#I just think it's a weird expectation that people only engage with the right parts of a culture or they're doing it wrong

[alistairian]

.

[monster-noises]

I love second hand book shops, I got to them frequently and always leave with Something and have a good time just peakin around

But i gotta say

It's one of the Worst spots for me in terms of imposter syndrome

I feel like everyone's uneasey with my presence as though i'm a stranger who just stumbled into their inner sanctum and they're.. they're gunna let me stay but they're gunna be weirded out the whole time and breath a sigh of relief when the Strange Unwelcome Freak Leaves

It also happens at record shops and sometimes at small antique shops or cons+festivals

Just this immediate foreboding of being Angrily Tolerated in a Space I Don't Belong

[keets-writing-corner]

Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??

As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue

the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD

He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.

like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...

The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"

and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it

does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING

like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow

For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat

Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation

Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with

Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)

But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time

Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell

Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch

idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room

[hotheadedhero]

In Unrequited Love

Love and relationships can't be forced but sometimes they can be built on common ground and an understanding of one another's tribulations.

Part 2 here

Donatello x Reader

Having a crush on someone sucks. Having a crush on someone who has eyes for someone else sucks even more. This is the sad truth of your current circumstances. You knew that high school would come with its challenges but you weren’t prepared for the fact that you’d fall for the careless, hockey-loving maniac from your math class. It began with a casual friendship before feelings deepened on your end. Feelings that wouldn’t seem so terrible were it not for April O’Neil. You have absolutely nothing against the girl but it’s clear as day that she unfortunately has Casey’s heart in her stronghold. It’s not like you could even vent these frustrations, given that the only friends you have happen to be those two people. 

Then, through some shenanigans that seem like the norm for you now, you meet four turtle brothers - one of whom is in the same boat as you. Not to mention, between the very two friends in question. Were it not heartbreaking to witness each other trying your hardest to grab the attention of your crushes, you’d find some humour in this.

You tried hanging out with Raphael more in an attempt to get in close quarters with Casey, seeing as they’re practically tied at the hip, only for you to realise that the rough-and-tumble environment isn’t your strong suit. That’s when they both suggested you try your hand at assisting Donatello in his laboratory given your aptitude for the sciences. What they failed to realise is that you do well in class but that doesn’t inherently mean you enjoy it. Theoretical sciences and learning about how things work are interesting but there aren’t enough practical applications that allow you to engage in the school environment. The closest you’ve gotten to having fun was when you made “elephant toothpaste” for a chemistry lesson but that’s about it. 

Nonetheless, you see no harm in passing by the lab and giving the brainiac brothers a visit. Other than your not-so-subtle pining towards the other humans in the group, nothing has been outwardly mentioned about the situation you are both in. Neither of you has hung out enough to have that conversation. It wouldn’t be weird to talk about it, would it? A query that shall not yet receive an answer seeing as you’ve already knocked on the large, metal door. You walk through the open garage to see a couple of legs poking out from under the battle shell. 

“Huh? Oh! (Y/n), sorry- Ow!” He slides out from beneath the vehicle and rubs the fresh bruise forming on his head. “Sorry, I’m a little busy, right now. I think Leo is watching Space Heroes if you’re looking for someone to hang out with, though.”

“Actually, I came by to see if you needed any help,” you offer, holding your hands behind your back respectfully whilst also trying not to laugh. 

His eyes widen, having not expected such a proposal, and he’s quick to scramble to his feet.  “Oh, okay! Let’s see- uh… how are you with engine repairs?”

“Depends.” Your tongue clicks contemplatively. “Is it gas, electric, or hybrid?”

“That already tells me you know more than enough,” he chuckles. “Here, I’ll show you.”

He opens the hood of the van to reveal the ensemble of burnt-out parts and overworked mechanisms. The guys’ last mission must have been intense because this engine is almost in complete disarray. Were it not for the fact that your Uncle is a mechanic, you’d be sweating under the pressure of somehow ruining this heap of metal more than it already is. A probability still if you want to jinx your person but that’s getting ahead of yourself. 

Donatello gestures towards a box of spare parts and holds the back of his neck. “These just need to be taken out and replaced. It’s probably the easiest of what needs doing but I also need to finish rewiring the brakes, check the throttle calibration, replenish the weapons ammunition-”

“You need an extra set of hands to get it done quicker,” you cut him off with a smile. “I’ll see what I can do.” 

He bares a gap-toothed smile in response and nods before resuming his initial position beneath the vehicle to finish the brake wiring. This leaves you to begin on your assigned job. For starters, you’re glad that this is a case of piecemeal repair rather than a complete engine rebuild. You’d be out of your depth were that the case. You start by pulling the entire engine out via a hoist, assisted by a load levelling bar so that it doesn’t tilt at a funny angle. Then, you secure it onto a stand and glance over what you’re working with. The crankshaft, piston ring compressor, oil filter, and fan need the most attention, so you start with those first. Just to save the disturbance, you look into a few tutorials on your phone to make sure you’re doing it correctly. 

During this entire time, the two of you work on separate parts of the battle shell in silence, seemingly content with your tasks. By now, Donnie has moved on to tightening the wheels’ lug holes. Admittedly, you had been concerned about a lack of things to talk about but this is a nice settlement. It’s certainly the most relaxed you’ve felt in a while; something to keep you distracted from the quelling of your hopeless romantic attraction. Plus, you have this sense of relief from finally being able to work on something with your hands rather than straining your brain over textbooks and pop quizzes.

"Question,” he starts abruptly, keeping his eyes on the centre cap of the wheel. “What’s it you like so much about that cave mouth?"

First, you blink quickly to yourself, having not expected to get into the nitty gritty of it so soon. So much for being distracted but you can’t be mad. Curiosity isn’t something to be berated. Then, you find yourself snickering at the mildly degrading nickname. The question may appear brash but he’s puzzled by why April seems to like Casey so much. Hearing it from you might give him the insight he needs to turn the odds in his favour. He’ll take anything at this point. 

"I dunno. There's just this air to him that I like. He's an ass, I am well aware of that, but he's fun, you know?” you admit awkwardly. “Psh! Don't ask me to explain it. You can't really put that stuff into words." You squint down at him, lips poised mockingly. "What is it you like about April so much?"

He halts his own task and glances down at his hands, cheeks reddening as he thinks about the girl of his dreams. "She just... had my heart from the first moment I saw her."

"Wow. The first girl you ever see in your life and it's just like that.” Yes, that bit of information is known thanks to our dear Raphael. “'Pretty shallow to fall in love with someone based on looks if you ask me." 

"You would know,” he scoffs sarcastically.

"Now you're calling Casey ugly?” you ask, both playful and moderately offended on your crush’s behalf. “Man, you really don't like him."

"I’m sure the same goes for you with April!"

"Hey! I don't stoop so low into my dissatisfaction of the circumstances to insult her." A wry grin then beckons your lips. "Although~"

"Whatever you think you're going to say, don't."

The staring match doesn't last long, breaking beneath a shared laugh; fond and unwilted by the ache in your hearts, which has been forgotten for a split moment to enjoy each other's company.

From that point on, that’s precisely what you did. More often than not, you found yourself in the confines of his garage, assisting him with the occasional doohickey and thingymabob. Even if there wasn’t much you could help with, you wound up being a decent lab partner in any case. In turn, he would offer to help you with your homework if you had any particularly difficult assignments. Your grades have never looked so good. When neither of you were doing that, you’d simply hang out and rant about little annoyances with your unreciprocated infatuations. 

“I mean, I try some jokes here and there but nothing seems to land,” he concedes begrudgingly, throwing his body weight into the back of his chair.

“Can I hear one?” you inquire as you gently swing around in your own seat. 

His lips press together and he mulls it over before sighing, “Okay, so, you remember how I told you about Metal Head?” You nod, to which he continues, “Well, the first time I took him out for a spin, we were on watch duty together. That’s when I asked her if she likes metal.”

He groans to himself as he replays the memory in his head, only now realising how corny that must have sounded at the time. However, you laugh and not the heckling kind either. Your head tilts back into your chair, knees lifting to compensate for the tension in your shaking stomach. How could April have not loved something as precious as that? The girl must be crazy because that would have worked on you in a heartbeat. 

“You should’ve asked if her favourite dance move is the robot,” you say in between laughs. “No, wait, wait! I got a better one! Ask her out to the circuits for a date!”

Donatello can only smile at your self-induced amusement, happy that there’s an appreciation for nerdy pickup lines and puns. They may not work on his crush - and his brothers sure don’t find them that funny - but he’s glad at least one person around here gets it. 

It felt good to know that you had a friend you could be closer to because of your mutual understanding. For the first time since you realised your feelings for your schoolmate, you didn’t feel so alone. This bond formed on cluttered affection may have seemed unlikely to begin with but who are you to complain now? You and Donnie have a good thing going given your positions. 

That is until your heart diverts its attention towards the very turtle. 

You came to the realisation when he expressed his excitement in showing you his newest invention. The fact that he had called upon you first made you feel special. It made you feel wanted and desired for the first time in your life. A seemingly small phenomenon given how he merely wanted to showcase something to you but the way it had tugged your heart was unparalleled to anything else you had ever experienced - and that smile. You could have happily fawned over that proud grin of proclaimed accomplishment and self-justified pride for the rest of that day. Then, it all came crashing down on you like heaps of scrap in a junkyard. You have fallen for someone who is in love with April. Again. Are you just doomed to fall for any man that crushes this girl? This must be some sick joke. One that you don’t find yourself laughing at. 

It eats away at you for the days - weeks - to come. You can’t console anyone on the matter, either. If any of his family catches wind, there’s a chance of him finding out. An outcome you wish to avoid if possible. As for Casey and April, dear lord you don’t even want to know what would happen if you told them. You’re at square one again just as before: crushing on someone who will never feel the same way about you. Rotting in a pool of your self-made disillusion.

Alone.

Having a crush on someone sucks.

[witchpassing]

interview_3aC

I got into piloting during the Third Generation. For the historically illiterate, that’s before the breakpoint, not after. Summer Offensive, Chelsk Offensive, ‘81, ‘82… All that shit.

When you say pilot now, people get a certain mental image. It wasn’t like that, back then; end of the day, a G3 frame is basically just another kind of tank. Hot like hell inside and full analogue control. You had to think five, six, seven seconds ahead sometimes, because that’s how long it’d take you to string together the inputs for what you were doing next.

I was good. I mean, I’m good at my job now, sure, but… you should’ve fuckin’ seen me then.

... Anyway. Long and short of it is, I got unlucky. Everyone does, sooner or later. Coterie railcannon caved in part of my cockpit, crushed my leg to dogmeat, and that was that. A few years later, they’d have amputated, plugged in a spare, and sent me back in, but this was ‘83, the tech wasn’t there yet. We were hearing about it, you know, shit on the grapevine about the brain-machine barrier, weird tests underground out in Lysk, but I don’t think any of us really believed in it.

I wanna say I knew what was coming, but I didn’t. Nobody did.

So. Cockpit breach. Fucked leg. They did a lot of work, got it to where I could walk on a good day, but it was obvious I wasn’t gonna cut it any more. Took my pension, checked out, spent eight years in the worst dyke bars I could find. Don’t really wanna talk about that part. That’s not what you’re here for, anyway.

So I’m a few years down the line, losing my mind somewhere in Sengrade, and I get a call. It’s this guy I used to know, I never really nailed down what he did, Information maybe, and he’s telling me about this program they’re spinning up over in Lysk, and sure that rings some alarm bells but what am I gonna do, say no? I don’t even need to hear the specifics, he’s trying to tell me it’s the next big jump in frame tech, it’s gonna win us the war, whatever, I’m already halfway onto a train.

The job turned out to be the Fifth Generation. Not only was the brain-machine barrier real, but they’d smashed clean through it. I said a G3 is basically a tank, right? So I was expecting an iteration on the form. Sharper, sleeker sure, but at the end of the day just a prettier-looking tank.

Well, I was dead fuckin’ wrong. Seeing something that size move that way, it’s… I don’t think I can put it into words. Go find a poet or something. Ask them what they think about Gen 5.

… Didn’t come for free, of course. The neural throughput on a machine that size will cook an unprepared brain like a fuckin’ egg. You need to be dosed to the gills on a whole cocktail of ten-syllable shit to take it for more than a few minutes, and the drugs make you weird. Horny, mostly - I’m sure you’ve heard about that - but you’re also looking at impaired impulse control, difficulty with long-term thinking, emotional disregulation, mania… Plus, there’s something in the cocktail or the link or both that is bastard habit-forming. You see them counting the hours between sorties. They adjust to the hyperstimulation, get calibrated to it, and then everything else is just too god-damn quiet.

Think maybe it’s carcinogenic, actually, but you didn’t hear that from me.

So, yeah. Weird. Command doesn’t want weird operating superweaponry. Weird doesn’t make sound tactical decisions. Which means all the shit that makes somebody a functioning soldier - the long-term decision making, the impulse control, the ability to give a fuck about the rules of engagement - it had to be outsourced.

The term they used at first was “special consultant”. Then “special consulting officer”, once we hit field testing. It wasn’t “handler” until later.

The first crop of us - I’m just gonna say handlers, I know how you’re gonna wanna spin this, I get it - were all ex-pilots. G3, mostly; Gen 4 didn’t leave a lot of material to work with. I guess the idea was we were the closest you could get to a G5 candidate’s frame of reference, but it was pretty clear within the first few months that that was bullshit. Some of us took to it, some of us washed out. A lot couldn’t take the wetwork, which I guess I can sympathise with.

Me, I handled it fine. Better than I should’ve, maybe. Being a tanker didn’t do shit for me, but my dad, he was a dog trainer, and… Yeah, well, you get the idea.

… No, no. The other kind of wetwork. You know what I mean.

…

The leg? Ha. Yeah, they offered me a prosthetic. ‘Course they did. But, call me a hypocrite, whatever you want - by that point I was six months in and I knew with total fuckin’ certainty I didn’t want the link. I spend enough of my time helping the military put their shit into peoples’ bodies, you know? I don’t want it walking home with me.

… No, I don’t understand why they keep signing up. Early days, sure, nobody knew what it did to you back then, but there’s been leaks, people’ve talked - hell, I’m talking right now. You can find our burnouts in any dive in the country, or what's fuckin' left of them. The candidates now, they know what we do to people here, and they just keep coming, and coming…

Though, you know… I think sometimes about the first time I saw a Gen 5 machine take off, that first day on the program. The way it moved against the blue-black of the sky, like it weighed nothing at all. And I almost get it.

[therapycat21]

All Right Now Part 9

Travis Kelce x Famous!Reader Description: The reader catches the eye of famous footballer Travis.

Warnings: None

Social Media AU

I still can’t believe it, I never thought I’d be engaged to be married, ever considering my track record, But I guess the best things come when you least expect it to. Travis and his family coming into my life was definitely a blessing in disguise. There is no doubt I love my family but it’s a different feeling of love being accepted by your partner’s family. 

It’s been a few days since Travis proposed, the news outlets obviously already know and are spinning a bunch of theories every day. 

“They only got engaged because she’s pregnant”  “She gave him an ultimatum and that’s why he did it.”

Every day it’s something new, I know it is only because we have only been together a year but jeez, people get engaged after only being together for a few months, and a lot of the time those are the couples that are the happiest and stay together the longest. (In my opinion) Travis has been over the moon and telling pretty much anyone he can, even after a game in the press room, he finds any chance to bring it up, It is definitely the cutest thing to see him blushing on TV.  I even see it all over TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, you name it and it’s there.

We have been getting calls, and texts all day. Some from friends and family others, news networks, talk shows, and everything. It has been crazy. Travis and I are both doing talk shows, not together but a few days apart.

"You think these go together?" Travis has been inside the closet for an hour trying to find an outfit when he goes on Jimmy Fallon tonight.

I look up from where I lay on the bed scrolling through Tiktok, he’s holding a black suit set. “Ohh, that would look so nice, especially with your gold jewelry,” I tell him he gives me a smile in response hanging the outfit on the side for later “You are one amazing woman, you know that?” he smiles at me once more.

We both head downstairs to film a new episode of New Heights with Jason. We settle in the chairs, pull the headphones on, and wait for Jason.

“Hello hello, family!” Jason somewhat yells. I laugh at the face he makes before Travis and Jason get into their announcements and sponsors.

“Now we have two special guests today, my awesome and beautiful wife Kylie and our awesome sister-in-law Y/n!” Jason announces loudly earning a weirded and shocked look from Kylie “Oh my” she mutters smirking at me through the camera, I try to hold in my laughter behind my hand, “gotta love Jason’s enthusiasm” I tell them laughing. We talk about a few topics before Jason brings up the big one “Okay, I waited long enough to bring it up, can we please talk about the proposal?” he asks.

