#Season 7 is going to serve and the angst is going to be so good.

[jesuis-assez]

↠ Tim & Lucy ↳ 6x10 - Escape Plan

[fangirl-dot-com]

Chapter 22 - This Was Not the Spa I was Looking For

Uuuhhh, I don't even know what this was. I had an idea and then this other idea fought the first one and won? so, it's completely different than what I had in mind, but ya know what? its written and done.

There is slight SLIGHT angst, but everything is good in the end :)

so sorry for the delay - will be updating a lot this weekend!

like always comments, questions, concerns, messages in my inbox, reblogs, and likes are always appreciated! Love you all and enjoy :D

Budapest Not Included

Champions Standings 

Max Verstappen – 284 points 

Charles Leclerc – 227 points 

Lando Norris – 189 points 

Y/n L/n – 163 points 

Carlos Sainz – 112 points 

Oscar Piastri – 91 points 

Lewis Hamilton – 83 points 

Alex Albon – 44 points 

Fernando Alonso – 41 points 

George Russell – 40 points 

Logan Sargeant – 30 points 

Daniel Ricciardo – 23 points

Lance Stroll – 15 points 

Pierre Gasly – 12 points 

Yuki Tsunoda – 8 points 

Valtteri Bottas – 1 point 

Nico Hulkenberg 

Kevin Magnussen 

Zhou Guanyu 

Esteban Ocon 

Constructors Standings 

Red Bull – 447 points 

Ferrari – 339 points 

McLaren – 280 points 

Mercedes – 123 points 

Williams – 74 points 

Aston Martin – 56 points 

Alpha Tauri – 31 points 

Alpine – 12 points 

Alpha Romeo – 1 point 

HAAS – 0 points 

f1 has posted

f1 Y/n L/n and Max Verstappen are out of the Belgium Grand Prix after the Red Bull of Verstappen hit the back of L/n. The latter skidded across the track before rolling over. L/n will be looked over at the medical site, especially after her last DNF back in Japan.

liked by y/n.nation, maxverSTOPpen, orange_army, and 802,394 others

max_and_rookie nah man, I like max but that was seriously his fault

y/n_on_top y/n had the priority to make way for him to win. he just ruined both of their races

max_all_the_way y/n should have just let him keep going tho?

redbullcan no she shouldn't cause Red Bull gave the 2-1 strategy, putting priority for the second car

maxiel333 I fear this is Azerbaijan 2018 all over again

f1fan well there goes that amazing teammate bond. great job max, what is this, 7 teammates? bout to be 8

Once again, you were hanging upside down, in the rain. But thankfully, this time you were conscious and talking. 

You pressed the button that immediately went to your panicking race engineer. 

“I’m fine Mitch. Stupid rain. This was definitely not the Spa I was looking forward to. You tell my asshole of a teammate that he owes me.” 

You switched your radio off before Mitch could reply. You were fuming as the marshals were trying to get you out once again. Your race suit was becoming wetter and wetter by the minute. Your back ached as you tried to move. 

So, how did this all happen? 

You had been able to get around Max, per team request to make way on the track that was a little less rainy. Apparently, Max thought that you were trying to get the jump on him and completely rammed the back of your RB20, sending you flying. It was definitely a mirror reflection of Azerbaijan 2018. 

How you ended up rolled over once again, you didn’t know. Maybe your car just didn’t have great balance when it came to kerbs and getting rear-ended. 

In a few minutes, the marshals were able to get you out. As you stretched when you got out, your eyes landed on Max’s RB20 with its nose crumpled and wheel hanging off. You smirked under your helmet. 

“Serves him right.” 

You two were doing amazing that weekend. Max had gotten pole once again, and you were right behind him. Except that Charles was so close behind Max most of the race. Mitch had given you the 2-1 and had told you that GP had also given the Dutchman the same order. 

There was still time for you to have given the position back, but you were quicker on the slicks. You could have easily brought home another 1-2 race. 

But now Charles would probably get his third win of the season because Max was too selfish. 

You watched as he climbed out of his own cockpit and your blood began to boil. He not only ruined his race, but yours as well. Your arms were crossed as you stood in the rain. Replays of the wreck were playing on the big screens, just for your enjoyment. 

The longer you watched, the angrier you got. 

A push to your arm brought your eyes from the big screen to the Dutch driver. 

“The fuck was that?” he angrily questioned. 

Your eyebrow raised under your helmet. Although you were shorter, you knew how to throw your weight around. So, you shoved his shoulder back. 

“Me? The fuck was that with you Max. I was given priority! This was your fault!” you shouted, earning looks from the marshals around the two of you. 

Max just glared. “My fault? That was clearly a rookie mistake.” 

He pushed you again. 

You let out a dark chuckle. “Rookie mistake? No Max. That was a you mistake.” 

Your pointer finger dug into his chest, earning you another shove. One that sent you to the ground. You were now down, looking up at Max as he glared down at you. Tears welled up in your eyes as you watched him stalk away. 

A marshal was quick to help you to your feet. Max didn’t ride back with you to the paddock and walked the entire way. You, however, took advantage of the ride back and immediately tried to hide inside your drivers room when you got back. You kept your helmet on the entire time and wanted to refuse to go to the medical room. Mitch was adamant about you going since the last time you were bruised pretty badly. 

She made sure it was quick: just a check over. After, your race engineer left you to yourself. While you undressed and peeled off your wet race suit, your mind started swimming. 

Feelings of guilt and anxiety were building in your core. Soon, you were beginning to sob as you sat on your little bed. Really, all you wanted to do was curl up and sleep, preferably with your boyfriend, who was all the way in the Ferrari garage. 

Your sobs quieted down as your eyes began to droop. Taking a nap right now seemed to be a good choice as you lied down on the small bed, curling up in a ball. A nap would keep you safe from whatever was going on. You didn’t have to deal with anything if you were asleep. 

Right as you were falling asleep, Max had just gotten back to the garage. His helmet was in his hands and his eyes were to the floor, missing the disapproving looks from everyone. On the way back, he had time to think about what he had done. 

Yes, he knew that you were given priority, but didn’t know exactly why. You didn’t seem faster on the slicks or were gaining. He didn’t expect you to go around him like that. And now looking back, he could see that you were making a way for him by getting rid of some water on the track so he could get more grip. 

What he didn’t expect was a shove to the back and a punch to the face. He barely had time to turn around before he landed on his ass on the concrete of the garage. He was so taken back that he really couldn’t understand what was going on. 

All he knew was that his face hurt, his ass hurt, and his pride hurt. 

How could he have done that to you? 

When he got his bearings, he finally saw a certain Monegasque be held back from jumping on him. Spits of French and English were thrown at him, and he deserved it. Once he was back on his feet, Arthur took two handfuls of his race suit and pulled him down. 

There was hardly a height difference, but right now Arthur looked a lot bigger than Max did. 

Arthur leaned close to Max’s face. 

“How dare you? You know that she would do anything for you and what do you do to thank her? You push her down. You break her down. You blame her for your mistake.”

Silence was all that Max could offer. 

Arthur scoffed as he let go. 

“You’re no better than her parents.” 

With that, he left and walked toward your room. He harshly pushed the door open, only to find you sound asleep, oblivious to the world outside. Arthur turned off the lights before gently climbing into your bed. He didn’t know how the two of you had fit, but you did. 

He guessed that you must have sensed him as you turned over and dug your head into his neck almost immediately. Arthur pulled out his phone before googling flights back to Monaco, back to home. He’d keep you in his pocket if he had anything to do it. 

Race Results: 

Charles Leclerc – 25 points 

Carlos Sainz – 18 points 

Oscar Piastri – 16 points (fastest lap) 

Valtteri Bottas – 12 points 

Lewis Hamilton – 10 points 

George Russell – 8 points 

Fernando Alonso – 6 points 

Alex Albon – 4 points 

Logan Sargeant – 2 point 

Zhou Guanyu – 1 point (highest placing this season) 

Lando Norris (spun out on last lap and barely missed the points) 

Daniel Ricciardo 

Yuki Tsunoda 

Kevin Magnussen (highest placing this season)

Nico Hulkenberg (highest placing this season) 

Pierre Gasly 

Esteban Ocon 

Lance Stroll 

Y/n L/n – DNF 

Max Verstappen – DNF 

Champions Standings: 

Max Verstappen – 284 points

Charles Leclerc – 252 points 

Lando Norris – 189 points 

Y/n L/n – 163 points 

Carlos Sainz – 130 points 

Oscar Piastri – 107 points 

Lewis Hamilton – 93 points 

George Russell – 48 points 

Alex Albon – 48 points 

Fernando Alonso – 45 points 

Logan Sargeant – 32 points 

Daniel Ricciardo – 23 points 

Lance Stroll – 15 points 

Pierre Gasly - 12 points 

Valtteri Bottas – 13 points 

Yuki Tsunoda – 8 points

Zhou Guanyu – 1 point 

Nico Hulkenberg 

Kevin Magnussen 

Esteban Ocon 

Constructors Standings

Red Bull – 447 points 

Ferrari – 382 points 

McLaren – 270 points 

Mercedes – 141 points 

Williams – 80 points 

Aston Martin – 60 points 

Alpha Tauri – 31 points 

Alpha Romeo – 14 points 

Alpine – 12 points 

Haas – 0 points 

Max had gotten a long talking to after everything was over. Christian probably screamed at him for over an hour, plus what GP and then what Mitch had to say after. He had wanted to apologize beforehand, but it seemed as though Arthur didn’t wat Max near you within a 25 foot radius. 

And when the Dutchman thought he could speak to you at the hotel, he had to find out the hard way that you had left that afternoon to go back to Monaco before the second Italian Grand Prix. Max huffed as he thought over what he should do. 

Just as you had anxiety and guilt about the incident, Max dubbed his as 10 times worse. This was it. In the past, everyone told him that he always messed up teammates for other drivers. That’s why Daniil didn’t work out, or Carlos, or Daniel, or Pierre, or Alex, or Checo. One way or another, Max always fucked it up. 

Well, that’s what his mind was telling him. 

And he didn’t want you to just be another name to the list. 

So with phone in hand, and pilot on call, he made the executive decision to fly back to Monaco. He knew exactly where your apartment was, since you gave me the address when you first moved in and a key for emergencies. 

When he landed, he went straight to the grocery store. Knowing that you had the cooking skills of Arthur and Charles combined and the pickiness of Lando amplified, he guessed that you and Arthur probably haven’t had dinner yet. So, he grabbed ingredients to make pizza. Simple enough. 

He drove to your flat and was suddenly enveloped with fear. He hit his head on the steering wheel once he parked. 

“I’m so stupid,” he whispered to himself as he gazed at the lights on in the windows. His head was still on the wheel as he turned to look down. What he failed to notice was you looking through the window. 

“Cheri? Is everything alright?” you heard Arthur call out from the kitchen. You two had just burnt some pasta while trying to make dinner. You gazed down at the familiar car parked in front. 

“Cheri?” 

Now Arthur was close, also looking out the window. 

“It’s Max.” 

The Monegasque scoffed. “What’s he doing here?” 

You hummed. “He’s probably wanting to apologize. I know what he’s like. Thur, he didn’t mean it.” 

Arthur’s eyes changed from cold to understanding. He had heard enough stories from his own brother along with gossip in the paddock about Max’s childhood (or lack thereof). 

He huffed once before saying, “Go to him and then invite him up.” 

He watched as your eyes lit up, before you placed a kiss on his lips. A smile formed on his lips as he watched you slide shoes on and go out the door. Arthur turned back to the kitchen. He guessed he needed to clean up before you invited thee Max Verstappen into the house. 

Max was so caught in his head that he missed you peering in. Only when you slightly knocked on the door, did he jump. He accidentally pressed the horn, making it echo down the empty road. He quickly unlocked the door, which let you slip in. 

His blue eyes gazed into yours before he started to cry. You looked at him with a frown on your face as he tried to desperately wipe his tears. He took many harsh inhales, trying to get his emotions under control. 

Max expected you to yell, scream, and hit at him. Yet, you gently placed a hand on his back and started to comfort him, like he’s done many times before. 

You let him cry and cry until he was ready to talk. 

“I’m such an asshole,” was the first thing that escaped his lips after his sobs started to break. 

You chuckled. “I could have told you that.” 

Max’s lips curved upwards in a small smile before going straight once again. He took another shuddering breath before continuing. 

“I don’t want to repeat the past. I am so sorry for what I did to you, that was unfair of me. I wanted to apologize before you left, but I was too late. And I didn’t want to end today without apologizing to you. Because I don’t want you to be another teammate that I failed.” 

He turned to you, eyes still glossy with leftover tears. 

You leaned to give him a hug across the dash, one that he was thankful for. 

He was the first one to part, still wiping at his eyes. You only gazed at him with compassion. When he was done sniffling, you started to talk. 

“Max, look at me please?” 

He turned his head so his bloodshot blue eyes could look at you. He looked utterly exhausted and your heart broke. If he was anything like you, you knew how much guilt he was carrying. 

“You’re not, we’re not, going to repeat the past. I just need you to understand that I am your team player. And when I’m given a team order, I will follow it every time.” 

Max’s head nodded in agreement. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“I already forgave you before I left the paddock. I heard Christian yelling at you.” 

A snort left his nose. “It was probably for the best.” 

The car was filled with a comfortable silence before Max broke it. 

“Did you and Arthur have dinner yet?” 

“Max. What do you think?” 

“I’m going to take that as a no. Good think I bought groceries. Seriously, I am getting you and the Leclercs cooking lessons for Christmas.” 

“I’m not that bad.” 

“You almost burnt down my entire kitchen.” 

“Not on purpose.”  

y/n.89 has posted

y/n.89 have pizza, teammate, and bestie - will travel

liked by maxverstappen1, arthur_leclerc, logansargeant, and 90,294 others

y/n&co guys I was super worried but now I'm perfectly fine

rookie+maxie guys I truly believe that y/n is going to stay his teammate for as long as possible

best_duo frfr - no one has been on his level and he finally has a teammate that can keep up with him

y/n.nation generational talent right there

maxverstappen1 glad I could feed you two

y/n.89 we would have been fine on our own maxverstappen1 sure, after you burnt your food and almost set your apartment on fire y/n.89 hey, Arthur was there too? arthur_leclerc what is with this slander?????

f1_fan guys guys guys, it's the Dutch Grand Prix and then MONZA hello?????

true_tifosi I know I want to see Charles win again, but y/n deserves something

dutch_anthem_on_repeat time for MAX MAX MAX SUPER MAX

orange_army we are ready with flags and capes, bring it on Netherlands!!

TAG LIST: @fionaschicken @glitterquadricorn @laura-naruto-fan1998 @treehouse-mouse @sam-is-lost @kagatinkita @fangirl125reader @megatrilss1885 @myxticmoon @angsthology @cmleitora @agent-curt-mega @graciewrote @ashy-kit @slutofmultifandom @aexitizen-ln4 @sugarvibez @vellicora @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @cashtons-wife @hoetel-manager @xcharlottemikaelsonx @jayda12 @ilove-tswizzle @justme2042 @itsjustkhaos @nikfigueiredo @stopeatread @cha-hot @sadg3 @iloveyou3000morgan @s4turnsl0ver @alessioayla @torchbearerkyle @leptitlu @awekbachira @shreks-sugar-daddy @v1naco @stan-josie @mellowarcadefun @badassturtle13 @beskardroids @callisposts @poppyalice2001 @juniper-july19 @lizzypiastri

[cloveroctobers]

FEBRUARY FLUFF — CARMY BERZATTO.

A/N: so carmy won this time around!!! Thanks to all those that voted and ultimately made this decision for me lol. Hope you guys enjoy this and have a safe, healthy, and happy love season 🩷 + yes this is a mixture of fluff and angst...i mean come on! I wouldn't be me if i didn't include that in here somewhere!

PROMPTS ARE FROM HERE + HERE & I’m using: 1. “…Okay, so the only way for us to enjoy that huge discount is to act like we’re dating.” “What, so you’d fake date me for discounted food but you wouldn’t real date me even though I could take you out to the best restaurants out there in town every fucking night if you wanted me to?”  + always giving the other the first bite of their food < or the last.

WARNINGS/SN: I wrote with a black or brown reader in mind although reader isn't physically described + they’re given a name only when mentioned, language is a thing here duh!, this is LENGTHY, lots of timelines: reader + nat became friendly before season 1 during the summer prior to 7 fishes which is estimated to be five years before season 2, reader knows of carmy due to past work, I feel like she can be just a few year(s) older than carmy but younger than nat—there’s a age gap for the Berzatto’s anyways, sexual relations are mentioned, this piece takes place months after the grand opening, & finally there’s a possible chance for a poly relationship or maybe just multiple crushes going on? Take that how you will.

𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡

it was a Sunday.

The kind of Sunday you woke up embarrassed about but knew you had to swallow your pride and just send out that text. You knew you wouldn’t be judged regardless reaching out to Fak because he’s built to deal with things like this and never made you feel like shit about anything.

You usually had to squeeze it out of him to get him to lay out any cons about a situation but appreciated most times when he didn’t. Your minds been going haywire with a recent assignment as a food journalist and it really slipped your mind, although you were usually a quick thinker, you’ve been stressed over this recent restaurant. Thankfully it clicked for you after throwing a tantrum to simply reach out to Fak to come help you out.

The stupid lever in your bathroom decided to stop flushing on you and of course you panicked. Who wouldn’t panic in a situation like that? You no longer had a roommate and strongly debated if you even wanted to search for another; after the shady actions of the previous one, so you really didn’t have to worry about them giving you shit either. (Let’s see if your rent feels the same next month!)

It was just you in the end and perhaps you were learning to be okay with that.

Yet that didn’t stop you from FaceTiming Sydney about it. “Hey Siddy, how’s your day going?”

“Pretty good, yours?” She politely asked as she moved down the hallway of her shared apartment to prop her phone on the pedestal sink, moving around her functioning bathroom to grab some oil to grease her scalp.

Smacking your lips you glare, “it fucking sucks.”

“Oh?” Sydney questioned, appearing back in frame, “what happened? Did someone egg and scratch up your car again after a review you gave them? Noo wait, don’t tell me there’s a bullet hole?!”

That was light work compared to New York (it really wasn’t a competition of which state had its worst moments but your home state left you kinda triggered, not gonna lie!) where you were just starting off and those that were in tune with the culinary world didn’t take your words with a grain of salt. Most nights you still woke up gasping for air, reaching for your throat due to some trauma of a break in from a well-known nepo-baby chef. Don’t get that twisted, your mom didn’t raise no punk but that didn’t mean those events didn’t mess with your mental and you acknowledged that every time you had a nightmare. They only served three years and five months compared to the original five year sentence.

Ah the system…got to love how that works out for the privileged!

You shrugged, “no…the threats have been pretty tame lately so I can give myself a pat on the back for that. However! I still am in a crisis.”

Sydney begins to move her braids around to expose her scalp, “Elaborate for me.”

“My toilet won’t flush!” You whine, laying flat on your messy bed. You tended to not make your bed on Saturdays and didn’t get around to making it today—although it was after 3pm.

Sydney asks, “Like the waste won’t go down…?”

“Exactly!” You confirm throwing your arm over your eyes dramatically, “The lever thing is moving like my old dislocated shoulder.”

Sydney gags, “don’t fucking remind me of that day. That was spooky to witness but I am glad you healed from that.”

“Thanks girl, means a lot, truly.”

Sydney gives a small smile, “don’t mention it…have you considered YouTubing it? That’s what I do when I don’t want to ask anyone for help and figure it out by myself.”

You hummed knowing this was true. In a sense you could be like that too, especially when it came to the working field, since writers can tend to be some nasty bitches and always in rivalry with each other. You made a name for yourself in Chicago as well, coming from New York where you worked just as hard-maybe even harder than the rest to mean and write exactly how you felt about cuisine, regardless if anyone agreed or not. It wasn’t about if people liked you, the relationship with food would always be more significant and hold value in your life, just like the rest of these chef’s you encountered and you got that, people were allowed to be sensitive about their work. You’ve come toe to toe with many chef’s around the world who didn’t like your take on their craft but that didn’t mean you didn’t understand them. They hardly took the time to really dive into your ratings and automatically took it as you shit talking or not having any idea what you were saying since you “weren’t really a chef,” but you knew your worth most days.

Yes you could be straight forward but that didn’t mean you lacked compassion like some chef’s liked to think according to your reviews. You often wrote in a way that was puzzling to some, almost philosophical or riddle like with your own twist. Some just didn’t get it and that was okay but you wouldn’t back down from any confrontation. The second they didn’t want to really listen, that’s when you removed yourself from the escalating problem. It didn’t have to get violent like some wanted to inflict.

“Why didn’t I think of that?!” You exasperated, slapping the palm of your hand to your forehead.

Sydney snorted, “maybe because you’re under a lot of pressure lately and the most simplest of things don’t come as easily as they should.”

“You would think I have high blood pressure with the way these past two weeks have been.”

Sydney says, “give it time.”

“Gee, thanks! That’s exactly the kind of shit I want to hear from you.” You roll your eyes at the blurt of words that commonly escaped the braided girl’s mouth.

Sydney breathes out a laugh, “I’m just joking!”

“Yeah, yeah! Maybe I should text fak back and tell him not to come by!”

“You asked fak instead of the apartment manager?” Sydney is in amazement.

