#UGH I'M USING ALL THE SPOILER TAGS

[shoyoist]

shaking all of you by your shoulders LOOK AT MY MAN

[covertblizzard]

Maybe I'm being sensitive but this whole scene just frustrates and annoys me because like

comparing Steph and Tim so callously with comments that he's "better" and a "quick learner" after her death

having Cass lowkey victim blame Steph for her own death "But she chose--" and "She messed up." plus trying to convince Tim that it's not Steph's fault

the "Maybe it's time I gave you a lesson" like I don't really have a good reason for this one it might just be a personal thing but the tone of that whole sentence makes me feel frustrated and talked down to

[suckishima]

the dichotomy of hinata being so inspired by the little giant that he'll jump at any opportunity to be like him, while the little giant is simultaneously the catalyst for tsukki to spiral down a path of negativity that leads him to be completely disenchanted with volleyball

hinata being inspired by short players, while tsukki harbors subconscious resentment toward them

hinata (the sun) and tsukishima (the moon) both orbiting udai (the sky/cosmos) from opposing perspectives

[geese-howards-transscriber]

"But Judas, the gay rep in Cyberpunk: Edgerunners isn't good rep :/"

Listen to me. Not every gay person is a good person. There's bad people in every group of people, the queer community included. It's a fact of life that you (general) need to learn fast.

If you want your "good and wholesome" rep go watch SU or some shit.

[officialdaydreamer00]

Dear Star Child, if this letter could see it's way to Idia Shroud, I would be most grateful. If you could get the gummy sharks to Idia I would be very happy, but the rest of the sweets are for you ^w^

Dear Idia Shroud,

Wow, it has been a while since I've written a letter that's not for school. Nvm, I have never written a letter outside of school; guess I'm finally putting that knowledge to use… Oh where to to begin, I'm rlly bad at doing the whole social thing yet if you would let me I'd be yapping on for eternity but luckily this is a letter and I have to condense it.

Well, Happy New Year! How the sale going? From what I can see into your world it looks amazing especially Ortho's gear. I'm always so impressed that someone was able to make a robotic body that ranged in movement-- here it feels like we just barely started to touch on robotics here, yet you are designing outfits for Ortho like it's nothing. Honest question, did you bless me with luck for the gacha or something did you know I fell like right when the clock hit midnight or someth, but srsly getting three SSRs without even indenting on getting them is something? I had to get a blessing from you or something. My irl would say that is a blessing from you… they have said "At this point I'm scared your obsession with Idia will transport you into the game" well I do wi Imagine if that happened? I don't even know what I would do? I think I would miss my friends but idk if they would miss me.

ANYWAYS, thats sad, moving on. I could have actually missed all of this I could have been boring and sad and still stuck on my utdr phase. Though it wouldn't be too bad Undertale and Deltarune still have th- WAIT YOU ARE A PURE SOUL-- FREE FROM UNDERTALE SPOILERS. Well I know whats happening if I ever get isekai'd. Gosh I would love to actually sit beside you and watch you play games. It's almost fascinating watching someone who is good at games play… Ehe.. I rlly don't know how to end this? Thx for existing please continue to do that.

P.S. Rlly srry for an typos, I wrote this at like 3 am cause I woke up n couldn't go back to sleep.

~ Your moonlight

(HELP ITS 4:30)

oh I LOVE THE BLUE THEME!! had a bit of oopsie delivering this letter but it's all good!! ( ^-^)/ *

Hey Moonlight.

Ugh nvm that sounds cringe please ignore that-- You know I'm not good with this thing either, so I'm gonna ramble if you don't mind. (I hope you don't or it'd be so embarrasing hhhhhhh)

I guess because of our worlds' differences that you'd find Ortho's gears impressive. I mean, I still do, and he's my brother now, he's gotta have the best tech to accomodate his needs. Your world sounds lowkey slow if they haven't even scratched the basics of robotics yet. Still I gotta hand it to them for making a kinda gateway connecting our worlds together.

YOU GOT? THREE?? SSR CARDS OF ME??? IS THAT WHY I KEPT FAILING GACHA EVENTS?? BC MY LUCK WENT TO YOU???? /j but congrats ig. Hope my cards been helping you through the game(?) By the Sevens, that is so weird knowing that I'm just a game character in your world.

But anywho, ignoring that blatant spoiler of fandoms I've never heard of before, for some reasons, I don't exactly mind having someone like you playing games with me beside Ortho. Maybe it'd be easier to breathe than going out and socialise with normies ugh.

Help how do I end a letter Happy New Year, may you be blessed with luck through the gacha system ig.

Idia Shroud

tags: @identity-theft-101 @twistwonderlanddevotee @ameleii @vioisgoinginsane @cave-of-jade

remember to reblog if you enjoy my works!! ^-^

[weirdsht]

I really love characters with the tendency to bleed and be some human sacrifice. Tysm kdj and krs. 😭 i have a new idea altho I'm not sure if somebody's already done this. Cale and the group with someone who coughs out blood everytime they spill spoilers from the tcf novel? Like she's been transmigrated/reincarnated (whatev you desire (⁠^⁠^⁠). Bro is trying to help so bad bc they hate war so they do it subtly and carefully (imagine having to be careful with your wording, I can't even--) but can't help but shit out blood sometimes or most of the time cos they forget and get frustrated

Forgive me for i love miserable characters...

Hardbound (Paperback pt. 2) - Cale x Reader

notes: I decided to link it to another oneshot I did before because I think it fits. I hope that's okay!

tags: blood, like the whole fic is blood, heavy cursing, Cale might be ooc, NOVEL SPOILERS (near the end of book 1)

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome

Requests are open and welcome

Buy Me Dessert

Paperback Navigation Masterlist

Crimson, the colour of Cale’s hair.

That was the colour Cale can see right now. However, he is not looking at his hair.

“Ugh!”

Instead, he was looking at the blood dripping from your mouth.

“Stop speaking. This is not good for you.”

“Why not? You cough up blood all the time. Why can’t I do the same?”

You joked lightly but Cale didn’t like how weak your voice sounded. Indeed, he always coughs up blood. Especially whenever he overuses his ancient powers. But the blood he coughs up is dark red. Dead blood from his regeneration powers cleansing his body.

Not the vibrant crimson blood dripping from your chin. Blood from a beating heart, a sign of vitality as Eruhaben would say.

“I need to continue, you need to know about this. We must hurry up so just- ugh… so just listen.”

When you told Cale you were going to pull a “World Tree-nim and a Cale combo”, he didn’t know what he expected. 

It certainly wasn’t you trying to give out spoilers from your beloved book and coughing out copious amounts of blood.

“There will be monsters. Ones too hard to– Ugh! Fuck! I’m sure you understand what I mean.”

Drip

“That’s two out of five. Those things will be in a pit. It’ll look like statues, you will also see… you will also see an altar there…”

Drip

Drip

“You don’t need to speak anymore. Please, the rest of us will figure it out.”

“No, no. I’m fine really… Bear bastard, you know who it is, hostages. He’ll– Ugh!”

Drip. Drip. Drip

“It’s Tasha’s people. For a summoning– Fuck that one really hurts! I'm trying to speak as vaguely as possible already, what the hell…”

“Please… I’m going to tape your mouth shut if you don’t shut up.”

Drip

Drip

Drip. Drip. Drip

“I’d like to see you try. The tape won’t stick with all– with all this blood.”

“Haaa”

“Enough jokes. The fourth and fifth ones are connected. In Endable, watch out for bears and black– watch out for black mages. And avoid– Shit! Avoid using instant. But I'm not sure if it's… if it's possible… I need to speak… to speak to Raon. The last spoiler is for him– ugh..!”

Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Cale wanted to refuse. He wanted this to end.

At first, it was just from your mouth.

The blood that is.

Then it started dripping from your left eye. Naturally, your right eye was next.

Then your nose. Then your ears.

Before the commander knew it, your entire face was covered with blood. He tried to wipe it, but they were dripping so quickly that it did nothing.

Cale doesn’t know how are you still conscious. He isn’t even sure if you’re still breathing. That was why he wanted you to shut up. That was why he desperately wanted this to stop.

But it can’t

Cale can’t refuse nor can he end this.

It was because you already made up your mind. And since you did, there’s no stopping you now.

So he gets Raon. Warned the toddler that the sight inside the room would not be pretty, but he must listen. Because their futures are resting upon the words you are about to say.

Upon the words written in your beloved book.

“Human…”

“I know… If you can’t listen I’ll listen for you and rely on the message.”

“No… I’m great and mighty. Because I’m great and mighty I shall listen to this conversation myself.”

Raon flew over to where you were. Placing himself on your lap as he uses his stubby paws to hug you.

“Ah, it feels comforting to have such a great and mighty being comforting me. But you’ll get blood on you– Ugh..!”

Drip. Drip.

The black dragon didn’t care about the blood. He just hugged you tighter at the sound of you coughing up more blood.

“Raon Miru-nim remember this well. Things might get messy and despite my meddling things might still go awry. So I’m telling you right now. In Endable, Cale might become incapacitated to fight– Fuck! Ugh, I promised to not curse in front of you…”

Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Drip…

Drip..

“It will be hard, you will need to do everything yourself, without Cale. In fact, you will have to do his job– ugh… but you must do well. Remember, the first thing you have to do is have Mila-nim on standby. She can heal him.”

Cough

Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip

“I want to say more… but I’m reaching my limit…”

Raon tightened his hug and you weakly reciprocated it. You aren't sure if the wetness you feel in your shirt is from your blood or the dragon’s silent tears. Nonetheless, you still tried to hug Raon tighter.

In the meanwhile, Cale was already calling for servants and healers to attend to you as soon as you admitted your limit. His voice was laced with unusual panic. It made the others who didn’t know what was happening move with urgency.

“Raon-nim…”

“Yes?”

“You are strong, smart, great and mighty, always remember that.”

You weakly stroked Raon’s back, trying to comfort him in advance for the things about to come.

“Young master what’s going on–”

Beacrox and Ron stopped in their tracks when they saw the condition you were in.

“Ahahaha, you guys are right on time. I think… I’m going.. To…”

You couldn’t even finish your sentence for you already fell unconscious. Your body dangerously swaying to fall off from your sitting position on the couch. Luckily, Cale was nearby and managed to catch your falling body.

Cale glanced at you, then he glanced at the open book on the table.

As usual, he couldn’t see what was written on the pages. He could only see the cover title at the front and the synopsis at the back.

But that doesn’t stop him from hating that damned book that put you in this state.

If only you haven’t read that book before coming here.

If only there wasn’t a restriction placed on you by that damned book.

If only…

“Fuck, after this war is done I’m going to try and burn that shitty book one way or another. I don’t care anymore if it’s your favourite.”

note: in case it wasn't clear, the placement of the drips signifies how fast the reader's blood was gushing out

[joanquill]

Marriage proposal

Oh! I hope I’m writing in the right place but could you do one where the reader is the Moriartys little sister and Sherlock is trying to get all her brothers blessing for her and then he proposes with them hiding in the bushes?

Sherlock Holmes

A/N: The reader is the Moriarty's little sister Tag/s: Fem!Moriarty!Reader Warning/s: MANGA SPOILERS! This will be taking place after the time skip.

You gripped the fork and knife as you took another bite, barely tasting dinner as your older brothers stared at you and Sherlock.

You glanced over to Sherlock, seeing him eat casually and unbothered by the tension in the air, let alone the death glare Louis had been giving him all evening.

"(Y/N)," Louis called out, making you look up, "While I'm aware Mr. Holmes has been..." he gulped, "...courting you," you visibly saw him shiver.

