#I'VE NEVER HAD AN ACTUAL WITNESS TO THIS SHIT AND HE'S A DOCTOR TOO

[answrs]

not my mother having a fucking meltdown at me solely because I recounted the pain doctor's appointment slightly differently to her to the psychiatrist.

maybe it's for the best she didn't stay for the gyn because then she'd probably be actively gaslighting me about how all the disgusting things that happened in that room didn't "really" happen that way, stop lying to make people look bad. that stuff didn't happen but even if it did it didn't happen like that and even if it did I'm just overreacting over nothing.

[flowering-thought]

Part 2? Fuck I've been thinking about them too much again so here I am ;-;

Supossed to be writing something else but this AU has me held by my nonexistent balls-

Brainrot gods please spare me I am nothing but a simple creature who doesn't get enough sleep

Masterlist

WARNING - MINORS DNI

AFAB reader and reader is described as feminine and chubby/plus sized.

Yandere themes, obsessive behavior

COD Psych Ward Unit × Reader

When you were first transferring shifts from night to day, you only had a weekend to adjust your schedule.

You had told the boys about it previously so they were very eager to actually get to see you in the light of day instead of the cold lights of the hospital at night.

What they weren't expecting was your disheveled form and the annoying laugh of the front desk person who witnessed your poor state early in the morning at breakfast.

Price was pretty sure the scrubs you were wearing were inside out and Ghost could tell from where he was sitting that you definitely had eyebags.

Soap noticed that the usually organized tote bag you brought to work was stuffed a bit more than usual and he could tell you were not very happy.

Gaz had assumed the change would be tough on you but not this tough. The sight of you was enough to make his heart clench and the need to hold you in his arms worsened.

They really hadn't expected you to be this tired. The moment you made it past the desk they saw your shoulders droop and your eyes close for a moment, likely getting your bearings before the annoying form of the one and only Philip Graves stepped in front of you, getting in the way of their view.

"Well, what do we have here? Some poor darlin' made their way to the wrong unit?" the Texan teased, a shit-eating grin tugged at his lips.

What he didn't expect was your eyes to open and softly glare at him, a wry smile appearing on your features as you raised your brow at him, "And I wasn't expecting a warm welcome from a cowboy wannabee? Go eat breakfast, cowboy. I gotta get ready for my shift." You fired at him and watched as he put his hands up and backed away, a genuine grin on his features.

You rolled your eyes and moved down the hall, using your badge to access the breakroom and put your stuff away. While you got ready in the breakroom, trying to make yourself look more presentable and put together before your shift officially started, a commotion was happening in the common area with Ghost tugging graved by the neck of his shirt.

"Keep your disgusting paws off Graves. The last thing they need is some bastard like you interrupting their day." He growled, his fist tight as Soap and Gaz stood just in case they needed to support their lieutenant.

Graves just gave them the biggest shit-eating grin, his hands still up as though surrendering, "I'm not sure what you mean boys? Just givin' my greetings to the miss?" he teased.

Ghost stared him down until he decided to let go, Graves shirt wrinkled and scrunched up from how tight his grip was. Unfortunately, having 141 show interest in you made multiple others notice and observe you. And to Graves? He was curious about you from the moment you stepped into the ward on your day shift with those sleepy eyes that made him think about holding you close under the sheets. What can he say? He's a sucker for pretty things like you.

The moment you stepped back into the hall, the first thing you did was check the schedule, seeing if anyone had any meetings with the doctors or group therapy which was usually every day in wards like these. Much to your surprise there was nothing. You even checked the chart and notes from doctors but it was practically just telling you to let them sit in the common area through the day and lock them up at night.

You hummed to yourself, looking from the schedule to the assortment of men scattered around the tables where shitty games were played and they all clearly looked bored.

You had never worked in a ward as lacking as this one. It's like they were just kept here under high security for the fuck of it. You huffed before checking the rules for nurses and the activities they were allowed to do with the patients. And as you expected you were allowed free reign.

You couldn't help but shake your head in disappointment. Well if you were going to get paid well then you're at least gonna make the patients happy even if you have to force them to participate in activities.

So there you were, standing at the windows where all the tables could see you with an Uno deck in your hands, "Hello! Nice to meet you all I'm coming from the night shift so you'll see me more often!" You greeted, multiple heads and chairs turning to face you.

You hated the shift in attention but kept a smile on your lips and tried to ignore the invasive stares. "I'm nurse (L/n). And the schedule here looks a little lackluster, so I thought maybe a friendly game of Uno?" You offered.

The boys all sat at one table and just couldn't help the little flutter in their chest at your sudden proclamation. Graves sat at a table with Konig and Horangi. Konig, with his constant leg shaking and Horangi, just played with a deck of cards in his hands. Nikolai, who was still eating, sat at a table on his own but put the plate down at the sudden mention of an "activity".

You felt very awkward with all the stares but kept up the smile on your face as you brought a couple extra chairs to an empty table, "If anyone wants to participate, just come sit over here.".

Soap was quick in his decision, immediately choosing a chair next to you and Gaz tried to be fast but sadly Graves beat him to it. Gaz tried to grab Graves by the back of his shirt like Ghost had but watched your brow lift at the sight of his agitation.

With a huff, Gaz sat next to Soap, clearly ticked off, and glared at Graves, who had the same grin as always. Horangi, who you had yet to officially talk to sat down at the table.

Nikolai joined after putting his plate away while the rest who didn't want to participate brought over chairs so they could watch.

You smiled happily as you opened the uno cards and started shuffling, you weren't the best but you tried anyway and then gave everyone their cards.

Horangi lifted his hand, his eyes shielded by his sunglasses so you couldn't tell if he was looking at you or the cards in his hands, "How exactly do you play this?" He asked, his fingers holding onto the cards and fiddling with them curiously.

You looked around as the rest also didn't seem to know how to play the very colorful game of Uno. You laughed as you explained, the sight of grown men not knowing how to play uno somehow very amusing.

After explaining the basics and the rules, Gaz was the first one to get a double plus four by Graves, with an argument breaking out between them about how it's unfair.

Graves ended up calling Gaz a sore loser which made you stop him, "Nope, no name calling Mr. Graves. Play nice or I'll make you quit the game now." You warned, watching as his brows lifted in surprise. Gaz gave him a triumphant smirk and settled back into playing despite the massive amount of cards now held in his hands.

It went on like that for a bit, with the first person to get Uno being Nikolai, who proudly and very loudly claimed victory. "I win so I'll be getting a reward yeah?" He asked, his eyes pointing straight to you.

You just smiled and nodded your head, "Mhm, I brought extra snacks for the dayshift so I'll share them with you.".

The next person to win Uno was surprisingly Soap who had been very secretive about the cards he had and tried his best not to get angry when the color changed to something he didn't need.

Unfortunately, Horangi had the most cards in his hands. The ever-growing pile in his hands looked so bad you wanted to offer to take some off his hands but part of you also wanted to win.

It went on like that till lunch, with you getting uno, then Graves, and lastly with Gaz. The only one who didn't was the last player Horangi who had what you figured had to be the record holder of cards at 36.

You had fairly given out the snacks you promised, with Nikolai getting extra for being the first Uno winner. But you did sneak Horangi some candy you kept in your pocket with a small smile and your index finger to your lips.

And the day went fast with you proposing activities and checking over charts and rules. Honestly part of you didn't understand why these men were here.

From what you had seen all had been a part of the military and all had the problems that came with it. Ptsd, Cptsd, paranoia, insomnia, things that weren't exactly too bad and could likely be treated outpatient with how well the men acted.

You've seen many kinds of people in psych wards, and these men were the kind that would maybe need a month at most, not long-term stays.

While you wondered about it at your little desk you saw the head nurse approaching, a grumpy-looking woman who always had her hair held back in a tight bun that you imagined definitely hurt her scalp.

She looked to be in a bad mood as normally she didn't approach any of the nurses during their shifts and especially not in front of patients.

"What are you doing?" Came the shrill voice you had yet to get used to.

You flinch, your eyes darting between your desk, the head nurse, and the men who all sat eating dinner as it was now later in the day.

You looked a little confused, your hands coming down to sit in your lap, your fingers fiddled with each other before you replied, "Checking charts ma'am? Also checking schedules so I can plan activities." You claimed, your tone coming off ever more confused as if to ask why she was questioning you.

Her eyes glared at you as her hand raised to her hip, "Goodness I know you've been here for maybe what? A month or two? But you don't have to try so hard. This is a very lax ward for nurses you don't have to entertain the patients or even talk to them. Just give them medication and send them on their way." She stated, as though it was the most natural thing.

You wanted to protest but before you could she slammed her hand down on your desk and got close to your face, "Just listen hm? They don't need any special attention. They don't need kind treatment and they definitely don't need to be rewarded. Yes, I can't punish you for doing so but I can make things more difficult if I have to." She warned.

Price hated it, the way your body curled in on itself, how your eyes widened at the woman in front of you. All of the boys practically had to fist their knees to stop themselves from getting up.

Graves was silent but inside he was fuming. It was your first day shift and you're getting scolded by the head nurse for being a good nurse? What kind of damn logic is that?

Konig was getting anxious just watching, his leg bouncing aggressively enough to shake the table he sat hunched over. Horangi would have tried to help him out, but his hand ghosted over the candy in his pocket to prevent himself from yelling at this crazy woman who called herself the head nurse. He always hated when foolish women yell at innocent people like you.

Nik had to look away at some point, his hand gripping the table so tight you'd imagine his veins would pop if he gripped it any tighter.

After the woman thought she had thoroughly warned you, she told you to get off your shift and head home. "What? I don't even have to sign out for thirty minutes!" You protested, standing up to face her better.

You were beginning to get upset at her actions. She had never been this tight on you during the night shift, so why was she like this now?

"Just be glad you're getting off early hm? Have a good night (L/n)." She said.

You looked at her before walking off, heading to the breakroom to grab your things from your locker. You silently fumed as you signed out at the front desk, the women who knew you at the front desk gave you a look of sympathy as you walked off and out of the building.

When you got in your car you had the urge to scream but you just turned your key in and blasted music, your grip on the steering wheel tight.

On your way home you stopped by multiple places, the store to get a month's worth of snacks and the crafts store to get stickers and other things. Among them, you saw a couple of fidget toys. Squishy things and others with all sorts of switches and flips.

You contemplated before grabbing a couple, remembering the chart.

While at the crafts store you also bought some games, simple things that would be safe to bring into the unit and enough to piss off the head nurse, "Don't need kind treatment my ass... fucking bitch.." You grumbled, opening up the door to your apartment and plopping down.

"If I'm gonna be the only nurse to do my job then I'm doing a damn good one." You confirmed out loud, talking to no one but yourself as you clutched the blankets closer before falling asleep.

[goatcheesecak3]

i’ve had this one on the dome for a while so walk with me picture a lawrence x reader that is so ‘lawrence sees so much of adam in you that he’s subconsciously using you as a way to right his wrongs of leaving that poor boy down there’.

for an extra level of stress for larry imagine a reader who actually knew adam very well and that’s why the similarities between the reader and adam exist and larry can NEVER tell them about what happened

basically this is chainshipping angst once removed do you get me did i explain the idea well ? idk i feel you could SLAY THIS CONCEPT HARD ok bye

Longing

Lawrence Gordon x Gn!Reader

Fic type: angst

Warnings: mention of missing person

A/n hello!!! Sorry it's been so long since I've written anything, I've been feeling pretty uninspired, but I'm feeling it more lately!!

Thank you so so so much for this request! Sorry it's so short, but I really enjoyed writing it, so i hope you enjoy reading it <3

Lawrence had been seeing y/n for a while, now. When they first met he wasn't sure why, but he felt like he already knew them somehow, they had a familiar charm. He'd never been with someone like this before, he was so used to clean cut and straight edge partners, but he liked that y/n was a little rough around the edges. He liked that they could shotgun a beer, he liked that they always wore tattered and baggy clothes, he liked their dry wit and feisty attitude. Hell, he even liked their obsession with photography- the way they constantly took pictures of him should have been annoying, but something about it made him feel comforted. Their presence in his life was warm, it satiated a sense of hiraeth for him, like a hug from an old friend, filling a void he didn't know he had.

He was unsure why this was, until one faithful day.

Sat on the small balcony of y/n's apartment, y/n pulled out a packet of cigarettes.

"Greatest invention on this planet" they had chuckled, lifting the cig up to their lips.

Lawrence felt his heart stop, his throat became dry and his eyes widened.

"Why did you say that?" He asked urgently.

"What do you mean?" Y/n looked him, puzzled as to why this had illicited such a strange change in their partner's demeanour.

"I-i" Lawrence scrambled for an excuse for his outburst, realising now that he shouldn't have given away how visceral his reaction was, "I'm sorry, sweetheart, it's just that I'm a doctor, I see bad things happening all the time because of those," he motioned towards the cigarette, "it took me by surprise to hear you speak of them so highly, that's all"

Y/n smiled at him softly.

"I don't actually think they're the greatest invention on the planet, I mean, a couple when I'm stressed is like a godsend, yeah, but that whole 'greatest invention' thing is just an old joke between me and one of my friends."

Despite all better judgement, Lawrence decided to probe.

"Which friend is this?"

Y/n took a drag, and stared off into the distance

"His name was Adam"

Feigning ignorance, Lawrence probed deeper.

"Was?"

Y/n sighed.

"He was my best friend, he's the one that got me into photography, but he went missing about a year ago. I don't like to think about it too much, he was in with a kinda bad crowd, I don't wanna imagine what happened to him."

"Y/n, I'm so sorry" Lawrence said, his heart ached knowing what he knew.

"It's fine, " y/n waved her hand, as if to shoo away any bad thoughts, "when I miss him I just imagine that one day he took off, maybe following a band on tour, maybe he's off in another country chasing his dreams - he loved animals, maybe he's got a new life on a farm or some shit, I dunno.." y/n's voice trailed off, "maybe someday he'll come back with a great story, and I'll kick him in the balls for disappearing on me, then I'll give him the biggest hug I've ever given anyone"

"Do you really think he's happy out there somewhere?" Lawrence asked, guilt's tight grip pulling on his insides and twisting them around.

"I have to." Y/n responded solemnly, "it's the only way I can live"

[justcallmedust]

Maybe one day someone will read this that isnt a bot.

I am experiencing numbness in my face, on the right side, from my eye and behind it all the way down my cheek to the right nostril, corner of my mouth down to the jaw. This has been happening for a few months now. The toes on my right foot are also experiencing random numbness, only the smaller 3 tho.

I know these things could be associated with the Epstein Barr, Hypothyroidism or even the Lupus. I can't see a doctor about it so I wont every know for sure but its concerning because my father has diabetes and he experiences foot numbness also.

Yesterday the invitation for my youngest brother in law's wedding came and along with it was an invite to a bridal shower. When I saw it I felt my throat begin to close, I had to stop what I was doing and sit down because vertigo was right behind me. Once i regained control of myself, my first instinct was to tear them both up. I mean, theres no way I could possibly go to either of these things. The cost alone for nice clothing for 6 people would exceed a mortgage payment.. like how could we even? But its so much more than that.

I absolutely hate weddings, I think it is the most ridiculous and uneccesary thing people waste time and money on. I never would have gotten married myself if it werent for all the shit we went through with the custody battle between ourselves and my step-sons grandparents. NONE of which was even worth it, we should have just walked away - everything would be different now. But thats moot. Had that whole shit show not happened I would not be married right now, because it was, and is an outdated and useless tradition.

But its more than that too; I had no bridal shower, didnt receive any gifts.. I didnt even invite anyone to our wedding and it stands firm as one of the worst days of my life - and not just because I got married - it was an actual shit show of a day. We got married in the apartment we lived in at the time on one of the hottest days of that year, it was over 100 degrees and the cake my mother in law brought with her melted before we even said I do. I didnt even want a wedding, I wanted to sign the paper and just call it a day because it meant nothing to me. My mother in law happened to be ordained to perform marriages and instead of just signing that stupid paper she had to bring a wedding to my house. Only one of my friends came because I needed a witness to also sign the paper so I only invited her - we don't even talk anymore, she ghosted me about 10 years ago. Thanks for that btw KS. Right after we said I do, the snotty teenager shouted "what the heck was that" and I will never forget the sound of his winey little shit voice. Some of the local riff raff came over and it eventualy turned into a not nice party. The husband was shitfaced and eventually became abusive once everyone left and then passed out on the living room floor angry with me - as usual. No one that was there is part of our lives anymore, aside from his mother and my parents.. and our kids of course.

I have gone through phases where I wished I could have had a nice wedding with someone I loved surrounded by loved ones, but now I know I've run out of time for that. In the years that passed I attended the wedding of a friend I still am in contact with.. tho I never contact her because she's a lot and I burnt out on our friendship years ago. But I care about her and I just leave it where it is.. but the wedding was highly triggery and I knew then that I could not put myself through that again. Maybe if one of my kids gets married.. I dunno. All I do know is, I cannot handle the mental olypics I need to do to be ok at an even like this. So many things and emotions running through my head, I simply don't belong there. Also, at some point I will no longer be family to them and they wont even want the memory or pictures of me there ruining their happy day. I cant even smile with this mouth full of broken teeth..

I don't care if they hate me or if everyone thinks I'm wrong for not going. I can't do it.

[kazewhara]

Can I request diluc and childe with a strict doctor s/o? In fics their partner is usually portrayed as softer and more patient…but I want to see one who’s unafraid to call the boys out when they’re overworking or not taking care of themselves. Someone who has no qualms to go “you haven’t had a proper meal in DAYS eat your goddamn food” (esp to diluc lmao fire batman needs to rest)

P.s. just found this blog literally two hours ago and I completely fell in love with EVERYTHING? ❤️❤️❤️ You write angst deliciously too!

sick and tired.

masterlist!

# — pairings: diluc, childe x gn!doctor!reader

# — characters: gender neutral reader, diluc, childe, kaeya, bennett

# — summary: you've never been one to sit idly by and watch someone run themselves ragged, and your lover is no exception.

# — warnings: swearing, blood/injury mention, mildly suggestive content/speech (minors, i've got my eyes on you.)

# — tags: drabble format!!, (physical) hurt/comfort, fluff, a spoonful of angst, childe makes a few dirty jokes, the darknight hero wears a mask (finally.)

# — notes: everyone makes dirty jokes, even in their teenage years.. i'm not gonna tell minors not to interact since it's not explicit (really, it's just a comment or two), but this is the first time i'm writing something containing smth even remotely nsfw, so please don't forget that there may be more explicit stuff down the line! anon i'm sorry for the long note, but it had to be said so YEAH i hope you guys enjoy, and as always, reblogs/reactions are always appreciated!!

