#I genuinely don't know what I did or why so many people are upset

[antiendovents]

“Put this pro endo flag to let people know you are safe!” WHAT.

Why are endos acting like they are “discriminated against.” Having a system isn’t fun. I wish I wasn’t a system because it genuinely affects my life. It’s a DISORDER. Being an endo is the same thing as saying “I have PTSD without the trauma.” THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE.

This makes me so upset. My memories are getting worse and worse, and yet these endo “systems” are just “making up” alters for fun. Why are there pro endo people. Am I actually missing something??

I hate endo systems. I’m convinced that a small percentage are actual systems that forgot their trauma, and the rest are just making ocs while hiding behind the term system (its not fun btw!!)

— 🪱🪲

yeah, I really don't know why endos always act as if they're an oppressed class; you're not. You are the oppressors. They literally come from a movement that attempted to demedicalise DID completely, which would make many many systems suffer as they likely wouldn't have anymore accommodations or have access to the things their diagnosis gives them (which probably isn't a lot, but still). The only "discrimination" they experience (that's related to them being endogenic) is when people tell them facts, which, by the way, isn't discrimination. When someone tells you 'hey, what you're doing is hurting hundreds of not thousands of people (directly and indirectly) and you're spreading tons and tons of misinformation' that isn't discrimination. Your hatred for endos is valid and even if a small percentage of them are genuinely confused that doesn't excuse the misinformation and harm they spread / cause.

[mammaonii]

Did some happen? Are you ok?

Honestly with how bad my depression, anxiety and PTSD have gotten I just don't think social media is a good thing for me. People who I once thought of as friends either blocked me for unknown reasons or have just stopped using social media. The only friends I really have here that are still active and talk with me are @cryptidrocker and @kapitein-oranghien-29 ( go check these guys out btw they supper awesome! ) The fandom I originally can on here for is so damn toxic that I'm getting anxious about just enjoying the game it can from cause I don't want any of them seeing or interacting with me. ( I also don't wanna deal with the death threats and attempted doxxing again. ) I'm scared to interact with the monster lover fandom because if that shit starts there too then Im lost. I wanna get into a bunch of things, write a bunch of stories, draw so much fan art but I just mentally can't take it.

[dickaspointed]

𝑹𝑬𝑴𝑶𝑽𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑯𝑰𝑪𝑲𝑰𝑬𝑺 𝑾 𝑶𝑻7

𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥!!

HEESEUNG was about to start his daily regime of violence on league when he walked into the kitchen to gather an array of food and drinks to satiate his gnawing hunger. your back was turned to him, so of course he took it as a sign to scare you. instead, you scared him when you whipped around with a whisk in hand, rolling it aggressively against the red and purple bruises that lingered over your collarbone.

"what in the world?!"

"i seen it on tiktok! i have such an important interview tomorrow and i can't go into it like this. i look like a whore!" you exclaimed, desperately digging the silver into your skin. "is it working? please tell me it's working!"

JAY genuinely couldn't believe his eyes when you sat in the center of his bed with a whisk going to town on the marks he worked so hard to create last night. you had forgot all about the dinner with his parents and with your neck looking like the latest shark attack, you were desperate for anything.

"don't stare at me like that, tiktok said if i do this they'll go away." you remained stoic, but Jay cringed as he watched the little wires dig into your skin. "can you tell? i think they're disappearing—!"

JAKE took the whisk from your hand, narrowing his eyes at you as he stared upon the fading bruise. he had worked hard on these masterpieces and to watch you try to rid of them hurt a lot differently.

"i know that stupid tiktok hack! absolutely not! people should know our sex life is completely fine and thriving, why do you care so much about how they look at you?"

"my mom is on her way here," you deadpanned, lips flatlining. "remember the conversation 'we're waiting until marriage.' yeah, me too."

Jake cleared his throat, sheepishly returning the whisk. "i'm so sorry."

NI-KI dropped the groceries off in the little kitchenette, rolling his shoulders after lugging such heavy items up 4 flights of stairs. he had rung you at least 12 times and due to no answer he brought the groceries up by himself.

he huffed and puffed very obviously upset and when he burst through your bedroom door, nostrils flared and cheeks red, only then did you actually break from your trance.

"Ni-ki! i'm busy!" you screeched, whirling your wrists in circles as you held firmly to the stainless steel whisk you had instacarted to your house. "TikTok told me i could remove hickies—" Ni-ki moved in closer, yanking that stupid whisk away from you before he started his attack.

SUNGHOON was about to start baking a cake for Sunoo's birthday, most of his utensils were missing and when he searched high and low he couldn't find them. finally caving to ask you for help, he hung onto the doorknob his face twisted into pure confusion and disgust.

you sat cross legged on his bed, using both hands to twirl his whisk into a large bruise he created last night. a bowl of ice rested between your thighs, every now and then you'd take a cube out and slide it over the bruise before reassuming position. "oh! hi, hoon!"

needless to say, Sunoo had no cake and you had way too many hickies that a whisk could not whisk away.

SUNOO had went into hiding for majority of the day, hidden underneath covers, his phone propped on his pillow he watched tutorial after tutorial. to anyone who caught this it definitely looked like a weird sex kink but in truth he was trying to remove all of the hickies you had tatted on his skin.

he had a very important meeting this afternoon and no amount of makeup was hiding the shape or color of your lips on his skin. desperately enough, when you entered the bedroom and caught him in the act you only laughed, going over to your makeup kit to cancel out the different hues of hickies that loitered his beautiful skin.

"stay off TikTok, Sun. you'll rupture your arteries at this rate."

JUNGWON loved tatting your skin up in hickies, it really was his favorite past time. your chest quickly became a warzone and with the hot weather approaching you wanted nothing more than to wear crop tops or low fitting tops.

you wasted not a single second hopping on the good ole clock app to help rid of your problem. there were loads of tutorials to help and immediately you searched high and low for a whisk before diving onto the couch to start your experiment.

Jungwon wasn't too pleased with this and in short he threw the whisk away, giving you a long lecture on how you shouldn't care about what others thought.

K BYEREE

[edenesth]

TWTHH Spinoff: Love to Hate You [2]

Pairing: royal secretary!San x female scholar!reader

AU: historical au (Joseon era)

Word Count: 10.7k 🤡

Summary: San prided himself on his knack for building easy connections with women, viewing himself as a trusted ally for the opposite gender. Thanks to his deep bonds with his mother and sister, he possessed keen insights into the female mindset. Never did he imagine facing the ire of a woman, until he encountered a resolute female scholar with a strong dislike towards men.

A/N: I'd recommend listening to Laufey's Valentine while reading this, the song is quite perfect for this spinoff.

Part 1 | Main Story | Spinoff Masterlist

"Now, tell me, why were you crying?" you inquired, halting at the doorway of your house, careful to shield your mother from the conversation. You understood that she would only blame herself if she knew he was upset, despite none of it being her fault. Deep down, you knew she carried the burden of not being able to protect her children, always feeling like an inadequate mother.

Siwoo shook his head, "It's nothing, noona. I just... I was just overwhelmed with all the schoolwork on my first day. But don't worry about me, I feel much better after letting it all out," he reassured, attempting to alleviate your concerns. Yet, you couldn't fully accept his explanation. While a part of you ached to think he might have been bullied by his classmates, as you had feared, another part of you swelled with pride at his resilience.

That's my boy.

"Is that so? Well, come on then, dinner might be ready," you responded, and he brightened at the mention of food. "Dinner sounds good, I'm starving! Mother, we're home!" he called out excitedly, darting into your modest abode almost immediately.

"How was school, Siwoo?" your mother asked, her fingers smoothing down his unruly hair as he dug into his meal with gusto. Siwoo grinned and nodded. "It was okay! Master Lee looked after me really well, just like noona said he would!" Your mother smiled warmly and wiped a stray bit of food from his cheek. "That's good to hear."

You couldn't help but smile at their exchange, though you sensed Siwoo's words were meant to reassure your mother more than convey his true feelings. While Master Lee might have looked after him in their presence, you knew all too well the dynamics of school life and the possibility of bullying when no adults were around. Unfortunately, he would have to learn to navigate those challenges, just as you had.

Finishing your meal, you tousled your brother's hair. "So, what did that man from earlier say to you?" Your mother raised a curious eyebrow. "Man? What man?" Siwoo perked up. "Oh, that kind hyung-nim! He was just making sure I was okay."

You scoffed. "Kind? You don't even know him. People can seem nice but have hidden motives. Don't trust too easily, or he might want something from you." Turning to your mother, you elaborated, "It's His Majesty's royal secretary. We had an unpleasant encounter at the palace. I had hoped never to see him again, but somehow he was at Siwoo's school when I went to pick him up. How many coincidences can there be? I'm certain he's up to something. So, you," you directed a stern look at your brother. "Don't entertain him if he shows up again, okay?"

Siwoo nodded reluctantly, his expression turning sullen. Your mother shook her head. "Or perhaps he's genuinely nice...? He's an important figure, after all. You shouldn't make an enemy out of him, dear. I worry for you." You offered her a reassuring smile. "I'll handle it, mother. Don't worry about me."

Later that night, as you lay in bed, the soft breathing of your brother beside you with a comforting rhythm, you couldn't help but feel a pang of bittersweet emotion. Siwoo, once the tiny bundle you cradled in your arms, had grown so quickly before your eyes. Memories of his infancy flooded your mind, the moments when you'd rocked him to sleep and comforted his tears.

Now, here he was, trying to shield his own emotions from you, not wanting to burden you with his struggles. Your heart swelled with both pride and a tinge of sadness as you gently stroked his head, leaning in to plant a tender kiss on his forehead. How you wished he could remain your precious little brother forever, sheltered from life's harsh realities.

Yet, another part of you longed for him to mature, to become the pillar of strength this family needed. You yearned for the day when he would stand beside you as a protector, capable of shouldering the burdens that weighed heavily on your shoulders.

"Sweet dreams, little one," you whispered softly, your voice barely a whisper in the darkness. With a sigh, you closed your eyes, letting the tranquillity of the night envelop you as you drifted into slumber, your dreams filled with hopes for the future.

The next day unfolded much like the one before, with the familiar routine of dropping Siwoo off at school. Kneeling beside him, you tenderly adjusted his hanbok and smoothed down his hair, your actions a comforting ritual between siblings.

"Well, I have no new advice for you today, except to stay strong and not let the words of others affect you. Remember, they're just words, and you can choose not to let them bother you," you imparted, noticing the flicker of surprise in his eyes, as if he had been caught keeping secrets from you. With a warm smile, you gently pinched his cheeks to alleviate any worries he might have.

"Now, go on and get in there. And no causing trouble!" you teased, prompting a playful protest from Siwoo as he swatted your hands away and stuck out his tongue. "Bye, noona! See you later!" he called out cheerfully as he headed off to join his classmates.

As you watched him go, a soft smile lingered on your lips, filled with both pride and a touch of wistfulness.

He'll be fine; we've been over this.

You proceeded towards your educational institution to resume your own studies, putting aside worries about your brother for the moment. As you arrived at the entrance, you took a deep breath to ready yourself before entering, clutching your books tightly to your chest.

"Well, well, look who decided to grace us with her presence. Miss Smarty Pants finally showed up. Heard she even resorted to borrowing books from the royal library," Namgil, the scholar with the wealthiest father and your longtime tormentor, remarked as he annoyingly strolled alongside you, trailed by his group of cronies. One of them chimed in with a smirk, "Poor thing can't even afford her own books. Maybe if she catches the eye of some high-ranking officials in the palace, she won't need to study so hard at all."

Maintaining a neutral expression, you continued walking towards the foyer, where you could begin your studies undisturbed with the presence of teachers. Despite the taunting remarks being a regular occurrence during your journey from the outside to the inside of the institution, you had grown accustomed to them.

Reaching the foyer, you pivoted to face the group with a wide, sarcastic grin. "Well, boys, have you had your fill? If we're done wasting precious time trying to bring others down to boost our own fragile egos, maybe we should focus on our studies. After all, if we want to avoid squandering dear old daddy's money, we'll need to graduate. Time's ticking, gentlemen. Are we going to remain stuck in this childish behaviour forever?"

The satisfaction was palpable as you flashed a victorious smile and turned to stride into the foyer, leaving them no room for a rebuttal as a teacher emerged to greet the group. They hastily composed themselves, offering respectful bows and pretending as though nothing had happened.

Fools, you thought to yourself. This was precisely why you harboured such disdain for men. They were simplistic creatures, falling into one of two categories. The first, like Namgil and his cronies, were openly mean-spirited, condescending, and misogynistic. The second, exemplified by Royal Secretary Choi, was the cunning, duplicitous types who sought to earn your trust through false kindness before exploiting you. In the end, they were all cut from the same cloth.

At the end of the session, following a quiz intended to assess everyone's preparedness for the final examination, you unsurprisingly emerged as the top scorer once again. The teacher's announcement was met with the usual mixture of reactions, but your attention was drawn to his subsequent remarks.

