#also gotta find a doctor to shadow or something and also I gotta start something that’s culturally relevant but like. idk what to start lol

[sakhafa]

remembered that I have to do so much and idk how to do most of the things I need to do

[girltober]

Girlfit! Gamer socks/armthings and a sundress might not go well together on paper, but I like this fit a lot 🩷 girls just have so many more customisation options to pick from. And you know what they say, you gotta Get Railed in a Sundress 😜

---

So! Girl Month is two thirds over... whats the state of affairs?

Its been a little while since I last posted anything substantive bc well... girltime has been normalised. In the first week I was very strict about wearing only "proper" girly clothes, not even using my normal dressing gown! But as time passed I've allowed myself to wear more unisex clothing - for better or worse. In general Girl month has become less... exciting and wild and more a mundane part of life. I go out in girlmode and don't think twice about it.

I've been on E nearly 2 weeks now with no effect, which I guess I expected but its a little disappointing. My nips don't feel any more sensitive than usual which is lame.

Sidequest 2 and 3 have not been completed, but I'm planning to complete 3 tomorrow which I'm looking forward to (shes soo hot). And I forsee myself completing 2 also bc like... cmon, how hard can it be?

Girl month has also been a little bit of a slut month for me- which has honestly been kind of the best part lmao. I mean my bodycount is still 1, but I've really enjoyed wearing revealing clothes, going out with my girltreat in, and thinking a lot about being a... well a free use fucktoy 😳.

Maybe I'll make another post trying to delve into the psychology of it, but I guess long story short... horny guys are gross, but horny girls are hot. That might only be true in my own lesbian*(?) head but I feel like its not just me who feels that way. Idk theres a lot to unpack there. Being a girl made me feel more confident being a pervert is what I'm saying, for better or worse.

(*For this month(?))

But to the main event: gender.

I started this month with the view that i was doing this for shits and giggles and nipple-orgasms.

I was planning to walk out of this having unlocked Cis+, as a BoyChad like Finnster who can walk through the Valley of Girl and not flinch at the feminine shadows cast over me.

But...

Rrrrrgh.

*deep sigh*

I guess... I'm probably not cis.

Yeah yeah I know the guy who volunteered to dress as a girl for a month for no reason is actually trans big surprise, someone call the pope, who could have seen this coming yada yada.

I will say that I'm not sure that I'm a girl either though.

I enjoy dressing up femme, and I get a little hit of dopamine whenever someone calls me Charlotte or uses she/her pronouns, but...

(Wait typing that sentence in real time just made me realise that i might just be a girl after all uuuh nvm continuing with my original point)

...I don't necessarily... feel like a girl? Like I mostly forget I'm a girl and then occasionally I think "oh yeah I'm supposed to be a girl rn. Or maybe... I just AM a girl for this month? Oh nice I'm a girl I guess sweet" and then carry on with my usual activities.

Although even that sounds pretty trans hmm.

(Good thing I successfully turned off Pop-ups or this post would be unreadable with the amount of Transgender XP I've gained lmao)

Does anyone remember that one comic? Its like the car driving "PENIS" face one except the thought is "im a girl". This is nonsense to non-tumblrinas I'm so sorry, if anyone finds the comic I'm thinking of please send it to me.

Anyway, i may not be a trans girl, maybe I'm nonbinary or maybe genderfluid or bigender or something else... but M** left Plato's cave when he became me/Charlotte, and I/she can't imagine going back in there and forgetting. Wearing a dress is just too much fun to quit lmao.

I definitely think i just don't have a very strong sense of gender in general- I've boymoded for family events and doctors appointments and felt no discomfort or dysphoria- but being a girl recreationally is just more fun!

I might do Boyweek in early november to try to solidify my gender opinions, but for now... my gender is almost certainly queer and i can't wait to find out what I become ^^.

Thank you everyone for reading and supporting me, thank you all my friends for being chill about this and thank you M & L for supplying me with E and thank you Y for being the madlad who took E for lols in the first place and MASSIVE thank you to the one who took me opshopping and opened my mind to polyamory and made this whole experience... just so much more comfortable and fun.

Oh and thanks to the random internet people who followed along too- Its been really cool to see this break containment in little ways!

Uuuh anyway this might feel like a very final retrospective post but I still have a couple of girlweeks left in girlmonth so I'll keep y'all posted with my future girlfits and antics!

Love y'all! ❤️🩷💜

[jaydonsjam]

Defenders VII

Defenders #17-19

Defenders #17-19 - writer(s): Len Wein (#17-19), Chris Claremont | penciler: Sal Buscema (#17-19) | inker: Dan Green (#17-18), Klaus Janson (#19)

The Defenders (with Power Man) fight The Wrecking Crew! This was a great fight and Sal Buscema’s art is so fitting for a team book. Valkyrie leaves the team in the beginning to find herself. I was sad that Val only had two moments in this arc. We later saw her walking by herself and a dude in the shadows makes a call about her. So we’ll find out what happens with her in Marvel Two-In-One! Doctor Strange has several great character moments in this arc which I enjoyed. For one, he gave a homeless man a buffet and when the Defenders find the Wrecking Crew and the fight starts, he stops it when there are a bunch of kids around. I liked both of those moments. I loved when the Gamma Bomb was introduced cause it really raised the stakes. They kept fighting even with the Gamma Bomb in play which was weird cause I would’ve hoped for something more interesting like with them all working together to get the bomb. You could’ve had them find the bomb but then Wrecker gets it and turns against the Defenders at the last second. That would’ve been more interesting than the two teams racing to get to the bomb first and fighting again. Nighthawk taking out bulldozer by attaching his jet pack to his back and letting him fly straight into the sky only to fall back down, knocked out. Doctor Strange continues to prove his power in this arc and I loved how he took control of the Wrecker’s magical crowbar and used the mystical force against him blowing him backwards. So yeah I had a lot of positives with this arc. Great action and it was really cool to see Power Man team up with the Defenders. But you know me, I gotta be honest. I had two problems with this arc. One being the way Luke Cage’s dialogue was written. I thought how Marv Wolfman wrote Blade in his early appearances was bad well Luke Cage in this arc makes Wolfman’s Blade seem minor. It’s pretty bad. My other problem is Luke Cage completely refusing to hear Dr. Strange and Nighthawk out when they first come into contact. They basically fight the whole seventeenth issue. I just found it annoying and it pushed the believability factor.

Marvel Two-In-One #6-7

Marvel Two-In-One #6-7 - writer: Steve Gerber | penciler: George Tuska (#6), Sal Buscema (#7) | inker: Mike Esposito (#6-7)

Doctor Strange and Thing team up to find a magical harmonica. Then it ends up in the hands of the Enchantress and The Executioner! Im gonna be honest, the whole destiny stuff always loses me and it’s no different here. It’s a little too convoluted for my tastes but I did love seeing Valkyrie’s storyline come to a new conclusion. Also, anytime Enchantress and Skurge make an appearance, you’ve got my attention. I still think my favorite Defenders issue is the fourth issue with the Black Knight/Enchantress/Skurge arc and the rebirth of Valkyrie. Plus, as I’ve said in a previous Defenders post, Val has, by far the best storyline out of the characters in that team book (Dr. Strange has his own book so that’s different). I loved the fight between Thing and Valkyrie vs Enchantress and Skurge on the broken bits of floating earth. Sal Buscema’s art in issue 7 was awesome and he’s one of the best artists in this era at showing action and he’s great at splash pages. Barb (Val)‘s father in the midst of the fighting has a heart attack and dies. It’s actually one of the more interesting developments in Val’s storyline and definitely has a big effect on her. We see the ramifications of it in Defenders #20. Overall I really enjoyed this arc for the villains and the focus on Valkyrie’s backstory. I kinda hoped we’d get to see Enchantress fight Dr. Strange but sadly, he’s not in the battle in issue 7.

Defenders #20

Defenders #20 - writer: Steve Gerber | penciler: Sal Buscema | inker: Vince Colletta

We start off the issue with Val distraught over her “dad’s” death and she gets mad at Thing when he offers to help take her dad into town with her. I liked this because she was grief-stricken and one of the people who knew Barb the most had just died leaving her feeling even more alone. I loved the opening to this issue because Enchantress and the Executioner haven’t left yet so we get Skurge just saying some foul shit about Val’s dead father and I just dug the dialogue between Skurge and Thing. They transport away though. Val walks into town and we meet all the people who knew her as a Barb. Also just a note once Val sheathed her sword so Strange’s spell came back into effect so she appears to be Barb to others. I loved the reveal that Barb had a husband and I’ll be interested to see where that goes. Then we get MORE UNDYING ONES. Damn I can’t escape these guys huh? At least they tried to make them more interesting by making Val’s mom Celestia the owner of the harmonica and a member of their cult. I liked the moment when Thing breaks the harmonica and she turns to ash. I feel like once Dr. Strange and Valkyrie are freed the quick way that Strange does away with the cult felt out of nowhere. While I agree that Strange is very strong and is better than the majority of sorcerers I just felt like the ending to this issue was really abrupt. I like the furthering and focus on Val here but I could do without The Undying Ones.

Defenders #21

Defenders #21 - writer: Steve Gerber | penciler: Sal Buscema |inker: Sal Trapani

Black rain pours down and turns everyone into raging lunatics. Nighthawk gets mad at Val when she chooses to seek out her/Barb’s husband because he likes her. That was a weird choice and his outburst and offense felt childish to me. She just found out she had a husband and he walks off angry talking about you should’ve told me. Well she just found out? Idk the reaction was strange. Nighthawk also slaps a woman later when she’s freaking out. If you have read some of my previous posts, you’ll know that I hate that shit and it happens all the time in this 70’s era. I also forgot to mention in a previous issue but Nighthawk forcibly kissed Valkyrie when she’s leaving and that made me cringe. There’s been some very unlikable moments for Nighthawk in this series so far but I also chalk it up to him being a “reforming villain”. Nothing really happens in this issue. Nighthawk fails to stop a heist (by the people who caused the rain) and that’s about it. It just… ends? Yeah this is one of the weaker issues of this series.

Giant-Size Defenders #3

Giant-Size Defenders #3 - Writer(s): Steve Gerber, Jim Starlin, Len Wein | Penciler: Jim Starlin | Inker(s): Dan Adkins, Don Newton, Jim Mooney

The Defenders and Daredevil have to enter a game started by the Collector! This was a fun issue full of action and I loved seeing Daredevil (he’s one of my favs). The penciling by Jim Starlin is masterful but he’s one of the best so who’s surprised? My favorite moment of the issue the end when Daredevil has The Collector wage the fate of Earth on a coin toss. Turns out he knew how to win a coin toss which required some suspension of disbelief. One more thing: Hulk fights a tiny alien and keeps calling him the m-word which will definitely bother people so just keep that in mind if you plan on reading this one. Not much to go into because most of the comic is a bunch of different fights but it worked well enough for a filler issue. Next up is Man-Thing!

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

7/16/2023 DAB Chronological Transcription

Isaiah 13-17

Welcome to Daily Audio Bible Chronological. I'm Jill. Today's the 16th day of July. It's so good to be back with you here, starting a brand new week, starting a brand new day and that also brings a brand new translation in our reading. So let's jump in for today. Today we're reading Isaiah chapter 13. 14, 15, 16 and 17.And this week's brand new translation is the New Living Translation, Isaiah, Chapter 13 

Prayer:

Father, thank you for your word again today. This is why we are here, to know you, to be in an intimate relationship with you through your word, to speak to us, to changes from the inside out. We thank you for your mercy that is new every day. Thank you for a brand new week, a brand new chance to begin again. Again we give you this week consecrated to you asking you to do all it is that you want to. We pray this now in the name of the Father, Son, the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Announcements:

As always, look forward to beautiful week together in God's Word. That's all for today. I'm Jill. We'll turn the page together tomorrow, until then love one another.

Community Prayer Line:

Good morning DABC fam, this is Lady of Victory on the morning of July 10th. It's Tuesday morning. And this message or prayer call list for Janet from Ohio for her friend Michelle who has experienced excruciating loss. Mom and dad and boyfriend. And now, just recently, her son. My heart goes out to her. I know that pain of losing a mom, a dad or son. And out of all of them it's like that child is the one. And so oh Lord our God, how excellent is your name and all the earch. And I lift up my shell before you God knowing the heartache and knowing the pain of losing a child God is just something about all of the losses that she's experienced, that the one that she's experiencing just recently of the death of her son, God has got to be the one that is pulling closest to her heart because she carried that child so close to her heart for nine months and had to cut the umbilical cord, had to literally cut him away from her and now got to lose. It's almost like another cutting. So God, would you please comfort her heart as only you can and I know that you can. God that where we can't see what you're doing. When we can't trace your hand. When we don't know the plan that you have for us. When these things are, these things happen. God with these are the times where we gotta trust your heart and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your love for us is what matters. And so, God, please show Michelle that you love her eyes. That you would just have Janet and others like her to just gally rather rally around her and let her know that you're there and we bless you and we thank you in Jesus name.

Hello dear DABC Family. This is Christy from Pennsylvania. I'm standing on his promises. First, an update on my granddaughter Penelope. She is doing well. She was off the ventilator, but she's back on the ventilator because she couldn't remember to breathe. But she's they've upped her food and she's nearly doubled in weight. So we're just praising God for all of those wonderful things, and that the masses on her liver are nearly gone. So thank you, Jesus, for that. But I'm calling today to pray for Corey's mother-in-law, Helen, that God would continue to provide for the family so that Corey's wife can encourage and honor her mother, as God calls us to do. I pray for Holy Spirit guidance for the doctors and family, for God's strength and grace for the entire family. During this time, I want to thank Tanya from Suffolk for her constant encouragement and testimony. You are truly a blessing, sister for Lady of Victory, as the Lord continues to strengthen you and your lost God knows the pain. He sees you and He loves you, and He's carrying you through. For Chastity's family, that God would be with them as they mourn the loss of her uncle. May they find strength and may it bring the family closer to God and to each other. I just want to bind the devil in his lies. We are children of the King. We have an inheritance of salvation and healing, of mind, body and spirit. Let us stand firm on those promises and not look to the left or the right. We are more than conquerors. We're victorious through the Lord. Continue to seek him first and be blessed my brothers and sisters. And thank you so much to Jill and China for this wonderful platform and Brian as well. Have a blessed day.

Hi everyone this is Sonia in Austin, TX and I just want to give a prayer request update. My daughter Samantha and her husband had a beautiful baby girl on July 5th. She did have C sections and now she's home recovering from that. So I just thank you for your prayers for the baby and for her, for the delivery. She still is getting migraines, so if you're just continue to pray for God to lessen the migraines or take them away. Since she's dealt with this since she was five years old, it would be wonderful for her to be able to enjoy having a baby and not get a migraine while trying to take care of the baby, so I love you all and I'm praying for each and everyone of you as I hear your prayer requests. Thank you all, you are very special to me.

Hi, I'm covered by the blood. This is Christopher from The Pretzel City. I wanted to respond to your call about Trayvon needing to lose weight before he goes in the Air Force, and let me kind of address him directly. Trayvon, well done. You've chosen a life of service over self, and that is very noble. Let me give you 3 quick tips from an old Air Force Sergeant. First, get yourself a copy of the Marine Daily 16. It is an exercise program that the Marine Corps created. You can do - can start it at low reps. And it's designed to use no equipment and have very little risk of injury. Second, if possible, get yourself a copy of the book called Running for Mortals. And start following the weight loss walking and running program in that. And third, make sure that after you lose this weight and after you get in the military, then you continue to exercise on a regular basis. Because let me tell you, I lost the habit and there was a lot of trouble for me and I gained almost 40 pounds when I got out of the Air Force. So make this part of your daily routine and you'll lose the weight quick and you'll stay fit for life. And I'll close with God bless you and fly, fight and win. Take care of y'all.

Good morning DABC. This is Redeem daughter. Just wanting to come on and pray for some people today because today wrecked me. Marilyn, for your husband, there was somebody else that called before for her husband as well who is not believing in God as much anymore. But you didn't leave your name. And happy birthday Joe. But God, we just pray for all the husbands in our lives to actually know you and to once it comes to know you and to know like she said, it's not a feeling thing. It's a fact that you are God, that you are real, that you are alive, that you do love us, that you are our Father in heaven and Father, Son, Holy Spirit, God, get a hold of our husbands please- their minds and renew their minds and their hope. It's all I can think of to say for the husband and Maryland's husband she doesn't believe in. He doesn't believe in doctors, but he does believe in Jehovah, Rafi, the healer and God, I do believe in your healing too. But sometimes we have to go to the doctors but to get to the one girl that called up where her best friend Michelle lost her son in a motorcycle accident, lost her dad and her boyfriend and God, I can't even imagine right now what she could possibly be going through. But father, it's almost like a Job story in modern time and Lord, I'm just asking that you live from the show up right now. Lord, in the name of Jesus, save her and help her through this terrible time that she's lost her son. I know absent with the body present with the Lord, that's all we can say. Absent with the body present, with the Lord. You must have needed her son. But love on her, hug her, bring her people, bring her peace, love, comfort and bring her your love in Jesus name.

[girl-of-many-fandoms]

Stitches // 5

Pairing: Frank Castle x Reader

Summary: The reader and Matt has an interesting conversation in the hospital, Frank catches up to Billy and visits his wife for some advice.

Warnings: mentions of blood, gun violence, soft Frank

Quite a bit of POV switching!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 BONUS

MASTERLIST

—

Y/N’s POV

“Hey.”

Madani shut the door to my hospital room, eyes avoiding me as she walked further into the room. I could tell that she felt bad for what happened but there was no need for her too.

“Let me save you trouble of trying to convince me that this was somehow all your fault, you didn’t. I was the one that kept reaching out to you to know what was happening, Billy must’ve followed you to my place and kept tabs on me also.” forcing the lump down in her throat she finally looked up at me.

“I shouldn’t have brought you into this mess at all, you weren’t supposed to know he was back, he insisted that I didn’t rope you in this time but I needed you to talk to him.”

