#Only you can be upset about losing your (unborn mind you) child??? what???

[anothermonikan]

Guys not to be judgemental but like. does Saw get good again. genuinely.

[munchcorner]

Keigo visits the Todoroki estate often. But it’s not for Touya.

Touya would’ve loved Keigo’s visits if he were there for him. But he isn’t. He’s there for Fuyumi. Since Keigo accompanied Fuyumi to go clothes shopping, Keigo began doing everything for her. He’ll visit their estate and give Fuyumi random baby materials, from bottles, clothes, toys, and cribs. Keigo also gets most of her pregnancy cravings. He always does his best for Fuyumi, and sometimes it feels like he’s the father of her child.

Of course, Touya’s happy his boyfriend and sister are getting along. But it makes him feel jealous and insecure when Keigo’s constantly with Fuyumi.

“Keigo,” Touya calls, making Fuyumi and Keigo turn to him.

“Touya! Look at this! The pajama looks cute, doesn’t it?” Keigo says, showing Touya the tiny pajama he bought. Keigo’s smile is bright as he continues to ramble about the other stuff he bought.

Touya remains staring, not reacting to Keigo’s excitement. Keigo notices. He gives Fuyumi the pajama and walks toward Touya.

“Is there something wrong?” Keigo asks.

Touya immediately nods, “I need to talk to you about something,” he says and walks ahead.

“Can’t we talk later? I need to help Fuyumi fix the nursery,” Keigo can’t help but glance at the nursery as he follows Touya.

“Her husband can do that,” Touya says, then signals Fuyumi’s husband to go to her. Keigo nods and silently follows.

Keigo fidgets as they enter Touya’s room in silence. It’s been a while since Keigo has seen Touya this upset. He racks his brain, thinking of what could make Touya act this way.

“Touya, can’t you tell me what’s wrong? The silence is making me lose my mind,” Keigo pleads after Touya sits on the bed and silently stares at Keigo.

“I need you to stop visiting Fuyumi,”

Keigo freezes at Touya’s words. He didn’t expect it.

“What?” Keigo asks, making sure he heard him right, “why?”

Touya clenches his jaw, “since you went shopping together, all your attention has been on her and her child.”

Keigo scoffs in disbelief. “Shouldn’t you be happy that I’m supportive of her? Don’t tell me you’re jealous of an unborn child?”

Touya grits his teeth, “what if I am? Keigo, I’m your boyfriend, but you’ve visited my sister more than me. There’s nothing wrong with giving her gifts or helping her with her cravings, but you’re acting like the child’s father.”

Keigo doesn’t say anything. He presses his lips together and reflects on Touya’s words.

“The child’s father is here. He should be doing everything you’re doing, but he can’t do anything because you’ve been hogging Fuyumi to yourself.” Touya says. Keigo can feel the rage in Touya’s voice as he speaks. “Not only are you taking the father’s role from him, but you’ve also been neglecting me.”

“I…” Keigo can’t refute Touya’s words.

“You come here often, but how long do you stay with me? When we’re together, all you talk about is Fuyumi and the child. I don’t remember the last time we kissed, nor you told me you loved me. You don’t have time to go out with me because of your busy schedule, but you have time to look for Fuyumi’s peculiar cravings. So, tell me, how can I not feel jealous?” Touya says in one breath.

“I’m sorry,” Keigo quickly apologizes. He bites his bottom lip and stares at the floor, “I didn’t notice. I’m sorry.”

Touya purses his lips and stands up. Keigo watches as he walks toward his drawer.

“I’ve always wanted to marry you, y’know?” Touya says.

Keigo’s eyes grow wide. He gulps and stares at Touya walking toward him with a ring box in his hand. He can feel his heart racing as he watches Touya walk towards him.

“I’ve been sure I want to see you walk down the aisle. But after everything that’s happened lately, I don’t know if I still want to marry you.”

Keigo’s heart shatters. He feels something prickling his eyes as he stares at Touya.

“Touya,” Keigo says. He has a lot to say but can’t find the right words.

Touya remains silent while Keigo takes his hands in his. He watches as tears stream down Keigo’s cheeks. He wants to apologize and wipes those tears away, but he remains still.

“Touya, I’m sorry. I promise I’ll keep my distance from Fuyumi.” Keigo continues to sob as he pleads, “Please don’t break up with me.”

Keigo prepares to kneel, but Touya stops him before his knees even touch the floor. Touya stares at Keigo with pity as he pulls him up.

“I’m sorry,” Touya apologizes. He pulls Keigo into a hug and rubs his back while continuously apologizing.

“I’m sorry for what I said, but it’s how I genuinely feel.” Touya whispers, “After seeing you so excited taking care of Fuyumi, I can’t help but doubt if I should marry you.”

“Why? I love you,” Keigo says and hugs Touya tighter.

“I know. But I can’t help but think about the fact that I can’t give you a family. You look so happy caring for Fuyumi that it made me think it’ll be unfair to you if I strip away your chances of having a family if I marry you.” Touya explains. Keigo raises his head to stare at Touya, “I can’t get you pregnant. If I marry you, you won’t experience buying clothes, cribs, bottles, and stuff for your baby.”

“What made you think that I want a baby?” Keigo asks. He wipes his tears away but doesn’t let go of the hug.

“Your interactions with Fuyumi in the past few months,” Touya says. He looks at the floor to avert Keigo’s eyes.

“I did that because I was excited for your sister. You know I don’t talk to my parents, right?” Keigo asks.

“Of course, I know. I also know you’ve always wanted to feel like you belong to a family. That’s why I introduced you to mine.” Touya answers.

Keigo smiles. “Well, it worked. I feel like your family is my family. But it seems like I got carried away. I was so excited when Fuyumi asked for help. She always helps me to surprise you. She tells me how to make up with you after a fight. She also gives me great advice when I don’t know what to do. So, when she asked me for help with her pregnancy, I thought it was a chance to give back to her. But it seems I went overboard.”

Touya nods, “you did.”

Keigo rolls his eyes. But despite doing that, he genuinely says, “Thank you for telling me. I promise I’ll only help her when she needs it.”

“That’s good to hear,” Touya says, then kisses Keigo’s forehead.

Keigo smiles and looks up at Touya, “does this mean that ring’s still mine?” he asks and points at the ring box in Touya’s hand.

Touya laughs in disbelief after Keigo asks such a shameless question. He shoves the ring box into Keigo’s chest and walks away. “It is. But don’t blame me if you suddenly want to build a family, and I can’t give it to you.”

“I already have you and your family. That’s enough for me. Put the ring on my finger,” Keigo excitedly says, then puts out his hand.

“Wipe your snot first,” Touya says, then laughs after throwing a handkerchief at Keigo’s face.

Keigo glares at him but still blows his nose before showing his hand to Touya again. Touya walks to Keigo, then takes the ring box from Keigo’s hand. As he slips the ring on Keigo’s finger, he leans in to whisper into Keigo’s ear, “It’d be great if I could impregnate you, though.”

Touya pulls away and laughs at Keigo’s flustered expression. Keigo bites his lip and hits Touya’s chest, yelling, “You fucking pervert!”

[look-at-the-soul]

The Photoshoot (Part 28)

Cillian Murphy

Series master list

I hope you have a good time reading, some the blank spaces about her accident are explained here ✨🥰

Cillian stared at the front door, feeling sick… partly caused for the drinks he had last night, partly for Yael’s words. His heart sank and his body didn’t react.

Was this really happening?

He had been so focused in his own stress that he never realized Yael was reaching her limit. He did know the date and time for her exhibition, of course it was important to him, but in his head, they would be able to make it on time, he would never make her feel that her job wasn’t important, not on purpose at least.

He had been trying to make the right thing for both, Yael and the mother of his unborn child and in the end, he ended up failing Yael terribly.

Reaching for his phone, he tried calling her but the line went dead after two tones.

She must’ve been really mad if she changed her flight a day ahead of what was originally planned. The headache he felt for the night he had was nothing compared to the ache in his heart. He couldn’t lose her.

So instead, he called the airline to change his flight, he still could make it on time and meet Yael there, he would apologize in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, the flight was full and all passengers did their check in, the rest of the flights for that day were full as well, his only option was to take a seat in the first flight on Saturday probably the seat she left. It was better than nothing, right?

Now he would need to call Erin to let her know he wouldn’t go with her to the scan.

As he tried again to call her, he wasn’t able to reach Yael. Looking around, the house felt empty without the sound of her voice and her laugh filling every room, every corner of his soul. Sighing, he called his brother to ask him to keep an eye on the house.

“Go get your bag Scout, we’re going to London.”

———

“It’s not my exhibition Mum, my photograph is part of an exhibition.” Yael pointed out as her mum was chatting about the event. She was so proud of her work and was her biggest cheerleader, she liked to praise how good photographer she was. Yael was touched by her mother’s gesture.

“Well, I don’t care! Your photograph is going to be there for everybody to see.”

Her Mum went to the salon to get her nails done and picked a black and white design to match her daughter’s photograph, she was so close to dress Cruella de Vil style to show off. She was overwhelmed with the support.

Bryan walked to get a glass of water to take his pain killers, his finger was so much better now. As he was there, his daughter’s screen lighted up with messages and missed calls.

You’re my priority today and forever. It read

I’m really sorry… please call me back. Was the second text.

I love you more than words can express. Followed by: Waiting at the airport, please tell me where are you.

It won’t happen again, ever. I don’t want to lose you.

“Where are you going?” Isla asked, Yael didn’t notice, her mind was thinking of Cillian. Was that it between them?

“Oh, go to the exhibition without me, a friend locked himself out, I’m going to pick him up and see you there.”

“Doug forgot the keys again?” Isla looked at her husband.

***

As Yael’s dad picked him up at the airport, Cillian asked what happened. Bryan then explained that without intention, he accidentally read some of the texts on his daughter’s phone and she refused to take the calls, explaining it was from the bank when clearly it was ‘Scout’s Dad’ as she had saved Cillian’s number and their photo, Bryan understood something was happening. He didn’t want explanations, whatever had happened between them must be fixed between them, but he did might have a slightly idea, because the only thing that could upset his daughter that much was something related to alcohol.

As Bryan drove away from the airport, he handled Cillian a newspaper, it had a full front shot of a wrecked vehicle.

Cillian stopped breathing as he read Yael’s name on the article it stated that she broke the car windshield and flew a couple of meters, she was taken to the closest hospital in a critical condition and according to the first medical reports she would need several surgeries to recover. Her father, Mr. Malik was arrested for driving while drinking and that’s when Bryan explained to him, that he wasn’t her biological father, that Yael probably didn’t bother to explain him that part since to her, he was the only father figure she knew. He now knew that because of that, no one in the family drink alcohol, especially around Yael, who was forced to spend months in bed and went through several surgeries and therapy to be able to recover and start walking again. Bryan told him he figured he didn’t know about it because during the Easter brunch he asked if they were hiding the Guinness as well as the eggs.

“And her father never came back?” He couldn’t believe the story.

Bryan shook his head. “After he was released from jail, Isla expected he would run to the hospital, but he never did, they went to live to the cottage as soon as Yael was able to go home and she waited for him to show up every single day until Isla decided it was time to fill for divorce. We got married over a year later, Yael was able to walk again by then.”

“I didn’t know any of this.”

“She should’ve told you, if you ask me, but we all deal with our demons in a different way.”

The rest of the drive was filled with small talk, but Cillian’s mind was still processing the information he just learned about Yael. Silently, he slapped himself for putting her through this, his actions had hurt her a lot with the one thing he now knew caused her the biggest pain in the past.

He didn’t want make her cry or feel that alcohol was more important than her like her father made her feel.

***

Sighing, Yael got up from the bed, she was sharing the room with Violet while her parents were sleeping in the room she would be decorating for her baby. Her boyfriend was away in a business trip. Looking at the clothes hanging, she really didn’t want to get dressed, this moment was her ultimate dream, the one she thought she would be sharing with Cillian, and now, every time she took a deep breath, her whole body ached. This meant close to nothing if she couldn’t share it him.

She had been so angry every time her phone announced she had a message from him, this couldn’t be solved over the phone, but she couldn’t find the courage to talk to him. Walking into the bathroom, she heard voices downstairs, her Mum was so happy with the news of the baby, Violet was like a daughter to her too.

A knock on the door brought her out of her daydream, more likely her misery.

“I’m almost ready, Vi… just looking for my earrings.” She replied without looking at who was at the door.

“I’m taking your parents in my car, but there’s my boyfriend’s car for you, it looks like your boyfriend wasn’t so sick.” Violet pointed out and closed the door of the room.

Yael looked at him and part of her wanted to throw herself into his arms, the other part wanted to kick him out of the room.

“Nothing I can say will change what I did… but I want you to know how sorry I am for going out to drink, I should’ve stayed with you…” his words were interrupted when the door flew open.

“Sorry! This one wouldn’t stand still.” Scout stormed inside, running immediately into Yael.

“Scout!” The black lab ran in circles around her, barking, excited, tongue out, making little sounds as if he was crying. Yael tried to stop him until he let out a tired sigh and stopped running around, allowing her to rub his belly.

“Is it bad I’m jealous of the way he managed to make you smile and not me?” He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“He doesn’t make me cry.” Yael kissed Scout’s nose. “He doesn’t choose to go out drinking over me.”

Cillian looked away and swallowed hard.

“I’m so sorry… I’ve never meant to make you feel like that.” She heard his words but didn’t look at him. “If I knew then what you’ve been through, I’d never go out drinking and no, I’m not blaming you for not telling me about the accident, it was still the wrong thing to do… but you need to know this, you’re the most important person in my life and I’m sorry that you went through all of that.”

Sitting on the floor, she seemed to be letting his words sink in, while her nails scratched Scout’s back.

“It’s not your fault, you didn’t know.”

Her guard wasn’t up anymore, so he decided to sit on the floor with them, Scout in the middle.

“Not knowing doesn’t mean I can hurt you.” He deliberately brushed his fingers against her hand and waited for her reaction. “I asked my brother to take all the booze from our house, he’s never been so happy at me.”

Yael stayed quiet, not knowing what to do or say.

“I love you, Yael… I don’t want to lose you. Made a terrible mistake, it won’t happen again, you’re my priority for the rest of my life and you’ll never see me drunk again. But I need you to trust me, just like you share the good times and the success, I want to be part of the darkness, the hard times, the things that break you.”

Cillian saw an almost imperceptible nod, and one of her fingers wiping her left eye. In seconds, he was on her, his arms wrapped around Yael, she returned the tight embrace. Scout finally moved to rest close to her legs and Cillian took the opportunity to bring her close to his body.

“I felt so lonely.” She sobbed against his neck.

Cillian held her a little bit tighter, rocking their bodies gently and kissing her hair. “I know baby, I know… I’m sorry I made you feel like that.”

“I’d ask you myself to go to the appointment for your baby’s scan bu-”

Placing a finger against her lips, his free hand caressing her cheek. “We’re a team, I should’ve asked you first.”

“No, no you don’t have to ask me, it’s your baby but I was so worried for the exhibition and with you gone that night, I got so angry and rushed to change my flight without telling you… I’m sorry too.”

Cillian tried a couple of times to interrupt her, to tell her she didn’t need to apologize, but Yael knew they both made mistakes.

“Promise me the next time you feel like it’s too much, you’re going to talk to me, alright?” He held Yael’s face between his hands.

Cillian saw her nodding “I love you.” She whispered.

“I love you more, please forgive me.”

“Should’ve tell you about the accident.”

Cillian shook his head. “Doesn’t matter now.” His hand was running up and down her back. “Bryan said you had several surgeries and spent months in bed.”

“It was a really hard time for everybody, but my Mum… she went through a divorce because my father left her when she needed him the most.”

“You needed him too.”

“She gave me the strength I needed and when she met Bryan, she started to smile again.”

“He cares about you like a real father.”

“He was a widower back then, didn’t have children with his wife and overnight, five kids appeared in his life.” Yael smiled at the memories. “He helped me to walk again and asked for my blessing to marry my Mum later.”

“Can we make a compromise?” Cillian asked taking her hands in his. “Just like that photograph you took of the eldest couple… the black and white shoot. They didn’t go to sleep angry with the other one. I want that, nothing should ever get in between us, nothing should be more important than our love.”

Yael pulled him for a kiss. Unable to form words.

“I mean there will be times when we drive each other nuts, but I don’t ever want to go to bed feeling angry with you.” She caressed his face, there were worry lines on his forehead and a stubble over his jaw.

“You know you’re the most important everything in my life right?” He wanted to make sure she understood.

Yael nodded. “Just like you’re to me.” Cillian kissed Yael’s forehead. “Thank you for coming.”

“Go get changed. It’s your night.”

While she got ready, Cillian pinched the bridge of his nose and then rubbed his face, just the mere idea of losing her made him feel miserable, he wasn’t going to take another chance. He admired her courage and drive, the way she saw life and how she gave everyone in the room her unconditional love.

Coming out a couple of minutes later, she was wearing the most eye-catching one piece suit, Cillian wasn’t sure of the color, it might look like a mix between yellow and green, but it was so fitting for her features, it hugged every curve of her body perfectly.

Yael matched her colorful outfit with big turquoise statement earrings.

“You look so beautiful.” Cillian couldn’t believe the sight in front of him. “I think you just got prettier.”

Blushing, she thanked him and sprayed perfume, driving him crazy. “If this wasn’t your exhibition, I’d have you naked by now.”

“You’ll have to wait after the exhibition.” She teased.

Cillian knew her family organized a surprise dinner, so he knew it wasn’t happening.

“That’s why I booked the hotel room for the whole week.”

Surprised, Yael looked at him and stole a quick kiss, checking afterwards that the lipstick didn’t transfer.

Cillian stopped her before she could keep walking. He was still thinking how close he was to lose her.

“I’ve been thinking.” She looked at Cillian, her fingers running through his hair. “When things are more settled… I would like to start a family with you.” Yael gasped as he took her hands in his. “We’ll get married first of course. I know it’s early, that’s why I’m not proposing right now, just bringing the conversation to the table… with the baby and my career it will never be the right time. I just hope we get to do it on our own time just like everything else. If this is what you want too.”

He knew this was the only thing he really wanted. If it was for him, he would get married immediately.

“Of course, I want our relationship to go into that direction… I’d love to share our lives.”

“You’ve seen some of the hardest part of my life, I want to share the very best with you as well.”

Yael kissed him with all her heart.

Looking at him, she realized how Bryan, her dad had set the bar so high, he had showed her exactly what she wouldn’t tolerate in a man, how to be treated, what she deserved, what she should expect from a man. And she wasn’t going to accept anything less than that.

After the argument, Cillian tried to talk to her, explaining over a message how he couldn’t catch the next flight because it was full. When she left, he went after her, he was also promising to never drink like that again understanding what she had been through. Thinking about it, she couldn’t imagine sharing her life with anyone else. Cillian was the man she wanted her children to have as role model, he was the one she wanted to see first thing in the morning when she woke up.

“Everything, I want to see everything with you.”

Walking into the Gallery, Cillian squeezed her hand as they found their way to her family; her eyes glowing at the sight of the people she loved the most… her parents, brothers and their partners, the eldest kids, and her friends Lee-Anne, Dean, Kayla the stylist who helped in previous shootings and Vassilis. Turning around, she found her photograph hanging from the wall illuminated by a direct light. Underneath it, a small card with the detailed information.

She couldn’t describe how it felt to see her work in a Gallery, people looking at it, talking about it. She felt like she could cry out of happiness.

The antithesis of life. Yael Lieberman (2014). B&W portrait.

“Mr. Lieberman we’re looking for Miss Yael.”

Cillian frowned when he listened to the woman who approached the family.

“Bryan is Bryan Lieberman?” He whispered into her ear.

Yael nodded. “When I turned sixteen, I asked him to become my legal father.”

She loved him dearly, it was the least she could do, and he had cried for several minutes when she showed him the adoption papers.

“Baby girl.” Bryan interrupted them. “They want to know if you would reconsider listing the photograph for sale? There’s an anonymous bid for three times it’s value.”

“Three?!” She gasped in shock. Her eyes searching for advice in her fathers gaze. She was fighting an internal debate, she was hoping she could keep the photograph.

“Did you by any chance changed your name to anonymous in the last hours?” Vassilis questioned Cillian narrowing his eyes.

But he didn’t have a chance to answer him as his phone rang.

“No, it’s alright I can it pick up once the exhibition is over.” Cillian replied as Yael folded her arms in front of him. With a wink an a smile, he ended the call. “I’m glad you accepted the offer, I had a six time it’s value budget.”

“This is ridiculous you can’t buy my photograph.”

“I knew you would say that, that’s why I did the offer anonymously.” Cillian saw her trying to fight the smile forming in her lips. “I’m now the legal owner of this piece of art.”

“But…”

“Stop whining! Just kiss him.” One of her sisters in law called.

Yael blushed embarrassed with the cheering around them. But she let Cillian pull her in for a kiss.

“That’s why I asked you to leave an empty wall for me remember?” Cillian confessed with a playful smile.

Yael remembered one of the days when they were decorating their new house…

(Flashback)

“I want you to hang your photos in every single wall, don’t left an empty spot, promise?” His arms hugged her from behind.

“But this place is huge! And the style doesn’t fit the architecture of the house.”

Cillian kept shaking his head. “I don’t care, that’s irrelevant, pick the photographs and place you want for my own personal home gallery or I’ll do it myself, and you know I will.” He chuckled. “Just leave the wall by the foyer for me, I’ll take care of that one.”

****

Remember if you like this story, let me know! 🥰

[agent-whiskeys-sweetheart]

I was wondering if you could do a game of thrones preferences of the reacting to you having a miscarriage. I know this could be triggering so you don't have to do it.