"Miss Moon, once again, you've secured the top spot. Namgil, while second place may seem like an achievement, you should feel nothing but shame. All of you should. It's unacceptable to be outperformed by a woman. Study harder; I expect to see a different outcome in the next quiz."

You shook your head in disbelief at the teacher's words, seething inwardly at his ingrained bias. The implication that a woman should not surpass men in intellect spoke volumes about his archaic mentality. You were tired of being spoken about as if you weren't in the room, tired of the inherent sexism that permeated every aspect of your academic life. Graduation couldn't come soon enough; you were determined to prove these narrow-minded individuals wrong.

I'll show you morons.

"Oh boy, I know that look," Haneul remarked, shaking her head with a disapproving sigh as San emerged from his room the next day. Despite the dark circles under his eyes, his usual enthusiasm and determination shone through. She suspected her discouraging words from the previous evening had backfired, knowing her brother was just an optimistic idiot like that.

He scoffed, "What do you know? Go home already, noona. Your husband might start to worry if you keep visiting so often."

With a smirk, she lightly whacked him on the head. "I'm leaving today, don't you worry. But don't say I didn't warn you when whatever silly plan you might have ends up falling through. You men just love learning things the hard way, don't you? Let her be, Sannie."

"Yeah, yeah. Safe travels. I'll catch you later."

Haneul rolled her eyes in defeat. "Fine, fine. Send me away like I'm a nuisance. You should learn something from little Siwoo."

Turning back with a sarcastic grin, the royal secretary teased, "If you say so... love you, noona!" and blew her exaggerated kisses, earning a mockingly disgusted reaction. "Yuck! Save that for your future wife, gross!" she exclaimed, pretending to gag.

San strode through the palace corridors with newfound determination, his mind buzzing with plans and possibilities. He greeted the palace staff with a bright smile and a confident demeanour, earning curious glances from those he passed.

As he approached the royal study, he couldn't help but feel a surge of excitement. Today was the day he would begin executing his plan, the day he would show Scholar Moon that he was different from the rest, that he was sincere in his intentions.

Entering the king's presence, San found himself greeted with the warm smile of His Majesty. The elderly man's eyes twinkled with amusement as he observed his secretary's energy.

"You seem quite cheerful today, Royal Secretary Choi. Anything exciting happening in your life?" the king inquired with a chuckle as their daily meeting concluded.

San's grin widened, his heart racing with anticipation. "I suppose so, Your Majesty. I won't say more until I see positive results," he replied cryptically, unknowingly leaving the king to interpret his words as he wished. Little did the fool know, his vague response led His Majesty to believe he was referring to romantic pursuits.

The king's face lit up. "Oh, I can't wait to hear the good news. Best of luck, my boy. That's all for today. Carry on with your tasks," he said with a playful wink, dismissing San with a clap of his hands.

Secretary Choi bowed deeply, feeling grateful. "Thank you, Your Majesty!" he exclaimed before leaving the royal study, his mind already buzzing with plans to win over the female scholar.

He made his way through the library, exchanging nods with a few scholars absorbed in their studies. As he searched the aisles, hope waned with each passing moment. Nearly ready to give up, he reluctantly admitted to himself that you might not be there today. With a resigned sigh, he turned to leave.

But as he moved to exit, a flash of movement caught his eye. Turning back, he was stunned to see you tucked away in a quiet corner, fast asleep amidst a pile of borrowed books. A wave of tenderness washed over him at the sight of your peaceful form, and he approached you with silent steps, not wanting to disturb your rest.

He couldn't resist the urge to approach and observe you, struck by how serene and angelic you appeared in your slumber, a stark contrast to your usual tough and guarded demeanour. Seeing the sunlight streaming in from the nearby window and casting a glare on your face, he settled into the seat opposite you. With a gentle touch, he lifted his hand to shield you from the brightness, intent on preserving your peaceful rest.

Looking down at you like this, perhaps it was his innate sense of chivalry, but it stirred an intense urge to protect you, to help shoulder some of the burdens you must be carrying on those delicate shoulders of yours. He couldn't shake the feeling of admiration mingled with empathy as he watched you, lost in tranquil slumber amidst the chaos of the world around you. With a soft sigh, he longed to offer you more than just protection from the sun's glare, yearning to provide solace and support in any way possible.

As he watched you stir, letting out a small groan before readjusting your head and settling back into sleep, he felt a slight panic. However, his worry melted away when he realised you were merely shifting in your slumber. A soft sigh escaped him, accompanied by a gentle smile and a flutter in his heart at how endearing you looked.

Gosh, she looks adorable.

Resting his head on his palm, he continued to observe, noting the subtle signs of exhaustion etched across your beautiful face. Unlike other girls or women who likely had access to luxurious skincare products or ample rest to maintain their beauty, it was evident that any resources you had were dedicated to supporting your family and pursuing your studies. His gaze drifted to your hands, noticing the dry skin, blunt nails and paper cuts, evidence of both physical labour and tireless studying.

Gazing at you, his mind wandered to the challenges and hardships you must have faced throughout your childhood, shaping you into the resilient and guarded person you are today. He pondered on the beliefs you held about men, likely influenced by your past experiences. Working in the palace, San was all too familiar with the despicable behaviour of some men, having witnessed their deceit and manipulation firsthand. He understood, perhaps more than most, your strong aversion and distrust of men.

Yet, in his heart, he believed that you hadn't met men like him and his friends—men of integrity and genuine kindness. Determined to prove to you that good men existed, he resolved to show you through his actions. He was determined to be the exception, to demonstrate that not all men were as duplicitous as those you had encountered before. And in that moment, as he watched over you, he silently vowed to be the beacon of goodness and sincerity that you deserved.

Lost in his contemplations, he was jolted back to reality when he felt your hand push his away. Startled, he blinked, realising that the sun he had been shielding you from was now obscured by clouds. Your voice, sharp and incredulous, pierced through his thoughts.

"What in the world do you think you're doing, Royal Secretary Choi?" you demanded, your tone laced with annoyance and curiosity.

Flustered and caught off guard by your abrupt interruption, San quickly cleared his throat and straightened in his seat, feeling the weight of your scrutiny upon him. He could only imagine how his actions must have appeared from your perspective: waking up to find an uninvited man seated across from you, hand raised in an attempt to shield you from the absent sun.

"I-I can explain," he stammered, scrambling to find the right words to justify his actions. "I was just trying to—"

But before he could finish his sentence, you cut him off with a sarcastic smile, your words dripping with disdain.

"Let me guess," you said, your tone biting. "You just wanted to help? I thought I made myself very clear yesterday, but it seems I might not have. In case you missed the point, I'll repeat it again: I don't need your help. Thank you very much."

With that, you gathered all the books in your arms and swiftly exited, leaving him feeling chastised and uncertain of how to proceed.

As he sat frozen in his seat, watching your retreating figure, the royal secretary couldn't help but admire your firm resolve. Instead of feeling discouraged by your rejection, he found himself respecting you even more for it. Your unwavering stance showed him that you weren't one to let someone into your life easily, and in a world where men could be deceitful and manipulative, that was a reassuring trait. He couldn't help but feel a surge of admiration for you, even as he remained seated in the library, contemplating his next move.

Making your way out of the palace, your heart still raced from the encounter in the library as you clutched the stack of borrowed books close to your chest. Unbeknownst to Secretary Choi, you had been awake for some time, waiting to see what he would do, ready to catch him red-handed if he attempted anything untoward.

To your unpleasant surprise, you found that the glaring sun that had once been on your face was gone. Peeking through your lashes, you observed San going to great lengths to shield you from the brightness, even though he must have assumed you were still asleep. It was a small gesture, but one that spoke volumes about his character.

Even with his apparent kindness, you couldn't bring yourself to believe that he had done it without any ulterior motives. There had to be something he wanted from you; you were sure of it. You refused to let your guard down, you remained determined to stay wary of his intentions.

Despite your hopes that San would quit his efforts after the incident in the library, he proved to be annoyingly persistent. However, to your surprise, he no longer offered unsolicited help, seemingly aware that you had not asked for it. Instead, he chose a different approach to get closer to you.

Every day as you entered the palace, he greeted you with a bright smile and a friendly "good morning." You found his amiable demeanour irritating because it made it challenging for you to be rude to him when he was simply being a nice and sociable person. With no choice but to reciprocate his greetings, you returned them with a forced smile of your own, not wanting to appear impolite in front of other palace staff.

Today was no different, much to your dismay. Despite your multiple attempts to arrive either earlier or later than your usual time, he always seemed to be there. Deep down, you wanted to bluntly ask him if he had nothing better to do. Shouldn't a royal secretary be busy? Why was he always lingering around?

Approaching the entrance and spotting him, you couldn't help but slap a hand on your forehead in frustration. You tried to turn away, but he called out to you before you could make your escape.

"Scholar Moon! I see you're here early today. Good morning!" he exclaimed cheerfully.

You cursed under your breath and reluctantly turned back to feign a smile, bowing respectfully. "Indeed, I am... Good morning, Royal Secretary Choi," you replied through gritted teeth.

He beamed at you and gestured for you to join him. "Come, let us head in together!"

Letting out a sigh of disbelief, you put on your best fake smile and complied, knowing it wouldn't be in your best interest to be rude to someone of such high importance in front of other people. Damn it, you couldn't wait for the day to be over already.

Walking beside him, you sought a moment of tranquillity, but as expected, he initiated an unwanted conversation like always.

"How's Siwoo adjusting to school?" he asked, his tone overly chipper.

Suppressing the urge to roll your eyes, you briefly squeezed them shut before replying, "He's doing well. Thank you for asking."

His smile widened at your response. "That's great! I just hope he's feeling better than the last time I saw him. Poor boy was so upset."

You sighed, cutting him off before he could continue. "Yes, but he'll live—"

Before you could finish, a group of rushing court ladies surged around the corner. "Out of the way! Concubine Eom Heebin is giving birth!" Amidst the commotion, you were shoved aside, but a firm pair of arms caught you, guiding you to safety—San's arms.

You landed against his chest with a huff, and he peered down at you with wide eyes. "Careful there, watch your step! You alright?" His words lacked their usual formality, driven purely by instinct.

San gulped audibly, his gaze lingering on your features as if trying to memorise every detail. He marvelled at how beautiful you looked up close, relishing the sensation of holding you tightly against him. It felt strangely satisfying to shield you from danger, to have you vulnerable in his arms. There was an inexplicable desire within him to be the only one who knew how it felt to hold you like this.

Meanwhile, you felt a conflicting array of emotions swirling within you as you found yourself in his embrace. Despite your best efforts to maintain your dislike for him, you couldn't deny the unexpected sense of safety and comfort you felt in his arms. It unsettled you, this lack of disgust, and you hated how nice it felt, how it threatened to unravel the walls you had carefully constructed around your heart.

Realising your proximity, you blinked rapidly and pushed yourself away. "Y-yes, I'm fine. Thank you..." For once, you meant it.

Days passed, and you found yourself in a state of inner conflict whenever you were around him. Previously, you had to force yourself to maintain politeness and hide your disdain for him, but now, it was becoming increasingly difficult to be unpleasant.

You despised this newfound feeling of guilt he stirred within you, as if he was silently reproaching you for your past behaviour. Moreover, he continued to prove himself to be just as kind as everyone claimed, further complicating your emotions.

Hate brewed within you—not for the royal secretary as a person, but for the way he was challenging your beliefs about all men being alike. He made you start to doubt the certainties you once held dear, and you resented him for it. Most of all, you detested how he was making it difficult for you to maintain your animosity towards him.

Regardless of the swirling new emotions within you, one thing remained constant: your determination to avoid him at all costs. You were sick and tired of the conflicting feelings he stirred within you, and you knew that indulging in them would only serve as a distraction from your studies.

You needed to maintain your focus and drive, especially now when your responsibilities weighed heavily on your shoulders. The last thing you needed was to be sidetracked by unnecessary emotions brought about by a man, of all things.

But of course, life seemed determined to defy your efforts. Despite your best attempts to avoid him, it felt like he was everywhere you turned. With each passing day, you found yourself encountering him more frequently, almost as if he were purposely crossing your path.

The realisation was hard to swallow: you were seeing him more often than your own mother and younger brother combined. It was infuriating to admit, but no matter how hard you tried to evade him, he seemed to find a way to appear wherever you were.

As you finished up your studies and prepared to leave the palace, a sense of relief washed over you. Today had been the first in what felt like an eternity without a sighting of Royal Secretary Choi. Hope flickered in your heart as you packed up your belongings, eager to leave the palace behind and reunite with your little brother.

But just as you approached the main entrance, the sky darkened ominously. Thunder rumbled, and lightning streaked across the sky before a torrential downpour engulfed the area. "No, no, no, not now! Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" you muttered under your breath, feeling frustration bubbling up inside you.

With no umbrella to shield you from the rain, you hurried to seek refuge under the closest shelter you could find: the awning of a nearby building. The sudden change in weather dashed your hopes of a smooth departure, leaving you stranded and drenched.

