#all of this to say: this date is a celebration of my entering this fandom and community in a way I hadn't and haven't since

[shitpostingfromthebarricade]

Aw, cute.

[flightlessangelwings]

What Was Unspoken, And What We Finally Said

Din Djarin x fem!reader

Word count-3.6k

Warnings- s.mut (18+ ONLY!), sexworker reader (respectfully), mutual pining, reader is said to have been with both men and women but her sexuality is up to you, unprotected sex, hj, finering, oral (f receiving), protective!Din, soft!Din, feelings, no description of reader other than body parts and no use of y/n

Notes- This is part a bonus Valentines fic and part a thank you for 5,000 followers fic! I would have liked to do a full follower celebration but since I'm low on writing time lately, I'm doing 2 gift fics for y'all instead. I just want to say thank you each and every one of you for following and supporting me all these years!

Since this is Star Wars, I looked up if there was anything like Valentine's Day and while there isn't one canonically, there is a "Lover's Day" that the fandom kinda agreed is equivalent so I used that here but it can be read any time of year since it's Star Wars and we can say it's any time lol! Enjoy!

@flightlessangelwings-updates is my update blog so please also follow that and turn on post notifs to stay up to date on when I post new things!

~

You were exhausted.

If you were honest, you weren’t even sure what day it was… or even what time of day at all. Things had never been busier at the brothel the last couple days, and you weren’t sure why. Especially today it was back to back clients for you. The extra credits were nice, and much needed, but by the Maker were you wiped out. But it wasn’t all bad. The brothel you worked at was safe and respectable and the clients almost always tipped well. You even had a lengthy list of regulars, which was nice. Many of them even came by today too.

The day started with a visit from one of your favorite bounty hunters, Fennec Shand. She was usually more quiet and stoic, but today she had an air of playfulness about her, and the smirk she wore on her face made your heart flutter. Later in the day, Axe Woves came by, and seemed more flirtatious than usual. He always left you with a wink and a kiss on the back of your hand, but today he left a lingering kiss on your cheek… and extra credits in tip. 

But there was one person you looked forward to seeing more than anyone else. And he hadn’t come by in some time. 

You let out a heavy sigh as you flopped down onto the bed. Wrapping your robe around yourself, you closed your eyes as you finally got some time to rest after a busy day. Just as your body relaxed into the plush mattress and you felt yourself about to doze off, there was a knock at the door.

“Coming,” you sighed as you pushed yourself up, ready to turn away whoever was on the other side of the door. You just wanted to rest for the rest of the night. “Listen, came you come back tomor…” you froze mid word as your eyes landed on the one person you had hoped to see, “Din!” you breathed.

“Did I come at a bad time?” he asked, tilting his helmeted head to the side, “I had a bounty in the area and I thought I would come by.” Since it’s been awhile, he thought to himself, and I missed you.

“No, no,” you ushered him inside before he could walk away, “Come in.”

The Mandalorian walked past you, entering the room while you closed and locked the door, “Everything alright?” he asked, noticing the exhaustion in your voice.

“Fine,” you replied as you crossed the room and sat down, motioning for him to sit next to you, “It’s just been really busy here the last couple days. Not sure why,” you shrugged. 

“Want me to come back another time?” he asked plainly, his tone hiding his true disappointment especially after having not seen you in so long. Din truly looked forward to the days when he could come by the brothel and spend time with you.

“I think I can muster up some energy for my favorite client,” you replied with a flirty wink. It took everything you had to not sound like you desperately wanted him to stay, and even if you couldn’t even pull yourself off the bed you would do it for him.

Din tilted his head to the side slightly as a soft amused huff escaped his lips, “Your favorite, huh?”

You heard the smile in his voice. Biting your lip and subtly shimmying your shoulders, you closed the gap between your bodies and traced the chestplate of his beskar armor with your finger, “Don’t tell anyone else. They might get jealous,” you purred as the room started to warm around you.

Din reached in his pocket, pulling out a generous amount of credits and placed them on the nearby table before he leaned in closer to you. He cupped your face, tenderly caressing the side of your head in his gloved hand, “Your secret is safe with me.” Din gently rubbed his thumb against your cheek while his large hand cradled you softly while he pushed his body against yours.

“Din…” you breathed as your eyes fluttered shut and you allowed him to guide you back until your legs hit the bed. 

“I’ve got you,” he murmured as his hands moved down the front of your body and tugged at your robe. 

A gasp escaped your lips as the cool air hit your skin. But, you didn’t feel cool for long. Even through the darkness of his vizor, you could feel Din’s gaze on you, and you could tell he eyed you hungerly. The way his breath hitched whenever he saw you bare for him, the way his helmet tilted slightly, the way his hands gripped you just a little bit tighter… you knew all Din’s tells by now. And you craved the feeling of being under his touch.

“Beautiful,” Din sighed as he guided your body down onto the bed. He stood in awe over you for a moment as your robe fell open and framed your figure. His pants felt tighter as his cock reacted to the way you settled yourself, spreading your legs wide for him. Din let out a low groan as he tugged his gloves off. They were the only thing he ever removed, and he only ever took them off with you.

“Din,” you whispered again as the bed dipped as he hovered over you, “Let me…”

You ran your hands down his chest once more, imaging what it would feel like to feel his bare skin under your touch instead. You bit your lip when you reached the hem of his pants, and you expertly unzipped and freed his cock without letting any other sliver of skin show. You knew the trust he put in you, and you never took it for granted. You felt honored that he even trusted you with his real name- something else you held near and dear to your heart. 

Savoring the groan he let out, you stroked his length slowly. You made sure to squeeze right where he liked it, and you let out a whimper every time a louder growl escaped his lips involuntarily. But you let out another whine when you felt his thick fingers cupping your pussy, and you mewled when Din pushed them inside you.

Pumping his fingers to the same rhythm as you stroked his cock, your moans harmonized with his grunts as you both prepped the other. Heavy breaths filled the room as you fought to keep your eyes open and locked on his vizor. Din rested his helmeted forehead against yours as he thrust his fingers deeper inside you, causing you to cry out louder. But, being a professional, you kept your wits about you and squeezed his cock harder in response.  

Din groaned and let out an amused laugh, “Are you ready for me, mesh’la?” he cooed.

“Always,” you whispered back with a smirk of your own.

Another short huff echoed from his helmet as he murmured your name and pulled his fingers out of you. At the same time, you let go of his cock, your hand brushed against his as he reached for it to line himself up with your pussy. The two of you froze for a moment as your gazes met, and for a breath, time felt like it stopped.

A whirlwind of emotions ran through both of you as you stared at each other. It was as if you could both sense the other had something to say, and if you both had a secret you kept buried. Yet, it remained unspoken between the two of you. Your mouth dropped open and a deep breath escaped your lips, like you were about to put into words what neither of you would say.

Before you could, though, Din thrust his hips forward, driving his cock into you in one swift movement. Your head dropped down into the bed as you let out a loud, obscene moan as you felt the familiar stretch of his cock. 

“Din!” you cried out as he reeled back and thrust forward again.

“I know,” he grunted as he felt his skin sweat underneath all the armor. You had an effect on Din that no one else did. He lost all control when it came to you, especially when he was inside you. And the way you moan with every thrust of his hips only made him come more and more undone.

You cried out in ecstasy as Din rocked in and out of you in a fast and steady rhythm. Tears filled your eyes as you clutched the sheets. He made you feel something you had never felt before. And every time Din visited you, it became harder and harder to deny your growing feelings for him.

Passions ran wild as Din picked up his pace, thrusting deep into you harder and faster. He growled from under his helmet as he felt your warmth engulf his cock. Grabbing your hips, Din gave one harsh thrust, driving his length as deep inside you as he possibly could.

The gasp you let out when he did that made his cock twitch, and Din knew neither of you would last much longer. Din kept a strong grip on you as he repeated the action, changing his thrusts to slow and deep and deliberate.

“Fuck… Din…”

“I know,” he grunted.

You moved your grip from the sheets to his arms as you clung to him for dear life. With every slow, deep thrust, you felt your climax inch closer and closer and closer until you finally spilled over the edge. With a loud scream and trembling legs, you came hard on his cock. Squeezing your inner muscles as you gushed between your bodies, wave after wave of pleasure pulsed through your body as Din continued to thrust into you, hitting your sweet spot over and over again.

With a low groan of your name, Din came right after you. He spilled himself deep inside you as he drove his cock as deep as he could once more. Din kept his pace as long as he could, riding out both your orgasms as you moaned and groaned together, clawing at each other in desperation as you did so.

After one last thrust, Din pulled out of you. He watched as you collapsed onto the bed while he regained his composure. Heavy breaths filled the room as you both came down from your highs, and Din rested himself on the bed next to you in silence. His breath hitched in his throat as you immediately rolled close to him and nested yourself comfortably against his body.

“Hey,” you breathed, breaking the silence, “Is your bounty urgent or do you want to stay for the night?”

Din let out a short laugh, “He’s frozen in carbonite,” he sounded pleased with himself, “He’s not going anywhere.”

You smirked against his beaker chestplate as his unspoken acceptance lingered in the air like a comforting blanket between the two of you. Together, you laid in silence as Din wrapped his strong arms around you. Your heart pounded at the feeling of being in his arms, and you wished that it could be like this every night. But, he was a Mandalorian bounty hunter, there was no way that was in the future for you.

Suddenly, an explosion of fireworks echoed from outside, making you gasp and jump up with fright. Din tightened his grip around you, pulling you even closer and going on high alert. The two of you looked out the window as another color firework lit up the sky in the distance. More and more fireworks continued as the show went on, and in the distance you heard a crowd ooh and ahh at the marvel of the show.

Then the realization hit you. “Maker…” you breathed as you burst into nervous laughter, “Do you know what today is, Din?”

He turned to you but said nothing.

“It’s Lover’s Day!” you laughed more to cover the nerves. You just spent the evening of Lover’s Day with Din…

He seemed to mull over for several moments, his gaze moving down before he finally said, “So it is,” Din was quiet again as he turned back to you. 

Even without seeing his face, you felt your skin warm under his gaze. Somehow, you felt all his emotions just in the way he held you, and as Din moved his hand and cupped your face your world felt like it was spinning. You savored the warmth of his touch, and you let out a deep breath as you leaned into his hand and closed your eyes contently.

“Since it’s Lover’s Day,” Din was the one who broke the silence this time, “Let me take care of you…”

“Din…”

Carefully, Din rolled your bodies so that you laid on your back while he hovered over you. Looking up at him, your breath caught in your chest and your heart fluttered as he pushed himself down and settled between your parted legs. 

You let out a whine as heat rushed through your body. All you could do was swallow hard and moan in anticipation as you watched Din lean forward so that he hovered over your exposed pussy.

He murmured something incoherent before he rested his hand on your hips, gently pinning you in place. Not wanting to let go of you, Din used the leverage of your body to tilt his helmet up while he positioned his face over your folds.

A gasp escaped your lips when you felt his breath on your skin, “Din…” you whimpered as you closed your eyes tightly.

Din growled as he licked his lips before diving into you. The cry you let out sent a jolt through his veins, and combined with tasting you, Din almost lost all his composure. “Fuck,” he groaned against you before he lapped at your cunt again.

His hips bucked against the bed as he savored the sweetness of your pussy. Din groaned into you as his hands gripped you tighter, as if he couldn’t get enough of you. And the way you moaned and cried out in pure bliss only added to the overwhelming sensations and emotions he felt.

Not having expected this, tears quickly filled your eyes and your mind and body floated in the pleasure that Din’s tongue brought you. With every lap of his tongue, you felt a shock of pleasure tingle through your veins. And it wasn’t because he physically made you feel good either. It was the act itself, Din putting himself into a vulnerable position just to lick and suck at your pussy, and doing this for you.

It had to mean something, right?

“Fuck… Din…” you whimpered as you moved your grip from the sheets to his wrists, finding just the tiny sliver of skin under his armor.

Din grunted into you as he pushed his face more against your body. His hands shifted slightly so that his fingers curled around yours, holding both your hand and your hips at the same time. As much as he wanted to murmur soft words of encouragement, to tell you to cum in his mouth, he also couldn’t tear himself away. From the first taste, Din was addicted to you, and he already knew he wanted more… Wanted you.

Your legs trembled on either side of his helmet as you felt your body warm as your climax was about to hit. Without warning, you came hard with a loud scream, arching your back off the bed and gushing into Din’s mouth as your cries of pleasure filled the room.

He slurped and sucked at your folds as he tongue hit your clit over and over again, allowing you to ride out your orgasm on his tongue. And Din greedily lapped up every drop of your release, swallowing as much of you as he could. His grip on you tightened as he moaned against your body, lapping at you until you couldn’t take any more.

With one final gasp, you flopped down limp on the bed as Din broke away from you with a huff. His helmet slid down to cover his face in one smooth motion as he sat up and licked at the corners of his mouth from under the cover of his armor.  He watched you with captivate fascination as your breasts rose and fell with your deep, heavy breaths as you recovered from your intense climax.

There were so many words on the tip of his tongue. So many things that Din wanted to tell you. The tension in the air was so thick that it almost overpowered the smell of sex in the room. Din ran his hands up and down your body, gently caressing you and letting his touch speak for him instead.

“Din,” you murmured as you broke the silence and blinked your eyes open to meet his armored figure in the low light, “I…”

He moved his hand to the side of your face, not covering your mouth but the motion itself paused your thoughts. He said nothing as he pushed himself up to your face, stopping for a moment to rest his helmeted forehead against your own. As the two of you sat like that for a few moments, he brushed your cheek with his finger tenderly. Din whispered your name as he broke away, moving his hand to cover your eyes as he did so. 

