#I don't think those are goblin children

[morgana-ren]

Hmmm. This is perhaps an odd scenario to pop into my mind, but bear with me for a moment.

Now when you finally find Halsin in the Worg pens, he's being tormented by two goblin children, who, if you initiate a fight, will run away and summon a few extra guards unless you kill them first. Luckily for my soft heart, there are no consequences for that beyond three more NPCs joining the fight who aren't even very hard to kill lol

So... My mind has jumped to this scenario: we all know Astarion can be very cruel in his practical, survivalist way. Consider... Astarion's surprise when Tav, perhaps a paladin or druid or one of the goodie-two-shoes classes suddenly gets just as vicious as he, stopping him from shooting down the two little goblins and allowing them to escape. Tav almost roars their order to stop at him, as furious as the bear they just freed, and in shock he does, instead shooting down or stabbing one of the adults. They're bristling, savage in their righteous rage, teeth bare and spattered with blood after the fight ends as they snarl that there are lines they will never cross, not even for him. Their heart aches for the suffering he went through at the hands of Cazador and they want to help him achieve peace with it, whatever it takes to do so, but they don't have the luxury that he does of picking up and putting down their conscience. Unfortunately, not every time they cleave to their principles is sure to be as manageable as just a few more goblins poking their nose into a fight.

But they hold their line. No. Child. Murder. Ever. Not even goblin children.

How does Astarion handle a Tav who loves him, wants to help him, even trusts him to bare their heart and turn their back to him... But still challenges him because they remember he's still a monster and they aren't, not yet at least?

Ultimately, I think that's what Astarion needs. Desperately. He needs someone to rein in his darker urges and remind him of the humanity in him-- that he isn't the monster he thinks he is, and that he still has control over himself and doesn't have to fall into the pit of depravity just because he feels he is one.

However, what Astarion needs and what Astarion wants are two totally different things.

It's just raw pragmatism is all. Vampires have changes that happen to them that even they can't control. His desperation shows through when he's willing to feed on Tav despite being in a camp full of warriors that would almost certainly slay him if he was discovered. He needs that blood or he goes feral. He quite literally cannot help himself.

This coupled with his selfish, survivalist nature can be a recipe for disaster. It's only fair that Tav might be wary, because their morals might not align with Astarion's in any given situation, and the darker situations, like the maiming of a child, it might be difficult to know where he stands, so it's easier just to draw the line in the sand before he has a chance to cross it.

He doesn't like it. Astarion likes power. Astarion likes to do what Astarion wants to do without anyone there to question him. Astarion wants full control of his actions and autonomy-- including freedom from the consequences of those choices, regardless of how they might reflect on him.

But that's not love. Love is selfish, yes, but love is also compromise. Love is understanding and caring about your partners needs and feelings, and I think that's genuinely hard for him because it's asking him to give up the one thing he genuinely wants and strives for: Complete and total freedom.

It would take extreme tact and precision, because essentially, if his affection wanes, he has no problem walking away because the sacrifice isn't worth the benefit. He can really like Tav, but realize that he's a vampire that is essentially immortal and he can eventually find someone more suited to his tastes.

But let's assume he doesn't want to. Let's assume he genuinely loves Tav back and is willing to work.

It would still take immense tact. You would basically have to manipulate him and make him think that making the right choices is what he wants. It would have to be framed in such a way that he thinks he came to the conclusion himself. Tav might have to do a mental deep dive and try to figure out why the lines are where they are, because telling Astarion "Because it's the right thing to do" isn't going to fly.

For children, you might be able to frame it as 'They are no threat to you, it's a pointless waste of energy and arrows," or "Focus on the threat at hand. Let them run and focus on the ones that aren't."

I think it's impossible to change Astarion and make him a stereotypical 'good' guy. He is who he is and has centuries of his personality being carved into stone. He will always have to be held in check if there's something truly reprehensible he's aiming for. But you can sort of rewire his brain in a small way so that the truly dreadful things are things he won't consider because he doesn't think he wants to.

He will, essentially, always have to be babysat by a 'good' character, and it is immensely draining, but that's what it is to love a monster.

You cannot change the monster; you can work to tame it, but it will always be a monster. You can love a monster, and it may even love you, but you cannot change its nature.

What makes Astarion a monster isn't that he is a vampire, but that he knows he a vampire. He knows what people expect from him, and he doesn't really give a shit to subvert those expectations. What makes him a monster is his selfishness, and his will do to whatever it takes to be free and live the life he feels was robbed from him. Tav would be asking him to change who he is if they wanted to change that entirely, and that just won't work.

Compromise is the answer. Manipulation and compromise. You'd have to slap a leash on him without him realizing what you've done. And you'd have to make him very happy in the meantime.

[cat-with-a-keyboard]

we've all seen elbiotipo complaining about generic bandits and all of that but one think i have seen few people talk about is generic goblins. generic falmer even.

These are people, people who build their own villages and homes in the cracks they have been driven into. They have culture, language and stories. Even if the 'magic mushroom brain degeneration' theory about the Falmer holds up they are still People. They build homes, make weapons and armor, befriend Chaurus even. Goblins are, as far as I know, one of the original inhabitants of Cyrodiil, displaced by the Ayleids and then the Alessians, and there is nothing that can hide that they are intelligent beings and not simple monsters to kill and ignore.

[mossygrovel]

Sighs. Ulysses having a "talk" with Fable.

"Do you see how every parent is with their child here? Do you see it? See the pattern?"

"They're no different than me."

"Bullshit. They are gentle with their children. They are kind and forgiving."

"Do you see how Kai is gentle with her son? How Wanda is gentle with her family? How much kindness they show?"

"As am I."

"No you're not. Look at how Icarus is with you! I don't think there's been a moment where he hasn't been disassociated in the time that you have been here."

"..."

"You have never been kind or caring to them. You've used them, hurt them. You're a bad person. And an even sadder, sorryier excuse of a father."

"What about-"

"I swear to the gods that remain if you say Rae and Enderian, I will shove my trident where the sun doesn't shine."

".."

"You're wife is in a tube, you've murdered 2 of your siblings, your child is self destructing and-"

"My children you mean."

"I meant what I said, you goblin shark. When you look at Rae Morningstar, what part of him makes you think he has EVER wanted to be your son? What part of him has EVER looked like you?"

"His wits."

"He got those from his mothers. And as a matter of fact, what happened when he called you dad? The one and only time he's ever done it? What happened to him, Fable?"

"..."

"You slapped him across the face. And had the audacity to wonder why he ran away everyday. Why he had so much fear around you and Icarus. You and your child, are cowards. Now, stay away from my kid and his family."

ULYSSES DESERVES TO BE UPSET

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

Hello<3 can you do Masky, Toby, Jeff and Ben with a mean teen readerr? Like there just mad all the time but its because of trauma or something?:0 I LOVE YOU SMM TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF MLLL!!<33

Jeff and Tim are NOT gonna take that shit 😰

Thank you so much for requesting!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Masky

Honestly the dad in him comes out a bit

Like his whole thing is "what makes you think you get to act like that?"

He gets it, you've had a rough life but so has EVERYONE ELSE HERE

Just because your life sucked doesn't mean you get to be an asshole

He will treat you like a baby

Partly just to tick you off, and partly because if you act like a baby, you're gonna get treated like one

He'll put you in time out, he'll take things away, he'll put hot sauce in your mouth, etc

And the thing is, you can't even tattle to slender because slender agrees with Tim!

