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thetempleofthemasaigoddess · 7 months

Text

(and if nothing brings you back) Surely, I'll roam through life in black

Mihawk x reader. NSFW!!

Title is an excerpt from Blind and Frozen by Beast in Black (again). Sequel to Built a haven for your love (until I let you fall apart). There will now be a separate epilogue to this story!

Note - 13/11/2023: I have edited Built a haven to delete a brief reference to Kain, the reader's past lover, in order to focus on other, more important characters.

*****

Dracule Mihawk is a patient man.

It is a natural quality, and at the same time that self-restraint is one of the reasons he has come as far as he has. After all, you don't become the best at what you do if you get bored easily, or frustrated after a visible lack of progress after a few short weeks; while natural talent did undoubtedly play a role in making him the man he is, Mihawk knows it is the long hours he spent practicising his swordsmanship (every single day since he was five, hundreds and even thousands of repetitions of the same figure, of the same lunge or the same parry, until he could perform them in his sleep and through simple muscle memory) that has made him the most respected and feared adversary in the four seas. He has always known in his heart the way of the sword was his destiny, no matter how hard and long the way to the top would be, and that path he has walked, patient and persevering, confident that one day his efforts and dedication would bear fruit - which they have. Even so, he still practices, every day, with the same focus and tenacity of when he was ten, still until his arms hurt and his fingers bleed, and then a little more.

Dracule Mihawk is a very patient man, not least because there is very little nowadays that can actually excite his curiosity to the point of anxiety; no rival in the last decade has seriously interested him, no swordsman he has heard about or met has made him feel excited at the prospect of a fight (or rather, one has; but a full year after their first and only meeting, Roronoa Zoro still has a long way to go before becoming a worthy opponent. But that is not a problem; once more, he is patient, he can wait.) and no future plan or commitment has ever made him wish time would pass faster. He is not bored, per se; he is just perfectly content with the way he spends his days, without worrying about what the future may bring...

... except for a single, tiny (no more than fourteen pounds by now, according to a book he has accidentally found in his library and even more fortuitously leafed through until he has found the chapter about infant growth) detail... one that has kept him awake at night for the first time in his life, and that not even training until his body gave up and his mind begged for the relief of sleep has been able to banish from his thoughts.

You. Or, to be more precise, the consequences of the night you have spent together. Or, to be even more precise, the reason why you haven't made him aware of them like you had agreed to do.

That... your silence, and the suspicion you are not deliberately keeping him in the dark (why should you? You have promised to inform him as soon as you had seen your doctor, you have his transponder snail number, you know how important it is to him) but something is keeping you from calling... that is what is making him loose his sleep.

To be honest, he started feeling anxious (a feeling he has at first almost struggled to recognize, so alien it was to his personality) just a few days after you had said goodbye, a feeling that became harder and harder to ignore, and then to keep at bay, as the weeks succeded one another. At first, he wasn't worried - just irritated. Even the most ignorant man in matters of childbearing knows it could take a while, perhaps even a whole month, before a person has reason to suspect they are expecting, and a late period could be due to several reasons other than pregnancy. Also, according to the book, it is not uncommon for pregnancies to end in the first three months, for reasons not even the best doctors fully understand; perhaps, he reflected as he polished Yoru at the end of yet another day-long training session, you have decided to wait until you are reasonably sure your pregnancy is real and healthy enough to reach full term, before informing him. Given how important this is to you, how desperately you wanted to get pregnant and have a baby, you may have ordered yourself not to believe it yourself until then, as if you knew you couldn't bear to lose the child you had waited for so long...

He was sure - no, he had been ready to bet his life that you would call after three months, to tell him you were officially, undeniably pregnant with his child. You are not the sort of person who forgets a promise they made, and while he has not yet decided what role he would play in the child's life, if any, you knew (you had to know!) it was important for him to be aware of the truth. He expected to receive your call any day, and he was determined not to miss it, so much that for the first time in his life he started bringing his transponder snail to the training room, or wherever he had decided to practice in that day, to make sure he heard it ringing.

It didn't. Or rather, when it did, it was never the call he expected. It was never you, and while three months became four, and then five, and then six, Mihawk started feeling restless, and frustrated, and then worried. Why aren't you calling?, he kept wondering. The thought, that was rapidly becoming an obsession, was constantly on his mind (when he trained; when he ate; when he showered; when he fought, either yet another quarry the Marines had sicced him on, or some fame-hungry swordsman who thought they could measure themselves against him and invariably discovered they could not; when he tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep) and threatened to drive him mad.

Six months after your night together, he had to stop lying to himself and seriously consider the hypothesis that you hadn't simply failed to contact him, whether because you had forgotten (absolutely impossible) or deliberately, but something was preventing you from doing it. Also, the two of you had never gone so long without meeting, and your few mutual acquaintances had not seen you recently either; you might have taken some time off from, or indeed put an end to, your activity as a mercenary when you realized you were pregnant, but that would not explain the lack of contact. Were you sick? Was the baby making you sick, and so weak you could not even hold a transponder snail receiver and speak in it? It seemed absurd: you were a still young, healthy woman, and even the most difficult pregnancy could not put a person into a coma! What could have been happened, then?

Has something terrible happened to you? It was, unfortunately, much less improbable than he would have wished; after all being a mercenary had to be one of the most unsafe, potentially fatal professions in the world, and your latest quarry might have turned out to be more challenging than you had expected, or maybe someone set to avenge one of your past victims had been able to sneak up on you and...?

He wanted to know. He had to - no, he needed to know, he reflected one night, the umpteenth in which he had found himself unable to sleep, as he looked at the starry sky out of his bedroom window, because while very little in the world had the power to upset or even just to actually interest him, he felt not knowing what had happened to you, and if you were safe and sound, could really drive him insane. You were strong, clever and resilient, but no one could keep their guard constantly up day and night, and so many dangerous things existed in the world; if you were hurt, and kept somewhere against your will unable to ask for help, he would move heaven and earth to find and set you free. And if it were already too late, if you had... died, either at the hands of an enemy or for some other reason...

In that case I really don't know what will become of me, he thought, then and so many times in the following months. He would have gladly stabbed himself in the heart rather than uttering those words out loud, or having someone else know he felt that way, but that was the truth and Mihawk was not in the habit of lying to himself.

The thing that vexed him the most was the inability to contact, and then to look for, you himself. He had not thought about asking for your own transponder snail number (something he had reproached himself for many times) and he even ignored the name of your island, which would have been the first place to search in. Worry and frustration prompted him to do what he never thought he would: call the Marines and ask... for informations.

"(name)? I haven't seen her in a while." Vice-Admiral Garp said, his tone pensive, on the day Mihawk contacted him "I was informed the man I had sent her to dispatch is dead, but she never came to collect the bounty, nor has she called or written to ask us to send it to her. I'm starting to think something bad has happened."

"Have you tried contacting her?"

"Of course we have. But her transponder snail has been deactivated since the first time we called, I don't know where she lives nor whether she has friends or family. Why do you care what happened to her?"

The sudden question, asked in a deliberately casual tone, took him by surprise for a moment. This doesn't concern you, Mihawk wanted to answer, but he stopped himself in time. He didn't particularly like Garp, but the older man was clever and relentless, not to mention he considered those like the two of you, pardoned pirates and mercenaries, like a necessary evil to keep in check; he would not go as far as to hurt a pregnant woman, and was probably already aware of your acquaintance given all the times you and him had sat down to drink and talk at the Marine HQ, but the least he knew, the better.

"(name) had promised to help me find a person I am interested in." he invented, confident a mere business deal would not interest the Marine much "A famous swordmaker she had been acquainted with years ago. She had promised she would track him down for me after her latest assignment, but I have not heard from her in a months."

"Had she now."

"What do you mean, Vice-Admiral?" Mihawk asked, suddenly irked; he didn't like the skeptic, vaguely mocking, tone the older man had used.

"Nothing, nothing. I'm afraid I can't help you, Mihawk; If you see her, tell her we'll keep the bounty for her."

As if he were the Marines' messenger boy. Mihawk disconnected without answering, sighed, and covered his eyes with his hand. It was as he feared: the call had been useless; you had disappeared, and he had no way to find you.

*****

And he still doesn't, six more months later, as he sits on the front steps of his house, a glass of red wine in his hand and his gaze facing the sunset, the familiar but still breath-taking view of the sky lit of red and black for once failing to catch his interest.

A year. A whole year spent thinking about you, worrying about you - and without you. He has sent word to his (very few) allies, acquaintances and whoever he could trust or owed him a favour, asking them to be on the look-out and inform him of any news, no matter how apparently far-fetched, about you.

It was all for nothing. You must have given birth by now, your baby should be around three months of age (has he ever seen a baby that small? Probably not since he was a very young boy himself, and he is sure he has never held one in his arms; well, he’s sure you’ll show him how…) but there is no trace of either of you. You seem to have disappeared into thin air, and Mihawk has never been so worried in his entire life. The possibility you are safe, having decided to hide and fake your death, doesn't even cross his mind; you had a deal, one he knows in his heart you would never break, both because you would have no reason to and because you would never do that to him (you wouldn't. It may sound presumptuous to think so, to believe he has some kind of influence over you, and he cannot claim to know what is in your mind... let alone in your heart... but you would keep you word, he would bet his life on it) which must mean that something is keeping you from contacting him, someone has hurt you, either keeping you prisoner somewhere, which would at least explain why you have disappeared, or worse...

You could have been killed. You could be dead, and the thought is so fiercely painful, the agony it fills his very being with so scorching and bitter, Mihawk wishes he could tear his heart from his chest, because if that were actually true nothing else, nor vengeance nor the passing of time, and surely not another lover, could ever give him the smallest amount of relief. So many people die every day, in some cases alone and unmourned, but the same cannot have happened to you, you are too... too smart and capable to have let an enemy overcome you, and too special and precious to have lived through something so terrible and humiliating...

And the baby? Your baby? What has happened to them?

Accepting to conceive a child together has been an impulsive decision, taken after just a few hours of reflection, but Mihawk does not regret it... and not simply because it has led him to the best night of his life. The thought of a child, of any child, hurt and killed would naturally horrify him, but to imaginehis own baby, his son or daughter, in danger or hurt... is it possible for a man to bear such an overwhelming grief?

He never thought he could feel like this; he never thought he would meet someone capable of arousing that sort of feeling in him, but he has, you have, and while Mihawk doesn't regret it, and knows he won't even if he does discover you have passed, the thought of losing you and your child before even having the chance to meet them... and to say goodbye to you, and... to talk to you once more, is... is...

He doesn't pray. He never has, and he knows in his heart it would make no difference, nor would he be able to find some comfort in it. Mihawk doesn’t believe in God, not in the benevolent, all-powerful kind so many people trust to make their lives a little more bearable or at least to reward them for their good deeds in the afterlife. What, who, he believes in, is himself, and this is why, after he woke up screaming from an horrible, excruciating nightmare (in which he opened the house door to find your reanimated corpse in front of him, a tiny dead body in your arms, telling him you were sorry you made him worry) he promises himself that if he ever finds you, you or the baby or hopefully both, he will never leave you again, and will give his life to protect you.

I swear, (name). I know you didn’t break your promise voluntarily; let me keep mine. Please, come back to me; I trust you. I can’t go on like this; not knowing is destroying me. Let me know you are both all right, and I swear I won’t let anything happen to you…

Are his feelings (fear, the instinctive protectiveness towards a child who is the blood of his blood, the memory of the night of passion you shared) getting the best of him, leading him to make a much deeper commitment than he would have been willing to had you, safe and sound, phoned him after a month to announce him you were in the family way? Perhaps. After all he does have a heart, but while he doesn’t intend to ask for your hand as soon as you meet again, he knows that whatever destiny has in store for the two of you, he will never regret his promise or the choice he made a year ago.

He never could, if you keep being part of his life. So he vows, in the privacy of his heart, and barely one day later he receives an answer; by God, by destiny, or someone else, he doesn’t care, but he has to quickly put an hand to his mouth to prevent Garp from hearing his sigh of relief.

“(name) has just called me.” The Vice-Admiral says; he sounds amused, as if his conversation with you had confirmed his suspicions about the reason why Mihawk was so worried about your disappearance. Lookin for a famous swordmaker indeed! “She has lost your number, but she was able to retrieve mine through an acquaintance who works close to another Marine base and asked me to convey a message.”

Silence.

“Mihawk?”

“I am here, Vice-Admiral.” he answers, in control of his emotions once more, even though he is clutching the transponder snail receiver so hard his knuckles have turned white “What is the message?”

“Simply her number, that she has asked me to give you. Do you have a pen?”

Mihawk does, but he needs to hear the number just once to know he will remember it forever. You are all right, he keeps repeating himself, alive and if perhaps not unharmed strong enough to carry out a conversation. Relief hits him, so sudden and overwhelming it almost hurts; did she tell you where she’s been in the last year? Is she all right?, for a moment he is about to ask, before thinking better of it; he will call you as soon as he finishes with Garp, who in any case he wouldn’t confide his fears in.

“I’ll tell her about the bounty she is owed. Good evening, Vice-Admiral.” he says, before hanging up and without giving the older man a chance to reply. He is alone, as always when he is at home, and Mihawk has never been so grateful for that lack of guests or, Gods forbid, house mates, because the last thing he wants is to have someone see him in that moment.

You’re alive. That is not enough to dispel all his fears, since as far as he knows you could be deadly ill or kept prisoner somewhere, and, most importantly, he still knows nothing about your baby, but suddenly he feels able to breathe normally for the first time in ages - in a whole year, that is. I knew you hadn’t forgotten your promise; that you hadn’t forgotten about me, he thinks, still worried but feeling a smile (a real, sincere smile, something no one in the world has ever seen on his face) open on his mouth. He remains still for a moment, the memory of your kiss and the sensation of your warm, solid body in his arms still etched in his mind, and a moment later he is already dialing the number Garp gave him.

You answer immediately; as if you were waiting for him to call. (You were. Desperately, fear and longing heavy on your heart; you needed to hear his voice like a person lost in a desert needed a glass of cold water, but at the same time you knew what you needed to tell him would destroy him, like it had destroyed you.)

“Mihawk?”

“This is him.” he promptly answers; until now you have always spoken in person and it has been a year since the last time, but he would recognize you voice anywhere “(name), are you all right?”

Silence.

“Name? Please…” he insists; that last word sounds almost alien on his tongue, but he can hear the call didn't fall, and the idea of you not wanting to talk to him is too painful to bear “Are you all right? Where are you?”

“I…”

“Is our baby all right?”

He can feel you hesitating for a moment more before slowly answering: “You needn’t worry; no one has been seriously hurt.”, which sounds too and unnecessarily complex when a simple we are both all right would have sufficed, but the determination in your voice is enough to reassure him “I’m sorry, I know I had promised to call you as soon as I had been to the doctor. I swear I would have, but…”

“Have you been kidnapped?”

“How do you know? Well, you’re right; I have been kept prisoner for a year, and my transponder snail was taken from me. I got free four days ago and I got home the day before yesterday. Mihawk, I…”

“Yes?”

Silence. Again. “I think it would be better if we spoke in person.” you state in the end “I’m sorry to ask you, but my doctor says I shouldn’t move for a few days a least, and my mother is of the same mind...”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Mihawk quickly answers, perfectly aware he doesn’t even know where there is, and utterly unbothered by the issue.

“Really?”

“Of course. Give me the coordinates.”

You do, from memory, and he writes them down, just to be safe; he shouldn’t take more than a day to reach you, he is pleased to realize. “I will be there tomorrow morning at the latest.” he promises; most people would think twice before sailing at night in unknown waters, but he is not most people “How do I find you?”

“I’ll send someone to wait for you at the harbour. Mihawk?”

“Yes?”

“Were you worried for me?”

He snorts - inelegant, perhaps, but since you cannot see him…

“What do you think?” he pointedly asks, and he’s happy to hear you laugh, just for a moment. “I’ll see you tomorrow, (name).” he promises, and then he is the one hesitating just for a moment, before adding: “I can’t wait to meet our child.”

You say your goodbyes and hung up, quickly enough he can’t hear you burst in tears.

*****

He is sailing less than thirty minutes later, pleased to discover a favourable wind is pushing his ship in the right direction, and exactly twenty-two hours later his ship docks at the only little port of your island, in a warm, sunny morning he would consider a good sign, were he inclined to believe in that sort of things (he never has). The moment he steps on the harbour, mainly occupied by tiny fishing boats, a trio of men in livery approach him.

“Welcome to our island, sir.” the oldest respectfully tells him as they all bow in unison; he doesn’t ask for his name, Mihawk notices, nor does he mention it to make sure he’s addressing the right man “Lady (name) has sent us to meet you. Will you please follow us to the fortress?”

He does, and the brief ride in the small but elegant horse-drawn carriage gives him the opportunity to explore the place you call home. You had told him it was small, and it really is, little more than a rock in a relatively unimportant corner of the sea, but patriotism aside, he can see why you like it: the streets are large, the building well-kept, the marketplace the carriage passes next to thriving, and the flora seems to be as lush as you said it was, given the huge trees he sees in the squares and along the streets.

Still, sight-seeing is not what he has come here for, and when finally the fortress (a solid, relatively large stone building, wind-tossed flags at the top of the four corner towers and a drawbridge over a deep moat) appears in front of him, Mihawl feels his heart skip a beat, both looking forward to seeing you and at the same time fearing the state he will see you in. Such sentimentality, such an inability to put order among his feelings, is very unlike him, as well as the sort of things he has always done his best to avoid and considered an unnecessary distraction. Still, he doesn't regret those feelings; you are part of him now, an unexpected but not unwelcome state of things, and while openly discussing matters of the heart has never been easy for him, and he doesn't yet feel ready to give a name to the emotions you have elicited in him, he wants you to know, he needs you to know, he has never stopped thinking about you from the day you said goodbye...

About you, and about the child you have given him. The child, about three months old now, who he is going to meet in a few minutes.

Crossed the large double door of the fortress, the older man in livery exchanges a few words with another servant. "Lady (name) is in her quarters." he then reports "I'll bring you to her straight away, sir, unless you want to rest for a while. A room has been prepared for you."

Mihawk is not tired, but had he not slept for a week, his answer would be the same. "Bring me to her."

You like admiring the sunrise in the morning, as you prepare to begin your day, hence your quarters are east-facing. Mihawk is led to a small parlor, which might double as your study given the desk and the full bookcase on one side. A closed passage leads presumably to your bedroom, while an open double door gives way to a sun-lit terrace, where a quiet but serious conversation is taking place.

"... need to tell him. You owe him the truth, especially if you hope for your relationship to continue."

"I know that, mother. I don't want to lie to him, but... he told me he looked forward to meeting the baby... I can barely bear to think about what the doctor said, but to discuss it..."