Thank you for the request lovely. I hope that this finds you well.  

Jaime - Jaime would blame himself for what happened. No matter how much you reassure him that he was not responsible, he would still blame himself for what happened to you. In his mind it would be about his inability to protect you. He would stay by your side every waking moment after that. He would never let you go anywhere alone, afraid that something else might happen to you. When he finally does confront the reality that you lost your baby he would break down in tears, laying in your arms as you both cry for hours. 

Sandor - Sandor would show no emotion about the event but he would be secretly broken hearted. At first you’d be really angry that it seems like he doesn’t care but in the end it’s just because he doesn’t show emotions very well. In reality he would be so upset. When you’d first told him you were pregnant he was terrified to be a father. However he would grow to love your unborn baby and he would find more confidence in himself as a future father only to have it all taken away by tragedy. It would completely break his heart. 

Petyr - Petyr would be confused as to what happened. Petyr Baelish is the kind of man who needs to be in control of his surroundings. He wants to know what’s going on so his way of coping with the information is to try and figure out what happened. He would read up on miscarriages and how they can happen just to see if there’s some kind of explanation for how it could have happened. In the end, he makes peace with the fact that it has happened and it can’t be reversed. Then he’d be there for you until you both begin to heal. 

Jon - Jon would be totally numb after hearing the news. Jon would very fully go through all the steps of the grieving process except at the end isn’t acceptance. It’s numbness. He wouldn’t know what to do or say to help you. He would just be at a total loss. He would feel lonely because he would feel like the only person who understands his pain is you and he’s afraid to be with you because he doesn’t have any idea how to help comfort you. He would completely isolate and spend a lot of time alone until he starts feeling like himself again. 

Robb - Robb would be a mess. He would be completely broken over what happened. To Robb, the idea of having a child with you is the peak of his love for you. So when you tell him that you’ve miscarried it breaks his absolute heart. He wanted nothing more than to bring a child into the world with you and when he learns you’ve lost that, he is in pieces. He would cry for a good long while, allowing himself the time to recover. Once he’s had his moment he is by your side, telling you how sorry he is and how much he loves you no matter what.

Tywin - Tywin would be shocked but he would maintain his composure. Tywin is a planner. He likes to have a plan for the future, including the future of your child. When you lose your child he switches from being in the mode of planning for your baby to nothing very suddenly. Being so practical he would suddenly start planning for what to do now that you’ve lost your child. It’s just his way of coping with the hardship, not knowing any other way to help than to use his logic and good sense to try and straighten things out.

Bronn - Bronn would be in absolute shock when you tell him. For Bronn the idea of being a father was a scary enough thought all on its own. It would take him a while to become comfortable with the idea that he was really going to be a father. However, eventually he does come around and he even gets excited about the prospect. So when you tell him that you lost the baby it is like everything comes to a screeching halt for him. He doesn’t know how to react, what to say or do. He’s at a total loss for words until he comes back to reality. 

Jorah - Jorah would be downright nauseous when you tell him. He would immediately hug you, telling you how sorry he is and how he wishes that he could change things. He would go through a roller coaster of emotions throughout the process. At times he would be overflowing with love for you. During other times he would be inconsolably depressed. Sometimes he would be so angry at the world. Other times he would be filled with anxiety at the prospect of something else happening. He would be a mess. 

Ramsay - Ramsay would immediately think someone did something to make you miscarry. He would be furious, demanding to know who hurt you to make something so awful happen. When you tell him that it’s nobody’s fault, that it just happened, he would be confused. However he would stay more angry than anything. Angry at himself for not protecting you, angry at the world, angry at the gods. Eventually he would see you cry over the loss and that would be what brings him back to reality when he comes to comfort you. 

Stannis - Stannis would be by your side at all times. As soon as you tell him, his thoughts would be with you from that very first moment. Making sure that you aren’t too badly hurt, comforting you, getting you anything you need to help you make the transition. You are the love of his life and he would want you to be well taken care of after something so traumatic. Once he knows you’re okay he would allow himself a moment in private to mourn but he would recover fairly quickly for your sake. No matter what, he wants you taken care of. 

Oberyn - Oberyn would be devastated. Oberyn loves you with all of his heart and he would want a child with you more than anything so when you tell him that you miscarried he would be really disappointed. He would want to be by your side all the time, offering anything that he can to comfort you. I think that as much as he is saddened by it he knows that you’re feeling worse and he wants to be there for you as much as he possibly can. He would spoil and pamper you endlessly just for a chance to see you smile at him again. 

Sansa - Sansa would turn to her spirituality. She would be so broken up without knowing anything to do other than to pray. She would think about what her mother and father would do if they were in her place and that leads her to the old weirwood tree at Winterfell. She would pray to the old gods for strength and guidance and the ability to take care of you in your time of need. It would be the only thing, other than you, to bring her comfort about what happened. She would pray over you every night as well to help you feel at peace. 

Dany - Dany would want to try to fix things to the best of her ability after you tell her. She would want to make you feel better as well as herself. She would bring you anything you could possibly need or want to help cheer you up. She’d tell you stories, sing songs, laugh with you. All to make you feel better about what happened. However she knows first hand that it isn’t that simple. You need time to mourn. Eventually you would tell her that by asking for some time to grieve and she would join you, taking time to mourn your baby.

Brienne - Brienne would bury herself in work when you tell her about what has happened. She would be really sad and the two of you would spend some time alone together, crying and just feeling your feelings. Eventually though she wouldn’t be able to take it anymore and she would make up some excuse about work. She would dive head first into some random project so that she has something to do to make her feel like she’s being useful. She would feel so helpless that she would want to do something she’s good at to do meanwhile.

Margaery - Margaery would be very panicked when you tell her that you miscarried. She would immediately be on ultra alert mode. She would be scared that you would get hurt again. She would be terrified that the process hurt you. She would constantly check up on you to ask you if you’re hurting or if you need anything. Everything would make her jump after she hears the news, simply unable to cope with the stress of day to day life. She wouldn’t know what to do with herself and she wouldn’t know how to comfort you either.

[yourmidnightlover]

all my fault

Request: spencer and y/n are married, and they’ve been trying to have kids, and then she finds out she’s pregnant. a few weeks into the pregnancy, she has a miscarriage, and at the hospital the doctor said it’s bc she had an abortion as a teenager, and it fucked up her it yet us. spencer didn’t know she had an abortion, and blames her for the death of the baby, and they end up sleeping separately for a while and they have to grieve by themselves. spencer ends up talking to emily about it bc of her experience and it has a comforting ending!

Summary: when reader has a miscarriage after trying to have a baby with spencer, and things about her past are revealed and leaves things rocky within their relationship.

CW: miscarriage, pregnancy, mention of abortion, spencer’s rly harsh at first, teenage pregnancy, mentions of surgery, a cervix condition that i kinda made up, depressive thoughts, negative self-worth, HAPPY ENDING. *please let me know if i’ve missed anything*

A/N: i’ve been working on coming up with a series, which i posted last thursday! i’m sorry i haven’t been as consistent with my schedule, this summer has really taken a toll on my mental health and school is about to start back up. i promise i’m not quitting writing, but my writing might become a bit more sporadic in terms of my posting schedule. i’m still not sure if i like how i’ve executed this piece, so please let me know what you think!

IMPORTANT A/N: this contains serious topics centered around pregnancy and abortion. reader end up blaming herself and it is a very triggering subject to some. if you aren’t comfortable with those kinds of depressive thoughts PLEASE DONT READ. i don’t want anyone to be triggered by my writing. your mental health matters. you matter. do not read if your sensitive to the subject matter, please!

———————————————————————

when you and spencer checked the third pregnancy test and saw those two, very clear lines on the stick, you felt an unbelievable amount of joy.

“oh my god,” you clamped your hand over your mouth, your eyes welling with tears.

“y/n…” he held his breath, holding your free hand with both of his own.

“you’re gonna be a dad,” you huffed out a laugh as his arms flew around you.

“and you’re gonna be a mom! we’re gonna have our own little family,” he cheered as he breathed in your scent, elated from the news he had hoped for since you said ‘i do.’

spencer had wanted to be a father since he met henry, you remember how attached he was to the child who wasn’t even his own. you hadn’t always wanted children, only when you were absolutely ready for them. now, you were more than ready.

your arms flew around spencer’s neck as his went around your waist. he dropped to his knees and began pressing kisses against a bump that wasn’t even visible yet, praising you and your body for carrying his child.

because it was so hard for you to get pregnant, spencer decided to baby you every chance he got. you didn’t do the dishes or sweep, you weren’t allowed to reach for high shelves or even step on a chair to do so. he was worried about you and the baby, so you let him. you found it endearing.

the perfect man that you married was so worried about the little bean inside of you, worried for your safety, that it drove him a bit mad. who were you to complain? each time he’d do one of the new little quirks like not letting you lift anything above 10 pounds, you just smiled to yourself and brushed it off.

being pregnant was something that you had lost hope for, in all honesty. spencer had been talking to a few friends who had adopted children prior to finding out you were pregnant. if this hadn’t worked out, the two of you were going to look into adoption.

spencer had planned your doctors appointment for 6 weeks after your last period. the appointment was in three days. and then the perfect outline you had for your future went down in crumbles.

you had been having pains in your lower abdomen, and you figured it was just because you were pregnant. you went to the bathroom like you normally would when you felt queasy, kneeling by the toilet in preparation for what was to come. only nothing came.

you decided to just go pee and get back to bed. there was a pain that wasn’t like you’d felt before when you were peeing, like someone had been pulling your intestines out of your body. when you looked down, you felt your stomach drop.

“spencer!” you cried out. “spencer, hurry!” you felt tears well in your eyes until he ran up beside you. his hand was on your thigh as the other one was trying to steady your shaking hand.

“what is… oh,” he looked in the toilet to see blood inside of it.

“spencer… what happened? i don’t know what happened. everything was doing so well and the baby-we just found out and now they’re-wh-what’s gonna happen?” you rambled out, unsure of how something this horrific happened so quickly.

“i-i don’t know, my love,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “i don’t know. but we’ll go to the hospital right now, okay? we’ll get answers.”

you just nodded. you couldn’t speak anymore. you felt your throat closing in on yourself. you cleaned yourself up and got dressed. even looking in the mirror with spencer’s arms around you, you didn’t feel anything but guilt and worry.

spencer’s touch would usually be something to ease your mind and take away the thoughts of everything else around you. only this was something wrong inside of you. you were the problem this time. and you didn’t think anything could fix this feeling.

“let’s get to the hospital, yea?” you nodded as he held onto your hand, trying to ground you to himself as he guided you to the car.

you were silent the entire drive to the doctor. there was nothing to say. there was nothing to do. there was just… nothing. you were numb.

“hey,” he spoke up, “we don’t know what happened yet. there’s a chance it’s just a fluke, right? the baby might be okay.”

“what’re the statistics, spencer? tell them to me,” you ordered as tears flowed from your eyes.

“y/n…”

“tell me! why don’t you want me to know?!” you accused him, looking over at the man driving as he but his lower lip. “1 in 4 women who experience bleeding during a pregnancy are fine. 25 percent. the other 75 percent of people have either a miscarriage or serious complications. those are the statistics.”

“y/n…” he sighed, “it’s not your fault. you didn’t want this to happen. besides, there’s still a 25 percent chance that nothings wrong.”

“whatever,” you rolled your eyes and opted to look out of the window for the remainder of the drive to the hospital.

-

“alright,” the doctor entered the room. “we have the results from the test and we’ve examined the ultrasound pictures. i’m so sorry, but you’ve had a miscarriage.”

what were you supposed to feel? an overwhelming sense of sorrow? like a failure? like the one thing you wanted most in the world fell through?

“how-how did this happen?” you spoke through the tears. “we were so-we were careful. i didn’t lift heavy objects, i didn’t do repetitive motions, i just… we tried so hard to make this work,” you shook your head in disapproval, as if you wouldn’t accept the answer that had already been proven to you.

“there’s proof of an abortion when you were a teenager. there was severe damage done to your cervix that wasn’t assessed pre-pregnancy. now, we can repair the damage within the next two months, but it will still be difficult to become pregnant after the surgery,” the female informed you.

“then what’s the point of getting the surgery?” you scoffed, looking at spencer who was just staring off in space.

“while getting pregnant will still be difficult, maintaining the pregnancy is much more likely. the fetus would be more protected and secure after the surgery,” she explained with a pitiful smile, you couldn’t help but wonder how she could smile after giving you the worst news of your life.

“right,” you nodded curtly, allowing her to sense the mood of the conversation.

“i’ll leave you two be. i’m so sorry for your loss,” she gave the both of you a pitiful smile before exiting the room, the only sound audible being the closing of the door.

it didn’t feel real. it felt as though you were in a nightmare. only this time, you wouldn’t wake in spencer’s comforting arms. you wouldn’t hear the soft soothing voice of the man you love trying to calm you down. you wouldn’t feel the solace he would provide by merely being himself in your proximity.

the drive home was eerily quiet. there was an inkling of animosity between you. looking over at spencer in the driver’s seat, he had a dead look on his face, the only sign of previous emotion being his red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks. he didn’t even look like your spencer. he looked like a stranger in the drivers seat with a cold expression that you could barely read.

you knew this was something you should talk about. when the nurse came back in the room it was only to offer a few referrals go therapists that specialized in this kind of grief. clearly, any couple should talk about losing an unborn baby. but you knew that’s not what spencer was truly upset about.

you waited until you shut the door to your apartment before saying anything.

“maybe we should talk about it?” you whispered, not knowing how he’d react.

“about what? the fact that you’ve lied to me for our entire relationship?!” he wouldn’t even turn around to face you. “i thought we were in this together, y/n. we aren’t supposed to keep secrets from each other - especially not any that just killed our child!”

“hey…” you winced at his words. “why would you say that?”

“that’s the truth! your choices when you were a teenager just killed our child! my child!” he finally turned to face you, and you wished he hadn’t.

“do you think i knew they would botch my abortion, spencer?! do you think that’s what i wanted?!” you stepped closer to him, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“i don’t know what you want anymore, y/n,” he shook his head, clearly exasperated.

“i want you. i want to get the surgery to fix my cervix. i want to grieve our child. i still want kids… with you, spencer,” you tried to ease the mood, calm him down. you reached your hand out to cup his cheek before he dodged your touch, afraid of touching you. “but you don’t want that?” you whispered so quiet, too afraid of the answer to raise your voice.

“i-“ he sighed and bit his lower lip. “i don’t know.”

“right. of course you don’t,” you shook your head before sitting on the couch, dropping your face in your hands.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” he scoffed as he took off his coat.

“it means that: of course, you’re making this about you! it can’t be about us grieving our loss together like the doctor recommended?!” you peeked between your hands at the man you still didn’t recognize.

“maybe we shouldn’t grieve together since we can’t even have a conversation without getting angry at one another,” he tried to reason.

“the only reason i’m getting mad is because you’re blaming me for my baby’s death,” you spat back at the doctor before you.

“because it’s your fault!” he stood strong in his belief. “when you were a teenager, did you or did you not have an abortion?”

“i did,” you admitted.

“and the nurse said that in said abortion, they screwed your cervix up! if you didn’t have that abortion, our child would still be alive! we would be on our way to become happy parents!” he accused, rubbing salt in the already stinging wound. “it’s your fucking fault!”

“stop saying that,” you shook your head and dropped it back in your hands, trying to hide the tears that began to flow down your face.

“it is, y/n! i can’t believe you’re even trying to say this isn’t!” he chuckled, clearly getting under your skin.

“shut up, spencer!”

“i can’t, y/n!” he sat in the chair across from you before standing back up, too hyper to sit. “no wonder it was so hard for you to get pregnant.”

“spencer,” you begged him to stop, meeting his face with your teary eyes.

“y/n,” he stared you in the eyes, and you saw a glimpse of the man you loved for a second before he retreated to the bedroom.

you sat on the couch in confusion of what had just occurred.

when you were 15, you’re boyfriend was adamant about taking your relationship “to the next step.” you didn’t think you were ready to have sex, but you wanted him to stay with you. so, you gave in. it just so happened to be that you were one of the lucky girls that ends up getting pregnant her first time in spite of birth control and a condom. you couldn’t tell your mom about your pregnancy, she’d have your head on a pole.

so, you earned enough money from your job to get an abortion yourself. you went to a clinic and had your boyfriend’s mom come with you to sign as your guardian. was it smart to get an abortion that cheap? probably not. but you had no other choice. your mom had made it abundantly clear that if she caught you fooling around with him that she’d kick you out.

you were 15. you were young and still had to finish high school. there was no support system for you. you would’ve been on the streets with a little baby - not to mention the amount of debt you’d go into for just giving birth to a child in a hospital. it was the only choice.

and now you were being berated for making the only choice you even had - and by the person you loved most in the world.

you curled into yourself on the couch, laying your head on the arm and crying into the fabric. you released all of the tension and turmoil. you held onto the cushions as if it were the man that you wanted - no, needed to comfort you. because as much as you’d hate to admit it and try to fight those thoughts, part of you thought that spencer was right. it was your fault.

you fell asleep on the couch that night. you didn’t have the strength to get up to grab a blanket so you just sucked it up.

spencer didn’t sleep at all. he was used to having you curled into his chest, or himself on yours. he felt terrible about how he had talked to you, but he was too stubborn to admit anything just yet.

in the middle of the night he went out of the room to grab a glass of water. he saw you curled up in a ball, you head resting on the arm of the couch as you slept. it was the most peaceful you looked in the past 24 hours. but you began shivering as you slept. you were probably too exhausted to get up to do anything.

he went to the hall closet on a detour and grabbed your favorite, soft blanket and laid it on top of your body. after placing a soft kiss on your forehead, he went into the kitchen and made his glass of water before taking one more glance at you. you had snuggled into the blanket, pulling it up to your chin with a gentle smile that always appeared when he kissed your forehead as you slept.

maybe he didn’t screw up too badly, after all.

the next few days were spent avoiding one another. spencer couldn’t face you after knowing you had kept something so dire from him for the entirety of your relationship. you couldn’t face him after he made you feel as though it was your fault you lost your baby.

you would stay on the couch all day, barely eating or drinking anything while spencer would go out - only mentioning the library or the office to do more paperwork. eventually he just started sleeping at morgan’s house - probably because he couldn’t stand being around you.

you didn’t know how to grieve your baby, you were hoping that spencer might help, but that clearly won’t be happening. on top of that, you were worrying about your marriage. he couldn’t even look at you, how was he supposed to talk to you and sleep beside you?

a lot of times, it’s perceived that the only reason women were put on this planet were to have children - of course that’s a false notion, but it didn’t make it sting any less. your body had betrayed you. you had betrayed yourself.

it was only 12 days after spencer left when he came back home, if he could call it that anymore. once he walked into the living room, he saw you curled up in that same position on the couch. you had a blank stare that was directed towards the black tv. the only evidence that you were doing something was the empty water bottles surrounding you - certainly not enough considering he’d been gone for over a week.

when he entered you didn’t even flinch. your gaze stayed on the empty screen and your face remained vacant of any emotion.

in all honesty, morgan was the one to tell spencer he should check on you. spencer hadn’t told him everything about your argument, he knew he was in the wrong. but he was just so angry. regardless, he was here now, and it’s a good thing he was.

you hadn’t been taking care of yourself. spencer had morgan and savannah checking on him, but you had nobody. he only realized this when morgan pointed it out. and as upset as he was, spencer would always love you. your expressionless face only worried him more. your clothes had been changed from when he last saw you, but he doubts you’ve had a shower.

he stayed silent as he began picking up the empty water bottles from around the table and couch. you looked at him quizzically with furrowed brows.

“what’re you doing?” you asked, your chin already quivering as tears threatened to stream down your face.

“i’m trying to help,” he whispered as sensitively as he could, making eye contact with the most pitiful face you’d ever seen.

“i think you’ve helped enough,” you rolled your eyes before resuming your serious stare-down with the television. “you can leave.”

“no, i can’t,” he replied, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch while being sure not to touch you - he didn’t know if you were ready for that.

“you already did,” you brought to his attention, briefly looking at him. “just go.”

“y/n, i-“

“i don’t want to hear it! what’re you gonna say that could make me feel worse, spencer?!” you let the tears fall past your waterline. “i know it’s my fault. i know i screwed up! and i’m sorry! i’m so sorry!” you replied with far too much sincerity, the tears streaming down your face before he scooted closer to you, planning on wrapping his arms around you. “stop! don’t come near me!” you pushed his shoulders away. “it’s my fault,” you lowered your voice significantly before wrapping your arms around yourself.

he had called emily as soon as he got back into the bedroom. he knew she had previously had an abortion when she was a teenager, and he just needed to hear her side of it. part of him didn’t even expect her to pick up the phone.

“reid, what’s wrong?” she immediately answered.

“i-i think i need to talk to you,” he whispered in a hushed tone.

“right now?” she asked in a mildly concerned tone.

“if you can? the sooner the better,” he answered honestly.

“alright. you want to meet somewhere or just come over?”

“can i just come over? it’s really personal and i wasn’t sure who else to go to,” he began tying his shoes and hoping she’d agree.

“of course, come on over,” she replied in a worried voice.

“ok. i’ll be there in twenty.”

he quietly left the apartment, not before sparing you a regretful glance. he lost his child, but you also lost your child as well. he just couldn’t control his anger. and partially, he thought he was right.

how could you not have told him about something so serious? the second you had began having issues getting pregnant, maybe you should’ve been open about previous pregnancies.

“hey,” emily greeted before giving him a hug after seeing his teary eyes. “come inside.”