I look to Travis for agreement, after a brief nod and encouraging smile “Well It was definitely a surprise I’ll tell you that, we had talked about it and I didn’t expect him to propose a few weeks after that talk.” I laugh. I turn and face Travis “You know it was perfectly timed, as someone who didn't really see themselves getting married, I knew the second we met that she was either gonna be my wife or I would never get married to anyone else unless it was her.” He replies looking at me after. I tried to hide the tears forming in my eyes, I dab under my eyes “I love you so much” I tell him giving him a quick soft kiss.

 We turn to see Jason and Kylie both smiling wide. Jason was sporting the proud big brother look “When Trav came to me and started talking to me about how he was planning all of this, for one, I was shocked cause, for one I’ve never seen him talk so passionately about someone or something as much as his car collection, so It was so cool to see him do that, and two, I was just excited to be able to watch it happen in front of my eyes.” Jason says before turning his attention to Kylie “what did you think?” he asks her. 

She smiles “I for one was kinda just like thank god, he finally asked her and now I have my sister-in-law” she laughs “When Jason told me the plans I was ecstatic, It feels good to see you both happy.” she says in response. We give them both fond smiles “Aww, see and my biggest fear was everyone thinking we were crazy for doing this too soon.” I laugh.

“If I never met you and your family I would have thought the same thing but everyone can clearly see you guys are in love and like Travis said if it feels right then it’s right and you gotta take that chance when It shows itself,” Jason tells us. We talk a bit more and we say goodbye to them.

An hour later

Travis and I are in our closet getting ready to head out for his interview tonight with Jimmy Fallon, Travis wearing the black suit ensemble and me wearing something similar. 

We pull into the studio already seeing paparazzi surrounding the entire sides of the entrance to the studio. I huff trying to mentally prepare for the swarm about to happen, Travis leans over grasping my hand in pulling it towards his face giving the tops of my hands a chaste kiss. “We got this, and always remember I got you, baby,” he reassured me. I nod my head. He leans forward and opens the car door, the camera lights flashing like crazy before it doubles when I also come out of the car, the driver shuts the door and Travis guides me protectively towards the door, pushing back over pushy paparazzi.

We finally make it inside the building and we are met by a studio rep, they guide us to where we need to be. We chill in the studio’s dressing room before we are guided over to the studio’s main stage and seating area. I give Travis a kiss before he heads back and I open the door to where the audience is and where my front-row seat is.

I hear gasps flow throughout the room I look up to see the audience staring at me in shock “Hi everyone” I wave to them shyly. I hear quick responses throughout the room and sit down in my seat where a couple of younger girls are. I give them a smile before I focus my attention on Jimmy walking out onto the stage and sitting behind his desk. “Okay, we are live, in three, two, one” I hear the camera director announce. “Hello everyone, today we have a very special guest, please welcome the man, the chief king and big yeti, Travis Kelce!” he announces theatrically before the crowd starts to yell out and Travis works his way to his seat “Hello hello” he waves to the audience, winking at me, I smile in response. 

They talk a bit about his games, and about the new documentary Jason has made coming out soon. “Okay, now we all know there is something big that needs to be talked about,” Jimmy smirks, Trav laughs rubbing his bearded chin and nodding “Yeah, I have a feeling I know” he laughs. Jimmy laughs “okay we all know you recently proposed to your now fiance Y/n L/n” the crowd starts clapping and hollering as Travis blushes “Yeah, I got her to say yes, thankfully” Travis jokes. Jimmy laughs “okay, so tell us how it happened, how did you do it?” he asks “Well, I had started planning all of it a few months ago and had the ring for a while, and I decided to set up a small park that we always went to and had her favorite flowers scattered on the ground with those tea light candles and then I did it.” he tells them cheesing big. 

The crowd awws and hollers “oh my, well that sounds amazing.” Jimmy compliments, “So of course I have to ask cause everyone was talking about how too soon it was, do you think you did it too soon?” he asks. Travis smiles shaking his head “no, absolutely not, I knew it was the right moment and me and her are big believers in if it feels right take that jump cause we see too many people lose those opportunities and I can’t lose her.” Travis tells them gaining soft coos from the audience.

Jimmy is smiling softly at him “you know, you are so right, and I just want to say congratulations to you and I know you guys are gonna do amazing, I wish I could tell y/n so please if you can pass that for me” Jimmy laughs, Travis nods smiling “actually one second” he hold a finger up before standing up and heading off the stage to the audience and holding his hand out for me to grab.

The crowd starts to yell as Travis guides me towards the seat closest to Jimmy. 

We smile at each other and pull each other into a hug “Oh my god, I can’t believe your here? It’s so cool to see you again.” He tells me I smile “It’s so good to see you too, I mean I’m gonna be here next week so” We laugh and sit down. “This is crazy, So congratulations, how are you feeling?” he asks “Thank you! And very very good, I could not be happier” I smile at him.

We sit and talk a bit more before the show ends and we say our goodbyes to Jimmy, the audience, and the production before we head home.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Like my writing? Buy me a coffee. I would be so grateful!

Taglist:

@whitemanswhore3

@bxdbxtxh15

@cixrosie

@kkrenae

@the-untamed-soul

@calirindo

@armystay89

@hotwheels1108

@awatt31

@bobthe-turmpetman29

@goldenharrysworld

@chimchimmarie

@jmamas92

@itsdesiree86

[deirdra-hearts-nadia]

I've been thinking about the fandom for The Arcana, and I have come to the conclusion that it's weird as hell. In my 20+ years participating in online fandom spaces, I've never seen a fandom quite like this one. I've seen drama, sure, but the core of most fandoms is a large community of people who love the same media and come together to celebrate it.

The Arcana fandom is not like that. From the very beginning we're more fractured, more factional, more fragile than most. You just have to look around at all the posts lamenting the death of the fandom every 2 weeks to see that something is really wrong here.

And I think a lot of it has to do with the nature of the canon. I am not saying this to criticize The Arcana, the devs, Dorian, or my fellow fans. I have just noticed that, as a piece of media, this game occupies a very unique space that is reflected in the way its fans interact with canon and with each other.

Welcome to the TED talk ain't none of y'all asked for.

Part of what makes this fandom unique is the evolution of fandom as a whole in the face of new types of media. As gaming becomes more mainstream and games themselves become more complex, the way we engage has necessarily changed in response.

Books/ movies/ shows are slightly more static in terms of canon than video games; canon is what it is and how you interact with what is there is largely to do with who you are. Everyone has the same base material to engage with, and that results in a certain amount of constancy. You can't interact with The Princess Bride in a way that changes the movie, only in ways that change your own perception. There isn't a whole lot of room for OCs without rewriting canon, so fans tend to consume OC-based fiction and art with the assumption that it's likely to be self-insert wish fulfillment fantasy time. That isn't always true, but there is a reason the term Mary Sue was coined.

Otome games and other choice-based video games make a very different fan environment, because the way you interact with canon is completely different. You have to build a character in order to interact with the story, and your choices directly impact your experience of canon.

But most western choice-based games are in the context of a larger RPG universe, e.g. Fallout or Dragon Age. There is a lot more to the story than the romance plot and so there's a lot more world to experience, contextualize, and build upon. There's certainly plenty of unhinged ShepxGarrus erotica, but there's also an abundance of fanworks that engage with the plot, the worldbuilding, and the canon characters with relatively little of the player's character needing to be on the page at all.

By contrast, most otome games that make it to English-speaking fandom spaces are Japanese. The romance is the point, but we also start from a place of wariness of our fellow fans. Because there's a huge difference between "harmless weeb" and "orientalist fetishizing creepo," and you know going in that both ends of the spectrum are possible, there is an amount of caution. We curate our space, looking for the creators who align with our expectations and values before we ever begin to interact.

The Arcana falls in a very unique and odd space because it is an otome, but made by Americans, with an attempt at a diverse fantasy cast. It's intended to be for American/ English-speaking audiences and is marketed as such. But making a romance game in America is challenging. Our way of approaching online media, especially smartphone-accessible media, is super fucked up, right? We are constantly trapped between the dichotomies of moral duty (Must Protect The Children) versus appealing to the customer base (Boom Anime Babes with Tig Ol Bitties). Because this is a mobile game, the developers can't make money if the game is removed from the app store, so they want it to be rated teen at the most. But the enticing bit, the thing that captures a potential fan's attention, is the flirtation and sexy implications. So from the jump they're in a weird space purely because they chose to make a mobile game instead of an indie video game released on Steam or similar.

So now you have an inherently split audience: mature adults who know they're getting into a potentially explicit romance game, and young adults/teens who have grown up in a more insulated internet culture where normal words are replaced with Orwellian doublespeak, like "unalive" and "spicy time".

THEN you add in the fact that the developers tried to build a diverse fantasy world, which is a fantastic idea both from an inclusionary standpoint and a broader audience standpoint. But because they didn't employ any actual sensitivity readers (did they think they didn't need them because fantasy can't have racism? Did they justify it as not being in the budget? Would love to know what's going on there) they fell right into a lot of the classic traps. We've been over these time and again, so I won't get into them here. Suffice to say, there has been Discourse. The presence of those issues means that more experienced fans will see those things and call them out, and that criticism causes even more of a split: the zealous apologists versus the critics. And critics can fall into two further categories: those who love the canon and want to see it do better, and the bitches who just love having something to bitch about.

Unfortunately, this combination means that there are inherently factions to this fandom, with staunchly opposed approaches to the media. So even before you enter a fandom space, it's already wildly fractured simply because of the nature of base canon.

THEN add to that the fact that this game is a dating sim. And to engage with a dating sim, you have to build a character and make choices based on that character. Some people will approach this work as storytelling, and some will approach it as an escapist expression of self. Neither of these ways of engaging with canon is wrong. Enjoying a dating sim as Me But Better is fun and completely valid! Engaging with a dating sim as a storyteller collaborating with the developers is fun and completely valid! But the two approaches are opposed in purpose, and that can make it difficult for the two types of fans to engage with one another's work.

Storytellers will well and truly invest in building a character. They may even build out communities, countries, cultures, and languages to make their world all the richer. They are investing hours of blood, sweat, and tears into Their Craft, pouring themselves into an opus of quality fanwork. Unfortunately, this can sometimes lead to big feelings. Fan artists and writers may feel underappreciated if all they get out of their hard work is 2 likes and a gif of a wolf making AWOOGA eyes. They may feel that critique of their work is unwarranted, or that there's no point creating if no one will engage.

The romantics will engage with canon and fanwork from the perspective that "this is my fantasy romance time". Their OC isn't so much Original Character as Optimized Characteristics--that is, their perfect self. They are here for wish fulfillment fun times in the relative privacy and anonymity of the internet, and good for them! But that may mean that criticism of canon or their fan work feels excessively personal--it is very hard to detach the ego from the OC when that OC is a projection of your best self. They may view any critique as a personal attack as opposed to a good-faith attempt at engagement or conversation. This can lead to defensiveness, or to leaving the fandom outright if it feels too hostile.

Unfortunately all of these factions cause rifts in the community. This sometimes turns into fandom vigilantism, where people begin to see any fan who doesn't wholeheartedly agree with them as an enemy. I've seen friends experience bullying and cruelty over their OCs and their art. I've seen predators use the isolated nature of the fandom to further isolate and prey upon already vulnerable individuals. I've seen some really shitty stuff.

But I have also seen beautiful community flourish. I've made friends who feel more like family than my actual relatives. I've seen people work through struggles and overcome deliberate attempts to tear us apart, finding forgiveness and friendship along the way. I've seen myself and others grow because of the community and inspiration we found here. And I saw all of that because I found my people. And I hope, Arcana fandom, that the rest of you can find your people too.

[duchess-kyuupid]

Can you do one where the twst boys are walking with Fem!reader to class or something and reader trips but instead of getting up they just lie there contemplating life and acting like everything is falling apart but they as just being dramatic for the hell of it-

Crack and fluff basically lol

It doesn't matter who just whoever you like writing the most! Thank you ❤️

Of course! I'm going to do three characters who I thought would fit the scenario the best <3 Thank you for being my first request dearie!

Ik it says fem!reader, but I didn't use any pronouns or anything so it can be read as gender neutral :)

~ Twst Men with an overdramatic Reader Falling Down~

[Ft. Rook, Idia, and Sebek]

Rook

- In a moment of weakness on your part, you had asked Rook to help tutor you in the basics of etiquette in this world. Namely, you were just curious about the differences between your world and theirs- for example you mentioned once in a passing comment that it was common curtesy to open doors for people, even strangers, if they were going to be coming in after you. You've even done so when you were walking into class with some people behind you, but all that resulted in was weird looks from your classmates. And not even a thank you! And I mean, it's not like you were expecting to get a thank you, but at the very least, those people could try acting a little more polite! You recounted this story to Rook and he laughed, saying that such a courtesy is not only seen as a lowly servant's job, but it's also the fact that everyone at NRC are mages, so most people will just open the door with magic. - Anyway, so that's how you ended up here, receiving a lecture from Rook about etiquette and the importance of being elegant and beautiful- even more than you already are, at least. - You've been here for hours now, and your initial curiosity has basically evaporated into boredom with a strong longing to just go back to Ramshackle and relax. But you knew there was no way you were going to be able to escape, not with a hunter like Rook keeping his eyes on you like a hawk. - "Ah, mon coeur, it appears as though you've stopped listening! Non, non, mon beauté, this simply mustn't do! Why don't we practice something a little bit more engaging? Some dance lessons shall do just fine, allez!" - And then suddenly you were dragged out of your comfy chair as Rook leads you to the middle of the room to start his lesson with you. He's clearly been enjoying this, with the big smile that hasn't left his face since you've walked in. - So, despite how tired you feel, you accept his proposal to dance. I mean, how could you say no to his face which smiles so brightly that it puts even the sun to shame? - But of course, you also didn't really have the heart to tell Rook that you've never danced before- at least not like this. This formal type of dancing, with Rook's hand settled on your waist and gently holding your other as you two sway to the non-existent music- you don't have very much experience with it, not at all. - So it was only natural that you got stuck staring at Rook's face, again not paying attention to the words that he was speaking about how to waltz elegantly. Your body followed his movements and words on instinct, like you were stuck in a trace just so that you could focus on the one thing that was most important right now: him. - Alas, all good things must come to an end. While you were busy shamelessly staring at Rook as he led your dance, you tripped over your feet and landed face first on the floor. ....Why are we here, just to suffer? - You made no movements to get up, if only to hide the embarrassment ridden on your face. - "Rook, I think this is the end for me...Tell my wife I love her," you made a fake coughing noise, "And delete my search history." - God, how did you even get here? Falling to the floor is literally the last thing you want your crush to see you doing, and yet here you were- your only salvation is to joke about it and hope that Rook doesn't think of you any less for your terrible dancing skills. - But as you were wallowing, Rook simply smiles and picks you up off of the floor with a chuckle. You stare at him in surprise at his strength, as he literally just treated you as if you were as light as a stick. -"Oh là, là, mon beauté! Your dancing skills are truly magnifique! Especially for a first time, I must say you glided through the floor like you were the epitome of dance!" He says as he inspects you for any injuries, making sure to dust off and straighten your clothes in the process. "Vraiment élégante! S'il te plaît, mon coeur, dance with me again!" - Honestly, if your face could get any redder, it would. This man is going to kill you one day if you don't get your pounding heart under control.

Idia

- It was one of those rare days in which Idia was forced to go to class in person, and the two of you were literally watching the clock and counting down the time for the lunch bell to ring. - As it so happens, there was a new, special event that was only going to go live for 24 hours, but the gacha pool only had a limited amount of units that were going to be released per server. - If you two didn't hurry, then everyone else was going to snag this thing and you two would be left with nothing! Nothing but crushed hopes and dreams after months of saving specifically for this day. - Of course, Idia lost his chance to get it in class when Professor took his phone and chewed him out for using it during his lecture, and you didn't have the game downloaded on your phone yet (you really only played it when you were hanging out with Idia in his dorm room, after all). But you were both determined to get it. - When the clock strikes 12, the two of you were going to bolt out of there and make a break for his dorm room to hopefully make it in time. Idia would have to get his phone back later, right now the surest bet would be at his dorm, where he keeps several different computers so that you can try to get the thing too. - 11:58.....11:59.... 12:00!!! - The bell rings and the race to his room begins! - Alas, neither of you could really straight up run there, because if you got stopped by a hall monitor or a teacher, then that would be the end. So you two decided that the best way to go about it was to speed-walk there. - Oh, but you had almost forgotten about how enormously tall Idia is. His version of a "speed-walk" is basically your sprinting pace. You'd never notice because most of the time he's slouching, but this man stands at (183 cm/6'), and his legs are just so ridiculously long that you couldn't help but to fall behind simply because you weren't running. - And Idia notices this too, so in an attempt to help you, he decides to pinch at a loose piece of your clothing (this was already going out of his comfort zone, so don't expect him to just outright initiate physical contact without asking) and drag you forward to meet his pace. - Unfortunately, he failed to think his plan entirely through, as his grip on your clothes were not very tight and you were not expecting to be dragged like that. To make matters worse, the halls were also getting crowded as people were making their way to the cafeteria. - Long story short, Idia lost his grip, and you tripped over, getting lost within the crowd of people at the same time. Idia stops to look behind him in surprise to see you getting swallowed into the mob with a terror-stricken face. - "Go, Idia! This is your chance!" you cry out with fake tears escaping your eyes, "You're gonna have to leave me behind, but don't worry, I'll catch up with you. I won't die here...." You give him a tearful thumbs up as the surrounding students calmly walk around you. - He salutes you with tears in his own eyes, "Your sacrifice will not be forgotten." And he turns around to start full-on sprinting towards his destination. - And you stay there on the floor for another second before chuckling when you come to a certain realization: - "I have now both literally and figuratively fallen for him now, haven't I?"

