#YES CHUUYA IS HOT BUT SO IS EVERYONE ELSE

[th3archivisst]

a little pet peeve of mine about the bsd fandom is how every second post is skk

like

yeah

they’re gay

but after a while it gets old?? no hate to skk, it’s a good ship, i just think we should also be talking about dazai having chemistry with LITERALLY ALL THE MEN ON THE SHOW yk

there are so many other characters you can say are his soulmates?? let me list them.

fyodor. he is the only other character in the show who understands dazai completely, they quite literally finish each other’s sentences half the time.

sigma. they would be the softest couple ever. he would teach dazai to give more of a shit about himself and dazai would actually be able to give sigma a home in the ada

kunikida. sure, dazai pisses him off, but it’s a very playful type of thing. kunikida would teach dazai to be less analytic, to listen to his emotions more, and dazai would (not in the best way but still) teach kunikida to work through his anger issues

if i wasn’t currently in public transportation i would be able to list more but point is

chuuya and dazai are the most popular ship mainly because they have a backstory together. if you discard that, or headcanon a past for him with, EVERYONE could be his soulmate

okay fine this post is about how much i need more dazai harem in my life

[coolyiooo]

BSD Men Begging/ Desperate To F*ck You

Pairings: Dazai, Ranpo, Fyodor, Atsushi, and Chuuya

❗Warnings❗: biting, SMUT, MDNI, moaning, ,degrading, praise, public, quickie, groaning, whimpering, choking, over stimulation, begging, crying, masturbating, breeding kink, blowjob, etc

🖤DAZAI🖤

It was lunch time at the ADA. You and Dazai had the whole office to yourselves and right when everyone left, Dazai almost instantly threw himself on you.

The whole day all he could think about was you and nothing else. He's never felt this desperate and he doesn't know why, but all he knows is that he has to be inside you.

Without even greeting you with a hi, hello, how are you. He picked you up, laid you on your desk, kissing your neck and grinding his hips against you.

Startled, you asked " 'Samu what are you doing? We're still at work! Can't you wait till we get home?"

He bit your neck, making you yelp " I can't wait. I need you right here and now, Bella. All I've been thinking about is making you mine. Please I'll be quick, I promise" he begged while unbuttoning your shirt

You weren't sure if you should do it in the office where anybody could walk in at anytime, but you've never heard him beg like this nor be so desperate, it was making you flustered.

"F-fine, but you better be quick" He immediately unbutton his pants and slid your pants off, getting straight to the point.

He slid his fingers inside you fast, getting you ready to be stretched out by him. You moaned in surprise, and held him tightly from his fast fingers.

In a few minutes when he knew you were ready, he plunged his cock inside you, Both of you moaning.

He was shuddering from the warm feeling. He's been waiting for what seems like forever. Right away he thrusted into you at a fast pace, rocking the desk against the other desk loudly.

He was whimpering and moaning more than usual. He held onto your hips more tightly than ever, like you were gonna leave any second. He could feel himself already reaching his release, he really was so desperate for you.

"Mph- Mmn~ so good ah~! So fucking good~! Your so tight ah~ 'm gonna cum already~!"His eyes were shut tight and his eyebrows furrowed.

He would look like he was in pain if he wasn't moaning and whimpering so much. A bit of Drool was coming from the side of his mouth

When he opened his eyes, they looked like he's in heaven, like he's seeing stars. He looks down to where your both connected.

He can see his cock being drenched in your fluids and how your cunt consumes his shaft so hungrily. You could feel him throbbing inside you aggressively.

His head falls all the way back with his eyes closed "Yes~ I'm gonna cum! fuck, I've been waiting for this~ please, can I cum inside? Mmn~! I have to please, Bella~"

How could you say no when he's begging to you in whimpers? "Yes mmn~! cum inside me~" you moaned, clenching your hands on his shoulders.

He goes in and out of you at a desperate, sloppy pace. He really feels how your warm, wet pussy strokes his cock so perfectly.

He finds himself at his limit and shoots his hot cum deep inside your quivering cunt. Moaning so loudly as if he was screaming, forgetting that you were at a public place. Seeing him so desperate and pathetic made you cum with him.

Both of you twitching aggressively and being in pure bliss.You started calming down from your high's and catching y'all's breath. Your body still slightly twitching, when suddenly, Dazai rams his cock in and out of you at a fast pase.

Making you moan and dig your nails into his shoulder " 'S-Samu! Aah~!" You moaned

He whimpers out loud " 'm need more~ I can't stop moving- MNN~! I need to cum more~ your so irresistible ah~! Take responsibility Bella~"

💚RANPO💚

You had just came back from work to your shared apartment with Ranpo, putting your stuff on the table and taking off your shoes.

You wanted to go greet your boyfriend, so you walked to the bedroom, but then you started to hear lewd noises. You heard moaning and whimpering coming from the bedroom and all you could think about was 'is he... cheating on me?'.

With the thought in your head you barged in the room, about to cuss and scream at him, but all you saw was Ranpo and his hand on his cock. Ranpo looked at you with wide eyes, in shock and also embarrassment, his cheeks blushing red.

You both stared at each other in silence, then you heard Ranpo whimper as he began to stroke himself in front of you. He laid his head on the pillow as he let out loud, exaggerated moans as he stroke himself roughly.

"Ah~! Well don't just stand there and stare at me, sugar~ mmn~ I needed you all day and couldn't wait- Mmn~! Please help me~"

The sight and noises he brought to you was making you so wet, now he's got you needy too. You took off your clothes and got on top of him, taking his hand off his cock, and kissing him with full of lust, earning a satisfied sigh from Ranpo.

While you and Ranpo were kissing each other aggressively, he forced your hips to grind on his twitching cock, making him whimper. You could feel his cock rub against your clit, getting you wet and ready for him.

"Please~ I have to be inside you Mmn~ I can't take it anymore, sugar~"

Your body moved on its own and sank your hips onto his cock, both of you moaning from the intense pleasure. You began to jump on his cock at a fast pase, his hands gripping on to your thighs as he whimpered loudly.

"So good~! Just like that, sugar~ don't stop- AH~! MNN~ I want to cum so bad ah~ please don't stop~"

You could feel his cock throbbing aggressively inside you, only making you feel better and tightening around him.

"Yeah, sugar mmn~ oh yes~ yes, yes, yes! faster, sugar~"

He starts to thrust his hips upwards, to get more friction and to meet his climax, but for you he only reached deeper inside of you. Both of you moaned louder from the euphoric feeling and soon found yourselves at you limits.

Ranpo whimpered loudly as he shoots his cum In you, his eyes tight shut and back arching, his legs and hands trembling from his orgasm. You came with him, seeing stars and your cunt twitching on him.

As you were catching your breath he lazily thrusted his hips upwards again. You gasped in surprise when you could feel him getting hard again.

"More~ please more, sugar~ your so addicting~ please make me cum more~ don't stop~!"

💜FYODOR💜

You were talking to Nikolai, when suddenly, Fyodor opens the door abruptly. The loud noise startled you and Nikolai, but when you saw Fyodor coming towards you at a fast pase, it got you nervous.

Before you can say anything, he grabbed you by the hand and dragged you to where ever he was going, making you almost trip. "F-Fedya, is everything ok?"

You look back at Nikolai who was smirking and raising his shoulders like he's saying 'i don't know'

Fyodor takes you to your bedroom and immediately starts to aggressively make out with you, slamming your back against the wall.

You were definitely taken aback, but you weren't complaining and gave into the kiss. Fyodor held your body passionately yet tightly, groaning into the kiss. You pulled away from the kiss, worried since this isn't usually how he'd act

"Fedya, is something wrong?"

He was breathing a bit heavily. He held your chin with two of his fingers, forcing you to look into his eyes "Is it so wrong of me to want my love?"

He brought his lips to your neck "To touch.. to kiss.. to feel... To make love to? " He said kissing against your skin

He pulled himself away from your neck and tilted his head, looking at your eyes "get on your knees, moya lyubov" he said in a demanding yet quiet voice

You gulped and followed his orders, his dominance already making you wet. He pulled down his pants to reveal his desperate cock. He held the side of your head, looking down on you "suck, my dear"

You kissed and licked his cock, making him whimper quietly. You've never heard him whimper before, and it turned you on.

You welcomed his cock into your warm,sticky mouth. Going at a steady pase, but Fyodor held the back on your head and forced your head to deep throat him, startling and choking you. You instinctively put your hands on his thighs to hold yourself.

He tried to hide his moans and whimpers, but failed and let them out, making you so wet and aroused. You moaned on his cock, still choking on him, as tears ran down your cheeks. Seeing you become a mess in a short amount of time turned him on so much.

"MNN~! F-fuck~ your such a slut for my cock, my love~ your doing so well Aghh~! It hasn't even been five minutes- mph~!"

He fucks your mouth like it was your cunt and quickly found his climax, cumming deep down your throat. He shut his eyes closed, trying so hard to silence his whimper, but it felt so fucking good that he let it out. My god was his whimper so incomparable to every song you've ever heard. You almost came on the spot.

You swallowed every bit of his sticky cum "that's it. Swallow it, Myshka~" When he was done, he pulled his cock out of you. Giving you a chance to finally breath, coughing from the lack of oxygen.

He lifted your body up and raised one of your legs around his waist. Before you could process what was happening, he thrusted his cock in and out of you quickly. Both of you moaning from the sweet sensation.

You came immediately on his dick, already being so aroused when sucking him off.

"My, my, desperate, moya lyubov-? Mnn~! I want to fill you up so much as if I'm going to impregnate you~ hah~! I know you love your insides being claimed by me, Myshka~ don't act like you don't like it"

💙ATSUSHI💙

The second you got home to your shared apartment with Atsushi. He kissed your lips full of lust and passion. You were surprised, but of course you gave in.

You Wrapped your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, earning a moan from Atsushi. He pulls away from your lips and kisses your collarbone instead

"I need you so bad y/n~ P-please help me cum. I dont think I can hold on much longer~" he said in between kisses. The tone in his voice showed some embarrassment.

You responded to his request with a desperate kiss on the lips. Both of you moving towards the main room. Your body soon found itself laying on the couch and in between your legs was Atsushi.

His hands were gripping on your waist. He pulls away from your lips and pulls your pants down in a swift movement. As he sits up. He brings your hips to his face, putting your legs around his neck and right away starts eating you out.

You moaned out loud while, as fast as he can, makes you wet. You gripped on the couch cushions from the amazing feeling, his moans sending vibrations to your cunt and his tongue tasting every bit of your delicious pussy.

When Atsushi thought you're ready, he lowers your hips on his lap and straight away thrusts his throbbing cock inside you, moaning in satisfaction. You came right from the contact, since you were aroused from him eating you out, and Whimpered loudly.

He let you adjust to his size for a few seconds and roughly fucked your cunt. He went in and out of you at an inhuman speed, making the couch move and both of you moaning.

"F-fuck~! Mmn~! So g-g-good~! Can't t-think! Mmn~ Ah~! More~ faster~! Please y/n I'm so close hah~" he whimpered as his hands on your hips helped him go even faster.

You arch your back, almost going into overstimulation, while he presses one of his hands on your stomach. He could feel his dick sliding in and out of you and it turned him on so much. Knowing how he made you feel so good that you couldn't even form sentences also made him go over the edge.

"G-god your so fucking perfect~ Mmn~ g-gonna.. gonna cum~!" He moans before he squirts his cum into your womb with a deep thrust, making you cum with him.

Both of you whimper and grab a hold onto each other. He left his dick deep inside you while he was cumming. In a few seconds, he began to ram into your sensitive cunt again. His cock still shooting cum and only getting harder.

You moan In surprise "A-Atsushi~! W-wait- MMN~ TOO MUCH"

He whimpers loudly "Cant stop~ feels too good! Ah~ please~ I need you so bad mph- let me cum inside you more please MNN~ I want to rub inside you more~ f-fuck! you feel like heaven~"

🧡CHUUYA🧡

You were quietly reading your book on the couch, when unexpectedly, Chuuya threw your book away from you.

You were confused and about to yell at him for throwing your book, but before you could say anything, he slammed his lips onto yours and kissed you.

His hands on your cheek and waist, this sudden affection making you fold into the kiss. You pulled him by the collar to bring his body more towards yours.

"I want you so much, doll~ please let me fuck you into oblivion~" he said before moving his lips to your neck.

