#Like uhhhhh yeah I may have said so

[saltpepperbeard]

remember how i was like “oh haha wouldn’t it be something if taika and rhys turned up their whole ‘we wanted our little shoulder touches and pats to come across’ to a really romantic level and would have ed and stede affectionately touch each other whenever possible”

…yeah

yeah

[isaacathom]

the fun thing about having both my oc's character sheet and a relevant npc's character sheet is that i can look at them and go, hmn. yeah that npc couldnt kill me unless the stars aligned

cause at one point mariela wanted naielle dead. was fully out for blood. the only thing stopping her was/is the geas-esque effect imposed by their shared warlock patron.

removing the geas is necessary for making it remotely viable, because mariela flatly cannot do enough damage in a single instance to outpace geas, and the best way for her to stop naielle from killing her back would be hold person, which is almost guaranteed to drop if she's taking geas damage throughout.

so you have to remove the geas, which broadly supposes that naielle has voided her own pact and not marielas. so we already have a point of 'well, it has to go that way' and while thats not impossible at all, its not the only way things will go.

naielle HAS to be out of the pact entirely for this to remotely work, too, because mariela NEEDS to remove her radiant resistance. her only damaging spell in significant amounts is guiding bolt, which is useless against naielle as a celestial warlock. you NEED that resistance gone to stand a chance.

but even then - mariela's a warlock too. she can only do guiding bolt so many times. 3, in fact. 3 regulars wont do it. it MIGHT, but the room of error is so small.

the best way to do it, in my mind, would be to use slot one to hold person, and take advantage of the auto crit w/i 5ft to launch 2 guiding bolts straight to the dome. 32d6+8, bam.

except this requires naielle to fail, at minimum, 3 wisdom saves. if she succeeds on even one of them, you lose an autocrit and are now w/i 5ft of a woman who, while down her warlock spells, still has a sword and a dragon king in her pocket. you need her to fail every single wis save.

now, i dont know how you'd rule the proficiency bonus of a classless individual (since if naielle isnt a warlock... well... ?). it might depend on circumstance, when mariela tries this. if naielles not a warlock, there was talk that she'd be made a fighter for a few sessions before becoming a sorcerer (long story). if shes in either, then wisdom fails are entirely doable, since she'd only have a +2. if she's still using the proficiency from her being a warlock (ie if mariela tries this immediately after naielle stops being a warlock), then mariela is fucked.

its possible. but still, 3 failed wisdom saves. marielas dc is only, what, 17? naielle still has a like 75% ish chance to get one of them. and even one success immediately fucks the plan. its not impossible, but its not great.

now a depowered naielle is NOT capable of killing mariela, ignoring the fact that naielle is not particularly inclined to do so, even if mariela is literally murdering her. naielles stubborn. but if she gets a turn off, she'll have to ability to alert people. and at that point shits fucked. like to get this to work, and stay working, you gotta kill her and keep her dead for over a minute. good luck?

an option for that is to remove her from the jade sea entirely, aware from the crew, and maybe just merc her in the astral sea. thats one of your spell slots spent just getting her there, assuming she doesnt manage to succeed on the check to Not Be Grabbed? like eg if its plane shift (which mariela wouldnt have access to, but lets not quibble), an unwilling creature has to hit with a melee spell attack (admittedly not hard here, her ac is only 16, marielas got over 50% chance to hit), and then fail a charisma save. even if naielle is no longer proficient with cha saves, its her highest stat. its not a sure bet. also if you use plane shift like that she gets banished on her own, you dont go with her and continue the fight. so you'd have to finagle.

removing naielle from the primary source of her power (her warlock patron) and her defences (the crew) are basically both required. if shes on her own in the astral sea, well. but llso! dragon king in pocket! if you start really wailing on her, and shes alone, if she gets the slightest chance she's going to do something with that orb, and she wont be happy about it afterwards but it might just give her the means to escape.

a LOT has to go marielas way to kill naielle, is all im saying. you'd want to get her out of the pact, remove her from the fleet, and ideally separate her from both the dragon orb AND her mindflayer sword, which SHE CAN USE TO PLANE SHIFT. Even if you're not on a different plane in this fight, Naielle might panic and peace the fuck out. you'd have to chase her. thats another spell slot.

fully mariela couldnt kill naielle unless she had help. maybe using a summon spell could help, get a creature restraining her, things of this nature. you have to completely disarm her. and if you did, and she's alone, and theres noone to save her, you would be forced to just like. eldritch blast her down. it would be a pathetic fight. it wouldnt be satisfying. it would be slow and painful and it would linger if shes trying to escape, and if shes not, thats not fucking satisfying either. no way thats what mariela would want. she might even give up after a bit of that.

probably easier overall to just kidnap her or smth. dont stop anywhere, just take her back or smth. she can be executed no problem. but mariela doing it herself is just going to be a miserable affair for everyone involved, including her.

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Finally finished the first part of gai’s 8 gates coma and how kakashi dealt with it rewrite people have been requesting. [tw blood, injury, coma, death discussions, grief]

Kurenai: Kakashi Kks: Ah. Kurenai and...baby, what’s up? Kurenai: You mind if I come in a moment? Kks: Uhhhhh I-

Kks: So what did you need to speak about? Did something happen? K: No, Nothing’s happened. You haven’t gotten to properly see and bond with her yet. Here Kks: You know I’m not fond of kids. K: That’s why I didn’t ask. Hold your arms out. Ok, now, don’t look absolutely petrified.

Kks: She’s ok, I guess [YELP] Oi! Don’t pinch me while I’m holding your baby! K: You wouldn’t drop her. Asuma would haunt you forever! Kks: Terrifying thought, Mirai.... How are you feeling? K: Exhausted. Do you really want to hear how horrifying having a baby is? Kks: No, please don’t tell me.

K: I came over to check on you as well. Any news? Kks: No. He’s still the same. K: Is that why it looks like this in here? Kks: ...Yeah. Doctor said he may never wake up. Since we’re eachother’s medical contacts, Tsunade told me I had to prepare to make hard decisions should it come to that.

Kks: With the council breathing down my neck over a job I don’t want, I had... A bit of an outburst. K: I don’t even blame you. That’s... That they expect you to carry on like normal. Still grieving. The person you love most is gone. But you’re still here. Don’t let them just dust you off and move on again. I’ll always have your back. Kks: You and Asuma always did. Even when I wasn’t grateful for it.

Kks: I can’t tell if they just don’t care or didn’t realize, Gai’s the one who held me together all these years. Only reason I’m still here at all is because of him. I don’t think tenzou, the elders, or the village are prepared for what’ll become of me if I lose him. So, I don’t care anymore. Let them be mad. I won’t give up on him. K: You should talk to him. Kks: huh K: Talk about anything! I’m sure the sound of your voice will help him find his way back. Especially if you sound sad, Kks: uuh

K: I can hear it now, “My eternal rival is sad? Not on my watch!“ Kks: Pretty accurate impression. K: There’s been lots of source material! Kks: Maaa, Your mom’s a huge dork K: Oi! [kakashi chuckles]

K: He’ll be so upset he missed her birth Kks: Oh, devastated. I can’t wait to see the look on Gai’s face, Mirai, when I tell him /I/ held you first! When he wakes up

Kks: Hey, Gai. Kurenai said i should talk to you.

Kks: Feels weird. Most of the people I’m used to talking to like this are all... Dead.

It’s so eerie how silent you’ve been for so long. you’re not even this quiet when you sleep. Your kids come everyday to see you. Naruto and sakura when they can. Lots of others. I’ve been telling them embarrassing  stories from when we were kids since you keep making them wait. Do you remember when I came over while you and Dai were making supper

Dai: Kakashi! Good to see you, my boy! Kks: Id Gai home? Dai: He’s helping with supper! Go on, inside, you’re always welcome! Kks: Ok Dai: Atta boy Kks: Hey, G- !? ummm? Gai: OH!! Rival!! Kks:  Is that a lid?! Gai: Correct!! It stops me from crying while cutting onions! A win for me!!

Kks: Against.... the onions? Gai: Yep! KKs:[snicker] Gai: Laugh all you want! Not everyone can comprehend innovation. Kks: Whatever. You forgot this at the training grounds. I know it’s yours there’s a turtle on it. Gai: See! You’re already tearing up! Kks: Am not Gai: Also, thankyou so much! Kks: Bye, I’m leaving. Gai: Could it be? You’re scared I can cut much faster than you! Kks: I am not scared. Gai: Good, I think we have another lid! Kks: YOU-!

Dai: Great to see growing boys with such a hunger! I’ll never have to prep onions again! Kks: I think about that everytime I chop onions now. You’ve altered my brain with all the ridiculous things you’ve done. Can’t even look at the toys you’ve gotten the dogs without getting emotional

Kks: Just knowing you’re here still, I can barely function. It’s pretty pathetic... Your hair’s getting long. Turning into your dad.

[gai’s heartbeat] Kks: Gai

[gais heartbeat continues]

[gai’s heartbeat continues] Kks: If anything should happen to me, you’ll rush over, right? Gai: Damn right, I will. Dont you worry about that.

[Gai’s heartbeat]

Kks: I miss you

[footballfanficwriter]

Kylian Mbappe with major baby fever but you’re not buying it

Let's have a baby

Kylian and I are in bed having a conversation

"So uhm what do you think about having a baby?"

I'm silent, I don't have a response to that question, fuck what do I say

"Uhhhhh, yeah maybe in a few more years"

"How many years is a few more years"

How about 10-15

"3-4 years maybe"

"What that's too long"

"How long do you want it to be then"

"Maybe in the next year"

Is he mad the next year, that is way to soon

"Kylian we can't have a baby within the next year"

"Why not?"

