#I’m like genuinely so devastated over this I know it’s stupid but

[blowflyfag]

Can I have nothing good in this life

[rggie]

“let’s break up” with the housewardens

characters: leona, malleus, idia, vil, azul. likes and rbs are appreciated!!

summary: a heated argument leads to the housewardens genuinely hurting you ￫ a break up : requested by @diavolosbaby

cw: gn!reader, angst, hurt no comfort, unedited

leona kingscholar ┊ won’t relinquish his pride

“let’s just break up,” you say, standing at the edge of his bed. “if you’re not going to even try and apologise, let’s just end this now.”

in times long gone by you’d be laughing together fervently, bodies tangled between those same sheets, faces so close that your noses would bump and your breaths were shared. now, his bed is neatly made. had ruggie been in this morning, or had he done it himself?

leona peeks a single eye open in a languid manner, staring you down as though he were sussing something out about you before closing them again, barely stirring, brooding. “fine.” he croaks, voice raspy from lack of use, forcing impassivity as his tail thrashes against his headboard displaying quite the opposite. “end whatever the hell we are, then.”

your eyes begin to pool as your hands ball into fists, clenching the hem of your sleeves. he couldn’t even say a simple ‘i’m sorry.’ “you’re pathetic, leona.” the ugly feelings are seeping out as tears and cutting words: “you’re a coward.”

leona is used to chagrin, he’s used to fear and he’s used to hatred from others—but when it’s you, when it’s your voice that speaks to him so cold and contemptuously—something shifts in his core. it’s when you’re already out of earshot he sits himself up with some sort of newfound epiphany, the words you had been waiting for all this time finally running off at the mouth.

“i’m sorry,” he calls after you, “i’m sorry—” but he knows he’s too late.

malleus draconia ┊ can’t forgive himself

there’s a point in every unsalvageable relationship where both know it’s over. you had been clinging to a semblance, an empty shell of a relationship for much too long; the absence of communication forcing your relationship into a strained stalemate.

he knows what you’re going to say before you open your mouth, eyes forlorn, cast downwards, devoid their usual shine. “you are breaking up with me, aren’t you.” (it’s less of a question and more of a determiner.) what once was a blue sky thunders with ferocity at your answer, or the lack thereof.

“i never intended to hurt you. i would move heaven and earth for you. i wouldn’t ever dare—” but he did. he was the architect of his own destruction. the argument had been stupid in the first place—he should’ve kept his childish emotions at bay but instead he raised his voice at you. “i love you.” he tells you not because he’s trying to make you stay, but simply because it’s true, meekly reaching for your hand, slender fingers intertwining with yours loosely before moving to his sides again. his yearning for you is timeless: absolute, unwavering and unconditional. even so, you won’t meet his gaze anymore, and he wracks with devastation.

“but i understand.” the horizon is suddenly overcast with a murky grey. you know that shade as regret. (malleus loves you, and he will continue to love you, that was beyond doubt—but he can no longer love himself.)

idia shroud ┊ refuses to face reality

“i think we should…” you falter, struggling to find the right words, letting them drown into the whirs of idia’s pc fan. “i don’t want to do this anymore. us.”

idia’s shoulders sag as he nibbles his bottom lip. “what?” he’s writhing in his seat, vision blurring as he grips onto his controller, pressing down the buttons till they’re jammed. he can’t focus on anything else but the fact that you don’t want to be with him anymore, that he’s crossed the line, that he’s hurt you beyond repair. this relationship isn’t something that can be replayed, it never was—so maybe he shouldn’t have treated it as such.

his voice becomes a few octaves higher, panicked. “b-but we were doing--… we were doing fine..! the arguments-- the things i said, i-i didn’t mean them, any of it, you know that!” his speed picks up as he continues, as though he’s trying to fit everything he can muster into a short time frame.

“idia, we have to stop pretending.” you hold him firmly in place, to stop him from hyperventilating on the spot, speaking over his hurried, ceaseless pleas for forgiveness. “you have to stop pretending. the things you said hurt me. you can’t just take them back.”

he falls silent until you’re at the doorway. when he speaks again his voice is merely a whisper, so small and unsteady you can barely comprehend it. when you do, you become choked.

idia clings on because he doesn’t know how to let go. “please, don’t leave me.”

vil schoenheit ┊ acts until the curtain falls

if vil notices the dried tear stains that left blotches on your cheeks, he doesn’t mention it. or maybe he didn’t care enough anymore. you pull him away from his peers in the film studies club and for the first time in what may have been weeks, vil’s attention is solely on you. he smiles at you and you know it’s not genuine; attempting to do the same, you feign the experience of the actor before you. “vil, we should stop seeing each other.”

“are you doing this right here? do i have a say in this matter at all?” he’s smiling with his teeth now, tight-lipped, though keeping it in place is so, so painful. “you’re just going to make this decision for both of us?” when you nod your head, vil no longer bothers to keep up appearances. his smile drops. he’s co-starred in enough coming-of-age romances to know where this leads. he knows what will become of your relationship. “whatever i said to you before-” he’s reaching out to caress you but you catch his hand, stony faced.

“save it vil. you went too far. we’re finished.” there’s no trace of warmth in your tone. he takes you in properly, noticing your red-rimmed eyes and disheveled state. he knows that that he’s the one to blame for it—the taste of guilt is sour on his tongue. you look defeated, and vil feels his own eyes sting as he takes a step back. he can’t make a rebuttal because he knows you’re right. all he can do is watch you leave. he can’t get a hold of himself, a little faint—he was a mockery of an actor, and made a mockery of a good boyfriend.

he shouts your name, a fruitless final attempt to make things right. you don’t turn once.

azul ashengrotto ┊ loses his voice

“it’s over.” you say, plain as it is, but to the point. you no longer have the energy to sugarcoat things. azul freezes at his desk, pen falling out of his hands and dropping to the floor with a small ‘thud.’ he had seen it coming, just not so soon. he needed more time to prepare, to try and stop the inevitable… but this had been premeditated. your relationship had overrun it’s due course.

he’s pushing away the negative, self-depreciative thoughts that flood his mind (he doesn’t have the time to think selfishly right now. not when he might lose you), immediately rising from his seat to stand in front of you. he hopes you can’t see the frantic shaking of his hands. “please don’t say that.” it takes everything in him to not let himself break, voice wobbling as he cups your face, looking directly at you. “we can talk, we can find a solution—”

“we’ve been talking. all we do is disagree. this isn’t a problem you can solve by using a contract or some crappy bargain. i’m not one of your customers.” taken aback by your sudden outburst, his eyes widen, brimming with tears abruptly. “i’m done with you, and this.” you gesture to his office, years worth of his hard work, peeling him off you. he’s scrambling his thoughts together to form a sentence, mouth hung open, but nothing comes. has he lost the ability to speak altogether? he wants to tell you to stay, but his jaw screws shut again. why can’t he speak? is this a curse? why won’t his voice come out when he so badly needs it to?

he feels himself shatter.

<-

[yourlastbraincell-kiwi]

A/N: I found a Benny Watts one-shot hidden in my drafts, I had forgotten about. Here it is, please enjoy!

Most likely has grammar errors-

Pairing: Benny Watts x Reader

——————♟️——————

Benny huffs standing up and goes to retrieve his wallet from his coat pocket, before handing me my money. I smiled, cheekily, before plucking the cash out of his hand.

“Thank you, baby.” I stand and peck his lips, but he pulls away abruptly. “Yeah, yeah.”

“All’s fair in love and war, or love and chess. More like..” He rolls his eyes, going over to set the chess pieces back to its original state. And I look at the cash in my hand.

“Hold up, Benny.” I hold the cash up to him. “I won thirty, you gave me twenty.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“That’s wasn’t in the rules.”

“There were no rules to begin with.” I roll my eyes and huff. “Yeah, you won those games fair and square, Congrats.” He congratulated me and placed a kiss to my forehead. “But since you are living under my roof-”

“It’s not a roof, it’s a floor, but continue.”

“I decided to take ten from it, as compensation, if you will.” He explained and I nod my head understandingly. “Right, so if I was to leave, would I be able to have my ten back? Considering I’m not living under your roof at that point.”

He thought about it before grabbing his wallet again, and just my eyes follow him, as he digs out another ten, handing it to me. “Is this your way of telling me, you don’t want me to leave, Benny-boo?” I said, as we both cringed at the nickname.

He sighed, looking at my eyes, before nodding his head slightly. I place and hand on his chest, as I stepped closer, feeling that his heart had picked up speed.

I don’t know, if it was from me, pretending to leave or me putting a hand on his chest. But it genuinely broke my heart seeing a man, who lets nothing get to him. Gets extremely nervous around me, and the fact that I might leave him.

But I must be stupid, drunk or both to leave him. Cause I would never make decision like that sane nor sober.

“Benny?” He refused meet my eye. “You didn’t actually think, I was going to leave you, did you?” I try look into his eyes, but he stared off into a corner of the room.

“Benny..” I started, absolutely devastated and saddened, that he truly thought I would. “Benny, look at me..” It took him some time before he made eye contact with me. By the time he did, you could tell his unshakable and tough demeanor had been torn.

“Benny, I would never, in a million years, leave you.” I said, holding his face in my hands. “You’re just the most amazing and remarkable person, I’ve ever met. You’re sweet, funny, talented..”

He looks away quickly, wiping a tear that had managed to fall. I redirect his face to look at me again. “And incredibly incredibly, handsome. You hearing me?”

“Why would I want to leave and find someone else, when I have the only one I want, right in front of me?”

“You might not see it, but take my word for it, I’m staying here, cause it’s were I belong.” I pat his cheek and leans him down to kiss his forehead, we stand there for a bit, before he collected his barrings, and wiped away any fallen tears.

“Wanna play another round?” He asked, sitting at the table. “Definitely. But before I forget,” I hand him the ten dollar bill, and he looks at me confused.

“It’s for compensation, remember? I wouldn’t want to get kicked out of your house.” I said, as I sat and he rolled his eyes, putting the bill underneath his thigh. “So, what are we playing for now?”

He thinks, before leaning forward with a mischievous grin on his face. “How bout, whomever losses, has to take off an article of clothing. Winners choice.”

“Are you just trying to get me naked, Benny?” He leans back in his chair, hair falling over his right eye. “Only if you agree to the terms and conditions.”

“You’re on, and there’s no way in hell, I’m losing to Benny Watts..”

[prettyrealm]

interview series: doja cat edition

July 27th 2023

doja cat’s current energy:

she’s feeling very affectionate and nurturing right now (i’m assuming towards her relationship/partner) she’s also not taking any sort or criticism nor is she interested in any sort of self reflection at the moment. she feeling herself for sure & feels accepted by the people that matter most to her and that’s what she’s focusing on. people thinking they can criticize her is causing her to be super rebellious and she feels as if she’s claiming personal her authority with the way she’s acting. she feels as if everyone and everything is working against her and out to get her. it’s like she’s right to feel “controlled” but at this point she’s fighting for fighting’s sake. like even if you’re agreeing with her, you’re doing it wrong. she’s trusting her impulses and acting on them and she refuses to let anyone throw her back into self doubt. if im being honest, it feels a bit manic. i think she’s being quite patient in her relationship as well and things aren’t actually going as well as she hoped. she sees the man in her life right now as very careless and irresponsible, not very dependable and even a bit disappointing but she wants to stick by him despite this. i think she’s also still dealing with betrayal from a friend.

does doja cat really hate her music from hot pink and planet her?

no, she doesn’t actually hate her music from these albums. i think she’s just tired of it and is only saying she hates it because everyone else likes it so much. contrarian vibe, but she knows it’s good. i think it’s more about the unhappy emotions she attaches to the music from that time.

is doja cat acting up to get her label to drop her because she doesn't like her contract?

nope.

how does doja cat feel about her fans right now?

she feels the need to disrupt them and get things shaking. it’s like she thinks “my real ones will stay regardless” almost like she’s purging out the fakes. she feels very strongly about them (genuinely love to hatred) and knows they gave her power and she can do whatever she wants with it now (including cuss them out) she feels they need to learn to be their own people and that they’re too superficial and can’t see beyond the surface. she does feel safe for the most part though and as if she can see who’s truly devoted and a fan of her for (what she thinks) are the right reasons

was doja cat ever bullied for being black/biracial?

yes, she definitely was.

did doja cat’s mother contribute to her issues with blackness?

yes, I believe so. not on purpose or in a malicious way or anything though. it seems she just genuinely didn’t know how to raise a biracial/black child, but i think tried her best? there was A LOT of struggle here though.

how does doja cat feel about j.cyrus right now?

she feels he will overcome everything people are throwing at him and she feels he’s quite confident. she wants them to come out of this strong. she feels he deserves a new start.

how does doja cat feel about fans reaction to her dating j.cyrus?

she feels miserable and a bit devastated and i think that may be what caused her to adopt this whole “idgaf” attitude about the whole thing. but in reality, i think she may even have shed tears over this. she knows this is attached to her forever and may even feel insecure in her friendships because of it. she knows people are looking at her like she’s a terrible person.

how does doja cat feel about the allegations against j.cyrus?

i think she thinks he’s been honest and faithful and is choosing to trust in him during this time. i don’t think she even believes in the allegations, she’s choosing to be naive, thoughtless & rash when it comes to this and honestly, straight up stupid. she’s upset about the allegations overall though.