Sebek

- Sebek, being the gentleman that he is, has decided to walk you back to Ramshackle after learning about Malleus' fondness towards the human who calls him 'Hornton.' - Of course, this has become a regular occurrence for the two of you now. Sebek still walks with you under the guise of making sure that you're not a threat to Malleus, but that's only because he doesn't know how to admit that he's become fond of you too. - The two of you were joking around, generally enjoying each other's company on your walk back home, when all of a sudden you find yourself falling to the ground. - You honestly have no idea what had happened to get you here, but what you do know is that following the few seconds after, Sebek is already yelling at the top of his lungs and interrogating the surrounding students who were unlucky enough to have seen you fall over. - "YOU! DID YOU TRIP THEM ON PURPOSE?" - So you just stayed on the floor, pitying the poor people he began to yell at for basically no reason as you began debating with yourself on the purpose of life. - For the most part though, you were just waiting to see how long it would take Sebek to stop for a moment to realize that you were still on the floor. - Ironically enough, it was when he started interrogating some other people when the ones who he just chewed out came over to you to ask if you were alright and if you needed help standing back up. - "WHAT ARE YOU DOING SO CLOSE TO THEM?? BACK AWAY THIS INSTANT, HUMAN!" Sebek yells (when is he not yelling?), this time actually scaring off the people he was just accusing of tripping you. - "ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" - "No, I think I must've broken my back falling for you." - "I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE INFIRMARY THIS INSTANT, AND THE ONES WHO DID THIS WILL NOT GET OFF LIGHTLY!" and just like that, your pick-up line is ignored as Sebek picks you up and begins to run over to the infirmary. Literally the only thing that you could think of now is the fact that, even if you weren't joking and you had actually broken your back, Sebek would probably have made it worse because this is definitely not the correct way to carry someone who's broken their back. In fact, you think, I don't think you're even supposed to pick them up in the first place. - Well, you wanted to tell Sebek that you were fine, that you were just messing with him when you said that. But at the same time, you kinda liked the feeling of having Sebek carrying you like this. It was rather comfy. - "Sebek, I have a first aid kit at Ramshackle that has some things that could help. It's closer than the infirmary, so let's just go there," you say, adjusting yourself so that you were more comfortable leaning against him. - He looks down at you and notices your peaceful-looking face- a face that does not say "help me I've just broken my back and I am in immense pain," and he finally takes a moment to think back on what you said earlier when he asked if you were alright. - With a dramatic gasp, his face flushes pink as he realizes what you had actually meant to say, and in his surprise, he accidentally lets you go too. - "Hey! Was that really necessary?" you pout as you fall to the ground, again, for the second time today. You look up from the ground to see his flustered face and you catch on that he finally figured out what you told him earlier. - "Sorry! You just caught me by surprise," Sebek states, his voice sounding quite meek in comparison to how it was earlier. - "You're going to have to make it up to me for dropping me like that, you know," you say, standing up and dusting yourself off lightly, "And my price is that you carry me back the rest of the way. That's the only way to make things even." - With a flushed face, Sebek nods and picks you up again, this time he became much more aware of how close he was holding you, but he noticed that, strangely enough, he didn't have any problems with it.

