#I don't really understand it myself but wow I definitely don't want to try to explain how much of our communication is referential

[neigepomme]

˙ ✩°˖ ✈️ stay still!! / caleb x reader

synopsis; caleb would lay his head on your lap forever if he could. he's a bit more reluctant about staying still when you bring out a weapon (tweezers) to use on him though.

🍎 pomme's notes - honestly he just has really nice eyebrows. what can i say

⋆ 1k words / fluff / reader is gender neutral / 2nd person

caleb loves laying on your lap.

the first time he did was when you were still kids — he was climbing a tree at a park you two often hung out at, and after picking two apples from said tree, he promptly made his way down to you.

with the widest grin 10-year-old caleb could muster, he looks at you and beams;

"pip!! look at what i got us!!"

his eyes shone bright, crinkling at the corners upon seeing you light up and flashing him a smile with a tooth missing. when he leaned down to sit next to you, you looked up at him and patted your lap, telling him "put your head here!! a pillow after you got us apples!!" and he swore his heart skipped a beat.

in retrospect, maybe that was the first time caleb realized he liked you, not just as a close friend — but that was a thought he could ponder about another day. right now, you looked at him with the same eyes as you excitedly pat your lap. only it was fifteen years later, and you were finally dating.

as he happily strides towards you, you think that if caleb had a tail, it'd be wagging excitedly at the idea of resting on your lap. the fleet's ever-so-serious colonel caleb xia, melting away and donning a lovesick smile on his face.

he settles on the couch, legs hanging off the edge — stupidly big man acting like a tiny puppy. head finally resting on your lap, caleb speaks up with a teasing tone;

"what's up pipsqueak? missing your favorite weighted plushie on your lap?"

"mmh, i sure did. i missed my favorite doll to experiment on."

oh.

so that's why you were so eager to get him lying down on your lap. he laughs nervously, getting ready for the worst and that's when he sees it. tweezers in your dominant hand.

visibly turning more pale, he tries to get himself out of the torturous experience you're about to put him through.

"actually, i think i have something to do, gorgeous! wow, it sure is getting late and dinner isn't gonna prepare itse-"

"i already ordered takeout. don't you worry about a thing, colonel xia, nothing will come in the way of my tweezers and your brows", you interrupt him, and that's when reality sinks in for him.

caleb is done for. the last time you did his eyebrows was two years ago, when he came back home from the DAA for spring break, and he still remembers the sting of it all.

he needed to get out.

"y- you know, you really don't have to do this!! i can handle it myself!!"

"yeah, but i want to. what kind of partner would i be if i don't take care of my handsome and lovely boyfriend, who's definitely not trying to get out of this?"

he gulped, almost comically so. you caught him, and there was no way out of this one — or maybe there was. he didn't want to do this, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

puppy eyes. caleb stared at you and tried to look as pitiful as he possibly could, praying to every deity out there that you'll have some mercy on his soul.

"come on, Y/N.. my eyebrows look fine and i don't wanna waste your time — and this hurts. i don't understand how you do it, and i could never be as strong as you. please, please, please spare me. pretty please?"

you snort and lean down, pressing an exaggerated wet kiss on his forehead, making sure to emphasize the 'mwah' sound.

"nope! loved the puppy eyes, though. you should do that more often. alright, if there are no further inquiries, i'm gonna ask you to sit tight and relax pretty boy. let's get this done."

caleb stiffens when he realizes there's no way out of this. how is it that he went through DAA training, the fleet's conditioning, but somehow, you doing his eyebrows was the end of him? he's lost in his thoughts now, thinking about happy memories, but when your tweezers make contact with his skin, he immediately flinches and starts whining.

"ow ow ow ow ow, pips! it hurts! it hurts!"

you smile and flick his forehead lightly,

"i didn't even touch you yet! you always call me dramatic but you're not any better!!"

and then you pull out a hair.

"oh my go- i can't. i can't do this, please pipsqueak, please, have some mercy on your boyfriend."

and another one.

and he yelps, keeps on wriggling and trying to get out of your grasp. he thinks that you're stupidly strong right now — and all that strength is used in order to make him suffer.

"i thought you loved me!! we grew up together!! Y/N, you're hurting the love of your life, plea- ow!!"

you're giggling now, watching your big, strong, and fearless caleb being reduced to yelps as you do his eyebrows.

he inhales sharply, trying to roll away from your hands and begging for mercy, "it hurts!! please tell me you're done with the right brow, please pips!!".

laughing even harder now, you drag him back by the shoulder to his original position on your lap, and he has his face hidden in his hands, eyes tightly shut. he's shaking his head in disagreement and fake crying.

"oh my god, sit still, you dummy! if you keep on wriggling, i'm gonna put you on a cilantro only diet for the entire week!!"

and that seems to do it. he settles down again, but not without a few whines and sniffles.

drama queen.

when you're finally done (not without some more "ow ow ow- ouch!!" and "you hate me! you hate your boyfriend!" from him), he gets up and admires your work in the mirror. he wipes a stray tear that he insists isn't a tear but rather a hair that fell in his eye, and while you beg to differ, you let him have this small win.

"light work. this was a breeze", caleb exhales. free at last he thinks. that is, until he hears you hum. and he knows you — that hum meant something bad for him.

"oh yeah? same time next week then, boyfriend."

you swear you can see the color drain from his face, and you giggle.

such a drama queen. but he's your drama queen, all yours.

🍎 pomme's final notes - this is my offering to him because i really really want farspace deprivation to come home </3 it's the only card of his that i'm missing :((

[zeropro]

Comment Section: Sunstorm edition

Wow! Thanks for the analysis and thoughts, I really appreciate it!

I agree, Starscream is allowed to not want to associate with Sunstorm at all, but he still shouldn't be mean about it haha. It's not like he told Sunstorm to not follow him around and was ignored. Sure Sunstorm should pick up on the hints that he isn't wanted but lbr he was raised by Shockwave in isolation, kid’s a little bit socially inept XD

My Sunstorm isn't as crazy religious as he is in the Dreamwave comics, but he is religious enough to make people like Starscream uncomfortable, especially when as you said he uses religious language to try and connect with Starscream. I personally like the idea that Sunstorm doesnt actually think the old stories are literally true, but he finds comfort in them and so chooses to view his life through that lens. He's more of a philosopher than a religious zealot, and ultimately he is more interested in observing and understanding than converting or preaching. Still, it's one of his special interests so he will talk about it if given the chance, and it definitely makes a lot of people uncomfortable for the reasons you've stated.

Love the observation about Starscream not being used to forgiveness. He don't trust like that, no sirreeeee.

Also it was Rodimus who pushed for the group therapy and Starscream def agreed to it, but he hasn’t really been taking any of the therapy sessions seriously. He was using them as a way to make people like him, like look I can behave, I can do your little therapy stuff, I can pretend to be emotionally and mentally stable, im totally working on myself even tho theres nothing wrong with me and even if there was something wrong with me it’s so deeply rooted theres no point in working on it anyway i mean what? It's all very calculated. Maybe he decided to vent about Sunstorm during their session because he thought it would make the kid leave him alone? Haha, unfortunately for him the opposite happened.

thanks again for your thoughts, hope you’re feeling better by now

If only Starscream could communicate his feelings like a normal person haha.

I like the way you put this. The situation is mad uncomfortable for Starscream yeah. And thanks! I hope you like where it goes.

When I wrote Sunstorm’s dialogue my intention was for starscream to feel validated in a way that he isnt comfortable with but doesnt altogether hate, but then a few people pointed out how it comes off like he’s straight up forgiving him for having trauma (hes forgiving him for saying mean things to him!) and like, yeah starscream wouldnt appreciate feeling patronised x3 Prolly pissed him off. But like, maybe a little bit of the intent made it through? I wanted Starscream to feel seen, but being seen is terrifying when you feel like theres nothing but broken ugliness underneath. so i guess starscream just ends up feeling judged. But also…accepted? Starscream does a confusion.

Starscream has had like three therapy sessions and isnt making any notable progress because he’s more concerned with how he’s being perceived than actively working on himself rn. I actually think this is fine, change doesnt happen quickly. we’ve introduced starscream to an avenue of help and as calculated as it was he did still try it out. I think the seed was planted if he ever does decide he wants to do better. and In his defense, the focus rn for everyone is what do we do about Megatron’s sudden return

lmao this made me chuckle. I wouldnt say he held composure even at Megatron’s worst, but yeah he’d def be frustrated whenever he accidentally goes mask off around the autobots.

That would be very cute, but starscream isnt quite there yet XD. not that anyone would want to hurt sunstorm, he’s like the best boy!

Starscream might worry about Sunstorm exploding, but only because he doesnt want to get caught in the explosion. after therapy, he still couldnt care less if Sunstorm deactivated, but he at least sees him as a person he dislikes rather than an abomination that shockwave made. so…yay progress?

He’s radioactive, so it’s a valid concern! Not that he will explode, he does have control over his outlier ability.

i imagine Rodimus is chill with ex decepticons? he went on a gay roadtrip space adventure with his best friend who is an ex decepticon and they met cyclonus who is an ex decepticon and later picks up sunstorm who is a decepticon affiliated seeker. i think as long as you prove to him you can be chill then he’ll be chill. tbh I think he just wants people to like him.

and It’s not that he doesnt mind if sunstorm blows up, he just has so much confidence in sunstorm not blowing up he doesnt think its a concern!

yeah since his spark is radioactive it hurts passively all the time. it hurts more when he pulls it in and away from others, and the pain spikes when he activates his outlier ability to actually use it, but it hurts less after it’s expelled. part of the reason why he spends so much time in a cr chamber while at shockwave’s lab is because it syphons his energy output and alleviates the pain. a win win for shockwave as he uses that energy to power his lab.

in his defence, he didnt make him radioactive on purpose, that just sorta happened

haha I’m glad y’all really liked that joke XD

of course he has, who hasnt met sunstorm! oh right, megatron…

i wouldn't recommend it. it will burn

TC has seen Sunstorm around like some cryptid, and Bumblebee prolly explained the situation after Sunstorm started staying at autobot base. TC is probably also creeped out by Sunstorm’s existence, but something about his bright eyed apperance reminds him of Starscream before the war…

Skywarp just sees him as some other guy, he’s like not bothered at all. he’s curious about him in that there hasnt been a new seeker in generations. as far as he’s concerned, Sunstorm is literally nothing like Starscream haha

Sunstorm feels bad for TC, and he empathises with Skywarp’s malfunctioning outlier ability.

Im so hecking sorry XD Sunstorm is like basically not in IDW1 at all (he shows up once in the background, and then the second time he’s in the comic arcee hecking murders him pfpfpf). If you want sunstorm content I think he features more in Wings universe and the Dreamwave continuity. I havent read them tho so I don’t actually know haha

but like, aah thanks so much, I really appreciating your kind words. and also thank you everyone who sent me asks and comments and tags. I legit had no idea this project would turn into a whole thing but I’m having fun so I’m glad you all are enjoying it too.

