#THEY WERE RIGHT WHEN THEY SAID THIS SUMMER WOULD B THE HOTTEST ONE YET

[qwakque]

SUMMER IS THE BEST SEASON EVER!!!

[suhjihanma]

𝑺𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝑺𝒛𝒏.

☩Pairing: Gojo Satoru / Female Reader ☩Word Count: 1,909 words ☩Content / Warnings: Gagging, Clothed gagging, dress gagging (?), dirty talk, fingering, pussy fingering, slight hints of anal play, hints of face-sitting, begging, hints of submission, slight orgasm control/denial, dresses, ass worship, hot intercourse, hot weather, tongue-fucking, overstimulation. ☩Author's Note: Minors DNI. Well, I love being flagged by tumblr. Any who, honestly, I had this idea in my head all day while being at nursing/PCT orientation for my new job, of all the weird places. Felt a tad bit rushed due to dealing with a slight sprain in my ankle right now. This stuff hurts, man. Happy reading! By the by, I'm officially on AO3 for more of the spicy stuff. As always, requests and suggestions are open, loves. "𝑺𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆, 𝒚𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒆𝒈𝒔 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂 𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒎."

August.  

The hottest month of the year, and yet you managed to survive another scorching evening. You suggested that the window was not going to help the temperature that became brutal to bare. It’s not like he was going to listen anyway. Of all the times to be in a personal crisis, the ancient air conditioner that your mother lend to you back in her college days was long gone. A good run for twenty years for her became just five years for the both of you. You were contemplating buying a replacement yet, the financial burden was growing to be steep.  

If it’s not one thing, then it’s the next thing.  

Thankfully, the night breeze was faint when the air brushed across your flushed body. Sweat continued to pour from the side of your temples as you miserably laid across the uncomfortable, worn carpet. The old carpet scruffs against your wet back as you hitch your ever flowing long dress above your knees. You would think that the dress would help the unbearable heat but, the continuous perspiration suggests otherwise.  

“Just take the whole thing off. Problem solved, ____ .” Said the man beside you that was completely being unfair with the cooling airspace. You looked over at him and his signature smile that crept condescendingly showed.  

“That will be even more of a problem, Satoru.” You whined. A faint chuckle from him was given. Slowly turning yourself around, your stomach presses against the floor, arms flared out. A loud sigh of exhaustion rose from your mouth as you complained on and on about the weather. The summers here were unbearable. You wondered how someone like Satoru could deal with this heat.  

Then again, you have always forgotten that he came from a climate that was nothing but humid.  

A strand of your hair droops slowly across your face. You play with the strand by blowing air with your pursed lips, with a small effort of cooling your drenched face in the process. Boredom was tiptoeing in the dark, let alone the smooth vocals of an R&B vocalist that was serenading the hell-heated room. Boredom wasn’t all that bad. You were left in your thoughts of the sounds of Satoru bantering over the female vocals. Sabotaging the mood could be left in your favor but, you wanted to be good for your man tonight. It’s times like this where you want to be caressed in his arms, yet the heat was torturous.  

You only told yourself that there’s a difference between the ‘heat’ in the bedroom and actual ‘heat’.  

______________________________________________________________

The night grew to be slightly cooler. The sounds of cicadas slowly began to fade as the sounds of the neighborhood rose.  

The sounds of doors being slammed from cars overlapped with moans.  

The sounds of faint idle chatter overlapped with mewling.  

“Who knew you can get horny in this god-forsaken weather?” Satoru chuckled before slowly running his hands to your back thighs. His enjoyment grew to be a bit much as he brought both hands to make your clothed ass, seeing how the fat moved from one side to the other could make a grown man like himself go wild. Both of his hands now started to firmly grab at the top of your ass, and you couldn’t help but to moan out from the roughness.  

Satoru can be rough when he wants to be. The aspects behind it all became enticing. He simply wanted you to become weak with every impact that had on you. The sight of the eyes, the thought of you squirming underneath him, miserable by the weather, and aroused by his touch was the perfect combination of a weakened submissive.  

“That’s- Oh, shit.” You moaned out before resting your head on the carpet again. The touch of his fingers danced across the opening of your dampened sex towards your clothed vaginal opening. The sensations grew to be sensitive by each brush. The long fingers lazily danced towards your folds and with a motion of a pinch, you raised your head from the carpet and looked towards the side of Satoru. A small smirk greeted you. The frosted eyes that were curtained behind his white bangs were attentive to the small jolts that each nerve in your body was desperately yearning for.  

“Can the salt on your skin make up for the sweetness of your cunt, ____-chan?” Satoru voice grew with delight, yet the sultriness of his tone grew to be more present as he brought one of his hands to lick the secretions that came from underneath.  

“Although, I do feel like embarrassing a submissive toward the point where she turns red brings out more flavor.”  

One of your eyes cocked an eyebrow as you wondered what he was babbling about. “Since when did you became a food enthusiast, Satoru?” The breeze from the window gently brushed behind you as you felt your dress being lifted from the back along with your clothed panties. Curiosity lingered closed to you before feeling a sharp sting from your ass. A small cry came from your condescending mouth as your head dropped down to the thin carpet flooring, withering from the excruciating pain that came across both his bare palms that stung red.  

“Look at it.”  

Shocked, you look up to face the man by turning your head to the side. Ass up in the air, you were in a vulnerable state. A vulnerable state of pleasure, you responded in a mewl before shifting your shaped ass against the palms that were still holding on.  

“Since I’ve been eating this dripping cunt. That’s when.” Satoru continued with his fingers, now sunken deep into the heat that drove you mad from his touch. As his fingers continued to dive deep into your heated core, fingertips brushing slowly against the sponge-like organ that rests inside you a cry was let out. Just by his fingers, you were already being driven to your climax until you noticed a change of pace. Motion began to slowly stall as Satoru let out a laugh to himself.  

“I wonder, ____-chan. What’ll happen if I fucked this cunt outside this fuckin g heat, hm?” The twists of his fingers correlated to the devious remarks that came from his snarking lips.

“Although, I do feel like we have some judgmental neighbors. I mean, who wouldn’t judge a whore with her legs and ass out on display. Getting fucked on the sidewalk is a dream of yours. Do not lie to me. Is it, ____?” The filthiness of Satoru’s rambling juncture made you moan out desperately, aching for the next touch of his fingers. The tortuous nature of Satoru was going to get old eventually, and you could not bear to hold in your climax any longer.  

The aching of the fermenting release consumed you in the worst way. All you were doing was waiting for Satoru’s word to gush all over his fingers.  

“Satoru, it’s coming. I don’t think-” You yourself was turning into a rambling mess by the sloppiness movements of fingers while the sensation of fullness slipped away. A dragged-out whine of torment was silenced by the clothing material of your colorful dress that once shaped your figure. Now to mention it, you didn’t realize that the full dress was taken off your body. Peculiar questions didn’t need to be answered now as the muffled cries began to grow more as you felt a familiar muscle lapping between your thighs. Then, the soft thighs that were aching for a man’s touch now were being caressed by him. As Satoru’s hands were occupied with your thighs, his mouth was more occupied with the sensitive opening. You sensed a tiny roughness between your swollen clit as you cried out for more, begging Satoru to not stop.  

“Fuck.” You muffled from your wettened dress that became slick with partial saliva.  

Your release was beginning to rupture from your core as Satoru slight smacks you across your ass. His eyes pierced through your drunken-esque gaze, letting you know that he was now in control of you, as if he was hinting at you for reaching the peaks of your aching climax.  

“Let it come. Let it come.” Satoru’s voice was muffled by the wails that came from your mouth as you guided your lips against his tongue, hips gyrating to the steady motions of his lapping tongue. Eager'd to let you come all over his face, Satoru locked both of your hips in to reduce the motions. Feeling imprisoned by his arms, hands, and mouth, you couldn’t help but to become undone. To be unraveled by his touch, it was becoming unbearable for a woman like yourself. The licking became intense, your heightened senses became intense, it felt as if your body was going into a personal shock that was nothing but pure, raw, and erotic sensations.  

In general, you didn’t know how long you could last by Satoru fucking you with his tongue.  

The violent orgasm crashed through your soul; a dragged-out moan eroded from your hoarse vocals while the muscle spasms that were beginning to show, crept to your knees, having yourself to slowly buckle from the intensity of everything.  

“There you go.” Satoru chuckles before noticing your slight fatigue. “Easy.” He calmly says before shifting you onto your back on the floor. Grateful for his help, you looked at him with a gentle smile. “Thank you.” You kissed him on the cheek before feeling relieved. Satoru smiles at you while studying the rapidness of your chest going up and down. A kiss of the check was in return as he wipes the sweat that was forming across his forehead. He shared a sigh of relief before looking back at you again before getting back up from the floor.  

“Friendly reminder that sundresses don’t work well as gags.” He laughed as he looked for an article of some clothing.  

“Shut up.” You huffed out of annoyance. In your side vision, Satoru begins to put back on his briefs. “Hey, what about you?” Satoru looks up and then his semi-erection that was begging to show from the bulge of his briefs. “Don’t worry about me. “  

“You sure, baby?” You mewled, hinting that a second round could be in the cards. Satoru simply shakes his head and smiles at you, tiredness slowly appearing on his face.  

“Positive.” He now grabs his pants and starts to put them on.  

“Besides, there’s still time to get that air conditioner. That’s something that we must worry about.” He chuckles, waiting for you to drag yourself in to accompany him. A small groan was let out as you slowly began to make your way from the carpet that had nothing but the stain of sweat and sex. You groaned from the slight uncomfortableness of body starting to adjust from its laying position, wondering why Satoru was so willing to purchase this air conditioning unit.  

“At least let me shower first?”  

“Not if I’m lapping that cunt in that shower.”  

You turned with a disorientated glare before shaking your head out of disbelief. “Do that and you’re the one who is buying the unit.”  

Satoru’s face turned into a face full of triumph. Only you know what’s going to happen next. Satoru looks at the pants that he just put on before slowly taking them off while giving you a smile that expressed nothing but trouble.  

“It’s a deal, then.”  

[thececeverse]

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ NAMIE AT WATERBOMB 2024 ... !

The industry's pretty girl finally made her Waterbomb debut! After four years of being one of SM's most successful solo acts, she finally made her long-awaited appearance at the hottest festival of the summer, and like everything Namie does, her set was gold! She had previously said herself that she didn't want to perform at Waterbomb as a soloist until she had enough summer hits, and after releasing the song of the summer this year, she undoubtedly made a splash. So, let's go over what happened, shall we?

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ ( WHAT SHE WORE ... ! )

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ ( THE SETLIST … ! )

WHY DON’T YOU KNOW

OPENING MENT … !

BUBBLEGUM

BLUE CHAMPAGNE

KNOCK

INTERMISSION … !

HEY GIRL

NO. 1

HIGH ROLLER

I’M NOT COOL

OBSESSED

BE MY BABY (LOVEY DOVEY)

CLOSING MENT … !

CUTIE HONEY

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ ( WHAT WENT DOWN … ! )

She's finally here, y'all! Namie's at Waterbomb! We did it!

Namie nation was so pissed every time she didn't go for the last two years, but once SM announced that she'd be going, it was all sunshine and rainbows for the first time since 2022!

She reached the peak of her fame (again) this year, so she and the rest of Pink Marmalade were trending like hell!

Namie has always had quite a lot of creative control over her solo work, and it was obvious here! She was so involved when it came to her styling for the festival (because of course she was), and she went full Y2K! She was taking inspiration from Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Ciara... like in the weeks leading up to Waterbomb she was quite literally making whole moodboards. Like, girl, it was serious.

And speaking of styling, let's get into those boots! No one knows how Namie's stylist even sourced those, but somehow it happened. They were truly the cutest thing that any idol has ever worn to Waterbomb, and "HER BOOTS" was trending for hours. So many people were attempting to find them, and Depop crashed a couple times as a result... oops!

Her Versace bikini top was also quite the hot topic! Like, fashion icon we know this already!

Aside from that, Namie's setlist was insane. She literally had all of her hits, all of the summer bops... but a good chunk of her fans were wondering where her debut singles were. And surprise, surprise, it wasn't SM behind the lack of debut era Namie.

It was Namie herself, actually. 😭

She didn't want any of her debut work on her setlist because not only did she kind of outgrow that (she's 24, y'all, come on), but those tracks really didn't fit the whole vibe of the festival. And yeah she's definitely right, but the people would've loved to hear just a wee bit of "Heart Attack," Namie!

But my God her set was incredible. She was smiling the whole time, interacting with the crowd like they were her best friends, and dancing like SM's lights were hours away from getting shut off. Like she bodied the choreography for "I'm Not Cool" like we all knew she would!

And the way she threw her hat once the chorus started... mothering.

For some reason, no one expected Namie to perform "Hey Girl" or "No. 1," but she did! Those are two of her biggest hits, and the crowd couldn't be happier!

At the time of her set, "Obsessed" was literally an unreleased song. And it was fully in English. No one in her crowd knew the words because it wasn't even on streaming services yet and it came out of nowhere, but it sounded good! It was a hit! Everyone loved it!

"NEW SONG" started trending on Twitter the second it started playing lol.

She sang one of her Japanese b-sides, too, which was also a pleasant surprise! And since the song was so long, everyone thought that was it, and then Namie and her cheeky self went "I have a surprise for you guys" right after her ending ment... as if there weren't enough surprises already!

And then "Cutie Honey" started playing... everyone cheered!

Namie is always so expressive every time she performs this song, and it was no exception here! She was up there acting like she was about to win an Oscar and making full use of that stage.

And the best part of all? Right before the first verse started, Namie took off her cute little tube top and quite literally flung it into the crowd! The way the crowd got so loud.

Whoever caught it (either accidentally or on purpose) didn't get to keep it, though lol.

Namie was all over the water guns, too. She shot at the crowd, at her dancers, and she even shot at the rest of Pink Marmalade because of course, they were front and center for their leader! But Jasmine did not appreciate that one-sided water gun fight one bit like for some reason she got hit the most!

And guess who was also in the crowd? Venus! Namie spotted them and waved like her hand was about to fall off like... leader of Constellation nation I fear lol.

After Namie's set of course the girls had to hit the festival circuit themselves! They saw Hyo, Nayeon, Taemin, Hwasa, Kiss of Life... like they got to see all of their faves!

They took so many pictures and filmed so many TikToks, and Waterbomb was essentially just a Sixteen girls reunion! Like Natty, Nayeon, and Namie were all in one room together after nine years!

All in all, Namie was one of the It girls of Waterbomb. She had a great time, #NAMIE_AT_WATERBOMB was trending for a full day, and a fancam of her performing "Cutie Honey" went viral with over nearly 3 million views on Twitter. We love that for her! ˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

ocs mentioned ... ! — venus (@venusvity) ♡

[therk900]

💞August TC Challenge (Day 1-31) 💞

1. Name three words that always reminds you of your tc. B: the letter B, blue, english S: Italian, tall, gentle

2. Do you go to school at the moment (summer break)? Have you graduated? If not, when will you go to school again? Do you know when/whether you will see your tc again? I go to school at the moment, yes. I may see B today or tomorrow. I am not sure when I will see S again. Maybe tomorrow as well

3. What happened in the last dream with your tc in it? S: I Was sleeping with S, cuddling him while watching a movie. the next day, i was his teaching assistant B: Out for dinner at a fancy restaurant! We then went to his place and slept together!!

4. Would you describe him/her as a crush or love? maybe a crush

5. Finish the sentence “Having a tc is…” ...The best feeling ever

6. Do you remember when you first dreamed about him/her? (What happened in that dream?) It happened a long time ago so sadly no

7. Did he/she ever do something that made you think: “What? You are able to do this?” (I hope you understand what I mean ^^) Not yet

8. The colour that reminds you of your tc? How does this colour relate to him/her? Blue reminds me of B since he has this jumper that he wears that is blue Green for S because of a similar reason 

9. Please describe his/her character and if you want to, his/her teaching style. S is happy, full of energy and can hold a conversation with you for hours. B is humble about things and is here helpful! He is also very creative like S

10. When you think about him/her, do you think about *his/her first name* or about *Mr./Ms./Mrs. …*? Their nicknames I kind of made for them

11. Finish the sentence “My tc is my…” reason to go to school

12. Tell us about your weirdest dream you had with your tc in it. S and I were on a date, and we saw another teacher we knew run into the store that we were in. The teacher then yelled “WHERE ARE THEY?” And I said “there are these instead!” He then ran over to me, thanked me, and walked out like nothing happened

13. Name a line/lyric part from a song that just fits perfect to your tc situation. B: Powerful - Major Laser, Ellie Goulding and Tarrus Riley Line: “The stroke of your fingers The scent of your lingers My mind running wild The thoughts of your smile Oh, you gotta give me some” S: Forth of July - Sufjan Stevens  Line: “And I'm sorry I left, but it was for the best Though it never felt right”

14. Your favourite song/soundtrack when it comes up to your tc? Encanto??? Idk

15. If you were able to dress your tc, what would you let them wear? Suits for both of them!!! I’ve wanted to know what S would look like in a suit! I’ve already seen B in one and he looked good

16. What was the first thought you ever had about your tc? Can’t remember really, which is sad

17. How long does he/she now teach on your school? How long do you know him/her or have him/her in a class? S has taught for 2 years and 3/4 and I had 1 class with him during lockdown. B has taught for 1 year and 3/4 and I had 2 classes with him last year and 1 this year. 

18. Tell us one random thing that happened with your tc and that you’ll never forget. S witnessing me fall over and B complimenting my drawings!

19. Standard: What does he/she teach? Bonus: If it’s just one subject: What else do you think should he/she teach? If it are two subjects: Which one does he/she teach you? If you have to choose one, in which one would you rather like to get taught by him/her? S teaches Science and Italian. He taught me Italian. B teaches English and he looks like a teacher that would teach Humanities.

20. Did you like the subject that he/she teaches you before he/she began to teach you in this class? Or did he/she arouse interest for you in their class? I liked the subjects that they taught me! 

21. Would you say your tc is the hottest teacher in your school?  Definitely! They are both hot! B with messy hair just sends me flying each time!

22. If you were able to tell your tc about everything without getting into trouble with your school, would you do it? Would you tell him/her the whole truth? Maybe. It depends

23. Name an object that always reminds you of your tc. S: anything to do with science  B: a book about a play

24. Ever had a crush on a celebrity, older than you, before or beside your tc? (On who was it?) Yes. I currently like Booboo Stewart. Especially when he played Jay from Descendants! (My sister is a descendants fan so that's how i got to know about him)

25. Is there a teacher you love in a different way than your tc? Not really

26. Do you know his/her handwriting? Do you like it? (If you want to and if it’s okay for you, post a pic of something your tc has written, for example in your folder etc.) I know both of their handwriting! It’s both really good! i may post it here when this month is done

27. Tell us about one funny thing he/she has done while you were NOT in class! I am not sure if they did anything. 

28. Would you say your tc is a good teacher? Do you like his/her teaching style? Of corse!

29. Ever met your tc privately? Or saw him/her outside of school? Well, kind of in a sense. We have met both of them in their offices lots of times, if that counts

30. Does somebody around you know about your feelings for him/her? This isn’t surprising, but yes. my friend knows i like them

31. If your tc is/was teaching you, how long has it took you to realise you have feelings for him/her? If he/she is not, how long did you just saw him/her in the halls until you realised you have feelings for him/her? For B, It took me half a year, and for S, it took around a year and a half

[thirstystarkey]

SUMMER FAMILY GATHERINGS • RAFE CAMERON

Prompt: It is the hottest day at Outer Banks and Y/N’s family has a tradition of gathering with the Cameron’s for a sunday lunch, but this time Y/N wants something more than just dessert.

Warnings: This is is pure filth, can’t help myself but to thirst over Rafe.

“We’re going to be late Y/N!” Y/N hears her mom scream from downstairs which earns her a loud sign. Today was one of the hottest day at Outer Banks and Y/N wasn’t really in the mood for a long lunch that probably would end up lasting the whole day at the Cameron’s house, even if she had Sarah to chat and Rafe to mess with.

“I’m coming!” The girl warned running down the stairs in a purple summer dress who fell short at her thighs, most of the days her mom would talk back at her choice of clothing but since it was boiling outside she let it skip.

The car ride was rather quick and in a few minutes they arrived, greeted by Rose and Wheezie, the younger sister.

“You look beautiful as always!” Rose complemented sweetly. “Sarah is outside and Rafe is in the living room.” She told Y/N.

“Thank you so much Rose, I’ll say hey to them.” Y/N smiled, walking away from the chatting adults.

Y/N made her away silently to the living room, watching Rafe from a far sitting alone looking at his phone, he was wearing his pink salmon polo and white shorts, looking hot like he always did and Y/N caught herself biting her lip and smirking at him, all alone away from their parents gaze.

“Hi, Rafe.” The words came out of her mouth extremely sweetly as she stood up in front of him. Rafe’s eyes left his screen and traced her body from her naked legs up to her face, already looking down at him with a innocent smile. This was one of the only times Y/N was taller than him.

“Look who it is, princess Y/N.” Rafe smiled placing his phone down his pocket. He was teasing her like always, trying to make Y/N crumble and give in. He leaned back into the couch watching her.

“Always so nice, aren’t you..” Y/N gibed also leaning down to him, giving him a nice view of her chest in the process. “I’m gonna say hi to Sarah, see you at the table.” Y/N had a victorious grin on her face when she heard Rafe sigh loudly. She placed a soft kiss on his cheek, dangerously close to his lips before walking away.

Once at the table Y/N debated where she should sit, in front of Rafe or next to him but he quickly decided for her, sitting next to the girl in the purple dress. Sarah was right in front of them as their parents were too.

Everything went smoothly, they talked about adult boring stuff while Rafe, Y/N and Sarah ate silently, that until Rose decided to ask Y/N about future college applications directing all the attention to her, she could feel Rafe’s eyes burning her.

“I don’t know yet. I though about going to New York and start fresh.” Y/N smiled at Rose. “Clean slate.” She looked at Rafe, on porpose.

“Are you trying to run away from something?” He asked mocking her.

“Should I?” Y/N sassed back.

“You should take me with you before I drown him.” Sarah laughed and Y/N thanked god for it.

“Makes two of us!” Wheezie said.

Eventually the conversation took another turn and Y/N relaxed in her chair, talking softly with Sarah about John B and the pogue adventures she was having, thats when Y/N felt a slender touch on her inner thigh that made her choke on her water.

“You ok?” Sarah questioned without knowing the motive her friend choke.

“Y-yes.” Y/N answered quickly.

She knew Rafe was trying to get the best out of her, like he always did. Always teasing each other in public like a cruel sick joke only they understood, but never going any further than a few touched here and there, leaving the other wanting more every time.

Done with it Y/N decided today was the day she would finally win in this secret twisted game Rafe and her played in front of everyone, pretending to drop her napkin she knelt to catch it, making sure Rafe’s eyes were glued on her movements, she made sure he saw how close her breath was to his crotch as she reached for the fabric. The whole thing ended in seconds but to him it kept playing in his head over and over, letting his mind wonder about how’d feel having Y/N suck him off.

“Stop it.” He whispered, his hot breath hiting her skin, as he gripped tightly on her elbow.

“I’m not doing anything.” Y/N looked through her eyelashes at him, playing innocent.

“Fuck you.” Rafe whispered annoyed, feeling his shorts tighten around his painful boner.

“Why don’t you fuck me isntead?” Y/N dared winking, discretely at Rafe.

“N-now?” He asked looking at her and back at their families.

“Do you got something better to do?” Y/N said crossing her arms.

“You know what, I should show Y/N the pictures I took on my trip to New York last year.” Rafe turned to the adults with a slight friendly smile, still squeezing Y/N thigh under the table.

“That’s a good idea, we’ll call you guys back when dessert is served.” Ward agreed and Rafe was fast to get up along with Y/N.

Y/N could feel her arousal already making his presence as Rafe’s strong and eager grip on her arm pulled her into his room. Once safe from everyone’s eyes, in his room the green eyed boy locked his door but did nothing about his open balcony, directly above where his parents and hers talked and finished lunch.

“You love acting like a little slut around people don’t you?” He said griping her cheeks, making Y/N face him.

“You love it, admit it already” Y/N spoke, teasing him.

“Oh baby I fucking love it, I don’t think I’ve ever been this hard.”

And with that he pushed her down his bed, ghosting over her body until Y/N turned him over as he rested his back against the bed frame, she sat in his lap, each leg on each side of his hips, due to the lack of clothes her core was directly placed on top of his growing boner, making Y/N whine silently at the friction he created teasing her, slowly rolling his hips up.

“You know what purple usually means?” Rafe smirked maliciously as he dragged the thin straps of her dress down her shoulders, brushing his lips slightly over her hot skin, almost kissing it. Y/N was impatient moving around her hips trying to get more. “It usually means sexual frustration baby girl.” He teased Y/N to her breaking point, tracing his fingers underneath her dress until he got a strong grip of her ass, leaving his handprints on her skin for sure. “Do I leave you frustrated Y/N?” He asked pulling the girl closer, making her moan in the process, as he whispered against her neck sucking softly underneath her ear lobe.

“Yes Rafe.” The words came out shaky from her mouth. “Please do something, touch me Rafe.” Y/N begged sweetly looking into his eyes. Both full of need and desire.

“Frustrated enough that you touch yourself thinking about me and everything you want me to do you you, all the nastiest dirtiest things you wish happened every time I tease you?” His voice was so low Y/N could feel the vibrations down her spine making her ache for more.

“Fuck, Rafe.” Y/N whined hiding her head in the crook of his neck but Rafe was quick enough to pull her hair back making the young woman look into his eyes. He was loving everything about teasing Y/N.

“I asked you a question, I demand an answer sweetheart.” He order, like he usually did, playing with her, avoiding every place she craved him to touch.

“Yes Rafe, frustrated enough like that.” Y/N admited with a loud moan but Rafe placed his hand over her mouth to silence them.

“As much as I’d love to hear you scream my name you’ll need to be quiet, you wouldn’t want our dear families to hear you scream like a whore for me, now would you?” His words were enough to leave her dripping wet, she nodded slowly. “Good girl.” Rafe winked at her.

He pulled his hand away from her mouth and almost instantly his lips collided harshly with hers, touch fighting for dominance which Rafe quickly won since he had her wrapped around her finger. He got up with Y/N wrapped around his waist and walked clumsy to his desk, get rid of the papers on top of it that ended up flying everywhere.

Y/N purple dress now pooked at her waist left her completely on show for him, her pink lace panties already glistening in the light that came through the white curtains. Rafe knelt in front of her, pulling by her thighs to the edge of the table, her legs spread unable to close them to get some friction to please her made Y/N body shiver.

“Look at you princess, so wet and I barely touched you.” Rafe whispered in a low moan almost to himself, as he dragged carefully her panties down her legs, making sure to keep them in this back pocket. “I’m gonna eat you out and you’ll be the good girl you are and won’t make a noise, got it?” He asked kissing her thighs, surely leaving a trail of hickeys behind.