"May I ask why you suddenly wanted us to have dinner together?" he inquired, making you wryly smile.

"I've been wanting to know all evening as well..." you whispered, glancing over to Sherlock.

"You haven't asked her?" William asked in disbelief, making Sherlock raise a brow.

"I did, though? Last week," he confirmed, making you furrow your brows.

"Ask me what?" you whispered to Sherlock as he chewed his food and swallowed, leaning to your ear.

"Ahem," Louis cleared his throat, making you both straighten up as Albert took a sip of his wine, enjoying the show.

You let out a deep sigh as you took a sip of your drink, hoping it would help you get through the evening.

"I believe this dinner is your idea, Mr. Holmes?" he asked, making Sherlock hum in confirmation.

"I'm here to ask for your blessings," Sherlock answered flatly, making you choke and cough your drink.

At his answer, Albert put down his glass, William nervously smiled, and Louis bent his fork while you heard muffled voices from the side of the room.

You glanced around the dining room and saw Bonde, Sebastian, Fred, Master Jack, and even Moneypenny by the hallway, trying to crack the door open unnoticed.

"...Please excuse me for a moment," you quickly stood up with an irritated smile, rushing to the hallway and opening it, making Bonde and Sebastian fall on the floor.

"What are you doing!?" you shouted in a hushed tone as Bonde and Sebastian stood up.

"Mr. Holmes proposed to you?"

"You're engaged!?"

"Why didn't you tell us!?"

"You were eavesdropping!?" you scolded, glaring at Bonde and Sebastian.

"That's not the point!" Sebastian denied, trying to change the topic, "Since when have you been engaged!?"

"I'm not!" you confirmed, letting out a sigh.

"Um... Miss (Y/N)?" Fred called out, tugging on the sleeve of your dress.

"Will you please leave!? I already have a hard time making sure this dinner doesn't end in disaster!"

"Miss (Y/N)," Fred called out more urgently, making you turn around and see William and Albert holding back Louis, who had a butter knife in hand, a deadly aura around him as Sherlock continued to eat.

"It might be a little too late for that..."

"Ugh..." you groaned as you sat down on the grass, resting your back on the bushes while Sherlock sat beside you.

"Your brothers are as lively as always," he commented, making you roll your eyes.

"I guess you could call it that," you breathlessly laughed, fanning yourself from running around the manor and ending up hiding in the gardens.

"Also, don't you think joking about us being engaged a little too much as an icebreaker?" you questioned, catching your breath as Sherlock looked at you in confusion.

"I wasn't joking," Sherlock confirmed, making you freeze.

"W-What are you-"

"Darling, I proposed last week," Sherlock smirked, "By the beach, remember?"

You blinked at him in confusion until it hit you, making you gasp and hit his arm.

"When you said you want us to live together..." you breathed out, making Sherlock smile.

"Ah, so you do remember," he chuckled, making you blush and hit his arm.

"Y-You practically said the same thing to William-nii-san! How was I supposed to know it was an actual marriage proposal!?" you defended, making Sherlock laugh.

You huffed out in anger as you stood up.

"Or what? Should I take it as a sign that you and him are-" Sherlock pulled you back down and kissed your lips deeply, hugging you by the waist.

"I guess I have to be more direct," Sherlock smiled as he went on one knee, holding your hand while you used your other one to hide your blushing face.

"Seriously...? Behind the bushes, while we're hiding from my family...?" you muttered, making Sherlock snicker as he raised your hand close to his lips.

"(Y/N) Moriarty, will you marry me?"

[kazehita]

hi! i noticed your recent post recommending the fic natural satellite and i think i've noticed other isat fics around your blog too. because of that, i was wondering if you had a list of recommended isat fics! i will admit i am not someone who just peruses around on ao3 but i love reading about these characters so if you have any recs, i would greatly appreciate them! thanks and i hope you have a lovely day :3

I love ALL isat fic - each and every one is so special and wonderful - but if I listed the whole archive that wouldn't really help huh... So! Im going to list just some off the top of my head., this is in no way definitive. Isat spoilers ahead - get all the way through the game and the secret before proceeding.

Big recommendation list below:

Additionally, mind the tags for each fic - I wont be specifying the content warnings here.

(don't just read the complete ones!!! Incomplete fic is just as delightful I promise :3)

Complete: Bloom - Level99Eevee Most people know it, it sits at the top of the tag! It's my every wish fulfilled for post-cannon moments.

Memories of defeat - dirtbagtrashcat Stuff in and immediately after the loops, fantastic extrapolations!!!! Very much Loop <33 I find this very grounded and realistic!!!!

Emotion Sickness - dirtbagtrashcat Post cannon fun/trauma with siffrin and the gang.

Memories of Touch - dirtbagtrashcat look i just really like their work sjkdjkfjkasdf its all good go through their profile. This is Isa thoughts.

And if I were not myself, would this be easier? - rabbit_soup Post-game! I love how they flesh out the world.

The Understudy - kittyorange Suuuuch a loop fic I love it to bits. Post cannon loop and the gang stuff.

Star-Speckled Skin - Lora_Blackmane Funn angsty moment, title is very descriptive. Lives in my head rent free.

Clinging to dying embers - Coffeewolf67 Odile's perspective of sif using the dagger. appropriate content warnings apply :)

between the end and a new start - glowingjellyfishtreelights SICKFICCC I had a very funny experience with this one where due to memory mishaps I got to read it for the first time twice! Absolute banger.

What's in a name? - Raaj Explores siffrins love of plays. I have to regularly reread this for my brain to function.

Starstruck - Dusk_Illusionist Isa yearns. The fic. It rocks.

Saturn Devouring His Son (Time Choking on Stone Choking on Blood)- BasilPaste Post cannon moment... I like it...

(Why) you can't let them know by Mayasynth sasasap fic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i like it. i hold it. i like it. UGH theres more but I have already listed so many.. my other favorites... im so sorry.,.. i love you guys too... Incomplete:

How To Rest by rabbit_soup Sequel to "And if i were not myself, would this be easier?" Loop is here and I love violence.

TRY IT AGAIN, CHEATER! by discatded "[Loop returns to their own universe after everything. It's hard.]" - from the summary. Love it love it. I will never get enough of this premise.

To Extend our Reach to the Stars Above by Cinnamin_Is_a_Star "Sif if he was team rocket" and is so fun. Very excited to see this one pan out!

until we move on. by Anonymous (also known as lozy) LOOP MY BELOVED..! loop returns to their universe and promptly looses it like the universe intended. Cant get enough of it.

Natural Satellite by dirtbagtrashcat If a single fic makes me the Most insane its natural satellite if I'm honest.... like bro... It just gets right to me...

Sunder by Miranda_tries_their_best Post-cannon Loop fic!! They travel on their own for a bit (but not forever), and I love it dearly.

Face the Light by Kaimiiru Post-game, I hold it close to my heart.... Ah... It's so dear to me.

These next two are sloop so if that's not your thing you have been warned :]

raconte-moi qu’on puisse crier tout bas by bibliomaniac I'm holding this high above my head so everyone can see it the characterization is off the charts.

To Cut You Open With a Knife and Find Your Sacred Heart by Hexea_Art Changeling Loop fic!! What a fun concept. I am excited to see where it goes. yay! AGAIN... THERE ARE SO MANY I LOVE SO MUCH but im forcing myself not to look through the tag else I'd add everything. Honestly, I do recommend just launching right on into the ao3 tag for ISAT even if you aren't super familiar with ao3. Just be sure to filter out anything you don't want to see!

Consider this a good starting point ^^

[jeewrites]

Hold Fast | Ch. 3 - Curdles

Series Masterlist

Rating: M for language, but this blog is 18+ MDNI

Summary: We leave the gym! A little bit of angst (that resolves by the end of the chapter)!

A/N: There are things I’m not tagging to avoid giving away the story. Please remember this is a work of fiction. See the endnote for content warning/spoilers. Tyty to @bloviating-vy for being the best beta.

Word Count: 3.8k

Tags: no y/n, reader has a nickname, swearing, reader is a powerlifting girlie in her late 30's described as short and she has hair long enough to put into a ponytail, Tom is alive unfortunately (we hate Tom), Tom owns a bar called Redfly's, Pope owns a gym, reader's mother is a menace, a lot of Frankie POV oops, use of Daddy but not like that 

<< prev next>>

[text conversation]

😻🐟: Dinner Friday? Pick you up at 7? 🏋🏻‍♀️: 🎉🎉 😻🐟: Gonna to take that as a yes

🏋🏻‍♀️:  💃🏻💃🏻 😻🐟: Uhh, I don't do dancing

🏋🏻‍♀️: 💃🏻 = I'm excited for Friday 😻🐟: roger that 🫡

😻🐟: 💃🏻💃🏻 😻🐟: Did I do that right 🏋🏻‍♀️: 🎉🎉

It's been a week. Time crawled despite your full patient load. Frankie had texted you about dinner on Monday, but you hadn't heard from him since. It's not like you were great with texting either, seeing patients all day and charting in between, as fast as your fingers could humanly type. And the last thing you needed was for him to be texting and flying.

His last text had you chuckling between patients, a half smile ghosting your lips for the rest of the day. Your co-worker remarked on your good mood and you let it slip that you had a date you were looking forward to, before you remembered why you kept your romantic life private. What does he do? Is he also a doctor? Did you land another surgeon? What do your parents think? Does he want kids? Show us a picture!

As much as you liked and cared about the other physicians at the shared practice, they were also all mothers of young children, busy with playdates and the whirlwind of family life. The group practice was set up so the physicians could work part-time while also raising their babies. As the sole single and childless physician of the practice however, it felt like they lived vicariously through you sometimes. Well intentioned but prying questions into your love life or your life in general (what do you do with all that free time?). When you first started at the practice you declared any discussion about your failed engagement off limits. To distract from the drama of that whole part of your life, you sometimes offered up bits about your online dating adventures much to their interest and amusement. That is, until you heard, "I'm so glad I don't have to date anymore" for the millionth time. Ugh.

As you scarf down the last of your lunch on Friday, you feel your phone vibrate, alerting you to a new message. You take a quick peek, smiling when you see it's from Frankie. Your smile falls the next moment as you open the text.

😻🐟: have to raincheck on dinner sweets 🏋🏻‍♀️: is everything ok?

A text bubble appears after you respond, “...” flickering for what feels like eternity before disappearing. Your stomach curdles in concern and disappointment, was he okay? You didn't think he had his daughter this week. Was she ok? You were so looking forward to dinner with Frankie, especially after your last disastrous date with someone from the dating apps.

Frankie was still interested, right? He had hung around for your entire bench workout on Saturday until he absolutely had to go pick up his daughter from his mom's. He had been so protective at the gym when Mike was being an absolute douchebag.

Although he was also protective of Chloe too, that irritating voice in your head, your mother's voice, reminded you. As you sigh, staring at the phone willing him to respond, your favorite nurse Suze pokes her head into the break room alerting you of your next patient that arrived early.

"Ok, be right there," you respond, trying to keep an upbeat tone as you shove your phone and disappointment into your pocket and throw your trash away.

Frankie isn't sure when was the last time he slept more than two consecutive hours since Wednesday. Fuck, Delta-Force Ops Training was easier than this. First, Vanessa had texted Sunday morning, begging Frankie to keep Gabi this week, her week, for some opaque reason related to work being extra busy and Vanessa needing more time for herself. I never ask you for favors, Francisco, Vanessa had guilted him over the phone.

