#also i know stephs been in the game longer than clark i just wanted to make the point

[weallpartyatybcpatricksfuneral]

I say "caitlin clark is the female steph currey" and no one bats an eye. but I say "steph currey is the male caitlin clark" and society

[iamfitzwilliamdarcy]

Title: Agony! That Can Cut Like a Knife Summary: Tim Drake loves Gotham Sports, but Gotham Sports do not love Tim back (AO3)  A/N: I put too many italics in this for a tumblr post smh. Apologies in advance to citizens of Newark, my only encounters with New Jersey have been on the Turnpike and a view of the skyline across the river from a rooftop bar in Manhattan. Kinda want to apologize to Devils fans but maybe not enough to actually Do It.

For anyone who cares I set a Gotham Sports Team Roster because same names are used for different sports in different universes and this is what I decided to go with:

Football: Knights Hockey: Bats Baseball: Colonials Basketball: Buzzards

There was a low, pained groan from a couch in the main living room. Pained enough Bruce stopped to check it out. Jason was sitting in an armchair, eyeing the couch’s occupant with a particular kind of disbelieving, annoyed distaste.

Bruce couldn’t see who it was because they were slumped down, laying on the cushions. He peeked over to find Tim, hands peeking out of the too-long sleeves of his black Gotham Bats jersey. They covered his face, but he was looking through his fingers to watch the TV intensely.

Bruce followed Tim’s gaze to see the score and winced. “Still early in the season,” he said bracingly.

“Early?” Jason snorted. “It’s December.”

Tim did not respond, still watching intensely. He dropped his hands at a particularly bad turn-over to shout, “Oh come on!”

“Pace yourself,” Jason said, giving him that look again. “Or you won’t last to April. And we’ll need you in April.”

“Jason,” Tim said, sounding calm and intense, even as the game breaks away for a commercial. “I have never been chill about this team a day in my life.”

Jason muttered something that sounded like “Clearly.”

Bruce had been busy the past couple of months and hadn’t had much time to keep up with Gotham’s sports teams. Not that there had been much to keep up with. The Knights had ended their season quietly, as they had for the past decade--no playoff games, no Super Bowl hopes. There had been a brawl between teammates during a late season practice, but the team had kept that mostly hush-hush.

Hockey was only two months in but--well, he could see the score on the TV to see how that was going. The Buzzards, he’d read in the paper just that morning, weren’t doing much better.

He hadn’t had much time to hang out with his kids, either. He settled down next to Tim on the couch to watch, just in time for the game to return to commercials and a fight to break out over the face-off circle.

The second period closed with Gotham on a PowerPlay for another 1:30. Bruce got up to get snacks (“Popcorn,” Jason said, “With M&Ms!” Tim added.)

“Bruce,” Tim said  balefully, staring up at him with wide eyes as Gotham gave up a shorthanded goal and their goalie broke his stick against the crossbar. “Will you buy the me Bats, please?”

“I had a chat with Joseph Higgens last week, actually,” Bruce said casually.

Tim twisted around so suddenly he almost startled even Bruce. “Higgens?” Tim repeated in an incredulous hiss. “Higgens? The Devils, Bruce, really, have you no loyalty? You’re a traitor, this is treason!”

Jason turned his laugh into a cough,, and Bruce opened his mouth in defense of his Gotham pride, but Tim was working himself into a state. “You don’t just give up on your team because they keep losing! That’s your team, you can’t just choose any old other team in your state. You don’t get to choose, Bruce! You can’t just turn your back on Gotham!

“And Newark! Nobody wants to live in Newark. I’d rather die than live in Newark, jot that down Jason, I want that in my Advance Directives.”

“Fair,” Jason said, nodding. He had died, and he had been to Newark. He understood.

Tim steamrolled on, not even acknowledging he’d been validated. “Wait, are you sending me to Newark, a city I hate, to own the Devils, the team I hate? Why,” and Tim, to Bruce’s horror, sounded tearful, “do you hate me, B?”

“Tim,” Bruce said, a little helplessly. “Tim, honey, I was joking.”

He leaned over and lays a hand across Tim’s forehead. He felt a shade too warm, but not feverish enough to cause such a response. It was probably the jersey anyway.

“I’m not sick, Bruce,” Tim said mulishly. Then, suspiciously, “Did you call me honey? You don’t do that. You are sending me to Newark.”

He flopped over on the couch and buried his head into his arms. This was probably a good thing as Gotham was scored against again.

“Just put us out of our misery,” Tim mumbled.

“What’s wrong with Drake?” Damian had come in, Dick not far behind, juggling the leftover popcorn Bruce had left on the counter, and he stood, arms folded, lip curling as he examined Tim. “He looks more pathetic than usual.”

“Ah Timmy,” Dick said sympathetically, glancing at the screen. “A little early for the annual Gotham Sports-Induced emotional breakdown, isn’t it?”

“Fuck you and your seocnd rate Bludhaven ECHL team, Dick,” Tim snarled, words, but not his ire, muffled by the couch pillow and his own arms.

Dick blinked, unsure how to respond, and silence rang through the room, though Jason’s silence sounded suspiciously like silent laughter.

Tim turned over. “I’m sorry,” he said, meeting Dick’s eyes. “That was ugly.”

Then, balefully, “Bruce is sending me to Newark to live amongst filth. Please say your goodbyes now as I am not much longer for this world.”

“I am not sending you to Newark, Tim, for God’s sake,” Bruce snapped.

“I’ll miss you, buddy,” Dick said solemnly, patting Tim’s back as he sat down on the kid’s legs. He offered Tim some of the popcorn.

“You didn’t put M&M’s in,” Tim accused, but ate a handful anyway.

“If you care,” Bruce said, coming back on the other  side of the couch and throwing himself into his recliner. A cat streaked away from where he’d been about to sit and Damian threw him a filthy look, “I tried to buy the Bats for your birthday last month, but the bastard Eliot cousin won’t sell.”

“Honestly, Bruce,” Jason said, leaning back, “How are you the richest man in Gotham and you don’t own a single team?”

“No one will sell to me,” Bruce said glumly. “I tried to get the Knights a few years back, when they were about to go bankrupt, but Stan Diner wouldn’t let me.”

“He’s a Cobblepot cousin,” Jason said, casually, turning back to his book.. “The Penguin funds him. It’s shady.”

Bruce frowned at him. “How did I not know that?”

“Mm,” Jason said, not looking up. “I know something you don’t. I have connections you don’t.  And you said the mob wouldn’t pay,” he lowers his voice in a stern imitation, “Mob boss isn’t a career path, Jason, you said, but look who’s got the insider knowledge.”

Bruce closed his eyes and breathed in deeply.

Midway through his calming breath, Damian said, haughtily, “This sport is respectable.”

He opened his eyes to see a Gotham player dropping his glove and raining, admittedly admirable, rights on an opposing player.

“Have you never seen a hockey game?” Dick asked, frowning.

“God, I wish that were me,” Tim said, when Damian shook his head.

“Bruce,” Dick said, in that disappointed parent tone that always upset Bruce’s sense of order “You haven’t taken him to a game?”

“We haven’t had much time,” Bruce replied. Then, defensively, “I’ve taken him to many museums!”

