#also any other mentally ill girls feel excitement like anxiety

[lyekisses]

okay so far here are my theories:

yes it’s fob8 but i think it’s also fob ♾️ as in fall out boy forever…i have had my fall out boy forever blanket on my bed since they released it in 2019(?) and the phrase lives in my mind so. i think we’re playing on that here

the smiley face is giving a yin-yang balance of opposites sort of feel and i think we might be entering a black and white era!!! which personally i will enjoy. also black & white= past like black & white film….or BLACK AND WHITE AND READ ALL OVER LIKE THE NEWSPAPER…. but of course it’s fob so we’re blending past and future here …..

im just happy 🥹

[alottiegoingon]

the last night

shauna shipman x fem!reader

summary: shauna comes back after 19 months in the wilderness

warnings: shauna and r had a situationship, very suggestive content but nothing explicit, wilderness time, mentions of mental illness (depression, anxiety), r cheating on her actual gf, manipulative shauna (?), angst but happy ending, not proofread

"i can't believe you're leaving me," you complain in a purposely whiny tone, your voice ringing in shauna's ears as you sit across from each other on the bed. she grips her familiar journal while you help her go through her checklist of essential items.

"i'm not leaving you. It's only a week," she murmurs, her head bowed over her journal, but her eyes lift to catch yours. a playful smile dances on her lips, secretly entertained by your antics.

shauna played as the midfielder for the yellowjackets, a girls' soccer team. their recent victory had secured them a spot in the nationals in seattle, and it was all she could talk about.

you were genuinely excited for her, but the thought of spending so much time apart made you anxious. it wasn’t a full week, technically, but you couldn’t help worrying about shauna meeting someone much cooler in a much cooler place.

"remember the last time?" shauna reminisces about her trip to denver five years ago, also for soccer. you were just middle schoolers then, and you were forced to make new friends while she was gone for days. "you found new friends," her voice crackled slightly.

"so we are friends now?" you say, your voice constricting. shauna doesn't look up but you hear her snort, contrasting with her muscles tensing up. the silence settles in and you don't wait any longer to fill it, not wanting to make things any weirder than they already were.

"anyway. it's just not the same now," shauna understood your words perfectly well, especially considering the kind of friendship you had. still, she questioned.

"why's that?" she inquires, her hands absently rubbing the pen against her journal as she finishes her list.

"you know why," three words of yours were responsible for the abrupt stop of her writing. shauna places the journal and pen aside, focusing on you.

"because no one is as cool as me?" she quips, a self-satisfied grin spreading across her lips.

"that's debatable," you retort, feigning skepticism as you mock her with a playful expression.

"you hurt my feelings like that," her false frown deepens as she leans in.

her hands move surreptitiously toward your legs, eventually landing in a gentle and not so innocent touch on your knees. inch by inch, she traces your skin with her fingertips until her full hands were on your thigs and crawling up to your waist.

"i'm so sorry," you try to keep yourself unbothered by her touch but she's smarter. her nose strokes your cheek, stopping to give your upper lip a messy kiss, and she kisses her way town to your neck.

brushing your hair out of the way along with the heart necklace, her teeth gently grazes on your skin.

"nuh-uh. this won't do," her hot breath into your skin makes you shiver. "i have a better idea."

𖠋

everyone remembers where they are when an upsetting event happens. the death of a celebrity, a natural disaster, a medical trauma. you remember, clear as water, where you were when you read the newspaper. walking back home.

it was all over the news. flight 2525, the private plane that lottie matthews' dad had chartered, had disappeared. the plane shauna was in. making everything worse, the news would often use the word 'crash' instead and you couldn't bare the idea.

soon enough, it hit you that the night before her trip was the last time you would ever see her again. the only thing more unbearable than that was the uncertainty; not knowing if shauna was still out there.

after a month of silence, you thought you had your answer.

people don't move on from things like that, not completely. especially if their best friend was envolved. spending your days in bed, skipping meals and not going to class became part of your new routine. you lost track of whether it was day or night, whether the sun was shining or not. your mind was consumed by her.

moving on or not, life goes on and the world doesn't slow down for anyone. after six months, normalcy had returned for most. apart from the parents and a handful of students, the yellowjackets had faded from people's memories, just like their plane. this pissed you off. you barely had time to grieve as the rest of the world rushed forward.

forcing yourself to merely exist, not truly live, you returned to class. like a ghost, you attracted curious glances and avoided them like the plague. after graduation, college was the next step.

a year later, shauna’s parents asked if you wanted anything from her room. something special, or perhaps just to visit. you were certain it wasn’t a good idea, but you went anyway. under her pillow, you found an envelope from brown university—the same school you were attending, the place you and shauna had planned to go together.

that was all it took to break you down into a sobbing mess on her bed.

𖠋

things got better. not perfect, not the way they used to be, but better. you weren't alone anymore but always had to push away the idea of losing all of your friends at once, one in special. luckily or not, college kept you busy.

"have you finished tomorrow's essay? It's so boring I might just drop the class," your girlfriend says, dropping a pile of old books on the cafeteria table and sitting across from you.

"i have dark circles under my eyes, what do you think?" you groan, lifting your head. she leans over the table to kiss your forehead.

"i think you still look pretty, baby."

"thanks, but I'm not letting you copy my work."

"worth the shot," she chuckles, placing two cups of coffee on the table, sliding one towards you.

your plan was to finish that damn essay and be completely free. the cafeteria was buzzing with students, but at least they were minding their own business. that's what you get for studying in a campus cafeteria.

"did you hear what happened to them? i'm so glad they're alive. It must have been so tough," her sudden comment startles you, taking a moment to register.

you swallow a lump in your throat as you glance over your shoulder at the TV, where crowds of people are watching the news: 'yellowjackets rescued'.

"holy shit," you whisper, the shock setting in as you realize you hadn't revealed not only your awareness of their situation but also your complex connection with one of them.

𖠋

a week after shauna got back, her parents had called you your stomach was turning upside down and your anxiety levels were through the roof. you couldn't manage to put your feelings into words.

you knocked on her bedroom door, too anxious to wait, just to announce yourself. for the first time in almost two years, shauna stood before you. she bore a few scars, nothing too severe; her hair had grown longer, losing its waves; her eyes seemed somehow larger, fixed on you as if she had just saw something extraodrinary.

she leapt from the bed, a cautious gaze scanning you, before rushing toward you and embracing you tightly.

her arms wrapped around your shoulders, her fingers digging into your clothes so intensely it almost hurt. you reciprocated, holding her waist tightly to keep her close, unsure when the tears started flowing, but you feeling your shoulders becoming wet.

"hi," she whisper between tears, her voice crackling.

"hi," you echo her. "i thought i would never see you again."

"i know," she sniffs, clinging to you. the last thing she murmurs for the long time you two spent hugging.

shauna was back, but she was much quieter, easily irritated, and frightened by everything. she had every right to feel that way, but you were worried. no one was allowed inches close to her journal and you respected that, encouraging her to write about her feelings.

your finals didn't matter anymore; nothing else did. for the next few weeks, you were constantly by her side. even waiting outside the bathroom door like a loyal dog.

however, you weren't the same as before. you weren't as touchy or intimate, especially after shauna discovered you were dating someone else. she became distant and strange, pushing you away and ignoring your calls.

"hey, I bought you a new book. It's from that author you used to like before..." you stop yourself mid-sentence. "you know."

forcing a smile, you place the book on her desk. her vacant eyes meet yours, but she remains still, lying in bed staring at the ceiling.

"is everything okay?" you ask hesitantly, walking towards her and offering your hand.

the silence lingers but she accepts your hand and joins you.

"shauna?" you say. as soon as she's on her feet, she drops your hand quickly.

"everything is fine," she says sharply.

"right... it's just that you've been acting weird lately," you explain, trying not to upset her.

"in case you didn't know, I was trapped in a cabin in the middle of nowhere for almost two years," she snaps, her body stiffening.

"yes, i know," you say, inhaling deeply. "but I—"

"don't you have to go back to your girlfriend anyway?" she interrupts, glancing at the door and then back at you. she clearly wanted you out.

"no, I don't," you reply, frowning. "is she why you're acting like an idiot?"

she snorts, taking a step forward, her eyes narrowing.

"It's funny how I'm the idiot when you've replaced me with someone else so quickly," you would feel bad thanks to the pain in her voice if it weren't for her absurd words.

"replace you?" you scoff. "she's my girlfriend, shauna."

"and what was I?"

"you were my friend! we were friends."

her face shuts down completely, lips parting as if ready to shout something, but she stops herself. you weren't sure if you agreed with your own words, but it’s too late now.

"i thought you were dead," you say, taking a deep breath to keep your voice steady. shauna, however, seems perfectly fine with letting her voice rise.

"you sure did," she says, shaking her head slightly.

"well, you left me."

"not because I wanted to, you fucking idiot!" she snarls, suddenly pressing her forearm against your collarbones and pushing you backwards. you gasp in surprise as your back hits the cold wall.

"shauna! what are you doing?" you try to push her away, but she’s stronger than you remember and hold you in place.

"do you ever think of me when you kiss her?" she whispers, ignoring your question. her breath is ragged, her chest heaving. she tilts her head slightly, studying your face. then she leans closer, her lips just brushing against yours.

you can hardly make sense of her words, stunned by her sudden change in behavior. your mouth hangs open, but no sound comes out.

"answer me," she growls, pressing her arm harder against you. her jaw clenches, making you yelp, and you immediately whisper a faint 'yes.'

she smirks, crashing her lips into yours. though you hesitated for a moment, you quickly recovered, syncing your movements with her rough rhythm. when you try to pull her closer by the hips, she lets go of your chest, grasping your wrists and pinning them along with you.

the urgent kiss didn't last much longer as she trailed her way down to your jawline with small bites and feral kisses, eventually reaching your neck. in her preferred area, you cry out her name when she sinks her teeth into your skin, drawing blood.

when did she got so into biting?

[luckieduckiie]

Daddy & Duke | d. dennis & chrisnxtdoor

in which Chris asks Duke to watch yall & he does…

Duke wasn’t a conservative guy by any means, everyone knew that, but nothing could have prepared him for the request which Chris had just asked of him.

“Man what?” Duke asked again, unsure if he had heard what his friend really said.

“Bro, I’m for real man. She said it was something she has always wanted and you’re the only guy I know mature enough not to go run they mouth about it or make shit weird,” Chris stated matter of factly.

Duke scratched his head through his beaning, “So you are asking me to sit and watch you and your girl fuck?”

“Yeah nigga, she says the thought of that shit turn her on.” Chris stated.

“Man, that’s some crazy shit. Did she say she wanted it to be me that watched yall?” He quizzed.

“No, actually she said she didn’t want it to be anyone from AMP at all since she aint met yall yet and she don’t want the first impression she makes to be one like that.” Chris sighed. “But Duke you a handsome guy man so who else better. No homo though nigga.”

Duke just stared at the man across from him for a moment digesting what was just said. “Nigga what?”

“Man yes or no, fuck you making shit difficult.” Chris said slightly annoyed and before Duke could think about what he was nodding his head in agreement.

“Bet, ima drop you a lo tonight around 9 ish. Ima take her to dinner and ill leave the key underneath the mat just go in to the bedroom and wait ight.” Chris said excitedly.

“Ight man, fuck.” Duke agreed standing up.

“Real shit, thank you man. I knew I could count on you.” Chris said standing up and pulling Duke into a hug.

“Yeah, of course.” Duke said hugging the other man back.

With a smile Chris pulled away and walked out of the older mans room leaving only him and his thoughts together.

→

Go inna bathroom we finna be in

Duke stared at the text as he sat on the blue bed. When he had got the location from Chris he had just woken up from a nap and had to hurry to shower and get dressed and drive to the apartment. He was scared that there would be someone else in it but he was glad to see that the only other occupant was a small dog.

He pushed himself up off of the edge of the bed and entered the bathroom. Just as he did he heard the front door click open and a string of giggles coming from who he could only presume was you.

“Chris, what the fuck did you do?” He heard you say still giggling as you two got close to the door.

“Nothing, just keep yo eyes closed ok.” He heard his friend say as the bedroom door creaked open.

“Fine.” He heard you huff as you sat on the bed.

“Ok ima just put this on you so I know you aint gone peek ok baby.” Chris said.

“Alright.” You giggled.

A few moments passed and soon the door opened to expose Duke standing in the bathroom grinning ear to ear.

‘Sit right there’ Chris mouthed pointed to the grey velvet chair in the front of the room. Duke gave him a thumbs up and slowly walked to the chair careful not to make any noise, a certain anxious feeling making its way into his stomach- excitement disguised as anxiety really.

“Ok babygirl don’t take off your blind fold until I tell you ok.” Chris said creeping closer to you.

“Ok daddy.” You said voice quieter than before Duke noted mentally. He could finally get a good look at you for the first time too and he wanted to congratulate Chris, he did good. He could tell you were tiny, at least in comparison to the two of them just by the way your feet dangled as you sat on the edge of the bed. He could also see your thick thighs as they were on display by your shorts, and he couldn’t help but smirk at the sight. You looked good and honestly if you weren’t with Chris he would try to make you one of his.

Chris sat down beside you and pulled you into his lap positioning his dick right in the crevasse of your ass and your back to his chest. “You ready love.” He whispered in your ear before peppering kissing along your neck. His eyes locked with his friends for a moment before they started looking back at you.

You only moan in response tilting your head back and arching your back a little pushing your ass into his dick even more. Duke drinks up the sight, shifting in his seat as he sees his friends hand slide in your shorts and begin massaging your pussy.

“Daddy take them off please.” You beg spreading your legs apart to give him better access.

Chris silently obliges and swiftly removes them leaving you only in a gray thong. Dukes breath hitched as he say the wet spot right on your pearl. He shifted his hips up and legs apart as he began to feel himself hardening at the sight. It was so lewd, but so sexy.

He watched as Chris’ long digits began to rub circles right in the wet spot and the fabric sank within your folds- his lips still nipping at your neck all the while.

“Daddy, stop teasing me.” You whined, hands gripping his wrists.

“Tell me what you want mama, use your words.” He murmured into your neck, large hands rising to grip at your breast.

“Fuck me, eat me, anything.” You say breathlessly.

Chris smirks as he begins to tug the end of the fitted top you had on slipping it over your head, careful not to pull the mask off along with it exposing your breast. Duke took a sharp breath at the sight feeling himself becoming harder by the moment.

“You want daddy to fuck you baby?” Chris asked lowly in your ear his own length nudging at your ass.

“Yes please.” You pleaded, pussy throbbing as he was still rubbing slow circles through your underwear.

Wordlessly Chris lifts you from his lap just to slip his shorts down to release his dick and you can now feel it against your ass. He slides your panties to the side finally exposing your slick, aching pussy. Duke becomes restless at the sight and feels like this surprise for you is somehow punishment for him. He wants to glide his fingers through your folds and watch as you lick your juices off of them, but he is imprisoned to the chair in front of you.

Chris rubs himself through your folds basking in the slickness of your clit coating his tip before he finally positions himself with your entrance and slowly lowers your down onto him. Your breath hitching as he finally fully gets to a halt, the entire length buried inside of your wetness.

“Fuck.” The younger man mutters closing his eyes briefly to bask in the bliss.

At these words you slowly begin to grind on him and Dukes eyes become transfixed on your breast that bounce during this motion. He can’t help as his hand goes down to palm himself through the sweats. Chris notices this and grins. He grabs your hips and begins thrusting into you.

“Ah fuck, daddy.” You cry out, reaching back to find his body.

“ You like that baby?” Chris questions.

“I love it daddy!” You cry out.

As the words spill out of your mouth Chris without a second thought reaches up and takes off the fabric that was covering your eyes. As your eyes adjust to your renewed sense, you immediately lock eyes with the man in front of you and gasp.

“You like it huh baby, this what you wanted aint it?” Chris is the one to speak first and honestly it is turning him on too. He never expected that having one of his closest friends or anyone for that matter watching him in such an intimate setting as this would give him this kind of thrill, but it did. He wanted to bend you over and offer Duke your mouth as a sign of gratitude, but this was more than enough for the moment.

Your mouth is open, but words aren’t able to come out as you stare at the man in front of you. His lips were slightly parted as his hand gripped his own length through his sweatpants, and you were able to see the diamonds that were in his mouth. His high cheekbones and chocolate skin were illuminated perfectly in the lighting from the room, and you couldn’t deny that he was handsome.

Chris hand gripping your throat bought you back to reality and you let out a loud cry as he pulled you into the bed and pushed your head down into the blanket. Duke breathed heavily as he spotted thesmall cherry tattoo on your right cheek and snaked his hand underneath his waistband pulling himself out.

“Answer me baby.” Chris says again, snaking a hand around your neck “Aint this what you wanted.”

“Y-yes, this is what I wanted daddy.” You moan, as he slams into you.

“What you supposed to say? “He growls voice low.

“Thank you.” You say your voice barely above a whisper.

“I cant fucking hear you baby, what you say?” He asks again hips snapping into yours, sending ripples throughout your ass.

“I said thank you daddy.” You cry as you grip the sheets in attempts to brace yourself as he continues to assault your cunt.

“And what you wanna say to Duke?”

The older of the two perks up as he hears his friend finally mention his name.

Your eyes low and full of need bore into his tight ones and you moan. “T-thank you Duke.” You moan out.

Dukes tempo increases as he continues to stroke himself and for the first time since he has been here he spoke, voice low and full of lust, “Ya welcome gorgeous.”

Chris continues his assault of you and Duke continues to watch, transfixed on the sight in front of him and unable to take his eyes away even if that was what he desired. He wanted you, and in some small part of his mind he wanted to be with yall. He wanted to add to this dynamic of dominance and create his own role in your life. He wanted to see you underneath him just as you were with Chris, he wanted to be the one to taste you on his lips, to kiss you, to squeeze you. He wanted you more than anything right now, but Chris. He had the upmost respect for his friend, afterall if not for him he would have not been able to witness you and all your glory.

“You hear that baby,” Chris voice broke him away from his thoughts, “He said youre gorgeous. He thinks you look gorgeous like this- ass up, pussy full of my dick”

Duke now took a little time to admire his friend, and he was beyond surprised. He never took Chris as one to be this vocal ever, but here it seemed as though he was the shining star, leading you with his words and actions and everything that you did was as an extension of him.

“Y-yes daddy, I heard him” You whine, “Thank you Duke.”

Duke cant help but float at how effortlessly his name tumbles from your lips.

“You gone be a good girl and squirt for daddy and Duke?” Chris says feeling his climax nearing, and reaching his arm around and fingers beginning to massage your clit.

You cant help the loud whines that escape your mouth as he stimulates your center eyes locked on the man in front of you stroking himself vigorously to the tempo of you and Chris, lip between his glistening teeth.

“Yeah that’s it baby I feel it squirt on daddy dick and show Duke what a good girl you are.” Chris grunts his breath getting quicker as he feels himself closer and closer to his release.

Your body goes limp and a mixture of cries and huffs escape your mouth as you feel the man behind you pull out and attaches his mouth to your clit sucking as you squirt all over his face. He only stops when you go limp and fall onto the bed to reinsert his dick and pound you like a madman chasing his own climax.

Your eyes shoot to Dukes as you hear a struggled grunt escape his mouth as his hand and hoodie become painted with white stripes.

“Fuck.” You hear Chris cry as you feel his dick twitch within your walls and his warm cum fills your insides. His strokes are small as he fucks you through his release. Once he’s done he collapses onto your side, arm on your ass as he rubs circles into it.

Exhaustion washes over you like a tide and you feel your eyes become low and your mind clouded. Chris takes a few moment to catch his breath before sliding off the bed and walking in the bathroom taking a quick look at his friend as he did so.

“Hey, ima run her a bath if you wanna wait till I get her in I can get a rag and some of my sweatpants.” He offers his friend.

“Type shit, preciate it.” Duke agrees grateful.

