#I don't think dark souls 2 does a good job of. Why is this even a relevant question. Why do I care.

[death-rebirth-senshi]

I think it's interesting to look at ideas they played with in dark souls 3 that made their way into Elden Ring, because while I don't think the Lord of Londor ending is nothing, it's fairly. A whole load of nonsense that's just kind of there.

And like, to a degree that fits the vibe of dark souls 3. It's all a whole load of nonsense; linking the fire, an age of dark, usurping the fire, it's all equally desperate attempts at mending a world that started circling the drain long ago.

And becoming Elden Lord in Elden Ring is similarly kind of vague as far as what it means and what exactly you accomplish by becoming elden lord. And it's similar to me in the way these desperate masses bow to you and beg for you to "make Londor whole", somehow.

Slightly less vague in Elden Ring; like the first flame, the Elden Ring has power, and power specifically to enforce a new Order upon the lands. And you get to choose what kind of Order that will be, or you can reject it and burn it all down, or you can reject it for something dark and frightening and uncertain.

[oldtvandcomics]

The Lucifer/Alastor rivalry is so fun, because, well, Hell's Greatest Dad sing-off, but also, while they have strikingly similar designs, Alastor is much, MUCH better at being satanic than Lucifer is.

First of all, they really look VERY similar. In a show where every character has such a unique design, I remember feeling disappointed the first time I saw a picture of what Lucifer would look like, because it was so similar to Alastor. Same general shape, same coat, they even both have a staff of some kind. Only of course, if you were to remove all the apple, snake and radio elements from their costumes and show this picture to someone who doesn't know Hazbin Hotel and ask which of the two is the Devil, they would definitely pick Alastor. He is taller, wears dark red instead of white, and his ears look like horns.

It goes even further. Among all demons, Alastor is by far the most demonic. When he transforms he really becomes absolutely monstrous. Lucifer meanwhile is angelic.

Within the story, Lucifer doesn't do much, especially not any Devil activities. He's just trying to dissociate from his depression by making rubber ducks. Meanwhile, Alastor is the one who is working hard on gaining power, he is the one manipulating people, killing those who get in his way and chaining souls to himself by making deals. He is the one who uses his political connections to get Charlie an army at the end, and despite not being able to kill Adam, he does a very good job holding his own against him.

Hell's Greatest Dad was not about being Charlie's father figure, it was about Alastor trying to take Lucifer's place. Quite literally. "Can you butt out of my song!" "Your song?! I started this!" "I'm singing it, I'll finish it!" Yeah, so this is at the same time about 1) the literal song they're singing, 2) Charlie's life, and 3) Alastor taking Lucifer's place by pushing him to the side.

I still don't know why Alastor decided that picking a fight with Lucifer upon sight was a good idea, but, like, we can all agree that he is aiming for his place, mostly by getting Charlie to depend on him. Which is also what his line in Ready For This was: "She's filled with potential that I could guide / Stick with her you'll be on the winning side!"

Many people theorize that Alastor is the final bad guy in the show. I don't think so, he is WAY too likeable. He is, however, firmly on his own side, and will go against Charlie if he thinks that he'd benefit from it. And then switch back the last moment, obviously. He panicked now about being too kind, next season, he's going to try and be more ruthless, try to stop caring about the people he clearly started to consider his friends. But he has to end up on the side of the heroes for the audience to be happy. Villains need to be destroyed, we do NOT want Alastor to be destroyed.

No, in my opinion, he is going to take Lucifer's place as the Devil.

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 天国と地獄 ~サイコな2人～/ Tengoku to Jigoku: Psychona Futari / Heaven and Hell: Soul Exchange.

Heaven and Hell: Soul Exchange is a 2021 Japanese drama about a headstrong cop, the shady CEO she suspects of being a serial killer, and what happens when they magically switch bodies.

With a premise like that, there are basically two tonal choices: You can make it a wacky comedy, or you can get real fucked-up and dark about it. This 10-episode series somehow manages the secret third thing of splitting the difference, so it's got a lot of deliciously fucked-up stuff in the setup, but it never quite has the courage of its convictions to go all the way. What that gets you is the kind of frustrating that you can't stop thinking about afterward, both for what it did and what it didn't have the guts to do.

So! If you're interested in a story that's compelling and occasionally very funny, with just enough unrealized potential that your brain keeps batting it around like a kitten with a squeaky toy at 4AM, I have five reasons that you might want to give this one a shot.

1. Half-Trans: Full Trans Consequences

We're gonna hit this one right off the bat: This is a story where a girl and boy trade bodies, so you know it's got the genders.

Mochizuki Ayako is the only female cop in her department. She's headstrong, kind of obnoxious, a slob, and not particularly feminine -- so of course the dude cops hate her. In the process of investigating a serial murder, she comes across Hidaka Haruto, who's got that kind of smug sinister aura of a smart man who's clearly hiding some shit, though all his underlings love him. When they unexpectedly bodyswap with no idea how to switch back, they're forced to keep one another's lies going so they don't both wind up in jail, except she's still trying to catch him and he's still trying to get away with it.

They work a very good contrast with the difference in their respective attachments to their genders. Despite her hardass demeanor and her lack of super-femme presentation, Mochizuki is without question a woman. She's deeply uncomfortable in a male body, and when someone calls her a man, her instinct is to deny it. Having to deal with a borrowed penis nearly gives her a meltdown.

Hidaka, on the other hand, is a fruity little guy whose first response to finding himself inside a woman's body is to get all girly and take it for a test drive. It's less that he's transfeminine and more that he just really doesn't seem all that attached to any gender. He's got boobs now, and boobs are what he's going to make work for him. Regardless of his sexuality -- and the show does leave that one a big row of question marks -- his gender is gay.

There's also some fairly solid bodyswap acting! ...kinda. Both actors have unfortunately different interpretations of Mochizuki's character. If you're being charitable, it's true she's freaking out and having some kind of gender dysphoria the entire time she's in boy mode, which could explain why she's much softer and girlier when she's being played by the male actor, Takahashi Issei. If you're more inclined to nitpick, well, you're not wrong that the performances don't line up. That said, the actors both do a great job of switching characters, so it's pretty clear when they're being different people (even if it's not necessarily the same different person).

Now, you should by no means assume this show is some conscious exploration of genderqueer existence in contemporary Japan. It is, however, way more thoughtful than I expected it to be. It leaves some very interesting silences, especially around what exactly Hidaka's taste in partners is and why Mochizuki's own body kinda gives her a lesbian awakening when someone else is in there. If you're the type who likes a trans-flavored imagination adventure, this is a spectacular starting point. You're going to have a blast.

2. The Mochizuki Support Squad

Nobody from Hidaka's side realizes what's going on with the swap; sure, the boss is acting weird, but they buy his explanations for it. Mochizuki, however, has exactly two people in the world who care so much about her that they figure out what's happened: her junior cop partner, Yamaki Hideo, and her roommate, Watanabe Riku.

You have to love a character where their closest friends are like, either you've started suddenly acting polite and nice, or you've mystically swapped bodies with another person, and honestly, the bodyswap is the more likely explanation.

This is one of those places where the show takes the goofier and more lighthearted tack. Leaving it so the only people who knew about the swap were Mochizuki and Hidaka themselves would be incredibly isolating and paranoia-inducing, especially for Mochizuki. Giving her (eventually) two buddies who know what's going on both gives her a cushion of support for her ordeal and creates a number of comic moments where these guys are looking at a stranger and seeing their friend -- and vice versa.

They're both kind of daffy sweethearts, too, which adds even more comic relief to the show. Yamaki is an easily flustered, mildly hysterical nerd who just wants his mean bestie back so she can go back to telling him what to do. Riku is a blue-collar himbo who would technically be a hobosexual except for how he both really does pull his weight around the house and (probably) isn't getting laid. They're willing to put themselves on the line and do what they can to make sure their friend is okay, no matter what body she's in.

I actually like how the show has more than couple male-female dynamics where the people involved are just friends -- or, if things change so they're not, it's strongly implied that they could have gone on being just friends and that would have been fine or even better for both parties involved. Romance is not the endgame of every mixed-genital relationship! Sometimes people who love one another dearly are friends without further obligation! You can care for people a lot without wanting to fuck them! And that's great.

Besides, I know it won't shock you to learn that the real horny part of the show plays out as...

3. An interesting game of cat and mouse

Mochizuki's got an interesting problem: She's a cop inside the body of a murderer, and as long as she's stuck here, there's a murderer inside the body of a cop out on the loose. She could, as Hidaka, confess to the murders and in a way that puts him physically in jail, but she doesn't know how to swap their bodies back. She's got to keep Hidaka appeased, or he, in her official capacity, might arrest her and just keep her body forever while she goes down for the crime. She could find a way to take them both down, but that would ruin her life too and is an absolute last resort. She could just let him go and cover up the crimes, but her sense of justice won't allow it.

While Hidaka ... well, Hidaka's got a lot going on. I'm not even going to get into Hidaka's whole deal, because it's related to some late-series spoilers. The simple version is that he's got to be pretending to catch himself while actually trying to destroy evidence about the murders, all while having to dig into gendered expectations to play a version of Mochizuki capable of ingratiating herself with her asshole coworkers instead of alienating them.

And yeah, it's pretty darn horny.

It's one of those delicious enemies-to-allies-to-grudging-friends setups where you've got two people at cross purposes who have to play nice with one another (while still being very mean to one another), and in that process they find things about the other person that are actually worth liking. Because this is a literal life-and-death situation, emotions are running high! Wanting to kill someone and wanting to save them are not mutually exclusive states.

The show makes a great decision not to have Mochizuki and Hidaka hook up, or even to acknowledge that their bond has any erotic component beyond whatever's inherent in borrowing someone else's genitals. This means that their dynamic is very intimate and physical without being textually sexual, which actually winds up making it way more sexual than it would have been otherwise. It's like horror, where what you don't see is almost always scarier than what you do -- with sexual tension, especially across ostensibly heterosexual pairs, subversion and longing are almost always much sexier than having things brought to completion onscreen. I mean, seriously, think of the number of things you've seen where there's pining, and pining, and more pining, and you ship it hard, and then they finally get together and it's a giant disappointment. Better to be left hungry for more of this almost-t4t goodness.

There's also an incredible amount of lapel-grabbing and kabedon-delivering here, so if you're in to that, itadakimasu!

4. A Cop Are Bastard

There are a number of antagonists in this story -- I mean, not shocking, considering both the premise and the way the serial murder case at the heart of the story gets weirdly complicated. The most prominent and persistent of those antagonists, though, is not a serial murderer, but one of the cops.

