#It's about friendship and bonds and the importance of working together with others

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

I have all of these extended thoughts on my head about the amazing way themes and character relationships are handled in Iruma-kun and the inclusion of queerness and the handling of the coming of age narrative in this shonen manga/anime

And every time all that comes out when I'm reccing it is "You should watch/read it"

Do it. Go watch/read Mairimashita! Iruma-kun/Welcome to Demon School Iruma-kun

Please.

[pinkmoonastro]

Pluto Aspects

Sun/Pluto: Dark sense of humor, attracts jealousy through the ability to learn quickly and be talented at many things, seductive, private life/double life, prefers to be in relationships, controlling, self critical, importance on achieving success and public recognition, denial about how social you actually are, obsessive, bouncing back from hardship unscathed, masking true feelings, lover of luxury, worrier, carrying the burdens of many, leaders, strategic, good at balancing multiple careers/streams of income, can work long hours, wiling to sacrifice for future gratification, beliefs being questioned/questionable, operating best with routine, helping the exiled, quiet power, domineering, leading others to the promise land, rags to riches, sharing nature, being taken advantage of, learning self worth, noticing the subtleties, standing in your power, alchemizing, appreciation of scents, restoring the balance and bringing justice, protecter, connection to night creatures, reverence.

Moon/Pluto: emotional rollercoasting, rough tides, tsunamis, delusions, misunderstood, living in the past, victim mentality, feeling intruded upon, enticing, protective, human lie detector, causing shock value with your thoughts, okay with not being everyone’s cup of tea, attracting stalkers/stalking others, a lot of haters and obsessive ppl, determined, my way or the highway, always on the go, quick witted, forgiving, misguided anger, easily triggered or triggering to others, a safe space for authenticity, youthful looking but quickly matured, problem solvers, appreciates luxury, high expectations, stressing yourself out, very strong ppl, the rock of their family, liking drama, needing to be more careful with the words spoken, lucky breaks, nurturing, creating a home that feels beautiful and comfortable, beautiful smile, soft spoken mesmerizing with your cadence, taking care of the things you own, making the old look new, hard choices, a few more restarts than most, word is bond, direct communication, seductive aura ✨

Venus/Pluto: Insecurities being obvious to others but hidden from yourself, ppl pleasing, nurturing vibe, great reader of social cues, bully/bullied, learning to understand and love your body, freedom through movement, talk of the town, being projected on a lot, resilience, cup half full mentality, big mama energy, ungratefulness, ppl trying to manipulate you through financial means, getting things taken away from you as punishment or literally being stolen from, independence, personality that grows on you, attracting jealously based on being the opposite sex’s ideal, player/overly devoted, values the connection to family, the type to plan the family get togethers, prefers to be coupled, generous and great at gift giving, hair that attracts idolization, fierce eye contact, ppl wanting to experience you without worthiness, personal space being important, careful with the people you shake hands with, being exactly what you want to be, near death experiences, night owl, protecter of children and the poor, solo traveler, taking no shit, knowing that it’s okay some bridges need to be burnt 🤷🏽‍♀️, child like innocence, friendships that stand the test of time, health conscious, healing others through food/herbs, high society, rockstar lifestyle might not make it.

Mars/Pluto: Okay with being cut throat, intimidating, power hungry, holier than thou, superiority complex, triggering insecurity in others while just existing, putting in work that will stand the test of time, legacy is of importance, it ain’t nothing to cut bitch off, knowing how to wow ppl, the defuser of situations, protecters of the weak, chameleon, popularity, rememberable first impressions, quick thinkers, great lovers, career focused, pressure to succeed, feeling you have to always be on your p’s & q’s, controlling lovers, the person others vent to, attracting ppl that feel entitled to your body/possessions, love/hate relationships, social butterfly, observant, bound by nothing, living in the moment, making the best with what you have, animal lover, would benefit from slower living, ingenuity, fashionable, hard headed, ppl trying to silence you, sprinkle sprinkle no bread crumbing is tolerated, lucky items/totem poles, optimistic, teaches lessons on how to be discerning, secret exposer, substance abuse, attempts to hold you back through evil eye, tunnel vision, seeing what needs to be said and saying it, willpower matched with child like vigor, friends and lovers that are protective over you, respected in your community/field, interested in the benefits of all, easily multiplying what you already have, water to wine type of vibe, relaxing when the work is done, knowing when to take breaks, shining bright in dark places.

Mercury/Pluto: realism view point, harsh truth, so relatable, knows better but learns the hard way, passionate speaker, musically inclined, before their time, emotional highs and lows, forgetful/selective memory, dark humor, appreciates the shock value, curse words are like icing, different just to be, thinking outside the box, creating lingo other ppl use, over explaining, paranoia, defending the vulnerable, saying what everyone is thinking, whistle blower, lovers of knowledge, constantly reinventing yourself, conspiracy theories, quick witted, solitude, dating outside of your race, cult leaders, judgmental, biting your tongue, pathological liars, self righteous, polarizing, sweet talkers, accent, making complex subjects sound easy, self critical, creating a lot of opportunity for yourself, taking journeys without a destination in mind, getting to the root of the matter, hard to reach, wise beyond your years, very knowledgeable about niche things, big dick energy, viewing something from multiple perspectives, feeling short on time/waisting time, organized, thoughtful, pouring into others, lending a helping hand/attracting those that want to help you, having to be extremely patient, smoking cigars for enlightenment, stuck on ppls mind, noticing the underlining factors, honesty off the charts, sending warning shots attacking, feelings of overwhelm by choices, defending your stance, being victorious against all odds, just so rememberable.

Jupiter/Pluto: importance on self image, Beyoncé- upgrade you, relating to others though music, greed, great investors, a need to be in first place, critical of themselves and others, perfectionism, requiring patience, materialistic, condescending, over indulgent, substance abuse, bad mouthing others, attracting leeching personality types, look but don’t touch, a lot of ppl have witnessed your transformations, co dependent, persistent, preferring not to be around the bush, learning when to walk away, big personality, topic of conversation, having to rebuild yourself repeatedly, opposites attract, quick manifestations, repeating yourself a lot, sustainable living, being able to balance many things at once, bringing offerings, community leaders, hard earned respect, learning discernment in friendships, solo travels, mentorship, feeling isolated, knowing how to use what you have, tongue like a sword, guiding the youth, transforming the mundane, unique style, taking the road least traveled, freeing yourself from sorrow, seeing the good in anyone, comforted by your bed, the same thoughts on repeat, warrior spirit, connection to horses.

Asc/Pluto: having your items end up in the lost and found, escapist tendencies, prioritizing relaxation, messy room, starting a new project before finishing the last, ppl misjudging your power, manners, sob stories/lack of accountability, fashionable, stand out in crowds, unique style, noticing the little details, valuing peace keeping, don’t mind switching things up and experimenting, self employed, viewed as lucky, ppl keeps tabs on you, being at the crossroads, rumors about your body/hygiene, protecters of their family, collecting antiques, building from scratch, learning to stay the course, loves celebrations.

Chiron/Pluto: learning only when the pain has gotten so bad, feeling like your always falling short even when you have what you perceived to want, intense feelings and relationships, what’s done in the dark coming to light, dismissive, ppl indulging in your hardships, helping others through your struggle, leading by example, survivors, learning boundaries, developing antonymy, life starting one way and ending up much differently.

[avianyuh]

Small World | Jeon Jungkook

Summary: After being ditched by your friends, your coworker Taehyung invites you to a weekend hang out at his apartment where you end up running into someone unexpected.

word count: 3k

I had avoided checking my phone all day. I knew the minute I’d inevitably skim through Instagram, I would be bombarded by pictures of my past friend group’s summer trip that I was seemingly “left out” of the planning for. Six years of friendship went to waste and I was left all throughout the month of June with nothing to do but sit on my couch, green with envy over everything I was missing out on. 

All I could do was focus on work, which was actually surprisingly easy to do since I had a few really great coworkers. One of which, going by the name of Taehyung. We both waited tables at a restaurant, which upon my move to the city after college was the only place willing to hire me as a fresh graduate with no job experience past some part time retail work in High School and university. We both bonded over feeling out of place in our twenties, banding together to “fuck our timelines” we had expected to be halfway done by our midtwenties. In reality, I learned that being an adult is harder than it looked and I look back and laugh at how diluted my version of adulthood was back when I was a teenager. 

I lived with a roommate I barely knew. Most of the conversations revolved around when the rent would be due. I was working a job that wasn’t aligned with my major and I was still single. Now, on top of everything else, it seemed like my friendships were falling apart all because I couldn’t afford the Europe summer trip, hence my friends thought I should be punished and be made to feel more broke than I already was. That’s why my growing friendship with Taehyung started to become more important. 

“I can’t believe that they would post all the highlights knowing you’re sitting at home looking at the pictures. That’s fucked up.” Taehyung shook his head in disapproval as we chatted in the break room, quickly trying to eat our meals before the dinner rush came in. “Out of all the things you’ve mentioned over the past year I’ve worked with you, this one takes the cake.” I let out a sigh of relief, hearing him agree that my friends were being inconsiderate, I felt less crazy and more validated. 

“I get that they want to post about the trip, but they didn’t even try to compromise with me when I asked them if we could pick a more budget-friendly location. They told me it was my fault I wasn’ working somewhere better by now.” I ranted, watching as Taehyung’s eyes went wide. 

“Fuck them” Taehyung said with a mouth full of sandwich. “Which friend was the one who told you to not wear green again?” I laughed, thinking back to the time I told him about a passive aggressive conversation I had with a friend from university. 

“Riley, she told me green made me look wide.” I said, with an emphasis on the word wide. 

“You want my honest opinion.” Taehyung asked, leaning in across the table. “I think you’re better off without them…they seem fake.” My eyes softened as I reached for his hand across the tiny break room table, giving it a tight squeeze. 

“Thanks Tae, that means a lot.” I said, grateful to have someone who actually understood me. Then we both stood up and tied on our work aprons before starting our shifts. 

After a few hours of enduring some nice people out to eat with friends, family or alone, and of course the nasty, cranky crowd, I was officially exhausted and ready to clock out. “Heading home?” I asked Taehyung who was standing behind me as I finished punching out. 

“Yeah, I’m ready to just wash my face and go to bed. My feet are killing me.” He complained as he also punched out. We always walked out together if we were working the same shift. Most of the staff had already left, but we tried to wait for each other most nights. I threw my bag over my shoulder and pulled out my metrocard as we both headed down the sidewalk toward the subway. “Oh by the way, I’m having a little get together on Saturday night if you’re interested?” Taehyung piped up as we neared the corner, getting closer to the landmark we’d usually go our separate ways. 

“Really? That sounds fun, I don’t think I’m doing anything that night so maybe I’ll come.” I answered, trying to rake through my mind on any prior engagements I may have already signed up for on Saturday. 

“Well, I hope you can make it. It’ll just be a few of my friends, a lot of those artsy types I keep telling you about.” I smiled, Taehyung was very into anything artistic, frequently blowing money meant for his savings on paintings from artists around the city. He always backed up the purchase by saying he needed to support other struggling people. Taehyung’s ultimate goal was to sustain himself off of his own art one day, and eventually stop waiting tables. I really wished that he’d sucker some rich guy into buying one of his pieces one day so he’d never have to work another day in his life. An ex boyfriend I had dated back in High School was also pretty artsy, but he took the musical route. I spent many nights in his room watching him play guitar, or sing to me while we were driving somewhere. We broke up right before graduation after he told me he was moving to LA with a few of his friends, in search of getting signed. I hadn’t heard from him in years and remembered feeling pretty hurt that he dumped me two days before graduation. I thought about him sometimes, even looking him up on Instagram, but he had stopped posting two years ago, so I wasn’t sure about his whereabouts anymore. 

Taehyung and I hugged and said goodbye and by the time I made it home, he had already sent me his address. Everyone’s coming at 7, but come over a little earlier if you want, he had texted. 

By Saturday I was sitting on Taehyung’s couch, music playing softly in the background as we laughed and talked. Taehyung gave me a run down of the people coming over. There was Julie, who had blue and purple ombre hair, who was working at a boutique downtown. Cami, a friend of Taehyung’s who worked at another restaurant who I had actually met a few times. Then there was Jimin, who most people viewed as charming, who worked as a choreographer. Taehyung said that Jimin might’ve been bringing a friend of his, but Taehyung didn’t know who. I loved meeting new people, and especially now considering my last text to my group had gone unanswered, I chose to ignore the pit of disappointment in my stomach and try to have fun. We’d just be sitting and talking, with some food and alcohol spread out on the coffee table in front of the couch. Taehyung had put in a lot of effort. We continued to sip out of our glasses and talk until the buzzer went off, signaling the first person to arrive. 

Cami was the first to show up, greeting both Taehyung and I with a warm smile. She had long, wavy hair and had appeared to have dyed it a honey blonde since the last time I had seen her. She plopped down on the seat next to me as I handed her a glass, catching up on our lives. Soon after Julie arrived, bringing her uninvited boyfriend with her who sat silently next to her most of the night. Taehyung gave Cami and I the side eye as Julie’s boyfriend glanced down at his phone, not even bothering to say hello. 45 minutes later, the buzzer rang again, and Taehyung stood up from his seat, “I wonder who that could be…” he questioned sarcastically. According to Julie, Jimin was always late, even when he promised to be on time. 

I stood up to stretch my legs and grab some more ice for my glass from the kitchen while Taehyung answered the door. I could hear the sound of the door opening and closing, as everyone jokingly cheered and yelled “Jimin!” I crept back in and to my seat, glancing over at Jimin, who was dressed in ripped jeans and a dark t-shirt. He was definitely attractive, which was probably what Taehyung meant when he said Jimin was a charmer. But what really caught my eye was the shadowy figure still standing in the hallway. He was more built than Jimin, and he had hands deep in the pockets of his jeans. I couldn’t see his face, but could make out the outlines of some of the tattoos that adorned his arms. I squinted, leaning forward, waiting for him to fully come into the light. “Who’s that behind you?” Taehyung asked, playfully shoving Jimin out of the way. I gasped, feeling my heart stop as I got a full view of him. There he was, my ex-boyfriend. The boy he dumped me, told me he couldn’t be with me, said he needed to travel, get out of our small town and go somewhere he could be a serious musician. 

“Hey, I’m Jungkook.” He said shyly, extending his hand for Taehyung to shake. But as he turned his attention away from Taehyung and stepped further into the apartment, removing his shoes by the front door, he must’ve gone through the same shock as me when his eyes met mine. It looked as if he had seen a ghost. Stunned, standing maybe 15 feet away from me. It felt as if no one else was in the room as our eyes locked, almost as if we were in a staring contest. Jimin nudged him, gesturing for him to follow his lead and sit down. I fidgeted nervously in my seat as Jungkook sat on the other side of the sectional, directly facing me. I took a sip of my drink, wishing the alcohol would calm my growing nerves. I tried to not look at him, instead half heartedly focused on whatever Cami was talking about with the rest of the group, but it was no use. I couldn’t pay attention knowing the guy who broke my heart was sitting on the other side of me. I leaned over, whispering in Taehyung’s ear that I was going to go use the bathroom. He patted my knee in acknowledgement, smiling at me as I got up and left the room. I tried to catch my breath as I walked down the hallway. I shut the bathroom door behind me, turning on the light and leaning over the sink. Not long after, there was a knock on the door, to which I didn’t respond. I knew who was on the other side of that door. 

