#alice is deeply uncomfortable about talking about this

[goldeneyedgirl]

I have returned

My absence was medical-related, and now I'm back - and optimistic that things will get better now! So if you've been waiting for an email, DM, or ask response, I've actually got enough spoons to write! We have two new chapters on the way this month, so I cannot wait to get those finished.

Until then, have this weird fun little snippet from something I never really did anything with.

He’s sitting at his desk, working on the family financials when he hears their conversation - Bella and Alice. “You never fell in love?” Bella is curious, and the question - or at least, the ones that will follow - has been waiting to burst forth. It makes sense that she’d be curious. Alice is the last person anyone would expect to be alone. “I did once, but it didn’t work out,” Alice’s response is light and unexpected, and he immediately freezes. She doesn’t talk much about her life before she met him, and she’s certainly never mentioned any love affairs or a broken heart. “They weren’t interested.” “Oh, Alice,” the pity in Bella’s voice is cloying, and he can feel the embarrassment drift over Alice. “It was a long time ago, Bella. It’s not something that I think about very often. I know that they are safe and happy, and that’s all that really matters in the end.” There is definitely sadness in her voice now, and he wonders who it was. Who turned their back on her and left her alone and unprotected. “But didn’t you see that it wouldn’t work out?” He wants to ask Bella to stop talking, to leave Alice alone, but he is transfixed by this secret side of Alice, this secret history that not even he knew. “I saw us together and happy. And I got impatient, and decided to go to them early. I just wanted to skip to the good part, I guess. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out.”

[2rats1gogh]

I’ve never really seen anyone talking about this, but I noticed that one of the main reasons why I am team green is because team green feels like an actual team that is in this whole thing together.

Team Green feels connected, united, like a family.

Team Black on the other hand is… meh.

And let me explain why:

Rhaenyra being delusional and thinking that Daemon is actually in love with her when he literally just groomed her since she was a child because he has always been after her title and now wants to be her king consort. They have one of the most toxic, creepy and problematic relationships in the entire fucking show.

Then there is the very awkward and uncomfortable moment of Rhaenyra and Daemon having sex on Laena’s funeral, while Rhaenys, Corlys, Baela, Rhaena and Laenor are mourning the loss of their daughter, mother and sister. How fucking disrespectful is this. And then the fact that they have Laenor “killed” just so they can get married and have their own perfectly blonde targaryen babies.

And Rhaenyra lying about Jace, Luke and Joff to everyone in her very own “team”, trying to gaslight not only Corlys, and Rhaenys but also her own sons into thinking they are trueborn, when even Jace himself. as a child, starts asking questions.

Then there are obviously Rhaenys and Corlys, who for some fucking reason neglected their trueborn granddaughters in favor of some dark haired white bastards their daughter-in-law is trying to pass off as their son’s children. Rhaenys is trying sooo hard to please her misogynistic husband because he so desperately wants his name to go down in history. Then the disrespectful betrothal of Jace and Luke to Baela and Rhaena. Rhaenyra is literally robbing these poor girls of their rightful claim to Driftmark and usurping them. And now, with Luke being dead, Rhaena’s claim dies with him.

Baela and Rhaena losing their mother, and now their father suddenly remarries, and has two blonde boys. Rhaenys losing BOTH her children and then seeing her son-in-law and daughter-in-law getting married soon after that.

Everyone in team black is after their own ambitions. They lie to each other, they don’t trust each other, they suspect each other in different things, they cheat on each other (with each other) and lie about it, they give each other forced ultimatums, and yada yada. All their scenes feel forced, tense, awkward and uncomfortable. They look so miserable with each other.

Team Green in this sense is the exact opposite.

Although their dynamic is far from perfect, obviously, you cannot deny that they care about each other very very deeply.

Alicent loves all of her children, and even while acknowledging their flaws, she still loves them.

Aemond might’ve been a little envious of Aegon, but he would never turn his back on him. He would never betray his brother, be would never try to take his crown from him.

Aegon was far from being a perfect man and king, but, as we know, it was his love for his family, and the fear of them getting hurt that made him a more responsible person and a more protective father, husband and brother. Sure, he is a cheater, but at least he’s honest about it and doesn’t lie to his wife. He is not a hypocrite.

Criston is working for Alicent not for ambition or for self-gain, but because he genuinely loves her, whether it’s romantic or platonic, doesn’t matter.

Helaena would never betray her family, her brothers, her mother. They are all she has. She would never switch sides even if given an opportunity.

And even Otto, arguably one of the main villains of the whole show, still loves his family. Sure, he is ambitious, but he would never become Corlys level of ambitious.

Team Green feels like they are fighting against the enemy all together, they have the same goals, they feel united and you can feel their devotion to each other. Especially after blood and cheese, when they become closer than ever. They’re in this together and only if they stick to each other, they can make it. It feels genuine and honest. They don’t hide anything from each other, they always have their loved ones’ best interests at heart, they would never in a million years betray each other. Yes, they are all doomed from the start, but their dedication and love to each other is truly something else.

[feminist-furby-freak]

We need to talk about how men weaponize their marginalized identities to harass and manipulate women.

I recently was talking with a friend (for context she is biracial and black but often white passing) who was being harassed by the guy in the seat next to her on a long train ride. He was trying to get her number and get her to agree to go out with him and she kept refusing. Eventually he asked if it was because he was black and if she was being racist. He told her if he was a white man she would have no problem giving her his number. I’ve experienced pretty similar situations a few times. The first time this happened I was maybe 14 (for context I am white) and came home bawling that I had been racist against some man for turning down his advances. My mom was like, first of all you’re literally a child and second of all someone’s identity doesn’t entitle them to you. Ever. As progressive/left-leaning people who care deeply about issues of racism it can be hard to acknowledge the fact that SOME men of color or men of other marginalized identities knowingly use that fact against women. And to be clear this is not to diminish the history of racism and the ways white women have historically harmed (and still can) black men. But stuff like this needs to be talked about even though it is uncomfortable. Victims shouldn’t be expected to stay quiet because it might hurt marginalized men. Some activists condemned Alice Walker for publishing The Color Purple and writing about (black) male violence because they said it would hurt black men. Many of us know about the unrealistic standard of the “perfect victim” but what about the “perfect perpetrator.” You might have seen the recent case where a woman came forward after being assaulted by a black trans identified man and thousands of people were telling her she shouldn’t have called the police because he’s marginalized and at risk. As if her actual experience as a victim matters less than his potential for being victimized. Obviously other groups of men can do this as well (I know a woman who was coerced into sex by a disabled man who used that to manipulate her) but this is just the example I’ve experienced recently. My post about trans identified men weaponizing their transness to sleep with women has gotten a lot of attention and I just wanted to address other ways male entitlement plays out.

[queenvhagar]

One of the things that bothers me about how Rhaenyra is portrayed in the show is that it doesn’t really capture how deeply her daughter’s and Luke’s deaths affect her. Aside from the first episode, where she does look exhausted, the rest of the season makes it seem as though their deaths haven’t deeply affected her. If the writers wanted to keep the focus away from constantly mentioning her losses, they should have made sure the weight of those events hung over her in a more subtle way. But instead, Rhaenyra often seems too well put together. While Emma looks absolutely stunning this season, Rhaenyra doesn't come across as a grieving mother. Even when she’s poring over scrolls, searching for Targaryen connections in other royal families, or dealing with members of her council, she appears too well put together, even in moments of anger and stress (that slap feels like it came out of nowhere). After the traumatic birth of her daughter and the way Luke died, you’d expect her to look physically and emotionally worn out. I understand that the show wants to present her as a powerful figure, but it’s reached a point where she’s not relatable. Take the scene where she wakes up to talk to Alicent; Rhaenyra looks almost ethereal. Her braid is flawless, her face looks well-rested, and she’s far too put together for someone who’s been woken up so early. I’m not saying she shouldn’t take care of herself, but it would be more believable if we could see that she’s going through something really tough.

I still can't get over the fact that Rhaenyra goes through an absurdly traumatic stillbirth of her daughter... this trauma to her body and her recovery from this birth being a reason in the books for why she was physically unable to engage in battle early on... only for the show to have her, literally a day or two after pushing a baby out, decide to hop on her dragon, fly out to meet an enemy emissary, and then easily and quickly dismount. Like for a lack of a better term... ma'am your hoo ha? Imagine riding a horse after giving birth but the ride has way more rough movement and a landing on the ground to experience. Afterbirth recovery is painful and uncomfortable and it would be especially so for such an awful experience as the one Rhaenyra went through, yet it's completely disregarded for an unnecessary girlboss moment that just breaks immersion.

And it continues when they retcon her look of war at the end of season 1 and have her forget all about her stillbirth and the death of Lucerys after a couple of episodes. Her grief and bodily trauma should have been an easy way for the writers to explain Rhaenyra's inaction in this part of the story and the ways her council *could* have tried to take advantage of her in this state. But then they just... never used it... and instead she instantly recovers from birth and has completed the grieving process on speedrun and her inaction is solely due to her desire for *peace* in a war she is actively pursuing to win a throne because her father said it was hers...

It really makes such little sense.

[aemondsbabe]

If you want to share, thoughts on tonight's episode? As usual, Aemond's scenes especially and how they affect who he is?