“Y-yes.” Y/N closed her eyes shut once she felt Rafe index finger touch her, spreading evenly her wetness all over. Her natural instinct was to moan but she knew she couldn’t so she bit her lip and griped the desk beneath her.

Rafe looked at her as he slowly draw circle figures on her clit, which made her back arch and her hips move forward trying to get more. He got the message and decided to give it to her, slipping in his index finger as he brought his mouth close to her clit, painfully licking it.

Y/N head was spinning with all the pleasure, suddenly the table wasn’t enough to her so she moved her hand down to Rafe’s hair pulling on it as she moved his head closer to her. He moaned on her core due to his hair being pulled, enjoying the sensation. Her eyes full with tears with all the overstimulation opened to look at him, he looked extremely hot and beautiful so much that she whined extremely low at the sight making Rafe add his middle finger inside her, scissoring them inside her getting a nice feel of her hot tight velvety walls. It was enough for her, his fingers brought her over the edge quickly, the pleasure and the stinging pain of being stretched out with the slow movements of his tongue over her swollen clit made Y/N cum hard on his fingers, he felt it, his tight her walls clenched his fingers, it made his cock twist in his shorts.

“Such a good girl.” He breathed over her sensitive pussy, as he licked her clean but Y/N small hand quickly pushed him away. “That sensitive?” Rafe asked cockily, standing up. She nodded watching him.

“I still want your cock though.” She bluntly confessed, not caring anymore about how dirty her words sounded.

“Can you handle it?” He laughed lowly picking her up again. Bringing the both of them to the bed.

“Please Rafe.” Y/N begged over his lips.

That was enough for him. Even if he dreamed of having her pretty lips wrapped around his cock as she choked on it he knew they probably didn’t have enough time for everything so with that Rafe made sure Y/N fell into his bed on her knees, he parted her legs easily and undid his belt, dropping his boxers along with his shorts down his ankles. He bit his lip so hard he thought it would bleed with the sight of having Y/N so vulnerable and needy in front of him. She looked to hot to him like his, he wanted to photograph the image forever in his memory. His cock slowly teasing her entrance with the tip made Y/N grip down on the sheets. He slipped inside her so easily it made him moan low at the feeling. Y/N arms became limp but before she fell more Rafe pulled her back against his chest, holding her up against him with one arm around her shoulders, her hot breath hitting his jawline along with how tight her pussy was clenching his cock made Rafe want to scream dirty profanities.

“Can I move?” He asked in a more sweet voice, making sure she wasn’t in pain.

“Yes.” Her voice was so raspy and low that if Rafe wasn’t so close to her he wouldn’t be able to hear her.

“Fuck princess, you’re taking me so well.” He praised her grinding his hips against hers, Y/N could feel him so deep inside her it should be a sin. “You feel so fucking good.”

“Fuck, f-fuck m-me please.” Y/N threw her head over his shoulder closing her eyes as his arm moved close to her throat.

“I’ve waited so long to hear those words leave your pretty mouth.” His voice drove shivers down her spine driving her closer and closer to her second orgasm.

Rafe’s right hand snaked down her body, giving some attention to her covered breasts before he moved them lower to her painfully sensite clit, moving his calloused digits against the bundle of nerves.

“I’m so close.” Y/N said feeling her whole body shake.

“Wait for me.” Rafe whimpered snapping his hips harshly against hers. The loud laughter from outside covering most of the sounds.

“I can’t, please-” She was so lost in his touch she couldn’t finish a coherent phrase.

“You won’t cum unless I say so fucking brat” Rafe’s words along with his cock inside her applying enough pressure against her g-spot made Y/N tighten around his thick shaft.

“Please daddy.” It slipped out of her mouth so easily and naturally that Rafe almost came. It changed everything.

“Yeah, you want daddy to let you cum, beg like the little whore you are then.” He said directly her ear, tighting his arm around her throat.

“Please let me cum daddy, I’ve been so good to you, please daddy, fuck, let me cum. I need it so bad.” Even if her words were dirty it came out of her mouth so sweet Rafe swore he could melt.

“Fuck I’m not wearing a condom.” He remembered all of a sudden. But he couldn’t pull out.

“It’s okay, I’m on the pill.” Y/N reassured him, gripping on his arm. “Please daddy.” She turned her face to look at him.

He kissed her trying to keep both of them quiet at he came undone inside her, filling her with his hot creamy load. Y/N’s shook as she came around his cock. Rafe stayed inside her for a few minutes grinding ever so slowly riding both of their highs before pulling out and dressing back his boxers along with his white shorts.

They both fell into the bed, to tired to even move. Rafe pulled her dress back into place as he moved her leg over his waist cuddling her. His lips found their way back to hers, getting lost in a passionate long open mouthed kiss. His hands pulled her close to his body keeping her there while her hands kept playing with his messy hair. The whole room smelled like them, expensive cologne with mint and sex.

A loud knock on the door got their attention, it was Rafe’s dad warning them about the dessert like he said he would.

“Dessert’s served guys, we’re waiting come on!” He said on the other said of the door making Y/N’s cheeks heat up.

“We’ll go down in a moment. Thanks dad!” Rafe said loud enough for his dad to hear and Y/N hid her head on his neck.

He kissed her on more time before getting up, pulling her up as well. Quickly fixing his messy hair.

“You have something that’s mine.” Y/N said, referring to the panties he kept on his back pocket.

“I do and I’ll keep them until I please babe.” He winked at Y/N.

Once they were back on the table Y/N felt hot and bothered again when Rafe’s slender touch began to tease her again, brushing over her arms and her back or even the inside of her thighs, tracing the hickeys he left on her skin as he talked to her father. She felt so dirty with their secret yet so powerful.

“So, did you liked to pictures?” Rose asked innocently bitting into her cake slice.

“Y-yes, very lovely.” Y/N smiled.

“Oh Rose, you have no idea how much she enjoyed my stories. I might even take her with me next time.” Rafe said looking at Y/N with a dangerously beautiful smile.

[urmomsmainbitch]

american idiot - chapter one

link to wattpad story // link to series masterlist // link to writing

word count: 2.7k

warnings: the bowers gang, weapons, violence, basically the whole thing (if you're not comfortable with violence or abuse -- which henry faces during the movies and during the book -- then i recommend you don't read, but i'll try to tag appropriately!)

a/n: i hope you don't think it's ass but this is probably going to come out every other friday or so but this is more of a trailer than the start of the actual series

HENRY DIDN'T REMEMBER a better time in his life than when he heard the news that Tommy 'Gun' Lee was coming back to Derry for the summer. To him, nothing topped the moment where is dad was slurring over his dinner (leftover hot dogs -- again), and let it slip that the "ungrateful little bitch" was coming back for a few months over the summer, and that "your whore of a mother" didn't mention if she was staying for the year or not.

He remembered huffing and puffing, grumbling something under his breath before excusing himself, and running to call Patrick like it was fucking Christmas morning.

Something about his darling little sister coming back made his heart race and a smile light up his face, and it was evident from the way he stepped into Derry Middle on the last day of school.

Oh, this summer would be perfect! His deal with Denbrough was over, the gang was all together, and his perfect sister was coming back from San Diego for the summer. Tommy Lee Bowers, he knew, would make this the best summer he;d ever had -- and by fucking God, he wasn't going to let anything stand in his way. Not that stuttering freak or the stupid Tozier kid who's mouth ran a mile a minute or his father's thriving alcohol addiction -- absolutely nothing.

His Tommy Gun would rule that fucking school the second she stepped in to pick him up, and every one knew it.

Word travels fast at Derry Middle, and when it got around that Bowers had a little sister coming, the first thing Bill Denbrough did was panic.

She couldn't be too different, could she?

The same blood ran through their veins, the same color skin on their bones, and most likely, the permanently upturned smirk tattooed to their lips. His hopes didn't improve when he saw the girl himself, waiting outside on the hood of Butch's car, throwing rocks at little kids passing by as she sat patiently for Henry to come outside.

He'd promised her a tour of the school -- it's only fair, he put it, that a queen knows her kingdom before taking it over. Henry had no doubt that Tommy would run the school when it was her time in September. A grade below Tits and the rest of his ugly friends, it would be more embarrassing than anything else to watch them suffer socially at the hands of a twelve year old girl.

(Henry very much looked forward to that moment. So much so, in fact, that he near goddamn skipped his way to the front of the school to open the door so they could start the tour. It helped that he was getting out of math class.)

It was only in the few moments before she walked in the door (immediately claiming the whole goddamn building with a footstep) that Bowers caught him by the bag and dragged him into the bathroom, away from the rest of the kids, and most likely, where he'd lay dying for the rest of the school day and foreseeable future (Stanley refused to shit in the school bathrooms, and seeing as he was the only one on this side of the building, he was screwed.).

Bill had never liked being alone with Henry Bowers. Nothing good ever came out of it, and he didn't want to stick around this time to find out why he'd been pulled into a bathroom and away from the rest of the student population. Henry let go of Bill's bag, letting him stumble around for a second or two before straightening up and backing him up against the wall.

"W-what d-d-do you w-want, B-Bowers?" Bill nearly spat, looking the older boy in the eyes. Henry's permanent smirk seemed to grow a few inches on either side, because he just chuckled softly -- albeit cruelly -- and looked down at the Denbrough boy. Bill could smell his breath, even though the two weren't standing particularly close to one another.

"Well, B-b-billy," he mocked, nearly laughing as he relaxed his posture a little bit and backed away from him. (Any one is passing who didn't know them might have said, "Hey, I bet those two boys are damn good friends.") "I have some news for you and your group of stupid fucking friends, and let me tell you" -- Henry stopped to laugh for a second, like he was cracking himself up -- "it's going to make your life a living hell."

Bill gulped. He didn't think, realistically, it could get much worse.

"You got a free ride this year because of your little brother," Henry reminded, smiling a little bit, seeming genuine. "But the ride's over Denbrough. This summer is going to be the worst summer of your entire life."

(Bill didn't expect him to say anything else -- but honestly, every summer was the worst summer of his entire life. He didn't catch a break from the older boy and his group of goons, but there was a feeling down in the pits of his stomach that told him that this time, this time, for real, was going to be the worst summer vacation he's ever going to have as long as he lives.)

"But I do have a little piece of extra advice I'm gonna give you."

Bill huffed. "You're so generous," he started, rolling his eyes, as he tried to walk out of the bathroom. Henry grabbed onto his backpack, "but I think I'll have to pass with this one."

He was cut off as Bowers kicked him on shin and onto the cold bathroom tiles. So much for being brave.

"I think you might want to hear this." Henry squatted down to look Bill in the eyes. There was still a hint of a smile on his face. Boy, this is gonna be good. "If you think I'm a pain in your ass--"

"I d-do think you're a p-pain in m-my a-ass."

Henry paused for a second, sending a menacing smile, and pushed him back on the ground as he got up and stepped over the boy on the floor, before beginning to make his way out of the bathroom before looking back, before lending Bill a hand to get up. He hesitantly took it and brushed off his pants, lips pressed tightly together as he looked at Henry. "Then you're gonna hate the girl sitting on Belch's car."

"Why's that?" Bill asked, feigning confidence, already knowing the answer. Henry could tell, just exhaling and giving him a big mischievous smile, hands behind his back.

"Not important, but she's not gonna be as nice as I am," he said with a grin, "but I'm just looking out for you, Billy Boy. Wouldn't want Tommy Gun to whip your ass without some working, right?"

With that, Henry left the bathroom, a smile plastered on his face as he went to greet his sister, and Bill raced out of there like his ass was on fire -- warning Richie not to talk to or about the pretty girl sitting on Belch's car.

-- -- --

"Best feeling ever!" Stan groaned, grinning ear to ear as he dumped out everything from his backpack. School had finally let out for the summer — no more stupid math classes or dumb reading assignments and annoying history tests, just Stanley and his bird book for three whole months.

A piece of his own personal heaven. Points if the pretty girl on Belch's hood was with him but hey, he wasn't picky.

"Really?" Richie asked with a grin on his face, "Try tickling your pickle for the first time." Eddie rolled his eyes, but Bill smiled. Stan let out another groan -- not a good one, this time -- even though, if he had to be honest, this seemed like it would be the best summer of his whole entire life.

Richie felt it too, if he were going to tell the truth (as he so rarely did -- or at times, so bluntly did), that this felt like it was going to the be the absolutely best summer he would have for the rest of his life. He had a whole checklist and everything for things he wanted to do (kiss some girls), things he wanted to see (some girls' boobs), and things he wanted to experience (there were a number of interesting things on this list).

And quite frankly, he felt as though every single thing on every one of his lists could be accomplished with the girl sitting on Belch Huggins' car hood, smiling mischievously as she watched the kids coming out of school.

God, did she really and truly look like an angel. Deep brown hair, straight in some parts and wavy in others, came down a little bit past her collarbone (not super cared for, but neither was his), cherry red lips, and a cute line of freckles going across the bridge of her nose. She was the most impressive tan he'd ever seen in his whole life, a very deep beige from the summer sun — even though it was only June.

The top part was being held up by some clip, and Richie could see his own Hawaiian shirt going over her tank top instead of the open button down she was wearing on top. It was lazy looking and careless and little bit disheveled, but that day, Richard Wentworth Tozier II was convinced he saw the hottest girl to ever be created.

Eddie interrupted his dream, snapping him back for only a second. "So what do you guys want to do tomorrow?"

"I start my training," Richie responded immediately.

"Training for what?"

"Street Fighter."

"You're going to spend your whole summer inside of an arcade?" Eddie couldn't imagine that prospect, but with Richie, anything was possibly -- no matter how disgusting it might seem.

"Beats spending it inside of your mother, oh!" Richie's goofy grin came back in an instant and leaned over for a high five from Bill when his hand was brought down by Stan. "And, 'course, my summer bucket list."

Eddie sent him a pity glance, "No girl's gonna let you fuck her this summer, Richie. If they have any brains at all, no girl is going to let you go within a ten foot radius of her without realizing what she's doing." Richie pressed his lips together. Of course Eddie would be cynical, it's just because — "and don't tell me that I think it because I just haven't hit puberty yet!"

Richie gave him a toothy grin, "Aw, shucks, Eddie Spaghetti, you know me so well. When you see a pretty girl, like say, that one over there—" he pointed discreetly towards the girl on the hood —"you'll get that feeling of butterflies in your stomach and just think, 'Wow, I've just seen an angel.' I don't mean Bowers, I just-"

"Yeah, you mean his little sister." Eddie looked up to Richie for a response, only to see him at a loss for words, jaw dropping and face paling.

For once, Richie Tozier was speechless as Eddie laughed and slapped his back as Bill mentioned something about the Barrens and Georgie and finding him — even though everybody had long accepted the fact that Georgie wasn't just missing.

It was like a switch. Everything changed in that instant. It was like she grew fangs and claws, and he watched Patrick look at her like she hung the fucking moon. It was incredibly painful, but he assumed, in a sense, they deserved each other. It took a second before he realized what this would actually mean for him: having to worry about a double in the hallways — a hot double that could potentially fool him into forgetting her Bowers-ness — and someone else to make fun of him in ways that he'd never tjough imaginable.

Sure, Bowers wasn't awfully bright, but he sure as hell was creative when it came down to it.

"Gunner!" Richie heard Bowers (the boy one) laugh as she shoved him in the side, cackling along herself, cigarette never leaving her mouth — opting just to talk out of the side of it.

Oh, so her name must have been Gunner. That's unfortunate, he thought to himself. But then again, she seems awful, so maybe she just deserves it. He smiled to himself. "Tommy Lee, we've gotta start heading out soon."

Wait, so was it Tommy Lee? Or was it Gunner? Was that just the gang's nickname for her? More importantly, if it was, why the fuck would they choose a name like Gunner for her? Nothing was settling about that fact, and although Richie wasn't typically one to spiral, it was hard to control himself.

"You didn't tell me you had friends, Henny!" Tommy exclaimed girlishly, making Patrick spit out his sofa and slam his hand on the car hood, flicking out her cigarette and letting Patrick snuff it out. She put a hand on her heart. "Oh, you've grown up so fast! I remember it was just yesterday you took a massive shit in that kids backpack and had to do forty hours of community service!"

Richie could tolerate a lot of things. One thing he couldn't tolerate though, was not being able to chime in when his story was being used and told all wrong — or mentioned without his name. Luckily, he was spared his intervention by a howling Belch Huggins.

"It was four eyes!" Huggins nearly screamed, warning a howling laugh from Tommy and shove from Victor, followed by a point led by Patrick. "Yeah, him!"

Richie could feel his face heating up, but before he could say anything, the bright blue TransAM was firing up the engine, and was getting ready to peel out of the school parking lot like a man man was driving.

Bill was the first to say anything. "Sorry about that, Rich. Bowers is a real asshole."

"So is his sister," he made out through his teeth.

Richie saw himself as a 'go with the flow' kind of guy, but goddamn it, he wasn't going to let Tommy Lee shit all over him and get away with it.

He was too stubborn, too arrogant, and too proud to let that happen, but with only a second or two of knowing she existed, he knew she was the exact same way. He could get tell it with the way she walked and talker and immediately took control of some of the scariest kids in Derry Middle.

But she wouldn't come out on top of this one.

There's no way. He refused to let it happen. Letting her win would show everyone else that he was just a loser who couldn't stand up to a girl who's was going to beat the living daylights out of him if he looked at her the wrong way.

She already had Henry and Patrick and Belch on her side — an even, if not better, match to four decently sized seventh graders. There was no excuse for them to get beat.

Grinding his teeth and tearing his eyes away from her, laughing mischievous and almost secretly as she put her cigarette out on Belch's hood as not to be noticed by he coo around the corner (Rich didn't know that the cop around the corner was her father who would beat her till she couldn't stand if he caught her smoking) he said, "So, Barrens tomorrow, right Bill?"

And right as Tommy Lee Bowers and her newfound gang pulled out of the parking lot, she and Richie Tozier locked eyes and made a silent pact — an agreement — something they both agreed on — something he'd be thinking about all night and the whole next morning:

Derry is two small for the two of us.

[ciggylungz]

Summer Bummer

y/n x harry pairing

summary- y/n and Harry are part of a cast of a reality show called ‘summer bummer’ that’s a uk version of the jersey shore and things are chaotic

(hoping if it’s received well it can become a series, tbh I’ve been rewatching jersey shore and I stan snooki and pauly’s friendship)

2.8k words

 _

  The first thing that Y/n was hit with when she walked into the large mansion was booze, a giant whiff of it as she entered the doors trying not to react too much since the cameras were already following her around and she didn’t want to risk any horrid screenshots on twitter when the episode aired.

“woah, swear I could get wasted just smelling this place…” she giggled to herself as she made her way to the kitchen where she heard people who she assumed were her new roommates chatting.

“Oi! Hey love! Welcome.” The first person to welcome her was a tall tanned guy with a pretty strong posh-ish accent, big muscles and obvious over grooming, he seemed a bit full of himself just by how he looked. Y/n internally laughed as the guy hugged her calling him a ‘wanker’ in her brain.

“Hi! I’m Y/n, what’s your name?”

“Tommy, here I’ll take your bags. Take a load off sweetheart, everyone’s cool don’t look so nervous.”

Y/n was in physical pain from how badly she wanted to roll her eyes at this kids cocky and terribly flirty aggression, he wasn’t her type at-fucking-all. He looked like a guy who would cat call her when she’s out buying groceries, a hard pass on that one.

But- she managed to hold back and focus her energy on the other people all mingling in the kitchen. She counted 7, seemed like 4 girls- herself included- and 3 guys which means there was one person left to show up since she was told by producers ahead of time there were 8 cast members in total.

She introduced herself to her fellow cast mates who she learned were named Mandy, Kaitlyn, Selena, Ryan, Casey and of course the dreaded Tommy who was now looming over her again, topping off her basically full cup of vodka and red bull without asking her, and giving her a wink that made her want to vomit from cringing so hard.

Finally, the door opened again revealing the final person, who had all eyes on him as he closed the door behind him and set his luggage down, giving everyone a smile and making his way over.

Y/n let herself slyly size the man up. He looked to be about 22, long hair with a nice body to it with some curls, green eyes, dimples- he was cute. Plus he was at least a foot taller than her which was always a plus, she has always had a thing for tall guys.

The man greeted everyone, introducing himself as ‘Harry’ and Y/n smiled as he ducked down to hug her and politely kiss her on the cheek as he greeted her, asking for her name making polite conversation with everyone while they tried their best to ignore the-what seemed to be- millions of cameras surrounding them. The crew had left the house for the time being but the house was covered in cameras in pretty much every corner, on every wall- even outside.

It was a bit unnerving to the girl, she wasn’t used to being on camera and she was a bit worried about if she looked alright. She was one of the youngest in the house, freshly 19- a year over legal drinking age in England and when she saw the ad for casting of a summer reality show, she thought ‘fuck it, im young and hot and I wanna get wasted. If someone wants to pay me to do it, all the better!’ and she took the risk, auditioning and thankfully getting her spot on the new show.

__

 It was around 8 in the evening when everyone sat down for their first dinner together, opting to make a simple meal of pasta and some nice finger foods as well since they were going out to a club tonight and the last thing she wanted was to get sloppy drunk her first night and puke all over herself in front of her new roommates. She wanted to at least have a chance to make a good impression.

They all seemed to get along great, besides Tommy who was still creeping on Y/n trying to flirt and being a total tool even when she was just trying to enjoy her dinner, making conversation with everyone. She of course gave him nothing in return making it pretty obvious she wasn’t interested and seeing as this kid was such a cocky little bastard he seemed to get butthurt over her cold shoulder. He was used to getting any girl he wanted back home, since ‘apparently there they have no taste or standards’ is what she thought to herself as she finished off her food and helped the rest of the group wash up the dishes leaving the pouting man child to sulk at the table while everyone else ignored him.

 “alright guys, I think we should all chill for a while then start getting ready to go to Headliners and we should leave at like 12 since clubs usually busiest from 1-5am and I’m not trying to have a lame night. Sound like a plan?” Selena cupped her hands around her mouth as she spoke to everyone making sure they all could hear her, getting approval from everyone before smiling and making her way to her room.

__

 Y/n was sitting on her bedroom floor using the full-length mirror to do her hair and makeup as she sat in her robe, her dress and heels already picked out and laid on her twin sized bed. All the girls were chatting among themselves as they groomed themselves and glammed themselves up. They were fucking hot and they knew it, making sure to highlight their beauty with the clothes that would probably burst into flames if they were worn in a church and heels as high as they could handle.

The girls went into a frenzy rushing around when they heard Ryan yell up the stairs that they were leaving in 30 minutes, all of them scrambling to get the skin tight dresses onto their bodies making sure they sprayed themselves with some deodorant and perfume since they fully planned to fool around tonight and BO from dancing your ass off in a club isn’t exactly an aphrodisiac.

All of the guys heads turned towards the stairs as the girls rushed down them, their heels loud on the wooden steps making it sound like a heard of elephants was rushing through the house but they didn’t care.

“Christ…look fucking good girls.” Casey smiled at them as he looked each one from head to toe, licking over his lips a bit as he took them in. They looked like sin personified and what’s better than that?

“Right?” Selena laughed and turned towards Y/n and Kait “Kait looks fucking hot and Y/n looks so fucking good I’m questioning if I’m bisexual now” Selena was their hype woman, even on the first day of meeting she was ready with a mouthful of compliment word vomit to spew into their ears.

Everyone laughed at her comment, Y/n smiling and smacking her roomates ass as she walked towards the door , “Sel, if I don’t find a cute guy tonight you can bring me home instead” Y/n giggled a bit as she watched all the guys eyes blow up wide at the comment, getting a few ‘can I watch’ comments from some of them which just got them an eye roll and groan from the girls.

-

Everyone piled into the cabs that were waiting for them, all excited and already a little buzzed from the pre-gaming they did before and during dinner anxious to get to the club, all of them just wanting to dance and enjoy their first night of summer. And of course, get absolutely trashed,

And so the team of young adults did just that. They made a b-line to the bar as soon as they got let in all taking a round of shots together before moving to the dance floor sipping the cups of liquor they held in their hands as they grinded and danced on whoever was near them.

Y/n was pretty wasted as she stumbled towards her group of roommates again, making a grossed out noise when she saw Kaitlyn kissing Tommy, hearing a laugh from next to her as she turned to see Harry. “poor girl, I guess being drunk does make people seem more attractive.” He commented while eyeing the younger girl getting a slight disgusted shiver from her as she thought about the guy. “he’s such a tool, I almost wanna stop her. He’s a total wanker, wouldn’t leave me alone and then pouted like a child when I wouldn’t flirt back at him. He’s got no chance, doesn’t matter how many of these I’ve had. I promise you that one.” She held her now empty cup in the air as she said it, giggling like crazy at her own words getting a lazy drunk smile from the man who joined her in the laughter.

He went to the bar with her to get both of them another refill on their drinks of choice, Y/n’s being a screwdriver and his being a rum and coke. They were both pretty wasted, but they were having fun and that’s what it was all about, plus she was almost chest to chest with the hottest guy she’s seen in a long time, in the middle of the club as they both are crammed into a corner trying to talk to each other a bit.

“Where you from love?” Harry asked her as he took another swig of his drink, looking down at the girl that he swears he’s torn between scooping her up like a baby and cuddling like a teddy bear and fucking her hard against the wall till she’s begging him to stop. She’s adorable, yet she’s just so goddamn sexy.

“Up in North London, how about you?”

“originally Holmes Chapel but live in Central London now.” He gave a smile to the girl and she returned it

“ahh London, maybe if I decide I like ya’ enough we can meet up after summer since we’re not too far from each other.” She offered with a playful poke to his stomach getting a smirk in return as he leaned down a bit to be a little closer to the girls face

“maybe we can, cmon wanna dance with me?” he held his hand out to the girl who took it, following him into the sea of people all grinding against each other to the blaring music, and Y/n wasted no time in doing the same.

Her back was to his chest as she danced on him, her heels putting her at perfect level for her ass to grind right on his crotch. They were like horny kids dirty dancing on each other, Y/n was having the fun she came here for and well, Harry was too.

When Y/n spun around in his arms she was pushed chest to chest with him by another couple who were dancing, nudging into her a bit seeing as the floor was packed with people. Harry of course took the opportunity to smoothly wrap his arm around her waist leaning down to look into her dilated pupils giving her a smirk that she gave right back to him before he leaned down to talk in her ear

“you got no idea how badly I wanna fuck your brains out right now darlin’, but I’m a gentlemen. Can’t do anything like that with a drunk girl, at least till I talk to the sober version about it first.” Harry talked in a deep voice right into her ear getting a shutter from her as her body tingled at the tone. When he pulled back he was met with a adorable pout on her pretty lips letting out a chuckle himself at her rather dramatic expression.