The thought of Siwoo waiting for you added to your unease. You cursed your lack of preparation, knowing that he would now have to endure more time with his bullies. It was another setback in a day that had promised to be free of Choi San's presence.

Yep, I'm convinced god hates me.

While you sheltered under the awning, your gaze remained fixed on the entrance, torn between the desire to run out into the rain to your brother and the realisation that falling sick was not an option. Too many people depended on you—your mother, your brother, and all the women in need of your assistance. You couldn't afford to be unwell, not with so many responsibilities resting on your shoulders.

Lost in your thoughts, you failed to notice a figure approaching from behind until the raindrops abruptly ceased falling around you. Looking up, you were met with the sight of an umbrella being held over your head. Startled, you turned to see San standing beside you, concern etched on his features.

"Are you alright, my lady? Please allow me to escort you to your destination," he said, his voice gentle and sincere.

The royal secretary's surprise was evident when he realised it was you, causing him to stumble over his words in an attempt to explain himself. "O-oh! It's you, Scholar Moon! I swear I didn't realise it was you, I thought you were a palace staff or someone else! I mean, I wasn't trying to offer help when you didn't want it, or maybe I was..."

He paused, then continued, "But I promise, I'm not making any assumptions! I can leave if you want me to... I'll leave the umbrella with you, of course, because obviously little Siwoo is waiting for you. Sorry, I don't mean to ramble... I just— here you go." Without waiting for your response, he thrust the umbrella into your hand and hurried off into the rain, leaving you standing frozen in bewilderment, trying to comprehend the unexpected encounter.

As you stood there, still holding the umbrella he had left behind, you couldn't shake off the words he had said. They lingered in your mind, his voice echoing gently, making you question your own feelings. For the first time, you understood why women might find him charming. Despite your resolve to dislike him, you couldn't deny his physical attractiveness and his gentlemanly nature.

But as you thought about it further, a new emotion crept in—an unsettling realisation that his kindness wasn't reserved for you alone. He would be just as sincere and helpful to anyone in need. Suddenly, a twinge of jealousy stirred within you. Why did it bother you that he treated others with kindness? Why did you feel upset that you weren't the only one receiving his attention? What was wrong with you?

Confusion clouded your thoughts as you grappled with these unfamiliar feelings. You couldn't understand why it mattered to you whether he was nice to everyone or not. But the fact that it did matter left you feeling even more bewildered. What were these emotions, and why the hell were they stirring within you now?

Lord, I must be out of my damn mind.

In the days that followed, your annoyance with San returned, but this time it was for a new reason—one you stubbornly refused to acknowledge. Despite your efforts to keep your distance and maintain your walls around him, you found it increasingly difficult to do so. His presence seemed to linger in your mind, his gentle demeanour and persistent kindness chipping away at your defences.

Meanwhile, the royal secretary remained hopeful after his recent encounters with you. He noticed the subtle changes in your behaviour—the once sarcastic smiles and curt words slowly giving way to genuine attempts to interact with him. He knew your pride was likely the barrier keeping you from fully opening up to him, but he was determined to break through it.

Perhaps it was the sense of accomplishment he felt, but he found himself increasingly consumed by thoughts of you and the challenge of breaking down your barriers to earn your trust. Each day, he eagerly anticipated going to work, knowing he might catch a glimpse of your beautiful face. Lately, he noticed it revealing more than just anger and disdain—it showed hints of other emotions too. He longed to witness them all, to be the first and perhaps the only one to see them. He felt a swell of pride, both in himself and in your progress, even if you were unaware of it.

"You like her, don't you?" San's gaze snapped up to meet his mother's, his chewing momentarily halted as he raised a questioning brow. "What are you talking about, eomma?"

She grinned, gesturing towards the additional lunch box he had instructed the servants to prepare for work that day. "Oh, you mean Scholar Moon? I mean, yeah, I guess I do...? I like everyone," he responded with a cheerful beam. However, her expression shifted to one of knowingness as she crossed her arms over her chest. "That's not what I mean, you silly boy. You have feelings for her, don't you?"

He choked on his food in surprise at her assertion. "Huh? Wh-what makes you say that? You know about my mission to prove her prejudice wrong, that's all there is to it. I don't feel any differently about her than I do about any other lady."

With a knowing smirk, the elderly woman caused him to wince. It was the same sarcastic expression his sister always wore before delivering a harsh truth. "Oh yes, because you make a point to greet every female palace staff member every morning, ask about all their family members, never stop talking about them, and ensure to pack extra lunch for them all just like you do for Scholar Moon, isn't that right?"

As his mother's words settled in, a sudden revelation struck San like a bolt of lightning. It was as if a veil had been lifted, revealing a truth that had been hidden from him until now. He couldn't pinpoint exactly when it had begun—perhaps it had lurked beneath the surface from the start, waiting for the right moment to surface.

He had been so preoccupied with proving to you that he was different, so focused on challenging your prejudices, that he hadn't stopped to consider his own feelings. What had started as a mission might have morphed into something more. The concern and care he felt for you went beyond mere kindness; it was a genuine desire to protect and support you.

Reflecting on the moments when you had occupied his thoughts—the incident in the library, the near-accident with the court ladies—he realised that his feelings ran deeper than he had admitted to himself. Even as he grappled with the conflict between wanting to take care of you and respecting your independence, he couldn't ignore the truth any longer. Choi San was a man with a lot of love to give, and he wasn't shy or ashamed to admit that he had developed feelings for you—feelings that transcended friendship or admiration. It was a realisation that both surprised and invigorated him, filling him with anticipation for what the future might hold.

But he wasn't stupid; he understood that acknowledging his feelings didn't equate to knowing yours or if you could ever reciprocate them. Despite this, he chose to find contentment in this understanding. He wouldn't expect anything from you in return. Your happiness would suffice to make him happy, even if it meant remaining mere acquaintances.

With this resolve, he bid his parents farewell before heading to work, his heart fluttering at the prospect of seeing you once more.

Later that afternoon, San strolled around the area where you often spent your lunch breaks. Spotting you in the secluded pavilion near the royal library, he felt a wave of relief wash over him. Instead of your usual packed lunch, you were nibbling on a meagre steamed bun. Approaching you with a grin, he greeted you.

"Good afternoon, Scholar Moon. I see you're having lunch as well," he greeted, and you nodded quickly, feeling self-conscious and embarrassed about your modest meal. Just as you were about to ask him what he wanted, he revealed the bag of lunchboxes he had been hiding behind his back.

"That's wonderful then. My family estate kitchen staff seemed to have made an extra set of lunch, and I was just wondering if maybe you would like to have it," he offered. You raised a sceptical eyebrow. "An extra set? That seems highly unlikely to happen."

He tried to maintain his composure despite being caught in a fib. "Fine. If you're not interested in it, I'm sure there are other palace staff who would enjoy it," he said, turning to leave. Panic surged within you as he started to walk away. "W-wait! I'll take it... please," you pleaded, reaching out to grasp his arm. With a satisfied nod, he settled down beside you.

That's what I thought.

As you opened the meticulously prepared lunchbox, a look of awe graced your features. The royal secretary chuckled at your adorable expression. He observed as you hesitated for a moment, glancing at him as if seeking approval before starting to eat. With a nod of encouragement, he joined in.

Little did you know, he had overheard some court ladies discussing the struggles faced by a female scholar, which could only be you, as you were the only one known. They recounted your struggles to afford essentials at home due to your brother's school fees and your own lack of income, all because of your dedication to your studies.

As you both began to eat, you didn't notice San biting his lip to hold back his laughter. Your eyes had widened and sparkled with innocent amazement at the flavours, a look he had never seen before. The sight made his heart flutter, confirming his feelings for you. He wanted to protect that innocence forever and be the only one to witness this endearing sight. He could easily picture spending time with you like this for life, and he knew he wouldn’t complain.

When you looked up and caught him staring, he quickly returned his gaze to his food. You blushed and checked your lips for any stray rice, wondering why he had been looking at you like that. Like a creep.

How annoying.

Relieved that there was nothing on your face, you continued eating. However, you furrowed your brows as you noticed the secretary picking at his food from the corner of your eye. Unable to contain your curiosity, you turned to see him pushing aside all the greens in his container. Raising an eyebrow, you asked, "Saving the best for last?"

He chortled, "Like hell I am."

Realising what was going on, you scoffed, "Seriously? The great Royal Secretary Choi doesn't eat his vegetables? Even my brother eats his. You should be ashamed of yourself."

He sputtered, clearly embarrassed, and you snickered at how flustered he appeared over your teasing. Glaring at you, he retorted, "Is that any way to talk to the kind samaritan who just treated you to lunch?"

You shrugged. "I'll treat anyone who doesn't eat their veggies the same way, with discrimination. If you won't eat them, give them here, you big baby."

He pouted, about to hand them over until you added, "Siwoo's going to be so disappointed when he hears about this. He looks up to you and thinks of you as his role model, you know." You gasped, realising you had revealed something you hadn't meant to share, but all your regret dissolved when you saw his reaction to your words.

San's jaw dropped, and he quickly snatched the greens back, stuffing his face with them. "There, I finished them. You happy now?!"

You couldn't help but burst into laughter. In moments like this, you wondered how wonderful it would be if all men were like him. You admired how his eyes crinkled as he joined in your laughter. He could be so annoyingly cute and likeable. Gosh, you hated it. You hated how warm he was making you feel, hated how good it felt.

As the two of you calmed down from your giggles, the smiles remained on your faces. You finished the last of your food, neatly wrapped the lunchbox back up in his bag, and handed it to him. "Thank you, Royal Secretary Choi," you said, your voice sincere.

His heart skipped a beat at your genuine gratitude. With a nod of acknowledgement, he reached out to take the bag from you. Both your breaths hitched when your fingertips brushed against each other. The unexpected contact sent a small, electric jolt through you both, causing you to momentarily lock eyes.

San's eyes softened, filled with an emotion you couldn't quite place. The world seemed to pause, and for a fleeting moment, the two of you were the only ones that existed. You could feel your pulse quickening, the warmth of his touch lingering on your skin.

"You're welcome," he finally replied, his voice barely above a whisper. He took the bag, his fingers lingering a moment longer than necessary before pulling away.

You quickly looked down, trying to steady your racing heart. "I should get back to my studies," you said, standing up and smoothing out your clothes.

"Of course," he replied, standing up as well. "Take care, Scholar Moon."

With a final nod, you turned and walked away, feeling his gaze linger on your back. A small smile tugged at your lips as you wondered what it would be like if moments like these with him became a regular part of your life. You found your own thoughts baffling, as no man had ever made you feel such emotions before.

Could he possibly... be the only exception?

No, he could not.

You should have known better. Should have recognised the trouble he brought along despite his constant insistence on helping. Initially, you felt grateful for his frequent gestures, like bringing you lunch and accompanying you to pick up your brother from school during the rainy season, the three of you huddled under his umbrella—a sight that warmed your mother's heart.

For a while, it felt like being on Cloud 9. But in hindsight, you must have lost your mind to let him get so involved in your life. It seemed foolish to rely on him so much, to let him become so close to you and your family.

And inevitably, there were consequences.

You reached your breaking point when the bullying at your educational institution intensified. Rumours about you and the royal secretary spending time together spread like wildfire among your fellow scholars, leading to endless torment.

As you tried to leave the institution, hoping to find solace at home after enduring what felt like hours of torment, Namgil and his cronies blocked your path, their mocking laughter echoing around you like a cacophony of cruelty.

"Leaving so soon, Miss Smarty Pants? Off to see your beloved Royal Secretary Choi, I presume?" he jeered, his voice dripping with malice. "Who would've thought your success was all thanks to him? Must have made quite the deal to get him to treat you so well. Bet you're not so innocent anymore, huh?"

His words cut through you like knives, causing your steps to falter as you froze in place, the implications of his cruel insinuations hitting you like a ton of bricks. "Should've known," Namgil continued, his tone laced with venom. "All you women are good for is spreading your legs."

You felt a wave of humiliation wash over you, a burning rage rising up within you as you struggled to hold back tears. They had no idea what you had been through, the sacrifices you had made to get to where you were. But at that moment, all you could do was stand there, feeling utterly defenceless against their relentless cruelty.

Meanwhile, San couldn't shake off his growing concern for you. He hadn't caught sight of you all day, and his inquiries around the palace yielded no sightings of you either. The court ladies confirmed that you hadn't visited the palace at all, which only deepened his worry. You had never missed a day before, and the thought of you being sick or in trouble made his heart sink.

Leaving work that day, the extra lunch he had prepared for you still in his hands, he hurried over to your brother's school in hopes of finding you there. However, his heart sank further when he only found Siwoo waiting by the entrance as usual. The child's face lit up when he spotted the royal secretary.

"Hyung-nim! Did my noona send you here to pick me up today?" Siwoo asked eagerly. The royal secretary shook his head, his concern evident in his expression.

"No, Siwoo-yah. She hasn't been to the palace either. Do you know where her institution is?" San inquired. Your brother's expression turned worried, but he nodded.

"Yes, I do! Let's go find her!" Siwoo suggested, but San gently shook his head.