“That’s barely culture!” Dick said.

“You take Dick to games?” Tim asked.

“He has box seats,” Jason put in.

Bruce wasn’t sure how this had turned on him.

“WE has box seats,” Bruce snapped. “Not me.”

“Bruce,” Tim said, looking at him with wide eyes that made him look sad and young. “You had box seats to the Bats and you never told me, the CEO of Wayne Enterprises?”

“He used to take me all the time,” Jason, the son whom he loved, said, betraying him,  while Dick shook his head sadly.

“Me too,” Dick added. “He’s got seats at the Knights, Buzzards, Colonials, Tim, he never told you?”

“No,” Tim said miserably, peeking at Bruce from his forlorn place on the couch. “Never.”

“They go to a WE family in a lottery system!” Bruce insisted.

“I am a WE family!” Tim said back. Then, abruptly, roared at the TV, “Fucking refs, I swear!”

“I guess it has been a while since we’ve all had a family outing to a sports endeavor,” Bruce admitted.

“Well don’t make it sound like textbook disease, B,” Dick said, rolling his eyes.

“The Bats play the Monarchs next week and I’m fully expecting to lose and also Tim Winston to fight at least three players,” Tim said.

“At the same time,” Jason added.

“I hope he gets his ass kicked,” Tim said.

“He won’t,” Jason said. “But he might get suspended again.”

“Boys,” Bruce said absently, thinking.

“You’ll take us, won’t you, B?” Tim said, suddenly pleading.

“I’ll call HR and make sure they haven’t gone for lottery yet,” Bruce agreed.

“A box seat,” Tim sighed wistfully, flopping back against the arm rest. “This whole time. To think I used to take Steph on dates to the nosebleeds.”

“Invite her,” Bruce said. “Barbara too,” he added at Dick.

“And Jonathan?” Damian asked, stiffly.

“If you want a Monarchs fan tagging along, sure,” Tim said, disgust evident.

“Tim,” Bruce scolded. Then, “Of course Jonathan can come. I’ll call Clark tomorrow.”

He looked around at his family, suddenly feeling warm. A day at the box seats at a Gotham Bats game would be good, fun bonding for them all.

“Fuck you, ref!” Tim yelled suddenly at the TV.

Jason shouted after, “And the horse you rode in on!”

Well, Bruce could hope.

[thelittleredheadedmusician]

Family Gatherings

This is pure self indulgent fluff. Also the Phone Fic that I keep bloging about. Can be found here on my ao3! Rating: PG (Mild language) Words: 5,112 Gen

Family gatherings are not words generally associated with the individuals who make up Gotham’s vigilantes. Strategy meetings, subterfuge, infighting, assassin, spy, creepy, know it all. These are terms they are well versed in. This is why the text message that Bruce sent out at 9 am on Saturday was such a surprise.

“I request that all of you come to the manor for a family gathering at 7. Alfred will be serving dinner promptly at 7:30. What the hell is that supposed to mean Tim?!” Dick could practically hear his little brother shrugging on the other end of the phone.

“I dunno. Maybe he wants to go over his will.”

“That’s not funny and you know it.”

“C'mon Dick! Like you have a better explanation?”

Dick sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “No. Do you think everyone will come?”

“I know Steph and Harper will out of pure curiosity. Everyone else,” Tim paused and took a deep breath, releasing the rest of his sentence on the exhale, “who knows.”

Dick nodded, not really caring that he couldn’t be seen as habit was habit. “Ok. Well Damian will be, Cass for sure, Babs is going to be there cause she hates being out of the loop, Jason…” Dick trailed off, looking down at his bare feet. He’d woken to find the text blinking at him from a half dead phone screen. Knowing that he’d have seen it already too Dick immediately called Tim and had been pacing around the apartment in his pajamas with the now nearly dead cell to his ear.

“Yeah,” Tim said empathically.

“Maybe he’ll come for Alfred?” Dick tried.

“You know him better than I do.”

“You’re right. And I don’t even know why he does half the things he does. I’ve gotta charge my phone. I’ll see you later?”

Tim snorted. “Of course you do. Alright, yeah. I’m meeting up with Tam soon anyway. Bye.”

“Bye,” Dick frowned at the phone. Now that the call with Tim had ended it had returned to the group chat Bruce had sent his text in. Not a single person had replied and Bruce likely didn’t expect them to. Just that they showed up. He stuck it on a charger in the living room and went to get a shower. After breakfast Dick collapsed onto the couch. Having wrapped up a case the night before he decided to reward himself with some video games.

Dick started up Call of Duty, grabbing a controller and his headset. He smiled as he saw that both Roy and Wally were currently online. He started a game with them and as soon as he slipped the headset on he could hear Roy swearing already. “What gives, it’s like 7 or something out there. How the hell are both of you awake and playing video games?” He asked once the cursing died down.

Wally snorted as his character took out a sniper on the screen. “Linda and the kids went to visit her parents. I’ve got the house to myself for the weekend and Bart and I have been playing all night. Kid passed out about 2 hours ago.”

Dick shook his head and tried to figure out how many energy drinks the speedster must’ve downed in order to still be awake. Especially taking into account his metabolism.

“How’d you get out of going with?” Roy tossed a grenade into the building on the screen, causing the whole thing to be temporarily covered in cgi flames.

“I’m the Flash. And her parents don’t know. Plus I’m on call for the League.”

“Then how was staying up all night a good idea if you were on call?” Dick punched a complicated series of buttons that Tim had shown him, taking out the three guys on the roof and the two on the ground.

“Clark’s on monitor duty. I’m just the back up. And nobody does anything in the middle of June. It’s like common knowledge.”

The other two made noncommittal sounds of agreement as they continued to play.

“Alright, Roy what’s your excuse?” Dick tried to reload as they were ambushed from above.

“Lian had a nightmare. I just got her back to sleep about a half hour ago and now I can’t sleep. Living on the West Coast has its perks when your gaming buddies don’t get up ‘til noon and live in Jersey.”

“I don’t know which part of that I should be more offended by. The fact you think I don’t get up ‘til noon or the way you said Jersey.”

“Jersey,” the others replied in unison.

Dick scoffed and pouted, not that it did any good as his friends were in Keystone and Star respectively.

“Alright, you’re chattier than usual. What gives?” Roy asked.

“What? What’s that supposed to mean?” Dick sputtered.

Wally paused the game and snorted. “Dude. You’re being nosy. Even for you. Plus you only ever play Call of Duty if stuck on a case or having personal drama. We’ve known you since you were in pixie boots, doesn’t take a detective to know your quirks by this point.”

Dick groaned and put the controller down, scrubbing his hands down his face. “Bruce texted us all this morning that he’s having a ‘family gathering’,” he knew they’d hear the implied air quotes in his tone, “and that we’re all expected to be there.”

“That’s rough,” Wally told him.

“Yeah man. D'you know why?” Roy added.

“No. And I don’t even know if everyone’s gonna bother showing up. He did it in a group chat but there still hasn’t been a response from anyone. I dunno. I honestly think I’d be less stressed if he’d said there was a mass break out at Arkham and we needed to meet for assignments.”

