#Kyle x linda

[josketches]

on your feet, soldier

[alcalexandria]

Cuts, Reshoots and Changes made to Terminator: Dark Fate.

As part of another giant essay I’m working on about the possibility of Dani & Grace being an intentional romance at some point (Edit - that has since been posted, and you can now find it here), I wanted to gather up a reasonably detailed list of Dani/ Grace scenes that we know were changed at some point during production of Dark Fate.

This is mostly a reference for that post rather than something standalone, but you might find it of interest all the same. I won’t spend *too* much time on my extrapolations here, but you’ll probably get the gist of what I’m thinking.

You’re more than welcome to offer your own angle though, similar or different, and like I say I’ll have more on that front soon. Let me know if you can think of any relevant omissions or errors.

So what was changed? Why? How do we know?

There’s quite a bit to this, so I’m going to try to detail it in the order it appears/would have appeared in the movie, and try to explain both how we know it was cut/swapped, and what we know about why.

Again though, note that this isn’t necessarily a complete list of every cut or change we know about – just ones relevant to Dani & Grace, and how else they might or might have been interpreted if things were different. And a lot of these may be minor in isolation, but I include them for the sake of a bigger picture.

First, let’s talk about the Director’s Commentary (available in my country only with the iTunes release.)

The commentary involves Director Tim Miller and Editor Julian Clarke discussing the movie’s production and is well worth a listen – Miller has an obvious passion for the Terminator franchise and its lore, and his theories and ideas are engaging to hear. Clarke explains his thought processes logically, and for the most part, I couldn’t fault him.

… But.

In the commentary, the guys explain they did an entire editing pass to remove moments where Grace and Dani were overtly – in their words - “tactile”.

We don’t know the full extent of this, but the fact they call it an entire editing pass it quite a big deal – an editing pass means running through the whole movie as it’s assembled so far, to reselect cuts and alternate takes, from the many hours of dailies available, while ensuring the flow and continuity is still right.

It’s a significant undertaking and it’s not done lightly at the late stage we're talking here. It represents a lot of work hours by the Editor and Director (and in this case, almost certainly, the Producer)

The reason they give for this is that they didn’t want the audience to know that Grace and Dani have any kind of established relationship in the future – they want it to be a surprise that Grace already knows Dani in her own time.

To me that makes no sense, and I’ll detail why elsewhere - but it is the official reason they give, so I want to start with that preface.

It’s also worth saying, in the spirit of fairness, that they mention doing some (much less intensive) cuts and swaps with Dani and Diego, because the Editor was afraid that what’s normal for Latin actors would be too confusingly tactile for Cool Ranch flavored audiences, who may read it as a little weird and incestuous.

I think that’s silly, but I include it just to give additional context on the Editor’s perspective.

Now, on to the changes.

1. Pharmacy.

Originally the pharmacy staffmember who helps Dani pull Grace onto the street -

- then immediately asked Dani out, which she declines in no uncertain terms.

2. Motel.

The scene with Dani and Sarah has been tweaked considerably from the original. Initially, Dani had been seen crying more over Diego and her dad, this was almost all cut down and streamlined - the reason for the changes given being that test audiences were finding her a bit of a bummer.

But that isn't the only change, and the other isn't so cut and dry.

Source: Booasaur

This image is used to represent the FIRST AID KIT card in the weirdly excellent Dark Fate tie in card game.

Notably - images used in the card game are all promotional images that would have been approved for release by the studio, and the card company would have needed to have them as early as possible so they could design and produce their material.

Promotional images like this are not simply movie stills – they are actual photographs, taken by a purpose-hired photographer, which is why they never exactly align with a shot from the movie. However, because they are taken during the shooting of the movie, they’re clues to cuts we wouldn’t otherwise know of.

Dani never gets this close to Grace in the motel room while she’s unconscious in the final cut, and there’s no ice on her body in this shot, so it presumably sat before Sarah either ice’d or dosed her.

Presumably, also, this fell afoul of the "no touchy" edit pass. But there is no counterpart to this shot in the movie at all, and it's the only one of the card images where this is the case. The image itself hasn't been used in any later publicity releases either, as far as I can tell. The card game is the only trace of it out there.

So it seems like not only was the scene cut, the still itself was "de-approved" at some point later in production.

Additionally – though this is speculation, I’m not the only one making it - from the way scene is edited, it sure feels a lot like the first thing Dani does when she’s let back into the room by Grace after being sent for chips is immediately hug her, and the scene has been chopped around a bit to hide it.

Take a look for yourself, and see where this impression comes from – even though Dani and Grace have dialogue and are the active players in the moment, the camera lingers on Sarah, doing and saying nothing, for a weirdly long time, and for no clear reason.

It feels very much like a cutaway an editor might improvise so as not to show something else, and there are plenty more instances of this later we’ll come back to.

This trick, where we see generic reaction footage of somebody while rewritten/rerecorded dialogue is delivered from offscreen, is usually a last resort, a way to overhaul a storyline or conversation very late in the process.

It is used way more than I’d consider normal throughout DF – often during really major plot points, where you ideally want to make the best of everyone’s on-set performances and dynamism. It will come up a lot more.

We also know the road trip stuff with the three women was cut way down, in this case because a lot of it involved Sarah and Grace being snippier than they really need to be.

*PS – The motel room is pretty much an exact clone of the one Kyle and Sarah hid out in during T1. Keep that in your back pocket for later.

3. South Tunnel Future War Flashback.

We know from Tim Miller that the Future War battle was cut short. The original longer version showed us Hadrell/Quinn having a glorious last stand against the Rev-7s until they killed him, which presumably influences Grace’s decision to be Augmented.

According to Reddit users who were confirmed to have seen the test screenings, this longer version was actually in the cut they saw, albeit with incomplete SFX, so it was still intact even at that relatively late stage.

Remember from above - it’s supposed to be a surprise Grace knows Dani at all. That’s what Tim and Julian have told us, and it’s so important that it was worth time and money to cut scenes that had already cost too much time and money to film.

Here in the flashback we see in the final cut though, we are straight up shown Dani on the rescue stretcher.

And we are very pointedly shown Grace alone attending to her during the flight. Which casts doubt on that.

But the alternate/deleted version of this scene would have gone further, we would also have been shown “The Commander” in the alternate version of the volunteering scene  –

While that alternate scene isn’t as well executed as the one they went with, in my opinion, it’s notable in that it has Grace volunteering much more deliberately. She insists on it, outside the immediate aftermath of battle, and her reasons seem far more personal than her immediate duty to the Commander as a leader – she demands to be Augmented in direct response to seeing the seriously injured Dani in that neighboring infirmary bed, rather than for the sake of an abstract and offscreen Commander.

Now these Future War scenes all need a ton of VFX, and bespoke sets, props and wardrobe that can’t be bought off the rack or recycled anywhere else in the movie’s main present-day storyline, so they’re very expensive. Whatever else you might shoot as a just-in-case, you would not shoot more of this than you had to.

Given she’s bundled up on a stretcher, it would have been trivial to conceal the identity of the injured VIP completely – simply by not shooting her clearly, or covering her head. Natalia Reyes wouldn’t even need to be on set.

But she was - they went to the lengths of having her, having her face visible, putting her in injury makeup, and showing us Grace is uniquely, personally affected by her condition.

Which is... odd, right? A little contradictory?

4. The Train.

Quite a lot seems to be cut from this scene – we know of at least one line from the trailers, (“We win by keeping you alive”) that’s been cut, and one line Miller mentions in the commentary (Grace’s original retort to Sarah was “The only thing you and Mother Mary have in common is a dead son”), but it’s also been changed considerably since the Audition script that circulated early on.

I want to be really clear what we’re talking about here first though.

An Audition script, a “side”, is a very rough placeholder script that is used to test chemistry and emotion. The dialogue in a side will vary from rough to terrible, and sometimes the scene is deliberately misleading, as sides very often leak via the folks who don’t get the part – and indeed that’s presumably why we have this one.

But the general mood of the scene is the important thing. It is usually in the ballpark because that’s what you’re trying to be sure your actor can bring. The side is usually chosen because the particular emotional peak of this particular moment is the Director’s priority – so a side, however clumsy or misleading the dialogue is, represents something that matters so much for this character they’ll cast solely on the basis of it.

This side, which can be Google'd up pretty easily, was used to audition actresses for Dani. It sketches out a Grace who does not know, or claims not to know, Dani or what’s so important about her, and this scene is clearly a tentative bonding moment between them. Sarah doesn't even seem to be present.

In it, we see Dani show concern for Grace’s shoulder wound, before comparing it to a severe shoulder scar of her own that she shows Grace, from a bus crash in Puebla when she was fourteen, and here's an extract -

She touches [her own] scar, gently with her fingers.

DANI (CONT'D)

I'll never eat obleas again.

(Grace studies Dani as she traces the line of the scar with her finger.)

GRACE

You wanted to understand where I come from? You already do.

(Dani's eyes meet Grace's for a moment.)

DANI

My mother told me scars make the skin stronger.

Dani covers her scar with her shirt, then looks out again as the train slows, approaching Nogales.

I mean... if a movie showed you a heterosexual pair of characters doing this…?

But, we'll get to that in a subsequent post.

5. The Truck.

Here's the version of this we saw in the early trailers -

Source: Booasaur

Vs the version in the movie -

This scene, like the motel room, is an homage to a scene with Kyle Reese and Sarah Connor in T1. There are a lot of those.

6. The Crossing & The CBP Detention Centre.

There are a number of major cuts made to the sequence where the group cross the Mexico-US border, but chunks of the original version are visible in the trailers, and the deleted scene is provided in the home release.

Originally, for starters, the Rev 9 managed to track Dani to her uncle’s house, killing everyone there.

He goes on to manipulate the Mexican Federales into actively herding Dani & Co towards the CBP trap he’s set for them. Grace then spots the drone and realizes he’s tracking them, has them ditch their bags and tells them to run for it. She exchanges fire with the Federales in a running battle, and Dani’s uncle is killed.

You can see this full scene here. And actually now that I rewatch it, I'm struck by how effectively sinister Rev 9 is in the first bit, and what a shame that was to lose:  

Miller says the scene was cut down in part because whacking Dani’s relatives threatened to get a little repetitive, and he has a point (her cousin later also dies in the CBP centre), but there are some really valuable character moments in here too.

Before Grace starts shooting, Dani strictly warns Grace not to kill anybody. Which is a T2 callback, of course, but it’s also establishing Dani as taking the initiative, and it makes it apparent that Grace is already treating whatever she asks for as an order.

The gunfight itself isn’t great, frankly, but I do think the movie feels this cut. It cues up the scenes coming after it in a way that just leaves them kinda awkward without. The reason Grace is so fired up and ready to throw down with the CBP when they're caught in the spotlight is because, as far as she's concerned, she’s *already* in the middle of a gunfight; Dani’s “I’m not watching you die” to her is meant to directly address the fact she’s still feeling her uncle’s death, and can’t bear to see Grace get shot now too, rather than just something she blurts out randomly. She’s already seen somebody she cares about die, and she won’t risk it again.

But Dani’s grief at the death of her uncle would also have played into the next bit, too, something which is still in the movie - when Rev-9 drops the drone on them. Dani sees Grace easily break out of her restraints to save her from it, only to be KO’d by the blast.

In other words - having just surrendered to save Grace’s life, Dani has to see her being killed after all, and we see her looking at her lifeless body with a moment of despair. And after binding Grace with a No Kill order so that nobody else will die over her, she now sees that Grace has apparently sacrificed herself to save her.

This pays off – or would have paid off – in a deleted moment later, too. A shot seen in the trailers from when Grace finds Dani in the cages shows us Dani’s clear relief at seeing Grace is alive.

A subsequent cut shot has Grace and Dani fleeing the Rev-9, hand in hand, in slow motion.

Compare this to the much messier, more rushed sequence we see in the movie -

The Federales shootout sequence on its own is a little redundant, sure, but without this bit, the drone stuff is just... kind of orphaned, and pointless. It's a very dramatic splash of fireworks with little consequence. The shot of Dani looking at Grace's body after the blast has no purpose, and the attack has no real effect, so it might as well not have happened.

More than that, this set of cuts make for really messy continuity. There's a big mismatch between them hauling a bunch of presumably very useful gear through the desert one moment, and then abruptly having none a few shots later; and it feels silly to see everyone set out armed to the teeth with guns they never even try to use.

The way Dani’s uncle just dips out to let the cousin lead them the rest of the way in the theatrical cut feels bizarre, and the escape from the CBP centre feels tangibly choppy and not nearly as clearly composed without the moments seen in the trailer, like missing frames of animation.

7. The Plane Chase.

This whole sequence has been totally overhauled, and maybe several times.

The plane battle was originally longer (which I don’t think it really needed to be) but one notable feature is that Major Dean and the EMP grenades all appear to be later additions.

Many people had guessed this anyway - he comes out of nowhere, provides the grenades, and bows out again, without much explanation or grounding outside the few minutes he appears. And the (oddly cheap) looking grenades themselves are destroyed before ever affecting the plot. So it has all the hallmarks of a reshoot that was plugged into an existing sequence.

The original version of the sequence though, seen in the “pre vis” computer storyboard included on the home media releases, had the gang actually seize the plane by force, and physically subdue two crewmembers. The two end up tied up in the hold after one of them hits Arnie with a wrench (he still sports the injuries from this in the film)

When Rev 9 attacks, one of the crewmen is killed by cargo debris; Dani frantically tries to save the other, but he’s sucked out of the breach in the fuselage before she can.

That original version involving the kidnapped crew appears to have actually gotten as far as being filmed – two “injured” Air Force actors who seem to fit the bill are visible in some of the “Making Of” featurettes.

The prop auction blurbs – some notes from it here – seem to suggest Carl used chain brackets as weapons in the fight, which I don’t believe he does in the battle as seen.

Now why does this matter?

Well, because if there were no EMP grenades, then the conversation in the cockpit must have been completely different, since Carl and Sarah don’t have to interrupt Dani and Grace’s conversation to alert them to the damage.

The cockpit scene is a continuity mess start to finish anyway though, which is another a tell-tale sign of reshoots and re-edits - just for fun, for instance, watch out for Grace’s disappearing drink.

It’s worth watching it start to finish too just to see how much dialogue is delivered from a character who is speaking from offscreen, suggesting these lines were written and then recorded in a Sound Booth after the scenes were shot.

There’s a lot of that in this movie, which I’ve mentioned previously, but this scene in particular is rife with it; almost all its key dialogue is delivered from offscreen while we’re watching what amounts to stock footage of Sarah or Carl.

That much ADR/ overdubbing from off camera is a dead give away that a scene has been almost totally reworked.   

And why? Why did it need to be arranged so much?

Well, that brings us to what I think is the biggest change of the movie.

8. "You Saved Me" / "You Raised Me"

The suggestion Dani found and raised Grace from childhood is entirely a post-test screening addition. It was not in the original version of the movie, at all, and this has been confirmed by the Reddit test screening participants. The whole implication comes from a single line and scene which was added after the testing, and at the cost of all that continuity mentioned above.

The scene we see of Dani rescuing Kid-Grace is a reshoot which was inserted in place of another deleted scene, set during the Future War, wherein an adult Grace begs an adult Dani to let her go back and save her. That’s why the Kid-Grace scene has a different look and feel to everything else in the movie, Present Day and Future War, because it was shot way after everything else.

Before I go on, please take a moment to see the scene they cut, and imagine it back in place –

I mean... dang, right?

Unlike Major Dean or the grenades, this scene is not some neatly isolated little island, and unlike the one replacing it, it's aesthetically in tune with the South Tunnel battle. It depicts a post-Augmentation Grace, wearing “Augment” style sleeveless gear, and it’s the source of at least one promotional shot.

It also explains the circumstances Grace came back, lets Dani off the hook for sending her back to her doom, and even ties directly into a significant exchange of dialogue later on; Commander Dani is shown shedding a tear here when Grace asks to be allowed to save her, presumably because she remembers they will be some of Grace’s last words later, too.

The Theatrical Cut also still has the moment later when Grace quotes this scene to Dani’s younger self before she dies, so this scene is actually the foundation for a later one.

So it’s important, is what I'm saying, it’s laying down all the emotional groundwork for Grace’s death and the tragic implications of the movie’s Bootstrap Loop.

It makes the Commander far more sympathetic, gives Grace a ton more agency, and there are lines still in the movie which call back to it.

Without it, we even lose the visual parallel of Grace on her knees to Dani in the present day just as she is in her memory from the future, in the TDE facility.

For now then, let’s just say that I think you would need an excellent reason to pay more money to replace that original scene, especially with a scene that both looks cheaper, plays worse, and lacks the same connective tissue to anything else. And that this reason would have to be something unrelated to the needs of basic storytelling mechanics, or the Director’s preferences.

9. Underwater Battle.

Grace originally fought the Rev-9 underwater briefly, after the plane crash. That’s why she’s so exhausted when she resurfaces and they have to try to climb up the dam, and it’s why she couldn’t come to help the two others when they were trapped in the flooding Humvee.

10. Turbine Room.

Dani originally finished the battle with the Rev-9 pretty much on her own. This was reworked, apparently, to give Arnie “more of a moment”.

You can see images from the original version here.

Which I do believe - but the original flow would have meant Dani screaming at this thing that it’s taken everything she had, before going apeshit and killing it, in direct response to Grace’s death, which is pretty intense.

(Incidentally, I’m not convinced the subtitles are quite capturing her literal meaning in Spanish either, can somebody help me out?

