#I’m just highlighting how many women are genuinely suffering

[hadesoftheladies]

you are not “a crazy monster” you are just dealing with repressed anger

you don’t have “memory issues” you’re dealing with the effects of years of gaslighting and emotional abuse

you aren’t “kinky,” you have complex ptsd, it is not healthy to be aroused by physical abuse and violence

you aren’t “sexually liberated,” you have ptsd and hypersexuality is how it presents itself

you are not “different from other girls” or “an alien.” you have anxiety, a consequence of being othered and policed 24/7 by society for your femaleness

you are not “an evil bitch,” you are experiencing burnout because of decision-fatigue and anxiety, since you have so much to prove every second of the day

in short, the problem isn’t you. this isn’t your natural state and it can get better once you acknowledge that you and so many other women are coping with an insane amount psychological and physical abuse and demands. the world has been a war zone for women for AGES. it’s going to take its toll on all of us.

I’d recommend watching and reading up on how to deal with these issues. Personally, I enjoy watching Therapy In A Nutshell on YouTube. She has great techniques and a deep understanding of how the brain works.

PS: THIS ISN’T A DIAGNOSIS. It’s a post highlighting how women often ignore how patriarchy affects them mentally and treat their sickness and coping as a moral failing or personality quirk because of how mundane our suffering is. I believe women and girls can cope better and even heal if they can name what has happened to them and how it’s affected them.

[dream-girls-evil]

Okay this post got very long and messy but!! Honestly can’t believe how sapphic the second episode of The Nevers was. Like they had this whole scene between Penance and Augie, trying to play up their potential romance, and yet the whole thing was really just there to set up Penance leaving the party alone so that she could be kidnapped by Maladie and the whole dynamic is literally full of classic villain-hero-love interest tropes!!! Not to mention Maladie herself being very queer-coded.

I’ll start with Maladie. She’s pretty overtly and inappropriately sexual, but the sapphic side of that is really highlighted in this ep. Her relationship with Bonfire Annie seems flirtatious at least, and there’s a noticeable fondness between them. Despite Maladie’s followers commenting that Annie doesn’t suppose their cause and is only there because she was hired, Maladie seems to care about pleasing her and keeping her around.

On Annie’s side, she certainly seems swayed by her boss’ affection. There’s no real insult when she tells Maladie that she’s being stupid, only warning. And I can’t imagine many other people could get away with saying something like that to Maladie like that anyway. When she stops Maladie from killing Amalia, we see the genuine shock on Maladie’s face and the apology on Annie’s. And yet the action isn’t, I don’t think, a betrayal—Annie’s intervention is what allows Maladie to run off before the cops can catch her.

Then, of course, we have her whole backstory with Amalia.

The whole premise of an “affliction” that upsets the way rich white men think things are supposed to be is broadly applicable to a lot of different societal conflicts, and several are even brought up directly: class conflict, race, women’s rights, neurodivergence. Maladie is a representative of the abuse that could occur, especially to women, under the guise of mental health treatment. And without knowing exactly what it was that Maladie suffered from originally and how much of her current mindset is a result of “treatment” for it, I was really struck by the potential sapphic interpretation.

It’s unclear exactly what happened between Amalia and Maladie. We know Amalia betrayed her trust by what sounds like exposing something about her, and that led to a young Sarah being taken away and having awful things done to her. Amalia says she didn’t have a choice, and Maladie says that’s because she had a mission, but I have to wonder whether that’s the truth or only what Maladie believes. If we consider it subjective, then the rest—trust broken, a secret revealed, sexual abuse by her doctors, the resulting strong religiosity—all really carry the tone someone being outed and subjected to conversion therapy.

As a result of this abuse, the young Sarah turns into a Maladie full of pain and betrayal who wants to hurt Amalia the way Amalia hurt her. And how does she do it?

“Yeah, but I’m not looking for her, I’m looking for her! The entire of her. The fuckin’ soul, eh?”

Maladie wants to strike at Amalia’s soul—something part of her, that completes her—and Annie gets her Penance. Because they’re supposed to be inseparable; this is presented as common knowledge.

It’s a common trope for a villain to kidnap the hero’s love interest and force them to choose between saving them and saving the city/the world/a bus full of school children/etc. Mary, in this scenario, clearly represents the latter, because she is their hope for reaching out to all the Touched. And it’s not to say that the most important relationship in Amalia’s life can’t be a purely platonic one, but I do think that if Amalia was a man, there would be little doubt in interpreting Penance as the love interest. Especially as the rest of the episode is filled with similar tropes.

We have Penance standing at Amalia’s bedside berating her for nearly dying. We have her looking tense and upset and Amalia reaching for her hand as she stands to leave. There’s a moment of hesitation and surprise as Penance looks from Amalia’s face to where her thumb is stroking Penance’s wrist, as if she’s debating, before she gives in and curls up against Amalia’s side. Yet the framing is one of familiarity in how their hands comfortably readjust and Penance smiles and finally breathes. It gives the sense that this is something they’ve done before, that Amalia knows Penance needs this to reassure herself that Amalia’s okay. It’s a scene mostly familiar as one we see in a lot of shows when someone gets seriously injured or sick and their significant other climbs into the hospital bed with them.

There’s a sense that Amalia is drawing comfort and strength from Penance’s closeness as well, preparing herself to admit the heavy shame of her role in Maladie’s history. But Penance stops her with the line “let’s just be alive for a while.” It’s yet another common occurrence between hero and love interest, especially after the hero gets hurt—they want to push on or are still worrying about what happened and what comes next, and the love interest reminds them to be present or sometimes more forcefully tells them to stop, because they almost lost the hero but they didn’t and they just want to have them close while they can, before something else happens. And the hero gives in and just lies with their love.

It’s just...all so painfully obvious how this would be presented if it were a heterosexual couple, from Maladie’s anger that borders on scorn and bitterness about Amalia’s “new best friend” to Penance and Amalia’s dynamic throughout. How easy it is to imagine a more overt romantic tone and how naturally they could have segued into a love confession or emotional speech or kiss when Penance was sitting at Amalia’s bedside. And yet also having the subtext that’s so particular to queer relationships and characters: the ambiguity, the intensity, and all that’s communicated through touches and gazes but left unsaid.

[semper-legens]

62. The Corset, by Laura Purcell

Owned: No, library Page count: 392 My summary: Dorothea Truelove is a young woman from a good family - but she doesn’t wish to marry as her father wishes. Instead, she dedicates her time to her two passions, philanthropy and the study of phrenology. The former leads her to Ruth, a teenager and murderess currently serving time in Oakgate prison. But is she a true murderer? Dorothea doesn’t know, but she wants to find out. My rating: 4/5

What is it with the Victorian era that we find so interesting? Much historical fiction is set in this era, and especially the historical fiction that I’m into. Is it because the Victorians aren’t so removed from ourselves? Is it because the Victorian era was a time of huge social and technological change that would prelude all that would happen in the 20th century? Is it because of the stories that come from this era, from fiction about Sweeney Todd, Jekyll and Hyde, Dracula, to the real-life stories of Jack the Ripper? Looking at those examples, it seems the Victorian era is a font for horror, and this book follows in that legacy, bringing a murder mystery with supernatural elements that will keep you guessing until the last page.

Our first focus character is Dorothea, a young woman not wanting to marry and instead focus on her passion - science, philanthropy, and phrenology. I love the inclusion of the latter, just because of how it throws into sharp highlight how terrible upper-class Victorians could be. Yes, Dorothea is forward-thinking and right-minded in a lot of things, but on the other hand she believes in this complete bullshit and genuinely thinks a person’s head shape shows their personality. And this contrast marks her character. She’s a philanthropist, visiting imprisoned women to bring them some comfort...and use them to further her pseudoscience, and for her own self-aggrandisement. Her obliviousness to a lot of what’s truly going on in her own and Ruth’s life really deepens the mystery being presented, and while she’s ultimately sympathetic, the reader can be forgiven for being exasperated by her at every turn.

Ruth, meanwhile, is our possible murderer, and hoo boy is her story dark. She’s a teenager but has been through a lot in her few years, from suffering neglect at the hands of her alcoholic father, to being practically sold to an abusive woman to help in her tailor shop, to being on the streets and forced to do whatever she can to survive. The main tension with Ruth is whether she’s correct or not about having a magical power to imbue anything she sews with her own emotions. It potentially leads to a lot of pain - her baby sister’s death, her mother’s blindness, the depression of a young bride, the strength of a corset she creates for herself. But at every corner, there is a reasonable, rational explanation. Does Ruth have this power, or is she wrong? The story keeps you guessing throughout, inviting you to come up with explanations as to how any tragedy might have occurred, while still leaving that modicum of doubt.

This book taps into a lot of the weirder parts of the Victorian era. From dresses that kill because they are dyed with arsenic to the deep social stratification in place that resulted in the suffering and deaths of so many of the poor to the legal abuse that servants suffered at the hands of their employers to the completely batshit scientific beliefs of the elite. The Victorian era wasn’t nice! And this book throws that into focus, never romanticising anything that happened. It does at times get a little grisly, dipping into the misery porn kind of category, but if you’re interested in dark Victoriana I’d definitely encourage you to check this one out, I enjoyed it immensely.

Next up, one of the weirdest books I’ve ever read - want some heavy-handed moralising about abortion?

[shadowturtlesstuff]

Dress

reputation-cressworth

so the song dress by taylor swift screams cressworth to be, the sort of mutual pining and honest love they have for each other. so i wrote a semi canon but not at all canon peice. (4k words)

                                              ><><><><><><

The night was lasting forever, time dragged on as people danced and drank and celebrated, despite there still being a murderer roaming the streets and slaughtering innocent women. They acted like they could never be injured by the killer just because of their class, when for all anyone knew the killer was in this room right now plotting. I hoped they started with me, just so I didn't have to experience this torture any longer; although it was highly unlikely seeing as they focused on lower class women. A pity, really, I could think of many who deserve it more. I could think of only one one person in this room that perhaps didn't deserve to suffer the fate three women already have. 

Audrey Rose Wadsworth.

Perhaps my only friend in this god-forsaken world. One that I cannot even spend time with, as one would like. It's an absurd notion but one that I can't ignore otherwise I've no job and I don't think Jonathan Wadsworth would take me on knowing I’m currently working for his rival, even if I quit myself and I did everything in my power to show off my exceptional talents and gain his trust. Especially if he finds out I'm madly in love with his niece; and have been for awhile. I must admit it was never my intention to do so, or to even be her friend, but when you are trying to solve the same crimes you tend to run into each. Often. And so overtime we became friends, begrudgingly on her part. Then, when we faced danger a few weeks back, and I thought I'd lose her over my actions and Oliver's inability to tell me the truth, we kissed. Since then we have been trying to navigate our feelings whilst also pretending to not know each other. It is incredibly difficult not to walk over to her now, take her hands and offer a dance. To then kiss her and watch her cheeks redden and her to smile at me. To know I made her smile. Each smile melts the coldness of my heart that I've spent years creating to protect myself. I believed I needn't ever need a friend nor wife. Yet, perhaps, someday Audrey could be both of those and we wouldn't need to freeze our hearts to protect ourselves.

 All night I've been trying to catch her gaze but her eyes refuse to meet mine, at least with my knowledge that is. I caught her staring when she believed I was otherwise engaged in something so that I wouldn't notice. I notice every time. It's been a fun game, the only good thing about this evening. It is someone's birthday, someone my father deems important enough to drag me along too. Even though he hates me, and I him. Even though I have no intention of finding a wife this way or taking over his business. Audrey Rose was an unexpected gift, at this party and my life. I hadn't realised she'd be here with her family but I should have assumed. Or asked, but we had only seen each other once since the kiss and most of that time was spent discussing corpses and the no longer occasional flirting. She is remarkably good at getting under my skin, at leaving me without words and making me want to just hold her in my arms for both our sakes. Her uncle and my boss would be furious if they found out we'd been sharing theories, but unlike my boss I want to solve the case to get a murderer off the streets and not the fame; Audrey Rose is utterly horrified by the grotesk way women are being violated. So the more we work together the faster we can solve it for good. 

‘You think they know more than us?’ I hear vaguely, I pull my eyes away from Audrey Rose and grimace. Mr. Douglas caught me staring but assumed it was over Jonathan Wadsworth and about the murders. 

“There's a high chance sir.” Mainly due to the man's ignorance and my inability to share my ideas with him. He takes a seat next to me so I sit straighter and force myself not to look at Audrey Rose. “I've heard the girl, what's her name?”

“Audrey Rose Wadsworth, sir.” I tell him as plainly as possible.

“Right, sure. I've heard she's helping him. I've no idea why such a pretty thing would waste her life pretending to be a detective but-”

“What?” I was going to strangle him. His complete and utter ineptitude towards Audrey Rose, to how women truly were versus what they are perceived as in society was astonishing. I would truly strangle him if I wasn't as shocked. And if I didn't have to hide my feelings for her. 

“I know I was baffled when I heard it too, she'll make herself unavailable if she keeps the way she's going.” he doesn't take his eyes off her as if he wanted to be the one to make her unavailable and not science. Even though that notion was outrageous. I rolled my eyes at him as a brilliant idea struck. 

“Hear me out, sir, what if I pursue her? I mean if she is one for science she will know about the case and I doubt she knows me so I can easily charm her and I can get whatever information I can to help us solve the case faster.” I try to explain my plan in a non desperate way. Hopefully he will think I believe Audrey Rose is incapable of figuring out deceit and that she'll just spill her guts to me; that I don't care about the case. When, in reality, I just want one dance with her. I'm exasperated in hiding my feelings and it's only been a few weeks. Maybe it would be a lot easier to try and beg for an apprenticeship with Jonathan Wadsworth than deal with this misogynistic self centered-

“Not a half bad idea. For once you have got a decent plan. Although maybe I should be the one to charm her, seen as your, well, you have as much charm as a brick wall to put it simply. So let me-”

“I'm more than capable.” I say and get out of my chair and start striding towards her before he can get there first. If he even opened his mouth to her she would berate him so heavily that he would have to hibernate until people forget. Not that Audrey Rose is forgettable in any way.  Maybe I should've let him try first just to see that. Alas, I need to at least have a conversation with her. I made my way to her table, her father and brother were conversing and her uncle looked about as miserable and irritated as I did. Audrey Rose just looked bored. 

She looks beautiful though, her pale green and blue dress offsets her darker features and highlights her dazzling eyes. The light reflects off her perfectly, showing her sharp features and illuminating her mothers necklace at her chest. When I finally reach her table her eyes find mine and red begins to line her cheeks and her brows furrow at the sight of me. I notice slightly her father and brother cease to be as they look at me as well. 

“May I borrow your daughter for a dance, sir?” I asked him. He looks confused but I'm sure he realized who I am. Who my father is. I'm sure his mind is filled with implications about what the title could do for him if we were to be wed. 

“Cert-”

“No.” her uncle interjects. Her father looks furious, brother amused and her aunt; I hadn't even noticed her aunt was there with I assume her cousin. 

“What do you mean no? She's my daughter I suggest you-”

“No. Mr. Cresswell, what are you doing? You do not wish to seek out my niece for the case do you? If so, leave now.”

I blink at the tone. Of course he'd see through it; however he is technically wrong. 

“No sir, I can see why you'd think that but I truly wish to dance. Your daughter is captivating.” I would rather seek the end of the killer's knife than continue this conversation. 

“I shall dance with you Mr. Cresswell.” Audrey Rose seems inclined to inflict the same fate as me. Without listening to the rest of her family she walks towards the dance floor so I follow her. She hesitantly puts her arms on my shoulders and I put my own on her waist. I feel lighter than I have all evening; as though I've had many drinks of champagne and Mrs Harvey's tonic. I give her a genuine smile and feel her own tension release. 

“I'm glad you saved me. I've been dreadfully bored.” She greets me in such an improper and Audrey Rose way that I laugh.

“I'll always be the one to save you Wadsworth. I am your Dark Prince. Be sure to think about me and my heroic nature whenever you're alone.” 

“Please.” She begins as we start to sway, “I have more important things to consider than you.” She tries to be serious but it is not her strongest ability when talking to me. 

“You look beautiful, Audrey Rose.” She rolls her eyes at me despite her blush. “The dress is magnificent, compliments you perfectly, although completely unnecessary, I'm sure you are perfectly capable of rendering me speechless without a dress on at all.”

Her eyes widen at such scandalous words and her cheeks redden even more but her eyes dazzle with the promise of mischief. “You claim I render you speechless yet you still speak? Are you lying or just horribly bad at compliments? Or, you hate the dress but need to charm me nonetheless?”

“Wadsworth, darling, please, do you really think that little of me? I'm merely stating the obvious, it's what I do best. And I don't need to charm you when you are already infatuated with me. If I were you I would be. And as much as you truly render me speechless with your brilliant mind, I adore your body too, an added bonus, but I will always be able to tell you how astonishing you look.”

She focuses on my face, searching for something, perhaps a lie but she finds none and smiles at me, the sweetest little smile, and I debate placing a chaste kiss to her smiling red lips to also show her how honest I am right now but know that I cannot. Not yet. So I pinch her waist slightly and she lets out a tiny squeak and pinches me back. 

“It is a good job you are not me then isn't it?” She recovers perfectly and has the audacity to look smug at me. I press my hand to my chest and gawk at her. I'm losing the battle of wits, unsurprisingly, so I move the conversation along to try and turn it back in my favour.

“I've enjoyed the game tonight, our secret moments in this crowded room no one knows about. Each little glance at me gives my heart a rush. Makes it worth being at this blastidly boring event. I've missed you.”

We remain in comfortable silence, my last confessions washing over us both. 

“When does this get easier?” She whispers to me, her eyes finding mine, glassy as she contemplates what is running rampant in her mind. “I want to stay with you all night, but after this we must return to our lives, I go back to being judged for my curiosity and you will go back to the animatronic villain the world thinks you are. When does it get easier Thomas?” 

I keep us spinning, holding onto her waist and not ready to let her disappear. She's right. It's a horrible wait to be away from her and having to wear my armour everyday. It's even harder for her to try and have a career in science and not have someone by her side, completely by her side. There must be something we can do, I can do, to make our lives better. 

“Wadsworth, how much does your uncle hate me?” A plan begins to form in my head. One I've been debating for a while. Her eyes narrow knowing I have a plan but she must be so tired as she doesn’t bother asking what and says: 

“He doesn't hate you, at least I don’t think he does. He- he isn't a person who gives positive opinions on anyone. Even me. But no, I do not think he hates you, just Mr. Douglas. Oh but he doesn't like that you are working against us. For him no less.” 

“It's not ideal, I despise him, he doesn't care about the cases, but of the fame; it makes me near vomit whenever he speaks about the women- or any woman for that matter.”

She hums in agreement, her uncle must have told her all this. “Audrey Rose, if I were to quit would your uncle offer me an apprenticeship?”

“I think so but why?”

“There are more benefits in working with your uncle than that egotistical man. The main one being right in front of me.” The words leave my mouth before I consider the consequences. I feel her grip on my shoulders tighten slightly, her gaze fixed intently at my eyes, seeking something, and her body has stopped swaying to the music. I smile, hoping to convey the utmost truth in my words. She sees it and begins to sway again, looking away and trying to calm her heart. I attempt the same. 

“You could talk to my uncle tonight, I'm sure he'd much rather discuss the case or anything remotely close to work rather than listening to my aunt.”

“Would you want me to work alongside you Wadsworth because if not I can-”

Her head whips up to me and I cringe, I've said something wrong, I just assumed she wanted to see me. “Do not finish that sentence Thomas. Of course I want you to work with me and my uncle.” 