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Deuce Spade - Room Relaxation Vignette

"Happy Birthday"

[Exterior Hallway]

Deuce: Whew… Today was another exhausting day.

Deuce: I couldn't even understand any of the questions they said was super basic… I don't even know if I'll be able to finish up all the homework we got by tonight...

Rook: Oh, my, is that you, Deuce-kun? What has you looking so forlorn?

Deuce: Hunt-senpai! Good afternoon! Umm… I was just coming back from my supplementary Enigmics class.

Deuce: I'm still not really understanding anything even after Crewel-sensei took the time to help me try and figure it out… Urgh, I'm just so lousy.

Rook: Oh là là! That is indeed a predicament. That must be why you seem so unusually tired.

Deuce: Yes... He told me to at least memorize the formula for magical power by tomorrow, so I need to have something to show for it…

Rook: I see… However, they say that joyfulness follows every hardship. I do hope you'll be able to enjoy your birthday tomorrow.

Deuce: Huh, you know my birthday?

Rook: Of course! Make sure to fully enjoy yourself at the party you're throwing in Heartslabyul and mingle with your friends to your heart's content.

Deuce: Thank you very much! No matter what, I need to avoid staying after for supplemental lessons tomorrow.

Deuce: I'm feeling more motivated thanks to your words, Hunt-senpai! I'll definitely focus on my studies tonight!

Rook: Heh, now that is a much better look for you to carry. I'll be cheering you on, Monsieur Spade.

Deuce: Yes, sir! I'll take my leave now, Hunt-senpai!

[Heartslabyul Dorm – Lounge]

Deuce: Alright, we're done taking care of the hedgehogs. Glad I was still able to make it in time to do my assigned duty…

[Heartslabyul student speaks]

Deuce: Eh, what was I doing…? I had to stay after for a supplemental Enigmics lesson.

[Heartslabyul student speaks]

Deuce: You can't think of anything that was confusing? Come on, we're both in the same class. I'm talking about the problem I got hit with today…

Deuce: Eh, you're saying that formula is something that's even taught during middle school? Y-You're joking…!

Deuce: Man… Becoming an honor student is a long and winding road. But I got no time to cry about it.

Deuce: I gotta finish up everything I gotta do and head back to my room. Bye!

[Heartslabyul Dorm – Deuce's Room]

Deuce: Now that I'm outta the shower, it's time to study. I'll pull out the papers that Crewel-sensei prepared for me.

Deuce: Rosehearts-ryōchō said it helps with memorization to vocalize things. I'll try that now!

[Heartslabyul Dorm – Deuce's Room]

Deuce: P = T × S² × X… P = T × S² × X…

[Roommate A speaks]

Deuce: Hm? What am I mumbling about…? Oh, I'm not talking to myself. I'm trying to memorize a formula for Enigmics class.

[Roommate B speaks]

Deuce: So, don't bother me… Huh? What do I want to eat at tomorrow's party? Oh, hmm…

Deuce: …Oh, yeah, I know what I want! A melty omelet, and a fluffy egg cake!

Deuce: Maan, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm starting to feel a bit hungry. I should head to the lounge to find something to eat…

Deuce: Wait… Now's not the time to do that. I need to memorize this formula. I'll write it out again…

[Roommate A speaks]

Deuce: Huh, you're giving this to me!? Thanks. I really was craving these cookies just now.

[Deuce starts eating]

Deuce: Ack, shoot! I stopped writing again. I gotta focus, focus…

[Roommate B speaks]

Deuce: Hm? You're gonna let me be the first to read the comic we've been taking turns reading every week?

[Roommate B speaks]

Deuce: Oh, wow, because it's my birthday tomorrow? Thanks! I was really excited for the next part.

Deuce: Ack, wait, now's not the time for that, I told you already! Augh, I can't remember the formula at all…

Deuce: Hm? What are you guys laughing about? Ah…! Wait, were you doing all that on purpose!?

Deuce: Don't bother me! I absolutely, definitely have to memorize this formula by tomorrow!

Deuce: If you guys keep this up…

「Survey on Quality of Life Improvements for the Student Body」

Deuce: I'm gonna write "There should be even more opportunities for supplemental classes."

[Ace speaks]

Deuce: What, that'd be a problem for me, too? Nope, I'm always super grateful for the extra classes that help me learn things with greater detail. I say bring it on!

Deuce: Besides… I already stay after class a bunch, anyway. Even if that happens more often, it doesn't really change anything for me…

[Ace speaks]

Deuce: …Heh, as long as you get it. Okay then, I'm gonna go back to memorizing the formula… Eh, an Ancient Magic quiz!?

Deuce: Shoot, I need to study for that, too. I can't fail that quiz, either!

Deuce: But I still haven't even memorized the formula for my Enigmics class either, what should I…

Deuce: Oh, right! I should just study for both of them at the same time!

Deuce: I'll write the formula for Enigmics while I repeat the Ancient Magic stuff out loud.

Deuce: P = T × S² × X… P = T × S² × X…

Deuce: The next word means… "to flow."

Deuce: P = T × S�� × X… P = T × S² × X…

Deuce: This word means "mountain"… Right. I'm gonna get all the rest of these 40 words to stick in my brain, too…

Deuce: I'll definitely be able to memorize everything if I do this! Now to keep this up all night long!

[Heartslabyul Dorm – Deuce's Room]

[RIIIIIIIING!!!!]

Deuce: Nnnngh…

Deuce: Nnn… P = … The mountain… flows… T ×…

Deuce: EH, IT'S MORNING ALREADY!? NO WAY!!!!

Deuce: I only meant to take a short nap, but I ended up sleeping until morning…

Deuce: What was the formula for Enigmics again…? Urrgh, I can't remember at all.

Deuce: And I've only been able to memorize about 3 of the terms for Ancient Magic. What should I do…?

Deuce: No, I can't give up! I need to head to class early and study. Gotta get ready fast!

Deuce: …Whew, washing my face really feels refreshing. I'll apply some sunscreen after doing some quick skincare…

Deuce: Alright, next is the makeup. I'll start with my eyebrows.

Deuce: I just need to brush it and draw in any hairs where it feels lacking. Finish the ends of the eyebrows with a sharp point up…

Deuce: Cool, that's perfect.

Deuce: There was a time I just shaved off all my eyebrows… But I definitely look more like an honor student when I take care of them like this.

Deuce: After the eyebrows, I gotta draw in the suit… It's my birthday, so should I make it look a little cooler around my eyes?

Deuce: Maybe I could cover it in sparkly glitter just like how a Blastcycle can get all deco'd out…

Deuce: …Nah, I shouldn't. That's not something an honor student would do!

Deuce: My mom always said that the most important thing about making a good impression is looking crisp. If I think of those words, then…

Deuce: I guess the suit mark should just be drawn in simple black. I just gotta draw the line diagonally up, then make a sharp point…

Deuce: Alright, I drew it pretty good! Now all I have to do is fill in the color without any gaps… There, I'm done. Not bad at all.

Deuce: Next, I gotta deal with my hair. I just need to brush everything… Hmm.

Deuce: I did the makeup like I normally do, so maybe I should do something different with my hairstyle?

Deuce: I could use wax to give my hair some lift… Maybe make it a bit wavy, or harden it with a bit of gel?

Deuce: …Nah, I think I'll just comb my bangs to the side and call it a day. This looks the most normal, so.

Deuce: Besides, I can finish getting ready almost instantly when I choose to go with this hairstyle.

Deuce: In the past, I didn't just dye it, but sometimes pinned my hair back, or slicked it back, or had a more shaved look…

Deuce: I'd used to try out so many different hair styles, so it'd take a lot more time to get ready in the mornings. That kinda takes me back.

Deuce: I still kinda feel like something's missing, but… I don't want to come off as intimidating. I think this is the closest I can look to my ideal self!

[Main Street]

Deuce: My appearance looks spot on today. No matter how anyone looks at it, I look just like a serious student.

Deuce: I just gotta work on my insides. First, I gotta memorize the Enigmics formula, and the Ancient Magic terms.

Deuce: I'M GONNA GIVE IT MY ALL! RAAAH!!

Rook: Good morning, Monsieur Spade!

Rook: Not only do you look even more invigorating than usual, but there you go, giving yourself such a rousing inspirational pep talk… How beauté!

Deuce: H-Hunt-senpai!? Good morning. And here I thought no one would be here, 'cause it's so early in the morning…

Rook: Heh, there's nothing to be so embarrassed about. Your passionate declaration struck my heart like a steadfast arrow.

Deuce: Ahaha… I guess that's fine, then…

Rook: Oh, yes, and since we've met here, allow me to extend my heartfelt well wishes.

Rook: Happy Birthday. I wish from the bottom of my heart that this year will bring you nothing but the opportunity to shine on brilliantly.

Rook: As long as you have the will, your dreams will definitely come true. I will be rooting for you from the side.

Deuce: …! Thank you very much, Hunt-senpai… I'm so happy to hear you say that.

Deuce: In order to become who I want to be, I'll do my best today, too!

Requested by @farfalla049.

[missterious-figure]

Part 2

Sun was staring at something, but you couldn't hear or see anything out of the ordinary in your yard... whatever it was that was bothering Sun was definitely coming from beyond the wooden fence. You listened silently, hoping for some clue or indication as to what had the mer so on-edge. The faint rustling of leaves from the other side of the fence caught your attention. You heard a few deep grumpy mumbles, followed by a lighter-voiced angry retort, and your heart nearly stopped.

You recognized those voices. The first one was your dad's, the second belonged to your mother. And by the sound of it, your dad was being told to climb the fence. Instant panic flooded your system and you shoved Sun back into the pond. Of course the mer was quite confused as to why you were now pushing him away. He tried to swim back to you, gurgling, but you quickly put a finger over your mouth. He seemed to understand, as he shut his mouth mid-squeak.

"Sun, be a good boy and hide, okay?"

You said frantically as you stood up and tried to shoo him back underwater. Still quiet as a mouse, he tilted his head.

"You know, hide? Dive! Go back under until I come get you, okay?"

He finally got it, and disappeared under the murky water. Just in time! Your father poked his head over the fence, leaves and twigs sticking in his hair. You turned to face him, using all your might to stop yourself from giggling. You knew he would yell at you if you did. Before you could even get upset at him, he barked in a rather unpleasant tone,

"Who were you talking to? I heard you talking to someone."

"Who said you could climb over my fence? And when did I say you could come visit me?"

He scowled at your remark.

"I'm your father, I don't need permission to visit you."

You decided to make things short. You already didn't what to deal with him any longer.

"So what do you want? If you're going to ask me to come back, I'm not."

He glared angrily, and you could tell that's probably along the lines of what he wanted to talk to you about.

"You owe me and your mother everything! We are your parents! And we certainly didn't raise you to be such ill mannered and arrogant brat!"

Growling, he began to heave himself over the fence.

"One way or another, you will come back, even if I have to drag you myself! Now come on, the car is still running and I won't argue with you anymore!"

