#I don’t really use the term at all for myself personally bc I think like pantsing it doesn’t say anything

[loverboydotcom]

purple prose might be another term that needs to be put on the high shelf of writing advice cause why does nobody seem to agree on what it actually means 😭😭😭

[tangents-within-tangents]

Thoughts on Echo as amputee/disability representation

First and foremost, I am not disabled or an amputee and I don’t claim to speak for those communities (and if I was I couldn't speak for everyone). What little I do know mostly comes from this youtube channel (@oakwyrm), this post, and other research I’ve done for my writing (and like one amputee I kinda knew in passing). By all means correct me and add to the conversation, I just have some thoughts I want to share because I haven’t really seen this discussed anywhere

Overview

So Echo is interesting. He is a triple amputee which is pretty rare in media. His disabilities come from extremely traumatic circumstances: injured in a near-death experience, imprisoned and dehumanized as an experiment with no autonomy over what happened to his body.

There are a few moments in the shows where Echo is treated… questionably. Like this bit where Rex uses him as an example of the Separatists' evils to convince the locals to fight back:

To be fair, yeah Echo’s treatment does prove that the Techno Union is not neutral like they claim. The modifications that everyone is gasping in horror at here obviously weren’t made with comfort and accessibility in mind, nor with Echo’s consent. But you still just want to be sure that “They took away his freedom, his humanity, they tried to turn him into a machine” is about using him as a living computer, not the fact that he is missing limbs. 

The Batch is also pretty insensitive toward him and his trauma imo, which is weird considering they've supposedly also faced discrimination for their mutations

Disabled people do have to deal with stuff like this in this day and age so I guess it can speak to those experiences. I think especially him being mistaken as a droid (and Hunter going along with it (bruh)) might resonate with some people. 

Aside from that stuff, Echo isn't really treated any differently as a character/person which is really good (as low of a bar as that is).

We get this moment in CW where Echo contemplates that yeah things are gonna be different now

While also (imo at least) showing that he is still the same person regardless, evidenced by the fact that he just echoed Rex :,) I also think it's significant that he joins the Bad Batch on his own terms and we're given a really emotional scene to specifically show that he's not just like 'lumped in with the other misfits' but that it is his choice to go where he feels his place is.

A lot of people, myself included, are disappointed that TBB didn't have more time to explore Echo's PTSD, but I think the one panic attack scene we did get is really good. Even thought it's minor it at least is an appropriate reaction from a guy who was medically tortured (which is more than I've come to expect from Star Wars shows lol)

And it's really sweet to see Omega showing Echo some empathy and consideration.

It would have been nice to see more of his adjustment period, and other side effects like chronic pain and maintenance, but there’s a lot of daily life stuff the show never had time for (i.e. we don’t know if he removed his prosthetics to sleep, but we also never saw him sleep anyway). His disabilities might take on a background role (much like the character himself sadly) but for the most part they aren’t invisible or erased, nor do they define his character and arc.

Physical Appearance

Okay this one is bit dicey, bc on the one hand, yes complaints that Echo’s paleness (most likely caused by burns from the explosion or chemical burns from the cryo-chamber) is whitewashing are totally valid. But I also think you can draw comparisons to real life conditions that affect pigmentation/complexion (like you know burns). So while I understand why a lot of fanart will depict him with his original skin tone and with hair, consider that there are real people who have to live with temporary or permanent changes to their appearance, and the idea of “fixing" him by making him look more like his old self can be problematic.

It's also interesting to note that Echo could act as a reversal of the 'disabled/disfigured = evil' trope. He's pale and bald and wears black and red, which is so often visually associated with villains, but we all know Echo is the bestest boy™

The Headpiece

Echo’s headpiece is interesting because within the show we don’t actually ever learn much about it (idk if there is more info in books or whatever bc i don’t have them so?). He didn’t have it in CW so we know it didn’t come from the Techno Union and therefore Echo probably had more choice with it. We don’t know its exact purpose but it’s most likely related to his scomping abilities. When he is hacking with his scomp in CW, before he has his headpiece, it’s clearly very mentally straining:

We don’t see him struggling like this in TBB once he does have it (though that could be bc he got more used to it over time). There doesn't seem to be much of an impact when he removes his headpiece in s3 ep14-15, except that he gets stuck in the ports every time he uses his scomp which is not something we’ve seen before: 

There might not be an exact real-world equivalent, but the headpiece is some kind of accessibility aid. It means that someone specifically designed a device to help him adapt to the changes the Techno Union made, as well as a helmet that integrates it. It’s removable and visually very present, much like a cochlear implant would be. (A lot of people actually headcanon it to act partially as a hearing aid, since it makes sense that Echo’s hearing would have been damaged in the explosion, but there isn't really any indication of this in canon.) The headpiece is never really acknowledged in the show, but I think that's a good thing. It's something he needs/wants and it just exists, completely normalized, and that's pretty cool 👍

Legs

Sigh... So from the very first episode of TBB I was really disappointed that the animation team or whoever completely visually erased Echo’s prosthetic legs (I think we all were, honestly, if fanart is anything to go by). It’s one thing when he’s in armor because he would probably want to protect his prosthetics, but we literally see him in his blacks and there is no indication whatsoever that he lost his legs even though it was not left up for debate at all in CW:

Like ??????!?

This is just really strange to me! Idk what went on behind the scenes with this decision but I don’t really see why it would be that much harder to animate or anything since it’s 3D and they've done it before. We do see some pretty sophisticated cybernetic technology in Star Wars canon that mimics real limbs:

But Luke’s fancy hand is technically 20ish years from now, so Anakin and Maul are more of a representation of what level we could expect here

So yeah, for no apparent reason, his leg amputation is effectively, visually and narratively nonexistent. Which is not great 👎

Arm!

The scomp on the other hand (uh lol!) is the complete opposite and I kinda love it!

At first I, like many others, thought it was a bit odd that they didn’t give Echo a prosthetic arm. Losing hands is basically a Star Wars tradition at this point, so robotic arms/hands are well established within the worldbuilding: 

We aren’t necessarily given a canon reason for why Echo doesn't get a cybernetic arm (again unless it's in some lore book I haven’t read, sorry). General fanon explanations I’ve seen are that he either couldn’t because the Techno Union wired the scomp too far into his nervous system, and/or the resources to give him one were deemed too expensive for a clone (what about his legs tho?), or that he chose not to, usually because he thought the scomping was useful. 

Regardless, I actually really love this choice (and it's the whole reason I made this post), because here's the thing: There’s a lot of problematic tropes out there that either erase/cure disabilities or compensate them with perks (like how pretty much any blind character is actually not blind by some sort of magic power). With amputees that is done with robotic arms. The character is still an amputee or course, and there is still value in that representation, if this story from Mark Hamill that makes me tear up is anything to go by:

but for the most part these characters function like anyone else, just with a limb that looks a little different. It’s no more than a video game skin, an able-bodied actor with a green screen glove. It “cures” the disability, or it actually makes the character even stronger than usual: 

It usually makes sense within the world of the story, but the reason it’s not so great in my opinion is that in the real world we just do not have technology anywhere close to that yet. Prosthetics can more or less replace any mobility from lost legs, but not for all the complexities of a hand (and even if they could the average person wouldn’t be able to afford it).

So

I think it's actually really super cool that Echo’s scomp bypasses the canonically-established amputee erasure and functions much like a stump would irl. He integrates it into his movements and everyday life and it’s (as far as I know) a lot closer to an everyday amputee’s experience. 