“My brilliance is desperately needed isn't it? I mean you cannot resist my charm.” I smile and her own graces her face and the mere sight of her happy because of me makes my heart want to burst. I'm almost certain it will. She quickly acts unimpressed and rolls her eyes at me.

“No, I'm merely the one saving you from that- that man before he rots the only decent part of your brain.” She smirks at me and it's my turn to roll my eyes. 

“If you are the one saving me, will you be like the heroes in the books, because I do recall that they always give their saved maidens a kiss once they are saved?” 

Her eyes widen and her cheeks turn a deep red as she hits my arm lightly. I take that as yes as I laugh at her. The song is ending, and we've already had two dances. I should take her back to her table, I should talk to her uncle. I should do anything but kiss her. But I want to. 

Thankfully she has more self control and leads us back to her table. I stand awkwardly until she rolls her eyes at me and pushes the chair next to her with her feet for me to sit. I scowl at her slightly before meeting the gazes of all the males in her life and I revisit my early thought to perhaps dance with the murderer instead. Her father orders one of the waiters to bring a glass of champagne but I'd rather smoke. Not that this is a place to do so. The silence drowns me as the glass is set in front of me. My hands find the base and I begin to mess with the glass. Now would not be the best time to bring up the case because Jonathan Wadsworth is glaring at me. His brother elbows him slightly and then looks at me with a plastered smile. Jonathan promptly leaves in search of food and I contemplate what would be worse. Trying to follow him or stay. I steal a glance at Audrey-Rose but she has a smile dancing on her face. 

“So Mr. Cresswell, my son has been telling me a bit about you, what is it you do again?” 

“I'm a scientist sir.” His face drops and I look at Audrey Rose. 

“Surely a man of your title would pursue something other than that?”

“Science isn't about titles sir, it's just the pursuit of knowledge. You must want to know how things work, how things are made. I enjoy learning about the body, the world and how it works.” He narrows his eyes slightly and I feel as though I'm on a tightrope; any wrong word and he will push me off. Mr. Wadsworth looks at his daughter for a second before returning his attention back to his son. Once again I steal a glance at Audrey Rose and hers in on her own glass. So her father dislikes her pursuit of science. So he dislikes me too. I try and hide my contemptment and so I tap the table trying to get her attention and she looks up at me and I give her a warm smile, just for her. Only ever for her. She returns the sentiment and all I want to do is envelop her in a hug and tell her it is okay to want to pursue science. 

We remain in silence, I wonder whether I should go back to my own table but I cannot seem to be able to. Jonathan Wadsworth returns, taking a seat beside me. He is silent for some time so I speak before I begin bouncing my leg up and down. 

“Would it be okay for me to attend your school sir?” I look at his face and it reveals nothing. 

“Yes,” I sigh in relief, perhaps if I show my abilities there he will offer me an apprenticeship. I hear Audrey Rose also sigh, but for a different reason. I assume she has had no luck in being able to attend, and all it took was me asking. “On one condition,” Jonathan interrupts my thoughts, “you must stop working for Mr. Douglas.” It's a fair condition, he cannot have someone learning his theories on the crime and have them report back to someone. I consider asking to allow Audrey Rose to join me as my own stipulation but don't want to push my luck. Yet. I will ask in the future.

“Of course.” Tomorrow I shall resign, then make sure I spend lunch with Audrey Rose and discuss helping her attend the school. Not that she needs help, but I'm sure just offering her my assistance and giving her the choice to use it will be beneficial to her.

I return back to my table, albeit very reluctantly, and give some information to Mr. Douglas. I choose to ignore the surprise on his face over the fact I have some, despite me having had it for over a week now. I choose to ignore the look he gives Audrey Rose too. That is until I follow his now frowning gaze to where she is storming out of the room. He goes to stand, as though he could ever help, so I wave a hand at him and casually walk out after her. I find her nearer the edge of the garden, hands running over her arms and tears threatening to spill. 

“Miss. Wadsworth, is everything okay?” Cautiously I stand just behind her, ready to leave her if she asks to be alone; but she lets out a joyless laugh and spins to look at me. 

“Perfect, Mr. Cresswell. I am a woman in this absurd society so I must not dare think about anything remotely masculine. I must not be able to pick who I love but have my father arrange it without informing me.” The words she spits at me bite worse than the cold seeping into my bones. 

“Audrey Ro-”

“Blackburn. He chose Blackburn. He was never nice to me to be my friend, but because of him and my fathers scheming. If he hadn't been he would not have been this nice to me. I know I am not exactly the nicest person and that my interests disgust society but it was nice to have a friend.” She whispers the last part as though it pains her too. It pains me to hear it.

“Am I not your friend Audrey Rose?” The attempt at a joke is abysmal and I curse in my head at how bad I am at interacting with people, especially those I love.

“You are but you're different, you, I don't need to try with you Thomas. I have to try with everyone but you.”  I dare a step towards her and her eyes meet mine. We needn't say a thing for us to understand each other. 

“Wadsworth, I find it easy with you too. More than I even understand. This world is cruel and I wish more than anything to make it better for you, for it to be better in general. I- my father long ago gave up trying to marry me off, deeming me worthless and unable to love, and I still cannot figure out which is worse.” My voice becomes hoarse as I take her gloved hand in mine. “You are worth more to society than they realise, so please keep fighting for your freedom. I will forever remain your friend if that is what you wish to happen, to help you figure this world out.” I'll be more than your friend if you wish that too. I fail to add. Her hand tightens on mine and I fail to breathe properly. 

“Thomas,” she breathes out, it caresses me slightly, her voice smooth and sure, “you are not unlovable, your father is a fool. An utter fool. I want you by my side always, I fear I couldn't do this without you.” Closer she comes, impossible so, and I fear I may have to think about anything menial so I do not kiss her and inevitably ruin this. “What if, what if it was more than friends though?” Her question is hesitant, and my heart stops dead. We may have kissed, may have flirted, but a part of me never considered she reciprocated my feelings. “I- I’m sorry.” She stammers, taking a step back, misjudging my silent shock. I wince and keep her hand in mine. Her own shock widens on her face and I speak before she can beat me to it. 

“Wadsworth I'd like that too.”

There is a second of silence as it sinks in. “You would?” 

“More than anything. I care deeply about you. I shall court you like a proper gentleman if that is what you wish” I return to how we stood seconds ago as she snorts at my statement. 

“You are anything but a gentleman Cresswell.” The smile returns on her face as we both laugh. “It may be my favourite thing about you.” I flash her a devilish smile. 

“I am fully aware, love, that you love the scandalousness of my words. Would you like to go back inside or return home, I am sure I can get us a carriage to share.”

“Us? Thomas you do not live with me.”

“Yet.” I add. She rolls her eyes but does not disagree. “It would be ungentlemanly to let you return home alone; and purly scandalous to be in close quarters with you.” I wink as she retreats from me to where the carriages are. 

“Very well, you may escort me home. From a distance.” She adds with narrowed eyes and I laugh at her implications but follow her nonetheless. I follow her into what seems like a new life, new hopes, ones I never thought possible. Her dress swishes around her, sweeping around her ankles at her light steps. The green gems twinkle against the lamplights, her hair cascading down her back, covering the slight cut of the dress, hiding her skin. Devastating. Utterly captivating. Her footsteps stop as she realizes I have not moved. She turns to face me, brows furrowed. I blink and brush away my thoughts to follow her. 

“Are you alright?” She asks, falling into step with me. 

“Yes of course, I get to leave with the most dazzling woman at the party.” 

We link arms, pay for a carriage and start to head towards Audrey Roses’ house. We sit across from each other, but the carriage is small, and I happen to have quite long legs that are deliberately stretched out to brush against hers. I catch her trying not to stare at me so I nudge her and slowly she looks at me. “I am still watching for that kiss, Wadsworth.”

She blinks and I raise my eyebrows at her new forming blush. She had not listened to what I said at all. “Wadsworth?” I ask and she hums a response shaking her head slightly. 

“Cresswell?”

“My kiss? I am still waiting for it.”

Her brows furrowed in confusion then her eyes widened as she processed the words. I lean forward, even as doubt pricks at my mind that she doesn't want to kiss me and will throw me out of the carriage if I move any closer to her. But she doesn't allow those thoughts to take over me completely as she leans in too and her lips meet mine. Warmth fills me, as we press closer together, my hand holds her knee and tightens as she deepens the kiss slightly. The kiss is gentle, soft and somehow better than the first one. The one before had been rushed, a kiss to convey how much we were thankful neither one of us was hurt. This kiss held promise, one I fully intended to keep. I hold my best friend closely for a second longer before I pull back, I search for any doubt in her eyes but find none. I only find adoration in her bright green eyes, her flushed cheeks and slightly bruised mouth. No regret. No hesitancy. So I press a small kiss on her lips and lean back so we can regain our composure before we leave the carriage. 

“I should save you from boring events more often if it means kissing you like that.” Her answering smile leads me to believe that she'd like that too. 

(i love writing dramatic Thomas)

i am working on the asks sent, i have plans and ideas for them so watch on in the next few weeks for them. i also have a feysand idea that i want to do

tages:  @fangirling-again (thank you for editing)  @city-of-fae  @the-hoofflepooff @padfoot-sirius-black @goatahoan @kittycat2187 @loveyatopluto @goddess-of-writing @yikesitsmaddie @lovecakeandmore @boredbookwormgirl

[qqueenofhades]

Having just sent you a message the other day about how much I love your historical asks, I realized I have a question myself that you might know the answer to. I’m a Christian and I have never been able to figure out why Christianity has historically viewed non-procreative sex for pleasure as bad. (And none of my family, including my clergy father, have figured it out either. I think my dad has a bone to pick with Augustine? And I feel like Aquinas also has something to do with this.) But given that Jesus had a body and gives a speech about “the Son of Man came eating and drinking” as though he enjoyed it, how did this whole “the body is sinful especially the sex part” thing happen? I have been thinking about this a lot recently for Old Guard reasons, which should surprise no one.

Oof. So, a short and simple question, then. (Sidenote: did they expand ask limits? Because I’ve definitely gotten a couple asks today, including this one, that are longer than usual, rather than forced to space out and hope that Tumblr doesn’t eat them.)

The entire history of sexuality in the West and its relationship with Christianity throughout the centuries is obviously a topic that far, far exceeds anything I could possibly cram into this ask, but let’s see if I can hit on some of the highlights. First off, one could remark that some aspects of Jesus’s teaching managed to disappear from the official doctrine of Christianity almost immediately, and for a variety of theological, cultural, and social reasons. As anyone who has a passing knowledge of the late Roman Empire is aware, they were known for being sexually liberate (at least if you were a nobleman, as the freedom certainly did NOT apply to women), and the notorious run of emperors who were having orgies and sleeping with boys and their sisters and hosting nonstop sex parties did a lot to sour early Christianity’s relationship with it. Because pre-Constantine/Theodosian Code Rome was Christianity’s enemy (since Christians refused to perform the traditional civic sacrifices to the Roman gods, which was all that Rome required alongside permitting its citizens to practice whatever other religion they wanted), and because the emperors were such a high-profile example of sexual excess, that became an easy point of critique. Obviously, the Roman polemicists, like every other historian, should not be trusted on EVERYTHING they say about the emperors, but the general pattern is there and well-established. So Christianity, trying to establish its religious and moral bona fides, can easily go, “Well, Caligula/Nero obviously sucks, come join us and live a purer and more moral life!”

Constantine converted in the early fourth century and the Theodosian Code was issued at the end of the fourth century, which made Rome officially Catholic and represented a huge reversal of fortune for fledgling Christianity, helping it expand like crazy now that it was officially sanctioned. However, the Roman Empire was splitting into two halves, west and east, and the development of Greek Christianity in the eastern empire was strongly influenced by ascetic and austere traditions (if you’ve heard of the Stylites, i.e. the guys who liked to sit atop poles out in the Syrian desert to prove how holy they were, those are them). The cultural context of denial of the flesh and the renouncing of bodily pleasures also played intensely into the third/fourth/fifth century debates over heresy and orthodoxy. Some of the most vicious arguments came over whether Jesus Christ could have actually had an embodied (and therefore possibly inherently sinful) human body, or it was just a complicated illusion, the “shell” of a body that his entirely divine nature then inhabited without actually being part of. This involved huge theological arguments over the redemptive nature of the Eucharist and even Christ’s sacrifice: was it real/effective/genuine if he didn’t REALLY die and suffer the pain of being crucified, and was just assured that he’d be fine ahead of time? So yeah, the question of whether Christ had a real body (because then that might be sinful) was the knock-down, drag-out theological disagreement of the early centuries C.E., and left a lot of hard feelings and entrenched positions in its wake.

Likewise, your dad is correct in having a bone to pick with Augustine, at least in terms of his impact on views of sexuality in the late antique and early medieval Christian church. Augustine is obviously famous for agonizing endlessly over his sexuality/sexual urges in Confessions, his time as a Manichaean, his relationship with a woman and the birth of his son out of wedlock (and if you want a lot of repressed homoeroticism: well, Augustine’s got that too) and how his conversion to Christianity was intensely tied with his renunciation of himself as a sexual being. Augustine also pioneered the nature of the inheritance of Original Sin: therefore, every human who was born was sinful by virtue of sharing in humanity’s legacy from Eve’s transgression in the Garden of Eden. (And yes, obviously, this led to the beginnings of the embedding of clerical and social misogyny. Oh Augustine, I kind of hate you anyway because I had to read the entire goddamn 1000-page City of God during my master’s degree, but bro, you got a lot to answer for.) This involved EVEN MORE obscure speculations about whether original sin was passed down in male semen, and therefore Jesus was free of it because he was supposedly born divinely to a woman without a male father, but yeah, the idea that sexuality itself was already a suspect thing was fairly well correlated and then cemented by Augustine’s HUGE influence over the early church. Everything post-Augustine incorporated his ideas somehow, and so the idea of bodily pleasures as separating you from divine purpose got even more established.

Then we had the Carolingians in the eighth and ninth centuries, who were the first “empire” per se in Western Europe post-Rome, and who were also intensely concerned with legislating moral purity, policing the sexual behavior especially of its queens, and correlating moments of political or military defeat with insufficiently virtuous private behavior. The Carolingians likewise passed these ideas onto their successor kingdoms, especially the medieval kingdom of France (which would eventually become the pre-eminent secular power in Western Europe). Then the eleventh century arrived with the Cluniac and Gregorian Reforms (which were interrelated). One of their big goals was for a celibate and unmarried clergy on all levels of holy orders, from humble village priests to bishops and archbishops. Prior to this, clergymen had often been married, and there wasn’t a definite sense that it was bad. But because of this, and the idea that a married clergyman wasn’t pure enough to provide the Eucharist and would be distracted from his commitment to the church by a wife and family, the Cluniac and papal reformers intensely attacked sex and sexuality as evil. Priests didn’t (or rather, were not supposed to) do it, and if you weren’t in a heterosexual church-performed marriage and didn’t want children, you shouldn’t be doing it either. (Did this stop people, and priests, from doing it? Absolutely not, but that was the rhetoric.) This was about when celibacy began to be constructed as the top of the heap in terms of holy lifestyles, for men and women alike and laypeople as well as those in holy orders. NOT having sex was the most virtuous choice for anyone, even if sex was a necessary evil for having heirs and the next generation and so on. (Which is interesting considering that our hypersexualized present attaches so much value to having sex of one sort or another, and the asexual-exclusion types, but yeah, that’s a different topic for now.)

Of course, when the Cathars (a schismatic Catholic heresy in France and Italy) in the twelfth and thirteenth centuries began attacking ALL materiality and sexuality as irredeemably evil, the Catholic church went a bit like “whoa whoa that’s a little too far, hold on now, SOME sex is good, sex can be nice, we’re not actually like those guys” (even though they had been about a hundred years before). Because Cathar spirituality taught that any kind of attention or indulgence to the body was sinful, that included any kind of sex at all, even married heterosexual intercourse. (Of course, the Cathars themselves didn’t always live up to it either; see Beatrice de Planissoles and her Cathar priest lover.) The Catholic church obviously didn’t want to go THAT far, so they began rowing back some of their earlier blanket statements about the evilness of sexuality and taught that husband and wife both had a responsibility to offer each other sexual pleasure and fulfillment. I’ve answered many asks about sexual behavior and unions in the medieval era, the arguments over the definition of marriage, and how that changed over time in response to social needs and pressures, so yes. We know what the IDEALS were, and what people were legally supposed to do, but the fact that church writers were complaining about bad behavior, sexual and otherwise, literally the whole time means that, obviously, this did not always match up with reality.

The theories of the Roman physician Galen, which prescribed that female orgasm was necessary to conceive, were also well known and prevalent in the medieval world, which meant that ordinary married couples trying to have children would have had some awareness that female pleasure was supposedly necessary to do it. (This ties into my “it wasn’t an unrestrained extravaganza of violent painful rape for women all the time YOU GODDAMN MORONS JESUS CHRIST” rant, but we will recognize that I have Many Rants. So yes.) Obviously, we can’t know what the sex life of individual married couples behind closed doors was actually like, but there were a variety of teachings and official stances on sex and how it was supposed to be done, and as noted in other posts, just because the church thought it is zero guarantee that ordinary people thought that way too. People are people. They (usually) like having sex. They had sex, both gay and straight, married and unmarried, so on and so forth, even if the church had Opinions. Circle of life, etcetera.

Anyway, then the Renaissance arrived (and we just had the “why the Renaissance sucked for women” ask the other day), which prescribed a reversal of all the comparative sexual and political and social latitude that women had gradually acquired over the medieval era. It very much wanted to see women returned to their silent, domestic, maternal, objet d’arte roles that they had occupied in antiquity, and attacked the actions of women in their public and private lives as one of the major causes of the crises of the late medieval era. (Because you know, misogyny is always a useful scapegoat rather than blaming the powerful men who have fucked everything up, as we’re seeing again right now.) Because the Renaissance is regarded, fairly or unfairly, as the start of the early modern Western world, it’s where a lot of modern gender attitudes and views of sexuality became more explicitly codified and distributed faster than at any point in history before, to a more extensive audience, thanks to the invention of the printing press. We’ve obviously had moves toward sexual liberation and agency in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, and the emergence of the modern feminist and gay rights movements, but now in some ways, we’re back in oddly Puritan attitudes in the twenty-first century. And since America was founded by Puritans, their social attitudes are still embedded in the culture, fanned today by hyper-conservative Protestant evangelicalism. Even though Puritans themselves ALSO, shock surprise, didn’t always live up to the stringent standards they preached.

...whoof. I’m sure I’m forgetting something, but hopefully that gives you the broad-strokes development.

[kassysyd]

“Her Sweet Kiss” - A Short  Analysis

Preface: In my job, a key part of my role is to select and analyse various different forms of poetry (yes, lyrics are a type of poem) so, I am keenly aware of the difference between what could be considered quality poetic verse and the doggerel we frequently hear passed off as lyrics in modern songs. I was expecting the latter from the soundtrack to Netflix’s The Witcher, I was wrong.

 Although, at first listen “Her Sweet Kiss” appeared to be a simple love ballad, the uncommon depth and intricacy of the symbolism stunned and forced me to take another listen. Additionally, its arrangement within key scenes of the episode, as well as the inclusion of both alternative lyrics and instrumental versions was ingenious. I don’t have time to do a full analysis, instead, I have pulled together a basic overview of the key elements which stood out to me from this marvellously complex song. I hope this may assist you with your own interpretations.

