#all my posts are jokes

[palpunte]

inspired by @threefandomsinatrenchcoat !

[egophiliac]

bring back zooterkins, the best 17th-century swear word

I don't normally do Just Characters Swearing, but. ...this kind of wrote itself and then wouldn't leave my head. it comes from both a piece of character-writing advice that has always stuck with me, and also my conviction that Leona is 1000% funnier as a character if his dialogue has to stay G-rated. let Kalim say fuck, but don't let Leona say bastard.

(I'm sorry)

[clarisse-doodles]

inspired by this post, in which Damian does not know what Vine is

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

[bioshzrd]

this random ass guy who’s entire bit is that he can move like this is the only good wesker fan ever

[punkitt-is-here]

a rare sighting

[in-the-abyss]

its the year 2048. qsmp now hosts 29 different languages from all 5 continents. there is a total of 231 streamers in the server. wilbur still hasnt been online a single time.

[phantomrose96]

Im usually much too shy to send asks but you gotta be the change you want to see, and i agree that asks need to stay so: would you rather right 1 horse sized rat, or 100 rat sized horses?

ah yikes... so my knee jerk reaction is "the 100 rat-sized horses, certainly, as those can be picked off one at a time." however the risk of my conscience catching up to me by the 30th or 40th horse is too great. how much death could I inflict upon these rat-sized horses before I vow to see death no more? even if pure survival instinct drives me through all 100, what of the aftermath? surrounded by the carnage of 100 tiny horses with only my own wet breath among 100 still chests? inconceivable. war is hell.

[wasyago]

recks cleo !

she's a human btw, not a robot teehee ^_^

[bigfatbreak]

How does nooroo feel about Tom in your villian dad au?

After initial introductions, Tom basically thinks Nooroo is a figment of his imagination and a testament to his mind crumbling from the grief of losing Sabine. Nooroo gets an inside look on what really matters to tom, though

Tom uses the butterfly miraculous not for himself, but for the benefit of his daughter. The vengeance he's trying to take on "Hawkmoth" isn't quite as simple as "you're responsible for the death of my wife," it stems from a very, very different source - which makes Nooroo more sympathetic to helping him.

He's still not thrilled, but, Marinette and Tom are so kind to him, he really can't find it in himself to complain.

[messrsbyler]

you. yes you, person with rejection sensitive dysphoria. this message is for you. your friends DON'T hate you. they aren't mad at you. they aren't talking behind your back or wished to cut their friendship with you. they love you and treasure you and they are good people who wouldn't hurt you like that! ok, that's all. have a nice day.

[civetside]

i was gonna draw the pool scene TM for real but then i remembered i hate drawing water so i did this instead

[choccy-milky]

MC doing what we all wished we could do (aka napping on the floor with ominis )😴💕

[trying-to-jew]

Other Jews: *clever Jewish humor based on thousands of years of culture and history*

Me: We the Jeople (Jewish people),

[077891st]

trying to remember how to draw again 🐠

[sunnibits]

“the kids chose protective mom izzy in the divorce” is literally my new favorite joke to come out of s2 so far I’m utterly obsessed