#I just got so mad I’d have to pay to rent don’t trust the bitch in apt 23

[juniperhillpatient]

Does anyone have any tips for managing streaming service subscriptions? For a long time now I’ve been subscribing to whatever whenever & unfortunately my tv just lets me, like I just have to talk to it I don’t even have to sign up. And now I just have so ridiculously many subscriptions hurting my finances it’s awful & I still have to pay to rent anything I ever actually wanna watch because the market is spread so fucking thin so it’s not even like it’s worth it. But I have no idea where to start sitting down & unraveling which ones I genuinely use enough to be worth it & which to delete or how many I even really have so I just…. let it build & it’s. Actually really bad lol 🥲

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 19/?

Word Count: 4.1k

Author’s Note:

Warnings: Mentions of the court system, fighting, swearing, no beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

 Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Time Skip lol, February, next year. Finals.

She and Jason had been together for 6 months around February. When finals started coming up. The distance and tension between the two was fucking palpable. They hadn't fought or anything, but the stress between them had caused a slight riff. They just had space to focus on their studies.

They would see each other at work. She was his secretary. Everyone, all their friends, even their families, swore they just needed to bone. Which, considering they both heard about this from Bruce first, didn't mean they wanted to do it.

If you had asked Y/N, she would have said she wasn't dressing for Jason. But that was a lie. She was tempted to go with the advice everyone was giving them, especially before they went into their first finals exam. She walked into his office.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Well, I'm your secretary. Seeing if you need anything."

"I don't."

She turned to walk out.

"That doesn't mean you can walk out."

She smiled to herself, "Alright." She sat on the chair in front of his desk, "I won't walk out."

"Mhm."

She frowned, he didn't even look up from his computer. "What do you want me here for, Jay?"

"Close the blinds on all my windows, baby."

"It'll become dark."

"Good."

"Your eyes will fry from the light of your computer."

"Trust me, they won't."

"Uh-huh," she doubted as she closed the blinds.

Jason walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head in the crook of her shoulder. She smiled and leaned her head on his.

"Exams fucking suck," Jason said.

"Couldn't have guessed from the riff in our relationship, really? You don't say?" she sarcastically retorted.

"It's not like we had it easy this entire time, either."

"Fuck you don't say? At least my attacker was admitted to Arkham and my friends got out."

"Can't catch a break," he paused because his buzzer went, "Can't catch a fucking break!" he exclaimed, exasperated. He went and answered it, "Jason Todd, who's using Y/N (Last Name)'s buzzer," he said, sounding annoyed.

"Hey, it's Dick. You two aren't fucking right, B will be pissed."

"Shut up. We aren't. What do you want."

"Someone's pissed. I need paperwork."

"Come and get it."

She crossed her arms and laughed when Dick entered the room. She slightly waved. He slightly waved back.

"You know, you two should bone. But not here," Dick joked. He walked over to one of the many, many filing cabinets to search for the paperwork he needed.

"You're really just riding the wave into Jason running you down, aren't you?" Y/N said.

"Well, we're always up for sparring."

"It probably won't be sparring, Dick. You know your brother. He's staring daggers into the back of your head."

"For Valentine's, I'll be giving Barbara the stress of taking care of me after Jason beats me to a pulp."

"At least you'll get one last Gala?" she joked.

"Will you be coming?"

"She will," Jason said.

"Amazing. Don't fuck on the dance floor," Dick joked.

"Fuck you."

"Love you too, Jase," he turned to walk out, "Love you too, Y/N."

"I'll be sure to tell you I love you at your funeral, Dick," she joked as he walked out. She paused before turning to Jason, "Gala?"

"Come, please," he said before going to hug her. "I miss you."

"You see me every day, Love."

"But we haven't been," he paused, "Well, a couple. In weeks. I miss you. The fun one who got me to run down the streets of Gotham on a skateboard."

"Dress code?"

"White tie."

"Dammnit. Guess I'm shopping."

"I'll give you my debit card?"

"I don't need it, baby. However," she joked, "I sure will take it."

He laughed and forked it over to her, "Don't spend my Ph.D. funds."

"I will gladly spend your Ph.D. funds."

"No," he laughed, "Please, I need those."

"I mean if you insist I spend it all," she said, laughing.

"The Gala's later tonight, you can take the rest of the day off."

"Kind of you to do."

"I know, I'm a gentleman."

"Truly," she kissed him. "I'll see you tonight."

"Can I come to get you?"

"Feel free too."

"Alright. I love you."

"I love you," she said before she left the office.

Getting into her car, she fumbled with the mirror a bit. She looked like a mom. The bags under her eyes and the formal get-up for an office job did her in.

They had said "I love you" for the first time around Christmas. She wished she caught the moment where they were fucking around and she just said it.

The Christmas lights surrounded them, hung in the trees. They had gone to see the New York City tree in Times Square. He was setting up a photo to take of the two of them and she just said it.

She could have sworn his fucking eyes lit up with green. Like they glowed.

Reminiscing on those small moments with Jason was something that would make her smile without fail. That man somehow unlocked a new set of feelings, stronger feelings. She was in touch with herself.

She went to her house first, to see how A/N was doing. To see her on the steps. She pulled into the driveway.

"Hey, you good?"

"Huh? Oh! Yeah, of course. Why?"

"I have to go get a dress for a Wayne Gala trademark, do you want to come to help me?"

"Of course I do!"

---------------------

"I guess you could say we didn't narrow shit down about a dress," Y/N joked as she came out in the 16th dress she had tried on.

"Okay, well, that one is the best so far," A/N said, seeming like they finally made progress.

"Wow, this is news, we've narrowed it down."

"Honestly consider it a miracle. Thank God Jason let you go from work early. Are you getting a full day's pay?" A/N asked.

"Probably. I told Bruce I didn't want a full day's pay if I wasn't there, but Bruce said it was in my contract. I think he's just being generous," Y/N said with a sigh.

"Did you not read your contract?"

"I did! That's why I think he's being generous. I don't think I'd forget something like that."

"Watch you did forget those words. You should ask him to see your contract, if he's disobeying it then the board members are probably at his ass about it," A/N explained.

"God, please no. I would hate being a contention point for the board members."

"They probably want you fired. And they're probably mad that you won't be fired because you're with Jason."

"Well, I'm also just a great secretary"

"See, each time you say that I assume it's because you give him a little something-something under his desk every day."

"I'll have you know we've never had sex in that office."

"Did you have sex in another office?" A/N questioned.

"I'm pleading the 5th to any further questioning."

"Wait, oh my god."

"Nope! Going to go try on another dress and ignore you now!" Y/N exclaimed with a joking tone.

"This one's the best," A/N said.

"We're making progress! I'm thinking if I go with this one, I add gloves."

"God, are you trying to give Jason a hard-on?"A/N joked.

"I would like to plead the 5th to any further questioning on the matter," Y/N retorted.

"You're evil. If you're going to be evil, you might as well wear a suit."

"I wish. After all the shit I've been through, I want to stick it to the fucks who keep judging me. I'm already so jeopardized, though. Jason goes through a lot of shit dating me. I'll wear the dress."

"Old white people are old white people."

"Well, Bruce is nice at least. If he's judgemental, at least I don't hear about it on the news," Y/N said and twirled. "Yeah, this one. I like this one."

"I also like that one. There's something about silk. Always gets someone to look like 50 million dollars. Probably worth that too."

Y/N fumbled with the tag, "It's not pure silk, so it's less. Only 1000$."

"Only 1000$? God, that's like our rent."

"Rent is more."

"Well if we weren't in a house it would be the same. That's insane. That's like 3-4 months of groceries."

"I know it's a lot to us commonfolk, but Jason is rich. He wouldn't mind. We might, but he wouldn't."

"Yeah, but do you feel okay with spending that much of his money?"

"I have no idea. We'll see. I'll go try another dress on."

"This is cute," Y/N said.

"Well of course it is, it's probably worth your college scholarship, though."

"God, don't remind me of prices."

"It's hard to forget prices when we're given a lot of money to spend."

"We can't spend all of it!"

"What's he using it for?" A/N asked in a half-joke.

"He's getting a Ph.D. in Criminal Psychology when we graduate."

"Okay, okay. So he needs it."

"Yeah, he doesn't let Bruce pay his bills, remember. He's making his own money, minus the working-for-his-dad part."

"Yeah, the working for Bruce part seems a bit counterintuitive."

"If he's getting paid, it doesn't matter to him."

"What's it even like working with his family? Especially with the tension between you and Jason?"

"It sucks. Jason and I haven't fought, yet. We have to act like we aren't fighting. Which makes everyone think we are fighting. Which makes both of us mad. Because apparently," she paused, "The way to fix fighting is having sex, apparently."

"So have sex?"

"Shut up."

"Family on your nerves?" A/N asked.

"They're so involved, but I love them all. I just wish we had a moment alone, I know it's hard to do in a fucking office, but still."

"Go try on another dress. Show up looking like a million bucks."

"You are simply so right."

"I feel like this is the mature version of the black sparkly spaghetti straps one," A/N said.

"It's like you mashed a bunch of words together and suddenly I have to sell you my first-born son."

"Well, it's true!" She laughed, "It's a grown-up version, what someone, old white people, would expect of you."

"Old white people expect a lot."

"Jason's going to be one, one day," A/N joked.

"He's got not-white features," Y/N said, trying to picture his face. There was something about him. Something not-white. She had always picked up on it, but she could never tell what it was.

"Well, it's not like you can ask his mom her ethnicity."

"Jeez, that would be so rude of me to do. Let's just say it's... it's not my place."

"He's got secrets?" A/N questioned.

"Tall, handsome, mysterious. That's my Jason."

"A little bit of everything, all of the time," A/N said in a sing-song tune, specifically the "Welcome to the Internet" tune.

"Don't quote Bo Burnham to me, that album broke me," Y/N joked

"Who didn't it break? Oh, wait, probably Jason."

"He probably sobbed like a baby at it, I don't know where you got the "Emotionless" trope from, A/N."

"Can you blame me? He's a Wayne."

"Those are some of the most emotionally connected people I know? Like, genuinely, they're probably more in touch with themselves than you and I."

"Well, they don't exactly have the reputation for being able to discern their emotions, you know."

"You need to stop interacting with tabloids and their articles," Y/N said, seeming exasperated with the tabloids and the line of conversation. But that was nothing new. She hated the press, the articles, the paparazzi. She hated them all.

"Yeah, probably. You hate them for a reason."

"Do you not know about that time they made it so we couldn't get into our car?" Y/N asked.

"You did, you did."

"Fuckin' tabloids."

"Go try on another dress before you explode from rage."

"Valid," Y/N said, laughing.

"God, if only this wasn't a white tie event," Y/N said and sighed.

"I mean, you could just wear it."

"I will get my ass handed to me, however," she said, taking a picture, "Maybe Jason will just let me get it if I pay him back?"

"You don't have the money right now?" A/N asked.

"I need to get paid and I'll have enough," Y/N explained.

"Don't tell me this is worth more than our rent."

"I will just simply not tell you."

"Girl, you can't."

"Money is dumb and I hate it."

A/N laughed, "Which one do you want to go with?"

"Uh, probably the silk one."

"Temptress."

"I will literally buy and wear a corset to make Jason's life hard to get you off my back," Y/N laughed.

"I implore you to do so for the joke."

"Shut up," Y/N joked.

She still sent the picture of the last dress to Jason off-handedly. Asked him how he felt about it since she knew she loved it.

Why don't you just get it? He had sent back.

Can't afford it.

I can.

Please let me pay you back for this.

Just take me on a date.

I can do that.

You should.

I'll see you soon.

She laughed and grabbed both dresses.

"Jason's buying both?" A/N asked.

"Mhm! I have to take him on a fun date in return."

"You were probably going to do it both ways, honestly."

"You just know me so well."

-----------------------

They had gone and gotten the gloves before heading back to their house. Laughing and blasting rock songs the entire time. There was something about the bass running through the car and having the windows rolled down while screaming the songs. It was insane.

One of the songs they blasted was "I Think I'm OKAY" by Machine Gun Kelly and YUNGBLUD, switching out the vocals. It was fun to take breaks like that and, just enjoy each other's presence. Especially during finals season, where both of them were stressed because of their respective finals.

Everyone was stressed. Finals did that to everyone. Whether someone was in school or not, they felt the teenagers and college students lose their minds about it.

They got out of the car at their home and took the dresses inside. A/N went to go study in her room while Y/N went to go hang up her dresses. She entered her room and instantly remembered why she hated her laptop.

The laptop fan was deafening, it's why she barely had Jason over at her house anymore. She cleaned it constantly but, it kept going and going.

She brought it to the Wayne Manor over the Winter Break because she had work to do but wanted to see Jason, and everyone, everyone, commented on the thing.

They compared it to a screaming goat, an electronic mess, a horse-powered fan, anything they could put together with electronic, goat and fan, they called the laptop that.

Bruce even offered to buy her a new one, but she declined. She didn't think it was broken, so it didn't need to be replaced or fixed. If it was still in working condition, she was going to use it until it bluescreened on her.

Much to everyone's dismay.

She hated the fucking thing. So if she could drown it out with music, you bet your ass she did. She was grateful that her parents had sent it to her, but she assumed it was because they hated it too. She was right. No one liked that laptop.

She went to go shower. She figured if she fucked with her appearance and hair a bit, then the press would get off her back. She hadn't exactly tried to impress them thus far. But she wanted to just live her life.

She figured doing her hair, makeup, wearing the right clothes, she'd get harassed less. There was a lot of pressure dating a Wayne, she had realized.

She was constantly in the media, somehow she became an idol for little girls in the span of months. It was a lot for someone to take on. She embraced it normally. With open arms normally.

But A/N had told her that she started sleep-talking. Screaming about the eyes, the people watching her. She knew it was probably connected to the stress she was under dating Jason, but she really didn't want to deal with it.

If she ignored it, no one could tell her to deal with it. If she hid it, no one had to see it. She was looking into soundproofing her room so that A/N didn't have to see it.

Was it healthy to do that? Probably not. Probably far from the concept of healthy coping mechanisms.

She got out of the shower and started playing with her appearance. If she ended up with loud makeup and hair after this, she was going to just accept it.

She did end up with pretty loud eyeshadow. But her hair was fine, as acceptable as it could get for everyone judging her. Only nude lipstick that was just two, maybe three shades darker than her skin was what she needed. She kind of overdid the eyeshadow, so it had to be balanced.

Nerves by Icon for Hire was playing in her room. And in a way, that was how she felt. There was a lot of feeling in her, that she wasn't made for the life she was starting to lead. That being an idol was how she was going, but she couldn't do it.

She sighed and put on heels. White heels. It would be easier to put them on before the dress and gloves. The corset came on next. IT wasn't anything special, and she was capable of putting it on without help.

But then the dress.

"She loved that dress, but it wasn't the other one. The other one sparked a little bit of joy in her, while this one just conformed to everyone's opinions of her.

She wanted to wear the other one, so, so, fucking badly.

And finally the gloves. It was an outfit she thought was cute but would be torn to shreds in the media. She knew that.

The media liked to eat her alive.

Part of her wanted a break from it all. The other part wanted to do an interview with the press, to shit-talk all of them and make them weep. She wanted to be the one to destroy them.

Revenge was best served cold though, and the rage was far too hot in her head to even begin a proper essay on why they sucked.

She turned off the music in her room and was greeted with the lovely sounds of her computer fan. Comforting, but hatred.

Jason was going to be there any minute. Was she even ready for a Gala?

They had been through so much.

---------------------------------

She walked to his car. He brought one of the fancy ones.

"You couldn't just like, own a not expensive car?" she joked.

"Why would I do that?"

She laughed and handed him his debit card, "I don't know, to keep the press off your ass?"

"I think they'd find us no matter what," he said as he backed out of her driveway, "You look beautiful by the way."

"Thank you, Love. You're as handsome as always."

"Simp."

"Alas, I admit it," she joked as she turned on the radio. "I swear the media is going to have a field day today."

"When do they not?"

"That's fair."

"I'm sorry this school year's been fucking our relationship," he sighed, "We deserve better and a better chance than what we've been dealt."

"Unfortunately that's how school works."

"Fuck school sometimes. Not everyone gets as hit as badly as us."

"It's the psychology teachers. If any teachers are strict, they are."

"We still deserve a break."

"Well, there's always when finals are over."

"I swear we're doing something nice when finals end."

"That's not that hard to do."

The tension in that car was palpable. Truly, you could cut that with a knife. A diamond's edge.

They got to the Gala before anyone, except the Waynes.

"Hey lot," Y/N said.

"Y/N! Glad you could make it!" Stephanie said and pulled her into a hug, "The guys suck, so I like you the most today."

She laughed, "What did they do?"

"They won't play rooftop tag with me."

"Why do you even play that game?" Y/N asked.

"Agility! I'm a track star, duh. I drag them with me."

"Ah, how could I be so foolish," she laughed as Stephanie pulled her towards the other girls. Y/N waved at the boys while laughing. "You do know I have a boyfriend who wants to see me, right?"

"It's Jason."

"Good observation."

"Shut up. I claim you."

"You can't claim me!" she jokingly exclaimed, loud enough for the boys to hear.

"Steph, that's my girlfriend!" Jason yelled back.

"Not anymore!" She yelled as she pulled Y/N into the building.

"Explanation?" Y/N asked, "Do you have an issue or something?"

"I don't. Babs does."

"Go on?"

"Ask her."