“Ok, that’s depressing. Also the fact that breakouts don’t even phase you anymore? Like? The hell?” Wally said, still obviously on an energy drink high.

“If we start an argument about rogues we’re gonna get so off topic and be here forever,” Dick shot back.

Grumbling could be heard from Wally but Dick was satisfied that his friend wouldn’t say anything.

“Lemme guess. You’re worried about Jason. You think cause Bruce asked you guys to come he’s not gonna bother,” Roy speculated.

“Pretty much,” Dick sighed. “Have you heard from him recently?”

“Sorry man. Last I heard he was running around with that new team of his. I think he’s still a little pissed I rejoined the Titans,” Roy replied.

“Yeah. Ok. Thanks.”

“Not a problem. Whine at us anytime, that’s what friends are for,” Dick could hear the smirk Roy was giving him.

“That and getting drunk at dive bars while listening to crappy cover bands together,” Wally chimed in.

Dick burst out laughing at that. “You can’t even get drunk!”

“So? Doesn’t mean I can’t go with!” Wally sounded wounded but Roy didn’t care about offending the other redhead and Dick knew his friend was about ready to crash and wasn’t going to remember much of this conversation anyway.

“Go to sleep West,” Roy got out between snorts.

“Seriously dude. Way too many red bulls.”

Wally grumbled and finally said, “Fine. Whatever. Text bout what happens,” before signing off.

“So do you think he’ll show?” Roy asked once he caught his breath.

“I honestly don’t know. As far as I’ve heard none of us have done anything to particularly piss him off recently. Not even Bruce. And it was a request, granted he’s going to just expect us all to be there but the text at least made it sound optional. And it said Alfred would be there which is always a plus for Jay.”

“Well good luck and keep me in the loop. I’m always willing to act as an outside opinion on your family’s drama,” Roy told him.

Dick chuckled. “That’s just because it makes your family drama look tame.”

“You bet! We made be loud and extremely dysfunctional but at least we haven’t tried to kill each other.”

“You make that sound like it happens a lot,” Dick whined.

“Dude.”

“Ok, ok. I’ll text you later.” Dick closed the game and pulled his headset off. Tossing it onto the coffee table he laid down on the couch. He was still unsure about what was going to happen later that night but he at least felt better knowing that he had friends who would let him vent afterward.

Dick swung his legs off the couch and stood in one fluid motion. He grabbed his phone, headphones, and keys and decided to go for a jog. It was a nice day, Gotham wasn’t too busy on a Saturday in the early afternoon, maybe he could have a normal jog for once. He returned to his apartment 20 minutes later after avoiding no less than six paparazzi, being cat called about ten times, and literally running into Helena. She had been out for a jog too and while he was trying to lose a particularly insistent cameraman they had both rounded the corner at the same time going in opposite directions. She had not been happy, yelling something about how he should watch where he’s going and “Dammit Grayson! That hurt!” As well as a mix of fairly creative curses in Italian.

Dick had offered to make it up to her but she just waved him off. Saying “You and Barbara are obviously both distracted. Bruce has got you ex sidekicks seriously messed up with these mind games. I’ll just send you Zinda and my next bar tab.” Dick had felt himself visibly pale at that and she had laughed and said not to worry before continuing on her way.

Dick was still pondering over her mention that Babs was distracted too. Obviously Bruce’s text was having some effect on her that Helena had mentioned it. Normally, the Birds were close knit and never talked about personal business with the rest of Gotham’s heroes. Especially not the personal business of Oracle their fearless leader.

Flopping back down on his couch Dick fished his phone out of his pocket. He tapped out a quick text to Babs and hit send, hopping something hadn’t suddenly sprung up that needed her attention. Luckily that wasn’t the case as her response was practically immediate.

~What’s up boy wonder? Helena said you ran into her and that you were super frazzled.

~I was wondering if you had heard anything about what Bruce wants us for tonight.

Her response to that took a bit longer and her words were obviously a bit more measured.

~No, I haven’t heard a thing. Why? Have you?

~No. I talked to Tim this morning and he says that he’s in the dark too. It’s obviously nothing serious but it’s been bugging me all day.

Her response to that was more relaxed. If he had to guess he’d say she had thought he knew something she didn’t, and Dick knew that she hated that.

~Me too! I can’t figure out what it is he could possibly want to talk about that we ALL need to be there. I mean, you boys and Cass yeah. Me, Steph, & Harper? Idk. Have you heard from Damian or Jason at all?

~No. I was going to head over in a bit to bug D though. Nothing on Jay.

~Yeah, same here. I kinda hope he comes at least for Alfred but…

~I was thinking the same thing Babs.

~Oh well. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. I’ll talk to ya later pixie boots.

~You’re one to talk miss go-go.

Her response was simply the eye roll emoji and Dick snorted as he slipped his phone back into his pocket. He let his head fall against the back of the couch and fell into a light doze. He woke from his brief nap and patted his shorts for his phone. There were no new messages from Babs, Bruce, Tim or anyone else. No missed calls or alien invasions either. The time told him he ought to get ready and head to the manor if he wanted to pump Damian for information. As well as just hang out with his youngest brother.

Once dressed in jeans and a clean t-shirt Dick headed to garage that occupied the basement of his apartment building. Shrugging on a leather jacket and fastening his helmet he gave the bike’s engine a good rev before driving up the ramp and onto the streets of Gotham.

Knowing that the cops would definitely try and stop Dick Grayson for speeding he made sure to restrain himself from weaving in and out of traffic, especially because Nightwing would be pushing the motorcycle through its paces soon enough. Sitting in Gotham wasn’t enjoyable but being able to fly up the manor’s long gravel drive sure made up for it. He pulled in next to Steph’s purple Mini Cooper, glad to see the Compact was holding up for her. He cut the engine and took his helmet off, giving his head a shake to undo any helmet hair.

Bounding up the steps he swung the over large front door open with a shout of “Hello? Anybody actually above ground?”

The sound of running feet could be heard coming from somewhere on the second floor as Dick put his jacket and helmet on the coat rack. He turned just as he heard a sharp “-tt-” coming from the balcony at the top of the steps. Damian stood there with his arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed, the twitch of his lips betrayed his annoyed facade. “Must you be so abhorrently loud, Grayson?”

“Must you be using SAT vocab at such a young age?” Dick shot back with a grin.

Damian rolled his eyes but his arms fell to his sides and his mouth finally turned up into a smile. “Brown and Row have coerced Cassandra into assisting in appropriating my room, the extra person on my side would be helpful.”

Dick chuckled, “Whatever you say Dami.” He ran up the stairs and followed Damian down the hall to his room. Sure enough the three girls were spread over the plush carpeting, nail polish bottles and other manicure supplies between them.

Damian crossed the room and sat himself on his bed next to Titus and Alfred the cat. The three watched the teen girls from their perch, Damian with minor annoyance, Titus with amusement, and Alfred with the type of utter nonchalance only achieved by felines. The girls glanced up at Dick who had paused in the doorway. Cass’s face immediately lit up and she fluidly rose to her feet and came over to wrap her arms around his neck. Dick returned the hug as she whispered a warm “Hi” in his ear.