“He told you about what went down between us, didn’t he?” She pulled the chair closer to my bedside and sat down.

“He did and I still went behind his back and got you involved so yes, this is my fault and I’m sorry you got hurt.” she dipped her hand into the pocket of her jacket pulling out a flip phone.

“He wanted me to give this to you, it’s a burner.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. I must say, it’s weird seeing you all banged up, I’m used to seeing him in this position.” I laughed but soon regretted it, my ribs hurt with the movement.

“Gotta admit, I look pretty good, all things considered.” The swelling around my eyes had gone down a lot in the eighteen hours I’ve been here. My nose still hurts like a bitch, jaw also, the doctor said those would hurt for a couple days. The rest of my body was covered in cuts and bruises that were sure to stick around for quite some time too.

“That’s something Frank would’ve said, you two are cut from the same cloth.” shaking her head she stood up.

“What about you, are you okay?” her white blouse was covered in blood, there was a cut on her cheek, her eyes were red, she was completely disheveled.

“It’s not my blood, it’s Billy’s.” she waved me off

“I put three bullets in him. It’s a long story, one I can’t tell you now because I really just came here to give you the burner and to see how you were doing, I’ll come check on you after this is all sorted out with, get some rest.”

With that she said, she left, leaving me with my thoughts and the heart monitor that kept beeping, the constant sound slowly driving me mad. The phone started vibrating and I answered it.

“Hey sweetheart, you look like shit.” Frank’s gruff voice came across the line. Scoffing, I rolled over on my side, looking out the window. He was most definitely on a rooftop somewhere in the shadows looking in.

“That’s exactly what every woman wants to hear from a man.”

“I meant that in the nicest way possible.”

“Mhm, sure you did Castle. You know it’s creepy that you’re on the roof of a building staring at me through the scope of your weapon.”

“At least that asshole was right about one thing, my girl is smart. How did you know I was on top of a roof?”

“Call it intuition.”

Frank smiled to himself as he continued to look at his lady through the scope of his rifle, he was indeed on top of a building three blocks out from the hospital. A smile played on her lips as she stared out the window, he hated the fact that he couldn’t be sitting next to her in the hospital room.

“Mahoney expects you to hand Billy over when you find him.”

“Yeah, well he better not hold his breath on that one.”

“It’s Mahoney we’re talking about here.” The door to my room opened and I craned my neck to see who it was, Matt, Karen and Foggy piled in.

“I have to go, you do what you’ve got to do and stay safe alright.”

“Yes ma’am.” hanging up I rolled onto my back, Karen and Foggy were on the brink of tears, Matt just stood there, his jaw tight.

“Are those tears for me Nelson?”

“You scared us.” both him and Karen hugged me, one of them squeezed me too tight

“I’m banged up guys, ease up on the hugs. It took you guys long enough to get here.”

“We were all hungover from last night, we had to sleep it off.”

“We’re glad you’re okay but I have to ask, you and Frank Castle?” Matt was too calm about this, I was expecting him to react differently.

“I was waiting for you to tell us yourself but you never did.”

“Hold up, you guys knew?”

“Not Foggy and Karen but I did, you smelt like him the first time you came to the office all marked up. I didn’t want to believe it but then I met him on that rooftop later that night and he smelt like you.”

“That is so wrong of you Matt, you don’t go around using your heightened sense of smell to invade people’s privacy.”

“That’s not the point, you got involved with a criminal, you could lose your career.” He definitely did not want to go down this road with me right now, considering he did the same thing.

“That’s cheap coming from you, you left Karen to be with your psycho murdering ex-girlfriend Elektra, so please spare me the bullshit Murdock.”

“She’s right and you know it Matt, you did the exact same thing so don’t come at her like that.” Foggy and Karen sided with me, she was still hurt about that. She really did like him and he led her on, making her believe that he cared for her but treated her like complete shit.

“That’s different.”

“How, how is that different? Were you two playing patty cake on your late night rendezvous? You knew what she was and still went with her.”

“She wasn’t like that when we first got together.”

“Neither was he, shit happens in our lives man and everything changes. Falling for him wasn’t something that I saw coming, it just happened.”

I don’t even know why I’m arguing with the man who thinks that he’s better than the rest of us when he’s done the same thing. The only thing that separates Matthew Murdock from Frank Castle is his fear; he’s afraid that once he crosses the line of murdering someone he wouldn’t be able to return to his usual self.

“You’re both the same whether you want to hear it or not Matt, you just hold back while Frank shows zero remorse. You’re both on the same team, your methods differ but at the end of it all, you both make sure that those scumbags don’t roam the streets of this city.”

“Okay you two, enough. It’s late and we didn’t come here to fight with one another.”

Lying back on my pillow I focused on the ceiling, a brutal headache coming on from all the arguing. Karen held onto my hand, squeezing it a couple times to gain my attention.

“He was the guy you had so much fun with.” smirking, she played with my fingers knowing that Matt could hear everything.

“So much, round after round, that man has got stamina.” Matt grunted across the room, Karen and I forcing ourselves to keep it together.

“Lucky!”

—

Frank’s POV

“Shit, Curtis”

After my stop to check on Y/N, Amy called to say she had located the man that has been hunting us down since the bar fight in Michigan, told her to stay put and got to the hotel in record time. There was a big shootout between us both and he got to Amy in the corridor on his way out, taking her hostage.

As if my night couldn’t have gotten worse, I’m back at the trailer where I left Curtis with the Senator only to walk in and not see either one of them.

Well fuck me

Reaching into my back pocket I fished out the ringing device, a deep sigh escaping me as I answered.

“Yeah?”

“How do we do this?”

“Well, he’s here. The trailer. You want him, you come get him.” Hanging up, I locked the device.

“Ah, shit. Okay, Frank. Jesus Christ.” he’s going to kill her once he realizes that I don’t have David.

Well, I'm in deep now. Looks like there's only one way out of this.

Christ

—

Y/N’s POV

“You don’t have to stay here all night with me Karen.” rolling her eyes she popped another leftover sushi roll into her mouth. Matt and Foggy were long gone and it’s well after three in the morning, she should be at home or doing anything other than sitting in a hospital chair eating sushi rolls with bad television in the background.

“I know but I don’t want you to be alone, Billy’s still out there. What if he comes back to finish the job?” she worries too much

“Billy is the least of my worries right now, Frank is.”

“I’m sure he’s fine.”

“I’d say the same if there weren't two people after him, Billy and a bounty hunter.”

“There’s a bounty hunter chasing him down.”

“Yup, him and the kid.”

“Damn.”

“I just hope they’re both alright.”

—

Frank’s POV

Holding onto the canister, I brought it up over my head ready to bash in John’s bloody face beneath me but he stopped me in my tracks.

“Wait, when you kill them don’t hurt my boys.” blood poured down my face from the many hits he delivered to me and now, instead of trying to fight back he just laid there, waiting for me to finish him.

“I know who you are, you’re the whirlwind.”

“I’m not going to kill you.” tossing the canister off to the side I watched as he hauled himself up on his feet.

“They have your kids and they need you. So when you’re done cleaning up yourself at whatever hole you’re staying in, you’re going to call and let them know that you’ve finished the job and that you’re coming to get your boys back.”

"Okay, you have my word."

"Good because I don't need to tell you what happens if you try to cross me again."

Amy pulled up in the car and got out, running directly into my arms. She was crying and I held onto her tight as she cried into my chest. My eyes never left John's retreating body until he drove off into the night.

One thing handled, now it's time to find Billy.

-----

Y/N’s POV

"So wait, he broke out of prison and into your house. Instead of calling the cops you had hot sex with him then he left the next morning. He returned a while later, you two had more hot, steamy sex, again and now you both reunite a year after of silence." Karen was trying to wrap her head around the thought.

"And we won’t be having hot, steamy sex anytime soon.”

“Why not?”

“He walked out on me last time, yes, I am most definitely still upset about that.” she quietly sat there staring at me and the longer she did, the more uncomfy out I got.

“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to picture you both together.”

“Okay, enough of me and Frank for tonight, what about you? What are you going to do about Matt?” she still loved him despite the way things went down between them, she can try to hide it from me but I know her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, please K, you still look at him the same way.”

“There’s nothing to do, sadly.”

—

Frank’s POV

Amy is passed out on the couch, her snores are the only sound in the trailer. I am very much still wide awake, the shower I took after John left woke me up even more. I lost track of how many times I’ve opened and closed the flip phone in my hand as I contemplated on calling Y/N just to hear her voice.

She’s most likely asleep Frank, don’t disturb her.

The sunlight began peaking through the window casting a warm glow in the trailer. Another day and Billy is still out there, probably long gone from New York by now. Wherever he is, he better hope I don’t cross paths with him. The device started vibrating in my hold

“Yeah?”

“Hey man, Billy just called me, he’s at the centre.” Pushing myself up to my feet I grabbed my jacket and loaded weapon.

“He’s hurt pretty bad man, shouldn’t take you long to do what you need to do.” hanging up I looked over at the kid again making sure that she was still asleep before heading out. I stuck the gun in the waistband of my jeans, fixing my shirt and jacket to conceal it.

There were so many things that I wanted to do to him for everything he’s done but if he’s already bleeding out I’d just have to speed up the process. Flashes of Maria, Lisa and Junior ran through my mind with each step I took. Maria was smiling over at me and the kids were just off to the side playing, God I missed them.

Then Y/N popped up in my mind also, the morning after we slept together the first time. Her hair was sprawled out on her pillow, her gorgeous smile on her face as she looked up at me. It was at that moment I knew that she was special, she saw the real me and didn’t run in the opposite direction.

The same thing that happened to Mariah and the kids could’ve happened to Y/N and that thought alone is enough to have me seeing red. I’ve been beating myself up for not killing him last year when I had the chance, he would’ve never gotten the chance to harm her.

The building where Curtis has his vet meetings came into view and I quickened my steps, avoiding the occasional morning joggers on the pavement.

Today is the day he dies.

The door slammed shut behind me and I immediately reached for the gun in my waistband.

“Curt, Curtis, here.” Billy weakly called out

“I knew you’d come and…” his words died off once I stepped into the room as him

“Frankie.” he laughed which then turned into a coughing fit as he struggled to breathe. Standing in front of his sorry ass, I wanted to slam his head against the wall.

“You don’t look so good. Of course it’s you, I should’ve known.” for someone who’s bleeding out he talks too damn much.

“You should have known that I wasn’t going to let you get away after what you did to my girl. I told you, my face would be the last thing you see.”

“Frank, I’m s-”

I didn’t hesitate to fire two bullets into his chest before walking right out the building.

I’ve heard enough of Billy and his lies for a lifetime

Dipping into my pocket, I retrieved my phone dialing Y/N’s number. It rang a couple times before her sweet voice came through.

“Hey you.”

“Hey sweetheart, how are you feeling this morning?”

“Better now that I’m hearing from you.”

“Could you be more cheesy?” a muffled voice came from the background

“Someone’s there with you?”

“Yeah, Karen. She stayed with me all night. Also, it looks like I’ll be getting out of here later on today.”

“That’s good news baby, I’ll come see you after I finish dealing with something.”

“Alright just-”

“Be safe, promise.”

—

Y/N’s POV

“You sure you’re going to be alright staying here alone?”

“Yes, Matt, I’ll be alright.”

I might actually get a good night’s sleep now that Billy’s dead. Mahoney and Madani were lucky enough to catch me before I got discharged from the hospital. Apparently she put ‘five’ bullets into him instead of three but I know Frank put the other two there himself.

“Go on, you guys get home, you all have a long day at the office tomorrow.” holding the door open I waited for the trio to leave my apartment. They made it their business to stay with me all evening since I got the all clear to go home.

“Are you putting us out to go to bed or is Castle coming over?” Foggy quirked his eyebrow, downing the rest of his beer.

“I don’t know where he is at the moment and I don’t care, I just want to shower and get to bed.” finally giving in they cleaned up the living room, throwing the empty take out boxes into the bin and collected their stuff.

“We’re not pressing you tonight only because you’re banged up.”

“Sure Nelson.” The three of them hugged me on their way out, with a final wave I locked the door and went to do exactly what I said I was going to do.

—

Frank’s POV

“Hey Maria.”

I was sitting on the grass in the cemetery, I just got finished tying up the loose ends of Amy’s problem and dropping her off at the trailer. It’s been a long ass day and I needed some advice. The stars in the sky were bright this time at night, there weren't any cars driving by or anyone else here for that matter.

“I finally got him, he can’t hurt anyone else now.” Playing with the blades of grass at my fingertips I looked up at the sky.

“You know, last time I was here I was apologizing to you and the kids.” I vividly remember being a mess that morning, I was apologizing for moving on, I shouldn’t have had to but it was eating me up inside.

That was the morning I walked out on Y/N without properly breaking things off between us, I still hate myself for writing that fucking letter. I didn’t overstay my welcome in New York like I told her, truth is, I was scared and constantly felt guilty. Scared because I was letting someone else in after being married to the woman that was the love of my life and I feared the same thing would happen again; it almost did, at least this time I could’ve saved Y/N from having that same fate.

Everyday during the two months that Y/N and I were together I would think about Maria and feel guilty for being with someone who wasn’t her. That guilt was eating away at me and no matter how much I tried to talk about how I truly felt, I found myself avoiding having the conversation. I mean, how was I supposed to look at Y/N and say that I feel bad for falling for you? I couldn’t, so I did what I do best, I left.

“She’s amazing Maria. She’s tough, smart, has a big heart, she always sees the best in people who don’t see it in themselves; myself included. She’s too good for me Maria, she knows what type of person I am, she’s seen all bad in me yet she still accepts me, loves me.”

And you love her, so don’t mess it up. Hold onto her and don’t let her slip away.

“Yes, I do love her and it’s terrifying, feeling like this for someone again but I’m not running this time.”

I'm holding on to her.

----

MARVEL Taglist:

@dorks2022 @n3ssm0nique @chrisfucksblog @sophiaedits @peakascum @anonymoustip217 @iiddaaa @mintphoenix @hardcoppizzasludge @panaitbeatrice @tanyaherondale @creatingjana @calimoi @rootcrop @louisianalady @thummbelina @vicmc624 @leyannrae @janaev4ns @queenofkings1212 @believinghurts @poor-unfortunate-soul-85 @stumbleonmywords @inas-thing @blackcat420 @badasseddy @spiderlaufeyson @yesimwriting @blondekel77 @4-everm-0-re @sketch-and-write-lover @farfromjustordinary @haoluvver @garbinge

[dirtychocolatechai]

meet-cute | b.b.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Warning(s): fluff, awkward Bucky, vet appointment stuff, Alpine Request: Babes if you're lowkey taking requests can I lowkey make one? 👉🏼👈🏼🥺💕 something flirty and cute and maybe a lil spicy with Bucky and vet!reader where something's going on with Alpine? Not self indulgent at all 😻💖 Notes: This was the first thing I’ve written in months and it felt damn good. Funny story, I actually almost went to school to be a vet tech + shadowed a vet for two weeks and got to see some wickedly cool things.

This was a bit self-indulgent on my part because I had a cat who passed away some years ago because of struvite stones and I wished he had a happier ending like Alpine so I thought why not 🤷‍♀️💖

Taglist is open

(gif from google)

There’s nothing Bucky hates more than the stringent smell of industrial cleaners and clinical white walls - too many associations and shades of memory long laid to rest - except for when something’s going on with Alpine. The Turkish Angora was fine up until a few days ago when he started to hide away and sleep all day.

That wasn’t too concerning at first...

But then came the pained little noises, the frantic running back and forth from the litter box, the excessive grooming. The pit that started forming low in his belly grew, his instincts screaming at him that something was wrong, very wrong, with his little buddy. 

Bucky wasn’t about to fuck around and set up an appointment with the first vet office he could find that had a same-day opening. And now he’s trying not to fall apart at the seams while he waits for the docs to do their magic and tell him what the hell’s going on with his cat and what he has to do to fix it.

The vet tech collected Alpine a bit ago and every minute stretches into years, the cat’s pitiful meow echoing in his ears and those betrayed eyes burned onto the backs of his eyelids.

I know, Bub, I’m sorry but they gotta figure out what’s going on. It’ll be okay, they’ll take care of you. 

His ass went numb from the plastic chair ages ago, his leg jiggling up and down at a rapid pace as he chews on his thumbnail and waits.

And waits.

And waits.

God, he knows these things take time but he’d rather be back at home, curled up on the couch with Alpine pigging out on breakfast food and watching space documentaries. 

How much longer-

“Alright, Mr. Barnes?”

The heavy door swings open with a click, a kind, professional voice preceding a pair of sensible shoes as the vet steps into the room with a clipboard cradled against her chest. His eyes snap up, skipping over her completely to look at the tech holding his cat who looks absolutely miserable. 

She introduces herself but he’s not paying attention. He’s not meaning to be rude but all his focus narrows in on that white little face, the knot in his chest unfurling at the little mew.

He smiles, his eyes crinkling around the edges as he breathes, “Hey there, Little Buddy.” 

The vet doesn’t push, in fact, she seems a little enamored with how much he melts at the sight of his pet. Her own lips quirk up into a soft smile while she stands off to the side patiently as Alpine’s set down on the metal table.

Bucky gets in a few good scritches under his chin, the beginnings of a purr just starting to vibrate his hand when the vet clears her throat delicately. 

He clears his throat, heat burrowing into the apples of his cheeks. “Shi - uh, ‘m sorry.” A hand scrubs over the back of his neck. “I’m just - uh - y’know...” 

Her laugh trickles down his spine like warm rain, the sound effectively drawing his attention away from the cat rubbing up against his side. He gets his first look at her and oh.

A bare face and a no-nonsense hairstyle greet him, her scrubs and white coat adding to the overall doctor vibe but she’s still breathtaking. The natural beauty in the curves of her face, the slant of her brows, the sparkle of her eyes.

He feels like he got sucker-punched in the chest, his heart giving a sudden throb that has him coughing like an idiot as he scrambles to not look like such a jackass.

“So,” he clears his throat, scratching at the stubble along his jaw, “What’s - what’s wrong with him?” 