The character's name is Kawahara Mitsuo, but Mochizuki and Yamaki call him "Seku-Hara," as those are the first two syllables of each word in "sexual harassment." It's fitting. He's sleazy, arrogant, and an entire bag of dicks who talks like a gangster and is willing to do a lot of backhanded dirty-cop shit to get his way.

All this lands him firmly in the Love To Hate category. If you enjoy throwing popcorn at onscreen villains, pop some extra for Kawahara, because that fucker deserves it.

Maybe the most interesting thing about him is how often he's actually right. When he's not being an asshole who's doing bad cop work, he actually does good cop work, and he comes to some pretty astute conclusions about what exactly is going on with the case. Despite Mochizuki and Hidaka's joint interference, he figures out a lot of what's the two of them are up to, even without ever picking up on the bodyswap angle. So he's not just a slimy buffoon -- he's actually a formidable opponent.

Also, did I mention he's hot in a gross way? I dunno, maybe it helps that I've seen Kitamura Kazuki be hot in a not-gross way in other things, like Nekozamurai, where he plays a handsome and noble samurai sworn to protect a very cute kitty. Here, though, he's not noble at all -- he's a thug of a cop with a cocky swagger and a deep voice, and I am not above admitting that I see the appeal.

Like, fuck, I'm not usually into eyebrows, and I'm into his eyebrows. Those are some good eyebrows.

5. argh it's almost so good (but still pretty good!)

I'm about to be slightly spoilery from this point forward, not about specific plot points, but about general narrative moves. If you'd prefer to remain unspoiled for such things, stop reading right now and go to either Viki or Netflix to watch the whole show. You're welcome.

Still here? Great. See, where this show really lacks the courage of its convictions is with Hidaka's character. He starts off the series really evil! He does some very bad things! He's clearly quite sinister. Then about halfway through, the show starts to backpedal real hard and introduces another factor into the murder cases that makes him a much less outright bad guy than he seems at first blush.

...And that sucks! Because as the show first portrays him, he's deliciously kind of a fucker. He's not only confident and threatening, he's happy to take Mochizuki's body and do whatever he wants with it, regardless of her feelings. He reads as a straight-up two-faced psychopath who just wants to keep on ridding the world of bad people by straight-up grotesquely murdering them. But the show doesn't have the guts to either take him down in a blaze of glory or create a redemption arc for a guy who's got a taste for some pretty gnarly body horror, so it's got to find a way to convince you not to believe your lying eyes.

However! I do not consider this a dealbreaker, because I find what the show does wind up doing actually pretty interesting. Just because it's not the ending to the story I, personally, would have told doesn't mean it's not a story worth telling. It's maybe a little artificially convoluted, but you've already suspended your disbelief for the bodyswap thing, right? So just roll with the rest of it.

At the risk of belaboring the duality metaphor, I really do feel like this is a show constantly being pulled in two different directions at once. It seems like half the show loves to roll around in the blood and perversion of vigilante serial murder, while the other half wishes it'd picked a more innocuous crime, like art theft or securities fraud. Half of it wants Hidaka to be a right cold bastard who deals Mochizuki a lot of serious damage, and the other half wants to keep him always on the side of the line where he never does anything unredeemable. Half of it wants this to be a sexy queer exploration of gendered expectations through suddenly different bodies, and the other half wants to play a straight PG-13 bodyswap comedy. Half of it wants to be Hannibal, and the other half wants to be Freaky Friday.

And where it all lands is ... well, in the middle.

Obviously my general disappointment with the show's eventual final form has not left me heartbroken. To the contrary, I've had a lot of fun thinking about it afterward, both pondering what was actually on the screen and having imagination adventures about how I would have done it differently. That, to me, is fun. I enjoy this. Like the Maxx said, the shows in my mind are almost always better.

I might have been a little more put off by the lack of my ideal resolution if the show had required more of a commitment from me, but no, it gets things done in ten one-hour episodes, which makes it a great small-medium bite. You can knock this one out pretty quickly, and then have all the time in the world left for thinking about how things could have been different if the show had not taken the Goldilocks approach to its queer serial murder bodyswap setup. The Hump of Compelling Mediocrity strikes again!

Up for a watch?

As I mentioned earlier, both Viki and Netflix have this one!

No joke, I hope people read this, get enticed by the horny potential of it, watch the show, go a little feral for what fits into those silences I mentioned, and write some dang sexy fanfic for me to enjoy. There's only one piece of anything on AO3 about it! One! One is not a sufficient number of things! Especially not with this promising of a setup. Come on, fellow perverts. We can do better.

Aw, look, they're so cute when they get to be themselves.

[pixelatedbugs]

Looking at all of the messed up boss forms during the Neutral Flowey fight

I just want to talk about them i like them a lot. i was very obsessed with help_tale when i was younger and that's probably why. spoilers below cut, and body horror warning because of the topic ofc.

Decibat

Starting with Decibat, no eyes and a stomach mouth. Awesome!! The stomach mouth kinda goes along with Decibat's noise theme - HUGE MOUTH is loud and Decibat wants quiet.

Dalv

Out of all of the Flowey forms only 2 actually made me jump and this is one of them. Creepy eye things get to me and that’s why this is one of my favorites. It's really simple but it's great. Also the way it glitches sometimes makes it look like he has more than 2 eyes, which I'm not sure if it's on purpose but it's still neat!

I do wonder what would be under the cloak, like would it just be normal Dalv? The void? Something like the Deer Lord from Spooky’s Jumpscare Mansion? idfk. His face being obscured is like how Dalv obscures his face with his cloak for the majority of Dark Ruins, and since we don't really get to know him due to killing him, we don't get to see his real face..

Martlet

Martlet technically doesn’t have a form like the others but I didn’t want to leave her out. This scene does a great job at being unsettling with the lack of talking portrait and the slowed down Snowdin imo. i really like how her hugging animation changes for just that One Frame, it's slow enough that you'll probably catch it but quick enough that you might be wondering if you imagined it.

And then there's the whole "I'm so happy I found you! So happy I found you. I found you." that happens and then her face melts to reveal the Eye. The eye is in grayscale, like Flowey is during the second phase of his fight, so I wonder if it's meant to be HIM looking at you through Martlet.

And the melting parallels her death in No mer- hey wait, why does Martlet melt in both routes where she dies? Like??? I mean, she does have connections to Alphys and the True Lab so like...or maybe i'm just over thinking it. Either way this ones cool, if I knew pixel art I would try to make a form for her like the others have.

El Bailador

I think a lot of people believe this is the scariest one and....yeah. This is the other one that actually made me jump. The smile, the Eyes, it's fucking scary i hate this one (positive). The large strained smile goes with how El Bailador wants to make everyone happy with his dancing even though some prefer quiet, which he doesn't realize. does that make sense idk if that makes sense.

Starlo

Oh boy plant growth body horror! Yeah this one’s good. The vines growing out from his face, the weirdly elongated hands, the way the piece of straw on his hat changes to a flower. Honestly I have 0 clue what is going on with his face. Very cool. I also just noticed the holes in his poncho, like bullet holes? i saw someone say he's still hot on twitter and im scared

Ceroba

Ceroba's gets bonus points for being one of the rarer ones, because you have to abort a No Mercy route to see it. Besides that, no face! Wahoo! Plus her bow has changed to have a flower in it, which matches Starlo.

My favorite thing though is that the way pixels are scattered (i cannot find the right wording for this) kinda makes it look like she's constantly turning into dust which is really cool!! I think her face might be obscured for the same reason as Dalv, considering you have to be in No Mercy to see this you never get to know who Ceroba is.

Guardener

Overgrown robots overgrown robots overgrown robots. She already was overgrown but it gets more turned up with this one which makes me very happy, I love overgrown robots and machinery. All the vines get changed into flowers as well to fit, yippee! The Delta Rune logo on her chest is also scratched out, which is one way to send a message...

Axis

I like how the lack of face here parallels both how axis dies in No Mercy AND the death of the blue soul. This one's very cool, though i wish there were some more wires in his face like his death sprite in No Mercy has. thats a weird thing to wish for isnt it. Actually now that I'm looking at it more, it kinda looks like a mouth? That might just be because of the things at the top and bottom, I'm not sure if it's meant to be a mouth.

Oh! And the heart in his chest is missing, which hurts because both ways you can spare him involve filling his heart (either with Daisy or compliments. Also, Axis' neutral route spare is extremely cute, please go check it out if you haven't seen it.)

anyway thanks for reading through teehee my favorites are probably dalv’s ceroba’s and guardener’s. i have to wonder what the Feisty Four would have looked like in this? They don't get any because well, they don't die, but I like them...I don't really have any ideas myself, though. ok bye

[psychewritesbs]

Food for thought but here's an interesting video about the psychology of the trinity and I'm curious as to what your thoughts on this and how Gege might be applying this in JJK considering the concept of threes is arguably prevalent in the series.

https://youtu.be/LAR6FPBPbmA?si=61IoNkA2M7w8dPIb

ohoho anon. I even made a little diagram about it that I just absolutely have to share because the brainrot was so good.

This is the thing, maybe this amounts to something, maybe it doesn't, but these are the things my nerdy brain lives for in jjk. ESPECIALLY because they show Gege's level of metaphorical thinking.

I remember this one time this jjk anti told me "I am sure Gege does his research, but jjk is not that deep". Bro... this isn't research, this is deep understanding of the dynamics of the psyche.

Anyways, Analytical Psychology in jjk under the cut'o.

In fact... MBTI anon, this one might be for you... I'd be curious to read your thoughts.

God I missed using that meme.

First things first. Max Derrat! YES. I've only seen a few of his videos, but what I've seen has always been very, very interesting stuff. Guess how I found him?

Dun dun dun...

Jacob's Ladder.

I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT THIS MOVIE.

So, anyone reading this, go watch the movie and the yt video shared by anon if interested. The movie is a mindfuck, my favorite kind.

About the video...

TLDW; Max basically talks about why the number 3 is considered a sacred number in numerology. For example, Max argues that we often see Gods that come in triads (i.e. Zeus and his brothers Neptune and Hades), but argues that 4 is actually a number of wholeness.

I had rambled about numerology and the significance of 3 and 4 before here. But here's the text again (context: mind = body = soul in jjk as representing the 3 major clans):

Thing is, we are ideally meant to think of it as if this holy trinity (3) makes up one whole together (4). This "whole" is called the Self in Jungian terms, and it is thought to be the entirety of our existence (mind (includes the shadow) + body + soul). Also, from a numerology and esoteric standpoint, you also want to consider that four (the Self) symbolizes stability and order, where three (mind + body + soul) is harmonious but not balanced.