“Hey Cass,” he murmured back. She let go and skipped back to the others. Harper gave him a small, two-fingered salute while Steph waved with a large smile. “How long have you been here?”

“Too long,” Damian instantly grumbled.

Harper snorted and Steph nearly doubled over in a fit of giggles. Cass quirked an eyebrow at her little brother before calmly sticking her tongue out at him. “We came for brunch with Cass as we had originally planned and just stayed since we all received the super mysterious text,” Steph told him once she had recovered from her laughter, which had doubled thanks to Cass’s antics.

Dick nodded in response and sat himself down on the floor next to them. Damian gave a short “-tt- Traitor.” He did however edge closer to the end of the bed where he could participate in their conversation.

Dick picked up a bottle of forest green polish and examined it. Cass held out her left hand to him, the fingers of which had been painted, to show him the color. He nodded and gestured that she let him do her other hand. Cass turned to face him as Dick shook the bottle. “So have you guys heard anything about tonight?”

“I wish,” Harper said with a slight huff. “He just kinda grumbled and bolted when we asked.”

“Seriously. We were having our lovely quasi weekly brunch and chatting with Alfred and chasing away this gremlin,” she waved her bright yellow nails at Damian who furrowed his brows indignantly. “All of a sudden, Mr I-am-the-night-and-cannot-properly-socialize-without-being-forced-by-my-over-energetic-ex-sidekick-or-alien-and-amazon-besties walks in-”

Dick nearly choked as a laugh burst out of his mouth, interrupting Steph.

“Can I help you?” She deadpanned with a raised brow.

“I’m good. Just, that’s a new one. Keep going.”

Steph sniffed and flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder. “As I was saying. Bruce walks in and kinda blinks at all of us sitting in his kitchen. Using his surprise to our advantage Harper courageously seized the moment and asked him what exactly this family gathering will entail tonight. He froze, looking exactly like a cat-sized crime alley rat in the batmobile’s headlights, while Cass jumped up to block his exit. I immediately jumped to add my assistance by asking if this means that Harper, Duke, and myself are technically family too at this point. He just blinked, grabbed a muffin, said something highly unintelligible, and beat a hasty retreat.” Steph gave a sharp nod before turning back to her nails.

Dick had to stop doing Cass’s nails as he was trying too hard on not laughing to keep his hand steady. She swatted at him before rolling her eyes and turning to Damian. “Come,” she said, handing him the nail polish. Damian blinked but skootched to the floor next to Cass and diligently began painting her nails.

Dick wiped at his eyes, trying to remember why he had been so against Steph being Batgirl when the two so easily amused each other. “So we’ve got nothing?” he finally asked.

“Nope,” Cass said, admiring Damian’s handiwork.

Harper tossed a bottle of matte black at the youngest Robin and waved her hand toward Dick. Damian blinked but began shaking the bottle and moved to sit in front of Dick. With a shrug he gave his little brother his hand to be painted. “We tracked down Duke then and asked him what he knew. Nada. Honestly we were kinda hoping you’d bring some info with you,” Harper added.

“I’ve got nothing,” he told them with a shrug. “Neither do Tim or Babs.”

“Have you tried contacting Todd?” Damian looked up from Dick’s hand.

“No. He threatened to have baby ducks imprint on me if I called him again.” Damian nodded sagely at that.

“I’m sorry, what?” Harper’s head and eyebrows had shot up.

“He’s been doing that lately. Something about how ‘we all have a death wish but we’ll take care of cute baby animals’ or something,” Steph said, using a poor imitation of Jason’s voice as she acted out his threat.

“You’re kidding?” Harper obviously didn’t believe them.

Cass just shook her head gravely. “No. And baby ducks? No patrol for months.”

“Plus they’re so darn cute like how could you not want to love them?” Steph said in a rush.

“Brown is correct. Also, it is entirely within Todd’s skill set to get them to imprint on one of us.” Damian looked at Harper seriously before turning back to apply another coat to Dick’s nails.

Harper blinked at them before narrowing her eyes, “If you guys are shitting me right now I swear…”

“Scouts honor!” Dick called and held up the three-finger salute.

Damian batted at his hand. “I swear Grayson if I have to redo this,” he grumbled.

“C’mere,” Steph tugged on Damian’s arm and held up a dark shimmering blue. He nodded and allowed her to begin painting.

“So do we have any ideas at least? I know you guys aren’t the type to just let something go,” Dick watched the others.

Cass shot him a smirk. “Understatement.”

There was a knock on the door frame and they all looked up to see Tim and a rather unsure looking Duke standing there. “Alfred told us that you were all up here. Mind if we come in?”

Damian sniffed, “It’s not like my opinion matters at this point.”

“I’m going to take that as a yes…” Tim walked in and took a seat next to Steph.

She squinted at him before leaning forward to search through the pile of small glass bottles. She found whatever one she was looking for and held it up triumphantly. “Maroon?” She asked Tim, waving it just in front of his nose. Tim shrugged and let her pull his hands towards him.

Duke sat down cautiously next to Dick. “So do they always do your nails or…?”

Dick smiled at him. “We don’t really get a say in the matter. Cass just paints them when you fall asleep if you say no.” The girl in question waggled her brows and grinned.

“What about Bruce’s?” Duke asked as he watched Harper shifting through the pile, holding colors up for Cass to consider.

“Ballet Slipper. Once a month,” Cass showed Duke the light pink color. His eyes widened in disbelief and Dick couldn’t help but laugh. Finally, Harper held up a pale orange that both Cass and Dick nodded at. She crawled towards Duke and pulled his hands onto her lap.

“So ideas regarding our impending doom?” Dick asked.

“Like I told you before, I think it’s a reading of his will. He even texted Kate and with the exception of Damian she’s his only living blood relative,” Tim said, peering over the top of Steph’s head.

“Damn Timbo. Way to be morbid. Also, why would I be here if that were the case seeing a how I am legally deceased.” They all whipped their heads to see Jason leaning in the doorway, a smirk on his lips and a nasty glint in his eye. He sauntered in and plopped himself down between Steph and Cass. “Give me the most obnoxious color you have,” he challenged.

“How bout this?” Harper wiggled her own bright metallic pink at him.

Jason scrunched up his nose with a “nah.”

Dick rummaged around in the pile before pulling out a glitter gold. He threw it to Jason who caught it and beamed. “Why thank you Dickie-bird.”

“So, uh, why did you come then?” Duke asked.

Jason shrugged and began to paint his own nails. “You know what they say. Curiosity killed the cat.”

“But satisfaction brought it back,” Duke finished the expression.

Jason gave the other boy a Cheshire smile. “I knew I liked you.” He then continued to add layers of glitter. They all just stared in shock for a few seconds. Jason looked up and his eyes skipped past them as he smiled. “Hey there Barbie. This Batgirl is free for manicure giving,” he said pointing to Cass.

Dick turned to see Babs just outside the door. Her expression was amused but the set of her mouth was definitely her trying to look annoyed. With an eye roll she wheeled herself into the room. “I thought we were supposed to be here for seven. Why is it that we all managed to get here just under three hours earlier?”

Dick pushed himself back up onto the bed so that he would be eye level with Barbara as the others offered up a jumble of explanations. “Paranoia” “Fear of the unknown” “Intrigue” and “Who the hell knows” were the few Dick could make out.

