#I've known him for like 5 years and we worked together for the first 3 and he had a (great) girlfriend so i never entertained the thought

[eddiediaaz]

my friend (and ex coworker) tried to teach me how to dance salsa for a while tonight, and he hugged me tight and long and said i better remember how to salsa next time he sees me, and tbh now i'm a little bit in love LMAO

[ciaonicole85]

Part 1: What then?

Some seemingly innocent, but truly mind-altering information is shared in a staff meeting.

Short fan fic. Low-key Sydcarmy/The Bear fluff. Post-season 2. Canon-compliant.

Location: The Bear

Time: 10:05 a.m.

The restaurant had closed lunch service on a Tuesday for a "Development Day". The Bear had been open for 5 months and had a 2 month wait list! After Family and Friends when they had all banded together the Bear crew had gotten tighter than ever. Carmen had been a outsider in his own restaurant for a couple weeks, but soon the dust settled. Even Sydney came around after 3 weeks of his patient groveling. The duo was good and soon The Bear had become one of Chicago Tribune's "Best New Restaurants." However, with success The Bear was changing fast. They had hired more full-time front and kitchen staff, which was great. The downside was that "respectful communication" and "customer complaint management" was waning a little. Things were not terrible, but Richie for whom Ever set the bar in hospitality, The Bear should always be improving, not sliding backwards. Natalie, Carmen and Sydney agreed. They also wanted to discuss new menu changes and a to-go system they would be testing soon.

"Okay, people! Let's get started" Natalie said beckoning everyone to take a seat at the front of house.

Richie stood next her "casually dressed" in a button down blue dress shirt and dark grey slacks.

He began, "As you know The Bear is on track to paying off the loan and we're the freakin' toast of the town right now, but this is not the time to take a nap. We gotta keep our eyes on the prize. So first, up facial regulation as known as RBF awareness."

Natalie tapped his shoulder and whispered, "Richie, I love your enthusiasm, but I thought we might start with an ice breaker?"

He shrugged and continued, "But Nat, has a ice breaker. Take it away".

Natalie resumed.

"So, first we want to thank each of you for being part of this dream and making it fun, rewarding, and successful. As you know The Bear is a family business and since there's new faces here we'd like to get to know you better and vice versa. We'll start with a quick round of "Best and Worst". Just pick a question out of the cup and answer it. Please keep your answers to 2 minutes."

The first question went to Randall, a young man in his early 20's with dark curly hair and thick glasses that frequently fogged in the humid kitchen. He was the new assistant pastry chef.

"What was the best place I ever lived? Hm…Guam. My dad, Army, was stationed on the base and I lived there from age 9-11. I had like 12 friends just on my block and we were always playing soccer, swimming, or riding our bikes. It was awesome."

"Thanks Randall!" Natalie chirped.

The next went to Tina.

"Ok…what is worst advice I've ever been given? Keep your head down and do what you know. That's the advice I used to give myself. Thankfully I didn't listen because now I'm a sous chef!"

Sydney who was sitting near the front between Gary and Carmy, beamed at Tina who returned the smile with a little moisture in her eyes.

The next question went to Marcus.

"Best moment in the last year? It was training at Noma, in Copenhagen. It was my first international trip. I got to stay in a houseboat, explore the city, meet cool people, and figure out that I wanted to do this maybe forever."

The last several months had been really hard due to Marcus's mom's passing. He had returned to work after a week of mourning citing that he knew she wouldn't want him to sit at home now that she was no longer sick. Despite that he was getting better every day and had come up with several new popular dessert specials. Tina was seated next to him and patted his arm.

The next few questions went to new dishwasher, Chris, Fak, and then Gary.

Sydney drew the next question and winced upon reading it. It wouldn't be possible to lie because Marcus already knew the truth.

"What was my best meal ever? Well…it was this pork confit with onions and rhubarb. Then after I had this dish called Milk and Honey."

She kept her eyes plastered on the tiny strip of paper while she spoke. In her peripheral field she could see Carm turning slightly towards her, his cornflower blue eyes boring two holes into the side of her head.

"Sounds grand. Ok, Carmy pick a question" Richie ordered wanting to get down to business by 10:30am.

Carmy didn't seem to hear him. He was on another planet.

"Yo cuz, pick a question!"

He startled and drew a question.

"Uh ok. Best part of my day? Hmmm. Closing up."

It was now Sydney's soul's turn to exit her body. Every night, with few exceptions, she and Carmy ended the night in his office to debrief on the day, perform last checks, and close together.

After a moment she felt his eyes still glancing at her. Without turning she whispered, "Later." The last thing she needed was to look at him, and forget how much time was passing, giving Richie yet another reason to tease them. Not long ago he gave them matching copies of a workplace relationship etiquette tip sheet stapled to an OSHA industrial hygiene handout before leaving them to close.

She sighed, trying to compose herself. It was no big deal. So what that Carm knew he was responsible for the best thing she ever ate? Also, they're partner-friends so it's totally normal that his favorite time of day when is they are together…alone. Right?

UH OH.

[sidekick-hero]

💫 Sandy, she/her, 30s, Europe 💫

writing tag ✍️ My AO3

🌈 Multichapter Fics 🌈

Suitcase of Memories (55k | explicit | co-written with @legitcookie)

Boy meets boy. Boy meets boy again. And again, so they decided to go on a date about it. But as they grow closer, Steve's insecurities threaten to pull them apart before they can even begin. Will fate intervene?

I wore his jacket for the longest time (58k | explicit | co-written with @legitcookie | Sequel to we pass the ghosts that haunt us later) 

Steve has made some bad choices in the past, choices that have cost him his marriage, and even worse than that, Eddie. The man he didn't realize he was in love with until it was too late. Now Steve must pick up the pieces of his life and figure out how to become the man he wants to be.

It's a story about love lost and love found, about the importance of friendship and family, and most of all, about second chances and how it's never too late to change.

I’m tired of asking to settle the debt (18k | explicit)

5 times Eddie warms Steve's hands and that one time Steve returns the favor.

Or: What if Steve and Eddie had met before the events of season 4? What if they kept bumping into each other because it was meant to be?

hold me close (I’m shaking apart) (WIP (2/3) | 15k | explicit)

It all came down to one simple truth: Steve Harrington was not at all what Eddie expected him to be, and it was confusing him to no end.

Or: Steve asks Eddie if he wants to experiment. Eddie wants so much more, but he takes what he can get and tries to not let it break his heart.

tangled with what I never said (4.1k | mature | angst with a happy ending)

And they were roomates.

🌈 Series 🌈

Modern AU - Teacher Steve and Musician Eddie (11k in 5 parts | rated T to explicit)

Just some snippets from the life of Teacher Steve Harrington and Wedding Band Singer turned Rockstar Eddie Munson.

Runner Steve Verse (14k in 2 parts | explicit)

Steve starts running to get out of his head. He finds that maybe he's been running towards something (or someone) all along.

🌈 One-Shots 10k+ 🌈

to the rhythm of eternity (18k | explicit)

The last two years Steve and Eddie have been doing the long distance thing when Steve visits Eddie in London for Christmas and falls in love with the city as well.

Emotional Motion Sickness (16.5k | explicit)

Steve's first night at a gay bar turns into something he never expected. He accidentally stumbles into a theme night - Kink Night - and discovers something new about himself.

🌈 One-Shots 5-10k 🌈

Would you fall for me? (8.8k | explicit | Porn with plot)

One-sided enemies to lovers au inspired by that cake scene in red, white and royal blue.

Will you cleanse me with pleasure? (8.4k | explicit | PWP with tentacle love making)

Steve thinks it’s safe to say that he knows everything important about Eddie when they finally decide to move in together.

Everything, it turns out, except that Eddie sneaks out of the house in the middle of the night at least once a week.

he's all that I've got (don’t take that sinner from me) (8k | explicit | open but hinted at happy ending)

Eddie is on the run after still being blamed for the murders in Hawkins, but he can't run away from Steve.

Part 2: take you with me (mature | 2.1k)

The way you touch, the way you taste (7.1k | explicit | PWP)

Gareth, Jeff and Freak hire Steve to take Eddie's virginity on his birthday. Eddie takes Steve's heart in the process. Entry for the sub Eddie week.

You know I'm a show off (I would let you get some) (6.4k | explicit | PWP)

Eddie's neighbor is the hottest man in existence, so when he finds him washing his car in the shortest shorts known to man he can't stay away.

Love from the other side (6.2k | mature)

Steve works in the emergency room, where he has lost several patients with gaping wounds on their necks, the blood drained from their bodies. It's only because of Eddie, who is a vampire himself, that Steve doesn't end up like them, but what will he do when it's Eddie who needs help?

Part 2: sink you teeth

we were meant to be (we live happily in my fantasy) (5.6k | explicit | PWP)

Eddie is a Big-Shot-Rockstar and Steve is the escort he hired to get people off his back. Too bad he fell in love with him.

When I open my eyes to the future I can hear you say my name (5k | explicit | PWP)

Even after almost a decade together you can still discover new kinks.

Will the man become the monster, or the monster become man? (5k | explicit | PWP)

Beauty and the Beast AU with a twist: What if, once a month, the prince turns back into the beast?

🌈 One-Shots 1k-5k 🌈

I’ve got to get you out of my mind (and back into my arms) (4.7k | explicit | PWP)

Every once in a while, Steve and Eddie like to spice up their sex life and go out to play.

Lay all your love on me (4.6k | explicit | porn with feelings)

Steve feels lonely on Valentine's Day '87 and a certain metalhead sets out to change that.

wear me like a locket around your throat (4.5k | explicit | PWP co-written with @yournowheregirl)

It doesn't really matter why, the fact remains that Eddie is making Steve a little bit feral, and the animal part of his brain demanded that he do something about it.

And that's why he bought Eddie a fucking collar, of all things.

tell me it's love, tell me it's real (4k | explicit | PWP co-written with @yournowheregirl)

The infamous piano scene from Pretty Woman (1990).

Carry You (4k | teen)

Written for @steddielovemonth, prompt: Love is letting someone take care of you.

Eddie is living the rockstar life, but it comes with a prize. When he reaches a point where he can't go on like that, will he finally let Steve carry him?

Part 2: Dear Steve (teen | 2.3k)

we tangle endlessly like lovers entwined (3.4k | explicit | Porn with feelings)

It's canon Steve likes to hold hands during sex.

Safe Haven (3.2k | teen)

Eddie finds a hurt wolf in the woods and takes him home. He has no idea that there is more to this particular wolf than it seems.

Part 2: Eat you alive (wc: 1.8k | mature)

Drowning In You (3.2k | teen | co-written with @legitcookie)

Steve and Eddie spend some time swimming at the quarry. At night. In just their underwear. As you do.

on the tip of my tongue, on top of my thighs (2.8k | explicit | PWP)

Eddie may be a little obsessed with Steve's chest. Okay, drop the a little.

He was sweet like honey (2.7k | explicit | PWP)

Steve loves mint chocolate chip ice cream. Eddie loathes it. But Steve has an idea how he can change Eddie's mind.

will you take me home (2.7k | teen)

Robin wants to adopt a cat, so why does Steve end up with one, too?

Rooting for you (2.6k | explicit)

Steve screwed up, no way around it. Fucked up big time.

In his defense, he didn't know that Eddie was in love with him. How could he have known? For all intents and purposes, they were just two horny guys hooking up.

safe & sound (2.5k | teen)

What happens when Steve meets Eddie Munson, who has just failed his senior year for the first time, during one of his nightly drives?

are you still mine? (2.4k | teen)

"He kissed me," Steve blurts out, and to Robin's credit, she doesn't react except for her hand on his to twitch in surprise. She makes a questioning sound in her throat, clearly waiting for more.

So much (for) Stardust (2.3k | teen)

A scene from an upcoming fic Pickup Note with @thefreakandthehair and art by @firefly-party. Steve can't sleep and Eddie takes him stargazing.

the past, the future, through death my arms are open (2.1k | mature)

second part to are you still mine? where Steve remembers another moment from their shared past where Eddie has been there for him even when he didn't ask for it

will you find me in the stars (2.1k | mature)

In every life, in every universe, they will find each other again. What’s a lifetime if you measure it in eternity?

true colors (2.1k | explicit)

Eddie's heart is beating for Steve but it takes Steve a bit to understand what it is saying.

Slaying Dragons (2.1k | gen)

Eddie was six years old when he first met Steve, not that he would remember it until much, much later.

Blinded by you (2.1k | teen)

The one in which Eddie is a hot mess but Paramedic Steve doesn't mind.

Crutch (2k | mature)

Steve loves Eddie, he really, really does. He just can’t say it.

Louder (2k | explicit | PWP)

While laying in bed, the two of them can't help but overhear their upstairs neighbors going at it rather loudly. Eddie turns to Steve after a while, and asks, You wanna fuck louder than them to establish dominance?

(I just) died in your arms (1.9k | teen | co-written with @legitcookie and @yournowheregirl)

"Hey, Steve, hi. You're probably wondering what I'm doing here." Eddie smiles nervously. When Steve just blinks at him, he takes that as a cue to continue.

"Funny story, actually," He laughs. The lack of sleep must be kicking in, which always makes him feel a little drunk and giddy. "There's this really annoying pipe in my room that's slowly driving me crazy, and I really, really, really need to get some sleep, man. I might even start crying if I don't get some soon. So, I was wondering... Could I crash in here?"

Someone New (1.7k | teen)

After Vecna, Eddie thinks he lost something vital, the one thing that made him Eddie. Steve teaches him that that's not true.

Butterfly Effect (1.5k | mature)

Eddie Munson is bad at feelings, but Steve makes him talk about them anyway, at least in metaphors.

Your scent (it clings to every blanket, sheet and pillowcase) (1.5k | mature)

Life after March '86 is very different from life before. For one thing, he never almost died before. Nor did he ever have anyone accuse him of murder, never mind murders, as in plural.

But then again, he didn't have Steve Harrington before either.

Until I found you (1.5k | mature)

Steve reminds Eddie that you can't buy happiness, you find it in each other.

You got a fast car (1.4k | teen)

"If we leave now, we can be in Indiana before midnight," Steve hears himself say, the decision already made, because the alternative is blood and pain and sorrow.

something about us (1.4k | teen)

What starts out as one of the worst nights of his college life turns into something else when Steve meets Eddie while being banned from his dorm room in the middle of the night thanks to some asshole setting off the fire alarm.

when we were made it was no accident (1.2k | teen)

Steve and Eddie just started dating, it's all new, it's all fragile and most of all, it's still a secret. So when they have a soundcheck coming up, they can't both be late because they can't make themselves to leave the bed, can't they? (part of @thefreakandthehair and @firefly-party and mine project pickup note)

we can be heroes (1.2k | gen)

Love makes Steve brave. And Steve loves fast and hard.

