#I fucking forget how much I LOVE this industry until I get back into it

[sagittariangirl27]

This reminds me of one of my first tumblrs. I started with erotic art, and ended up finding myself. I will be back here soon.

[shotmrmiller]

Ghost knew that declining any type of work in this industry wasn't ideal. He can do as he likes because Ghost is a name everyone knows, a porn actor no one forgets.

Unlike you, the newcomer. Still so green behind the ears.

So, with a downturn of your alluring lips, you inform him that the meeting to go over the upcoming threesome with Price would have to wait.

"My manager sent me an email this morning, very last minute, about a video I'm gonna shoot with Gaz."

The fingers that were tugging your hair still. "Oh yeah? Know wha' kinda scene your doin'?"

You softly hum. "He's to be my handyman neighbor. Gotta bat my eyes at him as I ask if he can come fix my kitchen sink."

Kyle's a decent bloke, a looker for sure.

He's an up-and-coming entertainer. The pretty boy next door, the brother's best friend type.

Face as if sculpted from marble, a smile to die for.

Beautiful, really. Not particularly Ghost's type though, he likes a little more meat on his bottoms. Not that what he thinks matters, of course.

"Tha's alrigh', love. We'll postpone it to after then, yeah?"

Ghost quietly sits behind Price with his arms crossed, never taking his sharp eyes off the small screen. Even though Kyle is there too, all he can see is you. Your rosy tongue tantalizingly licks your bottom lip as you give Kyle a once-over.

Smart fingers undoing the button on his trousers, hooking into the waistband, carefully pulling them down until they puddle at his ankles.

The way you gaze up at him through your lashes, with his cock in your pert mouth, taking him in until the tip of your nose grazes his trimmed pubic hair.

How your neck cranes back so beautifully, eyes fluttering closed as Kyle slides his expert tongue through your slick folds. Your soft thighs trembling as you buck into his mouth, the heels of your feet digging into his back. Ghost's ears catch the sound of your breath hitching, while his eyes feast on the delectable sight of your back arching off the kitchen counter as you reach your peak.

His fingers sink into his thick bicep when Kyle doesn't relent after; continues to lap away at your sodden cunt, pressing tiny kisses on your sensitive clit. Ghost's spine straightens instantly when he hears your pained whimper.

It's too much, Kyle needs to back off before he forcibly gets him off of you—

It takes less than a minute for you to reach another peak, squealing as you come.

Your airy laugh dissolves the tension in his shoulders and leans back into his chair.

Good.

He drinks in the euphoric expression on your face when Kyle slowly sinks into your wet heat— your sweet moan forever music to his ears. Ghost watches you jolt back on the counter with every sharp snap of Kyle's slim hips. He hears the breath punched out of you with each thrust. He can see your white, creamy release around the base of Kyle's thick length, strings of slick connecting you two.

Your hands curl around Kyle's forearms, your shaky legs wrapping around his waist.

Ghost's eyes narrow when Kyle leans forward to whisper something into your ear, and you mewl loudly. Ghost clenches his jaw so tightly that he hears a pop.

Kyle's got stamina, Ghost'll give him that. He fucked you through three orgasms until he finally pulled out and spurted thick cum over your mons.

Price calls it a wrap, and the crew begins to take down the lights and such.

Ghost doesn't move from the chair he's in, knowing that you'll come to him, even on unsteady legs.

And walk over you do, slowly but surely. "Hi, Ghost." He pats his thigh invitingly, gesturing you to sit.

"Hey, love. You did so well," he praises. "Looked a dream."

As you glance down in embarrassment, his dark eyes lock onto Kyle's, who stands with a cold water bottle in hand across the room. "Flatterer."

He holds Kyle's gaze a couple more seconds before flicking them to you. "Only tellin' the truth, pet. Alrigh', let's get outta here. Ya hungry?"

He places an arm around your lower back, the other under your knees, and lifts you off his lap.

"Don't even try to pull tha' dietin' bullshit on me either," he chides.

He huffs in amusement when you sputter.

[cordeliawhohung]

Hey, hi, hello!

So hear me out...

Pornstar! Gaz who's director decides it's the reader's turn to top Gaz because that's what the porn industry has been turning towards. Gaz is a little skeptical because how can his sweet girl do anything but be pliant for him? But he goes along with it anyways.

Flash forward and his body is shaking, eyes rolled back as he desperately fists the sheets until his knuckles turn pale. Reader is a better top than he thought she would be! Poor boyo is so overstimulated that he's a whimpering, crying mess and reader is just riding him without a care in the world, maybe thinking about giving him a lil prostate torture while she's at it. <3

Anyways, that's all I have. Good day.

ps!gaz masterlist [unedited because i'm tired just enjoy the horny thots]

"Beg."

All Kyle sees when his pretty brown eyes flutter open is your grin. Usually he thinks your smile is cute, but right now the only word that pops into his mind when he sees it is devilish. He would hate to admit that he underestimated your abilities when the director said you were supposed to be dominant that day, but he certainly never expected this.

Your sweet cunt sucked him in the moment you lowered yourself onto him, and you refused to let him do any of the work. Pawing his hands away from you like he was nothing more than an annoying cat, you bounced on his cock like you owned it. Owned him. Fuck, you brought him so close to heaven that he had completely forgotten the two of you were filming until he saw someone shuffling in the corner of his eye.

But now, as he lays there and stares up at you, his mind is blank. Up until now, you hadn't really spoken much. Just took the lead and rendered him a writhing, sweaty mess underneath you. It didn't help that you had stopped right as he felt he was about to come. It renders his brain completely fried. His brows pinch together as he attempts to catch his breath.

"Huh?" he pants.

Your grin only grows wider at his cute confusion, and you slowly roll your hips back and forth. It's a painful dance, the way your walls clench around him. It only leaves him wanting more, and yet instead of asking, the only thing his body is capable of giving you is a strained groan and his eyes rolling into the back of his head.

"I said beg," you repeat.

It's clear with his heaving chest and fluttering eyes that Kyle's completely useless. You've never seen him so fucked out before, and it's a masterpiece that you know you won't forget anytime soon. Still, the film is running, so you take your hands and gently slide up along his feverish skin. Goosebumps rise along his chest in wake of your fingers as your hands cup either side of his head, forcing his full attention on you (as if he could put it anywhere else).

"Do you think I let just anyone come in this pussy?" you ask. You lean forward to press a chaste kiss against the corner of his mouth before nuzzling your nose into his cheek. "No, only good boys get to do that. And do you know what good boys do? They beg."

Kyle's mind finally makes sense of what you're asking of him, and you feel his cock twitch inside of you as he groans. Every muscle in his body contracts as he attempts to hold himself back, to keep himself from seeming pathetic, but you've brought him so close to the edge, tortured him for so long he's not sure he cares anymore.

"Please, doll," he says in a whisper. Your lips are so close together that you can almost feel the way the words form on his mouth.

"Can't hear you," you goad.

"Please," he tries again. "Fuck, thank you f-for makin' me feel so good. I just- please, I need more. Just a little more, please doll, I'll be good I swear- fuck."

Your chuckling cuts him off as you push yourself back. The view of the muscles tensing in his neck as he looks at you through heavy lids is nearly enough to make you fold.

"Look at you," you croon. "So lovely for me, aren't you?"

There's no time for him to respond before you're back to riding him, hips slamming against his with such fervor it steals his breath away. Kyle's head wrenches back into the mattress as his fingers nearly tear holes in the sheets. The only thing he can mutter between breaths is the phrase thank you over and over and over again.

"Good boy."

[suashii]

୨♡୧ GOT ME LOOKING FOR ATTENTION! — how they react to you being needy.

featuring. itoshi rin, shidou ryusei, nagi seishiro, barou shoei.

warnings. f!reader, f!masturbation, dacryphilia, marking, pet names (pretty lady, good girl). all characters written 18+.

note! it's my first time writing barou so please be kind! enjoy (≧∀≦)

₊˚ପ⊹ ITOSHI RIN

it's a day before rin was expected to return home and instead of telling you about his early arrival, he figured he'd try to surprise you. though, when he opens the door to the apartment, you aren't at your usual spot on the couch. he worries that you might not be home, until he hears it—a pitchy whine coming from down the hall. he follows the sound that leads him to the bedroom where the door is slightly ajar, enough for the moans to spill from the gap.

rin pushes the door open with his foot, revealing your figure on the bed. it's a lewd sight; on your knees with your legs spread, fingers stuffed in your dripping cunt in a chase for that sweet spot you can't quite reach. still, you pump them with fervor in search of blissful relief. it takes a moment for you to notice the man's presence and turn to him with teary eyes.

a gasp catches in your throat at the late recognition. your call of his name comes out wobbly. "rin?"

a tear falls past your lashes as you blink, rolls down your cheek and drips from your jawline. rin thinks it must be a little fucked up that seeing you in such a state turns him on. it makes his pants feel tighter, lights glowing embers beneath his skin. he figures that, maybe, he should inquire about the watery look in your eyes.

"why are you crying?"

"it's not the same," you reveal, turning your gaze down. you chew at the inside of you cheek, contemplating on if you should elaborate. though, when you drag your eyes back up, it's like his teal stare compels you to continue. "y'know... as when you do it."

rin didn't think his ego could get any bigger but you have a knack for feeding it. the confession goes straight to his dick and as much as he'd love to sit and savor your helplessness for just a little longer, there's a way address both your needs while still having a bit of fun with you.

"i'm here now," rin tells you, closing the distance between you. he wipes another stray tear from your cheek. "so, why don't you ask for my help?"

₊˚ପ⊹ SHIDOU RYUSEI

your breath tickles shidou's collarbone as you let out yet another discontent sigh that borders a whimper. with a drink in one hand and the other settled on your waist, shidou glances down at you. it's a rare sight to see you so clingy; usually he's the one sticking to you like glue. but now, there's a sparkle of want in your eyes as you toy with the buttons of his shirt, fingers threatening to unfasten them.

"a little touchy there, huh?" shidou says with a grin. he wouldn't mind putting a little bit of his naked chest on display but it's unlike you be so forward at events like these—ones where anyone can see. "thought you preferred when we maintained decorum at these types of things."

"you know i don't want to be here," you respond, a soft pout punctuating your words.

oh, does he know. you'd been even more touchy while the two of you were getting ready earlier. the length of your nails grazed the curves of his abdomen as you straddled him, your clothed cunt hovering just above the growing tent in his boxers. leaving a wet kiss on the pulse of his neck, you rolled your hips, grinding down on his bulge. releasing the lip you had pulled between your teeth, a tempting offer fell from your lips. "can't we just forget about this one? i think we'd have more fun here anyway."

if weren't for his manager warning him that another absence would be the woman's last straw, shidou would have given in and stayed home to please your every desire—lapped and slurped at you until you came on his tongue and fucked you until you did the same around his cock.

though, in an effort to stop himself from burning any more bridges in the industry, he chose to attend with a needy girlfriend and a painfully hard cock.

lifting his glass, fuchsia eyes flit to the watch wrapped around his wrist.

"twenty more minutes, pretty lady." shidou dips his head down so his lips are ghosting yours. the airiness of his voice sends shivers down your spine, causes goosebumps to raise on your arms. "and i'll be happy to take care of you."

₊˚ପ⊹ NAGI SEISHIRO

nagi isn't usually distracted so easily when he's playing games. he pays his phone little mind, so much so that people begin to worry when he doesn't text back after a couple of hours. sometimes he's focused to the extent that he forgets to eat until he can hear his stomach growling.

the one exception and his favorite distraction is you.

he doesn't mind when you shimmy your way between him and his controller, latching onto him like a clingy koala bear. he'll rest his chin on the top your head and let you be. that much was meant to be the plan today when you took your place on his lap but you seemed to have something else in mind if the kisses you left trailing up his neck were any evidence.

they were easy enough to ignore at first but the soft feel of your lips against his skin eventually turned into wet, open-mouthed kisses—the kind where you suck and nip at him. each bruising kiss you leave behind chips away at nagi's focus. though, much to your dismay, his caramel eyes stay glued to the screen ahead of him.

you were almost sure he would have given in by now, picked up on the heavy hints you were so clearly dropping. you suppose his cluelessness is one of his many charms and you certainly don't mind having to speak up if it get you what you want.

"sei," you draw out the syllable, curling your fingers around the wisps of snowy hair at the nape of his neck, "wouldn't you rather play with me?"

the purr of your voice and the implication behind your words makes him still for a moment, long enough for little health his character had to dwindle, prompting the game over screen. he doesn't seem to see his failure and if he does he's made it apparent that he doesn't care.

finally, you're the focus of his gaze. nagi abandons the controller in favor resting his hands on your hips. his hold on you is firm and when you meet his eye, you can feel your heart jump in your chest. it isn't so often that you witness this side of him—the one where he greed is palpable. that and his next words light a flame within you.

"what did you have in mind?"

₊˚ପ⊹ BAROU SHOEI

there's something endearing, captivating, about watching barou practice. his moves are fluid yet forceful and they can't help but remind you of another activity that you'd describe the same way. it's even more difficult to not make the connection as you watch his chest heave and beads of sweat drip down from his hairline.

the image makes your mind wander to thoughts of you beneath him, mouth open wide and nails running down his back as he pounds into you, hitting that sensitive spot he's sure will make you come undone. you rub your thighs together at the thought in a feeble attempt to alleviate the pressure between your legs. it does little to help and you imagine there's only one thing that can.

"hey."

you blink at the call of your name, eyes focusing on barou at the barrier between the field and the stands. he beckons you over with two fingers, he other hand wiping away the perspiration that dampens his face. picking up the water bottle you had refilled for him, you scurry over to meet him.

your gaze follows the bottle as barou brings it to his mouth. you watch his adam's apple bob up and down with each swallow before your eyes drag up to see his lips wrapped around the spout. the scene before you transforms again, this time to one where it's your nipple between his lips. you squeeze your thighs together, crossing one arm over your chest. when you speak, your voice comes out a little squeakier than usual. "almost done?"

barou shakes his head. "still got half an hour."

"half an hour?" you repeat, eyes widening and lips curling down into a frown.

barou isn't stupid. just like you've been watching him, he's had his eyes on you. he's seen how you've been looking at him with that far away gaze of yours and he knows exactly where your mind had gone in those moments. after all, you're doing a pretty poor job of hiding it.