I think maybe here and there he'd ask you why you're always so angry, and what he can do to help, and if you don't answer, he doesn't mind because he understands

But if you do answer, your relationship begins to grow, and he learns how to help you out better

He doesn't want you to be mad all the time, because even though it might not seem like it sometimes, he does care about you

But as much as he cares, he also isn't gonna let a literal child bully him

He's way too old for that shit >:/

Toby

He's kind of scared of you

He just stays out of your way

His relationship with you is similar to his relationship with Jeff

He and Jeff are friends, yes, but they aren't close

And most of the time, Toby will choose to avoid Jeff rather than hangout with him

That's how he sees you too

You're a good kid! He just doesn't wanna upset you

The very few interactions you have with him are typically just him sucking up to you, or him doing his best to tiptoe around everything that could upset you

And because of this, you do take advantage of him sometimes

"Toby go get me a snack"

"I dunno y/n, don't you think you could go...get it yourself this time?" As he says this almost every word has a whistle or click after it, showing how nervous he is

You will slowly turn your head to look at him with a glare "I know you aren't calling me lazy"

"No, no! I-I would never! I'm just saying-"

"OH! So you're calling me fat then?"

"No!"

"Then go get me a snack before i make you regret the day your mommy queefed you out"

He REALLY needs to learn to stand up for himself smh

And typically he is pretty good at standing up for himself but yk

Kids scare him

Jeff

With his explosive anger issues you will not last more than 3 seconds around him omg

He is not above fist fighting a child btw

I mean yk, he'd get punished for it but that doesn't stop him

The second you try anything around him he checks you real quick

If you back off, he will get a boost of pride and say some shit like "Yeah, that's what I thought"

If you double down with it, it will likely turn into an all out screaming match

Until someone pulls him away and is like "dude you can't be fighting with little kids :/"

He will always call you names and always be sour around yo

Crotch goblin, little shit, failed abortion

you know, the usual <333

Honestly im gonna be so real with you for a second, the way I see yalls relationship going is only to one drastic side of a spectrum

You could bond over your anger issues and become best friends/siblings with an unbreakable bond

OR you could become so sour towards each other that the caretakers of the manor literally have a meeting about changing your schedule a bit to get around Jeff's

No in between its only one of those two

Yeah, Jeff doesn't take no shit from anyone

Even children, gotta teach em young <333

Ben

Ben, being so chill genuinely does not care what you do to him

Since he doesn't have a physical body, you can't fight him either

So sometimes he will pick fights with you just to make you mad

I'm desperately trying to make Ben's section more than 3 bullets long

I'm telling you he literally does not care, does not react, NOTHING.

You could be screaming at him and he will just continue about his day like you aren't even there

Which of course, makes you more mad

But again, he doesn't care

Making you try harder and harder just to get a reaction out of him

The only reaction you will get is out of Jeff, and we already talked about his dramatic ass

[keencroissantgardenflap]

DUMBLEDORE RANTS

I've thought that witnessing Marauders fans blame all the deaths on Dumbledore is annoying enough, until I saw DRACO fans blame Dumbledore for all the wrong choices and stupid decisions that DRACO made HIMSELF????!!!

That person said it was Albus's fault for ignoring Draco's issues, for turning a blind eye on whatever happened to Draco in HBP and only lend a helping hand at the end of HBP.

And I was like???? 😦😦😦🤡🤡🤡??? Seriously???? Can you use your brain? At that time of the story, Dumbledore was a leader of an army and he had a mf WAR to deal with, he had plans to complete and had many other people (children, women, men) to protect. He needed to find out what was happening between Harry and Voldemort and turned that information into something useful that could make his side win the war.

He was old as fuck and still had to worry about several things, he sacrificed himself to make a way for the other, for a ray of hope. He was weak, sick and injured after destroying a Horcrux and coming through all the things in that full-of-inferiors cave. Yet he still made an unsual effort to control the situation and did his best to save as many people as he could. And you still think that he had any free time to worry about some brats putting himself in a fucked up position?

I don't say that everything happened to Draco was all Draco's fault. I know he's just a spoiled child who became cocky, rude, selfish and rac*st because of the environment he grew up in and a secret desire to satisfy his parents's expectations. I know he isn't evil at all and didn't deserve all the bad things happened to him. BUT Draco wasn't the only one who was in danger. Every other students, other children were also facing the same war. Did you see what happened to Dean, Seamus, Nevellie and their families? Did you see what happened to other creatures like the elves and goblins? Did you see what happened to Order and Ministry members when Voldemort chased after them and tortured then killed them brutally? Dumbledore was losing HIS PEOPLE one by one, the war became very dangerous for his side and he couldn't hesitate anymore, he must do something, anything to make it better.

And despite all of those terrible things, Dumbledore still cared for you all precious Draco 😀. He had a plan for saving that boys soul, soothe him with warming advices while Draco's wand was still pointing at his neck. All the things he told Draco at the moment before his death are to make Draco not feel guilty about his actions. What else do you want Dumbledore do to help Draco? How else could Dumbledore help him if Draco rejected even his favourite teacher, the one he used to respect - Snape? Things happened to Draco wasn't only because of his fault, but it also was NOT DUMBLEDORE'S.

You think they would win the war without Dumbledore? You think your favourite character died because of him? Shut up you idiot 😊😊

I'm not even a Dumbledore defender, I know that old man also made mistakes in his life but I swear those ppls and their Dumbledore slander start being annoying as fuck. NOT EVERYTHING is his fault ok???? Urrggggg I'm going to get mad because of those ppls, they start losing their sanity for real 💀💀💀, they should be banned from social media for the peace of the world 🫂🫂🫂🤗🤗🤗

[taggedmemes]

SENTENCE MEME BALDUR'S GATE 3 / PART TWO

we were running for our lives.

you led them straight to us.

ah, backstabbing. feels just like home.

this woman saved your pathetic life.

anything to save yourself, you coward.

arrogant prick had it out for me from day one.

coming back to this hellhole was a mistake.

i'd rather face another round of goblins than stay in this pit.

whatever your business, i'd see to it quickly.

you're brave to walk around without hiding your heritage.

we've known enough grief this tenday.

saw you fighting those slimy bastards.

it ain't much, but it might make a difference.

you'll need every bit of strength, trust me.

there isn't a bit of color in those cheeks.

even on a good day, half the camp acts like a bunch of screaming brats.

i'm tempted to smack them all on the backside.

you aren't gonna shoot me — your hands are shaking.

you're better than this.

those words could be your last.

i can't do it, i'm not like you.

i don't need you to be like me.

could just be good luck, but sooner or later it's bound to run out.

lives are at stake and the cowards only care about their bloody rituals.

those dirt-kissers would let us die.

i'll go where i please.

rare and intriguing on a day already packed with intrigue.

there's no overstating my disinterest.

i was concentrating on not dying.

you've proven your authority, now prove your mercy.

let's just clear the air about that now.

it's just an old wound that hurts me from time to time.

it's just something i have to live with.

what is youth if not a time to be forgiven for one's transgressions.

putting a child on display like that was monstrous.

she wasn't innocent, but that doesn't mean she was guilty.

our hospitality have its limits and they were crossed long ago.

you seem like a good soul.

you deserve a chance to save yourself.

you can't cure what you don't understand.

doubt we'll be safe here for long.

he's back with his tail between his legs.

you're the first bit of good faith we've had.

his confidence is an asset.

i thought we had something special.

i'll spend my evenings lounging here while you do all the hard work.

be wary of false promises.

more riddles from my resident jester.

i speak only what requires telling.

finally, some good fortune.

this could be our last night together.

we could find somewhere discreet right now.

brambles on bare skin aren't as fun in practice.

i can't afford to tire you out.

will this little adventure of ours be over?

will you miss me?

you've been to hells and back.

i'm not easily impressed by people, but you're stronger than i gave you credit for.

i am pretty impressive.

i was leagues away.

i just need to get some air, clear my head.

the moonlight shines warmly on us.

do you think me so sheltered?

something's special about us.

i'll not gamble our lives on people who are as good as dead.

if something happens to these people, it's on us.

i suggest you do as she says.

the last time a subordinate questioned my judgement, i ate tongue stew that very night.

you ought to reconsider keeping her around, before she causes real trouble.

if you've finished scowling at me, what comes next?

you ever scare me like that again, and i'll feed you to a gnoll.

i don't make a habit of threatening children.

i'd thought one like you might understand.

when a threat makes itself known, you remove it.

you showed great mettle.

you will do more than speak.

this tale ends but one way.