As Chris begins to walk off he looks back at the older of the pair and grins, “That shit was good wasn’t it, I was killing her shit.”

Duke cant help the laugh that escapes his lips. “Hell yeah nigga you did yo shit.”

“On God nigga but say next time you gotta join that shit had her ass wet as fuck.”

Duke couldn’t help but smile “Type shit, next time.”

yall like it?? i felt like i finally got back in my element lmk what yall think!

[apollonshootafar]

The Second Mate

Also on AO3

Chapter 1

Something was going to happen today.

She wasn’t sure how or when or if, but something inside her screamed imminence. Of course, it could be her anxiety that she was taking a pharmacy’s worth of meds for; Nevertheless, something felt off about today.

It was first day of 12th Grade in a new school in a new town, and after looking around a bit she was sure she was the only immigrant there. She was, however, used to being the outsider. She was a 200-pound-something, Foreign nutjob with mental illnesses that would petrify a small Victorian child. ADHD and Anxiety was pretty common to be fair but she was pretty sure Psychosis wasn’t.

She went through her morning routine as usual. It was more of a ritual than a routine at this point. It had to get done otherwise something bad would happen. She started her routine by doing her skincare routine. Face wash first, then toner, then serum, moisturizer and SPF. She had to look her best at all times otherwise… well there was no otherwise. She had to look perfect. She continued with brushing her hair and tying it into a neat ponytail. She then brushed her teeth for exactly 60 seconds then followed up with mouthwash for 30 seconds.

After finishing her ‘ritual’ she left her little en-suite and went back  into her cozy little bedroom. She decided on a beautiful dress with tiny pink flowers on it. She forwent a bra as she usually did (they were evil boob prisons) and put on her white frilly socks. She put on a pair of gorgeous but fake pearl earrings and necklace and went downstairs to leave the house.

“You’re going to school, not a fashion show,” greeted her mother. She ignored her as always and went out the door after picking up her backpack, which was pink of of course, and wearing her her shoes. It was time.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Are you sure we’re meeting her today?” Asked Emmet, who was excited but suspicious he would finally be meeting his second mate after waiting nearly 70 years. Rosalie, on the other hand, was anything but excited. She did not like the thought of sharing her only mate to a puny little human girl. She frowned.

“Yes! Stop hounding me, I saw it happen, you’ll meet her today!” Alice being Alice didn’t really mind sharing hers. She was actually kind of excited too.

“Are you sure?”

“YES, EMMET!”

Jasper, however, wasn’t sure what to expect today. He too had waited for nearly 70 years for his second mate alas he was more apprehensive then excited. He was scared. She was human and humans were fragile little things. What if he broke your hand while trying to hold it, or finally broke his streak and ate you?

“You’ll be fine” declared Edward. The little asshole couldn’t help listening his  thoughts.

Jasper ignored his brother and gave a big sigh. He followed the rest of his siblings to their cars that would be taking them to school today; Rosalie’s red Cadillac and Edward’s silver Volvo. 

The ride to school was terrible. Though at least Emmet was happy. Jasper could feel his giddiness. He kept hounding Alice questions about their mate except he didn’t allow her to answer any of them.

“How does she look like?”

“Is she short, or tall?”

“Is she a blonde or a brunette?”

“Will she like us?”

“Do you think I’m her type?”

“When will we meet her again?”

 “SHUT UP, EMMET!”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She was lucky she lived only about 30 minutes away from school. Americans would probably think that an absurd amount but where she was from it was a perfectly acceptable distance.

She wiped the sweat off her face and stared at Forks Highschool. It was definitely one of the smaller schools she’d went to. As she was walking into the building to find the secretary she was stopped by a small girl.

“Hi! You must be the new girl! We’ve been expecting you for ages!”

Her cheeks blushed a soft pink. She didn’t know she’d be this popular already.

“Hi, umm yeah this is she- I mean I am her.” Fuck, she was awkward. Come on sertraline, do your job!

Alice giggled, Jasper’s mate was cute. “I’m Alice, and these are my siblings.”

Just as she was about to wonder where they were, four beautiful pale strangers appeared before her. Her heart was fluttering like crazy, the blond and the brunet guys were HOT.

Alice went on to introduce Edward, who gave her a small smile, then Rosalie, who had already decided to hate her and answered with a glare. The giant brunet left Rosalie’s side to her dismay and extended his hand and gave a charming smile: “I’m Emmett, we’ve been expecting you.” Just as she was about to answer Emmett she was interrupted by the tall blond guy. Well, his sudden departure.

Her heart was palpitating, what had she done? She had just met them she could not have possibly offended them already, could she?

“Jasper is just anxious, nothing to worry about.” Edward had heard her thoughts and decided to take pity on her.

“Oh, okay…” He answered her thoughts as if she spoke them out loud, was she that obvious? Alice meanwhile had linked their arms together and was dragging her to the school. “You have AP Gov first period, let me take you!”

Wow, how did Alice know what her first period was? She decided she would not be friends with the beautiful pale siblings. They were weird and they overwhelmed her senses. She removed her arm from Alice. “Uh, I’ll just have to go to administration before class. You can go ahead, don’t miss class for me.” She didn’t care if Alice and the beautiful pale siblings following behind her missed their classes; she just did NOT want to be near them anymore.

Rosalie suddenly huffed and left their side, which led Emmet to follow behind her after giving her a wink and an excited smile. Edward gave a sigh of exhaustion and left after giving them a small wave. She was alone with Alice now.

“No worries! I’m sure Mr. Webster will understand when I tell him I was helping the new girl!” Her smile never left her face. It creeped her out to no end.

Alice took her arm without even allowing her to give a reply and dragged her to what she thought was administration. She had a feeling she could not escape Alice, nor the other siblings.

[joshym]

Watch Me

Pairing: Josh x f!reader

Summary: You love getting to support Josh in all of his pursuits, but sometimes your anxiety gets the best of you. And knowing this, he finds the perfect way to use music to offer you comfort in a particularly anxious moment. 

Word Count: 1.6k+

A/N: Josh at Lollapalooza is one of my greatest weaknesses. And him singing this song, at Lollapalooza specifically, is a huge comfort to me. I thought it only fitting to write a one shot in which he offers support to his girlfriend in a moment of anxiety. We all know he would be the most attentive boyfriend to any mental illness, and this story shows how he’d use music (you both love) to do so. 

This is my first story to share on here, so I am a little nervous to post. But, I wanted to share just in case this hit home for anyone who struggles with anxiety. I seriously hope you enjoy! 

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, allusions to sex, serious fluffiness.

“Just look at me. Don’t focus on anything else, just watch me. Okay, baby?”

🎶🥀🎶

You had always loved concerts. Live music ignited something in your soul that nothing else came remotely close to achieving. You loved following Josh and the boys around to their shows, seeing them do what they love and watching them succeed. You made it a point to go to as many shows as possible, and Josh loved your support. He fed off of it, always saying he performed at his best just knowing you were in the crowd. He also loved getting to see you right after each show, so full of excitement and adrenaline. You loved seeing him so happy, and you loved that you could be a small part of that joy he exuded. 

The boys were gearing up to play the Lollapalooza festival in Chile this week, and you were eager to join and witness what you knew would be one of their best shows. The only issue: there are no seats at festivals, just general admission.

Yes, you loved concerts, always had. But admittedly, you avoided general admission due to your intense anxiety. You’ve struggled with your anxious thoughts for as long as you can remember. It can be quite debilitating at times. 

Josh is always so attentive and understanding, constantly making sure you’re okay and not too overwhelmed. He also knows just what to do to calm you down. He knows you so well, and he knows exactly how to reassure you and help you feel safe in any situation.

Josh knew you were nervous. He told you multiple times that you didn’t have to come along this time, but you insisted. You knew he would need you there and you didn’t want to miss this magical moment for him and his brothers.

“I just worry about you, sweetheart. Your soul is too lovely to be plagued with such trouble. Really, it’s okay if you can’t put yourself through it. I’ll know you’re there in spirit, sweet girl.”

“I’m not missing this, babe. I’ll be just fine, I promise. I can’t miss this. I’m so proud of you, and it wouldn’t feel right to not be there just because I get a little overwhelmed.”

“Well, if you insist. Just promise me that if you feel the nerves rising, watch me. Just look at me. Don’t focus on anything else, just watch me. Okay, baby?”

“I do insist, and I will. I promise. And truth be told, I don’t think I’d be able to focus on anything else if I tried. You’re pretty dazzling, especially on the stage.”

“Gee whiz, what did I do to deserve the likes of you, huh? I’m quite lucky to have you, you know.”

🎶🥀🎶

The day has come. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t terrified. There’s a lot of people out there, and soon you’ll be mixed in with the eager crowd. This show wasn’t set up like the others. Usually, you’d be seated on the side of the stage on either Jake or Sam’s side. You were never fond of being backstage, as you loved being able to see them from the audience’s perspective. Each show was never short of breathtaking, and you loved being amongst all the loving and adoring fans in the safety of seated sections.

This time, your only option was a pass that gave you access to the barricade. You’d have the best view of the whole crowd, but the mind-numbing thoughts and fears were becoming a bit too much. You were so much in your head about all the things that could go wrong. There were so many people out there. So. Many. People.

You had helped Josh get ready, helping him situate his mic pack on his red velvet pants. This was by far one of your favorite looks on him and it was a welcome distraction. You’d been so excited to see him wear this outfit on stage, and you’d even dressed yourself as a perfect match to him in your own red velvet cropped vest and mini skirt adorned with jewels and a single white rose on your hip.

After getting his mic pack positioned and attached just right, he turned to you and grabbed you by the waist with a strong and intentional grasp, looking you up and down.

“Gosh, you look magnificent. I won’t be able to keep my eyes off of you.”

He leaned in to kiss you, and you relished in it. It was full of passion and love. You reciprocated, kissing him back with the same fervor. You could’ve stayed in this moment forever. He was so comforting, so reassuring. 

The kiss was reluctantly broken by Josh’s warning that it was almost time to hit the stage, and almost time for you to be escorted to your spot in the mix of fans.

“Remember what I said, baby. Just watch me.” He gave you another quick peck on the lips, followed by a wink. 

You were taken to your spot, and the nerves were hitting. You felt so confined and restricted. You were counting each second until your beloved graced the stage, eager to lay your eyes on him and feel the instant relief you knew that would bring.

Finally, here they come. 

Jake’s guitar roars through the atmosphere, Danny’s drums beat louder than the pounding of your anxious heart, Sammy’s bass reverberating through your being.

And Josh. His voice captivating you. No matter how many times you hear him sing, he never fails to astonish you. You’re always left enchanted.

The familiar chords of The Cold Wind begin, and you feel your body become a bit lighter. 

The familiarity and comfort ease the tension, and you keep your eyes locked on Josh. He glances your way every so often, blushing and smiling each time. 

The boys were notorious for planning their setlists right before a show, allowing the list come naturally and authentically to them as they prepare to hit the stage.

Because of this, you pretty much never knew what to expect from them, and you absolutely loved that.

The next few songs were electric. This crowd was so full of love for them, and the boys could feel it. 

However, your anxiety was beginning to cripple you. You could feel the weight of the crowd, the screaming and yelling becoming louder and louder. You kept your focus on Josh, and it helped. You were nervous, but you’d be damned if you let it show. 

Flower Power had just come to its exuberant ending. You were anxiously awaiting the next tune, noticing Josh’s glances had become a bit more frequent. You had a funny feeling that he had something planned, though you had no idea what it could possibly be. You were intrigued, to say the least.

“Watch Me now, Watch Me!”

There it was. 

You instantly knew where this was going.

Jake’s guitar began strumming the familiar tune, Sammy’s keys quickly following suit. 

“Watch me when you call my name…”

Watch Me. The song Josh sings to you anytime you’re in the midst of your struggles. This song has been your source of comfort for as long as you can remember, something Josh loves about you as it’s one of his favorite songs, too.

“Yes, I’m so glad you came…”

You knew exactly what he was doing. He knew this song would bring you comfort and serenity, and he added it to the setlist just for you.

“Touch me in your own sweet way…”

Your eyes instantly became welled with tears. Tears of pure joy and love. 

In this moment, Josh was all you could see, all you could hear. He filled your senses. 

Nothing else mattered. He was singing this for you, he was singing this to you. He looked at you continuously to gage your reaction, smiling brightly when he saw the happiness splayed across your face. 

“All the time, I love you…”

The crowd reciprocated the song beautifully, clapping to the beat and chiming in on the chorus. 

Josh’s stage presence was electrifying. 

You couldn’t take your eyes off his, making eye contact with your beloved as he sings so beautifully.

“Say that you’re mine…”

He looks at you again, smiling ear to ear, pointing at you. You’ve suddenly forgotten about any fear you’d had leading up to this moment. It just didn’t seem to matter anymore. You were protected, you were loved, you were happy.

“I’m still falling, but not quite so far…”

The song came to an end in pure Greta Van Fleet fashion: extravagantly.  

Josh waved a peace sign to the crowd, making your heart full.

The rest of the set was incredible to say the least. The boys played their hearts out as usual, but you were so ready for it to end so you could see Josh and hold him tighter than ever before.

🎶🥀🎶

You were escorted to their trailers, and you eagerly pushed your way through to him. You grabbed him, and he instantly lifted you up and spun you around with excitement. You kissed him with even more intensity than before, eliciting a small moan from him.

“I take it you liked the set, yeah?”

He’s smirking at you, knowing good and well what your answer is without you needing to say a single word.

“You’re absolutely unreal, Joshua. You’re prodigious, you’re beautiful, you’re—.”

He stops you with a kiss, stealing the breath from your lungs.

“Now listen, I’m the rambler in this relationship. Stop while you’re ahead, sweet girl, trust me.” 

You both break out in boisterous giggles together, and you watch the way his nose scrunches as he laughs.

“I just love you a lot. Thank you, Josh.”

He pulls you in to a deeper kiss, his hands trailing up and down your body as yours wrap around his neck, playing with his curls that rest in the back.

He moves slightly to lock the door to the trailer.

You break the kiss, looking at him with lustful eyes.

“Wouldn’t want anyone to walk in and ‘watch’ us, right?”

🎶🥀🎶

A/N: I wanted to link the performance for anyone who may want to watch it again. It’s just so beautiful. 😭 

Masterlist

[elliexmylove]

YOU KNOW ONE DIRECTION?

Pairing: Peter Parker x GN reader

Warnings: anxiety, social anxiety

Word count: 4.5k

Summary: you meet spiderman one lonely night and listen to music together, you also meet Peter and become best friends, and maybe more?

Notes: I'm so sorry the ending is rushed but it's 2am and I'm really tired<3

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Sat lonely on the rooftop of your apartments building, music filled your ears, earphones tangled, goosebumps graced your skin from the cold breeze. It was a sad life, no friends, bad relationship with your mum who you lived with, mentally ill, the only thing giving you life at the moment was your dog, Sorren.

Thinking about going back down, lying in bed and watching Netflix or Disney+ was rudely interrupted by a person in red and blue swinging onto the roof.

Oh, spider man.

Thinking he was probably just here to take a break you stayed silent.

"Hey," a weak but friendly voice hesitantly said, voice cracking slightly.

You turned to look at him, unsure if he was talking to you, but realised of course there was no one else he could be talking to.

"Hi," You awkwardly smile, eyes darting from him to the ground.

Reaching for your phone resting on the concrete ground, you turn the volume down slightly, if he tries to talk to you again.

He points to the ground with his finger in a questioning manner, asking if it's okay to sit and you nod. Once sat, you two just stare at the city in front of you, in silence for at least five minutes.

"What're you listening to?" He questions,

"Uh well my Playlist is on shuffle and a song just finished, lemme check what's playing now."

Your phone lights up revealing your home screen and song that is about to start.

"Transgender by Crystal castles."

"Oh, I haven't heard of that." He pauses, "I'll have to listen to it now." Even with the mask you can tell he seems to be smiling,

"You can now if you'd like, I'm not sure what music you listen to so you may not like it,"

you regret saying anything at all, feeling stupid.

"Yeah sure!"

"I'll take most of my mask off but leave it covering my face,"

"I can just take the earphones out-"

"No no, I like them, it makes music better."

You smile and hand him one half of them, anxiety fills you a little, a lot of people haven't liked your music taste, you wish he'd come when you were listening to a playlist with other songs you know other people like, but this was the Playlist you listen to when sad or feeling empty.

With a sigh you relax a little, it's just music. But then you remember it's spider man and it comes back, you have just been talking to spider man. It makes you feel sick.

He probably thinks you're weird, and-

"Huh," he says, and you turn your head to look at him,

"It's not what I would usually listen to but it's cool."

"What music do you listen to?"

"Have you heard of One direction?" He seems to sheepishly grin,

Excitement takes over your anxiety. One Direction was your childhood, you still listen to it mainly for the nostalgia, but it's just great music.

"Yeah?" He says seeing the look on your face,

You nod with a smile, "who hasn't?"

Unlocking your phone, spotify appears,

"Which one?" You look to him,

"Kiss you?"

You turn your head back to your phone, typing and then playing it.

The familiar music starts playing and happiness causes a little grin on your face,

Oh I just wanna take you anywhere you like we could could go out any day any night

Spider man begins humming along to it, suddenly you feel comfortable around him, this is honestly the first time you've been happy around anyone but yourself for a while.

His head bounces to the song and you fight the urge to sing along.

"Do you think I should take the earphones out for this song?"

"Yeah,"

You pull it out of your phone and the music gets a little louder, setting the earphones aside you turn the volume up,

So tell me girl if every time we touch, you get this kind of rush, lemme say yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah if you don't wanna take it slow and you just wanna take me home

He starts singing to it and you laugh,

"Hey!"

"I'm not laughing at your singing," you grin,

"And let me kiss you!" You sing, probably regretting it as you lie in bed tonight.

For the rest of the song you just hum along, having fun for the first time in a long time. And with spider man of all people.

Just as one thing starts playing sirens sound somewhere nearby,

"Aw man," he says

"This was really really fun, but I gotta go," He pulls the rest of his mask over the back of his head,

"Bye spidey,"

He smiles at the nickname under his mask, then shoots a web to a building, swinging from that to another.

You're left by yourself again, Sighing you get up, stare at the city for a second and start walking back down to your apartment, earphones now back and playing the rest of 1D's songs until you get there.

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Sorren's tail starts wagging as you walk into your bedroom, his head still lying on his paws, the room was dark, the moon and city lights lighting it up enough to see, a large window taking up basically the whole wall was placed on the right side, your double bed with comfy blankets placed in the same corner.

Sitting on the bed sorren shuffles so his head can be on your lap, your laptop's screen was still illuminated from before you left, after a large sigh you paid attention to sorren.

"Who's a good boy, did you miss me? Hm?"

He shuffles around excitedly while staying in the same spot, you rub the sides of his head a little roughly but not hurting him. He was no small dog but he loved taking up as much space on your bed as he could.

The lights were beautiful in the city as you stared at it through your window, sorren had fallen asleep in the time you sat on your bed doing nothing. It was well past twelve, you should go to sleep, a buzz broke your empty thoughts and your phone turned off as it went flat. Yet another reason to go to sleep, so in doing so the day came much quicker than you'd like.

The sun shone on you, squinting your eyes open, the dread of the day filled you, all that had to be done was school and grocery shopping, not that bad, but it was hard enough getting out of bed.

Sorren realised you had woken up and started whining from happiness, tail wagging at an alarming rate and licking around his snout as he made his way up the bed to you, a grin grew on your face as you welcomed him.

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Arriving at school the weather had turned into clouds and light rain, the best kind. Immediate dread came as you saw all of the students around, social anxiety was not fun, you stuff your hands into your pockets and your demeanour is slouched, eyes not meeting anyone.

Your head filled with thoughts of judgement, you tried to distract yourself with the thought of sorren and how you would see him at the end of the day. Heart racing you walked past people.