✧ — 𝐝𝐢𝐥𝐮𝐜 — ✧

"you're still awake." you deadpan, folding your arms over your chest as you watch your fiancé from the doorway. it's about 2:30 in the morning and diluc is still in his office, hunched over his desk with a mountain of paper work in front of him. you see his back straighten at the sound of your voice and he spins in his chair to get a better look at you.

"what are you doing up, darling?" he asks, his voice rich and honey-sweet. it's sickening, and not in a good way. you can see the way diluc blinks the fatigue away in an effort to soothe you, but it doesn't work. "are you having trouble sleeping? should i send someone to--"

your icy glare shuts him up immediately. if kaeya were here, he'd bust up about how the almighty diluc was silenced by nothing but a stern look. it'd be funny if you weren't so pissed off.

when you met diluc, you were the esteemed healer of the knights of favonius. your dendro healing capabilities were second to none in all of mondstadt, and adventurers who came from far and wide always came to you for premium treatment. you've seen some gruesome things over the years, but you've since grown numb to it, viewing each new injury as a learning experience. at some point, eight years ago, you thought you'd seen it all.

until you came across the battered body of the darknight hero.

"shit, shit, c'mon, breathe!" you pleaded as you desperately performed compressions on his chest. you had just finished your shift for the night when you heard the dying shriek of an abyss mage by mondstadt's gate. worried that the knights who killed it had gotten hurt, you rushed to their aid only to find a man with flaming red hair collapsed on the ground. you would have ruled it out as exhaustion if not for the fact that you couldn't see him breathing. you leapt into action and flipped the body over to scan him for further damage.

"dear archons," you swore.

you've seen some bad shit in your career. bennett, that poor boy, once came in with his leg crushed after another failed expedition; timaeus has come in (more than once, actually) after albedo accidentally botched some alchemical experiments, and so on. but nothing, nothing could have prepared you for the cryo damage you saw on the darknight hero's torso.

swallowing back the apprehension that never seemed to go away before healing someone, you reached over to check his pulse. when you felt nothing, you took a steadying breath. it's okay; you've dealt with patients like this. you can do this. you can still save him. you fumbled with his clothing and murmured a soft apology as you revealed the skin right over his heart.

fortunately, the cryo that spread across his body didn't seem to have reached his heart just yet, but if you lingered any longer, it would. you got right to work, hoping to at least kickstart his pulse. the flow of blood would raise his body temperature -- not by much, but it would be enough for you to continue healing elsewhere. so you started to perform cpr, lacing your fingers over his chest and began compressions.

that was fifteen minutes ago.

you refused to give up -- like hell you would give up! the darknight hero is... well, he's mondstadt's hero. he couldn't die here; you wouldn't allow it. "please wake up, you can do it..." you murmured to his unmoving body. you shut your eyes for a moment, scolding yourself for nearly considering him to be a corpse. you said a silent prayer to barbatos, begging for him to have mercy on the man beneath you.

a warm, gentle breeze rustled your clothes as you performed one more rescue breath. the very second your lips left the hero's, his body lurched and he gasped in a desperate effort to bring air into his lungs.

you did it.

you sat back on your haunches with a relieved gasp of your own. as much as you wanted to celebrate your success, your job wasn't done yet. "take slow breaths, sir. you just-- uh, what are you doing?"

the darknight hero, the man who literally just came back from the dead, was trying to get up and walk off. he groaned deeply as he rolled himself over and tried to push himself up onto his knees. "did... did you see," he panted, "my face?"

did you? you actually had no idea how to answer that, but the question made you frown. "who cares if i did?" you retorted. you grabbed his shoulders and slowly maneuvered him back down onto the ground. "you nearly died and that's the first thing you have to say?" you could feel him trying to resist you, but his muscles were too weak. it was a miracle he managed to turn himself over at all.

the crimson-haired man coughed. "it's... so cold. what happened?" he started to shiver and shake violently. you figured it was about time that he did.

"you're wasting your breath, sir." you scolded. you glanced at his face briefly. even if you wanted to see his face, you couldn't; there was a mask covering his eyes. but even with such a short look, you knew right away who the darknight hero really was.

really. if diluc ragnvindr wanted to hide his identity better, he should've worn a hooded cloak.

diluc didn't put up a fight after that. he actually drifted to sleep under the influence of your soothing dendro energy. it made the job easier. when he woke up, you sat him up and insisted that you escort him home. he fought you on it right away.

"you saw my face." he grunted. "why else would you offer something like that?"

"a thank you would be nice," you snapped back. you didn't wither under the intense glare he gave you from under his mask. you scoffed after a tense pause. "or not, i guess. you bring a man back to life and all you get is an angry stare." you mumbled to yourself as you stood and dusted off your clothes.

diluc's eyes followed your every movement. you could still feel the irritation rolling off of his weak frame in waves. "forgive my discourtesy," he said after a while. "is the escort offer still available?"

at least you know he isn't some self-absorbed asshole. you nodded and helped him back to the mansion, where adelinde ushered him inside with wide eyes. before leaving, you stopped her.

"make sure he doesn't leave this mansion for two weeks." you instructed. it wasn't a request; if he worked any more in that state, he was bound to hurt himself ever further.

adelinde's eyes jumped between you and the mansion. "oh... that's, um... i'll take it under advisement."

"i'm serious. i'll send someone from the cathedral with some medication; i better not have to save his life like that again."

you left without another word. it wasn't the first time you'd dealt with an ungrateful patient, but damn, he couldn't even spare a thank you? what a prick. if he ever comes back in, you swore you would push him off to some other healer -- you didn't want to have to put up with his shit.

needless to say, that didn't happen. you ended up coming to diluc's aid often after that (much too often, in your opinion). so often in fact, that a few years down the line, a heavily medicated diluc asked you to be his partner. you were livid with him for working himself to the bone again, but damn if the dopey grin he gave you when you accepted wasn't endearing as hell.

(he will deny that ever happened until the day he dies, but you remember. you'll always remember.)

back in the present day, diluc finally sighs through his nose at your angry silence. "honey, i can't figure out what's wrong if you don't tell me." he sounds so patient whenever he speaks to you. there's always unbridled affection that coats his words -- the kind of affection that's reserved for you and only you.

"do you seriously not know why i'm still awake?" you shoot back. you wait for him to figure it out. you've put up with his nonsense for years; if he honest-to-barbatos has no idea why you're upset with him, then you'd have to take drastic measures. "think, diluc. why else would i be awake at ass o'clock in the morning if i'm not working?"

your fiancé has the audacity to turn back to face his work. is he ignoring you? seriously? "diluc," you call. he doesn't answer. you feel your chest burn with white-hot anger.

"i'm a little bit busy right now, darling. i promise i'll finish up soon and come to bed--"

"bullshit!" your voice scares you, coming out much more shrill than you intended, but you've seriously had enough. for years, he would lie to you about his work habits -- about his vigilante work during his down time. for years, you've had to revive diluc again and again, watching him work himself to an early grave. you've brought him back from death once. you don't want to have to do it a second time.

you don't think you'll be able to, anyways. you sure as hell don't want to test that.

diluc jumps at your outburst, swiveling back around with a frown. "must you yell, darling?"

"don't you 'darling' me, diluc ragnvindr," you snarl his name, the pent-up frustration of years finally pouring out of you. "you always, always say that you're going to slow down, going to come to bed, going to rest, but you don't! you never fucking do! how many times are you going to lie to me? i'm tired, diluc!"

he's stunned into silence. you can't stop.

"all i want -- all i have ever wanted was for you to take a goddamn break. is that too much? am i asking for too much? do you want me to care less?" you wince at that last question. it pains you to even think about not caring about him -- not loving him.

but if he doesn't care for himself, there won't be anymore of him for you to love.

diluc opens and closes his mouth in search for an answer, but comes short. he can only say your name. "i... i'm sorry. i'll finish up for you in a moment--"

"how long is a moment supposed to be, diluc?

you caught him. he doesn't have an answer to that. you laugh derisively and turn on your heel, ignoring his calls of your name. "save it. sleep in here for all i care," you speak over your shoulder. you don't look back as you walk back into your shared room. you throw yourself on the bed with a loud groan.

you feel remorse for a moment, but no longer than that. you're right to be so upset with diluc; you've used so much of your energy trying to keep him safe whilst working non-stop at the favonius clinic. you can only take so much. your heart tugs painfully when you think about how much you yelled at him. you've never done that before, but if that's what it takes to get it through his head that you've had enough, then so be it.

you start to doze off about twenty minutes later, but just as your eyes begin to shut for the night, you hear the door to your room open. "adelinde?" you murmur as you sit up and rub your eyes. "is that you?"

"adelinde? that's the first name you call?"

it's diluc.

you must have gasped out loud, because diluc chuckles softly. "lay back down, darling. i'm coming." he says. you watch as diluc quietly prepares himself for bed and slides in beside you, resting his head on the pillow. crimson eyes peer up at you in the darkness. "are you not going to lay down?"

you glare weakly at him. "i dunno, am i?"

diluc sighs. "darling..."

"if you're doing this to appease me, then you may as well have slept in the guest room." you lay down with a huff, turning your back to him. you won't lie -- seeing him here in bed for the first time in three weeks was making your heart soar, but that doesn't erase what's already said and done.

a strong arm snakes around your waist and tugs you back until you hit a solid warmth -- diluc's chest. you can feel him breathing, and that alone brings you a little bit of peace. you don't give in, though. "what do you want?" you grumble.

lips ghost over the shell of your ear, sending shivers down your spine. you try your best to pretend that you didn't react.

"you were right," diluc whispers. he's so... close. you squirm in his hold. "i'll come to bed as soon as you do, and i'll stay as long as you want me to. how does that sound?"

"it sounds fine" gets caught in your throat. you don't know if you could believe him; he could be lying. it wouldn't be the first time. but... call it a gut feeling, but you feel like he's telling the truth this time.

and what kind of fiancé would you be if you didn't trust him?

you give up your fight and turn to face him, your brows still drawn. you all but slap one of your hands on his forehead, feeling his temperature. "fine," you murmur, "but tomorrow morning, i'm healing you before you go to work. don't think i didn't notice you stumbling when you changed your clothes."

you can see the pink rising to diluc's cheeks. "ah... alright."

you sigh. you'd never stop healing him -- you'd do it over and over for him in a heartbeat. but if he really, truly meant what he said, then you could stop. diluc was finally taking a step in the right direction, and that's all you wanted.

baby steps.

✧ — 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐞 — ✧

"hey, gorgeous. your favorite harbinger is back-- ow-- hey! easy! i'm an injured man, knock it off!"

you don't knock it off. you throw rolls of bandages in tartaglia's direction one after the other, emphasizing every word with each throw.

"why! do you! keep! coming! back here?!" you reach down for another bandage and huff when you see you've thrown all you had in stock. it wasn't much anyways. that thought only makes you angrier. you would have more bandages if a certain someone didn't keep coming back to the infirmary.

you knew what you were getting into when you became the resident healer for the fatui. you're busy as hell every single day, scurrying here and there as legionnaires and agents literally form lines outside your clinic to be healed.

you supposed that it was normal for grunts like them to need constant attention; the tsaritsa's missions were unforgiving, and when word of a meddling blonde traveler spread through zapolyarny palace, you eventually figured out what was causing the daily increase in patients.

you didn't mind, really! especially not since you, as a pyro vision holder, were well respected for your exceptional skills. you were valuable to all of the fatui, and despite the lack of genuine comraderie they had amongst their ranks, you still managed to befriend a few regulars.

you wish you didn't have regulars, but they were kind to you when they were being healed. you're allowed to have a soft spot, okay?

naturally, word got around that a certain pyro healer was sending patients away in top condition; it came as no surprise to you that the harbingers had heard of you. it was bound to happen at some point, so you didn't mind when la signora came to poke around your little space.

but then scaramouche paid you a visit, then dottore. he wasn't all that bad, contrary to what you've heard about him.

no, no; the worst of them was tartaglia.

he was the first (and the only, as you later learned) harbinger to come to you as a patient. you heard rumors of his unhinged personality, so you put your guard up as soon as you made eye contact. the line between you two was clear from the get-go, but tartaglia clearly had other plans.

"they never said our healer was easy on the eyes." he crooned as you patched him up. that flirty tone must work on others very well. you silently admitted that yes, you could understand why. tartaglia wasn't half bad himself, but you weren't the flirty type.

"while i appreciate your compliment, lord tartaglia," you replied in your best professional tone, "i'd rather you not show any sort of favoritism towards me. now, hold still -- this might burn a little."

tartaglia raised his eyebrows, clearly intrigued. you hadn't meant to peak his interest, but here you stood, channeling pyro energy to close his shallow wounds. he didn't flinch as you worked; he must have a high pain tolerance.

"you're the objective type. good to know." he mused when you were done. you hand him a few painkillers; he waved you off, but you insisted, so he took them without much fight. "will i be seeing you around, then?"

you were busy organizing your supply shelves, so you didn't look over your shoulder as you replied with a short "no."

the harbinger chuckled as he walked away. you were cute.

you were very cute to him; in fact, you were so cute that tartaglia found ways to injure himself every day in order to come and see you.

it goes without saying that you've since grown callous to his entire presence.

much like your other patients, you managed to form a bond with tartaglia, albeit a bit unwillingly. he made small talk while you dressed his wounds, asking you about everything from your favorite food to your family. he was nuisance in every sense of the word, but if you were being honest, he was really the highlight of your week.

unfortunately, you fell victim to his charms along the way.

in your defense, tartaglia has these bottomless blue eyes that are way too easy to get lost in. you only realized it when he came in for a black eye; you had no choice but to get a closer look, and only when he mentioned that you were quiet for too long did you realize that you were screwed. luckily for you though, he fell for you in return and confessed to you as you were cleaning up for the day.

it's a little thrilling, no? to be in a secret relationship with one of the most powerful men in snezhnaya. (it's not totally a secret, but you'd like to think it is.)

but why would you be throwing bandages at him? because you're sick of seeing him hurt all the time.

you're well aware that tartaglia has a high pain tolerance. he's supposed to have one -- it's kind of in the fine print of being a harbinger. but just because he can handle it doesn't mean you like it. most of the time he sees you in the clinic, he's got some surface wound that needs nothing more than a bandage, but even those leave scars.

high pain tolerance or not, you know it hurts him. he's too careless with himself, and you can't stand it. some days, he comes in genuinely needing help.

like today, for example. he may be laughing at you for throwing all those bandages, but you can see the sag in his shoulders, the way he's bracing himself on the wall, and oh archons, he's passing out--

tartaglia drops to one knee with a soft grunt. he's clearly trying to fight whatever it is that's ailing him, but it'll be a cold day in hell (and an even colder day in snezhnaya, if that was even possible) before you let him try to charm his way out of proper care. you rush to his side and help him over to the bed, where you push him down. it should've taken more effort on your part to knock him over, but he pretty much collapses with the gentlest touch.

"look at you," he pretty much wheezes, "got me falling for you all over again."

"shut up." you hiss. you quickly locate everything you might need before grabbing your clipboard and a pen. "you know the drill, tartaglia; shirt off."

your boyfriend wiggles his eyebrows at you. "if you want me naked, you're gonna have to wait until we're off the clock, sweetheart."

that's his way of saying he can't. you roll your eyes and help him out of his shirt before taking notes on his heart rate, blood pressure, and all the other essentials. and then he tells you the last time he ate and slept for longer than four hours.

"damn you, ajax, you can't keep doing this!" you throw your clipboard aside as you channel pyro energy to your palms. your vision, full of boundless energy, is capable of transferring energy from one source to another. you give tartaglia as much as you can without overwhelming him before sitting at the bedside. "i told you to give it a rest -- why won't you listen?"

tartaglia doesn't meet your eyes. it's that vacant expression again. "i have a job to do, you know that."

"you can't do that job if you're dead, ajax."

"i won't die, though." he looks at you blankly, but you can see the irritation building. "that's your problem; you seem to take me for some weakling. i'm fine, i--"

you slap his shoulder with all your strength. tartaglia winces, and neither of you say anything. you shouldn't be able to make him flinch at all, and yet here he is, rolling his shoulder back to ease the sting.

"fine? the ajax i know would've laughed at me for doing that."

tartaglia -- no, ajax -- sighs. he's a smart man; he knows when he's beat. "fine, doc. what's your recommendation?"

you close your eyes for a moment. he was clearly about to chew you out for underestimating him, but that was going to be a conversation for another day. for now, he needed your help, and you were going to do your best.

when you finish all your suggestions and stand to grab some more supplies, ajax raises an eyebrow at you. "what?" you ask. "did i miss something?"

ajax shakes his head. "no, it's just... you're good at your job." he drops his chin into his palm as he examines you. now that he's feeling better, he's back on his usual shit, ocean blue eyes raking your figure. "it's kinda hot, actually."

you flush against your will and throw a pill bottle at his head, which he catches with a laugh. "what, i can't admire you at work?"

"you can admire me all you want when i'm not working, okay?

another chuckle, but deeper this time. "is that a promise?"

you don't know how you put up with this man. "if it means you'll sleep for now, then yes."

there's some shuffling. you watch as ajax quickly makes himself comfortable. you can't help but laugh. at least he's resting. "i'm not gonna sleep, though!" he says from under the blankets.

he does. he's out after five minutes.

✧ hi hi anon! it probably wasn't exactly what you were looking for, but i hope it's still to your liking!

[hello-nichya-here]

Do you have any thoughts on the whole Johnny Depp and Amber Heard scandal?

*deep breaths* Aaaaand here we go. I'm finally gonna stick my hand in this wasp nest.

Look, I don't know either of them personally, I don't remember watching anything with Amber in it and I stopped caring about Johnny's works right after the Pirates Of The Caribean movies started sucking, and I am 100% willing to look at the whole thing with an open mind...

But while Johnny is no saint (dude dated a minor despite being a fully grown adult, clearly has a drug/drinking problem, and said some INCREDIBLY DISTURBING shit about Amber), I just can't ignore that:

01) There's literal audio of Amber actually saying the words "I can't promise you that things won't get physical again", calling him a baby for trying to de-escalate fights with her, mocking him for "begging someone to save him", admitting to punching him and throwing pots and pans at him, and even infamously straight up saying "Tell the world, Johnny. Tell them, I, Johnny Depp, male, an a victim of domestic violence. See how many people believe or side with you."

02) She claims to have gone though some horrible shit (violent rape, broken glass at her feet, being hit in the head until passing out, and having her nose broken multiple times) that would probably have left her at the hospital for days and leave scars, yet somehow she healed perfectly without going to a doctor once.

03) She lied about donating the money she won from their divorce after going on and on about how this was proof she wasn't accusing him of domestic violence for money/revenge.

04) Every single one of her witness except for her sister say they never saw Johnny get violent after drinking, while he had plenty of people supporting his claims against her ("He could have bought them off!" So could she, guys, they're both rich. If we're giving her the benift of the doubt until proven otherwise, we gotta do the same for him.)