Glancing down at Alpine’s chart, she hums and writes a note before glancing back up with a reassuring smile. “Nothing that can’t be managed with a special diet and watching his water intake.”

It’s like the weight of the world disappears from his shoulders, his broad frame practically heaving with his sigh of relief. “Oh thank fucking- ahem, ‘scuse me - thank god.” 

Her chuckle and sly smile have him blushing from the roots of his hair to the collar of his shirt, his stomach squirming in discomfort. Old habits are hard to break, especially ones his momma taught him with a box to the ear.

“You’re allowed to swear, Mr. Barnes,” she says, reaching down to run her fingers through snow-white fur. “We’re all adults here.” 

“No, no, I know...” 

“Hm, anyway, his blood work came back and everything looks fine which is a good thing.” 

And it’s back to business like that, any hint of personality hidden behind cool professionalism that Bucky thinks even Tasha would admire. Except for the playful gleam in her eyes as she sneaks peeks at him while going over everything they did and what they found. 

“Struvite crystals are quite common in cats at low levels, especially males because their tract is longer and narrower.” She pauses, flipping to a new page. “Depending on the severity, they can clump together in the urinary tract and actually form stones. That’s where the true problem lies because get one large enough, and it can cause a blockage.”

He’s listening with rapt attention, soaking in the knowledge she’s imparting to him all the while, petting Alpine who keeps nuzzling him and making little sounds. Honestly, he could listen to her talk for hours even if he didn’t understand a goddamn thing. 

She’s so animated when she speaks, holds eye contact and makes sure he understands everything without making him feel like an idiot. He’s had so many doctors who talked at him rather than with him, staring through him without seeing, more interested in the paycheck rather than their patients.

But not her, she cares.

Deeply.

He can see it all over her face and it’s utterly enchanting. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little enamored, charmed.

Turning the tablet towards him, she shifts closer and a waft of whatever perfume she’s wearing tickles his nose as she explains what the x-ray of Alpine’s abdomen found.

“These are the stones but thankfully they’re relatively small,” she points to several hazy white ovals starkly visible on the radiograph, “We caught them in time before they became a really big problem.” 

Shit, she smells so good...

 “Now, we’ll send you home with a special diet and see how he does. Also, make sure to up his fluid intake as much as you can. The food can take several months to start dissolving the crystals so we’ll have to do everything we can to help. Sound good?”

Bucky hasn’t pulled his eyes away from her face once this entire time, and how fucking creepy is that?

Quickly looking down at Alpine, embarrassment gnawing at his belly, he nods and wishes for the first time since he cut his hair that he hadn’t so he’d at least have a passing chance at hiding the blush burning its way across his face. 

“Yeah,” he says, picking up the ball of white fluff to hold against his chest, a makeshift shield. “Is there anything else I should do?” 

“No.” She smiles, writing another note and tapping away at the tablet next to her. “I do want to see him again in about a month for a check-up.”

Fuck, he doesn’t want to leave so soon.

The irony isn’t lost on him either.

How does he make this last longer? What can he do? If Sam was here right now, he’d be kicking him in the ass and bitching at him to ask for her number already, Ice Pick.

The clack of the chart being set down rings through the room, bouncing off the walls and sounding so fucking final that he starts to panic. 

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. 

She’s already halfway to the door when she asks, “Do you have any questions?”

The word vomit spring from him, unbidden and sudden without any thought, more forward than he’s been with a woman in years.

“Can I have your number?”

As soon as the question leaves his lips, he curses, cringes and wishes he could snatch the very words from the air itself.

Great, I just hit on my vet.

No amount of backpedaling can salvage this but goddamn it if Bucky doesn’t try, stuttering out some half-assed excuse about wanting it just in case he thinks of something later.

When he glances up, he wishes he hadn’t. The vet tech is in near tears in the corner, biting her lips so hard he wouldn’t be surprised if they started to bleed.

But it’s the absolute surprised bafflement on the woman he just inappropriately hit on that does him in, makes him about ready to burn all forms of identification and run for the hills. 

Her brows nearly reach her hairline, her mouth slack, eyes startled. She gets ahold of herself before he does, and he barely stops himself from slapping a hand over his face.

Right when he’s thinking there’s no way he’s going to be able to show his face in the office again, her expression softens with gentle amusement and her lips twitch. 

Struck dumb, he can only watch as she writes something down on a slip of paper before handing it over to him. He barely believes the string of numbers and the cheeky little call me anytime :).

The wink she sends his way is there and gone, so fast he almost believes he imagined it. 

“For emergencies only,” she says, slyly. “Of course.”

“Of course,” he agrees, almost tripping over the cat carrier as he hurries to stuff Alpine back in. “Of course, thank you. I...appreciate it.” 

“Anytime, Mr. Barnes.” 

Bucky leaves the room in a stupor, the world sharply shifted to the left as he heads to the front desk to make the follow-up appointment, but not before hearing the whispered, “Girl, you’re lucky. He’s fine!” and the “He is, isn’t he?”. 

[vacant--body]

MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of unaliving self, PTSD, Bucky have flash backs, vomiting, loss of pregnancy, ED if you squint, lots and lots and lots of angst. sad, saaaad, Bucky :(

female!reader x steve and bucky love triangle (not as much here)

Side note: HI! I'M SO SORRY! I LOVE YOU ALL:) *also if the text is in italics it means there's a flashback*

part 1

✿~~~✿~~~✿~~~✿~~~✿

It had been almost a month since Bucky had last seen Y/N. Tony and Steve thought it was best for Y/N to be admitted to the psychiatric ward at the near by hospital. But you have been gone a month. And you didn't put Bucky down on the approved list of people that could come visit you. The only thing he had left of you was the last conversation you guys had, and it was slowly driving him insane.

"Bucky? Where are they taking me? I don't wanna go." You were still loopy from the anesthesia Banner had used during your surgery. The way you were talking to him made it seem like you had just forgotten everything that had happened over the last 3 months.

"Shh, it's okay." Bucky said softly. Talking still hurt his throat. "But you gotta. You gotta get better, okay?" You nodded and sniffled. "Don't cry doll. It's all gonna be okay." He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, like he always did when you were upset.

"What happened to your face?" You muttered, your fingers grazing across the cut on his cheek bone. Bucky flinched at your touch, not wanting to remember how it felt.

"Don't worry, doll. Just get some rest. I'll see you soon." Bucky stood up from beside the cot and nodded at the paramedics who were standing close by to take you to the hospital.

"Bucky?" You asked quietly.

"Yeah, doll?" He could feel the hot tears in his eyes getting ready to spill over.

"I love you."

"Bucky," Sam tapped his shoulder. "Are you listening?"

"Sorry." He mumbled. "Just thinking." He rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward, wringing his hands together.

"I asked how you were doing?" Sam repeated.

"I'm fine."

"Don't do that Buck." He scoffed, slumping into his chair. "You gotta talk about this shit, man. And I know you normally talk to Steve but-"

"Sam, don't."

"Bucky-"

"I don't need your fucking pity.” Bucky growled, getting to his feet. Sam stared into his eyes with exactly what Bucky was upset about; pity.

"I am trying, damnit." Sam seethed through his teeth. "I am trying to hold you together and I am trying to hold Steve together. I hate being the middle man but if you two want to act like you're in high school and give each other the silent treatment, then I'll do it. I don't like seeing my friends hurting." He sighed and rubbed his temples. "You are very clearing showing signs of PTSD, and if you just let me help you, I can try to make it better."

"Everyone hates me, Sam." Bucky changed the subject.

"No, they don't. They're worried about you." Sam tossed his arms up in the air, exasperated. "You and Steve lost so much in one night, they're scared for you. They are mourning with you, Bucky. Please understand that."

Bucky scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I gotta go, this was pointless."

"Bucky-" He didn't hear what else Sam had to say before he shut the door to his office behind him and stormed down the hallway. He scoffed and shook his head. Fucking therapy. Tony had forced him to go or else he was sending him some place like Y/N was. He didn't need it anybody’s help, he was fine.

Bucky had wondered around the compound for hours after been you’d taken away, unsure of where he was going. This place felt so empty without Y/N here. He felt so empty. He found himself standing outside Steve's room after walking for hours. The sun was starting to rise now. His arm jerked as if he wanted to knock on the door, but he couldn't do it.

Then why did he knock?

Steve opened the door and was standing in front of him, eyes red from crying. His hair a mess. He definitely didn't look like the calm and collected Captain America.

"What the fuck do you want?" He spat, glaring down at his best friend.

"I-" Bucky was at a loss for words. "I don't know."

Steve laughed bitterly. "Get the fuck out of my face before I knock your teeth out."

"Steve, please-" Bucky's voice broke. "I need-I need you. Please."

"You need me?" Steve hissed. "What about what I need, huh? Does how I feel just not matter to you?”

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, staring down at his feet. He couldn’t look Steve in the eyes any longer.

“You were fucking her.” Steve laughed, almost as it was a joke. “You were fucking my girl. You got my girl pregnant, and she tried to kill herself. Because of you, Bucky. So get out of my face. I don’t care what you have to say.”

"You're the only one-" Bucky tried desperately. He needed to talk. And Steve was the only one who understood.

"Save it, I don't wanna hear it. You ever show up at my door again," He took a deep breath, his eyes falling on the bruising cut that was on his cheek. "I won't stop this time." Steve slammed the door in Bucky's face.

Bucky was standing in front of Y/N's room. The door had long opened and an empty room was staring back. After you had left, Pepper and Nat had cleaned your room up the best that they could. While cleaning they had found an ultrasound picture hidden away in your nightstand. Nat said she wanted to throw it out but Pepper stole it from her and brought it to Bucky one evening. Bucky didn't know what to do with it so he brought it back to your room, stashing it away where you had kept it. He didn't want to take anything out of your room for when you came back. He wanted it to look like how you had left it. Well- before you destroyed it anyway.

Bucky slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, the springs groaning at the sudden weight on it. No one had sat here in a long time. Bucky heaved a sigh and hung his head, his long hair made a curtain around his face. You were always telling him to cut it.

A frown crept onto his lips, silently cursing himself. You teasing him about his hair is was started this whole thing. It was 4 months ago, you guys had most of the compound to yourself and were passing the time playing a drinking game.

He still remembers the smile on your face when you had brought up his hair, thinking it was hilarious how it was so long. Your laugh was more intoxicating than the alcohol the two of you were consuming. He just couldn't stop staring at you, your beautiful eyes, your hair that smelled like lavender, your gorgeous smile. And every time you leaned over it would expose your cleavage from the top of the thin tank top you had on. By the time you were done giggling Bucky had leaned in and grabbed your face, pressing his lips firmly against yours. You were stunned at first but quickly gave into his advances, as you had been waiting for this moment too.

A noise outside the room made Bucky snap back to reality.

"Thought I would find you here." A soft voice whispered. It was Nat. She gave him a soft smile before sitting down on the edge of the bed beside him. "It okay if I sit?" Bucky shrugged his shoulders and nodded. "Sam said you're having a bad day."

"Sam doesn't know shit."

"I know some days are tougher than others. You seemed to be doing okay last week. Actually saw you smile." She laughed quietly. Bucky didn't say anything. "She's not dead, Bucky."

"Why the fuck-"

"Shut up and listen." Any hint of kindness in her voice was gone. "I'm not like Sam, I'm not gonna coddle you. She is alive and is doing better, I just came from the hospital."

"We'll I'm glad you got to see her." He scoffed.

"I know you're not gonna hear what I have to say, but just listen to this- you are not alone, Bucky. Okay? I know none of that matters because you don't have the people you love most around you. But the rest of us are you for you, and Steve. Okay?" Bucky opened his mouth to snap something back but Nat held up her hand. "Just tell me you understand, okay? Because if I have to clean up one more persons blood off the floor I am going to loose my mind."

Bucky sighed and nodded his head. "Okay. I understand." Nat patted him on the shoulder before standing up and left the room. A tear dribbled down his cheek and he quickly whipped it away. Why couldn’t everyone just leave him alone?

Absolutely exhausted, he kicked his shoes off and laid down, not wanting to pick himself up and walk back to his room. Everything just felt too heavy. His eyes slowly fluttered shut, no matter how hard Bucky fought against it. But it was just too heavy.

"Hey, I need to talk to you." Banner said quietly, standing in Bucky's door way.

"What?" Bucky grumbled from his spot on the bed. "If it's about checking my head, I don't want to hear it. I'm fine, he didn’t hit me that hard.”

"No, it's not that. I need to know-"

"Then what?"

"I need to know what you want to do with the fetus...the baby." He shifted his weight back and forth.

A heavy silence surrounded the two of them. "Why me?" Bucky croaked out finally.

"Well, you're the father and-"

"Don't. Don't call me that." Bucky pointed a stern finger at him Bruce stood there awkwardly, waiting for Bucky to tell him what to do. He blinked back a few tears and cleared his throat. "What do you think I should do?"

"Well, everyone else thinks you should bury him."

Him. It was a boy. Bucky was going to have a son. His son. Y/N's son. Our son.

"Then bury him."

"I think you should go."

"I don't want to."

"Bucky, please. You need to cope."

"Oh yeah, and how should I do that, doctor?" Bucky snapped back. Bruce sighed, defeated. "Go fucking burry the thing and get over it. I don't want to be there, got it?" Why was he saying this? That's not what he wanted to say.

"Okay. Sorry for bothering you." Banner exited his room in a defeated sigh, his shoulder hunched over.

Some more time ticked by before there was another knock on the door. Bucky jumped slightly as he just starting to fall asleep. He hadn't slept in about two days and it was starting to take a toll on him. The evening sun cast shadows that danced around in his dark room.

"Bruce I swear-" He opened the door and stepped back, surprised. It was Pepper. She smiled shyly at him. Bucky thinks she hasn't said more than 10 words with him since he came to live at the compound a year ago. Mostly just awkward good mornings when they came into the kitchen at the same time to get coffee. Pepper always got up early but Bucky was fed up of trying to fall asleep.

"Oh. Did...did you need something?" He asked looking down at her. Pepper wasn't as hard as everyone else at the compound, she hasn’t seen the things everyone else had. He had barely spoken to her and there were already tears forming in her eyes.

"Nat-" She cleared her throat and attempted to wipe the tears away from her eyes. "Nat and I were cleaning up Y/N's room, so it won't be a mess when she comes back. And we'll we found this." She held out some grainy pictures. Bucky wasn't sure what he was looking at.

"What are these?" He muttered, taking them from her.

"They're ultrasound pictures. I guess she knew..." She cleared her throat again, fighting back the urge to cry. "Sorry. I guess she knew about the pregnancy. Nat wanted to throw them out but I thought you should have them."

Bucky didn't know what to say. He didn't want to open his mouth and rip Peppers head off, because he knew that she was just trying to be nice. Trying to make him feel better, but honestly it was just making him feel worse. If you knew you were pregnant why did you try to kill yourself? Or is that why you tried to kill yourself?

Before he could think of what to say, a sob ripped through his chest, his knees giving out under him. Pepper moved quickly to his side and threw her small body against Bucky's, wrapping him up in a hug. She tried to hold him up the best she could, but they crumpled to the ground together.

"I'm so sorry, Bucky." She cried. Her hands grabbed the back of his shirt, like she was trying to keep him from falling apart. It wasn’t working. It felt like someone was chiseling away at his heart. He clutched the ultrasound pictures to his chest, another sob wracking through his body. He wanted Y/N. He wanted you here with him, mourning the loss of your child together. "I'm so sorry." Pepper repeated. Bucky gently pushed her away and tried to calm himself down.

"Thank you for these, Pepper." He babbled. "But I need to be alone. Please leave me alone." She shook her head at what he was saying and tried to protest. He held up his hand to stop her. “Go. Just go.” He pleaded. Finally, she left him there, sitting in the door way, holding the only pictures of his son that he would ever get.

Bucky woke up with a gasp, his clothes were soaked and sticking to his skin from his sweat and it felt like his heart was going to explode out of his chest, his stomach churning in knots. He scrambled out your bed and into the bathroom and vomited into the toilet. These fucking dreams would not leave him alone. Ever since you left that's all he was able to dream about.

He spilled his guts out a few more times before slumped down beside the toilet, he shoved his head in hands and took a few deep breathes, trying to ease his spinning head. He gagged at the taste of vomit in his mouth and spit into the toilet again. Standing up shakily, he looked at himself in the mirror that was above the sink. He hated the person looking back. He looked sick, disgusting.

Saying Bucky looked rough was an understatement. His eyes were sunken in, which were accompanied by dark bags. His hair was ratty and dull and he hadn't trimmed his beard in weeks. He had also lost weight and muscle mass from not being able to eat. He couldn't. The only thing he was able to keep down was chicken broth and he hardly even eat that. He had no desire to work out either. His metal arm, which he usually polished at least once a week was dull too. And covered in scratches from him clawing at it in the middle of the night.

Bucky sighed heavily and rinsed his mouth and face with water. Patting his face dry with a towel he realized for the first time, he was starving. He could smell someone cooking bacon down in the kitchen and it made his mouth water.

Maybe Sam was right, Bucky did need to talk about this. Or maybe Steve was the one who was right. This was all his fault. He made the first move on you. The baby was his. Everything was his fault. Maybe if he had just left you alone, none of this would have happened. He couldn’t think straight anymore, nothing made sense without you here.

He pushed his thoughts out of his head as he remade your bed. Picking up his boots from off the ground, he slowly made his way back to his room. It was a hot mess inside, more than normal. Bucky doesn't remember the last time he picked anything up. He discarded his sticky clothes and got into the shower, letting the hot water fall over his skin. He hummed contently as he washed his hair, yanking to get the knots out. While he was in there he trimmed his beard the best he could without looking in a mirror.

Getting out and rubbed the steam off the mirror and looked at himself again. His beard and his hair looked better, but his eyes still looked empty. He still felt empty. Bucky tossed on some clothes that smelled the cleanest, which happened just an old pair of sweats and a t-shirt.