I really don't wanna see him as someone who only cares about himself or is apathetic :/ but idk... What do you think?

putting my answers under the cut bc they contain spoilers from the newest ep and will probably be long bc idk when to shut up (◡‿◡✿)

first small council scene:

i’m only going to be speaking about his interactions with alicent in that scene, particularly the bit at the very end where he and alicent are alone! idc about those other men, so sorry!!!!

anyway.

after they’re alone, he asks alicent of her place on the council. she reminds him. he says viserys is dead without fanfare or remorse, no pause, no thinking — dead. which makes sense.

however, there is quite a pregnant pause when he gets to aegon. if aemond truly wanted his brother dead, truly meant to hurt him, and didn’t care that he had succeeded, idk why he’d pause there or act as if he cared. maybe because alicent is there but even that i doubt a little — he doesn’t hold himself back from saying anything else in her presence and she (probably) thinks he hurt aegon on purpose already so it doesn’t make sense to me why he wouldn’t just say that, whether it’s true or not.

like the guy looks visibly uncomfortable talking about aegon’s condition. if he didn’t care for aegon, at least a little, and if he wanted him dead…. why would he care now that he’s hurt? why would that make him uncomfortable? he doesn’t even know at this point that aegon’s regained consciousness, that doesn’t come until later in the episode, so it isn’t a matter of “aegon’s awake and i’m scared of what he’ll say.”

later in this same conversation, alicent cups his cheek and the emotion on his face is a lil staggering dare i say. the man was near tears. in my mind, this is him very clearly mourning the relationship he once had with his mother. i think he feels compelled to punish her in a way because i think he sees her actions as of late as abandonment.

again, i go back to that conversation he had with criston in episode 1. he’s upset that alicent is giving rhaenyra any leeway. rhaenyra, the mother of the boys that took his eye. rhaenyra, the woman who wanted him tortured. rhaenyra, the woman who threatens his family. of course alicent giving her any grace would hurt him deeply, especially since she was the only one who stood up for him that night.

if anything, i think aemond’s main source of pain right now is alicent. i think much of his actions and inactions this entire season have hinged on alicent. which is quite tragic and lovely at the same time idk.

anyway.

the scene with aegon:

i’ve made this point before and i’m making it again because this scene further solidified it for me: i think the entire thing with aegon is brothers bickering.

again, those brothers are powerful people. a king and a prince — both with dragons — so it’s different than the sibling bickering we’re used to but i still think that’s what it is.

again, aemond couldn’t premeditate hurting aegon. he didn’t know he and sunfyre would be at rook’s rest. he didn’t even know meleys and rhaenys would be at rook’s rest. i think that little groan he did when he saw aegon fly in, and him calling him and idiot, was him essentially going “you fucking idiot i told you this was stupid and here you are being stupid.” i don’t think it was necessarily malicious — aemond quite clearly thinks highly of himself and his abilities and is pretty quick to look down on others he deems lesser in any way. i think that was aemond being aemond.

i’m not going to sit here and say that he was an angel to go to aegon and that the scene between them was so cute and soft because it wasn’t.

BUT.

i think it’s brothers bickering. it reminded me heavily of when you’re fighting with a sibling and you hit them too hard and now they’re crying and mom is literally walking over and we have to get the story straight because you are NOT getting me in trouble!!! it gave those vibes.

aside from that, i think much of aemond’s character revolves around how he looks to others and how he is perceived. if he came out and just said “what happened with aegon was an accident and i feel bad,” that’s him 1) admitting fault and admitting he made a mistake and 2) in his mind, that’s him being vulnerable and non threatening and therefore, we cannot do that.

if anything, i think he’s playing into the fact that i’m sure that more than a few people think he hurt aegon on purpose and using that to his advantage in order to seem more formidable and scary and vicious. that’s why i wish we got more scenes of him being genuinely vulnerable whether it’s more brothel scenes or more scenes of him just by himself — to give us a glimpse of actual not put upon aemond because i think that aemond is worlds different than how he presents himself in public.

again, i think he cares deeply about very many things and doesn’t have a healthy, effective way of showing that.

thank you anon for coming to my tedtalk i am sorry this is literally like a whole novel 😭😅🩷

[dulcewrites]

I'm sorry I sent a question that I didn't finished to write 😭😭 anyway I was wondering if maybe you could write a one shot with Daemon Targeryen or with Aemond Targaryen. The reader has a bad nightmare which leads to a panic attack and her lover comforts her

Patience and Premonitions

Pairing : Aemond Targaryen x reader

Summary: Since finding out you’re with child, you’ve been having the strangest nights

A/N: soooo I’ve been super obsessed with the idea of dragon dreamers. I wanted to play around with the reader possibly about to birth to one, and through that having dreams/nightmares herself. It was nice writing Aemond as an attentive husband/future father. Also THANK YOU guys for getting me to 1,000 🥺🥺. I don’t know how to celebrate but I want to. Maybe more request or even headcanons??? Let me know if you guys have ideas 🫶🏽

Fool me once pt2

For you always

They start the same.

The nightmares always start with a babe’s cry. You’re trying to help the babe but you can’t; you can’t reach them. Then comes the fire, and dragon’s cry. You don’t recognize the dragon, it’s greenish purple scales like nothing you have ever seen. The blazing heat overwhelming you. It’s sensory overload, from the crying to the fire. It only ends when you wake up, normally in a pile of your own sweat.

Easy sleep was not something you came by lately. During the beginning of your pregnancy all you did was sleep. Now as time to the deliver the babe looms closely, an uncomfortable ache takes your body. Add nerve shattering nightmares to the equation, and you have a recipe for never getting sleep.

You are short of breath when you finally wake. Chest tight and vision blurry as you sit up in the bed. Your chambers only being lit by the full moon that shines through the curtains and the few candles in corner of the room.

“Another bad one?”

You husband’s voice cuts through the room as you try to calm yourself down. A hand begins to rub your back soothingly.

“I need you to breathe my love… slowly,” Aemond sits up. You start to breathe in deeply through your nose, eyes fluttering shut.

The room becomes silent again as you try to regulate your breathing.

“I’m starting to think we need to talk to the maester about this,” his tone is soft but worry is laced throughout. You open your eyes, and shake your head.

“I do not think Maester Archibald had remedies for bad dreams.”

Despite his cool nature, Aemond is a worrier at heart. His need to have things in order only grew after you became pregnant. It is your first child together, and the first time you’ve ever carried a babe. His other hand goes to your belly, and he leans down to kiss your shoulder.

“You know your mother told me something interesting over breakfast today,” you start nuzzling your face against his. “She said she had vivid, sometimes scary, dreams when she carried Helaena.”

You leave out the heartbreaking part of when your stepmother told you she never told anyone because she did not think anyone would care. She went through her all pregnancies with a heavy heart, and now raises her children virtually alone. You are young, but not as young as Queen Alicent was when she had Aegon. And at least you have strong support system, and an attentive husband. The whole thing makes you resent King Viserys even more than you already did.

“It had me thinking. What if the babe is trying to tell me something… the way Helaena tries to tell us stuff,” you continue.

Aemond doesn’t reply right away, clearly in deep thought. Helaena’s prophecies are often fuzzy premonitions. Things that never fit perfectly till after they happen. Like the riddle she told you about blessings that can not be seen right away. Two moons later, you find out about your baby.

“Another dreamer in the family. Gods help us,” he whispers. You laugh as you move your hand to his on your stomach. Your hands interlock. “Dragon dreamers are a blessing. Special.”

“How much more special do you Targaryens need to get,” you nudge him playfully. “I already have to worry about you riding Vhagar, and now I have to worry about a dragon riding, prophecy having child.”

“You have blood of the dragon growing in you. You’re a Targaryen my dear wife.”

You hum softly as both of you look over at the warm incubator carrying your babe’s egg. Soft crackling emitting.

“I hope the egg hatches,” Aemond’s voice sounds distant.

Your child growing up without a dragon is a fear that permeates through Aemond. Though you were not around for it, you know how much not having one growing up affected him. How it still haunts him even now as the rider of the largest dragon in the world. The tension was always under the surface, but his claiming of Vhagar and the lost of his eye left a permanent division in the family. He still feels the affects of it to this day.

“If it does not, we will just have to remind them that everything happens in due time,” you squeeze his hand. “And lucky for them, they have the perfect father to guide them through it.”

His lips find yours, and he kisses you softly. You two exchanged whispered I love you’s before he sighs wistfully.

“Let’s get you and byka zaldrīzes to sleep.”

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

How would Twilight have changed if it was Bella/Jasper/Alice instead of Bella/Jacob/Edward/Alice

We'll pretend Bella smells normal, as Edward would never be normal about Bella if she didn't.

Canon doesn't happen.

Bella gets turned into a vampire immediately, as soon as Alice sees an opening, which is going to be when she's on transit to Forks before she arrives so that a disappearance is never remotely linked with the Cullens who would never have met her. "Jasper, I'm getting us a wife :D" Alice tells him one morning, much to Jasper's surprise.

There's much drama in the Cullen family as Alice out of nowhere has turned herself a bride, who is the chief of police's only daughter and he and the entire town are grieving, Edward tries to defend Alice's behavior as she's Alice and not Rosalie and her visions must have told her this was the future but... Emmett at least had been mauled by a bear and was dying, Alice plucked this teenage girl out of an airport. This is too spicy even for Edward's support of Alice and so he chooses to blame Bella for ruining everything.

Rosalie thinks Alice is the very devil despite having done something similar herself with Emmett, as, again, at least Emmett was dying and had no other options. Alice just straight up kidnapped this girl then told her she can never see her family again and is dressing her up like a doll. What the fuck, Alice?

Esme tries to be supportive though this is, um, a bit of a mess.

Carlisle wants to think Alice had a reason for doing this, that this is mate bullshit again, but he's deeply uncomfortable with all of this and trying to find ways to speak with Bella and ask if she really wants to be here. (Sadly, her only other option is eating people or the Denali, and those are terrible options Carlisle wouldn't want to offer but when you compare it to being kidnapped and turned into the Bride of Dracula then maybe a terrible option is better than this option).

Emmett's keeping out of this mess and playing both sides by agreeing with Rosalie when she talks to him and agreeing with Alice when she talks to him. This will blow over in a few months, he hopes.

As for Jasper, he's still wrapping his head around Alice telling him he's going to make love to this woman he's never met. He did it once before with Alice, but now he's married to Alice. Is this cheating? Was he going to cheat, and this was what Alice saw as the solution? Jasper isn't even sure he likes this Bella Swan as everything's too chaotic for him to even talk to her properly. He must because Alice says he loves her, but--when?