Y/N sighed and walked up to Barbara and Cassandra, "I heard you have an issue or something?"

"Yes! You! Okay so," Barbara said, "We're all worried about you and Jason."

"Oh, Jeez," Y/N sighed.

"No no, listen. We can feel the tension. Have you been fighting?"

"I told you before, we aren't."

"Then what is it? 'Cause I'm known for being a detective, hello, I'm Jim Gordon's daughter. And even I can't figure it out."

"Probably exams. Exams suck."

"Oh! It's because you're not used to the fame," Cassandra said.

"Okay, Cassie. Listen, it's-"

"It is isn't it!" Stephanie exclaimed.

"Ugh. Yes. Are you happy now?"

"C'mon, it isn't that bad is it?" Barbara asked.

"It is. They've been at my throat with daggers ever since I met Jason."

"Who's been at your throat with daggers?" Jason asked.

"Don't worry about it," Y/N said before anyone could open their mouths and say to the contrary.

"Well, then. Everyone should be here soon," Bruce said. "Wish we had entertainment this time."

"Can't Y/N sing?" Tim asked.

"Uh, yeah?" Y/N said.

"So sing," Tim said.

"Tim. C'mon. Don't do me like this, man."

"Think about it," Bruce said and put a hand on her shoulder, "It could be fun."

She laughed and everyone scattered except her and Jason.

"So, the daggers comment?" he asked.

"Media reference."

He sighed, "You can always step out of the spotlight, my love. Step down, walk away from their eyes but still be in mine."

"I'll think about it."

He took her hands, "You should think quicker," he joked.

She laughed and he pulled her into the ballroom she knew all-too-well at this point. The first time she was there ran through her mind like no one was watching, the beauty in her memory for capturing it like that.

She knew once the pictures were released she'd probably attempt to paint it.

Galas were stuffy and full of people. She didn't like the people aspect. When strangers would come up to her and start talking, she'd get freaked out. They knew her, but she didn't know them.

She wasn't involved in getting to know people high-up in the world. She was a simple secretary who was dating one of the CEOs.

She'd get twirled around by people's sons. Stuck in dances and conversations. She almost always found herself with one of the Waynes after she ran from someone she didn't know.

She did figure if she sang she'd get away from everyone. So, in a fit of trying to get away, she found her way to Selina.

"Hey!" she said.

"Y/N! Are you running again?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Do you want to sing or something, Bruce said he asked you to."

"He did, and I figured, "Fuck it" so here I am."

Jason came up just as she said that, "Duet?" he asked.

"Now that's an idea and a half."

"You kids, always doing crazy stuff," Selina joked, "Le me see what I can do for 'ya."

"We're really doing this?" Jason asked as Selina slinked off.

"I guess so!" she exclaimed and he pulled her in for a kiss.

"Really saying "Fuck you" to the press today, huh?"

"Well, they're always saying "Fuck you" to me."

[mcwriting]

Starstruck (9)

hello it’s me again. Second to last chapter :( but I’ve got bigger things in the works

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Fandom: Tom Holland

Ship: Tom x reader

Setting: LA, London

Word Count: 2230

Warnings: mild language

Rating: K+

                            __________________________________

Tom dodged cameras and wove through crowds as he made his way through London Heathrow Airport.

He finally was home in London, but only for about a week since he’d be coming back to LA for you.

The news had obviously broken that Tom had left South Korea, so now he was being bombarded with paparazzi who still wanted to know everything about you, especially your speech four days prior.

He continued to ignore them as he got to where Tuwaine was waiting to pick them up.

The car doors slammed shut as all four boys settled themselves in, Harrison up front and the Hollands in the back. Tuwaine locked the doors, then turned around.

“Seems like we’ve got a lot to talk about, boys.”

“You have noooo idea,” Tom muttered as the others nodded eagerly.

The drive back to their south London house was comfortable to Tom after everything that had happened. They mostly strayed from talking about you in the car, instead sharing funny stories from the long-lived press tour. 

Sam decided to head back to his parents’ house after they arrived at the other boys’, ringing up an uber. He just wanted to sleep in his own bed. Their parents and Paddy had come home from the premiere before Tom went to Korea.

Once the boys were showered off and settled in, they told Tuwaine everything from the pre-release press tour before the premiere to meeting you to everything since. 

“That’s mad, Tom. So when are you going back? And how do you plan on going unseen?” Tuwaine asked.

“Well we’re gonna get back to LA on Thursday to have time to adjust again and get everything settled. I’ve paid for a couple private planes to keep things off the radar as best as I can. All of you can come if you want.”

After further discussion, they decided for only Harrison and Harry to join Tom since the others had prior commitments. 

After a couple more hours of catching up and reflecting on the past weeks, everyone finally decided to retire to their beds and hopefully get some rest.

As Tom layed down, he thought about the plan to see you again. He was nervous and excited at the same time, and went to sleep thinking one thing.

I’m coming to get ya, y/n.

                             __________________________________

As always, news of Tom’s travel back home was all over the internet with clips and pictures of him dodging through the airport being shared, you of course being tagged in those pictures by fan accounts wanting attention.

“Ughhhh I’m so tired of people tagging me in this shit like I actually care! I’m not even remotely involved in these pictures!” you exclaimed to b/f/n, who was sprawled on your bean bag chair as you laid on your stomach across a rug. 

You showed her a fan edit of Tom someone tagged you in, which was just a video transitioning between pictures of him from his press tour.

“I know. It’s so dumb like, he’s even likely to see stuff if you just pester his friends, or in your case… whatever you guys are.”

“Give me a break. We’re nothing. We just met and yeah. That’s all there is to it.”

“I don’t buy it, but whatever. I need to use your charger.”

You pointed to the bed.

“It’s over on the other side if you want it.”

B/f/n sighed dramatically, then rolled her way off the bean bag to flop onto your bed, plugging the device in. After a few minutes of silent scrolling on your phones, she piped up.

“Yo. Why does your bed smell so good? New detergent or something?”

You blushed, realizing you never told her about that little detail.

“Uh, well. It’s cologne.”

She turned her head to look directly at you, eyebrows raised cheekily.

“And why do you have cologne on your bedsheets?”

You avoided looking directly at her for a second, cringing a little.

“Well… I may have kind of left out the part of the story where Tom gave me a whole bottle of his cologne and it smelled really good so I sprayed it all over my sheets… but like no biggie right?”

She sat up.

“Yes biggie! You know exactly what Tom Holland smells like and didn’t think to tell me?”

“I forgot about it until the other day when I found the bottle in a bag of my stuff. Didn’t seem important.”

“Okay, if it’s not important, then why did you douse your bed in his scent?”

“I told you, I think it smells good. That’s it.”

“You’re really going to sit there and try to convince me of that? Everyone knows that scent memory is a really big deal, not to mention that he literally gave it to you.”

You stared each other down for almost a minute before you cracked.

“Okay, fine. It helps me sleep, alright? It takes me back to the night he spent here, which honestly was one of the best nights of my life. It just felt so nice talking to him about vulnerable things, you know? At the time I thought I could trust him, and maybe a part of me wants to remember that side of him.”

B/f/n nodded as you finished.

“I get it. What he did sucks, but you can’t let that ruin the good memories you do have. Things will work themselves out. They always do. You just need to remember that you’re a boss bitch and no matter what happens, you’re gonna be alright.”

“Thanks. I really needed to hear that.”

“Anytime. Now let’s forget about him and figure out where we want to get our nails done next week.”

                             __________________________________

It was now Tuesday, and you and b/f/n sat in adjacent pedicure chairs, trying to lean back peacefully as yours vibrated violently in the name of a “massage.”

After you both struggled to not laugh while the nail techs exfoliated your feet, you were now relaxed and still as they began to actually polish your toenails.

You looked over to see b/f/n smiling at her phone.

“Who’s got you acting up?” you asked. She looked up in surprise.

“It’s no one. Catherine just sent me something funny on Instagram.”

“Oh, okay. Send it to me.”

In reality, she had been talking to Harrison and Tom about Friday, sending them pics of you in your dress the prior week and learning of their plans to get to LA on Thursday morning. 

To cover for herself, though, b/f/n scrolled through her dm’s with Catherine, looking for something she’d received but never sent to you.

                             __________________________________

Wednesday in London, Tom, Harrison, and Harry sat around the dining room recapping the plan for the rest of the week.

“Okay, so we’re gonna get there pretty early tomorrow morning and then I arranged for us to stay at an AirBnb under b/f/n’s name but obviously I’m paying for it. Since none of us are 25, I couldn’t get a regular rental car, but I talked to Audi and they said they’d loan me another car as long as we post some pictures with it.”

“Won’t that defeat the purpose of laying low if we’re plastering our faces with the car online? It won't be hard to distinguish London from pretty much anywhere else,” Harry claimed.

“They said as long as we get the pictures up before we leave town, we’re good. We’ll just have to put it in the calendar so I don’t forget.”

Harry took that as his cue to put it in the calendar right then.

“What about the actual event? I know you said you got in touch with them,” Harrison brought up.

“I’m glad you asked, mate. They were down for letting us make our appearance a surprise, so they’ll have staff sneak us in the back and wait until b/f/n gives us the go-ahead. They’re gonna introduce me and I’ll give a quick word and then… hopefully y/n will let me talk to her.”

The group got everything in order and loaded their bags into Tuwaine’s car once again for him to drive them to the private jet hangars.

After saying their goodbyes again and loading up onto the plane, the boys were in the air, headed west. They would be stopping in New York to change planes, and got comfortable for the almost 8 hour flight.

By the time they got to New York, the boys were exhausted going through customs. They were happy to find that so far no one had seemed to leak the fact that they had left London and were now in the states.

They boarded the next plane and prepared for the 6 hour flight, this time planning to get sleep as it was overnight and they’d be arriving in the morning.

The sun was beginning to rise over Los Angeles as the plane touched down.

“Tom, we’re here,” Harry said, shaking his brother awake as the plane taxied. 

Tom blinked his eyes a few times to adjust to the light, looking out the window. 

The boys deplaned on the tarmac and sat tiredly in the small airport’s lobby as they waited for someone to drop off the car. 

Tom noticed one woman at the desk looking over at him frequently. He was afraid she would end up putting him all over the internet, so he got up and came to the desk.

“Hi there.”

She looked at him, startled.

“Um, hello.”

“I couldn’t help but notice you looking over at us. Would you happen to be a fan?” Tom asked politely. She blushed.

“Yes, actually, I am.”

“Would you like a picture?” Tom offered. He knew he looked horrible from his long journey but needed to know she wouldn’t go around telling everyone about meeting him.

“That would be incredible! I was too afraid to ask.”

Tom called Harry over to take the picture on her phone, then took it from the younger brother. Tom noticed Harrison carrying a couple bags out the door to a car.

“That’s a good one! I only ask that you try to keep this to yourself? At least until tomorrow evening? I’m on a bit of a secret mission, and I don’t quite want the public to know I’m here, yet.” 

The girl’s eyes widened.

“Of course! I’d hate to ruin anything for you.”

“Awesome, thank you so much. And it was quite lovely meeting you, I look forward to seeing those pictures again one day.”

With that, Tom was out the door and on his way to the spot they had rented out for the trip.

                             __________________________________

B/f/n woke up Thursday to work out again and saw there was an Instagram notification on her lock screen. It was Harrison (or maybe Tom, who knew who she was actually talking to).

We made it to the AirBnb. Thanks again for putting it under your name.

She saw it had been sent about an hour prior, so she replied.

No worries. I haven’t seen anything online about you being in the US, so it seems like you’re good so far

We’ll try to keep a low profile. We’re mostly trying to adjust to the time again so Tom isn’t falling asleep at the formal tomorrow night

B/f/n snorted. She figured it really was Harrison that she was talking to.

At the boy’s rented house, they were sitting around drinking black coffee to stay awake for the day. Eventually, they ran outside and took pictures with the car, being careful to watch that no one was looking at them.

As the morning went on, they quickly came to an unfortunate realization.

There was no food in the house, and they couldn’t just go out and get it. Delivery wasn’t the best bet either considering someone would have to answer the door.

So with stomachs growling, they messaged b/f/n again, asking her to pick up some groceries to hold them over for the day.

You’re lucky I’m not with y/n right now. Just send me a list and I’ll bring it over asap

It took her over an hour to get to the store, find everything on the list, and take it to the house. Her stomach fluttered when she pulled into the driveway as she was finally meeting her idol for real.

The door swung open before she could knock.

“Oh thank God you’re finally here, I’m starving,” Harrison said , taking the bags from her hands. “Come in, come in. Don’t need anyone seeing us.”

She stepped in the door to find the other two sitting on the couch. They greeted her starstruck self. 

“Oh, wow. Hi. It’s nice to finally meet you in person,” she eventually spit out, looking at them in amazement.

She ended up spending almost an hour conversing with them, Tom paying her back for the groceries and them finalizing the details for the upcoming day.

She stood in the doorway preparing to leave.

“Well, I’ll see you all tomorrow. I don’t know what she’ll do, but good luck either way.”

“Thanks, b/f/n, that means a lot. And thanks for all the help you’ve been. Without you, I don’t know what I would have done.”

                            __________________________________

A/N: honestly I’m kinda sad that this is almost over. I started it over a year ago now and I’ve really enjoyed writing it. Hopefully I’ll put out the last chapter next week and then will begin scheduling “the marriage project.” Love you guys!

TAG LIST: @marvel-lously, @jackiehollanderr, @one-big-fangirl, @dreamyvans, @lisannehus, @honeymoonpeter, @shootingstarsaretearsofheaven, @chenellearose, @photoshopart15, @parkeret, @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch, @racewife2004, @joyleenl

To be added to my story or permanent tag list, pls send a message or ask

[panda-noosh]

Hey Aticus! Congrats on hitting 3k, you absolutely deserve it!!! No pressure and no need to write for this if you don’t want to, but could I suggest something for House of Voltron or a demigod au? You’re a wonderful writer and you make the world a better place. Thank you for sharing your writing! :)

“I cannot believe you chose to do this today, of all fucking days!”

  Lance and Keith don't even have the decency to look guilty. Both of them just stand there, hands tucked into pockets as Shiro slightly raises his voice at them. Behind him, you, Hunk and Pidge are stood, each with a different smoothie, watching the scene unfold.

  Also, the carpet has paint in it.

  That's what Shiro's mad about. Although you weren't awake to gather all the details, from what you have heard, Lance and Keith thought it would be nice to repaint the living room walls. In the end, what was once a friendly little task turned into a competition that ended up with Lance falling from his ladder into the vat of paint, splattering the egg-shell blue everywhere.

  This wouldn't be a problem if not for the fact that the house inspector is due to come around at any minute.

  Shiro groans, trailing his hand through his hair. “We have to get this out of the carpet before he shows up. He's gonna take one look at the mess and make us homeless.”

   “Jerry is a nice guy!” Lance exclaims desperately. “We'll explain the situation-”

  “What situation?” you snicker around your straw. “That you and Keith got in an argument that ruined your spontaneous decision to paint the perfectly fine living room walls?”

  Keith lobs a pillow at you. “Not helping.”

  “Yeah, well, Y/N is right,” says Shiro. Pidge nudges you, a silent good job for getting the Big Guy's approval. You nod, smiling proudly. “Jerry might be a nice guy, but he's also dedicated to his job.”

  “So we'll clean it up,” says Lance. “It should be easy enough, right? It's just paint!”

   Hunk snickers. “Just paint.”

  “Everyone gather your cleaning supplies!” Lance exclaims. “We've got a long morning ahead of us!”

  And so the long morning ensues. You're half delirious, sticking your hand in the mop bucket without the cloth, spilling water on the hard wood floor because you're not even fully awake yet and already Lance and Keith have you doing chores that, of course, shouldn't even be your responsibility. It's not your fault he and Keith can't have a moment of civility between them. It's not your fault Lance is a clumsy bastard. It's not your fault-

  Lance lobs a wet cloth into your face. You fall back into the TV stand, spluttering as the ornaments fall from the shelf, smashing on the hard wood floor surrounding the rug.

  Shiro whirls around. His face is bright red. It won't be long until the poor guy is doing more than just slightly raising his voice. “Lance!”

   “Y/N was zoning out!” Lance yells, pointing an accusing finger at you.

  You growl, slapping his hand away. “You dumb bitch, you could have got soap in my eye!”

   “Oh, boo hoo. How about you save your complaining for when we're kicked onto the streets by Jerry?”

  “And who's fault will that be?”

  “Enough!” Shiro exclaims, throwing a – thankfully dry – towel at you. “Get back to cleaning!”

  You growl but do as you're told. Even though you're annoyed at having been dragged into such a sucky situation, you will admit that this is also your house – you do pay a fair bit of the rent. You do have a bed here. You would be homeless without this place, and so it is automatically your duty to help in making sure the house stays in your possession.

  Nonetheless, it doesn't make the job any easier. Lance and Keith continue to argue, and Hunk disappears halfway through, only to reappear through the front door, Kosmo on a leash, his face bright red when he holds up a grocery bag and says, “They had jalapeños on sale.”

  “None of us even eat jalapeños,” Pidge replies, wiping sweat from her brow.

  Hunk shrugs and walks into the kitchen. Nobody questions it.

  As for Shiro, he's just being Shiro – quiet, getting on with the job even though everyone around him is causing very unnecessary havoc. His jaw is clenched the entire time, veins popping from his forearms as he scrubs at the carpet, trying desperately to get the blue paint out.

  It's still pretty stained when the doorbell rings.