“thanks,” he sniffled before stepping into her apartment.

she guided him into her living room and sat down on the couch beside him. they sat there for a few silent minutes before he was able to work up enough courage.

“y/n was pregnant,” he whispered, barely audible if she weren’t right beside him.

“was,” she pointed out, already feeling as though she knew the rest of the story.

“she uhm-she miscarried two weeks ago,” he somberly admitted for the first time to someone else. “the doctor said it was because she had an abortion when she was a teenager that somehow ruined her cervix.”

“and that’s why you felt like you needed to talk to me?” she gathered, she was a great profiler for a reason but this was far more obvious.

“i was pretty harsh. i-i told her it was her fault,” he bit his lower lip as he grimaced. “i really rubbed it in, too.”

“spencer… “ she sighed, taking a deep breath before continuing. “you’re mourning a life, right now. obviously, that would raise tensions and emotions would be heightened. but… have you apologized? for telling her it was her fault?”

“no?” he replied after thinking about it. “i was going to do that today but she’s… she’s not in good shape. i’m not saying she needs to be perfect, but while i was at derek’s i can tell she didn’t take care of herself. she barely drank any water.”

“did you ask her why she had an abortion? why she didn’t tell you? did you ask her anything about how she’s feeling?” emily asked once more.

“no,” he cowered down, feeling even worse about the truthful answer. “i was just… selfish. i didn’t think about how she’s feeling. i just-i feel so bad now, seeing what state she’s in.”

“when i got an abortion it was because i wasn’t ready for a child,” she began to inform him. “i was a child, myself. how was a child supposed to take care of another one? my mother would’ve been disgraced. i basically had nobody there for me. i kept it a secret because having an abortion is so controversial. i knew people would look at me differently for making a responsible decision for my future.”

“god, i feel so bad,” he began to tear up himself. “i love her so much and i told her these horrible things.”

“make it right, spencer,” she gave him a supportive smile and pat his thigh before he stood up.

“i-i have to go,” he wiped the tears from his face before giving emily a hug, grateful she would listen to him at such an ungodly hour.

he quickly drove back home, where he decidedly belonged in the first place. he never should’ve left home. he never should’ve left you. you were his home, and he didn’t know how he could possibly lose sight of that.

“y/n,” he cooed as he entered the apartment once more. it was noticeably a bit more clean. the trash was taken out, the dishes were done, and your hair was wet from a shower - he assumed. “hey,” he smiled when he saw you sitting on the bed, cheeks still red and tear-stained with red, puffy eyes.

“hi,” you sighed as you brushed your hair, spencer sat down beside you.

“how’re you feeling?” you shrugged. “i need to apologize to you,” he admitted, placing a hand on your thigh. “i’m so, so sorry for what i said. telling you that it’s your fault that we lost our child… i-there’s no excuse. i was clearly upset, but so were you. what i said was so out of line, and i’ll never be able to express how sorry i am to you.”

“you’re right,” you shrugged. “it was my fault.”

“no,” he rubbed his thumb on your skin. “it was not your fault. i’m so sorry i made you believe that.”

“when i was 15 my boyfriend at the time pressured me to have sex. we used a condom and i was in birth control but i still-i still ended up pregnant,” you began, taking a deep breath before continuing. “i couldn’t tell my mom because she would’ve kicked me out, so i saved up some money and had his mom take me to a cheap clinic. she signed as my mom and i got the procedure done. that was the end of it,” you finished tears streaming down your face. “a few weeks after the procedure i started having pains in like my lower back, but i didn’t think anything of it. so… it is my fault. i shouldn’t have gone to a cheap clinic, but i couldn’t live on the streets with a baby and no way to clothe or feed them.”

“y/n,” he got your attention, wiping the tears from your cheeks. “you were a teenager who had no other choice, love. it’s not your fault, it’s the clinic’s.”

“i just… it hurts so bad, spencer,” you shook your head in defeat before he wrapped his arms around you. “not even just emotionally, my body physically hurts so bad. i don’t know what to do and i thought i lost you and i didn’t know what i would do without you because i didn’t think you loved me anymore because it’s my fault,” you ranted out, sobbing into his shoulder before he moved the two of you around the bed to lay down, you on his chest.

“i’m so sorry you had to go through that, and that you’re still dealing with the repercussions,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “but know that i’m not leaving you. i love you and nothing will ever change that.”

“there’s nothing we can do now,” you whined, clutching to his shirt as if he’d disappear once more.

“we can go to the recommended therapy. we can get that surgery to fix your cervix,” he reminded you, rubbing circles onto your back as you sniffled. “then, if you’d like, we could try again for a baby.”

“so you still want to be with me?” you whispered by his ear, clearly worried of the answer.

“of course i do,” he said as if there were no other option; there wasn’t. “i’m so, so sorry, love.”

“the reason i didn’t tell you is because,” you sighed as you shuffled on top of spencer, now sitting on his lap and facing him. “because there’s this stigma that comes with having an abortion - and i didn’t know how you’d react. i also didn’t know it didn’t go well in the first place, but that’s a different story,” you chuckled. “i’m sorry. i should’ve told you about something so serious.”

“you don’t have to apologize,” he brushed a strand of hair from your face. “that was from your past. this is our future, we shouldn’t get caught up on it and allow it to ruin this.”

you nodded, “you’re right. are-are you staying here, now? or are you going back to derek’s?” there was an obvious look of hope in your eye that spencer never planned on squashing.

“i’m staying here,” he smiled. “home. you’re my home.”

“you’re so cheesy,” you rolled your eyes as a laugh left your lips.

“i’ve missed your smile,” he pressed a kiss to those very lips, your smile not going away but growing even bigger.

“i’ve missed you,” you pointed at his chest. “please don’t leave again.”

“i won’t. ever again,” you held your pinky out, he smiled and wrapped his own around it. “i’m so sorry.”

“we’ll work at it,” you sighed. “we’ll build back the trust and fix my stupid cervix and then maybe try again for a baby.”

over the next few months spencer and you had been going to therapy once a week, mourning the loss of your baby and working through your other issues.

five months after you found out about the miscarriage, you had the surgery to fix your cervix.

one year after you fixed your cervix you and spencer began talking about having a child. you were extremely nervous, rightfully so. you voiced your concerns to spencer about what if the surgery didn’t work? what if your cervix wasn’t the only issue? and he replied by reminding you that you would both take this one step at a time.

seven months after having the conversation with spencer about having children, a miracle had caught up to you.

you were pregnant.

taglist:

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[forever-rogue]

hey, lovely, can you do #135 from the 390 prompt list for Agent Whiskey, if it sparks anything please

Prompt Used: “I think I’m in love with you and that scares me to death.”

Pairing: Jack Daniels x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: language

Pedro Character Masterlist

»»————-　♡　————-««

A small huff left your lips as you tried to open the front door, shifting the bags of take out to one shoulder. After a few moments of struggle, you finally managed to open the door to your apartment but found it surprisingly dark and empty. Odd. Jack should have been home by now; he’d said he was going to leave the office early today to be home in time for dinner.

“Jack?” you decided to and see if he was home - maybe he’d just forgotten to turn the lights or had just gotten home himself. Shuffling into the kitchen, you flicked on the light and set the bags on the counter. Taking out the containers one by one, you hummed under your breath and tired to decide what drink would go best with the Chinese. Perhaps it didn’t need to be anything fancy, so you grabbed a couple of bottles of beer and set them on the counter, “Jack? Baby? Are you home?”

When you still didn’t hear a response, you trapezed to the bedroom, turning on the hall light, stopping short of the bedroom when you realized it was all dark. He wasn’t home after all. Very odd. Fishing your phone out of your pocket, you scrolled through your notifications to make sure you hadn’t missed anything from Jack. But there was nothing. Zero, zilch, nada.

Pulling up his contact information, you quickly dialed his number and impatiently waited while it rang. And it rang, and rang, and rang, before going to voicemail.  

“Hey, Jack,” you tried to keep your voice as pointedly neutral as possible, “it’s just me. I thought you were going to be home early tonight? I-I got...all of our favorites for dinner. Maybe I...maybe I had the wrong day? Anyways, it’s been a bit since I’ve heard from you, so just let me know you’re okay or when you’re coming home. I love you.”

Ending the call, you frowned before heading back into the kitchen. You’d wait for him for now. Hopefully he was coming home soon and this was all some sort of misunderstanding. Grabbing your beer, you headed into the living room and pulled up Netflix, deciding to watch something while you waited.

And you waited. And waited. And waited.

»»————-　♡　————-««

But he never came. And he never called. And he never texted. He had gone radio silent.

At first you had been frustrated. Annoyed and upset, but then you became worried. It wasn’t like him to just disappear. Never.

So you kept trying to contact him to no avail. You’d called and gone to Statesmen headquarters to try and get some answers but no one was willing to give you any information. It seemed like they were all clamming up and refusing to help you. It was so odd...you’d never once experienced any sort of push back from them. None of his other friends or any of your friends had any information to provide either. It seems like a weird fever dream, but the fact that you continually woke up to an empty bed reminded you that it was all very well.

After a few days of the odd silence, you’d exhausted every resource you could think of. There was nothing else you could think of doing and it was driving you crazy. It was like Jack Daniels had just up and disappeared. But you knew he wasn’t dead - you knew that for a fact because you’d kept checking the news for any deaths and online obituaries. He was gone without a trace.

But why was the real question. Why? Why? Why?

You hadn’t had any sort of fight or argument or anything of the sort, there was nothing to suggest why he would suddenly leave. The only other tangible thought you had was that for some reason it was for your safety...but even that seemed like a stretch. He wasn’t taking on any work that proved extremely dangerous anymore, and things had been quiet. None of it made a lick of sense.

After almost two weeks, you weren’t sure if you were angry behind measure or desperately worried. At this point you just wanted answers, some sort of sign that Jack was alright.

»»————-　♡　————-««

You were sitting in the kitchen, in the very early morning hours when you should have been asleep, drinking coffee that was too dark and strong to be good. But it was the only thing keeping you company besides the agony of your loneliness. You picked up your phone and started scrolling through your social media aimlessly, but for whatever reason, you decided to try and call Jack one more time. You were positive that it was just going to go to voicemail, but you knew that you had nothing to lose at this point.

So you listened to it ring and ring but then to your surprise and shock...the call was answered.

“Hello?” he sounded tired, like you’d woken him up and he hadn’t even checked the caller ID. Your breath hitched in your throat as you realized that this was the first time you’d heard his voice in weeks; this was your sign that he was alive. Your surprise left you in stunned silence for a few moments too long, “hello? Who’s there?”

“J-Jack,” his name was but a mere whisper off of your lips as you tried to keep it together. You didn’t want to scare him and have him end the call then and there, but you needed to talk to him, “i-it’s me!”

"Oh," it was a sudden realization on his end as the line went silent for a few moments...clearly he hadn't meant to pick up this call. Your heart plummeted into your stomach as your brain tried to rationalize what was happening...normally he would have been overjoyed and excited to hear your voice, "hi."

"Jack," you let out a sigh of relief just knowing he was alive, "i-its been two weeks. I was worried sick, baby. You're alive, I'm so glad to your hear your voice."

"I'm fine," you could hear him rustling around before letting out a long sigh, "I'm...yeah."

"What the fuck happened?" there was a note of irritation in your voice as you realized that he didn't seem to want to explain his sudden absence, "I was waiting for you, that night we were going to get Chinese, and you...you never came home. I called and called and I searched everywhere for you. Where the hell have you been? I-is it work? Will you be home soon?"

There was nothing but jilted, stoic silence on the other end of the line. It was cold, hurtful, and every moment felt like it was a knife twisting in your heart.

"Jack?" you felt like banging your head on the table as you willed him to say something...anything, "Jack, please say something. I think you owe me at least an apology for up and leaving! I was worried sick, day and night!"

"Its not work," his voice was cold and steeled, "I'm...I'm not coming back, I'm sorry. You're right - I should at least have told you I was leaving so you wouldn't worry."

"What do you mean you're not coming back?" your throat constricted and suddenly your heart was pounding loudly in your ears. You couldn't have heard him right...right?

"I am...I'm not coming home," he repeated and this time it resonated in your soul, "I'm sorry...I can't come back."

"What the fuck?" your eyes stung with tears as you blinked back stinging, "you're just gone, no note, nothing. I felt like I've been losing my mind for the past two weeks and all you're telling me is that you're not coming back? What happened - what changed? Did I do something?"

"I know you're angry and you have every right to be. I should have...I should have said something and not just left you in the dark," he admitted with a heavy sigh as you scoffed, "but I'm sorry...I just can't come back. I don't expect you to forgive me or for you to understand."

"We've together for two years, Jack! Two years!"

"I know that," tears spilled down your cheeks as you tried to keep your lips from trembling, "and I'm sorry it ended this way."

"What ended? Why? How...it was just a normal day and then...you never came back," you didn't bother to hide your tears as your hands shook, "you just never came home. You left me...you left me do easily, without a word or anything."

"I'm sorry-"

"You're sorry?" your hurt and upset had quickly turned to anger and irritation,  "you're sorry!? I came home and expected to find my boyfriend and instead I got nothing! Absolutely nothing for two weeks and now you're sorry? That's rich, Jack. Why?"

"Please don't be upset..."

"I think I have every right to be upset," you whispered gently, "you just left me. I love you, we've been together for two years and you don't want me to be upset? I have every right to be upset! You owe me an explanation!"

"I left," he stated as you snorted, "and I didn't do it in the best way at all. For that I am sorry. But you have to understand I have my reasons."

"What reason could you possibly have for just leaving me?" you wanted to scream and cry, buy the worst of all was that you still just wanted...him, "why would you just leave me? Am I not enough?"

"No," he stated firmly, "no, you are more than enough. It's...me. I think...I know I'm in love with you and that scares me to death."

"You...love me but you left," you repeated back to him, "you love me but you're scared. So instead of talking to me about it...you just left."

"You know what happened to the last person I loved," he reminded you of the young wife and unborn child he'd lost. But that had been a long time ago and while you knew that the wound would never fully heal, you'd expected a little more faith in your relationship by now, "she was taken from me - everything was. I can't let that happen again."

"Jack, I know that was a lot to deal with," your voice lowered and softened as you ran a hand over your tired face, "but that was years ago and it's going to happen again. You can't just shut everyone you love or might love out. It's not fair to them or you."

"I would never forgive myself if something happened to you on account of me," that night of defiant determination crept back into his voice, "the only way to fully ensure your safety is to leave. I didn't do it in the best way, but it is the only. For what it's worth, I am sorry."

"Me too," you agreed, "I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could talk to me about all of this and tell me what you were feeling. I love you, Jack and nothing is going to change that. I wish you'd trust enough in your heart to come back to me."

"I'm sorry," for the first time it sounded genuine and like he actually meant it, "I do love you. But I don't trust myself...or anyone else not to prey on that fear. This is what's best. I'm sorry but I can't come back."

"Jack," you grew panicked, "please don't do this, please don't go. We can make make work-"

"I'm sorry," he insisted but you were still left incredulous, "but this is goodbye."

"Jack, don't..." the called ended and left you with silence. You stared at your phone before slowly setting it down and burying your face in your arms. Jack was a stubborn man and you knew that there was no changing his mind. Your whole life had just been changed and determined by one simple, horrible decision. Maybe...maybe one day he'd come to his senses...maybe.

"Goodbye, Jack."

»»————-　♡　————-««

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[candycityy]

Hii, Candy! For the Drabble Challenge, 12 and 19 😊

(You can also read this on AO3!)

Newlywed bliss, Levi decides, is sort of like a bubble. Or a vacuum, pick your metaphor.

You get so caught up in the sheer wonder of the whole situation, of shared touches and delirious smiles and and waking up with the love of your life sprawled unglamourously beside you, open-mouthed and drooling and just thoroughly adorable, and your heart swells and you can't think and you forget that the world hasn't stopped spinning on its axis for you and you alone.

In other words, Levi pleads insanity.

So when Petra walks into the drawing room one day with a frozen look on her face, one that's equal parts terror and bewilderment and something else that he can't quite discern, he doesn't know what to think. And then she says it.

"Levi," she says, "I'm pregnant."

Just two words, and his world is upended. He think Petra says something after, but he doesn't hear her; blood roars in his ears, his breath is stuck in his throat, and for the first time in his life, he finds himself shocked into utter silence.

And he realises, that third emotion in her face that he hadn't recognised earlier: it's happiness. A wild, fierce joy, a bewildered and terrified joy, but a joy nonetheless.

His head spins, and he feels, incomprehensibly, the urge to lie down. "Pregnant," he echoes. His voice is hoarse, ragged. "Petra, that's..."

He trails off. He doesn't know what to say. Incredible? Ridiculous? Impossible? Petra seems to recognise the tumult in his thoughts, though, because her expression shifts into a kind of defensive stubborness. As if by instinct, her arms curl over her still-flat abdomen, protective.

"Look," she begins, "I know we hadn't planned on this so early, but if you're thinking of—"

"No," he says. His voice is harsh, decisive, and he takes a small step towards her. "I'm not. Petra, I'm sorry, I was just...surprised. I wouldn't...ask you to hurt it. I would never."

She swallows. Her gaze searching, tentative. "Then...you're okay? You're not mad? Or upset?"

"I don't know how I feel," he says honestly. "I don't know shit about being a parent. Maybe I'll screw it all up, I don't know that either. And I'll be real, this is fucking terrifying." Petra laughs. The sound is like broken glass.

"But," he takes a step towards her, "I know I'll try my damned hardest to protect it. Give it a good life. I mean..." His eyes never move away from her stomach. "It's our baby."

His voice cracks on the two words, and that's all she needs. She almost falls into him, sobbing and laughing all at the same time. "Levi, I'm so scared," she whispers. She sounds dreamy, incredulous; enchanted. "A baby. We made a baby."

Levi's never been sure of anything; his life has been a maze of choice, of possibilities, of maybes and what-ifs. But as he stares down at Petra, her arms still wrapped around her middle, he feels a surge of something fierce and unfamiliar in his chest, something almost painful in its acuteness, and he knows, without a doubt: he would die for this stirring of life that drifts, still blind to the world, in his wife's womb.

==

The first time he tells someone, it's entirely by accident.

They're all hanging out in the lounge, like most nights; they haven't told Erwin, and Petra reckons it's better to wait a little, just in case. Eld and Auruo are bickering away as usual, and somehow, the topic turns to one of their colleagues, who recently put in a request to switch to the Garrison after his wife became pregnant.

"I mean, I get why," Eld says, his lip curling, "I just don't get how. Sitting around on the walls, getting drunk and playing cards all day...I'll never understand."

"Your fiancée might like that, though, wouldn't she," Auruo taunts. The other man rolls his eyes.

"Aria knows I'll never leave the Survey Corps. I plan to live till the ripe old age of seventy and die in a blaze of glory as Supreme Commander, thank you very much."

"Supreme Commander isn't even a title, you ass," Gunther goes from across the room, looking up from his book. "But pregnancy...that's a whole lot of responsibility, isn't it? How do you just go off and risk your life every day, with a kid waiting at home for you?"

Levi's stomach churns suddenly, his dinner threatening to make a reappearance, and his face suddenly feels very hot. He fights to keep his expression carefully blank, but Petra's eyes catch his, narrowing with concern.

"And that's how you ruin a life. Congratulations," Auruo concludes wisely.

"Hey," Petra retorts sharply, "that's not true. Being a dad doesn't mean your life ends, you know. You can still be a soldier, and fight, and everything."

Auruo leers at her. "It's different for you, Pet. Mothers have options...but fathers, they gotta provide for their families, woman. Dying...leaving your wife and kid to fend for themselves...it's not done." Eld and Gunther nod agreement, and Petra makes a face, muttering something under her breath that sounds suspiciously like, 'sexist cows'.

Levi doesn't know what possesses him in that instant. His throat is dry, and he's so lightheaded he feels numb, almost disembodied. He stands up abruptly, and announces, "Petra and I are expecting."

The silence that follows is palpable, thick enough to choke on. He can feel Petra's eyes as Auruo begins to sputter apologies and retractions—"I only meant—but of course, you wouldn't die and leave your kid alone, captain! You're humanity's strongest, after all! You'd never..."

He's still stammering away when Levi turns on his heel without a word, and walks out of the room.

==

The candle in his room has melted into a stump of wax when Petra finds him, later that night.

"Hey," she says softly. She's changed into her nightgown, and her hair, still damp from the showers, tumbles into the hollow of her collarbone. In the dim light of the candle, she looks pale and fragile; hollowed cheekbones, shadowed eyes.

Something deep in his chest wrenches, and he opens his mouth, only to find that no words come out. But she seems to understand his expression; of course she does, she always does.

She walks over to the window, where he stands, staring out of the window, and wraps her arms around his back. They're so nearly the same height that it's a comfortable position for them, her face pressed into his shoulder, her hair brushing the curve of his cheek. They stay there for a few moments in a comfortable silence, just relishing in the wordless companionship.

Petra isn't a patient person by nature. But by now, she knows him; knows how the thoughts whirl insistently in his mind at the height of his emotion, unwilling to settle into the dust. So she waits, her warm breath reassuring on his neck, her heartbeat strong against his back.

He finally exhales. "Do you think they were right?" he asks. The words sound unnaturally loud in the silence of the night. When she doesn't reply immediately, he goes on, "I could...you know. I could join the Garrison, too, or the Military Police. Or leave the military. I could do other things. Erwin would understand, he'd help—"

"No." The word cuts through the room. Gently but firmly, Petra turns him around to face her. The moonlight casts her in silver, turning her into something luminous, ethereal—almost otherworldly.

"Levi, I love you more than anything in this stupid world." Her expression is fierce, intent. "And I won't let you do that. You belong here, in the Survey Corps. And I do, too."

