#I know the fears very well may be different/at a different stage in this universe

[murderandcoffee]

okay so I know we're all aware that alice is starting off with some strong spiral energy (pranks, ridiculous lies, teasing, "time isn't real", etc.), but consider--the dark

the way that she deals with the horrifying nature of her work is by ignoring it. she's turning a blind eye. the major symbol of the dark is the closed eye. she refuses to engage--she keeps herself in the dark

thoughts?

[etheries1015]

A fearful Realization Pt. 2- Malleus X Reader

A continuation of This

A scenario in which you finally realize your feelings for the fae, however, the feeling doesn't leave you as elated as one may think. Perhaps it's time you came to terms with the fear of falling in love?

You slipped away from the party, excusing yourself with a quick apology to Silver as you found your way to the rooftop of Noble Bell Academy. Leaning over the edge your arms propped up on your elbows, heavy head being held by the palms of your hands. Using one arm you removed the mask to prevent the tears from ruining the fabric, wiping away with precision and avoiding any smearing of makeup you may have applied.

Staring over the beautiful stretch of the city, your eyes gazed upon the hundreds of people beneath the sun-kissed horizon as the sun slowly made its way to rest for the day. A gentle breeze blew through your hair and chilled the tears dry against your frosted cheeks. You had heard Silver run after you, clearly ignoring your desire to be left by your lonesome. So once the door to the roof opened you hadn't bothered to look back at the silver-haired boy, instead letting out a shaky and feeble chuckle through trembling lips. You didn't want anyone to see you in such a state, but as much as you wished to avoid it, there are things we as humans cannot control. Matters of the heart, for example.

"I...thought I told myself to give up on love a long time ago," You began to say, "I..." You looked down at the people walking around the city, some who were holding hands others laughing and coming together in joyous endeavors. You felt a tinge of jealousy as your heart stung with pins sticking deep within.

"I don't know why I bother, Silver," you choked out forcing a sob down your throat, "Because without fail- every single time- you somehow manage to convince yourself "His must be the personal in which I finally learn to love!" Your hands fell heavy to your side, turning away from the bustling of the city to stare in anguish at the mask in your grip. "This MUST be the right one."

"But it never is."

You sigh, finally deciding to place the mask on your face once more before looking up at the cloudless sky dusted in pink and orange.

"That's why I'm terrified. Our worlds are so different, there's no way he could possibly love me back. And even if he does, there's just...so much that can go wrong. I might still go home, and I don't want to do that to him-"

"Who, if I may ask, are you referring to?"

Your eyes widened with your heart dropping into the pit of your stomach, whipping your head around to find the source of the deep honey voice was not Silver; yet the very man you were desperately trying to avoid.

Malleus.

Your words were caught in your throat, the tears that had just stopped flowing threatened to return. In a panic you turned back around and shut your eyes tightly, hoping it was all some sort of bad dream and the Fae would magically disappear. It was inevitable though, this encounter. You would have to come to terms with your feelings to him one way or another, and this was the universes way of saying it was time.

"It's too soon," You whisper, "I can't-"

"You can," A reassuring hand placed itself upon your shoulder, urging you to look his way. When you turned to face the ethereal Fae, you had difficulty catching yourself to catch his gaze with your own. Malleus brought a gloved hand underneath your chin, using his agile fingers to tilt your gaze forcefully yet ever so gently to look into his entrancing emerald orbs.

"Am I right to assume you may be referring to...me?" You could sense a sort of hesitance in his voice, the confident man you saw singing up on stage was now standing vulnerable in front of you- and you were certain your resolve was no longer existent seeing him there under the glare of sunset. You gave a feeble nod in response to his inquiry, body trembling in terror for something you knew all to well about; rejection.

However it seemed to be the exact opposite of those deep-rooted expectations...instead, you found Malleus wrapping his arms around you, mostly to avoid showing you the un-princely blush that rested upon his pale cheeks and flustered appearance at the confirmation of your feelings. A moment of silence seemed to stretch into an infinity of uncertainty, yet was short-lived by Malleus making a rather...bold statement.

"Then I shall consider this day forward you to be my mate since I too reciprocate your feelings of affection." You shook your head in absolute bewilderment, pulling away from his chest to look him in the eyes, your mouth agape. Ah...there it was. The normal Malleus you knew- the one who was just slightly awkward and easily flustered- the one you knew not for his stoic nature and princely aura, yet his sensitive soul and animal-like silliness.

"Did you think that through?" You asked with an astonished chuckle at the rapid response the fae had given you, "I mean- first of all, I'm not from this world. Second of all, I'm a human-"

"None of that," He interrupted with a sly smile, "This is a time to rejoice, is it not? I believe we should celebrate by sharing a dance together," He smiled down at you, moving himself to grasp your hands into his.

You hesitate before deciding to drop your counterarguments, for now, the insecurities and questions can wait, you decide. Besides, everything was moving so quickly, you weren't even sure how to feel anymore. The emotions that seemed to take over your consciousness mere minutes ago were easily replaced with confusion and bewilderment, a far cry from what you had thought you would be going through when your confession came out. Malleus somehow had that effect about him, always swaying your emotions far left or far right- always knowing how to distract your mind from its own darkness, instead replacing it with something you weren't sure how to describe other than reckless abandon.

"Right now?" You responded with a breathy chuckle and raised eyebrows, "But there's no music up here...."

"I do not need music to enjoy a dance with you," He smiled, placing your hands where they needed to be for a classic ballroom-style dance, "so let's set aside your worries and simply enjoy the song of the wind and people laughing below, hmm?" With pursed lips and a deep breath, you allowed Malleus to lead the dance as you took your first step toward your new resolve.

-----

Masterlist

[a-d-nox]

pac: advice from the universe regarding the next month

i'm trying something new, a pick a card. take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

masterlist of pap/pac posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile one

you may be feeling like you are lacking or at a loss (you could fear loss as well). there may be something going on monetarily - perhaps you have work stress and fear job loss or something you have invested in is not panning out. try not to focus on what you lack or may lose, instead appreciate what you have in the moment - abundance comes from within. plus you may be overlooking those around you who want to help - do not internalize fears, allow others to help you if they are offering.

"thunder only happens when it's raining" is what i am hearing ("dreams" by fleetwood mac). after storms there is sunshine and sometimes a rainbow - hard times are temporary. adapt your perspective to have a more optimistic outlook - have hope and faith that things will get better. things that have happened in the past are not bound to repeat themselves - if you are healing and being optimistic you are bound to manifest better outcomes.

take swift actions to remain in control. you may get a lot of ideas and thoughts regarding your situation - confront and converse with others to tackle any issue(s) head on. trust all gut instincts to guide you through each step. don't worry about details, simply make a move. be bold and initiate action. you are likely to experience improved communication and clarity in your connections with others when doing so.

pile two

you should be aware of the person with a strong nuturing and dependable attitude - perhaps this person is you. evaluate the quality of the support you give and receive in your life. perhaps your are giving more than you are receiving, or receiving more than you are giving. make sure that you are being generous and appreciative in order to receive from the universe. nurture yourself as well as you nurture others as well. you attract what you put out into the universe oftentimes - so ensure that you are caring for yourself and your space. it's a great time to nurture yourself and the world around you.

you may not know it, but you are stronger than you think. you have everything you could possibly need at your fingertips - with intention and passion you can do anything. you're in your prime ("liquid smooth" by mitski) to manifest anything this month. take action - remember to create balance. never go to extremes.

celebrate yourself; you likely look around and and see people who are more fulfilled or successful than you. BUT reminder: we are all at different stages and on different tracks. you deserve to celebrate yourself and your wins. enjoy small moments with friend and/or family. be grateful for what you do have. feel secure in your overall wellbeing - you are on your way to more success (love, career, and/or personally).

pile three

know that you are your highest self - you know who you are at heart and can/should express yourself accordingly. you are a very emotionally aware of those around you as well as your own feelings - you could be initiating a new romance. be open to new and unexpected messages from those around you (something is coming your way). be sure that you remain playful and creative at this time - follow your intuition and create as you feel inspired. take in the small moments - there you may find inspiration for new things.

try to envision yourself above the situation you are in now. imagine being in control of your situation ("imagine" by john lennon - i feel like you are going through it compared to the other piles/cards) - you are guiding your situation in a hopeful way that is best for you. utilize your gift of manifestation to the fullest to guide you through change. heal and be hopeful of your wonderful future.

you should embrace your alone time - explore your inner realm and figure out who you are and what you want/need. this is a great time to do shadow work. spend alone time to heal and recharge - you will know when it is time to go out and be social again. you are seeking your inner truth and that takes time and space - it is okay to want alone time. mediate, go for a walk, connect with the world around you.

[fourraccoonsinacoat]

FourRaccoonsInACoat Masterlist

Thanks for stopping by my masterlist, I am thrilled there are people who are interested in my writing! You may be asking, did I really create a logo for a nonexistent book series that only exists in the BG3 universe and features Malta the crime-fighting cat, all for the sake of a gag?

Yes. Yes I did. I will speak no more on the matter.

My fanfiction is centered around Baldur's Gate 3 and explores the romance between Astarion and the Dark Urge. The Durge MC in my works is based on my first BG3 Durge, a female half-drow warlock named Eli. I currently have one ongoing chapter fic, as well as a few one shots that all take place in the same universe.

I write fanfiction for myself as a way to decompress from life and because I enjoy sharing my stories with others. It legitimately makes my day when someone is entertained by my writing, so thank you for every comment, like, message and kudo. Much love and appreciation to you all!

Also, if you're here for BG3 Incorrect Quotes, follow that link for the masterlist.

____________________

AO3 Account - All of my works are crossposted to AO3.

Ongoing Work

Head Full of Ghosts:

Current Rating: M

Chapters: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

Eli has spent a lot of time combing through her fractured psyche, trying to piece together any semblance of facts about who she was before she awoke on a mind flayer nautiloid. In all that self-reflection, she has concluded there are two things she is very good at. Killing people and drinking.

Neither of which is proving very useful as she tries to navigate interpersonal pitfalls after being appointed leader of a ragtag group of maladjusted misfits who are trying to source a cure for the illithid tadpoles in their heads. As if that isn't problematic enough, she's also having to contend with the growing affections between herself and the group's resident vampire spawn, Astarion.

Between fanatic cultists, goblin raids, murderous urges and cryptic memory loss, Eli figures a relationship is the last thing she ought to get herself wrapped up in. And from what she's seen of Astarion, the cavalier rogue seems to have his own breeds of specters haunting his steps.

Neither one of them has any business mucking about with romance. But, neither one of them is particularly good at staying away from things that entice.

____________________

One Shots

In chronological order:

Fall for Me ---> Faint of Heart ---> Midnight Prayer

Fall for Me

Rating: E NSFW18+

Astarion wakes from a nightmare and goes to Eli, seeking reassurance as he struggles with the denial of his feelings. The last thing he wants to do is give someone else control over him, not after he’s so recently regained a taste of freedom. Over the past 200 years, every relationship Astarion was involved in had been nothing more than a means to an end, with Astarion either playing the role of manipulator or the one being manipulated. Attachments were leverage, giving someone a hook they were able to dig their claws into in order to gain ground. Isolating himself from connecting with others was how he had survived.

This, however…this was different. 

Rating: M

Faint of Heart

Somewhere along the way, more and more truth has begun to slip into the words Astarion has been using to charm Eli into his bed. He's not sure when it started, but sometime between their passionate nights and hard fought days, genuine feelings began to stir.

It all comes to a head after the crew stages a prison break out of Moonrise Towers. Now, during a rare evening of respite, Astarion is determined to make a confession, regardless of his fears over the fallout.

Rating: M

Midnight Prayer

Neither Eli nor Astarion knows what they're doing when it comes to romance. Their combined histories with healthy relationships adds up to an unsurprising total of zero. Astarion once admitted to Eli that he couldn’t remember ever bedding the same person twice. And Eli…well, she can't remember anything, frankly. Her memories of past lovers are nonexistent…at least…

At least until today. Today, when they’d finally met the infamous Enver Gortash.

[gio-scrabbles]

🧪Goji the Lizard 🦎

Here’s two colored drawings I made of Goji as with his plushie he likes to call Zilla as well as him with Shadow, who is HOLDING HIM INCORRECTLY AGAIN!!!! At least Goji seems to be having a good time.

Of course I had to draw them right after receiving a new Apple Pencil for Christmas! I was excited making decent looking line art and sketches again!

Btw, I updated Goji’s backstory to be different from what it used to be. He still rides on EggPOD, but his origins are very different. There’s also Dr Kreo lore!

Kreo Logs

Entry #7

Goji: This specimen from an alternate universe, claiming to be called Goji, appears to be a modified organic lifeform within a toddler to young child age range. He named himself, with the help of Shadow the Hedgehog, after the fictitious character, Godzilla, due to him being one of his “favorites,” and even containing a cherished plush toy with the monster’s likeness.

Goji’s attire includes a medical gown, hospital slippers, and a large helm attached to his cranium (more on its purpose later), implying that he might of just left a medical or, Gaia forbid, a laboratory setting.

When first discovered wandering around an abandoned skyscraper, which has become our temporary work area/hideout during our final stage of Operation Evolution, he was questioning where is family was. Specifically shouting for his “Brother” to return. As soon as I entered his field of vision and offered to aid him, however, he hid behind his plush toy in fear. Perceiving me as a stranger, despite me knowing who he really was.