"No can do, you tell me where and I'll go. Your mother will worry if neither of you are home," San explained. The child reluctantly agreed, but not without making a request.

"Okay, but promise me you'll bring her back," Siwoo pleaded. The secretary gave him a reassuring smile and pinky promised him.

"Don't worry, I will."

As San approached your institution, relief washed over him when he spotted your familiar figure not too far from the main entrance. However, his relief quickly turned to concern when he noticed you weren't alone. Surrounding you were a group of male scholars, their expressions and body language indicating that the conversation was far from pleasant. His heart twisted uncomfortably at the sight of your wet eyes and defeated look. Were you being bullied?

With clenched fists, he stepped closer, his brows narrowing in anger as he overheard snippets of the conversation. It was clear that the group was making disparaging remarks about you. His blood boiled when he heard the leader of the gang suggesting that you had been selling your body in exchange for your success. How dare they?

These bastards.

While San understood that your previous encounters with men must have been unpleasant for you to harbour such a strong dislike for them, witnessing you being treated in such a manner was a first for him. It was no wonder you hated them so much; who could blame you? But he was here now, and he was determined to change that.

He stalked over, his towering and intimidating presence startling the scholars. "Are my ears deceiving me, or did I truly just hear such vile words coming from a scholar?" he demanded, his voice icy and authoritative. "Watch your words because rest assured, your headmaster will hear about this. Not only were you being misogynistic, but how dare you insinuate such despicable things about Scholar Moon? This woman has more integrity than all of you combined. She doesn't need any man's backing—not even mine—to get where she is today. She is fully capable of achieving that on her own, and I think you know that, given how your insecurity and jealousy are blatantly showing through your nasty actions."

The scholars' faces turned pale, their bravado evaporating in the face of the royal secretary's fury. He stepped closer, his fists clenched, ready to defend you from any further insults. The leader of the gang opened his mouth to retort but quickly thought better of it, swallowing his words and casting a nervous glance at his friends.

"L-let's go, guys," Namgil stuttered, bowing before scrambling away. They weren't stupid. This was His Majesty's royal secretary, and if he reported them to the king, they would face dire consequences. There was nothing to gain from angering him.

San turned his gaze to you, his eyes softening. "Are you okay?" he asked gently, his voice a stark contrast to the harsh tone he had just used.

Instead of a grateful nod like he had expected, you met him with a darkened expression. Taking deep breaths, you tried to hold back your tears and calm yourself down. When you remained silent, glaring at him, he sighed. "Was that too much? I—I'm sorry, I know you can defend yourself, but I just—"

You cut him off, speaking in a low voice, "This is all your fault, Choi San."

He froze, his heart clenching painfully at the last words he expected to hear from you. You continued, harshly wiping away stray tears with your sleeves, "If only you'd just leave me alone like I asked from the beginning… I've been bullied all my life, but the usual nonsense I could endure. Not once—never—had anyone ever implied something like that," you whispered the last part. "And it's all because of you. Haven't you done enough? If you truly want to help me, then please—god—please, just leave me alone."

With that, you walked out of the institution, leaving him reeling in shock and hurt at your words. This was not how he had imagined things would turn out.

San finally realised that maybe his sister had been right. If distancing himself would make you happier, he’d do it, even if it meant suffering from being away from you. From that day onwards, he would make sure to keep his distance, honouring your wish.

You went to your younger brother’s school that evening and were surprised to hear that he had already been picked up. Panicking, you rushed home and were relieved to see Siwoo safely at the entrance, waiting with your worried mother. He clung tightly to you as you stroked his hair.

"Who brought you home?" you asked softly.

He sniffled, "Sannie hyung-nim… he promised he’d bring you home, but he lied. You came home alone."

You sighed, holding the child closer as guilt slowly crept into your heart. "He didn’t lie, Siwoo-yah. He did come to me, but I was the one who left him."

Your mother watched you with concern, her eyes reflecting relief and confusion. She reached out, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. "What happened, dear?"

You hesitated, the weight of the day's events pressing down on you. "I— I just... he won't bother us again, mother. I made sure of that."

Siwoo looked up at you, his eyes wide with innocence and confusion. "But why, noona? He was so nice to us."

Tears threatened to spill from your eyes as you hugged your brother tighter. "It will protect us. It will make things easier."

You were aware that you were trying to convince yourself more than anyone else. But you would rather die than admit it. You were Scholar Moon, the first female scholar in Joseon, and you didn't need a man to survive. You never did, and you never would. Choi San was merely a hindrance, but he was now in the past. Things would finally return to normal. You would excel in your exams and fulfil your dreams. Everything would be fine.

Or would it really?

Days following that proved much harder than anticipated. The royal secretary had indeed left you alone, as you'd requested. While you should have been glad, a part of you felt irritated by his obedience. You resented that he hadn't fought harder, but you knew you had no one to blame but yourself. You felt difficult to deal with. Surely, a man as good as Choi San deserved someone better than you. He had gone above and beyond to help you for the past few months, yet all you gave him in return were harsh words you... likely didn't mean at all.

Wait, what even are these thoughts? None of that should matter; it's all in the past. You needed to focus on your studies.

With a massage of your temples, you attempted to reread the same sentence you had been struggling with for the past hour. However, endless thoughts of that stupid man kept resurfacing, haunting you and weighing heavy on your heart with an unpleasant feeling you wished would disappear. God, did you hate him. Why was he so annoying even when he wasn't around?

You hated how he consumed your thoughts.

Everywhere you turned in the palace, he lingered in your mind. Each time you picked up your brother, he intruded into your thoughts, and even passing by your educational institution's entrance reminded you of him. What was wrong with you? What had he done to you? You were fine before meeting him, and you would be fine now. You kept repeating this to yourself, but all resolve crumbled when you saw him approaching one morning in the palace. It was the first time seeing him since that day—the day you'd uttered those cruel words to him.

You froze, clutching your books tightly to your chest, bracing yourself for whatever words or actions he might deliver. However, your heart sank when he simply passed by with a respectful nod. Why did that sting so much? You had brought this upon yourself. The urge to chase after him was overwhelming, and you squeezed your eyes shut to suppress the longing.

Pull yourself together, this is for the best.

You didn't need him.

Or did you?

Why does it hurt so much?

The atmosphere between you and the royal secretary had shifted, turning awkward and strained. Everyone in the palace could sense the change, the tension that now defined your interactions—or rather, the lack thereof. The once easy camaraderie had vanished, replaced by uncomfortable silences and fleeting, cautious glances. It wasn't long before word reached Namgil, who seized the opportunity to make your life even more miserable. The bullying intensified, but you endured it all, determined to pass your final exam without incident.

Time flew by, even as you suffered.

You buried yourself in your studies, hoping to push him out of your mind. Every page you turned, every line you read, was an attempt to forget the way he made you feel. The palace corridors, once filled with the warmth of his ever-comforting presence, now echoed with your lonely footsteps and the quiet rustle of your books.

Days turned into weeks, and before you knew it, your final examination was approaching. The weight of the upcoming test pressed down on you, but it was a welcome distraction from the pain in your heart. You could still see him in the palace, still catch glimpses of his familiar figure in the distance, but the gap between you felt insurmountable.

On the eve of your exam, you found yourself in the palace library, surrounded by stacks of books and scrolls. The dim light of the lantern cast long shadows across the room, mirroring the shadows in your heart. You took a deep breath, trying to calm your racing thoughts.

Then, without warning, the door creaked open, and there he was. San, standing in the doorway, looking just as conflicted as you felt. Your heart skipped a beat, and for a moment, neither of you moved.

"Scholar Moon," he finally said, his voice low and hesitant. "I heard your final exam is tomorrow. I wanted to wish you luck."

You nodded, trying to keep your voice steady. "Thank you, Royal Secretary Choi."

He took a step closer, his eyes searching yours. "I know you asked me to leave you alone, but I just want you to know that I believe in you. You are more than capable of achieving your dreams."

Tears threatened to well up in your eyes, but you blinked them away. "I appreciate that," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.

For a moment, it seemed like he might say more, but then he simply nodded and turned to leave. As the door closed behind him, you felt a pang of regret. You had to fight everything in you to resist running after him, holding onto him, telling him how much you regretted everything, how wrong you had been, how much you… missed him.

No, stop it.

You took a deep breath and returned to your books, knowing that tomorrow's exam was the key to your future. You had to stay focused. You had to succeed, even if it meant pushing aside the feelings you couldn't quite shake.

The next morning, your mother smoothed your robes as you prepared to leave for the palace where the final examination would take place. Her hands were gentle, but the pride in her eyes was unmistakable.

"This is it," she whispered, a soft smile on her face. "All your hard work will pay off today. You will finally be someone in this land. The first female scholar-official in Joseon."

You nodded, taking a deep breath to steady your nerves. Today was the day you had worked so tirelessly for. Today, you would prove yourself.

"You look beautiful, noona!" Siwoo cheered, his excitement contagious.

You smiled down at your little brother, ruffling his hair. "Thank you, Siwoo-yah. I'll make you proud."

As you stepped outside, the morning sun casting a golden hue over the palace grounds, you felt a surge of determination. You wouldn't have time to think about a certain annoying man who had been invading your thoughts more than you cared to admit. You wouldn't let the memory of Choi San torment you more than Namgil and his friends ever could.

With each step towards the examination hall, you reminded yourself of your goals. You were Scholar Moon, the first female scholar in Joseon. You were about to make history.

As you entered the courtyard, the confident bounce in your step reflected the culmination of years of hard work and determination. You were oblivious to the devious grins Namgil and a few other scholars exchanged as their gazes followed your figure.

"There she is," Namgil sneered, nodding toward the bridge above the large pond that everyone would later cross to reach the examination hall. A wicked idea formed in his mind. "Remind me, boys. It would be impossible for someone with drenched clothes to participate in the final examination, is that correct?"

They snickered, immediately understanding his implication. "Yes, I think that is right."

You moved through the crowd, nodding to a few familiar faces, your mind already focused on the examination ahead. You had no idea that behind you, Namgil and his cronies were plotting to ruin everything you had worked all your life for.

As the time approached for the scholars to cross the bridge and enter the hall, you took a deep breath, steeling yourself for the challenge ahead. This was your moment, and nothing would stand in your way.

Or so you thought.

As you stepped onto the bridge, Namgil and his cronies moved into position. With a quick, coordinated push, you were sent plummeting into the pond below. The cold water enveloped you, and panic set in immediately. You flailed, trying to keep your head above water, but it was futile. "H-help! Please!"

Laughter erupted from above. Namgil and his friends stood at the edge of the bridge, their mocking laughter ringing in your ears.

"Oops! Looks like Scholar Moon won't be making history today," Namgil taunted, his voice dripping with malice.

"I... c-can't swim..."

Everyone froze, the courtyard falling silent as your bully's laughter ceased. The realisation hit them like a ton of bricks: the pond was much deeper than they had anticipated, and you couldn't swim. Your desperate cries for help echoed in the sudden stillness, turning their malicious prank into a potential tragedy.

Panic spread among the scholars as they realised what they had done. What began as sabotage could now be seen as attempted murder, and their futures hung in the balance. Namgil's face drained of colour as he watched you struggle, knowing full well the consequences of their actions.

Fortunately for you, and unfortunately for them, San happened to be dropping by to observe the examination. His heart plummeted at the sight before him. Without a second thought, he pushed through the panicked crowd of useless men and plunged into the pond, desperate to save you.

His strong arms wrapped around you, pulling you up from the depths. He swam with determined strokes, bringing you to the safety of the pond's edge. As he hoisted you onto solid ground, he checked for signs of life, his own breath coming in ragged gasps from the effort and fear.

You coughed and sputtered, expelling water from your lungs as you gasped for air. San's relieved expression melted into one of fierce protectiveness and anger. He turned to face the group of terrified scholars, his eyes blazing with fury.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded, his voice a low growl. "Do you have any idea what you almost did?"

Namgil and his friends could only stammer incoherent excuses, their earlier bravado replaced by sheer terror. The royal secretary's intervention had saved you, but it had also sealed their fate.

A few examiners rushed out just in time to witness the chaos, their expressions darkening at the sight of the guilty, terrified faces of Namgil and his cronies. Realising the gravity of their actions, the bullies pleaded for mercy as they were escorted away to face the consequences.

The royal secretary turned toward you, gently brushing aside the damp strands of hair that clung to your face, his touch tender. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, his concern evident in his expression.

Your lips quivered at the tenderness in his voice and the worry etched on his face. He was the first and only man to care so deeply for you, and you couldn't fathom how you had repeatedly pushed him away. But now, tired of denying your feelings, you couldn't hold back the tears that welled up in your eyes. With a broken sob, you shook your head. "No… I'm not," you whimpered, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your face in his shoulder.

He hesitated for a moment, startled by your sudden embrace, before returning it, enveloping you in his arms. "What's wrong? Tell me," he murmured, his voice laced with concern.

You sobbed harder, weakly hitting him. "It's you… y-you're so annoying, you know that? I hate it so much… hate that I love you."