 Before we start analysing the lyrics, let’s look at the contextual placement of this song within the episode 'Rare Species'. It is featured at three key moments; the opening scene showing Jaskier composing the song, the sex scene between Geralt and Yennifer and then finally played over the credits.   

 In the opening scene, Jaskier is shown singing and composing while waiting for Geralt to return from a hunt. The lyrics are slightly different here and include the adjectives ‘gorgeous’ and ‘lovely’ in reference to the ‘Garroter’ character. He asks the men nearby whether the metaphorical use of ‘garroter’ is too ‘cerebral’, indicating that it is indeed symbolic of someone (Geralt). The lines “I’m weak, my love, and I am wanting… Gorgeous Garroter, jury and judge”, are sung by Jaskier and introduce the concept that the narrator is in love with someone but is also conflicted about their choice to follow them on 'The Path' (more on this later). It is also important to note that the notebook resting on his thigh contains an alternative version of the lyrics which do not feature the secondary 'her' character yet and instead focus instead on the narrator’s own weakness and inability to leave what he feels in an unfair relationship 'If I were a man of more merit,  if I were a man of resolve I’d leave you behind, get my fair peace of mind'.  

 The second time the song is heard during the sex scene between Geralt and Yennifer. This time the song is purely instrumental. The moment where they first kiss, the chorus line 'She’ll destroy with her sweet kiss' is playing. As the audience had already heard some of the song, they would recognize it. But as they only heard the earlier version, which describes only the narrator’s willingness to suffer to be with the one he loves, the full significance of the song is not yet established with the audience. This lack of audible lyrics further symbolizes the narrator’s uncertain feelings towards their relationship at this point in the episode. But also unambiguously associates the song with both Geralt and Yennefer, establishing it as a proxy theme song for their romance and further supporting the argument that the characters from the song are indeed Geralt and Yennifer.

 The final time this song is heard is over the end credits, this time the song is sung by Jaskier and plays in full. The previous ambiguity is sharply contrasted here when the revised set of lyrics are presented to the audience and the true theme of the is song revealed (Jaskier’s anguish). The final scene between Geralt, Yennifer and Jaskier is key to contextualizing these lyrics as it directly foreshadows many lines and themes explored in the song. For example, in Jaskier’s line 'that’s not fair' echoing the lyrics directly and the show’s constant depiction of Yennefer using storm imagery (both themes explored in more detail below).

 The Characters

The song contains three distinct characters 'I/Narrator', 'You/Garrotter' and 'Her'.

 'I/Narrator' – The narrator of the song, possibly Jaskier – It has been established in songs such as ‘Toss a Coin to Your Witcher’ that Jaskier frequently writes from his own perspective and as clearly illustrated in the lines 'When a humble Bard, graced a ride along with Geralt of Rivia along came this song' frequently portray Geralt as their protagonist (this is also canonical for the books, but, I’m limiting my interpretations to the show). Additionally, many key themes and concepts from the lyrics directly reference Jaskier’s own life and experiences (explored in more detail in later paragraphs). It is later shown that Jaskier has written so many highly successful songs about Geralt that the prostitute in the opening scene of ‘Betrayer Moon’ was able to identify his scars by their relevant songs and was surprised to find one that she did not recognize. It can plausibly be argued that ‘Her Sweet Kiss’ is both autobiographical and includes Geralt as a key character.

 'You/Garotter' - The love interest of the narrator and also addressed as 'My Love' and 'Fool'  -  We can connect this 'Garotter' character with ‘Geralt’ through both the phonological similarity between the words and in scene featuring Marilka in the episode 'The End’s Beginning' when she points out 'Geralt'… like Garroter?' a canonically explicit linking of the names. ‘Garotter’ is a term for a killer, specifically, someone who does so through strangling, symbolic of Geralt’s employment. Jaskier himself points out that the ‘metaphor’ may be to ‘cerebral’, indicating to us the audience the need to interpret the line figuratively rather than literally.

 'Her'- The rival for the narrators love interest - A woman described as a destructive and unjust force, using wild, nature-based metaphors such as ‘storms’ and ‘currents’ to describe her ‘love’. Repeatedly throughout the show Yennefer is also described using similar nature/storm imagery, such as Geralt’s description of her 'like a tornado wreaking havoc' (a line Jaskier is shown to have overheard as the camera pans to him).  

 The evidence then supports the supposition that the song may well be written from Jaskier’s perspective, exploring his feeling regarding Geralt’s and Yennifer’s relationship (for a discussion on the dubious nature of consent in this relationship see my other post). For convenience of analysis, from here on I will be assuming the narrator is Jaskier, the 'Her' character is Yennifer and the 'You/Garotter' character is Geralt'.

 The Lyrics

  The ‘’fairer sex’’ they often call it, but her love’s as unfair as a crook.

  Jaskier opens the song by comparing the cliché of women being 'the fairer sex' with the simile 'love’s as unfair as a crook' (an old-fashioned term for a criminal or thief). As ‘fair’ has the dual meaning of both beauty and justice, his description of her as ‘unfair’ attacks both her beauty and her morality. The simile comparing her to a 'crook' (an old-fashioned term for a criminal or thief) suggests that Jaskier feels that she acts both unjustly and steals her love (a possible oblique reference Yennifer’s willingness to use magic to coerce sexual behaviour and disregard consent – as illustrated by the scene Jaskier witnessed in ‘Bottled Appetites’ where she compels a large group of apparently unwilling participants to engage in group sex). The song also echoes Jaskier’s dialogue 'That’s not fair' after Geralt unfairly lashes out at him after his argument with Yennefer, providing further evidence for the autobiographical nature of the song.   

  It steals all my reason, commits every treason of logic with naught but a look.

  Yennifer’s ‘love’, he argues ‘steals’ (continuing the symbolism of her immorality) and commits ‘treason’ (the crime of betrayal) furthering the description of her as being both unlawful and ‘unfair’ in her relationship with Geralt. These lines also illustrate the despair Jaskier feels over not being able to convince Geralt of her corrupt nature. He feels that she can defeat or prevent his ‘logic’ and ‘reason’ easily, ‘with naught but a look’.

  A storm raging on the horizon of longing, and heartache, and lust

 The show repeatedly correlates Yennifer’s behaviour with the destructive forces of nature, and storms in particular. Scenes such as that at Aretusa where she bodily subsumes lightning then uses it to attack another student and when Geralt describes her as a ‘tornado wrecking havoc’ among others, highlight this correlation. Jaskier describing her as a 'storm' that is 'raging' highlights his perception of her as both destructive and aggressive. The storm in this line is be symbolic of Yennifer herself, showing that Jaskier recognizes her arrival as leading to ‘heartache’ and ‘lust’ rather than genuine love between her and Geralt.

  She’s always bad news, it’s always lose-lose

 The repetition of ‘always’ in these lines clearly illustrate how desperately Jaskier feels about the situation. He argues that involvement with her will inevitably lead to pain and loss for all of them, there is no way to win.

  So, tell me, Love, tell me, Love. How is that just?

  This line is a direct address to Geralt (his ‘Love’), begging him to explain, to see, to speak to him and understand. The rhetorical question 'How is that just?' again draws back to the concept of the ‘unfairness’ and injustice of her relationship with Geralt, Jaskier feels that she ‘steals’ love rather than earning or winning it (again a possible reference to lack of consent). The use of a rhetorical question also implies that he feels powerless and unable to expect any response to his pleas.

  But the story is this. She’ll destroy with her sweet kiss. Her sweet kiss

  Here Jaskier is using juxtaposition to show how her ‘sweet kiss’ (symbolic of her sexual relationship with Geralt) will ‘destroy’ him. He sets the tone by stating as fact that ‘The story is this', affirming his opinion that no other possible narrative exists beyond her storm-like destruction of their relationship and Geralt himself.

  Her current is pulling you closer, a charge in the hot, humid night.

  This line again uses the theme of the destructive power of nature, Yennefer is like a ‘current’ pulling Geralt towards her. The repeated portrayal of Yennefer as a destructive force of nature somewhat dehumanises her, correlating her actions with an uncaring inhuman force rather than that of a woman with genuine affections.

 The red sky at dawn is giving a warning. You Fool better stay out of sight

 This line references an ancient mariners rhyme 'Red sky at night, sailors' delight.Red sky at morning, sailors' warning.' meant to warn sailors of an impending storm when a red sky is seen at dawn. Jaskier is again using the ‘storm’ metaphor to warn Geralt about Yennifer. He addresses Geralt directly, calling him a ‘fool’ and advising him to hide from her destruction. 

  I’m weak, my love, and I am wanting. If this is the path I must trudge.

  This line provides a key insight into the identities of the characters and their relationship to each other. In Witcher canon 'The Path' is the name given to the life of a Witcher as he journeys around the continent battling monsters. It’s somewhat comparable to the religious concept of a 'calling'. By describing his choice to accompany Geralt on his quests as 'trudging' indicates that he does not enjoy the journey aspect of their relationship, but also signals his acceptance of this as the price he must pay for a relationship with Geralt.

 To further this point, in the show Jaskier does not always join Geralt in his actual monster battles, instead, it is implied that Geralt himself later recounts the stories. This is evidenced by the lines 'Geralt’s usually so stingy with the details' and later 'I’ll go get the rest of the story from the others'. This habit of receiving the tale after the events reveals that there is no need for Jaskier to continuously accompany Geralt on his journeys, multiple tales could just as easily be collected from Geralt or others (as seen in the tavern scene) at a later date. It can be supposed then that Jaskier, therefore, chooses to accompany Geralt for ‘love’, a reason which is also explored in the notebook version of the lyrics, 'If I were a man of more merit, if I were a man of resolve I’d leave you behind, get my fair peace of mind' It is implied here that he should leave but can’t because his love for Geralt is too powerful.

  I’ll welcome my sentence, give to you my penance. Garroter, jury and judge

 Jaskier’s conflicted feelings about his choice to accompany Geralt is explored further in the line above. He described the act of joining 'the path' as a form of punishment ('sentence' and 'penance') for being 'weak' and desirous ('wanting' Geralt). This ‘sentence’ is enforced by a 'jury and judge', the Garotter (Geralt).  

 The song’s repeated use of justice/legal symbolism is interesting. He places Geralt into the role of a 'Jury and Judge' passing out sentences from a position of power and control over Jaskier (and arguably Yennefer). Yennifer is described as a 'crook' who 'steals' and commits 'treason', but is not punished for these criminal acts. Instead, it is Jaskier himself who is punished, made to give 'penance'. He feels this is an injustice and 'unfair'. This sentiment neatly reflects the events of 'Rare Species', where after his disastrous romance with Yennefer, Geralt lashes out at Jaskier, accusing him of causing all of his misfortune.

 It can be imagined then that Jaskier may have taken his half-composed love song and written new lyrics in direct reaction to that betrayal; his pain laid bare in verse.   

[smol-jinyoungie96]

The Devil Judge - Episode 6

Hi again! I just finished watching Episode 6 and man I was not prepared for any of it.

At all.

From the first time since they introduced Elijah to the storyline, she is portrayed as a teenager who despises her uncle for allegedly killing her father, but the a few episodes later they shows her softer side,She might hate Yohan but at the end of the day he is the only living family she has.

So the possibilities are that she masks her worries for Yohan behind the anger because sometimes, years worth of anger and pain might overpower any other emotions we have.

It is genuinely endearing to see that despite her openly showing her hatred towards him, she also pays close attention to him. For an example she knows that he doesn’t have a love life, or that he never stays out overnight. These are little things that she observes but never shows.

When Ga On and Elijah are talking, something that occurred to me is that she is just a child.

She’s 16.

The storyline makes us think about all the suffering for Ga On and Yohan but even Elijah carries a lot of it. All she has left is Yohan, but she has to live every single day wondering if he truly killed her father or not. She doesn’t have anyone she can talk to and that’s a lot on her plate to carry it all into her adulthood.

Elijah says “Yohan ruins everything that is close to him”

My guess is that he doesn’t do it in an intentional, destructive way but because everything that he has seen since childhood is violence, deceit, abuse, selfishness and destruction. May be pushing people away is his way of keeping them safe because I highly doubt that he received the help and the closure he needed when he was a child.

The child actors are so so so good! Their acting and the way they let out emotions through their eyes was amazing!

In the beginning, when Kang Yohan makes Sun Ah jump, for a split second it makes the viewers think that he has been a manipulator since an early age, but then as the story progresses,

he catches her stealing multiple times and interestingly, he hears her telling the caretaker that she is worried about him because he is leaving the basement a lot and that she is worried about him when she, was the one who suggested that he go out when his father was not around,

Imagine being in an abusive household, getting another child who is roughly your age trying to see it you could connect with only for her to start playing games.

He didn’t trust her then and he doesn’t trust her now, she never gave him a reason to.

I don’t think her interest in him is on a romantic light at all, it is more of an obsessive love.

Yohan saying “threats are useless, because I have nothing I wish to protect” is really just a bad move from his side.

So he doesn’t have Elijah? He doesn’t have an annoying little pest living in his house who resembles his brother?

Him saying that will only motivate her to dig deep to find what matter to him.

When he asks her what she wants and she says that she doesn’t care who he goes after as long as he stays away from the SR Foundation, it made me think that she is not stupid.

She is cunning and she just knows that telling Yohan to stay away from the foundation will only make him do the exact opposite. So there is a chance that it could be a trap?

Why did she take the cross chain from Yohan? Two possibilities, either it’s because she still likes it, or because she knows that it IS precious to Yohan, if she has it, she also has a reason to make him come back to her.

Coming to Elijah’s growing attachment to Kim Ga On,

he cares for her like a father would to his daughter, he cooks for her, he makes an effort to spend time with her, he covered her while she is sleeping etc.

No matter how much she tried to push him away, he is still there, he is becoming a constant in her life.

I’m not saying that Yohan doesn’t care for her.

Nobody cares for her more than he does probably but Yohan doesn’t openly show it.

When you’re a child, sometimes the thing you need the most is a solid presence of an adult and what she doesn’t get through Yohan, she gets through Ga On and well.. he also looks exactly like her father.

So it makes sense that she is showing a sort of a possessive attachment towards Ga On as if she is afraid that she will lose the one constant in her life.

It was wrong for Ga On to take Elijah out to meet Soo Hyun without asking Yohan first and it was also wrong of Yohan to chuck him to the wall like a ragdoll and to accuse him of taking Elijah to see a cop.

It’s obvious why Yohan is worried about his niece after everything that went down with Jung Sun Ah, but i feel like he shouldn’t have hinted towards going after Soo Hyun just to make a point.

Because for Ga On, Soo Hyun is all he has. He is already too neck deep into the Lion’s den and having the spotlight on Soo Hyun is a trigger for him.

The scene with Minister Cha and the other two women.

That was definitely Elite vs. Elite.

They are all at the same social status but when the times call for it, Minister Cha has the ability to make them drop to their knees.

The interaction between Jung Sun Ah and Minister Cha initially began with insults being thrown, belittling Sun Ah but now it has developed to a place where they help each other.

Minister Cha helps Sun Ah with the Foundation work and in return, Sun Ah helps her with taking revenge on Yohan.

Terrifyingly interesting.

Jung Sun Ah knows that Kim Ga On means something to Yohan, her first target is Ga On himself.

When it comes to Ga On, Min Jung Ho is a father figure, she already had a plan in mind when she made that biker lady trick Ga On.

When he asks Min Jung Ho, even he says that he suspects Kang Yohan and Yohan already threatened Soo Hyun so in his mind, the gears will start to work because he knows from experience that Kang Yohan really doesn’t mind going berserk when he wants someone out of his way.

Then the attention comes to Oh Jin Joo. Sun Ah is smart for this. The way she slowly poisons Jin Joo’s mind with that whole conversation about only men’s pictures being on the wall, for a moment is feels like she is encouraging Jin Joo to be ambitious but later! When the two associate judges are together, you just know that Sun Ah already got inside Jin Joo’s head when she goes “does he look down on me or something?”

Oh Jin Joo idolizes Yohan. So for her to slowly turn against him..

So technically her plan is to turn the baby associates against Yohan.

Bad lady

Coming back to Ga On struggling, he keeps seeing things that makes him rethink his intuitions when it comes to Yohan.

First it was the children playing with the ruler and now it’s a group of weird cult going around flogging people because “According to Kang Yohan, he will accept people’s wishes and flog terrible human beings”

So once again, the public adapting barbaric punishments from what they see in court, does make Ga On rethink about his choices.

Soo Hyun’s Attack

Obviously Yohan is keeping tabs on both Soo Hyun and Ga On, but then again, the drama really has their way of making the viewers think hard, For an instance,

The phone conversation Yohan has, the guy says “there is a chance she might know about the transfer”

Indicating that, to viewers again it makes us think that Kang Yohan really may have had something to do with the bribing or that they might actually go after Soo Hyun, but we all know that Yohan would never and it was pretty obvious who it was with the gloved hand,

So in conclusion,

biker lady attacks Soo Hyun, takes the passbook, gives it to Sun Ah who then plots with Minister Cha but unfortunately,

The threat Yohan made against Soo Hyun is too fresh in Ga On’s mind so obviously he suspect him first,

They highlighted that god damn German scissor too many times in Episode 6 and of course it is the same scissor Yohan stabs literal inches away from Bambi’s face.

Which was really an intricate scene, Jinyoung and Jisung as actors played it so beautifully. The unhinged anger and the disappointment in Yohan and the way Ga On realized that the man behind him is actually genuinely dangerous.

You can see the exact moment when that fear and realization sinks in Ga On.

That Yohan could hurt him badly if he wanted to.

Ga On functions on emotions when he’s not being a judge, so if he had actually taken a breather before provoking his boss with violent tendencies, he might have realized that Kang Yohan is just too smart to do something like that so out in the open.

There’s no doubt that Yohan really lets Ga On get away with a lot of shit he does.

But for some reason, the way he warned Ga On to never again attack him, felt like his first and last warning to me.

I absolutely LOVED the way Minister Cha thought that Yohan would crumble in front of her but my man just tells her to do whatever she wants… she should know that he wouldn’t be Kang Yohan if he didn’t wasn’t hundreds of steps ahead of them.

Something that I admired in the last scene is despite how annoyed or how mad Oh Jin Joo and Kim Ga On are at Yohan, when things get heated professionally, the two baby associates were so worried about him and they were completely ready to stand by his side even when they didn’t know any actual detail. Proud of my babies 🥺

But then, Kang Yohan accepting the allegations and Dr. Safety’s random appearance right at that moment seemed a little sus.

Almost too well timed.

Kang Yohan confidently asking the public to judge him because he knows that the public is on his side especially now that the reason for the money transfer is out in the open.

Kang Yohan’s decision of counterattacking the the Dream House Project right when the public take his side was a very smart move.

It was Minister Cha who tried to drag him through the mud but in turn he targets every single one of them socialites.

The last part felt like he was actually declaring war. The drama isn’t about poor vs. rich. It’s all about the internal works of the powerful class and I can’t wait to see how intense everything is going to be.

Lastly, the preview for Episode 7.

Why on earth did Yohan decide to bring out Ga On’s parents’ death and their case to the media?

Why take him to the jail?

Why rip open wounds from 13 years ago?

I know it’s stupid to jump in to theories and conclusions before we watch the episode because he always has a reason for everything he does,

But it made me think for a second was it because he wants to push Ga On to the limit until he breaks to the point where he has to solely rely on Yohan?

Because i get that Min Jung Ho is the parental figure in Ga On’s life but if Ga On were to ask him intense questions about his parents case, Min Jung Ho wouldn’t be completely honest with him, probably for Ga On’s safety but also there might be somethings that needs to stay hidden,

But Kang Yohan isn’t like that. He would be blunt and brutally honest if Ga On started asking him questions about his parents.