Bella, of course, is very confused and torn between being enthralled at having entered a fairy tale where she's spirited away to a beautiful creature's castle, where she's then a beautiful creature too, and being terrified because she's been turned into a beautiful creature and wait this isn't how Beauty and the Beast was supposed to go! Bella should have months, months, to get to know the beast and the enchanted castle before anything happens!

"We skipped that part," Alice assures her.

Alice then gaslights Bella into believing that she is in love with Alice and Jasper both, and she should definitely have threesomes with them, while also gaslighting Jasper that she forgives Jasper for being in love with Bella because Alice is in love with Bella too.

Bella decides this is a great, modern, progressive fairy tale she's found herself in.

[navree]

I saw your post from a while ago were you rewrote hotd using the vague outline of the show can i ask what your ideal hotd season 1 would be like keeping the same episode count but ignoring everything else???

So, I'm gonna assume that by HOTD you do still mean the vaguest "it's about the Dance of Dragons" plot because honestly my ideal HOTD show would have been a Conquest show because those are my babies and I have a LOT of thoughts and it's a crying shame that HBO did not hire me for it (which I can get into in how I'd make that show if you want, lol). But, assuming we're doing the Dance, then I'll explain how season 1 would go from my perspective.

(also apologies, I just got back from a sushi restaurant with my mother and I'm two cocktails deep so there may be some grammatical errors)

Episode One - I'll just link back to what I wrote in this response, because that's still the same. I actually really like the bones of the show, especially changing the Rhaenicent relationship to make it what it is, I think that is more interesting for a longform narrative like a TV show. But basically, the pilot is entirely the same except for the fact that 1) Daemon and Mysaria get an introduction that's just them observing one of Mysaria's customers behind a curtain, being voyeuristic and conniving but not engaging themselves and 2) there is no prophecy. Verbatim from my first response: "I'm not against the idea that Aegon might have had ulterior motives beyond simple Conquest, and we know that Targaryens are capable of having prophetic abilities, but no this should not have been a secret passed down through generations for some fucking reason because that's stupid. And most importantly, considering that HOTD needed to succeed in spite of Game of Thrones, not because of it, because of how awful the last season was and how immediately it faded from the public consciousness and stopped being relevant as a result, the show should honestly not be so frequently be calling back to a disappointing aspect of the show. "A Targaryen must be seated on the Iron Throne" ok but she wasn't and the Long Night ended because some rando had a good ten yard jump according to D&D cuz they wanted to "subvert expectations" stop reminding me of that if I want to be enjoying this new show." Not to mention that it doesn't make sense because the succession was shot to Hell almost immediately for the Targaryens, Aenys likely would have passed that secret down to Aegon the Uncrowned, who died before he could tell anyone anything, Jaehaerys was an unlikely heir, he didn't know about any prophecy, God this was dumb. Also, again, Rhaenys would get her own introduction, I imagine maybe visiting her cousin Aemma as she nears labor when Viserys comes in, ranting about something that happened at the Small Council, where Rhaenys gets an opportunity to show better political acumen and make it clear that Viserys was the wrong choice for the crown.

Episode Two - This is the first episode where we hear Otto talk to Alicent about going to the king for comfort, that would be nixed from the first episode. As with the show, we see that Alicent is deeply uncomfortable with this, and there's gonna be a lot more emphasis on Viserys's own manipulation and how it parallels modern ways men groom young girls, talking about not telling anyone cuz they wouldn't understand, pointing out Alicent's maturity especially when compared to Rhaenyra (who is her age), etc. Meanwhile, the plot on Dragonstone is one that Daemon and Mysaria hatch together, albeit for different reasons (Daemon to get Viserys's attention, Mysaria because she can see that tensions might be starting to boil over and wants to protect herself as best she can). The pregnancy is a fake, but the only one who really starts to think that is the Velaryons, particularly Rhaenys. She would get a scene at Driftmark with Corlys, to showcase again that she's really in touch with politics, where she believes that this is both a ploy to shore up power and get Viserys's attention, while both Corlys and her children listen in (this will be important later). Rhaenyra, meanwhile, is clearly struggling with her role as heir, and we'd get scenes showcasing that no one really takes her seriously and even Viserys still just sees her as a cupbearer rather than an heir. The only person, ironically, who really seems to want to help her and who she leans on for support in learning how to do things, like appointing Kingsguard knights (which happens same as the show), is Otto. She really leans on Otto, as not just the Hand of the King but her friend's father, who she believes has her best interests at heart. The episode still ends the same though, with Viserys announcing in Council, in front of Rhaenyra (though he's never consulted her this time) that he will marry Alicent, to her shock and horror.

Episode Three - Not to be self-indulgent, but the bulk of this episode is going to be like my fic Spring's End, because I was correct in everything I wrote here so go read that also because I wrote it in like two days and it somehow turned out semi-coherent. That's the main crux of the episode, focusing on Alicent's reaction and really hammering home things like Viserys's inappropriate behavior, Otto's love in conflict with his ambition, and the tension between her increasingly important but isolated status at court, as well as starting the sort of Lancelot and Guinevere relationship she will have with Criston. Meanwhile, Rhaenyra is spiraling, hard, about the fact that her father is marrying her friend and still not taking her seriously, along with feeling like she was duped by Otto in that he allowed her to depend on him while seemingly scheming to get someone else on the throne in her place. And it's in this mindset that Rhaenyra decides to go to Dragonstone to confront Daemon herself, without any backup. The two have a heated verbal confrontation about Daemon's antics, and Viserys naming Rhaenyra heir, and even the fact that it doesn't matter, because he's marrying Alicent Hightower, and Rhaenyra has a moment where she tells him that Alicent will likely have sons, and Daemon will never be heir. This clearly cuts to Daemon, and he just decides to give up the dragon eggs and turns away. Rhaenyra has scored a victory, and she feels triumphant, but also hollow (foreshadowing). Daemon meanwhile decides to send Mysaria away, and it's left debatable how much is just because his plan failed and also because he does feel he's put her in danger for nothing, and decides to go to Driftmark. Back at King's Landing, Viserys learns of what Rhaenyra has done during dinner, and summons her to lambast her about it, before Alicent cuts in and points out that Rhaenyra diffusing the situation, while careless, did avoid a conflict that could hurt innocent civilians (this would precipitate the semi-reconciliation that shows up later). Viserys here is clearly torn between a sort of pride in his daughter, but also feeling that she behaved badly, and Rhaenyra is still angry at him but wants his approval. On Driftmark, Daemon and Corlys disparage Viserys and make plans to at least go deal with the Triarchy, which, while not hyped up nearly as much in the show, has at least been mentioned. Daemon also has a moment with Laena Velaryon, who here is the same age as Alicent and Rhaenyra. They notice Vhagar in the distance, talk about dragons and freedom, and Laena makes plain that she intends to claim a dragon for herself, as her mother's daughter, even dropping names like the Cannibal, which certainly piques Daemon's interest. The wedding between Viserys and Alicent goes off, though we are getting that deleted scene where Rhaenyra helps Alicent get ready, because I really wish we could have seen that or at least been told it happened before I wrote Spring's End.

Episode Four - Queen Alicent is pregnant, near term, and the court is alight with speculation as to whether it will be a princess or a prince. Rhaenyra is unsure of how to feel about it, and is trying to navigate the friendship, uncertain though it is, with the fact that Alicent is now the queen. She's gotten closer to Criston Cole, who seems to be primarily on bodyguard duty for the queen or the princess depending on the day, as well as Laena Velaryon, who is at court with her mother, who has informally taken Corlys's place on the Small Council now that he's in the Stepstones with Daemon; this is another way to show that Rhaenys is better at this than Viserys, and there are even moments where the Council is more in agreement with her than him. Meanwhile, the Stepstones aren't gonna be touched on much beyond maybe the final battle and some occasional references, except to show Daemon's military prowess and also Corlys's brilliance in strategy, as well as Corlys's frequent correspondences with Rhaenys, to highlight their cohesion. Meanwhile, in King's Landing, the Strongs have also arrived at the capital. Rhaenyra sees Harwin doing, idk, horse stuff or something medieval and masculine, and is quite taken with him, and they strike up some conversations. Larys, with his disability, finds himself interacting with the ladies of court most, especially Alicent, and the two form a sort of friendship surrounding engaging each other's minds, and they both enjoy that they're the only ones who seem to treat the other as an actual person, rather than the pregnant wife or the disabled second son. Rhaenyra's frank and open conversations with Harwin, on the other hand, embolden her, and we get that scene where she seduces Criston, and there's a lot more play with the fact that Criston is interested and does want it, but is held back by vows before giving in to desire (also, we're just going to put a lot more emphasis on Criston's religious convictions in this version of the show, especially during his convocation in episode two when he joins the Kingsguard). Towards the end of the episode, Alicent goes into labor. Viserys and Rhaenyra share a bonding moment about their worries for Alicent's safety and the reminders of Aemma and what happened to her, and for a moment it looks as though Viserys is goign to tell Rhaenyra what he did to her mother. Rhaenyra also gets a moment where she holds Alicent's hand during labor, and we see her simultaneous love for Alicent in that as well as her clear discomfort with the concept of this being her own fate. And then Alicent delivers a son, a direct challenge to Rhaenyra's claim.