"Because I-I I don't want to"

"You don't wanna have a baby or you don't want to have a baby with me"

"I don't want to have a baby"

"Why not?"

"I'm not ready"

"I've seen how you are with kids you are great with them, you'd be a good mother"

"Thanks"

"So can we have a baby?"

I get out of bed and walk to the bathroom to get ready for the day, he follows me and waits for my answer

"Not yet Kylian"

"But the last time we had this conversation you said you were ready"

"Well I changed my mind" I say getting angry that he keeps pressing on about the matter

"What made you change your mind?" He says getting frustrated with me

"Kylian I don't want to have a baby" I say getting louder

"What changed your mind?" he asks sounding even more frustrated

"I realised I wasn't ready to be a mother" I say

"You were ready the last time" he says

"We're going around in circles you realize that right, you keep asking me the Same question and everytime I give you the Same answer"

"Well maybe I wouldn't be asking you the same question if yourself explained properly"

"Kylian it's a new day and we're starting it on a bad note"

"You've been avoiding this topic for months now and everytime I bring it up you come up with an excuse"

"Because I don't want to talk about it"

"Why do you have to be so difficult"

"Kylian I know you keep asking me the same questions because you're not satisfied with my answers"

"Oh wow look at that, see this is why I married you, you know me so well"

"Stop patronizing me"

"What you don't like my responses,see how it feel?"

"You're hurting my feelings Kylian that's not funny"

"You're also hurting my feelings"

"Because I don't want to be pregnant?"

"But you know that for the longest time I've wanted to a father"

"You seem to forget whose body this is, you're telling me what to do with my body?"

"I'm not I'm just suggesting"

"Well I'm not talking your suggestion"

"WHY?"

"Don't shout at me Kylian"

"WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO HAVE A BABY?"

"BECAUSE THE LAST TIME I WAS PREGNANT I HAD A MISCARRIAGE"

"What?"

"There was a time when I found out I was pregnant, and I didn't tell you because it was that time you and Neymar were fighting and the world had seen you as an arrogant person, I didn't want to tell you because you always looked exhausted, and angry about the whole thing I didn't think it was the right time to tell you

Then one day when you were gone for the international break, I was having stomach cramps, and I knew it was bad because I  can't be on my periods and be pregnant, so I went to the doctor and I found out I had lost the baby, and I didn't want to tell you because  you looked much happier and I knew if I told you it would make you sad, I hadn't seen you that happy in a long time, so I decided not to tell you and you were never home so that made it easier to hide my pain and hurt"

"Mais pourquoi"

"Whenever we were together I wanted us to be happy because I knew the moments would be short lived and  you'd have to go back to playing"

I look at him with hurt and he looks at me with shock and hurt

"I'm sorry Kylian, please forgive me"

"I-I-I can't" he whispers

He walks out the bathroom then down the stairs and out the front door

I then cry, cry for my husband, cry for my unborn baby, cry for the life I would have and cry because of everything that has happened

After wiping my tears and fixing myself I continue with my day

But every now and then I think about the events of the morning and Kylian has ben gone for 6 hours now and I've been calling but his phone keeps going to voicemail

After 8 hours of being absent Kylian finally comes back home, I'm sat on the sofa when he walks in

"Hey"

"Hi" he says

He walks to the kitchen and grabs a bottle of water

"Are you ok?"

"Mhm"

"Can we please talk"

"Yeah"

He walks towards me and we sit on the sofa

We sit in silence until I break it

"Kylian I'm sorry, for not telling you about the baby and keeping it a secret from you, but you have to understand that I was doing it to protect you and your happiness"

"I went out to clear my head, and to think about what you told me and I thought about it and at first I was angry and upset at you for not telling me what was going on with you, but then I realized you've suffered so much all on your own and I wasn't there to walk you through it"

"I am your husband and I'm supposed to be there for you, we are supposed to face problems together and that's why I say we are both at fault here, you are at fault because you didn't tell me what was going on with you and I'm also at fault because I wasn't there for you and I didn't give you an environment where you can tell me, I'm sorry"

"I'm sorry as well"

"Do you forgive me" we both say at the same time

"Yeah I forgive you"

"I forgive you aswell"

He pulls me in for a hug and says

"And we don't have to have a baby now, we can wait until your body is ready and until you are ready I won't bring up the baby topic anymore unless you bring it up"

"Ok, thank you Kylian"

"You're welcome amour"

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The Dollhouse 2

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as fear, coercion, violence, noncon/dubcon, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk. 

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you. 

Summary: Five girls move into a shared residence for the upcoming school year but not all is as it seems. 

Characters: Jonathan Pine, Captain Syverson, Steve Abnesti, Lloyd Hansen, and Peter Parker 

This fic features five named readers; Ann, Lulu, Polly, Barbie, and Molly. This chapter features Ann and Lulu. Please note that characters may switch but will maintain second-person POV.

Note: It's thirstday.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. Thanks to everyone who reads this one and thank you for all your energy.<3 

Love you all until you can’t stand it. Take care. 💖 

You’ve been waiting all summer to come back. Campus is like paradise to you. Sure, it’s fun to party but there’s also all the clubs and the general sense of community. You always manage to find your way right into the heart of it all. 

You’re a bit disappointed to not be living on campus itself but you found an alternative not too far away, and in a nice neighbourhood too. Not to mention, your best friend ever, Polly, will be living with you! 

The uber pulls up to the front of the idyllic building and your cheeks bloom with excitement. You spent the extra money to haul all your bags from the station, and it was worth it. You couldn’t have dragged it all that way, even on the bus. 

The driver helps you get everything onto the curb. You thank him and tip him on the app. He looks at you with that fogginess that a lot of guys get. He asks if you need anything else and you assure him you’re just fine. He seems almost reluctant to go. His spindly fingers twiddle at his side as he slinks around the hood. 

You stand with your bags and take out your phone. Polly said she was on her way. You don’t want to go in without her. You send her a message asking how close she is.

“Hey, what’re ya standing in the middle of the sidewalk for, bitch?”  

You wince as you spin to face the grizzly snarl. You harrumph and scowl at Polly as she cackles. It’s funny to think she could do such a scary voice considering she always looks so dainty and perfect. Even then, she wears a blouse and skirt, with a scarf that reminds you of an Audrey classic. Never a stitch out of place with her. 

“You sure are dressed for moving day,” you remark dryly. 

“Mm, don’t talk to me Barbie Doll,” she tosses the derisive nickname at you, “I see you have on the classic Mattel shade today.” 

You pout your pinkened lips at her and roll your eyes, “whatever! Pol! We’re gonna be roommates!” 

You squeal together and she lifts her bag over the lip of the pavement, “hell yeah.” 

You giggle and look up at the house. You went there once before for the walkthrough and it’s even more perfect than you remember. You bend to take your smallest bag and Polly shakes her head. 

“Really? You brought all that? I hope you don’t think I’m gonna be your personal camel and carry it.” 

“Don’t be such a downer,” you stick your tongue out. 

“Excuse me,” a deep timbre rolls over as the front gate squeaks. You and Polly share a startled look then turn to the large blond man as he steps through. That isn’t Jonathan... “Are you girls here for moving day?” 

“Uhhhhh,” you drone out and once more glance at your BFF, “we are.” 

“Oh, let me explain, Jonathan can’t make it. He has an emergency at another property. He left your keys with me to deliver,” he stirs around in the pocket of his blazers as he stands across the pavement. 

He's taller than the building manager you met in July, broader too. He’s bigger in every way and just as blond. He wears a pair of square glasses and only a plain tee under his suit jacket. He fishes out two key rings and shakes them. 

“Here we are,” he grins. He steps forward and offers you one of the fobs. “Front door is a censor. All new system.” He gives Polly the other dongle. “By the way, I’m Steve. I help Jonathan with security. I’ll be popping in for routine measures but I shouldn’t bother you too much.” 

“Oh thanks. I’m Barbie, this is Polly,” you squeeze the fob and smile at the grand facade of the building. “Awesome.” 

Polly toys with her keyring and stays quiet. She’s usually a riot but around men, you’ve noticed she gets a bit shy. You don’t blame her. Steve is a big guy and his gaze doesn’t falter for a single second. 

“Well, that’s great,” you continue, “good to be safe.” 

“Yeah, especially with a house full of girls. You never know,” he says. 

You blink at the subtlety of his suggestion. Obviously, there’s always those who will have the worst intentions but you try not to think of that. Besides, you’ve been around the block and it all looks very ordinary to you. 

“Anyway, let me show you inside. You’ve already got a roommate waiting on your girls,” he announces and claps his hands. “Can I help you with some of this?” 

He nods to your bags and you shimmy as you laugh at yourself, “oh, yeah, aha. I wanted to make sure I had everything.” 

“No problem, think I can handle it,” he bends and picks up your two largest bags. He doesn’t struggle at all. You gather up the three smaller ones and Polly rolls her suitcase with her. 

He stands inside the gate as he waits for you to enter. You lead the way up the walk as Polly clicks behind you. You climb the steps and strut across the porch. 

“Go on in,” Steve calls from behind. 

You do as he says and set your bags to the side of the entryway. You pause to take off your shoes as you see another pair on the mat. A pair of round-toed flats with bows. 

“You two are upstairs,” Steve says, “at the top, rooms at the end of the hall. Do you want me to bring your bags up?” 

“Oh, no, you can leave them at the door,” you face him again. “This is so lovely. Will you let Jonathan know we got here or should I call him?” 

“I can take care of it,” he says. “I’ll be headed to him once the rest of you show up. My partner’s out of town so we’re short right now.” 

“Your partner?” 

