#This is so me with my chronic illness symptoms core

[liquidstar]

maaannnn The Fatigue has been so bad lately i just want this day to be over so i can sleep. theres literally not anything else i could do... but i have to wait...

[system-of-a-feather]

I think a thing that people underplay is just how traumatizing being traumatized is in itself (and honestly being mentally ill in general, particularly dealing with 'severe mental illness') and I think a lot of that lack of discussion / awareness of how traumatizing it is comes from the fact that - in the moment - it doesn't really register as trauma. It registers as bad, but you really don't feel it as "trauma" until you heal enough that you can feel as though it has passed.

As a part that spent years stuck re-experiencing the same trauma over and over again, a trauma-stuck part perse, my core trauma was really hellish, but honestly, with how much I've come from there SINCE then, I don't find myself being brought back to that moment as explicitly anymore.

More than that though these days, I get brought back to when I WAS experiencing that chronic re-experiencing of hell over and over. I think back to falling into deep and disorientating flashbacks. I think back to knowing nothing other than trauma and not being able to see or talk outside of my trauma. I think back to being unable to tolerate stimulus from the world without being thrown into reliving hell. I think back to the sheer terror of my trauma, but I don't really go too far into the trauma itself.

It is easier and much more mild compared to the trauma alone, but even so, it's a horrifying and horrible experience to have.

I'm glad I'm out, but the memory of being in it still lingers with me - and that's okay. It's fair for me to feel this way, anyone in my situation would too. It's okay to be scared of going back, it's okay to get overwhelmed remembering what it was like to be so lost in my own mental illness and trauma. It's okay to have symptoms to the situation I was put into. It's not going to be a forever state and I am safe now. I am stable now. I am managing well. I am okay, even if I'm feeling complex and hard emotions / symptoms from a time when I wasn't.

And even though I am okay, that doesn't mean that the trauma of being severely traumatized is any less of a trauma.

[godlesshasideas]

Writing about Disabilities: Chronic Pain

When writing about anything you are not personally familiar with, research is your best friend. Don't use this post as a catch all and think it's all you need to write characters with chronic pain. This is far from all the information about it, but it's a starting point.

Here's some basic information that I have found and I've also included some of my own experience since I have chronic pain.

Information regarding Chronic Pain

First thing's first, what is chronic pain? According to John Hopkins Medicine, the difference between chronic pain and regular pain is that chronic pain is long-lasting (anywhere from months to years). Chronic pain doesn't stay the same level (0-10) for everyone; also, majority of people with chronic pain don't realize that the normal amount of pain is 0. It can be continuous or it could switch from 0 to 10 to 6 to 3 to 9 to 7 and so on so forth...

There are various types of pain as well: muscle, joint, headaches/migraines, and nerve. You can have one or you can have all of them. Personally, I have all four. The first three for me are chronic and the nerve pain is from a recent surgery. They all have different causes and I know some of them. For example, my migraines are genetic and very common in my family. The joint and muscle pain probably caused multiple things but I know for sure it's caused by the scoliosis I've had for over a decade. My entire body was developing unevenly. So my joints are weakened and different muscle groups developed unevenly (especially my back and core).

Here's some clinical resources for the different kinds of pain that just cover the basics:

Muscle related: Myalgia | John Hopkins, Muscle Pain | Cleveland Clinic

Joint related: Arthralgia | John Hopkins, Joint Pain | Mayo Clinic, Joint Pain | Cleveland Clinic

Migraine related: Migraines | Mayo Clinic, Migraines | NIH.gov

Nerve related: Neuralgia | Health Direct

Something worth doing in your research is to find blogs, vlogs, or influencers that have personal experience with chronic pain. Don't overstep and reach out to them about research for the character you're writing. If they are open to questions, feel free to just remember to be respectful. Otherwise, read or listen to their experiences and research more until you think you have a grasp of it. If you are unsure of something, you have a search engine at your finger times, use it! Remember to cross analyze information though because just because it says it one place online doesn't mean it's true in all cases.

Things to Consider about the character you're writing:

How long have they had chronic pain? Just because it's chronic, doesn't mean they've had it all their life. If they've had it for a while, they might be good at hiding their pain or masking. They also may be more aware of their body and their limits (ex. they know they can't walk more than x miles before being in pain). They probably have already figured out some treatments that help them manage the pain like pain killers or hot/cold therapy. If they only recently developed it, they're pain may be more visible (ex. they can't sit still because of pin and needles). They'll probably more vocal in their complaints of it as well.

What is causing their pain? Don't give your chronic pain just to give them something. Do they have an autoimmune illness or some form of invisible illness? Do they have something kidney stones? Do they have an illness that has flare-ups? If you're writing fantasy, did someone curse them with never ending pain? You don't have to flat out state it to the reader if you don't want to. You're allowed to make it unknown but as the author, make sure there is a reason you are writing a character like this. Make sure it has a role in the story you're telling. If you are writing chronic pain that's connected to a specific illness, remember to also research that illness. Chronic pain is usually a symptom not a diagnosis. If you look my own medical chart, it says I have a history of chronic pain and it's lists the kinds of pain. The only thing that is a diagnosis of pain is migraines (but those can also be a symptom it depends on the person).

**Once again, always do more research. Do not use this post as all you need. Anytime you write something or create a character that has something you aren't familiar with, you need to take the time to learn about it. Research Research Research!

[quaranmine]

🍉

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

very interesting question! i feel like i don't go into writing fanfic with the idea of "i'm going to use this to process things from my real life" and then it just bonks me over the head anyway. like writing is a process where you just cut yourself open and bleed all over the page, and half the time i don't even really realize what i'm doing

i write about a lot of things indirectly. there's pieces of things hidden everywhere. i don't necessarily share the same traumas and experiences of the characters i write about but it's like, oh, if you hold it to the light at this specific angle, you'll see what i poured into it. not all my fics are like this, some are just ideas i had, but i'm a pretty introspective person who puts a lot of thought into things so a lot of my fics are like this

i have this one watcher!grian wip that's pretty self-indulgent. i hope that i'll post it one day, even if it's just a tiny piece, but it's one of those fics that just got away from me a little even though i love the writing i've done for it. anyway in the fic there's some very specific things that grian struggles with and it took looking at it THREE MONTHS LATER for me to suddenly realize that it was just a repackaged fantasy version of my main personal identity/social crisis i was going through then 😭 it was actually really funny to me i was like WOW i literally didnt even know what i was actually writing about when i made this but it was On My Mind i guess

there's also occasional references to my experiences with chronic illness/autoimmune disease in my fics. i've fortunately been in remission for several years now, so my current chronic illness experience is mostly just "abled adult without any symptoms or pain who is just permanently on medication and slightly immunocompromised." it affects my day to day life very little right now fortunately but the years when i was super sick were some of the worst of my life and are like. VERY core memories of my teenage years. anyway, there's a specific bit of HTBAHB where i draw on that some--specifically, grian's very mixed feelings about being a watcher and if he'd change it or not. with my autoimmune disease, if you gave me an opportunity to take it away or cure it i would accept in a heartbeat. but if you let me go back in time and prevent myself from ever having it? idk if i'd accept. as painful and traumatic as it was, it also very much shaped me how i am today, and the idea of extricating myself from that is strange. maybe the me of the past would have been happier, but she'd be a totally different person. anyway! other people probably have a different take on their traumas and experiences depending on what it was and its affects, so that was a very personal perspective there. additionally i have also incorporated some of this autoimmune disease experience into my listener!jimmy headcanons, but i haven't been able to complete and publish my wip that is About That

firewatch au is also just. extremely this. i'm very sorry but it's gonna be pretty devastatingly sad throughout and y'all just gotta let me have this because somewhere along the way it went from "interesting fun idea i had last year" into "something i Need to write" lsjdflsjfslf. i haven't grieved or lost anyone in the extreme way that grian has, but i think there's just. so many types of loss and grief in the world. lost friends and family (via death or otherwise), lost relationships with people you used to care about so much (and still might care about), lost opportunities and lost chances to have lived a different life or made different choices, the collective loss of living through the pandemic, the persistent environmental and climate grief that stalks my entire chosen career. there will be things that pop up in this story that are referenced from my real life, and things that pop up in the story that align with my own fears/anxieties.