He pulled back, wide-eyed, holding your shoulders at arm's length as he gazed into your tear-filled eyes. "Wh-what did you say…? This isn't a dream, is it?"

Through your tears, you chuckled at his reaction. "I finally muster the courage to confess to you, and that's your response?"

His smile broke through, the one you adored so much, the one where his eyes disappeared into slits, bringing warmth and comfort no matter how hard things got. Pulling you back into his arms, he stroked the back of your head. "I love you too..."

"How's your first day as a Scholar-Official, Moon?" inquired the royal secretary as you grinned at him. "It's going well, Royal Secretary Choi. Thank you for asking."

After he assisted you in petitioning His Majesty for another chance at your final examination, arguing that you were merely a victim of foul play, you were granted the opportunity. As anticipated, you passed with flying colours, ranking at the top of the batch. Finally, you held the prestigious title of scholar-official.

However, that wasn't the only change in your life. Choi San openly courted you, much to the king's approval, solidifying your status as a formidable power couple.

Leaning down to plant a kiss on your forehead, he smiled, "I'll see you after work."

You blushed and gently pushed him away. "Not here, please. But yes, I'll see you later."

As you left the palace after your day's work, you spotted a familiar face. Smiling, you greeted her, but your steps faltered when she bowed respectfully.

"Hi there. I remember you," you said, trying to recall where you had met her before.

She grinned knowingly. "Yes, it's good to see you again, Scholar-Official Moon. I suppose you believe my words about the royal secretary now, don't you? After all, you and he are the talk of the palace."

Your cheeks flushed, recalling that she had been the court lady to disclose San's identity during your initial encounter. You nodded awkwardly, trying to recover from your embarrassment.

She chuckled softly. "Well then, don't let me keep you. Royal Secretary Choi is waiting for you by the entrance."

Your heart soared at the sight of San standing by the entrance, just as the court lady had claimed. He was waiting for you, and the realisation filled you with an indescribable warmth. This wasn't just any man; this was your man. Yours alone. The sight of him, tall, handsome, kind, and caring, reaffirmed your feelings.

Without a second thought, you ran over, calling out, "Sannie!" He turned towards you, his face lighting up with that beam that never failed to make your heart race. His arms opened wide, and you leapt into them, feeling a rush of joy at being in his embrace.

"I missed you, honey," he whispered, his voice filled with affection.

You pressed your lips against his, relishing the moment as his response came swiftly, his kiss soft and reassuring. Pulling back slightly, a smile played on your lips, your heart dancing with joy. "I missed you too, my big baby," you teased.

"Come on, remember you wanted to learn more about my past?" you said, chuckling at the pout on his face as you pulled away.

He nodded eagerly, and you took his hand, leading him towards a place you hadn't visited in a long time.

"So, this was the root of your hatred for men…" he murmured, his gaze fixed on your father's grave as you stood beside him. You had just finished recounting everything that had transpired, from the beginning of your existence to the hardships you endured to reach where you are today.

"Yes, but you showed me that not all men are the same," you replied softly, your voice tinged with gratitude.

He gently squeezed your hands, turning to face you with a serious expression. "And I won't stop showing you. I promise I'll be different from your father and every other man you've encountered. I'll protect you and your family as if they were my own. I'll strive to be the best husband to you and father to our future child. You'll never have to suffer alone again. I'm here for you," he whispered, his forehead resting against yours.

You chuckled softly through your tears, nodding in response. "That's amusing… I don't recall agreeing to be your wife just yet. What are you talking about, Choi San?"

He let out a playful whine, "Hey! You—wait... you said 'yet' though, so that means... you will eventually, right?" he asked hopefully.

Teasingly, you stuck your tongue out at him before turning and running away. But deep down, you knew that no matter how far you went, he would always be there to catch you.

Of course, you idiot.

Holy crap, I was gone for like 2 weeks and I return to 1.85k+ followers?! ASDFGHJKL thank you all so much😭

Anyway, I hope this was decent, y'all... I swear, I didn't plan for this part to be so freaking long HAHA but I just felt like it would take quite a bit for her hatred to turn into love hehe I hope the ending didn't feel rushed or anything :3

As always, thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts! ❤️

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[kalims]

— MALLEUS DRACONIA | pasilyo

or, sometimes you forget how many decades behind malleus is in slang. in comparison to lilia out of all people, he's like a very clueless innocent individual.

cw. very comical miscommunication (not the bad kind in romantic stuff heh)

wc. 1.4k

note. I can't stop thinking about malleus who really just doesn't get modern slang. this is a small treat ^^

can I get a 'heyy' from my fellow filo babes who know where the title is from

"no way," you gasp. "shut up!" a large smile encases your face, one that you try to contain with a futile cover of the mouth—malleus however jolts in confusion, his brows furrow in what it seems to be concern. he looks like a very confused, kicked puppy (or dragon?) overall.

out of expression, you slap his arm without a hint of aggression but he seems more bothered by your words than the.. hit that didn't seem to phase him at all.

malleus ponders deeply on what had gone wrong, and what he had said. you are laughing right now but your words sounded like you were upset (well not exactly your tone but your words itself,) he frowns, he feels very lost right now.

plus since you are his very special friend he despises you being upset. more so, him being the reason for it.

your laughing gradually decreases once you realizes that there's no one responding to you but the silence. a flicker of concern flashes in your eyes at malleus' very serious expression. "uh.. is something wrong..?" you ask nervously.

even though you're absolutely sure that he heard you malleus stays silent—tense as though he's being held hostage, looking more uncertain each passing second.

"hello?" you try.

you deflate. what is wrong with this man? where is the restart button? you cross your arms over your chest and raise a brow, at the still not speaking malleus.

at times you don't understand malleus and that's a given since even lilia had to go up to tell you that malleus was trying to impress you with fae customs but it's not like you knew that—and not that malleus knew the difference between culture of human and fae separately.

so yeah. there was no way you were gonna realize that the time malleus was trying to convince you to live in a tower with him was basically akin to a.. marriage of sorts? since married couples usually live in the same area, for fae it's the same.. or.. dragons? minus the ring and ceremony.

also apparently that was more important than an actual wedding ceremony?!

to others it was torture to watch you and malleus go back and forth—you trying to ask him out the normal, human way. and malleus trying to bound you to him eternally in the non-normal, fae way. you've lost count on how many times you heard sebek emit the most manly screech you've ever heard when he just so happens to stumble upon his lord..

doing.. courting rituals..

to you.

"M-MALLEUS-SAMA! HAS THIS HUMAN TRICKED YOU?!"

"WHY ARE YOU SHEATHING YOUR SWORD SEBEK—"

anyone could guess which scream belonged to who.

well whatever! point is tsunotaro seems to be unresponsive to you right now for some odd reason. have you done something wrong? (this is very ironic since malleus is also thinking the same.) all you did was slap his arm—oh my god did he get offended by that?

out of realization your eyes widen as your arms retract and hang by your sides uselessly. you look straight in his eyes and say; "I am so sorry," with furrowed brows and genuinely apologetic eyes malleus is struggling to keep up with your first request.

like that time he legit just stormed the diasomnia fridge, stole some poor student's tub of ice cream and high tailed it to your dorm because you were supposed to eat a cone yourself but was unable to due to the work load crowley had dumped you (honestly, what's new?)

so in a way it made you sad because damn was ice cream good. instead of it melting away your troubles it actually did melt instead.

because of some crow.

all just because he would go around the world for you if you asked.

(some cheesy part of you would imagine him going around you because how nice would it be if he saw you as his world? though if you did that to him instead and call him your world you reckon he'll take a few minutes of explaining before getting it.)

in the end malleus breaks. his will to oblige your request just fades in the back of his mind because he does not know why you're apologizing to him for no reason when clearly, he's the one that upset you! "my child of man.. you aren't the one at fault," he looks at you like he's sorry. "it is i,"

what.

now you're confused. "uh.. wait what?" didn't you just hit him? was he not mad about that even though your little slap probably didn't even make him feel anything? "didn't I just hit you?"

his face contorts into suprise. "oh really?" he mumbles. even though there's not much shock after you can tell he has no idea what you're talking about.

now you're even more confused! if he's not upset with that then what was he being all silent treatment about? malleus shrugs at you. "even so, I don't mind. you can hit me as many times as you'd like, I can take it," he says seriously.

you splutter. WHAT. you were literally just listening to him spill tea a couple minutes ago.. that sounds so wrong on many levels and you don't even wanna consider what he's saying because one, that's just weird! and two, sebek would literally strangle you.

and both you and malleus would not like you being strangled like that.

"what. just stop, please," you raise a hand and he immediately shuts up. "what are you talking about? you didn't do anything wrong." you deadpan.

this time he tilts his head. "you told me to shut up didn't you? so I merely did as you told—" he says casually. which baffles you all the more because this is starting to sound insane! did he actually take it literally.

malleus is so pure sometimes.

so pure that you can't help but stifle a giggle. and it takes you a couple of seconds of just containing your laughs to speak again. "i- pfft.. I was just joking," you manage to say in between laughs.

oh that was a joke? he should consult with lilia to tell him all about the current trendy jokes. "oh,"

you realize he probably didn't know what you were saying so you take it upon yourself to explain. "um.. it's like,, an expression of disbelief and uh.. amazement?" you explain. cringing at your horrible explanation, it just isn't your forte.

malleus still nods attentively. listening to every word you say. "I see, thank you. my child of man, I will make sure to utilize this new knowledge," he smiles at you in a way you just can't resist.

malleus is very endearing but..

that sounds.. kind of concerning.

ㅤ

and take it to play does he.

"malleus-sama, have you heard?" sebek chimes in with a certain glint in his eyes. lilia chuckles at the clear excitement of his dearest sun from the kitchen counter.

someone get him out of the kitchen.

malleus hums thoughtfully, should he get lilia to wrap the dinner for you as well? you must be hungry. "heard what?" he answers a moment later.

"the southern lights will shine upon briar valley this year. shan't we visit soon?!"

sebek is true though. if the southern lights really is going to shine upon briar valley then malleus would like to take you there. just so you could see the beauty of it. (and perhaps, he could spend more time relishing in the beauty of you and your existence.)

seeing it will be an experience for sure. though he's seen countless southern lights malleus looks forward to it this year.

plus.. his heart warms at the thought of his people being able to witness it.

a thought pops into his mind.

"shut up,"

malleus says it so monotonously, without any emotion whatsoever that silence stretches across the room in an uncomfortable fog, and if anyone listens closely they can hear crickets.

a cloud of shame washes over sebek's face as his mouth clamps shut. lilia pauses (saving himself from a deep cut because anyone can tell that he's cutting the carrots way too big.) and raises his brow.

"now malleus—,"

sebek bows repeatedly before bolting out of the room with a trail of stormy clouds following him comically.

"what was that all about? look at what you've done. you've upset sebek,"

that's what he thought with you as well. the things you've taught him is surely working right now, no?

ah yes.. next time you meet he should ask you about more of this strange languange.

note. MY FINGERS ARE SO TIREDD

not proofread

ko-fi

[r0-boat]

I'm genuinely surprised how many people would work a part-time job in hell This is for you

Whb Demon Kings discovering that MC is working a part-time job

Satan

It's like when your bestie pulls up on your lunch to bother your ass. This motherfucker would go through the drive-thru on His motorcycle to fuck with you and try to get your number with a stupid ass smile in his face. You're demon co-workers fucking cackling their ass off as Satan pretends he doesn't know you So he can get your number. He becomes friends with all of your co-workers. Wants to hang out with you and all of your coworkers after work.

Mammon

Mammon.exe stopped working

does not compute

working a job that pays pretty much pennies. Like why???? He genuinely cannot comprehend??? If you wanted a job okay he will provide you all of the greatest jobs that he could offer. Not even that-if you want money, he will gladly pay and give you an allowance if that's what you want. Is it because you're bored? Oh yes, it must be because you just want the experience of working like a commoner As well as gets even more money! Oh yes very greedy indeed..., of course; how could he have possibly not thought of that before?

Leviathan

"I don't care"

He has stayed up all night knowing your schedule. He knows that you've been hiding something from him. Jokes on you; he already knows about your stupid fucking secret. How dare you keep that from him!!! After he did a background check on the company, The employees, the manager, and any customer that spoke more than A few words to you on your first shift. He even comes in as a customer because he got jealous of how many devils that aren't him you see daily at your shift.

Beelzebub

You're most frequent customer, orders everything He can or request anything just to keep you in his gaze. Honestly he doesn't really do anything besides be there to watch you. And he tips you. He's there so often that your co-workers recognize him and frequently joined in to the workplace gossip. Probably has inside jokes from there too. Honestly the first king to realize you had a part-time job and he was extremely chill about it. He does ask when you get off every single day because he wants to take you somewhere after work.

Lucifer

He would rather you work under him and if he ever want to change your jobs he will pay much more and give you any amount of hours you want any days off you want. But if you say no not like he'll be upset. If you're happy with your job then who is he to stop you. But his proposition will always be open.