05) Amber's lawyer straight up lied about a make up pallet she supposedly had used all through their relationship to hide bruises (and that was even accepted as evidence against Johnny) but that had actually only been sold after they had already divorced.

06) She has a previous accusation of domestic violence (though she has not been proven guilty of it) while Johnny has none.

07) Her claim that Johnny had part of his finger (ONE finger, the rest of his hand was fine) cut (CUT, not crushed, broken, or bruised) after hitting her with a phone just does not make as much sense as his claim that it happened after she threw a bottle at him (especially with the recording of her admitting to throwing things at him). Yes, I know he said he hurt it himself previously, but if we are supposed to give Amber the benefit of the doubt and say she could have hidden her own abuse out of shame/fear (which is something many abuse victims do) we need to do the same for Johnny, and again, he has more evidence to back up his claims than she does.

Overall, this far, on this day, 21 of May 2022, from what I've seen, I'm siding with Johnny. Unless there's some major twist that can prove all of his evidence against Amber was somehow faked AND she can actually bring up something solid against him, I don't see this changing. It sucks that I have to say that I think Amber is lying because there's still sadly a ton of women being abused by their partners and this can lead to people just assuming they're lying too because mysogyny is still a thing, but there is just too much pointing in favor of Johnny being the abuse victim in this specific situation.

Now excuse me while I prepare for the shitstorm.

[myafterlifeisbetterthenyours]

Welcome, Father...

"Tell us, demon scum." The male agent grabbed the light from the female agent, shoving it in his face, "Who do you work for? Satan?"

"How did you get to our world from the afterlife?"

"Why are youse killing humans?"

"When did you show up here?"

The damned agents finally stoped passing the lights about, giving him a moment to adjust to the situation.

"Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, bitch." He snapped at the humans, "First of all, we just woke up from a very nasty shock and I'm still feeling fuckin' woozy, so I'm gonna request you fetch us some coffee before we get into this. I mean, everyone gets coffees in shitty movies with scenes like this, am I right? I want something iced, bitch." Looking over his shoulder, he asked his employee, "Mox?"

Raising his nose, Moxxie began, "I'll have a Neopolitan cappuccino, more cappu than cino, make sure it's got no more than four ounces of milk, the beans won't have the right texture otherwise, and make sure they spell my name correctly on the cup they always put "Foxy" or "Roxy", I hate that."

"If you can't handle that, I'll have a Venti traditional Misto. Please use soy milk with two blond shots Affogato and Ristretto. I'd also love three vanilla pumps at the very bottom. Then, add the coffee after, then-"

"Enough!" The male agent snapped, "We aren't getting youse coffee!"

"Wow, I was getting massive douche chills just there, Mox." He told him proudly, "Congrats!"

"If we have to, we are willing to resort to torture methods to get answers out of you nasty hell beasts!" The female agent failed to sound threatening.

"When you say "tortured", do you mean physical or psychological?" Moxxie asked in his typical know-it-all tone, "Physical seems counterproductive; we would likely tell you anything if it meant an end to the pain, and you have no way of knowing what was true." He spouted at the humans.

"Or we might like it too much." He but in, "And then you got a whole new thing to deal with."

The male agent leaned down, raising a bore "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, you're stupid, huh? I can work with stupid. Daddy Likey Dummy!" Blitzø taunted the agent.

"Good one sir, Daddy likey-" Moxxie sputtered, squirming in his chair.

"You better stop laughin' at us." The female agent threatened.

"Yeah! You're the ones at our mercy!" The male agent yelled at him, grabbing his collar

"It's hard to resist, I'm really sorry. I mean, considering your approach thus far, you've had us tied up here for what, hours?" Mox cut in, "And you haven’t even had us confirm what exactly we are!" Moxxie mocked the agents like the nerd he was.

"What are you?" The female agent asked, a curious tone coming to the females voice.

"I'm a Virgo." Moxxie told her, smugness dripping from his voice.

Both Imps burst into laughter, the agents only getting more frustrated.

Just as the male agent was gonna snap at them, the door to the room suddenly swung open.

An unnatural amount 9f light poured into the room, blinding them all for a brief moment. Once there eyes adjust, they found a silhouette standing in the doorway.

They were dressed in black, looking up a distinct shine came from his eyes, the figure wearing glasses.

Walking into the room, the figure spoke, "The question isn't what they are? The question is why there here?" He spoke cryptically.

Stepping closer the male agent came to meet the stranger halfway, "Who da Hell ah' you and how'd you get in here?" The male agent demanded.

Raising his gaze the stranger wore a smile.

The agent noticeably reacted. Stumbling back "F-f-f-father Cain... W-what are you's doin here?" He sputtered.

This 'father' just smile at him, "My associates informed me you acquired two new specimens." He looked at him, "I've come to process them." He spoke menacingly.

Father cain looked over the agents shoulder, gazing at him and Moxxie. "Excellent job My child. I always knew my faith was well placed." The father told the agent, patting his shoulder.

The agent seemed taken aback, "Th-thank you Sir." He spoke, a lone tear sliding down his cheek.

"Father Cain?" The female agent asked, walking up to 'father' Cain. "Last I heard you were down at some beach on Spring break."

Smiling at the pair, father cain raised a finger, "Ive no time for such hedonistic pleasures. Not while the Lords work is to be done" He said happily.

"Now" He began cheerfully "I need a table if I am to do my work." He spoke firmly, raising a medium sized doctors bag, that seemed to appear from nowhere.

The male agent snapped to attention, quickly running about before rushing into the back room.

Walking forwards, Father Cain removed his glasses, staring down at him. "My, my, my, they certainly did a good job. Quite a pair of specimens you have here." He spoke to himself.

Raising a brow, Blitzø wore a little grin. "Oh yeah? You should see my junk, now thats a specimen." He spoke in his usual cocky tone.

'Father' Cain just smiled, slowly walking around to Moxxie inspecting him as well. "And unharmed, very impressive." The 'Father' told the female agent.

A moment later, the male agent returned, awkwardly dragging in a large wooden table. Dropping it down, he gave a few deep puffs, "There ya go 'Fatha', will this do?"

'Father' Cain smiled told him, gratefully telling him "That will do perfectly, thank you my child."

Walking over, the 'Father' placed his bag down before opening it and pulling out a myriad of odd and strange objects.

There was a series of shiny items and tools. Although a small wooden case caught his attention, the Imp couldn't help but think it didn't belong.

"Hey, uh, you guys seem pretty chummy and we'd hate to be a third wheel, so we'd be happy to leave you to it." He cut in smugly, hoping to get a rise from one of them.

And that he did, the male agent trying to snap at him, only to be tempered by this 'Father' Cain

Calming down, the male agent asked, "What did you mean, when you came in Sit. That it's not "What they are, it's why there here?'"

Smiling, Father Cain patted his shoulder, "I'm glad you caught that, I always knew you were sharp."

He smoke warmly, "I said that because, simply put. I know what they are. They are Imps." He said it simply.

That actually surprised him, even Moxxie reacted, releasing the slightest gasp.

Looking over the father just had a eerie smile, clearly happy with there reaction.

Both agents looked confused, "Imps?" They asked each other.

The father released a deep sigh, "Yes, Imps. Imps are the very lowest of the low in hell, as well as the lowest of the Hellbornes, or Hellspawn, I can never seem to remember which is the proper term."

Walking over, Father Cain placed a finger under his chin, raising his head to meet his gaze. "Your responsible for the death of a two hundred and sixty three humans." He told him coldly.

"Yeah, but I wanna know is why?" The female agent asked, "If they were just killing humans for shits and giggles, why not just kill wherever and whenever?" She asked.

Nodding his head, "Because..." Father Cain stood up, "They do serve a higher demon, but not Satan."

Standing up, the 'Father' walked to his bag, pulling a yellow folder out. "They've killed hundreds, and the only thing that connects them...? Death."

There was another pause, before he spoke again, "But not there deaths. Each person they've killed has had someone directly related to there lives die in the past decade."

Walking over to the Imps, the 'Father' showed them a series of pictures. Blitzø recognised them... they were targets they'd killed.

"There not killing them for a demon lord, there killing them for other human souls. I imagine with a the ability to travel to the human world, you've turned revenge into a buisness." He said simply, tossing the pictures to the side.

Crouching down, the 'Father' stared at him coldly before asking "Who's book did you use to get here, Demon?"

Blitzø stared back at him, the Imp doing his best to keep calm. But he could tell this human was clearly more dangerous than the other two idiot 'demon hunters'.

Standing up, 'Father' Cain told the other agents coldly, "Leave us. Remove any cameras. I dont want any sort of witness."

"What?" The female agent asked aghast, "We caught these 'Imps' there our score and we'll be interrogating them." She snapped at the 'Father', only for the the father to calmly stare at her.

Before he could speak, the male agent grabbed her by the wrist, dragging her out of the room he spoke hastily "P-please forgive her, Sir. She doesn't fully understand the importance of your work."

The female agent put a fight, but was quickly pulled out of the room, slamming it behind him.

Now with just the three of them, 'Father' Cain removed his glasses before placing them on the table.

Stretching his neck, he removed the white collar piece at the front of his shirt, placing it in his coat pocket.

"Now" he began coldly "shall we begin the fun?"

Turning around, Blitzø decided now was a good time to speak up. "Fun, aye? What kinda fun we talkin. Shots, blow, maybe a good old fashioned threesome?" He asked, hoping to get under this 'Father' Cain's skin.

He was surprised, however, when the 'Father' just laughed, glancing over his shoulder at him.

"Your tricks won't work on me demon. I'm used to your tricks by now." He spoke happily, grabbing a small gun like object. Placing that down, he inspected a series of bottles.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Blitzø spoke up. "You clearly know more us then those dumbass agent dickwads did, so... what's your game?" He asked, trying to be serious.

The human stopped for a moment, looking over his shoulder, he spoke up, "I know much about you. For instance, your the other Imps boss, hence he calls you Sir." He spoke coyly, still inspecting the myriad of items he'd brought.

"I also know you've killed people on three different continants, although I wonder how many you came up to kill specifically and how many were collateral." He spoke again.

Turning around he held a small bottle, walking forwards he leaned over Blitzø "I also know you can only get to the living world if your a succubus, a demon lord, or... you have a Grimoire."

Blitzø chuckled, "What is that some kinda fish?" He asked, trying to play dumb.

The 'Father' chuckled, shaking his head, "Besides how do you know I'm not a succubus, I can hold my own in the sack." He spoke smugly.

The 'Father' stared at him, an eerie smile crossing his lips.

"You want to know how i know what you are?" He asked coldly, cold eyes sending a shiver down his spine and not in the good way.

Before he could ask what I was, the father reach forwards, ripping a hole in his pants leg. "What the fuck?!" He yelled at him, "These are my good pants!"

Not minding him, the 'Father' removed a second bottle. "This" He showed him a small blue bottle, "Is poisen to Succubus." He said simply, opening the bottle and revealing an eye dropper, dropping two little droplets on his leg.

Nothing happened, the cool liquid sliding down and observing into his pant leg. Putting the bottle away He showed the original brown bottle, "This... is for Imps." He said simply.

Opening the bottle, it revealed another eye drop, holding it over his thigh, he dropped a single drop on his leg.

This time his whole body reacted, he pulled against his bindings as he released a blood curdling screech.

It felt like someone was jamming a molten hot poker into his thigh. It went on for minutes, the Imp whining in pain. "What the fuck do you want you sick fuck?!" Blitzø yelled at him.

A small smile crossed the 'Father's' lips before he stood up and told him "I want to show you something."

Walking over to the table, he grabbed that wooden case before bringing it over to the Imps.

Crouching down besides the both of them, he told the both of them "These are my most prized possessions." He spoke warmly, running his hand across the wooden case.

"What'cha got there? Ya dildo collection?" He tried to sound smug, though the Imp was still writhing in pain.

He heard moxxie tried to laugh, but it died in his throat, the smaller Imp still terrified by his boss's earlier reaction.

Opening the case, he revealed several colourful arrow heads, each one varying in size, shape and colour.

It took a long time, the imp looking over the arrow heads before he realised, 'Those aren't arrow heads... there demon tails.'

"Fuck..." Blitzø gasped, he heard Moxxie sputter out a similar cuss, just as scared behind him.

The 'Father' on the other hand, seemed quite proud, gently trailing his fingers across the tail heads.

"These are my life's work" He spoke calmly, "I've dedicated my life to hunting demons like you." He trailed his fingers across the tails, "Most of these are from Succubus. They can come and go from my world to yours the easiest, so most of the demons we find are Succubus."

He pointed to two crimson tail tips, "But these two... these two are special."

Leaning in, he spoke gently "These two... are from Imps." The revelation seemed to bring bile into the back of Blitzøs throat.

"Jesus..." moxxie said shakily, turning his head and throwing up.

Blitzø took a deep breath, doing his best not to throw up. Looking back at the human he found him holding up a tail head.

"This one" he told him, twirling it between his fingers, "I got at a little beach city. The city getting my attention after a giant demonic fish had popped up. Sound familiar." He asked with a smirk.

"Unfortunately most of them had used there demonic charm to escaped the police before I arrived... key word being, 'most'." He told him, turning his attention back on the tail head.

"I got this one from a succubus. She hid herself as a chubby little black woman. She played dumb, just like you, and much like you she was cocky and ignorant." Placing the tail tip into the container, he said coldly, "But now..."

He left the question open, clearly trying get in there heads. The problem being... it was working.

Standing up the human didn't speak for several long moments, before he placed the case on Blitzøs lap, gently telling him "Hold this"

Blitzø's whole body froze up, a deep sickness growing in his stomach as he felt the cool wooden case on his lap.

The human walked over to the mirror Blitzø only just noticed. The human stared at it for a long moment, the silence in the room becoming palpable.

Until the silence was dashed when the 'Father' smashed his arm through the mirror, before throwing his body back smashing the male agent through the mirror and slamming him into the wall.

Looking at his slumped form, 'Father Cain turned back to the now broken mirror, finding the terrified female agent standing there.

Releasing a deep sigh, the 'father' began climbing in through the now broken double sided mirror.

"It was your doing, wasn't it?" He asked, "I said I needed no witnesses, but you always did hold him back. What a waste of potential." The 'Father' told her, before grabbing her and dragging her through the window.

Bringing her to her knees, he grasped the sides of her head.

The woman desperately clawing at his arms. The female agent releasing a desperate cry for mercy as he began crushing her head.

Blood began trailing from her eyes and nose, crying out until her head splattered between his hands, sending a splatter of bone and brain matter across his face.

Dropping her now destroyed head, he realised it, the now sludge like head hit the ground with a wet splat.

Before the 'Father' flicked his hands, looked back at the Imps, "What the fuck are you?!" Blitzø yelled at him.

The human only smiled, walking over, he gently grabbed the wooden case before walking back over and placing it on the table.

Walking over to the now collapsed male agent, he placed his foot on the side of his head. "I... am alpha and Omega." He said coldly, staring him right in the eyes before crushing the other agents head beneath his foot.

Walking back to the table, he grabbed a red cloth, wiping his face before placing on his glasses he turned to the two Imps.

"Oh Satan... Oh, Satan please, please help me" Moxxie begged, clearly losing his shit. "Please just let me see Millie one last time, I don't want to die."

Before Blitzø could snap at his limp dick employee for showing weakness, the roof began to rumble, bit suddenly gave way, Millie falling through carrying a battle axe.

"MILLIE!!!" Moxxie practically cried, tears of joy beading in his eyes.

"MOX!" Millie cried back, rushing over and getting them out of ther bindings.

Just after that Loona broke through the door, Blitzø taking a moment to tell her how proud he was to see her in the field.

Now all free and together they turned to the 'Father', finding him still very much cool and collected, the sight sending a bone chilling shiver down his spine.

"Just in time" The human spoke, seemingly happy at the outcome "Its so good to see a family reunited."

"Now I imagine one of you have my Grimoire?" He asked inspecting his fingers. "Give it to me and I'll let you leave."

Now it was Blitzøs turn to chuckle, "Nah, I don't think so." He spoke cockily, reaching into his emergency pack for a gun.

The 'Father' just chuckled again, standing up straight he snapped his finger. And like it were choreographed, dozens of suit wearing humans burst into the room.

"Gentlemen!" He addressed them "These demonic scum have killed your commanders. And they shall do it again and again and again, until you send them back to hell." He told them, stepping into the back room.

The fight after that was one of the best Blitzø had ever had, although it would have been even better if he didn't have this injured leg.

Regardless, the whole thing was so bad ass and everyone was working together so well. He even got to see his Loony kick some ass.

Firing a missle, from his over sized launcher, he cleared what was left of the agents.

He'd though that was it, there weren't anybody left to stop them.

He was wrong.

The lights to switch to red, an alarm start blaring through the facility.

They all made for the door, only for a series of doors to slam in there face, locking them in the room.

His Loony tried desperately to read the book, but couldn't see anything in the crimson light that filled the room

It was then he heard a slow clapping, all of them turning to find the 'Father' giving them a condescending clap.

"Well done, Hellspawn, Well done. You've killed all the witnesses, depleted your ammunition and now I know you can't read the Grimoire in crimson light. Well done."

Standing before them, even outnumbered and unharmed, the 'Father' seemed to hold total control of the situation.

Before he could think of something any, all the air seemed to such out of the room, demonic whispers filling the room like shadows.

"You dare threaten my Impish little plaything~" the whispers spoke.

He knew this voice, but like his friends and family, he chose not to speak, too caught up in the moment.

Screens flew off the wall, avian footprints trailed across the floor. The bodies of the dead agents rose to there feet, eyes black as they began the intricate process of drawing some demonic symbol from there own blood.

Stepping back the 'Fther' looked about, before smiling, "Finally" He whispered, pulling out a flask and began chugging it.

Shadows seemed to slither like a million black snakes crawled across the floor, disappearing at the 'Fathers' feet.

There was a long pause before the human bent over and violently projectile vomited, throwing up what seemed like gallons of black liquid from his mouth.

The vomiting stopped, the human standing back up.

The back liquid slowly pulled itself to gathering, slowly morphing into a figure.

The black tar slowly formed into feathers, limbs and fingers, a set of crimson eyes appearing in the black goo.

The figure appeared to be Stolas. But this was not the elegant demon lord of hell.

This being was a wretched, wounded animal, covered in filth.

The 'Father' just wiped his mouth, that cold gaze returning to his eyes. Stepping forwards he grabbed Stolas by the filthy collar, staring him down.

The owl demon was a sputtering mess, coughing up black liquids as he tried to breathproperly.

The owl looked up at him.

And for the very first time in wjat was likely a millennia of existence, Stolas looked Terrified.

Not scared.

Terrified.