Frankie figured with his work schedule working in his favor this week, he could keep Gabi and have his mamá watch her on the days he flew and on Friday evening so he could still take you out to dinner. His grand plans came crashing down when Gabi started fussing Wednesday, clinging to Frankie and refusing to go to sleep alone. At breakfast she seemed ok, like maybe she just had a cold or something. By dinner time she was burning up, refusing to eat or drink anything. Snot nosed, congested cough, and crying unless he held her. So he did, rocked her all night in her little toddler bed. Waking up to check her temperature, listen to her breathing, was she getting enough oxygen? and jolting awake at every whimper, cough, or cry. 

Gabi's congested cries snap Frankie’s attention back to her as he smooths her matted curls away from her face. She's still feverish to the touch and absolutely miserable. He briefly considers calling Vanessa in his desperation, but could already hear her biting response laced with resentment and anger. Why are you bothering me, Francisco? You're not doing me a favor by calling me when you agreed to keep her. You're the parent with custody right now, so fucking parent already.

This is the first time Gabi has gotten this sick when he had her on his own. Was this the flu? Did she have RSV? Why wouldn't she eat anything? Why couldn't the pediatrician's office fit her in this afternoon?

Call first thing tomorrow if she's doing worse and the Saturday on-call pediatrician can see her, the nurse's aide at the doctor's office tells him before relaying additional instructions on keeping Gabi comfortable and what signs to look for if she needs to go to the ER. It's only after Frankie hangs up the phone that he realizes it's Friday afternoon. He's supposed to take you out in a few hours.

Fuck.

He carefully sets Gabi down and tucks her blankets in around her before walking to the kitchen to wolf something down (when is the last time he ate something?) and text you. He hopes you'll understand he isn't blowing you off, that he really does want to take you out. You'll understand right? You have to know how much he likes you, admires you, is drawn to you anytime you are in the same place together, just wanting to be in your captivating presence. He still thinks you are miles out of his league, too smart, too pretty, too alive, to waste your time on a washed up someone like him with so. much. baggage. 

The fatigue hits him from left field as he texts you to cancel. Eyelids like lead weights despite the bright afternoon sun. As he reads your text response and tries to type his own reply, Gabi lets out a pained cry that sends his fried nerves into overdrive. He drops his phone on the kitchen counter to rush to her side. He tucks her back into his arms, soft words for comfort, and gently rocks her and himself into a hazy half sleep. 

It is still light out when you finally get home from work, but the apartment feels dark and cold for the first time since you left Chase and moved here. Your safe haven feels... lonely now. Too quiet. A single empty coffee mug sits on the small dining table, a ring of tacky coffee dried on the inside, abandoned where you left it as you rushed out the door this morning.

You flop on your small couch and text Frankie one more time asking if he is okay. The silence you usually welcome sits heavy — dense and gray — as you wait for a response. When none comes, you consider showing up at Redfly's to hangout with Benny and the guys, but you realize you'd have to explain why you are there and not out to dinner with Frankie. This is what Chloé must have meant when she was worried things would get complicated.

You need to get out of your apartment, out of your head, before you drown in the silence. You consider for half a second, phone in hand and thumb hovering over a dating app icon, maybe you should respond to the dozen or so messages in your inbox, before you click your phone off. No, you didn't want to make it more messy and you are just reacting. Running from fucking feelings that spread like tendrils down your spine and around your chest the more you think about Frankie and the way he looked at you with those big brown eyes, listened to you, and showed you that he was, is, interested. There has to be a legitimate reason he canceled on you tonight.

So you decide to do what you always do when you need to work out your big feelings. You go work out your muscles. Bigger muscles to handle bigger feelings. Release the not good enough, never good enough insecurities bubbling up and move through them rep by rep. Between a rare work shift tomorrow and the rest of the guys gathering at Redfly's, it feels like as good a time as any to get your SBD day in. You won't have to worry about getting in that monster of a workout after working six days in a row. Small blessings and all that. You pack extras of your favorite snacks.

"Who do we have on tap today?" you ask Suze as she comes around the corner to your work station. You cup your oat milk latte in both your hands, willing the espresso to work faster. Working Saturdays still sucks even if it is only every six weeks instead of every week. The parents are usually more freaked out and the cases often more severe. Fingers crossed you won't have to admit anyone to the hospital today. At least you got paired with your favorite nurse and you both worked together well as a team. 

"Just the one kiddo with RSV-like symptoms so far. Dad's been calling since Thursday afternoon trying to get in for us to see her. Seems really worried, neither of 'em have slept much. Looks like mom is the one who usually brings her in, parents are divorced, and this is Dad's first time here." She continues with a list of symptoms she collected from the parent, adding her own observations and vitals she'd taken before you thank her and grab the tablet with the patient's chart on it to head to the exam room.

Suze lowers her voice before adding,“Oh, and between you and me, the dad is gorgeous.” Suze gives you a freckled smirk before heading back to the front. You flash her your best O, rly? face before you both break into maniacal giggles as quietly as possible. Suze always makes the work day better, you think as you make your way to the exam room.

You take a deep breath outside the door, glance at the patient's first name, and flip on your doctor demeanor as you knock on the door. At the muffled come in, you swing the door open and start to say Hi, Gabriella, I'm Dr. — before you realize you're looking at a distraught and disheveled Frankie cradling his daughter in his arms. 

Was he dreaming? Did he forget to wake up and take Gabi to the doctor's? Why did the pediatrician look so much like you? Frankie rubs his eyes and looks up from his seat in the exam room chair. Nope, it is you standing there, white coat on and stethoscope around your neck looking like an angel despite the harsh fluorescent lights.

"Sweets?" he croaks. Ok, yeah, he definitely didn't forget to wake up because he can't wake up if he hadn't fallen asleep. He's sure he sounds as sleep deprived as he looks. 

"Frankie?" you ease the door shut and step towards him. 

Gabi lets out a congested cry and clings tighter to Frankie when she sees you approach. 

"Shh, bebita, it's ok. The doctor's here to help you feel better," Frankie soothes, voice tinged with desperation.

He needs you to help Gabi feel better so he can feel better too. He looks up at you and catches you with knitted brows, chewing your lower lip for a moment before your face smooths, like you thought something over and made a decision. 

You squat down to eye level with Gabi, "Hi Gabriella, I'm Dr. Sweets." 

Gabi eyes you warily, "My. Name. Is. Gabi." Sniffles punctuate each word.

"Nice to meet you Gabi. Can you come sit up here for me?" you ask as you move to pat the exam table. Gabi buries her face into Frankie's flannel, shaking her head no no no.

"Oh, right, uh... she's been going through a big stranger danger phase," Frankie explains. He's worried you'll think he's the worst father, unable to get his daughter to comply.

"That's perfectly normal at this age," you reassure him, stepping back to give Gabi some space.

You hesitate for a moment before looking at Frankie and continuing, "It's kind of a gray area, treating someone or someone's kid I know... uh, socially." You pause for a moment, glancing at your tablet, appearing flustered. "But, um, I know it's Saturday and I don't want Gabi to have to wait until Monday to see someone if I can help her now. You okay with that, uh, Mr. Morales?"

Frankie nods with understanding, after panicking for a moment in his exhaustion, thinking that you are going to kick them out because he was supposed to take you out yesterday. Was that just yesterday? Also, “Mr. Morales” made him feel old.

"Ok then, please hop up on the exam table with Gabi for me then," you direct him, smooth doctor demeanor back on, as you pull the rolling stool over to the wall mounted monitor adjacent to the exam table. You pull up Gabi's chart on the screen and glance over the information. 

"How about we chat a little bit about how Gabi's doing before we work on the stranger danger?" 

Frankie grunts in agreement and stands with a groan before moving to sit on the exam table with Gabi. The exam table paper crinkles under his weight as he settles onto the table, checking to make sure Gabi is comfortable. You chat with him, running through his concerns, Gabi's symptoms, all the while warmly affirming the care he's given Gabi. He finds himself relaxing into the conversation as you lead him through your questions with a gentle and comforting voice. Everything is going to be fine. I'm going to take good care of Gabi. You did a great job taking care of her, Frankie. Delicate pecks on the keyboard as you document in Gabi's chart while also monitoring Gabi's body language towards you.

"Well, I think I have everything I need besides giving Gabi a once over," you conclude with a reassuring smile, standing up slow and steady, as Gabi continues to eye you, a miniature furrow in her brow identical to her father’s. Gabi burrows her face back into Frankie's flannel. 

You offer soft words to Gabi who continues to shake her head “no” into Frankie's shirt before flicking your eyes up to Frankie as if to ask for his permission.

"How about I give your Daddy a quick check up and make sure he's healthy first?" you ask Gabi, a hint of playfulness in your voice, as you look to Frankie to confirm he's okay with it. You could do whatever you want to him if it would help you help his little girl, he thinks. Stab him with a needle and take his blood for all he cares.

Gabi pauses her head shaking and peeks out at you, soft brown curls falling over her eyes.

"Promise it's not going to hurt him, like it's not going to hurt you sweet pea," you soothe.

Gabi looks between Frankie and you with a bit more curiosity than suspicion. Frankie's heart swells as you talk to her with soft patience, explaining what the different scopes are used for, before demonstrating on Frankie, shining a light into his eyes, asking him to open wide and say aaaahhh, so you could look at his throat. Gabi giggles when he lets out an exaggerated aaaahhhh! He hopes he remembered to brush his teeth this morning. 

Through it all, you worked through Gabi's stranger danger, peeling back layer after layer with your playfulness with the utmost patience and care. Frankie can feel Gabi relaxing her grip on his shirt, softening to you. He can feel the remaining tension he was holding in his stomach slowly unravel at your light touches and soft praise as you pretend to assess him and give gentle words of explanation to Gabi. 

When you click on a disposable tip on the otoscope to check his ears, you let out a mock gasp “What's this?” that has Gabi climbing out of Frankie's arms as you magically pull a small stuffie out of his ear. 

"Can you hang on to this little guy for me and keep him safe?" you ask her with your serious face on. Gabi nods and makes grabby hands before settling back into Frankie's lap facing forward towards you and hugging the stuffie within an inch of its life. 

"I'm going to take a look at your ears now Gabi, okay?" you ask as you receive the smallest little nod from her. She allows you to check her eyes and throat as well. You note the redness in her throat before praising her extra loud aaaahhhh! Frankie's pretty sure you're a toddler whisperer at this point.

As you pull the stethoscope from around your neck, Gabi looks up and shrinks at the new equipment. Just going to use this to listen to your heart beat and how you're breathing, sweetpea, you explain, but Gabi starts to shake her head “no” again.

You pause for a beat before digging around the small toy box underneath the exam table before pulling out a play stethoscope. Now we have matching ones, you say as she abandons the stuffie for the new toy. You show her how to put the ear tips in her ears holding the diaphragm against Frankie's chest over his heart. Can you hear your daddy's heartbeat? Does it sound like a thump thump thump? Gabi nods with wide eyes and delight. He's relieved it's Gabi listening to his heart and not you as his heart started to race at your light touch to his chest.  

It's smooth sailing after that. Gabi allows you to complete the physical exam, taking deep breaths on cue as you listen to her lungs, before you sit back down on your rolling stool. As you add to the electronic chart, Frankie catches your small grin as Gabi continues to play with the stethoscope, smooshing it against his cheek, nose, then forehead.

After a few more pecks on the keyboard, you turn to Frankie to give him your diagnosis (no, it's not RSV, thank goodness), but another viral bug that mimicked some of the symptoms of RSV. It’s been making the rounds in the community, but Gabi should recover within the week. As you move to discuss detailed care instructions and prescriptions to help alleviate Gabi's symptoms, Gabi tires of playing with the stethoscope and turns to you instead, arms outstretched.