"But just say—"

"I'm not fragile, Levi," she shoots back, her eyes burning with a familiar fire. "Sure, maybe I'm not strong the way you are, but I'm strong enough. I'm not saying I'd be okay if you died—of course I wouldn't—but I'd survive, and I'd keep our child alive, too. And I believe you'd do the same."

Something breaks in him, then, like the shattering of a glass, and he looks up. Petra is glaring at him with those burning eyes, and in that moment, she's so alive and beautiful, the love of his life, the mother of his unborn child. The realisation makes him stagger. He's never felt so complete; he's never had so much to lose.

Feeling as though the weight of the world sits on his shoulders, he nods.

Petra's answering smile is a promise, golden and honeyed and full of light. She draws him in tighter.

"Trust me," she whispers. Her presence is warm, solid, comforting. "Everything will be all right."

Drabble challenge!

[celticcrossanon]

BRF Reading - 12th of April, 2021

This is speculation only

Cards drawn 11th of April, 2021

Question: What do we need to know about Prince Philip's funeral?

Interpretation: Harry and Meghan and their shenanigans, when the funeral is supposed to be about Prince Philip and only about Prince Philip.

Card One: The Knight of Swords. This is the card of an air sign person, particularly a Gemini. In this spread it stands for Prince Philip and all that his life represents. The funeral is reminding the world about the values that Prince Philip embodied - honour, dignity, service, the ability to keep information to yourself, the ability to keep your private life private, to be able to put others ahead of yourself with dignity and grace, to protect what is important to you, creating a legacy that lives after you, etc. This is Prince Philip's funeral and it should be all about him.

Card Two: The Nine of Pentacles. This is a card about money, wealth, material goods. Here we see Daedalus, the craftsman, standing over a pile of gold that is the result of his hard work. The money represents both financial security for the future and the result of honing and practising his craft in the past. The pile of gold is standing out to me, so this card is all about money. Coming after the Prince Philip card, it is about Prince Philip's money/estate - the money and goods that he leaves to his wife, children, friends etc.

With Harry as the underlying card (see below), this says that Harry is concerned about his inheritance from Prince Philip. He is expecting a lot of money, as represented by the large pile of gold on the card. The Moon card coming after this card, on top of the Harry (and his guilt) card in the spread, tells me that there could be and probably will be some illusion or deception about the amount of money Harry will inherit from Prince Philip. It may not be the huge amount that he expects. It may be that there will be PR articles about how much Harry inherited, and they turn later to have grossly over estimated the amount. It may be that Harry will try to use emotional manipulation/deceit to get more money from the inheritance than that amount to which he is entitled. It may be all of these and other forms of deception/illusion/deceit.

Nothing is going to be as it appears when it comes to Harry and his inheritance from Prince Philip. Do not believe the articles that will come out. Do not be upset by them. Remember this and wait for the truth to emerge over time.

Card Three: The Moon. This is the central card of the spread and the only major arcana card in the spread, so its energy is very important. The energy of the Moon card here is one of deceit, distortions of truth, illusions, and perhaps outright lies. Nothing is as it appears on the surface, especially when it involves Prince Harry (the underlying energy of the spread), and you have to dig deeper to find the truth. The truth of these illusions will almost certainly be cloaked with secrets and/or hidden in the shadows (for example, the article that said Prince Harry wanted to wear military uniform at the funeral - I can find articles discussing this, I can find articles giving the opinions of people on whether it will happen or not, but I can not find the article that said Prince Harry asked to wear military uniform - it has vanished like moonbeams in the light of day). These deceptions will be particularly strong around Prince Philip's inheritance (the Nine of Pentacles) and Harry's past (the Six of Cups).

Card Four: The Six of Cups. This is a card of the past, of looking over the past, and sometimes of childhood. On the card Psyche sits on the rocks, remembering her past life with her husband and drawing strength from it for the future. In this spread, this card is a card about the past. The funeral of Prince Philip will (obviously) be about his past and his life. Here, with the underlying energy cards being about Prince Harry, it says that this is a card about Prince Harry's past, especially his past with Prince Philip. With the Meghan card ahead of it, this refers specifically to Harry's past when he was coupled with Meghan, and how they treated Prince Philip. With the Moon card behind it, expect deceptions, illusions, secrets etc around this past. The past may be re-written to show a different version of Harry and Meghan's relationship with Prince Philip, with any actions that reflect badly on the couple being re-written to show them in a better light. Harry may also use his past with the BRF as part of his deception/illusion/manipulations to get more money from Prince Philip's inheritance, or to soften the impact of his past actions towards his grandfather (for example - 'they treated Harry so badly and he still went back to the funeral as a respectful grandson' - that sort of distortion of the truth).

As with the question of Prince Philip's estate, nothing is going to be as it appears when it comes to Harry and how his past is portrayed with Prince Philip and the BRF. Do not believe the articles that will come out. Do not be upset by them. You know the truth, and all the distortions of the truth in the articles can not change what actually happened.

Card Five: The King of Wands. This is a fire sign person, particularly a Leo, and in this spread it stands for Meghan. It is at the opposite end of the spread from the Prince Philip card, and this indicates that Meghan's values are directly opposed to those of Prince Philip. Instead of the funeral being about him, she wants to make it all about her. The card of the past/childhood (the Six of Cups) appearing before this card indicates that Meghan may do something about her unborn child or her first child to pull the attention back to her, and/or release PR about them in some way to try and get attention. She may also release PR combining the past with the present, the most obvious example being articles comparing Harry walking behind his mother's coffin (the past, child) to Harry walking behind his grandfather's coffin (the present), especially if she can twist this to suit her victim narrative (for example, he was forced to walk behind his mother's coffin and now the mean BRF wouldn't let him wear a military uniform for his grandfathers, despite him being on active service during his years in the army, the only one of the BRF to do so - the lies and distortions of truth in this example are what the Moon card represents in the spread).

Underlying Energy Card One: The Knight of Pentacles. This is an earth sign person, particularly a Virgo, and in this spread the card stands for Prince Harry. He is the energy underneath everything else in this spread, and he is the major concern as people prepare for the funeral.

We know that the other members of the BRF will behave at the funeral, follow HM the Queen's wishes, and ask only to grieve in private for a short time before returning to their duties. We have no such reassurance about Prince Harry, who has already shown that he will go against the express wishes of the widow, HM the Queen, in his quest for attention and PR that he can use to make money (he showed this when he and Meghan put up a cold and heartless tribute to Prince Philip on their website when HM the Queen had said that nothing would be said by the Royal Family, and everyone else just had copies of the tribute from Buckingham Palace).

Underlying Energy Card Two: The Nine of Swords. This card shows Orestes tormented by the Furies after he killed his mother. They pursued him wherever he want, and he could not escape them. Similarly, Harry's thoughts are tormenting him. He is plagued by thoughts of how he treated his family (who he is returning to face at the funeral), how he treated his grandmother, who his grandfather spent his life protecting and supporting (putting up that heartless 'service' statement after the Queen has said no member of the family was to speak out is the latest in a long line of disrespectful actions that have caused her stress and worry), and how he treated his grandfather (the Oprah interview while Prince Philip was in his last days on this earth and blowing off an important event for the Royal Marines, a position he inherited from his grandfather, to attend a movie premiere are two incidents that come to mind). He feels guilty.

The Moon card above this card and the Knight of Pentacles (Harry) card says that Harry is not only involved with deception around the funeral, but he is also deceiving himself. He feels guilty, but he is not yet ready to admit to himself that his actions caused hurt to others, and so he lives in a constant state of uneasy and defensive self justification.

Harry can not escape these thoughts and they are causing him stress and sleepless nights. The thoughts keep coming up in his mind (like the swords pointed at Orestes in the picture) and every time he has to justify his actions to himself. It is in this state of mind, stressed, defensive, and self-justifying, that Harry is attending the funeral.

I am not saying that Harry is not grieving his grandfather, just that the energy coming from the card is stress, guilt and the self-justification of someone who knows they have behaved badly but are not ready to admit it. These feelings are most likely powered by grief at losing his grandfather, and that is why they are so constant and so strong.

Arrangement of the Cards: Look at how the spread is arranged. Prince Philip is at one end and Meghan at the other, with Harry (and the Nine of Swords, his guilty feelings) as the balancing point underneath the five cards. This says to me that there is a range of energy between that embodied by Prince Philip (service, duty, putting yourself last) and that embodied by Meghan (putting yourself first and only you, no conception of duty or service), and at this point of time Harry is standing precisely at the middle of these energies, in fact he may even be torn between them. He may turn back towards the Prince Philip side, or he may turn towards the Meghan side, but at this time he is balanced in the middle. The Moon card is directly above Harry, indicating that there will be some sort of deception(s) or illusion(s) about his presence/behaviour at the funeral, and/or that he will use the funeral as a cover for other behaviour, and/or as a way of getting what he wants. The cards on either side of the Moon card show what will be involved in and/or the reason for this deception/illusion: Money (the Nine of Pentacles) and Childhood/Children/the Past (The Six of Cups).

Conclusion: This funeral is meant to be all about Prince Philip, but Meghan wants to make it all about her. Harry is in the middle, and he is tormented by his past actions with respect to his grandfather, actions that he has to keep justifying to himself. The Moon card says that there is so much illusion and deceit going on on, both in Harry not being honest with himself (deceiving himself about his intentions/motives/how others react to him/being self justifying etc) and in Harry's actions at the funeral, especially in regard to his inheritance from Prince Philip, and in regard to his past, especially his past actions towards his grandfather. Harry may be using deceit/illusions/emotional blackmail based on his childhood to try and get the money he thinks he deserves.

[mageofseven]

Hey, I just read your post about MC's pregnancy with Satan (which is amazing, by the way) and it got me wondering... What if MC felt pain during the pregnancy and the only way to make it go away would be with the brothers talking to their children? Like, Satan was so soft and cute, it got me curious about how the others would be and say to their babies. Hope you have a nice day! 💫

Aww. Okay, this is a cute ask. Of course~ time to give the other brothers time to calm their babies with loving words while they're in their mommy 🥰

Oh! And for reference to those who either haven't read it or don't remember, this is what Nonnie is referring to with Satan.

Also, I only included Lucifer, Mammon, and Leviathan in this, but will do the last three brothers (Satan is excluded from this since this prompt is based off one of his posts) in another post. I decided to do this since Next Gen posts tend to take me a while to do, despite the fact that they are my favorite to answer, and since I haven't posted much lately and wanna give ya guys more content.

So please enjoy!

Part 2

~

Lucifer:

Finding out that his daughter inherited demonic strength while she was still in her mother was a quite a terrifying thing for him, not that he'd admit it to most since he feels like he always needs to seem collected and on top of things.

Luckily, Lucifer truly is the type to keep his emotions in check when he needs to act

So when MC hit 5 months and had her first episode of pain, it only took a moment for the oldest to spring into action in order to help his Love.

Watching the human's belly get bruised from each quick kick and jab was difficult for him, but as some one skilled in magic, more so than all of his brothers combined, he knew a spell to use.

Hand hovering over her belly, a pale blue light extended from his finger tips and was absorbed into her skin.

The spell calmed his distressed child and stopped his Love's pain, but he didn't find out the reason for the episode till later that evening.

Discovering that MC's body wasn't absorbing the dark energy needed for their daughter's soul fast enough, causing the baby to become upset and lash out in fear...well, it wasn't an easy truth to handle.

Still, he didn't hesitate to push past his worry and look into a solution.

After consulting various experts he had connections with and looking through books, he discovered that most potions and spells that could help weren't human-safe in the long term, not even the calming spell he had been using so far.

When he discovered a non magical method, one that literally just required his time and his voice, he was genuinely surprised. Was it truly as easy as talking to his daughter?

When MC had her next episode, the two were preparing for bed. The human had finished slipping into her pjs just for the pain to hit her and cause her to lower to the ground as she hugged her stomach.

Lucifer quickly stopped changing and let his shirt fall to the floor, helping his Love over to the bed.

He felt somewhat awkward, even a little embarrassed to speak to his unborn child, but barely paused at all.

Leaning in close to MC's belly, he spoke softly to his daughter. Without really knowing what to say, he essentially started lecturing the baby on her behavior, though he really didn't realize it. He just knew he needed to speak and spoke what was currently on his mind. Lucifer was worried about MC, worried about his daughter, so though it was a lecture, it was a lecture filled with love and concern.

It's not as if their daughter has developed anywhere near enough to know what her daddy was saying though; all their baby recognized was her daddy's soft, loving tone and that was enough calm her and make her feel safe.

Overall, it was successful, taking not quite six minutes to make the pain completely cease.

Still kneeling in front of her, the demon took his girlfriend's hand and kissed it before giving it a gently squeezed and looking up at the sniffling human.

"Are you alright, Love?"

From then on, the demon never strayed far from his Love in case such an episode would spring up again.

Whenever possible though, Lucifer would always carry her off somewhere they could be alone when an episode started; he didn't want to have to try to calm his child while his brothers were freaking out around him and in truth, he found the situation a bit embarrassing. To be more specific, he was uncomfortable letting his brothers hear him speak so tenderly against MC's belly. Occasionally it was unavoidable though and the oldest had to deal with some of his brothers teasing him about it afterwards, especially Mammon.

Overall, such a method is a private, but meaningful thing to him. Even as the episodes lose their frequency, he still finds himself talking to his daughter. Essentially starts the lecturing while Ksenia is too young to realize she is being lectured, but it comes from a very loving place and that's what his daughter responds to.

Mammon:

Oh man, did this dude freak out when the first episode happened.

He tried very hard to keep calm, but it was obvious to anyone who saw him that he was panicking.

He managed to help MC over to the couch and had enough of his brain functioning to realize that he should go get Lucifer from help.

Honestly terrified and thought something was wrong. Well, scratch that. Something was very wrong, but more specifically, both he and MC were scared that she was losing their baby because the pain was so bad.

Luckily, after Mammon bursted into Lucifer's study and had the oldest come out to help, they find out that's not the issue at all. The Avatar of Pride didn't know exactly what the problem was yet, but it wasn't that. He used a calming spell on the human's belly that lightly sedated the child and ended the pain, though they all knew that it was just a temporary solution.

The two older brothers manage to rope Satan into things, having the blonde look through all of his books and do whatever magical tests he needs to in order for them to understand just what's happening with MC and the baby.

Mammon hovered around MC constantly at this point and kept bugging Satan for answers. The second brother didn't mean to seem impatient or ungrateful or anything like that; he was simply worried, even if he tried to pretend otherwise. It didn't stop the blonde from getting frustrated though.

When he found out about the slow energy absorption and how it was essentially scarying his baby girl into hurting her mama, Mammon felt guilty as hell. I mean, of course this would happen; MC is human. Of course her body can't absorb it fast enough. And yet...he still had to be a dumbass and knock her up. Now both his Human and his little girl were suffering 'cause of him.

While Satan searched for methods to stop the episodes and potentially help speed up the absorption process, Mammon kept buying stuff.

Yep. Boy had a guilted heart that pushed him to buy MC stuff. Technically, most of it was for their daughter, but seeing MC's face light up at the cute outfits and toys he got for their kid was exactly what the Avatar of Greed needed.

Mammon...he needed to feel like her was doing something right. For years. His brothers have treated him like he was nothing but a screw up and this situation...it really made all of their words ring in his head, made him feel like they just might be true.

Finding out that all he had to do to stop the pain was talk to his daughter? Easy peasy! Honestly, the dude was just glad there was something he could do.

Yes, his face was red the first time he had to do it. Plus, it was kinda hard to focus on his words since MC was crying in pain and he just wanted to focus on comforting her, but he couldn't.

Tells his baby girl to listen up because her Great Papa Mammon is here and she doesn't have to be scared anymore. One of the more blunt brothers with his kid and just out and tells Cassia that she'll get the dark energy she needs, no worries!

"So no worryin' and go easier on ya Ma, got that Babygirl?"

It was a slow start, but the episode ended in only 12 minutes, much better than the hour the pain would normally last.

Feels much less guilty here on out and when he does, the tsundere will snuggle up to MC and get all blushy, asking if he can have some belly time to talk to their baby.

Definitely the type of the dad to ask his girlfriend to let him have a 'private' talk with their unborn baby just to level with her belly and tell their daughter what a beautiful, sweet, and strong woman her mama is, ultimately smirking the entire time.

Leviathan:

Oh boy, did this man panic. Not sure whether he could have calmed down enough to help or at least get help for MC's first episode because he didn't really get the chance-- Asmo was passing by in the hall when he heard the couple screaming (MC in pain, Levi in panic) and ran to get help for them after poking his head in and seeing the scene.

First one the fifth brother ran into? Satan. The blonde kinda froze at the situation he was dragged into at first, but he remained calm for the most part and tried spell after spell, searching for a remedy to whatever was happening to the human and her child.

The blonde was just as surprised and relieved when the calming spell worked and the human's pain died down.

At some point during the episode, MC had clung and pressed herself against her boyfriend, crying into his chest and in turn, Levi held her tightly, as if he'd lose her if he let go. Even after her pain stopped, the two never let go of each other.

From there, Satan left to get some books from his room to do some tests to see if he could figure out what had transpired.

Levi couldn't even bring himself to look at MC's belly, which was covered in black and blue. He actively avoided lowering his gaze as he anxiously kept asking his Henry if could do something for her, which the human only shook her head. All MC wanted was answers and for Levi to not let go of her yet.

Hearing from Satan later about the issue with MC's absorption rate and his son's fear, the man immediately fell into himself, calling himself selfish and horrible and utterly worthless. Like Mammon, he blamed himself for this, but unlike the second brother, he didn't try to pretend he was okay.

It took a lot of comfort from MC as well as his brothers constantly telling him that he can't be falling apart now, for the man to break out of it a bit. They were right; Levi knew this. He wanted to be there for MC and help her with whatever she needs him to so instead of just knocking himself down, he needs to do the very things she needs him to do.

What did he need to do specifically though? He wasn't really sure till Satan came to him the talking strategy he discovered.

Talking to MC's belly? Talking to their son during an episode? The otaku found it embarrassing... I mean not a bad embarrassing, but still.

When the next episode occurred, the man almost forgot the method, if he's honest. Just like the first time, he panicked and just held his Henry close for a bit before he realized what he should be doing.

Accidentally shoved her away in his panic and quickly apologized before kneeling down in front of her belly.

Goes from apologizing to MC to beginning his little talk with his son with an apology for him. Tells Kai that he's sorry that he's so scared, sorry that things ended up like this, but that even Levi sees now that things will be okay. Gives a lot of reassurance to his son that he'll be okay.

Levi... it's no secret that he has a lot of anxiety problems; he's such a big worrier. This whole situation kinda puts a thought at the back of him; what if his son is like him in that regard? Will Kai become just as scared of people's judgements and whatever troubles could come in the future, just like him? The Avatar of Envy didn't want that for his son.

Promises to his son that he'll never have to be afraid of the things that Levi himself is. He leans in closer to the human's belly and tells his son that he'll do anything and everything to make sure that his son will live a safe, but unrestrained life; a life better than the one Levi has been living himself by hiding away from the world in his room.

It was at that promise where his son finally calmed down and the episode ended. He watched MC wipe the tears from her face for a minute before rising up and pulling his Henry in for a hug.

"I'm sorry." The demon murmured. "I'm sorry this kind of thing is gonna keep happening, but I'll always stop it for you. I'll keep fixing it and it'll be okay."

Overall, the episode only lasted about eight minutes, though two of those minutes was Levi panicking and forgetting he had to talk to his son.

Blushes each and every time he has to talk to his son during an episode without fail.

Not the type to do it outside of the episodes. Instead, he gotten a bit more cuddly around MC's belly. Often asks if the two of them can go lay down together so he can lay close to her belly and hug it. Especially feels the need to do that on his more anxious days.

[amethystroselilith]

Intertwined Fates (Chilumi/Zhonglumi) - Chapter 1

Can be read in ao3 here

This chapter has a really small bit of mentioning ScaraMona (While I don’t ship them that much, I like how people write their little dynamic)

SUMMARY: After 5 years, Lumine had finally adjusted to her new life...

5 years…

5 years ago when she lost Zhongli

5 years ago when her world shattered

Lumine slowly opened her eyes as she felt an insistent poking on her cheek, vision blurry until her golden eyes met with wide magenta eyes.

“Qiqi, what’s wrong?” she asked sleepily, judging from her surroundings it’s still in the middle of the night. 

“Can’t sleep.” she simply said, “Mama, play. Let’s play.” she pouted as she tried to shake her mother awake.

The blonde woman sighed, glancing at the digital clock on the bedside table, 2:30 am.

“Qiqi, it’s a bit too late for playtime, why don’t we sleep and play in the morning? Mama has no work, so we can play all you want.” Lumine smiled, however, regretted it when Qiqi’s eyes grew more excited.

“Then play now! More time to play with Qiqi.” the purple-haired girl awed, “Mama, please, Mamaaa…” 

“Qiqi, please… Mama’s still a bit tired.” she sighed, guilt filling her immediately when sadness glazed over her daughter’s eyes.

Lumine was about to give in until she felt a pair of arms snaking around her waist, warmth on her back, and ginger hair tickling her face, “Hm? What’s happening here?” he tiredly asked though she can feel the smile on her face.

“Papa! Mama’s gonna play with Qiqi.” the young girl smiled.

5 years ago when Ajax started picking up the broken pieces…

“Isn’t it a bit late, princess?” Ajax chuckled as he sat up to pick up the child and settled her on his lap, “Mama’s still a bit tired though, and it is way past your bedtime and way too early for you to be up.” 

Lumine rolled over to watch the most important people in her life.

