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pretty-chaotic-world · 11 months

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if my BPD can scream

1. I wish i could have a normal love... but no, my brain wants to worship every little detail of you until it drives me insane

2. sorry i pushed you away i felt abandoned and suicidal

3. I’m sick of going to bed and knowing things won’t be better tomorrow

4. I'll ask you thousands times if you really love, please don't get annoyed

5. I'll create "drama" and mishaps only to feel like I'm in home

6. i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world

7. I feel numb. No tears, no anger, nothing. Just going through the same day again and again. I would rather just sleep without waking up.

8. I'm so tired of everytime one small argument or inconvenience breaks out I want to end it and self destruct, it's so draining.

9. I want to stop feeling anything and when i actually don't it breaks my heart but I can't cry it out.

10. "its all in your head" well duh where tf else is it gonna be??? in my fucking kidneys????

11. I am constantly between wanting people to care about me and wanting them not to so I can hurt myself without feeling guilty

12. Psychiatrist told me there is no cure for bpd and I've to change myself. Well why cant they just let me die then?

13. Until you live with bpd you'll never know what it's like to be too much and not enough at the same time.

14. i know im constantly too much for everyone but sometimes i just want to be enough for someone

15. if he will leave me, my next diagnosis will be of "sociopath"

16. im so jealous of all the people who see him and touch him and talk to him every single day it should be me me me me

17. oh I got my hair coloured. why? because I can't hurt myself anymore

18. "you're so distant" because you can't handle my abandonment issues.

19. My younger self disappoint me a lot. like why were you begging people to stay in your life? ohh no worries I know the answer

20. I wanna throw a plate against the wall, stab a knife through my hand, destroy my laptop with a hammer, smash my door in with an axe and spray graffiti all over the walls of my room

21. Why shouldn’t I be mad? Why can’t I just be angry and be allowed to feel it? Why can’t I burn everything down?

22. I have to watch my mouth every fucking second to make sure I don't destroy every relation I have coz apparently social life matters!!

23. Isnt it fucked up how he got away with every horrible thing he made me experience and I’m the one who has to live with myself feeling absolutely fucking worthless

24. I don't deserve food and love. im a horrible person.

25. this is how my eating cycle goes

feeling weak coz i haven't ate anything -> eat -> purge -> feeling guilty after purging -> eat more -> feeling guilty after eating so much -> cry coz you don't know what's happening

26. the diagnosis makes me believe I'm not insane just lil emo ig!! NOOOO YOU'RE INSANE

27. “don’t let it bother u” baby i’m gonna be bothered by this for the next 10 years

28. if I tell you I love you its equivalent to I can kill someone for you

29. Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurt my feelings

30. I don't dive into insecurity anymore, i drown in self-loathe

31. i shut up in between group convo coz I know I'll talk invaluable shit and nobody really cares what I say until it's psychology class

32. "if you are fully aware of yourself, why do you keep acting like that?" slapping self awareness on top of bpd only grants the ability to watch yourself self-destruct straight from the vip section thats all it does literally

33. “Where do you see yourself in the future” building a cult for mentally ill people

34. ofc I've a praise kind i was ignored as a child

35. I'm much better than I was before. you know why coz I don't to air now and don't see monsters walking by side all the time

36. No I don't want to self harm anymore I need to kill that fucking monster

37. Don't mind me, I'm just casually sabotaging all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesn't feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring

38. i don’t care i don’t care i don’t care (im going to sob my fucking eyes out)

39. “Stop making your disorder your personality” I have a fucking personality disorder for god sake

40. turning my mental illnesses into kinks and calling it the BDSM-5

41. "destroy something precious while you're in rage" ohh yeaa and then I'll do that again and again

42. what I hate most about my BPD is the fact that I have started doubting every emotion that I’ve ever felt in my life, whether it’s love, my grief through multiple traumas, or my anger, & it’s so saddening. It has actually led me to start questioning my reality.

43. if I need medication to stay alive, am I really meant to be here?

44. it's either be alone without 75% of my symptoms, or be with someone and display the most horrendous unstable awful version of myself. why do i have to choose between love & happiness or peace & stability?

45. That fucking bpd rage where everyone's voices makes you want to scream and every noise around you makes you want to sh and you're so mad you can almost feel the cuts everywhere

46. getting worked up to the point of becoming physically ill (throwing up/stomach issues etc) because you felt rejected/abandoned by your favourite person

47. i wish my trauma made me kind as everyone says but i’m becoming what i fear the most- a monster.

48. imagine getting diagnosed with a personality disorder and the only visible representation of that disorder is an animated horse man, a sociopathic sitcom character from philadelphia, and darth vader

#bpd #bpd awareness #personality disorder #borderline personality disorder #mental illness #mental health #mental instability

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bratshaws · 2 years

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goodness gracious 66. brb x oc

a/n: i really need to calm down and NOT SKIP WORDS BECAUSE OF WHAT IM PLANNING AAAAAAAAAAAAA

check out the fic's playlist made by the sweet @wiipes !!

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: fluff uwu with some sprinkle of suggestive

chapters:

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24/25/26/27/28/29/30/31/32/33/34/35/36/37/38/39/40/41/42/43/44

45/46/47/48/49/50/51/52/53/54/55/56/57/58/59/60/61/62/63/64

(pls let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!!)

taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s @roosterschanelslut @wiipes @lcahwriter @shrimping-for-all @gretagerwigsmuse @frenchtoastix

@lizzie-rdj @fanboyluvr @atarmychick007 @comebacktoearthpls

@peachiicherries @mak-32 @lizziespidiepridie @roosterswifey @ollyoxenfrees @piceous21 @sqrlgrl22 @hofficoffi @lexhalstead3

@lorilane33 @legendarydreamersharkparty @luckyladycreator2 @emilybradshaw @j-6o @louisahale @leobabbyyy @kulicny @winter-run @ktjmac @graciereads

They left Virginia Monday night, the snowstorm was finally gone and the sky was clear enough to fly safely. Beatrice couldn’t help but feel very thankful for this experience, of meeting his parents and spending time with him. She looks down at his hand clasped around her on the armrest, rubbing her knuckles with his thumb while his eyes remain on the window, checking the outside.

Her smile never faltered, instead it got bigger when they arrived back in California - both of them hurriedly removing some layers of clothing because while it was cold there it wasn’t as cold as in Virginia. Bradley’s blue Bronco finally came into view and Beatrice laughed at his soft sigh of relief upon seeing it again, opening the little gate to let Jolene out of her cage when he opened the door for the pitbull.

Before she got inside herself, she was surprised when he kissed her, hugging her close to him and completely ignoring the people coming and going from the airport. She hums into his mouth, laughing against his lips before he breaks the kiss, “I missed kissing you.” he answers her unsaid question.

“We kissed before boarding the plane and before landing.” she says and Rooster just shrugs, pressing another one but this time on her cheek. Was she really complaining? Not really, not at all. They got inside the car and Rooster drove them away from the airport, Beatrice leaning her arm back so she could pet Jolene on the back seat, scratching the pitbull under her chin.

Since it was still the middle of the week, Bradley couldn’t stay with her, something that hurt her heart a little bit but she understood completely. That didn’t mean he was planning on leaving as soon as she placed her things inside the house however, “C’mere.” He grabs her by the waist and closes the door behind her so they are both outside, the blanket of darkness shielding them from any cars that might drive by her road - not to mention he was big enough to hide her easily.