“Fuck that noise, he’s so full of shit that he should see a doctor about it. He’ll show up to analyze the problem, then acts like he’s going to fit you into the schedule and then when you catch him in the lobby he pretends that he has amnesia.” You commented with a scowl.

You get ready to minimize the call to text fak but some obnoxious knocks at the door made you pop up from your bed. “That was fast!”

Hopping up from the bed and padding out of the last bedroom in the apartment, you made the journey through the foyer to the awaiting black front door. Peeking through the peephole you spot Fak grinning widely up into it, almost making you jump back.

“He’s made it Siddy! I’ll call you back!”

“K. Good luck!” Sydney calls out before you end the call to pull the door wide open.

“Neil!” You scream, quickly latching onto his tatted wrist ready to yank him in until you notice someone else is with him, “…why is he here?” You point.

Fak quickly glances over at a brimmed Carmy who raised a brow at him in a silent told you so manner, “I mean we were having a boy’s day when you called and I didn’t want my buddy to be left out. Plus, it’s always great to have some assistance.”

“…i find it hard to believe that Carmen wants to fix my toilet.” You cross your arms, poking out your hip as you stare at him.

Carmen shrugs his shoulders, “I wanted to wait in the car if it makes you feel any better.”

“Hmm…it doesn’t.”

Carmy rolls his eyes, pinching at the bridge of his nose briefly in agitation, “you know what, fak you’ve got this right? I know you do so—

“Nope!” Fak quickly interrupts, “this maybe a two person job so aspie if you just let us do what we came to do—

Shooting an arm out to block the doorway you peer into Fak’s dark teal eyes to show you mean business, “didn’t I say I dislike that nickname, Neil?”

He nods.

“Also i find it offensive that you brought an uninvited guest to my place.”

“Just be glad it wasn’t Richie because that was also a possibility before he ran off to pick up the kid.” Carmy snaps making you roll your eyes.

If Richie was here you been would have slammed the door in both Fak and his face. Sure you had some sort of tension with Carmy and beef with .......his cousin but at least Carmy only gave it back to you when he had the energy to—meaning if he was already on one. The issue was simple, you wrote a not so nice review once before when the eldest berzatto, Michael was alive and running the joint. Richie couldn’t forget that and actually kept the clipping, yes the clipping of the review way back when. He had the receipts to show Carmy and Carmy actually brushed it off then, not seeming to really care or doubt some of the words that were said.

He came to revamp the place because Mikey left it for him, to fix the mess his big brother left behind, to create what they’ve always dreamed of. Sure he got shit for it in the beginning and part of him felt like maybe that was your case too? He could relate to you on that, yet the weight was slightly different on his part and he even spoke with you not long after he found those tomato cans.

That gave him a certain push he couldn’t really explain. He may have done a brief dive on you, wondering why you felt acquainted to him—completely forgetting about seeing you once around Noma—choosing to start with reading previous reviews by you on other restaurants here in Chicago and a few interviews you’ve done over the world. You weren’t just some nobody, you held your titles well and it reflected in your work.

You weren’t clueless.

He just didn’t really know what he was dealing with until a short time ago.

What he didn’t expect was for you to show up again on opening night with a certain head chef, also from New York. That made carmy more anxious than anything, seeing you sitting beside that four eyed fuck ready to set off a tornado in the heart of the bear. Was that your motive all along? With carmy attempting to build a bridge, not for you to kiss his ass with praise but there was a odd need to have a simple conversation with you. It was weird but it seemed like Sydney, Fak, and Nat liked you?

The jury was still out with the rest—except Richie but you were a mystery to Carmy. However carmy wasn’t the best at putting a read on people or their emotions in the first place, he was good at fucking that up unless you’re screaming it into his face. That’s just how he operated.

“You two can come in—only because I don’t have the patience with the manager here and Neil’s the best I’m gonna get.” You state while fak slaps a hand on his chest.

“That was really sweet, Aspen.” Fak cooed ready to pull you into a bone crushing hug but you hold up a finger.

“Save the hugs until after you fix my problem.”

“You got it boss,” Fak salutes before diving under your arm to travel through your apartment, ooo-ing and ah-ing before finding the bathroom around the corner from the living room.

Sighing you drop your arm and wave carmy through, who keeps his view straight while traveling through the hallway. You call out to him, “you can have a seat on the couch.”

“What? Did you drop a load or something and is that the real reason why you don’t want me to help Fak?” Carmy comes right out with it, nose twitching in amusement after whipping around to face you in the center of the living room.

See…only when he’s frustrated or overly focused will he just let it out. Some may look at this as Carmy attempting to make a joke but you took that somewhat personally. The only thing you were thinking after he said this was: What an ego on this one huh?

You stop on your heels and tilt your head to the side, “are you telling me that you think women or fem pronoun users don’t take shits? Do you know what it feels like to have period shits?”

Carmy blinks at you and shouts with his hands out, “I...don't even know what the fuck you're getting at? I wasn't even trying to be sexist to you just then! I asked you a honest question—

“About you being in my business,” you pointed out, “contrary to your beliefs I have a heart and decided to be nice to you and let you stay in my place to keep warm. You’re welcome!”

“Oh bullshit, don’t act like you’re doin’ me any favors.” Carmy scowls, “you don’t even want me here.”

You shrug, “yet you’re here in my apartment, yelling.”

Carmy exhaled while you smirked at him sweetly before turning to lean against the wall that leads to the bathroom.

“Everything okay in there, Neil?”

“Oh yeah!” He says, “I think I figured out the problem. Easy peasy!”

“Great!” You exclaim, pulling your phone out from your sweats to read a very important email.

The weight of stress seemed to lift a good chunk as you quickly responded to a email that you’ve been waiting for. You’ve been invited out (squeezed in) to a taste test at this restaurant for this evening that you’ve been trying to get into for a month before you brought it up to your employer. The deadline was approaching for the end of this week to have a review ready and they just responded to you five days before that deadline! Reading over it twice, the squeal in you slipped through your smile until you read the exceptions.

If you were to go over the amount of food purchased, which you would put on the company card anyways, you can get a discount if you brought a plus one and some reimbursement if the review was satisfactory to the owners—which the last part wasn’t unfamiliar to you.

You usually didn’t bring a plus one to any of the places you did reviews for, you got comfortable doing outings all on your own but this was different. Sure you were somewhat known in the culinary world but that didn’t mean you were a millionaire and this restaurant was apparently upscale. There was a waiting list regardless of your status—even for the celebrities that went there so this was a big deal and they gave you a short notice. Usually Sundays were known for a reset for the week but what better way to start it?

You don’t go forward with reaching out to anybody else that you work with. This was your battle and you were aware that two of your other co-workers also reached out to this restaurant. You just hoped you were the only one they picked and wouldn’t miss out on the great opportunity just because you weren’t sure about your guest.

A few hours before show time and you had to find somebody to attend with you. Your best friend was away in Cabo for a honeymoon, the other (who recently planned on moving to ATL) was dealing with the flu and had their no good ex boyfriend taking care of them, Sydney was suddenly MIA, and you even considered inviting Natalie Berzatto to piss carmy off just a bit.

“Hey, Nat!” You greet into the phone as you walk into the kitchen, witnessing Carmy perk up from the couch.

It’s small talk at first: you asking about how her day is going as a mom to be, if she’s going to be at the bear tomorrow, did she watch the Emmy’s the other night, tell her husband you said hello, and then finally if she had plans for tonight.

“…are you asking me to hang out?”

“We had fun at that club way back when no?”

“Yeah! But that was how long ago?”

You knew it’s been awhile. You were always friendly with Natalie, meeting her first—well second out of the siblings down at the small mart one summer you helped out at that your great-uncle owned. She was huffing about something her boyfriend at the time, Pete forgot to bring her and some groceries she was picking up for her mom. You were cool enough to become Facebook friends, exchange numbers, go out for coffee and go to the club together. This wasn’t unusual to call each other randomly but you knew she commonly got shit from Michael and Richard about her talking and hanging out with you.

The thing about Natalie Berzatto is that she always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. Yes she saw your review yet she kinda laughed about it initially but it was all fuck you’s from the other two loud mouth’s. Of course she was going to listen to her brother but she still had a mind of her own. she didn’t care to listen to Richie go off but she understood how Michael felt, although she was the only other Berzatto that heard you out.

Except you didn’t owe anybody an explanation even if some felt you were more cutthroat in your younger years.

“...Before you and Pete even thought about marriage?”

You were younger than them but you imagined how it would always work out for Nat and Pete, which included growing old together.

“Wow! Yeah that sounds right.”

“So…?”

“Can’t do it.”

“You didn’t even hear all the details!”

“I know, I know and it sounds like it’ll be a real fucking blast but if this kid wasn’t sitting on my sciatic nerve constantly and if my feet weren’t the size of two honeydews…I totally would! But I’ll have to decline this time around—so please don’t hate me!”

“I could never!”

“You know you could always ask carmy-

“Why on earth would I do that?” Your reply was instant.

Natalie sighed over the phone, “aspen…the potential of friendship and love is a beautiful thing.”

You scrunched up your face at the phone before placing it back to your ear.

“Do you want me to hang up on you?”

“I’d call you a rude bitch if you did but then get over it.”

“I can live with that because I know it’s real love between you and I.”

“…whatever that means.”

“Right.”

You both laugh, knowing just how weird the subject of love can be. Although you didn’t talk all the time it was always okay for one of the other to drop a venting text or call each other’s way and know the other would get around to responding. The both of you may not be the best of friends but you did consider each other friends regardless. There were conversations between the both of you that no one knew about and would be a constant reminder of what kind of friends the both of you would remain.

Natalie wished things could have been resolved between you and Michael but she reassured that the dislike wasn’t as deep as it seemed. There was no secret that you felt awful about how his life ended and being there for nat during that time also meant a lot. She told you that one of the last conversations she had with Michael was about you and it felt as if he was learning to let go of your review, slowly taking in Nat’s words of you not having a cruel bone in your body especially with all that you’ve done for her.

Anybody that showed his sister true friendship couldn’t be complete garbage. As much as he tolerated Pete, Michael was always aware that he was good enough for his sister. They were all cut from different cloths and the Berzatto’s were just from the same but opposite corner’s.

Natalie telling you this was not to erase any worries you had since that is always brought to the surface when someone you’ve been face to face with before decides to end it all. It was to show you that nobody ever truly knows what anyone is thinking whether there is love there or not.

You can feel Natalie smiling through the phone, “Think about it…all that tension could be smoothed out if you extend the olive branch…now it’s your turn.”

“It’s not my fault he switched up on me after your opening night.” You didn’t lower your voice or make it louder but you were definitely staring at carmy now who was side eyeing you, looking like phineas from phineas and ferb.

“That’s something you need to talk to him about, don’t you think?” Her tone was always so gentle that it made you sick sometimes because she could be right.

“I’m not here to do think pieces.”

“…aren’t you a writer?”

“Have a good night, nat.”

“Ta-Ta!” Natalie sing-songs, “be sure to send me the deets later because carmy never tells me anything! Bye! Chat later!”

Hanging up the phone, you slide it onto the counter and tap your nails against the island. To the right of you, you pick up on some clinking in the bathroom—which sounds somewhat normal and zone in on carmy who’s also holding onto his phone but staring at the blank tv in thought.

“Hey, Carmen.” You call his name.

His bright blues turn to you as if he hasn’t been eavesdropping on your conversation here and there between his texts with Marcus.

“You. Me. The Saffron Simmer. 7pm.”

The air is frigid as the both of you hunch your shoulders shoving through Chicago’s winter. Shockingly the streets are filled with cars tonight so you had to park on the next street over before walking up and around to The Saffron Simmer. Carmy offered to drive, which was a debate—no shock there—since there was no way he was leaving the bear stock van behind for no license having fak to play around in.

Fak definitely found that offensive and said he didn’t mind hanging out at your place, being done with your toilet but with the look you sent him he said he’s find an Uber or fak2 can pick him up. It’s not like you didn’t trust fak in your place…it’s just that the possibilities of what he can get into are endless.

You also didn’t want to ride in the bear’s van not because of shallow reasons, you just wanted to annoy carmy just a bit more for fun. Walking mostly everywhere was the way to go growing up in New York and Carmy working there so doing so here in Chicago wasnt foreign either. However with the type of cold here in this city is enough to give the bravest of hearts hypothermia. So obviously driving was the best option, it’s just the petty back and forth between you two of who will drive had to be spewed.

Eventually you gave in and sat in the passenger side of the van, being on DJ duty for the twenty-five minute drive—something carmy didn’t care to argue over. The both of you made it on time, throwing the door back for carmy to catch then bouncing on your toes while he blew into his gloveless hands waiting on the greeter to find your reservation.

The pictures didn’t do The saffron simmer any justice. There was so much to look at with its modernized speakeasy décor and the high ceilings did a superb job of making the both of you feel small in the spacious space. Thankfully the dress code was business casual so you didn’t have to go all out but you still put in the effort of looking your best in simple attire. You’re shrugging out of your scarf, earmuffs, and puffer coat while Carmy is already seated; with only the removal of his cap across from you in a chair.

He’s watching you as you place everything neatly to the right of you before you're taking a seat in the leather oversized chair, then digging through your tote to pull out your notepad, Sony camera, phone, and bolt pen. You quickly scribble something on the first line and circle it before dropping your pen.

Rolling the sleeves of your long sleeves back underneath your blazer, you roll your shoulders with a close of your eyes before opening them with a look of determination.

“Wow, that was something.” Carmy tells you, making you set your eyes back on him, forgetting just that quick that he was your plus one.

Clasping your hands together you quirk up a brow, “What?”

“Watching you prep.”

You dip your head, “should have seen me before I got dressed…much worse.”

A smirk appears on the corner of Carmy’s lips, “oh yeah?”

“Well yes, I can contain myself in public, Carmen. Your home is supposed to be your safe space so that’s the best place to go a little crazy sometimes.” You inform, yet still not giving too much away.

“Why are you in your head about this place anyway?” Carmy peers around the slightly filled dining area before meeting your eyes once more.

You lift your shoulders, “have you seen the way they market this place? Giving not too much away although it’s top ten restaurants here and I can either contribute to its success or its downfall. They picked me for a reason so my review matters at the end of this year.”

“But you uh-get a thrill out of this shit don’t you? It’s what you signed up for, right?” Carmy is actually relaxed against the chair across from you.

Which is a sight to see.

You state, “it’s part of the job, if that’s what you mean.”

Carmy blinks and seems to get it, “and so you stay.”

“So I stay.” You echo while holding his stare, which is broken by a piece of the stone table lifting and showcasing the menu illuminated by sepia lighting in the dark of the restaurant.

Carmy’s bright eyes are wide as he stares at the menu that appears right in front of your faces. There’s a grin on your face as you rest your fingertips around its rough edges, almost as if you were expecting this while carmy blows out a breath.

“The hell is this place?”

You peek over at him, “some next level shit, berzatto.”

“Yeah…I think I’m starting to catch on.”

You turn your attention back to the menu, swiping your fingertips along the touch screen although you’ve heard things about the menu, which they kept offline since apparently it renews monthly.

“What looks good?”

“Uh…these pages aren’t even labeled." Carmy exhales through his nose, eyes searching all over the tablet, "I have no clue. You?”

The words come at ease for you, "One of almost everything maybe?”

“Sounds good...I guess?”

“On me by the way,” you state with a wink as you flash your company card.

“I’ll get the tip then.” Carmy pats his jeans, the left containing his carton of cigarettes, the right holding his keys, lifting his hips he checks for his wallet although he’s been sitting on his behind for about ten minutes now.

You don’t argue with that, eyes in awe at the selection of items as you start ordering, “don’t forget to order your drink.”

“Water should be fine,” Carmy mutters to himself, eyes scanning over the first strange title of water that is described as flower and ginger infused purified water and decides to go with that.

You finally express after rapidly letting your fingers go over the screen and taking a picture with your phone, “…Okay, so the only way for us to enjoy that huge discount is to act like we’re dating.”

It sounded so easy to you as you quickly shifted to pick up your pen and start writing notes.

“What was that?” Carmy pressed his elbows into the edge of the table, making sure he heard you right since he’s not even sure if he can trust his inner thoughts lately.

You’re still scribbling but also turning your face towards the messy haired chef, “you heard me. We have to act like we’re in a relationship because I’ve definitely went over the budget on the card.”

“That’s not really my problem?”

“Yes it is,” you demand, “you agreed to be my plus one so that’s that. Plus this menu further confirmed my suspicions from the email.”

Carmy scratches at his brow confused, “what are you talking about, aspen?”

“Here,” you swipe across your screen towards Carmy’s device, which brings up another screen instantly to carmy who’s in awe but scans over the details.

You didn’t share the email with him but he’s heard about how high tech this restaurant is but didn’t have the time to do his own research.

*Significant others in attendance are subject to applicable discounts.*

Carmy feels his stomach cramp at the fine print and it so small that he was sure anyone could have missed that.

Not you.

“…how exactly are we supposed to prove that, hm?” He's gripping at his greasy hair now, feeling himself getting a bit worked up about this.

You fanned your hand along, “just do what couples do and follow my lead...Depending on our witnesses,” you whisper as you look around, “they could always assume that’s what we are anyways.”

Part of carmy didn’t like how that came off.

“What, so you’d fake date me for discounted food but you wouldn’t real date me even though I could take you out to the best restaurants out there in town every fucking night if you wanted me to?” Flies out of Carmy’s mouth before he can even process what he’s saying.

That stoops you too, making you press your back against the chair in thought. That wouldn’t be going down in the notes, as you stare at the pen in between your fingers for a moment. Which brings you back to Carmy’s tatted fingers first that touched you in ways that romance novelist craved to write about.

So you may have left that out, how a shared conversation about the “heartless” review of then Chicagoland turned the bear melted into hot and heavy actions in the front seat of your Mazda. It hits you in those same flashes you take of dishes: the unsure sloppy kisses, you taking the lead to get Carmy to just touch you, shaky hands that trace the tattoo from your rib cage down to your hip before soon holding steady and angled just right beneath your red tapered trousers.

“Where did that come from?” You question just as a server greets you, delivering drinks and announcing the small plates should be out in the next five minutes with a timer appearing on both of the stone tablets.

Carmy says, “you—you didn’t just think I forget right?”

“Well I was hoping.” You were honest, “neither of us are ready for relationships—especially hearing about you and Claire.”

Carmy felt his eye twitch, “and how do you know about that?”

Sydney.

You wouldn’t throw her under the bus like that although you could tell carmy already knew.

“I have my resources but don’t think I’ve been asking around about you or anything like that.” You sipped at the raspberry mint cocktail, it could be stronger.

His thumbs are shaking first on the table top but his icy stare made your chest pulsate in a way you didn't particularly like, “…would that be so bad?”

You and carmy didn’t exactly know each other well enough besides a conversation once had and with his hand down your pants! and you trying to get him to crash, clothes still on right in the center of his lap—It was a spur of the moment hookup and you could tell it was not something that happened often for carmy. He never had time for it or bothered to get attached but there was something about you that had him thinking otherwise. What was supposed to be a one time thing that you swept to the back of your mind was being brought up again.

The annoyance overtook what that feeling brought in the front seat of your ride. You weren’t ignoring carmy after that but the both of you had a lot on your plate with him renovating a restaurant and you diving back into your own work. Both fields of work seemed to matter more and not once did you think he ever thought about you in that way.

Communication was important people!

And here you thought he wanted nothing to do with you, especially with you showing up to the grand opening of The Bear. Now here you were months later, basically at your benefit, face to face hearing only pieces of what Carmen Berzatto was thinking.

“Hey, guys!” A familiar voice gathers your attention and you both turn to see Sydney smiling at you two.

Carmy widens his eyes, “Syd, what’re you doing here?”

Sydney snorted, “doing the same thing you’re doing? Having dinner.”

“Right.” He lightly shakes his head.

“Oh my god…am I interrupting this um? Date?” Sydney quickly connected the dots eyeing the both of you back and forth while you’re choking on your drink, “you okay?”

She pats your back for you while you gasp and Carmy slides over his water your way although you have your own glass near by. Gaining some air, you swallow some water and breathe through your nose. Normally you would have a response for Sydney’s joke but given what carmy just said to you had your mind running along with some burning tears you wiped away.

“So this is where you’ve been instead of answering me back?” You decide to switch the subject-you were great at that-wheezing a bit while Carmy scoffs and looks away.

Sydney frowns, “huh? When did you call me besides the FaceTime call…” she starts and pulls out her phone, “oh shit sorry. I placed it on do not disturb like thirty minutes after you didn’t call me back. I got wrapped into some entail about the menu from one of the chef’s that works here and is also a friend.”

Carmy speaks, “Didn’t know you had a connect with anybody here, Syd.”

“Can’t reveal all my moves, Carm.” She winks and lightly elbows him while Carmy sends her a small smile and a shake of his head.

Carmy asks, “scooping out our competition?”

“Only a little," She pinches her fingers before continuing, "and my dad thought it would be a place I wanted to try.” Sydney admits, “and if you two weren’t on a date I’d say let’s make this a group thing! so I’ll be going! I see my dad coming back from the bathroom…he’s got like a bladder problem and I don’t know why I’m sharing that with you two. But bye! Enjoy and just know I’ll be keeping my eye on you two.”

“Fuck,” carmy exhaled feeling his nerves rising, “don’t do that.”