Frankie can tell you're surprised as Gabi makes the universal toddler motion for "up." You pause before rolling over on the stool. Gabi leaps at you as you get closer and you manage to catch her in your arms despite your surprise. She immediately settles into you, tucking her head under your chin and plopping a thumb into her mouth, anchoring her other little hand on the shoulder of your white coat.

"No more stranger danger," you joke with an amused smile as Gabi cuddles into you with a sniffle.

You finish delivering the care instructions to Frankie as you rock Gabi, double checking with Frankie if he has any questions or further concerns. You reaffirm what a great job he did with Gabi the last few days, a balm to his frayed nerves and self-doubt. He could wrap himself in your reassurance and gentle patience, your soft, gentle words healing him. Is this what falling in love with you feels like?

"You can call the office if something changes or she gets worse," you offer, voice quieting. "Or you know, call me."

Frankie nods, relieved Gabi doesn't have RSV, doesn't need to go to the hospital, but also so moved seeing you with Gabi in such an unexpected situation. Your incredible care and patience for his baby girl, all softness and gentleness from your words to your touch. This side now melds with his experiences with you at Redfly's, at Pope's, the flirty fun side of you and raw strength he knows you possess. It makes him dizzy to think about the multitudes within you that he's experienced so far and hopes to experience more of it. Soft, strong, playful, and so fucking brilliant.

"I'll walk you out to the front where Suze can finish up and get everything sorted," you instruct as you stand and walk for the door. Frankie sees Gabi's grip tighten on your shoulder as you move. Baby girl does not want to leave. As you approach the exit to the waiting room, Gabi fusses, burying her head in your chest, not wanting to leave. Clinging to you as if she didn't spend half the visit hiding from you in Frankie's shirt.

"I know, sweet pea," you comfort. "Just having too much fun with Dr. Sweets, hmm?"

"Don't wanna go," Gabi pouts, refusing to look at Frankie. "I see you tomorrow?" 

You look at Frankie for a beat before responding, "Well, if it's okay with your Daddy, I can stop by tomorrow and check on you. Maybe bring you some tasty chicken noodle soup? Would you like that?" Gabi nods “yes” into your shoulder. 

"Sweets, uh, Dr. Sweets, you don't have to do that," Frankie balks. You've already done so much, he thinks. 

You look up at him with soft eyes, "But I want to. If you're okay with it."

"Wanna see Doc-tah Weee," Gabi whines, pronouncing your name like weee!

"Okay, but you gotta go home with your Daddy first," you say as you manage to untangle yourself from toddler limbs before handing Gabi over to Frankie. "I'll see you tomorrow, 'kay?" before you boop Gabi on her nose and hand her the stuffie. "Take good care of him for me until then." Gabi clutches the stuffie and nods.

"Hey," Frankie places his free hand on your forearm as you turn to go. "Thank you. So much."

"Take care of yourself too, Morales," you murmur, patting his hand and returning his gaze before heading back to your work station.

<< prev next >>

Endnote/SPOILERS: medical jargon, mention of needles and blood once, Frankie’s daughter Gabi gets sick and he cancels his date with you without explaining why. Frankie takes Gabi to see the weekend/on-call pediatrician and it’s you. Frankie falls more for you as he sees you interact with his baby girl. 

👉👈 A little nervous as the story leaves the gym (we'll be back!), but I have such fun, sweet things planned for them. As always, comments and reblogs give me lifeee and keep me writing. I am open to constructive feedback but please be gentle with this baby powerlifting writer, yeah? I might be able to squat you, but I'm a big ol' softie.

Taglist: @katareyoudrilling @christinamadsen @rebel-held @littlemisspascal @burntheedges @darkheartgatita @enretrogue @titabel @copperhalfcent

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol 16

Howdy folks,

I went into a state of psychosis this week and read a truly absurd amount of fics... again. I don't even know where I'm finding the time, truly, but here we are. I didn't spend as much time keeping up with the WIPs I'm reading, so honestly that's probably it. Also I had a lil monsterfucking moment one day this week. I'll highlight those green so if you want to avoid reading the summaries/thots on those they're easy to spot.

You can find my Spreadsheet here and all my previous recs here! Do feel free to tag me in your works and I will happily give them a look and most likely you'll see them here the next week!

Recs below the behind the scenes Joel!

SNAFU - a Frankie series by @theywhowriteandknowthings

The Triple Frontier boys as Shifters!!! This honestly makes so much sense? Like they work SO well with this dynamic. I adore Pope and Reader's bond like right out of the gate. What I really, really fucking loved though was Reader and Frankie, of course. I love how they characterized him and I really love the way that Frankie and reader bonded over time. Frankie being grumpy is so fun lol. A lot of the little details in this fic are what really make it good, ya know? The pack dynamics, the bonding moments, the badass reader, reader's uhhh issue (spoiler, I think, so I'll be quiet here) but yeah. Just. Wonderful. Can't wait for more.

only daddy that'll walk the line - a Joel one shot by @millerscoffee

So this request was sent to two different blogs and I read them both and loved them both. I read this one first. I really fucking loved Reader's dynamic with Joel in this. Joel is such a dick lmao. I thought the situation with reader's dad was done well and I also loved the hinting at Joel's trauma. And of course... the smut. God that was hot. Joel is so fucking dominant. The spitting? please. and Reader keeping up the brat thing just really fucking makes it. She needed Daddy Joel to make her behave lmao. SO GOOD

Little Bee - a Joel one shot by @atticrissfinch

And this is the other version of this request that I read. I related to the specifc brand of Daddy Issues in this one lmao. Dad who doesn't want you so you look for a protective older man (why am I like this). I loved the way reader antagonized Joel in this. The denture comment is hilarious. The bee motif is fuckin great, also. I like that Joel kind of initiates things in the mess hall. The smut is so god damn hot man. Like jesus fucking christ. And then the post nut clarity really made me giggle. "should not have done that" PLS

Closer - a Joel series by @beardedjoel

Hot neighbor!joel!! This is a smut marathon style fic with a good bit of feelings. The smut is sooooo good!! I really liked her friend Sofia too. I'm about halfway through this and I can't wait to see how reader and joel's relationship develops!

Rises the Moon - a Joel one shot by @psychedelic-ink

(monsterfucking, but you're the monster! also monster is being used very loosely here) mermaid reader x lighthouse operator joel!!! I really enjoyed this. The mermaid reader was super interesting. I wanted to know more about her background, honestly. And the way poor lonely Joel so desperately wanted to care for her UGH. It was seriously lovely. I also really liked how reader didn't commit to like... giving up being a mermaid for him (even just once a month), and he didn't ask her to. The ending is really lovely. (And the smut is hot idc if I couldn't quite imagine how it worked, it was perfect).

Playing with fire - a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters

Super hot smutty lil dad's best friend one shot. I love when Joel gets all pissy. Makes me want to tease him even more lmao

Cupid's Chokehold - a Din one shot by @deathwife

I haven't read a body swap fic before and I must say the dynamic with it being Din, so reader can't see his face even though it's her face, and also the smut was just like... really good. I was fascinated the whole time + the smut was hot as hell. It's really fun to read it from the perspective of the dick owner lmao. I really adored their relationship and just overall thought this was lovely. Reader calls Din "Djarin" so if you're like me and marrying Din would give you an awful name (Din Gin....), you're not alone. <3

I think i know - a Joel one shot by @pascalisbaby

OMG Reader's sister is so mean in this she fucking deserves Joel cheating on her. Yes this is Sister's Husband!Joel. And yes it's really fucking hot. Reader is a menace to fucking society in this prancing around half naked and seducing a married man and I support every second of it. I know what Joel said at the end but I think he'll be back for more....

close your eyes, pay the price for your paradise - a Joel/Tommy series by @ozarkthedog

Raider (?) Tommy and Joel are so fucking hot. Read the warnings on this one kids, it's gonna be a rough one. Nothing happens in this part though, really. Basically you're stranded on the road (post outbreak / pre tess) and Joel and Tommy roll up in their truck and take you to their cabin.

a day in the filth - a Joel one shot by @toxicanonymity

This is pure filth, as the title implies. It would seem you're Joel's little sex toy, essentially. Brat tamer!Daddy!Joel. There's a lot going on here and it is all unreasonably hot.

Bodily Exchange - a Pero Tovar one shot by @absurdthirst

I finally caved a read a mafia fic and somehow it wasn't Joel. I really loved how much of a fucking dick Tovar was and how bratty reader was. The end was so much sweeter than expected, which was a nice surprise. Such a filthy fic with a sweet happy ending!

New York or Nowhere - a Joel series by @beskarandblasters

BODEGA JOEL!!! I love when you're trying to help your friend come up with a fic based on a very specific request and somehow you come up with a completely different fic altogether. New York transplant Joel owns Beldro's Deli. You think he's really hot but your friends think he's a creep. I personally think if he's a little bit of a creep that just makes it better, but then again I'm a little insane <3

Shiver and Shake - a Joel one shot by @multiversed-daydreamer

I have ADHD and literally do the thing where I have thought spirals during sex. I loved this take on that experience and mean ol dom Joel being there to bring your focus back where it belongs (on him). Super fucking hot ugh. And it was their first TLOU fic and I thought the QZ Joel characterization was spot on <3

Roads - a Joel series by @milla-frenchy

Baby's first fic!! So you grew up with Tommy, best friends and all that. You get to know Joel as an adult and there's a spark right away. The first installment here takes place 3 years before present day, after Joel breaks your heart and you literally move to get away from him. The promise of so much angst has me salivating almost as much as the really hot smut.

Promise - an Ezra one shot by @criticallyacclaimedstranger

MONSTERFUCKING! I had a little binge this week.. you'll see. Anyway Ezra is a literal actual dragon in this with a big ol dragon dick and everything. This fic includes so many wild ass kinks I simply do not (or did not know I?) have. And yet I still loved it. Thought it was super fucking hot. I really liked the imagery of the castle and the bedroom. Also the end was kind of sweet?

Common Courtesies - a Din one shot by @juletheghoul

More monsterfucking -- demon!din! I fucking love Pride and Prejudice. Jane Austen in general. Mr. Darcy is one of the literary loves of my life. This little Pride and Prejudice-esque Demon!Din fic hit every mark. I loved it so much. Din is so charming and mysterious and sexy ugh. I would marry him in a heartbeat.

Solum - a Dave York one shot by @ezrasbirdie

You guessed it! Monsterfucking. Demon!Dave York!!! I really enjoyed the blending of the movie plot with the demon arc! It was so well done!! Dave was super sexy in this ugh. I too feel a strange pull toward extremely dangerous men covered in blood. Reader gets me. I am her. She is me. Demon!Dave can take me as his little human sex toy any day, idc. I also kind of loved that he was so sweet on Carol in this? Like usually in Dave fics he kinda hates her or cheats on her or she's his ex, but in this one the whole catalyst was keeping her and his girls safe. Very sweet.

Sell My Soul For You - a Marcus P one shot by @absurdthirst

--monsterfucking-- Marcus is so sweet. So sweet that Reader is getting a little aggravated he can't be a less sweet in bed. (Girl have you tried like... talking to him about it?) Anyway, sweet, impulsive, reckless Marcus finds out you feel this way via buttdial and does he like... work on it with you and slowly learn to be better? No. He goes out and sells his soul to a demon to be a better Dom. Idiot. He's cute tho, so I'll let it slide. The smut is super fucking unreasonably hot, of course.

Bad Moon Rising - a Jack series by @wardenparker

--werewolf!Jack-- This fic is actually so fucking sweet!! So part one, Reader doesn't know Jack is a werewolf and he just kinda shows up on her ranch and they hit it off immediately. There's lots of lovely animal references and stuff and it's all really hot. I love the plot too!! this is not just werewolf porn! Shit is incredible! I love the characterization. But anyway if you're not into monsterfucking just read part one. Part two tho... oh boy. Full on werewolf sex. And reader has a kink for it! She's just like me fr.