2 months ago when she fully got herself back together to start a new chapter with Ajax together with their daughter.

She watched Ajax convince Qiqi why they should go back to sleep, words didn’t really register in Lumine’s brain for it had gone to wander on the memories from the past 5 years.

~~~

“Lumi, it’s time to eat,” Ajax said as he entered the room carrying a tray of food.

“Not hungry,” Lumine answered, unmoving and staring blankly at the wall.

The man sighed, “Lumi, please.” he said as he placed the tray on a nearby table before walking to the bed, “You haven’t eaten much earlier.” 

“Just leave me alone,” she said, voice cracking just like her heart.

It was three days after the funeral and Lumine can barely take care of herself, her twin and Ajax had mostly been taking care of her, Aether being the one responsible for the formal papers related to Zhongli’s death as well as running their bakery, together with his brother in law, Xiao, who is also grieving for losing his only kin.

Lumine can’t help but admire how he could still function while she barely even have the energy to move from her current position. And that thought just made her feel worse.

“Lumi…” Ajax called quietly as he watches the familiar trembling of her shoulders. 

And that’s how it usually goes, Ajax climbing next to her and hugging her tight, giving as well as seeking comfort as he quietly let the tears slide down his own eyes.

A month later, Lumine began taking care of herself again, telling herself that she needs to take proper care of her unborn daughter, their little Qiqi, the name was random, to be honest, she and Zhongli are trying to come up with a name by blurting out random names they can think of. The name came from Zhongli, it was a completely random name, but it was the one that grew on them as days passed by trying to name their daughter.

Qiqi came a bit earlier than they expected. Lumine was in their bakery, trying to fall back into a routine without mourning for her husband’s death. Aether and Xiao have provided a good support system at work, even Ajax stops by during his break from work. 

Ajax, who had also picked himself together, even getting promoted in a powerful and influential company called Fatui, as one of the 11th Harbingers, the youngest who had been given the position. 

Ajax, who stayed true to his word by being Lumine’s side, supporting her in every way he can.

Ajax, who freaked out so much when Lumine’s water broke, Aether had to slap him to get him to focus.

Welcoming Qiqi to the world, was life-changing for Lumine. She expected that to happen, but with all the tragedy the transpired, it just felt so different. It’s as if she was reborn with new hope and dreams. 

So she worked hard for them. Worked hard until their bakery, Emergency Sweets, gained popularity. She won’t lie, she has a huge feeling Ajax pulled some strings, but customers don’t just stay for pretty words on an article, they stay for the twin’s speciality; Pie Mon, a fairy shaped dessert that would magically satisfy your sweet cravings. 

Lumine’s life was bright again as she raised her daughter. 

And so is Ajax’s…

He didn’t know why, and he certainly doesn’t even have to, but he never stopped himself going straight to the twins’ place where Aether had welcomed her sister back, every after work. 

Never stopped himself helping Lumine raise Qiqi.

Never stopped falling in a domestic routine with Lumine.

Never stopped the feelings growing back in his chest.

Never stopped himself leaning into a kiss after a particular emotional dinner.

They had a fight months ago before they got together, they don’t even remember what it is nowadays but Ajax could remember how he never stopped deepening the kiss.

Or how he never stopped the night from going to be one of the most passionate night he ever had.

It was wrong, it felt all so wrong, but at the same time felt right. 

For the first time in forever, Ajax felt like he had finally come home.

The day after that was a flurry of emotions for them, the guilt loomed on them. Both distancing themselves for a while until Ajax just had enough. 

It felt fucked up, but Ajax can’t help but crave for that feeling again. The feeling of being in her arms, the feeling of sharing and receiving something so intimate, the feeling of being loved back by the woman who had always been so close yet feel so far.

Ajax was mad at himself for having feelings for his best friend’s wife. But what can he do? He’s tired of wanting something he can’t have, and now that it looks like he has a chance, it was hard to control the desperation in his heart. 

It felt fucked up, but Ajax knows he can take the responsibility well. That he can give them the best life they could ever want, that he’ll protect them with all his life.

It felt fucked up, but Ajax selfishly gave in the thought. 

It wasn’t all easy on Lumine’s side. 

Her feelings are a mess, guilt from sleeping with someone else but Zhongli, but at the same time her feelings coming into terms that Ajax is also someone very special to her.

She had been feeling something different every time she sees Ajax. The same fluttery feeling she felt when she sees Zhongli before, the same feeling of longing when he’s gone.

Aether had felt something was off, he is her twin after all. He listens as Lumine poured her heart out, wiped the tears she shed, just like he always had, and always will. 

And like the great brother he is, he lifted Lumine’s chin to look at him, he smiled, “Let your heart lead you to your happiness, Lumi. I’m sure Zhongli would want to see you happy.” 

And so she did.

It took a bit of time but eventually, they fell back into their old domestic routine.

Ajax will never forget the night he had finally come back to the twins’ place.

“Papa, you’re back!” 

~~~

Lumine snapped back to her senses when she felt Qiqi settling down beside her, yawning before her eyes closed. The blonde smiled before tucking her daughter properly under the blanket, fingers gently caressing the child’s face to lull her further to sleep. She stopped and watched Ajax settle back down himself.

Blue eyes met her golden ones, he smiled before taking Lumine’s hand and giving it a soft kiss, “Are you alright? You seem to be lost in thought.”

“Just thinking,” Lumine said, her finger moving to gently caress her lover’s cheek.

Ajax leaned into the touch, “Something wrong? You barely moved until Qiqi’s laid down and that took 30 minutes worth of story, you know.” he chuckled quietly.

Lumine smiled, “It’s nothing bad, just late night thoughts, I guess.”

He hummed, “And may I know what these thoughts are?” 

Ajax may already have a feeling about it, there’s only one thing that makes her zone out like that. 

Their relationship was received with different reactions, Aether threatening him if he hurt his sister he’s dead, their friends happy for them and demand he showers Lumine with all the happiness in the world… Xiao, however, didn’t take the news well, only leaving them with a cold glare about betraying Zhongli.

It upset Lumine, but she hides it from their friends, even if Ajax offered to have a talk with Xiao. They decided to give him some space first, let him slowly warm up to the idea that feelings are unpredictable and that his brother is not being replaced and will always have a place in their hearts.

“Just… I love you.” 

Ajax froze, eyes widening at Lumine’s smile. It was unexpected, he thought Lumine will shrug it off as nothing and he’ll be left with anxious thoughts of Lumine being unhappy again.

He was the persistent one in pursuing their relationship, helping Lumine became comfortable with her feelings and accept the fact that she loves another man now. 

And while Lumine had finally given up and freely chose to fall in love again, there’s still a bit of insecurity at the back of Ajax’s mind.

Even if they moved to a new home, spent passionate nights together, and Qiqi being a huge Papa’s girl, Ajax still can’t help but feel insecure about his standing in Lumine’s life, did he push her too much? Forced and chained her with him?

Those words rarely leave Lumine’s mouth, only answering it back when Ajax started it, but now that Lumine finally said it first, Ajax can’t help but feel his eyes water, nonetheless, he said it back, “I love you too.” with another kiss on her hand.

~~~

“What is she doing?” Lumine asked curiously as she helps Ajax clean the dishes by wiping the rinsed ones and placing them back on the rack.

Ajax hummed before looking at where Qiqi was. The little girl was crushing some of her animal crackers in a little bowl by the window. 

“Oh, well, the other day we were watching the animal channel and it’s talking about birds, Qiqi seems fascinated by the finches it seems and wonders if they would like animal crackers. I’m assuming she’s trying to lure them.” Ajax chuckled.

Ever since moving together, Ajax had decided to start working from home, not just it’s more convenient, but he also thought it’ll help Lumine, who used to bring Qiqi with her to work. While her uncles don’t mind watching over her, their work environment isn’t the most ideal for children. Being separated from each other wasn’t as easy as she thought, well it’s harder on Lumine; the first day away was spent with her calling Ajax every hour to see how Qiqi is doing. Qiqi, on the other hand, is actually fine being left behind with Ajax, which still baffles her cause she could never leave her with a babysitter before. But then she remembers how Ajax is part of Qiqi’s life ever since she was born. He’s always been there enough for Qiqi to think she’s her father. 

While Ajax certainly didn’t mind the title, instead, welcoming and taking the role seriously, Lumine wasn’t comfortable at first and had tried to subtly make Qiqi call him something else instead. Ajax respected her wishes, even helping her introduce Zhongli as her father. 

Qiqi can’t quite grasp the concept yet, how can this man on the picture be her Papa when he’s not there to tell her stories about the Legendary Cocogoat and tuck her into bed and kiss her forehead? 

Ajax and Lumine had explained in a sugarcoated way that her Papa is in a better place now but he’s always watching over her.

It still didn’t make sense to Qiqi, nor thought it was a big deal due to her age and would continue to call Ajax as her father. 

Lumine was already considering researching about explaining life and death to Qiqi, but Ajax had expressed discomfort, explaining that a child’s innocence should be preserved. Lumine stated that Ajax won’t be able to protect Qiqi forever, but she did agree that it’s a bit early.

They gave up at one point since it’s starting to upset the child as well, claiming that Ajax doesn’t love her and her mama is mean even if she was just gently correcting her. 

It broke both of their hearts, causing them to apologise and just let Qiqi be, besides, isn’t Ajax basically another father for her anyway? They’ll just save the talk again once she’s at the appropriate age.

“When do you think she’ll start asking for a pet?” Lumine chuckled.

“Hm, I mean it wouldn’t be bad getting her some finches, they’re actually low maintenance birds. We can buy a spacious cage in our garden and appropriate food for their diet.” Ajax considered, “I think it’s perfect for Qiqi since she’s more fond of observing than petting animals.” 

Lumine hums, thinking about the time where Qiqi was fascinated by her Auntie Xiangling’s pet panda, Guoba. The little girl was in awe as her magenta eyes followed whatever Guoba is doing. Pretty much squealing in delight when Guoba does something silly, only daring to approach and pet the animal when Xiangling’s holding the animal to avoid any unexpected accidents.

“I think it will be good, I’ll ask Aether about it as well though,” Lumine said as she placed the last of the dishes in its proper place. 

“I’m pretty sure he’ll suggest getting a dog instead.” Ajax laughed before drying his hands and pulling Lumine in his arms, nuzzling his face against her neck, “I mean, I’m not opposed to that idea as well.” 

“Well, maybe we can ask Qiqi what she thinks, though I’m pretty sure she’ll choose the finches,” she said leaning back and sighing to his touch, he had always been a touchy lover, but Lumine doesn’t mind it one bit.

“I have that feeling as well.” Ajax chuckled.

“Anyway, don’t you have work to do?” Lumine asked as she turned around facing Ajax and poking his cheek, “I’m pretty sure I saw Scaramouche threatening you in your messages. Have you been slacking off your work, Mr Tartaglia?” she teased, the phrase coming from their college days where Ajax isn’t too keen on finishing an individual paper from a minor class.

Ajax rolled his eyes, “The midget is threatening me to go along with his story that the Tsaritsa made him stay overtime to work on a report about our branch in Inazuma, how he was so desperate to go home but his phone died and he couldn’t message his wife, instead of him actually being too focused on work he forgot their anniversary date.” 

“Hm, I feel like Mona will know either way.” Lumi said as she thought about it, “She always does.” 

“And she probably will still murder him even if I went along with it. His fault and not my problem.” Ajax shrugged.

“I’m pretty sure he’ll do the same when you’re in the same situation.” Lumine snickered.

Ajax gave her an offended look, “How dare you, I’ll never forget such an important date.”

Lumine raised an eyebrow, “Yeah? Well, when’s ours?” 

“November 11, at 4:22 pm if you wanna be specific.” Ajax grinned at Lumine’s surprised face, “Told you, ojou-chan~” he used his special nickname for her before kissing the tip of her nose.

Lumine was about to retort back, but Qiqi had walked into the kitchen with her an assortment of toys, “Mama, Papa, play with Qiqi now?” she asked hopefully.

They both smiled warmly before untangling themselves from each other, “Papa will just make a call then I’ll join you and Mama, yeah?” he said as he knelt down to Qiqi’s height.

“Okay.” she smiled brightly before Ajax left to his office, she turned to her mother with a smile, “Mama, let’s go! Qiqi thought lots of games to play with Mama.” 

Lumine smiled before letting her daughter drag her to her playroom. It’s been a while since Lumine had taken a couple of days off from their bakery, though she comes home at 6 pm every night, Qiqi would complain that she was gone for forever and missed so much playtime with her and while she loves her papa so much, she misses playing with her mama as well.

As Qiqi continues to talk about what they’ll do, Lumine can’t help but feel happily content with how her life is now.

~~~

White… Everything is all white...

He doesn’t exactly remember where he was, nor how he got there.

Hell, he doesn’t even know who he is.

Nor who the golden-haired girl is that sometimes appears in the distance.

All he knows is that if he finally reaches her, 

He’ll be home.

[paulnnccartney]

Do You Know Who You Are?

“Do You Know Who You Are As You Lie There Sleeping?” is the title of one of part of the movement Crises in Paul’s Liverpool Oratorio. I saw someone post an article about it, and it opened talking about how that phrase is (allegedly) what the police officer driving John to the hospital after he was shot said to him, and probably the last words he ever heard. Now, I assumed it was probably subconscious or a coincidence on Paul’s part, until later in the article he admitted that that was indeed the inspiration:

“When I read the story of John’s shooting, there was a bit in it where he’s in the ambulance going to the hospital, and apparently it’s standard procedure to whoever it is who’s been shot or injured, ‘Do you know who you are?’ Which I thought was very ironic to ask John. I could almost imagine him laughing. ‘Oh, God, the final irony!’ ‘Do you know who you are?’ ‘Yeah, I’m John Lennon.’ So, I always remembered that phrase and I worked it into the oratorio.”

- Paul in Musician Magazine, 1995

(Side note: this might be me reading too much into things, but Paul’s choice of words in the above quote are interesting. When he says, “When I read the story of John’s shooting, there was a bit in it when...” the phrasing makes it sound like he’s talking about a book or a film. “there was a bit in it when...” is how someone normally talks about some book or something they’ve read, not a real event. So, Paul unable to come to terms/accept it was real/blah blah etc. etc.?)

Now, if I had to guess, I’m sure Paul would say that the inspiration doesn’t go past the title, but looking at the lyrics to the entire movement (including the sections before and after Do You Know Who You Are?), the relation to John and the circumstances of his death are pretty much undeniable and heartbreaking in the end. I’ll put the entirety of the lyrics under the cut at the end, but I’ll put snippets here.

“Nurse: Do you know who you are / As you lie there sleeping? / Time to rest your troubled head. / I will watch over you till the moment you awake. [...] You were brought in from the street / And a witness said you gave a shout / As you fell down at his feet.”

(TW: description of death) This bit is a nurse talking to Mary Dee, who, after having a row with her husband runs out from the house and is hit by a car. The connection to the story of Julia’s death is a bit obvious here to say the least. Additionally, the imagery of giving a shout and falling down at the witness’s feet is eerily reminiscent of John’s death outside the Dakota, where he apparently shouted “I’ve been shot” as he tried to get up the stairs. (Plus, Paul has used this motif before in Give My Regards to Broad Street. During the Eleanor Rigby’s Dream sequence, a strange 1800s fever dream, the man that stole Paul’s tapes is stabbed by someone else trying to get the tapes, stumbles around the city bleeding out, and eventually collapses dead on the stairs as Paul watches on in horror from the top.)

The row between Mary Dee and her husband, Shanty, a drunk, happens over money and Shanty’s feelings of inadequacy. Shanty makes a dig, questioning her love for him, and that’s what causes her to run out of the house, revealing to him that she is pregnant as she leaves. 

At one point, Mary Dee sings:

“Mary Dee: It’s one mad dash / To fame and fortune / The cymbals clash / And then you’re gone / [...] / What good is complaining / It’s getting you nowhere / And I’m in the middle of your whirlwind / In the eye of your storm”

Shanty then replies:

“Shanty: And what about me? / I suppose I don’t matter / I’m not even sure / If you ever loved me”

The role of Shanty in some ways echos John’s insecurities (minus the money bit) in both his feelings of inadequacy, as well as his questioning of his partner’s love for him.

Later on, Mary Dee, as she’s sleeping in the hospital, starts to hallucinate ghosts calling to her child to take it away with them, and she shouts at them to leave, trying to keep her child alive:

“Ghosts: The child is / Most welcome. / Soon one of us. / Mary Dee:  No, I tell you! / You’ll never get through, / I’ll never let you. / No one is stealing this child. / I’m not afraid of / Ghosts that the past left behind.”

It expresses regret about the past, ghosts that still haunt her, and that she seems to blame them for her and her child’s possible fate. Then, Shanty joins in, praying over Mary Dee and trying to bargain in order to keep her alive:

“Shanty: Let her recover, / Then let me love her / Until we run out of time. / And in the future, / I promise to be the man / She had in mind.”

This, too, expresses regret about the past and seems to blame past actions for the current circumstances. As the possibility of losing Mary Dee becomes all too real, Shanty realizes his past mistakes and prays for the chance to right them. It follows a very common theme of Paul’s, which is waiting to do something because you think you have time, and not realizing until it’s too late that all the time has run out.

“Mary Dee: Do we live in a world / With an uncertain future / Where a man is unsure of his fate? / Will we come to our senses, / Be fair to each other? / Can we turn it around / Before it’s too late? / Do I know that we have the answer? / Yes, I know now / We are together”

Again, expressing the same sentiment of waiting too long to do or say the things you mean to. Plus, the phrase “can we turn it around” is one Paul uses very often in reference to John (yes I’m aware this is a very common phrase, but please bear with me as I continue my conspiracy theories). Paul constantly says that he is endlessly thankful that he and John were able to turn it around and get it back together before he died, and how upset George was that he wasn’t able to turn things around with John.

“Mary Dee: So we must bear in mind / The pages are turning / And the sands will run out of the glass. / In the heat of the battle / We will drive out the demons / And we’ll carry the day / For we must save the child.”

Same idea here. Plus, lots of references to other Paul lyrics. “The sand will run out of the glass” is reminiscent of “All of the clocks have run down / Time’s at an end / We’ll be the lovers that never were” from, well, The Lovers that Never Were. 

“In the heat of the battle” is also used in Save Us, which goes “Keep on sending your love / In the heat of battle / You’ve got something that’ll save us”.

And finally, “we will drive out the demons” reminds me of Demons Dance. The lyrics are “I can’t wait till I hear you tell me that you want me / Till then my dreams are gonna haunt me / Got my demons doing such a happy dance [...] Exorcise my demons, cast them out today / Only you can do it, make them go away / Let me know you love me, tell me there’s a chance / I don’t want to sit and watch my demons dance”

Finally, Mary Dee and Shanty come together and Mary Dee is saved:

“Mary Dee and Shanty: We have come to our senses, / We are part of each other / And we’ll carry the day / For we must save the child. / Ghosts: Do you know that you have the answer? / Mary Dee and Shanty: Yes, we know now. / We know now. / We are together.”

So, finally, they’ve been given a second chance, and in agreeing to reconcile their arguments and disagreements of the past, they’ve overcome. The solution seems to be that they are together as one, and in the final movement (Peace), their togetherness and reconciliation is what finally brings them everlasting love and peace.

I’ll leave you with what the Musician Magazine article says: “The series of crises flowing in and out of the fading consciousness of the character in the song – a mother being struck down by a car, an unborn baby struggling to hang onto life, a husband who goes off on a drunken weekend only to return and ask forgiveness of his wife – are probably the same as the emotional flashpoints of John Lennon’s life.  That this impressionistic life-flashing-before-your-eyes lyric is interrupted with a repetition of the last words Lennon heard as he was dying makes “Do You Know Who You Are?” vivid, poignant, and a bit shocking at the same time”.

(P.S. I’m aware that there are a lot of reaches here, and I’m not trying to add to the narrative that the only emotional event/important person in Paul’s life was John. I’m sure the inspiration for this movement came from many places, and the other songs I mentioned are probably about other people as well. Just having fun.)

Lyrics:

(Mary Dee and Shanty's home)

MARY DEE (alone in bedroom) The world you're coming into, Is no easy place to enter. Every day is haunted By the echoes of the past. Funny thoughts and wild, wild dreams Will find their way into your mind.

The clouds that hang above us, May be full of rain and thunder. But in time they slide away To find the sun still there. Lazy days and wild, wild flowers Will bring some joy into your heart. And I will always love you, I'll welcome you into this world.

MARY DEE and BOY SOLO You-re mine and I will love you.

(Hospital)

NURSE

Do you know who you are As you lie there sleeping? Take the time to rest your troubled head. I will watch over you till the moment you awake.

Can you hear what I say As you lie there sleeping? When misfortunes crowd into your day And the dark side of life Has become too much to bear, I will stay by your side. Though we don't yet know if there's something wrong You were brought in from the street And a witness said you gave a shout As you fell down at his feet.

We are running tests And soon the results will be known. But I feel I have to warn you, There may be complications.

But we don't yet know if your child is in danger. We shall have to wait and see. In the meantime There is nothing more for you to do But sleep.

BOYS Ghosts of the past left behind.

MEN'S CHORUS (ghosts) You're sleeping Amongst us. We're in your dream.

NURSE You're dreaming, try to rest, my child.

MEN'S CHORUS (ghosts) You called us, We heard you And we are here.

NURSE To save your child you must be still.

MEN'S CHORUS (ghosts) We're ready to listen To what you ask.

NURSE Go to sleep

WOMEN'S CHORUS (ghosts) You're crossing The water, The tide is strong.

MARY DEE No!

WOMEN'S CHORUS (ghosts) Your child is drawn to us, Into our throng.