You stepped back, terrified. Was your crazy fuck of a dad really trying to kidnap you? You hurriedly scrambled to get your phone from your pocket and dialed 9-1-1. The look of terror on your on your dad's face was quite evident, as he froze, then began to climb back down the other side of the fence.

"Y-yeah that's right I'll- I'll call the cops on you!"

He quickly disappeared and you heard a car door slam. Tires screeched as and drove off into the distance, until they faded away.

Wow. Fuck. That was fast. You were lucky your father was so afraid of getting caught by the police (mostly so his reputation wouldn't be ruined, you thought to yourself) that the mere mention of you dialing 9-1-1 was enough to send him packing. Hopefully, your parents would keep believing the whole "I'll call the cops" ruse. If not, you weren't sure how else you would make them leave you alone. Deep down, you knew you could never actually call the police. What if the cops found out about Sun somehow? What would they do to him? And his brothers, Moon and Eclipse?

You didn't what to think about that. You shook the thoughts from your head and collapsed onto you knees next to Sun's pond. This whole situation was a headache to think about, and your parents were getting more pushy and forceful. You couldn't take another one of their visits. You had no idea when, but you had started crying. Streams of tears trickled down your face and your nose became runny. You buried your head in your hands. This was all to much...

Sun slowly bobbled his head up to the surface, his big round eyes staring intently.

"Muhrrp?"

Your dropped your hands to your knees quietly. You took a better look at his face. There was clearly a look of concern on his face. He probably saw the whole situation, from under the water. He slowly pulled himself ashore, his face now inches from yours. After a few moments of the two of you staring at each other, he gently pressed his closed mouth onto your tear soaked cheek. You sat there stunned for a moment, completely caught off guard. Did he just... give you a kiss? You couldn't help but smile, a few more tears, happy tears, slipping from your eyes.

You slammed yourself into Sun almost sending both of you back into the water. He wasn't sure what to do at first, but he quickly caught on. He wrapped his arms around you, rubbing your back. He gurgled and cooed in a soothing way, as if he was actually talking words of comfort. Even though he was wet and a little slimy, you were grateful for this. Even if you hadn't known him very long, he was more loving than your family had ever been during your whole life time.

"Thank you, Sun."

***

Link to part 1 below

[lttleghost]

okay I'm like complaining again but I wanna hear other ppls thoughts on this because I'm too impatient to wait until I've gone through all the commentary for BrBa and BCS in search of answers to confirm or deny my suspicions but GOD A FEW THINGS ARE DRIVING ME INSANE and I apologize for this ramble being maybe a lil disjointed in advance

so like, first, this scene-

if I look at this realistically it reads as Jake misinterpreting his and Jesse's parents talking about how Jesse's actions reflect back on them as genuine care, he's young, and I can imagine him having some insecurity in his parents care for him since we do know it is conditional, just Jake is currently meeting those conditions, but sensing that instability could've maybe influenced how he understood his parents talk of his older sibling.

but I just am having a hard time convincing myself that was intended when it was written... and this assessment from me could be unfair because - while I'm not quite sure at what point Jesse was no longer planned to be killed at the end of the first season - this does come from that first season, and I've heard there was a change in how Jesse was written after the first season and throughout the rest of the show there is NO evidence that Jesse's parents like, actually give a fuck about him, they actively make his life worse like when they kicked him out of his own goddamn house, and that all seems like those things have to be intended to make you think "wow Jesse's parents are awful!!!"

but then, not for me to complain about these two scenes in El Camino again but I'm gonna complain about these two scenes in El Camino again -

followed by this not too long after

because while if this movies thing of having blame being squared on Jesse's shoulders was just him talking to his parents it'd be easier to say "oh this is just a kid who was abused in a socially acceptable way not recognizing the abuse he went through and how that really did have a major effect on his life trajectory" but when these two scenes are put so close together it makes it really hard for me to not think that it's TRYING to say that Jesse is responsible for where he ended up even if they don't necessarily want bad things to happen to him

cause like I know, I know the writers are sympathetic towards Jesse but I don't think being sympathetic towards a character like him makes you immune to having harmful beliefs about addicts and criminals when they're so prevalent in wider society, like especially the idea that changing actions taken by individual people is the main problem that needs to be dealt with wrt addiction and crime instead of changing the structural problems that result in addiction and crime, like I've seen this mindset present in the fandom as well

I mean I know I have some evidence that at least Vince's ideas on justice aren't great with this bit from an interview about El Camino (also him having Jesse specifically say "I'm no cop killer" when Jesse would definitely know how cops are just another violent gang, like he could've just said "I don't want to kill anyone" instead of having cops on some higher level of innocence)

like I dunno believing at all that there's a good way to end with Jesse in prison (and not as a way to show how awful prison is either, since he talked about the idea of Jesse finally finding some sort of peace in prison sleeping) is kinda fucked up!!! I do want to fight him for this alone!!! even if like glad he changed it but I dunno the fact that he believes this just makes it easy to believe that he really would!! blame Jesse to at least some extent for what he got into, like I think that he understands Walt manipulated Jesse but I just, I dunno!!! things in BCS kinda bother me too irt just general ideas of crime and drug use ect... but I'm much less familiar with that show in comparison to BrBa so I don't feel as comfortable pointing specific things in it

like... do Vince Gilligan and the writers of Breaking Bad see Jesse’s parents as shit parents who were abusive in a socially acceptable way? or do they really think that they really did their best? is it somewhere in-between? like "they were abusive but they still didn't know any better"? or maybe is it as bad as believing Jesse's parents tried their best and them being rich is supposed to show that he had all he needed to succeed and was just a fuckup (instead of it showing that his parents had all the resources they needed to help him and... didn't) am I just overreacting because I am protective of my girl and the people that I know exist like him and am suspicious of those writing about them if I don't know all their politics behind the subject? I know I've talked to some ppl who have vindicated me w/ some of this but please share ur opinions I want to know the wider ideas on this since I feel like I just don't see it discussed that often

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "bragging" about making the deans list?

so I (19ftm) have a sorta complicated friendship with a group of friends. We're all autistic, and we all have different strengths and weaknesses. Specifically, I am very academically gifted. I graduated high school with a 3.9 gpa, consistent honor roll, APs, etc. None of my friends are even close to this. Of the other four of them, two never went to college because they couldn't do it, one is dropping out after this year, and one is a consistent c student. I don't mind this much, although I will admit it gets frustrating sometimes when I'm trying to talk about what I'm doing and they just don't get it. Recently, I found out that I made the deans list, and I was super proud of myself. I texted our gc to tell them, and one person responded saying "wow that must've been hard" in a way that felt sorta sarcastic but I ignored it. No one else responded. I assumed they hadn't seen it and while I was definitely upset, I tried not to take it personally.

Later, while we were on call, I mentioned it again. One of them, the same person who'd made the sarcastic comment earlier, responded by saying that I shouldn't brag about it so much because I knew they were all struggling academically and it was annoying to rub it in their faces that I could do things they couldn't. I got really upset, since I've had a rough year and was super proud of myself, and left the call. No one's reached out to me since.

Some important background info: everyone else has talents I physically can't do. They're all gifted artists or musicians, which I can't be because of my disability severely limiting finger and hand movement. I have never once told them to not talk about their accomplishments in those fields, even if it made me feel a bit sad. I have also gotten told off for bragging before, but I didn't get those times either. For example, they got mad when I vented about being stressed for my midterms then informed them the next day that they weren't super hard and I was sure I did great, because the friend who has since dropped out failed theirs. (If someone who understands social cues could explain how this is wrong, I would really appreciate that). They've mentioned several times that they feel stupid when I talk about the work I'm doing, as I got into a fairly prestigious university and am doing lots of rigorous work that they don't really get, but does that mean I should just not bring it up? I'm not trying to make them feel bad, I just want to talk about this part of my life and the ups and downs

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

VERY LONG SUBMISSION SORRY I HAVE A LOT TO SAY

SELF DIAGNOSED "I'M SO NICE" NPD CULTURE IS. LITERALLY ALWAYS KNOWING YOU HAD SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. BUT SOCIETY HAS SPOONFED YOU THE PROPAGANDISTIC IDEALS OF NARC DEMONISATION SINCE THE DAY YOU WERE FRESH OUT THE WOMB, SO EVEN THOUGH YOU PERSONALLY BELIEVED YOU DIDN'T DEMONISE NPD, YOU NEVER ONCE CONSIDERED HAVING IT BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS TOLD YOURSELF "I DEFINITELY DON'T HAVE NPD, I'M WAY TOO NICE FOR THAT!"

BUT YOU STILL KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU. CLUSTER B PERSONALITY DISORDER SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.

"HEY WAIT, I SEEM TO RELATE TO BPD EXPERIENCES!!! THIS IS WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!"

IT WAS NOT BPD. THE THINGS I FOUND RELATABLE WERE JUST GENERAL CLUSTER B SYMPTOMS OR EXPLAINABLE BY SOMETHING ELSE.

SEVERE IDENTITY ISSUES? JUST NPD.

HAVING A FP AND PLACING YOUR SELF WORTH AND EMOTIONAL STATE IN THEM? ANY PERSONALITY DISORDER CAN HAVE A FP.

SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS? IT'S PROBABLY NPD WHEN I'M MET WITH DIRECT CRITICISM / RUDENESS / AND I FEEL INSANELY OFFENDED OR ATTACKED AND INSTINCTIVELY AND UNCONTROLLABLY GET SUPER DEFENSIVE AND COMBATIVE AND GRASP AT ANYTHING I CAN TO "GET BACK" AT THEM TO COPE WITH FEELING LIKE I JUST GOT FUCKING STABBED IN THE CHEST

FEAR OF ABANDONMENT? CHILDHOOD UPBRINGING + TRAUMA LOL ALSO IT CRUSHES MY EGO BADLY THAT PEOPLE FIND ME SO INSUFFERABLE THAT THEY NEVER WANT TO TALK TO ME AGAIN SO LOWKEY NPD TOO

SUICIDAL THREATS? UMM OK SO THIS IS AN ENTIRE STORYTIME FOR ANOTHER SUBMISSION SO JUST. GO FIND IT FROM MY ANON SIGNOFF TAG IF YOU'RE CURIOUS. TLDR I WAS 10 AND PLAYING ROYALE HIGH 💀

BLACK AND WHITE THINKING? AUTISM. OR POSSIBLY NPD

"WOW, I FEEL LIKE I RELATE A LOT TO HPD SYMPTOMS!!!! I MUST HAVE BOTH BPD AND HPD!"

HPD IS BARELY TALKED ABOUT EVEN IN PD SPACES, THE DSM CRITERIA FOR IT IS VAGUE AND UNSPECIFIC AND WACKY MAKING IT DIFFICULT TO ACCURATELY SELF DIAGNOSE IT (OR EVEN ACCURATELY DIAGNOSE IT IN GENERAL), AND ALL OF MY HPD SYMPTOMS CAN BE EXPLAINED BY SOMETHING ELSE.

