#OH I LOVE MYSELF A FOUND FAMILY TO ACTUAL FAMILY ARC

[maniacace]

HUNTER NOCEDA. HUNTER NOCEDA. HUNTER NOCEDA.

[queenofapeacefuldawn]

SxF Crack Theory: The Identity Of [REDACTED]'s Father

Hear me out here.... but, maybe, Twilight's father could be Yuri's boss, aka, the SSS Lieutenant.

Now, this might be a crack/joke theory, but here is the evidence I have to back up my claim (yes, I'm presenting it because I'm just Like That):

(Warning: Manga spoilers ahead)

Exhibit A: Physical Characteristics

Here is a picture of Agent Twilight:

Here is a picture of Yuri's boss (who, from now in, will be referred to as YB, for my own convenience):

We can see that Twilight and YB have very similar facial characteristics: bluish-grey eyes, blond hair, and a similar face shape (nose, jaw).

We never see Twilight's father's full face: only the lower half, because he has presumably forgotten his face, along with his mother's (King of Emotional Repression™️), but we can see that his jawline and shape of his mouth are very similar to Adult Twilight.

Oh, and look at that- rather pronounced cheekbones, if I do say so myself. Where else did I see those? Hmmm

Exhibit B: Ambiguous Fate

During the War Arc, we're never told about [REDACTED]'s father's fate. We just know he never returns to his family: and the reason why he left for the very last time, was that, "Things have been heating up at the border. I need to take a little business trip." The fact that his, a (presumably) rather important man's, body was never recovered: nor were [REDACTED] or his mother informed of his death. Of course, his body could have been lost in the bombings, or the part of [REDACTED] finding out about his father's dead could have been omitted, but for most of the part, we're left to assume about his father's dead. And... this sounds familiar to another instance...

Like the instance of [REDACTED]'s friends. He (and we) assumed they'd died in the warehouse as children, but later we see that they're alive and in the army (only to die a second time, RIP), but this time, for their deaths to be confirmed: for [REDACTED] to only receive their dog tags after the failed campaign.

This may have been a setup: for Endo to reintroduce [REDACTED]'s father, later in the story, as YB.

Anyway, one thing I've learned after reading and watching so many books, comics, and TV shows: never assume a person's dead, not unless their body/proof of their death has been explicitly shown. This belief was only reinforced after [REDACTED]'s friends.

And, [REDACTED]'s father's last known place was around the Westalian-Ostanian border. He could have escaped in the crossfire, theoretically...

Exhibit C: Fatherly Nature (?)

We all love a good found-family dynamic in the workplace. It's there with WISE, it's there with Garden, and it's kinda there with the SSS.

My main argument about this stems from the chapter which focuses on Yuri's work.

We see YB continuously worry about Yuri's physical health, in panels like:

Obviously, this doesn't happen only in this chapter. Whenever Yuri's there, YB is also there, yelling at him to a) go to sleep, or b) STOP GETTING HIT BY BUSSES OH MY FUCKING GOD IT CAN'T HAPPEN SO MANY TIMES TO ONE PERSON-

And, of course, there's the Yuri Sick Fic chapter:

Not gonna lie, this point is extremely weak, if I brought this up in court I'd be laughed out of there-

Anyway, I just wanted to put this in.

If it does turn out that YB is [REDACTED]'s father then. Bestie. Buddy. How are you managing to be a better father-figure to some insolent kid who gets hit by busses than you were to your actual son, like 20 years ago. Maybe he learned along the way.

Exhibit D: Symbolism (???)

Oh, look, another point I'm pulling out of my ass! But whatever, you're reading it <3

During the War Arc, we see Twilight sustain two major injuries:

One, as a child, when his home is bombed:

And two, as an adult, in the army:

and these injuries are both to his left eye.

Of course, this has given rise to theories of him not being able to see his left eye, it being his blind spot, and Yor guarding his blind spot on missions, etc., etc., which I love bc ✨Twiyor✨

Getting back on point, if we look at YB, we see that he has injuries too... or rather, remnants of them, what with the scars he has...

which, are also on his left eye. Huh! Interesting... this might just be me, but could this be parallels to how similar he and his father were? Are? His father also wanted peace between Ostania and Westalis: but he taught his child that in a very harsh manner (by slapping him), but Twilight wants to teach Anya that in a kind manner. Whenever we see him teaching her, he never loses his cool with her (of course, he loses a lot of hope, but this man's a pessimist, what can we do).

Also shows how much kinder Twilight is, compared to his father.

---

Of course, these points are very weak, and it might just be that Endo reused some character designs for efficiency, but let me be, ok!! This is a crack theory!!! Let me be a clown!!!! AKDFJSJF

If I'm being honest, this post was inspired by a convo I'd had with my friend, around the time Chapter 86 was released. She was theorizing that [REDACTED]'s dad is the Shopkeeper, and I was theorizing it was this dude. Of course, our theorizing was sidetracked by Chapter 86, and a certain panel within it, but... WHATEVER.

So, what are your thoughts? Obviously, my own theory is very weak (for example, why would the SSS accept a Westalian citizen into their ranks? Why would he even join the SSS? Could he have defected? Abandoned his wife and kid?), but this was fun to think about, lol. What are your theories? I think the Shopkeeper-is-the-dad theory and the YB-is-his-dad theory are both cool, so, what do you think?

(Also, yeah, I know, his dad could very well be dead. I just refuse to believe it, bc I'm just Like That <3)

[shakespearean-dream]

i would adore ur ted ideas he is so interesting 2 me!!!!!!

ask and you shall receive!!!!

ted. teddigan. theodoreigan my boy. i have so many mixed feelings about u💔

this drawing was a pain in the ASS to make for some reason?? my first go at him was way too close to canon for my liking so i threw myself out there n got to a place i liked thankfully, plus halfway through i forgot how to draw hands and almost cried (joking) cause i thought i had them down at this point!!!!— but trust me, even if you have 9 years of art experience (like me unfortunately. someone take me out i’ve had a good life) ur gonna forget the basics sometimes. warm yourself up and try again cause i did and i eventually remembered 😭😭😭

doing these character studies and drawings have seriously improved my way and process of drawing faces which is so nice 🥲 i think i just need to start looking at the bigger picture again so i don’t forget how to draw everything else. like hands. or full bodies. foreshadowing ;)

i wanted my ted to look just a wee bit unsettling because my general consensus of him is that he is totally fucked in the head, lmfao. born a nepotism baby who ended up scamming people more for fun than for actual cash, horribly sexist but dependent on women to validate him, paranoid as all get out, selfish and self centered as all get out, just his canon personality’s all in one and turned up a notch. ���

i don’t think he’s totally beyond redemption, especially because he’s been cooped up with ellen, who is a highly decorated in the engineering field black woman, benny who’s gay and gorr “FREEDOM FIGHTIN’ LIBERAL🇺🇸🦅🦅🔥🔥” ister for 109 years. in that time he’s definitely slipped up and they’ve definitely corrected him (along with nimdok too LOL). i think with some intensive therapy, a shower and a trip to the tolerance museum (south park reference) he’ll be a little better.

i’m a mild ted/AM shipper (as seen in the bottom right hand corner) but more in the “ooohehheh they’re flirting!!… oh no. oh this is not going to end well. this is definitely a toxic relationship” way and less the “awh cute maybe they can have mutual redemption arcs!!!” way because i love seeing gay men suffer romantically (don’t cancel me i am a bisexual man suffering romantically i swear😭)

i’m not too partial to any other ships honestly, ted/ellen makes me nauseous (just cause of the way ted talks about/treats her in the franchise, no hate to my tellen shippers i promise) and i can only see gorrister with his wife 🥲 with benny and nimdok i have no clue if either of them rlly have romantic interests but im not a fan of them with anybody so erm… i do love the whole groups found family vibes though :”””] they’re all cute together and the mutual suffering but all the while growth is comforting to me

i think that’s about all my thoughts!!! another thank you for the support on this blog recently i love yall sm. i’ll eventually post on my transformers blog but i am STILL SCARED because robots are hard to draw. stay tuned for it though. 💀

thank you for reading if you did!!! let me know which of the guys yall want me to do next; benny, AM and nimdok are left on the chopping block. ❤️

[redrobin-detective]

I don't know if this is an unpopular opinion but I overall didn't care for TUA s2 and absolutely love s3. I appreciate what s2 was doing narratively and that it laid the foundations for s3. But as like an actual TV show I was watching I found myself not invested. I had no interest in Klaus' cult arc (I know he's the tumblr bb boy but I like Klaus but he's not my fav for sure) or Allison's happy marriage arc. I really like the turn her character took in s3, negative character development whoo! Luther is my boy but I didn't care what he was doing either. Would have liked more focus on the Commission that wasn't around the Handler.