It doesn’t define his character, it doesn’t hold him back, he lives a full life, the other’s don’t treat him any differently, and he’s still a total karking badass 

The only additional thing is that he sometimes uses it as a weapon (which given his story, I think it’s cool to see him taking back autonomy in a way, and we only see that like twice)

And also the scomping, which could be seen as the 'added/compensating superpower' trope. But narratively it's no different than if he was plugging in with a hacking gadget of some kind (he didn't necessarily "need" to lose his arm for it) and it’s not like Echo is completely defined by this skill. Personally, I think it's well worth the positives of him actually having a visible and realistically impactful amputation. 

I see a lot of posts or comments out there that say stuff like “how come Echo doesn’t get a hand?” or fanworks that do give him one and I just think it’s a bit of a shame. If he did get a robotic hand, it just would have disappeared the same way his legs and Anakin’s arm did (aside from that one time he got yoinked by a magnet). When Echo did “get a hand” in the last two episodes there were comments like “yay he finally got a hand! but it doesn’t even work” but I was actually so relieved that it didn’t! Bc for one thing that wouldn’t make any sense, he grabbed it off a droid, it wasn’t designed to implement with his scomp, that would be really complicated. But more importantly because it again refused to erase/cure his disability! It functioned like a real-world cosmetic prosthetic (useless beyond appearance) which is exactly what he needed it for, so that he could blend in better with his disguise.

And he continually took it off throughout the episode and ditched it at the end. He only used it for the necessity of a stealth mission, he doesn’t feel the need to visually “fit in” in his daily life. 

And, last but very much not least, he made a dad joke and from my intel that is very accurate representation!

TLDR: Echo’s scomp is actually really cool from an amputee representation perspective, especially within Star Wars, and I think that deserves some appreciation 

[dunmeshistash]

I can’t find it now, but you had a post about Kabru being high-masking, and you said you didn’t think he was, which is completely fair! I had a different opinion as someone who is high-masking AuDHD and wanted to share (but of course now I can’t find the post 9_9)

Personally, I read Kabru as being high masking autistic, with one critical difference between us: he’s an extrovert. I’m actually more like Milsiril than Kabru - I collect/make dolls, I’d rather be at home than anywhere else, I’ve been called creepy and weird and gloomy for all of those things, but I also learned how to mask relatively early on, so most people don’t ever get to see that side of me. For me it’s a lot of work and energy- most of the time. If I’m around people I like, it’s less so, but people in general take a lot of my energy. Kabru, on the other hand, is very extroverted. He gets a lot of energy from interacting with people, and for the most part his personality and interests are acceptable to the society he lives in. BUT his interest in dissecting people’s motivations and how they communicate and interact and how to move them in the direction he wants them to go, that’s considered overly intense and creepy even by his party. Kabru keeps a lot of his thoughts and honest reactions internal because he’s aware of how people interact and what is or isn’t acceptable. I do the same thing, and I engage in a fair bit of “manipulation” (neutral) as part of my masking - I know that asking people for advice, showing interest in their lives, complaining together about things, etc, will cause them to view me more favorably and I use that to keep myself “safe”, along with basically never talking about my interests. I’m friendly and open and helpful and I almost never fight back against anything, so people “like” me. It’s not all *fake*, but it’s not the whole truth either. I’d rather not engage in conversation at all, because I can’t talk honestly about my interests without being considered creepy- but if Kabru’s special interest is people and how they interact, to some degree he can talk about his interests without it seeming weird.

Anyways, that’s my perspective :D also thank you for being a Milsiril defender, it’s… really painful to see people calling her manipulative and superior. I know a lot of it is bc ppl DO NOT understand anyone who likes dolls as an adult but like….. liking dolls has less than nothing to do with “needing to feel superior” or in control -_-

Hello!! I collect dolls too!!! Proud to be nº1 Milsiril defender.

That's an interesting perspective! As far as I understand (I'm autistic too so I don't have personal experience to how allistic people work) everyone does some amount of masking, as in everyone has a version of themselves they use to interact with others and that "mask" usually falls when you're with people who know and understand you better

As I understand that type of mask is expected in society? Like you wont act at work the same way you do with your college friends (usually). But as some tumblr post said "we are the mask and the wearer" as in those masks are still a part of who they are.

That's why I said I didn't think Kabru was high masking, I hadn't heard that term before so I was confused

Maybe I don't fully get it but keeping some parts of yourself inside and not expressing it to people who wont understand is common among allistic and autistic people but masking is this but in a way more stressful way? Since you aren't just hiding facets of who you are you're making an active effort to hide the whole thing basically.

Kabru's mask seems to come easily to him and it doesn't seem like he makes an conscious effort to go against his nature to hide who he is that's why I said he probably doesn't do high masking in that sense. But in another sense he IS highly adaptable to the people around him and studies how people act so I understand that perspective! It's more of a personal interpretation tbh.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hi Raven! I just had a quick question because I was hoping to clear up some confusion for me.

In book 5, when getting ready to audition for the VDC and the actual audition, I interpreted it as us just helping and being moral support for ADeuce. However, with some of the things I’ve seen, we, the MC, might’ve auditioned? Bc I really hope not lol I have no musical talent and would be so embarrassed I know I’m a bad singer I don’t need Vil the Queen telling me

Thanks! Have a good night/day :>

Good question! I went back into the game to check and… well, it’s more complicated than you might think! Let’s go through it all.

So beginning in 5-4, you first learn about the VDC/SDC. Grim expresses his excitement: “I want in on this competition!” In Japanese, you’ll notice that Grim uses “ore-sama” which is an uppity way to refer to oneself in the singular. Here, Grim is talking about his own intent to join the competition both in English and In Japanese.

Now let’s jump ahead to 5-9. This is the part where Adeuce and Grim are practicing their dance moves on the basketball court. After witnessing how bad they are, the player is granted two dialogue options, one of which makes use of the word “we”. This could imply that Yuu is practicing dancing with Adeuce and Grim. Important to note, however, is that the Japanese version includes no such subjects and could be interpreted as not including Yuu because of this.

Also!! Jamil comments on the dancing abilities of the other boys in both EN and JP, but not on Yuu at all.

In 5-11, Jamil asks if “you” have applied for the audition yet. In JP, Jamil uses the phrase “kimi-tachi”, which is closer to “you all” (ie more than one person). He does not make specific reference to Yuu, nor does he single them out with the “you”.

Then in 5-12, Adeuce, Grim, and Yuu approach Rook to sign up for VDC/SDC auditions. Rook announces their personal details and then tells them "Since you have informed me of your intent, you do not need to fill out any paperwork". In Japanese, the subject "you" is not present, but the implication is that he's referring to at least Ace, Deuce, and Grim as a group. There's not much here to implicate that Yuu is also signing up.

When the actual audition happens in 5-16, Rook announces that Ace, Deuce, Grim and Yuu "may enter". This could imply that Yuu is there for moral support or that they, too, are auditioning.

In 5-18, a little while after the auditions, Yuu has a dialogue choice: “Did we flunk?” The use of “we” here could imply Yuu auditioned, or it could refer to their group of friends + their efforts to cheer them on. It should be noted that JP lacks pronouns in these same options, so it’s unclear whether or not Yuu is referring to themselves and/or the group.