You chuckled as you held the back of his head "You don't even have to ask, Chuuya."

He instantly laid your back on the couch and got in-between your legs, ripping your clothes off. His hand slowly moved down to your cunt just to find out you were already wet

"Heh seems like I'm not the only one desperate" you look away a bit embarrassed as he chuckles

"I think your already ready for me, doll~" he aligns his cock to your entrance and slowly slides his cock inside of you.

You and him moan from the connection and pleasure. He couldn't wait to make your body adjust to his size and immediately fucks your cunt at a fast speed.

You moan loudly as your pussy tightens around his cock, making him whimper.

"I wont stop until your covered in my cum Hah~!.. Till I fill you up with every drop mmn~ Until you've taste it.. Until every inch of you is claimed by me~" he moans

After hearing those words. You wrapped you legs around him, making him go inside you deeper, and tighten more around his cock.

He chuckled while groaning "F-fuck~ You like hearing that you little slut? Agh~ Your just my cum dumpster aren't you? F-fucking s-shit! Your trying to drain all of my cum aren't ya? AH~! Heh not like I'm complaining.. not one bit!"

You turned him on so much that you could see a bulge poking out on your stomach, created by his hard dick. You loved how desperate he was to be inside you, how he wanted to claim you so badly.

With one final, deep thrust, he cums inside your gummy walls, allowing you to cum on his cock. His head fell back with his mouth agape, eyebrows furrowed, and a loud whimper to escape.

Before he could finish cumming, he pulled out and stroke his cock with his hand to cum on your stomach. Seeing your whole body quiver from your orgasm made him able to cum more.

Both of you were now catching your breaths. After what felt like a minute and finally being able to breath normally.

Chuuya touched the cum he left on your stomach and brought it to your mouth, sticking his fingers inside it. You could taste his bitter cum on your tongue as you sucked on his fingers.

He smirks "Such a good little slut~ Cleaning the mess you made me do." He chuckles in amusement

"God, your so sexy. You make me want to go another round"

[meerash]

BSD Man finding out you are having pre period cramps

Part 1 (I'll do Dazai, Chuuya, Atsushi tomorrow)

Fukuzawa

"You all are dismissed. You can go home now" the president says after a long meeting that went on hours, it was for the protection of the some minister that you could focus on because your periods were near and oh god, does it hurts? Sitting for so long had made your back hurt like a bitch but there's nothing you can do.

You gather your file and make a move towards the exit before The president's voice cuts in your ears, "—not you, please visit me in the office"

His voices comes out as no nonsense, Yosano looks at you in sympathy but doesn't do anything. You hold a groan in your throat before following him in the office, all while hearing the office clear itself out.

"Yes, sir?" You ask him once he closes the door and sits on his chair. You notice how his silver hair are back to their usual length, he must have gotten a haircut, you note to yourself.

"You couldn't focus on the meeting today, what is it?" He asked, now that you are alone his voice is a little softer than before.

"I..." You scratch the back of your neck, you don't know how to approach that subject, "... It's just I had cramps." You speak finally, hoping not to sound embarrassed which you really were if the red tint on your cheeks was any evident.

Upon hearing your reason, The president's eyebrows comes together and he asks in a concerning voice, "Are you on your periods? You know we have monthly leaves for females for that"

"No, no, no" you try to correct him at once, "it's more of pre periods cramps" you wave your hands around like when you are trying to explain something complicated but doesn't have the write words, "it means that my periods will arrive in a day or two, kind of like warming flags."

"Oh..." He speaks after a while, "Are you okay now, how bad is the pain?"

You bring your finger and thumb together, almost touching but few millimetres apart, and a soft chuckle erupts from his mouth. all the seriousness gone, replaced with your favourite sound in the world, his laughter.

"Come here" he orders you and you follow him, standing before his chair that he has twirled in your direction.

"I said—" he pats his thighs, "—come here" and it was clear now that you were blushing.

Subconsciously your eyes went to the door, checking if it was really closed, before you hissed in embarrassment at him, "fukuzawa"

The man pulled you on his lap in answer, twisting your body around so that your back was faced with his chest, his hands glides on your waist, holding you steady "what, my lover?" He asked you, rubbing his thumbs on your lower back, massaging your pain.

A relived sigh involuntary leaves your mouth, at the relaxation you found by his big hands. If there is anything this man knew, it was how to give the best massage. You lean back in his chest as he continues massaging your waist.

His hot breath, tickles your ear, sending shivers on your spine when he sweetly whispers, "does it help?" and you reply in almost a begging whimper, "yes, it does."

"You know what else helps with cramps?" He asked in the sweet, calm voice of his.

"What?"

"Physical Intimacy"

Your face snaps at him, eyes wide open as you realize what he has suggested. It wasn't like you guys didn't had sex but in your relationship, it's always you who initiates or little subtle hints.

"Should we go home?" He asked you again, ofcourse he will ask you. He is the man of consent, he even asked you, if he can pet your cat which you thought was incredibly sweet.

"I... uh... Please?" You said finally, sex with fukuzawa isn't you'll ever miss, no chance in hell.

He picks you up in bridal style at once, opening the door, all while you were in his arms. You faces resting in the crook of his collarbone. Everyone else had already left or you'll never try this stunt. Nobody knows about your relationship in the Agency... Except Ranpo, who treats you like his mother despite being the same age and it's not like you don't spoil him like your own baby.

Ranpo

You were currently handling the police reports and case files of Ranpo's recent case. Sure, Ranpo solves almost case in minutes but that's all his does, you have to handle all his paperworks, which was increasing day by day now for he solves too many cases.

You look at the bundle of reports on your bed and sigh to yourself, not only does the lightening suck here but you can also hear the singing of Dazai from the next room. The walls of the dorm rooms were relatively on the thinner side. After putting on your headphones, you begin to work. Not half an hour, a sharp pain shoots in your lower abdomen making you double over in pain. You look towards the calendar and realise your date is almost here, a low gutteral sounds escapes your mouth.

"Couldn't have choosen better timing" you mutter to yourself, there are atleast three files pending for tomorrow.

You get up and look for some painkillers and realise you are out of them.

good thing the doctor lives next door to me, you think to yourself, making your mind to going to Yosano and asking her for some pills.

Before you can take a step in that direction, the gate slides open to reveal the greatest detective of the world in his pajamas, holding a bag, most likely snacks, you think to yourself.

"What is it?" You asked him, it came out a bit softer than you intended as if you body doesn't want to hurt the boys feeling, fuck this body, you think again.

"I missed you" he pouts in your direction, for the lack of better reaction, "The greatest detective comes at your door and you treat him in this way?"

"I'm sorry, My Greatest Detective but I am a bit busy and a bit in pain, maybe next time?" You plead in his direction, you don't time for this today, there are too many things to be done.

He huffs out, "I already know that, if I didn't, would I be the greatest detective in the world?"

A quizzical expression obscure your face, you tilt your head towards him, what in the world does he mean?

He rolls his eyes at your expression, "do i have to hold your hand and walk you through everything? I know that you have too many files to do, and you are having your pre periods cramps, and that you are out of pain killers and you gave your hot water bottle to kyouka few days ago, so you don't even have that, and your mood is a little sour which is why i am not minding that you didn't kissed me the moment i walked in"

He speaks like he is listing off things from a script, you didn't know wheather to laugh or cry. If he knows that everything sucks them why is he here to torment me?

He walks towards you, a lollipop in his mouth, he always have sweets in his mouth that's why you make him visit to dentist twice more than usual people.

"I got you yours things" He helds up the bag you thought holds his snack, instead when he empties it on the bed, they are just pain killers, a hot water bottle, and a box of tampon. I look at him but again before i could mutter anything, "you'll run out of your tampons on third day, for future"

"...thanks" you finally speak, in the slightest chance of hope, it hasn't occurred to you that Ranpo will ever use his detective skills like that but then again if you had thought about it, the reason yosano always had everything when you were on periods even before you two started dating was him. It was sure he liked to boast about things but his first priority has always been you, since thr day he saw you in the supermarket listening to kid with such intensity as if he was talking about something phenomenal when in reality he was just talking about his favourite cartoon. It was the same intensity of attention you flourished on him when you worked under his command (he begged fukuzawa to hire you, he already knew you will be a great worker)

"Now go to bed, Your great boyfriend will take care of everything" he hushes you, forcing you on the bed.

"But i have re—" you protest, but he cuts you off, "I know, I'll take care of it." He raises his brows and you know there's no fighting him now, not with that resolution.

Soon he hands you the painkiller with hot water and worked beside you as you rested. He had placed all the files on his lap, supporting the material with a pillow, working his way with one hand and the another roams through your hair, lulling you in sweet sleep.

You were almost asleep when he was finished with those reports. He placed them on your bedside table, cuddling next to you. You look up at his face which was centimetres away from your lips, his sea green eyes were looking in your direction with a love that no one had ever seen.

A soft smiles follows on his lips after you place a kiss on his jawline, he tilts your face upward with his chin,"tell me, darling. Am I the greatest?"

You wanted to roll your eyes at him but the sleepiness was too heavy, so you settle for the quite mutter of "yes, yes you are the greatest detective in the world."

"i mean the greatest boyfriend, my silly, who cares about the detective stuff." He whispers holding you closer. Even in your sleepy state, the words run a shock through your body, a blush crept up on your cheeks, you spoke only two words as you buried your face in his chest, "the best."

[iridescentdove]

I need a BSD x Reader where it’s just the reader casually rizzing up everyone like no one is safe from the reader’s infinite rizz, not the ADA, not the PM, not the DOA, not the guild, and definitely not the Hunting Dogs, not even civilians; it’s literally everyone that is getting rizzed up, while the reader is aware and laughs and points at every clown they rizzed up.

THE ULTIMATE RIZZLORD.

various!BSD x reader

A/N: anon, I would like to point out how much I love you and this request right now. also, I put the reader in the port mafia for fun because why not.

Absolutely speechless.

This is how everyone felt – well, whether whoever it may be, there was just one thing all could collectively agree on. They may all be feared and powerful factions that anyone could basically kneel down to, however ...

Who THE FUCK is this audacious person?

MORI was the first to witness your ass flirt with every single person you saw. But no, did you even care? Not at all. He stares, bewildered and mildly in concern as you came up to every single person you saw – completely distracted from the mission at hand as you asked women to step on you, choke you ...

He wants you throw you back from where you came from.

Oh wait, nevermind. You were now flirting with HIM. MORI is in even more shock at your confidence. Damn, pretty bold of you. But he actually thought you kinda hot fr. Elise still #1 bae tho

And somehow, you were taken up to being an executive. Everyone is morbid and utterly terrified.

How the fuck is someone like you an EXECUTIVE?? HELLO??

CHUUYA turns as red as his hair could ever be. Look man, he just wanted to complain about Dazai and you here just ..

"That fucking idiot Dazai! I'll rip him apart!"

"Yes daddy- I mean, can you do that to me too?"

"... What?"

"Ooh~ those fingers are so slender and pretty .."

"Wh-"

"Mind if I ... caress them a little, babygorl?"

"(Y/N) WHAT-"

Aww, look at that, Chuuya is deader than Odasaku <3

But God forbid you be taken on important missions against another factiom because fuck man. All you're there for is 1% fighting, 99% rizzing.

Y'know when everything was in chaos in Yokohama bcz of the Guild trying to take over? Everyone's fighting their ass off, God knows where DAZAI is but no one cares, and you?? Uh yeah already guessed it.

Tryna rizz up the agency.

Like yes, they're in trouble, everyone is, we know but fuck war we want fictional men. And women.

"Are you lingo? Because we can make a good duo 😏" - you

"... Did you just make a duolingo pickup line" - kunikida

Man times when the port mafia and the agency are in a truce, you're there back and forth flirting nonstop. Everyone is red, turned on from your oh so amazing rizzler skills

DAZAI enjoys your company obviously. Both of you create so much chaos, but even sometimes you're so much worse than him. You're the only one who can actually surprise him. Like wtf bitch stop flirting with the damn secret police?? Uh??

You make suicidal jokes, whispering them so sexily in his ear he wanna take you to the bed right there mamasita lip bite

Oh, the Decay of Angels wanna achieve world domination? They can dominate sumn else if you know what I mean

No words can express how terrified u keep making everyone THAT'S FYODOR HE'LL KILL YOU WITH A TOUCH BITCH- oh wait nvm he's melting from all of your rizz and affection.