Your lips pasted with a gasp, yet you stayed still, fully trusting the Mandalorian. With your eyes covered by his large hand, your world went black. Faintly, you heard a hiss in front of you, but before you could ask what was happening, you felt something on your skin. His breath.

Din pulled his helmet up just enough to uncover half of his face. His lips felt cold as the air hit his skin, but he was instantly warmed again when he pressed his lips to yours. He swallowed the moan you let out as he kissed you for the very first time. Tightening his grip on you, Din pushed himself even closer against you, desperate to feel you as close as possible.

You surrendered yourself to him willingly. Tilting your head, you were mindful to keep your eyes covered as you deepened the kiss by parting your lips for him. Din eagerly accepted the silent invitation, and you both moaned into the other when you tased each other for the first time. The fireworks continued around you, but the only explosions either of you cared about were the ones happening between you.

“I know,” Din murmured against your lips when he reluctantly broke away from you.

You let out a deep breath against his face, and you knew he felt your smile against his skin. Din placed one last kiss on your lips, lingering on yours for several moments before he pulled away and dropped his helmet back down.

Blinking your eyes open, you grinned when you were met with the familiar silhouette in the darkness once more. A soft smile lit up your face, and it made Din’s chest tighten with the sincere look in your eyes. Just as you were about to say something, though, a knock at the door made both of you jump to attention.

Din was quick to stand and shift into attack mode. Out of pure reflex, his hand reached for his blaster, ready to protect you.

“Wait,” you grabbed his wrist with one hand as you reached for your robe with the other, “It might be another client. Hang on,” you slid the robe over your shoulders and wrapped it around you as you moved around the Mandalorian.

He didn’t stray far from you, hovering behind you as you opened the door and recognized the man who stood on the other side, “Hey, I’ve got an overnight tonight,” you told him in a kind voice, “Can you come back tomorrow? I promise I’ll leave a time open for you.”

The man stuttered as he suddenly felt nervous as the Mandalorian glared at him from over your shoulder, “Y-yeah,” he finally said, “Sure… Sorry,” he mumbled before he turned and left.

Closing and locking the door, you turned back to Din and shook your head as you grinned, “He’s a nice guy,” you explained to him, “One of my best tippers too… So please try not to scare away my source of income.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled an apology as he visibly relaxed. Din had no issue with what you did for a living, he only had your safety and best interest in mind. He had seen you mistreated once before, and while he knew it was a rarity, Din never wanted to see you hurt ever again. Especially not if he could prevent it and protect you. 

“Let’s lay down,” you said softly as you reached your hand out to him. Your heart fluttered for a moment as he took your hand and allowed you to lead him back to the bed where you both made yourselves comfortable. Din immediately pulled you in close and held you in his embrace. 

Settling down for the night, you never felt more safe than you did right now, in Din’s arms. Yawning heavily, you felt the exhaustion start to overcome you once more, and you knew soon you would be sound asleep, “Hey Din,” you muttered sleepily, “Happy Lover’s Day.”

Din’s breath hitched in his throat as you quickly started to snore softly. He looked forward to nights like this, nights with you. And it was pure coincidence that he happened to come to you on Lover’s Day. But perhaps it wasn't a coincidence. Perhaps he was meant to be here tonight… with you. As Din listened to your steady breaking while you slept, he leaned in and whispered, “Happy Lover’s Day, cyare.” 

[five-bi-five-mind]

request where you’re rossi’s daughter and work for the BAU and you and emily start dating but keep it a secret until you get hurt on the job and she won’t leave your side and saying that she loves you and when you wake up she kisses you in front of the team and everyone is like, “yes!!” and rossi is just confused

Overprotective

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x fem!Reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt & Comfort

Words: 7k+

Summary: Ever since you and Emily entered a relationship, she got a little too protective of you. It didn't help that she was also your boss, but still you didn't love that she was holding you back from doing your job. It also didn't help that your father figure worked with you, that was two people holding you back from your job. So when you finally put your foot down with Emily and got out in the field once more, none of you expected what would happen next...

Warnings: Blood mention; hospital scenes; mentions of car accidents; mentions of head trauma.

A/N: I'm so bad at descriptions... Anyways, this is my own take on the request. And also proud of myself for kinda posting three fics back to back. This one is a lil late but still one a day so far. Yayyyy 1k celebration continues lol

Emily was an overworrier. She always had been, but when it came to you.. well, she took things to a whole new level.

To say she was protective of you was an understatement and honestly it caused some tension in your relationship. She had been in the BAU far longer than you, but you were an agent too and had been for a few years now. Either way, even if Emily was your girlfriend, in the workplace she treated you like a rookie. 

Most of the team just thought she was hard on you. No one really knew that you two were a little more than colleagues. It hasn’t even been long since you two realized you had feelings for each other, but as soon as you did everything just clicked. You both fell fast and hard to say the least. 

And in that time Emily got more and more protective. There were some curious eyes, people had their suspicions. One person in particular changed the way he looked at your interactions and any time he was near, it made your palms sweat and your stomach twist. Rossi was always one to keep a close eye on you. He was protective too, just like Emily, if not even more so. It wasn’t like you could blame either of them though. 

Rossi was the closest thing to a father you ever knew; he watched you grow up and make your way to your position at the BAU. He never pulled strings, he never asked for favors. Rossi made it clear that you earned this position and everyone who worked with you saw just how true that was. So of course, he was a proud and protective man when it came to you. Just as Emily was a proud and protective girlfriend.

But as you and Emily got closer you could tell it piqued his interest. He would linger in a room if you two were left behind by the rest of the team. He'd stop and peek around a corner if he saw Emily get a little too close when she needed to discuss a case. You weren’t blind either, you were trained to notice things and you definitely noticed the way his brow furrowed as he tried to figure out what was going on.

He even asked you about it once, approaching you with innocent curiosity to which you tried your best to shrug off.

His question was simple, he had you trapped in a car as he was driving you home so his timing was perfect. You literally couldn’t avoid him without jumping out. So when he said “do you want to tell me what’s going on between you and Emily?”  All you could think to answer was “it’s complicated” and, yeah, that was true. 

Luckily for you he just gave you a skeptical “alright, kid.” Before turning his attention back to the road. The amount of relief you felt when he didn’t pry any further was immense. 

You told Emily that night over the phone that he questioned you and she tried her best to keep her distance from you in public ever since. The overprotectiveness was still there, but so was this awkward silence that happened whenever another member of the team was alone with the two of you.

Not only was Emily’s overprotective nature a problem, but now so was all this secretiveness. Something which you point blank told Emily needed to change. She was hesitant, worried about how it may look for both of you, but especially you. The man who raised you was on your team and now you were dating the boss. Yeah, some people might point to nepotism, but your work spoke for itself. Plus, the team knows and respects you enough to understand that wasn’t the case. 

Emily still refused and insisted you both wait a bit longer, to which you begrudgingly agreed. You didn’t love being a secret but you also weren’t about to leave the woman you were head over heels for just because of a tricky situation. 

So when you agreed to wait you still let Emily know you both couldn’t hide forever. Her overprotective nature would get her busted, or Rossi would see something he shouldn’t, or hell maybe another member of the BAU would put the pieces together. Both of you were, after all, surrounded by profilers. It was everyone’s job to be perceptive. 

Emily still exuded confidence when she said she was sure it would happen on both of your terms. Of course, not everything is that simple. Especially not after today. 

—————————————————————-

This case was brutal. Many people had gotten injured in their past pursuit of the unsub and each time the unsub slipped away. The team had been on this case longer than most and was following as best they could. 

You were deep in this case too, following every development and giving your insight as best you could. Emily was not happy. She insisted you stay back at the police station you were helping rather than be out in the field. Even more, she had tried to convince you to stay all the way back at Quantico, but of course that wasn't going to fly. You won that fight by convincing Emily if you stayed back her exaggerated concern for your safety would be evident and people would get suspicious. She was frustrated, but she agreed. 

But even then as you two made your way to the precinct for this case, you both argued back and forth. Emily begged you to stay still and work behind the scenes, but you weren’t going to do that when the rest of the team was putting themselves in direct danger. That included both Emily and Rossi. 

“It’s not like you wouldn’t be helping! We need a member there, to keep an eye on what comes in.” Emily was so stubbornly insistent. 

“Okay, but that’s what the general police force is for.” You tried your best to stand your ground. “I’m going out in the field with the rest of you, Emily. I’m tired of being sidelined, because you don’t think I’m capable.” 

“It’s not that!” Emily’s voice was raised as she tried to defend her position. Lucky for the both of you, this fight escalated in the privacy of your own hotel room. One that you very sneakily and strategically booked right next to Emily and no one else. “Even Rossi would say this is a bad idea.”

“Don’t bring Rossi into this! Of course, he’d say that he’s almost as bad as you are.” Saying Rossi would back anything up for Emily was just another sign that your girlfriend and your father figure were way too protective of you. It was starting to get very old very fast. “You know, Emily, this whole protective girlfriend thing is really not working out if it’s also interfering with my work here as part of the team.” 

“What are you saying?” Emily looked at you with skepticism in her eyes. You knew you were taking this argument one step further, but you couldn’t help it. 

“I’m saying that if we’re to have a relationship this has to be an equal partnership.” Emily was full on glaring at you now, but you weren’t finished. “We can’t have that if you shield me from everything like a child!” 

“I am not shielding you!” Emily threw back with clear frustration written all over your face. 

“Yes, Emily, you are.” 

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” Emily’s frustration dropped immediately at that and you almost felt sorry for the way you were putting your foot down. She looked vulnerable at that moment and genuinely concerned. You knew she was; you knew the thought of anything happening to you killed her because it did the same for you when you thought about her being in direct danger. Still, you were part of the team and you needed to pull your weight. You were not going to be sidelined just because you were the boss’ girlfriend. 

“I know that,” you sighed. “But you have to trust that I’m capable of taking care of myself while we work. It’s part of the job. I wouldn’t be here if I couldn’t.” 

“It’s not that I don’t trust you.”

“Then what is it? Really, Emily, what is it?” You felt that frustration bubble up in you again. “If it’s about worrying if I’d get hurt, don’t you think I have that same worry about you? But I don’t try to convince you to stay back. If you really trust my abilities as part of this team you wouldn’t be so up in arms about the idea of me actively working on this case. So do you? Do you really trust me as a member of this team?” 

“I do, but…” Emily trailed off. That “but” said it all for you and you just nodded. It told you she didn’t think you were as capable as the rest of the team, as skilled. You worked your ass off to get here and even your own girlfriend didn’t think you were ready for this position. That stung. 

“I think you should go,” you nodded towards the door to your hotel room. “I need time alone.”

Emily went to speak but stopped herself when you gave her a pleading look to at least respect your need for space. She looked almost like a sad puppy with her head hung low as she walked out the door. 

It wasn’t a great way to end the night, and the tension between you two was certainly palpable throughout the rest of the day. That is, until the accident happened. 

—————————————————————

No one saw it coming. How could they? The MO of the unsub was calculation, even when backed into a corner. So when the team got so close they found the unsubs home and you got the call to come quick, no one expected him to take off full speed in a hijacked car. And what was worse was the lack of eyes on where he went as he sped through a suburb to escape. 

You were riding shotgun while Alvez swerved the car around and whipped through the streets upon being informed that the unsub was on the run. What you were looking for was a man on foot, not even aware of his hot wiring abilities. So when a car rammed straight into the passenger side of Alvez’s SUV at top speed, shock flooded both your systems right before everything went dark.  

When you regained consciousness, if you could even really say that you did, all you heard were sirens and yelling. Hands were yanking at you and with each moment they jostled you, sharp pain shot through your entire body. There were sounds of gurgled coughs that hit your ears closer than the yelling that surrounded you and eventually, as you felt warm liquid drip from your lips, you realized those sounds were coming from you. The taste of iron in your mouth mixed with the horrible pounding of your head was making you nauseous.

Your eyes cracked open, but everything around you was a blur. You managed to turn your head, wincing in pain at that simple movement, and saw who was tugging at you. Even if your vision was severely hindered, you knew who it was.

When the accident happened, most of the team wasn’t far behind, leaving everyone chasing the unsub watch helplessly as he smashed into the car Alvez drove. When that happened, Emily made a mad dash out of her own SUV straight to where you were. Now, Emily was trying her best to tug the seat belt strapped to your body, her hands trying to check your whole torso. Your eyes moved to her hands, your head lulling further down with your gaze than you meant to move it as you tried to look. The blurred form of her fingertips were covered in a crimson red and it just confirmed your suspicion that you were losing blood. 

“Hold on, just– Just hold on, okay?” Emily’s voice felt like an echo in a tunnel, so far away from you. Still, though it only faintly hit your ears, you could hear her worry. Your heart squeezed, knowing that you were somehow the cause. You tried to will your hands to cover hers, not sure if they were actually moving for you like you wished. 

Emily stopped her frantic check of your body. “Help is coming soon, okay?” Her hands pressed to your face, your own blood smeared to your cheeks as she held your head up for you. “Stay with me, you have to stay with me. Keep your eyes open, okay?”

The words felt like they were getting further and further away, even if you were aware of the fingertips pressed to your cheeks. Your eyes squinted, as if you thought that would clear the fog that clouded your vision. It didn’t, but still you tried to hear Emily and to will yourself to listen. 