anyway this is why writing is the most terrifying hobby ever i am like really out here every day doing this and then publishing it for strangers on the internet to read and hoping they don't read me too hard

fic writer asks

[jbankai89]

Well, last night was a blaring, neon red flag that I need to go low or even no-contact with my family. Buckle up, this is gonna be a long one. It's taken me a little time to figure out how to phrase this, but let me lay it out for you. I live out of home, and I am on welfare because my doctor refuses to believe I'm sick enough for disability. Last time I tried to ask for disability, newly diagnosed with debilitating IBS symptoms, she gave me ONE MONTH of disability benefits and that was it. I supplement my income any way I can, but it's far from enough. Last year I had gallbladder surgery and thank the gods I live in Canada, or that wouldve been another expense I couldn't afford, and I'm already on meds for depression and anxiety, and I'm on a waiting list to be tested for GERD, as I get painful oesophageal spasms that leave me completely wiped out for the rest of the day. So now to the point of why I am making this post. Last night, I had a flare. Flares for me include lots of running to the bathroom, and let's leave it at that. My mom helps out a lot financially with groceries and food for my cats (my cats need to be on special vet food), and up until recently she helped with my therapy bills too, but for the next few months I've managed to cover it. Now, the thing you need to know about my mom is she is a total fatphobe. She brags about how few carbs she eats, makes truly disgusting low-fat 'cream sauce' out of vegetable broth and claims it tastes the same, her sister died of cancer and was obsese, and she refuses to believe THE DOCTORS when they told her that her weight was NOT a factor with her particular type of cancer. All her nutritional beliefs are stuck firmly in the '90s, and she will not listen to anyone about new things.

So, back to last night. My brother was supposed to come by with my costco stuff, including one of costco's 50lb cat litter boxes. I called ahead, and went, "I'm suffering from a flare. if I pick that container up, I will literally have an accident. I need a little help getting it to the door" (up 3 flights of stairs).

My mom and brother burst out laughing. They told me I need to do more core exercises (????) because I am overweight but truly not by much, but to them I may as well be 239047lbs. I tried to explain that doing core exercises causes a flare (hell even core-related housework makes me flare if I do it for too long) , and they laughed harder, making it quite clear that they 100% thought I was making excuses for not exercising regularly, following my response up with "when have you ever done core exercises?! hahahahaha" Needless to say, I was left feeling like hot garbage, and I know I need to go low-contact, as this is far from the first occurrence of them treating my chronic illnesses as a joke. The trouble is, I rely on my mom to even get through the month for groceries, therapy, cat food, and I do laundry at her place, as the laundromat in town is 5$ per load, 10$ if I want to dry that load.. If I try to go low contact or even no-contact with her, I'll suffer for it. Which is where you come in. I have a few ways you can help me go low-contact, in particular if you don't love the idea of "giving handouts". Ko-Fi My Novels and Short Stories on Amazon My Etsy My Redbubble My GoFundMe

[nyiibat2]

Comparing Presidential candidates: Marianne Williamson: Democratic candidate

Marianne Wiliamson is a bestselling author, political activist and spiritual thought leader. She founded Project angel food, a non profit organization that has delivered more than eighteen million meals to sick and dying homebound individuals since 1989. The group was created to help people suffering from the HIV/AIDS crisis.

Marianne has also worked throughout her career on poverty, anti hunger and racial reconciliation issues. In 2004 she co-founded The Peace Alliance and supports the creation of a U.S, Department of peace. Williamson also ran for the democratic nomination for president in 2020. { Source: About section from marianne2024.com}

When asked why she was running, Marianne said Quote “What I saw about twenty years ago is that misery among people seemed more prevalent than it had been before. I was used to confronting the tragedies that can fall upon even the happiest, most privileged lives. But I began to meet way too many people whose suffering seemed to me unnecessary.

People who worked hard to live meaningful and productive lives seemed pinned down by social and economic conditions over which they had no control.

In too many cases their problems were man made, and not by them! Something had fundamentally changed in America.

Why? Because during the last fifty years the system has been rigged;.” :And quote. {Source; Why am I running section from marianne2024.com}

According to her website, Marianne’s policies for presidency include;

An economic bill of rights: A vision for a moral economy.

“A core principle of the Williamson administration will be to realign public policy with the most basic elements of our humanity. The purpose of data and statistics, especially economic ones, should be placed in service to the human condition.

Economists and politicians huddle together to discuss the plight of the economy, too often discounting as merely anecdotal the experience of the single mother of two who is struggling to make ends meet. In fact, she’s rarely invited into the room, and the lack of human dimension involved in calculations being made in her name are tragically disconnected from the human experience.

I am running for president to address that – not just the symptoms, but also the causes, of this era of American despair.” And quote.

Her policies on Health include: “Preventative Care will be included as part of a single-payer Medicare For All type universal healthcare system. - Marianne Williamson

She states and quote; “Today’s healthcare system puts an unbalanced focus on treating the symptoms of illness at the expense of treating their cause. Until we ask why so many of us experience chronic illness to begin with – far more than citizens of comparably wealthy countries – then we will continue to experience unsatisfactory results in healthcare.

The WHOLE HEALTH PLAN expands the healthcare debate, tackling not only how to pay for healthcare but also how to provide greater opportunities for health.

The Food and Drug Administration and the Centers for Disease Control will regain their rightful authority to protect Americans from overreach by corporate forces that would sacrifice our health in favor of short-term profits. No longer will government agencies cover up for, cozy up to, or in any way serve the entities whose overreach they were established to protect us from.” And quote

Under the Whole Health Plan, the Williamson Administration will:

Move beyond the current disease care system, and build a true healthcare system. Health and wellness will be proactively supported in a Williamson administration.

Address unhealthy water and air, higher toxin exposures such as lead, and limited opportunities to purchase healthy food because of high cost and low availability – all factors which impact health.

Improve food quality. Poor diet is one of the leading causes of premature death and chronic disease. In my administration, we will fund research regarding which foods can help us be healthier and live longer.

Reduce toxins in our environment and our food that can lead to illness.

Children policy: “If an individual neglects a child, we call this unethical at best and criminal at worst. So what do we call a society who collectively neglects millions of our children?” - Marianne Williamson

The way to take care of our economy tomorrow is by taking care of our children today.

When it comes to health, hunger, addiction, education, and safety – we are shirking our responsibilities as a nation of parents. Child advocacy is not being addressed with the attention and care it deserves. Too many of our children are endangered physically and emotionally. This is a humanitarian emergency.

The United States ranks at or near the bottom on almost every indicator regarding governmental policies toward children today.

Her policies on children include: Child Advocacy;

Economic Justice for Women & Children

Proper prenatal care, regardless of ability to pay.

Proper healthcare for pregnant women.

Maternal and Paternal leave.

Universal childcare and Universal pre-K.

Elementary schools and secondary schools of high caliber for every American student.

Nutritional excellence in food that is served and sold at public schools.

Mindfulness training in the schools.

Full wrap-around and anti-trauma services for at-risk youth and their families.

Conflict resolution, restorative justice, peace-creation training.

Substance abuse treatment and family counseling for families in need.

Mental health (non-pharmaceutical) services for children

Best practices of all kinds in schools and in communities that properly tend to children.

Encourage Congress to pass the American Opportunity Accounts Act, instituting a Baby Bond program that invests in our citizens starting at birth.

Lower the voting age to 16 to ensure participation in our electoral process.

Marianne has also spoken about climate change in her policies, stating that she will quote “As president, I will treat the problem holistically. Global warming harms the weather patterns which harms agriculture and animals which harms people’s capacity to live in certain areas which harms the city-to-rural ratio which harms social stability which creates a refugee crisis which all together lead toward untold catastrophe.

What is imperative is that we awaken now and take immediate, bold steps to change course. What is necessary is a full scale climate emergency mobilization effort, not unlike the kind of effort undertaken by the United States during WW2.” And quote.

The Williamson Administration will:

Expand investments to reach 100 percent renewable energy and dramatically reduce CO2 (carbon) emissions by 2035 or earlier.