You are literally so sweet but so confusing. SIGMA sees you around the Sky Casino just chilling and flirting with everyone you see. He don't mind cause you hot anyway

The Guild kinda ... actually, no. They're not safe. FITZGERALD? More like Rizzgerald cause this bitch 'bout to get rizzed so hard he turns poor

Yeah .. I don't take it to heart.

You'll just be up in their ass even after the Yokohama incident. Literally all of them both love and hate you. "Should we throw her off a cliff or kiss her" "Idk the second option is kinda tempting tho" "Boss, what do we d-" "Both."

DAMN LOVECRAFT AND BRAM TOO?? BITCH STOP 😭

No one can escape from your rizz. Okay one time you got kidnapped by the fuckin Hunting Dogs but you just?? Started to rizz up and call JOUNO ur bbygorl?? He is seconds from slicing your head off but he gave up at this point.

Where you got that rose from 🤨

Why the fuck is romantic music playing 😐

You asked FUKUCHI himself to choke you and slam you against the wall. Not even an ounce of regret of fear.

Everyone officially is scared of you.

ANGO isn't free from this either, bitch. You'll strut into the room all happy to talk for a mission and all but ... uhh. "So you're from the Special Division? I can't blame you then ... I feel as if I have something special going on for you."

ANGO, internally: iamnotasimp- iamnotasimp- iamnotasimp-

Sadly, he is now a simp.

The fact his face turns so red is not unnoticed by you. You laugh, clowning everyone you literally rizzed up no joke. They're so in love with ur pretty/handsome/hot ass 😔

No one is free. If you find a pretty bird, ask it's hand for marriage. There is no other way but that.

Mk but the way you literally hit on AKUTAGAWA do be funny. Bitch is so oblivious, he just thinks you're another certain blonde hair slaying bitch 😳

By the time he actually knows you're rizzing him up by being more direct about your advances, he is questioning life.

But bcz you're SOO close to DAZAI maybeee we can ...

Work sumn out, you know? heh

One day the mafia just be chilling and BOOM heree comes the wh00000re~ hello wh000re~ welcome~ 😍

(i am so sorry if this offends someone it's a meme-)

Cue everyone sighing as you come in and start your daily routine which is rizzing. You'll be caressing KOUYOU's cheek, talking to CHUUYA with that sexy ass deep voice, whispering in MORI's ear, and everytime you breathe the vine boom sound effect comes off.

Can't say they don't like it though. We all know we have some horny deviants lovestruck little cuties <3 but let's just say it's hard being here with those hoes 😔✌️

Yet most especially,

You.

*bites lip* (i am sorry.)

[rainswept]

why do you like chuuya /gen, like I dont mean to sound rude in anyway but why😭🙏

this is going under a read more because i started yapping and couldn’t stop. i’m sorry

his personality. hes so funny and hes such a bitch i love him. but also he’s an incredibly dynamic character. he’s well written and tbh that’s enough for me to like him already. he’s had so much shit thrown at him and very well could have become a horrible person but he’s not. others care about him and he cares about others. he hasn’t let himself become as bitter as he could have been. he is still so full of humanity despite it despite everything SEE NEXT PARAGRAPH

i’m a sucker for characters that are entirely completely human and yet don’t think they are, or struggle with whether they are or not (especially thinking so because of all the reasons that they are— but i suppose chuuya doesn’t really fit that part so i won’t get into that now.) like yes chuuya has (or had, i guess) a reason to believe he isn’t, but does that really matter when faced with the fact that you have emotions and blood just like everyone else? does your make matter when you’re not so different after all? it’s existential. it makes u think. 

his crime list is about as short as he is and i find that wonderful

his lore/past/backstory whatever you want to call it. not even, he’s still going through it. man 😭. he’s had so much loss but not a single goodbye and i think that’s a really fucking good (and depressing) concept. he has never had the chance to mourn properly. he acts like he did.

hes cunty

his dynamic w dazai i find very compelling too. like yes they bicker and yes they fight and yes they “hate” each other (they don’t) but they also trust each other with their lives and have left them in each other’s hands too many times to count. it shows u the depth of both their bond but also the characters individually. they’re not entirely self sufficient.. they can obviously take care of themselves but they’re at their best when working togegher. i thinkt hats cool. FREINDSHIP IS MAGIC!!1! no but it shows u that even the strongest people arent at their best until theyre able to connect. not that dazai and chuuya have a model relationship at all… but there’s trust there. and that’s enough

hes hot

he makes me so viscerally and upsettingly sad

dog motifs. ok hear me OUT i’m SORRY but tbh the title was what got me interested in bsd in the first place. everyone is a stray in this show and i like that very much. i love characters that are LOYAL to a FAULT. i love characters with gnashing teeth and wagging tails. i love characters that hold so tight onto things their hands hurt and they end up causing them to flee. that “everything i’ve ever loved has claw marks on it”??? yeah give me that shit i will eat it up EVERY TIME. i love characters that are blinded by their senses of duty, not in the way that they’d do anything whoever they’re loyal to asks of them (though that is a nice dynamic too, i don’t think that’s as Chuuya ™️ as the other i’m talking about), but in the way that they’d lay down their life without a second thought (or caring about how those people see them). a dog that is beat may bite but but but it will still have its duty. even if it hates it. (<- see also AKUTAGAWA akutagawa is the reigning champion of dog motifery that is probably why i love him so much. but that is akutagawa. and i’m talkign about chuuya so im gonna dhut up now) ) i like characters with Three Betrayals COUGH COUGH COU💥💥💥💥ogh mymgod scafamocuhe 3 betrayals chuuya flags sheep dazai Im HOWLIFJG someone KILL ME NEOW ok thay doesnt make aense i just thought it was funny. anywa

fanbs fanbs* FANGS idc if they’re fake

thanks for comign ti my ted talk 🙏 i may add more later. but i didn’t want to. talk. too much. um. i think that’s out the window though

[hellcatinnc]

BSD Men On Spoiling You For Valentine's Day

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Warning This includes: SFW (Read Tags Before Continuing)

Tags: sfw, fluff, x Fem! Reader, baths, gifts, jewelry, love, rose petals, roses, flowers, valentine's, valentine's day, vday, plushies, wine, romance, romantic, dancing, candles, sweets, cookies, brownies, waffles, breakfast in bed

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What these men would do for you to show you that you are loved and cared for. They will show you what its like to be cherished on Valentine's Day.

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Dazai

He can't be asked to do alot but thats because he is still planning out when you two can confess your undying love for each other as you commit double suicide

Bottle of wine and multicolor roses just so he can be different than most people

A smartass shark plushie that he saw in the store and had to get for you says "I chews you"

Big heart with lots of chocolates in it that he will feed to you one by one just to see if you will lick the chocolate off his fingers after while he has a big grin on his face

He will cuddle you until he falls asleep right between your breast

He will annoyingly walk around all day saying "I love you Bella or I love you Bella Donna" until your so tired of hearing it but its still sweet

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Chuuya

Bubble bath with wine and candles for two... he will wash your back and kiss every fluffy suds away from your shoulders. His hands might wander a bit so be prepared

Rose petals across the bed, champagne cold in a bucket

He will give you a nice long massage from head to toe.. again he will get handsy

he loves to take you out on the balcony of your apartment turn some love songs down softly and hold you in his arms

He got you 2 dozen roses, a valentines day balloon and a cute stuffed teddy bear. He bought as a sweet vday set from the florist

Brings out the kissing game for better intimacy with his favorite girl

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Atsushi

He never has alot of money to work with but he saved up for this night. He may not can afford as much as everyone else but he got a $10 cake from the bakery

Got a bouquet of teddy bears instead of flowers because they last longer so he gets more for his money

Candles he bought at the dollar store

Fake rose petals to give a romantic look to the bedroom

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Ranpo

He makes lots of cookies and cupcakes with you then helps you eat them all

Plushies for milk and donuts that says "Donut Let Me Go"

He gets you a cute floral set that says just what he feels "He is Sweet On You"

He will kiss you on the lips a thousand times in the day because you will taste as sweet as the snacks you have been eating

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Kunikida

He starts your day with heart shaped eggs and croissants. Expresso coffee with custom whipped milk and deco of a heart

Rose petals laid across the floor leading from the bedroom to the bathroom for your bath

A bottle of dark red wine awaits with preserved roses at its side

Nice hot bath with votive candles to light the room up. He won't stand around and stare after he gets the bath poured he steps out until your done

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Akutagawa

Got you a cute little kitten plushie with you in mind since you are his kitten

Feathered dark red rose set in basket. It gives off a darker hue than most arrangements but also very unique just like him.

Yes he did it he got matching shirts he wears under his jacket that says senpai on it and the other yours kohai. Its not exact like if it was my queen or king but he is trying to warm up and not be so cold so bare with him

He will eventually will show more his romantic side but settle the night in his arms as he reads to you one of his favorite books.

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Sigma

Makes sure you have lovely flowers just as lovely as you are

He made sure you had a heart with chocolates in it he actually enjoys watching you eat them. Something about the cute face you make when you eating chocolate

He wakes you with his all famous waffles he makes but he makes them pink with strawberry flavoring and some strawberries on top.

He brings your breakfast in bed and offers to even feed it to you if you like

He will cook you your favorite meal that even because this man may not say it but he can cook pretty well.

Bottle of champagne and a hot bath to soak in he has you covered. He won't disturb you in the bath he will just gladly sit down on the floor refilling your champagne as you need it and enjoying time just being intimate and talking to you

He will read to you as you cuddle in his arms in bed

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Tachihara

makes you brownies that say be mine on them and xoxo

buys you a heart metal trinket box

a beautiful heart shaped stone ring with customize your name with his on the inside

lilies and roses with a cute stuffed teddy bear sprayed with his cologne. shhh don't tell anyone he did that he will deny it

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[illogicallyx]

Ok ok ok so I’ll just talk jjk rn because heh why not. So like, Satoru and Suguru are the main main guys- and even b/w these, Suguru stands undefeated lmao. The rest like idk I can think of issues so I just stick to one guy— (ok I imagine a poly between us ok?)

So yes, suguru: we have the academic rival trope for sure—with the “smart ass x dumb ass” thing going except we switch the tags every few few minutes<3 loook suguru def did not like me initially, and vice versa because I found him too stoic and he found me obnoxious BUT the mutual admiration? Yes. Also like between the two of us, he is more mature emotionally so it’s mainly him opening up first—and all that and I’m more friendly to people so I help him socialise and whatever lmao—you can call it golden retriever x black cat energy lmao. Also hcs:- we spend nights where I ramble to him about space and maths until either of us falls asleep or he tells me history facts or psychology facts in the lazy mid-afternoon cuddle sessions until we’re all warm and cozy.

Ok I tried my best of writing someone here but I have nobody💀 so honourable mentions to Megumi and Nanami here lmao. Hand obviously Satoru. I just myself very platonic with everyone else yk?

So I’ll just say Chuuya because lolz: now idk if there is any trope that goes “boss x secretary” frfr but yes. I don’t see it working out anyway else because Chuuya is too hot headed to listen to my bs otherwise. Also also we’re just like two bastards who become bigger jerks when together<3 and I’m taller than Chuuya so<3333 he loves his tall gf fr. And like Chuuya and I support each other no matter what. Like even if the other is in wrong? Shut up, they’re right because I said so. We both help each other maintain stability towards each other tbh and like, a sense of routine and familiarity— and love buying each other gifts. Just like thrive off of that and yes. Small hc again because lol: he loves when I bake for him or better teach him, lke just gets that feel—and so to make up for it he teaches me how to ride his bike

I was gonna do hawks but I’ll keep it short and sweet lmao

please i love the way you have a whole ass backstoriesss <33 if i try to imagine a backstory i will be forced to write a fanfic out of it i have no self control.

also bae should i get into bsd 😭😭im traumatised is it like jjk???? i recently saw that dazai is dead GOJO DEAD DAZAI DEAD what is there left to live for 😞😞

[keybladeofthelostcitiesbsd]

BSD, but it’s NTP’s Scooby Doo Parody Musical

watch this for context: https://youtu.be/bJP-JB5szH0

Dazai: The Armed Detective Agency! Mystery solvers, crime fighters, the HOTTEST people you’ve ever seen and kunikida!