"I know how painful it will be; for both of you. But you still have a whole life in front of you, and you need to come to terms with..."

The conversation quickly ceases when the man in livery steps on the terrace. "Pardon, my ladies. Your guest is here, lady (name)."

The terrace is a mostly empty semicircle bordered by a wrought iron parapet, the breath-taking view opening on the whole island; Mihawk doesn't even glance at it, his yellow eyes immediately drawn to the younger of the two women sat not far from him, semi-reclining on a deck-chair under a large straw umbrella, a pillow behind her back hiding a tiny but deadly machine gun.

You.

The first thing he notices is the weight you have lost. He has tried many times to imagine how your body would change because of your pregnancy, what you would look like heavy with his child; he was sure he would find you beautiful as ever, perhaps even more so. He even entertained himself wondering how it would have been to make love to you as you were visibly pregnant... and discovered the thought was not at all unpleasant.

The you in front of him couldn't be farther from those fantasies. No doubt because of the year you spent imprisoned, you are clearly underweight, your left leg, left naked by the short skirt of your dress, is braced and bandaged, a profound, overcome but persistent weakness surrounding you, as if the excellent care you are receiving at home still couldn't undo the ill treatment you have suffered.

A strong-willed, resilient woman like you would not be cowed by a slap or a skipped meal. What sort of violence and abuse did your captors have to resort to in order to break your spirit? Have you been beaten? Starved? Exposed to the weather in the coldest days of the winter? Have they... assaulted you? Whatever the truth, Mihawk suddenly wishes he could have them in front of him; after a single hour, those bastards would beg him to die quickly.

Then you smile at him, happy and relieved, and the desire for revenge is promptly forgotten - or at least put aside. "Hello, (name)."

"You came."

"You know I would have."

You share a look, brief but enough to make him feel as if the last year had been no longer than a day; he can see unmitigated joy in your eyes, and relief, and... wariness, almost as if you feared what could be said during the conversation he has come to have. Are you... afraid of him? Why? What do you have to tell him that could upset him to the point of...?

He notices, a whole minute later than he should have, that the baby is not with you, nor there is on the terrace a cot or a little bed you could have put them in. He is about to ask, when the woman sat on the chair next to you, at the other side of a small round table, stands and turns to look at him. He doesn't need to consider the evident family resemblance, nor to think back to what you have told him about your family, to realize she must be your mother: you have the same look, the same kind but piercing gaze in your like-colored eyes. "Good morning. I am lady Veressa, (name)'s mother. It is a pleasure to have you on our island."

"Thank you, my lady." Mihawk answers with a slight bow of his head; he is able to behave courteously with people of authority, whatever Garp may think "The pleasure is mine."

"(name), I will leave you with your guest. Please, do not overexert yourself."

"I won't, mother. Thank you." you answer, and smile when she bends to kiss your brow. A moment later the lady of the island has left, the man in livery behind her, leaving the two of you alone.

Neither speaks as Mihawk moves the free chair even closer to yours and sits; there are about a million questions he wants to ask, but for a minute he is content like this, simply looking at you, reassuring himself you are really there, clearly exhausted but alive, healing, and still beautiful enough to take his breath away.

"You have a ten million berries bounty to collect." he points out after a while; you, apparently expecting to hear something completely different, blink, and appear to struggle a little to understand the meaning behind those words, as if your activity as a mercenary were a long-forgotten childhood game and not the trade you have practiced since you were still a girl.

"Oh... right. I will have to call Garp again one of these days."

You smile, still nervous but happy; your hand reaches towards him, and he takes it in his, careful, as if it were made of glass.

"I have missed you, Mihawk."

"And I you." he promptly answers; he wonders if you realize how rare, and surprisingly easy, it is for him to utter those simple words. Something tells him you do "Are you well?"

"Considering everything I have been through, I think so." you answer after a moment of reflection; there is no trace of complaint in your voice, rather it is the matter of fact tone of a person who dispassionately acknowledges a situation and moves on "The doctors said I have been lucky, a few more weeks under the loving care of my jailers and I would have died. And my leg should heal perfectly, which is the thing I was most worried about."

"That is good to hear. (name)..."

"You want to know about the baby." you interrupt him, and there is something on your face he cannot name, but that makes him shiver; as if you were preparing yourself for an unpleasant chore you could not avoid. You told him no one got seriously hurt, which only partially reassured him, and he knows he won't be able to relax until he sees his child with his own eyes... "Am I right?"

"Yes. Where are they?"

*****

This is a conversation you can't avoid; your mother is right, you owe him that much and more, especially if he is to still be part of your life from now on, which you desperately wish for. Still, you would give half of your blood (not a small sacrifice, considering how much of it you have wasted in the last year) to avoid or at least to postpone it, and enjoy the quiet, comforting joy of having Mihawk close once more, after fearing for so long you would never see him again.

You breathe in and, holding tight as if preparing for a violent impact, you confess: "There is no baby. I... I had my period a week after our night together, and regularly after that, at least for a while."

You have time to count up to ten before you hear him answering; you can't look at him, and perceive he'd rather you didn't.

"I see."

"I am so sorry, Mihawk. It was my most fertile period, and we tried three times... I was so sure..."

This time he is the one interrupting you. "I know. It is not your fault." he murmurs; you can feel the emotion in his voice, without a doubt much more than he wishes you to, and that makes you feel guilty, as if you were intruding in an intimate moment "I... I guess this is good, after all. You have clearly been hurt, and taken prisoner. That is not the sort of situation you'd want to be pregnant, and to have a child, in."

You can't help but agree, and you swallow, hoping against hope you can stop talking about it and the two of you can enjoy some time together before he leaves and you can go back mourning what will never be in the privacy of your heart, but Mihawk's next words hit you like a punch in the stomach.

"Maybe... maybe we can try again." he slowly suggests; he has started caressing the back of your and with his thumb, and the intimate tone of his voice, a still serious but unmistakably sensual accent in it, is enough to make you shiver, and cry "Once you have returned to health. Our night together was... very enjoyable, I wouldn't mind doing it again, and I must confess the idea of a child has grown on me..."

You will not cry. Not in front of him, not now. Don't you dare, (name).

"I can't." you murmur miserably; you feel as if you were confessing a terrible crime, something to be ashamed of, which couldn't be farther from the truth, and this makes you angry "I... after I came back, my mother insisted the doctors carried out a complete medical examination, to make sure we knew exactly what was wrong with me health-wise; we thought it was important to leave nothing untreated. My period had stopped after a few months, no doubt because I was given very little to eat, so my women's doctor visited me, and discovered... she found out that I..."

That I can't have children, and never will. Your voice breaks before you can utter those words, but Mihawk seems to perceive them all the same, and the flash of shock and pain in his lovely yellow eyes, brief but too sudden and fierce to hide it behind his usual sangfroid, makes you feel the worst, cruelest woman of the four seas. "Mihawk, I am so sorry... I swear I didn't know..."

"I believe you. I... I am the one who is sorry, (name). I know how important it was to you."

It was, and it still is; otherwise part of you wouldn't wish you had died in the cell you had been put in. "I know, but... you just told me you had started liking the idea of being a father. Well, I'm sure there are thousand of women who..."

"No. There aren't." he curtly stops you, as if to make it clear that he considers the matter closed. The intention behind those words, that he cannot imagine, that he doesn't want, a woman who is not you as the mother of his child, should make you feel happy, and flattered, and it does, even though that is just the light of a single candle in the unending darkness of your pain.

A still bitter but peaceful silence falls on you, your hand still enclosed in Mihawk's; even now, despite the excruciating pain making you feel as if a beast were eating you from the inside, you feel comfort, and peace, in having him close.

"What will you do now?" he asks after a while, and you shrug.

"My closest relative until two years ago was a distant cousin I didn't particularly like; he died, but he has left a son, and my mother and I agreed the best thing to do would be to name him my heir. He is only six, so it is too early to know whether he is a good fit for the role, but I will ask his mother to let the boy come live with us, and we can prepare him to rule after my death. He is technically of my blood so the succession should not be contested... but honestly I don't care much at the moment. The good of this island and its people has been my first and foremost interest since I was a girl, but now... now I would wish for everything to disappear. That I could disappear."

He has never seen that part of you, dejected and fragile and hopeless like a baby in the snow, and normally you would be embarrassed to have someone you respect and whose opinion you value witness those moments, but you know Mihawk has a heart, even though few people can say they have seen it, and you trust he will not judge you.

He doesn't.

"The people who hurt you." he mentions after a while "Are they alive?"

"The man who kidnapped me is dead, as well as a few of his henchmen I had to kill when they tried to stop me from escaping. Why?" you ask, confused, but a moment later you look at him, and a tiny smile blossoms on your lips "You want to go avenge me?"

"It is what you deserve."

"You don't even know why they did it. For all you know they could have had a good reason to try and hurt me."

"I'm sure they didn't."

"It was partially my fault actually. Every mercenary knows they should guard against friends and families of their victims, and I am usually careful, but that day I had lowered my guard." you admit, still ashamed of that rookie mistake "I was returning to the Marine HQ with the head of my latest quarry, and I fell in the trap this man had set for me; I had killed his brother years ago and he wanted revenge. I thought he would have killed me, but instead he wanted to prolong my suffering. He kept me in a cell so low I couldn't even stand, he starved me, beat me, left me outside and it was so cold I thought pneumonia would kill me... he took my derringer, my favourite gun, from me and smashed it under a rock, and I swear, that was the..."

And then he kisses you. To stop you from blabbering, perhaps, or because hearing what you have gone through has made him lose control with both rage and relief; you'll never know, and in the end you don't care. He has bent over you, covering the short distance between your chairs, his hand delicately cupping your face and his lips... his cool, soft lips, both gentle and hungry, are pressed against yours, and that is enough to light the fuse, to make your heart skip several beats and moan with pleasure, the memories of your night together instantly filling your mind.

You part your lips, suddenly so hungry for him you don't even care someone could enter and see you, but before you can deepen the kiss Mihawk breaks it, gently but firmly moving away and forcing you to let the hand you had placed on the back of his head fall.

"I am sorry." he says, with the least apologetic tone the world has ever heard "I shouldn't have."

"Yes, you should have. Do you really think you need to apologise?"

"You are very weak, and hurt. The last thing you need is to exert yourself."

"Is that your medical opinion?" you promptly retort; you still feel dead inside, like you have since you learnt you are destined to remain childless, but you want him so much you can barely breathe, and that makes you bold "I will not die if you kiss me, Mihawk; nor if we sleep together once more, which I would really like."

"(Name)..." he says with a sigh, and for a moment you almost hate him; he looks, and sounds, like a patient adult dealing with an unruly child, which is frustrating and more than a little offensive.

"You told me a moment ago you would be willing to try again. I know I do not look my best right now..."

"Do you really think I care about that?" Mihawk retorts; he hasn't raised his voice, but anger is seeping in his tone, which you approve. Anything, even rage, is better than concern; anything is better than him treating you as if you were broken, even though you are "I never have. Not with you. I have never stopped wanting you since we last parted, and I still do, fully and desperately."

If there is a thing you can always count on with Mihawk, it is him being sincere. "Then won't you stay with me?" you ask, holding out your hand towards him; you have always found it degrading for a woman, for any person actually, to beg for that sort of companionship, but this is what you are doing, you are begging him to take you in his arms and make you forget, at least for a little while, and you feel no shame or embarrassment, because you know that he, a proud and severe man, will not judge you "I need you, Mihawk. Please, don't leave me."

Your crutch, that the doctor (reluctantly) gave you permission to use to move around instead than using a wheelchair, is leaning against the wall next to your deck-chair, but before you can reach for it Mihawk's arms slip behind your back and under your bent knees, and a moment later he's crossing the terrace door and then the parlour, you firmly but gently held in his arms.

"Mihawk, put me down! I can walk..."

"You clearly can't." he reasonably points out, a trace of amusement in his voice "And don't worry, you're light."

You don't remember ever being held like this since you were a very young child, and you immediately decide you like it, both because you can feel his heart beating, much faster than normal, against yours, and because the proximity allows you to kiss him, which you avidly do, your arms circling his neck. You feel nothing but desire and joy and relief as you cling to Mihawk, pouring your very soul in each kiss, not stopping even as you push your bedroom's door open to let him carry you inside.

You need him. Because you are hurt and weak and scared and he is the only one you feel able to receive comfort from, but there is more to it; he is part of you, in a way you would be unable to explain but that you cannot ignore. In the solitude of your heart, you know it to be true, and it scares you, but you are not sorry for it.

Mihawk delicately lays you down on your bed, next to the little table cluttered with medicines and bandages, mindful of your broken leg. He takes his plumed hat off, his eyes trained on you as he leaves it on a nearby chair, and then places Yoru against the nearby wall. "I thought I would never see you again." he murmurs; he doesn't elaborate, keeping silent on the thoughts and emotions that belief elicited in him. Perhaps he wouldn't be able to, but that is all right, because you can perceive what he feels and thinks all the same; looking in his eyes is enough. "I... I missed you very much."

He doesn't know how much of a treasure those words are to you; which means, you immediately decide, you'll have to show him.

"And I you."

You quickly untie the knots of your dress, but then you stop, enraptured as you observe Mihawk undressing. He is not exactly putting on a show for you, but judging from the smirk adorning his face, he is more than aware of the effect he has on you. His long coat is the first to go, then his dagger necklace, his boots, his pants and what he wears underneath. Soon he is naked as the day he was born, and he joins you on the bed, slowly advancing like a predator moving towards his next meal. "Are you ready for me, woman?" he whispers, and you smile, confident you can play his game and even beat him at it.

"Maybe you're the one who is not ready for me."

Still, your self-confidence lasts only a few seconds, until you have awkwardly slipped the lower half of your dress from under your ass and taken it off, leaving him free to observe your abused, weakened body. You wait, anxious like a young soldier being inspected by a superior officer, afraid of what you could see in his eyes.

"Don't pity me." you warn him softly as you welcome him in your embrace "I have been lucky."

Mihawk sighs, as if understanding your motives but reticent to accept them; he gently lowers you on the bed, propping himself with his elbow next to your face. "I wish I could make them all pay." he whispers, his free hand gently caressing the bruises, wounds and scars scattered on your skin, the tenderness of his touch enough to bring tears to your eyes. "More than anything else... I wish I was there to help you. To protect you. I know you can take care of yourself..."

"I clearly can't."

"You know what I mean. You saved yourself in the end, did you not? (name), I wish I could make it all go away."

He can't, not really, and you both know it; still, you can smile, as you take his face in your hands, and feel his desire pressed against your tight. "Kiss me." you answer "And hold me tight. That will be enough."

He doesn't answer, but Mihawk has always been the sort of man who lets his action speaks for him, and thank the Gods, actions is exactly what you need now. You sigh, finally relieved, as he kisses you again, your mouths chasing each other as your hands explore the heavy, warm body above yours, your single night together, by now a year ago, enough to make you remember what he liked and what gave him pleasure. Mihawk pants as he feels your fingers caress his smooth chest, lingering for a moment to tease his nipples, and then descend towards the firm roundness of his ass; you grasp at it, greedily kneeding his flesh, and his hips quake. "(name)..." he murmurs, his tone reverent and almost worshipful; you are in awe, moved and grateful you see in his eyes the same emotions that fill your heart "(name), how... how I have missed you..."

"Tell me what you want, Mihawk." you invite him; it is his comfort you crave, the passion and pleasure of your lovemaking to forget at least for a while you will never have a family of your own, but that doesn't mean you don't want him to find joy in it "I want to make you feel good."

Again, he needs no words to express his intentions. He grins before moving to lie on one side next to you, your legs interwined; you are still kissing passionately as his hand moves yours to his hard cock, that you happily caress and tease while Mihawk is greedily sucking on your neck.

"You'll leave a bruise." you laugh; you can't wait to feel him inside you, and at the same time this is enough, the intimacy of feeling him close, not to protect you or to assure you you are still valuable and whole after what was done to you, but simply to know he cares "And everyone will know what I, we, have been up to."

"Good." is Mihawk's curt reply, and a moment later he is nuzzling your cleavage, his tongue lapping at the soft flesh of your breasts. He makes sure you are looking at him before capturing your nipple in his mouth, sucking and even gently biting until you have to press an hand to your mouth, that a moment later Mihawk decisively takes off. "Don't." he orders.

"But..."

"Don't hold back. Scream if you want. Make the whole fortress hear, let your people know what their pretty lady is doing. Let all the men on this island know they have no chance."

Of all the things you could have imagined, Mihawk being possessive, even jealous, of you, would have been the last of the list. But you like it, you immediately decide, you like it a lot, so much that you lift his gaze towards yours with an hand under his chin, while the other grasps at his cock with enough force to make him quiver, and you see pure, raw pleasure explore in his gaze.

"I don't want other men." you confess; it is way too early in your relationship (assuming that he actually wants one; you know you do, and the disappointment would break your heart) for promises and commitment, but you know you'll never regret uttering those words "I only want you. All of you. Take me, Mihawk; I'm yours, whatever you want you can do it to me."

The sound Mihawk makes after hearing your words is not a moan nor a grunt, rather a growl, and when your eyes meet once more you know that he couldn't stop even if he wanted. He doesn't need to, fortunately, and you smile as you lift your hips, careful not to put your weight on your broken leg, and let him take off your panties. The moment you are finally naked in front of him, ready and so eager, you see him lick his lips as he lifts your good leg to wrap it around his hips. He kisses you once more, intense and devout and hungry, and a moment later you feel him push against you, and your body opens like the petals of a flower to welcome him inside.

The moment you are finally one, so close and intimately linked, the relief filling your body is so intense you could weep for it; you can feel his heart beat against your chest, and it is lovely, it is so amazing, because it beats jointly with yours. Mihawk's forehead rests against yours, his hand still caressing your hair.

He is smiling. "Now you're mine." he whispers, in what is both a claim and a promise; and then he starts moving.

*****

It is a good thing that he arrived in the morning, you reflect as you lazily caress Mihawk's chest, since you are free to enjoy the intimacy and closeness between you until it lasts, without having to waste time sleeping. You are lying on your back, pleasantly surrounded by the warmth of his embrace, and it is as if the world outside your bedroom had disappeared; another gun, that you chose to replace your lost derringer even though it doesn't carry the same personal value, is hidden under your pillow. You seem to remember you had some important task to carry out today, the opening of a new school or a meeting with some council member or other, but you are not sure, and for the first time in your life you don't care.

"Does your mother know about me? About us?" Mihawk asks after a while; he is lying on your right side, so as not to bump into your broken leg, and he has yet to let you go, his strong arms firmly encircling your shoulders and waist. Despite the intensity of his desire, he has been gentle with you, as you needed in your state but more than you wanted him to; still, you feel pleasantly sore, your body tired but content and satisfied as Mihawk's fervor still warms your skin.