5-20 perhaps gives us the most definitive answer. Grim gets annoyed that he was summoned despite not being accepted into the NRC Tribe. More specifically, he points out that he and Yuu were left out of the conversation. Grim then says “Why’d you call us over when we already flunked out?” Given that every other student present has been accepted, the use of “we” here HAS to refer to Grim and Yuu. In JP, Grim uses the term “ore-sama tachi”, which makes a plural or group of people. So here, both EN and JP are very clear and agree with each other; they seem to suggest Yuu auditioned and failed.

It's very easy to miss this if you aren't paying close attention! (I overlooked it myself, www) I wonder if the writing was intentionally vague or dragged its feet up to part 20 because a lot of details surrounding Yuu are left vague to allow for as much or as little player projection as they like. That way, people who have no interest in it can imagine just sitting out while the people who are interested can imagine performing their heart out. I know that there's some fan art of individual people's Yuusonas auditioning, but the majority of the fandom seems to be satisfied with Yuu fulfilling more of a support/cheerleader or managerial role for book 5.

Interestingly, Yuu failing the auditions here can support a line that Azul says in book 3 when they're negotiating the terms for a deal (in 3-10). He states that Yuu is "not gifted with a beautiful voice [...]" but doesn't remark on their dancing abilities. So... Yuu might have been mediocre at the singing part of the audition?

Ace, Deuce, and even Grim seem to have improved a bit thanks to Jamil's coaching earlier in book 5, but since Jamil did not comment on Yuu... er, maybe Yuu didn't see a little improvement and so didn't get accepted into the tribe? Not sure why Grim wasn't either, especially since Vil was convinced by Rook to go for "unpolished" gems to make himself shine even brighter; maybe cuz he's a lil' cat and would steal all the attention/j)

[nereidprinc3ss]

BESTIE. I was just casually thinking about your whole dybmn series and now I’m wondering, as both reader and Spencer become more confident with their spicy dynamics, what kind of lover would Spencer become with her? New k!nks, maybe?, I JUST genuinely think that Spencer is so whipped for her that he would definitely use toys and anything else, not only to experiment but to get to know and find out about all of her secret facets.

I believe she would be his “creation” like he would be so proud to see her development in her confidence in spicy times like smirking all over as she does anything to please him and he’d be like “yeah, I created that” because I’M BITING MY PILLOW RIGHT NOW and gonna dig up a hole after this to hide myself because my thoughts are so hideous. Girlie, what did you do to me? I wasn’t like this. 😩

oh let’s discuss

18+ long ass rambling and things i think about A Lot ……..

in my opinion (which is not the end all be all everyone can perceive them however they’d like) reader and spencer definitely bring out more sexually adventurous sides of each other like they just have a shit ton of chemistry and for a while ithink spencer would just be easing reader into sexuality so nothing that crazy would happen aside from the power dynamics we see pretty much from the start. i think those would definitely get stronger and occasionally more variable. im not usually into sub!spence but i think there would be times he would definitely allow reader to have more control (i don’t ever think he’d be like calling them mommy lmfao) but aside from that i could also see him veering VERY rarely in a slightly harder!dom direction. like he’ll never hurt or seriously degrade you but in p3 reader says something about liking it when he acts like they belong to him and he was really into that. as the relationship progresses i think he would almost start taking more ownership of r’s body in a way, like obviously nothing is ever nonconsensual but he just knows you so well that it’s like… well he knows you better than you know yourself sooo you let him call the shots, but at his core i think spencer is forever oriented to please. he just wants to make you feel good, that’s always gonna be his goal, so he’s always going to listen and even if the power dynamic is weighed in his favor you are actually always the one in control bc he’d do anything for u lol

in terms of kinks…. idk, i never really see spencer as a super kinky guy? like he just knows too much about paraphilia and obviously sexual violence ties into a lot of his job so i sincerely doubt he’d find giving or receiving pain arousing beyond like slapping your ass or you scratching his back or whatever. love is always at the heart of sex for him and that’s going to be the most important part, he’ll never be able to see you just as a body. he’ll always see you as the person he’s in love with and there are things he’s simply not willing to do to the person he loves.

because of his trauma he’s super duper hesitant about bondage BUT i think he wouldn’t be completely opposed to very light restraints on you or him, he’d just have to be in a specific mood. i also never see him as being someone who’s super into toys because he’s such a luddite, he can barely stand having an email i doubt he’s going to have an extensive collection of sex toys. but he would so use your vibrator on you or make you use it on yourself in front of him again if he’s in a very specific mood

oh but YES he DELIGHTS in having defiled and corrupted you. idc idc im not accepting criticism on this. like he spoils you so much that you’re used to getting him whenever you want and so you’re not very subtle about it. if you get all needy in public and start draping yourself all over him and giving him looks and pulling on his sleeve because you want to go home he’ll fuck you in rossi’s bathroom because he wants to encourage your lewd behavior.

obviously he has boundaries tho and he has respect for you and the people around him like he won’t do anything that draws attention and he’ll only ever do things he knows he can get away with without anyone else noticing

later seasons spence also LOVES when you leave marks on him he thinks it’s cute how you mark your territory and he’s not at all embarrassed if there is a hickey above his collar at work. in his mind it’s like. why would he care about other peoples opinions on his sex life when they have nothing to do with it god i think about this all the time

anyway im sorry if this was disappointing😭 idkidk, thank you for asking about my thoughts tho bc i am always down for headcanons

[featureenvyproductions]

here’s a bird’s eye view of my comic Eyan Eternal

For people who don't know what it is. Bc I think some of you might find it's right up your alley. Well this is an updated one anyway. I do actually have a volume of this out in print right now, but the low def, basic version is online and complete, and tbh, I just want people to read it. I took almost two years to complete this and quite literally poured every waking moment (after work and when I wasn’t fixing stuff in my house) into this to try and finish it.

Ahem

Here is one of these at a glance things! 

If that’s enough to intrigue you, take a look at my chapter masterpost which has convenient links to every chapter post so you don’t have to go figuring out where they are and what order they go in!: https://www.tumblr.com/featureenvyproductions/717516139934154752/eyan-eternal-tumblr-chapter-masterpost?source=share

If you like it and want to support me you can also buy a copy of the first print volume, which collects chapters 1-5 and has a smidge of bonus content (only available in the US right now, but that’s not going to be forever, and I’m working on an e-book as well): https://www.etsy.com/FeatureEnvy/listing/1447399615/eyan-eternal?utm_source=Copy&utm_medium=ListingManager&utm_campaign=Share&utm_term=so.lmsm&share_time=1683565699335

And now here is a more detailed break down if you need more info than that...

*Jonathan Frakes asks you things meme voice* have you ever wondered what you’d find if you REALLY lived forever?

Well, meet Eyan, an immortal vampire.

He’s slowly finding out the answer to that question...

...And it appears to be unbearable isolation.

Eons into the distant future, when most stars have faded in the night sky and the cosmic event horizon has confined any remaining beings to an isolated pocket of the universe, Eyan roams interstellar space in a repurposed generation ship in search of anything that could be considered alive/sentient in the way he is.

So far, he’s out of luck.

That is until he runs into an unexpected former rival on a remote planet - Zero, a sentient android he never expected to be the only other person left alive.

Well. That is, if either of them can really be considered “alive”. What does that mean anyway, when the humans who defined what it means to be alive are all gone?

This is something they’ll have to explore and define for themselves as they attempt to set aside their myriad of differences and try to work together on one of the few ways left to escape the dark fate of ultimate isolation - The Grand Encoder, a machine that can upload minds to a special medium - if it even works for them anyway. In the process, they slowly come to accept that maybe they’d had each other all wrong and weren’t seeing the bigger picture.