Dazai and chuuya: *see each other*

Chuuya: dazai…

Dazai: chuuya…

Ranpo: ranpo!!

Junichiro: ZOINKS!!

Kenji: JEEPERS!!

Atsushi: JINKIES!!!

Kunikida: [A WHOLE STRING OF UNHOLY WORDS]

Kunikida: *clears throat * sorry

Dazai: * in response to kunikida* that was a new one 

Mushitaro: yes though, DO be careful…

Mushitaro: *evil laugh intensifies* mwah hahaha!! MWAH HA HA-

mushitaro: we installed that for dramatic effect  during our shows, now how did you all like it?

Mushitaro:

Mushitaro: oh they left

*mystery plot twists in Bsd be like*

Client: then he could really be anywhere! The basement has a tunnel system connected throughout the entire town!!

Kunikida: really? And you didn’t think to just, tell anyone that earlier?

Client: I didn’t think it was that important…

Kunikida: IN WHAT WORLD?!

Dazai: * is in jail*

Dazai: *sings an impossibly high note*

Dazai: woah man! I didn’t know I could do that!

Fyodor: yeah, well I do teach voice lessons in my spare time so-

Dazai: dude no way!

Fyodor: if you need any help just reach out

Dazai: yeah man for sure! For sure!

Dazai: so am I supposed to just like, stay here? Or…

Fyodor: oh! Right! Sorry sorry

Dazai: *sees a beautiful woman to commit double suicide with*

Dazai: *touches up hair and clothing*

Dazai: *dramatically poses*

Woman: *does not notice*

Dazai: *dramatically sighs for attention*

Woman: *doesn’t notice*

Dazai: * dramatically sighs even more dramatically*

Woman: *does not give two []s*

Dazai:

Dazai: *somersaults next to her*

Dazai: *to the waitress* were perfect together! You’re hot! I’m soooooooo hot! And I know everyone says that the bandages make me gay, but they’re really popular in Europe, besides it was only one time, he barely put it in it does not count!!  (*cough* cHuUyA * cough* )

Lucy: I’m done! Ok? Im done! Im sick of you, and Fitzgerald, and everyone else just acting like all I do is stand here and look pretty! That is what I do 70% of the time but the other 30% I am a well working member of the guild!!

Kunikida: wait a second, did you and chuuya like…

Dazai: yUp

Kunikida: I had no idea…

dazai: well it’s called the Mystery Machine for a reason

Kunidia: wow- wait a second IN MY CAR?!

Dazai: oh, yeah. Wooooops

*higuchi and chuuya are talking about chuuyas latest diary entry after dazai left the mafia*

Higuchi: you sure it wasn’t about anything else?

Chuuya: like what?

Higuchi: you know chuuya, it would be completely ok-

Chuuya: IM NOT GAY

Chuuya: IT WAS ONE TIME

Dazai: ever since the gang split up, I’ve had nothing! 

Dazai: Except for my modeling career, the book deal, a job, the car, riches, fame, fortune.

Dazai: but literally nothing!!!

Literally anyone: maybe you’re right-

Ranpo: Mhm, I know I am

Dazai: we’re gonna need a grappling hook!

Yosano: oh! I have that in my purse!

Dazai: a crowbar-

Yosano: I also have that in my purse!!

Dazai: a- a large net?

Yosano: I’d have to grab my second purse from the car, but it’s in there!!

Chuuya: *loses his temper in front of his team*

Chuuya: sorry guys, im dealing with a lot right now, it’s um- 

Chuuya: *checks self help book*

Chuuya: internalized rage cause by my attraction

Chuuya: *checks book*

Chuuya: towards

Chuuya: *checks again*

Chuuya: men

*Bsd mystery’s also be like*

ADA: *reveals perpetrator*

ADA: the [person working with them to solve the ctime]

ADA: *gasps*

Dazai: *sarcastic* man, I did NOT see that one COMING

Chuuya: PUPPY POWEEEEEEEEEEEEER

*mysteries in Bsd be like, (part 3!!)

Perpetrator: and I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling SUNAVA []S!!!!

Chuuya: *is being forced to retreat. Dazai’s dragging him away* you haven’t seen the best of CHUUYA NAKAHARA! LET ME AT EM!! LET ME AT EM

Might do a part 2, idk. But I do want to do this with more musicals! Should I do a part 2 with this one again?

[bsdwhore]

Request: Hey i love your hcs sm they're so great could i have one for chuuya with a bi s/o who flirts with kouyou all the time? I thought it would be funny

Chuuya With A Bi S/O Who Flirts With Kouyou

A/N: AHH TYYY THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE

Warning: literally makes no sense tbh

okay so first off he doesn't care you’re bi (as he should and everyone else in this world too 🤨👆) bc he’s lowkey confused on his sexuality too damn that bandaged freak dazai

it also makes him so happy that out of all the hot people in the world you chose him 

you both appreciate men and women and just people together 😌

you’ll be like “OMG LOOK AT THAT PERSON THEY’RE SO PRETTY AND HOT AND HANDSOME AND BEAUTIFUL😮!!” and he’ll be like “YES OMG🤭”

anyway when you first started flirting with kouyou he was just shocked

like this is what happened:

You *coming back from an exhausting mission*

Kouyou: would you like some tea?

You: Yes please

Kouyou: okay what’s your favourite tea?

You: You shawtea 😏😏🥴

Kouyou: oh really? 😏

Chuuya *standing in the door frame*: …🧍‍♂️why am i laughing so hard making this stop nimi what the fuck its not even funny

Whenever you flirt with kouyou she lowkey flirts back. Sometimes you get embarrassed even though you were the one who started it so you have to run away  🏃‍♀️😳

You’ll be like “OMG KOUYOU IS SUCH A MILF LIKE STEP ON ME😩” and chuuya is just there like “Im right here 😐 your boyfriend”

Anyway one day he’s just had enough

“PLEASE STOP FUCKING STOP. ANYONE BUT KOUYOU PLEASE”

so you resort to flirting with gin and higuchi and tachihara and hirotsu and akutagawa instead

when you flirted with gin she didn’t respond at all she was just like 😶 but SWEAR you saw a bit of blush from under her mask

when you flirted with higuchi she just ran away, stuttering she only has eyes for akutagawa and akutagawa only

when you flirted with tachihara he also ran away, stuttering he only has eyes for the akutagawas and the akutagawas only

when you flirted with hirotsu, he was disgusted and carried on smoking🚬🧐

when you flirted with akutagawa he coughed on you and pulled rashoumon out.

Anyway then you ran to chuuya and cried because you nearly died from akutagawa

When you come back home though please reassure chuuya you aren't gonna leave him and give him lots of cuddles and kisses

“I promise I’d never leave you for a dilf, gilf, milf, pilf, ever bc i have my chilf🥰”

“A chilf?”

“Yeah a chuuya i’d like to fuck”

*sighs* “okay ig 🙄💗”

okay bye👋

[cherryblossomsno1fan]

bsd characters except it's conversations/things me and my friends have said

Dazai: everybody attack Atsushi he's suppressing his emotions again

Junichiro: I mean?? same?? but yeah let's focus on Atsushi

---

Atsushi: Akutagawa is threatening me send help

Dazai: I mean what else is new-

Kunikida, from a distance: yeah not surprising

---

Yosano: shakespeare was bi, yes, but the bi was short for bitch.

---

Akutagawa, running in a hallway: aye you can't get rid of shit.

Atsushi, following him: it's me, I'm shit.

---

Ranpo: I just choked on ramen and felt it in my nose.

---

Dazai to Elise: why do you laugh like a child- oh wait.

---

Kenji: does british count as a language?

---

Kunikida: no one likes mushrooms until like college but they're really good.

Atsushi: I like mushrooms

Kunikida: so we do have someone with taste in this agency

---

Dazai: AYO. OK BUT THAT WASN'T GAY.

Chuuya: yeah, it's not gay if you didn't see it

---

Gin: bruh the trump stans are taking it too far

---

Q: CRYPTIDS ARE ABOVE GENDER!!! MOTHMAN IS NONBINARY!!

---

Kyouka to Atsushi: I'm going to be honest with you right now I have no idea what the fuck it is that we're supposed to be doing but like hell I'm going to admit that

---

Fyodor: I wanna be Russia's big daddy

---

Q: I'll just pour apple juice in a shot glass and pretend it's tequila

---

Mori: children die everywhere!

---

Kouyou: there was this girl with a really hot voice but then she started talking about christianity so i just left.

---

Atsushi: she also said that I looked gay

Akutagawa: I mean

Akutagawa: she's right

---

Kyouka: I'm just gonna chill with my lego baby yoda and pretend i never saw that

---

Dazai: I have a ball of aluminium foil I might just choke myself on it

---

Chuuya about to use corruption: you've shawtied your last shawty bitch

---

Ranpo: *to the tune of money by abba* honey honey honey, where the fuck are you

---

Dazai: no. I am a vacuum.

Chuuya, in the distance: that's why you suck

Dazai: yeah well at least I don't swallow, whore

---

Hawthorne: God is shining through my window.

---

When the ADA watched the dragon prince

Kunikida: why are there so many same-sex couples on this show?

Ranpo: because gay people exist, Kunikida.

Yosano: yeah, don't be a bitch Kunikida.

---

Kouyou, drunk off her ass: fuck anxiety, be gay for women

---

Atsushi, with the voice of an excited child: iT'S A SQUIRREL AGAIN

---

Atsushi: I can see my hair and I look like a lesbian

---

Dazai: I knew you weren't straight since you were 2

Akutagawa: how?

Dazai: you were always a fucking fruit.

---

Elise: my cat is more gender neutral

Q: I kin that cat

---

Nikolai: PACK THE CHICKENS AND UNFASTEN THE SEATS WE RIDE FREE OF THE EXTRA WEIGHT THAT IS OUR HUMANITY AND WE CROSS THE SEVEN OCEAND AND THE 2 SEAS AT DAWN. DONR LET ANYTHING HOLD YOU BACK. THIS IS YOUR MOMENT TO RIOT. MY FRIENDS.MY COLUMNISTS. MY COMRADES. MY RUSSIANS.WE.LEAVE.NOW. OUR TIME IS HERE

---

Atsushi: HOW DID I NOT KNOW I LIKED HIM

Atsushi: LIKE HOW DID EVERYONE KNOW BEFORE ME

Dazai: bc you're a dumb gay bitch

Atsushi: fair point

---

Dazai: fuck short people and not in the good way

---

Kenji: you drenched in pool water dorito

---

Naomi: smirks in simp

---

Kunikida, talking to the agency: let's face it, we're all just stupid gays

---

Ranpo: why do you car turns into lighting mcqueen

Yosano, not even looking up: kachow mamas

---

Steinbeck: hi hello I just found Cthulu x reader smut

Francis: who tf is cahtukl

---

Chuuya texting Dazai: I HAT =W YOU

Dazai: you hat =w me ok bet

---

Dazai: gay (dogatoty)

Atsushi: DOGATOTY??

Ranpo: dogatoty

Yosano: dogatoty

Dazai: NO

---

Dazai: hc that bald kurapika is a time traveler

---

Fukuzawa: what happened in this damn nightmare of a chat

---

Chuuya: Fyodor is definitely homophobic

Dazai: we should all be gay for a day then

Chuuya's closeted ass: yeah,,, haha

---

Dazai: "trickshot!" i say as i throw the (closed) lunch container. it in fact was not a trick shot because instead of going in the trashcan it hit my friends arm and exploded everywhere.

---

Ranpo: who's my sweet little pigchapm

Ranpo: pig-

Yosano: PIG

Ranpo: MY MISSPELLING DID THAT TO MY SWEET LITTLE PIGCHAMP

Ranpo: MY SLEEP DEPRIVED ASS KEEPS RYLING PIGCHAMO

Ranpo: PIG CHAMO

Ranpo: PIGCHAMP

Yosano: YOU ARE PIG CHANP.