Reinstate and expand energy and mileage efficiency investments. Conserving energy and making the most of our resources should not be a partisan issue. It is good for everyone. Our scientists and businesses are ready to help lead these efforts, but strong national leadership is essential.

Transition away from fossil fuel energy and halt all new fossil fuel projects. We must eliminate all fossil fuel subsidies and transfer those funds into climate investments by the federal government, and invest in wind and solar energy.

Restart the Clean Power Plan to protect our health and clean air, while rapidly phasing out coal, which is costly, harmful to the air we breathe and to the land and water where it is mined and burned. Create a commission tasked with expediting timelines for shutting down all coal plants.

Modernize our power grids immediately to pave the way for a dramatic increase in renewable energy sources. The electric power sector should be decarbonized sooner than the rest of the economy – by 2030. Each state will be required to adopt a renewable portfolio standard which would start at the level of renewable electricity supplies in that state to taper up to 100% by 2040. Electricity suppliers would be fined if they fall behind each year’s target.

Decarbonize all buildings by 2045. All buildings over 25,000 square feet will be fined if they do not reduce emissions by 50% by 2030 and 80% by 2040, with intervals beginning in 2025. All older buildings would have to be upgraded to higher energy efficiency standards appropriate for that building type, and converted to electric space heating, cooking, and hot water technologies. Zero carbon from new buildings by 2028. The federal government will ensure funding for the retrofitting of older residential homes and will provide subsidies for older commercial buildings to meet green renewable energy standards.

Decarbonize all federally-owned buildings by 2030.

Require each industrial corporation to commit to a series of Greenhouse Gas Emissions Targets phasing down in half by 2030 and to 0% emissions by 2045. Each company will decide for itself how to meet those targets, but would be fined via income tax laws if the annual targets are not met.

Create a specific heat pump program at DOE to expand the use of existing heat-pump subsidies and invest more money in heat pumps.

Ban all fracking operations (oil and gas). This will require planning for the workers and communities that will be most impacted by a transition away from fossil fuel extraction, using “just transition” principles.

Stop the spread of Liquified Natural Gas (LNG). Ban new LNG permits and infrastructure and end the use of long-term LNG projects for diplomatic support.

Federal data shows that as of 2022 over 3,500 permits for gas and oil drilling on public lands have been issued. This is morethan the previous administration’s approved number of permits. A Williamson administration will sign an executive order to change the parameters for the Bureau of Land Management’s issuing of permits.

End all new oil and gas leases in federal lands and waters. Plan the phaseout of existing oil and gas leases on federal lands.

Further investment in Nuclear Fusion technology as an alternative to meet nuclear energy needs.

Marianne has also spoken about reproductive rights and justice saying quote “I believe abortion is a moral issue, but it is an issue of private, not public morality. I do not believe government has that right to legislate our private morals. - Marianne Williamson and quote.

“Regarding abortion rights, I am one hundred percent pro-choice.

I believe the decision of whether or not to have an abortion lies solely with a pregnant woman, according to the dictates of her conscience and in communion with the God of her understanding. I trust the moral decision-making of the American woman, and I do not feel the government has a right to deny or restrict her decisions.

As president, I would seek to protect the right of every woman to make her own decisions, in her own way, regarding her reproductive choices. The choice of whether or not to terminate a pregnancy is difficult enough without the government weighing in on the decision. I would vigorously resist any effort to restrict, limit, or diminish the reproductive rights and freedoms granted by Roe v. Wade.” And quote.

The Williamson Administration will protect reproductive rights by:

Appointing federal judges and Supreme Court judges who acknowledge Roe v. Wade as the law of the land, and support the Constitutional right to Privacy.

Codify Roe v. Wade into a federal law

Expand and Restore Funding for Planned Parenthood, and other local healthcare clinics that provide abortion and other services.

Create a federal program that provides contraception resources, especially for low-income communities.

Repeal the Hyde and Helms Amendments.

Ban Targeted Restrictions on Abortion Providers (TRAP) Laws.

Refuse Title X funding for “crisis pregnancy centers”

Emphasize reproductive justice and end the Black Maternal Mortality Crisis

Marianne Wiliamson has stated in regards to her hopes to win the presidency: Quote “If I make it, it won’t be because of power brokers within the Democratic Party and it won’t be because of billionaire donors.

It will be because of the single mother with two kids, one of whom has special needs but Mom has to work two jobs and she can’t afford health care. It will be because of the community college students who are living out of their cars and selling their blood plasma to make it all work.” And quote.

She has also said this in regards to Palestine and Israel “October 14, 2023 | Marianne Williamson. The world is waiting tonight, in a kind of death watch, as Israel prepares for a massive invasion of Gaza. While I understand Israel’s fury in reaction to last week’s terrorist attacks – I share it, actually – I cannot see where invading Gaza is going to do more than increase the cycle of hatred that already plagues the region.” And quote {Soure:Substack Marianne Wiliamson}

Marianne Wiliamson is on the ballot. {Source; marianne2024.com} “It will be because of young adults – and their aging parents – who know something is wrong when they’ve done everything right but the kids in their twenties and thirties can’t afford a place to live on their own.”

[rainbowjay20]

So I got a new nanny watch.

MOSOKI

Smart Watch for Men Women

https://a.co/d/dSdGNmc

For more info, see the previous post.

Part of my motivation for getting a new watch was that my old one had snapped the band. The other part, to be fair, is that I've been having a bunch of odd, non-specific symptoms. I have also asked my primary to do some bloodwork. She had no problem with any of the tests I requested. However, she had a feeling the insurance would be upset with a fishing expedition. So we broke my requests up into a couple of batches. Hopefully, as we move forward, we will have more clarification and a better idea of where to look.

For years, I have said that I have low blood sugar. I have gotten scoffs and derision from many, especially my family. My Dad's family runs to Diabetes and Pancreatic Cancer(and Heart Disease and any Cancer you can name) So me having HYPOgylcemia? F*ing Hysterical!🤣😂🤣😂

But everyone forgets my grandpop (Dad's dad) could pack away Tastykakes by the metric ton and never gain a pound. I don't know if he was ever tested. My Mom had reactive hypoglycemia. Basically, it is pre-diabetes. Your body doesn't handle sugar well. When you eat your body overreacts and sends out too much insulin. This makes your blood sugar drop too low.

True primary hypoglycemia is unusual. It is usually caused by something. It is just a matter of finding out what is causing it.

My thought is that having an idea of when(and maybe what) is triggering the lows and or highs might be helpful. Even if the numbers aren't accurate, the same should not be true for the trends.

These newer watches are very clear that these are wellness devices only. That they are not meant as substitutes for medical care.They are not approved in the US for Medical devices. They are making these overseas,(*cough* China *cough*) where there are different guidlines for these types of devices. They do have alarms for danger levels like low/high blood sugar, High pulse, irregular heart beat, hypoxia(low oxygen in the blood) and sleep apnea.

That being said, it already has been and I assume it will continue to be increasingly more so incredibly fascinating.

My blood sugar, well everything, seems to randomly jump about, up and down, at the whims of a madman. My temperature is sharing Mother Nature's menopause.(I did think that was part of my own problems but blood tests have indicated that is not the case.

Whatever is going on, it is clear that there is SOMETHING, at least. That's progress.

Ask any person who has chronic illnesses. It can be hard convincing doctors to take you seriously. I've had my share of that. Most of mine are good, but sometimes they slip. I do understand.

I get the weird shit. Do you know the saying, "if you hear hoofbeats think horses"?

Well, when a new doctor or nurse gets smarmy and says that crap? I have a pre-programmed response.

I'm a pygmy zebra running down Broadway in the middle of rush hour.

Believe it or not, that actually came from one of my doctors. I don't remember if it was my first endocrinologist or the surgical oncologist. They noted that if something happens to me, it may not be fatal, but it will be strange.

With me? It's never horses.

Hopefully, with this watch, I will be able to find the hoofprints and estimate the size of the zebra and in which direction it is heading.

So for lows, I'm getting down to 95° core temperature and 59ml/dg blood sugar.

In the other direction, I had a temperature of 98.7° for a "record" high. and 130 for a high blood sugar.

