#I really wish tumblr had a bigger image limit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gyeommark · 5 years

Text

vagary . ii

Chanyeol x Reader Genre: Angst. Fluff. Smut in future parts. Words: 5.5k Warnings: Strong language, mentions of alcohol use. A/N: Now, I’m deeply sorry for the delay, as some might know, I was having some issues but part two is finally here. Didn’t proof read but hope you enjoy (or not hate it, at least)! A/N2: Since tumblr is a b*tch with the links, you can find Vagary’s mini masterlist on my blog along with links to my other works .x

The heaviness in your chest when you woke up threw you off onto an uncertain abyss. A feeling you hadn’t had in a long time. A fluttering nothingness.

You cursed to yourself, knowing very well that you had found yourself at the start of yet another rocky, dark, tormenting path and the welcoming sign had his name and face and, above all else, his endearing smile, all over it.

You judged yourself, trying to comprehend how it was humanly possible to dream of someone you had met only a limited amount of times through out the last month and yet he still haunted every nook and crevice of your mind.

“You’re doing it again…” Baekhyun huffed as he made you trip with his own foot as you two walked down the street after your lessons had ended, later than usual as the starry night looked out over you. You were thankful the day after was your day off.

“I’m doing what again?” You asked, clearly annoyed as you regained your balance and shot him the death glare.

“That thing you do when you’re daydreaming about something. I think they call it ‘smiling stupidly like a puppy begging for treats’… Just that puppies aren’t stupid but you, on the other hand…” Baekhyun laughed at his own joke as he tried to avoid the pinches and jabs you were throwing his way.

“I swear on everything that’s holy that I have no idea what you’re talking about right now”. You tried to shrug it off, sighing. Yes, you knew what he meant but did that mean you were going to admit you were thinking of a man continuously because it made you feel happy; or at least, less miserable, and that said man happened to be that friend of his he had been teasing you with continuously since you met him?

Hell, no. If needed be, you were willing to hold that secret close to your heart until the day you died, take it to your grave and up to heaven or down to hell, whichever way you would go after your passing, that didn’t really matter.

“Mhm… My dashing eyes may be on the smaller side but I’m not blind”. You laughed at Baekhyun’s comment. His confidence and self-esteem was something you strived to and one of the main reasons he was your best friend.

“Maybe not blind, just delusional”. You cackled as you struggled to open the door to your small apartment, hissing curse words under your breath. You made a mental note to call the locksmith to take a look at your front door.

“Hey!” He half yelled, half groaned as he smashed his hand onto the doorframe, blocking your way as he looked intently at you with furrowed brows and pursed lips. “Is it too much to ask to not have you insult me at any chance you get? I was just making an observation”.

As much as you wanted to maintain your offended expression, it was nearly impossible to do so with Baekhyun sporting his guilt-inducing pout. Not that it worked when it came to make you felt guilty, really, but the image of a grown man pouting was ridiculous so, to you, it was kind of funny.

“Well, I mean, delusional is not an insult but rather an adjective as I see it…” You tried to hold back your laugh as you pushed his extended arm out of your way.

“Oh, smarty-pants, I hope you drop your attitude before my showcase or I might as well take you off of my guest list and deprive you of a night filled with free drinks”. He threatened you with a finger pointing at you, dangerously close to your eyes.

“How could I survive?” You cackled as you replied sarcastically at him. “If only I worked as a bartender… Oh, wait”.

Baekhyun’s pout kept getting bigger, the more you talked back at him.

“Continue doing that. You wont get to see your precious Chanyeol boy until god-knows when”.

You wished, at that time, you had more self-control. You wished you could think before feeling and therefore before reacting. But you were either too dumb or too sentimental and, to your dismay, Baekhyun was too perceptive when he put his mind to it.

Maybe he had x-ray vision and he could see your stomach dropping to the ground at the mention of him; maybe he could see the hoards of whatever insect that were flying around your thorax, throwing themselves on to your ribcage, trying to escape. Maybe he could see you biting on the inside of your cheek and, maybe, he could see your heart beating with a fickle pace.

Maybe you were just too blunt. You probably had to work on that.

“Shut up. As far as I’m concerned, he’s your friend, not mine”. You shook your head before turning away from him and threw your bag someone behind your couch, trying to calm yourself down as you felt your hands start to tickle at the mere mention of a man you barely knew.

“Well, as far as I’m concerned, you have far more interest in him than me but whatever…” Baekhyun scoffed and shrugged and you could still feel his eyes glued to your back; somehow, you knew he was smirking but you couldn’t brace yourself to turn around and smack him because you were far too focused on calming yourself down.

“Anyhow… I’ll let you to deal your mushy feelings by yourself”. As soon as you heard the door click closed, you groaned and threw yourself onto your sofa.

You had no idea how much time it had passed, since the lack of light indicated nothing whatsoever. It could either be 10 p.m. or two in the morning. Your sleep scheduled was already messed up so who gave a fuck?

Footsteps from around the corner startled you, yet not enough as to make you stand up.

“What the hell are you still doing here? I heard you come in like three hours ago”. You looked at your roommate, from the corner of your eye as you huffed.

“Too tired to move, Deb”. Besides Baekhyun, your roommate was probably the one who knew you the best, it was a shame they didn’t really get along… Or maybe it was for the best, if they united forces it would be the end for you and, honestly speaking, you weren’t really ready to deal with that.

“Tired from what?” She groaned as she poured herself a glass of water from the sink. “Arguing with your annoying friend over what’s-his-face?”

At her words, you immediately sat up straight, with a deep frown that was almost hurting your face muscles. Once she came back into your field of vision she swallowed her water and looked at you with a confused expression mixed with her remaining sleepiness.

Opposite from you, she had quite the organized life. Going to sleep early, taking morning classes and working part time on the afternoon, five days a week. You somewhat envied her determination and that, somehow, complimented your mess of a life, driven by pure dreams and desires.

“Did you hear that?” You questioned her, almost choking on your own saliva as you wiped your sweaty hands on your jean-covered legs.

“Well, I mean, your friend yells instead of talking, how did you expect me not to hear that?” You huffed, praying that she wouldn’t question you on Chanyeol. “And did you also expect me not to notice how out of it you’ve been? More than usual, I mean. I know its kind of like an artist’s trait but you suddenly started listening to corny songs while taking a shower? It’s kind of annoying but I mean, it’s none of my business”.

You pursed your lips into a hopeless smile, her words a confirmation that you weren’t as discrete as you thought you were and a strong motive for you to stay as far away from Chanyeol as possible.

It shouldn’t be that hard, you thought, he was just a fairly good-looking, charming acquaintance, that was it.

Park Chanyeol might as well become yet another meaningless crush. Like the ones you get when you’re riding the bus or the subway, or when you’re in line to check-out at the grocery store. He might as well be forgotten after a couple days, then again, why was he so rooted into your head after almost a month?

“Are you nervous?” You chuckled as you watched Baekhyun pace around the small excuse of a waiting room that the fancy bar had provided for him. You sipped on a beer, crossing your legs as you followed his restless figure as it moved from one end of the room to the other.

“Me? Nervous? Please, I was born for this” Baekhyun scoffed as he stole a daring glance from you. Where was Mr. Confidence when needed? You laughed at your own thought.

A knock on the door finally made Baekhyun stop on his tracks, you looked at the clock hanging on the wall, wondering if it was one of the staffs coming to tell him that it was his time to go onto the small, questionably stable stage.

You stood up, ready to leave when you saw a head peek from behind the door and immediately, your heart skipped a beat, quickly followed by a self scolding.

“Hey” Chanyeol smiled, messy hair almost covering his eyes, making you tingle all over. You hated the feeling, yet it felt nice at the same time. Bittersweet. “I just wanted to say hi before you went up and tell you to break a leg”. He smiled as he entered the room completely and your heart continued to not listen to your orders.

Baekhyun smiled brightly at him before stealing a glance in your direction.

“Remember my friend?” Baekhyun said, basically pulling you towards Chanyeol, you pursed your lips. “You could keep her company tonight, she’s bitter and doesn’t really talk to a lot of people unless forced to”.

Chanyeol chuckled and you wanted to look away from the dimple on his cheek but it was almost hypnotizing, drawing you in, making you angry at yourself for falling down that spiraling tunnel.

“How could I forget?” Chanyeol looked at you with his warm eyes and you had to remember how to smile but not too much at the same time. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep her safe”. Chanyeol chuckled as he extended an arm in your direction and grabbed you by your shoulder, pulling you closer to him.

You wanted to sneak a peek but then again, that might make you stare. It was dangerous to do anything when it was around him. You were starting to think that even the most mundane of things, like opening your mouth would end up on you doing something idiotic, like forgetting how to close your jack back up and then finding yourself with a damp spot on your shirt.

Yes, it was stupid but you couldn’t deny the possibility of it happening, unfortunately.

Breathing was, also, something so foreign to you at that moment; it was ridiculous that some man could have that effect on you.

Baekhyun’s eyes flickered between you and his giant friend and you could see that glint of mischievousness on his eyes, knowing that he’d tease you even more after tonight yet, Chanyeol’s gentle touch on your shoulder made you push that annoyance to the back of your head, getting lost in the tingling sensation that started at the pit of your stomach and threatened to invade the rest of your body in slow, torturously bubbly tides.