Once those two things become a certainty in Eddie's mind, other things fall into place.

only soul I ever saved (1.1k | explicit)

With Steve, Eddie can be soft. Obediant and sweet. With Steve, Eddie can be a good boy.

hate to be lame (1.1k | mature)

Eddie and Steve are spies working for competing agencies. They make it work.

Somehow, I just want you more (1k | teen)

When Chrissy sets Eddie up for a blind date he did not expect to find a ghost from his past waiting for him.

🌈 Drabbles (<1k) 🌈

I want you to want me (921 | teen)

let the impulse to love and the instinct to kill entangle to one (918 | teen)

Connoisseur of Comfort (652 | gen)

Grow back your sharpest teeth, you know my desire (548 | explicit)

Show them (Baby I'm yours)  (534 | explicit)

Sugar, I got a taste for you now (480 | explicit)

Okay, so I'm the dragon. Big deal. (442 | gen)

always on the tip of my tongue (387 | teen)

Deflated. Devoured. Defiled. (311 | explicit)

hole-in-the-wall (404 | gen)

love bites (404 | mature)

mine (404 | explicit)

Ahoy Sailor! (404 | mature)

My arms belong around you (509 | mature)

Like real people do (846 | gen)

that ultra-kind of love (you never walk away from) (509 | teen)

Let Go (509 | explicit)

Anything for love (790 | teen)

moonlit bonding (388 | teen)

blow my candle (290 | explicit)

Strangers Passing (380 | teen)

[waitmyturtles]

GMMTV 2024 Part 2, let's go

I've had my MULTIPLE cawfees and I'm watching the GMMTV Part 2 trailers. @my-rose-tinted-glasses, this one's for you!

TL;DR what I'm excited for: Ossan's Love with trepidation; Revamp: The Undead, I'm first in line; The Ex-Morning with open arms; Us, once we have a better sense of the screenplay; Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist, drop it like it's hot, Mark; Thame-Po, boys look gewd

****

1) Ossan's Love: THE KEY WORDS BEING "INSPIRED BY"

If I take away the inclination to do any sort of comparisons to the Japanese version whatsoever ("INSPIRED BY"), I'm thrilled that EarthMix get to do romcom. Earth at this level of baka is utterly unbelievable to me, you are too smokin' hot, boy, but try to bring it, because if you do, and it's a success, then I'll be fucking really impressed.

2) Leap Day: Looks scary. Gun!

3) The Heart Killers: ...

Man. Man! First in muscle shirts and an earring, kisses pushed up against walls, etc. Where have we seen this before. Lemme guess, they all get together in the end. I would like to force myself to be excited about this somehow, Jojo on 10 Things, but. I haven't been there with JoongDunk yet, either, so actually, they seemed kinda refreshing against the FK vibes, ha. Anyway, this reignited my OF burnout, which I'm honestly trying to ignore as I get close to re-watching The Eclipse for my Old GMMTV Challenge project. @my-rose-tinted-glasses, my trust issues switch is flipped to "on."

(Get Jojo away from ships, please. He had Tay kissing Joss and Mild in the same year AFTER Dark Blue Kiss. He fucking doesn't need to use ships.)

4) Friendshit Forever: no subs, seems intense, the gals are smokin', NEW AND BOUN?! Hate to say it, but even without knowing what this is exactly about, I'm intrigued? My Boun! New and Boun!

5) Perfect 10 Liners: They're letting New Siwaj do 30 episodes, folks. I have no predictions on this one, y'all will have to tell me if it's good. Perth is back with New Siwaj directing after 2018's Love By Chance. If they give Chimon a little comedy, I'll be happy. I asked for Junior again, but maybe I wasn't expecting him to go to school, but I will admit I like JuniorMark together, and if they get to helm 10 episodes as the center stars, then good for them! Maybe that'll be the bit of this series that I watch.

6) Us: I believe in this screenplay more than how 23.5 is working out. I think Fon Kanittha needs more stuff on her plate to play around with to make a great show. This trailer was great. I'm watching My Precious the Series now (after having watched the movie this past weekend, which I was disappointed by -- the series is MUCH better, and going better than 23.5), and I'm seeing that Fon does stuff very well, background community building that gives us macro- and micro-level understandings of her characters. If those levels are Sing Harit, I'm here for it, that was an unexpected appearance, but if he's recalling the strength he brought to Todd in Not Me, then I'm a happy camper.

7) Hide and Sis: I love Piploy. Wednesday Club was a total holiday trash watch for me last year, but I loved her a lot. Looks like they're promoting this as a multi-generational show with known older actors, the approach of which I like. Everyone hates each other and maybe tries to kill each other; Keeping Up With the Thai Kardashians, maybe? Surprise, Gawin's a cop. Chimon as murderer, I'll support that.

8) Thame-Po: This looks cute. I'll consider a pre-order! Separately, I happen to adore cute Lego from LYKN, so good on those dudes for getting a show, and I like that William is pushing his boundaries outside of music.

9) Break-Up Service: I am happy that Off has gotten this kind of sneaky love romcom (?) role.

10) Revamp: The Undead: I'm here for it. I'm so happy for BounPrem. I'm happy to see some strong support dudes in Kay and Mark in this project. I haven't watched My Only 12%, so I don't know from Santa, but I know a lot of friends love him. I am totally seated. GMMTV is really the BL Machine, huh, absorbing this project.

11) Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist: Do not get me wrong, I am very excited about this; I am just wondering if Baby Ohm needs a little workshopping to get more diversity in his expressions. But I am very excited, Mark looks SO DOWN and ready to lead. View! Jimmy! I'm good with this.

12) The Dark Dice: High School Squid Game, I can't

13) The Ex-Morning: I gotta admit. This kind of moment is one of the reasons why I'm so happy doing the OGMMTVC. The big-ass smile I had on my face seeing KristSingto again, even though I really wasn't the biggest fan of SOTUS -- I've done a whole accountability turn on Krist after seeing him in Be My Favorite, and I appreciate that this show will go meta on the KristSingto background. It fucking sucks that Shadow sucked, because Singto is such a good actor, just seems like his scripts are here and there lately, but anyway. Aof Noppharnach writing this? Last Twilight ended cringe, but I'm still an Aof girlie, so I am 100% excited for this.

14) Scarlet Heart Thailand: That wasn't really a trailer, but considering the reputation the base story has in Asia and globally, I like, business-wise, what this means for GMMTV, a historical that will have appeal to multiple generations. I understand the original novel for this, Bu Bu Jing Xin, isn't translated into English, and that's a bummer, because it seems like this Thai version, which has already been dramatized in China and Korea, is based squarely on the novel. Fuck Win. These were the kinds of shows I loved as a kid when I watched Asian shows with my folks, so I have to admit that I'm intrigued, but I would have liked to see a meatier trailer.

That's it!

[gettothestabbing]

Relationship Doubts and Venting

For context, I've never had a long-term relationship before. I was technically 'with' a guy for two years, but after 6 dates our first month, I had to move, and so only saw him twice more in person after that. He insisted on EMAIL communcation only. So we essentially made no progress on actually getting to know each other.

So now, I've been with my current boyfriend for 5 months, and have known him for 6. We met on a dating app. We find each other very attractive, we're both conservative and want multiple children, we're both deadset on no sex before marriage, and we get along quite well. I enjoy being around him, and I've introduced him to my church and my coworkers on different occasions, starting from our first month together.

But on our last date, he started asking me questions about how my denomination handles weddings and what I would like my own wedding to be like. I was honest about what I liked, and finished by saying I wasn't ready to be engaged yet. But from things he's said, I have a feeling he's decided that I'm the one and is only waiting until I say something similar back to make it official.

That's so exciting, and flattering, and yet I know I'm not ready for it.

I still have a lot of concerns and unknowns about him. In no particular order, please enjoy all my concerns:

1: I still haven't met any of his family. We almost went bowling with his sister but she had a last-minute scheduling conflict. He's been living with his brother for several years, but he didn't even tell that brother about me yet. He says this brother is just very quiet and that they aren't close. But they've lived together for over 10 years, and my BF drives an hour EACH WAY to see me for every date. Where does the brother think he's going?

2: We never go to his area, partly because my work schedule is much less forgiving than his. This also means I've never seen his bedroom or home, including pictures. I've asked about this more than once, and he kinda dismisses it, saying it's just nicer to be in my area/house.

3: He's eight years older than me. I'm okay with the age gap in theory. In practice, we definitely grew up in very different eras and families. He's one of five kids, and I'm one of two sisters. I think he was harshly disciplined, and he indicated that he would physically discipline any children he has, though he added caveats restricting that discipline to certain behaviors from boys over the age of 15. But it still concerned me, because it wasn't coming from a place of "last resort" so much as from a place of "I got this so he would too."

Similarly, we don't agree on circumcision. His arguments for it consisted of "I was," "it's ugly otherwise," "he'll be bullied if he doesn't get it," and "there are some slight health benefits I think."

4: He was raised Catholic. I don't have an issue with Catholics generally, but I have known of several Catholic-CS couples who did not work out because of the vast denominational differences. I've also been personally warned by more than one CS woman of marrying a Catholic man, because they were prevented in their marriages from practicing their faith by their own Catholic husbands. TBF to my BF, he doesn't seem like he would be this kind of husband, but I don't know for sure because he doesn't seem to understand how different our beliefs actually are?

While my BF says he is looking for a new denomination, he's fundamentally incurious about other denominations, including my own. It seems like he is only looking to leave Catholicism because of political disaffection with Pope Francis and not because of an actual theological disagreement. He did Lent this year same as he ever did. He even admitted to not knowing the difference between Catholic and Protestant beliefs. He thought Peter wrote one of the Gospels (and he went to Catholic schools all his life).

It's just baffling to me that he isn't really interested in learning about different theologies and practices, while still claiming that he IS interested. It's words with no action following. I keep trying to show him stuff about my Bible study or my church. He's gone to a few services with me, but he never wants to talk about the content after. He just says the people there are nice.

Occasionally he makes jokes about wearing cult robes or bringing a goat to sacrifice to my church. This is because CS is often excluded from mainstream interfaith discussions and derided as a cult. Obviously, it's not a cult by any definition. I'm sensitive about this sort of joke, as not only do I truly hate cults like Scientology (for which we are also mistaken a lot unfortunately) and what they do to good people, but I was teased and bullied for my religion several times as a child and teenager.

5: Really, more than anything else, it's the incurious nature that concerns me. I'm not wealthy or an elite or anything, and never will be at my income level. But I do deeply value education, art, and learning. These are the things my family values too. I don't think I can be with someone permanently who doesn't value those things. I don't want to be overly pushy or self-centered either: it's not as if I want someone who only likes the stuff I like. But I don't want to only have small talk forever.

The few times we've had deeper discussions, he ends them as fast as possible, and his statements are rather vague and disconnected. While I wish we did agree on circumcision as an issue, I was more concerned with how poorly he defended his opinion, as well as how dismissive he was of my thoughts. I mean, I guess since I'm not a guy my opinion doesn't matter as much? But my arguments weren't about personal experience, but about empirical evidence and psychological studies. Idk. I regretted that conversation a lot; I got into lawyer-mode and was too blunt. For a few weeks afterward, he seemed like he was upset, but when I asked, he insisted he wasn't and that he didn't care. He also became more vulgar in our conversations after that. I had to ask him to scale it back.

None of these things individually are "dealbreakers". I'm not afraid of compromise and of us being our own people. But we do need to know some big things about each other and come to some important agreements before I would be ready to get engaged to him.

I'm hoping that when he meets my dad and stepmom next week, that will give me further insight. Good kissing and political agreement alone cannot a good marriage make.

[badgrammerlieshere]

Someday

because I couldn't come to terms with what had happened to them and needed to get this out of me as fast as possible.

This is set 5 years after the end of season 3.....

The brush strokes against the horse's body were soothing, it was something she had always found almost meditative. Brush Brush Brush. The process was almost a symphony at this point. Brush Brush Brush. Sara hadn't been working at Hans stable for very long. Only for the last 2 years, after school and her own graduation had passed she found herself stuck. Nothing to do, no prospects. She wasn't dumb by any means she was just lost. Simon was off coasting the world with Willhim spending their summer somewhere warm based on the postcards she had received from Italy. Felice was preparing for the next stage in her life. A prestigious culinary school in America, and that left her home alone. Luckily an advertisement had been called to her in the morning paper and since then she hasn't looked back.

“Sara, could you come back to the office for a moment?” a voice called to her from the back of the stables. The voice belonged to Hans. The owner, her boss, and at the moment one of her closest friends. Hans was a kind man, old and short. He loved horses as much as she did, something that was apparent from the start. Usually, a level-headed person the franticness with which he was moving things in his office felt more than offputting.

“Ah, Sara” Hans outstretched his hands in a beckoning motion reaching for her shoulders.”I've good news very good news. One might say the best.” His eyes held more excitement than she had ever seen before 

“Which is?” she asked 

“We have quite the guest coming today, I need you to make sure every horse is looking their best, no mistakes.” Hans quickly let go of her shoulders with a pat. His body was a dancer walking around the room putting away any messes and papers that were out of place.

“A guest?” she questioned the farm often had guests. Mostly rich folk looking to buy, or new money trying to flaunt their wealth with the buying of a horse. All in her opinion were idiots. A guest of this caliber however must have been someone big. Never had she seen Hans get so worked up.

“Yes, yes, now hurry it up They are here soon enough” Hans shooed her out of his office handing her a small broom before she left. After a few hours had passed she heard it. With the sudden approach of cars, looking out a small window she saw two very expensive vehicles. The usual rich types. From the door stepped a woman who looked like a heaven on a platter. Long legs flawless skin. She oozed radiance. From the other side of the car stepped a man. Curly dark hair. Striking blue eyes that haunted her memory from time to time. Her posture was tenser than anyone she had ever known. August had just stepped out of the car.

“I see you've noticed our guests. Can you believe it, the king has come to look for a horse at my shop” Hans came to her side also trying to look through the window. She tried plastering on her most believable smile, attempting to hide the panic that coursed through her veins.

“How about you go and get the Annbell out, she's the calmest one.”

“Of course”

The process of getting the horse out was walled from her mind. Too busy thinking about what would happen if he saw her. It had been 5 years. A long time, and yet not quite long enough for her. She walked into the barn the backs of the couple faced her as Hans expressed his gratitude at their arrival

“Ah here we are, this is one of our finest mares.” Hans reached for the reigns that were in her hands which easily were taken away as august looked at her for the first time. From her standpoint, it looked as though the air had been sucked from his body. The woman standing next to him reached forward towards the horse.

