#I don't know if I'm making sense... my period is sabotaging me...

[ghoulish-activities]

You know how pets are often scared of things like vacuum cleaners and stuff? Do you think ghouls would also have fears like that?

Just imagine a ghoul, demonic creature from hell, terrified of new furniture.

For example: Dewdrop just hitting this pose,

because someone bought a new couch.

Or Alpha who was at first absolutely terrified of cars

Mountain cowering in the corner because of vacuum cleaner

Aurora being fearful of stairs after summoning

Chain refusing to get out from behind the curtain because of hairdryer being used nearby

Phantom who's too frightened to get out from underneath the couch because of thunderstorm outside

Big intimidating Omega scared of children

[un-fwuit-un-fwog]

Sometimes, crying is the strong thing.

Part eight of The Rain series

Synopsis: Jamil and Kamil visit The Prefect in the infirmary after Ramchackle's collapse.

TW: Kalim is ooc(? (Personally I think it's just a side of his character we haven't seen), the usual for this series ig

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8 (here), Part 9, Part 10 (coming soon), . . .

After Idia's visit, you were given another period of rest. The reason was given as not wanting to make you too exhausted with too many consecutive visits in a short period of time.

Your first visitor after your rest period was Jamil.

You didn't even notice him enter. You were only alerted to his presence when the savory scent of a homecooked meal wafted into your nose.

You tilted your head to look at him and were met with the boy's ever-stoic expression. "I know you like that one dish I make, so I crafted up a version of it that would be easier to digest and not too rough on your stomach." He set the insulated bag on your nightstand as he spoke.

You had been given longer to recover than last time, so by now your throat was doing much better. It wasn't in tip-top shape, but it was better: good enough for you to have simple conversations. "Thank you, Jamil." your voice was raspy from misuse and hardly recognizable as your own.

"There's no need to thank me. It was a simple task." Jamil brushes off your thanks and takes a seat in the chair next to your bed. "Kalim will be coming tomorrow, although, I'm sure you've already been informed."

You nod softly at his words. "I was surprised to see his visit listed as after yours."

Jamil's mouth forms a firm line: "Yes, well, this isn't a scenario I was willing to put myself after him in."

His words were spoken in his usual, nonchalant tone, but the significance of them wasn't lost on you. "I'm proud." you smile.

Jamil simply scoffs before taking the bag off your nightstand and pulling out a thermos. "I heard you can't eat on your own at the moment." he explains as he opens the container and pulls a spoon from the bag. He shifts to take a comfortable position next to you on the bed, being sure to be hyper aware of all of your injuries as he does.

He spends most of his visit feeding you and explaining to you the situation with Ramshackle (only after he made sure you were up to hearing it, of course). After the incident, Kalim had demanded a team be brought in to check the remains of the building for any sign of sabotage. He was worried that after the VDC, someone who may have had it out for him had heard of his stay there and his friendship with you and shifted their target to you. The scene was certainly compromised from the initial rain and the use of Leona's unique magic, but there was still plenty to investigate. The moment the team Kalim hired showed up a barrier was put over the scene to prevent any further damage (a spell all the teachers made sure to learn from them (the rescue would have been easier on everyone (especially you) after all if the rain hadn't been a factor.)) No foul play was found in the typical sense. However, there were many 'repairs' that bordered on malice with how poorly they were done. That and the multitude of complaint letters found in the Headmage's office, proving he was aware of the dire state Ramshackle dorm was in, were used as evidence for his arrest.

There's a moment of silence as Jamil packs the thermos and spoon back into the bag before he speaks: "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Many of those letters to the Headmage were from me. I saw the state the dorm was in during the VDC, but I took no action to help you further than simply sending in letters. I'm supposed to be a guard trained for disaster, yet I failed to protect you from one that I so clearly saw coming."

"Jamil-"

"No. Don't. I know what you're thinking. I-. . .I just wanted to get that off my chest." With those words, he abruptly takes your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, and leaves.

He was right. He was trained to be a guard capable of handling any disaster that came his way. He was trained to keep his demeanor calm so as not to cause any extra stress to a victim. He performed his job beautifully in that aspect.

However, the twitch of his eyes as he left so abruptly and the soft choked sounds coming from the other side of the door didn't escape you.

"I hope you know just how warm your food was. How much it made me feel loved." you mumble. Whether or not your words reach him through the door, you're unsure.

Kalim was indeed next; however unrecognizable he was.

His face lacked its usual cheery charm and was instead overtaken by a seriousness you'd never see in him before.

He walked in and stood next to your bed, examining you. Without a word, he sat a small, safe distance from you on the bed.

Just as you were about to speak, he broke the silence: "My family is covering the legal fees that will come with the court case following Dire Crowley's arrest. I'll make sure you get the justice you deserve."

He spoke so coldly that you had to do a double take to make sure this was really Kalim. You knew that he was touchy on the subject of poison: having had people make attempts on his life in that manner before. You also knew that he was the one who ordered the investigation that got Crowley arrested in the first place, but you hadn't expected this change in demeanor.

"You may think I'm going overboard," he mutters "but as far as I'm concerned, his negligence might as well equate to an attempt on your life. Those deserve to be taken seriously."

His expression is cold, so much so it gives you chills. "Kalim." you whisper.

He cuts you off. "I want to." It's like he read your mind.

He gently brushes your hair out of your face and kisses your forehead. Taking one of your hands in his, he rubs gentle circles on it with his thumb. "Rest." he mumbles.

You can tell that his eyes have begun to water. "Rest with me?"

He's hesitant, but he lays down, keeping his careful distance while still holding your hand. The moment his head hits the pillow he's out like a light. You can only imagine how little sleep he's been getting.

As the tears dribble down his sleeping face, you gently reach out to swipe them away.

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[byuno-o]

RANDOM ASTRO OBSERVATIONS I'VE OBSERVED.

NOTE: THESE ARE BASED ON PERSONAL ANECDOTES; HENCE, MIGHT NOT BE APPLICABLE FOR EVERYONE

Pisces and Sagittarius people are not always lucky as they say. They go through the most problematic, heart-shattering events which test their ability to remain optimistic. It's like Jupiter makes them go through tough times before bestowing them with good luck.

However, for Sag and pisces rising, things are different. Jupiter might actually bestow them with good luck for a long period of time, only for them to go through tough times later. (Seen it with my own eyes.)

Capricorn sun and moon people are as social as Gemini and Libra can be. It's like they actively look for company so they don't end up with their thoughts alone.

Aries men--the unevolved ones, are overbearing to a fault. Sometimes when they try to help, they actually come off as assholes and just plain rude.

Leo moons are actually pretty shy and introverted. It's only after a few meetings do they get comfortable.

While I've read that Aquarius people are aloof and detached, that might not always be the case. I have seven friends with Aquarius sun, moon, mercury, rising and venus, and they are the most clingy people I've ever met. Some even ended up sabotaging their relationships and friendships because of their clinginess.

However, being the sister sign of Leo, they have to go through this phase in order to see the bigger picture and see humanity as a whole and not just one person. It's only after losing people do they realise their purpose, which is standing out and set trends.