A particular person seemed to be staring at you, he had curly brown hair and brown eyes, breathing became difficult and sorren was no longer enough to make you feel better.

"Hi," the boy said as you walked past him,

"Hi." You tried your best to smile.

Once sat in your seat for class you calmed down a little, leg bouncing as the teacher began to speak.

After a while he asked if anyone could answer the question, you thought you knew the answer but feared it was wrong so didn't say anything, someone else said the answer and was right, you were also right and annoyed for not speaking up.

Mind drifting you accidently zone out for the most of class, and before you knew it the time for lunch had come. Everyone walked out including you to the cafeteria.

Upon arriving you got food and saw a table with only one other person sitting there, you knew she was rather quiet so figured it was perfect.

"Is it okay if I sit here?"

She looked up from her phone,

"Go for it."

With that being said you sat down, grabbing a book from your bag, with horror you saw the cover had been bent in half from the position it must have been in the bag. Bending it back the other way it helped but still a crease line and stuck out a bit.

"Hey,"

The boy that stared at you earlier was now standing next to you,

"Hello,"

"Is it okay if I sit with you?"

A flash of panic ran through you but you told yourself to stop overreacting,

"Yeah sure."

He smiled in return,

"I'm Peter,"

He said once sat down, "I'm Y/n," you said and looked back down to your book,

"Aw no its bent huh," you looked to him not used to people saying more than five words to you, "Yeah, I should've placed it more carefully in my bag,"

"Is it a good book?" He continues,

You look up again, this time just with your eyes, "Mhm."

"What's it about?" He was trying to hold a conversation with you, though he realised it wasn't quite as easy as last night on the rooftop, when he saw you today he recognised you and was excited you were in the same school as him.

"It's kinda hard to explain." You didn't leave much room for the conversation to continue, you don't really mean to but it always happens, you never know what to say.

"Okay." He smiled, he really wanted to get to know you but could see maybe now wasn't the best time, so he would try again later.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Once school finished you walked to the supermarket, it was a bit of a walk but you didn't mind.

You opened notes and checked the grocery list, the stand of baskets was next to the entry so you grabbed one and walked into the vegetables area, which was colder than expected so you pulled your hoodie over your head.

In spotting lettuce it got placed into the basket, carrots were more expensive that you'd like but you put them into the basket as well. Walking down the cereal aisle you got cornflakes and in the refrigerator got milk.

After a while everything you needed was in the basket but deciding you wanted some snacks you walked to the aisle, a familiar person was already in the snack section, Peter.

Stopping where candy was you looked at the options, probably going to be there for a while considering the indecisive person you were.

Peter noticed you and smiled, "Hi,"

"Oh hi," you smiled back, you picked up a bag of maltesers, still wanting one other thing,

"Oh you're so right," he said before getting maltesers as well, you exhaled with your nose and smiled as a reply while still looking,

He then got some gummy snakes, "Hey do wanna hang out and eat candy?" He knew you'd most likely say no and was kinda scared for your reply, who asks a stranger to eat candy with them? He awkwardly smiles and awaits your answer.

You didn't really know what to do, in all honesty the urge to say yes was overtaking saying no, it would be so awkward though, you haven't hung out with anyone in so long.

"Yeah uh sure,"

He smiled happily, and you decided to just quickly grab some chips, you two walked down the aisle to the checkout together.

You were actually really excited to be hanging out with someone, he seemed really nice too, but you couldn't ignore your anxiety either.

You thought about asking to hang out at your apartment but felt stupid because who invites a stranger to hang out there?

It ended up being the park where you ate candy and talked, well talked as best you could, but you had to admit you really enjoyed it and was excited the whole time, always worrying about what to say or do, but he was really nice and it made you feel better.

You wondered whether you just made a friend.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

By the end of the day you piled the groceries on the bench and took your unfinished snacks to your bedroom, where sorren happily awaited you, your mum was out, so you played with him in the lounge.

Once you were tired out you decided to go to the roof again, only this time you weren't all that sad. Bringing your tote bag with the remaining chips and candy turned out to be a good idea, because spiderman was once again on the rooftop ten minutes after you got there.

The truth is he saw you and wanted to spend more time with you, he thought you were really cool.

"Well hello there," you smiled, "Hi,"

"Can I sit?"

"Mhm."

You seemed a lot more relaxed than last time. "Want any snacks?" You offered, "what have you got?"

You got the chips and maltesers, "God, I love maltesers,"

"Glad to be of service."

He lifted his mask just above his mouth, by now you were looking at the tall buildings around you, he pulled his mask back down.

"Thanks." You smiled a little in response,

"Wanna ask some random questions for fun?" You felt a little childish, but it's a good way to get to know someone.

"Sure, just as long as you don't try ask who I am," he bumps his shoulder into yours,

"Okay. I know this is the most basic question I could ask but it has to be done. What's your favourite colour?"

"Hm," he contemplates,

"Red."

"How did I guess?" He smiles under the mask, "you?"

"It's gotta be dark green, though I love so many more."

You cross your legs, "Favourite movie?" He asks.

This goes on for quite some time before he has to leave. You haven't felt this happy for quite a while, both Peter and Spiderman were so easy to like, you just worry if they actually like you.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Four months went by, Peter and you became quite good friends, you didn't see spiderman that often but most times when you were on the rooftop he would be there a while later.

Anxiety still was a problem wherever you went but Peter made you feel a lot better when he was around, you were supposed to go to his house after school for a movie night, your biggest worry of that is if he picks a terrible movie, you didn't mind star wars but the old ones were pretty boring.

Upon meeting his aunt May you realised she was really nice, and you wouldn't be lying if you said you had a tiny crush that you annoy Peter with on purpose all the time.

School was over and done with, now getting prepared to go to Peter's your alarm went off telling you it was five p.m,

"Gonna miss you" sorren gets a good belly rub before you go. "See you soon puppy."

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

You knock on the door and it opens almost instantly, Peter stands there with a grin on his face, "Hi"

"Hey," you walk in, "Hi May,"

She smiles, "Hi Y/n."

Peter drags you to the kitchen to make popcorn, you lean against the bench while waiting for the microwave,

"Wait, is that a new Lego set?" It was sitting on the table, "Yeah me and Ned built it yesterday."

You walk over to it, "Oh my gosh nice, you think you could stand building one with me?"

"Yes." Peter said a little too quickly and eagerly, making you laugh, the microwave beeped and he got the popcorn, putting it in a bowl and carrying it to the couch. You followed with the candy, putting it between you two on the couch.

"What movie have you got in mind?" You ask,

"I always choose them, you can tonight."

"Wait really? Hah nice."

You use the remote to look through disney+, "d'you want Pixar or Disney?" You question, but in your mind you've already made the decision.

"Pixar?" He looks to you, "good answer."

Ten minutes later you chose finding nemo, not having watched it in a long time you really enjoyed it, the popcorn was gone in the first twenty minutes. After eating half of the candy you both got comfortable, Peter was lying half back on the couch, his back in the corner of it, and you lay down on him slightly.

Sadly the movie ended, you didn't want to leave but even though you knew your relationship with your mum was terrible she would want you home very soon. Peter didn't want you to leave either,

"Hey d'you wanna stay the night? Like a sleepover?" He was hopeful, "thank you but I better go home,"

"Okay, well I'll see you tomorrow?"

"It's Saturday tomorrow Pete," his heart burst at the nickname and he struggled not to smile, "Oh right, uhm well would it be okay if I came over?"

"You know I'd love that but she'll be home all day."

"Okayy,"

You walk to pick up your bag, Peter quickly makes his way over to the door and gives you a hug before you leave. The feeling of happiness leaves you giddy, and so happy he's your friend.

May was in her room so you didn't say bye, but much to your disappointment you did to Peter,

"Bye I'll see you later okay?"

"Okay Bye." He smiled as you walked out the door.

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The day drifted away while you stayed in bed, you messaged Peter a little and watched a movie for a bit, but as the day dragged on into 5pm you grew to be really hungry.

Telling Peter of your starvation he was horrified, telling you to go eat, and you did. Peeling the blankets back and standing made you a bit lightheaded for a second.

In the kitchen pasta was boiling in a pot and you grated cheese, Sorren sitting right beside you, tail wagging and looking hopeful. Cheese melted and other ingredients added, the pasta was complete and put into a bowl.

The sun set while you sat at the table eating until you were very full, a blue and red suited superhero swung across some buildings as you chewed your last mouthful.

Sorren made a loud sigh curling up on his bed, you rinsed your bowl and put it into the dishwasher.

After doing nothing all day you were exhausted and collapsed on your bed, the thought of hanging out with Peter tomorrow excited you, a little rush of happiness and excitement made you smile.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Your shoe fought with you as you struggled to put it on, your beloved converse betrayed you like this almost every time. Tying them into a double knot you were ready to go, Sorren had gone with your mum to a dog park somewhere so he wasn't there desperate to go with you.

You took the elevator down the building, beginning your walk to meet Peter once you got to the bottom, a cool breeze felt nice at first until you got a little cold and started to have an earache.

Peter stood in front of a park bench, near the supermarket where you planned to buy food and go to the park again.

"Hey," he smiled widely once he saw you,

"Hi," you smiled back,

"Ready to go in?"

"Yeah." The two of you walked together,

"Peter I'm so tired," you drawled, "I've been walking for ages,"

He got behind you to push your back making you laugh, once you were outside the doors you stumbled to make him stop,

"Okay okay thank you."

The automatic doors opened, it was cooler inside, and also very busy, grabbing your phone from your back pocket the time said 12:04, you panicked a little, that was one of the busiest times you could be here, there were so many people.

Peter noticed your quiet panic and held your hand, the gesture made you feel better, the two of you walked to get snacks, hand in hand.

"Noo there are kids on the swings," you said once at the park, "Pete go push them off,"

"What? No way that's so mean!"

"I wasn't being serious." You mumbled,

"I know." He pushed his shoulder into yours, smiling.

You ate some of the food you bought and talked, the kids got off of the swings, and that didn't go unnoticed by you,

"Quick now's our chance!" You run towards the swings, Peter grabs the food and runs with you.

"Hey Pete, could you please push me?" You could swing yourself but it's fun when other people push you.

"How high?"

"Really high,"

You felt butterflies in your stomach as you went higher, you couldn't control your laughter, the butterflies got too much for you,

"Okay wait wait wait I wanna stop," you laugh but panic a little, once you slowed down Peter grabbed your waist until you stopped completely, and even though you weren't high in the air anymore you got butterflies again.

Peter then got on the other swing, looking at you expectantly, innocence on his face,

"You want me to push you, huh?"

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Another five months went by, you were sitting at the table with Peter and May eating Chinese at their house.

"It's like Sorren is obsessed with Peter or something," you laugh, Peter had finally come to your apartment and met him.

"He almost crushed me!"

"Exactly, he loves you."

May smiled and got up, collecting the rubbish to put into the bin,

"Alright my little munchkins I'm off to bed, gotta be in early, don't stay up too late."

You cringed at the word munchkins, she did it on purpose of course.

"Night Aunt May."

"Night May."

"Wanna maybe stay the night?" Peter's eyes glistened with hope,

"Of course I would,"

"Okay uhm I have some pyjamas you can use,"

"Cool i'll get changed," you smile standing up and messing with the top of his hair.

Once changed you collapsed onto his bed, you used to sleep on the spare mattress but now it's normal just to share the bed.

The two of you continued to talk until 12am, laughing quietly in the light from the lamp in his bedside table,

you could feel his gentle breath on your face, minty from brushing his teeth earlier. You heated up a little realising how close your faces were, you couldn't deny the crush you'd developed on your best friend though you tried to the best of your ability.

He noticed you'd quietened down, a very light redness on your cheeks, this made him go a little red now also realising your closeness. His eyes glanced towards your lips involuntarily, you did as well.

He leaned in slightly, lips ghosting over yours.

You leaned in ever so slightly, ending in a kiss, he exhaled through his nose.

An alarm broke the two of you apart with a jolt, the alarm was to let the both of you know it was time to sleep.

You cleared your throat as he turned it off, not knowing what to do you quickly said "uhm I'm just gonna go sleep on the couch,"

"Wait-"

"We'll talk in the morning!" You walked out with your pillow, there were already blankets on the couch.

Morning came, and your phone woke you, your mum was calling and in your sleepiness you still remembered you didn't ask for permission to stay the night.

You squint your eyes to see the time, 6:07am.

"Hello?" You croak out groggily,

"Where are you?"

"I stayed at Peters,"

She obviously wasn't that happy but only said,

"It's a school day, come home right now and get ready please."

She hung up,

Oh shit, it is a school day

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Peter woke up later, he got up rubbing his eyes and walked to the couch, you weren't there.

He checked his phone and saw you messaged saying sorry you had to leave.

You made your way to school as fast as possible, with only five minutes to spare.

By lunch you were pretty tired, you shut your locker and saw Peter down the hall slightly shutting his as well, when he noticed you he began walking towards you.

Remembering about last you were a little awkward,

"Hi," He smiled making you a little more at ease,

"Hey Parker,"

"Listen I know now's not the best time but I cannot focus, so can we please talk?"

"Alright mister." You smile,

Peter looks around, he takes your hand and leads you to a storage closet.

"Really?"

"What?"

"A storage closet?" You bite back smile,

"I thought it might be nice to have a little privacy, sorry it doesn't meet your standards." He teases,

"Listen about the uhm, kiss,"

Anxiety swirled in your stomach but you calmed down, it's Peter, it's fine.

"I'm so sorry I should have asked! Maybe you didn't even want to and I was dumb and stupid and-"

"Wait wait no it's okay I uhm, I wanted to I promise I just, I don't know I really like you and was scared you regretted it and-"

"You like me?" You looked up at him, he had love and adoration in his eyes,

"yeah," You shyly smiled,

"I love you so much," he whispered, your mouth fell open slightly

"oh my god did I really just say that out loud,"

"Yeah, you did Pete," you laughed

"Would it be okay to kiss you right now?"

"Hm, yeah that checks out with me."

He leaned in almost instantly, kissing you, and after a minute the bell rang,

You broke the kiss, "Gotta go,"

"Noo," he leaned back in, his lips moving slowly against yours, "stay in the dark and dingy closet with me." He mumbled against your mouth, and you continued for a minute.

"Excuse me, isn't it a bit weird to be making out with my best friend?"

"Hm, no, I think it's pretty good actually." He mumbled against your lips, the two of you didn't stop until you heard the second bell a good five minutes later, "Pete we've really got to go now,"

He rested his forehead against yours, eyes suddenly lighting up,

"You know, now that I think about it maybe it is a little weird to do this with your best friend,"

You looked at him,

"Would it be less weird if it was your boyfriend?"

"Hm, you might be onto something,"

"Hey y/n?"

"Yes Peter?"

"Do you maybe wanna go on a date?"

"Sounds pretty nice to me." You smile.

In class you feel giddy, you can't really believe what just happened, and neither can Peter, but he really did love you.

You met him as spiderman

And You fell in love with him as Peter

<3

[justamessedupdisneyprincess]

There’s so many Disney characters that could easily be neurodivergent, in fact so much so it’s pretty much 100% canon and confirmed. Lilo is a small autistic girl, it’s basically canon and I am dang certain the makers of the movie created her with autism in mind. When I was her age I acted JUST like her, so much that when I rewatched the movie as an insecure adult I felt a bit better about myself and I didn’t feel so alone. I even used to get into fist fights with other girls at school because they would call me “crazy” this is when I was her age roughly LOL. Also her obsession with Elvis is a special interest of hers clearly. A special interest is something that someone on the spectrum loves so much that it is pretty much almost the only thing they like to talk about with other people. It’s something they tend to focus on and even obsess with, something that is so much more than just being a fan. A special interest is something that is pretty much apart of that person. Like if an autistic person had a movie as a special interest they probably would’ve watched it hundreds of times, sometimes multiple times in the same day and they would want to drown themselves in the universe where the movie takes place, always thinking about it and talking about it with everyone and then getting excited over any merch for it. Like a super fan in a way. Her meltdowns are very much like an autistic person’s as well. People on the spectrum struggle to express their emotions, they may get offended easily as well or at least that is a trait some within the spectrum have and Lilo and I have. Like how we used to fight other kids for calling us names for instance, autistic kids especially struggle to express themselves vocally which could be why her and I started swinging instead of telling on them or calling them names in return. There is also a scene where the lady at the dog kennel was about to tell her how Stitch isn’t a real name and her sister made sure to warn her not to say that. This goes to show what an amazing sister Nani is as she knows her sister and what can make her upset. In this case Lilo would probably have thought that the lady at the kennel was insulting the name she chose or perhaps she would have thought she was saying she was bad at giving names. Miscommunication is very very common with people on the spectrum, sarcasm for example is a language we REALLY struggle to understand and at times we may look into things a bit too deeply. Hence why Nani told the lady not to say anything about the name because she knew her sister and what makes her happy and what makes her upset. And when Lilo was going to be taken away Nani even says how others won’t be able to understand her, a very common issue autistic kids have. Most adults have no idea how to care for autistic kids, they can’t tell the difference between a tantrum or an actual emotional meltdown. Lots of adults simply assume autistic kids are just being naughty and don’t take the time to try and get to know them and help them. For example I had to be homeschooled because I struggled with teachers for this reason. I could literally go on forever how Lilo is a canon autistic Disney character.

Others characters who may be neurodivergent I think are Vanellope and Ralph. Two characters who tend to stim quite a bit. Ralph is also socially awkward, sensitive and has trouble expressing his feelings and speaking with others, all common traits for autistic people. Though this isn’t really a neurodivergent thing but more a mental health/disorder/illness sort of thing I feel I should mention that it is canon Ralph suffers from separation anxiety as established in the sequel. Whether it’s an anxiety that he is born with (ehhh...part of his programming?) or if it’s trauma related because he struggled to make friends is unknown for certain. Some people are born with anxiety disorders and some people develop them after major events in their lives.

Ian and Barley from Onward are both neurodivergent but in different ways. It’s not called a “spectrum” for nothing, different autistic people posses different traits from the spectrum. For example some might get into much more intense hyperfixations and others might struggle to talk to people more so than others. Ian and Barley demonstrate this perfectly as Ian struggles to talk to people and tends to stumble over his words. Some can say he is simply shy but in the scene where he tries to speak to some of his classmates only to stutter does go just a bit more beyond just shyness. Social anxiety could be another thing as well though but overall, acting that way when speaking with strangers is very common for people on the spectrum. Having trouble expressing his feelings and speaking up for himself is another trait, like with the troll and how he couldn’t really bring himself to try and make a stand. In the scene when he first meets the Manticore is another great example as he struggled to try and tell her what was wrong and then began to panic and tear up, the way he was breathing heavily showed he was on the verge of having a panic attack as well. Anyone would probably feel upset in the situation he was in but he really did look like he was about to lose control and have a bad meltdown. The possibility of Barley being autistic comes from his very obvious special interests, quests or yore and just things about quests in general. He is always super eager to talk about it with Ian and is desperate to try and get him into it as well so he has a fellow fan to talk to about his favourite game. It’s easy to say it’s so much more than being a “fan”. He is obsessed and very passionate about it, clearly a special interest. Clumsiness is also very common among neurodivergent people, idk why but it is (I get that and haaaaaaaaaaate iitttttttttt uuugghhhh) It is also shown in some mobile games he is very close with Blazey, showing he is good with animals but then not so good with socialising with other people as his quirks can sometimes drive away those annoying judgemental types of folks *glares at the stupid goat police* People on the spectrum get along way better with animals and tend to be big animal lovers as well as he happily calls Blazey cute and tries to get her to do a few new tricks in Disney magic kingdom. He also tends to speak with his hands and make lots of body movements when talking, this could easily be seen as stimming as well. He is also a bit on the emotional side and struggles to talk about his feelings. Like when Ian tried to talk to him about the screw up thing, he was so angry he just turned up his music loud to try and block him out and didn’t seem to know what to do with himself or what to say to him. Anyone would be angry of course but Barley seemed to struggle communicating with Ian about it and seemed to have trouble expressing himself at first.