At this point, Emily’s hands were the only thing that was keeping your head from falling back. The strength to keep your eyes open and your head up was way too much for you. Your limbs were feeling heavier too, and your body was feeling cold, as if your veins turned to ice. 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Emily’s voice was pleading. “Keep those eyes on me, okay love? Keep them on me.” They were slipping; you were slipping. You could feel the heaviness of your eyelids as you gave all your remaining strength to keep them open. 

In the distance, you thought maybe you could hear the sound of heavy footsteps rushing up towards the both of you. Hands were on you again, this time rougher, as the ones on your cheeks were pried away.

“Ma’am, step back,” a voice ordered. You didn’t hear a reply, the horrible jostling of your body had another anguished groan rip from your lips. A sob followed, but you thought it couldn’t possibly be you. Your body didn’t feel like it was capable of doing anything else other than succumb to the pain. Before you could feel your body be fully removed from the mangled car, your eyes slipped shut. The last thought you had was of Emily’s request and your guilt for not being able to fulfill it. Consciousness quickly slipped from your body the minute your eyes fell shut, your head finally falling back. 

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She was a mess. The way you looked, so broken and bleeding in that car had been forever burned into her brain. The last conversation she had with you was replaying through her mind as her foot anxiously tapped on the hospital’s dull white floors. 

Half the team sat next to her. Each one of them looked the exact same as her, just as worried. Rossi was going through many different stages of emotions. Anger at what had happened, denial that you could even possibly be teetering on the edge of death, and then worry that he might never see your bright smile again. 

The car had been totaled, your side crunched in with many different injures scattering your body. When the paramedics came they dragged you away so fast without giving Emily the chance to come with you. Luckily, Alvez wasn’t too badly injured, a mild concussion and some cuts from the broken glass. Minimal stitches needed, so Emily didn’t have to worry about it. It was you that she was spiraling over. She had never hopped in her car and sped faster than she did today. The worst thoughts were going through her head all the while. 

What would happen if you died before she got to the hospital? What would happen if you died on the table? The worry that ensnared her made her hands tremble as she sat and kept rubbing anxiously at her knuckles. 

Your blood still stained her clothes too, but she had long washed it off her fingertips. Tara had recommended she get a change of clothes from the hotel, but she had adamantly refused. To most of the team, they thought she was just feeling guilty for giving in to your insistence on being in the field. Although, how anyone, even Reid, could see this incident coming, would’ve been impossible. 

Another good thing, if Emily could even call it good, was that the accident incapacitated the unsub. This easily allowed Reid and JJ to apprehend him and make the arrest. Meanwhile, Emily was busy running to you and desperately trying to find some possible way to help you from dying right there in front of her. There was a lot of blood, a lot of glass that shattered and slashed through your skin on almost all of your body. From small cuts, to large ones, from the few moments she had with you, it looked pretty brutal. Not to mention, now that someone had talked to her once she arrived at the hospital, that there was internal bleeding and you had quite the head injury. 

They had rushed you into surgery the minute the EMTs made it in with your broken body. Emily was informed of everything first, then Alvez since he was already at the hospital getting checked out. Maybe about twenty minutes had gone by since Emily was informed about everything before Rossi came bursting in. 

Rossi was definitely on a warpath when he arrived too, his worry for you turning into anger. At first he blamed Alvez for not being a better vigilant driver, then Emily convinced him to turn his anger towards her. After all, she was the one who let you go out in the field, but then when Tara came in during his tirade towards Emily, she was the key to keeping the peace. She was surprisingly calming for everyone that waited at the hospital for you. With Rossi, she redirected his anger towards the unsub until he settled down into his quiet worry that he was currently exhibiting now. Then, with Emily, Tara just urged her to sit down before sitting right next to her.

When Tara saw the way Emily was angrily rubbing at the skin of her knuckles, she placed a gentle hand over Emily’s. “I know,” Tara spoke softly. “But she’s a fighter, you know that.”

Emily looked up at Tara as she spoke, her eyes searching the other woman’s. Tara looked back at her with a knowing look, but one that also showed conviction for her own words. 

All Emily could muster at that was a nod, but her words did help. Emily knew you were strong, even if she was doing a shitty job of showing you that she thought that. Truth is, she knew deep down that no one could have guessed that this would happen. She knew you were right, she couldn’t keep shielding you from everything if you were part of her team. It wasn’t like she could’ve ever tried to shield you from this. It could’ve happened to anyone, not just a member of her team. The worst part was that, of course, it had to happen to you. 

Even if she knew she couldn’t shield you from what happened, even if she understood that it could’ve been anyone’s car that the unsub rammed head first into, there was still a harrowing part of her that told her this was her fault. If she had listened to you and put you in the field maybe you would’ve been fine. It surely would guarantee you were in a different place than that damned car. You’d be with Reid and JJ, two other capable members of the team, and not in a car completely oblivious to the dangers that hit you head on before you even arrived. Emily knew she couldn’t think like that, but she couldn’t help that she did. Usually she was rational, collected, she had to be in her position. Except, she never thought she would fall for a co-worker and she certainly didn’t predict her overbearing need to protect you that came with all of it.

But now, as Emily sat and helplessly waited for any updates on you, she began to bargain with herself. If you pulled out of this Emily would never stop you from going out in the field again. It was clear that her actions to keep you safe by keeping you behind were futile, so if you were in the field at least you would be with other members of the team. Capable members who had your back the same way you wanted to have theirs. To agree with you and let you go out, if anything, would stop you from ever looking at her with such hurt and disappointment ever again. That look, when you kicked her out of your hotel room the night before, haunted her.

Emily refused to believe that could possibly be the last conversation you had with her, the last look she got from you. Usually, you looked at her with such love and joy, but this was different. Emily had spent that whole night, barely sleeping, her thoughts wrapped up in the way you looked so utterly betrayed. If that was her last conversation with you, how would you ever know that she did trust you, that she did know you were strong and capable? It was just that you were the most meaningful thing she’s ever had in her life and she was still learning how to handle that. But she would do better if you pulled through. You had to pull through so she could get the chance to do better.

Luckily for Emily, she was pulled out of her thoughts by a doctor approaching the group. Emily shot up immediately when she realized she was about to be approached with news on your condition. Her body stood rigid, her hands still trembling and balled into fists at her side. Tara put a reassuring hand on Emily’s shoulder and Emily took a deep, grounding breath, able to calm herself a bit with Tara’s supportive presence.

“How is she?” Emily’s voice sounded raw as she spoke. Tears hadn’t been shed since she was ripped from your crumpled body, as she had stopped herself before she entered the hospital. Yet she was still a wreck with how many emotions were flowing through her and with how hard she was being on herself. 

“She’s stable,” the doctor reassured. “We found the cause of the bleeding and now she’s in recovery.”

“Oh, thank god,” Emily breathed out. It felt like her whole body deflated, all the fear she was holding finally washing away. There was still guilt and worry there, but now she had more reassurance that you would be okay. 

“Can we see her?” Tara spoke up, her eyes flicking to Emily for a brief second before they turned back to the doctor. Emily looked back at Tara, knowing that Tara was asking the question for Emily rather than herself or the rest of the team. So, it seemed your worries were right, at least one member of the team noticed the two of you. Although, Emily didn’t really care at this moment. They could all know after this, Emily wasn’t ready to hide her care for you, not when she almost lost you. Screw anyone who was watching, Emily just needed to see you and somehow, Tara understood that. 

“Soon,” the doctor replied. “She’s being set up with a room. She’ll need to stay and be monitored for at least a few days.” 

Tara nodded at this. “Thank you, doctor,” she responded before turning back to Emily. “I’m going to go get you a change of clothes and something to eat for all of us, okay?”

“You don’t have to-” Emily was cut off by Tara’s gentle hand placed to her forearm. 

“I don’t think you want to leave right now.” Tara gave Emily a knowing smile. “Go tell Rossi and Alvez the news, I think I saw Rossi switch to pacing down that hall,” she pointed to where Rossi had waltzed off to. “And then text me with her room number. I’ll be back.”

“Thank you,” Emily whispered. Tara just nodded and turned, leaving Emily alone to grab the two others. When the news was broken to Rossi, his whole demeanor changed. Just like Emily, all the fear fled his body, and he was left to sit next to Emily and wait. 

It was silent between them all as they waited for an update on when they could see you. Emily was trying her best to sit as still as possible, what with Rossi glancing over at her every once in a while. His gaze was scrutinizing now, rather than angry, but Emily still wondered if he blamed her for the position you were in. 

When they were finally told they could go see you, Emily didn’t hide her anxious scurrying. It wasn’t a race, but if anyone who didn’t know them saw the way both Emily and Rossi hurried down the hospital halls, Alvez in tow, they’d think they were competing for first place. Rossi got their first, Emily backing off since she figured she already did enough to anger him for one day. After all, he was practically your father, he should be the one to confirm you were okay first. 

As he got into the room, Emily heard him take a deep breath before exhaling in relief. Emily, however, did not feel any relief when her eyes settled on your unconscious form. There were angry bruises across your skin on any part of your body that was visible to her. Bandages wrapped around random parts of your arms, some small ones stuck to your face. The way you looked almost lifeless had Emily swallowing hard. It was only the steady rhythm of your heart monitor that reassured her, you were still alive. 

Rossi seemed to be in way better spirits as he pulled up a hospital chair to your bed and placed his hand on yours. “That’s my girl,” he said to your sleeping form. “Knew you were a fighter.” 

Emily’s heart clenched at the love he was showing for you. More guilt flooded her mind as she watched him look at you with all the love a father would have for his daughter. Emily swallowed hard again, her nerves spiking for some reason as she took a few steps closer to your sleeping form. 

Alvez was kind enough to pull a chair closer to your hospital bed for both himself and Emily. They both sat at the opposite side of Rossi and Emily couldn’t help but keep her eyes glued to him for a minute. Part of her wondered, as she watched him gently stroke the top of your hand, if he’d ever accept her as your partner now. There was a suspicion he held for her since you started at the BAU and got closer to Emily that made her nervous to go public. She trusted Rossi with her life and she knew he felt the same, but did he trust her with you? Would he ever after this? 

Her eyes fell back down to your face, noticing a lock of your hair fallen on your cheek. With a shaking hand, Emily brushed the hair from your face, her fingertips brushing your skin as she did. Your face twitched for a moment and Emily retreated her hand, her body perking up. This was the first time you’ve moved. Another reminder that you were pulling through, Emily cherished that tiny twitch of your cheek like it held all the meaning in the world. No one else seemed to notice, but this small movement made Emily think touch might be the key to having you open your eyes. And, while Emily understood you needed time to wake up from the whole ordeal, she also so desperately needed to see you open her eyes. 

Unfortunately for her, you didn’t wake up any time soon. The remainder of the evening, you stayed asleep, something that the doctors reassured all of you was absolutely to be expected. For hours, Emily held one hand while Rossi held the other. Eventually, Tara came back with a change of clothes, to which Emily begrudgingly agreed to rip herself away from you and change. They were also all given food, to which Rossi and Alvez gladly took, but Emily refused. Tara opted to just leave it by her, in hopes she would feel up to eating soon. 

When it was becoming quite late, Tara, Alvez, and even Rossi planned to return to the hotel. However, Emily insisted on staying right there, in that chair, for the rest of the night. There was no way in hell you were going to wake up alone in that hospital room, she decided. Tara urged Emily to reconsider, saying she needed rest, but Emily insisted she would be fine sleeping right there on that hospital chair. Rossi remained quiet the whole time, eyeing the two of them discussing Emily’s decision, before Tara finally gave in and left with the others.

Emily didn’t really sleep, her eyes were glued to you the whole time. Her hand left yours, only to stroke your cheek as you slept. She whispered different things to you, talking about how much she loved you and how badly she felt. It was heartbreaking for her to sit here with you, even if you were going to be okay, there was still part of Emily that wouldn’t trust that until she could look into your eyes and hear your voice. 

When the sun rose and you still hadn’t opened your eyes, Emily’s anxiety was through the roof. A doctor eventually came in to check on you and as he did, Emily couldn’t stop the flood of questions she forced onto him about your condition. She was reassured over and over again this was to be expected, you’d wake up when you were ready, and that you were just fine as far as they knew. What she didn’t like hearing was the last comment, “we’ll know more when she’s awake.” As if there was some hidden threat to your health and wellbeing that none of the doctors knew yet. She dwelled on that thought for far too long. So long, in fact, that when afternoon came and the team all filed in to see you, she was still chewing on that piece of information.

Rossi, upon arrival, sat right back where he was the night before. This time a little more relaxed, his hands cradling a cup of coffee rather than your own like he did the night before. He seemed more confident, less shaken. Emily wished she could say the same about herself. 

When Tara came in to see you, she stopped next to Emily, her hand placed gently on yours with a pitying smile on her face as she looked down at your unconscious form. “You need to wake up soon,” she whispered to you. “Emily’s worried sick and I know you wouldn’t want her to worry.” Emily watched, knowing that you probably didn’t hear any of those words, but hearing Tara say them gave her an odd sense of reassurance that it was okay to be more open about her feelings for you. Maybe if Tara knew, the others did too. And if they didn’t, well at least it seemed like Tara was in Emily’s corner. 

“As for you,” Tara turned towards Emily. “Have you left this room?”

Emily looked up at Tara sheepishly. She was busted. Of course she hadn’t left. What if she missed it when you finally opened your eyes? Or worse. What if she missed it if your condition unexpectedly took a turn? 