“Like I said, security.” 

“Ah, right, ha,” you rock your shoulders and he puts your bags down lightly. 

“Sure you don’t want some help,” he peers upstairs. 

“Really, we’re all good, right Polly?” 

“Mhmm,” she nods and looks past him. 

“Right, I’ll be outside. There's three more coming.” He nods and turns to go. 

You wait until he’s out the door to proceed upstairs. As you do, Polly sighs. 

“He was nice,” you say. 

“I guess,” she agrees dully. 

“He’s just doing his job.” 

“I know, it’s just, boys, guys, or whatever, standing next to you with them is like being invisible sometimes,” she mutters. “Not your fault but... yeah.” 

“Whatever. He’s a bit old for me,” you scoff as you get to the second-floor hall. You forgot how wide it was. Probably a good thing knowing it will be a full house. 

As you come to the end of the hall, a door opens and you see a single eye peer out. You stop short and Polly hits your back. The girl shifts the door and sticks her head out. 

“Uh, hi,” she squeaks, “I’m Lulu.” 

“Hey, uh, we’re... Barbie,” you point to yourself, “and Polly.” 

Polly leans around to wave with her free hands, “hi, Lulu.” 

Lulu lets the door go and steps out, “it’s been so quiet around here. I got here last week. It’s so nice to have people around.” 

“Oh, really?” You wonder. 

“I’m on exchange so... yeah, had to fly in,” she smiles sheepishly. “Anyway, sorry to bug you. Just wanted to say hi.” 

“You’re not bugging us at all! We were just chatting with Steve--” 

“Steve?” She frowns, “oh, the big bald guy? That’s Sy.” 

You frown and look at Polly, “no, Steve. Blond hair. Big.” You make yourself wide as you say the last word. 

“Ohhhh, sorry, I haven’t been out of my room. I’ve been so nervous,” she giggles and it sounds like a tinkling bell. 

“He’s the security guy or something,” Polly says. 

“Right,” Lulu’s lips tremble, “cool. Um, anyway, if you need me to show you around...” 

“Um, sure. We’ll drop out things off then I want to have a look at the kitchen. I was thinking of having some drinks once the rest got here. Maybe we can do a housewarming,” you chirp. 

“Oh, that sounds fun,” Lulu laughs again and it seems to clog her throat. She clears it and blinks, “sorry. Nervous.” 

You smile. You like meeting new people and the most exciting part for you, is all the different personalities coming together. And there’s still three more girls on the way. 

New things are always scary. For you, even the familiar is frightening. Sometimes what you know is the most dangerous. Like the bullies you went to school with for years.

Transferring to a new college is enough stress on its own but moving to a whole new city, that’s another beast on its own. Just like a dragon on its hoard. You clutch your worn novel to your chest as you walk down the street, your bag bouncing on the cracks in the sidewalk. 

You should’ve written this down. You think you’re going in the right direction. After the greyhound, you counter the city transit into the core and from there, you’ve been walking in circles. Finally, you recognise a street name and stop to turn on your data and spend a few MBs on confirming your destination. Just at the end. Phew. 

That gate was in the photos, those hedges too. Wow, it looks so much better IRL. You slow down in disbelief as you stare up at the siding. This can’t be. For the price you’re paying, you have to have taken a wrong turn. 

“Moving in?” A chipper voice asks as a shadow skews over the pavement next to yours. 

You blanch and look over at a boy about your age with reddish brown hair and warm amber eyes. He grins as you lower your chin then turn back to the house, “uh, yeah?” 

“Me too,” he says. “Peter. It’s a pretty cool building, huh? My aunt knows the owner.” 

“Mr. Pine,” you murmur. 

“I call him Jonathan but, yeah,” he chuckles. “You’re a Thrones fan?” 

You furrow your brow and glance over again. Then you check the book in your hand. 

“I’ve only read the books,” you say. 

“Ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.” 

“Molly,” you answer and sniff. You stare up at the house as it sinks in. You’ll be sharing a space with him. Not only him, but four others. 

“Should we go in together?” He offers. 

“Sure, why not,” you clutch your phone against the book and drag your bag forward. “Um, Mr. Pine said we should call--” 

“Yeah, that’s whatever. Like I said, I know him,” he insists as he goes ahead of you and unlatches the gate. “Come on.” 

You come forward as he hitches up his duffle bag. Your suitcase rattles over the threshold as another figure appears from the porch, “Pete, didn’t say you were bringing your girlfriend.” 

A large blond man, built like a warrior in a fantasy novel, descends the steps, “don’t think the roommates will be very happy about that.” “Whatever, Steve. She’s one of them. We just met.” 

“Ah, another one,” the man says, “great, just one more then.” The man digs in his pocket, “Jonathan left the keys.” He takes out two fobs and doles them out between you and Peter, “I’m Steve. Security.” He explains. 

“Oh, uh, nice to meet you,” you eke out. 

“This is Molly,” Peter intones and you give a bashful look. Oops, you forgot that. 

“Right, you two are on the first floor,” Steve says, “you wanna show her around, Pete?” 

Peter clucks, “Peter,” he corrects, “Steven.” 

The large man chortles and nods at you, “let me know if he gives you any trouble. It is my job to deal with the rabble.” 

You smile tightly and Peter waves off the other man, “come on. I’m sure you don’t wanna stand out in the sun with this lump head.” 

You show your teeth apologetically before you follow Peter. He strides down the walk and up the steps. You’re a few feet behind him. 

As you enter the house, you hear voices. They hush and you listen for them as they seem to do the same. Peter stands on the mat as you unlace your sneakers. 

“Hello?” He calls out, “anybody here?” 

There’s some noise before footsteps come from somewhere deep in the house. You look up to the top of the stairs as a figure appears above. The girl bounds down as two others loom behind her. 

“Helloooooo!” She trills, “I’m Barbie!” 

“Barbie,” Peter says, “hey. I love your lipstick.” 

“It’s gloss, actually, honey,” she winks, “you two are moving in? You’re friends too?” 

“Oh, uh no,” you shake your head, “we just...” 

“Good timing,” Peter says, “Peter, Molly.” He points in tandem with his introductions. 

“So cute, Molly, well up there is Polly. That rhymes! Polly and Molly, and that’s Lulu,” she gestures up behind her as the girls wave, “think there’s only one room left.” 

“What are we thinking?” Peter asks. “Party tonight? Ice breakers?” 

“Something like that. Drinks?” Barbie suggests. 

“You’re my kinda girl, Barbs.” 

“Barbie, hon,” she chides with a wag of her finger, “anywho, I’ll let you two get cozy while we wait on the last one.” 

“I hope it’s a dude,” Peter mutters as he turns away.  

You smile at Barbie then follow him. You’re not sure where your room is but he seems to know exactly where he’s going. You wouldn’t mind a door to hide behind. 

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Alright, gonna rattle off some Hazbin Hotel theories just to get them out of my system:

1) The Key that Lilith gave Charlie is the key to the pearly gates, aka a way into heaven. Which is why the cat didn't like Sir Pretentious until he was redeemable and why the key is the symbol used to depict the hotel on both the logo of the show and the logo on the hotel.

2) Lilith didn't just abandon everyone to vacay in heaven. Following my previous theory, she already had the key to heaven (likely given to her by Adam as a 'please come back 🥺🥺🥺' gift). From Charlie's recounting of the story, her mom loves hell and thrives down there so I'm really not buying this whole 'retire in heaven as Adam's rebound' thing. I'm going to say that Lilith infiltrated heaven under the guise of taking back Adam and being 'the good wife' again but she is 100% using her access to heaven to pull strings and get her grand plan going. She may have to keep Lute happy next season to keep her access, but it's not because she's a turncoat, it's because she's got motives.

3) Throwing this out there: I think it has something to do with Eve! I haven't even met Eve yet but I ship Eve and Lilith. Maybe Adam had Eve locked up somewhere and Lilith is trying to free her or, maybe Eve disappeared, hence why Adam wanted a new wife and Lilith is trying to find her or something.

4) Carmilla is Eve. Yeah, so the name Carmilla means 'Garden or Orchid', Carmine means 'Song or Crimson Red', she looks EXACTLY like Lilith except with a different color palette (and she's wearing angel steel ballet shoes and gloves), she styles her hair up to look like horns but she doesn't actually have any of her own, she killed an angel, she knew all about angel weaknesses and how to kill them, she figured out how to reforge angel steel into new weapons, and, most importantly, SHE HAS TWO KIDS THAT SHE IS VERY PROTECTIVE OF.

Now, part of me wants to say that Zestial, the confirmed oldest sinner in Hell, the super powerful demon that rules over the other overlords who cares immensely about Carmilla and vice versa, is actually Cain. Cain, aka Eve's son and the first murderer (and theologically rumored to be Lucifer's child which uhhhhh, the show kinda seems to be hinting at with Lucifer implying that him and Eve had a thing?) So yeah, I like the idea that Carmilla loves her son despite his flaws and is trying to keep him safe in hell (knowing that Abel is completely fine in heaven)

But I also kinda want to say that Odette is Abel and Clara is Cain? Look, Odette is wearing a headband with demon horns sticking out of it. Her horns look fake. Also, come on, Odette and Clara?? As in the lead characters from Swan Lake and the Nutcracker?? I'm not going to get into why renaming Cain after Clara from the NUTCRACKER is hilarious as it's pretty obvious. But renaming Abel after Odette, the princess with wings who literally dies and ends up in heaven at the end of the play, is also pretty obvious ngl. So I do also kinda think that Eve and Abel were chilling in heaven and then either Abel fell or Eve got word about the annual culling of sinners, and the two of them took on fake names and reunited with Cain/Clara. Eve is determined to do whatever it takes to keep her children safe and, while she does not like participating in violence, she will kill to protect her daughters. (And potentially Zestial is Clara's father? As Cain is rumoured to be either Lucifer's child or a demon's child)

EDIT: Okay I literally just realized that in the song "Whatever it Takes" she hugs her daughters and says that she will "be their keeper" which is a play on what Cain said to God after killing Abel. God asked where Abel was and Cain said "I am not my brother's keeper." So Carmilla in that song is vowing to keep her daughters safe by preventing war with heaven and being "their keeper".