SHANTY No!

FULL CHORUS (ghosts) This child is Most welcome. Soon one of us.

MARY DEE No, I tell you! You'll never get through, I'll never let you. No-one is stealing this child. I'm not afraid of Ghosts that the past left behind.

SHANTY Let her recover, Then let me love her Until we run out of time. And in the future I will promise to be the man She had in mind.

NURSE Be still, Be calm. Your child is safe.

MARY DEE Do we live in a world With an uncertain future Where a man is unsure of his fate? Will we come to our senses, Be fair to each other? Can we turn it around Before it's too late?

Do I know that we have the answer? Yes, I know now We are together.

So we must bear in mind That the pages are turning And the sand will run out of the glass. In the heat of the battle We will drive out the demons And we'll carry the day, For we must save the child.

MARY DEE and NURSE (Ah)

MARY DEE and SHANTY We have come to our senses, We are part of each other And we'll carry the day, For we must save the child.

CHORUS Do you know that you have the answer?

MARY DEE and SHANTY Yes, we know now.

CHORUS We know now.

MARY DEE and SHANTY We know now. We are together.

[wittyvitale]

The Only Family I Have (A Neflix Castlevania Fanfic)

Summary:  Trevor tells Sypha that he doesn't want her fighting night creatures now that she's pregnant. Sypha suspects that something else is troubling Trevor and encourages him to open up. This leads to a vulnerable Trevor who finally starts to process his childhood trauma. Angst, Fluff, PTSD, Mentions of Dead Children

The midwife left and Trevor and Sypha were once again alone in the Belmont home. Sypha was grinning ear to ear.

“4 months along and our little one is healthy.” Sypha said with a smile, sitting on the couch and putting her feet up. Trevor sat next to her and placed a gentle hand on her stomach.

“Yup. Nice to get some good news for a change.” Trevor said.

“But that eel monster is still in the lake a few miles from here, yes?” Sypha asked. “We should take care of that soon.”

“You mean I should take care of that soon.”

Sypha frowned. “Noooo, we’re a team, Belnades and Belmont, remember? We’ll go together, take down the eel, and put the villagers’ minds at rest.”

“Sypha, you’re pregnant.”

Sypha raised an eyebrow. “I am aware, Trevor, I was the one who told you that.”

Trevor found himself growing frustrated. “It’s not just your own life you have to worry about anymore, Sypha. You’re carrying our child. You can’t just keep going off fighting night creatures whenever you want to anymore.”

Sypha also found her frustration growing. “Trevor, I’m pregnant, not infirm. I can still fight just fine. And it’s not like this eel monster is Dracula, from what I’ve been told it’s a small creature that can easily be taken down. I don’t even have to get near it, I can use ice from a distance to skewer it and-“

“I said no, Sypha,” Trevor interrupted, tone becoming more aggressive than he intended. “I’m not letting you, who’s carrying our unborn child, near a monster that could potentially get you both killed.”

Sypha was about to argue back, but the look in Trevor’s eyes gave her pause. He didn’t look angry, even though that’s what his tone implied. He looked scared. Sypha saw genuine fear in Trevor’s eyes. This was the man who had helped take down Dracula and defeated all types of powerful night creatures, and even during those times, he never looked as scared as he did now. Sypha gently took Trevor’s face in her hands and turned his gaze towards hers.

“Trevor,” Sypha said gently, her facial features softening. “Tell me what’s wrong. This is about more than me fighting an eel monster, isn’t it?”

Trevor felt his own expression soften and turned his gaze downwards. Sypha tilted his chin back up.

“Treffy, please. You’re supposed to share things with your wife when you’re upset. Please don’t shut me out.”

Trevor looked back at Sypha and took a deep breath.

“I… I used to have such a big family, y’know,” Trevor started. “My mum, my dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, older and younger siblings. And we all lived right here.”

Trevor smiled wistfully before he continued. “I never told you about my siblings, did I? I was the third oldest of 6 kids. I had 2 older brothers, Gabriel and Joshua. And then I had 1 little brother and 2 little sisters; David, Elizabeth, and Lena. I roughhoused with Gabe and Josh all the time, but I never did with the younger ones. David was born a little sickly, so I was pretty gentle with him. And Lizzy and Lena were just babies, so I was more protective of them than anything else. Heh, Lizzy used to follow me around everywhere. Just me, none of the others. Honestly, it annoyed me; I was a 12-year-old boy, I wanted to be tough, give off the image of being a ‘manly man,’ and I couldn’t really do that with a little girl following me around.”

Trevor stopped suddenly. Sypha looked at him deeply, hanging onto his every word. She saw tears fall down Trevor’s cheeks and her heart just broke. This was the first time Trevor had ever cried in front of her. Trevor pushed the heel of his palm to his face.

“And now… God, I’d give anything to have Lizzy follow me around again,” Trevor choked out, continuing to cry. “Those bastards burned all of them. David, Lizzy, even Lena. Baby Lena, who wasn’t even a year old. I lost all of them and I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t save any of them. Y’know, over the years I’ve constantly asked myself why I was the only one who survived. I wish it had been me instead of them. I’d gladly trade places with any of them so they could still be here today. I failed all of them.”

“Oh Trevor, no,” Sypha said softly, feeling tears brim in her own eyes. She sat up and wrapped her arms around Trevor’s neck, bringing his head into her chest. “Trevor, you couldn’t have done anything. You were so young, you couldn’t have known what was coming. You can’t blame yourself for something so horrific.”

“Christ, Sypha, I miss them so much. That was my family. Everything was taken away from me in a single night. I was alone for so long. But then I met you and…”

Sypha was starting to put the pieces together.

“I’m the closest thing you’ve had to a family since your home was burned down.” Sypha finished, running her hand though Trevor’s hair. “Oh Trevor.”

“Now you’re pregnant. And I’m starting to realize that I can lose both of you as easily as I lost the rest of my family. I don’t think I can go through that again, Sypha.”

Sypha continued to hold Trevor to her chest and let him cry. “It’s all right, just let it out. Just let it out.”

Sypha and Trevor stayed like this for a while, Sypha gently rocking Trevor while he cried in her chest. Finally, Trevor’s tears slowed down and he sat back up. Sypha still kept her hand on his cheek.

“Thank you for sharing this with me, Trevor,” Sypha began. “I wasn’t thinking, I’m so sorry. Of course you’d be worried for me after everything you’ve been through. You can take care of the eel monster without me, I’m fine sitting this one out.”

“No, don’t do that,” Trevor replied with a sniff. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. I should be the one apologizing to you. How are you supposed to know what I’m thinking if I don’t tell you? I know you could kill that eel monster in your sleep. I just… I just…”

“Wanted to protect me,” Sypha replied. She looked down at her stomach and rested her hand on it. “Wanted to protect us.”

Trevor nodded. “Yeah.”

Sypha kissed Trevor on the cheek, which still tasted of salt from his tears. “I’m very lucky to have a husband like you. One who wants to protect me while also acknowledging my strengths. Most men can’t do the latter, you know?”

Sypha snuggled into Trevor’s chest and he wrapped a protective arm around her stomach.

“So how about a compromise?” Sypha asked. “Because you know I won’t be able to sit out of every monster fight for the next few months. How about we take care of the eel monster tomorrow? I’ll stay far away while you take the lead. And we’ll talk about any other night creature that shows up in the area. If I think they pose any risk to myself or the baby, I won’t go. But we’ll talk about all of these together ok? We’ll be a team, Belnades and Belmont, just as we always are. Deal?”

Trevor, for the first time since allowing himself to be vulnerable, smiled and kissed Sypha on the head. “Deal.”

End Notes:  Trevor is so broken and in so much pain due to what he experienced as a child. I wanted to write about him starting the healing process. Thanks for reading.

[priorireverte]

Congratulations Ashley!

Your application for Andromeda Tonks has been accepted. She’s going to have a lot to deal with. At least it looks like her spouse is on the horizon soon! Unless that just causes more problems.

Please look to the checklist for the next steps and reach out if you have any questions!

OUT OF CHARACTER

NAME & PRONOUNS: Ashley / she/her

TIMEZONE: EST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I would consider myself to be fairly active! I work a full-time job which is 3 12 hour shifts per week, so I’m usually not around on those days other than mobile. However, I’m usually always around on discord if needed. On my days off, I’m always active unless something else comes up!

ANYTHING ELSE: N/A to triggers! I’ve been writing and roleplaying since 2006 aka the days of myspace. I’ve been roleplaying on tumblr and in the Harry Potter community since 2009. Also ! My rp partner is applying for Ted and we’ve discussed their background together and are a cohesive unit, LOL!

CHARACTER DETAILS

NAME: Andromeda Dorea Tonks (nee Black)

BIRTHDATE: 12 February, 1954

DEATHDATE: N/A

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cisfemale, she/her, pansexual

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin

OCCUPATION: Healer at St. Mungo’s. After the deaths of her husband and her daughter, Andromeda only remained on as part time staff due to her commitment to raising her grandson. With her son-in-law back from the dead and expecting his son, Andromeda has picked up more shifts to distract herself from her mixed bag of feelings.

FACECLAIM: Rachel Weisz

CHARACTER BACKGROUND

POSTBELLUM

War is ruinous. It’s evil and endless. It’s something that Andromeda has learned. Now, she’s lived through two wars and managed to lose almost everything. During the first war, Andromeda refused to choose a side. She remained strictly neutral. Supporting the Death Eaters was what her family expected from her. However, she didn’t share the same beliefs. Supporting the Order, however, felt like the ultimate betrayal. Something that she couldn’t explain. So, she remained neutral. When the second war began to brew, she supported the Order because of her daughter’s involvement as an auror. She and Ted were never official members of the Order, but they helped where they could. This later led to the both of them being tortured for information by Death Eaters. The two were shaken, but otherwise okay, thankfully. Andromeda didn’t turn her back on the Order after this. If anything, it only made her support stronger.

When Nymphadora learned that she was pregnant, Andromeda was overjoyed, but afraid just the same. Edward went on the run due to the persecution of muggleborns and Andromeda had never been so afraid in her life. Ted was the only family that she’d had. The only person that she’d relied on for years. When the news of Edward’s death came, Andromeda tried her best to keep a brave face in front of others. She knew that the war was far from over and she couldn’t bear to upset her pregnant daughter.

Nymphadora gave birth to a bouncing baby boy and everything seemed right, if only for a moment. They honored Edward in the name and he had equal parts of her daughter and son-in-law. Andromeda begged Nymphadora to stay home, to not go to the Battle of Hogwarts, but she went anyways. The news of her daughter’s death at her sister’s hands broke Andromeda completely. She had a newborn, now, that she was responsible for and in the first few months of his life, she wasn’t sure who cried more.

If it weren’t for Teddy, Andromeda doesn’t know if she would have been able to go on. Her grandson gave her life purpose. She had reminders of the two people that she loved most and Teddy became the third. She’s taken to part time at the hospital while she’s cared for him the past couple of years.

The news of the dead coming back is all the rage and Andromeda is skeptical. Despite the skepticism, she was also hopeful for a very brief second. Then, she was disappointed and then her anger took another turn. She hoped for her husband. For her daughter. For her cousin. So far, she’s gotten none of them. The news of Remus being back has placed a pit inside her stomach that she can’t handle. She wants to be happy, but she also abhors the thought of losing her only link to her daughter, to her husband. She doesn’t know how she’s going to cope.

PERSONALITY

(+) Ambitious: Andromeda excels at anything she puts her mind to and more. Failure is not an option for her. It is a trait that she learned from her father.

(+) Eloquent: Growing up in one of the pureblood elitist families, Andromeda was taught how to be very persuasive. She knows how to use this trait and although she doesn’t use it much, it is always in her back pocket when she needs it.

(-) Stubborn: Andromeda’s stubbornness will one day more than likely get her into trouble. When she decides on something, it is rare that she changes her mind. She does not like to admit that she is wrong and rarely does so.

(-) Conflicted: Andromeda knew that befriending muggleborns would upset her family. It was against the beliefs that she had always been taught. Since her Hogwarts days, she was always incredibly conflicted. She felt a strong sense of duty to her family, but felt unable to meet their demands. When she fell in love with Ted, she knew it was the final nail in her coffin. Andromeda no longer struggles with the choices that she made. She sticks with them. However, she will always be conflicted over the bond she still feels towards her family.

ENFJ – The Giver - “Popular and sensitive, with outstanding people skills. Externally focused, with real concern for how others think and feel. Usually, dislike being alone. They see everything from the human angle, and dislike impersonal analysis. Interested in serving others, and probably place the needs of others over their own needs.”

Andromeda has the fatal flaw in which she decides that others needs are more important than her own. It was only magnified when she became a mother herself. Her people skills were groomed to perfection when she was forced to attend the numerous pureblood galas as a teenager. As a healer, she enjoys being able to put back together the hurt and heal those that are harmed by those closest to her blood relations.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY

Andromeda Dorea Tonks nee Black is the original family disappointment. Cygnus and Druella prayed for a boy the second time around and when Andromeda came out a girl, it was where the disappointment started. Growing up, she always felt like the odd one out. She wasn’t strong and fiercely loyal like Bellatrix. She wasn’t graceful and beautiful like Narcissa. She was the middle child through and through. Despite the disappointment and the short comings that she could not prevent, Andromeda’s loyalty was to her family. The Black family had a strong name within society. They were revered. A part of the sacred 28. Any child of the Black family would act like they were one.

She grew up with pureblood beliefs force-fed to her and being taught to believe nothing else, she actually thought that they were the only way of life. Andromeda was sorely mistaken, however, and she didn’t realize how much so until she met Ted Tonks. Edward Tonks changed everything for her. Ted Tonks was a muggleborn boy and although she didn’t want to admit it, she was smitten. Her resolve faded during their years at Hogwarts and eventually, she couldn’t deny the chemistry anymore. The rest of their years at Hogwarts were filled with letters written in invisible ink, heated meetings in empty classrooms, and plenty of sneaking around.

She struggled with her feelings for Ted and her loyalty to her family for years, until one day she chose Ted. She found out that she was pregnant and she knew it’d be the final nail in her coffin. Andromeda chose Edward and their unborn daughter and she was promptly burned from the Black family tree. Family is important to Andromeda; however, she’s learned over the years that chosen family can be more important than blood relatives.

Despite all of this, she still feels a sense of loyalty to Narcissa. A feeling like reconciliation wouldn’t be so bad. Bellatrix – however – she knows they’ll never repair their relationship. Not after what was done to Nymphadora.

After losing her husband and her daughter, Andromeda clings to her grandson. A reminder of what she’s lost – in the likeness and the name. The idea that she’s going to lose him too is killing her inside.

HISTORY

What was their life before the end of the war in ‘98 or before their death? What was important and formative for them?

Hogwarts: Andromeda’s early life was filled with piano lessons, ballet lessons, and etiquette training. She was to be the perfect pureblood daughter, even if she was a disappointment. Her parents spoke of their beliefs and taught them to their daughters, accepting no questions. Until Andromeda went to Hogwarts, the pureblood beliefs were all that she knew. She knew that she was above everyone else because she had pure blood and that she should never question it. The moment that she was sent to Hogwarts; everything changed. The things that her parents had taught her to believe – they simply weren’t true. The muggleborns and the halfbloods weren’t different than she was. In fact, there were some that were truly brilliant.

For the first few months of her education, she kept her nose up in the air because she knew her older sister was watching her every move. Andromeda pretended like she wasn’t curious to know more. Like she didn’t have questions. It was only the moment that Bellatrix looked away that she discovered everything she knew to be a lie.

Edward Tonks: When she met Edward Tonks for the first time, Andromeda didn’t give him a second thought. It was only after months of studying and tutoring that things began to shift. She began to think about him moreso than she’d like to admit. Their gazes would meet over the school books because neither of them was paying attention to their texts. Soon, the two began to sneak around, knowing the dangers that this posed for the both of them if they were to be caught. Thankfully, they weren’t caught until Andromeda chose Ted. She chose him over her family and never looked back.

Ted changed everything for Andromeda and she doesn’t deny a moment of it to this day.

Healing: Despite the arguments from her family, Andromeda chose to take a healing internship at St. Mungo’s after she graduated from Hogwarts. Her parents were not pleased and that was putting it lightly. Why should she work when all she needed to be good for was a quiet, proper pureblood wife and mother? Her parents had the perfect pureblood for her to marry, but Andromeda didn’t want any part of it. She decided to do what she loved and being a healer was everything that she needed. She needed to do some good in the world to cancel out all of the bad that was happening around them.

Nymphadora: Finding out that she was pregnant with her daughter was the final nail in her coffin. It was the final sign that she’d never be welcome on the Black family tree again. The moment that she found out that she was pregnant, Andromeda was terrified. She didn’t have a great relationship with her mother when she was growing up. She didn’t know how to be a mother. How could she take care of a child? Despite her fear, she told Ted and she’s not sure she’s ever seen him so happy before. Andromeda is fearful her entire pregnancy. She despises herself for it. It’s something that she hides. However, the first time that her daughter is placed in her arms, it’s something that comes naturally. Her love for her daughter is something that she can’t explain, but she knows that Nymphadora is the person that she loves the most in the world. Her new favorite job is being a mother.

All of her life, Andromeda tries to protect her daughter. From the evil things in the world. She tries to shield her from the things that will hurt her. The Black family. The war. When Nymphadora decides that she wants to be an auror, Andromeda supports her, but knows that she can’t protect her baby from everything. Inevitably, she’s unable to.

OOC EXPLORATION

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? I love the idea of this roleplay and bringing back the dead. I think it’s an amazing idea and I cannot wait to interact with others and see the interactions that will play out. I love the passion that everyone seems to have for writing and I’m excited to possibly join the fun.

ANYTHING ELSE? Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/sortoutherpriorities/she-walks-in-beauty-andromeda-black-tonks/ Boggart: As a child and a teenager, Andromeda’s boggart was failing her parents. As it ultimately came true, Andromeda’s boggart eventually changed to the loss of Ted and Nymphadora, which also came true. When she became the primary caregiver of her grandson, her boggart changed once again to the loss of Teddy.

[enchantedlokii]

The Last Great American Dynasty

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: mentions of death, mentions of terrorism

Characters: Pepper Potts, Tony Stark, Dum-E, JARVIS, James Rhodes, Happy Hogan, Peter Parker, Morgan Stark, Lila Barton, Shuri, Harley Keener, Cassie Lang, EDITH

Mentioned: U, Butterfingers, Howard Stark, The Mandarin, Aldrich Killian

“Rebekah rode up on the afternoon train, it was sunny. Her saltbox house on the coast took her mind off St. Louis. Bill was the heir to the Standard Oil name and money. And the town said, ‘How did a middle-class divorcée do it?’”

Pepper’s heels clicked as she made her way down the long stairwell. She smirked when she saw what Tony was up to. The man was arguing with one of the robots that helped around the lab, pointing at it and scolding it like a child. “Be nice to Dum-E, Tony,” she reprimanded, stepping into the workshop. “You’ll hurt his feelings.”

Tony gaped at her, grabbing his chest dramatically. “I’ve been betrayed,” he gasped. “You’re supposed to be on my side, Pep.”

Pepper rolled her eyes and set the paperwork down on the desk he was sitting at. She couldn’t stop herself from leaning over for a kiss. A few years ago, she would have laughed at anyone who suggested she had a thing for her boss. Now it was common knowledge that the two were together.

“Are we going for a drive?” She asked, looking over at the row of cars. “Maybe drive down to the ocean? Find somewhere private?”

“Because it’s not private here?” Tony asked, raising an eyebrow. “Last I checked, it’s just the two of us.”

“The two of us, JARVIS, Dum-E, U, Butterfingers,” she listed, looking over at the robot that was now distracted picking up spilled parts. “Let’s go somewhere that it’s really just the two of us. No tech. No suits.” She glanced over at the line of different suits enclosed in glass. “Just us.”

And that’s how Pepper found herself wanting her life to be. It wasn’t always easy being the girlfriend of someone like Tony Stark. They were never truly alone. There was always paparazzi or agents or someone watching them. And people liked to talk. They liked to twist words and create tales. And she understood it when she first started working for Stark Industries. The company was none for the scandals and the questionable decisions that Tony made, and before him, Howard. But that was before.

Not everyone could see that Tony had changed, but she could. She knew that he was different now. She knew that he cared for her and that he wanted nothing more than to protect her. His eyes sparkled now as he looked at her. “Okay,” he breathed. “Let’s go.”

“The wedding was charming, if a little gauche. There’s only so far new money goes. They picked out a home and called it ‘Holiday House.’ Their parties were tasteful, if a little loud. The doctor had told him to settle down. It must have been her fault his heart gave out.”

“You okay, Tony?”

Tony glanced over his shoulder and saw that Rhodey had came in. He had a red tux on that Tony had picked out for him to wear. Happy had a similar one on. But there was another matching tux hanging on the closet. “I’m okay,” he replied, giving his friend a small smile. “Just. . . He was supposed to be here.”

Rhodey frowned, glancing over at the suit. He looked back at Tony and walked over, putting a hand on his shoulder. “He wouldn’t want you to be upset,” Rhodey reminded him, crouching down to be level with him as he sat. “You know he’s here in spirit. He’ll be watching, and I bet his cheers will be the loudest of all.”

Tony smiled and hugged his friend. “Thanks, Rhodey,” he whispered, his voice shaking. “I-I think I’m ready.”

“Great,” Rhodey replied, holding out a hand to help him up. “Let’s get you out there.”

Tony could feel his heart pounding as he let Rhodey lead him outside. Everyone turned to look at him, smiling. His chest ached. It always ached some, but more than usual now. Because there were empty seats in the crowd. They had lost.