You may not find any action-packed Star Wars like escapades here in this sci fi drama. You also won’t find ponderings about the origins of vampires or what gave rise to robot sentience - It’s integral to the plot that these things just ARE. But you will find a thoughtful exploration of identity and how it can cause us to define ourselves and relate to (or abandon) each other depending on the framework within which we are doing that exploration and within which we are compelled to exist. It asks the question, what if the frameworks within which we defined our existence and purpose no LONGER existed...Where would we go from there?

And as two immortal guys who are the only folks left in the universe (as far as they know), Eyan and Zero are just the right people to mull over that.

There is both textual and allegorical queerness in this story - both main characters should be considered gay men, even if it’s The Future TM and terms/exact scopes of identities may not be EXACTLY 1-1 with today’s...But I want to be perfectly clear that it was my intent to make them gay because I wanted to see more gay guys in sci fi and I don’t want anyone erasing that. As for the allegorical stuff - I myself am a trans gay man in my late 30s, so this act of re-exploring and re-framing myself and evaluating how and why queer folks interact with each other the way we do is something I’m very familiar with, and I feel like other folks might relate. (I also peppered in some neurodivergent-person-in-a-neurotypical-world moods tbh.)

Of course it’s not all serious. I do have a bit of fun with some old school vampire tropes, tossing Eyan around and putting him in Situations.

Anyway if this all sounds interesting to you, take a look at my tag and site (above)! I’d appreciate it! I also like to hear from people and see if there’s anything about it you related to! :)

I also do everything. Every last monotonous step (well, aside from literally loading up a printing press to churn out volumes lol - BUT REST ASSURED IF I HAD $10K TO PISS INTO THE WIND I WOULD DO THAT TOO). So if there’s ANYTHING you want to know about my process, I’m happy to tell you so please ask, especially if you’re like trying to get started on your own comic or trying to go to print :) 

Edit before I go ahead and blaze this: I want to say, to be honest, the creation of comic was initially motivated almost entirely by the isolation/loneliness I’ve felt in my life. It’s not as bad as some folks’ and I know that, but it is a really prevalent thread throughout my life and sometimes is almost unbearable, and my comic began as an exploration of that loneliness, as well as a narrative exercise to try and express the depth of it at its worst point. I’m putting this out here because ultimately I don’t know...maybe someone will catch my drift and understand the feeling I’m trying to illustrate, and maybe they’ll want to see the plot that came of those feelings. I am not above the need to feel seen lol, especially if other people out there feel like they can resonate with this experience as well.

[kindlespark]

this is gonna be SO long and rambly sorry anyway i saw a post abt how babel does queer characters and it got me thinking abt why the tropes it uses would usually turn me off other stories but didn’t here

MAJOR BABEL SPOILERS //

i feel like i’d be more mad abt how robinramy ended up in babel if it marketed itself as queer lit at all or if its fans were going “WOW AMAZING QUEER REP” abt it. but no one told me any of that, so finding out they were gay was just a fun little bonus surprise to me. i get why ppl are eh abt robinramy not getting together/technically still being subtext (which i dont think is really true btw like the book literally says “robin was falling in love” but idk i guess if you were stupid you might’ve assumed that it was falling in love with oxford given how romantic some of the other language is (WHICH IS ALSO THE POINT bc i think robin’s friendship with ramy blurring into romance is why he romanticised like all his friendships/experiences in oxford BUT IM GETTING OFF-TOPIC)). i just think robin’s repression abt being gay was intrinsically tied to his attitudes on imperialism (wrt refusing to acknowledge anything that complicated his life until it was too late) and i don’t consider it a cop out or queerbait. like i genuinely don’t think robinramy could ever have gotten together without drastic alterations being made in terms of plot and character. plus i think it’s clear that kuang didn’t want to write a story with any kind of focus on romance at all, because it’s not that kind of book. there’s no successful het romance either, so it grates a lot less. the only reason romance is included at all is to show the ways in which white entitlement manifests. so the tragic way robinramy played out just made sense to me.

and i speak as someone who accidentally spoiled myself on You Know What in the middle of reading and i was like ugghh boooo dreading it the whole time expecting to roll my eyes when it happened but then when it did i was like. wow im actually not that mad LMFAO 😭😭😭 actually thematically the book sets it up so well that i believed that this was unfortunately the only way it could’ve gone. babel is about the loss and tragedy and grief that colonised people experience. it’s about the lengths people will go to to uphold empire and the lengths ppl will go to to tear it down like idk 😭 i guess it is bury your gays but it didnt bother me this time because i thought it fit thematically ❤️ i enjoy tragedy as a genre a lot and i would’ve made it gay anyway you know. thanks rf kuang for doing it for me so i didnt have to.

WHICH IS ALL TO SAY that i guess if you’re going into babel for the queer rep without appreciating that the story is fundamentally a tragedy it would feel like it’s just reusing tired tropes….. but i think the choices kuang made were rly deliberate and not in a way that feels like trauma porn or shock value. the book is fundamentally about the struggles of poc so the layer of queerness that was introduced felt like a subtle extension of the experiences of characters of colour in the book, and i enjoyed and related to it as a queer chinese person who kind of realised they had to prioritise their fight for the liberation of poc over queerness mainly because the idea of western queer liberation cannot be dissociated from imperialism and many aspects of homophobia as we know it was an export of christian european empire into our colonised countries in the first place and FUCK THIS IS A WHOLE OTHER TANGENT ABOUT HOW I THINK RAMY AS A CHARACTER IS EMBLEMATIC OF THE TENSION AND STRUGGLE THAT QUEER POC DIASPORA HAVE BETWEEN OUR IDENTITIES GODDAMNIT OK FORGET IT POST CANCELLED i just rly think babel’s handling of queer characters is fine and makes sense and i like it personally and maybe i will make a coherent analysis about it one day but that day is not today byeeeeeee

[communistkenobi]

in that post abt the gender unicorn graphic, in the comments the idea of the “split attraction model” is brought up and you say you dont want to litigate that. however, im really curious what your opinion is bc i have some ideas abt it too. i feel like its sort of an incomplete analysis? like, people feel different ways about others and that cant really be flattened into like two modes of attraction. but i personally would call myself aromantic and bisexual so obviously i have some level of investment of the idea. anyways i just ask because in general i find your analysis and opinions compelling

thank you! re: this graphic

My issue with splitting “physical attraction” and “emotional attraction” is that it does the same naturalising trick that the chromosomes-as-the-symbol-of-sex does - by splitting the emotional from the physical, this implies that physical attraction is natural, without emotion, and by the same token that emotion can exist completely detached from the physical body of the person you emotionally desire. Like I just don’t think this is true! For example, the idea of “casual sex,” ie sex that is devoid of emotion/emotional investment, is a social construction, it is a sexual act that is being contrasted against societal norms of “serious sex” or “invested sex” or whatever you want to call it - sex that is being done in the context of a monogamous, married relationship, or an otherwise exclusive long-term one. the base social unit of much of western society is the nuclear family, and the nuclear family is “ideally” produced by monogamous, cis-heterosexual, racially homogeneous reproductive sex. That is the norm by which all other sexual behaviour and activity is judged by.