I think the intuition and spiritual senses of fire signs are often overlooked. They are often guided by their intuitions, especially Leo.

I might be biased on this but, I have always share the same kind of humour with people with the same sun sign as me which is sag. Tell me if you relate. :)

Do not underestimate gemini when it comes to holding grudges. They remember everything and will hurt you where it hurts the most.

While, I'm at it, I think cancer's sharp tongue does not get much appreciation. The ones I've met either hit you with the hurtful words right onto your face with a smile, or they say hurtful things behind your back. The influence they can have on people is something I really admire.

Scorpio moons are more mature than scorpio suns. Idk, I just never met a mature scorpio sun but I have two friends with scorpio moon who are wise beyond their years.

Libra women, for some reason, lack confidence when it comes to their creativity, and face problems putting their art out. it's just something I've noticed since some women I know (who are libras) never tell their ideas to anyone out loud.

Nonetheless, their allure can only be rivalled by a Taurus or a Leo.

That is it for today. do let me know what you think about my observations. Let's have a discussion.

[adventremnant]

Hi, I hope you're doing well :p

If I'm not saying non-sense you said previously you have DID, if you're okay to answer, how do you handle it on the ED-side but also in daily life? Especially while you studied, got a degree/diploma etc

I'm actually struggling with dissociation, amnesia and part stuff, and if on the side of ED it's scaring of what could I do because I'm not in the same "mindset" as before such as fasting for days or binge or anything, studying is worse. I sometime can't study at all for hours for the reason I forget it or just having a flash crisis or not interested at this moment or any reason and still need to. It's so frustrating to not remember anything of this course, or just knowing I could in fact study but can't physically?

Advice would be really appreciated but don't feel pressured to answer, especially since it's not the main theme of your account

Have a good day anyway!!

I was diagnosed with DID when I was 18, about a year after I moved out of my family home. Prior to that, a therapist thought I was bipolar or had BPD and that explained my mood changes, and that my periods of forgetfulness were from ADHD.

It's been a slower road to figuring out that yes, I do have ADHD and autism, but I also have CPTSD and DID, as well as ASPD and OCD likely as a result of the others never being properly treated in childhood.

I personally have done a lot of integrative work (that is, breaking down of dissociative barriers) in the years since we figured out what was going on, which helps a lot to not interrupt the greater life in general. Everybody isn't on the exact same page but at least we're all reading the same book most of the time. There are different interests and priorities and emotions (most of our true amnesia now is emotional) but too much of "what am i supposed to be doing right now" or "what do we do at work".

You may need a PTSD or DID specialist to help with that process - regular trauma therapists usually don't know what they're talking about. For us, personally, being out of the abusive environment was enough for the brain to slowly let down walls, and we also did DBT.

It can also be really helpful to make notes and lists. We have a personal system discord server where we write down things that need to be remembered or things like what groceries are in the house and what recipe we were making with them. We also use that for communicating between alters over longer periods of time, like passing notes.

Over the years we've also learned how to structure things in the system to keep things as stable as possible. Some alters aren't suited to certain tasks, to work, to talking to certain people, so we avoid triggering them out and try to keep strong, stable fronters around.

I actually didn't have too much trouble in school, having picked a field of study most of us were interested enough in to keep up with and already knew enough about to not need to start from square one, though i did have to repeat a couple of classes over the summer my sophomore year because I was suddenly being slightly stalked by the family member who caused our original trauma and that caused me to split majorly and become a bit agoraphobic for a semester.

To answer your question about the ED, we've had it for so long it's been baked into major alter "clusters" and enough of the idea of who we were prior to knowing we were a system that even with switches, the most you'll get is maybe an alter who doesn't care enough to participate, but won't sabotage the ones who do or tell on them. We did have issues in the past with the alter who started the ED getting majorly upset at others who wouldn't participate, but he's chilled out a lot now.

Medication also helps! I take a moderate dose of anticonvulsants that are approved for use in PTSD - that has gotten rid of my nightmares and acts as a mood stabilizer. I also take a beta blocker for POTS which helps my body further feel regulated. When you're not being constantly overstimulated and freaked out, it's much easier to stabilize the system.

Long story short, for your situation, and assuming what you're experiencing is dissociative, structural amnesia rather than severe ADHD, I would recommend trying to figure out triggers! If you can identify a way to keep a stronger, motivated host around as much as possible, that can help a lot in locking in for work or studying purposes.

Let me know if you have other questions!

[alex-turners-world]

Alex looks like a ghost of who he once was, it's so sad to see him looking so drained of life especially in his eyes. After seeing Taylor's live it seems apparent now that they had issues brewing in their relationship for awhile before splitting, although there genuinely did seem to be love for one another. I think about that interview with the journalist who asked Alex what he thought of Taylor's fights with the fans; I wonder if he was aware of it and the extent. I could imagine that being confronted with it was humiliating for him and possibly feeling a sense of betrayal, particularly if he wasn't aware. Now, imagine meeting someone like Pauline where you 'think' you've met someone with common interests and perhaps made a genuine connection with only to discover the person you thought you met isn't 'real'. Personally, I think Alex feels remorseful about the cheating, I don't think it was something he was proud of as evidenced in his lyrics and behaviour for example shaving his hair off time period. Whilst Alex certainly has his flaws and made some questionable choices I still think there is a decent and kind person underneath. In regards to Alex's present relationship you could say he made his bed...However, I personally think he's dealing with a slightly deranged individual. I mean none of us know the depths Pauline went to get into his circle in order for their first meeting to have happened but what we do know about her is that she was highly obsessive about him and some of his previous relationships most noticeably Alexa. She's displayed stalker-ish behaviour and as we've all witnessed 'cosplaying' of previous girlfriends again, Alexa evidently being the favourite. We've seen how over time she has made multiple attempts to recreate a new 'identity', being caught out in her lies and manipulation of the truth via her own media. Even before the affair came to the fans attention she was already hinting and teasing about her hooks up with Alex infact, I think it was through her social media activity that fans where able to join the dots to the cheating as well as through Taylors. Pauline has displayed since the beginning a complete lack of respect and remorse towards Taylor even going so far to cosplay her too!! At some point Alex must've seen the 'real' Pauline, perhaps earlier than later but what could he do?! Such a big mess was made. Maybe he wanted to make the best out of a bad situation, try give the mistress and him a real go so it wasn't all for nothing. Clearly, this has led to the 'situationship' we know today. Alex has the upper hand in more ways than one; He makes decisions - she follows, He has the money - she doesn't, What he says/gives goes - she settles for what she can get. Anything to please him enough that she can keep him and this lifestyle from slipping through her fingers. Alex is being used. So is Pauline but for different reasons. Neither are happy, it's plain to see but still Pauline wants it all. I'm of the opinion that getting out of this 'situationship' is not so black and white. I have at times thought to myself, perhaps Alex thinks he deserves this; That it could be a way of self sabotaging. It can be debated that Alex doesn't think highly of himself and is deeply insecure (The Bourne Identity) Also, I think Paulines behaviour could be unpredictable and potentially damaging to Alex's reputation. I could imagine she has not seen or received the best of him as a person at times. It wouldn't surprise me if she's quite the manipulator, we already know she's a liar! I do hope if it is something that Alex wants for himself that they will be able to part ways with minimal chaos as possible (unlikely). A separation for them at least seems imminent and even Pauline can't disguise that as hard as she tries. Just my two cents anyways, apologies for rambling on! X

Very well said! I must say it's all very sad

[beautifulpersonpeach]

A Rant.