[shewhopats]

Overwatch characters watching your kid

I've been thinking about writing some silly short stories about OW characters getting stuck watching someone's kid, but I figured I would make this guide for my headcannon for the kind of babysitter each of them would be.

Brigitte and Reinhardt would make you the most nervous with their methods. Lots of rough-housing, throwing them around and into the air, giving your kid sugar, letting them climb things, and overall just encouraging mayhem and rule-breaking. "You mom/dad doesn't let you do this at home? Well, they're not here, are they?" Your kid will come home thoroughly exhausted, but bitter about you not being as fun as they are.

Orisa would make the same mistakes as Brigitte and Reinhardt, but more out of ignorance and inexperience. Like letting your kid stay up too late, because she doesn't understand why going to bed at a decent time is important, or feeding them something that makes them sick because that's what they said they wanted to eat. Unintentionally lets your kid walk all over her, but once you teach her how it's done, she'll be your go-to option when you need a break.

Zenyatta would be so intrigued by the natural imagination and curiosity of children. He'd provide lots of different toys, art supplies, and time for unrestricted and uninstructed play. A one-man enrichment program. Just don't try to tell him there are boy toys and girls toys. Your kid will be allowed to play with whatever they want. He would also unironically have a blast playing pretend with dolls or action figures. I'm talking a 25-part narrative with backstories, lore, worldbuilding, and an Endgame-style final conflict.

Genji, Kiriko, Tracer, and B.O.B would be the kings and queens of "don't tell your parents." Extra screen-time, taking them out for ice cream, staying up a little later then their normal bedtime, etc. What I would call "a healthy amount of rule-breaking." They have everyone else convinced they are Responsible™ but you can't help noticing that your kid is always excited to hangout with them.

Ana and Torbjorn could be depended on the same way you can trust grandma and grandpa. They've had kids, so they know all the tips, tricks, and games to keep your kid clean, fed, safe, and happy. Just don't tell them some dumb shit like "organic, non-gmo fruits only." Your kid will be eating bananas from the supermarket like everyone else. But for more sensible rules, even the ones they don't agree with, they will follow them.

Echo will make you fill out a 200-question survey and write an essay on how you want your kid cared for. She will follow every instruction down to the letter, and send you updates every 30 minutes. If your kid sneezes, she will call you to ask about it. The downside is your kid will probably hate her for being such a rules monger.

Baptiste, Illari, Lucio, and Sojourn would try so hard to be responsible and follow your instructions, but puppy-eyes work on them 80% of the time. Your home will look like a warzone when you get back, but they'll help you clean up.

Lifeweaver, Pharah, Mei, and Zarya would get a whiff of that specific smell babies have that makes your DNA scream at you to make one yourself. They would be the sweetest, most gentle caretakers on this list. They'll spend most of the time snuggling on the couch, watching T.V. and drinking hot coco. Would let your kid give them a makeover, paint their nails, and play with their hair. Would read to and rock them to sleep, tuck them in really snug. They'd probably look forward to seeing your kid again, and every time you happen upon one of them, they'll only ask what's going on with the kiddo.

Sombra, Symmetra, and Widowmaker would rather be water-boarded then spend five minutes with those sticky-fingered cunt goblins you call kids.

Ashe, Hanzo, and Winston would happily agree to babysit for you, thinking they will be serviceable at it. How hard could it be? Then an hour later they call you, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and beg you to come back, because your kid is crying or throwing a tantrum. They definitely have the potential to be great caretakers, but they would need someone to walk them through it at first.

Bastion and Sigma definitely WANT to give babysitting a try, but they understand why that's probably not a safe idea. They would question your intelligence if you asked them.

Cassidy and D.va would take your kid to McDonalds or somewhere else with else with a play-place, and let them go wild while they sit on a bench nearby. They will do the bare minimum amount of work to keep your kid alive, because they have better things to do. Would only babysit as a favor for you if no one else is available.

Mercy is married to her work, and Ramattra is dedicated to his mission. If you somehow convince them to watch your kid for even a single hour, they'll set-up a playpen with whatever toys they like, toss in a sippy cup and snack every now and then, and ignore their existence while they do their usual business.

Doomfist, Moira, Reaper, and Soldier: 76 would tape your kid to a chair the first time it annoys them. I know there's the fandom joke of S76 being the dad of the team, but he's always come off as grumpy and impatient to me.

Your kid would love the junkers (Junker Queen, Junkrat, Roadhog, Wrecking Ball) for all the wrong reasons. They would teach your kid how to make a grenade launcher out of plastic bottles and rubber bands, 37 new swear words, and how to punch people in the throat. Unless you want to get a call from the school about your kid blowing up the chemistry room, I would choose literally anyone else to babysit.

Mauga would use your kids to get dates. He'll take your daughter to a dance class and talk to any single parents about how much of a family man he is and how difficult being a single dad. He'll take your son to play catch in a park so he has an excuse to take his shirt off and flex his muscles. He'll coach your kid to walk up to someone and say, "my uncle thinks your pretty, so maybe you can play with us."

[kanzakurawrites]

Hi I really like your descendants fic and your posts, so I have a question. If descendants was a pg16 show that actually did it's worldbuilding what elements would you ADD, which elements would you remove and what would you expand on?

Oooh, this is an interesting question. I'm sorry it took so long to get this answered! (and apologizing in advance for any rambling that takes place)

First things first, I'd want the show to switch between the Isle and Auradon. I am PERFECTLY fine with the main cast staying the main characters from the first three films. So it would be eye-opening, and good for the characters, for the show to have switched between the Auradonians, the Core Four, and the Sea Three.

I'd also want at LEAST the entire first episode, preferably first two or three, to have the Core Four on the Isle. Working with THEIR gang. So we can see what it is like for them to live on the Isle, what its like for them to be around their parents, and how they interact with others, before going straight to Auradon.

Now, Isle-related things.

I definitely know I'd want to add more elements of abuse on the Isle. It's implied in the movies, but they also seem to backtrack at times. (Dizzy's "wicked step-grandmother" comment, and then suddenly portraying Lady Tremaine as caring - the Vk's running to the Isle to see their parents.) It would need to be shown that the Isle is a HORRIBLE place. Physical, emotional.... and other forms of abuse. These things HAPPEN, and they are going to happen on the Isle.

As much as I hate to say it, there is definitely teen pregnancy on the Isle. There's also a lot of death for ALL ages.