As for my theory of what the purpose of the helm is, I believe it serves a similar function as the inhibitor rings Shadow used to wear. He contains an energy within him that converts into a powerful explosion when untamed. When wearing the helm, the energy converts into increments of lasers that shoot out of his forehead (I’ve learned all of this the difficult way).

Perhaps he was a successful version of the Ultimate Lifeform in his timeline. Perhaps he may be the true final piece of the puzzle to save humanity!

NO! I mustn’t take advantage of another being like this and make the same mistake again!

[horrendous-bisexual-showdown]

Poll 10

Mallory (He/Him) by @sparkledoodles

Why Should Your OC Win?

Mallory. A dream demon with powers very reminiscent of Bill Cipher. His name supposedly meaning “unlucky” or “unfortunate”, he’s one guy who gets the taste of his own medicine.

I won’t bore with excessive details (you may have read his original info post from Round 1!), but he goes through a few stages. Class bully, angsty teen and then adult, worshipped/leader adult, and then house crasher. He develops an affinity for ham because of a simple question asking what he likes in his omelet. In one universe he develops a fear of blonde women with their hair in ponytails due to this nightmare (he takes dreams VERY seriously).

Most recently I’ve been messing around with his house crasher era. You may see a certain man named Castor Dent later, who is the owner of this house and ends up Mallory’s lover in this stage. I can’t speak about him in full since he’s not my OC, but Castor is great.

One universe he’s adopted a kid (and is a disorganized mess), in another he’s in his high school years figuring out his sexuality… then getting thrown into an arranged fight with a man so pretty he finds out his bisexuality right then and there.

Never let him behind the wheel, either. You will not make it to your destination by any means.

Anyways, that’s my ham-loving bisexual disaster for you.

Note!!!: If you’re wondering why sometimes he’s got his horns + tail, sometimes he has his burnt arm, sometimes he’s in a robe, and all that.. Well he’s got a few different stages/universes. His horns also come out, rising from his skull and his tail extends from his back. They pop out when he’s either feeling cocky/proud or he’s feeling strong emotions. His burnt arm forms from a deal he takes at a later stage in his life.

What is Your OC Like?

A dream demon, think Bill Cipher. A ham lover and an attention-loving blorbo. He can mess around with dreams, visiting them and altering them if he's up for it. He started off his life in Hell but eventually escapes to Earth through a bit of a shady deal (that results in his arm getting burnt up. Fun times!). From there, he gathers a bit of a following, with people of every gender seeking to know about this "dream demon" who sports these tall horns and a demon tail. Eventually, he ends up banished from the place he was living at, due to growing concern about his following growing so rapidly, so he wanders until he finds residence at another man's house. He becomes a house crasher, simply feasting off any food within the fridge and sporting a specific fondness for cubed ham. Just pops it into his mouth by the handfuls. Mallory is the most horrific cook, usually ending up with him covered in food and something burnt. He also takes dreams very seriously, so if he has a dream where a blonde woman with a ponytail might hurt him, he fears all blonde women with a ponytail for a while. He's rather dramatic and emotional, used to all the love and attention from his following and seeking it once again with the man housing him.

((If you seek a condensed version, then: A dream demon who can mess around with dreams, has an odd obsession with ham and loves praise. He ends up becoming a house crasher and mooches off any food he can find while needing desperate help in the kitchen if he wants to cook anything at all.))

Faizan Ayaz (They/He/It) by @blackwickcounty

Why Should Your OC Win?

They have been through so much. They attempted to kill someone and got kicked out of their old job and everyone who knows loathes them. He has no longterm romantic relationship (the person he attempted to kill was his ex). Literally a failguy in every aspect but he DOES have a weird qppship/fwb going on

What is Your OC Like?

Faizan Ayaz is a 38 year old bi nb person who is an eadali (closed race, basically kind of like a stone person) . They are Pakistani/Turkish coded (if they were human theyd be those ethnicities) . They are transmasc and have chronic pain, autism, ADHD and depression. He loves pretty daggers, drinks at the local bar and his friend Ernest.

Ulyana (She/They) by @orfisheus

Why Should Your OC Win?

She may be good at fighting, but she certainly is not good at living.

Ulyana is the personification of a fish out of water. Released on prison furlough in a foreign country, their basic knowledge of life is: 0. She can barely figure out how to turn on a washing machine, cook anything aside from a quiche, or sit in a chair properly. They have a Moomin shrine in their closet. She is scared of anime. Everything normal that she attempts to do turns out to be an absolute failure. Having never learned basic life skills aside from how to knock someone out cold, they're doing... the best they can, really. At least she has her wife, who she married in Vegas after getting very tipsy.

Also, my friends say she's really pretty, so we love to see pretty women!! She literally has one of the roughest backstories that I've written, so she deserves a win for once.

What is Your OC Like?

Ulyana, after years of being used as a political pawn throughout her childhood, is finally free to live her life! Needless to say, they aren't very good at it. It's tough to learn the basics of life at 24, but hey! No one said they couldn't try. Stern, tactical, yet sweet, and often very anxious, she's found her home living in an old house with three other roommates, not including the one who broke into the attic. They spend most of their days in college classes, or working overtime on weekends in the most boring grocery store ever.

Don't be fooled by her anxiousness and awkwardness, though. Years of military training has made her very capable of kicking anyone's butt. Stay on her good side, and you won't find out what it feels like to be swept off your feet and have three inch heels on your face. You're safe when you find a metal detector. She's probably got at least 50 knives on her at all times (they stole all of them. Just because they are on furlough DOES NOT mean they still aren't committing crimes!! She does crimes for fun!!)

[prototypelq]

Very curious about this one from the game ask game:

22. A game ending that’s really stuck with you

A mutual after my own heart, are you?)

I'll do a small confession here - I love gaming, I love playing all kinds of things, but I don't do it nearly as much as I know of them. So I might start to sound a bit like a broken record by mentioning some familiar titles

If I had to choose one, I would, predictably, say Outer Wilds. This won't be a surprise for anyone who played the game, and if you, for some reason haven't yet - good, don't look anything up, and please try it out for yourself. If you, for some reason, can't or don't want to play it yourself, I recommend looking up an essay, either one of the dozens on this game (there will honestly never be enough). Personal favourite would be The Song at The End of All Times. I don't want to go into anything further than this in fear of spoiling someone, but I think from the title of the essay you can guess where this is going.

Let's just say space westerns are my jam) Finishing this game was incredible, and I was in a kind of limbo for some time afterwards. I don't think I would be the same person I am today without it, not really. I also watch every single essay on this game that I come across, because you only really get to experience this game once, and then desperately wish to do so again somehow. Watching essays is the closest you can come close to that feeling ever again. The game is a perfect space exploration game - it will make you experience the dread and joy of cosmos like no other, it can be depressing and feel oppressive at times, but the story of the game, while bittersweet, is fundamentally built upon hope. So, while the ending shakes you to the core, it does so with the goal of sharing something intimately beautiful with you.

Another game I can think of that has story which affected me a lot, but which I haven't played myself (not sure I could ever play it really) would be SOMA. This game introduced me fulltime to existential horror, and apparently I am a sucker for it.

The game has a lot of philosophy tied to it, and it had me thinking about it all for literal weeks. The 'horror' name-part might be misleading, as this game and its' story is not about scaring you with monsters or jumpscares (although those exist in the game and that's why I'm never playing it, I would NOT be able to handle that), it's, uh... about literal horror of existence? Anyway, you'll get what it's about if you look up anything about the game, I saw a cutscene ('gamemovie') cut of it and oh boy, the voice acting sells everything perfectly. The writing is insanely good, there's a reason people still keep talking about the game.

Cyberpunk 2077 also kind of steps a little into that territory. While I couldn't play that game because CDPR are bastards, I had a lot of fun looking into the endings of that game as well as the lore of the cyberpunk universe.

Not-really spoilers paragraph ahead

basically by the time the protagonist, V, figures out what to do with the chip with AI-personality of Johnny Silverhand in their head, that has been taking over their body for the entirety of the game, it is too late to really do anything about it, and V is doomed to be overwritten out of his own body. There is an interpretation of different endings for the game as different stages of grief (selling yourself as a guinea pig to try to get experimental treatment - denial, single-handedly storming the corporation that owns the chip - anger, etc.) and I loved that insight, especially because for the player, these are not really as transparent as may seem. The game does a good job of installing into you the idea of dying and the fear of death, and the endings are basically the forked roads which player can take in their limited time to try to deal with it. It's very personal, and I think the writing team at CDPR did an amazing job for this game. The most striking of them all, and one that surprised me the most, was the suicide ending. When V and Johnny finally end up at that 'final fork' where they have to choose a path to their grand finale, they have to consider their options. All of these endings have a price, and none of them guarantee a solution - it's either selling yourself out to a corporation for experimentation, storming a corporation single-handedly or with help, and chances to die in getting to any of these is very high. You can rope in some friends for help you get to the solution, but again, there likely is no way out of this for you, and this puts your friend on a firing line right up with you. So, V can die a slow and torturous death because of the chip, die trying to do the impossible and/or force his friends into it, or. Or the game allows you to end it all, right now, without additional pain for you or any casualties. Hence, the suicide ending. All game credits, regardless of the chosen ending, have companions and friends calling V and leaving him a message. In messages for the Suicide ending it's...all of them crying in anger and hurt and feeling betrayed. One of them calls only to realize 'Shit, I can't do this', starts howling and ends the call. Those voice messages are genuinely heartbreaking to listen to.

That. That is one powerful ending to experience.

...would it be cheating to add DMC5 here? I don't think it will be news to anyone xD This didn't leave me a wreck like the others, but I love how surprisingly wholesome and sweet the story ends in this game about blood, gore and demon hunting. I love the fandom, I arguably love the fandom more than I do the game, but the game is also great, and it deserves a lot of praise for that, sparda loser twins my beloved)

Pyre ending resonated with me a lot as well. Won't go into any detail here, basically the game is a perfect blend of a roleplaying and a visual novel. This means you have a lot of free space to bond with your companions, this game is very much about the path, and not the destination. However, the destination sells the impact of your time spent with each companion.

Unlike most standard rpgs, there is no really 'good' or 'bad' ending for the characters. The path you took will dictate the circumstances of their life in the future, and they will have to just deal with it. There is no weight placed on the player character of 'making their lives better', quite honestly because you really can't. So every ending for them is just, a character being in one place, or the other, and them continuing their life from there. I love this, and the credits song Bound Together, which is Gorgeous as all Darren Korb&Ashley Barrett tracks are, reflects the path you took and time you spent with your companions by changing the lyrics of the song to fit your version of events. One of the videos about the game is called 'How Pyre Sings Your Story' and the game really does exactly that - sings your own personal story. It's beautiful.

Transistor stuck with me too, not just because of the soundtrack, but because it is a very wholesome romance story. Tragic as hell at the beginning (We All Become - as the opening song of the game), but I guess Supergiant's love their bittersweet endings, and credits songs that emotionally devastate me (We All Become morphs into -> Paper Boats).

Terra Nil is another weird game I wanted to add here. I didn't change my life or anything, but it did provide me a unique perspective. The game was marketed as 'reverse city-builder', I would characterize it as a 'climate-change solar-power fantasy'.

Horizon games setting of a post-post-apocalypse (meaning= the future after immediate post-apocalypse= meaning far future after an apocalypse) speaks volumes to me on a level of hope for life in general - that life will always persist, in any way shape or form, it will always continue to surprise and amaze you, it's just the matter of if humanity will live to see it in the future. Terra Nil would be a reverse of that mentality - what it would feel like to have the power to help mother nature recover and let it thrive again. The game has you use green-science-based technology to refertilize soil, clean pollution from water, manipulate the landscape into distinct biomes and introduce different animals into the according environment, the newfound ecosystem stabilize on its own, then your job is to recycle everything you've built to leave this land clear of external devices and leave it to thrive on it's own. This makes the gameplay feel extremely wholesome and hopeful, usually the solarpunk genre is a static image of an unattainable future - a pretty motivating picture, but without any depth to it. Terra Nil shows how our technology and power could be used for good. I think the moment that kind of broke me a little, was when in a later level, I had to dredge up land from the bottom of the ocean to create a continental ecosystem, and this unearthed nuclear pollution which quickly undid a lot of my work on like, half the map. The game then gave me access to sunflower seeds, because they have the actual power to safely suck up nuclear pollution, and save the ecosystem I was trying to build. I had to genuinely pause the game and go get a tea or something in that moment, that was so beautiful I teared up.

This game can actually be quite educational - it makes you really think about the necessity of each part of an ecosystem, that every animal, every plant, every water source - all of them are important for the whole ecosystem. The gameplay teaches you to look at a dumpsite and think up about how can you make a complete and thriving ecosystem out of it. The gameplay requires you thinking up ahead some steps, and that can be a bit challenging at first, but the game is very lenient with the difficulty. Although, if you are trying to introduce all the rarer and more niche animals into the system - prepare for some tries and errors, this will prove a nice tactical challenge.

I also just learned Terra Nil was nominated by several committees for 'Social Impact' award and Yes this game absolutely deserves it. Also the developers have donated quite a sum to the Endangered Wildlife Trust, and it's extremely nice of them.

[tortoisesshells]

Perhaps 'padlock' for the writing prompt?