“I’m coming in.” Jungkook said in a low voice. He shut the door behind him as he leaned his back against it. He didn’t say anything and neither did I, again just staring at each other. I scanned his body, taking in everything that had changed about him in the past few years. The tattoos that were displayed all over his arms and hands. The way his black hair was perfectly tousled, and his arms had become more muscular. He had always been very competitive and athletic, so I wasn’t surprised to see how fit he still was after all these years. I also took in the new addition of a lip piercing, which made him even more attractive. His eyes still gave off the sense of innocence, but they seemed a bit duller. Back when we had dated, everytime he talked about music or sang, his eyes were filled with hope, if that makes sense. Now his eyes seemed somewhat tired. I shifted against the bathroom counter, biting my lip. All you could hear was our breathing. Finally, I broke the silence. 

“I, uh, can’t believe we ran into each other.” I said in disbelief. 

“Small world, I guess.” Jungkook joked, crossing his arms over his chest. I looked around the tiny bathroom, thinking about what he was going to say. “I didn’t know you moved to New York City? I guess that explains why I haven’t seen you around when I go to visit my parents back home.” He said, his gaze focusing back on me. 

“Yeah, I don’t really go back home that often, it’s hard to get time off, my manager gives me a hard time.” I explained, to which he nodded in understanding. 

“Where do you work?” Jungkook questioned curiously. 

“At a restaurant, that’s how I met Taehyung.” Jungkook swallowed hard, shifting his weight, and standing up straight.

“So, is he your boyfriend?” He asked, pointing his thumb behind him outside of the bathroom. I was surprised that he would ask, assuming he wouldn’t care if I was dating Taehyung or not. But I could sense a kind of desperation in his eyes as he anxiously awaited my answer. His breathing became more shallow and he nervously tapped his pointer finger against his chin, a nervous habit he had back when I had known him years ago. 

“No, just a friend.” I shook my head. I could hear him let out a deep breath, which for some reason made me feel good. Knowing after all this time, there was still something there. I inched toward him, trying to make it seem like I was just moving in place. Maybe I shouldn’t step closer to him? I wondered in my head. “I thought you were living in LA?” I asked, looking up at him. 

“LA fell through two years ago, and I got a job playing in a band up here. I had a record deal but it fell through back in LA so I just figured it was time to move.” He shrugged, moving his hands into his pockets. 

“I kept up with you online for a few years. I really wanted everything to work out for you…” I said quietly. 

“I’m sorry about the way I ended things.” Jungkook said, moving closer towards me. “I was a stupid kid and believe me, not even trying to make it work with you has been one of my biggest regrets.” He whispered, standing right in front of me. His eyes were filled with remorse and I subconsciously found myself reaching for the free hand he had taken out of his pocket. I ran my thumb over his as I pursed my lips together. 

“Jungkook…I’ve missed you.” I murmured, “I never thought I’d see you again.” Our bodies were now firmly pressed up against each other. He scooped me up and lifted me onto the edge of the bathroom counter. I could feel his muscles tense, his skin was soft. He cupped my face, his nose against my own. 

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered, letting his thumb rub against my cheek. 

“Mhm”, I interjected before his lips crashed against mine. His lip piercing was cold upon contact. It felt as if we were 18 again, as his hands abandoned my face and crept under my shirt. His tongue entered my mouth, The only sound heard came from our kisses and the moans that left my throat. I’m sure he could taste the alcohol on my lips. My hands slip down his toned chest, resting on his belt buckle. He pulled away for a second, looking into my eyes, now with a new sort of intensity before begging to trail kisses down my neck. I tried to stifle the moans fighting to come out of me as I closed my eyes, focused on the air hitting the wet kisses he was leaving on my body. My fingers slipped through the belt, started to tug at it. 

“Y/n, I don’t think it’s appropriate to have sex in your friend’s bathroom.” He joked in between kisses. I opened my eyes and laughed as he lifted his head back up. I pressed my forehead against his own before pressing a soft kiss to his full lips. 

“You know everyone out there wondering why we’re in the bathroom together right?” I stated, trying to distract myself from the heat growing between my legs. I needed him, but I knew now wasn’t the right place. 

“Fuck em’. Let’s just leave and we can explain it tomorrow.” Jungkook said, a smile forming on his lips. 

“And what exactly am I supposed to tell Taehyung? That I left his apartment early to go have sex with my ex-boyfriend?” As I said it, I felt myself start to sober up as I started to think about my current predicament. If we had sex? What would happen after? Does that mean we’re back together? Will he want to keep in touch? I suddenly became angry at myself. How could I be so stupid, sleeping with a guy I hadn’t spoken to in years. It’s true that I frequently thought of him and I checked his accounts to see if he had posted or had moved on. But realistically, how easy would it be to pick up from where we left off years ago? Maybe I was drunk and in my feelings over my friends that I had unintentionally thrown away my better judgment. 

Jungkook kept his arms around my waist, but stepped back a bit so he could get a better view of my face. “Y/n, what do you want to tell him? What are we doing here?” He asked, which took me by surprise. I wanted to be honest with him. Being able to see him again and feeling that same chemistry after all that time apart, I knew what I wanted to say to him. 

“Jungkook, I want to try this again.” I answered, to which he moved closer again. His hand caressed my cheek as his lips molded against mine again. 

“I do too.” He said after pulling away. 

-

{A/N: OMG, guys I feel so bad, I disappeared again. Truthfully, I was suffering from a mix of writers block, finals and a shitty personal life. But this story idea popped into my mind and I knew I had to write this shit down right away and I absolutely love this story and I hope you do too! Jungkook is just one of those guys where I can see him fitting into so many different scenarios/tropes and reconnecting with a guy from your past is my favorite and something I'm manifesting for myself lol. But seriously, I hope you enjoyed this. JK is my favorite to write about besides Yuta, stories with him as a character seem to come pretty natural idk why. Also, this story will be posted on my AO3 page for those who like to read on there. As for a writing schedule, I DO plan on writing this summer, but I'm not sure if it was be posts every two weeks like I'm used to, I'm trying to not burn out, but just know I'm always trying to come up with new story ideas. As always, I love you all so so much, thank you for continuing to read my work while I've been inactive. I'm always here! Have a great day/night and mwahhhh💋💋💋💋💋💋}

[maeranyy]

7 tips for how to make friends easily

╭────── · · ୨୧ · · ──────╮

🐇 Friend tips 🐇

Here are 10 tips to make friends easily. These are tips that mainly play on psychology but are in no way manipulation because it is just horrible and cruel to manipulate people. These tips will allow you to make friends more easily. I was like this girl who was always alone and always came home alone and I had like one friend but now I have several friends who are dear to me and these tips allowed me to do it but I also approached the right people who seemed to correspond to me. I also invested myself and took the time to understand and know these people because although these are very good tips, true friendship is created over time ♡

౨ৎ Transforming an interaction into a shared experience

often use "we" this will unconsciously make the person believe that you have spent a lot of experience together and will strengthen your bond

in social psychology the use of "we" reduces the psychological distance between individuals and facilitates connection ♡

𝒢𑄺 call the person by their first name

This may sound a bit silly, but when you call someone by their first name, it immediately triggers a positive reaction in his brain because it is associated with his identity and from my personal experience it has always worked because generally I feel closer to those who call me by my first name

೨౿ Use the mirror technique

The mirror technique consists of subtly imitating the way a person speaks or acts, for example, if they start to speak more quickly, start to speak a little more quickly, if they lower their voice, lower yours a little. I often use this and it creates a connection with the other person

in reality it creates an unconscious connection and a unconscious feelings of similarity

۶ৎLeave the conversation with a good impression

ends the conversation before it gets boring because people usually remember of the last impression you left

𝒢𑄺 Make the person believe that they are nice to you

ask the person for a small favor, like asking for a pen, etc., and when the person does your favor, remind them how kind they are to do that because subconsciously the person will feel helpful. No one likes to feel useless This works even more on boy who have a greater need to feel useful

୨ৎ Share a little secret or a slightly embarrassing anecdote about yourself

tell something just a little embracing not a big secret or something that others should not know just a small anecdote to instill trust between you because the person will believe that you feel comfortable with her by sharing this she will then feel more comfortable and confident with you and if she also shares a little secret about herself with you then it has worked very well

I remember that I often used this trick to make friends more easily with people I had just met ♡

𐙚 Use the red thread technique

This is my favorite technique because it works very often, it's just about creating an inside joke/reference that you and only that person can understand

If something special or significant happens to you with this person, take advantage of it to create an inside joke that you can use later because it greatly strengthens the bond and creates a good closeness for example one day I was with this girl that I had met and we both wore the same color clothes so I said that we were tomatoes and the next time we saw each other she told the other that we were tomatoes but it was only me and her who understood this joke and you can use it on almost everything ♡

my angels don't forget that to create a true friendship you need time and patience These tips can make it easier for you but will not give you friends instantly each person is different and you can get along more or less with different people but above all stay yourself I think that is the most important advice because if you are yourself you will necessarily be different and what is different is irreplaceable I have a friend who is literally so crazy and stupid sometimes but that's what makes her so special that's what makes her so indispensable because when she is not there we get bored enormously despite the fact that she can seem embarrassing to some So don't change for anyone because no matter what you are like, there will definitely be people who suit you , that's all ♡

Aurevoir ♡

[lyvhie]

★ ˙ ̟ ─── . “i like it”.

donghyuck x reader

| summary | who would have thought that being evasive about something important would lead to Donghyuck losing you? | cw | fluff, slight jaemin x reader, jealousy, maybe angst if u squint, pet names. | a/n | changing this again 😇 someday i'll stop 😔 ALSO, my sweet wife @peterm4rker will be writing an awesome fic for jaemin following the events of this one, so stay tuned 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

Contrary to what everyone believed, you and Haechan weren’t officially lovers but existed in a complicated, undefined space. Friends who occasionally kissed, shared intimate nights, and blurred the lines between friendship and something more. Hyuck was content with this arrangement, or at least, that’s what he told himself.

Things with you have been this way since the last year of high school, when you were each other's first kiss. Back then, you were both a bit clueless and hadn’t had much experience with other people, so you suggested it might be nice, and less awkward, to practice with each other since you were friends.

After that, this dynamic continued over the years. If you were bored or just in the mood, you’d make out until your mouths were sore. But that was it—nothing exclusive, nothing complicated, no feelings were involved. These were the unspoken rules between you two. Perhaps rules isn’t the right word, but it was a silent agreement you adhered to.

Both you and Hyuck had your fair share of flings, yet, amusingly enough, you always ended up coming back to each other. And he liked that. There was something undeniably comforting about it, the way it felt so effortless, so familiar, like slipping into your favorite sweater on a cold day. It was simple, warm, and safe. It wasn’t complicated, it was home.

Over time, being with you felt so right that he no longer desired anyone else. Everything about your dynamic was easy and, most importantly, simple. It provided a safe haven for his fears, a sanctuary from the expectations he dreaded. Commitment was a word that stirred anxiety in him, a promise he wasn’t sure he could keep. The thought of fully opening up, of risking his heart, scared him.

So, he clung to the simplicity of what you had, where no questions were asked, and no demands were made. It was his way of staying close while keeping his fears at bay, holding on to you without the risk of losing himself.

Haechan believed that as satisfied as he was with you, you felt the same about him. In his mind, you both fit perfectly into the arrangement you had. After all, why change something that worked so well? To him, everything was simple, easy, and just the way it should be.

However, things weren't as black and white for you as they were for Haechan. Over the years, you had hoped that what you shared would evolve into something deeper, something more defined. You craved a sense of permanence, a relationship that was established, tangible, and secure. What started as a casual connection had grown into something much more significant for you, and the lack of clarity began to weigh.

While Donghyuck found comfort in the ambiguity, you found yourself longing for certainty. The undefined boundaries that once felt liberating now felt confining.

It was no secret how fond you were of him. After all, you had been together for a long time, sharing each other's highs and lows, witnessing the best and worst moments side by side. The bond you had was undeniable, and with time, you felt it was only natural to express your feelings. You thought it would be okay to bring up the idea of something more, to gently nudge the relationship in a new direction.

So, you began to hint at your desires in subtle ways, slipping them into conversations, testing the waters at every suitable opportunity. You teased him, dropping little clues, hoping he'd pick up on your intentions and reveal his own. Each time, you watched closely, searching for any sign that he might feel the same way.

You'd casually ask questions about where he thought you both would be in the future, framing it as mere "curiosity." If he ever saw you both settling down, or if he thought things might change someday. Each question was laced with hope, a subtle push toward something more concrete.

But Donghyuck deflected. He'd laugh it off, turn the conversation back to something lighthearted, or give vague answers that neither confirmed nor denied anything.

And yes, he wasn't oblivious, far from it. He noticed your hints, understood the implications, but chose to play along as if he didn't. He pretended not to see the deeper meaning behind your words, it was easier for him to feign ignorance than to confront the truth, to face the possibility that things might change in ways he wasn't ready to handle.

Plus, he couldn't quite understand why you suddenly wanted to change everything. Why complicate something that, in his eyes, was already working perfectly? There were no conflicts, no major issues between you. Why bother putting a label on your relationship when things were smooth as they were?

Donghyuck thought that if he just waited it out, the dust would settle, and you'd drop the topic. He figured things would naturally return to how they were—cuddle sessions, late-night calls, movie nights, making out and, most importantly, no difficult questions about the future. It was a cycle he found comfort in, and he was sure you'd come back to it too.

For a while, he was right. You did stop bringing up the subject, and he felt a wave of relief. Everything seemed to return to normal, the familiar rhythm of your relationship restored. He thought he had successfully navigated the storm, and things were back on track.

But the peace didn’t last long.

At first, he assumed you were just caught up with life—work, family, college—the usual exhausting demands of adulthood. It made sense that you'd take longer to respond to his texts, miss his calls, or cancel your usual meetups at each other's places. He reasoned that it was temporary, just a busy spell you were going through.

However, as time went on, the excuses didn't quite add up. The distance between you grew before he could even fully realize it. Sure, you still talked, but only through messages, as you had stopped answering his calls. Even those conversations felt different-strange, tense, lacking the warmth they once had.

It was as if you were slowly becoming strangers, the easy familiarity between you fading away. An unspoken abyss seemed to be widening, pulling you further apart with each passing day.

He couldn't understand. Was it something he did? Did he say something wrong? Did he forget an important date? No, that couldn't be it-you wouldn't be acting this way if it were something so simple. Was it about the way he avoided your questions? But he was sure he had handled that well, giving you answers that, in his mind, should have put your concerns to rest.

Donghyuck replayed every conversation in his head, searching for a clue, a moment where things might have gone wrong. He thought he had done everything right, keeping things easy and light, steering clear of anything that might cause friction. Yet, despite his efforts, the growing distance between you suggested otherwise, leaving him confused and increasingly anxious about what might have caused the shift.

Once again, he decided to leave things as they were. You might just need some time for yourself, he thought. He just needed to be patient. That was all.

So, he tried to stay calm, holding onto the hope that this was just a phase, a temporary distance that would eventually close. He reassured himself that you weren't slipping away, that he wasn't... losing you. But deep down, a quiet fear lingered, growing harder to ignore with each passing day.

At some point, it became too much for him to bear. He missed you-terribly. The ache of your absence was overwhelming, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he needed to make things right, whatever it took. He decided he would go to your place and apologize, even if he wasn't entirely sure what he had done wrong. He just knew he had to fix it.

In his mind, he planned everything meticulously. He would bring your favorite food, a small peace offering to show he cared. He would listen, really listen, to what you had to say, without deflecting or brushing things off. And then, he would apologize, sincerely, for anything he had done to hurt or upset you. He was ready to do whatever it took to mend the rift between you, to bring things back to the way they were.