"be a good girl and wait," he tells you, tipping your chin up so you're looking him in the eye. his crimson stare is hard but there's something else behind it—hunger. "then i'll give you what you want."

thanks for reading! consider commenting or reblogging if you enjoyed ❤︎

[gingerjolover]

helloooo!! ik it'll probably be a while until you see this, but could you please do how naomi and soft!gf meet/start dating? like maybe someone from munagenius introduced them? tysm 💋

OHHHH YESSS

(okay i do want to write a fic about this but i literally have this idea and i need to blurb it out or it will consume me)

(don’t let me forget about writing this fic, i also have an aftercare fic with nomi)

SOFT!GF AND NOMI WERE F W B

i know this sounds so crazy but let me give you the run down that soft!gf and nomi were friends with benefits first and they were just hooking up but nomi was in LOVE with soft!gf but was like “i’ll take what i can get” bc soft!gf wasn’t really interested in them like that

they met because soft!gf was friends with katie (tea) and when katie and naomi broke up, katie was like actually i have this friend (TEA) and i think you’d really like her (TEAAAAA)

and this is in college so soft!gf and nomi are like ??? 19 or 20 ???

but soft!gf probs just got out of a long term relationship or at least like a year long relationship (i think with a man, i have canon in my brain that soft!gf was pan before she was lesbian but obvi tailor that to you boo)

soft!gf was NAWT looking for anything serious so when katie was like “lol this is my ex you guys should talk”, soft!gf was like “if you’re not dtf i’m not interested”

and nomi was HOOKED

i mean such a simp from the beginning

but i do think that they didn’t DATE while in college they exclusively were fwb pretty much anytime they were both single

and then they graduate and muna becomes muna

and in some versions in my head, soft!gf goes and gets a PhD like I don’t think she’s in the industry at all

and it’s not until she becomes a dr (probs in english or queer studies or communications or sociology) and muna is signed to saddest factory so they reconnect

i feel like nomi was with ally and soft!gf was really focused on their studies and dated here and there

but she stayed close with katie and finally katie is like “you’re back in la??? come hang out”

and THATS when they start dating

i think it starts casual again but very quickly nomi is like “fuck this is why it ended in the first place she’s the loml” and this time soft!gf reciprocates

they were freaky as fuck

should i write a smut

i’m getting ahead of myself

[richeeduvie]

ok there is a very real chance i’ve sent an ask about this before but i cannot remember soooo baby getting R tattooed on her somewhere as a surprise and roman dropping dead when he discovers it

"What's that?"

Baby's smiling at her smiley little girl. She presses her chubby finger against the small R on her mommy's bicep.

"It's a surprise for Daddy."

Baby Jr tilts her head. "For Daddy? He wants letters on you?"

"It stands for his name, silly. Roman."

"...I forget his name isn't Daddy. But what?! Is it there forever?"

Baby smiles a bit more. She combs her fingers through Baby Jr's soft hair as she rolls up her sleeve a bit more.

"Forever. And maybe...the first letter of your name can be right next to his. I bet he'd like that, but I won't tell you when I'm getting you tattooed, that would spoil the surprise."

Baby Jr breathes in hard, she's much too excited so suddenly and she doesn't want Mommy to make her use her inhaler, so she's trying to calm down - but Daddy is gonna go crazy for this, and Mommy get her name too? It's so much. She sits criss-cross-applesauce, rocking until she needs to sit in her Mommy's lap cause biting is good, biting is love, but she'll bite herself and that hurts, so Mommy's the next best thing.

"Daddy is gonna go coo-coo."

The front door swings open, a groan coming out through the room.

"I call death to the film industry. People are fucking - the risks they take is about the size of their assholes. Or...maybe not, maybe their anuses are huge and that'd explain the sticks they're able to stuff up there."

Baby Jr giggles. It's because of her Daddy being funny, but there's a secret on Mommy's skin and she don't know if she can hold it.

"Don't swear, Daddy - buttholes is also good word to use."

"Well everything's perfect when you say it, nobody is going to go anywhere near a middle aged man who uses the word butthole. Hug."

She's so giggly and Baby tries to hide her smile, elbow under her head. Baby Jr goes running off to Roman, hugging his legs. He takes her up into his arms in this obnoxious, smug happiness. But he blinks quick at how his daughter seems to just, heave. Cutely heave with laughter.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing!"

And Baby takes to standing.

"I think she'll be more excited than you are for this."

"...What?"

"I just had an impulse, nothing too regretful - I don't think you'd like me to call it that but...I got a tattoo."

Roman looks to his daughter and blinks slow, a glaring turn back to Baby.

"Oh. Ew."

The ew is dragged out, Roman rolls his eyes and puts Baby Jr down. He rubs his face. To soothe, to show just how much he thinks that that is a stupid idea.

"A fucking tattoo? You wanted to go cool and ruined your skin? It's gonna be a fucking butterfly, or something like fu....like warrior. No, no - I married you, I would like to think you wouldn't get your skin etched with something as fucked as that. Please tell me it's somewhere that's not that noticeable."

Roman almost goes off, but he covers Baby Jr's ears. Baby crosses his arms.

"We don't do doggy, so like, if it's your back, whatever."

"Mm. Bicep."

Her voice is casual as his eyes widen.

"Are you kidding me?! I have my mouth there all the tim-oh my god. Next time you have a impulse, walk three blocks and kill a finance guy or a labor worker. Don't do this to me."

"Daddy. Stop being silly, please please - you are gonna love it!"

"I'll accept it eventually, Honey. Sure, but-"

Baby takes steps to Roman, rolling up her sleeve, pleasure under the casual, relaxed features of her face. As Roman's soften at the sight of the R.

"I could always get it removed. It's pretty small, so I assume it'll be easier than most. I thought you'd like it. But tattoos are permanent, I should've just bought a necklace or something."

Roman stares. He doesn't blink. Baby Jr giggles.

He swallows and does this almost cough before he scratches his head.

"Why did you get it so small?"

"...I think that'd be a good thing considering I'm just gonna get it removed-"

"No! Shut the fuck up - I just didn't kno-I didn't think it'd be this...me. For me. You're for me. Cool, it's..."

Roman blinks hard before his eyes just go small. Baby Jr makes hand motions for Baby to pick her up and when her mommy does, she's the one holding the sleeve in her little fist to look at her daddy's initial.

She mwahs a kiss on Baby's tattoo.

Baby smiles before her brows curve in confusion at the look of her husband, Roman's flexy and shifty hands as he keeps staring.

"Roman, you okay?"

"...Uh-huh."

He takes her arm, a face serious and Baby Jr can't understand why because it's so cute. Cute things don't need serious faces, but she won't question her Daddy.

"I literally...this means I can never get you for anything now. Seriously. Fucking one-upper."

"No, it doesn't. You really don't like it-"

"Shut up. I do! You kno-God, I do. But you don't even own enough tank tops to show it up so whatever, and you've one-upped me with the hottest blot of ink..."

Roman breathes...wrong, Baby's brows bend lower.

"Roman, breathe."

"Daddy, you can use my inhaler."

"I'm fine. I'm...it's just-"

It's just that anything about her and her love for him can ruin him, make him feel sickly in such a perfect way. He shudders. It's pathetic. Roman wants to be normal about this, but his heart's never been in the right place to be...regulated. But fuck, who fucking cares? She's perfect and she loves him enough to be branded with his initial.

So, he's going to feel like he's going to die because he could die happy right now. How many people get that moment?

Roman kisses Baby Jr's cheek.

"Why didn't Mommy get my whole name?"

"Be grateful, Daddy. Please."

Baby snorts. Roman's brows raise, it's a "Right, sorry."

Baby knows it went as expected when Roman mwahs his initial on her skin, just twice over before he nips.

[zimms]

new york city

you called me last night on the telephone and i was glad to hear from you cause i was all alone you said, "it's snowing, it's snowing! god, i hate this weather" now i walk through blizzards just to get us back together

Derek twists the telephone cord around his finger, straining to hear Will's words down the phone. "Sorry, you're cutting out. The landline's a little dodgy."

He definitely doesn't fail to hear the crackle of Will's laughter down the phone. "A landline? What is this, Nurse? The eighties?"

"Shut up! My moms prefer it for some reason. And, I don't know, it has a bit of je ne sais quoi, a bit of nostalgia, a bit of style, y'know." To emphasise the point, even if only to himself, Derek winds the cable around his fingers a couple more times.

"I don't, but I'll take your word for it."

Derek huffs his own laugh before softening his voice. "Look, the point is that I missed what you said the first time. Please could you repeat it, babe?"

Will's voice comes through the phone. "I said that it's snowing here."

"Isn't it always snowing in Maine in December?" Derek says, "Like I thought that was a given?"

"Yeah, but it's the first time I've seen snow since I last saw you." Will's voice goes quietier. "I miss you."

"That was literally two weeks ago, Dex." Derek rolls his eyes, knowing full well that Will can't see him. "You can't possibly miss me that much; you literally went almost two years without talking to me between leaving Samwell and the spring." He sighs and grins to himself "But- I miss you too."

we met in the springtime at a rock and roll show it was on the bowery when it was time to go

One second Derek is bouncing along to the song that the band is playing, the next, his gaze is fixed on a very familiar head of red hair that's darting through the crowd at the gig.

Dex?

Derek is too packed in by the surrounding crowd to do anything but watch, tracking the figure of a man who, two years ago, he never thought he'd see again. Well, maybe not never, after all they'd been to two weddings together this summer alone. But the point is, it would never be just the two of them again.

He allows himself to be swept back up in the words of the song, singing along with the rest of the crowd, but he never truly stops staring at the back of Dex's head. It's fine; Derek will catch him at the bar after the show. He has to.

The gig is in a tiny bar that masquerades as a club/concert venue, packed to the brim with people here to see bands make their first stumbling steps into the music industry. Derek first listened to these guys in his Senior Year at Samwell and fell head over heels in love with their music. They were even the soundtrack to his alarms for the year, greeting him before every 5am practice (because Dex was a total hardass).

After the final song, the crowd starts to disperse and Derek seizes his moment to chase after Dex.

He can't let him slip away from him.

Not this time.

Derek pushes through the crowd, apologising every step of the way, until Dex is finally within reach. Naturally, as soon as Derek goes to close his hand around Will's shoulder, the man in question takes a step forward and Derek takes a big handful of just air. "Dex! Hey! Dex!"

Will spins around and suddenly they're chest to chest for the first time in- Derek doesn't even know how long.

He forgets how to breathe.

"Nursey?" Dex's eyebrows furrow in that familiar way: the way they would when he couldn't figure out the problem with a particularly tricky bit of code, or when he was trying to figure out the best way to shut down the opposing team's attack. Derek hasn't realised until now just how much he missed that expression.

"Dex!" he says, trying desperately to sound normal and not at all breathless and relaxed. "How are you? I didn't- I didn't know you were in New York?"

Dex rubs the back of his neck. "I'm, erm, I'm not really, but I guess, I am?"

"Dex, I say this lovingly, but genuinely what the fuck does that mean?" Derek takes the opportunity to step back, breaking the physical contact between them at last. He can finally breathe.

"I'm living over near Lincoln Park, but I'm working for a start up here."

Derek laughs. "Dude, you could have just said that!"

"I was suprised to see you, okay!" Dex mumbles. "Though I'm not sure why I'm that surprised considering that you were the one that got me into this band, but it's whatever."

Derek pauses and considers what to say for a second, looking Dex up and down to try and gauge how much interaction with him Dex would be willing to stand. He takes another second to throw all of that consideration out of the window and just say fuck it.

He grins up at Will. "Can I buy you a drink?"

we kissed on the subway in the middle of the night i held your hand, you held mine, it was the best night of my life

One drink turns into two and two turns into four and so on and so on until the two of them stumble out onto the Bowery and into the open air at 3am.

Derek doesn't know how to describe it, but everything always feels easier at 3am. As they walk along the street towards the subway station, he brushes his hand against Dex's once, twice, three times until finally Will takes his hand in his.

They tangle their fingers together, relaxing into the easy rhythm that they lost at some point during senior year, and falling into each other's orbits yet again.

Derek tugs Will towards the Houston Bowery Wall, gravitating towards the explosion of colour in the night light. "C'mere." He squeezes Will's hand. "This is the Bowery Wall Mural. It's one of my favourite pieces of art in New York, especially this one."

"This one?" Will's voice trembles a little as if they're in a holy place rather than stood on the intersection of two busy streets in New York.

"They change the wall every so often, a constant fresh start, constant new opportunities. Sometimes they decide that a mural has had its time, sometimes other people decide for them, covering up the work with graffiti, showing the world what matters to them. But the wall always comes back with a newer piece of art, a never-ending cycle of hope and new beginnings."

Derek looks down at his and Will's interlocked hands and gives them another squeeze. "Last year, they decided to stop commissioning new murals because they kept being destroyed, but out of the ashes came this mural."

The wall is painted in a bright array of portraits, depicting people of all shapes and sizes. It takes Derek's breath away as he looks at it, even though he walks past it every week; there's something different about bringing Will here.

Will's voice catches in his throat. "It's beautiful. Thank you for bringing me here."

Derek grins back at him. "Thank you for coming with me."

Will's expression shifts and his eyes begin to dart around. "I should be going."

"What? All the way back to Jersey at this time? You're not going to get back until like 8am. Seriously, come back to my place; you can take the guest room."

(Internally, Derek kicks himself.)

"No, no, I can head back; I wouldn't want to impose."

"No, seriously I insist," Derek says, slowly beginning to steer them towards the subway station. "We're like ten minutes from my place on the subway; way better than going back to Jersey."

Will huffs a sigh, knowing that he's lost this battle. "Okay, fine. But I'll pay you back somehow, y'know."

Derek smiles at him as they enter through the ticket barriers. "I know."

(Derek will unashamedly admit that they made out in the empty subway carriage. Like c'mon, how could he resist waiting until he got home?)

because everyone's your friend in new york city and everything looks beautiful when you're young and pretty the streets are paved with diamonds and there's just so much to see but the best thing about new york city is you and me

Derek wraps his arms around Will's waist and pulls him in closer, letting their bodies slot together in the warmth of the bed. "I'm so glad that I spotted you at that gig," he whispers into the crook of his neck. "I couldn't let you get away again."

Will leans back into the embrace. "I'm glad you found me too." He wriggles a bit, getting more comfortable. "It feels like I was stumbling blindly around the city before you found me. Like New York and you are so intertwined; you are New York, New York is you. It was weird to be in the city without you, to be honest.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.” Will turns around to look at him. “Seriously, Derek. I’ve loved the past four months of you dragging me around the city.”

Derek tickles his sides and Will squirms in his arms. “Drag?! I seem to recall you were the one that made a whole list of places that you wanted to see, including Co-Op City.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Will mutters, ducking his head. “Maybe we shouldn’t have trekked all the way out to the Bronx just for it, but I thought I should see it, okay? It was a big case study in my urban planning class.”

“I know, I know. I’m just teasing you.” Derek leans down to kiss his boyfriend. “I think it’s sweet, honestly. Especially considering you didn’t think to do any of this stuff in your first two months of living here.”

“I was getting used to a new city! I wasn’t trying to sight-see; I was trying to survive!”

Derek hums to convey his total belief in Will’s statement. “Uh, huh.”

“It’s true!”

Derek hums again and grins down at him. “Anyway, do you still have that list somewhere? I need to figure out what’s left on your New York bucket list.”

Will blindly flails his arm onto his bedside table. “Yeah, yeah. Lemme just find it.” He rummages around a bit more, before finally producing a crumpled-up piece of paper. “here you go.”

statue of liberty, staten island ferry, co-op city, katz's, and tiffany's, central park, brooklyn bridge, the empire state, where dylan lived, coney island, and times square, rockefeller center

“Okay, I think I have the perfect idea for what our final stereotypical New York sightseeing trip will be,” Derek says.