and to be clear I’m not using “emotional” in an idealistic or moral sense, I am not using it as a shorthand for romantic feelings, I am purposefully using the language the graphic is using - I mean any emotion. Like just to be super clear, I’m not suggesting that people who have casual sex all secretly love the people they fuck, or that sex has to always be a serious emotional endeavour, or that people who do not feel sexual attraction to the people they have romantic feelings for are secretly lying, but that I don’t think sex is something that can be devoid of emotionality entirely. Like I think we are engaging in this Cartesian body/mind dualism where the physical acts we perform are somehow wholly separate from our emotional states. Pleasure has an emotional component to it, I don’t know how to articulate my experiences with pleasure that do not involve some level of emotionality, and emotionality has a physical character to it. Like in fact I think this graphic is treating emotions as ideal states - it reminds me of like old misogynistic psychological theory that described rationality as an absence of emotion, that to engage in rationality is to move away from emotion. It treats rationality as “out there,” objective, natural, detached from social influence, and emotion as “in here,” in our hearts, ruled by the social. And this distinction is made on the idea that the social world is detached from the physical world, which is pure idealism.

this is not a dismissal or denial of anyone who feels a disconnect between their sexual and romantic desires, such as asexual or aromantic people - while I am neither of those things, I have experienced intense physical desire for the person I’m fucking while actively dissociating during sex as a result of dysphoria/heteronormativity/etc etc. by the same token I have also felt emotionally compelled to be physically attracted to someone without actually feeling physical desire. These are both emotional states that were in conflict with my physical desires, or rather my physical desires as I understood them at the time. our ability to interpret and understand our desires is itself social! otherwise heteronormativity wouldn’t be a thing. We don’t have unmediated, unemotional access to physical desire, which I think this graphic is arguing, intentionally or not.

so having complicated, contradictory, disconnected, or otherwise ‘non-normative’ relationships to our emotional states vis a vis physical desire is obviously very real, and the reason they are real is because physical desire is also socially mediated and constructed. What and who we find attractive, why types of bodies, physical and character traits, etc are attractive to us are all part of (joker voice) society.

now, idk how you easily communicate this in graphic format. perhaps these things are unsuited to the medium of easily digestible graphics, or perhaps I’m limited in my imagination. either way I don’t think bifurcating emotional-desire-as-social and physical-desire-as-natural is particularly helpful

[maluceh]

hi would you ever post your drawing process? i’ve noticed you do research when it comes to stuff like finding references to age up characters properly, making the characters’ styles accurate for their time, etc.

sometimes you don’t realize how much goes into art besides the sketches, drawing, rendering, all that stuff, so the little things like that which make a big difference in the end is so cool to notice, you’re a really inspiring artist for me! your art style is incredible and i’d love to see what goes through your head before drawing something, if that’s alright with you ofc.

like what’s your inspiration? what shaped your art style? do you use references and how often bc sometimes i see some poses you draw and think ok there HAD to be a reference used for this bc it’s too good but i understand finding refs for what’s going on your head is difficult a lot of times so i just chalk it up to you being skilled enough to guess how the anatomy would work (so much praise for artists like that because??? insane talent! not to say using refs makes artists less skilled or anything 😭😭 hope it didn’t come off that way)

OK WOW THAT WAS A LOT IM SORRY!

oh where to begin…

I usually get ideas of what I want to do, but it’s not until I open the canvas that my hand just knows what to do I guess? There’s times when I can just paste what’s in my head on the canvas and times when I struggle more and I have to look for references/trace poses (which are usually me with really bad lightening around my room or yeah, pics from pinterest)

lol funny story, my one drawing of James, Lily and Harry dancing I recorded myself dancing and got screenshots of that to base the poses on…. I accidentally sent one to a person that was commissioning me at the time, most embarrasing moment of my life

ANYWHOO! In terms of clothes, I have a board for every character where I put like what I think their style entails. Cause I like it when they look like teenagers in the 70s

Here’s my process when i just vomit my idea on the canvas

there are some where I don’t have the patience or the project is too big (ex. the panels) and figuring out the anatomy would be too time consuming, so i trace the pose but i’ve been trying to do that less and less to make myself actually work and get better at anatomy

and what shaped my artstyle? wow that’s a hard question lol, idk

I think i’ve picked things from artists i’ve liked and just created a frankenstein of it, little by little and without realizing it.

not that my art looks ANYTHING like theirs, but these are some of the artists that have inspired me a lot through my art journey

hope i answered your question jsjsjs

[shalom-iamcominghome]

I’m going to send emails out soon to finally try to find a willing rabbi to guide me in the conversion process. I’ve said I wanted to convert in December but was thinking about it even before then (that’s just when I told people). But I’m worried about not being Jewish enough. Like I want to convert ‘orthodox’ Sephardic, which ik is kind of redundant bc most sephardic ppl just say sephardic and aren’t rlly divided into orthodox, conservative, reform either due to historical reason, but like what if I turn out being not so orthodox after? Like I love the idea of being observant, but I know that I’m not someone to wear modest dress 24/7 (rn I only wear shorts like a handful of times of year but I’ll also wear leggings, and tights pants or v neck shirts that show cleavage). And I’m not a virgin and don’t really want to be celibate. Idk I just feel like if I go through the process of converting and being observant, I will be expectant to be fully observant and idk if that’s an expectation I can’t hold. Are there any other ppl that converted only to become ‘less’ observant after? And idk observance is a personal things, but many ppl will still look at you as less observant if you don’t follow every interpretation they do

I want to preface this by saying I hope you are able to find a rabbi who you feel safe to discuss this with. Oftentimes, you'll find that they themselves can empathize with you, even if they themselves are born jews. Jewish identity for all is complex. I also hope that, in answering this further, you might find comfort and know that you are worthy of converting.

I am in a mixed Ashki and Sephardi conservative shul, and my sponsoring rabbi is himself not conservative (I'm in a unique position). When he and when other rabbis ask about observance goals, I have noticed it is so they can anticipate how they can best help you. I myself want to be a 'typical' conservative jewish man, so I find some level of empathy with you! It's hard! And you're in what can feel like a raw and vulnerable space, one where judaism feels just out of reach, something you want or need. Trust me when I say I absolutely get it.

I felt the exact same as you before I joined my shul and later again when I found my rabbi. I worried about the fact that I didn't know how to daven, when to bow, the fact that the siddur is transliterated differently than what we say. It was overwhelming! But then... my community privileged me and truly put such an astounding effort in supporting my journey. It is by no means over, but they treat me the same as any other jew in the congregation. I'd feel weird if I pulled by phone out during shabbos because they hold me in the same light as them. All of this is to say that it is just as likely that you will find a community with whom you feel embraces you through this entire wonderful journey. It is entirely possible to marry your goals with judaism - it has been done before. How could a culture, a religion, a people have survived millenniums without someone like you having made a similar journey and made it as a jew? There will always be people like you, like me, who have made this journey and made it work for them, with others who loved them as a comrade, lover, friend, and confidant.

And when it comes to a varying of practice once you are jewish? It is only natural if that happens. A conversion is not an ever-lasting contract to stay stagnant in your practice - it is, essentially, formalizing that you are part of this people. I have been following plenty of jews who have converted and who have both become more observant and less observant. In fact, a ruling about this which has truly comforted me is from Ben-Zion Meir Hai Uziel, a Sephardi chief rabbi who made a ruling about this:

You are human, and there are 613 mitzvot. Hardly any of us consistently follow them all - especially when many require the temple! We can only expect you to do your best, to live jewishly under your terms and readiness! It takes some of us years to work up to certain observances, and that is regardless of jewish status. It would be unfair to expect you to take on more than you are ready for, regardless of if you have immersed yet or not. Heck, I only feel comfortable observing a select amount of mitzvot because I want to understand all of them before doing them. I want my soul to yearn for an aspect of observance, because my personal goal is to fall hopelessly and madly in love with jewish life, judaism, and this wonderful people. I want to emphasize that we all come at judaism with a unique, interesting, and worthy background. Yours is no exception.