5) Adam created all of the Exorcists from his ribs. Adam mentioned that he named Vaggie which either implies that Adam is Vaggie's father or that Adam created the entire Exorcist race. Considering Lilith and Eve were both created from Adam's ribs, all the Exorcists are women, they're called 'sisters', and all of them are bone white with 'angel blood' gold eyes, I think the dude just straight up made them all with his bones! Adam even offered a plate of ribs to Charlie when he was taunting her about killing off her citizens!

Anyway, these are my Hazbin Hotel theories. Let me know what you think!

[helluvapurf]

...so uhhhhh, "Apology Tour" was... *interesting*-

Didn't even seem that long ago since "Full Moon" came out so I didn't expect another ep drop this morning, buuuut welp! Lets discuss:

First off just to smoothen things up a bit, The Positives:

-Animation & visuals were quite pretty, and wasn't expecting the whole "spooky Halloween" aesthetic at Verosika's party (tho that may just be the summer season speaking lol) but hey, I kinda dig it~ 👀

-Verosika in-general, I was super stoked to see more of here! 💜and even with her staying pretty sassy/bitter towards Blitz... its honestly hard not to feel for her once she & him finally had that one-on-one convo (even revealing that she did legit love him... but Blitz simply couldn't stay with her due to his own commitment/intimacy issues ;-; ). And even if it was technically more of a pettiness move to theme her party around hating Blitz... in a way, its lowkey kinda sweet how much she wanted to help others "heal" from heartbreak? Aww... 🥺 Idk, do I still wish Verosika could've been more of the "major" character focus here (as Fizzarolli was in his past couple eps)? Absolutely. But for what its worth... I had fun watching her as I did💗 (& hopefully this won't be the last time Verosika appears story-wise, cause oml imagine the bonding potential of her, Blitz & Fizz as a reunited trio lol)

-That one incubus dude that flirted with Stolas (+kissed him) at the end seemed like a chill dude. Even if he most likely won't appear again, his vibe was fun to watch lol.

-OH, we finally get to see Mrs. Mayberry again, sweet~! :> ...and, she's apparently dating Martha now? Huh, thats... interesting, I guess? .3. (*wonder what happened to her husband/kids tho, 'cause I kiiiinda thought they would've landed in Hell too ngl-*)

...aaaaand okay yeah, that'll cover the Positives I've got atm. Now for The Negatives... ohhhhh boy:

-I... guess I'm not super alone in this opinion rn from what I've read from other fans, buuuuut... Stolas can you shut your entitled-hypocrite-mouth up for five minutes, please?? 🤦‍♀️Like, I know the dude's still reeling from how "Full Moon" ended, so him being in a mixed mood is to be expected tbh... but omllllll the way he was just SO smug, dramatic and pushy about being the "good guy" in how he & Blitz ended (-as if HE wasn't the one who set up their whole "transactional" dynamic since the start of the freakin' show?? =_=), even whining about the events of "Western Energy" (-when all Blitz was doing was prioritizing his daughter's well-being at the hospital, like a good dad should), was just... seriously?? >> Like... yes, Blitz may be a whole mess himself with how he's treated others (esp poor Verosika 💔), but that does NOT make Stolas a saint with how he handled things himself. From hanging the Grimoire over Blitz's head, creeping on him again & again, practically ragdoll-ing the poor guy's feelings during the crystal exchange (not even skipping a bit when Blitz was close to crying), aaaaand not to mention...

...so like, tell me how I'm expected to believe Blitz is the one who needs to do all this apologizing/groveling... WHEN HE DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING TO STOLAS EXCEPT (RIGHTFULLY) CALLING THIS BLUEBLOOD BIRD OUT ON HIS BS?? 😑

*sighs* Sorry, didn't mean to get heated there but... yiiiikes is this show sending so many mixed messages of where I'm supposed to stand with these two, I can't keep up anymore- 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

-As much as I get what the ep was trying to do in having Blitz see past his own ego/apologize to others… Iiiiii'd be lying if I said I didn't feel just a tad bit uncomfortable at the increasing Blitz hate, throughout the party-sequence ^^; Like, I know he's a shitty guy who's done shitty things, and absolutely he needs to recognize how much he's hurt those like Verosika (& his other exes)… buuuuut tying into my previous point, it just rings rather unfair that most of this seems mostly spurned from him rejecting Stolas, of all people? ._. When… again, they were NEVER an actual couple like him & Verosika were, instead were just a simple once-a-month hookup deal that soured 'cause of Stolas' mess of a "confession"… y'all really expect me to believe Blitz is the bad guy for not immediately accepting the "feefee's" of a privileged, horny prince (aka: the one who did hold the Grimoire over his head since S1's "Murder Family")? …Ehhhh, sorry but I am NOT buying that crap lmao -x- 👎

[tizeline]

May I ask, what is Leo and Draxum's relationship like? Is it good? Neutral? Or bad?

Uhhhhh well it's not exactly perfect, but I would say it leans more towards good, Draxum and Leo do both genuinely care for each other. I know that in the most recent comics their relationship appears a bit... strained to say the least. Because it is. BUT you should know that this is the most strained their relationsip has ever been up to this point. The reason for that is that this is the first time Leo has really openly and completely gone against Draxum's orders, Leo has never been as much of a rule-follower as Raph or as dedicated to the cause as Mikey, but he generally tends to go along with whatever his father wants. So Leo actively working against his family is new territory for all of them, that paired with Draxum's stubborness and self-rightousness (which makes him quite bad at being diplomatic in this situation) just causes even more cracks in their relationship.

That being said, things weren't all sunshine and rainbows before this, there has been an underlying tension building between the two of them for years which also acts as fuel to the fire in their most recent disagreement. I've brought it up before (and I'm gonna keep bringing it up whenever it's relevant) but one of the biggest dilemmas Draxum is dealing with is his duties as a father clashing with his duties as the warrior alchemist who has tasked himself with saving all of yōkai-kind. He created the turtles to aid him in that task, because of that he puts a lot of time and effort into finding their unique strengths, their "use" for a lack of a better term, to focus on improving and perfecting. It's similar to in canon, Leo feels insecure about role on the team because he doesn't feel like he has a Specific Thing™ like his brothers do. Only this time, it's kinda reinforced by the way Draxum acts.

And listen, Draxum doesn't actually love any of his sons more or less based on their "use" to the team, he views them as his children first and his soldiers second. But regardless of whatever his internal feelings are, because he's so dedicated to the plan he ends up spending more time with helping Mikey and Raph perfect their specific skillsets while Leo has a tendency to get a little overlooked. So from Leo's point of view, he's convinced he's the least favorite child! Oopsie! So again, like in canon, he acts like a show-off in an effort to get attention and praise, which a lot of the time just ends up backfiring on him cuz it makes him appear impulsive and immature.

This is something that starts off as a relatively small problem that just keeps getting more and more serious the longer it goes unadressed. By the time of season 1 Leo has more or less accidentally cemented himself as the "class-clown" of the family, so when he tries to argue about Draxum's plan neither his dad or his brothers really take him seriously. It's just Leo being Leo again, no biggie, he'll get proven wrong like he always does and they can all have a laugh about it later! But verbally disagreeing with Draxum is one thing, the fact that Leo actually goes and takes direct action against his family in such an extreme way is completely new, and it definitely throws them off. So Leo's hurt that his family refuses to listen to him and his family is hurt because they feel like Leo betrayed them.

So overall... yeah things are pretty dire in the entire Draxum family right now, especially between Leo and Draxum. They ARE gonna reconcile though! Leo's insecure role in the family has been a problem that's been going ignored for years now and the situation boiling over is gonna force everyone to actually adress it. It'll take some time, but Leo and Draxum are gonna talk things out, despite everything they do love each other, they both want to get along, they just need time to figure out how to actually accomplish that lol.

[thee-great-enigma]

not a request but... kaeya in a corset. kae in a nice fancy corset that's all delicate laces and tight silks, flush against his pretty form. I'm DEAD he's so hot auhhhh. that's all I can think about... just thought I'd put that image in ur head ❤️

ps I do a little dance when I see a notif w your username in my activity cuz ur comments n writings r so good auuu hope u have a great day/night💫💫

Oh my gosh tysm. Kaeya is way too damn pretty for his own good I swear. I'd like to thank you for this image, I'll keep it in my Kaeya filing cabinet forever. He's so pretty I can't even 😩 😩 😩 😩 😩 Also, you have no idea how awesome you just made me feel reading this. This is my first ask, plus I really really look up to you because you're writing is so good. Like I've read your mahogany series (mainly the Kaeya one) again and again. You're literally like the best 💙💙💙

Not a request but I'm gonna write for it anyway bc you deserve it ^μ^

Pairing: Kaeya Alberich x male reader

Summery: Kaeya wears a fancy lacey corset and reader gets a little too horny (there will be a part 2 for the smut, I've just gotta work out some stuff)

POV: 2nd person (you, yours, yourself)

Notes: Reader is male and referred to as (?), gonna do a part 2 for this of the actual smut, kind of rushed?