Yosano: CHAMP*

Ranpo: CHAMI

Yosano: pig-chan

Ranpo: NO

Ranpo: yknow what fuck it

Ranpo: "oh pig chan thou eyes shine bright like the mid summer moon and thy thighs are as fat as they come, now make love to me under the moonlight , this holy night before the sun arises and you have to depart for the future" whispered Shakespeare in pig-chans ear

Yosano: I 'OEHHELAHEPP

---

Dazai texting the gc at ass in the morning: LOOK YOU KNOW WHAT I KNOW FOR A FACT SHAKESPEARE WOULD USE THE WORD STAN AND THE WORD PUFFERS

Dazai: POGEERS*

Dazai: PEGGERS

Chuuya: PUFFERS

Dazai: POGGERS

Dazai: DAMN IT

Chuuya: shakespeare is my pogchamp

Dazai: PLS

Dazai: "snakspeare is me pogchamo umye lads

Chuuya: what if i pegged shakespeare

Dazai: jail

Dazai: horny jail

Chuuya: #brocken

Dazai: "ah yes shakesapee rhat beard is so hot" moans

Chuuya: write me a poem bitch

Dazai: "talk victorian english to me " moans harder

Ango who supervises the group chat and is the only adult awake: I hate it here.

[hanemiso]

Operation: Dairy For Dazai

>>>a dazai osamu x reader<<<

request: "omg i love your post about Dazai and his possibility of having lactose intolerance hahaha, i wish you could do a fanfic out from that"

a/n: um this is such a great idea??? this was so much fun to write omg i hope y'all like it! also i know dazai doesn't necessarily drink coffee with milk and sugar/creamer, but for the sake of the story he does! also sorry if the gif looks weird, i couldn't find his weird little run anywhere else.

synopsis: no one has seen dazai drink milk or consume dairy of any kind...it's up to the agency to figure out if dazai is lactose intoleralnt or not!

warnings: one swear word, dazai not being able to handle dairy

"hey atsushi, you ever notice that dazai doesn't consume dairy?"

"what do you mean, y/n?" atsushi asks, glancing up at you from the computer.

"think about it. have you ever seen dazai drink milk? eat cheese? buy ice cream?" you press on, raising your brows.

atsushi takes a second to think before responding with, "now that you mention it, no i haven't...why are you asking anyway?"

"i think dazai is lactose intolerant."

you now have atsushi's full attention as he rolls closer to your desk and furrows his brows. he looks around the room for the brunette you're talking about before turning back to you, "you think so? i don't know...maybe it's like a dietary thing."

you deadpan, "you really think the man who goes out of his way to try new attempts at committing suicide--the one who came into the office with a hallucinogenic mushroom from a random mountain--is concerned with his own nutrition?"

atsushi goes silent and nods his head in agreement.

"come on, atsushi. i mean, why would that be the one thing out of his entire diet that he'd choose to cut out?"

"that's true, i've seen the kinds of things he eats...but why is this something you're interested in?"

"because, atsushi, the thought of THE dazai osamu even having one slight weakness--and the fact that it very well may be dairy, of all things-- is amusing. you don't find it interesting? that he can survive things like bullet wounds and getting kidnapped without any problem, but a glass of milk could completely ruin him?"

atsushi was beginning to take interest in what you were talking about. you had a point, he couldn't deny that. they don't know much about dazai and his life as it is. just as it began clicking in his brain, kunikida walks over to your desk to tell you both to get back to work. at the sound of his footsteps, you turn towards him and before he can say anything at all, you ask him the same question as atsushi. kunikida has a smiliar reaction and response to atsushi, which just adds to the curiosity of dazai's possible dairy problem.

"i don't pay attention to that idiot's diet anyway, nor do i care." he says matter-of-factly.

anyone could tell that kunikida was slightly interested, just by the way he was continuing to linger by your desk as you continued talking about it with atsushi. soon enough, tanizaki had joined the conversation; then ranpo and kenji, and soon everyone in the agency other than fukuzawa. everyone was huddled around your desk, sharing memories of dazai's lack of dairy consumption. it was then decided that this theory of dazai being lactose intolerant would be put to the test when dazai returned to the office.

ranpo had come up with the idea, it wasn't too elaborate but a simple plan that could trick even the likes of dazai into drinking a glass of milk. during the discussion of dazai's dietary habits, it was also brought to everyone's attention by kunikida that it seems dazai doesn't have a high spice tolerance either. with that in mind, the plan was for the agency to have a joint dinner tonight, with curry on the menu tonight; spicy curry to be exact. dazai always flirts with you in the office, so it was your job to distract him by indulging in his pick-up lines and such. once he takes a bite and realizes it's too spicy for him, he'd try to find water to alleviate the pain, but coincidentally there is no water in sight. because of this, he'd be forced to drink the glass of milk you hand him. of course, if this didn't work, for dessert you'd give him a cup of coffee with milk and sugar (he uses non-dairy creamer in his coffee anyway).

you and kyouka set up a table to put the bowls of curry on, while atsushi and kunikida began bringing in the curry. tanizaki, naomi, and ranpo were in charge of getting the desserts to really sell the image of a nice gathering. kenji and yosano were in charge of tinkering with the water pipes to close off any possibility of access to water. this task was treated with such care, as any mission brought into the agency would be. each and every one of you were interested in learning about this side of dazai; are you going the extra mile for such a minuscule detail of someone's life? yes, but will it be amusing to find out the truth? also yes.

soon enough, dazai is spotted out the window. the truth is about to be revealed, and you are all nervous but excited.

"remember guys, act natural! operation: dairy for dazai starts now!" you exclaim quietly.

you can hear everyone take a deep breath and begin "talking" amongst themselves as dazai walks in. he stops in his tracks as he eyes the table holding all the bowls of curry and widens his eyes in surprise.

"oh? what's this?" he asks, gesturing to the table.

"y/n suggested having dinner in the agency tonight, so we got some curry and desserts." atsushi explains.

"have a bowl, dazai-kun." you smile at him as you hand him the bowl of spicy curry.

"ah, you're too nice, my belladonna!" he exclaims and grabs the bowl.

so far so good, you think.

you can feel the tension in the room as everyone waits for dazai to take a bite. the conversations carry on amongst people, but no one was truly paying attention to what was being said. the gazes of each member of the agency shifted to dazai as he raised the spoon up to his mouth. you could hear the sound of everyone in the room holding their breaths, even kunikida was sweating.

once the spoon had been placed in his mouth, everyone froze in place. you and atsushi tried to pretend to not be paying much attention to dazai, but it was so hard not to when all of a sudden he stopped chewing. you both slowly turn your head towards him and see his eyes go wide once again. he hurries to the nearest trashcan and spits out the spoonful, quickly turning and looking for a cup of water on the table.

"w-what's wrong, dazai-san?" atsushi asks, also sweating.

"h-hot! spicy curry! atsushi-kun, i need water! please!" dazai exclaims.

you run to the table and pretend to look for a cup of water before grabbing the glass of milk and hurrying towards dazai.

"sorry dazai-kun, i couldn't find any water, but i heard milk helps with the pain!" you hold out the glass of milk.

it feels like time stops as dazai sits there, breathing shallows breaths in attempts to stop the fire in his mouth, and contemplating whether he wants to try his luck with continuing to gasp for air or drinking the milk. he hates suffering, after all. in his mind, all that matters at this moment is extinguishing the flames dancing on his tongue. he grabs the glass, just as planned, and drinks a couple big gulps. everyone is now turned to him, asking if he's okay.

"i'm...fine." he says between pants.

now it was only a matter of time. the dinner continued as normal, but dazai wasn't as social as usual. he sat down with you and atsushi as you continued to talk about different missions.

"oh yeah, dazai-kun, do you remember--" you turn to look at him but realize he's staring at the ground intently as sweat beads on his face, "dazai?"

he blinks once and tries regaining his composure as he looks up at you with his usual smile, "yes, belladonna?"

"are you feeling alright?" you ask with concern laced in your voice.

"of course i am!" dazai tries to reply cheerily, but his bright tone is cut off by a rumbling in his stomach that makes his face twist.

he tries replacing his expression with a smile again, but it looks more pained as another low rumble emits from his body. at this point, everyone in the office is stealing glances. he looks back at the ground as his eyes widen yet again, and only two words are uttered before he takes off running to the bathroom:

"oh shit."

everyone stares at the door, processing what just happened. it was so silent, the only sound you could hear was dazai's rapid footsteps echoing down the hall.

"i knew it." you smirk a bit to yourself.

but your feeling of victory is brief as the horrid smell invades your nostrils. your poor co-workers get assaulted by the same stench, and you all are forced to evacuate.

operation: dairy for dazai was a success, but at what cost?

------------------------------------------

BONUS: how chuuya found out about dazai's lactose intolerance

chuuya was the only person who knew of dazai's problem with dairy, but the way he found out was purely accidental and scarred him.

the event took place when they were 17, and they were both stopping for a drink at a local cafe after a mission. the mission wasn't too bad, but it was early in the morning and chuuya wanted coffee. dazai told him it would stunt his already lacking growth, so chuuya wasn't in the greatest mood; he never was around dazai.

"i wanna sit down so you can order for me!" dazai claps his hands together.

"hey! i don't wan-" chuuya begins to protest but dazai cuts him off while walking away.

"you know what i like!"

chuuya grumbles in annoyance as he heads to the counter and orders two drinks. in his fit of anger, he accidentally ordered two coffees with milk and sugar, but failed to notice as he brought the cups to the table dazai sat at. he narrows his eyes as he sets the cup down in front of dazai and sits across from him. chuuya stares out the window to try and tune out dazai when he hears dazai ask him something quietly.

"is there...milk in this?"

chuuya scoffs and replies, "what's wrong, can't handle a bit of milk?"

he was obviously joking, but the sound that emits from dazai's body in response makes him realize it was no joke. dazai quickly stands and runs to the bathroom while chuuya sits there in disbelief, but with the hope that the rest of the day won't be ruined because of it.

that was wishful thinking though, as they frequently had to stop at public restrooms on their way home and chuuya had to deal with the rancid odor that followed dazai as closely as his own shadow.

taglist: @justmycupoftea93 @loveliestmolly @darlingimawitch @b-i-t-t-i-e-s @browneyespinkhair @silverstar22x @stupidfrogfreak @anotakugardener @jhopesstickeredcarrier @joyfulartisanstudentlamp @spacedoutcoffeebeans @puddingowo66 @kaeyapng @beomluvrr @imobsessedwithskkanditshows

[iridescentdove]

Dazai, Chuuya, Atsushi & Ranpo w/ Elysia! Reader

Elysia is the Herrscher of Human Ego in Honkai Impact. She is a girl as beautiful as dancing petals, and holds the power which is comparable to a God itself.

Her personality is cheerful and sweet-loving, Elysia cares about her friends and everyone else dearly. She's elegant, unique, and is a person who enjoys everything.

Decay Of Angels Ver. ♡ Port Mafia Ver.

DAZAI OSAMU:

This guy does indeed agree that you are a God, sent from above to bless him with your existence.

He thinks you're the most beautiful girl in existence. And well, technically he's not wrong. He's never seen someone as gorgeous and elegant as you are.

Was definitely a lil surprised at first, let's just say that you sparred against him for fun.

When this dumbass tried to neutralize your "ability" he then realizes you're immune, which makes his ass get beat and loose the match in 0.05 seconds. Everyone's impressed.

"(Y/N)-chan! Step me on me please!" No thanks.

A few had gotten suspicious, and Dazai was simply curious.

By any means, he didn't really think to interrogate you as he knew even he himself was not invincible. But to think someone could go against his own ability?

By the time you revealed your identity and strength to the ADA, let's just say you were forced asked to join them.

You were so kind, literally looking so incapable of being evil. You were a good person, which led them to think you'd be the winning card to their battles.

And funny enough, you were.

Not even seconds later, you had annihilated everyone with nothing else but a simple smile. Dazai fell for you hard the moment you first met, but now?

"You. Me. Bed. Now."

Boom, and your God Form. Your transformation IS PEAK. Dazai is literally deceased.

He's giggling, squealing, curling his toes, twirling his hair.

The way you float up the air, your pretty outfit doing you justice fr makes him feel things yk

You've definitely been so understanding and leading him to the light, being ever so kind and gentle. He's so thankful for it. Maybe he's found something he'd finally live for?

Not even thinking twice, the day came as Dazai slowly goes down on one knee, a beautiful velvet box in hand.

"(Y/N)...will you marry me? No jokes this time!"

He wants to spend his eternity with you.

NAKAHARA CHUUYA:

Man, just looked at this fucking simp– you'd bet he'd have dropped literally everything in the mafia just for you.

And again, he acknowledges your power and how you could probably destroy everything known in existence with not even 10% of your power.