I hope that, maybe, you got something out of this rambling. You are worth it to convert if you have decided this is your desire, want, or need. I for one welcome you here, and hope that our paths continue to cross. Please don't hesitate to talk anytime - judaism is a communal practice. It is not something you can wholly do alone.

[swollenbabyfat]

How did you come to draw and paint the way you do? What inspirations do you pull from? All of your art oozes with some strange, almost ethereal emotion I've not quite seen anywhere else, something similar to what I'd like to capture with my own works.

I’ve always had a bit of a hard time answering this bc like…I honestly think aesthetic/inspirational/taste stuff is a library you build up over your whole life, or maybe a closet that you try things on to see what does and doesn’t work for you. My biggest advice to this kinda stuff is to experiment a lot and take in a lot of media in a purposeful way, and try to actively apply things you like about said medias to your work. And don’t just consume stuff within your field, I take inspiration from a ton of stuff that isn’t art. I also recommend having somewhere to keep a kind of reserve of inspo, wether it be on tumblr or Pinterest or what have you.

So with that being said I’ll try to sum up what I can about myself.

I’m a horror lover, have been since I was (too) young. I’ve consumed a ton of horror movies, read a lot of books, and certainly have digested a lot of art about it. I am a bit of a haunted person haha, and I’ve always really attached myself to horror, and with some exception to just purely cute stuff I truly am always thinking about it with my work. I am not really aiming to make people feel comfortable with my stuff, in fact often the opposite, but many feel understood anyways which feels nice. I don’t think horror for horrors sake is always as fufilling to me, it always pulls from something internal that I’ve been wrestling with or are afraid of myself.

I am classically trained in fine art due to the kind of art program my highschool had (magnet program if that means anything to anyone), it was incredibly good and I always feel so lucky I got to go there. Bc of this I learned a lot of techniques in painting as well as the fundamental of art. I don’t think my art would be the way it is without this training, but I also think with how the internet is now you can probably do the same thing at your own pace, just have to be dedicating a decent amount of time and mental energy into it.

Bc of my highschool training I also learned about art history, which had a big impact on me, particularly renaissance, baroque, and rococo. Religious imagery as well had a huge impact on me, particularly catholic (probs cause we learned about it it the most). I would say doing master studies with these would be a huge help.

I would say it’s important to me that each “full” illustration tells a story of sorts, I can’t really help it, I’m a story teller at heart. I use a lot of symbolic imagery, I pull a lot from religious imagery but also within fruit, flowers, personal objects… I think “what am I trying to say with this work” and kind of go from there with what I choose. Make your own personal symbolism language.

There’s like this certainty digital painting aesthetic I really enjoy by niche furry artist lol, many of them really nsfw so I don’t feel comfortable linking to them. It’s like…highly detailed well rendered pieces that they make with literally one brush that is often without any kind of pen pressure, just layering things with opacity. It’s crazy and yeah idk they’re definitely up there in inspo for me.

I really really care about fashion. Lolita was my first love in terms of clothing, and I pull a ton of inspiration from it, but also a lot of other street styles and runways stuff. I like drama and frills.

I play with my art and stories in a way that I don’t know how to describe other than childlike. It’s important for me to do so in my process, but basically, I let my imagination run wild, I talk to my characters, I listen to music and think about them. A lot of my bigger pieces take a lot of time of me thinking about them ahead a time, I draw in my head a lot. Sketchbooks are a huge help in this.

I thiiiiiink that’s all I have to say for now…I could probably list a million things but this feels like a good core to start with. I hope it’s not too vague, but I’m always good to keep answering stuff like this if you wanna know about one part in depth.

[buggiethedrag0n]

HAIIIII my new reference sheet 4 any1 who wants 2 draw meee :333

i have way more outfits than just these 2 but i dont have the energy 2 draw that much lololol

the raccoon tail patterns that go infront of my chest are fake hair extensions btw :)) i have a lotta different ones

ANYWAYYYYYY the rest of mah info under the cut :33 !!!!!!!

Full name: Bugthing (you don’t get to know my last name 😁)

Aliases: Bug, Creature — Buggie (FRIENDS/FAMILY ONLY)

Species: Concept Dragon (Fire, Type 3) / Angel (Type 4) hybrid

Planet of Origination: The Concept Universe / ‘The Void’

Age: I’m not telling you that. (OOC: usually it depends on which universe i throw him it but i typically characterise him as my age. which makes him a minor.)

Height: 8’9”

Gender: Biologically female; identifies as transmasculine & xenogender

Pronouns: He/Him/His, Xey/Xem/Xeirs/ It/Its/Itself, They/Them/Theirs — Blood/Bleed/Bloodself, Gore/Gory/Goreself (FRIENDS/FAMILY ONLY)

Sexuality: Solian, fictosexual, fictoromantic (i use the term aroace in conversations tho, its easier :3)

S/O: None. Technically. Unless you count my F/Os (that being Galacta Knight, Holly/THK, Moonjumper, and Shamura)

Family: Parents, brother, a number of cousins (and technically that one fankid i made for me n holly named Moggie but. They’re not canon.)

I’m an artist and fanfic author, and Nebbie’s assistant as a newly ascended Creator entity!!!!

Buddies with uhhhh God :))) (or Jesus ig but her name is Yk here. I call her Nebulis/Nebs/Nebbie tho. Bc we’re friends :3) (he uses all prns btw)

Bc of my fun powers and rights as Nebbie’s assistant creator I get to travel to whatever universes I feel like. Both to make sure everything’s going well and nobody’s broken the space time continuum and also to hang with my favs.

I like to call myself a Nice Boy(TM) but thats only really to my friends/family (not including my brother because I fucking hate him). I can get REALLY mean when I’m upset/if i don’t like you. But yeah I’m usually pretty ok!! Not the best person out there but at least I’m not a bigot lol. SPEAKING OF BIGOTS a lot of my very outward “”””cringe”””” behaviour is from me just being comfy in my own skin and pissing ableists off On Purpose bc I find it funny (it is).

I’ve lived in the Concept Universe/Void my whole life, but I tend to wander off to various universes both for My Duty(TM) and also I Like The Characters. I was first given the opportunity to leave the Void when I was abt 8 I think? My good buddy/auntcle figure Xephyr asked me and my brother if we wanted to check out what ppl were doing down there (with Nebs’ and our parents’ permission ofc), and we agreed. I’ve never been normal since (that’s a good thing though).