Grabbing at the arms of the human, the Prince of Hell sputtered out, "W-what are you?"

The human stopped, looking down at the owl, leaning down and whispered, "I am the beginning... and i am the end..."

The owl just stared up at him in horror, the humans hand coming to wrap around his throat, the demon feebly attempting to break free from his grasp.

There was a long moment where the only sound in the room was the prince's pitiful wheezing, frail little cries coming from the owl as the life was squeezed out of him.

The sounds were seemingly corked by a wet smack ringing out.

Blitzø had taken one of the agents weapons, a large knife and had impaled the 'Human' through the lower stomach.

There was a long moment of silence, before the 'human' slowly turned to look at him with that same cold gaze.

Without releasing Stolas, he pulled his arm back and smacked Blitzø, sending him sliding back to his friends.

Reaching down, he grabbed the knife, yanking it out of his back without hesitation.

Nothing came from his wound, and when pulling the knife out, no blood stained it's blade.

With knife in hand, he released the owl, letting his pathetic form hit the ground, the owl desperately gasping for breath.

Leaning down, you grasped Stolas' wrist, the owl releasing a pathetic little gasp of pain, followed by a frail little whimper as the 'Human' slid the blade across his wrist.

But what came next left them all shocked.

Bringing his wrist to his mouth, he pressed his mouth down before greedily suckling the foul blood straight from his veins.

He drank down the demons fowl blood, not making a sound cept the muscles of his throat contracting to push the fowl liquid down his throat.

The demons black blood flowed down his throat. Every demon in the room just watched, to shocked to think and to fearful to do anything as you had your way with the Prince.

After a few minutes of the 'Father' drinking the demons blood, he finally released the demons wrist. The owl quickly clutching his wrist to his chest as he desperately clawing to get away from the 'human'.

The 'Father' stood there, panting as a demons black blood stained his lips.

When he finally opened his eyes, they held a Unholy glint to them.

Wiping his lips he walked forwards, calmly packing what few items had survived the fighting into his bag before Putting on his glasses and placing the small white band into his shirt collar.

Walking past the now cowering demon Prince, he leaned over and pressed one of the buttons on the dashboard, instantly the lights returned to normal.

Stepping before the group they awaited some sort of attack, or threat, what they got instead was a single phrase "Excuse me."

He said it so simply, each hellborne took a moment to make sure they'd heard correctly.

Each of them just stared for a moment before Millie spoke up, "What?"

The human raised a brow, lowering his glasses he asked again, this time his voice cold, threateningly cold, "Excuse me."

The demons awkwardly stepped to the side, giving him a clear path to walk.

Walking past them he gave them a slight nod, "Thank you."

The demons were all in shock, silently watching the 'human' walk away from them.

"That's it?" Blitzø asked before he could stop himself, quickly slamming his hands to his mouth.

The 'Father' stopped in his tracks, looking over his shoulder, he smiled, "Kill you later." He told them playfully, lowering his glasses and giving them a wink.

He walked away, the eerie sound of his shoes on cold tile floors permanently burned into there memory.

Hey Hey, I hope you enjoyed. I really wanted to try something a bit different. I had the idea for this in my head since episode 6 came out and I just really like the idea of an unknown entity showing up with either motive or intentions clear to anyone.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, I really wanna start writing more of my own original ideas, so expect more content in the future. Bye Bye.

[myangelscrimson]

I found you, hand over them piss and shit hcs for other characters then 😈

You are lucky this isn't anon tho 👿😂

WELL BECAUSE EVERY CONVERSATION I HAVE ALWAYS DEFAULTS TO THE NASTIEST THINGS AND HOPEFULLY NO ONE WILL EVER FIND THIS....I just noticed you said other characters but because we both know Akudama Drive this pans out well, plus I've only ever thought of Azusa shitting before outside of this—

Swindler

Definitely has ibs-c

But that's because she doesn't eat a lot

She's also bathroom shy so she'll hold it in until she doesn't have to go anymore and then stay constipated for the rest of the week because of it

She's definitely eaten something weird though and then realized she had to shit like right after walking into a store

She also can never seem to find the bathroom when this happens and she has to run to a store employee to ask while pretending nothing is wrong

She probably carried a special spray with her too for occasions like this, but when she checks her backpack for it, it's missing.

....pebbles. She shits pebbles most times and then gets super frustrated.

Brawler

Oh he OBLITERATES the toilet. The world SHAKES whenever he goes to the bathroom. The aliens on Mars can hear it.

He shits frequently and probably never stops, but it's because he eats well—

Nothing he eats ever seems to give him an upset stomach either

His shit stinks so bad an animal HAS passed by the bathroom and died after he was done.

His shits are award winning and glorious though.

Shameless shitter. He'll shit louder and taunt the other person in the stall for not being man enough to shit as loud as he can

Hoodlum has thrown up when hungover and nauseous at the smell of Brawlers farts.

He also doesn't spray anything because why should he? It's still gonna smell like shit ...just tropical shit—

Doctor

Masks the scent with a spray.

She's a regular bathroom goer and doesn't seem to have any sort of stomach issues because of course a Doctor knows how to eat healthy.

I think you'd be the safest going into the bathroom after she goes

I also think she'd kill anyone in a public bathroom before she goes to so no one can bear witness to what's about to happen.

Hacker

Seems like a normal bathroom goer and he hates going so he will hold it in

He's kind of....too normal about it in my personal opinion...

But he doesn't like talking about it. Bathroom talk is definitely something he stays out of or away from when it comes to speaking about his own habits

He's definitely witnessed Swindler go on a panicked "I need the bathroom NOW run."

And he laughed the whole time too. Or joked about how it's always an option to shit on the floor....

Hoodlum

He's definitely gotten completely naked to shit before.

Other than that I'd assume he's pretty much normal....I can see him scrolling on his phone and laughing at videos super loudly..

Actually maybe he has IBS-D because I can see him frantically needing to shit in the worse situations but mentally trying to keep his cool

He strikes me as someone who'd be embarrassed about going into public to use the bathroom....but I definitely think he still does when he assumes no one else is in the bathroom....

Of course only for someone to walk in right as he's using it..

He might use a spray too...

I'd like to think Hoodlum's pushed so hard he's passed out.

He congratulates himself when he's finished for a "job well done."

Courier

Constipated. Very, very constipated.

He holds it in most times because he doesn't have time to use the bathroom.

When he does, he usually tries to hold it until he gets home.... although I can see him going somewhere he knows few people shop and doing what he needs to there—

Makes lists on his phones for things he needs to do while on the toilet

He's pretty....normal other than that. Nothing too scary—

Cutthroat

He's the reason you see shit on the ceiling and I'm only half kidding.

He's definitely constipated too, and I think it's because of his diet...

I have a headcanon that he doesn't even wipe. He just shits. Stands up. Pulls up his pants. Then leaves.

Then again that's vulgar....but Cutthroat wiping is just not something I can see happening. Or he does on the off occasion he remembers his mom once told him to do so.

Actually that's a lie, I can see multiple things for Cutthroat because I also imagine he'd smile and hum as he's wiping... then ....well nvm...I'm not gonna say that.

Actually yes I am..he looks at it.

He washes his hands too. But the only reason he even does that is because bubbles are cool and they smell fun

Unless it's liquid soap then he gets disappointed

Definitely sits in front of the hand dryer like it's a fan.... probably shouldn't do that considering it's unsanitary but I don't think he cares

He also doesn't pay attention to what gendered bathroom he's going into. They're all toilets.

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 34

💖 first time reader click here 💖

A little bit of plot, but mostly ironstrange x reader filthy porn. Bukkake stuff. Stephen finally opening up a lil bit, I mean... I've slept through a 1/3 of a hospital and lemme tell you, doctors are kinky bastards. On the same note, there's definitely going to be a chapter where all three men are involved after the plot shit is resolved.

There was something big brewing. I had a hunch... which was more like a strong sense of doom... hanging over me and the rest of the world. Peter also had noticed the sudden spike in anxiety, quoting the sudden disappearance of many low-tier mutants from the streets. Usually, Peter dealt with at least a few enhanced enemies during his patrols but the closer it got to Christmas, the less enhanced bothered with small-time crimes, the more intense the buzzing of his Spidey sense became.

Now that my immediate lack of income wasn't a problem anymore, I set business onto that damn mercenary. I was no spy, I was no SHIELD operative but... I could be very clever.

First things first, I had to make sure I would stay alive no matter what. A subdermal tracker was a good guarantee of security and I spent many hours making one - having to keep it a secret was incredibly hard, I hated lying to my loves and I hated avoiding Wanda even more - I was constantly on the edge around the telepath, hyperfocused on keeping up the pretense of normalcy.

I wouldn't be me if I couldn't successfully pull off a whole ass façade. Unfortunately, the continued failures of the people searching left and right for the mercenary only fueled my strength for the inevitable fuck-fest that I would have to create in order to make sure my people get the peace they fucking deserve. The web of lies grew in size every damn day.

Subdermal tracker, an implant that reports directly to Friday upon activation. It hurt like a bitch - I had cut myself open, an inch wide gash on the inside of my forearm - and put it in without any anesthesia in my own bathroom, not even thinking twice before making up a lie that I had been careless in the lab and hurt myself.

An antidote to common tranquilizers, creating it gave me a headache the size of Moscow but I'd been successful; Tony assembled the whole team when he found it out, offering me a ridiculous amount of money for the formula. It was weird. SHIELD was interested, too, and I had to witness Tony and Coulson argue. Apparently, the agency wanted to recruit me and Tony was adamantly against it, totally forgetting the promise Natasha had given me. In the end, the spy and Coulson shared a quiet conversation and the man left, respectfully complimenting my skills.

I sold the formula to Stark Industries, unable to get rid of the weirdness of the situation. I had to shake hands with my own boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend... In a business setting. What. Just what. Bucky and Stephen couldn't stop laughing at the face I made all throughout that day - and Clint even went as far as to bake me a gag cake, a cartooney handshake drawn in frosting on top of it. I hit him with a spatula, Loki smiled in his direction for the first time in, like, ever. It was a trip and Tony had way too much fun with the incident.

Perhaps, turning myself into a cyborg stew wasn't the best plan that was possible to think up in a few weeks' time but I've never claimed to be exceptionally intelligent; if anything, I've always considered myself to be a moderately educated idiot. It is common knowledge that there are two halves of a whole idiot: my second half was on his way from California, having had received my very detailed e-mail about the whole cursed box fiasco and the consequences that followed. I could barely contain my excitement at the prospect of seeing uncle Eddie and his symbiote again.

Tony wasn't even half as excited; if anything, he bordered on outright hostile, bickering, and sassing everybody left and right. It could have been the situation at hand finally getting on his last nerves. It could have been his jealousy, the same that appeared every time I paid extra attention to someone that wasn't him, Bruce or Stephen. Either way, Bruce was sighing all the time now and Stephen's remarks began to fill with poison once again.

Just like the good old times, I guess. I was forced to pull a Me over and over, interrupting their petty arguments with increasingly absurd remarks. I felt like everybody was laughing at me these days, which ended in only one way it could have...

"Brat," Stephen's patience was paper-thin and, being forcefully distracted from yelling at Tony, he directed his angst at the nearest person - me. "I oughta put you over my knee. I swear to Cosmos..."

"Blah, blah, blah. Don't you ever get tired of listening to yourself talk?" I raised my eyebrows, tone deceptively calm. "You're talking too much for someone who can't even..." I didn't get to finish my sentence, suddenly finding my mouth firmly glued shut. It was magic - the sensation was pulling, but not unpleasant. Reminded me of a ball gag Tony had used on me in the early days of our relationship.

"Now, Dumbledore, hold your horses..." Tony interjected looking none-too-happy. The engineer placed a warning arm on the sorcerer's bicep, their little spat seemingly forgotten.

"What, Tony? She's been nothing but a mouthy urchin the past few days, I can't stand it anymore," They shared a meaningful look; no matter how much Tony wanted to argue, he knew Stephen was right. What he didn't know was that there probably have been a magic versus science altercation... Or worse. Humiliation was a small price to pay for some (relative) peace.

I did what I do best. I annoyed them further, throwing up a juicy middle finger to the two men and turned around with a huff, mind set on finding Loki to undo the mute ban Stephen gave me. Needless to say, I didn't make it very far.

In mere seconds, I was sandwiched between the two men, Stephen's finger delicately holding my chin to force me to look into his eyes. Tony was holding onto my shoulders from behind me - I could feel the tension, my engineer was almost buzzing with it. I was pretty sure my eyes were laughing anyway because Stephen's frown slowly transformed into a coy smirk once his stormy blues focused on my face.

"Brat," He repeated once again. "She's doing this on purpose."

"I can't say I'm surprised," Tony's breath tickled the nape of my neck. "That does sound like our little Princess," Apparently, it took all of a 0.1 second for Tony to switch from annoyed to horny. Men, they were so easy to play. "Baby, if you wanted our attention you could have just said so," He chastised me, hands sliding down to my waist.

I hummed, and then aggressively hummed some more until Stephen removed the magical gag. "Not like you'd notice it, being occupied with tearing each other's hair out," I pouted.

The sorcerer briefly averted his eyes, leaning down to softly kiss my pout. It was very unlikely I'd get an actual apology but a kiss I won't be complaining about either. "So, your best tactic was to annoy us even more? How does that work out for you?"

I pulled on the tied fabric around his waist, bringing him closer to me. "Pretty good, if I'm being honest. You're exactly where I wanted you to be," Carelessly, I began untying the layers of silks and cotton I had become intimately familiar with over the course of the past few weeks. Most of the time Steph wore his wizard garbs and while figuring out how to undo them was a trip at first, I had gotten him desperate enough a few times, for him to show me a few tips and tricks for easier access.

Tony snorted somewhere behind me. "You just want us for our bodies," His hands wormed their way under my shirt, brushing the underside of my breasts. Bra? Hardly know her. "Our beautiful, sexy bodies." Yes Tony, very humble.

"When will you learn, people?" I asked rhetorically, simultaneously leaning into both Tony's and Stephen's touch. "Why fight each other when you could be fucking me into oblivion instead?"

Stephen snorted, still not completely used to the at times crude things that left my (and occasionally Tony's) mouth. I had a hunch the sorcerer was holding back somewhat - for whatever reason - and I was eagerly waiting for him to get comfortable enough to reveal that special part of himself. Whatever it was, I just knew it was delicious and sinful and-

"Do you really think I will be giving you what you want after your little... Stunt?" Steph went balls out; his voice dropped and the intensity of his stare left me breathless. The hand that was stroking my face wrapped around my throat as he had some sort of a silent conversation with Tony.

"Yeah," I emphasized the word with an inaudible 'duh' behind it but obediently trotted along as Stephen backed up towards the couch, leading me by the throat like a pet on a leash. I was steadily going into 'no thoughts, head empty' territory.

"I like it when you get all bossy," Tony remarked casually but he was close enough for me to hear the strain in his voice. Every time we fucked, Tony eagerly gave up the control to Stephen. I definitely saw the appeal. Stephen Strange demanded authority effortlessly, his stern but fair attitude simply demanded to kneel.

That's just what I did. As soon as Stephen made himself comfortable on the Italian leather couch, I dropped to my knees, looking up at the man with big round eyes. Just like Tony and Bruce, Stephen had his own weaknesses when it came to moi and I wasn't ashamed to exploit them. Steph's stroked my hair, carding careful fingers through it, slowly unbuttoning his pants with his other hand.

"If you insist on being mouthy, I have a better task for you," He husked, pulling me closer towards him. I called it his doctor voice. Honestly, I don't have a clue how his surgical team could be around him with their pants on back in the day... The man was a snack on a silver platter.

Steph's erection sprang free. I didn't hesitate to wrap my hand around it, stroking the underside of his glans just like he liked it, looking to the side where Tony landed on the couch next to Stephen, a curious look on his face. Yeah, Tony liked to watch. Me and Stephen or me and Bruce... Me and Stephen and Bruce? That's an idea for later.

"Don't mind little old me," Tony smirked his trademark Stark mischief, getting comfortable, ditching his oil-stained shirt and unbuttoning his pants to lazily palm himself through his boxers. "Carry on," The smirk only grew when Tony noticed both me and Steph eyeing him with amusement.

I hid my grin, nodding my head, before wrapping my lips around the tip of Stephen's cock, relaxing my throat to prepare for the intrusion. Sweet and salty, the slit on his cockhead was mercilessly teased by the tip of my tongue.

Stephen murmured encouragements under his breath as I began to bob up and down, him controlling the pace with a hand in my hair, just the right balance between cruel and gentle. The sorcerer was always too good to me, bringing me to the point of overstimulation and instantly soothing the ache afterward; "Fuck, darling, your mouth feels like heaven," He groaned as I snuck a look upwards to see his lips parted and a steady flush crawling up his neck.

"She knows how to work a man, doesn't she?" Tony's lust had him panting, hips moving into his own hand. He leaned closer to Stephen, brushing my hair behind my ear with a tender hand. "Merlin needs to share," Tony began pulling me in his direction. I reluctantly let go of Stephen's cock, keeping up the pace with my hand as I scooted closer to Tony to be able to mouth at his stiff erection.

Watching me suck cock always got Tony hard enough to pound nails with. I couldn't blame him, I knew what I could do and did well; by the time I made my way down his thick flesh, drool was dripping down my chin and the make-up around my eyes was surely smeared by tears. My engineer was much less gentle than Steph, pounding my face without reservations.

"I know you can take it, baby girl, fuck," My face was held in his strong grip, thumbs digging into my jaw. "Such a good girl," The two words went straight down to my pussy and I had to squirm and clench my thighs together, whining at the lack of friction.

The air was pierced by a low moan - Stephen was fisting his erection almost desperately now, almost as desperately as I was humping the air, whining like a bitch in heat at the taste of Tony's cock in my mouth. I knew neither of the men would last long, not with all that pent up tension running through their minds and bodies.

"Fuck, come here, baby girl," The engineer yanked me off his cock, gripping the base of it so forcefully his knuckles turned white. I was all but dragged into the space between them; still kneeling, barely seeing with snot and tears smeared all over my face, I couldn't hold in the broken moan as the realization set in.

"Keep your eyes open!" Steph instructed furiously, scooting to tower over me. Tony followed in his steps as I obediently lifted my eyes to their cocks and then their faces; nearly identical furrowed brow expressions stared back at me, lips moist and eyes wide. Both men stroked themselves with renewed vigor.

I hummed softly before sticking out my tongue; their reaction didn't let me wait long. Strings of pearly white cum landed in my hair, on my face; I felt the warmth on my skin and tasted their salt and musk on the tip of my tongue, reflexively swallowing each and every drop that landed in my mouth, savoring it just like I savored the sinful groans that left their mouths.