UNSTABLE EMOTIONS? LITERALLY JUST CLUSTER B AND AUTISM.

ATTENTION SEEKING + TWEAKING WHEN NO ATTENTION? MOSTLY JUST NPD, BUT COULD ALSO BE SOMEWHAT CATALYSTED BY MY INSANELY EXTROVERTED, OUTGOING AND SOCIALLY DEPENDENT PERSONALITY.

DRAMATIC BEHAVIOUR? I HAVE MANY OUTBURSTS OR EPISODES OF LOSING MY SHIT BECAUSE OF A COMBINATION OF TRAUMA, AUTISM, AND JUST BEING CLUSTER B.

EXAGGERATED AND OVER-THE-TOP PERSONA? THAT IS LITERALLY JUST THE ARTIFICIAL PERSONA I MOLDED MYSELF INTO BECAUSE MY NPD THOUGHT IT'D MAKE EVERYONE LOVE ME BUT MY NPD SWEARS THIS IS THE REAL ME EVEN THOUGH I'M JUST FABRICATING MY PERSONALITY TO BE CLOSER TO THE IDEALISED ME I HAVE IN MY HEAD.

HAVING "STRONG OPINIONS" THAT ARE MALLEABLE AND DEPENDENT ON THOSE AROUND ME? PROBABLY A COMBINATION OF BEING AN FE DOMINANT IN TYPOLOGY (THIS MEANS MY MORALS AND DECISIONS ARE BASED ON HOW SOMETHING AFFECTS OTHERS) AND BEING LOW EMPATHY + COMPASSION (SOMETIMES I CAN'T UNDERSTAND OR CARE FOR HOW SOMETHING WILL AFFECT OTHERS, BUT I TRY AND GUESS / ASSUME WHAT THE RIGHT THING TO DO IS ANYWAYS BECAUSE I'M A GOOD PERSON) *SORRY FOR THE TYPOLOGY MENTION IN A PSYCHOLOGICAL CONTEXT I THINK MANY PEOPLE FUCKING HATE THAT IN PSYCHOLOGY/MENTAL HEALTH SPACES I DON'T TREAT IT LIKE ASTROLOGY OKAY? 😭 I JUST THINK IT'S A GREAT TOOL TO EXPLAIN AND CATEGORISE THE ASPECTS OF YOUR PERSONALITY UNRELATED TO MENTAL ILLNESS OR TRAUMA SINCE EVERY TYPOLOGY SYSTEM IS UNIQUE

THE HPD SELF DIAGNOSIS WAS ON A WHIM BTW I WAS REALLY STUPID ABOUT THAT .. ☹️ I HEARD "PDS ARE VERY COMMONLY COMORBID" AND I TOOK THAT AND JUST DIAGNOSED MYSELF WITH WHATEVER I FOUND SLIGHTLY RELATABLE. I SAW A VID OF SOMEONE WITH HPD TALKING ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCE + THEY MENTIONED SOMETHING LIKE "WE HAVE A GOD COMPLEX BUT WE HATE OURSELVES AT THE SAME TIME" WHICH HELPED ME COME TO TERMS WITH MY EGO AND GRANDIOSITY (WHILE STILL THINKING IT WAS BPD AND HPD), SO I SELF DIAGNOSED MYSELF WITH NPD TOO . WHILE ONLY DOING THE BARE MINIMUM OF RESEARCH 😟 LIKE OBVIOUSLY I DIDN'T THINK NPD WAS Symptoms: Kills people, eats babies, manipulates everyone, takes over the world, is ONLY CAPABLE of feeling EVIL and can NEVER be kind EVER, CAUSE I WAS CONSCIOUSLY ACCEPTING OF PWNPD EVEN THOUGH I HAD SOME DEMONISATION STILL SUBCONSCIOUSLY INTERNALISED BECAUSE OF WHAT SOCIETY SPOONFEEDS US + ABSOLUTELY NOBODY IS 100% FREE OF AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT OF SUBCONSCIOUS INTERNALISED BIGOTRY BUT I BASICALLY HAD JUST JUMPED THE GUN

AFTER A WHILE I LOWKEY REALISED THAT BPD AND HPD DID NOT SEEM TO FIT ME . AND I UNDIAGNOSED MYSELF WITH NPD TOO CAUSE THE TWO MISDIAGNOSES MADE ME ASSUME I DIDN'T HAVE A PD AT ALL. SO I HAD A SHORT PERIOD OF "DAMN I GUESS I DON'T HAVE ANY DISORDERS THAT EXPLAIN WHY I'M SO FUCKED UP AND INSANE AND MENTALLY UNWELL"

BEFORE I FOUND OUT MY FP HAD NPD. AND I WAS LIKE "WAIT, REALLY? BUT THEY'RE SO NICE TO ME... HONESTLY, IT MAKES SENSE". AND THAT MOTIVATED ME TO ACTUALLY DO RESEARCH ON NPD BECAUSE THIS TOLD ME I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT ENOUGH. I WANTED TO UNDERSTAND THEM.

THAT WAS BASICALLY HOW I STARTED TO REALISE I HAD NPD. I TRIED DENYING A LOT OF CORRELATIONS . AND I NEVER SUSPECTED I HAD NPD FOR YEARS BECAUSE THE COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS HAD NORMALISED SO MANY THINGS TO ME + I QUITE UNSUCCESSFULLY TRIED BOTTLING UP THINGS I THOUGHT WERE MEAN (WHICH BASICALLY MADE ME BELIEVE I'M SECRETLY AN AWFUL PERSON AND NOBODY KNOWS IT) . I THOUGHT MY GRANDIOSE FANTASIES WERE NORMAL UNTIL I WAS LIKE 15. I THOUGHT NEVER BEING ABLE TO COMPREHEND YOU'RE IN THE WRONG BUT PRETENDING YOU DO AND APOLOGISING TO "DO THE RIGHT THING" WAS NORMAL. I THOUGHT MY LEVEL OF EMPATHY WAS NORMAL. I THOUGHT MY JEALOUSY AND ENVY WERE NNORMAL. I NEVER WORDED MY THOUGHTS OF CONTEMPT AND SUPERIORITY TO OTHERS IN A WAY THAT WAS LIKE "HEH... YOU'RE SO PATHETIC.... I'M SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU" IT WAS MORE LIKE "LOL I'M _ AND THEY'RE NOT" SO IT WASN'T OBVIOUS TO ME THAT THIS WASN'T NORMAL . BUT WHEN I DID WORD IT THAT WAY, I DIDN'T THINK I WAS A NARC I JUST THOUGHT I WAS SECRETLY AN ASSHOLE 😭 I SERIOUSLY NEVER THOUGHT MY KINDNESS HAD SELFISH INTENTIONS I THOUGHT IT WAS NORMAL TO ONLY BE NICE FOR PEOPLE TO LIKE YOU ┛◠ ┛ ANYWAYS IT'S 2025 AND I AM NO LONGER BLINDED BY BIAS OR DELUSION COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS AND I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT MY PROBLEM IS NPD!!!!!!!!! AND LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE I THINK . I AM 16 AND GONNA "TRY TO GET DIAGNOSED" SOON (NOT GOING TO EVER SAY "I THINK I HAVE NPD". I'M GONNA SPECIFICALLY MENTION ALL MY NARC TRAITS TO MY THERAPIST AND WORD THEM IN A VERY TEXTBOOK NPD WAY WITHOUT EVER LYING I'M JUST GOING OUT OF MY WAY TO TELL THE TRUTH AND WORDING IT IN A STEREOTYPICAL NPD WAY)

THX 4 READING I LOAV U (^з^)-☆Chu!!

— 🍋‍🟩🍃

[pt: very long submission sorry i have a lot to say

self diagnosed "i'm so nice" npd culture is. literally always knowing you had something wrong with you. but society has spoonfed you the propagandistic ideals of narc demonisation since the day you were fresh out the womb, so even though you personally believed you didn't demonise npd, you never once considered having it because you always told yourself "i definitely don't have npd, i'm way too nice for that!"

but you still knew there was something seriously fucking wrong with you. cluster b personality disorder sounds about right.

"hey wait, i seem to relate to bpd experiences!!! this is what's wrong with me!"

it was not bpd. the things i found relatable were just general cluster b symptoms or explainable by something else.

severe identity issues? just npd.

having a fp and placing your self worth and emotional state in them? any personality disorder can have a fp.

sudden mood swings? it's probably npd when i'm met with direct criticism / rudeness / and i feel insanely offended or attacked and instinctively and uncontrollably get super defensive and combative and grasp at anything i can to "get back" at them to cope with feeling like i just got fucking stabbed in the chest

fear of abandonment? childhood upbringing + trauma lol also it crushes my ego badly that people find me so insufferable that they never want to talk to me again so lowkey npd too

suicidal threats? umm ok so this is an entire storytime for another submission so just. go find it from my anon signoff tag if you're curious. tldr i was 10 and playing royale high 💀

black and white thinking? autism. or possibly npd

"wow, i feel like i relate a lot to hpd symptoms!!!! i must have both bpd and hpd!"

hpd is barely talked about even in pd spaces, the dsm criteria for it is vague and unspecific and wacky making it difficult to accurately self diagnose it (or even accurately diagnose it in general), and all of my hpd symptoms can be explained by something else.

unstable emotions? literally just cluster b and autism.

attention seeking + tweaking when no attention? mostly just npd, but could also be somewhat catalysted by my insanely extroverted, outgoing and socially dependent personality.

dramatic behaviour? i have many outbursts or episodes of losing my shit because of a combination of trauma, autism, and just being cluster b.

exaggerated and over-the-top persona? that is literally just the artificial persona i molded myself into because my npd thought it'd make everyone love me but my npd swears this is the real me even though i'm just fabricating my personality to be closer to the idealised me i have in my head.

having "strong opinions" that are malleable and dependent on those around me? probably a combination of being an fe dominant in typology (this means my morals and decisions are based on how something affects others) and being low empathy + compassion (sometimes i can't understand or care for how something will affect others, but i try and guess / assume what the right thing to do is anyways because i'm a good person) *sorry for the typology mention in a psychological context i think many people fucking hate that in psychology/mental health spaces i don't treat it like astrology okay? 😭 i just think it's a great tool to explain and categorise the aspects of your personality unrelated to mental illness or trauma since every typology system is unique

the hpd self diagnosis was on a whim btw i was really stupid about that .. ☹️ i heard "pds are very commonly comorbid" and i took that and just diagnosed myself with whatever i found slightly relatable. i saw a vid of someone with hpd talking about their experience + they mentioned something like "we have a god complex but we hate ourselves at the same time" which helped me come to terms with my ego and grandiosity (while still thinking it was bpd and hpd), so i self diagnosed myself with npd too . while only doing the bare minimum of research 😟 like obviously i didn't think npd was symptoms: kills people, eats babies, manipulates everyone, takes over the world, is only capable of feeling evil and can never be kind ever, cause i was consciously accepting of pwnpd even though i had some demonisation still subconsciously internalised because of what society spoonfeeds us + absolutely nobody is 100% free of at least a little bit of subconscious internalised bigotry but i basically had just jumped the gun

after a while i lowkey realised that bpd and hpd did not seem to fit me . and i undiagnosed myself with npd too cause the two misdiagnoses made me assume i didn't have a pd at all. so i had a short period of "damn i guess i don't have any disorders that explain why i'm so fucked up and insane and mentally unwell"

before i found out my fp had npd. and i was like "wait, really? but they're so nice to me… honestly, it makes sense". and that motivated me to actually do research on npd because this told me i didn't understand it enough. i wanted to understand them.