Everything and everyone was all spread out and I feel like ideas were thrown out and we went 'hey look at this!' and then it was over before anything could happen with it. I did still enjoy it, all of Five's scenes were amazing. Diego I feel really came into his own this season and him and Lila are such a great duo. BENNNNNNN. Loved Elliot and the Swedes as the perfect TUA side characters who are just so memorable.

But i seriously loved s3, the apocalypse was happening right in front of them and there was this slow creeping tension similar to s1 to just Get Your Shit Together. Everything was spacious yet contained as the world became smaller and smaller leading to some fascinating character moments. LOVED Hotel Obsidian, how it started as this weird place Klaus used to crash to something way way stranger. Dad Diego my beloved, Luther embracing his Himboism and FINALLY getting something good. Allison's cruel breakdown arc. Viktor's reckoning with himself - as a man and a dangerous meta. Five's just complete giving up. Klaus' two disastrous family road trips. I loved the idea of the Sparrows, could they have been used better? Oh yeah but the idea of a competent team on the surface who is broken down once things got tough and weird in contrast to the Umbrellas who are So Bad at everything it cancels out.

Anyway I'm a s3 stan for life.

[narrynukezankielover]

If you love Jared please don’t read this.

I started watching Supernatural about 4 months ago. Never wanted to watch to watch but YouTube kept recommending Misha and Jensen con interviews and Destiel videos (I’m guessing where I love Good Omens and was watching a bunch of Crowley and Aziraphale videos the site assumed I’d like almost any gay stuff) and finally I gave in. Basically I started watching because I ended up loveing Misha especially and Jensen and wanted to see if I’d love their characters. Got a bit pissed when I found out I’d have to watch 3 seasons before Cas even comes into it but I watched anyway. First of all I’m not a fan of the first 3 seasons they remind me of the first season of Gotham before they changed to arc seasons but I like season 4. I would love to know how the hell is Jared is the star of the show? I’m not saying that because I hate the guy (which I do. He’s a 2 year old in a 40ish year old body. I also HATE how he treats Misha. I don’t care if he is the star that doesn’t give him the right to physically hurt the guy. Yes Misha lot of the times laughs it off but that’s just because he’s too nice to tell him to stop. The story that Misha and Jensen told once where Jared was really irritating Misha on set and yes Jensen joined in but I think Jensen said he noticed how upset Misha was and he stopped and the next day he apologized and said that Jared doesn’t know when he’s gone too far is just insane to me. How can an adult be so childish. It’s fine to play jokes on each other but that’s going way too far.) I’m saying it because Dean seems to be more in the show and have more stories with him plus in real life Jensen seems to do more with Supernatural. It’s just my opinion but it does seem like Jensen should be the star.

As someone who is watching these eps for the first time I can tell you there is a lot of Destiel in just the first few Cas eps. I’ve read that the first time they looked at each other with heart eyes was in the first 4 eps so I had to look for myself. The first time I noticed they looked at each other with softened eyes (wouldn’t really call it heart eyes) is the scene in the park on the benches. Then the ep Heaven And Hell is full of Destiel stuff. Sam was ready to kill all the angels he asked if the was anything that could kill angels but the look on Deans face was oh f*ck no. I’m sure he wouldn’t have a problem with killing Uriel since he doesn’t keep it a secret he hates him so obviously it’s Cas he doesn’t want to hurt. Then when the angel misses was telling Dean what it’s like being an angel and that if you don’t obey orders you get killed it’s like he understood what Cas was saying on the bench. That he’s not like the other angels and that he has questions. I think that’s when Dean started thinking about Cas differently then he did before. I found it interesting that when Uriel told Dean that Cas has a weakness and it’s that he likes Dean Dean didn’t really react. He now knows why he got out of hell. He knows Cas didn’t pick him just because he had a crush on him or anything he picked him because he was told to do it to help stop the apocalypse. The weakness part is the interesting part because you wouldn’t call someone’s friend their weakness. That’s usually when people are extremely close or family. Yet Dean didn’t react like he was disgusted or confused it was more just ok an angel likes me that’s fine. The next interesting thing is when Dean and misses kissed. Cas looked like he couldn’t handle watching it then he even turned away. I know Misha said he wasn’t playing Cas in love with Dean from the beginning it wasn’t until a little later when he realized there was something there so if that’s the case why would he react this way to Dean kissing a girl? Was it maybe Mishas actual feelings? Then at the fighting scene I love that when Dean saw that Cas couldn’t fight back he protected him. I seriously doubt Sam would’ve done that. Then at the end Cas stopped Uriel from attacking Dean. Cas has been in only a few eps and yet Cas and Dean are already protecting each other. I find that so cute. Then the little eye stare at the end was amazing.

Lastly from almost the start of the show they make gay comments about Dean. Normally it is about Dean and Sam which is absolutely disgusting considering they’re brothers but I noticed Sam just corrects the person then moves on but not Dean he keeps questioning why the person thought he was gay. He then goes and flirts with guys. Why do the writers keep putting Dean in those situations and not Sam. Obviously Dean is bi.

[joltyflare]

(Sun and Moon Show Rant #3: Poor Eclipse (AND WTF SUN AND MOON?!))

Wow, since my last rant, it has been proven that Ruin is indeed up to no good but his reasoning I had was partially proven to be correct and I never got to even post that theory here so I'm sobbing... (Not as hard as Solar's death made me sob LMAO). Also, Moon apologized to him and I loved that!

ANYWAY, ON TO THE ACTUAL RANT

Last time I was going on about how I didn't like Moon's treatment of Ruin during the arc where they were looking for who made Eclipse (before he was proven guilty, I mean). Well his treatment of ECLIPSE is even worse! I should've also been going "POOR ECLIPSE!"

But, like, seriously man...poor Eclipse. Like actually. I get that he did some bad things about two lives ago and that he's very prickly and snarky but, like, Sun and Moon's family (except for Earth and Solar) have proven to not be the better people during this arc!

When given the opportunity to prove that they are above Eclipse, they've immediately taken the plunge to show they are lower than what you'd come to expect of them. Sun, who was starting to actually have an arc where he realized how screwed up it was to kill others and how he wanted to redeem others, told Eclipse to kill himself! Since waking up Eclipse has only, what, kidnapped Ruin and forced Solar and Moon to do a puzzle? Oh, and he has said a few salty things, though those aren't worth mentioning since none of what he has said to anyone has been as bad as telling someone to off themselves. They also mentioned hoping he'd killed himself when he had been caught in Ruin's little trap.

He's constantly being told that nobody loves him and the world would be better off with him dead. The people telling him this are supposed to be the people we're rooting for...but every time they interact with Eclipse I find myself wishing he'd stand up for himself and not take the verbal as well as physical abuse (on Moon and Lunar's behalf with the shocking and killing things) that he has been given.

Everyone has proven that they are no morally superior than he is. He hates them because of a grudge he has and they hate them because of a grudge they have. He has acted on his grudge in the past and they didn't like it much and constantly pointed out how evil it was but now they are doing the exact same thing! It feels like they are now the villains and he is the hero. Heck, he even pointed them in the right direction that could've saved Solar and Moon treated him like dogshit for believing it was him in the first place!

Moon felt guilt when he found out that all this happened due to Old Moon abandoning Eclipse in his eyes and he was even going to apologize to Eclipse but he told him to kill himself in today's episode so he must not feel that bad about it.

On the bright side of things: Only Earth treats Eclipse with kindness. feel like this will be important to Eclipse's redemption arc. She is kind to him and feels sorry for the things he's been subjected to and the fact he is all alone. She doesn't hate him or wish him harm and I think he's warming up to her slowly, realizing she truly is different from the others (even in his own words!). I really, truly hope she is going to become an important part of his redemption arc.

I would like there to be a scene where Earth catches wind of the things people say to Eclipse and just loses it. I mean she is very emotionally vulnerable at the moment and she seems to be on the verge of snapping and shouting at someone. She was distraught when she saw Lunar kill Eclipse and admitted that she felt a sense of closure when he came back to life and she got to see him in person again. I feel like she'd not be pleased to hear that people have been telling this guy to kill himself when he has simply been nothing more than a harmless, spicy dude hanging around this arc. This, coupled with the fact she actually lost someone, makes me feel like she wouldn't have it if she heard someone tell Eclipse these things or even hear someone say "nobody loves you" as an insult when he's just there!

He has died a few times now. His last death was one of the most painful ways someone in this series has gone...and he came back to life immediately with the memory. His death before that was actually him trying to warn Sun and Moon of the dangers of Lunar and the Astral Bodies and he had been tricked. It had been the one time he'd tried helping someone and he paid the ultimate price because he couldn't get them to trust him due to his snarky personality still being prevalent.