Kind Anonymous Friend, if you're still here, this is almost certainly not what you were looking for, but there are pirates. I'm temporarily borrowing @widowshill's Dark Sails alternate universe, because the 1960s are nice and all, but golly I miss the 18th century.

She had not thought her life worth much, when the unknown ship raised a flag which signaled there would be no quarter given; the tension aboard the little Sally Jennet thick and suffocating, Victoria Winters had thought it only right to go below, and make her peace in the shabby little box which had been her living quarters these weeks and more. Purdy, who would have been an old man ashore, told her to pray it would be over quick – but the mate! Mister Vaughn had handed her a pistol, and told her to make the best use of it she could. It had been over out of her sight: when, still clutching the pistol in numb hands, she was brought out to the deck, she noted their flag had been hauled down without a shot fired in anger. The Sally Jennet’s captain had weighed their lives heavier than their cargo, and she was grateful for it – only – There was nowhere to go, at sea – save to the devil. And that had been days ago.

She alone of the crew and passengers of the Sally Jennet had been taken aboard the Requital, and though she had been made a prisoner, she was granted the privacy of an airless cabin, with a door that was not locked. Unbolted – but guarded. Victoria could go where she pleased, within reason. A chair was hers, if she wanted it, in the sun – rations were what they were, but poverty ashore was not much different than the deprivations of the sea – the monotony of a merchant ship was, through the light-winded horse latitudes, the same monotony as that suffered by pirates given no quarry to chase and fang. But then – how many of these liberties were the whim of the Requital’s grim captain, instead of right conduct at sea? Those thoughts haunted her, becoming a kind of an iron shackle of their own, the long chain of her fears rattling behind her wherever she turned.

Was this fair? Was she only having these thoughts because she was holding one hesitating fist to the door of the Great Cabin, afraid to make a sound? She had been invited. It had not even been a command – Devlin, the Requital’s master, had issued such invitations before, and waved off her polite refusals with a proud look, and the same remark: Well, you know your own mind, little governess. It had frightened her, and then irritated her, and then, at last, she’d agreed.

Arming herself with these thoughts, she knocked. When Devlin bade her enter, she did – keeping her spine straight and her eyes ahead, the best manners she had – idle curiosity was a fine thing, but not in such circumstances as these. Devlin stood, like a gentleman. His expression was not calculated to allay her fears.

“Little governess,” he started, and Victoria protested that her name was Miss Winters.

Devlin nodded. “Miss Winters, then. I have been wondering how you came to join us.”

“You know that, sir: I have been hired by Mrs. Stoddard, of Collinsport, to instruct her nephew. As I cannot fly, I had to make the journey by sea.”

“You are very young,” he said, helping her to her seat. It startled her – she had only seen it done on the stage, or for Lady Hammond, her benefactress – more things than the law of the realm could be overturned under the black flag, it seemed.

She worried at that thought, and took a sip of the wine. “I have been two years out of school, though I have been an instructor there for that time.”

“Why you?”

“My qualifications are good,” she said, with a certainty she did not feel, “As are my references.”

“There’s dozens of young women who can say the same,” Devlin replied, impatiently, “England having, at present, more bodies than lawful occupation for them.”

“I cannot be any more specific than that. All I know that a position was found for me, through our patroness. It may well be –”

But that was an ungrateful thought, and she tried to put it away unobtrusively – and failed. Devlin, wolfish, leaned forward; Victoria, miserable, trapped, stared down into her own plate, hoping for answers in the stewed mutton. There were none. She forced herself to wear a careful, neutral smile, even as Devlin pushed forward with his query. “It may well be what, Miss Winters?”

“As you say – I am young, and poor. I have nothing to tie me to England. That would make me an ideal candidate for such a far-away place, would it not?”

But this was not so amusing as he had been hoping for. A curious look came over him – a bitter one. “It would,” he replied.

They fell into quiet, for a few notable moments; she listened to the groan of the ship and the noises of the sea, which had been so constant as to constitute silence in the absence of other sounds. England seemed so far away as to have been a dream – dry land, a fancy. Devlin was still watching her, the bitterness of his look lurking in the set of his jaw; she reminded herself that, whatever comforts she had been given, she had first met him with a sword in his hand, and a pistol in her own. She forged on. “Captain Devlin, I would like to know why you ask these things of me.”

“Idle curiosity, Miss Winters. We have been – thrown – together.”

She protested before she could stop herself – if it was not rude, it was a harder position than she had meant to take.

“No, no, speak – by all means.”

“It was only after that I said I was for Collinsport that you took interest in me. I do not think I could call your questions idle, knowing this.”

“I was responsible for the disruption of your voyage. I merely hold myself accountable for the end of it.”

“Captain Devlin –”

“Had you rather go into Nassau or Tortuga, with the rest of them?” There was that wolfish look again; something in the lightlessness of his eyes and the set of his jaw – and then, she thought, if not wolfishness, then some other predatory thing. She had heard, from old Mr. Purdy, watching fins glide by, auguring something strange and terrible beneath, that sharks’ eyes were lifeless. Dark. Devlin, weathered and sea-going, wanted only those fins – by such a standard, at least. Victoria held to her chair a little more tightly, and leaned back. “Surely you’ve heard the stories. They’ve eaten alive hardier men than you.”

She shook her head. “I know to fear those places – and I know to fear this one, too.”

“In general, or in the specific?”

“Sir?”

Devlin repeated himself, and then, leaning forward again, with a particular purpose she could not entirely fathom: “Is it a general fear of piracy, Miss Winters, or a specific fear? Of – of the Requital?”

“I am law-abiding – god-fearing,” she answered, like reciting a catechism she did not particularly believe.

“Given the nature of divine retribution, that may be wise. But what have you to fear among us? We’ve done you no harm, as you have deserved none.”

“And what will become of me when you find those you intend to harm?” Victoria shivered, unintentionally – the heat, even in this place of constant breezes, was trying. “Shot does not distinguish. It is only metal.”

“You will go below,” he shrugged. “The day will be carried, and we will carry on, and you can come back to the air and sun. Pity us, instead, for our red work.”

“You have chosen it.”

Devlin looked at her incredulously – angrily. All that lightless malice of his bitterness was distilled down to a point, a snarl. “Chosen it? Chosen for me, little governess. To be accused of piracy is to be condemned to it – until death, one way, or another.”

“As you say, Captain Devlin,” she said, placatingly, “But –”

“You have no notion of it. None at all.”

“I am only a governess, sir –”

“To Mrs. Stoddard,” he finished, for her. “She is a god-fearing woman, by all accounts – a fearful woman, at any rate. You shall have to ask her about piracy – her, and her brother. They once thought quite highly of the black flag.”

There was no answering that. Victoria pushed her stew around for some time, and then, after a period which she had been taught was polite, excused herself.

[bigsnzstanacct]

I've seen a lot of members in the snzblr-sphere openly condemning gAI and its use. I guess, I wonder how that makes you feel since you use it quite frequently here

Well, this is a sneeze fetish blog but since you asked… here’s a sermonette on AI, lmao:

I work irl in an industry and in roles that have I think fairly significant risk of being displaced by AI in the next 5-10 years, so I have some empathy and understanding particularly for visual artists who feel that all generative AI is parasitical not only on work they and their friends may have done in the past, but in particular harmful to their ability to be paid for their work presently and into the future. And in fact for the purposes of visual art I rarely/never use generative AI anymore, not so much because I found it unethical, but just because it isn’t very good at drawing what I want to see. But like idk if people want me to delete the generative AI images I’ve posted in the past, I would, sure.

I feel quite a bit differently about generative AI text, and that’s probably just cause like… listen, I can’t draw for shit so on some level I don’t really feel qualified to understand how visual artists feel about generative AI, so I think in that sense it’s maybe easier/healthier to defer to practicing artists who feel strongly and otherwise mind my business. But I am a writer, both in the context of this fetish community and irl (technically getting paid—albeit a very small amount—to write for a bit starting at the end of this month, actually!) And for me generative AI is a really effective tool for combating the anxiety of the blank page and virtually nothing else. Like it’s not… good… at writing? And because I’ve used it so much I currently don’t have any fear of it becoming good enough at writing to replace professional writers? (Also at a deep level, I do believe that novel ideas and perspectives exist and the core social utility of writing is to provide those new ideas and perspectives, which I just don’t think generative AI is capable of doing, at least not any time soon). But on some level that makes it perfect for churning out endless variations on simple sneeze fetish themes that land in our silly fetish horny hitboxes. So because it is not capable, in my opinion, of replacing professional writers even for basic corporate marketing type shit, I see it more as a tool for writers to use as we see fit? And I have zero problem using the tool to recreate slight variations on the theme of “big sneeze blows things away” to satisfy fetish cravings and frankly I think y’all should use it in the same way lmao. And also use it to help you write actual stories! It works well as essentially an outlining tool. I wouldn’t even use it to generate dialogue or language because again I think it is very bad at that, but it is good at like… providing options for how a story could flow from point a to point b. And sometimes just revising something is easier than starting from scratch, you know?

AND THEN more broadly, I don’t think that generative AI is inherently harmful, I think we (as Americans/westerners/consumers in capitalists societies, not as sneeze fetishists lmao) have a social structure that makes it potentially harmful. The issue with generative AI taking your job isn’t that it’s going to replace your true original artistic expression, your brilliant webcomic, your sprawling fantasy universe, your masterpiece painting. The issue is that it’s going to take your bullshit graphic artist job for a marketing firm, or even your job as a storyboard artist, etc. AND maybe it SHOULD take those jobs! If gAI can speed up the intermediate stages of artistic production like storyboarding, then great storyboard artists can simply work on more films, enhancing the quality of those films, by using AI to speed up their work. And for the marketing gig, if that work that frankly does more to sap creative energy and funnel it towards greasing the bullshit wheels of capital could be done by generative AI, that would be GREAT for artists, *if* the value created were shared equitably across society. If there were an “AI dividend” that took 50% of the savings created by generative AI and invested it in grants and free classes and free drawing tablets and free housing and funds for creatives to do creative work, then you wouldn’t need the bullshit marketing job that saps your energy, you could work part time in a job unrelated to art and still afford the necessities of life while you work on the stuff you actually care about.

But, of course, we have a bullshit capitalist system. But even within the confines of that system, trying to just reject a productivity enhancing technology rather than harnessing it to the benefit of workers (rather than just allow capital to use the technology as it sees fit, which we have seen unions like the WGA in particular fight very effectively against, SAG-AFTRA less so but that’s a whole other can of worms) is, imo, always a fool’s errand. What we need isn’t to ban AI or create taboos against its use; what we need to emphasize that it is a tool for creatives to accelerate our work, to create more time for us to attend to the details, to ultimately help us make better stuff (and here I am lowkey or maybe high key talking about my day job tho I am being intentionally vague) rather than simply a way for capital to cut down on labor costs. Don’t hate the new robot player, hate the game lol. And in all seriousness, *organize* so that the game gets better rules. And share some of the benefits with capital too, because that’s how it works in the mixed economy (for now). AI generally is eventually going to automate away a lot of junior and entry level work in my industry… and I actually think that can be GREAT! Because then junior level people can actually be apprentices to the creatives that are doing the jobs they one day want to do, instead of getting stuck (as I did, for nearly a decade) doing boring technical work under the guise of assisting creatives, but not actually getting any better at the creative skill you are supposedly apprenticing to one day do.

“But bigsnzstanacct, what if I really love my marketing job greasing the wheels of capital using graphics and art work?” you say. Awesome! Then you should be mastering generative AI to get the most possible benefit out of it, because After The Revolution, we will need people to get the best out of the generative AI and touch up their work and fix their errors either inside or outside of the gAI programs. That is also part of how we harness AI to actually benefit society, by getting good at using it.

So anyway, sermonette over tl;dr: message me or send me another ask if you want me to delete my old posts of generative AI images; generative AI and AI as a whole is just a tool, the tool in itself is not good or bad, the institutions shaping its use are good or bad (and the capitalist institutions that dominate workers presently are very very bad and will incline towards using AI badly and in an anti-worker way in already precarious creative fields, BUT there is power in a union, and we can work together to improve the institutions such that AI can benefit us all, perhaps creatives especially.)

[lightningandfireinmybones]

whaddub giiiirls! Live from my desk, hunched back like Quasimodo, full of mildly cold orange juice because it's been out of the fridge for a while and with the A/C on because my house feels like the basement of hell, I AM BACK WITH MY AEMOND THOTS!

um... long post... im so sorry, i dont think read more works for asks i had promised you them and now that i am in a good -relatively speaking- place with my assignments, I am back with the ch. 7 thoughts.

Aemond learned how to swallow past the emotion clogging his throat, to operate with his heart outside his body.

it's not just the breakup that made him operate this way unfortunatelly. Aemond in every universe is doomed to be the second and capable son of an unworthy father, too preoccupied with his losses to appreciate the people around him. I must once again restate the general consensus that the green kids were the exact thing that Viserys prayed for and still his hubris (however valid the reason behind his self inflicted grief may be) blinded him.

Aemond grew up knowing that he is the only one on his side, him and the very few people who do love him yet are unable to do much since they hold no real power to help protect him.

It made him colder, meaner, smarter, sharper. 

whatever doesn't kill you fucks you up mentally. Hey i know this girl, Valaena, the two of them would hit it right off!