“Mhhm, am I allowed to know what it is?”

“You’ll find out in, like, three months, I promise.” Derek can’t resist and gives Will another peck on the cheek. “It’ll be worth it.”

wish i was there

Derek finally removes his hands from where they’ve been covering Will’s eyes for the past ten minutes. “Surprise?”

They’re stood just outside the Rockefeller Centre ice rink, which is filled with a hurricane of screaming children and couples desperately trying to keep their balance whilst holding hands.

Will chuckles. “I’d say yes, but somehow the fact that you blindfolded me when you caught me looking at a sign for the Rockefeller Centre says otherwise.” He pauses. “Also, the fact that I caught you stealing my skates from my apartment the last time we were there.”

“Okay, you got me,” Derek says, “but it was good choice, yeah?”

“Yes, definitely.” Will threads his hand in Derek’s. “It was a great choice. Plus it’s like full circle, y’know. We first met at an ice rink and it’s nice to bring the list to a close with an ice rink too. Especially considering how much our relationship has changed over the past seven years, though it was a bit touch and go for a while, eh.”

Derek can’t help himself; he laughs. “Eh? Have you been spending too much time with Jack, huh?”

“Shut up.” Will lets go of his boyfriend’s hand so that he can elbow him instead. “I’m trying to be romantic and poetic and shit; don’t make fun of me.”

“Okay, okay.” Derek says. “You said exactly what I was gonna say, is all.”

“Oh?” Will mock-gasps. “So, I was in fact being poetic and shit?”

Derek kisses him – mostly to wipe the smug grin off his face – and then pulls back. “Are you ready to go and show these kids and tourists how it’s done?”

“Aren’t we technically tourists for this exercise?”

“Shhhh.” Derek kisses Will again, just for the fun of it this time and as they break apart, he feels something wet on his cheek. “Wait, are you crying?”

“No, you idiot, it’s snowing.”

Oh.

So, it is.

Derek feels a little stupid right now, but he can’t tell if that’s because of the kiss or because he was so obviously wrong.

Will taps him on the shoulder. “Come back here, idiot. This feels like a pretty perfect ending to my first year in New York.”

Derek waggles his eyebrows at him. “Yeah?”

He’s met with an eyeroll, but Will also rewards him with a “yeah” and another world-stopping kiss.

Derek has to agree with Will: with the snow falling down on them and the hubbub of the city around them, it does feel like a pretty perfect ending to their first year in New York together.

you wrote me a letter just the other day you said, "springtime is coming soon so why don't you come to stay" i packed my stuff, it's on the bus, i can't believe it's true. i'm three days from new york city and i'm three days from you.

Will has to laugh when his mom hands him the mail stack, an envelope with his name on it sat on top. Did Derek seriously send him a letter for the two weeks that he was back in Maine? Well, yeah, clearly – that much is evidenced by the fucking letter in his hand.

In fairness, the gesture does have Derek written all over it.

He carefully rips open the letter, thankfully not wax-sealed like some of the love letters that Will had watched Nursey send in his earlier years at Samwell, and the contents spill out.

Will pick up the letter first and begins to read it.

Dear Will,

It’s hard to believe that it’s only been nine months since I found you again at that gig on the Bowery; it feels like we’ve been exploring New York together for years. But springtime is coming soon again and I’m hoping that I’ll never have to find you again, but instead that you’ll always be in easy reach by my side. You know how you said one night that to you New York is me? Well, in the past nine months, New York has instead become You and Me. I feel like you’re pulling back the curtain and I’m seeing the city I’ve lived in for my whole life in a completely different light. Everything is suddenly so much brighter and more beautiful with you around. I hope that this new light continues with the dawn of this new spring, a third new beginning for us perhaps, but just to make sure, would you do me the honour of moving in with me? I mean, if nothing else, it saves you (and, rather selfishly, me) the commute the Lincoln Park every other night.

I know it’s only been a week, but I miss you so much.

I love you.

Derek.

The other item sitting on the kitchen table in front of Will is a keyring with two keys and a picture of the one of the windows from the current Bowery Mural. The keys are engraved with the numbers #24 and #28 and Will can’t quite hold back the mistiness that begins to gather in his eyes.

Of course, after everything, Derek brings it back to hockey, back to Samwell, back to that period of time when they were inseparable, but constantly at odds with each other, so similar, but so different.

Will carefully threads his old keys onto the new keyring. A third and final new beginning sounds perfect to him.

because everyone's your friend in new york city and everything looks beautiful when you're young and pretty the streets are paved with diamonds and there's just so much to see but the best thing about new york city is you and me

[christinesficrecs]

Hi!! Do you have any fic recs where derek is completely head over heels for stiles from the very beginning?? Like completely in love and smitten ♡ it can be AUs or teen wolf universe ♡

Well, I might know a few. ❤️

Derek's Epic Love Story by arrowofcarnations | 11.5K | Explicit

Derek Hale is good at getting what he wants. Unfortunately, what he wants now is Stiles Stilinski, who doesn't exactly seem to be in the mood for his shit.

Scrubbing Bubbles by MargaretKire | 46K | Explicit

Stiles thought it would be easy doing janitorial work for an office. At first, it really was. The job only took a few hours in the evenings and it helped pay for rent and college. Sure, Hale Industries took up an entire floor in one of the downtown financial buildings, but the place was new and easy to care for. He didn’t even have to spend much time cleaning the huge corner office, because the trash was nearly always empty and the office itself was spotless, like no one used it.

It was basically the perfect college job. At least, until the boss started staying late.

Sidequest by bleep0bleep | 11.4K

Agent Derek Hale has been working up the courage to ask his partner Stiles out on a date (finally!) when he heads out on a solo mission—without Derek. Eager to provide support, Derek arrives in Beacon Hills, only there is no mission, and Stiles' dad thinks Derek is Stiles' boyfriend. Well. It could be worse.

If being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as hell. by DropsOfAddiction | 14.3K | Explicit

Derek tries and fails to shut his gaping mouth as Stiles arrives at his desk, heartbeat rabbiting a little faster than usual.

Stiles grabs a file out of his desk, muttering something about forgetting to mail it yesterday and needing to get it down to filing by Monday. Derek’s barely paying attention, unable to concentrate with the scent of him right under his nose.

He leans over Derek to grab an empty envelope from their shared stationary tray and Derek knows he’s absolutely fucked when he sees how his trousers are moulded to his perfect ass.

“So.... how do I look?” Stiles asks casually as he stands back up, as if his very presence hasn’t just given Derek a very sudden and uncomfortable boner.

He looks like he should be on the cover of GQ.

You’d Be So Good To Come Home To by SylvieW | 5K

In Stiles’ final year of college, Derek decides to rebuild the Hale house. He keeps asking for Stiles’ opinion on the house plans. Stiles doesn't realize that Derek is building the house with a mate in mind.

Put Out the Fire (but not the one in my heart) by omelet | 2.8K

Derek thinks this is getting a little out of hand. Because honestly, he never would have guessed that he would one day come to own a firemen-themed calendar.

I Intend to be Independently Blue by Loz | 21.7K | Mature

Stiles is the worst thing that could have happened to Derek. He hasn't been wolfing out at inopportune moments since his teens, but only because he has a system in place. And this is where Stiles comes into play. Because he's been messing with this system, and doesn't even know. Also, there's a wendigo.

sing me a song, piano man by bleep0bleep | 2.2K

Derek’s worked at McCall’s for three years, just about as long Stiles has been the pianist, and not once has Stiles ever sung a song about him.

Queer Your Coffee by alisvolatpropiis | 3K

Derek's just over the city line when he sees a sign for an independent drive-thru place, Full Spectrum Brew. There are three cars in line when he turns in, which annoys him but gives him hope. Not that he really trusts the people of Beacon Hills to have much taste when it comes to coffee (god, he is a snob), but the shop’s popularity does seem to bode well. The line of cars moves way more slowly than he’d like, each customer in front of him seeming to take way too long to order, and then lingering when they get their coffee. He’s irritable from lack of sleep and an even more detrimental lack of caffeine, anxious to get out of the car. Finally it’s his turn and he slowly rolls up to the window, turning the radio down.

For a second, he thinks he must have fallen asleep while he was waiting, because what he sees when he looks in the window surely must be a dream.

Stunning brown eyes like glowing honey and sweet little nose, slightly upturned; a shapely pink mouth, bottom-lip pierced by a thin black hoop that he's worrying with the tip of his tongue as he smiles a gorgeous hello.

He's the most beautiful man Derek's ever seen.

And he’s shirtless.

Mating Habits of the Domesticated North American Werewolf by lielabell | 35.4K | Mature

Derek doesn’t do pining. He doesn’t. So when it becomes clear that Stiles is much more interested in having Derek as a new best friend than a boyfriend, he puts on his big boy pants and makes it fucking work. He becomes the best goddamn friend a spastic teenager could ever hope to have.

The Love You Save (May Be Your Own) by Nokomis 17.5K

Everyone falls magically in love with Stiles. Well, except for Derek, who is suspiciously immune.

Wet T-Shirts For Charity by LadyDrace | 2.4K

Derek takes his car to a charity car wash. He didn't realize the wash came with a side of sexual frustration and pining.

How Derek Got His Groove Back by WhoNatural | 4.3K | Explicit

Cora kicks him under the table. “Do you have the hots for the baby lawyer?” she hisses urgently, and Derek blinks at her, feeling his face heat.

“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s young enough to be my--”

“Younger brother,” she cuts in, and shakes her head. “Age difference excuses do not fly with me. Are you gonna ask him out? Derek, you need to do something about that.”

“About what?” he says, frowning, watching as Stiles sits down at a table with a group of older, lawyer-types.

“The fact that you’re both about one drink away from sex in some janitor’s closet.”

[xspeter]

okay i see how much you love miss music industry herself and i was wondering if you would be open to doing a finnick x reader story like based off the betty augustine james love triangle (but like in an au where he never was reaped for the games bc when do you see that) where reader is like augustine and basically finnick has he just as a summer fling but goes back to betty and she's just kind of there watching them from afar being in love while she loves him but was only ever a heat of the moment thing but she really loves him, and then she just kind grows to hate him because he used her and her love, it would be cool if it ended on a kind of angry my tears ricochet kind of note maybe she gets reaped and he like comes back and is worried for her like he actually cares and shes all like "why tf did you come here, you dont care about me you don't love me you just feel fucking guilty bc i could die" i just love the idea of a female rage kind of ending where the sadness and love turns sour bc we never see that, its usually like the reader wallowing and losing themselves over an man and always kind of gets away without any real guilt or remorse, BASICALLY i just want him to feel all the pain and guilt for his actions and kind of just left floundering like that. idk of thats something that peaks your interests but i'd love to read it if you do( this is literally my dream fic to read)!!

𝐁𝐘𝐄 𝐁𝐘𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤, 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬.

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ఌ

sometimes, you feel like a horrible person.

annie cresta and finnick odair were practically royalty. they were perfect for each other, and you were just… there.

until finnick and annie suddenly split, and annie went to visit her grandparents for the summer in the southern part of district four.

then, life seemed to be looking a lot better. finnick came to you for comfort. he knocked on your window in the middle of the night. he wanted you.

he helped you forget about your older brother, who had died in a fishing accident the year prior, and you helped him forget about annie. it was a win-win situation.

the beginning of june had started off awkward, because his wound was still fresh. almost everytime you saw him his eyes were glassy, but eventually, when you saw him he was smiling.

he was smiling at you.

by the end of june you had both admitted your mutual feelings for each other, and had started meeting secretly under bridges, behind buildings, anywhere you could really.

your parents and friends found it odd how much you blew them off, but you had shrugged it off, using the excuse ‘i’m just really busy at work!’

by july you and finnick had already kissed, and you had given him something important to you, your body.

he was the first to ever see it, and you were praying, that he would be the last.

the end of august was when things started to go downhill.

annie cresta had arrived back home on the seventeenth, and as soon as she did, you could feel finnick pulling away from you.

he denied it of course, saying things like, “you’re the only one for me.” or “you know i only love you.”

did you know though?

because now, mid September, you watch them enter a cafe together, holding hands.

finnick never held hands with you in public.

you watch as he kisses her sweetly, paying for whatever it was she ordered with no hesitation.

finnick had ended things with you barely a week ago, and now he’s already back with her? did this summer just mean nothing to him?

you feel the familiar build up of tears and immediately walk away from the shop.

besides, you have other things to worry about. tomorrow, one boy and one girl would be reaped for the 73rd annual hunger games.

you had survived for four years now, but you know you can never be too lucky.

when you heard your name announced, you swear your heart stopped.

“y/n l/n!” selodona, your districts announcer, reads your name from her tiny slip of paper.

with shaky legs you walk to the stage, trying to ignore the eyes on you. trying to ignore his eyes on you.

you don’t need his pity. not after he lied to you for months. not after he tore you apart.

you barely even register the male tribute, until you’re both forced to shake hands. when you do look at him, you recognize him as martin fraser, a boy you often fish with.

he manages a small smile and you attempt to do the same.

“please, a round of applause for this years tributes!”

silence.

instead, numerous people kiss the tips of their fingers, and holds them high in the air. selodona, clearly unsure of what to do, ushers the both of you into the court house.

she shows you both your private rooms where you’ll be given fifteen minutes to say goodbye to whoever you would like.

the first to visit is your mother, father, and younger brother, jaxon.

your mother tells you to stay vigilant, your father tells you to utilize your strength in the water, and your brother pleads with you to stay alive.

after they leave, your friend, masriska visits. she’s crying and by the time she leaves so are you.

you don’t expect the doors to open again after she leaves, so when they do, your heart immediately drops.

you don’t even have to turn around to know who’s entered the room.

“y/n-” finnick starts, but you cut him off.

“dont even say anything.” you snarl, wrapping your arms around your chest and turing around to look at him.

his eyes are glassy and he’s shaking, but you don’t care.

he doesn’t get the right to care about you anymore.

“y/n, please,”

“why are you here finnick?” you question, “because the last time we talked, you told me that you had never meant for our relationship to move past just a summer fling. that you had always planned to go back- go back to her!” you shout.

finnick tenses and sniffles, he stuffs his hands in his pockets and glances to the side. “i’m sorry, y/n. i… i really am. and now this is happeing to you and i just-”

“you just what? literally, what?”

finnick stutters, but before he can get out the words peacekeepers are ushering him out of the room.

selodona enters when they leave, pulling you with her to bring you to the train.

and some, sick, twisted, part of you hopes you die in that arena, just so finnick has to live with himself.

has to live, with what he did to you.

bye i hate this. throwing up crying screaming at the sky

[wonusite]

ok ok so i was thinkin,,,, rockstar reader and soccer player!hoshi. like the two of u met at a party celebrating ur bands album release, they get drunk nd fuck, exhange numbers and become each others sneaky link, but then they start to spend more time with each other doing things other than fucking, but they have commitment issues so they break it off, but they see each other again at a party nd have rlly hot make up sex and then BAM theyre dating now and live happily ever after.

whoever sent this in pls come back and discuss further i beg :)

You’re not bored, not exactly.