But I really like that Max brought up the Kabbalistic tree of life for his example of why 4 = wholeness. I'm not going to go into all that tho. Suffice it to say he brings up Jung's Answer to Job, which I have not finished reading, but I understand the book is basically Jung rambling about why God is basically an asshole.

Don't quote me on this.

Part of the conclusion that Jung came to is that if God (1) represents "good" then he is not omnipotent because there is an opposite energy to "good", and that is "evil", or Satan (2).

Now, Max talks about how the Holy Trinity (3) represents aspects of God (or something like that), but that Satan, who is on an equal level as God (because good vs evil are opposing energies), got pushed into the shadow (4).

Again, Max does a much better job at explaining how this works, but the whole thing totally reminded me of Jungian typology.

Excuse the chicken scratch.

In the diagram above, you can replace mind (spirit), body (the son), soul (the Father) and (?) with one of the functions from the MBTI.

Mind you, I haven't studied Jungian typology in depth, and I am totally not well-versed on MBTI typology. But the gist of it is that there's 4 functions thinking, feeling, sensation, and intuition. For one reason or another, one becomes dominant, two support the dominant one, and a 4th one is underdeveloped or pushed into the shadow.

You see the pattern?

This is where we come to jjk and the one who might "emerge from the darkness, blacker than darkness. [And] purify that which is impure."

Jujutsu Kaisen

Now. I don't have the most coherent thoughts on the topic tbh. Everything is kind of a bunch of ideas floating around that I'm having a hard time grounding.

But I think of particular interest is the idea of the bath's goal being "being near evil."

But in the original Japanese text, the kanji Ura Ume uses is the kanji for devil/demon, not evil. You know, the function that got pushed into the shadow.

魔

So there's defo something here pointing at the need for wholeness and for bringing the contents of the shadow into consciousness in order to achieve said wholeness.

And what is in the deepest depths of the shadow? The devil himself. Your own worst enemy.

If you haven't already, I recommend you read Ant's meta of Megumi's character (hi Ant). Of particular interest to this whole ramble, is the idea that at the core of individuation, Megumi is being tasked with merging with his shadow and how that has greater implications...

God I love Jujutsu Kaisen...

Anon. THANKS for this ask. I am spoiled with brainrot inducing asks and I am very grateful for it.

[elysia-nsimp]

Tagging: @queerlordsimon @thesunshineriptide @aetherphobia @end3rm1st @ladyzsgolla

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 5 // Part 6

Warnings: Cursing, caps, joking threats

Enjoy lmao

——

Leona: anyway please stop shoving paper up your ass

——

Yuu: they’re so louuddddd

Floyd, handing them scissors: go get them

——

Ruggie: The theme is jungle animals why is Hatsune Miku here

——

Deuce: maybe the real lollipops were the friends we made along the way :)

Trey: no. eat food.

——

Jack, holding up a teachers pass:

Epel: you don’t need to hold the pass up, you look like a police officer

Jack: Its like I have full immunity to everything, just like a real police badge!

——

Trey, walking into a classroom:

Ruggie, pulling tissues out of a box:

Them, making eye contact as Ruggie rapidly removes tissues:

Trey: …im not gonna question

Ruggie: good. [RUNS AWAY]

——

Riddle: are you really over there insulting a bug?

Deuce: ITS BEING A DUMBASS

——

Ruggie: Good job escaping Colonel Sanders “The Riddler”

——

Ace: I couldn’t decide if I was gonna say “crunky” or “cookie” so I said “kroonky”

——

Jack: I will protect you from glowsticks and danny devito

Yuu: thank you

——

Floyd, throwing a stuffed shrimp around then biting it:

Yuu: What are you DOING to that poor thing

Floyd: showing it love and affection

Yuu: …PLEASE don’t fall in love with me

——

Deuce: I thought this was a movie about skiing. Lord help us all.

——

Ace: mariah carey’s spirit has possessed me starting today

Deuce: I’m calling an exorcist.

——

Lilia: ITS MY WAY OR THE HIGH WAY

[highway to hell starts playing]

——

Azul: That's why we don't enforce child labor--because they'd suck at it

——

Riddle: i think I know more about semi-colons than YOU DO

——

Floyd: fill your mind with shrek! be free!!

——

Ruggie: I, too, am tiny, and scared, and have no money

——

Idia: get in bitch we're going to eeby deeby where the souls are damned and the girls are pretty

——

Epel: y’all eat your eggs with or without the crust?

Jack: what a terrible day to have ears

——

Azul: maybe american flags are the new cryptocurrency

——

Idia: i do not care about freddy fabear's love life

——

Vil: Do not throw the ham across the library!

——

Jack: you look very intense

Leona: yea my face just does that

Jack: yea mine too

——

Azul: Mansplain, manipulate, malewife

Floyd, NOT PAYING ATTENTION: that's donkey from shrek

——

Deuce: It’s not even objectively true, it’s right!

——

The dark mirror: i sense no magiwal powew fwom dis one. cowowless, shapeless, vaycant

——

Kalim: The animals not gay enough for Jumanji get sent to jonga

Jamil: I just looked it up. Jonga is a vehicle. What the fuck?

——

Trey: nope, just sleeping

Ace: free trial of death?

Trey: no, just sleeping

Ace: free trial of death, with ads?

——

Jack: Explain to me, Ruggie, where are the vocal cords in the donut?

——

Floyd: i could randomly yell somethin- FUCK THERE WENT MY MEATSTICK

——

Deuce: YOU CANT DEATTACH YOUR BRAIN

Ace: SAYS WHO

Deuce: ME! I SAY SO!

——

Idia: the further down this mountain I go the more alliums I find

Cater: is it candy mountain

Idia: NO

——

My Yuu, Comet: Does this mean I get free tea and foot rubs when I get married? 🥺

Vil: Marry someone who will make you tea and give you foot rubs! If they can’t make you tea and give you foot rubs, that isn’t someone to marry!

Jade, threateningly: Establish it early.

——

Floyd, to Rook: Comment dit’on… ‘gET OFF MY ASS YOU BITCHASS MOTHERFUCKER’

(Comment dit’on is French for “how do you say”)

——

The sheer amount of quotes of Idia and Floyd being said by me is sending me

Anyway hope you enjoy. I still have many… MANY more.

[greypetrel]

I see you've been asked several already, so for the Tolkein asks: whichever question you want to answer most, but haven't been asked c:

Hi Mo! :D

Thank you! The temptation to answer all the questions left was there... But I don't want to pester you with basically an essay, so I'll select a few x°D

Edit after writing it: *it's still an essay* Oops.

2. If you were the Middle Earth race that your personality most matches, which would it be?

I'm a Hobbit. Definitely a Hobbit. No love for being on centre stage, will eat six meals per day (listen, snacks are important ok), is very comfortable at home, but resourceful when needed. I miss the love for gardening, my thumb is very black and I have little interest for plants that I can't eat because what's the point. But Bilbo in the book dreaming while camping in the cold of a cozy afternoon spent reading with the kettle on the fire speaks to my soul.

10. Favorite performance by any actor in the Tolkien film projects? Bonus: What's your favorite scene with them?

Bernard Hill as Theoden always gets me. He's just the right level of intensity, melancholy and grieving because he's old and feels like he hasn't accomplished anything. The tenderness and the respect he has for Eowyn as his beloved niece AND a wise woman he can be happy leaving his kingdom to (Eomer goes with him to a potentially suicidal mission. He's saying, to me, that his heir is HER, not him). And his speeches are all-!!! The Pelennor Field's one always have me shivering. The words are nice, sure, but his acting was just great. All of the Rohan part is just peak casting and great. Miranda Otto did a stunning job, her singing the mourning song haunts me. And THAT SCENE where Karl Urban just screams himself raw when he finds apparently dead Eowyn. I still don't know why exactly it was cut from the cinematic version, it was a pity.

Andy Serkis. I am appalled that he doesn't appear in more movies because honestly find me any other person who would have delivered a Gollum in the same way. (and please Hollywood cast him in more diverse roles, make me see his face, he's GOOD, give him a chance)

Since no one named him: Sean Astin as Sam. REALLY. The way he can go from grumpy and pouty to bright and happy seeing Frodo and absolutely EPIC. He's a whole journey by himself. Favourite scene: I can tell you the PO-TAY-TOES scene by heart, mimicking Gollum as well. But his speech at the end of Two Towers.

And also. Not a favourite because it's down for lines that are not so good, but... I know it's highly unpopular, but I really liked Morfydd Clark as Galadriel. She's not Cate Blanchett, and she's not supposed to be. That's still Edgy!Galadriel that she plays, she's younger and still hot-headed and please read the book and find out that Galadriel is not an ethereal lady, she's a Noldorin and she can and she WILL kick your ass. Clark does it, she has the right look for it. (her lines could have been better? Yes. I still think she did good with what she had.) (I'm all for edgy and angry, more human-like elves, and thought I know it's flawed, but I liked Rings of Power.)

12. Tolkien's work contains a lot of interesting themes: devastation of war, things lost that cannot be restored, rebirth/renewal, holding true to one's companions even when it is darkest, and others. Which is the most important to you?

I'll try to be brief here, I could fill a dissertation over this.

But mainly:

“It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going, because they were holding on to something. That there is some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for."

This.

The fact that no matter how dark it is outside, there's the promise of light and joy at the end of the tunnel. Hope in spite of everything.

And the fact that it doesn't matter where you come from, it doesn't matter who your ancestors were, how tall are you, how much your people has been involved in a situation before. You are valuable, your help is not in vain, there's some good you can do. See: Pippin's arc. Going from fool of a Took, basically a baby thrown in a world so much greater than him... And standing up to the situation, in the end, just because he wants to help, even if he's scared. His taking the Palantir and talking to Sauron, in the end, is one of the biggest assists given to Frodo... and he's the member of the Fellowship that had the least reasons to be there, the least experience and knowledge to help the mission. In the end, he's just as useful as everyone else.

[someplayfromthepast]

objectively correct spring awakening song ranking

19. the word of your body reprise. i just don't like her she's boring she's such a diversion from the main plot and like hanschen and ernst are cute but this is just such a random ass song.

18. the word of your body. look i get it i get u had to establish melchior and wendla's romance somehow but this song just doesn't hit. sorry steven i know this is like the thesis of the musical to u but i fell asleep

17. whispering. i like this song. that's about all i have to say about it. it has good lyrics and is an ok conclusion to wendla's arc but it's just not melodically interesting enough 4 me

16. i believe. this song is insane and i love it so much and yet still it is at 16 which should show u how much all of this music means to me. it's a perfect underscore 2 the hayloft scene and vocally stunning but it doesnt really warrant listening to it on its own.

