#I love these novels in case it wasnt clear

[zombie-bait]

I can’t believe Gideon and Harrow had like 3 weeks of something approximating fun before experiencing 2 solid years of endless suffering 😭 lemme tell you, nothing could’ve prepared me for that or the realization that post book 1 these poor fuckers just never get to spend any time together, I miss the old days of One Flesh One End Bitch!!!!! We had it so good and we didn’t even know it

[bmpmp3]

a lot of anime opening single b-sides get kinda overlooked but Everyone Should Listen to the b-side of fabiniku’s opening Refrain this song has been consuming my mind for the past 48 hours LIKE listen to it

the weirdass white noise/ darth vader breathing noise in the beginning and the quiet parts, the jazzy drums in the verses, guitar riffs that will make any dad who listens to too much classic rock air guitar his heart out, the vocals at around the 3:20 mark, the fantastical synth melody, THE FLUTE ASS SOUND are you listening to me are you listening to the FLUTE? the WOODWIND INSTRUMENT in the ‘refrain... refrain... refrain...” sections and the DISTORTION on the “refrain“s in the final seconds LISTEN TO ME listen to the woodwind instrument

[ragsweas]

My fandoms: (active/semi-active)

The Hobbit (obvi)

Lord of the Rings (duh)

9-1-1 tv show (in case ma header wasnt clear enough)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians (and everhthing Uncle Rick writes)

BTS (bangatn Sonyendan boys)

Moonlight Chicken (thai bl)

Not me (thai bl)

2gether (thai bl)

Bad Buddy (thai bl)

A tale of thousand stars (thai bl) (if you have seen this we already besties idc)

Marry my Husband (ongoing) (k-drama)

Twinkling watermelon (k-drama) (when I say I cried)

Castlevania (yet to see Nocturne dont come at me)

Perks of being a wallflower

Good omens (i havent dared watch season 2 DO NOT COME AT ME)

Doctor Who (modern who and I appreciate them all plis) (nine and thirteen are my favs tho bye)

The Umbrella Academy

Avatar: the Last Airbender (idk how to feel about the live action yet)

Fandoms I used to be a part of (dead/inactive/not like anymore

Harry Potter (fuck the terf) (though if you wanna talk queer marauders I am always here)

MCU (destroyed post Endgame)

Once Upon a Time (fond old memories)

Arrowverse (arrow was good...and so was flash...until they fucked it up)

I am sure i am forgetting sth.

What do I do?

Write. First novel out soon! (Queer desi fantasy romance) (fanfictions on hiatus cause of this not cause I have forgotten)

Listen to music (R&B and Pop though its not set in stone)

Study (history and academics are my true loves)

Talk politics and theory (but I have been told I am very hopefu???)

Share vibes

Okay then! Have fun!

[twigg96]

I forgot if you write xreader fanfiction or not, so if you don’t, ignore this 😅. But if you do, could I request headcannons for the metalocalypse band (not poly)x bookworm reader? The reader is shy but loves horror and books. Have a nice day!

Hello Anon!! I absolutely do still write xreader fanfic. I hope you enjoy this little short fic!

Toki was the first to notice the small simple comforts of their shared living space going missing. An extra large bean bag chair they used occasionally in the game room. A string of white fairy lights Pickles kept as back up in his drug room in case his neons ever stopped working. A wax warmer Skwisgaar had been using to melt cosmetic wax to make his skin smooth before he discovered bees wax strips. A soft plush oversized blanket made to look like an animal pelt that Murderface accused Nathan of stealing for weeks before giving up the fight. Three of Nathan’s favorite novels disappeared and reappeared within weeks of each other, not that the singer complained much he just wanted to know they were safe and not covered in various fluids.

However when Toki’s stuffed bunny goes missing he became more concerned about the whereabouts of their missing things. Had a mischievous imp came and claimed their items as their own?! If so maybe he could try to make a trade? Some flowers and small acknowledgments to try and appease them so they’d leave him alone? Or maybe it was witch who was using their items to put a curse on their little make-shift family? Rubbing his arms for some semblance of comfort Toki poked his head into the rooms of Mordhause.

The living room was loud, resounding with boisterous laughter of Murderface and Pickles watching a cartoon about two cartoon teenage groupies reacting to various music videos. Toki tried his best not to be too in the way as he ducked under furniture and reached behind the cushions his friends were currently sitting on searching for any of the missing items. “Uh… Toki…” Murderface growled glaring at the young rhythm guitarist as the brunette grazed his bottom in his search beneath the cushions. Toki was quick to retract his hand but the damage was already done. Murderface looked both pissed and disgusted, both men now were completely focused on Toki. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” The bassist finished his sentence, a hint of his long lost southern accent shining through. Toki shrunk under his friend’s intense gaze. How could he explain he was looking for the magic creatures that stole their shit? Instead Toki simply shrugged. “Justs… looking for… my ring?” He said more of a question for himself than for the others. The heavy blush that coated his cheeks only grew darker as Pickles bellowed with laughter and Murderface stared back in disbelief. “You don’t even own a ring dood!” Pickles sputtered out between gasping laughter. Murderface huffed and shook in rage. “That’sch scho fucking gay!” He growled crossing his arms. “Awe c’mon Will. Toki didn’t mean to grope you.” Pickles teased with a wink. “What were ya lookin’ for Toki?” Pickles asked earnestly. Nervously biting the skin on his thumb Toki shuffled his feet, avoiding eye contact with Pickles. “There’s been stuffs goin’s missing. I ams been looking for it.” Toki muttered not missing the way his friends simply stared in response. “What’s missing?” Murderface asked boredom clear on his expression as if he was over the conversation completely. Toki shrugged picking at his nail until pain shot up his finger begging him to stop. “Ah… wells I noticeds things. Like lights in Pickles Smoke Den. And dat blanket-“ Toki was suddenly cut off, his shoulders grabbed roughly by his curly haired friend. “I FUCKING KNEW I WASNT NUTS!” The bassist screamed before Pickles gentled him away from the trembling Norwegian. “It was Nathan wasn’t it! That blanket hog always goes for the best blankets during cuddle time when we watch Hulu…” Murderface sulked. Pickles sighed rubbing circles in his friends back. “How can we help?” Toki was thankful that Pickles seemed so easy going about the whole situation and smiled. “Follow me.”

Leading his friends through the halls and into various unfruitful empty rooms he led them into the kitchen. Nathan leaned up against the counter. His large big gulp size cup was filled of fully caffeinated coffee and a full bottle of Z-Quill. His 2-AM Cold Fucker as he liked to call it. Everyone begged him to switch to Decalf so he could sleep and recover. But the frontman outright refused, citing the high he felt when he was so tired it physically hurt as inspiration for his best works. Whatever worked Toki supposed. The group fanned out around the kitchen, opening cabinet doors peeking inside and closing them with loud pops that made the stoned frontman jump in surprise each and every time. “The fuck are you guys doing?” Nathan growled, his growly voice sounding a tad nasally. “We ams looking for our lost things.” Toki said proudly, opening the fridge before sticking his head in to search. Nathan blinked slowly. Scrubbing his face with his palm, Nathan hummed. “Oh… I thought… uh… I thought you were looking for those fucking elves I saw earlier.” Murderface cocked a brow glancing to the open and half eaten carton of tollhouse cookies. “You mean the fuckin’ Keebler Elvesch?!” He asked smirking as Nathan’s eyes went wide. “Yeah… I guess that’s their name… they came running past here a few minutes ago.” Pickles chuckled, simply patting Nathan on the shoulder and gentling his nearly empty Cold Fucker out of his hand. “I think you had enough of this big guy.” Nathan nodded looking way too tired. “Pickle. Do you want to help him to bed?” Toki asked, but before the redhead could even move Nathan shook his head. “I think I’ll just help you guys look for a little while. I’m not… I won’t sleep. Not yet.” Nathan muttered.

The group stumbled into the studio per Nathan’s request. Hell Toki thought that maybe the frontman had stored away their favorite items amongst the disaster of a mess he called his writing nook. Dropping their large friend into one of the oversized bean bag chairs Toki searched through the piles of garbage scattered around the floor. “Ok. Ok. I’m ready tell that fucker over there to turn the mic on.” Nathan slurred pointing to the large mirror they had hanging and not the two way glass that held the sound booth. “Uhh. Nat’an big guy. Hate to break this to ya. But Dick went home fer the night.” Pickles said with executed skill hiding the smirk clearly written on his lips. Nathan on the other hand was decidedly not happy with the news. “What?! No. Get his cyborg ass back. I need him here NOW!” The frontman bellowed making the ears ring of all his companions and the glass shake in the room. If it weren’t for the reinforcements Charles put in years ago, the glass might have just shattered. Suddenly a small click was heard over the speakers of the studio. Toki looked up in amazement watching as the Nathan, Pickles, and Murderface all did the same. “Wills you please shut de fucks up?!” Skwisgaar’s clearly hung over and sleep deprived voice rang through the sound system muffled only by what Toki could assume was his hand, a shirt or even another person’s body. “Skwisgaar?! Ams you watching us froms yous bed with groupie sluts?!” Toki cried out feeling completely violated and a little uncomfortable at the thought. Skwisgaar groaned once more, his pain resounding through the very speakers. “No Toki you fuckin’s dildo. Shut ups your dumb ams hurtin’s my head. Nat’an gots me sick wit’ his cold.” Skwisgaar said, his voice just as nasally as Nathan’s. “I didn’t sleeps wit de groupie sluts. Mys room ams too hots so I sleeps here where it ams cold. Charlie don’t pay for heat in de studio when Dick ams behind schedule so it’s cool in here.” There was a silence for a few minutes. A comfortable easy silence that washed over the little family. “So can you record me for a few minutes… ya know… before I loose my inspiration.” Nathan muttered. Skwisgaar’s laugh sounded painful and sickly. “Ams you seeing de Keebler Elves again?” He asked, his voice dripping in amusement. “Juscht hit the fucking button.” Murderface growled and with that the familiar beep of the computer recording started and Nathan started rattling off his insane ideas. Ranging anywhere from “Peppermint Chocolate Milk” to “we could totally sell merchandise at a reasonable price but make that shit super limited edition… I’m thinking like one one hundred of an item ya know. Like the thread of my sweaty underwear and people will pay… like… at least half a million for it.”

Three hours passed. It was now five in the morning and all the boys looked and felt like they’ve been run over by a truck. Toki had one last room to check. The library. The others insisted they check in the morning but Toki was insistent so they each trudged in, dragging his feet behind him. “I swears to gods little Toki if it amn’ts here I ams going to-“ Skwisgaar’s rant was cut off by the soft glow of white light coming from behind one of the shelves. “Fairies!” Toki whispered in awe. Nathan snorted half asleep his entire weight leaning on William’s shoulder. “No… Their Elves Toki… get it right…” he muttered, groaning as William shuffled him in his grip. “I don’t care what they are. He’sch heavy.” William murmured walking past the others. Peeking around the shelves the band smiled at the sight they saw. It wasn’t Fairies as Toki thought. Or Elves as Nathan was sure of. It certainly wasn’t Nathan like William had been so insistent in. No. It was their dearest friend. They laid sleeping curled in a little ball on the extra large bean bag chair covered in Murderface’s blanket. A small pile of Nathan’s favorite books were scattered around them. One was loosely gripped in their hand , the pages fluttering closed as it slid precariously off the bean bag and onto the floor. Pickles’ fairy lights were strung neatly across the shelves around them as they slept. Casting the perfect amount of light for them to read without having to turn the harsh fluorescent lights of the library on keeping them from their much needed sleep. Cuddled close to their chest was Toki’s stuffed bunny, tucked sweetly under their chin as if protecting them from the horrors that lived in the pages of the books they loved most. On the table behind them was Skwisgaar’s wax warmer sending out the sweetest aroma of honey vanilla wax melts. Toki was the first to emerge from their hiding place, gentling the book from their hand and placing the book mark in the place he was certain they were last at. Laying it gently on the table behind them he smiled, watching Skwisgaar turn the complicated wax warmer off and Pickles dim the lights ever so slightly to a more tolerable level. A soft thud caught Toki’s attention and he couldn’t help the chuckle that left his chest when he saw the compromising position William had dropped Nathan in. His face down on a hard cover book, arching his back and knees bent with his butt in the air, the frontman looked silly as he cuddled the book he was laying on close as loud snores roared though him. Their friend shifted only slightly snuggling deeper in their sleep with a soft sigh and Toki had to laugh. They always were a deep sleeper. Laying down beside the singer the rest of the band cuddled close for warmth, besides Skwisgaar who simply growled at being gross and sweaty and not wanting to be touched until either he died or he got better. Toki smiled taking his friends hand and Skwisgaar’s anyway ignoring his snotty protests as sleep drew heavy over him. This was the best he could ever hope for.