[shannontracysblog]

My Story May Be Your Story

I suffer from multiple Auto-Immune Illnesses; Crohn's, Celiac Disease, Scleroderma, vitiligo and Osteoarthritis and I am only 46 years old. These illnesses and my passion for understanding the "root" of my illnesses, not just what pills to pop to manage symptoms, lead me down a rabbit hole of research, which kept taking me to terms like "Gut Health", "Microbiomes", "Brain Fog" and "Chronic Inflammation" and "Weight Gain"; All of which I was experiencing. I also decided I would take this passion a bit further and have earned my Certifications as a Health Coach through #IIN (Institute of Integrative Nutrition". This was in 2021, and also the same year I birthed our 2nd miracle daughter.

If you have an Autoimmune illness (or a few) and become pregnant you may notice your symptoms often subside, Thank you surge of pregnancy hormones and baby! However, once baby is born, typically within 6-12 months our immune systems come back with a vengeance. My Ulcerative Colitis became Crohn's, my Vitiligo spread like wildfire under my arms and the trunk of my body and although I no longer had gestational diabetes, I had metabolic testing done and I was Insulin Resistant. Through the colonoscopy of tissue sampling and bloodwork it was discovered I also have Celiac disease.

I was put on Mesalamine for the Crohn's, removed Gluten from the diet and since my resting glucose was 137 and A1C was 5.8 I was placed on Mounjaro 2.5 dosage, weekly injections. This past month I had my labs repeated after 6 months and my Glucose is now 97 and A1C is 4.6! I am also down 20 pounds. In August I will be stopping the Mounjaro to see if I can maintain by a whole foods, veggies most diet with lean proteins and fiber filled carbs. I am a big water drinker, so that never has been a struggle.

At this point in my journey, I have educated myself, became certified as a health coach and basically through nutrition and of course Licensed Medical Doctor supervision, I have coached myself and proof the product works. Product, meaning myself, techniques and way I can help. Since I have spent the past 6 months focused on nutrition, and down 20 pounds, I am ready to incorporate daily movement, with a low-impact program.

Full disclosure - I had a L5-S1 spinal fusion in 2007 and after years of desk jobs, 2 pregnancy’s and always relying on the one sided "mom hip" to carry these toddlers around I am wrapping up Physical Therapy now and after a final evaluation next Tuesday, will be discharged from twice a week sessions. I was also directed to choose from Barre, Yoga, Pilates, Walking and swimming, to avoid the risk of future injury, yet be able to build strength, especially in my core (2 c-sections later).

The weather has broken here in Michigan, and I have intentionally begun to block 30 minutes out mid-day, to walk outside while listening to podcasts (typically when I get my daily dose of spirituality and gratitude in). After reviewing a streaming library of over 1000 at-home workouts, trust me when I say I drilled down that refined search, to only those programs that made sense for where I am at on this wellness journey. I have chosen a Barre program to start on May 1st. The program is 30 minute workouts Monday - Friday which gives me the weekends to just be MOM, play and be with the kids, resting & replenishing.

I wish to take my knowledge, education, experience and passion to empower women with Auto-Immune diseases feel their best through personalized wellness routines to meet their unique health goals. The first step will be for me to host a virtual community beginning in May. Maybe you desire nutrition only, or maybe a fitness program to meet you where you are, because you also have nutrition down to a science, there is not a one size fits all, and why I personalize the plans to set you up for success.

I am ready to elevate my own health journey & would like you to walk alongside me :-)

"Curiosity is one of those insatiable passions that grow by gratification" - Sarah Scott

Feel free to message me or email directly to bewell.staywell4u@gmail.com for more information

[bishiglomper]

I feel like such a wuss with my chronic illnesses. I can have the smallest non-issue symptoms but I always have a conglomeration so it still puts me out of commission

I watched my sister struggle for a spoon just to get up and get herself a drink and food. So I asked if i could assist her.

She said no. I asked why not. She said because I didnt feel good. I said i never feel good. Like. Y'know. I should still do stuff..

She said I looked particularly uncomfortable today. 😔

I mean, i guess. I'm chilled, which has me feeling very stiff and slow. And so tired. And for some reason my heart is going. I thought it was a precurser to low blood sugar so i drank a cup of chocolate milk because food is too much right now. Its still going though. 😕

So i threw in the towel and bundled up and went to bed.

Chills are so weird. I can bury myself under millions of layers and not feel warm. Skin-deep I can feel the heat. Its uncomfortable. It just doesn't reach my core for a few hours. Its conflicting. Especially since I dont like heat as I get overheated so easily. 🙄

But seriously, giving up on being concious just because im cold. 🙄 ridiculous.

[lunarmote]

The Chaos Narrative

Arthur W. Frank talks about the “chaos narrative” in The Wounded Storyteller, defined an “anti-narrative” narrative: the incessant present as a string of happenings characterized by “and thens,” absent of any identifiable, redeemable plot or resolution.

This is the experience of many sick people whose stories do not get told, because people do not want to hear about chaos. The thought that there exist things which have no fixes gives us anxiety; we like predictability, we like diagnoses, we like knowing that the solution is just a matter of identifying the right cure. There was a reddit post that said, People are not truly understanding of mental illness. But they elaborate in the post that when a person has the occasional panic attack in class or something to be made a spectacle of, people are all for “support,” but the banality of the lived experience is talked over. There’s stuff that’s not so fun that causes real tensions, like a rat gnawing its way through a rope. People do not understand that chronic conditions are marked by the expectation that the rest of your life will consist of “interruptions” to your preferred way of being. I have a really hard time talking about the banality of living with ADHD and anxiety. I’ve considered dropping out of college many times. To forego a society-approved milestone like college is an understandable tragedy to many people. But it’s not just that, yes it’s the aggregate of the minor heartbreaks that fall through the cracks but it’s not just so. Some experiences are beyond the reach of textual and verbal communion. I don’t know how to describe what it’s like to bargain with my own mind every single day, driven by a need to “predict” and realizing the hopeless of predicting my mind’s contingency, the crushing anxiety that comes with having dreams too big for oneself and the stinging melancholy that comes from knowing you won’t ever achieve them. All of this, background against the foreground of the “incessant present—” frustration at every little thing I can’t do right. Or should I say everything. Am I being too generous? Yes, this part is the anxiety talking. In spite of it all, what I have to communicate seems so scant and trivial. Reduced to “I’m having a hard time with life.” I agree with Frank that our culture has no place for such narratives because they don’t fit the “neat” narrative of modern episodic illness — yesterday I was healthy, today I am sick, tomorrow I will be better. I can take a pill to alleviate some symptoms, but I will never be “better.” I could never hope to overcome all that’s causing me pain because doing so would require becoming someone who is unacquainted with my mind. Frank also says that at its core, chaos cannot truly be depicted. It is only through meditation and retrospective distance that we can talk about our chaos in a way that is receivable by others. It is in this way that all chaos is “mute;” to have it thrust upon us, renders us unable to communicate. I type these words right now, but in a way, my body is mute. Realize that there are limitations to blog posts. Realize to blog requires an inevitable triage of thought and an acerbic self-awareness that everything you write must be edited in accordance with certain standards, implicit or explicit: legibility, narrative cohesion… Realize even as you aim to produce an unedited stream-of-consciousness it will never be spontaneous: you have irreducible, unchunkable lived experiences every day and only a fraction of them will ever make it to paper. I am confronting the fact that language may be one of our best ways to sympathize with each other but it is still so pathetically inadequate.

[sunflowerheartsandstarryskies]

You’re Not a Burden - Lucifer x GN!Reader

You’re Not a Burden - Lucifer Morningstar x GN!Reader

Author’s Note: This was requested by the lovely @coffinheartz​ about a reader who is chronically ill, I hope I did it justice and that you like it. I tried not to go too specific on the illness. 

Warnings: Reader in pain due to their illness, angst???, then fluff, anxiety mentioned and described, stuttering (I wrote how I would stutter when my anxiety gets bad as a ref point)

Word Count: 1.0k

------------------------------------

You didn’t want to admit the pain you were in, because if you did you felt like you were quitting. On what? You weren’t really sure, but you’ve always tried to mask the amount of pain you were in due to your chronic illness, even though your partner Lucifer says not to. It was a part of your nature at this point, but now as you can barely get off your sofa you are starting to really hate that part of your self.