A soft laugh escapes your lips. "Why? Would it embarass you?" you ask back after kissing his chest.

"Not at all. She didn't seem upset when she saw me, but perhaps she disapproves her daughter associating with a pirate."

You assure him that fortunately your mother has never demanded to choose who you made friends (or more) with, especially since you have become an adult. "Also, she wouldn't have the right to judge." you add pensively as you slowly turn on one side to return his embrace "Since she also fell in love with a pirate."

That also escapes your lips without you realizing; Mihawk does.

"Your father?"

"Yes. He... well, he was part of Gold Roger's crew. He was the navigator."

Mihawk's raised eyebrows suggest you have done what perhaps no one else in the world has: taken him by surprise - twice. "You are not joking?"

"Of course not. I hadn't been born yet, of course, but from what my mother told me their ship passed by our island during one of their voyages, and the captain decided to stop for a while to rest and restock provisions." you explain; many people would be excited to hear a first-hand account of a meeting with the famed King of the Pirates, but you have always been much more interested in the man who, in true pirate fashion, stole your mother's heart. "She, who at the time was the heir just like me now, was the one who went to welcome them at the harbour; she met my father, and for ten weeks they were inseparable. On the day the crew was meant to depart, she told him she was pregnant; she knew the sea was his home, and that no matter how much they cared for each other, and how amazing a father he would have been, settling down on land with her would have made him miserable. So she let him go, and they started exchanging letters. When I was little, my mother would read his to me to make me fall asleep; I never met him, but I kept his wanted poster framed in my room. Then he returned, suddenly one day."

Mihawk's fingers begin to move along your leg, tantalizing close to your crotch. "Was it after Roger had died?"

"It was. Apparently, Roger left his crew voluntarily, he wasn't captured as the Marines said; he had relinquished command to his first officer, but a few members of the crew decided to leave it. My father was among them. He didn't expect my mother and me to welcome him with open arms after seventeen years spent living as he pleased, he told us, but he had never stopped thinking and caring about us, and hoped we would give him a chance to prove it. My mother, who by then had succeded her father as ruler of the island, let him stay, with my approval, and so we had a chance to finally bond."

You don't tell him of those years. Of how you gradually got used to your father's presence in your life, where until then he had been just a picture on the wall; of how he slowly, patiently built a relationship with you, learning to know your emotions, your thoughts, your dreams and fears, and how equally little by little you came to trust him, to respect and finally to love him. Of all the things you did together, the quiet, pleasant afternoons spent fishing at the docks, your legs dangling next to his and the sun on your backs, his awe and pride as he saw how talented you were with a gun in your hand (your maternal grandfather had been the first to teach you, like his own had done with him) and capable in your recently started activity as a mercenary, and how he liked dancing with you while your mother played the piano. You don't tell him how happy you felt when he and your mother told you they had decided to pursue a relationship once more, and how proud and excited he was when you told him you were expecting.

You don't. You can't, because it hurts so much, still today, enough to feel your heart bleed. What you are able to share, although with a huge effort, is that one day, nine years ago, a merchant ship reached your island, ostensibly to exchange or sell the goods in its hold. The truth was very different.

"The ship's original crew had been massacred by a band of pirates, who had then stolen vessel and cargo to carry out the captain's plan. My father had been sure no one would recognize him from his past as a pirate; after all our island was so tiny and virtually unknown, and Gold Roger had been so famous few had ever paid attention to his men, especially one who had no special abilities and powers like him. He was wrong; one of the island's rare tourists had recognized him from his old bounty poster, and weeks later he mentioned it to his friends in a tavern. The captain of the pirate crew happened to hear."

"Did he know your father?" Mihawk asks, still holding you tight; he seems genuinely interested in your story, which does please you, but part of you regrets even starting it, spoiling the pleasant moment you were living together... and that you don't know how long will last.

"No, he didn't. The captain wasn't interested in my father personally, he just wanted to find one of Roger's men... and force him to reveal the location of the One Piece." you explain "My father told the captain he didn't know; that Roger had hidden his treasure in a place only he knew, and had brought the secret to his grave. The captain didn't listen; by then, his men had surrounded the fortress and announced we would both be killed had my mother, who had by chance been at the other side of the island when our home had been besieged, ordered the guards to force an entry. He told us he would kill both of us if my father didn't him what he wanted to know... and in the end he did. The pirate shot me, but my father attempted to shield me with his body; he took a bullet in the head for me, and he died, and then a few guards who had disobeyed orders broke into the room, and I got hit in the cross-fire. I survived, but I miscarried; and even though I had no idea, because I kept having my period as usual after that, it was then that... something must have broken inside me, preventing me from getting pregnant ever again. That day I thought I had lost almost all of my family, but I had no idea of how right I had been."

Your tale has ended; you spoke for a few minutes at most, but you feel exhausted, even more than after you had escaped from your captivity and dragged yourself back home. As you expected, discussing the loss of your father and your baby, and the fact that you are destined to never be a mother, has been an agony you would not wish on your worst enemy; last night you have cried yourself to sleep, and you thought the overwhelming, excruciating pain you felt was too much for a person to bear, and you would die from it. Now that you're able to rationally reflect on it, you know you're not going to be so fortunate: you're gonna live, potentially for decades to come, and this pain will never leave you completely.

A sigh escapes your lips. "I am sorry; this is not the sort of topic one should discuss when with... someone special." you quietly admit, and Mihawk grunts in disagreement.

"I think you and me are beyond this sort of things." he points out before kissing you once more, and despite everything, despite how dead inside you feel, the sensation of his tongue against yours is enough to make you tremble. "You didn't deserve it, (name)." Mihawk quietly adds; he can't make it all go away, no matter how dearly you both want it, but those few, apparently impersonal words matter more to you than any I am so sorry or display of sympathy "Nobody does, but you least of all."

"I agree."

You enjoy the quiet and intimacy between you for a few more minutes, sharing lazy kisses and touches that you know you have already developed an addiction for, and that you will never stop craving.

But you have to. At least for a while, because the strength you need to go on you have to find it inside you, and you can't do it if you're tempted to hold onto him.

"How long can you stay?" you murmur a moment after your hand has slipped downward to caress Mihawk's cock, tearing a satisfied moan from his mouth.

Mihawk shrugs. "I have -ah...!- no pressing duties to attend to. I can stay as long as I want." he explains; a moment, and then: "As you want."

"Oh, you're leaving me the choice?"

"This is your home, and your island. I don't want to be the sort of guest who overstays his welcome."

"You never could and you know it." you point out, and you shiver, feeling his fingers gently explore the expanse of your chest and belly; then, thinking that even the worst criminals are granted a twenty-four hours reprieve to put their affairs in order before the sentence is carried out, you propose: "What if I asked to stay until tomorrow at this hour?"

"That would be fine. Why?"

"Because I feel that if you stay longer, I won't be able to let you leave."

Mihawk reflects on your words; he doesn't seem surprised, nor particularly happy, about your proposal. "Then." he begins as he turns to cover your body with his once more; there is sadness in his yellow eyes, but even more, there is trust and warmth, and perhaps even love, even though that could be wishful thinking on your part "I say we relish the time we can spend together while it lasts. What do you say?"

You obviously agree; you take him in your arms and hold him tight, leaving everything else behind - for a little while at least.

This fic is dedicated to @alphaash99 and @skynikan. Thank you for your support, hope you like this!!

#One Piece #One Piece Live Action #OPLA #Steven John Ward #Dracule Mihawk #Dracule Mihawk x reader #Mihawk x reader #Bellona's stuff

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faithshouseofchaos · 4 months

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Secret identity

Miss Americana and the heartbreak Prince — Prince!Carlos sainz x reader Part four

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Parts five six seven and eight are all written now 🤭🤭🤭 I’m going to bed it’s 4 am in the east coast of the US and if I don’t get sleep my pookie will be upset with me

Chapter Four shows Carlos around town

The two of you decided to spend the day sightseeing. After finishing breakfast you both decided to go for a little stroll around town.

The both of you went to a park first and talked while taking a walk around the pond. Carlos was surprisingly interested in the fact that you enjoyed doing these things.

"So you like nature? You don't find it kind of boring?" Carlos asked

"This is a very lovely park," you said admiring the pond and trees

"It is. Although I've been to prettier places" Carlos added

You couldn't help but notice the light bragging in his tone

"Such as?" You asked

"For one Europe has some lovely countries and beautiful landscapes. That of course is an understatement" Carlos replied

"So you have been to Europe?" You ask

"Of course. I've been to many places" Carlos responded

"Could you be more specific?" You ask

"Italy, Portugal, Spain..." Carlos named off a few countries he's visited

"I can't believe I'm in the presence of someone who's been to so many places" you respond with joking jealousy

"Are you trying to flirt with me?" Carlos replies with a light smirk.

“No, I'm just acknowledging that you will be well-traveled I’ve never left my home state and I’m 26”

"So you've never experienced anything outside of your home state?" Carlos replied

"That's surprising. I've been to a lot of places. I guess I always took for granted that I've at least traveled across Europe as a child" Carlos added

"Well you've lived a far more interesting life than me I'll give you that" you responded

"I've also lived a life full of luxury. I was born rich and privileged" Carlos replied

"Isn't that a curse to some extent? I believe the struggle is what shapes us, not the other way around" you argued

"I have never had to struggle before so I guess in a way I've been robbed of the ability to face my challenges. On the other hand, I haven't had to suffer either" Carlos stated

“Is that why you are running away from home to live with a stranger?” You asked

"Perhaps. I like the idea of living life differently than I always have. I want to see what life is like for the average person. I'm just trying to experience what life could be like in the shoes of someone else" Carlos responded

"Have you always been this way? Looking for experiences and adventures? Wanting to live life in ways others won't?" You asked

"In a way, I guess you could say that's how I've always lived. I was told I was very rebellious as a kid. I was never one to just follow along like others did" Carlos replied

"Have you always been this way? Looking for experiences and adventures? Wanting to live life in ways others won't?" You asked

"In a way, I guess you could say that's how I've always lived. I was told I was very rebellious as a kid. I was never one to just follow along like others did" Carlos replied

"So you've always had that rebel streak? You've always done things differently than other people and refused to follow social norms?" You asked

"Yeah pretty much. I always did my own thing and stood by my own beliefs. I've always lived by one motto in life" Carlos replied

"What motto would that be?" You asked curiously

"Living life with the mentality of having no regrets" Carlos responded

"That sounds like a good motto to live by. So you've always been bold and unafraid?" You asked

"I guess you could say that. I've never been one to back down. If I believe in something, I stick to it. Regardless of what those around me think" Carlos responded

"Even if you're alone?" You followed up

"Even if I'm alone" Carlos replied

The rest of your walk was in silence but not an unpleasant silence more like a comfortable silence

You both spent the rest of the afternoon walking around the park admiring nature.

It was a nice change of pace rather than walking through a bustling city. Plus the weather was warm and perfect.

You decided to keep asking him questions and keep getting to know him on a more personal level.

“Hey, do you want to go to my favorite bakery, it's not too far from here ?” You asked Carlos

"Yeah, I don't mind. I could go for some dessert right now actually" Carlos replied

"Alright, I know just the place " you replied with a smile

You led the way to your favorite bakery as you made small talk about the delicious pastries that they sold.

You both entered the bakery. The smell of freshly baked pastries filled the entire room. You immediately go to the counter where a young woman is. You order two chocolate croissants as she nodded

As you turned you noticed Carlos already seated at a table near the window. You couldn't help but be entranced by that handsome grin of his.

You take a seat across from him as you wait for your order. You guys spent the time in silence as you both just observed the surroundings.

Carlos seemed to be very observant of every detail around him. It was kind of admirable how relaxed and calm he was in this busy bakery.

The server brought the food and drinks over and you both started to eat.

You both made casual conversation in between bites of pastries

Your heart skipped a beat as you glanced over at Carlos. The more you paid attention to the way he ate and looked at you the more you couldn't help but get a flutter of butterflies in your stomach.

Which was ridiculous because you’ve only known him for about 48 hours.

You knew it was ridiculous but you couldn't help but feel a sudden rush of warmth when he smiled at you and laughed at your dumb joke.

You were attracted to Carlos, there was no denying that fact.

It was more than just his looks or his charisma for you, it was something deeper that was intriguing to you. Perhaps it was the possibility of a new adventure with this stranger...

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ach-sss-no · 1 month

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this is one of my favorite gollum moments and unlike the waterfall scene it's short and i can talk about it now before my work email starts functioning again (also, i might forget about it later)

it's such a small thing

small but full of mischief

so this is right after they left faramir's camp; Gollum is really antsy and insisting on moving as quickly as possible.

Gollum often paused, sniffing the air, and then he would mutter to himself and urge them to greater speed.

(All the quotes are from The Two Towers by J.R.R. Tolkien, Chapter 7, Journey to the Cross-roads)

He's saying that they've taken a detour and need to catch up. It's not clear to me why he needs to go so fast and whether it's 'we will be kiled by orcs' or 'there is about to be war everywhere' or 'I need to dump you guys off at my spider gf's cave as quickly as possible because I want to get back to being evil' but it doesn't really matter why, the point is that he's wanting to go as fast as possible and the hobbits have agreed to let him set the route and the pace.

But frodo and sam get tired because they've been walking a whole lot, and insist on resting:

'What shall we do? ' he said. 'We have walked long and far. Shall we look for some place in the woods behind where we can lie hidden? ' 'No good hiding in the dark,' said Gollum. 'It's in day that hobbits must hide now, yes in day.' `Oh come! ' said Sam. 'We must rest for a bit, even if we get up again in the middle of the night. There'll still be hours of dark then time enough for you to take us a long march, if you know the way.'

FYI: there have been moments all along where gollum goes 'yes we're all tired nice hobbits' and then jets ahead at 'almost a trot' and expects them to follow

Gollum reluctantly agrees to rest but makes them walk farther first:

Gollum reluctantly agreed to this, and he turned back towards the trees, working eastward for a while along the straggling edges of the wood.

Gollum fights them on where to sleep:

He would not rest on the ground so near the evil road, and after some debate they all climbed up into the crotch of a large holm-oak, whose thick branches springing together from the trunk made a good hiding-place and a fairly comfortable refuge.

Gollum goes to sleep. The hobbits don't.

Frodo and Sam drank a little water and ate some bread and dried fruit, but Gollum at once curled up and went to sleep. The hobbits did not shut their eyes.

Gollum wakes up in an unnecessarily eerie manner

It must have been a little after midnight when Gollum woke up: suddenly they were aware of his pale eyes unlidded gleaming at them. He listened and sniffed, which seemed, as they had noticed before, his usual method of discovering the time of night.

Gollum is fully awake and alert and perky. sméagol had nice nap and beautiful sleep!! and wants to start running full tilt towards mordor immediately

'Are we rested? Have we had beautiful sleep?' he said. 'Let's go!'

Sam and Frodo were the ones who wanted to stop and rest and they didn't get any sleep at all

'We aren't, and we haven't,' growled Sam. 'But we'll go if we must.' Gollum dropped at once from the branches of the tree on to all fours, and the hobbits followed more slowly. [LOTS of scrambling through rough terrain later]

At last Gollum turned to the hobbits. 'Day soon,' he said. 'Hobbits must hurry. Not safe to stay in the open in these places. Make haste! ' He quickened his pace, and they followed him wearily.

in conclusion:

Gollum is the most obnoxious person alive.

Imagine you are traveling with this jerk and you want a nap and he refuses and you have to argue him into it. Then he is picky about the spot you sleep in. then you have to watch him sleep while you have insomnia and then he wakes up and asks you if you had beautiful sleep (he may actually be talking to himself when he says that though, which is worse)

That's not even his fault. It's not Gollum's fault that he has the ability to turn his consciousness off immediately when it's sleepytime (he's done it before and apparently that's just how he functions). he was told to take a nap. he took a nap. He's not trying to antagonize anyone. he's just like that! edit: Oh oh and he has no idea they didn't sleep because he was asleep and has no idea what they were or were not doing while he was asleep

It's not even his fault that he walks fast! Gollum is driving himself at exactly the same pace as the hobbits, and is not asking them to do anything he's not doing and I don't think it's even unfair! Maybe some of this is easier for him than for them but also Gollum has this horrible warped twisted body and has to move on all fours so it can't be that easy! He's not even rude about it and he's supplying reasons (it's not safe to linger in the area. and I'm sure it isn't)! He's just so!!!! annoying! That's why it's so funny, nothing about this interaction is evil or malicious and he is just NATURALLY LIKE THAT. There is no good outcome from interacting with gollum.

How much do you think sam wants to punt him into the sun every time he says 'make haste' (he says it a lot). Mr. Frodo is tired >:(

TL;DR another circle of gollum hell: He's sometimes at his most antagonizing when he's not doing anything wrong and doesn't seem to have any desire to cause problems he's just

he's so awful

I'm not sure he even knows this is annoying

#gollumposting #long post #I started a post about the waterfall scene it is in progress #anyway that's why schordingers hobit has so many scenes of #'sméagol is happy and feeling better and wants to play' 'everyone disliked that'

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andreafmn · 1 year

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In the Heat of the Moment | Part 5

Word Count: 6.3K

Pairing: Jake Sully x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader, mentioned Neteyam x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader

Story Description: Every month female Omatikayans go through their heat whilst men go through their rut. It’s a time for mates to engage in the most animalistic desires. But when one of the two is gone, it can be a rather painstaking endeavor. With Neteyam gone on a hunting trip, (Y/N) has to go through her heat alone for the first time. Or does she?

Warnings: SMUT (+18, minors DNI), infidelity, p in v sex, oral (fem receiving), very vanilla sex

A/N: read at the end of the story 😬😬 also, sorry it took me so long to update. This week a friend that I haven't seen in almost two years came over and I was exhausted afterward from all the socializing. But it's the longest one yet. My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts to support me and my love of writing🥺👉👈. Hope you enjoy, and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

Dedicated to @irisskies! For always commenting and showing love to this story💖

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In the Heat of the Moment | Part 5

It felt strange waking up to an empty bed – cold and foreign. (Y/N) stretched her limbs as far as she could, shaking away the soreness that had built up in her body. Though strange now, she was comfortable. Sprawled on the mattress, relishing after a night of intense pleasure and a very long sleep.

By the time her eyes fluttered open, she could tell it was already well past midday, already nearing the dark evening. Chatter was lively all around the village, loud enough she could hear the mumbles from her nest. The sun still warmed the air and the wind whistled softly, making the leaves on the branches rustle in its way.