Just thinking about how many seagulls it would take to drown out the sound of Sebek's voice lol I'm thinking around 78, honestly

~~~~~~~~~

Sorry for being a little late with your ask! I was hoping to post this for Valentine's day but then work and college decided to drag me through the mud for a bit </3 Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, and thank you for reading!

[missyandthemisfits]

Shinra/Arthur X Reserved!FemReader

A/N love me some Arthur -  

)()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()(

Shinra Kusakabe

- While Shinra's not against the whole 'reserved' thing, obviously because he managed to get the crush in the first place, but he's definitely going to be incredibly awkward when engaging.

- At the beginning, very much gets caught up on the approach and delivery of his greetings and conversations, making them VERY unnatural.

- Never quite knows what to say or how to say it. Tries his best to gauge (Name')s reaction to curtail it to her more but girls are so complicated-

- Little does he know, every single interaction dorky or not wears on (Name)'s cold exterior and soon enough she's seeking him out of her own volition.

- On missions they happen on together, in her free time, every moment they're in the same room she starts to gravitate towards the boy, which only goes unnoticed for a few weeks or so

- Shinra starts to speak a little more naturally around her and bit by bit, he comes to grips with having full conversations with her despite only getting 3 word responses most time

- One day, he's rambling on about how cool it would be if he could suddenly be the 'Hero everyone needs' and (Name) is so touched by the notion, she let's her head fall onto his shoulder suddenly with a silent smile.

- He's sort of a stuttering mess but she's not complaining.

- Blurts out his feelings right then and there - feelings he definitely wasn't expecting her to reciprocate - she does tho.

Arthur Boyle

- Arthur certainly doesn't mind spending his days with someone who's mostly quiet - infact, he'd very much prefer to spend his time with someone like that, a fair maiden who is much more introspective than extroverted.

- A lot of time is spent daydreaming by the both of them and any passerby is left to wonder if they're in need of assistance- they're perfectly okay, just kind of existing in the same space together while also in their own little worlds. It's quite nice, not feeling obligated to keep a conversation going.

- When they do speak, it's also pretty pleasant. It's usually about the most random things; thoughts that come across either's minds, food and what they're in the mood for at the time, if the other feels like sparring - all usually short lived.

- He's the type to randomly hand out compliments, especially when he notices something is different about (Name) i.e. hair, nails, etc. If you think he's not paying attention to her, think again; he silently takes notice of details he'd otherwise not care about in regards to anyone else. 

- Compliments are always earnest and given with a smile (part of him just likes to fluster her), making him that much more attractive honestly.

- It is pointed out by several people in his company about the exorbitant amount of time spent on seeking out (Name)'s presence and just...silently basking in it.

- "It's weird, dude. You guys don't even talk half the time." - Shinra

- His immediate response is a shrug, followed by "I just really enjoy her company." And he really, really does.

- 'Really enjoy' eventually graduates to 'Love' when he starts to really get to know her - her humor, her strengths, her faults - and somehow he finds every little new thing he learns captivating 

- For the most part, has 0 problems confessing when he's ready, even with a rapidly increasing heart rate. (Name) can't help but chuckle a bit at "My fair Lady" part tho, blush and all.

)()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()(

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

I’m in a weird place now because honestly???

I’m more interested in Emily as character than Charlie now. And don’t get me wrong, they’re both very very bland, but they have potential to be developed further. At this point, amazingly, I find myself more engaged with Emily’s potential development.

I think this must just be very particular to the sort of stories I like personally, so I’m not expecting anyone to agree—below is just a lot of musings on things I would have been excited to see in the story, and how I find Emily to have more potential to be interesting as of right now. Not a real review//

I find the idea of a character who fully believes that they live in a utopia, and that their group is objectively correct, only to learn the ugly truths about how their group maintains its power and control and has their whole world view shattered as a result is a lot more interesting.

Emily having her beliefs about her home and her sister, someone she clearly trusts above all else and admires, completely destroyed is something that raises a LOT of really engaging questions and character traits to explore.

If Emily was the main character, how would she work to change things after learning the truth? How would she rebel? Would she be able to bring herself to rebel at all?

How would she grieve for the sister she thought she knew? Would part of her be in denial?

What we do see in the show is that she seems to have been genuinely interested and excited about the idea of a human soul improving and ascending to heaven after death.

and is then rightly furious when she learns about the exterminations:

This is a start, but there is still a lot more to explore with her reaction to make this a more emotionally satisfying scene. It’s clear she’s horrified by this revelation, but because we JUST met Emily and we JUST learned that the general population of Heaven doesn’t know about the exterminations; it falls weirdly flat.

I want to know more about Emily and what she was told about hell before meeting Charlie. I want to know about her general impression of hell in contrast with her beliefs and what she thinks she knows about heaven. But that’s not something the show has time for, because it barley has time to show character depth for ANY of the characters.

I do I think Charlie had the same potential when the only thing we had to go on story-wise was the Pilot—where Charlie, and the audience, believed that the reason for the exterminations was due to overpopulation.

But the series proper seems to have thrown out that idea completely, and the reason for the exterminations now is to keep the demons from becoming…too empowered? I think?

Imagine if the show had kept the idea that Angels kill the demons to keep them subjugated a secret from Charlie and the audience, and built up to the reveal that it was NEVER about overpopulation.

Charlie would have a REASON to want to fight heaven that late in the show.

Honestly, I don’t know why she didn’t want to fight them before, since in her opening monologue, she confirms that she KNOWS that heaven is killing her people to keep them from rebelling or challenging heaven’s judgement.

Charlie would then be having the same revelations Emily had in the last episode. Hell, maybe you could have Lilith or Lucifer being the only ones who know it’s not about overpopulation and keeping the truth about the executions from her and public to “keep the peace”.

But instead, Charlie knows that Hell is just being purged to keep the demons from rebelling from the very beginning. And for me that changes the dynamics of story’s conflict and plot—because now it comes off like she’s trying to redeem sinners despite KNOWING that they’re being killed off so hell doesn’t get stronger. The sinners may not be innocent or “good” people, but if Charlie cares so deeply for her people and wants them to improve-why is she now trying to get the sinners to heaven, instead of doing more to improve and protect hell and fight back?

Man. With the right pacing and build up we could have had a double reveal—where Charlie learns the reason for the exterminations isn’t overpopulation, and Emily learns that the exterminations EXIST. Or heck, have Emily learn the same thing as Charlie and be SHOCKED—maybe Emily knew about them, but has always been fed the lie that the exterminations were for hell’s own good. That it was something done humanely to keep the sinners from being miserable due to overpopulation, or from suffering indefinitely.

If she learns the truth WITH Charlie, that it’s never been about overpopulation and it’s never been to being the sinners in hell relief, this gives Emily and Charlie stronger reason to ally with each other imo.

Idk man. I’m just. I get what the writers are trying to do with the hypocritical Heaven concept, but we don’t have enough world building for how heaven and hell work, and we don’t get in depth studies of the characters and their motives and goals and personalities. There’s NOT enough build up for these moments’ payoffs to feel meaningful.

Sorry, this really isn’t a review, just musings on what could have been. “Character loses their innocence and learns their home isnt the paradise they thought it was” is a common plot point in a lot of stories, but there are so so many ways to make it work for your specific story, and Hazbin had the chance to do this with Charlie and Emily so that the emotional impact of the scene would have been greater.

But because Hazbin the show doesn’t believe in it’s own story and story-telling, we won’t get to see those sorts of scenes.

I just. I don’t know what points Hazbin Hotel wants to I make and what the overall thesis of their story is. I really don’t.

Fuck, man. What else is there to say?

[robinsnest2111]

thinking about the Benson doesn't go ham on his coworkers AU where he and Randy tentatively get closer, Benson learns Randy recently turned 21 but no one really celebrated with him (except his mom who set up a very childish birthday party, party hats, confetti, an adorably decorated crocodile-themed birthday cake and all, maybe even invited some of her friends from church, Randy just letting the celebration happen around him, staring off into the middle distance, expressionless while all the middle-aged ladies congratulate him on his big day)

So Benson takes it upon himself to take Randy to a bar, get him his first alcoholic beverage, trying to get Randy out of his shell (or so he says).

After some back and forth, and some white lies fed to Randy's mom about where he's going and what he's doing ("just a sleepover with a friend from work, mom, no we won't stay up too late"), they end up in a bar a couple towns over (lest word get back to his mom) to properly celebrate.

It's still quite early, not too many patrons mingling just yet. Still, Randy clings to Benson's side like his life depends on it while Benson orders him his first drink. It tastes absolutely awful, and since he's with Benson and has built up some trust, he actually voices that thought albeit in a quiet voice only meant for Benson's ears.

Benson lets out a surprised chuckle, picks up Randy's glass to take a sip, then declares: "You're damn right it does." He assures him it's an acquired taste with a mirthful tilt to his lips, and Randy agrees to try another.

This next one, Benson explains, is a mixture of alcohol and soda, sweet enough to cover the awful taste but packing quite the punch if you overdo it. Just as expected, Randy takes a liking to it, asking Benson to get another one as soon as that bottle has run dry.

The hours pass, the evening drawing in more patrons to the bar, seats and tables are filling with people getting more and more drunk and loud by the minute. Randy is quite tipsy at this point, but also more open with his expressions and reactions to Benson's banter, actually engaging in their conversation, Benson revelling in Randy's attention and marvelling at how beautiful it is to see the boy so alive for the first time. They're still huddled close together, both pretending it's due to the bar filling up to capacity (and, if they're honest, beyond) but it's also something else neither of them can or wants to put a finger on quite yet.

Once it's some time past midnight, the patrons are starting to get a bit too rowdy for Benson's taste, a couple of them stumbling and bumping into Randy's shoulders in their drunken efforts to get from one end of the bar to the other. They apologise but the pats on Randy's back while they slur their "sorry, buddy"s make Benson's blood boil.

He decides it is time to go home, both he and Randy had enough for the night. And it's best to leave when the spirits are still high. Randy is very much drunk at this point, having had one too many of the deceptively sweet drinks. He clings to Benson all the way to his car, stumbling along, smiling up at him with unbridled adoration. It does weird things to Benson's heart.

Getting Randy into the passenger seat and all strapped in to make their journey home is surprisingly easy, the boy's limbs obeying at the slightest push and pull. Randy rolls his head into Benson's direction as soon as he's in the driver's seat, about to turn the key in the ignition. He shoots Benson the brightest smile he's probably ever smiled, mumbling out "Thank you Benson, I had so much fun. I think I love you."

The last part made Benson's heart stop for a second. "We'll see about that in the morning once all the alcohol has worn off."

cue Benson and Randy getting back home to Benson's place, tiptoeing past Benson's mom, curling up in Benson's bed. Randy waking up a couple hours later with a raging hangover, Benson helping him into the bathroom, holding his head and rubbing between his shoulder blades while poor Randy pukes his soul out into the toilet bowl. <3

[corvuscorona]

"You Never Forget Your First Love."

The other day, a mutual (hi! you know who you are I think probably hello hi! thank you for the Posting Impetus!) said something that made me curious (for, like, the 80th time, actually; lol. I Have Thoughts) about something: what's the split on people who subscribe to the "Stranger of Paradise probably intended for us to believe that Jack & Sarah were in love" mindset, vs. not? In general, but ESPECIALLY around these parts.

I genuinely didn't read it that way myself (& I do NOT normally give media (general) this much credit, but the writing in this game is sublime; I had no choice but to fully engage Scholar Mode on it), + I think it's interesting that SPECIFICALLY any of my fellow tumblr people / AO3-heads / Gay People Online / etc. seem to have. (I expect nothing from people who haven't been basting themselves in the same online sub-subcultures as me for over a decade. They're allowed to write wrong things on wikis, and have done so already; it's whatever.)

I wanna metapost badly again, so let's go. Join me. No poll. If you have an opinion on this, I'm looking directly into your eyes and beckoning you towards your own keyboard + also the reblog button / comment section, like a weird ghost. What did you think when you first played the game?? What do you think right now? What are you about to think after you have read a bunch of my words. Tell Me. I Need To Know This.

Spoilers for, idk, everything? Today we will use everything we've got to talk about Princess Sarah.

1. As a Narrative Element

This game makes a point of referring to Sarah as things like "a symbol of hope and peace" as often as possible, & when it isn't doing that she's usually in the role of An Object Or Device Of Some Kind, anyway. She's important because she's capable of holding light and dark in balance & SOMEONE'S gotta hold onto this dark crystal for safekeeping, and also we're gonna need to upset that balance on purpose later. There's that conversation in the Wicked Arbor about whether the Strangers would "choose" her (as opposed to "treasure") as the "reward" for succeeding in their mission[1], & there's the one in the Sunken Shrine where Jed asks Jack what he thinks of her and Jack says that he doesn't care about her as a person[2] BUT that protecting her is mission-critical (lol), too.

Sarah's death is metaphorically charged. It's the point of no return: the dark crystal breaks, the balance of light & dark gets extremely ruined, & Literally All The Darkness In Cornelia converges in one place (Fool's Missive XXVII). That's the payoff for the "symbol of hope and peace" motif, and communicating this idea that "the metaphorical light of hope just For Real Died, Like Catastrophically Imploded, No Take-Backs" feels to me like it was the highest priority here. Second-highest goes to "Jack had way more humanity before, but he set it aside on purpose and is actively in the middle of losing the rest of it." "Sort of." "I'm not getting into what counts as humanity or doesn't because if I did we would be here forever."

Basically, I'm saying that the tidiest read on the situation is "Jack despairs because Sarah dying means in a very literary and final way that everything is ruined forever, which doesn't necessarily have anything to do with, like, Love (romantic)." I don't think the text of the game is particularly signaling that Love (romantic) is involved, and I think that if it meant to, it would be more obvious about it. You could bundle "an romance" into the "humanity" thing if you wanted to, but I'm not inclined to, based on some additional list items that you can read below this one.

[1] The fact that Neon ALSO says she feels bad for her for being thought of in this way only reinforces my conviction that the game is pointing at Sarah & yelling "REMEMBER THAT SHE IS MOSTLY A SYMBOL!", tbh. Who wants to go point out how freaky the mechanics of Being An Royalty are w/ me and the boys??

[2] I will give the Wiki WrongPosters this: I can totally see this as some kind of irony thing, given that he's still missing like a fucktillion of his memories when he says it. However! As mentioned above, I have other reasons not to read it as evidence that he was ever, like, romantically interested in her.

2. As a Sheltered Youth™

We don't have a TON of information to work with RE: Sarah as, like, a person, but here are a couple of hard facts to start with: she's 19 (per the data book, but she'd have to be somewhere in the 18-to-early-20's age range regardless or her whole deal wouldn't really make much sense, imo. She's a baby...!), and she's royalty. I think this ties into her utility as a walking metaphor, among other things; she's archetypically young, fresh, & idealistic. I'd call her naïve but the game obviously isn't interested in portraying it as a weakness, so positive words only; why not.

You could argue that people look to her as a symbol of hope because she hasn't directly experienced enough strife to exhibit hopelessness or fear in response to bad news in the abstract. I find it interesting that before Jack, like, knocks the wind out of her & tells Sophia to take her outside so she can see for herself how bad things have gotten at the end of the game, she says that her duty is to die with her people if she has to, & it doesn't even seem to occur to her that she could lead at least some of them away to safety...? When she changes her mind, she still talks about herself as a symbol before she ever uses the word "leader". She sees HERSELF in terms of symbols and metaphors, and takes action based on her designated role As One Of Those. Not very practical.

There's also the dialogue you can have with the queen the first time you're allowed to run around in the throne room at the beginning of the game, where she asks Jack to smile in front of her daughters (NOT just Mia; daughters, plural). Even if she only means "dude can you be polite please," the fact that this is The thing she has to say to Jack is telling. Is it going to upset your 19-year-old daughter to see that the Guy Whose Job It Is To Kill Monsters looks serious? Why do you think this? Does your 19-year-old daughter understand how serious the situation is, generally speaking? Do you not WANT her to for some reason? Boats don't work anymore unless a weird elf messes with them first. Not thinking very hard about the implications of this is something a sheltered person does.

Residual time loop un-memories aside, a young woman in this situation is so obviously going to have a huge crush on Jack Garland no matter what. He Is So Cool, first of all, & he's also Different from the adult men she gets to see on an everyday basis (family, guards, rando townspeople[3]...). It's not like the political social scene could POSSIBLY be thriving in this world, either; it all seems to be one kingdom we're dealing with and they're kind of busy with the external threat of being Under Fucking Attack By Monsters. Does she even get fun treats like "handsome visiting dignitaries" & what-have-you? The game doesn't present us with any potential options, here. Jack is mysterious, he has special-boy Warrior of Light status, his one job & apparent life's purpose is protecting the kingdom she loves, he's pretty nice to her (even in later cycles he at least goes out of his way to be polite!), & additionally, he's shredded. THIS makes sense to me.

There's a Q&A in the data book that has something to say about JACK as a symbol & what that has to do with this whole thing but we'll get there. We'll get there.

[3] Tangent: what's up with how Cornelia's entire adult male population appears to consist of aging queens. Why did they only make models that look Like That for the NPCs? It's awesome but I have 1 quastion

3. JACK JUMPSCARE !

I'm not about to say that he's just humoring her, or anything, but please humor ME for one second & put yourself in Jack's shoes. Not the default shoes; we can have more fun than that. Maybe the Banded Boots. Blurple ones? Shaped like a cartoon would wear them? Big spikes on the back for no reason? I love those things. Anyway, you're Jack. You're working for literally the king, & the work means Everything to you for reasons you can't even necessarily explain except to say that it JUST does. The king's eldest daughter (very young adult; Never Been Outdoors; a little overly-sociable but nice enough & what do you expect from a princess, anyway) has imprinted on you like a duckling for whatever reason. You would be nice to this person, yes? You'd be patient with her while you're in town. You have Brutal Murders to be doing, but not until, like, 2 days from now, or whatever; you're sharing space with her in some capacity in the meantime & it's in your best interests to keep her happy. (You probably even enjoy doing this, if you're Jack of a Way Earlier Cycle; I'm in no way ruling that out. Sharing your music collection with an enthusiastic Baby Adult? That's fun. I think he was probably having fun. Okay, you can step out of the fun purple shoes if you want; the Humoring Me Minute has concluded; thanks.)

Also, @2000sanimeop and I think that if Jack felt that way about her Astos would have been a little More Something about how much it was gonna suck for him when she died. In Fool's Missive XXVII he uses the word "painful," but that's about it. He doesn't even bring it up in XXV, which is the one where he says he's curious about whether she'd survive being turned into a fiend (side note: Astos fucking rocks. Why did he write that down?? I love him). & Hey SPEAKING OF ASTOS,

4. I wouldn't put Jackstos on a wiki, either.

The writing in Stranger of Paradise, SERIOUSLY, WITHOUT EXAGGERATION, is some of the best I've seen in literally anything ever. It suits not just its medium but also its sort of Place in History Relative to Other Video Games & the things it chose to DO with that medium & that niche INSANELY well. It is CUSTOMIZED. It's SO INTENTIONAL. I can't get too far into this or we'll be here all day, but the essence of what I want to say here is: there are relatively few facts presented to us by this game, compared to the implications we can go about drawing from those facts & other, external sources of context.

Sarah calls Jack her first love; that's a fact. No facts are presented to us that REALLY say much one way or the other[4] about what Jack thinks of this, himself; "fucktillion memories missing" Jack says he doesn't care, but he's missing a fucktillion of his memories, and DLC2 Jack has a set of dialogue options (hi Anne the Malboro I love you Anne the Malboro) that can point either way depending on what the player chooses, which is kind of nothing, on balance. As the audience, we can (should!) draw whatever conclusion we want about it, but none of those conclusions are text.