It was an explosion he’d throw himself into repeatedly for the privilege of having her hurt him. 

him and Val are the same person, the same trauma except in different font and just expressed in an opposite manner. but the trumatized basis is there. Aemond may have had the control in their relationship and between the two of them however when it came to himself he really didnt have any control? like..

their relationship wasnt bad because of their dynamic but because of the Quality of said dynamic. Many people overeat or skip meals but not everyone has an eating disorder, if that makes sense. Their relationship was in that first stage i feel doomed from the start because the reason why thei came into it wasn't all there? I will elaborate more on this further down bellow if it isn't clear what i mean by this.

The anxiety that wracked her little form melted away, the pressure in his own head relieved by the way she gave in to him completely.

Their relationship at that point, I feel like, was not a partnership exactly? they were both too into their heads about this, too preoccupied with their trauma and with using each other as a balm, as an escape and as a way to make everything fall into the background that to an extent is was a quite selfish relationship? There was Love, undeniaably, passion, a bit of obsession, posessiveness, but that was more as an expression of each other's internal fear and anxiety towards their life rather than a well communicated and healthy thing. (i am still unsure as to whether or not i am expaining myself accurately)

Then, she’d left and taken the sunshine with her.

the way this must have hurt? this would have devastated him. not only to lose your lover, the girl you are in love with, the person you practically live with but also to be deprived of your main support person, your ride or die. We saw the exact same thing with Val. She knows all this which is why she is so terribly guilt ridden. she went through the same - if i may use the word- violent emotionally breakup. not physically violent but deffinitely violating.

like a new wound, a raw and infected one unable to heal.

In the two weeks since she escaped him, time has congealed into a meaningless mass of rage and fear and anticipation and something else. Something that tasted like satisfaction, like Valaena was finally fighting back, clawing her way back to him.

i can't imagine how complicated all those emotions must be for him. he isn't used to analysing them really, or voicing them even to himself. But the relief of at least having her back is palpable.

it must feel like the first drops of rain after a harsh devastating drought. My emotions how dare you Autumn?

Time was cruel, but not as cruel as Aemond is going to be when he gets ahold of Valaena again. // Valaena was playing with fire and he intended to burn her for it. // If either of them survived long enough to get there.

get her ass. sickos everywhere rejoice, you were meant to burn together except not in a self destructive way because ilysm and you both deserve the world so may the embers of your love grow into a warm flame of love

 Anything less than perfection was failure.

Aemond babe, i know right? i keep telling my therapist but she wont agree with me

“She’s in Dorne and safe,” Aemond clips out, returning to his files.

i love how the word he goes for is Safe because that's what it comes down to. it's not she's having fun, she's taking her time, she's enjoying herself. it's she is S A F E . because that's his greatest fear at this point. that something will go wrong, that he will lose her, that she will be hurt. not just bc of the Cannibal but previously as well bc of herself and her disregard for her own well being.

The agonizing peace he must feel knowing that she is doing well, is trying to get sober, and is just in a serene and safe place working on herself and getting some well earned rest... my loves!

[...] a cloud of incredibly expensive perfume taking him back to being eight years old, clutching one leg, Valaena on the other, Luke on her back.

i love the way you write his relationship with Rhaenyra. i hate how the show never bothered to show us the relationship of the siblings because bad blood or no, the very first years before Rhae had any kids it's more than normal to assume she liked her siblings and played around with them. I love how you show that and may your period cramps remain forever a thing of the past for including this.

the big sister vibes who isn't just a big sister close in age that you can curse at and be a bit cunty towards and give as good as you take. Instead the older sister who is a mature person, who acts a bit like a motherly figure, as a wise friendly more experienced person. And especially here it's not like he can hide from her.

Rhaenyra too fucked her uncle but also like... babes... you and Val haven't exactly ever been subtle about each other. Especially Aemond is as tactful as an elephant dancing on thin ice when it comes to his feelings for Val, and Val in general. Mr Unhinged Feral Hungry Simp

“You think she’s coming back to me?” Aemond can’t stop the words, a rare vulnerability, a chink in his impenetrable armor.

A PRECIOUS BABY

Laughing softly, Rhaenyra cups his scarred cheek. // [...] just presses a soft palm against his skin and gives him the benefit of the doubt. 

Give Aemond his regular tactile affection 2024! explicitly do NOT make it sexual. that man needs the everyday, unassuming, familiar display of love in this manner. fucking like crazy doesn't mean this man isn't touch starved and that's a hill i will doom myself and my entire bloodline upon. HE NEEDS THE SOFTNESS. imagine not having the warm and comforting touch of your mother, everytime she sees you she is retraumatized by your trauma. how would that make a small child feel? a child who cannot differenciate between the nuanced feelings of adults and his own confusion and fear and guilt over his perceived faults.

AEMOND MY BELOVED

Running yourself into the ground won’t do anything. You need to get it together, too. Fix yourself, let her fix herself, then maybe you two can work on fixing whatever is left between you two. Make sure you’re both worthy.”

nothing but facts. they need to be 100% into their own selves, they need to be in control of themselves and their emotions and not go around like emotionally damaged half life zombies. they won't be able to find peace and happiness with each other until they start feeling good about themselves. until they stop hating who they are and stop self crucifying themselves

He’s spent his whole life working to deserve her and she’d left anyway. As much as he loved Valaena, would worship the ground she walked on, he knew she had her own demons.

firstly, OUCH OH GOD FUCKED ME UP OH JEEZ GOOD LORD UGH. Aemond beloved, loving someone and having them love you back has nothing to do with "deserving" the other in this sense. there's no point past which you can say one is enough and appropriate for another, or a list to check things off of. my heart hurts for this

but also that last line.. dang but that's such an important thing for him to realize. because yes, she does have her own trauma to sort out and so does he. and that isn't a bad thing or anything. it's just him realizing that she doesn need space to do her own thing and i LOVE how this comes right after his thoughts of not deserving her. like... they both exist as individuals long before they can be only in reference to one another.

that's such a big thing for him to realise and he does it so casually after this one talk with Rhaenyra i love him so much you dont understand!

That Valaena has her reasons for doing things, even if he doesn’t understand them now.

YES KING EXACTLY!!!!! it will ALL be okay! trust! you just need to heal first (first on their own and then together as one solid unit)

Maybe he’d lost himself in it a little, too. Maybe part of him had always been missing, lost in duty and responsibility foisted upon him.

yes baby he just keeps on giving and giving yes Aemond!

Back when they’d been together, he’d laughed freer. He’d taken joy in things, in riding and live music and his education. He chafed under his father’s thumb, but he’d been more himself. 

exactly!!! i love these two lines so much bestie you don't understand!

he'd been more himself! he had his support, he had a person to confide in, to share the burden with and to have them lean on him too! he could help her, communicate with her, share her love and their days together, show affection and be familiar with someone! once they get back to it relieved from their use of their relationship as an unhealthy coping mechanism they will be so happy! and they will deserve it too! no more guilt ridden Valaena, no more fear of the future from her, no more unclear boundaries and no more anxiety ridden Aemond.

your honour i just need them to chill together and vibe ya know

For Valaena, wasn’t it worth confronting himself? Even if the thought of opening up to a therapist makes him want to skin a man alive, he can do it for her.

for her but also for himself. confronting oneself is hard work and tough work. i love him so much you dont understand

skipping a few paragraphs, the Cannibal has some balls but also an extreme lack of self preservation instincts. Bless Dalton i guess? Who also needs to learn how not to try and get himself killed. he.. i... Sir?!

You are going to talk to Aemond Targaryen like THAT about HIS NIECE and expect what? you did this for what? no no i'll wait.. go ahead.. name the reasons... dang

Your niece is a right freak in bed. Such a fucking slut [etc. etc.]

girl you done lost your mind. fare thee well

When Dalton dies, Aemond wants to do it slowly, precisely, with privacy to make him suffer.

you know what.. he earned this one. but also he kinda deserved it too. like... bless Dalton fr fr . oh to be there and see the shock in Aemond's eye. the sheer "!!!!" in his face, ya know? The man was too stunned to speak, for like a milisecond

Aemond sighs, adjusting his eye patch, eyes roving over the crowd to make sure the Cannibal hasn’t circled back now that Dalton is out of the way. “She’s okay?”

IM IN YOUR WALLS YOU WHORE!!!!!!!!! IM ALSO IN THE TRENCHES BUT TRUST I AM IN YOUR WALLS!!!

She looks at him like she sees through him and is not impressed with what she finds.

FUCK HIM UP MOMM- Help him heal Doctor. (i want to see her deontologically and ethically STEP ON HIM during therapy. make that boy see sense and heal his trauma girl)

Gods, she was beautiful. She was beautiful and she was insane and she was going to destroy him.

i can see him looking at her with a devastated, helpless, burning look, already sex drunk even though he hasn't even let himself take permission to touch her yet (that evening!! because trust that man is delulu, babe there's no modesty to be saved you are both HORNY MONSTERS). simp! aemond is top tier aemond

His niece (gods! His fucking niece, who he’d already crossed so many lines with) 

Aemond is also in your walls, screaming, crying, throwing up

Just him. It was just him and his niece in this cabin, snow picking up outside the rattling windows.

i love how he thinks of her as his niece yet. not allowing himself to use her name, resisting to the familiarity of it, insisting upon her title to keep himself in check

“You had to run away from school to a cabin with only one bed and no cell service with a blizzard on the horizon?” Aemond asks as he follows her to the bedroom if only to distract himself from the way her ass jiggles beneath the thin protection of the silk.  She’d run away to this cabin and had packed that nightgown. Valaena was a menace. 

KILL HIM!! GET THAT FATALITY!! RUUIIIN THAT MAN VAL! I AM ROOTING FOR YOU WE ARE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU

i will combust when we found out the full extent of their past

Candles are on nearly every available surface, dripping fat hot drops of wax on expensive furniture. 

waxplay when?

she shrugs, leaning back onto her elbows. It throws her chest forward, a practiced move.

serving CUNT!! before she serves the actual- oh you know what, i wont be crass. she is a baddie tho and that i Will mention (RIP Alyssa Targaryen you would have LLLOOOVED your great grandaughter. also Saera Targaryen, you would have appreciated her as well)

“Eyepatch too,” she instructs, a molten heat in her eyes that can only spell trouble. He complies, sliding into the king-size bed.

i am FERAL. hide nothing from each other!!!

“Don’t,” Aemond grits, grabbing her wrist before she can trace his scar.

She smiles beatifically at him, tightening the thigh she has draped over him. “It’s just cuddling, Kepus.”

oh she.... evil woman... she's evil... most definitely!!!!!

he's been calling her niece in his mind and she goes and does THAT! what a serve

 I will never be just your uncle again. I will never let you go. I will consume you.” The little siren sighs, shifting so she can wrap her legs around Aemond’s waist. “Big talk for a virgin.”

i- no comment..... she threw him on the ground and she keeps on kicking him, she won't let him have a moment.

“Why would I want gentle when I can have you as you are?”

girl bye... im done commenting.

[...] Shall we see if we can get you a third?”

i lied.

In that lavender haze of her eyes, he sees a future. He sees chaos and eternity and a purpose. He sees what she needs.

valaemond brainrot until the universe freezes over

“You called me a slut,” Valaena mumbles, her nose sharp on his collarbone. He takes the opportunity to press a kiss to the top of her head. He huffs a laugh, brushing hair away from her face. “And I think you liked it.” A sharp grin, showing off her canines. “Thank you.”

“The only responsibility I care about is you, Valaena. I think about you all day. Has Valaena eaten? Has she drunk enough water? Is she wearing thigh highs or stockings today? Did Valaena laugh today? Is she happy, taken care of? Will being with me make it better or worse?”

make it stop i've had enough!!! stop stop stop STOP!!!!!!

I love him so much. i am indeed chewing glass because even if he doesn't fully realise it, or calls it as such, he is so down bad for her. so in love... so... i.. i need to know when it really started. when he realized Oh Shit.. this isn;t just going to go away. the care he has for her??? and to know that despite all that love they still had to break up even if it was for the better? to know that THIS is what was in line? that THIS is what they're making their way back to? what they are both striving for? my heart

“Because I want to be with you, too. I choose you, Aemond. I’ll always choose you.”

and soon enough Aemond will truly feel that in his bones and understand it and will be able to find this solid thing, this dependable thing inside of him that will KNOW he deserves and has earned that love freely given just as Valaena will with the love freely given from Aemond.

you killed me dead bestie fr.

im so sorry it took so long for me to get back to you with this but i was getting my ass handed to me by Uni.

the newest chapter was amazing as well! we're all so glad to have you bag from your vacation, you deserved all that time away and the new scenery after these past months. i hope you're doing amazing and if you are still abit sick i hope you feel better and get well soon (iirc you were a bit under the weather, or was that during your time away?)

in any case! what an amazing work same as always. soft drunk off the recond free aemond in the newest chapter was also amazing. im assuming some time has passed between his therapy session and him arriving in Dorne?