[talkorsomething]

Oh yeah did you know that tumblr has a tag limit of 30 btw. I wasnt even really done I could probably talk myself in circles about this for like literally forever because it pisses me off that much. Both the circumstances in general and also that i'm pissed about them.

I guess it's hard to do anything else when you've backed yourself into a corner. It has been a long, long time since I decided I wouldn't let myself cry, and somehow it's not even what got me INTO this mess. But it probably doesn't help either.

You know, when you stop doing the things you love, it's hard to tell whether it's burnout or actual depression. I don't think I'd know what depression is if it bit me in the face, to be honest. In any case, I'm doing things again, so obviously it can't be that, right...?

Well, currently I'm a pretty all or nothing guy. Sure - why NOT spend three and a half hours on the art side of a project in a day? Especially when you haven't been really drawing in literal years?

Why not write a song in two hours? Why not write the entire next chapter of your novel?

...

It's not really sustainable. Once I stopped having to pour my energy into avoiding another relapse, i think... I don't know what to do with myself. I haven't for a while. It starts being a problem when you realize you don't know how to start doing what you used to love again.

If all my hobbies are gone and I leave them there... what else is there to do?

I miss drawing. I miss writing. I miss coding, even, and I'm willing to bet that's what I could pull myself back into the easiest, since it's less of a creative pursuit.

You know, I let myself stop trying to talk so much when I didn't have anything to say last summer. I let a lot of things in life just happen to me. It's how you wake up one day and realize a sketchbook that used to take two years, maybe, to fill out took you a very long four.

I know. Shit happens. You grow up, you don't have time. Except...

It's hard to do anything else when you've backed yourself into a corner.

I think we can't talk anymore because I tried to take initiative in my life, for once. Because you saw a good opportunity and took it.

I can't mess up one time without having it taken away from me. There's no second chance - at this point in [my life], it's either right or it's right.

I need the space and I should not be allowed to get it, because at this point it's not like I can quit. I don't want to! I wish I could.

Well, you can't have your cake and eat it, too. I guess that goes for both of us. I got myself into this, and now, well...

I can get out. I've done it before, I'll do it again. I'll wonder how I even felt.

(Angry, mostly.)

I'm doing this for you. So that you don't have to confront the fact that the world doesn't work like you think it does, that everything has a clear-cut answer. That I am just unambitious in life, that I just don't want to. Because the words "I can't" should never be in anyone's vocabulary.

I'm doing this so I don't have to feel what you really think of me. It's selfish. It's safe.

I think we can't talk anymore because I wanted to do something, for once.

[astharoshebarvon]

never understood why some people hate yuki in given. i mean seriously, have some sympathy and decency for the boy, his death was so tragic thats its really pathetic you hate him. mafuyu and uenoyama adore each other, why do you have to think he is some third wheel when he is dead? mafuyu loved yuki, nothing will ever change that. the name of the freaking manga is in reference to him, are you for real, to actually hate yuki?

it's pathetic how these weirdos don't hate that horrid, homophobic bitch classmate of uenoyama who was disgusting as hell, don't dislike his equally gross sister. i love how he doesn't give either of them time of the day. is it same crap of not hating fem characters even if they are right trash, like how actual pedo women in fiction books and manga get pass but male characters who arent even vile are condemned.

sesshoumaru was an exception to this rule. glad that shit flopped. he didnt deserve what was done to him.

otherwise, its' just same case of absolving bad fem characters of their rubbish. i don't even get why given artbook and illustrations have these two dumb females and not yuki in group pictures. like seriously, what did he even do wrong? the answer is nothing. he did nothing bad. he was a good guy, no matter what delusions people may have.

this kind of mentality explains so well how tom riddle sr was treated, he had no obligation to stay with his rapist wife. merope can go to hell for what she did to him.

then i saw another weird post on twitter, why is omegaverse manga getting anime. my god, please cry harder about it. i am so glad that sweet BL manga is getting an anime adaptation. omegaverse was always always for MM SLASH, it's the origin for it, there is no such thing as straight omegaverse, 99 % erase the core, gay element and make it het. shut up.

i am glad so many people are excited for it, the weirdos can stay mad. the hets get tons (hell, almost all of them are het) of anime, crappy shoujo/josei anime with annoying fem leads who are so off putting it's unreal. let's not pretend those anime would be remotely liked if it werent for hot guys in it and a good looking ML. i can name a lot of them but i am afraid i'll actually end up feeling annoyed for hours.

some even have blatant homophobia, seriously, get out. i am so glad gay erotica, BL is way way more popular these days. it actually feels nice.

akatsuki no yona, skip beat, cardcaptor sakura ( not clear card ) tsubasa reservoir chronicles, sacrificial princess are gems among shoujo/josei. josei novels and mangas are usually so horrible its amazing cringe and lame stuff like that even gets printed. especially Josei TL. they are a joke. i bought one novel only for the illustrations. the story was atrocious.

no wonder weirdos liked and defended that slut from ten count. may that bitch burn in hell for what she did to shirotani.

i don't even know why we should even care for that gross ex in therapy game. she wasnt getting enough attention from shizuma so she cheated on him. please, just shut the hell up! she was a cheating scumbag and nothing will ever justify her bull. like, how do you even justify this kind of garbage, literally no sensible person would feel sorry for her. if you arent getting attention doesnt mean you jump to another fellow. get help if you are that foolish and strange. you can bet if same crap was in het story literally no one would be trying to make excuses for her, because some weirdos were. ew. she was vile and horrible.

there was even a creepy post about couples from gay anime, some fool watermarked the bottom guys with caption, why are you not girl.

lol, please go get help. ask yourself why are you such a horrible person? they'll always be two guys and in love. they are gay. cry harder and stay mad that gay ships and gay erotic/bl is popular.

[theunconcernedembalmer]

what’s the issue with elisop? is it just bc you hc aesop as ace? im so concerned by seeing ppl adamantly opposed to mlm/wlw ships but im also genuinely curious about why you dislike it and other lgbt ships so much lol

hmm. that is a strong accusation, n i find it just a bit odd. are you new here? or perhaps you are taking personal offense at my dislike towards a favourite ship of yours and using the lgbt argument as moral high ground?

whatever the case may be, i thank you for asking. if u r truly looking for an answer, its below the cut n it is very very long. mind u these are all my personal opinions n i am in no way policing how others enjoy ships. just in case this wasnt clear; i dont wish to start discourse on this blog, especially since my takes are probably... unpopular.

firstly i would like to address the “disliking lgbt ships” bit, because this has very strong implications in itself. i have nothing against lgbt ships. i enjoy them, even. if the two characters have chemistry between each other, i ship it. however, the moment characterization is broken for the sake of romance, i lose interest. this is generally my stance on ships in general, n this applies for both straight n lgbt ships. 

the ships themselves are fine. however, i do have issues with the ship dynamics, so ill let u in on that.

i want to touch on mlm ships in particular; i believe u are familiar with the top/bottom dynamic that is rampant in these kinds of ships? (i wont deny that this dynamic can be found in other types of ships, but for arguments sake i will be focusing on gay ships because i feel that this occurs more commonly here) its such a popular dynamic that is prone to stripping the personality from one if not both characters, only for them to be reduced to being dominant/submissive. for a character to be pigeonholed into a stereotypical category based on... preferred sexual positions? its just downright insulting, never mind the larger more problematic implications of it. top/bottom is not indicative of someones personality, by the way. flattening multi dimensional characters into these stereotypes is so so so insulting.

unfortunately this is The Most Popular portrayal of just about any gay ship around. ive seen it being used everywhere in so many fandoms n it just about becomes apparent to me that ppl come to stories looking for a Ship. not the stories, nor the characters, just a ship. while id like to say theres nothing wrong with that, keep in mind not everyone is just looking for 2 characters that look pretty next to each other. if i ship something, i see interesting n meaningful interactions between 2 characters, which is so often not the case once u bring in the top/bottom dynamic. why is it so popular? because somehow this is what ppl like from a gay ship n hence it sells. ppl want the drama, characterizations be damned. ppl want to see the big kiss that happens in the end, n maybe the sexy parts that come after. characterizations be damned.

so u can say im a little wary of gay ships when they cross my feed. hell, as a joseph aesop shipper i see this trope everywhere n im pretty disappointed as well. small tangent but i feel like this is the reason why zh0ngli n ch1lde is so popular in g3nshin. i try to see the appeal, i really do, but after a long while of analyzing their respective characters i dont think they have as much chemistry as ppl think they do. dont even get me started on how incredibly ooc they make either of these very interesting n unique characters in ship portrayals. all because of the top/bottom dynamic that ppl want to see. i say this for that particular ship, but this is pretty much the case for a lot of ships out there, n the latter part is painfully true even when the 2 characters do have potential between each other. ill say it again im disgusted by the blatant disrespect to the characterizations if all ppl ever want is 2 pretty puppets to mush lips together. cos thats what theyre essentially reduced to this way.

n its so obvious to see when an artist subscribes to this rhetoric, because u can so clearly see it in the way they draw their characters. the “top” generally has sharper features to go with their “dominating personality”, while the “bottom” has disturbingly softer, feminine, dare i say sometimes child like features “to submit”. n thats where the uwu soft gay trope comes from, i believe. which, in case u still dont know, i hate with a burning passion.

so again for ppl with impaired reading comprehension, im fine with ships, including lgbt ones, but the moment u break characterization for the sake of the ship, im not that okay with it. u want to do it for a short crack comic? fine. but if thats the only way ur portraying the 2 characters then im immediately wary of ur content. ill still look at it cos usually the art is really good, but im very very wary. so im not “adamantly opposed”, just very critical of how the ships are being portrayed. if other ppl want to enjoy their ships like that, sure. just dont expect me to join in on something i dont agree on.