Kudzu - an Ezra one shot by @beskarberry

--weird alien hybrid ezra-- I have lots of emotions about this fic. First of all, read the warnings. They're extensive and they're there for good reason. I love a good horror fic, which is kind of what this felt like? Like the weird tension and unknowing and the freaky way Ez is talking and that arm. I was thoroughly freaked out (and I love that!!). There were so many clever and interesting things going on in this fic AHHHH, Oh and the ending is just like super sweet and wonderful and so good? The end balances out the kind of horrific nature of the rest of the fic. Also if any of that sounds insulting I really don't mean it that way, I promise. I went in to it expecting to be freaked out and it delivered so well.

Yes Father - a Joel series by @chloeangelic

Your boring catholic husband doesn't fuck you right and you really want to leave him, so Father Joel helps you satisfy your needs so you don't destroy your marriage and go to hell. I love blasphemy. It's hot idc. I think my favorite thing about it is Father Joel randomly admonishing you for foul language and taking the lord's name in vain while he's literally got some part of his body buried in yours. I giggled. I really adore this. It was super fun and super hot.

Pillow Talk - a Joel one shot by @theboredinsomniac

Joel is soooo the jealous type. This fic is basically y'all having an adult conversation about him being an insecure jealous little bitch and it's got the most adorable ending.

Born to Run - a Marcus Pike series by @whataperfectwasteoftime

Penny's Marcus is just perfect. Every damn time. Unless I'm mistaken, this was her first Marcus fic? I was in the mood for a sweet multichapter thing with some hot smut and I was sooooo not disappointed by this. I'm on chapter 8 now, so about halfway through. Marcus is so sweet and precious and still impulsive as ever, but unlike Theresa, reader is right there with him. I really adore that this fic takes place in KY (and it really captures the vibe of Kentucky too) since I'm from there! I very much do not relate to the fact that reader is a marathon runner, but that's okay. I think it's really cool and I love the way they meet and that Marcus isn't fully a white knight? She can take care of herself. Super fucking cute fic ugh. Oh yeah and the smut is to die for jesus christ Marcus is hot.

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Happy Reading!

[goldensunset]

mutual 1: [this post contains filtered tags]

mutual 2 (who has been gone for 24 hours): sorry about the hiatus guys i'm finally back!!!!

mutual 3: ugh i need him so bad <3 i love him more than his creator does <33333333333333

mutual 4: y'all really love to hide behind 'it's just media!' as if it doesn't have immediate and obvious effects on the people who consume it. sorry you think your obsession with bluey is more important than oh idk the lives of real people????

mutual 5: guys i just wanna say i'm so grateful for the rest of the bluey fandom. it got me through the worst years of my life and taught me a lot and i'm so glad we can all celebrate and talk about it together :)

mutual 6: [this post contains filtered content {url of detested mutual-in-law}]

mutual 7: good morning everyone! i am handing you all a small flower (*≧ω≦*)

mutual 8: i am in severe financial crisis

mutual 9: BLORBO/BLIMBUS NATION LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THEY LOOKED AT EACH OTHER

mutual 10: [completely untagged and unfilterable spoilers for something that just came out]

mutual 11: [this post contains four different filtered tags]

mutual 12 (does not actually follow you back but like. in your heart in your dreams): anyone have any drawing requests? :-D

mutual 13: i'm going to personally throttle my pharmacist why do i have to jump through hoops to stay alive

mutual 14: [the same post reblogged 10+ times in a row]

mutual 15: is tumblr mobile doing this weird glitch for anyone else?

mutual 16: that's why squibbus makes me cry- authorus squibbithon just writes his story so beautifully and delicately and dives deep into the troubled beauty of his soul and the way he strives to overcome his trauma every day...

mutual 17: i used to jump in the river and let the current take me

[thebigbiwolf]

Starvin' Darlin - Chapter 2

Pairing: Not quite friends to lovers Astarion x OC/F!Tav

Chapter Summary: Seeing Evelyn with Gale stirs up some unfamiliar and VERY unwelcome feelings in Astarion. And for some reason, she graces him with a midnight visit. I'm terrible with summaries but here's what's in store for you:

* A bit of possessive!Astarion if you squint

* More pining

* More biting

* Deep DEEP emotional constipation (my personal favorite)

Fic Tags: Minor spoilers for Act 1, The Bite Scene, Emotional slow burn, Angst, Teasing, Frottage (god I'm sorry), Pining, This is my first ever fic so idk how to tag things appropriately but you get the gist.

Fic Warnings: Eventual Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI), Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Dubcon (I cannot stress this enough), Bloodlust/Loss of control, Mentions of blood, lmk if you need anything else tagged.

Read on AO3: Here

Word Count: 5k

A/N: School and life have been kicking my ass but I finally got around to finishing this chapter and I couldn't wait to post it! I'm having so much fun writing in Astarion's POV. Huge thank you to my bestie @imaginarydromedary for being the best beta ever and for your endless patience with me.

The morning that follows that fateful night in Evelyn’s tent goes rather well, all things considered.

She approaches Astarion first. A pleasant surprise, considering they could hardly look at each other after he ravaged her the night before. 

He looks over the novel he had been skimming, Shanties for the Bitch Queen . Admittedly, not one of his favorites, but reading material was scarce these days. He closes it with a soft thud and rises to meet her, all pleasant smiles and perfectly coiffed hair. 

“Good morning.” he says, a curious tilt to his head. 

She looks a bit more pale than usual with faded, grim circles forming underneath her eyes. Her bun is a bit unruly, some strands falling into her face and parted by the wine-dark bone of her horns. She either didn’t sleep well or is still reeling from the anemia. 

The bruise he administered had spread and darkened, plainly visible even under the black ink of her tattoos. It seems she found no use in hiding it, then. Very well. It’s not like they keep extra scarves laying about the camp, anyway.

“How do you feel?” he asks, gently. He doesn’t mean to provoke her, but his curiosity is getting the better of him, and the slightest hint of shame is beginning to burrow its way into his conscience. Ugh . He thinks he prefers the tadpole.

“A bit woozy.” She responds, “I woke up this morning with the intention of asking you how one usually fares after being drained, but then I remembered,” she stops herself when she realizes what she’s about to say: I was your first. Unspoken, but lingering between them . It makes him want to laugh; A woman with a reputation such as hers acting so bashful .

“It’ll pass,” he reassures, “Just be glad I’m not a true vampire. A bite from one of them and you might wake up as a vampire spawn, like my good self. All of a vampire’s hunger, but few of their powers.”

“Speaking of hunger,” Evelyn says, realizing she’s famished. She turns from him and begins making her way towards the campfire. Finding that only charred logs and old cinders remain, she runs the black tip of her boot through the ashes with the intention of stoking the fire back to life, dust clouding, then dispersing before her.

He follows closely behind, observing. She seems well, all things considered. A bit out of sorts, but nothing a bit of rest couldn’t cure.

“You know, I had considered bringing you an apple,” Astarion starts, hovering by the pit, “Leaving it by your bedside before you rose for the day - ever the gentleman, but,” he clears his throat. 

That newly recognizable twinge of something is curling its way back into his chest, causing him to squint in discomfort. 

In truth, he didn’t know how she would react to him encroaching on her space. Not after that dreadful attempt on her life. He is a monster, after all. That, and she had already been so insufferably forgiving. Such kindness is likely to reach its end sooner rather than later.

“I - erm, didn’t want to disturb your rest.” is what he finally settles on. Polit , he thinks, Best not overdo it.

“That would have been nice of you.” She says it quietly, more to herself than to him.

“Oh, darling, you have no idea how nice I can be.” The flirtation sneaks its way out of him on an impulse. He’s about to apologize, something he seems to be doing a bit too often for his taste, when out of the corner of his eye, he catches one of their companions making their way towards them. 

“It appears we have company.” Astarion sneers, “And here I thought I was going to have you all to myself this morning.”

To the elf’s surprise, most of them were quick to come around to the idea of a vampire spawn slinking about. Especially once they found themselves in the middle of an ambush, and Astarion very quickly made good on his promises to her. 

Newfound strength coursed through his body, her blood weaving threads of heat through his veins as if it were his own. His speed was unmatched, cutting down half a dozen goblins before they had a chance to wail.

 It was exhilarating . 

The day flew by in flashes of red. Despite the many unnecessary stops Evelyn insisted on making to help undesirables, Astarion’s emotional high managed to remain relatively intact. That was, until their group settled in for the night.

As most of the others retired to their tents, the elf prepared for his nightly ritual: sifting through his collection of tomes and selecting one to read under the stars - his favorite way to end the evening. 

It was supposed to be perfect. Uneventful. Quiet .

But, there was Gale: lost in thought and muttering to himself, or maybe to the conjured image of some woman’s head floating above his hand. Astarion may have been able to ignore that in itself, but the sound of light footsteps drew his attention. 

Evelyn was approaching the wizard. 

He scoffs. Of course Gale was showing off in hopes of procuring her attention. The man was practically putting on a damn light show in his desperation. It’s not enough that the wizard eats valuable items they could be using to pawn for coins, but does he really have to be such an unbearable distraction as well?

“Pretty,” he recognizes the word as it leaves her. The sound of their chatter was too faint for it to carry its way to his beautifully pointed ears, but he could just barely read Evelyn’s lips at this angle.

Gale startles, dropping his hand along with his focus. The woman’s visage vanishes. He looks embarrassed, shifting uncomfortably as he no doubt explains himself in some horribly mundane fashion.

Astarion returns to his book, scanning over the page, but the words refuse to settle in his mind. He stares at the ink, willing the sentences to fill his head with anything other than the nonsense unfolding in front of him, but his focus stubbornly remains on the chattering pair.

Gods, he’s talking her ears off. 

At any moment, Evelyn will dismiss the man, embarrassing the hells out of him, which will make for an excellent show. That in itself is enough reason to keep watching. But the longer this goes on, the less he’s sure. 

She seems to be enjoying their chat, nodding in agreement at Gale’s words, listening to him without so much as a hint of impatience. Gale then steps behind her, a bit too close for the likes of an average, friendly conversation. His chest almost touches the woman’s shoulder as he moves into her space, the cloth of his nightshirt just barely grazing her. 

Something within Astarion begins twisting in protest. His thumb runs over the long-forgotten page in circles. The rough texture reminds him that yes, he was supposed to be reading, or at least attempting to look disinterested, but he can't will himself to turn away.

Gale smiles softly down at her, then begins to move his arms in a way that could only be described as a poor imitation of a wounded bird. Purple light emanates in front of the two of them in response. More magic tricks. Of course. As if that would be enough to impress the woman who’s supposedly been at the receiving end of every imaginable courting attempt in Faerun. 

Astarion rolls his eyes, content to continue his chapter of The Realm According to Bumpo, before he notices Evelyn following suit, imitating the very same motions. She, however, has a grace about her, unlike the bearded beast at her side. Her movements are quick and decisive, abandoning all flattery for precision. The burst of light emanates from her palms, just as it had for the wizard.

She looks pleased. Elated, even. This is the first time he’s seen her smile since she made a fool out of him in her tent, caressing his body and reveling in its reaction, like he was some sort of toy. Though her expression looks different to him now. He can’t quite place his finger on why.

He swallows, attempting to alleviate the tightness in his throat. 