Episode Five - A big thing that's going to happen in this episode is that this is where Laena claims Vhagar. She's at Driftmark for it (foreshadowing) and, given that we've seen her in episodes three and four, it becomes clear that Vhagar is following Laena specifically. So we get to see the claiming, and Laena's own power in that. That's something that, as Daemon returns to Driftmark with Corlys, he's going to learn about, and he's going to be very intrigued by that, and taken with Laena. Another thing we're going to see is Corlys's negotiations with allies he made in Essos during his time away, arranging a betrothal between Laena and the son of the Sealord of Braavos. Rhaenyra's plotline, on the other hand, is going to be about her asserting her own power, especially now that her father has a trueborn son named Aegon Targaryen, which is a direct threat. She has a moment with her father where she directly tells him that, as his heir, she's not just going to be his cupbearer, but deserves a seat at his Small Council. He acquiesces, and Rhaenyra butts heads with Otto a lot, and pushes hard for Harwin Strong to be made captain of the Gold Cloaks, and succeeds. This is coincides with Otto hearing rumors that Rhaenyra has been behaving inappropriately with men, especially Harwin and Criston Cole. He discusses these with Alicent, who refuses to believe that of both Criston and Rhaenyra, given that Criston is spending more time with her as her bodyguard as he struggles with his "sin". She does have that scene in the godswood with Rhaenyra, but instead of issues with Daemon, it's just saying that there are rumors spreading about her behavior and that Rhaenyra must have care with her reputation. Rhaenyra figures out it's Otto who's informing Alicent, and the mood here is complex; Alicent does want to look out for Rhaenyra but also wants to ascertain the truth, and Rhaenyra both sees and feels emotional about Alicent's care but also isn't sure if she can trust Alicent. Rhaenyra keeps that moment where she swears on the memory of her mother that nothing untoward happened, but this time it's an out and out lie, to showcase the way she handles issues that might harm her and her position, lie and deny (foreshadowing). There's also gonna be a scene, before the godswood, where Rhaenyra and Alicent talk about motherhood, and we see more of Rhaenyra's complex feelings on the topic, and she does admit she was worried Alicent would die in childbirth like Aemma.

Episode Six - It's Aegon's name day, and we can clearly see that Alicent is pregnant again, not as far along as she is in the show during episode three but at least starting to have a bump. And it's here that Daemon decides to make his return to court, and dramatically offer Viserys his crown and say that any title about the Narrow Sea means nothing to him, because Viserys is his true king. I'd add a lot more scenes of Viserys and Daemon in this episode, because remember, we haven't seen them interact since the first episode, and also to really highlight how there is a genuine affection here, especially on Daemon's part. Daemon and Rhaenyra also reconnect, and have a lot of conversations in the vein we see in the original episode 4, talking about how they can do whatever they want because they're Targaryens. It's heavily flirtatious, and we do get that scene of Daemon taking Rhaenyra into the city. Here, there is more an emphasis on Daemon really just wanting Rhaenyra to enjoy herself, since we'd have another scene between him and Laena at court, though more stilted because her intended, the son of the Sealord, is here too. But after that scene where the commons show more enthusiasm for baby Aegon than her, Rhaenyra and Daemon return, and Rhaenyra has a blunt moment about her struggles to be taken seriously. It gets pretty hot and heavy, and it's not in a private room, but one of the corridors. And lo and behold, who hears about it, but Otto. And this time, he takes his issues to the king, who does summon Rhaenyra to discuss it. Rhaenyra turns it around on Viserys, accusing him of abandoning her now that he has a son, and mentions that Otto has been spreading rumors not just about her and Daemon, but her and Harwin and her and Criston, and that she feels that Otto is no friend to the crown if he's going to impugn her own honor this way. Viserys discusses these allegations with Alicent as she's taking care of him, in earshot of Criston, who is horrified about being found out. But we get that moment from the show, where Alicent goes to bat for Rhaenyra, and points out that maybe Daemon was spreading some rumors himself. An emotionally exhausted Rhaenyra also gets a scene with Rhaenys, and they discuss the concept of being allowed to inherit, of inhabiting a man's position even though they are not men and cannot act like it, and the nature of Targaryens vs other Westerosi. Also there's a scene this ep in reference to a deleted scene from the original show where Rhaenyra is playing with toddler Aegon and getting him to say her name, a sweet moment between a brother and sister.

Episode Seven - Helaena has been born and is a few months old, and Rhaenyra and Otto are butting heads on the Small Council more and more, and as Daemon and Rhaenyra continue to spend time together, Otto continues to bring his concerns to the king. Eventually, Viserys fires Otto as the Hand, at Rhaenyra's insistence, and we do get that scene from the show between Otto and Alicent where he stresses that he doesn't think Rhaenyra could ever ascend, and that whole bit Rhys Ifans was talking about with how Otto wants to say "I love you and I'm scared for you" but doesn't know how. Alicent, feeling vexed that there are rumors about Daemon's behavior but nothing is happening, strongly urges Viserys to also send Daemon back to the Vale with Rhea Royce, saying that his habits endanger the Targaryens by engendering enmity in the smallfolk who feel that he's just allowed to act with impunity. Viserys also agrees to this, which Rhaenyra is not happy about, since it feels like Alicent removed an ally to her for no reason. Criston, meanwhile, we see continue to spiral about his tryst to Rhaenyra and the fallout of the lies involved, and goes to Alicent to ask if he can be in her service, and not have to spend time with Rhaenyra anymore. Alicent, who can see that he's upset about something, readily agrees, which drives a further wedge between her and Alicent. Rhaenyra turns to Laena Velaryon, who isn't particularly enthused about her betrothal to the son of the Sealord, and also to Harwin Strong just as a companion. After dinner with Laena and Rhaenys, Rhaenyra decides that she needs to take a husband to solidify her claim, especially with gossip at court that the king still summons the queen to his bedchamber in spite of having two children, which Rhaenyra does remain disgusted by. She goes to Viserys with the proposal that she tour the realm to find a suitable husband for the heir to the Iron Throne, and Viserys says nothing about her using that title, but agrees.

Episode Eight - Rhaenyra has been touring the Kingdoms, trying to find a husband, and it's not going well. She does go to the Vale, under the auspices of looking for a husband from that area, but mostly still to talk with Daemon. Laena also frequents the Vale, and the three of them tend to race their dragons, and Rhaenyra does notice that there's a simmering attraction between Laena and Daemon, which she calls Daemon out on, saying that, as Princess, she has no interest in playing second fiddle before she eventually departs the Vale. This leaves Daemon to confront what he does actually want out of a potential alliance with the Velaryons and the longstanding attraction with Laena (and maybe this leads him to killing Rhea? i'm conflicted on that one honestly but she does die in this episode, either accidentally like in the book or in a murkier version of what Daemon did in the show, maybe him just spooking her horse without bashing her head in with a rock). In King's Landing, Viserys grows increasingly infirm due to his various Iron Throne issues (yes I'm keeping that), and as such, Alicent has started accompanying him to Small Council meetings, which a lot of people are conflicted about. At first, we see her not doing much, but she eventually starts speaking out more and more. And at one point in the episode, Viserys is going to have an amputation, one that lays him up in bed for a bit, and Alicent still attends the Small Council in his place to speak for him. When someone points out that it is the Hand who speaks for the king, Alicent retorts that who knows the king better, and can thus speak for him best, than his own wife and, crucially (and the first time she ever flexes like this) the mother of his only son. At Driftmark, Rhaenys is back to ruling there, given that Corlys is back on the Small Council, and is definitely bitter about it. That's when Rhaenyra arrives, and offers a proposal: that she marry Laenor, and their first son be a Targaryen heir, while the others would stand to inherit Driftmark and other Velaryon properties as Velaryons. Rhaenys agrees to this, only writing a letter of the proposal to Corlys after she's done so to inform him that it's happening. Rhaenyra also gets more moments with Harwin in this episode, to build up to their relationship, and an important moment comes when she confides her issues with childbirth and childrearing after watching what it did to her mother.

Episode Nine - Rhaenyra arrives and is a bit weirded out to learn that Alicent is now on the Small Council too. The first meeting they have, where Rhaenyra discusses her marriage to Laenor, is a bit tense between them, and definitely awkward, but there's still an attempt at politeness. Rhaenyra has her talk with Laenor about different tastes, but she does also stress the importance that she does need an heir, so there will need to be duties performed on occasion to create one. Laena, meanwhile, is very not happy about Laenor's marriage and the bargain it includes, talking to her mother about how, if Rhaenyra can be the heir to the Iron Throne regardless of gender, then she, as Laenor's older sister, should be the one to inherit Driftmark and be the Lady of the Tides, and so should her own children. Rhaenys says that it's not going to happen, that Rhaenyra is only a solitary exception due to Targaryen nature, and Laena bluntly puts that it's a ridiculous thing to have it only be Rhaenyra, and that what would be the point of it at all if it didn't lead to larger change, otherwise the entire enterprise is doomed to failure (foreshadowing). Back in King's Landing, Criston Cole, whose arc this season has been about his religious convictions and how it feels to have betrayed those and seen the fallout, eventually cracks and confesses to Alicent, doing that whole "it's my sin but as a clement queen give me a quick death" moment. And Alicent is again betrayed at the fact that Rhaenyra lied, and the fallout from that lie for her and what that means about Rhaenyra. Rhaenyra, meanwhile, has a late night talk with Harwin about having to choose a husband when there wouldn't be an expectation of her to choose a wife if she were a man, and Harwin is genuinely sympathetic, leading to a spontaneous kiss. When the rehearsal dinner happens later, Rhaenyra is dressed in her house colors, dramatic Targaryen red and black, but Alicent arrives in a dazzling green dress, the colors of Oldtown at war. She gives a smile to Hightower relatives, yes, but the conversation about how she's grown into queenship is actually had with Tyland Lannister, who we'd have seen her interact with on occasion at the Small Council. Rhaenyra clocks Alicent's coolness towards her, and the two have a private moment when left alone on the dais while Viserys does, idk, something, and Alicent makes a cold callback to Rhaenyra swearing on Aemma's memory, letting her know that she knows of the lies and she's angry.