that was basically how i started to realise i had npd. i tried denying a lot of correlations . and i never suspected i had npd for years because the cognitive distortions had normalised so many things to me + i quite unsuccessfully tried bottling up things i thought were mean (which basically made me believe i'm secretly an awful person and nobody knows it) . i thought my grandiose fantasies were normal until i was like 15. i thought never being able to comprehend you're in the wrong but pretending you do and apologising to "do the right thing" was normal. i thought my level of empathy was normal. i thought my jealousy and envy were nnormal. i never worded my thoughts of contempt and superiority to others in a way that was like "heh… you're so pathetic…. i'm so much better than you" it was more like "lol i'm _ and they're not" so it wasn't obvious to me that this wasn't normal . but when i did word it that way, i didn't think i was a narc i just thought i was secretly an asshole 😭 i seriously never thought my kindness had selfish intentions i thought it was normal to only be nice for people to like you ┛◠ ┛ anyways it's 2025 and i am no longer blinded by bias or delusion cognitive distortions and i know for a fact that my problem is npd!!!!!!!!! and literally nothing else i think . i am 16 and gonna "try to get diagnosed" soon (not going to ever say "i think i have npd". i'm gonna specifically mention all my narc traits to my therapist and word them in a very textbook npd way without ever lying i'm just going out of my way to tell the truth and wording it in a stereotypical npd way)

thx 4 reading i loav u (^з^)-☆chu!!]

[fairestwriting]

Hello Lis! Wow, it’s been a minute. How are you doing?

Sooo I got a request I was saving.

May I request HCs of the Music Club Trio (Cater Diamond, Kalim Al Asim, and Lilia Vanrouge) (Separately) who found out that [Reader] [Gender Neutral] [Platonic or Romance (your choice)] can sing/rap incredibly when they were alone practicing their vocals in an empty classroom? [Reader] was trying to keep their talent low-profile as they don’t like too much attention and can’t deal with embarrassment if something slips. How would the three react?

- @sanctum-of-ramshackle

hellooooo it has been a Lot of minutes huh 😭 but im surviving!!! the call of writing is one i can't bring myself to ignore .....

and! since you said both platonic and romantic are fine, im writing it more ambiguously so the other readers can see it however they prefer ;3

Cater Diamond

At first, he's too shocked to move, standing near the door and just listening in awe, but he eventually just snaps. Breaks your focus with a sound that's almost a squeak, rushing into the classroom you thought was empty way too quickly. Probably startles you into making a noise sounding just as awkward as his.

The questions of when and how you learn to sing like this start, Cater grabbing your hands and lookinf at you with big, bright eyes. And though he's usually cheerful, this degree of excitement still feels like a completely new side to him. You mumble out your explanations of how you've been practicing a long time, but had some specific boundaries...

He listens to each and every word, maybe even surprising you with the attentiveness. You might have expected requests for videos and pictures for social media posts anyway, but there are none. Instead, he cheerfully raises a hand and asks if he can practice with you. Then if you want to go to karaoke with him this weekend-- He's a bit more pushy about this one.

(If you're especially close, Cater might ask for an audio of you singing your favorite song. The intimate feeling of the request makes him nervous, but he can't really resist. Doesn't matter if your next school break is far away, he already knows he's gonna miss your singing a near painful amount.)

Kalim Al-Asim

He doesn't think twice after the first few lyrics he sees you sing so soulfully... a part of him wanted to stay by the door and listen until you were done with the song, but Kalim just can't hold back, and he rushes into the classroom just like Cater would. Unlike him, though, Kalim mostly showers you in praise.

It's a bit hard to have any sort of conversation for a bit, when he keeps guahing about how well you held that note and how emotional you sounded in that verse and how your voice was so, so, so beautiful, why didn't you share that with the club before?

...At least, with that one question, Kalim gives you enough time to explain yourself, and your concerns about unwanted attention, then the stage fright... and he does listen, though it takes a bit for him to understand. But it's definitely not in a malicious way, and you can see that. He's just so, so, so awed by how amazing your singing voice sounds.

Then, he has his own questions, a few on your background with music -- hardly the focus -- and a bunch on if you'd be willing to sing for the Music Club when they gathered. He assures, with that always sunny smile of his, that it's completely okay if you don't want to do that, but he's sure the other members would be delighted to hear you too.

And if you don't want to share that with them, Kalim asks if it's okay for him to listen to you a little more? He promises to not disrupt your practice. If you agree, you'll find that he's really an ideal audience member, clapping excitedly at the end of every song. And he happens to know one, he'll go all puppy-eyed as he asks to join you. Starting then, he'll take every opportunity to make your songs a duet.

Lilia Vanrouge

The only one who manages to stay by the door for a whole song, with that hard-to-read smile of his reaching up to his eyes. He claps as you finish your song, chuckling and fondly commenting how he had no idea you were so talented. Might spook you if you're jumpy, and it'd make him laugh too, but not without an apology. Pranks aren't the focus now.

Lilia walks up to you, looking straight into your eyes as he speaks. Part of his surprise is that your talent managed to fly under his radar for so long, when he usually picks up on these things so easily. He did have a feeling you were the type to hide your true potential for whatever reason, sure, but that's still not even remotely close to learning this secret of yours.

Lilia already mentions he's assuming you don't want to attract too much attention, or be judged, before you even start to explain. He reassures with a soft voice that he won't be sharing it with anyone you don't want to share your voice with, and his interest is more in how you got into music in the first place. If you play any instruments, if you had any training...

You see a rare glint of awe in his eyes as he speaks, it's clear that just from these few minutes of showcasing your skill, he's gained plenty of artistic interest and respect for you. He's especially curious about whether you write your own music or not. Depending on your own approach to your work, he'll honestly offer to help you... for the price of getting to be the first to hear any new songs you make, of course, he'll say with a cheeky smile.

if you wanna support my work, you can buy me a ko-fi or commission me!

[aishangotome]

[Darius Vogel] I Can't Return to a Time Before You Part 1

Crown, Her Majesty's direct assassination organization.

From the night I learned their forbidden secrets, I became a Fairytale Keeper for a limited engagement of one month.

About a week has passed since then, and I've gotten a little used to them and the darkness of England they live in --.

A cruel angel descended upon Crown Castle.

Darius: "Nice to meet you, dear members of the Crown."

Darius: I'm Darius Vogel, chief of 'Vogel,' an organization directly under the German Emperor.

Next to him were twin brothers, Nica Schwartz and Ring Schwartz, who came to stay at the palace with their chief, Darius.

Their identities and purpose are--...?

The opportunity to know a glimpse of it came soon.

In an unexpected way.

-

Darius: Thank you for accompanying me today, Fairytale Keeper.

Kate: Don't worry about it. I was just thinking of going into town for a change of pace.

When I casually replied, a sweet voice admonished me.

Darius: No, let's do that again. We're lovers today.

Darius: Did you forget about the "condition"?

(Oh, that's right...)

*earlier*

Last night, I was summoned by Victor and went to his room, where I found Victor himself and the Vogel members gathered.

Kate: A tour of the city, with me?

Darius: Ah, I would definitely like to ask you to do that.

Ring: I... don't really need a guide.

Nica: I'd like to ask you since we're here. If possible, I'd prefer it to be just the two of us, little Robin.

Darius: Just the two of us, huh? I like that idea. Let's go with that.

Nica: Huh?

While everyone except Darius blinked, only he narrowed his eyes as if his heart was dancing with exciting delusions.

Darius: But it's not very stylish to just follow the Fairytale Keeper around town in a group, like a bunch of country bumpkins.

Darius: I don't like that kind of thing.

Darius: So, I'd like you to choose one of us, Fairytale Keeper, and spend the day as their lover.

Victor: Darius, that's quite a funny joke, isn't it?

Darius: Is it difficult to write about in a report like that? Then I'll rephrase it.

Darius: The reason for requesting to be alone with each member of Vogel is to deepen your understanding of us by facing each of us individually.

Darius: No complaints about that, right?

(That reason would make it look good on the surface.)

But Victor seemed hesitant to answer.

To Crown, the Vogel members are important guests who have come for a goodwill visit.

And I am, after all, an exclusive Fairytale Keeper for Crown.

It's beyond the scope of my original job to entertain the Vogel members––but...

Victor: I'm afraid that would...put a strain on Kate, wouldn't it?

(I'm glad Victor is trying to protect me, but...)

Kate: It's all right. I'll be happy to show you around if you'd like.

(I don't want to cause friction between Crown and Vogel right away.)

(It's definitely better for both sides to build a good relationship from now on.)

Darius: Wow, you're so kind, Fairytale Keeper.

Darius: Including myself, we're all well-behaved. You don't have to worry about us biting you. Hehe, nice to meet you.

Kate: Nice to meet you too.

-

––So that's how I ended up walking around town with Darius.

(I completely forgot about the "as lovers" condition...)

Darius: Hey, hey, are you always so formal with your lovers, Fairytale Keeper?

Darius: Or could it be that this is your first time on a date with a man alone?

Darius: I'm curious about a lot of things. Can I ask you all about it?

Darius: It's okay, right? You're my lover now.

(Aside from showing him around town, the "as lovers" condition is more of a challenge than I thought...)

But there's no denying that I was the one who agreed to it, including the conditions.

(I'll do my best to get through today.)

I pulled myself together and smiled at Darius, who was staring at me with interest.

Kate: I'm sorry if I seemed distant. I'm a little nervous... After all, it's a date with my "lover."

Kate: But I'm happy to be out with you, Darius.

Darius: Well, I guess it's okay. It sounded a little rehearsed, though.

Darius: By the way, why did you choose me instead of Nica or Ring?

At that time, what was proposed was to choose one person from Vogel and spend time with them as their lover.

(The reason I chose Darius is...)

Kate: Because I wanted to know more about you.

(When you first greeted us...)

*flashback*

Darius: "A better society through the power of the cursed." That's our motto.

Darius: Even though the cursed now live in the shadows, I believe there's a more wonderful way for us to interact with society!

Darius: A future where humans and the cursed join hands... Doesn't just imagining it give you chills?

*back to present*

Every now and then, I recall those words Darius said.

(What kind of world is Darius aiming for?)

Kate: I want to know what kind of world "a future where humans and the cursed join hands" or "a new order" would be.

Darius: ………… Hmm...

Was it just the light that made his gaze seem to change?