He has suffered so much this arc and even Lunar's trauma can't compare anymore. He killed and hit Lunar, right? Well, Lunar electrocuted him to death and admitted he fantasized about killing him. He made others dislike Sun and Moon and somewhat contributed to the death of Old Moon, right? Well, he has died twice since then and now everyone hates him and tells him the world would be better off without him. He was also used as a pawn to distract them because their hatred of him was so strong that Ruin knew he could use their hatred as a distraction.

His simple existence now causes people to verbally abuse him in heinous ways. He can't just stand somewhere without someone being absolutely awful. Yet he never loses his temper or uses the magic he was given against them. He just says some snarky things and brushes off their words. What he did in the past was bad but he didn't exactly intend on returning and he's just stuck here. People can deal with it as they will but them saying to kill himself doesn't make them better than him, that's for sure.

Thankfully, Earth treats him like a person. She's the only one who does. I really, really hope that this is important for his arc. I hope they have more interactions and I hope he can actually become closer to her. It's wishful thinking on my behalf to think that she will witness him being verbally abused and step in but you never know. She knows he feels abandoned as well.

I also theorize he's bringing back Solar. I might save that for another post. If he does, I hope it makes everyone realize that he has changed and that they were out of line with the things he said. I really hope they do realize that they have mistreated him as bad (if not worse) than he has mistreated them, especially Moon in particular, who knows he feels abandoned by his former self.

This leads me to something that I'll save for another rant but Moon keeps feeling guilty for things and then repeats them without thinking about it after. Like, he says he feels bad for how his past self abandoned Eclipse or he feels bad for how he keeps being a dick to others but he keeps mistreating them. So uhh yeah.

[tleeaves]

The Fictional Crush Line-Up For 2023 and Beyond

Was going to do this sooner (as in a review on the year based on the new or resurfaced interests I picked up, with aforementioned fictional crushes along the way), but I wanted to collect art for them all too and then I also had to try and remember them all. But here we are. If I'm missing any, I'll either have to edit and or reblog to include them.

See if you can spot any common threads (it may get trickier as the list goes on, just be warned). This goes almost in chronological order. But order does not in any way reflect my level of brainrot and obsession with each.

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE FRAGILE THREADS OF POWER, BALDUR'S GATE III, AND ARCANE: LEAGUE OF LEGENDS (SPECIFICALLY REGARDING VIKTOR).

Consider yourself warned.

Victor Vale (Vicious by V.E. Schwab)

Victor and his revenge story are kind of responsible for kick-starting my journey of self-rediscovery these past twelve months, in a strange and roundabout way. He made me want to stick up for myself and what I wanted out of life. Sure, he's extremely morally grey in a concerning way, and yeah, we don't normally encourage revenge, but I found him a comfort at a difficult time. But also, I could totally fix him (no one can and it's no one's responsibility, yet the sentiment is still there). I'm not usually one for blonds (I am a liar) but his cold aesthetic is oddly pleasing. There's nothing I understand more than an awe that rots into resentment and envy while maintaining the same thread of fascination with someone. "Victor Vale was not a fucking sidekick" is just a, mwah, chef's kiss line. Honestly, I have less of a crush on this guy, more of an understanding that I appreciate. Also, I haven't even mentioned the chronic pain implications and canon uses of his powers. But that might be for another time.

Viktor (Arcane: League of Legends)

Another Viktor with chronic illness themes and whose (in LoL lore) regard for a partner in science goes sour over time as they pursue different objectives (not seen in the Netflix series yet, of course, it's too early for glorious evolution). This guy always comes back to rot in my brain, and I cannot wait for season 2 later this year to see what comes of his arc. I'm planning a fanfic involving him, Jayce, and maybe/sort of Jinx, based on a dream I had months ago but still have swirling in the soup that is my consciousness. There is something so pretty about this guy. If I was more confident in my sketching abilities, he'd end up being my muse way too often. Viktor's character to me is kind of a tragedy personified, and I love a good tragedy. Oh, and his voice actor?? Amazing. There's some debate over how authentic he sounds to Eastern Europeans, but the accent aside still, he sounds sooo good. I want to sit in on a lecture where he speaks about literally anything for two hours.

Kell Maresh (A Darker Shade of Magic; The Fragile Threads of Power by V.E. Schwab)

Usually, I don't talk about Kell because of how silly I feel like my crush on him is. I identify with Delilah "Lila" Bard throughout ADSOM and even Threads, so I hate further mentioning how much I actually think about Kell because I'd have to fist fight anyone who said I only relate to her because of Kell when that's not the truth. And yet, there's still enough differences between Lila and I for me to be like "if I had to pick a woman in the Schwabverse..." But also, MAYBE I JUST THINK KELL IS GORGEOUS, OKAY? 🫣 Maybe I like that he starts as a somewhat naive prince who's had things both easy and rough in life (wanting to be loved by the only family you know and not feel like you're only there to protect your adoptive brother whom your parents tried to tell you both was not actually your brother and you should stop treating each other as such is VALID, argue with the wall, also he's the bodyguard and eternal worrier (yes, worrying) for Rhy and he's taken lives way too young). Maybe I like that he fell first and fell hard for Lila (okay, but if we're getting into the nitty-gritty, she did flirt with him first multiple times, but she would never admit to actual feelings), that he's the male love interest without reservations for once, leaving it up to Lila and whether she's open to love for once in a story. And yeah, okay, maybe I like that he's actually some kind of a prince charming, the sort you always secretly dream about, you know? Shut up. I like his stupid magic coat too. He's clever, but occasionally actually unbelievably dumb, he's funny and witty yet he knows when to keep his mouth shut (and is usually the one hauling others out of a scrap because of their own smart mouths), he cares too much about his family, AND DID I MENTION HE ALSO HAS CHRONIC ILLNESS THEMES THAT BROKE MY DAMN CHRONICALLY ILL AND IN PAIN HEART? I've said too much already, but there. He's a guy.

Miguel O'Hara (Spider-Man: Across The SpiderVerse)

This is the one my sister teases me most about because she doesn't get it. To be honest with you all, even I don't know how to explain it. But this guy. Miguel. There is something about him that I just abdkjdjsdv, you know? Is it the tragedy? The moral greyness? The fangs? His insane height? Just his fanon self? The fucking muscles?? I don't know. But I will defend how interesting he is as an antagonist until the cows come home.

Elliott (Stardew Valley)

Oh... boy. Sometimes, I realise I have a type. It's pretty guys who are hopeless romantics that write novels and poetry. Maybe it's just this one guy. But wow, it works on me. I'm writing a fanfic about him because I need to. There's only 400-odd words to it so far. It was not long after I met him in the game that I decided I had to wife him up. I planted that pomegranate tree early, because it's his favourite fruit for those who don't know, and he loves receiving them as a gift. I got ducks so I could give him their stray feathers. I learned how and when to find lobsters and catch crabs because he loves those too. If I'm out of gifts, I go get a coffee for him because every writer needs their sustenance. Literally, by Spring of Year 2, we were married, and I wondered if perhaps I might have been a little too single-mindedly pursuing every one of those cut scenes when I should have been taking it a bit slower and making it less of a mission. Don't know what to tell you, I went crazy. I fully believe in the headcanon that he gets up early just to go through his haircare routine. Is he pretentious? Maybe. Does he lay it on a little too thick that he's scared of dying alone? Well, okay, yes. Does it bother me that as a househusband he doesn't help out more on the farm? Occasionally. But there's also no one else I'd rather be with (and I developed a sprinkler system specifically so there was less work for me anyway and so now I don't mind at all when he isn't helping). And I can't believe my sister ever introduced me to Stardew Valley because I am now mentally ill about a videogame character made of pixels. Yes, I make wine just for him too. Hush. I spoil him daily now that we're married. Our first child is a son named Ernest. I was debating between Ernest and Edgar, and honestly, I think I should have gone with the latter, but I chose the former. All the dialogue from Elliott is so frickin' cute.

Astarion Ancunín (Baldur's Gate III)

And do you know what the worst part about this one is? I still haven't actually played Baldur's Gate III. I know, I KNOW. A crime. I'm working on it. But you best believe I've watched every cutscene I can, every scrap of gameplay dialogue, all the choices, the different endings you can get with him (Ascended breaks my heart every time -- I don't care how hot he is, it's not what he would have wanted, he doesn't love you like he used to anymore, and he's not as happy as he could be), and I've listened to all the interviews with Neil Newbon and the writer for Astarion about him. This fruity traumatised vampire haunts me. I want to hold him gently and caress his face and tell him he's beautiful and what he looks like to me since he hasn't seen his reflection in centuries and I want to make sure he knows he's loved. I want him to bite me and drink my blood too, but that's not as important. Does it weird me out how much he reminds me of Prince Charming from the Shrek franchise and Preminger from Barbie: The Princess and the Pauper and then aesthetically Asra from The Arcana: A Mystic Romance? Yes. But Astarion's also his own character and I'm in love with his smile and goofy lines.