Warnings: •⚠️⚠️⚠️• uhhhhh horniness ×10, pretty Kae, simping behavior, ripped clothing, idk if this counts but corset horniness, male genitalia mentioned a little bit, uh Idrk, if I missed any let me know 😗

Leave the corset on.

You fiddled with one of the calla lilies in the bouquet. He was taking an awfully long time.

See, a few hours ago, you'd decided to actually go to the windblume festival this year with someone you really liked. Kaeya Alberich. You knew he probably had a bunch of people in Monstadt drooling over him, which is why you wanted to ask him as soon as possible. So you'd invited him out to Windrise and told him you needed to tell him something really important. He'd chuckled and given you a knowing look as if he could already guess what you wanted to ask. But you'd rushed off before he could do anything but nod.

"Sorry (?), I got a bit held up with the Acting Grand Master." Said the familiar, silky voice of Monstadt's Cavalry Captain, and Monstadt's most beautiful man. Monstadt's most beautiful man who'd clipped his little longer portion of hair into a high ponytail and combed his bangs back a bit to accentuate his face. His pretty little face. Which currently had a slight bit of shimmering highlighter on his defined cheekbones, a few beads of sweat on his forehead, and bright blue eyeliner forming a small wing at the corner of his narrow, bright eye.

"No troubles. Oh here, this is for you. Sorry I may have picked at the petals a bit." You said with a shy giggle, handing him the small bouquet of calla lilies. As he smiled and grabbed it, you noticed something. A corset. Kaeya already had a slim waist, he didn't need a corset, but he looked so good wearing one. It was navy blue and lacey, satin trim. It hugged his petite figure perfectly and made his chest look delicious delightful.

"—llo? Hello? World to (?). Anybody in there?" You hadn't even heard what Kaeya had said a few seconds prior. The only reason you noticed he was speaking was because he got close to your face and gently grabbed your chin, making you look at his face instead of his perfect little hips that looked like they'd fit wonderfully into the palms of your hands.

"Oh! Oh uh....yeah sorry. Guess I got distracted. What were you saying?" You questioned, giving a nervous chuckle and rubbing the back of your neck, trying to stand in a way that his the growing bulge in your pants. You couldn't fathom how horny you had to be to get hard just seeing Kaeya in a corset. You felt a little ashamed.

"I asked what you wanted to talk about. You didn't bring me here just to give me a bouquet did you? Not that I'd mind, since I got to see you even if for just a fleeting moment." Kaeya gave a sly chuckle, a hint of knowingness behind that fake innocence in his gaze.

He was teasing. And it was working.

"Oh—I uh...I just um..." Fuck fuck fuck. You'd rehearsed this in the mirror, written it down in a notebook a million times like a script, contemplated writing it on your hand, you'd even practiced it while walking to the big tree. So why couldn't you get it out now? "I just w– wanted to know if you'd like um...to go to the Windblume festival with me. I mean, I'd understand if you're already going with someone, or i– if you just didn't want to go or um—" "I'd love to."

It took you a second to register Kaeyas words, standing dumbfounded. "W– What?" "I'd love to go to the Windblume festival with you, (?)." You had to conceal every reaction that threatened to leak out of you right then and there. And that bastard was just smiling innocently, looking all polite and pretty. You played it off with a chuckle, holding both hands in front of the increasingly tightening tent in your pants, trying to hide it. You couldn't get the images out of your head, images of him—

"(?)? You look nervous. Is something wrong?"

"What? Uh n—" You wanted to say no. But something was very much wrong. The problem was that he wasn't sitting naked underneath you with a fucked out expression on his face, your cock buried deep inside him. That's what was wrong. "Actually. Yeah."

"Oh? Well I'd be happy to help with anything."

"Anything?"

"Of course, dear (?)."

"Then sit on that root, take off your clothes and spread your pretty little legs. Oh and uh....leave the corset on."

—————————————‡——————————————

Reader rn. Also thanks @silkval for this amazing idea. Like I truly look up to you man/girl/non-binary pal. I legit like did a happy little yell I'm so glad no body heard me, I sounded like a five year old who just found a bunch of candy

[ask-commander-arild]

Hello commander!! I was wondering, how do you get along with claus? Are you friends or is he only your boss?

... Huh? Oh... Claus? Yeah, I would say we get along pretty well. I'd met him at least a few times while he was still the commander, back everyone just kind of thought he was a robot, but, well... while it is true that he was and is my boss, I think we have this special bond that you can't really find anywhere else.

After everything happened with the needles or whatever, Claus gave a big speech outside the chimera lab, in which he revealed he was now the last person left in command and that he was, in fact, not a robot, but a human boy with a family and a whole life story, and how we're all humans with stories to tell and how we should all work together to tell our own stories and uplift each other for peace or something inspirational like that. It really was a nice speech, and while I was at the lab, I actually just had to watch the broadcast from inside while I was recovering from my... injuries and adjusting to my enhancements, so I wasn't really listening fully.

Anyway, I was just lying there, when I heard the door open and some doctors. They wheeled something in right next to me, said a few words, and then left. I pulled back the privacy curtain to see Claus laying on a table next to me!! Surprisingly, we both recognized each other and we got to talking. Apparently, he was there because a bolt of lightning fried his bionics and he needed repairs. We ended up bonding over a lot of things we had in common. Such as suffering tragedies that ended up getting us separated from our parents and being turned into chimeras for the army. You know, normal stuff.

Uhhhhh... all this to say, I think I'd say we have a pretty good relationship! As said, we have a lot in common, so it's never a dull moment when we're around. Well, when we aren't at work, that is. Even though he may be younger, he can be pretty scary as my boss, haha. But, outside of work stuff, we get along great! Even if he doesn't really appreciate me making fun of him, heheh...

(Art by @pkmoth! Go check them out!!!)

[shitpostingfromthebarricade]

In a World Without Heroes: deleted scene

Author's note: The Saturday morning interview scene between Grantaire and Enjolras in chapter 8 originally started from Grantaire's arrival and was intended to go through the events of the scene that has since replaced it. This scene ended up being replaced partly because the characterizations weren't panning out how I wanted (as you see by the end) and partly because it was dragging the scene/fic. Yes, it was good background for the reader, but ultimately (as Grantaire now comments in the replacement scene) this is the same thing Enjolras would have said in every interview since his release from prison, so it didn't make sense for Grantaire to be acting like he'd never tuned in for any of Best Boy's television interviews.

Anyway, I'm finally sharing it here because it's the backstory behind Mabeuf's Manhattan Autonomous Zone and Enjolras's arrest, and also I've been meaning to for uhhhhh two years. Enjoy.

By the time Grantaire texts that he’s on his way, Enjolras feels very nearly relieved.

He’d spent Friday evening catching up on what little cleaning has been neglected since the last time he had a guest — that is to say, since moving in — specifically in order to sleep in Saturday morning, only to find himself wide awake at 9AM with little to do but anticipate the events of the day.

“Hey,” says Grantaire when Enjolras lets him into the building.  He’s dressed down from how he usually is at the correctional facility but up from what he wears at the Chinese restaurant, which makes Enjolras feel better about his choice in clothes today.

“Do you mind walking?  I’m on the fourth floor.”

There’s hesitation, and Enjolras thinks Grantaire may be about to protest, but when he speaks it’s to say, “Yeah, sure.  I haven’t had a leg day in a while.”

“You work out?” asks Enjolras, surprised.

“Nope.  Lead the way.”

The walk occurs in silence except for their heavy breathing and a quick apology when someone coming down from the third floor brushes past, and then they’re at the door to Enjolras’s flat.

“Make yourself at home,” he says, heading for the kitchen.  “Would you like anything?  Tea?  Water?”

“Seltzer if you’ve got it, water if you don’t.”

Seltzer.  It’s what Grantaire has ordered both times they were out, too, and Enjolras makes a note that he should pick some up beforehand if they do this again.

There’s no reason for them to do this again, of course: with this past week’s interview completed, they’re over halfway finished with the collaborative part of the book, and there will be no reason for them to be spending time with one another anymore.  Even with Enjolras’s resolution not to pursue a relationship with Grantaire, the prospect of their burgeoning friendship coming to a halt with the end of their professional correspondence makes Enjolras’s stomach twist.

He re-enters the living room with two waters, placing one on a coaster in front of Grantaire and sipping the other for something to do.

“Thanks,” says Grantaire belatedly.  His eyes have been wandering around the flat since Enjolras’s return, and Enjolras wonders what he’s looking for.  At last, his attention falls back on Enjolras.  “You’re dressed different.”

Enjolras lets his eyebrows quirk in feigned surprise and glances down at himself as though he hadn’t spent fifteen minutes lingering over the decision that morning.  When he was merely a law student and the point person for a far-left branch of a tutoring group, Enjolras had had a lot more flexibility in what he wore; since his release from prison, however, his wardrobe has become a rotation of the same six white dress shirts, three tones of neutral trousers, and the occasional matching suit jacket.  Even on days when he isn’t working in some capacity or another, Enjolras finds himself dressing as inoffensively as possible in anticipation of someone’s inevitable recognition and the associations to follow.  His attire hadn’t been particularly flamboyant before then, but his use for his green rally shirts and blue cozy clothes has certainly fallen to the wayside since.

Today, after nearly five minutes of deliberation, he had settled on a pair of gray-ish jeans, a pale red undershirt, and a blue fitted shirt he’d nearly forgotten that he owned.  At the last second before he’d gone down to meet Grantaire Enojlras had pulled a white hoodie over, but already he feels himself overheating in the extra layer.

“Yes, well,” he shrugs, realizing that he should sit and taking the armchair on the far side from where Grantaire has seated himself, “I don’t need to leave today, so I can dress down.”