I don’t USUALLY do fighting stuff (unless I’m in like a COTL variation universe or something) but when I do I usually just use fire. I might be a pyromaniac. Which is concerning because I have fire magic and can easily commit arson. Yeag :)

Hex codes

(Not including the bracelets or hair extensions)

Body/both fits or smth:

#0E0E0E — Horns / Burns / Burnt feathers / Fit 1 base

#0400B4 — Iris

#D80000 — Tail tip

#FFB7A7 — Blood / Blush

#F8D7CF — Scars / Wing webbing

#EBE6E6 — Freckles

#FAFAFA — Skin

#FFFFFF — Teeth / Talons / Septum piercing gems / Glasses lenses

#F7FBFF — Sclera

#F2F2F2 — Hair / Feathers (the ones that AREN’T scorched)

#F9DEBF — Halo star / Light magic things 2

#F3B16D — Halo / Light magic things 1

#000000 — Nose / Septum piercing / Fishnets (alt fit) / Glasses frame

Usual fit:

#0F0F0F — Belt base

#910000 — Fit accents

#C40000 — Belt accents

#BEBEBE— Belt buckle

#3A2222 — Socks (ignore the fact that this isn’t in the ref image plsss)

Alt fit:

#161616 — Shirt base

#2E2E2E — Shorts 1

#464646 — Shorts 2

#CCCCCC — Belt buckles

#DFDFDF — Belt 1 studs / Chains / Choker & cuff spikes

#F3F3F3 — Shirt pattern 1 (anarchy symbol)

#81FF5A — Shirt pattern 2

#FF5AEC — Shirt pattern 3

#FA0000 — Cuff / Choker

Funny Rainbow Checker Belt (gets its own section bc SO MANY COLOURS):

#D70000 (red)

#D76D00 (orange)

#D79200 (orange-yellow)

#D7C000 (yellow)

#65D700 (yellow-green)

#00D73E (green)

#00D7BD (teal)

#009ED7 (light blue)

#0034D7 (dark blue)

#5300D7 (purple)

#7200D7 (purple-magenta)

#B600D7 (magenta)

#D700B7 (pink)

#D70065 (pink-red)

Socks (again, its own section bc too many colours):

#FF6690 (pastel red)

#FF9997 (pastel red-orange)

#FFB881 (pastel orange)

#FDFFA7 (pastel yellow)

#84BCFF (pastel blue

#9C84FF (pastel purple)

#A210FF (magenta)

(istg if you draw any nsfw of me ill devour you)>🐜

~bugmod

[pianocat939]

Celina, I had the most random thought about a yandere rottmnt isekai au.

I was rewatching some rottmnt earlier and I noticed how I barely commented on anything, aside from a smile and a small chuckle here and there. It got me thinking…

What if m/c was like that? What if m/c never really commented at all aside from a few chuckles and small comments sprinkled throughout an episode? Maybe they are a bit of an introvert too? How would yandere rottmnt turtles react to this?

I think they would go insane trying to find any information at all about m/c, and at first it isn’t even because of their yandere-ness! They just want to know who the heck is watching them!

I think that they may try to do things to make m/c speak, but they wouldn’t outright reveal themselves as able to hear m/c (let’s be real here, if you found out an entity beyond your realm was watching you, would you instantly let them know you are aware of them or would you at least try to make sure they are safe first?).

Soon, m/c’s voice becomes… addicting. The boys constantly crave m/c’s voice and comments, doing anything to know more about them and just hear them again! This is amped up if m/c gives them small compliments here and there… especially with Donnie and Leo… (The turtles would probably develop the belief that the only reason they can hear m/c and no one else from m/c’s realm is because m/c belongs in their realm…)

Then they try to break into m/c’s realm…

Donnie would most likely be able to connect with the tech first with his nimpo, then he would hack into any device near m/c. Cameras, laptops, phones, everything! It isn’t long before the turtles learn more about m/c than they would’ve ever known beforehand, maybe even more than m/c themself…

It isn’t long before Donnie hacks into m/c’s phone and establishes a connection between the turtles and m/c’s devices…

Poor m/c would have no idea who these random people who sound-er, text?- a lot like their favorite characters from ROTTMNT. I doubt the turtles would give themselves away immediately, they would most likely bide their time and gain more information on m/c (This could also be translated into your sentient AI thing you have going on).

They would only reveal themselves in person, once the portal is ready and they can take what rightfully belongs in their world. M/c wouldn’t have the chance to run before they are dragged away, kicking, screaming, and crying, out of their own reality…

“Why are you fighting us, dear? Don’t you love us? Our reality is- No, stop fighting us- our reality is much better than this bitter and cold world, you won’t have to worry about anything ever again!”

(Bonus if Donnie hacks into m/c’s friends and families phones so Dr. Delicate Touch can have a few words with them…)

(I’m sorry, It’s almost midnight for me and I HAD to share this idea with someone :,/)

Me at 3 AM 3 hours later-

Someone send help I cried because of an angst story but now I'm dehydrated but I'm too scared to go get liquid bcs I'm pretty sure someone is on the couch and I'm far too paranoid for that shit-

Tw: Raph gets a little- too dependent on MC speaking, Mikey glorifies his position, mentions of manipulation + anxiety

First of all, delicious idea you got here- as always I'll just add a little tidbit.

Imagine occasionally they accidentally whisper or mumble when they hear you speak in the rare moments that you do. Like with me, I either talk to myself about somewhat off-topic things or just say the most basic compliments that are more or less for my self-indulgence in expressing my true feelings. (We'll go with compliment bcs that makes more sense in terms of yan development)

"Donnie is so skrunkly when he's feral I love it-"

*Donnie who was just having a typical "who's better" debate with Leo* "Oh won't you look at that...I'm loved even in times of undomesticated behaviours~" *he's very smug, and definitely is bouncing with joy internally*

I think for the most part Donnie, Leo, and Raph react pretty similarly. They kinda just have an odd pull to the weird ass voice they occasionally hear sometimes, wanting to find out more about it. So they can cling to it as emotional support.

But Mikey?

He is legit going to think he's some prophet of this mysterious voice which he believes is a superior being. Like even the smallest comment will literally make him whisper to himself- "Oh my divinity, I am a follower of your every word.." Wouldn't be surprised if he has heart eyes istg-

But if his bros say they can hear it too, he will literally be so pissed. He'll accuse they're lying and basically manipulating him into thinking he's not special. I wouldn't be surprised if he busts out Dr. Delicate Touch to start accusing them of any crime that fits with the situation. And in the end, he'll always conclude with "I'm the only one who gets to be the chosen one of my divinity~ so stop lying alright?"

Also there's one thing I want to point out with Raph, I feel he would get attached to the voice so bad over time that he either A. cannot make any rational decisions without it or B. he gets super anxious if he doesn't hear it in his head 24/7. I feel he would nickname it like, "my secret voice" or "my mind plushie".

Leo and Donnie definitely fight the most about the voice, but they also plan together the most when it comes to finding out more about the owner of the voice. But their intentions with each other are never mentioned.

(this was such a half-assed rant but surely it should be a little insight on my thoughts).

[force0fchaos]

Last yap session of the day but while I’m at it, i wanna share my kanade headcanons!!

Unrelated opinions paragraph here, scroll to the red title to get to the actual hc’s

Headcanons are a tough thing for me in the pjsk fandom because sometimes I see people get a little lost in the sauce and use ‘hc’ when what they really mean is ‘au’ or ‘thing I want to happen/wish happened.’ In addition, many hcs I’ve seen tend towards being reductive in my opinion, or not necessarily accurate to the way I see the character. This is fine with me! I love fandom discourse (as long as everyone stays respectful). Everything is a matter of opinion, and as someone who prefers to stay near the canon-accurate side of things (unless I am making an au, see: evil nightcord) not everything will be for me. All that is to say, these takes might not be super daring. I’ve thought a lot before coming to my own conclusions about my favorite characters, and feel a strong need to sufficiently explain and support my takes with evidence and elaboration. But I do hope they’re fun to read nonetheless, and I’d love to hear other people’s opinions as well as their own hcs in the reblogs, contradictory or otherwise!