“I’m sure you haven’t slept either,” Tara continued. “You need to at least eat something and maybe also walk around a little. It will be good for you.”

“I don’t want to leave her,” Emily insisted. “Not yet.”

“She’ll be right here when you get back.” This time it was Rossi who spoke. Emily was shocked at this, he hadn’t really said much to her since he blew up when you were in critical condition. Emily didn’t blame him for that, but she did think it would take awhile before he felt okay about her again. “She’s okay now, Emily. I wouldn’t have left if she wasn’t.” 

Rossi’s words hit Emily hard. It seemed like he knew more too, but Emily didn’t question it right now either. He would know eventually, especially after her behavior surrounding this ordeal. “Okay,” Emily’s voice broke as she spoke. “Okay, I could use some coffee.” 

Rossi nodded his approval and Emily stood on shaky legs. Her whole being screamed at her not to leave, but she knew she would be no help to anyone if she passed out from exhaustion. Plus, it did feel good to finally stretch her body after being hunched over you in that uncomfortable chair overnight. 

“But if anything happens,” Emily turned to speak again, “you call me immediately.” 

“Of course,” Tara reassured and Emily willed her legs again to move as she exited your room. 

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emily hated to admit they were all right. It felt good to stretch her legs and as she made her way back from the hospital cafeteria, the taste of warm coffee was comforting. She was already exhausted, practically running on empty before any of the team had returned to your hospital room. Hopefully, the coffee would give her a much needed boost. Or, at the very least, keep her awake long enough to see you open your eyes again. She really hoped it would happen soon. At this point, with each passing minute, it was getting more painful to see your unconscious body lying barely patched together in that hospital room. 

What Emily didn’t expect was that she didn’t have to wait much longer. As she rounded the corner to your hospital room, she heard louder, more animated talking than when the team first arrived to see you. She thought it was curious and her steps hastened as she made her way to the room. When she got to the doorway, she stopped in her tracks, her coffee slipping from her hands. 

The coffee hit the floor with a splatter, causing everyone to pause and look over to her, but she didn’t care at all. Right in front of her, she finally saw you, barely sitting up, but still in a different position than she had left you. More importantly, as she took in your form, her eyes moving from where your body had shifted all the way up to your face, she saw them. Curious, open eyes peering back at her. The eyes of the woman she loved so much, finally open and looking straight at her.

“Oh, thank god,” Emily whispered, taking long strides towards you. She practically pushed Reid out of the way to get to you, and then Alvez too, who was standing right at your side. “You’re awake,” Emily exhaled as she stopped right next to your bed. Her body was moving without her even thinking. Trembling fingers pressed themselves to either side of your face, much like they had when she found you trapped and bleeding in that car. This time, with gentle care, despite all her haste, she turned your face to hers and pressed her lips against yours for a long, but gentle kiss. 

“You’re awake,” she mumbled against your lips. “You’re awake, you’re awake.” Her lips pressed to yours again and you weakly kissed back. As much as you wanted to kiss her with as much emotion as she was giving you, you were still a bit dazed from everything. Still, relief flooded your body when her lips pressed to yours. The first thought when you woke, and were told of what happened, was how angry Emily might be. After all, she had insisted you stayed back to keep from getting hurt. And here you were, in a hospital room, recovering from a major surgery as a direct result of getting hurt on the job. 

Emily left another lingering kiss on your lips. “I love you,” she whispered between soft kisses. “I’m so sorry, I love you.”

A throat was cleared in the room and Emily snapped out of her stupor. She pulled back, guilty eyes looking over to Rossi, but hands never leaving you, just dropping to rest on your shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Emily repeated, this time to the whole room. “It’s just-”

“I’m the one who should be sorry,” you interrupted Emily before she could spiral. Your voice was hoarse as you spoke, trying your best to clear it, you knew you had some apologies to make. “I should’ve listened and stayed behind. I am so sorry, Emily.”

At this point, you honestly weren’t going to hide anymore of your emotions from the group. The cat was already out of the bag, what with Emily striding in, kissing you, and declaring her love for you in front of everyone. Plus, you were stuck hooked up to an IV and other odd wires, so you couldn’t move. It was rude to kick everyone out of the hospital room so you two could talk, but this couldn’t wait. She had to know how sorry you were.

“I know I worried you,” you continued. 

Emily was shaking her head furiously. “No, it’s not your fault and you’re right. I’m too overprotective.”

“That’s an understatement,” you heard Alvez snort from the back of the room. 

Emily turned back to glare, the tension in the room leaving when a few others chimed in with a chuckle. Now that you were awake, it was like everyone was able to breathe out. You seemed fine, the doctor that Tara grabbed when she noticed your eyes flutter open, promised you were fine. Emily was probably going to need a lot of convincing before she could truly trust that you were fine. Especially since she was out getting coffee when the doctor came, but it seemed some of her tension was even finally leaving. 

The whole group talked for a little bit, with Emily seated by your side again. Her hand gently and carefully trailed over your arm as all of you spoke. When requesting water, both Emily and Rossi jumped at the chance to get it for you. It was honestly a little endearing to see them act like this, but you couldn’t stop the roll of your eyes when Rossi beat her to get up and fetch a nurse for your request. 

When water was brought to you, Emily helped you sit up, a strong hand on your back as you winced while trying to move. The flash of pain in your face didn’t go unnoticed by Emily and a large frown was written on her face as she brought the cup of water to your lips. Rossi stayed silent, his eyes glued to the two of you, switching back and forth from watching your face and Emily’s.

“I figured it out yesterday,” he finally broke his own silence. “So, you and Emily are together then?”

You nodded hesitantly, Emily’s hand withdrawing from you for a moment in hesitation. 

“I knew there was something. How long have you two…” Rossi trailed off, letting either of you put a label to what you two were, not wanting to be too presumptuous himself.

“Oh!” Reid chimed in. “We have bets on- oof!” He was cut off by a strong elbow to the rib from Alvez, effectively shutting himself up. 

“Maybe about a month since I started at the BAU,” you said sheepishly, looking back at Rossi like you were a child who just got busted for cutting class. In the back of the room, you heard some whispering between some of the team, a couple of disappointed voices in who was wrong and who was right. It didn’t matter what they were saying though, both you and Emily had your eyes glued to Rossi, waiting for any sort of reaction.

His brow furrowed for a minute, a small frown playing on his lips. It was embarrassing that the heart monitor was giving away the increase in your heart rate, but no one seemed to comment.

“I wish you would’ve told me sooner,” Rossi finally sighed. “But if anyone were to date you,” he looked up at the two of you, “I’m glad it’s you, Emily. You’ll take good care of her.”

Emily nodded, her hand squeezing your arm where it rested. She looked down at you and you met her eyes, seeing all of the love she had for you fill them the instant they met. It seemed that everyone had approved of the two of you. Emily honestly felt a little silly and even more guilty about trying to keep the relationship a secret, but she also had never felt more relief in her life.

You were okay. The team and, more importantly, your father figure, knew about the two of you. Rossi was right, she would take care of you. She would make sure she didn’t hold you back, and she knew she still had some making up to do from that last fight in your hotel room, but she would do better. She had the second chance and you didn’t seem upset about it all. Instead, you both were just relieved to have each other. When you were healed and ready to get back to work, you both would talk, but Emily promised herself she would find a way to trust your capability a little more. You, meanwhile, promised yourself you would find more patience and understanding for her worry over you. 

This whole situation was terrifying for everyone involved, but you and Emily had to admit that you grew from it. As you regained your strength, your body wasn’t the only thing healing and strengthening. Your relationship was healing from the fight too and your love for each other, now that it was out in the open, was stronger than ever.

Taglist: @geekyandgay98 @desperate-gay @finleyfray @natashamaximoff69 @high--power @demonicbaby666 @storiesofsvu

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[margowritesthings]

MARGO'S 1K CELEBRATION I - TROPE BINGO

Y'ALL. I can't believe this. 1,000 is such a mind boggling number to me, considering these weird word children would otherwise just be sitting in my brain on their own. I can't thank you enough for your support over the last year. this blog is one of the best things that has happened to be, and now that i'm pursuing my dream of becoming a published writer i truly believe it has changed the course of my life. YOU have changed my life. thank you for being there to read and support. i love y'all.

soooo reading and writing romance is basically my only prsonality trait, so why not celebrate 1k followers with the thing that got me here! im putting you guys as the star role in your own romance- follow along the steps below and send me an ask with your trope and character selection + any extra info.

STEP 1 - PICK A TROPE (please pick up to 3 tropes!)

➼ friends to lovers ➼ enemies to lovers ➼ s/he falls first ➼ one night stand ➼ grumpy x sunshine ➼ small town ➼ billionaire ➼ mafia ➼ forced proximity ➼ marriage of convenience ➼ fake dating ➼ second chance ➼ one bed ➼ childhood sweethearts ➼ surprise pregnancy ➼ why choose? (send up to 3 characters for a reverse harem ship) ➼ random!- i will use a generator ➼ writer's choice- i will choose based on your profile (mutuals only)

STEP 2 - PICK A SHIP there are 3 ways to get your ship:

➼choose a fandom (or multiple fandoms) from the below list and I will choose for you (the more info about yourself you provide the better this choice will be) ➼choose a specific character from the fandoms in the list (or multiple and I will choose) ➼(mutuals only) tell me your fandoms and I will choose for you based on your profile/what i know about you/what you provide me with (even if the fandom ISNT on the list below)

FANDOMS PARTICIPATING IN THIS CELEBRATION: ➼ red dead redemption ➼ bridgerton ➼ marvel ➼ starfield ➼ fallout ➼ skyrim ➼ stardust ➼ star wars ➼ doctor who ➼ daisy jones and the six ➼ mad men

STEP 3 - EXTRA INFO

IMPORTANT- INCLUDE YOUR GENDER AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION IF LETTING ME CHOOSE THE SHIP. Add anything about yourself you want me to know. If you're on anon, this is very important!! I cannot make anything personalised for you if I do not know anything about you. Any icks, anything you want me to include, turn ons, etc. Basically provide me with anything you think might help me make the best gift for you!

RULES

➼ Followers only please, I cannot police this as I have asking on anon enabled, but this is a celebration for my followers so if you are gonna enter please do ensure you are following me

➼ Likes and reblogs are really appreciated! if you do enjoy my work you can also check out my masterlists which can be found here or buy me a coffee here!

➼ At the least, I will be able to make a moodboard for your ship + tropes, but if the inspiration strikes me I will write headcanons and drabbles too. These are a bonus and should not be expected with every entry

➼ 18+ - some of these tropes will include explicit detail, so 18+ only please

➼ Please grant me patience! i am doing this alongside a full time job and have some personal stuff on, but i do want to celebrate so im trying to fit this in as best i can. please be kind and respectful of my lil internet space :)

➼ all posts will be tagged #margo's 1k celebration

tagging my frens to say THANK YOU cause i couldn't do it without ya <3: @inkandbloodbound @cowboydisaster @musicallisto @saradika @sickvictorianangel @alottanothing @twola @photo1030

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Saturday fandom :) Already onto episode 2. We get to see some new challenges for Tim and lots of work flirts because well it’s s4. These two are emotionally dating whether they realize it or not haha. Not a ton in this ep for them but just enough goodies possible with them riding apart. Off we go.

4x02 Five Minutes

We start our ep off with Nolan helping out with paint samples. Tamara has moved in (yay I love this) and they’re trying to decide what color. Tamara says she doesn’t care it’s Lucy's apt. Seemingly resigned at this point. Lucy doesn’t agree and says it’s her room though. Tamara says it’s not hers it’s…she trails off before mentioning Jackson's name. Lucy realizes this and cuts it off before she gets emotional. My heart. Nolan tells her they have to get ready for work.

They leave Tamara's room and Lucy asks John if they’re being silly about the color? That they're taking this long to pick one out? He’s says it’s not 'We' but her. Lucy gives him a look. She knows what he's implying but isn’t ready to talk about it yet. So she hands him his bag instead. She notes it’s super heavy. Asking what’s in it? Apparently Tim gave him ton of books to read for being a T.O. Nolan asks if it’s weird for her Tim's not a T.O. anymore?

Lucy acting all civil and grown up or trying to. Saying no he’s moving on with his career. So will she. I mean deep down she's gotta be happy with the fact that she was the last rookie he trained fully. End on a high note and all that. That high note being her. She continues on that she hadn't even thought of him being a rookie Sergeant. The look on her face betraying her words. She's failing terribly at containing her excitement at what she's done haha

As we can see in this next scene Lucy is a lying liar who lies. We cut to Tim looking fine af in a TIGHT red t-shirt. Sweet baby James those guns should be illegal. Look at his bicep as he opens that locker. My god. Walking thirst trap and I'm here for it. He’s all happy walking up to his locker. Then he opens it and finds her note with a bunch of small boots LOL It’s amazing and glorious. His face kills me. I love her knowing the combination to his lock in first place to plant these. Ahh the work flirts between these two never cease to amaze. Pranking is one of their love languages hehe

Tim enters Grey’s office to officially get his Sergeant’s badge for Mid Wilshire. He’s so excited it's adorable to watch. Telling Grey he won’t let him down. Wade says he will. Tim looks crushed poor love. Grey telling him he’s going to fail just as much as he succeeds. Interesting to watch Tim stumble off the blocks a bit with this. The entire episode is him feeling out being a Sergeant for the first time. Naturally he’s a little cocky. He's always puffing his chest out more around others that aren't Lucy heh

Tim is thinking he can just apply his T.O. Tactics to this and Wade isn’t about it. The little wink above. Have mercy sir ... Learned all that sass from being around his girl haha Grey is not amused. Tells him he can easily remove those strips HA I love it. So much growth to be had in this new role of his. Always love watching him stretch himself. Grey tells Tim he’s going to be leading roll call today. He is so amped. I love this sfm.