Sydney chuckles to herself and sends a wave to you two before walking back to her table by the window.

“Siddy kicked me to the curb for her dad,” you sigh resting your cheek into your knuckles for a moment, “can’t be mad at that.”

“But you can be mad at me for what exactly?”

“You wanna do this with me right now?”

“Yeah, I think I do.”

“I thought we could move past what happened—

“You can say it you know? Me with my fingers inside—

“Excuse me!” You hiss, “I don’t need you to repeat action by action thank you. I was there too. We both know what happened, we’d agreed we can coexist around this big ass city. I show up to support—

“Did you though?” Carmy pressed, “support me? Or am I waiting for something else to be thrown at me with your upcoming review?”

“What?!” You bite, “is that what your stank ass attitude is about?”

Carmy tightened his jaw just as the first serving was handed over. You let him sulk in that for some time as you study the plating of the four appetizers, making note of each before taking more pictures with your sony.

“I wasn’t there to write a review.” You reply.

“I saw you—

“Let me finish. I understand pressure so I get it but you have to learn to channel your anger and this grief, elsewhere and deal with it better without projecting it onto any and everybody. I’ll tell you that right now that won’t get you anywhere and especially with me, Carmen.” You affirm.

You’ve been in Carmy’s position before so you can speak with experience. He seemed to always be waiting for the worse to continue filling up his plate but it takes time to accept the good in life. He was giving you something but you weren’t sure it was the best option for the both of you and you weren’t afraid to say that.

“Alright…I didn’t come here to talk about feelings either you know? That’s what those meetings are for.” Carmy spills just a tad.

You stare at the vibrant but delicate plating but his tone and the soft upbeat tempo above your heads don’t go unnoticed. “What did you come here for then?”

Carmy blinks and snatches up a spoon, almost weighing it in his hands before he dives the utensil into the dish. He stares as the stretch of cheese, twisting the spoon to break it apart before holding the Macaroni and Brie with Crab out for you to take the first bite.

He doesn’t answer for awhile and so you do the honors of taking a bite and savoring it's texture and taste.

“…that’s not my favorite.” You announce and notice that Carmy waited for your view.

He raises his brows, “tell me about it?”

“They need different plating.” You deeply sigh, “I know that type of plating works best for a dessert and that’s not it. There’s more breadcrumbs than meat, which seems to not be fully removed from its shell so be careful with that. It’s also lacking flavor even with the brie, which is my least favorite kind of cheese in Mac, although many swear by it.”

Carmy flicks his attention to your disappointment to you scribbling into your notepad with a shake of your head. If he was making you a dish, he’d try his hardest to make sure it was everything you ever wanted.

He quickly has his share and thinks to himself.

Carmy can agree, this was lacking flavor and the breadcrumbs didn’t even have a crunch to them. You can’t just depend on the cheese to give you flavor in Mac and cheese.

“What’s your favorite dish? I—I don’t think I ever asked you that. We just went straight into talking about the beef.”

And doing dirty things in the front seat but who needs to relive that?!

You look up from your notes and lift your chin, “you’re looking at it. It’s childish I know...but that’s exactly what it reminds me of: my childhood. Mac and cheese! then as I got into my adulthood…crab kinda took over. Which is funny because I hated on it for so long growing up. My papa—my grandad, he helped my mom raise me, he's from Ocean City so you can only imagine the amount of seafood on our table.”

You’re smiling to yourself and Carmy can’t help but to feel his small laughter lines appear by his lips as you’re locked into some memory only you can remember vividly. This was the most Carmy was learning about you, sure it may not look like much but he didn’t feel the need to dissociate even if at times he really couldn’t help it.

You were the question mark that he wanted to figure out and get all the answers to. Maybe it was his gut and he shouldn’t have blabbed to sugar about you because now Carmy was thinking this was Michael’s doing.

If you believe in that shit.

So the both of you take your time trying the small dishes before getting the main courses. It seems the longer you sit across from each other—the tension was definitely still there especially with Sydney’s eyes burning into the two of you across the room and attempting to not get caught—although she had once or twice but gradually it lifted as you and carmy shared this time together.

He watched you work while you asked for his input before you told your own. He also provided a few things he would do to tweak it if he agreed with what you didn’t enjoy. Which was eye-opening for you, yes you went to school for journalism and sat in on some cooking classes once that also tied into your passion for learning. After completing your first degree you decided culinary may take you to different heights and enrolled into culinary school. You didn’t find the need to continue going through with being a chef after Copenhagen, finding writing to be your stronger suit but you still understood food and the relationship with it when it came to chef’s.

So you took carmy’s input into consideration.

With the last serving being a Asian dessert called, “Jjan Hae,” which consisted of: coconut rice pudding served with fresh citrus (orange, grapefruit, kumquat) and coffee ice cream, topped with crispy pop rice & a shot of Korean rice wine, it was a strange concept but the both of you came to terms with the dessert working well.

Carmy even took a video to show Marcus tomorrow at the bear and sent a photo to an old colleague, Luca, that you were also familiar with considering Noma was a thing that you didn’t bother speaking much on…but it was your turn to give carmy the last serving.

He hesitated since he had his own bowl, which he finished way before you did but it was clear you wanted him to have the last bite so he also took it while saying something with his eyes.

Breaking the stare, the both of you felt your phone buzz with a text. Carmy didn’t jump to answer it right away…he was the worst texter according to Nat and Sydney but you can answer for the both of you as it was a group text from Sydney who was long gone with her dad.

Siddy + (773) XXX-XXXX: Carmy, invite aspen to breakfast in the morning?? See you guys then! 👍🏾😉

“You guys do breakfast at the bear now?” You say lifting your eyes from your screen.

You heard Sydney made a mean omelette but you haven’t been back since earlier this year and you weren’t in the mood for that that night.

Carmy frowns and closes his eyes with a shake of his head, “uh yeah it’s a new thing that Syd came up with but we agreed to do that with everyone once a month…later this month. Why?”

“She wants me to have breakfast with you guys…knowing I’m not a morning person.”

“It’s not happening tomorrow anyway, so what is she talking about?” Carmy digs into his jacket, where he carelessly shoved his phone into after sending the photo off to Luca.

Another text rings out: at carmy’s place. just us three???

Not Sydney making plans and then placing it all at Carmy’s apartment.

He’s taking a breath, almost as a silent reminder for him to do so before his thumbs move over his screen: i don’t even eat breakfast, Syd.

Syd: well youre gonna.

~ Syd has notifications silenced 🌙 ~

“Well, looks like your work wife told your ass.” You laugh, which you translated into her message but didn’t comment further than that.

Carmy harshly exhales through his nostrils in disbelief, “my work wife huh?”

He didn’t hate how that sounded but he also never thought about marriage or relationships in awhile.

“Yeah…the proof is in the pudding, no matter what anyone says.”

Carmy pinched at his bottom lip as he attempts to dryly joke, “I thought it was rice? and what about outside work…”

“That’s something you have to figure out yourself.” You shrug, getting ready to pack up your notes and cameras.

You turn your attention to the table, which knows just when to lift as you tap on the screen to signal that you’re ready to pay while holding out your company card, “are you paying cash for the tip or card?”

“Uh, cash.” Carmy answers, “…what if I’m starting to think about what come’s next?”

“With Syd?” You question, your now sage and mint scented hands flying over the screen as you select the correct paying method before tapping your company card against the screen.

Carmy starts bouncing his leg underneath the table, “with everything.”

“Well…when you’re ready you’ll make moves to make it happen won’t you?”

Carmy dips his head, “you bet.”

And here comes the intense eye contact that you can’t help but to huff out some laughter.

“What’s funny?”

“It’s just people with light eyes always do this thing where they’re just staring into your soul you know? Like damn, relax!”

Carmy’s confused as he holds his wallet open, “uh sorry for having eyes?”

“Shut up, glacier eyes.” You tell while Carmy just snorts at you.

The both of you don’t waste any time rushing back to his car as the clock is approaching 10pm. The wind’s definitely picked up and the temperature dropped, making it easier not to get caught up in the night time city lights which you often liked to do. Back in the van, carmy doesn’t wait to crank up the heat and you don’t bother to mess with the radio this time.

“So?” Carmy asks as he waits for the car to warm up some.

You keep your attention outside the window shield, “yes?”

“What’s the rating?”

“What makes you think I’m going to tell you that, Carmen?” You continue holding yourself.

He sniffs, “I mean—I was sitting across from you the entire night while you told me some of your thoughts.”

“So you thought you should also get the final score? I don’t even know what I’m going to say yet.”

“Ah, I think you’ve got some idea.” Carmy lolls his head over to peek at you.

Laughter bubbles past your lips, “I do. I’ve absolutely had better because—what the fuck was that?”

Carmen feels a crooked smirk appear on his own face, “I don’t want to completely bash other chef’s work but fuck, I thought it was just me? You said it got a 4.3 out of 5? The ambience and service was spot on but…the flavor for most of the dishes?”

“I knew you knew something about seasoning,” you continued laughing while carmy rolled his eyes, “should spend less on the tech and interior and more on some fresh herbs.”

“Isn’t it called simmer saffron?”

That made you laugh even harder as you gripped your stomach, “You’ve got that so backwards!”

And carmy couldn’t help but to scan your features as you laughed and he felt his chest getting somewhat lighter? Just listening to the sound of you and being beside you. What kind of feeling was this? He’s felt it before looking at someone else but that feeling was more of a tug with that light while this one slowly poured in from the black.

“Don’t be too hard on ‘em though? There’s always room for improvement.”

“Sure, but we both know the bear is better and you guys don’t have a waist list months in advance.”

“We also don’t have any celebrities showing up either.”

“Yet.”

Carmy taps his fingers against the steering wheel, appreciating that, “right, yet…I’m sorry about March. I was too in my head about so much shit and you’re right, I took it out on everyone and I’m still trying to make up for it.”

“Effort doesn’t ever go unnoticed if people look and feel it hard enough.”

Carmy chews on his lips at that, “if you believe that…then why do you feel what I said about dating—uh us—about us dating is out of the blue?”

“I said that?”

“Your eyes did. It’s the most expressive thing about you which is funny to me when you talk so much shit about mine when you hide the rest of it away on your face. It’s fucking confusing but I think I gathered that from our dinner tonight.”

Carmy was just as detail oriented as you. It was in his language with food and maybe even in his tattoos that you tried to understand starting with his fingers first. The way he spoke about what he would do with the dishes that were lackluster, except for the dessert—that was pretty good. Carmy wasn’t much of a talker because he wasn’t sure how to express himself, always been that way since you knew of him at Noma…but he told just enough in his dishes and you told just enough between the lines you wrote.

Someone just had to look hard enough.

“…I ever tell you I was engaged? Of course I didn’t, we’re still…I don’t know what the hell we’re doing here Carmen but I’m starting to sense that we could be special if we both want this badly.”

“What do you want?”

“Does anyone ever really know?” You laughed, “ I guess someone to look past the circumstanial and I had that once but then he died. So that was the end of that.”

“You swore off love.”

“Love is many things but maybe I closed off the long lasting part.”

Carmy could relate to that as least with family. He never had much interest in romance even growing up because he lacked that confidence in anything being permanent besides the chaos he’s used to, then he found some of it once he proved what he fucking set out to do yet cooking was all Carmen really opened himself up to. While Luca and others encouraged him to have a night out in the town, he always left early or if there was one person that caught his interest, they get to talking and both get bored of each other since Carmy hardly made the move to take them back to his. Before Noma?

Maybe.

Back in Paris there was one that could have been permanent but Carmy had to break her heart since Noma was calling. Culinary was his true love and he honestly couldn’t tell you what she even looked like now if you asked him. Things that should have mattered tended to get buried in the blue of his mind unfortunately.

He didn’t have the time to be attached and you didn’t want to have your heart ripped out again.

“How’d—

“He was a firefighter.” Was all you said and just those words alone told carmy it was anything but peaceful.

It took a lot for carmy to scream at himself how Michael went out and he imagined it might have been the same for you. So he wouldn’t dare ask for further morbid details because what did that help?

So maybe you weren’t wrong about the both of you not being ready to take that step on going on dates but change was everlasting.

“Uh—what about breakfast then after that not so great meal?” Carmy asks as he pulls off from the curb now.

You think about it. Really think about it that carmy starts to assume you may have dozed off.

“Depends on the time honestly? And who am I to turn down a free meal?” You beamed at Carmy who lifts his shoulders with a chuckle.

Carmy explains, “Syd and I usually start our days early, sometimes even earlier for me if I don’t get enough hours in. but thanks to the reno those on the early shift can get prep ready and I heard…you’re not a morning person?”

You’re just as sarcastic but there’s no lies, “I don’t even know my name or birthdate when I first wake up…what do you think?”

Carmy snickered at that, “okay? So how does 10am sound?”

“That’s pushing it but…I think I can be there so that’ll give me the rest of the day to work from home.”

Carmy nods, “can’t wait to read it. Shake on it?”

“On what? My review or showing up?”

“Both.”

“I’m not sending you a sneak peek, maybe syd or even nat but not you.”

“Ouch.” Carmy mocks, still waiting for your hand to touch his.

And when you do there’s a spark, that makes you yank your hand back and you feel like you’re in one of those cheesy teen movies.

You’re aware carmy’s felt that too but he just clears his throat and placed his hand back on the steering wheel. Leaving you to lightly massage the palm of your hand, now glancing at the profile of carmy’s face.

Life takes time to live but once you start to just let it be, the green starts to stand out more and can be equally as joyous…once you get through the rain and mud that is.

And once the ice blue sets back on you, the both of you can’t exactly see the future but there’s always warmth waiting for the cold to give them a try.

𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡

February fluff anthology series continues here.

[saltpepperbeard]

Poison into Positivity: A List of What I Liked in OFMD S2

Hello hello everyone! Things have been a little rough around here. Even away from the more heated takes, I've still seen a few "down in the dumps" murmurs. To which, I'm giving y'all big hugs, but also offering up some little bits of warmth! I wanted to share quite a few bullets of the things I enjoyed about this season. Maybe it'll serve as a reminder, or maybe it'll just serve as a chaotic, silly little read as per usual PFFF.

But I invite you to read along, and even add some of your own points should you feel inclined! Also, this might not even be my full list; these are just the ones that came to me quickly/off the top of my head. Still, let's dive on down like a fantastical, dazzling goldfish, shall we?

All the callbacks/parallels. My goodness. When I tell you I'm a SLUT for metaphors/parallels/callbacks/etc etc. Seeing so many things and being able to just *Leonardo Dicaprio pointing meme.* I know people might not share that same opinion because some might view it to be excessive, but I personally LOVED being able to point at my screen and be like "oH EYYYYYYY!!!" Maybe because it makes for such immaculate gifset/meta material <3 SJKJDLHSK

The costuming and makeup. WHEN THEY TALKED AT ECCC ABOUT EVERYONE GETTING HOTTER, THEY WERE NOT KIDDING LMAO. EVERYONE LOOKED SO, SO GOOD. and listen, i am on my knees begging for them to give ed with his hair up back to us. i need Her back,,,ALSO, SOMETHING SOMETHING COMPLICATED EMOTIONS TOWARDS STEDE'S LATTER HALF LOOK, BUT ALSO...GOD DAMN, MR. DARBY,,,,,,

Speaking of Mr. Darby, the acting in this season. The ACTTTINNNGG. Everyone acted their ASSES off. Everyone put their entire piratussies into this season. Though, I'm PARTICULARLY impressed with Taika and Rhys, because again with their "oh we're comedians lol so idk drama can be Difficult Difficult Lemon Difficult." MMMM I THINK THE FUCK NOT, MY GUYS LMAO??? They both did SO well with all the drama and painful moments. The acting in episodes 2, 3, 6, and 7 in particular like...God. GOD!!!

I loved so many characters in this season, and I'll of course have to give two individual shoutouts to my two favorite new ladies, but man. LET'S GO FRENCHIE!!! ALWAYS A DELIGHT!!! FANG/KEVIN MY ABSOLUTE SWEETHEART. JIM SERVING ABSOLUTE FUCKING GENDER THIS SEASON. OLU OLU DARLING OLU. PETE NEVER MISSING WITH HIS ONELINERS. LUCIUS BEING SO THEATRICAL AHDJKSDK LIKE NATHAN PLEASE YOU KILL ME. ROACH MAKING ME LAUGH OUT LOUD NUMEROUS TIMES AS HE DOES. WEE JOHN AND HIS KNITTING AND DRAG!!! AND THEN OF COURSE MY DEARLY BELOVEDS, ED AND STEDE. I JUST LOVE THEMMMMM!!! But okay okay okay-

Zheng my beloved. I just love this badass pirate queen with her sweet little pigtails and her IMMACULATE LINE DELIVERIES SDHJKSKL. A lot of my favorite deliveries from the entire season came from her quite honestly. Please see: "Girl, how ARE you?" and "Hiiiiiii. I KNOWWW it's been a day" and "I've killed mediocre men. I've killed exceptional men. But you're the worst kind: a mediocre man who thinks he's exceptional."

AND ARCHIE MY BELOVED. She kills me because I remember seeing like, those ~*~audition tape whispers~*~ WAY back in the day, and subsequently thinking she was going to be quite a different character. Only for this silly goofy bubbly energetic darling to pop up and snag my heart. HER deliveries kill me also, like when she goes "Like...STEDE Stede?" and the whole "I was IN the fuckin' snake!" also hhngngngngnershkfhslkds tattooed ladies Hot :(

Speaking of which, the comedy. THE DELIVERIES. THE WAY I LAUGHED OUT LOUD NUMEROUS TIMES THROUGHOUT, EVEN WITH THE DEEP UNDERCURRENT OF DRAMA/ANGST. The whole bit where Stede is in hysterics over his cursed coat is just hsjkdhsklds; it will NEVER not make me wheeze. And then, like I said, almost EVERYTHING Pete says this season kills me; another thing that will never not make me laugh is "a doggie...?" weird little pirate show with weird little humor my beloved

The ROMANCE??? I genuinely was going into the season with the expectation of getting maybe like, one or two Gentlebeard kisses. Imagine my shock and utter delight when we ended up with FOUR, AS WELL AS AN INTIMATE SCENE, THE LETTER SCENES, AND THE LOVE PROFESSIONS. Like, one of them dropping a legitimate "I love you" felt like an unrealistic expectation--the HIGHEST dream tier really. And then wouldn't you know it. And that doesn't even account for all the rest of the couples either! The murder wives having their chaotic little moments of fucked up affection??? LUCIUS AND PETE GETTING ENGAGED AND THEN MARRIED??? HELLO??????

The sets! I know people have pointed out that the world felt a bit simplified this time around, due to budget restraints and what have you. But I still loved what they did with the world even with the various constraints. The market in episode 6 is a PARTICULAR favorite of mine; it's just so lush and colorful. I also love what they did with The Revenge during episode 6 too!

Also, this might be an unpopular opinion, but I really actually liked that they filmed on location. First of all, love that the Kiwis got to be right at home in Aotearoa. Love that they have an even more special connection to the show now. But second of all, I just like when scenery is...actually THERE? It feels way more TANGIBLE. Don't get me wrong; that hugeass wraparound screen that they use to film a lot of sets is a technological marvel. But I'm a sucker for practical.

The deeper and more complex dives into character motivations/trauma. Like, homie lol...When I tell you episodes 6 and 7 utterly set my brain alight in the best way possible. I was CHUGGING through thoughts. You know those gifs where someone is walking around and ranting/passionately talking,,, yeah. Yeah. Maybe because a lot of it "struck a chord" with me indeed, but I love love LOVE getting brain food like that.

Speaking of brain food, in PARTICULAR, the deeper dives into Ed's self-loathing and into Stede's troubles with confidence and masculinity. A lot of Stede's choices were fueled by those two things, and it was SO friggin fun to catch all of them, put them in a jar, and shake them around. I've seen a lot of people fearing his actions in the latter half were out of character, but to me, I don't see it that way. I just see a man who has been so spurned, so left behind, and SO deprived, a man who is stuck thinking he has to be someone else to mean something. And I think that plays a lot into even the EARLIEST developments we saw in season 1, so it was just so intriguing to watch everything messily play out.

THE INNKEEPER. THE INNKEEPER MY BELOVED. SO much about that episode absolutely has my heart. All the different developments, the stakes, the pacing, and the payoff at the end. Not to mention that I had a FEELING that mysterious figure in the trailers was Hornigold, so it was so SO validating to see him pop up PFFF. And also, all those dream/gravy basket sequences were so so good too. I don't know if it's the chemistry between Taika and Mark, or the deeper symbolism, or the lines that have become vocal stims for me SJKDLS (please see: ooOOoooO eddie eddie eddie...you're laying some heavy shit on me, bro), but man. MAN.

And this one gets its own bullet because of course it does: the fucking mermaid scene. Like, are we kidding. ARE WE KIDDING. THE ROMANCE OF IT ALL? THE FANTASTICAL-NESS INDEED?? THE WAY IT WAS ALL FUCKING PRACTICAL AND RHYS SWAM DOWN TO TAIKA AS A BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GOLDFISH AND THEY HAD TO THROW HEART EYES AT EACH OTHER UNDERWATER??? WHAT THE FUCK!!! And don't even get me started on Kate Bush lol. This Woman's Work might easily be one of my favorite songs, if not my FAVORITE song from the season. And man. Man. The whole meaning behind Ed seeing Stede as this beautiful, sparkly being, and not some hypermasculine/extraordinary thing. He fell in love with Stede for who Stede really is. And so I ADORE that acknowledgement.