KANADE HEADCANONS (in order from least to most elaboration)

1) kanade has albinism :D she inherited it from her mom, and it’s (part of) why the sun is especially rough on her

2) kanade is terrible at stem, especially math. She seriously struggles doing operations in her head, she has good spacial awareness but can’t grasp conceptual stuff. When she was younger her parents considered getting her a tutor, but since she’s going into music anyway she just took the bare minimum math classes and moved on

3) (this is a little contrary to canon but) kanade DOES have some semblance of a hair routine (bc how else is it not all matted by now). When she was younger, her mom liked to dress her up and would braid her hair before bed, so kanade always brushes and braids her hair whenever she goes to sleep properly instead of passing out. She will neglect her own needs for the purposes of composing, but her hair feels more like her mom’s than hers, so she makes sure to take good care of it.

4) kanade is the rectangle body type. I only feel the need to say this myself because pjsk has such little variation between their character models, and you really have to look hard to discern their features from one another, but I do think it’s fairly obvious for kanade in particular. Part of it is her lack of healthy eating habits, but I always picture Kanade to be relatively flat with a boxy torso and a round face

5) kanade is demiromantic & ace! (This one is just for me) but I like to imagine her wondering at some point why she doesn’t have crushes on anyone while in junior high school, but all of those thoughts get pushed aside and mostly forgotten after her dad collapsed because ‘I don’t have time for that, I need to make music.’ In terms of other orientation, I imagine kanade to be pan as I don’t think she would have much of a preference as long as she knows the person well. And I can’t honestly picture her going out of her way to use pronouns other than ‘she/her,’ at least in the context of canon.

(Now for the more major/stretching canon hcs)

6) kanade has a chronic illness, which is a major cause of her general fatigue. Yes I know it’s canonically because she doesn’t eat enough or go outside but I think that’s part of why she doesn’t know about it: she rarely engages in physical activity, so she chalks up fatigue to lack of practice, not realizing her fatigue is abnormal. I also think it makes sense for her because her parents both have histories of underlying conditions. Not that pjsk gives us anything to work with, but we know her mom passed away of an illness, and her dad suffered a stroke due to stress; one so major that it could only have been caused by an underlying condition. Running on the assumption that she would have inherited her condition from her mother, I’m sure this would be a subject that would, at least, be on Kanade’s mind. I can’t imagine when she was younger that she would be able to understand her mother’s condition in its entirety. But I can easily imagine as Kanade grows older and puts herself out there more, her having to confront that she may be sick. She would admit her concerns to her grandmother once she realizes she can’t deny it anymore, and her grandmother would confess that she had feared this all along; that it was the same condition her mother suffered from. It’s a compelling concept to me, and one I definitely want to fanfic in the future…

Last but not least, the one you’ve been waiting for:

7) kanade has autism. This one is also tough because project sekai gives us nothing but my CANON evidence is: she eats the same thing every day (not just out of convenience because she also orders noodles when she goes out to eat), wears the same thing every day (verified in a 1koma that she has several of the same outfit, and possibly pointing to sensory issues), focuses on composing for such long stretches that she forgets to eat and take care of herself, and ofc, special interest. I also like to think that kanade is hyper-empathetic, doing things in her childhood like: “I have to spend the same amount of time with all my stuffed animals so none of them feel left out”. Not having the words (much less the diagnosis) to explain some of her behaviors, when she goes nonverbal with niigo she will use the chat function and say something like ‘my voice hurts,’ or more often skip out on the call saying she needs to focus for a while (because when she’s stressed enough to be nonverbal, she’s also going to fall back into the mindset of needing to work herself to death composing). She stimmed a lot when she was younger but (as many do) learned to mask it as she got older. It still manifests in her drumming her fingers on her desk, bouncing her knees, etc. when working at home, and a lot of the time vocally in the form of singing. Her house has always been musical, so this was never a problem. But whenever honami hears her doing this (as it’s often without her realizing it) she gets very embarrassed, so honami pretends not to hear it so that Kanade will do it more.

[radios-universe]

how come you like heartstopper and not romance? is it that you like the idea of romance but not the real thing? did you say romance as in you just don't like being involved in it yourself?

i have no idea what post this might be referring to or maybe just in general but i probably have talked about this so here we go!

fun ask to get tbh i Do talk about this a lot

short answer: you’re right, i enjoy consuming romance media (especially queer media) because i love the idea of romance…. however, when i personally have gotten too close to it in the past, i just freak out.

no matter how much i think i want it, my brain and my body just shut down when i get too close… and then the aftermath of that can feel pretty shit! bc usually i’m just annoyed at myself in some weird way, as if i didn’t just experience the same thing as i did last time, and the time before….

LONGER answer:

in terms of heartstopper, of course there are aro/ace characters represented (i mean, come on, duh, even alice themself) but we all know it’s a very romance centric show/comic

i’ve never been able to define if it’s just… a sense of identity within the characters or just generally being happy for them or…. a whole mix of emotions but!

seeing characters im emotionally attached and invested in get together and be happy is like!!!! drugs!!! idk!!!! and probably the closest thing i’ll get to experiencing that with… another person which seems like a very odd thing to say!!!

but that kind of excitement is something i guess i could never feel with a relationship of my own so… living vicariously through characters like the ones in heartstopper actually really helps me with aromanticism? it’s odd! and that def doesn’t go for everyone but it’s at least what happens for me

to expand on the queer media comment too, i’ll consume queer media that even might not represent aro/ace people at all! and still feel that same fulfilment!

if you take a story about a character realising they’re gay, people will focus on them realising they feel attraction for the same sex. i mean, that’s what it is at face value.

but an equally important part of the representation for gay characters is the realisation that they are not attracted to the opposite sex. and THAT i can relate to.

when representation for aro/ace people is this sparse, you get pretty used to finding representation in people you don’t really expect to. and that’s also what heartstopper does for me, while it fulfils my desire for romance through me living vicariously, it also represents me, not just in its aro/ace characters, but in every queer journey! because there’s always a sneaky hint of aro/ace representation anywhere as long as we can do something about it! hah

[our-aroace-experience]

Recently ive been coming to understand myself as aromantic, which is so interesting because I’ve thought of myself as a lesbian for so long. I think i feel some sort of alterous/sensual/other attraction to women that im still figuring out, but now that i see myself as aromantic i dont feel the need for labels as much as i used to. Its both funny and sad that I didn’t know this word for my feelings for so long, it really would have kept me front going through a lot of grief if I had an explanation, and I’m sure the same can be said for a number of people.

Some things I remembered recently that should have really tipped me off to being aromantic when I first discovered the term years ago:

- hearing a rumor that my middle school bf might want to kiss me, causing me to run screaming and start crying in the bathroom. all the girls in my class followed me to the bathroom to make sure i was okay and my teacher freaked lol

- I almost never have nightmares, and when I do I’m never spooked by them. But I’ve had several where someone confessed their feelings for me and I begrudgingly accepted their advances because I felt bad for them and didn’t want to hurt their feelings. Everytime I woke up from these dreams I felt really anxious and nervous and would avoid the person I dreamt about until I felt better.

- actually started considering I was aro years ago! But then my (very misguided) friend told me that wasn’t possible and that I liked [name of ex gf]. I took them at their word bc im a fool lol and we dated for 10 months !

- getting frustrated when my friends had dating drama with each other, especially when it was unrequited. I can recall saying often that they should just be happy to have the other person in their life at all.

- hating most romance in movies/tv. That could be because it is often poorly written or is could be me being romance repulsed who knows lol

- the first thing that really tipped me off to being aro was that I really don’t see the hype about Zendaya and literally everyone does 💀 except me apparently

i’m glad you’ve figured it out, even if it took a lot of signs lol. i wish you luck in finding a label for your other attraction if you decide you’d like to!