If you do work under him... ;)

Belphegor

Part of him is upset that you won't spend time with him as much but another part of him is excited. You're such a hard worker. He heard from other demons that humans like working he didn't know it was He only knows about an inkling of what the other kings are liked you even with Mammon's giant piggy bank of gold you still want to work? Respect.

He really likes that drive. Don't mind him if he (tries) to give you a massage after work.

[botanical-babes]

CW: political cults, Jessie Gender, if you wanna stop hearing about her then scroll on

this is about why this cancelling is not like all other cancellings :V

Someone (not vagueing, i literally just dont remember the url as i post this, u can @ urself if u wanna lol) asked, validly, why people are so upset over Jessie Gender when she has barely any following, and not someone like Hasanabi who has a much bigger following.

And I think the reason a lot of us feel betrayed by Jessie is that she WASNT a politics channel. For all the "Lefttube" cult* (we will revisit this) changed her, she used to stick mostly to stellar commentary on Star Trek and very personal trans issues. This is what I think most of us loved from her before all this -- I think the Sex in Star Trek series being abandoned for all this shit is just a tragedy, for one. SO many Jews love Star Trek. It is perhaps one of the quintessentially Jewish shows of all time. And now she stabs us in the back -- et tu, Brute?

But I think the other thing is that we've actually just witnessed someone be subsumed into a political cult and watched them post one of the most bigoted things they have ever posted, as a result. :(

For a long time, I have watched what we know as LeftTube/BreadTube/etc start to grow, and I thought it started off fine enough, a group of creators similar enough that they started to become friends, show on each others channels, and collaborate.

But lately, and I think I noticed it especially with Foreign Man, I just feel like ... when someone gets accepted into the LeftTube clique, they undergo this process of Leftist sanitization and brainwashing into talking about a really specific loop of topics in a real specific kinda way. Its hard to talk about without visual examples, because like. Pre-Breadtube Foreign Man videos feel very different to the hyper-polished post-Breadtube videos in a way that shows he had to learn how to walk and talk and look like the rest of the group.

Its to a point that if you dont do that, they do ostracize you and treat you like you're stupid, like they did to Kidology who I think deserved private guidance and not a mass public shaming like she's an idiot instead of confused and working with some bad theory. I think F.D. had a responsibility to educate her on trans issues, and he actively made the decision not to because "I wont debate the rights of trans people, that makes me a bad ally." Like no, not educating others when you're in a position to do so makes you a bad ally. That's just one example of another minor but telling issue around Lefttube and how they operate.

And ... idk, I think for me there is an aspect of mourning the loss of a person to a political cult that comes with me leaving Jessie Gender behind. I genuinely don't think she can understand her bigotry until she steps back and puts being a leftist and "on the right side of history" lower on her priority list underneath "looking at the big picture and realizing how I am impacting other people."

We need to start talking more about Leftist political cults. Because I think we are looking at a lot more of them than we currently wanna recognize. And I think the video essay sphere of Breadtube is one of em. (I dont know enough about debate bro lefties to know if that has the same problem.)

[luxlightly]

Thoughts on Omeluum vs the Emperor

I love that Omeluum exists as a character for many reasons. It's a fantastic character, even given the very small role it plays in the story. It gives us a context that sets up the reveal of the Emperor later, the idea an illithid can (and would likely want to) escape from the Grand Design. It's also just a good person who genuinely wants to help people and cares deeply about his research (and implied possibly romantic) partner, Blurg. But, unlike the Emperor, it is very distinctly illithid. It doesn't behave in a human manner. It doesn't speak in a human manner, it doesn't emote in a human manner. It doesn't feel in a human manner. But it is a good person. It doesn't need to be at all human to be a good person. It is undeniably illithid in everything about it, but it defies the social structure that Elder Brains impose on illithid and therefore does not reflect the values we might expect from an illithid. It's not manipulative. It's not dishonest. It never hides who or what it is or what its intentions are. It's not selfish. In fact, it will try to convince you to save Duke Ravengard in the Iron Throne, at the expense of its own life, because it knows the Duke has more of a capacity to help people than it does. But it never becomes more "human". It doesn't need to. Because it doesn't have to be human to be a good person. Compare that to the Emperor, who constantly insists how different he is from other mind flayers, who constantly compares himself and the player character. He speaks, emotes, and acts very human. He still considers himself to be the same person he was before his ceremorphosis. But he is a bad person. He is manipulative. He is dishonest. He lies to the player character constantly, never giving them the whole truth and, when lies don't work, he resorts to threats, then outright violence. And he is, more than anything, selfish. He cares more about preserving his own life than anything and will betray even those closest to him in order to do so. He kills first and rationalizes it afterwards. Despite not being a slave to an Elder Brain, he is everything the Grand Design desires that illithid should be, save for obedient, though he's more than willing to submit to the Absolute the second he feels like his life could be in danger from not doing so. It gives great insight to him as a character and the way that, in basically all things, he acts the way that benefits him, then finds a way to justify it afterwards, both to others and to himself. He didn't tell you he was a mind flayer because you would have killed him. Except that, from your interaction with Omeluum, he could have clearly seen you wouldn't have. He insists that his constant manipulation is just his nature, yet we clearly see with Omeluum that that nature is not set in stone and does not have to be manipulative to the point of maliciousness. It's not being a mind flayer that made Balduran this way, it was his own personality. Which is why he desperately wants the player to make the same choices he did, to agree that they are the same. He's convinced himself he was forced into every horrible decision of his life or that it was inevitable. Which is why he gets so upset when you deviate from the path he himself took. Because you, like Omeluum, prove that it wasn't nature that made the Emperor, it was conscious choices that he tries to retroactively justify. Ironically, if you don't buy into his lies, he eventually tells you he'll resort to force to make you "accept your potential". He needs so badly to believe you would make his mistakes that he'd force you to.

[eldritchcreatureofwords]

I'm a little tired of seeing the 'Stolas should have defended Blitz at Ozzies!!!!' posts/takes. 1. Blitz caused that entire situation. Start to finish. He wasn't supposed to be there, he wasn't there under genuine pretenses, and he shouldn't have said anything when Moxxie was coming under fire.

But but but, you say, Moxxie was being bullied! Blitz was standing up for his friend!!!! He's protective that way!!!! You aren't wrong, but if you notice, Moxxie doesn't actually seem that upset or flustered by what Ozzie and Fizz are doing. After they go after him the first time, he continues singing his original song, not changing a thing, fully unintimidated. Moxxie is a sweet, sensitive boy, but he's also strong, smart, and not a delicate little princess. He's not happy he's under fire and being mocked, he's upset his moment is being bashed and ruined, but he's also standing his ground and dealing with it.

Blitz had good intentions but he only escalated a situation further and made everything much worse, as well as bringing the fire towards himself- and his red buttons are much bigger and easily pressed then Moxxie's. (Also, if you watch Moxxie's face, he looks horrified when Blitz speaks up. It's very, very possible that he knows Verosika is there already (and that's part of why he didn't want Blitz there.) 2. Stolas did get up to help. Go and watch Ozzie's again guys. He rises when Verosika gets Blitz backed against the stage, pupils showing, concerned and upset. Everything about his body language after that suggests he fully intends to step in. I've seen people accuse Stolas of trying to sneak out during this moment, and if you pay even an iota of attention that's clearly wrong.

Then, he is dragged into the spotlight. Called out, put under a microscope, and physically, bodily manhandled. Stolas is shy. He is introverted. He has been kept isolated from basically everyone his entire life. He's terrified of losing his daughter. He's ashamed of what happened to him. He's a mother fucking abuse survivor. And now he is being called out, confronted, and harassed over something he's just barely coming to terms with himself.

Of course he didn't react super well to that. Of course he wasn't the white knight blazing in to save Blitz.

What did ya'll who think this want him to do, stand up, yell I LOVE BLITZ THE IMP AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS????? at the top of his lungs, magically shedding every ounce of trauma, changing his personality to a brazen extrovert, and learning a lifetime of social skills all in that one moment through the power of love? He hid behind his menu because he is shy. He is scared. He is traumatized. Not because he's ashamed. But because all ya'll are so focused on Blitz, on his trauma and his hurt (and he is traumatized and hurt, and he has the right to be, and no one is downplaying that) that you're choosing to overlook Stolas's in favor of just saying he's a big ol' mean meanie. And finally:

3. Blitz brought that night on himself. Look, I'm sorry. Blitz wasn't supposed to be there. He had many, many opportunities to rethink his rash, impulsive, hasty choices that night. Many, many chances to reconsider lying to his situationship, taking advantage of Stolas's naive eagerness to be around him, sneaking into a place his friends don't want him to be, speaking up in defense of Moxxie- all of it. I am not saying he deserved what happened. I am saying that he brought Stolas there under false pretenses, went somewhere he wasn't supposed to go, and then stirred the pot. He did this because he's traumatized. Because he's lonely. because he's protective. Because he's desperately and not mentally well and hurting deeply and doesn't think Stolas sees him as anything but a fuck toy- or at least, wants to think that. Doesn't dare hope it could be more because he's not allowed to have more.

But he still did it.

[lovrily]

hi :) could you do steve x shy reader at like a party or something and steve is her boyfriend who is super flirty but she's never had a boyfriend before so she's nervous bc he's being flirty?? i hope this makes sense 😭 thank you!!

it makes so much sense! i hope this is good! fem!reader | 2000 words | suggestive but no smut

"we should leave."

you look up from the fire, a marshmallow melting on the metal skewer you're holding. "really? why?"

steve shrugs. "let's do it."

"why?" you laugh. you're not disappointed; you wouldn't mind going back to his place and getting in pajamas, where it's quiet and familiar. but it had taken a lot of convincing on steve's part to get you to come to the bonfire in the first place, so you're surprised he would want to leave so early. he'd even convinced you to wear your bathing suit, although you'd worn his shirt over it for most of the night.

he hasn't answered.

"are you upset?" you ask quietly.

"no, it's not that." he smiles at you, a little crookedly. "sorry, babe."

"it's okay," you laugh. when you flip your skewer around and bite into the marshmallow, he inhales- bending down to pick up your purse. when you bite the rest of it off the tip of your thumb, his nostrils flare.

your eyes flash wide. "what?"

"nothing. you wanna go? we don't have to."

"yeah, but-"

"i got you, then. my car's out front. did you know that?"

he's murmuring and grinning like a fool. yeah, he jokes again, this time in your ear. let me take you home. you can't help but laugh.

there's a small chorus of friendly but mostly unfamiliar girls around the fire who whine various lines like, no, don't take her yet! or, leave her with us! and while you're flattered that so many people have taken a liking to you in one night, you're perfectly relieved to go home.

steve puts his hand on your back while you weave through the small crowd. his friends holler at him, trying to say goodbye, and he waves back at them, every gesture noncommittal. the sky is a murky, midnight blue, the sun completely gone. you're gawking at him by the time you've hiked back to the empty section of the field where you parked, a handful of other empty cars around you.

"are you sure nothing's wrong?"

"wrong?" he scoffs. "no, nothing's wrong."

"you're scaring me."

he opens the passenger's door and leans on it, smiling. "you're ridiculous."

"what!"

once you're inside, he shuts the door and hauls around to the driver's seat, shutting it and locking it behind him. the breadth of his shoulders blocks the moon, his hair fluffy and dark, mostly towel-dried after swimming. you lean away and he's watching you- so you're tempted to lean back over and just let him do whatever it is he's planning to do. but you're genuinely rather confused, so you hold your ground against the seat. it's cold against your back, even in the dead of summer.

"your hair is still wet," steve murmurs.

"i know. sorry, i'm getting it on your seats."

he reaches over and takes a section of your hair in his fingers. "babe, you know i don't care."

"i know."

he's still smiling.

"what is your problem?" you nearly shriek.

then you're laughing, and he's laughing even harder, and then he kisses you, and you're very, very quiet.

he's still grinning. his fingertips rake against the back of your neck, at your hairline, careful not to yank at the wet strands there. his thumb skids over your cheek, your face still slightly damp, your skin too-clean and sensitive and a little cold.

"are you cold?" he says suddenly.

"no," you breathe. not now.

you pull away, dizzy. he breathes hard, beaming at you, but he doesn't look nervous. he's steve. he doesn't get nervous doing stuff like this. especially not with you.

why would he, with you? he's your first boyfriend. he doesn't have to impress you, if he doesn't want to. maybe you're not very impressive, either. every time he kisses you, you feel like you're going to pass out. that's not very cool girl of you.

now is not the time to be feeling insecure, but the feeling has already set in- even after he wraps his right arm around your waist and hauls you over to the driver's seat. you squeal as he sits you on his lap, grabbing his keys from the console and putting them in the ignition behind you. the heat comes on in a dull wave.

he's about to kiss you again, and then he stops, pulling wet, knotted strands of hair away from your eyes as you loom over him, not fully settled.

"you okay?" he asks.

"yeah," you try to say confidently. it's more of a wheeze.

"yeah?"

"yeah."

he smirks, and it might look a little evil if he wasn't so sweet.

"can i kiss you?"

it's the stupidest question you've ever heard. he's practically gloating.