All the glamour and excitement of these exclusive parties had worn off a long time ago, which is why you were disinterested in all the surrounding festivities. It’s not until you’re introduced to star soccer player, Kwon Soonyoung, that you seem to find yourself in the party mood.

The drinks are flowing and the music is pounding, but all that seems dull compared to the man in front of you. Soonyoung is charming, but he’s also goofy and a bit clumsy. Also, he seems to be the average guy who happens to be one of the best soccer players in the industry. You can’t place him on a scale that would determine how much of your type he is. Part of you thinks he’s already broken that scale.

Either way, you don’t regret the events that lead you into the empty stall at the far end of the bathroom with Soonyoung’s tongue shoved inside you.

“Fuck, baby.” He moans as quietly as he can. “This is the sweetest cunt I’ve ever tasted.”

His tongue expertly splits through your folds until he finds your throbbing clit again. Soonyoung gently massages it, loving how your mouth is dropped open in a silent moan. You have his hair in a vice grip, but that doesn’t deter his blissful movements in the slightest. To have such a hot athlete on his knees for you, eating you out like a starved man is a sight you’ll never forget.

Soonyoung smirks into your dripping cunt as you slap both of your hands over your mouth to stifle the moans your orgasm causes.

At this point, your muddled mind doesn’t care that people are coming in and out of the bathroom. You need Soonyoung to fuck you, and you need it now. Luckily, he’s more than happy to oblige, quickly pulling his pants down enough to let his leaking cock spring free. You lick your lips before you push him closer and guide him inside you.

His fat cock fucks into you at a slow and steady pace, and you feel like your soul has lifted out of your body. He’s hitting your sweet spot with every thrust, and the muffled moans and whimpers he’s letting out are just driving you crazy.

In the back of your mind, you think exchanging numbers isn’t the best idea. Usually, any doubt you have dissipate when he’s fucking into you and stuffing you full of his hot cum. This is a vicious cycle that continues until you both realize that you can’t share but are unwilling to actually commit to one another. It’s toxic, and finally you decide to end it by changing your number.

Admittedly, going on a world tour does little to distract you from Soonyoung. He’s world famous, and a lot of your own fans seem to love him. It’s maddening and heart wrenching, but you know that you can’t be with him. Not when neither of you are willing to give up the freedom of being single.

Somewhere along the line, you think you’re a fool for not wanting to give up the single life. The sex you occasionally had with other people didn’t compare to what you had with Soonyoung, and any potential emotional connection always fizzled out within a week or less. Maybe it was pathetic to be so in your feelings since it seemed like the star soccer player was traveling all over the world with beautiful women.

You’re not the insecure type, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

Partying and getting wild at parties used to be really on brand for you (and for every rockstar, really), but you had grown out of it a bit since Soonyoung. That all goes down the drain when you see that he’s also been invited to Jeonghan’s birthday party. It had gone over your head that your former sneaky link is also friends with the famous actor.

You’re having the time of your life, dancing and drinking with some upcoming model whose name you forget. It doesn’t matter. He’s pretty, and he makes you forget that Soonyoung is within the same vicinity as you for the first time in months.

Everything is good and well until you find yourself being pulled into one of Jeonghan’s many spare rooms. You don’t have time to panic because even in your intoxicated state you can easily recognize Soonyoung in the darkness. He’s staring at you with a pout, eyes shining with pure affection.

“I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much that I feel sick.”

You kiss him, unable to resist him. It’s probably a bad idea to let him fuck you until all you can do is moan his name. But his cock feels too good. It drags against your wet walls and hits a spot that has you seeing stars. You’ve came on his cock twice and coated it with your cream—evidence of how much you missed him.

The euphoric high wears off slowly, and all too suddenly you feel like a wounded animal who’s been cornered. As if reading your thoughts, Soonyoung pulls you against him and nuzzles his face into your neck.

“I’m not letting you go. Not now, not ever.”

[clarajohnson]

the magicians s1e11

threesome episode aka best episode of television of all time

so we've got the virgo blade and the leo. whole knifey zodiac do we think?

okay this is where i start to see the margo i love dearly. she and eliot are unbelievably reasonable and pragmatic about the deal-striking (also alice. malice 4ever.) and it doesn't read as a lack of emotion to me. particularly for margo it feels like she sees it as a weighing of consequences and she knows it's going to be worse if they don't do this. she's smart and cares about the greater good!

i always forget how gross this show can be until they do something like the classroom death scene.

"i'm just a little shaky, i don't like dying" / "i am fabulous, aren't i?" these women are so the entire world to me.

"i agree with quentin." "that's because he blows you!"

all free trader beowulf scenes make me nervous because i know what's going to happen and it makes me desperately sad

i don't object to the read that julia is "god-touched" but i wouldn't ever accept that as an "explanation" of things i think are part of her inherent character. like, she's smart and talented and hard-working and resilient because she's julia, not because she's god-touched. yes?

"i'm in too. i heard the word illegal."

ah horribly brutal episode poor penny's mentor

"magic missile? that's like straight up dungeons and dragons" me every time i use magic missile playing straight up dungeons and dragons

okay but what do we think q plays in dnd

"what if we got guns?" and q's "no, fillory is a pristine non-industrialized society" prime directive blah blah blah bullshit is so crazy to me. margo is so very, very right. she is SO RIGHT to care about their lives-- even if they wouldn't win that way-- over q's concern for a world that, frankly, he doesn't know is really real, just loves because fillory was his childhood.

there is something deeply funny about the picture they make in julia's doorway-- q and alice and el and margo standing there like a school field trip, which is exactly what you know kady thinks they look like.

i do feel bad for penny! but he picks some shit music to dissociate to!

"giving a shit about somebody you give a shit about doesn't evaporate the second they fuck up."

emotion bottles my beloved

i like that emotions are hot pink. they would be, i think.

i like your sweater. i saw no reason not to share.

unfortunately there is no way in hell that an unfeeling q (and therefore, i have to think, a not-socially-anxious q) would use the phrase "fuck some shit up"

jesus christ in heaven the first few seconds with the emotions back are going to get to me in a major majorrrrrr way. el being perfectly capable of repressing his emotions immediately. (well. sort of.) alice's first impulse being to emphasize that she loves quentin, loves him so much, and q wouldn't have said it back but he can't help saying it back and also telling her that he's all alone. margo asking, in the saddest little baby voice in the world, why aren't we friends anymore, el? everyone here should go to therapy.

poor miraculous julia i love you so much i'm so sorry about everything that's about to happen. very interested in olu calling her her "beautiful daughter." i don't think that's an everyone term and i do think it's fitting that jules gets it.

alice giggling and high-fiving penny and hugging him... best girl in history.

also it's kind of nuts that you can't use your emotions in battle magic. like, that's the implication. and it seems like the inverse to what i would have expected.

they walk through margo's bedroom door and i am seated popcorn and an icee

there's this thing about you, q. you actually believe in magic. we all know it's real but you believe in it.

do we actually believe that margo's never loved something like that? i'm not really inclined to say that. honestly. just don't buy it.

eliot waugh man with the longest arms in the world

yes i do consider the threesome a kind of church service and yes i think it is deeply deeply awful, the consequences of that act for alice. how selfish and unthinking q was in that moment, even tho he is my beautiful baby son, it just kills me thinking about his willingness to do something like that despite the impact on alice.

YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HOW QUENTIN WAS THE ONE WHO KISSED ELIOT

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 13 – MISSION FIC

SERIES: Armed and Dangerous by AlchemyAlice

Pairing: Steve/Bucky/Tony, Pepper/Coulson Rating: M Words: 82,944 Tags: Action/Adventure, Polyamory Negotiations, BAMF Pepper

Summary: Bucky wakes up. Tony takes a liking to him. Steve frowns a lot. Also, there is some Avenging going on. And tech porn.

Reasons why I love it: The Avengers are utterly unhinged, but what else is new. I love how Tony and Bucky are the ones who click instantly, and it's Steve who takes a while to come around. Also, Pepper and Coulson's entire subplot is so much fun! I love them. Definitely go and check this one out!

This series consists of:

Impulse

Pairing: Bucky/Tony Rating: T Words: 3,629 Tags: Canon Divergence, Bucky's Metal Arm, First Kiss

Summary: Bucky is found by SHIELD. Tony wants a project. They meet somewhere in the middle.

Reasons why I love it: Talk about love at first sight. Tony and Bucky's chemistry is off the charts, and I love the first hints of Bucky meddling in Tony and Steve's relationship too. The scene with the holographic hand is one that regularly pops into my head and makes me want to reread this entire series. I love this fic, and all the ones that follow!

Reflexes

Pairing: Steve/Bucky/Tony Rating: M Words: 41,299 Tags: Polamory Negotiations, Action, Threesomes

Summary: Bucky meets the team and manages to survive the experience, Tony is his usual dysfunctional self, and Steve pouts with deadly force.

Reasons why I love it: I love the slow burn in this, Tony and Steve gradually warming up to each other while Bucky is his usual scheming self. The humor is top notch, and the action is so fucking good it almost feels like you're watching a movie. Plus, the way they get together in the end is fantastic, top marks, couldn't have wished for anything better. I love this one so much!

The Art of Order

Pairing: Pepper/Coulson, Steve/Bucky/Tony Rating: G Words: 18,762 Tags: Competency, Corporate Espionage, Drinking

Summary: The alternate title to this story is, ‘How Pepper Got Her Groove Back (Not That She Ever Lost It To Begin With): A Story in Cocktails’: In which Pepper rules Stark Industries with an iron fist in between drink breaks, there is way higher than Level Seven clearance at SHIELD but Phil trusts her with a lot more than that, and the Avengers really have no idea how much work has to be done to keep them afloat when it doesn't directly involve explosions.

Reasons why I love it: Pepper is a boss ass queen, and don't you ever forget it. I really enjoyed getting a look inside her mind here, how she processes not only everything to do with Tony, the Avengers and her professional duties, but also her budding relationship with Coulson. Those two could probably run the world together with the lift of a single finger. Amuly really nailed Pepper's characterization to the point where it feels like she was plucked straight out of canon. This fic is absolutely wonderful and a great companion piece to the first two in this series.

Clint Barton and the Adventures of This, That, and the Whatsit

Pairing: Gen Rating: T Words: 3,125 Tags: Humor, Robot Friends, Fluff

Summary: Clint is totally the John Connor of New York. Until he isn’t.

Reasons why I love it: Clint endearing himself to an army of cleaner bots is the cutest thing ever. Said bots turning into a Clint Barton Defense Squad is even more adorable. I love everything about this fic, and I bet you will too!

Ian White and the Rolodex of Doom

Pairing: OMC/FC Rating: T Words: 16,129 Tags: Office Life, Pepper's PA, Humor

Summary: For the record, Ian does not go to his interview at Stark Industries with any hope of getting the job whatsoever.

Reasons why I love it: Ian is such a fun OC, I'm so happy we get to see more of him here. He's such a sweetheart, and everyone else recognizing that and taking him under their wing is adorable. Plus, his whole thing with Nancy is super cute. In short, Ian must be protected at all costs, and I love this entire series more than I can say. Please go and check it out if you haven't, because it's incredible!

[lluxoperon]

You don’t realize how much you depend on balance until you don’t have it

Ok here goes, this is a long one and a bit personal. I’m hoping that’s by sharing this, it may help someone experiencing something similar. Full disclosure here - I’m not going to even attempt to pretend to apologize for any language, because sometimes nothing better fits or gets the message across as poignant or elegant as a well placed sentence enhancer.

Simply put, chronic and/or long term health things suck ass. Serious donkey balls sucks. Serious. Like… Fuck. That. Shit. Sucks. Especially when you spend a months (or longer) not knowing what the actual fuck is going on with yourself or a loved one. It also sucks much less when you have people in your life that genuinely give a few of their own precious fucks in their life to you to help you get through it all, when your fucks to give are coming up short to a complete lack thereof.

I’ve been down a really shitty road of a long term thing once before when it took an agonizingly long 6+ years to diagnose my cluster headaches at a time they weren't really understood by anyone in the medical industry, let alone common people. The amount of “just fucking relax, it’s only anxiety” I heard that time from literally EVERYONE (including my past SO's) around me at the time was outright maddening. “Yea I fucking have anxiety because all you fuckers either don’t care, think I’m faking this shit, or you can’t figure this shit out because you suck or never heard of this”. The lack of a good support system is not helpful as best, damaging at worst. And if I am being honest, I kind of expected that again from my past experiences. However, this time around, it's been night and day compared to before. I’m not being made to feel crazy, and it's quite a breath of fresh air. My wife, Niki, has been all kinds of helpful and supportive. I write all this as much for her as myself, she's been deep in it with me right from the start.

So to the present... Some of you online have noticed I haven't been posting a lot of my photography for quite some time. Some of you that have seen me in person recently may have noticed I’m using a cane lately, and/or noticed I haven’t been my usual jet-setting self as much I usually am. International travel stopped completely after Nürnberg in Feb 2023. Some people asked about it, some have been polite and just nodded and not asked. Some have ignored it altogether, as I know some aren’t comfortable talking about personal stuff, either their own or other people's. I appreciate however you feel about it, but full open kimono, I’m not embarrassed about it, nor do I mind talking about it, it just is what it is. It's a crazy story, and I often forget details when I am rambling (why I'm writing this in the first place). I guess talking about it also is in my best interest if anyone else has even heard of someone dealing with this. Trying to figure out what it is has been an ordeal, mostly because it's so uncommon, but I’m not giving the fuck up. My brain won’t let me stop trying to figure it out, but some of this all is still in flux.

After getting back from Nürnberg, I started having a weird ear thing, where I was noticing a weird warble effect in my right ear, basically like an echo or reverb. I have gotten this actually quite often over the years, as I had bad ear infections when I was a kid, and it’s also something that just happens with my cluster headaches, or allergies. No big thing, whatever. However, one day after doing some work on our backyard, breaking up concrete, I put my finger in my ear to get some concrete dust out, and I fell backwards onto the kitchen counter. Whoa. Vertigo. What was that?!? Ok... that’s weird. I go to take a shower and as I get to clean out my ear and my eyes start shifting uncontrollably left and right. Wait, what?!? No fucking way. What?!? Ugh. That doesn’t feel great, it also makes my head spin. Ok yea, don’t do THAT anymore. "Niki come look!" Yea, weird... Ok. Put that out of my head. Let’s see if it goes away. It does a bit, but my head is still all wobbly for days and weeks, but maybe I'm just super tired. I mean we were going all out on working outside in our backyard to get 'er done before summer hits in typical Vegas fashion. I get a referral from my GP for an ENT. I find one local to Vegas, they do not return my calls. Typical for here, so yea... A couple months go by...