A purple aura starts radiating around them, dancing and swaying in waves, as if the two were surrounded by a flowing channel of lavender, smelling of rosewater; the sun setting over a dark ocean. Even from a distance, the sight pulls at something inside him. An unwelcome ache settles within his chest.

Evelyn turns to the man next to her, unaware that they’ve been drawn closer by the magic enveloping them. She tilts her head back to meet Gale’s gaze. The way he’s looking at her, the flecks of gold in her irises locked with his: deep, brown, and moving, makes Astarion’s skin itch.  

He finds himself wondering what color his own eyes were before his transformation. Were they so seemingly honest, so trustworthy in their melanism, before they became what they are now? Sharp, red, and tinted by bloodlust. Wouldn’t they be boring? 

“You’re staring.”

He’s pulled from his brooding by the sound of Shadowheart’s observation. He hadn’t noticed her approaching him, distracted by that sickening, sweet smell. “Or has the tadpole gifted you with the ability to telepathically commune with books?”

“I’m simply admiring our wizard’s talents.” Astarion says, dismissing her with a wave, “Making sure all those expensive boots and rings haven’t gone to waste. It would be a pity, wouldn’t it? Unnecessarily sacrificing clothes that may have suited you while you’re having to traipse about in a tin can?”

The cleric snickers, “I see. Is that why you look like a kicked pup? Or, are you upset that your master’s replaced you with a new lapdog?” 

He slams the book closed. The sound surprises Evelyn, and the magic surrounding her and Gale dissipates. 

He doesn’t dignify Shadowheart with a response, nor does he spare a second glance at the others before retreating to the quiet solace of his tent.

”That wretched little…” He grumbles to himself as soon as he closes the entrance, tossing Bumpo atop the other novels in his collection, all piled haphazardly on the small desk occupying a corner of his living space. 

This type of reaction was unusual for him. Astarion would normally be happy to engage in petty banter. The more scathing, the better, but Shadowheart had somehow weaseled her way into a tender area. It left him feeling exposed, and a bit nauseated at the idea of allowing someone so clearly beneath himself, at least in terms of wit, to get the better of him. 

Taking a deep breath, Astarion focuses on releasing the tension in his jaw. Best not to let this ruin his entire night, he reasons, before lighting  several half-melted candles littering his quarters. Their flames emanate a soft, golden glow, and the process is meditative enough to finish soothing him. 

He doesn’t have watch tonight, so he allows himself some extra comfort, removing his shirt before sinking down into the soft furs of his bedroll. Astarion closes his eyes to trance, thinking the extra rest will do him some good, but the image of Evelyn rushes back to his mind -  the way her soft lips parted in surprise, realizing her and Gale’s close proximity, and how his gaze flitted down to her mouth in return..

The wizard should be wearing a damn collar around his neck with how she commands his attention. It’s pathetic.

It couldn’t be a matter of coincidence, surely. She must know the effect she has on the man. If Gale harbors feelings for her ( yuck ), even if it were the result of close quarters, Evelyn could use it to her advantage. She had just revealed the effectiveness of similar tactics to him last night, and a powerful wizard would be a powerful ally. 

Whereas, Astarion is just… a vampire spawn. Not even a true vampire. A slave. A nobody.

He rubs his face in frustration. The Sharran did have a point. Astarion may have an insatiable appetite, happy to receive all matters of attention from whatever suitors decide to shower him with it, but what about her? What if Evelyn found him less interesting, less worthy of her time and, subsequently, her protection? 

No. His ego balks at the suggestion. 

Besides, he had felt her lust for him not 24 hours ago. It moved through him as though it was his own, and the taste of her still lingers on his tongue. He heard the hitch in her breath - felt it under his own lips, and reliving the memory still stirs a familiar hunger within him. 

Though, they still haven’t spoken about it. 

The usually quiet, insecure part of him wonders if she’d just rather forget it altogether. He could empathize with that, at least. It’s easy enough for him to imagine their last encounter may have left her feeling disgusted, used.

Guilt worms its way back into his mind, cozying up right next to his tadpole but oh, so much worse . 

He hasn’t felt like this since the beginning of his servitude. He assumed the emotion had been neglected long enough to be left entirely behind him, overshadowed by the threat of whatever new, interesting ways Cazador would think of to torture him at the mere suggestion of disobedience. But here, in the thin veil of safety he’s allowed himself to believe shrouds him, he aches. 

It’s unbecoming.

Instead of resting as he should, Astarion isn’t quite sure how much time he spends ruminating on ways to quietly rid the party of Gale, before he hears the faintest rapping at the canvas of his tent. 

At first, he believes he imagined it, and gives the noise little consideration before settling back into his trance. But then, he hears it again: quick, rapid tapping. A knock. 

It surprises him. He hurriedly moves to stand. In the faint glow of the candlelight, the shadow at his doorstep dances against the closed fabric, smaller than himself and horned. A visit from Evelyn at this hour? Strange.

He undoes the ties and opens his space to her. 

Her hair is undone, dark waves falling over her shoulders and obscuring the marks he gave her. She’s wearing the same clothes she wore to bed last night, the very same black breast band. It smells as if it's been washed, though, with no lingering scent of her blood. Her loose, matching trousers settle high on her waist, just above her navel. She looks exhausted. 

Being run ragged by the events of the day while also having to contend with a missing pint or two of blood may have had more of a negative effect than anticipated. 

Evelyn doesn’t say anything at first, but he catches her eyes glancing at his bare chest before retreating back to his own, cementing themselves there. He raises an eyebrow at her, smirking, and thinks about teasing her. The temptation threatens to get the better of him, but he refrains, not wanting this unexpected visit cut too short. “Need something?”

“I was hoping we could talk.”

Her stare is unwavering, a commitment worthy of admiration.

“Right this way.” Astarion bows slightly towards her, an arm raised behind him to gesture her inside. She steps past him, careful to not brush against his exposed skin. He closes the entrance behind them, shutting out the ambient noise and drowning them in silence. His space is large enough to accommodate himself and his essentials quite comfortably, but it's infinitely smaller with her here.

“I hope I didn’t disturb you.” there is a hoarseness to her voice. She must have woken up just before making her way over.

“No, actually. I was just catching up on some reading.” Not entirely a lie. He had been reading at several points tonight. “What is it you want to discuss? I’m assuming there’s a reason this couldn’t wait until morning, not that I mind.”

“It's about you.”

Oh. No midnight gossip, then.

"I’ve been thinking about how we’re going to continue feeding you.”

“You’ve been up all night tossing and turning because you're concerned about my eating habits?” he responds, unamused, and crosses his arms.

“I have not been tossing and -” she’s about to argue with him, he thinks, but her exasperation causes her to lose her concentration. She breaks eye contact, distracted by the toned curves of his biceps, then snaps her gaze to the floor. “Would you please put on a shirt?”

“Ha!” His laugh is humorless. “I’d like to think we’re well past the point of propriety. Besides, you're in my tent.”

Evelyn pinches the bridge of her nose. “I knew this was a mistake.”

“Come now, darling. Why are you really here?”

She sighs in frustration, as if he should already know.

“I wanted to talk about last night.”

“Ugh, I’ve already apologized. What more do you want?”

A moment passes in uncomfortable silence. He can practically hear the gears grinding in her head as she searches for the right words, and he'd give anything to reach out with his tadpole and take the unfiltered thoughts from her mind. Instead, he takes pity on her.

“Unless, you’re looking for another nibble?” 

It's a joke, a way to clear the tension from the air. Entirely unserious.

She doesn't laugh.

Instead, she looks around the room: first at his assortment of decorative pillows, then to the empty elixir bottles piled in a corner, anywhere but himself. "Well, I - I don’t know.”  She clears her throat. “I just figured after today’s performance, it may be for the best.”

Wait. What?

He stiffens, so taken aback by her suggestion that the elf almost believes he’s still mid-trance. 

“What?” 

“I may be willing to help you again, when necessary.”

She has to be joking.

“You’re joking.”

“No. I’m serious, if it would help.”

“It would.”

“Then, yes.”

They stand almost toe to toe, Astarion once again absorbing her warmth. He hadn’t noticed their height difference the first time they did this, too busy devouring the poor woman like some deranged beast, but it's notable here, on equal footing. Peering up at him, her nose aligns with his collarbones.

"Tonight, then?" she asks.

"Eager, are we?"

She shrugs with indifference, "Just in case we run into any trouble at the goblin camp tomorrow."

The very picture of practicality. What else did he expect?

"Alright, then."

"Alright."

That nagging sensation begins to tug at him again - the very same one he felt as he had stepped out of her tent last night. A weak but unshakeable tension, like a magnet, uncomfortable as it is alluring. The force of it draws his body closer to hers where she stands, hands clenched into fists at her sides.

Underneath her calm exterior, Evelyn’s heart is pounding. Though her breaths are steady, controlled, he can hear it from where he stands. For a moment, those are the only sounds filling the space between them, until the tiefling speaks up.

“You’re tall, for an elf.”

An oddly-timed observation, but a true one. His brother, Petras, was always outwardly envious of him for it. Though, he's not sure why it sounds so flattering coming from her lips.

“How kind of you to notice.” 

She scans the room, searching for something, until she spots the table. Her fingers run along the dark ringlets in the wood, tracing the hardened puddles of forgotten wax, until they reach his heaping pile of books. She taps her fingertips on his leather bound copy of Bumpo . 

“May I?” 

He nods, unsure of what’s been asked of him. 

Evelyn gathers the novels in her arms before piling them carefully onto the floor in a few leveled stacks, clearing the space. ”That should be enough room for one of us to sit,” she says, evenly. 

Then, there is a heavy silence; anticipation. It hangs in the air thick as smoke, twice as suffocating. She's only taken a few steps from him, but it’s as though she’s crossed an ocean. The distance between them begins to develop its own gravitational pull, making the hairs on his arms stand on end.

“Whatever’s most comfortable, dear."

The tiefling nods, then plants herself on the table’s surface, legs hanging over the edge. Evelyn is now eye-level with him, her irises glossy; catching and reflecting what little light dances off the few remaining candles beside her.

She tilts her head at him, expectantly. Her face remains neutral - practiced, as though she feels nothing at all; as if she isn’t trying to drive him mad.

She’s back to playing her little games.

Fine.

Astarion’s posture straightens as he strides towards her, confidently closing their distance. He places his hands at her sides, not quite touching her, but still close enough to feel the heat emanating from her body, even through her clothes.  

“Now, where would you like it?” The question sounds innocent enough, but the double meaning is not lost on her. 

Her grip tightens at the table’s edge, knuckles whitening. 

His head tilts downwards, looming over her like a predator, and the scent of vanilla invades his nostrils. The sweetness settles on his palate before spreading across his tongue, coating it with a rum-like burn. He runs the flavor over the sharp edges of his teeth.

"I could do it here," he whispers, dipping his nose and running the tip of it along her nape. He quietly revels in how she prickles beneath him, her body betraying her feigned indifference.

"Or, here." One of his thumbs trace the flat of her wrist in slow, circular motions, causing the pulse beneath it to flutter.

"Or…" His other hand slides atop her knee, fingers gripping and parting her thighs just slightly…

She snaps them shut.

"Just do it, dickhead."

He hums a laugh. 

“As you wish.” 

The cool brush of Astarion’s lips on her neck has Evelyn’s heart racing, a frantic drum beating against his ears. It’s just as intoxicating as he remembers, threatening to muddle the edges of his mind. “Just try to keep still for me.” he whispers.

The warning is sincere, but the stubborn woman misinterprets him. Thinking he’s toying with her, she opens her mouth, intent on insulting him, but stops short, whining pitifully when his fangs break the surface of her skin. Her body flinches at the initial discomfort, but otherwise remains virtually motionless; compliant.