“that’s not fairrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, you’re so hot! And you wanna fuck me but now you’re being a tease!” she gave him her best puppy dog eyes but he just shook his head with a smile tugging on his lips, he was firm on his rule. He never wanted to hurt a girl, well unless they liked it but right now Y/n was in no state to truly decide that. Her body was swaying from how wasted she was, and he could tell by the slow speech she wouldn’t pass a basic sobriety test let alone be able to fully consent to having sex with him.

“Not tonight, maybe next time sweetheart.”

“Can we at least kiss? Snuggle?” she tugged on the collar of his shirt a little giving him her best pouty face and he couldn’t help but smile down at her giving her a nod.

“I’ll go for snuggles and kisses, but that’s all for tonight little girl.” He pointed his finger in her face jokingly scolding her getting a gentle bite on the tip of that finger before she pulled him down to kiss her.

__

It was 25 past 4 in the morning when the group of housemates stumbled their way out of the club, all completely wasted and some even having a plus one this cab ride, and Harry didn’t mind one bit as Y/n held onto him like a little lost puppy keeping a hold on his shirt sleeve the entire way home stealing kisses from him every so often.

“I’m taking the extra room tonight guys, me and my girl need some privacy.” Casey managed to slur out as the random girl-who was equally as wasted as him- tugged him towards the extra bedroom with the only full sized bed in it. Everyone besides Harry was completely fine hooking up with randoms while completely wasted, but he didn’t wanna do that to Y/n and he knew it would be wrong of him when she’s a bit drunker than he is. She was a smiley mess as she held onto the wall for support looking back at Harry who kept his hand on her lower back to keep her from falling.

“Both my roommates are getting dick right now and yours is in the guest room, and what am I getting? No penis, not even a little bit! How rude mister Harry!” she put her hands on her hips and he laughed

“ ‘m sorry, can’t offer my services up when you couldn’t even remember how to spell your own name back in the taxi love. I promised snuggles and kisses as a compromise though, did I not?” he tilted his head a bit and looked down at her raising an eyebrow as he reminded her, which didn’t help her libido since first he called her ‘little girl’ and now he’s being all stern, the guy was killing her here!

“yea yea, both my roommates are in there though, who do you share a room with?”

“just Casey, so it’ll just be us in there its only a two bed one, Ryan and Tommy share the other one.”

“Yuck, I feel bad for whatever girl Tommy is about to bang. I can tell by his attitude he has a small dick and he finishes first. I bet he even has cooties!”

She was a babbling mess as he walked her down the hall to his room, sitting her on his twin bed that’s against the farthest wall right under the window.

“He probably does have cooties, here put these on I’m gonna go take a leak and change myself.”

The older man handed Y/n one of his shirts and a pair of his boxer before grabbing his own change of clothes, helping her tug her heels off before he left her to change while he relieved himself and got ready for bed himself.

When he came back she was putting her hair into a messy bun, mumbling to herself about how bad the knots are gonna be tomorrow.

“bed time, ironically the suns about to come up but lets pretend it’s still night time.” His voice was deep and slow from his sleepiness and the booze as he spoke, getting her to scoot over so she’s on the inside of the bed, back against the pillow he had leaning against the wall so she’s more comfortable and he slid in next to her laying on his side to give her the last few kisses of the night, nibbling on her bottom lip a bit before pulling away laying on his back letting her tuck herself into his side.

‘yea’- he thinks- ‘this summers gonna be fun’

[jjoutermaybanks]

With You In My Head || Rafe Cameron x Reader

part one part two part three part four part five part six part seven part eight

summary: it’s going to be a long summer. living in the Outer Banks with your trailer park mom and fancy mansion dad, you know it’s going to be a tough three months. things only get harder when your best friend’s brother, the notorious Rafe Cameron, begins to complicate your life even more. but will the island’s biggest wildcard successfully steal your heart, or leave you more broken than before?

an: I know Rafe isn’t the best character in OBX, and this fic will definitely feature a different version of him.  I just loved Drew’s performance so much and thought that Rafe had interesting potential, so this is my portrayal of him in a different (less psychotic) way.

word count: 3k

warnings: none yet  

(but can we talk about this gif I mean dear lord this should have its own warning)

*not my gif, credit to owner*

PART ONE

It had to be one of the hottest days of the year.  The sun had been glaring down on your back for hours now, and if it wasn’t for the laborious application of sunscreen you were sure you would’ve been burnt to a crisp.  Not even the sunglasses over your eyes could shield the bright sun streaming onto the beach, and the blue ocean water glittered like diamonds under the rays.  The warm, wet sand you strolled across was a welcome relief from the blistering pathway to get onto the beach, and as the waves lapped at your ankles you let out a contented sigh.

You and Sarah Cameron, your best friend, had been at the beach all day.  Alternating between tanning, swimming, and walking, it had been the most relaxing day you could remember.  Conversation with Sarah was easy, and observing the other beach-goers was just as entertaining.  You could almost feel the stress leave your shoulders and seep into the sand at your feet, washing away with the water.  It was about time; you deserved a little rest and relaxation after such a stressful move.

“So you’re sure you don’t want to live with your dad?” Sarah asked.  “He lives so much closer to me, you know.”  You smiled at her attempt to sway you, but nothing she could’ve said would change your mind.  Recently, the messy divorce of your parents had left a sour taste in your mouth when it came to your dad.  He’d been particularly brutal to your poor mother, so the idea of joining him in his fancy Figure 8 mansion was not something you felt like doing.

Shrugging, you answered, “I want to keep my mom company, you know?  And I don’t mind the trailer--it’s cozy.”  While your dad owned a huge house with a waterfront view, your mother lived in a cramped trailer in The Cut.  You knew it meant a lot to her that you tried to make the place home.

Sarah frowned.  “Cozy, right.  Because walking two feet from the bathroom to the kitchen is “cozy.”  You sighed; Sarah would never understand.  Even though she was one of the nicest, most sincere people you’d ever met, she was a Kook after all.  She had never known anything other than her giant house, so naturally she looked down upon your trailer.  It didn’t really matter to you, though.  Sarah helped you in so many other ways, you let this one area slide.

As you walked, you noticed some dark-haired guy watching you both.  He got to his feet and jogged over, eyes glued on Sarah beside you.  Raising your brows, you held your breath in anticipation for what this would turn into.

“Hey,” the guy said, trying too hard to be smooth.  

Sarah’s smile was fake as she said, “Hey!”  You couldn’t help but chuckle; this happened a fair amount when you were with her.  Something about Sarah was mysteriously alluring, and it was like a magnet to desperate guys everywhere.  You were never jealous, because half the time the guys were pretty gross.  This one was borderline cringey, and you saw how hard he was trying to flex his entire body.

“Tired of walking?  We’ve got cold beer and a volleyball net.”  The guy put his hands on his hips, probably to accentuate his “abs”, but in reality he just looked stupid.

Snickering, you watched Sarah’s smile pinch tighter.  “Gee, what a tempting offer,” she told him, tapping her chin in mock contemplation.  “Gonna have to pass, sorry.”  Hooking an arm around my shoulder, we scurried away from the guy and giggled into our palms, glancing back a few times to see his mortified expression.

“God, what is it about you that turns men into meatheads?” you wondered aloud.  Sarah nudged you, rolling her eyes.

“It’s nothing, just guys being horndogs.”

“They’re never like that with me,” you pointed out, and she sighed.

“Come on, Y/N, you’re gorgeous.  You get your own fair share of horndogs, trust me.  Besides, being approached like that gets really old really quick.”  You shrugged, deciding to agree with her.  You certainly didn’t consider yourself unattractive, but you’d never been the girl everyone paid attention to.

You and Sarah walked about a half mile more, approaching your bags and towels up on the sand.  Three guys stood by your things, shoulders squared and smirks wide as they seemed to judge everything that moved.  The boy on the left was looking at Sarah like she’d skinned his puppy, so you guessed that one was Topper.  Sarah had told you how ugly their relationship had ended, and that Topper had yet to move on.  Clearly he was just as angry today.

Sarah groaned, storming over to her bag and snatching it out of the tallest boy’s hands.  “Rafe,” she snapped, and you recognized her brother’s name.  Rafe Cameron was rarely home when you were over at Sarah’s house, and when he was he was shut away in his room.  Seeing him up close, you noticed his sun-bleached brown hair and easy posture, the way his tan skin stretched over lean muscles.  His smirk was what put you off, though; it was twisted and arrogant, even more so than the two guys next to him.  He also had a cigarette balanced in his hand, the smoke curling around you as you wrinkled your nose.  Who smoked these days?

“Sarah,” he answered formally, giving a little bow.  “Who’s your friend?”  His blue eyes slid over your body, taking in your bathing suit and tanned skin.  You felt self-conscious under his gaze and cleared your throat, pushing your hair over your shoulder.  Rafe took a drag of the cigarette while he watched you squirm.

“I’m Y/N,” you said just as Sarah said, “What’s it to you, Rafe?”  Blushing, you bit your lip while Sarah raised a hand to tell you she had this.  “You’re not going to antagonize another one of my friends, got it?  Y/N doesn’t need to deal with your bullshit.”

Rafe pretended to be offended, putting a hand against his chest.  “Excuse me?  Antagonize?  To whom are you referring, sister?”  The two guys beside him snickered, and you felt a frown come to your lips.

Sarah’s eyes narrowed dangerously.  “Don’t make me remind you, idiot.  You played around with Angela for the entire summer last year.  By the time she left I knew she’d need years of therapy just to get over you.”

Topper clapped Rafe on the back, and he handed him the small butt of the cigarette to discard.  “Alright, fine,” he conceded, eyes drifting over to me.  “I won’t antagonize Y/N.”  When he said your name, shivers ran down your spine, only you couldn’t decide if they were good or bad.

Sarah put a protective arm around you, her glare menacing.  “Get out of here, will you?  We just want to enjoy the beach in peace.”  

Rafe shrugged, signaling for his friends to follow.  Topper sent a final nasty look Sarah’s way, but she only snorted.  Topper’s moodiness no longer affected her, and she was in a much happier relationship with a guy from The Cut named John B.  You liked John B.; not only did he make Sarah happier than you’d ever seen her, he was also a decent guy.  He tried to make you feel included when you third-wheeled with the two of them, and you appreciated his kindness.

After about an hour more of laying around in the sun, you and Sarah called it quits.  She offered to give you a ride home, but you declined.  Walking cleared your head, and besides you knew it would make your mom feel bad to see a fancy Kook car pulling up to her less-than-fancy trailer.

Wandering through town, you sighed contentedly again.  Even with all of your family drama, you couldn’t help but love the Outer Banks.  Everyone was so easy-going and carefree, and you knew this was the energy you needed.  

Making your way through The Cut, you felt at home among the thick trees and various trailers.  It wasn’t nearly as nice as where Sarah and your dad lived, but you loved this area too.  It was a close-knit community that had welcomed you and your mom with open arms, and for that you were grateful.

You passed by a familiar house, and looked over to see a familiar figure waving from the porch.  “Y/N!” he called out, and you broke into a grin.  JJ Maybank was one of the first people you’d met here, and he quickly became your favorite neighbor.  Funny, charismatic, and incredibly loyal, JJ never failed to boost your spirits.

“What’s up, Maybank?” you greeted when he joined you.

“You look sun-kissed and happy.  Beach day I assume?”  Judging by his boots and sweaty shirt, you guessed JJ had been working on something.  Maybe the mechanics of his boat or cutting the lawn.  JJ was always up to some sort of antics, and you knew it was better not to ask too many questions.

“Oh yeah, spent the whole day fending off Sarah’s many many suitors,” you joked.  JJ was no stranger to the effect that she had on guys, and it made his best friend John B. more than a little paranoid.

“Nah, Sarah’d never go for those schmucks,” JJ insisted.  “The way she hangs over John B., I know he’s the only man for her.”  He batted his eyelashes and swooned, making you laugh.

“You’re definitely right about that.  Hey listen, I’ve gotta run but I’ll see you later.”  JJ saluted and headed back towards his house, and you continued the walk home.

Reaching the trailer, you pushed through the front door and closed it quietly, dropping your bag.  Your mother sat on the couch in the living room, which also doubled as her bedroom since it was a pull-out bed.  She was attempting to flip through the channels of an ancient TV, but judging by the static on the screen it was unsuccessful.

“Hey, mom,” you greeted with a soft smile, plopping down beside her on the sofa.  She sighed and switched off the TV, giving up on trying to watch something.

“How was your day?” she asked distractedly, and your heart sank.  She definitely has something on her mind.

“Great,” you said a little too enthusiastically, trying to get rid of the deep frown on her face.  “Sarah and I must have walked the entire coastline.”

Your mom just nodded, not really listening.  “Look, sweetie, your dad called.”

Immediately you tensed.  Your dad never called unless something was wrong or he wanted something.  “Yeah?” you said slowly, dreading her explanation.

“I think you should go see him.”  Your mother’s smile was bleak and unconvincing.  “He just...he asked how you were doing and mentioned that he rarely sees you anymore.”

“I see him,” you defended, scowling.  “Just...not frequently.”  Things with your dad were incredibly awkward, and you were still bitter about how he handled the divorce.

Sighing, your mother continued, “He’s your father, Y/N.  I think it’d do you both good to spend more time together.”  You knew she felt guilty more than anything.  It was like you’d picked her side in the divorce, which from the outside looked like the case.  You didn’t understand how she could feel bad for a man that treated her so badly.

“Mom, I really don’t think--”

“For me,” she interrupted, and you sighed.  You couldn’t argue with her now; you loved your mother too much to disobey her.  Groaning at the thought of joining your dad for an entire evening, you trudged into the small bedroom and collapsed onto the bed.

You made sure to take your time getting ready, taking a long shower and sitting in front of your closet for almost an hour.  Finally when you couldn’t stall any longer, you checked yourself in the mirror before saying goodbye to your mom, willing time to go as fast as possible tonight.

The house your dad lived in was just as astonishing as ever.  You would never get used to the sheer size of it, the number of windows and extra rooms.  Swallowing roughly, you paced the driveway for a minute, trying to settle your racing heart rate.  

Get it together, Y/N, you scolded yourself, scowling at the pavement.  He’s just your dad.  Truthfully, however, he hadn’t felt like your dad in a long time.  To you he was just a stranger who’d obliterated your life and collected the winnings, flaunting his success in the form of this god-awful mansion.

Inhaling deeply, you forced yourself to ring the door.  The chimes echoed in your head as you held your breath, almost praying the door didn’t open.

But it did, revealing your father.  Clad in an over-priced button down and with carefully sculpted facial hair, you barely recognized him.  He had morphed himself into just another Figure 8 phony, and when he went to kiss your cheek his new beard scratched her skin and made you wince.

“How are you, baby?” he asked as you stepped inside, breathing in the cold air of his house.  It was like a museum with carefully curated furniture and knickknacks.  Your smile was more of a grimace, and you hoped he didn’t notice.

“I’m good,” came your stiff answer.  It was too cold in the house, and goosebumps raised on your skin.  Your father led you into the kitchen where you saw Sarah’s dad leaning against the counter, wine glass in hand.

“Y/N!” he exclaimed, spreading his arms for a hug.  You gave an uncomfortable greeting after embracing him, already regretting your agreement to come here.  Sarah’s dad, Ward, had always scared you.  He was a very intense man that you were terrified to cross, and knowing he was friends with your dad only made you dislike your father more.  But the Cameron’s lived very close to here, so you had a feeling Ward would be over a lot.

“Now I know you and Sarah were together all day, but do you have any idea where that girl is now?”  His tone was upbeat and his eyes were empty.  You resisted the urge to clench your fists, and instead forced a grin.

“Probably with John B.  I think she said something about eating dinner with him.”  You knew Sarah was hardly ever home, bouncing between hanging out with you and her boyfriend.  She couldn’t stand her father any more than you could stand your own.

Ward nodded knowingly, his smile tightening.  “Ah, of course.”  You knew he disapproved of John B. just by the way he said his name with such disdain.  Topper had been like a second son to him, and for Sarah to leave him in the dust must have angered Ward.

You turned your attention back to your dad, who poured himself and Ward another glass of wine.  “Want some, sweetie?” he asked you with a chuckle, probably proud of himself for being cool enough to offer alcohol to his daughter.

Fighting off an eye roll, you shook your head politely.  “No, thanks.”  It was bad enough your dad and Ward were borderline drunk; the thought of being tipsy with them made you want to throw up.

“Let me tell you, you look great,” he continued, waving his glass at you.  “Doesn’t she look great?  A lot like your mother, actually.  And well, it makes sense I guess since your mother used to look great too.”  His words were slightly slurred, and you braced yourself at the mention of your mother.  You were standing awkwardly away from the kitchen island, but didn’t want to step any closer to Ward and your father.  So you just stood in the middle of the floor, looking at anything but his face.

Ward nodded.  “Yes, Sarah and Y/N are growing into fine young women.  It’s a reflection of good parenting, you know,” he joked, making your dad laugh.  The sound set your teeth on edge. 

“I only wish Sarah wasn’t so distracted,” Ward critiqued, taking a long swig of wine.  His eyes took on that distant, scary quality they sometimes had that chilled you to the bone.  “It’s that John B., I’m telling you.  He’s got her priorities all twisted.”

Oblivious to Ward’s malice, your father chuckled.  “My Y/N isn’t distracted in the slightest.  She’s right on track for a bright, bright future.”  He lifted his glass in a toast, but Ward just frowned.

Your skin was getting hot as your discomfort grew.  Hearing your father brag about you was infuriating.  He had nothing to do with how good of a daughter you were; that was all your mom.  You took after her work ethic and self-discipline, and all you got from your father was a few genes and a lot of stress.

“So what have you been up to lately besides parading around the beach with Sarah?” your father questioned, sipping his wine.

“Not much,” you responded plainly.  “Just...enjoying summer, I guess.”  You didn’t owe your father any more details than that; if he wanted to know you, he’d have to make an actual effort and change for the better.  Right now, he wasn’t somebody you wanted to know.

He nodded, eyes misting over as if remembering something.  “Summer’s always been your favorite time of year.  I remember when you were little you refused to wear any clothes that weren’t bright yellow, because you said you wanted to look like the sun.”

The memory seared into your mind, bringing with it pain and remorse that you’d spent so long pushing down.  Ward just chuckled at this.

“Sarah went through a similar phase with pink,” he tried to explain, but your dad wasn’t paying attention to him.  He still looked lost in thought.

“You were my little sunshine, Y/N.  Still are, even though you’re older.  You’ll always be my sunshine.”  His smile, rather than warm your heart, only made you sick to your stomach.  After a second you realized you actually felt sick.  The sound of Ward’s chuckles and your father’s patronizing voice was suffocating you, and you couldn’t breathe.  You knew you couldn’t stay here any longer, and the desire for fresh air overtook your brain.

“I-I have to go,” you stuttered, your vision blurry as anxiety began to rattle through your nerves.  You could barely make out your father standing up, reaching his hands out to stop you.  This only fueled your panic and you desperately wanted to avoid being grabbed by him.

“Where are you going, sunshine?” he called after you, but his voice was distorted and quiet.  You ignored him as you pushed out the front door, sprinting as fast and as far away from his as you could manage.

[maybankiara]

I’M GETTING LOST ON YOU (YOU GOT ME DOING THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I’D DO)

summary:  Neither of them says anything for a short while. JJ doesn’t know what’s going on, because she hasn’t really said anything, but he isn’t quite opposed to the situation.

  They’ve been close before. Closer, even. But it has never felt like this – so intimate.

  If either of them moved a few inches, their lips would be touching.

  When she finally says something, it’s so quiet he almost doesn’t hear. ‘I thought you didn’t like me anymore.’

— in which jj finally grows a pair and asks kiara out.

pairing: JJ x Kiara

words: 2.2k

read on archive of our own

No Pogue-on-Pogue macking; that was the rule number one. It was a rule they’d established a long time ago, when they were just kids, and when Kiara had just joined. Crushes or love hadn’t been on any of their minds, but rules had to be set, so they set them.

  Years went by, and somehow they all became entranced by Kiara. It wasn’t just that she was the only girl in their group of boys; it wasn’t just that she was forbidden; it wasn’t just that she didn’t want any of them.

  Or at least for JJ, it wasn’t that.

  She was the first girl he started flirting with. They were barely thirteen, and JJ liked it when she blushed and rolled her eyes at him, so he kept it going. He got better at it, to the point where he was better than most boys their age.

  She was the first girl he kissed, too. It was a dare, and it was a horrible, awkward, flimsy and clumsy first kiss, but it was the one JJ had never forgotten. He got a lot better at kissing since then, but that was the only time he’d ever kissed her.

  Kiara was always there. Kiara was someone he could always like at a safe distance, where lines between flirting and being overly friendly were blurred just enough.

  But now it’s the summer before university, they are almost eighteen, and Kiara is going away sooner rather than later.

  Her father opens the door. His eyes check JJ up and down, and he frowns. ‘Kiara! It’s for you!’

  ‘Thanks, Mr. C.’

  Mike Carrera closes the door and JJ is left standing outside.

  Panic washes over him. What if Kiara doesn’t like it? What if he’s about to screw everything up? Maybe he doesn’t look good enough, maybe she still has feelings for Pope, or John B, has she ever looked at him the way he looks at her?

  He walks in the spot, fingers in his mouth and teeth tugging at the nail bed.

  This was a big mistake.

  The flowers are too much. Kiara doesn’t like people who aren’t environmentally friendly. Is picking flowers environmentally unfriendly? Is she going to get mad at him over this?

  He doesn’t think he could stand her getting mad at him.

  ‘JJ! What’s happening?’

  JJ stops in his tracks, and looks at the porch.

  Kiara is standing there, wearing grey shorts and a plum tank top. Her hair is in a half-up do, and her skin is glistening with a sheer layer of sweat that’s a consequence of one of the hottest days Outer Banks has seen this summer. She’s half leaning out of the door, with one of her hands on the door frame, the other running through her hair.

  It was enough to make him remember why he chose to take this shot.

  ‘JJ,’ she says, softly. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You’re pacing like crazy. Did something happen? Are you okay? What’s with the flowers?’

  It’s only now, standing five feet away from her, that JJ notices the worry in her face. It’s in the slight wrinkles on her forehead and the pout of her lips, and how she tilts her head and looks him up and down, in a way that he knows means she’s looking for any new bruises decorating his body.

  JJ smiles. His shoulders relax and there’s a spring in his step when he comes closer.

  ‘Everything’s good,’ he says. She squints at him, so he adds, ‘I promise.’

  ‘Okay… What’s with the flowers, then?’

  ‘Oh!’ He stretches his arms towards her, the bouquet almost hitting her in the stomach. ‘These are for you.’

  ‘For me?’

  ‘Yeah,’ says JJ. ‘I got them for you.’

  Kiara takes them and he sees the familiar redness across her cheeks, one that he hasn’t managed to achieve in longer than he’d like to admit. She smiles, sheepishly, and leans against the door frame.

  Somewhere in the distance, crickets are chirping.

  She thanks him quietly.

  JJ sighs and takes a step closer, until they’re merely a feet apart. Kiara doesn’t flinch, as she’s used to him being in everyone’s personal space, but she looks a little surprised by the action.

  A strand of her hair falls in front of her face and, without thinking, JJ’s finger tucks it behind her ear.

  When his hand lingers on her neck, right below her ear, he wishes he could do more than just tuck her hair.

  But he doesn’t. He isn’t being any more reckless tonight than he already is.  Instead, he lets his hand fall back into his pocket, and gives Kiara a warm smile.

  His eyes flicker to her lips, but that’s something he can’t control. He spent one too many night wondering if they would taste the same as they did all those years ago.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he says, ‘if this is too much.’

  ‘JJ—’

  ‘No, listen. I know there’s the rule about no Pogue-macking, and I know both you and I have been proud of how independent we are, and I respect that.’ His smile falters, but he looks at Kiara’s face, and lets himself not worry for a hot second. ‘I just wanted to tell you that I see you as more than just a friend, Kie. And obviously, I totally respect your feelings, whatever they are, because you know, bros before hos or whatever. I just wanted you to know. Before you leave. That I’m in love with you.’

  JJ closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, already preparing for the inevitable rejection.

  He wasn’t supposed to do this. He wasn’t supposed to spill his guts to her, because that could only freak her out.

  When he starts shaking, he bits his lip. In his pockets, his fingers are fidgeting, and he starts finding the crickets a comic addition to the situation.

  Well. He knew he’d fuck this up.

  ‘Open your eyes, JJ.’

  He does.

  Kiara is looking at him with a face that he can’t really read, but she’s holding the bouquet close to her chest, so maybe that’s a good sign. Her eyes are gazing into his and he begins to wonder what she’s searching for.

  A soft breeze passes between them, and her hair sways on the wind a little. She looks so soft, so beautiful in that moment – all JJ wants her is to know that. To know how beautiful she is, both on the outside and the inside.

  So he says it.

  ‘It’s not – It’s not just about the way you look, Kie, I hope you know that.’ His fingers tuck the wind-swept strands away, and this time, he lets his hand linger on her neck with no plans of moving it away. ‘You’ve been there for me when I needed you. You banter me like no one else does, and you call me out on my shit when John B and Pope can’t be bothered. I love riling you up because I love when you get protective of the world, when you talk about your ideas to save it. I just… I just wanted you to know that.’

  She smiles, laughs a little, too, and JJ feels her breath hot against his own. He’s not sure if it’s the light, or if there’s a twinkle in her eyes.

  ‘I never took you for such a sap, JJ.’

  He leans his head back and groans, but when he looks back, she’s smiling even wider. His eyes fall to the strap of her top and he plays with it, twirling it around his fingers, trying to keep his mind away from thinking about how easy it would be just to take it off.

  Neither of them says anything for a short while. JJ doesn’t know what’s going on, because she hasn’t really said anything, but he isn’t quite opposed to the situation.

  They’ve been close before. Closer, even. But it has never felt like this – so intimate.

  If either of them moved a few inches, their lips would be touching.

  When she finally says something, it’s so quiet he almost doesn’t hear. ‘I thought you didn’t like me anymore.’

  JJ looks back at her, brows furrowed, head tilted. ‘What?’

  ‘When John B kissed me, and then everything with Pope happened.’ Kiara bites her lip and looks away, and JJ is now certain there’s a twinkle in her eyes. ‘I thought you moved on, and at first I was happy, but then I realised how much I miss you flirting with me and dancing with me and complimenting me and – and –’

   ‘I’m here, now,’ he says. ‘I never stopped liking you. I tried, but I couldn’t.’

  She looks back at him, hopeful, and JJ can barely hold himself from kissing her full on the mouth, like he’s been dreaming of all these years. The realisation of the meaning of her words hits him like a truck and he steps back, almost, gasping.

  Kiara’s hand catches his, the one that’s still on her neck. Her palm is warm and her fingers are tiny compared to his, and seeing them together like that is yet another blow.

  ‘JJ, are you okay?’

  He clenches his teeth, and nods. If he opens his mouth, he’ll kiss her, and he doesn’t know if she wants it.

  That’s when he realised that he didn’t actually believe this would go well, and it did, and he isn’t fucking prepared for this.