They started joking carelessly after that, as if nothing happened, as if you weren’t basically running out of oxygen and turning blue, as if Chanyeol’s hand wasn’t still lying on your shoulder carelessly.

A man’s voice called Baekhyun out a few minutes after and you three walked out the room and you managed to shrug off Chanyeol’s hand, not because you wanted to loose contact but because you didn’t want to die, not yet, at least.

Two months. Almost two months was all it took for you to realize you were fucked. Close to sixty days was all you needed to develop some sort of ‘feeling’ towards Chanyeol. You didn’t know if it was just the excitement of having someone new in your life, someone who shared some of your ideas, some of your points of view; someone whose presence felt like a cozy blanket around you and a cup of warm chocolate between your hands.

Chanyeol felt comfortable and a simple graze of his hand on your shoulder was all it took for you to realize that your mind couldn’t escape Park Chanyeol.

You sat opposite from him on the small table, trying to keep as much distance from him as possible. A part of you wanted to be close to him though, brush your knee against his accidentally and just live off of that because that was probably as much as you could get and you would be fine with that, but you also didn’t want to seem desperate.

You picket at the skin around your nails, trying to ignore the silence that fell upon you in, even in the moderately loud ambience, trying to ignore his eyes practically burning a hole on your cheek as you scanned the stage, waiting for Baekhyun to appear.

Another bottle of beer suddenly appearing before your eyes surprised you, you looked at the waiter with confusion painted over your face yet you still mouthed a polite thank you before looking at Chanyeol, questioning him silently.

“Wouldn’t want to mix alcohols tonight, would we?” Chanyeol chuckled, half yelling at you. Such a simple action, him noticing how you were drinking beer at the waiting room was all it took for your heart to fly away to another dimension. You cursed under your breath, and even then, you couldn’t suppress the smile on your lips.

“Thank you”. You yelled back, struggling to catch your breath. Chanyeol smiled back and you wanted to tell him to not do that, that it was hard enough for you to just have him there but, of course, that wouldn’t be appropriate of you.

“You and Baekhyun seem quite close”. Chanyeol said after a couple minutes, leaning over the table. Your legs trembled seeing how his body got closer to you.

“He’s like an annoying brother, you could say” You laughed, looking at the stage once more, forcing your eyes away from Chanyeol’s face, flawlessly illuminated by the blue and pink lights, making him look even more endearing.

“He’s always had a pretty good taste when it comes to his friends, if I do say so myself”. Chanyeol chuckled and raised his eyebrows at you as he saw you gulping down on your beer, little did he know you were just doing that to avoid yourself from giggling like a dumbass, in reality, the alcohol consumption would only make things worse, but it was the only solution you could come up with at the moment.

“We’ll see… I’m still unsure about that”. That was what riled you up about yourself, how sometimes you couldn’t just stay quiet and couldn’t filter your thoughts. You weren’t sure if you said that to appear cold hearted or if you were saying it to sound flirty but Chanyeol’s eyebrows shooting upwards for a millisecond and him smirking as he leaned in even closer to you made you think it probably sounded like the latter.

“Oh, a doubtful one”. He chuckled, sipping on his beer before smiling widely at you. “I see how it is, then”. By that moment, you had already grown accustomed to the non-stop pounding coming from inside your chest, making your ribcage tremble with anticipation.

“You see, I barely know you, so…” You squinted your eyes at him before shrugging and mirrored his position as you leaned your elbows on the table, reducing the distance between you. A dangerous decision, indeed.

“Maybe you should get to know me better, then, and I will gladly prove you wrong”. Speechless due to his smooth answer, you refrained yourself and just smiled.

The lights dimmed right in that moment, something you didn’t know if you were grateful for or angry at, but then you saw Baekhyun taking his place in the middle of the small stage and you clapped and yelled loudly, remembering that the reason you were here was because of your friend and not because of Chanyeol, although your mind and heart still had a bit of trouble figuring that out.

“To Baekhyun”. Chanyeol said as he scooted his stool closer to you and tipped his beer bottle in your direction. You smiled, clinking your bottle to his before taking a sip and even then, the corners of your mouth were never able to return to their normal position.

Baekhyun’s voice took over the atmosphere at the crowded bar, it even muffled the murmur of people talking over the sound of the loud music, his voice was the type that was strong yet sweet at the same time, and you smiled even wider than you were doing before.

In the sense that you were happy and proud of him, not that it was that important, because who were you to have an important opinion anyways? But you still felt happy and proud of your friend’s accomplishments, and most of all, his happiness was contagious so, if Baekhyun was happy, so were you and if he was not… Well, if that was the case, he only turned into an annoying human being, period.

“He’s killing it”. You mumbled, realizing a little too late that you were thinking out loud and that there was still a certain presence next to you. Your eyes widened for a split second before giggling nervously as you drank yet another sip of your beer as you stole some looks form the corner of your eye.

Chanyeol laughed silently, as his shoulders moved up and down a little bit, just accentuating the fact that he, apparently, had a thing for working out and wearing tight black shirts.

“You have a nice smile”. You almost choked, putting down the bottle and looking at him with squinted eyes.

“And you have a loose mouth”. You scoffed, standing up and patting his shoulder unceremoniously. “I will need more alcohol for this”. You blurted out as you stepped away and practically rushed to the busy bar, too nervous to wait for a waiter to come around and take your order.

It was like having your body, mind and heart divided into two in the most obvious annoying manner. Chanyeol wasn’t making things easier on you, if anything, every single one of your inner issues had been enhanced ever since you realized you might have developed some sort of chemical reaction called ‘attraction’ towards him.

One half of your whole being was set on acting cold and quick-witted towards him, maybe that way he’d step away before it got too much to handle, yet the other part was almost falling apart at the mere thought of being close to him, seeing him smile or laugh at whatever you said, telling you sweet nothings that most likely meant nothing.

So, your response, -or getaway if you may- to all this was that of every responsible adult out there: alcohol. Curse your sarcastic, yet overly attached nature.

Well into Baekhyun’s second song, you were still standing at the bar waiting for your next round of beer. You locked eyes with your friend as he smiled widely while singing, earning an exaggerated thumbs up from your part. It was okay, it felt nice to forget the frenzy of his presence even if it was for just a couple minutes.

You turned around when you heard the mature looking bartender call you to hand you your two bottles of beer but then, when you turned around again, ready to head back to your torture spot, you felt something falling with a thud inside of your chest; nothing hurt, not really, there was just a hint of heaviness inside of you when you saw a new person sitting on the chair that used to be yours until just a few minutes ago.

But what enhanced the feeling wasn’t the new companionship but the fact that he seemed to be acting exactly the same towards her than he was doing with you before. Then again, who were you to feel special?

That’s when everything started to go downhill, more so than before. That’s when you realized you heart was starting to feel something towards someone you barely knew. That’s when you realized you were fucked up. If Chanyeol was truly insignificant for you, you wouldn’t have felt the thud when you saw him smiling and laughing with his glistening, round, puppy eyes and prominent dimple over something another woman was saying.

If Chanyeol was truly no one, you wouldn’t have cared, you would’ve just walked back to him and greeted the new acquaintance with a smile. But that wasn’t the case, your whole weight fell to your ankles and you hesitated on your spot.

Would you put yourself out there to potentially get your little, naïve heart broken or just leave and pretend nothing happened? Would you leave Baekhyun alone when he counted on you just because things didn’t turn out the way you were expecting with a man you could only, foolishly, crush on?

Hell no, but were you about to endure all that with a sober body? Again, hell no.

“You know what, give me a shot”. You said as you waved to the bartender, who only laughed a little before pouring you your clear looking and who stared at you with pursed lips as you downed it in one go, without a single flinch.

You took a deep breath, holding a bottle in each hand as you walked back to the table, trying your very best to maintain a poker face as got nearer and nearer to the pair who had made you take a stupid tequila shot.

Whether you liked to admit it or not, whoever the female was, she was good looking yet too petite for your taste, specially sitting next to Chanyeol. She raised her eyebrows at you, probably wondering who you were and what the hell you were doing there, interrupting their deep conversation. Hence the sarcasm, you were feeling bitter, so much it even translated onto your thoughts and probably your uncontrollable facial expressions, as well.

Chanyeol followed his friend’s stare until his eyes fell upon you again, maybe he had forgotten you were there and you wouldn’t be surprised, if you were being honest.

“Ah…”. He stuttered as he stood up, almost jumping and knocking down his stool in the process. His eyes frantically traveling from you to the other female. You tried to put the best, fakest smile you could. Not that you cared anymore, but you had to be polite, for Baekhyun’s sake. “Jiae, this is Baekhyun’s friend I was telling you about”. Chanyeol said with a smile as he introduced you two.

Maybe it was what the call the female sixth sense, or maybe you were too sensitive, or maybe it was that shot already having its scary effect on you, but you were convinced she already hated you.