Drinking from her now feels like an entirely new experience. This time, he anticipates the raging current - knows how to find his footing. Rather than being ripped under, it feels as though Astarion is floating, enveloped in warmth unlike any he’s ever known. At best, he would imagine it similar to a hug, had he ever been on the receiving end of one.

He begins to lap at the wound to keep it from closing, the press and drag of his tongue drawing out a few small, involuntary twitches from the girl. She’s being so good for him, staying put like she’d been told; fighting her own restlessness, the urge to squirm in place.

If only she would allow him to reward her, to offer his body in exchange for this endless parade of favors, he would take the chance in a heartbeat. It would be so, so easy with her, unlike any miserable encounter he’d been forced into partaking in the last few centuries. He knows he would enjoy her body, along with all the lovely little sounds she would make for him; the temporary bliss.

And it would be a fair price to pay for keeping him safe, fed, and warm . 

The mental image has Astarion’s hand moving without his knowledge, too engrossed to notice his own palm caressing the side of her face. His thumb traces the edge of her cheek as he holds her there, allowing the weight of her head to rest against his fingers. Dark strands of hair brush against his knuckles, bringing him back to the present.

He thinks Evelyn hasn’t noticed yet, believes himself safe to correct the mistake without any mutual discomfort.

Which leaves him infinitely more overwhelmed when her smaller hand grazes up the length of his arm, wrapping it around his wrist to keep it in place. Her body relaxes into his touch, seemingly more grounded. 

The intimacy is like a punch to the chest.

She’s suddenly too close for comfort. It’s claustrophobic - suffocating, strangling him along with whatever sense he had left, apparently. That damned vanilla, the dizzying scent of her blood -

Air, he thinks, I just need some fresh air.

Astarion pulls away from her, readying an apology and an excuse to swiftly dismiss the woman. 

But when Evelyn meets his gaze, the words die prematurely.  

She is a vision , freckles dappling her skin like star-covered porcelain, now flushed red from nose to cheeks. The whites of her eyes have gone glossy, dazed and dream-like, tempting him further into her space.

Her tongue darts out to wet her parted lips, the small gesture commanding his attention. He finds himself entirely fixated on them, as if it would take another life-altering, unnatural disaster to pull his focus away. 

Evelyn’s lashes flutter in recognition, then she quickly releases his wrist. The residual heat fades before he can appreciate it, leaving him cold once again. 

“Oh, sorry.” 

“My apologies."

Their speech overlaps, then silence fills the room again, and they are left to stare at each other. His hands suddenly feel much too idle at his sides, itching. He throws on a polite smile, a familiar mask, but the expression doesn't quite reach his eyes.

Astarion has never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth. His hunger is sated, and he should feel satisfied. He should feel like a new man. 

So why, then, does he only feel this intolerable weight in his chest?

Why does his stomach turn at the idea of her so carelessly offering herself up to any vampire spawn, let alone himself , despite the obvious danger? 

Why is he so deeply frustrated by her lack of self preservation?

Isn’t this exactly what he wanted; to have her crawling back for more?

He can't help but wonder if this sudden apprehension is part of her little plan: to confuse him, drive him to distraction, then bring him to his knees like every other unfortunate man she’s had in her sights before robbing them and tossing them aside.

Out-seducing a vampire would admittedly be an admirable feat, but why? What could her angle be, when Astarion has nothing to offer her? 

“Are you alright? You look… lost.” 

He blinks back to the present. 

“I - ” He coughs, " Ahem . Yes, dear. Of course.” 

Hot, crimson streaks drip down the sharp bone of his chin. He springs into action, away from her unfavorable concern, and grabs his nightshirt from off the floor behind him. He has just the one, beautifully embroidered and sewn back together countless times by his own hands, now being used in place of a common napkin. 

Evelyn gasps. The sound is like ice, piercing his chest when he realizes his mistake. The devil’s never seen him without a shirt on before now. Meaning, she had never bore witness to the elaborate poem carved into his back - ugly, raised scars painting his flesh and soiling his otherwise perfectly sculpted muscle. 

He regrets not humoring her request to redress earlier. 

The elf plays off the noise as if he hadn’t heard it, turning to hand her the clothes and hoping she knows better than to mention anything of it. She silently takes the garment from him and places it where he had bitten her. A blooming red stain soaks into the pale fabric. He’ll have to work on getting it out for the next several days, if it decides to come out at all.

Evelyn finally moves to stand, teetering a bit from lightheadedness. Astarion reaches out to steady her, but she shakes her head, declining. 

“I’m okay.”

He retracts his hand. The damned thing’s gotten him into enough trouble tonight already. 

“Well then, you should get some rest.” 

She scoffs, “Wow, not even a thank you?”

He lowers his voice, practically growling at her, “My dear, if you’d allow me to properly thank you, you wouldn’t be leaving this tent. Maybe not for the next week, if I’m feeling generous.”

A pretty little flush once again spreads across her face. He’s rather pleased with himself, thinking he’s finally stunned her. 

“And if you weren’t feeling generous?”

Rising to meet him, then. She is playing a very dangerous game.

Astarion closes what little distance there is left between them and grabs her face by the jaw, grip firm . The force has her stumbling, the back of her thighs meeting the hard edge of the table. Wood digs into her skin as the legs grate loudly against his decorative rugs, shifting from the sudden push.

Evelyn’s eyes shut, brows furrowed and panting as she clutches his forearms to steady herself.

To his wicked delight, she does not pull away.

His thumb drags over her bottom lip. The effort she’s expending not to whine at his gentle touch has him reeling. Her skin burns beneath his palms. 

“Then, I’d strip you, tie your limbs to this desk,” he murmurs against her lips, before tilting to whisper his confession hot in her ear. 

“And you wouldn’t be leaving this tent. Ever . ”

He abruptly releases her, turning away and waving her off. 

“Now, go. We have a big day tomorrow.”

Not sparing the woman a glance, he begins gathering his books and setting them back onto the table beside her.

She says nothing in response, but he hears her tear open the entrance to his tent and step out into the night.

[trikis-turntables]

Out of morbid curiosity i went to look at the new story in Dislyte with Sachiko and holy shit. Which fucken hack wrote this? I'm not spoiler tagging this cause really, it's not worth the effort.

I kind of???????Man.

It felt like someone read the original story and wrote a petty rewrite that blatantly shows their biases for and against certain characters.

Like the biggest issue was defo the Gaius plot twist he got actually done dirty?? Idk i feel like its a problem with the isekai/transmigration genre as a whole but you don't innovate by subverting subversions. You just end up going back to stereotypes. OG!Gaius was a subversion of the whole "Stoic Highly Decorated Man in Position of Power that doesn't look like he belongs" and then he proves time and time again that he's approachable and loves and cares for people so deeply that he'd maintain an image of himself (his display of medals--that garners negative comments about his character being prideful, mind you) just on the rare occasion that it could provide some comfort to the people he's helping. He lives eVERYDAY, trying to live up to Hannah's memory. This is a man that misses burnt peach pie because his wife made it for him. In the new storyline..he's just a transcendent obsessed, power hungry bastard. None of the character nuance.

And then Abigail and Alexa. I hate that they're not allowed to just be morally grey characters. New update makes them "acceptably" morally grey which IMO just flattens their characters. "Yes, a female character can be morally grey if they are your allies." Like fuck right off lmao. What's that??? The central intrigue of Abigail's personality is her ruthlessness contrasted with her softness for the few (few) people she actually cares about. It's literally her song. Roses in the snow.

And ugh. I hate the new "human"-ist moral of the Unknown Story. The fun part of the original Dislyte story was that people *dont know* what to think about Esper powers. Like Miracles are Dangerous, that's been established. Miramons are unknown beings that tend to cause mayhem and destruction. But on the espers' side? We run the gamut of characters seeing their powers as a source of good-- that because they gained powers they can better help and protect others (Tang Xuan, Li Ling, Ahmed, Bardon etc); to characters that hate their transformation because it turned them into monsters or changed their appearance in such a way to cause them great discomfort and body dysphoria (Nu Xi, Brewster, Heng Yue) and so many more that are ambivalent or have other things to worry about. And the central interest of their humanity *was* that contrast of perspectives. Shadow Decree was interesting as a unit because their mission statement was "Esper Acceptance" and that can mean both "we should understand how espers works so we should research it" to "live and let live" to "Esper Supremacy". Like remember when the story used to show the dichotomy of the glitz and glam of the Esper Union against the backdrop that many common folk and non powerful espers discriminated against Espers? That's the subversion. To flatten the message to "we must save the humans!!" and "esperification unilaterally corrupts and makes people go power hungry" is a 12 year old's idea of writing and nuance because it /ignores/ that people can have different perspectives over the same thing.

And haaaah. Like if anything that dislyte is good at, its in making characters that at least a few people will care about even if theyre mentioned shortly. That's just how strong the personalities are in this game. But it's kind of telling that I've seen no fanart or writing of Sachiko at all. Berenice, for how much I did not vibe with her or care about her in the story is beloved by even more people than I can count. (Also just petty sidenote: when a 'soft' female character gets 'corrupted' by power, and also the trope of female character having to be "saved" by ...getting mcfucken murdered by the masc main character)

But I think it's just sad that they cared so little for the new story that they couldn't even come up with a name for the Miracle. Unknown Miracle? You didn't even want to know your own story, man.

[eruscreaminginthedistance]

Ugh it's taken me like a week to post this because reformatting PF posts on my phone is a bitch so I'm gonna throw this out here so that i don't put it off any longer; my Dune Part 2 review.

Basically, I feel like I'm living through a Category 5 LOTR event in real time. I was worried going into the second film that I was overhyped and that I should temper my expectations; speculative fiction adaptations 9 times out of 10 are usually dead on arrival and Dune Part 1 already defied the odds for being as good as it was for an almost 1-to-1 recreation.

I feel like after this I could confidently trust Denis Villeneuve with my life. The man's not really making a product. He clearly LOVES sci fi. Respect for the source material oozes out of every scene of Dune, and his little tweaks and changes are done with care and with a sense of critically engaging with the story that shows real thought.

Praying to the gods that once Denis finishes the trilogy he brings out a boxset DVDs with at least three behind the scenes DVDs MINIMUM. I need to see every single aspect of production on this leviathan of a project and then ritualistically watch all three movies back to back as I would with LOTR.

Spoilers under the cut

In terms of what I liked:

I've only read the first two books in full - Children and God Emperor are next on my list to finish this year - so I can't speak as an uber knowledgeable Dune nerd who knows the books back to front, but I'm very confident when I say that Denis's changes to the source material didn't take away from the experience of the story at all.

- Chani's probably the biggest change of all in the sequel and oh my god does it revitalise her character. I was quite shocked scrolling through tags to see book readers complain about how much the movie changed her and her arc. What are they mad about? That they gave Chani something to do other than sucking Paul's dick? In the book, literally everyone is 100% behind Paul uncritically accepting every single thing he does and Chani is just one of a swarm of characters that do that. I say this with much love because I like her book counterpart but I struggle to understand the people who claim to be so invested in book Paul and Chani's dynamic as opposed to the film's when book Chani's whole character is "Wife", until Dune Messiah when she gets the "Nagging Wife" upgrade. Denis's version effectively makes her co-protagonist with Paul and it was so exciting to see that play out on screen. She became the moral litmus test and the last vestige of uncorrupted ideals in the movie; Paul's descent into fascism and betrayal of the Fremen would not have hit nearly as hard if everyone went along with it like in the book.. I really felt for Chani having to watch everyone she knows get swept up in this insane fervour. She's too dedicated to the concept of freedom to fall for the bullshit and that was such a relief ti witness. Film Chani is her own character, not just another limb of Paul's, so her story is going in a slightly different direction and I'm really excited to see that. Would not have been nearly as hyped if her whole arc was just going to be "be pregnant. die" again.