  What do you do when you confess your feelings to someone and they love you back?

  He laughs, a little, nervously. ‘I was actually supposed to just ask you out. Not confess my feelings.’

  ‘That’s okay. It’s not too late.’

  ‘For what?’

  ‘Asking me out,’ Kiara says, sheepishly, ‘if that’s what you want.’

  ‘Oh.’

  For a brief moment, JJ’s brain just… freezes. He stares at Kie and there’s a lot of things he’s thinking of doing, but formulating a question that he never even gave a thought about (because he never even thought he’d get the chance to) is not one of them.

  ‘Um.’

  Kiara laughs. ‘JJ, are you broken?’

  ‘Maybe,’ he says. ‘A little bit.’

  ‘Okay.’

  Taking his hand in hers, she takes it off her neck as she crouches and places the bouquet on the floor. She straightens her back and closes the distance between them and oh no, JJ is definitely thinking all the wrong thoughts and wraps her arms around his neck, the way she never has.

  The way he hasn’t even seen her do to Pope, for those brief three weeks they tried being a thing two years ago.

  No, this is a different, this is for JJ only, it’s intimate and possessive at the same time, and her lips are so close that—

  Kiara brushes her lips against his, so softly he barely feels it.

  ‘Kie,’ he whispers.

  Her voice is just as quiet. ‘Yes?’

  JJ’s hands wrap around her torso and press her against him. He leaves one hand at the small of her back, drawing circles with his thumb, and brings the other one to her ear, to get her hair out of the way for the third time in fifteen minutes. ‘You have hair all over your face.’

  She laughs at that and buries her head in his chest. It’s so soft and natural and earnest that he almost melts into the touch, seen and felt and understood and accepted for the first time.

  He places a finger under her chin and lifts it, gazing into her eyes with a little more adoration he think he should – but he can’t help it. Not anymore. Not when his world is in the palm of his hand.

  So he says, quietly, ‘I love you.’

  And then kisses her, softly. It’s a chaste kiss, and he sets rain to the flames within him, tells them to wait.

  When they part, JJ sees the world in a new light.

  Brighter, for starters, and maybe not out to get him.

  ‘Kiara Carrera,’ he begins, ‘do you want to go on a date with me?’

  ‘I would love to.’

  Kiara leans in for a kiss but he pulls back, letting go of her instead. When she looks at him, puzzled, he walks off the porch backwards, grinning at her wider than he thinks he’s ever grinned.

  ‘That’s all you’re getting for now,’ he tells her. ‘I’m a reserved man.’

  She flips him off and she laughs, and something makes him think that maybe this wasn’t a dumb idea. Maybe they were just the same, only better. Maybe he didn’t fuck everything up.

  Maybe for the first time in his life, he did the right thing.

[onestowatch]

Surfaces Is Bringing Their Happy Place to the Masses [Q&A]

Photo: Dan Franco

When Colin Padalecki met Forrest Frank on SoundCloud, back in 2016, they had no idea that their whimsical exchange of DMs would evolve into the brotherhood of a lifetime, an ever-growing discography, and a roster spot on one of the hottest independent record labels in the world—10K Projects. 

Since then, the two friends have formed a genre-bending band called Surfaces and an audiovisual world of neo-soul, beach-pop, reggae, and gospel music. Or better yet, an imaginary happy place, right smack-dab in the middle of “The Lone Star State,” where the two Texans make masterful R&B music with spoken-word lyricism that elevates positive thinking for the soul. 

All in all, the guys from Surfaces have been releasing music together for four years now. Thus, with each year comes a brand-new album from the hardworking duo. While Caribbean rhythms and heartwarming subject matter remain notable fixtures of their songwriting, another mainstay is the scenic artwork that’s accompanied every album release so far.

Each time that Padalecki creates an official album cover for Surfaces, it’s as if he’s giving their supporters a behind-the-scenes look at the way in which they find inspiration before a songwriting camp. In many instances, the artwork that he designs serves as a catalyst for the band’s recording sessions, because it sets the mood. His graphic illustrations of sunsets, beaches, and waterfronts augment the heartfelt stories that have been told for the duration of four albums now by his bandmate, Frank, whose lyrics and jazz-rap cadences always seem to carry a positive undertone. 

The meaning behind his uplifting words stem from a spiritual assertion that was instilled in him from a young age by his family. In fact, his band’s biggest hit to date was influenced by his faith. “When I think of the lyrics [from “Sunday Best”]... for me, personally, the only way I’ve been able to find that kind of complete stress-free lifestyle is through my relationship with God,” shares Frank. Of all the songs that have been penned by Surfaces over the past five years, none of the releases contain a single ounce of vulgarity in them. This is a very unique distinction for a secular band—especially one that is part of a record label that’s been home to some of the most popular rappers of the SoundCloud rap era. 

But nevertheless, their working relationship with their record label has actually enhanced their creativity. Because the company’s CEO has created a healthy environment for artistic expression, regardless of the genres his artists belong to. “I feel like Elliot [Grainge] runs a really tight family kind of shop. He doesn’t have a lot of artists on his roster, but he has a personal relationship with all of us and the other people we work with like Molly, Sam, and our managers. So, [signing with 10K Projects] just made sense,” shares Padalecki. “Elliot gave us full creative control, which is truly a blessing when it comes to something like a record deal. At any moment in time, we could just ask him to meet us for lunch and he cares enough about us on a personal level to go do that. He trusts in our decisions when it comes to song making, album choices, and everything. They’ve been nothing but supportive and we’ve been nothing but grateful for 10K, it’s almost like a family.” 

Indeed, a stress-free creative space, cathartic chorus lines, and the full support of 10K Projects have proven to be key components in a winning formula that’s yielded multi-platinum successes for Surfaces. So, as the old adage goes: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Which means when it comes to dropping new music, the guys are sticking to what works. 

When they made their best-selling album to date, Where The Light Is, they recorded the tracks during the day, while the sun was out at Frank’s boat house to perfectly capture a positive and happy mood. Catching a vibe in a sunny environment has proven to be tried-and-true method for the band and a blueprint that Colin Padalecki wanted to follow during the making of their latest album, Pacifico. 

“We rented a house in Malibu for about a half a month. It was kind of like this creative camp that we set up and we pretty much woke up every single day in this really gorgeous house with this really gorgeous view of the beach line of Malibu and the sunset peaking over the mountains every single day,” says the multi-instrumentalist. “It was just nice to not have to worry about anything with Forrest, his wife, and our creative collaborator Conrad [Public Library Commute]. Nothing felt forced… we were just trying to capture the essence of that trip. The whole album pretty much describes that vacation of ours. And we just tried to capture all aspects of it through sonics.” 

On April 9, Surfaces introduced their fourth studio album to the world with the lead single called “Wave of You.” It’s a vibey beach-pop track that explores the depths of a romantic relationship through the eyes of Frank. It also displays his willingness to expose his own real-life experiences. “I think it’s really powerful. A relationship can be so powerful and when you’re really drawn to someone it’s like the tide pulling you into the wave. It’s awesome, but it’s also really fragile and dangerous,” says Frank.

Upon the release of two follow-up singles to “Wave of You,” Surfaces officially dropped Pacifico on June 25. The new album arrives on the heels of one of the most challenging time periods this world has ever seen. In the wake of a global pandemic, a little bit of sunshine is exactly what the the world needs. Pacifico, fittingly, is a breath of fresh air for their supporters and a fitting soundtrack for the beginning of summer after nearly a year-and-a-half of worldwide shutdowns. 

One of the main aspects of this album that displays the band’s growth as musicians are the amount of artist features present. Before the release of Pacifico, the only collaboration they ever published was “Learn To Fly” with Elton John. Their collaborative effort with the Rock & Roll Hall of Famer was an absolute banger, but it was never officially featured on an album by Surfaces. Instead, it was published as a one-off single. But this time around, the group teamed up with four collaborators: Public Library Commute, Salam Ilese, Xavier Omär and Quinn XCII. 

Their contributions to Pacifico have added a whole new element to this delightful collection of sun-soaked music. In fact, the story of how they ended up recording their collaboration with Omär in person is almost as compelling as the story of how the co-founders met each other. “We’d been huge fans [of Xavier Omär] ever since the SoundCloud days. We had a second verse open [for “Come Around”]. So, we DM’d him and said, ‘Yo what’s up! We’re huge fans!’ He said he was a big fan of ours too. So, we told him that we’d love to link up and talk about music because we have a song that he might like,” recounts Frank. “Then he said, ‘Oh cool, but the only thing is, I don’t live in L.A., I live in San Antonio.’ And we were like, ‘Yo, Colin lives in San Antonio (laughs)! So, we basically drove down the street and recorded with him.” It’s a fond memory of their first encounter with one of their favorite musicians… and it’s strikingly similar to the way that Padalecki met Frank on SoundCloud about five years prior. 

“Hearing (Omar Xavier’s) melodies recorded at my house brought me back to my high school days of listening to Middle of Things,” says Padalecki. “It had a huge impact on me in high school. So, him coming over and hanging out with us like friends, getting lunch with us, and then getting to the music later was really special.” While collaborative efforts like “Come Around” and “On Time” have certainly added a new dimension to the songwriting and emotional depth of Surfaces, fans can rest assured that their trademark penchant for feel great grooves remain true all throughout Pacifico.

In just five years, the duo behind Surfaces has traveled all over the country. The last time they took the show on the road was during the “Warm Winter Tour” back in 2019. This August, they’ll hit the road again for a North American tour called the aptly titled “Good 2 Be Back Tour.” To the masses they’re a homegrown duo that never fails to bring light and positivity to the forefront of their music. But internally… they’re just two friends having the time of their lives. And why wouldn’t they be? It’s not every day that pop icons like Justin Bieber partake in a “Sunday Best” dance craze dedicated to you by your fans on TikTok. 

More importantly, it’s not every day a pop-rock band comes along and reminds us of Bill Withers, Hall & Oates, Beach Boys and Chance the Rapper all in one breath. “That’s pretty good (laughs). I like that,” confesses Frank when the unique comparison was brought to his attention. With the release of Pacifico, Surfaces is now four albums deep into a promising career in music. And to think, it all started with a litany of recording sessions at Padalecki’s college house in Texas. It appears as though the guys from Surfaces are just as good at building songs as they are at giving form to the happy place from which all of their songs originate.

Pacifico is available everywhere you can stream it. 

[vanilla107]

You got me feeling like a Psycho

Hey everyone!

My first ever Trolls fanfiction and it just so happens to be a rare pair! I adored Trolls (2016) but never really prioritized to write for it but when Trolls World Tour came out...that love for the first movie came rushing back. The movie made me really happy while in quarantine and I hope that this fanfic made you a little happier too.

I'm a HUGE Red Velvet fan and when I saw the announcement for them to be in the second movie I LOST MY COLLECTIVE SHIT. Even though the interactions with Tresillo and Wani are low, I loved their banter and this fanfic sorta happened. I added in a few Red Velvet concepts in the fic itself so if you see one, leave a comment or a like! I definitely added that Wani was the more fluent one in this fic as Wendy, the woman who voiced Wani, is the most fluent in Red Velvet!

I do plan on writing a Broppy one shot a little later so you can expect to see that in the next couple weeks.

Please stay safe!

Songs used in this fic:

Taki Taki - DJ Snake, Cardi B, Selena Gomez and Ozuna

Psycho (reloaded remix) - Red Velvet

Zimzalabim - Red Velvet

Like I’m gonna lose you - Meghan Trainor

Part Two/ A03 ***

Wani giggled as she splashed Baby Bun with water, the pink haired troll grinning before splashing her back.

It was one of the hottest days of the year and almost all the trolls from around the land were in the lake that separated Vibe City and Lonesome Flats. Everyone was taking a dip in the cool water and she couldn’t help but sigh in contempt.

It had been about a month since all the trolls accepted that they were different and were now living in harmony.

It was absolute bliss.

It felt so much nicer to talk to other trolls about music and sharing their own genres than keeping it to themselves and because of it, they had all made new friends. The k-pop gang were pretty close with Queen Poppy and Branch since they were a subculture of Pop itself and it made sense to vibe to the same music but Kim-Petit had become friends with Prince D, Baby Bun was friends with one of the rock trolls and Ari and Gomdori often hung out with the techno trolls as well as the classical trolls.

Wani wiggled her feet in the water before swimming to the banks of the lake and hopping out and sitting down on her towel. She was so caught up in making sure the transition for the k-pop gang went smoothly that she didn’t have much time to focus on friends of her own. Despite most of them being able to speak basic English, she was the more fluent speaker and after ensuring that they were all settled in, she could relax.

She put on her sunglasses and closed her eyes, the sun making her glossy chrome skin sparkle.

“Oh that’s bright!” a familiar voice teased and she grinned as she moved her sunglasses to the top of her head and angled her head to look at Tresillo.

“Hey Tracy! How’s it going?” she grinned and he rolled his eyes at the nickname.

“On the hottest day of the year? Just cooling ourselves off,” he said and gestured to his friends in the water, “Mind if I join you?”

“Sure, take a seat.”

Even though the k-pop gang had a mutual respect for the reggaeton trolls, that didn’t mean that they couldn’t tease each other from time to time like they had before Queen Barb’s initial reign of rock. With their subcultures being the smallest next to the yodellers, it felt natural for them to gravitate towards each other.

“Where you goin’ after this Wani?”

“Uh, home?” she said with a shrug.

“Wait, are you serious?” he asked and stared at her incredulously.

“Yes? Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because it’s the Summer Song Dance Party tonight! Everyone’s gonna be there!”

For the first time ever, Wani felt nervous. She was planning on skipping the party because she didn't want to be alone.

“I didn’t get an invite,” she lied and she saw the troll chuckle before pulling out a flyer from his bag next to him and giving it to her.

“Open invitation. Everyone’s going and it’s going to be fire.”

“Oh wow, this has Poppy’s decorating skills all over it,” she giggled, handing him back the flyer and shaking the glitter from her fingers.

“Yeah, you know how she is with her glitter. So you’re coming right?”

“What’s with all the questions? Tryna get something out of me?” she hummed.

“I just...” he hesitated before sighing, “I can see you’re lonely Wani.”

Her body froze and she forced a smile a second later.

“What? No, I’m perfectly-”

“Wani don’t lie to me. I’ve been watching how you’ve helped your other k-pop trolls talk to everyone else but you were so worried about them that you don’t really have any friends yet.”

“I have friends!” Wani said defensively.

“Okay, name one troll other than Poppy, Branch and the k-pop gang that’s your friend.”

“You?” Wani said slowly and he raised his eyebrows in surprise, “What? Did you seriously not expect me to consider you one of my friends?” she asked.

“Well I can’t say I’m not happy but...” he said, avoiding her gaze, “But you definitely need more than that so let me help you tonight. I’ll introduce you to some trolls and by the end, you’ll know almost everyone.”

“But-”

“No buts! You are going to make more friends! Now c’mon, the others are packing up and are getting ready to go.”

“Okay fine,” Wani groaned but her stomach was doing flips.

Maybe this would be a good opportunity to make new friends after all.

***

“Ohhh, Wani you are going to turn a certain somebody’s head tonight!” Baby Bun teased, her Korean flowing effortlessly and the blue troll sighed deeply as she look at herself in the mirror.

“I never should’ve told you guys that Tresillo is helping me tonight.”

“Yeah, like ‘helping’ is the word I’d use,” Ari giggled as she did her hair at the vanity.

“It’s really no big deal! You guys are making this small thing a huge deal-”

“Oh come on Wani! You like him!” Kim-Petit said with a smirk and she narrowly dodged a pillow the blue troll had thrown.

“Respect your elders!” Wani yelled and the rest of them burst into laughter.

“Wani, chill. You know we’re just teasing,” Gomdori said as she put her hands on the troll’s and lead her to the vanity and sat her down.

“Besides, we know why he’s taking you out specifically, to make new friends, which is very sweet of him,” Baby Bun nodded and handed Gomdori a clip that she slid into the blue troll’s hair.

“Yeah, you deserve some down time after helping us settle in,” Ari agreed and they all stepped back to admire their work on Wani’s hair.

“But just so you know, if you did like him we would be thrilled-” began Kim Petit.

“Okay, let’s go to this party!” Wani yelled, desperate to get them to stop talking about Tresillo.

***

Twenty minutes later, they arrived at Pop Village and their jaws dropped.

“Are...are we late?” Ari asked, looking at the huge pit of trolls of all shapes and colours jumping up and down to some of King Trollex’s beats.

“Nope, you’re right on time!” a familiar voice said and Wani grinned.

“Tracy, this doesn’t look on time,” she said, gesturing to the area packed with trolls.

“Pop trolls know how to party, I’ll give ‘em that. Now c’mon, I got some friends to introduce you too.”

“What about my friends-?”

“Wani, just go!” Gomdori said in English, and Wani smiled at how fluent she sounded.

“Okay, okay! Bye girls!”

The two of them walked away and Baby Bun turned to face the rest of the k-pop gang.

“How much do you want to bet they’ll get together by the end of the night?”

They all laughed and headed towards the dance floor.

On the sidelines of the dance floor, there were designated ‘chill’ spaces with bean bags and chairs were Tresillo introduced Wani to Hickory.

“This is Hickory. A yodeller but lover of country,” Tresillo said.

“Oh, you’re the other bounty hunter!” she said, remembering that he never showed up for the meeting with Queen Barb.

“Yep, but I don’t do that anymore. Just me n’ the music I love,” he said with a wink.

“Yeah, guess we’re like a band of bounty hunters all reformed, huh?” Wani said with a laugh and Hickory grinned.

“Yeah, guess you could say that. Oh and have you had anything to drink yet? I should warn you that once you get on the dance floor...it’s easy to stay there for two hours or more because the set list is incredible.”

“No...is there a drink bar?” Wani asked and Tresillo nodded before pointing to one not too far away from them.

“They’re scattered all over the area so that the queues aren’t too long. Wani, you want something?” Tresillo asked.

She smiled gratefully and nodded before he made his way to the drink bar.

As the reggaeton troll stood in the queue, Hickory turned to the k-pop troll and gave her a knowing smile.

“So how long have you two been a couple?” he asked and her eyes widened.

“We- no. We aren’t a couple-”

“Well, I can see that you like him darlin’.”

“You are assuming things-”

“Wani, I’ve known you for less than half an hour and I can see your heart leaking out your chest for that guy. Now what’s stopping you?”

She was quiet for a while before answering him. There was no use in lying to him and maybe...he had some advice.

“I do like him but...it just feels fast...and it feels like everyone’s pressuring me to get together with him and...I don’t know if I like him because I like him like that or if I like him just because he’s nice to me and talks to me.”

“And have you told him that?”

“Well I don’t know if he likes me.”

“Let’s me tell you a secret. If a troll gives you the attention he’s currently giving you then you do have his attention. So do what you can now to set a boundary and see where it goes. There’s no harm in tryin’.”

“I’m feeling nervous now,” she groaned.

“I’m not saying you have to do anything about it right away. I’m just sayin’ the faster you set a boundary, the better because...let’s just say Tresillo is popular amongst some trolls here,” he chuckled before motioning to the juice bar.

Wani followed his eyes and landed on Tresillo and a country troll laughing with him. She felt acid in her stomach as a rock troll squeezed his shoulder, getting awfully close.

“Oh.”

“ I’m just sayin’ Wani. If you don’t shoot your shot...you might miss him.”

“But...but I don’t even know yet. What if I just like him for being a good friend?”

“You will know. Currently you’re just trying to settle into this new mishmash of genres and that’s okay. Your heart will know when the time is right. Now, forget about your worries and enjoy your evening. Remember...if you want your own questions answered, you have to ask them.”

Tresillo came back with their drinks a few minutes later and gave Wani her one. She peered into it, the blue pieces of fruit floating on top.

“Well this looks interesting...”

“You never told me which one you wanted so I chose what I thought fit your personality,” smiled the reggaeton troll.

“Oh really? Well let’s see how well you know me,” Wani smirked before taking a sip.

Her eyes widened in surprise and took another sip before humming in approval.

“I think that’s a winner Tresillo!” Hickory nodded, “What flavour is it anyway?”

“Blue Crush.”

At his answer Wani choked on the drink, her eyes tearing up and she coughed. She felt Hickory place a hand on her shoulder and Tresillo pat her back.

“Woah, slow down there,” murmured the reggaeton troll.

“Sorry, it went down the wrong pipe,” she lied and he laughed before turning to Hickory and resuming the conversation.

While she occasionally laughed and added to the conversation, Wani’s mind was racing.

Blue Crush? Is he trying to hint that he has a crush on me? No...that’s ridiculous! It’s just a drink! A really tasty one!

“Wani? Wani!”

Tresillo’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts and she gave him an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, lost in thought!”

“Well that’s not good. I think we need to get you on the dance floor!” he said with a smirk and she nodded enthusiastically.

“You two enjoy it. I’m going to stay here for a little longer before going back,” Hickory said and they made their way to the dance floor.

While dancing, Tresillo introduced her to other trolls. Soon she was losing count of everyone she had met and their names after five songs. She was relieved when she saw Poppy and Branch dancing and grabbed the reggaeton troll’s hand and made her way over to them.

“Poppy! Branch!” she yelled and the couple perked up at her voice.

“Wani! Tresillo! How are you finding the Summer Song Dance Party?” Poppy asked as she did a twirl.

“It’s great! Wanna dance together?” Wani asked and Poppy nooded before she grabbed her hand, and using her pink hair, catapulted them to a platform that overlooked the dance floor.

King Trollex noticed them and grinned, playing a new song that the two trolls could dance too.

“Attention everybody! Let me see your hands up!” he yelled into his microphone and the trolls screamed enthusiastically as he began to build up for the beat drop.

“You read to throw down?” Poppy laughed.

“Not without us!” Branch said as he landed on the same platform with Tresillo and they all laughed before jumping together as the beat dropped.

“Wooo!” Poppy yelled as the song ended and King Trollex took a bow before Queen Barb took over the DJ station.

“What up everyone!? How we feeling tonight?” she yelled and she was greeted with applause and screams.

“Now I’d usually start playing some hard rock but...I notice four trolls on a platform just a little above me and I think...this calls for a dance off!” she yelled and Wani froze in place as a large spotlight was directed at them.

“W-What?!” she said, panic rising in her.

“How does that sound trolls?” Barb asked, her smile pearly white and the screams were even louder.

“Yeah! Let’s do this Branch!” Poppy said but was interrupted by Barb.

“How about...boys against girls?” Barb asked and the screams were deafening, “Looks like the crowd has made up their mind!”

“I...I don’t know if I can do this-” Wani said nervously.

“You’ll be great Wani! You’re a great dancer! C’mon I’m on your side!” Poppy said, mischief sparkling in her eyes.

“I mean...if you forfeit then we win by default...” Tresillo said, a lazy smile on his face and that was enough for Wani to grab Poppy by the hand.

“Poppy, we’re winning this! Now!” she said determinedly and Poppy swung them off the platform and down to the dance floor.

A circle was made for them to dance and Branch and Tresillo joined.

“Okay everyone! May the best dancers win!” Barb yelled and she began to play a medley of genres causing the crowd to go nuts.

Poppy and Wani started first, moving their bodies elegantly to a classical remix before Branch and Tresillo took over with an infectious pop song. Wani glared at Tresillo, her competitive spirit getting the better of her and proceeded to dance her heart out.

It was bringing back memories of when they had their first dance off all those months ago, when they needed Branch to find Queen Poppy to give Barb the pop string.

Tresillo only winked at her and she rolled her eyes. From where they were standing, Branch and Tresillo looked like they were going to win. She needed to think fast.

She grabbed Poppy’s hand and gave her a nod and the pink troll grinned before they did a cartwheel into a split as the beat ended and the crowd went wild.

“Wow...that was some crazy dancing but who’s the winner?” Barb asked and protests came from the crowd, “Okay looks like we need a tie breaker! Wani and Tresillo! You two will be the tie breaker!”

Wani got nervous all over again but she looked at the reggaeton troll and he gave her an encouraging nod before she took centre stage with Tresillo.

“You ready to lose?” he asked with a grin.

“In your dreams!” she scoffed but her jaw dropped when a reggaeton song started playing.

Báilame como si fuera la última vez

Y enséñame ese pasito que no sé

Un besito bien suavecito, bebé

Taki taki, taki taki, ¡rumba!

“Woah, how is this fair?! He’s a reggaeton troll!” she yelled but Tresillo just laughed.

“Just dance baby!” he said before busting into a series of fluid movements earning applause from the audience.

She joined in, earning screams of encouragement from Poppy and the k-pop trolls.

“Destroy him!” Baby Bun yelled in Korean and Wani couldn’t help but laugh.

“What’d she say?” Tresillo asked and she laughed more as she danced.

“It’s nothing!” she laughed and before she knew it the song had ended.

“Well that was quite a performance but let’s end this with one more song!” Barb yelled and the familiar notes of a song hit Wani’s ears.

She immediately started dancing, the song flowing through her and she heard the k-pop trolls behind her sing along to the lyrics.

You got me feeling like a psycho psycho

우릴 보고 말해 자꾸 자꾸

다시 안 볼 듯 싸우다가도

붙어 다니니 말야

이해가 안 간대

웃기지도 않대

맞아 Psycho psycho

서로 좋아 죽는 바보 바보

너 없인 어지럽고 슬퍼져

기운도 막 없어요

둘이 잘 만났대

Hey now we’ll be ok!

Wani danced her heart out and when she heard that it was a remix, she free-styled a few moves causing the crowd to go insane.

As she did a spin, she briefly made eye contact with Tresillo and-

He wasn’t dancing.

He was staring at her and has a small smile on his face as he watched.

She felt her heart squeeze as she finished the final move right in front of him, her hand on her hip as she whispered the last word.

“Psycho...”

The crowd burst into applause and Barb grinned as she raised the microphone to her mouth.

“Since Wani’s applause was louder, she has officially won the dance battle! Congrats!”

Poppy squealed and lifted the k-pop troll into a hug.

“Wani! That was incredible!” she said as she put her down.

“Yeah, great job.” Branch said sulkily and Poppy gave him a playful shove.

“Thanks but I can’t say anything because Tracy didn’t dance!” Wani said with a snort and the reggaeton troll rolled his eyes.

“I was stunned okay. It’s not my fault you’re an excellent dancer.”

“Thank you,” Wani said softly, a light blush dusting her cheeks.

Before they could say anything else, Barb played the first few chords of a rock song on her guitar and the dance floor immediately was swamped once more.

Wani managed to squeeze her way out of the dance floor after a few minutes and headed towards the juice bar, only to find Tresillo there already, holding two cups.

“I figured you’d need this after that dance battle,” he said as he handed her the cup and she smiled gratefully.

The music was loud and as the two of them sat down at the chill section, Wani was approached by trolls she had never met before, all introducing themselves.

"Hi! You are an amazing dancer!"

"Hey, you did great out there! You dance so fluidly!"

"Woah, can you teach us some of the dance moves?"

