He speaks into Hob’s mouth, and the wet warmth of Hob’s lips and tongue soothe him where asking might start to chafe. “Hob, I need—”

“Do you need my cock, love?” Hob asks, rough low and rough and burning. “Feels empty, doesn’t it?” He slips his fingers free, and Dream whines. “I know. I know. You’re just starving for it, aren’t you?”

Starving, yes, Dream would like to take Hob in his mouth, but right now he’s feverish for something else. Hob is so close, every touch of his skin already has Dream singing, but he still wants more. He tangles his hand in Hob’s hair, wraps one leg around the back of Hob’s thighs to pull him closer, and Hob laughs, breathless.

“Fuck, Dream, you’re so—” Hob sounds spun around, now, and it’s gratifying to knock him askew in the way he’s done to Dream.

“Hob Gadling,” Dream says, putting the weight of sleeping desire into his voice, “I need you. I’m waiting.”

“Fucking hell,” Hob groans. “I’ve created something terrifying.” He doesn’t sound displeased about it. In fact, he kisses Dream again, lets Dream pull him close by the hair, smiling into his mouth. “Gonna make it so good for you, I promise.”

“I can plague your sleep with eternal nightmares if not,” Dream says, with no intention of doing so.

“See, I’m so confident in my ability to fuck you” —Dream's skin prickles at the word— “that I’m not even worried about it.”

He makes Dream lift up so he can push a pillow under his hips, takes Dream’s leg and maneuvers it over his shoulder, bending his body back. Dream shivers at the vulnerability of the position, the way he’s pinned. Hob kisses the bend of his knee with a little smile, and then Dream watches down the length of their bodies as Hob takes himself in hand. He’s so hard, glistening with pre at the tip, and Dream swallows jerkily.

“Alright, love?” Hob asks, meeting his eyes. He has always had the brightest, loveliest eyes. Dream holds his gaze and nods. He is not certain that he is, in fact, all right, he feels strange and spun about and immersed in the waking dream of Hob’s bed and Hob’s touch, but he does not want Hob to stop, he wants Hob to fuck him.

Hob presses into him, slowly, pausing when just the head of his cock is sheathed. And Dream— Dream was not prepared, Hob’s fingers did not prepare him for the all around pressure of Hob’s cock, the way it would fill him. It dances on the edge of pain, but he wants more. Already, more.

“More,” he finds himself saying, and Hob chuckles, bracing a hand around the back of Dream’s neck as he complies. This time, he pushes all the way in, not stopping until he bottoms out, groaning at the feeling. Dream clutches at his shoulders, no doubt leaving indents in his skin, body clenching convulsively as he gets used to the feeling of Hob in him.

Hob is inside him. Hob is inside him.

“Dream, you alright? You’re… breathing,” Hob says, petting through his hair. He sounds awed.

Breathing. He is breathing. And he hadn't commanded it so. Hadn't even meant it. Normally Dream forgets to affect such human mannerisms, even when it might be advisable to do so. But now he is breathing. Each one is choppy, three steps up three steps down, somewhere between a breath and a sob.

“I am fine,” he says, and Hob shushes him, kissing his cheek.

“I know you are. It’s alright to get a bit overwhelmed, yeah?” Hob is still in him, Dream can still feel every centimeter of him everywhere, but he doesn’t move. Simply lets Dream settle.

Dream tries to stop the wretched breathing, it makes him feel human and mortal and out of control, but he can’t, this temporary body affixed to this plane by Hob’s weight, his touch. Hob kisses his cheek again, nuzzles at his ear, and gradually Dream finds himself subsiding, relaxing in increments. It occurs to him, through the distant knowledge of the Dreaming, that this softness would not be characteristic of a temporary, experimental experience with a stranger, should Dream have simply wanted to know what it was like. It occurs to him through his own knowledge that this vulnerability he feels, this ability to ease him, is characteristic only of Hob.

He does not yet know what to do with that, but he turns to find Hob’s lips. Hob meets him easily, smiling into the kiss. “With me?” he asks, and Dream nods.

“Yes.”

Then Hob starts to move, slow measured thrusts at first. Dream breathes through each, and perhaps breathing is not so bad, after all, for it settles him, and settling lets him take Hob in, and he wants to take Hob in. It is so good, the slide of him sends sparks all along Dream’s limbs, builds inexorable and tantalizing heat through his body, none of his many dreams conveyed to him just how good it would be, when brought from dreams to reality. From memory to the body. More, even, than this is the sense of Hob’s body over him, the heat of him, and the strength, the breadth of his shoulders, the drag of Hob’s belly over Dream’s prick, the way he moves, expertly pushing Dream higher and oh-so-much faster with each thrust, tapping against that edge of pain-and-too-much without ever letting him fall over it.

Dream is starting to think that, in addition to his general experience, Hob has become quite an expert in knowing what Dream, specifically, might like.

“Good, darling?” Hob asks against his jaw, and Dream means to respond but all that comes out is a whine. He feels Hob’s smile against his skin. “More, then?”

Dream evidently doesn’t have to respond. Hob braces himself more firmly over him, and then he’s moving much faster, and then Dream really loses his senses. Hob bears down on him, levering Dream’s leg back further and deepening the angle, and each thrust hits before Dream has recovered from the last, and Hob’s mouth is on his throat, right over his pulse, which is also hammering—

Hob hits his prostate, and Dream keens as lightning arcs through him. Hob is talking to him now as he does it again and again, saying through panting breaths something like, you’re so good, does that feel good? is’at good for you? fuck you’re gorgeous, but Dream can’t parse much detail. He feels he should be participating more actively, but the wherewithal to do so has slipped away from him, all he can do is take what Hob is giving to him.

Probably that is what Hob wants. Perhaps he has fantasized over their long acquaintance about having Dream bent in just this position. Many might wish to have the Dream Lord at their mercy. Hob’s mercy, however, is a burst of pure heat straight to the soul.

“Hob,” he’s saying when he comes back to himself enough to notice, “Hob, Hob—”

“You’re beautiful like that,” Hob says, voice rough. “Dreamed of it— ha. You make the most beautiful noises.”

They are, in fact, wholly undignified noises, but Dream can’t seem to bring himself to stop; Hob punches each sound of pleasure out of him. He floats. Holds onto Hob’s shoulders. Presses his face to Hob’s and feels the scratch of his stubble. The rough calluses of his hands. The rhythm of Hob’s body is sublime. The kiss that he presses to the corner of Dream’s eye is more so. He is… crying there. Tears spilling over and down his cheeks. Dream has crafted the heights of euphoria within the Dreaming. But. Has any of it ever been as good as this?

He has Hob close to him, around him, in him, and still he wants more. Never again will Dream be able to disdain the office of Desire, not without looking away in shame at the lie.

His release washes over him in a wave that he doesn’t even notice until it peaks, so great is the rest of his pleasure. He gasps as he comes, not even needing Hob’s hand on him, tips his head back on the pillow, eyes squeezed shut, mouth open. Chest heaving. Hob slows, cups Dream’s cheek—until Dream urges him on with an ankle hooked around the back of his thigh, do not stop do not stop do not—

“Alright.” Hob nips at his lower lip in admonishment but he does start fucking him again, clearly chasing his own release now rather than pushing for Dream’s. That edge of pleasure-pain now tips closer to pain but Dream relishes in it. Each stuttered motion of Hob in him is blessed.

“I want,” he manages, throat dry, voice scraped rough from his cries, “to feel you come. In me.”

“Oh fuck,” Hob swears. “Dream.” And that apparently is enough. Hob’s hips stutter quick and he comes, hot spurts in Dream’s body, he can feel it. When Hob's tension eases, when his breath catches up to him, he moves to pull out—but Dream drags him back in. He wants— wants to keep Hob inside him, belly spine lungs throat, bring Hob in and in and hold him there, wants that warmth with him always. He could live like that, with Hob close to him.