Was that a reflection of what you were feeling, though? No, of course, you had barely met her, hate was a strong word. Dislike, on the other hand…

“Nice to meet you”. You pursed your lips onto a smile as you sat at the other side of the table, facing her as you pushed one of your beer bottles towards her. “Here, you can have it”. She gave you a small smile as she took the bottle in her hand.

Could that have been considered hypocrisy? You weren’t sure. You just didn’t want to make it obvious that you weren’t comfortable anymore, maybe your actions would backfire, then again, you didn’t give a single shit anymore.

After another ten minutes or so, as Baekhyun was taking a break somewhere backstage and you were almost finished with your second beer, you felt her eyes on you. You turned to see her with your eyebrows raised, trying your best not to appear arrogant.

“How long have you known Baekhyun?” She asked, smile not quite reaching her eyes. You cleared your throat as you leaned back. Her presence repelled you, exactly the opposite of how you felt when it was only Chanyeol and you alone. Chanyeol who had been far too quiet since you came back to the table.

“Couple years or so, I’m not sure”. You mumbled, hoping she wouldn’t hear you and she’d just let the forced conversation die without much effort.

“Funny, I haven’t met you before”. You had to take a deep, discrete, breath in order to maintain the rest of your questionably sober sanity in place and not let it disappear in resentment’s hands.

“Baekhyun doesn’t really introduces me to his friends, he fears they might like me better”. You said, almost chuckling when you heard the distant sound of Chanyeol’s stifling a laugh. Whether that was a good or a bad sign, you weren’t sure.

Once Baekhyun’s presentation was done and the loudness of the bar hit your ears at full volume once again, you felt like it was too much to handle so when you caught your friend walking over in your direction, you stood up once again, with the excuse of getting more drinks.

Chanyeol looked at you with wide eyes, mirroring your actions.

“Please, let me, you should keep her company”. You smiled, probably pouring too much bile on to your words, probably not. However he might interpret them was clearly not up to you anymore.

Baekhyun stopped on his tracks as he was just a less than a meter away from you and followed you suit once you were halfway to the counter, yet again.

“I see you’ve met Jiae”. Baekhyun chuckled, leaning his elbows on the slightly wet surface as you silently asked for another round of beers to the bartender, putting up four fingers in the process. “Isn’t she lovely?”

“If this is you trying to be funny, I’m sorry to disappoint but I’m not picking up on your humor right now”. You scoffed, trying to avoid eye contact as you also tried to avoid the painful rumbling in your chest.

Jealousy was a scary, funny thing, especially when you were too stubborn to acknowledge it in the first place.

“Okay, so the bitter evil twin is out to play now, I get it”. Baekhyun chuckled, emotionlessly as he copied your stance. “Should I have mentioned her existence before to spare me the burning and scarring your words are causing on my skin and soul?” Baekhyun raised his eyebrows as he took a hand to his chest, mocking an inexistent pain.

“Why would you? It’s not like I should be interested on your friend’s life, anyways”. You mumbled, and even with the loud music and ambiance, Baekhyun was able to hear you perfectly fine, to your disgrace.

“Listen, you can pretend all you want with everyone else, act like the Ice Queen or whatever, but you’re never going to fool me. So what’s the deal if you admit you like someone? It’s not like the world’s going to end because of that, it’s a human thing… You meet someone, you like someone, maybe you date, maybe you don’t; maybe you just become fuck buddies, what’s the big deal”.

Baekhyun shrugged, stealing a glance from you, probably scared you would jump on his throat due to his accusing comments.

“The human reasonable thing to do here would be stepping away when someone you like, likes someone else, and actually has someone else. Chanyeol is a platonic crush and I won’t interfere with whatever he has going on with that Jiae girl; I don’t have the time nor the patience for that kind of drama”.

It was Baekhyun’s turn to scoff as he shook his head in either annoyance or disbelief.

“Here’s a friendly comment from your most professional, caring advisor. Chanyeol is a peculiar man with peculiar taste, a peculiar man who rarely opens up with anyone. If he, for whatever reason, chooses to talk to someone and get to know them is because that someone has sparked something in him… Then again, the relationship between him and Jiae is still a mystery to everyone because, like I said, he has like a phobia to opening up… Take that as you wish, it was just a comment”.

You looked at him with a slight frown and pursed lips as your beers appeared before you along with another shot, a glass you didn’t ask for but apparently there was an unspoken of, bartender psychic ability to spot an annoyed person.

“Please keep your friendly comments at bay when you know they won’t help and will just make things worse”. You huffed, turning around with Baekhyun trailing close behind you.

“So… Does that mean you like like Chanyeol?” You groaned, downing the shot and leaving the empty glass on an empty table that came across your way.

“Let’s act like I don’t, for everyone’s sake”. You shook your head as you looked down at your feet, trying not to trip over someone else’s feet, or your own, for that matter. The mixing of beer and tequila was something you weren’t approving of, then again, it was the best to drown your sorrows on. Unless they were too unbearable and then you had to add vodka to the mix.

Thankfully you weren’t there yet.

Yet.

You were a martyr but not a drunken one, thankfully. Or maybe you just loved to play the victim role.

You saw Chanyeol looking over his shoulder, he seemed quieter than before. Jiae had her arms crossed over her chest as she analyzed the now empty stage. Maybe she should’ve done that when Baekhyun was on, instead of having her eyes fixed on you, trying to burn a hole through your throat.

Meeting eyes with someone was a dangerous thing, regardless of the situation. Words were less than needed when two pairs of eyes met and, in this case, you wished you could’ve avoided Chanyeol’s gaze because it only made your chest feel heavier than it already was and it made your legs tremble more than they were already doing; no amount of alcohol could even come close to the effect Chanyeol’s dark eyes had on you and you wanted to reboot yourself, put a chip in your system that would prevent you from liking a man you’ve met less than five times before.

Chanyeol pursed his lips onto a thin, undecipherable smile as he stepped aside from his chair, extending an arm on the inanimate object’s direction.

“Take a seat, we’re short on seats”. His voice was low, raspier than usual. You cleared your throat before shaking your head a couple times and placing the two bottles you were holding on the table, a bit too strongly than necessary.

“I will share with Baekhyun”. You said back, an emotionless façade taking over your expressions.

It was easier keeping your distance than dealing with the overflowing, confusing emotions.

Once Baekhyun caught up to your comment, he nodded quickly, awkwardly sitting on one half of the stool as you took your place next to him.

Chanyeol was a tornado, your heart and mind were a house with a weak foundation and a lack of insurance. He had swap you off your feet only to drag you back down a bit too harshly to your liking, then again, there was nothing that needed to be said when you knew you had been the one to make a mistake.

The mistake of idealizing someone you only knew the name of but you couldn’t help the gravitational pull he seemed to have on you.

It would’ve been easier if you had never met his eyes. It would have been easier if you wouldn’t have gotten lost on his charming smile and sweet, smart speech.

It would’ve been easier if there was no Jiae but you knew there was a code. Whatever relationship they had, it was none of your business and you knew you shouldn’t interfere so you just smiled, a forced, surrendered smile.

You didn’t expect Chanyeol to notice, at that point you had forced yourself to admit that he would be the epitome of platonic in your life and that you had to be okay with it. You didn’t expect him to smile back at you with the same smile, he looked defeated and apologetic but you forced yourself to disregard him.

It was the logical, reasonable thing to do but Chanyeol’s mere presence made you question every decision and thought that ever crossed your mind and apparently, everyone in that table noticed it as well.

#chanyeol scenarios #chanyeol scenario #chanyeol fanfic #chanyeol fanfiction #chanyeol angst #chanyeol fluff #exo fanfic #exo fanfiction #exo scenarios #exo scenario #gyeommark writes #vagary

97 notes · View notes

greetingfromthedead · 5 years

Text

Loki - Even in Death

Reader gender: Neutral

Summary: Thor wasn’t the only one to survive after Thanos’ attack on the ship and now you have just one mission in mind.

Author’s note: Hello! Maybe someone still remembers me… I’m the shitty Marvel writer. It’s been quite a while since I last wrote something. This is somewhat all over the place and is a bit longer than my usual stuff, but it’s just something that got stuck in my head. Plus I just really didn’t want to study for my exams :D

Author’s note 2 (rant): So apparently something has changed in the way Tumblr decides to show tags in searches. I can’t add any pictures to this text (I loved using special dividers + I always added a relevant picture), I also can’t link to anything (like my masterlist or tagging information). Basically Tumblr is just making it harder for me to like it anymore as it just limits my creativity.

***

You still hear the alarm ringing throughout the spaceship as you guide the Asgardians to the escape pod. Women and children are running for their life to get off this ship as something much bigger and very hostile looms over all of you.

The escape pod is filled to the prim, but half of the people are still on the main ship. You look with panic and worry, at the people who won’t fit into the pod and decide to do your best to protect them. You go up to Valkyrie and take her hand.

“Get these people as far away from here as possible, keep them safe.” you say and also look at Korg behind her. “Stay with them, they have to live.”

“Come with us. There aren’t many warriors amongst us, help us keep them safe.” Valkyrie demands, but you just shake your head.