[4] I WILL GET TO THE DATA BOOK IN ONE SECOND. HOLD ON.

And, okay, please let me level with you. Let's be on the same page. Jack & Astos had some kind of thing going on, imo, OBVIOUSLY, but I want to be CLEAR and I want to get CREDIT for the things I'M bringing to the table to help generate this conviction. I drew that conclusion & I read that reading based on subtext, context, personal history, personal preference, & sheer gay zest for life. It is also, emphatically, NOT TEXT.

Astos refers to Jack with the ol' "...friend" in Fool's Missive XXI. He calls him "my Jack" in Fool's Missive XXXI. Canonically, textually, he has some big fucking COMPLICATED fucking feelings about this man. These are facts. If you're playing this game as Some Guy, I can see how you could potentially absorb these facts & still pay them much less regard[5] than I did & continue to. My argument here is that god I wish I lived in a world where Some Guy could extend the same courtesy to me and not treat Sarah's textual affection for Jack as something that necessarily indicates Some Kind Of Reciprocal Romantic Whatever, Definitely, Obviously, Of Course.

[5] Longer Tangent: I have been informed that the Some Guys of the world are currently pretty good at Recognizing a character that behaves in a way that's Pretty Gay, but tend to stop there, possibly for the combined reasons that A. they're not very familiar with a lot of the the ways gay relationships often work (you know, soul resonance. mutual recognition. sharing a brain etc.) and B. the Object Of Affection is usually the player character and they subconsciously shy away from thinking of a Guy They're Supposed To Identify With as gay. This is practically a lead-in to an entire separate post I could make, so I'll leave it at that, lol.

The writing is too good for that kind of assumption! I'M SERIOUS!! It's mind-blowingly subtle & endlessly fascinating to hold up to the light & view from every possible angle, and "Jack & Sarah were in love" + "Jack & Astos were in love" are BOTH ANGLES. I'm personally very very interested in giving the text credit for that. I think it's impressive. I think it's really, really cool, and I think it was on purpose. Speaking of which,

5. Word of God agrees with me, btw

This is from the Q&A section on page 156 of the Confidential File. The translations below are my own (I think they're straightforward enough, but lmk if you know more than me & I'm actually being stupid in there somewhere. Alt text has the JPN, if you want to copypaste it or something). Someone asked:

Why is it that you established Garland as someone Sarah has a romantic interest in?

The answer is from Daisuke Inoue (director, one of 3; the other 2 are from Team Ninja; he's from Square Enix):

That was because, from a narrative standpoint, we wanted Sarah to be the kind of person who holds onto hope. You can imagine that she saw the "hope" to save the world in Jack, a potential Warrior of Light. Sarah is seen by her people as a symbol of a bright future, but if there were nobody to give her hope, that might destabilize her emotionally. As for whether she felt genuine love for Jack, or just mistook her feelings of admiration towards him for "first love," we'll leave that to your interpretation.

The first time I read this, I thought the question was implying the aforementioned Reciprocal Something, but on closer inspection that doesn't even seem to be true! "思い人" seems to indicate a directional relationship; as in, the question assumes that Jack is an object of affection to Sarah, but assumes nothing about what Jack thinks.

Also, the answer uses the word "初恋" (hatsukoi), which is a very established Concept as far as "first love" goes, but in that one cutscene, Sarah says "初めての恋" (hajimete no koi), which is. Different, but I couldn't tell you how, lol. It's Not The Exact Same Phrase, but I'm not sure whether it's meaningfully different in this context. If I had to guess, I'd say that IF ANYTHING it could be a way of saying "first love" without invoking the cultural CONSTRUCT of First Love (as much)? But it's whatever. The localization holds up. All sources show that Sarah had Feelings about Jack, and all sources CONSPICUOUSLY neglect to mention Jack's feelings about her.

It was on purpose. This is my license to be as annoying as I want for one second here. I am right. All the other writing in this game is notably subtle, efficient, intentional, and skilled, AND ALSO, WHEN do you ever see anyone write such a richly beautiful, mostly-subtextual relationship between two men, which can easily be read as a romantic thing, and NOT explicitly canonize a very possible romantic relationship between at least one of those men and a woman, like not even in an interview or anything. What the fuck, man.

I'm putting away the Respectable Scholar Hat now. This is so funny. The person asking this question didn't EVEN go as far as assuming Jack & Sarah had any kind of Actual Romance going on, & the answer STILL dials it back to "she might have been conflating her feelings about Jack AS A SYMBOL with actual affection, also. We'll let you decide : ) ". This game is everything ever.

[cloveroctobers]

FEBRUARY FLUFF — CHICAGO FIRE.

A/N: do people still read for this show? Not what I originally planned for my final piece for my feb. fluffs but when you binge watch reality tv (Love is Blind) you can’t help but to redirect some place else right? Rip to that Kelly piece!!! Also this allows me to be all descriptive with a synopsis intertwined! + I’m only at the beginning of season 5 of Chicago Fire so I know I have a long way to go although I know some spoilers here and there…

In short: Chicago Fire meets Love is Blind.

S/N: this is lengthy!! So if you have the time to read this and interact, thank you! Also I apologize for joe’s being the shortest of the bunch—at least I think it is since there’s not nearly enough content of him up here. I didn’t want to hit the mark with writing this which I’ve surprisingly only done once on this site. I wanted to do hermann as a potential older contestant? Don’t know if that’s the right term but again didn’t want to over do it so maybe another time! Enjoy 😬

ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ.

[MATT CASEY.]

He originally had no interest signing up for this show despite some producers reaching out to him via emails + phone calls and kinda harassing him in person about it! but after careful thought and consideration, he went through with it. He’s not really into people giving their opinions about how he operates so being viewed by the world was another weird feeling regardless of his politician era!

Matt decides to be open after meeting some of the guys who share their perspectives and seeing some familiar faces that he didn’t expect to also be here.

He’s not really nervous, deciding to just go with the flow and actually takes it serious despite talking through a wall.

Matt Casey is a man who is willing and ready to settle down and that’s his goal. He’s not sure if this place or set up will bring that but he knows he has nothing to lose.

Most of his dates go well, they’re honest, driven—for the most part and somewhat humorous and he’s able to quickly narrow it down to picking you.

He’s as sure about you as you are with him. Conversations feel comfortable for Matt, your voice quickly putting him at ease although you joke that you’ll probably sound like shit once you look back on the footage. And he gives you butterflies whenever he says your name in greeting.

You’re the only ones choosing to continue going on dates with each other immediately and nobody else. They say when you know you just know right?

Matt shares his dating history but it doesn’t scare you away like he almost began to worry about. You share your history as well and nothing the both of you say in the pods is alarming for each other… besides the fact that he’s a firefighter.

Sure it’s an admirable profession and you assume he’s in good health but it also scares you a bit at the fact that you could be a widow one day because of his job.

Politics is unfortunately brought up too but you both don’t dive too much into it thankfully. You both know where you stand and he tells you that his time as a politician was a mess and not really his lane which you don’t doubt. NEVER would have guessed it tbh.

Conversations are always meaningful and you both don’t hesitate to share your values and future goals with each other.

You’re open and there’s no secrets: including family.

He’s the first to propose out of the men and you’re in tears since you wanted this for a long time. You say yes and are a bundle of nerves the rest of the night until you’re face to face.

The attraction is just as strong as it is in the pods and as for the appearance you only assumed he was a dark blonde—that’s about it.

Matt can’t stop staring at you and you have to remind him that he has to propose in person, which makes him blink harshly with a shake of his head, laughing to himself, patting his pockets until he finds the box.

It’s a halo teal sapphire oval engagement ring and it’s perfect.

You can’t help but to initiate the kiss and Matt wipes the faux sweat off his forehead after, happy that you took the initiative before gaining confidence to go forth with the next kiss. You note that he likes to hold the space of your back (a lot) while staring into your eyes along with you locking your arms around his shoulders.

The giddy feeling is mutual when you get back to the headquarters, sharing the deets to your temporary roommates/cast mates turned friends.

The pre honeymoon phase lets you physically be in tune with each other. You take note of each others routine. Matt is the early riser but you have to remind him that he’s on vacation and can stay in bed longer with you although it’s always instilled in him to be up early.

He likes sleeping with limbs tangled and being the big spoon, hand in the valley of your chest which you hold just underneath your chin while you sleep. He’s always on coffee and breakfast duty since you may sleep later but not too late.

He won’t make the bed if you’re the last one out of it but if you’re in the shower (badly singing) that’s not stopping him from plopping right back on it hands folded behind his head and ready to doze back off.

You catch him but he says, “what? I was just resting my eyes,” such a dad answer already! you both give each other a blank stare before he snorts first, making you laugh right with him before pecking his lips.

He’ll color coordinate with you but can’t say it’ll be a common thing unless you’re going to events together or it happens on accident.

He checks in on you whether in the hotel room when it gets quiet or when you go down to meet everyone else before falling into separate conversations.

I don’t believe there would be any doubts between you two if you share similar goals and ofc not all things can be peachy!!!although everyone stamps their approval on your relationship. Not that either of you cared much tbh but you appreciate it regardless!

It’s when you ask about who’s the first person he’ll call to tell about your engagement that takes a bit of a turn. He doesn’t say it’s his mom but probably his niece who will obviously do the job of telling his sister which you kinda find cute but encourage him that talking to his mother and sister is important if you’re going to be in his life.

You’re aware of the disconnect that Matt has with his family but if you have kids you’d want your kids to know their father’s side of the family as well.

“What’s there to know? I already told you everything.”

“Matt.”

“…I’ll figure it out. Right now I just want to enjoy my person to be.”

“Nice save.”

“Right?” He winks, pulling you on top of him.

You don’t wait until your wedding night to have sex—unless you’re a traditional person then by all means he’ll respect your wishes although you make it very difficult and you know it. That doesn’t mean you can’t do other things!

He does end up calling his sister first and she thinks it’s a joke before Matt’s showing your face on screen. The casey’s are usually direct people but she’s polite in greeting you and can’t help to let out a few wtf’s and, “are you on something? Maybe politics rotted your brain with you deciding to go be involved in a cult?” when the screen is brought back to Matt.

You’re laughing at the look on Matt’s face because you’re sure you’ll get the same reaction from your family.

Diving back into what a regular lifestyle would be with Matt is an adjustment. He’s gone a lot as a lieutenant and you manage to see each other in the early mornings and late evenings. You’ll have your own job so you try not to let it bother you too much but coming home to a empty house allows you to debrief from a stressful day (which you don’t handle well, maybe you’re a crier when you get easily frustrated) but you still check in with a call or text to see how it’s going with your fiancé.

You agree to have date nights at least twice a month since having dinner together is tricky. Matt forgets sometimes :( but always makes up for it!

Matt’s great with his hands whether with construction (he’ll always fix something in the house or anything you purchase that arrives broken!) , firefighting, golf (which you find to be a complete snooze fest but you’ll tag along if Matt’s alone just to whip the golf cart around the course mainly but Matt’s fails to take your father/uncle/brother’s advice about letting you drive—earning you to get banned from the course. The owners are quite fond of Matt and didn’t have the heart to ban him but you? Had to stay out!) or let’s just say it, sex! Loves holding your hips to guide you just right, wrists above your head, or simply just holding your hands while he’s on top.

He learns you’re not the best driver—being heavy on the pedal (a few unpaid speeding tickets under your belt, just two or three tops!) but at least you excel at gymnastics and tennis?

I don’t see there being any or much drama with any other cast mates since you know how to solely focus on each other and communicate even if it’s something simple/minor.

Eventually Mrs. Casey will come around to meet you and you see where Matt gets his intense eye contact from. It runs in the family since you also got it from his sister but you handle it well. She has no issue drilling you to the point Matt has to tell his mom to back off since she doesn’t get the best mother of the year award.

See…there’s that bluntness you have to take in and hope you don’t get whiplash. You have to remind Matt to relax himself since he did say that he forgave his mother but sometimes the harshness still came out from all of them.

Picking your dress is what makes this more real for you, more than the ring and you know this is fast. The fastest you’ve ever gone in a relationship but when you think of marriage you think of someone like Matt so any worries you may feel seem to wash away—not completely but enough!

And they come right on back walking down the aisle, all eyes on you. Matt is so handsome, waiting at the end for you, carefully taking your hand in his and whispering how stunning you look.

When it comes to the vows is when Matt gets nervous that he refers back to his cheat sheet and you find that adorable along with him getting choked up at some parts telling you his promises. “…You have no idea how long I’ve dreamed of this moment, getting the chance to be someone’s forever. Being beside you for the rest of time is all that I could have hoped for. You’re my walking dream and I can’t believe I had to go on tv just to find someone like you! Guess this worked out in our favor and I promise to love you and those other crappy shows you force me to watch for as long as I can. Which will be a long looooong time, by the way.”

There he goes making those butterflies flutter in your belly while also making you smile so wide that he can’t help but to match.

You go next and the words flow as you stare into his eyes, holding his stare while placing one hand on his chest. Your words are just as loving and Matt knows you’re genuine, you never not once shown him that you weren’t.

You both agree to get married with a dip of a kiss, a promise of love to infinity and that love is blind.

BONUS: definitely love slow dancing together and hand holding a lot + hand kisses, a honeymoon doesn’t happen right away—maybe a year later in Australia ;), you both purchase a house together after two years—a fixer upper 😒 that Matt has to convince you to get but it is the house style you’ve always wanted plus you were great at bargaining so you got it cheaper than the asking price, you’ll adopt a dog after six months of marriage since you babysat pouch one weekend and truly believed it was your destiny to be a dog parent first—no you didn’t discuss it with Matt deciding just to surprise him one day at home—you can only imagine how that went, and I get girl dad from Matt so I envision two girls + a boy…which was unexpected since you weren’t really trying the last time but argue amongst yourselves!

[BRIAN “OTIS” ZVONECEK.]

My baby! I want nothing but the best for you!!! Shut up, Don’t ruin it guys.

He’s down for the show and is the one to reach out to the producers after joe brings it to otis’ attention. He signs them BOTH up and joe is confused on why?? But Otis claims he won’t do this on his own and would never ask his actual brothers to do this with him because they’ll give him shit for it and knows joe would truly have his back. Joe gets soft hearted at this tbh and would never argue against that and they both surprisingly get picked!

Otis is excited but nervous all in one. Could his forever significant other truly be here in this building? Otis just really wanted somebody to love s/o JB! and for them to actually love him back. Why was that so much to ask for?

He feels like he screws up majority of his dates and expresses this to joe and the other guys they make friends with. They’re encouraging, pushing Otis to keep going although he’s honestly ready to go home but the last date makes him glad he stuck it out.

He meets someone who is just a little bit nerdy like him but he still takes the cake. He’s into sci fi while you’re into fantasy but you find a bond in that. You also inform him that you have terrible eyesight with grandmacore glasses and dryly blame it on your actual blind mother. She wasn’t born blind but a tragic accident left her that way. It takes a minute for Otis to catch onto your dry humor but finds he likes it.

Which leads to him asking about your profession guessing a comedian but you snort and say you’re actually an assistant writer/artist for a well known graphic novel company. Otis doesn’t need to hear anymore, half heartedly joking about marrying you right now!

You don’t call him by his nickname at all which Brian appreciates. Quickly learning about his last name and culture you test it out with your own name giving your first and middle name and Brian agrees that he likes the sound of it already.

Big note taker out of the two of you! He doesn’t want to forget anything while you tend to have a great memory with shitty eyes. You can actually blame it on too many nights growing up playing video games on the computer.

He makes it known that his Russian isn’t the best but he gets by and even teaches you a few words and sentences that it becomes a thing in greeting.

The gift giving to each other is so sweet as you have a sip and paint date, Brian gifts you a Zhostovo tray that has lots of detail that you appreciate since you once had a hand painted serving tray that belonged to your late grandfather, which broke recently while you took care of your mostly bed ridden mother.

He also lets you borrow his famous helmet and fills it full of wild flowers + peonies and you’re laughing about it joking, “I’ll have to wear this when we meet.”

“Would you, really?” “As long as you promise to help fix my hair afterwards.”

He didn’t expect you to do that but he’s in for a shock.

Part of him begins to worry the quicker he falls for you, wondering if you’re dating other people + even asks the other guys because one thing about Brian? He’s gonna search for the tea and get answers no matter who likes it or not! and you do speak on it before he brings it up that there’s one other person you’re talking to but it seems one sided, meaning they’re more into you than you of them and that you recently just broke it off which allows Brian to let out a big sigh of relief.

From hobbies to having heart to hearts, Brian is ready to make his final decision and wants to pick you if you’ll have him. You like to make him sweat just a little bit, taking your time answering and finally let up with a, “hell yeah zvonecek, thought you’d never ask!”

“Yeah well I was starting to regret asking since you took forever and a day!” “I was building suspense.” “And here I thought you were into fantasy!” You laugh and speak your farewells soon after, ready to meet each other the next day.

The led up to the big reveal is nerve wrecking but when those doors open the both of you are wide eyed although you have your back to the doors with the helmet on. Brian runs to you and you have to remind yourself to move your feet, spinning around as you meet him past the middle.

He shakes his head at you smiling at the fact that you actually did this, and surprised that those printed large framed glasses were able to fit under it too, gently pulling the helmet from your head to place on the floor so that he can also get a good look at you. Hair a mess and all!

“Look at my husband!” You grin after he slams his body into yours in a tight embrace.

He’s a shaky mess but you don’t mind holding him upright, holding his face in place as you study every inch. “I thought your spirit was beautiful before but you even have the face to match.” He’s rolling his eyes at you but he can’t help but to let a smile slip out himself. You’re making his heart thud like crazy and he says he needs to sit before he actually collapses.

“Wow, is this real life?” Brian finds himself asking multiple times as he rests a hand on your thigh and you nod and kiss him to show him it’s the real deal.

“Me and you baby,” becomes your thing and he has to keep chasing your lips because he can’t get enough of them.

You caress his face a lot and he remembers that physical touch is your love language. You didn’t lie about that! But he enjoys your touch and you playing with his facial hair that he left out. He gave nothing about his appearance away and you were okay with that. You were pretty patient and liked the element of surprise! You’ve always been creative so you tried to picture it all and even drew some ideas in your sketchbook.

“Oh right! The ring! This is crazy, I’m sorry.” Brian has to pry his eyes away from you as he searched his pockets and realizes that he either forgot it or dropped it somewhere.

Which you help him look for just for it to be in his back pants pocket, you had to be the one to pull it out with him bending over searching a potted plant. “Hey! We didn’t even have a date face to face yet and you’re already grabbing my ass?”

“It’s our ass now, genius. And I’ve found it, you’re welcome.” You hold it up in between you and Brian rubs his face in embarrassment but you’re smirking at him.

He’s down on his knee and imagines this is how it would probably always be with you. He’s down bad for you already, hands shaking again as he reveals a goregous ring. It’s a modern take on a three princess-cut grown diamonds. They are encircled by a halo of baguette and round accents and from its side it appears as floating diamonds which is breath taking.

“My man has fabulous taste!”

He exhales relieved, “You like it?”

“ Shut up and kiss me.” You demand and Brian doesn’t hesitate. Here’s a little secret, you can’t get enough of his lips either.

When it’s time for the pre-honeymoon, you don’t keep your hands off each other. If you want to wait until marriage, he will. If you don’t? It’s fair game. He eats well ;) he’s passionate and attentive, you can be a little on a rough side—don’t let the grandma glasses fool you but you always have a safe word and have Brian tell you what he wants and what’s too much if you push the envelope too far. Words of affirmation in bed definitely sets him off and you love it just as much. You love to take care of each other.