As you laid there groaning wondering how you were going to muster up the strength to even get dressed let alone go to work, your mind flickers to Lucifer and wondering if you should call him to let him know you weren’t going to work. You love your partner, but he can be a bit overbearing when it comes to your health and you weren’t sure if you were able to withstand that.

Living with your illness took some getting used to, having to discover a different routine with yourself and work, understanding and processing your emotions through it, but one thing that always hurts were people thinking you are a burden. 

You met Lucifer Morningstar as you were going through your cycle of renewed self-discovery, he was a breath of fresh air for you, when all you were surrounded with were people giving you sympathetic smiles. 

While he was just being himself around you, making you laugh, taking you to LUX, driving around in his car, he helped you to realize that the pain and the disease you had wasn’t all you were. You liked to have fun, watch really bad movies, going on long drives, and reading a good book while it rains. 

Lucifer helped you feel like a whole person without him trying, and it hurts you to hold back on the pain you felt some days so he wouldn’t worry all the time. The habit you developed of downplaying your symptoms was a terrible one, one you want to break but are afraid to.

Anxiety’s something you’ve been battling for awhile now and it haunts your thoughts when it comes to your illness, constantly weighing you down further and always whispering in your ear that you are a burden to your friends and partners. Which is inherently false, you know in your core you aren’t a burden, you’ve been improving yourself, going through therapy sessions that Lucifer recommended you to go to. 

“I am not a burden,” you whisper to yourself as you slowly pull yourself to sit up.

“I am not a burden,” you repeat as you go to reach for the phone. 

You take a slow deep breath as you hold your phone before dialing Lucifer’s number. You exhale as you hear it ring and you repeat the mantra in your head as you wait for Lucifer to pick up. 

“Hey darling, how are you?” Lucifer’s voice rang through your head, and you winced at the noise.

“H-hi Luce, uh remem-remember that talk we had a week ago?” you asked referencing the talk you and him had on you being more open when you are feeling in pain and wincing again at hearing the stutter in your voice.

“Yeah of course,” Lucifer responded patiently. 

“Um yeah, I think today is a bad one,” you said taking a deep breath at the end willing yourself to remember to breathe.

“Do you want me to come over, love?” you heard him ask.

“If you can, if not don’t worry, I don’t want to be a burden,” you hastily said.

“I wouldn’t have offered if I couldn’t come, and you’re never a burden to me, love,” Lucifer said.

“Okay then, thank you,” you said softly.

“Of course, I’ll be there in a couple of minutes,” and with a click Lucifer disconnected.

You let out a sigh of relief and sunk further into your sofa then before, and feeling proud of yourself for reaching out to your partner this time then just wallowing in pain.

You didn’t know how much time or even when you closed your eyes but you were startled awake by knocking on your apartment door. Grabbing the blanket on the back of the sofa and putting it around your shoulders as you walk to the door. 

When you open the door you see your boyfriend Lucifer looking at you with a soft expression on his face and he bent down to leave a loving kiss on your forehead in way of greeting. 

“Hi Luce,” you said with a weak smile.

“Hello my darling, is there anything you need me to do now that I’m here?” Lucifer asked as he stepped inside.

“Could you get my pain medication? I haven’t taken them in a while and I couldn’t move off the couch until now,” you responded.

“Of course I can, can you move to your bedroom while I do that?” Lucifer said while guiding you further into the apartment.

“Yeah I think I can manage that,” you said.

As you both walk to where you needed to go, you felt your anxiety slowly go down. It’s a weird feeling to be cared for this much, but it’s a good feeling. As Lucifer came back with a glass of water and your pain medication, you felt loved. 

“Thanks Lu,” you mumbled as you took the pills from him. 

As you took a sip from the water and took the pills, you saw the soft look from earlier return. “What?”

“Oh nothing, I’m just happy that you called,” he stated.

“Oh,” was you all you could say.

Lucifer sat on the corner of the bed as he said, “Is there anything else I can do?”

“Just cuddles is all I need, unless you have-” you were cut off with a soft kiss on the corner of your lips.

“You are not a burden my love, know that,” he said with such a sincerity that you almost forgot where you were, “And of course I can cuddle. What kind of a boyfriend would I be if I didn’t?” 

“Thank you,” you said.

In the loving arms of your partner, and with your pain slowly ebbing away, you were at peace and loved.

[bigmooneyes]

wikipedia poem about dpdr, because i can never find the right words when trying to explain; so borrowing them will have to do

transcript:

1.

Depersonalization-derealization disorder From wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Specialty: Psychiatry, clinical psychology Symptoms: Depersonalization, Derealization Usual onset: Young adulthood Duration: chronic, episodic

Contents [hide]

The core is the subjective experience of "reality of one's self" or detachment from one's surroundings.

thought to be caused largely by interpersonal trauma adverse early childhood experiences, specifically emotional abuse and neglect have been linked

the state of mind could last either hours, days, and possibly even weeks at a time.

These experiences which strike at the core of a person's identity and consciousness may cause - substantial distress;

the real thing was overwhelming;

fearing loss of control, detached from their own thoughts; these symptoms cause -- unreality,

dissociation from the rest of society; disconnected or detached from one's self; or from one's surroundings.

there is an alienation; uneasy or anxious -- constant or varying intensity.

Insidious onset may reach back as far as can be remembered.

2.

Society and culture [edit]

patient who "feels that he is no longer himself", attempts to describe experiences that are difficult to articulate into words.

In order to comprehend the nature of reality we must understand what reality actually is.

some descriptions were metaphors;

as if the world around them is foggy, dreamlike/surreal, or visually distorted.

The ability to sense that something is unreal is maintained when experiencing symptoms of the disorder.

^ Radovic F (2002). "Feelings of Unreality: A Conceptual and Phenomenlogical Analysis of the Language of Depersonalization".

the conceptualization of dissociation involves detachment from one's self;

it doesn't diminish just the experience, but more or less all experience.

the majority of people (about 80%) responsible for child maltreatment are the child's own parents.

^ Thomson, Paula; Jaque, S. Victoria (15 March 2018). "Depersonalization, adversity, emotionality, and coping with stressful situations". Journal of Trauma & Dissociation.

3.

Prognosis [edit]

as if the world lies within the understanding of reality.

experiences with depersonalization may be frightening, a loss of control over their thoughts or actions; persistent or recurrent feelings of detachment from one's mental or bodily processes; difficulty concentrating; a sense that self or the world is unreal; impairment to one's ability to perceive reality.

The Scream may have been inspired by depersonalization disorder. (i.e. patient is aware of a perceptual disturbance)

symptoms tend to be constant and quite unsettling.

an illness of lost opportunities.

^ Blevins, Christy A.; Weathers, Frank W.; Mason, Elizabeth A. (1 October 2012). "Construct Validity of Three Depersonalization Measures in Trauma-Exposed College Students". Journal of Trauma & Dissociation.

Anxiety vs. fear

Symptoms

Types 3.1 Existential

The most common comorbid disorders are depression and anxiety; significant and uncontrollable feelings of anxiety and fear; fear is more complex than just forgetting or deleting memories, the hereafter, the next ten years or even tomorrow.

DPDR is typically chronic and continuous; between reality and the symptoms; a feeling of being detached from the world; divorced from their own personal self; Treatment of DPDR is often difficult and refractory.

4.

Appearance [edit]

I find myself regarding existence as though from beyond the tomb, from another world; all is strange to me; I am, as it were, outside my own body and individuality; I am depersonalized, detached, cut adrift.

Is this madness?

(In the upper right corner is a heavily edited black and white ghost picture of The Brown Lady of Raynham hall. The descriptive text underneath it is unreadable.)

all dissociative phenomena involves a detachment from reality; Familiar places may look alien, bizarre, and surreal.

they are not in the notion of the present; experiencing themselves and their lives from a distance.

as if the world around them is disconnected; distorted. as though time is passing them by.

they are able to recall a memory but feel as if they did not personally experience it.

In some cases, individuals may be unable to accept their reflection as their own, thoughts and acts elude the self and become strange.

^ Daphne Simeon; Jeffrey Abugel (7 November 2008). Feeling Unreal: Depersonalization Disorder and the Loss of the Self.

think critically about the nature of reality and existence.

depersonalization is understood as a defense; a type of coping mechanism.