Speaking of songs, the MUSIC!!! Absolute bangers all throughout. And I loved how there seemed to be even more intermixed within the episodes. Like God... "These are the kids..." 🗣️ HELLO MY LOVE I HEARD A KISS FROM YOU 🦗🦟🦗🦟🦗🦟 . And all the beautiful classic piano pieces and NINA SIMONE AND JUST HSJKDHSFJKLHSKD????

Okay, I've always had and STILL have complicated thoughts and opinions on Izzy, but man, seeing him interact with the Revenge Crew was really something. Seeing Stede's influence come over the lot of them like a warm blanket, extending its welcoming and familial hands...It was just lovely. I love seeing our little sea family care for each other so much. They've probably all hurt so so much in different ways, so to see them all being a collective heart is just so nice.

Speaking of which, the queerness of it all, the queer celebration of it all. The way the whole crew is just...a representation of queer people finding each other, and subsequently finding love and family in each other. Like, when the whole world wants to cast you out, you pull each other in. When no one else wants you, you take refuge in each other. And just...the joy, beauty, and wonder that can be found in that.

And speaking of which x2, the overall care that was put into the entire thing, the effort that was put into the entire thing. I know Max fucked us over with the budget, which subsequently fucked things like the intricacy, the amount of characters, and especially the pacing. But, I don't know; I personally could still tell everyone involved was trying so so hard to deliver for us. Based on the little details, the little callbacks, and the little moments that felt so catered to us, it just seemed so...gifted to us. Not to mention of course, the way they so deliberately chose to end on a hopeful note in case we never get a third season. They care about us. They've always cherished our excitement and passion, so it just...idk; it feels so special to have a bit more of an intimate connection like that. I've never been involved with a piece of media that so avidly SEES its audience, and celebrates along with us. So, despite everything, despite any sort of troubles, despite any sort of lows, that's a big part of what has me clutching all of this so closely to my chest. And I really hope they can still see that love, because I want nothing more than for them to see this beautiful story through.

Also, getting to enjoy this with everyone. Getting to ride the wave from the beginning of filming, all the way through the finale. Getting to see all the excitement, all the theories, all the art, all the fanfiction, all the gif sets, all the meta, and everything in between. It has carried me through some nastiness in my personal life, and has subsequently served as a very welcomed distraction. It's been such a pleasure getting to delight in this new content with you all, and I hope we get to do so into the future. <3

[sbdskate]

Laws Of Attraction (Part 5) - DR x lawyer!fem!reader

Summary: McLaren is in breach of contract, dr3 hires a lawyer to deal with the aftermath. Tropes ensue. Slow burn. Enemies(kind of) -> Friends/colleagues -> Lovers

Pairing: lawyer!fem!reader x Daniel Ricciardo

Warnings: language, angst, mature themes

Word Count: 4,371

A/N: In a shocking turn of events, this is in fact not the last part. I really wanted to put something out there this week but I’m still not quite finished with the last bit of the story. That being said, I think I found a good break point. I’m not even going to jinx myself by saying the next part is going to be the last, so TBD. Thank you again for your support. Please don’t be a ghost reader, and please feel free to comment or DM with any positive or constructive feedback. Enjoy!  

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Epilogue 1

You woke up the next morning feeling refreshed. Perhaps that was your fatal flaw all along. The entire time you spent trying and failing to suppress and divert your feelings for the driver, you would have been better served leaning into them and letting them go in a controlled space.  

In clearing the air with Daniel, you felt a weight lifted. You were still shocked by the revelation that the feelings were mutual at least in part, but there was comfort and stability in the understanding that had been reached. The lightness allowed you to finally stand in your confidence and share in the excitement of the next phase of negotiations. The season would be over in less than a month, with only two races left including Brazil. You were grateful for the light at the end of the tunnel.

You discreetly made your way to Red Bull hospitality on Thursday morning, bright and early in Sao Paolo before the chaos of media day began. There was only an admin there who greeted you showed you around. You made yourself comfortable in the empty kitchen area, where it was immediately obvious the difference in resources. It felt opulent yet comforting, especially compared to the aggressive orange and sparse theme of McLaren. Then again, spending any excessive time around McLaren hospitality or their garage nowadays just made you depressed and resentful.

It was early, even for you, and you desperately needed to caffeinate before the meeting. You saw the coffee machine, but no mugs in sight. You began opening drawers and cupboards in search of a vessel, cursing Christian Horner in your head. You finally found them, but of course they were on one of the upper shelves. You strained your body to extend as far as it would go, everything you needed just out of reach. While adjusting your balance on your tiptoes, you felt a warm body press against you and a shadow of an arm reaching over you. You closed your eyes and sharply inhaled, relishing the pressure on your back and the smell of familiar cologne. You opened your eyes again when he peeled away from you.

“I think you were looking for this?” Daniel handed you a mug. You took it, feeling your fingers brush again. The epiphany you had earlier was dispelled in an instant. Engaging in self pleasure may have acted as a momentary release, but it did not subdue the feelings that had taken firm root over the last few months. Masturbation was simply a light pruning for the sturdy tree that now grew in your garden that refused to be moved by earthquakes or hurricanes.   

“I could’ve gotten it,” you grumbled avoiding eye contact. You had told yourself you had no reason to feel awkward about the other night, but you felt yourself shrinking in his presence nonetheless. His voice went up several decibels and he batted his eyes to mock you.

“Good morning, Daniel! Thanks so much for helping me! Good morning to you too, no problem, so happy I could help.” You rolled your eyes.  

“Good morning. I promise I’ll be nicer in ten minutes once I’ve had my coffee.” You haphazardly raised your empty mug. He raised his hands and backed away, a small smirk on his face, but did not leave. He found a seat elsewhere in the kitchen, and you felt his eyes on your back as you went about your business.

You locked eyes when you turned around with a full cup. He innocently smiled and waved, while you forced an aggressive smile back. Leaning against the counter, you took a few sips of coffee without breaking eye contact. After a few minutes you joined him.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi.”

“Are you done being a cunt?”

“Are you done being a douche canoe?” He snorted.

“I guess not.”

“Likewise.” You paused. “Sorry. I wasn’t expecting you to be here so early before the meeting.”

“Yeah, I don’t know. Me neither. I’m excited, I think. And a little nervous.” He looked like a child on his first day of school, fidgety and unable to contain the energy requiring release. He couldn’t help the growing smile on his face. It was contagious, and you quickly found yourself smiling too.

“You should be – excited! Not nervous,” you quickly clarified. He looked down while he continued to bounce his knee.

“What if I make the wrong choice again?” he timidly whispered, though it could have been a question directed at you or the universe. It was no secret that many thought him leaving Red Bull in 2018 was the worst professional decision Daniel Ricciardo ever made, his short stint with Renault followed by his experience with McLaren as evidence. However, hindsight is 20/20. Perhaps he had too much hubris at the time, but he very validly thought he was being forced into a second driver position. How could he have known the series of unfortunate events that would follow? You did not fight the urge to hold his hand this time, gently placing yours on top of his in the middle of the table as you leaned in.

“There is no wrong choice this time,” you whispered back.

You truly believed that Daniel was in a win-win situation. Mercedes was a well-oiled, professional machine. The relationship there would be a symbiotic one. You thought they could help ground and focus Daniel, while Daniel could improve their public image and perhaps allow them to shed their somewhat stuffy, mechanical persona. Moreover, it would represent a clean slate with a new team. Conversely, you couldn’t deny how poetic a return to Red Bull would be. The place where Daniel spent so many years at the beginning of his career, it would be a momentous homecoming.

The Red Bull kitchen was quiet and empty. He looked at your hand. You were about to pull away but he lightly took hold of it before you could.

“Thanks,” he said in a soft voice to match the soft smile that graced his features.

“Of course. You know I’m always here for you.”

“I know.” He lazily rubbed your fingers with his thumb.

“Do you want to go over anything before the meeting?” You feebly attempted to redirect the conversation to be more professional, but you both knew there was no real effort as neither of you moved.

“Not really. I feel good this time.”

You remained in comfortable silence for a beat, lost in the exchange of energy that passed through one another. Your phone buzzed, pulling you away from the moment temporarily. Your face fell slightly. He looked at you expectantly.

“Well, you’re stuck with me today. The partner’s tied up with something.” You raised your gaze to meet his, searching for some kind of approval. He feigned distress.

“Oh no, what will I do? You’ve only handled 70% of this whole process on your own.” You squinted, skeptical of his confirmation.

“You trust a meager, low level associate to handle the entire trajectory of your future?”

“At this point, I trust you with my life.”

It was hard to tell whether he was being overdramatic for comedic effect or genuine. Foot steps in the distance pulled you from your trance, your hands quickly recoiling. With his back to the entry, he didn’t miss the chance to give you a wink and a smile that made you want to melt into the floor. Instead, you rolled your eyes in response but your bashful smile gave you away. You stood up when you saw your expected hosts enter.

“My two favorite people!”

“Good morning, Christian. I appreciate it, but you know flattery doesn’t work with me,” you quipped as you shook hands. When he wasn’t pissing off the rest of the grid, Christian really was quite the charmer when he wanted to be.

“On the contrary, it will get you everywhere.” The smile didn’t leave his face when he turned to Daniel, arms wide open. Their energy was well matched as they embraced in a warm hug. As happy as the driver was last week with his points finish, he seemed immensely more comfortable now.

When they separated, Christian looked at you again.

“What is this? Coffee and no Red Bull?” he teased.

“Sorry, had a bad experience in law school with energy drinks I’m afraid. Nothing personal. Though I was beginning to wonder whether the coffee machine was for decoration only.”

“They hide the mugs on purpose,” Daniel chimed in. Given the dimply smile and his tone, you would think he was joking but knew he was absolutely telling the truth.   

“He leaves for four years, comes back, and thinks he owns the place and can share company secrets.”

You had seen it several times now, but it amazed you how easy their relationship seemed. Although technically Mercedes was not out of the question, you already knew where Daniel’s heart was. It was now just a matter of ironing out the details.

Christian and the Red Bull lawyer joined you at the table in the kitchen. It was a nice change of setting, the informality of it made the weight of the discussion feel a bit lighter. The process with them was easy, especially compared to McLaren and even Mercedes. While it was slightly less formal, at all times you felt respected. Not once did anyone assume you were an admin or paralegal, which admittedly is a low bar. But even beyond that, especially with the partner’s absence, you were never treated as a subordinate and your professional capabilities were never called into question. Of course this process was not about you, but in your opinion you believed choice of outside counsel was an extension of the type of work environment your client could expect. Red Bull had been a pleasant surprise in this respect.

It was all smiles when you exchanged handshakes as you parted ways. You and Daniel were shown out the back door to avoid a few media that had just started to arrive at the paddock. You walked behind the teams’ hospitality stations so that you could join the main entry of the paddock without raising suspicion.

“So. How do you think it went?” you casually asked. You didn’t want your own opinion to taint whatever his genuine response may be.

“Honestly… I think it went really well.” The dimply smile you had become so fond of returned to his face.

“Honestly… me too.” You allowed yourself to show your enthusiasm, feeling yourself break into a wide grin. Away and hidden from the main walk of the paddock, he grabbed your hands and you both quietly squealed and jumped up and down. After a few seconds when you stopped and regained composure, he asked:

“So, what’s next?”

“Well, that depends on you. If you think you’re ready to pull the trigger with Red Bull, you let me know ASAP and assuming we’ve already nixed any dealbreakers that would’ve been in their offer, we go through everything again with a fine-tooth comb, see if they’re able to come up on anything and sign.”

“And Mercedes?”

“We keep them in play until everything is in writing and executed. No need to have a PR disaster like Alpine.” You were, of course, referring to the unfortunate circumstances of Alpine prematurely announcing Oscar Piastri as their second driver for 2023. He chuckled as you continued walking towards McLaren. You could hear the hustle and bustle from the press getting louder as more people began to arrive. He paused just before you were about to turn the corner and enter the circus.

“I want to be at Red Bull,” he said definitively. You smiled.

“Ok then. I’ll get to work.” He gave you an encouraging fist bump before taking a deep breath, knowing this would be the last bit of downtime you both had for the rest of the weekend, reluctant to leave the nest of the quiet sanctuary you shared just behind the organized chaos.

“Shall we?”

You sighed. “No time better than the present.”

-

Brazil was an eventful whirlwind. It was no surprise to you that Daniel continued to skillfully navigate an onslaught of questions about his future in the sport on press day and the rest of the weekend. On Saturday, the two of you gossiped excitedly when Kevin Magnussen got pole in qualifying despite Daniel’s own mediocre performance. Obviously the sport was cut throat, but everyone couldn’t help but root for the Haas underdog. There was a buzz during the sprint, Daniel just out of reach of the points in p11. Unfortunately, the race itself ended up resulting in a DNF for both McLaren boys. With each day of events, Daniel’s mood seemed to sour despite the positive steps being taken behind the scenes. Of course DNF-ing on what could be his second to last race ever is not what anyone wanted. However, while you sympathized for Daniel, that’s not what you were focused on. There was the celebration of George’s first win with Lewis also on the podium, but then there was the internal team drama you watched unfold at Red Bull.  

You anxiously waited out the post-race interview process so that you could update your client. If there was any question on what the path forward was before, it became crystal clear today.

As he walked through the paddock eager to get to his drivers room for some solitude, he saw you practically bouncing on your toes. He was a little annoyed to see you in such high spirits after an abysmal race, but it also made him relax a bit.

“I should DNF more often if it makes you this happy,” he dryly joked as he approached you. You should have been used to this song and dance by now. He makes a questionably flirtatious comment, you blush and get flustered, and after a bit of fumbling you redirect course and get back to business. You knew he wouldn’t change his behavior, no matter how many times you halfheartedly scolded or ignored him. It shouldn’t make you flustered any more, but there was excitement in not knowing whether there was any truth behind it. And as much as you hated to admit it, you liked it. But that was before your conversation in Mexico, where you divulged so much about your own inner turmoil. You had made yourself vulnerable. After that, you had assumed he would stop out of respect. What was a thrill before now felt like a cruel joke at your expense.

“Very funny,” you deadpanned. “I have some important news to share with you, can we go somewhere private to discuss?”

“You’re not going to buy me dinner first?” He had said this before, but it wasn’t landing like it used to.

“You’re going to have to buy yourself a new lawyer if you keep this act up.” For someone who didn’t finish the race, he was being awfully cocky today. And by goodness, did it make you feel things.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re the one who said you wanted to be alone with me -”

“Daniel.” He usually stopped after the first rebuttal.

“Not that I’m mad at it-“

Your previous excitement began to sour in your mouth as your heartbeat quickened. You grabbed his wrist and dragged him through McLaren hospitality to his drivers room. You didn’t care who saw or what it looked like. You practically pushed him in and shut the door behind you. His eyes widened as you got in his face.

“Oh shit, is this actually happening?” he began to pull at his shirt.

“What?! No. Shut up. What is wrong with you today?”

“Oh come on, I was just joking! You know I always do this.”

“No.” You pushed your pointer finger into his chest. “Today, you’re being an ass. I don’t know if this is you acting out after a shitty race or what, but pull it together. You are not a 21 year old frat boy, you’re a 33 year old world class athlete with a fully developed frontal lobe - who is now wasting my time, and rest assured, I am billing you for it. And if you stopped your inappropriate jokes for two fucking seconds and let me do my job, I would have told you that there’s a solid chance you can be on the grid in 2024 in a fucking Red Bull. Thought you might want to know.”

You had backed him into a wall and were inches away from his face, huffing and puffing. You were so mad, that one man could make you so infuriated and horny at the same time. His eyes were still the size of dinner plates, but his expression had fallen slightly. It was his turn to blush. He had been surrounded by yes-men for so long, he couldn’t remember the last time he had been chastised like this.

“I’m sorry-” You continued, your tone somewhat more even.

“Max wouldn’t let Checo through today despite what it would mean for the driver’s and constructor’s championships because he thinks Checo purposefully sabotaged him during qualifying in Monaco. The girls are fighting which is more bad PR for Red Bull, Checo’s contract is up next year, and if this dynamic continues between the two drivers then there’s a good chance they won’t renew it.”

“That’s great news-” You cut him off again.  

“Am I a joke to you? Because I know you wouldn’t be making these comments if I was a man. I know you thought I was some secretary when we first met, but I really thought I had earned your respect throughout this process.” He looked at you now wearing the pink pantsuit you’d worn on that fateful first day.

“Can I just-”

“I’ve had to deal with so many mediocre men with undeserved self-inflated egos my entire life. I’ve dated them, I’ve been in class with them, I’ve worked with them, I’ve worked for them – especially the last five years at this godforsaken law firm. Lord knows I don’t need another one. I’ve had to work twice as hard and be better than them to prove myself as an equal. And even with all that, no matter what, as soon as I leave the room I’m the punchline of some joke I never asked or wanted to be a part of because I have boobs. Maybe we got off on the wrong foot initially but I really thought you were different. But no-”

One second you were ranting, the next you were cut off by lips crashing into yours. In your fury you missed his warm brown eyes darting between your eyes and your lips. In a flash he had grabbed the lapel of your suit jacket to bring you towards him, your hands landing firmly on his chest. Fireworks flashed behind your eyelids and for a moment you forgot what day it was, where you were, and who you were. You don’t know how long it lasted. You should have pulled away. You definitely shouldn’t have kissed back. But the taste of saline on him from the demands of the day and the scruff of his beard on your chin and cheeks made you want to stay. You smelled his cologne mixed with musk and, what was that, aftershave? Instead, he pulled away first.

You blinked a few times, jaw slack. You brought a hand to your lips, half to make sure they were still there but also for confirmation that you didn’t just hallucinate.

“Sorry, it was the only way I could think to get you to shut up so I could get a word in edgewise. If you’d let me talk, I would say I think you’re the most brilliant person I’ve ever met. You’re smart, witty, funny, and no, it doesn’t hurt that you’re as good looking as I am. You think I give a fuck about billing? I would spend my entire fortune down to nothing if it meant I got to spend more time with you. I’ve known for weeks I wanted to go to Red Bull and I didn’t tell you until three days ago because as excited as I am about figuring out what I’m doing next year, I’m equally dreading it because as soon as I sign that means you leave. When you’re not in the room I only sing your highest praises. So yes, of course I respect you. And I realize, kissing you just now may have proved your point, and I’m sorry about that. And you’re right that I’ve been a cunt today and a lot of this weekend, and I’m sorry about that too.”

There had been very few times in your life where you were left speechless, and this was one of them. It was literally your job to be good with words, and right now they failed you.  

“And I know you’re going to say ‘let’s forget that this ever happened’ and I’ll move on and get back to business, but I can promise you I won’t. I’ll never tell another soul for your sake, because I don’t want you to lose your job, but I refuse to forget this, our conversation in Mexico, or that Sunday in Austin. You’re unforgettable f/n l/n.”

You stood there in silence for a few moments. Your adrenaline was through the roof and your mind was blank. He was clearly looking for a response, yet you had none. You did your best to break the tension.

“Well if your goal was to get me to shut up, you succeeded.”

“Honestly, I’m as shocked as you are,” he said with a small laugh. There was another long pause. “I shouldn’t have said all of that, I’m sorry.” You gave him a knowing smile.

“No you’re not.” He smirked.

“Yeah, not really.” You had become particularly focused on a speck of dirt on the floor, but finally returned his gaze.

“You know nothing can happen,” you whispered. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement of fact that was directed at yourself as much as him. You unsuccessfully tried to hide the disappointment in your voice. He refused to look away from you even when you continued to avoid eye contact.

“Yeah, I know.”

Silence descended again. There was nothing else to say. You realized through your tirade and this whole exchange you had been standing dangerously close to one another, and you hadn’t backed away after the kiss. You could feel his heartbeat on your chest, and you were pretty sure he could hear yours. You separated yourself and tried to pick up whatever pieces of dignity you had left. You straightened out your suit jacket and cleared your throat.

“I’m going to try to add some clauses in the contract for 2024 primary driver placement. They’ll almost certainly come back with red lines to make them conditional, perhaps based on Checo’s performance and/or your own performance in the sim, but Horner loves you so much that I think they’ll be receptive to the idea overall.” Your heart hurt at how crestfallen he looked.

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“I’ll send you a draft before it goes to Red Bull. You can expect deliverables by tomorrow.”

“Ok.”

“Assuming everything goes smoothly, I anticipate the agreement to be fully executed by Abu Dhabi. Does that sound like a reasonable timeline?”

He was incredulous at how quickly you could shut everything off. He had spilled his heart to you and in return he received merely an acknowledgement before you put an abrupt end to the conversation. You had done it so many times before to a lesser extent that he shouldn’t have been surprised by how quickly your walls went back up, but he somehow thought this time would be different.

“Yeah,” he finally answered. “But… I want to wait until after the race. I don’t want to have to worry about sneaking away in the middle of practice or qualifying.” It was his way of saying he wanted you there for the duration of the race weekend, he had gotten used to your presence over the last three months. Despite whatever this altercation did to your relationship, professional or otherwise, he couldn’t imagine finishing the tumultuous season without you by his side. He hoped you would pick up the subtlety, but it went over your head.