Grey announces Tim being the station's newest sergeant and Lucy is aglow with pride. Look at her. She is so damn excited and proud of him. She's been on this journey with him since day one. Ready to make a big deal and celebrate him. Even when he won’t. Especially when he won’t. This reaction is proud wifey status right here. Her pre clap is so cute. She is ready to celebrate him and his achievement before anyone else is. Lucy notice's no one else is as excited as her and has to rein herself back in LOL The minute it's announced she is filled with pride and glee. It's written all over her body language and her need to want to clap for him before it's time. You know he made eye contact with her for that little smirk. I love them.

Also let’s talk about the heart eyes/little eye sex Lucy is giving Tim during his first roll call he's leading Look at her in the beginning. Keep it in your pants Officer Chen LMAO You are in public madam. Tim is shocking everyone but Lucy with his rant. Just a normal day for her when he talks like this. It's too funny. He is shocking everyone else though. Even Grey is thrown back by his words. Not his girl though. There’s nothing he can say that’ll throw her. Look at her smile as she leaves the roll call room. She is bemused he just went on a 'Tim Rant' in his first roll call. I love it so much.

We rejoin Lucy with Nolan in their shop. She is asking about wallpaper and what he thinks? Nolan pokes the bear one more time. Saying she’s the most insightful person he knows. Lucy has to see why she is delaying picking out a color. That Tamara can never accept the room as her's till Lucy moves on from it being Jackson’s. Before she can answer a car races by them. They pull them over immediately.

Nolan asks if he can practice being a T.O. With her? Lucy gives him some crap then says yeah show me what you got. He calls her boot and lives to regret it so very much. I love the absolute sass in her body language alone. Like you best walk that back LOL She barely let Tim call her that let alone you Nolan haha

Grey and Tim are riding together today. Wade going over not arriving to a scene right away. How it hurts the officer's confidence when you do. You can see Tim squirming in his seat with all this haha It's the very opposite of being a training officer. This is where this position makes him grow. It’s forcing him to do things he normally wouldn’t. Honestly riding with Lucy prepped him for this in a way he doesn’t understand just yet. Taught him all the things he needs to be a good supervisor.

Doesn’t mean he won’t have growing pains along the way though LOL Before he can reply Nolan contacts them about the driver he’s pulled over. Nolan ran her ID and finds out she is a white whale. Claire Ivy. Been suspected in multiple heists dating back 20 years. How Lopez almost caught her in 2016. Grey tells him to cite her and let her go. To inform her she’s on their radar though. To leave town ASAP.

Nolan returns to Lucy and Claire. She is a complete bad ass. Not taking Nolan’s warnings seriously at all. She even winks at Lucy before taking off. Nolan asking her what she thinks? Lucy having the funniest reply. Saying she has a girl crush haha I love Lucy so much.

Tim and Wade show up to Nyla’s scene. Her first call with Aaron is a murder. Grey asks her where her rookie is? She point to him on the sidewalk sitting. Looking pretty shaken up. Tim asks if he puked with a smile. Heh you’re terrible you handsome devil. She says yes but it’s more than the gore. That he was having some PTSD. Then tells Grey it’s almost like he shouldn’t be a cop…. Harper was so harsh with Aaron in the beginning. Grey notes it’s a good thing he has the best T.O. In the business to help him then.

Tim needing to give Nyla a hard time says his line above. I love the constant teasing between these two. It’s so funny and a delight to watch how they’ve developed. Her face is everything haha The rivalry between them is the absolute best. Wade tells Tim to stay on task.... Tim tries to canvass and Grey stops him. Saying he’s there to supervise not canvas. Poor Tim its a default gear for him. So he tells Harper to take her rookie and do as such. She gives him a smile saying 'Yes sir.' hehe

Lucy gets home and has a heart to heart with Tamara. She knows she can't avoid having it any longer. It makes me emotional to watch Lucy struggle with talking about him. Then Tamara gets emotional as well. Getting me right in the feels ladies. Lucy apologizing for being so manic about the color. That when they do this it'll make all this real. Even months later she will have to face that fact that he's never coming home to this room. Which is rough for both of them to deal with. I mean Tamara is feeling guilt for even taking the room let alone altering it. Lucy is struggling changing it as well for her own reasons.

Tamara feeling hesitant to make it her own. Because anytime she changes anything feels like she erasing him. Ugh my heart. This is such a good scene for them though. I love Lucy telling her Jackson would’ve loved her staying here. He would've wanted something good to come out of this. This is Lucy’s official moving on moment. Not letting this weigh her down any longer. So Tamara too can move on and not feel guilty making this room her own. Guess Nolan was right. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in awhile eh?

We find Lucy and Nolan next day camping outside Claire's hotel. They're talking about his date with Bailey and her breaking up with him via text. Before they delve any further Tim calls in asking for a status update. Lucy lets him know no activity on their end but what about the rest of her team? I love this mini moment of theirs. Their banter over the radio. Them talking this situation out. Like Nolan isn’t even there. Theorizing together like they’re in the same car. Their work chemistry isn't missing a beat in this scene. Also lets admire his bicep in this scene. Straining against that sleeve.*fans self* It's like he wants me to comment like this LMFAO

Tim telling Lucy his thoughts is my fav part. Being vulnerable with her saying he’s nervous. Only Lucy gets this side of him even when they’re not in the same space I love it sfm. There is growth in this moment. Normally he would just say or direct an OP like this. Wouldn’t need anyone else’s input. But now he’s post-Lucy being his rookie. We see the impact she’s had on him. How he’s relying on her thoughts and relaying his own. Doesn’t seem like a big moment in grand scheme of things. When we know the cuteness at the end of this episode. But I love underrated moments and this is one of them.

Grey finds out Tim was apart of the OP who took down Claire and her team. He is none too happy about it. Tim is confused saying he used his skills in the best way possible. Wade calls him out for it. Telling him no. He just couldn’t trust anyone else to get it done right. That control freaks don’t make good sergeants. It’s a rough first go for Tim. He has a lot to learn about stepping back and his need to control. To trust those around him. It’s something we will see him grow in this season.

But we can’t appreciate such growth unless we see him start at square one. Just like with S1 Tim. If we didn’t see him at his lowest how could we truly appreciate the depth of his growth when it happened? It’s the same with his new role as sergeant. He does stand his ground saying he needs to find his own way as a sergeant. He asks Grey if there is anything else? He adds on praise is important. An 'Atta-Boy' from the boss goes a long way.

Lucy is trying to sneak more booties into Tim’s locker when he catches her. Tim acting like he’s shocked but I don’t think he really is haha Asking her what she's doing? Lucy telling him how she’s paying him back. That word haunts her LOL She has to remind him he is a 'Boot' now. Getting immense joy out of teasing him. They are so married in this scene it’s unreal. Naturally he has to chastise her doing the same prank twice. Wouldn’t be him if he didn’t. His way of flirting right back. These two idiots in love.

Lucy hands him the booties and says she’s going to leave him to it then. Not expecting more out of this moment than this mini banter. Tim doesn’t let her get too far before giving her that compliment. He's so uncomfortable about saying it you know she is soaking this up. Enjoying him being uncomfortable so much.

Lucy is also stunned he’s giving her praise so freely when he finally gets it out. Her face says everything about her disbelief. Tim sees it instantly and tells her Grey suggested he do so. Like it's such a hardship to praise her like this heh. Lucy seeing he’s trying to grow and thanks him with that cocky smirk we know he loves so much.

Although Lucy can’t pass up the opportunity to push his buttons. Has to see if she can’t get him to spill more since he is in a sharing mood. About her specifically of course haha One of her love languages is receiving those words of affirmation and praise from him. She laps it up like a thirsty dog hehe She’s comfortable enough ‘Push her luck’ as Tim states above. Tim of course stops Lucy in her tracks. Knowing exactly what she is up to.

I love her awkward exit when she knows she has pressed her luck. The pointing and backing out is so adorable I can not stand it. We know he loves her goofy dorkiness. It's that dorky sunshine he falls in love with in the first place. You know he misses riding with her so much in this moment. He holds his ‘serious’ face till she leaves. Shakes his head so bemused by her actions.

Then when she’s out of sight his true colors come into play. Look at this man. Tim looks down at the boots with a happy smirk. He is so smitten and happy she did this prank. Why you ask? Because it meant she was thinking of him. Thought of his special day and did something to commemorate it. You know he actually loves how thoughtful she is. How she always makes him #1. Makes him feel like he’s #1 in her book. Something that is so very foreign to him.

Just like Lucy adores his praise. He soaks up her affection and putting him and his accomplishments on the front burner. Never lets Tim pass by with anything less than a Lucy worthy celebration. Like I said earlier pranking is a love language of their's. This is her way of saying she cares. Does it in a way he can handle but knows her intention. Tim has never had someone like her before. He is very smitten and that wall of his is damn near rubble at this point. We’re not there yet but it’s on it's way to utter ruin. Thank you Lucy Chen haha

Tamara finally finishes up her room. She’s nervous to show Lucy. It’s so cute. I love what she did with it. So very her and I love it. Lucy giving her stamp approval is just what she needed. This is such a cute moment. I love their chosen sisterhood so much. Gives me warm fuzzies for days. How far they’ve come from Tamara stealing Lucy’s car heh Tamara finally having her own safe space and having it with Lucy is the best part.