[heavenwithgyu]

summer shower

oh so heavily inspired by Pink in the Night by Mitski

Walking down past the store fronts, the last thing you expected was for it to start pouring out of nowhere. Stupid summer showers, you thought as you ducked into a cafe, trying to pat away the raindrops while looking out the glass door to see how bad it was.

“Is it raining?” a voice asked, goosebumps lining your skin and you wanted to say it was from the air conditioning seeping into your damp clothing but you knew it wasn’t.

Your mind was absolutely blank as you turned around to face the body attached to the voice, neither something you would be able to forget. Kim Mingyu. He held the cutest frown on his face while his eyes were on the door, walking over next to you to look outside.

The soft sound of rain turned into the soft murmurings of i love you’s, the words repeating in your mind as you looked at him. Hi, I’ve missed you, I love you, I love you, I love you-

“Bummer, I was just about to leave too,” he said, a sad tone in his voice as he looked at you, his eyes widening slightly as he seemed to realize it was you. “Oh! Hey, how have you been doing?” he asked, a smile suddenly on his face and you felt your heart lurch out of your chest.

You two had broken up due to schedules not being able to give you two any time together, even in your own apartment, you both seemed like strangers sharing the same place at the end. He was the one who finally cut it when you two had both completely missed your two year anniversary.

You had never stopped loving him, the words still repeating in your mind as you tried to think of a response, “I’ve been good, I’ve learned how to not be a workaholic anymore which is great,” you mused, a soft chuckle leaving his lips.

You were sure your eyes were in hearts by now, your skin positively burning being this close to him, his eyes going back out the window and you took the chance to admire him for a second.

He looked better now, “The same goes for me, I’m not afraid to ask for days off anymore,” he replied, glancing down at his phone when it dinged and he was quickly typing something before putting it up.

A laugh left you as you recounted him telling you before you got into a relationship that he was genuinely scared of taking a day off, worried his company would fire him because they had done that to other employees.

He was too valuable to lose, in any sense. You were devastated when you lost him, but he was here now. In front of you.

He still looked as handsome as the day you two parted ways, his eyes still crinkled when he smiled, his nose scrunching when he laughed, his lips curling to show of his canines.

He still looked as kissable as he did the last time you two had kissed, you realized then you had never kissed him the way he deserved. Full of love with nothing but him on your mind, there had been ones that could count but they weren’t right.

Your mind trailed off down that path, your eyes out the door so you wouldn’t be staring. You could start over, this was the universe giving you a chance to start over.

You both were better at handling your jobs so your schedules should be okay for a relationship, your eyes glancing towards him to see him looking out the door too. “Do you still have your cat?” he asked suddenly, his eyes on you and you gulped softly.

“Uhm, no, unfortunately they, uh-” you began to say, you had lost them a couple weeks after Mingyu. You thought your world had genuinely collapsed on top of you when that happened, his eyes widening and he was bringing his hand up over his mouth.

“I’m so sorry! I-I didn’t know, I’m sorry,” he quickly cut you off, knowing what you were going to say apparently, his voice muffled while he talked which was cute, “I know how much you loved them, I’m sorry.”

I love you I love you I love you

The words danced on your tongue, offering him a smile while nodding, showing it was okay and then looking out the door. The rain showed no signs of stopping, “Mingyu, do you-” his phone dinging cut you off.

“Oh! My girlfriend’s here, I have to go, it was nice catching up with you, I hope you get home safely,” your heart shattered at the word, he had to have heard the shock wave of it, it was loud enough to send the blood up to your ears to where you couldn’t hear anything else.

He shined you a wide smile, walking through the door and then running through the rain, getting into the passenger side of a car but you stood there dumbfounded. As if time had stopped and he was still sitting there in front of you, laughing with you.

As if that word hadn’t been said and you were still positively glowing pink because of how pretty his smile was when aimed at you.

The question still rang in your mind, now just teasing you for ever having hope that someone like him was still single after all this time. That he wouldn’t have moved on from what a terrible ending you two had.

Do you want to try again?

[zeltqz]

SPECIAL SOMEONE

ran haitani x fem!reader

summary: you and ran both have feelings for each other, but are so oblivious

tags: 18+ MINORS DNI, slight angst, fluff, body worship, creampie, fem!reader, sub!reader, dom!ran, cockwarming at the end, reader has feelings for ran but is clueless af, mutual pining.

wordcount: 3.6k

You hate Ran Haitani so much. You hate his stupidly hot face, his stupidly hot voice, his stupidly hot body. He’s overall just stupid. 

You hate him because you love him. You agreed to be his friend. That was the plan. That was the agreement. Just friends. You knew you could do it. 

Prove the rumour false that eventually if you’re friends with Haitani Ran that you will fall in love. You were so confident you could. You were going 8 years strong. 

Only for it to all tumble down 2 years ago when you realised you had feelings for him. When he touched you, hours after you were still staring at the spot where he touched. Didn’t even have to be an intimate touch. Just a pat on the back, or even when he poked your nose. 

Something small and stupid would have your body bursting out in a rage of goosebumps. Your skin burnt with anticipation, wondering where he’d touch you next. 

Hours after your conversation with him, you'd remember everything he said and just replay it over and over. You’d even subconsciously analyse his facial expressions, playing mind games with yourself to see how he was truly feeling in that moment. 

It was weird. How did you go from being able to hang out with him as a friend, to wanting him to bend you over the nearest desk and have his way with you. 

Maybe the sensation you were feeling was just lust. It had to be. It’s the only logical explanation. 

So explain this sick feeling you felt in your chest when you found out Ran was ‘talking’ to someone. You found out from your co-worker who happened to be roommates with the girl Ran was seeing. 

You felt a range of emotions. Anger. Why, though? Jealousy. Makes sense. Sadness. Once again, why though?

You had 0 right to be sad over this. He’s a friend (definitely nothing more) that is moving on with his life and getting into a relationship. It’s selfish of you to only think about yourself. Yet you do anyway. 

—

"I got us the tickets to that movie you wanted to see." Ran says, sliding the tickets along the table. You look at them and force a smile. 

"Thanks." The tone of your voice completely betrays the smile on your face. Ran raises a brow, confused as to why you’re all of a sudden upset. 

"You okay?" He asks, genuinely concerned as to why his best friend is acting up. Not even a week ago, you were bragging about the movie and how excited you were to finally see it and how devastated you'd be if you didn't get the tickets in time. Now you're acting like you don't even care about the movie anymore. 

You put your mug down on the table a bit too aggressively, hoping that the bottom didn’t shatter. Thankfully, it didn’t and you breathe out a sigh of relief but also act like it never happened. "I’m good."

"No, you’re not. Don’t even lie to me. I know you better than anybody. You’re my friend."

There he goes again. The constant reminder that you’ll always be friends and nothing more. You’re not sure if he’s purposefully dense, or if he just enjoys riling you up. 

"I’m not lying." You head over to the sink and pour the contents of it down the sink, suddenly not interested in drinking anymore. You just want to lay down forever in your comfy bed and hope to God there’s someone better than Ran out there. 

You know there isn’t. Which is exactly why you deemed yourself doomed. 

"Is it a guy? Has someone hurt you?" 

"No."

"A girl?—"

"Can we just drop it please? I have a headache." You dig through the cabinets for some paracetamol, hoping that Ran would use his single brain cell and piece together the fact that you weren't in the mood to talk to him today. Especially about a guy whose so-called hurt you.

If only he knew he was that guy.

How might he react? Would he call off the friendship? Tell you to get over him and move on? Or would he fall for you back? Yeah right.

"Not until I find out what's wrong with you. I don't like seeing you this way. I miss seeing you smile." 

You roll your eyes as you search the cabinets. It's a blessing he can't see you right now, only your back is facing him. He misses your smile. Isn't that adorable and cheesy?

"Hey." His voice is right by your ear, making you jump and drop the paaracetmol packet. When did he get that close? And why didn't you hear him coming? 

"What is wrong with you?" You refer to him suddenly scaring you with his deep voice and push him away from you. 

"Nah, what's up with you. You'd been acting weird all week."

You'd think he might piece two and two together. He'd been seeing that girl a week ago. Since then, your behaviour has been off the charts. But he isn't that smart. 

"There's nothing with me." You look at him, fiddling with the packet with your fingers. "I'm fine, see." You force out a smile, teeth and all. The way he's looking down at you right now is almost like he's insulted you're even trying to lie to him.

Eventually, you just sigh and drop the smile. Face contorting back to its original deadpan. 

"It's a guy isn't it."

Looks like he isn't as stupid as you thought he might be. He's 75% right, if only he could figure out who the guy is, then you'd give him some pointers. 

"Y/N, I told you to stop trying with that one dude."

Hearing this, you whip your head to face him. "What?"

"You know, that one guy I said I don't like. He hurt you didn't he?"

You told Ran about this guy you liked. Describing him in the best way possible, except leaving out his name. Which happened to be Ran Haitani. You told him how you liked him so much, but he acted like you didn't exist. 

Maybe you exaggerated it a little bit. But you had to, because Ran is very keen. He has a sharp eye and plus he's very arrogant and self absorbed. He would know instantly if you were describing him. So you lied sorta.

"I told you to move on from that dude. He hurt you didn't he?" 

"Yes, he did." You admit and unlike before, you're telling the full truth. There's some sort of heat radiating off Ran's body, anger almost. 

"Who is the guy?" 

"It doesn't matter." 

Ran shakes his head. "It matters to me. Tell me who the guy is so I can go fuck him up for hurting you."

"Ran–"

"No, seriously. Who in their right mind would ever hurt you? You're such an amazing person, you're kind, you're pretty as hell, you're fun to be around, you—" Ran pauses and instantly closes his mouth.

You can't help but notice the delayed reaction and feel a sense of hope returning in your body. "You think I'm pretty?"

"I mean– yeah. You think I'm hot don't you?"

You don't like how he suddenly shifted the conversation over to you. "Uhm." 

"Friends can think their other friends are hot. It's no big deal."

You feel your heart sink down to your knees. "Oh, yeah. True, I guess." You quickly turn around, facing the counter. Your back facing Ran once more. You're fighting the urge to cry again. Just for a split moment, a small second you thought there was hope that he might like you back, only for it to get shut down within a matter of moments.

You're so delusional for thinking he'd ever like you.

Ran can't help but notice the way your shoulders deflated after the conversation. As if all the effort he was putting into the conversation to bring you back up from the slums was all useless. 

"Hey…" he starts, his voice softer than you'd ever heard it before. "If you want, I could help you take your mind off things."

You pause what you were doing, trying to process his words. As if his words weren’t enough, you feel his fingers trail up your sides, stopping on your waist. 

You turn your head around to face him, about to ask him what he’s doing when he starts to peck at your ear. His lips graze the shell of your ear before he whispers, “Let me take your mind off that guy.”