A lot of you have sent me asks about how JK's solo promotions isn't the same as Jimin's and other BTS members, about JK's rumoured all-English album, about BTS doing payola (you can read my views 4th paragraph from the bottom), about how HYBE has apparently destroyed the BTS OT7 agenda...

I don't want to answer y'all for two reasons:

Perhaps some of you are newer followers, but I can only repeat myself so many times. Don't you get bored of hearing me say the same thing over and over again? /gen

I don't share the apprehension, worry, or appetite for speculation and theorizing that I'm seeing from many people on Tumblr and Twitter.

It's very possible I'm the one in La La Land and you all have good reason to be concerned. But the way I see it, a lot of hysteria is being driven by two things: (1) a very myopic pov, as though the time between June 2022 and December 2025 is the most defining period of BTS's solo careers, as though this is the best and only time for any member to make a move, leave their mark, and thrive. And that BTS/BigHit is working on the same timeline.

(2) All these conversations are being driven by people who have brought that toxic hyper-competitive feature of k-pop, inwards, into the group, and now see the members as direct competition in the narrowest and most reductive sense possible.

And I just don't relate.

I don't feel sad for Hobi on how his solo roll-out was 'sabotaged' relative to Jimin's, I don't feel angry for Joon on how his roll-out compared to JK's, I don't feel confused at JK possibly having a full English album, if anything I'm even more excited by how he's pushing himself and I think it suits him given his pronunciation is one of the best in BTS. I know he'll be more involved than with Seven given how long he's been working on his album, I just hope he doesn't sacrifice depth in his artistic and lyrical expression for a shallow, wider reach.

In my very honest opinion.

When BTS talk about wanting to be together for a really really long time, I wonder if people have sat down to really think about what that looks like. Because maybe it's just me, but I don't think it makes sense for a company/group that has operated like BigHit/BTS, to shove their grandest plans for seven individuals into a ~3 year window. Right now, it's JK getting the push, he's been very vocal and consistent about his solo ambitions for the last 4 years, and I'm glad he's getting this shot.

Also,

While I feel BigHit has become bloated and inefficient, the boys are still capable handling their affairs and I feel very comfortable not having all the answers for a business and career that isn't mine.

I have my opinions about how things could be done differently, and I think if people want to voice their dissatisfaction to the company that's obviously fine, but I don't feel sadness, anger, or pity for any of the guys in BTS in Chapter 2. Not for my biases, not for Jungkook, and certainly not for Jimin. And it's getting tedious repeating my unpopular sanctimonious opinions to people who have already made up their minds and really ought to be more honest with themselves.

Speaking of Jimin, it continues to amuse me how the top group of people who just do nawt rate this man, is his solos. It's like dejavu for the discourse around OSTs circa 2018 - 2021 all over again. PJMs complaining about how BigHit was holding him back from doing OSTs, just for Jimin to say he wasn't interested at the time. Or how in 2022 people were fretting in my inbox about how only Jimin hadn't done any solo work/promotions yet and I would put out gentle reminders about how he operates and his tendency to leapfrog the rest when he's ready, then we started getting the producer pics.

Jimin has always been a 'bigger picture' kind of guy so how can anyone blame me for not taking this latest outcry seriously when that man continues to do what he's always done: work in silence, and wow with the result.

(Does anyone really think a man with no plans would be airborne every 2 weeks, and that a company with no desire to market him would be paying for and managing those plans?)

Not to be dismissive of people who wanted a stronger American push for Jimin's debut, while I agree he would've benefitted from a more targeted push, I genuinely think Jimin has always been better suited for Europe anyway.

I mean, look at him.

*

Anon from yesterday said they envisioned Jungkook doing a song/video like Troye Sivan's Rush... I didn't comment on it yesterday, but Anon, personally, I've never seen Jungkook as capable of making a song like that. Jungkook will never make anything like that. The only person in BTS who has the range for that sort of provocation and subtext, is Jimin. And the market that will fully embrace that sort of art isn't America, it's Europe. In my opinion.

We'll see what his plans are.

Anyway, I'm not sure how more tactfully I can say this, but my blog isn't the place to be if you feel some type of way about seeing Jungkook succeed like this relative to your bias, if you think his promotion and success is at the expense of your bias, and so on. It's not even that I care about some vague OT7 ideal, it's that while I understand the anger and heightened emotions a lot of you feel, I just cannot relate to it. And it won't be enjoyable for either of us if you come to me with asks about it because we think very differently about the group and our relation to BTS.

You can mark this post to revisit in 6 months so we can compare notes.

[sem-nocao-tx]

Some spoilers ;3

Zach- shit! I knew there was someone there! And it had to be that incher Kratt!

Chris- do you know him?

Zach- of course I know, he and his team are always sabotaging my projects!

Chris- and why the fuck didn't you tell us he was here?!

The boy approached the inventor with an angry, with arrogant look on his face, as if he were threatening him. He tried to get his own back by raising his arms and returning his gaze angrily.

Zach- and I was going to find out?! Donita insisted it was just squirrels!

Donita- blaming others for the mess you make or don't make, I didn't expect anything else from you.

The stylist arrived at the scene with a serious look on her face and no patience, it wasn't the first time the three of them had argued and it was far from the last.

Chris- it doesn't matter whose fault it was, what matters is that he invaded our base, and he may well do it again!

?- finally someone with a bit of sense...

A female voice was heard by everyone, everyone recognized that voice and knew that she was in charge of everything there.

Madona- that's why I'm proud of you Chris, you're the only one who seems to use your head in the right way.

The boy looked at the elegant woman with straight gray hair, combed into a braid that fell over part of her right breast. She was wearing a black overcoat with rolled-up sleeves and a red collared, long-sleeved blouse, tight black pants and black leather boots, along with some large dangling gold earrings. But what was most striking were his red eyes due to the contact lenses and his proud, firm smile.

The boy bowed his head in respect, as if the woman had great authority over everyone there. Donita and Zach also remained silent, listening to what she had to say, she was the boss, she was in charge, as much as they hated the idea, Chris being the only one who agreed with it and respected her above all.

Madona- So we have an intruder, have you been able to identify him?

Zach- yes, it was Martin Kratt, I think you know him already

Madona- Aviva's guinea pig? I thought she was off our radar.

Chris- he seemed to be wearing something like my animal costume, I saw him turn into a jaguar in front of me!

Madona- *slight chuckle* I shouldn't be surprised...

Chris- What do you mean?

Zach looked at the woman and sighed deeply, seeing that this mess was far from being resolved.