Edit - BeneathTheThunders has confirmed this in the comments, Dani actually says "Killed everything I loved")

11. Final Scene

The playground scene with Grace as a kid is another post Test Screening addition. Originally the movie ended with a rolling road, just like T2, and a voiceover from Sarah.

Along with the added scavenger attack scene, that means it’s probable we never saw Grace as a child in the original version. At all.

Which would make for a quite different narrative bent, especially if the original Future Dani/Grace seen had still been in place.

In Summary.

Let’s consider how different that alternate narrative was.

Remember that Grace rarely, if ever, discusses Dani’s survival in terms of saving the world or winning the war, apart from her freakout in the chopper – her devotion is to Dani, personally, somebody we only ever see or hear of Grace knowing as one adult woman to another. Somebody she knows, somebody she sat vigil over in the Dragonfly and inspired her to become augmented.

Somebody, we hear only from an experienced, Augmented Grace who has saved her, with her exact meaning left to our imagination – when and how or how poetically she might mean that, we aren’t shown.

Remember that somebody, we see then, is a hardened uniformed military Supreme Commander, who nonetheless cries at the prospect of having to send Grace away to danger, something she’s tried “everything in her power” to avoid.

Remember that, back present day, that person’s first instinct when left alone with her unconscious body (after resting her head in her lap in the jeep for some reason?) is to care for her so tenderly it produced the mysteriously memory-holed First Aid Kit image. When reunited with her after being briefly parted, it’s apparently to embrace her.

While being pursued, it’s to designate her terms of engagement, and then surrender to protect her.

And notably, it is also Grace, not Commander Dani, who outlines what’s going to be done about the TDE in the flashback/forward to 2042.

So they don’t behave like either Mother/Daughter or Officer/Soldier. But they are something. And throughout the movie these two were, apparently, so physically close it was worth spending money and losing shot-to-shot continuity and clarity to put distance between them.

And in the end, when Grace does die, literally giving Dani her life with which to fight her attacker (“I’m sorry Grace!”), Dani tenderly touches her face before destroying her enemy, for taking everything she had from her - for "killing everything she loved".

I’m sure you can infer what I’m getting at there... but we’ll come back to that in a future post.

For now, here's what I'd love to know - the original cut apparently ended a little after the dam battle, with a Sarah voiceover on the rolling road.

I wonder what she said?

[starfact0ry]

Some more sketches of Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese.

[luna-themoonie]

Chapter Six

A Raven and a Bat to See the Light in One Another

First - Previous - Next

Summary: It was only meant to be a stupid game of dares, 'The King's Game.' But, of course, nothing could go Stan's way. Cartman thought it would be hilarious to get under everyone's skin with his stupid dare and he did. Now, Stan had no way of getting back with Wendy because he was stuck with this dare.

Butters didn't care too much about the dare in its entirety. Stan was a cool guy and maybe they could get closer. He didn't see anything wrong with this dare from Eric. But, oh boy, if his parents knew, he'd sure be grounded. After this dare ends, he and Stan could still be friends, right?

What was the dare?:

Stan and Butters were forced to date for two months.

~~~

When Butters awoke that morning, he was buzzing with excitement. Today was the day he got to go on a date with Stan! He was sure Cartman was forcing him to do this, but why should it matter? He could finally be alone with him without the pressure of intrigued eyes. He felt jittery as he grabbed his clothes and towel. He just felt like today was going to be good.

He left his room with his clothes for the day and almost immediately hopped into the shower when he entered the bathroom. He began to shower himself and wet his hair for the day, humming a song as he did so. Once he finished, he turned off the water and stepped out, reaching for his towel. He began to pat himself dry and pull on his clothes before brushing his teeth, playing around with the wet excess of hair at the middle of his head. He started to towel-dry his hair and spray a bit of leave-in conditioner so it could soften and fluff once it had dried. 

He left the bathroom, running his hands through his hair, and moved back to his room to finish getting himself ready. He grabbed a pair of his dress shoes to pull them on along with his turquoise sweater to go over his usual dress shirt. He made sure to disconnect his phone from its charger and he grabbed his bag before making sure everything in his room was either clean or safely put away before leaving to head down the stairs. He placed his bag next to the front door before heading over to the kitchen.

And now for breakfast. He stood in the middle of the room, deciding what to do for the morning. He slowly began to look around the pantry and cabinets to find something to fill him up for the moment. Why not have a good breakfast to ensure a good day?

He opened the refrigerator and looked around to see what they had. A small container of blueberries caught his eye and an idea of what to make popped into his head. Blueberry pancakes. He began to grab the ingredients to make the dish, also including eggs and bacon. He laid out the ingredients across the counter and began to work his “magic.” He wasn’t ever good at making sweets or baking in general, but what could he say to that? Practice makes perfect.

He hummed his go-to song he sang when focused on a task, letting his mind drift all the while. Thoughts of what could be, perhaps what should be. A happy, normal family. He would definitely cook for his future wife or husband. Surprise them every once in a while with breakfast in bed. And kids. He would also want kids, whether they're biologically related to him or not. Whenever it happened, he was sure he was going to try to be the best father he could be. He wondered for a brief moment what Stan would want. Would he want him to cook or would he try for himself? Does he want kids like Butters did? If they could have kids, what would they look like, how would they act? Would they be following his footsteps or the ravenette’s? 

He felt himself become embarrassed. Why was he thinking about that? He's acting as if they've been together for years. It's only been a week, not even, and they aren't even really dating, it's supposed to be an act. God, he was acting like a lovesick schoolgirl.

The sound of footsteps sounded and he stood straight, waiting to find out which parent was awake. “Butters? What are you doing?”

He finished flipping the pancake he was working on and looked at his mom standing at the doorway of the kitchen, struggling with placing an earring through her earlobe. He flashed her a smile. “Mornin’, Mom. I made you some breakfast for you before you go to work.”

“Oh, Butters, that’s so sweet, but-”

“They’re blueberry,” he told her softly. “Your favorite.”

A thoughtful look passed her face and she hummed. “Well, I’m sure one plate won’t hurt."

He smiled and finished cooking the rest of the food for their breakfast. He set up her plate first before setting it down in front of her with her cup of coffee before working on his father's and then his own. He placed his plate at his spot on the table and covered his father’s plate with aluminum to keep it warm before seating himself to start eating for himself. 

He took a bite and found it to be a bit doughy in texture. He sighed but continued to eat it. He didn’t understand how Tweek got his sweets and desserts perfect over the years. He was a bit jealous of that, to say the least.

“Oh?” He tried not to flinch too hard. “What’s this? Linda, you made breakfast?” He didn’t dare try to correct his father. It would pain him more if he did. His father leaned over and placed a kiss on her cheek. “How lovely of you, Sweetie.”

“Actually, Butters made it.” He tried not to look at his parents, or glare at his mother for throwing him under the bus. He chose to keep his stare on his food instead.

He saw his father look at him from the corner of his eye, making him nervous. “Now, Butters, what did I tell you about that?”

He stabbed at the pancake. He didn’t want to look at him because he didn’t agree at all with what he had told him many times before. “That I have to learn to wait for the woman to make the meal because that’s their job.” Simply answering with that left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Exactly. And now that I think about it, you’ve been cooking for the past week, haven't you?”

He slowly nodded. “Yes, I have, sir.”

"You know you aren't supposed to be doing that. Why do you tempt me so much, Butters? It’s like you want to get into trouble. Is it that you just want to get grounded again? Is that what you want?”

“No, sir.”

“Then why do you still do it?”

Because he wanted to. Because he actually likes to cook. Because he needs to do it to survive. “It was a mist-”

His father slammed his hands down on the table. “Look at me when I am talking to you!” Butters snapped up to look at his father with wide eyes. 

“I-I’m sorry, sir. It was a mistake on m-my behalf.”

He huffed and began to unwrap his plate. Butters watched with bated breath as his father tossed the foil aside as he began to eat the food he made. “It's not even that good. You really should stay out of the kitchen and work like a real man.”

He swallowed hard and shoved another bite into his mouth. ‘Don't cry,’ he told himself. ‘Not in front of him.’ “Yes, sir,” he replied after he swallowed what was in his mouth.

“Okay, well, I have to go now.” His mother stood up from the table, leaving her dishes behind. “You two be good now.”

“Have a good day at work, mom.”

Without saying a word back to him, she left. He turned back to his plate and tried to focus on eating, rather than the man who sat across from him. There was a pregnant silence between them aside from the utensils they used clicking against the plates.

“So,” his father started lowly, “what’s the occasion?”

Butters looked up from his food and saw his father staring at him intensely. He tried to smile away his nerves. “I just feel like today’s going to be a good day, is all.”

He raised an eyebrow at him. “Really?”

He nods. “Yes, sir.”

“Butters, don’t you start lying to me now.”

“I’m not, sir. I’m going to be hanging out with one of my friends and I’m excited for it.”

His father’s stare hardened. “Oh, yes. You did tell me about that, didn’t you? Where are you going with this ‘friend?’”

He opened and closed his mouth, not knowing what to say. He didn’t know. 

A chime resounded and he had to hold back from noticeably sighing in relief. He saw his father’s eyes flicker toward his phone before setting back on him faster than he could check for himself. He looked at his phone and saw a notification from Stan. “Who is that?”

Butters swallowed and turned off his phone. “One of my friends.”  He slowly brought his phone closer to him to try to put it into his pockets, as if moving too fast would immediately put him in danger. “He's outside.” He stood up from his seat, picking up the dishes from the table to set them in the sink. He quickly left the room before his father could say anything about it. He grabbed his bag and opened the door.

“I expect you to be home by nine,” he called out to him.

He hesitated. “Yes, sir.” He closed the door and locked it before quickly making his way to Stan’s car. He tried biting back his overflow of emotions as he opened the passenger door. He hopped inside and clicked on his seatbelt, releasing a shaky sigh. 

Stan didn’t make any move to start driving them to school. Instead, he felt a heated gaze directed toward him. Butters wanted to look at him, but he was scared to find out if he was watching him or not.

He cleared his throat. “Aren’t you gonna-”

He heard the unclicking of a seatbelt and, out of the blue, he was suddenly pulled into a hug. He was shocked for a moment, but he was quick to grip Stan’s upper back so he could hold him closer. It was awkward from the positions they were in, but he appreciated the gesture nonetheless. He took in a shaky breath as he held him tighter.

“Hey, hey,” Stan whispered, rubbing his back soothingly. “Everything will be alright.”

Butters relished in the warmth he felt. He sighed blissfully. “How did you know?” He asked quietly.

“You didn’t say ‘good morning’ or anything.” He felt him rub his back again, sending a chill down his spine. Fuck, this felt nice. “Plus, you looked upset.”

He smiled. “Thank you, Stan.” He suddenly remembered his father and how much shit he would be put in if he happened to see the two. He pulled away from him. “We, uh, we should probably start headin’ to school now.”

Stan nodded and clicked his seatbelt back on. "Right." He made no move to drive them. “So… What happened?”

Butters shook his head, not wanting to tell him. He slowly began to revert back to his nervous habit of rubbing his fists together. “It’s nothin’. It’s real dumb anyways.”

“Are you sure?” He nods. “Okay.” He changed the gear of the car and began to drive them to school, a normal pace compared to the day before. 

“Stan?” He hummed in response. “Please tell me we’re still goin’ wherever after school.”

“Yeah, of course, dude.”

He nods. “Okay, thank you.”

There was a pause of silence between them. 

He heard Stan drum his fingers against the wheel. “Butters, if you want, we could skip school. You look like you could use a break.”

He looked at Stan who was still focused on the road. “That sounds… nice… but my parents would see red when the school calls them.”

“Oh, right. Sorry, my mom doesn’t care as long as she knows where I am.”

Butters forced a smile at that. “Your mom seems real nice and understandin’.”

He smiled. “She is. I'm really grateful she’s like that though.”

Butters paused and began to keep to himself to think for a moment. Then, an unpleasant thought came to his mind. If his parents found out… “Stan?”

“Yeah?”

“I… I wonder if Eric is going to make us meet each other’s parents.”

He was silent for a moment. “God, I honestly hope not. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not you or anything, it’s just…” he drifted off. 

“You?” Butters shrugged off the small feeling of hurt he felt and forced a smile. “I wouldn’t want my parents to know about this either.”

The two left the conversation to linger silently between them. Butters didn’t know why he felt the need to ask that. He decided to focus on looking outside the window in the meantime until they reached the school.

When Stan parked in front of their school, Butters made sure to grab his belongings and hop out of the car. He adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulders. His eyebrows knitted together and he looked away from Stan as he grabbed his bags from the backseat. 

“Butters, are you sure you don’t want to just go?”

That’s all he wanted to do. Get away from his parents. Get away from this dare. Get away from… Stan. He smiled at the worried teen in front of him. “I’m sure.”

“Okay.” He reached for his hand and Butters felt his neck and ears flush. “I’ll walk you to class then. Think that’ll make you feel better?”

Fuck, this is supposed to be fake; it has to stay fake. Why was Stan making this so hard for him? He thickly swallowed and nodded with a small smile. “Yeah, it will.”

Stan smiled back and he felt his stomach flutter. “Good, let’s go. What class do you have?” He asked as he gently tugged for him to follow. 

“Uh, Orchestra. But we’re practicin' in the auditorium today.”

Stan nodded and Butters decided to focus on the ground as he let Stan lead him to the school. He felt bad for making Stan do so much for him this morning and they haven’t even gone to their ‘date’ yet. Taking a breath, he looked at Stan. “I’m sorry you had to hug me to make me feel better.”

He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. “It’s fine, dude.” Stan slung his arm around his shoulders and playfully shook him as he pulled him close. “We’re friends, man,” he whispered in his ear. He felt a chill run down his spine and he held his breath. “I want to try making everything easier for both of us.” Yeah, right. He was making it so hard for him; especially right now.

He nodded, not trusting his voice to answer for him at the moment.

“Hey, do you usually eat lunch here before going home?”

He nods again. “Yeah. My parents only give me enough money to pay for the school’s lunch. They could tell if I go anywhere else.”

“Your parents give you money for lunch? You don’t have a job?”

He shook his head. “Not yet. My parents don’t want me working right now. They’d rather have me at home if I’m not at school.”

He watched Stan roll his eyes at this with a small frown. He understood that Stan’s, and his friends’, parents weren’t the same as his own, but it still didn’t change the fact that he didn’t like when others criticized them. They were his parents, not theirs.

“Okay, well, I’ll pick you up after you eat and I’ll drop you off at home so you can get ready.”

“You know, it would help me if you told me what we’re doing,” Butters bumped shoulders with him as he spoke with a teasing tone.

“Ha ha,” he laughed sarcastically, “nice try.”

“Could you blame me for tryin'?”

He scoffed. “I guess not.” They both stopped in front of the entrance of the auditorium. “Well, here's your class.”

He looked at Stan expectedly and he noticed the bashful look on his face. What was Stan thinking of right now? Should he just go ahead and make the first move again? No. He should just leave it be before it gets worse. “Uh… here,” Stan mumbled. He felt him tug him into a hug and he was happy to accept. “It’s a better hug than the one in the car,” he whispered. 

He tried holding back the growing smile he had. He sighed blissfully and nuzzled closer into his shoulder holding him closer. Stan, as self-centered as he could be sometimes, was very kind. It was one of the reasons why- He pulled away from him with a small frown. He couldn’t let himself be pulled into something that wasn’t real. He looked up to drown himself in the pretty bluish-grey eyes. He slowly moved his hands to hook together behind his neck, letting himself play with the loose hairs that peeked out from under his beanie. He wondered what would happen if he went against what Stan allowed and kissed him. He suddenly became aware of how dry his lips were and he tried to hold himself back from licking them. If he kissed him in front of everyone, what would he do?

Stan’s eyebrows furrowed. “Butters… really, if you don’t feel good-”

“Hey, hey.” The two looked over to see Red standing there with a hand on her hip. “Sorry to interrupt you two love birds, but I gotta steal Butters away from you for class.”

Butters clambered away from Stan with a blush. “Oh yeah. Sorry.” What was he even thinking?

Red snickered and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Heidi grabbed your violin for you,” she told him. 

He nodded before looking over at Stan, who still showed the worry in his eyes. “I’ll see you after lunch then.”

“Yeah.” He paused. “Hope your day gets better,” he mumbled. 

He smiled up at him. “Thank you, Stan.” He gave him a small wave before entering the auditorium with Red.

Once he was sure nobody, including Stan, could hear them, he released a loud sigh. “Red, I don’t think I can do this.”

“What do you mean?”

“Me and Stan. I don’t want to give in and have Eric do whatever, but... I don’t think I’m going to last any longer with him.”

“Oh, are you talking about how you almost shoved your tongue down Stan’s throat.” She laughed. “So obvious.”

He covered his face. “Geez, I know. How stupid am I?”

“It wasn’t that noticeable.”

“Do you think?”

“Well, to Stan it wasn’t. What did he say? Something about you not feeling well?” She laughed. “He’s so clueless, it’s funny.”

He averted his gaze and forced a laugh for her. “Yeah, it is.” 

“Well, I think you should go for it. You never know what could happen.” She nudged him.

He shook his head. “Nah, I… I couldn’t do that… Stan-”

She scoffed. “Just go after what you want, Butters. Lord knows that’s what you do anyways.” 

He furrowed his eyebrows and looked at her. “What?”

She only smiled. “Oh come on, Butters. What do you take me for? A fool?”

It sounded like she was accusing him… He continued to keep her intense gaze. Like she knew something he didn’t… 

He began to shake his head again. “I really don’t know what you’re talking about, Red.” He forced a smile. “Gotta get ready, yeah?” Without waiting for her to respond, he moved to his assigned seat next to the viola section. His pulse was racing. What was she talking about? There isn’t much that he’s hiding from others. And what did she mean by that?

What did Red know?

Upon seeing the familiar light brown hair as he reached his seat, he smiled properly and sat down beside her. “Hiya, Heidi.”

She smiled back at him as she adjusted the strings on her viola. “Hi, Butters. Oh!" She bent down to pick up the case under her seat carefully. "I got your violin again," She said as she handed it to him.

“Thank you, Heidi.”

“It’s no problem. I don’t mind getting it for you since I'm usually early.” She played a cord before making a face and tuning it. “You know, now that I think about it, you’ve been a little out of it lately. Did something happen?”

He tried stopping the oncoming smile he felt. “Yeah, uh, I started seeing someone.” Stop it, Butters. 

Heidi’s face lit up and she fumbled with her viola for a moment before placing it in her lap. “Oh my God, really?” She leaned forward with her eyes wide in wonder. “Who is it?”

“Er, uh, it’s…” his voice began to waver. “Stan…” He knew that it would reach her through his classmates, but it felt strange admitting it, even if it was all fake.

“Stan? As in Stanley Marsh?”

He nodded and was quick to notice the look of distraught on her face. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head. “Oh, nothing.” She picked up her viola again and began to flip through the songs they had to practice. “That’s awesome though. I’m happy for you.”

Butters knitted his eyebrows together but left her be. Following her lead, he picked up his violin just as their instructor called for their class’ attention. He snuck a glance toward Heidi. He had a feeling that she was lying. But why?

-----

Both Heidi and Red avoided him when he left for his next two classes; Astronomy and AP Psychology. Which in turn didn’t make his day any better. He had chosen Astronomy because it had sounded like fun. I mean, who wouldn’t want to learn about the planets and their history? It was cool in theory, but it didn’t really interest him anymore. All it does for him now is regret taking the class and wish he had taken something else more productive for himself. 

And psychology just reminded him how fucked up all of his friends grew up to be. Stan's depression, Tweek's anxiety. It hurt him to know how easily he could now diagnose them, even if it was the whole point of him taking the class. It all just brought his mood lower.

When he was finally let go for his lunch, he was relieved to take a break. He was quick to pay for his lunch and sit with his friends. He placed his tray next to Craig’s and took a seat. "Heya, fellas."

Craig hummed and Kyle gave a small wave from across him as he kept his eyes on his 'boyfriend’ with' a deep frown on his lips. "So, like a date?"

Butters looked between the two for a moment as he began to eat his mac and cheese.

Craig didn't respond immediately, taking his time with his own lunch. Finally, he said, "We can talk about it later."

Kyle gave an exasperated sigh and threw his hand up in frustration. "You were the one to bring it up!"

"Later, Broflovski." 

Kyle grumbled under his breath as he stabbed at his own lunch.

Butters was curious though. "Are you two going on a date too?"

"No." Craig was quick to answer.

Kyle glared at him as he stabbed at his lunch more aggressively. Craig only glared back.

It was awkward.

After an agonizingly quiet five minutes, Kenny came up to the table and sat across from Butters. "Whoa, you can really feel the tension over here. Trouble in paradise?" Craig and Kyle turned their glares to Kenny. He held his arms up defensively. "Just jokes, boys. Only jokes."

Kyle rolled his eyes and pushed his lunch towards him. "Here, I'm not hungry." 

Kenny’s eyes lit up and he happily took the tupperware from him. "Don't mind if I do!" He pulled off his hood and began to stuff his face. "Thank you so much, Mrs. Broflovski."

Kyle gave a chortle as he shook his head. 

"So, McCormick…" Kenny’s eyebrow twitched upward as he glanced at Craig. "Where's Tweek?"

Kenny hummed as he chewed the pasta he had. "He's with Stan."

Craig paused. "Stan?"

"Yeah, dude, said he made plans with him. He told me this morning so I wouldn't worry or something like that," The corner of his mouth quirked up into a lopsided smile. "He worries a lot, huh?" Craig didn't answer so he continued. "But yeah, let him go with him. I just waved him off before coming here," he finished before shoving another mouthful of pasta into his mouth.

Butters froze and set his spoon down, giving Kenny a look of confusion.

He saw Craig begin to rub his forehead with the tips of his fingers with an irked expression. “I’m sorry, you did what?”

Kenny cleared his throat and spoke a little louder as if Craig hadn't heard him. “Tweek said that he needed to go with Stan, so I let him go.” He shrugged. Craig made a noise and Kenny furrowed his eyebrows. “I don’t know what the big deal is. You always this paranoid about Tweek?"

Craig and Butters shared a look before looking back at the blonde. “You… don’t see the problem,” the ravenette’s tone made it sound like a matter-of-fact rather than a question.

“No?”

“What's the problem?” Kyle asked. “Tweek wanted to go with Stan and Kenny let him go. Isn’t that good because he isn’t… restricting him or anything?”

Butters decided to speak up. “Yeah, no, no. It’s no problem at all. Right, guys?” He glared at Kenny. “He let Tweek go with Stan, that's fine."

Kenny’s face twitched. “Butters, not right now.”

“But it’s a problem when it’s me.” 

“What does that mean?” Kyle asked as he turned to look at Kenny. 

“Nothing, he's just-.”

“He said he was sorry.”

“That doesn’t mean he meant it.”

"Why are you even mad at him? You should be mad at Eric if anything. He's the one who's started all this mess."

"He-"

"Okay, what is going on?" Kyle asked, looking between the three.

Nobody answered him. Not immediately at least. 

"Stan was being homophobic."

"He was not being homophobic."

"He called Butters disgusting."

Butters was taken aback for a moment, but he tried his best to not let it show. "We were all put in a weird situation, I don't blame him at this point."

"Butters," Kenny’s tone was firm.

"Why're you acting like I don't know him? I've been his friend just as long as you have. I don't need your permission to do anything with him."

“You know what,” Craig looked at Butters, “fuck what he thinks. Do what you want."

"Took you long enough," Butters shot back.

"I told you,” Kenny started again. “Stan is a dickwad. Why would I let you go with him?”

“Let me?”

Kenny’s eyes widened and he sputtered for a moment. “That’s not-”