“Oh, she's just beautiful! How perfect!” Her manicured hands clasped together giddy to be near the animal. “Oh August isn't she lovely” The woman was now reaching for the reigns that were in Hans's hand. Looking back toward August for confirmation, but he hadn't stopped looking at her.

“Yes, she's perfect.” His gaze was unwavering.

“How about we get you saddled up?” Hans smiled at the young woman, and she had to admit her eagerness was endearing in a way. Like that of a child. Walking away from the groups found herself a spot against the wall. There was no point in standing there unless she was needed. Why put herself through the burning of his eyes when she could avoid them?

She leaned against the wall watching them as August watched her. A game of looking that was becoming more annoying by the second. Before he began to walk towards her. The staring she could handle but the thought of a conversation made her palms start to sweat.

“Hello” His voice was deeper than she remembered, smoother in the way his mouth formed his vowels. She kept her eyes on the ground. Realizing he wouldn't be getting a repose he moved towards her spot and let his body rest against the wall next to her 

He had the same smell. That was the first thing she noticed. That rich encompassing smell that often lingered on her clothes after she left. The only difference was that it was stronger now. Wasnt diluted by the water she often caught him filling into the bottle. He didn't need to resort to that now. He was going to be king. A king could buy as many lavish collages as he wanted, there was no fear of the money going dry. With him standing so close it felt as though she couldn't breathe. The last time they had spoken. Actually spoken to one another, she was sure she'd broken his heart. That memory flickered through her mind sometimes. His dejected eyes. Once so happy to look at her were red with tears. The way he had tried to reach for her when he first saw her. So eager to have her close even if it was just for a moment. She never wanted to make anyone feel that way again. She could feel his gaze on her head. Willing her to look at him. She stared straight ahead. Afraid that if she looked up that memory would no longer be a flicker but a burning picture in her mind.

“She's pretty.” The words had fallen out of her mouth before she could stop them. They were true, however. The woman who had accompanied him was beautiful. She had walked in with such elegance it wasn't hard to see why Augst had chosen her. He was always attracted to the richer things in life. Her elegance was however nowhere to be found as she attempted to month the horse. 

“I suppose.” August's reply was dry, it was obvious he would rather talk about anything else than his companion.

“Where did you meet?” Her speech felt slowed like she was trying to make sure this was really happening.

“Nowhere. This is our third outing, the cameras will be here in a moment. Take some pictures, then take some more. It's very logistical.” His tone had reached its typical professional level it often sounded like on the TV and only then did she look up. He had abandoned looking at her face and it gave her a moment to take his in. Still skinny, eyes now seemed to hold more weight under them. A few wrinkles here and there that showed the years that had passed between them. He took a deep breath before looking down at her. His eyes creased in a small smile. 

“You look well, I hope you are” His eyes seemed to jump everywhere on her face trying to take everything in all at once. She looked the same, she was certain of that, but the way he looked at her made her think she was someone different. Someone worthy of a second look.

“She doesn't see me. Not the way you do.” His words registered slowly in her head. She could feel the warmth of his shoulder more than ever, along with the slow inching of his pinky finger towards her hand. God she wished he would stop looking at her like that.

“Sara!” Hans's voice broke through the moment. “Come over here, help Mrs Andersson get to a trot” As she walked towards the horse she couldn't help a look back. August had resumed his tense position and had now plastered an almost cartoonish smile onto his face. From the corner of her eye, she saw a flash. The cameras had arrived. Logistical he had said and he wasn't kidding this moment felt as clinical as that word. 

It continued like that for an hour she would walk the horse in circles, the people taking photos and moving others, as they saw fit. August and the girl together, August and the girl separate, leaning on the wall, with the horse. It never ended. Until suddenly they were done. Cameras were packed, people went to their cars, and Sara was given the reigns to take the horse back into its stall. Taking one last look behind her as August led the young woman he was with out of the barn towards the cars. He was done here too. Gotten his photos, and now he had bigger things to do. She almost couldn't believe she had seen him. August Horn of Årnäs, well not of Årnäs anymore but still. It didn't quite feel real.

Brush Brush Brush back to the regular meditative motions away from thoughts of him. Brush Brush Brush. Away from thinking of them. 

“It never passed.” 

Her hand stopped its path mid-motion.

“Excuse me” She turned and there he was. Standing in that ridiculous suit that cost more than the shoes she had on her feet.

“You said it would, and it didn't. Which honestly was a greater pain in itself. I wanted to forget everything about you.”

Augu-” She had moved towards him trying to push him back through the door

“No, please Sara. Please let me say this because I don't think I'll ever get another chance.” He reached his hands toward her. Sliding his hands around her waist, gently squeezing as if making sure she wasn't a figment of his imagination.

“You were right when you said I didn't see you, but I've spent every day trying. I've looked back on who we were a million times. I spent so long trying to achieve the crown it was all I could see, but when I had it….it didn't feel the same as having you look at me and actually know who I was.” His hand enveloped the side of her face, tracing the freckles that had appeared from time in the sun willing them into his memory. He closed his eyes, leaning his head against her own. Brushing the tip of his nose against hers.

“I'm not asking you to say anything back, I just needed you to know.” Sara felt August's body unwind as he finished his sentence, the tension that covered his arms vanished as he wrapped himself around her. They stood like this for a moment and with a sharp inhale he was gone from her body again. The warmth he had wrapped her in vanished, and he passed her one last look before she left the room. She stood there for a while longer trying to memorize the places his hands had touched. How rough they had felt against her face.

Hans entered the room as she stood motionless.”Nice folks.” His words made her snap out of her stupor. 

“Oh yeah… definitely..” The brushing resumed again. Forget him her mind screamed.

“The man left this and said it was for you. A friend of yours?” Hans had flashed a small business card at her, a number engraved on the back.

She could feel the smile beginning to form on her face. August would never let her forget him. It wasn't his nature

“Maybe one day.”

[themultifandomgal]

Kelly- Trying For A Baby/Finding Out

Shit shit shit. I think to myself leaning over the toilet. I'm 5 days late, my boobs are hurting and now I'm throwing up. Taking in a deep breath I flush the toilet and stand up slowly. I need to go to the store and get a pregnancy test, so that's what I do.

When I arrive home I take the test, the next 5 minutes are the most nerve racking in my life. I sit on the toilet with Nyx's head in my lap looking at me with those damn puppy dog eyes. When the timer goes off I look down at the stick.

Positive. Shit.

I take a shaking breath in trying not to let the tears fall. I know the risks of unsafe sex, neither of us planned that night to be having sex, and I know plan b doesn't always work but I never thought it would happen to me, but here I am. I know that I'm going to keep this baby, even if I know my dad will probably disown me. I need to tell Kelly I'm pregnant, he deserves a chance to be apart of their life. Taking the test I put it in a purse and grab my car keys to make my way to the firehouse I know Kelly works at. We've been chanting over the last 3 weeks but no more than a phone call or FaceTime.

"Hi is Kelly Severide about?" I ask a woman getting out of an ambulance

"Yeah he should be inside. I'll take you in" I follow her into the firehouse "hey Severide, you've got a visitor"

"Thank you" I give a smile at the woman

"Hey YN what are you doing here?"

"Can we talk, somewhere private?"

"Sure. Follow me" I follow Kelly into an office, I guess it's is "so what's going on? Everything ok?"

"Not really no. Erm... ok I errrm... shit this is harder than I though"

"Take your time. Take a deep breath then tell me" I do as Kelly says with his arms crossed over his chest

"Kelly I'm pregnant" I almost whisper

"And the babies mine?" I just nod my head "shit" he takes a seat in his chair and rubs his face. I take out the pregnancy test and place it in front of him

"I'm sorry. I took plan b after that night, but obviously it didn't work. Look you don't have to be apart of this babies life. I just wanted to give you a choice" when Kelly doesn't say anything "I errm I'll see myself out" I sniffle, but before I get to open the door to the office I'm stopped by Kelly

"Wait" I turn around with tears in my eyes "a couple of years ago my friend Shay and I were going to have a baby together. She was killed, arson. She'd be shouting at me if I pass up an opportunity to be a dad" Kelly stands up and walks over to me and pulls me into a hug

"I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I bet she would have been a fab mom"

"She would have been. I want to be a dad to this little one... if you'll let me" I pull away and look at Kelly's face

"Of course. Thank you for not going bat shit crazy" I chuckle trying to lighten the mood a little

"No point. Not just your fault. I didn't wrap it up. I haven't asked you how your feeling? Have you got morning sickness? Aches? Any dizziness?"

"Morning sickness started today I guess, first time I threw up, boobs hurt like hell"

"Move in with me"

"I'm sorry what?" I frown, did I hear that correctly?

"Move in with me. It will make things easier, I can help you during the pregnancy and then when the babies born they won't have to go back and forth between houses. We can help one another"

"I've known you all but 3 weeks and you want me to move in with you?" I raise an eyebrow "it's not just me, I've got Nyx to think about as well"

"Let me help you. There might be days when you struggle to walk Nyx. Especially later on in the pregnancy"

"Ok, I'll think about it" the fire alarm starts to blare

"I have to go. I'll ring you later"

"Ok. Speak to you later Kelly" he gives me another hug before we both leave the office. I say goodbye to the woman who showed me in earlier and go to my car to go home.

[polaroidbills]

reciprocate.

genre! - angst angst angst, little fluff, slice of life, unrequited love

synopsis! - a story about how love isn't always perfect. about how everything ends up in tears but not always sad ones. love isn't always what your mind makes it out to be. it's full of downs, not just ups. it isn't always meant to be.

warnings! - not proof read, made at like 3 a.m, one kiss, mention of heart stabbing (lmk if i missed anything)

word count! - 1 368

author's note! - i relate so much to the main character, it's embarrassing. (minus the boyfriend part)

choi beomgyu. a classmate of mine. known as the popular, all-rounder, it boy of the 8th grade. many most would describe him as charming, attractive, funny, nice, smart, etc.

i remember the first time i laid eyes on him. his features sharp, hair framing his face, and his proportions unbelievably perfect. immediately i knew. i told myself to not fall and to force myself to look somewhere else. but i couldn't.

everyday i saw him again and again. i fell deeper and deeper, more and more. i couldn't stop myself. but i knew he never saw me as anything. i was just like every other girl. in fact, he probably doesn't even know i exist.

it was crushing my heart. to see him everytime he rakes through his hair or laughs at a friends joke. it hurt to know he could never reciprocate the same feelings.

one sided.

that's all it was. unrequited. if only he did reciprocate.

all those nights i couldn't sleep, i was busy. busy thinking about him and how it would be if he liked me back. if he noticed me.

but no. it could never happen. he's way out of my league. he's a 10, i'm a 5. we don't even belong in the same room.

as time went by my feelings grew. the school year is almost done. we're about to graduate. my feelings from the start of the year never left. i feel the same way. if not worse. i like him a lot more than before.

we ultimately end up going to the same school. and over the summer i work on myself. of course not only for him, but for me. if i think i look good maybe he will too.

i've changed over the break. from a 5 to i's say an 8.

as i walk through to doors and immediately spot him. choi beomgyu. talking to his friends. smiling and laughing.

i haven't even told my friend about him. about how i have a fat crush on him.

in class he sits next to me? since when did he know i existed? am i finally getting noticed now that i've worked on myself?

"hey."

"hi?"

"y/n right? you've changed," he exclaims shocked.

"oh yeah," i laugh. "can i help you?"

"i don't think we've ever really talked much. i want to get to know you more."

oh. the choi beomgyu wants to get to know me?

"you're friends with minji right?"

"oh yeah she's my best friend."

minji. kim minji. she's been my best friend since the 1st grade. she's everything i wish to be. pretty, smart, caring, energetic, happy, and so much more. all guys go to her. and what's worse guys only come to me to get close to her.

"what about her?"

"i was wondering if you could tell me what she likes? like does she like tulips or roses? dark or milk chocolate?"

oh. not surprised, but definitely disappointed. who am i to think the choi beomgyu would want to actually get to know me? of course he's interested in minji, who just happens to be my best friend.

"you know what why don't you just come with me to the mall? i want to make sure i get exactly what minji wants."

"oh uh okay?"

i mean sometimes, well most of the times, i glanced at beomgyu, he was looking at her. he's definitely shown interest in her multiple times, but i've just realized it now.

from that day, my heart ached and ached. it's like never ending heart burn. like someone stabs me in the heart everytime i see them together or hear them.

minji only ever really talks about beomgyu, and how amazing he and his dates are. even beomgyu comes to me sometimes, but never to actually talk to me or get to know me. no. but only to rant about how beautiful and perfect minji is. minji this, minji that.

doesn't he think i already know? out of the dozen times she's been chosen over me?

as fays go by my body and heart numb. it's like someone's put numbing cream on me and the effects never left me. one week ago me would've teared up everytime beomgyu or minji talked about each other. but present me just smiles and nods, tuning out the voices and words.

over the time me and beomgyu's friends got closer. to the point where i hang out and yalk to them more than minji. it's like they've replaced minji and i've replaced beomgyu. they don't even hang out with beomgyu much anymore. minji and beomgyu are too occupied with each other to keep around others. they're inseparable.

yeonjun and i are closer than the others but we all tolerate each other. ha.

the more i spend time with him and the other guys, the more i can forget sbout minji and beomgyu. the more i can feel and the more i can stop occupying my mind with him.

and just like that a 9-year friendship flushed down the toilet. and just like that a fat crush disappears like magic.

yeonjun and i have gone on dozens of one-on-one 'dates'. he's a great guy. a perfect guy. he's everything i've wanted and needed but more. words can't describe how much i like him.

but does he feel the same way? does he reciprocate these feelings?

it's been almost a year since the incident. a few months since i've talked to or hung out with beomgyu or minji. in fact i've never been happier. the feeling is unmatched.

i've healed. i've moved on. finally.

yeonjun and i are going on a date. i don't know where he's taking me though.

"don't look yet, we're almsot there," yeonjun's hand in mine and eyes closed he leads the way.

"okay open."

i flutter my eyes open and a beautiful view fills my vision. we're at the spot we had our first date. a hill in a field filled with greenery, sunlight, and flowers. i gaze down at the picnic blanket and basket set up.

"come sit down and eat. my mom heped me make tempura shrimp sushi. your favourite," he signals for me to sit.

"mm it's really good," i manage to say with a mouth full of sushi.