Beatrice doesn’t stop him when he leans down to bring their lips together in a kiss, hugging his neck to bring him closer, chests touching and the taste of the coffee he had at the airport still clinging to his mouth. Her cheeks turn red when he deepens the kiss, she wasn’t sure why it always happened whenever he did so, with one of his hands sliding under her gray sweater and up her back, “Mm,Brad,” she tries to say against his mouth, but it only comes out as muffled words instead.

His hand goes back down to cup her buttcheek, with the other one taking its place under her top, fingertips gently caressing her skin. She tries calling him again, choosing to cup his face and break the kiss so they could finally speak, “Brad,” she says between heavy breaths, “I know I’d love to keep this going, but we both have to sleep. You especially."

She was right. He groans quietly, eyes moving from her green irises to her lips over and over “...Fuck, you are right.” he murmurs, but he does kiss her lips one last time, a quick smack that only makes her heart beat faster, “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay.” his hands drag away from her with some difficulty, like he doesn’t want to let go just yet, “Have a good day at work.”

Bradley laughs quietly, running his hands through his hair as he backs away with his eyes still on Beatrice, “I will. I love you.”

“I love you too.” was her soft reply, waiting until he was inside the Bronco to give him one final wave, smiling sweetly at him before he drove off and disappeared from her view. Beatrice allowed herself to fall back against the door, sighing dreamily with her hands cupping her warm cheeks. That was probably one of the best days of her life and she couldn’t believe it. Her stomach churned with good nerves remembering how they spent time together, how he chose to open up more about his life and how much he loved her.

She walks back inside her house with her feet light and heart beating fast, sliding down her door into a sitting position as she still tries to wrap her head around everything that happened these past months. Jolene leapt off from the couch to check on Beatrice, dropping her huge head on her lap and looking up at her with worry, “I’m so happy Jojo.” she whispers, picking the pitbull’s head up with both hands, “I am so happy. God…can you believe this? Him? I sometimes can’t believe he’s even real, I feel like I’ll just wake up and it’d be all over, you know?”

The dog just blinks up at her, clearly not answering, “It’s been so great…and we’ll move in together in a little while! And you’ll have a nice large backyard,” that brought the dog to her feet, tail wagging rapidly, “Yes! You’ll have so much space!” Jolene bounced from side to side after that information, tongue lolling out of her mouth in a pittie smile. Beatrice grins, scratching her on the back of the head one more time then pushing herself to her feet, placing her hands on her hips as she looks around her rented house.

She was excited about this new chapter opening to her, she wouldn’t be alone in it. She was excited about what the future would bring to the two of them, excited of what they could have together and she wondered– no better not wonder about that not, wait until they are living together at least. Beatrice walks up the stairs to her bed, falling on the soft mattress with a sigh leaving her lips, her mouth curled up in a constant smile that seemed glued on her lips, never faltering or disappearing.

“To whoever sent him my way,” she whispers to the air around her, “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

She fell asleep with her clothes on, which wasn’t really comfortable but she was too tired to care, only noticing it when she blinked her eyes open and noticed her legs were stiff because of her jeans. With a quick look to her phone to check the time, she immediately kicked the covers out of her remembering she had pole dancing class and Shells would be there in a matter of minutes.

She didn’t know how but she managed to slide on her workout outfit and run down towards the door when she heard her friend knocking. Shells blinked in surprise when Beatrice yanked it open, fixing her jacket on her shoulder, “Sorry,” she said a bit out of breath, “I just passed out last night, didn’t even change clothes and I had to hurry and get dressed.”

Shells’ eyes narrowed comically, about to say something less than child friendly but the brunette just walked past her to the car. “I mean, then that meant you wasted your energy doing something huh?” Beatrice turns just in time to see Shells waggling her eyebrows. Memories of the strip poker and what happened afterwards hit her with full force and she had to look away before Shells noticed how red her cheeks had gotten. Her friend just chuckled, unlocking her car for Beatrice before they got inside.

They had a chat about how it was, the whole trip excluding the obvious details of their game past midnight. As Beatrice kept talking, she noticed Shells got serious, just nodding along instead of answering, “What’s wrong?” she asks, and the blonde huffs through her nose.

“I didn’t want to tell you this because you just came back…but I’m pretty sure I saw Eric.” The mention of her ex’s name made Bea freeze and stare with wide eyes, “Bob and I went out for dinner on friday and I saw that giant bug headed motherfucker waiting in his car for someone. I didn’t want to make a scene because of Bob but I just thought you’d want to know.”

But seeing Eric didn’t mean much, right? She even voiced it as so but her friend shook her head, “Listen, babes, I love you you are my best friend in the whole wide world and you know I’d never lie to you, but I think something is up. I think Eric plans something.” well considering how he tried to use one of Beatrice’s former classmates to spy on her and failed, would say as much “I think he’s scouting around trying to find you or something.”

Eric wasn’t violent, or anything besides verbally, but thinking he was trying to find her didn’t make her feel much better.

On the drive to the dance studio, Beatrice couldn’t help but look outside the window to the passing cars, chewing the side of her thumb. She was surprised she wasn’t…scared, nervous yes, but not scared. Her worry was slowly turning into anger at the thought of Eric suddenly deciding to find her. Who the fuck did he think he was? “Thank you for telling me.” and considering Shells’ expression at Beatrice’s words, she wasn’t expecting the brunette to sound so calm either.

“...you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Bea smiles shortly, looking back outside, “I am just digesting the information.” thinking about it again, with the adrenaline and fear dissipating into fury, she could think better. Eric would never do it himself, no he’s too good to do it himself, he’d hire someone, ask someone else to do so and then he’d show up. He’d blab slimy words and hope any of them would stick, which she knew wouldn't work, and then try gifting her something in hopes he’d win her over again with no results. “I’m not worried.”

Shells arches one eyebrow towards her, “You’re not?” Bea shakes her head, “...why? I’d be a bit iffy.”

“Because Eric is irrelevant to me now, Shells.” there was one thing that Shells wasn’t even sure if Rooster saw yet. He probably saw Bea angry but she wasn’t sure if he ever saw her friend absolutely furious. She never raised her voice, in fact she kept it monotone and sharp, like a knife ready to stab you. Beatrice had never been physical with anyone but she could easily destroy people with just her words. “He can try reaching out to me however he wants, he won’t get the response he expects.” especially since he didn’t believe Beatrice had a boyfriend now.

A boyfriend that could easily snap Eric like a twig if he so wished. But no, Bea didn’t want Rooster to get physical with Eric, because Eric’s family was pretty powerful and he could do something against Bradley that would ruin his career and Beatrice would blame herself immensely for it. If it came to a point where she’d have to talk to Eric, she’d do it alone, she wouldn’t want Rooster to get stuck in the middle of her messy ex and herself.

“Listen,I like that attitude but still.” Shells shrugs her shoulders as she parks the car, “It is a bit worrisome, isn’t it?”

“If it gets out of hand, I’ll deal with it.”

“You?You don’t plan on telling Rooster about it?”

The two of them walk past the glass doors, then up the staircase that led to the studiom, the music already playing, “I don’t want Brad to get problems because of Eric.” she says quietly, unzipping her jacket as they neared the top step, “You know his family owns I don’t know how many buildings in San Diego and LA.”