“That is so hypocritical, Kenny! What is wrong with you? You let Tweek go with him! What? You don’t care enough about him to worry?” Craig made a noise at this and Kenny’s mouth opened slightly, but he quickly closed it, not answering his question. “Is it because it’s me? Is… is there something I did to make you paranoid about leaving me alone with my friend? My boyfriend?” He chose to specify when he noticed the people around him beginning to stare.

A look of guilt flashed across his face. “No, it’s not-”

“Then what is it?” He heard his voice crack and he felt a sudden rush of fatigue run through him. He placed his head in his hands to calm himself and the upcoming headache he was receiving. 

"Butters…" Kenny started, "I-"

“You know what, I’m fine. I’ll get over it.” Like he was always told to do.

“Marsh!” Butters' angered gaze turned to where Craig was calling over the other dark-haired teen who seemed to just have walked through the cafeteria doors. Immediate relief ran through him and he began to pick up his trash.

"Hey, guys,” Stan greeted as he took in who was at the table. “Where are the others?”

Craig’s eyes narrowed. “What are you doing?"

"Oh, uh, I came to pick up Butters."

“No, no. Where's Tweek?” Craig specified.

“Yeah, where is Tweek, Stan?” Kenny chimed in. 

Stan looked between the two with his mouth opening and closing as he tried to think of a response. “Uh…”

Butters moved to stand next to him and clutched the sleeve of Stan’s sweater to begin pulling him away from the table. “I’m sure Tweek’s fine, fellas. You ain’t gotta worry. He can take care of himself.” He began to tug Stan away from their intense glares. “Anyway, we gotta go. Right, Stan?”

Stan jolted a bit when he said his name and began to scratch his cheek, looking nervous. “Y-yeah, we do.” He gave the group a small wave and began to slowly lead Butters out of the cafeteria. “See you, guys.”

“Now, wait a minute!” Kenny started. “You can’t just-” 

Butters didn’t hear the rest of his sentence. He began pulling for Stan to follow faster, muttering, “Go, go, go!”

They ran through the halls to reach the front, ignoring the teachers telling them to stop running in the halls. When they reached the front, they were breathless and laughing at each other's flushed faces. Stan draped his arm around Butters’ shoulder and began to lead him to his car. “You got everything?”

“Yup! Where are we gonna go?”

“Oh, uh, to your house.”

“To my house?”

“Yeah, so you can get ready. It’s way later, dude.” They reached Stan’s car and he let go of him. “Like at night.”

“At night?” Stan didn’t tell him that! How late? His parents would never let him go… unless. Butters smiled. “Alrighty, then.” They both got into the car. “When are you gonna pick me up?”

Stan hummed for a moment as he turned on the car. “I don’t know, man. I still need to set everything up.”

Butters nodded. So pretty late. Okay, he could work with that. “Alrighty! I’m sure I’ll be ready whenever you pick me up.”

“Right.” Stan began to start driving him home, turning up his music to fill the silence.

Butters hummed along and let his mind drift. Back to his day. Back to what Kenny had said. He had tried to not let it bother him too much in the moment, but now… now it just made a ball of anxiety swell in his chest. Did he really want to know what happened? He began to rub his hands. The nerves were getting to him. 

He took a breath and turned towards Stan, who was focused on the road. He froze and turned back to look out the window. His anxiety got worse.

He squeezed his eyes shut and took in a breath to calm his nerves. He opened his eyes and leaned forward to turn off the radio. “Stan,” He hummed in response, “did you call me disgusting?”

Stan turned to look at him in shock before looking back at the road. “What?”

“Kenny told me that’s what you said before. Is that why he’s mad at you?”

He paused for a moment. “That’s not what I said.”

“Then what did you say?”

Stan sighed. “I… I didn’t say that you were disgusting. I was just… I don’t know… You tried kissing me and, uh…” He drifted off.

Butters began to chew on his inner cheek. That’s right… Stan wasn’t happy when he held his hand and tried kissing him.

“I… I was just upset, I guess. I didn’t mean what I said. Everything was so sudden and-”

“What did you say?” Butters repeated, more firmly this time.

Stan paused again. “I said it was sick.” He glanced at him. “Not you! After you held my hand, you know!  I didn’t mean you, I just didn’t want to-”

Butters only nodded. “Right.” He looked out the window as Stan continued to sputter on. He didn’t want to hear excuses from him. He gets it. He really does. To be put in this type of situation with someone you didn't want to be with in the first place. But that's just how it has to be right now. Eric Cartman loves to have everyone under his control, but he knows more than anyone else to just go along with it. It's better to let the storm pass than running straight into it. 

Stan finally stopped talking and the rest of their ride was spent in silence. 

When they finally pulled up to the front of his house, he immediately moved to grab his belongings. 

"Butters," Stan started again.

Butters sighed, ignoring him, and opened the door. “Do I need to bring anything?”

"Butters…"

He gave him a pointed look, urging him to just answer the question.

“Just… wear something comfortable and warm."

"Okay." He moved to get out, grabbing his things.

"And if you're gonna eat something, make sure it's light," he added.

"Okay." 

"Butters-"

He closed the door before he continued on and trudged up to his house, noticing the empty driveway. He fumbled with his keys for a moment before he could open the door, feeling Stan stare at him from his car. Once he got in, he slammed the door closed and took a breath, trying to calm himself.

He was getting upset.

Letting his head fall back against the door, he began to take in slow, deep breaths. In four, hold for seven, release for eight. He did this until he felt his heart start to steady and his body wasn't tense.

He pushed himself off the door and headed straight for his room. All he had to do was distract himself until it was time to be picked up for… whatever it was that he and Stan were going to do.

He tried focusing on taking out his unfinished homework at his desk, but his vision started to blur. He tried blinking away the tears, but it had only made it worse. Doing his breathing exercise again didn't help either, instead, it only made his heart race as he began to hyperventilate. He pushed himself away from his desk and grabbed his towel before running to the bathroom.

After he turned on the water, he was quick to strip out of his clothes and hop into the shower, wincing at the freezing water. Ignoring the bone-chilling cold, he let the water run over his head as tears began to slip out, disguising it for whoever decided to give him an unfortunate life just for their own sick fun.

Holding himself for some comfort he began to let it out. Loud and ugly sobs. He let his mind race to fuel the fire - from the day he had to every little thing that had bothered him up until this day. Knowing how his parents were still out made him cry louder; something he knew he could never do if they were.

So much for it being a good day.

Butters waited until he was picked up for the date, keeping himself busy in the meantime. Going between watching t.v.,doing  his homework, reading, and just walking around his house with his mind distracted. 

He had put on something warm like Stan had suggested. A plain sweatshirt with a turtleneck underneath paired with some jeans. Butters didn’t really feel like dressing up. At this point, he just wanted to get it over with. 

He looked at the clock to read the time for the umpteenth time, getting antsier each time he did. It was almost eight. He huffed and began to pace around his house again, chewing on his lips.

Did Stan forget? Did he change his mind? Maybe it was a bad idea after all to ask Stan about what he said. He couldn't help but look at the time again. If his parents got back now, he wouldn't be able to go out at all. He was surprised he hadn't gotten caught yet. Though with how his day is going, he wouldn’t be surprised if they pulled in just as he was leaving.

He jolted when he heard the doorbell ring. Muttering a "finally," he pulled on his boots and quickly walked over to the door. He pulled it open and froze when he saw the familiar boy.

Stan gave an awkward smile. "Hey."

“Hi." He forced himself not to check out his friend too obviously. He was wearing something simple - A color block corduroy over his layered shirt and sweatshirt with jeans as well. He looked good. Really good. “You look very nice," he said after he realized he was quiet for a little too long.

Stan looked down at what he was wearing and shrugged. “Thanks. You can thank Bebe for that though. She refused to let me dress myself.” Butters laughed at this. “You look good too. It’s weird seeing you wear something different, but it’s nice.” 

He beamed at the compliment, even if he knew he was being nice. “Thank you.”

There was a beat of silence between them where they continued to stare at one another before Stan awkwardly cleared his throat. “Uh, so, yeah… why don’t we head out?”

“Oh, yeah. Let’s go.” Butters turned to close and lock the door.

He followed Stan to his car and hopped into the passenger seat. He felt a nudge on his elbow, making him jump and turn to look to the back seat to see Stan’s dog. Stan noticed his fright.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to leave him home alone.”

“That's fine.” He contorted his body to pet his head better. “Hi there, cutie.” He looked at Stan. “Sparky, right?”

He saw him smile. “Yeah.” He started driving away from his house and Butters looked out the window to watch the usual scenery.

After a few minutes of silence, aside from the low tune of whatever Stan had playing, Butters decided to speak up. "Where are we going?" He asked, noticing how his tone was a bit hostile. He cleared his throat and tried to fix it. "Y'know, 'cause you still haven't told me." 

“Lansen Park.”

“A park?” What the hell were they gonna do at a park at this time?

“Yeah.” Stan glanced at him. “You’ll see. I got everything set up for it.”

Butters hummed and went back to staring out the window. They were just leaving the town and soon they would be at the park. He wondered briefly what Stan had set up for them before he heard the music shut off.

“Butters?”

He hummed, keeping his gaze towards the window.

"I… I really am sorry."

He let out a deep sigh. "I know."

“I’m an idiot-”

He scoffed out a laugh. “I know.”

Stan hummed, obviously annoyed by his quick banter. “I know it doesn’t change anything, but I was upset and I said things I didn’t mean.” Butters didn’t respond to this. “I know that what I did was wrong, but I can't change the past. I can only try to make things right. Please, can we just move past this?" Stan pleaded.

He knew that it was true, but he couldn’t help but feel a little hurt by the whole thing. It wasn’t easy to just forgive and forget, even if he really wanted to. He turned to look at Stan and saw the genuine look in his eyes and he knew. He knew that he meant what he was saying.

“I know that you’re sorry, Stan. And I appreciate it, but…” he trailed off, not sure how to continue.

“But what?” Stan prompted.

Butters took a deep breath before continuing. “I feel like I’m the one who’s workin’ to make this easier for the both of us. I… I know it’s hard, but…” he drifted before sighing. “I don’t know… I think I'm overreactin’. I really do appreciate your apology.” Butters went back to staring out the window, crossing his arms tightly across his chest.

Stan was quiet for a moment. “Okay… I understand that.” He went quiet again and turned back on his music. They rode the rest of the way without speaking to each other until they reached the park. 

When the painfully awkward ride finally ended, Butters moved to get out but stopped when he felt Stan grab his arm. His eyes were wide. “W-what? Do we still have to wait?”

Stan let go as if touching Butters suddenly burned him. “No! I… uh…” He waited for him to find his words. “I just wanted to tell you that I think that I’m lucky I got to be paired with you.” He felt his eyes widen in shock. “We might not be as close as I am with Kyle, but you’re still my friend and I really want to make this work. Make it easy for the both of us… and I’ll try harder. So you’re not alone.”

Butters felt his face flush and he was thankful that it was dark out. He cleared his throat. “I… I want to make this work too.”

Stan smiled. “Good! Now, let’s go before we miss it,” he told him before getting out of his car.

Butters followed suit, confused by what he meant by 'it.' He noticed Stan pulling things out from the trunk and moved over to him to try to help, but he only waved him off. “I’ve got it. Do you mind letting Sparky out?”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” He opened the back seat and was greeted by Sparky. He smiled at the dog as it looked down and whined. “Oh, it’s okay, little fella,” he told him as if he understood. “I’ve gotcha.” He helped Sparky down and smiled as he trotted around, taking in his surroundings.

He heard the trunk close and turned to see Stan holding a few bags. He nodded towards the park. “Okay, let’s go.”

Butters followed Stan through the park and as they walked deeper into the park, past the playground and the fountain, the trees grew taller and the air grew cooler. They walked until they reached a clearing, where a blanket was already pinned and waiting for them, alongside some solar lights around them. He also noted how the area looked to be cleaned up from the snow.

Stan began to set the bags down and turned back to him. “Ta-da.” Butters didn’t respond, still wondering what they were going to do. Stan bit his lip and crouched down to move the bags around. “It’s, uh… I planned us a picnic.”

His eyes widened slightly as a smile blossomed on his face. “A picnic?”

“Er, yeah.” He pulled one of the bags closer and dug out a tennis ball. He whistled for Sparky’s attention and threw it towards him, which immediately excited him. “So we can watch the meteor shower.”

He gave a small gasp. "The meteor shower! I completely forgot that it was today."

Stan looked up at him with a shy smile. “So you like it?”

Butters returned his smile with his own broad one.”Of course I do!”

His smile widened. “Great! Let’s get settled in then.” Stan gestured towards the blanket and they both made themselves comfortable. As he sat down, Butters couldn't help but feel a sense of peace wash over him. He looked up at the sky, taking in the stars that were already visible. It was calming to think that there was a whole universe out there, just waiting to be explored.

As they waited for the meteor shower to start, they ate the food that Stan had brought with him, most of them his favorites. Butters couldn't help but feel grateful for the gesture. Maybe things were going to be okay between them after all. He took a deep breath, letting the fresh air wash over him. It was good to be outside, away from the screens and the noise of the city.

As they waited, they talked about everything and nothing, each of them opening up a little bit more as the night progressed. Butters couldn't believe how comfortable he was feeling, how easy it was to talk to Stan. They were reminiscing on past memories when a shiver ran through him. He wasn’t really noticing it before, but it had gotten a lot colder. He adjusted his position by bringing his knees to his chest.

Stan suddenly stopped talking. Immediately thinking that he had done something wrong, he stopped reaching for his drink and looked at him. “What’s wro-?”

“Are you cold?”

He hummed for a moment. "Yeah," he answered in a small voice. 

“God, Butters,” He muttered, irritated. “Why don’t you ever fucking say anything?” He pushed himself off the ground and began to walk back towards the car. He felt a twinge of guilt at this. Stan did tell him to dress warm. 

He grabbed one of the few remaining cookies and began to nibble on it when Sparky came back from his recent fetch. He dropped the ball and laid down next to Butters, yawning. He smiled at the dog and leaned forward to pet him. As he gently patted Sparky’s head, he suddenly felt a new weight on his shoulders. He looked up and saw Stan sitting himself down in his spot with a blanket in his hands. 

Stan’s coat. He immediately moved to take it off as he told him, “You don’t have to do this.”

“Please don’t start with this again. Just wear it for now, man.”

Butters sighed inwardly but decided to pull the coat on instead of fighting it. Stan seemed pleased as he pulled out another drink from the cooler. He cracked it open and took a sip, but made a noise before stopping himself. “I have a question.” Butters raised his eyebrows so he could continue.

“So, should I start calling you ‘Leopold’ or ‘Leo,’ or should I just stick with ‘Butters?’ Or, uh,” he choked on his words for a moment, “‘babe,’ or something like that?”

He shrugged. “Whatever you feel comfortable with calling me.” Stan saw a smile twitch onto his lips and he coughed to cover it from him. “But, er, ‘babe’ would seem more authentic, don’t you think?”

Stan shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he took another sip, “babe.” This made Butters laugh, which in turn made Sparky jump. “What? I have to practice to get used to it.”

Butters’ laugh died down into small fits of giggles as he tried to hide it. “Oh, you’re so right, babe.” He said with a wink before bursting out laughing again.

Stan smiled as he felt his face grow warm. He waited for Butters to calm down before speaking again. “So, uh, I have another question.”

“And I got another answer.” He gave a small laugh at his own response.

“Why… how…” Stan sighed, becoming frustrated with himself. “How come… you can just… adapt to this situation so easily? Plus, it’s not like I’ve made it the easiest task in the world.”

He shrugged. “It’s nothin’ I haven’t gone through. You just haven’t been with a guy before, but I gotcha."

“Oh, yeah. And you have the ‘experience’ of being with a guy?” 

It was meant to be a sarcastic jab at him, but Stan felt his body freeze when Butters responded with a nonchalant, “Yeah.”

He turned to him with his eyes wide. “What?”

Butters took a sip from his drink. “I’m bi?” This made Stan’s jaw drop. “Are you okay?”

Stan couldn’t help the shocked expression that was now plastered onto his face. Why didn’t he know this? Did he tell him and he just forgot? “Bisexual… I, uh… I didn’t know…”

“Oh, yeah… I, uh, brought it up in passing. I guess only Kyle and Eric caught on. I-I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.”

“Ah, man, dude. I’m sorry!”

“Don’t be sorry. I kinda guessed you didn’t catch on. It’s fine.”

Stan covered his face, still embarrassed about this revelation. He couldn’t believe he didn’t catch on before. “So you’ve been with guys?”

“Um, yeah. I’ve been with both, that’s how I know for sure.” He paused for a moment. “I-I’ve hooked up with people but I did have a few serious relationships. Charlotte and I were pretty serious, I guess. After that, Bradley and I, we went to a conversion camp together, were trying to see if we could be together, but we didn’t exactly last long. Long distance, you know. I think my longest relationship was with Kenny. We dated for about two years.” Butters shrugged.

Stan’s mouth fell open again. There was so much information coming at him. Butters was actively bisexual? Conversion camp? Kenny? He dated Kenny?!

Stan sputtered for a moment. “Kenny?” He exclaimed. “Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't he tell me?"

“I didn’t want him to tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Well, uh, if my parents found out… I don’t even know what they would do. I didn’t want them to hurt Kenny, so… the only way was to keep our relationship a secret from you guys.”

“I wouldn’t have told.”

“I know… but you do have a big mouth sometimes.”

“Hey!”

Butters laughed. “Just jokin’!”

He gently punched his arm as he chuckled with him. There were so many questions swirling around in his head. He didn’t know where to start. He didn’t know if he should, but Stan couldn’t stop the next question from coming out.  “What’s it like?” He felt his face flush. Why did he ask that?! Why did he want to know?  

Butters tilted his head in confusion. “Like… what do you mean? With Kenny?”

Stan felt his face grow aflame. “Be-being with a guy,” he answered, voice small.

“Oh.” He looked away in thought. “Well, it’s the same as dating a girl, but it’s… different?” He looked back at him. “Sorry, I know that doesn’t help much.”

“Like… different how?”

“Well, it’s different for everyone, but for me… girls are… soft, if that makes sense? Their lips, when we’re together, and how they see the relationship. It’s nice, it’s soft, sweet.” He paused, taking another sip of his drink. “But… when I’m with a guy, it’s like… there’s somethin’ raw about it. Maybe it’s because I know my mom and dad would get real heated with me if they found out. Don’t get me wrong, there are ‘raw’ girls and gentle guys, but that’s just how it is for me.” He began to rub his fingers against his knuckles as he began to chuckle nervously. “I know, that sounds dumb.”

“No, I… I think I get it.” 

Butters smiled. “Okay! If you have any more questions about it, I don’t mind tryin’ to answer to help with any confusion about it.”

He nodded. “‘Kay. Thanks, man.”

He smiled. “No problem.”

It was quiet between them, but Stan couldn’t help a single thought gnawing at the back of his mind. “Hey, Butters?” He looked at him, making him ten times as nervous as he should be. “Could… could I-”

A small light that passed through the sky caught both their eyes and they both turned to see what it was. Butters gasped excitedly. "It's starting!"

Stan chuckled at his reaction and leaned back to watch them. Thank God for that timing. He wasn’t sure if he was gonna be able to face Butters any longer if he had finished asking the question. ‘Could I kiss you to see what you mean?’ Fuck, he feels embarrassed just thinking of it.

Every now and again, a bright meteor would pass by, lighting up where they sat. As they watched the meteor shower, Stan couldn’t help but glance at Butters every so often. He was experiencing an array of emotions he couldn’t quite understand. Seeing him in a new light was both exciting and terrifying. He was happy that Butters was comfortable enough to share personal details with him, but he was also feeling something more. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he knew that it scared him. Stan had never considered what it might be like to be with a guy before, but now that he knew Butters was bi, it was all he could think about. His mind was racing with questions and doubts. What if he tried it and didn't like it? What if he ruined their friendship? What if he couldn't stop thinking about it?   He was straight, right? He’s always known that he was straight. But then why was he feeling this way about Butters? Stan shook his head, trying to dispel the thoughts that were forming in his head. He was overthinking it. This was just a different experience, that’s all.

Stan took another peek at Butters and felt himself freeze. He couldn’t find the strength to look away. Butters was looking up towards the sky, eyes wide in awe. His mouth was slightly parted and Stan watched with oncoming embarrassment when his tongue slowly traced over his lips to moisten them. Stan’s gaze lowered to his neck and watched intently when he slowly lifted his drink to his mouth and took a few sips, making his Adam's apple bob with every gulp. Stan felt his face flush and he forced himself to look back at the sky. 

He tried to focus on the balls of light passing through the sky, but he kept on feeling the urge to return to staring at the blonde sitting beside him. He risked another look. His face would be lit up by a passing meteor that was a bit closer than the others and Stan could see his light eyes twinkle along with them. 