Although residual sunlight does not penetrate the depths inhabited by deep-sea lizardfish, their eyes aid in detecting sources of residual or bioluminescent light.

^ Mauricio Sierra (13 August 2009). Depersonalization: A New Look at a Neglected Syndrome. Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press. p. 120.

[earthstellar]

Transformers Medical Analysis Essay: What are Cybertronians Made Of? [Part One: Nanites and Human Equivalents]

This is gonna be long, for which I apologise. 

PLEASE NOTE: We will be discussing some actual real world blood stuff here; Nothing gross, just some basics to provide a human comparison for the Cybertronian stuff, and I have used my own blood test results below to help explain these comparisons to you. If you might find any real world medical content gross or potentially upsetting, please skip this post, as I don’t want to upset anyone! <3 

Here we go!

What Cybertronians Are Made Of, Part One: Nanites 

Nanites are mentioned throughout various TF media and franchises, although they seem to differ mildly between each application/description somewhat. 

This makes nanites a good starting point, as we know that at least all Cybertronians/Camiens/etc. have some kind of self-repair function, and this is stated to be either nanites or a multi-system function that includes nanites as a key part of maintaining health and wellbeing. 

In Beast Wars, we get the most detail on certain medical and physiological aspects of nanites, with the nanites inherent to the composition of a Cybertronian body providing part of the basic structure of the protoform, as well as displaying the ability to undergo mutation (similar somewhat to human cell mutations) which allow for the process of Transmetalisation. 

Nanites seem to have many significant functions in the Cybertronian body across multiple TF franchise canons, from being a fundamental construction element, to functioning like human stem cells, to behaving as an immune system in the capacity of self-repair nanites. 

We will focus specifically on self-repair nanites here, as it is sometimes implied in different TF canons that there may be multiple types of nanites present in the Cybertronian body. 

Comparing Self-Repair Nanites to a Human Equivalent: Full Blood Count

We can reasonably compare Cybertronian nanites to human cells, as we can think of these nanites as serving the same purpose as several different cell types in human bodies. 

In regards to Cybertronian self-repair nanites, the most obvious human comparisons would be immune system cells/proteins like macrophages, lymphocytes, mast cells, and Cytokines. 

Five types of white blood cells/leukocytes will appear in the blood generally speaking, and you can see these listed on any Full Blood Count (FBC) blood test. 

To illustrate this, I actually just recently did a few blood test panels on myself, so I have included my own FBC results for you to check out here: 

The five blood test results I want you to focus on are the following, which are the white blood cells I marked in orange/red above: 

Neutrophils

Lymphocytes (B and T Cells)

Monocytes 

Eosinophils

Basophils 

(You might notice that I have a few mildly OOR (out of range) results above; This is because I have Haemoglobin Barts and I am also undergoing HRT, so please don’t be too concerned!)

If any of these results are elevated (high/out of range on the upper end), it can help indicate all kinds of things, from whether or not you’ve had an infection or cold/flu recently, to being used as part of identifying possible autoimmune disorders in conjunction with other more specific tests like an Antinuclear Antibody (ANA) blood test as part of diagnostics for Lupus or Sjogren’s Syndrome, among other conditions. 

We can safely assume that self-repair nanites may be similarly used as part of certain Cybertronian medical diagnostic processes; We will probably only be able to verify this in canon once Hasbro finally listens to me and gives us a Med Bay focused series.

Note for any of you who might be non-clinical medical staff dealing with blood results: Basophils have a tendency to essentially self-destruct in a blood sample that has taken a little longer than usual to get processed in the lab, so don’t freak out immediately if this result appears out of range at first. Remember to check the time the sample was drawn and compare it to the time the sample was actually processed! Obviously, raise it as a potential concern anyway, if you are unsure. 

Why This is Relevant to Cybertronian Medicine and Physiology: Mechanical Lifeforms Are Complex, But in Some Ways, Not Really (Compared to Humans)

Just like human beings have our various immune system cells and proteins, Cybertronians clearly have self-repair nanites as a way to carry out some degree of constant natural defence against both casual and serious damage. 

HOWEVER. 

Whereas humans generally have the five primary white blood cell types which are the “usual” ones we check for in fairly routine blood tests like Full Blood Counts, it seems that Cybertronians have one universal primary white blood cell equivalent (self-repair nanites) that serve the functions of various immune system cells and proteins in human bodies.

To use computer engineering phrasing in reference to human functions, this is (to some degree) essentially biological built-in triple modular redundancy. Multiple types of cells within the immune system in humans all help individually and collectively to identify, locate, track, capture, learn about, and eliminate contaminants or foreign entities like bacteria, among other functions. 

Cybertronians, however, are extremely physically complex in other ways, but their basic structure and core components seem to be fairly minimal based on what we see in canon across the board; They only have self-repair nanites, a single type of nanite, to fulfil all of these varied and complex immune system analogous functions. They only have this singular line of natural defence. 

(This assumption is based on purely what we see in canon; If there are other self-repair dedicated functions, these are not as universally mentioned or mentioned at all in TF media canon, or where they are implied, they are not well defined.) 

While this may still be the most ideal possible natural or innate design for Cybertronian physiology, it is still, of course, essentially a single point of failure (as engineering terminology seems appropriate here), and a pretty serious one at that. 

Now, human immune systems can get all kinds of messed up anyway, and having more types of cells/nanites doesn’t necessarily eliminate a lot of those problems or risks and likely wouldn’t for Cybertronians either if they may have similar potential health concerns, but my point is that the Cybertronian immune system equivalent is extremely simplistic in comparison, which is in contrast with most other aspects of Cybertronian physiology. 

While they do use the plural form, “self-repair nanites”, which could imply the presence of multiple specific self-repair nanite types within the Cybertronian body, this is not specified, and this is never elaborated upon in any TF media to my knowledge. It seems that the use of the plural form refers only to there being many self-repair nanites in the body, rather than multiple types of self-repair nanite. 

Having a single line of immune defence has potentially serious implications in-universe; Just like human beings, Cybertronians may be able to experience problems with their immune systems ranging from potentially serious and chronic autoimmune issues, to being more prone to catching illnesses due to mild immunosuppression caused by chronic processor overload (chronic stress) or inability to recharge/infrequent recharge (insomnia), or possibly even autoimmune responses (see the section on rusting, below, for one theory I have about what may be a canonical example of this). 

This may vary significantly from series to series as well anyway, but we don’t have a lot of canonical medical information to work with about any of this, so this is all conjecture. 

Especially given the conditions of war, it may be difficult for Cybertronians to maintain fully functional self-repair nanites, as it is often the case across nearly all TF media that the bots are usually working with minimal supplies and/or sustaining severe and repeated damage, which provides ample opportunity for natural bodily processes to go wrong in addition or as a result of any external causes of damage. 

Do their self-repair nanites suffer from chronic low fuel levels, which particularly in TFP is a constant concern? 

Ratchet even mentions in the episode Stronger, Faster: 

Ratchet: “If one of you comes back wounded this time, well, our energon levels are nearly depleted.” 

While this may be in reference to concerns around lack of spare energon for transfusion purposes (as energon is treated like both blood and fuel in TFP), we know that it is generally used as supplementary to other medicines/treatments/medical procedures as well, although these are not defined clearly. 

It’s certainly possible that the risk of low fuel levels includes impeded nanite function, and considering that symptoms of low fuel in Cybertronians seem similar to exhaustion/fatigue/starvation in humans, it’s reasonable to assume that yes, running on strictly rationed levels of fuel for prolonged periods of time likely impacts their self-repair functions. 

This has further implications for dealing with everything from exposure to potential pathogens on other planets that may affect them, to recovering from any necessary surgical procedures or battle wounds. 

And, a very good point to make: Under the assumption that there is only one type of self-repair nanite, it may be possible to take a sample of these nanites from a living Cybertronian and reverse-engineer it; Biological weapons are known to exist in canon, and have been used to spectacularly horrific effect, particularly in IDW 2005/Sins of the Wreckers, if I recall correctly. 

What if someone finds a way to simply “shut down” these self-repair nanites? 