.

now id like to address not shipping “because i hc aesop as ace”. for ppl who are new to the blog (hello there), im an ace in a romantic relationship, so thats definitely not the reason i dont ship elisop. its more of being in a relationship has largely shaped my views towards romance as a whole. even before i met my boyfriend, i hated the romance genre in stories n media. most of it comes off as incredibly forced, especially those love triangles they seem to love putting into teen novels. thats one reason why i stopped reading when i was younger, but i digress.

did i partake in shipping when i was younger? i did. for a gay ship too (if anyone really wants to know, its kurotsukki from haikyuu. at least this was one that i can remember, i was mostly working on my 20 odd ocs for the longest time). i also used to write little short romance ficlets that i never posted anywhere cos i hated (n still do hate) my writing. but writing romance when u dont have experience was really just a way of projecting n probably a way of coping for myself, not that i knew at that time. but after i actually started a relationship with my boyfriend (whom i love n cherish a lot thank u very much), i began to see how much all these have skewed my views towards romance n have actually done some harm to our relationship. the bullshit that the general media feeds u constantly doesnt help in the slightest either.

quick topic shift to elisop in particular (about time, right?). i already stated that i only ship characters if i sense chemistry between the two personalities, n if u have seen the part where i dont ship elisop then u must have seen how agonized i am over not being able to have a concrete personality for eli. that is the main problem i have with elisop: eli does not feel like a solid character to me. n that is a huge problem, because if he doesnt have any defining characteristics besides being mild n nice, then he can be whoever i want him to be. (i have done this in my exorcist comics, i will admit this. n the fact that i can just do that... it really does not sit well with me personally.)

n that is dangerous.

back to young me doing lil ship things. i think its also pretty safe to say when u really do ship 2 characters, chances are u kinda really relate very very hard to at least one of them. that very quickly can turn into projecting, n shipping therefore is not “exploring the relationship between 2 characters” n it becomes “my preferred dating simulator 101″. of course this isnt always the case, but at least it was for me, n subconsciously it might be for lots of ppl too. n since this is ur mental playground, u call the shots, n there is no consequences if u slightly (or even entirely) alter one or both personalities to fit ur desired narrative. n u wouldnt even notice or know, cos ur blind to ur own biasness.

we bring our perceived notions into real life, im sure u know that. so when ur partner does not become that perfect knight in shining armour, or when they get upset at things that u do (which is a very normal thing by the way), n u think (very subconsciously), That isnt what my otp would do, something is wrong here (nothing is wrong, actually its just ur skewed perception of a stable romantic relationship). why wouldnt ur otp do this? because u are both halves of ur otps, there is no hidden secrets between them (apart from the pining part but thats irrelevant), n again they have been altered to fit ur preferred narrative. 

a real relationship requires a lot of communication between parties, because newsflash, liking someone doesnt mean that u have to like every single thing they do, they will make mistakes n it will hurt u, n guess what, the reverse is also true. if u do go with absoutely anything that they would do with 0 objections whatsoever, ur not crushing on someone, ur idolizing them, n that power imbalance is detrimental to a relationship. these things are not obvious to ppl, especially when the whole climate is hell bent on getting into romantic relationships by a certain age or some bullshit. communication is key n is pretty much the only way to solve relationship issues, because the other person has a lot that u r not seeing n vice versa. as similar as 2 ppl can be, i doubt u can have 100% the same thoughts on all things. i dont make the rules.

so in ur mental playground u focus on the fluffy parts, maybe there is communication, but rarely is there any meaningful conflict. thats unrealistic, n if u bring that mindset to an actual relationship, thats not going to end well. i say meaningful conflict, because yes, generally u shouldnt have conflicts with ur significant other. but inevitably when ur with each other for long enough, u will realize that there are habits that u must change in order to be with the other person. habits that are harmful to the other person directly, or harmful habits towards yourself that indirectly harm the other person. these are meaningful in a sense that if left alone, it will manifest into larger problems that will harm u, the other person n the relationship as a whole. its meaningful to the relationship.

all these is made even worse if ur neurodivergent. maladaptive coping practices, self sabotaging behaviours, inherent disabilities. all these must be adjusted n addressed. im so incredibly thankful for my boyfriend for being incredibly patient with me when working all these out, n it has not been easy for me to work on myself n all my problems, n im still not done working on them. this aspect is often not explored in romance in general (or properly), n there is a very good chance i would have still been stuck in the unhealthy mindset of “this isnt like my otp, maybe we’re not meant to be”. because loving someone is a choice. no one is made for each other, it is a conscious choice made between 2 ppl to make things work. this is how arranged marriages work, i am told, n i do see the appeal, not that it actually does appeal to me culturally.

special mention to the kurotsukki ship, cos from there i found a very, very good fic that explored their relationship before n after getting together, n it actually showed aspects of this problem in the incredibly slow burn of (at that time) 20+ chapters. it was just one fic (n a very good one at that, i believe it was called Leviticus), but it had a lesson i never thought i needed to learn, n learn it i did, with a lot of help from my dear. 

this is also probably the reason why i dont really want to delve too much into romance now. i know its a lot of work, n everything (mostly) that the media feeds u is really false advertising, but ppl eat that shit up n so it remains one of the most popular genres to date. im just very wary that if i do start on a romantic story, i want to be able to show it in a way like that fic did, the truths of relationships, because i dont want to make something that sells, i want to make something that meaningful to me, if a little indulgent. n that also includes being very careful in how the respective characterizations will change in a relationship. almost too careful now that i think about it, but its not something that i mind. i was never one for romance from the start, n now im very careful about shipping because of what happened to me persoanlly.

okay enough about me, lets talk about aesop. in any au u put the character in, the essence of the character must remain despite the change in environment. so lets say we have ur typical modern au. dead mom, check. shitty mentor doing illegal stuff? also check. autistic boy with social anxiety? we’re good to go. all these have implications on aesop as a character, n while ppl are aware of this, again the way they go about portraying it can go, in my personal opinion, very wrong. ppl who immediately woobify aesop completely because he has autism annoy me. ppl who reduce him to uwu soft boi cos he has social anxiety do not know how the disorder really works n as someone who has that i hate it to the core. ppl who do all these for the sake of ship have lost my respect. its insulting.

remember the top/bottom dynamic? not that elisop is completely free from that (even if i dont know much about eli, to put him in either one of those stereotypes feels very insulting to his character. i wont even say anything about doing it to aesop its so upsetting), but its not entirely made up of either. but now i want to introduce another trope i am very wary of, which is “i can fix him”. im sure u guys have seen the meme going around poking fun at this trope (for those who havent, its along the lines of “u can fix him? well i can be his worst nightmare”) n no doubt yall would have seen it n gotten sick of it in some forced hetero romantic bullshit. we have one damsel in distress with a saviour that solves all their problems just by existing n being romo with each other.

remember “my preferred dating simulator 101″? this is not mutually exclusive n from my point of view this is dangerously close to this trope. lets be real, if it was actually a thing that all ur deep rooted trauma magically disappears if someone were to waltz into ur life, we would want it. definitely. no painfully dissecting ur own problems n constantly facing them head on. real life states that this is not the case, but it will not stop us from dreaming. n so this trope is born n lives n will go on.

(finally) pulling aesop n eli into this, at least in my mind, u have one severely traumatized boy with lots of issues n u have this. nice mild guy who can be anything u want him to be. i hope u can see where im going with this, n thats the direction i see some elisop heading towards (i dont read a lot of elisop to be fair). if u came from my eli character talk, i mentioned that it is incredibly one sided. this is exactly what im talking about.

putting it all together in case u havent already, aesop is the damsel in distress, whose problems magically disappear because of elis godly kindness n little to no work on improving himself, n they lived happily n gayly ever after.

can u tell how much that does not appeal to me. 

never mind the butchering of character that inevitably happens somewhere somehow, the unrealistically perfect themes n implications of this trope makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. this is, of course, due to personal reasons, n i definitely see the appeal of this dynamic because i would probably have been interested in this once upon a time as well. but as i am now, with everything i have explained up there n everything i have been through, i would politely rather not.

n its difficult to think of another dynamic, because of how little i know about eli apart from him being this saint, which easily makes him a candidate for being aesops trauma panacea. never mind aesop rarely, if ever, does anything for eli as a character in return, n its so damaging to buy into this rhetoric, where a person like this who would solve all ur issues no strings attached exists somewhere in the world. they really dont. a relationship has to be mutually benefitting, or it will be draining n disastrous. maybe u say, Oh its nice to imagine it once in a while. n yeah, i agree, except once in a while is a little difficult to keep track of n that is sort of what happened to me. id rather stay as far away as possible from this kind of unrealistic fantasy, i just got this shit sorted out with myself n my boyfriend.

i have some other reasons, but theyre more personally problematic, so i wont go into them here. but this is mostly n generally why i do not ship elisop romantically. if u do, u do u, and have fun, but again dont expect me to join u. thank u for coming to my ted talk, this took a lot longer than expected.

[drangues]

nnNOOO I DIDNT WANNA MURDER YOU BUT IM FLAD YOU FOUND THE IDEA,,, TOUCHING??? NICE??? ENOUGH TO SAY I DID. I allegedly write really good one liners out of the blue but I wasn’t expecting that to be one of them. Anyways YEAH that sounds like Kunikida, he’s like the tense before the jumpscare, if that makes sense??? He makes you nervous and you wait and nothing happens but it feels like you aren’t in the clear yet and then BANG. (Nyanon, 1/6)

And then someone smacks their head on something because he scared the hell out of them (AKA Dazai, whenever he tries to sneak out to nap or get food). Dazai, meanwhile, is too much of a Large Ham to pull off tense scares (unless you make him Angry in which case you Better Run). But the idea of them accidentally scaring Fukuzawa though,,, Poor guy, at least they won’t hold it over his head like they would with someone else. (Nyanon, 2/6)

Scares aside, poor Akutagawa can’t seem to Not get Dazai as his Ridiculous but admittedly Very Skilled upperclassman, it’s hilarious. And of course Dazai would be chaotic with his picture taking, he probably pulls off a lot of really dangerous stuff to land some good ones. Then he’s smug about it because even though people are scolding him his pictures are Good and everyone Knows It. And falling out of a tree is probably nothing new to him, lets be honest. (Nyanon, 3/6)

It’s just normally while he’s taking the pictures and not before he can hit the button (it’s okay Dazai, Atsushi is pretty enough that we understand). Also can I just say that poor Chuuya probably has. SO. Many awful photos of him that get taken, courtesy of Dazai. He’s truly a menace (Akutagawa tries to make up for it, though, because photographers are just hardcore piners like that I guess). Also also I’ve decided that Atsushi and Chuuya are lit majors (maybe novelists or poets? (Nyanon, 4/6)

Poe is also in their class!) and Atsushi is Chuuya’s kinda mentee figure. Both of them also use their major to pine, they’re just more Subtle because they can write it out in sappy love letters and stuff. But anyways, onto another Concept: I like to imagine that, when Atsushi gets really into something (a franchise, or a mythos, or something like that), he starts putting together timelines and maps based on the events that happened over the course what he’s interested in. (Nyanon, 5/6)

And he feels a bit stupid because he feels like there are better ones out there, but Dazai is immediately seen in the background, frantically studying what he can on the topic because he thinks Atsushi’s dedication is Cute and he wants to be able to talk to him about it. I don’t know if this is realistic or not I’m very tired. (Nyanon, 6/6)

you writing good liners out of nowhere?? sounds exactly like you and i Agree AND Y E S SS kunikida loves the Suspense, Th r i l l  e r . he likes to screw with you psychologically, im sure he has a detailed ideal plan on how to do that, thats just how he is uwu

dazais professor: YOU SHOULD N E V E R DO THAT E V E R AGAIN THAT WAS DANGEROU- dazai: but i get an A right? professor: dazai: professor: ,,yeah bUT MY POINT STILL STANDS-

i bet dazai has a whole album filled with “unflattering” pictures of chuuya and he gifts it to him as a gag gift on christmas, and akutagawa knowing dazais schemes already (cus he was forced to wake up early in the morning to print everything out with dazai) he has another album ready filled with the most beautiful pictures hes taken of chuuya (which in his opinions are all of them but he had to think from chuuyas perspective) and plus some other photos of stuff chuuya really likes like wine and fancy clothes and expensive looking food (i just know chuuya has a Rich Taste)

chuuya being atsushi’s mentor,,,,s O BBBB god thats so good i LOVE IT and them writing love poems is just so- can we please make poe write a romance novel thats literally just chuuaku and dazatsu and how they got together and thats his Break Through novel that makes him Sell Bank, all because one day he was like “hey lets write this im getting frustrated at the pining” and he just writes chapter after chapter until they finally get together- chuuya and atsushi arent really the most quitest when they tell each other what has happened with their respective love interests and dazai/akutagawa are Very Attention Grabbing with their antics. so poe just Gathers Everything quietly (plus his boyfriend ranpo, a criminology major, also friends with the four idiots, tells him everything)

ALSO WE DONT C AR E ABOUT REALISM THIS IS FICTION BABEYH REALITY CAN BE WHATEVER WE WANT AND DAZAI WOULD D E F IN I T E L Y TRY AND STUDY FRANTICALLY WHAT ATSUSHI IS INTERESTED IN JUST TO CASUALLY BE LIKE “oh that?yeah i thought (x) arc was really cool” AS IF HE WASNT UP ALL NIGHT OEHJAHAJKDSDS 

[njmillswriting]

Originally posted on Wattpad so if you enjoy this, please go view it there, it would really help! Under the name MelodiousNocturneIX

Hailee sat up. Her hair a mess and her cheeks stained from the previous night. No longer upset, instead she felt empty. She cried away every emotion, now just flesh and bone. She threw her legs off the side of the bed and stood up, taking a breath she dragged herself to the bathroom. She wasn't ever a morning person, her current mood didn't help. Dragging a brush through her hair, wincing slightly from the constant tugging she looked at herself in the mirror. A soft sigh left her lips. How did she let herself become so affected by something that would be so minor later in life. She grabbed her face wash and rinsed away the memories of last night, humming softly in hope to keep her mind occupied. After the rest of the mundane tasks of her morning routine she left her flat, locking the door behind her.