Episode Ten - It is the wedding day of Rhaenyra and Laenor, and everyone is here, the Velaryons and the son of the Sealord and all the Strongs and all the retinues of the Houses and even Otto is here as a guest, given that he is the father of the queen. Before a tourney to celebrate the impending nuptials, Rhaenyra and Harwin have a talk about their feelings, and Rhaenyra does stress that she wants him but it has to be discreet because of her position, but she does have an understanding with Laenor, and the two share another kiss. Meanwhile, Alicent, just to be petty, tells Viserys she feels that she's pregnant again, and that it's another boy, and Viserys, because he's a moron, actually announces this before the tourney. This is the tourney where, in the mélee, Criston Cole kills Laenor's lover Joffrey, to Laenor's shock and horror. Laenor and Rhaenyra are both immediately calling for consequences, but Alicent comes in for Criston, saying that it's an armed mélee and thus there's a natural acceptance of risk, which Joffrey knew, and Viserys lets the whole thing slide. This casts a pall over the wedding ceremony, and during the feast that night, Laenor is still dejected, which is why Rhaenyra goes to dance with others, like Harwin, and Daemon, who has been invited, and the two have another sexually charged moment. Daemon also dances with Laena, and bluntly asks her whether she wants to be married to the son of the Sealord, and she says no, and makes a comment about wanting Vhagar to eat him. The Sealord gets a bit uppity about someone else dancing with his bride to be, words are exchanged between him and Daemon, and it eventually breaks out into an actual fight. Alicent impulsively calls out for Rhaenyra, and Harwin does go to remove her, and Rhaenyra does have a moment where the first thing she does is check if Alicent herself is unharmed, showing that even with the worsening relationship that we've seen crack apart, there's still love there. Daemon eventually kills the son of the Sealord as Viserys, who again has been having those health problems all season like in the original show, passes out. This allows both Daemon and Criston Cole to sneak out unnoticed, and Criston, like in the show, is going to kill himself. Again, we've seen him kinda spiral all season, and after now killing someone too, not in combat but in a game, he feels at his lowest. And like in the show, Alicent stops him, though we do seem her kneel in the grass and take the knife from his hands. Alicent and Rhaenyra both then go to stay by Viserys, and we see them arrive at the same time before they sit on opposite sides of his bed. And here I will ape myself and my original answer again: "Episode ends with Daemon saddling Caraxes, ready to ride away before someone thinks "hey maybe we should imprison the guy who killed a foreign ally's leader", and then suddenly a great shadow blocks out the sun. Suddenly Vhagar lands in front of him, Laena atop her, and Daemon thinks, oh shit is she gonna try and fight me for killing her betrothed? He's still on the ground, and suddenly Laena climbs down from Vhagar to join him there. She doesn't say anything, but she smiles at him, and Daemon bends to kiss her hand." Meanwhile, at Viserys's sickbed, you have Rhaenyra, the Velaryons (minus Laena), and Harwin on one side, and Alicent, Larys, Otto, the Lannisters, Criston, and two attendants holding Aegon and Helaena on another. It's interspersed with a shot of Caraxes and Vhagar taking flight, almost dancing in the air, and their calls intermingle with baby Aegon beginning to cry. The dragons are dancing, the Targaryens are choosing side, and children are already weeping; th war may not have started yet, but it is already here. As Vhagar's wing eclipses the camera as she flies away, episode ends.

So this is uhhhhh not my best work as I'm making it up on the fly as I write this, but here ya go, HOTD season 1 if I were allowed to be showrunner. I'm not sure how coherent this all is, or if I got across all I wanted to. TL;DR here is that I would put a lot more focus on Alicent and Rhaenyra's relationship and its slow, gradual disintegration, as well as establishing the burgeoning sides that are going to be taken, along with adding more complexity to characters that were left by the wayside in the original show. But hope you liked it!

[suspiciouslypinkrosegarden]

This, in all honesty, was never what Unknown had intended to happen. This was not how things were supposed to go, and it confused him to the point he’d willingly chug endless vials of elixir just to chase the feeling away. And he did…almost every night he did. He pleaded for his body to listen to him and to strip him clean so this weak affliction would no longer plague his soul. Drowning never worked as a cure though, only pulling you closer as you stayed by his side in these moments where he tried to run from you. Unknown continuously poisoning himself was what led to the tip of the iceberg, and he had no idea what to do when you suddenly kissed him out of desperation.

From the start, you were nothing but trouble for him. You were supposed to be his stupid little Alice in this long game of revenge, with Unknown in the role of the white rabbit you chased out of curiosity. When exactly did everything flip to be the other way around? Why was he suddenly the one falling down the rabbit hole, trapped in a room filling with tears of confusion as nothing seemed to make sense? You were supposed to enter that apartment long ago, and yet here you are. In his lap and spinning his world into complete and utter chaos.

Being with you is nauseating. The way your hands work their way through his bleached hair as your lips meet is a horrible experience, for the reason that you make him so overly conscious of the slightest movements and bodily reactions. You strip him so easily of his control as you press against him, and for once he has no idea how to regain it. It pisses him off how his mouth can’t seem to contain some peculiar noises, noises he’s making just for you. His heart thuds, his lungs are about to burst, and he is angry at the uncomfortable temperature that spreads throughout his being.

Before you, he had never properly dwelled on the fact that he had never kissed someone before. He figured it would always remain that way, not capable of such intense feelings in the past. He had no interest in anyone, ever. Not in a romantic way, nor in a physical manner. But now…now he catches himself watching the way your lashes flutter shut when you’re tired, or the way your chest bubbles up with small laughter when he makes the world’s flattest joke. Now, he likes to stare too intensely at your lips as you talk, and lets his mind wander as he stops typing…and then proceeds to punish himself for doing so. This is a new weakness you have unlocked.

Unknown freezes, upset that he has no idea where to touch you and how to get you to react as you slide your cold fingers underneath his tank top. His lack of knowledge leaves him feeling vulnerable, and he’s missing his usual confidence he uses to prove himself strong. Should he follow by example and do the same under your shirt?

It’s when he decides to feel your bare spine that the atmosphere grows somehow tighter. It spurs you on to begin showering your affections onto his neck, and he decides that he can’t take anymore of it as his hands start to shake. You listen immediately as he stops you, and he is angry at your continuous respect for his boundaries when he displays almost none for yours.

Unknown cannot go that far with you. Unknown can’t take you into himself that deeply, nor will he ever. Unknown is nothing but a shadow, incapable of giving you any satisfaction with his ghost of a body and his cold bones for fingers. Unknown cannot feel, for he is nothing, and you are human. You deserve more than the kiss of your kidnapper, and he is afraid of what you do to him.

[swearyshera]

I’m sorry what??? You have a furry ex who (tried to?) committed murder?! Alice you can’t just share things like that and not give us the full story

Oh, there is the most batshit crazy story behind it. I'll stick it under the cut because it has next to nothing to do with the blog (other than to provide partial explanation as to why I'm like this). Cw for murder and horrifying sexual acts.

I'll also say, just before I start, that some of you may be aware of this - may even be aware of my involvement - so I'd ask you not to talk about me in relation to it too much. I've changed a few things about myself (including my name) to try and ensure a clean break from it, but I'm happy to talk about it still.

So... Cast your mind back to autumn 2008. At that time, a sprightly young 20-year-old me met a 19-year-old guy that we will call Steve (that's not his real name). Now, being woefully naïve and having at-the-time undiagnosed BPD, I was the sort of person who would fall deeply in love with anyone who showed me the slightest bit of kindness, and Steve did. He seemed caring, had a wild sense of humour, and genuinely appeared to love me back.

And what that did to me was that it made me ignore an entire truckload of red flags. His house was one level above a squat, bare floorboards and windows, no heating ("We can just snuggle under a blanket and share body heat") and I'm pretty sure he spent more money on beer and DVDs than he did on food. But I didn't seem to give a shit, those rose-tinted glasses were stuck firmly on, so I just ignored that stuff. There was worse, too, things that I felt a little uncomfortable with at the time and only realised years later were... well, let's just say I'd implore everyone to be able to identify what consent does and doesn't look like, because it's not always clear when you don't know for sure.

Anyhow, we'd been together about 4 or 5 months. He spent Christmas with me because he had no family to go to, I visited his house, played the "slightly bemused partner at the furry meet-up" role a couple of times, and things (at least to me) seemed to be great. Then one weekend in February, he mentioned that he was going to see some friends - absolutely fine by me, he did that fairly often and I didn't think anything of it. I texted him in the evening asking him how his day was, and he replied "Had a good day, but didn't go meet them".

That was the last message I got.

I didn't hear from him for the rest of the evening. Or the day after. Or the day after that. I got worried, because it wasn't like him to go silent - he wasn't even online on MSN (2000s reference!). And then I got a message from his aunty asking if I'd heard from him - that rang alarm bells. I reached out to a few of the people he knew, and no-one had heard a thing.

He'd been 'missing' for about a week and a half when I got another message from his aunty. She asked me if I knew a guy called Craig (again, not his real name), and I didn't. Then she asked me something that I can still remember verbatim to this day, she said "Do you have a loving family? You're going to need them, I'm sorry." and sent me a link to a news article. I clicked through to find a story in a local newspaper about two men being held for attempted murder. One of them was Steve.

The next few months flashed by as I found my belief about who he was completely trashed and flipped upside down. I discovered he'd been seeing multiple people behind my back, including this Craig guy, and I tried to find out what had happened, and what eventually came out was a completely other life that I didn't know about. I spoke to the Police about him, and was expecting to speak as a witness at the trial (in the end, thankfully, I did not have to do that). But the reality of what happened was fucking wild.

Steve and Craig had developed some weird-ass master/pet relationship, which led to 'role play' about killing Craig's parents. Craig felt that they were controlling and he'd only get peace if they were gone. In the trial, Steve testified that he thought it was not serious, although if that was the case, why did you fucking do it. On the night he sent the last message to me, he had been at Craig's house, made a show of saying goodbye to him and his parents, then waited in a nearby park. He played a game on his PSP to pass the time.