If Ga On were to rely on Yohan, that would also mean that Yohan would have control over him, either to use him as a pawn or to control Bambi enough to keep him safe and out of being targeted.

Lastly, am I the only one who is suspicious of Min Jung Ho?

If you made it this far again, thank you for reading my stress rant.

Now i’ll go back to silently stressing about next week because i have nothing better to do.

[mousehole5000]

wow i made this draft on november 1st i really took a break from this huh anyway tgcf chapters 121 - 142

i realize now this coffin scene was inevitable. feel kinda weird about hua cheng  back and forth from Teen to Big Man but it is very funny that theyre having their “dude dont look at my boner” moment while in the jaws of a water dragon

pei ming: why didnt you guys make a bigger coffin so you didnt have to squish together like that? xie lian: haha yep!! anyways what brings you here?

“In the grand, spacious centre of the entrance hall sat a person. And this person, dressed in all black, its face snow-white—was a corpse! Instantly Xie Lian shut the doors soundly.” - king of minding his own business.

okay this is where i stopped putting notes here for a while but i did save some in my e-reader so here’s some of the highlights

“Guzi used to have a good sleeping form, but perhaps with his cheap dad’s bad influence, now he was also spread out on top of Qi Rong’s stomach like a dead fish. Lang Ying himself was curled neatly in the corner, and was covered by a few shirts. Xie Lian lifted the blanket covering Qi Rong, suppressed the urge to smother his face, and covered the two small children.” - xie lian funny moments. also it would be really funny if qi rong redeems himself by learning love through these misfit chiildren and it might actually endear me to him but i hope that doesnt happen

Every heavenly official was yelling, and even Ling Wen was throwing a fit. “DON’T THROW EVERY BIT OF USELESS INFORMATION MY WAY, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK I HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVERY DAY? DON’T YOU ALL KNOW TO USE YOUR BRAINS A LITTLE BEFORE ASKING ME?!” - ling wen marry me right now

“An expression like “seen a ghost” that only mortals experienced was now showing on his face for the first time. Shi Wudu’s pupils shrank to the smallest they could, and he blurted, “You’re still alive?!” “I’m dead!” He Xuan said coldly.” - okay everythings going tits up rn but i did laugh

i did see spoilers re: ming yi/he xuan reveal + shi wudu’s fate beforehand so i dont have a genuine reaction other than oh shit

“He slowly enunciated each word. “I won’t touch your fate. But, here in this place, chop off your brother’s head for me.”  CLANG! He threw a rusty blade onto the ground. Shi Qingxuan stared at that blade, his eyes wide. He Xuan continued, “Then, never show yourself before me again, and I will pretend you’ve never existed in this world.” - okay idk what else is going to happen but rn im concerned that this is like the 2nd biggest ship. i guess we’ll see?? i mean i am really curious whats going to happen to them. shi qingxuan keeps calling he xuan “ming-xiong” and i... sad

shi wudu im not really invested in you as a character but these next two bits... interesting

“If I don’t die but have nothing, then that’s truly a fate worse than death. If I’m not the Water God, I can’t take care of you. I won’t even be able to protect myself. I’m scared that we won’t even last two days…TAKE IT!” - damn. something about the wealthy losing everything and not knowing how to live without it bc thats their entire life and identity

“EVERYTHING I HAVE TODAY, I FOUGHT FOR MYSELF. I WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT I DON’T HAVE. I WILL CHANGE FATE I DON’T POSSESS. MY FATE IS UP TO ME AND NOT THE HEAVENS!” - okay so the whole committing spiritual fraud by tormenting a man and his family to get your brother a cushy title thing aside this was kind of badass. heretical? possibly. but still. also is he intentionally riling up he xuan so sqx doesnt have to kill him? if so damn...

also okay as long as im here im just gonna say it. the choice that he xuan gives shi qingxuan is fucking brutal but i actually think its probably as fair as it could be. sqx didnt know about or participate in what happened to hx but they did benefit from it greatly while hx lost EVERYTHING and i can understand he xuan’s thinking of “if you really feel bad for what happened to me then you have to make a sacrifice and understand the suffering and this is as clean as its going to get” and theres a bit where sqx is trying to beg for mercy but cant get the words out which im guessing is bc theres no good argument!! what happened was fucked up!!

“When Pei Ming saw that reinforcements had arrived, he didn’t appear particularly delighted; instead he threw the sword into the ground, then rubbed his nose and said, sounding grim, “You all just had to come just as I finished making these, what the heck.” - pei ming making coffins chopping down trees with his sword i love it #wastehistime2k17

“Xie Lian brought that basket of eggs along, and gave them away as souvenirs from the mortal realm. Many who received the eggs were overjoyed; some deciding to eat it along with their own blood, and some proclaiming they would hatch an eight-foot monster.” - GHOST CITY GHOST CITY

“Placing the brush down, he blew lightly at the ink and smiled. “If I like something, then my heart will not have room for any other, and I’ll always treasure it. A thousand times, a million times, no matter how many years, this will not change. This poem is the same." - thats nice and all but king... get therapy. i actually have further thoughts but tbh i dont want to put them into words bc they are simply too personal! moving on

didnt take any notes but somewhere in here was the bit with mount tong’lu opening and hua cheng losing it and kind of um. hm. that scene. thats another trope i really hate tbh i dont care for it as a way of including physical intimacy between characters and idk if it really ever adds anything but whatever moving on

The Half-Maquillage Woman - kind of interesting monster idea bc women and aging…. yeah. however i think this would be a lot stronger if there were a) more girls and this was b) discussed or illustrated at all prior to this moment. still interesting that its included knowing the author is a woman tho and there’s been comments on how ling wen is perceived vs pei ming. this book does keep giving me hope for interesting female character arcs i really want it to deliver something

quan yizhen..... i get u

lmao i have a note on a bit with lang ying that says “please dont be hc in disguise” and..... my clown nose was on but at least i knew that. for real this is bothering me how much he’s just. always. there. i know he’s a lead but we didn’t really need him around for a lot of this. oh well.  okay now to my current notes

“Yet it was precisely because it wasn’t cooked that it had to be eaten quickly. Once Xie Lian cooked it, it wouldn’t be edible anymore” - fucking fantastic

“Xie Lian hugged his belly. “Of course! Only after having met you did I rediscover that it’s such a simple thing to be happy, hahaha…” Hearing this, Hua Cheng blinked. Xie Lian’s laughter quieted a bit, realizing what he just said was a little too revealing.” - okay i know i said what i said about being tired of hua cheng being everywhere but... the line…. the fact that theyre laughing together…. :pleading:

“It’s not,” Ling Wen said. “At least, I believe, there will definitely not be another in history who can create a dish called ‘Incorruptible Chastity Meatballs’” - and truer words were never spoken

“I, DO NOT WORSHIP GODS. “I, AM GOD!” - this was every bit as badass as i hoped but no one told me it was immediately followed up by a little bit of the ol dinner theater fjalkdsfjsd. also puqi shrine noooooooooo

“Xie Lian sighed as he thought, “Qi Rong has taken Guzi away, who knows if the poor child was eaten or abandoned. Wind Master...... ..... who knows if Black Water took him away. Pray they’re both safe.” yeah hey are we going to fucknig. find out what happened to the child???

and yeah i dooooont really care for the age regression? thing thats going on. i just dont like that trope tbh. but tiny hua cheng whipping out his fat ghost king wallet in the store was funny tho. it is really funny that hualian are just like wandering around some random towns while the heavens are in an uproar. i guess theres not much else to do but its funny

“Me too, me too. You all know of my shixiong, right? Talented, with an infinite future! He only had one small vice: he loved playing women. Decades ago, a little prostitute ghost seduced my shixiong and sucked him dry into human jerky, and that Hua, Hua, Hua, that ghost king dared shelter her.” - yes omg give me the forbidden hua cheng lore i love this for him for real it goes along nicely with xie lian’s principles about giving another cup. god i love shared values

“Hua Cheng poked again, and a small hole appeared on the wall, as if the wall was made of tofu.” - how’d he do that. why is this a ghost king power. its useful tho

*me shaking qi rong when he pops up* WHERE IS THE CHILD

mu qing fu yao is here okay im happy now. once again no one has a good grasp on their secret identity and i love that. this inn has descended into chaos and im delighted and im glad lan chang is back

“The good ol’ kitchen was suddenly squished and crowded, loud and noisy. Fu Yao was chasing that fetus spirit leaping up and down, Lan Chang was chasing after Fu Yao like she had gone mad. Half of Qi Rong’s face changed shape by the way Xie Lian was pressing him down on the chopping board, his back turning into a target for those yellow talismans Fu Yao hurled while being observed by a crowd, and Lan Chang would step on him from time to time.” - this is pure chaos. i love that mu qing was in that room when the mob checked and he didnt say a word didnt open the door just sent out a talisman as a warning. king your disguise is transparent

“Xie Lian remembered the way Feng Xin laughed until he was hoarse when he first heard that verbal password all those years back, and couldn’t help but feel nostalgic, even though it wasn’t the right time.” - awwwww omg im emotional about this... faithful friend feng xin laughing at xie lian’s stupid joke password and remembering it!!! ;_;

“They have, but they’re not effective,” Feng Xin said. “Usually they’re the most diligent in scorning the Palace of Ling Wen, like they could do the job way better if they had the position. Now that we need them to take up the task, not a single one can do even half of what she does.” - typical... typical typical typical

also emotional about the fact that feng xin contacted xie lian at all.....

also!! emotional about lan chang as a mom and wanting to help out sick lil guzi.....

xie lian forcing “fu yao” to let him help “his general” is making me.... what is friendship if not playing along with your buddies little shenanigans while also making them accept your help

“Someone like Mu Qing, even though he’s narrow-minded, petty, sensitive and skeptical, has a bad personality, constantly guessing, doesn’t say nice things, likes to nag, always offending people and has a lot of people who dislike him, has no friends, can remember small, unimportant details for a long period of time…” ”Xie Lian went on in one breath with a straight face, but in the end he concluded with, “...But I’ve known him since we were kids, after all, he’s still got principles.” - XIE LIAN PLEASE AFJDLKSFJDL omg ive seen this quote before but i figured he was talking to someone else not actually to mu qing himself fgjasdkfjsl. god thats amazing. hey im gonna help you out because i care but i will roast you first <3

waaaaaait so is lan chang aka jian lan that girl from book 2 we took a page to talk about and then disappeared? that has to be it why else would we have stopped to discuss her

“Jian Lan spat on his face, then choking his neck, she slapped him twice again. “WHAT SHITTY SUPREME! YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO BLOW YOURSELF UP! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THINK YOU’RE EVEN WORTH TO BE THOUGHT OF AS EQUALS WITH THE OTHER THREE SUPREMES? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN GOOD AT? YOUR THICK SKIN? OF COURSE I DARE HIT YOU!” - oh this feels so good i cant lie. YES GET HIM!! CHOMPING AND VIOLENCE YES!!!!

okay this description of cuocuo.... im... that sure the hell is a creature

this book is so entertaining bc i already saw spoilers for the feng xin/jian lan/cuo cuo reveal and yet i could never have predicted the circumstances that brought it about. imagine being feng xin. the heavens are in an uproar and your only friend/enemy has been jailed for possible fetus spirit-related crimes but he escapes along with this female ghost who keeps causing problems. you figure “fuck it lets see if dianxia kept his old phone number” and he has but then he hangs up on you. you’ve got fuckall else to do so you go find him. mu qing is there but he’s in his disguise the two of you were using so you could watch over his highness while staying aloof. you think you see hua cheng only he’s a chiild for some goddamn reason but who knows at this point. the female ghost is also there and theres a fetus spirit climbing trees and biting your arrows in half. you realize the female ghost is your ex and the little demon is your son. it bites you. what do you do

amazing that despite everything going on everyone is still playing along with the “fu yao” persona when it would probably be easier to drop pretenses at this point. then again tbh if i could explain my actions to my friends while pretending to be a third party.... i probably would so.. carry on

“With all his devotees gone, only Feng Xin still treated him like the Flower-Crowned Martial God and His Highness the Crown Prince. ” “...his protection charms were all seen as trash. However, Feng Xin was still determined and tireless in handing them out; telling Xie Lian, look, you still have devotees.” “After all, he was the darling of the heavens since birth, high and mighty. Feng Xin so naturally spun around him like he was the world, so how could he possibly have his own life, his own heart” “Whether or not that fetus spirit was Feng Xin’s son, if it was that period of poverty that made Feng Xin lose the girl he loved, Xie Lian wouldn’t be able to forgive himself no matter what." ohhhh my god this relationship i. im...

oh my god i still have 30 more chapters until book 4............ its naptime now i think

[comradeclown]

OK, so in honour of my top posts now being me saying at various degrees of length that Arthur is gay (hashtag mylegacy, lmao…), I thought I should just go for it and actually dive in a bit a lot into why I read the character as gay. Now, usually all the justification I need to read a character as gay is “wouldn’t it be cool if this character I like/relate to/etc were gay like me?” and “it’s OK, officer, I do what I want”, and I’m well aware that 99% of the time it’s me using my own creativity to do a resistant reading + the film/book/whatever bumbling into subtext entirely by accident. And while I definitely don’t think there’s ever any more justification needed for any kind of LGBT reading, lol, as it comes to Arthur, obviously feel free to disagree with me, but I honestly think my read of him as a gay man is entirely textually supported, however unwitting and accidental that might have been on the part of the filmmakers (mind you, I don’t think it was Todd Phillips’ conscious intent, but I’m like… 85% sure Joaquin Phoenix knew exactly what he was doing).

(ETA that this is extremely long, so I’ve put it all under a cut.)

First of all, there’s of course… pretty much the entirety of Joaquin Phoenix’s performance (a very, very small sample can be found in my he gay son tag and just generally in my arthur fleck tag, ha), from his mannerisms to his physicality to the way he interacts with other characters. I know part of it is a function of wanting to go back to the character’s campy roots (which are themselves… you know…), and I know I’m relying on stereotypes to some extent, but first of all, you can’t divorce either camp or gender non-conformity from LGBT history and existence, and secondly this is literally how characters have been coded as gay throughout the entire history of cinema. What I’m saying here is that you can’t have a character who acts like Arthur does, literal limp wrist and all, or says “come on, Muuuurrrayyy, do I look like the kind of girl clown who could start a movement” the way he does, to pick one of many, many examples, and not evoke the long history of cinematic wink emojis at People Like Me.

That in itself would… honestly be plenty, lol, but it could be chalked up to, idk, Joaquin Phoenix doing his own thing, were it not for the fact that it’s completely reinforced at every turn by the filmmaking language, even down to his wardrobe choices, and it’s worth noting at this point that the framing is always one of empathy — albeit with nuance — and affording the character subjectivity, rather than being “ew, look at this gross [homophobic slur]”. Like, the very first time we see Arthur, literally our first impression of the character, he’s at a mirror, putting on make-up and then ruining it by crying, and while the make-up is of course part of his job, this is just not how the inner crises of straight male characters are expressed in the language of cinema. Of note too is the fact that he’s clearly visually separated from his co-workers in all the scenes at Ha-Ha’s, indicating his alienation from them, and while this could be chalked up purely to his disabilities, I don’t buy that that’s the only reason, given that Gary gets shit due to his dwarfism, sure, but at the end of the day he’s clearly “one of the boys” in a way Arthur (can’t be) isn’t.

There are honestly so many examples of the framing working to separate Arthur from conventional masculinity and heterosexuality that I’m just going to pick some highlights, such as: obviously, the way he expresses himself emotionally through dancing (to the point that one of his coworkers explicitly ribs him about it, “if your dancing doesn’t do the trick”), which again is not something that straight male characters do in the language of cinema. The fact that all the media we see him consume is musicals, classic comedies and a talk show he’s obsessively fannish about and watches with his mother — and we know he’s a fan of the show as a whole, not just Murray, hence him saying “I love Dr Sally” (and the way he says it…). Or, speaking of his media habits, when he’s dancing with the gun while watching Shall We Dance, this could have so, so easily been about him ~regaining his lost masculinity~ through, say, fantasies of revenge or badassery, but instead it’s about him being acknowledged as a great dancer and punishing bad dancers, and it all ends in slapstick anyway.

Also, while I’m on this topic, I want to address the nature of Arthur’s dissociative fantasies about Sophie. Honestly, I don’t read them as indicative of genuine romantic/sexual interest at all, because the film frames them as identical to Arthur’s more deliberate daydreams about Murray. I mean, not that I’m adverse to gay readings of that if that’s what you want to do, lmao, but to me they’re both very clearly post-traumatic fantasies of having another person look after you for once, of having someone value and cherish you and take care of you emotionally (which obviously has massive appeal if you’ve been dealing with the after-effects of catastrophic trauma all your life but nobody has given a shit about your suffering and you’ve had to be the one to look after other people to boot). Note that after the get-together with Sophie — which is clearly patterned after all those old comedies and musicals Arthur watches — the Sophie fantasies are incredibly platonic and involve things like having another person be there for you in a crisis, telling you something supportive, getting you a hot drink (in contrast with the reality of the hospital scene, in which Arthur is alone and he’s the one trying to comfort someone else, i.e., holding Penny’s hand), essentially no different from fantasy!Murray hugging Arthur and knowing exactly what to say to make him feel good about himself. Also note that both fantasies involve being the object of someone else’s affection, Murray picks Arthur out of the audience and Sophie comes to him, it’s a pillow princess Cinderella fantasy, more than someone loving you it’s about being loved. (And, once more, this could easily have all been v. v. different, the Murray fantasy could have been the much more conventionally masculine fantasy of being a famous comedian and being invited on Murray’s show, the Sophie fantasies could have had an undeniable sexual component, etc.)

Anyway, to get back to the general point of cinematic framing, again if the movie didn’t want me to read Artie as gay, it shouldn’t have had a pivotal moment in his character arc be him sitting at his mother’s vanity table, doing a new make-up look which involves using her lipstick, and then having a Moment while he’s literally holding a quasi-glamour shot of her.

And the thing is, all these reams of stuff aren’t even the key piece of the puzzle for me, which is the way in which the film as a whole can be read as a gay narrative. I’ve posted before about how part of the emotional catharsis of the film is about Arthur finally shamelessly embracing and even revelling in all his freakishness and socially-despised traits, a big one of which being what is arguably his effeminacy and… honestly I don’t need to explain how that’s a classic gay (and more generally LGBT) narrative, do I? Like, there’s a reason why a pivotal scene is Arthur having his hair-dyeing underwear rave in a flat that’s suddenly incredibly bright and sunny for the first time, it’s about reclaiming the pain and ugliness of your life and your circumstances into a space of potential liberation, which is honestly why this movie is always going to be incredibly personally meaningful to me for so many reasons, but definitely meaningful to me as a gay woman. (Again, this could so, so easily have been about him becoming some stone-cold badass or whatever, but instead the film has him dye his hair, put on a super garish new outfit and new make-up look, dance shamelessly in the street, and be incredibly campy on national television.)

More generally, there’s other aspects of the narrative arc that tie into this general theme and which also serve to continually distance Arthur from the conventional cinematic narratives of heterosexual manhood: for instance, once he starts fully embracing the Joker persona — which is… just Arthur, the crucial difference is in how others perceive him and how he perceives himself — any attraction to women, feigned or real, goes completely out the window and the only genuinely affectionate interaction he has with another human being is with Gary (I know we all love to joke about his first kiss being with Dr Sally, but it’s obviously Comedy Jokes and he doesn’t even kiss her for real, his make-up is completely intact; Arthur’s only real kiss in the movie is when he kisses Gary). Or, when Arthur’s personal narrative finally intersects completely with the larger social narrative — which is itself about upheaval, reclamation and potential liberation — the big triumphant moment is him once again dancing, this time for a cheering crowd, and using blood like lipstick to redraw his smile.