“I have to try and fight here so maybe we get to live another day, these people here don’t deserve to die. Now stop wasting time and go.” your voice ice cold as you let go of her hand and push the release button next to the pod. It closes its doors and prepares to release from the main ship. With a heavy heart you watch them go knowing very well that everyone remaining on this ship is very likely going to die, including you… and Loki.

You draw your black bladed sword and make your way through the crowd who has fallen completely silent. You can hear fighting in the main hall behind the metal doors. You raise your weapon and are ready to strike. Just a moment later the doors open and a strange pale face greets you with the slightest hint of a smile.

“There you are,” the smooth voice says.

You sarge in with full force, but the figure just waves with his hand and metal wires from the ceiling bend and quickly wrap you up even covering your mouth. Your sword falls to the ground as you are pulled against a wall with no hope of escaping.

One by one the figure starts killing the people you swore to protect. You couldn’t watch this blood bath and nobody could hear your muffled screams over the panicked and afraid shouting. You close your eyes, but the noise alone is enough to make you want to vomit.

When the deed is done the figure walk out the door leaving you alone alive. You can hear voices talking somewhere in the distance, but the shouts of the wounded and the afraid are gone, meaning that they are all dead. Your face is wet with tears of grief. You don’t try to listen for the voices, you know everyone’s fate is already sealed.

Suddenly and without warning the wires holding you back loosen and you fall to the ground. You pick up your sword and run out the doors. You see glowing purple cracks appear all around you. Purple flames engulf your surroundings as you make it to the main hall. The last thing you can see before the ship blows to pieces is Thor crying over the body of his brother.

***

The sun shines brightly over the green fields, the river can barely be heard over the sound of blades clashing together.

“You have all your little tricks, but I’m still better than you,” you tease.

“You seem so sure about that,” the says as he pulls out two knives out of thin air and charges at you again, but you deflect his attack and even smack him lightly in the face with your free hand. Suddenly you are surrounded by an army of Lokis and you look around trying to find the real one.

“Your projections can’t hurt me, I just have to stab every single one of them until I find the real you,” you smile.

“Yes, but in the mean time I can sneak up on you,” his voice whispers in your ear as he wraps his arms around you. You let your sword fall to the ground and you turn around. He places his hands on your neck and kisses you. His lips leave a burning trace down your neck.

Suddenly you knock him over, he loses his balance and falls.

“You fight dirty,” he says with a hint of admiration.

“You already knew that,” you smile.

You push him on his back before sitting on him and kissing him, stroking your fingers through his hair.

***

You wake up on a lumpy bed, your body hurts as you sit up. You look at your damaged armour and everything is covered in ash and blood. You look around and see that you are on a spaceship. Everything starts to flood back to you, the image of your dead love burned into your eyelids.

You get up and limp to the door of the little windowless room. To your surprise it is open and you walk down the hall till you get to a big room. There is no furniture there, but on the floor there are uneven lumps covered with fabric and you realise these must be the fallen Asgardians. You look at the rows of bodies and are reminded of your grief. You can’t bare to look anymore so you turn around and head for the exit, but suddenly there’s a loud whistle. You see a Yaka Arrow hovering in front of your face.

“Who are you?” a voice asks.

“Y/n, an Asgardian warrior,” you say.

“What happened to your people?”

“They were murdered.”

“By who?”

“Thanos,” you almost growl that name.

You turn around and see a scruffy looking man.

“Who are you?”

“My name’s Kraglin,” the man answers.

“Thank you.”

“What for?”

“For giving the dead some decency and for saving me.”

“Well, you did almost join them and I couldn’t just leave them there. I just wish I were closer when I received the distress call.”

He whistles again and the arrow flies to him.

“You’ve already done so much for me, but I have to ask a little more. Do you have an escape pod I could borrow? I will repay you.”

***

“Oh, did I offend you, my prince?” you ask in a serious manner.

“Yes, very much, my dear.” His expression looks stern, but you can see through it, you see the actual joking kindness he has towards you.

“Then I’m very sorry, your highness,” you bow and laugh.

Loki takes your hands and with a smile he pulls you closer. He places his right hand on your waste. His fingers play with yours for a moment before intertwining. Loki leads as the two of you slow dance to a melody sounding from far in the distance.

“I wish it could stay like this forever,” you sigh, “Where our biggest trouble is me stealing the last pastry from under your nose.”

“Why do you think it can’t stay like this?” Loki asks as he looks at your expression.

“Because I can feel a war coming.”

***

You wake up in the small spacecraft you had stolen after getting denied by the Xandarian. Looking around in the small space you can tell that this was stolen before you got your hands on it.

Your body still aches from your injuries, but there’s no time to lose. You had already set your course and you can see that you are getting close. In just a couple more hours you find the gateway to the Lost Lands and land at the Sinner’s Market. You get out of your spacecraft and venture through the crowded streets. All kinds of creatures are here to sell you their sinister goods, but you had only one goal so you find the little storefront and walk in. You are greeted by all kinds of potions and magical trinkets. The blue skinned storekeeper smiles a toothless grin as he sees you.

“Do you have what we discussed?” you ask in his native tongue.

He takes two small vials from under the table and hands them to you.

“And this will work?” You demand as you look at the little potions.

“Most likely.”

“You are in luck today as “most likely” will have to do,” you say as you place a bag of money on the counter before leaving.

***

You lay in his arms. Loki’s hands holding yours. He moves his head closer till his lips are by your ear.

“I still think we should leave. I still think you should marry me.” he whispers.

You feel your heat ache. This is the second time he has brought this up after the big proposal.

“You know I can’t. You know why,” you say with sadness.

“Because you are part of the Asgardian elite force? There’s a simple solution - leave with me. You are my only light in this life. You hate this hell as much as I do. Let’s just leave, we could concur all of the nine realms and the rest of the multiverse and call it ours if we wanted to.”

“I hate the throne, I hate the politics, but I gave an oath to protect the people. They have done nothing to harm me and if protecting them means I cannot wed, so be it. A big ceremony doesn’t affect my love for you. Does it for you?” you turn your head to look at him.

“No, it doesn’t. I will love you the same. No matter what happens.” He gives you a kiss on the cheek.

***

You let your ship just drift in the fast emptiness of space as you sit on your chair and look at the vial in your hand. You take the cap off before putting it on your lips and drinking the sweet liquid. You feel the poison taking it’s toll on your body. You feel everything in you struggle, but the potion stretches out to every nook and cranny inside you and everything fades to black as it shuts you down.

You find yourself in a field. The long grass swaying in the wind. The sky of Valhalla painted with gold and rose colours. You are alone if it wasn’t for one other person. You take a step closer.

“My love?” you call out to the figure and Loki turns around.

“No, you can’t be here,” he comes closer, “Not so soon, you can’t be dead too.”

You approach him and stretch out your arms to hug him, but there’s a wall between the two of you.

“It’s not your time yet, it cannot be,” he says.

“Don’t worry, it is not. I just had to be sure you’re here,” you smile as you look into his brilliant eyes.

You feel a force pulling you away again, pulling you away from the wall, from your love.

“I will see you again, I promise,” you say before finding yourself back in your spacecraft.

The poison had brought you close enough to death to visit the land of the fallen, but now it retreats again until it is nothing more than just an empty feeling in your stomach.

***

You walk behind your spacecraft and open the storage compartment. You drag out the Asgardian. You push him back down when he tries to stand.

“Why? What have I done to you?” the man says not looking up at you.

“You are a murderer, a thief, and a traitor,” you say.

“Odin pardoned me after I acted as a spy for him,” he says, you hear the terror in his voice.

“Odin is dead, Asgard has fallen, half of our people were killed. Rules don’t apply anymore. And you have not earned forgiveness.”

You take the top of of the other potion you had brought with you from the Sinner’s market and force the criminal to drink it.

“Please, no, let me live,” he begged.

But you simply take your dagger and slit his throat. The man’s lifeless body falls to the ground with a thump and as his body turns into golden shimmer, but it changes colour to be green before disappearing. In it’s place a golden shimmering portal appears. and Loki steps through the gateway back into the realm of the living. He seems aghast as he looks at his hands. Then he turns his attention to you, he reaches out to touch you.

“Is this real?” he strokes your cheek.

“I did give you a promise,” you smile as you place your hand on his.

Loki steps closer and embraces you, kissing the top of your head and then pulling away just to kiss your lips.

“But how?” he asks.

“I damned an Asgardian soul to a eternity in Hel,” you say remembering the man you had killed just moments ago.

“I love you more than anything,” he says, his voice heavy with emotion.

“Then let’s get married,” you smile.

He still holds you, but suddenly it feels as if your stomach dropped, an uneasiness takes over and gives you just enough time to ask:

“My love…?”

You don’t get to finish asking if he feels it too, if he knows what’s happening. You just turn into dust in his arms and all Loki can do is watch in horror as the wind blows your remains away.

***

Sadly I can’t link to my masterlist here or the post won’t show up in search, but you can find it on blog page.