I fly to LA in April for some tattoo work, all is ok. Over the next week, I have industry conventions to go to on the Strip, all is ok. I'm starting to wear my mask a little less around people, no big thing. All good, tired, but good. A few people come over, I play some Beat Saber with them, I get a little nauseous and dizzy playing, but I figure I'm a bit over exhausted from being on the Strip all week, work, travel to LA, meetings back to back, and house work. The finger in the eye still produces the weird eye thing (it's called nystagmus I find). Still no big deal, right? The fates are laughing in your general direction... Enter one of the largest wind storms we've seen to date in Vegas. My allergies now are through the roof. I get yearly hay fever, so not surprised at all. I start up the Allegra I take each year for my allergies. We go out drinking with friends on the Strip, we all eat too much, drink too much. Back home, in middle of the night, I get up to pee, and as normal, I don't turn on the light in our WC. I'm not barely even drunk any more at this point. I turn around to go back to bed and next thing I know I am splat out on the floor, I don't even know how I fell, or even remember falling. Somehow I ripped off the TP holder on the way down, I'm confused and tired. Niki helps me get back to bed. I'm REALLY confused at this point, and a bit more dizzy than I have been in weeks.

Two days later, I fly back out to LA for a demo for people from the EU, I'm listening to an audio book, and as the plane starts going descending to land in Burbank, I am struck with the most INSANE vertigo, my eyes rolling back into my skull, I feel like the plane is crashing, this is how I die type vertigo. My eyes can't be controlled be damned holy shit I can barely stand once the plane lands I want to crawl to my rental car. Nope, I'm done. I am NOT going to my demo, it's not going to happen, I need to get back home ASAP. I call Niki, I need urgent care, this is not good. I'm dying. WTF is going on?! Holy shit! I'm NOT going back on a plane, fuck THAT shit, I'm driving right now back home to Vegas. I drive. The entire time, I'm either focused on an audio book or Niki over the phone. I can't look over my shoulders. I probably should NOT be driving. I don't fucking care, I need to get home. NOW. I have no way to get home. Fuck THIS. GO. I drive like a banshee. It's the worst drive to Vegas from Burbank, EVER. When I start the trek into Primm down the mountain, the vertigo gets even worse, like when the plane was descending. OMFG it's the goddamn air pressure! Holy jeez. Nope this is not fun. At all. I make it home, somehow.

We get to urgent care later that day:

UC Doc - "Huh that's weird, yea. Yea, you have uh some redness in your ear. Looks like an old infection."

Me - "Uhhhhhhhhhhhh, I still am having the vertigo like a fucking madman, it's been all day now, and my eyes are doing this stupid nystagmus. This isn't BPPV (Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo - ear crystals), or Labyrinthitis, I have had those before. It's doesn't feel the same. And obviously the air pressure change is making it worse. "

UC Doc - "Oh, Ok you know your terms, good. Been down that road before I see. Maybe it's Meniere's, but that usually has hearing loss and not the nystagmus. Here's some steroids and antibiotics."

Yea, I obviously need to get into see that ENT like right now. I call and leave messages. I'm still having the vertigo. I email. Nothing. Days go by, did I mention, the vertigo has NOT stopped. FINALLY get ahold them. Appointment in 1.5 months. I did say the vertigo hasn't stopped, right? JUNE?!? Uh... ok. well... shit. Hello vertigo, my new bestie. You're an asshole, bestie. On top of this, now I start realizing my balance is crap, I close my eyes, I just fall and can't feel it. Wow, ok, that is something new to fucking panic about. Lovely. Thank the fates and our good taste that we have a really comfy couch to park my ass for most of the day. We're still trying to get some things done outside, but I'm feeling like washed shit and can't help much while I wait. Vertigo is the new baseline of my days.

Finally see the ENT in June. By this point I am having vertigo on and off all day long. New constant is always fucking dizzy as fuck. Like you drank too much on a boat and got back to shore and your feet can't find the horizon, it's my new Jack Sparrow Sway. Do a bunch of tests. No hearing loss. Air pressure still fucks my shit up, they can't even finish that test. Finger in the ear still making my eyes have the nystagmus. My ear looks fine. We all assume it's just my right ear. Nothing significant to report, but probably, maybe, definitely not Meniere's. Maybe. Maybe it's a fistula (tiny hole). Time for a CT Scan, only way to see that. Maybe they can put in a drainage tube to help with the air pressure, but we'll see. He also gives me a nose spray (Flonase) for my allergies, maybe it'll help.

It's not a fistula. This is "weird", ok this is clearly past this ENT's wheelhouse. Let's get you to our other Neurotologist/ENT 2 in July. This is going nowhere quickly. Groan. I stop taking the Allegra for the Flonase spray. Helps the allergies way better, but does nothing else. Now I'm starting to get fatigue every day. Can't go an entire day without a nap. This shit is draining me, for real. I'm not keen to fly to LA for work meetings, I cancel flights. Besides the fear of air pressure changes triggering me, I'm just so damned tired. All the time.

End of June, my legs start to twitch uncontrollably at night and fucking hurt. WTAF. Dude, seriously?!? Now my legs are twitchy and my balance is still shit. Let's just say I am not loving life right now. I am in super pain all up and down my legs, it's agony. I get a couple what I assume are 3 bug bites on the back of my left knee, and 4 on my thigh, they are PAINFUL, and are not healing. I'm about to loose my mind. After a week or so of this, we go back to urgent care.

"Oh this is an easy one, it's Shingles." Wait, WHAT?!??! I'm way too young for that. "Well, looks like you are past the point any antiviral will do anything, so here is some antibiotic cream for the sores. Have a nice day." This just keeps getting better and better. Also, still dizzy all the time. Vertigo daily, STILL. Leaning on Niki hard while we are out, because any time it's dark and/or inclines in any direction, or I close my eyes, I still can't feel myself falling. Like at all, it's fucking scary. Shingles is no joke, but shingles AND all this vertigo, dizzy, and crap balance. I'm not in a good mood, ever, at this point. Understandably.

Back to the ENT 2, whom specializes in balance disorders and neuro related ear things. "Yea that finger in the ear thing is super interesting, never seen that before. Weird. Let's get a massive barrage of blood work to check everything from vitamins to lyme disease to neurosyphilis and a brain MRI. Also let's get a VNG (Videonystagmography) test to see where your balance is at. See you back in a month. Super weird, wild man, this is crazy." Cool man, glad you are entertained. I'm half amused, half annoyed.

Get all the bloodwork and MRI, now we wait. Waiting is always the worst part. You know, there are DAYS and weeks were the base line doesn't change. So while you wait, you are IN it and waiting.

At the VNG test, negative for BPPV (knew that already, since day one), my eyes work fine with tracking. Great. My hearing is fine, so it's not Meniere's. It's not Labyrinthitis (figured that as well). Moving to the next test, my eyes are not moving when my ears are stimulated by hot or cold air. Like at all, ZERO reaction. In BOTH ears and eyes. I ask 'What's supposed to happen when you do that? No reaction? Not get nauseous?" She replies, "Actually... the opposite, you are SUPPOSED to have a reaction." Oh... "Total caloric eye speed of 6, and 24 is the target for normal. Your vestibular system is not working, in EITHER ear. This generally means Bilateral Vestibular Hypofunction (BVH), and you should do PT, specifically VRT (Vestibular Rehabilitation Therapy)."

We go back to ENT 2, bloodwork all fine, except positive for Mono. Huh? "Is this from the shingles?" "No, anyone who has had Mono can have a positive result for the rest of their lives." Uh... actually, no I know that isn't true, but we'll skip over this for now and not worth the argument, maybe it's just a false positive. Too many other things to think about. MRI came back with some white matter lesions, but he says common with migraine. But I don't get migraines. "Oh, well it's probably Vestibular Migraine which is causing the vertigo, which doesn't always come with headaches per se." Coincidentally, not a single cluster headache since all this started. "So, let's start you on some Nortriptyline, and see if that works. Also, yes, start the VRT asap."

I start the new med and the VRT. When I go the the eval for the VRT, they do some more tests. My overall balance is at 50% overall of what is usual for my age. How???? Why??? They confirm when my eyes are closed, my balance is takes a nose dive of the shallow end. It's nil, nada, zip, zero, zilch, completely non-existent. This is not cool. Not fun or cool, at all. "Ok, so what do I do or take to get it back?" Not so fast, it's going to take time. And all this stupid VRT twice a week, doing exercises every day, morning and night at minimum. Well fuck.

Ok FINE. 1 month of VRT. I start using a cane, while out and about, so I don't have to lean directly on Niki.

2 months. Wobble is the new norm. Fuck you new norm. Fuck you very fucking much. Oh hey! I can now feel myself falling, well happy fucking birthday to me. There is THAT.

3 months, October. The vertigo has subsided quite a bit, now maybe getting it once a week. Maybe it's the medication, more likely it's the VRT. Most likely my brain was just "short-circuiting" from the loss of my balance. Ok, now... WHY. I need to know what happened, this still sucks, I'm still wobbly, I can't walk without a cane in the dark. Still dizzy all the time, but getting better. My balance has gone up to 72% of what it should be, but still completely zero eyes closed (or dark). I NEED TO KNOW, because how else will I "fix" this, right?

I'm getting antsy. I start getting out of my comfort zone and go to Lowe's without Niki just to see, obviously with the cane. I'm not having the vertigo. I want to go to my October meetings in LA. Dear lord, the airplane... I don't have enough energy to drive. Niki finds these ear plugs on Amazon for regulating air pressure (EarPlanes). Ok, let's try a quick single day trip. It goes surprising well. I have vertigo a couple times, albeit super quick episodes while on the trip. The EarPlanes work fucking amazingly, some positive news, finally. Maybe I can actually manage this. Everyone looks at the cane, most are confused. Everyone I chat with while in LA are supportive when I tell them what's going on. Best comment was: "maybe you should just say you laid down a motorcycle on a highway to save a pregnant lady and jacked your leg up". I love my people and our shared sense of dark humor.

November, I consult with my GP. Should I see a Neurologist? It couldn't/wouldn't hurt. Ok, appointment set for end of December (four days before Christmas), and my VRT "ends" in early Dec (fuck you very much medical insurance). I'll continue to do the exercises at home for now I guess. If I'm going to need the cane for a while, I might as well get one I like, so I do.

We go to the Neurologist. It's a very weird visit. He's is asking me questions, taking his time responding. Very nice guy, obviously thinks before speaking. Going over all my results I sent over. Very thoughtful.

Neurologist - "Take out your phone, open the camera."

Me - "Ok."

Neurologist - "Here take a photo so you can refer to it later, this spot right here on your MRI."

Me - "Yea, got it."

Neurologist - "Your ENT missed this, he saw possible migraine on the list of possible things and left it at that. These white matter lesions concern me."

Me - "Yes, we talked about that, I mentioned that about 15 mins ago when you asked me my other visits."

Neurologist - "Yea, ok. He missed this. I think you have MS."

Me - .......................

Neurologist - "Let's get you more bloodwork done, neck and spine MRIs... *cue Charlie Brown wah wahs* "

Me - ....

Neurologist - "... and a spinal tap."

Me - "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck."

Neurologist - "I know, sorry, they aren't fun. But let's do that and follow back up in Jan, and go from there."

Me - "Ok, wait you said MS?!?!? What then?"

Neurologist - "It can be dealt with, but it would account for all you said, plus all the weirdness with all the results so far."

As you can imagine, it was a quite anxious Christmas and New Years. More blood work, 10 vials taken in all at once for one, PTSD flashback to blood drawn when I was a kid when they found my iron deficiency. Brain electricity scans. MRA head and neck. MRI neck and spine. Already getting sick of getting poked and prodded. Then comes spinal tap time. 1 star, do not recommend. Hated it. "It'll just be a pinch..." Liars! Nope my body didn't like it one bit, it hurt like hell, all up my back and down both legs. Recovery was even worse, laid out on the couch with a proper migraine for a week straight. Like brain is going to leak out your ears migraine, light sensitive and all that. Nothing helped, not ice, not pain meds. Nada. Good times, indeed. Apparently, I've actually have actually never had a migraine before. Weird, huh?

Go back to Neurologist. "I'm not convinced it's MS." Well ok, thanks for that month and half panic attack and all the testing to go with it. "Maybe it's NMO." If it's not that, then he will refer me to another Neurologist for a second opinion just to make sure. Gotta love the go get 'em, figure it out attitude, but bro... send me for tests, but maybe don't tell me the worst case each time right up front. Go for even more bloodwork. "Btw, you have some syrinxes (cysts) in your cervical and thoracic spine. We're you dropped as an infant?" Huh? Uh, I don't think so? "Ok anyhow those won't do anything with this condition, but something to monitor yearly or so now."

I go out to Palms Springs for work. A whole 4 days planned. First night, I'm walking back to my room and it's pitch fucking black on the sidewalk, and I have to walk up a grassy area because of a puddle. I have to call Niki because I just cannot deal. I'm stressed. I can't walk. I have to use my phone's light to see so I can make my way back. I'm done. I just can't. This was the worst idea ever. Sigh. FUCK. I make it through 2 full days, going back to nap when I can, all the walking is too much. It's wearing me out, so much worse than I thought it would be. I just don' t have it in me to last the entire trip. I can't. I have to call it on day three, I'm disappointed in myself. I drive back home.

I have a follow up with the ENT 2. I want to stop taking the Nortriptyline as I'm not convinced it's Vestibular Migraine, and I really need a fucking drink at this point. You can't drink on Nortriptyline, and it's a bitch to get off of.

But moreover, I don't know if the vertigo being gone is from the medication or PT. I suspect the VRT PT. Besides since starting it, between my own searching and asking the physical therapist, I'm starting to suspect the BVH from a Neuritis (ongoing viral infection) in my inner ear. She tends to agree, they have been seeing that more and more, especially in younger people... Lingering viral infection, lines up with my symptoms, I had Covid late the year prior, and the "ear infection", and then the shingles. Too many coincidences to be coincidental. The timeline of events is WAY too close.

I speak with the ENT about this all. He still focuses on the nystagmus, which has since gone away, and deflects from the Neuritis, which is weird. Of all people whom specializes in inner ear infections and the such, and being the one that recommended the VNG. But such is the time we live in - it can't possibly be viral, that might mean we're not following up correctly with everything going on. The med is fine to stop, and if the vertigo comes back we know it was Vestibular Migraine. Come back when/if needed.

Spoiler alert - the vertigo doesn't come back full force, it's not Vestibular Migraine... Well least another thing ticked off. Lots of things ticked off, but not a lot to go on still. Fuck this, I'm starting to go back to my VRT. At least that was doing SOMETHING. My balance is still right around the same as it was in early Dec. So, still not great, but not worse. Yay, a small victory at least.

It's not NMO. At the neurologist, "Also, what about the fatigue? I'm super tired all the time. Like STUPID tired." This week I was back at the Strip for the yearly conventions, so doing the late dinners, drinks and all that as usual. "Maybe don't work so much." "Heh, right, but seriously, that's not possible." So he prescribes a MS fatigue medication, Amantadine. Cool, I don't have MS, but... ok, I'll just hold onto that for now, not starting that just yet. Referral received, and follow up for end of the year.