He was leaning back, propping himself up with his left arm as he mindlessly ate his chips. The coat that he was borrowing was a bit loose on him, but it looked good. He looked good. He felt a chill run down his spine. ‘Because it was cold,’ he told himself as he wrapped the blanket around himself. But deep down, he knew that wasn’t the only reason. There was something else that was making him feel this way. But… why?

His thoughts began to wander again and Stan suddenly felt a wash of shame run through him and he looked away from his friend before he was caught. He tried to only think about the meteors above them, but his mind kept on returning to what the voices in his head kept on chanting at that moment:

Butters looked really pretty.

Stan clapped a hand over his mouth as he gagged.

Butters jumped and he looked over at him in alarm. “Are you okay, Stan?”

He nodded and tried swallowing back the nausea he felt. “Yeah, I think I just ate too much.” He swallowed again and forced himself to look at him. “I’ll be fine.”

His face contorted with worry. “Oh, alright… Are you sure?”

Stan nodded, but tried not to make any eye contact with him. “Positive.”

Butters was quiet as he continued to watch him for a moment, before turning back to look up at the sky.

Stan wanted to punch some sense into himself. What was wrong with him? Maybe it was the atmosphere. It is something Wendy would like… maybe his mind was confused. He looked at Butters again and he felt his stomach drop. Yeah, that must be it! He just misses Wendy.

“Uh, Stan?”

He almost jumped out of his skin. He cleared his throat to clear any signs of nerves, but it didn’t help when his voice cracked when responding. “Yeah?”

Butters was still watching the sky. Hopefully, not noticing Stan’s behavior. “Do you see that?”

Stan looked up and began to scan the night sky. He noticed a bright green ball of light growing bigger and bigger, like it was heading towards them. Stan moved to grab Butters’ arm just in case they needed to move. “What the hell is that?” He began packing everything as quickly as he could.

It all happened so fast. Stan thought he had enough time, but whatever it was had crashed into the ground at the other side of the park, not far from them making the ground rumble. It was glowing ominously.

“What the-!”

“Nope.” Stan picked up what was already packed and grabbed Butters’ hand, starting to run to his car.

When they reached the car, they were both panting for breath. “Stan, what was that?” Butters asked desperately.

“No clue.” He knelt down and held his arms open. “C’mon, Sparky. Come here, boy.” His dog trotted over happily into Stan’s arms and he was quick to put him into the backseat. He ran around his car and jumped in, immediately turning it on and hightailing out of there.

Stan was gripping the steering wheel tightly as his jaw was tight.

“I just want a normal Senior year. That’s all I ask for, but do I get that? No.” He took a peek in the rearview mirror and saw something beginning to crawl out of the giant rock. He shook his head to get rid of the nightmare-inducing image and continued to drive.

He was speeding but he didn’t care, he just wanted to get out of there. As they drove away from the park, Stan couldn't shake off the feeling of unease that had settled in his stomach. After a few minutes of driving, he slowed down a bit and stole a glance at Butters, who was staring out the window with a look of shock on his face. Stan wondered if he was the only one that felt like something was off. He had a bad feeling about that green ball of light, and the way it crashed into the ground with such force was definitely not a good sign. Stan clenched his fingers around the steering wheel and tried to focus on the road. He needed to get them both to safety.

Butters shifted in his seat, turning to face Stan. "What do you think that was?"

"I don't know," Stan replied, his voice tense. "But I don't want to think about it. As far as I know, we didn’t see anything. I’m not involving myself in it and neither are you. We didn’t see anything. Right?” He didn’t respond. “Butters, what did we see?”

This was when the dam broke and Butters began to laugh hysterically. It had caught Stan off guard for a moment, but a lopsided smile grew on his face after a moment. "What's so funny?" Stan asked.

Butters shook his head, tears of laughter started to stream down his face. "I don't know, man. It's just... the way you said that. Like we're in some kind of spy movie or something."

Stan chuckled, feeling some of the tension in his shoulders start to ease. "I know, right? But seriously, I don't want to get involved in whatever that was. We should just forget about it and move on with our lives."

Butters nodded, still giggling a bit. "Yeah, you're right.”

Stan was able to get them safely back to South Park, and soon to Butters house. He parked in front of the house and took off his seatbelt. “I’ll walk you.” He got out before he could retaliate. He saw Butters shake his head with a smile before getting out of the car and making his way towards the front door.As he followed Butters, he kept looking up towards the sky, just in case some other meteor decided to appear to finish the job.

Butters stopped in front of the door and turned around to look at Stan. “Thank you for everything. I had a lot of fun.” 

“That’s nice. Maybe we could do something else too.”

“Yeah! That would be fun! Maybe we could go rollerskating or even-”

Stan wasn’t listening anymore. He was happy to have Butters back to normal again after he messed it up. He would nod with a smile every once in a while to keep him going, but he was using this opportunity to really take in his features. Though there was something appealing about each thing about him, there was one thing that stood out to Stan the most.

His eyes. 

He noticed one was significantly lighter than the other. That’s right… he never really got a closer look. He didn't know what came over him, but he had a strong urge to touch the light scar. He brought his hand up and gently touched where the scar extended under his eye with the back of his finger. He noticed how he immediately stopped talking and flinched.

“I'm sorry. Does it hurt?”

He shook his head. “No! It’s just, uh, I-I just wasn’t expectin' it, is all. I didn’t see you move your arm.”

He pulled his hand away from his face at once. “Oh, fuck, man! Are you blind? Er, not like that. Like, um-” 

Butters chuckled. “Yeah, I am in my left eye. The doctors were able to save it, but I can’t see through it. Any longer, they would have needed to take it out. My scar even runs through my eye.”

“Really?” He leaned closer to his face and noticed how his eyes widened as he did so. He looked between the two - his normal light blue and the very pale blue. “I don’t see it. Probably because it’s dark though.” He moved back from him so he wouldn’t be as close anymore. He looked down for a moment. “Butters, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? For what?”

“For… everything. I've been a dick to you and-”

“You’ve already apologized though.”

“I know… And your eye…”

“Well, that wasn’t your fault. Kenny threw the star, remember?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t really help either.”

Butters shook his head and chuckled. “You really like to wallow in self-pity, huh?”

Stan didn’t know how to respond to that. He knew he was right.

“Oh!” He began to unbutton the coat he wore. “Here’s your coat.”

Stan watched as he struggled for a moment with one of the buttons. He smiled at him. “Just keep it.”

He stopped and looked at him. “But-”

“Like I said before, I have others.” He reached forward and began to rebutton the coat to keep it on him. “You don’t have to force yourself to wear it out, just when you’re cold, man.” He finished the last button and brought his hands to his face. “See? Even with the coat on, you’re still cold.”

“Am I?” He brought his hands up to cover Stan's fingers, but just enough to touch his face as well. His hands were very warm in contrast to his face. “I guess so,” he mumbled. "But you’re just as cold, Stan! So, you need it as much as I do.”

He scoffed. “Just keep the fucking coat, Butters. If you don’t like that, then I'm just gonna have to buy you one myself.”

He looked at him with wide eyes. “What? No, don't do that.”

“Then my coat, it is.”

An endearing look flashed across his face before he began to snicker behind his hand. “Okay, Stan.” Those damn chills again. “I’ll keep it.”Butters unlocked the front door and entered his house. He looked back at him. “I’ll see you then.” 

He closed the door, but Stan could hear his father yell almost immediately, “Butters! Do you know what time it is?” Oh, fuck! He forgot how anal his parents were. Why didn’t he say anything?

Stan frowned at the door and turned back to go to his car. He plopped himself in his seat and stared up at the ceiling of the car. You really like to wallow in self pity. Hard not to when he’s ruining everyone’s life around him. I mean, he had gotten Butters in trouble. He let out a sigh and pulled out his phone, sending a text to the boy just a few meters away:

hey dude you ok?

heard your dad yell

He slipped his phone back into his pocket and began to drive back to his house, which was luckily not too far. He pulled into the driveway beside his mom’s car not too shortly after and got out, helping Sparky before he made his way inside with everything he was able to gather before running off. Once inside, he set everything in the kitchen and left Sparky to eat while he headed upstairs. “Mom, I’m home,” he called as he reached the top. 

“That’s good, sweetie.” She called back. “Did you see the meteor showers tonight?”

“Yeah.” He opened his door. “Saw them with a friend.”

She took a second to respond. “Oh, that’s nice.”

“Yeah.” He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he pulled it out. It was an incoming call from Butters. He quickly closed his door as he picked up. “Hey, everything good?” He moved to sit on his bed.

“Yes,” he was whispering. “I’m sorry I called. I didn’t know how long my dad would notice I didn’t give him my phone.”

Stan gave a small sigh of relief and laid back on his bed. “No worries, man.” 

“I might’ve… maybe… forgotten to tell you when my parents wanted me home… ”

He smiled, chuckling as he did. “Right, sure you did.” He chuckled again. “It’s fine, though. I’m just… happy that we did that. It really cleared up a lot and I’m relieved.”

“I really liked it too. I hope we can do something like that again.”

Stan placed his hand over his stomach, trying to calm the constant fluttering he felt. “Yeah, me too.”

There was shuffling on his side before a gentle sigh came from him, making a chill go down his spine. “I have to go now before I get caught. Goodnight, Stan. I hope you sleep well. Oh, and thank you for letting me use your coat. I feel warmer already.”

He jerked himself to sit up, his stomach suddenly churning. “Yeah, man. It's no problem. Night." He quickly hung up and ran out of his room, hand covering his mouth. He burst into the bathroom and started vomiting into the toilet.

He jolted when he felt a gentle touch on his back. “Are you okay, Stanley?”

“Yeah, yeah. I'm-” he gagged. “I’m fine. I think I’m coming down with something.”

"I see." Her voice sounded unsure. "I'll get you some medicine for your stomach, okay? Does your head hurt or anything?"

Stan shook his head. "No. My stomach doesn't even hurt, I just… felt like throwing up, I don’t know."

"Okay… I'll be right back. You just stay here just in case." She left him and he heard her dig around in her room.

His breath was shaky. What was wrong with him? This was the second time he has thrown up this week. He pushed himself off the floor and flushed the toilet. He moved over to the sink and began to clean out his move to get rid of the unpleasant taste. 

His mom came back with a pill and a bottle of water. “Here you go.”

“Thanks, mom.” He took it immediately and downed some water.

He noticed his mom eyeing his corduroy. “You look nice. Special occasion?”

He looked down at his outfit. Bebe was really proud of herself when she pulled it out for him. “No?” He shook his head. “My friend picked it out for me. Bebe, you know her.”

His mom nodded with a distant look. “Yeah… Well if you need anything else, Stanley, you just let me know. Oh, ”

He nodded and took another gulp of water. “Okay, thanks. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

He went back to his room and began to change out of his clothes getting ready for bed. As he undressed, his thoughts kept drifting back to Butters. He couldn't help but think about when he would see him again. Well, at school obviously, you dunce. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. He couldn't be thinking like this. He didn't need to start overthinking again.

He sighed and climbed into bed, pulling the covers over him. He tried to focus on something else, anything else but Butters. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath, hoping to fall asleep soon. But his mind was still racing, his thoughts still circling back to Butters. 

After a bit he couldn’t take it anymore and he sat up, frustrated with himself. Stan was just so confused. He didn’t understand anything. He didn’t get why he was getting sick or why his mind was racing. He needs to tell someone, someone who understands. He needed…

He needed to talk to Tweek. 

He grabbed his phone and began to scroll through his contacts for the blonde’s name. He pressed on the call symbol and held the phone to his ear, listening to the dial tone.

After the fourth ring, it picked up with a, “What do you want?” 

Stan pulled the phone away and looked at the contact again, confirming if it was Tweek’s number. He brought it back to his ear. “Craig?”

That Goddamn stupid nasally voice replied, “Yeah. What do you want?”

“I want to talk to Tweek.”

“Why?”

He huffed. “Why does that matter? Just put him on the phone.”

“Can’t.”

“What do you mean, you can’t?”

“He’s not here. He left his phone at my house.”

Stan rolled his eyes. “If he’s not there, why did you fucking pick up for him?”

“I wanted to know why you’re calling him. So, why do you want to talk to him?”

Stan huffed and just hung up. He didn’t find any point in continuing the conversation. He wasn’t Tweek and he made it clear that he wasn’t even there. 

Who else could he talk to about this? He began scrolling through his contacts, considering his options

He stared at his phone, eyes fixed on Butters’ contact. Did Kenny somehow read him right? Was… was he actually disgusted by him? He didn't feel like he was, but he hadn't had his sudden vomit episodes since elementary school…Why did he throw up out of nowhere? What made him have that sudden urge to get rid of his prior meal? He ran his hand through his hair trying to think back to when he was around eight. He bit his lip and moved to scroll down through his contacts to find Kyle’s. He clicked on his name and began to type out a message:

hey dude

you doing anything tomorrow?

Without waiting for a response, he decided to set his phone on his nightstand. He turned off his lamp and lied down, letting an arm fall down to gently graze the top of Sparky’s head. Something he did as a form of comfort when he was stressed. He let his eyes fall closed trying not to let a certain blonde overtake both his mind and dreams.

[imutrt]

Hi yall

Please go on YouTube and watch PSR clips: The pink glock and tell me which character would do this

Thank you and good night

[incorrectfabfifteen]

Hello, welcome to Incorrect Fab Fifteen, a blog about all things Silver Age Teen Titans! I've come up with the term Fab Fifteen to broadly refer to all of the members (which I'll explain below) as well as a natural expansion of the Fab Five (plus, it's better than just calling them the OG Teen Titans or the 70s Team).

For DC newcomers, don't be afraid of some of the comic terminology present, they'll make sense with more exposure.

Introducing: The Fab Fifteen!

Dick Grayson

Full name: Richard John "Dick" Grayson

Alter Ego: Robin I, Nightwing, Batman III, Red X

Birthday: March 20th

Love interests: Bette Kane (Pre-Crisis), Princess Koriand'r, Barbara Gordon, Helena Bertinelli (DCYou), Bea Bennett [There's probably more, feel free to send an ask so I can fix this]

Reading recs: The Judas Contract, The Cheshire Contract [collected as Nightwing: Old Friends, New Enemies], Nightwing Vol 1 by Chuck Dixon, Batman & Robin, The Black Mirror, New 52 Nightwing by Kyle Higgens

Wally West

Full name: Wallace Rudolph "Wally" West

Alter Ego: Kid Flash I, The Flash III

Birthday: January 16

Love interests: Donna Troy (Pre-NTT), Rachel Roth (🤨?), Frances Kane, Linda Park, Jesse Chambers

Reading recs: Born To Run, Savage Velocity, The Flash by William Messner-Loebs and Greg LaRoque, The Flash by Mark Waid, Flash Forward, The Flash by Jeremy Adams (especially The Return of Wally West and One-Minute War)

Donna Troy

Full name: Donna Hinckley Stacy Troy

Alter ego: Wonder Girl, Troia (Who Is Wonder Girl? until Total Chaos; JLA/Titans until Infinite Crisis; No Justice onwards), Darkstar (Zero Hour until Meltdown), Wonder Woman IV (Who Is Wonder Woman?)

Birthday: April 26

Love interests (oh boy): Dick Grayson (FORMERLY), Wally West (only during the Silver Age + some weird thing during DC Rebirth), Garth (Titans 2018 + Titans United), Roy Harper, Kyle Rayner

Reading recs: Who Is Wonder Girl? [Collected in The New Teen Titans Who is Donna Troy?], Wonder Woman By John Byrne Vol. 3, The Return of Donna Troy, Wonder Woman: Who is Wonder Woman?, Titans: The Spark and Into The Bleed

Garth

Full name: Prince Garth of Shayeris

Alter ego: Aqualad (also legal name until Crisis), Tempest

Birthday: March 6

Love interests: Donna Troy, Tula Marinus, Dolphin, Lilith Clay (temporary)

Reading recs: World's Finest: Teen Titans, Death of a Prince, Tempest by Phil Jimenez, Aquaman by Peter David, JLA: The Obsidian Age, Aquaman: Underworld

Roy Harper

Full name: Roy William Harper Jr.

Alter ego: Speedy, Arsenal, Red Arrow

Birthday: November 1

Love interests: Donna Troy, Jade Nguyen, Kendra Saunders

Reading recs: Snowbirds Don't Fly, The Cheshire Contract [Collected as Nightwing: Old Friends, New Enemies], Arsenal by Devin Grayson, Outsiders 2003, Justice League of America 2007, Infinite Frontier, Green Arrow 2023

Lilith Clay

Full name: Lilith Jupiter-Clay

Alter ego: Omen

Birthday: Not stated but her debut was November 18

Love interests: Gnarrk, Donald Hall, Garth, Bette Kane

Reading recs: The Terror of Trigon, Teen Titans by Dan Jurgens, Teen Titans: Life and Death, Titans Hunt (2015), Titans Rebirth

Mal Duncan

Full name: Malcolm Arnold "Mal" Duncan

Alter ego: Guardian (Pre-Crisis), Hornblower, Herald (Post-Crisis), Vox (Infinite Crisis until Flashpoint)

Birthday: Not stated

Love interests: Karen Beecher

Reading recs: Silver Age Teen Titans, Titans Hunt, Titans Rebirth, The Other History of the DC Universe #2

Fun fact: Mal Duncan was featured in the first interracial kiss in comics history with a goodbye kiss between him and Lilith!

Karen Beecher

Full name: Karen Beecher-Duncan

Alter ego: Bumblebee

Birthday: Not stated

Love interests: Mal Duncan

Reading recs: Silver Age Teen Titans, Titans Hunt, Titans Rebirth, The Other History of the DC Universe #2, Doom Patrol by Keith Giffen

Don Hall

Full name: Donald Hall

Alter ego: Dove

Birthday: Not stated

Love interests: Lilith Clay

Reading recs: The Hawk & The Dove, Silver Age Teen Titans, Crisis on Infinite Earths

Hank Hall

Full name: Henry "Hank" Hall

Alter ego: Hawk, Monarch (Armageddon 2001), Extant (Zero Hour until JSA)

Birthday: Not stated

Love interests: Dawn Granger, Ren Takamori

Reading recs: The Hawk and The Dove, Hawk and Dove: Ghosts & Demons, Hawk and Dove (1989), Birds of Prey (2010)

Dawn Granger

Full name: Dawn Marie Granger

Alter ego: Dove

Birthday: Not stated

Love interests: Hank Hall, Sal Arsala

Reading recs: Hawk and Dove: Ghosts & Demons, Hawk and Dove (1989), Birds of Prey (2010)

Duela Dent

Full name: Duela Dent

Alter ego: Joker's/Riddler's/Penguin's Daughter, Card Queen, Harlequin

Birthday: Not stated

Love interests: Earth-1 Dick Grayson, Earth-3 Dick Grayson

Reading recs: Silver Age Teen Titans, Teen Titans: Titans East

Bette Kane

Full name: Mary Elizabeth "Bette" Kane

Alter ego: Batgirl (Pre-Crisis), Flamebird (Post-Crisis, current mantle), Hawkfire (N52 Batwoman only)

Birthday: Not stated

Love interests: Dick Grayson (Pre-Crisis)

Reading recs: Teen Titans Vol 1 #50-53, Hawk and Dove Vol 3 Annual 1, Beast Boy (2000), DC's Legion of Bloom

Charley Parker

Full name: Charles Edmund "Charley" Parker (human name); Ch'al Andar (Thanagarian name)

Alter ego: Golden Eagle, Hawkman IV (Rise of the Golden Eagle)

Birthday: Not stated

Love interests: Kendra Saunders (I think?)

Reading recs: Hawkman: Rise of the Golden Eagle,

Tula

Full name: Tula Marinus

Alter ego: Aquagirl

Birthday: Not stated

Love interests: Garth

Reading recs: Tempest by Phil Jimenez, New 52 Aquaman, Mera: Queen of Atlantus, Aquaman by Kelly Sue DeConnick, Aquamen

So a special note: despite Beast Boy being a part of the Titans West (as well as appearing in the above photograph), they do not count as part of the Fab Fifteen, mainly because he's already part of the New Teen Titans. Also note that this acc won't be using the New 52 version of Duela Dent (although the Gotham Knights version is fine so feel free to send in any hcs about her)

Also you maybe be asking why Gnarrk's entry is below instead of with everybody else. That's because Gnarrk was never a Titan in the first place. Sure, he appeared as part of the title and was there when the Titans West was formed but he never actually joined the team at all. Gnarrk becoming a Titan became a thing when he was introduced following the New 52.

Gnarrk

Full name: Unknown

Alter ego: Caveboy

Birthday: Not stated

Love interests: Lilith Clay

Reading recs: Titans Hunt (2015), Titans Rebirth

Uhh, yeah, so that's the Fab Fifteen! Again, don't worry about this technical jargon if you're a newcomer and you just wanna look at the other posts, we're all here to have fun.

[lands-of-fantasy]

Titular Women in Live-action Superhero Media

Cathy Lee Crosby as Diana Prince / Wonder Woman in Wonder Woman (1975)

Lynda Carter as Diana Prince / Wonder Woman in Wonder Woman (1975-79)

Helen Slater as Kara Zor-El / Linda Lee / Supergirl in Supergirl (1984)

Teri Hatcher as Lois Lane in Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman (1993-97)

Ashley Scott as Helena Kyle / Huntress, Dina Meyer as Barbara Gordon / Oracle, Rachel Skarsten as Dinah Redmond in Birds of Prey (2002-03)

Halle Berry as Patience Phillips / Catwoman in Catwoman (2004)

Jennifer Garner as Elektra Natchios in Elektra (2005)

Melissa Benoist as Kara Zor-El / Kara Danvers / Supergirl in Supergirl (2015-21)

Hayley Atwell as Peggy Carter in Agent Carter (2015-16)

Krysten Ritter as Jessica Jones in Jessica Jones (2015-19)

Gal Gadot as Diana Prince / Wonder Woman in Wonder Woman (2017) and Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)

Olivia Holt as Tandy Bowen in Cloak & Dagger (2018-19)*

Evangeline Lily as Hope van Dyne / The Wasp in Ant-Man and The Wasp (2018) and Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania (2023)

Brie Larson as Carol Danvers / Captain Marvel in Captain Marvel (2019)

Sophie Turner as Jean Grey / Phoenix in X-Men: Dark Phoenix

Ruby Rose as Kate Kane / Batwoman in Batwoman Season 1 (2019-20)

Margot Robbie as Dr. Harleen Quinzel / Harley Quinn, Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Helena Bertinelli / The Huntress, Jurnee Smollett-Bell as Dinah Lance / Black Canary, Rosie Perez as Renee Montoya, Ella Jay Basco as Cassandra Cain in Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)

Margot Robbie as Dr. Harleen Quinzel / Harley Quinn in Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)

Brec Bassinger as Courtney Whitmore / Stargirl in Stargirl (2020-22)

Elizabeth Olsen as Wanda Maximoff / Scarlet Witch in WandaVision

Javicia Leslie as Ryan Wilder / Batwoman in Batwoman Season 2–3 (2021-22)

Elizabeth Tulloch as Lois Lane in Superman & Lois (2021-)

Scarlett Johansson Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow in Black Widow (2021)

Hailee Steinfeld as Kate Bishop in Hawkeye (2021-?)**