Cute little episode for them as we enter full into this season. I always love when we get little work flirts with them. They’re dating and have idea about and that’s the best part of the the whole dynamic.

~~~~

Side notes non chenford-

The introduction of Aaron. I wasn’t sure about him at first but ended up adoring him. He won me over fairly quickly.

Wes and Angela spending the only time Jack sleeps theorizing about Aaron’s case instead of sleeping LOL I love them sfm.

Thank you as always to those who continuously like, comment and reblog these reviews. Makes my heart so happy. Shall see you all in 4x03 :)

[dnfao3tags]

Monthly Fic Roundup - December 2023

an end to an...interesting year ! and the beginning of hopefully even more interesting one

make sure to leave some love because thats what fuels this fandom :]

— no more fucks given 2023 daily fic advent by alisonsomething, dizzy, Scoops (consciousness_streaming)

not entirely dnf but has a whole bunch of goodies! check them all out.

— calico by indigoh (teen | comp. | 22k)

On the eve of Dream's 24th birthday, Patches goes missing. And it's all George's fault.

— sticky situation with you by boneblanket (expl. | comp. | 5k)

In the beginning of spring, half a year into living together, their relationship still toes the line between routine and rupture. George isn’t bothered by it, but he isn’t satisfied either. He isn’t the only one struggling.

Part 1 of heaven knows

— you play it back (time moves too fast) by jack_not_found (teen | comp. | 6k)

winter weather foils dream's plans for their first anniversary, but george refuses to let that stop them from celebrating

— give you my wild by furculaed (teen | comp. | 6k | mpreg)

When George thinks of kids, he thinks of the dinner table.

— WARNING: no lifeguard on duty. swim at your own risk by sappymix1 (teen | comp. | 10k)

Dream is a witch new to LA and George is a cursed siren he finds living in a swimming pool.

— hit the brakes my mistake by cqfnce (teen | comp. | 5k)

dream and george are soulmates- best friends since they were young, but separated by an ocean. meeting in person is all they've ever wanted- but will it change their friendship?

— to new beginnings by hardtofindneuro (teen | comp. | 33k)

George tells his family he's dating Dream to get them off his back. Then, Dream shows up at his doorstep.

— The Best Bad Idea by gottagetshiver (teen | comp. | 13k)

in which Dream tags along with George to his family Christmas where George finally opens up about his first kiss, he and Dream try and fail to help with readying the house for the holidays, and Dream endears himself to anyone within earshot. Oh, and they have to share George's childhood bed.

— i built a home for you, for me (a place i don't feel alone) by brokenlikeastitch (teen | comp. | 28k)

Dream and George's Christmases together over the years.

— All About The Wedding by sageafk (expl. | comp. | 10k)

Dream usually uses George's name to avoid doxxing at hotels and restaurants. But the hotel calls and says they need to know why the name on his card and reservation are different, and Dream panics and tells them that he and George are married.

— make a scene (it's your set) by dangergranger, shadeofblue (jarofhearts) (expl. | wip | 51k+)

George goes partying, sleeps with a guy named Clay, and takes an adorable selfie with his cat that kinda breaks the internet. A few days later, Dream enters the picture.

— when the clock hits zero (will you be mine) by justcallme_m (teen | comp. | 15k)

Dream meets George at a New Year’s Party and falls hard in one night.

— Arizona Green Tea by pondsofkoi (teen | comp. | 20k)

george has a crush on the baritone captain

[ts1989fanatic]

Taylor Swift's fans are renowned for their loyalty and dedication.

Known colloquially as "Swifties," they sell out stadiums in minutes; spend weeks creating intricate outfits that pay tribute to her albums; comb through her lyrics to find Easter eggs and secret messages.

Back in November, the fandom received national attention for taking action after Ticketmaster bungled the Eras Tour presale.

The backlash was so loud and so fervent that the Department of Justice launched an antitrust investigation into Ticketmaster's parent company. The power of Swifties became clearer than ever.

Indeed, the sheer passion of Swift's fans has helped make her the biggest pop star in the world — but that doesn't grant them absolute access to her life and personal space.

Recently, Swift obsessives have been exhibiting overzealous — and frankly concerning — behavior. Videos have circulated online that show swarms of people camping outside her home in New York City and Electric Lady Studios, where she's been spotted working in between tour dates. Other clips show fans chasing her car down the street.

It's one thing to wait for hours in the pouring rain to watch Swift deliver a spectacular concert. That's her job. It's another, more sinister thing to wait for hours on the sidewalk, just to film her car entering her home garage. That's her life.

Swift has been candid about fending off stalkers throughout her career, making this behavior particularly egregious for anyone who claims to care about her well-being.

"My fear of violence has continued into my personal life," she wrote for Elle in 2019. "I carry QuikClot army-grade bandage dressing, which is for gunshot or stab wounds. Websites and tabloids have taken it upon themselves to post every home address I've ever had online. You get enough stalkers trying to break into your house and you kind of start prepping for bad things."

This is not to say that Swift's most fervent fans are all stalkers, but it's easy to see how this behavior could be triggering for someone who's been stalked. And as Swift said in her "Miss Americana" documentary in 2020, "There's a difference between 'I really connect with your lyrics' and 'I'm going to break in.'" Some Swifties clearly need to be reminded of where that line is.

This is also not the first time Swifties have overstepped. Some fans have been known to harass members of the LGBTQ community for analyzing Swift's songs through a queer lens. Others have sent insults and death threats to music critics for less-than-glowing reviews of Swift's music.

Of course, this behavior isn't unique to Swifties. But Swift's lack of admonition is uniquely strange. She has marketed herself as someone who's not afraid to speak up to defend her values, someone who has explicitly condemned homophobes and bullies in her music.

Swift has also said she's proud of her affectionate relationship with fans. She has invited Swifties to her Nashville home for album listening parties; sent personalized notes to celebrate milestones; donated money for college tuitions; protected concertgoers from aggressive security guards.

Unfortunately, a healthy relationship cannot be sustained with affection alone, be it interpersonal or parasocial.

At the risk of sounding like a wannabe therapist, constructive feedback is essential for growth — and when someone you love disrespects your boundaries, it's not constructive to say silent.

This is something that Phoebe Bridgers, Swift's friend and collaborator, knows all too well.

Although Bridgers experiences fame on a vastly different level than Swift, she has also been subjected to abuse and entitlement at the hands of "people with my picture as their Twitter picture."

In a March interview with Them, Bridgers said she was "bullied" in the midst of a speculative frenzy about her dating life — while she was on the way to her father's funeral.

"I've had people take more than I'm giving, and I'm giving a lot," Bridgers recently told the Wall Street Journal. "I'm pretty fucking transparent, because I would value that in someone whose music I liked when I was a kid. Seeing any representation of any feeling and anything true was awesome to me. To be punished for that is so dark."

"There's a higher chance that you'll meet a fan that you hate than a fan that you love," she added. "You're way more likely to be confronted with someone who just violated your privacy."

If these quotes rub you the wrong way, you may be the problem.

Connecting to a person's music does not give you the right to violate her privacy, and Bridgers isn't afraid to draw that line. I wish more musicians would follow suit.

Ahead of Bridgers' final performance at the Eras Tour on Sunday, I hope Swift is able to absorb some of her bravery and wisdom. It's OK to criticize people for bad behavior — and the fans who stick around are the ones worth keeping.

ts1989fanatic

Even the media can get it right on occasion, the recent behaviour by some so called swifties is bordering on STALKING and needs to stop.

Unless we all want to go back to why she disappeared again.

[k-atsukibakugou]

🖱️mercury's "everything i didn't say" milestone collab!🖱️

thank you so much to everyone for being here for my first milestone!!! to celebrate i thought i'd host a collab and share this fun with everyone!! this is inspired by the unsent project — basically all the things you/your fave wanted to say, but didn't, i know the prompts seem angsty but i promise this can be any sort of genre you like, as long as they were supposed to remain unsaid!! thank you especially to my loves @t-tomuras & @mattsukawaii for always listening to my ideas and babbling

the screen's bright, white light nearly blinding in the early hours of the morning, your eyes blurring staring at the send button lit up. with a sigh, you lock the screen and roll onto your back, staring at the ceiling with thoughts of them plaguing your mind, thoughts of all the unsent texts, the ones half-typed in the middle of the night you'd delete when you came to your senses.

about to drift into a restless slumber, your phone vibrates, buzzing in the spot you'd tossed it, a familiar text-tone ringing in your ears; a reply to your message.

what'll happen when the things you weren't supposed to say get said?

THEME: all things left unsaid, or were supposed to remain unsaid, what are you or your fave typing out but never sending? never admitting when you're finally alone together? something that slips out when they didn’t mean it to! this is all about that! no matter the genre or character or situation, as long as there's something haunting one of your characters! if you get a little stuck i compiled a prompt list from the unsent project here that you're welcome to use but it's not necessary at all!

GUIDELINES: ↘ must be 18+ with your age in your description or pinned post, on either a side or main blog MINORS + AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS ACCOUNT ↘ DON'T need to be following me to participate but it is appreciated teehee ↘ ANY genre/topics welcome, please make sure triggers are tagged appropriately ↘ ANY characters + fandoms + repeats (of character/mulltiple submissions) welcome! ↘ DOESN'T have to be x reader ↘ NO minimum/maximum word count or due date ↘ TAG me (@/k-atsukibakugou) + the 'mercurys unsaid collab🖱️' so i can read them + add your work/s to the masterlist!!!

↘ STATUS: OPEN

TO ENTER: please send me an ask or message with the character/fandom you have in mind! if you are on anonymous or writing from a sideblog please include which url you want tagged here

↘ MASTERLIST BELOW !

🖱️ masterlist 🖱️

↘ my hero academia

title: tba ~ touya todoroki | @/k-atsukibakugou | rating: tba summary: tba lmao i was so angry for so long ~ katsuki bakugou | @bleedingredridinghood | hurt/comfort summary: unsent prompt 04; "i was so angry for so long."

[thief-of-eggs]

I missed the actual date (oops) but it has officially been a year since I started writing!!! (Long post ahead, bear with me)

I have always been an avid reader, and consequently, an avid fanfic consumer. I fall deep into each fandom I enter, and my beloved comfort characters have gotten me through the toughest of times.

That being said- I had not written creatively before starting to write fanfic last year. I’d written essays for school, and that was where my writing experience ended. Back in middle school I had to write a few short stories as homework, and I’d never attempted to write anything more.

Last year I decided I wanted to start contributing to fandoms, instead of just consuming. I’ve always held headcannons and mini scenes in my mind, my fuel to get me through boring days and to help put me to sleep at night, but I’d never shared any. I was scared. Intimidated. Worried that I wouldn’t be good enough, worried that I wouldn’t be able to enunciate exactly what I was envisioning.

Eventually I decided fuck it- if I sucked then I sucked, but hopefully I could make one or two people smile with my works. (At the very least, I’d make myself smile)

I did not expect to find the amount of support that I have from you all. I also did not expect to find something I am so passionate about- that being writing and sharing my silly little stories with you all.

One year later and I’ve amassed 322k published words on AO3. I’ve posted 67 works, have written for dozens of pairings and relationships. I’ve used the tag “emotional hurt/comfort” more times than I’d expected (how many times can I break and mend my own heart with a fic?)

I didn’t know how what I was doing when I started. I didn’t know any writing tips, or how best to outline a story, etc. I still don’t know what I’m doing, but I can certainly say I’ve gotten better over this year. I’ve learned through practice alone- hours and hours and hours of it. And maybe I’m doing something right- because a year later, and I’ve collected 379 personal subs to my AO3 account. 379 people who get an email each time I upload a new work (which is the most frightening thing I’ve ever experienced, the most daunting thing in the world, but god do I appreciate every single one of you-)

I know that celebrating a year of writing is rather silly. But I wanted to thank each and every one of you who has read my works, who has commented and left kudos. If I made any of you smile then my initial goal has been reached- and that’s all I could ever hope for.

I guess I’m also posting this to say- if you want to write, please write. Please share your silly headcannons with the world. Please write the stories that you want to see. Change the endings to your favorite books, make your ship set sail, write that missing scene that you’ve always imagined.

It doesn’t matter if you’re good. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never written before. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a laptop or a properly set up space to write (I do it all in the notes app of my phone, from the convenience of my bed!)

Nothing else matters as long as you have a story to share- and I promise there are people out there waiting to hear it <3

[ppoppokari]

🎃...Wren's Spooktober Halloween Ships...

October is a special month, so to celebrate my birthday, halloween and my 200 followers I will be opening two limited time ships.

Hogwarts Life Ship:

So I adore Harry Potter and the Wizarding Universe so I am creating Hogwarts Life Ships but with my own not so secret little twist. If you request a Hogwarts Life Ship you will be randomly assigned 1 of 3 symbols

Now to make it interesting. This symbol will pop up somewhere random in your ship so keep your eyes open like wide open. And if you find a symbol that isn't where it's supposed to be dm and tell me where the symbol was.

If you do find it you will be entered into one of the tri-wizard tournament categories. Which means that you will receive either 1. a full one shot starring you and the idol of your choice and it can be a fluff, smut, angst, whatever you want fic with whatever plot. 2. a short drabble, or 3. A relationship headcanon either one is of a member of your choice.

Now to request for a Hogwarts Life Ship I need to know your; Hogwarts House (Unless you wish to be sorted), Patronus (if you know it), Your personality, sexual orientation (for the relationship section of your ship), appearance, likes/dislikes, your favourite Hogwarts subject, Your favourite professor, What extra curricular activities would you do at Hogwarts and anything else you feel like relates to your life as a Hogwarts Student.

And you will receive a fully nerded out comprehensive Hogwarts Life Ship with your romantic and friend life, your identity at Hogwarts, what Hogwarts clubs you are a part of, enemies or rivals, past relationships and Yule Ball Dates.

Now this can be completely random like the Idol life ships or you can choose 1-4 groups and I will include some members in the final ship. If you are requesting for a non-kpop fandom you can do this and get a spliced Hogwarts Life ship or just choose your favourite fandom to adapt into this world.

But again in the instance of kpop if you do not choose a group it will be completely randomised by my choosing like the Idol Life Ships I do

Please request one at a time and only one of these ships since it's supposed to be a very special once off thing

Halloween Trick or Treat Date:

Let's set the scene, Halloween is no fun without a partner by your side so instead of a Valentines Date you will have a Handsome Little Devil or a Gorgeous Ghoul (so cheesy I know let me live) who asks you to spend Halloween day with you.

In this ship you send me the same details that you would with a written or overall ship (it's your choice)- stuff like personality, likes/dislikes, mbti, hogwarts house, astrology, favourite halloween thing to do, favourite halloween costume, favourite candy, ideal date stuff like that and you will receive a ship that tells you your secret admirer, what your Halloween date, a small drabble and a moodboard and a shufflemancy song reading that says all you need to know about the vibes of your date!

Please request 1 group per ship but as soon as I am done you can keep requesting these until my special submissions are shut.

8-31st of October submissions are now open!

Side note all of my ships are open for other fandoms besides Kpop only until the 31st of October otherwise this is a standard Kpop blog