Fyodor shaking in his fugly ass boots

Chuuya is basically in love with you. But thing is, he's never experienced that type of love.

Which is where YOU come in! <3

In a relationship, you'd be the one leading him. And he's following like a cute lost puppy with his mother. Yes, pun intended. But seriously, he's in love with you.

You love everyone. That was understandable as basically the God of Humanity.

However, joining in such bad deeds like the Port Mafia is your boundary. Ironic how you're dating a criminal literally wanted in 30+ countries, but you don't judge anyone! :)

Chuuya had wanted to try fighting against you once, and let's just say he couldn't go to work the next day.

He is in awe of your power. Who's Dazai again lmao

Dude will turn tomato red the moment he sees you in your God Form. You're just so breathtaking it's impossible to remain calm and collected.

He'll attempt to sputter out a compliment, but his flustered self made it harder. You understood though.

When the both of you go out to fight and be hot shit, he'd never fail to be impressed by your power. Then again he's almost not needed because you'd destroy them all–

Best assured, he's found the love of his life. He'd never trade you for anything in the world <3

"(Y/N), i want to be with you for the rest of my life. God or not...i'd still choose you."

NAKAJIMA ATSUSHI:

You probably already saw this coming, but i'll just say it.

You're the one who saves Atsushi's ass everytime. Like it happens way too often that it's not even surprising. It just became a HABIT for you lmao

Everytime he gets stabbed or stepped on by the mafia, you're already annihilating them and healing Atsushi.

He never fails to thank you for it though <3

You're so pretty and strong! As you've probably said it beforehand, you're a God. And does he freak out?

Yes. Absolutely. 100%.

At first, he's trying to deny it and thinking that you're just joking. Like, maybe Dazai rubbed off on you or something! But well...he just ends up accepting it.

Stares at you, almost shitting his pants. But you just tell him not to be afraid so softly while patting his head sjdhshasjw

He's dead in love. Let's say you were actually part of the ADA already for a while now, and wanted to help the humans you protect.

Then one day, you saw poor Atsushi getting kicked out of the orphanage. Yay! Boom, you have a roommate <3

Atsushi was glad to have you around. The protection and kindness of a God? He'd be independent on his own, but he'd never say no to getting helped by you.

Is in love with your God Form. He shyly asks if it's okay for you to transform so he can feel safe in your arms *SOBS*

I love him so fucking much is it obvious

But in all seriousness, he thought you were indeed an angel sent from the heavens. Coming to take and care for him just as he thought he'd have nowhere to go kicked out.

And well, overall would take a hundred bullets for you. This man won't take shit from anyone who insults you.

Atsushi transforming to protect you? YESSHDHDHW

Then honestly, he's not afraid anymore. With the most precious smile in existence – he claims that he cherishes everything you've done for him.

And slowly gives you a soft kiss on lips. All the while internally promising himself he won't ever leave you, just like how you never left him.

EDOGAWA RANPO:

Buckle up and get ready for the most crackhead ass headcanon you've seen in your life.

ANYWAYS SO

This bitch thinks you're pretty asf. Like yes, i'm aware i've said that for the past three characters BUT this man is literally on a whole nother level.

You'll wake up to Ranpo squeezing you tight in his sleep with candy wrappers all over the fucking bed wtf

When you ask him, he'll simply smile and say

"...Your chest is a great cushion!" I'll kill you

Mk but imagine both of ya'll are out on a case and he pulls you into a goddamn candy store, all the while maintaining eye contact as he seductively buys candy.

SEDUCTIVELY. BUYS. CANDY??

Man idfk how he does it but he's just in love. He won't waste a time to proudly show you off to others.

But the moment you begin showing someone else Dazai love this dumb hoe gets all pouty and begins to make his very wonderful, amazing mysterious diabolical plan

He failed.

You giggled at his attempts, but he has the AUDACITY to keep going and act like he did sumn :/

Although you don't have extremely good skills in solving some detective crimes like Ranpo, you're definitely far of a stretch than him in terms of strength and power.

Like ma'am what the fuck?? Did you just? Kill three mafia executives?? IN A ROW?!

Ranpo's too proud to admit but he loves you fr.

In your God Form, you show a lot more of your assets and this bitch...lives for it. You'd never have caught him staring cause this mf has his eyes closed most of the time

What the glasses for

Ranpo would follow you beyond the galaxy and back just to get the morning kiss he didn't receive man tf

DO IT OR HE GETS A BITCH FIT

By the time you've settled down (and stomped on basically every mafia, guild and fyodor's ass to bits), this guy won't even waste any time. He loves you sm.

After taking a stroll during your candy store visit, Ranpo kisses you like it was the end of the world.

Had you always been this beautiful? Obviously, you kept getting even prettier each day. And as he pulls back, Ranpo assures you that you were the best blessing in his life.

So now i'm begging you, marry this bozo pls

[sirenascales]

-> double black [final part] 18+

-> Chuuya x 1stPOV!F!Reader x Dazai

-> Who knew getting fired from work could lead to this?

-> Content: SMUT, slight angst, violence, murder, swearing

Let's end this with a bang, shall we? Also, let's not cry too much, okay? [Chuuya x 1stPOV!F!Reader x Dazai]

4,004 words

warning: SMUT, double vaginal penetration, oral [M], face fucking, slight degradation, passing out, emotions in the end

note:  we're finally done! thanks to everyone who took the time to read my silly story! I truly hope this brought you some type of joy and entertainment! I would appreciate some final feedback now that we are finished. Please dont be shy 🥺❤

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Final || Masterlist

I couldn't help the deep sigh that left from behind my lips as strong hands massaged my back, my body relaxing on the comfortable massage bed. A floral, relaxing scent wafted through my nose, further relaxing me.

"Your body is so tense," a soft, feminine voice said and I hummed in response, eyes closing as the person's hands continued to massage me. "Don't worry, I'll have you all better by the end."

I just hummed again, letting my mind wander as the masseuse massaged my muscles. If she noticed the bruises and bite marks left on my skin, she didn't say anything, just massaging them a little more carefully.

The night before... just thinking back to it made me chew on my bottom lip, remembering how both Chuuya and Dazai thoroughly fucked me deep into the night. They basically turned me inside out, pulling orgasm after orgasm from my body, using me in any which way to please them until I was a fucked out, shaking mess, lying on my back staring blankly at the ceiling.

I can hear their laughter still in my head, the dirty words they whispered still fresh in my mind. Can still feel their rough fingers digging into my flesh, in my mouth, inside me, pulling me into new heights over and over again until I was basically brain dead.

Last night was the first night in days that I had actually gotten some sleep, having woken up refreshed, yet still sore just this morning. It took a bit to get up and walk around, searching for clothes only to remember that I didn't even pack a bag when Chuuya brought me to the penthouse.

"You won't need it," Chuuya told me, sitting at the bar and sipping some tea. He only wore his pants, his shirtless form making me flustered a bit.

"I can't walk around naked, you know. What if I need to leave the penthouse?" I huffed, earning a laugh from Dazai, who was still cuddled up in the blankets.

"You're not leaving, bella~"

I scoffed. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I took vacation time."

"Bullshit."

Dazai just grinned at me and I rolled my eyes. I can just hear Kunikida bursting a blood vessel at this very moment. I shook my head, feeling Chuuya come up and hug me from behind, kissing on my neck softly.

"You won't be leaving," he confirmed Dazai's statement and I shivered slightly. "The masseuse will be here in an hour, so eat breakfast. I felt just how tight and tense your body was last night."

"We need you to be nice and pliable~" Dazai sang and I scoffed, my face heating up.

"Horn dogs..." I grumbled, Chuuya letting me go. After a much needed shower and breakfast, there was a knock on the door and now here I was, the very skilled masseuse kneading out every tight knot in my body.

"Thank you," Chuuya told the masseuse after finishing the session with me. He handed her a fat wad of cash and as she headed out the penthouse, more than pleased with the large tip.

"... and you really think you don't scream 'sugar daddy'?" I asked him, earning a huff and a glare from the red head. Dazai snickered, arm wrapping around my loose body. He led me over to the bar to join Chuuya and I sat on the stool. There was a bit of a silence and I took a look at the two of them before I set my hands on the bar.

"Okay," I started. "Let's talk."

"Ohhh, exciting," Dazai hummed, grabbing the whiskey and pouring himself a glass. "Now that things have finally settled down, I guess it's finally time to have this conversation."

Chuuya was confused. "What conversation?"

"What else? This," I gestured between the three of us. "Us."

"... aren't we just what, fuck buddies? Hell, we were only supposed to have a one night stand!"

"Yet, here we are, Chuuya."

"That's what happens when you have good pussy," Dazai remarked and I gasped, completely scandalized as my face heated up.

"Dazai!"

"What, it's true!"

"Ugh, even if we are just fuck buddies, we have to set boundaries! Expectations!" I exclaimed. "We haven't used condoms, we know Dazai is a little thot-" 

"Hey!" 

"Pfft!"

"Don't laugh, Chuuya, you are way too pretty to not be gettin' some."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, you're the only one I've been sleeping with," Dazai admitted and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I don't know if I believe you."

"But it's true! Whose bed have I been in the most recently?"

"I... well, you have a point."

"And you're the first I've had in a while," Chuuya admitted himself. "I had a lot of things going on."

I nodded my head in understanding, fiddling with my thumbs a bit. "Well... I just want us to be safe. And well, you know, happy so... I don't mind... keeping things how they are now. You know, casual..." I was getting a bit flustered.

"I don't have a problem with it," Dazai said with a shrug.

"Of course you don't," Chuuya huffed. "But fine. It'll be better if feelings don't get involved anyway."

"Oh, most definitely," I agreed with a nod of my head. "And if anyone wants out, then that's okay."

"Oh bella, I don't think that's happening anytime soon," Dazai hummed, finishing his whiskey. He set the glass down, capturing my gaze with his heated eyes and I gasped softly. I then felt my hair being pushed to the side and I bit my lip as Chuuya pressed up against me, kissing on my neck.

"Wait-" I gasped, watching as Dazai stood up from his stool, already pulling off his shirt. "We need to-"

"Talking is over," Chuuya whispered, easily pulling me off the stool. We followed Dazai back towards the bed, it was made with fresh, clean sheets. My mind immediately wandered back to the night before and a chill went down my spine.

It didn't take long for things to get heated, me now sandwiched between them standing at the foot of the bed. My hands were in Chuuya's hair as we kissed, his hands going to undo the robe I was in. The soft material fell to the ground and from behind, Dazai cupped my breasts in his hands, leaving hot, open mouth kisses on my neck.

Dazai's fingers pinched and pulled at my nipples, while Chuuya pushed his hand between my legs, fingers finding my clit. I gasped when he started to rub circles on it, his free arm wrapping around my waist to keep me still.

"You're so wet already," Chuuya whispered against my lips and I whined softly.

"Are you surprised?" Dazai asked, his voice dark yet teasing. "Our dirty little girl is always ready for us to just... take her. Is that right?"

He had asked me and I whimpered softly, nodding my head as I bit my lip to keep me from moaning loudly as Chuuya pushed two fingers inside my wet pussy. Dazai tutted, Chuuya snickering a bit as Dazai grabbed me by my hair, yanking my head back. I cried out, Dazai hissing in my ear.

"I thought we taught you yesterday. Use your fucking words."

"Yes!" I cried out, Chuuya slowly fucking his fingers into me, making it harder for me to talk. I knew I had to answer, but the way that his fingers curled into me made it oh so difficult. No fair. "Yes... 'm so wet for you... I always want you..."

"And why is that?" Chuuya asked, curling his fingers again, Dazai reaching around to rub on my clit as he mouthed along my neck.

"Cause!" I squealed. "I'm- I'm a whore... your whore... your subordinate..."

The men cursed and I found myself thrown onto the bed, only getting a quick second to gather my thoughts before they were on me, Dazai now kissing me deeply while Chuuya kissed along on my chest, taking one of my nipples into his mouth. I moaned in pleasure, squeezing my thighs together, only for both men to reach and spread my legs open.

"Don't fucking hide your pussy from me," Chuuya growled and I whimpered and nodded, crying out when Dazai pushed two of his long fingers into me.

It wasn't long until I found myself on my hands and knees, Chuuya fucking me from behind while Dazai held a tight grip on my head, fucking my mouth. My moans were muffled, the two men moaning, hissing and cursing from their own pleasure.