I felt as if a darkness I didn't know had been reflected in his honey-colored eyes, which had been sweetly swaying until a moment ago.

.

.

.

Part 2

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Ateez Ideal Type

Alright, time to look into these boys Ideal type, as this was a request, but also something I wanted to myself, so here we go.

Okay, some of these cards flew out aggressively lol They got stuff to say about this. I will stress I keep it real, I take whatever messages come to me, it isn't always pretty. We are all flawed beings, no judgment here. Anyway, let's get into this.

Hongjoong (Ace of Wands/Goddess of the Moon) Okay, his seems like the most straightforward or easier to understand first look. He would want someone with fire and passion. Who has that spark of energy and fire. He definitely has to be physically/sexually attracted to this person. I would say he wants someone with a mysterious tone to them. A contemplated and reflective soul. I am getting he would like someone with hint of an energetic side, but also quiet and reserved as well. He would also want someone to inspire and energize him as well. I can see him being inspired by his ideal type as well.

Seonghwa (The Magician/Third Chakra Archangel Chamuel) He would want someone who makes things happen. He wants someone motivated, determined and confident. A person with strong will and can endure a lot. A multi-talented and skilled individual. I am getting no slob, wtf does that mean? But that keeps popping up. You got to have your sh** together with him. Umm, you got to have some masculine energy with him, don't know what his preference is, never assume with idols, but women can have this to, as I have strong masculine energy as a woman, but a strong go getter mindset. If you are the type that gets nothing done in life, bye bit** is what I heard, he isn't here for that lol This dude. Moving on.

Yunho (Knight of Swords/Anxiety) Okay, trying to understand how this is an ideal type? He wants someone anxious or hesitant? Okay, maybe he wants someone who can communicate their worries to him. To cry on his shoulder, okay, that is kind of cute lol He wants someone willing to communicate to him whatever is on their mind. I see him wanting someone who is also not afraid to be confrontational as well. Like share whatever is on your mind. Man, the more I read on him, the more I like him. I am being pulled back to his dynamic reading and how he was able to understand the perspective of each member, it is like he will understand his partners worries, so they shouldn't be afraid to express their worries or themselves. Wow, I really like his energy. This is sweet.

Yeosang (Judgment/Woman Holding Coin) Well, he went specific with oracle card lol Okay, this is weird, what is this? He would want someone to help him grow, maybe help build his finances. He would want a business Savy person. I am getting someone highly critical and judgmental, someone with high standards, I am getting strong Earth placements here. He would someone well put together. A strong independent person. I am also getting someone who is always willing to grow and work on themselves. I am also getting someone who is admired by others, or who have others who work under them, I guess he would want someone who has some sort of power. Okay, that was kind of wild lol Where these messages take me sometimes.

San (9 of Swords/Broken Heart) I see these cards and I am like why, why, why? These cards are so sad. I am confused. I look at the 9 of swords and mental anguish pops up. I look at the oracle card and feeling hurt pops up, has he been hurt? Am I not getting his ideal type, because he has been hurt that he doesn't care about an ideal type? Okay, so I got, what is the point of an ideal type, they are all the same, yikes. Yeah, I don't think he particularly has an ideal type right now.

Mingi (10 of Wands/The Thinking Woman) He would want someone who can endure a lot and can handle a lot. Who wouldn't buckle under the pressure. He would want someone smart, bold and an intellectual. Someone always willing to learn, maybe someone observant, who reads a lot and gather information. Someone transformative. Also, someone willing to listen. Someone with a lot of thoughts, someone contemplative and reflective. I think he would want them not to be overly emotional, a bit stoic. Resilient and strong. And a sense of independence. Man, his energy is a bit difficult for me, because he thinks fast and has a lot to say and messages always come really quick with him, I can't keep up lol

Wooyoung (9 of Wands/Woman Holding Heart) He would want a loving, caring, sensitive person, someone vulnerable, but he would also want someone who protects and guards themselves as well, a bit contradicting here. I am like, how do you have the 9 of wands, but the woman holding heart card? These are two different energies. It is like he would want someone to hold strong in front of others, but bring their more sensitive side with him, kind of makes sense, since he can be similar to this, but I will see when I do them as a boyfriend. It is like being sensitive and caring, but also having boundaries and holding your own. Okay, that kind of makes sense.

Jongho (Knave of Wands/Walking Away) Boy, what is this? Okay, what this is giving me, I can't with this dude lol I am just going to go with it, anyway, he would want someone who is curious, adventurous, likes to explore, have fun, try new things, but willing to walk away when it is done, yup, that is what I am getting, like this was fun, bye. Wtf dude, whatever do you, I say they should have fun. His ideal type is someone who is willing to have fun with it, but he wouldn't want something serious. I got willing to go for the ride and then move on. Man, can't wait to see what type of boyfriend he will be lol

[carmenized-onions]

It’s been a little while since you’ve posted on here so I hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself!!! 💖

my darling loves, I'm so sorry

I'VE BEEN SO EMBARRASSED. I HAVEN'T WANTED TO SHOW MY FACE AROUND THIS TOWN BECAUSE I'VE GOT NOTHING TO SHOW FOR MYSELF AFTER TAKING SUCH A LONG TIME AWAY FROM YOU ALL.

I've been. violently busy. in a good way, mostly. One of my jobs is the best job in the world and the other one is such a bitch it makes me scream every day forever.

but i'm also spending time with friends and enjoying life !

My mom also finished her last chemo appointment just a few weeks ago!!! YIPEEE!!!! Her CT Scans look GOOD!! so no chemo for the foreseeable future. She's unfortunately got the type of cancer that doesn't go away, but at the very least, it's MANAGEABLE. And that's a huge win. I'm very very grateful.

I ALSO FOUND A THERAPIST!!! gone to 2 sessions so far. every session she uncovers a new fucked up facet of me and honestly, can anyone else relate to this, it's sort of nice for someone else to look at your life and go like "oh wow. oh wow there's like. there's like so much here." like it feels good to think oh hurray. i'm not crazy. life IS fucked!

MY BROTHER MOVED!!! this took up a lot of my time, honestly. i love him and my nephew and my sister in law dearly. so i spent a long time making their gifts. i'm silly.

OUR CAT GOT SICK!!! HE'S GOT PEE CRYSTALS CAUSE HE'S OLD!!!!! HE'S DOING OKAY NOW THOUGH!! HIS STUPID URINARY FOOD IS SO EXPENSIVE THOUGH!!!

ANYWAYS. those are my major life updates right. So what's with the no chapter happening??

i. hated. the draft i'm working on so much. that i didn't work on it for like. a month.

and then in a haze. i left myself this voice to text note in my notes app as i was falling asleep one night.

then i hated that too. a week passes. perhaps two, actually.

i finally gain the courage one night to read my draft over.

it's actually not bad at all

it's actually pretty good

some scenes definitely need reworking but that's because i need to fully realize some character feelings

I just had really intense writers' block and fatigue, honestly. But i'm finally writing and EXCITED about it, again. I'm pulling that shit up on my commute and writing whenever i can. which makes me really happy. i was not loving the way it felt like a chore, for a minute there.

that said.

100% going to be more realistic with this chapter waiting timeline, and put a 'hiatus' or some sort of 'delays' tracker on my landing page. cause like. i keep saying check back in 2 weeks. and that's not fair to me or you girl. let's keep it real.

i think we're like.... hm... 50-60% there. (i'll update my landing the day after this post, it's late and i'm eepy)

i MIGHT write some blurbs in the mean time, it really depends. i keep having ideas and then they blink out of existence. perhaps send ideas. i might do something with them.

BUT YES I AM OKAY AND ALIVE. My silence came from a LOT of life stuff getting in the way and also a lot of honestly embarrassment. i hate coming out here over and over and being like haha. i've got nothing <3

but i know that y'all will understand, and i need to trust in y'all's patience more. and i'm GONNA!!!

gonna try to start up my 'answering one ask a day' trend again. except wednesdays. i work late on wednesdays so fuck that. but perhaps all the other days you'll hear from me.

alright. i'm going to shut up now. was any of this coherent? i don't know. thank you for listening!! i missed you dearly!!

[oh-three]

Skeleton Crew S1E3:

That droid really just came up to them and said, "Yeah, you're never gonna see your kids again." Damn.

Jod just pulled an Obi-Wan.

"Without a ship, what use was freeing myself from the cell?" I mean, fair enough. But like. He could have totally stolen one if he wanted to.

Love how Jod's giving them a lesson on blending in. It was obviously him teaching them so they don't hinder him, but he disguised that well.

LMAO. Jod trying to say that their ship couldn't smell as bad as this one ship, and it's the same fucking ship. 🤣

YOU ARE NOT LEAVING SM-33.

Jod may be Force-sensitive, but my man is definitely not a Jedi.

JOD IS SILVO. I KNEW IT.

He's…actually unfamiliar with SM-33. Wow. Also, rip random battle droid.

HOW DID THE RAT GET BACK???????

"Brutus let you out, did he?" No. No, he did not.

dramatic cut to Silvo and SM-33 escaping

I actually don't know which is his real name. Huh.

Omg, I heard an AOTC sound effect.

Anyway, love the familiar bits of music from the movies scattered in with the new stuff.

Holy shit, that fuel line did some damage.

SM-33 and Silvo are not getting along well.

Also, SM-33 seems like he might be up to something as well.

Hammocks :D

"Not everything in the galaxy can be calculated." Well, he's not wrong.

That moon looks…like the moon.

Silvo trying to explain betrayal and just going, "Ugh, you'll understand when you're old" is the funniest thing ever.

Well, he's right not to trust his "friend."

"Crimson Jack." How many alias does this guy have? I mean, obviously this person knows that's not his name, but that's not the point.

OMG, SHE'S AN OWL.

Narnia. Kh'ymm looks like she's out of Narnia.

Rip, they don't even know about Alderaan. That's awkward.

Kh'ymm is kind of terrifying actually. Adorable, but terrifying.

"Is the Jedi giving you trouble?" Yeah, he really had him clocked fro the moment they met.

Well, at least he admitted it.

SM-33 with the blowtorch haha.

He really called New Republic x-wings goons and they believed him 🤣

Yeahhhh, he knows that ship. If he didn't, he wouldn't know where the gun compartments were.

"If I told you, you wouldn't believe me." Awesome line to end on though.

[daltonsnightmare]

I am asking you directly to please tell me your honest thoughts about this episode 😀

- @mistyyrayne

oh no.....I don't think you realize what you just did. You really want to hear me talk about what's possibly my least favorite episode of the series? Are you sure? Certain?

I had to rewatch it just so I could accurately reference certain parts, and I amend my earlier statement- it definitely is my least favorite. Sorry to anyone who enjoys this episode (5x06 enjoyers, please beware) these are just my own opinions to be taken with a grain of salt (I really don't mean to be so harsh with it, but. well...)

cue me ranting under the cut 🤪

To be fair, I watched this episode for the first time in November last year. Would my opinion on it have changed if I had seen it when it first aired? Probably, but the fact is I didn't, and so I found myself physically recoiling at Mac singing about Fauci on the ukulele. I just....have no words.