Remember Mal's comment about gang activity? Let's see it. Show us the gangs, the fights, the rules, the alliances. Show us the politics on the Isle, and how these are CHILDREN fighting for their lives. Which also means injuries and scars.

There are all sorts of HORRIBLE crimes that people get sent to jail for (I really don't want to type the words since it makes me sick to my stomach), and those people are ON. THE. ISLE. It's not just the villains from the fairy tales on the Isle, its all the criminals as well. There's a lot of reasons the VK's have gangs, and keeping each other safe is one of them.

With that said, not all the VK's are going to be good either. Some of them will end up bad in the end. Just like there are going to be bad people in Auradon.

And then with the barrier, are seasons a thing on the Isle or does the dome mean that the temperature stays relatively the same? Are the summers scorching and winters freezing and dirty, given the pollution over the Isle? Things can't even grow!

How DID the Isle get approved? Was it better in the beginning? Did they just not think that villains could have children? These are questions that need to be answered, because even without purposefully trying to make it dark, the things we know about the Isle are sickening to think about. Nothing can grow, food is always rotten, everything is crumbling, and there is horrible pollution.

What is illness like on the Isle? It can't be good, it would run rampant. I want to see how it's dealt with.

And finally, how does the Isle affect the magical people there? Witches could probably be okay being cut off from magic, but fairies? They are inherently magical. Magic is apart of them. Same goes with Ursula, Morgana, Hades (though he's probably not affected at all). Trolls, dwarves (there have to be some), goblins, pixies, etc. Any on the isle, and their children, how are they affected here? Does Uma feel a loss in her chest when she's near the sea? Does Mal mourn her horns and wings? (and will she ever get any?) Is it painful? Do they get sick when they're in Auradon and finally around all this magic? Because you can't just... get rid of magic. It's going to be there.

Auradon Things:

I would really want to expand on how Auradon came to be. Along with the, likely, war that happened when rounding up the villains cause there's no way that was peaceful.

Politics. I want the politics. How do all these kingdoms work? What political parties are there? How are views on the Isle handled?

Arranged-Marriages are a thing. Not everyone does it, but I feel like we can all agree that some people (*cough*Leah*cough*) believe that they are superior to "Falling in love." I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Audrey and Ben had an arranged marriage.

Abuse. It's not just a thing on the Isle, but it's in Auradon as well, just in a different way. While there's a lot more physical abuse on the Isle, there's verbal and emotional in Auradon. Leah and, though I hate saying it, Beast are perfect examples. Leah constantly puts Audrey down, she makes her feel inferior. Beast made his sixteen year old High King... I'm sure I could find more examples for him but I think that's a pretty big thing right there.

Another thing to expand on is the equality issue in Auradon. The "sidekicks" got the short end of the deal, even though Ben tried to make it better, as the dwarves and animals weren't being PAID. They just worked all the time for the Royals. Magical people have seemed to be pushed aside, like Beast wants them all gone. Jane couldn't even train her with her magic! And she's Fairy Godmother's daughter! The three good fairies and other fairies from Aurora's kingdom are actively having to not use magic. How do Kingdom's like Corona (Ruby has the 70ft hair, so some semblance of magic had to be passed down. Magic is also canonical in Tangled the Series, along with things like DRAGONS), Arendalle, Agrabah, etc. function?

How do things with the gods play out? What is there contract with Auradon, cause I am NOT convinced that they would just let these mortals walk all over them forever. It's one of my biggest issues with Hades on the Isle as well, and why I think there has to be some bigger reason he's on the Isle. (Whether its them waiting for Beast's term to be over, or perhaps something the Fates said)

I'd want to add in how religions play out in Auradon, because all these stories come from different places. There are characters who are canonically religious in their films, good and bad. It's not something you can just erase.

How did Auradon as a whole react when the VK's came over? Were there protests? Was Ben under a lot of heat, or was Beast for letting Ben do this? How were the VK's treated at first? Not everyone was going to be welcoming. Who stood beside Ben, who was neutral, and who went against him?

Then with relationships. Honestly, I really like Mal and Ben, but I'd want to see them develop a relationship. Maybe mention their dreams and hint to the true loves, have them work through the love spell issue, show them dealing with cultural differences. Give them a realistic relationship with more depth.

With Evie, show the expectations her mother would have put on her. Did she have flings? Was she pushed to try to be with any "higher up" Isle male?

Harry and Uma... yeah their together. With the rating up, there is no reason to pretend they aren't or only give small hints. We get to have this relationship and yeah, you know, they are just Harry and Uma.

And when the VKs do come to Auradon, who are their foster parents? Because they have to have someone, right? How is that handled? How are they taken care of?

Then with the abuse they went through, show us the hints. Flinching when there are yells, or when someone goes to touch them. Maybe blank looks, disassociation, just not knowing how to handle relationships! Friendship or with adults! How they see themselves. That stuff does a number on you, even after years. And I understand why Disney didn't go deeply into this, but it also shouldn't just be brushed away. Acknowledging it could have helped just explain some of the VK's actions. (Such as Mal in the third movie, wanting to please the ultimately parental figures around her.)

I really don't think there's much about Descendants that I'd remove, I'd just want to expand on the world and make it... darker, I guess. More realistic vs. sunshine and roses.

(Also. Adding seasons. Seasons EXIST Disney.)

[vera-king-hrfl]

Here's the first bit of the promised Zevlor/Rolan little one-shot spicy story. It's more gentle than I expected, after the first bit, but I don't really plan things, and that's what came out. 🏳️‍🌈

Edit to tag @manicpixie-tieflingboyfriend in case they didn't see it. I gotchu fam.

 

“So I hear that you are planning to leave us.”

The gruff rumble of Zevlor’s voice cuts through your reverie and you look up, frowning. “I’m surprised you aren’t. They don’t want us here. We’re going to be forced out anyway. I’m just cutting to the chase.”

“And that is what it will be, Rolan. As soon as you step out that gate, the three of you will be vulnerable. And that’s not all. By abandoning the rest of us, you will be putting everyone at greater risk. We are stronger together.”

You bark a laugh, “are we? Dragging around a load of children, elderly, non-combatants. Almost all of them. I saw Guex yesterday. The kids. They will fall like wheat to the scythe. Can you and a handful of soldiers save them from gods know how many goblins and worgs and whatever else they send? At least, if it’s just Cal and Lia, we can hide, and I might be able to…”

He cuts you off with a chopping motion. “If I cannot hope to stand against this, then what chance do you have? You should wait. The party that just arrived, they are on our side. They have offered…”

“Bullshit. We don’t know those people. They took the Blade of Frontiers with them and fucked off. He was the only one left here that was on our side and the Arch Druid is probably dead. Even the mercenaries left after they knocked out their leader. For being rude to you, I might add. Can’t even fight your own battles. I think you’re going soft.”

“And I think you’re being very selfish. We have elderly, and actual children to care for. You should think of that instead of acting like one yourself.”

You growl, feeling the heat in your face. You know you’re getting too angry, given his calm demeanor, but you don’t care. “Yeah. Children and elderly, like you. Broken down old asshole. Half of our people are already dead because you can’t cut it anymore.”

You see him wince a little, and almost wish you could take the words back, but it’s too late. He bares his teeth, finally raising his voice, “Fine! Have it your own way. Petulant, stupid little brat. Go and get yourself and your family killed. I have better things to do than argue with you.” He whirls and starts to stalk toward the door of the cave he’s been using as an office, but his words burn you. Partly because you know he’s right, but you are seeing red, and almost before you realize what you’re doing, you raise your hand and shoot a single magic missile at his retreating back. It hits him, and he staggers, stopping dead. He’s wearing armor, but it still probably stung him pretty good.  