“That’s what it is!  I haven’t seen you in jeans and a shirt without a collar since you got out.”  Grantaire’s eyes suddenly narrow.  “You aren’t wearing a collared shirt under that, are you?”

Despite his discomfort, Enjolras snorts.  “I’m not.”

“I don’t know that I believe you.”

“My deepest condolences.”  His retort is met with crinkling at the corners of Grantaire’s eyes before they divert altogether as his attention turns to his lap.  Enjolras clears his throat.  “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you in purple.  It looks nice.”

Glancing back up, Grantaire’s brows furrow as he looks over his clothes.

“The scarf,” Enjolras clarifies.

The outermost layer of the sheer material is picked up and rubbed under close scrutiny between Grantaire’s fingers.  “I guess?  I thought it was gray when I grabbed it this morning, but in this lighting it looks blue to me.”

The scarf is definitely purple, but it isn’t worth disputing.  “It looks nice,” Enjolras instead repeats.

“Well cree, thanks.”  

Taking a deep breath, Enjolras decides to put an end to the stall tactics.  “The interview, then?  How do you want to do this?”

“Uh.  I was thinking just kinda like at the facility?  You say what you want, and I respond and ask questions as they arise.  Obviously no notetaking or recordings or anything, so it’ll pretty much be like a normal conversation that I know some of the answers to already.”

Nothing about it feels like a normal conversation, but Enjolras braces himself nevertheless.  “Let’s begin, then.”

“You sure?”  There’s a dubious crinkle between Grantaire’s eyebrows.  “We can shoot the shit for a while longer if you want, let you get comfortable and whatnot.”

Resting his hands carefully over his knees, Enjolras arranges his features into a neutral façade.  “I’m sure.”

Grantaire sighs deeply, a hand skating over his scarf and jerking the front back from his hairline as he scratches the back of his head.  “Okay then.  Well, where would you say it all started?”

He’s about to fall back on the polite clarifying tactics he’d been drilled on for televised interviews before when he realizes that he doesn’t have to.  “Where what all started?”  

Apparently Grantaire holds a similar amount of compunction toward his professionalism.  “I dunno, whatever you want.  The rally?  Broletariat?  Activism in general?”

Enjolras has managed to avoid shining a spotlight on his childhood this long, and his parents have made it clear that they have no interest in having their names attached to any of this, but beginning at the rally would feel like starting a sentence in the middle of a phrase.  “Combeferre, Courfeyrac, and I have known each other since we were young,” he says, finally settling for their indoctrination to the betterment of humanity as a promising starting place, “and we all were accepted to and attended Columbia for undergrad and stayed for our graduate degrees.  None of us were from New York City, and while we were studying, we saw a need in the local community for support, and we started up an afterschool tutoring group in conjunction with Barnard College’s urban teaching program.  I believe they’re still running, though I lost touch with them while I was away.”  

“On the road,” nods Grantaire.

“In jail.”  There’s no use dancing around it now: if Enjolras can’t say it in front of Grantaire, who else is there?  

“Right, that too.”  Grantaire’s body is draped over the corner of Enjolras’s couch casually enough, but there’s a stiffness in his posturing and the way he rubs the tip of his thumb back and forth along the side of his index finger that makes Enjolras think he’s uncomfortable.  

“The Broletariat’s inception was nearly accidental,” he continues. “Feuilly worked in the afterschool program at one of the schools we operated out of, and we got to discussing education law one day while he was packing up and I was waiting on a pupil and agreed to continue the conversation as a secondary location at a later date.  It was never official, but it did become regular: once work and classes let out, more and more of us met under the guise of lesson planning or studying or spending time with friends, while under it all we were organizing.”

“Organizing what?”

Enjolras shakes his head.  “At the time, we’d had no way of knowing.  We could feel unrest building toward something, and we made sure that the channels of communication were open and to keep up with the news and share resources and to — to be prepared for any eventualities,” he says.

“Enjolras, I was there.”

“It occurs to me that announcing our weapons stores to the general public may not go over well.”

“Good thing you’re not announcing it to the general public, then.”

Enjolras sighs.  “We were ready for anything, and one day, ‘anything’ finally had a name: Jean-Charles Mabeuf.

“Before his arrest, Mabeuf had been a churchwarden at a local church, a respected member of his community.  His friends said he had an expansive collection of books and was trying to grow indigo to start a small business.”

“Does indigo grow well in New York City?”  This time, it seems like a question Grantaire genuinely doesn’t know the answer to.

“Evidently not.  At the time of his arrest, he was several months behind on rent, had nothing in his fridge, and his famous book collection had dwindled to hardly anything: he was destitute.”

“Tough break.”

Enjolras shoots a sharp look at Grantaire.  “Do you remember what happened to him?”

“The prison left him to die of treatable causes, what more is there to know?”

“His landlord took him to court for the missing rent; Mabeuf had already fallen ill and couldn’t make it, and the judge issued a bench warrant.  He was arrested for being sick and poor.”

“Well, I’m seeing why I would selectively have culled that bit if I heard it.”

Enjolras feels his nostrils flare at the flippancy, but a small part of his mind reminds him that the Grantaire in front of him is not the Grantaire who drank his way through the entire rebellion and every strategy meeting leading up to it.  “I would be surprised if you hadn’t: his arrest hardly made the news.  I’m told that his church was in the process of arranging some care package or another for him, but that most likely would have been the end of it if not for the pneumonia.”

Now comes the part that the news and everyone knows: all of the symptoms were recorded upon his intake, but no action was taken to treat him.  Mabeuf remained in jail as he waited for his new court date, complaining every day of chest pains and requesting to be moved to the med pod.  He was never moved, and on 1 June, at eighty years old, Jean-Charles François Mabeuf was found dead in his cell.

“With the release of the coroner’s report, his church community took to the web for Justice for Mabeuf.  The movement against the privatized prison system had already existed and was merely on the backburners, and it seemed like the time for change had finally come.”

“Okay, so wait,” Grantaire interrupts.  “I was a bit hazy on the details at the time, but I mostly chalked that up to a whole slew of substances combined with a complete and manufactured sense of total apathy; as it would turn out, I am still just as confused.”

Enjolras leans back expectantly in his seat.  “About?”  

“A couple of points, honestly, but mostly what an armed splinter from a tutoring club expected to happen.”

A fair question.  “I was supposed to go into education law.”

Grantaire blinks.  “Okay?”

“There’s no special concentration in legal programs to choose one’s specialization: you take the relevant courses offered, intern with firms that handle the sorts of cases you’re interested in, and once you pass the bar, pursue that area.”

“Got it.”

“Once you start looking into the way the United States education system is set up, it becomes immediately evident how inextricably linked all of these pieces are: children are born in low-income communities.  Low income means that the property taxes that fund the schools amount to less, leading to fewer resources and higher drop-out rates.  The wages in positions for unskilled labor aren’t enough to live on, so people either pick up more and more jobs until they’ve worked themselves to the bone and, quite often, to the point of their bodies breaking down, at which point the failings of the health system become painfully apparent; are turned out onto the streets, which exposes the failings of our government’s housing system and its rotting capitalist firmament; or turn to more lucrative but less legal job opportunities.  

“Two of these are arrestable offenses disproportionately targeted communities of color, and the third skips past those steps directly to killing the dime-a-dozen wage slave.”

Grantaire stares at the coffee table in silence for long enough that Enjolras begins to suspect that he may not have been paying any attention at all before his brows finally furrow and he looks back up at Enjolras.  “So what were you expecting to happen?”

He sighs.  “I couldn’t rightly say what we expected to happen, but the goal was to draw national attention to any one of these points.  If something gave, we thought that the whole system might crash down around it.  Exposing the for-profit prison industrial complex as the corrupt, predatory, outdated, inherently racist system it is … it felt self-evident.  The whole system is broken, let’s build a new one together that serves all of its citizens equally and doesn’t feature intentional loopholes for legalized slavery.”

Grantaire is quiet for a long time before he finally asks, almost too quietly for Enjolras to hear, “When did you realize it wasn’t going to work?”

‘When’ indeed.  Enjolras makes no motion to answer.  When had he known?  Has he ever known?  Perhaps he still doesn’t.  “It still might,” is what he finally says.  “We haven’t failed yet.”

Grantaire looks affronted.  “You almost died, Enjolras.”

“I didn’t."

[poulpemou]

Happy Valentine's Day! It's the perfect day to proselytise aroace Kiran from Fire Emblem Heroes!

As the "protagonist" of a gacha game, AKA a soft harem game, it only makes sense for the self-insert character to be aroace! Got folks of all genders throwing themselves at you for no understandable reason? Got people taking your lack of interest as a personal challenge? Why, that sounds like the perfect setting for a character to realise and/or profess their aroace-ness!

Here are some satisfied testimonies from our existing representatives!

"Wow I had no idea Fjorm felt this way? Why? Since when? I thought she and Laegjarn were dating?"

"Uhhhhh Gunnthrá said what?????????"

"Do people know I have a job and responsibilities? I have a lot going on, I don't have time for this kind of stuff, do people realize we're at war like 24/7 and I'm literally the only person keeping this place from falling apart and—"

"How come it's always the girls confessing their love to me but not the guys? I mean I'm not into dudes but that doesn't mean I can't be. Actually, who says I'm not? Oriented aroaces exist and—"

"Hey Alfonse. Bro. Are we or aren't we partners. Are we or aren't we the perfect unit if we could be combined into one. Have you ever heard of Steven Universe by the way? Or of this thing called QPR?"