Taking a deep breath he left his room, or his cave, as Sam called it, and went down to the kitchen. It seemed like everyone was there, talking and laughing together. Bucky felt an instant nauseous feeling build in his stomach as eyes fell on him. He felt like an outsider, no, he was an outsider. Always has been as always will be

"Hey, Buck." Sam greeted, pulling Bucky out of his thoughts. "There's coffee in the pot if you want some." Bucky gave him a small smile and poured himself a cup, and grabbed a few pieces of bacon and fruit that was cut up. He sat down beside Sam and cleared this throat. Sam looked down at the small amount of food that Bucky had gathered and frowned slightly, but refrained from saying anything. He should be glad he was eating at all.

"Where's Steve at this morning?" Bucky asked, taking a sip of coffee, which stung going down his throat.

"Oh, he went to visit Y/N." Sam replied nonchalantly.

"Hm." Bucky stared down at his food, which suddenly repulsed him. Maybe this was a mistake, he should have stay in his room. Sam silently cursed himself for bring you up and tried to change the conversation.

"Sleep any better last night?" Sam questioned.

"A little. Fell asleep about an hour after we got done talking." He shrugged. “Woke up a little bit ago.”

"So you slept for 14 hours?" Sam chuckled. "We got done talking at 5, so you were out for 14 hours. I'd call that pretty good sleep."

"Doesn't mean it was restful."

"It's still a good thing that you slept through the night." Sam took a bite out of his bacon. "Oh my god, I swear Vision makes the best food." He goaded. Sam was obviously trying to get Bucky to eat.

"I know." Bucky faked a smile as he couldn't shake the feeling that he was going to get sick again. The feeling suddenly got overwhelming and he suddenly stood to his feet, his chair scrapping loudly against the floor, which caused everyone to stop and look. They watched as Bucky disappeared down the hall to the bathroom.

There was nothing in Bucky's stomach for him to throw up, besides that little bit of coffee. He was now just dry heaving, spit trickling down his chin. He just wanted this to go away, why couldn't it go away? Bucky heaved into the toilet one last time before picking his head up, wiping away the spit that was now traveling down his neck. He noticed there was a slight red tinge to it.

He brought his knees up to his chest and his hands shook as he pushed his hair out of his eyes. The room was spinning, he was so dizzy. His mouth felt he had just chewed on chalk. He was a super solider, god damn it. He wasn't supposed to feel like this. Something wasn’t right.

He slowly got to his feet, hanging onto the sink for support. Slowly he made his way back to the kitchen, leaning against the wall so he wouldn’t fall over. He just needed to get to Banner. Banner would know what to do.

Back in the kitchen, Bucky could hardly see. His vision was darkening and his ears were ringing. He could feel eyes on him. Gripping the wall for support, he dry heaved again. “Bucky?” Someone asked, concern in their voice. That voice. He knew that voice.

“Y/N?” He panted, his head snapping up. The quick action made his head spin and his grip on the wall loosened. He caught a glimpse of you right before he fell on his face, vision going black, everything falling silent.

part 3

[spacedikut]

“i want to love someone and be loved” ; spencer reid - part 2

pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x f!reader

summary: spencer decides it’s time to tell you, but he needs some help. 3887 words. part 1

a/n: THIS is the longest fic ive ever written but im actually kinda proud of how it turned out? i hope this is a good sequel :)

Spencer chickens out of telling you the next day.

He avoids you all weekend, actually. You resisted texting him the day after Rossi’s because you assumed he’d be busy – with his big plan involving a girl that isn’t you. You’re not bitter – but Sunday comes around and you message him not long after you wake up and six hours later there’s no response.

Twelve hours later - there’s no response.

Monday, you don’t have time to say hello to anyone – there’s a case waiting for you, somewhere in Florida.

Reid avoids your eyes. His body language tells you something is wrong, so you assume whoever he confessed to didn’t reciprocate (they’re insane) and he’s dealing with it. So you don’t press.

Spencer pretends to sleep the entire jet ride. He’s avoiding everyone, not just you.

He spent the whole weekend beating himself up. He drove to your apartment on Saturday, sat outside for so long a neighbour knocked on his window and asked if he was lost, but couldn’t bring himself to step foot out of his car.

So he locked himself in his room, away from you and your loveliness and away from his phone because he knew you texted him and he knew you’d send some soft message about being there for him if he needs anything and he didn’t need to be reminded of how beautiful and out of reach you are.

Derek seemed to be waiting for him Monday morning, arms crossed as he held a cup of coffee. It was weird seeing him in before Spencer.

“How’d it go?” He immediately asked.

“How’d what go?” Spencer mumbles, flinging his bag on the floor by his desk. He slumps in his seat.

Derek raises a dark eyebrow, “You know what, pretty boy. You had a big thing? Big plan?”

“Didn’t work out.”

It doesn’t take a profiler to realise Spencer is very clearly saying leave me alone. Leave it alone.

Derek isn’t one to leave it alone. Especially when it comes to Spencer.

He sighs and moves a little closer to Spencer’s desk, just in case someone overhears them.

“What happened?”

“That’s exactly it,” Spencer slams open a file, “Nothing happened.”

“And why did nothing happen?”

“Because I’m an idiot that can’t even tell a girl how I feel.”

“Whoa- hey!”

Derek spins Spencer’s chair so they’re face to face. Derek takes one look in Spencer’s eyes and knows what’s going on – he got too into his head and backed out at the last minute.

“You’re not an idiot. Why didn’t you do it?”

Spencer shrugs, “I got to her apartment. I had flowers, too. I don’t know.”

Derek’s evidently concerned – Spencer’s beaten up over this, over whoever this girl is, and he deserves the chance to experience love. Spencer deserves a lot more than he himself thinks he does.

“You seemed really excited, man. You can still do it. Just cause you try once and it doesn’t work out doesn’t mean you can’t ever try again.”

Spencer stares off into the distance, accidentally ignoring Derek as his thoughts slip out of his mouth, “Yeah, it probably wouldn’t have worked anyway – I was stupid to think I could get someone like her.”

“Hey, no.” Derek nudges Spencer’s shoulder so he looks at him again, “Don’t talk like that. You’re one hell of a guy, Reid. All you gotta do is get that confidence that you had Friday night back, and you’re all set. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Spencer gives a feeble nod. Derek moves back to his desk, knowing he isn’t convinced, but he isn’t done yet.

+++

Later, in Florida, Spencer’s making a coffee in the precinct’s kitchen after waiting twenty minutes for you to leave. Luck’s on his side, for once, and you’ve been working non-stop with Prentiss going crime scene to crime scene so he hasn’t had to actively avoid you. You smile at him every chance you get, though, and it distracts him.

Someone clears their throat behind him. It’s Penelope, whom Spencer didn’t realise was invited on this case.

She looks guilty. Spencer recognises that face; the face she has when she’s done something she shouldn’t have or knows something she isn’t really supposed to. Given current circumstances, Spencer bets it’s the latter reason.

“Morgan told me something he shouldn’t have.”

Bingo.

He leans against the kitchen counter, stirring his coffee absentmindedly.

“What did he tell you?” He asks, feigning tranquillity. Inside he’s screaming non-stop.

She’s got her hands clasped together in front of her, almost innocently, and fiddles with her fingers, “He told me you needed assistance in the love department.” Before he can object, she continues, “And I am willing to do anything if it means our resident weirdo-slash-genius falls in love and gets to experience some much needed cuteness.”

There’s no point in lying to her. There’s also no point in being mad that Morgan told her about his situation – they’re kind of a package deal. And, who knows, Garcia might be able to help.

“So…” She sways, trying (and failing) to appear nonchalant, “Who’s the lucky lady?”

Spencer shuffles on the spot, scuffing his shoes against the floor. He debates whether he should tell her, since, you know, you’re in the next room over, but Spencer worries that Garcia is so good at her job she’d somehow find out through hacking Spencer’s phone, or maybe somehow hacking his dreams. His subconscious. He’s terrified of Garcia and her abilities.

“You can tell me.” She insists, “I’m much better at keeping secrets than Morgan.”

Spencer turns away from her, she steps closer, and he mumbles your name.

“What?”

“Y/N.”

“WHAT?!”

Spencer spins, hands coming up to tell Garcia to shut up and Garcia immediately covers her mouth in both shock and hopefully so she doesn’t shout again.

“Since when?!” She screeches. “How could I not have known?! Oh God, almighty Doctor Reid, I feel like I’ve failed you by not realising earlier.”

Her enthusiasm makes him smile, for the first time in far too long. Garcia has that power – this innate skill to comfort those around her and make them feel special, make them smile when the world feels like its collapsing.

“Let me help!” She requests.

Spencer’s clearly hesitant. He knows it’s a bad idea.

“Please!” She begs, “I just- I have so many ideas of how you can go about this. Let me brainstorm, get back to you, and if I’m too over-the-top you can tell me no and we’ll pretend it never happened!”

He takes a deep breath. Yes, Garcia is the definition of over-the-top, but that’s one of his favourite things about her. It’s your favourite thing, too. And he did tell Morgan he had big plans. Anything involving Garcia is a big plan with big payoff.

“This is between us.”

“I’ll take it to the grave. Unless you realise how amazing my ideas are and use one to tell Y/N how you feel and then years later I get to commend myself during my maid of honour speech at your wedding.”

She looks ecstatic, hands now together under her jaw as her eyes twinkle. Spencer can’t help but laugh at her eagerness.

+++

The next day, the team returns to Quantico after a semi-successful case. The general mood is good and Morgan invites everyone out for drinks – Spencer declines, but you have your first full conversation since last Friday.

“C’mon, Spence,” Your head rests against the jet seat and you blink sleepily at him, “I feel like I haven’t spoken to you for years!”

Spencer gives you a small smile, “I promised my mom I’d call her tonight. Sorry, Y/N.”

You nod in understanding, “Will you tell her I say hi?”

“Of course. She loves you.”

You grin at eachother, immediately lost in your own world. You’ve missed him more than you realised, and you have no idea what’s going through his head, but you’re happy that you’ve had this – a Spencer Reid smile that makes you feel at home and on top of the world simultaneously.

Spencer has to tear his eyes away before he blurts something stupid, like she’s not the only one that loves you.

+++

“Spencer!” Garcia greets, Cheshire cat grin on her face. “I need to see you in my dungeon, please. Immediately.”

Spencer drops the file he’s holding. Unfortunately, Penelope’s request caught the attention of the whole team.

“What business do you have in the villain’s lair, Reid?” Derek asks. You’ve looked up from your computer, Emily smirking and leaning back in her chair in expectation.

“Uh…”

“Important nerd business. Go away.” Garcia says, eyes narrow as she tugs Spencer’s hand. He’s whisked away from any further questioning, leaving the befuddled team behind.

He isn’t sure what to expect when he stumbles into Penelope’s second home, but the display in front of him explains why he overheard a conversation about missing evidence boards earlier. Penelope’s obviously been using the new printer in her cave to her advantage – there’s at least twenty different pictures printed out on one board titled “date ideas”, then the board on the right has a picture of Spencer and you in the centre with a perfectly drawn heart around it. Under and around that is a mixture of love quotes, including song lyrics and quotes directly from romantic movies. He notices “The Parliament of Fowls” on there – Garcia remembers that he mentioned it’s considered the first Valentines poem?

“Whoa,” Is all he can say.

“I know it’s a little intense,” Garcia squirms, “But! I started scrolling through Pinterest and couldn’t stop. I don’t know what came over me, maybe some type of love deity, but I started thinking about you and Y/N in a classic love film in, like, black and white and I…”

She’s out of breath from animatedly explaining.

Spencer laughs through his nose, almost a scoff, but he’s impressed. He shouldn’t have expected anything else from the Penelope Garcia.

As Spencer wanders towards the first board, Garcia follows him like a shadow, “My personal favourite is-“ She points to a picture of chocolate fondue with faceless people in very little clothing, “-this one.”

Spencer awkwardly clears his throat when he begins to think of you and him like that.

“A little much for your declaration of love, though, I get it,” Garcia nods.

He scans the board – heart speeding up when he moves from idea to idea and picturing you and him in each one. He can’t help but think no, that one would be good for our anniversary – ah, she’d love to do that one for her birthday.

“What’re you thinking?” Garcia asks quietly. She knows his brain is whirring like her computer drive, so she approaches him gently.

“This one.” He says. “Where should we do it?”

Garcia grins behind him. The one he’s referring to shows a dinner table set up outside, brown wooded table with white wooden chairs opposite eachother. There’s flowers at the centre, a bottle of wine already poured in each glass in front of a basket of cookies, and the area around is shrouded by shrubbery, fairy lights hanging delicately from every-which-way.

It’s perfect. You love fairy lights, Spencer loves cookies, and the set-up looks private enough for Spencer to feel confident when he empties his heart and soul to you.

“The roof.” Garcia says wistfully.

“We have access to that?”

“Yes.” They both know they don’t. “Leave it to me. Oh… one more thing.” She adds, hesitantly, “Can Morgan help? I’m a lot of things, including emotionally strong and your love guru, but physically I’m gonna need some assistance.”

Spencer doesn’t even need to agree – Morgan’s gonna involve himself no matter what.

+++

Five o’clock is quickly approaching and you’re slumped over your desk, lost in your work. You need to be lost in it, because ever since Garcia released Spencer from her office right after lunch he’s been sneaking glances at you (he’s not sneaky) and has made several attempts to approach you but decided against it, sharply turning and pretending he meant to go another way instead.

You are beyond confused. You assume it’s to do with the girl he’s been trying to get over – you hope he’s been trying to build the confidence to tell you exactly what happened and maybe, you really hope, he’ll invite you over for the weekend so you can slip back into your old routine.

“Psst.”

You assume they’re not trying to get your attention, so you don’t move.

“Psst!”

You still don’t move.

“Y/N!”

Your head snaps up to Spencer leaning over the divider between your desks. He looks alarmed – which is odd, given he’s the one who called you – and he opens and closes his mouth a few times before he finally speaks.

“Are you busy tonight?” He sits back and, if he wasn’t so goddamn tall, all you’d be able to see would be his eyes. His added height means you can see his eyes and his nose. You wanna kiss it.

You smile – this is an olive branch, “I am completely available for whatever it is you might need.”

You sound incredibly eager, which you are. You miss him.

His cheeks move upwards, a smile, “Can I talk to you, later, on the roof? Uh-“ He clears his throat, “-I need to tell you something.”

You raise an eyebrow, “You’re not gonna push me off, right?”

“No,” He laughs.

“Promise me.”

Now he guffaws, “I would never, Y/N!”

“Promise me, Reid!”

“Alright, alright! I promise!” He’s jokingly raising his hands in a form of surrender.

You give him another smile and turn back to your work. You feel at ease, now, thinking he’s finally gonna tell you what happened on the weekend – finally you’ll be able to help him and go back to normal.

Spencer, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of ease. He’s about to pour his heart out to you.

He takes a deep breath and looks back to his computer, which is open on a tab titled “How to Tell Someone You Like Them.”

Step 3: Be Confident.

Spencer opens a new tab and searches, “How to be confident.”

+++

Garcia hacks into Spencer’s computer to open a document and type that the roof is ready. She wishes him luck, tells him she loves him, and calls dibs on being the godmother of your future children. As if she doesn’t have enough godchildren as it is.

He clears his throat and your head snaps towards him. You’ve been done for a while, playing Tetris on your phone, waiting for Spencer to take you to the roof where he swears he won’t kill you – you’re not entirely convinced.

“Um-“ He scratches his neck, “You ready to go?”

You nod and give him a weak smile in hopes it gives him some type of reassurance.

“Whatever happened, it’s okay, Spence.”

All he does is nod in return, gathering his coat and bag. He doesn’t really register what you say, or he would’ve been very confused.

You follow him up to the roof. The elevator ride is silent and Spencer is jittery; his hands twitch and tap against his legs, he’s bouncing on his toes and he keeps looking at you through the corner of his eye. You’ve taken several deep breaths to calm your racing heart – you hate heights, and this is the closest you’ve been to Spencer in a week. This will be the longest conversation you’ve had with him in a week, too.

The second the doors open, Spencer leaps in front of you.

“Wait!”

You jump back in surprise, “What? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Completely fine. Just… when we get there, let me explain first, okay? Before you say anything.” He’s pleading, as if you’ve already told him no. You look at him with furrowed brows and mumble an ‘okay’.

You’re visibly confused as you trek up the flight of stairs to the roof. Spencer pushes open the fire door and the first thing you notice is how bright the roof is – you always assumed it’d be dark, little light, especially at night like this.

Wait.

There’s fairy lights… everywhere. You’re pretty sure this isn’t the norm for the FBI roof.

Spencer is equally as awed at what he sees before him - it’s exactly the photo he saw in Garcia’s cave brought to life, but he’s too distracted by you to fully appreciate it. You look like a child on Christmas; eyes wide, pupils blown, mouth slightly agape. You’re gorgeous.

“What…is this, Spence?” You wonder, noticing the set table, fingers grazing the roses that sit in a vase in the middle. They’re fresh and smell wonderful.

He stands a little behind you, fiddling with his hands, and clears his throat, “Would you like to take a seat?”

You do. When he finally sits, he pours you a glass of wine and you immediately take an anxious sip. Although Rossi is a big fan of wine, you rarely take interest in it only when Spencer’s involved. You’ve come to associate wine with him – a smile peeks out from your glass as you stare at the man opposite you.

“I need to get something off my chest. But there’s cookies, if you want one,” He picks one up from his plate, breaking it in half and giving it to you. He’s stalling, but you seem to take the bait and bite into it.

“Are these from the bakery two blocks away?”

“Yeah,” He replies, but he isn’t really paying attention. He doesn’t know where to begin.

You wait patiently for him to open up. You’re still unsure of what to make of all of this – the beautiful setting, the wine, the flowers, the lights. God, the lights are dazzling in the Virginia night sky. You need context, and you need it now.

“Spence-“

“Listen.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, I just…” He trails off, “I need to say what I need to say before I back out again.”

You fold your hands in your lap. You’re ready for whatever’s to come.