He stepped off the porch, glancing back at the beautiful home behind him. He loved the lake house, and so did Pepper. It was safe, tucked away in the woods of Upstate New York. It was a great place to raise their unborn daughter.

But not even the beauty of the home compared to how Pepper looked when she finally stepped out, a veil covering her ginger hair. The tight-fitted dress made her small bump visible, and she held one arm around it protectively. She would do whatever it took to protect her child. And so would he.

“And they said: There goes the last great American dynasty. Who knows, if she never showed up, what could’ve been. There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen. She had a marvelous time ruining everything.”

“Mommy!”

Pepper forced a smile as Morgan ran towards her, a wide smile on her face. She crouched down and held out her arms, pulling the girl close to her chest and stroking her hair. She didn’t even realize she was crying until a sob escaped her throat. How was she supposed to explain to her baby that her dad wasn’t coming home?

“Mommy, why you crying?” Morgan asked, looking up at her with wide eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Sweetie,” Pepper choked out, pulling Morgan closer once again. “Y-you know how sometimes bad things happen? H-how Daddy has to help fix them?”

“Yeah,” Morgan said quietly.

“Morgan. . . Baby, he went to go help. You know that. He went to try to bring Peter home. You remember him telling you that, right?” she asked.

“Mommy, I’m scared,” Morgan whimpered. Pepper only held on tighter, unable to stop the streams of tears that spilled into her daughter’s hair.

“I’m sorry, Baby. Daddy’s not coming home.”

“Rebekah gave up on the Rhode Island set forever. Flew in all her B*tch Pack friends from the city. Filled the pool with champagne and swam with the big names. And blew through the money on the boys and the ballet. And losing on card game bets with Dalí.”

Morgan looked up as someone knocked on the door. She abandoned the project she was working on when she thought she heard her mother moving upstairs. “I’ve got it, Mom!” she called, walking over to the door and swinging it open. She smiled when she saw the familiar faces.

“Morgan!” One of the girls spoke up first; Lila. She was a lot older than Morgan. Most of them were, but their parents were friends. They grew up together. Morgan was smarter than most girls her age, anyway, so they didn’t mind.

One by one, her friends stepped inside. Until one stopped in front of her. “Hey, M,” the boy said softly. He was just a bit taller than her despite being so much older. “How are you, Little Miss?”

Morgan smiled and moved to hug him. “Hey, Petey,” she murmured, pressing her face against his chest. “I’m good. I’m really good.”

“Peter! Morgan! Come on!”

Morgan turned as Shuri waved them over. Her hair was wrapped in a tight bun, and she was pulling her shirt over her head to reveal her green bathing suit. “Let’s go!”

“Okay! Okay!” Morgan called, grabbing Peter’s hand and pulling him over. She made sure to give him a tight squeeze before letting him move to talk to Harley while she joined Lila, Shuri, and Cassie.

The girl pulled the oversized MIT shirt over her head to reveal the red-and-gold bathing suit she was wearing underneath. She grinned widely, heading towards the back door. “Avengers!” All the others looked up at her curiously. “Assemble!”

“And they said: There goes the last great American dynasty. Who knows, if she never showed up, what could’ve been. There goes the most shameless woman this town has ever seen. She had a marvelous time ruining everything.”

Morgan huffed as she dropped the box in her uncle’s trunk. She turned to make sure he wasn’t looking before peeking inside and making sure the nanobot casing was still inside. She grinned and patted it before closing the box back and pushing it against the back of the seat.

“Alright, Morgan, I think this is the last of it,” Rhodey called, carrying a box out of the house. Happy was behind him, talking quietly with Pepper. She silently wished that Peter was here with them, but he stopped by the day before to give her a hug and wish her luck.

“Good,” Morgan said, smiling as Rhodey put the box with the others. “We should probably go ahead and leave then, yeah?”

“Yeah, if we want to get there before dark,” Rhodey agreed, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into a side hug. “Go tell Pep and Happy bye.”

Morgan nodded and ran up the steps to stand in front of the two. “Well,” she started. “This is it.”

Pepper smiled and ran a hand through Morgan’s long hair. “I’m gonna miss you, Baby Girl,” she murmured before pulling her into a hug. “Your dad would be so proud of you. You know that, right?”

Morgan just nodded into her chest. That’s what everyone had told her when she was accepted into MIT. “You think he knows?” she asked quietly.

“I’m sure he does,” Pepper assured her. “I know that he’ll never stop looking out for you. He wouldn’t dare.”

“I hope so,” she mumbled before pulling away and going to hug Happy. “Keep an eye on Peter while I’m gone?”

“Morgan, I’ve been keeping an eye on him since before you were born,” Happy chuckled, rubbing her back. “Don’t worry. I won’t let him do anything stupid while you’re gone.”

“Good,” Morgan smiled. “I’ll miss you, Uncle Happy.”

“I’ll miss you too, Sweet Pea,” he replied. “If you ever get homesick, call me. I don’t care if it’s three in the morning, I’ll come pick you up.”

“Morgan,” Morgan turned back and saw that Rhodey was closing the trunk. “We need to go.”

Morgan nodded and stepped back. “I’ll see you guys at Christmas,” she said, giving them a watery smile. “Love you three thousand.”

“They say she was seen on occasion. Pacing the rocks, staring out at the midnight sea. And in a feud with her neighbor. She stole his dog and dyed it key lime green.”

“Morgan Stark.” Morgan froze, turning slowly and lifting the faceplate of her suit. “So this is what you’ve been up to.”

“Mom, I can explain,” Morgan said, landing the suit and tapping the arc reactor so the suit would retract itself. “It’s not what it looks like.”

“It looks like you’ve been building more suits after I told you not to,” Pepper said, crossing her arms. Her expression was unreadable, and Morgan wasn’t completely sure if she was mad or amused or maybe a bit of both. Maybe even something completely different. “You’re just like Tony.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Morgan asked, unsnapping the arc reactor and rubbing it with her hand. She may not remember much about her father, but she knew that he was a hero. People loved him, and they loved her for being his daughter.

“No,” Pepper sighed, coming closer. “It just worries me, Sweetie. I don’t want to lose you too. You know you’re all I have left.”

“You won’t,” Morgan assured her before falling silent, looking out at the ocean beside them. “I just feel closer to him when I have a suit on.”

“I know,” Pepper murmured, following her gaze. Her gray hair looked silver in the moonlight. “You know, I used to hate his suits. So much. He would spend hours in the workshop sometimes. I almost left him because of it.”

“Yeah?” Morgan asked, still looking at the water.

“Yeah,” Pepper replied, looking down at her feet. “I’m glad that I came to my senses.”

Morgan smirked, glancing over at her. “I’m glad you did too,” she chuckled, earning an eye roll. She smiled as her mom pulled her into a hug. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, Morgan. So much.”

“Fifty years is a long time. Holiday House sat quietly on that beach. Free of women with madness, their men and bad habits. And then it was bought by me.”

Morgan almost sobbed when she saw it. She looked down at the picture in her hand and grinned, looking back at the newly rebuilt penthouse. It looked just like the picture. This. . . This was her dad’s home. And it was beautiful.

“You ready?” Peter asked. He was standing beside her, a hand on her shoulder. He had helped her design the inside of the penthouse, and even helped set up the tech inside. It had been destroyed before he knew her dad, but he was old enough to remember seeing it on TV.

“Yeah,” she breathed, letting him lead her inside. He pushed a button on his glasses. “EDITH, lights.”

As they stepped inside, the lights turned on, brightening the room. The living room was large, a piano resting in the corner beside the couch. It looked just like the pictures that she had seen of the inside when her parents lived there.

“I-it’s perfect,” she breathed. She smiled and squeezed Peter tight. “Thank you so much, Bubba.”

“Of course, Sis,” he replied, kissing the top of her head. “I, um, I have a little surprise for you. Come on.”

Morgan tilted her head slightly before following Peter down the staircase. Morgan’s eyes widened as she saw the workshop. It was much bigger than the one in the lakehouse. She was sure this was the surprise that Peter was talking about, but he held a hand up before she could speak, closing his eyes. “Mr. Stark?”

Morgan blinked, stepping back as a blue figure popped up in front of her. She felt tears in her eyes as she immediately recognized him. “D-Dad?”

“Hey, Maguna,” he greeted her, smiling softly. He glanced around at the room, taking everything in. “Wow, never thought I would see this place again.”

Morgan gaped, looking at Peter. “I-is he. . ? H-how?”

“It’s not new tech,” he shrugged. “I’ve enhanced it. Tested it out with some memories that weren’t uploaded to the system, and. . . Yeah, it’s him.”

Morgan looked back at her father with wide eyes. “You’re real?” she questioned, still in shock. He looked just like she always remembered. Just like that hologram video that she would playback sometimes so she would never forget his voice.

“Yeah, Sweetie. I’m real.”

“Who knows, if I never showed up, what could have been. There goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen. I had a marvelous time ruining everything.”

Morgan let a small growl escape as she made her way downstairs. She picked up a pair of gauntlets and strapped them on, wanting to blast something. To destroy something. Anything. She was muttering under her breath, and nearly walked through the hologram as it appeared in front of her. “Woah, Morgan. What’s wrong?”

“Doesn’t matter,” she muttered, walking past her dad. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Morgan. . .”

“You don’t want to know, Dad,” Morgan huffed. “You’ll be mad at me.”

“Kiddo, you know some of the things I did when I was your age,” Tony pressed. Morgan stopped but didn’t look at him. “Talk to me.”

“The press said I wasn’t fit to run Stark Industries,” she sighed, turning to give him a sad look. She used her hand to pull up an article, letting him read it. “I got mad. Furious. I yelled at them. And it just made everything so much worse. They said I’m unstable. That my temper will destroy the company.”

“Come sit with me,” Tony insisted, walking over to the couch in the corner. Morgan hesitated before joining him. “Did Pepper ever tell you how this place got destroyed?”

“She said it was attacked by terrorists,” Morgan told him. “That it was too damaged to repair.”

“But she didn’t tell you why it was attacked by terrorists?” he asked. After she shook her head he continued. “We never really talked about it much after it happened. It was the worst Christmas we ever had. . . There was this man called the Mandarin. He was claiming responsiblity for dozens of terrorist attacks around the country. One of them happened here in Malibu.

“Happy got caught in the crossfire. It almost killed him, and I was furious. I let the world know, and the next day we were attacked. Turned out the Mandarin was a coverup and it was a man named Aldrich Killian. I had met him once years before and refused to work with him, and he wanted revenge. So he came up with Extremis.”

“Wait, Extremis. . . That’s when you met Harley, right?” she asked. Everything was starting to click together.

“Right,” he replied. “The point is, we make mistakes and we pay the consequences for them. People thought I was crazy for challenging the Mandarin, but in the end, everything turned out fine. I met Harley, me and Rhodey and Pepper stopped Extremis, and no one else died because of Killian.”

“Yeah, but that was you,” Morgan countered. “You’re a hero. An Avenger. I’m just me.”

“I wasn’t always a hero, Bug,” he told her. “I made a lot of mistakes and gained a lot of enemies. My temper was bad too. Just ask your mom or your uncles. It wasn’t pretty.”

“I can’t imagine anyone hating you as much as the press hates me right now,” she sighed, leaning back against the cushion. “I don’t know what to do, Dad.”

“Just don’t let them get to you,” he replied. “Go down to the beach and blow off some steam, then tomorrow get back out there and make sure they know you’re not giving up. Remind them who you are and remind them that Starks don’t give up.”

“I had a marvelous time ruining everything. A marvelous time ruining everything. A marvelous time. I had a marvelous time.”

Morgan took a shaky breath as she walked up to the podium. The room was packed, and only a few faces in the crowd were familiar to her. She glanced down at the hologram on her watch. “You got this, Bug,” her dad whispered, giving her a small smile.

She smiled back and looked up at the people. “Hello, everyone,” she started. She glanced at the cards that she had made, skimming over the scribbled words. “A lot of you have been asking about why I should be given a chance as the next CEO of Stark Industries and. . .”

Morgan trailed off, looking at the cards again. “Really, at first, I wasn’t so sure this was for me,” she said, laying the cards face down on the podium and looking back at the crowd. “Because, really, who could do a better job at this than my parents did?”

She paused, risking a glance down at the image on her watch. Her dad just nodded for her to keep going. Letting her know that this was okay. “The truth is,” she started, looking back up. “I have been working for years to try to live up to my father’s legacy. To be the person that he would want me to be. And he told me once that if I believe something is right, to never give up on it. No matter who tells you that you’re wrong or that you’re crazy.

“I’ve built more arc reactors now than I can count. I was the top of my class at MIT. I’ve recreated every version of the Iron Man suit that’s ever existed, plus more. And I have ideas that no one else is brave enough to try.

“I’ve been called a lot of things since I’ve moved here. I’ve been told that I’m not my father. And I’m not. No one could ever be as great as he was. But I am a Stark and I will fight for this company,” she smirked at a camera, looking around the room. “I’m not Iron Man. I never will be. But I will make sure that the marks he has made are never forgotten.”

[mythologyfolklore]

Baldr in Hel - Ch. 02

(A/N: This contains Baldr having a mental breakdown and also a brief discussion about when an unborn baby gets a soul. There is also a cameo of foreign underworld gods.)

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Baldr's POV

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It had been two days since he had arrived.

At least he thought so.

The underworld sun never set and the UV-A light¹ bathed the entirety of Niflheimr and Helheimr in permanent ghostly twilight. There was no day-night cycle. It seemed to Baldr, like time stood still in this murky, chilly world.

Fortunately the Bright One had quickly figured out, that Hel had a rigid schedule he could orientate himself on.

The meals played a big part: there was a warm and simple breakfast for the Queen of the Dead (and for him, since he had a seat of honour at her table), an opulent lunch and a warm, but light dinner (Hel had told him, that it was better not to eat too much in the evening).

Baldr didn't believe, that the ingredients for the food were home-grown; that was impossible around here. But he didn't dare ask, where they came from.

Hel also had the habit of getting up early, earlier than Baldr was used to. Perhaps it was because his habit was to rise with the sun, or maybe it was the black light of the underworld sun, which made him feel like he was woken up earlier than usual.

Hel's two personal servants, Ganglöt and Ganglati, worked rather slowly (no surprise with how elderly they were) and Hel had advised him to make requests at least an hour in advance, whenever he wanted something.

Baldr had also learned quickly, that Hel was rather morbid, when it came to naming things.

Apart from her gargantuan palace, Éljúðnir, her own bed was named Kór (sickbed), its curtains Blikjandabol (gleaming bale), her table was named Hungr (hunger), her knife Sultr (starvation).

(“Why do you give your possessions such dark names?”

“Why not?”

Later he had learned from her manservant Ganglati, that her gallows humour – which she clearly had got from her father – was her way of coping with her ruined youth.)

And last but not least …

“Uhm, Hel? May I ask you something?”

“Certainly.”

“Why is there a pitfall in front of your audience hall?”

“Oh, you mean Fallandaforað²? That's my threshold.”

Threshold???

“It sorts out anyone who has malicious intent and or is guilty of hubris.”

Now Baldr was even more confused. “Uhm … could you elaborate please?”

“Alright: every soul has an individual signature, made up of character, memories, thoughts and good or bad deeds they have done in life. Over the chasm of my threshold goes an invisible magical film. Most people are able to cross it, no problem. The really bad ones stumble over invisible obstacles, but they get across. But those guilty of hubris or ill intent fall into the chasm. Their punishment is to be lost forever in the deepest and darkest pits of Niflhel.”

Baldr felt a cold shiver run down his spine.

Hel's emotionless tone and face hadn't made her explanation any less scary. Neither did her sudden changed of disposition, when she suggested talking about something more pleasant.

When he asked her personal servants about it, Ganglati, her elderly butler, just laughed: “Well, that's how our queen is. She's very changeable, both in appearance and in demeanour. If she has a blank expression all the time, well, that's just Hel being Hel. But here's a tip; if you want to get a hint on how she's feeling, pay close attention to the state of her left half. The worse her mood is, the more decayed her face is. But if she's happy, it looks just as lively and beautiful as the right side of her body.”

The light god tilted his head in interest. “Is that so?”

“Mhm.”

“You two must have known her for a long time.”

Ganglati nodded affirmatively. “Oh yes. We were already long here, when she came here as a young thing. Such a frightened, poor little lass she was. Such a burden on the shoulder of a ten-year-old. It took her a while to grow into her new role, but we were there through all of it, Ganglöt and I.”

Compassion struck Baldr with an intensity he hadn't felt in quite a while (and he was quite a compassionate person, a “bleeding heart”, as Loki had called it scornfully).

The things this woman must have gone through!

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Hel's POV

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Hel allowed Baldr to roam through the castle, so that he could get used to it (among other reasons).

The Bright One was curious and once he got over his initial apprehension, he asked her a lot of questions, which made her really happy. He was genuinely interested in her place.

Maybe it was selfish, but she would have been a fool, if she hadn't been grateful for this indeed very special revenge kill/“birthday gift” from her father.

Her life wasn't boring per se, just … repetitive. Always the paper work and the soul judging.

Well, at least the upside of the latter was the soul reading. Whatever the soul had experienced, she knew it, their memories, their wishes and hopes, their deepest secrets – some of which even the persons themselves didn't know – and of course their silly little mishaps.

Sometimes being a death goddess could be really fun.

She always had a story to tell and a friend from Hellas had given her the idea to write those stories down. Now she had to employ thousands of librarians to administrate the nigh infinite amount of media in her Halls of Knowledge. But hey, the dead might as well make themselves useful.

Hel was quite sure, that Baldr would be dying to see them, once he found out about them. Maybe she would have to drag him out of there; reading his soul had revealed, that he loved stories and reading.

One thing was for sure: he was really curious about the little light that floated about the hallways of the entire castle. Once Hel was showing him the halls he was going to inhabit, once the problems were fixed, when Baldr caught one of the little lights in his hand. The next moment he yelped, let go and the light quickly escaped.

“It bit me!”, he exclaimed in shock. Hel took a look at his hand. There was no blood, but one of his fingers had a visible bite mark.

She smiled lopsidedly. “You have to excuse them. They panic easily and when they panic, they bite.”

“What are they anyway?”, Baldr asked. “I've been wondering for a while.”

“These, Baldr, are the souls of stillborn children”, Hel revealed. “Babies, who just transformed from a bunch of cells to living, sentient beings, who just gained a soul – only to lose this spark of light almost immediately, before they could even see the world and take their first breath. Some of them had already been born, when they died – usually of sickness, or because they were considered weak and were abandoned. So they're as confused and upset as babies can be.”

Baldr looked pained. “That's awful”, he whispered.

“It is”, Hel agreed. Then she hummed a little melody and the baby souls gathered around her head and hands, including the one that had bitten Baldr's finger.

“Hello, children”, she greeted them. “How are you today? Are you playing nicely?”

Their answer was a barely audible hum, a chorus of susurrated words only she could hear. The tiniest of them (the little finger biter) nuzzled her right cheek.

“Hey there, sweetie”, Hel smiled. “I see, you're growing teeth.”

She turned to Baldr. “Come here, Óðinnson. This little soul wants to tell you something. But pay very close attention and keep your voice down; the souls of the stillborn have the faintest voices and are most sensitive to noise.”

Baldr approached and hesitantly opened his hand. The tiny soul floated onto it, then up his arm and onto his shoulder, right next to his left ear. His eyes widened in evident surprise, as the soul whispered something into his ear. But then he smiled and whispered back, that it was okay.

The soul nuzzled his cheek too and made a humming sound, which prompted the other souls to float over and orbit around the glowing god.

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Baldr's POV

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Baldr wasn't quite sure, what to do, but at least the souls seemed comfortable around him, so that was a good thing. Hel seemed pleased at the sight.

“Are they attracted to my light?”, he asked softly.

“Oh yes. As I said before, most of these children have never seen the light of day, but some have. The big one on your hand, that's Ragnar. He died at the age of three and is the oldest of the group. He just told the little ones, that your face shines like the sun. So they're really excited. They had no idea the sun was so bright, warm and beautiful.”

“Oh”, he breathed and his cheeks reddened considerably (seriously, what was that with all the blushing lately?).

Some of the souls made a noise that sounded suspiciously like giggling.

Of course this wasn't the first time, that someone likened Baldr's brightness and fairness to the sun, but to him it meant so much more, when it came from a child.

“I agree”, Hel responded to his process of thought. “It does mean a lot more from a small child. They don't say these things to flatter or to be poetic or romantic, but because to them it's a simple truth.” She smiled. “Look at them, they really like you! They orbit around you like planets! Seems like you're called 'The Beloved' for a reason. Even the dead love you.”

These words made him glow a little brighter with joy. “I'm glad”, he said gently.

They stayed there for a while, before continuing their tour, leaving the souls to play.

After walking for a while, Hel asked her companion: “What's the matter? You're so silent.”

“Just wondering, that's all”, Baldr mumbled. “When does a being get a soul?”

“Hm, I think it's an ethical or philosophical question”, Hel mused. “Some say, it's at the moment of conception, some say it's at birth. But to me, it's the moment, when their tiny little organs start working; the moment they become viable.”

“Why can the souls talk?”

“Unlike their mortal shells, souls have a voice, mind and conscience from the moment they spring into existence. Even if the creatures themselves can't speak, their souls can. And if you can hear the soul inside a creature, you can understand them. You can read them like books.”

“Like you can?”, Baldr asked.

“Yes and no. I can only read the dead. The living are an enigma to me”, Hel admitted. “That's one of the reasons I prefer the company of ghosts. Another being the way the living look at me. The horror, fear and disgust in their eyes … I hated going outside in Jötunheimr.”

He gasped: “Your own kind was afraid of you?!”