“…Okay.” You mumble, tilting your head back and to the side to give Ran room to trail kisses down your skin. You don’t have the time nor the energy to explain to Ran that he’s ‘that guy’. Not like you can focus anyway as his soft lips brush against your neck. 

Biting your lip, you let out soft audible moans and reach behind you, raking your fingers inside his soft purple hair. Ran finds out that he loves the feeling of your nails combing his hair, gently scratching his scalp. 

It’s doing something to him. He needs you so badly right now. He pushes himself closer to you, making sure you feel just how hard you’re making his cock, lazily grinding his cock against your ass. 

His fingers slide up your shirt, caressing all over your stomach, sluggishly palming your breasts over your bra. 

“God,” you breathe out when he tweaks your nipple with his fingers. He chuckles against your neck, the vibrations blending in with the shivers running through your body. 

“You like that? Like this?” He gently pinches your nipple again, feeling the hard bud recoil against his fingers. You never knew your nipples were this sensitive till he touched you. 

“Yeah, it feels so good.” 

“Gonna make you feel even better pretty.” Ran spins you around to face him, his hands pinch at your jaw as he leans down to kiss you. Your hands immediately fly up to his cheeks, pulling him impossibly closer to the point there’s no gap between you both. 

He tardily coaxes his tongue inside your mouth, tangling it with yours, licking at the roof of your mouth. You have to pull away to catch your breath, but you’re barely a hair's width away from him. 

Your lips are brushing as you try to regain your composure. This was all you ever wanted, now that you have it, it feels so good. You never want this to end. 

But unfortunately, you know it will.

“You good?” He asks, grip on your waist only tightens when he feels you trying to pull away. 

“I’m good. I just don't think we should be doing this.”

Ran’s face falls flat. Of course he doesn’t show it, but he’s severely disappointed. “Please?” He can’t even form a full sentence, brain not fully active when all he’s thinking about is making you feel good. 

You look up at him, into those stupidly mesmerising purple eyes. You feel bad for rejecting him. This is what you wanted. But you know if you go through with this, it’ll only cause more pain. 

But you just can’t say no to him. 

So you lean up, dragging your fingers through his soft hair and kiss him again. Except it’s more passionate this time. Ran releases a low moan into your mouth when you gently tug at his hair. 

He just realised how much he likes it when you play with his hair. It’s such an intimate thing to do with a friend. Ran’s hands slide down your waist, pulling you onto the counter.

He settles between your legs, hands fondling with the plush skin of your thighs. He licks over your top lip, making you pull back to flick your tongue over his own and use the grip you have on his face to keep him still while you suck on his tongue. 

His fingers dig crescent shapes into your skin as you fondle with his tongue, only pulling back to reveal a line of spit. “Fuck, you’re driving me crazy.” He mumbled against your lips. 

Before you can even respond, he’s kissing you again. You wrap your legs around him, pushing him closer to you. “Can we take this upstairs?” You ask, gripping onto his shirt tight. 

Ran hums, kissing you for a few more seconds before finally pulling away. He hoists you up and carries you into your bedroom, placing you on the bed. Not even a second later, he’s on top of you, kissing you all the while trailing his hands down your stomach, to the sides of your shirt. 

You feel him start to tug at the fabric so you lift your arms all the way up into the air so he can help you remove it. Leaning back down, he licks a stripe along the valley of your breasts, taking both hands to push your tits closer together, limiting the space between your cleavage as he runs his tongue along the skin. 

You look down at him with parted lips and shallow breaths. His tongue licks all over the exposed chest not covered by your bra. You feel sticky and moist, but his needy actions are only turning you on more. 

He slips a finger underneath your bra and tugs; a slight indication that he wants it gone. You sit up and fiddle with your bra strap, successfully unhooking it and watching it fall from your chest and onto your lap. 

“I knew you had gorgeous tits.” His hand darts out to play with your breasts, squeezing it like a stress ball.

You chew his words in your head, repeating them over and over. I knew you had gorgeous tits. Was he thinking about you in his spare time? God, you hope so. 

You cover your face with your hands when he attaches his lip to your nipple. His breath is hot against your skin, its fucking ticklish. 

“Ran, take this off.” You wrap your leg around his waist, gesturing to his clothes. His words are muffled with your breast in his mouth, and he’s too comfortable to take it out. 

“Ran…” you moan out, trying to sit up only for him to push you back with his body weight, pinning your hands above your head as he flicks your nipple with his tongue, swirling it around before sucking it sensually. 

Your body is starting to jerk, an unfamiliar pleasurable sensation when he drags his teeth against your nipple. He’s showing one part of your body so much attention, it’s driving you crazy. 

You can’t even touch him either. He really knows his business. 

Eventually he pulls away, lips trailing up and down your stomach as he makes a b-line for your pussy. His fingers bunch up your shorts and tug them down swiftly. 

You immediately close your legs. This is a whole new territory, one that completely crosses the boundaries between friends. “Come on pretty, open up.”

He prys your legs open and takes a second to just admire how beautiful you look underneath him. He massages your thighs as he spreads you open to get a closer glance at your pussy. 

You feel so embarrassed right now, like you’re being scrutinised by your doctor or something. He isn’t speaking either, just raking his eyes all over your naked body. 

He places his hands on the back of your knees and pushes them towards your chest, testing out your flexibility but also to expose more of your pussy. 

Covering your face with your hands just isn’t enough no more. You grab a pillow not only to shield yourself from his intense gaze, but to drown out your moans as he begins to scissor you open. 

His fingers push past your tight wall and start to pump in and out at a gracious speed. Eventually, he would curl his fingers upwards, scouring your insides to get a good feel of you. 

He groans at how tight your walls are squeezing his fingers and he feels his cock twitch inside his pants. “Do you ever play with yourself?” He asks, referring to how tight you are. It’s almost like you’re a virgin. 

“I do.” You admit, lifting the pillow from your face slightly so he can hear your words clearer. 

“Yeah? You do? You thinking about me or what?” He asks, light heartedly, but means every single word. His eyes search your own for the truth, already knowing the answer even if you try to deny it. 

“I—,” you open then close your mouth, “Mhm.”

“I knew it.” He digs his fingers deeper, making you hide behind the pillow again to let out a long moan. “Tell me what you be thinking about baby.”

“You inside.”

You feel like you’re speaking a foreign language. Can’t even form basic sentences anymore. It’s embarrassing how dumb you turn from his touch. 

“You want me inside you? Want me to fill you open, ‘s that it?” He asks, voice smooth like honey as he taunts you for an answer. 

“Yes, please.” You gasp out when he removes his fingers and urges you to pull out his cock. You sit up and reach inside his pants, pulling his hard cock out and stroking it. Ran’s big hand covers your own and he helps you jerk him off. 

You kneel on the bed and to get to his height and then kiss him. You twist your wrist in circles to stimulate all around his cock. You know you’re doing something right when you feel it twitch in your hold. 

Without breaking the kiss, Ran gently pushes you back down onto the bed as he aligns his cock to your entrance. You look down at where the two of you are about to be connected, then look up at his face. 

Your moan falls open, a loud moan escaping your lips when he slowly starts to push inside. Your hands fly up to his shoulders, gripping onto his shirt for dear life as the stretch is starting to sting. 

“F—fuck! Ran!” You throw your head back the longer he pushes inside, the more it hurts. But it’s not painful. 

Ran kisses your temples to try and soothe you. “It’s okay baby, almost there. Be good for me, yeah?”

“Mhm.” You respond, digging your nails into his skin to brace yourself when he finally bottoms out. 

“Shit…” he pants out against your skin, kissing down your neck and shoulders as he tries his hardest not to move. It’s so tempting. The way you’re squeezing him so well. 

He waits until you give him the okay before he starts his thrusts. You wrap your arms around his shoulder, pulling him down for a kiss. Your lips swallow his own, parting his lips with your tongue as you try to feel as much of him as you can. 

You break the kiss first when he increases in speed, his thrusts now jolting you forward everytime they slap against yours. “F—fuck, you feel so fuckin’—,” he has to bite his lip to conceal his moan. “’S perfect f’me baby. Just take it— just like that.” 

He grabs the headboard for leverage as he speeds up. Your fingers scratch all over his back and along his nape. “R—Ran! Don’t stop, I’m so cl—close— ohmygod!” 

Ran grabs onto your waist, applying as much pressure as he can to keep your body caged on the bed as he drills himself further inside you, hitting spots that you didn’t even know existed. 

“Fuck—” his thrusts come to a stop and you feel his cum squirting inside you, staining your walls. Your body convulses and you simultaneously release. Ran shudders when your walls tighten up around his length he swears he can feel himself cumming for a second time. 

He collapses on top of you, but you don’t push him away despite his heavy body weight. Instead, you once again, play with his chair and feel his lips curl into a smile against your skin. 

“I love it when you do that.”

“Yeah, I could tell.” You rake your fingers through his scalp, scratching lightly and you swear he’s drifting off too sleep. 

You take this moment to get in touch with your feelings and thoughts. What’s going to happen now? Is he going to forget this ever happened and continue being ‘friends’ with you? 

Or is this going to start a whole new relationship?

“Ran?”

He hums. “Hm?”

“Why did you fuck me? Like, was it because you were bored or something?”

He takes a moment before gathering the strength to lift himself off of you. Propping himself up on his arms, he looks down at you. “You know how you said you had someone?"

You have no clue where he's going with this, but decide to let him go on regardless. "Yeah…"

"Well, I have someone too." 

You try to ignore the twinge in your heart, but still let him continue talking. 

"Yeah, she's so perfect. She's sweet, honest, kind, beautiful like honestly stunning. She's everything to me, she—" The longer the list goes on, you realise he's starting to describe this someone in full detail. But all the information was going in one ear and out the other. If you were actually paying attention, you'd realise once he started to describe her looks, he would be describing you.

"Seems like you really like this girl." You state, voice monotone with a hint of sadness. 

"Yeah, I do." Ran bends down and steals a kiss from your lips. "It's you, stupid."

You blink a couple times, putting all the dots together before realising a loud 'ohhh'. Ran chuckles at how slow you were to piece things together and nudges his forehead against yours. 

"I'm guessing your someone was me?"

You try to look away, but are stopped by his hand pinching your jaw. You look deep into his eyes, feeling shy all of a sudden. "Yeah, you were."

[tenebris-lux]

Spoilers for Stormlight Archive, books 1-3.

Bit of an unpopular opinion, but…. I really liked Elhokar and I don’t like Jasnah.

I think they’re both excellent characters, but I can’t click with Jasnah. I was highly disappointed when she died in book 2, and then psyched like crazy at the end when it turns out she’s alive. But after that … I just didn’t like her.

Now Elhokar … Elhokar was frustrating to deal with through book 1. Like, omg, dude, just shut up, quit being such a snobby little bitch. But then in book 2 … he had moments. Moments that showed how human he was. Still a snobby bitch, but he had potential to be better. And he was aware that he was flawed, but didn’t use it as an excuse for his shittier behaviors. Finally, in book 3, he tried harder to do better than he had done previously. It was beautiful, seeing his growth as a person and character. He genuinely wanted to be the better person, and put effort into it. It may not have been much, but for starting out, it was the step in the right direction.

And then Moash killed him.

And all progress was cut short.

I read Oathbringer when it came out, and I’m still not over Elhokar’s death. That was truly devastating to me.

I know that Jasnah is a better person than Elhokar was, but … I can’t put my finger on what about her bothers me. I’d say it’s because she’s too cold, but I’m not bothered by coldness in characters, generally. She also seems too perfect, but even that’s not true; she does mess up occasionally. She’s a good character, though, that’s the truth. And I adored the way she pushed Amaram’s buttons in book 3. Like, sit the fuck down, son.

Overall, though, I don’t find Jasnah interesting to watch (at this point in time, maybe that’ll change). And I do miss Elhokar.

Also, I keep getting this weird, stupid image in my head of Elhokar wearing clothing that are a bit too big for him, and I think it’s because of some weird, symbolic translation in my head of him in a role that was too big for him.