15. the dark i know well. I'M SORRY IT'S SO LOW this song has just never really stuck out to me. i think it's a beautifully haunting song and i adore lilli and lauren but it's just not a favorite of mine.

14. all that's known. hello melchior gabor hello jonathan groff i am obsessed with this song establishing motifs and establishing MELCHIOR! but again. it's just not up there.

13. song of purple summer. it's a beautiful epilogue and it's very dear to my heart. but the lyrics are just too steven sater for it to be higher. why r we talking about horses in the song about learning from our loss and experiencing a beautiful summer despite the hardships of spring

12. mirror blue night. i just love how deep this song cuts into melchior's internal conflict. it's musically interesting and is a perfect transition into the hayloft scene imo

11. mama who bore me. i cannot imagine spring awakening starting any other way. it's quiet and understated and paints a perfect picture of longing and uncertainty. i love you wendla bergman

10. and then there were none. this song didn't ever hit as hard for me until i lived through it. it's just such an accurate depiction of the desperation for connection you feel when you fall that low. it is the kind of song that burrows into your soul and aches and i love it for that.

9. don't do sadness/blue wind. it's just so heartbreaking and there are about a billion different ways i could put into words what this song means to me. but i will spare you. you all know what i mean.

8. touch me. yes it's this low but that doesn't mean i don't adore it! it's one of the most beautiful songs on the tracklist imo and i love the imagery it uses to create a sort of universal desire that the entire ensemble shares.

7. my junk. this song is FUN! it's really the only song in spring awakening that is lighthearted and upbeat and it's just so refreshing. it's silly and it's cute and i love it.

6. left behind. this is the first song i heard from spring awakening so that connection will ALWAYS be there, but that aside, i really just love the way it puts grief into words- it explores what could have been and what never was and it is just so heartbreaking.

5. mama who bore me reprise. i just love the vocals in this song and that is genuinely it. this was my most listened to song of 2021 if you even care

4. the guilty ones. THE GUILTY ONES!!!! i am so thankful for this song (i am a there once was a pirate/pirate night hater btw). i think it does a great job exploring wendla and melchior's inner worlds and i'm glad that this song is what stuck.

3. the bitch of living. it is impossible to hear that guitar riff and not feel something. there is (almost.) nothing more Spring Awakening than moritz pulling out the mic and transforming into a rockstar and bringing us with him into his inner world. i love love love this song endlessly

2. those you've known. what a perfect ending to the story. i love moritz and wendla in this song and the way they are able to show melchior that death is not the way out. melchior's decision to keep living for the friends he's lost is so deeply moving and i love the way this song closes his arc with the same motif that opens it: i'm calling, and one day all will know. those you've known is just an absolutely perfect song.

1. totally fucked. totally fucked is spring awakening. experiencing this song live was just entirely unreal. this song becomes an outlet for all the anger you've ever felt and it just has a way of making you feel powerful even in situations when you are powerless. it is the anthem of the kids who the system has let down and i just think that's what spring awakening is all about.

[sharkface-daydreams]

i don’t know dragon age so give me. either your favorite or most niche dragon age ship

🥺🥹💜 ask dragon age for me.... 💜💜💜💜

well my favorite of all time is a pc/canon ship but not a canon romance but i did think of a niche npc/npc ship that has recently made me feel like eating glass lmao so i did two

i attempted to give some context but not completely infodump >< idk if that was achieved lol

My Grey Warden who has to go save the world after being recruited from a no-caste nothing on the underbelly of dwarven society fell for a guy you can't romance bc his culture is the Qun, which dictates basically your role and existence since you're born. They don't do like romance or marriage or whatever bc genetics are dictated by people who manage that. (Although some people do escape and live outside of that) His name is his job title. But he's a good man, a good soldier and a good friend and Torani Brosca respects the shit out of him so she keeps her feelings to herself. But yes she'll fight by his side and find his missing sword and stay as close as she can 🥺 and she never ever thinks of herself and her wants bc everything went towards her sister's chances of getting the family married up out of poverty so she really doesn't examine the feelings either it's just. I want to be close to you. Always. 😭

Uuuuunfortunately in my canon playthrough she takes the final hit in the last boss fight to kill the big bad and dies :( Beforehand she asked Sten to return her sword to her sister in Orzammar so Rica could have something to remember her by. She technically could have lived but that involves a mage party member fucking someone so she could have a baby and uh. suck the undying soul of the Arch demon into the unborn vessel instead of requiring a Warden to essentially cancel it out by killing it and... i don't actually remember the specific mechanics but a Warden specifically has to die in order for the big bad to STAY dead bc they have a like. half vaccinated version of the blight that kills them extremely slowly. But dorfs have such a low reproduction rate and the only way for them to get out of castelessness was for Rica to have a nobles baby and marry up... so Tor was like no i am not forcing anyone into that I'll just take the hit. 😔 so there's glass snack #1.

glass snack #2 is from the Dragon Age Inquisition DLC The Descent so this'll be spoilery lol but omg Renn and Valta

Ok. Dwarves live underground, are immune to magic and the magic ore only they can dig up bc it kills anyone else. There's a group called Legion of the Dead who are socially dead, they literally have a funeral for them when they leave, and they go into the old deep roads and protect the city from the Dark spawn until they die out there with their boots on. This is what Renn does. Valta is an archivist who's been essentially put on bitch work bc she pissed off a higher-up by not erasing something really trivial from their records. And we're down there helping them figure out why the earthquakes are suddenly nuts. It seems like they've been working side by side for years and Renn either has a specific task or personal obligation to defend her while she's in the dangerous tunnels and old roads, I'm not sure which. But while they bicker a LOT there's soooooo much fondness underneath all that and they care about each other so fiercely and honestly we don't get a whole lot of conversation and banter even but what we do get is just fucking LOADED with meaning and I'm just *eats drywall* about it

ough and when he dies defending us from some threat we've never faced before she's even more determined to figure this out so he hasn't died in vain auuuurghh god so many things ending in tragedy but in the meanwhile.... the meanwhile is so good 😩 and that dichotomy of already being 'dead' but still having reason to live, to fight for and protect someone. ough...

[ursbearhug]

I made calculatored decision to purchase a new Game because I am a responsible adult.

Tainted Grail Conquest is deck building rougelike, so it already covers up a lot of bases for me, but after playing it, I can say it looks better in game, than the spotlighted shorts on steam. Like it is not anything outlandish, but I personally prefer subtance over flash, so they got me covered. Some of the art really reminds me of Guild Wars 2 with the pastel or (name) paint esque artwork and I think it's really pretty. Even if the overall tone of the game is more akin to Diablo meets Dark Souls. So far the only real grievance is that the voice acting, which in and of itself is pretty neat and good, is British and I'm not sure if that's hit or miss. It makes sense lore-wise given the Arthurian legend and Avalon and shite, but c'mon. Made them Aussie or Merican, or anything but British. I cannot handle more British people in my life!

Gameplay wise it's really neat too! I'm not sure how does the discarding and redrawing works yet but so far basics are pretty alright. Game does make shitty job of explaining shit to you with their miniature tutorial pop ups though.

Gameplay wise there are two things I can complain about, given that I managed to play for 2ish hours only. First of all, they advertise their huge champion pool; as there are 9 classes in game to choose from. Main issue? You have to unlock them, one by one, before you can play them. That's not really conducive or fun. I can imagine why they did it but it doesn't mean I like it. Let players test around at least before you lock them away from fun choices. You also unlock them in waves; there are three fractions with 3 classes each. And you unlock one here, one there and one there. That will take so long to unlock them all (I managed to unlock 3 out of 9, with first being unlocked from get go). Secondly, some mechanics are either really misleading, poorly explained, poorly balanced or all 3.

When you go through first time, Barrier exist as separate health bar and will not disappear after your turn. Unless you play that one class. I didn't know until I got to level 10 and I had a look see at all passives (there is a chance you can review them manually earlier but I'm a dumb dumb and also there is no visable menu, so like. ADHD no bueno). Second of all, I *think* this is the "oh this class is really strong so here's downside for the pay off of being strong" and it's over tuning class altogether. It does not have reliable way to protect itself from damage unless you luckily hit specific passives. This is not fair for the *possibility* of higher damage out put. Also I still don't understand how Maneuver cards work, they're really stupid. Here, play this useless card so it flips and is useful next time you draw it. Thanks dipshit! I don't need it next turn because there might be no next turn jack ass! Quiver cards are also really confusing. But I'm also pretty illiterate and stupid so ya know.

Anyway, sleep before uni!

Bear gay sex and warm garlic bread!

[daz4i]

Since I'm sadly not free to discuss Goro w you on discord atm: tell us about one of your OCs I always love hearing about your OCs

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 mwah. kisses your forehead thank you

i don't think i ever talked abt my demon gang so it's time to chance that!

a disclaimer: when i made them i kinda just threw hell and demon rules and all that in a blender and made everything up on my own bc this is just how i like to do things with demons tbh. so don't expect any biblical or religious accuracy lol. also for some reason i decided they all have 1 a human form 2 a demonic form 3 a special power (to help with whatever job they have in hell) so I'm gonna list those, mostly. also i made them when i was like 16 idk why they're like this but I'm not gonna retcon anything bc it's cool

also ofc it got long lol so under the cut it goes

going from least detailed to most, starting with xylon

their special power is just putting souls to sleep, to calm them down if they get too rowdy or stressed abt being in hell basically

their demonic form is a bit like a ghost? like, greyish-white and semi transparent, face is just eye holes and an unmoving mouth. they kinda look like a skeleton with some see through grey skin

their human form is long, curly brown hair and a goatee. they usually wear hoodies and sweatpants and they never talk

that's most of their deal really. never talk, good at calming people down, prefer to be alone

next up is aqua

she's a guard at the gates of hell along with her brother whom i will get to soon

her special ability is water manipulation. on earth she just really likes vibing in bodies of water and taking baths

speaking of earth, her human form is long, straight, black hair that nearly looks blue. blue eyes, dark skin, likes to wear fancy clothes like suits and ties and mostly in a blue palette lol

her demonic form is a buff humanoid body, but her face is covered with eyes and no other facial features. when she talks you kinda just hear it inside your brain, and despite not having visible ears she still hears you if you talk to her

next is my beloved isabelle whom i kinda became obsessed with in the last year+- bc i wrote a short bit where she talks to another one of my ocs and she was just. so fun to write that i added her as an npc in my ttrpg campaign (with some tweaking ofc) and she's even more fun to roleplay i love her