“Do you know how long we’ve known eachother?” He asks. His head tilts like a puppy.

“Nearly five years. Our friendaversary is coming up, you know.”

You realise, then, that this must be a celebration for that – that explains the… typically romantic setting. Before you can open your mouth to ask if that what’s this is, Spencer speaks.

“Four years, three-hundred and sixty days. That’s how long we’ve known eachother.”

“If we were dating, we would’ve been my longest relationship the second we passed a year.”

You don’t know why you said it, but it flusters him. He has to pause to take a breath and collect his thoughts.

“I’ve been in love with you for four years and three hundred and fifty-eight days, Y/N.”

It’s silent as you process and he figures out how to continue.

“I knew you were special when you were introduced to us. Hotch already had such a soft spot for you, and you had this way about you that made us all fall in love instantly. I remember Garcia did a background check the second she found out your name and she said you remind her of me and I… that freaked me out, to be honest. I thought you’d try to replace me.” He huffs a laugh, but can’t bring himself to look you in the eye, “I realised I was in love with you when you drunkenly defended me. Do you remember that?” His eyes flicker to yours for half a second – you’re wide-eyed, “You’d known me for two days at that point, but we’d already done a case together so we were celebrating. And these guys at the bar were whispering about me, acting like I couldn’t hear them, and the second you realised what was happening you stood up, stormed towards them and gave them a piece of your mind. It was incredible.

“You barely knew me, at least personally, but you thought so highly of me you scolded a group of drunk bodybuilders without a second thought. You made them apologise – it was hysterical watching someone half their size force them into submission like that – and when you were done you asked if I wanted to leave and go get ice cream. We couldn’t, cause you vomited on the way there, but I knew in that moment I loved you and I feel so hard, so quickly, I didn’t know what to do. And you never… you never indicated you thought of me as anything other than a friend so I didn’t try. Then you dated Greg who, in my opinion, sucked on his best days, and you encouraged me to date Abigail and I…”

He’s run out of breath and of things to say.

“I just love you, Y/N. I’m in love with you.” He adds, “I hope that’s okay.”

He finally looks at you, then. You’re just staring and he panics when he can’t make out what you’re feeling. He’s always been able to read you, you’ve always hated the saying that eyes are the windows to the soul because your eyes are always your tell, but now they’re… glassy.

You’re crying.

“Spencer…” You gasp, throat tight.

“It’s okay.” Spencer gives a tight-lipped smile. He knows what’s coming. He should’ve expected it. He has been expecting it.

“I love you too, Spence.”

Spencer chokes on air. He takes a gulp of wine.

You give him a teary smile in disbelief, “I’ve always loved you, Spence. I thought you knew that – I thought that big brain of yours knew exactly how I felt and… you didn’t do anything about it so I thought you didn’t feel the same. Spencer…”

He slowly moves a hand to place it palm-up on the table. Immediately you place your hand in his, your grip tight as you lovingly stare at him. This feels unreal.

“I’m in love with you too, you idiot.” You half laugh, half cry, “If you’ve really loved me this long, we’ve wasted so much time! God, we’re both idiots.”

Spencer’s crying too, now, and he starts laughing with you.

You’re two idiots in love, sitting opposite eachother on the roof of your place of work in a dream-like surrounding filled with fairy lights and flowers, and you could’ve been doing this for years.

Spencer sniffles, looking at you through his wet eyelashes, “Would you like to be my girlfriend?”

“If I say yes, will I get more dates like this?” You tease.

“Well, Garcia has a whole evidence board of date ideas she stole from Pinterest. We have enough ideas to last a lifetime.” He giggles.

“Penny was in on this?!”

Spencer gives a heh, “This is all thanks to her, so yeah.”

“She’s always had our backs.”

“She’s also now going to be convinced she’s cupid.”

You laugh again, and can’t help yourself when you lean across the table, still gripping Spencer’s hand, and letting your lips fall on his. Spencer leans into you, lips moving against yours as you both try to suppress grins.

You pull back slightly, Spencer’s lips following you, and whisper, “I would love to be your girlfriend.”

He kisses you again. And again. And again, just cause he can.

Big plan, big payoff. You’re worth every little stress and more.

[nb-n0v4]

okay i gotta know, whats the observer's Lore.. they look so cool i wanna know more abt them!!

oooh ok *rubs hands together*

this got surprisingly long so under a cut it goes!

So! Firstly, he is in fact for another dr who AU, which will surprise no one who's been on my blog longer than 5 minutes. Basically what he came from was, I've always been fascinated with the concept of like, eldritch and cosmic horror and specifically cosmic horrors attempting to blend in with humanity (or in this case human-adjacent beings lmao)

So that's what the Observer is! He's a cosmic being that, upon finding itself being hunted by the Time Lords, decided to hide itself right under their noses by weaving itself into and taking over the timeline of the Doctor with the reasoning that, with it's foresight as a near omnipotent entity, it knows that then they couldn't get rid of it without basically destabilizing the universe.

I always planned on having him be uncanny valley, since I really enjoy the trope of something trying just a little too hard to be human and coming off as vaguely horrifying because of it, and then I watched the mandala catalogue and then I really got ideas.

The Observer as I've drawn it now is one that has no need to hide from the Time Lords at present, since they've been locked away in their pocket dimension post time-war. I like to think that it was kinda slow in getting to the point of how he looks and stuff now, with it slowly becoming more obvious as the regenerations go on that something ain't quite right, as he starts to become more aware of his, I guess, second nature.

Cause the thing is he didn't truly awaken to what he was until he looked into the untempered schism, and even after that it took a while to fully comprehend what that meant, and honestly even now he hasn't fully grasped it. It's an interesting situation of being aware that he's cosmically and dimensionally much bigger than he seems but being too limited in some ways to fully experience it. Him attempting to fully comprehend the bigger more cosmic part of himself is difficult at best and downright impossible at worst.

It leads to a lot of funky moments of depersonalization/disassociation and he's got a bunch of piercings that I haven't drawn him with yet and like fidget rings and stuff to help with that, as well as some tats.

There are a lot of moments where it leaks through though, and I spent a lot of time wondering like, what are things that could be uncanny about him without it being super obvious yknow, and eventually I landed on a couple of things.

Firstly, and most noticeably, he got too many got dang teeth. If I ever bothered to count them it's supposed four extra on the top and bottom. He's also got no canines, but other than that his teeth are normal.

The second thing is that shadows tend to act weird around him. they group heavy around his eyes and sometimes his shadow seems to move by itself.

Third is that his face is totally symmetrical, and his measurements are like, too proportional. Like y'know how when you draw figures there are base rules for roughly what you could expect the width of the shoulders, length of the arms and legs, etc. to be? His are like, perfectly proportional. this is least likely to show up in my work cause I'm definitely not that good lmao

and finally, his pupils! They're always super dilated, and I actually have a reason for this one! I can't remember where I read it, I think it may have been on the wiki, but I remembered seeing that Time Lords basically can dilate/contract their pupils consciously, which like, wack. And the Observer doesn't rely to heavily on outside stimuli cause he's got the whole higher being thing going on and it kinda fucks with his sensory processing something awful on a good day. So he doesn't rely on input from his eyes to see much, instead relying on timelines and shit, which means he doesn't really keep track of his eyes/keeps em covered so, big-ass pupils.

no this isn't just an excuse to project my sensory processing onto a character what are you talking about haha

Anyway this got super fucking long but in terms of like, story lore, I may write some snippets but there's definitely a heavier pull towards sci-fi horror with this dude, with a decent amount of analogue horror just for funsies ❤️electronics from before the 30th century tend to go haywire around him, which is always fun. Y'know, incomprehensible messages that may or may not drive you to madness if you listen/look at them for too long flashing on glitching screens and leaking out of the nearby radio.

He does admittedly lean into this a little bit, since he does find it kinda funny to watch people get creeped out, but he usually dials it back before any real harm is done. Unless someone pisses him off. I have a whole scene rattling around in this old noggin of a kidnapped Rose and Jack, a very angry Observer, and a compound wide intercom that hey, the weird grabled noises in the background of him talking aren't getting louder . . . are they?

[blushing-starker]

Anon asked for alpha Peter and omega Tony for a baby announcement. Thank you to the wonderful @vaguekiwi for motivating me and sharing her thoughts on the story. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did, anon.

"Tony, Tony? Are you up? It's 7:30am already, you have a meeting with Miss Potts in forty minutes. Tony?"

Soft hands curl into already silver hair, scratching at the strands in an attempt to wake him up gently. Butterfly kisses on a cold nape, a ridiculously hot nose nuzzling everywhere. Peter knows scenting the billionaire is basically the only way one can ensure a calm morning.

Not today. And not for the next few months either.

He loves his husband, appreciates the nearly romantic demeanor, he does. But "unless you have a cup of coffee for me, there is no way in hell i am gonna leave this bed. your child has kept me up with nausea the entire night. I wanna hurl my guts out more than that time Rhodes found Dad's liquor cabinet. please, tell me you have coffee."

"..." Tony is severely displeased by the fact he can read Peter like a book even with half his mind shut off because fine, he's right and dammit all.

"I want that weird drink you make. The one with milk, cinnamon and chunks of brownie. And French toast with waffles. No jam, not too much butter, as much sugar as possible. Now, go before I scream at you for having the only dick that could get a hormone fucked forty something omega pregnant. "

The kid scrambles from bed, practically face plants with all the covers tangling long legs and yup, this is the person that the universe designated as his soulmate. Because Tony Stark can never have a partner with a reasonable, normal amount of enthusiasm, stamina and a sense of balance.

That sounds like he's ungrateful, he's not. But it turns out being three months pregnant gives him plenty of perspective to peer at life in a whole new way that does not include caffeine, alcohol or sex.

Would he kill and die for this amazing human being that makes Tony's heart race no matter the day, that inspires him to be a better version of himself? Yes, no questions asked. No hesitation and no regret.

Would he clobber Peter for doing the impossible and technically causing Tony incredible discomfort on a daily basis thanks to what his doctors can only assume is a superhuman baby he already loves and adores more than life itself? Also yes.

Things aren't mutually exclusive in this household.

Pep, bless her, has yet to find out about their future mini Parker so there's been no respite on the whole 'running a multi billion dollar industry ' thing. And yeah, while it's not exactly easy, he can focus on other things and not fall into a panicky state of mind — because him? A father? Of a super baby? Tony Stark, infamous playboy with a hedonistic streak, a dad?

Just thinking along those lines makes shame and self doubt slither over a metallic plate. Working, dealing with innovative scientists, crafting the new world of tomorrow, guaranteeing the safety of their planet, shapeshifting into a role model, a mentor (for the interns and school kids he visits, not Peter, of course, thank God they left that dynamic ages ago), loyal friend, reluctant errand boy (fuck the assholes in charge of the Accords), great husband, good man, it all distracts a fearful child from thinking, what if I turn into Howard?

"I couldn't find brownies, so cookies it is! Aunt May had a few boxes sent in when I told her work was keeping you on your feet all the time. Said it'd be a good idea to snack along the day in case you—" Peter freezes, tenses with a not-so-narrow back held ramrod straight. Oh, his husband brought him breakfast in bed.

How could he ever think to clobber such a nice, wonderful—

"Your scent is odd."

"Yeah, well fuck you too then."

Five seconds of silence.

"I'm bringing you one cup of coffee and the hormone pills."

" Yup, that's a great idea. "

---------------------------

Tony’s mumbo jumbo with self loathing is firmly put on the back burner after inhaling a delicious breakfast and chugging that one glorious cup of coffee. Until they go to the bathroom and he sees himself in the mirror.

"We gotta tell them."

"You said you wanted to wait a while before saying anything."

Peter strips, ducks into the warm shower, lets out a pleased little sigh and Tony wants to rip his fingernails off. Is it bad, having sex while pregnant? No! The doctors, every single one of them, said it's a perfectly normal thing to do. It'd be bad if they didn't have sex because Tony, thanks to his crazy hormone production, needs the extra attention for his body to understand this is a happy process that shouldn't include sad pheromones or stressed out moments. Will Peter put him out of his misery and allow a quickie in the mornings? No.

"Take more than five minutes in that shower and I'm joining you."

Listen, he grew up in the 80's and 90's, Tony wasn't immune to peer pressure. Did he cave and eventually do so many squat competitions with Rhodey his butt turned into a duck's butt? There's no evidence, he's made sure, but yes. And Starks have always turned out to be beautiful, doesn't matter your gender or age. Finding a companion for the night has never been a problem for anyone in his family tree.

That, and his work as Iron Man has kept him — well, not ripped like Cap, certainly not as lean and (God help him) athletic as Peter, but fit. Sturdy. Firm. Solid. (Peter once muttered the words 'daddy-like' in regards to his body and he nearly choked on water.)

The passage of time has made him a bit slower, dusted once black hair with, as his husband says, stardust and the corners of his eyes now show how much time Tony spends laughing or frowning. All in all, he looks fucking spectacular for his age and experience as a villain-punching-bag. Thing is, he has a belly. A bump. A curve where it was once, well. Less curvy. Is it a problem for Peter? Nope, as acknowledged every time his alpha tackles him if he so much as looks oddly in the mirror. Is it a problem for him? He'll get back to you on that.

The point is, there's a belly when just a few months ago there wasn't such a pronounced belly. It's great, of course. Proof their child is growing steadily and Tony's body is adjusting to it accordingly. A small part of him, the omega part he actually lets live, is fascinated and proud. He's doing that, Tony's the one growing a human being, creating life out of nothing in his own body. That child, although not the only physical embodiment of their relationship, is a result of his love for Peter. Of how much his husband loves him. They love each other so much they're gonna start another family together. That chokes him up a bit, reminds him how grateful he is for Peter and for the other Avengers. If they hadn't been so accepting of his status, would he have ever considered going through with this?

Anyway, he's not gonna start sobbing this early in the morning when there's no alcohol involved. It's fantastic seeing his child develop, good, warm and fuzzy feelings, yada yada yada, it's also not very easy to hide. And Tony...Tony wanted to hide it from his family because.

Because Peter hasn't been the only partner in all his life that has wondered about a future with a white picket fence. Because when he was Peter's age, in his goddamn prime, a doctor, ten doctors, all the doctors told him the same thing, smashed his dream into a million pieces. Tony was nearly infertile. There was a one in a million chances of him getting pregnant. If he did, they couldn't be sure his body would be able to maintain two hearts. And then the cave happened.

So yeah. It happened to his cousins, his aunt, a few uncles, his grandmother. Tony would do a baby announcement, but only the second that baby was outside of him and safely in his arms. Now there are still several months left and nothing certain. But time is a bitch and beginning to show the world, maybe those extra pounds aren't from eating the Parker's amazing breakfasts.

"Tony, you know I don't wanna risk-" Losing control of my strength. They've been together long enough that Tony can see quite clearly between the lines.

"Hurting us, yeah, I know, I understand. I'm getting too wide, we're gonna have to tell them or Natasha will take one look at me and whoops, impromptu announcement from someone else. It's a miracle she was out on those missions when we found out." Thank God for renegade troops.

He's still looking at himself in the mirror when Peter comes out, barely dries up and slides behind him. His husband is slightly taller now, can easily hook a curved jaw on Tony's shoulder to peer at the image they make. Contrasts, he supposes, have always enthralled Tony. The study of light and shadow. Variations of the same basic components. Where his body is aging, showing signs of wear and tear, Peter's is evolving into something beautiful, majestic. Silver hair, chestnut brown. Scarred canvas, silky smooth and sunkissed skin. Soft, fragile curves, chiseled lines that deserve to be revered more than Michelangelo’s David. But their eyes, their eyes are equally tired.

“We can tell them if you want, have dinner together and just, just say it. Like that -”

“No. It's our kid, we're not gonna act like it's ripping off a band aid. This is special, unique. Dinner is good. Fantastic, actually. Wait for dessert, and announce it. “ Peter comes ever closer, wraps arms that could carry the world around him and how did he get so lucky?

They've lied to each other in the past. Mostly in the beginning, when they were too worried about hurting their new relationship to show their desires and wants. Tony didn't explain the Training Wheels Protocol. Peter tried to fight high level crime on his own. Things got hard to understand, like being in the right place at the wrong time. Puzzle pieces that didn't quite fit together, an extra inch of space prohibiting them from seeing all the possibilities that the truth could bring. They were walking the same path, just in parallel lines that never crossed.

But then he'd been rejected, thrown away and able to realize how fucking stupid it was to let Peter go when being near the kid, it felt like finally breathing after residing in the deep end of a pool for a thousand years. So Tony ran after him one day, crashed into his AP English class, half assed an excuse for the baffled teacher, yanked Peter out of the room and proceeded to have the best make out session of his life with his back against the kid's locker. And now they don't lie, ever.

Which is why it's so hard to accept Peter's, “You're beautiful, Tony. The handsomest man I've ever seen in my life. I loved you before, I love you now, I'll love you forever, Anthony Stark. You carrying our kid doesn't change that, how could it, Tony? It's going to be ok. The three of us will be ok and I won't stop thanking whoever decided I'd get to marry my wet dream.”

Scorching kisses trace his pulse point slowly, sharp nails start dragging against a too thin shirt, but it's the fact that Peter hasn't looked away from him, is confidently holding his gaze through the glass, that makes Tony shudder and stop breathing.

The bathroom is flooded with pheromones, cinnamon and honey assaulting an unprepared billionaire, and he'll die if they stay like this, can't function properly, brain switching gears, trying valiantly to remember baseball stats, past wounds, May's cooking because Peter's gonna wreck his sanity if those hands keep winding down, if those lips don't stop unraveling him like a Christmas present.