Or even, to a lesser extent, his whole sub-plot with his mother, before I watched the film I was worried that this was going to be the usual narrative about the henpecked guy who finally puts the bitch in her place as part of becoming a Real Man, and it’s not at all, quite the opposite, Arthur is not henpecked and is clearly in charge of the household, he genuinely loves Penny — and is confident she loves him back — and enjoys doing at least some things with her (them watching the Murray Franklin Show together), and up until the reveal any issues he has with her are largely the product of having to look after an ill person with zero social support and while working a physically and emotionally demanding job and dealing with his own disabilities. When he kills her, it’s a deeply sad and self-destructive scene and it’s the result of his profound anguish and sense of betrayal and he frames it as the bitter, trauma-haunted dark half of self-actualisation and self-acceptance (“that’s the real me”, “I haven’t been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”, “now I realise… it’s a fucking comedy”).

Or, at a more meta-textual level, the way the film is unabashedly both a pulpy thriller and a melodrama, just shamelessly embracing all its emotions, its pain and catharsis, without a trace of irony. Like, yeah, part of this is the immense sincerity and compassion Joaquin Phoenix brings to his performance, but it really is the movie’s approach as a whole, and when there is humour — and I do think there’s quite a lot of humour in the movie — it’s not the distancing, let’s-not-feel-anything-too-deeply-bro humour of your typical MCU movie, it’s the camp sensibility of laughing with and at your own tragedy. (Myriad examples down to the use of certain songs in the soundtrack.)

On a final note, you guys know how much I don’t care about authorial intent, but I feel compelled to point out that in his director’s commentary, Todd Phillips says, while discussing Arthur’s journey into becoming Joker, that he reads the larger pop-cultural character of the Joker as someone who doesn’t want women, and like… Again, it’s not like I think that he was deliberately making a gay narrative in any way, it’s just that if you’re creating this journey of a man who eventually becomes a character who’s not interested in women in that sense, you’ve also just ended up stumbling into a gay narrative accidentally on purpose, lmao, what’s the real difference between “at the end of the story, Arthur doesn’t want women because he’s ~da Joker now, baby, he doesn’t want anything~” and “at the end of the story, Arthur doesn’t want women because he’s gay and he’s no longer deeply repressed and closeted”?

Anyway, like I said, feel free to disagree, he’s a fictional character, lol, but this is where I’m coming from, and the reason why if everyone involved in the movie decided to make a statement tomorrow about how much Arthur Fleck wants to bone women I’d just say “shit, idc, I’m afraid you made a gay movie about Arthur Fleck, a gay man, it’s a little too late to retcon this bitch now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”. Also this is over 2,000 words long what the fuck I am so sorry

[margridarnauds]

What's your ranking for all Japanese Marie Antoinette roles you know?

Thank you so much for asking this, since it lets me talk about some of my favorite musicals! 

[warning for some critical talk + references to sexual harassment, because.....1789′s take on Artois.]

1. Marie Antoinette das Musical (Rena Sasamoto) - Having an entire musical DEVOTED to her really helped as far as making her a real character, and in my opinion, it shows very well with her portrayal. Elegant, generous, and kind, but also stubborn and naive. She can be very infuriating, but I think that, in the end, the audience can see WHY Fersen loves her so much and why even Margrid is able to feel pity and respect for her. I also give it props for actually showing that, by the time the musical begins in 1784, Antoinette HAD given up her partying in favor of her family. In many ways, it’s a more mature take on Antoinette that I think we also see traces of in Azure Moment and Kaname Ouki’s portrayal in 1789. She does still struggle with the urge to spend, but she’s resolved to be a better queen; the tragedy is that it’s too late. Probably one of my favorite Antoinette portrayals in general. 

2. Azure Moment - NOT a musical that I discuss very often, which is a pity because it’s very worth discussing. (A guilty admission: I STILL need to watch it with subs.) But I do feel like Antoinette is dealt with very evenly there; she’s still frivolous, yes, but there’s something under the surface, she’s much more even, not as high-energy or brainless as some of the portrayals lower on the list are, and it’s genuinely sad to see her relying on Ademar and Simon after all her friends abandon her. (Also, on a purely aesthetic level, I FEEL like she resembles the historical Antoinette a little more? She has a much squarer face than I generally see, which I feels suits her very well.) It’s not the BIGGEST role, given that this is a musical that isn’t REALLY about her, but I think it did some interesting things with how little she is there. I felt like she was perhaps a little smarter than Antoinette’s generally allowed to be, a little more intuitive, and though I don’t think we’ll EVER see a Takarazuka show showing Antoinette’s pragmatism and subtle streak of ruthlessness...it was a little refreshing to see something that didn’t seem ENTIRELY cookie cutter. 

3. 1789 (Kaname Ouki) - Look. I’ll be blunt. I’m fairly certain that her singing has nearly shattered several glasses in my apartment. She hits that high note at the end of the Je Mise Tout reprise and several neighborhood cats shriek at what they suspect is one of their friends in danger. I wish that we could have heard what she sounded like in the 2016 album, but alas. For reasons that NO ONE CAN EVER FULLY KNOW, we didn’t. BUT. BUT. I do like that she plays Antoinette a little bit more down to earth, it makes her transition in Act 2 very plausible. I feel like, even in her partying days in Act 1, she isn’t really INTO *it* per se, she’s more interested in it because it’s a distraction, but she’s slowing down. (Which makes sense, given that, historically, by 1789 Antoinette HAD fully given up her partying ways, but alas.) I think that her argument with Fersen really shows a certain genuiness, as a lonely woman who’s terrified that the one person who really has her best interests at heart is abandoning her. And she does have a nice, silvery voice when she doesn’t force it, and that gives her a somewhat eerie sense to her “Je vous rends mon âme”, which is sealed by her self-awareness, turning away from the audience and resolvedly walking away after the sound of a guillotine falling is played, fully aware of her fate. 

4. 1789 (Takarazuka) - I felt like Manaki Reika did a WONDERFUL job balancing Act 1 Antoinette’s carelessness with Act 2 and, in my opinion, probably had the best balance of acting and singing overall. There’s a reason why she is an absolutely legendary Top Star, and she shows it here. “But Rachel,” you might ask, “Why is she rated so lowly? Especially when you spent the first few sentences of the last one savaging Kaname Ouki?” And I feel like the reason is, in this case, the writing. Her dialogue with Artois, for example, indicates that she knows that he uses aphrodisiacs on women, she KNOWS what his reputation is, and she still lets Olympe be in the same area as him. Unmarried, unprotected Olympe who doesn’t have the social standing to recover. (Note: Historical!Antoinette was faced with a similar situation re: one of her ladies in waiting and Artois, and she had the woman sent away to Paris except when it was absolutely necessary. Why? Because historical!Antoinette CARED about the people around her.) And, then you have the bit during the 1st act finale where she says that her suffering is the same as that of the common people, and you just have to sit back and go “....really Antoinette? Really?” As an actress, as a singer, she was GREAT, and there are little touches that she leaves that are great (a personal favorite is the Raku performance, where she is visibly horrified and shaken by the guillotine at the end of “Je vous rends mon âme”), but...unfortunately...the writing. Which is why I would LOVE to see her do Toho 1789 one of these days, though it would inevitably be heartbreaking for me since it’s VERY unlikely I would be able to see it. 

5. 1789 (Ryuu Masaki) - Masao’s infectious spark is DEFINITELY present in her Antoinette, and I do appreciate seeing that. Her Antoinette is IN LOVE with life and is enjoying living it up. Honestly, I do love seeing her on stage. But. BUT.  Masao, while a solid singer (If I’m just LISTENING to the Antoinettes, I’ll pick hers any day of the week) has never been described as the best actress. And, unfortunately, some of the issues that were present in her Takarazuka run (Never 5get her questionable moans in Takarazuka Maniaque) are still very present in her brief Toho run, with an accidentally side-splitting moan when Louis-Joseph dies being a highlight (?). Overall, her Antoinette comes off as less nuanced, a little bit more like an 8 year old stuffed into the body of a 30 year old, and so, as far as OVERALL portrayal, I have to hand it to Kaname Ouki. I will say that, on one last note, BECAUSE she’s such a high energy Antoinette, seeing her at the end in her execution gown, completely sober, is spine-chilling.

6. Hanafusa Mari. Now, you might wonder why I didn’t bother to specify which particular take on Antoinette I’m referring to, given that she’s played the role twice: Once in 1789 (which wasn’t filmed, so I have to judge off of what friends who DID see it have said, the album, and the little digest footage available), once in Marie Antoinette das Musical (which I DO own), and the reason for that is essentially the same as why she’s rated so lowly on the list: She plays the same role regardless of the musical. And that role has all the depth of plastic, going between saccharine sweetness worthy of Dolores Umbridge herself and self-pitying whingeing that kind of makes you want the revolutionaries to just get on with it, with comparatively little in-between. She has a solid voice, I would never deny her training, she’s certainly had the best training (and career) that money can buy, but there’s a certain grating quality to it. And, when she is put up against another star, she tends to try to outbelt them instead of letting her voice flow smoothly with theirs (Mario Tashiro’s Fersen in MA is a notable example, giving the two of them....a significantly lower degree of chemistry). I feel like the best Antoinettes will have the audience crying by the end WITHOUT demanding “PITY ME. MY LIFE IS SO SAD. PITY ME,” and in her case....she doesn’t ask, she forces. 

7. Marie Antoinette das Musical 1.0 (2006). Ah, the original, debut version of the musical. There’s a reason they changed it. Marie is presented as a petulant, vain child with a cruel streak (sloshing champagne in Margrid’s face), fake-crying whenever Louis tells her that they need to lower their spending. I HATED her. And I know that the overall idea is that she starts off as a bitch but then shows more as the musical goes on, but it was still a little too vicious for me to feel........anything by the end. Like, I’m fully #TeamOrléans in that version (okay, in general, but that’s BESIDE the point), because.......why should we have ANY sympathy for this woman? She’s terrible! 

My guilty admission is that I’ve never actually watched either the Rose of Versailles or Lupin III, which I know also are key musicals for her portrayal, especially RoV since, last I checked, it massively influenced the public perception of Antoinette in Japan and is really the key reason why the French Revolution is SUCH a thing in terms of pop culture. I did TRY once, but I kind of....fell asleep during the former. (In defense of RoV, I WAS very sleep deprived at the time and had just marathoned the Scarlet Pimpernel; I’m sure it’s lovely, though, if I recall correctly, it’s a little TOO much pastels and glitter for my taste.) 

[chiseler]

THE CHISELER INTERVIEWS ANDY McCARTHY

Chiseler: Please tell our readers when you began digging into obscurantist concerns -- these strange and neglected corners of New York history. Give us a sense of how it all started, and some idea of the scope here. Andy McCarthy: I worked as a New York City tour guide on the red doubledecker buses between 2004 and 2011, and Times Square was one of the highlights of the tour. The tour began and ended in Times Square — New York begins and ends in Times Square.  The history of the world's entertainment district is a big subject — lots to talk about and always more to learn. Plus everyone hates Times Square.  Elmo probably even hates it. So it was even more inspired to find the appreciation for the experience of it as it is now in the present.  Like going to a Starbucks in the East Village and finding yourself talking to the ghost of Joey Ramone, who loves the Tall Blonde.  West 42nd Street in particular was always a synapse-inducing subject — it isn't that it's obscurantist (except maybe for understanding the real estate chronology), but that there are a million ways of approaching it — it's the brightest neighborhood in America after all — the old theaters, the showbiz history, labor action, smut lore, the "cleanup" and failed redevelopments before the final wrecking ball in the 1990s, etc. Anyhow in 2012, film programming friends were putting together a series that revolved around the history of W. 42nd Street — they called it THE DEUCE, after the nickname for the block between Seventh and Eighth Avenues. The idea was to program a movie that once played in one of the theaters on the Deuce, and I would perform an intro monologue/ slideshow about the history of the theater. We did our first screenings in the backroom of Videology on Bedford Ave in Williamsburg, and then evolved to the proper movie chambers of Nitehawk Cinema in 2013, where as of March 2020 we have done about 80 screenings. Don't call me an expert but the pop legacy and damaged psyche yielded by the Glittering Gulch has consumed my research panascope like a large bucket of stale popcorn you can't stop shoving it in with gulps of fountain Coke during a matinee of Wolfen. For the last six years I've worked as a reference librarian at NYPL at Fifth Ave and W. 42nd (not the Deuce).  My division is US History, Local History, and Genealogy - we get all the NYC history questions.  At NYPL the resources available in researching each month's DEUCE spiel far surpass the amount of tips bagged at the height of tourist season by the Naked Cowboy.

Chiseler: When I was 15 or 16 years old, a suburban Jersey kid, I would occasionally take the bus to Port Authority with $20 in my pocket. It was a magical place in the 70s and 80s. Can you tell us something about the porn scene in those days, maybe its larger history, and how it relates to the evolution of your Nighthawk Cinema?

McCarthy: I’m generalizing, but the porn business in Times Square seems a combination of obscenity laws and the real estate market (versus the city and state imposing change).  Obscenity laws had increasingly loosened since the 1960s and by the 1980s so many cases ruled in favor of pornography that the pursuit of smut peddlers evaporated like dots of old money shots on a mattress at the Elk Hotel. Sure Edwin Meese led a commission against porn in Reagan's Morning in America as a coalition of the religious right against the entire ethos of the 1970s, but it doesn't seem to have achieved anything other than beleaguering feminist activists who opposed the rampant exploitation of women in pornography only to find a black hole of political alignment with right wing morality police. Live sex shows and bestiality periodicals were then the product of free speech.  Meanwhile, big business had no interest in occupying or redeveloping the commercial spaces in Times Square.  But landlords held on to the old buildings and theaters — occupied by movie theaters, sex shops, etc. - waiting for a future time when the demand for Times Square real estate upped the value and they might cash in.  The neighborhood became a sex district mostly because these were the only businesses that would pay rent in the area — which most New Yorkers supposedly avoided. And it was the 1970s — the white middle-class had fled, it was a party town, the city was broke, its own redevelopment efforts continually failing on the Deuce, where the racial patron and hangout demographic was majority Black, and drugs and prostitution were viable business. But the theaters on the Deuce mostly didn't play porn.  The Victory (today the "New Victory") played triple-X and the Harem was a 24 hour porn box — but you had more opportunity to see First Blood or What's Up Doc? in the 8 or 9 other theaters on W. 42nd between 7th and 8th Avenue. XXX theaters were elsewhere in Times Square than the Deuce. Whether it was magical depends on one's experience of it at the time.  Times Square has always been a fantasy factory and the DEUCE movie series we do exalts going to the movies, and even when the experience back then was rough, most reminiscences of people seeing movies on 42nd Street is a memory of great impact.  We do not celebrate that it was so bad it was good (the same way we do not program movies that are "so bad they are good" — that crap is for bored minds who are less able to form an independent thought than the digital diode Coca-Cola sign at 47th and Broadway) — but it is a combination of place and experience in a matrix of moviegoing: there are many stories to tell about each theater, and the movies we program may take on new life in the forgetting chambers of Nitehawk Cinema. If porn ended up characterizing the business of Times Square when obscenity laws and real estate allowed it to, then no surprise — such is history…

Chiseler: I’m with you on “so bad it’s good” — a goddamn disease. I spend years of my life hunting down non-canonical titles, not with the tacky idea of establishing an alternative canon, but with the goal of subverting the very notion of canons. In other words, I’m seeking great films that establish their own criterion for greatness, compelling viewers to recognize them on their own ground. To expand your last answer a bit, would you mind dwelling on a few titles you’ve screened and tell our readers why you selected them?

McCarthy: OK — the DEUCE is a group effort. First off we are thankful for Nitehawk Cinema to have hosted the series for so long. I only do the intro monologue / slideshow on the history of a theater, while my co-jockeys — seasoned film programmers Joe Berger, Max Cavanaugh, and Jeff Cashvan — program the screenings, which are always a 35mm print, sprocketed by boothmaster Pro-Jo Joe Muto.  The 35mm signature touch seems to be one of the ongoing draws for the audience, who routinely sell out the 90 seat theater, ahem...  Cashvan puts together a list and Max tracks down a print (if one exists).  The selections hinge on whether the movie once played in a theater on the Deuce, and the availability of a 35mm print — the experience of history in the screening zeroes down to the technology too.  The movies are chosen because they have creative merit and yield enough for the viewer to determine if they are good or bad — or anything in between, which is much more interesting. Also we gotta honor the faith of the ticket-buyers and uphold any rep of the series, and not hash up some dumb time-wasting crap.  Some of the flicks might be obscure, like Night of the Juggler (a gritty 1980 NYC exegesis on the type of race and class tensions too familiar under the U.S. presidency of the hurrahed bastard) or Teen Lust (bizarre sex romp directed by that-guy character actor James Hong) or Combat Shock (Vietnam vet psychodrama shot in Staten Island, including the Nam scenes), and other flicks are not obscure, like A View to a Kill or Tommy or Luna or Runaway Train...  The crowds continually seem to enjoy a genuine going-to-the-movies experience; there is never any of that ironic insecure brainless hipster douchebag laughter that you get at some of these retro screenings that sizzles my nerves like hamburgers and franks on the grill at Grand Luncheonette at 229 W. 42nd Street next to the old Selwyn Theater — both places long gone.  I saw Lost Weekend at BAM one time and was surrounded by people laughing at Ray Milland suffering from delirium tremens. What kind of loser pays $15 to act like that at a movie?  Anyhow - those types don't come to these screenings.  Some people come no matter what is playing, others for nostalgia or a particular love for a movie, others for whatever.  No one is coming to experience the reenactment of a W. 42nd Street theater in 1982, which is not the intention — if it was we would just play grade-Z spaghetti westerns or Porky's sequels and allow smoking in the theater.

Chiseler: I realize that COVID puts a fairly long-term kaibosh on movie theaters. Where, if anywhere, do your hopes lie for continuing your work? Night of the Juggler ranks among my favorite films, by the way.

McCarthy: I am working on a book that corrals all the research I've done for the last 8 years.  As far as reopening movie theaters, I have no clue. That is up to Nitehawk etc. The series is a theatrical communal thing. We haven't all been in touch about carrying things through the quarantine because there is no virtual alternative. As for Juggler it's too bad the movie is super unfindable. But how and where we obtained a one-time-only print will remain as undisclosed as a Gambino wiseguy taking the fifth.

[rosepetals-flyingbirds]

Freedom.

With: Sigurd Snake In The Eye x Reader.

Word Count: 2,1K.

When Sigurd left his previous home -the great hall-, his intentions were solely to have peace, Lagertha took her throne back and Sigurd accepted her peace offer.

But even with that, he couldn’t sleep in the same place she does now.

A small house near a lake was enough for the young prince. Sigurd has born in riches but he didn’t make such a fuss about it.

The place was quiet enough, mostly young couples with a higher way of life or honored families by the Earl.

A singular couple, the man and woman residing straight next to his home, were the first to introduce themselves to him.

Sigurd had to accept, the couple was somewhat unpaired. The man spoke stiffly with doubtful words, while the woman was completely gorgeous. 

Her smile was entirely poisonous, and each word was smart and sounded important.

Sigurd became interested in his neighbors.