  Desperate glances are passed between everyone. Even Hunk and Kosmo pop their heads out of the kitchen, Hunk with a two litre jug of milk in his hand, having clearly just tried a jalapeno.

  Shiro shakes his head sadly, placing his cloth back in the mop bucket before he heads towards the door. You and the others look at each other once, and maybe it's because you've lived together for so long, or maybe you're just desperate, but at the exact same time, all five of you leap into the carpet and lay in a line, spreading your limbs out as far as they will go. Pidge goes the extra mile and pretends to be asleep, snoring and everything.

  Shiro flicks open the door. Kosmo starts barking, but calms down when he sees Jerry standing there, clipboard in hand, shirt buttoned up to the throat. You place your hands behind your head and yell, “Hey, Jerry! I didn't know you were coming today!”

   Jerry steps inside, raising a brow at the unusual scene before him. Pidge pretends to twitch in her sleep, giving Keith's leg a harsh kick that makes him hiss and kick her back; she doesn't stir.

  “Uh, yeah,” says Jerry. “I left a note on your door a few days ago.”

 “Shiro must have got it,” you reply.

  “Yeah...” He pushes his glasses further along the bridge of his nose. “What's going on here then?”

  “We're just resting,” says Hunk.

  “Vibing,” Lance corrects. “We're vibing. It's like resting, but a bit extra.”

  Keith clicks his fingers and points at Lance. “What he said.”

  Jerry nods slowly before turning to Shiro. “Shall we move on to the kitchen?”

  Shiro leads the man into the kitchen. As soon as the door closes, Keith kicks Pidge in the shin again, making her bolt upright with a hiss of pain.

  “What was that for?” she exclaims.

  “You kept kicking me for no reason! He knows you weren't asleep!”

  “Well, now he fucking does!” She rubs her leg, glaring. “Do you think we got away with it?”

  “If we're not homeless by the time he leaves, I'd call it a success,” Lance replies.

  “Shiro is still gonna want the paint out of the rug,” you point out. “It looks brutal. I don't know what you two were thinking going for egg shell blue.”

  Hunk giggles. “It's a living room, not a nursery.”

   Lance jabs a finger in Keith's direction. “It was his choice, not mine.”

  Keith scowls. “I thought it looked nice.”

  You pat his knee. “This is why you're only chore is to bring your washing down.”

  And so, all five of you wait for Shiro to lead Jerry around the house. As soon as you hear them pattering back downstairs, you fall on your backs, retaining the position you had when he originally walked in. He glances at you all only once, clearly deciding then and there that he wants nothing to do with whatever is going on. He shakes Shiro's hand, hands him a single slip of paper before turning and walking out.

  All of you hold your breath as Shiro reads the note. And then Shiro bursts into excited cheers, waving his hand in the air.

  “We're safe! We're safe! We're not homeless!”

   All of you start cheering then. Pidge jumps up onto the sofa, Hunk wraps you in a bone crushing hug, Lance and Keith divert to the corner to discuss what they're going to do about the rub. Even Kosmo starts barking. It really is a sight to behold.

  Shiro sighs happily, scrunching the paper up and throwing it over his shoulder. “That was the stupidest plan you lot could have come up with.”

  “But it worked!” Hunk exclaims, jumping onto Shiro's shoulders. “See, old man, all you have to do is trust us.”

  “But not too much,” says Pidge. “When you trust us too much, that's when we'll actually be thrown out of here.”

[eldritchsurveys]

727.

Do you think you’re clever? >> I can be clever, sure. Did you wear socks today? >> Yeah, because we actually went outside. I’m still wearing them because I really haven’t felt like taking them off yet. Can you remember how you celebrated your 10th birthday? >> I don’t really remember being ten at all, to be honest.

Know any magic tricks? >> No. Do you sleep well most nights? >> Eh... I guess I sleep all right.

Are your nails painted? >> No. Is there somebody you know that you really don’t trust? >> I don’t really trust most people I know, and that’s usually no fault of theirs. cPTSD is a bitch. Is there music in your head right now? >> No. When’s the last time you baked a cake? >> I don’t think I’ve ever baked a cake. What time was it half an hour ago? >> 1.23p EST. Did you ever play cowboys and indians when you were growing up? >> Absolutely not. When did it last rain? >> I want to say yesterday? Days are all starting to run together, obviously, so I might be wrong. Would you like to become a dancer? >> No. I would like dancing to remain a casual thing I do out of enjoyment. What colour is the bathroom of your house painted? >> The bathrooms are painted the same colour as the rest of the apartment -- off-white. Which country is to the north of your home country? >> Canada. Name one person of the same sex as you you wouldn’t mind doing: >> --- What is the most gory film you’ve seen? >> Hmm... maybe A Serbian Film, since that was like, its whole point or whatever. Is there anybody that you know that you just feel really sorry for? >> No. Do you like the Austin Powers films? >> Nah, that’s not my sense of humour. I can’t even look at the main character’s face without cringing.

Where is the worst place you have ever travelled to? >> I don’t have a worst place. They were all just fine places (or very good places). Ever fallen down a hole? >> No. Do you like to read poetry? >> Not particularly. Most of the poetry I encounter is inscrutable in a way that doesn’t jive with me at all (I don’t dislike poetic ambiguity as a rule, but there’s only a certain kind that I actually connect with). Every once in a while I’ll encounter a poem that speaks to me, but it’s not a frequent occurrence. What’s your preferred frozen snack? >> Mochi ice cream. Is rap music overrated? >> No? Do you work better in a clean or messy environment? >> Clean, absolutely. Do you know any vegans? >> Sure. I was also raised by an almost-vegan. Earphones or headphones? >> Headphones. Do you like bananas? >> Absolutely not. What’s a film you’ve seen that confused you? >> Beyond the Black Rainbow. I didn’t bother finishing it because I couldn’t see the point. Do you ever wear black lipstick? >> I’ve worn it in the past. I prefer more of a plum colour, though. You can take any illegal drug without any bad consequences, which one? >> Hm. I guess Ecstasy. What is next to your bed? >> A nightstand. Are your fingernails dirty? >> No. I can’t abide having dirty fingernails. What would you change about yourself appearence-wise? >> I’d rather not even entertain this right now. How long do you normally spend in the shower? >> Like five minutes. I am always on high alert in the shower and the quicker I can leave, the better. When’s the last time somebody called you “baby”? >> Sparrow usually calls me “babe”, no one calls me “baby” and I’d like to keep it that way. Have you ever had to keep something important from your family? >> --- Don’t you think things feel much better after a good cry? >> Actually, yeah, it does feel pretty cathartic when I just let it happen instead of berating myself for being emotional and shaming myself into submission. It kinda clears out the sludge a bit and lets me breathe a little easier, which helps me move on from whatever stirred me up in the first place. Do you think the UK should keep its monarchy? >> I don’t know shit about the UK and the monarchy and I don’t care. True or false: you’d do Mila Kunis. >> False, obviously. Which colour would you rather have your hair: pink, grey or green? >> Grey. Pink would be fun, though. Maybe grey with a big pink swatch. Don’t you just hate the sound of people eating? >> I really, really, really the fuck do. What’s your favourite music video? >> I have a lot of favourites. Helena by My Chemical Romance is one. Is it your aim to be perfect? >> Fuck no. Inner Critic can just die mad about it. Ever climbed to the top of a mountain? >> No. Have you ever fell for someone believing you could “fix” them? >> *shudder* No. I’m so glad I never had that impulse. I’ve wanted to make life easier for people that I cared about, and even that got me into way more trouble than it was worth. Someone’s paying for a fancy dinner, where do you eat and who do you take? >> I’m not sure. Can you honestly say you are truly happy with your life? >> I’m honestly not trying to be “happy” with my life. Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes it’s way too fucking hard. Sometimes it weighs upon me like eight hundred anvils and I can’t believe I somehow manage to get up every morning. I’m just trying to be okay with that variety of human experience, and not punish myself for not being “~happy~” all the time. Can you paint well? >> No. Describe a picture of yourself that you hate: >> I’d rather not??? If you could keep any animal as a pet, which would you choose? >> The only animal I want is a service dog. Something you did in the past that you’re embarrassed about: >> *shrug* Would you rather play a good or an evil character in a play? >> Evil! Especially if I get to ham it up and just be gleefully awful. Do you like porridge? >> Sure, it’s fine.

Has anybody ever lied to you just to impress you? >> I mean, I have no idea. Strangest gift you ever received: >> --- Do most people annoy you? >> No. Don’t you think you should really be doing something more productive? >> I think anyone that actually asked me that would end up producing a lot of blood from where I stabbed them. Have you ever felt really out of place? >> Absolutely. It’s become a bit of a default response, unfortunately. What’s your favourite shade of blue? >> Dusky greyish-blue. Do you have any odd phobias? >> No. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep? >> About four days or so. When was the last time you just wanted to be left alone? >> I don’t know, probably the last time I had an emotion of any sort. Do you believe in karma? >> Karma isn’t a concept that gels with me. Can you remember a world before iPods? >> I do. When was the last time it was sunny? >> This morning. It’s still a little sunny right now, too. Would you like to be photographed by Terry Richardson? >> Who? Don’t feel like googling. Smoke? >> No, thanks. The most I smoke nowadays is about a third of a clove every once in a while. It feels pleasantly buzzy, plus I like the taste. I can’t stomach smoking a whole one, though. It ain’t 2012 anymore. Would you rather have a lazy day or a day of being really busy? >> I’d like to experience the variety of having some really busy days in between all my regular lazy days. Do you like the way that spoken French sounds? >> It’s fine. What’s the best film soundtrack? >> Oh man, anything that Clint Mansell does I just want to absorb into my body. (So that’s... Requiem for a Dream, The Fountain, Moon, Stoker, etc etc etc.) Also, Interstellar had a beautiful score. Where did you go on your last date? >> Uh... I think our last “formal” outing was to the Valentine’s Day cocktails and chocolates event at Long Road Distillery. Do people find you “cute”? >> I don’t fucking know, man. Who does the best remixes? >> I’m not sure. What is most of your money spent on? >> Rent and bills, of course. And subscriptions.

[kcllmongers]

We putting in our 2 cents? Hold my beer. 

Ahem. 

I come in peace. I want to have a genuine conversation with anyone who wants to agree or disagree because of well...growth lmao. I’m not going to rant or shade. There’s two things I want to talk about. 

1) Why do y’all care so much about this bitch who plays multiple characters (when you niggas do the same. don’t front) 

2) Why not take advantage of this thing called a delete button? 

First thing’s first. We can’t talk about niggas being sensitive when y’all sensitive y’allselves. It’s just a different type of sensitive. Not the delete and post unfollow but the “I’ma rant in my mentions all day” sensitive. Hate to break it to you but that’s being sensitive. You are responding passionately to someone’s comment on you, your development or you’re expressing how you feel about something. Shit I'm being sensitive rn because I really could've kept my mouth shut but I have feelings about stuff. 

Dipping after causing a mess is being sensitive because well, like many pointed out, you caused it and knew what you were doing so don’t post your unfollow after causing a disturbance. Fuck it and move on, tf? You thought exposing IMs, calling someone ugly, saying you’re slap them all of that WOULDN’T cause a problem? People pick out these FCs and go into this with failing muse already after the first week and it doesn’t help when someone wants to randomly slap you or if you’re called ugly. Personally? I’d laugh and move on but some people are different and you can't be mad at that. Just like we learned and grew from our experiences, we need to let the new comers do that. If you got some dope plots, good development, and having fun then fuck the sensitive bitches you’re talking about and keep it pushing. 

Let me skip to number 2. This is all fake, which we can all agree. This community started as an escape for alot of people and still is. We’re grown now. You’d think with bills, rent, jobs and now new relationships we know how to handle things like adults. The only person controlling your good time is YOU. I’ve stopped giving a fuck what people say about my characters, to my characters on anon because this is all fake. I’m not really the person I’m playing and I have a slim understanding of the whole I  “I'm working hard to play this so the anons are annoying” shit but none of that will matter come the next rp. And if you get that discouraging anon. DELETE IT. You literally have the power to delete the hate and to make them feel small. Turn off your anons, ignore it. I’ve enjoyed my time in rps way more when I don’t respond to anons even if it’s with a funny comeback, meme, gif or whatever. But you know the minute you answer 1 of them hoes, 5 more come up so why continue to do pay pussy bitches any mind? Why make the admins mad when they tell you to stop posting them? I wish I could delete racism, homophobia, colorists, slut shaming, rapists, murderers, shit I want to delete the president of this here country but the beauty of this community is that you can literally come here and delete the toxicity away. Be somebody different and not you. But you niggas choose not to and say people are ‘ruining’ things. No. No one is forcing you to answer or do anything you don’t want to. We have full control of these keyboards and if you get a hate anon? Fuck em and keep doing you sis. Period. Now, going into number 1. This is long so strap in.

I said the only person controlling your good time is YOU. This is an anonymous platform all around. Its not just that anon button. On Tumblr you can have real blogs with your face but in an rp realm its your fave as your avi correct? In WC its your fave correct? Fake aliases and all sis. I’ve been on the phone with some people a few times and there’s only ONE person who’s ever seen my face in the 8 years I've been doing this and ive seen theirs. Now, many of you are closer and know names, locations and all of that. That’s cool and fine but some people don’t want to do that. But even then, how do you really know who is who with all these FCs and platforms? Because your friend said so? That don’t mean shit. It’s scary and it’s even scarier when maybe you’re surrounded by the same bitch in different FCs but stressing out over this person who does this is just a waste of your time and has to be the biggest downfall in this community since that shitty ass blackout that nobody took seriously. Good times but it wasn't hard to figure out photoshop. Anyways. Everyone has their assumptions and honestly who knows the truth? What are we looking at. Typing patterns? plot similarities? FC usages? I mean come on. This is the most vague evidence ever and I know niggas were full of shit when they were saying who this bitch was turns out it wasn’t even them. I knew niggas were full of shit when at point I heard my character was apparently this bitch and it’s just like...naw lmao. My limit might be TWO and honestly I only get the second if it’s a FC I really wanted and eventually the other one dies off but talking to myself? Smutting with myself? 3 WCs? It makes me chuckle at the thought of people thinking I even had the time. I don’t even want to talk to other people sometimes and you think I’m going back and forth between a computer/phone or whatever to do that? Nobody knows me but if y’all did it would be laughable too. I’m so god damn lazy it’s not even funny but listen if there’s a bitch that does that in this community...let them. What does that have to do with you? They’re ruining your development? Your good time? WRONG. 

 Worry about you. Your character and your shit is all that should matter so you can take pride in it when you’re done. Not the hours spent figuring out who is who. You could be thinking its the bitch and it’s actually one of your friends and Ive seen it happen. So what it’s the same plots? People develop differently. We still got CBs with anger problems, Dave Easts who move bricks, Rihannas who don’t drop music or act boujee as hell, Saweeties who act ghetto and so on. Y’all FCs act exactly how they usually do ooc and no one bats an eyelash until it’s someone they don’t know doing it. We all based our characters on real like shit they doing. It’s why we choose the characters because of their resources and development. Same with playing multiple characters. I’ve watched y’all sit and pick out MULTIPLE FCs for new rps but nooooooooooooooooooo let’s blow the sirens for this one girl who’s single handedly bringing down he community right? You’re blaming the downfall on ONE person at this point and it’s laughable because who’s at fault for this shit right now? And don’t say sensitive people because we just spoke about this lmao.

And honestly, if this bitch is that irritating. And you feel it in your core that it’s her. Just tell them straight up. I've done it. I get word that it’s most likely them, they do some funny shit and I dead it. Open our plot, cut off connections. Nope. It’s just not me and with the stories I can’t be bothered with he mess. It’s that easy. you literally have the power at your finger tips to better this community by deleting anons, blocking the bitches you can’t trust and just simply telling someone no. But you guys choose to entertain anons or the people in your IMs asking for smut then go to WC and complain. Your next IM shouldn't be sliding into the pussy or on the dick but should be “I'm good luv, enjoy” they’ll get the message. If not, use your words and say you don’t want to. I’ve done it and it was smooth sailing. But you keep replying and actually fuck???????? But still complain?????? 

In conclusion, I feel like we all play a part in how this community is right now. It’s not just one bitch, it’s not just a group of people. It’s not the sensitivity. It’s everyone. It was me at one point trail blazing through the tags. I owned up to it. But I really just chill and rock with something until it dies. There’s a person that hates this blog, I know they hate this blog because we butted heads and turns out they’re my favorite person I’ve ever got the chance to plot and connect with. And I wanted to tell them I was the blog but it just goes to show shit can run smoothly even when people have different opinions. I don’t agree with alot of shit but ranting, anons and all of that won’t do anything. It’ll just leave a bad taste in the tag. 

SO. With that being said, I open the floor to any disagreements. Agreements? Wanna discuss something you didn’t like? Let’s have a conversation rather than yell at eachother. It just makes everyone mad. 

[injusticeff]

Chapter Eighteen

***2 weeks later***

Tiarra

The news was filled with the so-called "home invasion" that was done on the "nice innocent young lady" named Ajanae Patterson. I had covered my tracks so I wasn't really worried about the cops but the amount of coverage they were doing on this girl was real life blowing me.

It had been over two weeks since I tried to kill her ass and they were just still milking the hell out of this story. It's definitely not present as much as it was when it first happened but they still talked about it from time to time. At least once a day asking if anyone had any information or had seen anything to call in and let them know.