"woah calm down there's plenty more sushi for you," he laughs. the most beautiful laugh ever.

after the meal i lay down to gaze at the sky. and yeonjun follows beside me.

"i can't believe you remember this spot."

"of course i would, it was our first date," he smiles.

"y/n."

"yeah?"

"there's something i need to tell you."

my heart pounds. nervousness fills my frame.

"i like you. so much. ever since the 8th grade. but i knew you liked beomgyu. i understand if you don't fell the same way. but please y/n i just need clarity. do you or do you not like me back?"

the relief. the weight lifted from my shoulders. a sigh leaving my airway. finally.

"yeonjun of course i feel the same way. i like you too," my smiles grows more and more.

"will you be my girlfriend?"

"finally. i thought i was gonna have to ask you myself. i would love to be your girlfriend."

he brings me in for a kiss. a kiss filled with passion and love.

i mean don't get me wrong, it was no one's fault. not mine, not beomgyu's, nor minji's fault. it was just never meant to be. we weren't made for each other.

beomgyu's a great guy. attractive, smart, kind and more. but in the end we both were never supposed to be together. in the end we cry tears of joy and happiness.

to this day we still keep in touch, though we're now in university. minji and i too. we've hung out and bonded a lot. i've even come clean about my crush on him back in highschool and we laughed upon the memory. it no longer bothers me. because finally. finally i've found the one. one that feels the same. a love so strong, nothing can break the bond. a love that is requited.

someone that does reciprocate.

@1-800-143 please DO NOT copy, plagiarize, or repost any of my work.

[mytragedyperson]

Ok so not sure if this is a conspiracy theory or a headcanon but it's time to discuss Dazai and how he planned pretty much everything from at least the dragon head conflict, maybe to kill Fyodor, maybe to stop the decay of angels, or maybe because hic power secretly allows him to see the future, or multiple futures, and he wanted to stop things he didn't like.

Okay so, before we begin, this is from someone who hasn't read the manga or light novels so any information I have is coming from the anime and fanfiction, specifically YunaYamiMouto's BSD fics on AO3. I hope i've spelled that correctly. so my knowledge of these events is limited. As a result I'm not really gonna discuss these events except to say, if my information is correct, he's known about Fyodor since at least the Dragon Head conflict. There was something said in either season 4 or season 5 that i can't remember now. What I do remember is thinking, did this bitch literally have a however many year plan for this? Also I after Dead Apple, I imagine Dazai has known about Atsushi since the last time Shibasauwa was around. I feel like that was confirmed but I don't know.

So Dragon Head conflict has just ended, he's just found out about Atsushi and Fyodor and possibly the decay of Angels and he's already planning. Then he meets the Akutagawa siblings, now Ryu, as we all now, has a very destructive Abilty, and this is probably why Dazai took them in. It wasn't because he cared about them or wanted to help them, he just knew they could be used. So he the Akutagawas to the mafia, trains Ryuu, everything's going well. What I don't think he counted on was Oda and how much he'd grow to care about him. But Oda dies and with his last words asks him to help people. Dazai leaves the mafia, joins the Armed Detactive Agency, stays there for two years until rumors of a tiger terrorising Yokohama appear.

Pause, this is where my own personal headcanon comes in. In my headcanon, Dazai brought the Guild to Yokohama to make the ADA and PM work together and even the Special Abilities Division, so the tripartite system are more likely to work together when the Decay of Angels comes in. This is not canon as far as i know, but if I'm saying Dazai planned everything, you bet I mean everything. Do i care if this is wrong? No, it's just fun to consider.

So a tiger is in Yokohama, Dazai knows this is Atsushi due to previous discussions with Shibusawa. This is when he first reaches out to the Guild, telling them the weretiger can help them find the book. This causes the Guild to put the bounty on the weretiger, and thus the PM to go after Atsushi.

Now what does this accomplish? First, it brings Akutagawa and Atsushi, two people he has plans for and his two proteges together. Second, it allows the ADA and PM to actually meet and get a feel for each other's abilities. Is this a rivalry? Yes, but it allows them to grow to respect each other for their abilities. Think about it. One of the first times the PM goes after the ADA, the Black Lizard is defeated by 2 or 3 members. even if they don't like to admit it or like it in general, that's quite impressive and surely caused some respect from the PM towards the ADA to grow. Now, Dazai's plan for Akutagagwa and Atsushi. He knows his rivalry with Chuuya lead to a strong partnership between them, and hopes the same will work here, which makes sense. To have a rivalry, there has to be some level of mutual respect at least for each other's abilties even if you don't like them. And really, that's kinda what Dazai hopes will happne with the PM and ADA as well. This strong rivalry will turn into an even stronger partnership when they do have to work together. So that's season 1

All I'm saying is the Guild knew the weretiger could lead them to the book. How did they know that? How did anyone know that? So yeah, Dazai told them to start the rivalry between ADA and PM, knowing Atsushi would be able to avoid being captured and brought to them, especially if he's in the ADA.

So the Guild then comes to Yokohame to take it over and find the book. Also, I'm not saying they knew it was Dazai. If Dazai was doing this, I imagine he did it anonymously. So now, PM and ADA have a common enemy, so he goes with Fukuzawa to make the deal with Mori and, as we know, plans everything with the Moby Dick. So the ADA and PM have a temporary alliance and have successfully worked together just in time for Fyodor to turn up, and everything proceeds with canon

Dazai then goes to the newly repaired guild for the eyes of god. what deal did they make? i don't know, but with my headcanon, Dazai reveals he was the one who told them about the book, and reminds them they agreed to do him a favour in the future when he asked. Fyodor is arrested, season 4 and 5 happen. Fyodor supposedly dies, and Dazai's plan works.

I say supposedly because people in this show suck at dying and staying dead and I won't believe he's dead.

Anyway this was dumb but i can't stop thinking about it but yeah. This show has me by the throat and Fukuchi can still choke.

[whichwoods]

Hey I hope you're doing great! I was wondering about lsts:

1. Why does Lucerys get so embarassed about how horny he is for Aemond or being eaten out? The man's literally breaking down your door to worship you

2. Other than Lucerys' imposed 1 month separation, have they ever had moments where either sobered up again or made each other intentionally jealous?

3. What is the frequency of heats/ruts in the lsts universe?

4. Have they ever almost been caught during the act? My dudes are putting a lot of faith in doors for a nosey (and huge) family

5. Since they've been sleeping together for years now, have they ever had moments of wanting to spice up their sex life? (They're clearly fired up and will continue to be but 👀)

6. Idk if I forgot/missed this but did you elaborate on how they first fell into bed together?

7. Have they done joint flights on their dragons? How's the relationship between Arrax and Vhagar? (I assume Lucemond wouldn't do dragonback sex bc they're so high profile but is that even a thing in the Universe?)

Sorry my questions seem like I'm doing a phd in the fic lmao i just really adore it and love crumbs about the universe ♡

never apologize for asking questions <3 i love world-building for this series and i'm always so grateful for anything sent my way :) it helps keep me inspired!

a part of it is definitely that underlying fear that aemond simply doesn't want him as much as luke does, which is hard for him to shake 🤠 they work on it. aemond is very determined to get his point across

there are no "official" breaks outside of that one-month separation! it did take place during a critical time period though, when aemond needed to make certain decisions about where he was going to get his next degree :') and guess where he didn't choose to go!!! that changes things for a bit, even when they're "back together"

lol i feel like i've been dancing around this one a bit 😭 for young, healthy adults without any sort of suppressants let's say about twice a year, being subject to change from things like pregnancy, breastfeeding, stress, etc.

they've definitely had a few close calls!! one memorable occasion is when jace should've definitely Known Something Was Up after almost catching them in the garden after helaena and aegon's wedding, but he was too distracted (read: devastated) by other things to notice 🥲

i'm sure they try things! who knows?? we have a lot of sex to get through before the series is over :)))

i talked about their first time together very briefly here! i do have a one-shot in the works for this though <3

absolutely! truthfully most dragon-riders in the family have at this point in lsts :) arrax is fond of vhagar and usually happy to see her, often nudging at her and making noises until she snaps or roars at him to stop 🥲 vhagar finds him to be a nuisance but she likes him MUCH more than most of the younger dragons (you're right about the dragon-back sex, unfortunately. aemond's also convinced vhagar would never forgive him)

[queer-reader-07]

5 + 12 for the ask game? (:

5: who do you feel the most you around?

oh i love this question! i have a few answers because i'm indecisive like that. i feel like when i'm with my dad i can be me in a really special way. he remembers things about me that i've forgotten or was too young to remember, he knows me in a really deep way that i think only a parent can. and i see so much of myself in him, his personality and his attitudes towards life have shaped me, my mom often says that i'm like the "better, younger, prettier version" of my dad and he agrees.

my best friend, we'll call her N, and i have known each other since we were infants in daycare and i swear we imprinted on each other. i can tell her anything and i know she will listen fully and wholly and with so much love. i can be my weird, nerdy, loud self with her and she just matches the energy so. damn. well.

my friend, R, is one of my favorite people. i've only known her a few years but i could talk to her for hours and never get tired, and i feel so safe and comfortable in those conversations. she's never been weird about my being neurodivergent and all that that entails, she told me recently "i feel like you and i have had some of the deepest conversations of my life without ever looking one another in the eye" and i think that really sums it up.

and, lastly, my friend U. he is the ADHD one in our stereotypical autsitic/ADHD dynamic and when it's just the two of us we are at peak ND controlled chaos. when we would have classes together in high school it was a lot of mildly unhinged, topic jumping conversations about everything from cellular respiration to shitting on aristotle to the cool shoes he wanted to buy. he and i do this thing where we send each other videos of ourselves talking when what we want to say is too long for or can't probably be conveyed via text. and i don't think i'd ever do that with anyone else but him, and that's a testament to how comfortable and Me i feel around him. (oh, also trans solidarity in a friendship at its finest. he's my only close irl friend who's also trans and that's a special kind of closeness)

that was a lot, thank you for bearing with <3

12: how are you?

thank you for asking! i'm mostly good. currently dealing with standard (for me) anxiety. my life right now is mostly school (which i should probably be doing work for but instead i'm on tumblr) and i'm currently being faced with what is basically the first time i've ever properly struggled with math (i'm in calc rn) while also being excited by the challenge. idk it's hard to explain, but i'm doing good overall even if a bit overwhelmed.

soft asks/ask game

[arthurtaylorlester]

cecilos is a tragedy (but in the best way possible)

NOTE: this is mostly speculation and wild interpretation on my part. as a cecil kin, I should also say I might involuntarily favour cecil more than our beloved carlos bUT I DON'T MEAN TO I LOVE CARLOS ALRIGHT

after writing out my disorganised thoughts, i sectioned it out so it's easier to follow my wild train of thought

re-reading it, i don't think i captured well how exactly they are a tragedy, but if you catch my vibe, feel free to explain even better!

also it should be known i haven't actually listened to that much of year 2-3, but i have read transcripts for this posts. sorry i cant handle actually hearing the tragedy and angst

edit: some people misinterpreted my post, so I'll clarify. I don't think cecilos is unhealthy. quick scroll through my blog will prove that. what I mean by this post as a whole, is that they care very much about each other to the point that they aren't willing to change because they're scared. further edits in []

spoilers for the newer episodes and it devours

cecil and carlos, the og gay podcast ship

unlike the other two ogs jmart and jupeter, most listeners would say that they are the happy and loving relationship

BUT YOU'D BE WRONG

yeah sure, jupeter have their messy shit going on and jon acted like he hated martin for the better part of 160 episodes, not to mention the individual trauma those characters have

but the format of wtnv let's us think everything is all and swell, it is most definitely not. cecil overshares a lot, but cecil is also a bad, unreliable, questionable narrator. he's opinionated, kind of arrogant at times and very sure he is ALWAYS in the right.

so WHY do we think cecilos is healthy, in relation to other podcast ships?

cecil admittedly falls in love with carlos instantly, and carlos says the same (see: first line of carlos' monologue in ep.149 "The General" and the carlos mention in ep.111 ''Summer 2017, Night Vale, USA'')

also they get married, and have been together for 9 years. but marriage is NOT an indicator of a healthy relationship.

i've always thought of nightvale as reflection of cecil and his inner turmoil, and by extension a reflection of his relationship with carlos. night vale itself is a tragedy and i've linked to a post that sums my thoughts on it.

so ok great night vale is tragedy, but surely carlos and cecil have a open relationship and trust each other. WRONG AGAIN

cecil and carlos' do not trust each other, not in the sense that they think the other would hold it against them, but in the sense that they don't want to burden each other with their own problems.

they do, as night vale did in year 5, ignore all their problems. they're ignoring the existence of their metaphorical angels.

carlos has the phantom ocean, the university of what-it-is, his whole life before night vale, before cecil. cecil does learn to be private on air, but i find it strange that in 10 years he made 0, not even one, offhand comment about something that carlos said about his life outside of night vale. like about his family, or work, or interests.

and i think it's because cecil doesn't know. carlos never told him. and cecil never asked because, to him, it doesn't matter. after all ''The past is gone, and cannot harm you anymore''

that isn't to say that cecil is his own neat can of issues. he is a little bitch (affectionate) and has mommy issues, and wants to be there for everyone, and has a fear of being replaced. and he will not talk about it. like girl will talk about anything else. we know he has a habit of latching to people with very strong emotions, either negative (steve carlsberg, susan willman) or positive (carlos, janice)

in A Door Ajar (all parts) he is VERY insistent on trying to figure out what carlos' deal is, because he can't stand the fact that his husband doesn't want to tell him something to he (cecil) can make him (carlos) feel better. and they go to therapy. but therapy DOESN'T SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS IF YOU DON'T COMMUNICATE

as seen in ep. 201 ''The Delivery Man'' their relationship isn't in the best state, and how they might reconsider therapy.

of course, now in year 11 we're getting some good old Carlos angst.

carlos angst analysis woop

of course, the biggest elephant in the room is the Desert Otherworld.

carlos got trapped there for a year, yada yada he has tons of fun, almost gets cecil to move there and then changes his mind in the end giving up science for cecil. now there are a few things that never sat right with me about this.

he was completely willing to make cecil move to the DOW

we never got to know EXPLICITLY who carlos' letter was for

so for the first point, I guess I can understand since it was ten years for him and cecil agreed. but idk it was their 3 year together I wouldn't ask that. it just hit as I'm writing that for Carlos it was their 13th(ish) year nvm

point number 2 bothers me SO MUCH. it's generally implied and accepted that carlos gave the letter to kevin. but i don't think carlos wrote the letter with kevin in mind. the wording of how he feels is just specific enough to convince me it was for cecil.