Might update the list some more later (there is so many tho) but let me know what you all think! What other characters do you see as neurodivergent and why? :3

These are mostly just personal headcanons of mine. As an autistic person I am so happy to see so many autistic coded characters in media.

[capricornwriter5]

OUR SEESAW - Chapter 17

Pairing: Min Yoongi x female OC

Genre: idol au, Suga X female OC, smut, fluff, angst, college romance, friends to lovers, exes to lovers, happy ending. ⚠️Warning: mentions of mental health affections, drugs, explicit sex

Words: 3k

➳ Prev. Chapter

Chapter 17 - Yet to Come

During the first seven days, Emmy and Yoongi received a lot of medical support, as those would be the most critical days. Although the girl suffered from nausea, headaches, sweating, and shivering caused by the drugs, she turned out to be extraordinarily strong against the craving to consume. Every time she felt that she wanted to quit because of how ill she felt, she thought about the type of life she wanted to achieve and moved on.

The few times Yoongi saw her seriously doubting, he would take her to the piano and help her think only about the music.

He also helped her with two other symptoms that, without Yoongi, would have cost her a lot: poor appetite and insomnia. Yet, when Yoongi's help truly became vital was after the detox. It was thanks to him that depression didn't sink its claws into Emmy, and it was also thanks to Yoongi that anxiety lost its grip. The boy never left her alone, never allowing there to be a moment during the day when Emmy could break down. They both knew that it would be a long process and that in the future there would be more difficult days than others, but at least those first few days, Yoongi carried that weight like no other person would have done.

Perhaps because of the same dedication and kindness that Yoongi put into it, Emmy made an effort to stay as calm as possible and not make Yoongi have to live a nightmare next to her. Of course, there were times when Emmy cried and even argued with him, but things never got out of hand.

In addition to having been consuming different drugs for so long, the girl's body did not take the detoxification so well and she needed almost the entire month of medication. Therefore, she fell far behind in her classes and the truth was that she had no motivation to resume her courses.

Yoongi, on the other hand, hadn't enrolled in that many classes; besides, they were very simple for him being the musical genius that he was, so he had no problem. Additionally to the situation with Emmy, Yoongi also had his mother's, and he needed to keep an eye on it. Added to that, his bosses on his radio weren't the most understanding people, not even taking into account that Yoongi was using his vacation, he wasn't asking them for any favors. This did not matter to them, and they ended up firing him. Fortunately, his job at the restaurant was not in danger, and he was able to continue composing music for some groups.

He tried to hide what had happened on the radio from Emmy so as not to worry her more, but the truth was that he was terrible at lying or hiding things, so Emmy found out the same day. Contrary to what she would have done at any other time in her life, Emmy didn't say anything to him, instead she quickly thought about how to help him.

They were preparing breakfast together when Emmy took advantage of her boyfriend being distracted, she told him that they would have visitors at night.

“Did you invite Hobi and Woosung?”

"No, I want you to meet someone." With that answer, Yoongi turned around waiting for more details. "It's a surprise, but you'll like it, I promise."

“Freckles, are you sure you want to have guests? You could barely sleep yesterday because of the dizziness."

"Baby, calm down." She responded by laughing and leaning in to kiss his forehead. "I feel okay, and I really want you to meet this man."

“Hmm… should I be worried? I've never seen you so excited for another man.” Yoongi's claim, accompanied by his crossed arms and his whiny tone made Emmy laugh.

"The only man you should worry about is Jin, he texts me ALL day to ask about you."

"Aren't you going to tell me who he is? Does he cook better than me? Is he more handsome than me?" The girl chose to ignore him and continue making breakfast, but when Yoongi activated his jealous mode, there was no way to make him stop. "Emmy!"

"I'm sorry, baby, I can't hear you."

"Are you seriously going to turn on the music while I'm talking?" He asked more than offended to see that the girl was already turning on the speakers. “Can you at least tell me if he's funnier than me? Okay, don't tell me anything, I'm going to go buy some carrots for breakfast."

“Are you going out wearing your pajamas? You're not even wearing a shirt and look at your hair!"

Looking at the shirt he was going to wear, Emmy couldn't help but hide a mischievous laugh. She wasn't going to tell him anything, but her boyfriend noticed her wicked smile and insisted that she tell him what was so funny.

“Do you remember that a few days ago I tried to do laundry? Well... that t-shirt was on my first failed attempt. I mixed it with my colored shirts and well… look at its back.”

"You gotta be kidding me... Freckles!" He exclaimed looking in the mirror and noticing a huge pink spot on the back of the t-shirt. “We studied for a whole week how to wash clothes, I even left you post-its next to the washing machine on how to do it. You don't listen to me because you think it's funny, right?"

"I don't listen to you because I prefer to see you, you're very cute."

"I'm leaving," He said, looking exactly like a bitter cat. "And I'm not just going to buy carrots, I'm going to bring more Post-its."

Of course, it was all a lie, Yoongi hated leaving her alone and if he had to do the shopping, they usually went together. They looked extremely adorable not only because they were always holding hands, but also because Yoongi didn't take his eyes off her, making sure she felt well and that she didn't need anything. He hadn't even made it to the door before he had already turned grumbling back to continue with breakfast.

He couldn't even imagine how his life would change with that night's visit.

*******

Finally, night came, at 7 o'clock someone knocked on the door and it was Emmy who opened it. Yoongi nearly fell off the couch when he saw who came in. He was an old man with a friendly smile that made him seem younger than he was. He was a well-known producer, his tremendous talent led him to work for renowned artists and even win several awards for his work. Yoongi knew that his girlfriend knew famous people, but not even in his wildest dream would he have expected to see him there.

That night, Emmy could not stop staring at his musician. He looked so excited talking to the producer that he looked like a little kid.

“I was a bit surprised that Emmy invited me to come today, not because of the invitation, but because she was especially insistent that if I came, I'd meet an exceptional musician.” Commented the producer.

"Oh! Well, I…”

"Come on Yoongs, don't be shy, you are very good," Emmy said making him laugh shyly.

“If you don't mind sharing your music with a stranger, you could send me some of what you've created. I recently ran out of an assistant and I need one. Also, if you are recommended by Emmy, I'm sure you'll do your job well.”

"Are you serious?" Yoongi asked.

"You couldn't have asked him at a better time, Yoongi just quit, I think he has some free time." Emmy winked at her boyfriend, letting him speechless, he had no idea she already knew about that.

"I'd love to! But right now… ”Yoongi immediately looked at her, not even with a proposal like that he would leave her alone; yet, his girlfriend did not let him speak; instead, she got closer and gave a peck on his cheek.

"It's a great opportunity. Don't doubt it."

Seeing the hesitation on Yoongi's face, the producer continued talking.

“I was living in Japan, in fact, I came to visit these days. I still need to go back and finish getting some things ready before I move back to Korea. Take some time to think about this, and if you decide to accept, we can start as soon as I'm here. In the meantime, you can send me a few things to know a little more about your style.” Yoongi couldn't believe that was happening and feeling the greatest of illusions, he accepted the offer.

With dinner almost over, Yoongi noticed how his girlfriend massaged her temple a couple of times and put aside the glasses she wore when she was at home. After that time living together, plus the one they had already known each other, Yoongi knew many of her gestures and that was a typical one of hers when the headache attacked her, especially during the last month.

Fortunately, the producer left and as soon as the couple was alone, Yoongi and Emmy were able to rest in the living room. After so much time together, they both already had their favorite place in those huge armchairs, and they used them so much that they already had their figures marked. Yoongi would always lean back on the arm of the chair with Emmy nestled snugly on his chest.

"How do you feel, dear?"

“It's just a tiny headache, it doesn't matter. What's very important is that you'll have a new job and in something that you are passionate about! You'll be one step closer to your dream.” Yoongi smiled for only a few moments because delicately, he made Emmy lie down in such a way that he could see her eyes.

"Again you did something for me that I've no way to thank you, freckles."

“Yoongs, you have nothing to thank me for. Besides, I didn't do much, I just introduced you to a friend.”

“I promise you that I won't miss this opportunity and I'll make you proud of me.”

"I already am." The answer came accompanied by a kiss on Yoongi's lips. But to the musician's surprise, he felt how his girlfriend pull a lock of his hair hard enough so that it did not go unnoticed. “That was for hiding from me that you'd been fired.”

"I can take it, I think I deserve it." Said Yoongi trying to assume a serious and honorable behavior, but he only managed to make her girlfriend laugh

“You have to promise me that when you are a famous producer, you'll always leave me a place where I can sit and watch you work for hours.”

“A place where I can also take breaks and nap with you? Sounds like an excellent idea. But what about you? What will happen to me when you become the best pianist of all?"

“Yoongs, you know that…”

“Don't tell me you're going to forget about me.”

Yoongi was about to make all the drama, but Emmy shut him up with a promise. “I promise you two things. The first is that you'll always have a seat in all my presentations, and the second is that I'll always leave a space next to me so that you can sit down and play with me whenever you want.”

“So no collaborations with other artists, I mean… no one else can sit in my place.” Yoongi said making Emmy laugh even more.

“There'll be collaborations! Now, someone taking your place... never. But since you're so jealous today, I think I'll put a condition on that space next to me. If you use it, you must kiss me."

"In front of the audience?" He asked widening his eyes. "I always knew you were a flasher…” He said crossing his arms and shaking his head negatively. "Okay, I accept it. But if you want to use that place that I will also save for you, from time to time you have to get up and hug me."

"Oh my god! Nobody would believe how spoiled you are! I love you!" Yoongi could barely breathe among so many kisses and hugs. "Of course I will, Yoongs, and I'll hug you even tighter if there's a girl near you."

The next day everything went normally. Yoongi and Emmy had shared hours together until the girl decided to play the piano while her boyfriend practiced on the guitar. At times they were both distracted because as much as they loved music and their instruments, when they realized who they had next to them they couldn't help but smile lovely at each other. Most of the time Emmy would go up to the musician and steal a kiss, eliciting adorable shy giggles from Yoongi.

However, with dinner almost ready, Yoongi put her guitar aside, and approaching quietly, he hugged his girlfriend from behind. Leaning forward a bit, Yoongi intertwined his fingers with Emmy's over the piano keys, and before the girl could say anything, he spoke in his raspy voice.

"Come with me, let's take a bath."

Without wasting a second, Emmy got up and went upstairs with Yoongi. She hadn't realized when he had filled the tub, much less did she know when he lit the candles, or when he brought up tangerines for both of them.

As soon as they entered the tub, Yoongi received his girlfriend in his arms, who snuggled up at the same time that she closed her eyes and felt Yoongi's hands spreading the foam over her thighs, abdomen, arms, and legs.

For a few moments, the musician did nothing more than caress the body of his girl.

Emmy had not been on her best days, either because of the medications or because of the anxiety of being in a period of total abstinence, her body sometimes suffered it. Yoongi knew better than anyone when she wasn't feeling well, when she was struggling to hold her own, and when she felt a little better.

For that same reason, during that month they had not had sex, and the girl's physical activity had considerably dropped. However, she was beginning to feel better and Yoongi was already seeing some changes.

“Yoongs, I miss making love to you. I'm sorry, I know it's very boring having to take care of me all day."

“Taking care of you is everything but boring. Actually, I love taking care of you, I want to do it forever." He responded wholeheartedly. “Besides, I'm not going anywhere, and I won't let you either. We have all the time to have sex. For now, let's focus on you being okay."

"Well... I felt pretty good today." She responded by turning a little to look at him and raising her eyebrows.

"That's great, my love."

"So…?"

"Don't look at me like that, you're not going to convince me."

"But Yoongs! Don't you miss me?"

"Freckles, are you serious?" He asked her with an indignant tone, and even more so when he saw that Emmy nodded in agreement. "Precious, I've been drooling over you since I met you, if you didn't see me as a total pervert, I could tell you everything I thought every night after our lessons."

"Well... If you insist that nothing happens today, you could tell me."

After a deep sigh that in the end sounded more like a moan, Yoongi closed his eyes for a moment and remembered those first piano lessons with Emmy at his house. As soon as he opened her eyes, Emmy noticed a leer and sinful smile.

"Yoongi, tell me! What did you think after our classes?"

“You have a curious way of looking at the sheet music. Even though they are close to you, you always lean forward and fold your arms together while reading. Such a spectacular sight.” He said biting his lip and getting dangerously close to his girlfriend until they both brushed against each other's lips. “I thought about how fucking your tits and coming all over them would feel. I thought about it many times, luckily I already know how it feels."

"How wrong I was when I thought you were a professional teacher who only thought of teaching me!"

"Oh! Very wrong, Emmy." He whispered, biting his lower lip, “I did think about teaching you, but about how to ride my cock all night. Yet, it turned out that you knew exactly how to do it, even better than I expected. Also, in the end, you certainly knew how to trap my cock inside your mouth. Because yes... I thought so too, every time you bit or licked your lips in front of me I thought so. And I knew you were doing it intentionally, you also wanted me to make you scream my name." Seducing her better than anyone, Yoongi caressed his girl's thigh and grinned as he felt her skin crawl under his touch.

“Do you know what else I thought every time you left my house?” He asked this time spreading kisses around Emmy's neck until he finally caught the girl's earlobe with his teeth. “How wet you had to come home every time you were alone with me. You touched yourself thinking of me, right?" He asked without moving away from her ear, and when he sensed her nodding, he smiled even more. “Hmm, how many nights without being able to sleep thinking about the sound of your fingers going in and out of your body thinking about me. But, precious, I assure you that was not what I thought about the most. Not even all the times I made a mess in my bed thinking about fucking you from behind and looking at your ass while I did it, or how much I wanted to see you on your knees can be compared to how hard I got thinking about eating you until I saw you shaking from so many orgasms. There was nothing I craved more than to use my tongue on you, to be able to taste you."

Yoongi chuckled as he took his girlfriend's chin to look at him and was able to see what he had done to her. Emmy couldn't even speak.

"What's up, dear? You asked me to tell you and believe me, I was a gentleman." He said without losing his smile before kissing her cheek.

“Yoongi…”

"You always get what you want, right?" Again, the boy closed his eyes and moaned deeply. However, this time he took the girl's hand and placed it on his crotch, letting her feel how hard he had got just from having that conversation.

"Yoongi, you can't just tell me all this and pretend nothing happens."

"Not until the doctor says you're okay, precious."

"But I'm fine!"

"You're aroused, that doesn't mean you're fully recovered." He said laughing.

"You're such a teaser, I hate you!"

"I love you freckles." He responded by stealing a kiss on her lips.

“Yoongi, I felt your boner! Are you telling me that you can just ignore it?"

"Oh no... there's no way I'm going to ignore it, believe me." He winked at her and leaned back in the tub, bringing his girlfriend with him.

"You said you'd do anything for me."

"I will" he replied without any doubt.

“I want to hear and see you when you touch yourself. Do it here, by my side."

Opening his eyes again, Yoongi raised his eyebrow and showed her one of those smirks that would kill anyone, especially since he sensually licked his lips.

“As you wish, my love, just come closer, I want to feel you.”

The guttural sounds that came out of the musician's mouth every time he stroked his cock in his hands were so addictive that she felt that her head and her whole body were going to explode from the need to hear more. Yoongi was being more vocal and expressive than usual that night. The handsome musician not only moaned in her ear, but he grinned at her every time he looked at her, he wanted to make it very clear that only she could provoke him that much. After a while, unable to resist anymore, Yoongi brought her closer, placing his hand behind his girlfriend's neck, and as soon as he began to kiss her, he looked for Emmy's hand under the water so that she could feel when he came, caused by the kiss.

Shaken, dying from the heat, but more than satisfied, the musician opened his eyes again and smiled at his girl, who was still in shock at how sensual it had been to have Yoongi touching himself next to her.

"I'm going to make it up to you. As soon as the doctor tells you you're fully recovered, ohh… freckles..." He said licking her neck. "I'll do to you everything I didn't dare to say today."

➳ Next Chapter: soon

[hymnofstars]

🜲       ⸻      ·   。…     [  rose williams  /  twenty-seven  /  cis woman  /  she/her  ]  in  the  conflict  between  lions  and  men,  arwyn  tully  begins  their  first  steps  up  the  ladder  in  the  game  of  thrones.  known  to  be  devoted  and  tender,  their  rumored  submissiveness  and  obsessive  tendencies  might  prove  to  be  their  unmaking.  the  court  bards  play  upon  themes  of  heads bowed in prayer by candlelight as words are whispered to the mother, crystals clutched so tightly in your hands the skin of your knuckles goes white, a river trickling gently over colorful rocks  when  composing  a  tune  for  them.  while  they  are  the  lady of riverrun,  it  is  said  that  their  loyalties�� lie  with  themselves  (aka neutral, aka the faith).  only  time  will  tell  if  the  tides  shift  favorably  for  them  or  if  the  climb  is  too  hazardous  for  even  the  most  sure - footed.

hi everyone ! i'm m / meredith. i'm twenty-three and from the est timezone, specifically in the united states, and more specifically in the wonderful state of new jersey, which i do bring up frequently. i'm a game of thrones abandoner planning on finally finishing the show in 2024 who has barely just begun to read asoiaf, but i am watching every episode of hotd with bated breath, so please bear with me as we go on a journey of expanding my knowledge together 🙏🙏🙏 so please, feel free to correct me at every and any turn

as for arwyn, i've included a read more below !

  extremely devout, and a bit zealous about following the faith. prays frequently to the seven, especially the mother, and is never without some form of seven pointed star in her jewelry, particarly necklaces. really enjoys singing hymns and has a nice voice, also has been known to carry crystals with her when she can.

similarly, she's not really excited about the idea of marriage, and has always harbored a curiosity about becoming a septa. but she also feels a strong sense of duty to her house. 

enjoys nature. also, a bit of a waterbug, puts the river in riverlands. she's a strong swimmer, really likes the rain. also has a soft spot for animals, and spent a lot of time walking around riverrun's godswood. 

can be in the bit of a stick in the mud. she has an anxious disposition and cares a lot about rule following and doing whats right, both in the sense of social graces, the faith, and her gut feelings. she has a strong moral code and won't easily be swayed to rid herself of it.

tw mental illness /  suffers from visions she believes to be sent to her by the god of seven. they in fact are not, but are religious delusions. often happy, but can very easily fall into deep fits of depression. she can definitely veer into paranoia with her anxiety, especially if coupled with a "vision" she believes to have been sent to her. she's smart, coherent and completely with it most of the time, but often gets extremely frazzled and scattered after seeing something. usually she copes with this via prayer. 

tw mental illness (cont.) / tends to keep her visions to herself, but often will confide in people the anxieties they cause her, offering them instead as her own ideas or more commonly, revelation through prayer. excuses any physical symptoms on headaches she has had since she was a girl.

generally kindhearted and friendly, though not someone without a spine. she has a stubborn streak, and while she could more be easily be manipulated and played by the game than many others, is not unintelligent. she is a quick reader, and has many prayers and hymns memorized.

has very repressed homosexual desires. very repressed.

a pacifist, and abhors the idea of war or any violence.

will often mumble to herself or speak under her breath. often gets lost in thought.

very easily embarrassed and flustered. doesn't do well with compliments, advances, flirting, anything. though generally friendly, can be a little shy when she's overwhelmed. capable of making conversation with just about anybody though, or at least she'll try to be polite. 

makes the most beautiful needlework in all of the riverlands, its true. her fingers are often pricked raw from needles and pulling on the string, and she can sit and do needlepoint for hours and hours while lost in thought. 

i'll continue to add to this as i plot and work out dynamics and everything, but hopefully this is enough info to get things going!! 