“Yeah, but didn’t his father disown him or something?” That statement made Beatrice stop one step above Shells, furrowing her eyebrows, “I went full on detective, his father took him out of the business because he wasn’t responsible enough. So…”

“Even so, I wouldn’t want to risk it.”she says, but the thought of his father taking him out of the family business…he must’ve messed up really bad for him to do that. “Besides, just because you saw him doesn’t mean he’s trying to find me.” Shells replied with a less than believable ‘hmhm’, following Beatrice inside the studio where the others were. After some quick greetings, Tiff walked in and they began their stretching, both Bea and Shells bending by the stomach and touching their toes.

“I’ve watched way too many movies about it, I think we should just beat his ass.”

“You would want that.” Bea quips, “But really…if anything happens,I’ll deal with it.”

“I think he’s just going to be dumb enough and show up when you are with Rooster.” Shells smirked, “Ooohhh, even better, during a time where we are all together.” Beatrice rolls her eyes with a soft laugh, just giving her friend an unimpressed stare, “I’m manifesting that.”

“I don’t think manifestation works like that, Shells.”

“So we can take turns beating his ass.”

Beatrice rolled her eyes one more time, smiling because she knew there was no way she could remove that idea from Shells’ mind right now. She hoped that, whatever was that Eric had planned it’d be resolved without…beating anyone up, if she just had to face Eric alone and tell him to literally ‘get the fuck out of her face’, she’d do it. She also didn’t want to bring anyone else into the mess if there was something going on which there wasn’t any proof besides Shells’ investigative skills. She did tell the blonde to let go of that now, and to not try to find Eric whenever they were out because the paranoia wouldn’t help either of them.

Shells agreed, with a bit of hesitance, when the two of them straightened themselves to continue with the class. Thankfully, Tiff was quick enough to help the brunette forget about her stupid ex beccause today - she forgot about it - was the day they’d try on the heels. Ever since Beatrice’s ligaments healed, Tiff has been careful to let her try the platforms, saying that she should try small until she feels safe enough to use the others.

Well, that was the day, finally. Because Tiff brought a box with different sized platform shoes, heels so high and sharp you could use it as a weapon if you needed to, calling everyone’s names and handing each of them a pair.

When he called Beatrice’s, the tall woman smiled, holding a black vinyl pump with the same heels that could double as an army knife, “There you go, I want you to try it on and slowly try to stand, if you don’t feel safe take them off.” Beatrice nods, holding the pair by the back straps and looking down at Shells who was putting on the transparent heels herself.

Her friend tapped the plastic platforms together,using the pole to push herself upwards and checking her balance, “Okay, it’s not so bad. Do you want me to help you?”

“Yeah, I’m going to sit down and then you can help me up?” Shells nods, crouching next to Bea in those heels made the other woman appear much taller than she actually was. Beatrice toed out her sneakers and socks, pushing them to the side before putting on the shoes. Oh she liked how they made her calves look so long. Her mind was no longer worrying about Eric, it was now thinking of the various possibilities of how she could use these new shoes with Rooster.

Beatrice holds Shells’ hands, flexing her legs as she pulls herself upwards, a sudden fear darting up her spine at the intrusive thought of her twisting her ankle and falling but thankfully it didn’t happen. Bea, who was just a few inches taller than Shells was, practically towered over her blonde friend with those heels on, “How’s it?” she hears Tiff ask, neon pink pumps on her feet clacking as she makes her way over.

Beatrice turns her legs this way and that, checking how the shoe looked on her feet, “It’s nice.” She walked the short distance from the pole to the mirrors and she couldn’t stop looking at her legs. Something about her legs with heels definitely made her feel more confident than normal, “I can walk just fine.”

“Wonderful!” Tiff exclaims clapping her hands twice to call everyone’s attention “Alright, positions everyone!”

Bradley adjusted his bag over his shoulder as he made his way out of the base,waving everyone goodbye and walking over to the Bronco. He however stops when he sees a figure outside, with her arms crossed, smiling at him, “Bea?” he immediately smiles, “Baby, what are you doing here?”

“Shells gave me a ride and I decided to surprise you.” she says, rolling her lower lip in her mouth and admiring Bradley in his usual getup of Hawaiian shirt and jeans. It didn’t matter what he wore, he looked good no matter what and it was absolutely a sin to look that good, “Are you surprised?”

“Hell yeah,” he coos, dropping his eyes down her body, admiring her choice of clothing - a red sweater and skinny jeans that showed the curves in her body beautifully - “I’m really surprised.” he leans down to kiss her lips, cupping her chin tilt her head upwards, “Mm, you are using cherry chapstick? Evil woman.” She laughs against his mouth, then pulls back to hold his hand as they make their way to the Bronco.

“You know, I might need to get you more pants like those.” she says when he walks a bit forward in front of her, dropping her eyes to the perfect outline of his ass under the tight pants. He just laughs, sending her a look over the shoulder through his sunglasses, unlocking the car to let her inside.

“So you can look at me like I am the last piece of candy in a store?” he asks when he gets on the driver’s seat, dropping his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose, smiling with his mouth getting closer, “And you want to take a bite out of me?” he was honestly so happy to see Beatrice waiting for him, what a great surprise really, even if they spent the whole weekend together it wasn’t like he didn’t miss her.

Which he did and everyone made fun of him about it but he wasn’t going to lie. That girl got him in her hands and he refused to leave.

“I might.” she giggles, meeting his lips in a sweet kiss that the pilot tried to deepen, “Remember, we are still right in front of the base.” Bradley whines, breaking the kiss with a wet smack, licking his lips to taste more of her cherry chapstick before he adjusted himself on the seat. Rooster turned the bronco on, dropping his hand on Beatrice’s thigh as he drove them away, honestly already making his way over her house without even asking.

Beatrice walked out of the car first, making her boyfriend squint his eyes at how she was acting, that little smile that always drove him insane on those full lips. She unlocks her front door, but waits for him to walk out, biting her lower lip again when he steps out, leaning his arm on the open car door and offering her a confused smirk, “I honestly don’t know what’s happening, but I have a feeling I’ll like it.”

She laughs melodically, opening the door so Jolene rushes out to greet both, slamming her body on the Bronco’s tire in her hurry to meet Rooster outside. The pilot scratched her head with both hands, then picked her up like a baby before they walked back inside, with the brunette gently pushing the door closed, “Okay,” he lowers Jolene to the ground when the pittie started to wriggle in his arms like a giant furry worm “What is that you are planning? Not that I’m upset about it.”

Beatrice smiles from the kitchen, then she crosses her arms “I just missed you.” God, someone stabbed him in the heart because he didn’t deserve her. Bradley tsks, pulling his sunglasses off to hook them on the collar of his shirt. Rubbing his jawline while following her into the kitchen, he waits a few seconds to step closer and hug her from behind.

“Hmmm,I missed you too.” he mutters with his mouth and nose buried in her hair, the lavender scent getting stronger since she probably washed earlier that day, “Is that the only reason?”

Beatrice looks at him over her shoulder, then she turns around in his arms to hug his neck, “I… called Marcus.” Marcus? Who’s Marcus– oh, the photographer. “And well,I wanted to know what he meant.”

Honestly she felt so confident about the heels that morning she just called the photographer’s number while out with Shells for boba.