Over the season that he lived there, the neighbors have become closer, almost to the point of friendship. The couple would invite him for dinner nearly twice a week, and Y/N would prepare the tastiest meals, while her husband sat and cleaned his fishing materials.

Sigurd had come to learn that Y/N’s family was quite prosperous, and when she married, Hródolf had gained command of her supplies, buying a home and making sure that the golds and silver were emptied just enough so that she fully depended on him.

Regrettably for her, the way she was raised -being a child of a strong warrior with uncountable riches while alive- had left her with no work abilities, besides planting.

It had to be her enthusiasm in her lonesome childhood, her nanny back in the day loved planting and taught Y/N pretty much everything. And even if cold Kattegat was, the plants seemed to blossom gorgeously under Y/N’s sweet touch.

Sigurd and Hródolf had a sort of deal. Sigurd loved to hunt and to spend some time alone in his family’s cabin, sometimes he would visit his brothers but he grew used to be alone. So Hródolf would give the prince some fishes and Sigurd would bring some meat for Y/N prepare meals with.

                          …

After a day with his brothers, Sigurd was finally coming home, it was late at night. He was almost opening his door when he heard a loud crash. His eyes shot to his surroundings, trying to find the noise, which was accompanied by a man’s roar. The words were incomprehensible but Sigurd knew the man might be angry.

When he listened to a higher feminine voice he understood that it must be his neighbors. He entered his home, mind at rest as he prepared a bath for himself.

After bathing for bed, he finally met his deserved sleep.

The next morning, he took a piece of bread from the table and left to meet Ubbe on the shore. The place was quiet and Sigurd didn’t see Hródolf’s small boat, he glanced around and found it weird.

Chewing his last slice of bread he went to Y/N’s door and knocked twice. When she opened Sigurd took a genuine look at her.

A long -cheap- sleeved dress hid her appearance from his eyes, but what took the young prince’s attention was the huge purplish circle under her left eye and her red neck.

He grew instantly troubled.

“What happened to you, Y/N? Was it Hródolf?” Sigurd asked, interest carved into his normally hard highlights. Y/N’s delicate voice interfered him, a little smile on her damaged face.

“Don’t worry, I fell in the docks yesterday, a boat was near and I hit my eye.” She said, voice tied with fear. “Hródolf separated your fishes, prince. Will you take them now? I can clean if you want…”

Sigurd was gazing her form and even forgot about the stupid fishes. Out of instinct, he touched her arm in an attempt to see the further damage, when she whimpered at the touch he grabbed the hem of the sleeve and tried to lift only to be met with her hand stopping him.

But as a prince he had somewhat a power over her, shaking his head slightly she retrieved her touch and Sigurd took the sleeve up until her elbow, and just as he expected: Purples marks as well.

It wasn’t his business, but he couldn’t allow that sort of behavior. “Has he done that before?”

Y/N kept silent, crossing her arms and looking at her feet. “It is my fault.”

“Don’t you dare to say that.”

“But it’s! I was stupid, I fell in love with him, I was young and an orphan, he used his charm and I was a fool to believe in his love!” She said with glassy eyes staring at him, almost touching his soul.

Sigurd was heartbroken to hear such a thing, even more, to see that she believed it was her fault that the fucker didn’t appreciate the amazing woman he had. “And now I don’t have any riches left, everything I had he used. I ran away once, but has no work for me… and is better to live in that way than becoming a whore.”

Silence overtook the place, Sigurd tried to find a way to save her. Of course he had an interest in her, but how could he steal a woman from her house? Yes, he was a prince but it would screw all of his peaceful scenarios.

Letting a sigh he shook his head. “Fuck that.” He mumbled under his breath, Y/N was taken aback by the answer. “I’ll have a nice chat with him, and then I’ll take you out of here.”

Y/N bit her tongue, he would “save” her only to have her until he grew tired and start to treat her like an animal. 

She knew very well what men did. She learned it in the hard way.

“With all due respect, my prince, I don’t want to leave my house which was bought with my gold only to go to another man’s bed.”

“This isn’t what I have in mind, even if I consider you the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and the fact that seeing you in pain makes me want to kill that bastard.” He took a deep breath. “I wouldn’t force you in marriage or take you away without your consent. You said you don’t have work abilities but I have a perfect purpose for you.” He stated and Y/N was confused, what she could do?

                            …

Lagertha said she didn’t have any bitterness nor problem against the sons of Ragnar. And Sigurd being the calmer one asked for a favor, he explained Y/N’s situation and how great she was with flowers, and how some vegetables grew perfectly under her touch.

Lagertha knew how women were treated and agreed to have her, not as a slave, but as a worker. So Lagertha told Sigurd about a farm she has a few miles from the great hall and that Y/N could live with the old couple who took care of the place.

When Sigurd told Y/N, she was amazed and hugged him tightly. Not only she could get freed from her terrible husband, but she could earn her own independence.

But then, she grew worried. “He’ll kill me.”

“Don’t you bother about that, I told Lagertha what he did and she hates violence against women.” Y/N nodded, after all, Lagertha was a shieldmaiden and ruled by herself. “So if you want, she will cast him out or kill him. It is your decision.”

Y/N looked around her house and unconsciously held her necklace, Mjölnir in her hand and a praise being sent to Thor…

(…) She had prayed for him so many times, and Y/N knew that Hródolf would find and kill her… was him or her. “I want her to kill him.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll kill him myself.”

Sigurd took Y/N to the farm Lagertha has mentioned, Hródolf was still in the sea on his fishing, so the process of taking Y/N away was easier.

When the man got back to find his house empty he started to yell her name… along with some profanities.

Sigurd left his house with a sword. “She is not there.”

“What do you mean she isn’t here? Where is she?” He asked angrily, completely forgetting he was addressing to a prince.

Darting his eyes to Sigurd’s residence Hródolf shook his head. “Is she there? That whore opened her legs for you?” He took large steps near Sigurd.

The prince with a snake in the eye didn’t seem disturbed, and it irritated Hródolf profoundly.

The man tried to punch Sigurd who dodged in time and kicked Hródolf’s arse making him fell on the floor. “You know, when I first saw her I got mesmerized. So beautiful, so smart, so… delicate. Yet, married with a pig like you.”

Hródolf grunted and tried to get on his feet but Sigurd inserted his sword on the man’s leg making him scream. “Only cowards hurt women! But you’re not only a coward but a thief as well.” Splitting the man’s skin open, he looked the blood falling in the sand. “Stole her money and everything her father had achieved.”

Sigurd stabbed the other leg making another scream mix between the tranquil place’s sound.

Hródolf looked at his legs before glancing at the man. “You think you’re a hero?!” He started to laugh. “You’re a damned prince! Born in all the riches, had everything you could want, all the women.”

“You’re right, but I would never lay a finger on them.” He stated and kicked the man’s face, he wanted him to feel what Y/N felt, maybe even more. “But enough, I’m tired of you already. Y/N will live the life she deserves and you’ll die as the coward you’re.” Sigurd touched the tip of his shining sword in the man’s chest, blood running down his nose due to the kick, and his legs’ skin split open.

Hródolf was crying and begged for mercy, but Sigurd could only see Y/N’s glassy eyes and the injuries on her body. Sigurd retrieved for a second sensing a stab in the heart would be too merciful.

Placing his sword on its holster Hródolf started to thank the prince, who smirked at his stupidity.

Sigurd walked to Hródolf’s boat and grabbed some rope, walking back to the spot he saw blood in the sand and Hródolf’s weak efforts of crawling out of the scene.

Sigurd pulled the man’s leg and intertwined the rope around it, the yells were already irritating him, but it was a good plan -almost Ivar’s plan, he thought-, he did the same process around the man’s torso and dragged Hródolf’s body until the end of the sand when it met the ocean, letting him laying in the cold sand.

With each wave coming Hródolf was covered in salty water, the salt would burn his wounds but he wouldn’t die as fast, which was what Siggurd wanted.

He wanted Hródolf to suffer for everything he did sweet Y/N go through.

As the water came and went he coughed and tried to crawl back, which was impossible since his legs and arms were tightly convoluted with ropes. And with the salty water burning his wounds, the man was agonizing.

Sigurd was proud of his plan, he grabbed an apple inside his home and sat warm in his furs watching the suffering of the man who dared to hurt Y/N.

                         …

Days passed and Sigurd stood living in his house alone, forthwith no longer neighbors. It was somehow lonely, he and Y/N weren’t much close but he used to have dinner with her and her -now dead- excuse of a husband.

His routine stood variously as always, sometimes he would hunt, other times meet his brothers, even a few travels here and there.

The young prince was grateful to Lagertha for helping Y/N, and he visited her sometimes, she was… brighter. Happier.

And he loved to see it.

Y/N was grateful to Sigurd, he helped her so much and she knows she would never be able to thank him enough.

                        …

A few years passed and along the years Sig visited Y/N almost four times per month, she taught him how to plant and a strong friendship developed.

Sigurd's feelings weren’t wrong when he first saw Y/N, the vision of such a pretty woman in front of him, and the feeling of confusion when he witnessed the pig she was married with.

But now she was freed, she was no longer being possessed and without any sort of metal with her. The plantations grew more prosperous and Lagertha was happy since her people were well fed. 

Sigurd surprisingly found joy planting with her, and Y/N actually said he was good with it. 

A few time further, Y/N was in love with the man. She thought she was at first, but was too afraid to let someone in after the entire Hródolf past.

But Sigurd wasn’t a bad man, no, he was a good one.

Sigurd found his luck then, he would raid when required but he married Y/N and both moved to a beautiful wood house near the former one she was living with the old couple.

It was hers! And in that way, she could have her privacy with her loving husband and keep with her job, her choice, since Sigurd would give her the whole world if she asked him to.

Even being a daughter of a great Viking warrior, she never thought she could marry a prince, but life has its plans.

                  …

[spell406]

So, a friend of mine basically forced me to watch at least one episode of Netflix Castlevania.

(Disc - I am new to tumblr and had a little problems with posting this thing correctly. Sorry for spam)

So I watched one. And then another. And another… When I finished it was 3 a.m., my eyes were burned out, my brain fried, and my soul forever forfeited, but whatever, who need it anyway.

I am new to the universe, and I know that I am something like 10 months late to the review party, so instead I decided to just share a bunch of thoughts of mine. [UPDATE – Because I am extremely heavy procrastinator and it took me almost two weeks to write this thing I am already at 50% of SoTN right now I’ve finished SoTN by now]

First of all – Castlevania looks like anime, but shares almost nothing common with it. It was a relief, to be honest, as I was a little afraid of show being just another shounen with specific set of clichés and similarities that might quite not bad (or even enjoyable), but I’ve seen them too many times before – better or worse executed – to watch without a mild nausea another Bleach/Naruto in a darker scenario.

I would never demand a fantasy world to be realistic. Like, who would do, fantasy world is supposed to be… fantasy, right? I am fine with lack of realism but I can’t say the same about lack of common sense, and there is a matter of logic that I personally find quite funny. When you are about to fight in close quarters with someone, with both of you lives on stake you’ll want to use every possible advantage. In general there are two kinds of battle armors – first one is focused on providing maximum protection (like typical medieval plate armor) and second one designed to grant freedom of movement especially critical in usually legwork-heavy duels. And here are our “battle” priests in gowns. Gowns, that manage to provide neither aforementioned advantage and downsides of both. Heh. It just bothers me too much, honestly.

I really love the flow of narration; the way that every character including antagonists has its own set of motives and reasons, even Carmilla has her own background that is convicting to justify her bitchery (Well, she has seen it before, right? And Dracula wasn’t even trying to hide his apathy, so why would she like to watch as dead man wages his hollow war)(Is it only me or Dracula shows typical signs of severe depression? Apathy, lack of strength to take any decision, not taking care of himself, loss of interest – even in his own war – well, to be honest he has a good reason to do so).

Animations. Ah, that one is unquestionably excellent, although you Powerhouse Animation guys could have make use of an additional 4-5 fps – from time to time I had a feeling that there is a cat sitting on my keyboard’s space bar, pausing and starting show over and over - it happened something like two or three times. If it comes to favorite scenes – for me, it would be first meeting and fight between Trevor and Alucard. The dialogue and music is so good at reflecting rising pressure and tension between those two – let put oneself in Trevor’s boots – just day before he was rather concerned about getting some food/drink and move on and now he is standing against something that he now considers to be last boss of his life, or perhaps not, he doesn’t even know how does Dracula looks like and he doesn’t seem to be openly aggressive, or perhaps yes, he is obviously vampire and he seems to doesn’t like Belmont name, on the other hand even lesser vampire might be not so easy foe and he is kinda out of practice, and Sypha doesn’t feel like helping out, at least for now… It is all just perfect, and the sound track alone is stuff of legends. (Season 2 OST on Spotify WHEN??”)

Second best would be first phase of Dracula fight – the way which they are team working fluently to not let eachother get killed pleases my inner maniac in best possible way, although the 1 vs 1 part is kinda downgrade - but still ok.

But there is one thing that really stands out in best possible way from things I’ve seen before and that’s utilization of facial expression and body language. Like seriously, this combined with really outstanding voice acting bring interactions between characters to another damned level. (Unfortunately, national translation and voice acting is so awful that I couldn’t bear myself to finish even first season). There are few thing I consider more important in creating credible character than combining overall expressiveness and voice acting, the ability to tell words without actually using any (Finding Ciri cinematic in Witcher 3 is perhaps best known to me example) - and Castlevania does it just soooo good.

Dracula generals. When they were shown for the first time I was like “oh boy he has summoned generals, (Generals! Master tactician, the artists of war!) the oldest, most cunning and powerful beasts from entire world, now things are going to get rough.” And how did it turned out? I can understand that Dracula tasked his forge masters with overseeing the war (Although his reasoning was kind of ok, good job Dracula for nominating for executives two people, that knew least about proceeding war) Did they were incompetent so much? Then how did they managed to get their titles, if they were just a bunch of endlessly whining mischief-makers? They were supposed to know how war looks like, and how to do one, but instead they did literally nothing for war effort! If you ask me, that is at least one risen eyebrow. Excluding Godbrand, the only member of council that did anything more than grate his teeth in silent anger, killed some civilians and got taken care of quite effortlessly. Also, Godbrand wasn’t made to be the sharpest knife in a closet, but he still was bright enough to ask himself “What will we do when we’ll win a war?” Also, he managed to notice that there were no real plan to follow... That is +1 to you Godbrand, I’ll miss you my vikingy boi. In the end, if they were meant to be just a background, they did get a little too much of screen time, and if they were not, they got faaaaaar from enough of it.

By the way – not sure if it’s only me but I personally think that Trevor might be keenest (or – at least – not dumbest) of protagonist trio. He might lack classic education, but he is careful watcher (he noticed fresh oil in torch and overall state of Alucard’s hideout), he correctly chosen and quite successfully executed strategy at Gresit square (isolate, divide and destroy) and quite steadfastly shrugged  off Alucard bickering (well, most of times). Also, his plan for battle with vampire generals was quite logical – avoid close quarter cause humans are in general more fragile than vampires, and Alucard as frontline. My inner maniac was most pleased.

As I said before, I really enjoy Castlevania’s overall character design but with an exception of bishop of Gresit. There is no reason for his work, I know that he is insane and reasoning usually does not apply to those like him but I feel like there is no reason in villainy (this entire talking about making a God’s own country – well, I don’t buy it), aside of being genuinely baaaaad, which kinda stands out in negative way in comparison to the rest of characters.

To highlight the issue, lets do some roleplaying here:

The night creatures are ravaging the land that you had sworn to protect in unholy war against humanity, killing women, men even your subordinates alike. The citizens are growing restless, and demand taking an action. How do you proceed?

a) Find the last descendant of family known for their prowess in fighting those beasts; but be wary – he doesn’t seem to like you very much after you branded him as heretic, exterminated his entire family and burned down his home (probably with some of aforementioned family still inside it). However, if you nicely ask for help, reverse the curse, apology for making mistake and return the estate it actually might work. (to be honest that could be quite interesting moral choice for Trevor, to help people of Wallachia and let bishop take all glory or decline the bishop proposition and screw people over in the process)

b) You can fight them, you are the Holy Church after all. You have access to unlimited supply of holy water, relics, you have enough money and authority to arm and train people’s militia properly. Your knowledge of those beasts might be as wide as Belmont family, but at least should be sufficient to minimalize the damage. Killing the Dracula, however, might be impossible for you.

c) You spent most of your time on biting, trashing, or looking for anyone to cast entire blame upon; it doesn’t matter who is that poor bastard as long as it is not you. In addition, you…

AAAAARGH I CAN’T CONTAIN MYSELF ANY LONGER! BROTHER, I DON’T FEEL LIKE I AM   WICKED ENOUGH! I REQUIRE TO SEE SOME SUFFERING OF INNOCENT TO FEAST UPON! WHAT DO YOU SAY, BROTHER? I CANT HEAR YOU OVER RAGE BOILING IN MY VEINS! WHAT, SPEAKERS? OF COURSE THEY WILL DO RAAAAAARRGARGAJGIOGJIHKBYIUOL

Oh well.

Well, looks like I am done here. By the way, sorry for my English, I am not a native speaker (If I’ve commited any spectacular crime against vocabulary/grammar let me know on priv).

Now I’m going back to rewatching show and torturing SoTN

No TL:DR, just read it if you want, it is not an entire book, you know.

[littlemisssquiggles]

Little Red Headcanons: Ruby’s Big Bad Boyfriend II

Okie dookie, so I guess I’m writing headcanons for Ruby Rose now too. As some of you might know, I recently shared a headcanon post highlighting the prospect of Ruby gaining a love interest inspired by the Big Bad Wolf from the Little Red Riding Hood fairytale.

It was met with some good reception. Thanks everyone! Including an essay response by @yellow-eyed-green-crocodile​ This sequel post will be my response to Yellow’s comments.

Yellow Comments:

“…Rather than him being a coward like that, and since you made him up as a frend of Neon’s, wouldn’t it be cooler if he was actually a good person, even if he does have that pimp attitude? This is just my opinion, though, but it makes him more human, in a way. Plus, we already had the traitorous coward, and that was Lionheart.

The Big Bad Wolf, in all of his stories (that I know of) would use charisma and trickery, though, so wouldn’t it be better if the show would highlight how those traits could be used in a positive manner?

Like, charisma can be his personality trait, that he uses to get chicks, but he also uses the qualities of the wolf in his figjting style, like using words and comments to distract his opponent, and planning out and using different moves in order to make his enemy think that he is about to do something, but actually have something completely different in mind.

Dante’s flaw could be his overconfidence. He is so used to getting what he wants, that, when he is put in an unexpected situation (for example, Ruby Rose), he doesn’t know what to do an puts up a front, but, if the scenario gets too uncertain, he becomes angry and may lash out, just like the Big Bad Wolf.

I think you said that he is a mix between the Big Bad Wolf and the Huntsman, so I think that we could give a bit of an idealistic side to him, almost naive. What I mean is that, while he likes women and to pick them up, he is not just some perverted brat, but someone who genuinely cares about the people he meets. I’m thinking the main character from Outlaw Star, if you ever heard of or watched that anime. The main character is a big pervert, but with a heroic heart. In Dante’s case, couple that with some light anger issues (because Big Bad Wolf) and we have a lovable character (in my opinion). He could be a big tsundere for Ruby, and his every interaction with her would make her laugh, which would get on Oscar’s nerves. That would be kind of cute, kind of like the comedic scenes from old 90s anime.