Hob helps him lower his leg from his shoulder, stretch out sore muscles, and then lets Dream pull him in close, hold him there, in him, even as he’s going soft. He turns them on their sides, tucks his face in against Dream’s shoulder. Breathes the same air.

“So,” Hob says, after several, very long moments where they’ve been lying quietly together, tacky with sweat, Dream’s limbs all wrapped around Hob and Hob running his hands up and down his back, “how was that?”

“Mm?” Dream is still floating. It’s very pleasant.

He can feel Hob grinning against his shoulder. “You wanted to know what it was like to sleep with a man.”

What it was like. Dream is not certain he knows. He knows that Hob’s arms around him are strong, the touch of his skin pleasant even with the combined heat of their bodies. That he smells of sex and sweat and Dream wants to mire himself in it. He knows that, as Hob does finally, carefully pull out, he can feel Hob’s come dripping sticky over his thighs and rather than being discomforting, it only reminds him how he was wanted. His own come is smeared over Hob’s belly in disorganized lines, and Hob’s hair is ravaged by his fingers. There are still tears drying on Dream’s face. He knows that Hob has had him, now, and is still holding him. That the force of his lovemaking annihilated Dream’s dignity. That Hob wants to kiss him during sex. That at his prolonged silence, Hob looks up, finds his gaze, questioning.

“I am not certain that’s what I studied,” Dream admits. “Or. Learned.”

“Oh? What’d you learn, then?” Hob touches his cheek, as if even parted for a second, he wants to be close to Dream again. “Least tell me if you enjoyed it.”

“I did.” Dream must look ruined, and still Hob must confirm he enjoyed it? “What I learned is not what it is like to be with 'a man'. But rather.” He brushes his thumb over Hob’s lower lip, and Hob’s mouth opens at the movement. “What it is like. To be loved. By a very good friend.”

Hob’s expression crinkles into the softest smile at loved. “Oh, a very good friend, hm?”

“Very good,” Dream says. Presses his hand flat to Hob’s heart. “Uniquely so. Uniquely good to me among friends.” Not that Dream has… friends, plural. Better, then, that Hob is so singular. Singular enough to have nestled somewhere within him, between one meeting, one drink, one kiss and the next, and Dream would no longer be without him. His heart is surrounded by a hazy warmth much softer than the sharp pang of desire, and Hob's bed, Hob's touch, is soothing to him, a blanket he has finally pulled over his shoulders after trying to brave the lingering cold. Like so much this evening, it feels strange, and like so much this evening, it feels too good to shy away.

Hob leans in to kiss him, a soft drag of lips over his. “Good. Can I convince my friend to go in for a shower? Tea, maybe? Can I convince him to stay the night and keep exploring that friendship?”

Hob has taken care of him this evening, has not yet lead him astray, and so Dream lets him pull him out of bed and to his feet. In the shower, under the rushing hot water, Hob kisses him, kisses him, kisses him, rough, inelegant, consumed by feeling, hands curled around Dream’s hips. Dream will not make dreams out of this night, after all, he thinks. Selfishly, he wants to keep it to himself.

Peerless among friends, Hob Gadling, he thinks, as Hob makes him tea. As Hob tugs him back over the threshold, into the bedroom, into the mess they’ve made of the sheets. Peerless among friends.

Among lovers, too, perhaps.

[imnotyetfound]

My take on Five/Lila - and why they were endgame

I’ve seen so many people say that Five and Lila didn’t make any sense, and I just disagree. I've tried to really motivate why, and also why I see them as endgame. Feel free to agree or disagree.

First of all, Five and Lila share a common background of being raised plus trained as survivors and weapons. Five was molded by his time in the apocalypse, the Commission and his ruthless upbringing within the Hargreeves family, while Lila was similarly trained and manipulated by the Handler. Both of them were forced into brutal, high-stakes environments from a young age, developing a sense of independence, ruthlessness, and survival instincts that the rest of the family can’t fully relate to. We see this especially in Five and Lila’s difficulties in showing emotional vulnerability and trusting others. This shared experience means they both understand the cost of their traumatic upbringings and can relate to each other’s emotional scars in ways others just won’t be able to. So already by this, they’re somewhat bonded from the start.

In other similarities both Five and Lila possess extraordinary intelligence and tactical thinking. They challenge each other in a way no one else does. This has been an ongoing thing between them, bouncing off each other and sometimes teaming up. It’s also what drew them to work on another mission together in S4, there has always been some kind of pull/push there. Personality-wise both Five and Lila have a dark sense of humor and a cynical outlook on the world. But despite the cynicism, they still manage to eventually relax and find humor in each other’s company. The lighter moments we’ve seen between them at times have been an interesting contrast to their otherwise serious and violent lifestyles. 

I do believe their shared backgrounds and personalities created a bond that was then further strengthened during the years they spent lost in the subway together. Isolated from the rest of the world, they literally only had each other for company. The intimacy and trust that grew between them was inevitable. When you have no one else to rely on, you’re going to develop a relationship stronger than under normal circumstances. So over those years, they must have grown close in ways that no one else could fully understand. Even though we didn't get to see every detail of how it unfolded (because the season was way too short), it’s not difficult to imagine.

I’d also say they naturally grew a bond stronger than with any other character at that time, except for the one between mother and child which is why Lila’s need to be with her children would always make her go home if given the chance. Five knew this and it’s the reason he kept the solution from her for months. 

Now, to my thoughts about their actions in regards to Diego as this is often brought up. The argument that Lila cheated on her husband with Five is understandable from a moral perspective, if we see it as just that without any context. But when you consider the circumstances it is way more nuanced. You have to look at not only the environment they found themselves in, but also the emotional and psychological journey they went through together. Their relationship was ultimately forged over a shared background and then several years of isolation. Then you add to the fact that Diego seems to have treated Lila like crap in the years leading up to the isolation, she said it herself he was always moping around and complaining while she sacrificed her life to stay at home and take care of the kids. She even told him she needed a break to reassess their relationship. I do believe her and Five had somewhat already begun an emotional affair before the isolation, the way they were sneaking off together and clearly wanted to keep their thing separate from Diego and the others. Yet they still didn’t get physical until they settled down, believing they weren’t gonna find a way back.

Also, it’s important to here consider the strength of the bond, as I mentioned earlier, that Five and Lila must have developed over those years. They knew each other better than anyone else by the end. Spending every day together in a survival situation with nothing else around would likely create an unparalleled level of intimacy and emotional closeness. This bond would probably transcend Lila’s previous relationship with Diego, and maybe even Five’s bond with his siblings. It’s been years since he returned to them and they had all grown in separate directions. Lila and Five however had recently experienced something life-changing together, and it is unfair to dismiss the strength of their connection as something unethical or out of character when their reality had shifted so drastically from when the show started.

Another important point here is how the relationship with Lila allowed Five to finally be "human" and emotionally open in a way he hadn’t allowed himself to be before. Five was obviously emotionally detached as a result of both his past trauma and the burden of being a hyper-intelligent man in the body of a boy. With Lila, he had the chance to just feel love and trust without worrying about anything else. So I do think this outweighs his “betrayal” against his brother as people claim.

Now on to how and why Five and Lila were endgame. I’m convinced that Lila did love Five despite her choice to leave their isolation. To me this was cemented as she didn’t deny her feelings when Diego asked her straight out. If she wanted to make Diego feel better she could have easily denied her feelings for Five to reassure him. Yet even when asked twice she couldn’t do it. There was also Lila’s look of relief when Five returned to them at the end. It was Five who Lila allowed to comfort her after she said goodbye to her family, trusting him in her most vulnerable moment instead of blipping back to Diego and the others. These events showed the deep trust and emotional intimacy that still existed between them after returning to “the real world”. Despite her saying it was over. I also want to add here that Lila took Five’s hand as they were dying, the look between them was for me at least silently saying they loved each other. 