Settrigh "Sett" (Heartsteel; League of Legends)

This... might be the lowest point, actually 💀 My sister would agree. Because it's not enough to crush on book characters, show characters, and videogame characters -- while technically this guy is a videogame character and was part of League of Legends waaay before the music video, it was the PARANOIA music video that got me. So, even fictional characters made/involved in music videos are not safe from my heart. Because, as I understand it, OG Sett is a bit different from Heartsteel Sett, and I've found I usually prefer reading about the interpretation of the latter in fanfic more than the former. I mean, I still really, really enjoy fanfics where he's The Big Boss of the pits, and or his other background/lore is included, but I've read some where his old personality is a bit Yikes. The golden retriever energy is my favourite era of his if we can call it that (I still headcanon him as a part fox Vastayan, you can't convince me otherwise so go argue with someone else about it, not me). And honestly, I think I might have read more fics involving Sett in 2023 than I did any of the other characters on this list. Which is saying something since he's not as popular as a few of them. He's a pretty guy and I wish to bite him. Lovingly.

Mizu (Blue Eye Samurai)

Oh woman. Mizu is... is... she's basically my wife. I know she's all our wife, but like just let me dream a little here. As soon as I finished the series, I was opening up Tumblr, Pinterest, and AO3, my holy trinity of fandom. My platonic wife was sending me TikToks of our shared fictional wife. Mizu can wind up non-binary, male, female, I honestly do not mind because I am in love with any version she is/becomes (for now, I interpret her as a woman in disguise, but if that changes, I'll absolutely change how I refer to Mizu). She is a tragedy wrapped up in revenge because of a rotten love and unfortunate parentage and time period. I want her as much as I want to be her. Also? I go insane over her little smiles and smirks. I LOVE when we got to hear her laugh, even if it was mostly the flashbacks (do not mention Mikio near me; if he wasn't already dead, I would kill him). Also, who doesn't hate their British/white half, ahaha, oh my god, I know mixed ethnicity is a hot topic for people who do not want POC whitewashed in media, and I fully understand that, but I do appreciate seeing parts of myself in mixed characters like the conflict between trying to be more like one side than another. I'll also admit it: she does indeed look hot covered in blood and carrying a sword. I'll see myself out the door. I've been wanting to write a fanfic about her but I'm still stewing over ideas. Mizu is also probably my first truly major crush on a fictional woman (other than my childhood crush on Helga Sinclair from Atlantis: The Lost Empire). Vi from Arcane comes pretty close, but I see too much of myself in her that it gets weird.

We'll do some honourable mentions for characters from The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim since I've gotten into that again.

Brynjolf, Hadvar, and Nazir, I wish I could mod my gameplay so I could marry you. The developers hated their men-loving gamers (I know the women-lovers complain about Serana, but she will never be as heartbreaking as Brynjolf, I don't care if she recognises proposals only to decline them). I mean, Brynjolf is the Tamriel equivalent of Scottish, he calls you "lass/lad", has got a smoothass voice, supports you through so much of the Thieves Guild questline, has a wicked sense of humour, and then when you finish the questline, it's all "sorry, lass. Got important things to do. We'll speak another time" 😭 You can't even recruit him as a follower. He says nothing when you wear an amulet of Mara. I play on a fucking PS4, I can't do mods to marry him or get more dialogue.

(By the way, on my most recent playthrough, Lydia died when I fought the troll on the seven thousand steps, and I am still mad about it. It used to be difficult for Lydia to die, that was why I brought her everywhere, and now I have to become Batman "I work alone". ESPECIALLY after Benor then died on the way up to Paarthurnax. I still can't believe that happened, I should have told him to stay behind and wait for my return.)

Also, every time I play, Derkeethus is so bugged, I can't even rescue him let alone marry the guy, which was disappointing because he seemed nice.

Argis the Bulwark, Vilkas, Farkas, Rayya, Aela the Huntress, and Marcurio, you are all marriageable and live in my heart always. Marcurio was the first I ever married, I think. Three guesses why I chose him (it's the sarcasm, wisecracks, and general sense of humour) (maybe the long hair too). Has anyone noticed how there doesn't seem to be marriageable options among the Khajiit characters?? Why do you think that is? I just checked the Skyrim marriage wiki and this is what it has to say in the trivia: 'There are no Khajiit spouses, however; since the majority of Khajiit in Skyrim are traders or travelers from Elsweyr, they probably have families back home. Additionally, Khajiit characters talk about home a lot, stating how much they miss it and how cold Skyrim is; thus, they probably do not want to marry and settle down in Skyrim.'

Heart-breaking. Oh well.

And that's the end of the line-up. If you read through this, Divines bless your goddamn soul. Psycho-analyse me based on them, I dare you. Or just judge me. I'd like to see either. And if you can find something in common about them all (you don't need to consider the honourable Skyrim mentions), please let me know, because I am personally at a loss.

[cowboymantis]

Y'know what since it's pride month, I'll do a little random rambling about my identity, bc hell I am 22 whole years old and I am still struggling with my gender lmaoo 😭😭

But also, nowadays I think it's really funny that I took so long to properly realize I was trans and aroace

There were. So many signs. 💀

I almost dreaded to come out as trans to one of my old online friend groups, not bc I thought they were transphobic (bc we were always a heavily lgbtq group), but because I thought I took so long and now I'd have to explain myself. (Stupid I know, but my family is very transphobic, so I never got to be my true self irl, and idk if I ever will as long as my family lives, but maybe I'll be brave enough one day)

But one of the first reactions I got was just yeah I always thought you were gonna say that 😭 And us all talking AND OTHERS COMING OUT TOO it was just such a weight lifted from my shoulders, it was so great.

Because of my family, I'm not 100% sure how I feel about my gender, if I feel more nonbinary or male, it's more something in-between, but more towards male,, but that's why I just feel most comfortable without a label, I'm just me and I'm here 🛌

When it comes to figuring out I'm aroace, the thing is, I kinda thought about it before, but I wasn't sure. Even then, it wasn't too long before I realized.

I always hated romance and cheesy scenes, kissing and especially sex scenes in anything I watch make me super uncomfortable, I'd sometimes think about, if I'm grown up and in a relationship, I have to do all of that... And I was actually scared of needing to get in a relationship, or something like that. Part of it was pressure from my parents to tell me I need to find a partner, to, I guess properly live my life or something. And this is essentially what a lot of people think, that you NEED to have a partner to be complete, and I always found it so weird. I don't want a partner I just wanna sit in my room and play videogames all day :'D

Oddly enough, No Straight Roads, one of my favourite games ever, has indirectly helped me- NOW HEAR ME OUT. One name: Eve.

Omg I love Eve so so much, and her whole arc just made me slowly go ... I feel that omg

I was in one relationship in my life, I'm actually still friends with that person, they also came out as trans, but are in a poly relationship now, which is kind of funny to me because we went pretty much the exact opposite route, I love it 😭

Anyway, I never had any feelings of love how people describe it, I never had any attraction to people. But I was so desperate when we broke up, like I lost my one opportunity in life to be in a relationship, like I needed to have someone else no matter how uncomfortable I felt being in one.

And I just saw my younger teenage self in Eve and I think this is one of the reasons I am so attached to this character, gahhHH I love No Straight Roads so much. It has helped me in a time I was feeling down, it indirectly got me into kpop (😭😭yeah), which then also came at the right time when I had a downer phase, and the community of the game on release was just so sweet.

But yeah, to come back to it, throughout my life, I basically went from "I guess I'm pan or something, because I don't have a preference"

To "Okay the thought of being with a man disgusts me, so I have to be a lesbian"

To "Okay, but I just like looking at people in an aesthetical way, I simp for characters or actors as a joke, I just like looking at them or think they're cute, but that's about it"

And then I was just like oh. Oh wait. it's all coming together.

Realizing you're aromantic and/or asexual can be really hard, and I've seen others' experiences be similar to mine. I think, in a way, it's so hard bc pursuing relationships is the norm for most of the world.

Thinking back to that one lesson we had in ethics class I'll never forget, we had to write down something about the meaning of life. And then everyone should say what they have written down and what their idea was. Most people wrote down having a family. I don't even know what I wrote down (probably something like a happy life or something basic), but I talked about how meaning of life doesn't have to be having a family. And the teacher basically laughed at me for saying that bc that's the whole point of being a human!!!