***

Taglist

@spookycatqueen @jdm-is-dad @kbarnes-2001 @thefallenbibliophilequote @honey-anon @chris-evans-teamcap @justaplainfangirl @obsessed--with

#marvel #loki x reader #infinity war #ragnarok #avengers #thor #odinson #fanfiction #endgame #the dark world #mcu #guardianwrites

26 notes · View notes

ka-star · 6 years

Text

Thoughts and personal opinion on GN Taako’s design

Forewarning; this post is going to cover a topic that I had thought has died off a while ago, but I’ve come across a post that bring it back up again. I want to be clear; this is my own personal opinion on the issue and I am not saying I’m going to be right or wrong, but rather I’m going to go over what I found and show some examples of both sides to the augment. Anything I said should not be taken as truth but simply as my take on the topic and I only wish that anyone that reads this looks up the information themselves and comes to their own conclusion.

If there was one thing that kept coming up over and over again during the wait for the TAZ graphic novel, it would be the designs for the three main characters, or rather, it would be the design that was picked for Taako. Yes, I’m talking about the fact that he has blue (or at least bluish skin) in the book. The reason I’m bringing this up is due to a post I found while browsing the TAZ tag on here today. There are still some people that feel that the design choice is anti-Semitic, and that it’s something that still needs to be ‘fixed’.

I will start with this; I can see why some people might think this. I have heard of idea of Jews being depicted with blue skin and in a negative light. I’ve heard of this, but I’ve been having trouble finding a reliable source to it. I most I could find was a Reddit post about the same topic, with some links to Twitter from people that either supported it or were against it.

Click here for that post.

While I was looking through the posts and what people thought, I wanted to keep a few things in mind. One was which was the type of people this was bothering. Again, I can see why a Jewish person might feel uneasy about this, but as I read through I noticed how most of the people being on the side against it tended to be young, around 15 to 18, at least the ones that would have that information on their Twitter or Tumblr. Some were a little older, but most of the time it was around those ages. Another thing I noticed was the use of images of green witches (with pointy hats, noses, etc) as proof the argument, along with the original claim of ‘blue skin = anti-Semitic”.

Let me slow this down for a second, because there are other factors that are not being talked about here that I feel need to be brought up.

Rarely, if ever, do any of this post against this topic talk about the fact that Taako has been described as a High Elf (or just Elf in the GN), and if you were to google High Elves from Dungeons and Dragons you would see that they are normally shown to have ‘pointy’ features; nose, ears, chin, etc. Some don’t, but most of the artwork I’ve seen of them from D&D do.

Taako is a Wizard, and like many other fantasy characters in other fantasy stories, you will find wizards depicted with robes and pointed hats. It’s just a classic image that is not limited to just witches.

Okay, so what about skin color? That is where things get tricky, because much like the topic about whether Taako’s skin should be blue, there was an even hotter discussion about whether or not he should have been drawn with brown skin. I’m sure some of you will know what I’m talking about here, because it is still something a lot of fans will say they wish we got. Having Taako with brown colored skin played into the idea that he would then be seen as a Latino character, and that, much like the blue skin, caused some controversy.

The reasons for that was because of his name and because of some of his character traits. Taako’s name is, well, based on tacos, the Mexican food (which was picked as a joke from Justin long before the McElroys realized TAZ was going to take off, and he never intended any harm in it). The second point (and this is more troublesome), is the fact that Taako is known to loot money, either from dead bodies or trick it out of other characters. If he was depicted to look like a Latino character, some felt that would reflect badly on actual Latinos, at least that’s what I’ve read.

I really need to go back to the D&D element here and remind some people of something; when you play D&D, it would be stupid to NOT loot the dead bodies of enemies you kill, or not to trick someone out of some gold. Depending on the character you are playing, that may be part of their character, and there may be a good reason for it. I bring this up because I think a lot of the people that spoke out about this haven’t played D&D, or at the every least forget that is what the McElroys were doing.

So we have the final design for GN Taako with bluish skin, and we’re back to where I started with this post, only this time is focused on it being an anti-Semitic thing and nothing to do with Latinos. I also want to bring up, again, that most of the people I’ve found that were against this were around the ages of 15 to early 20s, and the possibility that these people may not even play D&D and not know about what High Elf features look like.

So, what is my take on all of this? I feel like the people saying that the look for GN Taako is anti-Semitic are not counting the other factors I just mentioned, or maybe they choose not to at all. I think they may be hyper focusing on one thing when in reality it’s simply a coincident, and they are over exaggerating something that I don’t think a lot of fans would have even thought of in the first place. It’s overblown, is what I’m saying. And frankly, the fact that a lot of these people are the ages I’ve mentioned tells me they’re letting their own emotions get the best of them, and not thinking more rationally on the why, and doing their own research and coming to their own conclusion. They’re looking for a reason to hate something when there very well may not be anything worth hating.

And if some of you reading this didn’t already know, yes, there are such things as blue skin elves in D&D.

In the end, it feels all like a gray area to me; if it does bother some people, okay. I get it; but don’t be the sort of person that focuses so much on just one facet that you lose the bigger picture. We have enough of that on the internet as it is.

#TAZGN #Taako #the adventure zone #serious post

8 notes · View notes

brianna-lei · 7 years

Text

Anonymous Butterfly Soup asks, batch 6

IT’S RIGHT NEXT TO THE BIG TOBLERONE I’M ALIVE

Being covered by a big gaming news site was one of my fantasies, so I’m elated this happened. The article is here, for anyone curious!

More asks under the cut!!

A note before I start -- if you submitted a bug, I saw it!! Thank you for reporting them!

Yes, she did! Her Facebook profile pic is her posing in front of a store at the mall, and you can see Jun’s reflection taking the pic in the store window

Akarsha didn’t realize, but Noelle totally heard it. Noelle kind of had a sense of what was up already, but actually hearing it worried her. She was debating whether or not to intervene when Min showed up.

On a small note, Min trying to cheer Akarsha up slightly improved Noelle’s opinion of Min (even though Min and Akarsha almost end up fist fighting again afterward).

Min plays video games too, imagine them playing Team Fortress 2 and later Overwatch together... Diya, Min, and Noelle have all seen some basic anime like Pokemon, Digimon, and Yugioh, but Akarsha’s the only real hardcore anime fan. I’m glad she met “Sakura”, “Yuki”, and Ester through the baseball club, because now she has weeb friends to talk about that stuff too.

(Ester is less obvious about liking anime than “Sakura” and “Yuki”, but you can still tell by her outfit’s style. Lowkey but not lowkey enough)

I can totally relate to all of them, but I’d say Diya!

Yes, they grow close over the course of the year and Noelle has to try really hard not to cry LMAO They still keep in touch afterward.

Yep, they both feel this huge gulf between themselves and their parents due to cultural differences. Many Asian immigrant parents are extremely conservative so it feels like they’re on a completely different wavelength from you, and at the same time they have complete power over you. It’s kind of a bad feeling.

...Also, shadowing their faces saved me the work of drawing their different facial expressions.

Min was actually out of town when the fire happened, so Diya had to call her and tell her what happened :( Diya (and eventually Min) sleeps on Noelle’s couch for a bit. Noelle and Akarsha aren’t living together at the time and Noelle has the nicer/cleaner apartment

It sounds really miserable, but they’re ok in the end

Noelle's passion is math and science, so she definitely ends up doing something in STEM that she likes, just not what her parents were expecting. Akarsha is similar and becomes a software engineer -- They’re actually both naturally interested in those subjects, which says a lot about how bad the parental pressure really is.

I like to think Diya and Min actually manage to break into minor league baseball and eventually MLB

Most of my outfit inspiration comes from my tumblr/twitter feeds. I wish I could recommend you fashion blogs, but I’m not following any?! They’re all just fandom mutuals who randomly reblog cool clothes sometimes.

I used to have trouble deciding what clothes characters should wear, so every time I see an image of a cool outfit I save it for reference. After doing this since high school I now have...uh...

And those are just the unorganized ones, the ones i have in folders are like...

Now if I’m stumped for what a character should wear, I just browse these massive folders for inspiration. I can actually pinpoint the omocat jacket that gave me the idea for Min’s:

I thought, “it should be a warning: high voltage sign on the back!”, and then I just went on Google images and looked them up.

Sorry if this isn’t helpful!

I don’t think Min really minds, but The Squad is even better! Deke squad

Yeah, Akarsha’s parents wouldn’t approve either. Out of the main four, Diya is actually the only one whose parents are fine with it

Ooh thank you this is an awesome compliment to receive!!

I REALLY want to make merch some day! I’ve never made physical merch before and I’m a bit intimidated not knowing where to start/how to handle shipping, so it may take a while, though :(

I didn’t give anyone last names and I doubt I ever will, sorry! Feel free to give them your own if you want

This was intentional, but at the same time I can’t believe everyone IMMEDIATELY noticed. You guys are so in tune with 4/20

Diya and Akarsha are Indian, Min-seo is Korean, Noelle is Taiwanese, Chryssa is black, Liz is…mostly Irish, I think? “Sakura” is Pakistani, “Yuki” is Filipino. I’ve heard a lot of guesses for Ester, but she’s half black and half Chinese!

i got u son!!