But I was too good to get caught and I doubt there were any witnesses because if there was, they would have some information about it already. I had learned too much stuff from watching those reality crime shows to get caught up making some dumb and careless mistake.

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed the remote and shut off the TV before turning to my phone for entertainment instead. I realized I had a text from Dominick and instantly scrunched up my face considering he hasn't returned any of my texts and calls since that day I had to go to the hospital. He was smart to avoid me though because each time, I was only calling to cuss his ass out for doing some shit like that to me as if I'm a weak bitch.

From: Bitch 🖕🏽

call me as soon as u see this 💯 important

Of course I hesitated at first because I didn't know if what he wanted to talk about was important for me or important for him. If it's for him then he can surely kiss my ass because I won't be doing any more favors to someone as ungrateful as he is. I've always been there for him when he needed something done, when him and Simone would be in a bad place, even when I didn't need to be.

I decided to see what he wanted though just for the hell of it. The phone rang several times and I was about to hang up until I heard his voice come through on the other end. "Yo?"

"What's so important that you decided to text me after ignoring me for a whole month?" I crossed my unoccupied arm over my chest as if he could see me, instantly earning an annoyed sigh from his end but I'm the one who should be annoyed with all this back and forth he's always doing with me.

"Don't start with the bullshit Tiarra or I'll leave yo ass in the dark to fend for yourself." He retorted causing me to instantly furrow my eyebrows since I had honestly no idea what he was talking about.

I swear it was just like Dom to be calling someone on some cryptic bullshit, trying to be mysterious and whatnot. Like can we get to the point already? "What are you talking about 'fend for myself'? Since when have I not been able to take care of me, myself and I?"

"Since yo dumb ass decided you wanted to try and go kill somebody, but failed like an idiot."

My body immediately straightened out as his words processed through my mind because I hadn't told anyone about what I had done. There wasn't anyone I could really tell but still. If Dom knows about it, who else knows? "H-How did you—"

"Don't ask me no dumb ass question like that, Tiarra. You know I got eyes and ears everywhere, regardless of if the police ever find yo ass or not." The line got silent as I attempted to process what he was saying but couldn't because I was still stuck on the fact that someone else besides him had to know that I was the one who tried to kill that Nae bitch too. And I have no idea who it could have been.

My heart instantly began to pound as I soon felt a headache coming on. "Well why did you even look into who shot that bitch in the first place? It has nothing to do with you."

"You know I'm not the type to give out information like that and you're lucky I even fuck with you on some type of level 'cause I wouldn't have even told yo slow ass at all." He spoke, letting a sarcastic chuckle escape from his lips soon afterwards. "If you wanted to do the job, you could have at least done it right."

Immediately rolling my eyes, I scoffed because I had actually thought I'd done a good job of covering up my tracks. Hell, it's been over two weeks and the police still have no clue that what happened to her was an attempted homicide. "I did do it right. Tell all your nosy ass connects to mind their fucking business, how about that?"

"They do mind their business but it's not their fault that one, you let off three loud ass shots in a neighborhood at night so you most likely woke mad people up. And two, yo dumb ass ain't wear nothing to cover your face."

My face instantly scrunched up because I know for certain that I had worn a ski mask that night. "I had a whole ski mask on so who's capping to you?"

"Well somebody saw what you looked like clear as day and they also saw what car you tried to sneak into afterwards so it is what it is."

Then what he was saying finally hit me. I took off my mask so that I would be the last face Nae would see before she died and after I shot her, I immediately ran before someone was able to call the cops. I had completely forgot to put my mask back over my head. Letting out a frustrated sigh, I buried my head in my hands wondering why nobody had turned me in yet and if they were even planning to in the first place.

I cannot go to jail and orange is definitely not my color. My freedom was now in jeopardy and I needed to find out who his connect was so that I could put an end to them as well. "Well... why does anyone else care about what happened to her? Are they related to her or something?" I asked, attempting to subtly get some information out of him since I knew straight out asking wasn't going to work.

"Nah nah, don't worry 'bout all that right now. Worry 'bout you. I'm only telling you all this 'cause as of now, you have someone tailing you."

My eyes widened and he didn't even get to finish his sentence before I dropped my phone and frantically hopped up from my spot on the bed, running to my closet. Grabbing one of the large suitcases from the corner of the small room, I threw it open on the ground and began piling clothes inside of it, not caring if they were getting messed up or wrinkled. I just knew I needed to get out of this house and get the fuck out of dodge.

My blood began to boil at the realization sinking in that this bitch really hired someone to follow me around and kill me whenever the chance would permit. What kind of looney ass female does something like that?

I struggled to zip up my suitcase because of how full and overcrowded it had become as I looked over my now half empty closet to make sure I wasn't forgetting any of the clothes I had actually enjoyed wearing. Running back into my bedroom, I started gathering hygiene necessities such as deodorant, lotions, perfumes, and my make up bag before stuffing it all into one of the empty pockets in my bag. I damn near looked like a crazy person running back and forth to gather everything I thought I would need to keep up with how I live.

I grabbed my phone which was now locked due to Dom most likely hanging up when he realized that I wasn't responding anymore, going to my private tabs and searching up some names of hotels near me. I didn't want to pick anything too close but I also didn't want to go too far right now since I was most likely going to switch from whatever hotel I would be staying at to a new one in a week, tops.

When there's someone after you, you can't get comfortable in one place for too long because that always runs a risk of them finding you there easily. I had to leave a confusing trail if I was going to make it out of this alive.

And one thing I was going to make sure to do was finish the job that I started. No one is going to continue looking for me once they stop getting paid however much she's paying them.

I dragged my now heavily full suitcase out to my car and immediately remembered him saying that whoever witnessed what happened saw what car I went into. A low huff escaped from my lips because I knew I was probably going to have to rent a car too. This whole situation was taking too much money out of my pockets already. Once I threw the bag into the backseat, I quickly hopped in the driver's side and started up my car before following my GPS to the hotel I had decided on while I was in my room.

I kept finding myself looking into my rear view mirrors as I drove to make sure that no one was following me. When I finally arrived to the hotel, I made sure to throw my sunglasses on just in case as I made my way inside. It seemed like everywhere I looked, there was someone that had glanced at me or looked too suspiciously casual.

On the way here, I stopped at an ATM and took out some cash so that I wouldn't have to use my card and be easier to trace. That's one of the biggest mistakes people make on those crime shows that air on TV all the time. They leave a paper trail like some dumb asses.

I texted Dom to thank him for telling me even though I don't fuck with him right now because I know he didn't have to let me know that the bitch is trying to put a hit out on my head, but he still did. This makes me question how Dom really feels about me; he says he could care less but then goes and does stuff that shows me otherwise. He clearly cared about saving my life and so he clearly cares about me.

It made me smile just knowing that the man who claimed to be so nonchalant went out of his way to let me know something that would ultimately save my life. And I knew I had to thank him somehow but right now, I'm not taking the chance of bringing anyone over to where I'm staying. That bitch is still his ex-girlfriend and I learned a long time ago that you can't trust nobody, not even your family.

I'm the walking epitome of someone that shouldn't be trusted so why would I make that same mistake with someone else? Contrary to popular belief, I'm far from a dumb bitch. Conceited? Yes. Rude? Maybe a little bit. But dumb is one thing that I definitely am not.

Once I checked in and received my room key, I looked around one last time to make sure that I wasn't being watched or followed before dragging my heavy suitcase along with me up to my room. I remained alert the entire time and didn't let my guard down until I was safe inside of my room.

The first thing I did once I was in my hotel room was crash down on the bed and let out a long exasperated sigh. These next few weeks trying to finish the job were going to be hell; not only because I had to come up with another plan to kill the bitch again, but also because I had someone I didn't know watching my every move to see what I'm up to and strike me when I least expect it.

Well, jokes on them because I'm always prepared.

Xae

Bree groaned lightly as her head hovered over the toilet bowl lazily. She kept having to remind herself that she couldn't just lay her head down on the seat since everyone's bare ass be on it but I could tell she wanted to rest her head somewhere.

I tried to comfort her by rubbing circles on her back gently with my hand but she only responded by groaning once again, this time a bit louder than before. I winced and backed up a bit because I thought she was going to throw up and I was not trying to have that shit splash back up on me.

But she only weakly lifted her head and reached for some toilet paper, wiping her mouth and nose soon afterwards. "Do you feel any better after throwing up?"

"A little bit, I'm not as nauseous anymore." I reached out to her and she smiled before grabbing my hand as I helped her stand to her feet. She was fine once she got her foot foundation.

The first thing she went to do was brush her teeth because she hated everything about vomiting; the taste, the feeling, everything. "I must have ate something bad. What did we eat for dinner last night?" She asked, turning to me with her toothbrush in her mouth.

"We had chipotle, you never got sick off that before."

She shrugged slightly before turning back around to spit the toothpaste out of her mouth. "Must have been a bad batch or something. I did get something other than my usual."

"Yea, you right." I agreed, nodding in realization. "Just don't get whatever you got no more."

She let out a sarcastic chuckle. "Trust me, I won't. It has me sicker than a dog."

I began nervously scratching the back of my head because I just knew that she was about to be pissed off by what I was about to tell her. "So, I had told Ant I was going to go chill with him and meet some of his fam. We supposed to go bowling."

"Ok, and why are you telling me this?" She replied dismissively as she began to lay down and get comfortable in the bed.

"Because I know how you are with Simone but she's gonna have to come check on you every now and then, and you can't be acting an ass. It's just gonna be for a couple hours so play nice, please."

She shrugged nonchalantly and buried herself underneath the covers like a burrito. "Xae, I don't know why you're worried. I can walk, I'm fine. I don't need a supervisor like I'm some five year old in daycare. Go have fun with your friend..." She paused to sit up a little bit so that she could see me better. "Why do you hang out with him anyway?"

"Girl, you know I don't have a lot of friends. McDonald's mixed up our order one day and we just immediately sparked up a conversation. He cool, what you got against him?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't have anything against him baby, it was just a question. I don't care who you hang out with just... hurry and come back to me." I replied by making my way over to her and leaning down to press my lips against her soft ones, allowing my tongue to invade her mouth for a quick second before pulling away as she glared at me with lust in her beautiful dark brown eyes. "Like I said, hurry back."

"I will." Giving her one last peck, I grabbed my keys and went to go say goodbye to Simone before heading out of the house.

I didn't know where the bowling alley was by heart so I already had it programmed into my GPS to save me the time. My feet carried me to my car and started it up once I was inside, driving off in the direction the Siri lady was telling me to go. I cracked my window, allowing some breeze to roll off my face as I cruised down the roads and highways.

I'm not really that good at bowling but I agreed to go because it seemed like something big for Antonio. He's basically met my family but I haven't met any of his so he figured he'd invite me to a function they have every once in a while when everyone is free to spend a few hours out with their family. That seemed like a nice little tradition to have, where everyone gets together throughout the year just to have fun. Many families don't do things like that; at least I know mine doesn't.

I would have stayed with Bree to take care of her while she wasn't feeling well, but I couldn't turn him down. Especially when I had already agreed almost a week in advance. It would be fucked up to cancel on him last minute, plus, I'm already more than sure he's told some of his family members about his plus one and it would look bad on my part if I didn't show up after he told them that I said I was. So, I was between a rock and a hard place here.

Before I knew it, I pulled into the parking lot of the bowling alley and searched around to find a space, ultimately having to go to the back to find an empty spot. Damn, it's packed for it to be the middle of the day. Once my car was parked, I hopped out and made my way back around the building to go through the entrance of the establishment.

Multi-colored lights immediately came into view along with one side of the building being an entire arcade full of different types of games. Music was blaring but the sound of young adults and children playing the arcade games kind of drowned it out a bit if you were on that side. I reached into my pocket to grab my phone and text him, letting him know that I was here since it felt awkward just standing around looking lost. As I awaited his text, I just busied myself on my phone so I wouldn't have to look like I was a kid who just lost his mom in a supermarket.

I felt taps on my shoulder causing me to turn around, instantly dapping my friend up as I noticed some of the people that were behind him. "What's good bruh? Alright so, this is my aunt Clemencia and my uncle Julio, my cousins Ajanae and Naija," he spoke as he pointed at two girls, one with her arm in a sling and the other typing away on her phone not paying any attention, "and mi madre Rosa." The short woman he pointed to then pulled me in for a back breaking hug as she mumbled some things excitedly in Spanish before saying it was nice to meet me. "Family, this is Xavier but he likes being called Xae."

"It's nice to meet you all." I added as I smiled and waved at everyone.

Everyone waved back except for his cousin whose face was still buried in her phone but it didn't really bothered me. She looked like a teenager in high school and I was that same way around my family when I was a kid. I really wanted to be out and experiencing doing my own thing but my mom literally dragged me to any family functions we had, since we didn't have many to attend in the first place. I was mad when I was younger but once I got older, I didn't mind it as much. You never know how long people will stay on this earth and family is all you have.

"Oo, I like your tattoos." His aunt flaunted her hispanic accent as she simultaneously felt the muscles in my arms causing me to look to Antonio for help. He responded by holding his hands up in defense and laughing.

"Mami, cálmase. You're scaring this poor man, he doesn't want you." The girl with short hair and her arm in a sling inserted herself into the situation.

Her mother scoffed and pulled her hands away from me only to place them on her own hips. "Callate nena, cuidate tu negocio."

"Do you want her?" The girl then asked me as she pointed to her mom.

I had no idea what to say in this very moment as I looked between both of the women while they looked at me expectantly. "Uh..."

"Alright, y'all stop scaring my friend off and let's go bowl. I don't wanna hear no more of this foolishness." Antonio spoke sternly but anyone could tell that he was being playful when he said it.

We all started heading off towards the counter where we could pay for the lane we'd be playing in and get our bowling shoes. I felt a slight nudge to my side causing me look at the person who had started walking alongside me. "Hey, sorry about my mom. She thinks she can pull anything that moves and I keep tryna tell her that she's not in her prime no more."

"Aw, don't tell her that. You gon' kill her confidence." I chuckled out.

"Psh," she rolled her eyes playfully, "I wish. Maybe then you wouldn't have been hit on."

I looked back at his aunt who then began to smile at me causing me to quickly turn back around and act like I wasn't just looking at her. "Uh, isn't that her husband?" I asked, referring to the man that lazily strolled beside her and didn't really say much.

"If you could even call it that. They're only together because they have kids. They do what they want." The girl seemed irritated by this fact and I didn't wanna pry, so I remained quiet. She sighed. "Anyway, I'm Ajanae."

"Xae. What happened to your arm if you don't mind me asking?"

She gave me a slight smile. "Oh no, you can ask me anything Xae. But unfortunately, I got shot."

I nearly tripped over myself at her revelation as I glanced at her with a surprised look on my face. "You got what?" I would have thought she sprained it playing a sport or something but getting shot? Sheesh, who did she piss off?

"It's not that big of a deal, I'm good." She replied dismissively and I honestly couldn't blame her. I probably wouldn't want to talk about the situation all the time either and I'm sure she gets a lot of questions as it is. She looked up at me and eyed over my facial features for a quick second before turning elsewhere. "So, Xae. Do you have a girlfriend?"

"A fiancé to be exact, so be like ya thirsty ass momma and get gone." Antonio answered for me out of nowhere as he threw his arm around my shoulder to pull me away from his family. "Sorry that every woman in my family hits on anything with legs."

I let out a low laugh as I shook my head. "Nah, it's all good. I don't mind it. Although, if Bree was here and saw all that, she'd need fries to go with her salt." He laughed along with me and shrugged slightly.

"Eh, she can't be mad at you. At least you weren't flirting back. You coulda been one of those types of niggas."

I instantly shook my head. "Nah, my baby girl lying in bed sick and throwing up. I wouldn't be out here flirting with no other chick while she's waiting for me back at home."

"Throwing up?" He raised a curious eyebrow. "You think she's pregnant?"

Shaking my head once again, that hurt feeling that came over me whenever I talked about this situation hit me almost automatically. "Nah man, Bree can't have kids. She ordered some new shit from Chipotle yesterday and she's thinking that's probably what's got her feeling sick. I keep telling her stop tryna be different, she don't wanna listen."

"Damn, well I'm sorry about that... You never know though."

I shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it anymore. "Yea, but it doesn't matter. Me and her talked about it and we're content with adopting when the time comes and we both want kids."

"Sounds like y'all have y'all whole life planned out together already." He replied causing a small smile to grace my face as I nodded in agreement.

"We really do."

Simone

I fought a smile as Xae helped me fold the last of my clothes that I had took today to wash. There wasn't a lot that I brought with me, so I had to wash more often than they did but he always helped me out.

I've stayed longer than I'd hoped to. I tried asking my mom but she didn't have enough room for me there. After both of her kids moved out, she saw no reason to have a house with multiple bedrooms when she was only going to use one.

I didn't mind staying here though. Other than the obvious glares from Bree, it was a nice environment to be in. But I know that I can't stay here forever and I feel as if I'm overstepping my boundaries by staying here longer than intended anyway. I had been looking for some cheap hotels in the area that were still at least a little decent but anytime I'm searching for them, Xae tells me he's in no rush to kick me out. He was being so sweet to me when he really didn't have to be and that alone warmed my heart.

We would have these smoke sessions whenever stress was getting too much to bare; with him doing all this wedding planning and me dealing with my situation with my obsessive ass baby daddy, it was easy to open up to each other since neither one of us had no spot to judge. We would talk for hours at a time even after we had already smoked the blunt down to nothing but a small roach.