Zach - Madona, Aviva and I were college classmates, it was during this period that she started making the animal costumes.

Madona- as much as she made the costumes, I perfected them, your costume is much more advanced than hers.

Chris- so you're saying that he has the same advantage that I do?

The suit was Chris's greatest security in combat, he was never very good at hand-to-hand combat and hated using firearms. When he learned that someone had the same power as him, his world shattered in his hands.

Madona- no, only you have the advantage, because you're better.

She approached him with a firm gaze and a broad smile on her face, with certainty in her words. She put her hands on his cheeks, making him look her in the eye. She had a hypnotic effect on him, even with his anxiety, she knew how to put his head back on straight.

Madona- it doesn't matter if he has the same power as you, I want you to show him who's better, because you're stronger. Even if you have to kill him to prove it.

Chris hated the idea of killing people. As much as he wanted to defend Madona's base and projects, he still didn't accept the idea of killing people, but he did agree with the idea of annihilating his enemies.

Chris- Yes, ma'am.

[edennill-archived]

@eri-pl

So, you asked me about my interpretation of Varda on Ao3, and I actually wanted to reply in an ask, but decided maybe it's better to have it here. At the same time, I'm afraid... I do have a fairly strong idea of her, but it's mostly focused on the early days of Arda, and maybe a little nebulous (and perhaps doesn't really add anything to what I've already said). Still:

One of the most specific headcanons that influence the way I see her is that, well, she was the fourth being in existence, thus had by necessity been fairly close with Melkor before he went bad, and consequently she has a very keen sense of betrayal later on. I think the few who came directly 'after' (...I have no idea what time before time even is, but never mind) were some of the Ainur who did not enter Eä, and so, the Valar who came next (probably Ulmo, Namo, Yavanna and Vairë, in some order) did not necessarily have this experience, and certainly not to such extent. This later period would have also been the time during which Melkor started really disappearing into "the Void where he once walked alone"... and from some point on he was hiding a lot of wrath and resentment whenever he returned among the others — so ultimately, I think a lot of the Ainur actually only came to really know him when he started disrupting the Music. Which. makes for a very different sort of disappointment than Varda's.

The second thing (and I'm sorry for always circling back to Morgoth here, though on the other hand you find him interesting so maybe you won't mind), is that well, canonically she's the person he fears the most. Now, she's not actually more powerful than Manwë, but her power is more... focused, I'd say, if you know what I mean (I don't entirely lolll). And since he usually hates in proportion to fearing, she often bears the burnt of his sabotage efforts in those early days, which again, leads to a lot of anger on her side.

...You might think it strange how much I focus on anger for someone who's among the morally purest characters in the Legendarium, and well, I'd call it righteous wrath in her case, but your mileage may vary. Certainly, it's not only (or even mostly) that she's disturbed by his wrongs towards her in particular, but she's not allowed to forget by the circumstances.

On the other hand, I don't particularly like the theory that she rejected him romantically, I think it's reading too much into a phrase that's very ambiguous and likely wasn't intended to mean this, given Tolkien's track record with similar phrasings.

But yes, she's this kind of dichotomy in which... on the one hand, she's beauty, she's art, she's gentle... but stars burn, and she can be sharp at other junctions. Sorry, I keep using words in some weird abstract sense, I might not be able to explain it better.

She would have — in time — forgiven Melkor if he had ever given her reason to think that he regretted his actions rather than the fact that he lost the war, which he never really did. There was nothing especially damning in whatever he said in hearing after his release, but none of it was reassuring either, and I think she believed the knowledge of his defeat would keep him from acting up, but nothing much more conclusive.

[karizard-ao3]

Evangelion college au?

Okay, let me think about this. I feel like I haven't gotten myself fully immersed enough in NGE to be really confident in my answer here (gotta watch it again), but I'm going to say:

Shinji goes to college on a music scholarship for his cello playing. He is not passionate about playing the cello but he couldn't have paid for college without it, so that's what he does.

Kaworu is either studying philosophy or poetry, I feel like, and he would be the first person Shinji meets. Will they hook up? Probably. But there will have to be some kind of a moment where Kaworu gets removed from the equation, like in the anime. Maybe he and Shinji do something that can get them expelled and Kaworu is like, "place all the blame on me," and even though Shinji does not want to, he still does it because of his sense of self preservation. Also, I feel like Kaworu makes him feel like a prince at first, but then he starts getting skeeved out by his love/devotion. Shinji hates himself and can't accept Kaworu's unconditional adoration. Also, I feel like Kaworu is somewhat insincere and manipulative. They'd have a very toxically codependent sexual friendship, I think. Maybe Shinji starts getting romantically interested in Asuka and Kaworu starts sabotaging him. I don't know!

Rei would probably be in the sciences. Her dream is to develop organ cloning or something. She is suicidal and says very weird things. Kaworu is kind of obsessed with her because of it and Shinji is very worried about her. I want her and Shinji to be cousins, but in that awkward "I know we're related but I think they're hot" way. Like, they didn't grow up together and this is their first time spending any appreciable time together so they don't really think of themselves as relatives. I feel like this dynamic suits their vibe in the anime. They would not act on any attraction, it would just make Shinji feel even worse about himself because it's there (honestly, I feel like for him, at least, it would be a kind of intrusive thought situation. Like, he's noticing she's cute exactly because it makes him feel bad about himself). Also, maybe Rei is having a secret affair with Gendo, who is a professor at the college? She'd be related to Shinji through Yui, so not blood related to Gendo, and we know he loves screwing young scientists (god, this is so gross to me but I feel like it would be good for the plot. Rei reminds him of his dead wife and she is just doing all kinds of shit just to feel something, even if it's disgust). He could be juggling her and Ritsuko, who is her advisor. Why not? That could also add an extra layer to Rei's dynamic with Shinji and also create some drama down the line. Maybe that's the catalyst to Rei actually making a suicide attempt, and then Shinji finds her and encourages her to live.

I'll end with Asuka, who is probably a jock. Can you go to college on a field hockey scholarship? She probably does roller derby, too. For some reason, I feel like she grew up in a trailer park and feels like she has something to prove going to this ritzy school. Most likely she'd join a sorority for the clout but then struggle to comply with the sorority lifestyle. She fakes it okay, but she doesn't actually love the partying and social events and things. The expectation is that she'd date a frat guy but then she meets sensitive bisexual Shinji Ikari and she can't get him off her mind. She runs very hot and cold with him, because it's like, does she want him or does she want the image she's trying to build of herself? I think maybe she does get a frat boy bf (Toji, maybe???) but she sneaks around with Shinji anyway. She feels ashamed of herself but she projects that disdain onto Shinji and treats him like shit over it, but he just keeps crawling back for more.

No one should get together at the end of this, actually. They are all disasters. The happy ending is college ending and they all get to leave this terrible period of their lives behind with lessons learned and a new sense of their own value lol. They go off and form new, much healthier relationships. Or, Asuka marries a rich lawyer or doctor and keeps sneaking around with Shinji for the rest of her life and he's secretly the father of all her children. He never forms a meaningful relationship with anyone and just kind of exists, living his life as the other man.