Kaci Walfall as Naomi McDuffie in Naomi (2022)

Iman Vellani as Kamala Khan / Ms. Marvel in Ms. Marvel (2022-?)

Tatiana Maslany as Jennifer Walters / She-Hulk in She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (2022-?)

Letitia Wright as Shuri /Black Panther in Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

Brie Larson as Carol Danvers / Captain Marvel, Teyonah Parris as Monica Rambeau, Iman Vellani as Kamala Khan / Ms. Marvel in The Marvels (2023)

Alaqua Cox as Maya Lopez in Echo (2024-?)*

________________

*While not directly reffered as such in their shows, "Dagger" and "Echo" are, respectively, Tandy's and Maya's codenames in the comics.

**This also goes for Kate and the "Hawkeye" codename, but in her case the show implies she will use it in the near future with the blessing of Clint Barton (the original Hawkeye, who also stars in the show).

[skribz202]

I’ve got another AU idea!!!!

Hazbin Hotel x South Park. Here’s the recast:

Charlie - Butters

Vaggie - Kenny

Angel - Kyle

Husk - Stan

Pentious - Clyde

Niffty - Tweek

Alastor - Damien

Vox - Gregory

Velvette - Estella

That moth guy I don’t like - Christophe

Carmilla - Kevin M

Adam - Cartman

Lute - Yentl

Lucifer - Linda

Lilith - Stephen

Cestial - Shelly

Seraphim - Tolkien

Emily - Nichole

Rosie - Shelia

Let me know if I’ve miss-spelled any names and if I could recast any characters!

[hatchetfield-omegaverse]

Hatchetfield Omegaverse Masterlist!

Note: This will be updated as new posts are made, but if you notice something missing, please tell me.

Rules:

Rules

World Building:

General Lore and World Building

The Differences Between Types of Alphas

An Incomplete List of Omegas

General Lore Pt.2

Alpha Typing and Betas

Asexuality and Changing Second Genders

Errors in Alpha Typing

NSFW Omega Lore

What Is Presenting?

How Do Alphas Get Along In Groups?

Howard Goodman's Family Tree

How Heat Toys Work

What Are Alpha-Alpha Relationships Like?

The Process For Choosing Second Gender

Where do Hannah and Lex Live?

Who Tops, Who Bottoms?

Fanfiction:

Putting the 'D' in Study AO3

Summary: Peter Spankoffski was a punctual person, right down to his biology. He never expected his heat to come 2 days early, let alone for it to come while he was studying with his girlfriend in the school library.

Not A Perfect Guardian AO3

When Ted Spankoffski adopted his baby brother, he vowed to be the best guardian he could be. And now that Pete has his first girlfriend, he's determined to live up to that promise. That's just what good brothers do, right? Or Ted Spankoffski's Guide On What (Not) To Do When Your Brother Brings Home His First Girlfriend

Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Me! AO3

Peter Spankoffski is pregnant, very horny, and tired of his girlfriend teasing him.

Secrets and Shower Sex AO3

Kyle is ready to relax after a long day of football practice. But Max Jägerman going into heat puts a wrench in those plans.

Headcanons:

If you'd like to request a headcanon, please send me the characters you want, and you'd like them to be SFW, NSFW, or a mix. Hypothetical means it goes against a previously established hc of mine.

Pete Spankoffski Headcanons

Richie Lipschitz Headcanons

Ted Spankoffski Headcanons Pt.1

Ted Spankoffski Headcanons Pt.2 Electric Boogaloo (Omega Ted Edition)-Hypothetical

Ted Spankoffski Headcanons Pt.3 (General Headcanons)

Paul Matthews and Wiley Headcanons

Stephanie Lauter Headcanons

Lautski Headcanons

Howard Goodman Headcanons

Lex Foster Headcanons

John MacNamara Headcanons

Ruth Fleming Headcanons

Richie Lipschitz Headcanons (Omega Edition) -Hypothetical

NSFW Wilbur Cross & Macnacross Headcanons

NSFW Lautski Headcanons

Mark and Karen Chasity Headcanons

NSFW Ted Spankoffski Headcanons

The Lords in Black Headcanons

Grace Chasity Headcanons

Chai Coffee Headcanons

Bill Woodward Headcanons

Tinky x Ted Headcanons

Officer Bailey Headcanons

Barry Swift Headcanons

Max Jagerman Headcanons

Duke Keane & Miss Holloway Headcanons

Ted x Paul x Emma Headcanons

Ted x Tinky Headcanons Pt.2

Paul Matthew Headcanons (Omega Edition)

Mark and Karen Chasity Headcanons Pt.2

Ted Spankoffski and Charlotte Sweetly Headcanons

Tom Houston Headcanons

Sam Sweetly and Zoe Chambers Headcanons

Lexthan Headcanons

Paulkins Headcanons

Michie Headcanons

Halogear Headcanons

Linda x Gerald Headcanons

NSFW Lautski Headcanons (Pregnancy Kink Edition)

NSFW Wilbur Cross Headcanons Pt.2

Alpha!Grace x Omega!Max Headcanons

NSFW Omega Ted Spankoffski Pregnancy Kink Headcanons

Wilbur Cross Headcanons Pt.2

NSFW Lautski Pregnancy Kink Headcanons Pt.2

Peter Spankoffski Headcanons Pt.2

NSFW Ted Spankoffski Headcanons Pt.2

NSFW Macnacross Breeding Kink Headcanons

Ethan Green Headcanons

Tom Houston and Jane Perkins Headcanons

Peter Spankoffski and Ted Spankoffski Headcanons

Lexthan Headcanons Pt.2

Steph Eating Pete Out Headcanons (NSFW)

NSFW Michie Headcanons

Macnacross Cross Dressing Headcanons (NSFW)

Macnacross Breeding Kink Headcanons (NSFW)

Alpha Karen Chasity and Omega Mark Chasity Headcanons

Omega Officer Bailey Headcanons

NSFW Omega Officer Bailey Headcanons

Ted x Tinky Breeding Kink Headcanons (NSFW)

NSFW Lexthan Headcanons

NSFW Chai Coffee Headcanons

NSFW Paulkins Headcanons

Richie x Grace Headcanons

Lautski Headcanons Pt.2

NSFW Lautski Headcanons Pt.4

Spies Are Forever Headcanons:

(These are adjacent to the main headcanons and take place in the same universe)

Curt Mega and Owen Carvour Headcanons

Tatiana Slozhno Headcanons

NSFW Curtwen Headcanons

Curtwen Headcanons Pt.3

NSFW Curtwen Headcanons Pt.2

Barb Lavernor Headcanons

Omega Curt Headcanons

Curtwen Headcanons Pt.4

Curtwen Headcanons Pt.5

Owen Carvour Cross Dressing Headcanons (NSFW)

[one-winged-dreams]

Holy Flame's Gift (or whatever the fuck it's called)

ship: adri x leslie kyle, fm: adri & chocobo sam source: final fantasy vii word count: 1768

UHHH. UHHHHH. Christmas is in like three days and I'm NOT anticipating that shit lmfao, breaking in the new boy with trauma venting.

tag list: @dearly-beeloved @camellias-and-coriander @rebel-wolf13 @sunstar-of-the-north @mahitoslittlebird @goldenworldsabound @edencantstopfallininlove @sosoftandsweet @dorothys-wife @faerie-circle-ships @kylars-princess

Leslie had been present for what was possibly, if the timeline matched up, the beginning of Adri's spiral. Hanging around at the bar after hours, waiting for him to finish up and clock out, it had presumably all started with a conversation with his manager.

"Oh yeah, holidays are about to end. I'm gonna need you to put something festive together for the remaining week, think you can do that?"

Linda's request was reasonable enough, all things considered. It wouldn't be an unfair assumption to say that the usual patrons would get a kick or two out of some cheeky holiday spirit. The thought had Leslie's eyes rolling, but he clearly wasn't the only one with a less-than-enthusiastic response.

"N-No. No, that's stupid. I'm not gonna do that," Adri muttered, his air of confidence having plummeted to something mopey.

A perfectly drawn-on eyebrow raised as Linda regarded him.

"Uh, I'm kinda gonna have to insist. You're gonna clash with everyone else if you don't."

"NO!" the way Adri snapped startled both Linda and Leslie, though the latter was lingering near the back, pretending he wasn't listening.

"Geez, what's your damage tonight?" Linda made a point of rubbing her ear.

Adri's gaze burned, something that was hardly ever over something unwarranted.

"I'm not dressing for the STUPID FUCKING holidays, I'll call out if I need to. FUCK! Fucking ridiculous…" Adri trailed off with a mutter, grabbing his coat and making his way towards the exit without so much as closing his conversation OR addressing Leslie.

Linda and Leslie gave each other a look, both of their expressions an admission of ignorance. Leslie took this opportunity to take his leave and, upon exiting the bar, noticed that Adri was nowhere to be found. He huffed, shrugging to himself and taking this as to assume that Adri probably needed time to cool down. After all, he sure as hell wasn't getting mixed up in his personal business if Adri didn't want him to.

This had, again, presumably, led to the situation that Leslie currently faced.

It was a stupid notion in retrospect, he probably should have considered if a holiday gift was something within the realm of their dynamic. They had presented each other with little materialistic things before, but it had always been less ceremoniously. Obligation holidays were just that - an obligation.

But he had ignorantly figured that something USEFUL would circumvent the awkwardness of holiday obligation. It was nothing extravagant, nothing that even Leslie knew would be awkward to receive. Just a replacement for the more than worn tote bag that Adri carried around. A heartfelt gesture but a practical one.

Adri was at Sam's when Leslie had offered it to him. He hadn't wrapped it or put it in a cute bag or something stupid like that, but there was at least a cute ribbon wrapped around the strap. Even THAT he was embarrassed of.

Eyes widening in surprise was expected, the hard swallowing of a contracted throat not so much.

"Leslie, you… Why?" Adri's voice wavered, and it was when his shoulders began to tremble that Leslie suspected he had fucked something up.

"I mean. You know. Just thought I'd get you something because… Yeah. 'Sides. You needed a new one, bad," he tried to play off the gesture, make it less personal and more casual.

Not that that seemed to help in the slightest, as tears started forming in Adri's eyes.

"I… You didn't… You didn't have to DO that. I don't- Just don't worry about it, I didn't need anything. I didn't-" A shaky breath, "I didn't know you were gonna get me something, I don't have anything to…"

Leslie's eyebrows furrowed. He had been utterly unprepared for THIS type of awkwardness.

"I mean, you don't have to return the favor or anything. I just wanted to get you something you needed, might as well do it now," was all he could really come up with to try and de-escalate.

Adri hiccuped, and Leslie realized it was to cover a sob. This sort of emotional reaction was extremely uncharacteristic, and it was utterly unclear what was the best course of action to take.

"Just- Just go return it, get your money back. I'll… I'll pay you the difference if you can't. Fuck, just- I'm going home," Adri valiantly attempted to keep his voice from cracking or wavering, ultimately prevailing until the last sentence. Seemingly humiliated by his outburst, he pushed past Leslie and flung the door open, letting it slam shut on its own.

"Feelin' like you fucked up a bit there, aren'tcha?"

The sound of Sam's voice reminded Leslie that he had been there the whole time, holding his arms out in exasperation as he turned to face him.

"I figured something awkward, I didn't know he was gonna blow his top," Leslie scoffed. He sounded irritable, but genuine concern rang clear despite his tone.

"You know how tempermental he is. But is it ever baseless?" Sam folded his arms, Leslie becoming aware that he was hinting at something.

The connection was clear, everything Sam and Adri himself had told Leslie lining up like puzzle pieces. Taking off his hat, Leslie ran his fingers back through his hair in exasperation.

"Even over just a stupid holiday present?" he sighed, realizing his anger wasn't directed at Adri, or Sam, or anyone who didn't live ABOVE the plate.

Sam only responded with a nod and a hum of confirmation at first, but as he watched Leslie start to pace, he relented a bit more than he felt he should.

"When you've been raised the way he was, you start thinkin' everything's a weapon to be used against you. Even from the people that you love. Hell, maybe even especially."

Suddenly pensive, Leslie looked at the tote, the ribbon he had needed someone to teach him to tie into a cute bow now difficult for even him to look at.

"Fuck…" he sighed, shoving his hat back on his head. A moment of contemplation produced another sigh, and it was his turn now to walk away without closing the conversation.

When Adri opened the door, it was more than clear that he had been crying - hard. Leslie's presence seemed to startle him, a sniffle and a desperate swipe at his eyes being played off as if they were nothing. As if he were just greeting his boyfriend at the door.

"Oh, heyyyy. Did I forget something at Sam's?" Adri asked casually, not yet inviting Leslie in.

The latter tilted his head, gesturing.

"Uh, no, but can I come in? It's kinda cold out here…" he rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke, avoiding eye contact until he realized he was doing so.

"Uh," Adri started, pausing as his mouth opened, then shut, then opened again, "I mean, it's kind of a mess-"

"It's ALWAYS a mess. Either let me in or tell me to fuck off, just pick one please?"

The bluntness made Adri blink, his mouth staying shut for a moment before it was clear Leslie had made the right approach.

"Fine, since you're so desperate for my company."

The half-assed teasing and the way Adri opened the door to allow Leslie in was promising at least.

It was more than routine for Leslie to make himself at home, and things had eventually settled to the point where Adri was comfortable sitting next to him on the couch. But not before he was shifting around on his feet, trying to avoid it.

Now that he WASN'T, Leslie leaned back into the cushions, closing his eyes and tilting his head back.

"It doesn't have to be a present," as he spoke, he elicited a jolt from Adri.

"I mean… You still didn't have to. I know I freaked the fuck out back there, but…" Adri punctuated by biting his lip.

"You're fine, I get it. You don't gotta apologize to me for that kinda stuff. I thought you knew that."

Adri's head turned to look at him, Leslie's eyes still closed and his arms resting on the edge of the couch. Utterly casual.

"Well I feel shitty about it, maybe I want to apologize anyway. Maybe it'll make me feel better."

Now Leslie's eyes opened, lifting his head and staring pointedly.

"So you're telling me even if you don't have to do something, you can just want to anyway. Is that it?"

A moment of ignorance ticked by as Adri's eyebrows furrowed, followed by the return of his opening and closing mouth as realization dawned on him.

"You-!"

"Listen. I'm not telling you you have to accept anything from me. If it makes you uncomfortable, I'll stop. But I don't owe you anything, and you don't owe ME anything. Ever. You know I'm not gonna hold anything over your head, right?" Leslie leaned forward now, forcefully reaching over and grabbing one of Adri's hands. "Never. You don't have to put up with that shit anymore. Just… Trust me. Okay?"

The tears flowed once more, no surprise this time. They welled in Adri's eyes, and though he didn't let go of Leslie's hand, he began to desperately swipe at them again.

"Goddammit…! Did you put that together yourself or did Sam open his big fucking mouth again?" Hiccuping a sob again, he suddenly threw himself into Leslie's chest. Leslie choked for a second, releasing Adri's hand to hold his arms up before they inevitably wrapped around him. Beating him to words, Adri followed up weepily, "Fuck it, it doesn't matter."

Responding only with silence, Leslie just regarded the crying mess. The way their dynamic had subtly shifted throughout their acquaintance was… Staggering. After being relentlessly pursued by this flirtatious disaster, Adri lying against him, crying in an open display of emotional vulnerability, had Leslie wondering how he had gotten so comfortable with this. How this had become a natural occurrence, for both of them, even. He looked over at the bag, lying on the ground where he had shed it without Adri noticing.

"I love it, Leslie. Thanks."

Leslie was almost startled at that moment, blinking wildly as his gaze returned to Adri. Adri who lay against his chest, eyes closed and a teary smile adorning his lips.

"That's… good. I tried to fit your tastes. Your non-trashy ones, at least."

"You're sweet. I'll have to get you something cute in return."

"You don't-"

"But first, I think I'll give you something to hold you over until I do. It's already wrapped and everything. You should take care of that."

Leslie could only sigh.

[clockwrkcabaret]

It's the 70s All Over Again

WARNING! This show is for adults. We drink cocktails, have potty mouths and, at least, one of us was raised by wolves.

The Clockwork Cabaret is a production of Agony Aunt Studios. Featuring that darling DJ Duo, Lady Attercop and Emmett Davenport. Our theme music is made especially for us by Kyle O’Door.

This episode aired on Mad Wasp Radio, 04.28.24.

New episodes air on Mad Wasp Radio on Sundays @ 12pm GMT! Listen at www.madwaspradio.com or via TuneIn radio app!

Playlist:

Nina Simone – Strange Fruit

Charming Disaster – Paris Green

Curtis Eller – Waist Deep in the Big Muddy

Vermillion Lies – Global Warming

The Scarring Party – After the War

The Circus ContraptionBand – We’re All Mad

Jonathan Edwards – Sunshine

Arlo Guthrie – Presidential Rag

Leon Russell & Marc Benno – Tryin’ to Stay ‘live (1995 Remaster)

Walter Sickert & The Army of Broken Toys – The Times They Are a-Changin’

The Wolfgang Press – Going South

Crime & the City Solution – The Dolphins And The Sharks

Grace Jones – This Is

ESG – Parking Lot Blues

Death – Politicians In My Eyes

Big Joanie – What Are You Waiting For?

The Clash – Lost In The Supermarket

Magazine – Shot By Both Sides

Bam Bam – I’m Dead

X-Ray Spex – Warrior in Woolworths

The Damned – Feel The Pain

The Brat – Misogyny

The Linda Lindas – Talking to Myself

Amyl and The Sniffers – Choices

SPECIAL INTEREST – Young, Gifted, Black, In Leather

Living Colour – Open Letter to a Landlord

The Men That Will Not Be Blamed For Nothing – Doing It For The Whigs

Check out this episode!

[oh-a-very-toxic-octopus]

Finally got around to watching the Terminator films. We've seen 1–3 so far and I fucking love them. Spoilers in my rave below the cut.

The Terminator

Yeah, it's old and the score is cheap & doesn't rise like a modern audience expects and some of the dialogue is unintentionally silly, but the pacing of this film is mind-blowingly perfect and Linda Hamilton is just the coolest person on the planet. (Shout out to the invisible hand of Gale Anne Hurd, who surely did a lot here.)

The early character work is intensely 80s but I fell in love with Sarah and her buddies so quickly. Their chemistry is brilliant.

I love the stakes of the story and how succinctly they're explained. A lifetime of struggle and a near-impossible victory could be undone in an instant. Hhhh. We don't even need to see much of the future — its impact is evident in Reese (who I thought was Rhys, btw, so I died when it was revealed Reese was his surname and his first name was KYLE) and how battered and war-wearied he is.

The props and prosthetics are about as bad as you'd expect, but the team knew it and mitigated that by keeping those shots short. I loved the stop-motion terminator regardless. It's kinda charming and the final fight is so good I was carried away by the action.

Terminator 2

Jim is of the opinion this is the best Terminator film, so I went into it primed to be contrary, naturally. But I liked it!

I'm sad time and pop culture has removed the big reveal at the start; I can only imagine how fckn awesome it must have been to watch a contemporary screening of this film and experience the heel-face turn unspoiled.

The T-1000 is just plain cool, and the old CGI was clearly such a labour of love (and money) that it stands up remarkably well.

I love love the film's focus on what future sight really does to you, but I kinda hate it when characters go crazy, so I didn't much enjoy Sarah's early scenes.

I didn't much enjoy the sniper sequence either.

But in an unusual turn... I liked the kid actor and his interaction with the Terminator. The slang sounds even more ridiculous now than I imagine it did then, but it's fun.

As a result, I died at the end. When his arm was ripped off, I piped up all "omg, but they have another one for him in John's backpack!" Apparently Jim watched me from that point onwards and saw the moment my little heart broke, lmfao.

Terminator 3

I know this film gets a lot of hate, and I agree it skews too silly/kiddy in places, but the T-X was a really good active threat and seemed even more focused on her target than the T-1000. The boob joke was the only miss with her, in my opinion.

I enjoyed the film, liked the way it explored the impact of a supposed victory on John and then spanked him with that original fate/choices quote.

Kate was pretty cool but underutilized towards the end; I felt they failed to capitalise on the idea that she sent this Terminator back after it had killed her fckn husband. Not to understate how brilliant the final twist was to watch, but I wanted more Kate in the scene just before it; that final showdown shouldn't have been solely between Terminators, which 2 had clearly recognised.

I wish John's move with the T-800 in the hangar hadn't worked. Honestly it felt like Arnie had a hero clause or something; clearly the most impactful thing to happen there was a mirror of things to come, his attachment to a robot leading to his demise. Kate could have rescued him somehow and then have that image in her damn brain for decades until he's terminated in the future. I just... Yeah. Your main villain can control machines and she only hacks the good Terminator for three minutes? When there's so much emotional material to tap into with the betrayal? Boooo.

Overall I think 3 ties thematically into the other two films, so I like it and I'm unimpressed they've tried to hide it from the world. Might watch Dark Fate next and see how it fares as a replacement.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

That Time Again!

Harvest Moon: Wally West, Linda Park; No Powers AU, Murder Mystery AU, Serial Killer AU, Detective AU; WallyLinda; Flashfam

Wolf Tones: Laney Kent, Clark Kent, Lois Lane, Conner Kent, Lex Luthor, Mercy Graves; Reunited AU, No Powers AU, Kidnapped AU; Clois; Superfam

Moon Rocks: Jason Todd, Natalia Knight, Catherine Todd, OC(s); Canon Divergent AU; Natalia Knight x Catherine Todd; Batfam

Pidge: Jason Todd, Artemis of Bana Mighdall, Kyle Rayner, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, OC(s); Canon Divergent AU, Dad Jason AU; JayKyle; Batfam

Bug Juice: Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd, Natalia Knight, Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth; No Capes AU; Bruce Wayne x Natalia Knight; Batfam

[wolfieloveswade]

Actors that should be in new Terminator movies or tv shows

1.) Ryan Reynolds as adult John Connor, the leader of the human resistance(of course)

2.) Hugh Jackman as a benevolent Terminator(either created by John or sent to protect him and so on)

3.) Gina Carano as a new T-X Terminator(could be either good or bad)

4.) Jennifer Garner as Sarah Connor(she's basically Linda Hamilton 2.0)

5.) John Cena as The T-800(he looks like a modern Arnold Schwarzenegger)

6.) Sebastian Stan as Kyle Reese(he looks like Michael Biehn when he was in Terminator 1, only with black hair)

7.) Edward Furlong to reprise his role as John Connor, early 40s, leader of the human resistance

[luna-themoonie]

Chapter Three

A Raven and a Bat to See the Light in One Another

First - Previous - Next

Summary: It was only meant to be a stupid game of dares, 'The King's Game.' But, of course, nothing could go Stan's way. Cartman thought it would be hilarious to get under everyone's skin with his stupid dare and he did. Now, Stan had no way of getting back with Wendy because he was stuck with this dare.

Butters didn't care too much about the dare in its entirety. Stan was a cool guy and maybe they could get closer. He didn't see anything wrong with this dare from Eric. But, oh boy, if his parents knew, he'd sure be grounded. After this dare ends, he and Stan could still be friends, right?

What was the dare?:

Stan and Butters were forced to date for two months.