Enter Neurologist 2. This lady is great, spends around 2 hours with us. She's not convinced it's MS either. But the MRI is super low quality and she wants better images. Give her the entire story. Answers any ancillary questions we have. She mentions "You definitely have something going on in the sinus, ear, throat area, like maybe a Vestibular Neuritis, which damaged your balance." Hm, you don't say? "But let's get you more images, and you can come back."

Still doing my VRT, but I think now I've hit a plateau with my balance, so we're working on strengthening for tactical feedback so I can at least not fall, maybe eventually not use the cane.

VNG test number 2 as recommended by my PT, so we can see if anything has changed. Yep, definitely still BVH, and so far this is my ONLY actual 100% positive diagnosis. This year my total caloric eye speed has bumped up all the way to a whopping 9. Still shit, but upwards is a positive right? So how do you fix this? "You can't, if it's gone, it's gone. No getting it back, just learning to deal with it. But you should look up Neural Circuit Dizzyness." Yea, remember how I thought my brain was short circuiting from the loss of my vestibular working? Yea, cool. I get more dizzy when I am fatigued, so that tracks.

Cue two months later, back at the Neurologist 2. Definitely, probably NOT MS. "But let's monitor it yearly via MRIs for both your syrinxes and white matter lesions just in case, now that we know they are there. You should also find a new ENT." Know any GOOD ones in Vegas? "Yea... not so much. Maybe Mayo in AZ or UCLA in LA, but not many good or even decent ones in Vegas." Yea, I know that for sure, no one here specializes in BVH as ENTs. She gives me Meclizine to have on hand just in case I get more dizzy than normal for travel, and said the Amantadine might help, and try it out for a couple weeks.

Now - I'm at a point, I am sick of getting poked, prodded, jabbed, and all that. I'll follow up on follow ups and just for now focus on more VRT, bumping up the sessions per week, and see where we are at in a few months, maybe just finish out the year. I'm still fatigued all the damn time and debating starting the Amantadine. Balance is still crap when my eyes are closed, but now the vertigo only comes very rarely. Usually only when I'm beyond stupid tired, or overly exercised, and only for a few seconds at a time.

Still more to come, and a stupid, stupid long road ahead... to quote Monty Python: "I'm not dead yet!"

More background FYI - BVH affects only a very significantly small amount of people, I have read between .3-3% of the population. The higher number are ones who have this in addition to other related issues (such as BPPV or MS), and the smaller is having this without other conditions (related or not). The later, smaller percentage, appears to be my case - unrelated to anything else and its cause appears to be idiopathic (unknown or unknowable) for the time being.

For more info: https://vestibular.org/article/diagnosis-treatment/types-of-vestibular-disorders/bilateral-vestibular-hypofunction/

[bonnielassie23]

Is this a kdrama, or your life? An old friend asks for a favour. There's trouble ahead and a shit tone of awkwardness. Season one of your life has come to an end.

This is a y/n story with Jhope as the male lead. She's smart and sweet, but life can be cruel and downright fucked up.

If yall like it, let me know and I will post more parts.

Joy and Hope has 18 parts and on wattpad already, and it is part of a 3 event series.

This is the wattpad link if you want to read.

I'm very new on this app and not sure what I'm doing yet x

Disconnection.

"Thank you so much for helping me out, I can't get there for a few days, my visa was delayed , then not sent with the groups and now I cant get a flight to join them. You're a life saver, and I won't forget it. You're an angel, and I owe you big time!"

Nicole is your old college friend. She's called out of the blue with a favour.

You are flying to Sweden from Germany, where you have been working for a few months. Nicole works for a band in Korea, and the members are having some sort of vacation. A mix-up with visa dates, and you're now helping out until she can get there. You don't know the band, there's not much call for knowing them in Europe. Most people here have only heard of Psy, and that's because his song made it to the US.

Arriving in the hostel, you realise its been booked out for the guys and their camera crew and security and managers. Maybe they are the next big boy band! The security member meets you at reception, you fill out a few different pieces of paperwork, sign a confidentiality form, and are escorted to your room.

The manager waits while you put away your small luggage case, and he walks you to the common room. This is when you are introduced to the band. There's seven of them and maybe four other people in their entourage. It's a quick "hello, I'm Nicole's friend, I'm only here for a day or two, and then she will take over." Nicole has told them about you and a little of how you met. What she didn't tell you is that they are all very handsome and sweet.

Its not that you don't interact with them. They are kind of shy, so except to help with the usual directions and how to pay for shit they don't really speak too much. Well, some of them don't. One of them understands and speaks English well. The others not so much. The members greet you in Korean and sometimes English, its kind of cute when they throw out random English words. The management have gifted them this holiday for their hard work, its also a way for them to build deeper bonds and create memories. They are filming their time on this holiday and showing some of it to their fans. It seems strange that this private time would be filmed for their fans to enjoy later. But hey, the K-pop industry is not something you know a lot about.

Fast forward two years and some change.

You've been dating someone since returning to Germany. He's from South Korea, 3 months older than you, honey toned skin, dark brown hair, a soft face, and a warm heart. He's got a great body, too. But he enlists 18 months of mandatory service in the military. Not one to sit around, you make use of the time to work overseas and go back whenever possible for his days off.

His name is 이 동진 (Lee DongJin). He's not the most exciting sexual partner, but he loves you. You have met his family, and they love you too. While working in Tokyo,'Cole' asks for another favour. You guys have kept in touch since your last favour. Going for girls' nights out and shopping days when you're in the same country. The band she was assigned to has become quite well known in Korea and has also been on tour to some parts of Europe and the US.

Nicole has asked you to cover for her in the US next month, she's hurt her leg and won't be able to fly, plus "it's only a few days and you've worked with him before, please" she whinges down the phone. You say yes. It's all money for your life with DongJin for when he gets out of the military. The flights and hotel have been booked. You will be able to complete the contract you're on, then fly to Seoul, where you can do a few errands and then onward to LA. Easy.

You know it's for a member, but you're not sure which one. It doesn't matter. it's a few days contract with 3 languages. DongJin is being discharged in 3 and half months, and you're looking forward to starting your life together

Once you land in Incheon, and head back to your apartment in Hongdae. The apartment block is huge and part of a larger community. on the sight there is a gym, a small shopping complex, it's also located next to the subway. There is a reasonable sized park area where you can walk around and enjoy the trees and flowers. You like being outside, especially in spring and autumn.

Inside your block, there is a vase lobby with a concierge. the mail boxes are situated to the left of the reception desk and the elevators to the right. You take the elevator up to your floor. it's a smooth ride and only takes about a minute. there's a large window on each floor with a beautiful view of the city.

The keypad lights up but makes no noise at this time of night. When walking thru the entrance and living area, you see different sized boxes, 'did I not tidy those away the last time i was here?' you think, 'is that a tux?' That's when you check the bedroom and see DongJin sleeping in your bed. But next to him is a bride.

You snap a pic and leave. You don't know why. Maybe your eyes are playing tricks on you. You don't know why, but you record a video of how your house is. The paintings are the soft furnishings and the electronics. You see the laptop you gave him the phone you bought him before he left for service you pick that up too and leave. You say to the night guard that there will be someone by tomorrow to change the key code. you thank him for his work.

Catching a taxi is easy. You go to a hotel not too far from your apartment. Once inside, you scream. 'Shit, fuck, what the hell was that. ok Booze'

Once you get thru a bottle of whisky you sleep.

You wake with a fire inside your belly and a matching band in your head. You call your fa (finance advisor) tell them what's going on and they make a group call to their in house lawyer. DongJin still doesn't know he has been found out. The Lawyers smile can be felt through the voice call.

They set in motion a plan to cut him out of your life for good and fast but you have to leave for work or you won't be able to pay.

Back story

In primary school. Your teacher set your class up with pen pals. She, being from Germany and doing a yrs exchange, thinks this is a great idea, you all start writing to her other class back home.

This goes on for the year. Most of the class don't care about it but you love it. You learn German kind of fast. You send more than one letter to your new friend a month while the rest of the class barley get through the required one every 5 weeks.

Your family take summer vacations and the last few yrs it's been France. So you have made friends with some of the locals. you also write letters to them. its only natural for you to pick up their language as well.

Yip your one of those kids. You love learning.

By the time your sitting your exams in high school, instead of taking the broad subjects like a science or creative arts you focus on languages. Already you have the French and German certificates, that you sat in 1st and 2nd Yr. In 3rd and fourth year you added Spanish and Japanese. You love to challenge yourself and your teachers encourage it.

Now that your a little older and know what you want to do with your life, Instead of family vacations you spend holidays living with your dad's sister who lives in Norway. You gain entry to one of the colleges and spend 2 yrs there. Your now, Almost 19yrs old. You have 5 languages with the corresponding certifications at your disposal. You wanted to work at the un. Not because you particularly cared for the politics but you could do the job of 5

people so you were in demand. After a year you want to go exploring. So you take 2 yrs out. Go visit the countries and really learn the languages. Meeting many wonderful people. When In Japan you find a love for Korean cuisine and take a trip with some European friends. After 3 weeks doing the tourist thing you fall deeper for the country so spend 6months teaching and tutoring students.

Over the next few years you bounce around Europe, Japan and Korea. 2016 and your working in Germany on a contract for some business. It's boring at times and its really helping the company staff with their English pronunciations and spelling. the upside to this contract is, your closer to your family so can see them more. You miss your younger sister.

While there your friend Nicole calls you.

Surprised but happy you get to chatting.

"Hey babes, i have a favour to ask..."

[isngh8n]

you're my best pair — sunghoon.

pairings : idol mc!sunghoon x non-idol gf!reader

genre : smut, suggestive

warnings : grinding, dry humping, minors strictly dni

word count : 1.0k

a/n : hi, i'm back i guess ? something came up that affected me deeply and i'm so sorry for disappearing all of a sudden :( btw, i decided to write this to celebrate one month ever since sunghoon's mc debut !! anyways, as usual, this is not proofread, if you see typographical and grammatical errors, don't mind them.

sunghoon was chosen as the new mc for music bank and you are very much happy about it. he always hoped for a big opportunity like this, especially after experiencing being special mcs for music shows during their promotions, he wanted to feel the excitement it brings.

"i want to experience being a full-time mc, so i could improve more and grow with the environment of this industry," what he said is still clear in your mind as well as his bright, genuine smile. so when he got the announcement, you both celebrated and wished him the best.

it was all laughs and smiles, not until the day came. you were too focused to sunghoon, cheering him during his preparations for their comeback and him being an mc, to notice that he's actually paired with another girl idol for a year. with this said, you couldn't help it but be insecure, praning and jealous. because who wouldn't get jealous and insecure over jang wonyoung?

the responses about the pair, some were even shipping them, didn't help what you're feeling at all. 'what if he finds her pretty and cute', 'what if he gets attached and might actually like her', 'i'm no match to her' kind of thoughts kept running in your mind.

right when music bank has started with the show introducing both of them, you seem to forget your doubts for a moment as sunghoon appeared in the tv, you silently complimented him and clapped out of joy. but that happiness came off when a certain part of their performance comes in, both of them looking and facing each other.

"they look great together, music bank is on a huge advantage here."

"right? what a pretty pair." the staffs behind her mumbled, and that's when reality hit you again.

doubts and jealousy came rushing in your veins. you were happy, really, but you just don't have any energy to show a smile on your face while watching after hearing those comments.

an hour later, the show already finished and sunghoon came in the dressing room where you are waiting. your eyes met and he looked relieved when he saw you, you gave him a subtle smile and went inside the small room for resting and sat on the couch, waiting for him to finish the small talks and short pictorials.

after a few minutes, sunghoon came in. his tired expression saying it all, sitting right beside you, expecting you to talk, but he only received silence.

"y/n, is there a problem?" he worriedly asked.

"no, hoon, nothing. you did amazing, i swear! it's just that everyone is saying you both look great together and i guess my insecurities got into me." you smiled tightly.

sunghoon looked at you, his eyes spoke for him before he got to actually let those words out. "look, love, all of this is just a job to me, okay? i will never look at anyone the way i look at you. and who the fuck are those people to talk like that? i am the best when i'm with you, you understand?" your heart swelled at the sincerity, your thoughts were immediately wiped off as you nodded and gave him a hug.

"you feel better now?" he asked.

"mhmm, thank you, hoonie." sunghoon pulled you closer, making you sit on his lap. your legs on his sides, he stares at you with full of admiration. "i love you, y/n."

you chuckled at his sudden sweet lines but you know this is how he reassures you and you're grateful for that, "i love you too, hoon." he smiled and leaned in, his soft, plump lips connecting with yours.

sunghoon kissed you passionately, pulling you as close as possible. your arms found its way around his neck as you fix your position on his lap without breaking the kiss until sunghoon let out a moan. you pulled away with confused eyes, "did i hurt you?"

he shaked his head. "no, babe, uhm… it's just…" before he could finish, you feel something hard poking your inner thigh and that's when you realized why.

you looked at him, the temperature in the small private room suddenly got hot. you wasted no time and kisses him fervently, intentionally grinding hard on him, making him moan into your mouth as you enter your tongue, exploring the parts untouched before.

his hands gripped your hips, trying to make you move on top of him which you did, each other releasing lewd sounds as you suck on his tongue, tasting a bit of mint and strawberries. the growing wet patch on your panties clings uncomfortable to your folds as you continously grind over his clothed erection.

soon later, you moved down to his neck, tracing his sharp jaw line with wet, open-mouthed kisses until you reached his long, pretty defined neck, leaving a few bites under and near his adam's apple. you continued to grind against him, the tip of his cock teasing your clothed core making you leave small whimpers near his ear.

however, sunghoon doesn't feel contented, he grips your waist as he starts humping against you, the thin fabric of his pants making it easier for you to feel him. your arms around him held him tighter as your head falls to his shoulder, moaning for the immense amount of pleasure you're feeling right now. sunghoon humps you fast enough to get you a growing knot in your stomach, despite the clothing barrier.

"h-hoon… i'm c-close, fuck!" you warned him.

"me too," he grunts.

with that said, sunghoon lifted your hips up a bit as he slid down the couch enough to change your positions. he wraps his arms around your waist as his hips continuously rut against yours, thrusting hard enough, making you both cum on your clothes. you decided to grind on him, riding both of your high. you collapsed in his arms, both of you trying to catch your breaths.

"we made a mess," you both chuckled as you feel uncomfortable with your panties clinging on your folds, and sunghoon having a visible wet stain on his pants.