For a moment everything felt normal. For just a moment, the weight of her actions had not fallen upon her shoulders. She felt like could breathe, content with all the decisions she had taken in her husband’s absence. Maybe, just maybe she had finally come to terms with what her body wanted.

But it was only for a moment.

As slumber left her body and her mind became awake, everything dawned on her suddenly. Those past four days, the next three days, Neteyam, Neytiri, the Sully family, and Jake… Goddess, Jake. The man that in so little time had taught her so much. About herself, her body, her needs, and desires, about what she had and what she was lacking.

(Y/N) knew just how messed up the whole situation was. How sleeping with Jake had set off a domino effect and they yet had a way to know the full consequences of their actions. What they had done, and consciously kept doing, would not only break apart two families, but it would also destroy a whole tribe.

She kept telling herself it wasn’t love though, it was merely sex. An entanglement of carnal desire brought on by the absence of her mate. She has gone momentarily insane, crazed by the needs of her body rather than listening to the rational thought firing in her brain. Her arousal had clouded her head, she told herself. She was still in heat and that natural response was what was guiding her actions.

The girl was sure that’s how Jake saw this as well. An exchange of bodies playing the most instinctual game in the animal kingdom. Sex and pleasure, animalistic instincts, and pure arousal were their gasoline. The never-ending fuel of the fire that had ignited inside them.

What she had missed was the glimmer in his eyes as he stared into hers; the way his ears flickered at the sound of her laugh; the warmth that painted his cheeks at the mention of her name; the quick breaths that overtook his lungs whenever she was near. She had missed every single second Jake had spent trying to forget that she belonged to another man and that he belonged to another woman.

Her head was too clustered with a conflicting dilemma. If what she was doing was so wrong, how could it make her feel that good? How was it that Jake could know everything (Y/N) needed, every part of her body that craved touch? How could he do in a couple of days what her own husband had yet to learn?

Every thought flooded her at once. Every decision, every touch, every taste, every single moment that had transpired. It made her heart race and her heart tighten. She felt herself torn between what her body wanted, what her heart wanted, and what her brain wanted. It was confusing and overwhelming, but she still couldn’t help but see it all through.

(Y/N) wasn’t alone with her thoughts for too long. Outside her tent, a little voice peeped and called out her name.

“Are you awake now, (Y/N)?” Tuk called for her. “I’m here to finish your hair!”

“Sure thing, Tuk Tuk,” the girl responded, scrambling to hide the stained sheets she lay on. “Give me just a sec.”

She dressed quickly and clothed the mattress to make sure nothing seemed out of place. If there was anything she truly did not want, it was to arise the suspicion of his family. Once she noted everything was normal, she let Tuk and Kiri through.

“Morning, guys,” she breathed with a smile. “Thought I would meet you guys at your nest.”

“Well, you almost slept through the day!”

“Dad told us you’d probably sleep in today, so we decided to meet you here. We came earlier but you were still asleep and we let you be,” Kiri explained, placing a hand over her sister’s mouth in an effort to quiet her before she gave (Y/N) an apologetic smile. “This week has probably been exhausting for you.”

“You have no idea,” she chuckled. “But I’m glad you guys are here.”

She settled on the ground as Tuk took a seat on her bed behind her. A breath hitched in (Y/N)’s throat as the child sat on the very spot she had been with her father. It made her body fill with warmth and had her squirming, something she hoped the girls could not see.

But soon enough she got lost in the feeling of the girls doing her hair. They undid the braids that held her hair together, running their fingers through the strands to loosen them up. The dark locks fell down her shoulders in soft curls, flowing down past her shoulder blades. She was engrossed in the way they brushed her hair and took their time trying different hairstyles until they settled on the perfect one.

“Oh, (Y/N), did your necklace break yesterday?” Kiri’s voice seeped through her calm trance and broke her focus. “What happened to it?”

(Y/N)’s eyes snapped open to see her friend handing her three beads of the necklace her father had snapped the night before. Flashes of what had happened in that very room crowded her head, building a fire in her body as it remembered Jake taking her on the mattress. Her body tensed as she looked at the colorful spheres on her hand. She had completely forgotten that Jake had ripped it off her body and the pieces had flown everywhere.

“Oh, I was really tired last night and accidentally pulled it as I undressed,” she scrambled for an answer. “Completely forgot about it.”

“Want me to make you a new one?”

“That’d be great, Kiri. You know I love every piece you make.”

“Alright,” she beamed. “I think I’ll be done by the time Neteyam comes home. Maybe even by tomorrow.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Now you can surprise him with a new hairstyle and a new necklace,” Tuk squealed. “I am done!”

“Oh, it looks beautiful, (Y/N),” Kiri boasted. “I am sure Neteyam will love it.”

She stared at her hair in the mirror she had been gifted by Norm. Tuk had done the top half of her hair with two thick braids that met at the back, the feathers pinned where the locks met. She’d left some curls framing her face and ears, the rest cascading down her back. It looked effortless and hard work all at once. The red and yellow feathers popped against the darkness of her hair, the perfect accessory to the beautiful hairstyle.

“Thank you, Tuk,” the girl smiled. “You’ve always been the best hairdresser. I love it.”

“Maybe that should be my job at the village,” Tuk giggled. “I’ll do everyone’s hair!”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Now all you have to do is keep your hair intact until Neteyam comes back,” Kiri chuckled. “Think you can manage that?”

“I sure will try.”

“I don’t mind redoing your hair, (Y/N)!”

“Thanks, Tuk.”

After the girls left, (Y/N) couldn’t do more than sit in front of the mirror and stare at her reflection. The Sully girls had done up her hair in anticipation of her husband’s arrival, and the first man that would be able to see her would be their father.

“Oh, Eywa,” she sighed to her own reflection. “What am I doing?”

Her stomach churned as her mind flustered with the juxtaposition that had become her life. She wanted to be loyal to Neteyam, but she couldn’t help the fire that burned deep inside her for Jake. She wanted to be the perfect wife everyone thought her to be, the perfect cure tsahik everyone expected her to be, simply perfect. She wanted to remain the same (Y/N) that had been shaped to lead alongside her husband.

But she was flawed. And the wanton corporal need that crept from the pit of her stomach had become unavoidable at that point. Her body craved Jake’s touch whilst her heart called to Neteyam. The older man had left an indelible mark on her skin, and her husband had left one in her heart.

She needed guidance. She needed the whispers of the earth to give her the answers she was shouting into the void. She needed a sign.

Before she could process what she was doing, (Y/N)’s legs were moving. She left her nest and started her journey. Her pace was slow as she passed people in the village, smiling and waving in acknowledgment. She did not want to create any concern in her fellow tribe members that would cause them to follow her. She wanted — needed to be alone.

As soon as she left camp and was out of anyone’s sight, her feet took off running. It was aimless at first. Needing any possible distance between her and everything that happened back home. She needed an escape, a moment of solace with her thoughts, a moment to breathe.

Still, she knew the path she was taking like the back of her hand. Every step she took only brought her closer to the only place she could get what she was yearning for. The only place where she could whisper into the air and she would get an answer.

It wasn’t long before she was basking in the bright lights of the tree of souls. Just the sight of it had a wave of calm wash over her. She ran her hands through the lit-up tendrils of the tree, staring in awe at how they shone brighter at her touch. It was an unexplainable feeling to stand under the tree that housed all of her ancestors. The same tree that had seen her birth, her passage to adulthood, her union to Neteyam.

Under that very tree, that stood tall and firm, her whole life had passed before her. Every monumental step in her life had been witnessed by those that came before her. And it was the only place she could look for answers without feeling the judgment of the living.

She found a spot, deep inside the tree, and sat on the ground. She took hold of a bioluminescent strand and ran it through her hand as she used another hand to grab hold of her queue, ready to make tsaheylu with the willow.

A breath hitched in her throat as she finally allowed the bond to take place. Her pupils dilated and her ears were inundated with the whispers of souls. They welcomed her into their embrace, speaking words of encouragement and peace.

“Mother Goddess,” (Y/N) sobbed. She had no idea when she had started crying, but she felt the warm rush of her tears sliding down her cheeks. “I am here in need of your guidance. I know the vows I made in front of you and my ancestors, and I tried my hardest to uphold them. To this day, I don’t know what came over me. I don’t know what is still coming over me.

As much as I want to remain faithful, to wait for my husband to come home and live as mates, but I have this thing burning inside of me and it calls to Jake Sully, Great Mother.

I know the tragedy that will fall upon us if this is ever found out. Jake will no longer be Olo’eyktan, they’ll exile us, and both Neytiri and Neteyam will be cursed to go on without their mates. It will be devastation like no other. And we would have to live with the shame of what has been done.”

Air got caught in her throat as she cried. It was one thing to think all of this in her head, but hearing herself speak out loud shook her. It was real, all of it was real. The infidelity, the lies, the temptations, the wants, the needs. Everything was far too real.

She let out a loud shriek, clutching at her heart. The pain was too overwhelming to hold inside. The last thing she wanted was to hurt the people she loved. Yet, her actions had been selfish and fueled by split-second decisions.

“Ma Eywa, rutxe,” she wailed. “Tell me what I should do. Give me a sign of how I can go on, Great Mother. I know what I’ve done is unforgivable, and whatever punishment I receive would never compare to what I already feel. But I do not want to break that family. Sullys stick together, and that’s the way it should remain. I am only a Sully by marriage, they are blood. At the end of the day, blood weighs more than water.

So, I am on my knees begging. Tell me what to do. Just give me a sign, Great Mother.”

***

Jake had found it hard to stay away that day. He had found it hard to leave her the night before. But he had to care for his family, and Tuk needed him.

He tried to make his escape once his daughter seemed to settle. But every time he would move to make a run for it, the child would stir and he’d fall back in place.

That night he dreamt of her. He dreamt of her skin, her lips, her warmth, her scent. Every single one of his senses had been overtaken by (Y/N). Everything but his touch. Because as much as he yearned to be by her side, she was simply not his.

The moment he woke up, the first thing he wanted to do was run to her. But his duties had taken hold of him before he could fulfill his wishes. He did everything he had to do to the best of his abilities, the image of (Y/N) sewn into his brain.

Jake would find himself getting lost in thought from time to time, being brought back many times by the people around him. He was distracted and restless, hoping that the more he stared at the sky, the faster the day would move.

He saw his daughters saunter over to (Y/N)’s tent as the sun started to set on the horizon, taking everything in him not to join them. Even if he had to sit in a corner and be ignored, he simply wanted to be in her presence. He wanted to be close enough to hear her laugh, to feel her warmth, just close enough to be able to touch her. It wouldn’t have been much, but just enough.

Still, his responsibilities had to be prioritized. As much as he wanted to throw all caution to the wind and act as overzealous as he had been in his 20s, he was the Olo’eyktan of the clan. His job was too important to ignore and it was his obligation to watch over the tribe. (Y/N) would just have to wait.

Soon enough, he’d be done, and all the time he had left would be his.

“Kiri, sweetheart, wait up,” he called to his oldest daughter. The day was close to reaching its end, one of his last opportunities to be with (Y/N) slipping away. “By any chance, do you know where (Y/N) is? She’s not in her nest.”

“Well, I’m not sure,” she responded. “Last time I saw her was inside her nest, but maybe Lo’ak saw her after. I know she was walking around.”

“Alright, thanks, sweetie. Go ahead and set up for dinner without me. I still have some loose ends to tie up.”

“Sure, dad.”

Jake set up running looking for his youngest son which proved to be harder than he could have imagined. His son had a proclivity to be in places he shouldn’t have been, in moments he shouldn’t have been. And right there and then, he needed Lo’ak to magically appear.

He moved from corner to corner in the village, asking whoever he could if they had seen his son. Being met with the same answer was frustrating and irritating. His hours were counted and time kept trickling down without any regard for what he wanted.

“Lo’ak!” Jake finally found his son, dismounting his ikran. Normally, he would have scolded the boy, settling into one of his overdone lectures. But there was no time for that. “Kiri told me you may have seen (Y/N). Do you know where she is?”

“Uh, last I saw her she was on her way to the Tree of Souls,” Lo’ak answered. He was surprised at his father’s words. He expected the usual reprimand for flying his ikran right before daybreak. Yet, it never came. “Haven’t seen her since.”

“Alright, thanks, son,” he said. “We’ll talk about this when I get back.”

“Shit,” the boy mumbled as his father’s figure disappeared into the trees.

As soon as he knew no one could see him, Jake took off running. His steps lit up the trail behind him as he sped toward the grand willow tree. All he wanted to do was as much time with her as possible, and the day was almost over.

What he had not expected was the scene he ran into. (Y/N) was on her knees, her queue connected to a tendril of the tree as she sobbed. But what truly broke his heart was what she said.

So, I am on my knees begging. Tell me what to do. Just give me a sign, Great Mother.”

He felt as though someone had gotten their grip around his heart and were trying to rip it out of his chest. She looked so frail and defeated. Her whole body was shaking as tears fell from her eyes, staining her cheeks. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and take her pain away.

Jake took tentative steps toward her, careful to not startle the girl. He stepped over roots and walked through vines to reach her. The only thing on his mind was how he could comfort her, and let her know she was not alone.

But his presence was instantly noticed. (Y/N)’s head snapped toward the sound of his steps, her teary eyes falling onto his. Her whole body slumped as he neared her, the weight of her emotions taking a toll on her body.

“Come here, little one,” he whispered once he was close enough to her. Jake knelt beside her, wrapping his arms tightly around her form. She pressed her head against his chest, allowing herself to come undone in his embrace. “Tell me what’s troubling you.”

“I… I… I can’t.”

“I think I can guess. I heard what you said.” His voice broke as he spoke, her sadness spilling over to him. “I thought we weren’t going to burden ourselves with this until tomorrow, (Y/N). What happened?”

“I just… I just don’t know how I could ever move forward, Jake. How will I look into Neteyam’s eyes knowing what I’ve done? Knowing how I’ve felt?”

“Why do you keep talking as if you’re the only one that’s done something wrong?”

“Because I did,” she sobbed. (Y/N) lifted her head from his chest, her glazed yellow eyes boring into him. “I was unfaithful and disloyal to Neteyam and I came between you and your family. I did that, Jake. What runs through your veins will always unite you – as it should be. My space in the family is the only one that’s replaceable.”

Jake’s heart sank as she spoke. Her pain and hurt were overwhelming, a choking wave of powerful emotions. The worst part was that she was the one feeling them. He wanted to be able to carry all that guilt and all that turmoil that she held inside her, to unburden her of the weight of their choices and carry it on his shoulders by himself.

“I hope you know just how wrong you are,” he comforted. His hand raised to her cheeks, trying to wipe away the streams that stained her beautiful cheeks, before falling to take her hands in his. “You are as much a Sully as my children. You are a quintessential part of this family, and none of us would be the same without you. We didn’t know what our family was missing until you came along. I didn’t know there was something missing from my life until you came along.

If you are looking for a sign, baby girl, this is it. What happened this week was meant to happen, because our Great Mother would have not allowed it had it not been fate.

It is no secret that this will end in two days, but it doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy the rest of our time together. Whether we can do it again after, I cannot say. But the future is everchanging. All we can do is focus on the now. Can you do that, little one? Focus on this moment without worrying about what the future holds?”

(Y/N) felt the air thicken around her, her lungs struggling to take a breath. Could she do that? Could she disregard any future consequences for a fleeting moment of pleasure? Could she go on the rest of her life harboring such a damaging secret?

All it took was a look into his eyes, the touch of his hands, and the warmth of his body pressed to hers, for her to answer, “Yes.”

His hands rose once more, gently cupping her face as he moved her face to meet his. He placed a gentle kiss upon her lips, a feeling of deja vu taking over him. He was letting his emotions guide his actions just like he had done over 18 years before. Under the same purple-blue light from a similar tree, he had made a choice before Eywa to mate for life with one woman. And under the same eye of the ancestors who had bore witness to monumental events in his life, he was throwing caution to the wind.

That night would be different from the two before. Instead of giving in to his animalistic urges, Jake wanted to show her another side of him that she had yet to see. He wanted to show her the gentle and nurturing version of what they were doing. He didn’t just want to fuck her, he wanted to make love to her.

His movements were tender and calculated. He didn’t want to rush the moment. He wanted her to feel cared for and satisfied. He wanted her to walk away from that night knowing she was loved and important, that she was a valuable person to him and to his family, and that no matter what they would always have those shared moments.

“You matter, sweetheart,” he smiled at her. “You matter to me; you matter to this family; you matter to our clan. There is no us without you. You, my darling, have always been inevitable.”

A smile spread across both their faces before their lips met in another gentle kiss. This one, though, was filled with passion and want. It spoke what neither had been able to voice to the other, holding in its grasp every emotion and sentiment they shared.

Although, it didn’t take long for it to turn steamy as they grew hungrier for each other. His hands landed on her hips, pulling her body closer to his as she straddled his lap. He wanted to feel as close to her as possible. He wanted her to know just how much he wanted to be close to her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, her hands clutching at the hair on his nape. She pulled softly as she normally did, earning a groan from Jake and a quick rutt of his hips. But he broke the kiss quickly after.

“Is something wrong?”

“I want tonight to be different,” he breathed, placing his forehead against hers. “I want to take it slow. I want to worship you and your body in the way you deserve. I want to give you a moment that you will never forget.”

Sharing a gaze, he undid her necklace, exposing her breasts completely. Afterward, he untied her loincloth, carefully placing it with her top cover. Under the lights of the Tree of Souls, her bare body looked ethereal, unlike anything he’d seen before. Unlike anyone he’d seen before.

As he kissed her again, he placed a hand on the back of her neck, guiding her body to lay flat on the ground. He towered over her, his lips roaming her face, mapping every line and dot on her skin. He kissed her temple, her eyelids, her nose, her cheeks, her lips… every single part of her face was met with his pink lips.

His head dipped, traveling from her face down to her jaw and settling on her neck. Jake kissed and nipped at her skin, knowing which spots would have her back arching and her throat moaning. He paid close attention to her reactions. The way she would suck in a breath when he softly sunk his canines into her skin, the trembling groan she released when he ran his tongue flat on the same spot, the whines that left her mouth when he came up for air.

Jake moved further, his path marked with wet kisses, until he landed on her breasts. Her skin erupted in shivers at his touch, as if it had been the first time she’d felt the warmth of his mouth on her. His lips wrapped around the stiffened peak, his tongue stimulating her to no avail. Soon after, his hand joined him in paying attention to her other mound, wanting nothing more than to have two mouths to give both breasts the care they deserved. But splitting his focus would have to do.

Her body squirmed at the feeling. Something about being completely out in the open as he gingerly kissed her body grew her arousal to unsurmountable amounts. She felt as sensitive as the first time she had ever had intercourse. (Y/N) never thought she would ever feel that way once more. So giddy with excitement and anticipation as the door to a whole new experience opened.