The cool British air hit her as she got outside. She knew it would be cold but not this cold. Hailee tugged up her collar, hoping it would shield her from the winter breeze as she walked down the path towards work. Small children ran passed her, not a care in the world as their short arms stretched out from their sides as they made soft raspberry noises. Followed behind were, what Hailee assumed to be, their parents, chuckling amongst themselves whilst complaining about being up so early. You'd think after each day being the same, there would be no need to complain.

After a few awkward sorrys from Hailee and a lot of disapproving glares from school run mothers, Hailee finally made it into work.

Opening up the small book store, she inhaled deeply. The scent of books was comforting to her, like freshly cut grass or the smell of mint. There was something about it that brought you back to reality, which was ironic as she would get lost in so many worlds due to books.

Once the store was prepared she turned the homemade open sign to alert people they could finally enter her small little kingdom of tales. Yet, there was never a rush that came in, never a hoard of hungry readers flooding through the door, just enough to keep the store afloat.

She didn't mind the lack of customers to start, the only issue was she couldn't distract herself. Break ups are hard, she felt it was coming, the messages became shorter and far less frequent and the phone calls were silent. She just expect it to end like it did. No message, no phone call, just a blank picture, a "user not found". Pushing herself away from the front counter she walked to a small section of the store, a tiny cavern of hidden gems which weren't too popular in sales. Her fingers delicately touched the spine of each novel, wondering which would catch her attention. Upon seeing one that was a deep red colour with gold lining, she took it from the shelf and made her way back to the counter. It wasn't long before she was fully invested into the tale of a young prince and a fair maiden fighting alongside each other rather than falling in love.

Hailee, completely lost in the book, didnt hear the bell ring to alert that someone had come into the store. A tall, slim man walked through the door. His hair was gelled back yet seemed natural and his hair almost white. His features were sharp and his eyes were like ice. His presence brought a chill with it. His long black wool blend trench coat covered his body to his thigh were it showed his tailored trousers and dress shoes. A deep green scarf was wrapped around his neck. It fit him well, the colour made his complexion look slightly less paler than it was. He looked around the store, not seeming too impressed. His steps echoed through the small bookstore yet Hailee didnt bat an eye, still invested in her story. He cleared his throat but didn't look in her direction "You'd think a run down little shop like this would greet its customers with a bit of respect" his voice was harsh, strong enough to bring Hailee away from her book.

"Oh my, I'm so sorry, I was lo-" before she could finish, the tall blonde interrupted her "I'm looking for a book" he said simply, she let out a soft chuckle "good job you're in a bookstore then huh?" He definitely wasn't amused by her humor. She hummed, waiting for him to explain the book he was looking for.

"I'm looking for..." there was a pause as he pulled out a small, leather bound, notepad from his pocket, flicking a few pages he looked at what was written.

"Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe" He looked at her, Hailee smiled and nodded,

"Right this way". She led him to near the back of the store before grabbing a small ladder.

Hailee climbed up to a taller shelf, she didnt want to struggle trying to reach it, he seemed to be in a rush. He was tapping his foot, looking at his watch. She looked at him and passed him the book, she understood that she was rude in the beginning but he didn't need to be so rude now.

He took the book without a single word of appreciation, walking to the counter. She watched him, slightly amazed at how someone could be so ignorant. Climbing down the ladder the made her way to were the blonde was.

He watched her as she typed in the small code on the back of the book, watching as she frowned in concentration. A small curve of his lips appeared but soon disappeared before she could notice.

"That is just £12.99" Hailee smiled, placing the book in a small brown bag, wrapping it in string and adding a small loyalty card "I dont need that" he spoke, she decided to ignore him, handing him the newly wrapped book with a smile.

He huffed with slight annoyance and held out his card. After paying for the novel he held it to his side and abruptly turned to leave the store. Before leaving he looked over his shoulder, seeing Hailee focused back on her book. He let out a soft hum before leaving the store.

It soon hit 8pm, Hailee locked up the store. The weather even colder than before. Shivering she started to walk, her face hidden in her jacket in hope to stay warm. Walking with a little speed she didn't see the blonde from earlier, instead she crashed straight into his chest, stumbling back slightly yet he didnt move an inch.

"God, watch where you're fucking going!" His voice was a lot harsher than earlier, she looked up at him, profusely apologising. He growled and looked at her, realising it was the woman from the bookstore.

"Wow, what a surprise it's you" he glared, she looked at him slightly taken aback.

"Look I'm sorry I bumped into you but there's no need to be so rude" Hailee didn't need this, especially not today. The blonde shook his head and let out a laugh, more to mock her. She inhaled deeply , pushing passed him, not exactly caring now. He watched her, he felt guilt? This wasn't normal for him at all.

Hailee went home, slamming the door angrily before quickly shouting sorry in case her neighbours got annoyed. Throwing her jacket down she looked at the kitchen. Not too long after she ordered some food. She deserved it, especially after today. Who even was that guy? She didn't even know his name but she disliked him. Hailee grew frustrated at just the thought of the blonde.

-----------

The next day was just the same, lack of customers, cold day. Midday she decided to take a small break, locking up the store she placed a 'be back in 15!:)' sign on the door. Hailee shivered uncontrollably,  she really needed to invest in a winter coat. She went to the small coffee shop a few stores down. She grinned as the smell of freshly baked of toasties and small sweet treats filled the air. The older lady , around 60, her name was Eliza, waved her in and greeted her.

"Hello Hailee, would you like your usual?" She spoke sweetly, Hailee nodded with a smile "thank you", Eliza shook her head "Go sit down I'll bring it over". Hailee followed orders and took a seat. This small shop was rather vintage looking. The walls were a pale blue with white coving, the tables were all different with various chairs, seemingly whatever Eliza could find. It fit her personality well, she was different but in a good way. Her white hair was dyed a light pink at the ends, she told Hailee it was because as a 'youngster' having dyed hair wasnt seen as normal. She wore various home made and thrifted outfits with a mass amount of different types of jewelry,  she always wore an opal pendant around her neck though. Her glasses hung on a gold chain with blue beads around her neck. The glasses were pointed with a red frame.

Not too long after, Eliza came out with a mug, that was blue with white polka dots, of coffee and a plate of beans on toast with cheese. Eliza gave Hailee the same mug each time she came in.

"Mmm, thank you" Hailee hummed, watching Eliza go back to her kitchen.

Half way through her meal, the chair opposite her was pulled out and someone took a seat. She looked up and instantly frowned.

The blonde from yesterday was seated, a take out cup in his hand. She wiped her mouth and sighed "have you come to yell at me again?"

His hand gripped the cup tighter, veins promptly showing as he took a breath, trying to stay calm. "I came to apologise" he spoke, his teeth gritted slightly "but now you can forget about it" He stood abruptly , the chair almost falling back behind him. She looked completely confused by the situation "did you expect me to greet you warmly? Like you did with me yesterday?" Her tone was filled with sarcasm, earning a glare from the Male.

He shook his head and stormed out the cafe. Hailee shrunk back into her seat, sighing as she pushed her plate away.

"Ignore him sweetie, Draco has never been a people person" Eliza smiled, cleaning up the plate and taking it away.

Draco. He must be a regular here. Shes never seen him before though, was she really that oblivious to the world around her.

Hailee couldn't stop thinking about the encounter with Draco in the cafe, she felt guilty even though she had no reason too. That's always been her issue, she always took the blame herself. She looked at her drink, the small layer of froth at the top began to disappear. Distant chatter could be heard over the soft music that played. The smell of lager filled the air but it wasn't an uncomfortable smell, it fit the atmosphere. Hailee looked around the small pub before seeing the now very familiar blonde at the end of the bar. His glass was half full, seemingly drinking some sort of spirit with cola. Hailee took a breath, grabbing her pint before making her way over, sitting beside him.

"I'm...I'm sorry for earlier" she spoke, he didnt look at her, Draco brought his glass to his lips and took a sip. His focus forward, refusing to acknowledge her.

"I didn't know you were coming to apologise but can you blame me for the confusion?"

His icy blue eyes sharply turned and looked at her. Her arms were covered in goosebumps and the small hairs on the back of her neck rose.

"You shouldn't add but to an apology. It makes it completely pointless" His voice was low. She gulped slightly and nodded "I am sorry though" her shoulders fell. She watched his features, not even a twitch. Sighing she stood up. Being a little shorter she had to make a slight little jump off of the stool, her foot didn't land properly causing her to slightly fall before a large hand rested on her back, keeping her from going any further. Draco's one hand held up her weight, bringing her up closer to him. Hailee looked at him, her lips slightly parted in shock. He looked at her, his eyes now analysing each of her features, from her deep brown eyes to the small freckle just below her lip. Hailee's chest quickened in pace, staying silent. He made sure she was upright before placing money on the bar. Grabbing his coat he left the young woman standing in shock, not looking back.

[toxikbubblegum]

April Reading Review

April was a big month for me. After not reading for a long time, this month I've fallen back in love with it. So I've decided to log all the books I read from now on. To track and remember what I've read throughout the year. Sorry if I shit on your favorite book.

Eragon by Christopher Paolini

The only book I DNF'd. I've tried to read this series 3 times since it came out and I just cant. I quit about half way through everytime. It's just extremely slow and I cant seem to get invested. The characters are bland and dont intrest me at all. Just didn't care for it in the slightest.

Need by Carrie Jones

Oh, was this a trip. And not a good one. Being completely honest I dont remember any of the characters names and I dont care enough about this title to look them up. I will refer to them by their stereotypes that were so fuckinh prevalent in this novel. 🙃 So the story is about this girl, your typical "look how quirky and plain I am" ya heroine for these B list supernatural romances, is sent to this little town in I want to say North Carolina, but dont quote me there. She moves in with her Grandma, who is 100% the best character in the book, after he dad mysterious drops dead on the kitchen floor. So, right off the bat we end up in the first day of school trope. Main character is in the office and here we meet a boy and a girl WHO ARE CLEARLY THE ANTAGONISTS OF BOOK. This may just be a me problem but I absolutely hate when I can unravel the entire book in the first few chapters. It feels like the author was lazy and didnt put enough effort into concealing the intent and weaving a mystery. I digress, the two main villains and the main love interest are all introduced within the first 3 chapters and like, it's made clear who these characters are meant to be. It honestly felt like the writer looked at a list of stereotype tropes and started checking them off. So yeah, weird shit starts happening and the main character is convinced someone in trying to kill her. Oh, theres also this overarching theme of high school boys wandering into the woods and disappearing. Conclusion: FAIRIES! Or pixies rather which arent really pixies but have the name forcefully sewn onto them in this novel. And shapeshifters are the towns only hope! Just ugh. I don't want to talk about this book anymore. It was awful and I wont be continuing the trilogy. I rated it 2 stars out of 5 right after I read it but I almost dont feel it deserves that now. Looking back on it, Need was just a dumpster fire.