So all in all I do believe that the connection and love between Five and Lila was authentic. It also made sense. They’re able to understand each other’s emotional complexities, including their darker tendencies, without needing to change who they are. Still their time together seemed to actually have softened them both when they finally had the chance to settle down, almost as if they were healing from past trauma together. This would forge a relationship that no one else could replicate without going through the same experience. Making Five and Lila a reasonable endgame, which they also were in my eyes considering they died holding hands.

----------------------

Summary:  Five and Lila's shared background of trauma, matched intelligence, and similar personalities means they make sense. They shared a bond that was only further strengthened during their years of isolation. For 7 years they only had each other to rely on. This inevitably created an intimacy and relationship that couldn’t be compared to what they had had with anyone else. Outweighing what they did to Diego when you consider all context. Lila and Five ended up being human and vulnerable with each other on a level they hadn’t been with anyone else. Ultimately Lila’s refusal to deny her feelings for Five, her relief when he returned, him comforting her as she sent her family away and then finally them dying hand-in-hand, showed that they were endgame.

[qtubbo]

There has been some talk (mainly on twitter but some here) about calling Em, Tubbo’s daughter. It comes off as so cold, and anti what qsmp family have been teaching, if you don’t agree with that dynamic being there that’s perfectly fine (you are allowed opinions funfact). The reason though is always upsetting, stating that Empanada has enough parents, that she’s perfectly happy without him, that any outsiders to her established family would be an intruder trying to take her away. Qsmp’s family’s are a village, what’s so disturbing about someone non official becoming an eggs parent that didn’t “join” the family.

Using Bad and Pomme as an example, Pomme has 4 other parents (in this case I guess it would be bad taking pomme from the french) that take good care of her. When Bad considers Pomme his daughter, it’s out of love, just because he wasn’t assigned doesn’t mean he can’t have parental love for her. Pomme would be fine without Bad being her dad, but Bad being her dad doesn’t Affect her negatively at all. Pomme still choses to wake up for her other parents, bad doesn’t have priority, and it’s ridiculous to assume that he took her from them. Pomme and Bad are not related by a family tree, they just love each other like father and daughter and so they became that.

It’s a bigger statement of the fandom as a whole and how we really push for familial ties forged by blood even in an adoption setting. For example no one had issue with the idea of Roier being Richas’s dad instead of his uncle because he had forged a literal connection to Cellbit. In the same vein people often depict Cellbit as Bobby’s dad in another life even though he never really got to take care of him. These were never considered taking Richas or Bobby from their parents because there was a marriage, Roier joined Cellbit’s family. The most I ever see going against this dynamic is people arguing Cellbit isn’t Jaiden’s family, which inherently pushes the point once again.

We are given examples of non traditional family relationships where everything is done by adoption and there is barely any blood relationships. Though as a fandom we still try to push things into a traditional box. Fit and Tubbo are not related, nor is Fit to any of Sunny’s parents, yet he still calls her his child. They love each other like father and daughter, so why should it be any different why should Fit be blocked from that because he’s not married to any of Sunny’s parents.

Why is seeing a familial relationship more similar to father and daughter between Empanada and Tubbo an issue. If you believe they love each other like that, shouldn’t that be enough. Why must we consider love like that to be certified, that anyone else getting involved is an invader that is just getting in the way of the old parents.

Every single egg was adopted none have parents that would be considered traditional, but yet we still push for the perfect traditional nuclear family were there is no village, there is no family outside the one given, and believing in anything else is disgusting.

[arliedraws]

Ok so I need your opinion on the "Sirius black was always different and was abused from the very beggining" thing because after thinking about the canon Sirius and Walburga it made me think that Sirius probably used to be Walburga's biggest pride and joy because he was a perfect son in her eyes but their relationship started getting worse after he miraculously became a Gryff.

It just fits, you know? Regulus always sounded like a quiet child, someone often overlooked while Sirius is loud, opinionated and hard to control. And Walburga sounds exactly the same.

There is no way she wouldn't love a child that is her copy, someone she saw as the perfect future heir. Because he //was// perfect.

But then he became a Gryff and mayby she still believed things would stay the same but then Sirius came home for the holidays and he was- different. Yeah, he was still loud and proud but he started asking questions that neither Walburga nor Orion liked. They humanized mudbloods!

After that I think the relationship just became more and more toxic until Sirius couldn't stay anymore in the house he used to love, with people he used to (and mayby still) love.

Mayby that's why Walburga hated her oldest so much even as a portrait. Sirius was supposed to be //the best//, he was supposed to be //perfect//. And yet here he is, broken and a shell of his perfect little boy, used, chewed up and discarded when he was no longer needed

What do you think?

First off, I’m going to be really careful about how we define abuse here. I agree to a certain extent, but I think we need to consider that what we know to be emotional and physical neglect/abuse today is very different from 1960s-1970s child-rearing. The Blacks were an exceptionally traditional magical family, and their behaviors towards their children would have reflected this.

I think Mrs. Black loved Sirius more than Regulus, and I imagine her expectations for Sirius were much higher. “Sit up straight, do this, do that, don’t do that,” etc. Critiquing, nitpicking, criticizing. Today, I doubt we would tolerate this sort of behavior from a parent, but I think this would have been very normal in their society. After all, you show your child how much you love them by turning them into the very best version of them, right? Right???

Regulus was a jealous, sycophantic little slug. I think he would have tried to get Sirius in trouble whenever he could, but no one likes a snitch, particularly not Mrs. Black. But it’s easy to pit siblings against each other, and Mrs. Black would have used this to her advantage: “Oh, Sirius, look how refined your brother is. Do you see him speaking out of turn? Do you see how he obeys his mother?”

I also headcanon that Mrs. Black used magic to teach lessons. In a fic, I have Sirius relate an anecdote from childhood where he repeatedly talks out of turn and Mrs. Black uses a Silencing charm on him to shut him up for a few days—a gentle punishment in her eyes and a vital life lesson, but really traumatizing for a child. Again, this is abuse, and perhaps other traditional families would see it as extreme, but I don’t think anyone would express concern or find it particularly troubling. (James would be horrified, though, of course.)

As Sirius drifts further and further away from his family, however, Mrs. Black becomes increasingly desperate to keep her son in line. They eventually dissolve into constant fighting until Sirius can’t take it anymore and runs away (or this scenario).

A lot of folks think that pain and hatred is the foundation of abuse, but really, it’s often love. Growing up in an environment where you are never good enough, where your parents are constantly criticizing who you are and how to improve is an incredibly damaging and traumatizing way to grow up. Imagine being told that you are better than everyone else but you are still not good enough. Your everyday actions—speaking, eating, just sitting there—could be something you’re doing wrong. Imagine just trying to fucking eat and your mother barks at you that you’re holding your knife and fork wrong. Or that the order in which you’re eating is wrong. Or that you’re making too much eye contact or not enough or that you can’t speak until an adult addresses you. Not because she hates you, but because she loves you.

Anyway, is it abuse? Yeah. Would Sirius have considered it abuse? I’m not so sure, but I’m not sure he would recognize it as love (why would he?). However, Mrs. Black definitely saw her parenting as love, and she would see him running away as taking her love and throwing it all away for nothing. Let’s be honest, I think she always hoped Sirius would come back to her, and it drove her mad that he never did.

Oh, and yeah, Sirius definitely loved his family. He was constantly rejected and belittled, and I think he hated himself for wanting their approval deep down (even though he would NEVER admit it and never do anything to get it). This is what can be so hard for children who come from emotionally abusive families—at some point, it’s still your mom, and you want her to love you, but you fucking hate that you want it.