“I don’t know Daniel, Red Bull probably has a million celebratory events immediately afterwards seeing as their driver won the championship and they won the constructor’s. I imagine McLaren also has a bunch of end of season events planned as well that you’ll have to attend.”

“Can we ask if they can spend an extra day in the country?”

“If you want to wait until after the season is over I totally get it, it might just be easier if we try to schedule something at Milton Keynes the following week.” For someone so smart you were also awfully dense. He tried to come up with a logical explanation that you would be willing to go along with.

“I just thought it would be smart to be able to announce this within a few days after the end of the season, where there’s still buzz and interest and before we get too far into winter break. Plus then it would give the team a few days to come up with a press release still within that timeframe.”

You couldn’t argue that such timing would be better publicity for both him and Red Bull.

“Hmm, I suppose you’re right. No promises, but I’ll reach out to Red Bull to see what their schedule is like.”  

He was satisfied with the victory, no matter how small.

“Is there anything else?” The words felt hollow as they left your mouth. He looked away, shaking his head in disbelief.

“No, I guess not,” he said in defeat. You felt terrible. There were so many things you wanted to tell him, but saying them out loud would only serve to stoke the wildfire you so desperately wanted to put out.

“I’ll see you next week in Abu Dhabi,” you said meekly. You left the room, ending the exchange in a stalemate with neither party satisfied.

Taglist: @ravenqueen27 @leslizzle @zendayabelova @eitak-t @chiliwhore @wewoo1233

[daichinom]

LAST REFUGE

chap. 7

Daryl Dixon x Grimes Reader

Season 1

⚠️Warning: spoilers, blood, mentions of death and suicide, medical terms, angst, typical TWD violence and gore, vomiting, child injury, allusions to gunshot wound

You were handing out the freshly washed clothes, walking around the camp, you nodded to Carol, -"hey Y/N… I don't want to be nosy but… I found this.."- Carol said timidly, you approached with the basket in her arms, and then you saw that she showed you a grenade, -"keep it… just in case…"- Carol looked at you doubtfully, as she hesitantly kept it, -"sure?"- She asked, to which you You nodded, as you continued your journey.

When you finished you sat parallel to Lori, who was putting away Carl's clothes, she looked at you, but you just looked down, -"do you hate me?"- she asked, literally looking at your skull, -"why?"- you asked to her question, -"because of Rick"- she said, seeing it from a mature point of view, it was not her fault, what would they know that Rick would wake up from the coma or if he was even alive.

-"I don't hate you.. I just.. can understand you.."- you said, only to be silenced by the screams of Sophia and Carl, who quickly ran wildly towards the adults, the men quickly left, and then found a walker.

-"Are you hurt Carl?.. Sophia?"- you asked the children, who denied, at least they weren't bitten, everyone's muscles tensed when they heard Daryl Dixon's voice, who called the missing idiot, - "Merle! Get your ass here" - everyone stood on the sides, Carl hugged your hip as they watched the Dixon approach.

-"Daryl, calm down, there is something we need to talk about Merle"- Shane said, automatically drawing Dixon's gaze.

-"Wha´?"-

-"There was a problem in Atlanta"-

The silence meant one thing, but it became dense and almost at gunpoint.

-"Did he die?"- he asked, looking at everyone.

-"It's not easy to say so I'll say it"- Rick intervened,

-"Who are you?"-

-"Rick Grimes"- your brother said, Daryl couldn't help but look at you out of the corner of his eye.

-"Rick Grimes?.. From Y/N, Lori and the boy Grimes?"- He asked, in an attempt to verify, your brother nodded.

Nobody knows at what moment, but suddenly Daryl out of desperation wanted to lunge at your brother, who was quickly thrown to the ground by Shane, caging him in a key.

In the end, everyone organized to go look for Merle Dixon, going by the truck, apart from Merle they were going to look for some weapons, so there was a real reason to go, you didn't want Rick to go.

-"I have to go, Y/N… It's my fault that man is tied there like an animal…"-

-"And what about us?.. We just got you back.."- You said, trying to persuade him.

-"No one deserves to die like this Y/N… You know this more than anyone"- Rick said, you had nothing more to debate with.

-"Aunt Y/N.. I don't want dad to leave"- you heard Carl, who was looking at you, you knelt at his height, -"my boy… your father is going to save a man, and I hope he will serve you as a lesson, because one less life in this world is one more of those things you found this morning"- you told him, trying to get him to find something good, even if it was Merle Dixon's garbage.

It didn't take long for you to return to your tasks, -"I'm going to go wash clothes"- you told Lori who was going to collect firewood, -"do you know where Carl is?"- She asked you -"with Shane, remember that they were going to hunt frogs" - you told her, going down the rock path to go wash the clothes.

When you approached, the women welcomed you, to which you greeted, while they made a space for you to do it, you washed your clothes until the last, so sometimes you didn't have time and without realizing it there were moments in which you barely and You had a clean pair of underwear left.

You saw in the lobby how Lori took Carl away from Shane, for a moment you saw that Shane saw you watching him, so you quickly went back to your business.

-"Why do we do slave work?"- Jacqui said, making us all silently agree with her, -"because that's how it should be"- Carol responded submissively, while she handed Jacqui a pair of wet clothes. He put them to dry, suddenly he took out some reddish panties, immediately the girls started to smile, you looked up and saw that they were yours.

-"Will you ask for a passionate night Y/N?"- Jacqui asked jokingly, getting a giggle from everyone, -"God, stop that"- you said without being able to hide her smile while the others chuckled.

To finish, they began to say what they missed about the old world, Amy her computer and her cell phone, Jacqui her coffee maker with double filter, Carol her labadora, Andrea her car and navigator, -"I miss the vibrator.."- you murumated, trying to be discreet because Carol's husband was behind you smoking, everyone smiled and gave daring glances, but general laughter broke out when Carol said she missed him too.

-"What are you laughing about?" - challenged the man, taking a drag on his cigarette, -"we tell each other war stories Ed"- Andrea responded, the man gave a pathetic look at what we were doing, this only made you scrub the clothes a little faster, you hated the way the man treated Carol and the girl.

-"Any problem Ed?"- You asked looking at him, -"it's none of your business, concentrate on your work"- he said, as he stood behind Carol's crouching figure, keeping an eye on her.

Andrea made a gesture of indignation and you just shrank in place, enduring the discomfort. -"You know what Ed? If you don't like how we wash the clothes, I invite you to do it yourself"- said Andrea, handing him the garment, Ed threw it back to her, -"a college bitch doesn't tell me what to do"- she said , and then pulled Carol's arm, the girls resisted and there began to be a lack of control, drawing Shane's attention.

Suddenly, Ed slapped Carol's face hard, making you stand up, hitting him and pushing Carol away from him, Shane moved quickly, grabbing Ed and starting to slam him into the ground, smashing his face, in a way for comfort you hugged Carol, who was crying profusely.

[sixhours]

i know you by heart - chapter 7

Series Chapter Index | Read on AO3 | Complete

Rating: Explicit, 18+, here be smut Series tags: The Last of Us, The Last of Us (HBO), Prospect, Joel Miller x Ezra, Joel & Ellie, Ezra & Cee, Joel is bad at feelings and relationships, Ellie is a little shit (affectionate), mostly follows canon after season 1, SMUT, gay sex, bisexual!Joel, period-typical homophobia, alcoholism behavior, light angst, angst with a happy ending, romance, age gap (~10ish years), I've probably forgotten some so please let me know <3

Twelve patrollers including Joel leave the commune just before sunrise, the sky turning a bruised violet color as dark clouds gather. It’s a six-hour ride to the western edge of the patrol zone on a clear day, but the weather is uncooperative, and soon they’re being pelted with a cold October rain.

Seven miserable hours down the road, they arrive at the spot where the original group was attacked. There’s no clear trail, no footprints to follow; the rain has all but washed it away.

“Fan out!” Peterson calls over the rain. “Pair up, use the radios if you spot anything. If they’re still around, we’ll find ‘em.”

Joel and a younger man named Anders take a fork in the path going north, an old logging trail that leads to a camp that serves as an outpost on Jasper Ridge. It’s slow-going, the path is narrow and muddy and lined with dense forest. This area gets little attention on regular patrols, with few structures for scavenging and little chance to encounter infected, which makes it a good place to hide.

When they see a shape in the distance, what looks like a figure crumpled in the center of the path, they slow the horses to a stop, exchanging a look. Joel pulls out his revolver.

“Looks like we got somethin’ up here,” Anders murmurs into the radio. “Northern fork, just shy of the Jasper outpost. Might need backup.”

“Roger,” crackles the walkie. Joel recognizes Peterson’s voice. “On our way.”

They tie off the horses and approach on foot, trying to see through the pelting rain. It’s a blurry lump on the ground at this distance, no way to tell if they’re armed or infected or even human. When they’re fifty feet away, Anders calls out.

“Hey!”

When the figure shifts and rolls onto one side, Joel’s grip on his gun tightens. It’s a young woman, still alive. Her clothes are tattered and caked in mud, barely adequate against the cold. As they get closer he can make out bruises on her face, hear her pained groan.

“H-h-help m-me,” she croaks.

“You bit, ma’am?” Anders asks, keeping a safe distance. He keeps his rifle trained on her while Joel eyes the forest around them, looking for others, but it’s too dim. Rain lashes at the trees, whipping them this way and that, and the overgrowth is too dark and thick to see through.

“N-no. No, I just…I hurt my ankle–”

“You with anyone?”

“I b-b-broke off from a g-group–”

“What group?” Joel asks.

“I don’t know–I was–they were going to k-k-kill me. Please, I’m s-so c-c-cold.”

The hair on the back of Joel’s neck is prickling with a familiar unease. Nothing about this feels right. In another life, he’d have already put a bullet in the woman’s head and turned back, but a year in Jackson has softened him.

“Ma’am–“

Anders has almost closed the distance between them when a voice rings out from somewhere in the trees.

“Put down your weapons! Hands where I can see them!”

Shit.

Joel raises his revolver but between the rain and his bad ear, he can’t tell where the voice is coming from.

“Don’t do it, old man. You’re surrounded.”

He and Anders exchange a look.

“Nuh-uh,” says the voice. “You’ve got ten seconds to unload before I shoot. Do it!”

Sneering, Joel flicks open the revolver's barrel and shakes out the rounds into his palm.

“Toss' em over there. Now!”

He does, flinging the bullets into the tree line and letting the revolver drop to the ground.

“Happy?”

“Now the rifles.”

“The hell do you–“

“Do it!”

Slowly they unshoulder their rifles and unload them, slowly edging toward each other until they’re standing back-to-back.

“You from that settlement back east?” the voice calls, somewhere on Joel’s side, a shadow in the trees off the edge of the path.

“Who’s askin’?” Anders fires back.

“No one you know, I’m afraid.”

A man comes out of the trees, gun leveled at Joel.

Then a rustling from the brush on the left, barely heard over the growl of the wind. And another, and another, and another, until they’re surrounded by at least five more that Joel can see. The woman gets up off the ground and limps to the side of one of the men meekly, her purpose fulfilled.

Bait.

“You the ones who shot up our men?” Joel asks through gritted teeth. He eyes the faces around them searching for Tommy, but there’s no sign.

“Maybe they shot first.”

“Doubt that,” Joel says. “Heard you have one of ours.”

“Depends. Do you have the girl?”

“Think you got the wrong folks,” he tries, playing dumb. “We don’t know noth–”

The man tightens his hand on the gun. “Let’s not play games. You have her. We have him. Don’t make this difficult.”

“I don’t see our man.”

“And I don’t see the kid,” he says, making a show of looking around. “So it seems we’re at a stalemate.”

“Would seem that way,” Joel says.

“Look, maybe we got off on the wrong foot,” Anders cuts in, and Joel almost wheels on him to tell him to be quiet, stops himself at the last second. No sudden moves.

“What’s your name? Where you folks comin’ from?”

Anders nudges his back and Joel glares over his shoulder, but the young man keeps talking.

“We got room back in town. Food. Supplies. If you’re willin’ to work for it. Maybe we don’t need to make this a trade.”

“Is that right?” the man sneers. “How generous.”

Anders seems intent on making friends and Joel is about ready to tackle him to the ground just to shut him up when the young man nudges him harder, more insistently. It dawns on Joel that he’s trying to buy time.

Gotta keep ‘em talking until backup gets here.

“Yeah,” Anders says with a smile in his voice. “We got a pretty good thing goin’ out here. The more the merrier, ain’t that what they say?”

“Think you can understand why we’d be hesitant to take you up on that.”

“You wanna come back with us, you can see for yourselves,” Anders says. “Ain’t that far, though you’d have to walk. We don’t have enough horses. How many ya have?”

No answer.

“I’m Andy, this here’s Joel,” he tries. “S’just us, just lookin’ for our man. Looks like you got a good sized crew here…”

“Not telling you 

“The kid’s back there, safe and sound,” he continues. “And we could use some clever folks, people with skill. This don’t have to be a showdown.”

“He’s right,” Joel grits out, jaw aching with the effort. “Show us our man and we’ll take you to her. No hard feelin’s.”

“Hear that, guys? Open invitation.”

Scattered noises from the crowd, none of it discernable, but it doesn’t sound friendly.

Hurry the fuck up, Peterson.

“No one’s gotta get hurt. There’s medicine…clothes. Looks like she could use some patchin’ up,” Joel says, nodding to the woman shivering across from them. “Why don’t y’all put down the guns and we’ll talk it out.”

“Yeah, yeah, the town, I heard you. See, here’s the thing. I’d bet you have a lot of men waiting for us back there, and I bet they ain’t too happy with us.”

“Can you blame ‘em?” Joel snaps.

The man shrugs. “We’re not going anywhere. If you don’t have the girl, we don’t have any further business here.”

He cocks his gun to prove the point.

“Hold up. Think this through,” Joel says quickly. “She ain’t comin’ out here. You said it yourself, lotta men who’ll be mighty angry if you kill one of ours. Kill us and you’ll never see her.”

The man’s nostrils flare in anger and Joel knows he’s walking a fine line between biding their time and getting shot.

“You’re outnumbered…and you know it,” Joel guesses. “Or you wouldn’t be waitin’ out here in the middle of nowhere. Show us our man and we’ll get you to your girl. S’that simple.”

The man snarls. “Alright. You wanna see him?”

He looks over his shoulder and jerks his chin at one of the men in the trees. Joel’s eyes stay trained on the gun in his hand even as they bring Tommy out, dragged by two men and dumped unceremoniously at the man’s feet. He’s on his knees, barely upright, drenched and muddied with his hands and feet tied behind him. His shoulder looks twisted, jutting out at an odd angle, and his shirt is drenched in blood.

Joel’s jaw tightens as he tries not to stare at his brother’s battered, silent form.

“He ain’t movin’,” Joel says tightly.

C’mon, Peterson, where the hell are you?

The man toes Tommy with his boot, harder than necessary, and it takes all Joel’s effort not to launch himself at him and tear him apart with his bare hands. Tommy lets out a gruff groan of pain as he’s knocked forward, rolls to his side.

“See? Still breathing,” the man says, grinning wickedly.

“Think your girl should come back in the same shape?” Joel grits out.

“As long as she comes back,” he says flatly. “But folks like you? You don’t have it in–”

A gunshot rings out. One of the raiders at the edge of the woods drops with a pained cry, and the man’s eyes go wide.

Fuckin’ finally.

Relief is short-lived as confusion breaks out. Joel launches himself at their attacker and knocks him to the ground, smacking the pistol from his hand as more gunshots sound amidst shouts of surprise from all around.

There’s a scramble as Joel tries to keep the man pinned while reaching back for his rifle. He finally gets his feet under him, then faintly recognizes a hot slice of pain across his left calf as a bullet grazes his leg. Rifle found, he manages to swing the butt of the unloaded gun to connect soundly with the man’s head before he can get up.

“Stay the fuck down,” he growls, landing a kick to the man’s ribs that curls him up like a worm as Joel fumbles to reload the gun.

There’s the sharp crack of more fire in the trees and then an ominous quiet, followed by the sounds of more shouting, familiar voices as the Jackson patrollers close in. Somewhere off to his left, Peterson calls, “I counted nine!”

“Eight here,” someone else says. “Think we’ve got a runner.”

“I’ll get him.”

Anders at his back. “Joel! You got that one?”

“Yeah,” he says, not taking his eyes or his gun off the man on the ground. “Tommy, y’alright?”

Anders kneels and helps Tommy up.

“M’here,” he coughs.

When it’s over, there are six men and women tied and lying on their stomachs with three more dead.

The Jackson group has a handful of bullet wounds between them, and by some miracle, none of them are fatal. They send the worst of the injured home on horseback, Tommy among them, leaving enough patrollers to handle the raiders.

Some dim part of Joel recognizes that he should have gone back, too. He’s struggling to stay upright as the adrenaline wears off, the wound on his leg bleeding through a hastily applied bandage, soaking his jeans. But after seeing Tommy’s injuries, he wants to be here for every second of what comes next.

“That one, up,” Joel says, pointing at the raiding party’s spokesman, and Anders and Peterson yank the man to his knees with a grunt.

“Who’re you lookin’ for?”

The man scowls. Joel taps him with the barrel of his rifle.

“Speak up.”

“Fuck you,” he snarls.

Anders is quick with his rifle, smacking the man in the back of the head hard enough to send him sprawling, but Peterson holds him upright by one arm.

“Let’s try this again,” Joel says. “Who’re you lookin’ for?”

“My k-kid,” he spits. “She c-came out this way with a man.”

Joel grinds his teeth. “That right?”

“Blonde, blue eyes, she’s…she’d be s-s-seventeen…her name is Cecilia–”

Tears shine in his eyes but a hint of defiance lingers. Joel exchanges a knowing look with Peterson, a silent agreement. He sighs and shoulders his rifle, then pulls out his knife. No sense wasting ammunition.

“Don’t know her,” he says flatly. “Guess you fucked with the wrong people.”

“No! No-wait, please, you have to wait, just–she was taken, she was taken from me. All I want is my little girl back. The man who took her–”

Anger flares hot and red in Joel’s gut.

“She get the same treatment as her?” Joel jerks his chin toward the woman in the tattered clothes, now tied alongside the others on the ground.

“I don’t–”

Joel grips the man by the hair, yanking his head back, exposing his throat.

“Tell me,” he growls. “Tell me what happens to little girls with your kind. Tell me she ain’t better off with you dead.” 

“N-no, she’s not–it’s not like that, man–tell him–Bonnie, tell–tell him–”

He looks side to side, frantic. The woman in question doesn’t speak, only gives a soft, plaintive sob. Of all the lives they’ll take today, hers will be the one that gives him pause, but Jackson’s policy on raiders is clear. They’ll be treated like rabid dogs, put to death, the bodies left behind as a warning for others.

“Please, just–we’ll come quietly. You said…you said there was food…we’re starving–”

Joel snorts. “Now you’re ready to play nice, huh?”

“Look, please, we’re just–”

“You got anyone else out here s’gonna give us trouble?”

“N-no, there’s–it’s just us, but–”

“Good.”

The blade is sharp, and Joel’s practiced hand slices through the man’s artery with ease. It’s a faster death than he deserves, but between the pelting rain and the dwindling daylight, they need to move on. The man gurgles and spits his protest, and when Peterson lets go, he slumps to the ground, his blood making a muddy red pool underneath him.

Joel wipes his blade on his jeans, limps over to the next prone figure.

“Let’s get the rest of ‘em.”

It’s dark when Joel finally makes it back to Jackson. There’s blood on his jacket, mud caked on his clothes, and his calf is on fire, the bandage long since soiled and soaked through. He’s drenched and shivering as he and the remaining patrol crew ride through the gates.

When the wall opens up ahead of them, there’s a crowd gathered and waiting, Maria at the front. The relief in her eyes is palpable.

“Where’s Tommy?” he asks, easing down from his horse.

“They’ve got him at the clinic. He’s pretty beaten up but he’s going to be fine. And you?” she says, glancing down at his bloodied leg.

“S’nothin’,” he winces, trying not to put weight on it. “You should be with Tommy.”

“He insisted I come check on you,” she says, arching an eyebrow. “Besides, I wanted to get the story from someone I trust.”

She lowers her voice, pulls him off to the side. “They said it was raiders? Not Fireflies?”

“Uh-huh. They were lookin’ for…someone else’s kid, I guess,” he says.

“Someone else’s kid?”

He bites at the inside of his cheek. “Cee…I think.”

“Ezra’s?”

Joel nods tightly. “We took care of it. They won’t bother us again.”

She considers this with dark eyes and a hint of suspicion before nodding, squeezing him lightly on the shoulder. “Alright. You and the others will debrief with the council in the morning. Rest up.”

“You, too.”

Someone has fetched the horses and the rest of the crowd starts to dissipate. Joel is prepared to hobble home until he sees them some distance from the gate. Ellie is standing with Ezra, tucked under his arm, both of them shivering. His first thought, ludicrous as it is, is that they shouldn’t be out in this rain.

But then Ellie spots him and sets off running, her eyes wide and wet, and her arms fix themselves around his waist, nearly knocking him over.

“Stupid asshole,” she mutters thickly into his chest.

“Hey, kiddo,” he sniffs, returning the hug, relishing the solid weight of her against him. “Nice to see you, too.”