"again?"

he gawks at you, laughing. "again, yeah."

"you want to?"

you're not even sure why you say it. but you do, and at first, steve just snickers quietly. then his smile goes a little crooked and his brows knit together. and he says-

"of course i do."

you swallow. "okay." be cool. "do it."

that was not cool in the slightest.

steve watches you, leaning back a little bit, like you're something to examine. you fight the urge to wrench your eyes shut. one of his hands lands softly on your hip, and the other comes up to rub your arm, warm over the thin tan sleeve of his waffle shirt.

"are you okay?" he asks. this time, he really means it.

"yeah," you nod. "i'm okay."

"but you're hovering."

"i'm what?"

"sweetheart," steve laughs softly, letting go of you for a moment. you droop a bit, and realize he's right. "you're not sitting."

"you can't just ask a girl to sit on you, harrington."

he looks like he might laugh, but he doesn't- his expression oddly serious for the night. "did i do something?"

"no!"

you finally lock eyes with him, and he looks so worried that guilt blooms in your gut. just be honest.

"i don't know, sometimes...i just get nervous. when we're together."

your words seem to wound him, but he's listening intently. "okay."

he brings his hand back to your arm, tracing lines on your skin over the fabric of his shirt.

"i...haven't had a boyfriend before," you say. it's not a shock- he knows. "you're my first. for everything."

he nods. "my luck is crazy."

"sure," you scoff, but his face is gravely serious. "i just worry sometimes that you're going to realize i'm not worth it. sometimes, when you...when you kiss me, or...touch me, i just get scared you're going to realize i'm not what you want. you could have someone who's less nervous. or who's been with other people before."

someone who isn't me.

you're a little horrified once you've said all of it. steve just watches you, crickets chirping outside the car, the heater blowing by your waist and over your elbows. his hands go still, and his face crumples, like he'd cut himself on something sharp. his mouth falls open a little bit.

"honey," he laments.

"i know. sorry-"

steve leans forward and wraps his arms around you, pinning your biceps to your sides at first, not weaving your limbs with his. you both inhale. he squeezes you, your head drooping onto his shoulder, and then he pulls you away and loops his hands through your sides; where you finally sit on his lap, thighs brushing against the console and the door. he holds you around your stomach and puts one hand on the back of your head, holding you to his neck. the scent of sunscreen and bug spray laundry detergent make it more real; his hands warm and dry from swimming, his neck tan from being in the sun. the entanglement of you both is a heavy weight on the seat.

you breath in again and exhale. he's real, and he loves you, even when it's hard to believe it.

"are you kidding me, sweetheart? are you joking?"

"no," you laugh, voice muffled at his neck, but he doesn't in return.

"you should have told me that before. i feel like i'm gonna be sick."

"steve!"

he squeezes you once more and plants a kiss to the top of your head, then one on your forehead. his palms meet your cheeks and he tilts your head back, your arms wrapped around his neck.

"i don't want anyone but you," he says earnestly. "there is no one i want to be with but you. it doesn't even cross my mind. it's not an option."

you might cry. he wipes his thumb over your cheek, now hot as an iron.

"you're it for me," he says plainly. "okay?"

"okay."

"do you believe me?"

"yes," you nod, embarrassed.

he shakes his head at you, expression still pained. it's almost comedic how awful he feels, but you feel even worse for bringing it up.

"i'm sorry."

"don't," he retorts. "no. don't be. c'mere."

you lean forward and kiss him this time, and he's happy about it; the palms on your cheeks sliding back into your hair and over your ears, drowning out the sounds of the field like a fishbowl. all you hear is him. all you feel is him.

"i love you," he murmurs, kissing your lips- and then the tip of your nose, and then your chin and the crook of your neck. "you're my girl. i love you. there's no one else."

you melt like ice cream, slumped in his hands. what else can you do?

"steve..." you whisper.

"mhm?"

"let's go home."

his response is delayed. he kisses the crook of your neck again, then closer to your collarbone. when you inhale sharply, he leans back, screwing his eyes shut.

"but we have to drive all the way there."

"you're the one who wanted to go home in the first place!" you beam, amused at his grimace.

"home is far," steve utters. "you're here. right now."

you're going to die if he keeps talking like that. so you climb off of him and drop ungracefully into the passenger's seat, clicking your seatbelt into place. steve groans.

"oh, that's evil."

"take me home, harrington."

he sits there for a second, and then shakes his head; running his hands over his eyes and his hair, black against the night. his laughter is a quiet rumble.

"you're killing me. you don't even get it."

"what'd i do?"

his head is still in his hands. "you don't even have to do anything. you're just sitting there, and you're driving me insane. it's embarrassing. it's bad for my reputation."

"take me home, steve."

you're trying to be firm, but you're smiling. it's impossible not to. steve sighs once, then sits up, putting the car in reverse.

"you need to watch for cops, at this point, sweetheart, because i'm going to go fifty over until we get home."

you consider saying something snide in return, but honestly, you'd be perfectly happy if he did.

[thatlgbtqfandom]

I've watched a few interviews with the cast and crew of Good Omens and can I just say that, as someone who was a BBC's Sherlock fan back when it was still airing, it makes me so incredibly happy to finally have a show that not only doesn't queerbait (yes, the bar is in hell), but where the actors seem genuinely happy with and open about the queer direction the show is going in, and where they don't shame the fans for also being happy about this development. I just watched an interview with Michael Sheen where he, almost unprompted, brought up fanfiction and said that he thinks that it's a shame that people used to be weird about fanfiction because he thinks it's amazing and shows a love for the show. And... as someone who kind of still gets upset whenever I'm reminded of certain interviews and panels with the cast and crew of Sherlock (if you were in the fandom I'm sure you know which ones I'm talking about), this unabashed celebration of queer joy from the cast and crew of a big show like this is just something I could never have imagined as a young, queer fan!

I get that there are different circumstances, Sherlock fans could definitely be a lot sometimes, and maybe it's cruel of me to compare shows like this. But I genuinely believe that Sherlock did some actual damage to my (and many others') trust in media and in creators. It's one of the main reasons I absolutely didn't believe Our Flag Means Death would do what it did even when I was seeing it play out before my very eyes. It's why I didn't believe Crowley and Aziraphale would ever even come close to actually expressing their feelings for one another despite all of the queer subtext in season 1 and despite the cast and crew calling it a love story. Maybe all of this even added to my suspicions that they weren't going to follow through because we've all been let down time and time again.

And I'm not trying to pin the fault of queerbaiting solely on Sherlock and the team behind it - I am aware that there were many other big shows and movies that also queerbaited at the time. But out of all of those shows, I mainly watched Sherlock and it, along with the interviews with the cast and crew, were my main points of reference for what to expect regarding queer representation in (especially mainstream) media at the time. Which is why I'm mainly using Sherlock as an example of this unfortunate trend.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that with all of these shows now subverting our very, very low expectations for what kind of space queer characters and queer stories are allowed to occupy in (especially mainstream) media, I feel like my teenage self is starting to heal just a bit. But, both back then and in hindsight, I'm also completely baffled that a few shows in the late 2000s and early 2010s were able to get away with the shit they were pulling and completely ruin young, queer fans' trust in both creators and in their own media literacy.

[0mysticmidnight0]

hey so how do you think Donnie would deal with him being upset over something and he doesn’t want to interact with anybody, but his s/o comes in and just sits in the room with him on the far side of the room and looks at their phone after asking if he’s ok and he says he wants to be left alone? They don’t push him into physical affection or make him talk and they don’t leave him either. If he asks at all about this once he’s calmed, s/o is like “You’ve not seen me get upset over something like you did yet, but I’m similar when I’m upset. I don’t want to be left alone completely, but I need to unwind from stimulation. I’m here if you need me”. S/o smiles softly at him?

I can relate a lot to this one! I'm sure most people do! So, it would be my pleasure to do this for you!!

A Genius has his problems

-A week of no sleep and failed experiments were uncommon for Donnie. He'd usually get it right away! Why was he having so many problems? A fight with Leo just ruined him even more.. and being called an egg-headed weirdo wasn't too pleasant of a morning for Donnie. -He was stressed and overstimulated and STRESSED and angry (at Leo), did i mention stressed? He was in his lab when you came for a surprise visit. You just so happen to catch him tinkering with one of his inventions and it explodes in his face.. He grabs a pillow and shoves his face in it before letting out a loud groan... -He sees you looking at him then sitting on the other side of the room. He was rather confused. He though you were gonna talk to him, scream even. But you were quiet.. After a small while he hears you say something in a soft voice. "Are you okay..?" He looks down and mumbles something out. "Leave me alone.." -You simply look at him and turn back to your phone, scrolling through whatever. He sighs as he lays his head on his table. An hour or two of him watching some relaxing videos and actually getting sleep, he turns to you. " About earlier, How come you stayed? Why didn't you leave? Why were you so quiet-" He was shortly cut off by the sound of you laughing and smiling at him. "Hey, you may not have seen me upset before.. but i act very similar to how you did. Even if i say i want to be left alone, in reality, i don't want to be left entirely alone." -He sees your smile and he smiles back genuinely in weeks.. To your surprise he hugs you. You hug him back. BONUS! (aftermath) After you talked to Donnie, you got a text from Mikey.. I think the others misunderstood Mikey's explanation.. Mikey: I don't know what you said to Donnie but i'm glad he started eating with us again! Thank you! I told everyone what happened! I saw you go into Donnie's lab and he made some weird noises..But then both of you came out smiling!! Idk why everyone's looking at me weird tho.. Thanks a lot! :)

You have one new message from Donatello! Donatello sent a photo! Donnie: We have a few problems.

Hope you enjoyed this as much as i did!! From: MysticMidnight

[sasoriis]

The final chapter of MHA was bittersweet, hopeful, but with enough realism to remind us that life can still be mundane, underwhelming, painful. Honestly, this was a pleasant surprise to me as someone who saw this series as excessively optimistic at times. I wasn't expecting the epilogue chapters to go the way they did, and while I don't think the execution was perfect, I appreciate Hori for making the effort.

To get my complaints out of the way, I wish there had been more time for Deku and Bakugou to talk - about the apology, about Bakugou's death, about how their feelings about one another had evolved over the course of the series, or at the very least had more internal monologues. Deku in particular felt so...distant? Bakugou is my favorite character, so I'm probably the most hung up over him. He went through this incredibly traumatic experience, but we never see if and how this affected him (certainly, it had to have). At the same time, he's the type to keep his most personal thoughts and feelings private, he's also less about verbal expression and more about actions, so I can understand Hori's choice to an extent...but idk, that's where the internal monologue could have really helped.

Similarly, it's quintessential Bakugou (presumably) to secretly save the money for Deku's suit for such a long time. IMO that level of gift-giving plays right into his strengths and was an incredibly significant gesture given what we know about him as a character. Perhaps he doesn't have the words, but he can show, very clearly, to Deku that he can finally return the same admiration and deep affection that Deku always held for him. It isn't explicitly canon, but it's enough for me, it's more than I was expecting, actually.

Initially, Deku's ending made me sad. And I think it still does to some extent. He saved the world, and the world, for the most part, moved on. But that's reality. For many IRL helping professions, this is the routine - doctor's save lives, therapists successfully intervene in crises, the work day ends with lives irreversibly change, and then we wake up the next day to start it all over again. I've seen complaints that Deku lost his dream, didn't have a "becoming Hokage" type of moment, etc, but that was never why he was trying to be a hero in the first place. It's upsetting, of course, but he continues to help people despite the lack of quirk, the popularity, because he genuinely cares about humanity.

And in the end, we see that returned to him through those around him, we see his dreams return. He and his image of victory will get to compete together for the rest of their lives. I'll be 90 years old, and those panels of Bakugou reaching his hand out to Deku will exist somewhere, in a library, on someone's bookshelf or coffee table. And that's while it isn't perfect, it's an ending I can get behind.

[neechees]

I'm putting out a scam warning for the user @/sheeyancjoje, also previously @/sheeyanc @/sheeyancjosie, possibly other urls, who claims to be a homeless & asthmatic trans person living in a tent. I have reason & evidence to believe that they are not who they say they are, that their photos/evidence is stolen, and that they are actually the scammer Laura Deramas, who is likely also running the blog @/destrawberry. They exhibit multiple red flags for typical scammer behavior including the following evidence:

First off, who is Laura? Laura is a scammer who was initially called out for scamming & suspicious behavior in 2021, then with some manipulation, convinced multiple people that she was genuine (including me), then it was revealed once more that she was scamming & doing everything she was originally called out for: including pretending to be multiple different people & then lying more when confronted about it, exaggerating how badly her family apparently needed "help", guilt tripping people into giving her money and then harassing anybody who did give her money & demanded they give her more. & then later lied a bunch more including faking an arrest & faking her own death (& later pretending to be her own sister asking for funeral money, & calling any evidence against Laura being alive "hate") despite the fact that shes still very much alive & has posted on her own social media multiple times after her alleged "arrest" on May 30th 2023, & alleged "death" on June 2nd, 2023. We'll come back to Laura & why all that is relevant in a minute.