He mumbled “Slow day at the office” and caused Babs to crack up.

“That it is,” she told him with a smile. Cass held up a dark purple that Babs nodded at and before she could get up Dick grabbed the bottle. He turned to Babs and motioned for her hand. They spent the rest of the time leading up to the big meeting sitting in a circle in Damian’s room with painted nails and the animals now nudging for attention.

That was exactly how Bruce and Kate found them when they went looking for them. Dick had seen them coming up the hall and gave a quick jut of his chin to acknowledge them. They had stopped short of coming in though, Kate wearing a huge smile and Bruce his more subdued but still genuine lip twitch.

They stood there for a few seconds, watching as Steph and Jason fell against each other in a fit of giggles. Cass had taken the tiny hair rubber bands and was using them to give Damian braids. Duke and Tim were engaged in a detailed discussion of Lord of the Rings and Harper was letting Babs style her short blue hair. All in all they looked like an average, happy family.

Bruce cleared his throat and they all turned to see him and Kate. Cass leapt to her feet and hopped over the legs of everyone else to go give Bruce a hug. Dick couldn’t help but smile because the hug was obviously more forceful than the one she had given him. Or Bruce hadn’t been expecting it as he had swayed slightly when she had jumped up to wrap her arms around his neck. Kate laughed and ruffled Cass’s hair.

Once Cass released him Bruce attempted to recover by smoothing out the wrinkles in his polo shirt. Dick and the others simply waited, knowing that he would speak when ready. He looked up and gave another small smile. “Thank you all for coming. Kate has… explained to me that having monthly gatherings might help you all with your stress levels and, ah, work on interpersonal relations.”

Kate rolled her eyes and give him a sharp jab in the side courtesy of her elbow. Bruce shot her a wounded look that Dick had to try very hard not to laugh at but his cousin ignored it. “What the stick in the mud is trying to say is that we’re having a game night because you all need a morale boost. Now c’mon, Alfred’s got dinner ready.”

With that Kate turned on her heel and marched back down the hall. Bruce gave a sharp nod before following her in a hasty retreat. They all looked around at each other in a stunned silence. Dick pinched himself for good measure, this wouldn’t be the weirdest dream he’d ever had but it was still good to rule out the possibility.

“What the actual, ever-loving fuck?” Jason finally said.

“What he said,” Harper pointed at Jason, eyes wide.

“Grayson, you have the most experience with Father and his moods. What could this be about?” Damian looked up at him from the carpet.

Dick shrugged and shook his head. “I’m honestly as lost as you are. Maybe we should go eat and, I don’t know, enjoy it?”

They all looked much too suspicious to actually enjoy anything but Dick dutifully herded them towards the dining room. Tim hung back until he had fallen in step with Dick. “You don’t actually think he wants us to play monopoly with him or something?” The younger man asked.

“I really don’t know Tim. Kate’s been getting him to actually be Bruce rather than Brucie or Batman lately and this is obviously all her.”

Tim snorted, “Ya think?”

Dick ruffled Tim’s hair and gained a rather interesting hand flail and cat like yowling combination in protest. Finger combing his hair back into position Tim sent him a glare. “I think we should trust Kate on this one and see what happens. Also, you either need a haircut or one of those ponytails Cass had.”

Tim’s glare turned up to full on bat and had Dick not known the kid, or been just about anyone else, he probably would’ve run in fear. As it was he could handle a few dirty looks from Tim.

Dinner was delicious, as everything Alfred made was. The conversation was semi-normal too. Steph complaining about classes, Harper talking about her work at the clinic, Dick told them about his run in with Helena that Babs then added the other half of the story to. No one made a single death threat, no food or utensils were thrown, and all insults were good natured teasing. For a second Dick thought he fell into a parallel world.

That feeling only got worse as Alfred chased them to the living room while he cleaned up. Jason stayed to help and the butler begrudgingly let him. The two joined the others soon enough and they began an intense game of Cards Against Humanity. Alfred and Babs soon took the lead, surprising everyone except maybe Alfred himself.

Bruce came in dead last, only earning that position by having a single less card than Damian. Steph and Jason tied for second and in a surprise twist Cass won. Kate was still cackling at some of the combinations that had won and Babs was telling her she could send the security footage to her later. They played well into the night and Barbara contacted the Birds to patrol as Bruce indicated that the assembled vigilantes were not leaving anytime soon. By the wee hours of the morning they had all stumbled upstairs to their respective bedrooms with the exception of Kate, Bruce, Alfred, and Dick himself.

He had stretched out on the floor watching as Kate slowly took over the sofa and Bruce was forced to go claim his recliner. Alfred chuckled from the love seat, a late-night cup of tea in hand.

“So how do you think it went, chum?” Bruce asked him once he had settled.

Dick shrugged, feeling his shoulders push against the carpet. “You had us all really worried. Tim was convinced that you were going to read us your will.”

Bruce snorted, Kate cracked up and sat up to be able to look down at Dick. “You’re kidding,” she accused.

Dick smirked, “I wish.”

They all laughed and once it had died down Alfred said, “Well you do have a tendency to have the whole family over only in the case of emergencies, Master Bruce.”

That received a small “Hnnh.”

“He’s right. I was telling Roy and Wally that I would’ve been less worried if it had been an Arkham breakout.”

Bruce shot him a wounded look before frowning at a point just above the fireplace. “I want to try and change that,” he finally said.

“If it helps I think this was a really good start. Monthly family game nights definitely are a thing normal people do. And I had fun, I think the others did too. Even Jason,” Dick told him candidly. Bruce nodded, a small smile forming. “Just next time don’t call it a family gathering. You scared the crap out of all of us.”

[junker-town]

2021 NBA player rankings, Nos. 10-1: Why Anthony Davis will be the best player in 4 years

It was a difficult choice and not a unanimous one, but Anthony Davis edged out several others to top our list.

We’ve finally reached the end of our countdown of the 101 best NBA players in 2021. Unlike the last time we did this exercise, the choice for No. 1 was not a simple one. If you asked each of us individually, we’d have 10 different top fives. But because this was a draft and not a consensus list, we ended up with 28-year-old Anthony Davis and a ton of internal arguments along the way.

Also in this final segment of the list: an unexpected selection at No. 4 that threw the entire draft out of whack. Plus, you’ll be curious to know where the current King of the league went.

10. Russell Westbrook

Age in 2021: 32 (13 seasons)

CHRIS GREENBERG: By 2021, Russ will have accrued four more years’ worth of motivating slights involving everyone anywhere close to him on this list. Given the likeliest relative states of the Thunder, Warriors, Lakers, Spurs, and LeBron over that span, he’ll probably still be chasing that ring wherever he is calling home.

This guy is going to be mad. Going hard. At everyone. Every night. Box scores, stacked. Opponents, racked. Even worse for everyone else, he might still be the most sweltering, stubborn force on the court.

Everyone else’s reactions

TOM ZILLER: He’ll be 32, and athletic guards usually age poorly. But Dwyane Wade held it together for a couple more years, and you can certainly see Westbrook’s indestructible body surviving four more seasons.