“Don’t,” Aemond closes his eye, burrowing deeper into the pillow the way he used to do to her bare chest. “Don’t give me softness you’ll regret tomorrow.” “I won’t regret it,” Valaena whispers, propping herself up on her elbow to look down at him.  “Prove it,” Aemond orders imperiously, eye still closed.

prove it. prove you wont hate yourself or feel uncomfortable for the affection you showed me, for bringing me back into your life despite maybe not being sure you want me there. Prove you are okay with me, prove we are good, or at least we are better with each other. and she does...

even if he wont remember tomorrow she tells him about that one night where everything really hit her and it all came crushing down, unravelling from that point foreward. their time together was really uncomfortable to read. you managed to portray Val's freakout excellently because myself reading this... it made me feel lowkey triggered just like her. it felt like being suffocated, like being pushed down and unable to move and escape. and the worst part for her was that the only person who could make her feel better was the person who freaked her out.

i understand how to Aemond it may have been nothing but honestly... reading from her pov it was Just TOO Much, just the way i believe you intended it to be. i love val, she.. i just get exactly where she is coming from.

and i have to say Val is one of my favourite characters Period. she is exactly what you meant for her. a flawed, sometimes making mistakes but mostly trying yer best and failing as well as succeeding. i think she is an incredibly strong female character exactly because of this. you can only be brave when you are scared. and that's exactly what she does. she fumbles, she avoids, she is harmful to herself but she always deals with the situation, she always strives to make it work and works hard to earn that.

incredible work bestie from the bottom of my heart. <3

BESTIE

IVE BEEN SITTING ON THIS FOR FAR TOO LONG trying to stop kicking my feet and blushing and form a coherent response,,, the brain cells aren’t braincelling but I can’t keep reading this to myself every morning lmao it needs to be shared

THE TRAGEDY OF AEMOND,,, being viserys’ foil, building himself into something worthy for those that will never see it and appreciate it the right way

And Valaena,,, cursed to be always aching for something she can’t have, drowning in the legacy she fear and respects

I 10000% get what you’re saying and thank god I aimed for it!! Their relationship during the early years is the right person, wrong time, as neither of them had the emotional fortitude or strength to hold themselves up

They solely held each other up with no thought or concern for their own emotional/psychological structural integrity

And that weakness was only revealed when they ripped away their support beams from each other, leaving just the internal rot and negligence they’d put into themselves

So they have to heal themselves first!! And while aemond might not be able to admit it and say that, he recognizes that for the first step it is, when Valaena starts working on herself actively and with intention to do better

BUT HE IS ALSO A SICKO SO HE WILL NEVER ACTUALLY LET GO!! AN OBSESSED KING

But above all else, Valaena

And her safety first, mentally and physically and emotionally

I AM A SUCKER FOR SIBLING BONDS AND I REFUSE TO BELIEVE RHAENYRA GIVES UP ON THEM SO EASILY

and we come back to aemond and Valaena having to learn to exist outside of each other before they can exist together!!! Aemond rediscovering joy and Valaena rediscovering herself!!

THEY NEED TO HEAL!!!! AND THEY ARE!!! HEALING AND COMING BACK TOGETHER!!!

And vixen Valaena had to make an appearance eventually! Scandalizing poor virgin aemond!!!

I’m too dead to write a more eloquent response like this deserves but I want to say thank you!!

I cannot express the depth of how grateful I am you took the time and effort to write a thesis on valaemond!! It humbles me and brings me such joy and happiness to see you like Valaena and can think this much about my passion brainrot project!!!

[telomeke-bbs]

BAD BUDDY RERUN SEASON – EP.4 (NOTES ON THE REWATCH)

I've fallen behind Channel GMM25's rerun of BBS and I don't think it will ever be possible to catch up. Nonetheless, still continuing with my notes on the rewatch, even though GMM25's well past Ep.4 by now! 🤷‍♂️ (Links to my notes for Episodes 1 to 3 are at the bottom of this write-up if you're interested to read more.)

Episode 4 opens with the discussion between the Archi and Engine teams on how to co-ordinate while rebuilding the bus-stop. The shot is quite formally framed, with Archi on one side and Engine on the other. We are being given a smack of visual foreshadowing here – the conflict of Ep.9 (when Wai comes in between Pran and Pat) is quite literally echoed in the physical blocking:

So when the talks break down, we see Pat and Pran having several discussions in a staircase on how to get the best out of their workteams:

It's meant to suggest the staircase of their apartment building (because they're dressed so casually in tank-tops/t-shirts, shorts and flip-flops) but it actually isn't the same staircase – the railings, treads and risers don't match what we see when they race up to their apartments at Ep.3 [1I4] 9.58.

In the Behind-the-Scenes video for the rooftop filming (linked here: [Behind The Scenes] จนกว่าจะพบกันใหม่ครับเพื่อน! | แค่เพื่อนครับเพื่อน | BAD BUDDY SERIES, timestamp 1.29) Ohm and Nanon confirm that key scenes planned for the rooftop were rained out and had to be relocated indoors.

I think these were discussions at the rooftop, that then became these staircase discussions (Ep.4 [1I4] 2.58 and 4.22), since they show Pat and Pran at an intermediate stage of their relationship, between the first contact of their blind-date-gone-wrong and their Epic Rooftop Kiss – drawing closer but not yet (overtly) romantic in any way.

If these discussions had indeed been planned for the staircase of their apartment building, they would have been filmed in the same staircase at the Tinidee Hotel Bangkok Golf Club (where their student apartments are located); the fact that they weren't suggests that they may have been a last-minute switch-out from the rain-soaked roof.

So when Pat and Pran are startled by a bump in the night and proceed to investigate fearfully, it's not because our two brave boys have suddenly turned into total scaredy-cats out of character from their usual courageous selves:

In Thailand, and all across Southeast Asia, there is a strong belief in the supernatural as a very real, unseen part of everyday life. People grow up believing that malevolent spirits and beings are all around, which are to be given respectful distance, feared as uncontrollable forces, and appeased where necessary.

This is why there are shrines, offerings and talismans everywhere in Thailand – the supernatural world is as much a part of the surrounding reality as everything else that you can see and touch (and it is dealt with differently according to the different rules by which it operates).

Pat and Pran are simply doing the prudent thing here – you can't control the supernatural and you are at its mercy for the most part, which is why they're being so terribly cautious. If it was just a normal human intruder that they were worried about we know they would have been a lot bolder.

When Ink turns up characteristically flustered (BBS plays with this idea a bit) to photograph the Archi-Engine teams at the new bus-stop, Pran's expressions reacting to her appearance out-of-the-blue land quite differently on the rewatch:

What must have been going through Pran's mind is his mantra of “Things don’t end well whenever I’m close to you”, repeated at Ep.1 [4/4] 3.28 and Ep.2 [3I4] 9.01. Every time he'd allowed himself to get closer to Pat, something bad would happen (see this link here for more explanation).

Against the received wisdom of a hard lesson learnt time and again, Pran was all ready at the end of Ep.3 to stop pushing Pat away (when they talked in the corridor of their apartment building). But here at the bus-stop the universe is responding negatively just as before, and this time it is with the most epic smashdown possible.

Just as Pran and Pat are jibing and joshing at each other (Ooh your shoes are shiny! Ooh you smell nice!), in a demonstration of closeness visible only to them (a kind of mock-antagonism that masks their true relationship) – by some cosmic coincidence, the one individual whom Pran had seen Pat actively showing romantic interest in (and who beat him to Pat's affections in high school) suddenly bursts onto the scene.

So the expression on Pran's face (kudos to Nanon here) is not (just) because he's concerned that Ink is going to expose their deception (that they're not the enemy-strangers whom their uni friends think they are). What we're seeing is the realization sinking in for Pran that his old rival for Pat's love is suddenly back in their lives, and he knows (or rather believes) from experience that he has no chance against her.

Plus Pat whisks her away at first sight – to Pran it looks like Pat is grabbing the first chance to be with Ink again (even if it's really just action-man Pat stopping her from spilling the beans about their friendship in front of their friend groups).

Pran's expression at Ep.4 [1I4] 8.46 is also a parallel with his expression at Ep.4 [1I4] 8.25 during the high school flashback. That was the first time Ink appeared in their lives, and at timestamp 8.25 he showed he had already noticed way back in high school that Pat felt some kind of attraction for Ink.

Perhaps it was Ink's reappearance at the bus-stop that fully convinced him, but later we do get to see that Pran really does believe “Things don’t end well whenever I’m close to you” is some kind of sacred text to live by, when he repeats a version of it at Ep.4 [1I4] 12.09, after Pat steps on his lost earbud – "See? The two of us shouldn’t get close to each other."

So when Pran realizes that Pat had rushed out of class just to meet with Ink at the nearby café, shortly after he'd sent him a friendly little text message, this life lesson (“Things don’t end well whenever I’m close to you”) is cruelly nailed into his consciousness yet again – he is reminded of the time when he reached out to Pat (with some iced milk tea) back in high school, only to be knocked back by the sight of Pat flirting openly with Ink, in the flashback at Ep.4 [2/4] 0.35.

And then we see Pran getting hammered with reminder after reminder of Pat and Ink seemingly as a couple – when he finds out Pat's abandoned the bus-stop construction (their joint project, that he even sent a text reminder about) to be Ink's photoshoot model (Ep.4 [2/4] 5.27), when he sees them sharing a meal together (Ep.4 [3I4] 2.51), and when he sees Pat wearing the friendship bracelet Ink gave to him in high school (Ep.4 [3I4] 4.40).

The photoshoot was to thank Ink for keeping PatPran's friendship a secret, the dinner wasn't planned as a romantic date (nor did it turn out like one), and the bracelet was simply a platonic gift for Pat (and Pran would get his own too later). But I guess from Pran's POV it did look like InkPat was becoming a thing, whether or not he was overthinking it.

So now, a few observations about Pat's photoshoot with Ink (which as a scene is as important for InkPa as it is for Pat):

At Ep.4 [2/4] 4.37 we see that it was Ink's idea that Pa should enroll in the Faculty of Communication Arts – which she does.

There's a tiny continuity error between Ep.4 [2/4] 2.59 and 5.07 – Pran's white sleeves miraculously grow longer, and he's also lost his collar.

At Ep.4 [2/4] 3.49 we see that the seeds of Pat's romantic confusion are sown when Ink tenderly re-adjusts his stray locks, and he feels the stirrings of something. He misinterprets what he feels for something else (when she gently brushes some debris away from his hair), and perhaps misdirects the incipient feelings he has for Pran toward Ink instead. And of course BBS tells us that he and Ink are not to be, when this moment of tenderness is broken up by – who else? – Pa, physically coming between them with contact lenses for Pat.

The reference to Pat's contact lenses is a set-up for Pat's reference to Lasik in Ep.7 [1I4], which is a set-up for Pa's reference to her own contact lenses as part of her new look, which is in turn a set-up for her losing her contact lenses at the faculty and needing to be rescued by Ink in Ep.7 [1I4] as well.

At the photoshoot, the contact lenses (or lack thereof) are also a metaphor for Pat's shortsightedness vis-à-vis his feelings for Ink. He thinks he's seeing something, but he's not really (kind of like the way he was trying to model for the camera but unable to see exactly where it was). And it's Pa who holds the key to where his (and Ink's) true feelings lie, when she turns up with the remedy for his blurred vision, while at the same time personifying the answer to the question of who actually has dibs on Ink's heart.

This little scene also foreshadows Pat's ill-fated date with Ink at the dessert café in Ep.5 – there just as here, he leaves Pa with Ink after being presented with the gift of clear-sightedness (contact lenses at the photoshoot, while at the dessert café it's the results of Pa's love guru test).

Ink's heart is also symbolized by her camera (which lends extra significance to their Magic of Zero episode). She had her camera trained on Pat while he was modeling, but there was an awkwardness to him (Ep.4 [2/4] 3.07) and he couldn't see exactly where she was at (before Pa arrived and made things clear for him). This parallels how Ink's kind and friendly heart is open to Pat platonically, but is unavailable to him for a deeper (romantic) connection. And when Pat steps away, Ink then trains her camera on Pa, who has no problem posing for her, taking to it easily and naturally – for Pa is the real romantic focus of Ink's heart, and with whom it belongs.

One tiny detail later at the Flagpole Bar though – we see that Pat pulls up a chair for Pran (Ep.4 [3I4] 3.40), whereas he didn't do that for Ink when they first sat down:

Pran rebuffs the gesture, but what this seems to say is that Pat always unconsciously finds some way to tend to Pran.

Despite what Pat might have been thinking about Ink, when we see him performing acts of caring – the object for his bubbling emotions is Pran, not Ink. I think Pat can't help himself, and Pran is unconsciously the center of his world and the focus of his feelings. At Ep.4 [3I4] 5.51 he starts out delivering fried chicken (Ep.4 [3I4] 5.55), and then moves on to tendering kindness and ointment for Pran's injured shoulder. But actually, if you look at the preceding scene in the Flagpole Bar, Pran leaves before ordering any food and that means that Pat and/or Ink must have ordered extra fried chicken for him. I like to think this is Pat going out of his way to think of Pran, and also perhaps giving him an excuse to knock on Pran's door.

So when Pat asks Pran to show him his rugby injury, he's solicitous and insistent, but the one thing he doesn't do is touch Pran in any way until Pran himself has rolled up his sleeve.

I think this is BBS doing a tip of the hat to the idea of consent before intimacy, that has shown itself to be one of the problematic areas in BLs that have come before.

But remembering that Pran is in love with Pat – what a fine-bladed torture it must have been for him to have Pat tending to his injured shoulder like that.

Pat is ministering to Pran's outward hurts, but in blithe ignorance he's leaving Pran's inner, emotional pain (his unrequited love) still unalleviated, raw and bleeding – a hurt that he had unknowingly caused, and to which only he holds the cure.