First off, Sheeyanc doesn't actually ever provide evidence that proves what theyre saying is true. They say they're homeless and living in a tent, and while they keep showing a tent, how do we know that these photos aren't stolen? How do we know that those photos aren't just from some camping trip, or staged? How do we know they didn't just go take photos of an another homeless person's set up? We don't. They make other claims that they don't provide proof for, such as saying their legs were swollen, but didn't provide photos of this. We've also had a similar tactic of someone else claiming to he "homeless" and "living in a tent" & this turned out to be false.

Secondly, Sheeyanc has been harassing people to send them money, either by going into their dms to beg them and sending people photos to guilt trip them, or even literally telling people to open up their askbox or messages when they were closed specifically so they could do this. Laura was ALSO known to do this to various users, & she would send people unsolicited photos of her child or her family & talk about how much she was "suffering" to get people to feel bad for her, which she ALSO did to me. When she pretended to die, she also randomly sent people photos of her allegedly "dead" body to ask for money, which upset many people. If you go into the notes of this post, there's multiple users testifying in the notes that Laura would regularly pester them for money & send photos. Note that people asking strangers for large sums of money as a "loan" is a big red flag for scammers we've seen multiple times, including Laura. Below is Sheeyanc doing the exact same things listed above that Laura did: sending people unsolicited photos, talking about how much she was "suffering" unprompted, and asking for large amounts of money from individual users. Also notice the similarity in language and tone between Laura doing this & Sheeyanc doing this.

Thirdly, Sheeyanc blocked the Filipino user who called out Laura Deramas. This Filipino user was the one to discover she had faked her death & photoshopped someone else's death certificate to pretend it was hers. In addition to this, we also know Laura isn't actually dead also because after she'd been called out for this, the user who called her out very mysteriously started getting anon hate in Tagalog. Below is sheeyanc interacting with them just before blocking

& we know Laura has been known to get sassy & rude with anybody who called her out like here. note the appropriation of aave by itssmelau when confronting people who called her out, just like Laura did in the first callout link with the user lizardamiibo while ALSO pretending to be someone else.

As another major point, Sheeyanc has been seen interacting with another scam blog, @/destrawberry, and verbally encouraging people to give them money. Destrawberry is very likely run by the same person who was running imgonetoofar/imthegonetoofar because theyre claiming to be the same person & using the exact same photos, & before deleting, imgonetoofar was promoting & being promoted by the scammer sassysweetiegirl/zaquaaaablu (who referred to "imgonetoofar as their "friend"), both of whom I called out here. And as I mentioned before, the person behind @/destrawberry is a scammer, either someone who stole imgonetoofar's (another scammer) photos & is pretending theyre recent & to be them, or they're the same person who faked their death and came back again to ask for more money. And who else do we know who faked their own death? Laura lol. So in other words, Sheeyanc/destrawberry/imgonetoofar/sassysweetiegirl are all likely run by Laura pretending to be different people. On the left below is Sheeyanc promoting destrawberry, & then on the right is imgonetoofar promoting sassysweetiegirl in the replies, where you can also see me calling them out.

And lastly, Sheeyanc's banner is of the New Matina Town square in Davao city, the Phillipines. Davao city is where Laura lives. Here's a screenshotted image just in case they change it, and below, here's a comparison between Sheeyanc's banner on the top part of the image, while the image below it is a screenshot from a video of NMTS in Davao, very near where the banner photo would've been taken, but at slightly a different angle/position. You can tell its the same place because of the little circular green grass section in both of the photos, which is surrounded by a metal fence with the same design, both have the exact same road signs in the exact same place, & both are in front of a yellowish-white building with a second floor & balcony & the same design of roof, with palm trees.

& heres that same building but at a different angle (at the front). If you google "New Matina Town Square", you get the yellowish white building featured in the photo, and if you reverse image search sheeyanc's banner photo, you still get results for this Town square. Left is Google results, the right image is the Google reverse image results, highlighted in yellow.

If you want to be more precise, The yellowish building is a restaurant called "The commons at MTS", while the photo would have been taken next to another restaurant called "Taboan". Below is a helpful legend I've created from a Google maps view of the New Matina Square. The highlighted red area is where the banner photo approximately would've been taken, & the yellow area is where most Google search photos are taken at the front of the building. You can see the buildings I've mentioned, & if you don't believe me you can go take a look at Google maps & see for yourself.

And just so there's no confusion that Davao city is indeed where Laura lives, here's my old reblog of a post that Laura convinced someone to make for her where it confirms she lives in Davao city, as reblogged also by Laura and she was fundraising because of allegedly being affected by a flood there.

So to recap: the user Sheeyancjoje is likely the scammer Laura Deramas due to similar patterns of behavior, such as 1. Vague "proof", 2. Harassment of tumblr users in asking them for money, including sending unsolicited photos and guilt tripping or repeatedly asking for more money from people who already donated, 3. Asking for large amounts of money from individual users the same way Laura did, 4. Fighting with and blocking the same user that called out Laura for faking her own death, 5. Interacting with other confirmed scammers, including another one involved in a funeral scam, like how Laura was, 6. Their banner is literally a photo of Laura's city of residence

[sabrgirl]

things that aren't inherently islamic but have improved my deen ♡

practising mindfulness

mindfulness meditation (focusing on my breathing for 10-15 minutes a day and bringing my attention back to my breath every time my mind wanders) helps with concentration in salah. through practising this every day, you're able to bring your attention back to the moment much better as you train your brain to do so with your breath.

helps to ground myself in the moment rather than stress about the future and past - allows me to surrender to Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ much better and have tawakkul and sabr by learning to enjoy each day as it comes

journalling

shadow work

islam is fundamentally based on disciplining and self-regulating the nafs/ego. if you do not discipline your nafs, you will end up inclining towards evil: '‘And I do not hold my own self (nafs) to be free from weakness; for, the soul is surely prone to enjoin evil, except that whereon my Lord has mercy. Surely, my Lord is Most Forgiving, Merciful.’ (12:54). it was a saying by many elder islamic scholars and early muslims that 'he who knows himself knows His Lord'.

shadow work is when you address the hidden parts of yourself that we naturally and/or subconsciously suppress inside because we don't like them. the ego/nafs does this. you can find journal prompts on google, for eg 'shadow work prompts for anxious attachment' or 'shadow work prompts for male validation' etc - whatever it is you know is a problem about you. or, if you don't know where to start, just type in 'shadow work prompts' on google and you'll find something for you

through understanding in more detail what my ego does through addressing my fears in life and hardship/trauma i've experienced, i'm able to let go of those parts of myself, make an action plan to do things differently and become a better person. as a result, i'm able to make better decisions based off of righteousness and what pleases Allah, rather than acting based off of what scares my ego.

for eg - something happened when i was young that made me have an internal fear of being replaced which i had *no* idea i had. yet, i was acting on this fear subconciously, as i've always wanted to be original and i've had such distinct/original things that other people don't usually have so that i can stand out and it can become impossible to replace me. i was doing this so subconsiously but my nafs/ego was scared inside. when people asked me 'where is that from?' i wouldn't want them to know and would become very upset if they tried to 'copy me'. it wasn't until my best friend wanted to know where my perfume was from and i didn't want to tell her and ended up arguing with her that i realised i have a problem. i did shadow work and journalled about it to figure out why i'm acting this way. after doing this shadow work, it led me back to that big change in my life when i was a child and i realised that it hurt my ego a lot and resulted in me having a big fear of being replaced, with the outcome being i want to stand out and have things that are my own that it becomes so hard for someone to be me. after addressing and realising this, i've now let go of that fear and that part of me. i'm much more kinder to the creation now when they ask me where something i have/am wearing is from and, as i feel much more peaceful inside, i tell them where it's from with genuineness and sincerity. doing this can help with so many internal behaviours like jealousy, anxiety, being unhappy when other people get something you want, anger, attachments to people, love etc.

shadow work helps me get rid of attachments to worldly things and people (as the ego gets attached easily) after understanding why i am / why i act in a certain way too

gratitude

gratitude journalling helps me be thankful to Allah for what he has done for me. in hardship, i'm able to recognise the good that i still have. i've written more about how this has helped my deen here.

writing my feelings when i'm angry and/or upset

helps me process my emotions better and not act on my feelings by being rude to others in the moment

prevents me from backbiting and gossiping bc i just journal about how people have made me feel. backbiting is when you slander someone behind their back to someone else. through journalling, if i'm upset, i can write down my feelings, i can call people losers and get it all out of my system because it's just to myself, no one will read it. after this, why do i need to go to someone else and gossip? i don't need to. i've already released it all.

yoga and pilates

the physical body, mind and soul are all linked. as shown in the book, 'the philosophy of the teachings of islam':

this means that exercising our body affects our mind and soul too. science has shown that trauma and stress is stored in the shoulders and other parts of our body. having movement and especially exercises like yoga that focuses on stretching, flexibility, breathing and regulating blood flow in the body releases this emotional baggage.

islam is a religion of discipline that requires effort. when you feel good inside, you're more likely to be more disciplined and put in the effort, as opposed to when you feel bad inside which can often lead to laziness and fatigue. doing yoga and releasing my stress through exercising and stretching helps me feel positive and good inside, enabling me to fulfil my religious duties better with a positive mind and body. in islam, maintaining physical health is highly encouraged and our Beloved Prophet ﷺ emphasised having a strong and healthy body.

[damagedcoda6669]

Hey Lucifer, i'm sorry I am telling you this since ik you and Al are close, but that's exactly why i'm telling you this...

As you know, Al used to be in birdie drama spaces, and he still is, but just under an alt.

Remember the borderline 12 drama? Al made that happen to see how the public would react since he is planning bigger things. He wants to see how fast your "fans" will turn on you, and he wanted to see how many would defend you. He knew doing the borderline 12 thing would get you in trouble, he even was surprised with how well it went considering YOU posted it when he actually wanted to post it on his account and mention you drew it.

I know this since i'm also in birder drama servers, but I just think Al is taking it too far...

He is truly playing the long game and trying to solidify your trust within him so that those leaks that are happening cannot be traced back to him. Al has truly formed an attachment to you, but not in a good way.

That borderline 12 drama was also to test your loyalty to him and it worked since you believed that he meant no harm when all he truly did mean was to harm you. You may think Al is genuine and would never, but just try to analyze a few of his messages pertaining to birder drama.... that's all i'm going to allude to because I don't want him to know who i am. I don't want him to doxx me.

I will say, Al does share a lot of interests with you and he does find you fun to be around, but that's because he sees you as a toy instead of a person.

Just- please be careful with Al, he is betraying you behind closed doors and PLEASE don't listen to him when he says all the anon's are lying, they are just scared of him finding out because right now he is really favored in birdie drama spaces since he infiltrated you so well.

Ik you might not believe me since i said I was in birdie drama spaces and i will admit, i do talk bad about you.... However, I never leaked anything nor have I been involved in what Al has been doing. I am mainly a lurker and to gain trust in the birder servers I just regurgitate the hate everyone else has for you. I feel really guilty, which is why i'm writing you this.

Other's have spoken out in anon asks on your moraltonz account, and Al was really upset with them and tried doxxing them to get them out of the birdie servers he's in so his plans don't get foiled by them, since he knows you get paranoid easily. Al is really worried about you finding out about him, so I'm hoping you get to this ask.

You may believe it's people trying to ruin you Lucifer, but other asks that pretty much imply it's birdie haters was just a tactic used to try to get the people truly coming forward to be discreditable.

Also, read my username and think back to all the birdie drama and all the people involved. I won't say too much, but I hope you can get what I am alluding to. If not, it's ok.

TLDR;

PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH AL, LUCIFER. Please.

It's disheartening what Al is doing to you, with all the leaks, with the ploys, with how he talks about you, and just with everything he is doing.

Al has not stopped interacting in birdie drama spaces, he lied to you.

I truly think Synni is your only friend, because even though she used to be in birdie spaces, I don't think she has an alt.

I'm sorry i'm telling you all of this considering how close you and Al are, I really am sorry he is doing this to you. /gen

the lengths u guys go 2 2 try 2 induce my paranoia/delusions n turn me against ppl u dont know is crazy. if this is true, if u actually cared abt me, use ur main. say it 2 my face. give me evidence. ALSO ADMITTING U SHITTALK ME AND ACTIVELY PARTICIPATE IN BIRDIE DRAMA SERVERS IS CRAAAZY. I AM NOT GOING 2 LISTEN 2 A WORD U SAY, U R JUST ADMITTING 2 BEING A BAD PERSON. if u feel sooooo guilty, why r u still there? if al was rlly leaking shit in these spaces, scs and evidence wouldve gotten back 2 me by now. itd have spread online and id be able 2 see artwork n images that i havent sent 2 anyone besides them. also??? stop misgendering them??? weird ass

anyway yeah, good lie, u fabricated an interesting story, but gimme some proof. gimme gimme i want those discord scs that dont exist *rubs my hands 2gether nefariously*

heh u dont know this but.. jotaro is leaking everything