Ezra watches from afar, his face solemn. Joel meets his eyes over the top of Ellie’s head and gives him one terse nod, telling him everything he needs to know. 

It’s done.

He turns away just as Ellie pulls back and looks up at him sternly, then down at his leg. “You’re hurt.”

“It’s nothin’, just a graze. I’ll be–”

“Clinic,” she snaps. “Now.”

“I don’t–”

But she’s already tucked herself under his arm and is moving them in the direction of the clinic. She’s still small for her age, but stronger than she looks–months of patrol training have paid off, and she makes a sturdy crutch.

“You’re gonna freeze out here,” he mutters. “Where’s your damn jacket?”

“Shut up and walk, old man.”

He leans on Ellie all the way to the clinic. She refuses to let him go until he’s safely deposited onto a cot and struggling to take off his jeans. The blood and dirt have caked over where the bullet took a chunk out of his flesh, the fabric around it stiff and soaked.

Ellie folds her arms across her chest and paces the tiny room while they wait for a nurse. The staff are busy with more urgent cases after the day’s events, so he settles in.

“We can just go home,” Joel tries after half an hour has passed. “This ain’t nothin’ I haven’t–” 

“Don’t even think about getting off that bed or I’ll shoot your other leg, too,” she fumes.

He puts his hands up in surrender. “Alright…fine.”

A clock on the wall ticks and Ellie resumes her pacing. Eventually she stops and turns to face him.

“You should’ve told me you were going.”

“Yeah, well…you weren’t exactly talkin’ to me,” he sighs.

“You could have been killed.”

“We take that risk every time we go outside the walls. You know that well as anyone,” he says gently. “‘Sides, they had Tommy. I had to. If it…if it were you…”

He shakes his head, can’t finish the thought.

After a minute, she huffs a frustrated sigh and plops down on the bed next to him, frowning.

“You’re still an asshole,” she mutters, but she’s leaning into him now, shoulder to shoulder, picking at her cuticles the way she does when she’s nervous.

“Yeah, reckon I am,” he says. “But I’m still here.”

The nurse takes that moment to interrupt, swooping in with a wound kit. Ellie’s fingers find his as the nurse uncovers the bloody gash and begins dabbing at it with clean gauze.

“I’m alright,” he reassures her, grimacing as the nurse works around the wound, the antibiotic wash stinging something fierce. “Just a scratch.”

She fixes him with a glare that says she doesn’t believe a word, so he shuts up and lets her squeeze his hand. Before long, he’s bandaged and cleaned up and cleared to go home with a course of antibiotics.

“Take care of your dad, hon,” the nurse smiles on the way out.

“I will.”

They’re leaving the room before Joel realizes she hadn’t bothered to correct her.

On the way out, Ellie stops them halfway down the hall. “Wait…can we check on Tommy?”

“‘Course,” Joel says.

He points them in the direction of the bigger rooms used for in-patient care, peeking into each of them until they find his brother at the end. He’s dressed in a hospital gown, sitting up in bed. Cleaned of blood and dirt, his face looks slightly less gruesome. His left eye is a purple swollen mass and there are sutures over the worst of the gashes on his neck and face. His shoulder is no longer jutting out at a weird angle, fixed in place by a sling. Based on the way he’s holding himself, Joel suspects he has some broken ribs.

But he’s alive.

Joel nods in greeting, exchanges a glance with Maria, sitting in the chair at the side of his bed.

“Hey, brother,” Tommy murmurs. “Y’all goin’ home?”

“Yeah. Just wanted to check on ya.”

Ellie goes to him and before either of them can say another word, she leans down and puts her arms around Tommy’s neck in a careful hug. He pats her on the back, eyes widening in surprise, whispers something to his niece that Joel can’t hear. Ellie nods into the crook of his neck and doesn’t pull away for a long time. When she does, her face is pinched tight, like she’s trying not to cry.

He can practically hear Maria’s I told you so in her smirk.

Then Ellie is back at Joel’s side, almost crashing into him, re-anchoring her arms around his waist.

“Let’s go home, ‘kay?” he tries gently, palming the back of her head, giving her ponytail a gentle tug.

Ellie nods against his ribs, and it takes a solid minute for her to let him go enough so he can walk, nudging them in the direction of home. By the time they get inside, they’re both drenched all over again.

“Hot shower, now,” he mutters. “Ezra shouldn’t have had you out in the rain, god knows how long, it’s fuckin’ freezin’ out–”

“I made him,” she cuts in. “When they brought back the others and you weren’t there, I thought…I thought–”

Her chin trembles and her eyes fill with tears. In the quiet of their little house, all her previous fury is nowhere to be found.

“I know,” he softens. “I know, baby, it’s alright.”

“I didn’t even say goodbye,” she whispers, voice wavering. “I was so…so fucking mad at you, dude. You shouldn’t–shouldn’t have–”

“I know,” he soothes, cupping her face in his hands. “Hey. I’m not goin’ anywhere, baby girl.”

“I’m still fucking m-m-mad at you,” she hiccups.

“I know,” he says. “An’ we have a lot to talk about. But…not tonight, okay?”

She bites her lip, swiping at her eyes.

“Tomorrow. Let’s get some sleep and I’ll…I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. I’ll tell you everything.”

She nods, then ducks between his arms, butting her head into the center of his chest and squeezing him so tight it hurts. It’s a good hurt, though; like re-breaking a bone so it can heal.

“Shower,” he repeats thickly, but his arms refuse to move.

“Mmph. Have to let me go.”

“You first,” he chuckles, resting his cheek on the top of her head.

“You first,” she retorts, scrubbing her nose on his soaked t-shirt.

They practically sway with fatigue, dripping rain water and mud onto the kitchen floor, still shivering in wet clothes. But she doesn’t let go, so neither does he.

The shower, when he finally steps under the spray, feels amazing. Joel turns the water up to scalding to try to take the chill out of his bones, can almost hear the ancient hot water tank protesting. He’ll have to replace the dressing on his wound but it’s worth it.

Every muscle in his body aches. He’s embarrassed at how stunted his movements are, how difficult it is just to pull on his sweatpants. If Ellie catches him hobbling around like an old man she’ll never let him live it down, but the thought of her teasing only serves to put a smile on his face.

She’s home.

By the time he’s dried off and rebandaged his leg and dressed, she’s curled up in his bed, damp hair soaking his pillows, wearing a pair of his sweats and one of his t-shirts. He doesn’t have the energy to grump at her for stealing his clothes.

“Scoot over, blanket hog,” he murmurs, poking her in the side until she complies, rolling herself up in his down comforter like a burrito in the process. She has the audacity to growl at him when he tries to take the blanket back.

He groans getting into bed, back popping like a firecracker, and Ellie mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like old man into the thick comforter.

“Yeah, yeah,” he says, pulling the spare wool blanket from the foot of the bed and tugging it over himself.

Ellie’s big brown eyes poke out over the top of her blanket cocoon, staring at him from the other side of the bed. They haven’t done this in months, he realizes. He supposes he should be relieved; no nightmares, no need to keep him close in the darkest hours.

He didn’t expect to miss it.

“Thought you weren’t gonna come back. Someone said they had Tommy and you were gone and–”

“Hey,” he whispers, reaching out to gently pinch her chin between his thumb and finger. “Don’t gotta worry about that now.”

She sniffs and nods, burrowing further into the comforter and wiggle-worming her way over to him. There’s a lump in his throat as she tucks her head under his chin.

“What happened?” she whispers.

“Bad folks. Raiders.”

“Did you kill them?”

Joel remembers the look in the man’s eyes when he realized he was going to die. How easily his supposed daughter was used as a pawn for sympathy. The woman’s body lying in the path, used as bait. The clean cut of the knife, body after body after body.

“They’re not gonna hurt anyone again,” Joel sighs.

“Okay,” she says. Then, in a small voice slurred by exhaustion, “M’sorry I ran away.”

“I knew where you were.”

“I was a jerk.”

“Yeah, well…so was I. I’d say we’re even but…I have a lot more to answer for‘n you do,” he sighs, a lazy dread prickling at the back of his neck at the thought. He’s too tired to give it fuel, though, so he reaches back and turns off the bedside lamp. “Tomorrow, alright? Promise.”

“Pinky promise,” she yawns. There’s a rustling as she frees her arm from the blanket and holds up her hand.

“Pinky promise,” he murmurs, locking their fingers and ducking his head to kiss her crown.

There’s another pause while he wracks his overtired brain for the right words. Eventually he settles on the simplest truth.

“I love you, kid. You know that, right?” he asks into the darkness. “I know it ain’t always…easy. An’ I’m not good at sayin’ it, but…I do.”

It’s a long time before she speaks, long enough that Joel wonders if she’s fallen asleep. But then he catches the hint of a sniffle in his good ear.

“Yeah, asshole,” she sniffs. “I know.”

Then another pause, wherein he’s certain she’s fallen asleep. He’s almost there himself when he hears it, muffled by the blankets and his chest.

“I love you, too.”

He wakes the next morning to Ellie’s knee jammed into his ribs, her head still tucked under his chin, arm thrown across his chest. She’s half wormed her way out of the blanket in her sleep, they’re tangled in her legs and wrapped around her torso. Somehow he manages to extract himself without waking her.

He pads to the bathroom to check the dressing on his leg; no more bleeding, no signs of infection yet, but everything hurts. What he wouldn’t give for a bottle of aspirin. He considers another shower to loosen his aching joints and muscles but he doesn’t want to wake Ellie, so instead he hobbles downstairs, muffling a grunt of pain with every step, and heads to the kitchen to make coffee.

He’s just settled on the porch swing with his mug when the front door creaks open. The first frost has settled across the grass, beaded drops frozen and glittering after last night’s rain.

Ellie steps outside, scowling into the light, still wrapped in his comforter. Her hair sticks up in wild spikes, ponytail skewed to the side of her head, and a thin film of dried spit decorates the corner of her mouth.

“You’re up early,” he says.

“Not as early as you.”

He shifts over on the swing and Ellie plops down next to him. Then she scoots closer and leans into his shoulder with a wordless grunt, wrinkling her nose at the smell of his coffee. The warmth of her presence makes his heart ache with affection, and he drapes an arm over her shoulders, letting her tuck into his side. For a while he thinks she’s fallen asleep again, and that would be alright, but then she speaks, low and hesitant.

“Do we have to talk about it now?”

“I reckon sooner is better than later.”

“I…dunno how to start.”

“Well…what do you want to know?”

“I want to know about the hospital,” she murmurs, pulling away from him and looking down at her lap.

He takes a deep breath, lets it out in a shaky rush. “Yeah…thought you might.”

“I want to know what happened. For real.”

So he tells her. He tells her what Marlene told him; that the cordyceps was in her brain. That the operation would kill her. That he’d lied about the other immune people, lied about the search for a cure, lied about the raider attack. 

The words feel slimy on his tongue, months of shame pouring out of him like black oil, the aftertaste bitter.

She listens with an unnatural stoicism, jaw clenched and working, tears pooling in her lower lashes.

“Did you kill them?” she asks, her voice rough.

He bites the inside of his cheek until it bleeds. He nods.

“And…Marlene?”

Another nod. His voice is raspy when he speaks.

“She would have come after you. I couldn’t let that happen.”

She’s too quiet, the silence too loud, so he continues.

“Losing you wasn’t an option, El. It wasn’t a choice. Couldn’t do that again. Couldn’t lose a…another daughter.”

Her head snaps up at that, her expression impossible to read.

“Talk to me, kiddo,” he whispers when the silence that settles around them feels too heavy to bear.

“I think…I think I hate you for that,” she says. 

There it is; confirmation of his worst fears, spoken aloud. The words don’t sound so daunting in the open air. He breathes it in, surprised to find her judgment doesn’t hurt the way he imagined it would. Maybe he’s too tired, in too much pain for them to sink in…but she hasn’t screamed at him, either. Hasn’t stormed off. She’s still bundled up in his comforter, shoulder nudging his with every gentle rock of the swing.

“That’s…that’s fair,” he chokes out. “I…understand.”

“But I…I still fucking love you, too.”

That lump in his throat is back. He tries to clear it with a sip of coffee but it doesn’t work, so he just ducks his head in a nod.

“Ezra said…he said it could be both. That hate and love are two sides of the same coin…or whatever,” she rolls her eyes, sniffs.

“You talked to Ez, huh?”

“I didn’t want to,” she wrinkles her nose. “I figured he’d just defend you because…y’know.”

Joel lets out a watery chuckle at that. “That ain’t his way.”

“Yeah. He said I was right to be angry. Said I had to ‘feel my feelings’ or some shit. Write things down so they make sense in my head. He’s so fucking annoying sometimes.”

“He is,” he says drily. “But I reckon he knows more about this stuff than we do.”

“I guess,” she says, mouth pinched in a frown.

He looks away, listens to the gentle creak of the porch swing on its chain, a bird’s call as the first rays of light spill onto the lawn.

“Look, I don’t blame you for bein’ mad at me, Ellie,” he says, keeping his eyes fixed on a point in the distance. “I know…what I did…it’s a hard thing to forgive. I know I took a choice from you, at a time when you didn’t have a lot of choices…an’ I’m sorry for that. Maybe you can’t forgive me for it, and that’s…that’s alright.

“But no matter what…no matter how mad you are, or how much you hate me…I’ll be here. You’re my–you’re mine,” he whispers, ducking his head. “I’m never gonna stop lookin’ out for you. I’ll never stop carin’ about you. I feel like that’s what I was put on this earth to do. An’ I know you may not understand that right now…but it’s the truth.”

She looks at him with that same expression she’d had in Salt Lake City, when he was the guy who shot and missed, and she was the girl who healed what time could not.

“I want to forgive you,” she says softly, wiping her eyes on the blanket. “I want to try. I want us to be…better.”

“I want that too, kiddo,” he says softly. “More’n anything.”

“So…no more lies,” she says. “No more hiding things. No more secrets.”

“No more secrets,” he agrees.

They sit side by side, rocking, and Joel sips his coffee. He feels lighter than he has in months.

“So…while we’re being honest or whatever…I guess I have one more question,” Ellie says.

“Shoot, kiddo.”

“I get why you lied about the hospital…kinda. I don’t fucking like it,” she says, brow furrowing. “But I get why you did it.”

Joel nods.

“But I wouldn’t have cared about Ezra. I’m not…y’know, a homophobic dick. I mean, it’s gross, but that’s because it’s you.”

Joel huffs a soft laugh. “I know you wouldn’t, kid. An’ it ain’t like that. Not exactly.”

“So…why?”

“I guess…I didn’t have anyone when Sarah was alive. I was her dad, and for a long time, that’s all I knew how to be. Then I lost her…and I never thought I’d have a, uh…a life again.

“But now we’re here,” he says, looking down their street, the sun casting a warm glow over the mountains in the distance, drops of half-frozen water glittering in the grass, lights glowing in the houses around them. The serenity of an early autumn morning in a small town, their safe haven…their home.

“An’ I have you,” he smiles softly. “So I guess I thought it would be like it was…before. When it was just Sarah n’ Tommy n’ me, and I didn’t make a lot of room for anyone else. But now Tommy has a family of his own, so that changes things. And then…then I met…”

“You met Ezra,” Ellie prompts.

“Yeah,” he smiles a little. “Yeah, I met Ezra and he, uh, reminded me what it was like to–”

“Ugh, please don’t finish that sentence,” she shudders.

“To have more, s’what I was gonna say,” he mutters. “But I guess I…I didn’t think I deserved it. Done so much bad shit…then lyin’ to you…well. That kinda thing eats at you.

“So I told myself I was protectin’ you. Told myself I had to choose. An’ it wasn’t a fair fight…‘cause I’d choose you every time.”

“Dude, that’s so fucked up. You get that, right?”

“I know,” he winces.

“I don’t want to be the reason you don’t have…someone…if that’s what you want.”

“Yeah,” he tilts his head. “Guess I didn’t think about it like that, but…you’re right. S’not fair to, uh…to put that on you.”

He takes a deep breath and lets it out in a rough sigh.

“To be honest, I don’t know what I’m doin’, kid. I didn’t have that chance with Sarah. Never…never made it this far.”

She gapes at him. “And you think I know what I’m doing? Jeez, dude, I’ve never had a fucking family. And now I have, like, a shitload of people who care about where I am and how I’m doing and making me eat and go to school and it’s so fucking weird. And I feel like I’m fucking it up all the fucking time.”

She wouldn’t believe him if he told her she couldn’t fuck it up if she tried, so instead, he says, “Guess that makes two of us, huh?”

She sniffs. “Yeah.”

“Least we get to fuck it up together.”

She doesn’t answer, just leans into him again, letting the swing rock, and when he puts his arm around her shoulders again she burrows against his side.

“I missed you,” she mumbles, and he feels the warm breath of her words through his flannel. “Ezra’s cool, but…you give better hugs.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” she sighs. “Both arms.”

“Christ, Ellie,” he groans. “You can’t just say shit like that, kid. That’s…that’s a journal thought, not an out-loud thought.”

“What? Ezra thought it was funny!”

“You…said that to him?” he blanches.

“Yep,” she says, looking up at him. “Speaking of Ezra…are you two gonna, you know, figure out your shit?”

“Couldn’t tell you,” he winces, rubbing his chin. “Don’t know if I'll get a second chance there...”

“He misses you, y’know. Kept playing all this slow, sappy music. Was a real bummer.”

A warm, glowing ember of hope flickers in his chest. “That so?”

“Yep. You’re both so obvious it’s stupid. Cee and I had a running bet going–“

“You gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’,” he mutters under his breath. Did the entire town of Jackson have a pool on his love life or just his nosy-ass family?

“–but then you two had to go and make it all sad.”

“Uh-huh. Sorry to be such a ‘bummer,’” he grumbles.

She rolls her eyes. “Just talk to him. If I have to listen to any more of that sad Linda Ronstadt shit, I’ll–”

“Alright, alright, cool it, kid,” he sighs. “I’ll try, okay?”

“Good,” she nods, apparently satisfied. “Can we be done with the mushy stuff now? It’s freezing out here and you owe me pancakes.”

“I do?”

“Yep. You want my forgiveness, you better plan on pancakes. Every Sunday morning for, oh…the rest of your life.”

“That all?” he murmurs, arching an eyebrow.

“No, but you gotta start somewhere,” she shrugs, standing and facing him, hugging the comforter around her. Her smile is as radiant as the morning sun, and he returns it with his whole heart.

“I think I can manage that.”

The debrief is held in an office off the former school gymnasium that serves as the town hall. All seven members of the council are seated around a large conference table, and one by one they call in each of the patrollers involved in yesterday’s encounter.

Maria assured Joel this was standard procedure as they walked to the town hall together that morning.

“No one is on trial, we just want to have a clear picture of what happened for the record.”

With seven expectant faces staring back at him, asking questions and scratching notes on legal pads, he’s not sure he fully believes that.

When he’s finally cleared to go, he makes his way out to the gymnasium, passes Peterson and Anders in the hallway with a nod…and bumps into Ezra.

“Hey…what’re you doin’ here?”

“It was requested that I attend. I presume my name came up in relation to the group that attacked.”

He holds up his hand before Joel can confirm. “I have nothing to hide. I was honest during my intake save for that one…pesky detail. And as a personal matter between myself and Cee, I don’t expect blowback on the issue from anyone except her. Speaking of…I take it you found my…former employer?”

“Yeah…think we did.”

“And am I to assume you…took care of it in the manner we discussed prior to that engagement?”

“Yeah.”

A sharp nod. “Then I don’t see a need for additional deliberation on the matter. What’s done, as they say, is done.”

Joel twists his mouth in a frown. “Does Cee know?”

The other man won’t meet his eyes now. “Not yet. I must admit, I fear revealing the truth will set back her progress–”

“Ez. She’s your kid. Not a fuckin’ case study.”

He nods tightly. “I am well aware.”

“Are you? ‘Cause I know you said you don’t feel that way, but…she’s still just a kid. She needs someone.”

“She deserves better,” he whispers.

“Maybe so. But you’re what she’s got,” he says. “Look, I know I’m the last one to be givin’ advice, but…secrets have a way of goin’ bad. Makin’ things worse. An’ Cee…she’s a smart kid. Smart kids figure things out.”

“You would know,” Ezra murmurs with a smirk, then sighs. “Trust that I’ll take your input under advisement. Despite what you may believe about us…I still value your opinion.”

Joel grimaces, looking around. He lowers his voice, moving them out into the gym and away from the others. “Yeah…’bout that. I, uh…think I owe you an apology. Wasn’t honest with myself…or you. I’m not…”

He huffs a frustrated sigh, rolls his eyes to the ceiling.

“Back before, when we first…I told you I didn’t know how…how to do this–”

“You say as much, but that does not ring true to my understanding.”

Joel arches an eyebrow. “You sayin’ the last few months have been good?”

He smirks. “They’ve been genuine. Real. Messy and…true.”

“Look, Ellie is…she’s my everythin’, Ez. She takes priority.”

“As she should. I’ve never asked for anything else.”

Joel shakes his head. “You deserve…someone who can be…more…”

“And what makes you think that someone can’t be you, hm?”

“Ez–”

Ezra steps closer, reaching out to trace the line of his jaw with his thumb, the touch so familiar, so wanted it almost hurts.

“What if I was willing to…to share your affections? Even if that meant playing second fiddle to your young prodigy. What if I was willing to accept that?”