Why is this so sad? 😭 Fuck!

Okay, trying for a fluffier option, college cheerleader Asuka and cellist Shinji. There's still the "forbidden" aspect because she feels it's below her to date anyone but a football player and his friends (twins Kaworu and Rei who are not related to him and both have crushes on him) don't like her, but they start falling in love anyway and start meeting in secret. They have some personality clashes but they learn to overcome them. Shinji gains more confidence and Asuka becomes more empathetic. Rei is not sleeping with Gendo. Everyone lives happily ever after.

[the-haunted-office]

Decided I'm gonna do these for all my muses without any prompting, because I can and I want to and it's funny to me. x)

Send 💚 for a reason NOT to date my muse And send 💖 for a reason TO date my muse

For Oleander

💖 - A genius with computers! When they were alive, they were an IT guy, so they are very familiar with everything related to computers. And not just computers - pretty much any tech. They'll happily fix any issues with any tech you have, it's their hobby and they enjoy doing it, so it's really no big deal to them.

💚 - Being that they are made out of code, they literally live in computers and tech now. They can take on a physical form, but only for a limited period of time before they have to go back into a device. So this may cause problems in relationships where a physical presence is more required.

💖 - Supportive. And they love to listen to you talk about all your problems. If you're having a bad day, they will listen to you talk about it. They will hang onto your every word and will be your biggest supporter.

💚 - They love gossip perhaps... just a bit too much. They always seem to know what's going on around the place and if someone has upset you, they have no problem with flinging dirt on whoever it is and getting them in trouble. Even if you don't want that. They might even sabotage that person's computer and dig up their files and spread them around on the internet. Or send them to that person's boss, or significant other.

💖 - Not afraid to speak their mind. If someone is giving you shit, they will speak up in your defense.

💚 - Also a coward. If they sense that someone is bigger and badder than they are, they will run away. They also have a history of backing out of situations that make them too uncomfortable, even at the cost of friendships and relationships that were dear to them. They're trying to be better about this, but... it's not easy for them.

[bouquetface]

11/29/2006, kuala lumpur, malaysia, 8:55 pm.

current location: gopeng, perak, malaysia

bio: i grew up in a rough time and had to basically live by teaching myself things. i have mommy issues and mixed feelings towards my older brother. people have said i'm charming, silly, happy-go-lucky, but also self-centered, in my own world, inconsistent, unreliable in outings. i was very depressed and had umm mental issues i can't even identify properly, but after entering pre-university i felt that i improved a lot better.

i'm not sure what i'd like to ask, but i want to know something regarding my academic performance. i've consistently disappointed myself and sabotaged my own grades due to my impulsive decisions and it cost me heavily. now that i'm getting my degree i want to make sure it doesn't happen again, but idk what the stars will say. so i'd like to ask — based on my chart, how do i learn to find a healthier version of myself in order to achieve my dreams?

Hello, sorry for the late response I had some unexpected life stuff happen.

You have a strong scorpio 6th house. You could be attracted to careers involving investigating/research and analysis. Careers in service to helping others are likely too. EX: Law, Medical, Psych fields. Your pisces moon suggests you will be creative in your career. You could even do well in marking or consulting. You are likely to be good at any field because pisces moon in 10th for gemini asc is a very good placement.

Saturn and ketu are in your 3rd. Your 11th H ruler which deals with older siblings is in 6th H too. This can indicate a difficult relationship with siblings especially older.

Your spouse is likely to be well educated. An older person too. They can be tall physcially. They can have a dry sense of humour. They can be very knowledgable - you could adapt their beliefs such as political, religious, etc.

You may encounter romantic connections with controlling and critical people. You must be careful to not confuse those types with your spouse.

You have a Saturn/Rahu dasha period coming up in October. This period will last until 2027. Like all periods of life there are a mix of good and bad. Your natal Rahu is in 9th house, this shows focus on higher education and spiritual/religious beliefs. This period will require hard working and consistency to get through but you will get through it. At times you will feel your faith is being tested, you can struggle with feeling lonely. This is a good time to make sure you keep a strong support system in your life. Be kinder to yourself during this period but don't let yourself become lazy or inconsistent.

Rahu in 9th does bring interrupted studies but from what you described it seems you have already experienced it. If you keep a strong focus, you should achieve your goals.

By March 2030 (age 23), you will leave your Saturn mahadasha period. This is good news as many find that the Saturn period is very difficult. Since the age of 4-20, you have been in a Saturn mahadasha. This can bring delays in career, romance, and life in general. It can test your faith and be a karmic period. Luckily, you have gotten it over with by the time you are 23. After 23, you can slowly begin to reap the benefits of your hard labour.

2027 September to 2032 (ages 20-23), you are likely to begin to have an easier time. You can meet new friends & someone to be with for the long tern. I don't want to get hopes up or scare you so please understand I'm not a pro and you have free will to do as you please with your life.

Aug 2033 - Jun 2036 (ages 26-29) are also very likely to be good especially in regard to romance as this is a Mercury/Venus period. Many get married during their venus period, however once again I don't want to get your hopes up. This is not always the situation for everyone. However, generally it will be blissful.

[joy-of-life88]

Damian Priest x Reader ONE SHOT (Part 3)

First published on Wattpad August 23, 2023

Y/N POV

In the meantime, it had been a month since the last encounter between me and Priest. We kept our distance whenever possible. But that didn't stop him from glaring at me or snorting whenever he saw me.

I knew he was still mad as hell. But I didn't care. He deserved it. And I had to admit that it had done me good to take out some of my frustration on him.

Still, I knew that wasn't the end of it. He was probably just waiting for the perfect opportunity to take revenge on me. However he imagined it. But I knew that he would not let me get away with humiliating him not once but twice.

He had to learn that I was anything but a spoiled princess. He didn't know the half of it. And if it was up to me, he would never know.

I was just preparing for my next interview. In my head I went through all the questions again as I made my way to the place where we would film. I was smoothing out my cream colored dress when suddenly someone came around the corner. We crashed together and immediately hot black coffee poured over me. Shocked, I gasped before first looking down at myself and then lifting my gaze.

"What the hell did you do? Is this your way of getting back at me, you son of a bitch? Look at this! How am I supposed to do my job now?" I screeched beside myself when I saw who it was.

"I... it.... Why don't you watch where you're going next time? Not my fault if you can't pay attention." retorted Priest after a moment of hesitation.

"Asshole. Can't you just say you're sorry?" I hissed before walking over to the camera crew.

"Jamie, get Sarah for the interview. I just got sabotaged." I said to him, not having to explain why I was unable to do my job because of my appearance.

I felt Priest's eyes on me as I made my way to the restrooms. I would have loved to slap him in the face. He deserved one just for the stupid smirk on his face.

With countless paper towels I tried to suck as much of the dark liquid out of my dress as possible. But of course it was no use. I groaned as the door opened.

"Hey...are you okay?" asked Rhea.

"Doesn't look like it, does it?" I sighed as I looked at her through the mirror.