Beatrice chews the side of her lip, tapping the card on the table outside the boba shop, Shells sipping hers while watching Beatrice with a curious glance, “Is he picking up?” the brunette shakes her head, “Give it a little time.”

Maybe her confidence wasn’t really reliable when it came to that, because it was slipping out of her body like it was sand. She was about to end the call when she hears the phone being picked up, “Marcus Beverly speaking, who is it?”

“Oh um,” she looks at Shells, who gives her a thumbs up for support, “I-I don’t know if you remember me, I um– you were at my friend Evelyn’s apartment, a few weeks ago? Well around December…and you um….offered me a modeling gig.”

“Evelyn’s apartme- oh! My darling muse!” Beatrice cheeks heat up immediately, “Well I am so happy to hear from you, darling! How can I help you? Are you interested in my offer?”

“I…well yes,” she pulls out one of the napkins to rip the corners one handed. “I just, what exactly will I be doing?”

She hears him walking away from an area into another that echoed his footsteps, the sound of sewing machines and clicking of cameras in the background, “Well, you’ll be part of our spring/summer collection, darling. Flowers, nature, reds and greens to bring you the joy of warmer weather.”

“So…bikinis and such?”

“Absolutely, darling. Show the world the beauty you were born in.”

Beatrice heard the voice of doubt repeating words inside her brain, telling her it wasn’t going to work, no one would want to see her body like that…only going silent when another voice, louder than the doubt, countered that someone already liked seeing her body like that. “...I…see…and um, when exactly should I uh…go there?”

“Well, the photoshoot begins February second, so we can work everything to launch the collection by the end of the month.”

“Oh…well…”

“You can visit my studio to see the clothes for yourself, darling. So you won’t be so nervous.”

She will and she’d go with Evelyn if she was able to, “O-Okay, um when can I go?”

“Anytime this week, darling. I’ll let Whitney know you are coming and she’ll let you in. Oh I must go, see you soon!”

“B–Bye.” Beatrice stutters, ending the call and dropping her phone screen first on the table, giving Shells a wide eyed stare, “...I-I think I got the gig.”

“And I just wanted to let you know, that’s all.” he was taking in the information with his eyes unreadable and his mouth closed, he was showing no negative reaction, or positive for that matter…was he upset? Maybe she should’ve talked to him before? But Bradley brought her closer to his chest, kissing her temple.

“Can I go with you?”

Oh.

“Oh um…I…I don’t know? I think I’ll have to talk to him but,” she looks up at him with her eyebrows furrowed, “Would you really want to?”

Bradley shrugs, “Honestly, I’d prefer to go instead of you going alone to meet a random guy you met weeks ago.” oh, God he was so sweet. She’s going to lose her mind.

“I was going to ask Ev to go but…well, I don’t mind if you came along.” she smiles, her cheeks reddening as she leaned up to kiss his lips, smiling against his mouth.

#bradley rooster bradshaw #rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x oc #top gun maverick #bradley bradshaw x reader

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ashe-delta · 2 years

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I am now reading this green tea bitch manhwa because it looked cute, last lesbian romance manhwa I read was Ring My Bell and I loved that shit.

This is like a half live reaction half thought out post so forgive how messy this post will be. I figured I’d try something different. It will also be long. The number in front shows what chapter the thought is on. TL;DR: It’s good and very sweet and cute. Ends a bit too early

[3] this girl is a FREAK I love her so much

[4] Oh yikes that backstory is rough I don’t know about that one chief

[5] god it’s so refreshing to just see people say “gay” after all the weird beating around the bush manga does half the time.

[6] this is an EXCELLENT reaction image I’m gonna have to use this all the time

[6] why do I have a feeling half of this is just me going “they like me fr” over and over again

[6.X] the author’s non canon bonus panels are really cute to be honest I love that they aren’t even trying to act like they won’t get together

[8] TRUE

[9] hey swinging a bit too close to home there that one hurt. yowch [9] oh they’re lesbians they’re gay oh my poor heart

[10] jesus FUCK she’s gay. Holy fuck you’re such a lesbian oh my god girl

[11] I think I just have a thing for stories about a seemingly straight person figuring out they’re gay because like Ring My Bell I find this turbo sweet

[12] Oh god. I am not immune to lesbians. holy shit. oh my god

[13] oh she’s absolutely not straight she’s fruity as fuck actually. my heart

[14] Token gay best friends in straight media are out. Gay best friends in gay mediums are my new friend

[14] THE EGGS BEEN CRACKED HOLY FUCK SHES SO HOMOSEXUAL ITS CRAZY

[15] I love her so much holy shit lol

[16] I’m going to be a puddle on the floor when this is over it’s literally over for me I can’t handle romance it’s so fucking cute

[17] oh wow she went straight to her mom that’s pretty brave. Although I guess not out of character for her. And she seems pretty cool about it too that’s fun good to see there to be no drama there.

[19] Hopeless supportive mom honestly goes so hard as an archetype

[20] oh my god. Oh my gfucking god. Hoyj god fuck shit

[22] im not okay im not okay im not okay

[23] oh my god I can’t it’s so cute

[24] this is devolving into me just squealing like a school girl every chapter over how cute it is

[25] I could just read about them being mushy for 200 chapters and I still wouldn’t get bored

[27] love that she starts as the straight person and ends up gayer than the protag

[28] I’ve had a permanent grin on my face for a while now this is so fucking cute

[29] Wait the grin is gone why does she have to have such bad parents

[30] I don’t like her mom very much

[31] I unironically hope her mom dies of a mysterious illness I can’t believe she caught the homophobia bug fuck you mom

[32] Supportive moms rule man

[34] That has got to be the most depressing time skip I’ve seen come on man

[37] The ending is kinda brutal how they had to not see each other for a whole year but I’m glad they get to finally live together in college it’s so sweet holy shit

This was very sweet and worth reading if you watch fluffy romance, I just wish the ending was a bit better because it was kinda out of tone compared to the rest of the manga (I honestly expected her to move in with her girlfriend since they seem financially well enough for it, it would make sense for the tone of the series). Regardless I fucking love lesbian romance

#personal #manga mumblings #That Time I Was Blackmailed By the Class's Green Tea Bitch #I might make a separate blog for this to be honest. This format is very fun but not fitting the typical tumblr blog much #also I realize manga mumblings doesn't work here because it's not a manga but it's a tag not a cop shut up

28 notes · View notes

italic-doing-random-shit · 10 months

Note

im too lazy to read all those questions so all of them

well fuck here we go

this took me three days-

1: Whats your biggest insecurity?

I've got three; my body(I feel too feminine), peoples true feelings in me, and my work ethic and effort

2: Biggest physical insecurity?

My chest/torso area

3: Do you like the person your becoming?

Yeah, I like the life I'm working towards is good and i can't wait to live in it

4: Whats the one thing that you thar everyone but you can do?

Actually get peoples attention irl, my voice isn't very loud

5: Do you suffer from anxiety/depression/ptsd/etc?

Yes, I used to, and I think so.

6: Where were you born?

Southern Texas, much more humid

7: What do you think people say behind your back

No good stuff, but that might be the anxiety

8: Do you look up to anyone?

Not really, most of my idols were shitty

9: What makes you feel guilty?

Do not get me started, I can start feeling guilty for someone's tone towards me

10: Boring hobby you enjoy?