Zevlor turns, “you really want to do this, you little shit? It would take more than…”

Desperate to shut him up, you snarl and send two more missiles his way, but incredibly, he manages to dodge one. Fuck, the old man is fast. The other hits him in the shoulder, and he shakes it off and starts toward you, fangs gleaming.

Dodge this, you think. “Detono!” He leans into the Thunderwave, and it pushes him back, his boots sliding over the stony floor, but he doesn’t go down. Shit, he’s still coming, and you’re getting tired.

You try to blow him back with a gust of wind, all you have left, but the spell is too weak, he seems hardly to notice, gripping your wrist and twisting, whipping you around, wrenching your shoulder and pressing himself to your back. His other hand flashes up to cover your mouth. “Stop this now,” he snarls, “save it for our real enemies.”

You struggle, squirming in his grasp, attempting to pry the hand from your face, curling your tail around his leg and yanking at it, but he is far too strong, and your shoulder is screaming, and you’re thinking of enemies. Enemies everywhere, threats on every side, goblins on the road, gnolls in the hills, druids trying to force you out. You hear the insults, the filthy names, flashing back to your life as an unwanted orphan, the sting of stones thrown by human children when you were cold, hungry, and desperate for someone, anyone, to care about you. And now Zevlor will hate you as well, the person you secretly trusted to be strong enough to save you and your siblings.

Perhaps he feels your chest hitch with the stifled sob, or the tears trickling onto his fingers, or perhaps not, but either way he releases your wrist then, letting you drop your arm, and wraps his arm around you, still holding you tight and covering your mouth. “Are you finished?” But his voice is much more gentle now, and you nod, gasping for breath when he releases you, stumbling forward to lean against the table. You are reluctant to turn, to let him see you crying, but he is silent, merely standing there behind you, perhaps waiting for something. An apology, most likely. You know you should apologize for picking a fight, for attacking him even when he was resisting what had to be a powerful urge to knock some sense into you. He hadn’t hit you even then, merely restraining you so you would stop trying to hurt him. Your shoulder aches, and your lips sting where they were cut against your own teeth, but the tough old Hellrider could have destroyed you if he’d wanted to.

“That was really stupid,” you rasp, finally turning to look at him, “I am sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”

He looks a bit stunned, taking in your tear-stained face and bruised, bloody mouth, but shakes his head, “we’re all under a great deal of stress. I should not have let it go that far. I engaged where I shouldn’t have. The fault is mine.”

He's blaming himself, as usual, looking so contrite that another little sob forces its way past your lip. You had hurt him, just not physically. You know how little Zevlor thinks of himself, and this is just another stone piled onto the great burden of guilt he carries. That, more than anything, causes your face to heat with shame and the tears to flow faster, and you cover your face with your hands. “No no no,” you whine, “it was me. It’s all just… too much. I am afraid… makes me so angry…”

He's here now, closing on you, his hands gentle, soothing, and you feel the soft wave of his power flow over you, healing the cuts, the bruises, the pain in your arm, and he pulls you to him, hushing you and tucking your face into his shoulder. You wrap your arms around him, uncaring of the armor, holding him tightly as he rubs your back, letting you cry on him and whispering words of praise and encouragement. He is so kind, you think, so steady, a solid wall to prop yourself against when the shadows gather too near. You finally run down and sniffle, chuckling a bit, “I’m going to rust your armor.”

“Fuck the armor.” He eases you back to look at you, and you wipe your face on your sleeve. “Better now?” He’s still speaking quietly, smiling a little but still looking anxious, and his solicitous nature moves something in you. Your hair has come undone and he reaches up to brush a lock from your eyes and tuck it behind your horn. So gentle, so generous, eyes so bright, just like yours, lips so soft… without thinking you lean forward and press your mouth to his.

Zevlor freezes for a moment, but then pulls back, holding you away from him. “You are overwrought, Rolan. I think you should rest now. Come, you can wash your face and when you are more yourself again you can go back…”

“No,” you interrupt him, clearing your throat and lowering your eyes, mumbling, “I mean, I am, yes, but that’s not why. I know you don’t feel the same but… I kind of… I have a little crush on you. Have for a while. I don’t know if you would ever… never mind. It’s fine, I’ll deal with it.”

He looks more surprised than he had before, but he’s still holding one of your hands, and he doesn’t release it. “I don’t know what to say. I’ve never thought about you like that. Never allowed myself to…” Of course he hadn’t. You had known men who had, who had made their desires very clear, sometimes even forceful, and you’d had to fight off quite a few unwanted advances in your youth. It was one reason you strove so desperately to make yourself more powerful. But Zevlor isn’t like that. You’d never seen him so much as look at anyone in a way that might suggest interest. If he has desires, he hides them very well.

You swallow, his proximity and the warmth of his hand in yours making you brave. “Well, think about it now. If… I mean, if you want to. If you don’t like men…”

He shakes his head, his burning eyes wide. “It’s not that. And you are very… but I still think you are a little off balance. Not thinking clearly. You couldn’t possibly be interested a battered old soldier like me.” But you see the barest flicker of hope cross his face. Hope that he would quickly crush himself if you don’t act decisively.

You touch his face, the ridges on his cheek, and he doesn’t pull away. “I should not have done that without permission. I’m sorry. I will ask this time. Zevlor, may I kiss you?”

He is silent for so long that you become nervous again, thinking that perhaps you’ve offended him. He’s going to refuse, you’d misread him. You are gathering yourself to apologize again, to pull away, to take back your words, but it seems you have just rendered him speechless, because after another moment, he merely nods. You blow out a breath, feeling relief flood through you. You have to reset yourself. You want this to be good. Steeling yourself you slowly lean forward, slide your fingers up into his hair, and touch your lips gently to his.

He doesn’t respond at first, but you shift closer, increasing the pressure incrementally, and after a few more seconds he begins to return your kiss. His lips are even softer and sweeter than you had imagined in your guilty late night fantasies, and he moves them slowly, hesitant, not applying much pressure of his own. He is being very careful, you think, probably he still doesn’t really believe that you want this, thinks you might change your mind and pull away with every second that passes. But you have no intention of stopping. It feels too good. You tilt your head a bit, fitting your mouth to his, sliding your fingers to the back of his head, and you feel his own large, warm hand lay lightly on your waist. He likes it. He’s responding, getting a little more confident, and you hear his sharp intake of breath when you flick your tongue briefly over his mouth. He parts his lips, slightly, allowing you to taste the moist inner surface, to touch the points of his teeth. The hand on your waist slips further, settling against your lower back above your tail. That appendage is trembling, and you can’t see, but you think his might be as well. You decide to check, passing the length between your legs and his, seeking his own tail. A soft brush of the spade on the end, and you coil it around his, squeezing a little. That seems to crack some of his reserve and he wraps his arms around you fully, opening his mouth and letting you push your tongue against his. You moan, feeling the delicate tapered points taste you carefully. It’s incredible. He feels amazing, his heat, his strong hands, his tail around yours, and you feel safe in his arms, protected.