Later in the evening, once his parents had gone to bed, Craig texted Steve to invite him back in. Once he'd arrived, he was handed a knife and told to go upstairs and stab them which for some fucking reason he agreed to. Now Craig's dad was thankfully on the ball and wasn't quite asleep, and he fought off Steve and wrestled the knife from him, before restraining him and calling the police. Initially, Craig was thought to be an innocent bystander, but he was soon arrested too. Steve was charged with attempted murder and conspiracy to murder, Craig with conspiracy, and in court, both were convicted of conspiracy to murder (but cleared of the attempted murder charge).

If you think it doesn't get more fucked-up than that, boy, do I have a surprise for you. Imagine someone's asked you to commit murder - you'd want something in return, right? And indeed, Craig did offer Steve something. What, you ask? Money? A means of escape? Nope! For successfully killing Craig's parents, Steve would have the opportunity to bite off Craig's dick. I am not joking. If he stabbed some middle-aged people, he would get a fucking sausage sandwich.

So yeah... that's what happened. My life has been an absolute soap opera (although honestly, this seems a bit far-fetched even for that - but I swear to you, every word of it is true).

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

I'm here for advice. I met a girl recently and I thought she was an amazing friend but then I found out she deadnames her transgender classmate whenever the two of them argue.

For context, his deadname is Alice and his name is Alec.

She will call him Alice and when he points it out she goes "no, I said Alec." And like... Gaslights? Him.

I'm genderfluid and I'm now terrified to tell her because of this.

What do I do in this situation????

Lee says:

For future reference, you don't need to tell us (or anyone) what your classmate's deadname is.

In this example, you could just tell us "His chosen name sounds similar to his deadname" if that's the context that you're trying to provide in explaining the situation at hand. You don't need to disclose the specific names!

To answer your question-- I would recommend speaking with this girl outside of the classroom when it's just the two of you alone and there isn't an audience (putting people on the spot in front of their peers can make them feel anxious and defensive) and explain that you've noticed her behavior and don't think that it's okay.

You want to have a conversation about the issue during a calm moment when she's not currently arguing with this classmate. And you want to be clear about why deadnaming someone isn't okay to do-- she might not understand how deeply it can wound someone!

Here's some dialogue that you could think about modifying to prepare for a talk with her:

"I know that we've recently met, but I really value our friendship. That's why I'm surprised that you tend to use [Chosen name's] deadname when you two argue. I noticed that you don't slip up and deadname him at other times which leads me to believe that you're intentionally using his deadname during arguments to hurt him. You might think that deadnaming him only affects him, but it's bigger than that. Intentionally deadnaming someone could make other trans people in the room terrified to come out to you because deadnaming a trans person shows that you don't respect trans identities in general. That's why I'm not comfortable being friends with someone who would intentionally misgender a transgender person. I'd like to think that you're not a transphobic person-- in fact, I know that you're better than that. You've been an amazing friend to me and I don't want our friendship to end, so I hope that you will be more careful about using [Chosen name's] deadname going forward, even when things get heated and you want to lash out and fight back."

When I was in high school, I came out to some classmates. A few of those classmates told their parents, and one of those parents told my parents. And then I was outed to my parents.

If you're not sure that this new friend is someone who you can safely come out to, I'd wait to come out to her until you're 100% sure that she will not tell anyone.

So if you aren't sure yet, and you aren't ready for the world to know that you're genderfluid, don't tell this girl yet. She might tell someone else, and that person could tell someone else, and then the whole school would know. If your safety is on the line, waiting to disclose your identity is a good idea.

All that said, I would also recommend intervening in the moment if your friend deadnames your classmate and you witness it occur. So you should address it preemptively, but also speak up if it happens again.

You might want to practice coming up with a few sentences and approaches to correct her on her use of his deadname and/or offer support to the trans classmate who is being targeted.

I know it can be uncomfortable to insert yourself into an argument, especially if you don't even agree with this guy or like him, but nobody deserves to be deadnamed, even the worst jerks in the school.

Practicing the interaction in advance and even writing down what you might say will help to prepare you to stand up for this classmate because it's very easy to panic in the moment and not speak up even when you think what someone is doing is wrong.

Bystander intervention is important because it'll let this classmate know that he isn't alone, someone else noticed it happening even if she denied doing it afterward, and it can help redirect her so she doesn't continue doing it.

Finally, take care of yourself! It sucks to be closeted, it sucks to have to witness someone be transphobic, it sucks when you find out that someone you trusted and cared about is transphobic, and it sucks to have to stand up for a classmate and defend them against the transphobia while pretending that it doesn't affect you and you aren't hurting too.

You're doing a good thing by addressing the transphobia, but that doesn't make it easy. It can be emotionally taxing to confront someone, so yeah, something that to take care of yourself too, whether it's going on a run or talking to a friend or making some art, do something active that will take your mind off of it and let you de-stress a bit.

Followers, what would you recommend that anon say to their friend or say to their classmate to intervene during an argument where their classmate is being misgendered?

[hello-nichya-here]

Thank you for being sympathetic to Alicent and viewing her situation with actual nuance and understanding

I'm proship as they come but the way the majority of the HOTD fandom talks about her make me so deeply uncomfortable with how casually cruel and lacking of sympathy they are. Like yeah she's a fictional character, but yeesh, their hatred of her is so eerily close to actual IRL misogyny. It's one of the very few times when fictional discussion is crossing the reality line for me

Oh, it has absolutely turned into real life misogyny - there's a ton of idiots online threatening to do all kinds of vile thing to the actress because she dared to comit the crime of playing a character they don't like.

And I meant it, even as someone who is very firmly Team Black, the Greens are interesting, compelling, complicated characters that are fun to watch, so even when I'm pissed at one of them is a "love to hate" kind of situation, because they're still being entertaining.

And again, Alicent was objectively screwed over the entire show, by her father, her husband, and by her society in general. Did she sometimes make things worse for herself or hurt other characters who didn't deserve it? Yes. But so did Rhaenyra, Daemon, Viserys, Aegon, Aemond, etc. The whole point of that story is practically nobody stays fully innocent when there's a full on war going on, and EVERYONE becomes a victim of the circumstances in said war.

I might want Rhaenyra to be queen, but it IS objectively unfair how Alicent was raised to think her duty was to marry whoever her father picked for her and give her husband male heirs to inherit all he had, and she did that without complaining for the longest time - and then her husband not only doesn't want her children to inherit, but he also has the nerve to call his child of a previous marriage his ONLY child.

I would not blame her one bit if she started throwing stuff at Viserys while screaming "Then why the fuck did you marry me and make me have kids with you for? The fuck was that about?" Hell, she could snap one day give Viserys too much medicine to kill him once and for all, I'd say she was fully justified (and in the truly pitiful state he was in, he might actually thank her fo it).

It really is no surprise that, when Rhaenyra makes a toast in Alicent's honor, thanking her for all the devotion she offered to her father through the years, caring for him as his health worsens, it led to the ONLY time adult!Alicent says she believes Rhaenyra would be a good queen. It's the first time in YEARS anyone has thought of everything she was put through, everything she had to sacrifice for the sake of other people who didn't even deserve it - and so it becomes the first, and sadly last, time she sees eye-to-eye with her former friend, and recognizes that Rhaenyra's situation of "You were named heir then your father went and got you two brothers despite knowing that would likely cost you the throne" is also not fair.

Otto and Viserys are to blame for all this misery for everyone in both sides of the conflict (except maybe Daemon's, to some extent at least) - Otto for using his own daughter and grandkids as pawns in the Game Of Thrones, and Viserys for being a pushover that lets himself be manipulated AND uses "I'm just a sick, fragile old man mourning my beloved wife that I murdered" as excuse to justify remarrying and causing a ton of trouble for everyone just so he has someone by his side (and not even appreciating said person) and doesn't feel lonely.

Alicent's biggest sin was not realizing she should not have put up with this bullshit - but how could she considering how young she was when it all happened and the way she was raised to think she had to obey her father and husband no matter what?

[dinitride-art]

Karen Wheeler - Character Analysis and Observations

I am thinking about Karen Wheeler. Figured out why exactly the Karen Wheeler is Alice Creel theory interested me and now it won’t stop tapping on my skull, like a tiny hand making space for itself in my brain. Rent free. Honestly, Alice Creel or not, somethings up with Karen.

Karen is not like other side characters. The first scene she’s in, is season one episode one, when Mike tries to convince her to let them keep playing. They have an entire conversation and her reactions are important. She’s busy and she thinks that Mike’s just wasting time playing D&D with his friends. Ten hours was too many. Her expressions are meant to be seen. Ted’s aren’t. While Ted’s dismissal of Mike tells us about im his character, he doesn’t have the same emphasis on his reactions. She’s more important than him in this story.

In fact, she’s more important than a lot of people. She has an entire character arc in season three, that shows she is a complex character. Uncomfortable relationships and attraction in media are used to portray something deeply wrong in the setting the characters are in, and their families. The point of Karen being attracted to Billy is to tell us that something is wrong. Karen and Ted’s relationship isn’t working, and the Wheelers have a deep flaw in their family. It’s not just about Karen. It’s about the implication that something is very wrong with the Wheelers. This was used in the Umbrella Academy to show that there’s something wrong in the Hargreaves family structure, and in their past. It’s meant to be uncomfortable to see these relationships because they’re telling us somethings gone wrong. Karen was the character they chose to explore that.

The things we see Karen do, like listening in on Mike when he’s talking to El on the phone, and unlocking Nancy’s bedroom door, don’t have simple motivations. Karen isn’t just a concerned overprotective mother. There’s a reason behind her actions that is more than being Mike and Nancy’s mom. The conversations she has with Nancy and Mike don’t come from a perspective that is unscathed. She’s the one we see hurt her children, and we see her side of it. It’s very different than Ted, who we don’t have to understand. We don’t need to understand him. His motivations aren’t given to us because they’re not complex. He’s just a middle aged white man in the eighties. That’s all we need to know about him.