her special power is apparently controlling people's thoughts. i kinda forgot abt that part I'm surprised by checking my own notes tbh. her job is basically to be a whore, to keep souls calm and busy so they don't get rowdy

her demonic form is a humanoid body with no actual features except for mouths all over. each mouth has sharp silver teeth

her human form is hot bc i said so. long straight blond hair and eyes as silver as her demonic teeth. she still has sharp fangs but her teeth in that form are white lol (and she only has one mouth ofc)

ok and now is the main bastard. he started as a drawing and became a character and then i created all the rest after him. i also mixed him up with another oc i have bc why not yknow. his name is seth

he's aqua's brother, the one guarding the gates with her

his power is pyrokinesis bc it's hot (in more ways than one. ha)

his human form is just a tumblr sexyman honestly. white twink who wears suits. black and red color palette. he's got short spiky black hair and red eyes and he drinks blood sometimes. idk why i added that detail i think i just found it sexy back then (still do)

his demonic form is that of a four legged beast made of green and blue fire. he's got no features, just fire really, and he talks the same way aqua does

he's also dating isabelle in an open relationship but well, i mentioned i mixed him up with another oc, and that's my boy minho who's really just an ordinary human

basically seth really likes going up on earth to seduce humans. no one ever tells him no, up until minho came along - they had a one night stand and seth wanted more but minho rejected him bc he wasn't interested in anything beyond that like the aro icon he is. and that only made seth go even more 👀 over him bc "wow. that's the first human i didn't manage to work my charm on. he must be special" and kinda fell for him

and while minho doesn't return the same feelings he does like the attention and the feeling of a chase they got there and yeah it's not the healthiest relationship lol but it's sexy

this is also the source of the scene i mentioned writing isabelle in! she has A Talk with minho where she basically says "please be careful of my boyfriend he's more dangerous than you think" before minho finds out seth is a demon hehe.

but yeah that's all the details i have abt this squad ! if you read this ily and i hope it was interesting uwu

[maplecornia]

Namjoon

𝔞/𝔫: this will be in Namjoon's POV

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 2.85K

𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢: romance | slice of life | fluff | angst | bts x female!reader | ot7

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: You watched them from the sidelines ever since you were a young teenage girl. Now you’re grown up, they’ve returned after 2 long years and everything has changed. What happens when you pull back the mask and find the darkness within? What happens when you see that they’re broken?

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰: cliffhangers | angst | fluff | slight mentions of self hatred | depression | mental health illness | self harm | occurs in the year 2024 | set in a timeline where BTS went to the military together | slight language

tags: @kookaine | @fangirl125reader | @kookiebbyxx | @taradevonne | @rae-bear | @mangminnie | @pixiekooo | @cana

My hands flying across the keyboard, I have no room to think about anyone or anything else other than my work. I have no intention to think about anything else.

I've heard it said that there are those with a wasteland in their minds. They are constantly searching for something to give their life meaning, but everything they find isn't good enough. They are constantly trying to break the last record, find a new tune, discover another song to play in their hearts. They can never rest, they never want to rest for if they did they would lose their minds.

Pulling away from the board, I find that I'm shaking. My eyesight is wavering, I can't even think straight.

Am I the same as those lost?

Sighing, I hold my head in my hands.

What am I doing? I have no time to be worrying over things that don't matter. My gaze drifting, I notice a coffee cup on the table beside me, along with a small bag of snacks resting against it. Mildly amused, I stand to investigate, and find a note tied around the bag. Pulling on it, I blink in surprise at the neat but shaky Hangul written there.

Namjoon, I'm not too good at writing in Korean just yet so I hope that this is understandable.

This is a coffee cup, but if you need some water or an energy drink, I placed some beside your bag. This is a little bag of leftover snacks I found at the vending machine.

I'm sorry I couldn't find something better than this, but I hope it's enough for a small pick me up.

Please remember to get some rest tonight, I don't want you working too hard.

-Yen

I don't realize I'm crying until a tear runs from my cheek and lands on the small slip of paper. Surprised, I frantically dry the tear from the paper before holding it close to my chest as though it were my only comfort. The tears continue to run down my face, and I fall to the floor almost sobbing as unexplainable emotions surge through my body. Too fast and too many at once for me to be able to understand.

"Why...why are you so kind?"

Does she even realize the effect she has on my heart? The way she tears and turns it as though it were nothing? She doesn't even have to think twice about her actions. She doesn't do these things to gain something from me, in fact, she expects nothing, and yet...

She makes me want to give her the world.

.

.

.

"What are you talking about?"

Jaejin smiles at the question, almost as though he were dealing with a child who didn't want to let go of their parents on his first day of school. Scoffing almost, I fold my arms in indignation. Since when was I the child in this relationship?

"It's quite simple hyung, I'm going to be away for a couple of months. It's not that big of a deal."

"Not a big deal?!" Reaching forward, I stop him from packing. He looks up at me, a bit surprised. "Jaejin, need I remind you of your position? You can't just leave whenever you see fit. There are policies, systems set in place, responsibilities you have to uphold."

Jaejin rolls his eyes before politely removing my hand from his stuff.

"Namjoon, you didn't think I knew? I've already taken care of everything."

As he pulls away, rummaging in his desk for a pen and sticky note, I stare at him dumbfounded. He's leaving, isn't he? Just when I've come back, now one of my closest and most trusted friends is leaving me behind. Scolding myself, I try to push the feeling of being betrayed to the back of my mind.

Jaejin has a right to pursue his dreams, I shouldn't hold him back. This isn't something to be upset over, I should be happy for him, I should support his decision.

But I don't want to say goodbye.

He must've noticed my expression, for when he next speaks, I can tell his words were meant to comfort me.

"You know, you're going to love Yen."

"Yen?"

"That's the person coming in to replace me."

I stare at him, not wanting to believe his words. He's having someone come in to replace him as my manager? How can he expect someone I don't even know to replace him at my side? Just how long is he planning to stay away?

Almost sensing my discomfort, Jaejin turns to me and places his hand on my shoulder. "There's no reason to worry. Yen will do an amazing job, okay?"

"How can you be so sure?"

At my question, he gets this faraway look in his eye and beckons for me to join him as he settles down in one of the chairs set up at his desk.

"Yen is someone special, you'll probably notice that as you get to know her." I open my mouth to ask him how, but he holds his hand up, already foreseeing my immediate response. I roll my eyes at the gesture, understanding his point and shutting up.

"I'm not just saying this as her friend, she's someone who I think will help you a lot. Though she might not think she's qualified for the job, and she may doubt herself every second of the way, she will try her hardest to be the best she can be." Watching him talk about her, almost as though she were the thing he treasured the most on earth, both confuses and intrigues me. What is she, perfect? No person is, so what's the difference with her?

"Yen is the kind of person who speaks to others through their emotions. She knows when you're sad, angry, tired, she can see it all through a few gestures. With a simple look your way it's as though she can see all the hidden secrets of your soul." In his wistful eyes, I wonder about the history between the two of them. Missed chances, unspoken words, regrets, do they have any of those? The way he talks about her, I don't think they are merely just friends.

"My point is, she'll take care of you. You don't ever have to be afraid of losing yourself when she's around, because she'll always bring you back."

.

.

.

Holding the note in my hands now, the way it feels almost as though she were there right beside me, holding me as I shake from all the built-up pain and frustration, I realize that Jae is right.

She's always there, helping me, supporting me. She gave me a reason to continue, she showed me that I didn't have to take care of everyone all the time. She reassured me that I wasn't alone, that she would stay beside me no matter what happened.

.

.

.

"Your music changes with you, don't you know?"

As she sits across from me, her wide eyes piercing mine with their deep stare, I try to make some sense of her words. Yes, I understand that music changes, but what does that have to do with me and my struggles? I'm afraid I don't love making music anymore, and this is what she responds with?

She smiles almost understandingly at my perplexed expression, and I quickly hide it, unaware I was being so obvious.

"Namjoon, maybe the reason why you feel so trapped is not that you don't love music anymore, but rather because you're trying to recreate something from the past." My eyes widening at the thought, I pull away from the soundboard. Was that what I was doing? Trying to recreate a past sound when the sound inside has already changed?

"Music grows as you grow, it flourishes the same way. Maybe in order to find yourself again, you have to let go of what your music used to be." Turning to her, somehow I know she sees the pain and the fear reflected in my eyes.

What if who I am now isn't good enough? What if this person isn't worthy of his title? What if I've become what I've always been afraid of?

Nothing.

Reaching forward, she takes my hand into her small ones and smiles warmly my way. A smile meant to calm me down, a gesture meant to calm the storm that threatens to rise in my chest.

"That doesn't mean you have to forget, it doesn't mean you have to say goodbye. It just means you have to move on, and grow as you've done before. If there's one thing I know, it's that you are good enough. You are worthy of their love, you are worthy of everything you have ever accomplished."

She smiles somewhat cockily as her eyes locked with mine, almost making me forget my doubt.

"Now, you just have to prove it to them once more."

.

.

.

She taught me what I was doing this for, reminded me why I love music, why I chose this path. It was her light, her passion that showed me the way.

Raising myself off of the ground, and pocketing the note, I turn back to the computer. Back to my work. Wiping my tears, I sit down taking a deep breath before resuming.

I won't let her down.

note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAMJOON! I hope you have a great birthday, and continue to be the amazing leader you have been for the longest time! I'm looking forward to the day where we can see you again.

check the Infinite Stars masterlist for more chapters

check my BTS masterlist for other BTS content

check out my masterlist for other kpop fanfics

[mrsseverussnape]

Love Is You - chapter 3

a/n: I dunno why i am posting these literally middle of the night everytime but here we go again💁🏼‍♀️

     Tomorrow there would be the divorce suit at the Ministry. Scarlett has become worse both mentally and physically till this day. So Carina had to write Leonidas couple of days after their mum told her about the situation because she wasn’t able to help and control both of their parents and work at the same time. Leo was shaken by the news but immediately took a leave from work and came to London from New York to stay with his mum for a week. His mother was his favourite person in the whole wide world and seeing her so down broke his heart into pieces. He would not be able to fully forgive his dad ever. And after that one week, Scarlett would live with Carina at Hogwarts for a while until she was feeling better.

"Mum it is enough wine for tonight, stop please." Leo took the wine glass and the bottle away from Scarlett. "I don't want you to be hangover tomorrow."

"It's just my 5th glass, give it back Leo."

"No alcohol for you anymore, you drink too much lately but not eating anything!"