And that's when things, already bad, started to get worse. As planned, he went to your favorite restaurant to pick up the peace offering. But that's when he saw you. His heart did that familiar happy dance it always did whenever you were around, but it soon came to an abrupt stop. Was he thrilled to see you after what felt like an eternity? Absolutely. What didn't sit well with him was what he was seeing.

Who was the guy you were with? Was this the reason behind the headaches, the exhaustion, the countless canceled plans? The realization hit him like a punch to the gut. Not only had you lied to him, but you were with someone he didn't even know. And worse—it was clearly a date. The way you were dressed, more put-together than usual, was a dead giveaway. This wasn't just a casual meetup; it was something more.

He noticed the way you smiled, the soft giggles that escaped your lips, the way you played with the end of your hair, something you did when you were feeling shy or nervous. He saw the subtle scrunch of your nose, a telltale sign of your genuine amusement, something he had always adored. It was everything you used to do with him, now directed toward someone else.

The sight of you laughing, seemingly carefree, with another person shattered the hope he had been clinging to, leaving him standing there, stunned and, dare he say, heartbroken. A wave of emotions crashed over him. Confusion, betrayal, an ache he couldn't ignore. But above all, there was jealousy.

It gnawed at him, a bitter, burning sensation that he couldn't shake as he watched you with someone else, sharing moments that once belonged to him and only him*.*

He knew what he had said about not being exclusive, that it was just for the sake of avoiding the labels and formalities of the situation. But this—this wasn't supposed to happen. Not when you had once casually told him that you didn't need to date anyone else when he was by your side.

He remembered the words he'd spoken about not wanting to change things, about not needing to turn what you had into a conventional romantic relationship. But even so, this—this moment—was never supposed to come.

You had felt a pair of eyes burning into the soul for a while now. You couldn't help but glance around, trying to figure out where it was coming from. But there was nothing, just a person leaving the restaurant in quick steps.

You blinked a couple of times. Was it just you, or did the back of that person look strangely familiar?

"Hey, everything okay?" Jaemin's concerned voice pulled you back, and you turned your attention to him.

Had you been missing Haechan so much that you were imagining things?

"Yeah, sorry," you said quickly, giving him a small, awkward smile. "I thought I saw someone I knew, don't worry," you waved it off, hoping he wouldn't ask more.

Jaemin smiled softly, his concern still lingering in his eyes, but he didn't push further. "Okay, if you say so," he replied gently, his voice calm and understanding, but he could tell something was off.

Here was the person who had been easing your worries these past few days. You and Jaemin had been friends for a few months now, ever since you first met at a museum. He had offered to guide you through the exhibits, sharing fascinating stories behind the artworks. At first, you assumed he worked there, only to find out later that he was just another visitor like you.

You still remembered how you had worried about taking up his time, only for him to laugh and wave off your concerns, saying it had been a fun walk. That shared experience led to more conversations, and by the end of the visit, you had exchanged numbers. What started as a casual acquaintance quickly blossomed into a comfortable friendship, one that had become a welcome refuge during the tumultuous times with Haechan.

Things with Donghyuck were... a mess, to say the least. It hadn't been as bad when you were still unaware of your true feelings for him. But once you recognized the depth of your emotions, everything became harder to bear. The weight of unspoken words and unmet desires grew heavier each day.

It only worsened when he confirmed, in his subtle yet unmistakable way, that you and he would remain in the same undefined space for the foreseeable future. The realization that nothing would change, that your relationship would stay stagnant, left you feeling trapped in a cycle of longing and frustration.

You sure liked Donghyuck, more than you ever thought you could like someone. But you couldn't keep burying yourself deeper into this hole of uncertainties. That's why, when Jaemin asked you out for the first time, you didn't refuse.

You had noticed his interest in you, and you thought, why not give it a chance? It felt like a welcome change from the storm of emotions that had been weighing you down.

And you were right. Jaemin was caring, attentive, and you shared so much in common. With him, you didn't feel the constant need to second-guess everything or wonder where you stood. He was always direct and sincere, there was no hidden meaning or unanswered questions, offering a sense of clarity that you had been craving, a simplicity that felt refreshing. It was… less intense, less complicated than it was with Haechan.

Jaemin tilted his head slightly, watching you with that warm, curious gaze he always had. “You sure you’re okay? You seem a little distracted tonight,” he asked softly, his concern evident in his tone.

You smiled, feeling a little guilty for letting your thoughts wander. “I’m fine, really. I guess I’m just a bit tired,” you said, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “But I’m having a great time with you.”

His lips curved into a gentle smile. “I’m glad to hear that. I was worried I was boring you,” he teased, a playful glint in his eyes.

“Not at all. You could probably talk about the most random thing, and I’d still be entertained,” you said, chuckling.

He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “Oh, so you’re saying I have that kind of charm, huh?”

You rolled your eyes, laughing. “Don’t let it get to your head, Jaemin,” he laughed too, and for a moment, the tension you'd been feeling earlier seemed to fade away.

“Well, we've spent the whole day together, and it's already," he checked his wristwatch, "real late. I think it's time to take you home, princess," Jaemin said with a teasing smile, his tone light yet affectionate.

"As much as I want to say the opposite, I think you're right," you replied, letting out a small laugh. "I'd hate to turn into a pumpkin or something."

He chuckled, standing up and offering you his hand. "Don't worry, I'd make sure to bring you back to the ball before that happens."

You rolled your eyes at his playful tone but took his hand anyway, letting him guide you out of the restaurant. The evening air was cool and refreshing, and Jaemin stayed close to your side, his presence steady and comforting.

When you reached his car, he opened the door for you with a small bow, earning a laugh from you. "A true gentleman," you teased, sliding into the passenger seat. "Only the best for you," he quipped, winking before closing the door and walking around to the driver's side.

The drive home was filled with easy conversation, the kind that made time seem to slip away. Every now and then, you'd catch him glancing at you out of the corner of his eye, a soft smile tugging at his lips as if he were just happy to have you there.

“There you are,” Jaemin said as he parked in front of your house. “Safe and sound,” he added, turning to you with a warm smile.

“Aw, it’s over already?” you said dramatically, a teasing pout on your lips.

“Don’t worry,” he replied, leaning slightly closer to you, his voice dropping into that playful tone that always made you smile. “I have an idea for what we can do next week. If you’re interested, of course.”

“Oh, another date plan so soon?” you leaned closer as well, a small smile tugging at your lips.

“Mhm,” he hummed, his eyes sparkling mischievously. “But it’s a surprise, so don’t even think about asking.”

“Then you shouldn’t have told me,” you said, rolling your eyes playfully. “Now I’m curious.”

Jaemin chuckled softly, his hand reaching up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. His fingers lingered for a moment, just barely grazing your cheek. “I’ll make the wait worth it,” he said softly, his gaze flickering down to your lips.

The air between you shifted slightly, growing more intimate as he leaned closer and closer, his breath almost mingling with yours, his lips just a whisper away from yours and—

Knock! Knock! Knock!

“How long are you planning to stay there?”

You turned your head abruptly, your heart skipping a beat at the familiar voice. There stood Haechan, arms crossed, an annoyed expression on his face as he stared into the car.

Your chest tightened at the sight of him, but you forced yourself to play it cool, letting out a small, frustrated sigh.

Jaemin pulled back, his brow slightly raised as he glanced at Haechan, then back at you. The sudden interruption had shattered the moment.

“Friend of yours?” Jaemin asked, his voice calm but curious, as his eyes searched yours for an answer.

“Yeah, something like that," you replied, laughing awkwardly. "Remember Haechan?"

"Oh, Mr. Gray Area," Jaemin said with a knowing smirk.

“Yep, that’s him,” you said, trying to play it off with a soft chuckle before letting out a small sigh. Quickly, you unbuckled your seatbelt and reached for the door handle. “By the way, don’t leave yet. You forgot something at my house last time, I’ll take it for you real quick.”

“Alright, pretty, take your time.”

Jaemin smiled, leaning back in his seat as his gaze followed you. Meanwhile, Haechan’s eyes were also fixed on you, his arms crossed as he stood waiting. When you stopped in front of him, his brows rose expectantly.

“What are you doing here?” you whispered, trying to keep your tone neutral, though a hint of frustration slipped through.

Haechan shrugged, his expression unreadable. “You were having so many headaches, I wanted to check if you were okay,” he said, the lie rolling off his tongue smoothly.

His gaze flickered to Jaemin, still sitting in the car, who offered him a brief, polite wave. Haechan forced a tight-lipped smile, biting back the urge to roll his eyes. “And apparently, you are,” he added, his voice dropping slightly, laced with sarcasm. “Didn't know you had a thing for bulked-up gym rats. Should I start hitting the gym too, or is he the exception?"

You rolled your eyes, biting back a retort as Jaemin's curious gaze lingered from the car. "Haechan, please—"

"What?" he interrupted, leaning in slightly with a mock-innocent expression. "I just wanna make sure I'm keeping up with your new preferences.”

You lifted a hand to stop him from talking before he could say anything more, and he pressed his lips together in silence right away, though the grumpy expression on his face was impossible to miss.

"Just wait and behave," you said firmly, giving him a pointed look before turning to head inside your house.

Haechan huffed at your words but didn't argue. The moment you disappeared through the door, though, he turned back to Jaemin's car, his gaze narrowing slightly. After a brief pause, he walked closer, his shoes scuffing against the pavement, and knocked on the car window, waiting for Jaemin to lower it.

He leaned in slightly, resting his arms on the edge of the window so he could get a proper look at Jaemin.

Damn. He's hot. That, Haechan couldn't deny. What a handsome man.

Fuck.

He hoped Jaemin had a terrible personality because, honestly, it was unfair for someone to look that good and be a decent person too.

“Yes? Can I help you?” Jaemin asked, a polite smile adorning his face as his brow lifted slightly at the sudden interaction.

Haechan tilted his head, his gaze traveling up and down Jaemin’s figure, taking in every detail as if analyzing him.

“Jaemin, right?” Haechan said back, his lips curving into something between a smirk and a challenge. “Just wanted to see who’s been stealing my girl’s attention from me these days.”

Jaemin let out a small chuckle, tilting his head slightly. “Your girl? Funny, it didn’t seem that way since we started going out.”

Haechan scoffed, but he masked it with a shrug. “Well, she just likes making new friends,” he said casually, though the tightness in his jaw betrayed him.

So this was it, huh? Your sudden distance, the unanswered calls, the excuses—it was all because you’d been going on little dates with this guy. Haechan felt something unpleasant settle in his chest, but he pushed it down, keeping his expression cool.

Jaemin hummed, unfazed by Haechan’s words. His fingers tapped lazily against the steering wheel as he looked at him with mild amusement. “Is that what you tell yourself?”

Haechan let out a dry chuckle, tilting his head. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jaemin shrugged, a knowing glint in his eyes. “Just saying… You seem a little too interested in her new friends for someone who didn’t want to put a label on things.”

Haechan’s smirk faltered for just a second, but he quickly recovered. “I just like knowing who she spends time with,” he said, his tone light, but there was an edge to it.

Jaemin chuckled, shaking his head. “Right. Well, now you know.” He leaned back in his seat, drumming his fingers against the car door. “Anything else, or can I go back to waiting for her without the interrogation?”

Haechan clicked his tongue, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He wanted to say something, anything, to wipe that amused expression off Jaemin’s face. But before he could come up with a comeback, the front door opened, and you stepped out, holding a jacket in your hands.

As soon as you saw them still talking, you narrowed your eyes. “Is everything okay?” you asked, eyeing Haechan suspiciously.

Jaemin grinned. “Depends on your definition of okay.”

Haechan just huffed, looking away. “Just having a chat,” he muttered.

You sighed, already exhausted. “I don’t even want to know,” you mumbled, handing Jaemin the jacket. “Here, you left this last time.”

Jaemin took it with a grateful smile. “Thanks, pretty.” He shot you a wink, completely ignoring Haechan’s glare.

Haechan clicked his tongue again, stuffing his hands deeper into his pockets. “Great. Now that he got what he came for, he can go,” he said, voice dripping with fake sweetness.

Jaemin raised an eyebrow but didn’t argue. “I was leaving anyway,” he said, flashing you one last smile before rolling up his window. “I’ll text you later.”

You smiled and waved as you watched Jaemin’s car disappear down the street. But the moment he was out of sight, your expression shifted, and you turned to Haechan with a sigh.

“I think you can go too,” you said, your voice even, though you weren’t exactly pleased to see him there. Even if—against your better judgment—your heart twisted in something dangerously close to happiness after so long without seeing him.

“What? Are you mad because I interrupted your little ‘date’?” Haechan scoffed, using his fingers to make exaggerated air quotes.

You rolled your eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh as you moved to walk past him, unwilling to entertain whatever mood he was in. But before you could get too far, he was quick to step in front of you, his hands gently grabbing your shoulders to stop you.

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said quickly, his voice softer this time, though the usual playful edge was still there. “I just wanna talk. Please?”

His puppy eyes had you folding faster than you’d like to admit. With a sigh, you cleared your throat and gently pushed his hands away, walking past him to your front door. You held it open without a word, and he didn’t waste a second following you inside.

It had only been a few weeks, but as Haechan stepped in, it felt like years since he’d last been here. Everything was the same—the familiar scent of your home, the way your shoes were neatly placed by the door, the dim lighting that made the space feel warm.

He watched as you leaned back against the couch, arms crossed, silently waiting for him to speak. The weight of your gaze made him hesitate, unsure of how to start the conversation, or if he even knew what he wanted to say in the first place.

His throat felt dry as he swallowed hard, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets while his eyes wandered around the room. “You redecorated?” he asked, his voice casual, or at least, trying to sound like it.

You raised an eyebrow. “No?”

“Ah,” he let out a small, awkward chuckle, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Guess it just feels different then.”

“Come on, Haechan,” you sighed, your voice steady but tired. “Just tell me what you’re doing here.”

He frowned slightly, the awkwardness that had filled the room earlier quickly fading as he stepped closer to you. The usual ease in his movements returned as he moved toward the couch.

“What do you mean, ‘what am I doing here’? I missed you,” he said, his voice sincere, genuine as he placed his hands on either side of the couch, leaning in just enough to be close, but still keeping a safe distance, his gaze never leaving yours.

You looked at him, his words hitting you more than you wanted to admit, but you forced yourself to act unimpressed. “Yeah? You came all the way here just to say that? You could’ve just texted me.”

“I did,” he shot back, his voice a little sharper now. “But you left me on read

“Then you should’ve taken the hint that I didn’t miss you.”

He let out a short laugh, though it was laced with bitterness. “Well, I noticed. You’ve been busy, huh? Going out on dates with that guy and all.” His eyes narrowed slightly, the jealousy evident in his voice. “How long have you two been meeting?”

“Why would that be any of your business?”

“I mean, it would be good to know if you started things with him while you were with me,” he said, his voice laced with something you couldn't quite decipher—hurt? Resentment? “Or if it was after you started acting like I don’t exist.”

“With you?” You let out a small, dry laugh. “Donghyuck, we were never together. You made that very clear.”

Haechan’s jaw clenched at your words. He opened his mouth to argue, but nothing came out. Because you were right. He had been the one who insisted on keeping things the way they were. No labels. No commitments. No messy emotions.

But now that he was faced with the reality of what that actually meant—you moving on, finding someone else—he hated it.

“That’s not—” He exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “That’s not fair.”

You scoffed, crossing your arms. “Oh, now it’s not fair?” You shook your head. “It was fair when I was waiting around for you to maybe want something more? When I kept dropping hints, hoping you’d stop pretending you didn’t see them?”