"Fuck, you're so good to us," Tony panted, gracelessly falling backward onto the couch.

Stephen, however, didn't hurry to catch his breath, giving me a thoughtful look. His fingers shook more than ever but he paid no mind to the discomfort, gathering the cum dripping down my face with two fingers and offering it to me, holding them up to my lips as I gently cleaned them off. And he did it again, and again, until Tony gave a weak moan of recognition, throwing an arm under his head.

"Be polite, Princess," Stephen's voice hadn't lost the lust in it just yet.

"Thank you, sir," I mumbled, utterly captivated by the way he was looking at me. Stormy blues radiated a strong sense of intensity, devotion perhaps, that I wasn't ready for.

Stephen smiled at me, almost coyly, before kneeling right next to me and bringing me over the edge with a few sharp, clever movements of his hand. I held onto his shoulders for dear life, barely noticing Tony's reaction - if there was one - my other lover seemed to be as surprised as I was, choosing to hang back and observe the unusual situation.

I had a feeling that whatever it was, it would make another appearance during our playtime. It wasn't just sex, it wasn't making love - it was... Something. I loved every second of it.

@another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95 @gladiosamicitias @toomanyrobins @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming

[killerandhealerqueen]

Uh..if you don't mind, can I have headcanons of Jiang Yuelou confessing his love to Chen Yuzhi? (You know, like he man up and confess)

Ahahaha, Jiang Yuelou finally gets his shit together and confesses his feelings?!  Anon, I fucking love it

It takes Jiang Yuelou for-fucking-ever to finally work up the courage to finally confess his feelings for Chen Yuzhi.  He had liked the doctor for a long time but he a) never found the right time to tell him and b) anytime he tried to tell him, he was interrupted

It actually takes a slap to the back of the head from Jin Dacheng for him to finally get his shit together.  Why a slap to the back of the head you say?  Well, Chen Yuzhi had come to visit Jiang Yuelou to help him answer a few questions about the case and Jin Dacheng was watching as the two interacted and saw the way Jiang Yuelou looked at Chen Yuzhi as he was walking away

So yeah, that warranted a smack to the back of his head, which almost got a gun pointed in his face, but he just gave Jiang Yuelou a look and placed his hands on his hips

"You like him.  Why haven't you told him?"

Jiang Yuelou looks at him in shock before he sighs

"I don't know...I've tried but every time I try, it's either not the right time or we're interrupted"

"Well, you should tell him because if you don't, you're just leading him on and that's not very nice, Jiang Yuelou"

"Why should I take relationship advice from you?"

"Which one of us is married, dumbass?  Now go confess to your doctor because anyone with eyes can see you two have feelings for each other and if I have to keep witnessing your fucking heart eyes every time Dr. Chen visits, I'm going to gouge out my eyes with a pen.  Now GO"

Jiang Yuelou huffs but realizes that Jin Dacheng has a point so he rushes out of the police station while Jin Dacheng heads back to his office to count the number of gray hairs he’s gotten in the last five minutes of talking to Jiang Yuelou

Jiang Yuelou then runs to Chen Yuzhi’s clinic and steps inside, only to find Chen Yuzhi busy with patients.  He lets out a soft growl but doesn’t leave this time and instead clears his throat, making Chen Yuzhi look up at him and smile

“I’m a little busy at the moment, Yuelou...do you need something?”

Jiang Yuelou wants to tell him, but he doesn’t want to tell him in front of everybody, so he just motions to one of the chairs

“I’ll wait till you’re finished”

Chen Yuzhi nods and goes back to giving his patients his check ups, Jiang Yuelou watching

He had never actually ever seen Chen Yuzhi conduct his appointments, usually he’s the one who’s getting checked up so to see how Chen Yuzhi works on others (especially when they’re not for cases) was quite impressive

When the last patient finally left, Jiang Yuelou stood up and walked over to Chen Yuzhi, who was cleaning up his desk

“Yuzhi--”

“Can we talk upstairs?  I still have to clean up there”

Jiang Yuelou huffed but followed Chen Yuzhi upstairs and as soon as they’re upstairs and out of the public eye, Jiang Yuelou grabs Chen Yuzhi by the arm and spins him around, causing Chen Yuzhi to look at him with his big, beautiful, brown bambi eyes

Jiang Yuelou couldn’t hold it anymore and just...crashes their lips together

Chen Yuzhi is stunned when Jiang Yuelou pulls away and he’s blinking a couple of times to try and figure out what the fuck just happened

“I love you, Chen Yuzhi”

Chen Yuzhi is now completely floored.  Jiang Yuelou likes, no, loves him?!  What?!

Jiang Yuelou laughs softly at Chen Yuzhi’s expression and nods

“I thought it was pretty obvious.  Jin Dacheng said it was, anyways”

Chen Yuzhi shakes his head because he loves Jiang Yuelou too but he wasn’t going to say anything about it, you know, just in case it ruined their friendship

Jiang Yuelou shakes his head and assures him that it wouldn’t have ruined his friendship, it definitely would have helped him get his head out of his ass a lot faster

He then apologizes for making Chen Yuzhi wait and Chen Yuzhi just smiles, ever fond, and shakes his head

“I would wait for you forever”

[burningtacozombie]

I've also been wondering how far Miguel would go for Emily if she insists in the divorce, resist him and fight for Cristóbal custody 🤔 She is not involved in the cartel, and I think it would be too dumb and dangerous of her to use this against him, but I think Miguel could totally use the Agra Park to screw her over in court, and also the kidnaping in s1 (remember in SOA when Wendy was trying to get Abel's custody and tried to use this against Jax? Miguel could do that to Emily in bigger scale)

Anonymous asked:

Besides another dirty tricks he could use against her like saying she is not a decent mother and does not know how to take care of her son since she used to leave Cristóbal with nannys, we also see Emily drinking a lot and taking pills so he can imply she is an addicted 👶🏼 Being honest with u, Emily would be at a great disadvantage since there's not much she could use against him (the cartel would be too dangerous, and she would have to proof he tried to kill her, which would be hard)

first of all: I've never seen SoA (don't hate me) and these names don't mean anything to me so I'm sorry but no, I don't remember this storyline because I've never seen it 😂 the only reason I started watching Mayans in the first place is because of Danny Pino.

second, I cannot imagine a world where Miguel and Emily would go to court for divorce or a custody battle like regular people would. they're not regular people. there are a few scenarios I could see but an admittedly very very ugly, yet "regular" court case is not one of them.

one of them dying is a scenario I can imagine, witness protection for Emily and Cristobal (if she somehow ends up in Potter's good graces for giving him information on Miguel and the cartel or what's left of it), maybe she just up and disappers and leaves the country with her son, Miguel straight up kidnapping him if and when he finds him, Miguel taking them both and locking Emily up for God knows how long. but I genuinely doubt they'd go to court publicly and get the authorities back on their asses. if they wouldn't already know, that is.

I'm putting this under a cut because holy shit, this got long but for the heck of it let's do a 'what if they did go to court':

I never saw Emily as an addict. sure, she drinks alcohol but so does Miguel. they all do. that doesn't make her an addict (yet). the pills, they're not pills you get high from. they're antidepressants or anti-anxiety meds or sleeping pills or something like that. with that, Miguel could paint her as an unstable crazy person, an unfit mother yes but not as an addict.

the agra park project tanked. badly. actually, it never even so much as started because of the border closing and the missing materials to even build it so there isn't much to gain for either of them. the project isn't worth the paper it was designed on, not anymore. maybe this would be in any way relevant in a court custody battle but I'm no expert so I wouldn't know how. they were both involved in the project.

as for proof that he tried to kill her, I'm sure Erin would testify on that and the neck and lip bruises she saw, how Miguel was yelling at Emily while she held Cristobal and Erin had to intervene etc. maybe they would even get Emily's doctor to testify that he's the reason she needed those pills in the first place and how she needed a refill sooner than usual because of the missing pills that went into that wine glass. then Miguel would get Maria to testify on how bad of a mother Emily is, that she never took care of her child, etc. it would be a he says, she says.

using the cartel in a custody battle would simply be a dumb thing to do, this would get them both arrested and Cristobal goes into foster care. Emily maybe wasn't directly involved in day to day business but she knew about all of it and didn't snitch on her husband then. the opposite actually, she supported him in all of it. she's quite literally his partner in crime and breathing a word of it to the courts, she would shoot herself in her own foot.

[mimzy-writing-online]

Hey!! I was wondering if you had any advice for a character concept I've been playing with? :) long story short, my character wasn't born blind, but throughout the story she progressively becomes blind from cataracts- cortical vision impairment to be exact. Is this inherently a bad concept? I really don't want to misrepresent this, and the last thing I want is to make people mad about it. Is there a way I should go about this? Thanks!!

Later message from same Anon: Hey! Just following up on my ask of writing a blind character in the Victorian era- sorry if I missed it

Note: in a message between the first and third, anon added that this story takes place in the Victorian era.

You certainly did not miss it, I’ve just been lazy (struggling) with blog maintenance and have been procrastinating answering several asks.  Historical fiction is out of my area of expertise, so this required more research than general advice.

Also, my first and second attempts at an answer were eaten away by computer/tumblr difficulties, so I had to rewrite a lot.

I think it is a fantastic idea to have your character go blind slowly over time. It is also ambitious, so it is something you need to be careful with, but it’s totally doable.

So the era throws me a little because I’ve never had much practice with historical fiction and history wasn’t a fave subject of mine. Most of my research into blind history has been after World War I, because the sudden surge of blinded veterans changed the course of history for the blind community. This and technology overall led to those huge changes.

So I did a little reading up on the recent evolutions of blindness and the world’s general understanding of it in the 1800s.

Conclusion: society was shit with disability, but I already knew that. There were some remarkable inventions and innovations for blindness in this century, which I will get to later.

 So this post will be: 1. The more personal aspects of going blind over time (instead of all at once) such as acceptance vs denial, life changes, and internalized ableism. 2. Speculating on society’s perception of the blind. 3. Innovations for the blind in that era and what comes after.

 So, part one. The Emotional…

As someone who has slowly lost vision over the course of years and has no idea how far this will progress, I can tell you that it’s an agonizing process of realization, denial, understanding, acceptance, adaption.

Realizing you’re going blind comes in small pieces that eventually add up to become a puzzle. And for this reason, adaption follows a similar pattern.

You identify a problem, feel conflicted about this change, wonder if you should ignore or investigate, and regardless of which path you take, you find a new way to adapt.

I’m going to use an example of my process through this, so you can see the actual thought patterns and how they circle between “this isn’t a problem” – “wait this is a problem” – “no I’m fine!” – “this is a problem.” – “I’m fine, what am I complaining for” – “I made this change and now my life is 100x easier??? Who knew? Why didn’t I do this sooner?”

Example from my life: Light is bright. That hurts but I’m fine. I get sunglasses. The pain with bright light is getting worse. Okay, that’s concerning, maybe I should talk to a doctor. Doctor says I’m fine but now I’m thinking I’m not okay. Why are my eyes doing this? Why do I hurt? Oh, and now bright lights at night are becoming a problem, and I get more headaches associated with light. I could wear sunglasses at night and indoors, but society has given me a negative and judgemental opinion of that, so I don’t want to do it. Best friend pushes me to give up on that negative view for the sake of my health. Finally I listen and life feels much better, but I’m still a little uncomfortable with this change. I feel very blind with my sunglasses, but that’s the only way to not feel pain. And now I feel blind when I’m not wearing any light protection, but I’m in pain this way. What’s wrong with me?

And this is just my internal argument with sunglasses and light sensitivity, from age 17-22. On the other side is my struggle with “do I need a cane” from age 21-22, which goes like this-

It’s August and I’m walking through a semi-familiar but gigantic and ridiculously crowded park with a group of friends. It’s bright out and I need to wear my sunglasses. And now I’m realizing there is a dilemma. I can’t see. My sunglasses are too dark to see. But going without is painful and just as bad vision wise. BUT I CAN’T SEE! I’m scared, I’m going to run into someone or something, I’ll get lost or separated from my friends and not be able to find them. I can’t see curbs or pillars or people and the only thing keeping me safe is holding onto K, who knows my current vision situation when no one else does

And I think to myself- this day would be so much easier if I had a cane.

But I haven’t needed one before, and I don’t ‘normally’ need one. Just every time I go outside on a sunny day. I don’t need it all the time, so I can’t have one, I’m fine.

But these things keep happening, where I’m outside and terrified but I think I’m still “sighted” and my only problem is some light sensitivity and not-super-great sunglasses. My glasses let me see 20/20 (or they did, which they did not a year later) so I definitely don’t need a cane at all.

Young past self, you were so wrong. You needed that.

Eventually I had a breaking point when one year later I’m seeing 20/50 with best correction (so, by legal definitions I’m not even visually impaired yet) but I’m terrified of leaving my house and can’t travel alone and am a literal danger to myself because I can’t see and can’t tell people I can’t see because of social anxiety and internalized ableism-

And the breaking point was that I finally got seriously hurt because I was in a situation where I couldn’t see and wasn’t brave enough to ask my current company to be a sighted guide. That’s the day I ordered a cane, and when it came two weeks ago, I finally remembered what it’s like to not be so terrified for my life every time I left my home.

Your character will over time find problems with her daily life that she didn’t have before, and she’ll deal with each one individually, but with all of them will usually be a repeating thought pattern that is unique to her. It depends on her internalized ableism and society’s ableism (and that era is full of it) and accommodations available to them at the time (also not great).

She’ll solve each problem at a different point that may coincide with other problems and yet still seem like entirely separate problems to them. Like how I wouldn’t relate my need for sunglasses and my need for a cane at the same time because they felt like separate battles to me with their own timelines and similar but still different thought processes.

You will have to decide on a case by case basis what accommodations or accessibility she can have at that time.

 Society’s view on blindness:

It’s shit.

It’s not great now, in the world of information available at your fingertips. It’s desperately worse in history.

 (TW: abuse of disabled people mentioned -thoroughly- in the next two paragraphs)

Everyone with a disability was treated like shit. Sensory disabilities (Deaf or Blind or Deafblind people) and mental illness were treated the worst. There is historical religious persecution against them, saying that they were made ill by the devil or a vengeful God. Which lead to abuse. They were seen as helpless or unproductive, defective, and so were treated as burdens upon their family and society. Because of this, abuse from parents and family members was horribly common for disabled people. Disabled people were often left in asylums by their family members because they were seen as a burden, where there was usually still more abuse to come.

There are still children with disabilities who are abused by their parents, families, care givers, or any facility they’ve been placed in. The cases of abuse are less, but by no means over.

 Ableism in general is just rampant and it’s only cured through the distribution of information. Most people (today) have never met a blind person in real life, had a conversation with one. Through the internet they can find information, but in pre-internet and media eras I can’t imagine how much ignorance runs about.

Most people think blindness is something that only happens with old age, birth defects, or tragic accidents. Or that blindness is obvious in a person. Not the case, as we both know, but certainly a cause for many misunderstandings.

 This section is where the development of technology and understanding of blind people begins, but there’s still some ugly history involving abuse of the disabled to come.

Technology and History

 (TW: abuse towards historical disabled people in next paragraph)

In 1785 the Institut National des Jeunes Aveugles, the world’s very first school for the blind was established in Paris, France. It was opened internationally to children who society had previously deemed unteachable. Valentin Haüy witnessed acts of bullying and cruelty done to blind hospice patients and it inspired him to attempt teaching a blind beggar. He taught the boy to read through raised letters (because Braille was not yet invented). The school he founded could better be described as a trade school, because its primary purpose was to teach work skills like letter press and weaving (going back to Valentin’s childhood, whose family worked as weavers)

Due to criminal activity (he was labeled as a terrorist related to the French Revolution and was a member of the Panthéon Club) he was forced to leave the school in 1802. He later moved to Russia (1806) and began a new school upon the request of Alexander I of Russia.

(TW: child abuse mention in next paragraph)

After his leave, the school had a change in leadership and location, and subsequently quality. Sébastien Guillié became the new director and was later forced to leave because of the inhumane conditions of the facility and welfare of the children. Those children lived in a French Revolution prison that was refurbished as an asylum/school for their education. It was cold and dirty. They were kept in the dark, only allowed to bathe once a month, and poorly fed. This went on until 1821 when he was forced to leave.

Louis Braille (the inventor of Braille) was a student of the school until Guillié’s reign of terror.

The school was later moved to Boulevard des Invalides, and it remains there today. Information with this school is hard for me to access. It doesn’t have the prettiest history, so I can only speculate how much was left out of the books to save the school, and what information I could access is in French.

However, back to Braille.

Braille was invented by Frenchman Louis Braille in 1824. Before his invention, he was taught to read through raised lettering, and he concluded that raised lettering was impractical because-

1.       It is difficult to read, the letters had to be printed in huge font to be fully felt out and printed on thick paper.

2.       Thick paper means higher quality, more expensive. Larger font means more paper is needed for a single text.

3.       This made it inaccessible due to expense and the sheer volume of a text.

4.       If today’s Braille books are hard to access and giant compared to traditional books, I can’t imagine how inaccessible those raised letter books really were

 Five years later The Perkins School for the Blind was founded in America, making education accessible to blind and deafblind children, and this time it focused on reading and mathematics, more education than trade school.

Though it would not have been possible for your character to attend the school herself, it could be possible that she became acquainted with a teacher or former student of either school, who might have passed on some O&M skills to her or some not so pleasant tales.

Side note: the Perkins Brailler (a typewriter machine for Braille) was developed by a wood working teacher at the Perkins School for the Blind – in 1951, so not applicable to your character’s time period, but I didn’t know this, so I must info-dump

 This is before the eugenics movement of 20th century America, when the belief that people with “poor breeding” should be prevented from breeding. The eugenics movement targeted not only the disabled, but lower class and people of color.

  The white cane as an accessibility tool was not “discovered” until the 1930’s by Philip Strong, who painted his walking stick white to make himself more visible. This piece of history is a little flimsy in my opinion. Techniques are discovered and lost and rediscovered all the time. You can’t prove he was the first person to “wave a stick” in front of him to find obstacles.

But he is credited for making the white cane something that could be a standard identifier to tell people (moving obstacles) “hey, I’m blind, don’t hit me with your loud vehicle” and made a movement of other people getting white canes to identify themselves.

I very much thank him for it, seeing as I’m so sighted-passing sometimes. If white canes weren’t standard everyone-must-know-what-this-means sort of thing, I think people would just watch me “wave a stick” around and think I’d lost my mind.

(TW: suicide of disabled character mention in next paragraph)

So when you see something like in Downton Abby (season 2) when Thomas and Sybil are trying to teach a blinded soldier how to use a cane to navigate… it could be possible, something that actually occurred to some people then. Although, now that I think about it, that character killed himself by the end of the episode and that still upsets me.