Tresillo watched her easily make friends and he grinned as she finished her juice. He gestured to her.

You want another one?

She nodded and he headed back to the juice bar.

When he got back, Wani seemed to have more trolls around her and when she saw him, she leapt off the beanbag.

“Thanks everyone for the great time but I think the sore loser needs some cheering up,” she teased and the group of trolls giggled at him.

He was about to object because he did not need cheering up when she grabbed his hand and walked up one of the hills.

“Look Miss Popular, I do not need cheering up-”

“I know. I just wanted to spend some time with you,” she shrugged and he looked at her in surprise.

“Wait but you are here to make more friends-”

“-And I think I have enough for one night,” she said with a smile, gesturing to the group of trolls that were hanging around her previously in the chill area.

“Oh...I guess you’re right. Looks like all you needed to do was win a dance battle to get your name out there,” he nodded and they sat down, overlooking the whole party.

“I mean I’ve forgotten half of their names but I’ll get there eventually. I already have lunch plans with Barb and Poppy on Tuesday, a house party invite from a country troll and got invited to a Mix Off from Prince C,” she said with a cheeky smile.

She sipped her juice and they collapsed into a comfortable silence.

“Thanks for tonight Tresillo. I really appreciate you going out of your way to make me feel like I belong here.”

“Aye, it’s no problem. Us subculture trolls need to stick together and get more people liking our music aight?” he said with a chuckle and she giggled.

“Definitely.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Go ahead.”

“What did the song you dance to mean? I mean I heard bits of English like ‘psycho’ and ‘we’ll be okay’ but I don’t know the meaning and I was wondering if you could explain.”

Wani set her cup down and looked down at the grass beneath them, her face getting warm.

“It’s a love song-” she said softly and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“-But you’re saying ‘you got me feeling like a psycho'...Isn’t that a bad thing?”

“Let me finish!” Wani said and bumped him on his shoulder.

She hummed for a minute and looked at the stars in the sky.

“The song talks about a relationship where two lovers, whose love is constantly being perceived as toxic and crazy by other individuals, admit that their love is special and strange; as though one minute they’re about to break each other and the next, they makeup. They say that they are beautiful and sad, like the moon and river. That they feel dizzy and sad without each other like all their energy has been sucked out of them. And because they are together, that they are also often seen as psychos to those individuals.”

“Okay I didn’t know k-pop could get that deep,” Tresillo said, holding his hand to his heart and she laughed.

“Yeah, you’re missing out! But to be fair there is a song called Zimalabim and...let’s just say it became a bit of a meme in the k-pop community,” she said as she demonstrated the dance and song.

“What does Zimzalabim even mean?”

“Theories range from Zim, Zala and Bim being three trickster demons to those words being used as magical words like Abracadabra. In all honestly, I’m not even sure anymore.”

“Okay now that’s weird!”

“You can’t judge because what does ‘Taki Taki’ even mean?” she enquired with a raised eyebrow.

“Uh...it doesn’t really mean anything-”

“Ha!”

“But there’s been hints to uh...explicit things?” he struggled, blushing.

Wani stared at him before laughing and soon they were laughing together at their genres. They settled into a silence again and Wani felt her heart begin to beat a little faster. Hickory’s words were echoing through her mind.

If you don’t shoot your shot...you might miss him.

“Tresillo...I need to tell you something,” she said and he turned t look at her.

“Wow, no nickname? Must be serious,” he teased and she shushed him, her heart pounding.

“I...I was really nervous about tonight. I knew that the party was happening but I wasn’t planning to go until you asked me. I can’t thank you enough for making me come with you,” she said quickly, cursing that she completely avoided the real thing she wanted to tell him.

“It’s no problem. I wanted you to be happy and now you’re the life of the party,” he chuckled.

“Yeah it’s just...” she sighed and turned her whole body so that she was facing him directly.

“Look this might be a big mistake but...I think I like you. Like more than a friend but I’m terrified of messing up what we have now. And I don’t know if I like you because I actually really do like you or if it’s because you’re just nice to me.”

He looked at her, surprise written on his face before asking, “Is that why you choked on your juice earlier?”

“What? No! Yes! Maybe! You said it was Blue Crush flavour and I’m blue and I thought you were giving my subliminal messages!” she yelled, her face going bright red and he laughed.

“Okay...well if I told you I liked you too...what would you say to that?” he asked, his voice low and sending shivers down her spine.

“I...I would be really happy and relieved that you feel the same way but...I need you to know that I’ll probably set boundaries. I don’t want to seem like I’m leading you on but I need those boundaries.”

Her heart was thudding in her chest. This was what scared her the most.

“Boundaries? Like what?”

“Like...you’re going to have to be super patient with me on PDA and I’m not ready for a lot of relationship things...I guess I just wanted to ‘shoot my shot’ with you so that no other troll go you before I had a chance.”

He was quiet.

“So...you’re saying that you’re confessing you like me now because you thought that some other troll would catch my eye?”

“I mean...you have trolls grabbing you left and right! I saw those rock and country trolls at the juice bar getting close with you! And you’re attractive, a great dancer and your Spanish is so lovely to listen to and-” Wani stopped herself when she saw him smirking at her.

“You repeat this to anyone and you’re dead,” she threatened but he just chuckled.

“Wani, I’ve only had eyes for you for a long time. Sure other trolls and nice but you...you are...something else entirely. An ethereal something else and if those boundaries make you feel more comfortable...then I’m willing to do that for as long as it takes.”

“Even if it takes me a year to kiss you?”

“Wait, I seriously have to wait that long?” he asked, horror on his face before taking a deep breath, “Okay, okay I guess I can try-”

“-Nah, I’m just kidding about that,” she giggled, threading her hand through his and planted a kiss on his now intertwined hand, “But I might be really nervous at first so just...wait for me okay?”

“Okay,” he said lightly kissed her cheek, “Can I put my arm around you?”

Wani gave him a smile so bright, he thought he’s seen the sun and she cuddled up next to him.

The two watched the party from the hill and when Poppy called for a slow song to play, Wani stood up and offered her hand.

“I...I thought you wanted to take thing slow? You want us to slow dance in front of everyone?”

“I was thinking slow dancing right here.”

He took her hand and she pulled him close as the familiar notes of a love song echoed around them.

I found myself dreaming

In silver and gold

Like a scene from a movie

That every broken heart knows

“This must’ve been hard for you. Admitting you like someone is scary,” he murmured.

“It was at first but I knew it would hurt me more if I didn’t say anything and...”

“And what?”

“You’re worth it Tracy,” she giggled and for a minute, he thought his heart was going to burst.

“I...I don’t know if I would’ve had that much confidence,” he admitted.

“Really? But you’re one of the smoothest trolls I know.”

“Being smooth around people is one thing but being smooth and brave enough to admit that I care about someone...that’s different.”

“Hmmm I’d like to think you would’ve done something if another troll tried to shoot their shot with me,” Wani said confidently.

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

I’m gonna love you

Like I’m gonna lose you

I’m gonna hold you

Like I’m saying goodbye

“So what do your friends think of this? Did you tell them about this plan before?”

“They knew I liked you but-”

“Ha! I told you they were going to end up together before the end of the evening! Branch owes me big time!”

Ari’s voice shattered the atmosphere and Wani turned to see the k-pop trolls grinning at her a few metres away.

“You made a bet?” she yelled and they burst into a fit of giggles.

“Enjoy your evening Wani! We’ll talk when we get home!” Kim-Petit yelled as they ran away.

“Those little demons,” the k-pop troll huffed and Tresillo grinned.

“They just love you. Now are you going to dance with me or keep complaining about your friends?”

He let out a yelp when she dipped him and gazed into his eyes.

“Dance with you obviously.”

And they danced for the rest of the evening, their laughter filling the space and their feelings no longer a secret.

It felt great to have set boundaries with Tresillo and he respected it which made it even better.

He didn’t complain when they didn’t hold hands walking back to her house and when it was time to say goodnight, he was expecting a hug.

He never expected a kiss on the cheek from her and he melted immediately when she kissed him.

“You are going to have to warn me when you do that,” he whispered, breathless.

“Sorry, guess it is me calling the boundaries right?”

“No, I meant when you kiss me because I was not ready for that. The boundaries are not a problem,” he said.

Wani sighed happily and hugged him.

“You are absolutely wonderful. Thank you Tresillo. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Wani. I’ll see you soon.”

She gave him one last kiss on the cheek before opening the door before she was tackled by her friends.

“Wani! How was your date?” Gomdori asked

“Yeah you gotta tell us everything!” Ari squealed.

“Guys slow down I just got back!” Wani yelled.

“Wait did he walk you home? That’s so sweet!”  Kim-petit gushed.

“Uh...I’m right here...” he said with an awkward smile and they registered that he had just witnessed them tackle Wani to the floor.

“Oh hey, Tresillo,” Baby Bun said, getting up off the floor and offering her hand out.

He looked confused as he shook it and Baby Bun nodded.

“As the eldest of our group, I’m warning you that if you hurt Wani in any way, we will destroy you.”

The blue k-pop troll's jaw dropped and before she could protest Tresillo spoke.

“She means a lot to me. I never want to hurt her and I will do my best to make her feel cared for. If I hurt her in any way, feel free to know some sense into me.”

Baby Bun seemed satisfied by his answer and gave him a rare smile before walking inside.

“Goodnight everyone. I’m going to sleep!” she announced and one by one the other girls said their goodbyes and walked inside.

“You handled that really well,” Wani said impressed, "Baby Bun is usually overprotective but you seemed to pass the test."

“What can I say? I’m the smoothest troll you know,” he winked and she shoved him playfully.

“Goodnight. Sweet dreams,” she said as she closed the door.

“Goodnight.”

As he walked away, he could hear the k-pop trolls ambush her again as she entered the house with screams and squeals and he smiled.

I think we’re going to work out just fine Wani.

He hummed the last few verses of Psycho before looking back at the house one more time.

We'll be okay.

[gottlem]

summer fl(in)g. part 2 (gigi x crystal)

summary: after lockdown, Gigi and Crystal find it hard to keep their chemistry in person. Will they ever figure out how to get it back? (3.6k)

The first time Gigi and Crystal see each other in person after lockdown is with Jan and Jackie. Jan had insisted in their little group chat that they all meet up as soon as possible, and it just so happened that everyone was already free - having been unable to make any plans due to complete uncertainty of the future. But that’s in the past now. It was finally time to go and see friends, hug them, appreciate the things they had taken so easily for granted. Like how full the park was - before the lockdown, the four would have bitched about the excitable children and ignorant adults. But today was different. Today, sat in the same park they had been in many times before, felt like a turning point in everyone’s lives. They laid out a checkered blanket onto the grass (Gigi couldn’t risk the stains and Jackie didn’t like how the grass made her legs itch) and started their small, last minute picnic. 

The cool summer air enveloped them in a welcome hug - it was starting to become a little cooler, with the hottest part of summer being in the middle of lockdown. Of course they were disappointed in missing the heat, but they knew how necessary the lockdown had been (a/n STAY INSIDE) and couldn’t complain when they were finally outside and feeling the refreshing breeze on their exposed skin - it was (thankfully) still just warm enough for shorts and t shirts, giving the girls a quick taste of summer before the clothes would have to be swapped out for jeans and sweaters.  

Crystal loved how vibrant everything looked. She adored the way the grass was just so green, and the sky so blue. And Gigi was so Gigi. They sat next to each other, their bare legs ever so slightly brushing up every now and again, sending shivers down Crystal’s spine. She only hoped that Gigi was experiencing the same electricity. Crystal felt stuck, she was so scared of getting too close to the girl and scaring her away. She cared about what they had too much to risk it for the chance of something more. 

Everytime Crystal smiled, or laughed, Gigi would find herself absolutely captivated by the sound. It was intoxicating to her. What she loved more, was the fact that every time her ears picked the sound up, Gigi would find that she was the first (and only) thing Crystal would look at. It made her feel special. Like maybe what they had started during the lockdown wouldn't be wasted. Though, she could never describe it that way, even if nothing else came out of it all, the time couldn’t have been wasted when she found so much joy within the memories.

“Gigi. G. Gig. Genevieve. Babe” That last word was what took Gigi out of her thoughts. She was suddenly very aware of how close Crystal’s face was to hers. Turns out, she had completely zoned out and now all she could think about was how good Crystal smelled. She wondered why she hadn’t noticed before, but the realisation came crashing down onto her soon enough - she had never actually been this physically close to Crystal before. Though, it was difficult to believe, with how much they had bonded. All Gigi wanted was to stay like this forever. Stay close to Crystal forever.

But alas, Gigi had been taken out of her trance, which was Crystal’s cue to sit back, and return to stealing subtle stares at the girl. Gigi caught every single one, and returned it with double the intensity. That’s all they could do. Look. Admire. Appreciate from a distance, all the while longing for so much more. They could have a whole conversation with their eyes, but neither would admit it. Not to each other, not to themselves. Not yet, anyway.

The day out is filled with laughter until the sun starts to set and the girls start to get chilly. Crystal had brought an extra jacket (because of course she had) and gave it to Gigi, without trying to think about it too hard. Jan and Jackie had both spotted how the interaction had made both girls turn impossibly red, and giggled amongst themselves, instantly catching onto what was happening, and remembering when they were in the same boat a few months prior. They decided to let them figure it out themselves - it would be fun to watch unfold, and meddling would only complicate things. Though, even if they didn’t know the full story, it seemed to be pretty complicated already.

When Crystal returned to her apartment, her face stung a bit from the cold, Gigi having been given the warmer of her two jackets. And the only one with a hood she could have used to at least try to stop her ears from freezing. The warmth from her apartment was comforting as she made herself a hot chocolate and let herself relax after the day she’d had. She was exhausted from being around a group, a group that included Gigi, for so many hours, but she relished in the way it made her feel. She was content.

When Gigi returned to her apartment, she went straight to her bed and almost passed out. But before falling asleep, she let her thoughts wander to the green haired girl she felt so deeply towards. It had become her routine, her guilty little pleasure, to let herself imagine what could be if she just told her how she felt, what she wanted. But she didn’t want to lose what they had. What if she didn’t feel the same and suddenly felt too awkward to keep up the flirty banter? Or worse, what if she felt exactly the same and they started dating, only to lose that spark they had. She shook the thoughts out of her head - thinking like that wont do her any good. But then again, neither will imaginary scenarios filled with light touches and gentle kisses. It didn’t take her much longer to fall asleep fully, with Crystal’s hoodie hanging loose on her small frame and her perfume comforting her senses.

Two weeks passed after the lockdown was lifted, and the small group had met up countless times, trying desperately to make up for lost time. Gigi and Crystal stood next to each other, taking in each other's presence but barely talking. They were so scared to ruin what they have by speaking, they were just ruining it by avoiding each other. Everytime they returned back to their apartments, they would spend their time drowning in thoughts about the other, dreaming up the things they weren’t bold enough to do in real life. 

Crystal hated the silence. She had gotten so used to calling, so used to spending her waking hours on the phone with Gigi: chatting, laughing, flirting. She kept waiting to hear her phone to ring, or to get a text. She just wanted something. Something to show that what they had was still there. And as if Gigi could read her mind, despite being blocks away, she got a text.

goodemorning: hey. i’m gonna call u, if that’s ok?

Crystal could feel Gigi’s hesitation from the way she had typed out the message. Gigi was just as scared as she was.

CRYstal: ...when has it ever not been ok? ofc u can call b

The call was slow. And awkward. Their dialogue was stilted and it felt like they were walking on eggshells around each other, their new dynamic being achingly polarizing. They tried to idly chat about nothing, just like they would have three weeks ago, but to no avail. They both knew they were holding themselves, and each other, back.

“Ok, no, I can’t deal with this anymore,” Gigi took a breath before continuing. Crystal froze up. “Listen I’m just gonna say this; what are we? I mean, we talked so much on lockdown, like, so fucking much and then all the flirting started, I mean, you call me babe for fucks sake, so, what does it all mean? Because this isn’t how friends act, Crys, you know that, right? This isn’t how ‘just friends’ act around each other, you had to have known that. You had to! Cause God knows I do, far too well.”

Gigi hadn’t expected to sound so angry. She wasn’t angry. Or maybe she was? She couldn’t really tell anymore. All she knew now was she felt horrid watching the tears prick behind Crystal’s eyes at her words, and instantly wanted to go back in time.

“Hey, no, don’t be upset. Look at me, I’m not mad, ok? I’m not mad. I’m just confused. I just want to know what’s going on because it’s just too much right now, so please just, talk to me?”

Crystal took a breath. She had been waiting for this moment. Waiting for one of them to finally acknowledge that there was something more going on here. There was no going back now - so that's why Crystal asked:

“Why don’t we try a date? We could go grab some coffee or something. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work and we can go back to being just friends”

In reality, Crystal hated the idea of it not working. She would do anything to keep their relationship as is. The flirting, the electric touches, they kept her going. Made her feel wanted. Gigi agreed to the offer in an instant, letting out a breath she was holding and physically relaxing at the way the unspoken had finally been spoken.

But they were still both terrified.

Crystal was the first to arrive at the small cafe. It's a quaint little shop - quiet, not too empty nor too full. Perfect for a first date. In theory. In practise, the first date has more to do with the compatibility of those in attendance. This shouldn’t have been a problem for Crystal and Gigi, they could spend hours and hours talking to each other from the safety of their bedrooms. Apparently doing this in person is easier said than done.

Gigi walked in nervously and Crystal was overwhelmed the moment they locked eyes. Gigi joined her at the table she had taken up in the corner. They sat opposite each other. The tension could have been cut with a knife. Crystal sipped on her tea she had ordered not long before, and Gigi stood up slowly, announcing she’d get herself a drink.

When she sat back down, the conversation didn’t pick up as well as they had hoped. It didn’t really pick up at all. Suddenly they were reduced to simple small talk, as if they had never even met before. Crystal could feel Gigi’s knee touching hers under the table. It didn’t spend sparks flying through her body. She felt uncomfortable. She didn’t know what to say anymore, it was like the title of this being a ‘date’ had taken every word out of Crystal’s mouth. The thing was, she still felt so strongly to Gigi, she wanted more than anything to have that cliche moment of figuring out if a kiss goodbye on the first date was too much, of laughing at stupid jokes, of interlocking picky fingers until they’re bold enough to preoperly hold hands. She wanted that with Gigi. But she felt awkward, like their chemistry had vanished.

Gigi wasn’t any help either.  She would stare off, deep in thought. But it wasn’t like how she had stared before. No, before she would stare at Crystal with what might have been described at love in her eyes. Pupils wide, smiling contently. Now she looked right through Crystal, trying to come up with something good to say, but coming up just as empty as Crystal had. While the date wasn’t completely silent between them, it was undeniably awkward. Unlike any interaction they’d had before.

When Gigi finished her coffee, she left. Excused herself and apologised that the date hadn’t lived up to expectations. Neither knew who, or what to blame for it. Crystal didn��t leave straight after. She sat there for a while, ordering another tea and letting herself get lost in her thoughts. Just as she felt tears behind her eyes, Jan walked in. Despite the fact that she was still in the corner, feeling small as ever, the blonde spotted her instantly, her face falling when she saw Crystal’s glassy eyes. As soon as she had her latte in hand, she sat down by Crystal.

“What happened. Why are you alone? Did someone stand you up? Oh my god I’ll kill them. Do you want a hug?” 

Jan had never been the best at comforting upset friends, her constantly high energy often not matching the mood of the room. Crystal didn’t mind. They had all gotten used to it, and knew the myriad of questions she would ask came from love. Crystal let out a sad giggle at Jan’s energy despite the situation, and nodded to say, yeah, I do want a hug.

Jan always gave the best hugs. She held on tightly, giving a little squeeze every now and again, as if trying to either take her friend’s pain away, or pass on some of her own happiness. When Crystal started lightly crying onto her shoulder, Jan just hugged tighter and whispered to her that it would be ok, and that she wasn't going anywhere. She waited for Crystal to pull away first, and when she did, she wiped her tears with her thumb and gave her the softest look.

“I had a bad date”

Neither Crystal nor Gigi had mentioned their date to their other friends, but Jan wasn’t surprised when she started to tell the whole story of what happened. The two girls spent a couple hours in the corner of the coffee shop, Jan refusing to leave until Crystal was back to laughing and smiling again. She couldn’t do anything to help Crystal and Gigi sort themselves out, but she could be a shoulder to cry on. And sometimes, that's all you need.

When Gigi had left, the first thing she did was ring Jackie. She explained everything, from how much they had talked in lockdown, to the failed date. Gigi was confused. Jackie somehow wasn’t.

“Y’all are forcing it. You made this connection when we were all stuck inside, and now suddenly things are different. You’re trying to act like things aren’t. Of course it’s gonna be awkward. But if you stick to that stupid ‘stick to being just friends if the date fails’ agreement, I’m kicking both your asses”

Trust it to Jackie to make some sense of the situation. 

After the date, Gigi and Crystal were scared to talk to each other at all - flirting or not. This is what they were scared of, and yet neither were bold enough to make a move to get them out of it. A few weeks passed, and they had barely exchanged a few words. They would steal glances at each other during group outings, but the other never seems to notice, or at least not pay attention like they used to. Crystal remembered when Gigi would purposely brush her hand on her thigh when they were sitting next to each other.  Gigi remembered when Crystal would wink when she caught her staring. They didn’t do that anymore.

The last week of summer had the four friends buzzing with excitement - Pride was finally happening! It was supposed to happen much earlier, but couldn’t go ahead due to the lockdown. Everyone was beyond pleased when they found out Pride had only been postponed and not cancelled, and would be taking place at the end of Summer instead. Jan, Jackie, Gigi, and Crystal didn’t even have to ask for them to go together - they had been going as a group every year since they had come out to each other. Over the years, they started to get more and more excited for the event.

It was surprisingly warm despite the time of year, but it allowed the group to enjoy the sun. The energy of pride was hardly ever dampened, but it was often a bit more difficult to have as much fun when it rained, or if it was a little too cloudy. That, thankfully, wasn’t the case this year. The four met up an hour before the parade, just as they did every year. Gigi and Crystal were scared of ruining each other's fun, worrying that their presence would make the other feel awkward. But somehow, the atmosphere surrounding them threw that possibility out the window as soon as they locked eyes. Each girl had dawned rainbow colours, and Gigi had done the most beautiful pride-inspired makeup. Crystal was in awe.

As the morning passed, the group had visited every stall, collecting an array of freebies. Each girl had an arm filled with multi coloured wristbands and were starting to warm up to the day ahead. Gigi and Crystal stood next to each other, brushing their arms up close and smiling intimately at each other. Now when Gigi stared, Crystal stared right back, winking in the exact same way she had before. Somehow it wound Gigi up more than she was used to. By noon, the pair were joined at the hip, hands intertwined like their lives depended on it. Conversations flowed naturally, and Gigi was back to hearing the laugh she had grown to love over the past few months.

In the early afternoon, Jan and Jackie left to ‘get some food’ while Gigi and Crystal stayed on the huge field, periodically getting themselves another drink. In their tipsy state, the girls couldn’t help but giggle at their friends' departure, knowing fully well they didn’t leave to get something to eat (well, food at least). Neither girl was accustomed to drinking during the day, but pride was an annual exception, so they allowed themselves to get a bit tipsy - it was pride after all. Barely anyone was 100% sober, and if they were, it was usually because they weren’t old enough to buy any alcohol.

Later on in the day, they found a small tent, music blasting from speakers inside it and filled with people dancing like nobody was there. Crystal pulled Gigi in, giving her no other option but to dance with her. They stayed in the tent for an hour or so, bodies getting dangerously close as the time progressed, but neither girl was complaining. It was as if they were daring each other to come closer and closer.

They left the tent when the main stage started to gather a bigger audience, opting to join everyone else on the open field. Their hands stayed intertwined as they danced and sang along to the live music , the buzzing atmosphere egging them on to stay impossibly close. Crystal found herself looking at Gigi more than she did at the stage, feeling hypnotised by the way she smiled. It was a smile she Gigi wasn’t even thinking about - she was truly happy, enjoying herself by Crystal’s side. Crystal smiled just as wide and just as truthfully. 

The pair decided to move to the back of the crowd when Gigi started complaining that her feet hurt. While it was the truth, it was really just an excuse to sit down with Crystal, who put her head in her lap the second she sat down. Gigi found herself not caring about the grass stains this time. The sun had started to set, and cast a dreamy golden light on the pair as they began to sober up and take a moment to relax with each other after the crazy day.

They fell back into their rhythm quickly, with Crystal’s head in Gigi’s lap and Gigi playing with her green hair. They were both so comfortable. So content. Happy. This is what they wanted, this is what they had expected for their date. However, Gigi had spent the whole day getting progressively closer to the other girl, and she was starting to get sick of coming to what seemed like a dead end. She decided it was time for that to change.

“You know Crys… I remember you promising to give me something when the lockdown finished, remember what it as?”

~

“When this is over, I’ll kiss you, don’t even worry about it” Crystal was only half joking. GIgi went red, but tried to act as if the thought of Crystal kissing her didn’t phase her at all.

“Oh will you now?”

“I’m not kidding”

“Well. I’d very much like that Miss Methyd”

~

She didn’t quite remember at first, but it didn’t take her long to understand exactly what Gigi wanted. 

“Well, I’d hate to not stick to my word”

“Then what are you waiting for?”

Crystal answered that question by bringing her face up to Gigi’s and planting a firm kiss on her lips. From the start it was certain, and wanting. They stayed like that for a while, letting the sounds of the music grow smaller until the only thing that existed was their touching lips and hands in each other's hair (well, Crystal's hair, Gigi had kept hers shaved after Crystal kept saying that she thought it was hot). When they pulled away, they didn’t say anything. Crystal rested her head back into Gigi’s lap and smiled up at her. Gigi smiled back.

Jan and Jackie joined the pair not long after, as if they had been watching and waiting for something to finally happen between them before they interrupted. And maybe they had been. But none of them seemed to care.

That night, Crystal went home with Gigi. They made up for lost time, taking in each other's presence and the way their bodies worked together as if they were made to fit, and they never let go of eachother until morning.

[sarasmallmanwrites]

A-Level Playing Field

Nobody wanted my opinion on this, but it’s hard growing up poor. 

1988. It’s that damp kind of evening outside, clouded by condensation on the single glazed windows, and the smoke from my Nan’s Benson and Hedges. We’ve just had tea – this is North, of course – and everything is accompanied by slices of springy bread heavily lacquered in ‘soft spread’. The gold foiled butter is, usually, saved for my grandad, who works at a fibreglass factory. It’s a very long way away (actually 3.7 miles) and he leaves on his bike every evening with three rounds of tinned ham sandwiches in his bag. Tonight, my mum is out until half nine, working in the care home in the next town, picking me up at ten-ish, depending on how fast she walks. My mum is 27. Five years out of a loveless marriage, living in a council house, she has no qualifications but is working for her City and Guilds and her English ‘O-Level’, GCSEs haven’t hit our vocabulary yet, and won’t until my second cousin Mark does his two years later.