“I need you, Jake,” she breathlessly purred out. “My body needs you.”

With a hearty chuckle, he released her breasts, trailing over her stomach and down between her legs. He kissed her thighs, moving slowly upward until he settled centimeters away from her arousal. She glistened under the bright light, a testament to just how excited she was.

“Goddess, you’re simply breathtaking,” he said right before giving her what she wanted.

He attached his mouth to her core like a man starving. His tongue lapped at her bundle of nerves, attacking her with the utmost calculating force. That night would be all about her. About showing her everything she deserved to feel and how she deserved to be treated.

He used his tongue expertly, circling and flicking the little mound that would trigger her climax. At the same time, he hollowed his cheeks, sucking incessantly to edge her on. He was moved by the sounds that rolled out of her mouth. It was the most beautiful song he’d bore witness to.

“Oh, my Eywa,” she mewled. “I’m close. I’m so fucking close!”

“Then do it, sevin. Cum for me.”

(Y/N) wrapped her fingers into Jake’s hair, pushing his head deeper into her. The sensitivity of her body was astronomical and she could feel her peak gripping at her insides faster than ever before. But when Jake suddenly added two digits into her entrance, she couldn’t help the instinctual clenching of her walls.

He pumped into her as fast as his tongue moved over the aching bud, the tips curling slightly to stimulate her from the inside. He wanted her to burst. He wanted to build that bubble inside her until it finally popped. He wanted her to scream his name, to writhe under his touch, to remember that no one would ever make her feel like he could.

It didn’t take long for the ecstasy to flood her body. As she felt herself explode in pleasure, her back arched off the ground, Jake’s tongue and fingers still working her as she felt the sensations of her climax ransack through her body.

Once her body calmed, the man made the journey back up her body, leaving more wet kisses on the expanse of her skin. He found her mouth once more, savoring her and the moment. Still, everything felt like it was fleeting quickly. That time was slipping away from them and in a split second they would lose everything they had.

“I need you, Jake,” she whispered into his flickering ear. “I need to feel you inside me.”

“Your wish is my command, sevin,” he smiled, sitting up. “Come here.”

He pulled her body up, moving her onto his lap. He wanted to see her, stare into her eyes as they engaged in one of their last moments together. He ran his fingers across her face, tracing and mapping every inch of skin. He trailed over her features before his hand landed on her jaw, his thumb caressing the plump blue skin of her lips.

“You truly are the most beautiful creature I’ve laid eyes on,” he sighed, too enthralled in the moment to realize the weight of his words. “I just wish…”

“Don’t,” she stopped him, placing a single finger on his lips. “Don’t wish. We don’t get to wish, just live in the moment.”

“I can’t help myself, (Y/N). I can’t help what I need, what I’m feeling.” His gaze bore into hers, searching for any sort of reciprocity on her part. “I can’t help but wish we had more time, wish we’d been born in different times, wish it was just you and me.”

“Jake…”

“I know… I know. I just needed to say it at least once. Because if I had to go the rest of my life without saying it, I was going to burst.”

(Y/N) didn’t know what to say, the words seemingly stuck in her throat. Instead, she responded with a soft and passionate kiss, hoping it was sufficient enough to calm his fears. It wasn’t hard to tell that the emotions they shared were heightened in the man, that he felt a connection that was more than just physical. She was confused and reeling, and nothing he said was helping her. Yet, she couldn’t find the strength to end things.

Rather, she unfastened his loincloth, baring him as much as she was. She grabbed his length, lining the tip with her entrance. She connected their lips right as she sank down, the sudden stretch taking all the breath from her lungs. (Y/N) steadied herself by wrapping her arms around his neck, allowing her body to grow used to the feeling of having him inside her.

It took them a second to start moving. They were overstimulated and overwhelmed. By the moment, by the feeling, by their emotions. It was everything and nothing all crashing down on them. This was it, the point of no return. Jake had said what had been weighing in his heart out loud and he was not planning to take it back, not even if she didn’t feel the same.

Suddenly, she started to move. Their position not giving them leeway for much more. And for the first time in three nights, she felt different. Her heart felt warm and calm. Could this be the sign she had been pleading for? Had Eywa heard her cries and was telling her everything would be alright?

(Y/N) bounced slowly on his lap, her hips gyrating softly. Although they were restricted by the position and the area, he was reaching deeper than he’d ever done before. She felt full and stretched, and she knew that she would not last very long. Not that night, not after everything they had done.

With his limited mobility, Jake tried his best to meet her jumps, his thrusts meeting her pace perfectly. Much like her, he was already on the edge. Spending all the with (Y/N) on his mind had built up enough desire and arousal to have him spilling with a simple kiss. Whether it was the novelty of their meeting or whatever it was he was feeling, he felt like an overeager boy. His experience and resistance went out of the window.

They were both holding on, trying their best to stretch the moment as far as they could. To live in the feeling as much as their bodies allowed them to. But it would prove they were weaker than their desires.

“(Y/N), I see y…”

She was quick to cut him off with a kiss. “Not those words,” she pleaded. “Please, don’t say those words. Not here.”

“Then, I yearn for you,” he proposed. “If I cannot say those words, then I’ll give us our own. I yearn for you, (Y/N).”

“I yearn for you too, Jake,” she whispered. “I yearn for you.”

A couple of skillful thrusts and they were both bursting, their essences mixing inside of her. Her walls clenched around him, emptying him of every drop of seed from inside him. (Y/N)’s head fell to the crook of his neck, her chest heaving and her body trembling in pleasure and exhaustion. She clenched her arms tighter around his neck, the only thing keeping her grounded being his scent.

There was a haziness in her brain as she came down from her culmination. The satisfaction that Jake had been able to provide her in such little time was intoxicating and addicting. (Y/N) had no recollection of how her body reacted before she had been with him and was scared of how she would feel after. Her body still called for him even if her heart did not.

Yet, it was earth-shattering and earth-binding all enveloped into one for Jake. A feeling that overtook all of his senses – mind, body, and soul. Under the tree that had seen his soul transfer, that had seen all of his children born, that had been witness to every moment that made him a Na’vi, he’d shown that maybe there was someone else that could complete him. What he felt was always missing from his life – from his heart – was her.

“Come here, sevin,” he told her as he led her between his legs. Her back was flush against his chest as his arms snaked to her front in a comforting embrace. “Do you think you have another one in you?”

“I could,” she grinned, though her eyes were already closing in tiredness. “But just one more.”

“Wouldn’t ask for anything more,” he chuckled. “Now, hold on.”

He freed one of his hands and slithered it down to her wetness. Gathering some of their mixed releases, he caressed her swollen clit. He wanted to push her just over the edge, give her body just a bit more than it could handle.

He circled and pinched the bud, varying his speeds as he paid attention to her breathing. He gawked at the way her chest would rise and fall in tandem with the movement of his fingers, her moans spilling every couple of breaths.

There was no chance for her to hold out for too long. Her body still reeling from their moment together, she was sensitive and frail. She could already feel the next ripple threatening to run through her body. And once Jake added his lips to her neck, (Y/N) knew she could not hold back anymore.

“I know you’re trying to hold it, baby girl,” he whispered against her ear. “Cum for me, sevin. Let go.”

And she did. She allowed her orgasm to plunder her body, letting the weight of her body rest completely against his. He snaked a hand under her chin and turned her head until he could give her a tender kiss, his other hand brushing away the hairs that had stuck to her face.

Under the light of the willow tree, the shine of their ancestors, he had given proof of what he felt. One of the last times he would ever be able to do so. Two days were all that was left until the fantasy would shatter. Two more days and he would have to repress the way his heart had changed rhythm.

But as he stared at her sleeping face, her eyelids fluttering as slumber overtook her, he allowed himself to live in the delusion. Whatever happened after the next night, would be out of his hands. For now, she was in his arms. For that split second, she was his.

Next ->

A/N: well, surprise! there's another part coming. As I did a part breakdown, I noticed I could not fit the story into five parts. But I would love to know y'all's theories on how this will all end🫣 Also, look at Jake falling for reader even though she's only in it for the physical satisfaction... 😈

Taglist: @uwunuggetchan @ellabellabus07 @sweetllamaparadise @crazy4books1 @jake-sullys-whore @saltedcoffeescotch

181 notes · View notes

callmegreeneyes · 9 months

Note

Hi! Can you write chuuya with s/o but only fluff, lots of fluff<3 that's can be scenario with cuddles and kisses?

Take care!

Scenario: Chuuya just got back after a long-time mission, and since you've missed each other, you cuddled on the terrace in front of a starry night.

Pairing: Chuuya x gn!reader

Genre: fluff af ♥️

Type: oneshot

A/N: Hey, hon! Firstly, I am deeply sorry it took me so long, but I haven't been well. Secondly, thank you for your request ♥️ I love this scenario, it's my favorite, and I think it's perfect for Chuuya! This is also my first requested oneshot, so I hope you’ll like it and that it was worth the wait ♥️ thanks again, and take care! !If there are mistakes, I am sorry, but English is not my first language!

Warm Welcome

One, two, three …

You took a sip from the glass of red wine on the wooden table in front of you.

Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten …

The pleasant aroma of the wine made a smile appear on your lips. Despite the penthouse being full of refined bottles and Chuuya telling you to feel just like home, you brought a cheaper one from your small apartment. It wasn’t as exquisite as his, but it was good enough.

Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen …

Before departing for a long mission, Chuuya gave you a copy of his penthouse’s key, giving you the chance to come over anytime you wanted. That day you seemed to miss him more than usual, so you decided to stay for the night at his place. But it wasn’t enough. So, you decided to wear one of his white shirts. You needed to feel him closer.

Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty …

Since you two had started dating, you’ve been more anxious anytime he had a long-time mission. You repeatedly told yourself that it was ridiculous. You both worked for the Port Mafia: you were a subordinate and he was an executive. You knew how dangerous your jobs were, yet you couldn’t do anything about it. You got worried, every single time.

Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four…

For the past weeks, you tried to focus on your work as much as you could, but in your free time, you couldn’t help yourself. Fortunately, you found out that counting stars before going to sleep reduced a bit your anxiety.

Twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight…

To your eyes, they were an array of diamonds and you would have spent the night looking at them.

Only one person made you feel that way.

Suddenly, the gentle wind caressed your cheeks and played with a lock of your hair. You closed your eyes and sighed, cuddled by the night wind.

You were thankful that Chuuya's penthouse had a terrace.

- What you doing outta here?

As soon as you heard that voice, you opened your eyes. You turned to your left and stopped breathing. Chuuya was there, before your very eyes, in his usual work clothes. You couldn’t believe it.

- I-I’m j-just enjoying the night breeze. - you stuttered, taken by surprise. You put a hand on your pumping heart and told it to get a fucking grip.

The redhead sat next to you, on the same small couch. He couldn’t help but notice the red wine on the low table.

- You're treating yourself good, I see. - he smirked.

Expert as he was, he first twirled the wine to make it oxygenate and bring out more aroma. Then he sniffed it and took a sip before frowning. - This is not one of mine.

- I brought it from my apartment. - you replied, taking the drink off of his grip and drinking it.

- Why? Y/N, ya know I don’t lack fine red wines.

You placed the glass on the small table and smiled at him. - I’m well aware, yet at the same time, I know you keep your collection for important occasions.

He brushed a lock of hair away from your face and tucked it behind your ear, a sneaky excuse to graze his fingers along your cheeks. - I see you again after a month. I think it's quite an occasion, don't ya think? - he whispered, inches away from your face.

Your cheeks have grown flushed. In order to hide them, you stood up to get one of his top-notch wines.

- You're not going anywhere. - Chuuya said, grabbing your wrist and pulling you on his lap.

You replied, bewildered. - B-but you just said ...

- I know what I said! - he exclaimed. Then he took a deep breath. - Let’s just do it later ... now, I need you. -. His eyes stared deeply into yours.

You've missed him so much.

You've missed his red curls and the way they tickled your skin, giving you delightful chills on your back.

You've missed his deep, magnetic blue-green eyes and the way they looked at you, longing for you to be his. You didn't remember how many times you've lost yourself in those gems.

You've missed his scent, a mix of cologne and tobacco, that felt almost like home by now.

You realized how much you've missed his lips when he gently cupped your cheeks and kissed you. He could feel the taste of wine on your lips. He found they were sweeter than usual.

He took his gloves off, threw them on the sofa, and brought his hands back to your face. He barely touched you and you felt your heart burning. You've never felt this way before Chuuya. What is this man doing to me?, you thought while softly brushing his neck with your fingers.

About twenty pecks later, your lips got apart and you were even more flustered. - So, how did the mission go? - you asked, trying to shift his attention from your blush.

- Good. Everything went perfectly as planned. - he said, proudly.

- Did you get any injuries?

He shook his head.

- Good. - you sighed out of relief.

You started playing with his hair. - You know ... you could’ve told me you were coming back tonight. I would have prepared something for you.

He wrapped his arms around you and smirked. - Like what?

- Well, I could have cooked dinner …

He laughed slightly. You both remembered the last time you tried to cook. It didn't end very well.

- Hey! I’m getting better! - you protested.

- Oh, is that so? - he said, surprised.

You puffed and started to look at the stars, trying to find other ideas. - Well, otherwise, I would have prepared a hot bubble bath.

He hummed, pleased by your suggestion.

You took it as a sign to continue, so you did. - All accompanied by some candles, your favorite bottle of wine, and maybe some music.

He turned your chin with his hand to meet your eyes. - I would have liked that. - then, again, whispered close to your lips.

- Then, next time warn me when you get back. - you breathed, closing the gap between you.

You started to scratch his neck. You immediately could feel him smiling into the kiss.

The redhead pulled you closer by squeezing your waist. Then, he sweetly bit your lower lip to deepen the kiss, and your tongues initiated a loving slow dance.

Before joining the Port Mafia, you thought you wouldn’t have experienced something like this. You believed that those love stories were just stories.

But then … you met Chuuya.

Thanks to him, you had a chance to discover everything you missed: respect, understanding, trust, friendship, and ... love. You didn’t believe you would have loved someone so much. But, there you were. Kissing the man who stole your heart. Your love for him was so strong that scared you a bit sometimes.

After several minutes, you both were out of oxygen so you broke the succession of kisses.

While catching breath, he noticed what you were wearing. - Angel, is this one of my shirts?

- Yes. - you said, looking at the white item. - Is that a problem?

He shook his head while a small smile appeared on his lips. - No, I think it suits you.

- You do?

Just like you, Chuuya would have never expected to have a serious relationship. He sure had a few affairs through the years, but he never thought he could have trusted someone the way he trusted you. By consequence, he never believed he would have ever been as close to someone as he was to you.

You’ve been dating for about 9 months and, even though it wasn’t such a very long time, for the both of you it was a big deal. You were still exploring your feelings and gradually getting above your boundaries.

He nodded, rubbing your back. - You should wear my clothes more often.

You purred. - Noted.

Chuuya smiled warmly. While he was away, you two barely got in contact because of your schedules. It wasn't necessary for you to say it out loud, it was pretty clear that you wore something of his because you've missed him. That gesture filled his heart with pride and joy. Furthermore, before departing, he secretly took one of your bracelets with him. Anytime he looked at it, it reminded him he had somebody to come home to; then, he would get everything done and over with to come back and see you again.

- I’ve missed you too, by the way. - he whispered to your ear.

You blushed once again. Despite your reasons being implicit, he still figured it out. No one has ever understood you, but him. The feeling was so surreal to you. You started to wonder if you'd been through all you did just to meet him, just to have him in your life.

He caressed your cheek before giving you a kiss.

You both pulled away from each other, and you couldn't hide the smile growing on your lips.

- What about you, babe? What did you do while I was away? - he then asked, brushing his lips against your collarbone. Once again, you could feel shivers down your spine. It took you a couple of seconds to reply.

- Well, I‘ve had some missions. Afterward, I’ve been hanging out with some of the Lizard’s squad and ...

Suddenly, your phone started beeping on the low table. You took it in your hand to look at who was texting you. It was Tachihara.

- Why is he texting you at this time of night? - Chuuya asked, peeking at the sender’s name.

- Well, I’ve been hanging out with him for the past weeks. - you explained, muting your phone and putting it back where it was.

Chuuya groaned. - Couldn’t you hang out with someone else?

You furrowed your eyebrows, confused by his reaction. - Why? What’s wrong with Tachihara?

- He keeps calling you ‘princess’! - he complained.

Your colleague has called you by that stupid nickname since day one. In his opinion, your kind manners and innocent appearance (really unusual features for someone who works in the mafia) justified that nickname. However, you’ve told Tachihara countless times to stop calling you that, but he never did, so you decided to just let him be.

- Chuuya, he does it for mocking me.

- So? It still bothers me, Y/N.

Maybe, I shouldn’t tell him I’ve been hanging out with Dazai too, you thought. You got on pretty well with the guy. You found him amusing and interesting. Nevertheless, you were aware of their extremely difficult relationship. The redhead knew how flirty his ex-partner could be and he didn’t want you any closer to ‘that bastard’.

You leaned closer, inches away from his lips, and looked deep into his eyes with pure adoration. - Well, it shouldn’t. Because I …

You kissed his forehead.

- … only …

You kissed his nose.

- … have …

You kissed his left cheek.

- … eyes …

You kissed his right cheek.

- … for …

You kissed his lips.

- … you.

At first, he got lost in your sparkling e/c eyes. After he heard his pumping heart, he then registered every word (and kiss) you delivered to him. He immediately averted your gaze, trying to hide the blush with his hat.

You, obviously, noticed and giggled. - You’re so cute, Chuu.

- Tsk, shut it. - he murmured, visibly embarrassed.

You smiled widely while taking and caressing the hand that held the hat.

Then, his gaze met yours, and a question peeped in his mind. - You mean it? You only have eyes for me?

Both of you have never been loved for who you really were. That was something you understood very soon.

On your part, at the beginning of your relationship, you hardly adjusted to his luxurious lifestyle and, especially, accepted his glamorous gifts. Not only because you weren’t used to it, but also for reassuring him that you didn’t like him for his money.

Chuuya was surprised by how simple and down-to-earth you were and also relieved that you weren't a gold digger or hungry for power.

He really was incredulous about the fact that you wanted to be with him for his person, and not for his role in the Port Mafia.

And when you understood that giving gifts was one of his love languages, you started to look at them differently. Sure, you still had to tell him not to spend too much money on you, but you warmly kept all his presents. He was always happy seeing you with one of his gifts on, especially on dates.

On his part, Chuuya made some real efforts to make you trust him. Despite his gifts, comforting gestures, and sweet words here and there, you had a hard time removing all the doubts wandering in your mind. Because of your past experiences, you kept fighting against your trust issues. In other words, you were quite the paranoic.