"That's how i cope! It makes my mind blurry so i stop thinking about the situation over and over again!" She covered her face with her hands and started to cry who knows how many times today.

She was crying almost all day everyday since she found out about the cheating. That was heart breaking for the twins and Scarlett's parents; Ricardus and Aurelia. The moment Ricardus found about it, he went to find Sirius before anyone could stop him and Merlin knows what he did. Sirius was like a son to him but no one could hurt his princess and if someone does, they need to pay the price.

Leo hugged his mum tightly and kissed her tear-stained cheek. He adored his mother so much and he couldn't stand to see her in this condition.

"Let’s take you to the bed mum, you should rest for tomorrow." 

She nodded lightly; she was extremely tired because of lack of sleeping so Scarlett let Leo to escort her to her bedroom without putting a fist. Leo laid her down on her bed carefully and tucked her like she did to him when he was little.

"I love you mum, have a good night. Call out to me if you need anything."

"Love you too baby, night..." She mumbled while already giving up to sleep.

      The court was going to start at 10 o'clock so they had to be at the Ministry around 9:30. Scarlett was up early in the morning since she could only sleep for only 2-3 hours. She took a hot shower and started to get ready unwillingly. She looked at herself in the mirror for the first time in days. Scarlett felt like she got older in such a short time. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying endlessly and she had dark circles around them from lack of sleeping, she has lost couple of pounds already because she was not eating at all but having alcohol nonstop. "That's not me..." She mumbled to herself and looked through her closet. Then she picked a formal black dress, did her hair, and put her signature red lipstick on. She was trying to look at least decent even she had no will to do anything at all but maybe the outfit would give her some power.

     2 hours later Scarlett and the twins were sitting at the ministry and waiting for their turn at the court. Scarlett was so nervous and scratching her hands like she always did when she was under stress; she wasn’t aware but she has made them bleed ever so slightly. After a while Sirius showed up too. He wasn't looking any better than Scarlett and maybe even worse appearance wise. He has put his hair in a messy bun and his clothes were in need of ironing. The moment he noticed them, Sirius immediately made his way to Scarlett but she was trying her best not to look at him.

"Scar we can renounce this court, i don't want to divorce. I love you..." 

He tried to fall at Scarlett's feet, but his son made him to stand still before he could do it.

"Dad, stop it please. It is already hard for her, don't make it harder." Leo said firmly.

"Do you want us to divorce, Leonidas!?"

"That's the right thing after what you have done. Maybe you should have thought before act mindlessly. Now leave mum alone."

Sirius was about to respond but Carina acted faster.

"Dad, Leo, it is not the right place or time to argue. Stop it." Carina said with a sigh.

   Couple of minutes later, the worker called out their names. Scarlett stood up and walked to the courtroom’s door, but she stopped at the doorsill. She knew if she took one more step, she wouldn't be able to change her mind anymore but she took a deep breath and walked in. Half an hour later the court has ended, they were divorced now, 26 years of marriage was ended in a heartbeat. Scarlett felt numb say the least, she was hearing her kids talking to her and seeing them moving around but couldn't react to any of them. It was like a nightmare that you cannot wake up from.

"Mum? Mum!?" Carina shook her shoulder lightly to gain her attention.

"Yes yes, let’s get out of here..." Scarlett mumbled and walked out of the Law Department.

Leo was escorting Sirius out even they had an argument before the court. It was the first time he saw his dad crying helplessly and being devastated that much. Leo was still upset with him but overall, he was his dad and he couldn't help himself but felt bad for him too. Leo knew how much he loved his wife and adored her, because of that the thing he has done was so hard to believe for anyone who knows them.

"Please tell me all of this is not real and just a bad dream son, please..."

Leo didn't answer, just rubbed Sirius's back to calm him down. Sirius took off a cigarette out of his pocket and lighted it, apparently he has started to smoke again.

"You can't smoke inside, sir. You need to get out." A security approached him immediately.

Sirius cursed and walked outside angrily, Leo followed to keep an eye on him and said to Carina "I will be waiting you outside." On his way.

Carina nodded and looked at her mum when she said something silently. But Carina was unable to understand and made her to repeat it.

"I need to pack my stuff."

"What stuff mum?"

"I resigned."

Carina looked at her with wide eyes. She wasn’t ready for another surprise.

"When did you do that mum? Why?"

"A week ago. I can't work here anymore." Scarlett was talking so emotionless, she sounded like her soul was sucked by dementors.

"Why tho? You love your job."

Scarlett just shrugged her shoulders, didn't want to tell her the real reason. She hasn’t told Carina who was the woman and that she also works at the Ministry. 15 minutes later they have packed her stuff from her room, said farewell to the Minister and now they were going down with the elevator. But on the next floor to their chance Arabelle Fullalove got on the elevator as well. Scarlett was out of her mind, didn't even notice her until Arabelle started to talk to her.

"Hello Mrs. Black, ah sorry i should call you Miss Rose now." Said smirking.

Arabelle was the last person Scarlett wanted to see right now but here she was. Scarlett ignored her but Arabelle was persistent to cause a scene and she looked like she was having the time of her life.

"Don't we talk? I think we have so many things to talk now."

"Sorry but who are you? Could you please leave my mum alone? She doesn't want to talk." Carina took a step to stand between two of them.

"You are her daughter huh?" Arabelle smiled wickedly. "Well, i am the woman that your daddy chose over your mother. But no surprise that he wanted someone new."  Sent a contemptuous look at Scarlett. Now she has managed to gain everyone’s attention in the elevator and the people has started to whisper.

Carina drew her wand at Arabelle, furiously. 

"If you say one more thing, i will hurt you!"

"How cute, little girl protecting her mummy because she is pathetic!." Arabelle let out an evil laugh, at the moment elevator stopped and she hopped out still laughing.

    Scarlett was visibly shaking and tears were collected in her eyes but she was trying not to cry in front of many people. She has already felt humiliated enough after the things Arabelle has said, now everyone at the Ministry would know about it. Carina was so angry; she couldn't believe how cruel and shameless that woman was. She couldn’t do anything to calm her mum down since she wasn’t calm herself. When they arrived the ground floor, Scarlett run out of the elevator crying her eyes out; she couldn't hold it anymore.

"Mum wait!" Carina followed her running.

"Mum…? Carry?  What is going on!?"  Leo asked worriedly and tried to hold Scarlett since he was waiting right next to the outside door. But Scarlett was having a nervous breakdown and was not listening anybody, she threw herself on the ground crying. The twins decided to take her to St. Mungo’s because they didn’t know how to handle her at this point, Scarlett was the calmest and non-problematic one in the family so no one was used to that. The healers took her to a room and gave her sedatives immediately when they arrived; the sedatives showed their effects quicky and everyone relieved a bit. While Scarlett was sleeping, Carina told everything that happened in the elevator to Leo. He couldn’t believe the things he just heard and they made him so angry that he just wanted to hurt the woman. She didn’t have any rights to act like that to their mum.

"She didn't deserve any of this, not in the slightest. It is breaking my heart to see her like that..."

“I don't know what we can do to make her happy again. I missed her smile Leo, I missed her giggles..." 

Leo hugged his sister tightly, he wanted nothing but to see their mum happy again. "We will figure it out, everything will be fine again..."

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[gingus-doon]

pov u just shot your childhood hero, wdyd

i.e. i ramble about keiji post-shooting; his occupation, what he does, how he copes, how he feels, etc. etc.

just putting this little thing here because the post got quite long and i couldn't split it up because it's all somewhat related. it started out as a rant / informal ramble but then it got serious lololol

—

one thing i don't understand is why people hc keiji as still having a job with the police post-shooting? like that just doesn't make sense to me– not only based on his character but like... why would you wanna make him a cop with all the talk of how much the police suck lately? personally i'm a brown bitch so i couldn't be down with thirsting over a cop lol. it's just kinda confusing sjdhd

i've seen the hc of him as a private investigator, though, which i like! it's a very neat way to let him flex his detective skills without being part of a corrupt organization and without forsaking his own personal beliefs and feelings about the police, because i don't think those would change anywhere near easily and i just kinda can't see him going back into the police force because of that.

i have often wondered what keiji would do after the death game, and what he was doing before the death game or after the shooting, because i think he'd definitely quit after the shooting, with all the grief and trauma surrounding the job and his newfound cynicism.

i don't think he'd be doing private investigation before the game, or more specifically, before his character develops into something reminiscent of his old self– as he is at the start of the game, he just doesn't have that faith in protection, so i can't imagine him being an investigator at that point. HOWEVER, in a post death game OR non-death game au where keiji has started to pull himself up from that tar (most likely with the help of others lol) i think that's definitely a plausible option for him and i like it a lot :]

as for other options, though... i really don't know! this is more of a stupid idea but i considered him working in a convenience store like shin lol. i had a whoooole au about him, kai, and shin working in the same convenience store just because they can't hold down any other jobs / don't know what else to do for work. shin is able to actually hold down the job because the last manager was mysteriously taken out of commission (i don't know lol) and they were ridiculously short-staffed already so shin ended up being the "most qualified" for the now vacant position. keiji's had a string of odd jobs since the police and this is just the next one. he's hoping to find something with a better wage but this'll do for now, it's even in walking distance from his apartment. and kai, kai's trying to exercise more independence from the chidouins' after becoming his own person! so he gets what i think would be his first job (well, his first official job, anyway... being an assassin and the chidouins' personal maid were more unofficial gigs lol.) ahh that was a lotta rambling about my dumb little au but i just think it'd be neat, they're three of my favourite characters so having them just vibe with each other at work and become friends sounds nice 2 me :] also Coincidentally i ship literally every combination of those three characters so that may have played a part in my casting decisions lmfao

oh wow that was a really long and uncalled for synopsis but this is just a rambly post so it can't really be uncalled for because this post doesn't have any particular point lol (A/N after writing this— IT HAS A POINT NOW, DISREGARD PAST ME)

SO ANYWAY ! i was just considering what keiji would do right after the shooting. honestly i have noooo idea, it's the beginning of a long road of him burying his trauma in a desperate attempt to avoid facing the pain it brings, and it marks a profound loss of innocence which makes his heart begin to grow cold. it's just hard to see the beginning of the process when where he started and where he ended up are very different places.

obviously, he'd quit his job. i wonder if the hallucinations would start right away? him being naïve in the beginning, i'm sure he'd acknowledge them– cry out apologies and plead for forgiveness until his throat is hoarse. the rule of hallucinations in yttd seems to be that if you acknowledge them, they'll burn themselves into your brain and you'll never be rid of them– implying that keiji has done so, as it's likely been years since the shooting and he's still suffering from the visions despite seeming to ignore them now.