Tonight is Thursday. Nan goes out on a Thursday, which means she will leave the house at half seven in a haze of Vitapoint, Elnett and Lily of the Valley, to play Bingo at the local club. I am being looked after by Alan, my mum’s younger brother, living at home, working in the Mill that overlooks the town below like a stern Victorian overseer. He’s always grumpy, stuck in a town that has no opportunities, and no visible exit. The eighties have been cruel to young, working-class men. The vehement cry of ‘get the fuck out’ hasn’t reached our town but will do in eight years time, on a wave of Britpop, New Labour, cigarettes, and alcohol.

My uncle looks to the television for nightly escape. Thursday is Blackadder, it’s Not The Nine O’Clock News, it’s Comic Strip, it’s A Bit of Fry and Laurie, it’s Red Dwarf, it’s shipwrecked and comatose, and me engrossed on the couch, not sipping mango juice, but milky tea (the North!), as my uncle laughs his head off in between cigarettes. My mum returns, smelling like TCP and the outside, with salty, vinegary chips, and we eat them as we walk the newly tarmacked paths under the orange street lights. I ask her what a goldfish shoal is. She tells me to shush.

I decided that weekend that I wanted to be funny. I mean I could make people laugh when I did my Cilla Black impression, so surely that was a start, and thank to Carry On films I was brilliant at ‘Infamy, Infamy!’, I knew this because my grandad (the cleverest man I knew) had told me so. Even though I was only in Junior One, I knew that you had to be taught how to be funny, that there was definitely some kind of class that you would have to take to learn it, because I had never really been a natural at anything; apart from whistling, which I did with gusto in shrill, high- pitched tones wherever I could.

I read a lot, especially the paper – particularly the Daily Mirror, which probably explains why I am always heavily weighted to the left, and not just because of my ineptitude in heels – and found out that Hugh Laurie, who is obviously the funniest man I have ever encountered, went to Cambridge and was in something called ‘The Footlights’. Then was it, I decided. I was going to go to Cambridge and join ‘The Footlights’ and be funny like Victoria Wood and Dawn French. I imagine ‘The Footlights’ to be a rag-tag theatrical group living on their wits, humour, and more importantly, Pot Noodles. I tell my Grandad that I want to go to Cambridge. He tells me not to be daft.

Now, when I think about it, wanting to go to Cambridge was not a preposterous idea for any child at the age of seven; you are at the start of your education journey. There is plenty of time to get better at things, to practice, to be coached, to improve yourself; but for a working-class girl, who would eventually be the first member of her family to go to university, I might as well have said that I wanted to fly to Mars on fairy wings. But, children who attend private schools are told from the age of four that Oxford or Cambridge are the end goals for their education, with any of the higher-performing Russell Group universities being something that they could settle for, at a push. I didn’t even know what a Russell Group University was until about three years ago, and why would I? For me, in my small artsy primary school with forty children across four year groups, a dismissive attitude towards formal English education, and a liberal fancy for devoting the whole of the summer term to the end of year show, this was not something that was even thought about. Oxford and Cambridge were places printed on the back of books, they weren’t places that you went to university. In fact, most of my primary school teachers hadn’t even been to university but received their qualifications at the local teacher training college; the only exception is a brown jumpered gentleman with a penchant for using cupboards as a disciplinary technique. 

We’ll skip forward a few years later, and high school is a vigorous mixing bowl of talents, it takes until at least year nine before anyone even notices who I am amongst the squall of kids churning about in KS3. Dinner is pink sausage meat wrapped in a translucent puff pastry duvet, a treat even on the hottest days when the fat sticks to your lips; and the terms pass in a haze of cheap cider (the kind that tastes like sick), the floral pout of Cherry Lypsyl, and Chris Evans on the Radio One Breakfast Show; who is hastily snoozed every morning before I smell the lukewarm coffee my mum has left by my bed before she goes to work.  At this point my mum is a newly qualified nurse at the hospice two towns over, her fingers raw from hand sanitiser, but with rolls of antiseptic scented micropore tape that I use for a cacophony of projects. She is on nights right now, spooning gravelly granules of instant coffee into a mug, blurry from sleep, I am cobbling together a mask out of old Cornflake packets, stuck together with nursing supplies and painted with nail varnish that went past its best around the same time as the Thompson Twins. It is 1995, and the country feels like it is on the cusp of something.  I don’t know what, but I’m looking forward to the Year 2000 because I will be fully grown. Well, nineteen.

But what about Oxbridge? Well, for starters, if you attend a state school you have to be so immediately impressive to your teachers that they discuss you in the staffroom. It’s not enough to be good at one particular thing, you have to excel across the board. You have to be so amazingly shiny, that even the most jaded teacher in the school cannot fail to be dazzled by your brightness. For state school kids, Oxbridge is not something that they suggest to the average 10 A*-C kids, it’s not something that they even dangle in front of 10 A*-B kids who are pretty good. At state school, you have to be exceptional for your teachers to even consider you as a candidate, and then you have to achieve enough A*s in your GCSEs that you might as well open a Planetarium. Even then, all they can really do is say ‘I think you could go to Oxford or Cambridge, you know’, or flag you up to the local authority careers service as ‘potential Oxbridge’. There is no Oxford Fast Track programme in state schools, even for exceptional kids.

In a recent social media fracas, one lady proclaimed that if you gave kids a level playing field then poor kids would always triumph because they were more resilient - all those Crispy Pancakes, surely? But for children from a working-class background, we’re not even on the playing field yet; we have to borrow trainers with non-marking soles, scrape around for a quid for the bus. By the time we get to the playing field, we have already been running around for half the day trying to get there, we miss the warm-up because we were late and, honestly, by this point, we’re just knackered because we’ve had to work so much harder just to get there in the first place.

The warm-up is a given to those whose parents have been able to pay for their education – they even get complimentary orange slices for afterwards, just for extra pep and vigour. There are Oxbridge prep classes, extracurricular activities slanted towards the Oxbridge admissions interviews, and chances to take unpaid internships during the summer using family connections. It’s not just that though... it’s little things like knowing it’s pronounced ‘Barkshire’, not Berkshire, it’s when you use a napkin, it’s spending a week skiing at Courchevel. It’s olives. 

In 1998, I don’t know any of these things and, even if I did, my accent with its flat vowels and its Lancashire intonation would give me away in a heartbeat, because I sound like I’ve fallen off a pit pony on my way back t’mill. Things change quickly though. My mum has a baby. A screaming, mewling little boy born during The Simpsons on a Friday evening in October. Now there is absolutely no money for luxuries, and when our TV gets nicked, we end up using the small portable from upstairs. My Nan lends me money here and there to get to college, but it only covers the bus fare, and the small endowment that I receive  - supposedly to cover driving lessons - gets swallowed up with everyday things that seventeen-year olds shouldn’t have to pay for. I’m working for 4 hours a week in Woolies too, £3.10 p/h to stand around the toy department in a slippery polyester blouse the colour of synthetic mint ice cream, before skulking off to the bookshop to spend that money on things for college.  Nothing fancy but, by this point, I am well on my way to being a ‘Funny Girl’, studying a raft of ‘arty-farty’ A-Levels and English thrown in for good measure. The Cambridge Footlights hardly crosses my mind anymore, because Oxford and Cambridge are reserved for the kids doing the hard sciences, maths, law, politics, things that you need a calculator for. You don’t get into Oxford with A-Levels in Theatre Studies, Media, and Performing Arts, despite what they tell you about diversity.

Oxford or Cambridge do not offer a typical British university experience, and how can teachers who have never passed through the rigorous and exhausting Oxbridge admissions procedure be expected to offer any kind of advantage to their gifted and talented students? If you are a working-class parent relying on underfunded, underpaid and overworked FE lecturers to help coach your child through this, then you are immediately on the backfoot compared to a child whose parents can afford private tutors, admissions booklets, and interview coaches. This is no reflection on sixth form teachers in FE establishments across the country, who do all they can to nurture the kids with Oxbridge potential, but when some classes haven’t received new textbooks for two years, where students are encouraged to photocopy their own materials to save costs, you can see where the class difference begins to draw attention to itself without the need for neon yellow highlighters.

My UCAS book arrived in September; an impressive, thinly papered tome with a glossy black and white cover, University Colleges and Admission Services stamped across it in orange. It smells like a cross between the Argos catalogue and a phone book, which I feel is rather apt given that it contains the codes of institutions and courses that will break me out of this godforsaken town: a cypher that I etch out on the application form in black biro.

London

Southampton

Buckinghamshire

Preston

Liverpool

Manchester.

I don’t want to go to any of the bottom three, of course, far too close to where I came from to be relevant.  My second cousin Mark’s stint at Sheffield Hallam seemed to be an excuse for his mum to visit his ‘digs’ once a month with catering sized tins of Nescafe, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t quite looking forward to edging the lid off with a knife and stabbing through that ridged foil. My mum writes a cheque out in her secondary modern handwriting, crossing her fingers that they won’t cash it until after payday.

The discrepancies between low-income working-class families and those with a better income also show here too - this can be something as simple as slow internet connection, not having a working laptop and doing work on smartphones, access to transport, costs for travel to visit universities. Things like this are not included when factoring in costs for students from low income. How can you visit all the different university campuses, with all the travel costs and maybe even overnight accommodation, when your parents can barely afford to keep the lights on? There was only one institution that I wanted to go to. London Institute, a glamourous collection of art colleges that included the London College of Fashion, Central St Martins, and, more importantly for me, The London College of Printing.  The competition was fierce, but I was shortlisted for an interview in the capital with a former editor of the Daily Mirror. My house was showered in happy expletives that day. Even in 1999, tickets from Wigan to London were over £50 for a pre-booked return. My mum cashed in all of her Clubcard points for the ticket. But, just for me, because she hadn’t bought enough milk to cover the cost of two tickets. However, I must have impressed Tony Delano in that office in Clerkenwell, because he gave me an amazingly lowball offer meaning that my A-level results became a terribly graded self-fulfilling prophecy.

Oxford is different from usual universities in that there are colleges, thirty-nine in total. You might have seen them on University Challenge – Balliol, Trinity, Emmanuel, Brasenose – or from reading the Wikipedia pages of any of our last three Prime Ministers, including the incumbent Boris Johnson, who graduated with a 2:1 in 1987. That’s the other thing – you don’t study something at Oxford, you read it – you don’t start your studies, you matriculate, for which you need a robe. Now, I have been told by helpful and obstinate alumni via social media that Matriculation Robes are £25, ex-hire. However, I have also been told by a current Oxford student that the robe cost is £50 minimum, and no-one would dare wear a secondhand robe as ‘everyone would know’. It’s immediately singling yourself out as a Weasley in a room filled with Malfoys.

The accommodation costs are comparable to London prices; however, this does not cover the Christmas break, which means everything needs to be packed up and stored. Not only do you pay for the storage, but you pay for the boxes too. Much to my disappointment, no-one nips out for a Pot Noodle either, students are expected to dine ‘in hall’ (again, more cost!) where you can choose between an informal and a formal sitting – where your gown is required. I imagine for a working-class kid attending Oxford or Cambridge is very much like cosplaying on a Harry Potter set, but without the magic of a bottomless purse. There are balls too at the end of each term, formal affairs with ticket prices over £50. Again, said the former alumni, you don’t have to go! It’s not obligatory!

But let me tell you a harsh reality. Nothing ostracises a poor kid more than not being able to join in because they can’t afford it. Nothing. And we might have great friends who would all chip in and pay for our ticket, or lend us the money, but there is something very working-class about not wanting people to know that we can’t afford it. Surely we should not be asking these young adults who have studied and worked against all odds, to have a second class university experience because they know their parents won’t be able to help. You can’t even get a job to supplement your income either; the majority of colleges stipulate this, and as someone who had to work two term-time jobs at a much less prestigious university to live (even with the glorious student overdrafts of pre-austerity Britain), this really hit home at how much I would have struggled financially if I had gone to either of these institutions.

Recently my daughter applied for university. We get in the car and visit a university each week, driving miles up and down and across the country. We fight over choices and analyse each course based on employability, and whether or not she would like it. The process is completed in clicks and feels much more clinical than twenty years earlier, but rather than heading into unchartered waters, I have a map. It might be old and tattered, but I have a much better idea of where we are going now. My daughter believes that the meritocracy is a lie, and she tells me this in sharp, pointed tones as we receive her A-level results on a rainy Thursday morning. She goes to University in September and spends the autumn sending me videos of the Minster, or tutorials on how to swear in Japanese. She is only the second person in our family to continue on to higher education. I don’t just mean in her generation. I mean in total. We are the exception, not the rule.

One of the first questions someone at Oxford was asked by a fellow student last year was ‘private or state’, she replied ‘private’ and was met with a smile. There was no need to ask who the state school entrant was, as she queried the partridge and asparagus served for dinner – ‘this chicken is tough. Is that grass?’- and arrived for the formal sitting with her gown covering a denim skirt and shimmery top underneath. Private school teaches these things, no desperate faux pas for Isobel or Jeremy, whereas state schools do not have the resources or the knowledge to run classes on etiquette for the small number of their students that make it through the intense application procedures. This is not saying that low-income children should be discouraged – not at all – instead, it is saying that there is something inherently wrong with the system. At private school, you are disappointed if you don’t get into Oxbridge, whereas the state school child who gets in is an extraordinary anomaly talked about for years in hushed tones of reverence by the faculty.

And this is the issue with saying that children are on a level playing field, that everyone is measured on their own merit; because it is not true. For children on very low incomes, the odds are unfairly stacked against them, and the issues such as 2020’s disastrous A-Level results just add more bricks to an already near-insurmountable wall.

[nakoujou]

Detention: One-Shot

In which Class A gets detention, and the only priority is to find out who got caught making out in the boys’ locker room (Crackfic, slight Todomomo, warning for lots of cursing).

---------------------

They had only wanted to escape the gruesome, summer heat. An innocent group text inviting everybody to sneak into U.A.’s swimming pool. It was supposed to be a chill kickback, just to lounge in the cooling sensation of the waters. 

But here they were on Sunday afternoon, stuck in their homeroom to write a 5 paragraph apology essay after Aizawa and Midnight caught them. Nobody wanted to be here, already struggling to deal with one of the hottest days of July. Midoriya wondered how many would actually complete the assignment. Half of them were already dozing off, defeated from the cruel heat waves seeping through the window.

Aizawa-sensei - already annoyed from the normal school week - entrusted supervision duties to the only other student worthy of disciplining his troublesome classmates and not ignoring curfew.

"This is an embarrassment to our class!” Iida yelled, unraveling the list of strikes. “Underage drinking, unsupervised Quirk battles, inappriopriate ki-”

And suddenly, everybody’s energy zapped right back at Iida’s loud gasp. It wasn’t like their Class President to halt in the middle of a lecture, clenching the paper.

Iida took a big gulp, lowering his head as his hands shivered. “’I-I-Inappropriate kissing in the boys’ locker room.”

Across all desks, Class A shared the same expression: wide eyes, jaws dropping, blood-curling screams blasting from their mouths. 

“KISSING??!!!”

“Are you shitting us?!” Ashido gasped. 

“Wait, everybody at the pool party is in detention right now,” Tsu pondered. “Which means...”

"WHICH FUCKER HERE GOT A HICKEY?!!” Kirishima screamed.

“H-Hickey?” Yaoyorozu gasped, covering her mouth. “W-W-Why-”

“So innocent, Yaoyorozu!” Sero teased her. “No guy takes you to the locker room without gunning for second base.” 

"W-Wait! We should be more respectful of the person. What if they’re not ready to talk about this?” Midoriya said. Whoever it was here, he couldn’t imagine the embarrassment they were feeling right now.

“We’re Class A! We’re family, and family tell each other everything!” Ochaco declared. “We need to know!”

“URARAKA HOW COULD YOU??!!” Midoriya wailed. He thought she would at least be on his side.

“We’re not that close,” Ojiro muttered. Except no one cared to admit that.

“Mou, which two lovebirds here got some good action?” Hagakure giggled.

“Everybody needs to calm down and resume the essay!”

“Come on, Iida, I bet you wanna know too.”

“This shit is fuckin’ stupid,” Bakugo groaned, head falling onto his desk.

“Let’s go to the boys’ locker, find a bra, and match it to the girls here!”

“Mineta, don’t be disrespectful! It’s rude to target only the girls!”

“Iida is right. And who’s to say it’s a hetero boy-girl relationship? We should be considerate of those feelings when we talk about this,” Yayaorozu trailed off, twiddling with her jacket sleeves.

“Yaomomo has a point,” Jiro replied. “Still...”

“It’s definitely a guy and girl in this room, mark my words!” Kamimari declared.  

“So that rules out Bakugo.”

“WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, EAR FREAK?! NOT LIKE I WANNA KISS YOU BITCHES ANYWAY!”

“Language, Bakugo! Especially when it comes to our fellow sisters!” Iida lectured.

“That’s right, we must cherish our sisters!”

“They ain’t sisters if we’re shoving our tongue down their throats,” Bakugo scoffed. Iida and the rest of the class glared at him.

“Well, it ain’t Uraraka cause Midoriya would faint,” Kamimari laughed.

“W-W-W-WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING???!!!!”

“M-m-m-m-m-me k-k-k-kiss--” Midoriya stuttered under his breath, avoiding any eye contact with Uraraka.

“I have a theory-”

“We don’t care, Bakugo.”

“FINE! GO WASTE THE HOUR WITHOUT ME, WORTHLESS EXTRAS!”

“It ain’t Ashido; she would have told everybody.”

“Ne, why are we so focused on the girls when it was in the boys’ locker room?”

“Tsu’s right,” Yaoyorozu complained. “Why don’t we start with the guys first?”

“They make a valid point,” Shoji replied. “Since it was our locker room, we need to interrogate the guys first.” 

“Let’s be real; which guy in this room actually has a chance to kiss, let alone makeout with a girl?” Tokoyami spoke for the first time. 

The room fell into a swift depression, with Kirishima, Bakugo, and Kamimaro glaring at him.

“That’s so cruel...” Yayaorozu tried to hold back a snicker. 

“Aren’t you speaking about yourself too?” Uraraka pointed out. Tokoyami shrugged. 

“Recognizing one’s weakness is the key to greatness.”

“YOU’RE SAYING NO GUY IN CLASS A HAS GAME?!!!”

“HOW COULD YOU BETRAY US, TOKOYAMI?!”

“I’LL GET ALL THE GIRLS TO PROVE YOU WRONG, BIRD SHIT!”

“Regardless of who it was, this is a highly inappropriate discussion. We should respect our friend’s privacy and get back to your essays.” 

“Iida, don’t be a buzzkill.”

“But seriously, which guy here did it?!”

“Not Aoyama; he only loves himself.”

“This is hard; Tokoyami is pretty right about the guys in our class,” Tsu sighed.

“Look, everybody,” Midoriya walked to the front of the class. “This is fun, but someone here may be dealing with feelings they’re not sure of. What if it’s a new relationship they don’t want to reveal yet? Plus, we’re now making fun of each other for being single.”

The shouting subsided, followed by slumber faces. Murmurs spread across the room, and Midoriya could hear their regretful tones among each other. Midoriya dared to glance over the Uraraka, who gave him an approving smile. He stood up straighter, spiked with a new confidence to face this ordeal. 

Yes, it is always right to protect someone...

 “If this class is family, the we have to act like one: Give them their space, and be there to support when they need us.”

“As expected from Midoriya...”

“Such a powerful speech!”

“It’s so much better than me, the person entrusted to lead Class A through good and bad! I have failed as your President!” Iida cried.

“So everybody’s given up, huh?”

Everybody turned back to Bakugo, sitting with his arms crossed and a grin that looked ready to unleash the next natural disaster.

“What do you gotta say, Bakugo?” Jiro snorted

“I dunno, will everybody finally trust my god-given talents?”

“Get on with it,” Shoji sighed.

Bakugo raised his hand to the ceiling, everybody rolling their eyes at his dramatics. Then, his pointer finger landed straight directly at...

“Yaoyorozu?!” Midoriya gasped. 

“Our Class VP?”

Yaoyorozu, however, did not flinch, She shook her head, unfazed. “Now you’re just being ridiculous.”

“I can see through your shit, rich girl.”

“It’s not funny, Bakugo! Yaoyorozu would never!” Uraraka defended her friend.

“Isn’t it obvious?! She’s been too diplomatic, playing peacekeeper but getting all riled up. Telling us to interrogate boys first so we wouldn’t suspect her. Also...” Bakugo grabbed his own shirt collar, lifting it slightly as he motioning towards Yaoyorozu. “Her jacket has been zipped up the whole time, and it’s a fuckin’ sauna in here. When does Ponytail ever cover up that much?”

Midoriya caught the first hint of red flush appearing across Yaoyorozu’s cheeks. Sweat beads begin to form on her forehead.

“W-W-Why does that m-matter?” Yaoyorozu scoffed, fiddling with her jacket collar. Strange how Midoriya didn’t notice that until now. As if she was hiding...

“Take off your jacket,” Bakugo demanded.

“THAT’S SO PERVY, BAKUGO!” 

"YES BAKUGO, BREAK HER BOOBS FREE-”

“YOU’RE THE LOWEST OF THEM ALL, MINETA!”

“SHUT UP! I DON’T CARE WHO BOUGIE PRINCESS MAKES OUT WITH, WHAT MATTER IS THAT I AM RIGHT!”

“OH MY GOD, BAKUGO HAS TO BE THE CULPRIT!”

“ONLY YOU WOULD SINK SO LOW TO ACCUSE YAOYOROZU!’

“DID NOBODY HEAR ME?! I HAVE REAL EVIDENCE!” 

“I bet he dragged Kirishima and Kamimari for a good three-”

“Stop!” Yaoyorozu cried. “it was me, OK?! Is everybody happy now? Can we not taunt Bakugo like that and just finish up detention in peace?” 

Yaoyorozu unziped her jacket and lo and behold, the evidence was there. A small, purple bruise...right on her neck. Midoriya couldn’t believe it; Yaoyorozu Momo had lured herself. Not only as a rule breaker, but something even more critical to this situation. If not, worsen the mood.

“WHO GAVE YOU THAT HICKY??!!!”

“WHICH FUCKER HERE GOT YAOYOROZU??!!”

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL THE GIRLS FIRST?”

“THIS JUST GOT WORSE!” 

“I WAS RIIIGGGGHHHHHTTTTT!!”

“AHHHH YAOMOMO HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!”

“YOU NEVER HAD A CHANCE, MINETA!”

“DON’T EVER UNDERESTIMATE ME AGAIN!”

“It wasn’t anybody here,” Yaoyorozu grumbled, avoiding everybody’s death glares. However, Midoriya could still see her face reddening with each second passing.

“THEN WHO??!! CLASS B DOUCHES?!”

“PLEASE, YAOYOROZU, ANYBODY BUT CLASS B!”

Midoriya got startled when Tokoyami tapped his shoulder. He nudged at Midoriya to speak privately, away from the chaos of their classmates and the unfortunate victim that was Yaoyorozu.

“I don’t want to make this a big deal with them but...” he whispered under his breath. “...The only students who knew about the pool party was our class, but someone’s missing.”

“Ah, you’re right! But why does that...” Midoriya drifted off, coming to a silent conclusion alongside Tokoyami. “Wait, you don’t think it could be...”

------

“Normally, I throw everybody in the same room, but given the circumstances of your delinquency...” Midnight began, lips gradually transforming into a mischievous grin. “...It made sense to keep you two separate.” 

“Works for me,” muttered the young sixteen year old, as he mopped the teachers’ lounge.

“Think of this as a generous favor, Todoroki-kun. No one will know about you and Yaoyorozu yet.”

The emphasis on “yet,” which Todoroki tried hard not to cling to. Unfortunately, it backfired in mere seconds when he heard the voice of his explosive classmate hollering throughout the entire building.

"IT’S HALF-N-HALF BASTARD!!!! I KNEEEEWWWWW ITTTTT!!!!”

————————

That’s a wrap! I hope you guys enjoyed this fic! Please feel free to leave any feedback as I’m always striving to improve as a writer.

[dansnaturepictures]

23/08/2020-Cape Cornwall, Botallack and pictures and experiences at the cottage either side: Once again all these photos different to ones I tweeted from my time away

Today we did something that was a surprise idea and something we did not expect to at all this long weekend, and made the trek from where we’re staying near to Oakhampton, Devon to Cape Cornwall and Botallack in the vicinity of Land’s End in Cornwall two standout locations of our wild Cornish September 2019 holiday to see if we could see two star birds there that we did last year which I wouldn’t see anywhere else this year another of my favourites the Chough and a B lister for me the Manx Shearwater. Since 2016 the beginning of my working life holidays particularly as well as all time off have increased in importance for me with long summer holidays and the like no longer something I can enjoy. And the lineups in each year since, particularly 2018 and 2019 although 2017 taking in locations we already know well was good too have been amazing with so many memorable trips away from home and smashing stuff happening in them wildlife and landscape dominated and mostly both. In my 2019 holidays particularly the last to Cornwall I really realised how content I was going away to different locations in my own country and doing what I love wildlife watching and photography. So places like these I took to my heart. When we left Cornwall, doing a second trip to Cape Cornwall mostly to walk the dogs before we left due to practicalities and because we loved it so much, I sort of thought I treasured these places so much and I wouldn’t see them again for another three or four years if I was lucky. I said to my Dad before coming away at the possibility of if we didn’t see a Dipper yesterday which we did in the end at Fingle Bridge in Devon our main bird target, maybe crossing the Cornish border to go to Boscastle where we’ve seen them before a little bit into Cornwall that would feel strange in a good way returning to Cornwall so soon. But to actually be going to the places we were at last year, in this crazy rollercoaster of a year was something else.

The day started in a wild way as I saw and photographed a spider in the bath in the cottage we stayed in a similar one to one I got a memorable photo of in my en suite at home on the second May bank holiday Monday.

After a long journey in which we saw a lot of birds of prey, plenty of Buzzards they seem to rule the skies along main roads in this part of the world with Red Kites yet to really reach, Kestrel in Cornwall on a wire near to our destination and possibly a Peregrine too we arrived at Cape Cornwall. As I saw the distinctive hill with the monument at the top which I became so used to from my photo of it last year and the memories I let out a smile as we drove to get parked. This all felt a bit like in 2016 when we holidayed in Snowdonia but did a massive journey within a holiday going to Anglesey for the day going to the very edge of the land today like we did then. This was where we were supposed to holiday this June but obviously couldn’t and have postponed that and where we saw Choughs in 2016 a target again today so Chough was one we were expecting to get a chance to see this year so this opportunity now substituted this well. One notable thing of that Anglesey day trip was the heather looking nice and purple perhaps ahead of it turning its peak colour in our local New Forest not so much this year it’s turned nice there already but it was one similarity.