The redhead, having the same issues as you, knew the feeling. And since you pushed all the right buttons for him to trust you, he was determined to reciprocate. He wanted you to feel at ease around him and, to your surprise, he achieved his aim. You don't even know how he has done it, but it wasn't important. When you realized that you could put faith in him, you felt blessed.

You two couldn’t have asked for anyone better.

You knew he was wearing his heart on his sleeve, same as you, and that's why your expression was deadly serious. - Yeah, I truly mean it. - you said, pressing a gentle kiss on the back of his hand.

Chuuya was totally mesmerized by your actions and couldn't do anything else but look at you like he was under an enchantment.

You pulled him by the collar of his shirt and whispered in his ear. - Let me show you.

You started to leave delicate kisses all over his neck, his hair ruffling between your fingers. You worshipped the man and you wanted to let him know. He deserved it.

Chuuya closed his eyes, relaxing under your graceful touch. You’ve always treated him with the utmost care and kindness and although he couldn’t understand the reason for you to do so, he inevitably surrendered to you.

When your kisses reached his jawline, he clutched you tight.

- I wish we'd spend more time together. - the redhead said, rubbing your back.

- Me too. But we already talked about it, remember? - you replied, still peppering him with small lazy kisses.

You discussed this topic several times. You guys tried to organize your different schedules to find extra time for yourselves. But nonetheless, it was harder than you thought. Firstly, Chuuya was an executive so his tasks were not just more difficult, but they required more time to accomplish; you were an ordinary subordinate and because of that you had more missions on your agenda. Secondly, your jobs were often unpredictable so you could have been called into duty anytime and your missions could have lasted longer. Thirdly, most of the time, when you were done with your tasks you both were exhausted.

You both struggled a lot. But even one hour together was worth the effort.

However, Chuuya was a man full of surprises. - Well, I might have a proposal. - he revealed, smiling smugly.

You stopped your actions and curiously looked at him. - Really? That is?

For unexplainable reasons, the way he looked at you got you nervous.

- Move in with me. - he breathed, staring deep into your eyes.

May I have drunk too much wine?, you asked yourself. You couldn't believe your ears. - Say again?

He took your hand and started to draw small circles on it with his thumb. - Move in with me. - he securely repeated.

You knew him enough to know that he wouldn't have done or said something that he hadn't wanted to; but, at the same time, you'd be lying if you didn't know how impulsive he could be.

Maybe he pronounced those words because we were apart for four long weeks, you believed. - Chuuya ... have you thought this through?

Little did you know he had been thinking about it for some time.

He imagined waking up next to you every single day, giving you good morning kisses, and keeping you in bed, despite your sayings about being late for work.

He imagined having breakfast together, telling each other what you dreamt about during the night, and informing one another about your plans for the day.

He imagined intertwining your hand or holding your thigh on the drive to work and giving you a hidden kiss before parting.

He imagined getting back home and cooking dinners together, by the sound of your laughter and smooches.

He imagined having more time for indoor and outdoor dates.

He imagined spending weekends in bed and cuddling in each others' arms.

He imagined giving you goodnight kisses and sleeping together.

Someone would say he almost planned everything.

He had no doubts about it. All he wanted was you, every part of you.

At first, he felt nervous thinking about asking you. He attempted to do it again and again, but every single time your piercing gaze left him petrified and breathless. When you asked if there was something wrong, his cheeks went scarlet.

Though, his long-time period mission gave him the chance to prepare himself and now he couldn't wait any longer. He was more than ready.

- Yes. I’m serious about us. - he declared, kissing your knuckles. His ardent eyes fixed intensely on yours, diving into the depth of your soul looking for a glimpse of something. An affirmative response from you. - So ... will you?

You have never lived with anyone before and you didn't believe you would in the future. You've always been alone. And despite being in a relationship with Chuuya for nine months, you hardly acknowledged when you thought about it.

In a corner of your mind, you thought he would have got tired of you eventually and left you. Just like everybody. But in Chuuya's case, it was different. You always considered the redhead like a star: so bright and beautiful, yet so unreachable and out of your league. In your opinion, he deserved so much better than you.

And although you've told yourself to live this relationship day by day, enjoying the present and not questioning the future ... now you had to face what your future together would have been.

Because this wonderful star wanted you to live with him.

You were incredulous. You didn't know how all this could have been possible still, you were over the moon. You would have joined that precious star. You repeatedly nodded while a cute smile crept on your lips. - Yes. I will.

He smiled widely and pulled you into his embrace once again.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him as close to you as possible. You wanted to cry out of joy. You’ve never even dreamed of such a thing.

- If you don’t have to work, you can move in tomorrow. - he said, brushing your hair.

You pulled away a little from the hug and nodded again.

- Then, we can go to our favorite Italian restaurant. - he sweetly whispered, an inch from your lips.

You couldn’t control the big smile on your face or the sparkles filling your eyes. It wasn't just happiness. It was something bigger and you could feel it because your heart was about to explode. - You don’t know how much I love you. - you breathed, pressing your lips onto his.

Begrudgingly, he broke the kiss and stared at you. - What?

It took you a couple of seconds to realize what just happened. Then, you froze. Shit. Apparently, he really didn’t know how much you loved him. He didn’t know at all.

You mentally slapped yourself. My stupid fucking mouth. Couldn't I just shut up and kiss him?

You had never told him you loved him and in that moment, you had no idea what to do.

- Y/N. You just said you love me ... is that true? - he asked, studying your expression.

Your hands started to sweat. You didn’t want to confess, or at least not in this manner. But it was too late to go back on your feet. You had to be honest with him.

Despite you getting anxious, he deserved to know the truth. - Y-yes, it’s t-true. - you admitted, your voice shaky.

He furrowed his brow. - Why didn’t you tell me?

You answered trying your best not to avert his gaze. - I didn’t know if we were on the same page and I was afraid that if I had told you I would have scared you away. I indeed would have waited longer to tell ...

Chuuya abruptly interrupted you. - When did you think you would have told me?

- At the right time. -. You were not only afraid of scaring him away, but you were scared to be vulnerable too.

In the past, every time you trusted people, you always found yourself to be the only one in pain.

- If you don’t feel the same, it’s fine. -. It's a lie, a voice sang in your head.

Time by time, you grew to learn that if you opened your heart to someone, your heart would have been the one bleeding.

- But, please tell me. - you begged, holding your breath.

When you joined the Port Mafia, you believed that your policy would have been perfect for that kind of environment.

You didn't know how wrong you were.

In one of the most dangerous and cruel organizations, you unexpectedly found the truest relationships you've ever had.

And when you realized you were in love with him, you decided to keep it to yourself. You guessed you were just waiting to be ready to completely open your heart.

Fortunately, once again, Chuuya proved you had no reason to be afraid.

He sighed. - You’re such an idiot sometimes …

- I was j-just trying to p-protect me from … - you tried to reply, but he cut you off again.

- … but I still love you.

Everything stopped. The time, your breathing. You opened your mouth, trying to formulate a complete sense sentence, but no words came out. The only thing you could do was stare at him.

The redhead started to stroke your hair, encouraging you to speak your thoughts. - Y/N?

Your heart was racing and your head was spinning. You replied, stuttering. - … Y-you do?

- Yeah. I do love you. - he replied, his hands cupping your face.

You didn't doubt the truthfulness of his words, but a thought landed in your mind. - W-wait… if you love me, why haven't you said anything either?

- I wanted it to be special. - he explained, caressing your soft cheeks. - That's why I asked you to dinner at our first date's restaurant.

Just like you, Chuuya was waiting for the right moment. But, for different reasons.

He's never told anyone those three little words and since he knew you've never heard them, he wanted to do something unique. He has been planning to tell you for a while.

Firstly, he would have taken you where you had your first date. You two would have had a beautiful dinner, accompanied by suffused lights, sweet melodies, and a romantic panoramic view of Yokohama.

Then, he would have taken you for a walk near the river because he knew how much you liked night walks and the moon’s reflection on the water.

Afterward, you two would have gotten back to his penthouse and he would have given you a bouquet of your favorite flowers.

And, after a couple of sips from a bottle of red wine, you would have danced on the terrace under the starry night with the only sound of your beating hearts.

That.

That would have been the moment.

The moment you would have learned about his love towards you.

In front of those words, you felt guilty. He was so passionate and sweet ... and you were the worst. - I shouldn't have said anything.

Being aware of how romantic he was, you were a hundred percent sure that he already had planned something. - I ruined your plans. - you groaned, hiding your face behind your hands.

His eyes softened. He found you so cute.

- You did not. - he said, uncovering your face. - This won't change my plans.

You tilted your head. - You sure?

He nodded and looked at you affectionately. - I’m glad you told me. - he reassured you, kissing your forehead.

You could see his gleaming eyes were sincere and that made your heart get warm. - And thank you for loving me. - he added in a whisper.

You’ve never felt so lucky in your whole life. - I should be the one thanking you.

Chuuya stared deep into your eyes and you couldn't resist any longer. Your hands slithered up his neck and you leaned in to meet his lips. The kiss was gentle and sweet. He put his hands around your hips and kissed you back again and again and again.

Next, he paused and rested his forehead on yours. - Tell me again.

You looked at him lovingly. - I love you, Chuuya Nakahara. - you breathed, unable to hide a smile.

The redhead's heart started racing like crazy. He pulled you closer by wrapping his arms around you, hugging you tightly, and pressing his lips on yours once again. Your hands slowly reached his face and gently cupped his cheeks.

- I love you so damn much, Y/N Y/S. - he sweetly whispered between kisses.

Kiss by kiss, your mouth opened slightly and you could feel his tongue against your own. Then, Chuuya brought a hand up to clutch your hair, pulling you even deeper into the heavenly kiss and sending shivers down your back.

As the kiss intensified, you brought your hand behind his head, his hair ruffling between your fingers, and Chuuya lightly moaned into your mouth because of your enchanting touch.

The kiss got so passionate that you both sank deeper and deeper into each other, totally lost by the intensity of your actions.

When you finally pulled away, you both were out of breath. Chuuya stroked your cheek as he broke into a smile when his eyes met yours again.

- I think it's the perfect time for a 1964 Romanée-Conti bottle now. - he suggested, smirking.

You gulped. Saying that bottle of wine was expensive was an euphemism. - Chuu, you sure? I know it's very pricey. - you said, scratching the back of his neck.

- Yeah, 'm sure. - he replied, pecking your cheek. - And since I liked your earlier idea, what do you say you take two glasses and the wine while I take care of the hot bubble bath, mh? - he whispered against your lips.

- I’d love it. - you answered, kissing him one last time.

Chuuya took you in his arms and went inside to celebrate your relationship’s new chapter surrounded by bubbles and perfume.

Afterward, you both spent the rest of the night peacefully sleeping between the sheets of your soon-to-be shared bed.

don't repost, edit, translate, use, or copy my works on any platform. please. reblogs and feedback are welcome. thank you.

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cato616 · 11 months

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PREDICTABLE FEELING (part four)

kendall roy x fem reader

note: sorry i haven't been posting!! I've been kinda busy with uni and some other stuff

summary: it's the day where kendall finds out about your transfer to, not his dad, not shiv, but his brother roman; oh the many emotions that will build up once he finds out about this decision of yours.

parts: pt.1 // pt.2 // pt.3

content/warning: angst?/ fluff, degrading from roman? jealousy

You knew what effects it would have on kendall, being now the assistant of roman, in this case, knowing his history, he's not the type of person you would want to work with; kinda gross, pretty mean to his employees, actually that's pretty much everyone in the Roy family, but doesn't empathize that much like the rest, although he does from time to time, and oh, he has a type, but mostly has it for everyone he works with. Those are a few reasons why kendall will find this infuriating.

It's the next morning, and you're sleeping still; it was a long night of course. In your sleep, you were dreaming about being alone, in an abandoned city, no one in sight, full of green and large buildings surrounding you, nothing but yourself out there, until, you turn around and there it was kendall, kissing a mysterious woman behind you, so you tried to avoid it and started running, and as you may know, running in a dream, not really easy; may I also add, you were half naked, the dream was turning into a nightmare almost, kendall and the mysterious woman started to laugh at you, and you couldn't escape even when you had a whole city you could run around to. In conclusion, insecurity: check.

There was tho, an unfamiliar sound in that dream, like buzzing; The sound turned out to be from your phone, your eyes open, and immediately tried to grab the cellphone thinking it was an alarm, however, it wasn't an alarm, it was someone calling you; you rub your eyes, attempting to get your sight straight, you got out of bed, cleared your throat, and answered the call. "yes... who's this?" It was an unknown number. "wakey wakey dummy... uuh sorry I think I shouldn't talk to you like that from now on." You stand up from your bed, it made you react, it was roman on the other side. "I'm calling from an unknown number because someone tried to kill me and-" Roman starts chuckling, you weren't that amused with his attempted joke, as he tries to stop to compose himself so that he could continue talking to you. "sorry, I think this new decision of yours, made my life a little more interesting, this call by the way it's from my driver's phone, I forgot mine at my office-" Everything from last night were a bit of a blur. "wait- sorry, what... decision?" You didn't want to look unprofessional but you had to ask anyway. "I'm pretty sure it's you working for me? don't you remember?" You froze, as you connected those blurry fragments from when you were about to go to sleep, writing that email to roman. "right! yeah sorry, I just woke up, I remember." You did recall writing roman addressing your needs to transfer, of course, all because of kendall; that you do remember, he even appeared in your dream. "...sure, so I'll be there at my office shortly, you should be there too." You didn't know if you were crazy or if roman's voice was sounding mischievous, as if he was planning an evil scheme, but again, you were the one planning the whole thing.

Walking your way to Waystar, you kept thinking if this was the right call, was this revenge? trying to hurt kendall? or just to avoid him? The only thing you know is that it came over you just like that, last night; so, if deciding in a matter of second the need to be away from kendall, must be because of something.

You finally get to roman's office, he greets you first. "oh hey hey, come on in, quick." He didn't even let you speak for that matter, he was also very quiet, and quickly closed the door behind as soon as you stepped in. "so?... sorry, i really do wanna ask, how did he take it? did he start punching into walls or talked like an idiot... I am hurt, what you did wasn't cool, it wasn't, I didn't like it-" Roman was mimicking kendall in a mockingly way, as you stood still in front of him, analysing the situation. "... don't know why he's so direct and serious when confronting someone, he's a weird guy I must say, my poor brother." You zone back in. "hold on... what do you mean? I didn't tell him anything." Roman eyes lit up with excitement but he's brows showed confusion. "what do you mean you didn't tell him? he doesn't actually knows you're not his assistant anymore? that's- I feel like that's mean, was it supposed to be mean? or you just forgot?" Roman hit you with a hundred questions at a time, you back off a little bit. "all i can say, is that it was personal, and for even that reason, I decided to transfer, to you." Roman mockingly gasps as if he has heard the most interesting gossip. "I guess I misjudged you after all." You could read his face and whole body as he leaned closer, and his pupils dilated, that he was, flirting? It was surprising, but for some reason, you didn't want to stop him. You were hurt enough from yesterday to know you shouldn't let yourself hide crawled inside a cacoon; no, you let it flow. And because of that, roman seemed a bit stunned with your attitude, which it was, not stopping him. "mhm... weird you didn't fall back... you must really be touch deprived." holy shit. That's all you could think of.

As this weird tension was building up, someone stormed in the office, it was Kendall, you didn't think you would see him this early. You pushed yourself away from roman right after he walked in, you were on edge, mouth sealed, with eyes wide open. "roman what the hell it's this text you-" Kendall looked up, and sees you, he becomes speechless. He tries to slowly get closer to you, to say hi, and to talk; but you back away with your head bent down. Roman steps in the middle. "sorry bro, she's not yours anymore, I am in charge here." Kendall felt really jumbled with roman's cocky statement. "wha- what do you mean? is this what the text was about... hey, y/n what's happening here?" His eyes were looking at you when asking to you, but you were looking down the whole time. "yeah... it seems she's not answering to you, only to me." Roman shrugs, he's enjoying this. "you're gonna need to leave we have work to do, do you mind?" Roman slightly pushes kendall out of the room, as kendall tries to stay inside, couldn't take his eyes off of you, waiting for the slightest info to come from you. When roman got him to the door, he tells him to look at him, as he quietly speaks. "it wasn't my decision here, sorry to disappoint you, but it looks like someone preferred better quality time..."

Kendall frowns, his whole face is pure sadness, however, you didn't know, that his heart shattered a little bit, on the outside, on the inside tho, big time. His mind kept circulating back to last night, if he was crushed then, imagine this right moment. He began to feel in denial, of everything he was going through, he didn't need to be heartbroken, but here we are. Roman was waiving at him from behind the glass, as kendall felt pressured to leave, but again, hasn't taken his eyes off of you, hoping you two could lock eyes at any moment. For you, it wasn't revenge anymore, it was hurtful, for both of you, but, you have made your decision, it was too late to back up. Right before kendall left, he stopped staring from the other side of the glass, as he felt low-spirited, walking down the other way, with much less energy. "wasn't it too much?..." You asked roman feeling really guilty. Roman still watching his brother leaving that floor. "uuh- probably... can't believe he still gets sad like that." Roman did felt bad about it, but still kept on teasing his brother. He turns to you and focuses back again. "so, long story short, mostly it's just calls and coffee, I have other people who does more important stuff like that." Hopefully you didn't just downgrade your payment.

You were all day following around roman, and thankfully, he was easy on you, you thought it would be worse, but your mind wasn't at all calm, since yesterday. As for today, you've been distracting yourself a lot. "hellooo... come back- is your battery dead or something... hey!" Roman claps right in front of your face; you jumped and came out of trance. "sorry... I heard you, and yes, I've made that call this morning, she said said they would be glad to meet and make arrangements." Roman smirks, feels like a winner. "great... stay here, I've gotta do something else." You had no idea was roman was talking about, but it didn't sound too important, so you didn't care and stayed put, scrolling through your phone. At one point something catches your eye, you looked sideways, where the bathroom where, at the end of the hall; it was kendall going inside. It triggered you seeing him, you panicked, the dilemma was holding you back, gripping onto your pants, determinating which angle should you stand on; the obvious one, talk to him about this situation, maybe an apology... or avoid any sense of drama and move on. He was so close for you to make amends, just walking down the hall. Roman didn't come back yet, so you impulsively react, and decided to stand up, go straight to that bathroom.