He doesn’t understand how active you can be before and still have the energy to be up at the crack of ass ready to prepare breakfast and eat. You are a bit of a routine person but if it has to be altered it doesn’t bother you much. You don’t take yourself too seriously which brian likes.

You will force him to do mediation with you on the mornings of your pre-honeymoon and affirmations to say in the mirror—which is weird at first but once he gets the hang of it and believes it you leave him alone to do it on his own. You open him up to new things and just to be himself. And he opens you up to be more in tune to your own feelings and not just everyone else’s.

Meeting Joe is just what Brian wanted and you reveal you and Joe went on one date together in the pods but he wasn’t the one who had more interest in you it was another guy. And Brian is a scoffing mess once he sees him again, “that walking protein shake? Really?!” Whaaat? I friendzoned him didn’t I? I only want you, Kartoshka.” You peck his cheek and nip his ear, leaving him a blushing mess and joe is wide eyed in disgust. “What did they just call you? Get a grip man.” “Shut up, joe.”

There could be a little drama with the meathead who is in disbelief that you would pick Brian over him and tries to show off despite being with the person he picked to marry. But it’s obvious he’s not attracted to them and is belittling to them. You set them straight in front of everybody and thankfully the girl calls it quits with him.

Brian finds it hot that you’ll stand ten toes down for him just like he will for you. And that stamps more approval from joe that you’ll make it as a couple, gaining a big hug from him which you return.

When you return home, his baba is already there and he comes clean since he actually wanted to wait until you were both settled that he’ll start reaching out to some family although you already made calls to your besties as soon as you got off the flight. Brian felt pride at the thought of someone being excited to tell their loved ones about him.

He felt incredibly lucky to be loved by you and hoped you felt the same so he didn’t B.S. to his baba about you. You didn’t understand much of their conversation but the woman yanked you into her arms. Your eyes went wide at her strength but a thumbs up from Brian over her shoulder meant all was okay.

Brian talked highly of his baba so ofc you wanted to make a great impression more with her than anything. She was the one who always believed in brian while he experienced tough love from his mom and big brothers so you couldn’t lie and say that her opinion mattered less when it mattered the most!

You were both nervous meeting each others family and friends, although you found comfort in joe and his fiancée already being friendly with them but the both of you were relived once it was all over.

It was mainly 50/50 on both sides who were in shock that this was happening and had more concerns than questions—which was the same thing in both of your eyes when each side stated this but you both understood that your loved ones had the right to be skeptical.

You were positive that Brian’s mother didn’t care for you or really approve, his brother’s attitudes felt condescending but they said they would be there whether to support or to see this fail was their own business but at the end of dinner they seemed to ease up some leaving the hounding to be done by their mother instead.

Your mother on the other hand was a simple woman. She felt along Brian’s face and smiled saying to you, “he gets points for being a cutie. If you love his heart and he’s good to you, then I’ll be more than happy to call him my son in law.”

Which definitely lifted your spirits!

A home routine for the both of you wasn’t traditional considering that Brian had joe for a roommate and his fiancée decided to move in with them and baba was in town again. Brian had a bunk bed with one twin sized on top and then a full on the bottom so there was that! He planned to get rid of it, worried that you were judging him but you just threw your hands up in the air silently saying you were keeping your thoughts to yourself.

You alternated spending weekends with each other. You lived on the outskirts of town where the historical houses were, inheriting an old Victorian from your late artist of a grandfather where you resided with your sickly mother. You had a caretaker who became family so you didn’t have to feel guilty when you would spend weekends at Brian’s.

He loved chatting with your mom when it was his turn to stay at yours. There was wittiness behind that shell of quietness and she loved having tea tasting with Brian in the garden.

He’s a talker so any time he isn’t talking would be when he’s pissed, when he’s sleeping, or when he’s deep into a book trying to process everything before he’s yelling at the pages.

The both of you like lounging on the couch, feet in his lap while he’s into a novel and you’re sketching.

Pillowtalk is absolutely a thing in this soon to be marriage! Early mornings are a common thing for Brian so he sets his alarm just ten minutes before he has to be up for work to talk to you about the most randomness things because he likes picking your brain.

You get familiar with firehouse 51, meeting Brian’s chosen family and even bringing your mother along just to say hi and always sensing when Brian just needs to see you or hear your voice + hanging with your mom is always a plus. She’s a pretty cool lady too!

And baba also likes her!

Brian would be the type to want to know what kind of dress you’re going for so he can create mental images himself but you won’t budge! He even peeks through one of your random sketches to see if you drew about it or have a vision board buried somewhere to give him an idea. He’s not patient when it comes to the wedding and can’t wait to marry you.

He’s never been so secure in his life!

He’s a sweating mess on the day of the wedding and goes into a dry heave but he’s thankful that his family is there to bring him through it. It means a lot to have everyone there, even his actual brothers!

You on the other hand? Like to dance your worries away tbfh. When you’re nervous you like to throw darts or break out into a mini dance routine that starts off with a moonwalk every damn time—which Brian caught once or twice. “What the hell was that and why have I never known you could move like that?!”

Long story short your alcoholic deadbeat dad was a tap dancer and even started you out at the age of 3. You picked up things pretty damn fast but found you were more passionate with other forms of art although dance was obviously still there.

And your mother was an ice skater before her accident brought on other health issues, so yeah you could move on your feet which was another thing Brian could add to the list of things he loved about you.

So you may have broke out into a routine in your dressing headquarters once you were alone in spanx before getting into your wedding dress. Then? You were good to go.

Brian was glad that you didn’t spare any details about your attire besides the fact that you were wearing a dress. Vintage was kind of your thing and you took your mother’s dress that she brought from goodwill years ago transforming it into just what you sketched. That’s right, sketched with the help of your designer best friend.

“I’m speechless babe,” Brian breathed as he scanned over the details of you in front of him, “I don’t know how you expect me to give my vows when you look like that.”

You smile sweetly at him, head titling to the side, “just wait until you get me out of it.” Winking at him.

He puts his head down, rubbing at his brow, face pink and warns you through clenched teeth, “remember we’re in church, in front of a priest…” which earns laughter from everyone.

You give your vows first because you surprisingly can’t wait to claim your love to Brian and you seem so at ease speaking about him while he’s melting from the lights and nerves! It’s natural for you and maybe it has to do with you being a writer but he wants to hold onto every word that you say for a lifetime.

When it’s his turn he’s a stuttering mess and the comforting squeeze from joe and the caress of your fingers underneath his chin makes him stand up tall. “…I never thought that I would ever find a love like this before. A curveball that knocks you off your feet but you find that you’re okay because it’s the most loving yet dorky person behind it that sends it your way. I am so grateful that you chose me to spend forever with and I hope that—wait—and I know that I can be just the right guy for you. I am so ready to do everything and more with you, including getting old and saggy together. I’ll even give you first dibs on plucking my first strand of gray hair out but I know you probably won’t because you’re so ready for change and seeing what the world has to offer. And I’m ready to offer you love, devotion, and a huge chunk of that world. I’ll always look foreword to saying I do with you right beside me.”

You’re kissing him before the priest gives the final say, which you suddenly remember pulling away and laughing, “sorry, we’re supposed to wait for you to tell us to do that. But I couldn’t resist, this is my forever person! So hurry up and get on with it so we can go round two.”

“Forgive them…and they say I’m the impatient one.” Brian jokes while the priest is shaking their head at you two before moving on with the ceremony and the both of you are a smiling mess, forehead to forehead, excited to put your lips to good use again with the answer of: love being blind.

BONUS: honeymooning in the states was okay with the both of you. You had time to see the rest of the world and Brian was a bit indecisive about where to go so you both closed one eye and threw a dart each at the map landing on Massachusetts of all places! Another round later and your destination was Salem. The both of you brought back weird but cool trinkets to decorate at a later date once you found a reasonably priced home. It takes time and Brian is more than willing to move elsewhere from joe and his vocal fiancée! If you get what I’m saying! He was fine with them keeping the apartment 100% while he was ready to build more life with you. He wanted your mom to move in with you two but there was no chance in hell that she was leaving the Victorian behind…so visits were a common thing at your remodeled (Brian was sick of old houses that didn’t feel updated so he was ecstatic finding this updated listing!) typical Chicago style four bedroom home that was built in 1883, Brian did his podcasts a lot in the cozy large basement and you even joined in sometimes since he always deemed you as his number one fav guest!

halloween? The both of you went off with the costumes with you on makeup duty (that Brian hated sitting hours for because his ass ached okay but always loved the end results and the decor), you’ll go to conventions together since you had the hook up thanks to your job, you’ll help out at Molly’s when they’re swarmed with customers—although you weren’t a drinker but knew how to make a mean firestarter, you’re both cat people until Brian ends up allergic and the hairless cats creep him out so the idea of having pets kinda went out the window, and I also picture him with a kid or two but he’s heavily nervous based on hereditary facts + being a good dad but you both don’t have to have it all figured out yet being worried is enough evidence that he will be 🥹

[KELLY SEVERIDE.]

Listen…Kelly didn’t want to be the guy that did this just to meet more women or anything like that but he thought it would be fun and had time off that he needed to take so why the hell not?

He didn’t expect to be around these many guys and their egos, including his own but here he was!

Casual dating was right up his alley so that’s how he kept it at the start. He knew at some part of his life he may want to settle down but he never had a grand example of what that would look like honestly.

Which is why he wouldn’t be so screwed up if things didn’t work out here…so he hoped.

He wasn’t heartless like some may believe!

Majority of the dates seem to go by fast but he knows how to keep conversations going so it only makes sense along with his imagination going wild trying to picture each person he’s talking to although it really shouldn’t matter but it does to a certain point for him…

One voice in particular sounds familiar and part of him feels like he can’t shake it but he continues talking to her although she seems to skip around some of her background.

However Kelly isn’t all that interested in family backgrounds but feels like talking about anything else like: what do the weekends look like for you? Tell me about your first crush. Most spontaneous place you had sex or made out at. Are you a beach or mountain person? Corny things like that.

He’s made the mistake of mentioning his position as a firefighter and immediately picked up on the tone of those that found more interest in that than anything else he had to say…which got old fast and made him start mentally crossing them off.

He kept talking to the familiar voice and then there was you, the complete opposite to everything he spoke of. When he asked you these questions and you brought up that you already knew that he was a firefighter since the others wouldn’t shut up about it and that you weren’t interested in sliding down his pole made him choke on his beverage in laughter.

“What if I told you that I grow cannabis for a living?” “I’d say…how’s that working out for you?” “Then I’d say idk because my phony friend took over and although it’s supposed to be recreational I really can’t get past the smell so whatever! I’m actually a forensic analyst and we can move on past the basics.” “Well…if it makes you feel better, I smoke cigars.” “It doesn’t.” Kelly laughs with a shrug, “okay then.”

You’re surprised that Kelly wants to go on another date after your first encounter and you very honest about it. “Give yourself some credit. I see something in you that can be worth it.” Kelly doesn’t hold back. “Oh please. What’re you really here for?” “What do you mean?” “Why’d you come on the show for? solely entertainment? “i came here because I was told I don’t get out enough.” “Is there some truth to that?” “When you work as hard as do, yes. You know how it is.” “Sure I do but I also know how to have the right balance.” “I can smell the Vegas on you.”

You keep Kelly laughing and find it odd that you have him somewhat figured out and he’s still trying to get a read on you.

Sooner than later you open up to him—which isn’t something that you do really but it’s something about talking with Kelly that feels different than with all the others. You didn’t pay much attention to the other girls who felt a way about you and the other girl that still got to go on dates with Kelly. It really wasn’t that big of a deal and you didn’t see the point in having envy towards anything. Things that are meant to be will be don’t they say?

The next time you meet the both of you talk about any and everything and it doesn’t feel forced. Just a natural convo between two strangers trying to figure out if they could be each others one. “Hey, are we friends now?” Kelly asks after he ends up telling you about his old friend Shay. You sigh and dramatically say, “if you say so but you can’t tell anyone.” “You are brutal,” he’s laughing again wiping the corners of his eyes, “thanks for letting me talk. I haven’t spoken about her in awhile.” “Ah don’t mention it. Most people say my shoulder is comfy which I don’t understand since they’re broad thanks to many years of being on the swim team.” “Oh shit okay! Were you any good?” “I had no choice but to be. Didn’t know how to swim so my dad made me learn to become a swimmer…which is why I said I’m more of a mountain person rather than a beach or whatever you enjoy doing more. A lake! That’s right, you’re a lake guy.”

Then there’s the subject about fathers and that’s a lengthy one! You didn’t intend to get so personal but it seemed like this Kelly guy brought it out of you—considering you’re friends now or whatever. You only tell each other one thing physically about each other but it’s only because you both let it slip. You’re aware he’s got blue eyes and he’s aware that you have a sleeve tattoo with one of them being a moose.

“Why a moose?” “Why blue eyes?” Kelly rolls his eyes, “stop being annoying.” “Fine. It’s my favorite animal and I’ve got two but the big one, that moose is in a tux smoking a pipe.” “…I can’t even picture that but I love it if you like it.” “Well maybe one day you’ll get to see it.”

Which makes Kelly raise his brows. He wasn’t expecting that but he recovers fast before that date ends shortly after. And he has no problem sharing this info with the guys he’s closest to back at the headquarters.

He becomes conflicted when he has another date before he learns it’s Brittany who’s been using her middle name instead of her first. Now he’s irritated because he felt like she should have just been honest from the jump and not play around.

Brittany’s apologetic and Kelly can’t help but to ask how she’s been and how things were resolved with her family. She says they’re in family therapy now but she moved out to Thomasville, GA. She can’t lie and say that she’s not curious about how things are going with you and Kelly but she makes it clear to Kelly that you don’t share much of what goes on in your dates + felt like your attitude sucks.

“Why? Because she told you to probably mind your business?” Kelly asks.

Kelly doesn’t like how it seems like Brittany begins to speculate or almost bad mouth you since she doesn’t know you like he does. She can sense this may go left so she tries to clean it up saying that you’re not as open as everyone else but atp Kelly doesn’t care about the info given and she also says that you’re nowhere near ready to be married to him.

He ends the date early and lets the producers have it but the producers warn him and Brittany not to say anything else about the matter to anyone. Kelly doesn’t owe them shit, telling you exactly that Brittany is his ex wife from an impulse marriage in Vegas and he hasn’t seen her in years or knew she would even be here.

You’re listening, not saying much and Kelly feels his heart rate spike thinking that you’ve left but you’re laughing now. “It all makes sense on why she was being so nosy. I think she’s curious about a round two with you.”

“Nah, not gonna happen.” “She didn’t know you would be here either.” “I told her my name first and she lied using her middle name instead. So she had to connect the dots at some point.” “You’re right but you felt something before and recently to keep pursuing her so you can’t just brush it off now since she and the producers lied.” “…why does it feel like you’re trying to push me out?” “I’m not.” “Yes you are!” “Kelly…I’m just saying I’m not here to deprive you of anything. Her being brought back into your life again might mean something.” “Like what?” He snaps, “that I go back to old habits?” You’re not sure what that means but you shrug, “I don’t know but you’re both here and you should figure it out.” “Is there someone else?” You pause because you weren’t expecting that, “no, Kelly. There’s not. It’s just you. I’ll talk to you later.”

He’s upset about this but he’s got a few more days to get it together. He really slows down and talks to Brittany most of the time before his final date with you then he has to make his big decision. It’s somewhat tense between you two and quiet but you don’t ask any questions about Brittany because why would you want to spend your time talking about another woman?

Once you get past that tension and you’re both bringing laughter out of each other, Kelly knows you’re the person he wants to talk to the most at the end of the day and he knows the decision he’ll be making tomorrow.

When he proposes the next day it’s along the lines of, “I know what this feeling is and i know I’d be a complete dumbass if I let you slip away. You’re exactly what I need to get through just a day so I can only imagine what life would be like with you in it all the time. Will you marry me?”

And when you’re face to face, the both of you have shit eating grins on your faces and can’t help but to laugh. “We’re doing this huh?” “Only if you want to.” He bumps your shoulder as you sit beside each other, knees touching and him running his fingertips over the ink on your arm.

“I think I have to see what I’m working with first.” “Meaning what?” “Plant one on me, duh.” “Oh! Is that what you want?” He’s teasing. “I mean…a big part of how you kiss me is on the list: if I should spend until the end of time with you.” “Did I ever tell you that you’re something else?” He’s grabbing the sides of your neck and you’re running your fingers through his salt and pepper hair. “Eh, I’m used to it already.”

He likes the way your nose crinkles when you’re being your usual sarcastic self and he’s staring at you with a glimmer in his bright blues before he’s diving right to you.

You hate to admit it but the man knows what he’s doing with his lips + tongue and he knows that you’re enjoying it based on your body language. “Did I pass?” You’re playfully glaring at him, trying to slow your breathing + taking note of the gap in his smile and say, “give me the ring, damnit.”

It’s a 1 carat emerald diamond with French diamonds (he explained to you) that extend half of the way around the band. They say everyone thinks about what their ring would look like but you also never thought you’d find love again after being cheated on multiple times. It was evident that Kelly put thought into this ring and into you.

So you grip his cheeks and kiss him again before wrapping him into your arms, feeling the tears in your throat. Kelly rubs your back whispering, “I’ll do my best to make you happy.” “No need to worry, you’re doing great so far.” And you’re laughing again and enjoying the feeling of being in his arms.

The Pre-Moon added to the energy of being a fiancé and fiancée. You’re wearing Kelly’s cap backwards and this is marked as Kelly’s fav outfit on you yet. You in the warm weather is the perfect view in Kelly’s eyes as you settle into your hotel.

He’ll definitely pull you into the shower with him since he doesn’t have to shower alone now. You caught on pretty quickly, enjoying the makeout session and wondering hands but you don’t take it further than that, just sticking to teasing on the first night.

He’s the partner that likes to sleep with the tv on although it doesn’t make sense to you. He’ll be taking care of the electric bill if he keeps this up outside of the show! Lots of pillow fights, “catch this!” and WWE moments that lead to more makeout sessions. Leave it up to Kelly and he’ll never leave this room. He likes walking around shirtless a lot trying to get you riled up but if he hasn’t noticed you’re a tough cookie.

It’s when he goes out onto the balcony ass naked shouting good morning to the villa, you’re yanking him right back into the room while he’s laughing. “Is there a problem?” “Yes! Why are you sharing our business to the rest of the villa?” “Our?” Kelly questions with a smirk while you keep your eyes only on him. He’s stalking towards you now after you created space between you two. “That’s what I said. Now put some clothes on!” “Is that really what you want?” “Are you planning on going skinny dipping at the pool?” He thinks about it letting a wide smile greet his face. Shaking your head you say, “never mind!”

Neck kisses and nose kisses are a thing between you two. The attraction is magnetic and 1000000000% there but you don’t officially do the deed until you’re back in Chicago on a houseboat he brought and is renovating to resell.

You wake up in complete bliss, his arm tucked underneath your jaw and fingers touching your shoulder which he kisses the back of. You’re staring at your ring, crooked smile on your lips as he’s peppering the side of your face in good morning kisses.

“I didn’t get to show off my lingerie.” You pout recollecting how the events of the night happened on impulse—but a good impulse nonetheless.

“You could model it for me now.” Kelly suggested, “or…we can shower together and get ready for the day. Meet everyone at 51.”