We had a lovely walk around Cape Cornwall today in brilliant sunshine and really reacquainted ourselves with this place taking in the views similar to last year photograph wise. I took the first picture in this photoset as we walked up the hill showing the bright blue sea and glorious purple heather. We also saw birds we had done well here last year, lots of Ravens, Buzzard I saw them at each place today too and seabirds such as the scores of Gannets flying over the sea young and old, Fulmars and Shags as well. I also got some intimate moments with gull species here today, seeing a Herring Gull very close particularly and lots of Great Black Backed Gulls flying well. I took the second and third pictures in this photoset of a Gannet flying and the close roaming Herring Gull respectively.

I also saw a decent few butterflies at Cape Cornwall in perhaps the hottest weather we’ve had all trip. It was nice for it to be and feel so hot and sunny after a wet start in Devon for us today. This included Small Tortoiseshell, some Common Blues and most notably a smashing view of a Wall Brown. I finally got to see one and really make out its features this year one I had had two occasions of quick and flighty and quite distant views of prior to this point in 2020. I very much enjoyed seeing this beautiful mostly coastal butterfly for us up close and I liked taking a picture of it with my big lens with its wings closed which I tweeted. I took the fourth picture in this photoset of I believe Michaelmas daisies.

At this stage like the Dipper yesterday we had not seen a Chough and we were rather making hard work of doing so. I joked we were chuffed to see a Dipper yesterday but were we going to dip (out) on Chough today (to those who don’t know, “dip out” is a birdwatching term to mean you have missed seeing the bird you are looking for). But I kept the same motto as yesterday, we must stay positive and focused as it only took one moment for it to happen.

On the way back to the car at Cape Cornwall today we got that moment. The one thing had concerned me compared to two visits here last September was we had not heard the distinctive call of this scarlet-billed crow at all which we had a lot here last year. The Chough is a bird you’ve really got to be hearing before you can even think about seeing one. As we walked up the hill I heard two finally, and turned around and there were two black birds flying from where the call was made. I got them in the binoculars but could not quite see their beaks properly. My Mum had just about seen the shape of them but not the red colour and thought Chough. I needed that little bit more convincing as similarly sounding Jackdaws were by the shore to the left of where we were looking moments before so could have easily rose up. They looked more right for Choughs though and we walked back in the direction of the lower reaches of the hill where we’d seen them last year. Here we managed to see them again today sitting on the cliff and the pair flew frequently, but we saw their red beaks and were in no doubt now they were Choughs. We enjoyed a glorious few minutes with these precious birds we really did get so close to them, I felt very happy to see and hear them. Once again this weekend away patience had paid off. I took the fifth picture in this photoset of one of the Choughs.

As bird 171 in my year it did make me happy and made my year list my third highest compared to what I had seen on this date in previous years behind 2018 and 2019 my two highest ever year lists. It also marked the first time I saw one as one of my favourite birds which was nice, I had always been fond of them but last September after the holiday I added it to my list of favourites. There’s only six of my current list of favourite birds I am yet to see now, six I know I have not visited any locations I could see them or are just very hard ones to see so I did very well for seeing them this year. We left Cape Cornwall once more feeling very satisfied indeed.

We then moved onto Botallack and had a lovely covid-secure takeaway cream tea to eat on benches I always say you have got to have a cream tea if you come to the West Country and between this and a Devonshire one waiting for us when we arrived at this cottage in Friday we had a Devon and Cornwall one ultimately. At Botallack it started to cloud over as the weather forecast suggested but as the visit went on we saw quite a bit of the sun as well. It also looked very purple here perhaps compared to when we came last a few weeks later in the year last year into September thanks to the flowering heather. This meant three of favourite habitats have been combined this weekend away, heather, coast and water flowing through a rocky valley in woods over steep gradients and three of my most beautiful places to be. It was more of the same bird wise at Botallack with Choughs delightfully seen again over the café’ area and over the sea, Jackdaws showing well and a Raven seen sitting on the central chimney for a very long time which was great to see. I took the sixth picture in this photoset of this chimney with the Raven just visible and as the visit went on seventh, eighth and ninth pictures in this set of a view, another Buzzard and a view looking through the old tin mind buildings they have here in BBC Poldark country much of it was filmed here.

We were here mostly to try and sneak in seeing a Manx Shearwater as we did last year and my Mum has the last two years here, a bird we did not expect to see at all this year. We studied Gannets flying right to left across the sea as the day rolled on; we did wonder if we were too early to see a Manx Shearwater and we would have had more luck in September as we did all across this part of Cornwall las year. But we did just manage to see a few Manx Shearwaters flying over with the Gannets, making out their features. It was not my best ever views of this bird but it was good enough and meant I could tick them and enjoy seeing them a little. Whilst looking at the Buzzard and more Choughs it was a really nice atmosphere of arriving here and waiting until a point in early evening to see if we could see any quite magical really. The sea remained calm but perhaps the day got a little rougher and it was a weird sensation after weather lately being a bit cold this evening. I ended the day on 172 birds seen in 2020 something I reached in July the last two yeas so I am not too far behind really.

I took the tenth and final picture in this photoset of a lowering sun behind trees visible from the cottage when we returned that evening the sky looked stunning in the evening too as we drove home I took and tweeted some photos from a layby on the main road actually it looked that nice in the landscape. This ended two really packed full days away this weekend and I have loved being away so much. A perfect substitution to being at the Bird Fair, what a way to spend a summer weekend it did feel so hot and summery this weekend with okay some rain in places and I felt very happy and relaxed. I saw some top-class wildlife birds especially but butterflies and flowers too alongside other things and took in some varied and breathtaking views. Meeting some great people at a safe social distance along the way! So many photos produced again possibly some of my highest amounts ever each day and so many top memories made little and big.

Wildlife Sightings Summary: (Cape Cornwall) My first Choughs of the year, three more of my favourite birds the Gannet, Fulmar and Buzzard, one of my favourite butterflies the Small Tortoiseshell, Raven, Jackdaw, Carrion Crow, Shag, Herring Gull, Great Black Backed Gull, Oystercatcher not something you always see in this habitat but it is strong for, Stonechat, Swallow, House Sparrow, Wall Brown, Common Blue, moth and cricket. (Botallack) My first Manx Shearwaters of the year, three of my favourite birds the Chough, Gannet and Buzzard, Raven, Jackdaw, Magpie, Linnet, Woodpigeon, Herring Gull and Meadow Brown butterfly.

[wiseabsol]

WA Reviews “Dominion” by Aurelia le, Chapter 12: The Seal

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6383825/12/Dominion

Summary: For the Fire Nation royal siblings, love has always warred with hate. But neither the outward accomplishment of peace nor Azula’s defeat have brought the respite Zuko expected. Will his sister’s plans answer this, or only destroy them both?

Content Warnings: This story contains discussions and depictions of child abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and incest. This story also explores the idea that Zuko’s redemption arc (and his unlearning of abuse) is not as complete as the show suggested, and that Azula is not a sociopath (with the story having a lot of sympathy for her). If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, I would strongly recommend steering clear of this story and my reviews of it.  

Note: Because these were originally posted as chapter reviews/commentaries, I will often be talking to the author in them (though sometimes I will also snarkily address the characters). While I’ve also tried not to spoil later events in the story in these reviews, I would strongly recommend reading through chapter 28 before reading these, just to be safe.

Now on to chapter 12!

CHAPTER 12: THE SEAL

Alright, on to chapter twelve, “The Seal,” my favorite chapter of “Dominion!” This is going to be a much longer review than the others, so do be warned in advance.

 In regards to the author’s note, I do not envy the amount of research and posing you need to do to handle fight scenes in this story, but I admire how much work you put into it. I think the fight scenes really shine! The other points of discussion here are also interesting, namely regarding Iroh, who we’ll be seeing more interiority from as time goes on.

 Into the chapter itself! Oh lord, cricket wasps—I hate the insects in the ATLA world, I really do. So in this flashback, twelve-year-old Ty Lee has snuck over to Azula’s quarters and is watching her through the window, while hanging upside-down from a tree. God, I miss being young and able to climb trees like that with ease. But anyway, Azula is wearing one of her mom’s old robes during the hottest part of the summer, because symbolism and because Azula is sick as a dog. Ty Lee doesn’t know that yet, though.

 “Not at lessons, or meditating, or any of the other stuff Li and Lo said every time Ty Lee had tried to call on her in the past two weeks.”—This indicates that Li and Lo are aware of what is going on with Azula, and haven’t done anything to intervene on her behalf. Not that that would be easy, since Ozai is the Fire Lord, BUT—and this is key—in this continuity, they were Azulon’s concubines. Given that there hasn’t been mention of them having Azulon’s bastards in the main story (unlike with Iroh in “The Road”), this implies that Li and Lo had access to birth control. So they could have given some to Azula in the form of tea, or—since they haven’t revealed that they know what is going on to her—to Ozai to give to Azula. They would still be accomplices to Ozai’s abuse, but they could have done some damage control. They didn’t, though. Nor did Ozai. Maybe they all gambled on Azula being too young to conceive, which, A.) Is really gross, and B.) Is ignorant of them, since teenagers who grow up with good diets tend to have their first periods between ages 11-13. They should have taken more precautions. Or, you know, NOT forced Azula to have sex.

 I’m getting ahead of myself. Ty Lee is under the impression that Azula is trying to ghost her, and thinks something about Mai that I’m puzzled about: “Something about, they never said anything before—” I feel like this is about Zuko, somehow. Did he not say anything to Mai before he went into exile? I think it’s implied that they already had something going on before he left, given how quickly they got together after season two, but there might have also been a comic that went over how Azula got them together, and used their relationship to secure Zuko’s return home?

 “But those old ladies were Azula’s servants, right? So if they were lying to her, it was like Azula was lying to her….”—I think Ty Lee shows a touch of classism here, because she doesn’t consider the possibility that Lo and Li might be lying to her for their own reasons, or that they might be trying to drive a wedge between the girls. Heck, they might even think that Ty Lee is annoying and are just messing with her. She assumes that Lo and Li and Azula are all aligned, because she was taught that that’s what’s proper from servants—that they will align themselves with values of their employers and carry out their wishes. This might even be true in a healthy household, where everyone values each other and are pitching in to make their household a good one. But the Royal Family’s household isn’t healthy, and Lo and Li have more agency than Ty Lee gives them credit for.

 Also, it boggles my mind that Lo and Li, the concubines, are Azula’s servants. What in the world did the court think that they were teaching her? I can only assume it was things like cosmetics, fashion, and feminine arts like tea ceremonies, but goodness, weren’t there actual instructors for those, both in the capitol and at the Academy? Possibly Azula chased those teachers away, since Mai says in one chapter that Azula bullied their instructors at the Academy. But still, I can’t imagine no one raised an eyebrow at Lo and Li being assigned to Azula.

 “The other girls at the academy said Azula was a liar, even Mai did, but Ty Lee knew she didn’t lie about that. When Ty Lee was being annoying or childish or empty-headed, Azula told her so, she didn’t just invent excuses not to be around her. Mai said it was because Azula didn’t care what she thought. That was the only reason she was honest with Ty Lee. But Azula didn’t care what anyone thought except her dad, and she still lied to all of them….”

 We know that Azula lies and that she’s quite good at it, BUT I suspect that what was happening at the Academy was more a case of Azula being bluntly honest, and the people she was talking to not wanting to believe what she was saying. Also, with Ty Lee’s ability to read auras, she—unlike Toph—might be able to catch Azula in a lie, even if she can’t discern what the truth is based on her readings. So I think that Ty Lee has a better grasp on Azula than Mai does, while Mai is less likely to excuse Azula’s toxic actions out of sympathy for her.

 “She shouldn’t say goodbye to her friend while she was thinking all these unkind thoughts that probably—definitely—weren’t even true.”—She’s such a sweetheart. This is the chapter that swayed me to the Azula and Ty Lee ship.

 “Azula didn’t even know she was out here, Ty Lee realized. But she was practically impossible to sneak up on—“—Because she’s sick, Ty Lee. But also, it’s depressing that Azula is constantly on her guard.

 “Azula must not know Li and Lo turned her away, or she wouldn’t ask that.”—Told you, Ty Lee. They have their own agendas.

 Ty Lee discusses how Azula’s aura has appeared to her in the past, including this sad line: “Even forest green when she used to watch her mom with Zuko.” Azula has always been jealous of how close Ursa and Zuko were. I suspect that she wanted that closeness with both of them, especially her mom, but none of them knew how to connect with each other.

 “Her shadowed eyes were fever-bright, and only stood out more starkly for being lined with kohl.”—Azula, if there’s a day to not bother with make-up, it’s today. I know your little perfectionist heart won’t allow you to skip your routine, but if you’re spending your day vomiting and sweating, throw those cosmetics into the back of the drawer and don’t bother.

 “Ty Lee couldn’t remember the last time she saw Azula with her hair down….”—So no sleepovers lately, eh?

 It turns out that Ty Lee’s family are having her followed because they’ve made a match for her, and Ty Lee isn’t into it. Azula is similarly not into it and is confused, because it doesn’t seem to make much sense—Ty Lee is very young and has older sisters that still need to be married off, so this seems out of the blue.

 “Ty Lee hesitated at that. If she told her the whole story, Azula might try to stop her. She always agreed with her dad.”—There we are, it’s not her family’s idea, it’s Ozai’s. It’s sad that Ty Lee thinks that Azula will automatically side with Ozai on the issue, but it’s also a commonly held belief about Azula, and something that Ozai has cultivated. I don’t think that anyone has tested what might make Azula break from Ozai—the closest she’s gotten to doing so was when she lied to her father, namely for Zuko after Aang’s “death.”

 Ty Lee tries to deflect Azula’s questions by saying that her family wants to get her hitched before she runs off and joins the circus. And because Azula does, in fact, care about Ty Lee, she doesn’t laugh at the idea, but is instead hurt that Ty Lee is planning to leave—specifically, that’s she’s planning to leave HER. Azula is terrified of being left alone, now that Zuko, Ursa, Mai, and even Iroh have all left her behind without a backwards glance.

 “Ty Lee just glimpsed what looked unbelievably like panic on her wan face”—Ty Lee has never seen Azula panicked before. Or heard her curse before, which is what she does after vomiting into a vase. Ty Lee holds her hair back like a true friend. Somewhere, there’s a college AU of these two having a drunken night out and Ty Lee making sure that Azula doesn’t get vomit in her hair.

 “‘You’d think it’d stop after—’ She stopped then, like she only just remembered something.”—Azula nearly slips here, and I do have to wonder what she almost said. After the potion took effect and the cramping and bleeding started? I’m assuming that the expelled fetus would be too small to see at four months, but I don’t know enough about fetal development to know if that’s correct, and I don’t want to look it up.

 Ty Lee tries to ask her what she’s sick with, which Azula deflects. When thinking about what Azula could have said that she was sick with, I did wonder if Azula would have gone through a poison training regime at some point—been exposed to increasing doses of X and Y poisons to build up an immunity to them? Of course, this would have to be done under the supervision of a trusted doctor, and who knows if Ozai would trust a doctor enough for that.

 “A pulpy mash of what might have been crushed leave, shredded stems, and petals lavender and yellow”—I believe Azula has a double-dose of tansy and pennyroyal here. She also heats up her own tea, which I believe Iroh does too, suggesting that she has equally fine control over her firebending. Zuko, I think, is implied to overheat the water, making for bitter tea.

 “‘Just a miscalculation,’ Azula said almost to herself, and Ty Lee heard how she paused over the world, like it wasn’t her own.”—This plays into a couple of things. Azula has a deep fear of making mistakes, in large part due to being raised by an abusive parent who wouldn’t accept anything less than perfection, but also by the trauma of how own his mistakes have physically and psychologically affected her. It also adds another trigger to why Azula blew up at Mai at the Boiling Rock. Not only was she betrayed and abandoned by Mai, but Mai unintentionally reminded her of the pain from a past miscalculation.

 “dumped a heaping spoonful of some off-white powder into the cup and stirred”—I wonder what this was?

 When Ty Lee points out that Azula’s medicine doesn’t seem to be working, Azula says, “‘It just needs time,’” and I want to sit her down and discuss the sunken cost fallacy, and how you definitely don’t want to apply it to medication. Azula mentions that she wonders if she’ll ever get the taste out of her mouth, and I’m pretty sure she’d get nauseous if she tasted it again, given how aversions work.

 “‘I’ve been taking it every few hours, by Fa—by our physician’s orders.’”—This is an ugly little detail. It’s possible that Azula’s “reaction to the herb” later in the chapter isn’t due to it having an unexpected side effect, but because she had way, way too much of it because she followed Ozai’s orders, rather than her doctor’s instructions. Which isn’t her fault, by the way—it’s Ozai’s.

 “Ty Lee wondered if Azula could heat her hand to make it a hot compress, like the warm washcloth her Nana would drape on her forehead when she was sick. That always felt so good.”—I doubt that Azula has ever had someone give her a hot compress, so she wouldn’t think to do this.

 “‘Listen, you don’t have to run away.’ She drew a deep breath, as if bracing herself for an unpleasant undertaking. ‘I’ll talk to my father. He might get your parents to back off.’”—It’s so telling that Azula isn’t looking forward to asking her father for help.

 Ty Lee admits that Ozai suggested the match, and follows it up with others way that Ozai has tried to elevate her family that they’ve declined. Azula puts two and two together and realizes that Ozai—who presumably already got rid of Mai by putting Mai’s family in charge of Omashu—is trying to do the same to Ty Lee. He’s trying to isolate Azula from her loved ones, both because it lowers to risk of their secret coming to light, but is also a classic abuse tactic: make sure the victim has no one but the abuser in their life, and thus no one else they can turn to for help and support.

 “‘They’re a cadet branch of your family, from back before Fire Lord Sozin.’”—I’m surprised that Ozai hasn’t found a way to get rid of them. Also, Aurelia, you need to read the Kyoshi novels, because I think you would dig the Fire Nation politics in book two.

 “She didn’t start talking again when she saw the look on Azula’s face. It was like someone walled off the last window into her prison cell…. Ty Lee couldn’t guess where that came from, when the princess was the most powerful person she knew. But it fit. Somehow, it fit.”—This hurts so baaaaaaad. But yeah, Ty Lee, you were literally the only bright spot in Azula’s life, and probably the only one who loved her for who she was. Azula is looking at a future where she’s alone with her abuser.

 And what does Azula do in response? She puts Ty Lee first. “‘Then you have to go,’” she says, because if Ty Lee doesn’t run now, Ozai is going to find some other, crueler way to get Ty Lee out of the picture, and Azula knows it. When Ty Lee hesitates, Azula lashes out, trying to drive her away. But what she says is rooted in her own insecurities about being abandoned. In her moments of doubt, I think Azula genuinely thought that Ty Lee was looking for an excuse to leave her, too. Even though it’s apparent that Ty Lee cares about her.

 “‘Do you think I don’t know we were only introduced because your parents were trying to betroth you to Zuko?’”—That is audacious of a minor noble family, not going to lie.

 “her fingers clenching like they always did at the mention of her banished brother.”—Proof that Azula is upset about Zuko being banished, even if she can’t admit it to herself.

 “This was the first Ty Lee heard of it, but she guessed it might be true. It was beside the point anyway. ‘That’s my parents, Azula. Not me,’ she insisted, approaching the white-faced princess. ‘You’re my friend, and I care about you. I’m here because I want to be here.’”—Ty Lee is so precious and Azula should date her. Alas, queer relationships are illegal in the Fire Nation, at least during the time this story is set in.

 Azula continues to break down and is close to outright crying, which makes Ty Lee’s heart sink. We get this bit of info: “‘Don’t you remember how you felt when your grandad tried to arrange a marriage for you? I mean, I know you were younger, but…you wouldn’t want that for me, would you?’” So Azula was not pleased about having to marry her cousin, Lu Ten. I don’t think that info has quite been revealed yet—I think Ursa thinks about it later—but that’s what’s being referred to here.

 “She climbed the shallow steps to sit beside Azula, as close as she dared.”—Even back then, Azula didn’t like being touched. That or Ty Lee is afraid that Azula will hurt her, but I hate that reading.

 “‘What I want doesn’t matter,’ the princess spoke with an awful finality. ‘It never did.’”—Holy HELL does this break my heart. I’ve also been there, so I want to wrap Azula up in a hug, even though I know she’d hate that. Also, does Azula know what she wants? What SHE really wants, and not what the people around her wants from and for her?

 “‘It matters to me,’ Ty Lee said gently, and reached out to lay a hand on her arm in reassurance.”—Ty Lee is trying to kill me with this sweetness. She’s such a good person!

 Azula continues to rant poisonously at Ty Lee, and what Ty Lee doesn’t realize is that there’s a strong undercurrent of self-hatred in what Azula is saying: “but it wasn’t worth putting up with me anymore [ . . . ] was it?” She fully expects people to leave her, and is now actively trying to push Ty Lee away, because then at least she can tell herself that she was the one in control of how their relationship ended, rather than feeling helpless.

 And why is that trauma there? Well, because of Ursa. “‘You act like you’re doing me some kind of favor, saying goodbye when my mother didn’t.’” Ursa didn’t say goodbye to Azula. That would have left deep scars on her, even if the rest of her family and friends were supportive of her.

 Azula then says something that would be unforgiveable for most people: “‘You act like you’re my friend, when the only one stupid enough to believe that is you.’” Azula knows she went too far, because a few seconds later, “the princess had taken one step closer to where [Ty Lee] still sat at the end of the bed, something like regret written on her bloodless face.” I suspect that Azula would have apologized here, but then she collapses onto her knees.

 “Ty Lee was on her feet and down the shallow steps in an instant, her own hurt all but forgotten.”—Ty Lee is such a good friend. She asks Azula what’s wrong, but Azula can’t even think up a convincing lie.

 It’s mentioned that one of Azula’s hands go into her robe to clutch at her stomach, and when she draws her fingers away, there is blood on them. She’s bleeding badly at this point, but the heavy clothing is covering it up. At this point, a servant comes in and tells them that Ozai has summoned Azula, despite the fact that she’s very sick. Ty Lee is appalled, but Azula insists on going. Azula orders Ty Lee away, but of course Ty Lee isn’t about to go now.

 “She didn’t even get to hug Azula goodbye! And what she said about—about not being her friend…. Azula didn’t mean that, right? If Ty Lee just gave her time, she’d take it back, she’d apologize like she always did before.”—I think it’s undeniable that Azula behaves toxically towards her friends at points. Hopefully this will be something that she grows out of, but that is probably going take a lot of time and effort.

 Ty Lee, hearing Azula struggling to get ready, goes to check on her. “[Azula’s] shoulders slumped hopelessly, and she bit her lip so hard she drew blood.”—This really makes you feel for her. She feels like she has to look perfect in front of her own father while she’s severely ill. It makes me want to punch Ozai in the groin. Ty Lee helps her with her hair, which shows that she’s also very brave, as well as a true friend. Ty Lee is so underrated as a character, I swear.

 “The blood was gone from her fingers, and Ty Lee started to wonder if she’d only imagined it.”—Ty Lee is going to have the worst time when she puts two and two together that she was there when Azula was having her abortion. Also when she learns what Ozai was doing to Azula. It’s going to break my heart when it happens.

 Azula then gives Ty Lee her royal seal, which the chapter is named for. Azula gives it to Ty Lee so that Ty Lee will be able to get whatever she needs on the road. This will also let Azula keep track of where she is, but Ty Lee doesn’t think of that in the moment. Ty Lee tries to glomp Azula, but Azula braces herself as if expecting to be hit. “‘We’re not little kids anymore,’” Azula says, and I’m like, “Girl, you’re thirteen, yes you are.”

 Azula’s rejection of the hug hurts Ty Lee, but Ty Lee nonetheless stays in Azula’s room to wait for a real goodbye.

 “And sometimes when Azula’s dad sent for her, she came back upset. She might want to talk about it…. She wouldn’t want to talk about it, Ty Lee admitted [. . .] But she might want someone to talk at her, about stupid meaningless stuff to distract her. Azula acted annoyed when she did that, but sometimes Ty Lee thought she secretly liked it.”—This is so sad, given that we know why Azula comes back upset. I also relate to the distraction tactic. My friends and I use it on each other all of the time when we’re upset.

 Ty Lee considers staying a few extra days to make sure that Azula is feeling better, which definitely goes against Azula’s warning—but then, Ty Lee doesn’t know that she’s in danger. Ty Lee continues to wait for Azula, even after it gets dark. “Every time she looked up into that dark immensity, Ty Lee thought it looked like a giant mouth. Like Azula slept in a dragon’s maw.”—Oh look, a metaphor!

 In the middle of the night, Ozai comes into Azula’s room in a rage and starts destroying her changing screen, which is another abusive action—ruining her belongings in his anger, rather than anything belonging to him—and is probably also a metaphor, since the screen could represent her privacy.

 Ozai quickly realizes that Ty Lee is in the room and reigns himself in, though he’s still radiating rage, and Ty Lee knows that he could hurt her: “And Ty Lee knew a moment of blinding terror, when she imagined his big hands doing to her what they did to the screen….” She actually does think that he’s going to hit her at one point.

 He interrogates her on why she’s there, and Ty Lee thinks about how he and Zuko have the same eyes. It draws to mind that Zuko actually has the same explosive anger as Ozai, though he, at least, has the excuse of youth. Ty Lee, brave as she is, questions Ozai about where Azula is, and doesn’t buy the explanation he gives her.

 “‘She is a prodigy [ . . . ] My perfect girl….’ Something in his voice made Ty Lee’s eyes go wide. He talked about Azula like—like maybe she wasn’t those things anymore. Like something bad happened to her….”—Woof. First, she shouldn’t have to be perfect. Second, what’s happening to Azula is your fault, Ozai, not hers.

 “‘She will sit the Burning Throne one day, with the world for her dominion.’”—Title drop! “‘Nothing will divert her from that goal. Nothing [ . . . ] and no one.’”—What if Azula has different dreams, Ozai? What if she does something wild like fall in love? What is SHE wants to join a circus? Cirque Du Soleil, maybe!

 In any case, Ty Lee doesn’t get the hint that Ozai is talking about her, or that he sees Ty Lee as a distraction to Azula. Namely, a distraction from him and his ambitions.

 “Ty Lee spotted two servants halfway down the length of it. They scrubbed at a dark stain on the tile floor, working on hands and knees with their heads together, whispering. They fell silent immediately on spotting the Fire Lord, and redoubled their efforts, eyes fixed determinedly on their work and not on the young girl he led by the arm down a side passage.”—Oh, they absolutely know what’s going on with Azula. That he’s dragging another young girl down a hallway is not a good look for him, either.

 Ozai shoves Ty Lee off onto a guard to escort out of the palace. The guard, to his credit, is gentle with her. Once outside, Ty Lee considers trying to go back inside, wanting to prove to Azula that they’re friends. However, she heeds Azula’s warning instead, which likely saves her life, since Ozai would done something terrible had she ignored his threats. She would have become a security risk once she knew the truth, after all, and it’s not like she’s her family’s heir.  