''It’s a sad letter. A letter about regrets, about mistakes.

You know how sometimes you spend a lot of time with someone, and you think that the someone makes you happy, but then suddenly one day you realize…maybe you weren’t happy at all. Maybe both would be better off doing what you love in different places. Without each other. Maybe neither of you were as happy as either of you thought.'' - Carlos, ep. 70A ''Taking Off'

this is what carlos says in regard of his letter. I think sometime before this is how he felt about cecil. before his 10 years of research got destroyed. I am fully convinced that as carlos sat there waiting for it to load, he fully intended to breakup with cecil, tell hims to stay away and in night vale, while he continued his research for who knows how long in the DOW. all because he thought the science would make hi happier

and then he lost the research. I think that at this point carlos decided that yeah no fuck this. the ten years he spent in the DOW wasn't worth not having cecil. losing the science meant he'd have to do more. and that thought he didn't excite him

he thought he was happy because he had so much science to do, when in reality it just distracted him from the fact night vale felt as if he didn't belong

I think losing it made him realise that no he didn't enjoy the loneliness and that he wasn't willing to do it all again, this time without cecil.

carlos thought he was unhappy because he was with cecil, who actually he was sad because he wasn't with cecil for 10 years. you would develop detachment in ANY kind of long-distance relationship, nevermind how long.

carlos does come back and I think seeing cecil solidified his desire to NEVER go back to the DOW.

but the thing was that carlos values knowledge and science more than cecil (or he did at this point in the story). he actively didn't think he would go back, until after he lost his work

which brings us to It Devours.

admittedly, cecil and carlos are pretty okay in the book, but again I'll talk about carlos and the DOW.

carlos in this book is practically the opposite of how he was during year 3. he literally causes all the problems in the book without realising and tries to blame a church, the government and mysterious forces beyond our comprehension. I think he does this because the time in the DOW was generally terrible for him. yeah he has endless science, but I think it was mentally draining for him. not to mention the lack of support system. he had one bloody dude who tried to murder him, but now was obsessed with him who also looked exactly like his bf and his assistants. and dana (I think?)

now lets talk about ep. 210 ''Ten Years Later''

[unpopular opinion incoming]

cecil's gift was underwhelming. what the fuck even was that. I expected something a little more

grand, yk?

nevertheless, it's the thought that counts.

except no even the thought sucked. ''Oh congrats dear hubby you're finally part of the community after 10 years and also after you saved our town like 3973648748475836470809128477 times''

like WHAT

anyways carlos said it

''It is nice, I suppose, this piece of paper. The idea that I belong. But I did not need a piece of paper. I did not need to be told I belong to this town. Because this town belongs to me. It is an artificial set of boundaries around an arbitrary collection of objects and people, and I am one of those people. I help set those boundaries. I started contributing to the definition of this town the moment I set foot in it.'' - carlos, ep. 210 ''Ten Years Later''

[the gift was nice and cute, and I've now been informed that cecilos is building a house together, so that explains a little. but what I mean here was that since this is cecil we're talking about, I expected something else. I'm content with it nonetheless, it was hilarious]

but before he stated that cecil will never know about the ten years in the DOW and it made me so angry

like they love each other so much, they aren't willing to be honest with each other because they're scared it will hurt them.

when we all know damn well cecil won't be mad about the ten years, more-so of the fact carlos lied to him for 7 (or 17, depending on who you ask) years. carlos, according to me at least, loved science more than cecil until after the DOW. and then he was like lol no cecil and nightvale are more important. either way it's not a good look on carlos.

now lets talk about ✨cecil✨

I think that cecil's problems are often overlooked by everyone, except steve, who is the only genuinely nice person from night vale [/j]

as we know from ep. 110 ''Matryoshka'', cecil disliked steve because he felt as if he was being replaced from his role as primary caretaker/provider of abby and cecil, that primarily stemmed from their mother leaving them.

cecil has some sort of issue surrounding receiving and giving out help. clearly, abby resents him a little as the role of pseudo mother was thrust upon her at a young age. and cecil might be a little closed minded, but he isn't stupid. he probably realised that abby didn't like him as much, and that's why he tried so hard to help her and janice.

and therefore his resentment for steve; he felt as though he had to ''pay back'' abby and steve didn't let him

steve tells us in ep. 100 ''Toast'' that he hardly saw cecil out of the radio station afterwards.

so i think in the period between steve and abby's marriage and carlos arriving, cecil became a little bit of a workaholic and probably spiraled as he lacked purpose (other than the voice of night vale)

and then he saw carlos, and psa see my other post about why they fell in love instantly, and so he latched on to him.

carlos was a bit of an anchor for cecil in year one, and so he was fully honest with him. as we well know, carlos is very closed off. (NOT SAYING HE WASN'T ALSO HEAD OVER HEELS, WE KNOW DAMN WELL IT WAS INSTANT PINING)

and then they get together, and immediately get trauma zapped by strexcorp, and then carlos gets stuck in the DOW. so if you think about it, the first year they really spent together without imminent threat larger than station management or city council was year 4.

i also think he has some kind of trauma-induced amnesia, because something clearly happened to him and forests but i'll write another post about him because i've now realised that if i start writing about cecil, this post will become not only incomprehensible, but downright painful to read

thing i didn't know where to put

kevin and charles are the doubles of cecil and carlos. and their relationship isn't healthy AT ALL. you don't ask the person you just met to be a significant part of your son's life. though i suppose if this post of mine is accurate, then a similar thing could be going on here. perhaps they had donovan together in some other reality. but idk if the DOW/Desert Bluffs Too is affected by huntokar. (is the DOW a reality without night vale?)

predictions because this post was derailed by own mind

cecil's greatest flaw is his stubbornness i think, so i predict that this new arc this year is gonna have some sort of misunderstanding between carlos and cecil which leads to them not communicating even more and so leading up to the finale next june. i think huntokar will be involved somehow (stan huntokar is cecil's mom theory)

i don't think anything major will happen in the next 3-5 episodes.

closing thoughts???? i guess?

to sum it all up, cecil and carlos aren't tragic in the romeo and juliet sense, but more like they're own kind of tragedy

i'd like to call it the night vale tragedy. on all accounts, i don't think their story or even the show is going to end like a tragedy.

they are a tragedy in the sense that they're circumstances are ridiculous and they're pasts deeply upsetting, and it's that allowed them to be right in time for each other. they met at a perfect time, for cecil to get out of his spiral and find purpose and for carlos to escape whatever happened to him before nightvale.

but that initial perfection, made both of them think that if the other knew about they're insecurities they would leave/stop loving them/whatever other thing romantic gay people are sad about. i'd love if we got another condos type thing where they realise that they're relationship doesn't have to be perfect, paralleling cecil realising carlos is perfectly imperfect.

that's it, that's the post

that's it for this garbled mess on how fictional voices on my phone are tragic and sad and perfect for each other and also terrible for each other.

this is 2454 words long.

stay tuned next for even more words on a screen that you'll read late night, maybe huddled under your covers. maybe you'll insult some random kid. maybe you'll get insulted. maybe you'll read about your comfort white boys or maybe you'll read about people complain about them

next time, why cecil is the best and most misunderstood character of welcome to night vale

bye now

[walkingintheheartbreaksatellite]

Flicker Chapter 3- You And Me

My first day back home started as it usually did.

I'm back at work after a quick breakfast of coffee and I already have a busy day. It's only 5:30.

I'm currently recording for one of my own characters, working along side the director and someone I've known for years, Colleen.

"Great job, Em. I think this is good work. We can wrap this up for today. Oh, your phone is going off too."

I nod and yawn as I stretch before taking off my headphones and grabbing my coffee before making my way out of the recording booth and into the sound room. I take a seat next to her as we watch the playback and I look at my phone.

It was a text. From Niall.

Charming 'Tato💚🥔

Good morning, Em! Hope you slept well.

I'm back in LA now! Dinner? Tonight? Maybe 6:30? I'll pick you up! Unless you think I'm a crazy psycho and would rather meet me there...

I giggle at my phone and I begin to type of a reply when Colleen clears her throat, causing me to look up and see her smiling with a brow raised.

"What are you over there giggling for, missy moo?"

I bite my lip, considering my options of trying to hide or be honest and face being made fun of.

"Um... I have a date?"

Her eyes and smile widen before they drop after a second.

"Wait... did you meet them on Tinder? You know those dating apps are no good. Lots of creeps."

I giggle and shake my head.

"Actually... I met him when I was visiting my cousin. He's from Ireland but he spends a lot of his time in the UK and the states because of his job. And he's back in LA and he wants to go to dinner."

Her eyebrows stay raised and she folds her arms and I sigh.

"Colleen, it's fine. I've seen his face and we've already gone out before. We spent an entire day together. He's really sweet, definitely not a creep. So just trust me, okay?"

She sighs and nods and I go back to my phone.

Hey Niall! I slept very well, thanks! Hope you did too! Dinner tonight? Sounds great! And of course you can pick me up, I'll text you my address. Dress code?

I put my phone back down and finish up with Colleen before I head to my office to work on some scheduling. I take a seat at my desk, my phone lying face up on the other side of my keyboard when I see another message pop up.

Charming 'Tato💚🥔

Maybe a bit dressy. I got us reservations at the Providence for 6:45 and then maybe we could take a walk after we eat? The streets are covered in lights, thought it might be nice to walk along.

I smile and bite my lip, nodding to myself, and out of the corner of my eye, I see my office mate, Caitlin come in with Colleen following behind her and they close the door behind them.

I text Niall back but I can feel their eyes on me as they chat.

Sounds fun! Can't wait!

I text him my address before putting my phone down and turning my attention to my desk top.

"Did you two need something? I can feel your eyeballs burning a hole in my head."

Colleen laughs and Caitlin snickers and shakes her head.

"No, we were just talking and Colleen mentioned that you said you had a date."

I sigh and rub my eyes before turning to them.

"I know it's like hell froze over. It's still very new to me but I really like him. But I'm just waiting to see how it goes, Kay? I don't want to get my hopes up and jinx myself before anything actually happens. So when I'm ready, I'll talk about him."

They nod and then they're both quiet for a second before Caitlin brings something up.

"Did you tell Zach? Or Aleks?"

Shit.

I sigh and shake my head and they both sigh, Colleen shaking her head.

"You should at least tell Zach before he goes all over protective big brother on you. Because you know he will."

I nod and mumble to myself.

"Especially when he finds out who..."

I sigh and stand up, grabbing my phone and tucking it into my back pocket of my jeans.

"Is he still here? Guess I should go talk to him."

Caitlin nods.

"Studio 4. I think he's in there with Aleks. They're recording some extras for Justin."

I nod and thank her before waving to them, opening the door and heading over to studio 4. I quietly enter the sound room and I see Justin in there chatting with Zach and Aleks. Their attention turns to me and I give them a small smile as I close the door behind me.

Aleks gets up from his seat on the table and comes over to me, giving me a side hug.

"There you are. I was wondering when I was gonna see you since I guess I missed you at home."

I nod and purse my lips.

"Okay I'm gonna tell you guys something but you can't freak out on me. Justin, this isn't really gonna affect you but you're welcome to stay."

Justin laughs and the other to raise a brow at me and I take a deep breath before telling them.

"Okay I kind of have a date tonight and he's picking me up at home. No questions, but be nice if you happen to answer the door. Kapish?"

Aleks just nods but Zach frowns.

"Im not sure how I feel about you going on a date. How well do you even know this guy? Or girl I don't know. But how do you know they aren't a douche bag kind of person? I think-"

I clear my throat, taking a deep breath to keep my cool before responding to him.

"Zach. I love you. You're my best friend and my brother. But I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. So please trust me, okay? He's not like that, I promise. He's very kind and he's funny, he's compassionate and I like being around him and talking to him. And if things go well, he will be a constant figure in my life. And so are you. So please? Just trust me."

He sighs and nods.

"But I want to meet him and check him out first before you leave, are we clear?"

I smile and nod and he sighs and comes over to my other side, giving me a side hug.

We chat for a bit until we all part ways. The rest of the day goes by pretty fast, I record a few sessions for myself for new episode releases as well as direct a few until I finally decide to wrap it up and go home at about 4:30.

The second I get home, I put my stuff away and take a shower, making sure to shave before I get out and blow dry my hair. I slip on my robe before I leave the bathroom and head into my room, locking the door behind me so no one walks in on me changing.

I put up my hair before putting a clip in the back to hold it and then do my make up before finally getting dressed. I look down at my phone and I see the time. 6:20.

I stand up, slipping on my heels and grabbing my purse and my phone before leaving my bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I hear muffled voices in the living room as I walk down the stairs,  leaving the stairs and making my way to see who the voices belonged to.

"What are your intentions with her? I just want to make sure you're-"

"Well-"

"Please don't listen to him. He's just being an asshole. Zach you know Em's gonna kill-"

I step into the living room, and everyone goes quiet.

"Just what is going on down here?"

Zach is standing across from Niall, who looks confused, with his arms crossed and a pout on his face, meanwhile Jenny and Aleks look about ready to beat the shit out Zach.

"Zach. I thought we talked about this. You're going to stay out of this part of my life and you're going to be polite. Now apologize to Niall for whatever stupid shit you were about to say."

He sighs and Niall puts a hand on the small of my back and I turn to him to see him smiling at me.

"Emily, it's fine. He's just worried about ya, no harm done and no need fer an apology."

I sigh and turn my attention back to Zach.

"Introduce yourself. Properly."

He's quiet for a minute before he holds out a hand to Niall, his mouth remaining shut.

I sigh and shake my head and Niall's hand leaves the small of my back, shaking Zach's hand with a smile.

"I promise all of you, 'specially you Zach, I will take care of her. I like 'er very much, and I'd like to see her more. And that would mean being around all of you more, which I'd like to be. And I hope we can be friends."

Zach is quiet but he nods, Niall lets his hand go and I let out a sigh I didn't know I was holding in. Jenny takes the silence as a sign and drags Zach and Aleks out of the living room leaving Niall and I alone. I turn to him with a frown visible on my face.

"Niall, I'm so sorry about him, I don't know why he acted like that but-"

Niall shakes his head and takes my hand in his.

"Yer fine, Em. He loves ya and he means well. So don't worry about it. Now where's that beautiful smile, I've missed seein it."

I blush and give him a small smile and his widens and his eyes do as well.

"Oh! I forgot! These.. are for you!"

He holds, in his other hand, a beautiful bouquet of pink roses with baby's breath. I gasp and I can't help but smile as I feel tears threaten to spill.