[justxtalking]

the shooting star

I'm sure this observation was pointed out before, but I can't find it anywhere to quote it. Original post, you take all the credit. I just needed to express my thoughts because I can't stop thinking about it.

I feel like it's been a hot minute since the last time I've made one of these, but here I go.

the scenes

In chapter 64, Gon and Killua promise to stay together under the stars and they have a heart-to-heart. When the scene ends, we see a shooting star in the sky.

English Translation: VIZ Media

In chapter 286, Killua talks about commiting "shinjū" with Gon (translated as "I'll go down with flames with him") to Meleoron, tries to make it seem like a joke and Meleoron's inner monologue makes us understand there's more to the story than what Killua is saying out loud. When the scene ends, we again see a shooting star in the sky (and move to Gon and Pitou's scene.)

English Translation: VIZ Media

side-note

Do I really think that this detail has a bigger meaning than it has? No, Togashi most probably just likes shooting stars and thought this was a good transition between scenes. However, I think it would make a nice analysis if I connect the concept of the shooting star with certain aspects that are present in both scenes and the story in general. I just couldn't help myself, I find it so interesting and beautiful.

my brief and informal analysis

To begin with, what does it mean to see a shooting star? There's three popular and mostly global beliefs I would like to point out.

1) Wishes: Shooting stars have always been associated with dreams, wishes and promises. Many believe that if you make a wish on the shooting star, it will come true.

2) Positive Change: They are typically considered to be signs or messages from the Universe. They tend to symbolize new beginnings, transformations, and spiritual development.

In relation to these two, I believe it would be also connected to the meaning of encouragement. It can serve as encouragement to take risks or make important life decisions.

3) A Sign of Love: Seeing a shooting star can represent the love and connection between two people.

Then, which of these meanings are actually related to these scenes? The three of them, but let me explain a bit more.

In the first scene, Gon and Killua promise to stay together and continue their journey. As shooting stars are often associated with wishes or promises, in this context, it could symbolize the sincerity and earnestness of their promise to each other. By including the shooting star at the end of the scene, it seals their promise and it also marks a new beginning for them. At that moment, they are making an important decision in their lives, it's a new and positive change for them.

For the next meaning, I would like to point out first what scenes with two people under the stars at night usually mean. As we probably know, those type of scenes are ideal for characters to share their feelings and even secrets. The darkness and the soft lighting of the stars allow this space of intimacy to just talk to someone, which is what Gon and Killua do. They are already friends, but it's at that moment that they talk about what they are going to do and speak about topics such as Mito. The shooting star marks a significant bond between Gon and Killua. It represents their connection and love (platonic or not) for each other, as shooting stars can also symbolize a new love. This is related to the hope we have when seeing a shooting star, which is connected to that hope (and excitement) we feel when we start a new relationship. Using the shooting star could work as a narrative device to highlight the importance of this moment and the bond between Gon and Killua.

In the second scene, Killua discusses the possibility of a double suicide if something were to happen. Again, the shooting star appears at the end before transitioning to the next scene.

As I said before, shooting stars commonly symbolize wishes and promises. In this context, it could symbolize Killua's inner turmoil and/or even his determination to protect Gon (and be with him), possibly hinting at a resolution or decision he has made internally. Because of his words, we can guess he made the decision to die with Gon if that's what is needed. What he says can even foreshadow significant events or intense emotions, such as the ones that follow in the story. For example, Killua running to reach Gon and save him. It could even be related to other characters, such as Meruem and Komugi committing double suicide.

Killua's statement about a double suicide is a serious and intense moment, and the shooting star might emphasize the gravity of the situation. In this case, I wouldn't say this is a "positive change," though we could argue that for Killua maybe it would have been because Gon would have included him.

However, it is a moment in which Killua makes a big decision, one that would take to risk practically his life just to stay with Gon or protect him.

In addition to this, it could also bring us back to the first scene, in which they promise to stay together, symbolizing their strong bond. This is emphasized by the fact that the next scene is about Gon and Pitou. However, in this case, both Gon and Killua seem to be in different head-spaces. On one hand, Killua is worried he could lose Gon to the darkness, as he feels their bond is wavering and he can't reach him no matter how much he tries. On the other hand, Gon is too focused on his goal to save Kite. He is in too much pain and despair while trying to control the situation on his own terms.

In both instances, the shooting stars seem to add a layer of emotional depth and narrative emphasis to the scenes. They highlight the sincerity of promises, the intensity of emotions, and the transient nature of crucial moments in Gon and Killua's lives.

side-note

Something that adds to my delusional mind to all of these and I think it's really interesting is the following:

The fourth ending Nagareboshi Kirari seems to mean "sparkling shooting star". The song is an exploration of longing and hope, entrusting wishes to the stars, unanswered thoughts and unspoken feelings. It delves into the theme of connection, particularly the emotional bond between the narrator and a distant loved one. There's a lot to say about this song and its lyrics, but that should be a whole new post.

I think the song speaks perfectly about Gon and Killua's situation in general (not only about what I mention here, of course) and I think it's a good way to finish this post.

Thank you so much for reading! Have a good day or night, whichever the time is when you're seeing this.

[kitorin]

boyfriend headcanons ! itoshi rin

contents. how you met, how you got to know each other, when he realized he liked you, how you started dating, dates, all fluff

warning. rin backstory spoilers, i can't write kiss scenes either, written with all lowercase intended, it's word vomit bc school has screwed me up mentally and i can't think properly atp lmao

a/n. reo, rensuke and yoichi ver coming soon, was supposed to be all four of them but tumblr didn't save some stuff so i lost motivation and i probably wrote too much for rin anyways

how you met

you were invited to hang out with a group of friends, but ended up hating it since you were basically invisible, since everyone else were talking about a common interest you didn't have

you ended up walking away, finding somewhere actually interesting, and found a muji store (minimalist retailer that sells a lot of household items and more), and had your own fun, looking through stationary, skin care, nice clothes, and more.

you were having a great time until you heard someone from the hangout looking for you and calling

rin who notices your panic right next to him, questions what's wrong (not necessarily out of concern, honestly probably because he may have found it slightly irritating)

after you explain your situation briefly, he nods and finds you somewhere to hide, and goes to deal with your friend

he's got perfect control over his facial expressions, he'd easily lie and even if your friend was persistent, he'd still scare him away

"haven't seen them in here, they left a while ago and you better stop yelling,"

"are you sure-?"

"yes. now piss off and stop disturbing everyone here,"

once he's sure your friend's gone, he goes back to where he instructed you to hide, giving you the clear

"i hope that lukewarm asshole wasn't your ex."

you're slightly amused at the word 'lukewarm' it wasn't a typical description you'd hear often. "nope, i'd never date him. thank you so much though. i really appreciate it, please let me do a favor for you"

before he can object, you grab a sample pen, scrawling your number on his hand, "send me a text and i'll do my best to help you with anything okay?" you send him a smile as his eyes widen in shock, "bye kind stranger, have a great day," and before he could respond, you were gone, rushing out the store out of embarrassment for not being able to slip away from your friend uncaught.

how he got to know you

[unknown number] : i really don't need a favor you know?

i hated that idiot anyways, loud and annoying

[you] : don't careeee, i want to make it up to you somehow, please?

i'm y/n, you?