“If I'd known you'd get this handsy and romantic, I would have complained about how I look earlier." It's a gasp, half murmur, half plea as Peter grins at him shamelessly. “I know it's rude and wrong and sexist, but I like comforting my omega, acting like a stereotypical alpha. Makes me feel like I'm doing my job of making you happy. “

He quirks an eyebrow, is glad Peter can be comfortable enough to take the reins every once in a while. “You're telling me that assuring me I'm still drop dead gorgeous, “ his husband snorts, nips at Tony's shoulder for that quip, “ makes you horny because you feel like an alpha comforting, and I quote, ‘your omega’? “

Peter reverts back to the shy teenager who could barely ask a girl out to the homecoming dance, ducks his head into Tony’s neck with a blush quickly spreading over damp skin. “Well, I've got news for you, sweetheart. Your wet dream also thoroughly enjoys it so you better break tradition and have sex with me to remind me I'm the hottest man you've ever seen. "

He's actually serious about this, his self esteem hasn't exactly been, you know, the best and Tony's mood always improves significantly after playing around in bed with Peter. Besides, it's a sign of trust. Peter won't hurt him or their child, will be able to hold back his strength. He always does.

Listen, it's not exactly moral, but he has more than enough problems to go ahead and analyze his attraction and dependency on Peter while pregnant.

“So, I can distract you from your bad thoughts by acting sort of possessive and taking you to bed? " Oh, he adores when his husband is afraid of showing a new side of himself and asks for permission ever so sweetly.

“Babe, if you don't, I'll kick you out of the apartment. Give me possessive Peter Parker any day you want, like I'm gonna complain about a gorgeous, brilliant twenty something year old all over me. Now what's it gonna be, alpha dear, bathroom or bedroom? I wouldn't mind the tile but, oh God, I forgot you could pick me up." Tony clings to broad shoulders, can't help but laugh because aren't they a pair?

-------------------------

After having what he's sure was the best sex of his life, Tony stumbles out of the bedroom with torn clothes, a dazed look in his eyes and several bruises blossoming around his neck. Peter's halfway out the doorway when Tony whistles, makes sure all their family is paying attention, blurts out, “Peter and I are having a kid. I'm pregnant, woohoo, it's great, it's amazing, save your congratulations for later. We'll do a proper thing soon, if anyone interrupts and they're not dying, I'll kill you myself. See you in a few hours, " and yanks him back in while Friday activates Sock on the Doorknob Protocol.

Rhodey and Nat clink glasses while waiting on the others to pay up on their bets regarding Tony and Peter's odd behavior.

--------------------------

Later, much later, like, two days later, they have a proper dinner with their family in the tower. There are balloons and streamers, cake and ice cream, warm hugs and gentle cheek kisses, subtle tears and full on weeping (Happy had to borrow a box of Kleenex), pictures and videos and a pile of gifts taller than Tony.

The most important thing, though, is that the A.I recorded the reaction after Clint asked about baby names. He's grateful they went to the doctor before tonight. The visit revealed a treasure Tony thought he'd never have. Now it's time to reveal it to their pack.

His husband snuggles up to him, is so ecstatic the whole dining room smells like cinnamon and honey, like joyous love he'll never get enough of. Tony grins at him, curls their hands together and repeats the same thing over and over again in his head.

It'll be ok. They'll be ok. If the universe keeps giving Tony the greatest gifts he could ever want, maybe it's time he stopped looking at the horse's mouth. That's how it goes, right? Right.

He turns to look at Peter, loves him so much it aches, feels tiny feet pressing against his stomach. Guesses he's not the only one smitten with this incredible human being.

“We were thinking Marie,” Peter smiles at him, eyes lit up and lovely.

Tony is never going to forget this moment, this warmth in his chest.

“And Benjamin Parker-Stark.”

Their family loses their shit and both Friday and Karen have ample proof.

(@puppypeter look, omega tones! @tonystarkisaslut thank you so much for allowing me to use the prompt board! I am still accepting prompts! Although I can't guarantee getting them ready within a few days, I'll try to finish them on the one week mark depending on how long the fic is!)

[monsterkissed]

For the ask meme: 4, 14, 19, 30, 33, 36, 40. GREEDY, I KNOW

@mistytpednaem

4 was already covered, slightly shortening this monster answer to the relief of everyone.

14. Write and share the first sentence of a new fic. Just that.

Donatella Una thinks exactly three things, sitting in the doctor's office as he tells her very patiently that she is going to die.

19. Share a snippet from a wip without giving any context for it.

Something screeched overhead and rattled Doppio out of his contemplation. He jumped and turned as a shadow passed over him, low and dark. A falcon swooped up and perched itself on the gate he had just passed through, peering down at him with bright eyes. It wore a little hat and a scarf, which even in Doppio’s dubious memory of things seemed unusual.

“Hello,” he said, giving the bird a little wave.

The bird did not respond.

“I like your clothes. You gotta be somebody’s pet, huh? Are you lost?” The bird continued to regard him in silence and Doppio laughed. “I guess you’re not the talking kind of bird. Or maybe just not too good at answering questions.” He mused on its plumage, then nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure I read somewhere that parrots and ravens and stuff are a lot smarter than hawks.”

The bird did not answer, but Doppio became abruptly certain that it’s gaze had become distinctly colder. Birds do not usually have particularly expressive faces, but in this case the look it gave him was highly evocative. It might have said something like, “Once, things like you were only small, fluffy, frightened sorts of creatures, and things like me were cold-blooded dragons that swallowed you in multitudes, and those days are not so far off as you might think.” Doppio was quite sure that the air temperature had dropped a few degrees.

30. Describe a fic that almost happened, but then it didn't.

Oh this is difficult. I don't usually have things in halfway stages? Either something is a vague idea I haven't thought much about, or it's something I have actually worked on a lot and fully intend to finish. Sometimes things get modified, though? I was going to write something about a certain awful pink individual's mother, but that's now mostly been devoured into a certain awful pink wip's bottomless maw. I did have a part 3 fic I was working one and got far enough to be doing edits on and then just kind of stopped, though honestly if I went back and looked over it I'd probably actually find it not too bad. I also have a persona 1 fic that is Way older that I had forgotten for so long that I legitimately assumed I must have posted it at some point and forgotten, that one might genuinely be lost media bc it's old enough that my writing has probably moved far beyond it.

33. Give your writing a compliment.

I read it for fun. There are some particular lines or dialogue scenes or jokes or turns of phrase that make me think "Damn I wish I could write like that" and that's a very weird feeling to have when you did in fact write like that.

36. How do you come up with fic titles? What's the one you're most proud of?

JJBA is very handy bc that answer is I scroll thru my music library until I find something that fits. But I am particularly fond of Being No One, Going Nowhere because it honestly works far better than that kind of lazy method could possibly deserve. And it's from a band rec'd to me by the partners, so it has sentimental value uwu

40. Write a 9-word fic.

On his deathbed Giorno tells her: "Start running, now."

Incredibly cruel to force me to be concise honestly. I'm just shocked I didn't do a joke.

[haus-seeblick]

Suptober Day 6: “Who Brings a Gun to a Cemetery?”

For Day 6: Cemetery Boys

Rating: General Audiences; Ship: Pre-Destiel; WC: 3,219

POV Outsider (Original Male Character); full tags on AO3 or below the cut.

Summary: Jerry Wallace has seen a lot of satanic rituals. A lot. Candles and daggers, pentagrams, hoods and chanting; you name it, he’s seen it. As the head of security — and only guard — of Sullivan Cemetery, he’s bound to have run into the occasional devil worshipper. It doesn’t even faze him anymore. There’s not much Jerry Wallace hasn’t seen.

In which: Jerry Wallace encounters Dean Winchester, supposed Satanist.

On AO3 Here (or read under the cut!)

Full Tags: POV Outsider, This poor cemetery guard doesn't know what to do about Dean Winchester, Dean seems insane, BAMF Castiel, Early Seasons Dean and Cas, Pre-Relationship Dean and Cas, Pre-Friendship Dean and Cas, somehow they still manage to flirt though, POV Character is briefly threatened by Dean Winchester but it all ends OK,Humor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jerry Wallace has seen a lot of satanic rituals. A Iot. Candles and daggers, pentagrams, hoods and chanting; you name it, he’s seen it. As the head of security — and only guard — of Sullivan Cemetery, he’s bound to have run into the occasional devil worshipper (and worse. People dig up graves for really unsavory reasons). It doesn’t even faze him anymore. There’s not much Jerry Wallace hasn’t seen.

But tonight, as he sweeps his flashlight back and forth across the dewy grass, making his rounds and sipping on his steaming coffee, something stops him short. He narrows his eyes and cocks his head to listen. There’s a scuffling sound up ahead, from just outside the Bennett mausoleum. It sounds too big to be any of the usual animals. Humans, then. Jerry sighs. He was hoping for a quiet night, so he could make himself comfortable under the lamp at the cemetery entrance and read the book his teenage son, Andrew, had lent him. Cemetery Boys, it’s called. Jerry finds it fitting.

A man’s rough voice rings out from around the corner of the mausoleum. “Dammit, Sam, you can’t give me any hints?”

Jerry blinks at the audacity. Who sneaks into a cemetery at night and doesn’t even try to be quiet about it? He decides to give these particular satanists a little scare, just to teach them a lesson. He switches off his flashlight and gently sets his precious cup of coffee on top of the nearest headstone. Time to have some fun.

He sneaks on silent feet across the grass, clutching his flashlight tight in hand and deciding which tactic he wants to use. The reliable old jump scare? Flashlight beam to the face and an earsplitting yell — it’s worked well on thrill-seeking teenagers in the past. Or the more tricky option, creeping around and making ghostly sounds to unnerve the trespassers so thoroughly that they leave? More time investment, but also more amusing in the long run — Jerry decides on Option Two.

The wall of the mausoleum gives him excellent cover to start his performance. He sidles up along it, to the very edge. The intruders are just around the corner, and it sounds like one of them’s rummaging around in a bag of some sort. Jerry rolls his eyes. Probably some weirdos with spray paint, here to deface the walls of the mausoleum with symbols that take ages to wash off. Jerry opens his mouth and is about to emit his first long, ghostly moan, when the same voice as before pipes up again.

“Picking the lock didn’t work, Sam, I’m telling you, it’s gonna take longer. You gotta hold her off.”

The other person — Sam — doesn’t reply, though. Jerry furrows his brow. Who’s being held off? He decides to get a better picture of the scene before initiating his plan. Very slowly, he pokes just the right side of his face around the corner. The front of the small white building is washed in moonlight, the nearest lamp a ways down the path.

There’s a man crouched outside the mausoleum, maybe in his late twenties, from what Jerry can tell in the low light. He’s wearing an oversized leather jacket over a patterned shirt, with jeans and sturdy-looking boots. His short hair is spiked a bit in the front.

He doesn’t look like a satanist. Jerry stays very still, breathing shallowly and watching.

The man has both hands in a medium-sized duffel bag, rooting around. The contents of the bag are clanging and thudding. With a triumphant exhale, the man stands up, crowbar in hand. Jerry balks. This is already a step beyond chanting and spray paint. Again, nothing he hasn’t seen before, though.

What Jerry couldn’t see while the man was crouched, that now makes itself clear, is that he has a mobile phone pressed between his shoulder and ear. As the man advances on the door with the crowbar, he barks into the phone, “Update, Sammy. You still kicking?”

Jerry can’t make out Sam’s muffled response, but it obviously displeases the man, because he whacks the crowbar against the mausoleum door with a frustrated growl. “Watch your back. Figure out what the hell I’m supposed to burn!” He flips the phone shut and stuffs it into his jacket pocket.

This is getting stranger and stranger. Jerry watches as the man goes to town on the mausoleum door, an offense that Jerry would usually be more inclined to stop from happening. Something about this man, though, about the way he carries himself and the way he talks, is holding Jerry back.

He’s very glad about his decision to stay put about ten seconds later, when the man drops the crowbar to the ground with a clang and pulls a gun out of his jacket. Jerry doesn’t even carry a gun. His heart starts beating and his palms prickle with sweat. He didn’t sign up for this. Who brings a gun to a cemetery?

The man steps back a couple feet, points the handgun at the lock, hunches his shoulders, and fires. Jerry barely has the wherewithal to throw himself back around the corner and press his hands over his ears before the shot goes off. He feels it reverberate through the wall, twice, as the man fires again. Fully out of sight now, Jerry gingerly lowers the zipper on his jacket and reaches into his chest pocket for his radio. He needs to call this in. This is way above his pay grade.

“Dammit!” the man yells. The gun must’ve been ineffective. Jerry mentally pats himself on the shoulder. He requested upgrades to all mausoleum locks after a series of break ins last year, and it looks like the security company came through.

Jerry hears the keypad of the mobile phone beeping as the man punches in a number, then there’s muffled ringing. Jerry uses the sound as cover to pull his radio out and to inch his face around the corner again so he has a visual of the scene.

The man’s phone rings and rings. With another frustrated yell, the man slaps it shut and paces back and forth in front of the door, one hand running through his hair, the other still holding his gun. After a few moments, he stops in his tracks. He’s facing Jerry’s direction, silvery moonlight throwing his cheekbones in sharp relief. He looks like a respectable young man, really. Jerry wonders where he lost his way.

There’s a set of complicated emotions working their way across the man’s face. His eyebrows are pinched in concentration, eyes squeezed shut, lips moving as if he’s talking to himself. This lasts about ten seconds before he throws up his hands and glares at the sky.

“Oh, come on!” he shouts. “Get your harp-toting ass down here! Castiel!”

Jerry, who prides himself on never swearing, thinks: What the fuck.

The man is obviously disturbed. He needs a doctor. Jerry glances down at the radio in his hand, and presses the emergency button. He can’t afford a conversation with dispatch; the man will overhear. This will at least get someone out here.

When Jerry looks back up, he twitches. There are now two men in front of the mausoleum. The newcomer is wearing a long trenchcoat and standing stiffly. He’s facing away from Jerry, looking at the gunman, sensible shoes planted hip-width apart. His messy dark hair blends into the shadows.

Where on earth did he come from? Jerry darts his eyes around. The mausoleum is on a slightly raised part of the cemetery, visibility clear in all directions. Even if the trenchcoat man had approached from the opposite side of the building, Jerry would have seen him.

“Cas,” the gunman says, voice heavy with something like — relief, perhaps? His tense posture relaxes slightly and he claps the trenchcoat man on the shoulder. “You took your time,” he accuses. “Can you open those doors?”

The trenchcoat man, Cas — is this Castiel? Jerry cannot keep up — turns slightly to regard the doors.

“This is why you prayed to me?” Cas’ voice is deeper than the gunman’s, rougher. He speaks like a robot. “Heaven is at war, Dean. You call me to help you break down a door?”

Jerry’s brain is spinning. Are these… actors? Cosplayers? He learned about cosplayers from Andrew. Some of them do have very elaborate costumes. Jerry squints at Cas’ back. This doesn’t look like a costume, though. Cas looks like a tax accountant. Like he should be at home with his family at this time of night.

“Sam’s in trouble,” Dean’s saying, an ever-so-slight pleading edge to the words. “I gotta get in here, Cas, or he’s gonna meet a real bad end. I know you’ve got the mojo, come on!”

“I do not exist to do your bidding,” Cas replies. He strides over to the doors, though, trenchcoat flapping around his calves. “I do not serve you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re a warrior.” Dean’s hovering at Cas’ shoulder. “Can you blast ‘em?”

Cas lays a hand on the doors, long fingers splayed against the metal. Jerry glances down at his radio again. The red button is flashing, indicating that he’d called for help, but he can’t hear any sirens yet. He hopes they send enough officers for two grave-desecrating weirdos.

“Stand back,” Cas says. “And tell the man behind the wall to stand back, too.”

“What?” Dean’s head whips around.

Jerry hastily pulls his head out of sight, heart racing. Oh, no. He’s seen enough. He can ID these two for the cops later. He doesn’t need to be on the scene.

He turns heel to run, but makes it only two steps before a hand grabs his collar and yanks him back. The air is knocked out of him and he yelps, feet scrabbling on the pavement as a strong arm drags him around the corner. He lands on his butt in front of the doors, palms scraping on the ground. He quickly raises one over his head in surrender.

“Please— please, I have a family!” He keeps his eyes averted. Dean’s boots are inches away from his legs. “Don’t hurt me, I won’t say a word, I promise!”

“You the guard?” Dean crouches down in front of him. Oh, lord, the gun is trained on Jerry’s face. He whimpers and nods.

“Great. Give me the keys to the doors. Stat.” A palm appears in front of Jerry’s chest, held out in expectation. He hesitates. Isn’t that aiding and abetting?

No way. He’s at gunpoint. He nods again, fervently, and fumbles in his pocket for his ring of keys. His hand shakes violently as he drops them onto Dean’s outstretched palm. He sneaks a peek up at the men.

“Cas,” Dean says, tossing the keys to the trenchcoat man. “Figure out which one it is. I’ll deal with him.”

Cas catches the keys. “So, you do not want me to break the doors?”

“No— just—” Dean closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, lips pressed together. “Just unlock them.” Cas scowls, but begins slotting the various keys into the mausoleum lock.

Dean turns back to Jerry and waves a hand in front of his face. “Hey,” he snaps. Jerry meets his eyes, conscious that he must look utterly terrified. He hopes it’ll appeal to any sense of humanity in this gun-toting lunatic.

“Whatever you think I am, I’m not,” Dean says, quickly and gruffly. “I’m not some pervert tryin’ to get my rocks off with Sleeping Beauty in there. I haven’t got time to ease you in slow, so here it is: ghosts are real. There’s one after my brother. I can gank it, but I gotta burn some hair or somethin’, something keepin’ it here. That’s all. Once Cas opens the doors, I’ll be in and out. We don’t have to get nasty. I’m even saving your doors from gettin’ blasted, as a favor. ”

Jerry picks and chooses what to process of that. “You have a gun pointed at me.”

Dean glances at the gun, like he’s just now realizing he still has it trained on Jerry. He lowers it. “Sorry. Had to let you know I’m serious. You gonna let me do my thing, or we gonna have a problem?”

The police will be here soon, Jerry thinks. It’s not my responsibility to stop this maniac.

“No problem,” he says. Dean nods once, satisfied, and in that moment, the lock clicks. The doors swing open heavily. Dean springs to his feet and races toward the mausoleum.