And I guess from that day I had this one sided beef / grudge against this teacher bc how the hell are you an ethics teacher and think so one-sided 😭 Sure, humans start families so they don't die out, but not EVERY human needs to start a family to have a purpose in life?

So yeah, anyway. Aspecs are very nuanced, there are those who have platonic relationships, people who enjoy sex although they are not attracted to someone, I myself am absolutely repulsed by anything sexual and I don't ever want any type of relationship, I don't like being lovey dovey, and I hate being too close to someone, like hugging, etc. On the outside I've always been very distant, but on the inside I have all the love I don't have for romance, for my friends and for this world instead 😌🙏

I guess I can really seem too cold or maybe even angry, bc it's hard for me to properly show my emotions, and that's why I prefer text over word, I can express myself so freely and can add all the silly little emotes I want :3

Also, I always loved the I do not perceive and do not wish to be perceived bc yeah . Me fr jfhdjdhr

Also, I'm not too fond of sexualities and genders all having weird stereotypes, but god damit I love robots/androids etc sm I always would love to be one fr ‼️‼️ I guess that's one of the reasons I was immediately hooked on Tokusatsu- NO THIS IS NOT GONNA BE A TOKU POST THIS HAS DERAILED WAY TOO FAR

But speaking of-- Naki me belobed and ofc their actor, I love Nakayama sm man and recently read an a bit older interview of him and he's so real 😭😭 I've never literally me-d for an actor so much 🥲

[transmascutena]

Hey I found your blog kind of at random coincidentally right when I started RGU after putting it off for a long time. I grew up on toonami and I like going back to the "classics" for any form of media, so it's an obvious choice.

The reason I delayed watching it for so long is kind of odd; when I perused the Wikipedia summary way back when the blurb for (i think) ep 30 had the line something like, "Utena realizes she has fallen in love with Akio against her will." My knowledge of the series was 1) Akio is bad guy and 2) Utena is heroine, and something about that plot point just soured me on the entire thing. It was mostly a personal issue, my own phobias around corruption and loss of control, so I wasn't in the mood for a story of falling victim to that, especially a protagonist I'm supposed to empathize with, and I also just hate that trope. "Oh no, I love Bad Person so I will now do Things I know are Bad because Love." That can certainly be well done but I think it's more often the sign of bad writing from writers without the skill or patience to adequately portrayed a character arc. I found a few fan blogs and essays about the seduction of Utena, and how it's allegedly done in universe as very calculated, meticulous and believable.

I can't say exactly why but the entire concept just repulsed me. I think difficult subjects definitely should be discussed in media, so the reluctance was out of character for me. Eventually I found myself thinking about it so much I decided I had to just sit down and watch it just to be able to make up my own mind. I guess I just figure that Big Bad Seduces Hero and She Dies but also Wins Somehow?? is such a dumb plot that it can't actually be the content of a show that is so highly regarded.

I suppose I don't actually have a question for you, I just wanted to write out my reservations to somebody, but maybe you have some insights on it. Because I'm also learning from your blog that there's a scene that some people can't decide is rape or not? The hell? I guess I just don't want to sink hours of my life into this and then find a gratuitous rape scene that's trying to be Deep and Artistic.

Maybe that's my question, is the hype worth it, and does the show justify it's use of sexual violence in your opinion? Thanks for reading this, I mostly just needed to type it out.

to be quite honest i think "Utena realizes she has fallen in love with Akio against her will" is a bad summary of that episode, that i don't think really gets across what the episode, or the show as a whole, is about, so i don't blame you for feeling hesitant because of it. utena, at least in my interpretation of the show, is not and never was "in love" with akio. she is being groomed by him, and is being convinced that she is, but even then it's more complicated than that. it's just as much about the structure of The Family as it is about romance for example. it's about how the lines between the two often get blurry under patriarchy, and how that vagueness can be used to take advantage of kids who don't know better (utena especially because she does not have a family, and does not know what a family is supposed to be). there is so so much to this that i can't get to it all here, but if you're worried about it being a cliché plot executed badly, don't be. there are so many layers to it that say so much about how these systems work in real life, and it absolutely lives up to the praise people give it. but, you know, it is a heavy subject and it is portrayed that way, so be aware of that going in.

as for the rape scene, it is pretty unanimously agreed upon to be rape by the fandom, and the only reason there are a few people who disagree is that they don't know what the concept of consent means. that being said though, the scene itself is not gratuitous at all, nor is it at all explicit, really. it's clear what is happening for sure, and it is absolutely upsetting and uncomfortable, but the only thing that is actually shown is the character's face. the show as a whole does not really have any nudity either, if that tells you anything. the sexual abuse is there and it is not subtle, but it is always depicted with respect for the victim, and nothing is ever show that isn't strictly necessary. it's really impressive to me, to be honest. the scene is there for a reason, and it is important to the plot/character arcs, because the show is about (among other things) commentary on systems of sexual violence/abuse. the show absolutely does "justify" it's use of sexual violence, because it's about not only why it's bad, but also how and why it happens.

[dreamsandscenes]

My Ranking of TVD Seasons

*spoilers ahead*

NUMBER 8 - SEASON 8

I mean…do I need to even explain this? We all saw season 8. It was a mess. I felt like I had to drag myself through this season, just because I wanted to see how it ended. The only highlight for me was the ending.

NUMBER 7 - SEASON 5

The characters going to college was always going to be a strange transition - as it is in any tv show that starts with the characters in high school - and I just didn’t like the change. I can’t even put my finger on a specific reason why. It just felt different. This season also had the Travelers and Markos, who were just boring villains. The whole Silas/Qetsiyah plot was interesting at first, but fizzled out for me. The only highlight I could maybe pick out is Katherine’s arc. The show just didn’t fill the hole that the Mikaelsons left behind imo.

NUMBER 6 - SEASON 7

I didn’t completely hate this season. Ngl it was weird without Elena. That being said, I actually liked the time jumps in episodes. I wasn’t a fan of the Caroline pregnancy storyline, but that only happened because Candice King got pregnant irl. It just seemed to me like Caroline felt so bad for Alaric & everything he went through in S6, that she continued the pregnancy out of pity for him. The whole Alaric & Caroline “romance” (if you can call it that) was disgusting too. What were the writers thinking. I enjoyed the Damon and Bonnie moments though and Bonnie finally found a good love interest in Enzo. The Heretics weren’t all terrible either. I liked Nora. The Originals crossover ep was a highlight too.

NUMBER 5 - SEASON 6

Season 6 was a mixed bag for me. I really loved the whole prison world storyline. I thought it was unique and an interesting way to keep Bonnie and Damon alive after the S5 finale. It completely changed their relationship for the better too. Kai Parker was a great villain, one of the best in the whole series. I remember when he first told Bonnie and Damon about what he did to his family, that was the first time I was genuinely disturbed by a TVD character. Liz’s death was so emotional. Elena’s storyline this season was dull and I didn’t enjoy the whole Lily Salvatore thing. The season finale at Alaric and Jo’s wedding was crazy though.

NUMBER 4 - SEASON 4

Hope Mikaelson tutorial above 👀. Maybe it’s an unpopular opinion, but I actually liked Elena’s transition and then her no humanity arc. I seriously didn’t like the sirebond thing though. That felt icky to me. Her relationship with Rebekah from enemies to kinda friends was nice. Going to Silas island for the cure was interesting. Did I love the cure storyline? Not really, but it wasn’t the worst.

NUMBER 3 - SEASON 1

So many great moments. I just love this season. I will say, the pilot is a little rough, but most pilots are, so I don’t hold it against the season as a whole. While I’m not a Stelena shipper, I do think Stefan and Elena were very sweet in S1. Elena was also at her best in this season and season 2. When I say I like Elena, it’s this one I’m referring to. Damon was in his villain moment. The arrival of Katherine at the end was just perfect after all the talk about her throughout the season. I will say, I didn’t love S1 the first time I watched it, but when I went back and rewatched it, it became one of my favs.

NUMBER 2 - SEASON 2

This season? Oh this season keeps you on your toes. Elijah’s first appearance was so damn good. The moment at the school dance where Bonnie looks at Elena as she fakes her death with the sparks falling around her was a beautiful shot. I was so stressed the first time I saw it because I really thought Bonnie died. The build up to Klaus’ arrival and then him taking over Alaric’s body, so we kind of got a sneak peek of the character before Joseph Morgan fully entered the show was fantastic. I wish he didn’t kill Jenna, but he wouldn’t be the villain if he didn’t do horrible things.