And Pat is possibly making Pran's heartache worse here, since from Pran's POV he's undergoing a demonstration of love in action without any affirmation or possibility of love behind it (especially in the light of his belief about InkPat as a couple). To Pran it's an absolutely brutal reminder of a love that can never be.

I didn't notice it before, but Pran's t-shirt in this scene is about the only time that we see him with a smiley on his person.

Pat has several t-shirts that either depict or suggest smileys (see this write-up here), but Pran (at least in the earlier episodes) is always all buttoned-up in colorless long-sleeved shirts that are a metaphor for his repressed nature. Usually the smileys are around Pran (on his lamp, his mobile phone, his doorhanger, his posters), and I think they are a reminder to him of his sunshine boy Pat.

But Pat now seems to be spiraling further and further away from Pran, ever since Ink – an undefeatable love rival in Pran's mind – reappeared in their lives.

After the trauma of being pulled into thirdwheeling their intimate dinner, and being reminded of Ink and Pat's (supposed) couplehood several times elsewhere in this episode, Pran in this scene is going beyond just surrounding himself with reminders of Pat. He's consoling himself by positioning the symbol for his beloved Pat right at the center of his chest, where his broken heart is. 💔

Yes, the sequence with the Nivea Micellar make-up remover beginning at Ep.4 [3I4] 8.00 is more cringey cringe product placement, but BBS takes this necessary evil and makes something more of it.

It's impossible not to feel something when someone is tending to you with kindness in their physical touch – we saw Pat experience a twinge of that when Ink was adjusting his hair at Ep.4 [2/4] 3.49. So poor Pran must have been shredded to bits inside when Pat was applying ointment to his shoulder. But then we see that Pat – after proffering intimacy (with the ointment) – now offers himself up for the same from Pran, with the make-up removal.

The ointment application and make-up removal are really the two of them trading kindness and intimacy because they do care about each other, despite their outward jabbing and prodding. And Pat demonstrates he's happy to be on the receiving end of Pran's ministrations too. 

At the beginning of the scene Pran was all spiky and withdrawn, but Pat and his persistence keep chipping away at his walls, and by timestamp 8.20 we see that it's worked again and the genuine closeness (and heartfelt tenderness) between the two boys resurfaces once more.

In a sense this foreshadows almost all of Ep.6's story arc, when Pran withdraws yet again after the Epic Rooftop Kiss, and Pat is persistent in trying to draw him back out again.

So after the gentle closeness of the shoulder ointment/Micellar Water scene, the action moves on to the rough-and-tumble rugby game between Architecture and Engineering at SouthTechnology University.

Perhaps Pat is still high off the previous scene's intimacy and all charged-up from the close physical contact of the game, but we see that something has definitely changed for him, because he really lays the innuendo on thick with this line: "Are you afraid people would think I’m flirting with you?" (Ep.4 [4/4] 0.48) – before reaching out to touch Pran (having been given the message in the previous scene how closeness and physical touch between them was consensual and felt good, maybe).

Pat stomps off in a huff when Ink arrives and Pran sends him away; it looks a bit like he's hurt that Pran's chosen her over him.

And when he glances back with a smile at Ep.4 [4/4] 1.40, that look of longing is clearly for Pran. But I think Pran misinterprets this as Pat looking at Ink though (Ep.4 [4/4] 1.48).

Knowing how important competition is for Pat and Pran and how it represents emotions that are deeper between the two of them, it's hard not to see the rugby game as a stand-in for their repressed (romantic) passions.

Pat even goes "If you hug me this tight, you might as well take me as your boyfriend" (Ep.4 [4/4] 3.47). All of that sweaty huffing and rough body contact reads quite like a surrogate for something else – and both Pat and Pran are giving it all they've got:

(above) Pran gets atop Pat and they linger in the moment a bit too long

So on the rewatch, I think there are definitely signs that Pat feels the stirrings of butterflies for Pran in Ep.4, from his suggestive comments, his unexplained desire to spend the night (because he conveniently "forgot" his keys, twice), the tenderness and caring he displays, and the careful steps he takes to enter Pran's personal space after having learnt that consent was important (when Pran threw him out of his apartment the first time).

But our gold-hearted dumbass isn't used to looking inward or trying to process his emotions, possibly because he'd spent so much of his life directing his energies outward, living a life based on values and norms imposed from the outside (the definitions and dictates of his father), rather than as directed by his own internal compass.

I also think Pat may have shut down a lot of his inner emotional life after Pran was sent away in high school, hence the ineptitude that we see in Episodes 4 and 5 when it comes to him trying to make sense of the feelings that Pran's reappearance in his life has stirred up – he'd been out of practice for years!

So Pat's frown at Ep.4 [4/4] 8.31 is because he's jealous of Pran (apparently) flirting with Ink, and getting a friendship bracelet from her too.

But he's quite likely frowning because deep down his still unknowable heart is concerned at losing Pran to Ink, not the other way around. (This is echoed later in Pat's sigh of relief at Ep.4 [4/4] 14.57 – after Pran confirms he isn't into Ink romantically – it's less to do with Ink being available to him, than it is for Pran being taken.)

So the episode ends with Pat finally getting to bunk over at Pran's place, and this is when BBS really starts to roll out its big guns.

OhmNanon worked wonders here, shifting deftly from light comedy to heartwrenching emotional gutpunch and back again, and I was certainly left reeling (wasn't everyone?) from every actorly twist. Nanon exercised his dramatic subtleties to their finest, but in terms of impact Ohm's playful earnestness was not far behind.

To me this was the scene in BBS when you could actually sense a shift in the center of gravity, that the proceedings had begun to take on a certain emotional weightiness, without fully shedding their outward air of breezy nonchalance.

For the most part, this scene was played raw and real without the clever screenwriting winks and nods seen elsewhere in BBS – Director Backaof was relying on an uncomplicated recounting of the narrative with the actors delivering their lines shot through with honest emotions, and I think it paid off.

OK so there is one clear writerly flourish – Pat doesn't ask Pran why he thinks Ink should like him. He hypothetically asks whether Pran himself would like him (if Pran were in Ink's place), ignorant about what could be driving him to frame his question so oddly.

And then he lists out the reasons why Pran should like him (at Ep.4 [4/4] 15.45) simultaneously giving lie to his purported interest in Ink, while unknowingly twisting the dagger wrought of his innocent words even deeper into Pran's already wounded heart.

Other than that though, the scene plays out as a straightforward unfolding of the storyline, that could have manifested quite flat if it had been in the hands of a director or actors whose caliber was closer to average – but luckily for us we had Director Backaof and OhmNanon instead, and they pumped up all the quieter moments with emotions roaring into our headspace.

Similar to how the shoulder ointment application had made him feel, having Pat lying right next to him must have been just crushing for deeply-pining Pran. But he gave in and went ahead with it anyway, having been unable to toughen his heart and condemn his beloved, keyless Pat to a hard night out in the corridor.

And Pran hit the absolute rock-bottom of emotional devastation when Pat responded "Yes" to the question of "Do you like Ink?" at Ep.4 [4/4] 14.48 – his throat catching, blinking back tears and a side-eye at Pat were all wordlessly speaking volumes.

Pran then parries Pat's unwitting thrusts with more characteristic contrarianism when he goes "I… hate you" at Ep.4 [4/4] 17.08. And shortly thereafter we are pulled under, into the depths of Pran's sweet, longing sorrow when he turns to gaze upon Pat in the dark (at Ep.4 [4/4] 18.27), echoing Pat's words "You always look at me" from Ep.3. When you're in love…

The rest of the scene is just silent, unverbalized emoting – but it's pulled off so powerfully it takes time to realize how well it was done. Really, it's quite a marvel that it actually worked – there were no clever lines, nothing of the sort to build on. Just longing looks and a single tear, so kudos to Nanon yet again.

Fortunately for us, Director Backaof then lets us off the burner a little bit. We see Pran – made of tough stuff – pull himself together, and defiantly challenge Pat one more time by pulling the blanket off him, to end the scene on a wry note, a welcome (if rueful) bit of comedic relief winking through the tears.

So I found this final scene of Ep.4 [4/4] (especially when it showed us Pran's single tear) so memorable because it was the one that got me emotionally invested in BBS.

Pran's PP bag during their staircase race in Ep.3 [1I4] was the first detail that made me sit up and take notice of the cleverness encoded into Bad Buddy, but that was mostly an intellectual interest (see this write-up here for more elaboration). But little did I know that after Ep.4's raw depiction of feelings, the Epic Rooftop Kiss would be lurking at the end of Ep.5 to grab my intellectual interest and emotional investment, wrestle them to the ground and wring them out into straight-up adulation and obsession.

Once BBS started dealing out the emotional punches, there was no turning back. Not that I'd really want to anymore; I'm now an addict who loves his drug – but thank goodness my drug of choice (Bad Buddy) is truly a healing one. 💖

[Afterpost Edit: for notes on the rewatch of other episodes, see these links here: Ep.1,  Ep.2, Ep.3 and Ep.5. 😊]

[mihai-florescu]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

Hello and welcome to watchmojo where today we will be ranking my favorite fictional characters.

Before we start, honorable mentions to Nobimaru, Reigen Arataka, Noah Czerney, half the cast of enstars, and so on and so forth.

10. Hamlet

Most of the list is going to have anime characters but I can't imagine a top 10 list without my original literary blorbo. We studied Hamlet in my first year of highschool, my teacher asked in front of the whole class whether we know which one of us suffers of Hamlet's tragic flaw, then pointed to me and proceeded to dismiss us for the day. How is one supposed to move on from that? I only hope I have managed to change whatever fate she implied I'd meet. But, besides that, I actually did really enjoy the play and the character even before this incident.

9. Kaoru Sakurayashiki from Sk8 the Infinity

I've said it before, but how painful is it to have one of your favorite characters be from a seasonal 12 episode sports anime... he's not even the protagonist. I just like seeing characters who appear analytical and driven by logic with low emotional intelligence make very emotional decisions. Using the logical persona more like a shield, especially if their feelings have been hurt in the past. And, well, That's Cherry. The Joe-Cherry-Adam plotline will always be so dear to me. Kaoru who kept the grudge born out of a lack of proper closure for years. Kaoru who wanted to believe things could maybe go back to how they were. Kaoru who was snapped to reality so, so violently. He's just so dear to me.

8.Victor Vale from Vicious

It's not that before I read Vicious I didn't know what morally gray protagonists were, but this is the book that really made me realise just how much I actually enjoy reading about such characters. I like how Victor (and Eli, but I've always been a Victor girl) walk the line between hero and villain, how Victor, seen as the villain, may kill but only with a reason, whereas Eli, the hero, is killing out of the conviction that EOs shouldn't exist when he himself is one. We are foils of each other, we are separated by different ideological beliefs, youre the only one who can kill me, im the only one who knows you, and so on and so forth.

But beyond his rivalry with Eli, Victor's found family of criminals, necromancer and resurected dog is so dear to me. He even dies and comes back wrong countless times. How is he not a popular tumblr blorbo already...

7. Takahashi Yotasuke from Blue Period

Blue Period has a lot of compelling characters but Yotasuke's story in particular is the dearest to me, followed by Hashida and Maki. As for what I like about Yotasuke... The way our first introduction to him is as the tehnically skilled prodigy, but soon enough learn that he doesn't have much going on in life besides that. The way his mom's assumptions of his life ended up controlling it. The way Yotasuke never really had any choice besides art. And the irony in the fact that art was all he ever had and, in the end, it wasn't why he got admitted into university, but because of his high academic exam scores. And the way he finally starts becoming his own person in university, makes actual bonds, starts choosing things for himself. I wish we had even more chapters about him but I also understand the value in seeing perspectives on life and art from a wide variety of characters in the cast.

6. Daiba Nana from Revue Starlight

The stage girl that got me into Revue Starlight herself babyy. Her fear of the future and refusal to move on, her wanting to repeat the same pleasant but unchallenging year over and over and over again. The same stage repeated with no divergences cannot continue to be captivating, yet the familiarity of the scene is preferable to losing it completely, to it becoming just a memory. What Nana had to learn was that Starlight is the only play the 99th class will do, but there is value in seeing it shift and change throughout their years together as they also grow and mature.

I initially found it funny that she was on the villains wiki since that's why i decided to start the anime to begin with, but after i watched the show and films, I can't help but think that people who honestly believe she's a villain kind of miss the point. She takes on the role of antagonist opposing the natural flow of time, sure, but she's not a villain.

5. Aoba Tsumugi from Ensemble Stars

Sometimes I'll call both Nana and Tsumugi my Jokers, so you know he had to make the list as well. As for why I like him... I'm intrigued by his utilitarian outlook on life, his ability to make himeslf believe in things, even if they're not real, to serve his purpose, and of course, his clumsy girl charm. I like seeing him make up for the pain he has took part in causing during the war. And I like hearing about his home life, it makes me insaaane whenever mrs Aoba or his brother get brought up... Overall, while he himself might not think so, he is indispensable to the story, to the war, but more importantly to what follows the war.