But you want more. You want all of him, and you lose yourself in the intensity of the moment, sealing your mouth with his, and reach your hand around to grip his ass and pull him hard against you. You are as hard as granite, but the armor is in the way, you want it off,  want him bare against you, on top of you, taking you. You are considering the fastest way to get into his pants when he suddenly breaks the kiss with a gasp. “Stop.” You shake your head, needy, and try to recapture his lips but he holds you away from him. “Not here. Not now. Someone else might walk in at any moment. And I… Rolan, that was… no one has touched me, kissed me in years. I need time to think, and we need to talk about this. Tonight. Down by the river. I will be there, and if you still feel… but I will not press you. If you change your mind I will understand. I won’t be upset. We can forget the whole thing, alright?”

You nod, breathing deeply, trying to calm yourself, but you know you will remember that beautiful kiss for the rest of your life. “I will be there.”

[lunar1an]

while i tend to be uncharitable towards pale (seeing a story you really like go directions you don't want that you think actively hurt it while watching people uncritically praise every new development and meme character for three years tends to make you jaded!) i do think some people get a little silly about dissing a web serial they haven't read so like. to just put it down here.

i do think early pale is objectively one of wildbow's best works. like. the rotating three perspectives are used extremely well. the characters read as convincing and likable children, the cast is excellent, especially the starting Others. it's an alternate, lighter look at a dark setting and it works. the fact that the mystery isn't the premise so much as figuring out the problem of "how do we handle that some of these Others want to get rid of us". or later "how do we properly confront these people without being too cruel because society's already done that to them".

that's like. arcs 1-3. arcs 4-7 are also, i think, good, even if it's ultimately a diversion and some of the simplified messaging around Other treatment is a bit eh. alexander and bristow have a lot of character and while they're more straightforward pure antagonists it's fun to watch them be petty. the trio interacting with traditional practitioners is fun.

8-10 is like. pretty good. but some of the cracks start to show with arcs 9-10 dragging on a bit (it has melissa though so thats good). the new cast members are fun and interesting and tie into the conspirator plot. 9.9 is excellent if a hard read.

11-13 is like. where the dragging on elements intensify. a lot of Diversions happen that kind of get in the way of the trio Solving The Mystery(tm) and while a lot of those diversions are chocked down to one conspirator's work it feels more like it takes screentime away from the main plot and core cast which you're Really invested in. 12.z and about half of arc 13's chapters including the Break interludes are really good though, bringing a kind of like. pact-y vibe and atmosphere to the story which was sorely missed.

after arc 13 though its like. at this point it's less three rotating perspectives that each lay their eyes on the main plot at specific points with an intent to highlight certain aspects of the story (avery focused on connections, lucy focused directly on the mystery, verona focused on the Others). and more three separate web serial protagonists with their own plotlines loosely connected. and things get bloated. and start escalating beyond reason (70+ practitioners attacking kennet???). and the Practitioner = evil colonialist oppressor stuff gets silly. but i think like. at least the story still cohered. musser still continued the trend of jerk practitioners who abuse the system even if he's just a TwitchPlaysPractitioner stream that does things arbitrarily like a ghost or a dog. the founding sequence towards the end of arc 17 was cool even if i was a bit disappointed with how kennet found turned out.

i think if you were really invested in the trio and their story you could probably stop sometime around there and be satisfied. not a good or a clean ending, and you probably were better off stopping at arc 13, but it works.

but then pale keeps going and does a complete paradigm shift to make the literal Red Menace Revolutionary the antagonist. and has to justify the also purportedly revolutionary kennet opposing that antagonist and shit just goes sideways. and by now you start running into the more ridiculous stuff like "avery compares goblins to human minorities" (yes. i know the intent of her statement. it was still silly).

like. it just stopped cohering or being consistent or anything. plots and characters get introduced and discarded just as quickly and have little to no impact despite how hyped up they are initially. it's not good, and it actively hurts the material that came before it (retroactively making charles worse, for example).

even the setting stuff is like. early pale had some silly things like a technomancer being able to set up a worldwide magic jstor or this one glamour-drowned dude being wayyy too powerful with glamour for someone who wasn't even a fae or practitioner. but it was like. you could excuse or justify or ignore it if it didn't agree with you because at least the rest of pale was good. but then every Path turned into a whimsical video game level (among many other less ignorable things) and pale stopped being good.

and like. man. even despite that i still think about the carmine alcazar chapters and the story of a Beast who lived in a world that had long left her behind. and the trio in the back of a truck practicing runes with their magic hat. pale was good. it was good! but then it had to keep going.

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: New Potter

[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: great newssss Rowling: they’re making a new harry potter ssseriessss on HBO Rowling: and thissss time Rowling: thisss time we’ll do it right

Rowling: I’ve been VERY dissssappointed Rowling: to find that the kids from the original moviessss turned out to ssssupport transss rightsss Rowling: I don’t know how they get away with sssssaying that Rowling: I made them! I own them! Rowling: they should be compelled to obey ME! Rowling: I mussst have accidentally given them clothesss at sssome point

Rowling: but I plan to be heavily involved in thisss new potter ssseriessss Rowling: and, believe me, I will be heavily sssscrutinizing thessse new actorssss Rowling: essspecially when they’re sshowering

Rowling: I’m making a new potter sssseriessss Rowling: and there’s gonna be ssome Rowling: CHANGESSS Rowling: around here Rowling: firssst of all, harry potter is a nazi now Rowling: I’ve decided that fascism is good now

Rowling: the deatheaters are all evil queers and drag queens now Rowling: and I want hookier noses on those goblins!! Rowling: maybe put ssssome payot on them Rowling: i don't want there to be any misssunderssstandingsss about what i'm ssssaying

Rowling: I need a big doofy oaf Rowling: just a big hairy bumbling loser who fucks up all his relationships Rowling: glinner Rowling: you’re gonna be our new hagrid Rowling: now we need some stupid old hippie Rowling: just a real annoying loudmouth hippie that everyone can shit on Rowling: nina, I think you would be a great trelawny Nina Paley: it’s the part I was born to play!

Rowling: and for cho chang Rowling: I choose Ishida Tatsuya Tatsuya: I’m Japanese Rowling: Rowling: look it’s not my fault you all look alike Tatsuya: also I’m a guy Rowling: LOOK I already said it’s not my fault you all look alike

Rowling: jesse, my loyal wormtail Jesse Singal: yes mommy Rowling: I have saved the best part for you Singal: mommy mommy mommy! Rowling: for you shall me Singal: [vibrating] MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!!!

Rowling: you shall be Singal: MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY Rowling: Anthony Goldstein Singal: Singal: oh I thought I was gonna get to be harry potter Rowling: you? Harry potter? Ha! Rowling: don’t make me laugh! Rowling: I’m saving that for matt walsh

[michidafantasy]

Marry Us - Astarion x Tav

tw: mentions of death, blood, gore

Tav is implied to be female in this drabble.

The group has been ambushed by a large goblin horde. Tav, believing this will be their last moment together, makes a confession.

The group had seen many battles in the months they traveled. Some were simple, some rather complicated. However, each time, they emerged victorious, just a bit more skilled for the next enemy encounter. Strategies and planning made them a strong group.

However, this fight was more complex than what they had thought. A swarm of goblins ambushing them as they made their way to Baldur's Gate. Worgs surrounded them, making escape an impossibility. Nothing like this was expected, and made for a major disadvantage.

And thus, the battle raged. All hands on deck, Lae'zel being cornered with Shadowheart while Gale and Wyll gave their all in casting, dealing major blows.

Even Halsin was roped into the fight, bear formation as he did his very best to knock each Worg down in his path.