Watching gaming videos

11: Do you like who you are around people

No, not really. I'm often forgotten and not included because I'm to anxious to start a conversation

12: Future plans?

Go to art school, start a comfy, domestic life

13: Tell a secret

I hate celery

14: Whats an embarrassing event your still really petty about?

I once got in trouble for involuntarily screamed during sex ed because there were pictures

15: Do you get wonderlust?

YES. EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME

16: Romantic prefernce

I prefer women/femenine people, but I am not closed to anything

17: How many parents do you have?

Four, two step and two bio

18: Do they get along?

No, not really. My dad and mom can never communicate and cause me to mediate since I was little. Plus, my step mom and dad often scream at eachother

19: Do you swear?

Fuck yeah

20: How many siblings? Relationship with them?

Four step siblings, two sisters, both older, two brothers, on older and one younger. I'm very close with my younger brother, Bold. I'm not very close with my older siblings, as they are on my dads side.

21: Ever hurt someone emotionally?

I really try not to unless they have hurt me badly enough, but I have had to turn people down.

22: Has someone hurt you emotionally?

Constantly

23: Do you believe in the afterlife?

Yeah! There's gotta be something after this!

24: What lies do you believe anyways

That my friend is straight, he sent a group chat that I was in a bunch of thirst traps

25: Do you consider yourself to be poor, average, or wealthy?

I'd consider my family to be better then average but not wealthy

26: tattoo meanings?

Id like a flower tattoo of something meaningfull, I'm not sure yet however

27: How many friend groups do you have? How do they vary?

I don't really have friend groups, but my irl friends vary so much

28: Do you work?

Not quite, I have a practicum do school however

29: do you want a partner for life?

Yes

30: Who have you never forgiven?

Nobody

31: What are you looking forward to now?

Long term: Meeting all of you and giving you all cupcakes

Short term: I'm going out of town soon

32: If there's anything you could've changed about your past, what would it be?

I wish I didn't show as much academic potential then what I truly have when I was younger. Less stress and maybe I could've been diagnosed sooner

33: favorite color

RED LOVE RED

34: Unpopular opinion

I don't like pizza, unless its hiiwain

35: Last good book you read

To kill a mocking bird, as boring as it was to read for school, it was still good

36: Favorite book

Wishtree

37: Favorite poem?

Don't have one

38: Favorite movie?

Luca

39: Favorite song?

This rotates very often, but currently, Partners in crime by Set it off

40: Favorite kind of food?

Sweet and chewy

41: What kind of food trigger your gag reflex?

No foods. But when I bone breaks and you can see the break, ill need a moment

42: What are you missing in your life

As fucking cheesy as it sounds, you guys. I don't like the majorit of people here and i need to hug you all

43:if you could chose your name—

I did, it’s Parker

44/45/46: earliest/recent/beautiful Dream you remember having?

I don’t dream

47: do you have a car?

nope! I’m not able to legally allowed to drive and I have hamaxophobia

48: are you scared of death?

nope, it happens to all of us. I just don’t want to speed up the process

50: Dream job?

I would love to create something like TADC, lackidasiy, or something like that. I’d love to create the story and work on the animation

51: are you religious?

Kinda, I grew up with a Christian belief, but I don’t affiliate with any specific religion. I believe there’s something out there, but not anything specifically.

52: how do you calm yourself?

distraction, if I get my mind off of what’s bothering me, then I’ll be fine

53: most annoying thing that happens daily

my bones popping and hurting

54: urban, suburban, or rural

Urban

55: one talent you wish you had?

I wanna play piano

56: do well or struggle in school?

depends on the class

57: speech impediment?

I have a bit of a stutter when I speak because I’m thinking to fast

58: most terrifying thing that ever happened to you?

getting outed without my consent

59: Happiest day of your life?

Meeting all of you, especially Zain

60: early, on time, or late?

yes

61: quirks?

None that I can think of, most that are visible is just me stimming

62: do you wish you could start tomorrow with a clean slate?

I mean, don’t I already do that every morning. In a sense of course

63: do you ever get paranoid?

yes quite often

64: do you believe in human souls?

kinda??? I mean, I think people are born with certain personality characteristics, but also I think it can be altered by environment

65: what’s a mistake you’ll never make again

making a chocolate pie and trusting certain people

66: what fandoms do you belong to?

utmv mainly, but I enjoy anything that you guys and gals bring me

67: Old urls

Used to be CallMeAdam, i was rotating through names I'd like to call myself, but I much prefer Parker and Italic now

68: How often do you lie?

A lot. Compulsively. Only to teachers and parents.

69: do you like the attention you get?

mostly, there’s some that I don’t like but that’s mostly irl attention

70: are you dating someone? What’s your favorite thing about them?

I am indeed! I love her confidence, but I adore everything about her

71: are you concerned about the environment?

yes

72: what stresses you out most?

Drama that gets blown out of proportion, school, going to my dads

73: credit, debit, EBT, or cash

cash. It’s much harder to track back to me

74: favorite historical figure?

I don’t know his name, but the dude who consumed his entire supply of pervirtin or however you spell it

75: what’s a movie you know is bad but enjoy anyways

Big, it’s awful but so funny

77: what’s your kink?

got a few; praise, dominance, and a few others I will only mention in private

78: what’s the on thing you don’t feel comfortable doing around friends?

there’s a lot of things, but talking is a big one

79: most prized possession?

heart necklace

80: are ever proud of yourself?

sometimes

81: do you ever tear yourself down?

yep

82: do you ever tell people how you feel?

maybe, depends

83: do you like it when people guess how you feel?

depends. If you’re wrong, im punching you(unless we’re joking around). If your right, then it make both of our lives so much easier

84: are you worried about someone close to you?

constantly, we’re all mentally I’ll and I’m way too empathetic for my own good

85: How many interview questions do you answer to yourself?

I don't exactly understand what this is asking, but I have done interviews before so just standard questions about my art work and life

86: if you could meet anyone living or dead, who would it be?

you already know who I’m going to say

87: if I had a clone of myself, and there’s not enough resources, would you get along?

most likely, im am very self sacrificing when it come to my mental and physical health

88: what kind of things confuse you

it can be anything if you try an describe it to me verbally

89: are to hot or too cold?

yes

90: What time period, other then the current one, would you like to be in

Well, probably somewhere in the 1500's,

91: what’s your sign? Does it match you?

Aquarius, and kinda

92: do you believe in astronomy?

no, but I still find it to be really interesting

93: do you like extreme activities?

some, im not very. Brave.

94: are you waiting for someone to save you?

not really, I want to save myself and bring others with me

95: can you remember the last time you had a deep connection with someone?

yeah, with panda on Sunday. It felt like talking to my future self/pos

96: do you like where you grew up?

nope! Terrible for my asthma, never felt accepted by people irl, plus a terrible problem with cis men being asshole and weird

97: favorite word

moonstruck; the incapability to be normal from being deeply enamored or in love with something or someone

98: do you think your interesting?

yeah!

99: what people do you wish knew me better?

my parents, all four of them. Maybe I’d be happier if they understood

100: are you okay?

not really, but I’m working towards being better

101: what’s been going on in your mind lately?

lotsa ideas for animations

#asks #tunny!! 🩷#Fucking christ

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winged-void · 1 year

Note

Prime numbers be upon ye, wench

2. Favorite color when you were younger, and now?

When I was younger it was the specific Scarlet associated with crayola crayons. I distinctly remember being told it was a "girl color" and I never worked out why. I wonder if it was like. because some girls are named scarlet? because of the scarlet letter? we may never know.