It was nice being able to just talk to someone sometimes. I feel like I've just been holding so much in and handling everything myself, but it was cool getting advice from someone on the outside looking in. Just talking with him alone, I almost forgot that I was running from someone and not just hanging out and having fun. Once the realization sets in that this isn't really my life, though, is when all those happy feelings come crashing right back down again. I'm only taking bits of pieces of his happy life and intruding on his personal relationship with Bree by taking up so much of his time that should be going to the planning of their wedding.

They've made really good progress but I feel as though they'd be done by now if it weren't for me being here so long. Things like what he's doing now by helping me fold my clothes, is what's taking away from the time they could be spending with each other instead. And what makes things worse is I think Bree sees that too, which is only adding onto her unreasonable hatred for me. These past two weeks, I've been trying to get on her good side by helping around the house but nothing I do ever seems to be good enough. The more impressed and appreciative Xae gets by me doing those things, the more annoyed she seems to get.

"You got one more load after this right?" He asked as he folded the last one of my leggings. I had so many leggings that it was ridiculous and you would probably catch me in one four out of seven days of the week. Maybe five on a good week.

I nodded in response to his question, tucking some loose strands of hair behind my ear. "Yea, but you don't have to help me with that though, it's a small load. I can handle it."

"Honestly, I really don't have nothing else to do right now, so helping you is keeping me company at the same time." Chuckling at his revelation, I shook my head and grabbed my clothes carefully before walking them to the guest room where I laid them down in my suitcase. I hadn't unpacked during my stay here because I knew it was only temporary and I didn't want to get comfortable knowing that.

Xae also grabbed the remainder of my clothes that was left and followed suit, setting them into my bag neatly so nothing came undone. "Thank you. I know you don't have to help me since I'm the one staying at your house... but you don't treat me like I'm some sort of burden to be here and I really appreciate that."

"That's because you're not a burden Simone and I don't know why you think you would ever be one either. This house has been more spotless in the two weeks you've been here than it has since we unpacked all of our stuff. You're always doing something to help out around the house and it's not like I don't be seeing you looking for different places to stay." He shrugged, not really knowing what else to say since he had been previously rambling.

My mouth stayed shut too as I enjoyed the silence for a quick second before rushing towards him and wrapping my arms around his torso with my eyes shut tight to try and hold back my tears as his cologne invaded my nostrils. His arms immediately wrapped around me, providing comfort and safety to anyone in them. I couldn't stop thinking about all he's done for me up until this point even after countless times of me being a bitch and purposely going ghost on him and avoiding him for literally no reason. He's been right there all along.

Once I realized we had been hugging for a bit too long, I reluctantly pulled out of the embrace and chuckled to hide my embarrassment as I used my thumbs to wipe some stray tears that fell from my eyes. "I'm sorry. I just—I almost forgot how it feels to have someone be so nice to you and not have ulterior motives in mind."

"Well, how do you know I don't have ulterior motives?" He asked with a playfully raised eyebrow causing a smile to creep it's way onto my face. I kept trying to fight it but looking at his handsome sharp features made it no better.

***Flashback***

Me and C'yara were playing truth or dare like teenagers at a slumber party and it was cool to have this kind of worry-less fun in my life again. I was learning so much about her; some things I wanted to know, and some things I definitely didn't.

"Ok, truth or dare, Sim."

I instantly cringed at the nickname with Dominick's evil eyes whenever he'd call me that after beating me immediately coming into mind. It took a second but I gave her a smile instead. I was trying to do better with my life and let go of the toxic parts of me Dom had created, that means I can't go flashing on everybody that calls me a common nickname for my name. It's not like they meant the same thing by it as he did. I needed to let my hurt go and being here was helping me progress so much more with it. "Truth."

"Ok," she placed her fingers on her chin as if she was thinking hard on what she wanted to ask me until a glint of mischief flashed in her eyes and a smirk formed on her face, "Do you like my cousin?"

When I tell you I almost choked on my damn spit. "W-What? Why would you even ask me that? He's engaged."

"Ok, yea all that is true but that also wasn't my question. I asked if you liked him."

My mouth got a little dry as my eyes darted around the room, trying to think of what to say in response. "I mean, yea I like him, he's a good friend of mine."

"Girl." She gave me a look that somehow made me hear the smacking of teeth, even though she hadn't physically done it. Her looks were that telling; it was kind of a talent. "You know it wouldn't be tea if I was asking you if you liked him as a friend. He's a soft ass sweet ass nigga, everyone's going to like him as a friend." She then threw her hands up at her last statement.

"I don't know... sometimes I look at him and—he's been protecting me literally since I was a child and it's so crazy that we keep running into each other." Finally after nervously rambling, I settled with. "I don't wanna say."

C'yara instantly giggled and started lightly poking me causing me to squirm a little bit on the bed. "Come on, don't be a pussy Simone. Just say you like Xae, so we can get on with our game." She taunted playfully as her fingers continued to tickle my sides causing me to bust out laughing.

"OKAY OKAY... yes." I barely whispered the last part but you know she heard it anyway as she immediately began jumping up and down and clapping her hands.

"I KNEW IT! Oh my gosh, this is so crazy! He likes you too and—"

She was about to ramble but I quickly stopped her since me liking another woman's fiancé on a deeper level than friendship was nothing to be proud about in my opinion. "What? No he doesn't. He loves Bree."

She stopped to look at me and it honestly looked like she was about to say something sarcastic but instead, she just shook her head. "You really must not see the way that he looks at you. Anyway, it's your turn."

***Flashback ends***

Memories of that night with C'yara and how I felt so disgusted with myself for admitting to wanting someone I couldn't have came flooding back into my mind as my smile soon dropped. Xae's instantly did the same as he furrowed his eyebrows, looking at me with that concerning look that gets me weak every time. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing... I just remembered... that I have to go pick up my mail. It's been a week since the last time." I quickly spurt out as an excuse but at the same time, it was true.

All my mail was still going to Saint's house because I learned that it was already paid off. I think his grandparents had owned it previously and the sad part is, that's the very place he... I quickly shook those haunting thoughts out of my mind and came back to reality. "You want me to drive you? I—"

"NO! No... It's only fifteen minutes away and I'm only getting mail." I stated sternly causing him to chuckle and throw his hands up in defense.

Giving him a nervous smile, I rushed out of my designated room and grabbed the keys to Saint's car that I had been using since he passed. I left without another word to anyone and made my way over to my deceased lover's house.

Each week when I saw his house, I would just stare at it for a few minutes reminiscing on all the memories me, Saint, and Junior had in that very building. I was at my happiest there and nobody could tell me the love Saint had for Junior and I wasn't real. He treated my son like his own child and provided for him when I couldn't financially. He literally saved up thousands of dollars for me in this very situation I'm in now; without him.

I didn't know I was crying until I felt the hot tears drop from my jawline and onto my jeans, sinking into the absorbent fabric. I needed to get away from here. Quickly getting out of the car, I made my way over to the mailbox and scooped out the many letters Saint had still been receiving and some of my mail as well.

Once I got back in the car, I began sorting through the envelopes, separating my mail from his as one in particular instantly caught my eyes. It was addressed to me and was from the county Dom lives in's court office. I immediately opened it up, not knowing what I did to piss him off this time and pulled out a letter that had a full page of writing on it so I decided to skim through it.

It was a summons. Dom was requesting to take me to court for... sole custody of Junior?!

[likexporcelain]

A Crack in Everything (Chapter 5/8) - Jonerys

Summary: Six years after their high school romance ended in emotional ruin, Daenerys Targaryen runs into Jon Snow by chance on Valentine's Day, forcing old memories to resurface. This sudden reunion could be cathartic, but it could also deepen the cracks already in their hearts. The question Daenerys grapples with is, will this all be worth it in the end?

Rating: Explicit

First 5 chapters up on Ao3 -- more tags/warnings/notes there

After we had sex for the first time, it felt like everyone at school could tell. Or maybe it was just in my head. Maybe I just wanted everyone to be able to notice that mine and Jon's relationship wasn't just some super close friendship. I found myself wanting to hold his hand more in public and put my arm around his waist while we walked, to kiss him in the hallway and let everyone know that he was mine and I was his. Jon never seemed to mind either and I realized he had only held back before for my comfort.

The weather was getting hot as graduation approached – just a month away now. One day, while I was sorting through my mess of a locker looking for a hair tie to keep my waist-long hair off my sweaty neck, I was approached by a face I recognized, though we'd never officially met.

“Do you know who I am?” the red-headed underclassman asked me in a low, quiet voice like she was Deep Throat in the shadows of an underground parking garage and not the Social Sciences building at school, her Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses shielding her eyes despite us being indoors. Jon had mentioned his cousin, Sansa, had a flare for dramatics.

I closed my locker door and raised an eyebrow at her. “You're Robb Stark's sister.”

“Yes,” she huffed unhappily. She probably got that a lot, being the first Stark sibling to attend Westeros Prep since her older brother passed through the halls like high school royalty. Everyone loved Robb Stark. Even I did in the small way that one loves someone else just for being attractive and tall and not a total asshole. At the very least, he never call me the Targaryen bitch. Looking at his little sister, I doubted there was much we had in common, but I couldn't help but share her animosity for constantly being defined by a relative's existence. Robb Stark's Sister & the Targaryen Bitch. We should have started a girl band.

“But Jon Snow is also my cousin,” she continued. “You knew that, right?”

“Mhm,” I hummed, folding my arms in front of me, reserving all of my niceness until after her point was made.

“So, are you and him really. . . I mean, it's not just a joke. . ?”

“That we're together?”

“So you are together? Like, actually together?”

“Yeah, for about four months now. He never told you?”

Her lips pursed as she shook her head. “Jon doesn't really tell us things. I mean, he talks to us, sure, but he doesn't tell us things.” She took a beat to glance around us, like she was about to spill government secrets. “Look, don't be mad at him. It's good that he hasn't said anything. You probably know this, but a lot of families in this city aren't big fans of yours. To be honest, I think it's pretty silly. You seem alright to me. I actually think you're really pretty.”

My expression softened into a small smile. “Thanks. I think your --”

“I just wanted to tell you that I don't care that my cousin is dating a Targaryen. I'm not going tell my mom and dad. No one ever trusts me, but you can trust me.”

I got the feeling like I was supposed to be glad for this, but I wasn't. “Would it really be that big of a deal if they knew? I mean, I never even met my father. I'm not --”

“Yeah, but. . .” she interrupted, “you're still a Targaryen. It'll just make everyone's lives easier if they never find out. Trust me.”

“Okay,” I answered quietly, and after a quick complement about my hair, Sansa Stark was shuffling off in heels she wasn't steady on.

It was another conversation I should have paid more mind too. For a fourteen year old, Sansa had known what she was talking about. It would have been easier if Ned Stark had never found out about me and Jon. We could have pulled that off, right? We could have eloped and I would change my name to Snow. I would dye my hair and force Jon to call me Dany in front of his uncle when we'd come over for Thanksgiving dinners. Swear Sansa, and even Robb, to secrecy. A terrible plan, but I think we could have done it.

We were mere weeks from graduating. I had already gotten back all of my college acceptance and rejection letters – and one wait-list offer from Yale – and submitted my admission decision to Caltech, my second choice after Harvard sent me the old “We regret to inform you that. . .” e-mail. This was supposed to be a happy time, getting to leave Westeros Prep and start a better chapter of my life, but that all changed when I lost my job at Banana Republic. The first domino to fall.

“I won't be able to pay next month's rent. I won't be able to get a new job before I'll have to pay it, and what job would even hire someone who's going to have to quit in less than three months when the semester starts?” I was distraught, face in my hands while Jon ran his palm up and down my spine. I blamed loosing my job, but the truth was that it was my fault. If I hadn't been so upset, if I had just put on a confident face and tried to figure it all out on my own, then maybe Jon never would have felt the need to suggest what he did.

“You should come live with me,” he said. “The house is so fucking huge you barely see anyone even when the it's full of people. My bedroom is on the opposite side of the house from everyone else's, it's got it's own bathroom, and it's larger than your entire apartment. Just come live with me until we get our own place.”

Even though it was a ridiculous idea, I smiled anyway, because Jon wanted me to move in with him and how could that not make me smile. “I don't think your aunt and uncle would let that happen. Thank you, though.”

We were at my place, sitting on my bed. Jon had come over as soon as I texted him what had happened at the end of my Friday evening shift.

“Then I'll get a job and help you. I was going to have to get one after graduation anyway.”

“Even if I was comfortable letting you pay my rent for me, you wouldn't be able to find a job and get your first paycheck before my rent's due.”

“I could steal fixtures from my uncle's house and sell them.”

“Wow, chivalry really isn't dead,” I laughed.

He put his arms around me and pulled me close. “Just let me talk to him. I know he and your father had some sort of feud a long ass time ago, but Ned is actually a decent guy. Probably the most decent rich man you could meet. I think he'll want to help out once he knows how much you mean to me.”

“He'll probably think I'm using you just like everyone else.”

“You are using me, aren't you?” He ran his fingers up my side to make me giggle. “You know, for my sexy body.”

“You caught me.”

“And if you're going to move in with me, you're going to be seeing a lot of it.”

I grinned and twisted to put my arms around his neck, throwing a leg over his lap to straddle him. While we kissed, Jon laid down on his back.

“Thank you,” I whispered close to his mouth.

Running his fingers through my hair, he said “Don't thank me until I successfully convince my uncle to let a Targaryen move in.”

“I'm saying thank you for liking me even though I'm a Targaryen.”

His eyes squinted for a moment. “Targaryen is just a name. Like Stark or Snow. They're just syllables. A syllable can't dictate what kind of a person you are.”

I sat up, pouting slightly and gazing down at him with my best puppy dog eyes. “You didn't like me before you found out I was poor.”

Eyes casting away, he tapped his fingers against my hip, wearing a contemplative expression. After a bit, he looked back up at me and said “This is going to sound really pathetic, but I wasn't messing with you then because I didn't like you, I was messing with you because I did like you and I thought you would never like me.”

I blinked at him, not quite understanding.

“When I came into Chemistry on my first day, and Baratheon told me where my seat was, I remember walking over and seeing you with your wavy white hair and big blue eyes – and you were somehow already taking notes even though class hadn't even started yet – and I thought to myself, this must be the most beautiful girl on the planet. How the hell am I going to get her to notice me?”

“You're lying.”

He shook his head. “I thought all rich girls liked jerks, honestly. When I found out you weren't rich, I thought maybe I'd been going about it the wrong way.”

“Why did you wait so long to ask me out then?”

“Like I said. . . Most beautiful girl on the planet. It's a bit intimidating. You could have asked me out too, you know. Feminism and all that.”

I leaned down and kissed him, soft and slow, then whispered “Will you go out with me, Jon Snow?”

“Yes,” he answered with a sly smile, hands traveling from my hips to my butt. “Can we have sex first, though?”

Cheeks tinting red, I scrunched my nose and giggled silently while nodding my head. He flipped me onto my back. We were in love. Yes, we were young, but that didn't change anything. It wasn't platonic love, or fatuous love. It was real. We wanted the best for each other, to help each other and provide for each other. We were best friends but also wanted to fuck each other as often as possible. We respected each other and compromised. We never really fought because our personalities were so similar, and in the ways that we differed, we found love in those parts too. I really did think that we would be together forever, but forever would only last another few days.

* * * * *

When I got off my shift at Martell's the following Saturday, Jon was waiting for me out front and my eyes lit up like they hadn't since I was seventeen.

He was smiling too as he dropped his cigarette to the concrete. “Hungry?”

“Always,” I answered.

Because of our work schedules, it was difficult to spend much time together during the week so this was our first opportunity to spend real time together since he stayed the night at my house five days ago. I hadn't been able to hug him or kiss him since and I suddenly found myself too nervous to do so outside of Martell's, out in the open, like I was afraid one of the Starks would jump out from behind a bush and swat my nose with a rolled up magazine. But in Jon's Jeep, he put his hand on my thigh while he drove, and I put my hand over his.

We went to the beach and got tacos again. Jon bought some for himself too and we ate them together before walking down to the sand. The sunset was striking, pink fading into a deep purple. I toed out of my Sketchers and socks, rolled up my pants up to my knees and put my feet in the water, letting the tide wash up to my ankles before it rushed back out to the sea, sand and sediment rising over my toes. As I breathed in the salty air, I felt something small hit my back before plopping into the wet sand. I twisted around to see Jon standing above the tide line, hands behind his back and looking away, suspiciously innocent. A few seconds after turning back toward the water, I felt another soft pang of a small object hitting my back. Twisting around quicker this time, I caught Jon bringing his hands behind his back once again, lips pressed together to conceal his amusement.

“Are you throwing things at me?!” I called out to him.

He sent me an exaggerated look of confusion, bringing one hand to his chest. “I'm sorry, do I know you?!”

Shaking my head, I bent down and gathered up the wet sand in my hands before the tide could sweep back up the beach.

“What are you doing?” I heard him ask.

I stood, sculpting the sand into a smooth ball. Jon began backing away when I skipped up to him, but before he could get too far from me, I pelted the clump of sand, aiming for his chest, only to have it vaporize in mid air and fall like confetti down to the beach. While Jon laughed into his palm I glared at him with my lips pursed.

Once composed, Jon walked up to me with his arms outstretched, but I kept mine crossed defiantly over my chest. He embraced me against him and it became harder to conceal a smile. When his mouth pecked quick kisses to my forehead and cheek, though, I relented and turned my head to press my lips to his. As the kiss deepened I trailed my hand down between us, past his belt. Jon made a noise as I slid my hand right into the front pocket of his jeans and he leaned away from me with another innocent smile as I pulled out a handful of seashells.