Downton Abby got the period-typical ableism right, I will give them that. Both the internalized ableism as well as how strangers treat you, they got that right. What they did to their disabled characters still bothers me (i.e. death and cure subplots)

(TW has been lifted, you made it past.)

But with World War 1, there was a huge number of blinded veterans entering the world and that did make way for big changes in the world of blindness-

Within a few decades guide dogs were being trained, white canes were becoming a thing, Schools for the Blind were thinking, “hey, maybe we should teach adults these skills too!” and life continued on until it eventually reached out modern world. Which, not applicable to your era, but I think it’s important to know what wasn’t available or common knowledge for your character.

If anyone has other information about historical fiction, the Victorian era, and historical ableism and disability, please feel free to reblog with your input and I’ll reblog it.

As always, this post can be found on my blog through the tags: reference, blind character, historical fiction

[littlestarentity]

This has a rape, abortion, miscarriage, and pedophile warning

Okay, so if you live in the states, then you already know whats going down. The abortion banning. Now, onto why this has those four specific warnings. Arkansas has decided it would be a brilliant idea to let a rapist sue a victim for getting an abortion, while, presumably, he gets to go free, without a charge. In a few other states woman get the death penalty for a miscarriage. As someone who has had a miscarriage, this pisses me off so much. Even birth control is being banned. This is the dumbest shit I've ever seen in my almost 19 years of living. Not a lot of people I know are fighting for women's rights and that pisses me off. So I'm going to say now, if you are against abortions, that can save a woman's life, or a rape victim for losing her family, stop following me and block me. As I said on Facebook, actually, let me just go get that. I was and still am livid about it. Here's the post.

If you think making abortions illegal is okay, get the fuck out of my friends list. If you think a woman should still have a child after getting raped, get the fuck off my friends list. If you think it is okay for a woman who will die before she can give birth, not to get an abortion, get the fuck out. If you think it is okay for a child to not get an abortion and not kicked out of her family, is not okay, get the fuck out. Women are not your fucking incubators. If you think you get to have a say in someone else's life, get the fuck out. If you tell a woman what she can and cannot do, get the fuck out. If you think giving women the death penalty is okay for have a miscarriage, get the fuck out. If you think the father gets to have a say, get the fuck out. The only way a father gets a say in it is if he doesn't leave the woman he got pregnant. If men want to have sex all the time, get a vasectomy. They're reversible. If you have an issue with that, get the fuck out. Woman cannot get a hysectomy unless she is in her thirties and has a minimum of three children. All because of a doctor saying "what if you want children some day?" "What will your SO think about it?" If you think a cishet male should have control over a woman's body, get the fuck out. If you have an issue with this post, get the fuck out. I don't want to deal with your shit. I don't want to deal with people who tell others how to live their lives. You types of people, are the bottom feeders. It doesn't matter how much you get paid or how rich you are. You are a bottom feeder. Another person's life does not affect yours unless they are trying to harm you or others. Not a fucking thing in their uterus. Seriously. Get out.

I'm sorry, but I'm not really sorry. Shit I even lost two people I thought were my friends, and as my mother told me, I am pro-choice. It's more like I'm pro-stay the fuck out of others business. I will even show you the embryo they are banning at for an abortion.

Six weeks. This, I'm sorry to say it, isn't a person. It is an embryo. They look like itty bitty shrimp to me. If you're going to be pro-life, you need to be caring for the homeless children and children in foster homes too. You need to care about the mother's life. I am so done with people telling women how to live their life. I'm done with people telling men how to live their life. And to be honest, this shit that's going on is why I haven't been as active. I am literally at my wits end with all of this bullshit going on. My fiance and I are in the same boat, he is a person of color and I know the government because it's so fucking racist won't listen to those of you who are a person of color and frankly, that pisses me the fuck off too. There is literally no difference from anyone. We are all made up of the same genetic material, and as someone who is a pretty hardcore atheist, I'll say, that if there is a God, why is he or she letting this happen? This is so wrong for anything. I mean, those of you who have spoken to me, I'm usually pretty light hearted, but, this is the last straw. I'm so fucking pissed that my favorite junk food won't make me less upset. I'll just look at it and continue being angry about what the states have come too. Like, seriously, how much worse is this going to get? Are all the legal people of color going to get removed from the states? Are we all going to be in one large genocide? I wish Obama were still president now. He should have never have been succeeded by fucking Trump. I am so sorry that I have ranted for this long, but I am pissed.

Edit: LIFE DOESN'T BEGIN WHEN YOUR HEART DOES IT BEGINS WITH BRAIN ACTIVITY. AND IT DOESN'T END WHEN YOUR HEART STOPS. IT ENDS WHEN THERE'S NO MORE BRAIN ACTIVITY

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Jesse

Jac: [Okay, so it's year 2, so she would be just 18 and Jesse would be just 17, it's their last year of school and exams are looming etc etc, all the behaviour has become business as usual so everyone would've just stopped freaking out as hard because you'd wear yourself out otherwise it isn't sustainable, I'm vibing that this is around Christmas time, just because I'm cruel and then we can use the worried Xmas picture LMAO] Jesse: [I like that because then it's not that far into school year 2 aka close to uni looming but it has been ages since her and Amelia started their whole fwb bs so a mood] Jac: [I think it makes sense because it's like, a year since everything started really so it's as raw in a weird way 'cos it's like a shit anniversary lol] Jesse: [agreed, soz boy that I haven't fleshed you out enough to know what's been going in your life for this year besides fame] Jac: [you can be vague, at least, because this convo will not be about you, fill in the blanks later, not all of us are wilding all the time] Jesse: [and not all of us are oversharers like Savannah lol he'd be keeping shit to himself even if it was all kicking off] Jac: [true tea, anyway, I will start this] Jac: Hey, where are you? Jesse: [somewhere he likes to go to write and generally have privacy] Jac: Oh, okay Jac: never mind, it's cool Jesse: ? Jac: I just was gonna ask Jac: well, I don't know what I was gonna ask actually so yeah, ignore this Jesse: What's wrong? Jac: I looked and I couldn't find it Jac: but it was kind of a hole so maybe I just missed it Jac: but I was sick loads and loads I had to get off the bus so I know that's gone Jesse: hang on, what? Jac: You know Jac: I'm not a total mess Jac: I always make sure, after Jac: even if I'm super gone, I've never forgot Jesse: alright Jesse: stop talking in riddles for a sec, I dunno what you're going on about Jac: I went to this party, a week ago Jac: no Jac: more like two, fuck, three? Jac: I don't know, but anyway Jac: I remember looking for a condom in the bin on the floor in the sheets whatever Jac: and I remember because I didn't find one so it got through the haze Jac: and then when I was coming home I was sick and I'd literally just dry-swallowed my pill 'cos I keep them in my bag or my bra or whatever I've got on me Jesse: Fuck Jesse: alright, we can sort this Jac: Where do I go? is it the GP or do I have to go to one of those clinics? Jesse: I'm having a look Jesse: where are you now? Jac: I don't want to go to the doctors Jac: can they tell mum and dad Jac: it's meant to be patient confidentiality but literally everyone found out when Millie H got crabs Jesse: you don't have to do nowt you don't want Jesse: I'll figure something out Jac: I don't have no one else to ask Jac: sorry Jesse: shut up Jesse: you don't need to ask anyone else, I'll sort it Jac: I don't know why I didn't get the morning after Jac: well I do but it's so fucking stupid to say it now Jesse: you never said where you were Jac: just got out of work Jesse: I'll be there as soon as Jesse: get a ☕ Jac: I feel like all of my insides are gonna come out Jac: this is bad Jac: what the fuck am I gonna do, Jess Jesse: don't start, you'll do your own head in before owt's even happened Jac: how the fuck does this even happen Jac: it's ridiculous Jesse: [sends her whatever he's been working on like distract yourself with telling me how crap this is etc] Jac: What are you doing Jesse: what kind of question is that? Jesse: just sent you it Jac: why Jac: I don't have the time or desire to listen to that right now Jesse: are you waiting for me or what? Jac: I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know if you got the general vibe of my messages Jesse: sit down for a bit Jac: fine Jesse: It'll be alright Jesse: I know where we're going Jac: that's the first step in this marathon shitshow, I suppose Jesse: 👍 Jac: your downplay isn't really helping, just so you know Jesse: we can't both lose it, dickhead Jac: if there's a time for it, it's now Jesse: might be in a bit, not now Jac: so you're waiting for your moment, okay Jesse: that alright with you? Jac: not really Jac: but whatever, it's the least of my problems now Jesse: you're 18, they can't say nowt to ma and da that's one less Jac: oh, true Jac: thank god I waited 'til after September to ruin my life then Jac: as long as the receptionists don't catch wind Jesse: they won't give it me, as a lad case I were forcing it down some lass's throat against her will Jac: what do you mean Jesse: if I could just leg it in there for you I would Jac: obviously you can't Jac: we don't know if it's even happened Jac: or what I'm gonna do if it has Jesse: yeah Jac: you're thinking of morning after Jac: but they don't give that to blokes now either Jesse: about as much I know about this, that Jac: have much experience then Jesse: not really Jac: you'd know if you had Jac: probably wait 'til you've earnt more money to rinse you of it Jesse: sounds about right Jac: not worth the negatives at this stage Jesse: tah Jac: not me doing you a favour by not getting pregnant Jesse: obviously Jac: 🙄 Jesse: 🙄 Jac: shut up Jac: you're so annoying Jesse: 🤐 Jac: ugh Jac: you say nothing yet you still say the wrong thing Jac: it'd be a skill if it wasn't clearly the opposite Jesse: what's the right thing? Jac: If I knew that there'd be no need for you or the conversation Jesse: come on Jac: what? Jesse: you reckon I'm getting it wrong, you must have some clue what ain't Jac: I don't Jac: you're just Jac: I don't know Jesse: say it Jesse: might make you feel less shit Jac: ha Jac: wouldn't that be nice Jac: miraculous, even Jesse: 🎄🎅 Jac: I wasn't looking to be the next Mary, tah Jesse: that were Jude's role in the nativity, not yours Jac: her years seriously lacking in talent Jesse: Dunno how top we can say ours is for having me stick a tea towel on my head Jac: it's not a musical Jac: the shit film was made Jesse: could've been if they'd let me have any lines instead of that 🐑 to chuck about Jac: as damning as this glimpse into your psyche is Jac: you really think you chatting about 4 year olds singing silent night is the thing I need right now Jesse: alright, kids ain't the ideal subject Jesse: I get it Jac: no shit Jac: you all do my head in with this shit Jac: honestly, peaking at vaguely racial costuming is the saddest thing I've ever heard Jac: and my life is currently in the toilet Jesse: piss off have I peaked at owt Jesse: ain't even properly packed for my gig yet, like Jac: it's you who's bitter at being snubbed for joseph Jac: no need to read between the lines, dickhead Jesse: never said that Jesse: he was well fit and had 🥇 line delivery Jac: don't be disgusting Jac: I don't know why you even remember these things, any of you Jesse: leave it out Jac: you Jesse: it's bollocks that you're saying you don't Jac: I don't Jac: and I don't care either Jac: and if I have to spend one more minute around you chuntering on about this shit that doesn't matter and never did Jac: I'm actually going to scream Jesse: go for it Jesse: I'm here now, you can properly aim it at me Jac: [just staring him down to make a point of looking at him like #unphased 'you got an appointment?'] Jesse: [we just nodding like yep let's go but not moving because we're rushing no bitch especially not for something like this] Jac: [obviously walking in whatever direction we need to] Jesse: [love a silence that should be awkward but is actually comfortable] Jac: [for you anyway but us losing our mind be happening regardless so yeah] Jesse: [we know he is too but shh because now is not the time for you to be scared sir] Jac: [get this appointment done so you can go away and think about what you're doing] Jesse: [hit her with the feelsy JJ lean while you're waiting so she knows you care though thank you] Jac: [just getting out of there like 'I wanna go to work but I've only just left and they're shut' no place to go casually] Jesse: [he should take her somewhere feelsy even if it is because it's not, if that makes sense, like for it's normality] Jesse: [I'd suggest his work but that's unlikely to be shut unless they had that appointment at a really weird hour lol] Jesse: [somewhere she'd actually appreciate being rn is the point anyway] Jac: [we'll just go anywhere rn 'cos truly nowhere else to go] Jesse: [even if he's just driving/walking you around aimlessly, we're giving you time to think gal] Jac: [we're just scrolling furiously through our phone right now to the socials/texts from said night] Jesse: [meanwhile he's ignoring his because we blatantly have shit that we're supposed to be doing that we're obviously not] Jac: [thrusting the phone in his face casually with a picture of this dude like it means anything 'do I call him now?'] Jesse: [a look like do you want to because we don't know this dude and even if we did it's up to her if she wants to have that convo with him or not] Jac: [when you do that pause like well, elaborate please] Jesse: ['it don't need to be now' cos it really doesn't like you literally just found out and are probably in shock] Jac: [nods like okay 'so what am I doing now?' we literally just wanna be told what to do] Jesse: [we're taking her to get sugary tea and some food even if she doesn't eat or drink it, leading her there like she is a bub] Jac: [probably automatically eating and drinking without complaint we are that out of it] Jesse: [it's okay he's got enough wits about him to go somewhere where they won't run into millions of people they know because not rn thank you] Jac: [just a ball of energy because we need to do something but what can you right now] Jesse: [such a bobbing lil leg under that table, both of y'all] Jac: ['this is not-' shakes head] Jesse: [just looking at her like what because not the time either to put words in her mouth] Jac: ['this was not in my plan'] Jesse: ['do you wanna stick to the one you had or have a different crack at it?'] Jac: ['if it were that easy-' face like it'd be done and we wouldn't be sat here] Jesse: [nods and drinks that tea] Jac: ['this changes it regardless' letting that sit there and sink in] Jesse: [let it hit him how big of a deal this actually is because up until now we haven't let ourselves think about it/have been focused on the minute by minute actions of all this] Jac: ['no matter what I do'] Jesse: ['I'll be about no matter what' like love you babe always gonna be here for you 'dead comforting that, yeah?'] Jac: [scoffs 'yeah, condemning everyone to the same life sentence of an unwanted child about or the gnawing guilt of murdering it is exactly what I wanted'] Jesse: ['murder's a bit strong'] Jac: [shrugs 'not really'] Jesse: [shrugs back like if that's what you reckon] Jac: ['I know what you reckon I should do, alright'] Jesse: [a look like yeah obviously because I think you should do what's right for you] Jac: ['well it isn't that fucking simple, Jesse, so just' the hand mime that's like closing your fingers like sh] Jesse: [mimes the 🤐] Jac: ['you might not say much but you're loud with it, I know you, remember'] Jesse: [a look back like and I know you too] Jac: ['he already has some'] Jesse: [😒 because how old is this man tbh and who is he we don't stan] Jac: ['not like I knew at the time, but I've checked him out since, obviously'] Jesse: [gestures like gimme your phone so I can look] Jac: [does, he can easily be in his 20s and my vibe is a kid when he was like 17/18 and then one a few years later] Jesse: [just stalking this dude and drinking our tea, looks fun and casual but isn't] Jac: ['he has a right to know, right?' like genuinely ?] Jesse: ['Probably, but I ain't gonna force you to tell him if you don't want to'] Jac: ['you aren't going to force me to do anything, or anyone else; but morally...' shrugs 'it'd be better not to know, in loads of ways'] Jesse: ['Did he say owt to you after?' because there is that condom uncertainty so like did he wanna follow up is our question or was he not bothered] Jac: ['no, I don't know him' like duh 'I had to ask Darla his name'] Jesse: [a look like there you go then, don't worry too much about him rn because clearly he ain't worried about if he got your pregnant or not] Jac: [🙄 'obviously it's not a concern until it happens, that's kind of the point'] Jesse: [🙄 back because it is a concern before it happens for loads of people but whatever] Jac: ['is this helpful? he didn't wear a condom, that doesn't mean he doesn't wanna be or deserve to be contacted, by that rhetoric the only people who would would be the ones you didn't need to'] Jesse: ['never said it did, and I never said don't bother contacting him'] Jac: ['just because you don't vocalize it, doesn't get you out of any responsibility for implying it with what you don't, for fuck's sake, when are you gonna grow a backbone?'] Jesse: 'what I vocalised were it don't have to happen right the fuck now and it don't, take a sec for fuck's sake'] Jac: ['no because we're on a fucking timeline here, we don't have a sec!' raising our voice assumedly higher than the hushed tones we've been keeping] Jesse: [putting a hand on her arm like calm down but not a patronising calm down just like the equivalent of the JJ soft hey but not in words] Jac: ['no' and pushing his hand away but in a more calm manner not aggressively so 'the longer you delay this the worse it gets, it has to be dealt with now'] Jesse: [eye contact because we will not be fobbed off hen 'I get that but you only found out about an hour ago, like'] Jac: ['I fail to see the point in meditating on it, like' looking back obvs 'and anyway, the fact remains I still DON'T know what I'm going to do so you've got what you want there anyway'] Jesse: [a look like don't be a dickhead 'you don't reckon you might be in a bit of shock or whatever, nah?' but it's not a question cos we know you are and then a look like you can piss right off if you think this is what I want] Jac: ['and what? if I sleep on it this will be any less of a life-changing, earth-shattering shock?' shakes head like don't be stupid] Jesse: [a sigh because we don't know what to do or what to say] Jac: ['it's very sweet of you to want to fix this-' our tone suggests we think otherwise lol '-but that ain't why I called you'] Jesse: [a look like yeah no shit because we know she didn't have anyone else to call] Jac: ['I literally just need you to help me make the decision and then be there, not make me fucking okay with it, that isn't what this is'] Jesse: ['alright' genuinely we do mean it] Jac: ['thank you' big sigh] Jesse: [getting more tea for you both, it won't fix it but it is our love language] Jac: [just be having a google about all the possible things you could ever need to know for every available option] Jesse: [you too boy while you're waiting for that tea because why not] Jac: [casually terrifying ourselves lol but necessary evil 'cos yeah, can't not do this shit 'I hope you feel fucking lucky not to have a uterus'] Jesse: [nodding because we do after all this googling if we didn't before] Jac: [ah the biological unfairness of being born a girl lol] Jesse: [I hate it and all I've had to deal with are periods so] Jac: [literally being a straight girl/girl who has sex with men is lowkey mental torture like constant worry and if it does happen any outcome is bad like] Jesse: [agreed and y'all are gonna have to go home eventually and that upsets me to think about] Jac: [let us say that's hit you rn bitch 'what are we gonna...am I gonna say? I don't-' we mean speak 'cos literally tis the season lol] Jesse: [when that hits you then because again there's no right answer to this 'if you owt to be said, I can'] Jesse: [*want] Jac: ['I don't want it but-' a massive pause whilst we try to get our voice back to how it usually sounds and not straining 'cos you're about to cry 'cos we don't want that, then when you speak again it's barely audible '- how many more secrets am I expected to carry'] Jesse: [scoots his chair as close to her as he physically can because it's time for another feelsy lean that means 1. I love you 2. you can tell me anything 3. most importantly you can tell this whole fam literally anything even Jude who is a lot] Jac: [shakes head like clearly not but we don't move away] Jesse: [letting this moment happen because it's been so long for you both] Jac: [literally a year in all the senses lol] Jesse: [soz that we've done this to you lads] Jac: ['I don't think I can do any of this'] Jesse: ['you ain't got a choice, not to sit back and do nowt, I mean'] Jac: ['I know'] Jesse: [pushes her tea towards her like drink up because again it's our love language and they can't stay forever] Jac: [at least there's an excuse to go to the bathroom and filmically have a moment] Jesse: [and at least when they get home she's in the basement so he can be doing music shit  lowkey all night without it being blatant that he's checking on her] Jac: [we can skipperoo to that] Jesse: [agreed] Jac: [say that she was out of work 5 ish, say that took an hour at the least two at the most, they get home 7 ish, this is like late/early AM] Jac: Are you awake? Jesse: 👍 Jesse: [strums a note on the guitar or presses one on the keyboard like hello] Jac: I thought you were meant to be talented Jesse: where'd you hear that? Jesse: sounds like a load of bollocks Jac: Probably Jac: isn't everything on the 'gram Jesse: ✔ Jac: you'll have to come with me Jesse: Alright Jac: I just need to decide how to do it Jac: obviously I can't have it Jesse: did you work out how many weeks ago it were? Jac: three Jesse: I can give 'em a ring in a few hours, see how long you'll have to wait to get an appointment Jac: it can be up to 2 weeks Jac: that's what it says Jesse: I'll take the first one they offer us Jac: maybe that's to get it done Jac: it's all confusing Jac: and you can get the pills online and they won't prosecute you now but I still don't know how safe or fast that'll be either Jesse: soon as I can speak to someone, I'll ask whatever we ain't worked out Jac: pills have to be faster, even if they have to order them in, that's only a day or two Jac: two weeks is too long Jac: but the operation might be less scary Jac: I don't know Jesse: [sends her whatever he can find about people's actual experiences even though it's probably terrifying because the only way to really decide] Jac: I don't want to do this Jesse: I know Jac: this is why everyone does it Jac: has the kids Jac: I can't do this Jesse: can you do that though? Jac: I can't do any of this Jesse: not to be a dickhead, but you have to Jac: I know that Jesse: [playing some kind of song from their childhood whether that's a JJ or grandma Ali mood like this will comfort us while we ponder] Jesse: I dunno about waiting times for it but if you want it over and done sooner, the operation takes less time Jesse: couple of hours and you'll be back home Jac: yeah Jac: the pills can take days Jac: and you have to make sure it all comes away what if it doesn't Jac: how would I know what's too much blood Jesse: you'd have to call 'em or I would Jac: I wish they'd knock you out for the operation Jac: that's all Jesse: yeah, I get that Jac: it's punishment anyway Jac: there's no lesser it's just picking one and sticking to it Jesse: are you gonna tell anyone else, other than me and him? Jac: I don't know Jac: there's no point, I guess Jesse: might be a bit of a headfuck doing the 2nd pill at home if ma and da don't know, all I were thinking Jesse: but we could go somewhere else Jac: I don't want them to know Jac: I wish I didn't know Jesse: Alright Jac: when it's over forget you ever did Jesse: come on Jac: keep it to yourself then Jac: I don't want to talk about it Jesse: you might and I'll be about if you do Jesse: don't mean I'll be shouting about it Jac: nah Jesse: up to you, that Jac: just leave it Jesse: I heard you Jesse: I'll leave it out Jac: Good Jesse: ☕? Jac: no thanks Jac: I don't need stained teeth as well as a ruined womb Jesse: I'll pick you up a whitening kit when I go work in a bit Jac: 🙄 Jac: can't really drink tea through a straw like you can your coffee Jesse: if you're willing to look like a twat you can do owt Jesse: nobody's about to 👀 any road Jesse: I've had customers cracking on with all sorts Jac: I'd sooner be found dead in a ditch than be one of your customers Jesse: charming Jac: like it weren't obvious Jesse: never said it weren't Jesse: still a bit rude Jac: what, that I'm not a pretentious hipster that likes to pretend shit music is amazing and everyone else is too stupid to get it Jesse: that you'd rather 💀 than have a ☕ off me Jac: I don't know why you'd expect different Jesse: I never said that either Jac: then why say anything at all Jesse: 🤐 Jac: about right Jesse: 🤏 Jac: what does that even mean Jesse: it'll do Jac: whatever Jac: not as if there's any choice in the matter Jesse: what does that mean? Jac: you're annoying and you've got nothing to say Jac: that's just how it is Jesse: alright then Jac: yeah, case in point Jesse: suits you often enough that it's the case Jac: yeah, love that I hate you all Jac: it's a right laugh Jesse: for us an' all Jac: as I said, no choice in the matter Jac: just get on with it Jesse: 👍 Jac: I'll do the pills Jesse: I'll be about Jac: whatever Jesse: you've gotta have somebody with you Jac: I'm sure plenty didn't and don't Jac: if it gets to much, call an ambulance Jesse: you heard, I'll be here Jac: and I said, whatever Jesse: let me know when then Jac: 👍 Jesse: 👌 Jac: no, it's not Jesse: no shit Jac: so quit with this shit and acting like it is Jesse: you Jac: I'm not Jac: I just wanna face my time and do it Jesse: I'm getting my head round it Jac: why? Jac: what's to get, it won't be here Jesse: that's to get if nowt else Jesse: you've gotta do this Jac: so, that has nothing to do with you Jac: it's my mistake my problem Jesse: all that shit I've read ain't just going in one 👂 and out the other Jesse: and it don't have to be my mistake or problem for me to be bothered Jac: then don't get someone pregnant Jac: really welcome for the cautionary tale Jesse: tah Jac: just go away and go to bed Jesse: I ain't finished, there'll be sod all point going to bed when I am Jac: great Jesse: I'll live Jac: I don't care about you Jac: I'm trying to sleep Jesse: crack on then Jesse: I won't stop you Jac: I can't sleep when you're down here Jesse: alright, I'll piss off Jac: thank you Jesse: night Jac: yep Jac: [the next day/day after potentially] Jac: I got the pills Jac: if you're still interested Jesse: they give you the 1st one at the clinic or what? Jesse: how I read it Jac: then you know Jac: I'm gonna fake an abortion for your attention? Jac: obviously not Jesse: piss off Jac: I'm not in the mood Jesse: I'd have gone with you Jac: no need Jesse: do you need picking up now? Jac: I had a cab Jac: they make sure you aren't gonna get off in a car and crash or whatever Jesse: you home? Jac: where else Jesse: is anyone else about or what? Jac: yeah, if you didn't want to do this Jac: you should've said from the start Jac: then I wouldn't have bothered with any of this Jesse: if you'd have said you were doing it I'd be there waiting for you Jac: forget it Jac: you're more of a hindrance than a help Jesse: for not being a 🧠📖 yeah alright Jac: no, for making this remotely about you Jac: and being such a fucking pushover Jac: sometimes, you don't take no for an answer Jac: I was fucking terrified last night and you just left Jac: so fuck you, I don't need you now Jesse: you told me to leave Jac: and? Jac: I can't do this right now, Jesse Jac: I'm literally fucking killing my baby as we speak and you still wanna say you were just doing what I said, anything for an easy life Jac: you're not my problem now, I shouldn't have picked you, simple as Jesse: well you fucking did pick me Jesse: and you know why Jesse: that's about you, not me Jac: because at one point you could be fucking relied upon Jac: my mistake you're actually useless now, well great, thank you SO much Jesse: I got it wrong Jesse: I'm sorry Jac: I needed you to break through Jac: at least try, my God Jesse: I thought you needed space Jesse: I don't know Jac: I don't have enough of that Jac: it's convenient for you to all leave me alone now Jac: you don't like me, whatever Jac: I just needed you to put that aside for this Jesse: piss off, I've fucking tried for a year Jesse: I don't know how to do this with you any more, I don't know you Jac: this isn't run of the mill Jac: it's pretty special circumstances Jac: it is to me Jesse: tah for that, I hadn't realised Jesse: fucking hell Jac: can you just stop Jesse: yeah Jac: Are you gonna come home or what? Jesse: I'm on my way Jac: okay Jesse: is anyone else there or what? Jac: I think Cammie and Jameson were but I just came straight down so they didn't try to talk to me Jac: they might've gone by now Jesse: I'll come in that way Jac: I wasn't just being a bitch, by the way Jac: I bled through the pad I put on Jesse: it don't matter if you were, they'll live Jesse: do you need me to get you anything? Jac: they're used to it too Jac: I've got the painkillers Jesse: I'll just hurry up then Jac: won't be going anywhere Jesse: [we're not saying anything because we're hurrying lol] Jac: [fairplay hen] Jesse: [is gonna bring her loads of things that she could possibly want though obvs to a laughable degree] Jac: [a hot water bottle is a good idea so say you thought of that lol] Jesse: [yeah, cue montage of him giving her a comical amount of things that she lowkey doesn't want or need but there will be some useful shit in there too] Jac: [okay so just watched a quick video, and the worst is infection, sepsis as very worst, it not all coming away, or the tablets not working and this is worked out by going through more than 2 pads an hour with blood, a bad smell down there, a really high fever and the pain not being helped like at all by pain relief methods; we'll let that not happen because it is enough lol, so the basics are severe pain, cramps and blood, nausea, vomiting, diarhea, being shivery hot, you pass tissue and clots and this is meant to take 1-2 days but can last TIL YOUR NEXT PERIOD, the cramps also last about TWO WEEKS, pregnancy symptoms should ease after a couple of days, like being sick, but you can still have tender breasts for several weeks, you can't take the test to confirm the pregnancy is terminated 'til THREE WEEKS later, because the hormones stay around, you aren't allowed sex for 2 weeks BUT IF YOU DO YOU CAN GET PREGNANT IMMEDIATELY AFTER AN ABORTION but like we won't be, you're also not allowed to bath for 2 days and if you have a shower you have to have someone there in case you faint] Jac: [thought we should have this v basic rundown] Jesse: [thank god he is there and not leaving her for a bloody second because I can't even] Jac: [this is what we say when nobody WANTS an abortion hun, this is brutal, we're so rude] Jesse: [worst christmas ever] Jac: [yeah this tops last year and yours before that Amelia, not that we having a competition but hey ho] Jesse: [also thank god that we said that birthday flower drama happened and they broke up so Amelia isn't there casually like oh hey] Jac: [I was thinking if we do want her to know/be real drama, she could try to hit her up, it is Christmas lol] Jesse: [yeah that's always an option because she'll never get you pregnant hun] Jac: [oops, I meant that the other way around, did not write that properly, like Amelia tryna be a bit casual like hey don't be mad it's Xmas and then Jac could flip and it'll obviously be more than the flowers] Jesse: [well that makes sense because it's Amelia she's probably bought her a christmas gift yet again lol] Jac: [that was my vibe lol, god knows how my boo will be feelsy/rude with that] Jesse: [I was thinking she should get her another gay book that relates to their life like she did last year but like folded up inside is a portrait cos she hasn't done one of her since that one when they were like tweens] Jac: [you can find a list I bet, at least you don't know about the gay baby there isn't, that would be too close to the nose] Jesse: [blatantly like a chanel lipstick because we got the lip balm a year before, a theme so yeah leave that for the bae like you did last year] Jac: [a vibey vibe tbh, soz you do not know what you're coming into] Jac: [but yes, this is gonna be a bonding moment for you two, because it'll stop being like let's talk about it and you'll just have to do it, at least 2 days of the worst, you'll have to distract and comfort anywhich ways you can think of, probably lots of old movies and eating comforting junk, I'm just deciding if we tell JJ ourself or make Jesse rn hmm] Jesse: [I love that for you two even though it has to be in such horrible circumstances, I think he should do it because they'll blatantly still speak to her but at least she won't have to start the convo herself] Jac: [yeah, that makes sense as a moment 'cos we aren't stupid and this is gonna be suspish to all of us but at least then we can keep the other kids mainly Jude from being like HEWWO] Jesse: [yeah because Jude is the last thing we need rn no offense hen but he's literally not leaving her and even he isn't the music bit THAT much plus we said he had a show that he's just skipping which Jude would probably know so she'd be like ??! if not] Jac: [like, I'm down for mentioning that is a thing or having her come into the inbox but we don't need it to get to deathcon 5 levels, like we don't have the energy so she'd just be ignored and I won't make you self-RP] Jesse: [we know it's a thing and we know the vibe] Jac: [mhmm, like at the minute we've probably simply forgotten but we will circle back 'round when we're not quite so in traumatic shock] Jesse: [poor Jude just like why is everyone ignoring me, god bless] Jac: [lmao GIMME THAT ATTENTION, truly JJ I dunno how you tell someone to stop without giving up the info but you've gotta somehow] Jesse: [distract her somehow lads, it's nearly christmas there is shit you can do] Jac: [just going on a suspish amount of Christmas activities haha i live] Jesse: [I feel bad for you hen but like all will become clear one day] Jac: [sadly how it's gonna be]