"i love you so much, y/n, i hope you always know that you're my best pair." he pecked your lips before standing up to get something for the both of you to be cleaned.

m.list

[hansensgirl]

put me in a movie.

summary. | He knows you can’t make it on your own, so he’ll put you in his movie.

warnings. | Dubcon (reader doesn’t know what he’s doing but consents to it), smut, drinking, age gap (reader is legal), virginity loss, choking, spanking, dirty talk, degradation, corruption kink, innocence kink, cream pie kink, penetration, teasing, praise, filming, voyeurism, porn (the industry), fluff, yearning, Daddy kink, humiliation, overstimulation, dumbification kink, and more. SMUT, 18+ MINORS DNI.

word count. | 6.5k.

pairing. | Grey!Pornstar!Helmut Zemo x Innocent!Reader.

a/n. | please enjoy and don’t forget to reblog! if you take ANY inspiration from my fics (and i’ll know, trust me) and you don’t give credit, you will be blocked and i’ll let others know. inspired by wet, written by the talented @thewritingdoll! do not translate or repost my fics at all.

You don’t like the heat, but you love the summer. The way the days are seldom cold and cloudy, with that occasional breeze that your skin gracefully soaks up in the same way your beach towel soaks up the water on your bathing suit. Popsicles of different flavours dripping down your skin and onto the hot sidewalk. The sticky residue makes you cringe, and you’d use the damp side of your towel to wipe it away. It would work for a few seconds, maybe even a minute or two, before the feeling returns.

You hate the heat, but you love to see him. Those swim trunks of his sticking to his wet skin. They’re a blue colour that seems easy to describe at first glance, but you’ll soon realize just how many shades of navy blue there are, and suddenly you don't even know what colour they are. Maybe it’s the colour of the jeans the cameramen wear, or perhaps it’s the colour of the night sky at around six in the evening during the summertime.

They lug heavy equipment, and you just wonder if they’re filming a movie. If your friends and family members got word, they’d probably lose their minds before begging you to get them a part. Vying for fame runs through the family tree branches, and even you would want a small part in it as well. You give them empty promises, forgetting their words after a few minutes until the following text message or phone call.

You don’t spend much time at the beach anymore. Heck, you haven’t been there since June. Your friends have left with their boyfriends and girlfriends on a trip to Bali, and all you have are your family members to keep you company. Your white fence, magazine and lawn chair are all you know of now. You spend your days outdoors, knowing each one will be filled with the same things. The sunlight, bees buzzing, and seagulls having unwarranted ferociousness.

Your parents spend their days at work, and you stay home to hold your small fort down. You don’t water the grass or touch the garden because your father does it better than anyone. You don’t touch the paint meant for the walls or the furniture boxes that are strewn across the floors because your mother knows where to put them and how to paint. You just relax, and you don’t mind it at all.

That was until you saw him.

Curiosity is your closest friend other than the blue raspberry flavoured popsicles that take up more space in your freezer than anything else. So when the empty house next door suddenly filled up with around half a dozen people, you just couldn’t help but wonder what they were doing. So you peer over the fence, standing on the small two-step ladder that your dad stole from his previous job. Women and a few men are laughing, dressed down in both swimsuits and t-shirts. Their bodies are lovely, the pinnacle of beauty that you sometimes envy. Other times, you’d feel as though you’re the prettiest girl in the world, and that’s not far from the truth. They’ve got different brands of alcohol in their hands, White Claw cans littered on the ground, and you cringe at the mess.

They must be mentally younger than you’ll ever be again because no person older than you can act like this. Heavy, black cameras are resting nearby briefcases, and you hope to god that nothing illegal is going on. The last thing you need is the police questioning you at 1 in the morning. Some of the men ogle at the younger ladies, and they bask in the attention. You watch as their eyes rake up and down their shiny, sweaty bodies.

“Oh, please, the least you all can do is wait for me before you start the party,” a man snickers, stepping out of the house. You look over to him, and your breath is taken away. Water drips down his face, cascading down to his neck and onto his slightly hairy chest—a navy bluish-purple robe and those blue swim shorts that peek through underneath the cloth. The colour of the fabric goes oh so well with the blue of his eyes. They all laugh until they’re sighing and already cracking open another bottle of beer.

You admire him from afar, and you can’t help but be mesmerized by the way he moves: such grace, such elusiveness. The glass in his hand isn’t cheap beer or tequila; it’s whiskey that looks rich as fuck, and he swigs it back like it’s water. You remember the first time your father and mother brought whiskey home from the local liquor store. Your father didn’t enjoy it, and neither did your mother. It sat in a random cupboard until a year ago when your mother decided to throw it out.

He lets out an exhale as the amber liquid flows down his throat, and you watch in awe as he handles the burn like a champion. God, you can’t even handle beer if you try hard enough. He gently places the glass onto the table, far away from the men’s feet, as he knows that they can be quite clumsy. There must be a proper name for all feelings; you believe. Like that feeling when it dawns on you that you’ll never experience something like this ever again.

Or maybe the feeling that Helmut has right now. Not the excitement of finishing this film, and not the tiredness that is a result of working too hard. No, the feeling that he knows you’re watching him from over the fence. He sans his hand towards you, and you quickly duck down, letting out a whimper. You nearly fall from the small ladder, but it wouldn’t be so graceful if it did happen. “What’s wrong, Baron?” one of his co-stars teasingly asks.

“Nothing... Must’ve been the whiskey…”

You don’t hate the summer; you just don’t like the boredom. Even relaxation is something you can tire of, believe it or not. You’ve got nothing to do. Your friends are still out of town, and your parents are at work. You’ve cleaned the house not once, not twice, but three times. Your closet is as clean as it’ll ever be, and the pantry is now organized by most used to least used. The plants have been properly watered, even though it wasn’t necessary since the forecast said there’d be light rain.

You love the rain, especially during the summertime. The sky makes the surrounding world have an almost orange tone to it. The after smell––an earthy, oceanic scent that is so unique––is something you’ll forever look forward to. You’re excited for the day it’ll rain, but even meteorologists tend to be wrong, and Mother Nature has a thing for keeping her children on their toes. It’s one of the many reasons why you love her. So with your little red dress on, you spin around in the backyard.

You’re sensible. You know what creepy crawlers lie underneath the dirt, between the fluffy grass. So instead of being barefoot (just like in those Sofia Loren movies) and playing around, you grab that little latter once again. You’ve scrubbed the grooves and cleaned them of their plant stains––sloppily, of course. Your oversized slippers belong to your dad, and they struggle to stay on your feet, but it doesn’t matter.

You’re not going to be moving around much, anyway. You move the latter closer to where you last saw the group of men and women. You truly hope you don’t get caught and get into any trouble; the last thing you want is your parents scolding you and embarrassing you. You step up on the ladder carefully, grasping onto the wooden fence for support. The surface is hot to the touch, and you really want to let go, but you really shouldn’t. You whisper affirmations along the lines of ‘I won’t fall…’ over and over again, under your breath.

And you hope to God they work.

Admittedly, you also hope he’s wearing those blue swim shorts of his again. The look (and he) resides in your heart, amongst other tubes and canals that have learned to make room for friends, family and passions. But he’s not a friend, he’s not family, and he’s most certainly not a passion. ...He’s something else, that’s for sure. An enigma, really. He reminds you of that feeling––the one that has a name, temptation. Someone tells you not to do something you weren’t going to do in the first place, and now you want to do it.

Except the case is different. You shouldn’t be perving on strangers like this––sneaking up on them, spying on them––all because you just can’t help it. Your mind tells you to stop, but it’s just giving you all the more reason to continue doing it. So, until you nearly get caught one more time, you’ll continue to watch him. Desperate to figure out who he is and what he’s doing.

The cameras are no longer on the ground; a smart decision, given that there’s a pool that takes up more space than anything. The blue water of pools has always fooled you. You grew up believing that it was the true colour of water, not even knowing that it was, in fact, the tiles and not the water. There’s no mess there either, clean and tidy. Maybe professionally done, because the concrete has but not one dark spot or crease where grass grows out of it.

Laid perfectly, you know your mother and father would admire it for a few minutes. You squint your eyes and gaze at the glass sliding door. Inside is him. You let out one of those dreamy, love-filled sighs that only main characters do in romance movies. You watch him as he pours himself a cup of coffee, two spoonfuls of sugar, and a dash of what seems to be almond milk.

You wonder if he likes iced coffees, as they can be so nice during the summertime. He wears those lovely blue swim shorts once again, hair slightly damp (with a pretty curliness to a few strands) and a navy bathrobe. It’s that same outfit as the other time you saw him, and you realize that they’re probably filming a movie. He moves around the counter, putting away certain little ingredients and whatnot.

The most mundane actions ever, ones that even you did just this morning. But god, he just makes it all seem so unique. He cards his fingers through his brown, almost dirty blond hair. There are clumps of strands that stick together, wetness that’ll dry probably as soon as he steps outside. He faces the window, staring out towards the fence that has been freshly painted, and sighs.

His head lulls back, and his neck is exposed. He’s probably both an actor and a model, you think to yourself. His chest hair has grown a bit more, and you can’t find yourself complaining. Tingles run through your body and even down to your pussy. You rub your thighs together, trying to make the feeling go away, while still being careful about holding onto the fence. You hope that he doesn’t know you’re watching him because you’ll never be able to live that down.

And it’s just so unfortunate that Helmut is such a clever man. Heightened senses from when he used to camp a lot when he was younger; he just knows practically everything. He knows you’re watching him, squinting your eyes until they’re nearly shut close. The skin around them wrinkles in the most adorable way, just like the way your nose scrunches up out of instinct. God, he could kiss every crevice of your body, even if you don’t know who he is.

“Hey, Helmut, we have a few re-shoots to do. Do you want to start now?” one of the cameramen asks him, holding a microphone in his hand. “No… I’m tired; we’ll do it all tomorrow,” Helmut says, waving his hand. He’s no longer looking outside and instead at the man who he’s addressing. He nods and walks off before Helmut follows him. Common courtesy is to always escort your guests out, and Helmut was raised with manners. With a hand on the man’s lower back, and a smile on his face, Helmut gently pushes him out the door and locks it.

You watch him as he disappears, seemingly leading someone out of his home, and you think all is fine. That is until that little voice in your mind decides to be obnoxious. The slight possibility that you’ve been caught and he’s mad haunts you, and your breath hitches. Your eyeballs are wide open, as big as the eyes of an owl, and your hands shake a bit out of fear. They dampen up a bit, not enough to the point where you’d be disgusted, but they’re clammy nonetheless.

You make a move to jump off the latter, not caring about the possible risk of falling and scraping your pretty legs. Your hands begin to let go of the fence, but they’re stopped by someone grabbing you by your wrists. You let out a squeal of shock as they hold you tightly from over the barrier, and you’re screwed. “I’m sorry!” you quickly yell, squinting your eyes out of fear. You’re not sure what to expect, whether he would yell at you or threaten to call the cops.

“No, it’s okay. Calm down, I’m not mad. Come back,” Helmut tells you, and you calm down. Yet you’re still nervous, scared that he’s a liar and that you’ll be in deep shit with the law. You step back onto the latter and are wary of looking over the wood. His eyes meet yours, and you swallow thickly. “I’m not mad, okay? I think it’s kind of cute. You’re like a curious little bunny,” he smiles, and you giggle.

“Never been called that before, usually just a curious cat,” you share with him, and he laughs. “Well, that’s not wrong,” he adds. A brief silence intrudes, and you just stare at one another. Helmut’s eyes jump from feature to feature on your face, relishing in that unique gorgeousness of yours. Someone like you will never be found amongst models because you’re an absolute angel. You’re like a pretty rose amongst other flowers; all are beautiful in their own ways, but you always manage to stand out.

You wonder if Helmut is the wolf to your bunny. That dark look in his eyes that compliments his features and overall attitude. He carries himself in such a way that old Hollywood actors wish they were so graceful. He’s the polar opposite of you––seemingly. But from the few words you’ve exchanged with each other, he just might be a bunny friend to yours. “I- I saw that there were cameras and I heard people talking… Are you filming a movie?” you ask him.

“...Yes, we are, bunny. I apologize for being so loud. Do you forgive me?” Helmut questions with a smile on his face. You nod your head and bite on your bottom lip, watching as his eyes brighten up a bit. “What’s it about? Can I know? Are you the main protagonist? Or the antagonist? What genre is it?” you interrogate, flooding him with questions. “Shh, one at a time, bunny. It’s very, very special and secretive. I can’t tell you much. But I’m the main protagonist, and it’s a bit of a naughty movie, so I don’t think a little girl like you should know much,” he whispers to you.

You nod your head as you listen to him, so intrigued about the work of art being filmed next door. “I’ve always wanted to be in a movie! Especially in one of those old Hollywood ones, they’re so good,” you admit to him shyly, with a coy smirk on your face. “Really? I think you’d be an amazing actress. You’d be even more popular than Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe,” Helmut praises, and you giggle once again.

“T- Thank you so much! ...Can I be in your movie?” you politely request him, but he shakes his head. You frown, your bottom lip jutted out. “You wouldn’t want to be in this movie, bunny. Remember what I said? It’s a naughty movie, and you’re just a little girl,” he reminds you, but you’re still pouting. “Is it a violent movie? One with curse words and lots of scary stuff?” you innocently ask, not sure as to what he means.

Helmut laughs quite loudly. “No,” he stifles a chuckle, “but one day I’ll shoot a movie with you, and I’ll show you how it’s all done.” He promises, and you can just tell he’s honest. You’re elated, hoping that the day he’s talking about will come soon. “What is your name, bunny?” Helmut asks, and you tell him. He nods before repeating it, giving you a smile. He brings both of your hands close to his face. You go on the tip of your toes to properly watch him once more. He presses his lips to the back of your hands, kisses them one by one.

“Go get some rest, bunny, and come by my place tomorrow,” he tells you before letting go of your wrists. He walks off before you do anything else. Sliding the glass door behind him, he disappears somewhere, and you’re left all by yourself. You’re still standing there, sighing dreamily as you replay the moments that will surely turn into a broken record. You hope that he’ll wear those blue swim shorts again, even though he’s already worn them twice.

There’s a skip in your step—nothing new and nothing unusual. Your shoes scratch against the concrete of the sidewalk that connects to Helmut’s front door. The sun only rose an hour and a half ago. The sky is a bright blue, filled with a few clouds that compliment the colour. The sun beats down onto your skin, and you haven’t forgotten to put on sunscreen once you finish twirling around in your little sundress.

You’ve got a miniature backpack that is slung over both of your shoulders. It’s orange, a bright one, in fact. It reminds you of the tangerines you love to peel, and those creamsicle treats that can be quite rare to find at this time of the year. You climb up the two steps that lead to his grey door, and you rap the wood a few times. There’s a doorbell too, one of those high-tech ones that record everything in its view.

Nothing but silence echoes back. No cars driving by, no birds chirping, no insects buzzing. Nothing. You wonder if he’s woken up yet, or if he’s even home. But as the door suddenly swings open––without a squeak, mind you––you’re met with the smiling face that belongs to Helmut. “Good morning, early-bird, is everything alright?” he questions, not one ounce of sleep tainting his look.

“Good morning! Everything is alright… D- Do you remember what you told me yesterday? About coming by?” you ask him, almost thinking to yourself that you’re just insane and that conversation never really happened. “Oh, right! Sorry, I've been a bit forgetful lately. But come in, have you eaten already?” Helmut asks as he moves to the side for you to enter.