“I've never seen those in my life,” he tried.

Shaking my head again, I dropped the shells into the sand before taking his shirt and pulling him against me, my wet toes digging into the sand as I kissed him some more before remembering we were still in public. I pulled back with a blush, turning away to find where I'd dropped my shoes.

“You're still a goofball, Jon Snow,” I told him and he seemed to take it as a complement.

We held hands on our way back to Jon's car and then he took me back to his apartment, which was just a couple blocks from the pier, an upstairs unit of a four-plex on a main road. The massive complexes on the other side of the road prevented an ocean view, but I could still smell the salt in the air. I was impressed before we even got upstairs.

Jon's was a funny apartment. It had quirks that showed how old the building must be. There was a nonoperational fireplace that now just looked like a curved wall with a square cut into it, and Jon used it to stack DVDs. The main room was divided into two sections by built in shelving and cabinetry stuffed with a massive collection of paperbacks. The front section, with a large window facing the road, was the living room, cluttered but not messy, with a deep faux-leather couch and some IKEA furniture in front of a TV mounted on the wall. He even had a PlayStation3. In the second section, which looked a lot like it was intended to be a dining room back when the floor plan was designed – I would guess the thirties – was where Jon's bed was, no larger than my full sized bed, but he actually had a headboard, wooden and sturdy.

“It's technically a one-bedroom,” Jon explained, “but the bedroom is super tiny so I just keep all my gym stuff in there.”

I made a right, walking through the small hallway. There was an archway on one side leading into a small room with a yellow kitchen – he didn't have a dishwasher either – and on the other side was the door to the bathroom. A few steps further down the hall was the “bedroom” Jon had referenced. It really was tiny. Just big enough to keep a rack of weights and a punching bag hanging from the ceiling.

“I like it,” I told him.

Back in the living room, we laid together on the couch, my cheek on his chest, his hand rubbing lazy circles against my back. I'd been telling him about work and how annoying my manager was. When I noticed some spiral bound notebooks lying across the coffee table, I stretched my arm out and took the first one my fingers met.

“What are these?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

Flipping through the notebook, my eyes scanned what looked like verses scribbled in Jon's messy handwriting. I lifted my eyes to him, grinning. “Jon, have you been writing poetry?”

His cheeks flushed, head shaking. “They aren't poems. Songs really, but I can't sing and I can't play any instruments. I've been trying to teach myself the guitar, but it isn't working out very well.”

Choosing a page at random, I recited the first stanza on the page:

“You make me feel like I am falling into pieces.

Take away all my feelings,

And I'm yours.”

I turned back to him. “Who is this about?”

With a shrug, he answered “Life, I guess.”

After shutting the notebook, I lifted myself up and placed it back where I found it. “You're talented.”

His head shook again.

“You are,” I insisted. Then, hesitantly, as I picked at a stray thread coming off the bottom hem of my shirt, I said “Jon, can I ask you something?”

“Mhm.”

“Have you loved anyone since me? It's okay if you have. I just want to know.”

His tired eyes seemed to focus more and he leaned up on his elbows.

“Wait,” I said quickly. “Never mind. I don't want to know.”

Ignoring me, Jon answered “I've only ever loved you.”

When all I did was chew on my bottom lip and stare down at my lap, Jon sat up and leaned in close to me. “You don't believe me,” he said.

“I believe you.”

“Then what's wrong? You want to know if I've been with anyone else?”

I looked at him. “Don't tell me. I already know you have. It's been six years after all. I'd be stupid to think you hadn't.”

Jon raised his hand to my cheek, running his thumb over my bottom lip. Hushed, but adamant, he said “I love you.”

To hear Jon say the words in that way, like it was a complete sentence, had me gravitating toward him until our parted lips connected, my tongue sweeping inside his mouth.

When I pulled back, we were both breathless, lips glistening. “I love you, too.”

There was still a small piece of me that wondered if this was wrong. It was the same piece that used to tell me no one would ever want me, and that I would never amount to anything, despite my best efforts. It was the piece of me that even my anti-depressants couldn't quite quash. Jon had the same piece inside of him and maybe we got it from the same place. But I never stopped believing that Jon and I were meant to be with each other, and I wasn't about to start fighting that now.

Our clothes were off before we made it to Jon's bed, wasting no time because the want was too strong. He was on top of me moments after my head hit the pillow, my legs eagerly parting for him. I had my hand around his cock, giving deliberate strokes until he was fully erect. Every time he moaned into my mouth I smiled. I positioned his erection and felt the head dip into my wetness.

Pulling away from my mouth, Jon mumbled something about a condom, then rolled off of me. I pouted a bit at the loss of warmth, then turned my eyes to watch him riffle through the drawer of his bedside table. Jon's back was to me and I gazed lustfully at the toned muscles as they subtly flexed. As Jon finally located a condom deep in the drawer, my eyes moved up to his shoulders and suddenly, my pulse began to race.

“Jon,” I said, my surprise sounding like urgency as I quickly sat up on my knees.

He twisted to look back at me, eyebrows furrowing with concern.

“You're shoulder.” I walked on my knees until I was right behind him.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath, turning forward so that he could no longer see my shocked expression. His body seemed to relax like he had just received bad news. “I'm sorry,” he then said. “I got it so long ago, and it being on my back, I sometimes forget it's even there. I meant to tell you before you saw it.”

“How long ago?” I asked, my voice hushed, mind still reeling.

“Five years maybe.”

My fingers raised to the back of his right shoulder, grazing the flesh where it was inked with black, red and a sparkle of silver, where tall, curling cursive letters spelled out 'Targaryen.'

“Is it weird?”

“Yes,” I breathed before I leaned forward, pressing my lips to the 'g.' “But, I like it.”

His head turned to the side, peering at me over his shoulder. “I did always love your name.”

Wrapping my arms around his middle, I pressed more kisses to his skin, all the way up his neck. I plucked the condom from his hand and scooted backward, back to the center of the bed so that Jon could climb back over me. I scraped my bottom lip with my teeth. Eyes flickering toward the condom between my fingers as I said “You don't have to. I have an IUD. Birth control.”

Only a moment passed before he was taking the condom back from me and I thought he had decided to use it anyway, but instead, he tossed it back into his open nightstand drawer. Another second and his mouth was on mine. My knees raised and again I felt his erection nudging my slick pussy, and almost as soon as his hand was between my legs, I felt his cock enter me.

A week ago, we had made love with me rising and falling on his lap with a careful sensuality until we both came through soft whimpers and quiet moans. Tonight, though, Jon made love to me by fucking me into his bed and sucking on my neck while I had one hand clawing short nails into his back and the other planted firmly against the headboard behind my head. The next time that surreptitious piece of my brain would try to tell me I shouldn't be with Jon, I'd remember this night. I'd remember his hot mouth on my neck, his strong hands on my ass, and his bare cock thrusting deep inside me over and over in just the right spot while I beg him to cum inside me.

Afterward, lying spent on top of his sheets, he explained to me the rest of his tattoos: a wolf on his bicep, like the statue outside of the Stark estate – his mother's date of birth and death printed within the fur – then a small design dedicated to the Army and one dedicated to the friends he'd lost. He told me about them as well.

“Eleven,” he said. “That's how many men died. But, for some reason, I lived. For a long time I thought I shouldn't have. I thought that twelve men should have died, not eleven.”

With my hand rested on his chest, atop the scar and above his heart, I said “Zero men should have died.”

“I know that now.”

“I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like if you had died. If, instead of running into you at Whole Foods, I ran into Sam or one of your cousins and they told me you had died. . . I would. . . It would have torn me apart.”

He leaned up on an elbow and kissed me. “Then I'm glad I didn't die.”

“Good, because I need you. You're part of me.”

Shaking his head slowly, he ran his hand up the curve of my hip to rest on my waist. “I'm not going anywhere.”

At only twenty-three, I had felt like an old woman, like the rest of my life would be spent cursing past mistakes and mourning lost potential. But then I found Jon again, and suddenly, I realized how young twenty-three was. I had my whole life ahead of me. I could still get a college degree. I could still have a career and a small house on a big piece of land. Goats and dogs and lizards. I could still get married and maybe even still have two kids by the time I turn thirty. I could still want things. I could still get the things that I deserve. I could still be happy.

[daddyconfessions]

daddy’s journal: 3/23/16

daddy’s journal 3/16/16

Monday Mar 7th Even though Firecracker and I had ended things, I woke up feeling pretty good. I’d thought I’d be miserable all day. All week even. But nope.

About mid morning, Pops (my boss) walks into my office. “Is your report ready?” I told him it wasn’t ready yet. “Come on. I need you to get it done. I want to read over it before we submit it.” The Board of Directors were meeting Wednesday and I had to submit my departments report. I don’t’ have to present to the board. They just take my report and read over at some point, if at all. But, if they have questions one needed to be ready to answer. I barely even worked on mine since I I thought I was getting fired all last week. Pops chewed me out about it. Then said, “Get ‘er done. By the end of the day.”

Lowkey I had kind of been looking forward to the layoff. I’d much rather be in the San Francisco eating some Italian food with Antonia. Or, smoking some good weed down in L.A. Fucking around on Venice Beach. Definitely wanted to turn up in in Hollywood.  Oh well. Its all for the best I suppose.

Tigress texted me in the afternoon wanting me to meet her. “We can just meet for drinks,” she said. “Something informal. I know you’ll like me once we meet.” Old chicks can be thirsty when they like you. Its a big difference from dealing with a young 20 something. I told her I’d get back to her but never did. It was all good though. It kept my mind off FC. I still had questions about why she was acting weird the past 4 weeks and then ended things. Lots of things just didn’t make sense. In a rare moment of bitch-assness, I felt I needed closure. Time to consult the Oracle.  

Tuesday Mar 8th Firecracker texted me that morning to tell me to have a nice day. It was going to be raining really bad and I needed to be careful. WTF? Is this chick playing games or what? Definitely got to consult the Oracle later tonight.

Pops came by my office again. “Is your report ready?” he asked. I told him I was putting the finishing touches on it. “Good,” he said. “We’re deciding bonuses tomorrow too.”

My mouth dropped. “I thought we wouldn’t be getting bonuses this year?” I asked. He chuckled and asked, “ Why not?”  I told him with the downturn and all the layoffs I figured we wouldn’t have one. He smiled: “All the layoffs increased revenue. We all think the Board will be happy with the actions we’ve taken. We have our core staff now and the sentiment is we need to send a message to everyone. We should have some good bonuses this year.”

We talked a bit more and then he left. I set back like

I went from getting laid off to getting a bonus? I was kicking myself from being paranoid. Then I thought about all the people that had lost their job and how I was benefiting from it. It was bittersweet. Corporate America...cold af. I decided to spend a little extra time on my report tho :)

That night I called the Oracle and told her everything about FC. “You know you’re not going to believe this,” she said. “But sounds like your girl is or was pregnant. I told you about my abortion before. I did all the same shit. I cried my heart out. Quit talking to every man in my life but my daddy.” I laughed out loud.

“Now it all makes sense,” she continued. “ The last time you were together she was crying. There’s only a few things that would make a strong chick cry to a man. Especially given your situation. And the way she was crying it had to be something pretty serious. I thought it was another guy but nah. This chick was pregnant. I’m telling you, I did the same shit. I got pregnant and I was mad at every dude I was talking to, even the ones I wasn’t talking to anymore. Nah she didn’t have a STD. Her ass was pregnant.”

I told her that was pretty far fetched. I mean, the Oracle usually gives good advice and 95% of the time she’s right. I think this was one was falling into the 5% range. The Oracle was like, “Think about dude. Put everything in perspective. She kept missing your dates. Then when you met, she cried like a baby. Needed you to give her a big hug. Then the next week she suddenly needs money. The amount she asked for sounds about like the cost of an abortion. Then she comes up with this discharge stuff and how she’s going to the doc and she’ll have to see you later.

“Then the next day she orchestrates the breakup. I’m telling you, she just needed an excuse to put you off. She was really playing you to let her symptoms clear up. Sounds like she went to the doc and realized she couldn’t have sex for several days after the abortion. And wtf happened to the money she needed? Mom or Dad probably gave her the money for the abortion. Or the dude she was pregnant by. And you better be glad you been wearing a condom. If it was your baby trust me she would be keeping it. Dude...give her about 2 weeks. She’ll be back. I put that on everything.” The Oracle went on with her read telling me how FC probably feeling pretty miserable and how after the abortion and things cleared up she’d feel like she got her mojo back. “My advice is to just pass on FC when she comes back around. Just concentrate on Bubbles.”

I had to admit it was the only thing that fit into the strange behavior, if nothing else explains the big crying spell she went through. Still it was pretty fantastic. I told the Oracle if FC came back I’d give her $100. She laughed. “Dude. Go ahead and give me my money now. This chick is coming back. I’m telling you.”

Then I admitted FC had already texted me today saying to say have a nice day. She was like, “Yea that $100 I’m getting may nails and toenails done...maybe I’ll put that on some shoes.....” We ended the call and I felt a sigh of relief.

Jynx texted me right before I went to bed. “Don’t forget about me daddy,” she said. Truth was I had forgot about her with all the FC excitement. But with FC gone I suddenly had more time on my hands. I texted Jynx back and told her I’d see her next week.

Wednesday March 9th Board of Director’s meeting. I put on a suit and got to work early. Not my one of my tailored ones. Some of the rack stuff. Had to down play my image a bit. If I got called into the BoD meeting I’d be ready tho.

However, the hours ticked by and nothing but closed doors and muffled voices from the Executives. Meanwhile, Tigress had been texting me. Still pushing to meet. She was a persistent little monster. And confident. I liked that shit even though I was really interested. But, with Firecracker out of the picture, I had a little free time.  I text her back and told her we could meet briefly that afternoon at Starbucks. By then the board should be done. She agreed.

A little bit before the meet, she texted “Can we meet at Alvin’s for drinks?” I told her I preferred to meet at Starbucks. “Well I’d prefer to meet for drinks,” she said. WTF? Now she’s been difficult. So I replied, “Do you want to meet or not?” We kept it at Starbucks.

Tigress was a pretty good looking woman. Definitely old enough to be some 20 year olds mother. She still could hold her own tho. Old cougar -- fucking with a young guy like me.  “I didn’t mean anything by wanting to change and meet for drinks,” she said. “I just had a little more time this afternoon and figured we could have drinks.”

“We can do something more formal next time,” I said. “I just wanted to get this meet out of the way.”

She smiled. “I’m used to getting what I want. So when you asked me if I want to meet or not, that kind of turned me on. I’m not used to a man being like that with me. “ I smiled back. “There’s not a lot of men like me.”

We talked for a good 30 minutes. Tigress was older than me but never said how much. She has her own house. Her kids are teenagers and decided to go live with their father so she’s in the big house all by herself. I told Tigress I was sorry for being so hard to schedule with. She told me she had a feeling about me. “I don’t know,” she said. “Its just something about you.” I was like, “How’s that? You hadn’t met me. We’ve only texted.” She was like “Yea, but you can tell how a person says things. Their word usage. Nah. I knew I had to meet you.”

We ended things with promises to meet again soon.

Thursday March 10th The board meeting went good. I didn’t get called into answer questions or anything. Overall the board was happy with the way things were going. Things were looking good at work.

I was leaving work for the day when the Payroll manager called me to her office. We’ve been cool since I started working there. Tight like frog’s ass. She let me know I was getting a bonus and how much it would be. I was like

I was in a pretty good mood when I pulled up to the restaurant to meet Bubbles. Firecracker picked the wrong time to break up with her sugardaddy. Bubbles was inside waiting when I got there, wearing some cute little denim one piece, hair up in a bun and what not. “Oh I love your outfit,” the hostess told her as she grabbed a couple of menus. She gave Bubbles the once over. I swore it was some lowkey lesbian shit. Appropriate since Bubbles is bi-sexual. The waitress wasn’t bad looking herself. For a moment I imagined what it would be like if we all got a room together.

“I’m sorry for cancelling so much,” B told me. “I’m feel so bad for doing that to you.” I told her not to worry about it. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “I really like you,” she said. “And that mouth of yours. Oh my god.” We both laughed. We talked for almost an hour about everything. I brought up the subject of an allowance again. “I’m still open to giving you an allowance baby. Something more structured than per meet. If you want to keep doing per meet that’s fine. But I’d like to really help you out. Maybe I can help with your rent and stuff.” I almost said pay her car note, but then I remembered that old bucket was paid for.

“That’s perfect babe,” she said. “I quit my job.  Well I didn’t really quit. I just didn’t go in one day and I haven’t been back since.” I asked what happened. “With you, my friends and my son, I just couldn’t keep up with it.” She grabbed my hand again. “I defnitely want to spend more time with you. I want to do more. See you more than once a week.” I smiled. It all sounded good to me. But curiously she never said she accepted the offer. I let it ride for now. “Let’s get out of here babe,” she winked her eye. “Let’s go have some fun.”

I got the check, paid the waiter and we were on our way. “Bye,” Bubbles told the hostess as we left. The hostess was like, “I love your hair like that. Its cute.” I better get Bubbles out of there before these two chicks start tribbing.

Bubbles had parked near the door. We talked about her following me to the hotel but I gave her the address instead.  Her trying to follow me in her car was torture. It was slow as hell and she’d always get stuck at a light when following me. As I looked at the car again, I figured it probably wasn’t a good idea to be looking at Celine bags for Bubbles. Shit I’m thinking the bag probably cost more than her car. Later for that one.