The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein by Kiersten White

This book was fantastic. No if, ands, or buts about it. It was one of the best books I've read this month. I'm usually not a big fan of horror retellings or historical fiction so I went in expecting to hate it and that absolutely wasnt the case. The book follows the story of Elizabeth Lavenza, the future wife of Victor Frankenstein, and her adventures prior to her marriage. I dont want to spoil too much because I think anyone who is a fan of suspense will love this novel. The side characters are usually my biggest critique in YA but the author worked magic with them. Justine and Mary were both angels and I loved them so much. It was just an all around good read that had me captivated from start to finish. 4.5/5 stars. Deducted a half point because I'm salty about the fate of my favorite character. Is that petty?

Hex Hall by Rachel Hawkins

Again, another title I kind of expected to have issues with but didnt. The book definitely suffers from a lot of YA tropes but they are presented in a more interesting way than in Need. The story follows a budding witch named Sophia who is being sent to a magical reform school called Hecate Hall. But it's not your typical "I got sent to boarding school" story. The year before a witch had died under mysterious circumstances, her body completely drained of blood. Everyone thought it was Sophie's vampire roommate Jenna who did it but there was never enough evidence. And now its happening again. The story is great and while the cast suffered a bit from trope syndrome, the twists in the plot really made up for it. I would definitely give the trilogy a read if supernatural school settings are your thing. 4/5 stars.

Demonglass by Rachel Hawkins

The sequel to Hex Hall. The continuation was really good and had an ending I absolutely didnt see coming. Actually liked this entry better than the first in the series. I plan to continue the trilogy as well as the spin off novels. 4.5/5 Deducted half a point for the infuriatingly ambiguous ending cliffhanger.

Sweep by Cate Tiernan

This book was meh at best. It was a tiny book about a girl who becomes a witch. She gets super into wicca and because of a pagan boy at school. It wasnt great but it was semi accurate to the religion. I dont honestly even remember much about the book. It went in one ear and out theother. Solid 3/5.

Splintered by A.G. Howard

This. Book. Is. Wonderful. It's a retelling sort of thing of Alice in Wonderland. It follows a girl named Alyssa, who is the descendant of Alice Liddel, as she tries to break her family's curse of madness. It infects only the women of the line and will eventually drive them insane, as it has Alyssa's mom. The one blight on an otherwise perfect book is Jebidiah, Alyssa's crush. He is a trash character and I hate him. I have so many problems with him that it would take far to long to list. My biggest one is that he is mildly abusive and extremely controlling. Just in the first part of the story he intentionally ruins Alyssa's education opportunity to study abroad purely for selfish reasons, forces his way into her home when he was asked to leave, goes through her belongings after being told not to, gives off major stalker vibes, and consistently treats her like his property. His presence was such a fucking stain on an otherwise lovely romp. Honestly, Morpheus and the twisted world building were what saved the book for me. Howard did such a brilliant job weaving together a demented version of an already dark land. 4.5/5. Gotta take a half point for the oozing, cancerous sore that is Jebidiah Holt.

[clarespace]

oh god, i just saw the official mv and my heart is screaming. it’s also 2am and im gonna gush about pete and ae with quick and dirty gifs, so watch out: 

ugh, i love these scenes so much. wait, i love every scene, but these first ones are so important. ae is presented as the typical confused guy but get this, he’s so soft and expressive with his feelings, and he’s. not. ashamed. of. it. quite a contrast with pete, whose been internalising his shame. the wonderful thing with ae is that he’s so honest and direct. he says what he feels and thinks. more importantly, his actions coincide with what he says. often, that just doesnt happen in bl stories. the guy feels something for another guy? he goes out with girls and avoids the guy, etc. not ae. the boy just dives right in after a few moments of self-reflection. what an awesome dude. 

and pete. our sweet, shy pete is saying, while looking into ae’s eyes, that he’s liked ae from the beginning. how cute is that? but more than cute, there’s the impression that he’s reached the point where he feels really safe and secure with ae that he can openly say this. wasnt it only a few episodes ago where he was still worried about bothering ae, and ae has done so many things to affirm pete’s trust in him that they’ve reached this point. which episode this will be, who knows, but they get here, hopefully with as little fuss as possible. 

look. at. THAT. that’s one of the cutest things i’ve ever seen and it just screams ‘couple in love’. i gotta say, the body direction in this drama has been SPOT ON by the director and the actors. they’re horribly in love and it should SHOW. they should have their own couple language, their sweet gestures. see how tender ae is, and how content pete looks, especially with the way he closes his eyes when he finally rests his head on ae’s shoulder. just...the way their bodies are positioned is so so so good. boys sit like that! and the way they are subtly turned towards each other shows openness and interest...hear me heave my biggest, happiest sigh. 

idk what happens in this moment except i want more of it. study date? sleep over? moving in together?? okay, the last one is too soon but i have a weakness when my otp spend time sleeping with each other and doing their nightly routines and just living life in love. also, ae, dont be extra. pete is really cute when he’s asleep but that’s no reason to look at him as if he’s literally doing cartwheels and you’re so proud of him...ugh, fine, i take it back. look at him with love ALL THE TIME.

ok it’s so hilarious to me that pete was smiling his dumb ‘ai ae’ smile and then the next frame he’s all serious as ae pushes him down slowly on the bed. also. fooling around in broad daylight? i approve because it’s so ridiculous when dramas only seem to portray that sex happens at night, in the dark. definitely not. also, they could just be cuddling here and i wont object to that either. ae just really dives into this whole thing, huh? 

once again, no context except that ae is so happy and pleased to see pete. get you a man who looks at pete the way ae does. look at the fondness in those eyes. he’s so expressive, i love it. kudos to the actor for his portrayal! also, pete looks...hesitant? surprised? that ae is waving at him? and like he’s leaving in a hurry? hmmmm also i love a guy in a football kit so much

wow guys, just show off your love, huh? like i said, one of my favourite things is watching a couple actually be a couple. what they do, how they act, their own gestures, their rituals and it looks like ae and pete are the kind of ridiculously soft, touchy feely, sweet af couple who love to spend as much time as possible...and that happens to be my all time weakness, my ultimate goal. it’s like, pete is either making a joke or telling him something funny and ae gives that little huff and everything is smothering me with joy. 

i am surprised, though, by the implication that they spend a lot of nights sleeping together. it’s something i dont come across often in asian dramas. western, yes, when they’re dating and spend days and nights in their own world, and this is what i see happening with ae and pete. it’s modern and new and accurate. or am i just surprised because in kdramas they dont even hold hands and they flinch whenever they look each other in the eye? maybe. 

they’re so freaking DOMESTIC and i am so here for that shit. who sleeps on what side of the bed? who wakes up first? do they sleep all cuddled up?(remembering ae sleeping on top of pete, that’s a big YES) who makes breakfast? who fixes the bed? I NEED TO KNOW

hands down my favourite moment. not only is it a great shot, it’s just so...normal. they’re just ordinary boys with an extraordinary love that they’re not afraid to show. look at that body language. the familiarity, the softness, the smoothness of the action. is this the end where they’ve fully accepted each other? told each other all of their stories? cleared away the misunderstandings and are now just basking in the joy of being together?

also, it’s quite telling that ae is being presented as the top. now, i do have my own preferences for top and bottom but i dont really care who does it, tbh, and it doesnt matter. you could have your own headcanons about it and that’s fine as long as you’re not being toxic. i’ve seen so many people refuse to read/watch something if this or that person is placed in a specific role. on that note, i like how they’re showing that the one who’s physically larger isn’t the top, as is the case most of the time. they’re going there. 

there are a few more moments but now it’s 3:30am as i type this, my eyelids are getting heavy (even though my heart is still going kyaa kyaa) and im gonna end this with the two biggest things that the drama is going right with pete and ae: 

1. you dont have to be a jerk and use tricks to make someone fall in love/pay attention to you. 

2. being soft and in love is nothing to be ashamed of. 

i hope that there wont be the usual misunderstandings with the girl, or unnecessary, or break ups. i’ve noticed some people say that pete and ae dont have a complex story and therefore their love isnt complex or strong, and i’d just like to correct that assumption. just because a love story isnt full of angst and bloodshed doesnt make it a lesser love, just like a love story full of hardship and pain makes it somehow more worthy. there is nothing romantic about pain or break ups or messy love triangles. yes, these things happen because the characters are idiots and make such choices that lead to these things, but ae and pete seem to make choices that are good and healthy for them and there is nothing wrong with that. there is nothing wrong with falling in love, getting that person, and living a happy life. it’s so rare to get this sweet, soft gem of a love story between two sweet, soft boys. let’s enjoy it and not wish them to break up or go through silly misunderstandings. if that happens, then it happens logically and not just to throw unnecessary angst in there. 

happiness is not boring. we’ve (or at least, i have) been waiting for so long for a main couple who gets that smooth-sailing love while the secondary ones go through all the mess and have that role model of good, healthy relationships as the focus. again, not saying they should be in a perfect, conflict free relationship but the meddling third parties? the miscommunication? nothing in their personalities makes those things possible long-term, tbh. ae would just be blunt about it and tell the truth. pete would probably agonise a little bit and then ask. if you find dark, angsty love stories as your thing, good for you, but dont wish for that to happen just for the sake of it. 

please let them be happy. look at these adorable children! they should only know happiness and cuddles and sweet kisses.

come talk to me about ae and pete! i am so down with talking about them!

(seeing as there are several volumes of the novel, it would seem that pete and ae do go through some stuff but they remain steadfast and true, as much as i can gather. just no avoidable bullshit, please.)

(also 4am. if you read all of this word regurgitation, thank you and im sorry lmao)

[temeraire]

(1/2) AHHH HELLO!! I have finished network effect!! Ohhh it was SO GOOD SO SO GOOD I need to try to put all my emotional notes into a coherent message now!!

I see what you meant by all the art hints now n I’m still Yelling!! I’m so happy it’s back AHHH!! I was so worried at first when it showed up empty and the reveal that it had been deleted - the fight scene between mb and the infected humans after mb finds that out was CHILLING, and then mb’s breakdown afterwards OHH it rly sees art as a friend I am Upset!! And then when mb managed to bring art back, I felt so immediately reassured, art is so dependable!!! The banter between the two of them AS SOON as art came back im so. AHHHH I love their friendship so much!!! Their arguments rly had me alternating between laughing and clutching my chest in Pain. Art rly brings out mb’s emotional side n it’s so clear that art has come to care for mb so much too!! Ofc neither of them will admit any of this to the other tho :’DDD also their apologies after they came to an understanding… AHHH

And BIG YES to character interactions I love character interactions, it was nice to still have some of the familiar characters in this book n I also loved reading mb interacting with new characters as well!! I especially love amena so much, her playful teasing yet being supportive of mb is so good, I love their friendship :’DDD and it’s rly so cool that the series has both murder mystery type settings like in FT and the fast paced tech action scenes like in this book!! The variety is amazing!!