Onto the facetime with Mac and Desi....oh boy. So. Mac sent a ("very, very detailed") apology letter to Desi for the events of last season. Ok, alright, that's cool- I'm not going to delve into whether or not he needed to apologize for most of the events in the first place, that's for another time. It's been shown before that he sometimes struggles with apologies (2x04 comes to mind, with 6 voicemails to prove it) so the fact that he wrote a lengthy letter to apologize shows he sincerely wants things to be better between them.

The only reason I have an issue with this is because...well I could be misremembering, but did we ever get to see Desi apologize to Mac? Like at all? She didn't trust him. Full stop. She didn't trust that he had a plan. That he could still do his job despite the crushing grief and guilt he was feeling, and because she didn't trust that he knew what he was doing, he had to use extreme measures to escape the Phoenix that ended up with her and Russ getting hurt. Even after she learned he hadn't been a "traitor" and stopped Codex, she still held what he did against him. All signs of a healthy and functional relationship :) She also failed at the job she was explicitly trusted by Jack to do when she waved a gun in Mac's face, but also. not the time or place for that right now haha smiling. smiling normally

Anyways, Mac goes on to express concerns about their relationship going forward, and lightheartedly but pointedly brings up the fact that she may be delaying the conversation (which has precedence) and Desi begins to vent about the circumstances that led her to quarantining with her parents- which is all very understandable! She's under a lot of stress, and racist assholes are targeting her parents, she has every right to be upset. But. but but but. She takes on an accusatory tone and lays into Mac about it, causing him to apologize and immediately retract what he said. which...I'm certainly no expert on relationships, but I feel like there's just something so wrong with that.

He was trying to start a dialogue about the future of their relationship, which I think is quite understandable- he wants something stable in such a tumultuous time, and it isn't just the Pandemic, either. Did we as the audience all forget he not only lost Jack, Charlie, James, and Gwen within the same year? Of course not but I bet you the writers did. So much has changed around him and it's no wonder he feels so unstable.

Desi, on the other hand, doesn't have any desire to define their relationship right now, being too preoccupied with everything else going on- also quite understandable! What irks me to no end, however, is that they made it so Mac was the unreasonable one here. Desi shuts his concerns down, and to be fair, she was called away to tend to her parents, but there's not even any follow up of like "we'll talk later," or "I hear you, but I can't do this right now." No, just leave him in limbo, it's fine. He'll be fine, he always is.

But even after all this, (and I'm sure you're thinking, wow dude, chill out, calm down) that wasn't even what makes me despise this episode.

It's how they wrote Bozer.

On what fucking planet would this dude not tell his best friend that his mom (who had also been the closest thing Mac had to a mother during his adolescence as well) is sick? during the pandemic??????

Well, you might say, Mac hasn't been a good friend to him recently. OKAY?? AND??? That's not the kind of thing you'd keep from someone you're that close to, regardless of the circumstance. AND WHY DOES EVERY BIT OF THE BLAME KEEP GETTING SHIFTED TO MAC. After this dogshit year he's had, losing the people he loves, being under enormous amounts of stress, his teammates not trusting him, the usual near-death experiences, he hasn't had a fucking break. NO SHIT HE'S BEEN "COMPLETELY MIA" and not noticing Bozer's been struggling. Mac needs some serious help and he's not getting any. If anything, Bozer would be the one TO NOTICE IT WITH MAC.

I wish I could say I could see Bozer getting upset about this in-character, but I just can't. I personally don't think Bozer berating Mac for being a shitty friend is justified AT ALL. So yeah, this episode pisses me off to the extreme. I think there were a lot of good choices they made with Bozer's character in the later seasons (like him being more confident on missions) but this? ABSOLUTELY not one of them. It just blew me out of the water. I'm astonished they made him seem like such an asshole just for the sake of this plotline. He would never not share something as serious as his mom being sick with Mac and that's a hill I will always die on.

Admittedly sometimes I look at my favorite characters through rose-tinted glasses sometimes, but a majority of the shit that gets pinned on Mac in s4 and s5 genuinely does not seem like his fault? Maybe I'm wrong- If you have a differing opinion on any of this, I wouldn't mind hearing it. Prove me wrong, I'd be happy to be proven wrong here, because I adore all these characters so much. I feel like they've been done a major disservice, not just in this episode, but in these last two seasons especially.

Ok I'm sorry but I was gonna do a play by play of the rest of the episode, but I'm 16 minutes in and I'm already in a seething rage about this LMFAO so I'm gonna stop right here. excuse me while I go bash my head through the nearest brick wall

anyways, in summary/TLDR:

How about I end this off with some positivity, huh? Things I DID like about this episode are that Mac, Riley, and Bozer all got to quarantine together. The beginning scene where they were all hanging out in the living room was almost like a s1-2 scene where they were hanging out on the deck. Almost.

OH I also liked when Bozer was explaining the plan and they all acted it out, I love when they do that (also great in 3x12 Fence + Suitcase + Americium-241, they do that same thing there)

[velvetvexations]

Some morrrrre enby takes, plus one about the concept of binary privilege, and as a reminder to be safe...

Disrespecting yourself is when you use the term you actively prefer apparently. It would be much more respectful of me to call myself words that actively make me uncomfortable.

"Grown ass adults should not be embracing immaturity" Wow, absolute dogshit take. Why not? Why are adults not allowed to embrace 'childish' things? Why does it matter how other people refer to themselves, it literally does not effect you if other adults use words or like things that you (general you) think are too childish. I myself am in my 30s and that just sounds to me like more of the same garbage that's always been shoved down everyone's throats about how fun stops at adulthood, no watching shows aimed at kids or having stuffed animals or wearing fun clothes because if you do no one with take you Seriously. No calling yourself a boy or a girl or an enby because those are baby words for babies and letting someone call you that is allowing yourself to be disrespected. Like I'm sorry but that's also the same logic others use to misgender me when I say I use it/it's pronouns, that to them it's disrespectful so I'm really the problem for preferring it. I cannot stress this enough, how other people define themselves and what words they feel comfortable with is none of your business and someone liking a word you don't is not a threat to you. Also like, some of us feel out of touch with our actual ages for one reason or another and may enjoy childish specifically because they're childish, and again, that isn't anyone's business but their own. You can hate being called something, you can want there to be more variety in what terms are commonly used to refer to nonbinaries as a group, you can tell people to not ever uses a specific word to refer to you, and you can be upset that a word you don't like is being used as a default, but you don't ever get to police how other people feel about it or what they call themselves. I am an adult who has never been able to really conceptualize myself as an adult or even a human due in large part to autism and ptsd, and I'm going to call myself an enby and an it regardless of other more Serious Adults are shaking their head and judging me for it, because my identity is for me, not for the approval of others. I didn't mean to go off quite that hard or get so worked up, sorry if that was too aggressive Velvet, I know you don't really have a horse in this race.

As a nonbinary man (as one of mnay mostly-fitting labels), I have deeply mixed feelings on the question of "is enby infantilizing as a default?" because, On the one hand, I understand the linguistic argument that it is on the grounds that many of the most common nouns that end in a long E sound are diminutives or otherwise "cutesy" (baby, puppy, kitty, cutie, mommy, daddy...) - even if the etymology isn't as infantilizing as some myths make it out to be, it doesn't exist in a vacuum with regards to existing language NOR with regards to common stereotypes of nonbinary people, and those things can DEFINITELY be argued to collide in a pretty unfortunate way, On the other hand, there are a lot of people - not everyone who makes the argument, but enough to be a derailing factor in the conversation - whose arguments against it DO come from exclusionist myths about etymology, or worse, "vibes" such that when you take even the slightest look under the surface you see that they've either internalized the stereotype that nonbinary people (other than themselves of course) are all just white teenage girls trying to be special, or at the very least they're letting that stereotype have WAY too much control over them, and often nearly get to the point of saying that ANYTHING other than the longform and almost clinical "nonbinary person" would be too infantilizing, But on the third, transhuman robot hand, well, isn't the line between "letting the stereotype have too much control" and "acknowledging the fact that the language doesn't exist in a vacuum and can have unfortunate implications due to how the sounds of English interact with that stereotype" kind of blurry in the first place? And on the fourth cyborg hand, we STILL haven't gotten the damned exclusionists who will argue for OR against it in bad faith to shut up! Personally I'm on board with the idea of "enban" and "enby" to have the same relationship as "woman" and "girl" + "man" and "boy" - references to the same category of genders, with the appropriate word chosen based on context and Vibes that are loosely but not entirely based on the age of the person in question - but I'm not super invested in the specifics; I like to study them more than direct them, so I'm not gonna be personally offended if that's not what takes off or anything.

i think enby is fine for the most part but as someone who has identified as genderqueer since before people started widely using nb it does bother me a little bit in the same way as a lot of language shifts around "other" genders that there's an assumption that everyone who uses them identifies with the term "nonbinary", which i honestly wouldn't mind as much as an umbrella term if it wasn't for the fact that a large driving force behind this shift was "you can't say genderqueer because queer is a slur and that's icky" (and also the most widely used nonbinary flag was created both because of this and because "too many afabs are genderqueer so it's not a welcoming label for transfems!!" (the person who coined genderqueer is transfem) and i know like nobody knows that anymore but it still stings)

As a black nonbinary person I never understood why nb had to just mean non black or non binary??? thats dumb. anything can be shorted to its starting/defining letters. thats like when people got mad at twitter/tiktok users for shortening white to yr to save space and they weee all like "thats youtube!!" its dumb and no one ever needed to act like they couldn't share a term when context will make it clear what youre talking about. enby is a perfectly grown up word that just fine to personally feel like it doesn't fit without implying that a term many adults comfortably use is infintalizing. just say you dont like it because its not accurate and ask people to use what works for you!

Yeah honestly the enby over NB conversation was... bad. And particularly galling as someone who is a) nonbinary and b) Australian Aboriginal because so much of the framing of it was this very American-centric, 'how fucking dare you not be aware of Black American conversations' vibe from the same people who scream and cry and piss themselves every time one of us calls ourselves Blak or says "hey if you're into omegaverse can you please not use the term a/b/o without the slashes, it's a pretty violent slur towards us" or rejects the term POC as not being relevant to our experience of racism on our own land or literally anything else about our oppression that doesn't centre American voices. It exposed a really ugly side to a lot of anti-racism advocates, many of whom *weren't even Black themselves but white 'allies'* and I really hope we're not about to rehash it just because some people don't like seeing 'enby'. I'm Australian. It's culturally impossible for me to spell out an entire word when there's a shortened nickname version available. Sorry.

“NB exclusively means nonblack” “enby came about as a result of black bloggers saying not to use it” wrong actually! It was a result of white saviors saying that black bloggers said not to use it: we never did ^-^ hope this helps!!