What if someone finds a way to, for example, create a biological weapon that induces an immediate autoimmune response, similar to a cytokine storm in humans? 

Which brings us to... 

Self-Repair Nanites, Autoimmune Responses, and Rusting: My Theory 

Cytokines are a part of the human body’s immune response, and are proteins that essentially help to moderate an immune response. If these proteins get out of control, a cytokine storm can result. 

We see a cytokine storm like effect when Cybertronians suffer from Cosmic Rust, which may trigger what appears to be a type of self-repair nanite storm; This might be the real reason for the rapid corrosion caused by the Cosmic Rust.

Rather than being a feature of the rust itself, it may be the case that the rust upon infecting a Cybertronian may elicit such a strong response from the nanites present in the body that it induces a sudden overwhelming and indiscriminate response from the self-repair nanites, thus causing the Cybertronian body to devour itself: 

The self-repair nanites in such a “storm” would not discriminate between healthy metals and rusted metals, and instead surge towards eliminating ALL metals.

This would mean that Cosmic Rust kills primarily by inducing a severe acute autoimmune response, but since we have no actual information on the mechanics of Cosmic Rust (or how it compares to normal rust which seems to occur naturally and seems to present as a somewhat common and relatively low risk issue for Cybertronians), I can’t say this for certain. 

I hope this has been interesting for someone, and if you actually stuck with me and read all of this, thank you very much for putting up with me!!!! <3 

[thebibliosphere]

Hi, Joy!! I have a quick question for you,,, I've been following your Chronic Health tag for a while, and have always kind of suspected POTS but was never sure,,, well, until I got a fitbit and my heartbeat shot up from 70 to 127 after standing up. So,,, I'll need to be seeing a doctor. But do you know what kind of treatments are suggested for it? Everything I see says like "various meds and exercise" but exercise seems counterproductive bc one of the symptoms is exercise intolerance. I dunno, I'm just hesitant to trust judgey doctors or vague websites, and would rather ask someone who actually HAS it.

Hey! Sorry to hear you might be dealing with POTS, it’s not a fun thing to contend with.

The main treatment for POTS is increasing your hydration and salt levels (1). This may come in the form of salt tablets, or naturally through your diet, depending on severity. I get salt tablets for my really bad days and manage it the rest of the time with salty snacks. My daily intake of electrolyte water* is between 2-4 liters a day, as recommended by my doctor. My minimum goal is 2 liters. If I don’t hit that marker, I’m going to start becoming symptomatic and my heart starts doing weird things to the tune of 165bpm while lying down. Which is also a thing. Lying down with your legs propped up to get the blood flow back up to your core is very much a thing a lot of fellow potsies will be all too familiar with.

Another thing is compression therapy. On bad days, I wear compression socks, and essentially what is a medical version of Spanx underwear lol. This helps to keep my blood in my core, and not rush to my legs, which means my heart doesn’t have to go a mile a minute to keep my blood pumping. If I know I’m going to be out the house and doing a lot of walking/standing, I will preemptively wear them, or make sure I’ve got them in my backpack.

This brings us to exercise. And the thing most online articles (and some absolutely shitty doctors) don’t mention about POTS and exercise is that it has to be incredibly gentle due to things like exercise intolerance. It’s taken me two years of rehabilitation and treatment, but I can now do 30 minutes straight on a reclined** exercise bike. This is a pittance compared to someone who used to go hiking up Scottish hills on the daily, but it’s a massive achievement for me now post-illness. I can also go for 30-minute walks in mild weather, provided there aren’t many hills. But running? Hell no. Even some of my physical therapy exercises are too much and have to be swapped out for gentler versions. I do a lot of my stretches and exercises while sitting down, and that’s perfectly acceptable. It’s about finding the level of exercise that is safe and accessible to you. Some folks find that they can get better enough to resume normal levels of exercise, and I still hope that one day I will. But it’s a slow process, and being gentle with myself is the only way I’m going to get there. And if I never do? Well, 30-minute walks are better than lying on the floor cause you stood up too quickly.

There are other medications that can be tried, like blood pressure meds. I’ve got zero experience with them because of my MCAS, but I do know some folks on here who have had good results with their blood pressure meds. But the first and foremost thing to do is make sure you’re hydrated and well-rested. They can really make a difference.

Also, just in general, people who don’t have POTS can experience those heart level numbers if they’re dehydrated. So y’know, this is a general reminder for everyone to take a sip, babes. 

Hope that helped!

*I use electrolyte water to avoid electrolyte imbalances, which can sometimes happen when you drink too much water (3).

**If you can exercise while reclined with POTS, this can help with the intolerance and is just also gentler and less likely to trigger an episode.

[orangerosebush]

Do you think that Artemis would have the gifted kid phase of getting really into psychedelics/weed for a period of time?? Would Mulch get high with him

First of all, this ask made me actually laugh out loud when I received it, I adore it. The final sentence legit belongs in the MoMA. Unforch, my default state is overthinking, so I have a fairly long (and ramble-y) explanation for my headcanon on the matter. It's below the cut so as to not clog people's dashes, so sorry!

In terms of whether Artemis would experiment with illicit substances, I lean towards no -- mainly because of:

1) his experiences with Angeline's mental break in the first book

and 2) his (arguably) own breakdown + dissociation from reality in The Atlantis Complex*.

A very core part of his character is that Artemis is both obsessed with controlling his own behavior and controlling how people perceive him, which leads me to think that he'd actually be very nervous about not being sober, even as it pertains to, say, having a small glass of wine with dinner.

However, absolutely no doubt exists in my mind that Mulch is a stoner. To me, that is canon, but Colfer just deigned never to mention it due to legalization laws in Ireland (jk).

HOWEVER (my favorite word, lol), I will say that the idea of Mulch offering to let Artemis, who then proceeds to functionally placebo effect himself into a high and get ridiculously paranoid, take one (1) single hit off his joint is very funny. Pretty sure Mulch would proceed to promptly pop back down to another one of his hide-outs off of the Fowl Manor grounds -- as soon as Butler gets a text from Artemis rambling about whatever paranoia train-wreck he's on, Mulch knows his kneecaps are in Grave danger. I do think that in the event if Artemis were to be intoxicated outside of an oh-shit-baby's-first-blunt situation, he'd be very talkative + then probably fall asleep by accident, lmao.

And I will add another caveat: I think you could make the opposite argument I make about Artemis' relationship to sobriety, actually! Just as Artemis is invested in controlling how he is perceived and how he behaves, so too does insobriety "allow" one to give up control without having to make the active choice of not micromanaging everything. IME, for people with anxiety, weed can be as harmful as it is helpful -- it's super easy to get sucked into overindulging in a quick "off" switch for feeling inadequate, too morbid, and so on. In my personal life, that's why I have a spreadsheet (lol I know) of the days I "allow" myself to smoke and drink myself to a state of intoxication beyond a level that is functionally only an aperitif/digestif (for alcohol) or a painkiller (for weed).

I hope this post wasn't too boring/obnoxious!! If you couldn't tell, like I hc'd Artemis, I am a chronic ramble-pointlessly-then-nap-when-stoned person.

Thank you again for the ask! Also, I wasn't aware that weed was a Thing like that for the demographics you mentioned, and now I'm laughing my ass off about how accurate the statement is.

FOOTNOTE

* I'm not going to unpack how poor of a depiction TAC was of... Colfer's fictional amalgamation of a co-morbid form of OCD and DID, but take this footnote as me saying that the only framework I'm borrowing from TAC is that Artemis, much like his mother, struggles specifically with a form of mental illness that involves symptoms of psychosis.

[border-spam]

Does troy really have a split jaw or is that fanon?

It's total fanon!

The design of the split lines across his cheekbones and chin coupled with the cheek clips and v shaped hinge outline next to his ears lead to a lot of people coming to that same outcome, that there is something up with his mouth from a prosthetic/mod standpoint.

So much of his design is never mentioned once or referenced in any way (hightech spinal rig with tattoos under it, neuro connector, mech arm that's much older and doesn't seem related to the spine and neuroport, implants on bicep, face mod etc) that like Tyreen's scars and possible lower body Siren markings, fandom took over when it came to coming up with logical explanations for 'em.