[unknown number] : rin, itoshi rin

after he gave in to your offer, you ended up tutoring him, he didn't care about grades but his high school had a rule of requiring a certain standard of grades to compete in tournaments

turns out he wasn't even a bad student, he's diligent and consistent, he only needed a little bit of guidance and advice, with math being the exception

in between sessions, during breaks and outside of your tuition you'd talk a lot, considering how rin has no friends ("neither do you, your toxic ass friends shouldn't count" he replies when you realize it) and you're patient enough to deal with his personality

even after he has his grades up you still hangout with each other, watching horror movies, playing horror games, reading horror novels / comics (you introduced him to junji ito), and he'd even teach you some soccer when you visit his training. he also tries out all your hobbies and favourite things to do and eat

you two spend so much time together, simply because one has no other friends and the other has no healthy friendships

how he knew he liked you

BRO WAS IN DENIAL. FOR. SO. FUCKING. LONG.

he thought he had a health problem or fever when he felt his face getting hot, or that odd sensation in his stomach, or his heart relentlessly pounding against his chest

he tries to research it, doesn't believe it when he sees all those love related posts, so he literally goes to a doctor

his doctor probably almost instantly realized, and had to deal with rin's denial

"you experience these 'symptoms' with a certain someone, don't you?" the doctor doesn't even bother with noting down anything, he's 100% sure and knows it's perfectly in character for rin to do something like this

"that's not possible- that doesn't make se-," he pauses, and recalls that he only felt that way when it came to you, "... yes," he's sort of bashful, slightly embarrassed but quickly composes himself again. 'i apologise for doubting you, please continue,"

"no worries," with a grin, his doctor prepared leave and meet his next patient, "i diagnose you with love sickness,"

when i tell you, this man fucking asked him what meds to take and what to do as self treatment

his poor doctor mentally face palmed himself, sat himself back down and had a (long) talk with this emotionally repressed boy

rin still insists it's something medically wrong, but he's soon shoo-ed out of the office, while hastily being told to make sure he's honest with his feelings, otherwise it never goes right

back at home, he's lying in bed, revising what his doctor said

"rin you need to learn how to acknowledge your emotions. i understand they're confusing and i'm not a therapist, but you can't keep denying it. it's just as unhealthy to neglect your emotions as it is to ignore an injury,"

...

denial huh?

he thinks of you and his heart once again can't calm down, his face burns and his stomach is doing somersaults. he buries his face in his palm, groaning. he hated anything unfamiliar, anything that he couldn't navigate with confidence, or fully comprehend.

"do you really despise it? or do you refuse to acknowledge your feelings because you've never experienced something like this,"

his doctor's advice comes back to him, and he thinks.

if he truly loathed how you made him feel, why is he still hanging out with you, why is he still investing his time into you, why do you make him so damn happy?

he passed out eventually completely lost in thought

how you ended up dating

some time passes and you finally have the courage to confess to him only to receive a cold "i don't feel the same way," a complete lie

accepting his emotions was one thing, accepting a relationship is another. he could immediately feel regret clawing at his stomach, he wanted to tell you. badly, how much he likes you, your patience, intelligence, your kindness, literally everything

yet nothing comes out. only his stoic and stupid facade's character

you walk away after mumbling out an apology for making things awkward, and rin's left there standing, finger nails digging crescents of frustration into his palm

he's overwhelmed with his thoughts, some insisting for him to give up and accept that he fucked up, others demanding him to move and fix things

what would be worse than losing you, anyways?

and that last thought was the final push, he's basically sprinting towards you, soon his arms are wrapped around you, releasing a gasp of surprise from you.

"ri-?"

"i lied," rin blurts, internally screaming at himself to just say it, "i lied, i know i shouldn't have and i'm sorry. but i like you too much, i can't express or understand my feelings, i don't know anything about relationships or love either, and i wanted to hide how i felt so i wouldn't get hurt,"

"rin-," he doesn't let you finish, ignoring your whisper.

"but i don't care, i like you so much that i'm willing to risk hurting myself, anything's worth it if i can be with you, spend time with you, and love you. if it's for you i'd overcome all my fears of love. i can't afford love, but if it's for you i don't care anymore,"

"you're perfect, you always have been," he concludes his speech, almost breathless from how rushed it was. scarlet was dusted all over his face, teal eyes wide open.

that fact rin, someone who's never been good at communication, went this far to express how he feels for you, warms your heart even more.

"rin?"

"yes?"

"may i kiss you?"

somehow, he blushes even more, and as he nods your lips press together.

dates + other headcanons

MOVIE NIGHTS !! not at cinemas though since he prefers the comfort and privacy of his room, and doesn't like how loud or dirty cinemas can get

doesn't want to force you into anything too scary, but he secretly enjoys it when you end up clinging onto him

since he struggles with articulating his emotions, he likes using playlists and songs to (die for you - weeknd, shinunoga iiwa - fujii kaze, love, maybe - melomance, sweet - cigarettes after sex, COME INSIDE OF MY HEART - IV SPADES SUITS HIM SO WELL)

he's not a fan of pda, yet he wants to show you off to everyone he knows

if you genuinely like soccer and have an interest in it (obviously doesn't want to force you to watch 90 minutes of a sport you don't like) he'd watch his favourite games with you, even books tickets for the both of you if there are any good teams competing nearby

also takes great interest in your sports !! reads a lot about them so he can discuss them with you, and if you also compete in sports he puts together a training routine for you and asks to go to the gym together (say yes dumbass)

SURFINGGGG !! since he grew up in kamakura, he loves the beach and went to swim and surf a lot as a kid and would love to do it again with you, even if he hasn't done it in ten years (same rin, same). same with hiking too (kamakura's also famous for it as well)

visits the store with you where he always bought ice blocks with sae, the same lady who worked there when sae and rin still got around is still there, congratulates him for getting a partner, is proud of him

he's a great listener too, he prefers it over speaking a lot and you can talk to him about anything, whether you're talking shit about someone (he'd join in and start swearing) and or you're hyperfixating on your interests

whenever he gets a question related to his love life he takes a moment to blush when he thinks of you, pauses to compose himself (keeps you a secret for your privacy from the media), then says with a straight face that soccer is a priority, but everyone knows he's lying

©kouyun : do not repost, plagiarize, change, or translate

[chqolan]

general ed headcanons

A/N: i thought it'd be nice to just share some ed headcanons that i think about quite often for some odd reason

TW: hmm nothing really ! maybe some typos cus i didn’t proof read anything , yolooo

starting this off with a banger; ed can’t drive.

but it’s not his fault! when he thinks about it, he’s never had a reason to drive. being raised by balrog would mean that he also benefited from the boxer’s wealth.

and of course, balrog would always have both him and ed in fancy cars or limos getting transported wherever they wanted.

even though he’s older and more dependant on himself, ed settles on using public transportation to make his way around town.

he’d never admit to anybody how often he used to get lost on the subway when first getting used to travelling on his own though…

this might be expected, but ed also has pretty bad eating habits. if he’s not accidentally starving himself (busy with travelling, working, lack of appetite, etc), he’s treating himself to a bunch of sweets and snacks.

it’s canon/confirmed that ed hates vegetables and loves sweets, so expect him to just be snacking on things like chocolate mint ice cream, licorice (both are his confirmed favourites !), candies, pastries etc.

since ed was in balrog’s care growing up, i doubt that he knew much of his own german heritage. it’s believable that he was quite out of touch with german culture until meeting falke.

since meeting his older sister figure, he’s learned to speak/understand quite a bit of german and enjoy german food ! (which isn’t really much a headcanon considering this is confirmed and very much canon)

falke definitely made him use duolingo to help teach him german, and ed can confirm that he despises the look of the duolingo bird. something about the way it looks… it rubs him the wrong way.

ed isn’t very into social media, but he has an account created on most platforms. he’s a huge lurker online too.

his accounts are somewhat anonymous and he’ll never have pictures of himself posted anywhere.

all his accounts are private with 6-10 followers who are just his neo shadaloo friends, balrog and probably you/world tour avatar.

on some occasions he’ll post pictures of snacks or meals that he’s eating, but even then it’s still not much.