"How come Plumeria is always shit-talking me about lewdness when I literally didn't do anything? Like ok yeah I poked her, but I literally poke everyone? Also what's up with my dreams? Has she heard of this thing called intrusive sexuality that literally doesn't mean anything—"

"Hey, so, I don't know how to say this, Seiðr, but I don't want a baby and I also don't want to be a deadbeat parent, and also Gullveig and Kvasir keep saying things about feelings but I have no idea where that's coming from. Don't even get me started on Heiðr."

"Why are girls weird around me? Am I actually just a cat and never noticed? Is that why they keep petting me and cooing at me? I was just a cat this whole time and no one had the heart to tell me I'm not human?"

"You love me? Aw, thanks, I love you too! I love all of my friends!"

"What is love? Baby don't hurt me. Oh wait this song doesn't exist in Askr..."

"What do you mean they think I'm flirting!!!!!!!! What the heck is a flirting!!!!!! I'm literally just being a good friend what!!!!!!!!"

"I love Day of Devotion! It's a day where you're devoted to your loved ones! Yeah of course all my friends are my loved ones, what do you mean?"

"So when two people like each other very much, they perform this ceremony called ally-supporting, and for some reason people blush when they reach A-tier. I think it's because it's a very important milestone that happens to take place in what looks like a church, and they're afraid to look like they don't belong in a church. Something about Askran churches must seem very intimidating."

"Oh wow you have feelings for me for real? I thought people were just saying that for the bit."

"Oh wow you have feelings for me for real? Can you describe what what's like? I've never understood it and people take it really badly when I ask."

"So back in my world, we have this event called Asexuality Awareness Week taking place during the Harvest Festival, and this other event called Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week that takes place a week after the Day of Devotion."

"Hey does garlic bread exist here? Anyone got any cake?"

"I don't know any of these people. They keep wanting to talk to me and be friends. Well ok. I don't get it but I guess it's my job to ensure troupe morale. I thought that would be Sharena's job but I haven't seen her in forever. Sacrifices for the cause, I guess."

"What do you mean they think I'm flirting!!!!!!!! What the heck is a flirting!!!!!! I'm literally just being polite what!!!!!!!!"

Join today and headcanon your summoner as aroace! Add a layer of complexity to a silent character and off-the-rails writing! You may be entitled to emotional compensation!

[chairhahaha]

this wld only make sense if u understand what the nmnl nmnl fic on ao3 is about uhm also yttd spoilers under cut (this may have awful mischaracterisation)

hear me out these 2 as es and enyu but i only have a good reason for es/kanna

so if u squint really hard enough mahiru is like an older sister figure to es, and in the fic mahiru is dead because es couldn’t do anything(??). Kugie (kanna’s older sister) also was killed because Kanna didn’t know how to save her. omg?!?? (kanna gets blamed for her sisters death too, js like es!!!!!!!! Lmaoo!!!!!!)

Kanna was also took advantage of by sou for his own benefit(???? it’s more so that sara wouldn’t take advantage of kanna instead) but in the end sou still genuinely cared for kanna’s feelings, and changed that one phone message to something nicer so that kanna wouldn’t start crying and grieving. uhm i dont rlly get fhis part either ignore this

its more like how enyu discarded es’ true feelings and pushed the prisoners away in the earlier chapters. but ykyk enyu cares enough that yk. the self hugs, the imitating shidou bit(??), forcing es to eat and take care of themselves. uhhhhh yeah defo ignore this part

this is stupid but es is known as the emotional one (according to enyu in one of the chapters☠️☠️), kanna route in yttd is called “emotion route”. same with enyu/sou and “logic”

during chapter 2 Main Game, Kanna tries sacrificing herself because she thinks that she “gets in everyone’s way, would be better off dead” and bc she wants to meet her sister again. Sou begs Kanna to stop this and tries sacrificing himself idfk. i just thought this reminded me of chapter 8 when Es tried stabbing themselves and Enyu kept trying to take control and make Es stop. uhm.

personally i don’t think i have anything to say ab enyu/sou. this what i mean by i had more reasons for es/kanna.

also i saw someone said es could be sara bc protags. that’s nice.

[starlightshore]

explain Danny phantom to someone who’s never seen it before?

uhhhhh so i can only talk about it as the most insane kinda fandom person because

i was obsessed with this show when it first aired when I was 8 years old. it was my first fandom. i read fanfic for it before i even knew what fanfic was. its HEAVILY tied to my nostalgia and I've been engaging with the fandom on/off for literally 19 years. at this point DP is in my DNA.

while it's not my main hyperfixation (thats undertale) its the one tag i visit regularly and the one fandom I'll jump to every few months and binge fics for. i don't even read UT fics anymore but the DP fandom is always doing something. its very active!

under the cut I talk about my thoughts on the show, the fandom and explain the premise. It's a wild ride.

TLDR; i have a lot of THOUGHTS on this show and i do not actually recommend it. MAYBE if you're curious explore the fandom and some fics but be careful about it, it's a bit gratuitous with its angst.

If you want a basic premise: local 14 year old accidentally lets loose hell but also has become part ghost. This kid can fit SO much trauma in him.

first off: I fucking love Danny Phantom.

And I'm going to spend the next two segments complaining about it. Feel free to skip if you're already aware of this /or don't wanna linger on it.

Second off: This show fucking sucks*

* Ok fine yes sometimes it can be good, but it will always have an asterisk next to it.

it has NOT aged well. it was created by an asshole who's got a long shitlist of things he's done and still does that's all terrible. i am not one to hate someone publicly unless its for something like this. Feel free to google what Bitch Fartman has done if you're curious but I'll warn you: he is a horrible person and he disgusts me. I only acknowlege him when its to mention how awful he is and how I do not want to support him.

This is not like with FNAF where supporting that franchise supports Scott. Danny Phantom first aired 19 years ago. The show was written, directed, and sure as hell animated by a team of professionals. It is not his sole creation. Studio Animation is not the sole work of an individual. I respect (most) animators and the hard work they've done and do. IIRC Shitfartman doesn't even have the rights to the IP anymore. I assume he gets residuals though. That said the only canonical piece of media we've gotten is a graphic novel that was released last month. Up until then, supporting DP was just not literally a thing you could do!

Its not just the creator who sucks. There's a lot of BS in the show too.

the show is very early 2000s (and even then thats no excuse) and it has a bingo card worth of shit in it. racism, bigotry, ableism! you name it. I do not condone and i do NOT recommend this show because of this! its horrible with what they did with this show and its shocking it was acceptable enough to put on TV. you literally can't do shit like that anymore.

I'm not going to go list every detail of every horrible, fucked up thing the show has done. The list is too long and I haven't watched the actual show in a few years now. by god, I know there is a list out there though.

Anyway outside of my obligatory "fuck this show actually" rant aside

i do love this show because it DOES have a lot of good and cool stuff outside that. but also. its so much wasted potential.

the core premise is:

Hey what if a pair of paranormal obsessed mad scientist parents punched a hole into the after life hell dimension- and what if their son was basically spiderman-ed about it?

And here's the core part of the premise: Danny only keeps his identity a secret to the humans. Ghosts learn like, pretty much straight away that he's a Halfa (half human, half ghost). He's if spiderman's worst fear wasn't the villains but if like. Aunt May was going to rip him apart.

Oh yeah that's. a thing. Danny's parents literally want to rip his ghost identity apart from, and I quote, "molecule to molecule."

For a an comedy-action show its WEIRDLY morbid and dark at times but then has the tonal whiplash to make you question what the fuck did they just do. How'd they do that and then not care they just wrote that in. Seriously. It'll just lore drop or hint to dark things and then brush it aside because it's main focus is comedy.

Anyway back to explaing what the show even is about. the show likes to say Danny got his DNA merged with ectoplasm but that's stupid af i'd rather say he died but only stayed half dead. He can transform between the two states: living and dead. But he's not just two halves that make a whole -the two sides blend together. He can use his ghost powers as a human -and early on he couldn't control them so he'd just. go intangible or invisible at the worst moments.

The show just. jumps right in. You don't get to see the accident outside the intro (at least until season 2 when they retcon some stuff) you just have it thrown into your lap. He has powers now. He sucks at it. Deal with it.

I think it's important to acknowledge that this show was written before Netflix did streaming. Before Plot heavy cartoons were a thing. (Not to say they didn't have reoccuring plot, it justw asn't the same thing as it is now.) You had to write the show with the limits of:

Comedy being a major focus

You have to write it with the expectation that anyone could jump in and (reasonably) understand most things going on. While there's some continuity and plot progression, the status quo is god.

because streaming wasn't a thing yet, you could only watch the show by jumping into whatever the fuck episode was playing. I doubt it played in order all the time. You just couldn't make a cartoon that had weeks upon weeks of plot developments and expect people to keep up.

The show is, in fact, meant for kids. While it does dive into some darker stuff (being ya know, a ghost show) its still going to be overly silly.

So while YEAH i'll complain about the very very shitty things the show did but I can't soley blame Fuckhateshitman for all of it. It's the restrictions it was made under + likely a lot more circumstances I don't understand. I am a hobbiest animator. I have no real world experience in the animation industry. I can critique the final product but I can never understand what shaped the cartoon. If shitheadmcgee wasn't involved and the studio gave the show more room + had you know, more POC and women on team + animation (even for kids) was respected more then who KNOWS what the show could of been! But like. its a 2000s show. It is what it is. I think the show has its good and bad and i'll harp a lot on the bad rn because I think its important to acknowledge especially to new people, but I do want to frame it by saying it really is the product of its time.

I want it to be better and I hope if it gets rebooted its better. We expect a lot more from cartoons now then we did then. (I know this was a long tangent + kinda over simplifying things but whatever, moving on.)