4. Sunohara Momose & 3. Orikasa Yukito from Idolish7

Well, here's the thing, Momo and Yuki's stories are so entwined that you can't talk about one without the other, so I will write my thoughts about both of them here. Momo is the sports anime protagonist whose career was stopped before it could even start as a result of an injury during a game, who then turned to his sister's favorite idols Re:Vale for comfort, at her recommendation. He was there at their important concerts as a follower and defender, and he was there to witness when Ban had the light fall on him. Without Momo's daily pleas, without him joining Re:Vale, Yuki wouldn't have continued being an idol. But while Yuki starts to feel better, to love both Momo and their work, Momo is haunted by the promise he made in those desperate attempts to pick Yuki up: they will not have to be partners for longer than Yuki and Ban were. Even after they find Ban and Yuki makes Momo realise he would never want another partner at this point, they're both so stubborn and ready to sacrifice themselves for the other that they're still not fully on the same page. I like the other arcs in Idolish7 but Re:Vale are what elevate it to my favorite anime of all time. There was a period in my life when I would read the Re:member manga almost daily just because I love Yuki and Momo so much.

2. Hibiki Wataru & 1. Tenshouin Eichi from Ensemble Stars

I will lump these 2 together as well, not because I don't think they're complete characters on their own, but because they defined what the story of Ensemble Stars is. To me, at least, they're the most important pillars, the foundation even, if you will. At the end of the day, enstars is a story about humanity with its multitude of complex facets, and love (learning to love and be loved). Wataru and Eichi just portray the themes of the story in the most interesting ways. Eichi playing the protagonist in his and Keito's revolution turned war story, Wataru and the other eccentrics playing the villains. That story ends with the protagonist emerging victorious, as all stories do. But it was such a rushed, not well written story that it is not satisfying for anyone involved. So, with Natsume's dream pipe of a plan, Wataru asks Eichi to write a sequel with a happy ending. That's the base for everything past the Yumenosaki war. Wataru stays by Eichi's side to see the plan through, and in the process they happen to actually grow to appreciate deeply and even love each other. Even after the original story finishes, they continue to walk together into the new era. I will Eichi here: I wonder if that's what society calls love... I just adore seeing their story unfold, and I'm nervous for what the future holds for them...

[a-d-nox]

web of wyrd: the root chakra

the numbers we are focusing on today are based on the red bubbled numbers in the web then the sum of the two equal your emotional number - ex: as you see above and in previous charts, my energetic number is 21 and my physical number 2. so to get the emotional number i have to sum the two: 21 + 2 -> 23. recall that numbers must be summed a second time if they total 23 (i.e. 2 + 3 → 5) and above.

but what does this number mean?

the first chakra set we are examining is the root chakra (muladhara); it signifies how well we survive/persevere, our stability/foundation, our ancestry, and how grounded we are. it governs the bare basics of human existence. bodily it governs our urinary tract, genitalia, large intestine, tailbone, sacrum, hips, legs, feet, bones, teeth, etc.

so let's talk about some examples:

2 - the high priestess

a physical muladhara 2 might be the type of person who looks timeless like they can be both younger than they are and older than they are. often they will hear the phase "old soul in a young body." often these individuals are rather attractive. they are governed by the moon - they may have a lot of feminine aspects to their body - mainly they are likely to have very womanly hips. these people tend to "feel it in their bones" when something is off. they are also not the type to show their teeth often; they may look a bit like the priestess in the card - their mouth is set in a bit of a frown. they appear stoic to outsiders and some even look as though they are a statue or a piece of strange artwork. people may really enjoy taking pictures of them or using them as a muse in an art studio because of how still they can be. i feel like these people age very well - they follow the maiden, mother, crone cycle that is expected of a 2.

muladhara energized 2s internally need to look within for guidance. they have a hint of the divine in them that often leads them to be "intuitively inclined"; they are like the physical 2 person - they feel things "in their bones." their intuition communicates with them in a very bodily, whole self way. they might not be birth mothers but they are the universal mother instead (elementary school teacher vibes). they are often more grounded energetically than the average person because of their intuitive gifts - they don't let the waves knock them down.

emotional muladhara 2s often can find hormones heavily influence their attitude - especially as they age. blocked 2s might have a fear of aging or looking too old or too young for their age. many emotional 2s are body conservatives - they aren't very comfortable wearing form fitting clothing. they prefer to leave things to the imagination of others. often these people are the type to shove down their emotions so that they can make it through what they are experiencing - they recognize the emotions, yet they put those emotions aside to remain stoic and levelheaded in their situation.

21 - the world

a physical muladhara 21 tends to age very beautifully - often they go from self-cautious young person to self-confident individual. the world is ruled by saturn, so they frequently "glow up" later in life. modeling might be something these people are interested in - they are that level of beautiful; they often get a lot of recognition from those around them for being so. they differ from 2s in that they are less conservative when it comes to the body. they grow into people who are comfortable sharing their body without judgment or fear of others.

muladhara energized 21s go through obvious stages in life that are meant to help them grow into better human beings. they are often the type that can go through anything and still come out on top - they know how to survive and preserve to say the least. energetically, this is probably the most vulnerable placement for 21 to be. the lady of the world card shows her whole body except for where the root chakra is located (hips, uterine region, genitalia, etc.) so people with 21 energized muladhara placements often do require work on their root chakra.

emotional muladhara 21s aren't about existing; they want to live and thrive - they don't like the bare minimum from life. they often overcome a lot of situations where they feel they lacked closure or didn't receive what they thought they would. they learn how to award themselves closure so that they can move on from difficult situations in a healthy manner. they often avoid depressive thinking by acknowledging that there is so much yet to come. they also become very emotionally mature at a young age and can often be cheerleaders for those around them who are going through difficult times throughout their entire lifetime.

5 - the hierophant

a physical muladhara 5 a person a great doctor and/or physician - they have a solid knowledge surrounding the body and how it works. they can also be "health nuts" these are the supplement and herbal gurus, who recognize that the body is a temple and often preach to others how they could be taking care of theirs better. these people often have a very strong bone structure - very few break their bones, instead they find themselves often "breaking" other people's bones like a chiropractor or orthopod. though i would like to throw in, they tend to be very rigid and sometimes judgmental of how other treat their health.

muladhara energized 5s feel like the type of people that you can look up to for guidance in a dire situation. they often have a lot of people all at once asking them "well what do we do now?" people trust that they will have the wisest answer on how they can best move forward. they have a very traditional vibe that makes me think of people who you see as being old-fashioned or they look like they are from a different point in time like those that wear a lot of vintage pieces. their aura just makes them feel unyielding and stable; as though they will always be themselves no matter how much time passes.

emotional muladhara 5s often feel as though they are delayed in life when there is a block on this chakra - they may feel like they are constantly trying to meet milestones and keep up with others. a big lesson for them is to realize that though they feel behind, being behind is kind of the best because they can see others make mistakes and gain wisdom that way. being in the back/behind means you see everything in front of you anyway. they often learn better coping skills / survival skills because of this set up. emotionally they can seem pretty "lizard brained" in emergency situations - "survival of the fittest" for sure. sometimes though they might bottle up too many feelings and seem closed off to others emotionally. it might seem like they are disinterested or apathetic to other people's situations, though many people come to them when they are at their emotional lowest.

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© a-d-nox 2023 all rights reserved

[ufonaut]

Not to treat you like an expert on comic books but, what do you think of the Ominous Chalkboard Ramblings from flashpoint beyond #0? Idk what half of it means but… Geoffy’s little hints gotta mean smth for his other ongoings

i'd love to be treated like a comic book expert, god knows i try to read enough to warrant it! i think a lot of the chalkboard is pretty straightforward so let's take a look at it:

(our first glimpse, in flashpoint beyond 2022 #0)

(first time seen in full, in flashpoint beyond #5)

5G averted -> the 5G initiative, or generation five, was a rumoured reboot of the dc universe that had been set up all the way back in doomsday clock 2017 and then unceremoniously cancelled between dan didio jumping ship and the pandemic delaying books & thus putting the fear of low sales in publishers' hearts. what we have left of 5G is wonder woman #750 (which is narrated by alan scott while attending the 1939 world's fair), the flash #750, detective comics #1027, generations: shattered #1, generations: forged #1 and supposedly future state. the purpose of this potential reboot had been to unite all eras of the dcu and make sense of it all over again like zero hour: crisis in time had back in 1994. instead, we got the soft reboot that is infinite frontier 2020 and the current time-related arc starting from the new golden age 2022 #1 because geoff is clearly still set on the generations/legacy aspect (and thank god he is!).

must travel beyond omniverse etc -> this one's less clear but i'd guess it's related to dark crisis 2022 and the return of the infinite earths, we've got an upcoming tie-in (dark crisis: big bang) dealing with precisely this. geoff explains the omniverse and hypertime better than i ever could right here:

(flashpoint beyond #5)

the true black adam will show no mercy -> i think the answers to this one may be found within the pages of christopher priest's black adam 2022 miniseries but unfortunately i don't keep up with that one. something to do with malik white surely?

fall of justice league/rise of legacy league -> one again dark crisis related. when flashpoint beyond first came out we were very much still in the very early stages of crisis, it stands to reason that the legacy league is referring to the generation of heroes currently at the forefront of the action (jon, yara, dick & damian, etc) after the death of the justice league in justice league #75 last summer.

why is deathstroke not acting like deathstroke? -> again early dark crisis, the fact that slade hadn't been using his usual methods is a topic of discussion more than once in the first couple issues. the answer is that he's been possessed/infected by the great darkness and he's under pariah's control!

the legions of four worlds/remember earth-3/warn earth-247 -> i suspect this one's something to keep an eye on for future developments but the original legion of super-heroes was wiped out during the continuity reboots in zero hour, giving rise to a different legion until infinite crisis 2005 when a third incarnation appeared, which means up to now we technically have the legions of three worlds -- a fourth may very well be the one seen in the new golden age #1, which showed a future justice society in the 30th century but that's an educated guess at best. worth noting here is that remembering earth-3 is likely referring to remembering its destruction during crisis on infinite earths 1985 and earth-247 (named as such in infinite crisis) refers to the post-zero hour future earth of the second legion of super-heroes incarnation.

the great darkness wants nothing -> very much true, dark crisis: the deadly green 2022 #1 reveals the great darkness to be infected by pariah's madness and grief and having no motive of its own.

beware: he'll find his son do not interfere -> this one's anyone's guess since it's kept purposely vague. one of my theories is that it may refer to the stranger seen haunting helena in the new golden age being per degaton's son to keep in line with the lost children theme, otherwise i can't think of any character currently looking for his son (flashpoint thomas has already found his son after all, while a few others -- jay garrick, roy harper -- are looking for daughters). another possibility is doctor manhattan's son from doomsday clock as he's briefly seen in the new golden age.

his daughter will rejoin the justice society to save it -> helena wayne! the new golden age and the upcoming jsa ongoing both reveal that someone's been interfering with the justice society's timeline across the ages and helena's on a quest to save the jsa, the use of 'rejoin' makes it especially obvious since she hasn't been a part of the team since all-star comics 1976.

thomas wayne will die -> flashpoint thomas wayne was going to die as rip hunter makes it abundantly clear in flashpoint beyond #6 but bruce's gambit paid off and thomas came to accept a world without his son.

who's hunting the time masters? -> the leading question in, again, the new golden age. my guess is per degaton or a possible son (see above) with access to his time-travel tech.

and that's all, folks! i hope this answered some questions and helped a little :)

[sidekickjoey]

Sent this to @xpaperheartso​ and was told to absolutely share it, and with this yearbook photo circulating again & giving me ideas, I decided I might as well go for it. So, here is my (love-filled yet tragic) backstory for Eddie’s parents and how he, eventually, ended up in the best place he could ever hope for: Wayne’s home. 

(TW for brief mentions of drugs/ODing - promise it’s not detailed). Word Count: 2,526

Scott and Connie Munson had very different upbringings. 

Scott was Wayne’s brother, only a twinge bit older - two years, maximum. He started out a funky little kid not unlike Eddie, with way too much energy and the need to just get into/cause chaos. Only he didn’t have an outlet to put his energy into like D&D, so he got into trouble. He picked locks for fun and tried to steal from other trailers when get got bored. When he and Wayne get older, he continues goofing off and getting into trouble because he believes stealing is the only way he can get what he wants - not like his parents can get him what he wants, still struggling from the effects of the Great Depression. He’s not like Wayne, who quietly begins getting odd jobs as soon as he’s old enough just to help ease their burden. He doesn’t see the way they stress, the fear they have for Scott’s future. He just thinks it’s what he’s got to do, so he keeps doing it.

He nearly gets arrested in 11th grade for hot-wiring a car and crashing it into Lover’s Lake instead of going to class. He gets away with a harsh warning from the police, but it’s the final straw for Hawkins High. Scott is expelled on the spot. He refuses to let this be the end of him at the place though, craving the attention he routinely gets from classmates, and makes a habit of lingering around its premises. Instead of becoming a pariah, he becomes a fascination of most students, may of which try to catch glimpses of him from the halls. Not everyone is pleased - John Harrington is two seconds from calling the cops on Scott when he catches him staring at his girl) - but for the most part, he’s able to ride the high as a spectacle. That’s when he meets his wife, Connie.

Connie was a middle name turned first, “Martha Constance” sounding a bit too formal for young Connie. She has a good upbringing and lives a fairly normal life at first. She loves writing and drawing and is incredibly kind to everyone she meets. When she meets Scott, she does so already with a soft spot for him. See, she’s not like the others who think of him as only up to no good, or a circus act to be beheld. She sees him as a troubled soul with a need to break free and be heard. He tries to show off to her, to keep her from seeing what’s inside of him, but she stops his shit on the spot and instead challenges him. She puts him on the spot about his actions and asks if he really thinks they’ll ever get him what he needs. He says something like ‘Not without you by my side, no’ with the big Munson grin he later will pass down to Eddie. It charms Connie, and she decides then and there to make it her mission to fix this guy, even if it kills her. 