He pressed his lips together, his gaze dropping for a moment. He had seen them. Every single one. And he had ignored them. Every single one.

“Jaemin actually wants to be with me,” you continued, voice softer now but no less firm. “He doesn’t make me feel like I have to prove I’m worth it.”

Haechan’s chest tightened at that. “And I did?”

You didn’t answer right away. You just looked at him, and somehow, that was worse.

He hadn't realized that was how you felt. Sure, he knew he had been difficult, he never denied that, but he never thought he made you feel like you weren’t enough. He thought that by keeping things the way they were, he was protecting what you had, not slowly pushing you away.

“Listen, I…” He took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair as he tried to gather his thoughts. “I know I’m an idiot. I know I messed up, and I know I wasn’t being fair to you. I knew what you wanted, and instead of being honest, I chose to pretend I didn’t see it, because I was too scared to do anything about it.”

Your eyebrows lifted slightly in surprise. It wasn’t often that Haechan was this honest. He had always been open with you, yes, but when it came to his own emotions, his fears, his insecurities, he usually buried them under jokes, teasing, and playful distractions. But now, he was just laying it out there, no filter, no deflection.

You swallowed, arms still crossed, but your stance had softened. “…And what exactly were you so scared of?”

He swallowed hard, guilt creeping into his expression. “I didn’t want to lose you,” he admitted, voice quieter now. “I thought if we just kept things the way they were, you’d stay. That I wouldn’t have to face all the scary, complicated parts of actually being with someone.”

“So what?” still, you couldn’t let yourself be swayed so easily. Not when it had taken so much for you to finally step away. “You were scared, so that justifies everything? That makes it okay?”

“No,” he said quickly, shaking his head. “It doesn’t. And I’m not saying it does.” He ran a frustrated hand over his face before meeting your eyes again. “I just—I need you to know that it wasn’t because you weren’t enough. It was never that. It was me being a coward.”

By now, you were already softening toward him, and he could tell. His hands found your face, cupping it gently.

“I’m really sorry,” he murmured. “I swear I never meant to make you feel that way or push you away. Being without you these past days... it made me think about everything. And I already knew this, but you have no idea how much you mean to me. I realized all those doubts didn’t matter, because, God, it’s you. It’s always been you. I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.”

His eyes stayed locked on yours, his thumbs tracing soft circles on your cheeks. The way he was looking at you… if not love, then something dangerously close to it.

“Please, give me a chance,” he pleaded. “I know I let you down, and I know words aren’t enough to make up for everything I put you through. But I swear, I won’t mess this up again. I’ll show you—show you just how much I want you, how much you mean to me, how much…"

He took a shaky breath, his grip on your face tightening just slightly, as if afraid you’d slip away.

"How much I need you," he finally whispered. "Not just for now, not just because I miss you, but because I don’t know how to be without you anymore. Because every moment without you felt wrong, and I never want to feel that again. Just… let me prove it to you. Please."

You were speechless at his sudden confession. His eyes held the same desperate sincerity as his voice, and you could feel how genuine he was, more than you’d ever seen before. You were sure that, if you wanted, he’d drop to his knees and beg for your forgiveness. Your heart was pounding so violently, you almost felt like it might burst from your chest, just to show him how deeply he affected you without even trying.

You wanted to speak, but you couldn’t as he kept going, probably babbling at this point. “I’ll do whatever it takes to prove it to you. You want a real relationship? Let’s do it. You want commitment? I’ll give it to you. Hell, you want me to write it in the sky? Tattoo it on my forehead? I’ll—”

You interrupted him by crashing your lips against his.

His eyes widened in surprise, his breath hitching, but it took only a second for him to snap back to reality. He kissed you back just as desperately, as if he had been waiting for this moment forever. One hand slid to the small of your back, pulling you flush against him, while the other cradled the back of your neck, fingers tangling into your hair as he poured every ounce of emotion into the kiss.

You could feel the way he melted against you, how his desperation seeped into the kiss, as if he was trying to pour all the words he couldn't say into it. His grip on you tightened, like he was scared you'd slip away if he didn’t hold on tight enough.

When you finally pulled away, breathless, his lips chased yours, unwilling to let the moment end. “Does that mean…?” he whispered, eyes searching yours, still uncertain.

You exhaled, resting your forehead against his. “It means… you have a lot to make up for.”

A small, breathy chuckle left his lips, but there was no cockiness, no playfulness—just sheer relief. “I will,” he promised, his hands cradling your face as if you were the most precious thing in the world.

His lips met yours once again, this time more gently, more lovingly. He honestly felt like the luckiest person in the world right now.

He pulled away just slightly, his breath still mingling with yours. “Tell me… you and that Jaeman guy—”

“It’s Jaemin,” you corrected.

“Whatever,” he mumbled, brushing it off. “You and Minjae… how far did you go?” His brows lifted slightly, his thumb grazing your lower lip.

You exhaled a soft laugh. “Is it really important?”

“Very much,” he murmured, tilting his head as his fingers trailed down your jaw. “I need to erase every trace of him off you.”

You rolled your eyes, trying, and failing, to hide the small smile creeping up on your lips. “We didn’t do much more than a few pecks…” you admitted.

Haechan groaned dramatically, as if your words physically pained him. “A few pecks?” he repeated, shaking his head. “Disgusting. Unacceptable.”

Before you could roll your eyes again, he was on you, pressing kiss after kiss against your lips, barely giving you a chance to breathe. Each one was soft yet desperate, as if he were really trying to erase every trace of Jaemin’s touch, replacing every memory with his own.

You let out a breathless laugh, trying to push him away, but he was relentless. He peppered kisses along your cheeks, your chin, your nose, your forehead—everywhere he could reach.

“Okay, stop!” you giggled, placing your hand over his mouth to halt his attack. “I get it already.”

His eyes sparkled with mischief as he kissed your palm, his lips lingering against your skin.

“I'm making sure there's no room left for Jaeman.”

Jaemin glanced at his phone screen, checking the time for what felt like the hundredth time. His foot tapped against the floor, his eyes flickering to the entrance every time the bell chimed, expecting—no, hoping—to finally see the person he had been so anxiously waiting for: you.

Don’t get him wrong, he was always excited to see you. But today, that excitement was laced with unease. That feeling had settled in his chest the moment you called him, asking to meet. Usually, just the thought of seeing you would have him grinning like an idiot, but something in your tone during that call had put him on edge. There was a distance in your voice, something careful, something that made his nerves spike.

It didn’t help that it had been days since the last time you properly talked or spent time together. That alone was enough to make him feel uneasy. And now, as he sat there waiting, he couldn’t shake the feeling that this meeting wouldn’t be the kind he was hoping for.

He shook his head slightly, trying to push away the nagging thoughts. Maybe he was just overthinking. Maybe you just wanted to see him because you missed him, just like he missed you. And honestly? That was reason enough for him.

The bell rang again, and this time, when he looked up, there you were. His heart did that little flip it always did whenever he saw you, no matter how much he tried to play it cool. He knew you hadn’t known each other for that long, your time together still fresh and new, but there was something about you that made it feel different.

He called your name and waved to catch your attention, his smile appearing almost instantly as soon as he saw yours. You hurried toward the table, slipping into the seat across from him.

"I'm sorry, did I make you wait too long?" you asked, slightly out of breath. "Something came up, and I couldn't help but be late."

That something had a name and a surname—Lee Donghyuck.

The very person who insisted on accompanying you and personally driving you to the café as soon as you mentioned needing to see Jaemin. Not only did he take the longest route possible, driving at a frustratingly slow pace, but he also kept you trapped in the car, stealing kisses and whining about why you had to see Jaemin at all.

You almost had to beg him not to follow you inside the café, and it took a mix of stern scolding and a few more stolen kisses before you were finally free from his relentless affection.

Jaemin chuckled softly, shaking his head and dismissing your apology with a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, I didn’t wait that long,” he said, his words making you exhale in relief. “Is everything okay? We haven’t really talked much these past few days.”

You smiled sheepishly. “Oh, yes, sorry. It’s just… a lot’s happened, and I didn’t really have the time to catch up with anyone,” you explained with a light chuckle.

Jaemin’s expression softened, and a hint of relief washed over him. “I’m glad it’s just that,” he said, his tone light. “I thought maybe I did something wrong, messed things up between us.”

You couldn’t help but feel a small pang in your chest at his words. He really did care, of course.

“No, nothing like that. It’s just… things have been a bit complicated lately,” you hesitated for a moment, then decided to be honest. “And I just needed some space to think about… us.”

Jaemin's smile faltered just slightly as he noticed the way you fidgeted with the napkin, your lips pressing into a thin line. The way you avoided his gaze for a moment, only to return to meet his eyes, told him everything he needed to know. He was right—this was going to be an unpleasant conversation.

He remained silent, his gaze steady and attentive, nodding slowly as he listened carefully to every word you said. He could tell that you had thought this through, giving you the space you needed to speak without feeling rushed.

“Look, I really enjoyed our time together, it was honestly so much fun, and you’re such a sweet person, but…” You paused for a brief moment, your mind drifting to the little gremlin waiting for you in the car outside the cafe. “I have someone I care deeply about, despite everything that happened. I want to give it a real shot, because… that’s what I’ve been waiting for. And I really thought I was ready to make things work with you, but I can’t do that when my heart belongs to another person.”

“… I see.” His words were simple, but they carried a certain weight. There was no anger, no resentment, just quiet understanding and a hint of sadness. “I guess I can’t really argue with that, can I?”

You watched as he leaned back in his seat, exhaling a slow breath. His expression was composed, but the way his fingers tapped idly against the table gave him away. He looked… upset. Maybe even hurt. You knew you were doing the right thing, but it didn’t make it any easier.

“It’s not that I don’t like you,” you blurted out, feeling the need to clarify. “You are amazing, Jaemin, and you deserve someone just as good as you are. And I’m not—”

“It’s fine,” he interrupted gently, offering you a small chuckle—one that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He had noticed the way you were starting to fidget, your nervousness creeping in. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re doing something wrong. I appreciate your honesty. I can’t say I’m happy about it, but… I kind of saw this coming.”

You frowned slightly. “What do you mean?”

Jaemin tilted his head, studying you for a moment before giving you a knowing smile. “It’s Haechan, isn’t it? The person you were just talking about.”

You nodded sheepishly. Was it really that obvious?

He let out another small chuckle, shaking his head. “Yeah… I had a feeling. Especially after our last encounter,” he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck before meeting your gaze again. “Honestly? I wish things were different. I really do. But I get it,” his voice softened. “When someone already has your heart, there’s not much room left for anyone else, is there?”

You had prepared yourself for anger, maybe even disappointment, but this quiet acceptance made it so much harder.

“I really am sorry,” you whispered.

He offered you a small, bittersweet smile. “Don’t be. Just… be happy, alright?” He reached across the table and gave your hand a small squeeze before pulling away. “And if he ever messes up, I’ll be right here to say ‘I told you so,’” he smirked.

You let out a soft chuckle, shaking your head. “Noted.” Then, hesitating for a moment, you asked, “Would it be stupid of me to ask if we can still be friends?”

Jaemin blinked, then huffed a small laugh. “No, of course not,” he said, his voice softer now. “I’d love that.”

You felt a weight lift off your shoulders at his words, though the guilt still lingered. You had expected this conversation to go much worse—maybe some resentment, maybe some bitterness—but Jaemin was handling it with the same grace and kindness he had always shown you.

“Thank you,” you said sincerely. “For understanding. For everything, really.”

Jaemin leaned back, a fond but slightly teasing smile playing on his lips. “Well, I can’t say I’m thrilled about the outcome, but I meant what I said. I want you to be happy.” He tilted his head, eyes twinkling just a little. “Even if it’s with him.”

You laughed softly, shaking your head. “You’re making it sound like I chose the worst possible person.”

Jaemin shrugged. “I don’t hate the guy. But let’s just say he’s not exactly my first pick for you.”

“Fair enough,” you admitted, biting back another chuckle.

A comfortable silence settled between you two, and you felt grateful that, despite everything, Jaemin was still Jaemin—kind, understanding, and someone you truly wanted to keep in your life.

Donghyuck jolted in his seat when he glanced at the rearview mirror and saw you saying goodbye to his number one enemy. He clicked his tongue, muttering something under his breath, before quickly looking away as you slid into the car. He tried to act nonchalant, though the urge to have his hands all over you was undeniable.

“So?” He raised his brows, his voice thick with curiosity as he glanced at your smiling face. His mind cursed Jaemin a thousand times over, though he tried to hide it behind a playful demeanor.

“Well, he was very lovely the whole time,” you said, pulling your seatbelt across your body. “And we agreed to stay friends.”

The words hit him like a breath of fresh air, and he let out a relieved sigh, not bothering to hide it this time. For a moment there, he thought you might change your mind, and he’d be left in misery forever.

"Good," he muttered, his grip on the wheel loosening, his gaze softening as he glanced over at you. “So, I behaved as you said and I patiently waited for you here, do I deserve my reward now?”

You shot him a teasing smile, leaning back in your seat. “Oh? You think you deserve a reward just for waiting?”

He pouted, though it only made him look more endearing. “Come on, you can’t leave me hanging like this. I’ve been a perfect gentleman,” he said, his voice playful yet sincere.

You couldn't help but roll your eyes, but the smile that tugged at your lips betrayed you. “Alright, alright. You did alright, I guess.”

By now, he was already leaning closer, his breath brushing against your lips. Without missing a beat, you cupped his face in your hands and pulled him in for a deep, searing kiss. Haechan couldn't help but smile into it, feeling his heart race.

He must admit, he really like it this way.

↝ taglist: @yizhrt, @sinisxtea, @peterm4rker.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

So You Wanna 'Revive' Your Show

Hi Tim. This took me like ten minutes because I actually have two brain cells to rub together. <3

Give the 911 call center more to do. Linda and Sue especially in my opinion.

Go back to what made the show great in the first place which was the core characters becoming/being a family.

Mix up the dynamics. Remember Chim and Bobby's friendship in season one? Hen and Athena's bestieism? Bring that back along with some lesser seen dynamics. I want more of Chim and Karen's friendship. Have Maddie and Bobby work together on something. Pair Athena and Eddie together and have Athena realize just how like her husband Eddie is (and maybe in doing so they help each other get perspective on other things).

Give Bobby a promotion and have him deal with that (although so soon after he quit being an advisor and was clearly enjoying being captain might not work but something to consider).

Have Athena retire and become a private investigator.

More fun filler episodes. A bottle episode where they have a boring day at the station. An episode made up entirely of B shift or the non-firefam members of A shift like SG-1's The Other Guys. An episode entirely from Jee-Yun's point of view showing a young child's perspective of crazy silly adult drama. Boys Night Out/Girls Night Out a la Leverage. "Alternate universe" episodes like Bones' season four finale and Castle's Blue Butterfly episode.

Keep Buck single for a while and give him a safe haven baby. Another way to bond with Hen and Karen over adoption, another way to bond with his sister, and another way to bond with Bobby by making him a grandfather. And oh, hey, Eddie, you want to help me coparent?

Maybe stop having all of Eddie's important shit happen offscreen, I don't know if there's BTS beef or what but grow the fuck up and keep it out of the script. Professionalism, heard of it?

Make Buddie canon. Yes my bias is showing but it's what a large percentage of your audience and media reporters have been clambering after for years. Put guns to heads if you must. Jesus. You want to revitalize the show that's literally the number one way to do it. You dumbasses.