I’m sorry for overwriting your character like that and I hope I didn’t seem rude for doing it. I just wanted to give my two cents on a character like him…”

 Squiggles Answers:

‘Sup Yellow. Nah you’re fine m;dude. You didn’t come off disrespectful or rude at all (you never do to be honest so hakuna matata). You’ve certainly humanized the Dante character a lot more than I did and I like quite that.

Usually the Big Bad Wolf is the villain of the Little Red Riding Hood fairytale. So to see a version of him in another medium that’s actually more of a good guy would be a fascinating twist. Your idea actually makes reconsider an alternative concept I had for the Dante character that I didn’t include in the original headcanon post. So I guess this goes out to you, fam. 

Let’s say… Dante could be your titular bad boy womanizer type with a hot streak. The type of guy fathers warn their daughters to steer clear of since he’s known to be a ruiner of the sweet girls and a breaker of hearts, y’know what I mean? A problem child. The local attitude problem. Another beast to be tamed through the care and appreciation of a kind hearted beauty like Ruby Rose. Maybe.

I can see Dante characterized as a younger watered down version of Adam Taurus WITHOUT all the elements that made him problematic to fans and the detrimental unhappy ending to his story. Let’s say, despite being a prince at Atlas Academy and a strong huntsmen, Dante secondarily exhibits all the warning signs of a master manipulator fueled by his own selfishness and greed. Like there are two sides to him and the one he normally gives off in public is the side that causes others to become intimidated by him.

It is this side that raises many red flags with Blake Belladonna. And out of concern for Ruby (since Dante has shown interest in her), the Faunus girl tries to warn her about Dante’s ‘type’. So right out the gate, Dante is labelled as a bad person. The big bad wolf.

But in a surprising twist, Dante, like you imagined, isn’t such a bad person. He’s just another child from a very privileged background who is forced to act a certain way as a means of adhering to the responsibilities and burdens of someone with his family name. 

Let’s say the Alarick Family are a long line of powerful men who grow up to become influential leaders who govern their respective fields with an iron fist. Dante, as the current heir, is no exception to his longstanding rule and he’s constantly placed under heavy pressure from his grandfather to be the type of man he believes all men should be.

Tough. Charismatic. Analytical. Calculating. Knows all the right ways how to get others beneath him to bend to his whim since the Alarick philosophy is that all men are pawns to be used to get them ahead. 

Long story short, Dante is often usually misunderstood due to many things about him from his family prestige to even his blatant anger management issues he suffers with (which his family refuses to get him treated for; preferring to cover it up most of the time).

That’s one version of this idea. If not the troubled rich kid concept then perhaps Dante could be a troubled kid who bares old skeletons in his closest since he was stripped away from his abusive family household as a kid and has been bounced around foster care for most of his life until deciding to join the huntsmen academies in an attempt to make something of himself. 

What if…growing up, Dante was mostly treated as a ruthless, conniving monster given where he came from. So he sought the huntsmen lifestyle since huntsmen and huntresses are seen as heroes. Good people. And that’s what Dante desired to be seen as. Someone good capable of doing good things in spite of his crappy start to life. Huh. Now that I think about, I’m sort of making a case for Dante to have Qrow’s approval since he knows what it’s like to be young and dealt a poor hand. Whether that means he’d be open to his youngest niece dating a guy that reminds him too much of himself especially at that age. Hmmm…that’s a curious question to ask.

Moving on---let’s say, like a wolf, Dante is a loner at heart. Despite being one of the most dedicated students at Atlas Academy, Dante is often seen alone. He even refuses to spend time bonding with his teammates since he prefers to stay far from others; out of fear of possibly being hurt or hurting them, 

Now this is making me consider Dante being one of the two unknown members of Team FNKI as a small fanon headcanon. I know I already gave him the surname Alarick in his other counterpart but since this is a different interpretation of the Big Bad Boyfriend Dante character, let’s give him a different name so there’s a difference between the two ideas.

So Dante Alarick would be the wolf in sheep’s clothing version of the Big Bad Boyfriend from the original post and this new version----the more humanized Big Bad Boyfriend will be named…let’s stick with the first name as Dante but change his last name. 

This version shall be dubbed Dante Ingouf. ‘Ingouf’ is a name meaning ‘the wolf of the God Ing; a warrior’.

So let’s say…in this new interpretation, Dante Ingouf is one of the remaining members of Team FNKI. That ties into my original concept of Ruby meeting Dante through Neon Katt. 

Dante could be the lone wolf of Team FNKI who Neon notices might have a little thing for Ruby and she tries to set the two up or something like that. And since Dante is meant to draw inspiration from the Big Bad Wolf, let’s make this version of him a wolf Faunus. 

One of my headcanons for Team FNKI is that Flynt is the only human leading a predominantly Faunus team. 

Perhaps it could be part of the Faunus discriminatiory culture of Atlas where, even at the huntsmen training academies, the Faunus weren’t allowed to be leaders of their own teams. So it’s an awkward situation where Flynt was only made leader cause he’s human; not cause of his own merits. 

It could even be a thing where Neon is the only Faunus on FNKI who actually gets along well with Flynt. So basically Neon is Flynt’s best friend and partner on the FNKI team since she’s the one who looks out for him the most in their group. 

This helps tie into the fact that I totally ship Flynt and Neon which fits into my headcanon about the two secretly being a couple but are forced to keep the true nature of their relationship under wraps since, despite being genetically compatible, human and Faunus interracial-interspecies relationships are heavily frowned upon in Atlas; as much as the Faunus themselves. 

Neon is indifferent about it since my theory for her is that Neon comes from an interracial household with Faunus and human parents. But Flynt, on the other hand, is very hesitant about going fully public about his relationship with Neon especially since he isn’t sure about how his very ole school father, born and bred in the pinnacle period of Faunus discrimination in Atlas’ history, would react to his son having a Faunus for a girlfriend.

 Anyways, getting back on track with Dante Ingouf. He’s a wolf Faunus and his Faunus features are his wolf tail and sharp fangs and claws that only appear when he’s enraged. I remember reading somewhere that once upon a time, Ruby was originally going to be a wolf Faunus before her concept was changed. I also remember many Pineheads playing around with the thought of Oscar being a dog Faunus (since he’s got the cute puppy dog eyes already).

So…making Dante Ingouf, my version of Ruby’s Big Bad Boyfriend a wolf Faunus is…actually quite perfect!

The Big Bad Wolf falling for Little Red and becoming her love interest for a while. 

Huh. Wasn’t there a cute animated short based on that idea?

Anyways, so to reiterate--- Dante Ingouf, in this version of the character, is a wolf Faunus who is a member of Team FNKI and he becomes a love interest of Ruby’s who ends up being her first boyfriend for a brief period of time while she’s in Atlas. More on that in a minute.

Do you know what I just realized that’s funny? Ruby’s Big Bad Boyfriend could be the equivalent to my Oscar’s Other Rose Pinehead headcanon. I talked about Oscar having another Rose in his life who could challenge his relationship with Ruby, drawing inspiration from the Rose, Fake Roses and the Fox from the Little Prince Story.

Now I’ve created another character like that with Dante. Just as how my Rosaline Fox is the antithesis to Ruby Rose, Dante Ingouf is my interpretation of the person meant to challenge Oscar’s for Ruby’s affections or at least be the catalyst to make him realize his true feelings for her.

Huh. It may seem that I have a habit of creating physically attractive third-wheel love interest characters whose sole purpose is to both challenge my OTP on their relationship with each other while simultaneously helping them to realize what they, my OTP, really mean to one another.

Huh. How does that Britney Spears song do? Oops I did it again.

Since I did it with the Rose Fox character, I might as well do the same with the Dante Ingouf character. 

If I had to picture what Dante would look like, it’d be like this----

Since he’s meant to challenge Oscar, giving him physical traits that contrast starkly with Oscar’s can be fitting.

Since Oscar is a small farm boy born and raised in the farmlands of Anima near Mistral Kingdom, Dante would be a big bad city boy brought up on the streets of lower class Atlas Kingdom whose been passed around the block many times due to being in foster care.

Since Oscar is two years younger than Ruby, Dante would be two years older than Ruby. Dante would be between 18-19 years old. Let’s say 18 going on 19 to put him closer to Ruby’s age.

Since Oscar is short and small in stature, Dante is tall (as tall as Jaune who is the tallest of our heroes) with a muscular built. Picture Sosuke from Free! 

Since Oscar is considerably dark-skinned with his tanned complexion, let’s say Dante is a white wolf Faunus with pale skin (as light as Ruby’s). 

This is matched by his short, messy artic snow white hair to contrast equally short and messy Oscar’s sunny countryside black hair. 

I also want to play around with the idea of Oscar and Dante sharing at least one trait, similar to how Ruby and my Rose Fox character shared the name Rose in their name.

I wanted to give Dante freckles just like Oscar but…maybe not. However I do dig the idea of Dante having green eyes to match Oscar’s. I know Oscar’s eyes are essentially hazel or more specifically hazel green eyes. So let’s give Dante’s green eyes the same shade of green as Oscar’s. 

So if Oscar has avocado eyes then Dante would have olive eyes---green with a small hint of red at the centre. Though the red becomes more prominent whenever Dante is angry. Probably something like this:

I made this quickly with Rinmarugames.com, just as rough starting foundation of what Dante might look like. It’s not the final idea but it’s something I could work with to make one if I wanted to, y’know what I mean? Something to play off of along with all the other descriptions I gave for Dante’s key features. I would’ve liked for his hair to be much messier than this (like in the Kaneki Ken example) but that’s as much as I could do on the site. For now, this will do as a rough idea. Starting to remind me of another character named Dante but for now, let’s work with this. 

So Dante starts off as this troubled lone wolf type who prefers to stay far from others since he has a lot of baggage to him. He’s been rumoured to date a lot of girls when he feels promiscuous but most of them are just that--- rumours and for the ones that are true, the relationships ended so badly that that’s how the rumours were sparked; basically.

So Dante falls for Ruby but, as you said, doesn’t know how to properly talk to her and ends up treating her in the same manner he’s treated other girls which results in turning Ruby away from him. At first. It isn’t until Dante loses his big bad boy demenour and starts being real with Ruby, when she finally gives him a chance. The two grow as friends until Dante asks Ruby out again. The last time Dante tried asking Ruby out, she refused. But this time, she said yes. The two go on their first date. It goes well and...from there, they agree to go out again eventually becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. 

But...since it's basically a first time for both of them, neither feel like they know what they’re doing most of the time. Even though he’s the more experienced once in their relationship, Dante is surprisingly just as clueless and anxious as Ruby is. He’s had many on and off flings with girls in the past but nothing serious or promising. Ruby is the first girl he's ever had those types of feelings for and Ruby, in term is experiencing all this as something entirely new to her. 

For most of her teenage years, her main ambition has been becoming a huntress. For some time, she's been apprehensive about forming bonds due to her awkwardness at first interactions. She's had one or two friends in the past but her time at Beacon has been the most open she's ever been.

While she learned to appreciate and ultimately came to love the friendships she's grown close to since Beacon, a romantic relationship is definitely something she's a complete novice to.

Most of the time she panics and worries about if she's doing certain girlfriend-y things right. Like I can definitely picture Ruby Rose being the type to be in a relationship but often forget that she has a boyfriend since she's such a dumb-dumb to the whole spiel; y'know what I mean?

Nonetheless, Ruby likes Dante and wants to give their relationship a fair try regardless of her clumsiness in all of it. But despite being in a relationship with Dante, my idea is that Ruby’s increasingly close friendship with Oscar is a factor that becomes a thorn in that.

Like y’know those stories where you have two best friends who are really, really close and it can even be hinted that one of them might have a crush on their friend. But then the friend gets in a relationship and it’s this awkward thing where the other friend has to watch and listen to his friend talk about their relationship and you think it’s bad for the other friend since they’re the one with the crush. But then you get the flip-side where you learn that the other friend talks a lot about her best friend with her boyfriend causing them to become jealous of their relationship since the boyfriend desires to become close with friend but the friend’s best friend is already filling that role. Y’know what I’m talking about.

That’s how I see the Rosegarden + Big Bad Boyfriend love triangle going. Ruby and Dante would be in their relationship trying to figure things out however at the same time, Ruby has her strong bond with Oscar also developing. Dante takes notice of how close Ruby and Oscar are and becomes suspicious of whether or not Ruby and Oscar are together-together or have feelings for one another.  Especially when he learns that Oscar has a crush on Ruby too.

However Dante doesn’t want to accuse Ruby of anything. Given how awkward she is in their relationship as a first-timer, he can tell that she’s not the cheating type or the type to mislead him like other girls. That’s part of the reason why Dante gravitated toward Ruby. She was genuine at heart.

Still, Dante could sense something unique about the way in which Ruby values Oscar compared to her other friends. Long story short, let’s say Dante comes to the conclusion that Ruby loves Oscar but, due to her own naivety when it comes to her feelings, doesn’t quite realize it yet. But the signs are there.

This makes me think of a small scene where…let’s say, Dante plans on confessing his love for Ruby but the conversation takes an interesting turn  into a fight about Ruby’s friendship with Oscar. Something like:

Dante: Can I ask you something? That Oscar kid, what is he to you?

Ruby: *smiling* He’s my friend.

Dante: I know that’s what you keep telling me but…is that all he is to you?

Ruby: *naively* What do you mean?

Dante: I mean…when it’s just us, it’s great. I feel like you really do care about me and I love that a lot. But even when it’s just us, you also talk a lot about Oscar too.

Ruby: Yeah well…of course, I do. Cause we’re friends. Great friends. Best friends. You know that.

Dante: *pressing* Yeah but I never see you act this way with all your other friends. I mean, you may mention them once or twice but for the most part, it’s him. It’s always him. Even when he’s not here, I feel like he’s constantly coming between us because you keep bringing him between us.

Ruby: *defensively* What does that mean? Oscar isn’t between us! He’s my friend. One of my best friends. I care a lot about him and if you have a problem with him then...we might have a problem. Do we have a problem?

Dante: I dunno? Do we?

Ruby: What? You’re confusing me.

Dante: You’re confusing me!

Ruby: ...What? 

Dante: *sighing exasperatedly* Look, I'm your boyfriend. I know...this is a first for you but usually when two people are a couple, they're supposed to feel like they're in a relationship. I may be your boyfriend but when it comes to Oscar, even though he's the friend and I'm the boyfriend, I feel like it's the other way around. Like I'm the friend and he's your boyfriend.

Ruby: What! Oscar... as my boyfriend?  *snorts* No that's....not...We're not like--- I mean yeah we've definitely gotten close but...it's not like we're together like how we're together.

Dante: So then why? Why is he so important to you? You don’t act this overprotective towards any of your other friends. You don’t bring up your friends every minute. You don’t check in on your friends every minute. You don’t care about your other friends the way you care about him---

Ruby: That’s not tru---

Dante: And you certainly don’t invite your other friends on your date with your boyfriend.

Ruby: Is that what this is really about? Because I invited him to the concert with us?

Dante: It was meant to be a date! Our date.

Ruby: … In my defense, I didn’t know it was a date. You didn’t tell me.

Dante: *incredulously* Because it was a surprise! Surprise date night. What’d you think I meant when I said I scored us tickets to see Nevermore?

Ruby:*innocently* That… you were inviting me and… all my friends?

Dante: But only Oscar conveniently showed up?

Ruby: Yeah cause I only invited Oscar since he's my only friend who likes Nevermore as much as I do. That’s why he was with me.

Dante:  I was with you too. I’m here with you. I like Nevermore too. Not like you care. All you care about is Oscar.

Ruby: *crossly* Okay, that’s enough! *sternly* I know I’m the big dummy here when it comes to being in a relationship but that doesn’t mean I can’t tell a jealous boyfriend when I see one.

Dante: That’s not---

Ruby: *angrily* You are! You don’t get to yell at me and say confusing things to make me feel bad and you don’t get to do that by using Oscar.

Dante: …Ruby I…

Ruby: *furiously* NO!  Oscar is my friend. You don’t know anything about him or what he’s going through right now where he could really, really use the support of a friend. Someone he can actually trust. That’s the thing. You don’t know him at all but I do. So you don’t get to use him to bring up problems you’re having with me. You don’t get to use his name like that and make me feel guilty about my relationship with my friend. That’s not fair Dante!

Dante: …I…*guiltily* You’re right. That…was uncalled for. I’m sorry. You’re right about me not knowing Oscar like you do. And I guess that’s the part that’s really bugging me. The why. I don’t need to know what kind of trouble Oscar’s going through right now since I’m sure it’s something he probably told you about in confidence so it’s not really any of my business to pry. But can I at least know why do you care so much about him? Please.

Ruby: …Did I ever tell you my story? What happened to me and my friends after what happened at Beacon?

Dante: Well...you told me you that you guys split up and you and that Jaune guy and his team paired up for a while. Made the whole trek to Mistral on your own.

Ruby:  Yeah. Let’s just say travelling to Mistral on our own wasn’t as easy as we’d hoped. But, against all odds, we made it. Once inside the kingdom, I figured things would be better for us and for a small time it was. But all Mistral did was remind me of how broken things were. Sure, during the day time when everyone was together all happy and safe with big bright smiles, things were great and for a moment, you’d think things were normal again just like the good old days.

But at night, when the lights were off and the doors were closed and my friends were together in the other room, I was alone. Completely alone. And when I was alone, that’s when it would all hit me. My team was broken. My friends had died. My school was gone. I was far away from home with no real idea of what we were going to do next. That’s when I would finally remember that I was... hurting too. But it’s not like I could’ve just fallen apart then and there, right? I had to be strong both for myself and my remaining friends. We didn’t know what we were going to do. Didn’t know how we were going to get there but…my friends decided to join me to go to Mistral. Despite their own grieves, they chose to follow me because I’m the one that gave them the strength to move forward. That’s what Jaune told me. I had to be their leader. Their strength. It was a badge and burden I had to carry. I had to be strong because a team is only as strong as their leader. So I would push whatever bad feelings I had back then away. Bury them as deep as I could. Hoping that no one would notice my pain. And y’know what, it worked. No one ever suspected it.

My friends were none the wiser. But that didn’t stop me from feeling the way I did. The pain hurt but I kept it down and do you know what that felt like?

Dante: … *shakes head silently*

Ruby: It's like…being cast out at sea during a terrible storm. When you're trying to swim but the current is so strong that you keep getting swept under the water.

I tried to be strong for my team. My friends were broken up and I had to be the one to do everything I can to keep them together. I needed to be because that's how we were going to get through this and make it as far as we could.. Everyone was drowning in the storm and I needed to do what I can to help them stay afloat. But… I was drowning too and… no one noticed I was. 

But...somehow... he did. 

Dante: ...Oscar?

Ruby: *nods slowly* This fourteen year old farm boy who just showed up at our door out of nowhere…who knew nothing about me. Who had no business yelling at me about my feelings. Somehow he's the one that saw me drowning out of everyone else. He saw me. 

Dante: …And let me guess, he helped you out of the water. 

Ruby: No. He drove the storm away. 

 A little drabble of a script there but I think you can get the impression of where I was sort of going with this. 

I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of bringing up the V5 Dojo scene. As a Ruby moment, it was significant because it highlighted the moment where Ruby finally disclosed her true feelings over all the events that took place after Beacon. It’s the first time we saw her profess her true feelings that wasn’t on paper. We know she mentioned it in her letter to Yang (which I’m still unconvinced she actually got although V5 did a poor job of showing that she did) but Oscar is the first person she came clean about everything to. And judging by the fact that that moment with him was in her fondest memories, it’s a moment that meant a lot to Ruby since Oscar genuinely helped her out.