- Jessica being an absolute FREAK. She was probably my favourite character from the book and I was so pissed she wasn't in Dune Messiah. I needed to get inside her head and wiggle around in there while I was reading, and Denis fed me. In the book, I got the impression she was quite a passive participant in the prophecy, so getting to see her go full wicked witch in the film was a massive highlight. Speaking to Alia in the womb, her sinister use of The Voice (such a horrific departure from her only using it for self defence in Part 1), her FASHION. Denis needs to adapt her into Dune Messiah I refuse to watch a version of Messiah without Jessica in it.

- Stilgar came out of nowhere with the steel chair for me. The first book is filled back to back with noble fatherly leader figures so he got very lost in the shuffle and I didn't really pay attention to him that much beyond being one of Paul's many mentors. I read a tiny bit of Children before watching Part 2 and Stilgar seriously considering murdering Paul's children made me do a double take. Then seeing him in this movie blew me away. Guys I think I've slept on Stilgar all this time xD. Not gonna lie though, the film beefs up his character quite a lot from the books. I think it was a good decision to make him comedic relief, because it offsets that "religious fundamentalist" element that could put people off. It makes him much softer and more likeable. He's just a guy with big hopes and big dreams and a big heart who's a bit silly sometimes, and that makes him the ultimate prey for Paul and Jessica. It's absolutely sickening to see them exploit his sincere faith and beliefs and I'm getting upset now just thinking about all the horrific things he'll be lead to do. Denis did a fantastic job of making him a more sympathetic and softer character for people to compare with his post-timeskip Space Hitler's Right Hand Man role.

- Introducing Princess Irulan early hell yeah!! Huge improvement on the book imo; she was very much a dark horse character for this film and Florence Pugh nailed it. I loved her being the narrator much like in the book, and it was interesting to see her contribute to putting the pieces in place for the endgame, rather than just turn up at the end. More of her please, Denis!

- One of my complaints about the first film was that there wasn't enough Harkonnen action, specifically the Harkonnen-Atreides rivalry, which was talked about a bit but not really shown. Denis made all those Harkonnen scenes specifically for me. I adored the balls to the wall aesthetics and the incredibly villainous acting. This film isn't afraid of moustache twirls and villainous laughter and I LOVE that. It felt fresh. Villains who just love doing bad shit and aren't even trying to justify themselves they just LOVE being horrible creatures in their black stone murder palaces.

- What can I say about the look of the film. You've all seen it. If you haven't then go fix that. It's one of the most visually cohesive and stunning films I've seen in a long time. I don't know how a world can feel so real and yet unreal (/pos) at the same time.

- Hans Zimmer showed the fuck UP for this score. I've been listening to it nonstop all weekend. I kinda miss the Atreides bagpipes but the new horns drive me insane so it's a good tradeoff.

Things I'm on the fence about:

- I think it was a good call to remove the whole thing with Paul uh, inheriting Harah from Jamis. It gave more screentime to Chani and I think would have really put viewers off Paul when really you wanna keep people going in blind rooting for him until the third act. BUT I was surprised she wasn't in the film at all? I was convinced that the lady we see Chani talking with was supposed to be an adapted Harah, but I'm seeing everywhere online that that's not supposed to be her and Harah wasn't in the film? Why not? It just felt a bit weird that she's just some nameless Fremen.

- I'm not gonna lie I forgot Thufir existed on my first watch. I think me not missing him overall is a good sign. I didn't rewatch part 1 so I guess I assumed they'd killed him off in the Arrakeen attack, and didn't realise his part had been cut until I saw an article about it later. That was kind of disappointing. While I think the film is perfectly fine without him, I think the inclusion of his plot as kind-of prisoner kind-of strategist for the Harkonnens would have really solidified the Harkonnen-Atreides rivalry. Again because we almost never see an Atreides and Harkonnen onscreen together, so having him there to exemplify it in practice I think could have just polished things up for me personally. But also I want all films to be 5 hours long so what do I know.

- Jessica and Chani didn't interact nearly as much as I wanted them to tbh. I'm hoping that Dune Messiah beefs up their relationship.

- Timothee Chalamet

Things I didn't like:

- Not Paul btw, just Timothee

- Been saying this since the first movie but him and Zendaya were really only cast cos they're hot ticket items right now, not because they have the look and feel of the characters or the world; they just wanted to cast some hot supermodels in the roles

- Zendaya justifies her casting though by being the better actor though; I was sceptical but I came to buy her as Chani and she did a good job resonating with me

- Timothee's just a guy though, wasn't impressed

- Which is a huge problem because the emotional throughline of the movie is their romance and I just. Did not buy it. Timothee could not have paid me to believe that he was in love with Chani. They were like the definition of everybody's beautiful but nobody's horny. Just saying words with their blank hot faces. At least Zendaya put some effort in.

Anyway 10/10. This is going in my top 5 movies of all time and is one of the best book to screen adaptations I have ever seen.

[gaming-thoughts-by-an-idiot]

Okay so this is prob a baldur's gate 3 spoiler so if you haven't # out that tag, then uh? Yes.

This is also obviously a rant.

So I'm on my 4th playthrough, and my take on the guardian/ emperor changed. Very. Fast. And not in a very nice way.

So the first time I was in love with my guardian, I was in a romance with Astarion, but holy shit I would give the world to my guardian, so yes u can imagine my fucking heartbreak of the moment I saw him, like I had to stop gaming cuz I felt so betrayed.

And then I obviously were just hurt and whatever but nice about it to him.

Then I decided I would actually romance him as my second character, mage dude, and well....

Things happened, and I got the same story he had like "Nobody knew who I was, I had so many friends" bleh bleh, and I remember feeling pretty like 🤨 when bone daddy- I mean Withers, said that mindflayers don't have souls like? Excuse you what about the emperor??

And I ofc slept with him, which u can do, and I obviously don't kink shame if you're into it, but i was not

I was hiding my face, peeking through my fingers, and then just regret everything ever.

And like? Romance was fine, and I didnt turn into a mindflayer at the end, cuz I was also dating Karlach and well... can't be a mindflayer then.

And the whole thing that HE was the founder of Baldur's gate? That HE IS him??? Honestly?

At that point I felt even more upset, and disgusted. Not only cuz of what he did, but just... him. And ugh. (I didn't do that quest the first time, cuz I didn't know)

Then come me as durge...

First of all... I've never loved a character more, maybe Gage from fallout 4, than my durge, a queen like wow💅🏻

And with her I was just done with the emperor, like... I expected him to be the same, ya know?

But no.

No.

He was NOT!!!! the same.

And this game have sent me on so many rollercoasters I wanna lie down and never get up

I feel so betrayed? So... stupid I feel so fucking stupid, cuz Withers SAYS mindflayers don't have souls?? And I????? Believe this tentacle monster????? Like wtf

And then only to learn that his "friends" were actually NOT???? But basically possessed to "hang out" with him?

And yeah he claims that he ate "only criminals" but how do we know??? If he lied about that? He probably ate other people too, he probably didn't even spiderman/batman himself around like he said/showed us he did.

As I played more and more durge I just felt disgusted and a fool, like?? I do talk, rant, to friends and yes even family, when I'm either yay obsessed about the game/character or to upset rant, and everybody knows about the beginning and end and on actually how much this hurt and I know its so stupid

But o m g I am so??? UGH

I hate him, like I fr fr fr hate him.

I'm playing as a Githyanki now, and I'll find out how that works out, but bruh.

Istg if I find out more shocking things, I will just nap for 3 days...

And I'm trying to stay as much gith as I can, but also how mellow my dude is, but yeah...

I fucking hope I don't have more to add to this, cuz that's gonna be in all capital letters istg

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

P5R Random Thoughts #2

(I am currently doing a blind playthrough of this game. Please no spoilers in the tags or notes if you can help it!)

So far I've seen two Persona awakenings: Joker's and Ryuji's. (Morgana already had a Persona so I'm curious about how he awakened but I presume the story will get to that later.)

The neat thing about the awakenings is that they are undeniable triumphs but also not a cure for their problems.

You might think, well duh, they've still got all the cruel things and people in the outside world to contend with - but I'm actually not talking about the external. I'm saying the awakenings are a breakthrough for their inner problems but that they don't "fix" their internal struggles completely.

It's really notable in Ryuji's awakening. Ryuji hears "you're a punk", "nobody's going to look beyond that", "you only cause problems for others", etc., and says. Yeah actually. I'm a punk. Let's roll, baby. And then awakens to a goddamn pirate which is great.

It's triumphant, because Ryuji doesn't say "that's not who I am", Ryuji says "actually, asshole, that's exactly who I am, and you have no right to look down on me for it". Tells him off for looking down on him while smiling then shoots him a cocky, arrogant grin right back. Good for him! *wipes tears* Good for him.

However... as much as this is a triumph, it also suggests some concerning things about the way Ryuji views himself. He spends the entirety of the build up before this point lamenting the fact that he can't do anything useful, even though he brought things with him that he thought would help. In fact, he near constantly brings it up and looks incredibly guilty about it - and what's more, when it comes to the track team and what happened, even though it was Kamoshida who aggravated him and broke his leg, Ryuji doesn't deny the accusation that the track team's disbanding was his fault. Ryuji accepts the notion that he causes problems for other people, when in actuality, he does his best to be as helpful as possible and hates people who take advantage of others. He's trying to offset all these internalized beliefs that he is somehow a "bad influence" and "nothing but trouble" - so, he's caught between the ideas of "I'm a bad influence. So what?" and "I'm a bad influence. I need to make up for that by pulling my weight as much as I possibly can." It seems Ryuji genuinely thinks he's not that great of a person which... come on. I hope we get a bit of resolution to this later on... because he's not a bad influence at all. At least, not on Joker. It's the other way around actually.

As for Joker, I've talked a bit before about how he has the spirit and the compassion and the raw anger to fight against injustice, but is currently rather directionless. The story will likely show him becoming more certain about his beliefs and convictions, and more importantly, what to do with them.

As for my other random thoughts so far:

Morgana is so self-interested and kind of hilariously morally grey. "They seem useful for my goals." "We don't have time to be worrying about other people!" (after they stopped to rescue him...) "Yeah you suck Blondie. Anyways, Frizzy Hair-" *points at shadow* "KILL." Is it bad that I find him genuinely amusing at this point?

Red-haired ponytail girl showed up and she's really, really nice to people. Like... to the point where I'm a bit suspicious? Ugh maybe this is just me being naturally mistrustful but she's really kind of overly nice, and it makes me feel like she's compensating? That plus the promise/deal she talked about at the beginning... I don't know. Consider me curious anyways. All those comments about how thin she is though... I hope she eats properly? Like this situation could easily be a suspicious one or it could be driven by insecurity and self-hatred. Or she could just be nice and I'm overthinking it.

Love the transitions and the way you can see other characters in the background sometimes before their proper introductions. The little details and the overall feel of the game is really nice. Like, I'm pretty sure the girl in the pink sweater is Haru, right? And you get a little bit about how she's maintaining a garden on the roof? (She seems precious, honestly.) Also Joker and Ryuji walked right past Sae and Sushi Boy, which is really funny to me. And in the main menu! If you switch too fast between options, Joker crashes into the screen dfhvndifjvn

Speaking of the menu, in the background, you can see Joker holding his hand up and out, which shields his face from player view, and the words "Don't look at me" in the background... hm... more characterization for the boy, I suppose