I also love the scene where he’s with Lopen’s family. He’s the freakin’ king, yet when the lady tells him to sit down, shut up, and finish his breakfast, he just sighs and does so like, “yes, ma’am.” That had a lot to do with his mental state at the time, and I love it.

[rossary-of-the-rose]

do you ever get like, ridiculously depressed that you’re not a part of your fantasy world? Like, for example, I have just finished reading the three Wings of Fire arcs (best books ever istg) and I am so sad. It’s actually stupid how depressed I am. I’m sad because I’ll never be in the wof world, I’ll never be able to meet these dragons or go to Pyrrhia or be a dragon, and this is literally the worst thing in the world to me. I won’t live in a world full of magic and open skies and adventure and cute lil Rainwings. I’ll never have a conversation with these dragons whose heads I’ve spent so much time in, and with who I have a genuine emotional connection and attachment with. I’ll never feel the wind on my wings, or visit all the kingdoms and sleep in a Silkwing hammock. It sounds so dumb, I know. I’m also sad because it’s over, and I will not be able to read any interactions between these dragons again. I love the adventure, don’t get me wrong, but my favourite parts of WoF are the little conversations or moments that we see between the characters. It could be Glory and Tsunami making sarcastic comments, Qibli teasing Winter, or that one memory between Pineapple and Jambu, and I will linger and obsess over these moments WAY more than I would over major plot points. They give the character life, and personality, and I could re-read them over and over again. And now that I’ve read all the main books, I am so desperately sad that I’ll never get more of those moments, apart from really short fan-made things. I’ll probably never get any more canon domestic moments between characters like Pineapple and Jambu, or Willow and Sundew, or Fatespeaker and Starflight. I’ll never be able to read and laugh at the interactions between the Prophecy Dragonets or the Jade Mountain dragonets. I wish authors would add more little domestic moments in their books, although I understand why they don’t, because of course most books need a problem to overcome so that it’ll be interesting to readers. But oh my god, if I just had one book full of just everyday things between all the WoF dragons, I would read it over and over and over. Sundew and Willow introducing themselves to their partners parents, Tsunami visiting Glory in her rainforest because she missed her and trying to play it off like the visit was nothing, Turtle spending more time with Queen Coral. I would just *slurp* these stories up. And it makes me feel devastated that I won’t get any stories like these anymore. The more I think about it, the sadder I get. I’ll never be in this beautiful, wholesome universe, and I’ll never see any more conversations/interactions between these dragons I love so much. It hurts like hell knowing this, even though I know that this is life, I know that. I know I’m being stupidly childish, letting this actually upset me, but I can’t help it. I’d just rather have that life so, so much more than this one. And knowing I’ll never have it, no matter what happens, really makes me wanna cry.

[bloody-bee-tea]

BeeTober 2023 Day 18 - Tackle

Suguru isn’t entirely sure how it happens. One moment they are in their usual groove during a fight and the next moment Suguru sees one of the curses aim for Satoru from his blind spot.

There’s not enough time to think, not enough time to remember that Satoru is basically invincible these days and before Suguru knows it, he’s moving. He knows he’s going to be fast enough the moment he pushes away from the ground and even though that means he’s going to take a–probably devastating–hit, there is nothing but relief that Satoru is going to be safe. 

Suguru collides with Satoru just in time to tackle him out of the way and the last thing he hears before everything erupts into pain is a panicked “Suguru!”. After that, there’s nothing but darkness.

~*~*~

Suguru wakes up to an ache in his side that almost borders on outright pain. He takes a moment to breathe in and out, trying to get used to it, before he opens his eyes. He is, of course, met with the clinical ceiling of the medical room and really, with his side hurting like that it shouldn’t be a surprise.

It still is, somehow, until Suguru remembers just what happened.

“Satoru,” he breathes out, because he doesn’t know what happened after he got hit, after he lost consciousness and the thought that Satoru still might have gotten hurt is enough to force Suguru into a sitting position.

“I really wouldn’t do that yet,” comes Shoko’s voice from behind him and when Suguru whips his head around in surprise everything goes dark for a moment.

He’s clearly not at his best at the moment.

“Shoko,” he whispers, once the spots that dance in front of his eyes are gone. “Where’s Satoru?”

“You’re such an idiot,” she says, and there’s more emotion in her voice than Suguru is really used to. “You should really care more for yourself instead of him,” she chides him and Suguru grimaces.

“What’s the damage then?” he sighs out, because clearly it must be bad if he’s still here and subjected to her care.

“The damage is that you’re a stupid idiot,” Satoru’s voice rings out and Shoko rolls her eyes before she vanishes to god knows where, leaving Suguru to suffer under Satoru’s furious glare alone.

“You’re okay,” he still can’t help but to whisper under his breath but he flinches when Satoru’s glare goes even more murderous, if that’s even possible.

“And you probably think that’s because of you, dipshit, but news flash, I’m the strongest. Of course I’m okay. I’m always okay.”

He seems genuinely furious and Suguru busies himself with laying back down, if only so he can escape that gaze for a moment. Or at least pretend to.

“I’m glad,” Suguru gasps out once he managed to return to a reclined position, though even that brought cold sweat to his forehead. 

He really must have been hit hard if he still feels this badly.

“Well, I’m not,” Satoru bites out and if Suguru still had the energy for it, he’d probably flinch. 

“I don’t understand–” Suguru starts because he’s at a loss as to what could make Satoru this angry.

“What’s there not to understand?” Satoru interrupts him. “I’m the strongest. I do not get hurt. I am untouchable. I am invincible. I certainly do not need help from the likes of you.”

His words sting worse than whatever left-over pain he has from his injury and Suguru can’t quite manage to meet Satoru’s eyes anymore. Of course he’d be angry. Suguru basically implied that he is weak by budging in and taking that hit for him and Satoru always prides himself on being the strongest. Of course he wouldn’t take kindly to what Suguru did, no matter if it came from a place of worry.

“I’m sorry,” Suguru somehow manages to get out and Satoru huffs in a way that makes Suguru’s stomach turn.

He has seen Satoru this angry a few times but never before had that anger been directed at him. It’s not a nice feeling at all, Suguru finds.

“You better be,” Satoru snaps out, his voice shaking with how angry he is and Suguru wonders if things would be better if he fell unconscious again.

Since that is not something he can do on command, though, he chooses the next best thing.

“I’m tired,” he mutters, but is stopped by a sharp pain in his side when he tries to turn his back to Satoru.

“Yeah, I bet you are,” Satoru mutters under his breath and Suguru flinches with the reminder that he’s no match at all for Satoru.

He doesn’t even remember the last time Satoru truly needed to sleep and of course this is just one more thing that makes Suguru look weak in his eyes. Before Suguru can even try to come up with anything else to say, Satoru disappears between one blink and the next, clearly too impatient to get away from Suguru to simply walk out on him. 

Suguru didn’t know it could hurt this much to have someone teleport out on him.

Sleep does seem like the better option in face of that, and to his own surprise it doesn’t take him long to fall asleep at all.

~*~*~

When he wakes up the next time it’s to Shoko standing next to his bed instead of Satoru.

“Morning,” he grumbles out, still more asleep than awake and Shoko gives him a look. 

“Evening, actually,” she informs him and then watches as he struggles to sit up, not even lifting a finger to help him.

“When can I leave?” he pants out once he finally manages to sit properly and the look increases.

“You nearly died twice over, I don’t think leaving should be on your agenda for now. You can count yourself lucky that I managed to stitch your arm back on.”

“I–nearly lost my arm?” he asks and looks down at his torso. He doesn’t see much, of course, with the shirt he’s wearing, but it would explain the pain, actually.

“Nearly is generous,” Shoko shoots back and then rattles off a downright staggering list of injuries he sustained when he took that hit for Satoru.

Suguru can indeed count himself lucky that he’s still alive.

“How did I get back here?” Suguru asks, still trying to wrap his head around just how close he came to dying.

“Gojo. He teleported right into the room, clutching you to his chest.”

“He can’t do long distance teleportation,” Suguru mutters, because it’s one of the few things Satoru still struggles with.

“He can when it comes to you,” Shoko instantly replies and Suguru flinches with her words.

It’s just another reminder that he’s not nearly as strong as Satoru, but Suguru guesses Satoru will at least be grateful to him for making him learn that. 

“So, when can I leave then?” he asks again, because staying here is not something he wants to do.

Shoko regards him for a long minute before she sighs.

“There’s a tray in the room next door I need. Get that to me without having to sit down and you’re free to leave,” she tells him and just by her tone Suguru knows that he’s not going to make it.

Still, he has to try.

By the time he’s on his feet, he’s drenched in sweat, his entire side is screaming at him and his knees feel like jelly. Shoko clearly has no sympathy for him.

“I’m gonna make it,” Suguru grits out and Shoko huffs out a disbelieving laugh.

“Sure. Don’t break something when you faceplant into the ground,” she tells him with a wave as she leaves the room.

Suguru is almost thankful that now there won’t be witnesses when he does exactly that. Still, he clenches his teeth and shuffles forward. He’s not going to stay in this room for a day longer, not if he can help it.

He refuses to acknowledge the fact that his stubborn–and possibly stupid–desire is entirely born out of the urge to prove to himself and Satoru that he’s not as weak as Satoru clearly deems him to be because that is only going to make him spiral.

Suguru thought they were friends. Equals, even, as much as anyone can be that with Satoru. And maybe even–Suguru cuts himself off there, because that is absolutely something he does not need to think about right now. Satoru’s derision for him was more than clear earlier. Suguru pushes that thought away too and instead focuses on shuffling through the room, always keeping a hand on the wall; it’s not as if Shoko told him to not do that, and he’ll take any advantage he can get, no matter how small it might be.

Somehow he makes it to the door besides his like this, knees wobbling, sweat rolling down his face, hand shaking where it’s steadying him against the wall. It’s barely a victory but Suguru will take it. He does not think about the way back.

He pushes the door open, leaning on the handle to keep his balance but when he sees what’s inside, he freezes up completely.

Satoru is draped over a bed, a TV stashed in the corner, his clothes flung around the room as if he’s been living here for months. 

This doesn’t add up.

“Have you been hurt?” is the first thing out of his mouth and it would almost be comical how fast Satoru shoots up from the bed if Suguru wasn’t so worried. “Satoru, have you been hurt?” he asks again, more insistent this time when Satoru fails to answer him and he knows he shouldn’t, knows that Satoru is just going to take it as another offence against himself but Suguru can’t help himself.

He needs to know if Satoru got hurt.

“No,” Satoru finally gets out and Suguru almost stumbles where he stands. “Are you allowed to be up? Shouldn’t you be laying down or something?” 

Right, because he’s too weak to even stand on his own, Suguru bitterly thinks.

“I just–Shoko said–what are you even doing here?” he finally asks because he can’t understand what Satoru is doing here if he hasn’t been hurt. “Did you burn your room down?”

It’s the only other thing that makes sense to Suguru but Satoru only glares at him.

“I did not.”

“Then what–”

“You should sit down,” Satoru interrupts him and carries a chair over to where Suguru is still standing in the middle of the doorway. “Sit.”

“I can’t,” Suguru faintly says, even though there is nothing else he wants to do more. “Shoko says I can only leave if I make my way back without having to sit and I really want to leave.”

“You’re an idiot,” Satoru mutters and puts a hand to Suguru’s shoulder.

Suguru is ashamed to admit that even that faint weight is enough to make his knees buckle.

“Fuck,” he whispers when he heavily sits down on the chair, because there is no way in hell Shoko is going to let him leave now. Suguru is so not looking forward to spending another night here.

Speaking of–

“How long has it been? Shoko didn’t say.”

“A week,” Satoru says, his voice barely audible in the room and Suguru almost chokes on nothing.

“A week,” he wheezes out because even with how serious his injuries were he didn’t expect that. 

“A week,” Satoru repeats and Suguru can’t quite place the emotion in his voice. Before he can puzzle over it more, though, Shoko’s steps ring out behind him and Suguru groans.