Now it's Cyan or Teal. love them shits.

3. Do you wear eye-shadow? What color?

I Have before but i generally don't. When i do it's always really obvious and weird so i can look weird

5. In your opinion, is love at first sight real?

that is completely inconsistent with my understanding of love I have built over the course of my 8 year relationship with my wife (and other relationships before and during). Love is not attraction, it's commitment. It's a choice you make even when the Feeling isn't there.

7. First kiss details? (If you haven’t been kissed, reply how and if you would like to be.)

I tried to kiss my (now) wife after our second date but i missed and fucked up, and they asked me if I wanted to try again and I did it.

11. What is your hair like?

Soft? Long? Blonde? it tangles easy and it hurts lots bc my skin is sensitive everywhere. If i let you touch my hair freely, you know I trust you lmao.

13. What time do you go to bed? What time do you wake up?

generally around midnight. Generally wake up around 6 or 7. supplemented with naps in the middle of the day when I am allowed. Somehow i catpilled myself into a crepuscular sleep schedule

17. Favorite game as a child?

Interesting question, could have any number of answers. I always would say Majora's mask, it was probably my favorite game from an artistic perspective. But from the perspective of which one I just liked to play? Probably like. any given pokemon? runescape? adventure quest????

19. Princess, Fairy, Mermaid, or Unicorn?

Angel<3

23. Do you dance? Slow dance?

Not generally, i got shamed a lot as a kid and its hard to overcome all that still. I did take dance classes for my wedding though, and danced there.

29. When and who was your first crush?

Uhh as far as I remember probably like. this girl named taylor in 8th grade. We had a weird awkward sort of relationship that ended when she told me we actually hadn't been dating and she was dating someone else? She then proceeded to stalk me and tell me she loved me over and over for years after that. weird shit idk

31. Are you superstitious?

No.

37. Are you quiet or loud?

it depends? is anyone one of those as a rule? I guess when I'm quiet its intentional, usually because im shy or anxious or w/e, and when I am comfy i tend to get too loud.

41. Worst fear as a kid?

Dark or heights

43. why isn't there a 43?

Idk! but i added one

47. Do you feel everything, nothing, or you don’t know what to feel?

I feel a lot. I tend to feel it on a delay. Like. I will experience something and then feel all the emotions hours or even days later

#thank u memily #love tha primes

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lehhoh7822 · 2 years

Text

I posted 3,855 times in 2022

That's 3,609 more posts than 2021!

648 posts created (17%)

3,207 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@proudfreakmetarusonniku

@ruffboijuliaburnsides

@phantoids

@journal-number-3

@las-nevadas-corporate

I tagged 1,355 of my posts in 2022

#lr likes your art - 182 posts

#dsmp - 75 posts

#ua reblogs - 47 posts

#lehhohgoeszoom - 34 posts

#cdc reblogs - 29 posts

#cw food - 29 posts

#haha - 27 posts

#yeah - 27 posts

#passing ships - 27 posts

#creb - 26 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#you know i don’t remember what an ost is but there are many people who go by ranboo and followers knowing your music taste isn’t atypical

My Top Posts in 2022:

@americans how many blazes are you getting???

i see a lot of post complaining about blazed posts but im in australia so ive gotten literally like none

15 notes - Posted September 26, 2022

you know i rewatched the whole minecraft bu the sky is eating the world thing where mr soot kept saying that he was being an iron slut

i am beign a whore for copper. i need more fucking copper. 64 of those only translate to 7 blocks (and there should be an extra one but there isn;t because... maht?)

listen I have this massive room and it’s made of snow. and copper.

16 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

“At this rate I see literally no difference between kicking your ass out of the balcony and not.” oh my god.

this is the bullshit that keeps my love of centricide going

how would one describe centricide, genuinely? EDIT: oh my god I am so sorry I forgot to mention this is a quote from the politi-girl fanfic series on ao3 sorry for forgetting to give credit to @politigirls on ao3

19 notes - Posted July 7, 2022

you know, with all this reboot stuff, i just want to say that the ccs... idk, i feel like they dont completely get how funky the fans are. they’ll be real upset that you tore away the plot and characters and storylines they drew to love with a potential of everything failing more, and many will pull away

but even more so, i think many will stay.

im not sure if they realise that dsmp is really important to a lot of people, and how upsetting it would be to have it torn away after waiting and being paitient, endless fan content and community based around a plot that essentially got “Abandoned Work: Unfinished or Discontinued” slapped on it, but its important enough that even when you mock your fans for being there, even when you fuck them over, etc, etc, they will still watch because it was so good and they care enough and hope enough that theyll keep going until you reach really really shit

yeah lol. idk man

25 notes - Posted July 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

for me specifically as a teenager who has asthma, i just. maybe its just me, but i swear it can’t be. asthma is this frustrating creature who you get very sick of very quickly. when i have an asthma attack, i might be experiencing like. physcial struggle to breathe but cognitively im just annoyed and tired, and the most emotional reaction you’ll probably get out of me is just frustration or a little bit of fear if it goes on a little bit too long.

everyone is prickish about it, when i was younger i could never participate in sport and people thought i was so lucky when everything just hurt and my head was always light and the office ladies fucking despised me. no one wants to call it a real disability (what else is it? I dare you, tell me what a disability is), it makes you scared to do things, you dont want to run that race or try that sport because you know you won’t be able to do it. you need breaks while running. inhalers are more expensive the price stacks up over time

like when i have an asthma attack, i literally cannot just breathe. that is the entire problem. i cannot do breathing exercises, it does not matter whehter or not i look you in the eyes, i need the medication for my chronic illness.

i had this whole thing where a bunch of student in primary school like year 5-6 made videos about me, mocking me and calling me asthma attack girl, and pretending to have asthma attacks to be like look at (name) and how much shes faking!! and putting them online and they got a lot of shares.

“stop doing that stupid wheezing thing and just breathe” “why are you coughing like that? don’t you want to breathe?” “look at me, no, NO, HEY, HEY, look at me and breathe in- NO NO, BREATHE in and hey no-” “you just lost control of yourself, you need to stay in control and not give in to the asthma”

like. fuck you. treat us with respect. also because your ableism is easy to clown on.

91 notes - Posted October 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

4 notes · View notes

risingroseart · 2 years

Text

I posted 37 times in 2022

24 posts created (65%)

13 posts reblogged (35%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@risingroseart

@southfarthing

@abyssanyon

@rainbowchibbit

@risingroseakira

I tagged 29 of my posts in 2022

Only 22% of my posts had no tags

#my art - 14 posts

#doodle - 12 posts

#digital art - 11 posts

#fanart - 10 posts

#risingroseart - 9 posts

#mcyt - 9 posts

#sketch - 8 posts

#critical role - 7 posts

#cr fanart - 6 posts

#critical role fanart - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 108 characters

#i know its a common choice bc tangos colors are warm so colder colorscheme is obv a good opposite to use but

My Top Posts in 2022:

You know when you have these jokes and shitposts that only you and one other person on the planet really understand?