List of alternative fandoms

[absolutebl]

I’ve been watching BL for about 3+ years now and consumed my fair share of series and I have to say the actors’ responsibilities to their characters/series off set is starting to feel very “gay for pay”. What I mean is the majority of the actors, in my opinion, seem very obviously straight but the shipping culture, rabid fans delusions on their personal lives, and requirements to always appear like a couple when In public (fan meets, interviews, reaction videos of their work, variety shows, selling products on live, etc.), make it so that they must always be “on” even upon wrapping their series and this makes me veryy uncomfortable and I feel bad for them. It takes the artistry or this is work element out of what is clearly just a job. I for one try to avoid most of the “IRL” stuff actors do outside of the series itself bc it’s makes me just so uncomfortable and embarrassed…. On another note, it seems like many of these actors take on BL to break into the industry. Is there much success in a popular BL actor pivoting into “mainstream” or non BL celebrity? Bright Vicharawit seems to be doing well and Mew Suppasit. Although I hate to say Mew’s career pivot rubs me entirely the wrong way bc I feel like he didn’t bow out of BL gracefully but used BL and the popularity of his shipped couple and dropped it all like a bad habit trying to erase its existence from his history... I’m sorry my bitter might be showing on that last bit haha. I hope I made some sort of sense. Thanks!

Yes, it's weird, creepy, and exploitive - from all sides. That's why I avoid all the fan service stuff.

With respect to Thai actors? I actually don't know if BL can be seen as "breaking in" since BL the big guns of the industry there. Where else is there to go? Het dramas are less popular, at least outside of the country. Not sure what's going on internally.

Presumably, Mew is getting this chance, and it's a big one, because he looks, well, like Mew (very appealing to a Korean aesthetic), and also I'm assuming speaks Korean well enough to get by. Also, he was always a very very ambitious boy, that one.

I won't blame him entirely for anything tho, MAME's actors seem to have it the worst.

I have my reservations about Korean BL too. I think some of the boys *think* they are getting a leg up but... still too short to ever be leading men material (by Korea's standards). Especially the idols. (”Ieg up” ... see what I did there?) And I think doing BL there can still do more harm than good because of the homophobia (like what happens in China). I think some of the working actors who happened into BL (like the To My Star Boys) seem to be realistic and have fun about it, but they're both established in themselves as people and as actors BEFORE the fandom happened to them.

Japan and Taiwan it's just another job. There seems to be neither weight nor stigma (these days, it was different a decade ago). You can gain a bit of international cred and some sweet modeling and sponsorship deals (see the Cherry Magic boys) and maybe a follow up gig in the form of a movie or whateves, but that's more like just... being part of a successful show.

I don't know, kids becoming celebrities. It's never gonna be pretty, that gruesome combination of performative ego, accelerated attention and wealth, parasocial relationships the then add.... fake dating the same sex in a largely hostile society.

Can't imagine any of these youngsters come out not borked in the head.

Now the ones like MaxTul or even, maybe, MileApo who clearly talked about this and how to handle it with each other, and have some kind of game going on (with each other and us as fans), and entered the situation more grown up aware and mature age-wise (and therefore somewhat fixed in ego and personality) - I don't worry so much about them.

But mostly, since PerthSaint went south what, 4 years ago was it? Yeah, it's ALL creepy.

That's enough of this kinda gossip.

(this post from this one on my reservations about pair branding)

[the-fandom-abyss]

First of all, congrats on the 1K!! Very well deserved if I may add :)

I would like to enter for the matchup event!

Here’s some stuff about me based on your template:

Gender/Pronouns: Questioning, Any Pronouns

Sexuality: Lesbian/Queer

Facts About Self: I’m a huge Dungeons and Dragons nerd and a fan of tabletop RPGs in general. I love playing video games to distress after work, even tho I usually play a lot of horror games or FPS. I work with dogs for a living and have a dog of my own.

Strengths/Flaws: I would say I’m good at working with dogs, I’m fairly good at art, and I enjoy writing even though I am scared to post XD. I’ve also been in singing/performing arts from a young age, but I decided not to pursue. Flaws, I would say I can be a bit short tempered at times, and I have a very low tolerance for bullshit. I can be very indecisive at times, and I am more often than not an anxious mess

Fandom: MCU

Appearance: Asian, dark brown hair, brown eyes, 5’2”

Love Language: Quality Time/Words of Affirmation

Pick-Up Line: “Hey girl, are you a lesbian, because… please?”

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff, but had the option of changing to Ravenclaw on Pottermore

Dream Date: Couch snuggles and movie night

Once again, congrats!! Hope life is treating you well these days!

I ship you with Michelle Jones!

MJ would 100% appreciate your pick up line, she tends to go for the ‘jumble their words, make love eyes’ type of person. If you’re lucky, you would even earn a giggle and an eye roll before she turned on her heel and walked away. Just to see if you would chase after her to continue the conversation. Extra bonus points if you do without skipping a beat.

When MJ suggests that you come over for a study night, it rarely means that. In her defence, it does start that way with books scattered across her bed, a pencil tucked behind her ear and papers with half finished notes. It’s just that as time goes on, books will start to be closed or pushed off the bed. Then before you know it, you are snuggled into her side with a movie playing softly in the background. “What happened to studying?” You would ask, checking if this is truly what she wants before the big exam. “As if you thought that would last”.

Being afraid to post your work is completely normal, MJ likes to tell you that all great writers go through that process. She believes that your writing is amazing, worthy of someone to read. She will even go as far as to give you helpful notes or give you verbal commentary as you show her your newest addition. She respect what you choose to do with your works, whether you keep them to yourself. She is just proud that you did something you enjoyed.

A low tolerance for bullshit you say? Well you have met your match with MJ. She doesn’t take shit from anyone, especially when it comes to her friends and family. When she recognises this quality in you, she offers to team up. If someone happens to open their mouth, and either of you call bullshit. They get the two for one special, both of you will take turns to bite back. You are a formidable force that not many people want to come up against.

Now MJ has dabbled in D&D but has never fully immersed herself in the culture. But when she saw your eyes light up about the newest campaign or details you would have added, she couldn’t help but become interested. She did become confused halfway through with the amount of lore and world building but that didn’t deter her from asking questions. If you were talking, she was listening. A nerd loves to hear another nerds passion, that is why you fit so well together!

1k Follower Celebration

[darkanddirtyknb]

Hello lovelies! I wanted to take a minute to say a few things before the holidays. First, as always, I want to thank you for being here. It means a lot to me that so many of you have stuck around. Especially considering how dead this fandom is these days. It's not always easy to be an artist in a small community, and sadly, that's what this has become. But that's how things go. Something new and exciting will always come along to dethrone the thing that preceded it. I'm still able to post my works, however, since I know at least a portion of you will read them and that's more than some people can say, so I really appreciate you. Thank you. The next thing I want to address are my commissions. I still intend on doing what I can to continue on with my current list of commissioned works. I'm sure some of you are no longer interested, and that's okay—I just feel bad because it's taken me so long to even take the time to comment on this issue. I want you to know that I haven't forgotten you. I still have a list of names and the order they came in. I still have the emails detailing what's wanted from each story. I've just not had the time to start anything complex. Between health issues, appointments, court dates, personal issues, family drama, and so on, I've been too tied up to focus on anything new. I feel like I'm going at full speed from the moment I wake until I can finally collapse into bed at night. I'd be lying if I said I didn't desperately need the money, but it's the thought of letting you guys down that upsets me the most. But I also have to be honest with myself, and I haven't been in the right head space to take anything new on. I've shared some stuff with you guys regarding my personal life, but you're getting a very small glimpse of what's going on. To be blunt, I think my current living situation is slowly killing me. I'm in a bad place, and some days, I can barely do more than focus on keeping myself sane. Not to mention what my health puts me through. I don't want anyone to worry. I'll be okay. I've been through worse and I'll be through worse again. I just needed to shed some light on why I haven't reached out. I'm sorry I didn't post something sooner. It might not seem like it, but I really care about all of you. I know it's easy to say that as another blip on the internet, but I mean it. I really want the best for everyone here. That said, I want y'all to know that you can always reach out to me. I might be drowning in debt and roasting in family hell, but I'm never too busy for my mutual sinners. I hope you all have a great holiday season! If you don't celebrate, I hope you have an exceptional end to this year. We'll all be entering the new year together, so let's hope it's a great one. Now I'm going to go wrap myself in blankets, drink hot tea, and turn my heating pad on blast. I'm in the center of winter storm Elliott and this old farm house only heats up to 61° F on a good day. Take care everyone! Sending you all my love!

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There’s Nothing Missing In My Life…

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 12/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner’s Parent, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter Twelve: GRWM

“Hillary… I know you said you’d never flirt back with me… But I’m not flirting now. I’ve never been on a date or anything, so I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know anything about-. Will you be my date to homecoming?” I asked before resting my head against the brick wall. “I sound stupid… But it’s now or never. I gotta go up to her and ask. No beating around the bush. I just gotta—. I have to ask her. Hillary Chang, will you go to homecoming with me tomorrow night?”

“Sure,” Hillary answered. I yelped. I didn’t see her behind me, and I went pale as I realized she probably heard all of that.

“You heard that, didn’t you?” I asked. She nodded.

“Mhm, that’s why I said yes,” Hillary replied.

I raked a hand through my hair. “Even to the part about being my date?” I questioned.

“Sure, why not? I thought it was sweet. Besides, it’s homecoming,” Hillary explained, “Space theme, so wear something out of this world. See you in thirty minutes at the gym. Do you have your pass?”

I grinned and flashed my pass. “And your costume? Is it in your locker or your—?”

“I’ve got it… I’m literally on my way to the locker room right now,” I interrupted. Hillary tapped my shoulder and rushed toward the girl’s locker room. I entered the boy’s locker room, unlocked my locker, and changed into my costume.

The club supervisor, Mrs. Erikson, stood in the hallway by the gym entrance. “Hi, Lucky,” Mrs. Erikson smiled, “Excited for your first rally?”

I smiled and nodded. “I’m nervous… But that never goes away,” I laughed.

“Smaller group than you’re used to, though… Yeah?” Mrs. Erikson asked.

“Uh-huh, but I guess—. It’s different because I go to school here,” I explained. I rolled my shoulders back and took a deep breath.

*

Surprisingly enough, the rally went off without a hitch, and homecoming was the following day. A Saturday afternoon. Roxy came over at Rex’s request to film a ‘Get Ready With Me’ video against my will. “You wanna tell everyone who’s in your orbit for tonight?” Roxy asked as she pointed the camera toward me. I laughed and shook my head.

“Oh, you’re killing me, Roxy,” I chuckled, “No, I’m too nervous to say… I don’t wanna jinx myself.”

“Is there anything you wanna disclose about your plans tonight?” Roxy questioned.

“Um… Yeah! It’s my first real date tonight,” I replied as I shut my closet door to get dressed. My hands started shaking, and I swallowed hard. “Roxy, is the camera still on?”

“No,” Roxy answered.

I cracked the door. “What if—? Roxy, turn the camera off for a minute, please,” I begged as I hid behind the door. I didn’t want anyone to see how nervous I was.

Roxy wouldn’t turn the camera off. “Come on, Luck. Now’s not the time to be camera shy,” Roxy laughed.

The floor felt hollow under my feet, and the air thinned out until it felt like there was no air at all. It felt the same as when my lawyer called when I stayed at Hillary’s house. “I think—. Roxy, I can’t—.”

I heard her shut the camera. “Lucky?” Roxy whispered. “Are you okay?”

“Um… Yeah. I’m fine,” I lied, “I forgot to eat, and now I’m dizzy.” It was a stupid lie, but I had to tell her something.

“I’ll get you something from the kitchen,” Roxy replied. I moved away from the door, and Roxy returned with a slice of pizza. “Hey…” She smoothed my curls down in the back and clicked her tongue. “It’s alright.” Warmth spread into my cheeks, and I took a bite. It was embarrassing.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I finished eating. “Lucky, what’s the matter?” Roxy asked. I shook my head. “You’re gonna have a good time.”

I wanted to call my dad or send him a picture. It felt like he should’ve been there. I couldn’t tell Roxy that, though. I didn’t think she’d understand. I let her play with my hair until I calmed down. “It’s just nerves… You look good, Kid. Here… Wipe your hands on the bottom of my shirt so you don’t mess up your clothes,” Roxy whispered as she took my hands and wiped them clean. “Okay… The camera goes back on in five, and I take you to pick up your date in ten.” She patted my knee and left me to change her shirt in my bathroom.

She gave me exactly five minutes to pull myself together before she called me into the living room to do an outfit reveal. “Stop being weird about it. Show off,” Roxy replied. I laughed and struck a pose. “There you go. Blow the camera a kiss—.”

“Roxy, can we run through the slow dance again?” I asked. She propped the camera on its stand, and we stood straight.

“You’ve got it easy. Your job is to keep your hands high enough. Your date’s job is to remember where her hands go. If she fumbles, be a gentleman about it,” Roxy explained. She mimicked a confused motion, and I took her hands, placing one on my shoulder and the other at my side. I flashed an awkwardly reassuring grin, and she waited for me to lead. “Nothing fancy. It’s only homecoming. A simple slow turn is fine.” Roxy waited for me to lead.

“Did you go to homecoming when you were in high school?” I asked.

“Sophomore year’s homecoming queen,” Roxy replied, “Almost missed them call my name because I was in the bathroom smoking a cigarette.” I pulled away, blinking hard at the deadpan tone in her voice. “A joke… Luck, I was joking.”

“Oh,” I replied. Roxy fixed my collar and hair. “How do I look?”

“Not repulsive,” Roxy joked. I stuck out my tongue.

“And you don’t look bad for an old lady,” I teased. Roxy shook her head.

She grabbed my house keys off the counter and tucked them inside my jacket pocket. “Can’t forget these,” Roxy whispered, “She must be special…”

“What do you mean?” I questioned.

“You asked her to the dance… You hang out with her almost every day. You must really like her,” Roxy grinned.

“Yeah… Hill’s great. She’s funny, smart, reliable, responsible—.”

“If Lex could pick a girl for you, it’d be her… Wouldn’t it?” Roxy asked. Roxy was right, but I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. I didn’t want to talk about my dad. I wanted to have a good night. I wanted to be like everyone else for a single night. I wanted to dance and laugh and enjoy being a teenage boy.

[the1975attheirverybest]

I hate that swifties just turned against Joe without any actual evidence and when the pictures of him looking rough came out, they were celebrating and going after his looks (like they are doing with Matty) and it made me want to punch them (not literally) and I'm not part of the fandom at all, it simply was trending on twitter and checked what happened. And now recently they've been putting Matty against Joe and while the majority is hyping Joe up again simply because they hate Matty, the ones who prefer Matty instead also get on my nerves because they are like "he's problematic but at least he displays affection publicly" and the reason why that upsets me so much is because everyone likes really shy introverts when they need someone they can trust but then suddenly we're "cold" and "too reserved" and "should change" the minute we're no longer useful and seeing those tweets just makes me so fucking sad because I am so quiet in public and I really don't do the whole PDA thing but my heart is feeling with love for the people I'm close with and I sympathize with how Joe must be feeling. There was a video going around of Joe at her show and you can see the heart eyes filled with emotion but you can also see that he's so shy and anxious about being in public.