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: Unless Westbrook becomes an incredible three-point shooter, I can’t see a 32-year-old guard who relied mostly on athleticism still being an MVP-caliber player.

JOSHUA BROOM, WELCOME TO LOUD CITY: Given the reigning MVP's sheer reliance on athleticism, his still ranking in the top ten while almost 33 years old is quite the compliment. I'd place Russ between No. 17-25, personally.

It will be interesting to see how 6'3 Westbrook's floor game adjusts when his spring is past its prime.

KOFIE YEBOAH: I’d be fine with this pick up to the year 2019. Any time frame longer than that, I have trouble believing.

RICKY O’DONNELL: I truly do not want to imagine a world with old Westbrook.

ZITO MADU: [Westbrook voice] Why not?

More reading material

9. Joel Embiid

Age in 2021: 27 (7 seasons, technically)

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: I gave myself a rule: I wasn’t going to pick anyone over age 30 in this draft. Joel Embiid is a franchise-altering talent who hasn’t stayed healthy. I made this pick under the assumption he’s on the court more often than not in 2021.

Embiid checks all the boxes a team could want in a big man. He blocks shots, shoots threes, is a terror on the low and high blocks, dances shirtless at a Meek Mill concert, cursed out LaVar Ball, and wants to date Rihanna. If he gets over the injury bug, there’s no doubt he’s one of the league’s top talents in four years.

Everyone else’s reactions

TIM CATO: This is the Andrew Bynum predicament that we had in 2013, although we’re much more hopeful about Embiid, of course. Either he’s a top-10 player because he stays relatively healthy, or he’s out of the top 100 altogether if he cant. (Bynum ended up getting picked No. 82 four years ago.)

TOM ZILLER: Glad someone else took the plunge so it didn’t have to be me.

RICKY O’DONNELL: I almost took Embiid at No. 3. I would have considered him at No. 1, too. His impact defensively was incredible as a rookie. And he’s only been playing the game for, like, five years! Please keep this man healthy.

KYLE NEUBECK, LIBERTY BALLERS: If we're going to assume his body doesn't fall apart—and you need to if you're placing him this high at all—I would lean toward him being a top-five player. He was one of the best players in the league when he played last year, and that's with no previous NBA experience and debilitating injuries keeping him off the court for the prior two seasons.

Ranking him is super tough. I just believe you either have to go all-in or just sort of write him off.

WHITNEY MEDWORTH: I don’t trust his knees :(

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: But do you trust the process?

KOFIE YEBOAH: I am Kofie Yeboah and I do trust the process.

MATT ELLENTUCK: Joel Embiid can have my legs if he ever needs them. Good pick.

ZITO MADU: Sports has taught me that in the face of all evidence and sad reality, people will always have hope. I applaud this pick as a sign of human optimism.

More reading material

8. Kyrie Irving

Age in 2021: 29 (10 seasons)

WHITNEY MEDWORTH: Kyrie Irving wanted to leave LeBron James, his championship ring, and three straight Finals appearances to go be “the man” elsewhere. That elsewhere is now in Boston with Brad Stevens working his magic.

Assuming that Kyrie buys into what Stevens is selling, he better be in the top 10 of NBA players. This will be the peak Kyrie Irving at age 29, and he should be the best point guard in the league. Right, Kyrie?

Everyone else’s reactions

JEFF CLARK, CELTICS BLOG: Kyrie has always had top 10 talent, but this ranking foretells a perfect blend of dedication (by Kyrie), coaching (by Brad Stevens), and environment (roster built by Danny Ainge) to maximize his skills.

MIKE PRADA: Fascinating to see how this develops.

I was of the opinion that No. 8 in four years — and the best point guard in the NBA to boot — would be an absolute best-case scenario for Irving. I figured he’d get sent to a team that wouldn’t be ready to compete around him, dooming him to NBA irrelevancy.

But now he’s in Boston, with a good team that has terrific complementary pieces, young’ins to extend the window (or cash in for another star), and a coach that runs a fun system that gets the most out of stars.

The question is whether Irving willing to fully buy in to Brad Stevens’ style of play. I’m a little skeptical, but if he can, this might not be too nuts a ranking after all.

RICKY O’DONNELL: I just don’t see how Kyrie becomes a better player than Steph over the next four seasons.

CHRIS GREENBERG: Kyrie doesn’t necessarily have to be better than Steph — although the age difference could take care of that over four years. He just has to beat him. Curry was switched onto Irving in the waning seconds of Game 7 of the 2016 NBA Finals. Irving drained the three-point shot. The Land got a title.

Look out for Boston.

TOM ZILLER: I’m only concerned about whether Kyrie will still be a Flat Earther in four years.

More reading material

7. LeBron James

Age in 2021: 36 (18 seasons)

TIM CATO: Y’all really let LeBron James slip this far. Y’all really let perhaps the most aberrational deviation from normal human athleticism we’ve possibly ever seen, at least in this sport, slip to No. 7.

LeBron will be turning 36 in 2021, not rolling over onto his deathbed. Y’all know that last season, Bron had the most dunks of his entire career. For normal humans like you and me, we start declining athletically in the 30s, but LeBron’s getting better. Jokes on any of us who thought a supernatural athlete’s body would behave in normal, typical ways. We’re also coming off James’ best three-point shooting season of his career.

Yes, he’s going to start falling off in a few areas, but I’d be surprised if he’s not still a top-five player by the time 2021 rolls around. It just doesn’t seem feasible for James to be anything but great. Not until he’s 40 at least, damnit.

Everyone else’s reactions

TOM ZILLER: Karl Malone won a (fraudulent) MVP at age 36, and Michael Jordan won one at 35. So it’s certainly plausible that LeBron — who is way better than the former and on par with the latter as a talent — could perform at a top-five level at age 36.

The difference is that Jordan had 43,361 NBA minutes (regular season and playoff) when he won that final NBA MVP in 1998. LeBron already has 50,399 career minutes ... with four years to go until 2021.

LeBron is the only fighter you’d want in this battle, but Father Time is undefeated.

CHRIS MANNING, FEAR THE SWORD: As long as he gets some rest between now and then, age 37-38 season LeBron should still be very, very good.

WHITNEY MEDWORTH: The NBA is changing the schedule already in LeBron’s favor. Fewer back-to-backs, no more four-game-in-five-night stretches. Players are taking care of their bodies better now than ever. Plus, he can easily adapt his game to whatever it needs to be.

Never doubt, Bron. Not even 36-year-old Bron.

KOFIE YEBOAH: LeBron is a terminator, but it’s hard to imagine him still being this dominant going into his 18th season of pro basketball.

MIKE PRADA: Old Bron will be fascinating. Kobe didn’t exactly exit the NBA gracefully and Bron has more miles on him than Kobe did. Could it all fall apart at once for Bron like it did one day for Kobe? It’s hard to doubt him, but it was hard to doubt Kobe at the time, too.

Either way, I don’t think he’ll be No. 7. Either Bron will still be the undisputed king of the league, or he’ll be a sad, broken-down version of his former self. Hoping for the former.

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: In four years, LeBron will not be a top-five player. I’m sorry, I don’t believe it. He might not be in the NBA at all. He may end up retiring before 2021 to pursue that good ol’ acting career.