Strong walk, really determined, looking straight to that door like if it were a matador and you the bull, about to face all kind of confrontation you're not comfortable with. However, as soon as you get to the men's bathroom door, you stopped walking, you start to get nervous, almost hyperventilating, this talk, not really your style, yours would be, not talking. But there you were, about to face him. You took two deep short breaths, look over the two sides of the hall, monitoring if anyone were witnessing, all clear, so you entered, slowly, trying not to make a sound. You walked in, silently, examined the restroom, lowered your torso enough to see how many feet there were inside, scanning each cubicle. There was only one, and you knew it was him. Only you and him in there. You hear a zip from his zipper, then opened the door of his cubicle, you jumped and hide behind one of those.

You didn't know why you were hiding in the first place, you were already inside, and he was going to see you there anyways, so, while he was washing his hands, you reveal yourself. Time to not make this awkward.

"hey, ken..." Kendall jumped, clearly thought he was completely alone in there. "jesus, you fucking scared me..." He laid back, zoned back in. "what- are you doing here?" you moved closer to him without saying a word, neither did he. You could spot some shine in his eyes the closer you got. "I wanted to talk about yesterday..." Kendall frowned for just a second, like an instant reaction. You try to get yourself together, to let out those words you had in your mind, avoiding his looks, while kendall was gazing at you. "it was all... probably a mistake, it happened all very quickly... so that's why I decided to-" Kendall puts his hand on top of yours, that was already resting on top of the sinks countertop, that's when you finally lock eyes with him. "in my opinion... it wasn't a mistake, I know that you tend to be insecure about this, I know who you are... but, you deserve to have some fun now and then... sorry I couldn't give that to you."

Something about that speech he probably had prepared down to tell you, made you vulnerable, and made you realized that perhaps he was right, it wasn't wrong. He looked a little bit embarrassed, thinking you may agree with him, but you tho, were making full straight eye contact, contemplating him whole. While making eyes at him the full time, you slowly moved your hand to grab his, making a slight strong grip. It was a non-verbal gesture, very much your style, to let him know that you forgave him, and wanted to have that fun he was talking about. Kendall glanced over your hands, and then back to you, he understood what you were trying to say. It was with him

#kendall roy succession #kendall succession #kendall roy x reader #kendall roy x you #kendall roy #succession #succession fic #roman roy succession #roman roy #fem reader #y/n #writing #fluff #part four

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palmtreepalmtree · 9 months

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I honestly don't know if I can do Rosh Hashanah this year. There is so much baggage I'm carrying with my family right now. There's a part of me that just wants to drive away. But I don't think I can do that to my mom, and also that's just avoiding the issues.

The biggest thing is that I haven't really seen my brother-in-law since my niece's bat mitzvah in January. It wasn't intentional, but it wasn't unintentional either. I definitely let it happen. He's been having issues with my sister and while they've reconciled or are working on things, I have not forgiven him or let shit go. I have always had issues with him. But me being me, I always just kept my silence and tried to avoid confrontation.

Then he was unkind to my mom last year in a big family blow up where he complained about how he was treated in our house. As it was, I always felt that I had to work so hard to cater to his ego in our house, and that blow up just made me feel like what was the fucking point. Now more than ever I feel this heightened need to be careful around him. I pretty much just ignored him at the bat mitzvah, but he'll be staying in the house so of course I can't do that now. And apparently ignoring him was part of the problem. I can't believe how much emotional work I am doing to accommodate this person.

And to make matters more complicated, his brother will be visiting from out of town. Our house is pretty full already - I already give up my bedroom to accommodate my sister and brother-in-law. Now this guy is going to be sleeping on the den floor. He's perfectly nice, I guess, (though we're both lawyers and that can be sort of a thing iykyk), but what adult man decides to sleep on a futon in the middle of the house instead of just getting a hotel room? He's a big law lawyer, he can afford it. I would never. I barely want to stay with friends when they have a guest room (am I weird about this btw?).

And then there's my cousin and her in-laws. Firstly, my cousin is sicker all the time with cancer. I think she might be close to the end of her fight. Which is a heartbreaking thing to say about someone I adore, someone I grew up with, who is 45 years old, and has three children in their teens. She is fighting so hard, but she's in treatment three days a week, and she will never stop for the rest of her life. I'm happy she'll be coming, but I worry about her being around the 19 other people.

And then her in-laws are coming, and they are bringing their 100-year-old matriarch, who is a wonderful woman, but she is 100 years old, no one ever talks to her except me and my mom, and I don't know who is risking bringing someone like that around a place with 19 other people right now.

AND my cousin is not on the best terms with her mother-in-law. That's too complicated to get into here, but it's not the most pleasant thing in the world. As it is, they are not my favorite people. We've known them and included them for almost 20 years at this point, and over the years it has become clearer and clearer how different my values are from theirs when it comes to money and society. They're not Trump people, but they're definitely Rick Caruso people.

All of that is the backdrop to this dinner that I will be helping my mom to host for 20 people. She will be very stressed so I expect to get yelled at a lot tomorrow. And we're the type of people who smile and get along and pretend, while seething inwardly.

And it's not just like everyone goes home at the end of the night. I'll still have my brother-in-law and his brother at the house, probably all weekend. And I'm obligated to sit through like four hours of services on Saturday in the middle of this. All while not having my own private space to retreat to at the end of it until the family leaves.

Seriously, the more I type this, the more I think I should just leave. But I would never do that to my mom.

#long post #i just need my own house #but hahahahahaha jk #seriously thanks to anyone who read all this whining

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foster-the-world · 3 months

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Why do I get my hopes up

Remember how I thought they found a special ed provider? Well I was wrong. I signed the authorization form but now there is no start date. Lots of emails, phone calls, no response except "I emailed and haven't heard from them."

Now I have to do the due process hearing tomorrow. I'm glad I had the foresight not to cancel. But I would have prepared a great deal more. Dreading every second of it. Taking unpaid leave off work since I haven't earned leave, yet. Which adds insult to injury.

Also, baby boy had a big outburst yesterday. Knocking over chairs, not listening, etc. He's high energy but this is not normal. He's been doing well in school. Had his parent teacher conference last week- nothing like that mentioned at all. All good reports on his benchmarks - letters, etc. Teacher said "she loved him." A week back she told my husband intelligence wise he's "#1 in the class." Probably not appropriate to say but not bad to hear. Last night we made a big deal out of his bad behavior. Not much we can do but talk to him but we talked a lot. Today we got our first call home about the same bad behavior. He was climbing on the book shelf, running out of the class, threw a milk bottle down. He hasn't done this all year. Nothing at all has changed at home. It's daylight savings time but he still got his normal 12 hours of sleep last night. At a loss for what to do. I told the teacher I could come get him but I'm afraid it would make him do it again. He likes school but his preference is always to be with me. She said they didn't want that. Tonight we tried not mentioning the bad behavior at all. We are wondering if making a big deal out of it somehow perversely makes him do it again. Talking about it certainly didn't help. Not saying its a good idea we just don't know what else to do. He was an angel at home and the playground. Sharing his toys, making new friends, etc, etc.

Emailed the school assistant principal, counselor, teacher, etc. Said we would love to work together to come up with a solution. Cc'd the special ed lady who is supposed to find him providers. Explained in the email they haven't found him providers and hoped that she would provide insight. No response so far. Blah.

If he keeps acting like that at school we will have to pull him out. Its a public school so they can't kick him out (or at least not easily) but we aren't going to let him make his teachers/classmates miserable. They deserve a safe, calm classroom. I guess we would try to find a daytime sitter. We have a few options.

Before that we are thinking we will pay the crazy, insane amount of money for a special ed provider out of pocket if the hearing does not go our way tomorrow. Ten hours per week will cost roughly the same as my take home pay as a full-time nurse. We had talked about paying for four hours - which was more manageable in our budget. But with this kind of behavior that won't be enough. In theory, it will only be for three months.

If I had a really stressful job I would be considering giving it up, if this behavior continues. It seems like a full time job trying to get these services and he could stay home with me until we figure it out. Financially, we could afford for me to stay home another yearish based off the money we made selling our home. However, this job will eventually be a really good job as a parent. There will always be time for me to do some family logistic stuff during the day. At some point I can work from home two days a week. Once sick leave/PTO kicks in I'll have a lot. FMLA benefits are generous. I have a union. In the long run I'm sure I could negotiate time off to figure out his needs if it so requires. Its just a shitty time for all of this to be going down because I only started six weeks ago. Not to mention I want to work. I went to nursing school for a reason. So far, I really like the work. I started trying to get him services last May. How in the world does he still only have a half hour out of the 13 hours he is assigned? Its all so depressing.

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dumbass-tumbler-cryptid · 11 months

Note

Hi do you have any thoughts on Spider (modern au) with cystic fibrosis?

Interesting question! I saw that you also asked @lost-girl-2021 this question so I'll do my best to not repeat anything she said and focus more on how this would play out in my modern au Cabin in the Woods.

Disclaimer though, I actually didn't know a thing about cystic fibrosis until I watched a hand full of videos on it last night. I watched a video from the mayo clinic just talking about what it is, how its diagnosed and how its treated then I watched videos from kids with cystic fibrosis talking about how they manage there symptoms so that is the extent of my knowledge on the subject.

So my thoughts:

Quaritch and Paz weren't close with either of there families so they had no idea cystic fibrosis even ran in there families. From the videos I watched both parents have to have the gene for a child to get CF so maybe they both had a great grandparent that had it giving Spider a 1/8 chance of getting it.

They were shocked to say the least when only six weeks after his birth there baby was screened and diagnosed with CF

I imagine on the outside they would seem to just roll with it but on the inside they're both devastated.

They learn everything they can to help there son cope, studying different therapies, all the different medications, and any life adjustments they could make to make Spider's life as easy and comfortable as possible.

They have the best of everything too, the best nebulizer, the best setup for vest therapy, the best emergency supplies.

They are so well educated and well supplied that by the time Spider is one both his parents could step in as emergency services at the drop of hat.

Of course life gets flipped on its head after Paz is killed, and Quaritch is sent to jail for trying to kill her killer.

Quaritch would be freaking out every moment he's away from his son.

Because he's so determined to get Spider back as quickly as possible he wouldn't even bother to try to legally regain custody. That takes too much time and his son needs him now.

So from prison Quaritch is instructing team Deja Blue, having them set up a get away home with all the supplies they could possibly need.

In the Cabin in the Woods prologue Quaritch gets out of jail when Spider in four, and he goes just to look at his son in the group home.

In this the time line would be the same but instead of just going to see him, Quaritch would just sneak in in the middle of the night and take his sleeping child straight from his bed.

No one would even notice that Spider was gone until about noon the next day.

By that point Quaritch would be long gone.

That morning the four year old would wake up in the backseat of a truck, incredibly confused, but once his Papa explains to him what's happening he easily excepts it, thinking there just on a fun adventure.

So I still haven't found a way to write in locations of things in Cabin in the Woods but in my head Spider originally lived in or around Washington D.C before his dad kidnapped him. The cabin is all the way in Colorado. In this though I feel like Quaritch would want to get out the country but he wouldn't want to not live in America so as a happy medium he runs to Alaska where there's a cabin in the woods in the remote wilderness waiting for him.

In case of emergency this cabin is only about an hour away from the nearest hospital and town, and isn't nearly as hard to get to as the cabin in my actual story.

I already write Quaritch as being insanely controlling and over protective and that would just increase by 100 here.

When Spider is little he has no issue with his dads constant hovering, but as he gets older it starts to get anoying.

Because he really has no freedom. They stick to an incredibly strict schedule, vest therapy for twenty minutes twice a day, a regimen of medication and supplements always taken at the exact same time, extremally large healthy meals (that boy has never had a piece of candy or a drop of soda in his entire life) daily exercise to keep his lungs strong. All with his dad monitoring him the entire time.

It gets even worse when Quaritch learns about health tracking watches. He's never bought something so fast in his entire life and he practically locks it onto his son's wrist.

Spider is homeschooled too of course, mainly because he's a kidnapping victim (but he doesn't know that. He was way to young to remember everything that happened after his mama's death and Quaritch just told him his mama died in an accident and that they've always lived in there home) but also because his dad doesn't want him around anything or anyone that could potentially get him sick.

Spiders CF is so well managed though that you wouldn't even be able to tell that he has it. Sometimes he even forgets that he has it.

As he gets older he'll start to push for more freedoms and that will only make Quaritch hold on harder.

Anyway those are my thoughts. Hope you enjoyed! 💙

#miles spider socorro #miles quaritch #spider socorro #colonel miles quaritch #paz socorro #cabin in the woods

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sarah-denial-cq · 1 year

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Lot to Process

I don't know how many people here remember pet shop girl. She wrote about her first cuckquean experience and how it really wasn't in line with her expectations and how it was really difficult.

Last night Rose and I shared a bed with a friend I'll call Megan. We had all been close flirty friends for a while. Megan was definitely interested in me but also got more and more interested in Rose over time. Before this weekend's trip Rose had kind of asked if I'd be okay with sex happening and I'd probably mumbled something like psg did all those years okay, to the effect of "I guess if you want to"

Last night we all got to bed around 1am. All of us are wearing pyjamas. I quickly got in bed (I sleep on the right side) and start trying to fall asleep. I was expecting Rose to sleep in the middle but Megan did. As I try to fall asleep (fully still and everything), I hear them starting to whisper.

Then kiss.

I don't know what to do. I feel frozen. Eventually the kissing turns much heavier. I hear heavy breathing from both of them. I'm stuck in spot. Megan shifts position and digs an elbow into my back. The kissing gets more lewd and obscene sounding and the bed is shaking more. More whispers. I maybe hear "so hot" and "are you sure it's okay"

After about half an hour of freezing up I feel them get up and leave the room giggling. I hear "bedroom" - the place we're in has four. The door closes.

Quarter to three, I haven't slept at all. The two of them sneak back in, giggling. I'm still frozen in the same spot, as if I've been asleep the whole time. I haven't slept at all. Megan leaves and Rose gets into bed to start cuddling me, she's naked.

I feel so confused. This wasn't sexy. I wasn't involved at all. I feel like I don't know what I should have done differently or if it's not fair to feel this way or if I should try to fetishize it to get over it or if it's my fault somehow that everyone else had a good time and thought what they were doing was fine.

The three of us are all still here for another full day and night, along with some other friends. I slept maybe 3 hours. At some point I'm going to have to get up to have breakfast with everyone.

#lesbian #cuckquean #rose #denial

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thetempleofthemasaigoddess · 7 months

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Red-Haired Shanks headcanons

This is mainly based on the live action continuity, where nothing has (yet) been told about Shank's past. When I mention his old crew's captain and first mate, though, the manga/anime fans will know who i'm talking about...

*****

🧑‍🦰 He got his red hair from his mother, who was a dancer; she died when his child was four. Shanks still thinks he remembers the scarlet mane reaching down her hips, and how she danced in the house holding him in her arms, but since he was so young, he fears those images are more fantasies than memories.

🧑‍🦰 He was born in a tiny village in the East Blue, not unlike Foosha but located in the hinterland of the island. He ran away from home at seven to escape from a violent stepfather, walked a whole day to the nearest port, and hid on board of the first pirate ship he found. He was able to stay hidden for four days, stealing food from the galley and sleeping in the hold.

🧑‍🦰 Then, the first mate found him; they were already far from the coast and Shanks feared they would throw him overboard, as is common with stowaways, but the captain let him stay as a chore boy. The man never had to ever regret his decision, and Shanks became a full member of the crew on his fifteenth birthday.

🧑‍🦰 He never went to school. It was the first mate of his old crew who taught him to read, write and count, and then everything a sailor, and a future captain, had to know.

🧑‍🦰 Buggy and Shanks were the sort of friends who argue all the time but would always and in any case defend each other. Shanks was soon aware Buggy's feelings for him were shifting from deep but simple friendship towards something else; not reciprocating, and hating he was going to disappoint his friend and break his heart, Shanks decided the best thing he could do was put some distance between them, hoping Buggy's feelings would lessen and they could go back to being friends. Unfortunately they didn't, and Buggy had the impression his best friend had gotten tired of him and was now avoiding him; this broke his heart worse than any love disappointment ever could, and their friendship broke soon after.

🧑‍🦰 Shanks doesn't get embarrassed easily, but when he does, his whole body blushes, the redness spreading to his whole face, his chest and even his tummy. Hence his youth nickname, "The Lobster". Buggy was the one to give it to him, and he was the only one Shanks accepted hearing it from.

🧑‍🦰 He can wear earrings on both sides. He doesn't wear a piercing, but he also has a third hole, the result of a night of debauchery he barely remembers when he was twenty, on an intimate part of his anatomy, that no one in his crew has ever seen.

🧑‍🦰 As an adult, Shanks had to recognize he could have handed things better; when he tried to talk to Buggy, the other refused to listen, embarrassed and heart-broken at the thought his feelings had been (and still were) unreciprocated. He refused Shanks' offer to join his crew, which broke Shanks' heart; the two haven't spoken since Shanks and his men entered the Grand Line to look for the One Piece. Each of them still considers the other their best friend, but their relationship has soured forever.

🧑‍🦰 Shanks can't have children, because of an illness he had in his youth; his ship's doctor told him after a routine visit. He never particularly wanted to become a father, not to mention a pirate ship is not a safe place for a child, but sometimes, when he looked at Luffy, he couldn't help wondering, and fantasizing...

🧑‍🦰 He first met Mihawk in an inn; he was more than a little tipsy, and he got dared by his men to seduce him. Obviously it didn't work, but when Mihawk, annoyed, threatened to cut Shanks in half with Yoru if the other man didn't leave him alone, and Shanks didn't even bat an eye, the swordsman was intrigued... and secretely disappointed the other man had approached him on a dare.

🧑‍🦰 They both consider the other a good friend; the only difference is that Mihawk couldn't utter those words even under the threat of death... and he has so few friends the term good is relative.

🧑‍🦰 Shanks Is biromantic-demisexual. He finds it easier to sleep with men, but he has so few opportunities to meet and form an emotional bond with someone new, he hasn't had sex in ages and is fine with it. He occasionally masturbates and is so vocal he could be heard by the whole ship (which is something no one wants) if he didn't hide his face in his pillow.

🧑‍🦰 He has a surprisingly low tolerance for alcohol, with two being his limit most of the time. He is an happy drunk, the kind to sing, dance and kiss whoever is not quick enough to get away when under the influence; he feels horrible when hangover but recuperates quickly enough.

🧑‍🦰 He considers Benn his best friend together with Buggy, as well as the older brother he never had. When they were younger, one night Shanks got completely plastered, kissed him and clumsily tried to take him to bed. Benn sighed, carried Shanks to his cot and held his forehead while he puked into a bucket. They never spoke about it again, but Shanks was secretely relieved, and ashamed of what he had done even though Benn had already forgotten.

🧑‍🦰 His favourite food is meat - any kind, as long as Lucky Roux is the one cooking it.