however, he does follow a handful of accounts that post things he’s into. and due to that he’s adjusted his algorithm on all apps to show content related to boxing, pool/billiards, baking and pastry videos etc !

ed is a hot head and he can’t stop himself from arguing in comment sections—he always has to speak his mind.

even if he’s not arguing with people, he’ll sometimes leave small comments under certain things he’s fond of.

there’s a video of a candy shop tour? he’ll watch the whole thing in awe and comment something simple like “i gotta visit here some day”.

ed most likely has a small 1 bedroom apartment in metro city. it’s not the cleanest home, but at least he finds it comfortable.

he has charts scattered with pins, messy handwriting, photographs and more that helps him keep track of the shadaloo bases that he and his team find while saving other test subjects.

he’s only really home when it’s time to sleep.

in public spaces, ed prefers to keep to himself unless somebody is actively trying to get his attention.

since ed is always on the subway, he makes sure to be ready with lots of games to play on his phone. it’s no shocker that he’s a fan of pool games! it’ll keep him occupied no matter how long his train rides are.

adding a small bonus since it’s father’s day while i’m writing this…

ed totally celebrates with balrog every year on this occasion. knowing both of them, they probably think it’s too sappy to consider it as them celebrating father’s day.

but deep down they’re both aware of it and they’re grateful for each other ! truly the best father-son duo !

[antimisinfo]

as someone who has maladaptive daydreaming disorder this pisses me off so FUCKING BAD. im too shakey to type much less read this fully but oh my fucking god. oh my god. what the FUCK. how fucking DARE this person take MY DISORDER and twist it to conform to their DISGUSTING ABLEIST BELIEFS?? im reFUCKINGvolted

https://www.tumblr.com/alyssasmaddworld/741046067507904512/theres-this-level-of-dissociation-that-goes-hand?source=share

i- this post is a lot, but i'll try deconstruct each point here.. i'll be focusing on points that i can debate here / can disprove or try to disprove here because otherwise this will be a really long post,, longer than it already is. also i'll be referring to maladaptive daydreaming as MD for simplicity's sake. if i get any information on MD wrong please let me know as i do not have this disorder(?) nor do i know much about it outside of the research done for this post.

the source linked here does say that it is a dissociative disorder and it does say that it might not be caused purely by trauma " Although trauma may be one causal factor, we indicate several other etiological pathways to the development of MD. We discuss associations with related concepts and suggest directions for future research " so there isn't much for me to say here other than the part about plurality, but we'll go more into depth on that below.

this.. the source they used is pluralpedia.. which used the source of a tumblr blog.. so lets get into this. the first source also mentions maladaptive characters / MD characters but it also says that it is not like DID " We discuss and exemplify with clinical vignettes the shared phenomenological characteristics between MD and dissociative phenomena, such as double consciousness, vivid visual imagery, and the creation of internally narrated characters. MD characters can be experienced as somewhat independently-agentic, although unlike dissociative identity disorder (DID), they typically do not take control over the daydreamer’s behavior "

so lets look into MD characters, shall we? the only source i can find on MD characters ((other than the one they linked / tumblr posts)) consider them more of a form/type of daydreaming (experiencing the daydream as yourself or as a character, daydreaming about a character, ect). these characters are not at all similar to alters and the "closest" i found was the foreign character

" For those who heavily engage in maladaptive daydreaming, they often will begin to develop "The Foreign Character" type of maladaptive daydreaming. In this type, you daydream about a central character who you believe is yourself, but who is fundamentally different in almost all respects. " — maladaptivedaydreaming.org

however these are not at all similar to alters which are

"  two or more separate identities called “alters.” They control your behavior at various times. Each alter has its own personal history, traits, likes, and dislikes " — WebMD

the same source on foreign characters also states that " The reality is that for most people, they engage in these kinds of daydreams because they want to daydream about things entirely devoid from themselves and their real world experience. They don't want to daydream about themselves being a doctor or being better looking (to use the prior examples I used), but instead they want to dream about themselves being entirely different people so they can escape from who they really are. ". other than that source there is very little evidence on these characters being separate identities, even then it's important to keep in mind that it is not the same as having a split identity as it only appears during daydreams i would assume and would not be able to control you, how you think, how you behave, ect. ((which the first source literally said,, do endos even read their sources??)) i would also like to add that if these characters feel real and you believe all your daydreams to be real then it might actually be a delusion. there's nothing wrong with having delusions but it is also important to recognise that it's not real and that it does not at all compare to being a system.

the first source they used to claim that having MD is the same as being plural is a pro endo source, it defines being plural as " The most simplified definition of the term plural that includes all people who take the label is “someone who shares the same physical body with other individuals.”  Such a group is sometimes referred to as a system, though many plural groups use different terminology. " which,, again having daydreams are is not the same as having separate identities, so really this source means nothing.. and the second source is.. just insane really. its a study done on the experiences of those with multiple identities. they did two things, one was an online survey that had 200-300 results and then 6 interviews.. which is definitely not enough evidence, since they cannot know if people are lying on those online surveys and 6 people are not enough to make it a reliable source. but lets focus on the part they pointed out, which was:

" Empirical measurement of multiplicity is sparse. The first inventory published in the field was the Plural Self Scale (Altrocchi, 1999), which assesses the structure of the personality. High scores indicate that thoughts and feelings are different through time and situations. The other inventory to assess multiplicity was developed by Carter (2008) and consists of 20 items, such as “Does your handwriting change noticeably at different times?” or “Do you swing suddenly from one mood to another for no apparent reason?.” However, these scales measure the integrity of the self and rely on the assumption that there is a “you” or “I” who is able to self-reflect. Individuals who consider themselves multiple refer to themselves as a group of selves (“we”). Thus, questionnaires that assess the extent of self-integration fail to assess the experience of individuals who claim to have multiple selves who all have different thoughts, feelings, motivations, and levels of complexity. " which-- just isn't much of a criteria other than the questions, of which are "does your handwriting change at different times" and " do you swing from one mood to another with no apparent reason", but it literally says this fails to asses those who claim to be plural-- so i don't see what their point was here really. it just seems like they're saying words for the sake of saying words.

i don't think this person realises what closed culture is.. tulpulmacy is not a form of being plural nor should it be considered that, thoughtforms are usually used purely for meditation or for your spiritual journey, not for fun,, unlike "tupla systems" which are often not even Buddhists, which is the main issue. a closed practise, which is what tulpulmacy is, is a "practice in which you can only take part in their craft if you were specifically born into the practice, or went through an initiation process.". while i'm not 100% sure what exactly they mean with the last part there isn't much for me to say here other than the fact that tulpulmacy is not the same as being plural and we did have a former Buddhist actually talk to us about this here! and while it isn't exactly sourced i feel its still an important read.

i believe they're speaking about the word plural here,, which wasn't made by endos?? the word plural just refers to more then one. unless they mean traumagenic?? which then confuses me because their source doesn't really mention it--

culture is dynamic yes, but some cultures are closed and it's important to understand that-- just because the culture is shifting doesn't mean you can steal closed practises.

"endogenic sphere" makes me shiver but okay, lets talk about this too. there isn't a lot of research on MD, so i cannot say what the direct cause is. "Experts don’t know exactly why maladaptive daydreaming happens. However, they suspect it happens because maladaptive daydreaming can be a coping mechanism for problems like anxiety, depression and other mental health conditions."

no?? what?? as i said above, many times, having MD is not the same as having DID / being a system and also the image only refers to feeling disconnected from the body and sense of identity which is pretty common with dissociation and doesn't exactly prove anything related to endogenic systems..

i- ?? i mean as i said before we don't know what exactly causes MD but i don't believe people chose to do this?? not really??