ahh, i'm getting in my feelings about keiji now 😭😭 when i started this, i wanted to be held by him, but now i just wanna hug him like damnnnn

but back to what he'd do after the shooting– this scenario is self indulgent, but wouldn't it be nice if he took some time off and just stayed at his mom's place for a while? help her with chores while she's at work, try to regain a sense of normalcy in his childhood home...

i don't think he'd be able to do this right after the shooting. keiji had shame, once upon a time– the guilt would rack him like nothing else. i can imagine him spending a lot of late nights with alcohol, just wishing it was a dream. his resentment towards megumi slowly building as he feels he's being left in the dark as to why, why he isn't allowed to atone, why she's being so cold towards him about the shooting when he's suffering so heavily from the effects of it.

he wouldn't want to be around his dear mom as a murderer, and as a resentful alcoholic who's coping very poorly with his circumstances.

also (tangent incoming), i kind of wonder about keiji and alcohol a lot. in his fondness events with mishima, he says the following—

the "haven't drank that much in years" part makes me wonder– for how long? did he start to restrain himself before the shooting or after? i would say it's most likely after, considering the "feels like it'll swallow me up" comment he made soon after. and, how he talked about binge drinking when he was still a newbie. perhaps it was fine for him to do so, before the shooting— he'd just get wasted and flirt, have a good time. but after, it morphed into an inefficient coping mechanism which he fell far within the depths of to try and control the worst of his grief and self hatred. after that, heavy drinking couldn't just be for fun anymore.

i assume in the "before it got this way" comment, the "way" he's referring to is how he doesn't drink much anymore? or, he could be talking about the depression drinking, but i think the prior makes more sense.

even though i think, given keiji's example of drinking with megumi, that he could have gotten blackout drunk a couple of times purely for fun pre-shooting, i think here he's referring to the painful side of his relationship with alcohol here, the part that took place when he was trying to cope with his trauma. i think he brings up the story of drinking with megumi immediately after, then, to avoid talking about that part of his past. though he doesn't show it much, i think he's deeply ashamed of himself. not only of what he's done, but how he's handled it afterwards.

on a lighter note, though, it's quite funny to think of Lawful Good young keiji shinogi getting drunk off his ass and flirting with every woman he comes across willing to flirt back. like, what's up with that??? he seems like such a serious dork in the flashbacks, but doing well in his police job, he just... lets loose?? no no, honestly i think he hadn't drank much before going out with megumi and he took her insistence on him drinking a little too far, and with his inexperience with alcohol and the successive lack of self restraint that comes with each new drink, you get casanova shinogi, lmao.

BACK TO THE SERIOUS STUFF THOUGH !! i really like the idea of him going to his mom to help him pull himself back together. i think they'd have a solid relationship, fight me! he seems to adore his mom as a child with a good single parent usually does. i'm sure he appreciates her immensely for all the care and love she managed to give him when he was a kid while also working her ass off to support them financially. this very respect for her is what i think would drive him to isolate himself from her after the shooting– as i said above, he's a murderer now. a disappointing human being in general, and an even worse son. to let down his mother who worked so hard to raise him right... how could he? as his condition worsens and his heart grows colder, i'm sure that feeling would fester inside of him. he'd try to ignore it, as he does with everything else, but it's already wrapped its tendrils around his soul. that particular guilt isn't leaving him any time soon.

now that i'm thinking about it, also, i don't think it's likely that he'd quit his job right right away. it'd be more of a slow descent over the span of a few weeks. immediately after the shooting, he may stop showing up to work for a while. he just can't put on that uniform when it's practically caked in the blood of someone he held in such high esteem for so long. eventually, though, he gets a hold on himself– just a bit. he doesn't want to be cooped up in his apartment with his thoughts anymore, and he doesn't want to lose his job. what else would he do?

so, he takes it easy on the first few days back. megumi tries to make it easy for him. paperwork, whatever job he could do that's not on the field. he clings to her like a wounded puppy, hoping that she'll explain why she's covering it up when he doesn't want her to, what he's supposed to do with these feelings around the incident. he's drowning, and she's made herself a big sister figure to him– she's supposed to help him. but, she shrugs him off when he brings it up. she's so harsh about it compared to how she usually speaks to him. perhaps because of her own guilt around the incident, perhaps it's the family's response and how keiji is now, how panicked and sleep deprived the poor kid has looked since that day.

so he continues to spiral with nothing to hold on to. grasps at alcohol in a futile attempt to stop falling, because it's all he can think to fall back on. he's a wreck at work– he's barely living, much less working. but megumi tries her best to keep him from getting fired. she'll get him coffee and breakfast and try to say something encouraging. "hey. hang in there, shinogi." with a touch on the shoulder. but in spite of her efforts, of course, it hits a breaking point. everyone in the job thinks keiji's too damaged to continue, saying he either needs to see a shrink or get the hell out of the way and let everyone else do their job.

and keiji just stops coming into work one day.

the downward spiral ensues.

[letterstothemidnightsociety]

Alright, so if you've been following along with me, Supernatural season 3 starts out on a trio of episodes that are Really Fun, slides into some episodes that are Pretty OK, then takes a real nose dive into Bummersville. Hoo boy guys, I really hope that this season picks up. I mean, it won’t, but I can still dream. 2021 was maybe not the year to start watching this season. Fair warning.

The next three episodes for this season are just, like, real downers. First we get “Fresh Blood,” which, aside from the terrible title, starts out on a high note. Gordon (gross) somehow manages to catch up with Bela (HOW??) and threatens her if she doesn’t hand over the Winchesters. Bela, in all of her class and grace, won’t give them up because she has a high price point and Gordon is really lowballing her here. Just like, yes, ok, please stay forever, you’re amazing and I love you. And what a scene this is! You have two characters, one with a strict moral code (albeit one that allows for violence and winning at all costs) and the other with almost NO moral code, but an allegiance that can be bought with the best price and it’s such a fun back and forth until Gordon pulls out a gun. And then she pulls out her phone and just has Dean on speed dial and that’s maybe my fav part. Bela has run into the Winchesters twice and they maybe legit hate her but she’s very much like, oh yeah, my BFF’s the Winchesters, I love those idiots!

I love that we come back to this moment later in the episode when Bela, like, three days later, is like, Oh! I guess I should warn the Winchesters that some crazy guy is after them! She’s just so casual about it you kind of get the feeling that, even though technically Gordon was threatening her life, she doesn’t view him as A Threat. She gives the Winchesters a heads up just to be like oh yeah, you might want to watch out for this mild inconvenience, and she seems legit shocked when Dean freaks out. There’s this moment that plays across her face like, oh shit, did I...did I fuck up? And it adds a nice bit of depth to her character. She’s seems honestly worried, both for the lives of the Winchesters but also that Dean won’t like her anymore and that is just a charming bit of A C T I N G!

I am gonna miss her SO MUCH when she dies at the end of this season. WHY did we CANCEL HER???

But despite the fun beginning, this episode is about monsters and how people become monsters and how other people are probably the reason. Because our main baddie is a vampire who hunts to...well, listen if we look at the facts that he lays out in his monologue, it’s a little more tragic - he’s trying to replace the daughters that he lost hundreds of years ago, cool motive, still murder. In practice though, he goes around turning hot blonde coeds into vampires and then ?????? Who knows. I’d like to believe that this was a problem with the CW executives or maybe casting/directing and not with the writing, but it’s SPN and you really can’t be sure with anything. The fact is, this is a CW show from the early 2000’s and a lot of their extras are cast to type. And that’s maybe me exhibiting some girl-on-girl crime, but there are other episodes that did a much less blatantly gross job casting their extras/Very Special Guest Stars.

Anyway, the POINT of this guy is that he’s a monster because someone killed his daughter and he’s just been trying to fill that grief hole inside of him for centuries. This is not unlike Gordon, who ALSO has been trying to fill a grief hole that he’s had for decades, except he’s not killing people and resurrecting them as blood suckers, he’s just killing them. And then, when the Vamp decides to turn Gordon it’s a real sweet moment of comeuppance for like, a HOT second and then you’re like, awww dude, ya done f’ed up. That was a bad idea. You’ve made a HUGE mistake.

More importantly, our Vampire In Question finally runs into the Winchesters and get’s to say things like “I was desperate! You ever felt desperate? I've lost everyone I ever loved. I'm staring down eternity alone. Can you think of a worse hell?” and also “I just ... I didn't care anymore. Do you know what it's like when you just don't give a damn? It's like ... it's like being dead already.” and Dean’s v. much like, THIS IS TOO REAL ROY.

Sam may ALSO be feeling Too Real feelings because he is DONE dicking around with Gordon and honestly yes, I like this, this is good Sam development. It’s nice to know that Sam has a breaking point. And I admit I’m of two minds about this moment because 1) I love the idea of Dark!Sam this season and that maybe Sam’s decision to actually kill Gordon is just one step in that process but 2) I ALSO love the idea of Sam Lite finally having a breaking point and Gordon is IT. I don’t know which theory I like more in this scenario, but they are both good theories.

I think as much as this episode wants to draw parallels between the monsters and Dean (thank you artful editors), you can’t look at the “I’ve lost everyone I ever loved,” line and not think of Sam? Cuz he’s got one (1) person left in his life that hasn’t died horribly, so how desperate is he about to get through the end of this season? I’ve definitely been watching this season with eyes on all the ominous Dean foreshadowing, but the Sam foreshadowing is also there, just buried under the heavy weight of a thousand smulders and suicidal levels of denial.

And also, FUCK the tag on this episode! Guys, it is CUTE but it is also HORRIBLE. Dean starts teaching Sam how to fix the Impala and at first it’s all, “Oh! Adorable Brothers Being Brothers!” and I loved it but then I almost immediately hated it because you realize this is about making sure Sam can get along without him once he’s gone and Dean just accepts his own death with such casual ease that it’s just...INFURIATING!

This scene was rude and I HATE IT!

Cut to - “A Very Supernatural Christmas” Special!

Guys, I was so excited when I got to this episode. THIS is Classic Supernatural Shenanigans. Plus, you know a Holiday Special is the ultimate sign that this show has Made It, right? Or it could be a sign that they’re selling out, who knows, but I think we can say that at this point in the series, SPN is established enough to start having fun with their fans. That’s what this says to me. BUT THEN what we get is like...oh boy.