TIM CATO: What, is acting the new minor league baseball?

But I am still deadly serious about this pick. Give me Bron and his all-time historic greatness and I’ll fight any battle you send my way.

MATT ELLENTUCK: Wait, are we talking about the DJ or the player?

Doesn’t matter, LeBron is indestructible and I laugh at anyone who questions how good he will be in four years.

RICKY O’DONNELL: I look forward to taking Bronny James when we do this exercise again in 2021 for the 2025 season.

6. Kawhi Leonard

Age in 2021: 29 (10 seasons)

KOFIE YEBOAH: Kawhi is great defensively, and his offensive production has improved every year he’s been in the league. I can’t wait to see how dominant he becomes in a league where the seemingly immortal LeBron James gets older and older. Pretty soon, he’ll ... Kawhiet every doubter out there. *runs*

Everyone else’s reactions

MIKE PRADA: Hey, terrible puns are my jig.

We all missed the boat on this one. Kawhi will only be 29 in four years, smack in the middle of his prime. He gets better every year, to the point that I’ve stopped pretending I know how good he can be. I ultimately chose the dude next on this list ahead of him, but it was a tough decision. You could honestly make an argument for Kawhi being the No. 1 player in the league in four years and I wouldn’t blink.

We always overlook the Spurs, don’t we?

TIM CATO: You could honestly make an argument for Kawhi being the No. 1 player in the league right now and I wouldn’t blink. He’s gotten demonstratively better every season he’s been in the league. How’d he fall this far!?

TOM ZILLER: “We all missed the boat on this one.”

The fact that we saw “you could make an argument for him at No. 1” tells me I didn’t miss the boat on this one, being the guy with the No. 1 pick.

But this is a good selection. He should be a spot higher, at least.

TIM CATO: Hey, it was your own argument, Ziller!

BRUNO PASSOS, POUNDING THE ROCK: This is a tad low for Leonard, who's just entering his prime and has finished in the top 3 in MVP voting the last two years.

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: If Giannis Antetokounmpo was off the board and I was picking, I’d have picked Kawhi second. Damn you all for forcing me to the bottom.

WHITNEY MEDWORTH: Coach Pop can make 40-year-old players look good. Can you imagine an extremely prime Kawhi Leonard? Wooooweeeee. He should be higher.

ZITO MADU: The Spurs will still be surrounding him with 40-year-olds and undrafted European players in the future.

CHRIS GREENBERG: Kawhi probably won’t get the respect he deserves in 2021 either.

More reading material

5. Kevin Durant

Age in 2021: 32 (14 seasons)

MIKE PRADA: KD will be 33 in four years, the same age LeBron James will be this December. That’s working out just fine for Bron, isn’t it? Why wasn’t KD more in contention for the top spot on this list? (Especially ahead of the dude coming up next ... ).

There’s a slight worry that KD’s history of foot trouble will doom him, but he’s coming off one of the most dominant NBA Finals ever and can afford to rest during the regular season to stay fresh. He just finished the most efficient and least turnover-prone season of his career, and he was already damn efficient and careful with the ball. As long as he’s seven feet, he’ll get whatever shot he wants off. That won’t change in four years, not when the Warriors’ offense serves up easy looks on a silver platter.

He’d be No. 1 on my list, with Kawhi No. 2. I’m stunned both were there when it was my turn.

Everyone else’s reactions

JUSTIN MAK, GOLDEN STATE OF MIND: After 5-peating as champions, KD and Stephen Curry (13th) go down as a GOAT-tandem. Anywhere below 1 and 2 is ludicrous.

TIM CATO: It’s still unfair that Durant suddenly turned into one of the league’s best defenders in the past few years. He always had these moments, but suddenly becoming a legitimate, 82-games-a-year rim protector and versatile switcher in addition to his offense? Damn.

Durant’s going to finish as a top ... 10 player of all time? Dare I say top five? He needs to stay healthy, but I believe that’s an extremely reasonable prediction.

RICKY O’DONNELL: We are all idiots for letting KD slip this far.

TOM ZILLER: I considered Durant for No. 1 but the foot trouble and his still-slight frame made me go another direction. Part of the comparison to current LeBron that strikes me as off is that Peak LeBron was much better than Peak Durant to date. He’s also more muscular and well-rounded. The thin die first in a famine!

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: I stayed away from players who will be over 30 in 2021, and Durant falls in this category. But he’ll certainly be the best player in his age bracket in four years.

More reading material

4. Kristaps Porzingis

Age in 2021: 25 (6 seasons)

MATT ELLENTUCK: I’ve receved a lot of heat for this pick, but I never even came close to hesitating. If you don’t see how unicornly unicorny Kristaps Porzingis is by now, I give up. If you don’t understand how that talent is going to translate when he’s 26 years old, bulkier, and maybe not a Knick anymore, I’m not sure how to explain it.

He’s a 7’3 shooter who can stretch out to anywhere. He’s been forced to play power forward in a system neither he nor his teammates liked. Just wait until he’s in the right situation that lets him play center.

He’s also 22 years old right now, so in four years, he will just start to reach his prime.

(Go away, inevitable criticism.)

Everyone else’s reactions

JOE FLYNN, POSTING AND TOASTING: The greatest Knicks draft pick since Ewing officially takes his place as the greatest Knick since Ewing.

MIKE PRADA: Are you serious, Matt?

WHITNEY MEDWORTH: The Knicks won’t allow Kristaps to be this good.

MIKE PRADA: There’s that, which is a huge part of why this pick makes no sense. Even if you assume that Kristaps really is the fourth-most-talented player in the NBA in four years, what are the chances the Knicks actually nurture it correctly?

There’s also the fact that as fun as Kristaps is, his game does not measure up to several of his peers just yet. His PER was so-so last year, his true shooting percentage was around the league average, and he’s not a great playmaker or defender against smaller players yet. He will obviously improve because the Knicks put him in the absolute worst situation possible last year, but he has a bigger mountain to climb than I think a lot of folks realize. (And remember: That assumes the Knicks actually put him in a position to climb it going forward, which is a huge assumption.)

The guy Matt picked last round (Nikola Jokic, No. 14) is younger, more productive, and plays for a better team than KP. Nobody considered Jokic in the top five in this exercise, so why would Porzingis be included? I want him to be this good, but realistically he belongs in the late teens or early 20s.

MATT ELLENTUCK: I’m extremely hesitant to use advanced numbers against any player inside his first four years in the league. For a Knick, I might even extend that time frame. For someone who was a Knick in year two, and more specifically a Knick in 2017, I am going to extend that time frame some more.

This is about where Porzingis can be in 2021, and I think his ceiling is this high.

TOM ZILLER: I don’t think it’s ridiculous to think Porzingis will be really good in four years — he’s really good now! But to be better than Durant, LeBron, Kawhi, Westbrook and James Harden? That’s a big ask.

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: I think Kristaps will eventually be a player the likes of which the NBA has never seen. I don’t think he gets to that point by 2021.

ZITO MADU: By 2021, Kristaps will be playing for the Lakers, so I’m fine with this.