~~~

as soon as you both can get together make sure you convince EVERYBODY that you and butters are buttbuddies

holding hands kissing hugging

Then the next two texts were sent a few minutes after that.

shit even fuck around in the bathroom and have someone walk in

if you dick off this dare stan ill make you tegrrt it

*regret

Stan kept on rereading the text messages Cartman had sent him yesterday with a frown. They were specifically directed to him, so he was sure Butters had received something different to make him immediately jump in and come to his house.

He wanted to be more open-minded about the situation like maybe he and Butters can have a better relationship in the end. But thinking about how Cartman wanted them to go above and beyond with holding hands and kissing each other made his stomach churn. It’s not like he didn’t want to do this because Butters was ugly. He wasn’t. He grew up to be a good-looking guy, even Stan could admit that. Though, he’d never say that aloud. All he knew now was that he couldn’t explain why he felt so nerved by this situation.

Maybe it was because he wasn’t as close to Butters as he was to his other friends. He didn’t know much about his family life either, just that his parents were dicks. Stan remembered how he had gone through a mini rebellious phase against his parents at the beginning of high school; dying his hair black, staying out late, even joining his gang to do the crazy shit they always found themselves in. He remembered how he and Kenny supported him that week. After that, Stan didn’t know what happened, Butters came back looking as he did before as if nothing happened. Stan never said anything about it, but deep inside, even now, it bothered him. 

He always kept his appearance tidy yet casual now, dressing as if he was going to church every day. It was usually a sweater with a white-button up underneath. Stan would always wonder how Butters wasn’t freezing his ass off half the time. Maybe he could give him a new sweater or a jacket as an apology. Though, he wasn’t sure if that was going to fix anything.

“Stan? Stanley, did you hear what I said?”

He looked up at his mom, who was now staring at him from her spot in front of the refrigerator. He didn’t realize that she was talking to him at all. “Huh?”

“Your father has been complaining to me about you not talking to him. Can you try giving him a call?”

Stan shrugged. “I don’t really want to.”

“Why not?”

He shrugged again. “Dunno.”

She sighed, but dropped it, leaving him alone to stare back down at his phone and stab at the eggs he made. 

He stood up from his seat after a moment and poured the rest of his eggs into Sparky’s bowl. He gently stroked his head as he began to eat them before leaving the kitchen. 

He walked over to the couch and sat himself down next to his bag and his guitar case. He began to scroll through his phone to pass the time, liking some of his friends’ posts as he did so. Stan paused when he saw a picture of Wendy smiling with her parents. They were all seated at their dining table with their plates of breakfast, smiling at the camera. Mom surprised us with breakfast! Love you, mom!

He took another second to stare at the picture. She seemed so happy, but… was she? He wanted to know how she was fairing after their breakup, but he wasn’t sure if he should. His thumb hovered over her icon for a long moment before slowly pressing on her name to go to her account. He knew that this was a decision that he was going to wish he didn’t do, but it also satiated him for the moment. He scrolled through the pictures on her page taking note of how none of them shared any hint that she was distressed. Of course, there wouldn’t. Why would she want to share that with the world? 

Even when he found out his answer, he continued to scroll through her page. After a bit, he began to notice that one factor was missing from her account; him. All the pictures of him and Wendy were gone and he felt his heart sink. She really didn’t want to get back with him. She actually meant it this time. He clenched his jaw and clicked off her account before he had gotten himself upset. He clicked on Clyde’s profile and began to scroll through his. It was still packed with pictures he had taken from the party. That made his mind wander to the dare, and the dare made him think about Butters.

His eyes wandered from the bright screen to the hand that he was using to scroll with. He thought back to yesterday and how he had held hands with Butters. He remembered how warm his hand felt in his own and he felt flushed at the memory, though he didn’t really know why he did. He’s held hands with others before, both girls and guys, but why was it so different now? He wondered if he should get his gloves to wear for the day and after a moment of consideration, he placed down his phone and decided to run back up to his room to grab them. 

He made his way back down the stairs, pulling on his red gloves. He moved to pick up his phone from the couch to check the time. It was 8:03. A good time to head out. He shoved his phone in his pocket and picked up his bags and adjusted them in his hands, heading towards the front door. “Mom, I’m heading out!” 

He opened the front door just in time to see Butters standing there with his hand reaching towards the doorbell. “Oh!” He retracted his hand and clutched the straps of his bag. “Good morning, Stan!”

Stan pressed his lips together in a thin line. “Butters, you’re here...” Again…

He nodded with a smile. “Sure am!” His smile fell. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did you want me to stop?”

“Nah, it’s fine. Just…” He thought over his words carefully. “I can pick you up at your house. You don’t need to keep showing up so early.”

He noticed a look of worry show on his face for a second before vanishing, but he didn’t point it out. “Okay, I can do that.”

“Cool.” He closed the door behind him and made sure to lock it. He motioned Butters towards his car as he made his way to his own side. He placed his belongings inside and settled himself in the driver’s seat. He turned on the car and waited for Butters to finish with the click of his seatbelt before starting to drive.

Just like the day before, the ride was silent aside from the CD Stan had playing, though it wasn’t as loud as he usually played it. Stan tried focusing on the drive to the school, but he was hyper-aware of his passenger. He tried ignoring him and trying to listen to the words of the song, but Butters made it difficult to do when he was humming along to it. Stan sighed and moved to turn down the radio. “Butters?”

The blonde perked up at his nickname and looked at Stan with a bright glint in his eyes. “Yeah, Stan?”

As he drove, Stan gave small glances at him. “Are you okay with this?”

“With what?”

“With pretending to date me and whatever Cartman is going to have us do. It doesn't bother you?”

“Course not, Stan.”

He gave him a side glance. “Why?”

“Well, because you’re a swell guy.” Stan gave him a look that asked ‘really?’ “Besides, we’re friends, right? Just think of it as being a little more close to your friend.”

Stan took a moment to think about what he said. “Is that how you think about it?”

Butters looked down at his lap and began to trace his knuckles. “Yeah.” There was a moment of silence from him. “Stan, I know that I might’ve crossed the line yesterday. If you’re not okay with somethin’ I do, you can tell me. I will stop, you know.”

“I’m not okay with any of this.” He saw Butters flinch at those words, so he added, “But thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”

They were both silent for a moment. Stan moved to turn the song back up, but not before hearing Butters quickly telling him, “If it makes you feel any better, there’s nobody else I’d rather do this dare with but you.”

Stan felt like throwing up after hearing that, but he didn’t voice his feelings. Butters definitely had a way to make you feel bad and cut deeper with just his words. He didn’t feel the same, but he felt bad for having those feelings. It felt so nice hearing that, but he felt like he didn’t deserve it. They both left each other alone, leaving the car to go back into its silence.

Stan soon pulled into the parking lot of their school and found the same spot from yesterday. He turned off the car before moving to gather his things to get out. He pushed the door open and got himself out, adjusted his bag onto his shoulders, and held his case in his left hand, watching as Butters did the same. He made sure to lock his doors before they both started to walk towards the entrance of the school. 

As they walked towards the school to get out of the cold, Stan’s mind wandered back to the situation that happened around the same time. He took a glance at Butters to see him breathing into his cupped hands before rubbing them together and letting them fall back to his side. Stan bit his lip as he hesitated before deciding to slip his gloved hand into Butters’. He told himself earlier that he wasn’t going to do this, hence the gloves, but he couldn’t help himself. He continued to look forward as they walked, but he still saw Butters look up at him with a large smile from the corner of his eye. He tried to focus on making his way inside, but he still couldn’t help the embarrassment he still felt run through him as he seemed to only think about the hand in his own.

Stan didn’t know how long they stayed hand in hand, but they reached their lockers in a short matter of time. Butters let go of his hand and kneeled down to reach his locker while Stan went to his own, swiftly unlocking it. He placed down the case next to himself and emptied his bag from his books from yesterday to begin replacing them with the ones he knew he needed for today. It wasn’t much so he was able to finish up quickly. 

Stan closed his locker and turned to see if Butters was still there. Butters had his eyebrows furrowed as he was trying to fold up a set of clothes and try to shove it into his bag. Stan moved closer to him to wait for him to finish. He leaned against one of the nearby lockers and watched Butters from where he stood. 

He was adjusting the books and his clothing of the day in his bag before zipping it closed and swinging it onto his shoulder. He stood up and pushed his locker closed with his foot before turning to Stan. He visibly swallowed at the sudden eye contact with ravenette. “Uh, I’ll see you.” He lowered his head and moved to walk around him.

Stan clenched his jaw. He didn’t know what came over him at that moment, but he quickly grabbed Butters’ arm to stop him from walking any further. “Huh? What’s wrong-” Butters stopped his question when he felt Stan placed his free hand on his shoulder as he placed a chaste kiss on his forehead. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing would come out.

“See you.” He felt his thumb caress his left shoulder slightly before he finally removed himself. He watched Stan turn around and walk down the hall to his own class, but Butters' whole body felt like lead. He couldn’t move. He slowly brought his hand up to his forehead, gently grazing the spot where Stan had kissed just a second ago with the tips of his fingers.

“Hey, Butters, you alright?” He turned to see Nichole standing with Annie Knitts.

“Huh?” He noticed that he was still touching his forehead and he quickly dropped it to grip the strap of his bag. “Oh, y-yeah. I’m fine, I’m great!” He smiled at her, but this only earned a look of suspicion from her.

“Okay… Well, we gotta go. The bell is gonna ring in a few minutes.”

“Right, right. Class.” His hands tighten around his bag strap. “Yeah, let’s go.” He began to walk with the two girls to their AP English class. As soon as they stepped into the class, the bell had rung and Butters quickly sat himself down and took out his notebook for the class and the discussions they had. The teacher had begun to speak, but he couldn’t focus on the words she was saying.

Butters was distracted throughout the entirety of his class. He just kept on going back to Stan. He was definitely nicer than he was yesterday and Butters really did appreciate that. He knew that Stan was trying to get by this situation the best way he can. He knew he was a bit too excited and he needed to dial it back for the time being. But if Stan was starting to go along with everything now, he didn’t know how much he could take. Every now and again, he would gently touch the spot on his forehead as the thought of Stan would pop back into his mind. He tried participating in the class discussion, but his mind was all muddled. He would mumble a made-up response whenever the teacher would call on him and hoped that she would just nod and move on, but she would constantly ask for him to speak up. Luckily, he was seated next to Nichole who would tell her the correct answer with a ‘he said…’

When the class ended, he gave a sigh of relief. He quickly packed up his things and left the classroom. He waited for Nichole across the classroom door to thank her. When she walked out he walked up to her immediately. “Nichole, I wanted to thank you.”

She smiled at him. “No problem.” They began walking together through the hall. “Are you sure you’re okay? You were really out of it.”

“Yeah, I’m just a bit distracted today.” 

“Is that it?” He nodded. “Okay, I’ll believe you. But if there's something actually wrong, just know you can talk to me. I’m sure Tolkien is always open to talk too if it’s a ‘guy thing’ or something like that.”

“Aw, well, that’s mighty sweet of you. Thank you.” The door to his next class, Calculus, came into view. They both came to a stop and Butters gave her a quick hug. “I’ll see you around,” he told her before going inside the classroom, giving her a small wave.

He took a peek at the board, where the teacher of the class typically wrote down what they needed to work on for the day, as he grabbed a calculator and the class book. He sat in his designated seat, pulled out a few sheets of paper, and began to work on the assigned questions. He took his time working through the problems, circling the answers on each question he wrote down. He usually liked to keep to himself in this class. He considered himself pretty good at Calculus, but any distraction could easily mess him up.

“I heard what happened yesterday with Stan.” Speaking of distractions. He finished writing down the answer to the problem he was working on and looked up to see Wendy. 

“Oh, didja?”

She nodded before pulling herself a chair to sit across from Butters. “Yeah. How are you taking this?”

He tried to focus on his work. He never exactly liked Wendy. She was a bit too needy for attention and self-centered for his taste. He forced a smile for her. “I’m fine. I know Stan is a bit uncomfortable with everything, but I think we’ll get by.”

“I don’t know about that,” she drawled. “I don’t really think you two will last with Stan’s behavior and all.” Why ask if it didn’t matter what he said? Fucking bitch. “Stan is a really honest person. Usually says what he means, you know.”

“Wow,” Butters was just trying to entertain her now, “you must really know Stan, huh?”

The smile she gave him was a proud one. “I sure do. I guess that’s what seven years does.”

Yeah, seven on-and-off years. He hummed in thought. “Oh, then I wonder what two months will do. I think we’ll get closer.”

She raised one of her eyebrows and made a face, basically asking him, ‘are you sure about that?’ “Well, I’ll wish you luck. Stan is a very difficult person; hard to manage.”

Stan isn’t a fucking dog. Butters held his tongue about his thoughts for the moment. “Thank you, Wendy. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You’re welcome!” Wendy stood up to finally leave him alone. “Okay, well, I’ll let you finish your work.” She placed the chair back. “Oh, number twenty is wrong, by the way,” she told him before walking back to her desk.

Butters was glaring at the problem. Shit, she was right. 

-----

Butters was starting to get aggravated now. Throughout the entirety of his class, Wendy kept on coming up to him to start up a random conversation; each one about Stan. It was like she was trying to prove to him that she was a better fit for this dare. If she was so worried, why talk to Butters about it? He was sure if she mentioned it to Stan, he definitely wouldn’t hesitate on taking her back, just like every other time. 

By the time the bell had rung for them to leave, Butters wasn’t finished with his work and he wanted to scream at her. She tried to talk to him once more when he was putting the calculator and book away, but he briskly walked by to his desk to grab his bag. He tried avoiding her as he walked to the teacher to ask if he could finish the work at home. After getting the ‘okay’ he ran out of the classroom and tried to get away from Wendy as fast as he could.

“Butters, w-wait up.” 

Hearing the familiar stutter, Butters slowed down his pace for his friend to catch up. “Oh, hi, Jimmy.”

“Are you okay? You looked r-really upset.”

Butters sighed. “Wendy was just really annoying me.”