“You didn’t even tell them yet.”

“I told Matt and Dawson—Gabby.” He informs.

“Then I can meet them but want to wait on everybody else.”

“Okay,” he’s ready to get up but you’re pulling him back, “let’s stay in bed just a little bit longer. It’s still early.”

He can’t cook for shit and his stove isn’t repaired yet so a trip for bagels, coffee, and tea for you was a pit stop before heading over to Matt and Gabby’s where you meet little Louie as well. You and gabby understand each other’s humor and like that you’re honest about knowing how crazy this marriage thing may seem but the focus was on the present that leads up to marriage. You would put in the work if kelly does and so far it’s been great but honeymoon phases can wear off…

You have your own place and didn’t like staying on a houseboat by yourself, so a weekly routine did include you staying back at your own place while Kelly would spend many nights at the station which you stayed away from until it’s brought to your attention that Brittany shows up to the station based on a text she “accidentally” sent you. “Look who I picked up to have lunch with”

Here comes the drama the producers were looking for! It was an off guard photo she took at a table they were sitting at for lunch and you didn’t give her the satisfaction of replying. You would just wait until Kelly showed up for breakfast…hours later. He sent a good night text that same night and you left him on read which he tried not to think too much about.

Finding your front door unlocked was alarming and this was his first time being at your place, which was pretty nice. He calls out to you but he can smell the food so he quickly turns to his right to find you in your kitchen.

“Hey,” he starts, making his way over to you to peck your cheek before rubbing his hands together at the food spread and taking a seat at the island counter, “…what’s up?”

“How was your day yesterday?” You start, stirring the contents in your tea cup.

Kelly’s diving into his food and shrugs, “t’lright. Busy as usual. Missed your call on your lunch break and then reached back out to you once my shift was over. Figured you probably fell asleep right before.”

“How was lunch with Britt?” You casually ask sipping at your tea mug.

Kelly stops chewing, bright eyes flicking back to yours.

“And don’t hit me with the ‘what’re you talking about?’ She sent me a photo on purpose although she tried to lie about it.”

“…it wasn’t planned.” Kelly starts.

“No?”

“No, why would I willingly go out to lunch with her if I said all that I needed to back in the pods?”

“You tell me, Kelly.”

Kelly tightens his stare, “Stop. Don’t do that.”

“I’m not doing anything but trying to carry a conversation with my fiancé. Questioning why he’s hanging out with his ex wife…that’s all.”

“We weren’t hanging out! I just told you that. It wasn’t planned. I went to go pick up lunch for the squad and she so happened to be there having lunch by herself and she invited me over. I sat down and then we talked. I was only there for five maybe ten minutes sitting.”

“That’s five to ten minutes too long for not having anything else to say.”

Kelly lifts his shoulders, “I don’t know what you want me to say here.”

“You should have told me instead of her trying to gain some sort of one up on me saying that she picked you up when she actually didn’t. Which is weird as hell by the way.”

“I can’t control what anybody does but I do agree, I should have mentioned it last night although nothing happened but you didn’t answer any of my texts.” “Don’t try and flip this on me.” “I’m not! This just feels like you’re trying to start with me over nothing.” “Is it really nothing though?” “I’m not your loser of an ex okay and I’ll never be that. I know how that feels and I won’t steer you wrong. I love you, okay? If you have any doubt, just put your trust in that ring.”

As he mentions this it feels like the engagement ring burns against your skin but you’re staring at Kelly, taking his words and knowing they have weight to them. Blinking you step back, “I have to get to work, enjoy breakfast. And don’t forget to lock up on your way out.” Is all you say before sliding a key his way.

And he watches you leave while he rubs his face is frustration, pushing the plate away from him and no longer having an appetite.

The both of you are hard workers and push your personal business to the side as you enter your work places. However that doesn’t mean in the free time that you don’t think about each other. This was your first disagreement…if you want to call it that but your feelings for each other were strong and demanded to be felt.

You didn’t see Brittany as a threat at all, finally deciding to send back a text letting her know that whatever she’s trying to get at has clearly passed her by and that there is no need for her and kelly to continue any contact. If she didn’t respect that then there would be hell to pay :)

Thankfully she gets the message, saying that she’s already on the next flight back to Georgia and Kelly is at yours first since you’re the one with a late night. He’s made himself comfortable on the couch, watching sports, and you don’t head to the kitchen that has take out on the table, you head right to where your man is on the left side of the house. You plop beside him and he side eyed you, turning the tv down before turning his head to you.

You tell Kelly exactly what you told Brittany before apologizing about being somewhat accusatory but not about how this made you feel. He’s aware of the hurt you faced prior and know it’s a big deal giving your heart to him. He promises that he’s not going to break your heart and you promise that you’re learning to be more trusting.

Every other weekend when Kelly’s not working on the boat you head out to his lake house, liking the views but not the idea of fishing—but it’s baby steps with you.

It’s the little things that the both of you are getting the hang of. Kelly’s hasn’t been in a long lasting committed relationship since his first engagement but he knows he likes being with you doing the things you like to do and having new experiences on what he likes to do with you. It’s all about sharing and Kelly jokes that you’re not the best sharer.

Meeting each others families at a little get together at your place also puts each other into perspective besides word of mouth to each other. Everyone that the both of you socialize with agrees to be at the wedding (even Mr. Severide who asks Kelly off to the side if he’s really serious about you but it’s not like he’s taking advice from him!) which you actually pushed to the back of your mind although it’s coming up pretty damn fast!

Very protective over each other even when speaking of one another, lots of squeezes you’ll give each other in passing: he’ll squeeze your shoulders when you’re hunched over your laptop looking over something for work when you should be off-reminding you to relax, squeeze your hips and move you aside so he can get by, you both like to rub each other’s back when you’re hugging, if he’s sleeping with his back to you, you’ll use his bare back at your pillow, he’ll throw you over his shoulder the minute you start bickering with him over something, you can ask him something as simple as what type of food to eat based on two options and he’ll say something annoying like, “both,” with a shrug and you’re ready to playfully choke or slap him on the back of his shoulder.

He loves his mustangs and you love your broncos. The both of you will swap cars for a day or two just because or you’ll grab the wrong key—he thinks you do it on purpose. He basically lives at your place now and it’s the norm for you two.

What may not be normal is that feeling in your stomach the sooner the date to your wedding approaches. Kelly always tells you that you can talk to him, that the both of you should be able to talk to each other if something is bothering you so you have a conversation three days before the wedding.

“Do you think we’re ready to be married?”you ask one morning in the bath while Kelly is shaving his face.

“Is anyone?” He says staring at you in the mirror, “If the relationship is real I think most just let the nerves get the best of them and may look for a way out. You don’t think we’re ready?”

“I mean…we’re still trying to learn each other.” “True but you’re scared to take that jump aren’t you?” “Yes.” “Okay,” he goes silent for a moment, “is there anything I can do that will change your mind?” “About getting married in three days? I don’t think so. Are you ready to get married?” “At the start in the pods I wasn’t sure but talking to you made me feel hopeful again I guess. I haven’t really thought too much about it recently but I liked seeing you wear the ring and it was like we were just living without the label. Now that it’s coming up…I might be unsure again because I’m getting in my head about it…but I’m positive you’d make a great wife.” “…Maybe.” You had your doubts about that title just like Kelly. “No, you will. And it may not be in three days, weeks, or months— “or years,” you interrupt.

Kelly exhales with a roll of his eyes, “but you will and I personally want to keep getting to know you.” “Good, glad we agree on that.” He’s stepping to you now and squats down beside the tub, reaching for your cheek to place a kiss on your lips, “just making sure you’re prepared to piss a lot of people off. I assume this means no big show at the altar?” “You would love to do that wouldn’t you?” Kelly grins, “only to the producers, not our family or friends because those producers kinda deserve it especially since I heard them making bets on us.” “We don’t owe them a damn thing.” “Yeah, you’re right. Just thought I’d pass it along and see what you think. So…still my fiancée for now?” He tests and you nod your head, “cool, what do you want to do today?”

And you smile in the fresh morning and Kelly admires just how pretty you are when you have your mind made up. There was still love written in your eyes the longer the both of you had eye contact as you say, “I’ve always wanted to go to Belize.” “Yeah?” Kelly quirks up his brows, “think you can get a bag packed in thirty minutes before the camera crew get here?” “I love a challenge, Kels.” You’re standing up now and Kelly wraps his arms around you, lifting you from the tub, “so do I.” He says into your neck before setting you down on your feet and slapping you on your bare backside to get going.

You’d like to state that you’re not very impulsive but jumping on a flight with a man you agreed to marry after a few weeks of talking behind a wall but chose to ditch the wedding speaks volumes! The both of you are nowhere to be found (Kelly makes sure to call Boden about his minor absence after a day in Belize) but you both know at some point you’ll have to return to reality, for now being with each other without the constant worry about what will happen next is the most freeing feeling you both received.

For the audience: Is love blind for this couple?

[JOE CRUZ.]

Otis was lucky Joe loved him like a bro, otherwise he wasn’t sure he would really try out for this sort of thing…although he knew it would be nice to be in love.

Especially if it turns out to be genuine.

He gets excited being in the pods and actually liked going on dates and felt like he can be quite the romantic if he puts in the effort. However he knew he couldn’t dive right in and had a balancing method that worked out in his favor since most of his dates seemed to hit off but still lacked something.

There was one that was questionable and a little weird that he had to dip out on but for the rest of the ladies he could say he had a solid time.

There’s three contenders that he’s socializing with and one of them steps out of the experience with joe because she felt like her connection was stronger elsewhere. Joe appreciated that honesty and wished her well before continuing with the two women.

It’s still early so he doesn’t have to have it figured out now but he does take into account how he feels chatting with them. Both match his energy yet one is more…sexual than the other and ofc joe doesn’t mind it but he wants to make sure there’s more than just the physical if the plan is to get married at the end of this, so he makes note of that.

Then there’s you who makes him feel like he’s right at home, someone who feels like a friend that he can love past the platonic.

You have inside jokes, drag all those dance movies especially, “save the last dance,” (never magic Mike tho! Which makes joe scowl and roll his eyes) and joe is comfortable admitting that he’s into rom-com’s because who, “doesn’t love a good love story,” but is absolutely into action movies with a detailed storyline as well.

It just feels like you both come to terms with wanting to talk to each other every day and feel happier in doing so. So…he makes the decision on choosing only you to focus on and awkwardly tells the other woman who simply shrugs it off saying, “you’re probably old, fat, and balding in the middle anyway and you’re not as funny as you think. Your lost, asshole.”

Leaving joe wide eyed and caught off guard at being dragged. When he tells you about it you scoff saying, “she’s the one who lost with that nasty ass attitude. Don’t listen to a thing she says because we all know she doesn’t know her times tables anyway. And I think anyone would be glad to have someone like you in their corner so screw her.” “You mean that?” “Cross my heart and hope to fly.” “Thats…not the saying.” “Well who the hell hopes to die? Not I! I’m not even in my prime yet.” Joe chuckles, “that’s fair. Thank you for that.” “Of course, now dinner with Kanye or are you taking the twenty grand…?”

May let out a sigh of a, “I love you,” during your many talks and once he realizes he says it out loud he’s scrambling trying to save himself but you’re shushing him.

“I mean I am pretty fabulous so it’s about time you share those same views.” You start, “and I’m sure I love you too and what this little life will be.”

Which was all the confirmation joe needed to continue working at what this could be and that’s exactly what you both did.

He’s only nervous when he has to face you. More worried about what you’ll think about him physically after that previous dumping brought up his baldness unknowingly and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t curious about you as well but the heart always knows what it wants.

“You’re gorgeous, honey.” He says as you’re caressing his head then his cheek and he’s holding on your waist. You wink and say, “as are you and we got the heart to match so sounds like a win don’t you think?”

You both give each other a nice spin hyping each other up before joe’s down on his knee to propose with an engagement ring.

A 2 Carat Pear Diamond that’s twisted along the band with more diamonds on its side.

“Ohhh, impeccable taste Joey! This is chef’s kiss but you’re already the best gift a girl can ask for and I can’t wait to be your one and only.” Joe’s all heart eyes as he’s getting to his feet to connect your lips.

And you’re both letting out a sigh like this is where you’re meant to be.

The pre-moon is even better. Superior weather and views + being with the man you can see the future with. You’re quite aware of joe being big hearted and it doesn’t disappear. Breakfast in bed, he pays attention and gives his input on fits when you ask for it—even when being self conscious he’ll still compliment you reminding you of your worth, making requests of saying ‘I love you,’ morning, night, and even when/if you’re getting on each other nerves. He knows he’s a blanket hog since he gets cold easily but thanks to the hotel sheets being tucked in so tight he can’t pull the covers too much but promises he’ll do better when you get back home, you help him shave the back of his head, and he’ll help you with your eye drops since you flinch too much doing them yourself.

You’ll spend a lot of time snacking and lounging on the balcony + night time swimming and sunbathing. “I don’t need that,” he says to the sunscreen and you give him a look before he’s sighing taking the cream from you, “you’ll have to get my back,” “always boo,” you state knowing that joe will learn to not argue with a esthetician.

Meeting Otis already feels like you know him since joe talks quite a bit about him. And it’s just as easy talking to Otis as it is talking to Joe and he deff gives baby brother energy so you know there will be no issue looking at him as such. The party goes by smoothly and you catch joe staring at you from across the tiki bar and shoot him a funny face before carrying on although you do feel giddy knowing that his eyes are only on you.

You’re both tipsy and love drunk when you get back to the hotel so it’s no surprise that you both end up underneath the covers. Joe kisses like he’s got all the time in the world and takes his time even further exploring your body and even once he’s in between your legs. He has no problem telling you how you make him feel in your ear and you both learn just how vocal you equally can be.

The next morning is just as loving but Joe’s hangover is not although he claims he didn’t have that many drinks. You on the other hand have a high tolerance and provide just the best hangover juice to cure it while massaging his head with peppermint oil, along with a cucumber facial he tries to eat, and beginning to take care of Joe’s marked up back. He hisses as you rub aloe on his back, “hey! A warning would have been nice you know?” “Well at least you know now,” you grin pecking one of the scratches while Joe scoffs at you over his shoulder before placing a kiss on your forehead.

Lots of forehead kisses and hugs from behind. Lots of rants from him that you nod along to and although it may seem like you’re not paying attention you’re actually a great listener although you space out sometimes. When you get back to Chicago this doesn’t change once he gets back to work and he’s talking about his day. You do have great commentary and know which conversations require that same commentary thrown in while he’s going off or when to wait until he’s done.

“So…how was your day?” He’ll say after awhile, seeming to finally take a breath, knowing both of your fields of work were way different. He assumed you had more peace of mind but there were some clients that liked to show their ass and when you first started with your cousin not only did they try to get over but so did your clients so you had to bring out a different side to you and stood on that.

Which meant renting out a new space and separating from your paternal cousin who was holding you back. Once you did that it seemed like everything in your life started to work out, including joe.

You were saving up to get your own place, growing tired of living in the downstairs space which was like an apartment of your aunt and uncle’s who raised you. You never really had to live on your own although many judged you about it being in your adulthood but you were thankful that you don’t have that experience of being forced out like many friends did. You paid your way once you knew how to manage your money. Joe was more than welcoming you into his space but you kept questioning if Otis was okay with that…

If you’re a black reader (or POC or wearer) and use wigs as a protective style/preference, you can almost guarantee that Joe will steal a black wig cap for his head at work since his caps might not be clean and he’s sure 51 wouldn’t notice. But you did!

Sunday dinners are a thing at your aunt and uncle’s which is something Joe wants to incorporate in your own home life. Having dinner with family is so important (even eating with everyone at 51, joe holds dear to his heart) and likes that it isn’t tense like it would be with his dad and Leon. He helps your aunt with the dishes while your uncle chats with him and you’re working on plating the dessert.

They’re asking the tough questions he’s prepared for. Where you’ll see this relationship going in the next five years after marriage? Would marriage still be on the table if you choose to keep seeing each other and not go through with it? How you’ll handle disagreements? How many kids if the lord is willing/ how you’ll raise them and in what faith? How you’ll plan to support each other in life?

You don’t interact with Joe’s father since he doesn’t either. One day you were sure he would tell him but his tío is aware of his choice, which is concerning at first but tells Joe that he hears the sincerity in his voice. You do have a hour long conversation with Leon who gives his stamp of approval, calling you, “sis,” already which makes you grin knowing that his spirit is just as infectious miles apart. He’s direct in questioning your love for his big bro and you give just the right answers.

House 51 is welcoming, more brief, and humorous. The usual standard questions: what do you do for work? Hobbies? Why on earth would you pick Joe to marry? Lightheartedness which is more easy to deal with than the seriousness of your aunt + uncle and Leon.

The tour of the firehouse is eye-opening along with the few stories joe tells you about. You know when to give squad 3 shit back whenever you pop in and the older men become family too with lots of texting in a group chat without joe—which he’s confused on why but accepts it after some time knowing it’s no ill intent but definitely side eyes severide if he feels like he’s getting too close to you for his liking but ultimately knows you have no interest in anybody but him.

Leaves out that he had a minor dating history with sylvie and is awkward when you two meet. Otis finds this amusing and slyvie is confused on why Joe is being weird but says nothing more than that. You eventually find out that the two use to date + how it ended + they’re still friends and you shrug, “okay…do you want to see any of my exes to make yourself feel better?” Joe’s giving you wide eyes and spits out, “that’s only going to give me high blood pressure, so no thanks.” You burst out laughing against his chest, “then let’s finish our show.”

You don’t mind having times where you don’t do much but you also like a balance of doing more than just simple. Joe takes those hints and tries to come up with ideas here and there in his free time and if you’re not feeling it you’ll come to some sort of compromise.

Things feel natural between you two like you’ve been in each others lives for a decade already. Was that enough to carry you through marriage?

You feel pretty in your dress and not nervous which makes those in your corner eye each other. You usually always keep your composure but most expected you to be a little nervous but you weren’t. You knew what you had waiting for you out there and it felt right. The conversation you had with Joe the night before last also made you content with your decision.

The compliments were flowing as you stood in front of each other with soft smiles. The ceremony felt as fast as this proposal and you had the honors of going first, “…I met a guy with a heart of gold and wants to see the best in everyone. The one who constantly makes me feel like it’s okay to accept love past a friendship and see a lifetime worth of memories in his eyes. I love how we are together, show up for each other, and that I am the only woman in your heart. Marriage is the biggest leap on top of this proposal and I’d be honored to be your wife. To show you just how much love I can give in return….”

It’s Joe’s turn, “…I usually don’t have the best judgement when it comes to love but you’ve shown me that anything is possible. That I made the right choice and can push to do whatever my heart desires and I’m positive that’s you. You’re so uplifting even with your sense of humor and I think that’s the best thing I can ask for. Someone always having my back but also knowing when to tell me that I don’t need to give everything away if people aren’t ready to accept it. I knew I could love you not only in the pods and yeah I wear my heart on my sleeve a lot but I won’t be ashamed of that. You never make me feel ashamed of that. This is the most insane experience that I was forced into which I can thank my boy, Otis for! but it brought me to you and I can’t be mad at that. I love us and I’ll love us even more with time. We have a bond that is meant to last so I know we’ll still make in due time…”