Well I thought I would share this anyway! even though only @galaxy-minecart has the full context to this jfhgkfhg

So here's the first one. Some more Wither-Watcher Deity!Grian stuff (you can find a proper drawing of him here, since I gave up drawing him properly after my 5th redraw on this fucking meme shitpost) but he's been thrown into empires smp.

More context under the cut

[do not repost, edit, use or claim as your own] [Reblogs help the artist]

So its basically from a deity grian crossover with empires (i made this before he canonically visited the server LOL) coupled with the imo absolutely hysterical concept of Joel just refusing to believe in deities and demons and the like. I mean when Xornoth showed up, mans deadass went ''i do not see. i am looking away. Xornoth? never heard of them.'', so its probably the same with gods.

Anyway so deity!grian shows up on the server and bumps into joel and makes him his 'listener' (which does NOT mean the same thing as it does in canon watcher lore in the absolute slightest. listeners in my lore are basically followers of the watchers, and as far as i know canon listeners are against the watchers so kgkfhghg v different) but joel the small king refuses to believe (or at least admit to believe) that grian is a god so he acts like they're just ''allies''. nevermind the dread of feeling the very gaze of the universe itself befalling Joel whenever he does something Grian dislikes, no supernatural powers to be seen here, no gods in this town,,,

235 notes - Posted January 12, 2022

[Please don’t repost, use, edit, NFT, claim as your own or otherwise steal.]

Hello!! I’m alive and well.

I haven’t had much to post as most of my art has been unfinished and/or private worldbuilding stuff or figuring out people’s designs. However I have fallen into a deep critical role hyperfixation on campaign 3, Ashton’s design and Campaign 1 Percival (etc etc) de Rolo and his whitestone arc, so I’ve been doing a few doodles of some designs here and there - specifically for c3 since I’m still new to c1. This is the first proper colored one however, so yay! It’s Ashton in pretty much the same outfit Taliesin wore during Ashton’s introduction bc I haven’t been able to get that visual out of my head :] I love their laugh, whenever I hear it is when I can best visualize them in my head, it’s so distinctly their sound. Might be my now pfp, maybe! love them a lot. Also hi critters! I’m new in this corner of the internet! any fellow newbies out there? :>

[Reblogs help the artist! Comments and tags are very much appreciated as well!]

249 notes - Posted April 17, 2022

hi im rusty and not supposed to draw bc it has been a month and my hand has continuously hurt the whole time (which is also why there hasnt been any posts in a bit) but I had to do at least ONE doodle during the restream. I hope to make a "there's strength, but there's pain; There's pain, but there's strength." painting once im able but that might be a while

276 notes - Posted September 23, 2022

[Please don’t repost, trace, use, edit, steal, NFT, claim as your own, or any of that stuff.]

hi fcg’s eyes are a struggle and im still working on his design but uhhh decided to draw my beloved he/they player character duo. also yes im aware ashton’s outfit looks different in their character art but i felt like playing around with it some more :v he’s so much fun to draw.

Reblogs help the artist! Tags and comments also keep me motivated

546 notes - Posted April 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Team Rancher has my whole entire heart

Hi, hello, I'm alive and I'm Totally Normal about these two.

Wanted to post this before I get so swept up in Empires Season 2 that I forget to put this here- I saw the scene where Tango was raging and Jimmy did his best to calm him down and stop him from doing something stupid and he said that quote and this. came to me in a vision, i immediately grabbed my tablet lol. Team Rancher brainrot is real, i love that these two got put together as soulmates. cant wait for next season when theyll probably burn down desert duo's incredibly flammable base [Reblogs and Comments help the artist and are very much appreciated!]

! Do not repost, edit, steal, NFT, claim as your own, and so on and so fourth !

1,228 notes - Posted June 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #team rancher #c3e35 #cr spoilers #cr #critical role spoilers #critical role #< gotta make sure to keep the spoilers from that one post tagged

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tearstoshed4ever · 8 months

Text

the skin has startd to dry and flake

from always having it sticking out of the ground

the thing her best friends warned her about has happened

"Horrid. Positively horrid." She sighs, looking forlorn. She wants to be sad about it but somehow she knows it's just how it is. There's no use crying over it

shed begain to rot

she drys her eyes with the backs of her hands then picking up the candle pours some hot wax into her open plam

"Nothing. No pain at all" she sighed, not realizing her guardians were approaching

she wanted to get the knife from under her pillow and slash her wrists

still not noticeing them she puts down the candle gets up and goes to her bed

drawing out the knife

to lost inher own mirsty

to notice

she puts the sharp blad to her left wrist and pulls it arcross

black tarlike blood ozzes from the the cut

bringing froth the smell of rot

but once again she feels no pain

if u cut me with a knife its still the same she sniffles and begins to sob again

her tears salting the wound

Jun 28, 2021 6:49 PM

hey what the hell do u think your doing

maggot yells

starling her and making her drope the knife

Jun 28, 2021 9:49 PM

Jun 29, 2021 8:03 PM

so this is what happens if im not in your head all the time

u go and do something stupid like this

malating your pretty skin

and getting blood blood on your dress

sloppy carless stupid little goose

maggot snerred trying to hide how worryed he is

hurt embrassed and deprssed emily flopps sidways on the matresss and weeps into her pillow her bedgallged hair falling over her face

Jun 30, 2021 4:38 AM

"oh stop with all that nonsense! You're not failing you're mother. Nobody's pissed at you for leaving. They're all drunk and having a bloody good time. Do they wish you were there, yes? Do they understand why you left, yes? Don't worry about it!" Widow said

and that was enough to finally get though to her

she smiled

your right

im done moping

done crying

and done being depressed

"I'm going to take action! I'll find a husband and finally get out of here!" Emily declared

and u and maggot are coming with me

when i leave

she added

Jun 26, 2021 11:51 PM

She kissed her finger pressed it to widows head then stood up

Come on widow let’s go back to the party and have some fun

Jun 27, 2021 5:48 AM

"As you wish, dearie." Widow smiled. She was happy Emily was trying to move on. Even if she wasn't entirely happy yet, she could be way less sad.

Jun 27, 2021 11:37 AM

and with that they rejoined the party

the end

Jun 27, 2021 4:53 PM

Yay! Are you happy with how it turned out?

yes very

now we gotta do the other prequel

the bday one

Jun 27, 2021 8:27 PM

The birthday one? I've forgotten about that, what was that one about?

its gonna be a follow up to this one

its one year into her death

Oh right, I remember now.

this is where the things hinted at in the last one come in

we start with her alone in her room once again

the ally virabtes with tiny sobs

and sniffls

she sits on the stepsa buring candle in her lap

cold tears streaking down her pale blue cheeks

shes a mess

her beauful blue hair is a scarggly clumpy tangled mess

her mascura caked in the hollows of her eyes

making her look like a very pretty raccon

Jun 28, 2021 12:46 AM

Depressed, the only light she sees is the flame of the candle. She'd never notice how alive fire was. It made her jealous. "I could snuff you out right now, if I wanted." Emily tells it, her fingers coming close to the flame. But the fire is unafraid. It flickers in, as if she doesn't exist

Snilffing she boldly sticks one finger into the dancing flame

She expects to be burned, to feel any type of pain. But there's nothing. It all just feels cold. She's completely numb, everywhere but in the inside