[imjustcoping]

21/10/22

i get the feeling my best friend doesn't believe in non binary.  A while ago she said that she didn't believe it was a a thing.  she literally called it a phase because she didn't know any adult that were non binary who used they/them in their pronouns.  Which i find silly because she is a pansexual girl who should understand the stigma that gay people faced and still face.  After years of being told that being gay isn't real and that its just a phase and she says that.  and she doesn't really view trans people as people- she says its because her dad is a doctor and he finds it really difficult to diagnose trans patients when he doenst know what they are.  Its so fucking stupid he could legit just ask if they were afab or amab but it should already be in their medical history.  i fucking hate it.  I also sent before and after picture of me wearing a binder and i was so happy.  In the GC T congratulated me and gave me a shit ton of affirmations and it made me feel so genuinely good.  but S just ignored it.  I know we are drifting apart and i know its my fault because this always happens.  after 5 years they go, they just disappear into the mist, a new school, new friends, or im too much

And last night i was doing an assignment on 2 separate books.  Aftter i finished the first one i went on tiktok and of course a bunch of relatable autism stuff starts coming up and a vid about the raads-r test comes up.  so i do teh test and  get high scores and i do a bunch more of those tests and keep getting high scores in them.. In my 3am haze i sent the quiz to my family gc because im almost positive that my dad has autism.  But he had a partially open discussion about it with me the next morning, to  be continued for when i wasnt late for school.  when i finally gathered up the courage to tell my bsf from before that day that i scored high in these autism tests and i was kind of excited to maybe understand why im like this, because ive been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.  ad autism can often be misdiagnosed for those two mental illnesses if you have been kind of traumatized as an autistic person. She told me that it probably isnt it.  She old me that sh doesn't trust those autism tests and that i shouldnt just self diagnose and that the depression and anxiety is whats making me think that.  It felt liek shit.  becsue tehre is a lot of evidence towards me being autistic, alongside the teste there s also a bunch of symptoms and there is a link between autism and asexuality(im asexual) where in a population of people there is about 1% asexuals but in the autistic populations they were far more likely to be asexual or feel disgusted toward sexual penetration.  

I know that i cant just self diagnose but im trying to figure out whats wrong with me and its not like im about to go around telling everyone im autistic becasue ive self diagnosed my depression and anxiety for years and have only told like three people, and even now that ive been diagnosed i haven't told anyone else.  Im not doing this because its trendy, the trend has just made me aware of how many autistic traits i carry around with me.  i was just finally happy that maybe im getting somewhere with figuring out my mental health.

I think im gonna tell my other friend from that group chat.  she is so supportive and has suspicions that she is autisic too. So im going to send her a message, with a forewarning.  I just want to talk to someone who is actually going to listen about what i have to say before throwing her opinion in.  And the pure confusion i have relation to my inability to express and know what emotions im feeling, she knows i have trouble with expressing my emotions and talking about how i feel but she doesnt seem to realise the impact on me

The dumb part about my friend telling me not to self diagnose is that she has been telling EVERYONE that she has ADHD for 2 years, she even told us in a group convo when she was accusing someone else of being a pick me for pretending to have adhd, someone pointed oout to my frined that she kind of mentioned having adhd a lot aswell and my friend tells everyone that her therapist diagnosed her.  she lied to us and Up until now she didnt say she didnt have adhd until shes trying to prove me wrong.  She basically said that she cant say she has adhd just because she gets easily distracted.  

I had fully supported her, when she claimed she had adhd, i believed her and did my won research, sending her videos which are supposed to help learning in a nuerotypical classroom easier.  and all she does is tell me that those tests arent reliable.  AT LEAST I ACTUALLY TOOK SOME TESTS INSTEAD OF PROPERLY SELF DIAGNOSING FOR YEARS AND BRAGGING ABOUT ADHD AND USING IT AS AN EXCUSE TO INTERRUPT AND IGNORE PEOPLE.AND T

[love-arah]

I’ve decided to start blogging again…

I’ve decided to start documenting again because that’s when I’ve always felt the most in-touch with myself. I don’t want to be overly, externally stimulated anymore. I want to be able to touch the grass of my world, I want to feel connected to my inner-self. The universe and galaxy within my soul. Also I want to be more at-peace with my past so that I can fully enjoy my present and look forward to my future. I want to be excited for it. I want to fully embrace my Late-Twenties because I’m never going to be as young as I will ever again today. A few things I want to talk about. I’m fully a hopeless romantic, I live in rose-tinted glasses and am somewhat always pensive and melancholic. It feels a bit like a contradiction but that’s also me. I’ve made way too many mistakes and I know things will never be perfect but I am blessed to be in a place where I’m becoming at peace with the tides of my life. All my downfalls and turmoils, all my pain and heartache - all the mountain-highs and rainbows, all the sparkly and magical moments. I’m learning to take life in strides and the beauty that comes from all of it.

So much of my identity is rooted in my beliefs. I’m a Born Again Christian and I believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, with that being the foundation, guide and compass of my life - it allows me to contemplate how I can be human in the 21st Century, leading with compassion and a strong sense of social justice and truth. I’m thankful for my community and support system to mentoring me when making a stance for the things I believe in.

One of my biggest weaknesses is that I’m easily distracted. This gets me in a lot of trouble. Aside from my anxiety, it’s something I struggle with deeply. It could be a much deeper issue related to mental illness, I’m sure. But for now, it’s a trait I’m learning to manage. It’s difficult when you have responsibilities and consequences you need to take responsibility of. For the longest time, I would avoid anything negative in my life. I realised this was counterproductive to any of my goals and beliefs. I had to make a change.

A few things to note: I’m constantly evolving and shifting. My sister has an entire Astrology Birth Chart of me and I feel like I’m always getting to know myself, I tend rely on research and conversation to solidify my fluidity. This gives me a sense of control because I feel like I have no control of myself and my life for the most part.

The most important people in my life that I will talk about: My family, my mom is the cutest person in the world, I take after her a lot, inevitably so. My dad, I have a lot of daddy issues, which I’m sure will come up more often than not. My oldest sister Hanna, she’s one of my best-friends, I adore her. My second oldest sister Hazel, someone who has always inspired me and I’ve aspired to be, she lives in Canada. My best-friend and soulmate Abby, she has my heart. My boyfriend Ryan, we’ve only been dating for about a month. Plus some of my other friends, Jireh, Jamie, Nico and Machu.

I don’t really intend on making bold statements as much as being as authentic and honest as possible. I want to be able to feel my feelings in full and heal from any wounds from the past and those yet to come.

A little bit about my mental health: My therapist’s name is Karen and I will go back and forth mentioning some things she may say, I haven’t found a decent psychiatrist yet and I’m currently on supplements alternative to medicine on a trial basis. Mainly, magnesium, ashwagandha and curcumin. But I have my manic episodes too and those are harder to discuss.

My boyfriend and I have discussed my “manic, pixie, dream-girl” moments and how my healing journey has lead me to become less manic, not without effort.

I struggle with compulsive lying and anxiety. Habits and self-defense mechanisms I’ve picked up since my childhood and am currently trying to shed some light on - easier said than done. This lead to severe insecurity and fear, things I’m still learning to heal from.

Some of the biggest determinations in my life are to find my purpose and dream-job, whatever that may be and to be able to move to a different country, particularly this one city in Canada called Calgary. I’ve always been an overwhelming perfectionist but I wonder what would happen but I didn’t try to focus on too many things all at once and have my all to more specific goals. Would that increase the odds of me achieving them?

I probably have a bigger bark than a bite, I also struggle with boredom and focus. I’m not exactly sure what causes those or how to fix them. They could be habitual or they could be a mental illness I have yet to be educated about. I don’t want to worry too much or overthink. I want to focus on things I can control and my immediate actions: “The Next Right Thing”: Prayer. I am a planner and organizer and I believe in life-long education. I sound so formal but it’s true.

Now onto my favourite bits. My interests: Literature, gaming, performing arts, beauty, fashion and skin-care, aesthetics, education, history and all things “soft-girl, princess, croquette”. My favourite colours are pink, white and I favour pastel colours. My favourite genres of music are musicals, “kawaii-vibes”, pop, k-pop, cabaret, rnb-soul and chill-rap/chill hip-hop. My favourite genres of literature are poetry, children’s literature, teen fiction, YA fiction, chick-lit, fantasy, romance, dystopian, supernatural, prose and short stories. My favourite genres of series and movies are pretty much the same except I’d like to add that I like anime and animated content, anything Disney-related, period flicks, cheesy rom-coms and musicals.

Hobbies: Reading, writing, singing, dancing, playing my ukelele and guitar, playing video-games, watching series and movies, analyzing them via creating PowerPoints, photography, videography, editing and a lot of other stereotypically feminine things.

A huge project I am currently undergoing at the moment is purging. I’m purging my social media, my digital and physical storages and dealing with all my untreated trauma via professional help, of course. There is no specific timeline to this because I don’t want to put any undue pressure on myself. I’m just taking things day by day. I can’t change the past but i can shape my present and future towards something I want it to be and that’s enough.

I have a lot of influences in my life I would rather show than list down (Something to look forward to!). I’m not exactly sure about the outlook of this new venture of mine but I know it’s going to be multi-media oriented and badly made (baby steps) content creation of sharing my life.

I am so giddy but I think I’ll stop for now. I never know how to end these things. But if there’s anyone out there, willing to read or stumbling upon or just curious about my life - I hope you find something you can relate to.

[nepenthendline]

A Characterisation/Writing Guide - Autism and ADHD

Hi everyone! This post is going to be a guide on how to accurately write characters with Autism and ADHD. I have been so many works where Autism and ADHD have been terribly written - using so many stereotypes and just nonsense that has nothing to do with neurodivergences, so I hope this helps educate writers and give them more confidence to write such characters.

For reference, I have Autism and ADHD, as well as many friends with either, therefore this information is coming directly from a neurodivergent.

This guide will be split into three parts: characterisation in both Autism and ADHD, Autism chracterisation and ADHD characterisation. This being because Autism and ADHD, while two different disorders, do have some overlaps. 

TERMS:

Neurodivergent - describes those differing in mental or neurological function from what is considered typical or normal

Neurotypical - describes those who are considered normal and do not differ in mental or neurological function

NOTE - Not everyone is the same. Everyone is different and will act and feel in different ways, this is simply an overview of how Autism and ADHD typically can be characterised

MUTUAL CHARACTERISATION OF AUTISM AND ADHD:

As mentioned before, both Autism and ADHD do have overlapping traits that can make them look similar at times, although it is important to remember they are two very different disorders. 

Autism and ADHD are NOT mental illnesses or learning disabilities. They are neurological disorders that people are born with, and cannot be treated or cured. Neurodivergents can learn techniques to help manage their difficulties, however. It is important to note that while these are not mental illnesses, it is very common for neurodivergents to have mental illnesses (particularly anxiety or depression) or struggle with learning as a result of their difficulties.

MASKING:

Masking is a technique that neurodivergents develop in order to act or speak in a way that is ‘socially acceptable’ or neurotypical by observing and replicating neurotypicals in different situations. This includes subjects such as not stimming/keeping still, not saying particular things, following social cues, speaking with specific tones at specific times and so on. 

Not every neurodivergent will mask but most do. Everyone does this to a different extent; some mask 24/7 to the point where you would barely be able to recognise any ‘abnormal’ traits, whereas others only mask in more serious or professional situations and let loose around friends or family. It is up to you as the writer to decide how your character will mask, however there tend to be some trends. For example, those with high-function Autism (especially girls) are much better maskers than low-functioning Autism (especially boys).

Masking is exhausting; it takes a lot of effort to, essentially, act as a completely different person for the entire day. This does not mean that neurodivergents are two-faced in any aspect however. Neurodivergents simply tweak their existing personalities to ‘fit in’ with the people or situation. 

Masking in writing:

It is quite difficult to write masking as the person is essentially just acting like ‘normal’. However, there are some things you can include that help demonstrate masking:

 Adapted stims* that are much smaller and undetectable than a person’s usual stims, such as fiddling with their fingers or edge of their sleeve, looking around often or slight movements such as swaying or playing with jewellery they are wearing 

 Speaking more or less than usual and with much more changes in their pitch and tone

Slight cracks in a character’s masking, such as stimming when others aren’t looking, not holding eye-contact when speaking, face or tone falling flat at points

*Stims will be explained in the next section

STIMMING:

Stimming refers to self-stimulating, repetitive behaviours that are done to often calm a person down when in stress, or to show high levels of emotion such as happiness. Both neurodivergents and neurotypicals stim, however there are some difference. 

The most common examples of stims are bouncing your leg when sitting in a chair, clicking your pen repeatedly or tapping on a table, which are things that most people have done at some point. The difference is that neurodivergents have a lot less control over their stims, and they tend to be much ‘bigger’, louder, distracting or harmful. It is also much more difficult for a neurodivergent to stop or ‘hold in’ their stims, causing more stress and agitation. Some people have small stims like fiddling with their hands, others have much bigger stims like waving their arms around, and some have harmful stims such as scratching or banging their head against a wall. 

Stimming in writing:

If you are ever asked to write about how a character would help someone else/a reader with their stimming, please never ever write about the character stopping the other person/reader. This is extremely harmful for the stimming character and projects a view that stimming is bad or ‘naughty’, and many people have faced trauma over being forced to stopped stimming as it is seen as disrespectful or distracting. Stimming is often one of the only ways neurodivergents can clearly express their emotions. If you stop a stim, the person will simply stim in another way. Instead, try these ways:

Stim toys that the character can use, these are often small and discrete, and can allow the character to stim without harmful, loud or large movements

Distracting the character with something else, possibly an activity, something to hold, or audio/visual distractions

Reassure the character that these stims are ok and they are safe to do around other characters

Take notice of the situation the character is in, why are they stimming? Are they anxious? Are they excited? It is better to prevent the situation in the case of stress rather than try and stop the person from stimming, and allow the character to stim when feeling happy

In romantic situations, allowing the character to stim with their partner shows high levels of trust and acceptance, and it is also comforting for the stimming character to often use aspects of their partner to stim, such as playing with their partner’s fingers or hair

Exercise is a great way of helping those who stim often to release pent up energy

Stimmers can trigger other stimmers, so if you have two stimmers in a room together, chances are they will stim together, getting louder and bigger than usual

SENSORY SENSITIVTY:

Both those with Autism and/or ADHD tend to struggle with sensory sensitivity. This describes how people are easily affected by sensory input (sight, sound, taste, touch and smell). Most cases of sensory sensitivity end in distress, fear, panic and overload, however there are some people who feel comforted by high levels of sensory input. When people deal with too much sensory input, they often go into a ‘meltdown’. This is different for everyone, but often includes irritability, panic, shutting themselves off from others, extreme stimming and a feeling of being severely overwhelmed. Some people cannot speak at all during these episodes. while others may shout or make noises. They are often mistaken for tantrums, bad behaviour or just being grumpy. Young people tend to have much more active meltdowns, such as shouting, stimming, running off etc, however older people (especially girls) then to be more quiet, shut off and unable to continue speaking or doing tasks. That being said, everyone is different and anyone can have a different meltdown. 

Sensory sensitivity in writing: 

The best way to describe sensory sensitivity in writing is relating it to pain or panic. Often those with low tolerance to sensory input describe loud noises, for example, as physical pain in their head, or certain materials as making them feel faint or nauseous. 

Sensory sensitivity relates to any sense, so some people may be terrified of certain noises, feel panicked by certain smells or feelings or feel sick/vomit from certain tastes - please understand the severity of this for some people

Neurodivergents often find techniques to help them with this, such as wearing noise cancelling headphones or playing music or audio to distract them

The best way to help someone during a meltdown is to help them out of the situation and leave them to decompress. This might include letting them sit in a dark room for a while, laying in silence or touching an item/smelling something that brings them comfort

Describing a meltdown for a character can often be similarly written like a panic attack, and often meltdowns can lead to panic attacks for some people, such as an increased heart rate, sweating, crying, hyperventilating/heavy breathing etc.

Struggling to write sensory overload? Try and think how you would feel if you had 30 different voices screaming at you at once, with bright lights and super itchy clothing. Really panicked, scared and overwhelmed right? 

Those who are sensitive to sensory input often hear/feel/smell/see things much louder/easier/more extreme than others, so while something may be quiet to one person, it seems really loud to another

HABITS AND COMPLUSIONS

Neurodivergences come with a lot of habits and compulsions, somewhat similar to traits of OCD. These are things such as having to have particular routines, having to carry certain items with them at all times (mine are my BTS water bottle and earphones lol). Without fulfilling these habits, compulsions and comfort items, a person can become extremely stressed, panicked and overloaded. 

Habits and compulsions in writing:

Writing these can go from very subtle to extreme, it could be that someone has to get ready in the morning in a particular order, eat their food in a certain way/order or follow a particular route to get somewhere

The odd thing is that neurodivergents are actually pretty bad at developing habits, a neurodivergent could do the same thing over and over every single day, but completely forget to do it one day and never do it again

When writing for characters, some characters may be able to mask their distress when their habits/compulsions are not fulfilled, however others can not do so at all, but either way this sends the character into feeling of panic and distress

A character may develop certain habits/compulsions for different reasons, it could be from experiences, completely random, comforting senses or familiarity and fear 

For example when walking into my nearest town I have to walk a very specific route on a specific side of the road or I freak out, this is because it’s what I’m used to and I struggle to deal with change

Speaking of change, a character can be written as anxious or irritated when plans are changed

SPECIAL INTERESTS/HYPER-FIXATIONS:

Probably my favourite topic - neurodivergents often develop special interests and hyper-fixations. These relate to specific subjects or activities that a person will learn about or engage in with extreme focus and dedication. Some common examples are trains and butterflies, where a person will learn and memorise  every type of train, or every type of butterfly to exist, and how different trains work or the life cycles of butterflies. This can be of any topic though, as a child my personal special interest was Ancient Egypt and I spent all of my free time learning about the history. As I’ve gotten older, this has changed and my hyper-fixations have been mostly BTS and Haikyuu (with some short ones in between). 

Special interests/hyper-fixations in writing:

Info-dumping! Characters with special interests can often be written with moments of info-dumping, where they will talk about their special interest for a long period of time to someone else. They are often very excited, talk quickly and possibly even seem a little frantic when trying to explain their interest - this is something they have little control over and tend to talk for too long or at inappropriate times 

Stereotypes are often written in special interests, particularly the example I gave about trains - not every neurodivergent likes trains, please be creative when thinking about what special interest your character may have, if they have one at all

A character may have one long-standing special interest that they’ve been learning about for many years, or they can flutter between multiple hyper-fixations in the span of a few days

Hyper-fiaxtions can affect a character in ways such as forgetting to eat or sleep, forgetting to do other commitments or becoming extremely upset, stressed or unmotivated when that interest is no longer doable (such as if a TV series ends)

Some characters may be embarrassed about their interests, whereas others will happily info-dump with no concerns 

FRIENDSHIPS AND RELATIONSHIPS

Both Autism and ADHD can cause difficulties in making and keeping friendships or relationships. This is often due to struggles in communication, forgetting to speak to people, getting bored of social interaction, getting overwhelmed and feeling too ‘different’ from everyone else. Some people, however, can make friends every easily, particularly more extroverted and confident types. Autistics in particular tend to have small groups of friends that they feel truly comfortable with, and may struggle to understand why a person needs other friends/ a large group. This can lead to feelings of ejectment or jealously. A neurodivergent will often struggle to know how a person feels about them without being directly told, and will need frequent reassurance that this feeling is continuous. 