Which is why you chose to hold onto your engagement longer because that felt right. You both moved to your own drum but Patience felt like key in this relationship. You didn’t want to break up but just grow and it made the most sense although many were clueless at this being the route you both took including the producers.

You still had an engagement party at firehouse 51 since the producers didn’t want to include the reception since you both didn’t go forth with a marriage. “You’re probably gonna regret that when the real marriage happens buddy. They pay for all that crap.” Otis whispers over champagne and joe groans before he remembers, “well I’m sure her uncle will help out since he was in the CIA or something…I hope.”

Before long you’re both on the dance floor, happy with where you both stand in the now and what’s later to come.

ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ. ಇ.

FEB. FLUFF FIN.

[about-faces]

I'm still loving Gotham Nocturne and I wish it was getting the love/respect/attention is deserves. I've spoken several people who haven't been reading the current Detective Comics run because they're Batmanned Out (good lord, do I get it) and they see it as just another attempt at some kind of "ultimate Batman story with Batman fighting the ultimate evil," which I strongly disagree with.

THAT SAID... as time has gone on, and the story seems to be reaching its finale, there are a few things that stand out of me as problems with this epic storyline.

1.) It's one of the most egregious examples of "writing for the trade paperback." This simply isn't a story that's meant to be read month-to-month. It's too slow, with too little "happening," at least on the superficial level. Paradoxically, it's NOT a story that should be binged! The best comparison that comes to mind is Better Call Saul, since that's the only other example of serialized media that's meticulously slow-paced yet INCREDIBLY RICH for those willing to engage with it on its level rather than expecting it to be Breaking Bad (or in Nocturne's case, a typical Batman story.) Ram V is capable of writing super-engaging monthly issues, as the fantastic Rare Flavours proves, but that brings us to...

2.) The story is sprawling. Maybe even TOO sprawling. When it comes to people who are sick of Batman, I try to sell them on the fact that this story is about GOTHAM AS A WHOLE, right down to the villains who call it home, and how everyone there is as intrinsically a part of Gotham as Batman is. But ensemble stories like that are tricky, and it makes the focus feel all over the place at times, with alternately too much and too little attention being paid to the main players, Batman included. It's a balance that was handled beautifully with Batman: The Audio Adventures, but it seems a bit more awkward here. Again, it's hard to pull off!

Like, we have characters pop up and then vanishing without explanation. We got Azrael back in the AzBats armor for the first time in decades, like, holy shit! That should be a HUGE development! And then, poof, he vanished! There's simply no time to explore Jean-Paul's character because there's so many other things the narrative needs to explore.

This feels like it would have really benefited from a companion series, something to focus on the characters the way the backup stories have done, but just more so. I think about how Peter Tomasi would write companion books to the main big storylines written by Geoff Johns, Grant Morrison, and Scott Snyder, and how he'd focus on character, which always enriched the greater "big important storyline." Which, in turn, also brings me to...

3.) The backup stories have really lost a lot of their punch since they stopped being written by Si Spurrier and were taken over by Dan Watters. Watters is incredibly capable, make no mistake, and his Cheshire/Lian Harper story is one of my favorite parts of this entire saga. But by and large, his tales focus more on the spooky and weird sides of what's happening with Nocturne, whereas Spurrier's stories were more focused on characters navigating the weirdness of the events. As a result, Spurrier gave us what I consider to be some of the very best stories about Jim Gordon, Harvey Dent, and Victor Fries ever written. I really miss those, and how they enriched Ram V's (possibly overly-ambitious) narrative.

Ultimately, Gotham Nocturne feels like the Batman equivalent to an arthouse film, which means it's going to be appreciated by a handful of nerds while leaving most other fans cold, and I can't really blame them. If anything makes me sad about all this, it's how all this incredible character work with Bruce, Harvey, Victor, Talia, and others is going to be ignored. Hell, it already is, given the complete lack of acknowledgement we've seen in other Bat-books for what's going on in Nocturne.

At this point, I just hope it sticks the landing in the finale, because I want to be able to have a complete, satisfying epic to recommend to people who want something a bit richer than the typical "guy in Bat costume punches clown" stories we usually get.

[sageistrii]

Can you please help me with understanding some points?

Today I saw a viminer that was clearly a Jimin anti and I’m so pissed that people claim to stan him just for a clout or because they believe in certain narrative that they have made up by themselves.

Their behaviour is truly hypocritical - she said Jimin has always been careful about lgbt community and v has been always loud about it - “Taehyung gifted Jimin “woman” clothes, so he started accepting himself”. But she never mentions that Jimin called out V for saying that man shouldn’t check selfies, called out members saying that he didnt get why they are so upset about wearing dresses.

But when in one ask someone said that V was being controversial about lgbt - “he called out Jimin for liking man, laughing at his attitude to Jungkook” that girl defended him🤡 like V has always been supportive more than Jimin

Tell me am I right or wrong? Do we have a masterpost about Jimin supporting lgbt or should we make one?

Ok I get this, and it's not like we can ever expect these people to paint him in a good light. The funny thing about how stans use idols or celebs in general talking about or engaging with queer media as proof that they're queer is funny because when you look at someone who's obsessed with queer media or at least wants us to think that they are, it's the straightest person ever. Enjoying a certain type of media doesn't mean you're part of that community, most times queer people engage with and consume straight media more, it doesn't make them less queer.

And I don't understand why we have to prove that Jimin supports LGBTQ.. is he getting an award for his support or does his support cause any significant change in the community?

Also if you ask the average kpop Stan who isn't an army that can't stand the idea of Tae with a woman so they try to convince themselves he's gay because he posted about a wong Kai war movie, to list 10 idols they think could be queer or idols who have helped to break gender stereotypes, Jimin will be the only BTS member on that list.

It reminds me of how armys diagnosed jk as autistic and call him "babygirl" when he would never be the first Idol anyone would think of when they hear the term "babygirl", also how years ago armys and Taehyung stans swore Tae was "unique" because he acted "weird". Everyone wants their fave to be "not like the others", stans and their neverending quest to prove that idols are queer or autistic because they think it makes them unique or because they want to see themselves so bad in the idol even if that idol is anything but.

I think we are past the era when we think someone is gay because they post about gay media. Most BL fans are literally straight women. I'm attracted to women and I consume more straight and mlm media than wlw, it doesn't change my sexuality.

A lot of people think Jimin is queer for reasons that are deeper than these.

Until a few years ago when certain BTS members discovered what the fans wanted to see and what was accepted by their international fanbase, they would literally say the most insensitive things to Jimin about his masculinity, Tae included. That man discovered that fans eat these things up and he's not looked back ever since.

Like I'm not accusing anyone of anything but I just don't think Tae is as close as he is with those wooga squad men and then he's actually queer, or that he could even push anyone to self acceptance. That's like the ultimate "bro club", they are misogynistic and I've heard homophobic too (although I don't know how true that is, I think people just say they are because they give that vibe and I get it). If he's actually queer and oh so forward thinking then being friends with people like that isn't a sign of self acceptance at all in my opinion or maybe wooga squad members are good people in private lol.

I don't think anyone should be making a post to prove that Jimin supports the queer community because he's the last idol that needs that defense.

Jimin has been subjected to homophobi* and transphobi* for years because he's always been himself but of course Tae is more progressive simply because he watched a gay Netflix movie and posted about it on Instagram 😭

[idekforfun]

Comfort ... JJk

Summary: After scoring an invite to JHope's album release party, Yazmine isn't expecting anything more than to stick to the sidelines and enjoy the free drinks and music. Little did she know what her ever growing relationship with the rapper would lead her to.

Pairing: Idol!Jungkook x OC

Genre: Fluff, slight angst, strangers to lovers, ongoing series

Word count: 2.7k

...

The only thing I am able to think of as my eyes scatter across the room of popular faces is "the amount of talent in this room is enough to swallow me whole". I’m overwhelmed with anxiety and I can't seem to remember how I was ever able to suppress it. I'm finding it increasingly hard to hide behind my extrovert persona, the one that is a lie, a huge lie in fact.

 I realized I had been lost in my head when the sound of loud clapping brought me back to the real world. I barely catch the very end of Hoseok's speech, something along the lines of "Thank you for supporting me", and "enjoy the food and music" then he gives a bow and walks down the stairs where he is immediately pulled into conversation. Oh, I can't even imagine the anxiety he must be feeling. I could simply stick to a corner and hide in the shadows, whereas he has to socialize with everyone out of obligation.

Socializing. For some reason I forgot that I'd have to do that. I've been able to avoid it thus-far having arrived minutes before the actual album started playing. Now, everywhere I looked someone was talking to someone else. I realized I couldn't just stand here alone forever. I examine the room for someone I know, even better someone I have interviewed because I'll take any familiarity I can at this point. This whole ordeal is making me question my job because how am I able to meet celebrities on the daily, and here I am stressing about having to socialize at a party.

I was too in my head again, so I didn't realize someone had been calling my name until I felt a few taps on my shoulder. When I turn around, I was met with no other than Jessi, thank god. We have met on more than one occasion, and she has a weird ability of making people extremely comfortable, something I am immensely thankful for right now.

"Yaz!" She pulls me into a hug. It actually does well to soothe me. "I didn't know you were coming."

"I didn't know either," I pulled back from the hug with a gentle smile. "Actually, I was kind of surprised."

"Why, are you and J-hope not close?" she questioned.

"I mean, I had him on the show and we got on really well. We've also messaged a lot, too." I know I sound hesitant speaking, as if I'm not sure of the words I am saying. It is kind of hard to believe that Hoseok would want a friendship with me of all people, let alone be close.

"Oh, he definitely adores you, we even talked about you once," she has a sparkle in her eye as she talks and for some reason, I feel obliged to believe her. "Also, he was one of the best episodes on your show by far."

She is right about that. It has been my most viewed interview by a pretty wide margin. Part of me knows it’s due to the fact that he is J-hope of BTS, obviously, but it was also such a good video. All my interviews follow a simple formula. I bring the guest on and we engage in whatever activity they enjoy, in Hoseok’s case dancing. It brings a different level of intimacy that you can’t get from simply sitting across from one another and reading questions from a card. The conversation always flows naturally, and it’s all so genuine. On top of that, even I can admit that Hoseok and I just clicked. Our personalities complimented each other well. So much that we even continued to develop our relationship through messaging, and now I am attending his album release party which is a very important step in his solo career. Maybe we are closer than I allowed myself to believe.

“Yeah, it was pretty great actually.” I could see her eyes light up at my slight self-indulgence. Maybe I should give myself more credit.

We both turn our heads at the call of Jessi’s name from across the room. She gives me another smile and hug and tells me that she’ll find me later. I am left alone again but it’s not as bad as before. The anxiety has decreased significantly, which made my apparent hunger more noticeable. Hoseok did say to enjoy the food so I might as well. The snack table was filled with delicious finger food. As I was reaching my hand to grab a bite of some expensive looking cheese on a toothpick someone called my name. I turned around to find none other than Hoseok’s bright smile.

“So, I see you made it!” He pulled me into a hug. Not the ‘barely touch you because this is a little uncomfortable hug”, but a “I feel like we’ve known each other for years hug’.

“Hoseok, you’re incredible. The album is amazing, the release party is amazing, your outfit is amazing!” We pulled away from the hug and I could see a feint blush on his cheeks hidden well in the dimly lit room. “I’m serious, you may be the coolest person I know.”

“Yahhh, you’re boosting my ego too much.” He said while smiling shyly.

“You also may be the humblest person I know so I actually don’t think that is possible.” He smiled at me again and I swear I saw a glimpse of the actual sun in him.

“Do you know anyone here?”

“A few people, mostly through the grapevine.” He could sense my hesitancy right away, I could tell.          

“Come, I’ll introduce you to my friends.” He said as he gestured to the general direction behind him where his so-called friends were. Knowing him, his friends could be some ultra-famous idols that have better things to do than interacting with me. I could slowly feel the anxiety creep back up my spine, and my heartbeat slowly increased.

“I don’t really want to be a bother,” he looked down at me with squinted eyes and a tilted head. “I promise it’s okay, I like being alone and these appetizers are calling my name.”

He chuckled at me in disbelief, as if that was an insane thing to say in a room full of celebrities. I guess you could say a part of me is forgetting that they are just normal people too, so I shouldn’t be feeling this intimidated by them. At the same time, I’ve seen celebrities get starstruck over other celebrities, so they really aren’t just normal people and I am going to tell myself that my feelings are valid.

“C’mon, you’re never a bother. You’re my friend and I want my friends to meet you” he said reassuringly. I guess that answers my earlier internal debate. After 2 seconds of contemplation, I let myself believe him, and I signaled for him to lead the way. He lit up and tugged on my wrist so I could follow him.

I don’t know who I was expecting him to introduce me to, but for some reason his members stupidly did not come to mind. Three of the seven members of BTS were sitting on the stage together, and their heads all turned to Hoseok and I as we approached them. Despite all my inner turmoil, I take pride in my ability to pretend that I am confident and unfazed by everything. That is how I’ve done so well in my career while dealing with anxiety, but as the three idols studied us as we approached them, I could tell that mainting my persona would be more difficult than usual. I know them of course, because who doesn’t these days, but seeing them in person simply beats videos and pictures. They really were beautiful men.

“Yazmine this is Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook. Guys this is Yazmine.” Hoseok introduced while gesturing to each of them.

“Hi guys its so great to meet you.” I said with a smile. Jungkook and Taehyung who were sitting raised themselves up to give me a bow as well as Jimin who was already standing as I shook my hands at them. “Oh! there’s no need for that we can be casual.”

“Sorry, it’s a habit,” Jimin said with a smile. “After all these years it feels kind of strange not to be formal.”

“That’s how I feel except opposite. Getting used to being formal was a challenge and I sometimes still forget the strict customs.” I explained.

“Sorry if this comes across as rude but you’re not Korean? You’re Korean is really good!” Taehyung questioned.

“It’s not rude at all! I am half Korean from my mom and my dad is middle eastern,” as I was explaining, someone summoned Hoseok over to them and he gave my arm a firm squeeze in parting as he nodded to his members insinuating his departure. “I was raised in the US till age 12 and I’ve been back and forth since then.” I explained as they nodded in understanding. It was endearing how intently they were listening to me, and for some reason I felt oddly at ease with the three. My eyes wandered over to Jungkook’s as I finished my explanation, and as they met he quicky looked away.

“Your interview with Hobi Hyung was amazing by the way,” Jimin said. In the moment I don’t think I even processed that Park Jimin watches my show, I’d have to do that later. “The idea is so new and exciting. I hope that you’ll invite me once I start my solo schedule.” There was a sly smirk on his face. I wondered if it would be inappropriate to tell him I would probably jump off a bus if he asked me to, but I decided to keep that to myself in the end.

“I’ll see what I could do.” I joked back. Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone new approaching us and I turned my head to find Seokjin. I was now surrounded by four members of the group and I am surprised I’ve held my composure for this long.

“Hello,” he says timidly with a subtle bow. “Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say bye to these three. I’m Jin.”

Just when I thought these men couldn’t get any better, he introduces himself as if I wouldn’t already know who he is. I gave a bow back and smiled at his humility, “I’m Yazmine, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Hey Jungkook, this must be exciting for you.” At the mention of the youngest members name, I turned to look at him and caught his wide eyes and small headshake towards Jin that I was clearly not meant to see as his eyes shifted to me. “He loves your videos. One time he made me watch three episodes of your trying new things series.”

“Hyung!” Jungkook cried out. Obviously I was not supposed to be filled in on this information, but my heart couldn’t help but beat a little faster at this new discovery.

“Oh, did he now?” I questioned with a smirk. Jungkook’s face twinged a subtle pink that was barely noticeable in the dimly lit room, but noticeable, nonetheless.

“Oh yeah, Jungkookie is always sending us clips from your videos,” Jimin teased. Taehyung started nodding his head enthusiastically and decided he also wanted to join in on teasing the youngest.

“You should have seen his reaction when he found out Hobi Hyung was making an appearance, he was so jeal-”

            “Okay that’s enough.” Jungkook interrupted with an annoyed expression. Despite how much I was enjoying this, I also felt a little bad for him, and I’m sure he’s been at the center of their teasing all these years.

            “Well, I really appreciate the support, and it means a lot coming from you especially.” I reassured him. He gave me a shy small in return.

            “Well it was nice to meet you Yazmine, I am sure we’ll run into each other again,” Jin said with a warm smile. “Before I leave Hobi wants a picture with all of us.” He said while gesturing to the other members. They all nodded in agreement.

            As they all turned to follow Jin, Jimin turned to me and nudged my arm with his. “Don’t go too far, we’ll be back soon.”

“I’ll be here.” I reassured. I definitely wasn’t comfortable enough to talk with anyone else here, and their welcoming energy was definitely more than enough for me. Jimin and Taehyung followed Jin, while I noticed Jungkook lingering a bit. I could tell he had something on his mind that he wanted to say.

            “Isn’t it a bit early for Jin to be leaving?” I questioned. This was my best attempt at making him comfortable enough to tell me what was on his mind.

            “This isn’t really Jin Hyungs scene, he doesn’t really know many people and he gets nervous meeting them too.” Jungkook explained. I almost did not catch the end of what he was saying because I was too distracted by his eyes. They really do sparkle just like everyone says.

            “Wow, if that’s how Jin feels then I really am hopeless.” I said in shock. If a literal bts member was having trouble socializing, I was doomed.

            “Not completely hopeless, you have us now.” He said with the most endearing smile I have ever seen. There was also something about how he said “You have us now”, as if he was insinuating that I would be in their lives longer than just a casual conversation at a party. I know it’s probably my delusion speaking, but it’s a nice thought to comfort me.  “By the way I really do enjoy your videos a lot. I guess it’s kinda embarrassingly obvious now that I am a fan.” He said with a little more confidence while referring to the teasing from his Hyungs.

            “If it makes you feel better, I have 3 older brothers, so I know how it feels. Also, I am slightly embarrassed because of how many stupid things you’ve probably seen me do. It’s actually all coming back now.” I laughed. I started internally second guessing every decision I made for my videos because Jeon fucking Jungkook watches them, and I pray that he has not seen the bird calling video.

            “What, like the bird calling video?” He says with a chuckle. This is not happening right now.

            “I am actually going to ignore what you just said for mental health reasons.” He lets out a boyish laugh at that and I swear I’ve never heard something more adorable in my life. I would honestly embarrass myself 100 times over if it meant that I could make him laugh.

            We both turn our heads at the call of his name and see the members waving him over for the pictures.

            “I’m sorry I don’t want to leave you alone…” He says hesitantly.

            “No, don’t worry about it,” I said. “I’ll just be here trying not to embarrass myself.”

            “I won’t take long so we can be embarrassing together.” He said in a teasing tone. My eyes couldn’t help but widen. I’m either crazy, or he just flirted with me. I could hear his giggle as he turned to walk away while I stood there stunned. The butterflies in my stomach were going crazy as I watched him join the others. Seeing them interact with each other was so special. They looked so happy and comfortable. It was hard not to be slightly envious of their relationship. I can’t remember the last time I had a connection like that with someone, and I could tell it was rare. My eyes naturally wander over to Jungkook as he wrapped his arm around Hoseok. I could see his eyes glistening even from here with joy and contempt. His eyes meet mine and I find myself unable to look away even though I know I’ve been caught staring. His eyes crinkle at the corners as we look at each other, waiting to see who will break eye contact first. My gaze wanders across his nose and cheeks as my face heats up. I force my eyes to meet his one final time and I turn away with a light feeling looming over me.