“Awesome, Cas!” he shouts, slapping a palm against Cas’ chest as he passes. Cas looks after him, a bemused expression on his face.

“I don’t know what to burn!” Dean hollers from inside.

Jerry is so far past trying to understand any of this. He nurses his scraped palms, huddling on the cold pavement and thinking of the book Andrew gave him. He wanted to finish a few chapters tonight so they could talk about them over breakfast tomorrow. He hopes he gets the chance.

Jerry is tough, but his eyes sting a little as he thinks about it.

“Dean is a good man,” Cas suddenly says, in that mechanical way of his. “Righteous. He won’t harm a human.”

Jerry stares at him in disbelief. There’s nothing he can say to that, beyond “Okay.” Cas just nods, and turns to gaze into the darkness of the mausoleum. There’s a lot of scraping and clattering echoing from the room inside, as if Dean is dismantling the place. He probably is, Jerry thinks miserably as the sound of breaking glass reaches his ears.

Dean comes storming back out of the room, assorted items piled in his arms. Jerry recognizes the doll that’s usually propped up behind the glass of the Bennett daughter’s crypt, and a locket that hangs behind the mother’s. A whole array of other personal effects that Jerry spends his nights guarding also end up on the pavement at Dean’s feet. Dean dives into his duffel bag, pulling out a can of gasoline. He douses the whole pile in the acrid-smelling stuff — Jerry’s nostrils sting and he coughs, scrabbling a little farther away. Dean pulls a lighter out of pocket and flicks it several times, cursing when it doesn’t ignite.

“Allow me,” Cas says, stepping forward. He pauses. “Close your eyes.”

Jerry throws an arm over his eyes without a second thought, just catching sight of Dean doing the same. His jacket sleeve does very little, though, to shield his eyes from the brilliant blue-white light that rips through the darkness. It feels like a bonfire, there one moment and gone the next, leaving the tips of Jerry’s hair singed. He cowers, eyes pressed shut, heaving huge breaths.

“Damn, Cas,” Dean says, voice tinged with awe. “Thanks for the assist.”

Jerry lowers his (slightly smoking) arm and peers at where the pile of belongings once lay. It’s completely gone, reduced to ash, just smoldering dust on the pavement. How on Earth—

In that moment, Dean’s mobile phone rings. He frantically plunges a hand into his jacket and rips it out, flipping it open.

“Sammy?” he asks sharply, pressing the phone to his ear. The voice on the other end mumbles something and Dean sags in relief, dragging a hand over his face. “Close call, huh? Yeah, glad it worked.”

Jerry tunes out the rest of Dean and Sam’s conversation. His eyes travel from the smoking pile of dust, to Cas (who’s standing motionless, staring at Dean), to the open mausoleum door, to his own hands, trembling in his lap. A light catches his eye off to the side and he follows it, realizing it’s his radio, abandoned on the pavement, red emergency light still blinking steadily. He gazes at it like a lifeline.

“Is that— Did you—” Dean’s voice is suddenly closer, right next to Jerry, and he quickly looks up. Dean’s looking at the radio, too. His phone is closed in his hand; he must be done talking to his brother.

“The cops coming?” Dean demands, gesturing at the radio. Jerry doesn’t want to let on, he doesn’t, but faced with this strange, complicated, definitely violent person, he can’t hold out. He nods.

“Dammit,” Dean mutters. Just then, the first siren wails in the distance, growing louder by the second.

Finally.

Dean groans and rushes over to his duffel bag, throwing the can of gasoline back in and grabbing the crowbar off the ground to toss that in, too. “Leave the keys, Cas,” he snaps at the trenchcoat man, who still has Jerry’s key ring dangling from his fingers. Cas drops the keys on the ground.

“Can you zap me to my car?” Dean hoists the duffel over his shoulder and faces Cas. “I won’t make it if I run.”

Cas steps closer to Dean, until he’s right in front of him. Their noses are just a few inches apart. Jerry, with nothing else to do but wait for his rescuers, watches them. Dean takes what looks like a shaky breath. His eyes flick down to Cas’ mouth. “You gonna stare, or you gonna help?” he asks, but it comes out small, a weak attempt at bravado.

Cas reaches out and places his hand over Dean’s left shoulder. “I’ll go with you,” he says, deep and measured, and in the next second, they’re gone. Just gone.

Jerry could swear he heard the flapping of wings. He sits there, numb, staring at the spot where they vanished.

Eventually, the yellow beams of flashlights dart across the front of the mausoleum and voices break through the fog in Jerry’s brain. A hand lands on his shoulder. “Sir, are you all right?”

He’s saved.

There’s a lot of questions from the responding officers, a lot of Jerry having to recount what he saw, picking and choosing details — which of course renders his story utterly implausible — and a lot of nobody believing him; there’s a breathalizer test — humiliating — that of course comes back clean (whether that’s better or worse for him, Jerry’s not so sure), and a round of paperwork, and finally, finally, Jerry is allowed to go.

He stumbles down the cemetery path in a daze, passing his long-cold cup of coffee, still perched on its headstone. He snags it and throws it away in the trash can at the cemetery gates. The officers said they would lock the mausoleum and the security station; Jerry was supposed to go home. He stops briefly at his station, though, to grab Andrew’s book.

He’s not quite ready to go home yet. He’s not sure what to say.

Jerry makes himself comfortable in the front seat of his car, overhead light on, and cracks open his book. He starts to read.

[ushiwakaout]

WARNINGS: age gap, student x teacher (platonic then romantic) SPOILERS FOR MANGA CHAPTERS 280+

probably really bad spelling

Ok bitches, it’s midnight and my mind is ROLLING.

This obviously has to do with bakugo. I’m a bakugo kinny so don’t @ me plz.

I really do be thinking that he’d fall in love with his teacher. But like let me explain.

You’re one of his teachers but you aren’t a hero, 100% a vigilante bc you don’t believe in the Hero morals bc you think they are a little twisted. You’re the only teacher in UA who’s not a “real” hero, personally i think Aizawa is a vigilante bc in the beginning we see that he doesn’t like Toshinori and i think it has to do with his Hero ways.

ANYWAYS, getting out of pocket here.

After the UA festival you have a big soft spot for bakugo and midoriya (especially bkg but don’t tell deku). One day he accidentally fell asleep in class bc he’s been having nightmares and you notice. Ofc you do- he’s basically your kid smh. You don’t even bother to wake him and you threaten the ones who try, especially denki and mineta. Your quirk revolves around blood manipulation but u can make it into a physical form (i guess like elsa but w blood/ u can manipulate not just yours) So when they try to wake up bakugo you just put two scary blood creatures beside them and they threaten them for you. If class is over and he’s still asleep, deku looks a little worried but you pat his shoulders and let him know it’s okay.

not you waking him up with a blood figure bc your scared of him 😔 just a lil

he obviously wakes up startled with the blood beside him, unknown to you, it reminded him of the Sludge villain. you rush to his side and start to apologize, stroking his hair but he just slaps your hand away. He’s not used to this type of affection. “Bakugo.... Are you sleeping alright?” He obviously doesn’t crack under the first attempt and decided to leave, calling you an old hag nun the less. He’s muttering “Why should you care?” and “Mind your business old hag.” Mind you, youre only like 7 years older than he is. (Bakugo is 16, aka the oldest of the class making you 23, one of the youngest teachers too) You only stop him seconds before he’s out the door to let him know that he can talk to you when he wants to. Obviously flips u off bc he doesn’t see you like an elder like Aizawa or All Might.

The fourth time Bakugo is distracted or falls asleep, he slips up. You wake him after Iida complained to you about not waking him up, low key threaten him too- u know that he almost murdered stain 💀 shuts him right up. You stroke his hair this time, trying to be gentle and not startle him like last time. You ask if he’s okay again and that’s when he slips up, “Just nightmares n stuff...” He is NOT fully awake or conscious, so he kinda frazzled up again and we are back to our regular program of Bakugo barking in your face to mind your business. But you don’t expect him to say thank you right before he walks out the door. You’re like ????? that’s new.

It’s probably the last time bakugo falls asleep is when he starts developing a crush on you. You run your hands through his hair again and he kinda rubbed into it like a cat being pet behind the ears. Both of you are like 👁👄👁

He BOLTED. No way he had just developed a crush on his teacher. No fucking way. Try’s to distance himself from you. Doesnt sleep in you class anymore. Doesnt ask you for your help or anything. You don’t mind since it seems like he’s getting by better than he was before.

But when he gets captured by the LOV and youre at camp w aizawa as extra help and you don’t see bakugo back with the rest it’s like a piece of your heart was ripped out. ( BTW in this point in time the feelings you have for bakugo ARE NOT ROMANTIC, it’s kinda like Eri and Aizawa situation, you unintentionally took bakugo under your wing and care for him a little bit more than the rest)

You don’t sleep until you find him. You’re at the press conference and you’re blood begins to boil when they said bakugo would become a villain. You spoke over Aizawa “I can assure you that you can drop those theories and accusations of my student. Bakugo Katsuki is talented and strong willed. What you saw during the festival was a mier fragment of who he really is. He’s a good kid who wants to be the number one hero one day... he wouldn’t give that up to be a villain.”

“And how do you know this fire sure, (hero/name)”

“I know my student better than anyone.”

When you hear that Midoriya, Iida, Momo, Kirishima and Todoroki went on a rescue mission to save Bakugo- you freak out. You paced all night until All might won the battle against AFO. Shota called you in the middle of the night to let you know that Bkg was gonna be in the hospital for the night. You rushed over there and once again your blood began to boil- you overheard the converstantion with him and his mother. Her calling him weak. What kind of mother was she?

you purposely walked in, “Oh sorry... You must be the Bakugos, I’m H/N- his teacher.” Mitsuki shook your hand and so did Masaru. You guys chatted a little before they left. “Your fathers such a sweet guy... how’d he end up with your mom?” Bakugo chuckled, “Old hag basically jumped on him at work.” You two chuckled together.

A very long chat between you too happened. More on how he was feeling and how you worried about him. At this point Bakugo knew that he could confide in you... He looked down at his lap and he began to sniffle. Something you where NOT expecting. “It’s all my fault... All might lost his power because of me... Becahse i was weak.” You heart ached for him UGH. Taking his hand in his, “Bakugo you are not weak... You’re the strongest kid I know. This isn’t your fault. If anything it’s mine... I couldn’t protect you kids fast enough... I’m sorry.” Caressing his cheeks. “It’s getting late. Get some sleep bakugo.” Youre about to let go of his hands but his grip gets tighter. “Don’t make me say it old hag.” He mutters before you chuckle a little and sit back down. You fall asleep you head on the edge of his bed, still in your chair while he finally began to drift to sleep. Your hand now in his.

When he figured out Deku’s secret he has one condition. “We tell L/N”

Deku’s like ??? “You mean H/N??? But kacchan!”

“No buts deku! We tell L/N or i tell everyone.”

“All Might! Do something!”

“I trust her”

“HA! Stupid deku!”

Bakugou’s kinda excited to tell you while y’all have tea and discuss Deku’s quirk but your sipping your tea when they tell you and your like “Oh, yeah i kinda figured that out myself... You guys are really bad at hiding a secret.” Bakugo calls the irresponsible and the rest is history 💀

Also you side intern w a 1-B student Shiozaki bc y’all have manipulation quirks and he gets mad jealous 💀💀 also hates that u intern w Vlad King and hang out w Hawks WAY TOO MUch

If he’s ever around you guys and Hawks starts flirting OH MAN bakugou with start to bark.

Hawks is the first person to notice his crush and he tells you and your like “Pft BAKUGOU?? You’re crazy!” but then you low key begin to notice small things that you didn’t before and your like oh- Oh shit.... this ain’t good

“Bakugo, have lunch with me will you?”

Denki and mineta make dirty jokes and you slap both of them w your shadows before the exit class.

You’re both mid into your bento box as you just blurt it out “Do you fancy me Kacchan?” yes u intentionally call him kacchan bc he chokes on the spici bento u made him. “Oh wow... hawks was right...”

“WHAT DID THAT BIRD BRAIN TELL YOU”

“Just told me you had a crush on me... Didnt believe him until now...” You eat a little more bento and just put it down bc ur don’t like the tension in the room. “Bakugo you know nothings going to happen between us right? You’re my student and i care about you. I obviously favor you but that’s all it’s gonna be.”

“Watch your mouth old hag. I’m 18 in two years, let’s see if i don’t come back and bite you in the ass.”

you burst out laughing and he just barks at you for laughing at him. “You will not my dear bakugo. Unless you graduate top of your class, turn 21 and make an image for yourself, then we’ll talk.”

“Mmm i promise ima gonna follow you till u love me too, L/N.”

“you’re disgusting, eat your bento.”

SPOILERS FOR MANGA CHAPTER 280 and ONGOING

You’re horribly injured. Gashes and blood spilling from your wounds as you watch Midoriya fight a battle alone with Shigaraki. Bakugo is sitting you up between his legs, making sure you don’t pass out. Your blood isn’t regenerating your wounds like it usually would. Your body has its limits and you’ve almost passed them.

But when Aizawa goes out cold, Deku claims Nanas float quirk, it’s up to you and Endevor to keep everyone safe, even if your body is screaming at you to sleep and rest.

There’s a moment when you see bakugo look at you when he sees that his child hood friends is in grave danger. “Don’t... BAKUGO!” He’s already in the air and your blood whips aren’t fast enough to move them. Shigaraki is faster and pieces through his chest and abdomen... It’s like you could feel it. “NO!!BAKUGO!!!” Everyone around you can hear the horror in your voice as you push yourself up in the air w the rest of your energy and catch him in your arms before anyone else does, but your body feels limp, luckily enough Todoroki Shoto is seconds behind you and catches the both of you safely.

At this point you can’t even tell who’s blood is on your hands. “You idiot.... Damn it ... Hey, hey you’re alright, look at me Bakugo. You can’t leave me too kid.” If it weren’t for your regeneration you’d probably be passed out the way he is right now. “We’re gonna get you to safety alright.... You gotta keep your promise... as stupid as it is.”

The second your feet step into a medical, everyone is looking at the both of you in horror. You tears a falling onto him and you just look like a tired mess. “Please take him. No- No not me, him! He needs help not me, please.” The doctors are quick and they try to help you but you keep screaming that it’s bakugo that needs help and when he’s not in your arms anymore and you see him getting the help you need that’s when your body collapses into the arms of a doctor.

Once everything is over and everyone is safe. You’re the last one out of the group who wakes up, which frightens bakugo. He’s in his room and he’s nagging you at his nurse to let him see you (your legit a curtain over) but she keeps saying that you need rest and blah blah. “Let the kid in nurse.” You croak and bakugo almost falls off his bed to get to you.

he regrets his decision. you look pissed. “You could have died.” was the first thing you tell him when you see him. “Do you know how selfish that was Bakugo? You could have died in my arms? Did you even think about that-

“My body moved in it’s own...”

*silence*

“I had to do something...”

You start tearing up, “get over here you stupid pomeranian.”

After that you watch Bakugo from afar, you give up you job in UA. You felt unworthy to have that position especially when you couldn’t save your student for the second time. Sometimes bakugo calls you and ask where you are while he’s on a grocery run. “I’m a lot closer than you think Kacchan, now get home safely, it’s getting dark.” You hang up in him and follows him back to UA, making use he’s fine.

This goes on for two year until he graduates. He’s taking pictures with his friends and aizawa gives him a box. “What is this?” he shrugs. “She just dropped it off.” He walks away leaving bakugo confused.

He opens the box and it’s a picture of you and him that Toshinori may have taken while you laughed together eating your bento. Behind the picture, there’s ink w your hand writing “give it back in 3 years” and inside there’s ring hanging on a necklace, he chuckles while reading the next note “p.s i’m not proposing. i just want something else to look forward to other than your presence”

“stupid hag.” he mutters before pulling the necklace over his head and tucking it into his graduate uniform. his hand is over the necklace and you see his smile from the top of the UA roof. When he looks up, he sees you. You smile softly and disappear when he blinks- he was afaid that would happen.

the next three years go by a lot quicker than he realizes. He’s interning under the agency you created w hawks but your no where to do seen. You’re never. in office.

and when april 20th hits, it’s the first time people see you in the office in three years and you go directly to Bakugos cubicle. You place a white box in front of him and smile “Happy birthday Dynamight.” His eyes widen when he locks eyes with you. Your hair is different, you look more like a woman than you did 5 years ago. he’s speechless and u just chuckle and roll your eyes. “My necklace, Kacchan.”

“I want my birthday present first.”

“What are you talking about, the box is your present now hand over my neck-“

“that’s not what i’m talking about.”

“the what-”

all eyes are on you two when pulls you into a kiss that he’s been holding onto for five years. “This necklace is mine now, just like you are. I promised you didn’t i?”

[thevirgodoll]

Hi babes 🤍 ima be real I need your honest opinion if that’s ok. Basically I gotta do my uni application (LIKE RN BC ITS DUE SOON) and I’ve been wanting to do radiography. Reasons being i love technology and healthcare, like I got a chronic illness so this means a lot to me. However my choices on courses/unis are limited to okayish places bc I’m doing this equivalent course, not the mainstream generally accepted way so not many places accept this for radiography. also i lack knowledge in radiography, I have no experience because of COVID. What if I hate it? im so interested in it but I’m dyspraxic and with my chronic illness I could struggle at times, I can’t tell if I’m using it as an excuse or being realistic. i could do sociology instead, i love it so much and am confident in it. I would have more university options too but less career choices :/ plus I feel like it’s not taken seriously by most people. sorry girl this was such a messy rant lmaooo ❤️❤️

I am never the type of person or blog that will specifically tell someone what to do with their lives. Only because I believe in that self discovery journey and how important it is to arrive to your own passions, ambitions, and knowledge. It is something you have to discover on your own. Those are things I cannot advise you on because it is specific to each person.

I can speak to some of your concerns though. I don’t think you should avoid something you want to do just because of your dyspraxia and chronic illness. I have ADHD and chronic illness so I can especially tell you this.