If I touch a burning candle I can no pain

She whimpered

She try’s again with all the fingers of her right hand

Jun 28, 2021 3:55 PM

but just gets the same reselt

scwoling she looks at her left arm

though tearfilled eyes

and and hand

the skin has startd to dry and flake

from always having it sticking out of the ground

the thing her best friends warned her about has happened

"Horrid. Positively horrid." She sighs, looking forlorn. She wants to be sad about it but somehow she knows it's just how it is. There's no use crying over it

shed begain to rot

she drys her eyes with the backs of her hands then picking up the candle pours some hot wax into her open plam

"Nothing. No pain at all" she sighed, not realizing her guardians were approaching

she wanted to get the knife from under her pillow and slash her wrists

still not noticeing them she puts down the candle gets up and goes to her bed

drawing out the knife

to lost inher own mirsty

to notice

she puts the sharp blad to her left wrist and pulls it arcross

black tarlike blood ozzes from the the cut

bringing froth the smell of rot

but once again she feels no pain

if u cut me with a knife its still the same she sniffles and begins to sob again

her tears salting the wound

Jun 28, 2021 6:49 PM

hey what the hell do u think your doing

maggot yells

starling her and making her drope the knife

Jun 28, 2021 9:49 PM

Jun 29, 2021 8:03 PM

so this is what happens if im not in your head all the time

u go and do something stupid like this

malating your pretty skin

and getting blood blood on your dress

sloppy carless stupid little goose

maggot snerred trying to hide how worryed he is

hurt embrassed and deprssed emily flopps sidways on the matresss and weeps into her pillow her bedgallged hair falling over her face

Jun 30, 2021 4:38 AM

(hi, sorry I was gone yesterday. I had a rough day at work and then just went straight to sleep when I got home.) "oh maggot, that's not the way! You're being too rough on the girl!" Widow chides. Quickly she runs over to Emily, creating a web with her spindly legs and putting it on Emily's wound like a bandage. "Rough!? I'm rough! If she wasn't already dead, she would have killed herself! We can't let her harm herself like that or she'll turn to dust before we know it!" Maggot bristled.

the thought of turning to dust made emily cry even harder

Jun 30, 2021 5:03 PM

"Shh! maggot! See what you did!" Widow snaps before turning to comfort Emily. "Don't listen to him Emmy, that won't happen. You'll have to be older than an Egyptian mummy before that happens. You'll never see that far because you're going to find a nice young man before then."

i dont see how now that im fucking rotting emily sobbed sitting up

look at me she wailes thrusting her [ealing arm at them

pealing

the cut had ripped off a chuck of skin eposing the bone under nethg

more tears spill down her cheeks

Jul 1, 2021 1:15 AM

and her bottom lip quakes

"oh...oh dear, now don't cry! Uhm...perhaps the fancy ladies have something to cover it up! Perhaps needle and thread can do the trick." Widow suggested

well what about this emily whimpered getering to her stab wound that had now decayed to the point that her ribs showed

"I...I'm afraid it's too late for that, dear. But maybe the other spiders and I can repair the dress so it doesn't show?" Widow proposed. "What's the point! It would only get ruined again!" Emily wailed.

this is the wosrt fucking brithday ever she howled bursting into deep gurtter sobs

guttler

Jul 1, 2021 5:19 PM

chocking on her own tears

Jul 1, 2021 7:23 P

0 notes

scribeforchrist-blog · 8 months

Text

Embracing Change With God

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

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+ Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God

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VERSE OF THE DAY

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+ 1 Corinthians 15:51 Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed—

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** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM WAITING ON GOD

GOD HEARS MY VOICE

I AM SPECIAL TO GOD

I AM VICTORIOUS

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THOUGHTS:

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We always talk about the process and how God takes us all through a process. It doesn't matter where you are in your life; we all are still in the process, and one of the things about being in the process is we must stick closer to God. We must know that he will guide us through if we allow him; the problem is while we are going through, we keep saying why we dont deserve it or what did do wrong, or we try to get out of the process.

The more we try to escape it, the harder it'll be because we won't accept what God has placed before us. The process might seem complicated, but during this process, we will grow ,we will change, and develop into stronger children of God; the more don't go through it, the more we will become stagnant. God will not push us through just because WE DON’T WANT TO BE THERE, he will hold us into that one place until we are where we need to be.

Genesis 29:31, the Lord was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden.

Joseph was in the process , he went from being hated by his brothers, to being sold, to being accused , and then being in charge of the whole entire land of Egypt see he went through a process , he had to process the hate his brothers gave to him , he then had to process them hating him so much they sold , then he had to prcess all theses other intricate moment shappening and hold it together WITH GOD.

Jospeh could’ve been bitter and mean and cold but instead he looked past everything that could’ve happened , he didn’t allow the proces to prevent him from changing .God is working on some of you and some of you are to broken to let go ,to broken to say God help me ,but until you say God i’m broken but I want to go through the process with you,we can’t go thought it alone , we can’t do it in our strength it takes God to change us , it takes God to change the broken , it takes God to help you through your broken stage , through your angry stage ,through your hurt stage .

“Proverbs 18:51 The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, for the ears of the wise seek it out.”

God is ready to set you free but you dont want to go through the process God is saying today , I can guide you through the process, you won’t be alone in the process keep your hand in my hand , I wont leave you or forsake you, I’m the ALPHA AND THE OMEGA, I won’t let you sink; I’ll help you swim ,he said the world is trying to break you, but im trying to carry you through he said don’t look back I have been here all along.

God is saying IT’S TIME TO HEAL, it’s HEALING SEASON ,the process is a lot; it's a lot to accept but what God is saying to you is that . If I helped David through his process, dont you think I’m going to help you through yours, he said the thing is, David listened through his process; he chased me through his process, seeked me through his process, he said David had to fight Goliath ,he didn't come to Goliath with sword and shield he came to him in my name, he said when your walking through the process he said walk-in my name he said it is not what you have on your feet, it isn’t about what you wear it about walking in my name and seeking me.

1 Samuel 17:35 I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it.

You see David had to go through the process he had to learn how to rescue sheep and other animals , before he could ever rescue the big things, and people that count, It’s a process , we can’t go swimming until we learn to swim , God is trying to teach us and show us through the process but we aren’t looking and watching while he do this , the process isn’t about just going through but it’s about learning what he’s trying to teach us , what is God trying to teach you .

*** Today the process is something we all must go through, no matter where we are in life we all are going through some type of change . It’s not about the change it’s how we process the moments in it and it’s about changing and learning what God is trying to show you, Some of us are going through the same process over and over because we are learning it , we aren’t see not hearing God. Whatever your going through ask God to show you what you need to learn , pray to God and ask him and wait in his presence and he will show you great and might things. ©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

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PRAYER

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Heavenly Father , we praise you for everything, father we don’t know what your doing in our life , and sometimes it doesn’t make sense but we ask you right now to change us , and continue to help us see the sunshine through the rain we ask you to help let us see what your saying and hear your voice . Lord guide us unto YOUR TRUTH. Show us what we need to know , your word says your our shepherd please help guide your sheep. Father right now we rebuke any unseen spirit that is attaching itself to our life and blocking our process, lord we want to renounce anything and anyone standing in our way in Jesus Name Amen

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REFERENCES

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+ Isaiah 43:18-19 Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

+ Titus 3:5 He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy . He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit.

+ Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.”

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