[bnha-hcs]

*breathes* I've been haunted by the "wait for me" trope; may I ask for a scenario where Todoroki's crush accidentally slips that she loves him, but he doesn't catch it and she leaves it hoping he doesn't think too much about it. But he does. And he realizes. So he brings her to talk and feelings are exchanged; he admits he loves her back but he's got a lot going on but he doesn't want to lose her, so if she's willing, would she wait for him? I'm really sorry if that's a lot to ask!

Decided to do some requests bc I’m still waiting on my doctors to figure shit out and its,,, taking forever so I’m running out of things to do that don’t have me doing too much alsjdalkd. I know it’s late on a lot of these but better late than never yeah? 

Also I finally caught up with the manga oh my gods it’s been 5000 years

- Tiki

You stand there in complete silence- thoroughly mortified about what you had just let slip in such casual conversation. There’s no telling what could happen at this point and you weren’t sure if you should try to apologize or just own up to the fact that you had just accidentally confessed your feelings to Todoroki. For a second you weren’t even sure if he even heard you, until you looked over and saw his blue and brown eyes searching your face for any semblance- any indication that you had been lying, or joking, or something.

Todoroki didn’t look like he was going to say anything anytime soon, leaving you to hurry up and pick a course of action. He looks… uncomfortable, and actually a little flustered. Specifically, he even looks like he’s lost a bit of his cool/aloof nature and you’re very afraid you’ve actually ruined any sort of friendship the two of you even had. Is he mad?? Is he upset with you?? You scramble to think of what to say, and before you can stop yourself, words are pouring out of your mouth in a mad dash to keep whatever dignity and friendship you had left.

“Um!! I mean don’t think anything of what I just said… In fact, just forget I said anything alright??” You manage out, stumbling over a few words here and there.

NO response.

Crap, you’ve definitely fucked up. Surely this is where everything goes out the window and now it’s time to make a hasty retreat. So you scramble to get your things and get going, making your move to leave. As soon as you bid your quick goodbye in the form of a quiet squeak you feel the hold of his hand on your wrist, and look to see a look of utter confusion on his face matched with pleading eyes. You’ve never seen such a look on Todoroki’s face before and you’re unsure of what to even make of it. Out of habit you freeze and wait for whatever he looks like he’s about to say.

“I’m sorry, what did you mean? I’m a little confused…” He says, his face scrunching up a little bit as he looks lost in thought. You physically deflate at his words.

Oh GOOD he doesn’t actually know what you said thank g o d s. You let out a large sigh and force a sheepish smile onto your face, freeing your wrist from his grasp and waving your hand a bit.

“It’s okay Shouto! Don’t worry about it.” You say quickly, taking a step away. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

This time you don’t give him any room you stop you, and successfully make your retreat this time. You almost run back to the dorms, eager to find solace in the safety of your room and to wallow in your embarrassment by yourself, and rightfully so. You were still mortified with yourself, and are sure you wouldn’t be able to look Todoroki in the eyes the next few days. Gods... maybe if you were lucky he’d just forget about the whole thing altogether. But you’d never be that lucky. Todoroki was aloof but you were dead sure he wasn’t that aloof.

As soon as you were back to your dorm room you threw yourself on the bed and contemplated on whether you needed to fake your own death or not. Your over dramatic ass tried to list off friends who could possibly help you disappear, but figured you’d have a better chance just accepting what happened than trying to suddenly drop from the grid and become a hermit. Groaning into your pillow you roll over and set your alarms for tomorrow, deciding to sleep off your days events.

------

The alarms went off and you had to, unfortunately, get up and get ready to face the day. As soon as you brought your phone to your face and shut off the alarms to stop the assault on your poor eardrums, you found a text from Todoroki waiting for you, having been sent only a few minutes before you got up. As soon as you saw it waiting in your messages you could feel your soul leaving your body and the emergency systems in your brain start to malfunction. At some point you were sure someone could hear you screaming in your mind as you tapped on the message to read its contents.

‘Sorry it’s early, but could we talk before class?’

Quickly, you texted out a reply, making about 500 typos and then having to spend more time fixing them than actually typing it up. It didn’t help that you were hardly coherent from waking up about 2 minutes prior. Finally you had hit send and waited for a reply, biting your lip a little too hard.

‘Sure!! Same place as yesterday?’

…

‘That’s fine’

You practically shoot yourself out of bed to get dressed and make yourself look like you didn’t just sleep for about 15 hours because holy hell you were sure you looked like a disaster right now. I mean… you ARE a disaster, but you couldn’t let anyone actually k n o w, let alone Todoroki of all people good gods. So you shove on your uniform and haphazardly brush through your hair so you could quickly jump over to the bathroom and brush your teeth, put on deodorant, etc.

As you’re finishing up your flurry of things you realize you hadn’t asked when the hell you were supposed to be there, having just assumed that he meant as soon as possible. Well… if you went now you wouldn’t have to run the risk of running into anyone. So instead of confirming a time to be there, you decided to stick to your plan of getting there as soon as possible, not exactly caring if it was a little too early. Maybe you could find a vending machine somewhere and get a drink in case you had to wait…

You sighed and threw your bag over your shoulder, checking your phone as you exit your room and make your way down, and out of the dorms. Just as you had thought, not many people were up and you were lucky enough to slip past them and out the door without having to say a thing. Maybe they were also half asleep and just hadn’t the energy to talk yet. Either way you were grateful. With a quick pace you headed back to where you were yesterday- a small courtyard around the school grounds that you’d often study at if the weather permitted. After a while of being friends with Todoroki, the two of you had made it a habit to meet there and study together or just hang out between other things in your busy lives.