Struggling at times with personal things you cannot control is a part of life, and it doesn’t make you a weaker student nor does it block you from achieving your goals...it’s all about building plans around what you are dealing with so things can be easier for you.

Next, I do not think you should avoid something just because it may not be taken seriously by others because your career path is for you, not them. You do not have to prove anything to anyone. So take these two things into consideration for either major/path.

Lastly, if you hate something, it’s not finalized. Just because you start out majoring in something does not mean that has to be what you stick with. Plenty people go through major changes and end up just fine. At the end of the day, nobody really cares as long as you’re adjusting to your life/specific situation, academic achievement, and desires.

Picking a Major or Career Path

1. What do I love to do? What are my strengths? What are my ambitions and passions? (this can also be designated to a minor as well)

2. What are my career goals? What is my desired path? How much work am I willing to do to get where I want to be? (associates, trade school, technical, bachelors, graduate school, doctoral, law, medical, accelerated programs, etc.. you’ll have to do research to consider...remember this isn’t set in stone and you can always change your mind!)

3. What are my backups if I do not like this major/career?

-> Now if you’re sure of yourself, you won’t really need this. A lot of times, though, we change our minds! It’s natural, we are all so young!

Consider your other interests and strengths! This may not be apparent until you’ve taken enough hours to know what other classes are like or until you hit a huge roadblock.

If you’re doing poorly in your major and/or you’re more unhappy than anything but find joy in another area and find that you’re considering other options, take that as a sign!!!

4. Am I choosing this major/career because of authority figures, income, friends, or because it “seems” cool? Have I romanticized how this career may look because of a show or movie without any research?

-> If the answer is yes, you will end up unhappy! Be careful with this. You want to do things for you and have concrete reasons. 

5. Where do I want to go?

-> Consider this! Your school environment can make a huge impact on your studies, so choose a great school with impressive stats and well rounded social life.

Don’t forget you can take a gap year, go in undecided, go to community college, or speak to college advisors and counselors at the career center!

All is not lost no matter what.

Don’t forget to access videos on YouTube because there’s plenty of students and professionals that have resources to answer lingering questions visually, as well as educational articles. Read read read, attend lectures, talk to professors, take quizzes, and take internship or shadowing opportunities. With this, you’ll get a good feel of the job.

No matter what, good luck and I’m excited for you!

[normal-thoughts-official]

look i want charlie's pov on malec more than anything. tall scary mobster(?) brother of cute gf is melted soft puddle for this weirdly hot dude with great eyeliner and also just generally charlie interacting with magnus actually. hey do u think if he ever found out about the shadowworld he might talk to magnus about it for someone not so close but still trustworthy and kind and safe? aaaaaaaAAAA

ok but you are right and you know what? FUCK IT. au with charlizzy endgame he can be part of the polycule lmaoo and we get to see all the dumb shenanigans that come with that

like LOOK i get why izzy would tell him that the lightwoods are jewelry makers, it's not THAT far from weapons forgery so she can probably pull that lie off, maryse probably knows a little something about it too, and besides there is her shop, but alec? Alexander Gideon Fucking Shit At Lying Lightwood? NO WAY

i mean look alec is smart and he is cunning and he actually can lie when a plan involves it (he was pretty convincing with "i will bring magnus to the clave myself") and he definitely knows how to navigate diplomacy and stuff like that, but when it comes to actually pretending to be something he's not? especially if it involves improvising? my man lightwood fucking sucks. it's the truth. the same man who convinced lorenzo he would arrest his own boyfriend went "TheSE CeiLInGS ARe spECtaCULaR" not a few moments later. do you think he knows JACK SHIT about jewelry other than what magnus and izzy like or don't like? do you think he even knows what mundanes use as means of transportation? this man doesn't know what bees are. i have to laugh

charlie is probably already half convinced that they're in the mob or some shit anyway, with the way Fucking Shit At Lying Lightwood went all "she told you we're jewelers pffft". also he saw izzy kick that vending machine. like he probably thought it was hot valid but come on now. a woman in stilettos KICKED a vending machine right in the middle without even flinching while she was in the hospital tired as shit with withdrawal sweats. charlie ain't stupid. but also he pretends that he buys it and is all ":) love jewels" just to see what they will come up with

alec gets desperate and asks magnus for help. magnus is just like why do you think i know shit about jewelry making?? alec is like "well you mix up stuff all the time. also you wear them. didn't you design our wedding ring?" and he's like "alec i used mAGIC for that. also do you think making POTIONS is the same as making JEWELS?" and alec is like "i'M DESPERATE"

cue the both of them having an intense research session. for like two whole weeks you can find the both of them at any given time watching boring as fuck documentaries about jewelers and taking notes and shit. they even get some tools so they can PRACTICE just in case charlie fucking? asks to see alec work or something? they are himbos. and of course it's all for nothing because that is NOT the part someone who's not in the field would focus on, so as soon as charlie goes "so, what's your specialty?" alec's like "what's a specialty"

bonus he looks up maryse and you know because shadowhunters are fucking dumbasses she probably just spawned into the mundane world without any documentation or backstory or ANYTHING so he finds out that maryse lightwood doesn't fUCKING EXIST and her shop just manifested fully formed one day. at this point the mob is the only possible explanation

charlie idly wonders if he should go to the police, if anything to ask about them, but he doesn't want to ruin the lightwood's lives, they are nice. then one day he walks by the police station and who does he see if not maryse's FUCKING boyfriend. "oh my god, they are infiltrated"

charlie probably thinks that alec buys magnus all his fancy stuff with like laundered money or something. he's all like "haha hey glad to see that they are so accepting of gay people in the mob- i mean jewelry making business :)"

and THEN he asks magnus and alec how they met and they are like "uh" and magnus is like "alec was. a frequent client" cuz you know not a LIE but what the hell was this mobster always going to Fancy Guy for? maybe alec doesn't buy him his stuff maybe magnus is ALSO in the mob. maybe he's a hitman or something. damn, they are really open minded in the mob

except magnus is too sweet and nice to be a hitman so either he's excellent at pretending or he also has nothing to do with any of this. maybe he's like, a tailor or something. mobsters also have to buy regular stuff right? they wear a lot of suits in the movies or whatever. maybe he's their lawyer. he's gotta be pretty good at what he does if he manages to save these guy's asses in court, because they kinda suck at blending in (bonus somehow izzy's trial comes up in conversation so he is like. oh my god magnus IS their lawyer. and his admiration for the guy just doubles cuz really, how)

so he decides, you know, if this guy is also unrelated to the mob he should probably talk to him or something. magnus is trustworthy, he figures. also, i mean, same situation, right? regular folks who just found themselves in love with weirdly sweet mobsters. maybe they can trade tips. if magnus is their lawyer, he probably knows how stuff works better than charlie anyway

so one day he shows up at magnus' and he's all like "i want to preface this by saying that i won't tell anyone" and magnus is sweating already because FUCK there's a potion simmering not two rooms away and alec's bow is rIGHT BEHIND CHARLIE HANGING IN THE DOOR. and charlie is all "do you know what the lightwoods actually do?" and magnus is like "uhhh, yes, they are jewelry makers" and he's like "come on magnus. did you really think i wouldn't figure it out? they aren't jewelry makers. did you know that maryse lightwood doesn't EXIST? hell, i bet none of them do"

cue dramatic "i know what they are" "say it. say it out loud" "mobsters" "what?" "what?" "uh"

and magnus is all like "haha charlie don't be silly of course they are not mobsters. excuse me" and shoos charlie away somehow

he probably has to EXPLAIN to the lightwoods what the mob even is cuz let's be real, there is no way they know. and everyone is like well this is very fucked up! and alec is like "hey actually we should just pretend to be mobsters, that would be easier. it's way closer to what we actually do. jewels, izzy? really?" and izzy is like "alec i'm not telling my boyfriend that we are MOBSTERS!!!" and alec is like "well of course not, that's what a mobster would say. but we can pretend that we are pretending to be jewelers but REALLY we are pretending to be mobsters who are pretending to be jewelers, leave some clues here and there, and actually convince him because he thinks he knows our secret" and izzy is like "no!!!" and alec is like ":("

(magnus is like "that was a very good plan, honey" and alec's like "right?" and magnus is like "yes, very complex, i like it. you'd make a good mobster, you could use your Shadowhunter Mode" and izzy is like "can you guys PLEASE save this for later")

anyway they probably sit charlie down and have a "charlie we are totally not mobsters and here is why" talk but charlie is very clearly like "hmmm. doubt" so after some more sweating and shit they decide to just tell him the truth lmao

bonus points if charlie goes all "THAT'S your newest lie?" and then magnus starts floating or something and he goes "oh ok i see. can i lie down for a second". i mean realistically he would probably test them but once magnus straight up portals them to paris he kind of has to face that maybe he wasn't that right. maybe luke even turns in front of him and shit. or the lightwoods use the runes to become invisible. you know. but THEN he goes "oh ok i see. can i lie down for a second"

but hey at least his cute gf isn't killing people on the side! just demons. who exist. well he can just not think about that!

hey this is random but i was picturing someone mentions that the mob sells drugs and izzy is kinda upset because, you know, she's struggled with addiction lmao. and protective ass alec is like >:( but then later izzy talks about it with charlie and it's like, sweet? extra points if she's like "worst part is that you're not even that wrong. i dragged raphael in with me" and they talk about that you know

anyway yes you are RIGHT about him going to magnus to talk about the shadow world, like, at least it's not the mob! and he was ready to talk to him about that anyway. and magnus out of all of them is the one who best understands mundanes so he can help a lot because he kinda knows what charlie will be thinking, unlike the rest of them. hell, maryse is taking classes on being a mundane. like. come on

and just aaa honestly i would just really like to see that friendship? and see charlie being all excited cuz you know he's a DOCTOR so imagine all the shit he can learn from them! and eventually magnus mentions catarina and charlie gets to meet her and he becomes kind of her inside man helping her cover her tracks when she uses magic to cure a patient that wouldn't make it otherwise or something, and he is really happy with that. and it's just sweet you know? and just yeah generally give me charlie getting close to the downworlders, maybe even getting gifts from madzie because he's been helping her mom so much, like enchanted flowers or something, please and thank you daodhsaoijdsaoi

[justanotherwriter-fangirl]

I Can’t Sleep (E. C.)

Word Count: 1,749 words.

Warnings: It talks a little about anxiety and a panic attack, not in a very graphic way, but still be careful when reading if you feel triggered by any of those topics. Also some angst.

Request: Hi, can I get a reader x Ethan Choi imagine, please? Something along the lines of Ethan Choi hooking up with Vicky, the VA doctor and him not being able to sleep and telling her he's heading over to the reader's place as the reader is the only one who can calm him and help him sleep which led to Ethan and Vicky to argue the next time she sees him. The ending is up to you. Thank you x

A/N: Hi!!! Thank you for your request and for waiting this long for me, I really appreciate it, this is my first time writing for Ethan so I hope I did some justice to your request. Thanks for reading and hope you like it 💕

Gif obtained from Google. All credits to its owner.

Thanks for reading <3

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Laying in bed he kept tossing and turning, sleep nowhere to be found as her body was in a peaceful slumber next to him.

He thought that after spending the night with Vicky everything would feel alright, all pieces fitting perfectly together, both understanding each other in such a profound level given the background they shared but as she rested next to him, her arm wrapped around his waist and her face nuzzled in his neck, he couldn’t stop feeling uneasy, an anxiety beginning to form intensely in his chest and quickly spreading inside him, something was wrong and he didn’t know what it was.

That’s when your face popped into his mind, the image clear and welcoming leaving him with a warm sensation, he needed to see you. You had been friends for a long time now and you always had make him feel better, you always had been a constant in his life and he knew you were the only one who could help him in a moment like that. 

Quickly he stood up, the sudden move waking Vicky up leaving her confused.

“Ethan? Where are you going?” she asked rubbing her eyes when she noticed him putting in some pants and a hoodie.

“Sorry Vicky, I gotta go, I need to go see (Y/N)” he answered in a hurry tying his shoelaces, the thought of getting out of there more important in his mind that the conversation they were having.

“(Y/N)? The doctor? Why would you…” she started but it was too late, he was already rushing down the stairs and out the door leaving her confused, hurt and jealous among other things.

You stirred in your sleep, some knocking bringing you back to reality, you tried to ignore it but it only got louder.

Groaning you opened your eyes and stared at the red numbers of the digital clock in your bedside table, 12:55 staring back at you almost like mocking you, the first time you got to bed early in a long time and someone decided to pay you a late night visit.

Pushing the covers to the side you stood up lazily, ready to send away whoever was at your door at such hour.

“I’m coming!” you said almost reaching the door, turning the living room light on on your way.

Opening the door you were ready to give someone a not so friendly greeting when you were faced with Ethan’s distressed face, worry filling you quickly.

“Ethan? Oh my god, come in” you said stepping out of the way and grabbing his hand to pull him inside, the wet sensation under your hand turning your attention to his drenched clothes, you never noticed it rained until now.

“Stay here, give me a second” you told him before rushing to your bedroom to grab a fresh towel from the bathroom and some clothes he had left at your place a few weeks ago you spend the night together watching some movie marathon.

It was a common thing between you two to spend the night in each other's place, watching movies or stupid tv shows until 3 a.m. and sleeping together after that if your shift started late or you had a free day, you had that kind of trust, so it was no surprise at all to find some Ethan's old shirts at your place or some of your makeup in his bathroom.  

“Take that off” you ordered as you sat him in the couch and started taking off his shoes and socks, both dripping wet. You had to warm him quickly or he would get sick.

“Change your clothes while I go look for some blankets, don’t worry, you’ll be fine”

You didn’t even wait for a response already gone and missing the soft small smile that started forming in his face, he felt at home with you and even if he was dripping wet and still felt agitated he started to feel a little better, your presence doing more for him that anything else, you tended to have that effect on him.

Once you made sure he was dry and comfortable in your couch you sat next to him, unsure of what to say.

“Ethan… what happened? Are you alright?” you softly whispered grabbing his hand in yours, it was still a little cold.

“I’m not sure” he finally let out after a long minute “I was at home with Vicky and everything seemed fine but suddenly I started getting anxious and I knew I had to come see you, I feel bad for leaving her alone but I didn’t know what else to do” you squeezed his hand as he spoke, you knew it wasn’t easy to talk about that kind of things.

“Would you like to talk about it?” 

“The thing is I don’t even know what I should talk about, (Y/N), I don’t have any idea why I feel like this. Everything should be fine and I try to cope, but I can’t sleep...” he said looking in your eyes, his filled with unshed tears making you wonder how many sleepless nights he have had in the last month.

The vision was completely heartbreaking, such a strong brave man breaking slowly in front of you so you did what you knew made him feel better, you took him in your arms, his head resting in your neck as you stroke his back calmly, letting him know it was okay to let everything out. 

You felt bad, he was your best friend and you had no idea of any of this, you thought that Vicky was the one for him, they were alike in so many ways but now you saw that you couldn’t been more wrong.

You stayed in the same position for a while, Ethan finding comfort in your embrace as he tried to even out his breathing, it felt fine to finally let some one know what had been going on and if he truly had to be honest with himself it was like a little part of him always knew that being with Vicky wasn’t right, your current position being more intimate than anything he had ever done with her.

All this time he had been fallen for you and neither one of you noticed it, the realization hitting him like a truck. Now it all made sense, that was the reason why you always felt like home, why he felt like himself with you and only you. How could he not know it sooner?

It took him a couple more minutes until he felt ready to separate from you, already missing the calmed sensation you emanated.

“I’m sorry for waking you up”

“It’s okay, do you feel better?”

“Yeah, a little” he said scratching the back of his neck and looking down, his new discovery making him feel nervous.

“Do you feel ready to go back to bed?”

“Let’s go” he said standing up afraid of feeling again the way he felt an hour ago but not wanting to keep you up any longer, tomorrow you both had to get to the hospital early.

As you were getting into bed you noticed Ethan hesitating a little so you quickly got comfortable to pat the spot beside you inviting him in. 

It took him a second before accepting the invitation and crawling in with you so you immediately pull him closer to have his head resting on your chest. Quickly your hand went to his head to stroke his hair like your mom used to do to you when you were little and you were afraid of thunderstorms, that seemed to help him relax and no longer than 15 minutes later he was sound asleep next to you, you were happy he could finally have some decent night sleep.

The next morning came faster than you would’ve liked but spending time with Ethan was always fun as you got ready to go to the hospital.

The night before had been by far the best of the month for him and even when you have had barely 5 hours of sleep, you both felt fine, ready to face the day ahead as long as you were together to keep each other centered.

You arrived to the hospital just in time to start your shift, laughing and sharing a cup of coffee because of course he was going to say he didn’t need one and then regret it the moment you stepped out of your place.

As you got into the break room to put on your scrubs you heard someone clearing her throat behind you making you both turned around to find Vicky there, the tension immediately palpable in the room.

You finished getting ready and give a Ethan a reassuring palm on his back before leaving the room and closing the door behind you.

“Look Vicky, before you say anything I just want to apologize, last night I didn’t feel like myself but it’s no excuse at all to leave you like I did”

“You’re right, you shouldn’t have but instead of talking to me you just ran to her” she said motioning to the door you disappeared behind. “You just left me there like I didn’t mean anything for you”

“You know that’s not truth, you do mean something to me but I just think I can’t give you what you deserve”

“You think that or did she tell you that?” he tried to stay calm, they were still in a hospital and it wasn’t the right place to have an argument.

“She has nothing to do with this so leave her out of it, please, this is all me Vicky, I’m sorry, I really like you but I don’t think that’s enough, you deserve better, someone who can give you everything of him and I just realized I’m not that man” he insisted calmly, he didn’t want to hurt her anymore.

“I can’t believe that, Ethan, everything was just fine until she got in the way”

“No, this has nothing to do with her” he stated firmly.

“If that’s truth then look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel anything for her becauses this is it, you have to choose, her or me but you have to know that I won’t be living under her shadow”

“Then I guess that won’t be a problem” he said looking fiercely into her eyes “because I choose her”.

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