The (Ph)Fandom

19 years later and here we are. Enter the Phandom (called that before that phill and whoever used the term, idc i'm still going to use the term.) We, the fandom, almost completely just retconned the show's finale. (obviously SOME people still like it but its like. an incredibly small percentage) Like. we straight up pretend it didn't happen. i don't even want to get into it rn. It was SO BAD that the graphic novel that just released literally (spoilers) retconned everything about it aside from a ship pairing.

Anyway the Phandom- personally I think it goes a little TOO harsh in its angst. LIke, maybe a bit too much. But it DOES add nuance and explores the themes and lore that the show just flat out refused to engage with at all. It really digs into the premise of "hey wtf this 14 year is half dead. hello? hello??? thats fucked up.... lets explore that." and i'm here for it.

As long as its not like, masochistic and gratuitous for no real reason. 😬That is my biggest complaint with the fandom is that sometimes it goes over board.

But yeah outside of that, it can also be VERY silly so expect tonal whiplash here too! We got memes. We got fandom holidays and events. Whacky stuff.

OH AND OCs. We have fandom OCs like Wes. The best nonexistant character ever. Love that lil weirdo <3. His whole schtick was "What if Danny had another human villain? What if this random background classmate knew his secret and was trying to expose it?" and its spiraled from there. No one ever believes Wes and he's tortured by it. Some make him out to be a conspiracy nut while others make him more of a threat. (or a joke, as I do) Considering this show has a ghost-version of the Men in Black (Guys in White) conspiracy actually lines up accurately for what Wes does. And, you know. The Fenton's have a portal to the afterlife in their basement. Honestly pretty reasonable.

so like the fandom just kinda... picks and chooses the canon. It does have an edge of "we can do better" but in fairness, as I just discussed, there's an awareness that the version we make is not restricted by the environment the show was made under. I would hope most of the fandom understands this and doesn't say it in the sense of like "oh yeah I know better than professional writers and artists fuck the show 1000%" instead of acknowledging Yes He Fucking Sucks but its also more complicated. I don't want to foster an environment of superiority and disrespect to any media/creators (with exceptions ofc) cause. Jesus christ we live on the internet in 2023 you have to know why I feel this way by now.

Anyway with that in mind, I do think it's a positive thing! I mean, fuck, the show had no new content for almost 20 years I think its obvious by now we'd just make our own doll house out of it by now.

So yeah the Phandom is like this:

We're oddly consistent with the phandom lore we've built around from the canon's lore. We expand it, we make it more queer, we do our own thing. And I really enjoy it! I partake in it! It's pretty cool.

So while there's some merit to the OG show I would not recommend it on account of the amount of BS I mentioned at the start of the post. But I would recommend the fandom! As long as you got a strong black list with trigger warnings in place. Again, I think the fandom is a lil too gratuitous. But oh my god I love so much of what the fandom does. There's so many fics that just stick with me and (ha) haunt me. There's a reason I still come back after all these years. there are SO many good fics.

also the fandom got adopted by the DC fandom a year or two ago. personally i have to have like 80 tags blocked so i can even navigate the tag. Its not my thing but i'm happy people are having fun!!

[rainbow-beanie]

Puss in boots incorrect quotes, featuring team friendship

Purrito: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Puss, used to Purrito’s antics at this point: Sure...

Purrito: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Puss: Okay?

Purrito: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Puss:

Purrito: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Puss: Jesus, that one is a little-

Kitty, interested: No, no, Purrito, keep going.

—————————————————————————

Puss: The first time I ever got upset in front of Kitty, she put her arms around me and it was so awkward that I had to ask her if she was hugging me or reaching for something on the shelf behind me.

Kitty: I was doing both, for your information.

Purrito: The first time Kitty hugged me, it was such a disaster we didn’t make eye contact for, like, a week after.

—————————————————

In the middle of planning a heist:

Kitty: You've been given a new job to do, but I'm worried it might make you upset.

Purrito: Just say it quick, like ripping off a band-aid.

Kitty: You have to teach Puss how to drive.

Purrito: ...put the band-aid back on.

———————————————————

Kitty: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat!

Puss: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Purrito, go find out if that thing can catch fire!

Kitty: You're a bad influence.

Puss: And you don't know your sayings.

————————————————————

Kitty to Purrito: First rule of battle, little one... don’t ever let them know where you are.

Puss, shooting out of frame: WHOO-HOO! I’M RIGHT HERE! I’M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O’ ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo!

Kitty:

Kitty: okay, new rule, don’t do anything puss would do.

————————————————————————————

Purrito: Do you think different paints have different tastes?

Puss: They do.

Kitty: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?

—————————————————————————

Kitty: But what about Purrito?

Puss: Don't worry about him.

Kitty: I once watched him fall down five flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating his hotdog like nothing happened.

————————————————

Puss: *sneaking in through the window*

Kitty: *turning in her chair and flicking the light on* You want to tell me where you've been all night?

Puss, nervous: uhhhhh, I was with Purrito?

Purrito: *turning in his chair* Wanna try again?

———————————————————————

Purrito: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Puss?

Puss: No.

Kitty: I do!

Purrito: I know, Kitty.

Kitty: I’m sad.

Purrito: I know, Kitty.

———————————

Purrito: Hold on! I’m having one of those things... a headache with pictures.

Puss: What the fuck?

Kitty: They’re having an idea.

——————————————

Puss: So, Purrito is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.

Kitty: Why?

Puss: Because I've caught him trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.

Purrito, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.

——————————————

*Puss rushes by with an armful of water bottles*

Purrito: What's going on?

Kitty: Puss wouldn't drink water.

Purrito: ...And?

Kitty: And I asked him how fast he could chug an entire bottle.

Puss, loudly: SIXTEEN OUNCES IN TEN SECONDS, BITCHES!

——————————————

Kitty: I apologize for saying 'fuck' in front of Purrito.

Puss: You just said it again.

Purrito:

Kitty: I am not a role model.

——————————————

Puss: Where are my fucking boots?

Kitty: Puss, purrito is around, can you say it a little nicer?

Puss, though clenched teeth: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING BOOTS!?

———————————————

Puss & Kitty: Surprise! We're having a baby!

Purrito: What?!

Puss & Kitty: *pulls out adoption papers* It's you!

———————————————

Purrito: You don't think I can fight because of my gender!

Kitty: I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Puss can fight in that dress either.

Puss: Perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride.

——————————————

Purrito: I have a bad feeling about this...

Puss: What do you mean?

Purrito: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?

Puss: No?

Kitty: That actually explains so much.

———————————————————

Puss: The results are in, I’m afraid you have updog…

Purrito: What’s updog?

Puss: Kitty! Get in here, I told you I could do it!

————————————————

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: Trolls

So uhhhhh this movie. Kind of took me by surprise??? I went in expecting to hate this, thinking it would be annoyingly loud and bright and simple. What I got... wasn't quite what I thought it would be. Let's get into it.

The Trolls are a fun-loving, happy-go-lucky race of singing and dancing creatures, though they're constantly at ends with the miserable Bergens who want to eat them to get a taste of happiness. After escaping from the Bergens 20 years ago, the Trolls are thriving, until they're discovered by the ousted Bergen Chef, who captures a handful of Princess Poppy's friends, so she sets out with the perpetually grumpy Branch to rescue them. Along the way, they discover there may be a way to bring happiness to the Bergens and save their fellow Trolls alike.

So yeah, a very fantastical, fairy-taleish plot, one that took a few actually interesting, unexpected twists and turns. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a very complicated film, it wears its message of "Happiness is inside you" on its sleeve shamelessly. And yet... I don't know how, but it managed to... genuinely engage me?

Yeah, seriously. I actually kind of liked this? I don't know if it was because the emotions actually managed to hit or if I found the Bergens to be compelling antagonists/anti-heroes or if I started to really enjoy the dynamic between Poppy and Branch or what but like... fuck. Trolls is actually kind of ok? I feel like I'm going crazy just saying that. Like LOOK at that image up there and tell me that's the kind of movie anyone over the age of 6 would enjoy. And yet... I sort of did?

The movie, however, is certainly not without its faults. Its a jukebox musical and that's really not my cup of tea. The pop songs they picked for this are... tolerable, I guess, but hearing a lot of them kind of abruptly pulled me out of the plot so damn fast. Like I said, this is also a very simple movie, one with simple humor (save for a few insane adult jokes I couldn't believe they managed to sneak in there), and simple characters.

Poppy is... ok. She's kind of a bit too perpetually upbeat and cheery for me and yet she's not too over the top like I'd feared she'd be. By contrast, I really liked Branch! He's the straight man to literally all of the other Trolls around him and his dry sarcasm brought a lot of texture to what would have otherwise been a zany, goofy cast. The Bergens do much of the same, from the conflicted King Gristle, to the lovestruck scullery maid Bridget, to our villain, the insane, girlboss Chef, who just stole the show whenever she was on screen.

The visuals in this are also really nice? Like yes, its agressively bright and colorful but it works, I think? Like everything in this world feels like its made out of felt and fabric, very soft and fuzzy to the point that you can practically feel it. The designs for some of these creatures and backgrounds is actually really pretty in their own unique way? Of course, this is coming from someone who likes a lot of color anyway. If you like something a little more grounded visually, this probably isn't the movie for you.

So yeah, Trolls was... ok. Again, I'm fucking shocked, because I'd always been lead to believe this was Dreamworks in their peak cynical cashgrab era but... there's something to this movie that I didn't expect would be there. It's not fantastic by any means, but it has... some substance. And based on what I knew about this film going in, that's certainly more than I was expecting.

Overall Rating: 6/10

Verdict: SINGING KILLED YOUR GRANDMA

Previous Review (Kung Fu Panda 3)

Next Review (The Boss Baby)