Okay I always said I didn't want it and I still don't but fine. fine! do a musical episode! if that's the price of Bobby's life I'll fucking pay it!!!

Maybe relearn the concept of arcs that last an entire season and not just two-three episodes.

Michael and David have a destination wedding and every single firefam member encounters some kind of emergency, either life-threatening or comedy-of-errors, that means they all show up looking like they got run over by trucks.

RASHOMON EPISODE. For either dramatic or comedic effect. Or both.

Everyone loved the heist episodes like The Taking of Dispatch 9-1-1 and Ocean's 9-1-1. Like come on you fuckwit let the show be fun again.

Actually commit to giving any of the main characters a pet. I know everyone wants Buck but it could be Athena and Bobby, Hen and Karen, Maddie and Chim... personally I would love to see Eddie get hit by the Cat Distribution System.

Firefighters do charity drives all the time, go to schools to do talks about fire safety - show the team interacting with the local community more. Show the parents interacting with their kids' schools or the parents of their friends' kids a bit more. I want to see Eddie and Karen fight the PTA.

It's not hard. That's what gets me. You don't actually worry about the show becoming stagnant. You just wanted to do a really big shocking holy shit episode that everyone would be talking about, forgetting that truly good shows earn those. Shit shows that pull that kind of nonsense lose their audience and get cancelled. You did it because you're a mediocre, boring, never-quite-popular-enough egotist with an inferiority complex who was luckily born with a dick so you fell upward your entire career, and you orgasm to other people's pain.

And for once in my life? I hope cast/crew do know my tumblr. I hope they are on here. I hope they fucking read this, and I hope they print it out and tape it to your office door and every other door on set they can manage like Martin fucking Luther. I want you to go to bed at night knowing you are despised and that a starving barely-breaking-even idiot who wrote a stripper!Buck fanfic knows more about television writing and comes up with better ideas than you do.

To quote David Lynch, fix your heart or die.

[kys02]

SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 5 OF TADC.

Hey everyone! It took me a bit of time to process what happened and piece together a possible timeline of events.

In this post, I’m mostly talking about Jax, but I’ll touch on other characters too, because everyone is always connected.

We’re breaking down episode 5 - and how it even got to this point.

What do we know?

From the flashback and Ragatha’s words, it’s clear: Jax used to have a friend. Thanks to Gooseworx, we know his name - Ribbit.

Most likely, Jax, Ribbit, and Ragatha were close. And it seems like Jax trusted Ribbit, until he abstracted.

After that, everything changes.

Jax’s emotional reaction: He starts acting like he doesn’t care.

Classic avoidant attachment:

“If I trust someone, they’ll disappear - and I’ll be hurt again.”

From this comes a mindset: better to be a jerk than to be vulnerable. He shuts down, distances himself, becomes snarky and mocking - building a persona opposite of the Raghata “good guy.”

That’s when his bond with Ragatha starts to fall apart too. Not an open conflict, but a buildup of resentment and guilt.

Ragatha chooses the “be nice” path - helping, caring, saving. This has become her way of coping with grief. Taking care of everyone to prevent this from happening again. Jax goes the opposite way - he’s biting, aggressive, and openly indifferent.

Enter Pomni

And this is where it gets interesting.

If Jax believes “don’t get attached or you’ll suffer,” why does he suddenly get close to Pomni?

Because he can’t stand being completely alone. He denies his need for connection, but it’s still alive. (NOT in a romantic way!)

And here’s Pomni. New. Vulnerable. Untangled from their old trauma. It’s easier with her. She doesn’t know Ragatha, or the rest of the circus.

He gravitates toward her - and instantly hates himself for it. As soon as Jax feels himself opening up, he runs to a joke.

But how does Ragata cope with this?

He starts “playing” the friend around Pomni in front of Ragatha.

Not because he wants to be nice. But because there’s an unresolved issue.

He still hasn’t forgiven Ragatha for what happened with Ribbit. Maybe he blames her. Maybe himself.

Maybe both. But the pain is still there.

Pomni becomes the battlefield. Jax says “I’m her friend” - not for Pomni, but for Ragatha.

He wants to show: “My way is better. I’m honest, not pretending to be nice. And people still get close to me.” Unlike Ragatha, who he sees as fake.

And here’s the kicker: Pomni was originally going to be a frog - just like Ribbit.

She becomes a symbolic replacement.

Whether consciously or not — Jax repeats the same path.

Only this time, he wants to win. He wants it to work out. He wants Ragatha to see: look, I can do it, without your ‘niceness’.

But he’s still afraid. So he keeps playing the game. This isn’t a fight for friendship - it’s a fight for moral superiority.

He’s competing with Ragatha. Not because she’s an enemy. But because they’re two sides of the same coin.

She hides anger behind a smile. He hides care behind sarcasm.

And when he says in front of her: “Pomni and I are friends!” - he wants to shatter her perfect image. Make her feel what it’s like to be left out.

The way he once felt with Ribbit. It’s a toxic dynamic. And Pomni - isn’t the goal, she’s the tool.

She ends up between two “parents” pulling her in opposite directions.

And it’s awful. But she’s not to blame.

This is a buried, unresolved conflict between Jax and Ragatha.

Why don’t they just talk?

Because to talk - you have to be vulnerable. And that’s what Jax is afraid of.

He’d have to admit: “I care.”

And that means tearing off the mask. Admitting weakness. He’s not ready. So instead of a conversation - we get theater. And in between - Pomni, who never asked to be part of this.

That’s about it!

If you have your own thoughts on this, I’d love to hear them! I’ll be breaking down a bunch of smaller (and not-so-small) moments from this episode later. But this felt like the most important one for now.

Thanks for reading! 💜

[iridescentmirrorsgenshin]

alhaitham and kaveh as 'friends' - full circle

kaveh lying and using ‘his friend’ as a scapegoat for supposedly taking his plans is so um INTERESTING!! given his past references to Alhaitham, and that he was just talked with Alhaitham the scene before, this reads as a direct reference to Alhaitham, meaning that their relationship has come full circle from where we were initially introduced to kaveh

in the archon quest, paimon asks if Alhaitham and kaveh are friends, to which Alhaitham deflects, denoting a negative

but they are denied a friendship status definitively in alhaitham’s story quest where paimon directly asks kaveh if Alhaitham and he are friends, to which kaveh says although they used to be, they aren’t any longer

the game has repeatedly shown that Alhaitham and kaveh possess a deep understanding of each other, only it is their miscommunication and inability to compromise that causes the rift between them. Their character design is based around mirrors, and this ultimately poses the question of whether the two can align their beliefs, whether they can achieve a harmony

overcoming this rift between them begins in a parade of providence, where kaveh’s cycle of self-detriment in his excessive altruism due to his past guilt is particularly focussed on, with alhaitham’s reaction being saddened, and concerned, for kaveh’s mindset – not because his beliefs or philosophies are ‘correct’ over kaveh’s, but because of his belief that kaveh’s mindset negatively impacts him

Alhaitham posits that the issues between them are no longer about the ‘correctness’ of their respective philosophies after looking into sachin’s influence over kaveh’s father, in order to potentially provide kaveh closer, insinuating a more personal reason for the rift between them

It’s after this that a notable shift is seen in their dynamic, with cyno’s second story quest going out of its way to show a flashback in the intimacy of their home, and additionally showing the two voluntarily working together for the first time since their past, abandoned thesis

Their working together demonstrates this harmonisation of not only their personal, scholarly beliefs, but also their reconciliation as people, which can be seen in the two’s closeness, where they previously were separated due to strife – a closeness that is commented on by other characters

In nahida’s birthday event this intimacy is furthered even more, with kaveh wanting mehrak, an important helper companion, to be able to recognise alhaitham’s voice – as of now, this appears to be the only other person, besides himself, whom kaveh has programmed this feature for. Kaveh’s regard for mehrak, established in this scene, then carries over to Alhaitham, demonstrating how kaveh perceives the importance of their bond (i yapped about this more here!)

Going back to kaveh indirectly referring to Alhaitham as his ‘friend’, where this was previously denied, shows a fulfilment Alhaitham and kaveh’s narrative arc :’’’) I am so!?!?! Happy for them well done guys, you got there in the end <3

[antisocialsharky]

ASPD - Reduced To Being Subhuman

Do you know whats its like to be categorically excluded from being human?

Do you know how it feels to know, that no matter how much you work on yourself, no matter what you do, no matter how much you contain your urges and no matter how desperately you try to belong, your entire fucking species has already decided that you are not a part of them?

Its rejection on an uncomprehensible scale. A repetitive slap in the face at every corner. Barely being permitted to walk among them and never more than that.

Fake promises of letting you in, while never stopping to cast you out. Demands of your action and care, while keeping the possibility of actually doing it out of your reach. Its fucked.

"What seperates humans from other animals, is their ability to form deep bonds with others, work together on a big scale, feel deep empathy and care for one another and go against ones survival instinct to protect others out of love"

"If you don't feel empathy, you're not human"

"Art is what connects people, the deeply embedded emotions in it, that can only be felt and understood, if you have what it takes to be human. The ability to feel with others"

"The most important thing for humans is connection and community. Caring about each other, feeling for each other and not having any intentions to harm others"

"Those who harm others are sick and don't belong. They're not human, cus if they were, their empathy and guilt and morals would prevent them from doing it"

If the core of being a human is to feel with others, to care, to connect, to subscribe to morals and to experience all of these things on the regular, that suggests, that those who do not feel that and cannot do that, aren't human.

This would only be an assumption, if it wasn't fucking proven to us in every goddamn moment of our existence.

The world is full of the insistence that without empathy, without connection, without morals, you're not human. It starts with music and books circling around the concept and ends with people using a lack of empathy as an explanation for any depraved thing they can think of.

Its impossible to exist, to consume, to live, without being assaulted by lines and images that question your very right to exist and be a member of this species.

If your love isn't an emotional care for others, its not human.

If your friendship isn't based on deep emotional connection, its not human.

If your care isn't based on genuine distress at seeing the other upset/in pain, its not human.

If your activism isn't based on being emotionally appalled and angry and distressed about what you're seeing, its not human.

If your actions aren't based on morals that are important to you, they're not human.

If you cannot understand art and do not feel moved by books and songs and movies, you're not human.

If you wouldn't go out of your way to save others, you're not human.

If your apology isn't motivated by genuine remorse, its not human.

If your behavior change isn't motivated by genuine care and guilt, its not human.

Not human. Not human. Not human. Never fucking human.

Do you know that they call those who they perceive as not human? Monsters. Sick. Deranged. Insane.

Do you know what things they classify as monstrous and sick and deranged and insane?

• not feeling empathy

• not feeling remorse

• being aggressive

• feeling pleasure at other peoples suffering

• feeling pleasure at your own suffering

• making reckless impulsive decisions

• living in a different reality

• being able to handle and look at topics they find morally wrong

• being obsessed instead of feeling love

• lying and being manipulative

• breaking laws

• not thinking about other people's safety/health

• being self obsessed or grandiose

• mood swings/erractic mood

• and basically every other symptom of all the mh conditions

Its not just behaviors that could cause harm, that make you a monster in their eyes. Its your brain. Its who you are. You will never actually be human in their eyes, because you lack everything they require in order to see you as human.

They make that clear by defining healthy relationships with these human qualities.

They make that clear by having them be part of job descriptions.

They make that clear by having them as community guidelines and rules.

They make that clear by inserting them into laws and judging you based on them in court.

They make that clear by defining their prosocial society based on them.

Without the human qualities, you will never be their equal. You will never get to experience what they do, you can always just watch from the outside and imagine what it might be like.

They make fake promises, telling you, that if only you went to therapy, if only you changed, if only you took those meds, if only you just followed what they told...you would finally get to be human.

But no. They may pretend. They may accept the show you put on as barely passing, but their requirements will not change and you're still not meeting them. You're tolerated, not accepted.

And they still don't want you there. If they did, they wouldn't make therapy so hard to access, they wouldn't continue spreading the stigma in psych lectures, they wouldn't continue refusing you treatment, they wouldn't continue telling you that you're destined for prison, they wouldn't demand for the d*ath pentalty to be brought back for people like you.

If they truly wanted you there, they would change the requirements for what makes you a human being. They don't.

So you do the only thing that is left for you. Your only option.

You find comfort in sickness. You make yourself at home in your deranged insane mind. You embrace the monster.

You adjust to being aggressive first and anything else later. You grow comfortable with the demons in your brain suggesting violent ideas. You get used to your fascination with the morbid and wrong. You learn to tolerate the loneliness and absence of others and your own emotions. You grow okay with recklessly and impulsively ruining your and other peoples lifes every now and then.

You embrace who you are and maybe you push the boundaries and delve deeper into the sickness of your own mind. Cuddling up under blankets of new levels of violence. Resting on added defenses and removing yourself further and further from other peoples idea of what and who you should be.

It doesn't always stop the longing. You might still catch yourself desperately hoping that maybe you can change, maybe you will get to experience those things as deeply and humanely as others do. You might grow frustrated and angry with yourself when you can't. You might lie in anguish, tossing and turning while your brain throws insults at you and repeats how much of a failure you are for being subhuman, not wanted, not perfect.

But maybe the longing becomes less. Maybe you don't need to be angry with yourself quite as often. Maybe you can be understood by other monsters, by others who are sick and insane and deranged. Maybe you can finally talk freely about your thoughts and your emotions and your urges.

Maybe you didn't need to be human afterall. Maybe being a monster is enough.

first posted on my instagram (same @)

[biinaberry]

Did I make an au just for a rarepair? Yes, but heres my idea of a shen twin au

In my version Shen Yuan transmigrates into the body of 5 yr old Shen Shi, twin of Shen Jiu. It is very important to note that in this au SJ and YQ refer to SY with "A-Shi" and "Xiao-Shi" respectively, and SY takes up the identity of Shen Shi. SY is also fully cognizant when he migrates so he has the complete thoughts of a 20~ yr old while in the body of a 5 yr old. This causes some major dysphoria and also anger at the helplessness of being in a body that does not fit him and also the fact that he has no social nor physical power because he is a child. He also views SJ and YQ as his little brothers even if he is actually the youngest physically.

He eventually is taken in my the Qiu family alongside his brother. It is when SJ starts to bond with Qiu Haitang that it finally pieces together that his brother is going to be SQQ and grieves for the events that he knows is going to happen to him. The building rage and anger at the helplessness of the situation culminates in Shen Yuan starting the massacre with SJ instantly jumping in and causing the majority of deaths. When SJ carries out the unconscious body of Qiu Haitang SY realizes the opportunity in front of him. He knows that she is going to be the kickstarter of his brother's downfall and in that moment grabs the nearest weapon, and with a heavy heart, kills her as SJ watches in shock. He turns to SJ telling him "You can't leave any witnesses, they always eventually spill" before both run off. I dont know what to do with the Wu Yanzi so I'm ignoring it for now. And im also unsure if he gets a system but we'll see.