I was about to burst into tears. My hand unconsciously went to the back of my neck as I began to rub it.

"You know he didn't do that on purpose," she replied.

"Do I? I think it's just fine on his part. After all, he promised to take revenge on me," I explained.

"And for what exactly?" wanted to know Rhea.

"You'll have to ask your buddy. And while you're at it you can ask him why he enjoys irritating me so much." I replied.

"You both aren't taking anything from each other." she muttered.

"Maybe, but he started it. I'm just reacting to his aggressive, condescending manner towards me. That's all. He's the one who hates me." then I said.

"I bet he hates that he wants you..." she snickered softly.

"What was that? That's so not what's going on here." I replied irritated.

"Sure it is. It's called sexual attraction and since you don't want to admit that to each other, you're at each other's throats instead of your clothes. You hate it just as much that you find him attractive. Not rocket science." she explained to me.

"Dream on, Rhea.... We're not teenagers anymore. So it doesn't make any sense. We just don't like each other. Period." I said as I continued to rub my aching neck.

"Is your neck okay? Are you in pain?" she then wanted to know when she noticed.

"Consistently when I'm tense or stressed. But it's a long story." I replied.

"Anyway... I should probably go to the hotel. I can't walk around here like this." I then quickly added before she could ask me any more questions.

****************

Damian POV

I waited more or less patiently for Rhea to reappear.

"Hey... Is she okay?" I asked when she finally came into view.

"Since when do you care?" she grumbled and just walked past me.

"Okay fine. Don't tell me. You're already starting to sound like her." I muttered.

"Just shut up. I could really kick you. I would have thought a man your age would be more mature." replied Rhea annoyed.

"What did I do to you?" I asked, having no idea where this was coming from all of a sudden.

"Something is going on between you and Y/N. I have no idea what, but I know what this is motivated by. And if you don't sort it out somehow, you're going to end up killing each other." she grumbled.

"Oh not this again. I told you I'm not interested in her," I replied.

"Yeah right... Then why did you kiss her?" she then asked.

"That had... Reasons I won't go into," I replied.

"Oh my god! You really kissed her? I was just bluffing! Ha! I knew you were into her!" she said.

"Who's into who?" asked Dom suddenly as he joined us.

"Priest has a crush on Y/N!" replied Rhea.

"And what else is new? Maybe you should finally get her laid. She needs it as stiff as she always is." he laughed.

"Stop it! I don't have a crush on her!" I hissed.

"Part of you does. I bet you like the cat and mouse game that goes on here." Rhea giggled.

****************

An hour later, I was now standing outside the door to a hotel room. I huffed before raising my hand and knocking.

It wasn't long before I heard movement. Y/N opened the door and stared at me.

"What are you doing here, Priest?" she asked, surprisingly tired.

"I wanted to apologize. I'm sorry I ruined your dress," I said.

She opened the door more and I saw that she was wearing nothing but a white towel that barely covered her. I swallowed trying not to let my eyes travel.

"That's a new one. Well I guess... Apology accepted." she replied sounding surprised.

"Well um... If you had it cleaned, then give me the bill and I'll give you the money back," I then said.

"I can do that. Anything else?" asked Y/N.

"Can we maybe talk?" I wanted to know.

For a moment she stared at me in silence. Then she stepped aside and let me enter. I didn't know why I had said that or what exactly I wanted to talk about. But something drew me to this.

Sneak peak

Once I finish Roman book number 11, I'll move on to Damian book number 5.

[non-present-inactive]

I'm at the point of my life where I have to start inputting habits that set me up for a stable and successful future. It's funny and harrowing to think about because when I was younger, I couldn't have possibly imagined that I would get to live this age, and so on. That mentality has hindered me a bit as now I feel as if I'm scrambling to make up a plan, a guide, maybe even a rubic for what I want. However, some things never change. while things are a little different now and it's not that I don't imagine I will live to be graced by age and it's wonders. Now it truly feels like a wall I don't know to surpass, I'm sure this is a common phenomenon of being a certain age before having it all together and not knowing what to do. What to want. Maybe what to seek in this life. It's all so unpredictable and unclear and scary. My daily routine from my school days til now has been somewhat unchanged. What changes is my appearance, and that's scary. It's settling in that I'm aging and that I have to make something of myself. Fighting myself to have a will to continue on. Maybe I can't envision what I what or want I'll look like at old age, but lately, it has become harder to understand that I will eventually become old. It's unnerving the only time period where I truly felt like I was myself and human was at that very young age when I was a single digit old instead of the two I am now. It was only for a short period of time when I felt like I could envision and see myself as someone normal, with present thoughts and feelings that I didn't feel like I had to repress to ease a situation like some type of messed up mediator. Even as I write this to myself and whoever happens to stumble on this part of my internet. I feel a blank, like a stranger, my mind rejecting me and the idea of time and age. I thought I had things figured out, but what I've come to dread to realize is that I'm more out of my element than ever. In a way, I never understood the structure of how this all works, how I function, and how I've gotten to this point. I've been so changed by time that it's snuck up on me, and now I feel tired and defeated. My mind is giving up on me and going between being a person who has it all together and someone fighting against my own self to shed my unfavorable and self sabotaging ways as well as pushing myself to find reasons to continue. Fighting my brain and/or myself to lose the will to wake another day all over again. Every year, I lose a bit more of my structure, my rationality, and my senses. I wouldn't say I'm losing my sanity as I'm still functioning well enough to live day by day, but having to go through an extra and inescapable obstacle makes it harder to move through this life and become someone who at least has a decent head on their shoulders. Quite frankly I not going to tell you the quiet part out load as I don't know. I've yet to come to terms with that yet. Not that I want to anyway. Everything feels so confusing and unfamiliar and more over so isolating.

[timeoverload]

I know I have been very unpredictable lately but that is simply because I have reached my breaking point. I know I said I wasn't going to talk to you until summer was over but I think I should clarify why I feel the way I do.

I don't want to spend every night on tumblr anymore. I used to enjoy it but I really need a break because I am burned out. I am too tired for this. I want to do other things sometimes but I'm always on here.

I also feel very hurt when you choose not to talk to me. I don't like how the only way we can talk is through tumblr posts. It causes so many unnecessary misunderstandings. Communication is extremely important to me if you haven't noticed by now. I would message you myself but I don't know if you are going to try to push me away again or not so I'm not planning on it. When I get ignored for an extended period of time, it makes me feel unwanted and I shut down. It's hard to believe that you are listening sometimes but I know you are. I'm getting sick of repeating myself but it doesn't do any good to do that. I have tried to meet up with you so many times but nothing ever happens. I feel like I can't get through to you.

Why do you get so upset when I run away if you don't want to commit to me? It doesn't make sense. I'm not sure how much freedom I need to give you. I'm getting a lot of mixed signals. On Saturday you posted something that lead me to believe that you are content where you are at and you don't want anything to change. You would rather sit at home and feel sorry for yourself. That isn't going to fix anything. I felt like you were trying to push me away so I backed off and gave you as much space as I could. It seems like you are emotionally unavailable due to your fears.