My hunch is that Ruby must've been really lonely during the V5. I mean sure she had Jaune, Ren and Nora and for a while her Uncle Qrow. 

However Qrow left for a bit and JNR were a team who had lost a member but still had each other to lean on. Ruby lost her whole team who were torn apart by the events of Beacon.

Sure JNR are Ruby’s friends and her secondary family. But they weren’t Ruby's core family. Her team. And at the time, Ruby wasn’t sure if she’d ever see Yang, Weiss and Blake  again. This could also justify why Ruby looked out for Oscar so much during V5. 

Technically he was basically alone too. I mean, sure he had Ozpin in his head. However I’d like to think that Ruby started chumming up to Oscar so much during the Mistral Days because she saw a lot of  herself in him. 

A young kid with an unexplainable force inside of him that he now has to learn to control while juggling responsibilities placed on him (ironically by the same dude who enrolled Ruby into Beacon despite being younger than the recommended age who also made her leader of her own huntress team). 

I’d like to think that Ruby gravitated towards Oscar since she saw him as another person for her to help and support. But what she didn’t expect was what Oscar did for her. 

She didn’t anticipate him seeing right through her facade of indifference over her own grief. She didn’t expect for him to call her out on it either. I’d like to think that the dojo scene was the moment that solidified to Ruby that she can trust Oscar. I’d also like to think that Ruby’s bond with Oscar would be seen and treated differently than her other bonds with her friends since their rapport is different.

Oscar has proven himself to be the type of supportive comrade to Ruby who wouldn’t hesitate to drop everything and immediately bound to Ruby’s aid if he noticed she was in danger. 

So, naturally, she’d do her best to reciprocate this when she’s looking out for him too. These two kids share so much in common that naturally their bond would be different and unique to each other since their predicaments is unique to them and done in a way that only they can understand.

Ruby and Oscar can relate to each other in a way that no other character in the show can so the prospect of these two rosebuds growing close on the basis of those shared similarities is almost inevitable.

I can even see Ruby and Oscar ultimately falling in love with each other as a result of how much they can relate to one another. After all, not to say it in a cheesy way but…it’s like they were made for each other. It’s almost like it’s their destiny to come together in some shape or form. Whether that turns out to be romantic or remains close but purely platonic, who knows? But since this is my headcanon, I’m hoping it turns romantic.

This is why I like the idea of third wheel characters (like my Rose and Dante) being introduced to help these rosebuds realize their feelings. In the Little Prince, the Fox taught the Prince to see what his Rose truly meant to him. That he was responsible for his Rose. I cannot wait for this to be incorporated into Oscar’s side of things for when he realizes how much Ruby means to him as his one true rose.

As for Ruby, I would like to see a Dante incarnation for her too. I still stand by my hunch that Ruby and Oscar would fall for each other at the same time but Oscar would be the one to realize his feelings first and possibly confess first. But Ruby would feel the same way. It would just take a little longer for her to realize. That’s why I dig a Dante Big Bad Boyfriend character to sort of give a nudge.

Like I can picture Ruby having a Big Bad Boyfriend based on the Big Bad Wolf but the wolf isn’t such a bad guy. He’s actually a Big Good Wolf who falls hard for his little red rose. The wolf and the rose start a romance---it’s an awkward once since it’s a first for them both but they try to make it work. And for the most part, it’s great since the wolf and the rose do care about each other. However the wolf also takes notice that his little red rose also shares a unique bond with a little prince.

At first the wolf becomes envious of the rose’ connection with the prince. But soon the wolf comes to see that what the rose shares with the prince is special and true. The wolf knows that the little prince is in love with the little red rose. Their love for the rose is what they share. 

However, the wolf soon realizes that the prince is the true love of his little red rose and despite being heartbroken about this revelation, the wolf is understanding. Rather than becoming enraged and hurting his rose over her love for the prince, the wolf decides to set the rose free so that she may be with her prince.

If I had to picture Ruby and Dante breaking up, I can imagine it only ending on good terms. In spite of his anger at first, Dante would come to be understanding of Ruby’s bond to Oscar and he would be the one to end things between the two. It would be a break up of mutual understanding. I can imagine Dante calling out Ruby on being in love with Oscar but instead of saying yes or proving him wrong, all Ruby could do is apologize.

So…it’s almost like a yes and no. Yes she possibly feels that way but no she isn’t completely sure yet or doesn’t want to admit it because at the time she’s with someone else and dealing with the confusion of that. That kind of thing. So the only sure thing Ruby can do in the moment is apologize to Dante for not reciprocating the same feelings. All she can do is apologize and…Dante understands all of it.

Dante: The way you describe how you feel about Oscar, that’s how I feel about you. I came here to tell you that I love you Ruby. But…I think you’ve already given me my answer. I don’t know what he did or how he did it, but whatever Oscar did to steal your heart, it worked and it shows. Whether you’re ready to admit that yourself or not, you love him; don’t you?

Ruby: …I....I’m…sorry.

Dante: He’s the one, isn’t he?

Ruby: …I’m so sorry.

Or...something like that. Maybe. So Ruby breaks things off with Dante. She’s sad but not heart-broken. She’s more confused for the most part. Unsure of her own feelings. And ironically, the person she turns to in this moment is the cause of her confused feelings. Her little prince. Oscar.

 And while he’s comforting her, Ruby gets a small flash of realization that what Dante said was true. 

Oscar had grown on her in a way she didn’t imagine. She now cared about him in an unexplainable way that feels both different and unique compared to her other bonds. 

Did that mean that she loved him? It could be. She’d honestly needed time to figure it out and make sense about it. But at least for that moment, she was just contented that Oscar was by her side. Supporting her as always in the way that made he appreciate his presence in her life. And for that moment, that was all that mattered…or something like that.

And that’s pretty much all that I gotta say to that. I went off of another tangent and…as usual, not quite sure if I actually answered you Yellow XD But in a nutshell, that’s what came to my mind after reading your essay comment. I guess you can let me know what you think of all of this now. I think you might like Dante Ingouf a lot more than Dante Alarick.

Alarick is the Bad Ending version of the Big Bad Wolf while Ingouf is his Happy Ending version. Heck I’m almost even tempted to make these two versions of my Dante character half-brothers or fraternal twins.

Like Dante Ingouf is the bastardized Faunus counterpart to his twin brother---Alarick who was left at an orphanage because his mother quote, unquote ‘had an affair with a Faunus’ since her snooty rich boy husband was infertile and the family was in desperate need of an heir. 

So one of the babies, the first born of the two, turned out to be a Faunus but the family were racist and didn’t want their next heir to be of Faunus bloodline. Luckily the other twin was clean of any Faunus genes. So the family, being of prestige in Atlas, decided to keep it a big family secret. Discarded the twin that was a faunus and raised the other human one as a single child. Spoiled him rotten too.

That’s something I’ve wondered in RWBY. We’ve seen human twins and Faunus twins. But never a pair of twins where one is human and the other is Faunus. That’d actually be kind of cool.

Buuuuuuuuuut….I’m getting ahead of myself again. Plus I’ve jibberjabbed for too long. Hope you enjoyed the post.

More RWBY Character Headcanons

 ~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)

[superfitfor50]

Reflections on ClexaCon

 This was my first ever con. Next month I turn 50 and I’ve never really found my place.  I’ve always felt that there was something…somewhere I should be, that I wasn’t. I’ve got a suspicion that ClexaCon and similar cons is where I should have been.  I am very jetlagged and very tired.  I’m an introvert at heart and without time to reflect and process everything, which is what I didn’t have this last weekend, it was very tough for me and it will take me some time to get over that.  However, I’m a reflector and so far I’ve reflected on my experience and have not been able to find a single negative thing about it.

However, it’s so true what they say: you cannot please all of the people all of the time but ClexaCon has managed to please many people.  Did they get everything right?  No, they didn’t.  Did they get a lot of things right – yes, I think they did. I know there is a lot of Twitter chatter about things they could have done better, and I don’t disagree with any of it.  I feel that it’s extremely important that the organisers of this event (and kudos for the most part) listen and act on feedback that they receive so that this can become a flagship Con in the community.

Honestly, choosing 10 highlights was really hard, and when I’ve reflected some more I may remember other things.  I have already bored my wife rigid talking about it so it’s your turn. These are in no particular order and fair warning, I am Hollstein trash so make of my list what you will.

1.       My first highlight was the Hollstein panel.  These two genuinely wonderful people, who I had the absolute honour of getting to know a little better over the weekend are, honestly, the people that you most want to hang out with.  The panel, moderated by the genuinely insanely talented Dana Piccoli, was a very fitting end to day one.  I was so tired and suffering from excruciating jet lag, but hearing these two talk, and laugh and perform another one of Dana’s epic sketches, with the honourable addition of Annie Briggs, was an absolute joy. I have to share my favourite line on here when the topic of bike safety came up:

Natasha: But are you…you still wear a helmet when you bicycle

Elise:  It’s been a while

Natasha: No, you should

Elise: I know

Natasha: you’re worth more now

Elise (fits of laughter),

Natasha: Insure that shit!

Elise:  That’s hilarious

Natasha: I NEED YOU!! PLEASE WEAR A HELMET!

Elise, we all need you sweetie.

2.       Another highlight was the conversation that surrounded a particular photo op that I had with Kat Barrell, Dominique Provost-Chalkley, Annie Briggs, Natasha Negovanlis, and Elise Bauman, when I asked them if they wouldn’t mind lining themselves up in order of height. So, I won’t go into it but that was the cutest, silliest conversation.

 3.       I had breakfast with Natasha and she is genuinely one of the friendliest, most honest, earnest people that I‘ve met and my profession is literally to meet new people all the time.  There was a point, several points, in the breakfast where, due to the noise of other tables we couldn’t hear what other people were saying and she would ask them to repeat themselves.  However, if she couldn’t hear she would get up, in the middle of her breakfast and go over to that person and talk to them and make sure that she understood what the question was and then she would come back to her seat and ask if everyone had heard it and then she would repeat it and then she would answer it. And to my mind that is one of the most considerate things I’ve ever seen anybody do. She could have just said I can’t hear you, sorry, but she didn’t, she took the time out to talk to people and to make them feel included in the group.  So I’ve been going over and over this again, as I say, I’m a reflector and if I talked too much or hogged the conversation then I‘m truly sorry.  I hope I didn’t.  I don’t think I did but your perception, the perception of people around that table is important to me, so I want to put it out there. I want to put an apology out there.

 4.       Elise’s workshop was TOUGH but so rewarding. I have a big problem with self-esteem, and I have to say the first part of this workshop had me in tears. I hid it well so if you were there don’t feel bad that you didn’t see it. But asking to affirm yourself is something I find very, very difficult and she is a little shiny star and you want to please her.  She’s funny and she’s earnest and she’s just a lovely, genuine person. She was genuinely thrilled by what we created. She wrote us all cards.  These were hand written, hand produced cards that she made for every member of the workshop.  And when I read it, what she’d put inside it, I burst into tears. I’m not going to share what she wrote because that wouldn’t be fair, but it was exactly what I needed to hear at that time, when I felt so overwhelmed with everything after that day.

 5.       Another highlight was the Natasha workshop. I’ve done improv before but, you know, that opportunity to spend an hour with Natasha, being taught by her and just seeing how it differs from what I’ve experienced was amazing. And it was amazing. She was amazing.  She’s open and honest and she’s so involved.  She didn’t stand back, she got involved, she took part in the games, she made so much effort to make sure everyone felt included and able to participate and she was incredible…. but also, it was lovely to see 25 other people coming out of their shell and working with people and seeing them participate.  Some people had not done it before, ever and it was great to see people’s confidence increase and that was an amazing highlight for me.

 6.       Meeting Sarah, or RahRah.  She’s a Vancouverite and she’s an awesome individual and I’m genuinely, genuinely excited to see her again in September when I go to Vancouver. In essence, this highlight goes for anyone that I met, who’s names are too numerous to mention, who I may have interacted with online, and some I never had.  Everyone I met was genuinely warm, friendly and lovely.

 7.       Getting the opportunity to meet the rest of my group chat.  So, I’ve been in a group chat for about 9 months and it was a ClexaCon group chat and obviously we’ve become firm friends online but most of these people I’ve never met before. But when I did, my wife asked me, was it awkward and I’m like no, it wasn’t awkward at all.  It felt like I’d known these people for years. We hung out. We had dinner, we had laughs, we sat together in panels. It was awesome to see them.

 8.       The Clairevoyant panel. These two amazing women.  Annie Briggs and Natasha Negovanlis. Creators, writers, actors, honestly, in my book they can’t do a thing wrong.  I would gladly give my last penny to see a second season, all my money to help them to produce that. The highlight of that particular panel was me overcoming my horrendous fear of asking a question and going up to the mike and prompting a very funny conversation about diva cups.  I was shaking like a leaf both before and after but I’m glad I did it.

 9.       Another highlight was watching Natasha in the improv group.  I was always going to be up for the comedy show and actually bought tickets before I knew she would be performing. She didn’t hog the stage and I wouldn’t expect her to, but she was a glorious addition to that troupe. At one point the improv turned to all things vampire and she knows, she knows how to give her audience what they want because she lifted the rafters when she said she was a vampire and she said it in Carmilla’s voice, of course she did, because she knows that that’s what we want and she has a sense of fun and a sense of occasion and it was amazing to watch.

 10.   My final highlight has to be the Avalance Panel. Caity Lotz was the person that got me into the fandom in the first place with Sara Lance in Arrow.  It was seeing her and others at ClexaCon last year that made me want to go so desperately and, make no mistake, I am Hollstein Trash but the panel with her and Jes Macallan was awesome.  The addition of Katrina Law, temporarily was a sight to behold, if you haven’t seen it please go watch, and to see Jes become so emotional about something and then see the kindness that Caity displayed was so touching.

Other honourable mentions have to go to @comingoutpod and @styriatypical and there were so many other positives, too numerous to mention but significant all the same.

Writing this has been so hard because I had such a positive experience and I know that not everyone had that experience,  I know that I have no comparison that I can make and so I understand that it may not have been great for everyone but my hope is that at least the good outweighed the bad and that everyone had at least something unforgettably good to take away from Vegas.

Our community is fiercely important to me.  Inclusion is fiercely important to me. Anyone who would deliberately seek to exclude anyone, for any reason, has no place in my life. I have no time for those who would misgender, use transphobic/biphobic/panphobic language or in any way make another human being feel less than.

I didn’t meet anyone like that.  These memories will stay with me long after the jet lag is gone, and the rainbow hair grows out. Much love to you all.

[writingwithcolor]

To Write or Not to Write: Tackling The “Struggle Novel” as an outsider

totally-magneato asked:

Hello! This blog was recommended to me by a writing professor, in regards to the novel I’m currently planning in class. I had a couple questions I hope you could clear up. 

-My main character is a black man. His mother always told him white women were the devil, due to a literal bargain with the devil who appeared to her during a summoning as a white woman. Ignoring his mother, he settles down with a white woman. When she dies under mysterious circumstances, he finds the town that once pretended to respect him liked him a lot less than they let on. The first part of this question, I suppose, is is it a savior’s narrative if my novel addresses PTSD, fear of the dark, racism in small towns, and police brutality? Along, of course, with random occult under themes to address the historical fire under Centralia, PA. My professor believes that to be the case, though I am uncertain. 

-What DOES constitute as savior narrative? As of today, I believed it was the narrative that it takes a white person to show up and make everything all better. Is the fact that I’m a white author make it instantly a savior narrative? 

Aw, so cool that your professor recommended us!

Anyhow, I’ve read over this question a few times and don’t see where your details would connect to a white savior narrative.

White Savior, in short, relates to white people saving People of Color.

It could be from circumstances (e.g. financially poor PoC, White people in “Africa” …who also don’t even bother to mention/know the African country they’re in!)

It might be from themselves or their own bad decisions

As mentioned in  “Is this the white savior trope?” - on our common misconceptions II post:

If you have a story with a sympathetic or kind white character, that doesn’t mean it’s the white savior trope. The problem with the white savior is that it centers POC’s realities and stories on whiteness. The only time so many of our stories get told is through whiteness, like Dances With Wolves, The Last Samurai, etc. Whether or not the white protag is a jerk or genuinely being helpful isn’t the only issue.

So, not seeing a white savior in your particular storyline.

Is the fact that I’m a white author make it instantly a savior narrative?

I think your last question is spot on; I think your professor may have been warning that you, the author, are leaning towards becoming “the white savior” from your approach to these subjects.

You’ve got:

Black intercommunity issues (dating outside race and mistrust of white people/women)

PTSD (potentially traumatized Black characters?)

Police brutality

Racism

So many of these topics we have warned against writing about if you’re outside of the community. (See: White Authors and Topics to Avoid/Tread Carefully)

Personally, I cannot recommend writing this for all the ways it can and does go wrong. I also don’t feel like in the climate of the world, especially my world in America, I need a book like this right now. I’m sure others agree as well. There’s not much you can teach me with this book, especially as a non-Black person, who also sees what is happening around me and is affected by it.

As for those it may teach, i’m more comfortable with a Black voice imparting that authentic perspective vs. someone outside of the community.

There are questions you should ask yourself before tackling such a book:

Why are you writing about this subject? 

Are you qualified to write it? If you’re trying to teach readers a lesson about racism: if you cannot experience racism or anti-blackness yourself, I would not trust your qualifications.

What is your message? What does your book intend to say blatantly and also what does it imply subtly?

Does it hurt/benefit the people?

Does it portray the people in a three-dimensional matter or is it a one-sided story of pain and struggle? How proportional are your happy/normal moments to the struggles?

Can you comfortably represent these people’s culture and daily life?

Does your voice add to the conversation or attempt to dominate the discussion?

Have you talked to the people you’re writing about (regarding your ideas/ events in the story)?

Has your ideas and actual story been/going to be beta-read by the people at hand?

There are also things you should do before tackling such a book:

Become as close to an expert as possible. This requires extensive research. (Books alone will not do. You need to talk and work with people in the community. Scourge blogs, conversations, know the history, etc. See WWC Research Posts)

Have sensitivity readers. They should review everything from your concepts, the work in process, and final product. (I’d recommend someone you pay and can be brutally honest, not just a friend)

Know your limits. You simply cannot write about what racism feels like or what it’s like to be an X, if you haven’t experienced it. Be aware of your perspective.

Consider addressing issues on a smaller scale. This could mean scaling down the number of issues you focus on, and/or making one of the race topics just one aspect of the plot vs. the plot. This seems more manageable, especially if you have never written on the topic before. 

…Or smaller Issues altogether: Another idea would be to practice covering the tough topics. For example: writing a story that incorporates micro-aggressions into a Character of Color’s life without any aggressive racism, and then working your way up in this WIP.

Consider a co-writer. Maybe you shouldn’t write this work alone. What about inviting a voice to the work who has first-hand experience in the topic?

Balance the struggle. Even stories that cover the hard stuff should not be all about struggle. You need moments of light, breaks from the pain, sweet with the bitter, or else it’s just needless suffering that simply hurts to read.

Don’t speak over us/for us: If you’re white, your story naturally comes with privilege. People are more willing to listen to a white person talking about People of Color’s issues than actual People of Color themselves. That’s why a book like this should work with that privilege to actually center the struggles of the people at hand. Don’t make it about you or the white characters and certainly to not excessively highlight or victimize them. As a white writer, become as invisible as possible.

Know your book will likely be highly criticized and rejected. At least by the community. You’re going to get stuff wrong. You’re also going to get stuff right, but people aren’t comfortable with who is speaking that truth when it could be someone more qualified speaking it. These are all valid reactions.

~Mod Colette