This actually touches ground with some Ao3 comments I wanted to share as they are all Leech Lord compliant, so I'll list them here alongside links to the fics they were related to (note warnings!)

You leave no avenue for characterization unexplored. Troy's facial prostheses finally receiving backstory is amazing

- Maw (Gore/Bodyhorror)

I LOVE the idea of it being not just decorative shit on his face, but my MO for any content I make is always based around asking why, over and over, and trying to make sense of what material I'm using in the first place. The modded mouth is a popular piece of fanon but you know... why? Why would he do that shit to himself. WHY would he want to be grotesque, why would he be chasing the reaction people would have to it when canonically he seems to really not be interested in fan attention the same way Tyreen is, what's the difference to him between being adored as his persona or being lusted after as a monster, etc. I just love deep-diving into the logic behind character and world building? It's what adds meat to the bone for me.

Big 'ol character and worldbuilding / lore responses list under the cut -

He could afford better robots but these ones UNDERSTAND Ty, don't you get it?

- Good night in (tooth rotting fluff)

Hey just because it's mangled and broken, and can't perform its intended function to a degree expected of it by everyone around it... and it's got rusty sharp bits it accidentally hurts you with sometimes... and it's cranky but it doesn't mean it... and sometimes it errors out in a way that's mildly disturbing in a way you can't place.. uh.. doesn't mean you should just GIVE UP ON IT you know? He can fix them :) They will be fine :) No one should just throw away something that's trying so hard just because it's damaged... haha... :')

It's so hard seeing how much they tear each other down when they're the only thing they have left. And what a poor self-image Tyreen has beyond all that glitter and bluster...

- Wolf in sheep's clothing

The twins function well enough as a unit till tensions rise, and I was trying to seed in The Leech's influence on them in earlier work like this too - towards anyone else Ty would become MORE aggressively confident, more assured in her complete and utter dominance of the situation, her flawlessness, but against Troy who see's her for what she is, it turns inwards and eats at her instead of lashing outwards. He switches from relatively submissive around her to almost surgical levels of dissection, he knows exactly how to go for the jugular with words, and doesn't hold back. She's The Leech's mouth but he's its eyes and it's only when they lose control emotionally enough for it to claw to the surface of their psyches that you get an idea of how much it really affects them individually. GB had an absolute goldmine on their hands here of cosmic/body horror and the concept of toxic family when all you have is each other, there's so much to work with, and I figure it's a factor in why some people still really enjoy messing around with Calypso content.

I like how you allow Troy to be a disabled character, how his congenital defects and prosthetics colour his outlook and appear in ways big and small in all these vignettes. It's easy, I think, to see him as largely untroubled by his health apart from when he needs a charge from Tyreen in the game, but you allow him to struggle with his weakness.

- Chronic (Drug use)

I'm really glad to hear that's coming through in the writing because it's something I noticed a lot too. Very often when Troy, or other characters canonically disabled / chronically unwell are written it's "told" and not "shown". Chronic pain, illness, it's not something that is just a little tickbox in a life or some descriptive terms added to a character synopsis, it's something you live and deal with. There are bad days. There are times it is a negative that has to be worked around or faced in ways that aren't pleasant. It doesn't make you lesser or weak to have times where illness does leave you unable to function to a level you want to, it's not a failure for you to be unable to perform tasks when a disability or flair up means it's not viable. I feel personally that by showing scenes like this where his health and body issues do have a very visceral and impossible to ignore the effect on his ability to function, and going through his mental processes of dealing with and managing them, it brings the character across as stronger than if he never seemed to be shown dealing with symptoms or weaknesses. People are more than their disabilities and conditions, those aren't just kinda taglines to add onto a character's description and then never address. I feel like doing that in a way undermines what people deal with who manage chronic illness, pain, and who have disabilities that affect their daily lives negatively. Appreciating the effort it takes to manage them is important.

What I really like about these is that you can really understand as a reader how their dynamic must have evolved. How even before Leda's death Tyreen would have felt demonized while Troy got the attention because of his condition, because he was less willful.

- Starlight, Moonbright

Ah man, absolutely - and that shit stayed with them. It wasn't his fault and he never wanted it, but of course their parents would have had their extremely ill child at the forefront of their thoughts, especially during weeks when he was.. bad. Tyreen by nature even without The Leech's influence is a little attention seeker, she'd be the life of any party and she BLOSSOMS if she's got the spotlight, but as a little kid who's got literally no one but her parents and her brother, and who all three of which can't give her nearly as much time as she deserved? That's rough. That's really unfair. That coupled with The Leech's warping effect on their egos as they grew up and the bitterness and resentment they harbored in different ways created a reverse dynamic. She'd never be out of the Galaxy's attention again, and he'd have no choice but to take his rightful place in her shadow.

I love how you illustrate both how much more, and yet how much less Troy is now. How the blameless child, full of potential, is inextricably linked to the brutal, larger-than-life avatar he fashions.

- DeLeon ( Graphic Violence / Gore / Hallucinations)

He's molded the monster he is now out of the bones of the man he should have been - there's no going back really. There's nothing left to go back to. He broke Troy DeLeon apart to build the persona that acts like an iron lung now, suffocating him breath by breath while forcing him to still take them. That life is over, he killed it before it had a chance, but the idea of it is still there in his subconscious. Somewhere in the absolute trainwreck of Troy's brain is the tiny, flickering belief that maaaaaybe one day this will all be over and he can shuck off the bracer and spines, peel off all the shit he's covered his skin with, and just go back to not being Calypso. DeLeon here isn't some aspect of his mental state or his sins haunting him - it's The Leech, spitting venom at a host it loathes in something that's not sound or comprehensible language. His subconscious has just translated it into something it can understand - his greatest regret.

On if Borderlands Humans originated on Earth -

There's a really tenuous link between BL verse and rEarth, but it's there and can't be ignored. The cultures, accents, terminologies, so many are Earth specific despite these people being spread across galaxies, so hell yes - Earth as an emergence point makes total sense. The next question then, is why is it never mentioned - and you can cover for that with a lot of things like say, tt was so long ago that it's not relevant to anything that would ever be discussed, or it could be a mass evacuation from a catastrophe there is little record of now. I like to go with something along those lines, that the first human Siren host emergence on earth just absolutely decimated the planet. Like, we were doing fine till this random woman somewhere in the ass-end of nowhere develops weird markings overnight, then goes apocalyptic. The first Leech maybe, not understanding her powers and having them rip across continents in a spread of crackling electric death that only left husked shells of plants and animals in its wake, or the first Firehawk who went nuclear and burned the sky, or the first Voidgrasp who lost control and began to collapse the planet's core - some extreme shit that had humans fleeing en masse with barely any preparation and HUGE swathes of history and knowledge left behind. That would cover so many social things surviving into the BL verse, cultures, accents, cooking, that shit comes with us regardless of what we were able to throw into escape ships. Like so much data would be stored on any tech and data arrays within the vessels people would use to leave a dying planet even in an insane rush, but that shit waters down over time - if you're farming barely edible plants on some planet that smells like farts, are you really gonna be that stressed about teaching your kids history from a lost planet when your current concerns are not being eaten by something with 19 legs and 4 buttholes? Don't think so.

On if the other Siren entities are as influential to their hosts as The Leech -

I touch on it a wee bit throughout LL, but the others are FAR more passive and meld more to their host's whims. The Firehawk Siren wouldn't.. like.. care? If the host was burning down a planet or fighting off an evil corporation? They are removed from any nonsense happening on this side, they might not even really be able to tell, it's like asking an amoeba or a collection of sentient atomic particles what its opinion is on Brexit. That's not really its priority. The Leech is so aggressive in its control of the twins and desperation to drive them towards an outcome it desires only cause it's split, broken, removed from the song, and completely lost. We're talking a caged, half-mad animal removed from its natural environment and left totally isolated from its own kind for millennia. It's in pain, it's confused, it wants to find its way back to the song and the others and where it belongs, but it's stopped by a barrier it can't comprehend ( the twins and being ripped between them), so in its impotent rage it feeds back that hatred onto them. It's not really sentient in the way we would describe functional intelligence, but it wants, and craves, and FEELS. And it feels very, very angry.

Big thanks to @undergoingcalibrations for talking through so much of this with me!

Asks are Open!