Not too far off, Astarion and Tav were back to back taking the brunt of the damage.

Blood trickled down Tav's temple, her head spinning from the pain and bloodless. She probably shouldn't have let Astarion feed off of her, but it had become such a nightly ritual. She cursed herself as she slashed off Goblin arms that came their way.

Her eyes continuously darted back to her vampiric lover, anxiety pounding within her chest as arrows flew, stabbing him into the pale, exposed flesh.

"I didn't expect for us to end like this." she gasped amongst the battle cries and screams of pain

Ruby orbs flickered for near a moment before ripping the arrows away, "Talk like that makes me believe you think we're done for, Darling." he chuckled.

Hot, thick air pierced within their lungs as she was tripped up, crashing into his back and rolling down a nearby hill. Astarion's arms wrapped protectively around her. The smell of iron drove his senses wild as he realized how brutally they had been hit. Her blood coated his hands. It took everything within him not to panic when he saw how pale her face truly was.

Flashes of fire danced within his eyes, fear within hers.

"I can't die without telling you this.." she softly told him, cupping his cheek.

There he froze, "Don't you dare say your goodbyes...we're going to get out of this, my love.!"

She grabbed his hand tight, placing a soft kiss onto his cold lips. A mixture of fresh blood as well as mud coated what should have been a tender moment in the heat of it all.

Those eyes Astarion had come to love softened in a way that truly terrified him. He knew this look, a look of defeat and acceptance. A look he never in the hells wanted to see on that beautiful face.

She took a hasty breath, "It's been on my mind...I thought...I thought that we would be able to overcome everything and have a bright future..."

The roaring fired arrows from Karlach swooped by, only momentarily breaking Astarion's attention. The enemy was closing in fast and with them knocked down, the group was fighting harder.

But Tav continued her words as if it was the end, "I wanted to see....see a beautiful ceremony...you and I...all of our friends...I wanted to marry you...and possibly explore having our own children...but if this is how I go...with you by my side, then I'll fight to the last breath holding your hand."

His still heart, untamed and undead, seemed to flourish to life in a way he never knew. Such a confession like this wasn't something he ever thought he would hear. Sure, he and Tav were a thing. Sure, Karlach made so many jabs and jokes about when Astarion would pop the question. That was just that, he never assumed anything as perfect as that ideal life would come to him...to a monster. Someone who belonged to the Shadows.

But there it was, plain as day. The unfortunate thing was it had to be when his most treasured jewel thought they would never see it. A dream that could never come to fruition.

A new fire ignited within the pale elf's chest. His grip around her wrist tightened, eyes darkening. He searched desperately for the particular druid, landing his sights to the far north of the fight.

"Halsin!" he screamed as he picked Tav up, rushing through the swarm of Goblins with fury and haste. Slashes were made of each figure, limbs flying by in the wake.

"Kind of tied up at the moment!" The bear figure called out as he clawed down a line of Worgs.

"Halsin! Marry us!" he delcared.

That alone was enough to break everyone's concentration, even a few of the goblins themselves.

"Are you out of your mind!?" Halsin retorted, "Don't you see we're in a midst of a battle."

Tav's eyes widened in surprise, but her heart shot up, giving her a new sense of purpose as she lifted her blade and side by side cut down the group of enemies.

"Just do it, please!" She begged Halsin, locking eyes.

With a groan, he nodded. Each word, each vow being met with a stab or slash of the foe. A new form of ceremony, and dedication to one another.

As Halsin brought down the last of his statement, the final bit of Worgs came barreling, irritating him as he tried to speak before he entered into a rage, ripping apart the remaining beast before screaming.

"Just kiss already!"

In the moment, Astarion grabbed Tav by her waist, yanking her to him as close as he could before deeply, feverishly sealing their vow with a kiss.

The companions watched in bewilderment, mowing down the last of the Goblins. However, one particular Tiefling could not maintain her joy, shouting out to them.

"It's about damn time you did this! But why in the hells did you do it now!?

One flick of a flaming arrow sent a massive blast that sent the last of the Goblins airborne in many a different direction. But, the blast did make for quite the background as the two newly weds stared into each other's eyes. Husband and Wife. Their story would just begin.

[smolgloves]

The Perfect Crime

Summary: The group makes their way to the Zhentarim basement, putting Tav on edge.

Tw: Sexual innuendos

“We are not taking things from the Zhentarim.” Tav hissed out to the borrower within their hood. 

“But some of their stuff looks useful.” Freya protested. “Besides, weren't they trading with the goblins? It sounds like they deserve to lose a trinket or two.” 

Astarion let out a giggle as he walked alongside them. “I think dear Freya has a point, we're running low on gold, you know.” 

A deep sigh erupted from Tav, it was nice to see Freya and Astarion starting to get along, but had they known that the two of them would spark some questionable ideas, Tav would have left one or both of them in camp while they ventured into the Zhentarim hideout. “You know exactly why you don't want to make enemies with the Zhents.” 

“We'll only make enemies if we get caught.” A smirk flickered onto his lips. “And I'm good with my fingers, darling.” 

Years of monk training had never prepared Tav for the suave words of Astarion. Their cheeks quickly flushed and Tav was too preoccupied with trying to keep those late night trysts at bay to notice a stone that was wedged in the dirt path. Their worn boot caught on the jagged rock and nearly tumbled forward. Wyll shot his hand out and grabbed onto Tav's arm to save them from eating dirt. 

“Gods!” Freya shrieked out, clutching onto the robes to keep from falling. 

“Freya, sorry I-” 

“Focus k'chakhi, do you wish fumble into one of their poorly disguised traps?” Lae'zel snapped. 

Embarrassment snuffed out the elation in Tav, which was quickly replaced with annoyance. Astarion was relishing in the chaos he made with just a couple sultry words. If they weren't in the hideout of black market dealers, they would forgive his jests. 

“You four!” Shouted the guard. “Quit pissing around and get over here! Zarys doesn't like waiting.” 

“We'll be right there!” Wyll called out. 

Tav dusted themselves off, ready to ignore the vampire's antics when Freya tapped on their neck, the light touch was enough to make Tav's stomach flutter. 

“I don't think I should be around these guys if they're as bad as you say they are.” She spoke in a hushed voice.

“I agree, what do you suggest?”

“She'll come with me.” Astarion said. 

“Are you serious?” They hissed out. “Not after what you two just suggested.” 

“But wouldn't it be better if I am given to the rogue in case there's some trouble?” Her lips pouted as she stared up at them with big gray eyes. “That's what you always suggest when we do something especially dangerous.” 

Gods damn it, if there wasn't a pissed off guard waiting for them to get down, Tav would absolutely sit them both down to explain why they can't go off together like children since they want to play dumb. “Fine, but don't do anything stupid.” 

“We'll behave.” With a smile, Astarion's slender hand clapped down on Tav's shoulder, coaxing the borrower to slip out of their hood and get snatched up by him in a fluid motion. 

“I mean it, you two!” Tav shot them both a final glare before heading deeper into the hideout. They could already hear them whispering some sort of scheme. Tav turned towards Wyll. “Keep an eye on them, will you.”

“I won't let them out of my sight.” 

Tav nodded, but a pit formed in their stomach. They wouldn't be surprised if Astarion found a way to slip away from Wyll. A plan already began forming in their head in case the worst happened. Perhaps one day when their lives weren't in danger, Tav would be about to sit down and admire this newfound relationship budding between the two and maybe one day, be a part of it too.