“You’re staying then,” she says when she sees them, a pointed look at the chair Suguru is sitting on. “And you,” she continues as she glares at Satoru, “get the hell out of my hair. He’s alive, what more do you want? I’m sick of having you live here.”

She doesn’t wait for either of them to answer before she walks away and Suguru can do nothing but stare after her before he slowly turns back to Satoru.

“Live here? Why would you live here?”

“I don’t,” Satoru lies and Suguru pointedly looks around the room; the very lived-in room and he can’t quite hide his confusion when Satoru goes red in the face. “This is not about me,” he then hisses. “This is about you and your stupidity.”

“I already said I’m sorry,” Suguru snaps out. “What more do you want from me?”

“I want you to stop being this stupid! I’m invincible! No one and nothing can touch me, so what the hell were you even thinking!”

“I wasn’t!” Suguru shouts back and his eyes widen in shocked surprise when Satoru falls silent at his admission but it seems he can’t stop himself now. “I wasn’t thinking, Satoru. I saw that you were about to be hit, that you were about to be hurt and I didn’t think. I just knew I had to protect you.”

“I–”

“—don’t need your protection, yeah, I know,” Suguru bitterly mutters because Satoru has made that more than clear. “Sorry for caring about you, I guess,” he quietly tacks on and isn’t proud of the way it makes Satoru flinch.

“I’m invincible,” Satoru mutters—yet again—and Suguru is so fed up with hearing this that he rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, I get it! Would you stop saying that already.”

“I’m invincible,” Satoru still says one more time and there’s something desperate in his voice. “But you’re not!”

“What?” Suguru says, a frown now on his face. “Thanks for reminding me just how inferior I am.”

“No, no, it’s just—” Satoru reaches out for him, though he doesn’t quite touch him. Suguru can still see the faint tremor in his fingers. “There was so much—” he trails his fingers along a line and Suguru guesses he’s going to find a scar in the exact spot under his shirt. “I thought you died,” Satoru weakly finishes and then plasters his usual cheerful and entirely fake smile on his face again. “But I guess you didn’t, so good for you!”

Suguru is almost getting whiplash from how fast his mood changed and he’s glad that he’s already sitting down.

“What is going on, Satoru?” he weakly whispers, too tired to try and puzzle this all out for himself, though he’s slowly getting an inkling as to what this could be about. “Explain it to me.”

The smile drops from Satoru’s face as if it’s never been there and Suguru startles when he crouches down in front of him, his gangly limbs all tucked up.

“I thought you died,” Satoru evenly says, not meeting Suguru’s eyes. “Your arm was just dangling about and there was so much blood. I thought you died.” His voice breaks over the last word and Suguru sees how he clenches his hand into a fist. “Everyone always keeps telling me how I’m the strongest, how Limitless makes it almost impossible to hurt me and it was the only thing I could think about. If I’m so strong how come you felt the need to protect me? If I’m so strong how come I almost lost you?”

He pillows his head on his arms, burying his face so he can’t see Suguru anymore but Suguru still smiles softly at him.

It makes sense, now. Satoru is just feeling what Suguru felt when he moved to protect him.

“I didn’t think of you as the strongest when I pushed you out of the way. I just thought of you as Satoru and how I had to make sure you don’t get hurt,” he softly says and watches how Satoru’s entire frame shudders. “I just wanted to keep you safe,” he adds, reaching out to push his hands into Satoru’s silky soft hair. “That’s all.”

He lazily scratches Satoru’s scalp until the shudders stop and Satoru turns his head to finally look at him again.

“Don’t do that again,” he whispers and Suguru laughs.

“I can’t promise that,” he honestly says, because if something like this happens again, he has no doubt that his body is going to move once more before he can form a proper thought. “You stayed here to keep an eye on me?” Suguru then asks and again, a faint blush dusts Satoru’s cheeks.

“Couldn’t bear to be all across campus,” he mutters, clearly embarrassed but Suguru thinks it’s sweet. Kind of over the top, really, but sweet nonetheless.

“Mind to share your room with me tonight?” Suguru wants to know. “Yours is much less clinical than mine. Easier to keep an eye on me that way, too,” he adds with a grin, though his exhaustion is quickly catching up to him.

Satoru must notice, because he’s quick to get up, carefully helping Suguru across the room to the bed.

“You need to rest more,” Satoru chides him as he tucks him in and if Suguru had more strength he would laugh at how incredibly overprotective this is.

“You need rest, too, strongest or not. Come here,” Suguru says and tugs at Satoru’s hand in an attempt to get him into bed with him.

“I guess I can sleep,” Satoru agrees surprisingly easily and slides into bed with Suguru.

Suguru doesn’t have the energy to tease him over the way he curls around him but there is one question on his mind, even as sleep tugs on him.

“How come I can touch you?” he slurs out, reaching out to wrap his fingers around Satoru’s wrist and he’s not sure with the haziness of sleep but he thinks he feels Satoru’s lips against his forehead.

“You’re always the exception,” he hears Satoru mutter and then everything goes dark once more.

But this time, he falls into it with a smile.

[stevenose]

HAN …“Eye-fucking them all day, making Character A nervous and a blushing mess who can’t properly function.”

steve would be too good and too evil at this and would probably do it without even trying i’m gonna explode let’s talk

he would be so good and evil at this you’re right 😭 truly not even noticing he’s doing it <3

contains: just like a bunch of flirting at a party. a rare robin appearance <3 gender unspecified reader

“What’s Steve’s problem?”

Robin furrows her brows at you. “Huh?”

“He’s been glaring at me all night,” you say, shifting on your feet. You didn’t want to go to a stupid party anyway, but Steve’s dark eyes following you around is only making you more uncomfortable.

She makes eye contact with Steve, who quickly looks away, suddenly interested in the conversation happening beside him. She nods and takes a drink of her lemonade. “He’s not glaring.”

“I think I can tell -“

“As much as I hate to say this - and, believe me, I really hate that I even know this - those are Steve’s … bedroom eyes.” She sticks her tongue out and makes a gagging noise. “It’s how he looks at anything remotely interesting that walks into Family Video.”

You pause, your brows now furrowed. “But he looks mad.”

“Steve Harrington works in mysterious ways,” Robin says, pushing off the wall. “Now I need to go clear my head of this absolutely devastating conversation.”

You stare down at your own cup for a bit, head reeling, and you can feel his eyes back on you. This time, you work up enough courage to stare right back at him - and, yeah, maybe Robin’s right. When you’re not looking away a millisecond after making eye contact, you can see he doesn’t look mad. He almost looks like he’s concentrating. His tongue darts out to wet his lips and you see his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. His eyes are darker than usual, hooded, and they’re trained directly onto you. He actually does a once-over of your body before slowly lifting his drink to his lips.

You have to look away or you might melt.

You walk off in another direction, towards the kitchen to pour yourself some more fucked-up juice concoction. Your head spins and you wonder how drunk Steve must be to be looking at you like that.

“Hi.”

You nearly drop the ladle when you hear his voice. You tilt your head to look at him, but the proximity makes your legs weak. “Hey, Steve.”

He just keeps looking at you.

“Can I get you something?” you ask, smiling nervously.

“I’m alright,” he says, smiling back at you. It’s warm and friendly, like usual Steve. It makes you relax a bit, shoulders loosening. “Just wanted to come see you.”

“Think you’ve been seeing a lot of me tonight,” you say.

Steve chuckles and moves in closer. “Don’t think I’ve seen enough, actually.”

Steve doesn’t even smell like alcohol. Or weed. It makes you more confused and has your stomach twisting with excitement.

“Have you tried any punch?” you ask, trying to get to the bottom of it.

“Only had a beer,” he answers. “I’ve been interested in something else.”

Stop fucking blushing, ya goddamn idiot, you think to yourself, turning back to the punch glass even though your cup is full. “Oh yeah?” you ask timidly, stupidly.

“Yeah,” he says, leaning forward, pressing his lips right against your ear. “I’m really interested in seeing what’s under all these clothes.”

You really might pass out. Genuinely. You can picture falling to the floor and the punch bowl coming down right after you and completely ruining whatever blessed you on this night. But it doesn’t happen, and Steve doesn’t move out of your way - just wraps an arm around your waist to pull you in a little closer. “It’s a little hot in here,” he says quietly, “maybe we can go somewhere to cool down?”

“Yeah,” you say after a few seconds of stunned silence. “Yeah. It’s - yeah. Uh huh.”

He smiles into your cheek. “Let’s take a walk to my car, huh?”

[steves-strapcollection]

98 and Tigareth 😌

Aaaaaah thank you so much for asking for THE BOYS, now I get to post THE BOYS.

The prompt is "If we weren't in public right now i'd have my head between your legs." and the ship is Gareth/OMC, specifically, my OMC Tig who is Our Boyfriend.

This is established!Tigareth, and takes place in the near-ish future of pom!verse ;p and in pom!verse, Gareth is short.

Tagging the Tig fans: @xenon-demon @steddieas-shegoes @theheadlessphilosopher @scarcrossdlvrs @sidekick-hero @sentient-trash @stobinesque @starryeyedjanai @vampeddie @hellion-child @wormdebut (if i'm forgetting someone i'm so sorry just let me know in the notes if you wanna be tagged in more Tig stuff)

Enjoyyyyyyyy

Gareth, for the most part, loved concerts. The energy of them, especially the mosh pit, was sublime. They allowed him to get out a lot of pent-up energy that he otherwise struggled to find release for (because despite what some giants in his life would insist, sex wasn't always the best way to burn through some stuff). Sometimes, Gareth just needed to get his eardrums blown out in the middle of a sweaty crowd of strangers, maybe get shoved around. Part of that need was probably why he became a drummer, and performing absolutely scratched that itch well enough while they were touring.

But sometimes he just wanted to actually see the band performing which, when you’re just over five fucking feet tall, usually didn’t work out. Especially when a stupid fucking accident on the freeway cost them precious minutes needed to make it to the barrier.

They were stuck in the middle of the crowd and obviously it still sounded amazing, and the energy was still fucking perfect, Gareth couldn’t help the scowl that fell over his face. It was still the opening bands, so there was still time to bully his way to the barrier, but still… he didn’t want to have to bully his way to the barrier.

“You’re pouting,” Tig’s voice rumbled against Gareth’s ear as the first opening band exited the stage and he jumped, swinging his elbow and catching his boyfriend’s hip.

“Not pouting,” he snapped back and Tig just laughed, sending Gareth’s stomach into a series of somersaults. It was a good thing he wasn’t looking at Tig when he laughed like that because Gareth knew he would be embarrassing about it.

He always was.

“Okay, well, that definitely looks like a pout, Gare,” Tig insisted, and only then did Gareth actually turn his head to look at him.

It was always fucking devastating to look at Tig, especially in the shifting lights of a concert, especially when Tig was done up in all that leather and denim, eyes lined in black and his long hair pulled back to show off his undercut. His hair was platinum blond again, too, which was doing something for Gareth for reasons that were far too embarrassing to fully admit to while completely sober.

“Aren’t you enjoying the concert?” Tig asked, and Gareth had to take a deep breath before he said something nasty. See, Tig was gorgeous, and a considerate partner, and the most perfect boyfriend probably ever, but he was famous for his stupid questions.

“Yeah, I’m sure the concert is great when you’re, fuckin’, Slenderman,” Gareth said snappishly, gesturing at Tig’s six-foot-fucking-six frame. Then he pointed at the man standing right in front of him and added, “I get to watch the sweat spot between this asshole’s shoulder blades grow. Can’t see jackshit else.”

When Gareth looked back at Tig again, he immediately felt bad for his complaining. He genuinely looked guilty, his brow furrowed and the corners of his mouth turning down. Just as Gareth was about to back-pedal, though, Tig got a little smirk on his lips that had Gareth nervous.

Leaning close enough to Gareth’s ear that his lip piercings brushed against his earlobe, Tig murmured in a perfect accent, “Shall I describe it to you? Or would you like me to find you a box?”