NUMBER 1 - SEASON 3

The best of the best. The absolute pinnacle of the series. Season 3 was non stop action. It never got boring. And of course one of the main reasons why this season is number one for me is the introduction of the full Mikaelson family. The Originals brought so much to TVD. This was THEIR season tbh. They were the best villains ever in the series, and watching the Mystic Falls characters try to take them out never got old. From Stefan’s ripper arc, to the Mikaelson ball episode, to Alaric being turned by Esther, and then finally, Elena’s death and transition in the final episode; it was just simply a perfect season.

[toastytoaster22]

Hiiiii toasty! 13, 19 and 24 for the weird writing game!

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

Hm. Sex used to be astronomically difficult, but after pushing myself to write Leaps and Bounds, I think it would be much less of a struggle. I haven't actually written any sexual encounters since then though, so it might still be rough seeing as I am so out of practice. All I've been writing for the last three years is angst oops

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

OOf I know I have talked about this before but not recently. My big sister introduced me to fanfiction back in... I don't know, 2005 or something. Maybe earlier. She was in high school and into angsty slash fics. We only had a family computer so she used to read some stuff aloud to me when we were home alone. At some point I started looking for stuff I liked on my own and by 2007 most of my friends were reading too.

As a silly joke thing to do, me and three other friends all made accounts and published Harry Potter fics when we were juniors in high school. Two of them made spoof-like oneshots, but me and one other posted the first chapters of actual multi-chap stories. She went on to write over a million words for that particular series of fics, and I ... moved on to other fandoms. I started a couple fics that i never finished and only actually finished one multi-chap fic. It was poorly written and two short chapters but I did it!

Then i went to college and stopped writing for what turned into six years. I did other creative things instead and I read like crazy, but I didn't try writing again. My (then) boyfriend and I moved a couple times after graduating and eventually ended up in Virginia in 2016. I had very few friends and was frustrated by my job, and he was always busy, so i had tons of free time. At some point we had a conversation where i admitted to writing fanfic and he was DELIGHTED. he wanted to read it. I refused, but somehow in the flustered mess i admitted my penname, sooooo he said he could just look me up.

I was horrified that he would see my *cough*Suite Life of Zach and Cody*cough* fic and laugh at me for the rest of my life so i was very dramatic and begged him not to look. He gave me an offer.

I could let him read one of my old fics of my own choosing... Or I could write something new and let him read that.

I took the bait. I immediately changed my penname and noodled for a few weeks on what to write. I gathered all my long repressed love for Digimon and embarked on a six chapter angst fest. Which got interrupted by two one-shots and a collection of side stories. And then I wrote another. Then started a drabble series. Then branched off into the Tsubasa fandom. We moved three more times and I wrote a 50k fic in just over a year. We got married. Bought a house.

And then I found Mob Psycho 100.

And I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and covid hit and I wrote Break and I wrote Issho. and I got pregnant and I started Nightjar and then found out I was pregnant oops. That has slowed me down immensely. Having a toddler who STILL doesn't sleep is debilitating for my writing energy. But! The past few months I have been mostly working on my original story which I do not talk about online. Much progress is being made.

I will get back to Nightjar and Resonate but I am currently knee deep in worldbuilding.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

Oh god, depending on the length of the fic I spend anywhere from a week to a year getting it into shape before I actually write chapters to post. I put probably too much prep work into them. Timelines, character arc maps, pov pros and cons, messages I want to convey, moments i want to include. I write down everything before I start typing. I do it all by hand in notebooks bc i am old fashioned. i drink tea with too much honey and I listen to playlists and i think until my brain wants to melt. But thats fics like Issho and Nightjar and Resonate.

A lot of my oneshots are a moment of inspiration that i daydream about for days or weeks until I decide its good and ripe enough for others to see.

[stardustpr1ncess]

So over the course of binging Camp Cretaceous over the weekend to the point of exhaustion, I can confidently say I love it. Kinda glad I waited this long to watch it since idk how I'd feel having to wait for Chaos Theory.

Did I hate nearly every main character at one point or another? Yes, undoubtedly so, stop saving every dinosaur you find when it means your friends will be in danger DARIUS YOU FUCK. Did season 4 start Kenji x Brooklynn (she's in middle school while he has FACIAL HAIR 🤮) and have the main protagonist be literally an incel with robot dogs? Yes, sadly.

HOWEVER, seasons 1 2 and 3 were phenomenal character studies on how 6 kids would handle being stranded on dinosaur Disney World. Not only how they would survive such a tragedy, but how they would grow and come to terms with complex emotions about themselves and their new found family.

Some examples being the phenomenal arc that Ben goes through when he becomes isolated from the entire group, and slowly realizes he's in a sink or swim situation in which being the same "Scared Ben" (his words) will get him killed. He realizes this when he's surrounded by Compies alone with no one he can rely upon, so he finds the strength within himself (that dog in him if you will) to intimate them into running away. Furthermore he continues to survive alone for weeks, growing so confident as to fight Toro (the carnotaurus) in order to get to main street, knowing he's severely outmatched, but that it's his only chance of rescue.

My personal favorite example (yes... sadly this happens in season 4 😭) involves Yasmina, the best character. Over the course of their 6 months on Isla Nublar, they have been abandoned by the people put in charge of their care, stranded on a jungle island filled with dinosaurs, along with 3 hybrid dinosaurs bred to be perfect killers, and had to fight to survive essentially everyday. So, upon leaving the island and having a chance to be rescued, only to find there's just more dinosaurs on island 2 electric boogaloo, something inside Yaz snaps. They actually commit to giving this 15 year old PTSD from dinosaurs! Which is the most sane and likely consequence of this situation. She constantly has nightmares about dinosaurs, and has panic attacks at the sight or sound of them, causing the group to actually have to factor that into plans and not have her do insane stuff like sprint from Tyrannosaurus Rex's.

Season 5 was also good and Daniel Kon was an enjoyable and well built up villain, but at that point all the kids are so feral from being stranded on 2 dinosaur islands that it's nowhere near as grounded as the first 3 seasons. Therefore I can't really bring myself to say things like "stop saving the dinosaurs Darius you are fucking stupid", because at that point, they're so lost in the sauce of being the most dedicated environmental activists ever, that they might as well finish the job.

OH! Did I mention that Bumpy is in fact a character in this show? Or that she's also the cutest ever? Or that they're making a Lego set of her that I WITHOUT A DOUBT will be purchasing? That's a very important part of the essay can't be leaving Bumpy out like that.

That's a decent amount of what I wanted to say about Camp Cretaceous, there may be more essays to come since this is a 5 season show and Chaos Theory just released. Thank you for reading.

[ruinmegently]

WIP INTRO — These Barren Wilds

A mysterious figure spat up from the sand journeys with a fortune seeking cutthroat looking to sell him to the highest bidder.

- GENRES - dystopian • magical realism • lgbtq+

- THEMES - friends to enemies • enemies to lovers • post-environmental-apocalypse • classism • oppressive government regime • disability representation • dark themes • redemption arc • found family • unrepentantly queer • journey through foreign lands

- VIBES - your wheelchair has crab legs and it's still a bitch to handle • i'm not a cowboy i'm a cowperson tyvm • eat sand and die trying • cooing at your serrated blade because it's the only child you'll ever have • loving the unlovable • not quite a western but eh close enough • byoa (bring your own anarchy)

oh shit that's me. hey writeblr! you can call me ruin. i'm a 32 year old college dropout, unpublished, who was on track for a B.A in English with a concentration in Creative Writing, like, back when dinosaurs rode men. i'm a nerd for The Process (even if The Process often corners me in a dark alley and beats me up for funsies).

#these barren wilds has been living in my head for months now, and ya'll inspired me to finally try to write it. mostly gonna be posting world building, character development, and rough unedited snippets on here, under the tag above.

if you're writing something similar, or if this genre just vibes with you, you are always welcome to spam my ask box so we can geek out about our ideas together!

anyways, i never know how to end these things, ily k bai.

.oo1 — july 31st

Big man lays an old hag flat on her face. Roughs her up with a boot on her hand. Whole crowd hears the crunch, unappetizing, but that doesn’t stop their steady procession shuffling single file to cash in the day’s food vouchers. The lines stretch farther than eyes can see, occluded by a dusty afternoon haze. Vouch Shops close in a couple hours. Sad saps at the back won’t make it before they lock up.

The big guy twists his heel in the lady’s hand. Who knows why. She screams and no one in my line turns but me, like the sound digs actual nails through the back of my skull, so jarring I can’t help but watch.

Hope she shuts up soon.

Ain’t uncommon to see Bruisers at market anyways, but they’ve been showin up more and more. Enforcers sent from way out in Wave came last month to train the dustbloods lucky enough to get a Career Shift Card. To keep the peace, they said. Too much gang activity. Too many deserters.