This whole discussion of 'binary privellege' has made me think more about my thoughts about the term privellege overall. I really think its about time we stop referring to marginalized groups as having privilege over one another. Like. I believe that transmisogyny, transandrophobia, and exorsexism are all real forms of oppression. Trans men, trans women, and nonbinary people experience oppression in forms that are often different from each other. But if two people each have privellege over the other in certain areas, doesn't that kind of just balance out to them being the same amount of privelleged? They should be able to talk about their own experiences and what makes them different, but trying to measure which marginalized group has privellege over another one just seems like a waste of time. As a nonbinary person, I face a lot of exorsexism. There's types of transphobia that I experience which the binary trans people around me generally don't. Does that mean they have binary privilege? Absolutely not! The oppression they face isn't better or worse, it's just different. That doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to talk about my experiences or have words to describe them. It doesn't mean my experiences aren't important or worth discussing. But I think framing the difference as 'privelege' inherently implies that my oppression is worse than theirs... and that's the problem. They aren't any better off than i am. We're both still facing bigotry, that bigotry just doesn't look exactly the same. Anyway sorry if this is rambly or doesn't make sense. Brain fog is fucking me up right now but hopefully I've managed to edit it enough to be somewhat coherent. This may or may not be my 5th attempt at writing this ask but at least I THINK it makes sense this time

[pbforeva]

after this i’ll probably switch to updating every other day 😔

but enjoyyyy

part 9!

**TW: DV**

—

Evelyn's pov:

No, she's wrong. Blake isn't abusive. He would never do that to me, he loves me. She just doesn't get it, I mean many people don't. I pick myself up from the bench I was sitting on and attempt to wipe a few tears. I start my walk back to my apartment with Blake, when I realize I don't have my phone.

It's ok, I don't need my phone, currently, I just need Blake. Oh shoot, I still haven't texted him. Well, I guess seeing me is better than a text. Soon I arrive at my door and I slowly open it.

"Blake," I call throughout the apartment with tears streaming down my face.

"Evelyn? Where the fuck were you?" He asks in an angered tone.

"I'm sorry, I lost my phone," I choke out, as my tears increase.

"Yeah, well were you cheating on me?" He asks, while slamming his hand next to my face.

"No-no I would never, you know-" I try to say, but suddenly I'm cut off by Blake punching me in the side of my face. I feel blood start to spread throughout my mouth.

"You know, I don't believe you," he yells out before he pushes me to the ground.

"I TOLD YOU TO TEXT ME," he shouts as he gets on top of me and starts hitting me all over. My mind is spinning and my hearing is fading, the only consistent thing is the hits raining down on me.

Blake's pov:

She deserves this. All I asked was for her to text me, was that really so difficult? After I didn't get a text by ten p.m., I went over to Aurora's dorm to see if she was there. I knocked, and I knocked a few more times before I threw my hands up in frustration because no one answered. She was definitely cheating me.

Rage has over taken me and I can barely control my own actions. I continue to yell at her, hitting her anywhere I can think to.

After about ten minutes, my rage begins to subsides, and I stop hitting her. I get up off the floor and make my way to the kitchen, I grab a rag, wet it a bit, and start to clean off my bloodied knuckles. I hate when she makes me do this to her. She knows I don't like to hurt her, why can't she just be a good girlfriend?

I walk back out to the living room and look at my Evelyn. Wow, I don't think I've ever hit her this hard, especially near her face. Whatever, this isn't my problem to deal with. She'll wake up in the morning and clean herself up, along with the blood splattered floor.

I probably won't come back for a day or two. She looks horribly ugly right now and I don't want to see that. She is so incredibly sad all the time as well, I'll come back when she is a bit more pleasant looking. Why would I stick around right now when I could be with hotter girls? Evelyn is my safety net, no matter how many girls I get with, I won't ever let her get away.

Paige's pov:

Today has been a tough day. Aurora went to the beach, alone, and turned off her phone because she needs a little bit to collect herself. Although I can't blame her, it would be nice to have someone to talk to about Evelyn's predicament.

I can't talk to KK about this because this would be a big burden on her. She loves to fix things because she's a bit uncomfortable when around serious situations, and I don't want to put my stress on her.

Aubrey is out of the question because she would suggest we would go tell the authorities. We don't even have evidence, and Evelyn denying it wouldn't help our case. She just doesn't get everything.

I guess I could tell Azzi. She always understands, knows how to comfort me, and keep it respectful. I guess I'll go talk to Azzi about it. No way I'm getting up though, my bed is way comfier than hers.

AZZI BOO

Hey, can you come to my room?

Yeah, what's up?

I have to talk to you about

something

Yeah, I'll be right there

After about five minutes, a confused Azzi stumbles into my room. She comes to sit on the bed with me, noticing the stressed out look in my eyes.

"What did you want to talk about?" Azzi questions me gently.

"It's about Evelyn," I say while looking down. Looking up, I continue, "I think she's being abused by her boyfriend," I finish with my voice breaking. I watch as Azzi's face twists with a mix of emotions, fear and dismay being the most prevalent.

"What? How? Wait where is she?" She says, the words almost running out of her mouth.

"I'm not exactly sure, she left about twenty minutes ago," I reply.

"Well how do you know?" She questions me further.

"Well, at the party, I was just watching everyone, not really feeling the dancing. I eventually saw Aubrey and Evelyn dancing together and having good time, but then Evelyn's shirt came up and her whole stomach was covered in bruises. Also, at the end of the night, I ended changing her and I noticed four small, circular bruises around one of her wrists." I utter as the weight of it all comes down on my shoulders, realizing how dire the situation is.

"Oh gosh," Azzi said, seeming to be at a loss for words. Finding the strength to talk again, she says, "We should go find her and make sure she's safe."

I agree and quickly wipe the tears from my eyes before we go. Wait, I don't know where she lives. Although, she did leave her phone here.

I grab her phone and open it, I'm surprised there isn't a password, but it's helping me so, whatever. I go to her google maps and tap on the location that's labeled 'home'.

Azzi and I begin the walk to her apartment. The walk is short, and we continue to talk about Evelyns situation. Eventually we arrive, and it's been about forty minutes since she left. That much couldn't have happened, right?

The door is cracked open by a bloodied rag. Oh gosh, what happened? Azzi and I make eye contact, knowing this isn't a good sign. I push the door open and walk a few steps into the kitchen. I start scanning the apartment for any sign of Evelyn, and I stop on the living room floor, where I see a bloodied Evelyn, laying in a pool of blood.

Oh gosh, why did I let her leave? That was stupid, this is all my fault. I call out to Azzi, telling her to come here, as I run over to Evelyn. Tears prick in my eyes as I notice the extent of her injuries. Her nose seems to be broken, along with a few ribs, the Uconn hoodie she went home in now across the room. I attempt to check her breathing, when my heart stops for a second.

"AZZI," I yell out, "She's barely breathing! Call someone," I scream with tears streaming down my face. I hear Azzi calling 911 as I begin to pray over Evelyn's unconscious body.

—

I decided to make this chapter a cliff hanger because @ollieslesbo said she loves them so much 🤗

[patibato]

[Liguang SR] R1ze on the Stage - Virtue Lies in Your Own Hands

Liguang: (The hospitality work from the other day… sure enough, moving the flower word art to a later date was no good. I'd like to keep hold of the tourists we can reliably draw in.)

…We'll have to increase the number of flower word art instructors, I suppose.

(It would be nice if there were some promising personnel somewhere…)

Sojun: Boss.

If you are looking for someone who has the talent to teach flower word art—how about the Day Team's Kinugawa Kiroku?

Liguang: Kinugawa?

Sojun: I have obtained one of his drawings. Here.

Liguang: …Not bad.

Liguang: Apologies for the abrupt call.

Kiroku: Ah, no, um…

Wh… why, do you, need… m-me, Lu-san?

Liguang: I won't beat around the bush. Are you interested in teaching flower word art?

Kiroku: …Flower, word… art…?

Liguang: I hear you specialise in analogue art. Based on your skilled handling of the materials, I want to hire you as a flower word art instructor.

Kiroku: (Did Lu-san just, compliment me…?)

Um… thank, you very, much…

I do… enjoy, drawing… but… I've never… done, flower word art… before.

…Ah… but, it might be nice, to try?

Liguang: Giving it a go yourself is the quickest way, then. Let's get going.

Kiroku: …Huh? G-going… to… where?

Liguang: You'll understand once we get there. Sojun.

Sojun: Right away.

Kiroku: !?

(Where was he…)

Liguang: Don't be so panicked. Just stay calm and we'll arrive soon.

Kiroku: (This is, kidnapping…! Where are they taking me…!?)

Part 2

Kiroku: (This is, Lu-san's house… It's huge. Excessively huge.)

Liguang: Let's get right to it. I've already seen what you can do. Could you learn flower word art, and become a valuable asset of Ward 4?

Kiroku: …Me, a… valuable asset?

Liguang: That's right. I have an example here. Start by trying to do it the way you want to.

*clack*

Kiroku: Doing, that… so suddenly…

Liguang: Just try.

Kiroku: Uu… o-okay…

*footsteps*

Linxing: Hey heeey! Is this the guy you want as an instructor?

Kiroku: -…!

Liguang: Don't run in the hallway, Linxing. And don't yell either. You'll frighten Kinugawa.

Linxing: So your name is Kinugawa-kun~! I'm Linxing! His younger sister, as you can probably tell!

Kiroku: Y… y-yeah.

Liguang: Look. I had Kinugawa try some flower word art.

Linxing: Woah! You made this, Kinugawa-kun? Your sense of style is insane!

Kiroku: !

(I-I got complimented again…!)

Th… thank, you… very much.

Linxing: But, there's a secret technique to making it e~ven better. It's very valuable, but I'll teach it to you!

Kiroku: …Um, like this…?

Linxing: Wow, amazing! You did it~! Really well, too!

Kiroku: …Um, th-thank…

Linxing: Okay okay, do this next!

Liguang: (He's even keeping up with Linxing's nonsensical teaching methods… he's exceeded my expectations.)

Linxing: You know, you're good at art, and tall and cool to boot, so I bet you're pretty popular, right~?

Kiroku: Huh… …no… I'm not, at, all.

Linxing: Wha~t!? They must have no taste! I wouldn't be able to miss you if I was your classmate~!

Kiroku: That…

Linxing: Ah~ but I guess it'd be boring if absolutely everybody noticed your charm…

I'm sure it'd be more fun if I could keep your good points all to myself. Y'know?

Kiroku: Ah, um…

Liguang: Kinugawa.

Kiroku: ! Y-yes!

Liguang: Just so you're aware, she does have a boyfriend.

Kiroku: Ah…

(Lu-san is, misunderstanding… what do I do?)

Linxing: Come o~n! You're way too overprotective! I was just complimenting him, Kinugawa-kun definitely wasn't thinking of it like that either~!

Liguang: Don't be absurd. You understand far too little of men's hearts. I'm saying this for Kinugawa's sake.

Linxing: Alright, alright. Jee~z. I'm sorry, okay Onii-chan? Now, let's keep going, Kinugawa-kun!

Kiroku: …Okay.