Gareth reared back to stare at his boyfriend, eyes wide and nostrils flaring at the cheeky little smirk on Tig’s lips as mortification flooded through him. Not for the first time, Gareth found himself plotting the most effective way to put Nair in Eddie Munson’s conditioner without risking Steve in the crossfire. It was Eddie’s fault that Tig knew about the obsessive crush he had on Legolas at all, and since finding out about it the man was insufferable.

Unfortunately for Gareth, Tig saying that line in a perfect imitation of the accent with platinum blond hair had a completely different feeling taking precedence.

“Dipshit,” Gareth grumbled with a roll of his eyes, and he reached for Tig, scowling at the shit-eating grin that split his face.

Perhaps the man expected to be shoved, because Tig visibly braced himself only to stumble a bit when Gareth’s hands wrapped around the leather straps of the harness he wore and tugged. Their lips crashed together and Tig instantly melted into it, opening for Gareth’s questing tongue before pressing forward with his own. The sensation of Tig’s forked tongue against his had Gareth’s head going fuzzy and hot, and he had to force himself to pull away.

“If we weren’t in public right now, I’d have my head between your legs,” Gareth said thickly, kissing Tig again.

“Making a pretty good case to get somewhere private immediately,” Tig hummed, just as the second opening band came out and started up.

“If you get me to the barrier, I’ll do a lot more than suck your cock later,” Gareth promised and the heated expression Tig pinned him with had him reconsidering staying at the show entirely.

But then Tig had him by the hand and was snaking through the crowd, and Gareth found himself standing at the barrier in no time. Of course, Gareth is a man of his word, and he absolutely intended to make good on his vow the second they got somewhere even remotely private.

Make me write!!

[liffy-feelin-jiffy]

Coroika Gorai headcanons

Rider had typically been more closed off about his sexuality, for reasons he decided to keep to himself as they mostly originate from insecurities, but also because he actually hadn’t known he genuinely likes guys the way he thought he liked girls for the longest time in his life. It wasn’t until he was 15 in a half, and having gotten to know Goggles a lot more at the time did he realize that he likes guys in more ways he initially thought he did. It didn’t help when the devastating realization came to him that he had a crush on a specific blue idiot boy… a hard crush as a matter of fact. Like, I’m talking head over heels kind of stuff, Spiderverse Gwen syndrome. Mans is tripping on his own feet because he can’t stop thinking about that scatterbrain for the life of him. Goggles is in every corner of his mind, he’s in the reflections in the windows of the subway, his bubbly laughs can be heard through the soft breeze like bird song. Rider always looks at the Pilot Goggled buffoon’s empty hands, willing everything in himself not to take it and intertwine their fingers together like thread sewing fabric, and he clenches his own hands into tight fists whenever he’s away from him and the thought of hand holding comes to mind. He’s so in love, he wants to kiss that stupid little weirdo’s face it’s making him look like the biggest dumbass that’s ever been born-

Sorry I got a little too into it there I guess. Whether you wanna take all that seriously or not is your choice of poison.

Anyways, yeah, once Rider finds out he’s literally in love with the squid who deadass flashed him to the public during their first match back in the Plaza, it’s not going so well for him. Why in the world would he start getting all blushy and feely for that absolute moron? What possessed him into developing feelings for that over-ecstatic boy with tentacles as blue as the shining sea? With a goofy smile so bright that it rivals the very sun? With such inspiring optimism that Rider can only dream of possessing-

😑

Oh, who was he kidding.

What makes it worse is that his crush on Goggles actually started back when he was teaching blue team how to train to fight against Skull, hence adding onto his seemingly territorial behavior on Gogs when Skull eagerly said he wanted to fight team blue again. Jealous much? Lmao. It gets even funnier when he and Goggles both end up crushing on Skull too BAHAHA (I believe in fixing love triangles/squares with the power of POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS. SKULLAMIGORAI FOR LIFE✊🏻✊🏻✊🏻✊🏻)

For the longest time he tried to repel what he considered were “intrusive thoughts” of Goggles. He’d try gaslighting himself that he’s someone Goggles would never find that kind of interest in; maybe he already has someone else, like a guy or girl, he’s bi after all, isn’t he? He and Goggles would never work anyways, Rider’s personality was too serious to match with Goggle’s boisterous and colorful character even though he’d be willing to undergo any more bullsquit imaginable if it meant he’d get to spend the rest of his days with the blue buffoon. He doesn’t see him that way, they wouldn’t mesh well together, Goggles deserved to have someone nicer than he was, etc.

This kept going on for a little while, until eventually Aloha finds out—it’s a long story—and accidentally rats Rider out to his sister and momma—that’s an even longer story, and they both enthusiastically try to coerce him into confessing from there.

Aloha: “You should write him a song and play it for him-!”

Rider: “Bitch heeeeell no”

Rider’s mom: “why not make him something? Like bake a cake or a pie for him as a gift”

Rider: “did you forget what happened last time? what happened to having me banned from using the oven???”

This was all meanwhile Goggles was actually having a secondary crisis of his own. Not the extent Rider had, but all through the Turf War and Ranked Battle Tournaments to his journey with Sheldon to find the treasure, he’d been quite distracted needless to say.

Compared to Rider, Goggles was plenty more laid back and wasn’t shy about his sexuality, though he didn’t ever tell anyone his sexual/romantic orientation that much, so it lead to everyone believing that he was a gay squiddo—though he was really bi and had an equal preference for both boys and girls. There’s still not a lot of people who know he’s bi because he never tells anybody, and if he ever does it would be like discovering rare dialogue in a video game. Even though he has little interest in pursuing a love life, he still kinda had some hope in finding that special someone that he would get to spend the rest of his life with. He tried one time with a girl back in Inkopolis plaza (before the events of the manga) but it ended kinda rocky and he kinda tried to distance himself from relationships for a while until he moved on and kinda just went like “if it happens, it happens.”

Again, his crush was more mellow compared to Rider’s, or at least it started out mellow before eventually growing into a deep sweet longing for his companionship. Goggle’s crush started off typical, thinking that Rider was all handsome, strong, total dreamboat kinda guy. After they’d gotten to know each other some more, and upon moving to the Square did Goggles really have a thing for him. Even the rest of the blue team began to notice. His interest in him peaked when Rider stopped him before his battle against Team Emperor and told him “watch the next semi finals match closely. Because you’re gonna be facing against me in the finals.”

Can you tell that these are my favorite panels because ho mine gosh

Goggles wasn’t as insecure as Rider was in terms of self esteem, but he also came up with the thoughts that Rider wouldn’t see him like that, too. He even worried that Rider would’ve been disgusted if he told him 😭. He wanted to at least keep their friendship together so he was just like “I like you a lot and I admire you to no end but I understand that it may never really come to that so I’ll just support you and admire you for all your grace from afar. 😁”

Hope you enjoyed this cuz now I’m eepy and I’m gonna take a nap. I’ve got college now and I didn’t get enough sleep last night because my adhd will never love me.

(Edited a few things in here. Hope you like the changes better!)

[moonjxsung]

STAR IM DEVASTATED so i have a priv twt acc right w some irls and this stay from stayville req-ed me a long time ago and i was soooo happy that i was mutuals w someone from stayville and i THOUGHT everything between us was cool? but today they unfollowed me and removed me as a follower and im devastated i dunno why they did that :((( i don't think they had a problem w me saying nsfw stuff cuz they previously tweeted things like "cancelling someone over saying smth nsfw abt an adult is stupid" and also ive seen them interact w nsfw minsung posts so i dunno if me tweeting smth like "i wanna suck flxs cock sooooo bad" couldve made them wanna break the mutual??? i dmed them too and i was like "heyy is there a reason you don't wanna be moots w me anymore </3" and not even minutes later they turned off their message perms and im devastated. its STUPID bcs they'd barely interact w me Sure but it felt nice to have a stay be my friend on my priv twt that's usually just for my irls and i </3 it's ironic that they did that too bcs just earlier today (before they broke the mutual) i noticed that my followers went down (i have a very low amt already. like. 25. not even joking) and i tweeted "yall dont wanan be friends w me anymore </3" bcs like. my followers are QUITE LITERALLY only my irls + a skz writer so i was (i think rightfully??) alarmed that the number went down!!!! man im just Sad about it and SIIIGH i know i shouldnt care so much bcs at the end of the day they're just a person online but the least they could've done was dm me back and explain why and GHFSDDSJHFKJADDSDSAAAAA you get me!?!! also im sorry i dropped this on you randomly feel free to ignore LMAAOOAOAO can i be 💫 anon? thank yew <3

(Adding 💫 to the anon list!!! Also fun fact that’s my favorite emoji of all time. Slay)

I feel like I’m the LAST person who should be giving advice abt this bc one of my mutuals and a very good friend of mine who I’d been talking to every day randomly blocked me on everything this week after me literally being there to console this person for every little thing and playing into this pretend homoerotic friendship we had even though she was clearly looking for another boyfriend and would get mad if I even called another girl pretty (???) I wish nothing but the absolute best for her but like…. The double standard is WILD. to not provide closure to a months-long friendship is just genuinely a very mean spirited thing to do imo.

(If she’s reading this, best of luck with everything and I hope you know I cared for you a lot more than you think I did. I distanced myself because you were clearly looking for someone to fill a void in your life that I could simply not fulfill, and I didn’t want to lead you on, nor be kept around like I wasn’t allowed to talk to other girls either. Regardless, I hope you know I used to sleep with my phone on full volume in case you called, and I deleted a page worth of poetry in my notes app for you I meant to deliver on your birthday. I also deleted your number so I have zero way of contacting you, but I will always be here if you need me. Take care and I love you always, I hope you still see me when you look up at the moon)

It’s not the first time I’ve lost an internet friend to the magical world of blocking, but fortunately the attitude I’ve developed towards it is that none of this is real!!! These are people on the internet miles away you’ve never met irl and they have no real impact in your life whether they remain following you or not. I’ve lost internet friends nearly a decade ago that I don’t even remember anymore. Better ones will come along!!! Especially stays! This fandom has so many beautiful remarkable people who are actually worth following and they wouldn’t cut you off like that. Sending so many positive vibes your way and I KNOW that the universe will send you some better mutuals. In the meanwhile I will be your internet bestie and I would never unfollow you for nsfw content or without some form of an explanation. And I also want to suck Felix’s dick. 🩷🫶

(I love you, don’t be so hard on yourself!!!! You’re wonderful, angel 🩷 anyone would be lucky to be moots with you)

[zhouxiangs]

(2/2 - back to the bitchiness!)

Babe can cry all he wants about not feeling worthy of love, but he knew Way loved him (romantically or not), and it always looked like he had a good thing going with Alan too, and the team in general were pretty close - found family I thought?? He was by no means starved of affection until Charlie arrived on the scene. It might just be a personal thing, but I will, 9 times out of 10, always root for the shared history over the instalove, unless the latter is incredibly well-written and portrayed. And I'm sorry, but for me Charlie/Babe falls short on both counts. I genuinely don't like to criticise real ppl who've done nothing wrong, but I don't think I'm alone in feeling Charlie is a weak link in a fairly uniformly strong cast, and it becomes particularly glaring when playing next to actors like Pavel and Nut. Add to that the way they've styled him (with the stupid oversized glasses - as a glasses-wearer myself, this is a pet peeve!), and he looks to me like nothing more than a silly kid playing at being a grown-up (not sure what their ages are meant to be so maybe he is!). And then when it comes to being so amazing/special that he completely changes Babe's world...admittedly, I don't pay attention during his scenes so maybe I've missed something, but from what I can gather, he became obsessed with someone he'd never met, stalked him for a bit, deliberately infiltrated his personal and professional life, approached him with the intent of making him fall in love with him, and repeatedly lied to him about devastating truths? But it's okay, romantic in fact, because it was all just in service of saving his life? (Thank you btw for your own service in previously pointing out this correlation tween him and Way!) From what I see, all he does is slavishly worship Babe and be really good in bed? Personally, I don't think that makes for a particularly healthy and sustainable relationship! (And to be fair, this is again probably a flaw in the writing: because Babe is the main character, the way his relationships are portrayed disproportionately champion him, not the other person - it's about ppl doing things in service of him, supporting him, loving him - we see much less of what he actually gives back, of him supporting them, of why these ppl want him in their lives (besides having Pavel's face), and that can make these relationships seem very one-sided. Undoubtedly my bias showing through yet again, but I think those montages of Way and Babe's friendship, however brief, did a really good job of allowing the viewer to easily picture how that relationship came to be and why it meant so much to both of them.)