I was in the room waiting by the time she showed up. We were both kind of tipsy so the clothes just seemingly fell off us. I spun her around and made her crawl onto the bed. I crawled on behind her and starting licking that kitty from the back.

She came quick and literally collapsed on the bed in front of me, her body and a steamy pulp. While she was out of it, I flipped her over and went back to work, sharing my knowledge with that clit. I sucked it while I licked it. “Fuck!” she yelled. “Eat my pussy!” And ate it I did.

She grabbed my head and as she came she squeezed it tight. Her orgasm were always violent IMHO. Her back arched up off the bed and her body contorted like she was in the Exorcist or some shit. She let out this long moan and then went limp. I stopped for a bit to let her gather her faculties. I started licking again. “Baby you eat my pussy so good,” she said. I put my hands under her little ass and lifted her up so that the kitty was level with my face. She started gyrating, rubbing that wet muff all in my face. Before long she was coming again. She let a long “Ooooooooo god“ and started convulsing again. I let her down on the bed while she grabbed her breast and squeezed the nippples. “Shit.” she growled.

I let her rest for a few minutes before I went all Moses on her again and parted the pink sea. The kitty was tight as usual. I went in slow at first and surprisingly I was able to get most of Bart in. “Fuck me,” she yelled. “Please.” I went to work, half scared to give her the full onslaught. We got a pretty good motion before she stopped me. I think she’s sort of paranoid that I might actually hurt her somehow. After a baby though? That kitty is ready. “Let me get on top,” she said suddenly.  “Are you sure?” I asked but she was already pushing me off her. “Seems like that might be more painful.”

I let her get on top she and she actually got Bart in pretty far. But she doesn’t know how to ride dick. It was kind of funny watching her bounce up and down but not actually putting the dick inside her. It was the weirdest shit ever. She was just making a bunch of movements. I almost burst out laughing from the shit. Sometimes I love the sugar bowl. I grabbed her hips and guided her down on the dick to help out.  “Oh fuck,” she said. “That feels good.” That did the trick. Not too far down, just enough to make an impression. She came again. “Shit,” she said. “I didn’t expect that.” What the hell was she expecting? She tired to get up but I wouldn’t let her. “Get you another one,” I instructed her.

“Huh?” she asked. “Get you another nut baby,” I repeated. She frowned and said, “I can’t baby. I’m done.”

I took her by the waist again and made her go up and down on Bart. She took over, and started riding him, yelling all kinds of expletives. “Fuck. Shit. Jesus. Damn.” Then she came. This time she jumped up off the dick and just laid on me. I kissed her neck and upper body while she grappled with the pleasure in her body.

“Babe you always  make me cum,” she said after a moment. We kissed and then she stopped and got wide eyed again. “Fuck I’m cumming again.” She raised up on her knees and started rubbing her pussy violently. “Oh God!” she screamed. I thought she was about to squirt the way she was rubbing that clit. NO sooner had she started then did she stop. Her head and neck was twitching and her eyes were going back in her head. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it. I got some good dick but I can’t really take credit for this stuff.

I let her rest for a bit then tried to get her back on me for my final climax but she wanted me to finish in her mouth. I’m starting to think she like this shit. I relaxed and let her finish me off with some of that cranium.

We both laid there and fell asleep for a second before one of our phones went off. We both jumped up realizing the time. I needed to get home to the wife and kids and she needed to get home to her son. We freshened up, got dressed, and said our goodbyes.

[dangomew]

I feel super down... right now it feels like everyone hates me. I can hear them bitching about me in the pub in my head, talking about how pathetic I am.

People keep dropping out of my birthday party. It feels like I’m back in school again. I was the weird one who never got invited to parties, and showed up to my own party at bowling with no one there. All the decorations and cake and I was sat there like an idiot with a party hat. Alone. I think that was the time I realised just how much others didn’t like me. They said they’d be there and would come. But the excuses just kept rolling in..... some never even said why.

I’m scared my party will be like that next week. I’m dropping £2,500 on renting the house. On top of that is food, booze and a DJ. And people who said that they would come are just dropping out like flies... without reason.

I know people are coming, and I’m thankful for that so much. But I’m just so upset about people dropping out for seemingly no reason. In my mind it’s because they dislike me so much they won’t even attend a free/super cheap weekend away with me.

I saved up for months for this. Sacrificed a lot. I’ve had to use an inheritance to pay for it as so few people have paid their share of the place. I sent invites out in January so it’s not last minute. Mind says the only reason people are dropping out is because they literally hate me.They can’t be bothered to socialise with me, which was already proven this year.

I’m never, ever doing this for people again. I’m sick of being so generous and having it flung back into my face. My autism makes me trusting and generous. I hate it. I just get taken advantage of, and I realise that now. I used to try and buy friends in Primary school too. I’d get sweets and gel pens and give them out. I felt loved, and was encouraged to do it more and more. They’d take the sweets and let me hang out with them in playtime instead of leaving me on the bench alone.

I don’t hate people for dropping out. I’m just more annoyed. Annoyed for the ones who didn’t bother saying sorry to me. Every space on the ‘going’ list cost about £100. So every drop out is costing me £100 for an empty bed space. And when someone drops out, with no reason or apology it’s costing me £100 for empty space. If I had known the *actual* number of people going, I could have got a smaller, cheaper house.

Basically I just hate the culture of flakey people who don’t think of the concequences to others. Would they drop out of a wedding like this? My dad, a solicitor, says legally I could even sue the drop outs. Of course I’m not going to, but it really hammered the seriousness into me.

I’m just going to go to the party knowing that true friends are going to be there, and I’m going to get hammered. I keep getting a feeling this will be my last birthday. If it is I’m going to enjoy it as much as possible, even though my actual birthday will be 2 days after the party.

So far I’ll be spending the actual birthday totally alone. I’m not even suprised at this. Fuck birthdays.

Again, importantly, I’m not mad at people who dropped out and said anything and apologised, or who dropped out earlier. But one week before the event, a drop out with just a click of a button on facebook, is shitty. That click cost me £100. And people didn’t even apologise.

I’m so fucking doped on pain meds so this might not make anys sense.

TL;DR If you say you’re attending an event that the host has PAID for you to attend, don’t drop out a week before the event and not say ANYTHING or apologise. Learn some fucking etiquette.

[morrisondauthor]

“Is This Love”

           Valentine’s Day was always crappy for me because I’d never been in love on that day. Hell, I don’t think I’d ever been in love. The few men that I’ve had relationships with were basically jerks who liked the way I sucked their dicks and/or took advantage of me being nice. So when I met and got involved with Raekwon, I decided to do things differently. I wasn’t as nice with him and I withheld sex until I felt the time was right, which was over a month after we met. He let me know upfront that he wasn’t perfect and that his main priority was staying out of trouble. I ended up giving him a chance and I prayed every day that it wasn’t a mistake.

           “I want you to move in,” I told him immediately after morning sex.

           He looked over at me, laughed for a quick second, and then replied, “Damn, I ain’t know the dick was that good to you.”

           “I’m serious, Rae.”

           “Boo, as much as I like spendin’ the night over here and everything, I can’t just move out on my homeboy like that. We split the rent and he won’t be able to afford the place on his own.”

           “Tell him immediately so he can find someone else.”

           “El, I can’t do that right now. I’m sorry, baby.”

           “I just had to ask. It’s been on my mind ever for a while now.”

           “If I could move in with you today, I’d do it. You know I would.” He pushed the covers off of him and climbed out of my bed. “Damn, where my boxers at?”

           “They’re over here on my side.” I reached down to the floor and picked his boxers up. “If you want them then come and get them, big boy.” I put them behind my back. He laughed and quickly got on top of me and started kissing me.

           I met Raekwon Johnson six months ago while on my lunch break. There’s this Mexican restaurant that I always ate at for lunch not far from my job, and one day all the tables were taken. So I randomly sat down at one of the tables where only one person was sitting, and he was that person sitting there. I usually didn’t do things like that but when I’m hungry, I do crazy things. At first, I thought he was going to be homophobic and tell me to get up; but then he smiled and actually began a conversation with me. As a result, we had our first date the moment we first met.

           Raekwon was unlike any other guy I’d been with due to how honest he was. He told me upfront that he was openly bisexual but that he struggled with it because of how many friends he’d lost due to it. He told me about how he spent nearly five years in prison for shooting a man in a nightclub. He even told me about how afraid he was of being alone due to how his mama used to abandon him when he was a kid. I’d never been with a man who allowed himself to be vulnerable in the way Raekwon did. It seemed like most masculine queer men in Atlanta were afraid of being vulnerable or allowing themselves to be compassionate. I understood the reason for it, but at the same time I was annoyed by it.

                                        Me (Elgin Hathaway)

           “You’re cooking?” I asked as I entered the kitchen after my shower. “Baby, you didn’t have to do that.”

           “It’s just some burnt bologna and eggs,” he said with a laugh. “It’s Valentine’s Day and since I’m gonna be workin’ late, I figured I might as well do somethin’ special for you.”

           “Aw, thank you.” I stepped over to the stove and kissed him before going over to the table and sitting down. “How late will you be working?”

           “After my construction shift, I’m workin’ a six to eleven security shift at that science lab place that hired me last week.”

           “I’m a little upset that I have to spend most of Valentine’s Day without you, but I can’t get mad at you wanting to make money.”

           “I know this our first V-Day and it’s supposed to be special, so you don’t have to put on an act with me, Elgin.”

           “It’s not an act, baby. Believe it or not, I’ve never really celebrated Valentine’s Day.”

           “Never?”

            I shook my head and told him, “All of the men, and I mean all, that I’ve been with just weren’t Valentine’s Day material. I’ve never gotten flowers or balloons or even candy. I know those are just material things but little things like that are good to have every once in a while.”

           “Hmm, if I didn’t know any better I’d think that was a hint.” He smiled and then turned back to the stove to put the food on two plates for us. He brought them to the table and then sat down across from me. “So, what you got planned for the day?”

                                           Raekwon Johnson

           “Work. Terry and Ivan want me to hang out with them tonight, but I’m probably just gonna come back here and wait for you to get off work so you can either come over or we can talk on the phone.”

           “You should hang out with your friends, boo. I don’t want you to be by yourself on V-Day.”

           “It’s fine, Rae. I’m used to it. At least I can say I’m in a beneficial relationship for the first time. I can’t remember the last time I was this happy.”

           He flashed this cocky smile and asked, “I make you happy, huh?”

           “Okay, don’t get a bighead.” I laughed and informed him, “Making me happy is the easy part. Keeping me happy is where the hard work kicks in.”

           “Well, I’m a hard worker.”

           “You better be.” I smiled as I began to eat the breakfast he’d cooked. “Mmm, this is good, baby.”

           “Yeah, I did my thing.”

           “You sure did. Mmm.”

           After eating breakfast, he headed out so he could get back to his place to shower and change for work. I headed out a little while later for work and while driving, I had the strangest experience. It happened when I stopped at this red light in the midtown area. It began with butterflies in my stomach and then goosebumps formed all over my skin. I could feel myself blushing as my cheeks began to scrunch up like I’d just eaten something very sweet for the first time in a long time. My heart was pounding and I had to take a few deep breaths and exhale slowly. It wasn’t until cars blew their horns at me that I realized the light had jumped to green. I resumed driving and when I got to my job, I sat in my car for a little while trying to wrap my mind around what that sensation was all about.

           “Good morning, babes,” my friend and coworker Terry said the moment I entered the boutique. He noticed the look on my face and asked, “Elgin, you okay?”

           “Yeah,” I told him as I approached the front counter. “Terry, I just had the weirdest feeling on my way here. I had butterflies in my stomach and my heart was racing and my cheeks felt weird like I’d eaten a piece of candy for the first time in months. It had me so distracted that I lost control of reality for like a few seconds.”

           “Hmm, that is weird. Is something on your mind?”

           “Not really. I mean, today is Valentine’s Day and for the first time I’m actually in a decent relationship. I just don’t know…”

           “Oh my God.” His eyes widened and he had this big smile on his face. “El, you’re in love.”

           “Terry, I’m being serious. Maybe I’m coming down with the flu or something.”

           “Nope, you have been bit by the lovebug, boo-boo.”

           “What does any of that have to do with being in love?”

           “Trust me, I’ve been there. That shit really does hit you out of the blue. But damn, you’ve been with Raekwon for like six months now. What took you so long?”

           “I’m not in love with him yet, Terry.”

           “You may think that but your body doesn’t agree. Your senses don’t agree. You’re probably being too stubborn as usual.”

           I laughed and told him, “You’re crazy. I’m happy with Rae but that doesn’t mean I’m in love. Love takes time.”

           “Baby boy, you can’t predict when love calls. It don’t work like that. You could’ve fallen in love with him on the day you met if it was meant to be that way.”

           “Whatever. I’m gonna go clock in.”

           I walked to the back of the store and put my thumb on the thumbprint reader so that I could be clocked in for my shift. After that, I sat my bag down and took off my jacket. I was about to put my phone on silent but Raekwon sent me a text message asking me to have lunch at that Mexican restaurant we met at. I told him I’d be there and then I put my phone on silent and stashed it away in my bag on the floor before heading back out front to help Terry.

           “Mrs. Lewis is trippin’,” Terry said as we set up a display together in the display window. “She wants me to come in on Saturday because one of them bitches asked her for Saturday off. She knows I don’t do weekends.”

           “Ooh, I feel you,” I told him. “I don’t do weekends either. Are you gonna do it?”

           “What choice do I have? I don’t wanna get on her bad side. You know nobody else around here pays sixteen dollars an hour. I’m trying to go back to college after next summer so I need this money.”

           “I hear you.”

           He held up the dress we were going to be putting on the mannequin and asked, “Why do these women pay so much money for something like this? It’s just a simple black dress.”

           “I don’t know. Probably because the fabric feels nice.” I helped him get the dress on the mannequin before asking, “About this love thing, if I am in love then what am I supposed to do? I haven’t said the three words to Raekwon and he hasn’t said them to me yet.”

           “Yep, that’s usually the problem. Who will say it first? I’ve been on both sides. I’ve said it first and I’ve also had it said to me first. The only advice I could give you is to wait for the perfect moment to say it. If that moment doesn’t come, then maybe he’ll say it before you get the chance.”

           “I’ve been with guys for more than a year before and they never say it. I did have one boyfriend who said it but I’m sure he didn’t mean it. I’m scared that if I do say it to Rae, he won’t say it back.”

           He laughed and said, “Bitch, please. You know if you say it then that nigga will say it back with the quickness. You got that nigga whipped. He’s always calling or texting you to let you know where he is and shit. I wish Hassan’s no-good ass was like that.”

           “How are you and Hassan by the way?”

           “We’re cool. He’s still mad about me being friends with my ex, but we’re cool.”

           “That’s good. I told you the day we met him in the mall that he was the one for you, Terry.”

           He giggled and admitted, “Yeah, you did. You were right. Damn, I can’t believe it’s been two years.”

           “I know.”

           We finished setting up the display and stepped away from the window. After unlocking the door for customers to come in, he asked me, “Are you coming out tonight with me and Ivan?”

           “Nah, I’m just gonna kick it at home. Rae has to work and I’m not really in the mood to celebrate Valentine’s Day.”

           “You’re never in the mood to celebrate it. When are you gonna stop being so damn stubborn and let go of your past experiences, El? Raekwon isn’t Darrius or James or any other nigga who did you wrong. Even you can agree he’s been different than them fuckboys.”

           “He has but…”

           “There is no but. You said he makes you happy, right?”

           “Yes.”

           “Then allow that happiness to grow. He took a chance by letting you into his life the same way you took a chance by letting him into yours. You owe it to yourself and to him to see where this goes. There’s nothing wrong with love, El. It can be scary but it’s worth the ride.”

           As usual, Terry had given me sound advice. Out of all my friends, he was always the one who made me stop and think about what was best for me. So when my lunchbreak rolled around, I went to the Mexican restaurant with the courage to tell Raekwon that I did love him. However, he wasn’t there when I got there. I sat down at an empty table and placed my order with the waiter. I texted Raekwon while I waited but he didn’t text back, which I thought was strange.

           “Hi,” said a guy who looked like the manager of the restaurant. “You’re Elgin, right?”

           “Um, yes,” I said nervously.

           “I was shown a picture of you and paid to give you this.” He handed me a note and then walked away.

           I had no idea what the hell was going on. I looked at the note and read it:

           The note was so cute that it made my heart skip a beat. I wanted to pull out my phone and see what was exactly at that address, but I decided to leave it up to surprise. I couldn’t believe Raekwon was surprising me like this. The butterflies were in my stomach again. After eating my lunch and heading back to the boutique, I looked at the clock and waited for five-thirty to arrive.

           “Why do you keep looking at the clock?” Terry asked me. “Your eyes aren’t going to make the time go by faster.”

           “I wasn’t going to say anything,” I told him, “but Rae gave me this cute ass note.” I pulled the note out and handed it to him.

           He read it and said, “Aw, this shit is so cute and romantic. Damn, your man has good handwriting. What do you think he has planned?”

           “I don’t know but I’m looking forward to it. I can’t believe he’s doing this. And all because I said I never really celebrated Valentine’s Day before.”

           “Aw, that means he listened to you. See, you don’t have anything to worry about, El. I bet he has some real special shit planned for you.”