"I don't know which I like better, your pussy or this hot fucking mouth," Dazai hissed down at me, thrusting his cock deep into my throat then going still, almost making me gag as he made my mouth cockwarm him. "That's right, savor it..."

"Definitely love this pussy, so fucking tight..." Chuuya grunted, hands digging into my hips as he continued to fuck me, the feeling of my walls convulsing around him bringing him near his orgasm. "Fuck, dollface... it's like you were made for us, made for me." He moved his hand around to start rubbing at my clit, my moans and screams muffled by Dazai's cock.

Tears were already running down my face, the vibration from my moans making Dazai tilt his head back as he groaned deeply. Chuuya only had to fuck into me a bit longer before my orgasm rushed through me, my eyes rolling back and my toes curling as I tightened impossibly hard around him. Dazai quickly pushed my head away from him, and I knew it was because I was so close to unconsciously biting him.

"Fuck!" Chuuya quickly pulled out, beginning to stroke his cock himself, when I suddenly shouted.

"Inside! Please!"

Not even thinking about it, Chuuya plunged right back inside of me, pressing me down onto the bed with his hands on my back. His thrusts were almost wild, rough with reckless abandon and I sobbed, clawing into the bed sheets until I found what felt like someone's thigh, clinging onto it.

Feeling Chuuya cum deep inside of me triggered yet another orgasm for me and my mouth was wide open in a silent scream. I barely registered Dazai's hand cupping my jaw, his other stroking his cock until he came right into my gaping mouth.

"Oh fuck, bella... c'mon, swallow it all..." Dazai cooed, closing my mouth for me, wiping my tears away as I did as he told me. I opened my mouth to show him and he smiled slightly. "That's a good girl..."

"Fuck... that was intense..." Chuuya breathed out, lying on his back as I slowly sat up on the bed, catching my breath. My body shook, my mind still hazing as I looked over the two of them. At the sight of blood on Dazai's thigh, my jaw dropped.

"Oh no, I'm sorry..." I whispered, seeing just how hard I dug my nails into his skin.

Dazai just chuckled, waving his hand dismissively as he made himself comfortable against the headboard. "Don't worry about it, bella."

"But-"

"If you're that worried, then come make it up to me. Come sit on this cock."

A chill goes down my spine, but I was already moving to crawl over to him, straddling him and sinking down right on his cock. I gasped sharply, still feeling a bit sensitive but I took it like a champ, trembling on Dazai's lap. Immediately I start to slowly ride him, hands on his shoulders. My head tilted back, eyes closed as I moaned softly.

Dazai just gazed at me, a fond look on his face. The look went away as he looked over at Chuuya, his lips curling up just a bit. "Hey Chuuya..."

"Ugh, what, you bastard?" Chuuya grunted, lifting his head up to look over at us. He watched as Dazai stopped me, squeezing on my ass before he spread my cheeks apart, exposing more of how my pussy swallowed his cock. "Why don't you join us?"

I immediately tense up in his lap, Chuuya's jaw dropping just a bit at the suggestion. He listened to Dazai coo in my ear, hands now rubbing on my back.

"Wouldn't you like two cocks stuffing that pussy, bella?" he hummed, squeezing on my ass again. "Mm, even Chuuya likes that idea, he's hard again."

Chuuya blushed. "Well, who wouldn't be after hearing that?" he scoffed, noticing me looking over my shoulder to look at him, and his cock.

I bit my lip, my mind running at forty thousand miles an hour. The thought of both Dazai and Chuuya stuffing my pussy full of their cock honestly made my heart race, my body shaking as I got so aroused. There was no other answer to be said, and I slowly nodded my head.

A tut. "Words, bella."

"Yes... Yes please. I want you both to fuck me at the same time... I want you to ruin me..."

"Fuck," Chuuya cursed. "You're gonna be the fucking death of me, I hope you know that, dollface."

Dazai laughed, watching Chuuya rummage in the bedside drawer and producing a bottle of lubricant. "Our Chuuya, always so prepared!"

"Oh, shut up, bastard!" Chuuya shouted, climbing back onto my bed and positioning himself behind me. I tensed up again and he huffed, gently kissing on my neck. "You need to relax, dollface. We'll take care of you."

"Hmm," Dazai hummed in agreement, giving me a sweet kiss as Chuuya started to coat his cock with the lubricant. "Relax, it will feel good."

I nodded again, kissing Dazai as a way to distract myself as Chuuya started to rub some extra lube on my pussy. Dazai deepened the kiss, making me moan lightly as I felt Chuuya finally press the head of his cock against my entrance. I took a deep breath, Dazai kissing down on my neck as Chuuya slowly pushed inside of me.

"Fuck..." Chuuya gasped out breathlessly, shuddering deeply as he continued to push in slowly. My head was tilted back, a far away look in my eyes as my mouth hung open. It was like nothing I've ever felt before, so full, so fucking tight and intense. Chuuya pressed his forehead against my shoulder, breathing heavily as he finally bottomed out.

Dazai was just as affected, his eyes glazed over, his bottom lip caught in his teeth as he breathed heavily. "Shit... I could die like this," he whispered. "H-how are you, bella..."

"I..." I stumbled, whimpering when Chuuya shifted just a bit, all three of us hissing as he did so. "Fuck, it feels so good..."

Chuuya was the first to move, slowly pulling himself out before pushing back in. My walls around him, his cock rubbing against Dazai's, it was all too much and Chuuya found him struggling to keep himself in check.

Dazai slowly started to thrust on his own, our breaths coming out strained and haggard as they started to figure out a rhythm to keep. Soon, our moans and grunts sounded about the room, my whines and high pitched squeals ripping from my mouth while they both fucked me so deep, their mouths on any part of my body they can reach.

The headboard thudded against the wall with each thrust, sweat dripping down our bodies. No surprise that tears start to flow down my face, their hands squeezing my body. A hand grabs my face and Chuuya turns my head to kiss me deeply, our tongues swirling around each other as another tongue laps at my nipples.

"Fuck, bella, do you know how fucking beautiful you are," Dazai gasped out against my chest. I only whined, their thrusts becoming a bit more rough, the sounds of skin slapping against skin getting louder, as well as our moans and cries.

"Please... please, it feels so good!" I cried out, tossing my head against Chuuya's head, my hands gripping Dazai's shoulders tightly. "I feel so full..."

"Full of our cocks, huh?" Chuuya groaned. "Fucking you so good... you look so fucking pretty right now, so fucking dirty..."

"Like the whore you are," Dazai continued, smirking.

"Y-your whore..." I mumbled, biting on my lip. "Oh... God... I'm gonna come..."

That only seemed to spur them on, as their thrusts became rougher, their breaths labored as they squeezed my body tight as they fucked me nice and deep. My eyes screwed shut, another cry leaving my lips as the dam finally broke, orgasm tearing through me as my whole body just went rigid, walls convulsing and tightening around them as my vision went white. I just barely registered them cumming inside me when suddenly, my vision went dark.

I was on my back when I suddenly came to and I stared up at the ceiling in confusion, trying to remember what the fuck happened.

"Hey, are you okay?" A gentle finger along my cheek made me jolt and I looked over to find Chuuya lying beside me on the bed, worried look on his face. "You passed out on us."

I was stunned. "I did? For how long?"

"Just a few minutes," Dazai answered, still naked as he walked over to the bed, handing me a bottle of water before climbing into the bed on the other side of me. "Drink that. We're gonna order room service soon."

"I..." I was still stunned, even as I downed half of the bottle of water. "That has never happened before..."

"It was just a bit too intense," Chuuya said, still keeping a gentle hand on me. "Scared the crap out of us."

I frowned. "Sorry..."

Chuuya chuckled softly, kissing my cheek. "Don't be. Somehow, I feel quite smug about this."

I snorted, Dazai just laughing as he shot Chuuya a look.

"Better to make them pass out than to put them to sleep?" he taunted and Chuuya immediately reacted, vein popping on his forehead.

"I have never put anyone to sleep! At least not in the bad way!"

"Yeah, Chuuya is no way boring in bed," you interjected and Dazai whined.

"Bella, I was just having fun!"

I stuck out my tongue at him, Chuuya grumbling in annoyance. He glared at Dazai, scoffing again before he reached over to the nightstand for the room service menu. Chuuya soon made the order for us, and we still lazed around in the bed, honestly not willing to move.

Then a thought came into my head and I groaned. "Fuck. We still have five more days." I slapped my forehead, making the two men burst out laughing.

"Don't think you passing out will stop our plans, dollface," Chuuya teased, kissing my neck and I shied away from him, only to find myself in Dazai's arms as he kissed all over my face.

"This is just a much needed break," he hummed happily, making me roll my eyes. Even if I didn't admit it, I was looking forward to what was next for us, and my poor body.

"Does this place have a hot tub?" I asked and Chuuya nodded.

"They do. And they are private." The implications in his tone made my face get hot and I coughed. They laughed and I just couldn't believe how high of a sex drive they had. Even so, I had no room to talk, considering I was probably no better. And that was okay.

"Can we break for the rest of today?" I then asked them and they shrugged.

"All you have to do is ask," Dazai replied, sending a teasing grin Chuuya's way. "Besides, now I can finally hang with my best bud."

"Oh cut the crap, Dazai," Chuuya growled in response. "As if I'll be friends with a bastard like you."

"Yeah... being friends with someone with horrible shoe taste totally isn't cool. Especially if he wears a stupid hat."

"My hat is not stupid!"

The two continued to argue, their clear dislike for each other making me sigh. I just ignored them, pulling on my robe and getting ready to receive the room service for when it arrives.

Could I survive five more days of...this?

"I'm gonna miss you so much," I whispered as I hugged my best friend tightly, feeling my eyes start to sting. The loud, busy bustle of the airport continued around us, folks from all walks of life coming and going. I pulled back from the hug, giving Keiko a wide, watery smile.

She wiped my tears away, her own tears threatening to fall. "Don't cry, honey. I'll be back before you know it."

As Keiko told me before, she was going away on an extended trip, and will be gone for six months, even longer. She needed to get out of Japan and go to a place where she could heal and find herself again, and Japan was not the place for that.

Just the thought of not having my best friend with me brought fresh tears to my eyes and I hugged her again. Keiko hugged me back just as tightly, the dam finally breaking and tears falling down her beautiful face.

"Thank you so much. For everything," she whispered, her voice trembling. "You saved my life. I will forever be indebted to you."

"No, Keiko," I pulled back again, shaking my head. "You are not. You will not be tied down to someone again, not even me."

Keiko frowned. "But-"

"Just get better," I told her firmly. "Heal. Become a better Keiko. Come back bigger and better than ever. That is how you can repay me." I smiled at her, reaching up to wipe her tears away. Her big eyes shone with tears and emotions, her lips quivering as she cupped my face.

"I'm gonna miss you so much," she said softly. "I love you."

I laughed softly, putting my hand over hers. "I love you too, Keiko. I am just a phone call away and I'll be here whenever you need me."

Keiko smiled wide, still cupping my face and I was surprised when she leaned in and pressed a soft kiss right on my lips. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped as Keiko pulled away, giggling behind her hand.

"What was-"

"I'll be back in a blink of an eye," Keiko said, picking up her carry on bag. "And we're gonna have sooooo much catching up to do, so you better be ready! And please, don't get pregnant."

I gaped at her and Keiko laughed loudly. It made my heart race, that small glimpse of the old Keiko making me even more emotional. She waved at me one last time before turning and walking towards security. I watched as she went through, holding back my tears until she finally disappeared.

I took a deep breath, wiping the tears off my face before I turned to finally make my way out of the airport. I had come alone, just wanting to have this moment alone with Keiko. I didn't like the thought of being alone, but I knew that Keiko needed this more than anything, and I was proud of her for making such a huge decision. Besides, we could always facetime, so it's not like I'll be truly alone.

Getting into the taxi I had flagged down, I reached into my purse to grab my phone, gaping when my one messaging app showed over 100+ notifications. Opening it, I snorted a laugh when I realized it was because of Dazai and Chuuya fighting in the group chat I forced them to join. I sent in a short message before putting my phone away, shaking my head.

Yeah, with those two, I truly wouldn't be alone. I did worry for my sanity though, but that was something I worried about before I even moved to Japan. I took a glance into the rearview mirror of the taxi, not surprised to see in my reflection angry tears going down my face, even though my face was completely dry.