Joel’s voice has gone to gravel, a raw edge. “You sayin’ what I think you’re sayin’?”

“I’m saying that I don’t think…what we share must be divided. I think you can have both…but only if you’re willing to lay claim to it.”

Joel’s Adam’s apple bobs at his throat as he draws closer. “I…I think I’d–”

The door to the gym slams open and Ellie bursts in. “There you are. The hell have you–oh.”

She stops short, the words echoing in the cavernous space.

“Need a minute here, El,” he says, eyes fixed on Ezra’s. “Meet you back at the house.”

“I can wait,” she says, all feigned innocence.

“The house, kid,” he says, finally breaking Ezra’s gaze to give her a pointed glare.

“Ugh, fine,” she says, but she flashes him a thumbs-up sign and a toothy grin.

When the door shuts, Joel lets out a soft huff of laughter. “Christ…I, uh…what was I sayin’?”

“You were about to confess your undying affection, I hope,” Ezra says wryly.

“Right,” he says, cheeks flaming. “Uh, I’d like to…try. If you’ll…if you, uh…if…if I…fuck.”

A wordless growl of longing rises from his throat as he closes the distance between them, pressing their lips together, saying with actions what he can’t with words. One hand cradles his jaw, Ezra’s scruff scratching a brand against his palm, the other cupping the back of his neck, keeping him close as their mouths slant together, warm and soft and sweet.

“I missed you,” Ezra breathes when they break apart.

“I–”

“Ezra? They’re ready for you.”

Someone–sounds like Anders–pokes their head out of the hallway, and it’s all Joel can do not to turn around and snap at yet another interruption. 

“Seems I’m being summoned,” Ezra murmurs, eyes dark and glittering with want. “I’ll see you soon, songbird.”

“Soon,” Joel echoes, frozen in place as Ezra walks away. He brushes his hand across his lips to cover his grin, almost floating as he walks out onto the street. Squinting into the daylight, he’s unsurprised to find Ellie leaning against the side of the building.

“Thought I told you to wait at home,” he sighs.

“Bold of you to assume I’d listen,” she says easily, falling into step beside him, slowing her pace to match his slight limp. “You two gonna…y’know?”

He flicks a glance sideways, unable to contain the little smile that pulls at his lips. “We’ll see, kiddo.”

“So that’s a ‘yes,’” she grins. “Good, Cee owes me.”

“Yeah…think we’re gonna have to have a little talk about gamblin’,” he mutters, throwing an arm around her shoulder as they make their way home.

[simp-ly-writes]

Meet the Doctor pt.4

Pairing: Stardew Valley Harvey x Reader

Summary: The reader faces some unluckiness one day and one event leads to another turn of events.

Warnings: slight self-directed aggression, drinking, a bit of angst...

A/N: you know, I was really not thinking of making a third part and even plans for a fourth. But the universe decided differently and its a long one... please don't get mad at me for this one *hides behind hands.*

Masterlist | Taglist | edited.

Meet the Doctor Series (pt.1) (pt.2) (pt.3) (pt.4) (pt.5) (pt.6) (pt.7) (pt.8) (pt.9) (pt.10) you are here

It had been a few days since you were last in town, having been to busy with the farm. Leaves crunching beneath your feet as you tilled the land for a new batch of pumpkins and hay. The sun was high in the sky as you stretched your back while fixing your hat and removing the sweat off your forehead with the small towel you carried in your back pocket. Thankfully enough, the fall breeze was a good equalizer to the sun's rays; you would not look forward to the summer season coming back.

--

A few hours went as the sun ran across the sky into mid-afternoon, you had run out of pumpkin seeds. Cursing to the scarecrows, you ran back inside the farmhouse and flipped through our notebook for your earlier calculations.

Smacking your head on the desk and producing a large sigh, you realized you used last year's spreadsheet, not accounting for the new quality sprinklers you had recently crafted. So throwing on your work-boots and a sweater you set off to Pierre's on your horse.

But it seemed like the world really had it out for you and your sleep-deprived brain from a few too many nights spent between the mines and fishing with Willy. It was a Wednesday, a Wednesday.

Screw you Pierre. You mentally cursed the shopkeeper, yet would never have the heart to turn to Joja Mart, even in a time of need like this. Jumping back on your horse you trotted over to the saloon to serve an early night, hitching your ride to the nearby post equipped with a water trough. You fed your companion a few snacks from the saddle and with that, entered the saloon.

--

Inside the saloon, you could find Gus cleaning some glasses as he chatted with Major Lewis at the bar who appeared to be drinking a dark liquid in a short glass. They both waved you over with a smile as you popped down on a cushioned barstool, requesting your favourite as was clockwork.

Once receiving your drink, you downed the liquid with concerning speed. Gus and Lewis looked to one another and then back at you, eyes wide as the saucers found in Evelyn's china cabinet. And that is when you start your rant about the last couple of days that have seen to go downhill since your doctor's appointment; while sending pointed look towards Lewis.

They both nod along and with Lewis's age you begin to worry about the muscles in his neck cramping, but maybe those health concerns were just the alcohol working its way through your system to come to this more relaxed state, or maybe, just maybe your subconscious was making an alternative connection...

--

By the end of your rant, and a cut-off from Gus since you still had to ride your way back home. The bar steadily filled as the night dragged on. The radio played some popular city-tunes that you remember driving to in the past. As the young adults could be heard the next room over, arcade machines wizzing and chiming as the clinking of a pool game was all echoing down the hall.

In this moment of low, you couldn't help but wonder how your life had come to be like this; you missed your Grandfather's leading presence. But in your sorrow sunken state, you felt an arm being wrapped around the back of your chair and a body filled the empty stool beside you, distracting you from your spiral of thoughts.

If you remembered correctly, his name was Elliot; with lush golden locks covered the top of his head and reached down a bit past his shoulders. A large smile was plastered across his face, his cheeks obviously rosy from the wine he carried in the glass sat atop the counter. He asked if you remembered him from a couple of weeks ago, and you nodded in replay while giving him a light smile.

Swiftly dropping his arm from around the back of your chair, he moved to grasp his wine glass once you became engaged in conversation. His eyes creasing happily over hearing your laughter echo throughout the room from his flirtatious jokes. Yet you couldn't help but compare his facial features to that of a certain glasses-covered doctor. Your mind and eyes drifting towards a window facing the local clinic...

You eventually ended up chuckling to yourself at the thought of the blonde trying to grow a moustache, but Elliot took no mind to this as he continued rambling about this new novel he was trying to write and a song he had composed from touring your grandfather's farm a few years ago.

--

By the end of the night, Elliot offers to walk you home. Before exiting the building he places his red coat around your frame. The temperature had severely dropped from the lack of sun and you gave him another small smile from this kind action.

With your horse in tow, the two of you embarked back to your farmhouse. A steady conversation of your favorite literary genres, to authors and eventually questions about all the past lives you both have in alternative universes as your brain cleared slightly from the intoxication.

You eventually don't even realize that you are standing at your door, key in hand, and then are turning the doorknob. Your horse already totting itself back to the stables for the night. Taking a moment you look back at the man standing below the steps of your house, ensuring that you make it inside safe and warm for the night.

The porch light reflected brightly off of the red coat you were still wearing. As you quickly made an effort to shove it off your frame, already feeling the wind pick at all the seams of your clothes. Though as you begin to come down the stairs, Elliot tells you to keep it for now as an excuse to see you in the future. And with that, he takes off, down towards the sea as you enter the fire-lit living-space and collapse on the couch in the early morning hours.

To be continued...

╰┈➤ A/N: please don't come after me! it gets better later I swear!

Meet the Doctor Series (pt.1) (pt.2) (pt.3) (pt.4) (pt.5) (pt.6) (pt.7) (pt.8) (pt.9) (pt.10) you are here

[absolutebl]

Hey ABL. Just sent my doctorate for examination and for the first time since 2019 I have WAY too much time on hands. Can you suggest some binge watches? Got into bl last Feb so stuff before that would be great. Warmly, M

CONGRATZ!!!

10 Older BLs Worthy of a Binge Watch!

(in no particular order, prior to 2022)

1 Seven Days: Monday-Thursday & Seven Days: Friday-Sunday

Japan 2015 (grey)

Never doubt my ability to recommend this show. One of the best live action yaois ever made, with perfectly structured angst, fantastic characters and acting, and no problematic tropes (rare in Japanese BL). The leads have excellent chemistry although it’s low heat there’s still some really cute mutual kisses.

2 To My Star

Korea 2021 (Viki)

In the mood for something more grown up? TMS is a touch quirky to get into, but utterly charming once it hits its stride. This is the ultimate grumpy/sunshine pairing plus the most appealing light-filled kitchen of our dreams.

I don't like season 2 but others do. It is very clever.

3 We Best Love: No. 1 For You & Fighting Mr. 2nd

Taiwan 2021 (WeTV)

How about a uni + office BL? Brilliant acting saved this show from a messy (pretty classically manga) narrative with a lot of angst. You have to buy in to a yaoi aesthetic with this one, accept that things move fast and occasionally confuse, but that everything will be okay. It’s the ultimate pining seme meets the ultimate tsundere uke. WBL successfully manages to combine the best elements of Korean, Thai, and Japanese BL as it exists right now. Couple that to the insane chemistry from the leads, and we have one of the greatest BLs of all time, cooking higher heat to a recipe I doubt anyone else will ever be able to replicate since only Taiwan is this flexible.

4 He's Coming to Me

Thailand 2019 (YouTube)

With only 8 8 eps and from GMMTV this is short, high quality and bingable for Thailand. Boy and ghost boy fall in love, must solve ghost’s murder. Peak pining but also pretty tame, features my favorite sweet but important coming out sequence in all BL. The third in my precious triumvirate of unbeatable Thai BLs, that are only nominally BL because the story, acting, and production values are so good.

(Together with Until We Meet Again & A Tale of Thousand Stars - those 2 are longer so I don't consider them as bingable, but if you want something to get really stuck into? Go to town.).

5 Color Rush

Korea 2021 (Viki)

A unique paranormal twist elevates this classic high school drama into a pitch-perfect allegory for the queer coming out experience and one of the best BLs of all time (I will fight you on this). Here's my battle essay.

Original trigger.

(Don't bother with season 2.)

6 HIStory 2: Crossing the Line

Taiwan 2018 (Viki)

Lin Pei Yu directs this sports romance (volleyball) with a good boy/bad boy pairing, and my hands-down favorite of the HIStory franchise. There is no clear seme/uke. Ostensibly it's high school set but Taiwan doesn't care about age appropriate actors. It's a very soft sweet romance with some ridiculously easily overcome conflict. There's great kisses but it's medium heat. The side dishes are the stepbrother trope but they’re very tame, and there’s no other triggers. It's not just my favorite of the franchise, it’s one of my favorite BLs with a perfect happy ending.

(The second H2 is also pretty good.)

7 Cherry Magic

30-sai made Dotei Da to Mahotsukai ni Nareru rashii AKA Cheri Maho

Japan 2020 (indie subs)

The sweetest fluffiest magical realism BL, packaged as a pinning office romance, very low heat (practically chaste) but the cutest. It’s truly great.

8 Light On Me

Korea 2021 (Viki)

Korea does an elegant pastiche of traditional live action yaoi but all tropes are cleverly deployed to bolster one of the most riveting love triangles ever put on screen… and I don’t like love triangles. LoM strategically tailors classic BL tropes to 2 different semes resulting in pristine pacing, plot, and character development, explicitly serving narrative (not just to tick boxes). LoM is a master class in trope drops. (If you write fanfic or romance you should study this show.) Full review.

9 Be Loved In House: I Do

Taiwan 2021 Viki

A cute classy office set BL with a few plot raised eyebrows, but no other concerns. ALL THE TROPES plus a general sweet softness that’s pretty rare from Taiwan, who usually prefer to go hard, but all their signature domesticity.

10 Lovely Writer

Thailand 2021 (YouTube)

Thailand criticizes itself and the BL industry while simultaneously giving us classic seme/uke with great chemistry in a one-two punch of “we love it, but are we supposed to? and must we think this hard, yet enjoy it SO MUCH?” This show won’t appeal or make sense to those who don’t already have at least some Thai BL watching experience. What Lovely Writer does, at heart, is reexamine Thai BL has done to queerness, but in a very gentle way that has more to do with Thai BL growing up than any actual queer authenticity. It’s not parody or pastiche, but it is self reflective and trying to correct for some chronic mistakes. Whether it is ultimately successful in this matter is going to depend on the watcher’s relationship to BL and queer identity. But that’s what makes this show beautiful, interesting, and thought provoking. And I, for one, applaud the effort even if I didn’t personally connect to the characters.

If you wanted 2022 included here's my top 10 from 2022:

[sisterofficerlucychen]

Do you think Eric Winter is downplaying the finale? I'm not expecting a romantic end or confirmation of them getting back together but maybe they go to dinner or one turns up at the others door and fade to black or maybe "I'll be waiting" if Lucy goes UC. Or Lucy is hurt and Tim's by her side? Yes I'm spiralling 🤔😅😬

ooh, this is such a good question and i have no idea 😂 so looking at what he's said about the finale and also the bts content the only thing that i feel certain of is that it's gonna serve.

i agree, i don't think it'll end on a romantic note or them back together either, it feels too soon for how massive of a hit the break up is? it could be! i love the idea of the fade to black at their door or "i'll be waiting", it's very open ended which feels like the vibe of what eric said?

 " [...} as far as Tim and Lucy, it leaves a nice sort of, I wouldn’t say closure or a guarantee of anything, but it leaves it in a place where there’s stuff to talk about” in Season 7"

what came to mind for me was a possible heart to heart? i feel like it could be the end up break up angst era and the beginning of a new chapter for them *ahem* pining era 2.0 *ahem* 👀 the fact that it leaves them "in a place where there's stuff to talk about" makes me wonder if it'll be the first step in them fixing their communication issues because they used to communicate so well and once they started dating something shifted where the miscommunication between them just continued to grow.

that's the reason why she couldn't understand why he was breaking up with her and she deserves an actual explanation that hopefully with therapy he'll be able to provide. which makes me wonder if that's the "stuff to talk about"? idk, eric's choice of words there are interesting (or maybe i'm overanalyzing them lol) but just closure makes me think of they've accepted that this is it for them and they're gonna move on and guarantee of anything sounds like them getting back together — and it sounds like it's neither of those. it almost like a neutral ground? like i definitely do think s6 finale is that new beginning for them but first by mending what they are/mean to one another before they start dating again.

but lemme 👀 @ lucy being hurt and tim by her side — i think it could be but flipped? S6 SPOILERS AHEAD in the bts shots they've shared tim is the one who looks injured, lucy at one point is off on her own in what seemed to be "uniform" but driving around in her own car, and eric also mentioned another action sequence with the two of them? — soooo ... 👀

i think i may be spiraling too because i had more thoughts on this that i thought i would lol. we can spiral together ♡

[imminent-danger-came]

Anon chilling on the precipice of madness again, and I’m so glad you liked that last ask! Truly, there is much joy to be found in discussing how much we enjoy (*cough* are dealt immense emotional damage on a daily basis by *cough*) the monkey show. Also, since I apparently can’t stop bugging you, for clarity’s sake I’m going to call myself Unhinged Anon if I submit any future asks lol. 

As always you make excellent points, and I am very normal about you bringing up the ‘MK smiling at his reflection’ thing because the motif of reflections in this show (see also: S2E5, S3E4, some others I’m probably missing, and especially S4E1) doesn’t make me even the tiniest bit insane. Nope! Not at all. But this time, it’s actually something you said in the tags that launched my marbles into the stratosphere for me to never find, because now I can’t stop thinking about how badly I want, like… a Sandy spinoff series or something. 

And I don’t mean a lore-heavy, epic adventure rich in heavy themes and conflicts like we have in the main series, just with Sandy at the center instead of MK. I want Sandy's series to be almost exclusively season one-style laid back episodes. But the good kind of laid back episodes, you know? Stuff like S1E6&7, that a lot of people dismiss, especially on a first watch, as nothing more than filler but actually serve as a subtle expansion/exploration of characters (“I also summoned monster trees with my stress, so. Should I see a doctor? We’ll worry about that later” still haunts me) and dynamics hidden under the guise of a silly little adventure with funny jokes, great animation, and fairly low stakes. 

I want to see what an appointment with Sandy’s therapist looks like, or even just the shenanigans he gets up to during those episodes where he’s mysteriously absent and only Tang seems to notice. 

I want to see Sandy teach Tang how to make tea, and maybe nerd out about those theories Sandy mentioned having about the gang's whole deal with the OG Companions.

I want to see Sandy’s endless teddy bear energy clash with Red-wants to seem intimidating but will also grab his new friends warm milk if they ask-Son. 

I want to see Wukong forced to have an extended conversation with Sandy, or really anyone from the team that isn’t MK or actively yelling at him, and getting to really see how they work off of each other. 

I want to see the secret ‘how do we help our clearly not okay friend?’ talks Mei and Sandy have behind MK’s back whenever he starts acting weird, and all the gossip that goes on during the yoga sessions they start doing together after Mei gets the Samadhi fire. 

I want to see Sandy talking with the little girl that LBD possessed, especially since something kind of similar happened to him during season 4, and accidentally becoming her new (and favorite) giant blue uncle. 

I want an episode of MK and Sandy hanging out. Just chilling on the boat, playing with Mo, going for a little walk around town until BOOM! Sandy brings MK to his unsuspecting therapist, who’s about to get the most interesting case of their career. And maybe, if we’re allowed a little angst, a discussion about how scary it is to be born with a lot of power that not only can, but will, hurt a lot of people if it isn't carefully controlled. About how they’ve tried, and failed, to avoid causing pain. About wanting to never cause pain, and how the futility of that sentiment almost outweighs the importance of trying anyways. 

And above all, I DEMAND a Pigsy-Sandy origin story! 

Anyways, this is basically just me edging ever closer to the brink of madness after you accidently inflicted No Thoughts, Only Sandy syndrome upon me with your last response. But, it's also an invitation to gush about Sandy some more, if you want, and also share anything you would want to see in a hypothetical Sandy show!

Unhinged Anon I got you, here's a motif post where I have every MK reflection in the whole show.

AND “I also summoned monster trees with my stress, so. Should I see a doctor? We’ll worry about that later” HAUNTS ME TOO. There's something about the way those shots are set up, cracking from blue to gold:

MK also becoming a "master of focus" in this ep, with focus becoming important later in episodes like 1x09 and 3x11/12 with Mei.

BUT ANON.

Imma use this ask as a spring board for one of my fav personal theories, which is this: OG Sandy, from the original jttw pilgrimage, is also our current day Sandy!

I'll probably throw this into an official theory post later, but for now I'll go into this theory underneath the cut:

First, let's start with 2x08 To Catch a Leaf, during which Sandy has several PTSD flashbacks:

So, the first one is some sort of battlefield, and the second one...

Is of Zhu Bajie?

Now, we know Pigsy has never worn an outfit like this based off of this comment in 4x05:

Pigsy: "Blue ain't really my color, but it beats looking like that monster, Zhu Ganglie."

-

The Pig Demon in that flashback from 2x08 HAS to be Zhu Bajie of the original jttw pilgrimage. But why would Sandy have a memory like that?

Next is the fact that while everyone else in 4x09 Roast of the Monkie Kids is compared to their past life, Sandy notably isn't.

Tang knows friendship, but unlike Tang Sanzang isn't studious.

Mei is bold and brave, but lacks Ao Lie's caution.

Pigsy like Zhu Bajie is stubborn, but he has the heart his predecessor originally lacked.

Yet this is all Subodhi has to say to Sandy:

Subdohi: "You have nothing more to learn my hilariously blue student! Another star for you!" Sandy: "Dooww thank you wise master!" Subodhi: "But! You're far too nice for your own good." Sandy: "Uh huh, you noticed!"

(4x09 Roast of the Monkie Kids)

-

It's exceedingly strange that in an episode where Subodhi breaks down everyone's character arcs, Sandy is told he's all good. He has nothing more to learn, and no more character development to go through.

Unless of course...Subodhi quite simply couldn't compare Sandy to his past life because there was no past life to compare him to.

Another detail in s4 that's always intrigued me is how Sandy is brought back to himself from Sha Wujing in 4x06.

Pigsy's heartfelt speech on the legacy of their past lives not defining their current one, or how they're not monsters, doesn't work. It's instead Mo offering Sandy wholehearted love that brings Sandy back:

Which, of course Sandy has a close bond with Mo, but Pigsy's speech wasn't anything to scoff at either:

Pigsy: "No. No! Just cause we look a certain way, cause our monster ancestors were, well, monsters, none of that matters! I won't let his legacy define mine, and neither should you! Your the strongest, the biggest, the bluest guy I know! But all you've ever used those muscles for is to help people in need—your friends. That don't sound like a monster to me." (4x06 Show Me the Monster)

As far as we know, that should have been the exact thing Sandy needed to be freed from his past life, and yet it wasn't.

That would be because, at least under the confines of this theory, the guy Pigsy is saying Sandy wasn't like was indeed who Sandy used to be. Yes, Sandy has far outgrown the person who fought to establish his own place in the world, learning that "hurting others isn't a measure of one's strength". But here's the thing, who you used to be matters. Unlike Pigsy's relationship with Zhu Bajie, Sandy's relationship with who he was in the past can't as easily be written off. It's still a part of him.