And people being like "she deserves more" has broken my heart. it just triggered something in me. Everyone who's just a little bit like Joe knows the feeling of dating an extrovert or simply someone with a lot of friends and trying so hard to overcome our limitations and still seeing our efforts being ignored. And then people acting like Taylor did him a huge favor for dating him because in their heads "no way she'd be truly happy with someone like that"... We're not all bad, we've got our flaws but we deserve love too and we've got a lot of love to give... (sorry this is more like a personal rant)

As the self-appointed queen of introverts, I completely agree with you. In fact, now you're making me wonder if that's the reason I like joe? haha. I had never psychoanalyzed my soft spot for him, but, when you mentioned the videos of Joe standing in the audience and watching Taylor, you reminded me of a moment from my teens when we were at some big family party and...well, I get anxious asking the Barista for a straw at starbucks, I'm not a dancer. So, I was just kind of in the corner, clapping. much like Joe is in that clip, still having a good time in my own lil way, and my mom came up to me and gave me this whole ass speech about how I don't know how to have fun, lol.

BUT, whatever the swifties or Joe haters say, the facts speak for themselves. Fact: This has been Taylor's longest ever relationship. Fact: she literally wrote him a song that says "people think loves for show but i would die for you in secret." Is that not the best response to these idiots? Fact: she said she'd give him a child if he wanted. Does that sound like someone who isn't truly happy? Fact: one of her songs promises to marry him with paper rings even though she "likes shiny things." If the literary scholars who analyze every single word she writes and its meanings are ignoring these facts, it's because they're looking for someone to hate. Doesn't matter. Taylor and Joe know the love that they shared.

In fact, I'm feeling kind of the opposite haha. people are hating on joe's introverted nature now that he's left Taylor, but im enjoying Matty's weird nervousness around her friends now that he's enter her space. Sure he's sweet when he dances and wears her merch, but what's more important is that he's unsure and out of his element but trying his best anyway. which is how I feel in all social situations hahahaha.

everyone is just trying to get through this miserable life giving love and hoping to receive it in return. why would we make things extra hard on each other by comparing partners or deciding what Taylor should value or whatever? its dumb and pointless and breeds misery.

[c-is-for-circinate]

For a long, large part of my life, being queer in a media landscape--finding queerness in a media landscape--has meant theft.

I'm a Fandom Old, somehow, these days, older than most and younger than some, in that way that's grown associated with grumpy crotchetyness and shotguns on porches and back in my day, we had to wade through our Yahoo Groups mailing lists uphill both ways, boring and irrelevant anecdotes from Back In Those Days when homophobia clearly worked differently than it does now, probably because we weren't trying hard enough. I've seen a lot of stories through the years. I've read a lot of fanfic. (More days than not, for the past twenty years. I've read a lot of fanfic.)

When people my age start groaning and sighing at conversations about representation and queerbaiting, when we roll our eyes and drag all the old war stories out again in the face of AO3 is terrible and Not Good Enough, so often what we say is: you Young Folks Today have no idea how hard, how scary, how limiting it was to be queer anywhere Back In Those Days. Including online, maybe especially online, including in a media landscape that hated us so much more than any one you've ever known. And that is true. Always and everywhere, again and again, it's true, we remember, it's true.

We don't talk so much about the joy of it.

Online fan spaces were my very first queer communities, ever. I was thirteen, I was fourteen, I was fifteen--I was a lonely, over-precocious "gifted kid" two years too young for my grade level in an all-girls' Catholic school in the suburbs--I lived in a world where gay people were a rumor and an insult and a news story about murder. I was straight, of course, obviously, because real people were straight and anyway I was weird enough already--I couldn't be two things strange, couldn't be gay too, but--well, I could read the stories. I could feel things about that. I would have those stories to help me, a few years later, when I knew I couldn't call myself straight any more.

And those stories were theft. There was never any doubt about that. We wrote disclaimers at the top of every fic, with the specter of Anne Rice's lawyers around every corner. We hid in back-corners of the internet, places you could only find through a link from a link from a link on somebody else's recs page, being grateful for the tiny single-fandom archives when you found them, grateful for the webrings where they existed. It was theft, all of it, the stories about characters we did not own, the videotaped episodes on your best friend's VHS player, one single episode pulled off of Limewire over the course of three days.

It was theft, we knew, to even try and find ourselves in these stories to begin with. How many fics did I read in those days about two men who'd always been straight, except for each other, in this one case, when love was stronger than sexual orientation? We stole our characters away from the heterosexual lives they were destined to have. We stole them away from writers and producers and TV networks who work overtime to shower them in Babes of the Week, to pretend that queerness was never even an option. This wasn't given to us. This wasn't meant for us. This wasn't ours to have, ever, ever in the first place. But we took it anyway.

And oh, my friends, it was glorious.

We took it. We stole. And again and again, for years and years and years, we turned that theft into an art. We looked for every opening, every crack in every sidewalk where a little sprout of queerness might grow, and we claimed it for our own and we grew whole gardens. We grew so sly and so skilled with it, learning to spot the hints of oh, this could be slashy in every new show and movie to come our way. Do you see how they left these character dynamics here, unattended on the table? How ripe they are for the pocketing. Here, I'll help you carry them. We'll make off with these so-called straight boys, and we only have to look back if somebody sets out another scene we want for our own.

We were thieves, all of us, and that was fine and that was fair, because to exist as queer in the world was theft to begin with. Stolen time, stolen moments--grand larceny of the institution of marriage, breaking and entering to rob my mother's hopes for grandchildren. Every shoplifted glance at the wrong person in the locker room (and it didn't matter if we never peeked, never dared, they called us out on it anyway). Every character in every fic whose queerness became a crime against this ex-wife, that new love interest. Every time we dared steal ourselves away from the good straight partners we didn't want to date.

And: we built ourselves a den, we thieves, wallpapered in stolen images and filled to the brim with all the words we'd written ourselves. We built ourselves a home, and we filled it with joy. Every vid and art and fic, every ship, every squee. Over and over, every straight boy protagonist who abandoned all womankind for just this one exception with his straight boy protagonist partner found gay orgasms and true love at the end.

Over and over, we said: this isn't ours, this isn't meant to be ours, you did not give this to us--but we are taking it anyway. We will burglarize you for building blocks and build ourselves a palace. These stories and this place in the world is not for us, but we exist, and you can't stop us. It's ours now, full of color and noise, a thousand peoples' ideas mosaic'ed together in celebration. We made this, and it will never be just yours again. You won't ever truly get it back, no matter how many lawyers you send, not completely. We keep what we steal.

.

Things shifted over time, of course. That's good. That's to be celebrated. Nobody should have to steal to survive. It should not be a crime, should not feel like a crime, to find yourself and your space in the world.

There were always content creators who could slip a little wink in when they laid out their wares, oh what's this over here, silly me leaving this unattended where anybody could grab it, of course there might be more over by the side door if you come around the alleyway (but if anybody asks, you didn't get this from ME). We all watched Xena marry Gabrielle, in body language and between the lines. We sat around and traded theories and rumors about whether the people writing Due South knew what they were doing when they sent their buddy cops off into the frozen north alone together at the end of the show, if they'd done it on purpose, if they knew. But over the years, slowly, thankfully, the winks became less sly.

A teenage boy put his hand on another teenage boy's hand and said, you move me, and they kissed on network TV, in a prime-time show, on FOX, and the world didn't burn down. Here and there, where they wanted to, where they could without getting caught by their bosses and managers, content creators stopped subtly nudging people around the back door and started saying, "Here. This is on offer here too, on purpose. You get to have this, too."

And of course, of course that came with a whole host of problems too. Slide around to the back door but you didn't get this from me turned into it's an item on our special menu, totally legit, you've just got to ask because the boss throws a fit if we put it out front. Shopkeepers and content creators started advertising on the sly, come buy your fix here!, hiding the fine print that says you still have to take what you've purchased home and rebuild it with your semi-legal IKEA hacks. Maybe they'll consider listing that Destiel or Sterek as a full-service menu item next year. Is that Crowley/Aziraphale the real thing or is it lite?

And those problems are real and the conversations are worth having, and it's absolutely fair to be frustrated that you can't find the ship you want on sale in anything like your color and size in a vast media landscape packed full of discount hetships and fast-fashion m/f. It's fair to be angry. It's fair to be frustrated. Queerbait is a word that exists for a reason.

There's a part of me that hurts, though, every time the topic comes up. It's a confusing, bad-mannered part of me, but it's still very real. And it's not because I'm fawning for crumbs, trying to be the Good, Non-Threatening Gay. It's not that I'm scared and traumatized by the thought of what might happen if we dare raise our voices and ask for attention. (Well. Not mostly. I'll always remember being quiet and scared and fifteen, but it's been a long two decades since then. I know how to ask for a hell of a lot more now.)

It's because I remember that cozy, plush-wallpapered den of joyful thieves. I remember you keep what you steal.

Every single time--every time--when a story I love sets a couple of characters out on a low, unguarded table, perfectly placed to be pilfered on the sly and taken home and smushed together like a couple of dolls, my very first thought is always, always joy. Always, that instinct says, yay! Says, this is ours now. As soon as I go home and crawl into that pillow-fort den, my instincts say, I will surely find people already at work combing through spoils and finding new ways to combine them, new ways to make them our own. I know there's fic for that. I've already seen fic for that, and I wasn't really interested last time, but the new store display's got my brain churning, and I can't wait to see what the crew back at the hideout does with this.

Every time, that's where my brain goes. And oh, when I realize the display's put out on purpose, that somebody snuck in a legitimate special menu item, when the proprietor gives me the nod and wink and says, you don't have to come around the side, I know it's not much but here--there is so much joy and relief and hope in me from that! Oh, what we can make with these beautiful building blocks. Oh what a story we can craft from the pieces. Oh, the things we can cobble together. Look at that, this one's a little skimpy on parts but we can supplement it, this one's got a whole outline we can fill in however we want. This one technically comes semi-preassembled, and that's boring as shit and a pain to take back apart, but that's fine, we'll manage. We're artists and thieves. I bet someone's pulling out the AU saw to cut it to pieces already.

And then I get back to our den, which has moved addresses a dozen times over the years and mostly hangs out on Tumblr now (and the roof leaks and the landlord's sketchy as fuck but at least they don't charge rent, and we've made worse places our own). And I show up, ready for joy--ready for a dozen other people who saw that low-hanging fruit on that unguarded table, who got the nod and wink about the special menu item, who're ready to get so excited about this newest haul. Did you see what we picked up? The theft was so easy, practically begging to be stolen. The last owner was an idiot with no idea what to do with it. The last owner knew exactly what it could become, bless their heart, under a craftsman with more time on their hands, so they looked away on purpose at just the right time to let me take it home. I show up every time ready for our space, the place that fed me on joy and self-confidence when I was fifteen and starving. The place that taught me, yes, we are thieves, because it is RIGHT to take what we need, and the beautiful things we create are their own justification. We are thieves, and that's wonderful, because nothing is handed to us and that means we get to build our own palaces. We get to keep everything we steal.

I go home, and even knowing the world is different, my instincts and heart are waiting for that. And I walk in the door, and I look at my dash, and I glance over at twitter, and--

And people are angry, again. Angry at the slim pickings from the hidden special menu. So, so tired and angry, at once again having to steal.

And they're right to be! Sometimes (often, maybe) I think they're angry at the wrong people--more angry with the shopkeeper who offers the bite-sized sampler platter of side characters or sneaks their queer content in on the special menu than the ones who don't include it at all. But it's not wrong to be mad that Disney's once again advertising their First Gay Character only to find out it's a tiny sprinkle of a one-line extra on an otherwise straight sundae. It's not wrong to be furious at the world because you've spent your whole life needing to be a thief to survive. It's far from wrong. I'm angry about it too.

But this was my den of thieves, my chop shop, my makerspace. Growing up in fandom, I learned to pick the locks on stories and crack the safes of subtext at the very same time I learned to create. They were the same thing, the same art. We are thieves, my heart says, we are thieves, and that's what makes us better than the people we steal from. We deconstruct every time we create. We build better things out of the pieces.

And people are angry that the pre-fab materials are too hard to find, the pickings too slim, the items on sale too limited? Yes, of course they are, of course they should be--but my heart. Oh, my heart. Every single time, just a little bit, it breaks.

Of course the stories are terrible (they have always been terrible). Of course they are, but we are thieves. We steal the best parts and cobble them back together and what we make is better than it was before. The craftsman's eye that cases a story for weak points, for blank spaces, for anywhere we can fit a crowbar and pry apart this casing--that's skill and art and joy. Of course we shouldn't have to, of course we shouldn't have to, but I still love it. I still want it, crave it. I still thrill every time I see it, a story with hairline cracks that we can work open with clever hands to let the queer in.

That used to be cause for celebration, around here. I ask him to go back to the ruins of Aeor with me, two men together alone on an expedition in the frozen north, it feels like a gift. And I understand why some people take it as an insult. I understand not good enough. I understand how something can feel like a few drops of water to someone dying of thirst, like a slap in the face. If it was so easy to sneak it hidden onto the special menu, to place it on the unguarded side table for someone else to run off to, why not let it sit out front and center in the first place? I know it's frustrating. It should be. We should fight. We should always fight. I know why.

But my heart, oh, my heart. My heart only knows what it's been taught. My heart sees, this thing right here, the proprietor left it there for you with a nod and a wink because they Get It. It's not put together yet, but it's better that way anyway. It's so full of pieces to pull apart and reassemble. I bet they've got a whole mosaic wall going up at home already. We can bring it home and make it OURS, more than it was ever theirs, forget half of what it came from and grow a new garden in what remains.

And I go home to find anger, and my heart breaks instead.