Eventually they meet up with Yue Qi now Yue Qingyuan and the anger SJ has towards him. SY is also angry but its more so for SJ's sake than his own. The two of them become a part of Cang Qiong sect and while SJ is taken in by the Qing Jing peak, SY is taken in by the beast and flora peak (which I do not have named). They both become head disciples and later peak lords. SY also is able to clock that SQH is not the original version due to airplane saying a modern phrase and a friendship forms. SY is also the one to start biting and defending his brother when QQQ or LQG take potshots at him. It's while they are still disciples that SY meets Su Xiyan while hes on a mission and they worked together for a bit before SXY split. They continued to meet up until eventually a friendship formed and SY meets TLJ a "companion" of SXY. SY clocks who the two of them are goes to SQH to learn all he can about them and their future. SXY and TLJ eventually fall for each other and SY makes sure to prevent the palace master from finding out as long as he can. He also warns them about the palace master and to not trust any letters not hand delivered by SY as he will act as a middle person to make sure no one intercepts them. It is also during this time that SXY and TLJ both gain interest in SY. Neither can explain fully why but his autistic swag, photographic memory and ability to name drop paragraph long information in seconds intrigued them. They start courting him, shen yuan is of course oblivious. It is also important that SY introduced himself to TLJ and SXY with the name "Shen Yuan" so only the two of them refer to each other as such. He also clocks when SXY is pregnant and tells her as such when symptoms start to show and again, not to trust the palace master. By this time he is now a peak lord alongside his brother.

Eventually the old palace master finds out and instead of targeting TLJ, he first targets their lynch pin, shen yuan. He sends letters to SJ and YQY about SY being a traitor. Showing him being a demon sympathizer and hanging out sect secrets that actually SQH was leaking due to the system. SY is captures, a trial occurs and SY is charged as guilty with the punishment of execution, but YQY and SJ object. Since it was CQ secrets he was sharing they have the official say. So instead of execution they instead lock him up on the beast peak using talismans and sigils. He is not allowed to talk to anyone besides fellow peak lords and his head disciple. He cannot leave the peak without another peak lord monitoring him and this also applies when teaching. This lockdown completely breaks him as he lost trust with his family and the confinement dives him crazy as a peak lord he commonly left to document and work upon his bestiaries. This leaves him in a depressive state and constantly paranoid as he cant trust anyone. And No One has told him definitive news if SXY and TLJ are safe, SQH has confirmed that TLJ was not captured and helped SXY but he has no clue where they are now and if baby LBH is with them. As SY is confined on his mountain he stops caring about appearances and starts wasting away seen in image 3. I havent figured the rest out with LBH but he does become a part of cang qiong sect under Qing Jing, the abuse he faces stays the same. If he is raised with TLJ and SXY or by the washer woman I do not know yet. LBH hearing about the rumors of a monster on the beast peak heads out and comes face to face with SY who is delighted to see him but also horrified that about 14+ years have now passed. This pushes him a little out of his depressive episode because now he has a son to take care of and he can't waste away in front of him. He needs to act strong. He teaches LBH the best he can while contained and tells him about his parents. The two form a father son dynamic where both cant really escape the situation they are in but at least have each other for company. SY also holds onto LBH's jade pendant so it isnt lost. He also tells LBH that if he meets a demon named TLJ, to mention the name Shen Yuan.

While on a mission LBH meets up with TLJ and tells him that he's met SY and TLJ loses it (pos). He asks where he is as SXY and TLJ have been trying to find him with no success. He is told that hes on the beast peak in cang qiong and has been contained there for the last 16 years. TLJ then hatches a game plan to free him and the decide to use the immortal conference as a distraction. Most of the cultivation world will be at that conference so minimal security will be held at the sect. They use this to their advantage. TLJ strikes a deal with MBJ to cause a distraction to keep the cultivation world on the two of them even if alarms go off that SY is escaping. MBJ agrees to this as TLJ allows him to target any huan hua disciple he sees (they dont tell SXY this). While they cause a distraction by appearing on the 7th day of the conference, SXY sneaks into cang qiong peak and works on the talisman and sigils. This works and eventually she gets to SY he sees the bad shape he is in, but it was better than what LBH originally saw. The two of them start crying and SXY activates a 2 way communication artifact with TLJ telling him it was a success.

TLJ then turns to MBJ and MBJ teleports, appears in front of SXY and SY and teleports the two of them to the demon world. TLJ then turns to his son who's demon seal now broke and decides to do some father son bonding and the two both go into the eternal abyss together, as this is a tradition for heavenly demons. The two of them return after 1-2 years and have MBJ teleport them out rather than using Xin Mo.

[cobaltperun]

The Catalyst (2) - Colder

WandaNat x Female Reader

Chapter summary: Even though you worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. for years you’ve never been keen on mind games. Yet it seems like this whole situation is a big mind game.

Spotify Playlist

Masterlist / First Part / Next Part

Word Count: 5k

-Broken the rules I followed burning for name so hollow-

The tension on the quinjet could be cut with a knife, and it was suffocating. No one was comfortable, not the agents assigned to watch Banner, not Banner himself, although you figured he wasn’t tense because of his own issues. Oh, no, while most people were tense because of him, or rather the ‘Other Guy’ he was more uncomfortable by the tension between you and Natasha. You didn’t look in her direction, even if you felt her eyes on you every now and then, that same piercing gaze you once loved now only made you irritated.

“For what it’s worth I didn’t intend to cause whatever this is,” Banner raised his hands, probably feeling a bit responsible for this.

“You didn’t,” you told him, still slightly reeling from the last conversation with Natasha. Now she had the nerve to talk about ‘what ifs’ to get angry at you for putting yourself in danger. She had no right to do that, to feel that. And what angered you even more was your own impulsive decision to put your life on the line for her sake.

You could feel Natasha’s eyes on you once again, and you knew she was biting her tongue, not wanting to talk things out in front of this many people. The initial shock of being in the same place again wore off, but now there was just tension.

“Right,” Bruce didn’t quite buy it. “If you say so, Agent L/N,” you whipped your head toward him with a glare.

“I’m not an agent,” you retorted angrily. You were done with that, done with Fury, done with Natasha, done with the whole organization and its stupidly long name that just so happened to perfectly fit into an acronym shield.

Bruce’s eyes widened and he nodded, not wanting to escalate things further, but you could see he was starting to piece together a broad picture. Just like you he also got the reports, but he didn’t have much time of need to go through them. He was piecing it all together as he went.

The rest of the flight was uneventful, spent in near deafening silence aside from Natasha informing Hill that you were landing in five minutes. You looked outside the window when helicarrier came into view and old memories came back, all the missions you went on with other agents, the bonds and friendships you made. For the first time since you stepped back onto the quinjet you glanced toward Natasha, and your eyes met immediately and it was as if she was silently welcoming you back, even after everything.

And you despised that it was affecting you. Like the scent of her perfume that reminded you of the feelings you once had, that look, the same one she’d give you when you’d meet up after being sent on different missions, reminded you of the happier times.

“I’m going to find Fury,” you hastily announced the moment the quinjet landed, you couldn’t be around her right now. Not when it felt like your heart was going to explode any second now. You marched straight for the bridge, ignoring the agents around you. You weren’t running, but you were clearly in a rush, and you were barely keeping your emotions in check. All of this was just one horrible idea. Some agents knew you, some joined after you left, either way they all seemed to know why you were on the helicarrier. Or perhaps they just had more important issues to deal with at the moment.

You placed your hand on the ID scan. You no longer had your ID on you, not that it mattered, a tiny spark triggered the mechanism, and the doors opened.

“Agent L/N, I see you’re comfortable with your powers now,” Fury’s voice boomed from above you and you glared at him from the doors, standing there, overlooking everything and everyone.

“I’m not your agent,” he had the nerve to act like nothing was wrong, like he also didn’t have a hand in leaving you to die, you sneered at him as you finally slowed down your pace, walking up the stairs instead of rushing. You accepted to come here, you wouldn’t harm him or anyone here, but you were sure as hell going to tell him everything that was on your mind.

Fury looked at you like you were a petulant child refusing to behave. “Yet you’re here,” he didn’t care what your reasons were, or if you were or weren’t his agent, he was just that desperate.

You could hear the murmurs around you, coming from various agents, some of them considered taking action, getting between you and their director, but the older agents talked some sense into them. It didn’t matter. You only cared about letting Fury have a piece of your mind. “And you’re desperate. Losing Clint, losing that cube, relying on a bunch of people that at best have one common goal, sending Natasha to get me,” you listed as you walked up to him, looking right into his eye. He was taller than you, though not by that much.

Fury was as firm and unbreakable as ever, believing his cause to be righteous, no matter the cost. Believing that he stood in the shadows of whatever would stand between the threat that was coming and peace on Earth. “I am very desperate agent L/N, desperate enough to put my faith in a handful of people to become a team,” he replied in that same steady and confident tone. When you were younger you admired how he always seemed to be in control.

That confidence seemed like a façade right now. You’ve read the reports, he was in over his head and doing what Fury always did best, using every available and controllable resource to its’ fullest.

You raised an eyebrow as an ironic, sour smile spread across your face. “You had a team. Remember? The X-Men? Before your bosses turned on them,” you took a few steps back and jumped over to the rows of computers. “You couldn’t put your faith in the powers you feared, could you?” you spread your arms, and almost in an instant the heat rose in the room. Your eyes turned bright blue, as bright as your flames. One of the agents fired at you despite the warnings, but a burst of flames engulfed the bullet, melting it before it could reach you.

“Don’t waste bullets, she’s just showing off,” Fury wasn’t nervous, he wasn’t worried, he just observed as flames and lightning danced around you, forming long ribbon-like shapes tied to your wrists.

You breathed out and the flames and lighting vanished, letting your eyes return to normal. “I’m not going to move a finger, I’m not going to fight, I’m not going to save a single agent, I’m not going to interfere no matter what happens, unless civilians are in danger. And I sure as hell am not going to let you depower me again,” those days were behind you, days when you were so worried about your powers that you willingly let S.H.I.E.L.D. depower you just so you didn’t have to worry about hurting someone by accident.

~X~

Natasha led Rogers and Banner to the bridge, comfortable with the busy procedure on the helicarrier. It did little to ease her worries, even with all the technology at their disposal they still haven’t tracked Loki or Clint and she was thrown right back into that mission three years ago. Only this time the full force of S.H.I.E.L.D. was trying to track down Loki and Clint. She looked at Fury as she entered the bridge. She wasn’t stupid or naïve, if this was just about Clint, none of this would be happening. As Fury had proven before, one agent, no matter how good or valuable, wasn’t worth all these resources.

And then there you were, leaning against the wall, all the way in the back and not really doing anything. You had no intention of helping until the very last moment, and as much as Natasha wished things were different, she understood. She was still surprised you even heard her out, let alone came along.

She left you, she chose to complete the mission and you spent almost a month in captivity, waiting for the effects of mutant depowering serum to wear off. She could have gone rogue, but she didn’t. ‘Nat, I need- I’ll bleed out-‘ those were the last words you spoke to her before she ended everything between you with one simple sentence. ‘I don’t have the permission to use it,’ it being the syringe containing the antidote to depowering serum. You didn’t argue after that and a minute later the communication was cut off.

Yet you still got between her and Banner at the first hint of danger, and she wished you didn’t. She didn’t deserve it, especially knowing it wasn’t something you decided to do, but rather an impulsive, almost instinctive reaction.

She couldn’t let that happen again. Not you putting yourself in danger for her, or abandoning her loved ones. No matter what happened she would get Clint back. It wouldn’t fix what she did, but she just didn’t want to lose someone that precious to her again.

She crouched down next to a computer searching for Clint. With no clue as to where Loki could be there was simply no way to find Clint in time. There was no way to guarantee that Loki would keep Clint alive, or that Clint would remain useful to Loki until they could get to him.

“It’s still not gonna find them in time,” she voiced as much after Coulson explained things to Banner and Rogers. She could see you folding your arms from the corner of her eye, probably thinking about the mission. Bitterly thinking you weren’t worth this three years ago, not to S.H.I.E.L.D. and not to her.

“Agent Romanoff, would you show Doctor Banner to his laboratory, please?” Fury’s order snapped her out of her thoughts and she stood up, hoping to lead Banner to the laboratory and then go and take her frustration out in the gym. As it was, she couldn’t do anything to speed up the search, so she might as well distract herself.

~X~

You’ve been gone for three years but it took less than half an hour to get used to the organized chaos in front of you. Hundreds of moving parts, all directed by Fury, moving like one well-oiled machine. It was frightening how quickly you got comfortable right where you were; you almost itched to get to work.

“Y/N, it’s good to see you again,” Coulson approached you with a friendly smile on his face.

“You too, I suppose,” you didn’t mind seeing him, or Maria Hill, and you’d be happy to see Clint again, it was mostly Natasha and Fury that you had issues with. The others followed orders, and they weren’t there to pretty much tell you they didn’t trust you to use your powers even if it meant it would save your life.

Coulson leaned against the wall right next to you and pulled a USB stick out of his pocket. “You might want to take a look at this when you have the time,” he told you in that usual semi-cryptic manner of his. It used to annoy you back when you first joined S.H.I.E.L.D. but over the years it became one of Coulson’s endearing traits.

“What is it?” you figured there was no harm in taking a look at it, even if you did take it from one of the best spies in S.H.I.E.L.D.

“The documents related to that mission. Including the aftermath, all the way until after we found you again,” he said and you nearly burnt it to crisp, you felt the flames dancing just underneath the tips of your fingers, itching to come out and turn it to ashes. “Do it for all the years we worked together,” he tried to convince you, but you were very much tempted to chuck it into the ocean. “She hasn’t let anyone call her ‘Nat’ since then, not even Clint. Thought you should know that before you burn that bridge down entirely,” he pulled away from the wall and went over to Steve Rogers.

You glared at the USB stick and shoved it into your pocket. There was nothing there that you cared about, but somehow you couldn’t throw it away, especially when you saw Natasha rushing in again, now dressed in her uniform. Barely a minute later Sitwell got a match on Loki.

You said you wouldn’t move a finger, wouldn’t do anything, and you were about to keep your word. You watched as Steve Rogers got ready to get on the quinjet again, as Natasha led him to it, focused on the mission and determined to find Clint as well. “Damn it,” you cursed and went after them.

“You’re coming as well?” Rogers asked you when you caught up to him and Natasha right as they were getting on board.

“Just in case,” you then figured you haven’t introduced yourself. “I’m Y/N L/N,” you told him and he nodded.

“Steve Rogers,” he said and offered you his hand. You shook it and went to the pilot seat, you lowered your glaive next to the seat while Natasha sat next to you. For a moment it seemed like you were acting the same way you did before she left you to die.

There was no need for words, no need to look at each other, you had a job to do, and you’d do it. Back then it was done with practiced ease, coming almost naturally to both of you, now there was just a hint of hesitation, a moment of delay before everything settled into the practiced routine.

Before long you were in Stuttgart and you came just in time to catch Loki making people kneel before him. “Gives the whole god-complex a new meaning, doesn’t it?” you muttered as Rogers jumped down and protected the old man that refused to kneel.

“You can say that again,” Natasha agreed as you flew closer to Loki and she lowered the gun. “Loki, drop the weapon and stand down,” she ordered over the speaker, but Loki merely pointed his spear at the quinjet and fired.

You were surprised by his attack, but you tilted the quinjet to the side, dodging the blast in time. You and Natasha watched as Rogers fought with Loki. He was holding his own, but Loki had an upper hand. “I should go down there,” you went to stand up, ready to let someone else fly the quinjet, but Natasha quickly grabbed your forearm. Her touch felt hotter than your own fire and you looked at her, studied the way her lower lip trembled slightly.

“Don’t,” she didn’t look you in the eyes, she didn’t say anything else, but her hand trembled ever so slightly and that was enough.

Coulson’s comment echoed in your mind, and you reluctantly gave up on joining the fight head-on. “Fine,” you said. “Can you take a shot?”

Natasha shook her head. “Guy’s all over the place,” Clint could have, and maybe she could have done it too, but Rogers was down there as well.

You were about to reply but then ‘Shoot to Thrill’ by AC/DC began playing through the speakers. “Agent Romanoff, you miss me?” Tony Stark’s voice came through the comms and you glanced at Natasha. It was subtle, but she smiled.