[just-antithings]

The situation with Harry Potter fandom makes me wanna put my head through a wall.

I saw comments on a post that said "if you have a Harry Potter url I think you should kill yourself <3"

Like. What the fuck.

Dont get me wrong, I HATE jkr. Along with the transphobia, there's the antisemitic goblins, Asian stereotypes (Cho Chang really??), the fact that she said her werewolves were a metaphor for AIDS when there were explicitly "bad" werewolves who spread their "disease" to children on purpose, the fact that she made a race of magical creatures slaves and then mocked the one character going against the enslavement (but it's fine because they LIKE being enslaved) (also this character she also later attempted to retcon by saying she's Black. Big yikes), also the running joke of the one Irish character exploding things (written by a British woman in the nineties so there's some Implications there). She's bad. No one should support her, so no buying the games, books, movies, etc unless they're second hand.

And I know there are plenty of fans who agree with her, and seeing someone mention liking the franchise could raise some red flags.

BUT.

Why the fuck do you go after creators of fanworks?? Jkr doesn't get shit from that, first of all. Second, she's mentioned previously she doesn't want any fanworks that aren't "kid-friendly", so anything with smut/queer characters other than Token Retcon Gay Mr. Dumblydoor would probably make her shit herself.

But newsflash! A lot of creators suck! Taking it out on people who separate the content from the creator and are just doing this for comfort reasons, people who KNOW why she's wrong and have often been a target of that bullshit themselves? Jerk behavior.

Im nonbinary. I loved Harry Potter growing up. I grew out of it before a lot of this came out, but it still fuckin hurt. I'm just so sick of people taking it out on those making fanworks that don't even support jkr instead of...yknow...going after jkr herself. You're just punching down to the people already hurt, because you can't do shit to the one who hurt them and you need to take out your rage somewhere ig.

Anyway fuck jkr fuck transphobes who like her and fuck these people man

.

[gaycrittercentral]

Im curious and new to the fandom what are Sam and max's personalitys I don't understand them really much but I like the characters! Do you have any tips to help..? A easier way to understand their dynamic

Oh hi welcome to the fandom bud!! :D hmmmm let’s see, how can I summarize these two dumbasses…well, the show bible is a fantastic place to start if you’d like to hear from the creator himself! There’s a lot of really interesting stuff in there, including a page or two that goes into detail about both of their personalities. Really neat stuff!

But let’s see, if I had to summarize them…well, I guess I’d put it under a cut cause I’m gonna ramble a bit lol

I guess I’d say that they’re just a couple of lunatics who enjoy doling out their slanted version of justice and accompanying it with their constant banter. They’ve been best friends and partners in crime ever since they were children (and in fact still have tons of baby photos framed around their office lmaooo) and it shows. They’re often described as having their own language, and they have incredible physical comfort with each other, with Sam frequently seizing Max to fling him at people or use him like a weapon (Max likes this, notably) and Max occasionally using his partner like a cat tree. And while they like to poke fun at and do slapstick on each other frequently, it’s clear that they’re incredibly close and really care for each other. Also they’re gay as fuck lmaooooo canon just doesn’t know it

Ooh here’s something I think gets misinterpreted a lot! Sam is not as reasonable and moral as he might seem. He just looks that way in comparison to Max, but he is honestly just as deranged in a lot of ways. He just hides it behind his carefree cadence and friendly smile lmao. It’s the kind of thing where if you ignore what he’s actually saying, he sounds calm and friendly and nice, but then you tune back in and realize he’s suggesting they wrap Max in tinfoil and stick him in a microwave for fun, or casually threatening some bizarre form of violence against something. I think it’s best summarized by this meme lmaooo

That said, he is still the more reasonable of the two of them, and probably the only one capable of feeling guilt or shame. It’s just that hanging out with Max kind of obliterates any chance of those feelings sinking in for long.

Oh and for Max, one thing I think is good to remember is that despite his frequent zero braincell behavior, he does in fact have a decent amount of intelligence. Which is kind of frightening, actually. He’s not as verbose as Sam, or at least doesn’t like to be, but he’s got smarts enough to make witty jokes and concoct his own plans and whatnot. He’s just also a goblin who likes clobbering people with flyswatters and would totally eat pizza off the floor lmao.

Conversely, Max isn’t exactly as deadly as he claims to be, either. Like, he’s still an absolute terror, but I think it’s important to remember that all one really has to do to keep him at bay is push his head away lmaoooo he arms too dang short

Ok but that’s all a bit in the weeds, so let’s see…basically, Sam is a cheerful goof who would really like to be a cool film noir detective, but is too busy having fun to keep up a serious facade for long. And Max is an irrepressible scamp who just likes to cause trouble and get into fights and wander around aimlessly. Sam does have his own weird sense of justice that he wants to uphold, but Max is kinda just happy to be along for the ride, and both of them are really only fighting crime and solving cases because it’s fun for them. And they’re a little codependent. Lmao.

Ooh, y’know what else has some really great analyses of these guys across different incarnations of the series? @h-worksrambles’s excellent discussions of their voices! Here’s the one they wrote on Max and his voice actors over time, and here’s the one on Sam. There’s a bit in the latter one where they talk about how Sam has a sort of shallowly-hidden temper that tends to burst forth on occasion, which I had never really given a lot of thought to but that I feel has deepened my understanding and enjoyment of his character! Definitely check those out, they’re a great read. :>

[geese-in-a-frock-coat]

Look if Disney insists on making a princess and the frog remake (which they will, mark my words) allow me to pitch the one thing that will save this movie. Practical effects.

I am a firm believer that if this movie stays as far away from cgi frogs and crocodiles as it can they will have a much better movie. Like can you imagine jem henson style frogs on a jim henson style swamp. Or at the very lest have puppets as your starting point and work over them. Big CGI projects feel so far off to me, like the 'live action' lion king. I kind of broke my heart that there was nothing there. A real swamp with real living breathing (I've met puppeteers trust me these things breathe) characters, to me, is just so much coziers than a lifeless computer generated melty faced blob.

And can you imagine Doctor Facilier's song (it's been a minute since I've seen this thing) done with practical effects. Think of things like matilda. You can acheive so much with wires and magnets and hidden stuff. And i mean compare the chalk scene in matilda vs the musical film. When watching films that utilise practical effects (star wars, early harry potter, matilda) to their fullest potential, not only do you get a more realistic experience, you can feel the problem solving happening behind the screen. You get to ask yourself 'how did they do that?' and the answer isn't just, it was never real in the first place.

"But won't kids know that they're puppets. Don't you want things to look real."

Look as a child, I did not believe that Kermit the frog, or those henchmen goblins from labrynth, or Yoda were real. But just because you know something is a puppet doesn't take away from the fact that it's real. You know Yoda is a puppet and yet when watching the film you experience him as just as real as luke skywalker. And the scenes play out so much smoother because its actually there.

When you insist that everything must look as though it is in real life you're ignoring the fact that the realist thing you can do is have it exist. Understanding that kermit is felt and glue does not take away children's ability to emotionally connect with him. Sure there are no endless cgi possibilites. But I could reach out and touch kermit where i could not reach out and touch the lion king. There is an intimacy and magic in Labrynth that is not present in something like Alice in Wonderland 2010, because I see everything though the distant lense of computers.

To misquote something I heard someone say about star wars, no one kicks up any dirt any more.

TLDR: If/When disney makes their princess and the frog remake, give me puppets, give me wires, give me stuff thats really there, or give me death.