Sorry if I’ve been harsh – it’s all still meant in the spirit of constructive criticism (with maybe the teeniest hint of pettiness)! It’s just that, while everyone else is crying over Babe/Charlie, I’m still here obsessing over the idea of a young Way experiencing the devastating realisation that he can never ever tell the person he's fallen utterly in love with the truth about himself, because the second Babe knows he will never trust him again, never TOUCH him again. And, in a way, that realisation cements Way’s fate, because even if he wanted to thwart Tony’s plan, how could he do so without first revealing it, and thus revealing himself?

And somehow even worse is the fact that, if you think about it (don’t - it hurts), even if he’d escaped from Tony eons ago, Way was always doomed by his own power to be alone, because, let’s face it, would you ever completely trust someone who can do what he can? Wouldn’t a tiny part of you always be wondering if that brush of the hand, that easy arm over the shoulder, that comforting hug, was entirely innocent? If your thoughts were always entirely your own? And that just breaks my heart more than anything else in this show!

mm you're right, but i don't think it was love he was missing but romantic love. babe had friends and a family all rolled into one and they all seemed to have a great relationship, but as he said himself, he didn't want or need (romantic) love. it was meeting charlie and spending time with him (and being able to do so because of charlie's lack of stinky alpha pheromones) that made him realise that was something he wanted. yes he fell in love pretty quickly, but i think it's believable, specially considering it's his first love. people have been talking about this extensively so i don't really have anything to add, but it's so important to me how smitten babe is with charlie; there's the whole baddie aesthetic vs softie personality, screw toxic masculinity, Boys Can Be Soft Actually… i have 0 objectivity, he's perfect to me. i love romance and i love my car racing babygirl.

i know people are interpreting this differently and maybe i'm just wrong, or this may be a translation issue/something that's clearer in thai, but imo when babe said the line about sometimes feeling like he wasn't worthy of love bc of what way told him he was referring specifically to that one time we saw way manipulate him, and that it wasn't something that happened regularly. sorry i know i keep saying this, but i genuinely believe the focus on the escalating levels of manipulation wasn't only so we'd notice but because we were supposed to notice way's desperation and how he went from doing it occasionally to "help" babe (that first time in ep 2) to… everything that came later. not to drag way but he wasn't doing shit for those 10 years other than buying babe time by waiting for him to magically love him back. how tf did he convince tony lmao maybe tony just wasn't in any rush to get babe back yet since he knew he could do it whenever he needed him.

oh no you are fully right, pooh isn't the strongest actor (i used to think lee/dean was the weakest out of the cast because of some awkward moments during the first eps but then the garage scene happened and i cannot say that anymore, he was fecking amazing) which isn't surprising since it's his first role, but i also think it adds a certain charm to the character; charlie recently graduated so i believe he's around 22 (i was told a while back he's 20 in the novel, if that's relevant? and alan tells babe that jeff (20) and charlie are the same age but unlike koreans who ime usually mean born in the same year when they say that, i've seen things like a 27 yo being happy he's working with "people his age" talking about people aged 23 to 25, so…) and he is trying to save babe from their evil adoptive father and all his power basically by himself, so "a silly kid playing at being a grown-up" is an accurate description imo lol he really is a brave, naive, optimistic kid, and that's what will make him succeed ultimately. i super believe in you charlie pit babe. also please do not come for charlie's styling, he's wearing my glasses lmao (they're normal sized?? or we have the same temple to cheekbones ratio, so yes, they just look like that) (also people please prioritise field of view over glasses size) (this was funny btw, don't think i was offended!)

waynnie, i am in my way feels 24/7. i cannot stop thinking about his isolation even when he had the team and his best friend by his side because as much as they felt like a family to him, his secret was always (and was always going to be) between them like a persistent ghost. i cannot stop thinking about his anxiety meds (afaik triazolam is used in my country to treat transitory insomnia, btw, but i'm not a doctor and we're going with the subs) and about how if he'd wanted to tell babe about tony earlier he would have had to tell him everything which would make him lose the only good things he has in his life, so no wonder he needs those meds. and not to sound like a broken record, but again, it's a fact that both charlie and way approached babe under false pretenses and both fell in love with him, but because way did so under tony's orders and not of his own volition this is somehow unforgivable…? intent is important and charlie was lying for a good reason, he wouldn't have been able to get close to babe by telling him the truth, but ultimately both of them lied and if we're judging only that fact they're either both wrong or both right, pick one.

i also keep thinking about the parallel of touch and having feelings about (possible) pete powers that the show will probably invalidate in a few hours. and because i love pain and suffering, i keep thinking how people's reaction to knowing someone can manipulate them just by touching them would be worse to their already horrible reaction to knowing someone can see their future by touching them, so yeah. we love it here in the pit babe of despair.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Dancing ‘til the break of Dawn - Pt9

<Pt 8

(TWST zombie apocalypse au for all your crack-fic needs)

Yuu couldn’t help but find it – funny – watching Cater mulling over his options.

One: he could try to make the three of them stay and fix the radio station, because it was, technically, their fault it was broken. Frankly, it wasn’t like Cater could really stop them if they wanted to leave, but whatever.

Or, two: he could kick them out. The zombies were trickling away, now that they knew Yuu was safe, after all, heading off to do… whatever it was they were doing before. Cater could throw them out into the streets without having to fear his sleep would be interrupted by screaming.

“That took me months to figure out!” Cater said, eventually, somewhere between devastated and angry.

Deuce pressed a hand to his chest, entirely solemn and genuine when he said, “We’ll fix it.”

And, okay, first of all, speak for yourself. Yuu hadn’t yet forgotten the cereal and coconut water monstrosity. How could he? He swore he could still taste it, even now. He was not going to help Cater.

Second of all. This is why you can’t try to become a good person during the apocalypse! It leads you to stupid shit like this! Yuu knew he should have discouraged this! And now it was too late!

But Deuce could not be convinced otherwise, and Ace and Yuu weren’t going to leave him…

They sulked in the corner for several hours.

At least Yuu had Grim, now, for comfort. He buried his face in his baby’s barely-there fur. Why does fate hate him so? He doesn’t deserve this. He’s never done anything wrong before, ever, in his life.

(Ignore the cute little monstrosity in his arms, he was actually very cool and correct for saving it.)

Listening to Deuce curse under his breath and he tried to figure out how to fix a whole radio tower was therapeutic, at least. It almost made up for being forced to sit around waiting for even longer than they’d already expected to.

Cater walked over, holding a couple of reheated cans of corn and water bottles. He passed them out to all of them, and then took a seat.

(Next to Ace, on the side opposite Yuu and Grim. Clearly, he was still wary, even if he was now allowing Grim to stay inside for fear of retaliation.)

“How’re you feeling, Yuu-chan?” Cater asked.

Yuu blinked at him, dumbly.

After all, Cater had no reason to ask anymore. Their leaving was no longer dependent on Yuu’s health — which was… well, definitely better, but it still hurt. But he was ignoring it! As you should do with all injuries, actually, Yuu was totally a doctor and you should listen to this advice next time you are hurt!

Anyways.

Their little group of three (and a half!) would leave as soon as the radio station was fixed. Or, at least, as soon as Deuce gave up on fixing it, as even percussive maintenance wasn’t working right now, somehow.

So…

“Why do you wanna know?” Yuu asked. Not quite accusatory, he was genuinely curious. He couldn’t imagine a reason why Cater would care.

Cater looked confused, though, as if the answer was obvious.

“Sorry. I think someone else has the braincell right now,” Yuu admitted.

He glanced over at Deuce, who was staring at a bunch of loose wires, completely lost. Not him, then. He looked at Ace, who looked just as confused as Yuu. He met Grim’s eyes. Grim looked endlessly annoyed.

“Ah. Grim has it,” Yuu said, not entirely sure why he was so surprised. Grim was, pretty much, the designated Keeper of the Brain Cell.

Cater pinched the space between his brows. “I’m asking because I’m worried about you.”

“… oh,” said Yuu. “Wild.”

“Guilt is for losers,” grumbled Ace.

“Says the guy that would literally kill me if I didn’t feel guilty,” Cater said, smiling wryly.

Ace was entirely unrepentant. Because he believed guilt was for losers, and being anything else would be hypocritical.

Yuu remained silent as he mulled over this new information. Cater hadn’t needed to let them stay while Yuu healed up, and the first aid he provided was even less necessary. He had assumed that he had allowed all of that because he was scared of them all killing him in retaliation — which could still be somewhat true, admittedly — but, no, they could have killed him regardless. In fact, they would have had more opportunities to snap and murder him if he let them stay.

Which meant…

Cater was just… a genuinely okay guy.

Yuu had judged him too harshly. Perhaps because he was used to people, generally, sucking.

Damn. Maybe Yuu had spent too long in the apocalypse.

He took a sip from his water bottle and was absolutely betrayed when he found out that it was coconut water in disguise.

Yuu immediately rescinded his previous thoughts. Cater is evil and Yuu was right to hate him.

~

There was a knock on the window.

Not in the way a zombie would bump against the glass right before trying to break it, their slightly uncoordinated limbs knocking several times before they were able to beat against the glass in earnest.

No, this was… purposeful. It had a tune, of sorts, though Yuu wasn’t sure he knew what it was from.

“Hey!” an unfamiliar voice called. “Can I come in?”

Ace lit up, his hand reaching for his knife.

Yuu had half a mind to just let him. Ace had been pretty good recently, after all! He hadn’t stabbed Cater once (outside of that one time, but he was going to excuse that one)! He deserved a little treat.

“… I have cookies!” the stranger said, when they had been quiet for too long.

“Let him in.”

Now, you may be thinking: Yuu! Wait! What if this is a trick, and a survivor is trying to lure you out and kill you?

He hears you. He understands.

He is risking his life for cookies. It is a fair trade, he thinks.

Besides, he is counting on sheer unadulterated rage to carry him through the ensuing fight. You can try and kill him, as he has proven time and time again, and he won’t care. But lying about cookies? That’s the kind of grudge that will carry through the next several lifetimes.

(No, he has not recovered from the marshmallow gun incident. Do you even have to ask?)

So, all that being said, Yuu hid Grim in a closet so they wouldn’t have a repeat of the shooting incident, and they let the guy in.

He really did have cookies!

Yuu couldn’t really thank him around the three he shoved into his mouth, but he believes, in his heart of hearts, that the guy understood what the wide-eyed look Yuu gave him meant.

Yuu would die for this man.

The man just smiled at him, a little bemused. He tipped a baseball cap at them in greeting. “Nice to meet you guys, I’m Trey Clover.”

“Hope you know we don’t trust you…” Ace said, even as he stole four cookies. He took a bite, only to grimace. “Oatmeal and raisins? We definitely don’t trust you. Are you a psycho?”

He continued to eat, though. Hard to be picky about cookies in the apocalypse.

Deuce only took one, and thanked Trey for the food. Like a fucking nerd.

Trey smiled fondly at the three of them, for some strange reason. Yuu didn’t think that this guy knew them well enough to be fond. But whatever. Maybe he could use this for more cookies…

Or even a recipe! Then, he could make cookies on his own! Self sufficiency!

“Dude, Trey, how are you getting by without…” Yuu glanced left, then right, lowering his voice to a whisper when he said, “eggs?”

A silent wave of devastation rolled over the group of teens. Ah, eggs, the worst of the apocalypse’s casualties.

Deuce looked like he might cry at the reminder of what they had lost.

“Sorry for bringing it up,” Yuu said, sincerely. “But I have to know.”

Trey adjusted his glasses, awkwardly. “It depends on what the egg… does in the specific recipe. Moisture, structure, flavor…” He sighed. “There’s no one, catch-all way to do it. The only reason I know as much as I do is because my parents owned a bakery, and had a few vegan recipes.”