->The End

[dinosaurtsukki]

bsd as their zodiac signs | port mafia

a/n: continuation of the bsd as zodiac signs series !! i’ll try to make some more for other characters (very interested in discussing fyodor being a scorpio) so stay tuned for that in the near future !!

▸ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ◂

chuuya nakahara | taurus

kgljgkajd CHUUYA IS SUCH A TAURUS I JUST HAVE TO SAY THAT RIGHT NOW

when i saw this i squealed because we’re compatible so if you’re a cancer come get your man

aNYWAY

tauruses are known for being very stubborn, loyal, and hardworking and chuuya definitely shows all of that

loyalty is very important to him which is why he’s pretty much dedicated his life to the mafia. also him being able to climb up to the executive position is because of his hard work

also works pretty much 24/7 and if he’s not doing missions he’s doing paperwork

baby needs a break

tauruses, and other earth signs as well, are known to be materialistic and self-indulgent too but that mostly comes from how hardworking they are too

spending money is just one of his ways to self-care (he is a self-care king) and it’s a reward for himself after all those missions

he can get a bit extravagant though like,, he has a closet full of things he kind of regrets buying (either that or he gifts them to people)

chuuya’s actually really good at cooking. he’s very much a healthy eater and likes to put effort into what he eats

he would actually love to cook for his friends he’s just too tsundere to admit that

him being a taurus gives him the makings of a mom friend and yet chuuya is reluctant to accept this

akutagawa ryuunosuke | pisces

ngl pisces are just very strange in general it’s so hard for me to put a finger on their personality

but one thing that i do notice a lot is that pisces tend to be very mature or sometimes very wise-sounding when they talk

and akutagawa does have that very mature and serious air when he talks to people. he’s very composed and articulate when he speaks

pisces also tend to be quite insecure and self-blaming (according to co-star their source of weakness is themselves yes i have the site up whenever i write)

and akutagawa, despite his strength, doesn’t see himself as powerful

it’s because he tends to remember a lot of past hurts and isn’t quite able to move on

likes to just have quiet time to himself to sip tea but it’s often interrupted by his own Thoughts so he goes back to look for work or something else to do

i feel like that akutagawa has this tendency to collect things that pique his interest. just little knickknacks from missions like a piece of glass or a really cool rock

has this tendency to just tune out when people are talking and then he’ll nod his head and pretend to understand

he’s re-enacted multiple scenarios in his head of dazai praising him for his growth somebody help him

ozaki koyou | capricorn

my love for capricorns is endless and that definitely extends to koyo ozaki

she exudes so much dignified energy i can feel it through my laptop screen and i bet it would be such a dream to work for her

she’s very organized and meticulous when it comes to her work i bet her brain is just full of important dates and to-do lists

that said, koyo likes to pay special attention to her appearance too, her attire, hair, and make-up just to match her overall put-together vibe

deliberately chose not to wear suits like everyone else in the mafia because she knows it’ll be too powerful

that said, capricorns are also very detached with their emotions and they like to keep things nice and ✨repressed✨

she’s not one to express affections or emotion outright because a) that would be a waste of time and b) why?

but she does value connections and relationships she’s built over time and won’t let go of things like those so easily

like her adopted son, koyo does like to indulge a bit in nice, expensive things

when she’s willing to give herself a break, she likes to unwind in a hot springs resort or buy herself a new kimono (her closet is immaculate btw)

that said, she probably has a billion pet peeves including but not limited to: people who chew gum real loud, when someone opens a door and doesn’t close it behind them, chewing while talking, the smell of coffee--

all of her fellow executives and mori take great pains to memorize these pet peeves so that they’re not under koyo’s death glare

▸ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ◂

taglist (check out my post for details on being part of my taglist): @waitforitillwritemywayout @atsumusdomain​​ @laure-chan @goodfoodxoxoxo ​ @guardianangelswings @ah-kaashi @amberalisa​ @whootwhoot​ @liz-multifandom-hotel​​ @kac-chowsballs​​ @violentfarewll @fyoyacanruinmylifethanks​

[catintheruemorgue]

ranpo x reader

warnings: mentions of suicide and a tiny mention of abortion also murder.

summary: ranpo comes to your work place to solve a crime.  

words:1.k next one (chuuya)

this is my first ever ranpo fic haha i hope i did him justice! anyways, i wanted to do a masterpost of songs i associate with these characters + small drabbles inspired by the songs but they all ended up being over 1k words. idk if i’ll even post another one.. maybe... i just really liked this one haha

lyrics from - Business Dog by The Voidz                            

Take me to your business place

I'm gonna be there twenty minutes late

I'm gonna fuck your face for breakfast

I love being weird, it's so weird

The office was a bit more somber when you got in as news that one of your colleagues jumped from the twentieth floor window. You didn’t really know them well but it was still sad that you couldn’t see they were hurting that bad. You ran around the office collecting papers for your boss when you ran into someone, almost dropping them in the process. 

“Hey watch where you’re walking!” 

You blinked a couple times before looking at him and standing up straight. 

“Never mind! Can you get me the person in charge? It’s so early I'd like to get this over with.” He whined and you cocked an eyebrow. 

Who was this guy? As if he could understand exactly what you were thinking he looked up at you and smirked.

“I am Edogawa Ranpo, only the best detective to ever live! I was called to prove your coworker didn't kill themselves!” His eyes were open and looking directly in his green eyes felt a bit too intimate but it wasn't the time to think like that.

“Ah! Yes detective, I can go get my boss right now.” You did a quick bow before throwing the papers you collected onto a random desk and ran off. 

You knocked on your bosses door and opened it. He sat with his back to you and a hand on his chin but then slowly turned to face you. You and your boss had an ok relationship, he respected you and you respected him. He motioned for you to speak.

“Sir, there is a detective here to see you.” 

He rolled his eyes before getting up.

“That Ranpo guy? He’s twenty minutes late.” 

He didn't say anything else to you before he slipped passed. It was weird as he had never dismissed you like that. You blamed it on the fact one of his workers just died. Turning around, you thought about how Ranpo had said that they hadn't killed themselves? Could that be true? You ran back out to the offices when it seemed like Ranpo and your boss were almost at a standoff. Or more like your boss was trying to assert dominance while the detective looked around the office for something. 

“Isn't this an office? Do you guys not keep candy bowls around?” He seemed distraught.

You perked up at that and walked to your desk, reaching into your top drawer you pulled out a bowl full of suckers. Ranpo beelined towards you and grabbed a couple before popping one into his mouth. You cringed. It was so early in the morning. 

“Excuse me detective but tell me you aren't just here to eat my employees candy. This is a business, we have work to do.” He seemed mad. 

“I’m eating candy because I already solved the crime!” Ranpo sounded confident even though the sucker muffled his voice a bit. 

Your boss's eyes widened and he seemed like he was about to physically kick the sherlock doppelganger out himself. 

“There is no crime! She killed herself, the police already investigated.” His voice got louder and your eyes grew. You had never seen him like this. 

Ranpo threw the clean stick from his candy on the floor and looked at your boss with venom in his eye.

“I'm not the normal police, they are always missing things and then leave it up to me, the greatest detective alive, to solve their mistakes. This wasn’t a suicide, it was a murder.” Your hand went up to your mouth.

“Murder? Who could do such a thing?” The words left your mouth in a whisper. 

Ranpo pointed right at your boss.

“Him.”

Leave it all to me, yeah

Just leave it to me, yeah

Leave it all to me, yeah

Make and model number, please

Your boss turned red but before he could say anything Ranpo continued. 

“Leave it all to me to solve the crime! I don't even need to use my Ultra Deduction for this!”

He walked back and forth in front of your desk as he explained.

“You were having an affair with her and she got pregnant. This wasn't on the record because you paid someone off. When she wouldn't abort it she threatened to tell your wife. Your wife owns more than fifty percent of this company, that would ruin you.” He stopped and thought for a bit.

“Anyone could tell she was with a child based on the calendar on her desk, she has doctors appointments scheduled that would match a pregnant woman. Also on the top is a number written for a midwife.” You were in awe, no wonder he was considered the greatest detective. 

Your boss shook before marching right up to Ranpo and when you thought he was going to hit him, he slammed his fist on your desk. You jumped while he just looked up at your boss with a smug look.

“I know it was your child because on her desk is a sticky note that says, “I love you always” with your initials signed at the bottom.” 

Everyone was silent as they looked on in shock.

“S-she would have ruined me.” He was quiet. 

“No, you did that yourself.” Ranpo gave him a smile as he was cuffed and taken out of the building. 

You sat there confused. You couldn't believe that just happened, it was supposed to be just a regular day of work. You snapped out of it when you realized Ranpo was still by your desk stealing all your lollipops. 

“Say, are you in charge now?” He was speaking to you.

“Um yeah, I think so?” 

“Great!” He slammed a piece of paper down. “I need you to take me to this address, the subway systems are so hard to figure out.” This man had no shame.

You grabbed your coat and put it on before nodding. As the doors of the elevator closed everyone in the office heard Ranpo loudly yell,

“Also you're hot, would you like to go get a cannoli with the greatest detective ever?” 

Yeah you were right this man really had no shame.

[applepride]

His Final Act.

TRIGGER WARNING: SU!C!D3

December 1th,

“Kunikida~” Dazai called in a sing-song tone.

The man in question was sitting at his desk, seemingly looking through documents from their last case. When he answered, he didn’t spare even a glance at his coworker. “What is it, Dazai?”

“I just was wondering if we were gonna put a tree up this year, you know for the holidays!”

“We only did that last year because we were hosting a western client. However,” Kunikida opened his notebook, “From what I gather, Atsushi-kun used to celebrate it in his orphanage, Yes?”

Dazai nodded.

“That's what I thought. Well, after our last case, I feel its best we apologise to him. He took half the blow while we stood by. So, I guess we will be having a tree.”

“Awesome!”

--

December 17th

Junichiro was walking to his desk in the office, back from lunch break quicker than everyone else, and found something quite strange.

“Dazai-san?”

“Hm?” Dazai looked up from his desk, pausing his movements. On his desk was a roll of wrapping paper, tape, and a few boxes.

“What are you doing?” Asked the ginger.

Dazai didn’t take a second, never faltered, and not once stopped what he’d been doing. “I’m wrapping presents of course!”

“Presents?”

“Yeah, for under the tree! I decided to give everyone something.”

“Oh’kay.”

Junichiro didn’t question the fact that his superior was happier than usual. So much so, he chalked it up to being the ‘holiday spirit’.

--

December 25th.

Since christmas wasn't a national holiday in Japan, most businesses stayed open. Like, the armed detective agency. That's why they were open and avid, working as per-usual. Save for Dazai.

“Bye, everyone! Don’t forget to bring home the gifts I gave you~”

This morning, they did have a small christmas party. Hot coco, eggnog, cookies, candycanes, etc. The whole nine yards. That included gift giving. But, Dazai had asked if everyone could wait until they left the office to open his gift.

.

.

.

Yosano, Akiko

When she left, she’d made sure to put the gift in her bag. Honestly, she almost forgot about it when she got home, if not for her cat.

Opening it, she was met with a knife. It looked like a western hunters knife, but one no less. The blade was hidden with a leather cover while the handle was out.

She picked up the letter that went along with it.

.

.

.

Kunikida, Dappo

Kunikida stared at the gift box in his hand, wondering what Dazai could have possibly got him that he would have needed to wait for. That was answered when he lifted the lid. It was Dazai’s black coat.

After Kunikida found out about Dazai having been in the port mafia, he was told about his coat. It was sleek black and full of red, blood, stains that you could only see a light outline of up close. Along with it was a check and a note. The check, Kunikida read, was for 100,000 yen. As for the reasoning on the check, For all the times you paid the bill.

Then, he read the note.

.

.

.

.

.

.

He left a letter for everyone, giving them each as well what he would have given in his will. Dazai thought about that fact, It’s funny. He always got to this point, maybe to this distance, but never at this level. He was sure most of them were going to cry once they read the letters, but that didn’t phase him. He was more concerned about the letter he left his ex-colleagues. He wondered if they would even care, Chuuya might not but would Ango?

He didn’t know. He only knew the scenery in front of him, he’d been here so many times, but this time he’d succeed.

He watched as the sun set, closing on this day. That's when he knew it was truly time. That's when he, Dazai Osamu, finally jumped. That was the end of his final act.

Yet, the only act had been his life.