" maladaptive daydreaming is often compulsive, which means a person feels like they need to do it. Because the need to daydream is similar to an addiction, daydreaming more often can make it a strong habit, so it’s very hard to stop doing it. That’s why seeking mental healthcare for it sooner rather than later is important. "

but all being said, its not a vaild form of plurality because its nothing like having separate identities?? sure when daydreaming you might identify as a different person but you're still you. your overall identity is intact and i'm pretty sure most people with MD do not think their daydreams are real, i believe that would be a delusion instead of a daydream-- and an important separation is these characters would only show up in daydreams i assume, while alters are always there, infact in DID you yourself is an alter but in MD one of you is a person and the other is a character created through daydreams,, which is not comparable to genuine parts / alters. ((also please do not harass the person who made the original post, our post / response is purely meant to educate and correct misinformation and we do not intend for people to go to the op's blog and send them things))

[laufire]

would you mind expanding more on what you dislike about the gotham knights social services arc? i've always been a fan of the way it depicts jason! robin, and how bruce, alfred, dick, and tim each speak about him in the interviews. even if the way the arc depicts social services as antagonistic and ultimately concludes in "bruce has no culpability for jason's death" is a little objectionable. i'd be curious to hear your thoughts.

honestly, I remember the arc crossing victim blaming jason & trying to portray him as someone the audience might find unsympathetic territory for my taste (joke's on them, he's never done anything wrong, etc. etc.).

I don't mind how it portrays social services in gotham at large: they're a corrupt bunch willing to look the other way when it comes to a rich guy's possible mistreatement of kids in his care; one (1) person tries to actually do something about a dubious situation but ultimately decides he can't or won't go against bruce, following the corrupt institution's mandates instead. it does piss me off that there's absolutely no self-awareness about how maaaaaaybe. mr bruce batman wayne. whose purported goal is to end the crime and corruption in the city. is instead fully taking advantage of it here, in order to COVER UP HIS SON'S MURDER. like. jfc. there's NO acknowledgment in the comics that bruce didn't just ~not avenge~~ jason, he effectively robbed him of any possible justice for his death.

but what I hate most about it is this (second image). the whole "you hold no responsibility for jason's death because you were not his father, but also if you were his father it's fine, you still did right by him" of it all.

it pisses me off so fucking much!! first of all, this version of barbara is ADOPTED, AT ROUGHLY THE AGE JASON WAS WHEN HE DIED. so. ??? am I supposed to take this as an attempt to erase the adoption? I would make a joke about bruce friendzoning his son but man, it's so shitty that they do this lol.

like, we can either take the run at face value, and think, okay. jason was a troubled kid with violence issues due to his shitty upbringing. he was not what he was portrayed as in his original robin tenure, which was yes, a troubled teen, but also an extremely compasionate one who wanted to do good, who protected victims because he strongly empathised with them, and who was actually good at the whole robin thing, often being of invaluable help to bruce. no, instead let's believe he was everything robin SHOULDN'T be, that he should've NEVER been made robin, if only for his own sake, and definitely for other people's. and oh, bruce didn't even consider him a son. he was just Some Kid he tried to "reform" but always saw as a delinquent, as a project.

in which world doesn't this make bruce worse?

my personal take is that this is how bruce, barbara, alfred & co cope with jason's death, and this is a take I do see often. but it's a take that the narrative never challenges. never. not here, not when jason returns. it goes uncriticised, unacknowledged as a falsehood. and when jason is alive his character can speak for himself and does, but when he was dead he was just that. dead, gone. no part of the narrative was on his side.

this is related to why I immediately will stop taking you seriously if you claim jason was a better character when he was dead lol. when he "haunted" the narrative. he didn't haunt shit, it was all like this! what people mean by saying this is that they're uncomfortable with how jason's return completely fucks up the ~batfamily status quo and they can't be comfortable with it anymore. jason keeps pocking holes at it.

[jyeshindra]

Planetary Significations |||

Heya folks! For this series we'll be diving into each planet and simplifying to one word.

From there, we'll expand and explore all the different expressions of the planet according to the keyword. I'll provide a list of other significations as well.

VENUS - Beauty

Significations:

Beauty

Values/Self-Esteem

Money

Devotion

Relationships

Art/Creativity

Pleasure

Personal Attraction

Sexuality

Magnetism

Aesthetics

Love, Love Language

Now let's explore how beauty connects to all of these significations.

First, we beg the question. What is beauty? Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Therein implies the value aspect of Venus and how our experience of beauty is subjective**. We determine something’s value by measuring how much it pleases us.

Which connects to the pleasure aspect of Venus. Beauty is pleasing. It makes us feel good. So Venus represents what pleases us.

What we deem beautiful usually has an aesthetic value. So Venus is about aesthetics; how information is arranged in ways that please the eye. We see how Venus can connect to our personal style or how we clothe ourselves.

We also consider art beautiful, material things are beautiful, so Venus can concerns the realms of beauty in relation to creativity and art.

What we deem beautiful, we spend our money on. We devote our resources to it. There’s the financial aspect of Venus.

This theme of value can stretch in many different ways then. What is beautiful has value, so are we beautiful? Do we see our own value? Most importantly, how do we cultivate sustainable "beauty"? It's through our self-esteem and our values. These cultivate our intrinsic worth. One of the most important lessons of Venus is this.

Moving on, what we deem beautiful, we also tend to devote ourselves to and worship. Think of men raptured by the divine feminine or how our society treats beautiful people! The question Venus asks is how do we serve and please that which we find beautiful? What we find beautiful we often develop an attraction towards or love for. Another theme emerges there: how do we love? How do we show our love and our devotion? Here is the relationship/love language aspect of Venus.

Beauty also implies attraction. So Venus is about what and who we are attracted to, who we are attracted to, and who/what we attract towards us!

If we stop at the superficial aspects of Venus, we lose the lessons, of which I believe there are mainly two.

Pleasure is a pathway into the body, and the body is the soul. Sex, food, art, wine, all of these pleasurable items is a means of connection. This is not a sign to over-indulge or resist temptation but to be conscious. Our sense of material pleasure/satisfaction is what can ground us and connect us to others! Just do not abuse it!

Interrogate the true meaning of beauty. As a natal Venus rx, this has been a life theme for me. It sits on my 12th House, a place I believe strips native planets of their superficial qualities to reveal the gems underneath. This has been what I've gleaned from my experiences. Beauty is both the superficial and the intrinsic. It's the fancy cars and those integral values. They mirror each other. Build that inner worth and your outer reality will begin to reflect beauty and wealth back to you. Beauty allows us to love intentionally which then connects us to the world in an even deeper way. We are all love.

That's all folks! This is how I simplify astrology so that it is easier for me to understand. If you made it all the way here, I thank you for reading! Until the next one.

-Jyeshindra

[merbear25]

Anxiety is talked about fairly often, but some don't know how to handle a s/o or friend who struggles with it. That being said, those who care about you are willing to learn!

Monster trio, Robin, Chopper, Franky, Brook, Law

CW: SFW, headcanons, mentions of general and social anxiety. Zoro's and Law's parts don't start out that comforting. There can be different things that can trigger it (sometimes nothing necessarily triggers it!) so this is kept more broad. It's kind of a specific headcanon, but it's something I personally struggle with and maybe others can relate.

Luffy: It takes him time to realize how hard some situations are for you, and even then, it's not something he'll fully be abe to understand. But he doesn't need to understand in order to care about you and consider your feelings! He'll help you in anyway he can. If you're having a hard time coping with the rough seas, he'll draw your attention to him. You're feeling overwhelmed at a gathering? He'll stay nearby, giving you a sense of stability in the hurdles you're currently up against.

Zoro: He'd be able to notice something's different about you. However, he may be someone who didn't quite believe in anxiety (at least not in the regard of a disorder). That being said, when he started spending more time with you, it became blatently obvious that it was, in fact, something to be taken more seriously. Once realizing this, he'd be more considerate towards you. He wouldn't really be hands on when helping you, but he'd hover around, just making sure everything is okay.