Karen is the most important adult character who is not aware of the Upside Down. The most direct interaction she has with it is when she talks to Billy at the pool. Although Billy hasn’t been fully possessed yet, it’s interesting that the mind flayer doesn’t try to keep that relationship. He’s working to take everyone, but doesn’t want Karen. Any other connection is through her children. Nancy lost Barb, and Mike nearly lost Will. They both struggle with that and they both come to her, or at least have scenes that make it apparent that Karen’s reaction to Nancy and Mike’s trauma is important.

A complex character with motivations that aren’t explained, an arc that explores themes that imply deep familial problems, and no connection to the main plot. The other shoe has yet to drop.

[crookdeclipses]

For Ada, want to do Tweedle-Dee and Caterpillar (Esme)?

Love to! Thanks for asking <3

Tweedle-Dee: Which canon character do they feel the most uncomfortable around?

Alice.

Alice hands down.

Alice and Ada are like Edward and Rosalie. They don't get along and never have, which is deeply awkward, because Ada is very close with Jasper.

The root of this tension largely stems from the fact that Ada is a very aesthetic person in her own right. She doesn't like having Alice choose things for her. Even if Alice knows what Ada will like, Ada wants to make her clothing choices herself and they have some fundamental disagreements on style.

Ada is an exception to the "Everybody loves Alice" rule that Stephenie would never have written, but I think that one dissenting voice is pretty important, in terms of a family dynamic. Just like how Rosalie is the one person that doesn't automatically love Bella.

Another source of tension is that Alice and Ada's abilities are so similar. For years Ada has dealt with a sense of inferiority because anything she can see with remote viewing, Alice has already seen with clairvoyance.

It then transpires that Ada can see the wolves, while Alice can't and this doesn't make things better because Ada suddenly has a perk that Alice doesn't, which Alice does not handle gracefully.

Caterpillar: What do they think of [Esme]?

Oooo this is an interesting question.

So one of the things I hoped to achieve with Ada is to add what feels like a missing link in the Cullen women.

With the guys it seems like Jasper probably tends towards Carlisle and Emmett to Esme, while Edward seems equally attached to both of his parents.

Likewise I feel like Alice is Esme's daughter and Rosalie is Carlisle's. So with Ada as Edward's opposite number it makes sense that Ada is also equally attached.

Ada joined the family while Edward was gone on his vigilante grand tour so you can imagine how Esme felt when Ada showed up on their doorstep. I've talked a lot about what Ada shares in common with Carlisle, but she has SO much in common with Esme too. Not least of all a sense of romance. Edward knows all about Ada's loneliness, but Esme is the one Ada talks about it with. While Edward was content with his bachelorhood, Ada had a sense of what she was missing and no one can sympathise with Ada like Esme can.

[laurasimonsdaughter]

What if Disney adapted Bluebeard?

If we're talking fairy tale animation, I don't think they'd ever touch it. Far too dark. It'd probably make a pretty decent dark fantasy semi-horror like Alice in Wonderland (2010) though!

Again, not really my genre, but if I were to take a stab at it:

It's a dark fairy tale-esque fantasy with both horror and romance elements, so obviously it gets set in quasy-Victorian era, with lush, but slightly historically inaccurate costumes.

The protagonist needs a name, of course, let's call her Emily. She is about 21 years old, beautiful, headstrong, and either not interested in marriage, or deeply romantic and eagerly looking for true love. Her parents are utterly unimportant, possibly one of them is dead because who even has two parents.

Her older sister Anne will probably get cut, sorry. She has a very good relationship with her brother (one of them gets cut too), but he is away from home for unclear reasons, maybe at sea or at war or whatever. Maybe he has a best friend who is secretly in love with Emily.

Bluebeard (that's his nickname, he has an actual name, something like... Dorian Morton) would be styled in Victorian Goth, very rich, very charming, probably called Lord and Sir without ever making clear whether he's gentry or nobility or whatever. Uncomfortably attractive, of course, but constantly surrounded by ominous lighting and music to warn the audience that he has a Secret. In spite of this he sweeps our heroine off her feet, she falls madly in love, they marry and he whisks her away to his terribly gothic mansion and it's all very romantic.

Once there she gets the all important "you are mistress of my heart and of my home, but never open the door that this golden key fits to, okay love you forever I am leaving for unspecified manly reasons" message and is left alone.

Now there are two routes this could go, depending on how dark or whimsical this movie wants to be. Either Emily finds a basement mausoleum with six marble coffins with the images of the previous wives carved lifesize onto the slabs (this makes Bluebeard a common murderer), or she finds six magical glass coffins where seven women are lying in a magical death sleep (this makes him something more sorcerer or warlock like).

Emily is horrofied, heartbroken, terrified. She manages to send a message to her brother, but Bluebeard comes home before she has any way of knowing if he even received it. She stalls for time, but Bluebeard finds out she looked in the room and he is very dramatic about this betrayal of his trust, making it very clear that he never wanted to harm any of his wives, but that he had to because they just didn't love him unconditionally enough and all wanted to leave him :(. He probably tells Emily that he loves her the most and that if she'll just forget what she saw they can live happily ever after. But she is a pure hearted heroine and tearfully refuses.

Lord Dorian Bluebeard Morton snaps dramatically and tries to kill her, (it's very important that this is the first time he is ever abusive towards her). She runs, he chases her to the roof of the mansion (maybe there is a tower for no reason), there's a storm, he falls to his death in good Disney fashion, possibly while looking Emily in the eyes and professing his love for her. (The small, but passionate fandom will insist this is an important moment of redemption for him.)

Emily's brother (and possible secondary romantic thread best friend) arrive just in time to see him fall and to comfort a stricken but brave Emily at the top of the stairs. (If they go for the magical angle this is where all the other wives wake up, terrified but relieved, and possibly have enough chemistry to prompt the fandom to write "what if all seven ladies just stayed in the house together" fix-its.)

There is a final scene where Lady Emily Morton, dressed in beautiful mourning blacks, walks the halls of her now bustling mansion, which looks less cursed now. Her brother is there to be affectionate, his best friend is possibly there to respectfully admire her. (The other wives can be there looking healthy and best-friend material if they survived.) Emily goes to the spot where her husband fell to his death and looks out dramatically, the music plays Bluebeard's theme. The end.

...is this a diluted Crimson Peak without the ghosts and the sister? Oh dear I think it is. Anyway, I would very much enjoy watching this with my sister, but probably not like it enough to go back for a second viewing.

[yoomiii123]

Saying Goodbye

AO3 | FanFiction.net

Summary: As the Cullens are saying goodbye to Charlie, Alice is forced to deal with grief for the first time in her second life. Word Count: 2'727 Trigger Warnings: Character death, Death, Grief, Loss. Rating: PG A/N: 2022 has been a rough year for me. I've never had to go to a relative's funeral pre this year; this thursday is going to be the third in just over 7 months. So how does one deal with suddenly having to face grief? Writing Fanfiction about it, because this is the way I cope. This way, at least something good can come of all of this.

“Is he in pain?”

Jasper didn’t move. In fact, he had been silently standing by the window ever since they’d arrived. Like one of those marble statues on the churches in Europe, keeping a watchful eye on the world outside, as she made numerous phone calls, changed her headscarf twice, and made plans for three different funerals. The least she could do was give the poor girl options.

Alice had already decided that he hadn’t heard her and returned to the pictures on her phone when he finally turned. “Not from what I can tell.”

With the hood of his sweater pulled deeply into his face and the large sunglasses, he must have looked like one of those superstars trying to remain undercover to the humans. She’d seen it on television. But the characters in the tv program never had such a chilling edge to their words.

How hadn’t she noticed before? Bella’s sobbing had been a quiet constant over the last hour, and she likely wasn’t the only one saying goodbye on this late autumn afternoon. Jasper had been the one in pain, and all she thought about were flower arrangements.

Alice could have kicked herself.

She was just about to rise from her spot on the bench and move over to him when the door at the other end of the hallway flew open and revealed two more visitors. Jacob was wearing a ridiculous baseball cap reading ‘I heart Trucks’ and matching highlighter-green sunglasses. He looked just as out of place as the rest of them did. Except for Renesmee; she had no reason to hide.

“We came as fast as we could,” he said under his breath as they reached Alice. Now standing in front of her, she noticed that his pants were too short, and the sweatshirt stretched uncomfortably around his shoulders. Gas station quality, from the smell of it.

Had he lost control? Was this the strange sound she’d heard in the background of the call that brought the pair back to the Olympic peninsula?

“Where are they?” Renesmee asked. Her voice broke off towards the end and judging from the faint hint of salt, she’d been crying too.

Alice threw Jasper another look, but he had already turned back to the window. Her eyes lingered on his back for an instance before she gestured towards the door to the left. Behind it, Edward was softly talking now. Too low for them to understand. Nevertheless, Alice caught a few words, as Renesmee entered the room.

“…not what he would have wanted. We–“

The poor-quality acrylic of the gas station sweater rudely interrupted her line of sight, and her thoughts quickly jumped back to Jasper. “Car keys, please.”

Jacob handed them to her without comment, pulling the door closed behind him and his wife, and leaving Alice to stare at the handmade sign someone had put on the door.

Chief. Just Chief. All that life, all that character and history, reduced to one word.

Memories started to flash in front of her eyes, scenes both real and never realised. Charlie and Bella, Charlie and Renesmee, Charlie and Jacob, Charlie and her. Even as they’d moved away from Forks, he was everywhere. In the Skype calls to his granddaughter, in the pictures in Bella and Edward’s room, in the short-form answers to Alice’s multi-page letters.

A big lump built in her throat. She tried to swallow it down, but it wouldn’t budge. Desperate for some consolation, she turned to Jasper and found him right by her side. He reached for her hand and freed the keys from her iron grip.

Oh god, did I ruin their keychain?

If she had, he didn’t let her see as they disappeared inside his palm. “Let’s take our bags out.”