🧑‍🦰 He likes to sing, especially with the rest of the crew. He couldn't carry a tune to save his life.

🧑‍🦰 Shanks has met Zeff twice.

🧑‍🦰 His amputation wound stopped hurting relatively quickly, but ten years later, occasionally Shanks feels as if he still has his arm, so much that he instinctively tries to use it to grab things or open a door. A couple of times he even tried to clap.

🧑‍🦰 He is not less strong, dangerous or capable than before losing his arm; rather he is even more so, because people who see him tend to underestimate him.

🧑‍🦰 He wears sandals and pants with elastic waistband because tying shoelaces and fastening buttons is hard when you only have one hand; nevertheless, occasionally he still wears button-up shirts... sometimes unfastened down to his navel.

🧑‍🦰 He killed his first man when he was twelve, to defend himself, and he was horrified. He has never killed a man without a good reason.

🧑‍🦰 Some say he loves Luffy because he sees himself in the boy; he doesn't. He loves Luffy (among other things) because he knows the child has the potential to surpass him.

🧑‍🦰 His dearest memory, besides the ones that concern Luffy and his mother, is about that time at sixteen he saw a mermaid jumping out of the water. Someone (including Buggy, who was jealous he had seen nothing) told him it had probably been a large fish or a seal, but the captain believed him.

🧑‍🦰 The worst moment of his life, even worse than the loss of his arm or his first kill, was the day he had to euthanize a man of his crew. The man had been wounded during a battle, the doctor had told Shanks he was beyond help but it could take him days to die. Shanks told the doctor to distract the patient, he pressed the barrel of his gun to the man's chest, and shot him in the heart. It was the only thing to do, many of his men told him, the most humane, the one his victim himself would have chosen, had he had the chance. It was also the only time in thirty-two years Shanks regretted having pursued his dream to become a pirate.

#One Piece #One Piece Live Action #OPLA #Shanks #Red-Haired Shanks #Peter Gadiot #Shanks headcanons #Red-Haired Shanks headcanons #Bellona's stuff

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unhinged-summer-fun · 2 years

Text

in sickness and in health

Written for Danktober 2022 Day 10: Pregnancy, Crabby, and World Mental Health Day

Frankie Morales x F!Reader "Wifey" (22+ only)

Summary: It's your third trimester. You've been wandering the house after dark, searching for the self you'd loved just briefly.

Warnings: Body image issues, pregnancy, negative self-talk, brief mentions of PTSD symptoms and damage to one's mental health due to disordered eating. Fear.

A/N: decided to take this opportunity to lean really really hard into proper wife guy culture instead of feeling shame for perpetuating the topic. Frankie's a good husband.

[full danktober list here]

[Don't Call Me Wifey series masterlist]

If you are experiencing severe emotional distress, suicidal ideations, or thoughts of harming yourself, please seek professional help. While it seems tempting to reach out to strangers on Tumblr and spill your trauma and problems and dark thoughts into their inboxes, you do not have explicit consent to do that.

You do have consent to call a hotline for these topics. In the US, you can dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. If you are outside the US, this is an up-to-date directory of international suicide hotline numbers.

Note: this fic in particular does not cover the topics of suicide or self-harm, but seeing as it's World Mental Health Day, I wanted to spread awareness of these resources. Thank you. <3

P.S. It's also National Kick-Ass Day. But I think mental health is pretty kick-ass anyway.

P.P.S. The elephant in the dividers represents the mascot for Mental Health Awareness, Ellie! Don't be afraid to address the mental health elephant in your room.

"Mama, what are you doing up?" Frankie asked from the doorway. You'd been getting out of bed several times a night recently, just wandering around the house like you were looking for something. Whenever he asked, you'd clam up and wouldn't want to talk about it, and you were starting to worry him.

You were seven months pregnant, and definitely showing how far along your daughter was growing inside you. Frankie knew you adored carrying his child, and his compassion couldn't read minds, but he could tell you weren't the happiest with how your body looked recently, or what it would continue to look like after giving birth. You put your hands on your lower back and finally faced him, showing him the tear tracks on your face.

"Mama, what's wrong, what's got you crying?" he asked, rushing over and gathering you up in his embrace. He still had that sleep-warm heat radiating off of him, and you focused on that feeling while you spoke.

"I've been having nightmares," you admitted. Frankie tensed. He got nightmares too, from his time in the service and flying in warzones, but this was different, he knew. "They're silly to talk about, but so, so scary when I'm in them."

"Don't say that, your fears are never silly. Let's sit down, over here, comfy spot." He directed you to the couch, specifically the corner you'd designated as yours, the comfy spot. "What's on your mind, baby?"

"I've been dreaming about… about you leaving me. Because I'm too much. Too much weight, take up too much space, too much of your energy and time, too much room in our bed—"

"Whoa, whoa, hold on baby," Frankie said before you got too frantic. He looked devastated that you felt like this. "How long has this been going on?"

"Since the pop." Since you started showing that you were pregnant. Frankie rested his head on your shoulder for a moment, gathering himself.

"Why haven't you told me this until now?" he asked. "That was almost four months ago."

"Because I want you to only see that I like being pregnant, Frankie!" you said, temper flaring from one end of the spectrum to the other in an instant. The shock on his face had you bursting into tears. "I just don't like myself."

He stammered for a moment, not sure how to proceed with so much happening in front of him. "Have you told Dr. Ha about this?" he asked, knowing you probably told your therapist your feelings. You nodded through your tears. "What did they say about it?"

"That they're irrational fears left over from when I used to be self-critical, and the pregnancy hormones are pulling out all the stops and won't let me rest or enjoy this." Your hand idly traced over your belly, round and full and sometimes active way too early in the morning. You smiled sadly at it. "I'd just started getting used to liking my body when it started to change again, and now I'm caught between loving how I feel and fearing how I look."

Frankie nodded and put a hand over yours on your baby. "Do you know why I make sure to tell you how beautiful you are to me?" he asked gently, almost in a dazed voice. You shook your head no, and he told you.

"You are worth making sure you know I love you. You are worth more to me than numbers and measurements and scales and sizes. You've always meant more to me than that. Whenever I'd tell you about how beautiful you are, back when we were first dating, you used to look so sad. Like I couldn't understand that I was wrong.

"But I know what it's like to kick yourself for whoever's in the mirror looking less than perfect. I know what it's like to deny yourself love for the sake of your self-esteem. I know all that. And I know that little voice in your head that says I'll leave if this, I'll leave if that, it shuts up when I talk because it's not you saying it. And me talking had never been enough to stop you from talking."

You laughed, sniffling through your tears. His face matched yours, wet and smiling.

"So I try to quiet that voice whenever I can, baby. Whenever I can, I try to make you smile, make you laugh. You know why? Seeing your smile quiets that voice in my head, too."

Thanks for reading! See y'all tomorrow for some Daddy Whiskey!

#frankie morales x reader #f!reader #pedro pascal fanfiction #unhingery #danktober 2022 #love that the post scheduler isn't fuckin stupid anymore so i can schedule this to be posted at 10/10 10:10 am

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accio-sriracha · 6 months

Text

The Marauders and Lily Evans.

~~~♤~~~

Intro chapter to a fic I haven't worked on in a while but plan to (hopefully) complete soon-ish!

Let me know what you guys think <3

~~~♤~~~

The Marauders were the boys who refused to give up on a world that gave up on them. And they wouldn't have it any other way.

They were trailblazers, unafraid of being different, or making noise, or taking up space.

Anyone who saw them huddled together on the common room floor, or joking and wrestling under a tree by the black lake would say they were the happiest group of friends in the world.

They were reckless late nights and later mornings filled with wild laughter and infectious smiles. They were bonded as brothers, being the only true family some of them had, or at least the only ones worth counting on.

They were courageous, Gryffindor proud and not afraid to take on a bully or two regardless of who they were. They got into more trouble than they should and far less than they wanted to.

The Marauders were a force to be reckoned with, but they were also a safe place to go when you needed a friend, a group of boys who understood better than anyone else would, boys who cared, who cried, and who loved like no other.

Being with them was like sitting safely in the middle of a raging fire, warm and exillerating, a little wild at times but with the promise that they would make sure you'd be alright.

They were supposedly an arrogant jock, a punk-rock arsehole, a nerdy prefect, and a cowardly fourth wheel.

But in truth; James was the most caring person of the group. He looked after the others, reminding them to eat their food and get some sleep. He loved just as deeply as he laughed loudly. He lived life like he only had one day to make it all count, and would drop everything in a moments notice for someone in need. He spent six years chasing the same girl and never went a day without reminding his friends how much he loved them.

Sirius was secretly a softie, a hopeless romantic at heart with love of cheesy rom-coms and all things Remus Lupin. He sang in the shower and would die if he went too long without physical affection. He embraced his friends without a second thought and wasn't ashamed when Mrs. Potter kissed his cheek in public. He traded hair tips with some of the Ravenclaw girls and once let a first year Slytherin borrow his eyeliner. He loved hard, and once he found someone he cared for he never let them go.

Remus was the mastermind of half the Marauders pranks, he swore excessively and dog-eared his pages in his more well-read books. He called his friends idiots and laughed when they fell down, but was always the first to offer them a hand up. It takes a long time for him to trust but he always keeps his word. He has a sharp mind and even sharper tongue and could probably kill a man with just one glare. He's fiercely protective of his friends and would do anything for each of them.

Peter is the heart of the group, he's the one who brings the snacks during study group and reminds James to take care of himself too. He makes all four of their beds during the week of the full moon and keeps a stash of chocolates in his bag for Remus-related emergencies. He's always the first one to hug Sirius and James after a quidditch match regardless of the score, and never says no to a game of gobstones. He always pretends to hate it when they tell him how important he is to them but really it makes him feel incredible. His love is pure and straight from the heart and the boys consider themselves lucky to have him around.

The Marauders were much, much more under the surface than you'd expect. They were a family. An odd one, sure, but full of love and promises of forever.

And for Lily Evans?

They were home.

~~~♤~~~

#harry potter #marauders #marauders era #remus lupin #sirius black #james potter #peter pettigrew #lily evans #marauders headcanon #marauders fanfiction #marauders fic #the marauders #wip #marauders wip #ao3 #wattpad #original fic #i have so many wips its not even funny

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thescribblings · 14 days

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Question; if this's your future leo after war what about the rest of his brothers? Are they dead? Alive? And what are they doing?

Ooo, you're asking the big plot related questions 👀

I haven't gotten into this part of my AU yet due to, well, not being able to properly tell the story. But since you asked so nicely :]

LORE INFODUMP TIME!

(Seriously this got out of hand so fast-)

Here's a bit copied and pasted from my personal notes

*ninpo, he's more practiced than leo due to his portals vanishing at age 20-30, he doesn't need his nagamaki to portal anymore, and is very skilled with his portals all in all.

-can create countless tiny apple sized portals as long as he has enough focus to plan the trajectory of the apple, he can do tricks like that with little difficulty, and loves using it in battle

-he can phase his body between reality and the portal dimension, letting him pass through physical objects, and people

-he can summon his nagamaki, but he can also summon Leo's swords, depends what mental state he's in, along with which is closer. Same goes for teleporting to his, or Leo's weapon

*his inability to portal wasn't due to having lost his ninpo, per se, he had just used it up, kinda like being burnt out, but on a whole nother level

-his ninpo vanished due to his body using it as a life source, keeping him alive, at the very least. It did have severe side effects, his ninpo making up for skipped meals, dehydration, lost sleep and more.

-ninpo side effects consisted of being severely underweight from his habit to skip meal after meal, his scales dry and dull from his lack of water, and a constant wear and tear on his body from the lack of sleep for nights on end. When he'd finally crash due to his energy literally running out, he'd collapse on the spot, passing out and finally getting some well deserved sleep

-after appearing in the past, his body was so used to its survival tactics that he couldn't sleep, despite the undeniable safety. he couldn't eat without a trashcan in arms reach, and after his third time violently upchucking his food he avoided eating entirely, having to get iv fluids and a feeding tube with the lightest nutritional liquid they could manage, instead. He did still drink water, after marveling at how clean it was

-to combat the previous point, they slowly started introducing foods easy on the stomach more and more, eventually deciding to have him snack throughout the day instead of full meals. To help with his sleep issues, they tried giving him a small dose of a drug to knock him out, he didn't like it but it worked for the most part, casey would often spend the night in the medbay with him as a comfort for them both.

*His brothers, after meditating and talking with karai for the first time since his portals vanished, he saw three pairs of eyes staring into his, across from him. his brothers signature colours were swirling around him. He then passed out, and the colours shot out in a multicolored shockwave of sorts, wrecking his surroundings. his recovered ninpo completely drained from his body in mere seconds. In this scenario his ninpo had been drained despite his brothers ninpo having fused with his own, this however means that when he recovers his ninpo, it's as strong as the four of them combined, along with being multicolored from then on.

-he wasn't aware of what happened, afterwards, not remembering the encounter with his brothers

-his ninpo started recovering four times as fast, which wasn't a lot, but it was an improvement

-the stronger his ninpo got, the more his brothers could interract with the world. They were completely invisible, and not really there physically for the first few weeks, but as their ninpo grew, they started doing things around the lair, Akari (donatello) going into his counterparts technology, leaving notes on how to fix coding, improve tech. Michaelangelo helping everyone out with aches, illness, bad moods etc, giving them a mental and physical boost. Raphael protecting them by redirecting projectiles, acting as a shield if necessary, and even helping them find things they misplaced.

-eventually his brothers are visible to mikey, but the transition from invisible to visible was freaky, seeing glimpses of eyes, tall silhouettes around corners, feeling watched, the horror movie experience. Unlike mikey, the others needed to activate their ninpo to be able to see his brothers, but the latter are always capable of physically interracting with the world

-later on donnie and Akari work together to create cloaking brooch esque pendants that let his brothers be visible to the naked eye

-his brothers can still use their ninpo seperately, but they're usually careful, as they could easily drain nardo if it got out of hand

Here's just a bit of clarifying info ig?

Orions brothers are dead, they're tethered to him, in a way, but they're not stuck to him. The further away from him they are the less of their ninpo he has access to, it causes them no harm to wander around and he encourages them to live their lives the way they want to, and not just stick around him because them leaving affects him, it just so happens to be that they want to be around their brother, their family.

Like i said, it causes them no harm to wander, including Orion. Physically, at least (more on that later). Ori is just fine with just his own ninpo, he's still as powerful as he needs to be to protect himself and those he loves,

Their fused ninpo works kinda like a tracker, if Ori were to lose his brothers he could search until he felt more of their ninpo, and then follow that until he finds them, so on and so forth.

when they're all together, everyone can feel the others ninpo, Ori is just the vessel when they're together. This does however mean that one of, or all of Orions brothers could accidentally drain all of their ninpo, so they usually stay out of petty fights and let Ori handle them, but if there's something that needs a bit more teamwork? You'll get to see what they can *really* do when they fight as a unit

If their ninpo were to be completely drained, Orion would pass out and his brothers would fade and be put into a foggy dreamlike state, they won't be solid or visible anymore until their ninpo recovers. By the time he wakes up again he'll be exhausted, dizzy, and suffering from a horrible migraine.

This dreamlike state is how they first came to be in the present, after he spoke with karai and triggered the explosive reaction in the training room, The little bit of ninpo he'd recovered was completely drained. Which led to him collapsing on the spot and waking up a few minutes later, dizzy and with the worst migraine he'd ever experienced. After this, his ninpo recovered four times faster than before, but he wasn't aware that his brothers were with him again

As his ninpo recovered, his brothers became more tangible and aware, their perception growing clearer by the day. Eventually they started kinda haunting their family, in their own unique ways

Aaaand here's a whole set of notes on Orion and facts under the cut :p

(All words btw, it is split up a bit and i think i made it okay to read?)

*specifics

-weight, 230 kg

-height, 7'4, 223cm

-age, 40

-calorie intake, 6377, eats 1600cal meals, usually getting the last 1500 through snacking

*Will throw out food (especially meat) the day after it expires, the smell of rotted meat is too reminiscent of krang/sickness. Any and all leftovers are eaten within days most times, often not more than two as he has nothing against eating the same food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner

*often very resourceful, knows survival tactics and avoids wasting food (the previous point being an exception), is usually a very efficient meal planner, he's an omnivore, but he likes to lean more towards a carnivorous, protein rich and high fat diet. occasional keto meals

-any type of meat, often favoring red meats

-most fruits, berries, favorite is peach (sliced)

-any and all nuts, common snack, but he does also like incorporating them in meals

-vegetable enthusiast, loves trying different combinations and adding them in smoothies and the like

-has a sweet tooth, usually satisfies it with fruits, rather than candy and the such, although he does eat the occasional pastry, in moderation

-He avoids overly sugary foods, as they affect his more feral state, making him jittery, paranoid, and anxious, similar to being overcaffeinated

*basically immune to spice due to tastebuds being obliterated by the atrocious sensations he had to put them through

-figured this out when he had no issues eating one of mikey's extra spicy meals, leo tried a bite and struggled with the sheer amount of spice mikey had crammed in there

-it's a 'can handle spice' scenario, rather than a 'can't feel spice' scenario, find something outrageously spicy and he'll still have the typical 'ate something too spicy' reaction; reclined, fanning face, sweaty, flushed, panting with a slight grin, the masochist.

-he likes spicy food, since it scratches a masochism itch in his brain, though he rarely goes over his spice tolerance

*coffee enthusiast, his energy levels are on an all time low, so he can rely on the stimulant a bit much. Around five cups on bad days, though he tries to limit himself to max three, most days

*stress stims

-clicking in back of throat, very common one, usually represses it

-scratching at self, pants, furniture

-rubbing prosthetic thigh, often when phantom pains flare up

-compulsive hissing, uncommon, usually if he feels threatened, rather than stressed

-bursts of growling, more common than hissing, usually used as a "back off" sound, also if he feels threatened

-fiddling with clothes, nearby object, bracelet, nearby person

*sometimes, to comfort someone he'll start humming very quietly, not to be heard, but felt. The vibrations of his voice a comforting sensation to his family

-he started doing this in a desperate attempt to quiet casey down as a kid, when they couldn't afford to make noise, then it stuck

*has his occasional 'off day' where his feral tendencies are greatly exaggerated, memories of off days tend to be foggy. Easy to trigger episodes during off days

*despite his over all lack of energy, he loves exercise and is borderline a workaholic at times, the others having stepped in on numerous occasions when he starts getting too close to 'won't be able to walk tomorrow' territory.

-his favorite thing is running, will often go on early morning, late night, midnight, mid day runs, sometimes multiple a day, but usually just his daily ones

-enjoys the peacefulness of yoga, flexibility training, compared to his other interests

-weight lifting multiple times a week