 We flash forward to the present day, with Ty Lee reminiscing on what happened afterwards. Ty Lee wrote to Azula, but I strongly suspect that Azula burned the letters after reading them, and didn’t send letters back because she was worried that someone might use them to track Ty Lee down. That and she was pretending that Ty Lee had stolen from her, so no sense in acting too chummy. Also, Azula is Ty Lee’s “first and oldest friend,” which is cute and probably implies the same thing right back at Ty Lee.

 Ty Lee thinks about how Azula’s aura was different when they met again, and how Zuko’s was the same color for a while. She noticed that Azula was cold and lying all of the time (her aura colors meaning, “fear of the future, self-expression, or telling the truth,” “struggling to maintain control,” “anger,” and “survival-oriented”), and was getting worse and worse mentally, especially after Zuko left again. Eventually, it was so bad that Ty Lee was scared of her….

 But because Ty Lee is a saint, they reconnected at the asylum. When Ty Lee shows her the seal, Azula has doubts that she’ll put her name to anything again, and I’m like, “Please, there is no story if you don’t.”

 “Azula didn’t think she would ever get out of the asylum [ . . . ] Zuko refused to even consider releasing her. He would see she wasn’t crazy anymore if he just talked to her, but Zuko wouldn’t even see her. Yeah, Ty Lee knew they had a bad history, but wasn’t it a Fire Lord’s job to take care of all his subjects, even the ones he didn’t like? It made her mad just thinking about it, about him. Why wouldn’t he listen? Didn’t he care?”—Well for one thing, Ty Lee, if Zuko lets Azula out of the asylum, she’ll have to stand trial. She’ll also no longer be under his control, which he cares about much more than Azula herself.

 “Azula said not to come back for her birthday, but she didn’t say when to come back. And Ty Lee was left wondering if the answer was, well…never. No. Azula was her friend. She was as much, and meant it.”—So good to see someone having faith in Azula! You go, Ty Lee!

 In the present day, the other Kyoshi Warriors all know that Azula has escaped the asylum, but no one has told Ty Lee.

 “her skirts falling to cover the linen pantalettes most Kyoshins hadn’t even know were part of the uniform, until Ty Lee arrived.”—This is very funny, given what it implies about Ty Lee’s love of acrobatics.

 Aww, Azula is wearing her hair in a braid like Ty Lee taught her. I know it’s more practical for her long hair, but it’s also sweet (and smart, not wearing it in the traditional Fire Nation topknot).

 Ty Lee, our sweet summer child, thinks that Zuko let Azula go. “Azula frowned, and a guardedness stole over her face. For once, she looked more sad than angry at the mention of her brother.”—That stings. But the two go inside to discuss Azula’s escape more, since Azula quickly establishes that she broke herself out.

 Ty Lee’s house is a mess, because of course it is, but Azula doesn’t actually mind—probably too tired to. “Ty Lee stared. Since when was Azula fine with messy surroundings? She was such a neat-freak even when they were kids that she cleaned Ty Lee’s room unprompted practically every time she came over. One of the lesser-known benefits of having the princess for a friend.”—This is rather funny. I would also not be surprised if, in a modern setting, Azula was diagnosed with some form of OCD, given this sort of behavior.

 Azula is very chill and polite during this visit—you can see how much she’s grown when contrasting this to how she treated Ty Lee in the flashback—and perks up at the thought of food. Ty Lee starts to make breakfast, thinking about what Azula’s escape might mean. We get more about how the Kyoshi Warriors are still bitter at Azula, and how Ty Lee sticking up for Azula drove a wedge between her and the others. “Four years, and it was like they didn’t trust her at all!”—Probably because they don’t, where Azula is concerned.

 “And she would do just about anything for Azula. Anything but hurt another friend. She drew that line at the boiling Rock, and for all her doubts, Ty Lee didn’t think the princess would cross it again.”—Good, Ty Lee, I’m glad that you’ve set a boundary. Though you might want to be more worried about Mai now, since she would benefit from Azula being hurt or killed, and is still in demonizing Azula mode.

 Apparently, back when they were travelling together, Azula would start the campfire and then do firebending practice, rather than helping cook or set up camp, which was self-centered of her. There’s a faint echo of this set-up here, though it’s happening in Ty Lee’s home, and Azula stays put this time.

 Ty Lee asks when Azula escaped, and Azula admits that it was on her birthday—Ty Lee had visited two days before—and Ty Lee asks her a piercing question about why she didn’t want Ty Lee there for it: “Was it because—you didn’t want to make me choose again? Or because [ . . . ] you didn’t think I’d choose you?”

 Azula admits that there was some of both reasons in there, which Ty Lee is hurt by. “Azula had issues with trust, she knew that. But she still couldn’t help thinking, It’s like nobody trusts me at all! All she wanted was for everyone to like her. Was that so much to ask?”—This is self-centered of Ty Lee, but I’m amused by how this quote ends. No, Ty Lee, not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay. It sucks, but that’s just how life is. But she’s what, eighteen, so of course that will take some time for her to internalize. Even though I, personally, do think everyone should like her, because she’s great.

 “‘I would have chose you,’ Ty Lee said softly, seating herself beside the princess to put them on equal conversational footing. She reached across the table and their empty plates to grasp Azula’s arm. ‘It was wrong of Zuko to keep you there. I told him so, lots of times.’”—This is such a sweet moment and strikes a great contrast to the conversation they had in the flashback. Whereas Azula lashed out in the flashback and Ty Lee wasn’t sure what to do, now Azula is being vulnerable and accepting Ty Lee’s comfort. It’s really nice.

 “Azula looked up with a sad smile. ‘I know you did.’”—My heart!

 Azula then surprises Ty Lee by asking about her mother, Princess Ursa, and where Zuko searched for her. Mostly he searched in the colonies (have those reverted to the Earth Kingdom or are they still Fire Nation-owned?), but lost the trail at the Great Divide. That place is such a curse to our heroes, isn’t it?

 Ty Lee thinks that this is a new adventure to go on with Azula, which on the one hand, I would love, but on the other hand, I’m offended on behalf of the Kyoshi Warriors. Is she just planning to ditch them? Also, from a meta standpoint, she’d be third-wheeling later on. Azula gently shoots the idea down, but proposes that Ty Lee be her ally among her enemies. Not a spy, but a safety net. Ty Lee initially thinks about how Azula once burned her own safety net, but then thinks, “She’s not that person anymore [ . . . ] She’s changed.” Which I do think is true. Azula has a lot of lingering problems, but she does seem genuine about making things up to Ty Lee. So Ty Lee agrees to the deal.

 And then the eggs burn and Azula vomits at the smell. Azula reveals that she’s been getting sick a lot lately, which she chalks up to the Earth Kingdom’s food being too heavy. Ty Lee is skeptical of this, and then puts the pieces together before Azula does: Azula is pregnant! Ty Lee is pretty adorably excited about this, not noticing that Azula is quietly panicking, and asks who the father is, which is a line of questioning that Azula shuts down: “‘He’s married [ . . . ] and even if he weren’t, completely worthless.’”

 Ty Lee’s exuberance will not be deterred, but Azula is very much not excited: “I’m on the run from the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom both. This can only slow me down, and make it harder to hide. I should—“—Get rid of it. But Azula isn’t going to, even though she knows that it’s not strategically sound for her to be pregnant, let alone have a baby. At the same time, abortion carries its own, potentially deadly risks.

 “And an awful thought occurred to Ty Lee, one too terrible to put to words even. This whole time, she had imagined Azula falling in love with some handsome guard who spirited her away in the middle of the night, or a brave young general who always loved her from afar and broke her out of the asylum to restore her crown…. But she was pregnant, and alone. That should have been Ty Lee’s first clue something was wrong.”—Woof. She doesn’t think that Azula might have been assaulted here, but she does sense that there was nothing romantic in what happened. Also, her fantasies for Azula are so saccharine! XD  

 When Ty Lee asks for more info, Azula, blushing with shame, says, “‘I don’t—even remember most of it. It might have happened to someone else.’”—Confirming that she was disassociating in chapter seven.

 Azula starts crying and Ty Lee hugs her. Azula returns the hug and rambles about how this is another way for “him” to control her, and how much she doesn’t want him to have power over her, which Ty Lee doesn’t understand. But she’s supportive of Azula and tells her that she’ll get through this, because Azula always figures something out.

 Ty Lee takes Azula back inside and notices that her aura is a mix of colors, including lemon-yellow, which she thought happened when Azula was lying, but actually represents the fear of losing control. Which, you know, makes sense coming from Azula. The white with white sparkles is the baby.

 “Wow, Azula with a baby. It was hard to imagine. But he’d be next in line for the throne, after Lu Ten and Azula herself. Unless—did illegitimate children still inherit? Ty Lee should know this, she used to be a noble.”—Oh Ty Lee, sweetie. No, bastards don’t inherit unless they are legitimized by royal decree. Granted, it’s possible, even probable, that this child will be legitimized, though Zuko would have to be the one to do it. Unless Azula claimed the throne, in which case, she could do it herself. Which would be great. Upset that monarchal system, Azula, it’s terrible!

 “Or maybe she would have a girl! Ty Lee hoped she had a girl, one who looked just like her. Ty Lee wondered what the father looked like.”—Pretty dang similar, Ty Lee! Pretty dang similar!

 Kaede, one of the Kyoshi Warriors, comes knocking on Ty Lee’s door to tell her about Azula’s escape. You know, only a month late. Ty Lee yells to try to wake Azula up, because Azula is a light sleeper. Yeah, abuse trains you not to sleep too deeply.

 Kaede catches on to the fact that Ty Lee might have Azula around when she sees there are two plates set out, though Ty Lee tries to throw her off the scent by suggesting that she’s waiting for Shan Mo, her newest suitor. Oh Ty Lee, if only you were bi and dating girls too, then Kaede couldn’t catch you out on this lie. Apparently, the men take long fishing trips. Kaede insists on going in and checking the house out, but fortunately, Azula has already fled.

 Kaede and Ty Lee follow her into the woods. Kaede is shocked to see Azula looking like such a mess, and Azula, being a quick-thinker, loudly accuses Ty Lee of betraying her. It takes Ty Lee a second to catch on, and her response is hilarious: “You’re mean, and I hate you for ALL TIME!” Even if Ty Lee was an amazing actress, I’m pretty sure Kaede wouldn’t have bought this. Not when Ty Lee has been visiting Azula for years now, with her last visit being a scant two days before Azula broke out. The Kyoshi Warriors might even think she helped somehow, even if Ty Lee didn’t accompany Azula off of Ember Island.

 “Kaede had drawn her katana, but actually lowered it along with her fan to glance at Ty Lee in disbelief.”—Your distraction, Kaede, is why you’re about to get your butt whooped.

 There is some fighting, which is dynamic and exciting, but this cuteness is what sticks out to me: “Ty Lee couldn’t help grinning up at Azula, when the princess flipped overhead. It was always cool to see her combine firebending with the acrobatics Ty Lee taught her. It made her feel a warm glow of accomplishment inside, as if she were the one to pull that off.”—I blame you entirely for making me ship them, Aurelia. Stuff like this makes me want them to take over the palace and raise Azula’s baby together.

 Azula knocks Kaede out, and when Ty Lee goes to check on Kaede to confirm that she’s okay, Azula makes a sarcastic quip about what a relief that is. Ty Lee isn’t upset by this—she’s happy that Azula still has her sense of humor: “Most people didn’t realize Azula had a sense of humor, ‘cause it was kind of a black humor. But when she lost it, that was always a bad sign.”—Contrast this later to how alarmed a certain someone is by Azula’s dark humor, and how Azula reacts to it.

 “‘Listen, you’re going to be fine [ . . . ] You’re the most beautiful, smartest, perfect girl in the world!’”—First, be more bi, Ty Lee. Be more bi. Second, Azula just nods in response to this, as if she’s humoring Ty Lee’s views of her. She doesn’t actually seem to believe these things about herself anymore, if she ever did.

 Azula suggests that Ty Lee needs to be knocked out when the other Warriors find her, and Ty Lee reveals that she can do that to herself: “Ty Lee had ended up practicing that move on herself and volunteers of varying willingness a lot of times, before she got it right.”—Never change, Ty Lee.  

 Ty Lee doesn’t let Azula leave without a hug this time. Azula hugs her back, and also gives Ty Lee a backwards glance goodbye as she goes. How they’ve both grown since the flashback! Loving the parallelism here!

 As Azula heads out, she focuses on the negatives of being pregnant. She then has this truly depressing series of thoughts: “Azula took a moment to wonder if this was how her mother felt about her. If Ursa ever considered ending it, ending her before she ever came into the world. Her mother hadn’t wanted another child, Dad told her. Their marriage had already soured by then, and she was happy in her precious son. But Zuko was a weakling, her father knew it even then. So he demanded another, and her mother complied. She might have acted in secret to prevent him, maybe even did a few times before Azula…. But she could not deny him forever. So Ozai got his wish. And Azula got a mother who hated her existence.”

 First, Ozai had no business telling Azula any of that, and almost certainly did it to turn Azula against her mother and draw her closer to him. Second, this paints a very dark picture of Ozai and Ursa’s marriage—a picture we will later learn to be true. It shows the ugliness of a society where divorce isn’t permitted, and where wives are obligated to have their husbands’ children, regardless of what they themselves want.

 Azula then starts to consider herself as a potential parent. “Could she do that to a child? [ . . . ] Even if it lived—and with such unfortunate paternity, there was every chance it wouldn’t—could Azula give it that kind of start?”—The fact that she’s wondering this is a promising sign, even if Azula doesn’t realize it yet. It’s also relatable to any victim of child abuse who worries about mistreating their own children, someday.

 “You had a father who loved you [ . . . ] How many times did she tell herself that was enough? Enough that he wanted her, enough that he saw her worth?”—Azula, sweetie, if you have to tell yourself this, then it means you don’t have enough emotional support in your life, even from him.

 “This baby, if it lived, wouldn’t have even that. Her brother had been happy enough to take advantage, but he didn’t ask for this either. And Zuko never took responsibility for anything, unless it made him look good. His failings were always someone else’s fault. Usually hers.”—This is ugly, but also true about Zuko. I do think that he made progress in the show, between apologizing to Iroh and helping the Avatar. But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t slip up and fall back into old habits sometimes, especially where Azula is concerned. After all, how would she know that he’s grown as a person, when he’s never showed empathy towards her?

 “She blamed the hormones. She blamed her brother, damn him. Damn him. Halfway around the world, and still managed to ruin her life….”—I should note that while I’m not a fan of Zuko’s behavior, Azula is just as poisoned against him. She’s not wrong about this. But she’ll have to deal with her bitterness towards him too, someday.

 Azula runs into another group of Warriors and thinks, “They fancied themselves as defenders, not aggressors. Azula counted that about as smart as fighting with one hand tied behind your back.”—This might be a viewpoint shaped by her being a part of a colonizing force, rather than a defending one. I also notice that as she gives them a speech, she goes into a stance where one arm is shielding her core. That could just be a part of the form, but it could also be a subtle, unconscious way of protecting the baby.

 During the fight that follows, Azula uses Ty Lee’s techniques against the group, but never aims to kill them—something that can not be said of the Kyoshi Warriors, since they’re using live steel.

 “Azula considered them coolly when they fell back to regroup, failing to see the appeal. But then, Ty Lee always did have bad taste when left to her own devices. It was probably inevitable this would extend to her chosen companions.”—Somewhere, Mai is snickering at Azula’s expense. But also, have a little more faith in Ty Lee, Azula.

 “A minute’s swordplay, and they forgot that she could firebend. It might almost be funny, if it wasn’t just sad.”—LOL.

 “The rain of blows was almost more than Azula could keep up with, her training with blades being nowhere near as extensive as, for example, her brother’s.”—I’m shocked. Azula is admitting that Zuko is better than her at something!

 “Never bring a sword to a firefight [ . . . ] Sokka’s little tart might have told you so, if she ever bothered to learn.”—I think this might be the first time that Azula has referenced a member of the Gaang (sans Zuko) by name. It implies that she has a little more respect for him than the others.

 One of the downed Warriors says that the Earth Kingdom is planning to take Azula’s head off, to which Azula sarcastically remarks, “‘Trusting to the competence of others [ . . . ] Always a sound strategy.’”—I see Azula’s point that trusting strangers to do a job for you probably isn’t going to work out. However, she should know the value of teamwork, given her journey with Mai and Ty Lee. Possibly she’ll really embrace the concept down the road, but we’ll see.

 “And for all that Azula could probably blast enough of them to ashes to make an instructive example, that would hardly contribute to her friendship with Ty Lee.”—Ah yes, making up excuses for why you don’t want to kill people, Azula. Ozai would not have hesitated.

 As Azula passes through town, I’ll note there are many men in the crowd, so perhaps Kaede’s comment earlier referred to a specific group of them. Also, as they start to chase after her, Azula does something very cool: “Azula [ . . . ] punched the sand. And blue flames flared from her fist like phoenix wings, surging to twice her own height when they seared down the beach in either direction, drawing a line of fire in the sand. Her attackers scrambled back with gasps and a few yells, when her fire fused the grains to glass and leapt high to hide her from view, fed by her chi. Even those who fought the Fire Navy would not have seen this kata, taught almost exclusively for exhibition firebending. Azula herself hadn’t practiced it in a few months, and was gratified that she remembered it so well.”

 It shouldn’t surprise me that Azula knows firebending moves that are for exhibitions, rather than combat, but I love the thought of her tackling these moves just for the joy of it. In a different universe, I could see her taking great satisfaction in winning firebending competitions, possibly while in disguise so as not to sway the judges with her royal status. In fact, Aurelia, let’s maybe add that to the Aunt Tam AU. Tam wants her to join an extracurricular at the Academy. Trophies ensue, which may or may not end up in Tam’s china cabinet (which, knowing her, never actually contained china).

 Azula took a tourist boat from Chin Village to get here, which is a fun mental image. She makes a joke about hoping that the villagers can swim, but of course they can. Fortunately, she manages to get away on another boat, but thinks, “Was it going to be like this in every town that recognized her? How tiresome.”—I don’t want to say that’s what you get for being part of an imperialist regime and conquering the largest city in the Earth Kingdom, but…that’s kind of what you get when you do that! XD

 Ty Lee wanted to be an actress at one point. I think she made the right call by joining the circus instead, since it’s much more suited to her talents.

 “It had been six years to the day Ty Lee ran away for the circus”—That’s interesting. Ty Lee left a month after Azula’s thirteenth birthday.

 “An invisible weight seemed to settle in her stomach when she thought back to that, the worst day of her life until she lost the Agni Kai….”—This is very sad. Also, she admits to losing the Agni Kai here, rather than Zuko cheating by having a second.

 Now we return to the flashback we began the chapter with. This time, it’s from Azula’s perspective, and she isn’t doing well. She’s dizzy, in pain, and she’s bleeding heavily, enough so that her thighs are already covered in blood, right after she’s changed clothes. She’s worried she’s going to leave a trail before much longer.

 “No one could know, no one could ever know, she remembered, forcing herself to take one step, then another. He said, never tell….”—This is horrifying.

 “How could there be anything still left inside her? He said that this would end it, he said that it was safe. Their own court physician handed her the prescription, and told her how to brew the tea.”—But did he say how much to take? Also, why in god’s name weren’t you kept in the infirmary? Sure, that would risk someone finding out what’s going on, but if Ozai hadn’t summoned Azula, Azula would probably have bled to death in her bedroom. The only reason that she didn’t die was because a servant went to get a doctor. Alternatively, Ty Lee probably would have gotten a doctor, but either way, sending her to her room alone was a bad idea. You need to observe someone who’s going through this in case something bad happens. Which, you know (gestures wildly at the blood).

 “It was too late for these doubts [ . . . ] The time for doubt, if it had ever been, was gone.”—Azula, I’m going to be straight with you. You’re dying. It’s natural to have doubts now.

 “Her father was waiting for her, and she couldn’t disappoint him. Especially now…. He had said it was his fault. He miscalculated. She couldn’t have known. He spoke so softly when he said it, he didn’t even sound like himself. But that it happened at all suggested a lack of control. She had to prove she was still in control, always in control. She had to prove he could depend on her in anything—”—Or, maybe, and I know this is wild, Azula, but hear me out: YOU DO NOT NEED TO MAKE UP FOR YOUR FATHER’S FAILINGS. YOU ARE A CHILD. HE SHOULD BE TAKING CARE OF YOU, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. IF HE WAS TAKING CARE OF YOU LIKE A PROPER PARENT, THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED.

 Of course, I’m talking to a wall of text right now, but sue me, this part makes me emotional.

 Azula collapses, much to the alarm of the servant. Azula grabs her wrist and orders her to get a doctor, but the servant is “staring with eyes wide as saucers at something near Azula’s feet.” Which is blood, by the way—a spreading pool of blood. Best case scenario, the palace staff assumes that someone stabbed the princess. But in all likelihood, it’s clear to the servant what this is and what it means. If the servant is smart, she’ll say nothing. But I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a staffing purge after this, and I mean that in a very permanent sense.

 “A cold heaviness settled over her like a blanket of snow.”—I wonder how Azula knows what that feels like?

 “It was only when she was gone and the abandoned hall grew dim round her, that Azula let her tears fall. It was only then she let herself wonder, if her father intended this all along….”—Ooof, this hurts.

 “It was all training. She knew that, he knew that. But he had been very clear. No one else could know. They wouldn’t understand. It would mean the end of his reign as Fire Lord, the end of her place in the line of succession.”—Then why, in god’s name, did you do this, Ozai? Why take on this much risk? I daresay it’s overconfidence, since he didn’t foresee what’s happening to Azula right now, but good lord, he’s really something else.

 “He could always have more children [ . . . ] With someone who isn’t his daughter.”—God, I hate this. This poor kid!

 “But then…why send Ty Lee away? Azula grasped at the possibility. He must not want her to know what they did, but—But why bother to hurt you, when what he really meant was to kill you? She shuddered, bending in on herself. It occurred to her in that moment that there was something profoundly wrong with her life, if this was the only explanation she could find for it.”—There it is. For just a moment, Azula realizes what how nightmarish her life and her relationship with her father are. She’s going to bury this truth, but deep down, she knows that this is wrong. Even if it’s going to take her years to face it again.

 “She wished she hadn’t sent Ty Lee away. She wished it until the same image came unbidden to her mind, as when her friend revealed her father’s hand in this. Ty Lee with a scar like Zuko’s, smiling, still smiling until she winced. And the same pain blossomed in her chest as before, surpassing what she felt now as the sun surpassed the moon. She couldn’t let it happen.”—Azula loves Ty Lee so much, even if she’s bad at showing it. I think that if Azula had to chose between Ty Lee and her father, this tells us who she would pick, even if no one, even Azula, would believe it.

 Azula blacks out and wakes up intermittently in the infirmary over the following days. “She was in [ . . . ] the same bed they put her brother in when Dad scarred him, ironically enough.”—Yes, that sure is ironic, considering that Ozai’s abuse towards Azula is what landed her here, just like with Zuko.

 “Her father was never there when she woke. She wondered if he came while she slept. She wondered if she even wanted him to.”—Good. Be disillusioned with him. Don’t want him around. I think if you were in any shape to run away from him, I’d encourage you to do so. Catch up with Ty Lee and show off your firebending at the circus. I mean, I know Ozai would track you down soon afterwards, but I just want good things for you, Azula. Staying with him will not accomplish that.

 “He drew a chair up beside her bed and took a seat as if this were an invitation. Not that he needed one.”—I hate monarchies and patriarchies so much.

 Azula can’t even sit up from the pain, which Ozai frowns at. What a dick.

 “It was disrespectful not to look at him when he was speaking, but she couldn’t seem to do it.”—I wouldn’t want to look at him either, Azula. He’s awful. “And she closed her eyes at this, feeling as if the longer he sat there, the less air there was in the room.”—This is a bad sign, Azula, on top of all the warning klaxons and flashing danger lights.

 “She raised her eyes to his face and traced the line of his jaw, the arch of his brows, the slant of his eyes. All features he passed on to her.”—Ugh.

 “This was kinder than she could remember him being in a long time. It should have made her feel better. But it didn’t.”—She is so defeated here, and I don’t blame her for it.

 Ozai, being a despicable person, says that this never needs to happen again—not because he’s planning to stop her training, but because he now realizes that using birth control would be a good idea! Azula is understandably horrified. “She almost died, and he wasn’t going to stop.”—Run, Azula. Run away as fast as you can. You will die if you stay in this relationship. I suspect the only reason you didn’t was because of how the events in the show worked out.

 “He must have felt her hands jump under his, because Ozai tightened his grip, his hand grown hot enough to sear her skin. A warning of what she could expect if she failed him. Azula knew better than to betray any sign of discomfort.”—Aang, maybe you should have killed Ozai. I get why you didn’t. I get why the writers of the show didn’t want to go in that direction. But Ozai is a monstrous person. Even if he wasn’t trying to conquer the world and willing to burn whole chunks of it to accomplish that goal, how he treats his children is heinous.

 Ozai gives her a speech about why her training is important, and I’m sitting here like, “Cool motive, still sexual abuse.” There were other ways Azula could have learned this material—books, lectures from courtesans, maybe some experimentations of her own when she was old enough for it. Instead, the trauma from this abuse is going to haunt her well into adulthood. None of this is making her stronger, either. If anything, it’s left her vulnerable to inappropriate sexual advances, and has made it so that she dissociates during sex, rather than being present for it.

 “‘There will always be those who underestimate you, because you were born second, or born a woman.’ She knew he spoke from experience, and felt the same warm glow she always did inside, when he shared that with her. ‘Do not let it gall you as I did, my dear.’”—This would almost be sweet if Ozai wasn’t an emotionally manipulative jerk.

 “He stood then, and surprised her by bending to place a light kiss on her forehead, his big hand cupping her chin. He hadn’t done that since she was a little girl”—I hate him so much. This is also manipulative, though I’m not sure if Ozai realizes that that’s what he’s doing.

 “Your reaction to the herb was…unexpected. And Lao will pay dearly for it, once your recovery is complete.”—Lao vanished soon afterwards, never to be seen or heard from again.

 “I do not mean to harm you [ . . . ] I hope you never doubted that.”—But do your intentions matter when you DID harm her, haven’t apologized for it, and won’t change your actions to ensure her safety in the future?

 “‘I never did,’ Azula said quietly. That almost-smiled tugged at the corners of his mouth then, and she knew that he was pleased. It was the first time she succeeded in lying to her father. Azula felt hollow inside.”—Azula has lost her faith in her father. This isn’t a bad thing, though. What’s unfortunate is that she can’t and won’t leave him, even after all of this trauma. I suspect that she’ll think that she has to take care of him, because he’s a flawed human being who “needs” her. But something has broken here, and I hope that someday, she’ll be able to leave him behind. But it’s probably going to be a long time before that happens.

 And that wraps up chapter twelve! As always, thank you for the read, Aurelia!

 Sincerely,

WiseAbsol