AUTISM CHARACTERISATIONS

Talking too much or very little - about 40% of people with Autism are mute, meaning they cannot speak. Characters could also be selectively mute, meaning they can only speak in situations they are comfortable with, or certain people

Autism is a communication disorder, majorly affecting a person’s ability to communicate and understand socialisation. Here is how to characterise Autism:

NOTE - I have used functioning labels here as, personally, I prefer to use them and is more often used where I am from, however some people prefer not to, please keep this in mind

Speaking out of turn - this is either because they do not understand the social cue of waiting until someone else has finished to talk, or because they will forget what is on their mind if they don’t say it immediately

Taking jokes or words literally - this can cause character’s to become distressed when they do not understand a joke, or end up doing a task that was not meant to happen because they took a conversation literally. This also include having difficulty understanding figures of speech such as ‘it’s raining cats and dogs’

Having difficulty understanding the rules of social interactions - this covers a range of things, from struggling to know what to say when speaking to a cashier at a store, to not knowing what to say in certain situations. An example of this is if someone said ‘hi, my name is ....”, the social cue is to respond with ‘hello, it’s nice to meet you, my name is ...”, however those with Autism tend not to understand this and may reply with something else. In my experiences, I often panic and say ‘thank you’ instead, despite this not being the ‘correct’ reply

Expressing the wrong emotions - Autism makes it very difficult to understand emotions, either from others or expressing them yourself. While others immediately know a smile means someone is happy, this is not something that is easy to understand in Autism. An autistic person may laugh or smile during negative situations, or look upset or mad in happy situations as they are either unaware of how they are carrying their body language, or simply do not know what body language fits with what emotion

Difficulty understanding emotion of others - whether it be verbal or non-verbal, it can be very difficult for those with Autism to understand what others are feeling and can often jump to the wrong conclusions

Using the wrong tone of voice or having a ‘robotic’ tone - For the same reason as the last point, those with Autism tend to either sound robotic at times, or use the wrong tone in the wrong situations, such as sounding angry when they are not, however they are often unaware of this when it happens. This also means they tend to be more blunt and literal in their own speech

Not understanding hints - those with Autism often need to be spoken to very directly as they struggle to understand hints or ‘read between the lines’. This could be anywhere from not understanding hints of romantic feelings, to someone mentioning that the trash is getting too full (as a hint that it needs to be taken out)

Difficulty with focus and following lists - this is an overlap with ADHD however the reasoning is often different, autistic people are often perfectionists, so if you give them a list of things to remember, they will focus so hard on remembering the first thing correctly that they forget the rest. Difficulty to focus is often due to a lack of interest in the topic 

Attention to detail and ‘all or nothing’ - Autistic people are great at paying attention to small details and often focus on that more than the big picture. They are also very ‘all or nothing’ with how they delegate their focus, if they are interested in something they will put their entire energy and focus into it until its perfect, if they aren’t interested? They probably wont do it at all, this often means that some Autistic people struggle academically because they don’t feel interested in the topics, and therefore have no motivation to do the work

Great at following rules and instructions - despite being bad at lists, Autistic people tend to be good at following rules, this is because they are often black and white, literal and easy to understand, they like structure!

Increased skills and abilities - those with autism are often more creative and intelligent in a wide variety of skills that neurotypicals, in fact to be diagnosed with high-functioning autism, you must have a higher-than-average IQ. Unfortunately the stereotype is that Autistics are dumb or stupid - this is not the case at all

Boys vs girls - everyone is different, however boys and girls tend to act very differently. Boys tend to be more extroverted and loud and particularly struggle with understanding emotions or talking in turn. Girls tend to be more introverted, quiet and can mask much better, but struggle more when knowing if it is acceptable to speak

No empathy? - this is what people often relate to Autism, however this is inaccurate. People with Autism can and do feel empathy, however it tends to be slightly different. For example, if a neurotypical told another neurotypical about a bad situation they went through, the other person would often reply with ‘I’m sorry that happened to you, I hope you feel better soon”. A neurodivergent, however, would often reply like this, “something similar happened to me once.....”. This often comes across rude to neurotypicals, however it is much easier for a neurodivergent to relate the person’s feeling to their own experiences, and share comfort by letting the person know they are not alone

Difficulty with eye contact -  good body language often explains that eye contact is key, however this is extremely difficulty for neurodivergents 

Forgetfulness - to be honest I don’t know why this is, autistics are just really forgetful. You need to repeatedly tell them to do something or they wont do it

Planning - autistics often need and enjoy planning their schedule. They find comfort in knowing exactly when, where and how things are happening and with who 

Shyness and introverted? - many autistics will be shy, introverted and struggle with social anxiety, but this is not the case for everyone. A person can be autistic and be super confident, loud and extroverted - it is a stereotype that being autistic makes you shy and quiet

REMEMBER - AUTISM IS A SPECTRUM DISORDER MEANING PEOPLE CAN RANGE FROM MILD TO SEVERE TRAITS, NOT EVERYONE WILL HAVE EVERY SINGLE TRAIT

AUTISM STEREOTYPES:

Everyone likes trains

They are rude and blunt

They are stupid/unintelligent

They cannot understand rules

They cannot feel empathy

They are quiet and shy

They are disruptive 

AD(H)D CHARACTERISATION

ADHD is a condition that affects the focus and attention of a person. Here’s how to characterise someone with ADHD:

Not everyone is hyperactive - firstly, the ‘hyperactive’ part of ADHD doesn’t often mean physically hyperactive, but a person can have ADD where they do not show hyperactive traits

Difficulty focusing - this is much more than just not being able to focus, there are many reasons as to why this is, including getting distracted easily (by external sources or their own thoughts). finding it difficult to understand social interactions, feeling overwhelmed

Hyperfocusing - on the flip side, ADHD can cause people to hyperfocus on certain things, where it takes all their time and energy and they forget to do other things such as eat or sleep

Difficulty with eye contact -  good body language often explains that eye contact is key, however this is extremely difficulty for neurodivergents 

Speaking out of turn - this is either because they do not understand the social cue of waiting until someone else has finished to talk, or because they will forget what is on their mind if they don’t say it immediately

Difficulties controlling emotions and mood swings - this is often comes out in anger and frustration. This can be for various reasons: they are frustrated that they cannot focus like others, a lack of motivation, get easily stressed and insecurity

Restlessness - this is often seen as being always ‘on the go’, they need to be busy at all times doing different activities. In writing this can be shown as excessive talking, fidgeting, getting bored easily or taking risks

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria - this is an emotional response to rejection or criticism which often looks like insecurity and anxiety. This could be real rejection, or perceived rejection, for example someone saying they are too busy to hang out may trigger an emotional response of rejection, low mood and anxiety in someone with ADHD. This can also lead to anger or panic, and causes people to become ‘people pleasers’ or not try at all

Poor organisation - the opposite of Autism where those with ADHD struggle with planning, organising, misplacing items and keeping things tidy. It is difficult to understand priorities, separate relevant and irrelevant information and time management. Those with ADHD often begin tasks and do not finish them due to restlessness, distractions or feeling overwhelmed by the task

Difficulties starting tasks - ADHD can make it very difficult to begin tasks as they feel too overwhelming, difficult or take too much focus. Breaking down tasks into smaller sections can help this a lot

Forgetfullness - out of sight, out of mind is often the case with ADHD, and so things like post-it notes and reminders can help people remember things they need to do

Multiple thoughts at once - neurotypicals tend to only have one thought/idea in their head at a time, however those with ADHD often juggle multiple thoughts which can lead to distraction and frustration

‘All or nothing’ - Those with ADHD tend to be ‘all or nothing’ with how they delegate their focus, if they are interested in something they will put their entire energy and focus into it until its perfect, if they aren’t interested? They probably wont do it at all, this often means that those with ADHD may struggle academically because they don’t feel interested in the topics. Unlike Autism, they tend not to focus well with repetitive  tasks as this lacks simulation

Medication - unlike Autism, ADHD can be helped with stimulant medication that allows them to focus a bit better. This is not a cure as ADHD cannot be cured, however it can be beneficial to some to help manage their struggles

Acting without thinking and being impulsive - to find some stimulation, those with ADHD may act without thinking of their consequences, or can engage in risky behaviour as other avenues may seem boring, please note this is not the case for everyone, and these ‘risks’ may be very mild like trying a new flavour of ice cream. They can act impulsively too and struggle to wait their turn

Communication difficulties - while ADHD is not a communication disorder, it can have affects on communication such as talking out of turn, starting conversations at the wrong times, being insensitive to particular topics or getting too distracted to focus on the conversation

Need reminders to take care of themselves - due to a mix of hyperfocusing and not focusing well, those with ADHD may often forget to do things such as eat, drink, sleep or shower

Quite easy to get their attention - when someone with ADHD is daydreaming, getting distracted or not focusing, it can be as simple as giving them a tap or a smile to bring their attention back to the matter at hand, even if these needs to be done multiple times

Rewarding behaviour - this technique works well as rewarding good behaviour releases dopamine, which is the hormone often lacked in those with ADHD, this allows people to connect activities and behaviours with positive feelings and are more likely to do it again in the future

ADHD STEROTYPES:

ADHD is ‘diet’ Autism

Those with ADHD cannot sit still

They are disruptive

Everyone with ADHD is hyperactive, loud and extroverted

[blzzrdstryr]

Yanderes caring for a sick darling hcs - Mondstadt girls edition

Starring: Amber, Eula, Jean, Lisa, Rosaria

[Mondstadt boys edition]

[Liyue boys edition]

Amber

Despite the fact that she can be rather forgetful and disorganized at times, Amber will consider caring for you as a highest sort of reward and responsibility at the same time.

It’s thrilling to have you all weak and dependent on her, Amber’s darker side swells and blossoms at this sight - outrider will never admit it though, preferring to think of herself as a simple girl who fell head over heels, not some freak who derives pleasure from the control over one vulnerable person.

Moreover, she is a generally kind person finding helping others generally rewarding and satisfying, so tending is also a kind of duty, feeling responsible for your health and well-being. It just doesn’t sit right with her to keep you ill, even if it gives her an upper hand.

The outrider will be very eager to help you recover and get better, even if it means parting away from you. The doctor might prescribe some special herbs that grow only in Liyue or say Dragonspine, and Amber will take it with all seriousness, starting to pack all of the needed equipment the same day.

She will depart for her destination, unafraid of both harsh, boreal winds or the beasts of other land, her determination burning as bright and hot as her pyro-infused arrows.

When she returns, the travelling bag full of the needed herbs and plants, she will lunge at you caging you in a tight hug and peppering your face and neck with kisses, uncaring that she might get sick too - Amber missed you that much.

Then, she will turn into your personal caretaker - always attentive and sometimes stern, she will guide you on the path to recovery, insisting that you need to do everything to get better.

Amber will also be an especially good listener - being sick sucks, she knows it, she also knows that you have a lot of grievances given your situation and if providing a careful ear to all your complaints will ease even an inch of your suffering she will gladly do it.

Eula

The offspring of a widely hated, but also incredibly wealthy clan, Eula has always received all the medical help she needed as a child, be it a thin, shallow scratch and a couple of angry bruises after the sword training session or the seasonal cold she accidentally caught.

On the other hand, she never received any emotional support during those times - recovery is a hard process, both mentally and physically, and spending her days completely lonely and sick left a lasting impression on Eula. Lawrences shrugged off her complaints and pleas for some compassion, an understanding, gentle care - she is of noble blood, she needs to be above some bodily discomfort - no matter if she’s an ill, feverish eight year old in need of some comfort.

Subsequently, she knows how to treat most of the ailments, yet she is bad at providing emotional support. Deprived of love and care her whole life, Eula is clumsy and awkward at providing it for you - you need some direct words of reassurance, something that isn’t hidden by her usual vengeance-obsessed facade.

Eula will spend a considerable amount of mora on your medicine, it’s so big that her Spindrift captain salary might not fully cover - she doesn’t care as your health is her top priority.

Instead of words, she will show her support and care in deeds, cooking some light but savoury and fulfilling soups, as not to disturb your stomach and offering massage and her services.

Eula won’t let you do anything taxing during this time, taking the full brunt of your tasks and jokingly “threaten” you with a vengeance she will have if you dare to disobey her and do something hard.

All in all, she is a very awkward yet dedicated caretaker, becoming extra overprotective during your sickness.

Jean

Jean, to her dismay, can’t afford to spend much time with you with all of Mondstadt relying on her. Your dates are rare and short, yet she awaits them with a mix of excitement and anticipation, pushing herself further and further to complete more work, so nothing can possibly distract you two from your shared time.

She will get very upset once she sees you all red-eyed and coughing, immediately blaming herself for your declining health.

Prepare to be confined to your room and endlessly coddled, as Jean becomes a watchful, overprotective and stern shadow at your side.

She won’t stop working of course, preferring to take some documents with herself as she watches over you and your activities.

It will actually lead to her overworking again. You will have to beg her to take a break, both from caring for you and the Favonius business.

She will cave in, of course, assigning some of her duties to Kaeya and Lisa and asking Barbara to visit and check up on you, before taking a well-deserved day-off.

However, the anxiety of something going wrong will appear in Jean’s head on the first day, on the second one it will become so loud and haunting that she will break her promise to rest and come back both to you and unfinished papers, feeling ten times guiltier now.

Will oversee your recovery, while working. She will be so stressed out that she might catch sickness from you.

Now you will have to tend to her, a sudden turn that hard working yet incapable to work at the moment Jean will find a sudden pleasure in.

Lisa

Lisa is the best graduate of Sumeru academy for the last two centuries, so it’s no wonder that she quickly notices and identifies your sickness.

Despite the initial urge to heal you up, she will stumble, deciding to fully use this opportunity to her advantage.

The Librarian's mind contains multiple recipes of potions that can easily cure most of the illnesses, yours included, it also has a lot of knowledge of weak poisons - substances that don’t kill, but can worsen one’s ailments.

You won’t know better, accepting the potion that is said to quickly fix you up. The substance brings a quick relief - both sneezing and fear disappear, as your cough lightens.

It quickly changes however, as after three or for days of quick and obvious improvements, symptoms crush you with a renewed force. You don’t know the reason for it, yet you never blame Lisa or her potion.

Lisa will teasingly chide you for overworking yourself into the relapse, as she slips a tiniest bit of the poison into your treatment, so you stay weak and needy and so deliciously dependent on her.

This game however will soon bore Lisa - having you vulnerable around you is cute and good, yet caring for you takes both time and effort and Lisa likes you more when you’re more independent.

You will never learn why you had such an awful sickness, but you will be grateful to the witch, thanking her for all the medicine she provided you with.

Rosaria

During her time with bandits, Rosaria has never received proper care - everytime she got sick others would just laugh at her and force her to work, deaf and blind to her distress and suffering.

This habit, an attitude that was forced by others onto her, is still present to this day - the extravagant nun is less than interested in her own health, preferring to ignore the signs of the sickness - she can work with that, she always did.

Seeing you on the other hand all sick and weak emerges something in her - it just doesn’t sit right with her.

Rosaria knows that you won’t die - she had it worse and she’s fine, but the nagging feeling doesn’t disappear. A low level anxiety for your health will be a great nuisance in her eyes, as she continuously loses her sleep over several nights.

It all will end with the nun begrudgingly starting to care for you. Rosaria always thought that doing anything for others is bothersome and tiring, yet now cooking a light chicken soup and checking your temperature she can’t help but feel like something missing returns to her. Maybe she was meant to look after you.

She will never admit it though, unused to having anyone of importance in her life, so you will be stuck with an intimidating nun wordlessly spoon feeding you soups and medicine.

One of the nun’s duties is to tend to the sick, and so disciples are trained in basic medicine. Rosaria thinks about attending at least those lessons.

[lover-of-skellies]

Marked

So uhh, this isn’t off the prompt list thing and literally no one asked for it, but I decided to go back and edit a super old thing I wrote. It’s supposed to be part of something a lot bigger, but for now, the whole thing’s been discontinued

Essentially, this is an OC insert kinda thing with my girl Adrienne. She’s been trapped in Horrortale for a little while, and since Sans decided to be merciful, she’s been allowed to live in a spare room in his and Pap’s house. She has free roam of the house and can do pretty much whatever the hell she wants (as long as it doesn’t involve getting into the pantry and digging into their reserves), and in exchange for all of that and being allowed to live, he and Papyrus have some super basic rules they expect her to follow

Rule number 1 is that she is to be helpful, and try to maintain the house while they’re away. Rule number two is that she’s not to leave the house without covering her face and hands. Rule number three is that she’s never to leave the house alone, without one or both of them nearby

Out of boredom and hunger, she leaves the house one day, following the smell of food. This doesn’t seem like it’d be anything huge, but it’s a major no-no, and it doesn’t go unpunished

Papyrus is also surprisingly good at giving advice, too. He might not have much experience with dating, but he knows exactly what he's talking about

If you make it to the end, I have to give you kudos because this is a complete cringe-fest ^^"

((Gonna add some potential trigger warnings for: angst, slight violence, and public humiliation))

Pain.

Searing pain.

The once blue-nette had been exploring the town, much to her guardians’ displeasure. She’d known it wasn’t a good idea, and for what reasons, she was well aware, but she had to do something. Staying holed away in the house every moment of every day was a completely new level of boring, one that she hadn’t even known existed. Her guardian had made it very clear that she was to never leave the house unless he or his brother were to accompany her, but today… well. His brother was away, probably at the capital getting physically and verbally abused by their queen, and he himself? She wasn’t sure what he did while he was away, but she’d learned not to ask too many questions. The first few times she tried asking, he’d been quick to change the subject or dodge her questions entirely, or he’d simply laugh and make a joke which he deemed hilarious when in reality, it wasn’t. Once he got tired of her asking, his humor quickly dissipated and was replaced by anger. He didn’t even have to look at her for her to know he was upset; all it took was a few short, clipped responses, and how she could practically hear him frown when he spoke. That’s beside the point though.

At the moment, she was suspended in mid air by her throat, her legs flailing as she began clawing at her assailant’s arm, her teeth bared as she struggled to free herself. The slightly withered fire monster shrugged off her attempts to attack him as if they were nothing at all; even though his strength had been diminished and was now only half of what it used to be, he was still far tougher than she could ever hope to be. Having smelled food, she made the mistake of slipping into the bar he owned, her hood tugged as far over her face as possible. She had glanced around the establishment, taken note of the other monsters nearby, and made another mental note of where all the exits were, should she need to run. After very cautiously crossing the bar and taking a seat at the old, worn counter, the flamesman had wordlessly poured a glass of water. He nudged it in her direction, and she’d eagerly accepted it, being mindful of how much of her face was concealed as she sipped the cold beverage.

For a moment, she was relaxed, and she nearly forgot the very real danger she was in. She was snapped out of her brief feeling of serenity as the Grillby fully shifted his attention to her. He made a soft, questioning sound, and she kept her head low, speaking just barely loud enough for him to hear, “What’re ya serving, Grillby?” He grunted, well prepared to offer her a short, yet simple answer, but was cut off by another monster who seated himself beside the girl, “I don’t think I’ve seen you around these parts before, friend… where are you from?” The teen lowered her gaze to the countertop, catching a glimpse of what looked to be faded blue fur. She didn’t know what monster could possibly want to talk to her, but she remained as calm and casual as possible in hope of not drawing any more attention to herself, “The ruins.”

With their interest now fully piqued, the monster beside her hummed incredulously, “The ruins, huh?... I take it you’ve met our former queen then. Toriel.” Upon hearing the familiar goat monster’s name, the teen saw images flicker in her mind; memories of her time in the ruins before she managed to escape. How Toriel had guided her through all the traps and puzzles that laid in waiting. How she held her close and allowed her to sob into her shoulder. How she’d convinced Adrienne to go back to her house, where there’d be a warm bed, food, and all the love and care she could ever want. Toriel had baked a cinnamon and butterscotch pie, very excited to share it with her, but not long after the teen had eaten a small slice, she’d felt her stomach turn. Her world went black, and when she awoke, she was tucked into a bed in a dimly lit room, which looked as though it had once belonged to a child. She felt incredibly ill and had almost no strength, and she could barely stand without feeling light headed. To her surprise, however, her willing ally, Flowey, had made a surprise return. Adrienne had seen Toriel had burn him alive, so she didn’t understand how he was even still alive.