CHRIS GREENBERG: On the bright side, Matt, I have many Knicks fans in my family who will love seeing this. Uncle Elliot, this is for you.

More reading material

3. Karl-Anthony Towns

Age in 2021: 25 (6 seasons)

RICKY O’DONNELL: Karl-Anthony Towns should have been a junior in college last season. He still averaged 25 points and 12 rebounds per game while finishing top-15 in the league in true shooting percentage, PER, and win shares. He’ll be 25 years old in 2021 and should be reaching the height of his powers.

I see Towns as a player with very few holes in his game. He can score with his back to the basket, stroke three-pointers, and clean the glass. He also has the frame to handle center responsibilities long-term if the Wolves ever let him do it. Look for him to grow as a passer as the Wolves continue to build around him.

I might have gone with Joel Embiid — who has a clear edge defensively — if you could have promised me his health. Instead, here’s hoping Tom Thibodeau doesn’t run Towns into the ground before he’s legally old enough to rent a car.

Everyone else’s reactions

ERIC GOLDMAN, CANIS HOOPUS: Third? Are Michael Jordan from Space Jam and Superman going to be in the league in 2021?

TOM ZILLER: I almost took Towns No. 1 overall. The numbers at his age and development arc are ridiculous. The Wolves should certainly be a winning team this season, too, so he can add that to his résumé. What a player.

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: This is the same as saying Karl-Anthony Towns is an MVP candidate in 2021. Not so sure I’m on that bus.

MIKE PRADA: Not entirely sure what happened to his defense last year, because we were praising him on that end every year prior. Assuming that turns around, Towns absolutely can be an MVP candidate. Solid selection.

TIM CATO: You can actually rent a car before you turn 25. They just charge you more. (Trust me, I would know!) Do we think KAT can afford it?

More reading material

2. Giannis Antetokounmpo

Age in 2021: 26 (8 seasons)

ZITO MADU: I knew I made the right choice when I logged into Twitter, saw Giannis asking Kobe Bryant what challenge the Lakers legend had for him, and Kobe replied with “MVP.”

MVP https://t.co/cjmWH5Mqyz

— Kobe Bryant (@kobebryant) August 27, 2017

Not that Giannis will get it this year, but it seems inevitable at some point in his career. He improves in leaps and bounds every year, so by 2021, the NBA might have to count him as two players to make the game fair for others.

Everyone else’s reactions

KOFIE YEBOAH: It was very stupid of me to think that Giannis would fall to me at No. 6. I can’t wait until he’s the King of the League.

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: I had every intention of picking Giannis until I realized I was picking No. 9. Must be nice.

TIM CATO: I would’ve taken him first — after a whole lot of hand wringing.

KYLE CARR, BREW HOOP: ​The rise of Giannis has been amazing, to say the least. Be has gone from man of mystery to the heir to best player of the Eastern Conference, and he still can get better. By 2021, it will require only one hand to name players better than him.

RICKY O’DONNELL: Can someone who can’t shoot really be the best player in the league in this era? I’m not doubting Giannis at all, but it will be fascinating to see how he adapts his game as he reaches his prime.

TIM CATO: Can someone address Ricky’s (totally valid) argument, please? I’m too busy watching Antetokounmpo go from the opposite three-point line to dunking in two dribbles to be bothered with him right now.

TOM ZILLER: Giannis is already almost an A+ at all important basketball skills except shooting. If he’s a C shooter, he can be right there at the top.

MIKE PRADA: There’s some logic to Ricky’s point, but Giannis is also the kind of player that can completely warp what skills actually matter in the NBA. In other words: Shooting matters for like 99 percent of NBA players, and Giannis is the 1 percent. I would have put him in contention for No. 3 with Towns and the guy who went No. 1, behind KD and Kawhi.

I’m also a little concerned that the Bucks won’t fully maximize his potential, but that might be an irrational fear.

More reading material

1. Anthony Davis

Age in 2021: 28 (9 seasons)

TOM ZILLER: This was a tough pick, truly. I considered Giannis, Towns, and Durant in addition to The Brow.

It ended up being a series of comparisons that led me here. Giannis is wonderful and a smart pick at No. 2, but Davis has done the unicorn things more consistently for longer. The same applies to Towns — he’s incredible, but has only been able to show that for two season. Davis has been unreal for four.

As for Durant, he’ll be 33 entering the 2021-22 season, whereas Davis will be just 28. It’s similar to where LeBron and Durant were entering this season in terms of age. We don’t yet know if KD will age like LeBron — in other words, we don’t have evidence that Durant will continue to add and refine skills and make his body a masterpiece. Durant has also had injury issues LeBron did not.

Of course, Davis is a walking bag of maladies. But I have faith that his body will get right and so will his team, whether that’s in New Orleans or elsewhere. The Brow is still the future of the league until someone forcibly takes that title from him.

Everyone else’s reactions

OLEH KOSEL, THE BIRD WRITES: At 28 years of age, there's a good chance this high-flying 7-footer will have mastered every facet in his prime: long range shooting, playmaking, and winning tons of games. But I admit I'd feel better about the top overall pick if someone were to finally rid the Voodoo curse ravaging New Orleans locker rooms sooner rather than later!

CHRIS GREENBERG: This is a good and true pick.

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: You smart. You loyal.

TIM CATO: “I considered Giannis, Towns, Durant, and Dion Waiters,” is the sentence Ziller wanted to write.

TOM ZILLER: You know the true me.

ZITO MADU: This all depends on him being able to balance basketball and his role as a Kaiju in the new Pacific Rim, but good choice.

TIM CATO: Jokes aside, this is really just about whether the injuries catch up to Davis before his overwhelming talent fully develops, right?

He’s already this good at age 24, with an increasingly unstoppable mid-range game that’s coupled with incredible finishing around the rim. He can be better on defense, but he’s already good. He can start hitting threes consistently, but he’s slowly shooting more of those anyway.

He can stay healthy? I wish I could put that question mark in 72-point font, because it’s the only one that matters for Davis. Well, that, and getting him some decent teammates, damnit.

MIKE PRADA: I’d have placed Davis No. 4 or No. 5, which is probably a little lower than most. To me, KD and Kawhi were clear Nos. 1 and 2, with Giannis, AD, and Towns in some order thereafter.

Health is a big reason, but not the only reason.

The other reason is that Davis is much more of a play finisher than a play starter. Last year, only 34 percent of his buckets were unassisted — and that was a career high. It was also only the second season in which that mark cracked 30 percent.

Towns, by comparison, was already at 36 percent last year despite being three years younger. Kawhi and Giannis were both well over 50 percent, and KD was over 48 percent every year since 2010-11 before dropping to 38 percent on the loaded Warriors.

This is splitting hairs, of course. AD is arguably the best play finisher in the league already, which counts for something. But relative to the other real candidates for the top spot, Davis needs more help to put him in positions to succeed.

Barring improvement, that’s enough for me to drop him down ever so slightly.

More reading material

INTRO | FULL LIST | TOP 100 OF 2017 | HOW WE DID IN 2013 | SNUBS | 101-91 | 90-81 | 80-71 | 70-61 | 60-51 | 50-41 | 40-31 | 30-21 | 20-11 | 10-1 | THE CASES FOR NO. 1