(2/2) Also the plot of this book was great, I rly enjoyed reading a full length novel of mb n it had everything I loved abt the previous books. It rly made me reflect abt all of mb’s character development :’) the exploitation n dehumanisation of people under capitalism, what happens when we don’t see other people as people, that is explored with mb’s introspections abt its existence n trauma n personhood, and throughout the whole plot w the abandoned colony n corporatisation of planets, while still managing to mix in great action n humour to make it a rly engaging n fun read I’m!! Yelling!! And the ending with mb feeling touched that everyone came to rescue it I am cryin!! It just shows so well that you SHOULD care abt others and it is SO GREAT!! I rly hope there’s gonna be more books, I would love to see more of mb n art!!! Also, ur tag on the post abt recommending media!! :DDDD Thank u for posting abt this series I am SO glad I read it, n also thank u so much for yelling abt it with me!! :’)) Ahh mb is such a great character and a rly fun narrator, what an amazing series!!

YEAAAAAH

ok no believe me the whole series after AC i was Waiting for art to come back and it DID i was so happy and i didnt want to spoil you for that too bad fjhdsfsjhf but YEAH like i knew it wasnt gonna be Dead dead because like... it simply didnt make narrative sense for it to be completely dead, but oh MAN mb's reaction to it thinking art was dead? shattering. devastating. heartwrenching. very delicious in how it shows just how important they are to each other BUUUU ASSHOLE FRIENDS GET ME EVERY TIIIME mb really said

and yeah the banter between them is SO good because like. i think it really reveals things about them both that you dont see in them interacting with humans (or, in mb's case, with other bots)? because they are so singular in who they are and they dont have an absolute overlap but they're both very unique even in the world of constructs. i agree their interactions really do flip flop wildly between delightful rude bickering and punching you to the floor out of NOWHERE. you can see so much of who they are revealed in their interactions with each other in ways that their interactions with the humans don't. they both really genuinely care about each other in a way that is so unique to them (it's pretty funny but also a bit frustrating to see the humans interpret it as an analogue to a romantic relationship, because you can see where they're coming from and it works for humour purposes but also it misses so much of the nuance and the point of how they relate to each other which is that they're both Not human and consider each other as genuine equals and don't have to hold up pretenses of mimicking human behaviour to understand each other or make the other feel comfortable - i saw it somewhere as "my friend who is mentally ill in the same way i am" and it's definitely that, but also i really relate to it as an agender/aroace person and i imagine there's a lot of different ways it Can be interpreted there--anyway i'm rambling lmao) I JUST THINK THAT ART AND MB'S FRIENDHSIP!!!!!!!!

AMENA MY BELOVEEED mb sees a human and says "is anyone going to very grumpily protect this person with their life" and not even wait for an answer. i really love the mini-arc amena gets over the course of the book of coming to understand mb and its place in presaux and its position as a team member and who it is as a person ;-; and also amena herself being both very teenagerish but also incredibly adaptable and competent!! the friendship they develop over this book is really enjoyable i agree :D

YEAAAAAH EXPLORATION OF THEMES WE LOVE THAT!!! martha wells does SUCH a good job of exploring concepts of personhood and portraying mb's trauma as something both very unique and alien but also very very understandable and familiar to a lot of people in a lot of different ways and it's kind of incredible. it really is amazing to go back and reread ASR after this and see just how far mb has come and how much it's changed and grown and how much it's managed to get through and survive ;-; the change in its attitude towards itself (there's a line in NE that makes me Bonkers - "I was a thing before I was a person, if I'm not careful I could become a thing again") from where it started in ASR with grouping itself in with the equipment,,, man. the bit at the end of NE with mb realising that everyone came back to rescue it - something that only one person (mensah) had EVER done before, because mb was DESIGNED to be an expendable resource and these people who care about it said No, we aren't abandoning you, because you're a person and we care about you--MAN!!!!!! IT GETS MEEE

and YEAH the commentary on capitalism and corporate shittiness with how it's both over-the-top nightmarish and horrifically Real,,, man she writes it so well it's so good like you say with the mix of humour and the different kinds of story!! i kinda love that murderbot diaries are for the most part in the form of serial novellas because it really feels like the same kinds of media that mb loves in-universe with its serialised shows, and it allows for so many different kinds of story arcs to happen like murder mysteries and space horror and action thrillers and YEAH it's just so delightful and i really cannot wait for more to come out!! and thank YOU for sending me your delightful reviews and giving me a chance to ramble :DDD if you ever want to ramble some more (on or off anon or just dm me out of the blue!!!!!) PLEASE do i love talking about mb SO MUCH :D

[misterbitches]

So i got blocked by someone for being like hm the show is weird (which by the WAY I WATCHED AND ENJOYED SOME OF IT SO) and pointing out the obvious flaws. It’s very clear that people who are receptive to critique are going to be fine with it and others, who think what they consume is themselves entirely, can’t handle it. That being said, since i have been blocked i still see posts. And what i cannot understand is this ridiculous idea that the people watching cannot process that they are neither a real couple nor is this reality. Number one, capitalism destroys everything it can touch so BL as a genre wasnt INTENDED nor will it be ABLE TO INTEND itself as like true cinematic feats or critique into a look at different lives. Case in point it is called BL. So. That is not reality nor will it ever be. If people choose to think outside the box and treat the story with respect or their characters and cast and crew with it, to not wallow in chaos, even if they are being pressed for time and money then that means we’ll be able to see that love. All these interpretations vary.

I just want to set this up with clarifying that none of this is reality or meant to be close to reality because it chooses to not be. But it lies and deceives, people then take the “non reality” aspect and, for some odd reason, can’t realize the way we are entertained and what we consume is meant to be a reflection, inspection, since with this type of medium the world IS FUCKING INFINITE there’s a world of possibilities. That means that when you come into contact with volatile characters you have to navigate through that. It also means that as creators there is an explicit EXPLICIT responsibility to be clear in \your intention. This isn’t some trashy poorly written bullshit romance novel that adult women only read and those themselves contribute to some goddamn fucking bullshit. But this is available to a public, young people on all sorts of spectrums, particularly in asia and you’re telling me

That my simple

Expectation

Of watching two fucking people not have a disgusting rship and fucking GET THROUGH IT is asking for too much? They were together for 7 fucking years and couldn’t get their shit together. At this point it isn’t the viewer (it never was.) considering that there are so many immense flaws with the show the worst part of it is the excuses lobbed against others when addressing that. What concerns me the most honestly is the idea that i have some sort of unrealistic expectation for not wanting to consume weeks of fucking garbage and garbage storytelling and i’m just supposed to accept this bitch’s hard on for fuckign assault and gang rape and that all this trauma shit means they can’t get to a point in their ADULT FUCKING LIVES THEY ARE ADULTS THEY WANT TO « GET MARRIED » where they have a fucking moment of peace. I’m sorry like no it’s actually psychotic that we’re supposed to overlook all that shit and then be like « oh man that’s just the way they are » like uhhhhh no that isn’t actually. It rips all the romantic notions out of it when the justifications slip in. Either don’t read critique or fucking go with the goddamn flow and be honest. There’s nothing you can say to get me to believe a dissapointment in story, acting, production, effort, etc is on the fault OF MINE because their relationship wasn’t ever going to be « good and healthy » like suck my motherfucking dick lmao fuck that shit. Have fun with your flimsy grasp on analysis (the dialectic!!! :P) and just truly poor tastes (out of already poor tastes) and i bet u have very bad taste in art and u should be ASHAMED!!!!! No but rly. It’s a weak thought, a weak argument, and just shows how sad and uncritical people love to get. Also like in general if people are going to approach these issues as if they know what they’re saying in terms of social issues and shit like that then you’re really gonna have to bring it so some losers on the internet (me) don’t have to read it and debunk your awful dumb claims.

No one is judging these people on any unrealistic terms and it’s disingenous to pretend that the level of thinking is so advanced and open minded that we just can’t understand people aren’t perfect and have relationship problems! Lmao no fucking shit asshole

[voltage-vixen]

Author Interview 💻

Thank you very much dear @lin-ful! I’m a huge fan of your work, and I feel truly flattered to be tagged by you! 💕

Name: Kristen 

Fandoms: L365,  SLBP, MLQC, Ikemen Sen/Vamp/Rev & MidCin. 

Want to do in the future: I would like to finish writing the original novel I started. I’ve actually set aside the time to sit down and start writing it, and I’m already a few chapters in. (Which finding the time is half the battle!)

Where You Post: I post mainly on tumblr, but due to recent glitching issues on the site, I’m going to start posting my fanfics to AO3. At least we will see how it goes over there for now!

I’m going to keep the prompts and special event stories on my blog here though. 

Most Popular One-Shot: I don’t know if a HC is technically considered a “one-shot”, but if it is my most popular one would be Bath Time with the Bidders. 

If that doesn’t count, then these stories for Gavin and Victor are both currently tied for first based on the note count: “Show me how you play with yourself.”--Victor  &   “I’m not feeling well.” “Then that means you’re on bed arrest today, and I’m your bed mate.”--Gavin

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: A Reassuring Reminder which features Gavin from MLQC. 

It’s funny because this was never intended to turn into a multi-chapter story, but lately Gavin has been one of the few characters that I’ve actually been feeling really excited to write for, and this story ended up continuing for that reason!

Favorite Story You Wrote: The Prequel to Paradise 

This was a story about how I pictured Yosuke and Taki meeting for the first time. I enjoyed really having to think about the box with this one, because writing for a character in the past can be tricky (at least for me) since we often only have a snapshot to work off of. I was very proud of being able to finish this one, and it really forced me to think

Story You Were Nervous to Post: Feelings Amiss

This was the first fanfic I ever wrote, and the very first one I ever posted to tumblr. I kept deleting the post when I originally first published it, but this was the story that helped me overcome the initial fear I first had. 

Also, it was my first one ever, so please don’t judge it too harshly! 😂

How You Choose Your Titles: In case it wasn’t obvious already, I LOVE alliteration and I will sit there and desperately try to make it work with the title, before I eventually give up and move on to something else. 😂

I can’t start writing the story without having the title, so the title process is a huge deal for me personally as a writer!

Completed: Is a lot an acceptable answer? 🤣🤷‍♀️ I honestly don’t know the count.

Incomplete: See answer to the question above. 😂

Do You Outline? NOPE! 

Been there, done that, and it’s not for me. More times than not I end up deviating from my original thought process anyway. 

Plus, I’ve been having difficulties managing my schedule lately, and that just adds another step for me to have to worry about.             

Do You Accept Prompts? I have a lot in previous requests sessions. I still will moving forward, but with the added disclaimer that despite my best efforts,  I won’t be able to guarantee anything. 

It’s nothing personal-some ideas just click while others have proven to be more challenging. 😣

Coming Soon/Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: I’m a rebel and combined these two questions since they had the same answers. 😂

I am SO unbelievably excited for the new events to get started!!! (I won’t list them all again, but you can find them HERE if you haven’t seen them yet.)

I’m going to be posting a calender shortly with the info on when you can expect to see them!

I’m also really stoked to start writing out for some of the newer fandoms I recently joined! I found some new characters that I really have grown fond of, and I already have a ton of ideas for them! 😊

What do you use to edit?: I write in Word and besides the basic catches it flags (and let’s be honest it misses a lot) I don’t edit. I HATE editing with a passion. 

I do edit in my freelance work (and I still dislike it) but for my hobby writing I “post and pray.” I know this is bad, and I truly do apologize in advance, but I overthink everything and I would start to second guess myself. 

This is 100% a me problem, but it’s a vicious cycle I prefer to avoid!

Writing setup: Chaos. Sheer and utter chaos. The more chaotic the better. 🤣 Seriously, I tend to thrive in a more busy environment. 

I sit on my couch and binge watch all the shows on Netflix that I can’t watch when my kids are awake. (Currently I’m watching Dexter in case anyone cared to know that.)

While I’m writing, I’m normally chatting with friends and I’m trying to use my energy/stamina so I can clear one of many events I’m probably playing. (cough-IkeSen right now-cough).

I end up getting distracted a lot throughout this process, but that’s alright! Sometimes the most randomest things can spark the slightest idea!  

Do you use a beta reader? 