Flowey had been through this exact same situation too many times to count, as it turned out, and he’d revealed Toriel’s true intentions: make the teen weak enough to require constant care and attention, and make her stay in the ruins forever. Or at the very least, until she died. Taking advantage of a distraction provided by Flowey, she’d waited for the goat monster to disappear to another part of the house. She’d then made her way to the kitchen and began to search around the floorboards. According to Flowey, there was a panel that could be removed, and underneath it, she’d find the remedy she needed to regain her health. She’d found the vial and downed it without question, only to look up and see the crazed goat monster staring at her from the doorway. The look on her face was one that still occasionally haunted Adrienne's dreams, and she’d been trying to go as long as possible without thinking about it. It appeared as though she’d be getting no such luck today, though.

Clearing her throat and trying to force down her growing anxiety, she nodded, keeping her head down, “Yeah, I have. I’ve met her.” The blue furred stranger watched her with an unnerving amount of intensity and she fought the urge to squirm and lean away from them. As they spoke again, their voice held a curious edge, “Huh. I can only imagine how that went.” Nodding silently, the teen returned to her glass of water, more than ready for the stranger to go away. She knew what would happen if she was discovered, and she wanted no part of that whatsoever.

The monster leaned closer to her and sniffed the air, letting out a pleased sigh before mumbling, “Friend… you don’t exactly smell like one of us. Monsters have their own natural and unique scents... But you, however,” A fuzzy paw-like hand seized her arm with a vice-like grip, and the stranger's voice shifted from a mumble to what was more like a hiss, “you smell like you belong on the grill.” Adrienne began attempting to yank her arm back out of the monster’s grasp and they laughed, simply using their free hand to tug her hood down, revealing her identity to Grillby and the other bar patrons that surrounded them. Her faded grey eyes widened in fear as the monsters began to shout at the flamesman, excitedly demanding that he cook her for them. Despite how the teen shook her head in protest, the mass of living fire moved closer to her, rapidly snatching her up by the throat. She was lifted off of the ground, and he ignored her pained screams as the heat from his hand began to scorch the skin of her neck.

With adrenaline now coursing through her veins, she let out a string of expletives and pulled both of her legs up until her knees touched her chest. The flamesman took a single step toward his kitchen, and then froze as both of her deceptively weak legs shot toward him, delivering a sharp kick to the space just below his chest. She didn’t expect her little stunt to actually work, but to her pleasant surprise, he’d released his grip on her out of shock, gingerly touching the now injured part of himself. Adrienne dropped to the floor and quickly regained her balance, paying no attention to the few monsters who rushed to Grillby’s side. She proceeded to climb over the counter and sprint toward the door, the footsteps behind her a clear indicator that she was being pursued now. Not that she could blame them for any though; food was insanely hard to come by, so if you had a chance to eat but the food got up and ran, wouldn’t you go after it too?

Reaching out with a clawed hand, some unseen monster snagged a fistful of her hair and harshly pulled, causing her to yelp and almost tumble to the floor. She glanced around, surveying her surroundings and checking the exits again. Part of what looked to be a dog’s muzzle could be seen in her peripheral vision and she winced, struggling to free herself from the creature's grip. She only received an amused cackle from the monster in question, followed by him instructing some of the others to grab her and haul her back to the kitchen for Grillby. Looking around again and seeing them approaching her, she stuffed her hand into one of her pockets and fished around, searching through the various items inside for a moment before revealing a pocket knife. Unsure of what she might do, some of the monsters around her stepped back, but the one still pulling her hair only growled. Though she felt the hair on the back of her neck raise at the sound, she lifted an arm and made one single, fluid slicing motion with her hand, the blade of the pocket knife slicing through her hair. While she hated having to cut her hair and knew it’d take forever to grow back, she bared her teeth at the large dog monster, her lips curling into a smug grin as she noticed the look of surprise on his face.

Taking advantage of the moment, she darted to the nearest door, fully prepared to run out into the freezing streets and make a mad dash back to her protector’s house. Freedom and safety were so close and within her reach now, but as she whipped the door open and scrambled to get outside, she slammed face first into yet another monster. Letting out a frustrated and startled screech, she began trying to squeeze past them. They simply chuckled, wrapping an arm around her nearly size-zero waist and pulling her flush against themselves. Hearing the chuckle, realization dawned on her; this was her protector. She would be safe now.

She stole a glance up at his face and his scarlet iris flickered briefly down to her, his amused grin shifting into a taut line. Oh, she knew that expression all too well by now.

From that look alone, she knew someone would be hurt today.

Though his arm was almost uncomfortably tight around her, she said nothing, only turning her body slightly and burying her face in the front of his heavily blood stained shirt. The teen whimpered, wordlessly admitting just how scared she really was at the moment. He shifted his focus entirely to the other monsters that were now staring at both of them, and sensing their gaze, the teen whined faintly, her guardian lightly squeezing her in an effort to reassure her.

Thoroughly confused as to why she wasn’t dead yet, someone called out to her protector, “Perfect timing, Sans. Now how about you kill her so we can all eat already?” The skeleton’s normally rough voice held a bitter edge and he practically growled, “She ain’t free game, pal. I’m sorry ta say it, but I won’t be hackin’ this one ta bits for ya.” A crowd was beginning to form now and Adrienne tried to press as close to her friend as she could, wishing everyone would hurry up and leave. She already hated crowds on their own, and knowing that this particular crowd all wanted to see her get roasted alive didn’t exactly make her feel any better. Clearly taken aback, the same monster that’d addressed Sans spoke up again, “Oh really? And why’s that? You never helped the humans that fell before her, so what makes her so special?”

Curiosity piqued, she glanced up at the skeleton again, though he didn’t return the gaze. He just continued staring the other monster down, his iris nearly glowing now from the extent of his agitation, “Because she’s mine. Ya hear me? This little slab a’ meat belongs ta me.” A tiny burst of heat rushed to her face upon hearing his response; was he really claiming her right now? Claiming that she was his, and using his power over the others to coerce them into sparing her? Unbelievable.

Another monster decided to interject, countering Sans’ statement with, “Then how come you haven’t marked her yet?”

Oh boy. Of course someone would ask. Why wouldn’t they? She had no idea what she was expecting, but it clearly wasn’t that. With an annoyed huff, the skeleton spun her around, making sure everyone could see her face as he fired back with another sharp retort, “Heh, funny you should ask. I was on my way home with the intention of doin’ just that, but I guess we won’t have the privacy now. Oh well. All you fuckwits better be watchin’, because I’m only gonna do this once.”

Wait, he was going to mark her? Here? In front of everyone?

Face burning with embarrassment, she dropped her gaze to the floor, letting out a soft squeak as he grabbed the collar of her shirt and jacket and pulled them aside to reveal her shoulder. Not bothering to give any indication of what he was about to do, a faintly glowing blue tongue snaked out of his maw and traced over a very specific patch of her skin. The feeling of his tongue - which consisted solely of highly concentrated magic - on her skin was like nothing she’d experienced before. There was some warmth to it that was followed by a tingle, which was likely caused by the magic itself, and another involuntary whimper slipped past her lips. Her face grew hotter at hearing herself make that sound again, which to her horror, Sans had also heard. It earned a soft chuckle from him and his mandible shifted into a pleased grin.

And then he sunk his teeth into her shoulder.

It happened so fast that she didn’t even have time to register what happened, but at the lack of the expected pain, she unconsciously fidgeted. Wasn’t this supposed to hurt?... What was preventing her from being in pain right now? She felt his tongue trace over her skin again, accompanied by more tingling and… numbness? Had he intentionally numbed her shoulder before biting her?

Seeing that he had been true to his word and had in fact marked her, the other monsters quickly grew bored, the vast majority of them also visibly disappointed as they returned to their prior activities. A sense of relief washed over her and she sighed, stealing a quick glance at her friend as he slowly released her. His tongue lingered behind momentarily and lapped up the blood that seeped from the injury, and his voice took a husky tone as he purred, “Ya taste good, kiddo. I think I could get used ta this.” Her already flushed face became a much brighter shade of red than before and she scoffed, refusing to look at him, “Don’t count on it, mister.” “Awe, c’mon Addy. Help me out here… it’s not my fault that ya taste as good as ya look.” Growling softly, Adrienne scrunched her face up into a look of annoyance in hopes of masking her embarrassment as she rolled her eyes, “Pervert.” “No idea what you’re talkin’ about.” “Uh huh, right. I definitely believe that.” He lightly jabbed her side with the tip of a phalange and she squirmed, yelping in surprise. She tried to twist her small frame away from him and he laughed softly, “Whatever. How about we ditch this place and head home now? This bar is no place for a little lady like ya.” Looking back at him over her shoulder, she flicked her tongue at him.

They’d left the bar and began to walk home in uncomfortable silence. The moment they made it back to his house and he’d set her down, she found herself being roughly shoved against the closed front door with one of his large hands catching her wrists and pinning them above her head. Her eyes widened in shock and she squirmed, “H-Hey, what the hell are you-” Meeting her gaze, the look he wore was enough to silence her, his completely dilated red iris both captivating and terrifying her all at once.

Then he spoke, his gruff voice low, “You disobeyed me, Adrienne.”

Forcing her voice out and reaching nothing louder than a whisper, she frowned, “I… I know I did. I’m really sorry, Sans. I won’t do it again, I swear.” “Do you have any idea what would’ve happened if I didn’t get ta you in time?” “Yes, I do! Really!” “If you knew the risks, then why’d you do it?” Feeling much smaller than before as he continued staring her down, Adrienne sheepishly looked away from him, “There’s just.... Not a lot to do here when you and Paps are gone, and I was bored. I did a bunch of cleaning and reorganizing, and I even tried to fix the TV. I dug through the hallway closet and looked through the games, but do you have any idea how hard it is to actually play a game by yourself and have fun at the same time?”

With his free hand, the skeleton cupped his face, letting a deep sigh, “You risked your life… you risked dying, because you were bored? Am I hearin’ that right?” Feeling guilty, she slowly nodded, choosing to keep her mouth shut this time. Catching her completely by surprise, what sounded like a giggle could be heard, and though it took a moment to fully register, she had a realization that made her blood run cold; the giggle came from Sans.

Nervously lifting her gaze again to look up at him, the only thing that began to pulse within her was regret. Regret that she’d disobeyed him, regret that she went against his wishes, regret that she’d upset him so badly, regret that she even opened her mouth at all to speak to him, and most of all, regret that she’d decided to look at him.

He leaned back the smallest bit, one hand still firmly pinning her wrists above her head. Her eyes widened in complete terror as his giggling began to escalate, growing louder and louder until he was roaring with laughter as blue tinted tears pricked at the rims of his sockets. Not bothering to wipe away the tears, he placed his free hand on his face. His open palm rested on his cheek as he curled his fingers, the first two settling inside his empty socket; judging by the slight movement his arm made, he’d begun lightly tugging on the rim of it. That was never a good sign. Yes, she loved it when he relaxed enough to laugh with her from time to time, but this display right now? This was the stuff of nightmares.

Then almost as quickly as it’d started, his laughter came to an abrupt halt and his wide grin vanished, leaving only a resentful scowl behind in its place. As his focus shifted back to the teen, her heart began to race. She honestly had no idea what he planned to do now. He then began to slowly tighten his grip on her wrists, a soft growl rumbling from within his chest. Paying no attention to the grimace of pain she wore as his phalanges began digging into her skin, he leaned down, the space between them reduced to almost nothing as he hissed, “You’re an idiot. Get out of my goddamn sight, human.” Adrienne opened her mouth to force an apology out but was quickly cut off, crying out in surprise and pain as the skeleton dug his phalanges even further into her wrists and began to break skin. Rolling his single eye light, he scoffed, stepping back and suddenly yanking her to the side, releasing his grip on her wrists in time to make her small body become airborne. With the sound of something cracking and collapsing beneath her, she knew she’d landed at least partially on the coffee table.

