i'm gonna log off for a while because i'm really mentally drained from constantly hearing how unhappy and disappointed some of you guys were with both SB and CH'snendings and developments.
i know some of you guys come from a good place and mean no harm but imagine working on something for so long and then you yourself are already sad about how things ended but you wanna use it as a way to do better next time but people constantly tell you how you should do better next time and its always "i was so excited but it never came" and "i wished things would have gone this way" after you spent days crying out of frustration because your brain didn't corporate.
people who have never written (one shots or series doesnt matter) don't know the burden of leaving unfinished works up there. i keep telling you guys that i tried so hard to somehow give you guys an ending because if i hadn't you guys would have never received ANY ending so i tried to make the best of it.
i dont take the hate to heart anymore bc i couldnt care less and i know as a writer i should be open to criticism but i'm a little tired of my work being constantly nitpicked when i do this for fun.
i know updating daily was what burnt me out pls stop telling me that i obviously overestimated myself i fucking know.
whatever, it actually doesn't matter anymore because CH is over and i dont think i'll ever write smaus that long ever again bc the criticism is so not worth the mental effort and stress.
i do this for FUN. you know how artists doodle in their notebooks, this is what this blog is to me. i make mistakes, i over/underestimate things and myself bc this is life. it's just..not that deep for y'all to constantly camp in my inbox and make me feel bad about it when i already accepted it.
i'm gonna do some self reflection and think about it all so take care babies 🤍
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Tokyo Revengers Groupchat (not everyone, also random combinations, no specific gang)
Warnings: swearing, suggestive, homophobia by a gay person (just sillies), mentions of vomit and poison, mentions of drugs
Desc: placenta, placebo, or gazebo? 🤔
Rindou: yk when you tell someone something then they believe it and it works?
Rindou: like what you're saying isn't true but cause they think it is, it works
Ran: yes
Ran: the placenta effect
Izana: here we fucking go
Smiley: you're kidding right?😁
Ran: are you going to put a Smiley face after every single thing you text?
Ran: we get it, you smile really wide 👍
Smiley: kys
Ran: so hostile and for what
Mikey: idk what the word is but it's definitely not placenta
Izana: how even?
Mitsuya: ...the placebo effect??
Ran: isn't that those huge tent things
Mitsuya: that's a gazebo
Ran: oh
Ran: same thing
Smiley: you dumb as hell
Hakkai: you'd think that big ass forhead of yours would be worth something
Hakkai: smh
Ran: and you'd think after 10 years you'd get over whatever grudge you have against me
Hakkai: you literally hit my best friend (future bf) over the head with a brick
Chifuyu: thought you could sneak that in huh
Hakkai: he could have died
Ran: but he didn't?
Ran: i was just being silly and having fun
Ran: is that such a crime🙄
Hakkai: ITS FUCKING ATTEMPTED MURDER
Rindou: so is it placebo, placenta, or gazebo?
Mitsuya: it's placebo
Kazutora: placenta's are in females stomachs for pregnancy i think
Baji: that's the uterus (i'm so fucking smart)
Chifuyu: none of those are correct
Draken: google exists also
Draken: why are you asking us
Rindou: shut up for a sec
Rindou: would the placenta effect potentially kill someone
Rindou: like if you told someone that you poisoned them and then after a while they start frothing at the mouth and shit, could they die?
Rindou: or are they being a little bitch and faking lol
Rindou: i didn't actually put the rat poison in his drink (i think)
Rindou: but it kinda seems like he's dying or smth
Mikey: what the fuck is this situation
Mikey: is this real?💀
Rindou: nah
Rindou: hypothetically
Ran: does this have to do with the ambulance being here
Rindou: nah
Rindou: can y'all just answer me
Rindou: hurry before the "poison", does it's job or whatever
Rindou: guys he's throwing up pretty violently
Rindou: there's blood
Rindou: hypothetically
Izana: who would you have "hypothetically" poisoned?😐
Rindou: bro that's not the point, sir
Izana: stop calling me sir in normal situations
Izana: we're normal now and not in a gang and i'm a normal person not a gang leader
Mochi: so we don't have to call you Izana-sama anymore?
Ran: what if it turns us on
Izana: uhm
Kakucho: fuck off
Kakucho: sorry
Ran: Kaku give it up, he's way too old for you
Rindou: so y'all just gonna let the hypothetical person die? ayt
Rindou: i'm on my way to the hospital for unrelated reasons
Kakucho: who's the hypothetical victim of the placebo
Rindou: uhhh Sanzu
Kakucho: LMAO
Kakucho: let him hypothetically die then 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Mitsuya: punch him in the stomach
Rindou: i know a lot of y'all don't like him but we're friends now and i don't want him to die also he has the best drugs so i'd rather he stay alive so that i can enjoy them recreationally
Rindou: but i'll do it anyway
Mitsuya: stfu for a sex, punching him will make him throw up, and he'll vomit most of the poison out
Rindou: oh like in the stomach?
Rindou: he's gonna be so mad at me, damn
Baji: "shut up for a sex" lmaoooooo🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Baji: and you guys say I'M diabetic💀💀
Mikey: bro what?😭
Kakucho: you mean dyslexic?
Kakucho: nvm the situation speaks for itself
Smiley: the irony of this is crazy
Draken: that got a chuckle outta me 😂
Chifuyu: why you text like a 40 year old dad💀
Ran: i never went to school but even i know that's incorrect
Hakkai: "i never went to school but even i know that's incorrect 🤓👆"
Hakkai: jump into oncoming tragic you f slur🖕
Smiley: aur naur you done made Hakkai homophobic
Ran: you need to fucking chill omg
Mitsuya: are you five years old, Baji
Baji: nah i'm 24 dumbness🤨
Baji: *dumbass
Izana: my oath for not using violence anymore might have to be on hold cause you guys are pissing me the fuck off you fucking incompetent fools useless excuses of human beings
Smiley: bro called us fools
Ran: that's a bit much, sir
Baji: bet you're typing with your left hand
Ran: uh huh <3
Rindou: get some fucking bitches, damn
Ran: where are your bitches, Rindou
Rindou: on my dick
Ran: oh you're talking about the femboys?