I recently asked a friend for her opinion on the characterization for a newer character I was writing for, but otherwise I don’t on a regular basis.

Nearly all my writing lately has been taking place very late at night, and I always immediately post a story once it’s completed. The exception being the special event stories, but otherwise it’s all published right away. Even if I could find a patient enough soul willing to do it, my writing schedule is sporadic and it would be difficult for me to communicate consistently.  

Additionally, if I’m left alone to wait with my own devices, who knows what would happen?!😂

Where do you get your writing inspiration?  

A lot of times random thoughts will pop into my head when I’m reading a route. Or something I see or hear in real life may trigger an idea that I think would be perfect for a story.

Also, I hate waiting for new content to be released, so I need something to entertain myself with in the meantime! 😊

Can we get a quote from an upcoming WIP?

“You’re finally awake?”

MC groaned as her eyes flickered adjusting to the newfound darkness of the room she was currently being held captive in. 

“W-Where am I?” MC questioned, while glancing around the room trying to find any sort of clue that would provide her with the answers she was seeking. 

A tall intimidating cloaked figure, furtively scuttled over and roughly pinched the side of her bruised cheeks. 

“That’s enough out of you,” he snarled. “Today, I’ll be the only one asking the questions around here.”

(This is from the final chapter of A Reassuring Reminder)

Tagging: @iluvsexyvoltageguys & @that-wasnt-so-bad

[theconservativebrief]

So what if you didn’t grow up immersed in the wizarding world of Harry Potter?

For plenty of Americans — especially millennials, who were children when the books first came to the US — that’s an almost unimaginable hypothetical. The books shaped the imagination of millions of children, who flocked to midnight release parties, dressed as Harry and Hermione and Ron for Halloween, watched the movies, and even now frame their understanding of real-world political events in terms of Hogwarts and He Who Must Not Be Named.

But a sizable chunk of the same age cohort didn’t read the books at all.

That wasn’t because they just weren’t into books, or because they didn’t know about Harry Potter. It was because in some religious communities — particularly among conservative evangelicals, but also some Catholics and Muslims — the Harry Potter series was viewed on a spectrum that ranged from suspicion to outright opposition.

To some, the reasons may be obvious; to others, that makes no sense. But the phenomenon of conservative Christian opposition to Harry Potter succinctly encapsulates many of the forces that were at play within that group two decades ago — and illuminates a whole group of young adults who felt excluded from the world around them.

I’m among the millennials who grew up not reading J.K. Rowling’s novels or watching the films for religious reasons. While writing this article, I’ve had hundreds of conversations through social media and in person with adults across the country who had the same experience.

For many of us, reading the novels wasn’t outright forbidden, at least not through some kind of household decree; it was just understood that it wasn’t something we did in our homes. (I’d fall into this category.) For others, the opposition was much more overt. Some people spoke to me about bringing home the novels and having them taken away. Others felt ashamed about times when their parents told their teachers that they wouldn’t be allowed to read the books along with the rest of the class.

A Harry Potter fan in Australia reading the last book in the series. Lisa Maree Williams/Getty Images

The variety of these experiences helps illuminate the complexity of opposition to Harry Potter’s world — something that’s been bolstered as I’ve talked to parents who once opposed the books and have changed their views, and others who still prefer not to let their children read them.

Many of us non-readers found that our parents’ opposition to Harry Potter dropped away as we got older, or as the series was completed and its overt Christian influences became clearer — and then were confirmed in 2007 by Rowling herself, who told MTV in an interview that she thought the Christian symbolism had been obvious. Still, others I’ve talked to say their parents continue to oppose the novels, even removing them from their adult children’s shelves if they move home.

To those who grew up with the books, that may seem slightly baffling. The stories of Hogwarts and the young wizards seem of a piece, in many ways, with the battles of good and evil contained in other classic works of fantasy, including some explicitly Christian-influenced ones such as C.S. Lewis’s The Chronicles of Narnia and J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings. So what accounts for this opposition?

The answer has a lot to do with some of the voices that were especially influential in conservative Christian culture, and especially evangelical culture, in the late 1990s and 2000s, when Harry Potter was growing into a literary phenomenon.

The most often cited voice of opposition among those I talked to was Focus on the Family, an immensely popular and influential evangelical parachurch operation, and in particular the organization’s leader until 2003, author and psychologist James Dobson.

Dobson rose to prominence as a proponent of conservative social positions and relatively strict child-rearing practices. He founded his flagship organization, Focus on the Family, in 1977, and produced a daily radio show by the same name that at its height was reportedly heard every day by more than 220 million people in 164 countries and in a dozen languages.

Japanese Harry Potter fans pose with their newly purchased copies of the Japanese version of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at Kinokuniya Bookstore on July 23, 2008, in Tokyo. Koichi Kamoshida/Getty Images

Focus on the Family is especially influential in telling conservative evangelical parents how to navigate popular culture, which it does in two ways. It creates pop culture of its own, combining entertaining stories that teach biblical lessons with relatively high production values — the long-running fictional radio drama Adventures in Odyssey is an especially successful example — as an alternative to mainstream entertainment. And it produces a publication called Plugged In, which describes itself as “an entertainment guide full of the reviews you need to make wise personal and family-friendly decisions about movies, videos, music, TV, games and books.”

Plugged In is hardly the only publication that does this — Christianity Today, where I was chief film critic before joining Vox in 2016, has done it for years, as have far more conservative sites like MovieGuide — but it’s one of the longest-running and most popular in existence, partly due to its backing by Focus.

Plugged In reviews were a fixture of life for many children growing up in conservative evangelical churches, particularly in the 1990s. Unlike some more hardline Christian review sites, Plugged In reviewers often comment generously on the artistic and technical value of a pop artist’s debut album or the latest franchise blockbuster. But they also describe, in some detail, the moral content of the cultural object and make recommendations based on those matters, outlining everything from spiritual elements to violent content to drug and alcohol use.

The Plugged In review of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone is fairly typical of the site. It mentions among its positive elements Harry and Ron’s friendship, warnings against greed, and the sacrificial love of Harry’s parents. It points out the story’s use of rule-breaking and violent content, along with Hagrid’s taste for butterbeer. And it devotes three measured paragraphs to the “stereotypical” presentation of witchcraft and wizardry in the book, and suggests the way dark magic is portrayed does not make it seem desirable — all, on balance, good things, from a Plugged In perspective.

But the review also taps into what became the biggest opposition to the world of Hogwarts.

“On a cultural level, Rowling can be commended for steering young fans away from the so-called dark side,” the review adds parenthetically. “But from a spiritual perspective” — meaning, in the real world outside the books, according to the Bible — “it’s clear that there are not dark and light sides when it comes to witchcraft; it’s all as black as sin.”

In other words, though in the world of Harry Potter, magic can be used for good, in our world, governed by the rules of God and not fictional magic, all witchcraft is evil.

“The meaningless charms found in this book may not summon occult forces, but there are real charms that do,” the review suggests, and says that because the world of magic that Rowling has created is so much brighter and more interesting than the boring realm of Muggles, the books may hold an allure that is unhealthy for children. “Biblically speaking, to participate in the world of witchcraft brings death rather than a fuller life,” the review’s uncredited author writes.

In the end, while Plugged In praised the books in some modest respects, it also concluded that parents should “think long and hard before embarking on Harry Potter’s magic carpet ride.”

And that attitude of suspicion toward the Harry Potter books’ magic — and the worry that it would attract children to the occult — is perhaps the single most influential source of opposition to the series among conservative Christians.

Harry Potter fans wait for the stars to arrive at the Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets world premiere on November 3, 2002, in London. Scott Barbour/Getty Images

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the most prominent voice in this opposition was James Dobson himself. He addressed the matter on his radio program and issued a lengthy response to an erroneous assertion in a 2007 Washington Post article that characterized him as having “praised” the series. A response posted to Focus on the Family’s website stated that “this is the exact opposite of Dr. Dobson’s opinion — in fact, he said a few years ago on his daily radio broadcast that ‘We have spoken out strongly against all of the Harry Potter products,’” and that the Post reporter had not just acknowledged but “apologized for” the error.

The statement also reiterated Dobson’s opposition to the series: “Given the trend toward witchcraft and New Age ideology in the larger culture, it’s difficult to ignore the effects such stories (albeit imaginary) might have on young, impressionable minds.”

Dobson was far from the only conservative Christian leader who sounded a warning about the books. Just a quick Google search turns up articles, books, websites, and other resources warning families away from the books and movies because of their connection to witchcraft. A Jack Chick tract called “The Nervous Witch,” about Wicca and witchcraft, even features a character who says she got into “the craft” through the Harry Potter books.

In several states, parents sought to have the books removed from schools, suggesting in some cases that they were connected to Wicca and thus their inclusion in school libraries violated the separation of church and state.

Others, however, were more measured than Dobson and those who suggested Christian families shun the books.

Chuck Colson, the former Nixon administration official who became an evangelical leader, initially praised the books on his own radio broadcast in 1999. “If your kids do develop a taste for Harry Potter and his wizard friends,” Colson said, “this interest might just open them up to an appreciation for other fantasy books with a distinctly Christian worldview.”

But seven years later, he had changed his mind without going so far as to outright decry them; he said that while he didn’t personally recommend the books or movies to Christian families, they were a good opportunity to teach children to exercise discernment — that is, to examine them critically through the lens of their faith.

The conservative newsmagazine World, which regularly published reviews of the books and the movies as they were released, took a similar tone. In a piece titled “More Clay Than Potter,” published in 1999, World’s book critic Susan Olasky and Anne McCain, a director of children’s education at a Presbyterian church in Virginia, examined how the newly popular books “can give Bible-conscious parents an enjoyable opportunity to teach older children how to think critically.”

“Truths sprinkled throughout the books are ‘trail markers’ that can be used to point to God,” Olasky and McCain wrote, pointing to the books’ emphasis on wise counsel and the difference between good and evil as positive — while also noting that the books may put “a smiling mask on evil” and draw readers into the real world of witchcraft, though the Hogwarts world of wizardry bore little resemblance to the world of Wicca.

A young Harry Potter fan in July 2005. Stephen Chernin/Getty Images

World’s reviews of the books and movies continued to be mixed through the end of the series, often noting the increasingly dark tone and the ways the moral order in Harry’s world may confuse children about the moral order in our own.

When I spoke with Olasky about World’s take on the series, she pointed to the magazine’s often mixed opinions on the books and movies, saying that their main concerns had a lot to do with simply not knowing where the series was going — especially since they dealt so powerfully with good and evil.

“It was a world that kids were drawn to,” she said. “But you didn’t really know [at first] what the rules were. … A thing would appear to be this, and then it would turn into that.”

That was also of concern to the parents who read World, and to those inclined to carefully watch over what their children experienced. “I still think Christians should think about that,” she said. “Should anything capture our imaginations like that?’

To Olasky and other critics who saw the series from her perspective, the world of Harry Potter wasn’t necessarily dangerous because it was a throughput to witchcraft, Satanism, and the occult. They were more concerned with the ideas that impressionable children might absorb from the immensely popular book, ideas that might conflict with biblical ideas about good, evil, light, darkness, obedience, and other matters. And they were concerned with reminding parents not to allow their children to uncritically accept stories just because they were popular — especially without knowing where the series was headed.

That perspective, which sought to protect children’s developing imaginations from particular content, seemed obviously false to others. YA author Judy Blume, for instance, wrote a dismissive op-ed titled “Is Harry Potter Evil?” in the New York Times in 1999, linking opposition to the books to efforts to ban books ranging from Madeleine L’Engle’s overtly Christian A Wrinkle in Time series to Blume’s own novels from school libraries. Blume praised “subversive” books for the ways they developed her imagination.

But to more protective parents, it made sense. And even those who might not take a hardline view against the books might have been inclined to avoid them, hearing the voice of alarm. That’s how communities that form around shared values, like religious or other beliefs, often work: In concert, they form practices and boundaries, and then support one another in maintaining those boundaries.