Thank you, I really love hearing this because the feeling that this narrative was missing was what made me want to make this game in the first place!

you might feel a bit more sympathetic to min when you reach her part of the story! Your mileage may vary, though

If you want to make a game like Butterfly Soup, try the program Renpy! It doesn’t require programming experience to use and there’s a lot of guides online on how to use it. My NUMBER ONE BIG ADVICE IS MAKE A REALLY, REALLY SMALL GAME FIRST. My first game, Pom Gets Wi-Fi, was only 30-45 minutes long. If you make it any bigger than that, you almost guaranteed will never finish it. The dream game that you want to make is probably longer than that, so don’t make your dream game first! That’s kind of why I was so alarmed when Pom Gets Wi-Fi took off -- I’m very proud of that game and still love it, but it was like my test for the games I dreamed of making like Butterfly Soup. (Also, 17 is a great age to start making games, good for you!) Other stuff I’ve learned: Programming: I mostly learned super specific things that can’t be easily applied to other situations. If you want to know how I did a specific thing in Renpy, message me!

Writing: If you’re struggling to write something, it might be for a good reason. Maybe the scene is unnecessary or boring, your mental image of the scene doesn’t translate well to the format of your work, or the character motivations aren’t convincing enough. Deleting a scene altogether isn’t defeat, sometimes it’s the best path forward! Give up more!

Artwise: Drawing for non-pixel art games takes FOREVER. The sheer amount of time it’d take to draw all the characters and backgrounds was so demoralizing that I found myself procrastinating because I didn’t want to tackle it. Not only did I have a large cast of characters (9 in the baseball club alone), but because of flashbacks, I had to draw half of them again as kids!

To anyone thinking about making a game by themselves, SERIOUSLY consider making it a pixel art game. If you’re that set on making a non-pixel art game, SEVERELY limit the number of characters and backgrounds you have to draw!! I’m begging u...learn from my mistakes...

You’re welcome!!! :>

I loved USC! The Interactive Media major was cool and fun -- I met a lot of good friends through the program! It was probably the best few years of my life.

Unfortunately...I felt like it did nothing to prepare me for finding a job. There are very few classes for aspiring game artists and game writers. There wasn’t a single professor who worked as an artist at a triple A studio while I was there, and only one who was a major writer. I get that you gotta be self motivated, but I wish I had someone in the faculty I felt comfortable discussing my career path with. Some of the professors had clear favorite students and if you weren’t one of them, they’d make very little effort to reach out to you or interact with you. I know I'm introverted, but I never got this feeling with my general elective classes -- I had plenty of chances to talk to my writing professor, architecture lab professor, art teacher, etc., yet I came out of a lot of my Interactive Media classes wondering if my professors even remembered me.

If you want to be a game designer or maybe a writer, and are really focused/outgoing with your professors, it could be the major for you, but if you want to be a game artist I’m not sure it’s the best place to be.

I was actually crazy stressed out when it came out, so nope! It’s happening this weekend

I was super nervous right after it came out because I was worried people wouldn’t like it! I put a lot into it, and actually teared up writing parts of it, so it was a ridiculous relief to see that people were touched by it. I’m really happy now and really want to make a sequel. Also, I’m beyond grateful to my friends/mutuals/fans spreading the word and tweeting/posting about the game and making fancontent ;~; I really owe everything to them! A few people wondered about how I was holding up attention-wise, and actually...as a fanartist I sort of thrive on this, haha. Also, this is much less intense than when I released Pom Gets Wi-Fi. For perspective, it took Butterfly Soup a week to reach the number of downloads Pom got in one day.

Good!!! You’re welcome!

you’re welcome!!!

#Butterfly Soup #briANSWER #ask #my post

241 notes · View notes

ask-the-freelance-mercs · 6 years

Text

Reasons Why I Probably Won’t be Returning to This Blog Anytime Soon.

I want to start this off by apologizing for disappearing without a trace for so long. No matter how busy I was, I should of at least left anyone who was still interested with some kind of idea where I had gone to. I just felt like it would have been cheap to pop in here with nothing to give to you guys, but seeing as 2018 will be upon us soon, I feel like it’s only fair to be honest with you guys. This blog is most likely going to remain inactive for a number of reasons that I will be getting into under the cut.

1. School

My second semester of college will be starting on the 8th of January and if it was anything like my first semester, I will be extremely busy with that. I took 5 classes for the fall semester and 5 for the spring in order to meet the requirements for my scholarship, and while I am doing well with that, it is an a lot of work to keep up so many classes. Any free time I had that wasn’t spent working on homework assignments I tried to spend with my friends, or relaxing with video games and youtube videos. Updating this blog was the last thing on my mind, which leads into my next point.

2. Gmod isn’t the fun for me anymore

This is by no means trying to bash any of the gmod artists and bloggers who still remain active. I know you can do amazing things with gmod and all the mods people have made to add hundreds of props and cool effects, however the process just became too tedious for me. While you can do a lot technically with gmod, I wasn’t very proud of anything I was producing despite sometimes spending an hour or more setting up one image. I don’t know if it was a mix of using other people’s assets to make art that made me feel unaccomplished, or just that I wasn’t willing to put as much time into my screenshots to make them look good, but nothing about my work really felt fulfilling to me.

3. Most of the gmod bloggers I started my blog for are no longer active on Tumblr

Again, this is no offense to any active gmod blogs I still follow. I wish you all the best of luck. However, the reason I started my own blog wasn’t really to tell my own story like it should have been, it was mostly to interact with the gmodders I admired. I honestly think my blog was the most fun when I got to do character interactions or just answer silly little asks from my friends. However, all good things come to an end, and most of the blogs I started mine to interact with are gone, no longer update, or are so far and in between updates it just isn’t worth it to try for any interactions. I’m still friends with a few of them personally, but as for blogs, we just haven’t found much of a need to update characters here seeing how limited gmod and Tumblr can be for writing a complex story, which does tie into my next reason for abandoning this blog.

4. I didn’t know or like where my story was going.

This is entirely my fault for trying to make a blog that was more character driven than story. Interesting characters were only able to get me so far if I didn’t have any engaging situations to put them in. The story my blog ended on with the demons and everything felt rushed out, messy, and nowhere near what I waned it to be. The arcs always ended like lack luster cop outs because they were more heavily driven by character reactions than actual big, impressive moments. Again, that could be attributed to the limitations of gmod, and how big scenes take a long time to pose and render correctly, but I honestly could of put a lot more effort into my writing and scene building to make them more interesting to look at. If I ever did come back to this blog, I would have to overhaul my story. My blog got nowhere near enough asks to run on them alone, so next time I’ll be sure to have some sort of basic story set up instead of having to craft a crap one last minute to keep the blog alive.

5. What this means for the future of me, this blog, and these characters

To start off, no. I will not be deleting this blog. I think deleting a blog just because you’re done with it is a waste of hours and hours of hard work. The blog isn’t going anywhere in case people want to look back on it, and I still use it to follow other gmod and art blogs for personal reasons. As for my characters, these are the first characters I’ve ever been brave enough to put out to the public so they will always hold a special place in my heart. I keep them alive through interactions with some close friends and in most of my art pieces, since I’ve been getting much more into digital art lately than gmod. Maybe one day I’ll revive them into their own stories, but as for their time here, it’s most likely going to come to an end. I don’t much like roleplaying on Tumblr so I doubt making an rp blog for them would be anymore successful than this blog. I could make an art blog if anyone is interested in keeping up with me, but with school I doubt it’ll be updated very frequently seeing as art isn’t my degree path at the moment., but here’s a few if teasers of what my art looks like currently if anyone is interested.

Doubt I’d make an ask blog out of it or anything, but I suppose it’d be some way to share my work with anyone if they still have any interest. Other than that, I hope everyone has a wonderful 2018, with more ups than they have downs. Sorry I couldn’t leave you with a satisfying conclusion to this blog, but it was never meant to be a grand story driven masterpiece, just a little way to interact and have fun with friends. And it did its job well enough for that, but it’s time I move on to bigger and better things.

#thank you all for the support #commet if you want an art blog I guess?#it's be more of a portfolio if I want to do more art in the future #other than that cheers to you all

11 notes · View notes

palteringcecutiency · 7 years

Text

==> Psii: Worry.

palteringcecutiency ...how is he doing? Do you know?

caepaecaesurae .. Nadaya? > Time to Squirm A Lot, due to the dualscar talk you've been doing with him . . .

palteringcecutiency Of course not. I was thinking of that other troll we both speak to that is suddenly a wiggler. Yes Cronus. Nadaya.

caepaecaesurae WVell pardon me for not being psychic. I don't knowv, though he sounds like he's settling some. WVe're still establishing a rapport, I'll be asking howv he is once he's not flailing at the wvorld.

palteringcecutiency Lord Cronus catch up with the rest of us. Mindreading makes everything so much easier. ...alright. That's better than I had feared thank you.

caepaecaesurae I'll keep you as updated as I can.

palteringcecutiency It's appreciated a great deal.

caepaecaesurae A psionic wvas stern to him, and he is ""fine"". ...I'vwe offered my protection and assistance, but I think that's the best I can do right nowv.

palteringcecutiency Yes I saw the sternness and it is taking every ounce of my willpower to not rip into them for it. Do you know if he is alone? I am not volunteering myself obviously but someone to hide behind may help.

caepaecaesurae I sympathise entirely. I'm...trying to find that out, as gently as I can. He at least has his cats.

palteringcecutiency Cats are quite helpful little things. Especially in cases like these.

caepaecaesurae He has a moirail present apparently.

palteringcecutiency A relief.