That had been her idea to help him. How come it was now him helping her escape this horrid place?

Alice nodded mechanically and grabbed the Louis Vuitton bag from the bench. They had been on their way to meet up with Peter and Charlotte for a small getaway when the vision hit.

The vision—

“Alice, stay here.”

Her mind snapped back to the present. Jasper was leading her towards the exit. “It’s almost five thirty, you don’t need to see it again.”

Five thirty. The big grandfather clock in her vision had stood at five thirty-two.

No. NO.

She had to be there for them! Edward, Bella, Jacob – and Renesmee. Oh, poor Nessie, she’d never even seen a dead person before!

“No, I need to go back!”

She tried to pull herself from his grip on her upper arm, but he didn’t let go. “Not now, you don’t.”

“Jasper, please, they need me.” Alice’s plea finally made him stop. But when he turned to her, his eyes behind the sunglasses were hard.

“I can’t be here right now.”

Her stomach sank. Of course, he couldn’t. How had she been too self-absorbed to realise that again?

“I’m sorry, Jazz,” she apologised. “Let’s go put our bags away then.”

xxx

They entered the garage through the side entrance. It was half empty and Renesmee’s car was parked in the front row. Finding it would have been just as easy if the entire place was filled with look-alikes, though. The trail of wolf leading straight to the doors was impossible to ignore.

I’m going to have to throw away all of these clothes, Alice lamented as Jasper opened the hood and another wave of dog stench encompassed them. And I was so looking forward to wearing the–

“He’s so calm, it’s strange.” Jasper’s unexpected comment cut off her line of thought and returned her full attention to him. He had removed his sunglasses and his face seemed much more relaxed already.

 I should have gotten him out of there earlier. “How so?”

He closed the hood and locked the car. “He’s collected, almost content. I mean, sure, there’s been a tinge of sadness ever since Bella arrived, but there’s no regret, no grief, no anger. He’s just–”

“Peaceful?” she offered.

Jasper nodded. “I’ve never seen one go like this.”

A sudden, unexpected sadness gripped her, and Alice felt the need to wrap her arms around herself. However, the urge disappeared before her fingertips found her upper arms. And somehow, she was disappointed. 

Alice’s eyes found Jasper’s. “Thank you, but don’t do this right now. This is Charlie, we’re losing. I can’t feel nothing at that.”

For a second, she thought he was going to fight her on this. But then, the sudden cold returned and Jasper put his sunglasses back on. “Do you want to go back inside?”

“Not without you.”

Her comment put a small smile on his lips. “I’ve been through worse.”

“I know,” she returned. “But I promised you, that you’d never have to go through something like that again.”

Jasper took her hand in his and led her back towards the main building. “As you said, this is Charlie. You cared about him, and you should be able to say goodbye. Don’t worry about me.”

Alice wanted to smile for him. As a thank you for always being there for her, always putting her first. But with every step they took back towards the unassuming door with the hand-made sign on it, the heavier the corners of her mouth felt.

When they re-entered the dimly lit hallway, the door was open. Edward and Jacob stood in front of it, looking somewhat out of place with their big sunglasses and unfashionable hats. Bella and Nessie were still obscured by the corner, but their sobbing reached her ears long before Alice laid eyes on them.

They were hugging each other. Renesmee’s head rested on Bella’s shoulders like it had when she was smaller, being carried around by her mother. However, this time, she wasn’t smiling. Instead, her cheeks were wet.

For a split-second, all Alice could think about was how much she wanted hers to be too.

“Can’t you help them?” Jacob’s words pulled her eyes from Nessie’s tears and brought them back to them. Judging from the reproachful glance Edward was throwing their way, he had already asked Jasper to do the same. And he had already refused.

“I’m not going to do anything without their consent,” he reiterated for Jacob. The wolf huffed angrily, but there was no snarky comment accompanying his dissatisfaction.

The three men continued to stare each other down. Alice watched Jasper’s face for another moment before she let go of his hand and moved towards the door.

She’d almost entered the room once before, just as they arrived at the retirement home. But she’d hesitated, long enough for Bella and Edward to barge into the hallway. It felt wrong to join them after at. Charlie was her father, after all. So why was Alice the one that couldn’t bring herself to see him now?

An unexpected warmth suddenly ran down her arm and filled her hand with courage. Enough, to pull the door open a little wider and slip in. The nudge disappeared, just as fast as it had arrived. Alice turned to look back at Jasper and mouthed a ‘thank you’ before the room consumed her.

The inside was dark now, darker than it had been in her vision. The sun had gone down outside, and the dim ceiling lamp didn’t provide much light. Not, that she needed it anyway. A single window had been opened, just as it was in her vision. “To let the soul out,” the nurse in her vision had explained.

Charlie was lying on the bed, exactly as she’d seen; dark-blue pyjamas, grey hair, moustache, and all. It was unmistakably him. And yet, he was all wrong.

His face was too pale, the usual warm glow and cheeky smile absent.

His hands, which had always fiddled around with his shirt or moustache, were too still, the fingers starting to turn blue around their tips.

The familiar smell of his sweet blood mixed with a faint note of the forest, frying grease, and sweat still lingered in the air, but it was dwindling. Alice instinctively walked over to the window to close it, preserving what was left of Charlie, when she realised what she was missing the most.

The room was too silent. There were no more laboured breaths, no more coughing. No more heartbeat.

Alice felt like someone had grabbed hold of her insides and squeezed with all their might. Her body wanted to double over together but at the same time, she couldn’t force her eyes off his face.

All that life, all that character, all that history — gone.

A silent sob escaped her chest and she quickly pressed a hand against her lips, as if she could keep the rest of them in. Her other hand reached out to touch his, she watched as her fingers met his and then shrunk back. It felt like having another vision. She had no control, no idea how she was supposed to feel or react.

Trapped in her own mind, Alice watched as her feet found their way back to the hallway. Bella’s green sweater was the first thing that met her, as she pulled Alice into her chest. Luckily, she didn’t have to breathe.

It felt like an eternity, until Bella let her go. Alice had tried to force her arms to hug her friend back. But they were numb, uselessly hanging on her side. Nessie was next, enveloping her in another tight hug. Alice could feel the wetness of her tears in the bronze hair. It seemed completely insignificant in the wake of things, but somehow, she was jealous of her, nevertheless. What she would have given to be able to cry in this moment.

It took another few moments, but then her brain somehow registered the situation and was able to find the appropriate words. “I’m so sorry.”

Another sob escaped Renesmee’s throat as she finally let go of Alice to return to her mother’s side. Edward and Bella quickly encircled her, revealing an equally distraught Jacob. Alice’s eyes didn’t linger on him, trailing over to the corner instead. Jasper was still watching her. And somehow, seeing his beloved face broke something inside of her.

Another uncontrolled sob escaped her chest before she could flee the hallway, and this damned building. It got more and more out of hand as she dashed over the plaza and into the garden, unable to tell if she was still moving at human pace or running already.

And then, she suddenly wasn’t moving at all anymore. Wrapping her arms around herself, Alice looked around her. She was in the middle of the gardens, a few dozen feet from a small pond. And she had no idea why she came here, why she stopped or what she felt.

She was still sobbing, which should have meant that she was sad. But she didn’t feel sad. Not angry either, but her hands were fists, nevertheless. Her cheeks hurt from grinning, but she certainly wasn’t happy.

Steps approached her, and it wasn’t long before another set of arms closed around her. However, these didn’t feel like an iron cage. Alice turned and buried her face in Jasper’s shirt. “I– I don’t know what’s going on... What do I feel, Jasper?”

“You’re grieving, Alice,” he whispered, his voice and presence soothing her uncontrollable sobs into a quiet whimpering.

Grieving. No, that couldn’t be it. She’d grieved before. She’d mourned the loss of their family, twice. His death, a good dozen times. This was not the same. It didn’t compare. This was real.

“I don’t want to.” She closed her eyes and shoved her hands under his shirt, reaching for his skin. “Make it go away, Jazz. I don’t want to feel this way.”

Jasper tensed under her touch, then hugged her tighter. But relief didn’t come. Confused, Alice looked up to him. “Jazz?”

His eyes met hers under the frame of his sunglasses. “I can’t. I’m sorry, darling.”

“Why not?” Alice felt another sob in her chest, but this time she was able to keep it down.

“Because what you’re feeling right now is an expression of how much you cared about him. I can’t take that away from you. If I do, you’ll eventually resent me for it.” He gently ran a hand over her hair. “But I promise to not go anywhere. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

xxx

Alice completely lost track of how they were standing there in the dark gardens. At some point it had started raining, but Jasper still hadn’t moved an inch. He was holding her while she screamed and cried tearlessly until she felt there was nothing left inside of her. And he kept holding her, as the emptiness slowly started to fill with his devotion.

“How did you know?” she finally asked as her body stopped trembling and she regained control over her speech. “How did you know I’d resent you for taking this away.”

Jasper let go of her head as she pressed against his hand to look up at him. He seemed tired. “Do you remember how Carlisle used to make us go to the funerals of people we killed?”

Alice nodded and freed a hand from his shirt to push the wet strands of hair that were clinging to his face back.

“That first one; I messed with the widow. I thought I was helping her, but I was mostly helping myself.”

“What happened?”

He sighed and his eyes left hers; they always did when he talked about things, he was ashamed of. “She killed herself.”

The cold crept back into Alice’s bones, and another lump was forming at the back of her throat. “You’ve never told me that!”

“I didn’t see the need to.” He still refused to look at her.

Alice sighed and rested her head back against his chest. “It’s okay, Jasper. You didn’t intend for that.”

Finally, he returned to her. His lips brushed the top of her head for an instant before he rested his chin on it.

“So, what do I do now?” she asked after another moment of silence.

“You’re going to grief. You’re going to grief until the day you think back and are no longer saddened by the loss but grateful for the time you had instead.”