Stark flew in in his armor and blasted Loki back and all you and Natasha could do was watch as Stark landed, pointing a shit-ton of weapons at Loki. “Make a move, Reindeer Games.”

Loki raised his hands as his garb faded away. “That’s it?” you expected more as you began landing the quinjet.

“It’s too easy,” Natasha said and as much as you hated to admit it you agreed with her.

“Something’s wrong. We better keep an eye on him,” you landed the quinjet and Rogers and Stark got on with Loki between them.

“Swap with me,” Natasha told you and you nodded, letting her pilot the quinjet. You grabbed your glaive and stood on the side, ready just in case Loki tried anything.

Loki was… not quite what you expected. When you read about the Asgardians, the people that were supposed to be the gods of Nordic mythology you kind of expected more. Yet he looked like a regular human, clearly more powerful, but he could easily blend in if he wanted to. There was something in his eyes, in his demeanor, something dangerous, cunning.

“I don’t like it,” Rogers suddenly said, and you noticed he and Stark were also watching Loki.

“What? Rock of Ages giving up so easily?” Stark replied, clearly not bothered by any of this.

“I don’t remember it being that easy. This guy packs a wallop,” Rogers took the whole situation a lot more seriously.

“Didn’t think I’d hear that anytime soon,” you commented, still mostly focused on Loki. You felt a change in the air and went back to Natasha. She glanced back at you as you leaned over her shoulder. “Be careful, there’s a storm suddenly approaching,” you whispered and then realized how close you were. “Sorry,” you pulled away. You intended to keep the information between the two of you. You tucked your hand into your pocket, brushing your fingers across the USB stick. It was tempting you.

“It’s fine,” Natasha reassured you just as lightning flashed in front of the quinjet. “Doesn’t seem like a regular storm,” she noticed and it definitely wasn’t natural. It felt aimed.

Something crashed onto the top of the quinjet and you grabbed onto Natasha’s seat to steady yourself. You looked up, feeling immense power clinging to the quinjet. “Thor? Probably?” judging by the power being lightning and the data you got, that was the only option that came to your mind.

Stark opened the back hatch the moment he had his helmet back on and you went to Loki, grabbing onto his shoulder and leaving a trace of your own lightning on the metal shoulder guard.

Just as you did that Thor entered the quinjet and hit Stark with his hammer before Stark could shoot him. Stark landed on Rogers and Thor went right for Loki.

“Not in the mood to talk?” you raised your glaive, clashing it with the hammer, only to immediately feel the force of Thor’s attack. You didn’t even have time to activate your powers, he just swept you aside and took Loki.

“That guy’s a friendly?” Rogers asked as he and Stark got back to their feet.

“Someone needs to teach you what friendly means,” you grumbled as you sat up and massaged your right shoulder. You hit one of the seats when Thor swept you aside and with the force he put behind his swing it certainly wasn’t a fun experience.

“Doesn’t matter. If he frees Loki, or kills him, the Tesseract’s lost,” Stark approached the ramp, clearly intending to go after Thor and Loki.

“Stark, we need a plan of attack,” Rogers warned him.

“I have a plan. Attack!” and off he went, and by the looks of it, Rogers intended to do the same as he went to grab a parachute.

“I’d sit this one out, Cap,” Natasha told him from her seat.

“I don’t see how I can,” Rogers already made up his mind though, and you had to admit it fit the legends about him.

“Quite easy, you just stay here,” you still suggested as you got up and went over to Natasha once again.

“Not an option,” and he just jumped, leaving you and Natasha and a handful of agents on the quinjet.

“Well, while the primary colors are hashing things out how about we retrieve Loki?” you asked and let a few sparks circle your hand. “I know exactly where to find him. Okay, I know roughly where to find him,” you said and Natasha nodded, following your directions to where Loki was.

Surprisingly he was just sitting there, as if waiting to be picked up once again. And no one was in sight. Not Stark, not Rogers, or Thor. “You’d think he’d try to escape,” you muttered, confused by his decision.

“We need to be careful,” Natasha told you. You couldn’t tell if Loki had any way to destroy the quinjet if she just landed it so there really was only one course of action you could take. One stays on the quinjet, the other faces the god of mischief.

“I’ll bring him back in,” you decided and went outside to meet Loki.

“Ah, the mutant. Firestorm, right?” he knew you, he knew everyone. “You aren’t afraid you’ll be left behind?” he mocked, hitting right where it hurt.

Clearly Clint told him a lot more than you originally thought. “Stopping you is worth the risk,” you didn’t deny it, he was right. You didn’t trust anyone anymore, the only difference was that this time it wouldn’t matter. You could defend yourself.

Thunder blasted from the forest below the cliff you and Loki were standing on. “Already tearing each other apart,” he seemed amused.

“Imagine what they’ll do to you,” you pointed your glaive at him and then at the quinjet. “Let’s go,” keeping Loki on the quinjet with just you and Natasha there wasn’t exactly the smartest move, but you figured a display of power was needed in this situation.

“Of course,” yet he didn’t resist, he didn’t object, he still had that smug look on his face as if this was exactly what he wanted. And that put you on edge more than anything.

~X~

The job was done for now, Loki was locked up, most of the team was here, Fury would do the talking for now. You found an empty room with computers and plugged the USB stick Coulon gave you in and there they were. Files upon files, the details of the mission, everyone involved and the data on them.

You sighed, looking at the words in front of you yet not really focusing on them. It was supposed to be a simple mission, it wasn’t supposed to end with you, impaled and bleeding out. With Natasha leaving and you being captured. You skipped through the mission reports and moved on to another file where you saw Natasha’s activity log. A day after the mission she was hacking into the databases, cameras, clearly looking for something. Unauthorized search after unauthorized search, all in hopes she would be able to track you.

“One day too late, Natasha,” you muttered to yourself. If she was going to disobey orders she should have done so during the mission, not a day later when you were already being held captive and tortured by the Red Room.

You went through more files and eventually stumbled upon a familiar scene. The remnants of the Red Room base you were kept in, or what was left of it after you could finally properly use your powers. The photos were taken shortly after you escaped, the place was still burning. In the end she found you, came to get you, probably. Or maybe it was someone else, there was no way of knowing at this point.

A week later Fury and Coulson tracked you and you threw your badge at their feet. You leaned back against the chair and just stared at the ceiling. It didn’t fix anything, but it did bring you some comfort that she did actually try to look for you.

With a heavy sigh you turned back to the computer and got access to the cameras where Loki was kept. Surprisingly you saw Natasha walking up to the cell.

“Right, of course,” of course Fury would send her. If there was one person who could interrogate Loki, it was Natasha.

“Hm. There’s not many people that can sneak up on me,” despite the current circumstances you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. She was that good. Too good actually.

“But you figured I’d come,” you missed seeing her work. Loki may be wielding magic, but Natasha’s interrogations were magical in their own way,

“After. After whatever tortures Fury can concoct, you would appear as a friend, as a balm. And I would cooperate,” Loki assumed, as if expecting Fury would underestimate him like that.

“I wanna know what you’ve done to Agent Barton,” your eyes widened when you heard Natasha say that and for a moment you weren’t sure if Fury sent her or if she came on her own. You could barely see her face, but from what you could see there was that sense of desperation, hidden deep behind the mask she put on.

“I’d say I’ve expanded his mind,” Loki taunted, provoked her.

Natasha tilted her head to the side and then began approaching him. “And once you’ve won. Once you’re king of the mountain,” she crossed her arms and stood right in front of him. “What happens to his mind?”

“Is this love, Agent Romanoff? Got over Agent L/N that quickly?” Loki kept hitting right where it hurt and you clenched your fist. Clint clearly still had those ideas in his head, and here was the enemy, taunting Natasha with that.

“Love is for children. I owe him a debt,” Natasha ignored the second question, but you saw it. The way she squeezed her arm just a bit harder gave her away.

“Tell me,” Loki invited her to keep talking as he stepped away from the glass.

Natasha paused, opened her mouth once, then closed it. And then she also took a few steps back. “Before I worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. I uh, well, I made a name for myself,” she sat down on a chair near the railing while Loki also sat down. “I have a very specific skill set. I didn’t care who I used it for, or on. I got on S.H.I.E.L.D.’s radar in a bad way. Agent Barton was sent to kill me, he made a different call,” she explained her story, the basics of it. Judging by everything Loki already knew he was probably familiar with this as well.

“And what will you do if I vow to spare him?” he tested the waters, trusted that he was in control, that he was the one manipulating her. As if she didn’t catch on that he already knew everything she revealed.

“Not let you out,” Natasha shut that idea down immediately.

“Ah, no. But I like this. Your world in the balance, and you bargain for one man?” and there was nothing fake about it. She really wanted to get Clint back, and she was willing to do almost anything to accomplish that. A bitter thought that you weren’t worth that crossed your mind once again but you pushed it to the back of your mind.

Natasha raised an eyebrow, indifferent to who ruled the world, and that was so like her. “Regimes fall everyday. I tend not to weep over that, I’m Russian, or I was,” you had to smile when you head her say that so nonchalantly.  

“And what are you now?” Loki inquired, encouraging her to share.

“It’s really not that complicated,” she stood up again and closed the distance between her and Loki. “I got red in my ledger. I’d like to wipe it out,” your smile fell. The ledger. Natasha’s only reason for doing any of this. Her desire to earn her redemption, you knew all about it. Apparently, some things never change.

“Can you? Can you wipe out that much red? Dreykov’s daughter?” your eyes widened as you realized just how much Clint told him. “Sao Paulo? The hospital fire? Barton told me everything,” he approached the glass once more, sneering at Natasha as she tried to keep her composure. There was no way that wasn’t affecting her.

“Stop,” you stood up, gripping the table so hard it was starting to crack.

Yet Loki didn’t stop. “Your ledger is dripping, it’s gushing red, and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child, a prayer. Pathetic,” with every word his voice grew harsher, angrier, aiming to hurt her in any way he could. “You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code, something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away.”

You tried to turn the program off, but it wouldn’t close. “Fury,” you couldn’t keep watching, but he clearly wanted you to see it.

You watched as Loki slammed his fist against the glass and Natasha flinched, jumped back, more startled than you’ve ever seen her. And you pushed away from the table and went to open the doors only to find it was sealed shut.

“I won’t touch Barton! Not until I make him kill you. Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear,” you were stuck there, listening to Loki, imagining Natasha’s face. There was no way this wasn’t getting to her.

“And then he’ll wake just long enough to see his good work and when he screams, I’ll split his skull! This is my bargain, you mewling quim!” blue flames burst around you threatening to burn the whole room down and lightning crackled, but you still heard Natasha sobbing.

“You’re a monster!” she sobbed, and you cried out, charging a ball of lightning to send right at the computer.

“Oh, no. You brought the monster,” Loki taunted, and just as you were about to make the computer explode Natasha spoke up.

“So, Banner? That’s your play,” she sounded completely calm, but you knew her, there was a turmoil inside of her. And Loki would pay for it. You blew up the computer anyway, just to release a bit of that frustration. It didn’t help. Nothing would help until Loki was beaten and made to pay for what he just did.

Taglist: @toxicitytiger @wandaromamoff69 @womenarehotsstuff @psychickryptonitebouquet @seventeen-x @maddsdotorg @arualdcg @ilovemybabygirlmoon

Masterlist / First Part / Next Part

[astrolook]

🌟Moon-Moon Synastry Aspects: How Positive or Negative Dynamics Depend on Individual Charts 💖

Note: These are all based on my personal observations and patterns I’ve noticed over the years. Western astrology based. Let me know in the comments if any of this hits home for you! And feel free to leave what doesn’t resonate.

Side note: When checking synastry, it’s super important to look at the natal position of the planets in both charts. It gives way more context to how the aspect will actually play out.

If both planets are in benefic houses - 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 7th, 9th, or 11th, the connection usually feels smooth, natural, and has long-term potential. You’re likely to feel seen, safe, and supported emotionally.

If both planets are in malefic houses - 6th, 8th, or 12th, it’s more intense. This can bring up wounds, shadow work, or even karmic themes, but there’s also potential for healing and a deep emotional bond if both are willing to grow through it.

Now if one planet is in a benefic house and the other in a malefic house, that’s where things can feel off. Even soft aspects like conjunctions, trines or sextiles might feel flat, a little boring, or emotionally meh... It can amplify tension in harsh aspects too. There’s still something there, but it might take more effort to really feel in sync.

Moon Opposition Moon

This aspect is often seen as a challenge for compatibility, mainly because it is thought to create a lack of emotional understanding between two people. However, I disagree, as the true dynamic depends on other aspects and house overlays.

In romance, one thinks of a song, and the other sings it. Watching a movie, one is about to comment, and the other says it first. It is all about mirroring each other’s vibes. It is like sharing a brain with two different moods. When they are near, your skin feels electric.

Now, if one’s Moon is in the 6th, 8th, or 12th house, aspecting the other’s 1st, 4th, 7th, or 10th house, it can indeed lead to emotional disconnect and misunderstanding. But, if both Moons fall in, say, the 6th, 8th, or 12th houses, that can create a more profound, even unconditional love and understanding.

For ex, my cousin has her Moon is in the 8th house, opposite her mother’s 4th house Moon. They always had issues, with frequent arguments and periods of no contact. But interestingly, her partner’s Moon is also in opposition. Her 8th house Aries Moon opposes her partner’s 12th house Libra Moon. Despite the challenges, they mirror each other perfectly and get along really well. However, when it comes to her mom, she tends to make excuses to avoid interaction altogether. It is all about how the Moons interact within the individual charts and the dynamics they create.

Moon Conjunct Moon

This aspect creates a deep, effortless emotional connection between two people. You both just get each other, like you’re on the same emotional wavelength. It’s perfect for friendships, parents and siblings because it makes understanding each other’s feelings so easy. You know what the other person is thinking without having to say a word.

When it comes to partners, it feels more like you’re best friends than lovers. It can feel a bit like living with a roommate rather than being a passionate couple. The bond is strong, but it’s often more about companionship than fiery romance. You’ll share a lot of quiet, comfortable moments together.

If both Moons are in the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 7th, 9th, 10th or 11th houses, this conjunction can be super fruitful, bringing out the best in both of you. But if one Moon is in the 10th house conjuncting the other in the 6th, expect more of a parent-child dynamic to develop at some point. One person may end up being the “second parent,” helping with things like career, finances, and overall life guidance, almost like an enabler.

However, if both Moons are in the 6th, 8th, or 12th houses, this connection can get very emotional and deeply tied. It’s a bond that goes beyond surface level, with both of you emotionally invested and connected in a way that feels almost unbreakable. It can also be incredibly nurturing and would take care of each other's emotional needs.

Moon Square Moon

When Moon squares Moon, it’s like trying to sync two completely different playlists. These two likely grew up with very different emotional worlds, and that can lead to tension, especially around family matters or even with their mother-in-law if they’re married. They might unintentionally overstep boundaries but it's never out of spite, they just care deeply. The issue is that the way they show affection or emotions doesn’t always line up, and that can cause some awkwardness. One might feel the other’s way of expressing emotions is too much, or not enough.

But when the vibe is good, it’s great as they can be playful and light-hearted, almost like two kids in their own world. However, when things go south, it can feel intense. Both are pretty sensitive to each other’s moods, so a small disagreement can quickly blow up, but then it also fizzles out just as fast. They may end up in some funny or uncomfortable situations, but those are the moments they’ll laugh about later. If they stick around long enough, they’ll be super attached to each other, even if they drive each other insane. This kind of bond pushes them to grow emotionally and act in ways they normally wouldn’t.