Hesitatingly, you step inside his home. You kick off your shoes and look around. It seems sleek and modern at first, quite… different from the familiar feel of your house. Now, there are no wild polygons or geometric shapes that make you feel like you’ve been placed on a spaceship. No, it’s something that even your mind can’t come up with. The walls are a cream colour, engraved with different patterns that make it resemble marble. The chairs and couches have clear plastic legs on them, adding to that newfound era feel.

The floors are a light brown colour; wood in the shape of long, skinny parallelograms fitting against each other perfectly. The lights hang down a bit, high ceilings that you can’t even fathom reaching. You spin around and look up at them as they shine down brightly on you. They stem down from a pretty grey bronze appliqué that is attached to the ceiling. It’s practically art, just like the portraits of half-naked ladies that hang on his walls. There’s a specific piece that is above the fireplace.

It’s a mirror, and your reflection is in it. So is Helmut’s. You’re in front of him, looking at him through the mirror. He’s behind you, staring at your reflection. You both stay like that for a bit before you look away and admire the windows. He has such a lovely view; you can’t help but envy him for it. “Now, bunny, I have to be honest with you. We wrapped the movie up last night, and it was very late. I didn’t call you over because of that, and I’m really sorry about that. Do you forgive me?” Helmut questions.

You nod your head eagerly, just sensing that he’ll lead on with some sort of good news. Your parents have done that far too many times for you not to know better. “But, if you want, I’ll put you in a movie. It’ll be just between you and me because it won’t be too professional, okay?” Helmut grabs your hands and looks you in the eyes, waiting for your answer. “Oh, yes, please! That sounds amazing. Thank you so much!” you cheer, wrapping your arms around him.

You hug him tightly, and he eventually hugs you back. “Now, I want to finish it as soon as possible. So set your bag right on this couch, and go sit on that one,” Helmut instructs, pointing at the biggest couch in the living room. You nod and do exactly as he tells you. He walks away, possibly to set something up or to get ready, but either way, you still sit on his couch, filled with pure excitement. You cross one leg over the other, your pretty white dress covering the upper half of your thighs.

Lace that is on top of the cotton, both the same colour, and you realize how much you love this dress. Helmut saunters back into the living room, holding a giant tripod in one hand and a small camera in the other. You gasp at the sight, and he chuckles. Setting them up from the other side of the small coffee table, you watch him in awe. “This is going to be… a big girl movie, okay? Just like the one I was in. But I don't think it will be visible to the public eye, might just be between you and I,” Helmut tells you.

You nod in understanding. “Are you fine with that, little bunny?” he asks you just for reassurance. “Mhm, you can do anything you want; I don’t mind!” you reassure him, with a giant smile on your face. He swallows thickly as blood rushes downwards to his cock from your words. You still grin gleefully, such innocence on your features that he almost feels bad for having feelings for you.

He presses the little power button on the camera and waits for a green light to come on. With a smirk, Helmut walks around the table and stands in front of you. You look up at him, waiting for him to do something. He bends down and grabs both sides of your face––gently, of course––and he makes you stand up. He tilts his head and leans forward, slotting his lips against yours.

Now, you’ve kissed someone before. His name started with something along the lines of ‘J’ or ‘L,’ but that doesn’t matter. But that kiss was nothing like Helmut’s kiss. His kiss is soft and passionate, something you struggle to match. His lips stay locked with yours before moving to push his tongue into your mouth. You’re not sure what to do, so you just give up and let him kiss you until you both run out of breath. His tongue runs against the wet skin of your mouth, and you gasp at the feeling.

He eventually pulls away, and he looks at you with his eyes blown out. Helmut sighs and smiles at you. “You gotta trust me, okay?” he tells you once more, and you nod. “Ok…” you trail off, not knowing what to follow up with. “You gotta call me by a nickname, bunny… Hmm, how about Daddy?” he exclaims, his accent becoming more prominent. You love it and how unique it is. “Okay! I like that one a lot, my friend calls her boyfriend that sometimes,” you share with him, and he laughs.

He sits you down on the couch again, and his hand inches up your dress, making you giddy. He smiles at you, and you can see from the corner of your eye how the camera is filming you both. Helmut just knows you’re wet already, but you probably don’t know it. And he’s not wrong. You feel slightly tingly, but that’s nothing out of the ordinary. Your panties slide down your legs, a wet patch on them, and Helmut throws them to the side. He lifts your dress over your head and tosses the fabric away, too.

He takes a step back and admires you. You still have your ankle socks on, but God, you’re so gorgeous he thinks he’s in heaven. “You’re so pretty, bunny. The prettiest bunny I’ve ever seen,” he compliments. You grow shy and smile before whispering a thank you. You smile at the camera, and he begins to undress. The first thing that goes is the robe, and his chest is now exposed.

Helmut hasn’t shaved his chest hair, and you’re glad. It looks nice on him––but to be fair––anything does. All he has on is those swim shorts. God, you love those shorts so much. They’re no longer wet, and yet they still cling to his thighs. He slowly pulls them down––and you feel as though you should look away and give him privacy––but you just can’t. His cock is hard, and it shows through the fabric, but you’re too busy staring at his hands to notice it.

His Adonis belt is slowly exposed, along with his pelvic bone, as he pulls down his boxers as well. There’s a small bush of hair right above his cock, and you find yourself wanting to tangle your fingers between the strands. Helmut’s cock bounces up––hard, red, and leaking––and the tip slaps right below his belly button. You let out a gasp, and he chuckles. His swim shorts lie on the floor, and you’re suddenly being urged to lay back.

Helmut climbs on top of you, caging you beneath his well-built body. Soft abs that are just perfect enough for you, and big hands that hold you so lovingly. He wants to feel his rough palms against your delicate skin, falling into every groove and curve there is. Like an artist admiring their artwork, he runs his hands along your body. From your thighs to your hips, over your stomach, between your breasts, all the way up to your neck. His hard cock is between your legs, nearly touching your sensitive little pussy.

You swallow nervously at the feeling. Helmut’s left hand wraps around your throat, and his right hand moves downwards to your legs. Gripping your calf, he places your right leg on the head of the couch and moves to position your left leg so that it hangs off the edge of the seat. You’re spread wide open for Helmut, not able to hide your naked body or close your legs. Your hands rest above your head, almost as though you’re pathetically shielding your hair from the rain.

Helmut’s hand still rests on your neck, but he doesn’t squeeze your throat or anything like that. You’re not sure if he’s playing the antagonist or not, but you decide to just go along with what he does. “You’re okay, right, bunny? You’re fine, I’m gonna treat you so good,” he promises, and you give him your best superstar smile. You have to admit that you’re nervous, but you trust him completely. Helmut would never do anything wrong to you.

“Has anyone ever touched you down here, bunny? Have you ever touched down here?” he questions you, walking his fingers up to your soaking wet pussy. “Hmm, uh, I touched it once, but I didn’t know what was happening, so I stopped,” you shyly explain to him, and he nods. “That’s okay, bunny. Can I touch you here? I won’t hurt you too badly, I promise,” Helmut assures you, and you nod. His index finger sticks out, and he watches as slick drips from your hole and coats the silky skin around it.

The digit becomes a bit shiny and quite sticky, and he traces your slit lightly. You shiver lightly from his touch, and sensitivity blooms in your core. “Uhm… Daddy?” you call out to him, a bit worried. “What’s wrong, bunny?” he asks, bringing his finger up to your clit. It throbs with want, just like the veins on his cock. “It feels very sensitive, almost too sensitive…” you admit to him, even though he continues to touch your clit.

“That’s okay, bunny, that’s how it’s supposed to feel. But if you want to stop, just tell me,” Helmut urges you. “Okay, Daddy.” He rubs your little nub in small, light circles. The muscles in your legs twitch, and you bite down on your bottom lip. He continues to touch your clit, and you begin to writhe from the overwhelming feeling. You let out a few whines, and Helmut watches as your cunt just gets wetter and wetter.

You try to shift his hands away from you in your weird position. It’s just too much at once, and you’re scared of what will happen next. The pornstar’s finger slips off your cunt, and he lets out a small gasp. The sound is mixed with displeasure, and you look him in the eyes with innocence. “Don’t do that again, bunny,” he warns, squeezing your neck a bit just to add to his threat. His index finger returns to your clit, and this time, he rubs your little pearl even harder. You see stars, ones that are dark and would be hidden in the blackness of outer space. Your eyes roll back into your skull, and you’ve never felt such pleasure in your life. Helmut’s digit touches the most sensitive part of your clit, and you jerk in response. Your legs try to shut close, but his body stops you from doing so.

When you open your eyes, you’re faced with a displeased superstar. Helmut lets out a shaky exhale, trying to compose himself. He knows he shouldn’t get mad at you, but he just doesn’t like it when he doesn’t have his way. His hand leaves your cunt and moves downwards. Suddenly, a harsh slap lands on your ass, making you cry out in pain. The skin stings and prickles, and you can feel slight tears beginning to form in your eyes.

Instead of staring at your pretty little face, Helmut squeezes your neck even tighter and watches as your little hole begins to leak with even more wetness. “Aww, bunny, did you enjoy Daddy hitting you? Hm? I bet you did; that’s you’re so wet,” he chuckles, and you grow shy. He’s not wrong, though. You enjoyed the pain quite a bit, even though you tend to avoid any and all activities that could leave you with a minor injury.

“Such a little slut for pain. But I bet you don’t like it when Daddy gets mean with you, right? Yeah, because you’re just a sensitive little bunny,” he coos, and you smile. You nod to him, and he grins down at you. Helmut’s cock is a furious red, almost purple if you really look closely. Beads of precum run down the sides of his cock, all the way to his thick base. He slaps your ass once more, enjoying the way you flinch and then smile from delight.

“I guess I’ve been a bit mean, just touching your little button without even letting you come…” he sighs before shifting onto his knees. Helmut looks over to the camera, just to make sure it’s still recording. And it is, so he smiles. He towers over you even more now, a few strands on his hair dangling downwards, and you find yourself wanting to play with them. The hand that was on your ass grasps the base of his cock, and he runs the head through your folds.

A quiet squelching sound echoes between the both of you, and you giggle. Your laughter is cut short when he bumps up against your clit, and you let out a moan. The sound is unexpected on your behalf, but Helmut just smirks. Your moans turn into a string of shallow pants, and he curses under his breath at the feeling. Dragging his head away from your clit, he brings himself down to your hole, and you let out an even louder gasp.

“Shh, just let Daddy in, okay? I know it’s your first time, but it’s okay. You’re fine, don’t worry,” Helmut reassures. You nod your head and let out a pained cry as he pushes into you slowly. You feel as though you’re being torn apart, split into two. He grips your throat even tighter, and you wrap your hand around his wrist in a panicked, fleeting moment.

Helmut sheathes himself inside you, with your mouth parted open in a silent scream and his eyebrows knitted together. He eventually bottoms out, and the stretch of his cock goes from a harsh burn to a pleasurable feeling. His swollen balls touch your aching ass, and he bends down to kiss your forehead lightly. “Feels good, doesn’t it?” he questions. “Y- Yes, it feels really good, Daddy. Just a li’l uncomfortable, but it feels really good,” you tell him.

Your cunt squeezes him in a tight hug, your silky wet walls welcoming him in hesitantly. He wishes to stay inside you his whole life, and he would if he could convince you. Helmut pulls out until his head is the only thing inside you before roughly thrusting back inside. You cry out, and his hand loosens around your throat. “Such a good girl, letting me use your pussy for my pleasure. You like being recorded while I fuck you, right? Say it,” he demands, fucking into you roughly.

Your tits bounce with each and every movement. Helmut’s cock gets closer and closer to your sweet spot, and you moan loudly. “I- I like being recorded while you fuck me, Daddy,” you repeat to him. Helmut groans loudly, and you clench down on his cock tightly. “You feel so good, bunny, better than anyone else,” he compliments, feeling slick sweat beginning to build upon his back. “Uhm, Daddy? S- Something’s happening,” you whisper to him through your desperate cries of pleasure.

Searing heat grows hotter and hotter in your stomach, right above your pussy. You’ve never felt like this before, other than when Helmut was touching your pussy a few moments ago. “Let it happen, bunny, it’s okay, come all over Daddy’s big cock. I know you can do it, squeeze me, bunny,” Helmut urges, and you listen to him. The powerful feeling grows and grows, and so do your moans. And the elastic cord breaks eventually. It always does.

You cry out ‘Daddy’ as you come undone around his cock for the very first time. He continues to fuck you through your orgasm, even though you’re gripping him so tightly. You gush all over him, wetness coating his cock, and it makes him fuck you even quicker. The sound of skin on skin and loud moans fill the room, and Helmut hopes to God that the microphone is picking up on it all. The feeling in your body makes you lose all sense of reality, and you’re babbling like a little baby.

“Daddy- It’s too much,” you sob to him, digging your nails into your palms. “Shh, it’s okay, bunny,” he shushes gently, keeping his hand wrapped lazily around your neck. Helmut’s cock slams into your cunt, pounding into you ruthlessly, yet he’s somehow oh so gentle. Your eyes roll into the back of your head again, and you moan gently as you feel another climax being built up. Back to back, and you’re not sure how your body is going to handle it.

He’s close, too. He’s never had this happen before, and he’s not sure what to think of it.

“Awe, you’re going to come again, bunny? That’s okay, shh, Daddy’s here, bunny. We’ll do it together, and it’ll b- be good,” he tells you, and you nod. Helmut bends down and places his shiny forehead against yours. He stares you into your glassy eyes––they’re hazy––and he can tell you’re gone. You’ve gotten all stupid and dumb for his cock, and he loves the idea so much.

You both pant as he sloppily fucks into your cunt, his heavy balls slapping against your ass. “Fuck, I can’t wait to fill up your tight little pussy with my cum. Gonna watch it leak out, and I’m just gonna fill you up over and over again. Make you all mine because you belong to me. Right? Say it,” he growls, fucking you even faster. “I’m all yours, Daddy, I’m all yours,” you say to him, and you’re both pushed off the edge after one specific thrust.

“O- Oh my…” you choke out, squeezing your eyes shut. Helmut curses loudly, saying all kinds of sinful things that a nun would faint if she hears him. His cock twitches as he comes inside you, and your pussy squeezes him as you let go. Streaks of cum shoot out his tip and paint your inner walls, and it all begins to leak out already. Your cum mixes with his, and he can’t lie and say he doesn’t enjoy the sight of it.

He presses a kiss on your nose before slowly pulling out. Helmut’s cock is still hard, and he just knows the afternoon won’t end until he says so. You wince loudly at the feeling of emptiness and overwhelming sensitivity. “Sorry, bunny,” he frowns, reaching over for the camera. You watch him through droopy eyelids as he focuses it on your cunt, then to your body, and then to your face.

“Did I do good, Daddy?” you ask him excitedly.

“So good, bunny. You’re going to be sweeping up at the awards next year.”