> A great deal of time passes, enough for Cae’s queue to post and for him to say he’s logging off.

palteringcecutiency If I was in the mood to fight I would've gone after my alternate. In case this affects anything.

caepaecaesurae > Time to quietly squirm and debate whether you want to admit you were running or not..

palteringcecutiency > It's not as if you weren't familiar with his running, having called him out on it so many times. And you did word that statement in a way that didn't imply he was running either...

caepaecaesurae It doesn't particularly. I could stay if desired, but a tumblr glitch annoyed me a bit. Enough to take a break.

palteringcecutiency Quite understandable this hell site seems full of them. And I have nothing worth dragging you back onto it for I just thought I would remind.

caepaecaesurae > ...Was he trying not to scare you, trying to cajole and provoke you back into a trap, or speaking idly without ulterior motive. Pardon the narrowv miss.

palteringcecutiency > The first, but would he even believe you if he found out? It hardly makes sense, except that you're rather acutely aware of being frightening, and not in a good way. It is fine. Some things are hard to spot especially while distracted.

caepaecaesurae Hard to spot?

palteringcecutiency The connection between the two. Unless you were speaking of something else?

caepaecaesurae There's no connection betwveen you showving up and me stepping awvay

palteringcecutiency No I did not think there was. But between your queue's post and my being around... I thought perhaps.

caepaecaesurae > And time for more squirming. I probably should havwe savwed that in my drafts wvhen I found it. Rather than bothering wvith a queue.

palteringcecutiency Even knowing it has done nothing?

caepaecaesurae > Pinned fins. ... I wvouldn't wvant Sal to think I wvas aiming it at him.

palteringcecutiency ...mm. Understandable. > Not that you believe that's the reason for a second, but. Not much you can do when you're trying not to frighten him. Awkwardly.

caepaecaesurae Anywvay you don't need me cluttering the dashboard.

palteringcecutiency I would disagree that's what you've done but I can hardly keep you where you do not want to be.

caepaecaesurae > Captor moodswings were baffling and impenetrable and you didn't understand. For a moment you seriously considered attempting to chart them against moon phases, before deciding it would be a hassle to learn about the local moon. I'm sure I could clutter it.

palteringcecutiency I have no doubt you could if you put your pan to it. I was speaking of what has already happened.

caepaecaesurae heh.. I hadn't been

palteringcecutiency Hadn't you? My apologies.

caepaecaesurae Drawv anything interesting lately?

palteringcecutiency > Damn it. The blatant topic change wasn't much better than him bolting, but at least it's something. Hhhh. A few things. Memories of Alternia and Beforus mostly places I remember people whose faces I recall. I've no idea if I have gotten them right but it hardly matters at this point.

caepaecaesurae Blind, tonight? You mentioned commas in passing, once.

palteringcecutiency Well remembered. c: But that is not the hindering factor. I can tell where my pencil marks just fine. I was speaking of the accuracy of my memories and being unsure of details after so long.

caepaecaesurae More than fair. I'vwe been trying to make things from thin air, lately. Embellished evweryday items. Putting memories to page is.. difficult.

palteringcecutiency Like gilding mundane objects? I could see that being rather amusing. It can be. I was better at it on Beforus than Alternia as bizarre as that is.

caepaecaesurae I create the items, though I suppose I might be able to edit them if I try... ... I think Beforus had more artistic inclination in general. And fostered it better.

palteringcecutiency Ah. I suppose that makes more sense but I cannot shake the image of you adding gold and jewels to everything you own as you get displeased with its boring nature. ...I cannot argue with that however. It did if only for giving me ready access to paper and proper writing implements.

caepaecaesurae I savwe many of the gold and jewvels for Treasure. Not quite all, but most. You should havwe had that on Alternia as wvell. .. I imagine apologies get tiring to hear, after a wvhile.

palteringcecutiency A good use for them. c: ...only when I am not in the mood to hear them. I was mostly speaking of after I'd escaped. Paper was not high on the priority list a luxury I did not obtain often. And when I did I mostly drew with ashed sticks from the fire. Far easier to obtain than pencils and the like. I made it work of course but finding my sylladex full of sketchbooks was a bit startling.

caepaecaesurae One of the fewv consolation prizes perhaps.

palteringcecutiency Yes. And beyond that the ability to acquire colors to add.

caepaecaesurae A marvwel.

palteringcecutiency This place has its moments even I will admit.

caepaecaesurae Is there much difference betwveen papers and the computer wvays?

palteringcecutiency There is quite a bit. Pencil and paper interact with each other differently. There's bumps and edges to catch on the pencil wears in different ways all sorts of variables to wrangle. The connection between tablet and computer is far more limited they do not directly interact in the way pencils and paper do but there are a great many techniques and tools open to play with and get used to each having a different purpose.

caepaecaesurae It makes paper and pencil sound like a hassle.

palteringcecutiency Any art at all is a hassle a struggle between artist and the medium until the artist learns how to talk to their medium and to listen to it in return.

caepaecaesurae Tricking the tools into wvorking wvith you

palteringcecutiency Or finding a way get what you want out of what they can do. Either or depending on the materials involved.

caepaecaesurae Fair enough I wvas nevwer a grand hand at sketching. I knewv just enough to mark my impressions of things in my journals if I felt like it. Seldom more than basic maps and loose impressions of horn shapes and symbols

palteringcecutiency I am quite unsure how I learned per say aside from idle doodling that grew into something more. It just... makes sense. You've got your claws into music though. I am unsurprised sketchwork is a mystery as I find creating music to be the same.

caepaecaesurae I suppose it depends entirely wvhat one practices. I think it's easiest to begin music from vwoice wvork or drums. One must knowv the fundamentals, but there's little wvorrying about keys and chords and theory. Fewv tools invwolvwed, either.

palteringcecutiency There's some logic to that assuming of course that the student was not impatient for bigger things.

caepaecaesurae ... True. VWocal wvork suits the impatient wvell, though. Glamorous enough wvhen done wvell, quick to do wvell if you put enough effort into it, and painfully bad wvhen rushed, in a wvay more obvwious to the audience than the singer.

palteringcecutiency A compelling argument I must say. Though I've not really considered dabbling in the musical before.

caepaecaesurae It's an art that burns time, rather than materials.

palteringcecutiency Heh. That would've been a far smarter art to practice while on Alternia then. Hindsight and all that.

caepaecaesurae ... It's hard not to imagine the engineer reports.

palteringcecutiency The haunting voice of the Angel.

caepaecaesurae "...been singing about howv I dropped my pen for SIX WVEEKS STRAIGHT NOWV--" Perhaps. WVhen you wveren't using it for mockery.

palteringcecutiency I am going to mourn this lost opportunity until my final days. Imagine Her face trying to deal with it. Narrating Her night to night tasks with song. It would be more than worth it.

caepaecaesurae ♪ Form 887 can be found in the ♪re♪fer♪ence♪ desk ♪ ♪ That soup looks like ga-a-a-A-a-ar-bage ♪ ♪ Yes it makes you look ♪♪fat♪♪

palteringcecutiency Lord I am going to bust something laughing at this. You realize the text is being read off in monotone right?

caepaecaesurae I hope the tasteful punctuation is helping.

palteringcecutiency MUSIC NOTE THAT SOUP LOOKS LIKE GA A A A A AR BAGE MUSIC NOTE

caepaecaesurae ♪ Performance nominal ♪ I ah. I think the monotone adds a lot.

palteringcecutiency It most certainly does. It's two hundred times better.

caepaecaesurae > You wish you had more to say, but you're just delighted at the relatively clear air. ..You keep looking back at Psii's last message every once in a while, debating what a proper reply would be. ... I wvonder howv hard it wvould be to autotune text to speech. > Perfect.

palteringcecutiency > Send file: yourewelcome.mp3 > It took you an embarrassing amount of time to wrangled this, considering how well you know this system that you built yourself, huff, but you manage. Your text to speech voice is not as monotone as it could be but it's remarkably bland sounding, hitching once in a while in an awkward tone-deaf fashion, and it is reading out a shoddily written half-poem song littered with musical notes. You remain a terrible wordsmith but you gave it your best shot, giving him a bored robot reading about the thrill of Her choosing what jewelry to wear some evening past and your opinion on such a thing. Oh goodness I'd definitely like to find out.

caepaecaesurae I'm backing this up to my fake computer as soon as I get the chance...

palteringcecutiency c:

caepaecaesurae There's no reason robots can't be singsong

palteringcecutiency There isn't and lord I beg you to remind me what a terrible idea it would be to modify this program. I would never be able to say anything I'd be too busy being unable to breathe.

caepaecaesurae I'm sure it could be strategic about wvhich messages to relay.. Artistically

palteringcecutiency That would certainly be less hazardous but what would even be the cut off? Music notes seem reasonable but they hardly come up and if it never gets used what is the point?