First - like, I’mma beat this horse to death, but what is WRONG with this FAMILY? John Winchester very quickly devolved into the sort of father that forgot about every single holiday and did not ever, even a little bit, make up for it. It’s not a surprise, but it kind of wrecked me seeing a flashback where Baby Dean is just so attached to a father who can’t be bothered to actually care for his children. I know he’s not in this episode because Jeffrey Dean Morgan was tied up in other projects, but the fact that John doesn’t show up at the end to button the flashbacks with a But then he DID show up for Christmas! just makes this plot line that more gutting. And despite Dean’s hero worship of their father, this is maybe the Christmas where Baby Sam stops believing in his own father. The only bright side to this is that it continues to enforce the fact that Bobby should have sued John for custody. Bobby should maybe STILL Sue for custody so that Dean at least would feel like someone wants him for once in his life, damnit.

And then we wrap this episode up with the Best Worst Christmas of all, because we see Sam start to...also?? accept that Dean is about to die? Cuz that’s what this episode is really about - Dean’s Last Christmas. And everything about that makes me ~ u p s e t ~.

So Sam decides to put his curmudgeonly grinchy attitude aside in order to make it a special day for Dean and ugh. UGH. UGHGHGHG. Season three is the worst guys, and I can’t believe I didn’t realize that until right this second now.

So let’s wrap this up with "Malleus Maleficarum", honestly an episode that is mostly forgettable until we get to, like, the last five minutes. Sure, witches and curses and selling your soul, woohoo whatever.

But then we get some real Ruby centric reveals and like, WHAT is happening?? First off, the scene where Ruby and Tammy have a moment is a real Moment. There is some baggage and tension here and it is heavy. And then Tammy drops the mic when she reveals that Ruby used to be human.

THEN, Ruby legit saves their asses by killing Tammy with a fancy magic knife. Ok, Dean does the actual killing, but Ruby brought the fancy magic knife. So between the hot and heavy tension with “Tammy” and her repeated attempts to keep the Winchesters alive, we’re left wondering what IS Ruby’s deal? I personally wonder how much of the show’s mythology the show actually has figured out at this point? Because interviews with Kripke definitely walk the line between “Oh we definitely have this whole thing worked out,” and “yeah, we’re sort of finding things as we go along,” which is maybe why it’s able to last as long as it does. More on that later.

Of course the big kicker is the final scene between Ruby and Dean. Dean is almost on board with Ruby at this point in the season, and much like his scene with the demon in “Sin City”, they share a kind of vulnerable moment together where Ruby admits that, yeah, she was human once and yeah, Hell will destroy you, body and soul, and yeah Dean’s worst fear will probably come true - he will become the thing he hunts, no ifs, ands or buts about it. And Dean knows that Ruby knows that Dean knows that there’s no way to save Dean from his fate, but they both agree that they can’t take Sam’s last ounce of hope away from him because, for both of them, Sam is their hope. Ruby and Dean both see the war happening around them and they know that with Dean gone, Sam’s maybe the last guy holding back the tide to save all humanity.

Which, honestly? Bull shit. Do you know how many hunters are out there? Neither do I, but this season seems to indicate that there are a LOT. We have barely scratched the surface on the hunter community and it’s a damn shame that they are all weirdo loners because there is a war going on. You know what works great in a war? An ARMY. Buncha mentally unstable, martyr-complex ijits who can’t put their differences aside for one damn MINUTE so that maybe, JUST maybe, the could actually defeat the evil they’ve spent their entire lives dedicated to fighting. And if Ruby and Dean wanted to help Sam, what they should probably do is get him plugged in to that community. I do believe that of all they backasswards, self-obsessed, painfully anti-social crazies out there, the Winchesters are THE WORST.

Listen tho, this was like, a solid scene between these two. Just a lot of work goin' into this and it paid off.

Anyway, back to the mythology for a hot second - This sort of loosey-goosey stumbling into your own world building is probably another one of those things that you’ll only really get in a show with this many episodes per season? It’s that room to play and experiment and just make stuff up as you go along. I think the slow drip method of releasing episodes ALSO helps in this scenario because you’re able to see what fans are reacting to in almost-real time. When viewers are binging episodes, I think you're less likely to see what specifically they’re reacting to and more wholistically they’re reacting to. And that’s not to say you won’t see those specific things that they like/love eventually, but by the time you get there, your season’s been produced in its entirety and you’ll have to bear that in mind for (hopefully) next season. But with SPN, they were writing and producing the show at the same time that some of the episodes were airing. That’s why they were able to make decisions on the fly, based on what fans responded to. And definitely by this point in the show, there was a sizeable and vocal fan base that made their feelings VERY well-known. We’re only in season three, but they’ve already had a number of con appearances and a pretty active online presence. That kind of feedback has got to be helpful, from a writing perspective, but it also allows for things like characters getting cut because nobody liked them for some dumb reason. BUT, if you’re fighting to stay on the air for 100 episodes or longer, responding to fan reactions is what’s gonna do it and that’s a fact.

[faerune]

personality for Vera! (either all or whichever you feel like answering, don't want to overwhelm you!) :D

thank you so much ryley you’re the best 🧡 also asked by @solasan who is a bitch and needs to get out of my ask box (jk mol ilu)

alignment Chaotic neutral! Veers toward chaotic good most often much to some teasing from Judy who told her she expected Vera to be this big mean merc and how wrong she was.

MBTI Originally, I thought she was an ESFP but I think ESTP fits her far better — bold, original, direct, sociable, impatient, risk-prone, defiant.

tarot card The Sun — warmth, positivity, vitality, success, overly optimistic - for her life up until the end of Act 1. 

And then the Wheel of Fortune — destiny, a turning point, breaking cycles, resistance to change, good or bad luck, karma - for everything after!

zodiac Baby’s a Leo!

enneagram The Enthusiast — spontaneous, distractible, versatile, scattered

element Fire is absolutely her element and also matches her being a Leo!

color(s) you associate with them Bright orange, neon pink, the color of a sunset where it’s pastel pink, purple, orange and yellow, black.

theme song sushi for breakfast by BAYLI has been my Vera jam for a week now.

five positive traits

charismatic

confident

bold

loyal

clever

five negative traits

materialistic

stubborn

calloused

impulsive

tunnel-visioned

what heavenly virtue would you assign them? Diligence!

what deadly sin would you assign them? Greed or Pride!

what is their biggest fear? Poor thing just wants to matter. To be important. She saw so much death and anonymity of it that it terrified her. Kid in Heywood die early, get fucked up young, fall into debt with the big sharks of the city or sell their souls to a corp. She doesn’t want to end up like everybody else. 

Vera ultimately fears dying a nobody, just some Jane Doe in the morgue whose ashes they scatter into the Pacific without a thought. Mostly, because it confirms that nasty, heavy, sharp voice in her head that has told her since she was a child (one that sounds suspiciously paternal) — Night City doesn’t give a shit about you. Nobody gives a shit about you. That she has a choice of dying in the gutter or dying in a blaze of glory.

what is their biggest weakness? Prior to the game, she’s a little...too trustful of people from Heywood and those she admires. It’s why she gets involved with Dex because she’s so excited and starstruck that she doesn’t stop and think to consider the potential he’d fuck them over.

Other than that, she’s too impulsive and stubborn like I said in another ask. Bitch can’t sit still and think something through for 2 seconds because she’s so far up her own ass with “Well, something bad happened to [x] but I’m smarter and can handle this.”

do they care about their appearance? do they like it? Vera cares about her appearance a lot! The Valentinos strike me as a gang that really cares about their appearance (the aesthetic...chef kiss) and growing up in Heywood they were and influential part of what Vera wanted to grow up to be. She learned early that the way you present yourself affects the way people treat you and most important to her — how much attention they give you and make you remembered.

She really likes her appearance and puts time into it! Even clothes she wears to jobs - usually a jacket, a plain black croptop and highwaisted jeans - is carefully considered. Vera puts on a front in all aspects and fashion is of course no exception.

Also, if anyone fucked up her nails they are dead. Because she pays good money for those every two weeks. It’s kind of goofy but when she wakes up from being shot, her nails are all broken off and jagged and raw and because appearance is such an important thing to her it’s like...a thing she focuses all her upset on? Like she was dehumanized and dropped off in a dump just like she always feared she would be as a nobody Heywood kid.

are they confident in their abilities? Yes! Too confident that it often borders dangerously cocky but she does have the skills to back all her talk up. People aren’t afraid of facing her in a shooting competition for nothing. Or rather people aren’t afraid of her in general for nothing. Her papa crafted her to survive those streets and that’s about the only good thing he gave her. 

what is their opinion on cybernetics? Vera thinks it’s normal and that it’s weird when someone is completely ‘ganic. She sees it as leveling the playing field or rather playing at the level everyone else is at with implants since Heywood is chock full of them with the Valentinos about. Vera takes whatever advantage she can get!

Cyberpsychos and Maelstrom admittedly...scare her shitless because it’s another thing she has to watch out for both them physically and the possibility of that happening to herself.

do they have a good sense of humor? I’d say so! It’s a little dark at times (not as dark as say Johnny’s but she grew up around some real fucked up stuff that became normalized) but she’s a master of knowing how to tune it to the people she’s around. Little manipulator (even though she doesn’t see it that way).

how do they laugh? Fairly loud and very cute! She’s got a great smile and it’s admittedly easy to make her laugh if you know what gets her. It’s infectious and disarming - admittedly, she’s good at faking laughing too and uses it to her advantage because she knows that. That laugh is just a little bit more toned back and controlled - anyone who heard her real belly-laugh where she’s got tears in her eyes would be able to spot it.

do they smoke? Vera started up pretty young, maybe around 13, but she’d quit just after her mother’s funeral (~22 years old) and was in the years she was in Atlanta. Until Johnny’s engram rubbed off on her and she gave in and started smoking. She was under a lot of stress and the pressure caused her to pick it back up.

do they drink? Yeah! It’s pretty much the only vice she starts with at the start of the game. Vera grew up around in Heywood too. Deals were done over drinks and when she was a teenager everyone would sneak whatever they could from their own houses and they’d head up onto one of the roofs. Just drink and shoot the shit while the sun set. She loves going out and clubbing. It’s kind of just part of the culture. Vera only really starts drinking “by herself” during the game.

what kind of drunk are they? Fun loving drunk! Very flirty, loves to dance, the life of the party. It’s like Vera dialed up to 11. Her general habit of making bad decisions becomes very prominent when she’s drunk because the very reasoning and her cleverness flies out the window.

do they take any drugs? Noooo. Definitely not. She stays away from anything except w*ed on the rare occasion. Her mother struggled her whole life with addiction and Vera does not want to repeat her mistakes.