"Niall.. these are beautiful."

He smiles and shakes his head.

"Not as beautiful as you. I mean look at ya. Absolutely breathtaking. You've got me speechless over here."

He spins me around to get a better look and I hear him whistle, making me blush.

"You're one to talk, you know. You look very.."

I blush and I stutter to say it, making Niall grin.

"Don't be shy around me, Em. Say it."

I groan playfully, lightly shoving his arm with my hand as he laughs.

"You look hot, okay? Very hot. To the point that I don't even understand how I'm still talking. Now, I'm gonna go put these flowers in some water and then maybe we go?"

He chuckles and nods, handing me the bouquet.

I blush and take it from him, walking over to the hutch and pulling out a vase before walking over to the kitchen. I fill the vase and trim the ends of the stems before placing the flowers in the vase and setting it at the kitchen table.

I make my way back into the living room with my bag in hand and Niall smiles and holds out a hand to me. I smile and take it and we head out of the house out to his Range Rover. He unlocks it and lets go of my hand so we can get in.

I open the passenger side door and get in, closing it behind me as Niall gets in on the drivers side. We both buckle up and he starts the car and backs out of the drive way. As he drives, we just talk about what's been going on since we last saw each other.

"How's that new project goin? Ya were tryin t' cast for it, right?"

I giggle and nod.

"Yeah, it's going pretty good. I still have a few more people to cast and then we start recording. Should be exciting!"

He turns to look at me as he drives and flashes me a smile before turning his attention back to the road.

"And what about you? You've been doing some wrap ups for the album and promo for the Voice, right? How's that going?"

His eyes stay on the road as he pulls into the parking lot of the restaurant but he nods.

"Yeah I think it's goin' pretty well. The album is set to release soon and I'm excited. I was on set today fer the voice actually and Kelly wouldn't stop teasin' me. She said I was blushing a lot and kept pokin' fun at me."

I giggle and shake my head as he laughs and parks the car.

"Oh? And why were you blushing?"

His cheeks tint ever so slightly as he turns off the car.

"I had just looked at yer text and saw ya said yes t' dinner... Got a bit excited thinkin' about seein ya..."

I blush but smile as I take his free hand in mine and he turns to me.

"I was excited to see you too. Honestly I was getting teased too. But I really am happy to see you. I um... I really couldn't wait to see you. I left work a little early because I was so excited."

Niall laughs and he smiles and lets go of my hand to open his door. He gets out and I open my door and get out as well, slinging my purse on my shoulder as I close the door. He stands behind the car and locks it and holds out his hand to me with a smile.

I walk around the car and take his hand with a smile and he laces our fingers together. Together we head inside, Niall holds the door open for me and we approach the hostess. She smiles as we come up to the stand.

"Good evening, did you have a reservation?"

Niall nods.

"Yes, it was fer Horan?"

She nods and taps on her tablet a couple time before she nods and grabs two menus. She steps out from behind the podium and gestures to us.

"If you will just follow me, we have your table ready for you, Mr. Horan."

He nods and we follow her through the dining room to our table. She places down the menus and Niall pulls out a chair for me before pulling out his own and we both sit down.

"Your server will be with you shortly to offer wine!"

Niall nods and she walks away and Niall turns his attention to me.

"So I was thinki-"

Just as he started talking, our server walks up.

"Good evening, my name is Riley and I will be your server this evening. May I start you on some wine or Champagne?”

Damn it, I can't drink here.

Niall shakes his head with a smile.

"No thank you. Could we get some water instead?"

Riley nods before they continue.

"And are we ready to order or do we still need a few minutes?"

Niall shakes his head.

"Could we have a few minutes?"

Riley nods and walks off with a smile.

We open our menus and we ultimately decide on splitting a large pasta plate. Riley comes back with our waters and we order before the walk off again. And finally, it's just us. Niall holds his hand open on the table and I take it with a smile, causing his to squeeze it.

"So I was thinkin' after dinner, we could go on a walk? The streets over here are filled with lights and it's pretty when it's dark."

I smile and nod.

"That sounds great. And Niall?"

He stops bouncing his leg and his head shoots up as he hums and I laugh a little.

"You don't have to be nervous. It's just me! Why are you shaking?"

He shrugs with a small smile.

"I've just been really excited t' see y. I really like bein' around ya and talkin' to ya... And I just want everything t' go well... I don't want t-"

Before he can finish, Riley comes over and sets a plate in between us, and it smells heavenly.

"Sorry to interrupt, would you like any cheese?"

They hold a cheese grater and Niall only nods.

They grate some cheese onto the pasta before they place down two sets of silverware.

"Enjoy! Please let me know if you need anything!"

We both nod and they walk off again. It's silent for a minute for we both let out a laugh.

"Please don't be nervous. If you want to keep seeing me, then don't be worried. The feeling is definitely mutual."

He smiles and squeezes my hand before he lets it go. He grabs a set of silverware, handing it to me and I smile as thanks before he grabs his own.

I open the napkin and place it on my lap before I take my fork in my hand and we both dig in.

I take a bite and it just melts in my mouth.

"Mm! Oh my god! I think this is the best Fettuccine Alfredo I've ever had!"

He smiles as he chews with his mouth closed and he nods in agreement. We eat for a bit when all of a sudden I hear a grunt, followed by a cold sensation running down the front of my dress and I shrivel in goosebumps.

I turn my head and there is a busser standing in front of me. He tripped... and something... not sure what, spilled down my dress, seeping through and I can feel the cold from through my bra. The busser bows slightly, seeming very apologetic.

"Oh my goodness! I am so sorry ma'am! I'm so very sorry! I guess I just tripped, I'm am so-"

I shake my head and hold a hand up to him, telling him to stop.

"Please don't apologize, it was just an accident. You're just fine. Please, don't worry about me, I'm fine. But I can see you're soaking wet. Please go make sure you're okay, as well."

He nods and bows once again, apologizing once more before he cleans up what he dropped and walks off to go clean himself up. I turn my attention to Niall, a bit embarrassed but I see worry in his eyes.

"Ya sure yer okay?"

I nod and grab his hand from under the table and lace our fingers together.

"I promise, I'm just fine. It's a bit cold but it will dry. Does it look bad?"

He bites his lip and looks down and I raise an eyebrow.

"Niall?"

He mumbles something and I can't quite hear.

"Can you please speak a little louder? Whatever it is, just say it."

He purses his lips before he nods, but still refuses to look at me.

"I- I can um... see your.. your bra..."

My face reddens and I flinch, letting go of his hand and using mine to try and cover my front.

"Oh my god this is so embarrassing..."

He shakes his head and stands up, taking off his suit coat and covers me in it.

"I'll be back in a minute. 'M gonna go pay fer dinner and then we'll go. Don't want ya' t have to sit like that anymore."

He finally looks me in the eyes and gives me a small smile as I look up at him.  I nod my head and he squeezes my shoulder before he walks off to pay for dinner. After about a minute, he comes back and I stand up, quickly slinging my purse on my shoulder before throwing his coat of my shoulders and hold it close.

Niall places his hand on the small of my back and we walk outside the restaurant. And it's pouring.

We quickly rush through the rain, with very little vision, and we make it to his car and he unlocks it before we both quickly get in. As soon as he's relaxed in his seat, Niall lets out a sigh and he slouches a little in disappointment.

"I guess there goes our walk.. god I wish something would go right.. I just wanted this t' be nice for ya..."

I shake my head and take his hand in mine.

"Niall.. I don't really care what we do. We don't have to do anything fancy, I just want to spend time with you and get to know you. I'm a simple kinda girl. We could do anything and I would be happy."

A small smile finds its way on his face and he turns to me.

"Looks like the streets are startin' to flood a bit and yer house is a bit far, mine is only 5 minutes away... and I happen t' have some drumsticks (the ice cream cone things, not chicken or those used for an actual drum) in the freezer... if yer interested. Maybe a movie too?"

I blush and bite my lip before I nod.

"I'd love to. That sounds a great way to end the night."

He blushes and nods before he starts the car, still holding my hand and he drives to his house.

We pass by a lot of expensive looking houses until we finally arrive at his. He pulls into the driveway and opens the garage with the clicker before he pulls in to the garage and parks the car before he turns it off.

He closes the garage door before he gets out and comes over to my side and opens the door for me.

I smile and get out, nodding to him as a thank you as he closes the door. He takes my hand with a smile and leads me through the large garage into the house. He leads me to the living room and takes me over to the big couch.

"It's a bit big, I know, but make yerself at home. I'll go get the ice cream and we'll watch somethin' ?"

I nod and he smiles before he lets go of my hand and disappears into the kitchen.

I take a seat on the couch and I practically sink in it. He comes back with two ice creams and takes a seat next to me on the long end of the couch. He takes off his shoes and places them on the side before he hands me my ice cream.

"Ya can take yer shoes off if ya want, stay a while. So yer feet don't hurt?"

I smile and nod and take my heels off, placing them down on the floor and then he hands me my ice cream. I open it as he turns on the tv and throw the wrapper in the nearby trash can.

"Anything in particular ya want t' watch? I was thinkin' maybe Star Wars but I wasn't sure what ya liked..."

I smile and nod.

"Star Wars sounds great. The Phantom Menace? Or A New Hope?"

He looks at me in surprise but with a smile on his face. I giggle and sit up a little.

"I have a tattoo on my thigh...hold on I think I have a picture..."

I pull out my phone and surf through my photos for a minute before I find it and turn my phone around to show him.

His eyes widen more but he's still smiling.

"Wow... definitely didn't expect that... But that looks amazing. And honestly, whichever one you want."

I giggle and his eyes soften.

"A New Hope, then?"

I smile and nod and he turns it on. I sit right next to him and as the movie starts, I feel him wrap an arm around my waist and he pulls me closer to him. I blush but I lay my head on his shoulder, allowing myself to relax into him.

I feel him reach behind him and he grabs a blanket from off the couch. He pulls it back and drapes it over the both of us. And so we watch the movie as we eat our ice cream, and somehow I've never felt more comfortable being around anyone.

Before I know it, the credits roll on the tv and I can't help but feel disappointed. I raise my head from Niall's shoulder and he gets up from the couch, walking over to a window to look outside.

"Shit!"

I raise an eyebrow and move the blanket off of me before getting up and walking over to him. I look out the window and see what he's talking about.

"Holy crap, you can't even see the road anymore! I might have to paddle my way home.."

Niall sighs.

" 'M not sure it's the best idea t' drive right now with the roads flooded... Do ya want t' stay the night? I can keep an eye on the roads and take ya home as soon as the roads clear if ya want..."

I think for a minute and all of a sudden, there's a clap of thunder and I flinch, starting to shake almost immediately. Niall wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me into his arms.

"Now why are ya shaking, hm? There's no need to be nervous... it's only me."

I giggle a little and shake my head.

"But seriously. If ya want to stay the night, yer welcome to... Ya can sleep with me.. I mean we don't have t' do anything... just sleep. O-or I've got a few guest rooms ya could use instead... And I can get ya some clothes..."

Before I can respond, there's another clap of thunder and I jump.

"U-um, I can sleep in one of the guests rooms, thank you..."

He nods and takes my hand in his. He leads me up the stairs and opens the 3rd door on the left.

We walk in and it's fairly sized for a guest room.

"Lemme go get ya a change of clothes, I'll just be a minute."

I nod and walk a bit further into the room, looking around. The bed looks freshly made with a soft blanket lying on top. Niall comes back in and he's holding a folded up, plain t shirt and a pair is sweatpants. He holds it out to me and I take it with an appreciative smile.

"Hope that's okay. I tried t' find ya something comfortable."

I shake my head.

"It's perfect, I really appreciate it. Thank you, Niall."

"The guest bathroom is right next door to us on the left and my room is the last door at the end of the hallway. If ya need anything, I'll be in there."

I nod and he smiles.

"Goodnight, I guess. Sweet dreams"

He comes in and steps towards me, before leaning in and he presses a soft kiss to my cheek.

I blush and he pulls away with a smile.

"G' night. Sweet dreams, beautiful."

I nod and he smiles and walks out of the room, and I quietly shut the door behind him. I lean against the door for a minute before finally moving and changing into the clothes he gave me. I quickly take off my dress, laying it on the nearby chair and I slip on the shirt and sweatpants.

I walk over to the bed and I get under the covers and close my eyes. I toss and turn for about a good 20 minutes but I can't seem to relax. The thunder continues to roar outside as it pours and I continue to shake.

I finally decide that I can't do it anymore. I get up from the bed, pushing the covers off before I stand up and make my way to the door. I place a hand on the knob and take a deep breath before opening it and stepping into the hallway.

I tiptoe through the dark hallway, to the last door at the end. The door is cracked open fairly wide and I can see Niall, shirtless might I add, sitting up against the headboard of the large bed with a guitar in hand. I take a quiet deep breath before softly knocking on the door frame. Niall looks up and he shoots me a smile.

"U-um... I'm sorry to bug you, b-but does that offer still stand? I-I can't seem to fall asleep."

His smile widens, full toothy grin as he nods.

" 'Course it is! Come on over!"

He reaches to the side of the bed, placing the guitar on the nearby stand as I walk over to the bed. He turns back around and pulls the covers on the left side back and he pats the spot. I sit down and as soon as I'm on the bed all the way, Niall reaches over and grabs my waist before he pulls me flush against him, so we're both sat up against the headboard.

"My god, yer shaking! What's the matter, hm? Ya seem a little tense. 'Ts not because yer around me, is it?"

I shake my head as I continue to shake.

"N-no, not you. Just the w-weather. It's the sound of t-thunder... It um.. triggers me.. I-I..”

All of a sudden, Niall leans over and presses a kiss to my forehead, and his hand moves from my waist to my back and he begins to rub my back.

"Shhhh, it's okay. Ya don't have t' tell me right now. Tell me when yer ready... Just focus on the sound of my voice..."

He continues to rub my back and I start to relax a bit. I lay my head on his shoulder and he takes the chance to press a couple kisses on the top of my head as I sniffle. The thunder continues to roar outside but it doesn't bug me anymore... I feel safe...

We quietly chat and watch some true crime documentary he had on.

"Hey... Em?"

I hum in response and lift my head up, looking at him. He bites his lip before he looks me in the eyes.

"I... really want t' kiss ya..Can.. can I do that?"

My cheeks flush and I nod. He smiles and leans in and I close my eyes, my lips slightly parted. He presses his lips to mine. They're soft and warm and it's fills my stomach with butterflies. He pulls away a little before he pecks my lips softly a few times and he finally pulls away. I open my eyes and see his cheeks are slightly tinted, as are mine.