There are also certain other details. like the fact that Sandy knows his way to Flower Fruit Mountain in "A Hero is Born", or how he's so knowledgeable on ancient powerful remedies like the crimson jimson weed. Of course these details could be chalked up to plot convenience—which is by no means a flaw or complaint—but I've always wondered if there was anything more to it.

But, Sandy's more laid back reaction to most things has always intrigued me, and it would re-contextualize certain scenes like this one from 2x10 in a fun way:

Pigsy: "No! What could have been so important that you'd leave MK alone to face that- that thing! You're supposed to be his mentor-"

Sandy: "ENOUGH!" "I think we should give Mr. Monkey King, a chance to explain."

(2x10 This is the End!)

Of course with this theory comes a few questions, like why Sandy didn't meet the same fate as the other pilgrims, or why he wouldn't let Sun Wukong know he was alive, or why he would bother to pretend he wasn't the OG Sha Wujing at all. And honestly? I don't have an answer to these questions!

But what I do know is that Sandy's friends are greatly important to him-

Sandy: "Hurting others isn't a measure of one's strength—took me a really long time to realize that. As long as I'm doing something to help out a friend, I don't mind what it is! I just want to be there for 'em when they need me. Cause at the end of the day, helping my friends is more important than anything else in the world!" (2x08 To Catch a Leaf)

-and losing them would affect him greatly.

Whatever happened to the og jttw crew, that could very easily be the reason Sandy was "the most dangerous, deadly, rage filled warrior [Pigsy] ever [knew]". Based off of that 2x08 Zhu Bajie flashback, Sandy could very well have watched his friend die.

But, now that Sandy has his friends back in his life? Of course he's going to do whatever he can for them!

Which would include anything from making tea to breaking his vow to never fight again.

And please for the love of god give us a Pigsy - Sandy origin story. I'm begging. WHAT IS THEIR HISTORY MAN. WHY DID PIGSY KNOW HOW TO COMMIT A JAILBREAK.

[literary-illuminati]

Books I Read In September

45. The Oleander Sword, by Tasha Suri

Pre-ordered this, and I’m entirely happy with what I got. I mean it’s got intrigue and angst and the literal and metaphorical selling of souls and lesbians and eldritch horrors and war crimes, what’s not to love?

But really, I’m pretty sure I already made the joke, but SFF lesbians and weird power dynamics around fealty and martyrdom sure are a pair, huh? (Or maybe that’s just a random bit of selection bias in the books I read/see talked about, but eh. I should catch up on Montress.)

Anyway, Malini is a joy to read, and the Yaksha are absolutely gorgeous and come across as rather believably alien, though I really do wish they weren’t quite so straightforwardly malevolent, and the temple/palace intrigues with whatever the asshole emperor’s name was and his priests was great. Can’t wait for book 3.

46. None the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

My other pre-ordered book of the year. And look, I am largely outsourcing my opinions on this book to the ongoing 24/7 symposium digging into every bit of symbolism and possible reference in these things going on here in the tag. But, like, book good. 

Also Pal and Cam, my beloveds. And Nona is adorable. 

I need to go scream in the wilderness a bit again.

47. The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid

This month’s attempt to acquire some Culture, via what was apparently the most influential book of 2007 (literally recommended to me because a coworker’s book club is doing it). 

But no, this was good! Very much of it’s time, though less in a ‘dated in a bad way’ way, and more in a ‘future generations of college students will get assigned this and told to write an essay about the cultural fallout of the War On Terror.’ 

It really, really committed to the whole ‘life story told in a conversation over dinner’ framing device, to a degree that books basically never do - the prose of the whole thing still felt conversational and like it could actually be said by one person to another. The constant asides to the cuisine being served and the order of the courses and everything did eventually start to grate, though. 

The big central twist is, well, barely a twist - except that the title gives you a very definite idea of where the protagonist’s arc is going to end up that you bring with you into the book. Still, really well done.

I’m surprised you don’t see the janissarya analogy made more often in modern polemic. Shoe doesn’t exactly fit, but close enough that you’d think it’d get some use.

48. Exit Strategy by Martha Wells

I really do adore Murderbot stories. They’re just perfectly sized for a lazy afternoon or two of reading, they’ve got the plot structure of a tightly edited 40-minute tv episode, and they’re just great fun comfort reads. Perfect book pringles. (Also Murderbot is one of the greatest protagonists of all time).

This one in particular would have honestly worked pretty well as a finale to the series? Or, since it clearly isn’t, I guess ‘works as a season finale’ is the better way to put it? It resolves the central underlying plot thread that’s been running through the books so far quite nicely, anyway. 

I totally admit that aside from Murderbot only, like, four characters have made a sufficient impression that I can reliably identify them by just their names, though. 

49. Elder Race by Adrian Tchaikovsky 

Hey, I finally finished the last Hugo nominee! Now to start feeling properly guilty about failing to answer that ask about my ranking/opinions from a month ago. 

But no, this was good. The only Tchaikovsky I’d read before was Children of Time/Ruin, so this was definitely a change of pace (obvious similarities in setting aside). The whole central conceit of ‘fantasy setting is actually the result of an apocalypse destroying a technologically advanced civilization and the descendents of the survivors viewing the remnants as magical relics and sorcery’ is so thoroughly cliche I think people just stopped writing it for a couple decades, but the execution is really well done. 

Nyr and Lynette are both fun POVs, anyway, and I absolutely adore anything that has multiple POVs seeing/taking part in the same events and interpreting them wildly differently. The one chapter that had two columns with Nyr providing exposition on one side and what Lynette&co actually understood him as saying on the other was great. 

Tchaikovsky also did a really excellent job of capturing the whole horror and grief and ennui of being the Last Of Your Kind better than I usually see, and also saying Fuck the Prime Directive, which is always appreciated. 

Also incredibly endearing that Nyr’s whole transhuman civilization gave themselves giant badass horns and then collectively decided to pretend it was for pragmatic utilitarian reasons. 

50. Fugitive Telemetry by Martha Wells

Because it’s 2 murder 2 bot month, I guess (but no all my holds on these really did just come in at once).

So apparently this was actually written after the novel, which I only found out after finishing it, but chronologically it seems to have taken place before? Which conveniently means I didn’t accidentally ruin any big twists for myself.  

Anyway, this was a fun detective story sort of thing. Murderbot being continuously annoyed at how much harder the lack of a dystopian panopticon made their job was a great running gag.

51. The Thousand Eyes by A. K. Larkwood 

Because it’s magical lesbians month, I guess. 

But no, this was a fun read. The whole setting and tone were very, hmm, D&D? Like a real mixture of super fantastical elements and generic fantasy things given different names (there are elves, and orcs, and for some reason specifically yuan-ti) and then the vision of society and the economics and the mindset and vocabulary of everyone who hasn’t been asleep in a ditch for ten thousand years is just incredibly modern. Not a complaint, it’s just very much a thing. 

My actual complaint is that this was like four different discrete stories stacked on top of each other and put into a compactor until they all fit in one book. There were a lot of times where I was kind of left feeling that Larkwood was relying on me knowing how a given story/character arc goes so she could just skip through the high points and then resolve it without necessarily building it up beforehand. 

(I also have a perpetual dislike for the plot beat of ‘oh no, the abusive cult who raised you was just doing their religion wrong. We’ve got a direct line to your/their god and he’s actually a great guy!’)

Interesting how minor a character Csorwe is in this one compared to Unspoken Name, really, but Shuthmili and Tal are both incredibly fun POVs so can’t say I really mind. Tsundere dragon goddess of betrayal and destruction was also a great time. 

[exosexosekai]

8 SHOWS TO GET TO KNOW ME

@lgbtally4ever thank u🥺❤️ here we go✨ this will be a hell of a karma list lmaooo

1. Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon

This is my comfort drama💖🥺 I've watched it several years ego and i'm as addicted as ever! The main couple (Arshi), their chemistry, the story... I'm just in love with all of them! And still waiting for a new season (or even a different project, it really doesn't matter🙏🏻) with the same cast, especially with the main leads🥺💖

2. The K2

The drama that made me fell in love with Ji Chang Wook! No words needed. I love action dramas so much and the way he didn't use a stunt still amazes me😭 His acting was top-notch and i loved the storyline. Although towards the end, i wanted Jeha to be with that lady, i find them more attractive than the main couple.

3. KinnPorsche The Series

I've watched BL dramas before and none of them left the effect on my like this one did😭 I was waiting for it to air, and when it did the craze was unbelivable! I love mafia shows, and with such a big production they really did an amazing job. Still waiting for S2🥺

4. If You Wish Upon Me

Changwook's another drama, and boy it has such an angst but warmth at the same time😭💖😭💖 I loved his chemistry with Sooyoung too🥺

5. The Glory

It's a new, but very impressive drama. I love vengence dramas, it's like i was with the lead and i'm watching her taking her revenge step by step. Can't wait for the rest of the episodes❤️

6. Sherlock

It wouldn't be complete without you😭😭😭 Nothing more to say, i love Benedict and his Sherlock. Every episode was like a movie, so good. A new season? God help us🙏🏻

7. Memories of the Alhambra

It's my first kdrama😭 I've watched it because of Chanyeol (because i'm an EXO-L) and totally loved it! I loved the storyline, the lead's efforts to level up and get rid of the glitch in the game. One of the most impressive dramas.

8. The Veil

I told you that i love action dramas, and this one serves so good🥺. I finished it a few days ago and i'm still in daze. Actings, songs, fight scenes... top notch! Nam Goong Min did really an awesome job, no wonder this drama gave him a daesang👏🏻

This is it😭😭😭 i don't know anyone that much here but...

@heliosxxhoe @thearttherapyroom @littleprincehyun @maladaptivedaydreamsx and those whoever see and wants to do this💖

[callipraxia]

oh, ALSO--📓. tell away, friend.

Ooh, don’t mind if I do…Though I’m unsure how much sense 2/3 of this will make, as while there are some GF daydream fics, the ultimate daydream fics are for completely different fandoms.

One would be to pick up where the S2 (and, ultimately, series) finale of Marvel’s Agent Carter left off, and write season 3 through Whatever Season Ended Up Getting Us To Whatever I Decided Felt Like A Good Stopping Point. I don’t know enough Marvel lore to even attempt such a thing, but…a dream’s a dream, I suppose. First I’d have to decide if <character who gets shot in the last few seconds of the last episode> died or not, and S3 would presumably involve a lot of investigation into that; overall, it would probably serve the plot best to kill the guy, alas, and then you get the opportunity for a murder investigation, meddling feds now that one of their main means of controlling the SSR is dead, an excuse to get the survivors back to New York…then, if we run with the theory that the “M. Carter” file Jack tried to blackmail Peggy with in S2 was actually about Michael Carter instead of Margaret, we get to throw in some epic family drama plus more angst for Peggy now that her love life is mostly resolved…except for how a sort of prototype of Black Widow is still on the loose and certainly feels…some kind of way about Peggy, anyway. Plus the mob may be after her as well for the outcome of the whole Whitney Frost thing, and…etc etc.

If anything, the other two absolute daydreams would be even harder to pull off. One is a War and Peace-style epic about the first Voldemort war from the Potterverse - politics and violence and angst and motive decay and moral ambiguity and good and indifferent people slowly going different flavors of bad and betrayals and an excuse to show off that I used to study Russian and all that kind of good stuff. So, War and Peace with more pretentiousness, less humor, and pseudo-Dostoyevskian themes. Plus I’d soft retcon various stupid bits of canon, fix up bits that were handled in the most boneheaded fashion possible, etc.

As for the third…this requires some backstory to make any sense, I’m afraid, so I shall write some here. Once upon a time, the Harry Potter executives tried to make a knockoff of Pokémon Go. Never played it (I’ve never been much of one for games), but I read the guidebook in the grocery store one day and the framing device story *fascinated* me. A group of witches and wizards, apparently completely unconnected, all vanished into thin air one day in London. The trouble came in because one of them was a *very* well-connected sort of person: she was an Auror herself, and her mentors had been Harry and this other guy high up in the Department of Mysteries. Her husband was also an employee of the DoM, a guy whose speciality was in translating ancient languages and studying unregulated, unstable forms of magic. Said husband had also been orphaned during the Battle of Hogwarts in book 7, when he was about 12, and while he had seemed to take that pretty much in stride, he went off the deep end when a) his wife vanished, with the supposed best investigators in the world unable to find anything but her cracked wand lying on the ground without explanation and b) he realized there was a government conspiracy afoot to sweep the whole matter under the rug, as the unexplained disappearances had become politically…inconvenient for certain high-ranking persons. So the guy tried to press things through more or less legitimate channels for a while, but when he was told he was losing his mind, that it was time to move on, etc…that went poorly. Instead, he disappeared, just about the time magical sites in Prague and Japan started complaining about thefts and something went catastrophically wrong with the Stuff Wizards Use To Prevent Detection, leaving magical sites exposed, magical creatures wandering around the mundane world, and, oddest of all, people’s memories just sort of cropping up, completely free of context, in inexplicable places all over Britain. And then they went through the guy’s things and find out he had gotten it into his head that he could combine some ancient magics, one of them possibly connected to the infamous Love Room in the DoM and one of them said to help you find what you want most regardless of the impossibility of it being found….

Alas, the game apparently flopped in every respect besides backstory and the story was never finished, and so I would love to novelize the heck out of it. Only trouble is the same as with Agent Carter: I do not feel capable of coming up with a good enough ending with the amount of information to lead in with that I have. With Gravity Falls, there is already a good ending, and for some reason, this makes me feel much freer somehow? Like, I didn’t have to come up with Bill’s plan to write FWJB, I just had to think through how a diversion of the timeline would affect its implementation/everyone else’s efforts to thwart it. I’d be plunging into dramatically uncharted waters with any of these daydream-projects, and the fact I happen to know a fair bit about magic in the ancient world on top of knowing the Potter magic system (such as it is) inside and out would…probably actually hinder things further, as very few people other than me would be likely to find the research-heavy bits remotely interesting.

In Gravity Falls ideas that will never happen, though…y’know how we all agree s2 is full of absolute brilliance that suffers in places from the storyline being too tightly compressed? I wanna decompress it. By that, I mean “write the episodes between the bits we saw” - go back into s2a and flesh out…I dunno. Definitely our government boys’ plot line, anyways. McGucket’s plot line. What-have-you. Then, once I had enough extra episodes to fill out s2, treat either NWHS or ATOTS as the s2 Finale, then take s2b, fit in the two Lost Legends stories that seem to fall in that part of the timeline as two more episodes, and then…write more episodes, until I have a hypothetical s3/August of twenty episodes to go with s1 and the filled-out s2a, which would now just be s2. Flesh out Pacifica’s redemption, and whatever the heck Gideon was up to, and Stan’s psychological spiraling, etc, all leading up the canon final quartet of episodes. It’s possible some of these ideas could make it to one-shots someday, but the overarching project seems, much like my ideas for doing unholy things to the premise of Relativity Falls, too ambitious to pull off. Ditto, actually, for full-blown sequels to FWJB set in either of the two ‘good’ timelines - and, for that matter, the ‘mundane’ variants of the ‘bad’ timeline, though a direct sequel to the ‘chapter 26’ timeline is…not out of the question. It keeps trying to develop in my mind, lately, to the point of writing those scenes the other week where Ford got killed and adult!Mabel unexpectedly entered the plot….

But first I gotta finish Tracey’s Journal. And the saga of Ford, who is definitely not a wizard, teaching at Hogwarts in 1989 or thereabouts. And I’m several books deep in research for the mother of all essay projects…as in, I might end up writing a nonfiction book about GF at this rate. And etc etc etc.

[alphinias]

SO GLAD YOUR ASKS ARE OPEN! I have a lot of thoughts lol and this is going to be super long and all over the place but I definitely need to just get it all out! Sorry in advance!! Firstly, I excitedly hopped onto the jiara tags after finishing and was surprised that so many people had problems with jiara?? Is that the majority or am I just seeing it randomly? Also I keep seeing people say they aren’t together in the end? But I don’t see why people are assuming that? They sat next to each other and kie looked down and smiled lovingly at j… also I’m hearing people complain about how jiara felt rushed but I definitely don’t see it that way. I think over all it was amazingly portrayed and angsty and represented their relationship so well! Keep in mind that they have known each other for yearsss, they have both deep down had feelings for each other and have spent weeks on an island being around each other 24/7 and bonding. I think for a friends to lovers trope, it was perfect because for them to decide to take the next step in their relationship and make the choice that it’s worth pursuing they obviously have to be in love! I will admit that I slightly missed their married couple banter but for people to be saying that they ruined jiara bc of the lack of banter is odd to me. Kie has always been soft with jj whenever they’ve been alone and away from everyone else… it’s definitely not a new behavior. Also, kie knows jj, she knows how he’s struggling and her being soft with him was her way of showing him that she cares and loves him which I think JJ really needed this season and she def knew that. He definitely didn’t need people banging on him like they usually do. He needed to be shown that he is worthy and that he’s understood, appreciated and loved. I absolutely loved the kiss and leading up to it! It felt like jiara! I just wish they had better lighting! (What’s up with shows always doing this with our fav ships?) also, it definitely ended a bit early but that’s my bad for assuming we’d get a full make out lol. (I might be slightly bitter that cleope got a good lighting and zoomed in kiss lol even tho I love them) JB’s dad’s storyline was really dragged and boring! It took up way too much screen time for sure! I actually ended up skipping a few parts after ep 5, and I didn’t care for him in general! He was a selfish ass I think. As far as the time jump, I definitely hated it! It felt like a rushed/lazy way to tie up loose ends which was unnecessary since we’re getting a s4. Like I get wanting to bypass some stuff and show us that the pogues won but by doing so you skip over the real rewards of seeing how they react/handle the next steps in their lives! We want to see all of jiara’s firsts! That’s the most rewarding part! And I hate when shows do this bc it just feels like a disconnect! They better serve us some good content to make up for it next season!

I agree with pretty much everything you said!!

From what I’ve seen, I think most people seem to have generally liked the Jiara. But I also think the finale petering off the way it did left a lot of bad taste in everyone’s mouth, and it was the last thing everyone watched. I think it’s going to settle with everyone a lot better after a few days have passed and we can better appreciate all the stuff we got.

I don’t think Jiara felt rushed. I had my concerns for a split second that they were acknowledging their feelings too fast, but the angle they were going for really settling in to Kie knowing in 2x10 and being so happy on the island worked. And the emphasis on JJ’s struggles of accepting that kind of love rather than a journey to those feelings really worked imo! I also missed Jiara banter, not gonna lie, but the angst was fantastic, and in the happy moments like the fishing scene we did get that more classic Jiara dynamic. So it’s still there. I think part of the reason this also felt lacking was because of the lack of good fun group scenes in general; that’s almost always when their banter shines because it’s more relaxed and not directly about them and their relationship.

And of course, a lot of people have had this ship getting together playing out in extremely specific ways in their heads for three years. The show is never going to hit all of those on the head exactly, and that’s also an adjustment period when a slow burn gets together I think.

[catelyngrant]

4, 7, 10, 11, 19, 23, 24, 25

4. Favorite books read this year: I really loved Our Wives Under The Sea by Julia Armfield, Mistakes Were Made by Meryl Wilsner, Honey in the Marrow by Emily Waters, and The Carlisle Series by Roslyn Sinclair.

7. Favorite TV show episodes of the year: "Safe Room" (Succession 2x04) didn't actually air this year, but I saw it for the first time this year, so I'll count it (same with "Tern Haven" and "Retired Janitors of Idaho"). I also loved Hacks 2x06 "The Click", andGrace and Frankie 7x16 "The Beginning".

10. Biggest fandom disappointment of the year: I did this partly to myself, but several years after giving up on The Walking Dead due to bad writing, empty shock value, and little character service, I hopped back on board when Angela Kang took over as showrunner and the Carol/Daryl spinoff was announced. Season ten was actually really good, and I got invested all over again despite my better judgment, and...yeah. Did not go well.

11. Biggest squee moments of the year: It's got to be Dolly showing up in the G&F finale, right? That was very high up there. Also, tbh, everything about JSC from her outfits to her tweets to her endless mockery of her favorite costar put a giant smile on my face.

19. Fandom that made an unexpected comeback: Well, it wasn't unexpected in that I'd been planning a rewatch for some time, but my Battlestar Galactica rewatch was nostalgic af and really made me happy (for the most part). On a much more unexpected note, though, announcements of David Tennant and Catherine Tate's return to Doctor Who and the TNG reunion on Star Trek: Picard bowled me over in the best way even though they haven't aired yet!

23. The most missed of your old fandoms: As I said, my BSG rewatch brought on some serious nostalgia for the old days. I don't think fandom as it existed back then is quite possible anymore, but they were good days.

24. Fandom resolutions for next this year: Same as ever—try to enjoy the good, ignore the bad, steer clear of drama, and step away from anything that's giving me more angst/frustration than fun or joy.

25. Fandom predictions for next this year: I don't think I'm going to have any major new fandoms this year, but I expect that both Star Trek and Doctor Who will consume my life with a renewed vigor. I am very hesitant to make predictions, so I'll call them hopes instead, but GOD, I am hoping very much for a satisfying season four of Succession that serves my specific interests, and I am hoping that the L&O franchise will quit fucking around and that the EO fandom can know peace.