“Yes. We led an isolated life deep in the Járnviðr. But sometimes mother would have to travel to the next settlement for groceries and then she would take us along, because she couldn't leave us alone at home. But it's not fun to go outside, only to be called a 'monster' a 'freak', or other charming things like that.”

Baldr felt his heart crack.

This wasn't right. She didn't deserve this.

Unable to stop himself, he took her hand.

“I don't think you're a monster or a freak”, he spoke softly.

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Hel's POV

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Hel felt a blush rise to both of her cheeks and for the first time in quite a while, her left side turned lively.

“You don't?”, she asked

The dead god shook his head vehemently: “Absolutely not! They were fools for not seeing your magnificence!”

Her blush intensified and she couldn't help but smile.

“Thank you, Baldr. That means a lot to me.”

Of course it didn't escape her, that her apparent joy made him happy in return.

Oh Baldr, you sweet and messed up summer child.

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A few hours later, at the lunch table, he thought of another question.

“Hel, can I ask you something?”

“Of course you can.”

“Uhm … do you come after your mother? I mean, you definitely have Loki's wit and gallows humour, but except for that, I don't see much of a resemblance between you and him.”

Hel smirked.

Baldr giggled: “Okay, scratch that. That is definitely a Loki-smirk.

“Why, thank you!”, the Queen of the Dead snickered. “I'll take that as a compliment. But to answer your question: yes, I do come more after my mother – at least on the good side.”

By his curious eyes she could tell, that he wanted to know more, but was afraid to ask.

“Go on”, she encouraged him.

He fidgeted a little. “Your mother … what was she like?”

Hel tilted her head. “Why did you hesitate to ask me that?”

“W-well … I thought … I …”

“That it would hurt me to be reminded of her?”

“Y-yes.”

“It doesn't”, she assured him. “I like remembering my mother. She was the most unimpressed person you could ever meet. Very outspoken too, though she didn't talk much. She didn't smile much, but never got angry either. She would teach us her magic and all kinds of runes and spells. Mother didn't play with us, that was father's job. But sometimes she would do something sweet. Small gestures here and there. When I was a little girl, I asked my mother for bells to play with. She said no, but on Yule I found them in my Yule bag. It was father, who gave them to me, but he whispered into my ear, that it had been mother's doing. 'But that's a secret, sweetie', he said, 'Don't tell Mama I told you'. These …” She took the scythe, which was leaning against the table and shook it, making the bells ring, “… are the very same bells. They're my most priced possession.”

Baldr was smiling from ear to ear. “That's such a sweet story! You and your family must have been so close.”

“We still are”, Hel corrected. “We always were, always are and always will be. I'm sure that as an Ása you know that kind of love. During my brief stay in Asgard I could tell, that your family is a very tight-knit group.”

He clearly understood.

“I want you to understand, Baldr, that it doesn't upset me to talk about my family. I have nothing but fond memories of them. What upsets me is what your family did to us. My brothers and I, we were only children, when your father tore us apart. I do not truly hate Óðinn, because I know and understand, why does what he does. Still he hurt us and for that I resent him.”

Baldr nodded sadly. “I think I do understand. You're a strong person to not hate my father.”

Hel sighed: “I wouldn't call it strong. It's not so much strong as it is wise. It's the sensible thing to do. Hatred doesn't resolve anything. It just makes you more miserable, blackens your soul and clouds your judgement. My father is the hateful, vindictive one.”

“Can confirm”, Baldr said wryly and pointed to where he had been pierced by the mistletoe dart.

Right that moment, the waiters came in and brought lunch.

When Baldr saw the content of his bowl, his face brightened up.

“Ohhh, girolle stew with mussels!”, he squealed in delight.

Hel chortled, as the light god proceeded to practically inhale his food.

“You certainly have a healthy appetite!”, she snickered.

Baldr laughed sheepishly: “Yeah, Nanna would say that too. She used to joke, that, if we weren't so rich, I would eat us out of house and home.”

Hel snickered some more: “Don't you worry, Bright One. There is no danger of that happening. You can eat as much as you want.”

The blond beamed and refilled his bowl.

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Later Hel was sitting in her office doing her paperwork and making zoom calls.

She was on the call with a few of her foreign colleagues, when a knock on her office door got her attention.

“Wait a second, guys, someone just knocked on my office – ENTER!”, she called out to whoever was waiting outside.

She was a little surprised, when the door opened to reveal …

“Baldr! What can I do for you?”, Hel inquired.

He was smiling sweetly – primordial cow, it looked so cute!

“Hi, I just wanted to- oh, wait, I see you're busy”, he noted sheepishly. “I'm sorry. I'll just come back later-”

“Don't be silly! Come here, Óðinnson!”, she ordered.

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Baldr's POV

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Baldr obeyed, albeit hesitantly.

“Come”, she repeated. “I want you to meet my colleagues from abroad.”

He joined her behind the magical screens and saw the faces inside them.

“Everyone”, Hel addressed her colleagues, “I want you to meet my new companion. This is-”

“Baldr!”, one of the other underworld rulers exclaimed and waved behind their screen. “What a surprise! Hi!”

Baldr recognised the other and beamed. “Oh, hey, Persephone!”

Hel blinked: “You two know each other?”

Baldr nodded. “Yes, I've met her a few times, when my family and I would visit the Olympians for business-”

“So this is the dead god you're hosting now?”, one of the other zoom call participants asked. “I've heard of some god dying and entering your realm.”

“Yes, this is him”, Hel confirmed. “Baldr, this is Osiris, son of Nut and Geb. He's the king of the Egyptian underworld and very much like you. Osiris, this is Baldr Óðinnson, formerly the god of light, peace, joy, justice, spring and all that stuff – which should be obvious by the way he glows.”

Some of the foreign chthonic deities laughed.

Curiously Baldr regarded the Egyptian god. Through the screen he could tell that the other had green skin, was clad in white linen and wearing a white crown.

“So you died too?”

“Yes, no thanks to my brother Seth”, Osiris sighed. “My wife and some helpers sewed me back together and resurrected me. But since I was already dead, I couldn't return to the land of the living, so here I am, ruling the afterlife. But it's a nice gig and I'm comfortable here. I'm sure, you will like living with Hel too. Once you get used to her aloof demeanour, you will find, that she's a very likeable person.”

“Oh, I do!”, Baldr agreed eagerly. “I really like it here!”

He couldn't help but laugh, when Hel gawked at him like he had just grown a second head.

“What's so funny?”, Hel complained, “This is the first time I hear that sentence!”

Baldr gasped: “What??? Well, then I will have to tell you more often, because it's true!”

He was very pleased with himself, when the left side of Hel's face turned significantly more lifelike (though she was still deathly pale) and a blush tainted her right cheek.

That means she's happy, right? According to Ganglati, that means she's happy.

“Awww!”, some of the foreign underworld rulers cooed.

“So cute!”, Persephone gushed.

“Does anyone have something of importance to say, before I end this conference?”, one of the participants – a skeletal god with a splendid, colourful feather crown – asked.

Everyone else said no.

“Good. The meeting is over.”

Hel lost no time in switching her screens off.

Baldr gave her a questioning look. “Not even so much as a goodbye?”

“Not among us underworld gods”, she muttered. “Besides, I don't need to hear their gossiping. In that regard many chthonic deities are just as bad as most upperworld deities.”

Ah. No wonder she wanted to get away as quickly as possible.

“They're going to ship us, aren't they?”, he sighed.

“Like GodEx”, she grumbled. “Especially the married ones. You have to excuse them. Every time they suspect that one of us singles has even so much as a crush, they get all … stupid.”

“Ah. Yes, I've been there.”

“I know you have. By the way, you can sit down.”

Baldr smiled gratefully and sat on the chair in front of Hel's desk.

She leaned back in her own chair and regarded him across the table.

“So! What brings you here?”, she wanted to know.

He shifted in his chair.

For a few minutes he had forgot about what he had come here for, but now he was reminded. He had just wanted to … wanted to – oh Allfather, what had he been thinking? She was the Queen of the Dead, she had so many better and more important things to do than listen to his stupid-

“Go on. Spit it out.”

“I … I just … I …”

He grew pale, when he saw how the left half of her face decayed again and she began to frown. He was displeasing her. She was getting agitated, just because he couldn't even … damn it!

And just like that he broke into tears.

“I'm sorry!”, he blubbered, “I'm sorry! I didn't mean to- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!”

Through the blur he could just about make out Hel leaping up and darting around the table, then her right hand cupping his face and the other dabbing at his eyes with a paper tissue.

“Hey now.” Her voice was so gentle. “There is nothing to say sorry for. You don't owe me an apology. You don't owe me anything.”

“But … but …”

“Listen to me, Baldr”, she spoke sternly. “You don't have to please me. You don't have to live up to my expectations. I expect nothing of you. You don't have to put on a false smile and pretend that everything is fine, when it's really not. I know everything, Baldr. I saw the hurt, anxiety and depression, that broke you to the point where you wanted to die. I saw the lone moments, when you sought comfort in your twin's arms, because the pressure was too much to bear. But you know what? It's gone now. You're dead. You're free. Just let go.”

Let go.

Only one person had ever told him that in his life: Höðr, his dear twin-brother. No one else had ever understood.

In his beauty, purity and wisdom, Baldr appeared to be perfect.

He was not.

Blinded by admiration or envy, the people, who flocked around him, forgot that he too had his shortcomings. Höðr had been the only one, who had never forgot, had never expected anything of him. And now there was another person, who asked nothing of him either, who understood his feelings?

Baldr cried harder. He couldn't help it.

For a second he was confused, when Hel moved to take him in her arms, only to stop short. But then she shifted and let him lean into her right shoulder, instead of the left. Honestly, Baldr wouldn't have given a damn, he just wanted to be held, to cry his heart out and be told that everything was alright now.

This was wrong, because he was just one of many dead people and she was his new queen and sovereign. It was undignified and improper, downright insulting and disrespectful even, to get emotional in front of a monarch.

But for some reason Baldr couldn't bring himself to care.

He just drank in the physical closeness and Hel's soothing and placid aura and listened to her murmured words of comfort.

.

“Are you feeling a bit better?”, Hel asked, when he had finally stopped crying.

He nodded, sniffling. “Yeah … I think so. Thank you so much. I really needed that, I suppose.”

“No need to thank me”, she replied and handed him a jug of water. “Just know that, whenever you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears- uhhh, Baldr, why are you pouting like that?”

“Why are you wearing your hair like that?”, he all but huffed. “You haven't done that since Nanna saw your face and couldn't stand looking at it.”

She had brushed her black hair forward to hide the decayed part of her face and for some reason that bothered him even more now than it had a few days ago.

Hel made her “owl face”, tilting her head and looking at him with that bottomless black eye.

But it soon gave way to her usual blank expression.

.

Hel's POV

.

“Can you stand looking at it?”, Hel questioned earnestly. “Your breakdown happened after you saw how my condition worsened. You saw my face decay and flipped out.”

Baldr blushed and mumbled: “Uhm … it wasn't because of that. You see, I noticed that your left side changes condition and your butler explained to me, that it's affected by your mood. So when that happened earlier and you started frowning, I … I thought …”

“That you had displeased or even angered me”, Hel realised. “I see. Looks like I owe you an apology. I didn't mean to frighten you. I was getting impatient, because of your stuttering, yes, but angry? No. How could I ever be angry at someone like you?”

She flashed him a half smile.

For the first time in his life, Baldr acted on impulse: he brushed her hair out of the left half of her face and tucked it behind her ear.

“That's better”, he smiled.

It took her a heroic amount of self-control not to blush again, like a flustered teenager (Niflheimr, she was thousands of years old and had never once gotten flustered before Baldr had showed up!).

But damn, he's so adorable!

She coughed awkwardly and returned to her chair behind her desk.

“Now, that you have calmed down, what did you want to talk about?”

Baldr blinked, as if he had forgot.

But then he laughed: “Oh, right! I just wanted to know, if we could talk more about our families, you and I. If you want to and have time, of course.”

She could feel her left side become more lifelike, enabling her to smile fully.

“I would very much like that, Óðinnson.”

.

---

.

1) Ultraviolet-A light. The proper term for black light. As a god of light, Baldr would know everything about light and the different spectra and would probably say UV-A light, rather than black light. 2) Fallandaforað: "Falling Bale/Falling Danger", Hel's threshold.

[flowerboyyoonbin]

Forever and always | Mark Lee

Pairing: mark lee x female reader

Genre: a lot of angst, fluff; gang!AU; gang member!Mark, pregnant!reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: none really

Summary: a failed drug deal separates two lovers and leaves an unborn child fatherless

The sound of a ringing phone wakes you up. You'd initially decided to ignore it if it hadn’t been for the continuous calls following the first one. Letting out a long and exaggerated groan, you finally reach for the phone, looking at the caller id. It was Mark.

“Hello?” your voice was raspy and almost felt sore due to just have being awoken. 

“Mark, you okay?” you speak again as the other line remained silent. “Mar--” he cuts you off before you have the chance to speak again. “I’m outside your house,” and with that, he ends the call. 

You hastily get out of bed, walking towards your bedroom window to see a shadow figure moving towards your front porch. The figure looks up towards the window, Mark’s face coming into view. 

Taking the stairs down as fast as you could, almost tripping on your way down, you open the door for him. Mark immediately wraps you in his arms, closing the door behind him. The two of you just stood there for a while, his arms only tightening the grasp he had around you. 

“What happened?” you knew something was wrong. This wasn't normal behavior for your boyfriend who despised being too affectionate. Something had happened, something really bad, and it was starting to scare you.

“The deal went south; a shootout started and I guess some people nearby must have heard and called the cops. Most of the guys got caught from both sides, and I’m sure there’s gonna be a hit list on the rest of us soon,” your boyfriend finally answered your question after trying to find the right words just to end up with being straightforward with you instead of sugarcoating it. 

You were angry and upset. Not at Mark but the situation. This was supposed to be his last deal, Mark had finally managed to slowly cut all evidence to him being in the gang and their leader had been willing (after a lot of negotiations) to let Mark go, but with this newfound information you’d just received, you’re not too sure your peaceful life with Mark was gonna be as easy as you thought. 

“So you’re a fugitive from the police now?” you finally look up at him, your thoughts running lose and clouding your way of thinking a bit.

“Not the police. The gang we were dealing with thought we had called the cops, those idiots. They’re angry since their leader got caught and they,” he pauses, taking a deep breath in before he continues. 

“They saw my face. They know who I am and that puts me in danger, and if they find me here that’ll put you and our baby in danger as well and I can’t let that ever happen,” his hand slowly travels from your arms to your stomach, looking down at your growing belly. You and Mark were expecting a little girl in a few months' time. She was the reason why Mark finally decided to get his life together and start a normal, peaceful and legal life; he was tired and done running from the law.

You weren’t sure what was going to happen to Mark but whatever it was you knew you were gonna hate it, though it was inevitable. “What are you gonna do? What’s gonna happen to our family, to the life we planned?” you didn’t even realize the tears falling on your cheeks until Mark wiped them ever so gently away as if he was afraid to break you, his other hand still over your stomach as if to protect the baby.

Mark hesitated at your question. What was he supposed to do? He had a plan but just thinking about it broke his heart into a million pieces. It was the only way to keep your family save so he had to make the sacrifice, albeit you’d be paying it as well. He had wanted to spare you but the failed deal had ruined everything and it was costing you two your happiness. 

“I’ll have to leave. Not for forever though—no baby don’t cry,” he’d stop talking as soon as he saw the tears spill out of your eyes again, staining your cheeks. The picture of you crying, of you having to raise your daughter alone for an indefinite time. Having his daughter grow up without her father was the last thing he ever wanted but now he had no choice but to do exactly that and it broke him more than words could ever describe.

He held you tight, trying desperately to calm your shaking and screaming form. You were screaming and crying at this point, cursing him, the situation and even God. You were beyond furious, beyond upset. The two of you didn’t care if the neighbors heard, they could file noise complaints if they wanted to, you could care less at that moment. You felt like the world had stopped and for a second it felt like you had stopped breathing as well. You were praying to any god that was willing to listen to restart this day, to keep Mark from going to the deal. You knew it was impossible but you were desperate at this point. 

“You-can’t-leave-me,” you said through sobs. “Please,” you were breaking not only Mark’s heart but your own. You could feel the baby, it could feel your rage and you knew you needed to calm down for her sake. 

Mark was crying at this point, not being able to hold up his strong demeanor anymore he finally broke down crying. Resting his head on your belly he kept muttering apologies to both you and the baby. You slowly bring your hand to rest on his head, knitting your fingers through his hair to make him look at you. “Okay, you can leave, but I swear to God Lee if you aren’t back before her third birthday then I’ll start my own hit list and kill you myself,” you manage to dissolve some of the heavy tension though not a lot. You two stayed in that position for a few more minutes, Mark having lifted your shirt now to kiss your belly for the last time and you run your hand through his hair. 

The clock nearing three in the morning, you finally realize how long the two of you had been talking. His phone goes off, his gang-mate having found a way out of the country in safety meaning that this was goodbye. For now at least.

Holding your body as tight and close to his own he let the last couple of tears fall before wiping them away. As soon as he was to step out of the door his cold demeanor was going to be back on. He kissed you one last time, it was passionate, rushed, a tad bit aggressive but filled with emotion. The two of you were gonna be separated physically but the pair of you belonged together and you knew you’d find your way back to each other. Mark was certain that the pair of you were soulmates.

With one last bone-crushing hug, he finally took his first steps towards the door, never taking his eyes off of you. You let a final tear slip from the corner of your eye as you watch mark reach for the handle. He turns around towards you again, “I love you. Forever and always. And I promise to fix all of this and get back to you and our beautiful baby girl,” he took his first step out of the door. As he was about to close the door he heard you faintly whisper those three words back, adding a ‘forever and always’ as the two of you always did. He smiled to himself, already anticipating the day you two would meet again as he closes the door leaving you and your unborn baby behind.

3 years and 3 months later 

You were running around the house, preparing the last decorations before your parents would be arriving. It was your daughter’s third birthday and you had decided to invite your family over instead of celebrating it alone like you’d done the previous two years. 

You glanced over to the calendar you’d hung up near the door. You bought it the day Mark had left, though this was the third one you’d bought, and crossed out every single day off until now. You told Mark to be back before her third birthday. You didn’t know if you meant it or if he believed you did, but it was the closest to a date you had and therefore the only hope you had on seeing him anytime soon. 

It had been hard without him. When he left it felt like he took your being with you; you weren’t complete without him. It wasn’t until your daughter had been born before you snapped back to reality again; you had to stop pitying yourself and create a home where your daughter would never feel less loved than her peers. 

You were checking up on the food as you heard the doorbell. You stop at the couch checking to see if your daughter is where you left her. Ever since that night, you had been fearing that someday somebody would take away your daughter. You smile as you look at her, she was the product of you and Mark’s love. And oh did she resemble her father in every way possible. 

You walk towards the door slowly. Could it be him? Was he gonna keep his promise? All sorts of thoughts ran through your mind...only to be crushed when you open the door to reveal the mailman. He was holding a box that you had to sign for. You take it inside and answer your ringing phone. Your mom was calling. 

“Hey sweetie, I’m so sorry but we can’t make it today but we sent our gift in advance, did you get it?” Though you were disappointed you couldn’t blame your parents, they were getting older and lived all across the country. It looked like it was just gonna be the two of you for the third year in a row. 

You finish the phone call with your mom and turn towards your daughter giggling towards a toy who’d just made a funny sound. You’re about to walk into the kitchen again to turn off the stove as the door rings once again. Having lost all the mood to celebrate, you slouch towards the door. You sigh as you open the front door, just wanting to cuddle with your daughter in bed all day. 

As you open the door you came face to face with...

Nothing? 

You look around but there’s nothing around. Did kids still do doorbell pranks nowadays? You close the door rolling your eyes. You were definitely in a worse mood now. 

“Oh come on babe don’t be so upset,” you freeze. That voice, the one you’ve been yearning to hear for the past three years. You don’t dare turn around but at the same time, you can’t keep your body from turning. Were you hearing things? Were you finally reaching a breaking point? 

Slowly turning around while keeping your eyes close due to a fear of it all being a hallucination. You gather your courage and slowly start opening your eyes. You meet his eyes, and you swear you felt your broken heart heal itself at that moment. It felt like life had started again as if time had been frozen since that godforsaken night. 

The two of you just stare at each other, a dumb love-struck smile plastered on both of your faces. You open your mouth to speak but a sob breaks out instead and Mark has you in his arms within seconds. Holding you tight just like that night maybe even tighter. 

“You came back to me,” the words come out before another sob leaves your mouth. “You came back to us,” Mark kisses you, having thought about your lips on his for so long, he gets a nostalgic feeling making him smile through the kiss. It’s soft and gentle yet filled with so much emotion, expressing the unspoken words between you two. 

You break away from the kiss and walk towards your daughter, scooping her up in your arms. As you walk back towards Mark his eyes waters a bit seeing his daughter for the first time. She was more beautiful than he had ever imagined her to be. 

“Baby girl I want you to meet someone very special: meet your daddy. He’s gonna stay with you and protect you with mommy from now on,” you slowly hand her over to Mark who takes a step back due to the fear of actually holding her. You smile reassuringly at him, letting him know it’s okay and that everything would be fine from now on. 

Reluctantly he takes a few steps forward finally taking her into his arms. Being afraid of breaking her as if she was made out of porcelain he hugs her ever so gently but tightens it when she wraps her tiny arms around his neck, exclaiming with excitement his newfound title. 

Your words from a moment ago play through his head. He takes hold of you and kisses you again. 

“I promised to come back and love you two. Forever and always.”