Sanji: You'd have his undying support. Similarly to Luffy, he wouldn't fully be able to grasp the extend of your problems, although that's not obligitory when it comes to caring about the ones you love. He'd be more than willing to listen to what triggers you and would help you find coping methods to help push you through rough patches. He's a doer and wants to help you find ways to ease your troubled mind.

Robin: Similaryly to Zoro, she would have sensed something was going on with you, especially if your anxiety flares up during more social events. When she notices, she'd be tacktful when approaching the issue; she wouldn't want to make you feel singled out. She's always happy to learn about her friends and the ways they think, so you could open up to her without fear of judgement.

Chopper: He'd know better than anyone here just how hard social anxiety is. Being as empathetic as he is, he'd sob for you when you mention your qualms. Despite this initial reaction, he is still a doctor and is dedicated to helping people. Sure, his specialty doesn't lie in psychology, but he'd be determined to find something, anything, to aid you. He'd be a stand-in emotional support reindeer if you really needed it.

Franky: He's an extremely friendly, silly, and sociable cyborg, though that doesn't mean he doesn't know how to tone it down when he sees someone he cares about going through a hard time. Being a doer like Sanji, he would look for solutions to your problem. He'd opt for sillier antics when it comes to keeping your mind off of things, which may or may not be the most helpful. Either way, everything he does is in good faith.

Brook: If you're a music lover, he'd opt for playing your favorite song to get your mind off of things. He finds it soothing and figures you would too. He'd check up on you through out the day, giving you space if that's what you need. If you'd rather talk or vent about it, he wouldn't object to it. He wouldn't mind if you end up talking his ear off, not that he has ears.

Law: Being a doctor, he'd know better than to just dismiss your issues, but dealing with emotions is not his forte. He'd probably start out keeping himself at arms length from you, observing how you handle each wave of anxiety. In doing this, he'd gain a better understanding of how to approach you. This may come across as him out right avoiding you, though. Once he has a better idea of how to handle you during, and outside of, these flare-ups, he'd helicopter around you, taking out some of the things that'd set you off when he can.

[sxfiamd]

A while ago, people were debating on reddit about each of the primordial demons and if they exhibit traits that can be classified under each of the 7 deadly sins. Figured that since there's 7 demons and they're like the top-notch demons, it makes sense, so here's my take（´ 3｀). Considering I don't have reddit, I figured I should put it here!

> This has no relation to the sin skill series (except Guy)

GUY - Pride, TESTAROSSA - Gluttony, DIABLO - Lust, CARRERA - Wrath, MIZERI - Envy, ULTIMA - Greed, RAINE - Sloth

The most obvious to me were Guy, Testa, and Raine.

Guy has the ultimate skill 'Lord of Pride', and although Testa was stated to be the most prideful of the demons, she shows more traits of other sins compared to Guy. Guy's pride is so powerful that it literally manifests into power. Do I need to elaborate?

For Testa, I had actually debated with Wrath before going with the more accepted option; gluttony. She speaks about the taste of souls and spends the most time "preparing" her meals compared to every other primordial shown. This is especially shown in Volume 13.5.

Diablo, although he does not show sexual desire, I believe is best suited for lust. His unique skill, 'Tempation', which is all about desire, definitely made this easier.

Carrera's short temper is a key figure of her personality, her explosive magic making this much clearer. I feel that wrath would be the most applicable to her.

I gave envy to Mizeri through the process of elimination. I dont know enough about her character to really assign her to sin, so I believe this was the best choice. I'm a Mizeri fan, so I'm really hoping to do a character dump of her soon!

Ultima was a lot harder to assign than what I was expecting! I eventually went with greed for her. Ult really wanted that physical body.

Raine is stated to be a lazy subordinate. She often attempts to avoid work, and this has led her to trouble on numerous occasions. Although only showed once, she has been told off by Guy for this behaviour. Honestly, she is the only primordial I could associate with sloth, and as such, I believe she is most suited.

I love the primordial demons so much we need for interactions with them. It's not a want it's a NEED!!

[aingeal98]

Steph for the ask game?

three facts about them from my personal headcanons

-The first woman Steph was ever attracted to was Zatanna. She didn't realise this until later on when she was dating Cass and it clicked that it hadn't just been platonic girl crush appreciation

-She did actually die. The body they put in the ground was actually Steph. Due to reality warping from various villains she ended up in Africa with Leslie who admitted that she hadn't actually let Steph die but tried everything and saw her bleed out regardless. They were both highly confused how she was alive again and they never did fully confirm why.

-She has all the autopsy scars and long lasting damage from Black Mask's torture. She used to play the piano but when she came back her fingers didn't stretch the way they used to and the first time she tried it gave her a panic attack.

a reason they suck

They were created and written by Chuck Dixon, which often meant being a part of his shitty conservative propaganda. She was more of a victim than a perpetrator most of the time, but I'd love to have modern Steph reflect on that and be like "Damn that internalized misogyny was kicking my ass sometimes huh."

a reason they are great

What if the entire narrative was stacked against you, what if your writers and editors looked down on you for being a teenage girl and treated you as nothing more than a pawn in their shitty sexist manpain stories. And what if you survived and triumphed and became loved enough to carve your own narrative. What if people have come and gone from the "family" that once excluded you maliciously but you're still here and kicking, a core part of it now. They put you in the Robin uniform as a consolation prize before killing you but you're still here and you're clawing your part in that history with everything you've got. For everyone that'll say Damian is the fourth Robin there's someone who'll reply "Actually that was Stephanie Brown."

a reason I relate to them

Being an isolated teenage girl who feels a deep anger at the injustice of the world and doesn't quite have anywhere to fit in or fully vent that anger? I was literally two bad days away from going out on the street to fight crime when I was a teen. I tend to relate to Cass more because the specific mentality and issues she have resonate strongly, but Steph also has plenty of material for me to dig into.

(what I consider to be) the top tier otp/ot3 for that character

Stephcass. It's gotta be stephcass. I could give a million reasons but I've yelled about this so much on my blog already. They bounce off each other so well, they've got the backstory and angst and complex dynamic while also being funny and cute together. The accidental romantic narrative they created is so damn good it barely needs anything to canonize it at this point.

five things that never happened to that character that I believe should have happened

A proper go at being Robin. An apology from Bruce. A discussion with Tim about what they did wrong and an apology too. A long talk with Cass after she came back from the dead with (you guessed it) an apology from Cass. Getting to talk to preboot Jason about what it means to be a sacrificial lamb to give Batman manpain and hype Tim up as the perfect Robin.

five people that character never fell in love with and why

-Dean. Even if she hadn't gotten pregnant it would have never worked out. He was simply too old and for all Steph hates herself she would have realized it eventually

-Detective Gage, for exactly the same reasons as Dean.

-Jason. He died before she came along and by the time he came back it would never cross either of their minds to be anything but purely platonic. They can bond but neither of them appeal to the other romantically.

-Kyle Mizoguchi. He's sweet and they could be something but unfortunately she's in love with Cass at this point. Like the entirety of Batgirls is just Steph and Cass being in love and not realizing it. Kyle had the wrong timing.

-Dick Grayson. The hypothetical age difference isn't a problem for Steph. But obviously, it's an issue for Dick. If she were ever to fall in love with him in an alternate universe and confess he'd be highly alarmed to find out why she thought things were possible between them. It might actually be nice for Steph to get an understanding ear and a shoulder to cry on, someone to tell her that it's not her fault and those men were wrong, but that's all. For one thing Dick is not a scumbag who creeps on young girls and for another thing that's his little brother's ex. In no universe could this ever be more than a one sided crush.