Rounding the corner you choked on your spit seeing Todoroki was already there, and you had to make peace with dying from choking as you avoided hacking up a lung and looking like a huge idiot. Just great… Your face was already red and your voice was going to sound stressed. And he must’ve heard your muffled choking noises because he turned around, his soft face catching the morning sun as he squinted to see you. So you hurried your way over for his sake, seeing as it would do neither of you any good if you just loafed around like a piece of wet lettuce.

“Um, hey!” You squeaked out, stopped just a bit in front of him. “So what did you want to talk about?”

There’s a pause, and you watch him shift his hands, like he isn’t sure what or where to put them. He settles for awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, a blush dusting his cheeks as he struggles to look at you. You watch with much anxiety and anticipation, not used to… well… any of this.

“I realized what exactly you meant yesterday…” He starts, choosing his words carefully. “And I’m sorry I didn’t understand at first but…”

But??? But what?? Oh gods you knew it, you knew he was going to reject you- you knew you never stood a chance of ever being with someone like him. You knew… you’d start to cry sooner or later but as soon as you had the flood of thoughts scrambling for purchase through your head you could feel the tears pricking your eyes and the heaviness of rejection settling in your head.

“I’m not really good at… these kind of things.” He says simply, and part of you is relieved but you aren’t exactly sure that can stop steeling yourself for whatever he has to say. He looks up at you, eyes locking with yours, his gaze as heavy as your head felt and you find your breath catching in your throat. He sighs, looking away again before he begins to inch closer.

Todoroki reaches out and you resist the urge to shy away, knowing that if you did, you’d never be able to witness such tenderness from him again. So you move a bit closer on your own and meet him halfway. His right hand moves to cup the side of you face, thumb swiping over your cheek with a feeling that has you at a loss of words. You’re not even sure if you should speak right now, and wait for him to make his next move. Todoroki has a look of pure adoration of you in his eyes and you feel his hand waver a bit and a slight look of sadness flickers in his eyes for a quick second.

“I realized what you said and then I realized I…” He pauses his other hand going to cup the other side of your face, “I love you, too.”

The feeling is suffocating- his hands, his words, his face as it’s so close and so far from yours, and then the feeling in the pit of your stomach that has you thinking that it’s too good to be true. The warm blush that’s spread across your face has you feeling dizzy, like you can’t quite focus on anything but his touch, and the sound of his voice. You sigh prematurely and you watch him look away for a second.

“Shouto…” You breathe out.

“I love you so much, (Y/N), but I- we can’t be together right now.”

“Wh.. What?” You ask incredulously. “What do you mean?”

You can feel the tears pricking in your eyes again, and the sinking of your stomach as a pang grabs at the deepest depths of your chest. You could hardly keep your voice from wavering as you spoke. He can tell you’re upset, and surely this was just as hard for him to explain as it was for you to listen and accept it.

“Just, as I am now, I wouldn’t be able to be there for you. And we’re both still changing and growing so it wouldn’t be good for either of us.” He sighs, looking around like he’s anxious until he resumes, keeping his tender gaze with you and his hands still gently holding your face. “But I don’t want to lose you.”

It’s hard to keep the feelings buried in you so you let a sniffle out, and few tears roll down your face, which are quickly wiped away by the boy in front of you. You want so hard to hide your face- to bury it in your hands and hide the tears you’ve been trying so hard to keep back, but all you can do is reach up and grasp one the the hands Todoroki has cupping your face. You lean into his touch, nodding to his words as they slowly process in your mind.

“(Y/n),” He beckons your name so you’ll look up at him, giving you a small smile. “I know I’m asking a lot but, will you wait for me?”

It takes you a second to actually process any single word that he just said and you half blame the inebriated state that you’ve been in this whole time and the whirlwind of emotions that you’ve been through had you second guessing your comprehensive skills. And before he knew it, you had broken his hold on you and leapt into his arms, burying your face in whatever place you could put it. His arms circle around you and for a few moments the two of your stand there, completely content in each other’s presence. His face buries itself in your hair and he places a small kiss on the top of your head.

“Of course I’ll wait for you!” You gasp, pulling your head from his chest and making him lift his head. “I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

For a second he looks surprised as he looks down at you, like he didn’t expect you to say yes. And then a smile makes its way into his face, slowly, and he can’t help showing his delight. Without much warning he leans down and quickly presses his lips against yours. It’s quick, and in a way it’s very bitter sweet as you quickly go to reciprocate the affection, knowing full well it’ll be the last you’ll ever get in a while. You try to embed into your mind the feeling of his lips on yours, and you know very well that he is probably doing just the same. The tickling shiver that flutters up your spine is foreign, but definitely not unwelcome and part of you wonders when you’ll be able to indulge in something like this everyday. And just as you thought, the moment the two of you part, you feel a loss at the lack of contact.

You feel Todoroki’s breath fan across your face and resist the urge to lean back in for another kiss. And so the two of you part further, going back to standing together, and somehow acting like that didn’t just happen. You share a look with him and with a nod the two of you head off to class, Todoroki looking like he’s puffed up a little, probably due to the fact that he didn’t think you’d say yes. You found it endearing, to say the least.

There’s nothing much to say as you walk, a comfortable silence, and you find yourself still a little confused in your feelings. Sure you’re still muddled in sadness at the fact that were both rejected and not rejected at the same time. You weren’t quite sure where to place anything in your heart just yet. The only thing you knew is that you’d have to wait for him, for however long it takes. And you were just fine with that.

[sportanimefantasies]

Ooooh, I've always wanted to send in a request bc I love your writing! How about a cute angsty fic with Mattsun? (Maybe make it end fluffy?)

Wow I don’t think this was cute angsty but it was definitely angsty…

It was like Matsukawa already knew what Hanamaki was making a face at. That’s why he didn’t look behind him, even when Hanamaki’s eyes went wider and wider with each second. Nope, Matsukawa wasn’t going to turn around and see-

“Hanamaki? Matsukawa?”

Fuck. As slowly as Matsukawa could turn, his grief turned into a small smile. Hanamaki could only do the same. And there you were, as beautiful as ever. Just like Matsukawa remembered. How could he forget?

“Hi, ____-san,” Matsukawa greeted kindly. Hanamaki nodded, hoping the tension behind his smile could be seen.

“I haven’t seen you since… Almost a year now! How are you guys?” you asked. You slid in next to Matsukawa, your smile closer than before. As he was sliding into the booth for you, he couldn’t help but notice how easily he did it. It was all just muscle memory, letting you be so close to Matsukawa.

And to have your smile that close… It blinded Matsukawa. It made his smile twitched. He really did miss your smile against his.

“I’m good. Got a new job, close to my apartment,” Matsukawa answered.

Hanamaki mentally complimented Matsukawa. He was holding it together so well. If Hanamaki was in Matsukawa’s situation right now, he would run away.

“Oh, right, you moved over closer to the college right?” you beamed.

“Yeah. I’m glad you remembered,” And Matsukawa meant it. Hanamaki could feel both his own and Matsukawa’s chest burn.

“Well, yeah. You’re hard to forget,” you laughed lightly.

That’s when you noticed both Matsukawa and Hanamaki flinch. But it was only a second. A second Matsukawa regretted instantly.

“Are you guys okay?” you asked surprised. It was small, but you felt some tension in the air.

“Yeah, you’re just…” Matsukawa’s voice trailed off. Amazing. Beautiful. Alive. Different. One of a kind. Someone he was in love with. Someone who was his. Someone who isn’t his anymore.

If only Matsukawa could reverse time.

“Just…?”

“The same,” Hanamaki finished, his voice a little higher pitched than usual. Matsukawa and you snapped your heads to Hanamaki, you with eyebrows raised and Matsukawa with the tension out of his system. Hanamaki forced a bigger smile. “You’re still just as bubbly as ever, ____-san.”

“Oh,” you laughed right after. “I guess. Can’t really change that, huh?”

“It’s not bad though,” Matsukawa added. Your eyes darted to Matsukawa surprised. “I like that part of you.” Love. He would’ve said love if he could.

“Really?” you asked. You had a smile of surprise and almost disbelief. But you were definitely happy. And definitely blushing.

It made Matsukawa smile more confidently. “Yeah, I do.”

Hanamaki watched you two, just smile at each other. Blush all across your cheeks, almost reaching your ears. It had been a long time since Matsukawa was even able to smile a little bit like that. And it hurt Hanamaki. He was happy for his best friend, but he knew he was hurting. He knew how broken Matsukawa’s heart was just having you here. As much as Hanamaki wished you were around, the real you, he just wanted you to leave.

Just so Matsukawa wouldn’t have to hide it anymore.

As you walked away with a wave to the two outside the restaurant, Matsukawa couldn’t help it. When you were finally out of sight, Matsukawa immediately began to walk faster to the car. Hanamaki didn’t say a word, he just followed behind his best friend.

It hurt. If feelings could kill, Matsukawa was convinced he could finally roll over and die. He almost convinced himself it would be better to be dead than alive. Almost.

As the two of them got into Hanamaki’s car, Matsukawa sat back in the passenger seat, trying to push the balls of his hands into his eye sockets, as if to hide the crying. But Matsukawa’s wails couldn’t be held in any longer. It’s been so long since he has seen you, since he could even talk to you.

But there wasn’t enough time to help him get over you. There would never be enough time for that. There would never be enough time for Matsukawa to accept the situation.

Hanamaki held onto Matsukawa’s shoulder, gripping it tighter. Matsukawa shook his head. It was the only thing he could do.

“Matsukawa, I know,” Hanamaki tried. He really did try for better words, but that’s all that could come out. Matsukawa could only shake his head. He didn’t even want to look into Hanamaki’s eyes.

It wasn’t the pity or the sadness Matsukawa couldn’t handle. It was just everything. Reality. Time. You. Matsukawa couldn’t handle anything right now.

Matsukawa dropped his hands and looked straight out the window. Hanamaki felt a tear fall down his cheek. How could he only do this for his best friend? For the two of you? Hanamaki couldn’t stand not being able to change this for Matsukawa. He wished this was different.

“Fuck, Hanamaki. Fuck,” Matsukawa cried.

“I know, man. I… It’s okay,” Hanamaki sighed. The air was heavy.

“No, man. It’s not okay,” Matsukawa began to cry again. He bent over in the seat, his elbows on his knees and his hands clenching onto fists full of hair. “I can’t fucking do this shit, Hanamaki.”

Hanamaki rubbed at Matsukawa’s back, just staring at the wheel. He wished this was different. The both of them definitely wished shit was different.

“I know, I’m sorry,”

Matsukawa shook his head. “No, shit. Sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“No, you’re right man. I’m sorry. I mean,” Hanamaki struggled again to find the words. He had been doing that lately. He looked to Matsukawa who was still crying. But when he turned to Hanamaki, the most broken he has ever seen him, Hanamaki couldn’t help but look away. This was hard. But it’s unbearable for Matsukawa.

Hanamaki slowly breaths out. Its shaky. Matsukawa wails louder, already know what his best friend was going to say.

“I mean, she’s your wife. It’s not okay she forgot about you,”

6 years gone in seconds.

You didn’t see the motorcycle. It was snowing. When you finally caught sight of him, you turned too hard and too late. Your car spun in so many circles, witnesses said there was no where else for you to hit other than the cement wall.

Matsukawa stayed by your side every day in the hospital. You slept for two and a half weeks straight. Everyone was worried you would never wake up. But Matsukawa stayed. He believed you would wake up and be okay.

He was only half right.

When you woke up, Matsukawa was just down seven stories, outside for his fifth smoke of the day. He couldn’t help but run to your room. Who could blame him? Even when it was time to lose hope or to start thinking about a future without you, you came back to him.

So of course he was furious when the doctor stopped him. Of course Matsukawa was yelling when the doctor said Matsukawa wasn’t allowed to see his own wife of 6 years. And of course, Matsukawa stopped moving, listening, almost breathing when the doctor told him you don’t remember a thing.

The last thing you remembered was getting ready for your day at college. You said you just started college there was no way you were 25. Matsukawa and you got married at 19. The two of you started college at 18.

You didn’t remember him. At that time, you two weren’t even dating.

Matsukawa was scared. He was paralyzed by his fears. He couldn’t go into your room. He couldn’t greet you how he wanted. Matsukawa was crying in the hospital hallway. And when the doctor asked him what he wanted to do?

Matsukawa left the hospital and never looked back.

Six days had past since that day Matsukawa and Hanamaki had run into you at the restaurant.

Matsukawa sat in his living room watching some volleyball game going on in the US. They were good. About 97% of the points were from blocks. It brought back Matsukawa to the days at Seijou. The days with the team and you in the stands. When he just had some silly crush on you.

If someone told Matsukawa he was going to marry you almost two years after high school, he would laugh. It would be some joke played on him for liking you, a girl way out of his league.

But if someone told you how it was really going to end up… Matsukawa would just think the world is cruel. Because it really was almost a hell without you next to him.

Suddenly, a knock was at Matsukawa’s door.

It was his day off. It might have been Hanamaki or the best friends, Oikawa and Iwaizumi, checking in on him. They had been doing that since the day of your awakening. And they definitely had been stopping by every day since you two last ran into each other.

So when he opened the door calmly, he wasn’t expecting to see you. With your wedding ring in your petite fingers.

“____-san, what are you-”

“Drop the ‘san’, Issei! Explain to me this!” you demanded. Matsukawa could see your eyes. They were red and puffy.

His mouth tried finding the words, he was stammering letters. Matsukawa couldn’t stop his eyes from getting bigger or from them burning. Fuck he was tired of crying.

“Goddammit, so it’s all true?!” you shrieked. “We really are married! Issei how could you-”

“You remember everything?” He sounded too hopeful. When you flinched in pain to his words, there was a bitter taste in his mouth.

“No! And I won’t because…. Because you just left me!” you cried.

There it was. The truth. The truth Matsukawa swore he would forgive himself.

“____, how did you find-”

“This?” You held up the wedding ring to his eyes again. You stepped closer when Matsukawa backed into his apartment, shocked. “My wedding ring?! The one you gave me?!”

“Yes! How did you-”

“I found it and thought it was my mother’s with some other man! I actually fought with her until she said it was mine, Issei!” you spat back. Matsukawa watched as you stomped back to the front door and shut it behind you. When you put the ring on the nearest table, you walked back to Matsukawa, pushing him with all your frustration. He actually fell back and sat there, just looking up at you with tears falling. Yours weren’t too slow to follow. “How could you ask everyone to keep that a secret from me?! That we were married?! Issei, we were friends in high school!”

You dropped to your knees just to slap Matsukawa. His face froze and didn’t bother to feel the sting.

“Issei, how could you just leave me behind just because I forgot everything?!”

Matsukawa slowly turned to you, his tears falling faster and heavier.

“Just because you forgot everything?” Matsukawa breathed out.

You yelped when Matsukawa grabbed your wrist and pulled you into his arms. “You don’t remember this!”

“Issei, what are you-”

“You don’t remember how it feels to just be able to let me hold you and not get nervous! I can feel your chest beating like crazy!”

“Hey, I don’t-”

Matsukawa held onto you tighter, almost wrapping himself around you. He cowered into you, holding the back of your head and pushing it into him. God, did he miss holding you. God did he miss being able to smell your hair. Matsukawa fucking missed you.

“____, you don’t remember me even telling you I fucking liked you! I’m in love with you and you don’t even remember that!” Matsukawa took you out of his arms and held you by the shoulders. “I was scared if I even tried, I wouldn’t get you back! I didn’t want to know what that was like!”

“But you didn’t even try to get me back!” you screeched. “Issei, I know it was hard but-”

“You don’t know how hard it was! No one knew how hard it was!” Matsukawa shot back. “I know, I know you were the one in pain! But I couldn’t…” Matsukawa held his head up as he looked at the carpet between his legs. The tears were blinding him as they fell from his eyes. “I couldn’t handle just seeing you say hi to me, like I wasn’t your husband. I didn’t know how to live from that. I didn’t know… I didn’t know how to help you when I couldn’t even fix me.”

“Issei,” you cried. You relaxed, only to slump your shoulders from how heavy the air was.

“I’m sorry… I’m so fucking sorry I did that to you,” Matsukawa shook his head. “I just… I-”

“You couldn’t do it, right?” you answered for him. The words stung. They were bitter. For the both of you. And when Matsukawa nodded, it was hard to hold in your tears.

“Do you know how crazy it was… To look at pictures of our wedding? Without you next to me?” you shot back, the pain intended. Matsukawa slowly looked up, waiting for you to slap him again. He looked like he was just asking for it at this point. “Issei, in that moment I just thought back to the time I fucking saw you after the accident and we talked like we hadn’t spoken since high school!”

“I know,” Matsukawa managed to get out. He shook his head. It was measurable how disappointed he was in  himself.

“And every time I saw you after that, you looked okay! As if… As if you were still the guy I liked in high school!” you pointed your fingers to yourself, as if you were the crazy one.

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m-”

“And I thought I was so fucking crazy for still being in love with you!” you snapped.

You brushed your hair back with your fingers, looking away then back at Matsukawa when all he did was stare at you in disbelief.

“Yes, Issei! I am still in love with you! I thought it was the same silly crush I had on you since high school, but no! Every time I saw you, I just never got the courage to admit I love you! Because you looked at me like I was some freak! And now that I know why, I know I’m not the crazy one! You are! You left me and-”

Matsukawa couldn’t help it. It was like the time you admitted you loved him. No, this was better, stronger. Matsukawa grabbed your face and smashed his lips to yours, the same taste it had always been since your guys’ first kiss.

It was your first again, but somehow, you knew this was better than the last.

When Matsukawa slowly broke the kiss, he held you in his arms, trembling. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He repeated the words over and over again. All you could do was look up into the ceiling and let more tears fall. It finally felt like you weren’t missing that whole chunk of life that made you wonder.

“How could you leave me? How could you just pretend to… How?” you asked, barely with a voice, leaning into him. It felt normal to hold Matsukawa, it felt like this was always meant to be.

“I’m so sorry, ____. Now and a thousand times over, I am sorry. I know it will never be enough but-”

“Never do it again,” you begged. “Please, never. I don’t want to wonder anymore why it feels like I have a big piece of nothing in my life. I don’t want to-”

Matsukawa took you out of his hold and brought your lips together one last time. It was so comforting to have his thumbs wipe away your tears. When your lips parted, Matsukawa rested his forehead on yours. You leaned into his touch, looking into his eyes.

They looked brighter. All the times you had seen him, they looked like they were else where, a different time. But now, they looked brighter. Happier. Yours.

“I’m never leaving you again,” Matsukawa breathed. He shook his head and brought your forehead to his lips. You tucked your head underneath his chin and cried into his chest. “I don’t want to remember what these days without you were like.”