This aspect requires both to work hard at understanding each other. For instance, if one has a Capricorn Moon and the other an Aries Moon, their differences will really show. Capricorn might find Aries' spontaneity too much to handle and there’s an undeniable hatred or resentment there. On the other hand, if one person has a Sagittarius Moon and the other has a Pisces Moon, the emotional connection might flow more naturally with lots of potential for lasting affection.

This dynamic works best if both Moons land in the 6th, 8th or 12th houses OR in 1-5,7,9-11 houses. If one Moon is in 8th Leo and other's Moon is in Scorpio 11th, things can get pretty heated fast and might build resentment or hold grudges overtime. If one's Moon is in 7th squaring other's moon in 10th, both parties would work with their differences and will feel truly seen by the other.

Moon Trine/Sextile Moon

Moon trine or sextile Moon is basically having that perfect vibe where you just get each other. It’s like when you don’t even have to say much, and the other person already knows what’s up. You both react to things in similar ways, so it feels super natural and easy to connect emotionally. There’s no big effort required to understand each other, it just clicks.

When things get tough, you’ve got each other’s back. It’s like one of you doesn’t even have to ask for support, the other just knows how to step in and help. Whether it’s a bad day or just needing to vent, there’s always someone there who knows exactly what you need.

No drama here, really. If you argue, it’s over quickly because you both understand where the other is coming from. No need for long talks or awkward silences. It’s just chill.

Let's say, one's Cancer Moon is trining other's Pisces Moon. In long-term relationships, this is the kind of connection where it feels like home. You feel emotionally secure, and talking about your feelings comes easy and no judgment, just support. It’s the type of vibe that makes everything smoother and more comfortable. Also, water Moons trining the Earth Sun of the other can be harmonious too and vice versa.

Both sextiles and trines are the kind of energy that works for friendships too, not just romance. It’s about having that emotional flow, whether it's your family, friends, or partners. If you vibe emotionally, life’s a lot more relaxed.

So, that’s all for today, go away now! ✌️😎🌙

Wanna go deeper into the layers of your placements? DM me for a complete astrology reading or a 5 year/8 year marriage report or synastry reading🌙💬 and check out my pinned post for pricing + details 💫💸

Let’s decode your cosmic chaos together ⭐

[savanir]

DP x DC prompt [17]

Tucker meets Danny (no not that one, Danny Temple)  through a Reddit about being a reincarnated important person.

They bond over a period of several weeks over their struggles with sudden positions of power and the responsibilities that come with that and surprisingly also over having a vigilante friend.

Danny Temple laments the fact that he hasn't seen his vigilante friend in a long while and his cult is keeping him busy so he can't just go out there and meet up

Tucker figures he could do his new buddy a favour. Kidnap some vigilante as a show of... friendship? General approval? To Signal that are allies or something. Drop him in egypt or wherever Danny's cult is at so they can catch up without anyone getting suspicious or whatever.

Shouldn't be too hard...

Though, wait, maybe he should keep kidnapping more as a last resort kinda thing. He should first just try to get the vigilante to act on their own by simply leaving an anonymous tip about their hidden, secret, possibly nefarious meeting. That seems less risky than full on kidnapping.

Tucker plans on asking his Danny, the Phantom one, on how he might get lured into a situation like that. Tucker doesn't really want to involve him in the actual action though... he'd feel bad if Danny took a hit on his reputation for this.

On that note. Tucker should ask his other Danny who exactly his vigilante friend is.

"Oh! It's Red Robin" he looks so proud about it.

Tucker realises he's going to have to step up his game a bit more cause he's sure tricking one of the Gotham birds is going to be a bit harder than your average teen hero (the kidnapping plan is starting to look even less appealing now...). But let it never be said he backs down from a challenge!

---

During a video chat while team Phantom is at Nasty Burger;

"Hey Danny come meet Danny"

Danny looks up from his food to see what Tucker is doing, "You're having way too much fun with our names being the same"

A voice pipes up from Tucker's PDA with laughter,  "it's very confusing sometimes"

"Anyway, hi Danny, I'm Danny"

Danny T can be seen grinning on the screen, "Hello Danny I'm- oh damn, that's even weirder"

Now Tucker and Danny are both confused.

"You look just like my buddy Tim"

Danny seems to find the whole thing funny so Tucker leaves the two of them to it and focuses on his own extra mega beef burger until he overhears Danny T go "oh he's in Gotham now sadly so-"

"Hm? Who?" Tucker asks and Danny distractedly goes "Tim" before going back to his conversation with other Danny and Tucker's brain is slowly putting a few pieces together before tossing it aside.

Massive coincidence that this Tim guy and Red Robin both are in Gotham, and besides, there are a gazillion Tim's on the planet. So without a last name there is no way he-

"-and last time I heard he's majority shareholder in WE and works closely with the CEO Lucius Fox. So we're both in like, leadership positions"

Oh his friend is Tim Drake.

"You're friends with Tim Drake!" Tucker butts in

A startled "woah" can be heard from both Danny's.

Meanwhile Sam finished pulling up Tim's latest news article that has a photo attached. "He's right, you two do look alike"

Danny T makes a little surprised noise "oh he stopped wearing glasses"

But really, it's probably just a huge coincidence that both are in Gotham, his friend, haven't been in touch in a while, Tim clearly has the money to do vigilante stuff if he felt like it.

... Tucker figures he could keep an ear out for any drama in the Wayne family before he makes his move. It might actually keep any other bats and birds from getting involved, and isn't that insane to think about?

[sweetdispatch]

Step 2 - L. Hughes

Seven Steps | Step 1 pairing: Luke Hughes x fem!reader summary: Feelings between you and Luke were growing and he knew he needed to ask you an important question warning: none

It’s been two months since the night when you met Luke. Something that you thought was a one night thing turned into a friendship. You were talking with him every single day about everything. He was always telling you how the training went and you were telling him about the customers you had. 

If you two had a day off, you were seeing Luke. At first, you two were going to different restaurants or coffee shops but with time, you two realised that you felt the best at home. You were hanging out in his apartment or he was showing up at your door steps. There was never a rush in your meetings. Just enjoying the time you have together. 

Since you two bonded and became friends, Luke was inviting you to watch his games. You were always in the stands rooting for him even if you didn’t understand the sport completely. But you knew how much this means to him and that’s why you were always by his side. After every game, Luke was taking you for an ice cream as a celebration after a win or to lighten up after a lost match. 

In those months you learnt even more about him and you knew what Luke likes and what he doesn’t like. Many times you were cooking for him because one time when you prepared the meal, he fell in love with your food. You never felt more appreciated than when you were hearing the compliments from him. 

Luke was always trying to pick you up after your work. He knew that you don’t have a driving license and he didn’t want you to get back home so late by metro. No matter how many times you told him that it’s not necessary, he wanted to do it. He learnt you schedule perfectly and always knew when to arrive. 

The small gestures became not so small. Luke was always pulling you closer to his body when you were sitting in your or his bedroom. You were cuddling to his warm body. Every hug you shared felt intimate. It wasn't a quick hug, you and him took all the time to properly share it. 

When you were thanking him for something, you weren’t afraid to place a kiss on his cheek. He was placing the kisses on top of your head. Everyone could tell that there’s a real chemistry between you two but you were too blind to notice it. Both of you shared feelings but it was always only a friendship. 

You felt really good around Luke. You never felt the pressure of trying to impress him and he liked you the way you are. It was a real thing that couldn’t be faked. You liked having him around because was a normal guy despite his status. He never tried to act like he’s better than others. 

The feelings that you had towards Luke were growing. You liked him more than just a friend. You wanted something more from him. You wanted to kiss him so badly. You believed that he’s the guy for you but you felt insecure that he might want someone more famous. That’s why you were hiding your feelings. 

Luke felt like he finally found a perfect girl. You liked him for his personality and not because he was famous. You never wanted to use him for his money or to get into his brothers. You wanted to be his friend and he liked you for that. With you, he could be his true self. 

Luke’ feelings went out of the roof when he was thinking about you. He wanted you as his girlfriend. He felt like you’re the best person out there and he could picture a future with you. Never before has he felt this way to anyone. That’s why he knew that he had to make a move and risk everything. 

You and Luke had a free day. He sent you a message that he’ll be at your house in a couple minutes. You smiled when you read it and started cleaning your bedroom from the clothes. You knew Luke didn’t bother about it but you wanted to do it to have a cleaner space. When you were done, you heard the ring bell. Quickly you went downstairs to open the door. Luke pulled you into a hug and you smiled at the smell of his perfume. You two went upstairs and you closed the door of your room. 

“What’s the plan for today?” You asked him. 

“Don’t really have but I want to talk with you” Luke said with a serious tone. You expected the worst from him. 

“About what?” You sat on the bed and watched him walking around your room. 

“About us because you see, I really like you and I want you as my girlfriend but I don’t know if you want me to. That’s why I’m straightforward because I need to know if there’s a chance for us to be together or we’re only friends” Luke was rambling and you grabbed his wrist to stop him. 

“Luke, stop. You’re overthinking this” He looked at you and you stood up. “I want you as my boyfriend too. I really like you and I feel like you’re the perfect match but I never said a word because I thought that you want someone famous” When you said this out loud you realized how dumb it sounds. 

“What? No. I would never want someone famous. I want my relationship to be as private as possible. I hate being in the spotlight” Luke placed his hands on your cheeks. “That’s why you’re my girl, with you I can feel normal and real. You don’t care about me as an athlete but you care about me as a human being” 

“I feel so alive with you. I never felt that before” Slowly, you placed your lips on his. Luke deepened the kiss and you two melted into the kiss. 

“I can’t believe I’m so lucky to have you” Luke looked into your eyes with love written in them. 

Step 3

[keepthedelta]

hi, do you think lewis and nico were really best friends at some point? whether it was in 2013, 2014, 2015 or 2016? bc i was seeing some blogs that they do not think they were really that good of friends, but the way they did hurt each other, and hurt themselves in 2015 and 2016 really screams "you were my best friend and u betrayed me " kind of thing

i mean, as adults maybe not so much, but as children absolutely.

one quality of both nico and lewis that i personally think is really really important to them and their characters is that they were both very lonely little boys. lewis grew up as a mixed race child from a working class background moving between the households of his divorced parents in the notoriously welcoming, racially equally, class blind nation of england. he faced racial abuse from grown adults as an incredibly young child at remote control car events (and i do mean young, like 5 years old) and took up martial arts as a child to learn how to defend himself from bullies. nico grew up on the opposite end of the spectrum as the beloved only child of a millionare formula one world champion, and spent a lot of his early childhood travelling with his parents. he's said before that because of this he was very lonely in his early childhood, as he didn't really know any other children, and he couldn't even really connect with an entire section of his family because he was never taught finnish. then, when he did go to school and meet other children he didn't quite fit in there. he was too awkward, too pretty, too nerdy. it wasn't that he had no friends, but he didn't have many, and he was bullied a lot by other children who would stick things in his hair and hold him down, and because the adults did nothing, he had to learn how to deal with it himself.

so their early lives, although very different, share the quality of loneliness and isolation, and being excluded by their peers. this continued when they began karting. lewis was ostracised because of his race and his class (and almost certainly because he was much better than them and they were jealous) and nico was ostracised because he had a famous and successful father, because he was pretty and awkward (and again, because he was better than a lot of them, and there was a lot of jealousy involved). from the very first time they raced together, it was lewis and nico out way ahead of everyone else, peers as both racers and lonely children. so much of their bond as children came from being lonely and excluded by others, but in each other they finally found a friend.

the first time lewis ever came to monaco was to visit nico. he has said multiple times how visiting nico, seeing how the rosbergs (and other monaco residents) lived became the foundation for the life that he wanted to live and has since chosen to live. when he moved to monaco in 2012/2013, he moved into the same building as nico, which is also the same building as nico's childhood apartment (he just moved into another unit in the same building when he turned 18), therefore the exact same building that lewis first stayed in when he came to visit nico.

i think it's fair to say that they weren't necessarily best friends during their adulthood. after karting they went into separate single seater series (lewis to formula renault in the uk, nico to formula bmw in germany) and although they spent a year in f3 together in 2004, they were in separate teams and developed other relationships along the way. but i don't think you can say they weren't friends. lewis went on holiday with the rosbergs when he and nico were 17, at least a year after they stopped karting. there are photos of him partying with nico and vivian, who got together when they were 18. he and nico went on holiday with adrian sutil after they had begun in formula one. their reaction to their first shared podium in 2008 is not the reaction of people who are not friends. they literally did interviews talking about their friendship. when lewis moved to monaco, if he didn't have food in the house he would go upstairs to nico and vivian and eat with them. they might not have been best friends by that point, but they were absolutely still friends in some sense of the word.

to me, one of the major reasons why that silver war time period reads so much of "being betrayed by your best friend" is because lewis and nico were formative friends. the closeness may not have been the same all the way to the end, but it was the foundation for who each of them became. two lonely little boys who filled in the cracks of their lives with each other because it was the first time, at least in racing, that someone else was actually nice to them. lewis's dad still has photos of lewis and nico as teenagers and voluntarily brings up that time of their lives and the importance of it even after everything that went down. nico once got given an old karting magazine that had him and lewis on the cover and immediately turned all nostalgic and wistful. lewis has repeatedly said that karting with nico was the best time of his life.

as people, everything that we are is fundamentally a collection of memories and experiences and reactions to those moments. we learn and grow, and none of us are the same when we're thirty as we are when we're thirteen. but if you're thirty and the person that you're fighting against, even just professionally, was someone who helped make you who you are by being nice to you when you were thirteen when no one else was nice to you, hurting them is always going to hurt you because they are a part of you, and you are a part of them.

[disgruntleddemon]

part of what i hate about billford (among many other things) is the way it assassinates everyone else's characters in the process. It's especially teue for post cannon, but it annoys me in general

A good chunk of Ford's arc is overcoming the abuse Bill put him through, regardless if you view their original relationship as romantic or not. Tbob only further cemented that arc For Ford.

The shame he feels at the idea of his family knowing the full extent of what happened, the relief he feels when they dont judge him, the guilt he feels at pretty much anything bill related, the "i found my happiness and it looks like this" page, the j3 page where he bonds with his family by burning all the old bill relics, having to overcome his trust issues, bill almost killing Ford's whole family and destroying the world, the torture he goes through in j3 and weirdmaggedon, etc

To throw all that away for "silly toxic yaoi. They just need couples therapy teehee" just cheapens everything! So many damn scenarios where Ford's forced to play nice and babysit his literal abuser played as romantic tension is gross! I get it's ppl just having fun or whatever, but it's such a reductive take on his character

And then of course you have the way everyone else gets rewritten to some make billford work. It's so ooc it might as wll be ocs.

Like, Mabel, for instance. She watched Bill posses her brother, try to kill him, hurt him, found the note Bill left saying he'd fake Dipper's suicide (ending the note with "wanna join him, shooting star?), was trapped in the bubble, etc. You think she of all people is gonna be making friendship bracelets with him and shipping him with her grunkle?????

Yes, she's a pretty forgiving person, but she's just as willing to hold a grudge. ESPECIALLY if you hurt her family!

The same applies to all the other characters. Why do they bend over backwards to be nice to bill? Why would they ever approve of Bill and Ford getting together??? It goes against everything they stand for and believe. Why do they suddenly stop caring about their family as soon as bill is involved??? When the show is aggressively about the importance of family????

It's like a worse version of gravity falls where everything is written around billford, and i just don't get the appeal.