Ran: ohh ok i thought you weren't gay but whatever
Mikey: yo is haruchiyo alive?
Rindou: they're pumping his stomach, he'll be fine
Rindou: liking femboys isn't gay
Smiley: 🤨
Angry: 🤨
Rindou: don't act dumb because it's literally in the term 'fem'
Draken: uh, what about the 'boy' part
Rindou: don't twist my words
Rindou: how is liking something that looks like a girl, gay??
Mitsuya: bffr 😐
Rindou: y'all telling me if i fuck haruchiyo i'm gay???
Hakkai: he's a boy?
Rindou: he looks like a woman
Rindou: have you seen his body? tiny ass waist headass. y'all come to the onsen next time you'll see what i mean
Chifuyu: you're being weird rn
Ran: what about his penis, Rindou
Rindou: that's irrelevant
Rindou: besides it's barely noticeable
Draken: people like you and Koko are the fucking problem, get some therapy
Smiley: Rindou thinks fucking a guy in the ass isn't gay 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Rindou: "FEM"
Draken: BOY???? MALE??? MAN??? DICK???
Rindou: ok who's gay now, weirdo🤨
Draken: kys (kill yourself)
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Anakin & Letting Go
I always found it to be a little skeptical that Anakin could become a force ghost after it took Yoda, Qui Gon, and Obi-Wan learning and training how to do it, and I always thought “really? Anakin? Finding that level of peace and letting go?” But after this episode, seeing the care and lesson that he imparts upon Ahsoka that he learned so painfully, I understand it from him so much better. Vader was so stuck in his complete self-hatred that he allowed nobody who had known him before as Anakin to reach him (most notably Obi-Wan and Ahsoka) because of the overwhelming extent of his shame. It took his son, who had never known him and yet who still stood before him and believed in him, loved him, sacrificed himself for him, to call Anakin back from the depths of Vader. And this Anakin, let everything go to save his son and to allow his son to save him.
And it felt so impactful to get to see this mature post-Vader Anakin reaching out to Ahsoka to teach her this very hard-earned lesson that he took the very hard road to get. Because she has Vader in her. She is everything Anakin taught her, and we saw the behaviors that led Anakin to becoming Vader—the fear of losing his most cherished relationships—reaching out of Anakin very early in the clone wars (and before) and the two of them are both very aware that he imparted those lessons on her. And then we've seen across this season—and overtly in her clone wars flashbacks—that she believes she is inextricable from these traits.
I’ve always loved Anakin as a fictional character, getting to see his earnestness, his flawedness, and his intensity (to borrow Huyang’s very accurate adjective), but this episode brought a level of humanity to him that has moved me so deeply. Life is HARD, loss gets forced on all of us no matter what, and the lessons that we learn through mistakes that we made can be extremely painful because acknowledging and taking responsibility for hurting people is actually really painful for humans (not owning up to our actions is the emotionally easier choice and George Lucas has stated time and again that the Dark Side is about taking the short-term easier choices). But it ultimately means that learning from your mistakes is an actual choice you have to MAKE. And this is the core of Anakin’s lesson. He is teaching Ahsoka that she has to choose which lessons he has taught her that she will live by, but more than that, that she is empowered to be able to choose. Yes, she has everything that he taught her—the good and the bad—but she is not condemned to live out all of the lessons.
And the beauty of it isn't just the lesson, but that Anakin gets to be the one to teach it to her. The betrayal that she experienced in discovering his fall, the taintedness that she has been portraying that she feels about herself, gets specifically addressed because if he figured it out, then she definitely can too. If he is more than just Vader, then she is too. And THAT is what the "Is that what this is about?" line is actually about. It's so so important that we get to see pre-Vader, Vader, and post-Vader across her vision because the point is that yes, Vader is a part of him, and that brilliant shot of the two of them glaring Sith eyes across the blade at each other did it's job in conveying that Ahsoka is capable of that darkness too, but you are not only the darkness. You get to choose. ("You're more than [death and destruction] because I'm more than that"). And more to the point, you have to choose. Because if you don't specifically choose to fight the dark, then you're ultimately choosing to fall into it. "Fight or die."
So for Anakin to be able to reach out to her one more time, to be able to love her the way he, as Vader, had refused to the last time when they met on Malachor, and to open with “you’re never too old to learn”, because god if he didn’t learn that the hard way too. And to be able to pass on to Ahsoka how to actually let go because he himself had only just finally been able to learn it as well, feels so powerful and poignant.
And that look of pride and wistful sadness that he gives her at the end? That both she and Luke were able to learn so quickly what took him so long? And that maybe, he may have helped save her from the worst traits that he imbued upon her? That’s him having let go of his own shame. He feels grief, he feels guilt—we can see it on his face—but what has happened has happened and he has accepted that, and finally learned that letting go doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means it doesn't have to define your actions going forward.
And finally, it’s also him letting go of ahsoka. By teaching her that she will choose her destiny, he has to accept that he cannot control it either. And he has. “There’s hope for you yet.”
So yeah, Anakin learned to let go, and getting to see him here, in this headspace of acceptance and peace, practicing and understanding what it means to be a Jedi, was so unexpectedly cathartic and revelatory for me as viewer.
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