We both let out a small giggle and I sit up straighter before turning around to face him all the way. I wrap my arms around his neck and I close my eyes, leaning in. Our lips meet and I sigh into the kiss. His hands find my waist and he wraps his arms around me, pulling me into his.

Our lips cross, again, and again until I can't breathe anymore and I pull away, panting.

Niall moves his hands back to my waist and turns me around and pulls me into his lap before he pulls me into his chest, and he sighs.

I take one of his hands and I lace my fingers through his, squeezes his hand.

"I really like ya... I'm not sure how t' explain it but being with you... I just feel.."

"Relaxed?"

He sighs contently.

"Exactly. I know we haven't been seein each other for long but I feel like I just need t' be close to ya.."

I cuddle into his chest as I relax, and I nod in understanding.

"I feel the same way.. I just feel so safe around you.. and I'm glad.. that you were my first kiss."

He squeezes my hand before he pulls me off his lap, placing me right next to him. He then scoots down the bed a little, laying his head on the pillow at the head of the bed before he takes my hand and pulls me down to him.

I giggle and he smiles as wraps his arms around my waist.

"I am too. Now I think we should get some sleep, ya have work t'morrow don't ya?"

I smile and nod, laying my head on his chest. Niall leans down and pecks my lips my lips a few times and I smile into each kiss.

"G' night beautiful."

I snuggle into his neck and sigh in content.

"Goodnight, Ni."

A hand leaves my waist as he turn out the light, but he quickly resumes his position. I shut my eyes and the pattern of his breathing lulls me to sleep.

I wake up to the sun blaring in my eyes and soft snores coming from the person next to me. Niall. I spent the night. I blink a few times, allowing my eyes to adjust to the sunlight glaring through the curtains. Niall squeezes my waist as his eyes begin to open.

He gives me a sleepy smile and I lean in, pecking his lips softly. I pull away and he hugs me close.

"God yer so addicting. I don't wanna let ya go. Do ya really have t' go to work?"

And then it suddenly dawns on me. Oh right. I have a job. My eyes widen and I quickly shoot up, my hair sticking up everywhere.

"Shit! What time is it?!"

Niall sits up and looks at the clock on his nightstand.

" It's about 9:30."

My eyes widen and I start to panic a little. I reach for my phone on the nightstand and find that I had forgotten to charge it. Shit.

"I had a recording session at 8:30... it's supposed to be a 4 hour session."

Niall nods and stands up, walking over to his large closet and shuts the door, coming out a minute later in a fresh change of clothes.

"Alright, I'll take ya home."

I nod.

"Oh wait. I should probably change back into my dress so I can return these to you."

He shakes his head.

"Keep 'em. I don't mind. And I'll get yer dress cleaned and get it back to ya. Let's just get ya home, okay?"

He holds out his hand to me and I take it with a smile. We walk out of his room and through the hallway before heading down the stairs. Once we reach the living room, I let go of Niall' hand and walk over to where I left my heals. I slip them on and grab my purse.

I walk back over to Niall and we quickly get in the car. It's about a 20 minute drive to my house, and while I'm late for work, I don't want to say goodbye. He pulls into the driveway of my house and parks his car behind mine, and we both let out a sigh.

I turn to him with a sad smile and he sighs.

"Guess I have t' let ya go now, don't I?"

I nod and lean in to peck his lips.

"I'll call you when I find some time to eat, okay?"

He pouts but he nods and I turn to get out of the car but he pulls at my arm.

"Ni-"

He grabs my cheeks and pulls me into a passionate kiss. I blush but I melt into the kiss. He pulls away with a smile and I'm left panting for air.

"Have a good day at work, don't overdo it today and make sure ya eat, okay?"

I nod and peck his lips.

"I promise. Have a good day!"

I open the car and get out before shutting the door. I blow him a kiss and I see him catch it before I run up the driveway, through the pathway and I quickly unlock the door and go inside. The second I close the door, I see Alex and Jenny on the couch watching Bluey. The sound of the door closing stirs their attention to me.

"Hi love you guys I'm late!"

"Hold on just a-"

I quickly run upstairs and into my room, locking the door behind me. I quickly change into some fresh clothes and apply deodorant and some perfume before slipping on some socks and heading back downstairs. Standing by the front door is Zach, his arms folded with a pout on his face.

"Where were you."

I groan and shake my head as I slip on my sneakers that were by the door and I grab my keys.

"None ya. Now I gotta go, I'm late for a session with Kellen. Bye!"

I quickly make my way out the door and get in my car, quickly heading to work. As soon as I get there, I quickly park and lock my car before running inside, zooming passed the front desk and running to my office to find Kellen, in my desk chair talking to Caitlin.

"I am so so sorry I'm late Kel, I'm here now and I promise it won't happen again."

He laughs and shakes his head.

"It's fine. You're here now, should we head to the studio?"

I yawn and nod and we walk over to studio 4, my stomach grumbles but I choose to ignore it.

Niall's POV

After leaving Emily's house, I felt a bit sad, especially as I saw her walk inside and close the door. I miss her...

As I pull out of her drive, I decide to pull through the Drive Thru at Starbucks, just to get some coffee and maybe a croissant and then I remembered.

Emily's work is on my way to the studio...

I pull into the drive thru and roll down my window when I get to the speaker box.

"Welcome to Starbucks, my name is Alex, what can I get started for you this morning?"

"G'mornin Alex. Could I get a venti Double Chocolate Chip frappe and um... what would ya recommend getting someone ya don't know too well yet?"

"Um I would say if they have a sweet tooth, a Caramel Ribbon Crunch frappe is always a good route to go."

"Could I get a venti of one of those, please? And then 2 Bacon Sausage Egg wraps and 2 chocolate cake pops?"

"That'll be $26.74 at the window."

"Thank you!"

I drive up to the window and quickly pay and as soon as I have everything, I drive off. After about 5 minutes, I pull into the parking lot and park in the first open spot I see. I sort through the bags before grabbing her drink and my keys, getting out of the car before locking it.

I approach the building, double checking that I'm at the right place. I would assume so since the sign says Crunchyroll HQ. I walk in and approach the young woman sitting at the front desk. She looks up and smiles at me.

"Good morning! Welcome to Crunchyroll! Do you have an appointment to see anyone?"

I shake my head.

"I'm actually here to see my um- my girlfriend? Emily?"

The woman shakes her head and starts to say something when someone interrupts.

"It's okay Jess, he's good. I'll take him."

I turn and find the owner of the voice to be Jenny. Jess nods at her and she goes back to what she was doing.

"I'll take you to her Niall. She's just doing some recording."

I smile and nod. I start to follow her and she starts a conversation.

"So did you guys have fun last night? She was in a bit of a hurry this morning so I didn't really get to talk to her."

She laughs and I nod, laughing with her.

"Yeah, I did at least. I felt bad for making her late though so I thought I might swing by on my way to the studio and bring her some breakfast."

We approach a door and she turns to face me and she smiles.

"That's sweet of you, I'm sure she'll love that! Lemme stick my head in and see if they're in the middle of recording. She always forgets to turn the light on so you never know."

I know and she quietly opens the door and sticks her head in.

Emily's POV

I've been sat in the studio, recording lines with Kellen for about 45 minutes when I hear a creak from the door. I turn my head and see Jenny poking her head in, trying to get my attention. I turn the speaker on, deciding to take a break.

"Hey Kel, why don't we take like a ten minute break?"

He nods and takes off his headphones and sets them down before he comes in to the main room and sees Jenny.

"Oh hey Jen, what's up?"

She waves and shakes her head.

"So sorry to interrupt, Em, you have a visitor, I'm gonna let him in, kay? Alright glad you said yes I'm going now."

I raise a brow in confusion, as does Kellen and Jenny disappears behind the door. The door opens again, revealing Niall. My face lightens and I stand up, walking over to him once he's inside. He holds his arms out to me and I walk into them, instantly relaxing. His arms wrap around me and I look up at him.

"Ni! What are you doing here?! Not that I'm not really happy to see you, I'm just- confused I guess.."

He laughs before he leans down and kisses my nose.

"Just felt bad fer makin' ya late, so I thought I might bring ya some coffee and breakfast on my way t' the studio."

I blush and smile but that quickly drops when I hear someone clear their throat.

Oh right. Kellen.

I blush and let go of Niall and he laughs.

"Um.. Kellen, this is Niall, my um.. friend. Niall, this is Kellen."

Kellen snorts and shakes his head.

"Yeah, you're 'friend'."

He says as he makes quotations in the air.

"It's nice to meet ya man, take care of her. She's scary when she's mad."

I scoff and the two men laugh.

"I'm gonna step out for a few minutes, leave you two be. But I'd suggest keepin the clothes on, there's cameras in here."

My face turns bright red as Kellen laughs and steps out, leaving Niall and I alone. I take his head and lead him over to the chairs by the sound equipment, and we both sit down.

He hands me a frappe and a Starbucks bag.

"Wasn't sure what ya liked so I hope this is okay."

I open the straw and plop it into the cold drink before taking a sip and sighing at the taste.

"This is perfect. This is actually my favorite drink from there."

He smiles and takes my free hand in his, squeezing it.

"That's a relief. Guess I should let ya get back to it."

I smile and set my drink down before we both stand up.

"I'll walk you out."

I grab his hand squeezing it tight and he chuckles but nods. We leave the recording room, hands held tight and we head down to the front, but Niall asks to see my office, so we make a pit stop there.

We approach my office and we walk in, Niall taking a seat on the couch before he pats the spot next to him. I giggle and sit next to him, cuddling into him. I lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes for a minute when the door and I hear a laugh. I look up to find Caitlin shaking her head.

"Totally not jinxing yourself right now."

I flip her off and she laughs and grabs something of her desk before leaving and closing the door behind her. Niall laughs and I sigh.

He stands up and holds his hand out to me and I take it with a small smile. We walk out of my office and I can't help but feel my heart break more and more the closer we get to the front. We pass by the front desk and I wave to Jess.

"Hey, I'll be back in a few minutes, if anyone is looking for me, tell them I died or something."

She snorts and nods and Niall and I walk outside.

We walk hand in hand out to his car and he unlocks it. He then turns to me and pulls me into a hug and he kisses the top of my head. I sigh and hug him back, afraid to let go. He rubs my back and kisses my head a few more times until he has to pull away and I pout.

He lifts my chin up with a finger so I'm looking into his eyes.

"Cmon, ya know ya gotta get back t' work. So do I. I don't wanna leave ya either... But I'll see ya more, okay? Can ya hang in there fer me, Petal?"

I blush and nod and he smiles and leans in, softly pecking my lips.

He lets me go and gets in his car before he rolls down the window and I lean on his car. I lean in and peck his lips one more time before I pull away and I lightly hit his car door.

"Fine, leave me if you must. Drive safe and text me when you get there?"

He nods and smiles.

"I'll call ya when I'm on my break!"

I nod and blow him a kiss before he rolls up his window and drives off.

For the rest of the day, we text back and forth, minus the phone call we had when I went and got some lunch and I fell asleep on the phone with him.

All day the next day, we continue to text, though we're both too busy to call. When I get home, I'm finally able to relax and kick my feet up to watch some tv when I get a phone call.

Incoming call from Charming 'Tato💚🥔

I smile seeing his cheesy contact name and our photo that we took on our first date.

Without even thinking, I answer and hold the phone up to my ear.

"Well hello there, handsome!"

He chuckles into the phone and I can practically hear his smile.

"Hey Petal! How's my girl doin?"

I sigh and sink into the couch at the sound of his voice.

"Much better now that I'm home and talking to you."

He chuckles and my smiles widens.

"Well, what if I asked what you were doin tomorrow after work?"

I hum and pull open my calendar to check the date.

"February 1st? I don't think I'm doing anything. Why?"

He hums through the phone before he asks another question.

"Do ya have t' work on the 2nd?"

I giggle and shake my head.

"No, now what are you planning mister?"

He chuckles into the phone.

"I wanna take ya somewhere tomorrow night. But it's in Palm Springs. And ya might want t' pack an overnight bag..."

I giggle and twirl a strand of hair around my finger as I talk to him.

"Yeah? Are you gonna tell me where we're going?"

He hums into the phone again.

"Nah. Guess yer gonna have t' be surprised. I'll pick ya up at her place at about 4? Wear somethin cute and comfy."

I smile, butterflies already starting to form in my stomach.

"Alright fine, don't tell me. You're lucky you're cute."

He lets out a loud laugh and I smile more.

"Guess I am pretty lucky then. Can't wait t' see ya Petal. But it's gettin late and you've got work in the mornin. I'll let ya go."

I smile but sigh.

"I hate when you're right. Alright, I'll go to bed, especially if I'm gonna be leaving early. Goodnight Ni."

I can practically picture his smile as he tells me goodnight and we end the call. I decide to do the wise thing and I march upstairs to my room and get right into bed, closing my eyes, anticipating seeing him again.

WC 8079

Taglist!

@be-with-me-so-happily @swiftmendeshoran @buffysimonriley @fruitmansrecs @violetsandfluff @cherryscinema

If I missed you, please let me know!

[xneontragedyx]

Accepting going ghost accepting no contact. Yeah I can honestly say I'm weak, I can't do that, I don't have anger in me anymore even though he did me really bad, I still seek validation and worthiness but he just calls me a clown with nothing to offer.