Despite the pain that shot through her with even the smallest movement, the cold stare she was receiving from the skeleton was enough to make get back up, her head hung low as her eyes began to water up. Not wanting to show him this weaker, more vulnerable side of herself, she darted up the stairs, her feet padding across the slightly creaky wooden floor for only a brief moment. She then took refuge in the upstairs bathroom, slamming the door shut behind herself and flipping the latch, locking out the world. Trying to force down the very minute amount of guilt that began to bubble up within him, Sans let out an annoyed huff and glanced at the now completely busted coffee table. He was going to have a hell of a time explaining that to Papyrus later.

~~~

What seemed like a century had passed before the youngest of the two skeletons finally returned home, the sight of the smashed coffee table still lying on the floor enough to induce a sense of dread within him. Normally when he came home, his elder brother would greet him, or at the very least, be lazing about on the couch and offer him a half hearted wave that was usually followed by some sort of pun or terrible joke.

But no. Nothing. Sans was nowhere in sight, and neither was Adrienne. This only made Papyrus’ concern grow; he hoped beyond all hope that his brother hadn’t done anything to her.

The tall skeleton let out a soft sigh and crossed the living room. The exhaustion from the long day began to set in as he ascended the stairs, eager to take a shower and change into something more comfortable. He loved his battle body immensely, but sometimes his sore, tired bones made the item feel as though it weighed a thousand pounds. He wished he could simply change his clothes and climb into bed so he could go to sleep, but life wasn’t that simple for him; before he was allowed to relax, he needed to shower and make dinner for his brother and Adrienne, then the teen was to help him clean up the dishes once the three of them had finished eating. After all that, he was to take Adrienne to the backyard to test prototypes for new puzzles and traps. She was kind enough to help him make sure they worked correctly, so he was always vigilant, always watching to make sure she was never injured on any of them. Aside from being a puzzle and trap tester, his rather small human friend also delighted in helping him think of new puzzles, and she even designed some of her own. She seemed to enjoy partaking in games of pretend when they messed around with the action figures he’d collected over the years, and when Sans wasn’t around or flat out refused to do it, she didn’t mind reading to him before he fell asleep each night, either. They’d grown very close, and he cared for her almost as much as he cared for Sans. It was for all those reasons why he promised to protect her; he had to protect her. He’d become used to her presence and had grown to appreciate their friendship very much, and having her as his friend helped fill the void in his soul that was once occupied by the queen herself. He still considered Undyne a close friend, but the way she spoke and treated him now was… Execrable.

As he twisted the knob and nudged his bedroom door open, the scent of blood hit his nasal cavity and he felt his body tense. Gently pushing the door shut behind his massive frame once he’d crossed the threshold, he made his way to his desk and flicked on the small lamp that resided on its far left corner, the light illuminating his multitude of action figures and an old map.

The faint sound of movement caught Papyrus’ attention and he looked down toward the source, almost unable to believe what he was seeing; the human was in his bed, lying on her side and wrapped in his old blankets. An open first aid kit sat on the floor next to the bed, and cloth bandages were wrapped loosely around her slender neck. Her hair, which was once nearly long enough to reach her lower back, was now much shorter; it looked as though it was cut hastily by some sort of blade. While her arms were mostly concealed by the blankets, he could see that her wrists had also been wrapped in bandages, a familiar crimson threatening to seep through the material. As she shifted again in her slumber, her shirt began to slip down her shoulder and revealed another large bandage, more crimson staining the fabric. His brow bones furrowed as he took note of how the crimson staining it formed a half circle… as if the injury was because of a bite.

In his consternation, Papyrus reached out, a single gloved hand settling on her uninjured shoulder. He leaned down, his spine already aching from the awkward angle as he lowered his voice and did his best not to startle her, “Human?... Adrienne? Please, I Need You To Wake Up. Come On Human, Please.” As she slowly began to stir, he fought the urge to scoop her up into his arms and shelter her from whatever had left her in her current condition.

As her eyes fluttered open and she took notice of the skeleton towering over her, all traces of exhaustion vanished and her eyes widened, a sound of surprise slipping past her lips. In her momentary panic, she’d sat up and tried to move away from him, her chest heaving as she drew in one deep breath after another. Papyrus gently shushed her, offering her a weak, apologetic smile, “Hey, Hey, It’s Alright. It’s Just Me, Adrienne. I Didn’t Mean To Startle You, I Swear. I’m So Sorry For Scaring You.”

Registering who was with her, the teen released a deep sigh of relief. She gave Papyrus no time to prepare himself before she practically threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around whatever she could reach before clinging to his battle body. Though he was visibly caught off guard, he delicately encircled her with his arms, one hand finding her uninjured shoulder again before he lightly squeezed, his voice laced with concern, “Adrienne?... What’s Wrong? What Happened To You?”

The only response he received from the girl in his arms was a muffled sob and he frowned, moving his hand from her shoulder to her face. He used his index finger to tilt her head back, allowing him to see her tear stained face, and as her bottom lip twitched and another tear rolled down her cheek, he frowned; normally she was such a strong, upbeat person. To see her this way was heartbreaking.

The skeleton lowered his voice even further, reducing it to a whisper, “Adrienne, Please… Tell Me What Happened. I Want To Help You.” Her lip twitched again and she sniffled, reaching up to wipe her tears away with her sleeve, “I just… Papy… I just wanted to go outside... I just wanted some fresh air… I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Still frowning, Papyrus gently ran his fingers through her hair and tilted his head, his voice remaining low, “What Do You Mean?... Did Sans Do This To You?” Upon hearing the name of the older skeleton brother, Adrienne tightened her grip on Papyrus, her voice beginning to waver as more tears rolled down her face, gathering at her jaw and dripping down onto her shirt, “Papy… I was so stupid. I made him mad at me. I upset Sans.”

Papyrus’ frown deepened; he knew how his brother could be whenever he had one of his episodes, and never in a million years would he wish for anyone to become the recipient of Sans' delirium. The skeleton sighed as he gently stroked the teen’s hair, “It’ll Be Ok, I Promise. You May Stay Here Tonight If You’d Like, And I’ll Be Sure To Speak With Him About This. Do You Think You Could Tell Me Everything, Though? I Can’t Be Of Any Help To You If I Don’t Know All The Details.” With a heavy heart, she slowly nodded and looked up, meeting his gaze, “I… I went outside today... by myself. I went into town, and I went to Grillby’s. It smelled like food in there, and I was so hungry… I thought I’d find something to eat. I kept myself as covered as possible, but I was caught and got grabbed by Grillby,” she paused, visibly ashamed as she gestured to her neck, “…I got burned.”

The skeleton made a soft sound in understanding and nodded, silently asking her to continue, which she did, “Someone else grabbed my hair and I had to cut it to get away from them. Then when I opened the door and went to run outside, I ran face first into Sans. He told everyone there not to mess with me, that I wasn’t free game because I belonged to him. Then he marked me. Right there, with everyone watching. He was a little flirty afterward and he seemed happy enough, so I thought everything was ok, but when we got here, he… he had an episode.”

Papyrus didn’t know what to make of everything he’d just been told; on one hand, she suffered numerous injuries and nearly died, and on the other hand, she was marked by Sans.

Normally whenever a monster marked someone, it meant that they saw that person as their mate and that they wanted to claim them as their own. That they loved that person with every fiber of their body and soul. Being marked also served as a way to protect someone from other monsters, but there had been cases of a mark not being enough to guarantee the safety of a monster's mate.

Being marked was not only a big deal, but it was also something that every self respecting monster knew should be done in private. The fact that Sans marked her in the first place was absolutely astounding, but the fact that he had the absolute nerve to take something that was meant to be special, shared between mates and no one else, and turned it into some obscene gesture that he performed in front of a crowd, undoubtedly humiliating Adrienne in the process… It was unacceptable.

He needed to speak to Sans, and he needed to do it now.

Releasing a deep sigh, Papyrus lifted a hand to idly rub the back of his neck, “I See… I Cannot Apologize Enough On My Brother’s Behalf. I’ll See If I Can Get Anything Out Of Him That Would Explain Why He’d Behave This Way. Hopefully… Hopefully He Doesn’t Clam Up, Like He Seems To Always End Up Doing. Will You Be Alright Here While I’m Away? I Don’t Want To Leave You Alone If You’re Still Feeling A Little Too Overwhelmed And Freaked Out By Everything.” The teen sniffled, absentmindedly wiping her face with her sleeve again as she nodded, “Uh huh… I think so.” Catching the slight uncertainty in her voice, he offered her a reassuring smile, “I’ll Try To Be Back As Soon As Possible, Alright? How About You Pick Out Some Puzzles For Us To Work On When I Return? A Few Good Puzzles Always Help Me Feel Better Whenever I’m A Bit Rattled, So I’m Confident They’ll Do The Same For You, Too!” Adrienne couldn’t help the small smile that curled her lips upward at how eager he was to help her, and she nodded again, “Ok, Pap… that sounds good to me. When you get back, do you think maybe you could help me fix my bandages a little? Some of them are still too loose and I dunno if I missed any little spots anywhere.” Perking up at the request, Papyrus beamed, gently unwrapping his arms from around her and ruffling her hair, “Yes, Of Course! The Great Papyrus Would Be Happy To Assist You, Adrienne!” Letting go of the skeleton, Adrienne smiled up at him; he was such a sweet guy, and despite their circumstances, he was always so optimistic. He still maintained a sense of morality as well, unlike the other monsters. She honestly wasn’t sure what she’d do without him at times.

Reluctantly parting from his small human friend, Papyrus slipped out of the room, carefully closing the door behind himself. Once he was gone, Adrienne sighed, climbing out of his bed and making her way over to a shelf. As she looked over the various boxes and puzzle books, she came to the conclusion that it probably didn’t matter which one she chose; as long as it’d keep her and that goofball busy for a while, it was good enough for her. As she reached out to grab a thick puzzle book, she winced. Her free hand moved to gingerly touch the bandage on her shoulder; at the twinge of pain, her mind drifted to Sans. After earlier, she should’ve learned her lesson and given up on disobeying the very specific rules that her friends had established. She was a curious being by nature though, and she’d be damned if she had to go on without receiving any answers.

Her curiosity and desire to know why Sans would mark her grew even stronger. She grabbed the puzzle book and dropped it on Papyrus’ bed, before peeking out of the room and glancing around the hall. Against her better judgement, she began to search for the pair of brothers. The most logical place Sans would be at this time of night would be in his room, or downstairs on the living room sofa. If those two places weren’t it, then she’d have to check the basement. No biggie. As she tiptoed down the empty hallway, she briefly paused to look over the railing and down into the living room, and found that Sans was nowhere in sight. On her way toward the stairs, she caught the sound of a mumbled conversation through Sans’ closed bedroom door and froze; she knew better than to go into his room without knocking, so she opted to stay in the hall and eavesdrop, rather than barge in on whatever he and Papyrus were talking about at the moment.

Inside the closed off room, Sans rolled his eye light, trying his best to brush off the lecture he was receiving from his younger brother. It’s not like he did anything to Papyrus personally, so he didn’t understand why Pap thought he needed to get involved. Not in the slightest. Completely exasperated with Sans’ stubbornness, Papyrus pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a deep sigh, “Sans, Honestly. You Didn’t Have To Take It That Far. The Poor Girl’s Probably Traumatized And Too Ashamed To Ever Want To Leave The House Again.” Sans grunted, flopping down onto his back on his old, worn mattress, “Remind me how that’s a bad thing again, Pap. So far, I’m not seein’ any problems with it.” The taller of the two inhaled deeply, briefly closing his sockets as he tried to gather his thoughts, “Sans… Brother. I Love You, But What You Did Today Wasn’t Ok. I Don’t Understand Why You’re So Calm And Casual About It.” Gaining a very clearly agitated edge, Sans practically growled, “It’s really fuckin’ simple. If she’s too ashamed ta leave the house, then good! At least she’ll stay put then and save me a lot a’ trouble in the future.”

Not even remotely threatened by his older brother’s tone of voice, Papyrus snapped, suddenly shouting, “LANGUAGE, SANS. MAYBE SHE DIDN’T LISTEN TO YOU, BUT THAT’S NO REASON TO TREAT HER THIS WAY. IT IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT A VALID REASON TO GO AND PUBLICLY HUMILIATE HER, THEN COME HOME AND SCARE HER HALF TO DEATH, EITHER. YOU ALSO BROKE THE COFFEE TABLE, SANS. SOME OF US HAVE TO PAY FOR THINGS LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW!”

From her spot in the hallway, Adrienne flinched, her eyes widening. Not once had she ever seen Papyrus so upset that he shouted like this. This was a whole new experience, and she could already say that it was both surprising and terrifying all at once.

The shorter of the two let out an exaggerated groan, beginning to absentmindedly tap the tips of his phalanges on the bed as he stared up at the ceiling, “As far as the table goes, I’ll replace the damn thing if it really means that much ta you. What am I supposed ta do about the kid though? If I really scared her as much as you’re sayin’ I did, then she won’t want anythin’ ta do with me. It’s not like I can just walk up to her and go, ‘hey, you know that day when I got mad at you? I’m sorry and I won’t do it again.’” Papyrus hummed, crossing his arms over his chest, “Well… A Sincere Apology Is Only Half Of What I Think You Owe Her.” “Yeah? And what’s the other half?” “To Be Completely Blunt About It, She Knows What It Means To Be Marked.”

The older skeleton brother nearly choked on air, his cheekbones dusting a soft shade of blue, “What the hell?… Ok, then… What about it? Everyone probably knows what it means.” “What I’m Saying Is That She Knows Monsters Wouldn’t Mark Anyone Unless That Person Was Tremendously Important To Them, And Unless They Saw Them As Their Mate. Not Only Is There That, But She Told Me That You Were Somewhat Flirtatious Toward Her After The Incident Today At Grillby’s. You’re Sending Some Incredibly Mixed Signals, Sans. She More Than Likely Was Under The Impression That You Have Some Very Strong Feelings For Her, But Then You Came Home And Basically Told Her To Get Lost Before Throwing Her At The Coffee Table. She Has No Idea Where She Stands Right Now. The Other Half Of What You Need To Do Is Be Honest With Her. Tell Her If You Feel Something For Her, Or Tell Her If You Don’t. Just Make It Clear To Her So She Knows What She Is To You.”

Bolting upright into a sitting position, Sans stared up at his younger brother in disbelief, “So you’re suggestin’ that I go confess my love ta her or somethin’? Is that what you’re tryna tell me right now, Papyrus?” “If You Love Her, Then Yes, That Is Exactly What I’m Trying To Tell You.” Pressing his index and middle finger to one of his temples, the older of the two narrowed his sockets, grumbling under his breath, “Ya gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me… this is so stupid…” Taking a seat on the edge of the bed beside Sans, Papyrus arched a brow bone and tilted his head, “Language, Brother… All Of This Might Seem Stupid To You, Maybe, But It’s A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Addressed. If You Really See Her As Your Mate, She Needs To Know. And Hey, It’s Alright To Feel Embarrassed About This Sort Of Thing. It’s Completely Natural. For Starters, Maybe You Could Try To Help Me Better Understand Your Reasons For Marking Her? I’m All Ears! In A... Manner Of Speaking.”

Sans snuck an uncertain glance up at him and let out a deep sigh, leaning forward to cover both eyes with his hands, “...Don’t make me talk about this right now, Pap. Please. I can’t do it. I just can’t, what if I-” Papyrus was quick to wrap his arms around his older brother, lightly squeezing his shoulder, “Sans, No. Stop. You’re Overthinking Again. Take A Deep Breath And Try To Relax. It’s Just Me Here, And If You Preferred That I Don’t Tell Her What You Say, Then I Won’t. You Have My Word. Just Trust Me… That’s All I’m Asking Of You Right Now. Please, Just Trust Me.”

[ravenadottir]

What do you think Kassam’s route would have been like if he had been one of the og boys, and how would his character have developed

my guy, i think i had a braingasm the moment i saw this ask! this is such a cool galaxy brain question, i can’t even...

‘cause i think so much about the possibility of kassam as an og, it’s actually ridiculous!! but in order to put him on day 1, i would have to put one of the boys in casa amor, and i’m choosing gary. that’s because lottie is gonna take interest in kassam right away. let me organize these thoughts in order of happenings in the villa...

♪ when mc steps outside, he’s lowkey interested, but he keeps his hands behind his back, only giving her a nod, accompanied by a smirk, when she says hi.

♪ “if any of you fancy me, please step forward.” kassam would be discreetly stepping forward, shooting her a neutral look, since he doesn’t want to come across as desperate, but a wink is also happening.

♪ “why did you step forward, kassam?” “i think we’re gonna hit it off, and you seem like a real sound girl.” bobby would say something like “ha! get it, because he’s a dj!” and laugh, but the prickly boy wouldn’t even look at him, focusing on mc.

♪ if mc chose to couple up with him, he would stand by her side, whispering his conversation, slightly analyzing the other boys.

♪ when lottie struts out, not gonna lie, he’s gonna think she’s attractive, but maybe a little intimidating. i do believe if she stole him (which i very much want to do here, since it’s an o.g kassam route), he’ll be standing next to her, but glancing at mc’s direction.

♪ the truth or dare challenge would probably be the opportunity to send him the picture, but if mc decided to kiss her partner i think that would “scare” kassam a bit. just because i don’t think he’s into p.d.a.

♪ he would have a lot of trouble relating/talking to anyone, because he automatically hates rocco, and for sure has some issues with how much rocco and bobby talk. which leads me to believe he would be closer to noah and ibrahim. (IT’S SO FREAKY TO THINK ABOUT THAT!!).

♪ priya is still gonna steal mc’s partner, which is not a big deal because she’s more interested in kassam than anyone else.

♪ kassam having more time in the villa means he’s also gonna open up to mc, eventually, and i think that’s what i wanted the most in casa amor. something to make us understand why he’s been closed up and extremely on edge at all times, like having the ear tick, the nerves, the quietness, if there’s anything to be talked about, mc would be person he would go to.

♪ music is probably what helps him relax, and right now he’s deprived of that, in every instance, so if the game wanted me to pay gems to bang some pots and do the glasses’ rim trick with him, i would a hundred percent be paying for that!

♪ bobby being musical himself would definitely blossom a connection between them. something that would make him a little fonder of cake boy. “i was wrong to judge you so fast, i guess.” and this could’ve been the “rap gang” throwback to season 1, having kassam doing beats, bobby doing the harmony, probably ibrahim rapping nonsense along with mc, and getting weird lines out of it! i would pay gems every time, i don’t care how much that would cost!

♪ as the recoupling approaches, kassam says he wants to couple up with us, but because bobby and he weren’t so close, the pastry chef has no idea of the dj’s intentions, proceeding to pick us.

♪ bobby’s choice forces kassam to choose between marisol and hannah, and going for the law student would be the obvious pick. but so much more awkward than gary’s was, because kassam wouldn’t try to hide the fact that he’s into someone else.

♪ marisol and kassam would be a friendship couple from the get go, because they have nothing in common, and that would probably make marisol realize her attraction towards rocco earlier.

♪ i do believe kassam would’ve been a cheeky sort, not the type that gary is, but definitely sneaking around to steal a kiss or two. “i don’t know what’s happening to me. i wouldn’t usually do this...” he smiles, almost not noticing it. “... but i feel close to you... it’s weird...”

“wow, kassam, thanks...”

“no, no i don’t mean like that... i’m just not used to it. you’re not the weird part of all this.”

“and what is?”

“me...” he proceeds to laugh uncomfortably.

♪ twitter bingo would have a fact about him, possibly a secret kiss, but it’s not revealed who he had it with.

♪ mr. love island. his “swimsuit” portion would be similar to lucas’, flexing his arms once he gets out of the pool, direct advice from noah, rahim and bobby. his talent would definitely include music in, possibly doing those beatbox tricks with two or three layers of sound... maybe even the low bass voice, which it’s honestly... SO FUCKING HOT. it would be a tough competition. between ibrahim doing the rubik’s cube trick shirtless, and kassam doing this... i don’t think noah or bobby would stand a chance!

♪ roccosol is still happening, and kassam is baffled by how much lottie is lying through her teeth, and shouting about the matter, since she was already talking to him behind rocco’s back. remember the welcome party for lucas and henrik? which would also mean kassam doesn’t take much heat from food/drinks, and that’s funny to me, for some reason!

♪ i do think instead of rahim, kassam would’ve been voted as “least dateable/leaving the show with a girlfriend. not endangered like lucas/henrik/rocco, but definitely voted. mc having the opportunity of the firepit conversation would end up in a kiss, and the angst is just taken on a new level!

♪ the date with him, before the recoupling on day 9, would be the chance we have to get to know him better, maybe having him tell us an embarrassing story about a gig he had. and if it was an ex’s story, even better! we don’t have that from him.

♪ hideaway scene, after the girls’ choice, would have him slightly less confident than he usually is. “i’m really excited to be here with you, i just don’t know exactly what to do.”

“i mean, if you don’t know, i don’t think i can get a biology book here.”

he would probably chuck a pillow in your direction and laugh at your joke. “i’m just nervous, i guess... i’m not used to feeling nervous around girls.”

♪ now! here’s the tricky part of the whole villa plotline in his route. operation nope. if mc went with it, he would end things, loudly and clearly, because he cannot stand betrayal, much less coming from the girl he spent so many days chasing. and he would probably advise MC to tell hope about it before it happened. kassam should be the type that breaks up with you and don’t want you back, later. i would definitely program him to act like that!

♪ drama to him is pointless, especially if it involves other people. he doesn’t see why people are being so out there about things, and definitely doesn’t understand why his girl has to be the one to solve everything. “i understand they’re upset but it’s not your job to fix it.”

♪ chelsea coming in, along with jakub, would irritate him to the extreme. the bomb she drops about him and lottie would have everyone riled up. YES, I WANT KASSAM TO KISS LOTTIE. they were coupled up before and he thinks she’s hot, besides the fact he was insecure about mc being picked by bobby. similar plot line to gary’s, except he might say something like “i had to know if there was anything there.” i really want him to explain himself here, but with short words: “we were coupled up just an hour before the recoupling. i wanted to make sure there was nothing there.”

“and...?” mc asks, staring at him.

he glances at lottie, shrugging. “there isn’t.”

♪ as revenge, mc would go on the date with jakub, resulting in kassam being apprehensive when it comes to talk about his feelings to her. and very angry and jealous, because that’s just who he is!

♪ the news about the recoupling arrive the night priya and hope are having that big fight, and yes, the bathroom scene happens with kassam, but he’s one of the boys that say the line “i want this to mean something to you”.

♪ disaster recoupling gets you both angry, and kassam would, for the first time, raise his voice, questioning jakub and the boy who steals mc. no, he wouldn’t be like the others and only question jakub or no one. at that point, everything is working against him, and just two days after mc finds out about the secret kiss, this is throwing him into a spiral of stress.

♪ casa amor gets everyone pissed off, and everything stays the same, except you get gary instead of kassam, and he’s interested in lottie and mc. (maybe the unicorn route wouldn’t happen). but casa days would’ve been way more interesting because now marisol and lottie are interested in the same guy! and in some cases, mc as well lol NOW, THAT WOULD’VE MADE CASA INTERESTING!

♪ cheeky the way gary is, he’s probably trying to stick with one girl by suggesting a kiss, sharing the bed and etc, but if mc is not interested in him, lottie would probably be torn about bringing him back or not, and marisol would get confused between gary and graham, proceeding to focus on fish boy, later.

♪ coming back from casa amor, kassam is single, and you get bean bags conversation, only with him he says how anxious he was for mc to come back. “i’m just... really glad you’re here. i...” he stammers a bit. “i missed you.”

“did you miss lottie too?” mc would raise her brows, slightly irritated.

“no, of course not! i missed...” realizing she’s being prickly, just like him, he continues. “har, har... very funny.”

“i didn’t think it was funny finding out you kissed her.”

“i wouldn’t think that either... i’m sorry i didn’t tell you.”

♪ the route is pretty much the same from there, except for a couple of moments:

one: the conversation we have with gary, by the pool, is held by kassam, and he talks about anxiety, and how that affected his relationships in the past. he didn’t know how much he missed out because he was too afraid of taking the leap, and he’s glad he’s in a better place now. also, talking about therapy and mental illness in the same tone gary did, with body issues.

two: he would make a comment of how excited he is to write songs about mc, and how much he has been thinking of his journey and the album he’s gonna dedicate to his time there.

♪ asking mc to be his girlfriend would go a little differently, since he’s not the blob of characterization he normally becomes in the game.

♪ he would continue to be prickly, and sarcastic, but his journey would’ve taught him how to trust people more, and the improbable friendships he developed there would go to show just how much he’s opening up, and how it can only get better from there.

♪ his speech, at the prom, would include his friends, mentioning them as the support system he had in there, just like one of the girls do with mc. “my journey wouldn’t have been the same if it wasn’t for you lads. and despite the bad advice i got, i guess everything worked out in the end.”

i really think kassam deserved a spot in the og’s line up, mostly because of how different he is from the other boys. he would probably have a brief friendship with lucas if the physiotherapist stayed, too.

hope this is what you were looking for. thank you so much for this ask!

[bean-pronounced-bawn]

I'm glad you said it first, I honestly do think my upset about not being fat and it being hard to gain is on par with my classic gender dysphoria (including the frustration about voice exercises not working). Getting bigger ties into me feeling more physically masculine so at this point I do see it as an extension of my overall dysphoria. I don't talk about it because I'm worried other trans people would react badly to the comparison somehow but it's just the truth

Exactly this! Before I knew I was trans (i.e. when I was a child) I would always act exaggeratedly masculine when I was around boys so they would see me as one of them instead of as a girl. One of the major ways I'd do that was to try to make myself "bigger" - like stand up taller, spread out, displays of strength, etc etc (I was v athletic until I was like 16, and I didn't really realize I wanted to be fat myself until around then, so my definition of "big" at the time was more around muscle than fat). When I finally accepted that I just wasn't a masculine person, my definition of appearing manly shifted more to fat than muscle (which, there's probably some shit to unpack there, but we're not gonna get into that rn), and I realized that I wasn't just attracted to fat men, I wanted to be one. (Also I grew up to have a very shit relationship with exercise thanks to my coaches when I was a competitive athlete, so that kinda pushed me away from "big as muscular" and towards "big as fat," and I'm sure there's stuff to unpack there, but again we're not getting into it.) When thinking of the changes T would bring that I was excited about, one of the main ones was weight gain, though at the time I hadn't quite put together that muscle wasn't really my main interest.

As for discussing it, I definitely feel the anxiety. The combination of transphobia, fatphobia, and the stigma around feedism/gaining makes it hard to talk about. For me, weight comes up in conversation every so often because I have several friends who have gained weight due to mental illness, medication, and the pandemic, and they've been generally unhappy with their bodies lately. (Aside the conversation there is to be had with them about fatphobia and body positivity, as they all are generally anti-fatphobia and body positive despite their gripes with their own bodies,) I've been able to casually bring up that weight gain isn't necessarily a bad thing, as it isn't representative of their health and can help create new relationships with their bodies. And as an example, I'll use myself - "I've gained a fair amount of weight in the last few years and I've found that I actually feel more comfortable with myself at a higher weight, like I feel more confident and masculine and generally more relaxed." So far it hasn't exactly converted any of my friends (not that that's the goal lol), but it has gotten them to think about why being at a higher weight makes them uncomfortable and what about it specifically they don't like, and in at least one of my friends it has gotten them to practice appreciating their body as it is now (especially cause that friend gained weight cause of medication... Like girl you're finally not in pain and throwing up 24/7 and you're gonna complain that your ass is phat? Priorities man, priorities)

But yeah, sorry that this was such a long answer, i apparently have a lot to say on the topic lol. I'd love to discuss it more; if y'all have anything you'd like to add, shoot me another anon or something!