Sometimes I think you try to sabotage our relationship by ignoring me. I don't think it's always on purpose necessarily. You don't believe you deserve love and happiness so you push it away. You do deserve it whether you think so or not.

I know that intimacy and commitment are scary. I know that creates a lot of anxiety for you. It scares me too but I'm not going to let that hold me back. I already know that you are the one for me.

I think you need to think about the things you say to yourself. I can tell that you have a negative perception of yourself. You should be nicer to yourself. I know it's hard to reframe your thoughts but I think you need to try. I know I need to try to do that more often too. Affirmations sound silly but they do help. You should start paying attention to your good qualities more because you have a lot of good qualities. You are such an amazing person and I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Please don't beat yourself up about things that happened in the past because that isn't constructive.

I know that you had a tough upbringing and whoever raised you didn't show you enough affection. I think that they taught you that you aren't supposed to show any emotions and that you have to be tough all the time. You are very self-reliant for a reason. It's ok to need people around and express emotions! You don't think you need anybody around because you spent a lot of your life alone. You have a hard time being vulnerable and talking about the way you feel.

I am sorry that your family was so cruel to you. I understand that you have a lot of trauma and you are afraid to talk about it. I know you didn't have good role models when you were growing up. I think that's why you have trouble being in a healthy relationship because you weren't exposed to that when you were young. I think that is the root of a lot of your issues.

I can relate to you because I had similar experiences. I know it sucks but I think it's important to learn from those negative memories in order to prevent perpetuating the cycle in the future. You shouldn't let your past dictate you forever. You can create the happy life that you didn't get to have when you were a kid. You are free now.

I am not trying to make you feel bad about anything. I am just trying to understand you.

I don't know how much space I should give you because I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I don't want to trigger you. I shouldn't have said that I needed you earlier because that is just going to send you running. I am independent but I know I'm not as self-reliant as you are. I need a little more help doing things than you do and I think that scares you too. I don't want to rely on you for everything.

I don't want to be needy but I could really use some support. I think you are also concerned about the state of my health. I think you might be afraid that I'm going to die and you'll end up alone. I think I would live a lot longer if you would let me be a part of your life. You could help encourage me to eat better because it seems like you know a lot about food. You could help me try new things and I could be healthy again. I can't guarantee I will like everything but I'm willing to try. I know I would like to be more active outside of work too. I know you like to go do stuff outside so we could go for walks sometimes. I could help you with a lot of things. I can be your emotional support. We could work on moving past our insecurities together. We can help each other.

I know you are worried that I will take you away from the things you enjoy but I'm not going to do that. We don't have to spend every second together. I like having alone time too because I'm very introverted. I don't care if you go and hang out with your friends. I might not have people to hang out with but it's ok. I can sit at home by myself and I'm not going to blow up your phone unless I have something nice to say or if there is an emergency. All I ask is that you make some time for me. I'm not here to control you, I am here to be your companion.

I'm not sure how much space I need to give you. I don't want to scare you away by trying to be affectionate. I want to be respectful of your boundaries but I'm not sure what they are exactly.

Honestly, I am a very touchy person and I don't want to bother you by being that way. I love hugs and holding hands. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I have to restrain myself every time I see you because I really want to hug you.

I definitely need some more stability and security in my life. I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster for years. I don't want to live like this anymore. I am ready to settle down. I want to be happy and healthy.

I'm not sure what to do right now. If I sit here and continue to complain, it isn't going to do any good. I know you want to know what I'm doing all of the time but this isn't fair to me anymore. You will continue to be complacent if I keep sharing everything with you. You will never commit if I allow you to have free access to my thoughts. I'm not giving you room to grow if I keep doing that. If you really want to be with me, you will make an effort to reach out or communicate with me in another way. I know it's scary. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack the last time I tried to send you a message but I still did it anyway. I know you can do it too. If you can take that first step, your anxiety will decrease from that point. Wouldn't it be better to know what I'm doing in real time so I don't have to write an essay at the end of the day? You wouldn't have to check my blog constantly to figure out what is going on. Aren't you getting tired of that?

I am going to remind you that I would never reject you. You already know I would say yes. If you came to me to talk, I would forgive you for everything immediately. I won't get angry with you about anything as long as you are loyal and respectful to me. What are you so afraid of?

Generally I'm pretty laid back despite my anxiety. You might not get that vibe from me considering so many of my posts have been dramatic. I'm usually very timid and quiet. I'm typically well behaved and I have good manners. I know I get upset sometimes and I have been trying to work on that but it has been tough lately. I just cannot forget to take my medication or else the demons come out. I don't like feeling like that and I don't miss feeling that way every day. I used to be awful without medication and I don't think I can live without it now. I'm not going to go back to the person I used to be and I don't miss having horrible intrusive thoughts. I am trying so hard to be a better person. I don't want you to be afraid of me.

I really think it would be best if I stay quiet for a while. I want to give you some time to work through some of your issues. I want you to get better. I don't want you to focus on me constantly because you are neglecting yourself. I want to see you happy and smiling. You have a nice smile. Just because I'm not posting things on here doesn't mean I'm ignoring you. I am still listening to you. You did the same thing for me for a long time. I am glad you listened to me.

You are allowed to contact me whenever you are comfortable doing so. You have all of my contact information already so you know how to get a hold of me. You have my permission and I have to keep reminding you that. I would love to talk to you.

There is never a "right time" to do anything so you don't need to wait for that. I don't want to wait until July but that is your decision and I can't make it for you. I am not trying to be mean or hurt you. I want to push you out of your comfort zone because I know you can do it! I want you to believe in yourself. You are capable of doing good things. You are in control of your life.

I really need to focus on taking care of myself too. If you saw the state of my bedroom, you would understand. It is absolutely unacceptable. I would not feel comfortable letting you see it. I don't know how I am supposed to tackle this mess I have made for myself. I don't think I have ever gotten this low before and I thought I had hit rock bottom a while ago. I wish it wasn't so hard for me to balance work with everything else. I remember that this happened when I was younger and in school. My room was always a disaster during the school year and it was difficult to manage my responsibilities at home simultaneously. During summer break I would deep clean my room and get organized but it would get messy again as soon as I went back to school. Going to school and work has always taken a lot out of me and it's hard to focus on other things. I have a difficult time finding a balance. I think that's just the way my brain works. It doesn't make it ok but normal people don't have this problem. I also have a lot of chronic conditions that started appearing when I was a kid and that has made living a normal life a challenge. It has gotten a lot worse as time has passed. I first started having symptoms of arthritis when I was in second grade and I thought it was normal for a long time. It wasn't just growing pains. I wish I wouldn't have been born so early either. I wonder how I would have turned out to be otherwise but I will never experience that. I need to try to love myself the way I am. I am just a little special but that's ok. I need to be grateful that I have been alive for 30 years because I didn't think I would make it this far. I have put my body through a lot. My life hasn't been easy but I'm pretty tough. I have to focus on surviving right now though. I can't be tough much longer. I thought I was going to have another episode today but I calmed myself down. I thought about taking medical leave for my mental health but I keep putting it off because it has been so busy and I don't want to screw anyone over. I need to stop worrying about work but it consumes my life and it sucks. I wish I could just fix myself. I am so tired and I hurt so bad. I can't do anything. I hate it. I haven't been eating or sleeping enough so I feel like a zombie. I am shaky even though I ate. I have been having more heart palpitations recently but that could just be a side effect of the supplements I'm taking or the muscle relaxers. I haven't been taking the muscle relaxers every day and I'm not addicted to them. I have been prescribed them for a longer period of time than what is usually recommended though so I need to be careful. I can't rely on them all the time unfortunately. I wish I didn't have so many issues. I feel like a burden sometimes. I am just a mess and I don't want to be a mess. I need to eat more and go to bed earlier if I want to feel any better. I do love my computer but I need a break from it because I spend the majority my free time using it. It can be a distraction sometimes. I need to give my eyes a break. I understand that you don't want to deal with my problems and I need to do what I can on my own. I need to work on nourishing myself and taking care of my responsibilities as much as I can.