We were together living together for 2 years I've known him since 2013 he pretty much was telling everybody behind my back that I'm a dumb b**** and I am unattractive and I have a weird shaped body and I don't dress like a girl and that I'm blind and we don't have the same personality so there's no way like he can get close to me and he said I cared for you a lot which probably means he thinks that he took care of me but I was working 14 hours a day cuz I had two jobs and I was running on 5 hours of sleep and I did that for almost 2 years and he actually had romantic feelings and less full feelings for this girl Maria that he kept secret and she would show up at the apartment after he would take my daughter to school she would show up and she'd be there until like 3:00 or whatever in the apartment so he even called her attendant that he wished that like him and her like live together you know but I was the Cash cow you needed me to pay but he wanted to spend time with her and that's what he told her he's like I'm not even affection I don't even tell that girl I love her it's just true you never told me he loved me and it wasn't affectionate so yeah he pretty much was like romantic with this girl and told her you love her and said like she was his OPP or whatever like his his special person and that they were so close and that he called her beautiful like not only did he admire her body but he admires her personality and he cares for her like like okay yeah anyways he says that she's angelic and she can fly and she's a good mom like he has like so much positive things to say about this girl and like nothing but s*** talking about me because he's always comparing me to her even though I was the one but see my ass off trying to like make sure that I was putting in my part but he pretty much said that like I couldn't give him what he needed because he called me boring because I wasn't sexually satisfying him so he literally I know of three people he had with Marcy with Jezebel and with Maria I don't know who else but yeah it was consistent it wasn't like a one-time thing. he called me a cop I don't know what that means but yeah he called me a cop he called me a dog he called me desperate and he said to move on there's nothing there I keep looking for something to be there he's already moved on and that he never saw me as long term anyways he saw me a short-term because he never had those real feelings for me in the first place you never saw a future he just needed to get out of his mom's house and I was the one that was able to do that because I'm not gullible and they actually laugh behind my back because I thought that like everything was fine but it wasn't. He left me for her he actually is engaged to her or was engaged to her they actually went to Vegas to get married apparently they had a huge blowout and he said that I traumatized him because I when I found out he was cheating on me and he didn't care for me I guess I spiraled into an emotional roller coaster and he said that traumatized him like a lot and now he doesn't want to live with another woman anymore or like do that anymore and he puts the blame on me like he said out of all the memories that he's ever had like you know when you part ways with somebody he's like you or a bad memory I do not like to think about you at all he's like I still have resentments. He blocked me on everything he blocked me on everything for real. And people are like your wounded you need to heal and you need to move on you need to move forward in your life and stop dwelling on the past like it's been long enough and why would you want someone that doesn't want you like he doesn't want you why would you stay put and I don't know how to I don't know how to move forward from the pain. not to mention you got me pregnant and was like totally fine with me keeping the kid. And he proposed to me twice once without a ring and then once with a ring. And the thing is too is I think he was being romantic with me just to make fun of me behind my back with his actual friends.

[littleragondin]

i will knock you, the untamed, to sir, with love

Thank you Petri! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

I've done To Sir, With Love already

I will knock you

Favourite character: it’s Noey, really. He’s a tiny gangster with a marshmallow heart! He thinks he lives in the 70s (?) and listen to music when he’s sad! He makes little lists of what to do to woo his tutor! He’s annoying yet adorable! He’s the oldest son but the baby brother vibes are impeccable.

Funniest character: it’s Thi, my pathetic little man.

Best-looking character: ok so hm, if I really had to pick I'd say Waewdao (lady in Noey's gang) and also think that Thiw is actually pretty charming.

3 favourite ships: > Noey/Thi, I was a little lukewarm at first (for many reasons but that’s a big age gap where they are in life), but they end up so sweet and the maturity level works > Waewdao/Rayrai. We only got the tiniest crumb but how could I resist a cute girl on a motorbike getting a nerd girlfriend with an attitude?? > Noey/Thiw. They’ve been best friend forever! They cry when they fight, then they cry again when they finally reconcile! They made a gang together and they are ride or die for each other, and while I adore them as best friends, I also think it would be cute.

Least favourite character: Thi’s parents, they can gtfo with their stupid elitism and picking on a 17 years old. Like, I can grasp that you’re not super into your ~22 yo son going out with a high schooler, that’s fair, but people, take it with your son first maybe, then don’t be snobbish assholes about it.

Least favourite ship: Noey/Pam, of course. Also Noey/salt, like please child step away from the shaker, we beg you.

Reason why I watch it: it’s fun and sweet, a little over the top but it’s mostly adorable, and I love a show that sticks to its aesthetic. Plus, of course, it’s SO visually pleasing, and I also like the music.

Why I started watching it: I saw gifs of Thi with wet eyes and Noey grabbing his chin, so paired with Noey’s incredible fashion sense, I had to check.

The Untamed

this one was SO hard dlsmjqkf (ಡ‸ಡ)

Favourite character: After careful consideration, and ignoring my tendency to want to pick the least known characters I love the most just so they can shine a little… It’s Jiang Cheng. It’s the miserable tempest of a man, the Most Little Brother With a Temper, the purple whip with a soft heart, I just. I really love him. Very VERY closely followed by Song Lan, my other tragic favorite, my best man who deserved so much better.

Funniest character: The Junior Quartet is a strong favorite of course (Jingyi and Zizhen especially) BUT I think I will go with Sect Master Yao, he's just such a joke.

Best-looking character: once again, how to chose in a sea of gorgeous people in even more gorgeous robes?! (did I spend 30 min just looking at different pics of the cast? … obviously). Okay, OKAY let’s try to be reasonable! I’d say… Song Lan, Jiang Cheng, Nie Mingjue (that one took my surprise ok), Jiang Yanli, Madame Yu. Can’t do less than a top 5 ;_;

3 favourite ships: Not in order but I guess those are the one I come back to most often so > Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen. They wanted to build a sect together okay?? They wanted to save the world together! Xiao Xingchen broke his vows and offered his eyes for Song Lan, and Song Lan will roam the earth until Xiao Xingchen’s soul is whole again! They are so tragic, and they love each other and man. They own my whole heart. > Every variation of 3zuns. Happy AU, tragic canon versions, two by two or the three of them together. There is so much love and hurt and betrayal in there it’s absolutely fascinating and I could spend hours just like. Thinking about them. > Mianmian/Qin Su. Look, do they interact even for a second on screen? No. Do I think that they would have crossed path bc both are both in the Jin sect and Mianmian could have been Qin Su’s knight in shinning armor when shit goes down? Yyyyeaaaahhhh. This one is tiny but I cherish it a lot.

Least favourite character: unsurprisingly, I have nothing but contempt for Jin Guangshan. Jin Zixun is also quite the little shit.

Least favourite ship: Hu, I’m… not so sure? I am not fond of Xue Yang with any of the Yi City players, mostly (not in a reciprocated, healthy way at least). I think in “canon” there are none I really dislike.

Reason why I watch it: I like the story, and most of all I ended up very attached to all the characters. I find it beautiful to watch, it emotionally works on me super well, and here too I just love the music.

Why I started watching it: I got taken in by the beautiful robes and long hair, as well as the promise of Wangxian. I am, when it comes down to it, an easily swayed watcher lol

[the-insomniac-emporium]

for the WIP ask game >_> "Pandora's Bastion" sounds so cool!

HECK YEAH I could talk about this one for HOURS

(sorry this took a million years to post, I am easily distracted and have the memory of a foghorn)

Okay, okay, so, like, it's a weird (ish) one, which is already saying something because most of my personal projects are some degree of strange, in one form or another (probably because I've had most of these as concepts for years at this point, and most of them at least partially stem from any combination of Gender Identity, Complicated Family Dynamics, and Mental Health)

This is also one that I haven't done anything concrete for other than note-taking, but there's still a lot of stuff in my brain about it. It's legit one of my longest existing ideas! This has been cooking since 2013! Since there's a lot I can say about it, I'm going to put a 'short' summary below, then expand upon it under a read-more :3

Summary: The last (known) Earth-born human, who has given up most of their humanity to stay alive centuries after the planet's 'death' (no longer viable for human life), discovers another of the lost "sleeper ships", AKA one of the vessels that humanity used to travel to other habitable planets. Inside is only one living human, Jeremy King*, who has a small connection to the protag's family. Unfortunately, he is unable to cope with how long he has been asleep for, and becomes the novel's antagonist, desperately attempting to reassemble any remaining pieces of Earth culture/history (even if it means dismantling the systems that have been built upon those remains). His knowledge of Earth is what allows him to pose a threat to the protag. However, he does not actually realize who the protag is until the very end of the book, at which point he experiences a breakdown. Going along with the themes of the novel (elaborated on under the cut), the protag decides to 'let go' of a piece of their immortality. *working name, of no relation to the several people with that name I found just now by googling

Protag Summary: In another (several) reference(s) to various pieces of religion/mythology, the protagonist has several names. It's also important to note that their gender identity, biological features, and other identifying traits are intentionally kept vague/unknown (you'll see why later). Most commonly, they are referred to as Legion ("My name is Legion, for we are many." -Mark, 5:9), but also answers to Nobody (Odyssey my beloved), Zero, and Unison. There might have been another name I am currently forgetting. Anyway, the main reason for that goes back to their form of immortality. The actual original Legion is in a form of cryosleep at the very heart of the titular Pandora's Bastion (originally called Pandora Station, before I got worried about the online radio service and copyright). The Legion that everyone knows... is actually several dozen cybernetically enhanced clones, that are all linked together and work in, you guessed it, perfect unison.

Read-more time!

The Setting, Universe: So, when I was younger, I was kind of obsessed with the idea of having this huge, branching story taking place over thousands of years. I called it Bloodlines, and it was split into three sort of sections: The Era of Earth (from roughly modern times to eh maybe a thousand years later?), The Span of Space (the first several hundred years after humanity leaves Earth, as they become a part of intergalactic society), and The Time of Triam (everything past that). Triam being the name of one of the most important characters in the whole series/a Goddess from an important Space Religion. Now, a lot has changed over time, and I'm still debating whether or not to break things up into more universes, because of conflicting ideas. But originally, Pandora's Bastion was going to be the only story that really involved all three sections, although it primarily takes place in The Time of Triam.

The Setting: The story mainly takes place around the titular Pandora Station/Pandora's Bastion. Originally, the name was chosen simply because I liked the sound of it, but I think in some ways it has actually become pretty fitting. Pandora Station is essentially a city built on/around a huge chunk of space rock (not big enough to be considered a moon, though I've considered changing it to be one). If you've played/know about the Mass Effect series, than know that Pandora was heavily inspired by Omega, to the point where the initial version was basically just "Omega but translated into my story universe". Honestly still needs more editing. The original (in canon) purpose of the city was mining/research, but it was abandoned after the research was completed. This was all conducted by one of the non-human species from the setting. Eventually, Legion's "sleeper ship" encountered the station, and Legion (who was already on the edge of what most would consider human at that point) moved in. A couple of decades later, a group of alien mercenaries decided to build upon the pre-existing structure, being unaware of Legion's presence in the heart of the city. Over time the city became a sort of haven for mercenaries, bounty hunters, criminals, and general misfits (think Omega from ME2/3, Knowhere from Marvel, or any part of Nar Shaddaa from SW). For a few hundred years prior to the official start of the story, the station/city has mainly been controlled by one lady, currently named Caldhrik Tarakova. She serves as an anti-hero of sorts throughout the Bloodlines storyverse, and is arguably Legion's closest ally, although even she isn't aware of Legion's status as being Technically Several Dozen People With A Hivemind (at least not at the start of the story). The two of them have a deal, with Legion supplying extra security and intel, while Caldhrik makes sure nobody tries to get into the maintenance areas of the city, since that's where they chill.

Legion's Backstory (More mythology references whoooo): So, as previously stated, Legion's birth name, gender, and race are all left intentionally unstated. The purpose behind this is that they act as a sort of representative of Earth, being the last Earth-born human alive (excluding Jeremy King, but they'll outlive him). I didn't want to have any sort of awkwardness where the symbolic vision of humanity is just, like, a white guy, or something. I can't find my notes about it, but there's supposed to be some stuff that encourages the reader to see Legion as a version of themselves. Honestly, I've sometimes wondered if the story would work better as a weird multi-media thing. Anyway, Legion was born on Earth a few years before their family left Earth. At that point in the setting, Earth was already going downhill fast, and space exploration was a HUGE thing. As Earth declined, however, there was a realization that it would be easier for the big companies to abandon the planet than to help heal it (there's a whole bunch of stuff that leads up to that, but it's mainly explored in Burn-Smoke, not Pandora's Bastion). So, naturally, they start fucking off into deep space, sending dozens of massive Sleeper Ships to planets that have the most potential for life, knowing the journeys will take close to a century. While this starts, huge conflicts break out among those left scrambling on Earth. Jeremy King was one of Legion's neighbors, and was deployed in combat not long before they were born. Various countries and their governments form alliances (some of them unlikely) to create more Sleeper Ships, forming gigantic waiting lists to ensure the "important people" get off world. Legion's family is fairly lucky, managing to get their household on one of the mid-tier ships (as time went on, the ships that were made lost quality, as the available resources diminished). Because of this mixed quality, the ship initially launched with most passengers awake (as opposed to being in cryosleep, as intended). By the time they enter the cryo pods, Legion is roughly 13-15. Again because of the lower quality, not all the systems are fully automated, requiring occasional human work. As part of an agreement made by the human passengers, the ship's AI (named Prometheus) occasionally wakes up a human, trains them in maintenance, and has them be a helper for 5-10 years before selecting a new human to take their place. The humans rotate out in such a way that there are actually usually 2 people awake at once, with one starting to train their replacement. Eventually, young Legion is selected, and spends several years with a kindly stranger as a mentor, before the mentor is returned to cryosleep. Not long afterwards, there's a disastrous malfunction, caused by impact with space debris. Most of the ship's power becomes limited, and Prometheus has to hurriedly teach Legion how to access and repair equipment that is meant to be fully automated. As things worsen, the AI is forced to decide which systems to cut power to, in order to A: ensure there's enough power left to complete repairs, B: ensure Legion survives long enough to make said repairs, and C: maximize how much of the ship and it's contents will survive.

Prometheus, although very conflicted about it, ends up needing to shut off most of the power to the cryo pods. Legion is able to complete repairs and reboot the system, but by then the damage is done, with most of the other passengers dead, and the rest with little to no chances of survival. Now essentially truly alone with an AI, Legion becomes devoted to going through the ship's digital archives, which contain immense records of Earth history, culture, and scientific marvels. The mentorship between Prometheus and Legion turns into a friendship, and eventually the two end up performing a merge (Prometheus getting linked into Legion's cybernetics), which they deem necessary as part of extending their lifespan (allowing them to finish what's left of their mission). By the time Legion reaches Pandora, they're fully accustomed to having a super computer for a brain.

Rough musings on themes: The story goes over the ideas of preservation vs adaptation, exploring the difference between upholding tradition and refusing to grow. Both J.K. (Jeremy King) and Legion are desperately grasping onto pieces of the past, with J.K. tearing apart the present for it, and Legion diluting both the past and themselves in an attempt to save even the smallest fragments. At the start, neither of them are fully accepting of the fact that humanity lives on through what it has become- not just by what remains of Earth. Both of them are relics of the past, but Legion (who has no actual memories of their homeworld) acts as a representation of future generations, of the sort of Mythological Children that we talk about when discussing the legacies we'll leave behind. (that is to say- what did J.K. and his generation leave for Legion to inherit? what culture, values, what problems? what did their fear and desperation instill in the last cradle of humanity?)

Anywho/anyhoo/anyho/anyhow/anyway (all of which I am fond of saying), this is already a mountain of information that probably actually says very little, and I could (and gladly would!) talk about it for even longer. But I think this is good for now :D