Children dressed as Harry Potter characters with their just-purchased copies of the German-language edition of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on November 8, 2003, in Berlin. Sean Gallup/Getty Images

There were also plenty of conservative Christian critics and leaders who leaned positive or outright supportive of the series from the start. One such Christian writer, John Granger — who was described in Time in 2009 as the “dean of Harry Potter scholars” — has written extensively about the series’ connection to Christian teachings in books such as Hidden Key to Harry Potter (now titled How Harry Cast His Spell) and Looking for God in Harry Potter. He also maintains the “Hogwarts Professor” blog.

Granger wrote his books in response to anti-Potter books, such as Richard Abanes’s Harry Potter and the Bible: The Menace Behind the Magic and Connie Neal’s What’s a Christian to Do About Harry Potter.

“The Christian content and continuity with English literature traditions were missing from both books,” Granger wrote to me by email. “I thought … that this symbolism interweaved in the storytelling was largely responsible for the series’ success.” Granger points to links present in the very first book: “A unicorn, a phoenix, a red lion, a Philosopher’s Stone, and a hero rising from the dead after a sacrificial death are all in the first book. All are traditional symbols of Christ.”

When I asked Granger why he thought conservative Christians opposed the book, he said the series’ use of magic suggested to some that there had to be some kind of conflict between the books and faith. “I received some dismissive and patronizing criticism,” he wrote, but “Christian critics largely left me alone because, unlike Abanes and Neal, I argued from English literature and formalist analysis rather than through a biblical filter.”

“Fortunately, all my ideas and understanding were confirmed by the last three books, especially Deathly Hallows,” Granger said.

A copy of a Harry Potter book burns in a bonfire during a protest outside the Christ Community Church December 30, 2001, in Alamogordo, New Mexico. Neil Jacobs/Getty Images

Granger, and many others like him, came out in favor of the books. Christianity Today, which has often been considered the flagship publication of the American evangelical movement, published articles on both sides of the issue but generally took a more positive stance. Some saw the stories — particularly after its conclusion, in which Harry seems to be cast fairly obviously as a Christ figure — as reflecting the biblical story.

Still, the reasons for criticizing the series among those conservative Christians boiled down to two main camps. There were those who condemned the books as conduits to witchcraft, and there were those who viewed them skeptically as being influenced by secularism, potentially undermining Christian values.

There were good reasons both of those camps were so influential, even among those who didn’t read the books themselves, and they have a lot to do with the timing of The Sorcerer’s Stone’s US release, 20 years ago.

In my discussions with those who weren’t allowed to read the books, or who didn’t allow their children to read the books, the idea that the books’ use of magic was tied to the real-world occult seemed strange to many in retrospect, for one big reason: Many of those same children were allowed, even encouraged, to read C.S. Lewis’s Narnia series as well as J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings series. (Some people who grew up in very fundamentalist communities said that even those were off limits, but that seems to be a minority.)

And yet there are a few cultural reasons this particular criticism caught on so powerfully. Most would require a whole book to thoroughly unpack, but two in particular are notable.

First of all, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone was released in the US in 1998 — right on the heels of the Satanic panic.

A rash of false allegations of Satanic ritual abuse of children by cults, made mostly against day care centers during the 1980s, were already being debunked during the ’90s. But the memory of those accusations was still fresh in the minds of many, especially since it continued to be a pop cultural plot point in TV shows and movies.

The lingering sense that some of it could have been true stuck around for years, subconsciously lending plausibility to the idea that Harry Potter and his friends were a subtle attempt to induct children into Satan-worshipping cults or witchcraft-practicing covens. (The common conflation of Satanic worship, the Church of Satan, pagan religions, the occult, witchcraft, and other systems of practice and belief was likely part of this.) The Jack Chick tract referenced above — published in 2002! — is a good example of how the ideas behind the Satanic panic were still alive in some of Christianity’s more fundamentalist wings.

Another reason that Satanic panic-adjacent ideas still held currency by the end of the 1990s may be a pair of popular novels by Christian author Frank Peretti that sold millions of copies: This Present Darkness (1986) and Piercing the Darkness (1989). Both novels told stories of spiritual warfare in which angels and demons were literal characters struggling for the souls of ordinary Americans in a small town.

The books paid particular attention to New Age spiritual practices: Meditation was portrayed as a way for people to become possessed by demons, insidiously pushed upon people by a powerful New Age group that engaged in practices that seem drawn from accounts of Satanic groups. And their special target was children.

It would be a stretch to say that Peretti’s novels were responsible in some way for people’s suspicions of the Harry Potter books. But given their enduring popularity — I checked them out of my own church’s library and read them as a young teen in the mid- to late ’90s — their suggestion that children’s susceptible minds were targets for New Age groups covering for demonic forces certainly supported the idea that a series of fantasy novels for children had the potential to harm those children.

Church members sing as they circle a bonfire burning Harry Potter books outside the Christ Community Church on December 30, 2001, in Alamogordo, New Mexico. Neil Jacobs/Getty Images

And even setting aside the more literalist takes on the occult contained in Peretti’s novels, there’s another factor; books like This Present Darkness, Piercing the Darkness, and the 1992 follow-up Prophet (in which a TV news anchor becomes embroiled in a controversial investigation of a local abortion clinic) spiritualized the culture war that evangelicals in particular were attuned to in the 1980s and ’90s.

That culture war — a battle to shape the values of young Americans through the things they see and experience in culture — has often been a source of fear and frustration for people across the religious and ideological spectrum over the past few decades. But conservative Christians are especially attuned to it, and Peretti’s novels (and others like them) gave the sense that the things you might watch on TV may not just change minds about “hot button” topics — sexuality, gender, abortion, and so on — but also be actual, literal battlegrounds between the forces of good and evil.

Even for parents who didn’t take this quite so literally, a more metaphorical notion of spiritual warfare exerted considerable influence over their decision about what to allow into their children’s lives.

I spoke about this with Nancy Gibson, a conservative evangelical mother who began homeschooling her children in the 2000s. Gibson’s older children didn’t read the Harry Potter novels as they were coming out — the family didn’t outright ban them, she said, but the communities they were part of discouraged people from reading them, mostly under the influence of Focus on the Family. But Gibson’s daughter read the series during the summer after her first year at a Christian college, and her younger daughter, now a teenager, has been reading them, with her parents’ approval.

Gibson told me that it was often simply difficult to know, as a parent in a community that was suspicious of popular culture, what was wise to allow their children to read. Resources like those provided by Plugged In helped navigate that challenge, particularly for those parents who didn’t have time to read the books for themselves.

Gibson’s experience seems aligned with those of many other parents, for whom navigating popular culture is difficult no matter what their religious convictions are. Some parents are more permissive, or are engaged with pop culture in a way that lets them experience it alongside their own children.

But conservative Christians and evangelicals in particular have for decades tended to view mainstream popular culture with suspicion. And in the throes of the late Satanic panic, raging culture wars, and the sense that — even aside from these forces — children were likely being targeted by people opposed to their own values, warnings against Harry Potter presented themselves as a good enough reason to stay away. There was, after all, always Narnia.

I’ve been reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone for the first time while working on this article. I know how the story goes, because by the time the movie series was reaching its conclusion, I was an adult and a working film critic, and I watched them all. (The third one, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, is the best of the bunch.)

But I’d never gotten around to the books, so now I’ve read the first in the series. News flash: It’s pretty delightful. I was surprised by the wit and by the clever characterizations, and I like the careful attention given to building out the world of both Muggles and wizards. I wouldn’t say I’m very invested in it, but it’s fun.

Would I have liked them if I’d read them when they first came out? Probably. In 1998 I was 15, a hopeless bookworm who didn’t watch many movies or TV shows but did read books like This Present Darkness. I had read and reread the Narnia series since I was in third or fourth grade, and I loved the movie versions that sometimes aired on PBS. I wasn’t into fantasy all that much, but Harry’s world feels enough like my own that I would have enjoyed them. And as a conservative Christian teenager, I probably would have found a lot to praise in them — just like many others did.

A customer holds Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at a bookstore after its release at 1:01 am on July 21, 2007, in Berlin. Andreas Rentz/Getty Images

But I didn’t read them. And to my recollection, I never asked my parents to let me, either. Unlike some of my peers, for whom being excluded from Harry’s world meant being excluded from our age cohort’s most important obsession, I don’t really mind. For me, my never having read Harry Potter has always been a point of curiosity more than frustration, much like the fact that, until recently, I’d never seen Titanic. (There’s nudity and a sex scene!)

Many American millennials who grew up in conservative Christian families share plenty of these touchstones, things in pop culture we knew we shouldn’t watch or read or do, or things we thought we should engage with. The Simpsons was bad. A Walk to Remember was good. We kissed dating goodbye. Dungeons & Dragons, the Smurfs, and the Care Bears were bad, as were Cabbage Patch dolls (the rumor was that they were possessed by demons), but we probably read Left Behind. Plenty of young people got rid of their secular music and replaced it with Christian versions. A lot of us spent our evenings every October 31 at a church “harvest party” instead of trick-or-treating. Rejecting a lot of mainstream pop culture was part of who we were.

That speaks strongly, in many ways, to what it meant in the ’90s and 2000s to be a Christian kid or teenager. Many of our associations with our youth — particularly for those of us who grew up evangelical — are more tightly linked to the things in mainstream pop culture we weren’t allowed to experience than to religious experience itself. In banning things like Harry Potter or “secular” music, evangelicals often tried to create alternate cultural products to fill the void.

That tendency hasn’t died off, although there seems to be a higher tolerance among evangelicals and other conservative Christians today for engagement with mainstream secular culture, less about the Plugged In style of tabulating objectionable content and more about analyzing and thinking critically about it.

Even so, a generation of conservative Christian millennials like me arrived at adulthood without having had the same pop culture experiences as many of our peers. Maybe that’s just a symptom of an increasingly niche-driven, fragmented popular culture. But for many I’ve talked to, it’s also a source of sorrow. They miss having had a basis for talking to their peers about something everyone enjoyed — and in the case of Harry Potter, for many, it seems that the thing they were barred from might have, in the end, been one of the most Christian stories produced by mainstream culture in a long time.

Original Source -> I didn’t read Harry Potter when I was growing up. And I wasn’t alone.

via The Conservative Brief

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psychicmayhem replied to your post: i wish it was more socially acceptable for me to...

Isn’t the entire purpose of Tumblr to ramble on about your obsessions? Tell us about them!

i watched this show, called Maou, which was a Japanese adaption of a famous Korean television series (i never watched the Korean original because the kdrama i did see.... wasnt all that inspiring? people always said it was way better but eh? but anyways) about a detective who, back when he was a kid, accidentally killed another boy and got away with it because his parents were super rich and he’s felt guilty about it forever and only became a cop because he wanted to make up for it

but then this new defense lawyer comes to town, and he seems awesome and nice but suddenly all these mysterious accidental manslaughter cases start happening, and literally all the detective’s friends and everyone involved in that death years ago are getting killed, and the lawyer is taking on all these cases because it turns out he was the brother of the boy killed and he’s spent his entire life enacting this complicated revenge scheme and it was SO GOOD. the writing was excellent and there was no clear good guy bad guy and the ending made me sob?? and the lawyer character had this music box that would play ‘over the rainbow’ that he’d open and i literally cant listen to that song without thinking about this show now

also the guy who played the detective (he was in a ton of stuff i loved him) was in this courtroom drama The Witch Trial that i literally adapted into my second NaNoWriMo novel i loved it so much, he was a juror on this murder case where you couldn’t tell if the lady really HAD killed her husband or not, and the twists were actually surprising and not cheap and it was such an intense mystery and i really wish i could like make my friends bingewatch it with me