Right.

The Enforcers are bad enough, but when they send the dregs of Wave to train the dirtiest of Dust, well. You don’t really get new Enforcers outta all that.

“Next!”

“Hey Pops,” I say, elbow on the cracked sandstone counter of the Vouch Shop my line leads to. Gotta bend in half just to plant myself down. Casual, easy, like me and Pops are old friends. Met the guy last week but sure, friends fits just as well as anything else.

“You have it?” Pops asks, beady black eyes squinted against the glare of the sun.

His shop’s west-facing. Most face north or south. I asked him why he wanted to go and stick out like a sore thumb, our first meetup. He told me out west’s where hope’s found, if you can drag yourself far enough onward to find it. He likes the view. He likes knowing there’s more out that way. I told him you gotta scale the walls first, or blunder through em, unless you’re lucky enough to get a new job with a fancy CSC. But then you’ll always be a dustblood, won’tcha?

You can leave the desert but the desert never really leaves you.

[jtl07]

jtl07 fics, summer 2023

Kinda liked doing the half year recap in June and had planned to do another one at the end of the year, but since I had quite the posting spree this month, decided to do one now.

General stats

Total on this pseud: 12 (all avatrice / Warrior Nun fandom)

Fics posted (chronological order):

to all the girls (to you, to me) -- or: Ava watching people fall in love with Beatrice, including herself

leave it all behind (I’ll see you on the other side) -- or: Ava comes back - healthy, whole, quiet. Too quiet.

the long, delirious, burning blue -- or: the moody Top Gun 2 (Maverick) AU

another little peace (restful pieces): something old, something blue -- or: the girls buy cereal; or or: Bea learning the difference between safety and familiarity

looks for you in everything (finds you there) -- or: Switzerland vignettes based on items found in their bedroom

Enhanced Beings Tech Support transcripts -- or: What if there was technical phone support for “enhanced beings” like halo bearers?

another little peace (restful pieces): lets you see the wonder of it all -- or: Ava meets a member of her family

another little peace (restful pieces): like a boat -- or: Beatrice plays Stray Gods

late night vigil -- or: camila learns about beatrice's strap; she helps in her own way

another little peace (restful pieces): to always wake up to you -- or: avatrice proposal based off of SimplyKorra's fantastic headcanon

another little peace (restful pieces): perchance to dream (no more) -- or: Ava wakes up from a dream

can't go back -- or: Five times Beatrice tries a food for a second time

(More numbers, thoughts, and some plans below the cut)

More numbers

Total words: 36720

Shortest: 685 (to always wake up to you)

Longest (one-shot): 5987 (the long, delirious, burning blue)

Average/Median word count: 3060 / 2019

General thoughts

Nearly 10k more words in the past 3 months than I wrote the first half of the year - I guess being in a safe space after your life has been turned upside down makes a difference, huh?

I still don't know what happened this month - specifically, the two week period from 8/14 - 8/26 where my fingers were just trying their best to keep up with the stories pressing in my brain lol (willing to bet it's somethingsomething healing and how it can take many forms, like this kind of intense spike)

Fun fact: This is only the second time I've written a one-shot over 5k words this year (3rd time ever in my many years of writing fic). It's always interesting to look at the average / median word count because it's been firmly in the 2k range. I still want to challenge myself with longer work, they just take time and energy yknow? Under 3k, I feel really comfortable now, which is a cool feeling

Fic that surprised me:

Honestly, everything that happened in that intense two week period (i.e. everything posted after "the long, delirious, burning blue") was a genuine surprise. Every time one of those ideas happened, I felt like I was just trying to keep up. I was really glad to have the space - emotionally, physically - to write those stories.

And I guess what surprised me also was just how wide a range they all were. I've been trying to work on just "writing what will get written" and learning to turn off the judgemental voice in my head that says things like, "you should be writing more," or "you should be writing better ideas." It was a surprise that these ideas just kinda flowed without much friction, yknow? I'm taking it as a sign of growth :)

Fic that was the hardest to write:

Oh gosh hands down leave it all behind (I’ll see you on the other side) - I had to discard full drafts and start over from scratch multiple times to get to what's actually posted. I had tried different perspectives, different settings, different points in the story, but I just kept getting stuck. I think part of it was because when I write, I usually start with a vibe or an arc - with this one, I was starting with the turn, the twist - which I don't often write either. So writing this kind of story was new on all fronts

can't go back was also a bit frustrating to write - I've been dealing with a sudden recurrence of brain fog so I know part of it was that, but idk, I feel like it could have been tighter thematically

Fic that I'm proud of:

Definitely the Top Gun 2/Maverick AU, the long, delirious, burning blue. I mentioned this in a comment that when I first had the idea, I'd expected it to be more of an action fic - I don't often write action, so I thought it'd be a good opportunity to practice. But, as with most of my work, it ended up quite moody, more a reflection of grief and duty.

Why am I proud of it? Because despite my initial intent, and my initial disappointment when I realized the direction it was going, I allowed myself to go with it. Writing this piece helped me accept where I am in my writing, to accept the stories I choose to write and how I write them. This fic was not at all what I had expected, but it turned out to be exactly what I needed

Runner up: looks for you in everything (finds you there) - the final word count shocked me, honestly, I didn't expect to write so many vignettes. But I was mostly proud of the diligence behind this and letting my sappy side run free lol

WIPs in the wings

Lol my WIP list is hella long - and that's not counting a whole separate document I have that's just prompts. I still have some Supercorp ideas that I've not yet fleshed out that are more on the "experimental" side that play with form and formatting - I've also some avatrice ones in "genre" as well.

Surprisingly, I've a couple AUs I've been turning over in my mind - I blame playing Stray Gods for making me remember some video games I'd grown up playing lol Oh and I've been pondering how to do a litrpg/gamelit style fic as well.

There's a couple longer one-shots that I've been pecking at but are going to take me a while to finish - there's one that's sort of a sister to every leaf that falls (never stops falling) (not a continuation, more like a sister in terms of vibe and tone), and another that explores Ava having a new ability (will I ever stop being enamored with Switzerland era? The answer is no lol).

But mostly, I'm just going to vibe with happens - "write what will get written" and all. We'll see where it all goes!

If you've read this far, thanks a ton for your support and going on the ride that is my fics lol - much appreciation to y'all!

[ashen-crest]

seeking thoughts on a type of character behavior

Starting with a behavioral question to see if this is Relatable (TM):

Have you ever found yourself refraining from telling the truth or hiding information because you’re afraid of what the other person will think, even though you know that delaying the inevitable will only make it worse?

Maybe you’re afraid they’ll be mad, or will think less/differently of you. And you know that you can’t hide the truth from them forever, but you still immediately default to simple lies like “I’m fine” or “everything’s fine” or “I definitely am not planning on being possessed by a spirit during a concert you’re going to attend.”

Real talk, irl I know someone who does this all the time (not the plant part, the other part). Has for his whole life. It’s like clockwork. “Hey it’s nice that you’re confiding in me about this, but you should tell X about this, too.” “Yeah, I will.” (doesn’t do it, X gets mad months later when they find out). Every single time.

Now, if I have a character do this, here’s my fear of what the reader will say:

That’s so dumb. Why didn’t he just communicate? Why didn’t he just tell them? This is just manufacturing conflict because he didn’t tell the truth. Doesn’t he know that they’ll be made if he doesn’t tell them?

And just like irl, the answer is: yes!! he does know!! of course he knows, but this is a deep brain pattern and he’s fighting an instinctual fear of shame linked to his low self-worth!! and his arc is to work through that and confide in people again!! It’s psychological internal conflict! Man vs self, babey!

So, I guess my question is: if you were a reader, would you find this sort of behavior/arc annoying, dumb, or angsty? Or would you relate to this character’s behavior?

Book-specific context below the cut if you’re curious, but it does contain spoilers for both book 2 and book 3:

Yes, this is about Emry Karic, because of course this is about Emry Karic.

I’m trying to solidify his character arc, and am currently targeting: not confiding in loved ones -> confiding in loved ones. 

Why doesn’t he confide in loved ones in the first place? Well, last time he was really honest with his family about his future, they kinda kicked him out, and last time he confessed all this to Cal, she left him. That all happened pre-book 1. By the end of book 1, he’s reunited with his family and Cal, all of whom apologize for pushing him away and reassure him that they love him.

(I’m actually doing a whole short story on the family’s apology.)

However, Emry’s issues of self-worth aren’t magically gone by the end of book 1, and it’s not like he’s going to be great at telling people things they might not like to hear. 