Yuu sank to his knees, heartbroken.

Trey gave a little sigh, resting a hand atop his head. “I can give you a few of the recipes…”

Yuu immediately brightened up. “It’s nice to finally meet a normal person.”

“I agree!” Trey said, brightly.

“… I think it’s weirder to be a ‘normal person’ during the apocalypse,” Ace gave his unwarranted opinion.

“Who asked?” said Yuu.

“Your mom,” said Ace.

“My mom is dead.”

“Okay? Who asked?” Ace retorted, without thinking about it.

And, to be fair, Yuu kind of deserved that one for trying to pull the dead mom card. This didn’t stop him from letting an awkward silence stretch for the next three and a half minutes.

Cater was the one to break it, clearing his throat: “So, Trey, what brings you here?”

Trey nearly pounced on the new topic, eternally grateful. “My friend and I were wondering whether you were okay, because your daily broadcasts suddenly stopped and all...”

Holy shit. Cater’s show actually had listeners! Wild!

Cater seemed to be thinking along the same lines, because he lit up. “Oh! We’re having some…” he glanced at his ruined setup. “Technical difficulties! But, if you want, you can bring your friend over and I can do a private broadcast!”

(Ace snickered and mumbled something that might’ve been “That’s what she said.” Deuce stomped on his foot. Yuu didn’t know where the dirty joke was, but he also took the opportunity to step on Ace’s foot — for funsies.)

Trey gave an awkward little shrug. “I don’t think that can happen. He can’t come here.”

They were plunged into yet another awkward silence, but no one seemed particularly eager to break this one. To ask the question on all of their minds.

Yuu, as the only one of them who had been shot before, was the only one capable of biting the bullet:

“Is he, like, real? And… alive?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Trey waved off their concern with a light laugh. “I just don’t let him leave the house. For the sake of his safety, you know.”

Everyone sighed in relief.

Save for one person.

Yuu groaned internally.

Oh no!

Trey was problematic!

[reneesbooks]

Damn I really feel you on that one Stephanie Meyer book with the parasitic aliens, like that premise was so interesting, why did she have to focus on the stupid love triangle?!

ok here’s the thing. i could fix her

edit: i'm putting this post under a cut bc it got SO LONG lmao. read at your own risk it's messy and obsessive and a bit unhinged

the movie got so close in some ways and fucking missed in so many others. on the one hand, ian in the movie was imo a lot more likeable than he was in the book. I’m attributing this to less dialogue written directly by stephanie meyer and the actor's face. on the other hand. jared was awful. movie did not fix him even a bit. only thing they fixed was the age gap but not even that was explicitly addressed in the movie. it was just assumed bc the actors looked similarly aged

I should mention at this point that I haven’t actually read the book in a few years but I read it so many times at age 13-14 that it was an intensely formative experience despite being a generally terrible book. I could still probably quote entire passages from memory. I’ve seen the movie definitely more than 50 times, including in theaters w my mom the week it came out. I watched it last week just for something to play in the background while I crocheted. I can and will 1000% quote along with the movie. fucking brain parasite book got me I guess

the book delves so deeply into the genuinely fascinating world building that tbh has influenced me to this day in terms of depth and creativity. that’s where the movie set itself up to fail bc the ONLY redeeming quality of the book was the world building. its perfect for a tv show so that there is time to explore what it’s like for Melanie to live among the souls instead of focusing exclusively on wanderers time among the humans.

ok the love triangle. here's the thing. it didn't have to be Like That. BUT. i remember my edition when i was younger (that has since disappeared but i have a new one on the way bc i miss my stupid parasite book) had a bonus chapter or smth from melanie's perspective after she wakes up without wanderer in her head for the first time and runs into ian and they both have this moment where they reach for each other and there is that moment of horror on ian's part when he realizes that she is not wanda and melanie being so used to wanda reaching for him that she doesn't realize that her body is doing it automatically. and it was just so interesting to think about how that duality affected them and i think the movie kind of tried to do that with the conversation that ian and wanda have on the cliffs but it just didn't make it happen in the right way. so like. having the love stories there are important for why wanda is even willing to learn to be human but the focus on them in the movie and its general failure to properly execute the most interesting parts of them are what kneecapped it imo.

anyway getting back to why despite that the love triangle is literally the least interesting part of this book. starting with the thing that drives me the most up the wall. the fact that the movie didn't include walt at all and glossed over wes's death makes me chew drywall bc that plotline made me SOB. wanda's time sitting at walt's bedside and comforting him through his illness is one of the things that really teaches her about the gentleness of humanity despite their perceived cruelty, and what makes much of the humans actually start to trust her. they see how she treats walt and realize that she has a huge heart and capacity for kindness. so when jared gets mad bc the seeker looking for her has caused problems, and she has the whole compound backing her up anyway, it actually has some weight to it. the movie flattened wanda and her relationships to the others so much it's so disappointing!! she feels grief in a way that's different from how she's ever experienced it before, despite knowing and understanding grief from her previous lives. she is devastated and forever changed by walt's death, and similarly by wes's. i don't remember exactly if he had a partner in the book but i think he did so wanda also had that experience of seeing his death devastate someone else so completely (and for her to be able to connect that to how jared feels about her being in melanie's body). so when she asks doc to let her die at the end, it's go so much more significance because she specifically asks to be buried WITH walt and wes!! she finds peace with death and understands it and wants to be with the people who taught her about grief and love and that just. i'm so unhinged about it. and it wasn't in the movie. chewing drywall.

this isn't like. a big thing. but it's forever a little disappointing to me that it wasn't in the movie either. bc the movie went a more "ethereal being made of light" direction for what the souls' actual bodies look like instead of the book's "segmented body with thin tendrils that attach to the brain of the host" description. this matters to me for a sad reason and a funny one. the sad reason is because when wanda sees the souls that the humans tried to cut out, she notes based on the vestigial feelers of one of the dead souls that it was a baby. horrible and sad detail that makes that scene 100 times worse. the funny reason is because since the humans know what the souls look like for the above sad reason, they refer to them as worms. which essentially leads to them calling ian a worm fucker and that's hilarious on a lot of levels the least of which being that it's true. like while melanie and jared and jamie go looking for a new body for wanda he literally doesn't care what it looks like and just sits holding her containment tank the entire time. worm fucker and proud of it good for him

i could write a whole other essay on the worldbuilding but i don't have my copy yet (and all the library copies are checked out who ARE y'all who else has read this book???) and i can't remember enough of it to really get into it. but wanderer's job was to be a teacher because she'd been to almost all the different planets (hence her name) so there were some glimpses of the fascinating universe of this world. the stories that she tells about the other planets?? unparalleled. wanderer tells this story about an ethical dilemma (among parasitic aliens lmao) because their host species on one planet burns another alive for its food source BUT they had recently discovered that the food source species was also sapient and intelligent so they were trying to figure out a way to handle the situation. that entire thing could be more interesting than the love triangle but instead it was like. a maximum of two pages about that planet and a one-off appearance from another soul that used to live there at the very end of the book. wanda tells the people at the compound about the underwater planet, and the one with the giant blind flying creatures that they call the Bats, and she mourns using the ritual from that species after the whole seeing the corpses incident. all of this gone completely to waste and for what!! for what stephanie!!!

another funny thing that i think might be better left in the book--when they take the seeker out in the book the human that was in there in the first place is so nasty and awful that everyone is lowkey mad at wanda for not just letting them kill her. top tier comedy ngl

ugh i also remember a scene where wanda is going on the long supply trips and sees a couple of souls with a human child who isn't occupied and is like. huh. that could be really indicative of a beautiful direction for humanity to go. could souls and humans live in peace in a real way? and then it's never really addressed again bc sexy feelings about two men oohhhh

so. is she fixable?

yes. i could fix her. a tv adaptation is what she needs. bc then there's actually time to delve into the thoughts and feelings of melanie and wanderer (and you could do that really well if you made a visualization of their shared mindspace--the book talks about how they put up walls against each other, and how they can block each other out or grab at control) as well as the worldbuilding and ethical questions. i have a whole three-season plan for fixing her so buckle up.

season one starts with wanderer waking up in melanie's body and the first half explores their time as a uni professor and the seeker's insistence on trying to find the human resistance through melanie's memories. this is where we really get a chance to see wanda's perspective--not because she's right, but because it's interesting. she is a huge pacifist and is horrified by violence, whereas melanie is used to using violence to get what she needs and tends to jump directly to it as a solution. so before they run off to the desert, when the seeker is still constantly checking up on her, as wanda gets more annoyed, melanie keeps suggesting that they kill her, and wanda has a harder and harder time holding her back. finally at the midpoint, wanda snaps and attacks the seeker, not because melanie made her do it, but because she's finally reaching that point in her journey towards humanity. and of course everybody blames it on melanie and they have to run because they're going to be separated.

then the second half of the season starts with the wandering through the desert. btw. book jeb my beloved. unhinged grandpa didn't get to be nearly as unhinged in the movie. the second half of the season is wanda acclimating to the human environment. i am of the opinion that romance should not happen until the second season at LEAST. obv melanie is pining for jared and wanda is dealing w that but it's not a romance. she doesn't love jared she's just comforting her dramatic roommate. maybe ian is starting to show interest in wanda but she hasn't noticed yet because she's still getting used to being human. season one ends with walt's death, since that's one of wanda's biggest turning points.

so season two opens with wanda understanding humanity a little better. and now she notices that ian likes her. melanie rightfully puts up a fuss about this (because it's her fucking body, steph meyer why did you almost make a convincing bodily autonomy argument and then fall short you almost had it--) and we can have that drama still while setting it up against the backdrop of wanda's journey to understanding humanity and ultimately becoming human herself. this is the first half of the season, and then there is the turning point--discovering that they've been trying to cut out the souls even as she lives among them. this is her major fracture with ian and is when she realizes that she can actually push melanie out of her head entirely and has to scramble to get her back. season midpoint cliffhanger is melanie being gone. and that finally brings jared around about her when he sees how hard she works to get melanie back and help jamie. so the second half of the season starts with healing jamie and how jared being ok with her changes the dynamic. now she's going out on raids, seeing how humanity and souls can live together, starting to come around to being in love with ian maybe, and generally settling into a comfortable existence. and this is when the seeker comes back into the picture at the end of season two, killing wes and being captured by the humans.

and season three. where it all comes together. the seeker represents the biggest obstacle to humanity and souls living in harmony--she is a mirror and a foil to wanda and melanie, two people too stubborn to let the other take over, unable to coexist. when she's captured by the humans, they want to kill her and her host, forcing wanda to come face-to-face with what she hasn't wanted to admit--she has to tell the humans how to remove a soul from a body. and in doing so she has to admit that she's been selfish and cruel by not telling them before. because by now they've more than proven that they can accept her kind under the right circumstances. so she's able to lay that out with the seeker and the first half of the season shows them starting to do it--to take souls out of humans and send them to different planets. the book does so many interesting things with this, showing how some people come back right away, some come back very slowly, some don't come back at all. there's a lot of material to work with (looking at you jodi and kyle and sunny) but eventually we get to the midpoint which is wanda asking doc to remove her and bury her with wes and walt. and then he does.

so the second half of the third season begins with melanie alone. and for the first time ever we don't hear from wanda at all. because she's in a cryotank and unable to have thoughts. so now we have what didn't get a chance to be really explored by the book--the aftermath of wanda's removal and the ethical debate of violating her wishes to put her in another body as well as the fact that when they do put her in one, it's one of the people who never woke up. it starts to get fuzzy here bc there's less original material to work with (and what is there is...not great the body they find for wanda is a 17 year old and ian is like 27 throwing up) and because there are so many directions to go after the book ends-- they find other human groups like they do in the book that also have a soul like her living among them, they try to work with the soul government to reach an agreement for peace, etc etc etc--and they're all so interesting! but the book ends because the love triangle has been resolved and it just doesn't address any of that. shaking steph by the shoulders and screaming

anyway the point of all of this is that this book and movie have been living rent free in my head for over a decade and i would simply like to make the good version of it that lives in my head real.

tldr i could fix her. steph meyer wya.