           That workday couldn’t have ended fast enough for me. The moment five-thirty rolled around, I clocked out and grabbed my stuff. I drove to the address Raekwon had written down in the note and was surprised to see it was a flower shop. I entered and slowly made my way up to the front counter.

           “Hi,” said a woman as she noticed me standing there. “How may I help you?”

           “Um, I’m not sure,” I told her. “My name is Elgin and…”

           “Oh, you’re Elgin.” She smiled and reached under the counter and pulled out this basket filled with red roses and blue violets. There was a note tucked in, separating the violets from the roses. “Here you go.” She handed the basket to me. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

           “Thank you.” I walked out of the shop and after getting back into my car, I read the note that was tucked in between the flowers:

           I laughed to myself as I started up my car and began driving towards the McDonald’s. I still couldn’t believe how quickly he’d put this whole thing together. Normally, I’d think something like this was a little cheesy or corny, but I was all giddy inside. I arrived at the McDonald’s off of Ponce de Leon Avenue in midtown Atlanta. I walked in and the moment I walked to the order side, the girl behind the register smiled and said, “One second.”

           “Okay,” I said back, not knowing what to expect.

           She made a medium-sized strawberry milkshake and after putting the whipped cream and cherry on top, she pulled a note out of her back pocket. She handed both the milkshake and note to me and said, “Your boyfriend is really sweet. And you look just as cute in the photo he showed me as you do in person, Elgin. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

           “Thank you.” I walked back out to my car and read the letter once I was inside:

           I drank the milkshake as fast as I could—giving myself several brain freezes—before restarting my car and driving it to the next address. I ended up at the Ansley mall, which I’d never been to before. So I walked in and located the store number he’d written in the note. I swear I damn near jumped out of my skin when I saw it was a jewelry store. I really had to calm myself because I didn’t want people looking at me weird if I lost it right there in that store.

           “Are you Elgin?” the old white man behind the counter asked the moment I stepped into the store.

           “Yes,” I replied excitedly as I approached him.

           “I’ve been expecting you.” He pulled out a small black velvet box and a note and handed them to me. “Those are for you from Raekwon. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

           Shaking and with my heart pounding in my chest, I told him, “Thank you, sir.” I didn’t want to open the small black velvet box because I knew I would probably cry and I was an ugly crier for real. So I made my way back to my car and once inside, I opened the small box to see two diamond earrings inside. And the diamonds were real! I shook my head and said to myself, “No he didn’t! That’s it, he’s getting some ass tonight. Any way he wants it.” I looked at myself in my rearview mirror as I took out my current earrings and put in the diamond ones. They looked amazing. I then looked at the note and read it:

           I drove home and hurried inside to see what he’d planned next. When I walked into my bedroom and saw what was on my bed, I immediately thanked myself for giving him a key to my apartment in January. He’d bought me a new outfit from H&M and some new Timberlands that I could already tell would look good on me. The black cardigan sweater matched the black skinny pants and the sweatshirt had this cute beige and black stripe design. I had tears in my eyes not only because he’d bought all that stuff, but also because he knew my fashion taste to a T. He even knew what sizes I wore for everything.

           “Damn, baby,” I said to myself as I wiped my eyes. I pulled myself together and picked up the note that was lying on my bed beside the clothes and read it:

           “Oh, I’m gonna show off tonight,” I said to myself as I pulled out my phone to text Terry and Ivan.

           A couple of hours later, I took a shower and put on my new outfit. I felt so good and sexy and confident as I left my apartment. Raekwon had already set himself apart from any of my previous boyfriends before that day, but now I was really blown away. I still believed the material things weren’t that important, but I sure didn’t mind them. And when I saw the looks on my friends’ faces when I met up with them at our favorite bar, I just lit up inside.

           “I thought you said he hates spending money?” Ivan asked me. “That nigga done spent hella money on your Blasian looking ass.”

           I laughed and told him, “The close are from H&M so they couldn’t have been that expensive.”

           “Altogether though, he probably spent a good grip,” chimed in Terry. “I can tell from here that those diamonds in your ear are real.”

           “I think the note thing was adorable,” said Ivan. “He did all of that while on his lunchbreak?”

           I took a quick sip from my martini and answered, “Yep.”

           “I can’t believe you were worried,” Terry told me. “Your man is obviously in love with you.”

           “I wish I had a man,” said Ivan. “When y’all leave here, you get to go home to your men to have some Valentine’s Day sex. I gotta go home to my bitchy ass roommate. Y’all always have all the luck.”

           “Your time will come, Ivan,” I told him. “And Rae won’t be home when I get back. He’s working late tonight. I’ll probably be sleep by the time he stops by.”

           “I bet you’re still gonna give him some ass,” Terry joked.

           “Of course I am. Shit, he’s earned it. He can have this ass any way he wants it tonight. And I don’t care anymore, I’m gonna tell him I love him first. That man has removed all of my doubts.”

           “Aw,” said Ivan. “I’m happy for you, El.”

           “Me, too,” said Terry. We shared a brief group hug and then ordered another round of drinks.

           I’d made the right decision by taking a taxi that night because I had one too many drinks and was tipsy as hell by the time I was leaving. I went back home and after paying the taxi driver, I went up to my apartment. The moment I walked in and noticed a bunch of candles were lit all over the place, I knew Raekwon was up to yet another surprise. He’d told me in his last note that he had something else planned but I thought I’d have to wait until he got off work. I closed the door and stepped further into the apartment, and that’s when I could hear some soft music playing in my kitchen. I walked in there to see his fine ass standing by stove.

           “What are you doing here?” I asked with a smile. “I thought you were working your second job until late.”

           “I was,” he explained, “but the other dude workin’ security told me he’d cover for me after I told him this is my first Valentine’s Day with the special person in my life. Come here, baby.”

           I stepped up to him and he wrapped his arms around me. He kissed the top of my head and then pulled back to kiss my lips while keeping his arms around me. I smiled big and asked, “What else do you have planned?”

           “Our dinner is heating up in the oven right now. It’s takeout from Red Lobster. I wanted us to eat in there but with work and shit, I knew it would be impossible to get a table this late. I know I had to nigga-rig this shit up but I hope it was enough for you. Happy V-Day, boo.”

           “Baby, this is more than I could ever want. You really didn’t have to do all this.”

           “Yes I did. My boo never had a real Valentine’s Day and after you told me that, it damn near broke my heart. Baby, you deserve this and more. All of them fuckboys you were with before me need to be ashamed of themselves. Shit is mad pathetic. How could they not do anything special for your cute ass?”

           I giggled as tears filled my eyes. I felt that feeling again that I’d felt earlier that morning on my way to work as I stared into his eyes and softly said, “Raekwon, I love you.”

           “I love you, too, baby. I love you, too.” He kissed me again and then pulled away to get our food out of the oven. “You know, when I was locked up I used to think about what my life would be like when I found the right woman or man. It was one of the things that kept me focused on changing my life. I’ve loved before but I ain’t never felt like I was with the person that I was supposed to be with until I met you. I don’t know how it is for you, but about two months into our relationship I started gettin’ this knot in my stomach. I know I should’ve told you a long ass time ago that I love you but I’m still tryin’ to adjust to all this.”

           “That’s exactly how I feel, baby.”

           “It is?”

           “Yeah. The only thing is I just had that experience today.”

           He brought the food to the table and sat down across from me before saying, “Now that we’re both on the same page, I think the time is right to tell you I told my homeboy he’s gonna have to find a new roomie in a few weeks. Boo, I wanna move in here with you.”

           “Rae, for real?”

           “Yeah, baby.”

           “Aw, baby.” I got up and sat down on his lap. “Thank you so much.”

           “For what, wantin’ to move in with you?”

           “No, for making this Valentine’s Day the best of my life. And also for breaking my curse with boyfriends.” We shared a laugh when I said that. “Seriously, thank you for coming into my life, Raekwon.”

           “And thank you for comin’ into mine.” He kissed my lips a few times before saying, “Now let’s eat so we can get to the grown and sexy shit. You know I’ve been horny all day.”

           I smiled at him and told him, “Oh, I’m gonna put it on you tonight. Best believe that, baby.”

           “That’s wassup, boo. Damn, I love you.”

           I laid my head on his shoulder while he ate and told him, “And I love you. I can hear you say that over and over again, and I will say it right back to you. For as long as you need me to.”

[Disclaimer]: Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.

© D.A. Morrison 2017

[strawberryspeachy]

I’ve never met my biological grandfather. My mom (grand Mom) told me that he was an asshole and after my uncle was born he assumed that he wasn’t his and of a pos about it. So she divorced him. No reason to question that story since my mother said she stopped talking to him when she was pregnant with me and used a racist term to refer to me and said never to bring me in his house - so fuck that pos

Well my mother still talks to her aunt and found out a year ago that my mom slept with her father in law and that’s why her husband assumed she was cheating on him.... she admitted to that being true.

Coming from a woman who talked like she hated sex and men... kind of mind blowing

But I’ve been cleaning the house - thoroughly since there’s no one to tell me not to throw away their hoarding items... getting me to depths I’ve never seen before

A couple nights ago I found a document regarding my first home and my moms moms house. —- for the past 20 years I’ve been told that the family friend we rented the house to stopped paying the taxes on the house without telling anyone and the amount got so high and she moved out and vanished so my mom and grandfather couldn’t pay it back and lost the house.

Now I find documents that say my family left the house unlivable when they left (I don’t know what it looked like I was taken away when we moved by my mother as a get out of jail free card) the report from the inspector said the house was not suitable for anyone to live in and was an attraction for pests. Either my family needed to repair the house or the government would (since it was a townhouse) and bill them. There was a second document saying that the family friend who started rented it was expected to pay rent and if the stuff wasn’t fixed she could sue my family

And I mean the currrnt house I live in... my grandfather let’s get trashed to the point where we’re always infested with something... also I distinctly remember our townhouse having a microwave near the entrance that a cat lived on and peed on and it reaked of cat piss and no one did anything about that....

So. Turns out. My family are actually the ones who lost our house not the family friend... and my mother complains about that all the time. But she’s a psycho bitch to makes up story’s and rewrities history I remember so that she never sounds like she did anything wrong so. Can’t trust anything she ever says

And this may sound dumb but growing up I’ve always complained that I wasn’t blonde haired or blue eyed and never got the perks of the people who did have those features. My mom always identified with me and shared my annoyance... but I just found a photo album... I know she said she died her hair in high school... but you can’t even tell. Her eyebrows are blonde. She was bleach blonde haired AND blue eyed as a kid. They turned brown in elementary school but her hair was still bleach blonde into high school - then you can see it get a bit darker

It’s not like this changes how much I love my mom or anything... but... she’s been lying about stuff to me... and...suddenly it feels like.. I can’t trust anyone in my family

It’s just... idk what else my mom has lied to me about... and I wanna confront her about all this shit... and I can’t. She’s not dead. She’s right there... with dementia.... I can’t even be mad at her...

Not that it would really make much of a difference... before the dementia started I was old enough to start noticing when my mom would agree with two opposing points or when she would say stuff that didn’t fit with another story and when I’d ask about it she would just get mad at me normally ending with her yelling “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY” the fucking truth Mom.

Or like in a the beginning of high school when I started complaining that didn’t send things that needed sent in or that didn’t didn’t fill something out correctly - she’d tell me “if you don’t like the way I do it do it yourself!” But most of that stuff required a lot of other origination and information. So I would reorganize papers so I could find them... then she’d redisorangize everything and yell at me for losing stuff when I didn’t. Then neither of use knew where anything was and I’d get in trouble with outside things for my stuff not being done and my mom would tell me it’s my fault for fucking it up...

So I mean... ya...

Actually I still have a scar on my knee from middle school when I fell and a rock cut deep into my knee and poop from the barnyard when in as well... I was bleeding down my leg and crying and limping and my mom just yelled at me for not getting the tattooing I started done. When I asked about going to the hospital (which I had insurrance to go to for free) she yelled at me and said I was fine. Then I used vet wrap (same material used for casts but for animals) to wrap my knee so I could walk and do work without flys and stuff going in my wound and she yelled at me for wasting her expensive vet wrap (AND WHILE CLEANING I JUST FOUND A COUPLE ROLLS THAT SHE DEFINITELY HID ON THE TOP OF THE SHVELING CASE IN THE BACK SO I COULDNT SEE NOR REACH IT!!) when other farm people commented on my smart use of the vet wrap (which I refused every day and fastened it with a safety pin and tap) my mom took credit...

>_>

Sigh. I’m just. Really annoyed with her rn...

[diaryofanalcoholicsdaughter-blog]

2017

Probably a very different year in my life then anything else. I lost friends made friends which I lost dropped toxic friends and cut off all...well about all my family except one of my brothers who I barely talk to and a cousin who stresses me out by wanting to talk about family.

I've been reluctant to put a story into words. Not that it's a bad no its a bad story I guess. It was honestly one of the turning points that lead me to where I am right now.

It started when my dad asked me to drive him to the store. Honestly I was reluctant to but he said the magic words 'I'm going to stop drinking and smoking' he's already replaced his cigs with e cigs. Not a huge improvement but for once he seemed sincere. So I decided to drive him to the store. Mind you he and I hadn't said more then a few words to each other since he got out of jail and came home drunk and flipping out on me. Not a happy or fun moment. Thought very seriously about hurting myself that night but cried instead till I fell asleep.

 During the drive  he was oddly quiet. I kept asking which store he wanted to go to and he named one after a lot of probing. On the way to that store he asked to make a quick stop. It was of course a liquor store. At this point I had realized I enabled him a hell of a lot in tue past and was not about to continue that pattern. I gave in a lot before just to stop arguements and the growing doubt of if i was a good daughter or not. His favorite saying was 'youd do this if you loved me'. This time though I said no. He tried to argue me down but I stuck to my no and he mentioned my aunt would have taken him. I told him to get my aunt to fucking take him them. I was still very mad with her for buying him booze on the day he got out of jail for duis. We turned the car around and he called his sister on the way. As he sat on the porch and waited I took out the trash and completely un-promted he said 'on the 1st I'm moving out I don't know what your going to do but I'm moving to this state'.  Mind you it was two weeks before the end of the month.

 I'd grown financially depent  on my dad. He has a decent  disposable income being ex military and disabled. I made pennies on the dollar and nj was hella expensive so he paid rent and bills. I paid my car  note and other bills of my own and was usually broke. At the begining I just gave him and his fam my extra money.

The man who claimed to have raised me with such 'love and care' and always taken care of me was planning to leave me homeless in two weeks. The relief that hit me nearly knocked me out. It was fucked up but I was happy. My brain was like yessss bitch abandon me~  I'd been planning to move yeah but I kept flip flopping on the time line for when and where. Casually I said 'that's cool bye' which was *not* the reaction he wanted I found out later. I finished taking out the trash and went back inside. He then back tracked and said he would find a place for me to stay. I told him he didn't need to but he insisted since he didn't want me to be without a roof over my head. The end result was he would ask my gambling cousin if I could stay with her and he'd pay her rent.

Like I said that was the first turning point. But my job would have kept me there honestly. I was miserable but it was a comfortable miserable and I found in the depression and anxiety change was not something I wanted to embrace.  But the universe sent me signals saying fuck this job.

It all started when we got a new senior employee. She came in with a 'I'm the boss so you have to listen to me attitude' and a sense of knowing everything despite knowing nothing. It caused a lot of friction and drama kicked back in full force. People were going after each other's jobs people were dropping down to part time the new manager was firing people without hiring new staff. It was a shit storm honestly but at first I was pretty chill with it. I wasn't in any of the drama so it didn't matter to me. It wasn't till the new way of doing things affected the quality of life of our ladies that I started getting irritated. They were having more behaviors. The ladies were attacking each other left and right. And it was all sparked or boiled down to something the staff did to one of the ladies or the other. Despite all of that and the growing irritation I could deal with it. It still wasn't to the boiling point.

The proverbial straw that broke the camel back was an incident that resulted in me getting injured. Till that point I could still count on one of my fellow staff members to handle things in the correct way. Aka the way we had all be trained yet people tended to ignore it. One of our ladies was constantly attacking staff and peers and bullying people because people let her get away with it. It was a new behavior for her that increased in intensity because our mighty senior gave the girl anything and everything she wanted to avoid behaviors which triggered them. The girl acts up around the holidays anyway but this was more annoying simply all pf it could have been avoided. During a behavior the girl was about to be restrained when the manager burst in and tried to 'handle' the situation by demanding we let the girl go because she could 'talk to her and calm her down'. This particular girl tends to get up swinging a fact my Co worker knew. Despite knowing that and knowing the girl would go after me since I stopped her from running to attack my manager, my Co worker let her go. The girl got up swinging. I had walked away but my manager let the girl go and the girl came after me. The end result was the girl broke my glasses scratched up my face and I nearly lost my job but my Co worker pulled me back before I could get my hands on her.

At first I was just mad at my boss she had after all interfered without knowing what was happening and made things worse. But after I stopped the urge to go back and beat that bitch down I realized  my Co worker despite talking that sweet talk had betrayed me. She was afraid to lose her job over it but everything was up to standard. She had decided not to interfere where it mattered the most.

 In that job trust is needed. You need to have trust that if someone attacks you your Co workers had your back to save you. The one person I trusted didn't have my back and that was it for me. I mainly worked with her but I wouldn't be able to trust her if a situation came up again which they were happening more often. So I put in my two weeks notice and started saying me honest thoughts. Again relief and a tinge of disappointment this time hit me.