A couple instances of this through the book:

1- Oops, Aspen accidentally possessed me for a brief second while they were trying to generate a rainstorm, and as a result, they summoned a really effective rainstorm. Best not tell Cal about this- it’s not like it’s gonna happen again, and it would only make her upset.

2- Welp, turns out that me being possessed by Aspen can actually make our troupe’s music sound really cool and we can do neat tricks! But Cal and my sisters will be at the concert. They’re gonna hate it. I should tell them before the concert...but I can’t bring myself to do it.

3- Andddd turns out that I now have plant powers from being possessed by a forest spirit repeatedly. I have no idea how my loved ones will react to this, so I straight up do not wanna tell them. However, I have grown as a person (lol plant pun) and so I am going to tell them!! And guess what, they’re supportive and they love me and my worst fears didn’t come true!!

A couple fears I have:

like I mentioned earlier, would a reader be like “oh he’s just dumb”?

is it too close to his family arc in book 1, where he goes from actively avoiding his family until he can Achieve the Thing, to seeing his family despite Not Achieving the Thing, and finding that they love him and just wanted him back for years?

If I remove this arc, don’t want his self-esteem or trust issues to be erased, because he also runs into imposter syndrome/ “am I enough without aspen?” in book 3, and by the end of book 3, he finally comes to the conclusion of “yes, I am actually enough.”

So sorry this post got so long! I’m tagging a few people who know my bard boy and who might be able to assist: @sleepyowlwrites @akindofmagictoo @writeblrfantasy @zmwrites @chayscribbles

[thetonethetollandthethunder]

Arc of A Scythe analysis, chapter 6-10

—

Chapter 6!

-Ooo! This is the chapter we see the new order scythes!!!

-99.9 percent on-time service…stuff like this makes me wish i was in scythe—

-I find it very funny that the middle seat is just as bad as disease and government, Neal always makes this small funny bits intentionally or not

-GODDARD ID RECOGNIZE THAT ROBE ANYWHERE

-Elegy of scythes <3

-This is fucking terrifying though, imagine you’re finally on your way home, you can’t wait to see your family, they’re all waiting for you, all you want is a nice flight home, and then it’s announced you’re gonna die. Thats fucking scary man

-This scene really shows how fucked up Goddard and is Elegy are, how cruel they can be

-Yes business man, gleaning is necessary, but not in this way, this way is just despicable

-Chomsky is too excited for this PUT THE FLAMETHROWER AWAY SIR

-Oh god Goddard is using the word Alpha, do you think he considers himself an alpha male? I do NOT wanna think about that

-“Yet even in dreams I often find myself gleaning…” god almost all scythes must be so fucking traumatized man-

-Jesus what a good chapter, a great way to start the new part!

—

Chapter 7!!

-Faraday is lowkey a good professor, no wonder you high school au freaks like using him for that /hj

-I for one, CAN imagine Faraday with a mace, he’d look fucking awesome

-Banned weapons are encouraged, that is SCARY!!!

-No wonder a lot of scythes (esp young ones in the new order are bloodthirsty, it’s this cycle of encouragement and being exempt from the rules of society, sure the older scythes preach about gleaning with honor but when you’re young, especially around citra and rowan’s age, you’d be hard-pressed to listen and be much more interested in the bloodsports of Goddard. That’s how he gets you!!!

-Also as someone who has started journaling my scythe journal would be UNREADABLE I have AWFUL handwriting

-Killing 5 people a week, and 260 a year is INSANE!! Again it’s no wonder a lot of scythes are so desensitized to this shit, and even revel in it, you kind of have to, just for your own sanity

-“Good scythes don’t get days off.” *COUGH COUGH* GODDARD *COUGH COUGH*

-“The idea that not all scythes were good was something neither Rowan or Citra had ever considered. It was widely accepted that scythes adhered to the highest moral and ethical standards. Even the ones who sought celebrity were seen to deserve it.” OHH YOU FUCKERS HAVE NO IDEA I LOVE WHEN I HAVE FORESIGHT THE CHARACTERS IN THEIR CURRENT PRESENT TIME DONT!!!!

-“If you do not cry yourself to sleep on a regular basis, you are not compassionate enough to be a scythe.” OUGH THAT LINEEEEE!!!!

-“She doubted rowan cried himself to sleep.” It all happens on the inside, citra!

-“I prefer to see each person I glean as an individual deserving of an end that is unique.” I love how the first book shows how compassionate and truly worthy of the title Scythe Faraday is. It’s that compassionate that makes him stay as one even after the title is gone. Because that’s what he truly is.

-“I find fire a horrific way to glean and would never use it.” ROWAN WOULD DISAGREE OHOHOHOOOOO—

-Its here where I think Rowan gets a lot of his moral code, or at least starts to think about it, to him Faraday is a model scythe, the scythe anyone should strive to be, and when he eventually sees scythes the complete opposite of him, his way of thinking as Scythe Lucifer becomes more clear.

-“I am an accomplice to the world’s oldest crime, and it will only get worse.” AAAA THAT LINE MAN

-“All they do is play games and watch cat holograms.” Oh Neal you really don’t know shit about how people actually use technology—

-I think me and Rowan would have similar handwriting (bad)

-“Rowan found it increasingly hard to parse his feelings about her.” ROWAN FELL FIRST AND HE FELL HARD MAN!!!!!!!!!

-Ben mention :(((((

-This entry of Curie’s journal really fucking hits you man!!! Especially the “I don’t know” at the end like UGH!!!!

-AMAZING CHAPTER AS ALWAYS!!! It’s really laying the groundwork for future character development!

—

Chapter 8!!!

-We get some foreshadowing to Citra’s gleaning method! The theater part if you can recall!

-Also the “No, I lost. Twice.” Is SO funny

-“It was the only time in all my years as a scythe that I had been thanked for what I do.” And you’ll be thanked SO much more soon Faraday!

-Them becoming more violent and thinking about gleaning is SO interesting esp since its so early, just shows how much it can affect you.

-Foreshadowing to where Rowan chooses which Scythe he chooses to glean when he becomes Scythe Lucifer

-GOD you can FEEL his guilt of having to choose between these 4 people!! How horrible and awful he feels to take their lives away as he learns more UGH

-AND he’s thinking about Bias’s unlike SOMEONE *cough cough* SCYTHE GODDARD *cough cough*

-“Does it ever get easier?” Rowan asked. “I certainly hope not,” the scythe said.

-Bradford Ziller is such a shit name lmao

-Rowan not wanting to admit he’s the one who chose him is soooo!!

-“They had bitten her. Good for them.” HAH that’s such a fun line

-Oop! There’s an error on my copy of the book! There’s a quotation mark at the end of “How was any of this fair?” When there shouldn’t be because it’s not dialogue! Interesting right?

-Even if he has a stupid name, you can really feel the terror and panic on Bradford, really good stuff

-The fact he wants to be aware and awake when he dies is sooo interesting man

-Rowan and Citra’s love is continuing to blossom!!

-“I fear for all of us if scythes begin to love what they do.” *STARES AT GODDARD*

-Amazing chapter as always!! Two more to go!!

—

Chapter 9!!

-Esme!! I always remember her being an underutilized character, let’s see if I was right though!

-Idk why but I hate mentions of food, esp greasy foods in books, makes me ick a lot idk I’m weird

-“Well, she could learn self-control tomorrow. Today she wanted pizza.” ICONIC LINE!! Such a mood!

-Luigi mario :)

-Elegy of scythes are back!!!

-Oh Esme there’s gonna be *so* many mass gleanings later on you have NO idea

-VOLTA

-Esme you’re life is gonna be FUCKED GIRL YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!

-A utopia where everything is perfect would be boring, most ppls lives in Scythe are boring, that’s what I think makes Scythe interesting compared to other dystopian books because its a utopia that turns into a dystopian whilst giving ideas of how that utopia itself was already a dystopia even if it wasn’t a tradition one

-Shorter chapter! Still good tho, not as interesting as others however

—

CHAPTER 10!!!!!

-TYGER!!

-Rowan you’re scaring people—

-Rowan’s disobedience is what makes him soooo interesting to me mam!!

-Lmao Rowan is worried about Tyger stealing Citra, already getting jealous!

-Apparently ppl ship Citra and Tyger which…I don’t see??? At all????

-We get some more Citra-Rowan interactions!! Very nice!!! Makes my Citran heart happy <3

-Emo-Nanites <3

-“We are not the same beings we once were. So then, if we are no longer human, what are we?” UGH ANOTHER GOOD LINE!!

-Another short chapter though not as short as the last one! Liked it more than the last though!

—

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG, but here’s the next 5 chapters, those last two chapters didn’t have much but everything else was great as always!! Next time we’ll be doing chapters 11-15! Hope you’ll join me for it!!!