Time passes, and the two grow close. They eventually decide to elope right after her graduation, knowing she’s lined up to start college at Indiana University and her family would never approve. The plan is for her to walk the stage and then immediate hop into Scott’s van, claiming she’s going out to celebrate with friends but actually ending up at the Justice of the Peace. The only one aside from Scott who knows of the plan is Wayne, who walks in on Scott shoving all his savings (Wayne knows they aren’t all his, saw him sneak into their parents’ room earlier) into a bag and demands to know what he’s up to now. Scott begs Wayne to keep quiet and let them do this, pleading that “This girl is the real thing, Wayne.” Wayne’s never heard his brother sound so caring for another, so he chooses to believe him and shut up - on the condition he treats Connie well. The second Connie’s not happy, he’ll spill the beans. 

Scott agrees, and at first, the wedding goes off without a hitch. What they did not account for, however, was the newspaper announcing all weddings in the city. Connie soon is kicked out by her appalled parents, who already pinned her to marry a nice boy down the road with a good office job and a scholarship to the University of Chicago. With her home also goes her chance of attending IU, because there’s no chance she can afford tuition on Scott’s money. It’s too unreliable. Later that night, she ends up on his trailer doorstep with whatever she could carry and cries her eyes out in his lap. Scott even gets a little emotional. Wayne overhears the noise and comes face-to-face with exactly what he feared - an unhappy Connie. He tells Scott then that he can’t keep this hidden, says quietly that maybe their parents will be able to help if he lets them know. Scott wants to lash out, but deep down, he wonders if Wayne’s right. Maybe he can convince his family to help them, and maybe even get Connie her school money. It does not work, though. His parents kick them both out, cutting him off indefinitely for his behavior. It’s the last time Wayne sees his brother. Connie leaves thanking him for trying with a kiss. 

They get a motel a mile outside Hawkins. There, Scott, always scheming, comes up with a plan. He derives this elaborate story about how they’re going to stick it to The Man™ and make their way on their own. They’ll become the stealthiest couple north of Tennessee, stealing and dealing until they can afford one of the fancy houses in Loch Nora. He mimics the shocked voices of the stuffy residents there to make Connie laugh. She ends up kissing him and telling him she loves him, that she’d do anything to see him smile like this. She promises him she’ll try and get a job for herself as well, mentally believing they one day won’t have to steal. They’ll get back to their perfect future. They end up conceiving Eddie unknowingly that night, and then make it to Indianapolis the next. 

Scott sells some drugs and makes enough to buy a steady supply of more - good quality stuff that rakes in cash. He and Connie get drunk together and it’s the first time she’s tried drugs when he puts a blunt to her lips. It makes her feel free for the first time in her life. Scott tells her she looks beautiful with the smoke in her eyes and she gives him a massive grin back. They sell and indulge their way across the Midwest until morning sickness eventually hits Connie like a truck, changing their world forever. 

Scott is surprisingly not upset whatsoever finding out he’s going to be a dad. He still is riding high from the whole ‘sticking it to The Man’ talk, so he thinks having a boy of his own he could raise to be successful without any government help sounds badass. Connie is relieved, but she’s also terrified knowing everything she’s done so far while pregnant and that she’s probably not getting any medical help until the big day comes. She trusts Scott though. Follows him to the ends of the Earth on his promises of more, of stability, of love. By the time she’s 9 months along, Scott brings great news that he’s snagged a job as a mechanic and they’ll have enough for a small trailer. They celebrate that night and the moment they get the keys, Connie goes into labor. Baby Eddie enters the world with love and a new trailer to call home.

Unfortunately, love cannot pay the bills, and baby Eddie comes with many. Loads. So many that, by the time he’s pushing two, not even selling drugs alongside mechanic work can sustain their family. They’re soon forced to give up the trailer and go back on the road. Scott begins dealing harder drugs and committing robberies here and there when he can do so safely. Connie stays at home with Eddie and self medicates with alcohol and some of the drugs Scott brings. It’s around this time that she drives into the full hippie aesthetic of the time, ditching her high hair to let it flow free, chocolate curls cascading down her back. When she isn’t too high to think, she’s taking Eddie to gatherings of similar people. It’s where Eddie first hears music. 

They don’t settle again until Eddie needs to go to school. Connie demands they settle somewhere on a particularly sober night, demanding her son has a good life. Scott tells her it’s risky, that he’ll get caught if they don’t keep running, but Connie puts her foot down, clings to her hope of a better future desperately. So, they make it work in an even smaller town a few miles outside of Hawkins. Rent is cheaper and it’s just close enough to big cities that Scott can maintain his deals. Eddie grows up learning ‘life skills’ from him whenever he’s around, such as hot-wiring and sneaking items out of grocery stores. He listens to music with his mom, not noticing how spaced-out she is most times. He doesn’t know any better, so he thinks it’s all normal. He doesn’t question not being able to bring friends over and stays ignorant of the kind of deals or bad trips happening at his home. It all comes to light, however, when he comes home one day at age 12 and finds a slurry of cop cars outside his home.

It turns out, Scott had been right. Smaller towns were risky. He did one deal, shortchanging the person he sold to, only for them to take far too much than he prescribed and OD. Their small town knew in no time, forcing Scott on the run. The cops found him quick, but he still tried his best to keep running. He realized quickly though that it was useless, he couldn’t run forever, so he ran to the one place he wanted to see last with his freedom: home. He sprinted inside hoping to see Connie or Eddie, to tell them he’s sorry and will make this up to them soon. Only, neither of them were home. Eddie was still at school - something that brought some comfort to Scott. If he was at school, he’d be safe no matter what went down there. Connie not being around, however, was troubling. Even more troubling was the fact he saw all of their drugs and cash were gone. She’d ran away, he realized. Word probably got to her too and she bailed. He spent his last moments of freedom muttering how sorry he was to Eddie before the cops ran inside and took him away. He’s gone in a cop car with charges of murder, dealing illegal substances, avoiding arrest, and child endangerment all before Eddie arrives. 

The scene Eddie finds is parentless. His little voice barely carries over the sirens calling for them.

An officer quickly takes him away from the scene and to the station. He promises Eddie that he will get his possessions but tells him he will not be going home that night. It’s not safe. He then asks Eddie if he knows where his mom is, to which he shakes his head and mentions she kissed him goodbye before he left for school and that’s all. No one ever hears from Connie until her lifeless body turns up at a festival out in the desert months later, with loads of possible causes attributed to it. In that moment in the station though, they accept Eddie’s word and tell him his dad is going away for a very long time for doing something very bad. They also ask him as he cries if he has any relatives he could stay with while they figure things out. 

Eddie’s seconds from admitting he has no idea when a frazzled and panicked Wayne Munson barges into the station. He drops birth certificates, pay stubs, anything he can to prove to the officers that he’s Eddie’s flesh and blood and that he’s able to take him in. Eddie is not sure about him at first, having never heard of any uncle of his, but then again, he never heard of family, and he knew other kids had family outside of their parents. Just to be safe, he’s peculiarly shy when the officers eventually turn him over to Wayne, promising to call when he can get his things. He stays shy the whole drive home to Hawkins, to Forest Hills Trailer Park. Wayne doesn’t think twice about giving Eddie his bed. Eddie doesn’t see Wayne start silently crying when he shuts the door behind him.

Eddie wakes up that night with nightmares of everything that went down, calling for his parents - his mom. Them not being there and him waking up in an unfamiliar room compounds the situation, and soon he’s bursting into ugly sobs loud enough to wake the entire trailer park. Wayne rushes into the room in seconds, sliding into the bed and bringing Eddie in for a wordless hug without a second thought. Eddie doesn’t question it either, just hugs and lets out all of the pent up stress, confusion, and sadness of having his entire life flipped upside down in one day. 

When he’s no longer sobbing, Wayne rubs his back and asks Eddie if he wants to do something he did once when things got bad. Eddie is confused but agrees, following Wayne to the bathroom. He sits on the toilet seat as Wayne brings out a pair of scissors and an electric razor. He tells him about shaving his head when he lost someone close to him (I.e. Scott), about it being a good fresh start. Eddie is worried, only having known his long hair his entire life, but Wayne’s sincerity convinces him. He lets him shave his head and only cries a little. The tears are joined with a small smile, however, and it grows when he sees his reflection in the mirror. 

They spend the rest of the night getting to know each other and listening to music. Wayne lets Eddie use his acoustic guitar and is shocked yet not totally surprised he can play it, remembering Connie saying she liked music in those early days. They both pass out on the couch that night. 

Wayne puts Eddie in Hawkins middle the next day and takes Eddie out for ice cream right after. He knows he has to deal with loads of legal ramifications soon and that he’ll need to pick up a hefty job to try and support Eddie, but in that moment, with his nephew getting mint chocolate chip ice cream all over his face and giggling, Wayne knows it’s worth it. It’s what he’s been working up to all these years, taking care of his family. He can do it. He will do it for Eddie.

[missuscislunar]

Hoshi*ga*Hoshii Sparkles Again

In today's issue, we are lucky enough to sit down with one of the most popular Venusian musicians, Hoshi*ga*Hoshii. We get to hear more about her new release The Sun Glares at You along with her past and future. Please enjoy this illustrious interview!

Thanks so much for meeting with us Hoshi!

Thank you for having me. It is always a pleasure with Cadenza.

First things first, congrats on the new album! It's a little different from your usual sound.

That's what most critics are describing, aren't they? I'm not sure if I truly understand what is different about it. What, pray tell, makes this one different than the others?

Ah well...uh...

Don't worry--I'm quite patient and tolerant of criticism.

Oh no! It's nothing negative at all! I'm just nervous describing your own music back to you.

A fair fear, but needless. I wouldn't ask if I didn't want to know your thoughts. Music is one of the many ways we can connect with each other without touch. It is something that startles and comforts us. Your thoughts may mirror mine, and I am curious if we have that connection.

That does ease my nerves, thank you. One thing I can say is you seem to have gone for a slower tempo for most of the songs on this album. I remember your debut album was quite fast paced.

Ah, is that why people find this one so different? I can agree I am much more reflective than I was when I first started. I was eager to prove myself after several denials from agents and labels. I could feel my dream of performing on stage so close to my fingertips and always falling before I could grab it. Those days were tough. I felt very foolish for leaving my previous occupation to run after a frankly frightening goal.

What was your previous job if you don't mind me asking.

I was a professor in mathematics and astral predictability at Aphrodite's University on Venus.

Wait, that's one of the most prestigious universities in the solar system.

I was very close to reaching tenure when I left. At the time, I was kicking myself for leaving. My dear students wished for me to become a singer. Their faith in me provided faith in my own abilities. Some were able to come to my first concert. There were several times I was close to laughing on stage due to their enthusiasm.

I'm sure any student would go wild over their math professor becoming a major performer.

That is a true assessment!

That explains a lot of the mathematics referenced in your lyrics as well, right?

You are correct. I tried to steer away from it when writing, but theories always have a way of weaving themselves back into my work. In this album, I focused more on Earthling mathematics. I found their thinking quite interesting.

Speaking of Earthlings, this will be their first time experiencing an album release from you! Do you have any things to share about yourself or Venusian culture for them?

It is a shame it has taken Earth this long to connect with the rest of the solar system, but most of their kind have adapted quite well with our societies haven't they? As for Venusians, one thing that comes to mind is our skin tones. We run at pretty high temperatures like our home planet, and our skin can change color due to the heat within us. Some of my people are fully different colors like pink or blue, and some are like myself with colors on different parts of our bodies. There are even some who can only change when they feel a strong emotion or randomly during a sneeze.

As you can see, my arms and legs gradually change to dark blue. I am lucky to have flickers of glitter on my skin so it truly looks like the galaxy is on my person.

Thank you for your explanation! I suppose it makes sense to ask you--weren't you recently voted as the Vision of Venus for the fourth time?

That is true! I never expect to receive such an honor as there are others who are equally as deserving of such a title. Not to play into stereotypes, but Venusians are very particular about aesthetics so I am genuinely surprised when we are able to come together about an opinion.

With you, I believe your people will always have a positive opinion. For example, your signature outfit for this tour has been trending for days now!

I'm also quite fond of it! I usually don't perform in long gowns because I dance a lot on stage. However, I broke my ankle and couldn't move. The gown we decided to be the signature outfit was one that my stylist had been eyeing for an event. After my injury, they decided this would be the best time to use it. Fate had their eyes on this situation it would seem.

We hope you have a speedy recovery!

Thank you. I have been faring well, but I am eager to move more on stage. Seeing my background dancers makes me quite envious. I want to join them.

Your performances so far have been equally electrifying! I genuinely didn't know you were injured until now.

That is the most pleasing news to hear. I cherish my time on stage, so I put all of my effort into it.

Thank you so much for spending time with us today, Hoshi! As always you bring a calmness that is unlike any other. Any last comments for your fans?

Thank you as well for you time, Cadenza. For the readers, may your skies be filled with stars. As you see them above, they will guide you to your dreams and wishes.

--Cadenza Magazine