“You looked- y-you loo- It seemed like you were going to p-punch her in the face. I’m surprised she didn’t no-n-notice.”

“She has her head so far up her ass to notice. I swear she rivals Eric.”

Jimmy laughed at this. “Do-don’t let her hear that.” Butters giggled along with him. He stopped by a door and gave a nod to Butters. “This is my stop. See ya.”

“Yeah, see ya.” Butters continued to his own class, which was now Spanish. When he reached the class, he found a seat in the room and waited to see what would make his day sink further.

-----

His Spanish class wasn’t as bad as he expected, especially when he shared it with Eric Cartman. He was surprised to find him leaving him alone throughout the entirety of the lesson. He chose not to ask him why. He didn’t want to suddenly make everything ten times worse.

Though, when he went to his Auto Repair Workshop class, the last person he’d expect had made his entire day worse than it should be:

Butters, currently in the boys’ locker room, was changing out of his clothes of the day and dressing into something both comfy and that he didn’t mind getting dirty; a ‘wife-beater’ and a pair of old sweats. Once he finished, he folded his clothes and shoved them into his bag for the time being and left the locker room.

He was one of the first people to reach their assigned school’s garage for his class. It was large enough to fit eight cars in, therefore his class was small. He placed his bag down at the front before going to his teacher’s desk to grab his notebook and the key for his assigned car. He placed the notebook and key down on his rolling stool and popped open the hood of the car.

Butters began to overlook the car to refresh himself on what he already worked on. He wrote down a quick report on the vehicle and its status before doing a mental checklist of the tools he knew he needed and started to get to work on his final project for the class.

As he worked on the car, the other students slowly made their way in to join him on working on their own projects. Craig was the first of his friends to come in, settling to work on the car on his right. Then, it was Kenny, focusing on his own car on his left.

After a while, he heard someone speak up. “So, Butters?” He looked towards Kenny at the call of his name. 

“Yeah, Ken?”

“You weren’t on the bus yesterday,” he reached over to grab his rag to wipe his hands, “or this morning. What happened?”

“Oh.” He turned back to his work. “Stan’s been giving me a ride.”

“Stan?”

“Yeah, Stan.”

“Why?”

He glanced over at Kenny to see his eyebrows furrowed. “Well, what do you mean ‘why?’”

“Why is Stan giving you a ride to school?”

Butters shrugged. “I came over and he let me come with him.”

“Let me take you home instead. I don’t want you going with Stan.”

“You don’t want me going with Stan,” he repeated with a frown.

“No. He isn’t even treating you right. I’m not going to have him say some shit to you that-”

“Aren’t you supposed to be worrying about how you’re going to take Tweek home?” He saw Craig perk up from behind the hood of the car he was working on at the mention of the blonde’s name.

“You can come with us.”

Butters huffed. “Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why?’ I just told you that I don’t want you going-”

“Yeah, yeah, you don’t want me going with him. What do you want me to do? Ride the bus with you? Stan could’ve said ‘no’ and left me, but he didn’t.”

“So, what if he didn’t? It doesn’t change the fact that he’s a dick that has quickly lost my trust.”

Butters rolled his eyes at his choice of words. Over the years, he’s come to learn that Kenny is always one to overreact. Butters turned to Craig who was watching them, lazily tinkering with the engine on his assigned car. “Would you do this if Tweek was with Stan?”

He shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No. If Stan had said those things to him, he’d probably tweak out. No pun intended.”

“See?” Butters turned back to glare at Kenny. “I’m not the only one who’d worry.”

“Just because he shares the same selfish views as you, doesn’t make it right,” he told him, earning a ‘hey!’ from Craig.

Kenny narrowed his eyes. “Well, technically, it’s two versus one. So, I’m taking you home.”

“You aren’t my father.”

“Might as well be. Yours doesn’t even do that right.”

Butters clenched his fists when he heard Kenny say that. “Oh, really?” Butters could admit that it hurt hearing that coming from him.

“Yes. Butters, you can’t handle Stan like I can. He’s going to end up saying something stupid to you and it’ll hurt you because you’re weaker.”

Butters felt his face become warm at those words. “I am not weak!” his voice cracked as he walked over to Kenny. “I can take care of myself. You don’t need to protect me. I can handle Stan.” He snatched the wrench away from Kenny to use for himself. 

“I didn’t mean- I’m just trying to look out for you.”

He snapped his head towards him. “Well, it’s annoying knowing that you think I can’t do anything!”

“Boys!” Butters jumped at the loud voice and looked at their teacher who was watching them with a frown. “Focus on your own cars or you will hurt yourselves. You can fight with each other outside of this classroom.”

“Yes, sir,” Butters mumbled. He turned back to his car and continued to work on it. 

Luckily, Kenny had left him alone for the rest of their class. He was still upset at him, and at Craig for agreeing with him. He didn’t understand their worry to force someone to do what they want. He knew he could do things for himself, he knew Tweek was strong enough to do things for himself too. He wondered what Tweek would think if he knew the conversation they had and whether he would side along with him or with his boyfriend.

The final bell rang for the day and Butters sighed in relief. He grabbed his rag and began to wipe his hands, looking over everything he knew he needed to work on for next time. He began to write down his final report of the day so he kept track of his progress.

He felt someone place their hands on his shoulder. “Wait for me after showers.” The hand left him and Butters continued to stare down at the notebook he was writing in. He looked towards the door just in time to see Kenny leave the school’s garage and into the school, chatting to one of their classmates. 

Butters felt himself start to become upset and he knew he needed to leave. He briskly stood up, throwing his rag on the toolbox he had to share with Kenny, and reached up to close the hood of the car. He moved to the front of the room and grabbed his bag. He placed his notebook on his teacher's desk, nodding at him. “Have a good day, sir,” he told his teacher before quickly running across the room and leaving the garage through the door that led outside. 

He immediately regretted his decision when he was hit with a blast of cold air. It was worse when he was drenched in sweat after being in such a warm room for so long. He slung his bag over his shoulder and began to run towards the football field where he knew Stan had parked his car. He crossed his arms over his chest and held onto his biceps in hopes that he could keep some of his warmth. He saw the car come into view and not far away was the familiar teen wearing his red poof ball hat. He began to sprint towards the two and waving his arms. “Stan!”

He looked towards him and he saw his eyes widened. “Butters?” He saw him jog towards his car, unlocking it and quickly placing his bags inside. The engine revved on as Butters reached the car and he pulled open the door and hopped inside, placing his bag near his feet. He sighed in relief as the heater was already put on blast and was hitting his exposed skin nicely. He let his head hit the seat and he tried to catch his breath.

“Dude, what the fuck? What are you wearing? It’s freezing.”

He turned to look at Stan. His eyes were wide and he was looking down towards Butters’ torso. He looked down at the thin undershirt he wore for the class. He looked back at Stan. “I’m sorry. It’s what I wear for Auto Repair. I can take it off if you're worried that it’s gonna get your car dirty.”

“No!” Stan pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment before moving to clutch the steering wheel with both his hands. “No, it’s fine.”

“Okay.” He clicked on the seatbelt and leaned back again. He took a peek at Stan and noticed that he seemed to be a bit uncomfortable. He thought over an excuse in his mind. “I’m sorry, I usually change, but I was worried that you would leave without me.”

He saw his eyebrows twitch up in surprise and he turned to look at him. “What? Dude, no. I’m not gonna leave you behind. Unless you tell me to or something.”

Butters’ eyes widened slightly. “Really?”

“Yeah, man. I was actually just going to wait out here and send you a text. Then, I saw you and…” He drifted off. He noticed that his eyes shifted down to look at his torso again. 

He looked towards the clock and checked the time, noticing that Kenny would be done with his shower at this time. He glanced over to the school, hoping that he wasn’t looking for him.

“Dude, aren’t you cold?”

He shrugged. “I’ll be fine.” 

He heard rustling and small jingles coming from Stan and he turned to look at him just in time to see his signature brown coat being shoved in his face. “Here.”

He took a peek at Stan and saw that he was trying to avoid looking at him. “Aw, gee, Stan. You don’t gotta do that. Then, you’ll be cold.”

“It’s fine.” He dropped the coat onto his lap. “Just put it on.”

Butters smiled. He had his sweater in his bag that he was planning on getting, but he wasn’t going to pass this chance. He quickly pulled on the coat and almost melted at the warmth that it still held from Stan. “Thank you.”

Stan clicked on his seatbelt and prepared to leave the parking lot, mumbling, “You’re welcome.” He began to drive and Butters took this time to look out of the window.

He was watching everything pass by them. He was trying to clear his mind of everything that happened with the white snow and the flashes of people who were walking. He crossed his arms and carefully leant his head against the window, flinching at its coldness. He closed his eyes, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with fatigue.

“Hey,” he heard Stan start, “you okay?”

He sighed. “No.”

There was a moment of silence. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head. “No.” Another silence. “I just had a bit of a rough day.” And he still had his parents to deal with. “I’ll get over it.”

“Oh. Okay.” He opened his eyes and noticed that Stan had begun to pull into a driveway. He looked towards the house and noticed that it wasn’t his own. He probably pulled in front of his own house. “If you, uh…” He looked over at Stan. “If you ever need someone to talk to or to just listen, I don’t mind doing that. I mean, we’re going to be stuck together, so might as well.” Stan noticeably tensed and his eyes widened. The expression on his face made Butters bite back a laugh. “Fuck, wait, that’s not what I meant.”

He laughed lightly. “Thank you. That does make me feel a little better.”

Stan relaxed. “Sure, dude. Whatever you need, you’re my friend.”

Butters smiled fondly at him. He suddenly felt overwhelmed with mixed emotions and he couldn’t help a question from forming at his lips. “Can I…” He quickly stopped himself. He was sure Stan wouldn’t want to.

“What?”

“It’s nothing.” He leaned forward and grabbed his bag. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He gripped the handle to open the door.

“Butters, what do you want?”

He squeezed the handle. If Stan reacted badly, he could just pull and run. His house wasn’t that far, just a few houses down.  He sighed before saying in a soft voice, “Can I hug you?” He was staring hard at his shoes, anticipating his response.

“A hug? Dude, is that it?” He nodded. He heard the driver door open and he snapped his head up to see Stan getting out of the car and Butters immediately felt dread fill his body. Whether Stan had just left the situation or he only got out to make Butters feel worse in a more physical way, it left him heartbroken.

The door on his side opened and Butters looked up at Stan with wide eyes. He awkwardly got out and was ready to bolt down the sidewalk. He looked at Stan and was surprised when he lifted his arms and held them open. Butters stared at him for a moment and was sure that this was a trick of some kind. Stan only gestured for him to come forward with his arms.

With a growing smile, he dropped his bag to the ground and immediately wrapped his arms around his torso, placing his hands on the back of his shoulders. Butters was only a few inches shorter than Stan, but it was enough to place his head in the right spot - the crook of his neck. He took in a deep breath, noting how Stan smelled of whatever cologne he was wearing and a hint of something Butters couldn’t pinpoint. The hug was nice and comfortable, though he could feel that Stan was tense, he still appreciated that he allowed him to do this. He pulled back a bit and looked up at Stan for a moment, relishing in the moment until it ended.

Stan moved slightly and was now looking back at him and he felt himself become embarrassed at the closeness. He was sure he had been staring at him for a little too long, but he wanted to use this opportunity to take in all of his features. His favorite feature was his eyes. They were a clear shade of a blueish grey, but that wasn’t what drew him to them. It was how much emotion he showed through them, whether it was passion, happiness, or sadness. He had dark circles under his eyes now, and Butters felt saddened at this. He knew that Stan had his days where he had trouble sleeping and he wished that he could help in any way. He was trying to look into his eyes to find what he could see right now, but it was a bit difficult looking into both with only one eye and being at such a close range. Stan had gotten really handsome over the years. Even with the fact that his appearance was the last thing he had thought about when going anywhere didn’t change that. He even had stubble growing at the moment, but his face was usually clean-shaven. He always considered Wendy to be very lucky to be with Stan. He always wondered why she broke up with him, what Stan had even seen in her.

If he was given the chance to kiss the ravenette, truly kiss him, at least once in his lifetime, Butters would definitely take it. He swallowed and tried to get rid of those thoughts for the moment as he smiled up at him. “Thank you, Stan. I really needed this.” He noticed that Stan’s body temperature was becoming very warm and he had to hold himself back from reaching up to touch his face to see if Stan was coming down with a fever.

As quick as the hug started, it ended just as fast with Stan harshly pushing him away. Butters didn’t have a chance to ask him what was wrong because Stan practically sprinted to his front door telling him that he’d see him tomorrow. 

Butters looked at the door that Stan disappeared behind. “Oh… Okay, see you tomorrow,” he mumbled to himself, knowing that Stan wouldn’t hear him either way. He picked up his bag before walking towards his own house. 

He groaned aloud when he saw the two cars of his parents in the driveway. They were both home early. He walked up to his doorstep and pulled his keys out from his bag before unlocking the door. With a sigh, he opened the door and walked in. “Mom, dad, I’m home.”

A response was immediate. “Butters, do you know what time it is?” His father exclaimed.

“I think it’s almost four-thirty, sir.”

“Yes! Where were you? I know you leave early on both days so you should be home at two. Two thirty at the latest. Look at your mother, she’s worried sick.”

Butters took a glance at his mother in the kitchen, not particularly upset at his 'lateness.' He didn’t dare point this out. “I’m sorry, sir. I’ve been getting a ride from one of my friends, but he can’t leave early because he has full classes. I have to wait until he’s done to get back. I’m not foolin’ around; honest.” He tried explaining to him. Then he remembered that his early days only took place on every other day. “Oh, but today I had my four classes, so I would be coming home around this time anyway.”

“Are you talking back to me?”

“No! No, sir, I’m not. It’s just my schedule’s always been that way.”

“Give me your phone and go to your room.”

“But-”

“Now!”

Butters looked defeated. “Yes, sir.” He pulled his phone out from his bag and placed it in his father’s outstretched hand. He went to the kitchen and placed a light kiss on his mother’s cheek with a, “Hi, mom.” He quickly made his way out of the kitchen and up the stairs before his father could begin yelling at him again.

When he reached his room, he placed his belongings on his desk chair. He took off his coat, deciding to take a shower before starting to work on his homework. He grabbed his clothes and went to the bathroom, hoping he wouldn’t get into even more trouble by doing so.

-----

After cleaning himself up and getting himself comfortable in his pajamas, he began to continue his work from his Calculus class. Luckily, he wrote down the questions beforehand so he wouldn’t have to rely on his phone if he had taken a picture instead. 

“Butters! Dinner is ready!” He heard his mother call. 

He stood from his desk to go join his parents at the table, but stopped when he heard his father say loudly for him to hear, “No! If he wants to lie and think it’s necessary to goof around, he gets no dinner!”

He sighed and sat himself back at his desk. He shouldn’t let this bother him as much as it did. He should be used to it, but no matter how many times his father would take something away, especially his dinner, it hurt his chest. His parents were supposed to love and care for him, but they’ve never done that. They usually blame him for things he knew he didn’t do, and Butters usually went along with them. As much as he knew that deep down, they didn’t truly love him, he still loved them. They were his parents. He needed to.

After finishing his Calculus work, he took a glance around his room to find something to entertain himself until he could fall asleep. He could go on his computer, but he didn’t feel like looking through any messages he had gotten, whether it came from his phone, which he had connected it to, or from Coonstagram. It was also risky if his father suddenly walked in.

Maybe he could read a book, he hasn’t done that in a while. He looked towards his dresser and saw a couple of books settled at the top of it. He stood up from his desk and over to the small pile of books he had. He picked up a random book, making sure it wasn’t a workbook of some sort and walked over to his bed to make himself comfortable.

He adjusted his blanket and went to sit down, but noticed something on it. He picked it up in his free hand and immediately recognized the item. It was Stan’s coat. He completely forgot that he was wearing it. He considered asking if he could return it to him, but he highly doubted that his parents would let him at the moment.

He bit his lip and placed down the book he was planning to read on his bedside table. He looked around his room as if he was surrounded by peering eyes before hesitantly lifting the coat to his nose and taking in a breath. It still smelled like him. He slipped on the coat and sighed. It was like Stan was hugging him again.

He crawled under his covers and curled up into his bed, watching the sun slowly setting itself. He felt tears prick at his eyes and he tried to blink them away. He was really glad Stan hugged him earlier. He's been needing one for a long time and God knows it wouldn't come from his parents. Though, he did wish that it had lasted longer. Stan was warm… He wrapped his arms around himself and tried to press himself into his pillow, pretending that he was actually being held by Stan once again. He closed his eyes and tried to force himself asleep, but it proved difficult when he felt tears begin to slowly fall. He covered his mouth, so he wouldn’t give his parents any clue about his crying, and he gave a silent sob.

He was so warm.

[spiritdreamt]

BECAUSE YOU WANT TO DIE FOR LOVE, YOU ALWAYS HAVE.

percy & cash — for @goofily

lu yun (tr. burton watson), for ku yen-hsien, a poem for him to give to his wife // sergey galanter // steven meisel, linda & kyle // sylvia plath, three women // henry miller // malcolm t liepke // lord huron, lullaby // caitlyn siehl, start here // krzysztof kieslowski, a short film about love (1988) // the civil wars, the devil's backbone // andrew montana, strawberry // marie howe, magdalene—before the beginning // tony belobrajdic, hands 1 // the mountain goats, going to georgia // unknown // the x-files 4x01, herrenvolk // the mountain goats, going to georgia // l.h.z., the greatest lovers in hell // gustav klimt, the kiss // the mountain goats, love love love