I am also stressed about my mom and she has been a nightmare to try to deal with. I love her but she makes me so mad sometimes. I know that she doesn't understand what she is saying but she was being so mean to me earlier. She called me a slut and was making threatening comments because I said the wrong thing and triggered her. I had to mute the conversation again because it was too much. My grandma told me that my mom was pulling the staples out of her head the other day so that was concerning. She is going to get an infection or something. She can't plan anything and she is more forgetful than she was before. She can't make up her mind about what she wants to do. I want to help her but I am also afraid of her. She might be more prone to having outbursts now. It's hard to say because I haven't seen her in a long time. I don't think she is ever going to get help. I can't look at her messages right now because they make me upset. The nurse from the hospital called me to ask for my mom's number so I gave it to them. I doubt she will show up to any of her follow-up appointments. I hope she is ok.

I am just so worried about so many things. I don't have a lot of control over what is going on in my life at the moment. I am completely overwhelmed and I feel like shit. It has been a long day and I need to go to bed soon.

I am sorry I have to take a break from tumblr. I promise I'm not doing it to hurt you. I seriously don't have the energy right now. I have been writing for hours and I can't do this again for a while.

I am still around and you can still talk to me if you ever feel like it. I don't want you to think I'm fighting with you or ghosting you because I'm not. I just need to rest because I have been getting my ass kicked recently and I am very sick. I think you need to rest too. I hope that you will start feeling better. I hope that you will be kind to yourself.

Maxwell, I love you with all of my heart. I am always thinking of you. I also love everyone else that reads my posts without judgement. Thank you all for listening to me because it has helped me a lot. I truly hope everything gets better soon. I will return when I am able to.

💖💖💖

[kharmii]

I may not be fond of Blankshipping (I just don't care for them really), but I really do respect the way you're going about it.

You've got limits, you don't accept whatever the rest of the shippers are doing when they get too weird with the pairing, and I totally get it. I really enjoy Volo and Akari together, but the way westerners have them together is NOT it.

I have seen things. Terrible, terrible things.

I like the way the Japanese fan art does it better. There's bitterness, but sweetness as well. But I feel extremely alone because I'm NOT at all into the noncon and other atrocities that happens in "Volokari". He's not like that!!

So I feel extremely alone.

Thanks! Somebody gets me! :-D

The Japanese are great at showing nuanced Volo. I'm trying to find all the content that captures the experience of Akari (or Rei) being Volo's friend throughout the game. Sure, he was the stealth villain at the end, but that doesn't erase the 90%+ of the game where he's the protag's friend and will even self-sabotage in order to help him/her. The edgy villain Volo can be a lot of fun, but if I'm shipping him with people, I want to see more of the nice guy wholesome version who has togekiss as his pokemon soulmate.

I like Volokari, and I get why a lot of people have an objection to the ship. A lot of people see it as pedophilia where an older guy is acting predatory toward an underaged girl. It could be nuanced. For one, fans could assume that Volo is around the same age as Akari. IE: A 20/15 year old ship is a lot less creepy than a 30/15 ship. (My own parents were an irl 20/15 pairing when I was conceived, and that's during modern times. It's more common than you'd think.) What if Volo was even younger than that? His trainer cards have him looking more child-like, even if his height and bone structure suggest otherwise.

What if Volokari was even a 17/15 ship, and Volo hasn't even reached his full size yet? Celestica men could have been huge, and he could end up being seven foot tall looking like a Greek God statue when he's fully grown. We know that Volo is probably Cynthia's ancestor and shipping him with Akari makes her also an ancestor. Add to that, but Legends is set during the Meiji Restoration Period in Japan when it was the norm for a girl to be in a relationship that young. People died young all the time, and it was common for women to die in childbirth. People didn't wait around to pair up.

On that note, Adaman being a clan chieftain as young as he was might have made sense if he was a respected warrior. He would have already been through warrior training when he was a child because people had to grow up faster in the olden days. Irida would have either been a dude, or she would have been married to the real Pearl Clan chieftain.

[diosa-loba]

Hello I learned that Pluto will be in Aquarius starting January 21st and there will be a shift, if you do not mind can you please explain what that will mean for Aquarius moon ppl?

good question and thank you for asking me, dear. i don't know, but i did a lil research. your question sparked my interest as i have an aquarius rising. seems pluto in the sign of the water bearer would have similar meaning for those who have the intelligent, airy aquarius in their top 3 (sun, moon & rising). pluto is the planet of power, destruction, death, rebirth and transformation, while aquarius rules technology, innovation, the internet, and the most important to me.. THE COLLECTIVE. pluto and aquarius are rebels and as pluto enters this aquarius, it will re-activate aquarian themes of humanitarianism, freedom, revolution, social activism, and technology.

for the next 20 years, pluto will expose the shadow sign of aquarius. it will teach us that living constantly plugged into a screen is bad for our health and sense of well-being. the more positive connotations to this transit and at its highest vibration, aquarius is the sign of social fairness that sees all humans as equal. over the next twenty years, we will see people rise in many countries, revolting against oppressive governments. pluto in aquarius will bring back revolution worldwide .. what a special time for humanity that is very much needed. 🖤 🙃

for aquarius with sun, moon, and/or rising, this once-in-a-lifetime transit will empower you to make sweeping changes to your identity and self-image .. that is, if you can resist the temptation to self-sabotage. pluto also governs our survival strategies, so that could be easier said than done. think of 2024 as a period of acclimation to this potent shift. if any hard feelings surface, channel them in your art or creative outlets, which will flourish once jupiter enters gemini.

are you ready to live through an astrological happening that no one alive has experienced before?

are you a soul rebel & spiritual warrior?

have you done your soul and shadow work?

are you ready to step into your personal power? 

i don't know the reason why you asked me in particular, but i'm glad you did! lol .. thank you so much, again. i'm sure i'll be looking deeper into all this. hope you're having a lovely sunday 🙃 🙏🏽🖤

btw .. your aquarius moon is a lovely moon placement, dear 🤍