caepaecaesurae Unecessary capitalization wvould be a delightful one Or random chance Keywvords

palteringcecutiency Oo yes definitely the capitalization. Random chance would be delightful for boring nights where I'm just lurking. Keywords would be fun depending on the words chosen which would take careful thought. ...perhaps depending on who is speaking would be interesting. Or a toggle to make boring conversations more exciting.

caepaecaesurae I'm sure you wvould use this capacity responsibly, and I look forwvard to if you evwer get caught listening to it.

palteringcecutiency Oh yes certainly. I wouldn't dare think of using it inappropriately and as often as I can get away with it.

caepaecaesurae Surely Imagine if it only sang messages wvorth a certian number of scrabble points So the long ones, and the ones wvith odd wvords in them ...

palteringcecutiency Words with a certain number of syllables or more especially if it's more than enough to go up and down the scale.

caepaecaesurae ... Most trolltags wvould end up sung.

palteringcecutiency They would which would make telling posts apart easier. This one is written by Cronus~ and this one is your descendant~~~~ Goodness Nadaya's posting~~ Perhaps muffled explosions would be better for his.

caepaecaesurae Staccato -- clashing pitches NAdaYA is POSTing High, lowv, high, lowv Or just 10% louder than anyone else.

palteringcecutiency Why not both?

caepaecaesurae Your poor ears

palteringcecutiency Perhaps. But it would be worth it to try once at least.

#posted ooc #caepaecaesurae #Honorable Mention:#trolljacksparrow #these two being friends is so weird #I love them so much

7 notes · View notes

spynotebook · 7 years

Link

We’ve been excited about Doctor Who‘s latest companion, Bill Potts, for a while now. Well, if you saw actress Pearl Mackie bring Bill to stunning life in the show’s S10 premiere “The Pilot” over the weekend, you’ve likely already fallen in love with her. Of course, change isn’t easy for people, and there are always going to be some who are skeptical of a new companion no matter what. Here are some reasons why you may just become smitten if you give her a chance.

Yes, She’s a Woman of Color!

The thing that most people noticed and talked about from the moment the character was introduced was that we were finally getting another black companion. Considering that in over fifty years of Doctor Who, Mickey was the first black person to set foot on the TARDIS in 2005, and Martha was the first black full-time companion in 2007, this is a pretty big deal.

For most, this in and of itself was exciting news. Yay representation! Of course, for others, this was yet another sign of “SJWs” ruining everything. I mean, what’s next, a female Doctor? *sigh*

As trailers were released, people began forming more concrete opinions, and those who loved her seemed to love her because she’s a black character who is a positive female protagonist. Those who didn’t love her started bending over backwards to insist that their dislike of her had nothing to do with her being black. *more sigh*

The truth is, before “The Pilot” aired, none of us had enough information to make a judgment on the character one way or the other, and now that we’ve seen her in action, I’m happy to report that Bill being black, while hugely important and understandably exciting, is also the least interesting thing about her.

I love that we have a woman of color on the TARDIS again (and that black Whovians have her as a new cosplay option). I love that Bill rocks her afro majestically, providing an alternative image to Martha Jones’ straightened locks. I love that, even though she has a white foster mom, we get to see her mourn and look at her black biological mother (do I smell a future episode where Bill gets to see her mom again, a la the “Father’s Day” episode for Rose?), and I hope that she lasts longer than one season, which would be a huge first for a black companion. (Yes, Martha reappeared on both Doctor Who and on Torchwood, but she only got one season as a regular companion).

Still, her being black isn’t even what makes her awesomesauce. It’s an added bonus.

Yes, She’s Unambiguously a Lesbian!

As we got closer to “The Pilot” airing, and once people got tired of talking about Bill being a black companion, we heard that Bill was also an LGBTQIA character. This is an even bigger deal than her race in that there has never been a queer companion on Doctor Who (and no, your Second Doctor/Jamie fan fic doesn’t count. I mean, it should, but it doesn’t). The closest we’ve come is Captain Jack, but while he traveled with the Doctor a bit, he wasn’t a full-time companion (though he did get his own show, which is pretty sweet). Obviously, there’s also Madame Vastra and Jenny, but they too are supporting characters. This is the first time that a long-term resident of the TARDIS is LGBTQIA, and I am here for it.**

Even better than this basic fact, however, is how it was handled in the episode. This was all the more impressive considering that showrunner Steven Moffat wrote the episode. In the past, I’ve complained about his writing of gay and lesbian characters: grateful that he wanted to include them, but disappointed in how they seemed to be shoehorned in and inelegantly written to make a point of their inclusion. (See! I included gay people! Lookit! Lookit!) In the specific case of Vastra and Jenny, I thought some of his writing for them a bit male gazey and weird. Lots of jokes and tongue motions that felt more like what a dude enjoys watching women do, rather than what two actual female characters who are married to each other would say or do. As much as I’m #TeamVastraandJennySpinoff, I’d prefer for someone else, preferably a woman, to write it.

Bill, however, has been handled wonderfully. Not only is her sexuality integral to her personality, but it’s also integral to the plot of the episode in a really beautiful way. Her attraction to women is established right at the top of the episode as she tells the Doctor (who she thinks is a really cool university professor) about a crush that she has on a female student who always comes into the cafeteria, where she serves chips. She alludes to her sexuality again when her foster mother warns her about her new, cool university professor who’s taking an interest in her,

Later, we see her crushing on a girl named Heather (Stephanie Hyam), with whom she had a chance encounter at a bar and with whom she is reunited on the university campus—the girl with a star in her eye. It’s her attraction to Heather that propels their continual meeting, that causes an alien oil puddle that is piloting Heather’s body to continually follow Bill, and ultimately it’s the thing that makes Bill’s eventual release of Heather so sad. Hell, when Bill joins the Doctor, he tells her that it’s a big Universe and that they may well find Heather again. There may be more to the Bill/Heather relationship than one episode, and that would be a beautiful thing.

She’s Also Intelligent, Straightforward, and Enthusiastic

She may not be an enrolled student at the university where she serves chips, but unlike Rose or Donna, she doesn’t need the Doctor to unearth hidden potential, or to show her that there’s more out there than a dead-end job. She prioritizes knowledge. Of her own accord, she attends the Doctor’s classes simply because she’s fascinated by his lectures on physics and time. She might not be “Type A smart” like Martha, but she’s absorbed a huge amount of knowledge simply by being a human being who’s curious about the world around her, and she’s quick and clever in new situations because she loves to learn.

While Bill is unique in so many ways, she also has a lot of past companions’ best traits, evoking them while subtly avenging the wrong done to those companions by the Doctor. Hell, the jacket Bill wears in “The Pilot” seems like it was taken right out of Ace’s closet.

There’s a moment when the Doctor is about to mind-wipe Bill, and she tells him that she “knows what a mind-wipe looks like” because she’s seen sci-fi. She allows him to take away his memories, but only after reprimanding him and seemingly chastising him on behalf of the viewing audience for what he once did to Donna. Then, “Clara’s Theme” faintly plays, evoking Clara and how she mind-wiped the Doctor as Bill consents to being mind-wiped, but that the Doctor should first think about what it would feel like if this were happening to him. As it turns out, since Donna, he has experienced having memories taken from him, and so this time, he’s able to make a different decision with a companion.

Bill’s straightforward personality, coupled with the fact that she’s uninterested in men romantically, make her someone that seems set up to be a “bro” to the Doctor. Like the Doctor’s relationship with Donna, there’s the potential here for Bill and the Doctor to be friends on equal footing.

Much though I love Clara, and as amazing and powerful as she became over time, there was still that sense of her being amazing for the Doctor. Ie: she’s strong in order to allow for the Doctor to go on being great.

Bill is an equal right out of the gate. Not in intelligence or experience, of course, but in feeling like her ideas and thoughts deserve a seat at the table. There’s no gendered hierarchy here. It doesn’t feel like a mentor/mentee relationship, nor does the Doctor’s mission and life feel More Important than Bill. Whereas Clara and the Doctor were co-dependent “best friends,” Bill and the Doctor could genuinely be good friends to each other.

And then there’s her enthusiasm. She loves learning, she loves figuring things out, and she loves taking risks—she wants to absorb everything simply for its own sake. She’s not someone who is escaping a life she hates, or who needs to be coaxed out of her shell. She goes with the Doctor because she wants to, not because she needs to.

In part, she goes with the Doctor because there may be a Heather out there for her, but the way she was putting things together (seeing the TARDIS, seeing the Doctor and Nardole sneaking around, etc), it was only a matter of time before she decided to go with him anyway. And he would’ve been a fool to say no.

Shout-out to Pearl Mackie, who’s doing amazing work in this role and has done in one episode what it took Clara years to accomplish: winning my heart.

**There were hints that Clara was bisexual as, even though we only ever saw her with male love interests, she talked a lot about what a good kisser Jane Austen is. I wish that had been made more clear.

(image: BBC America)

Want more stories like this? Become a subscriber and support the site!

—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

Follow The Mary Sue on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Pinterest, & Google+.

#IFTTT #Feedly

0 notes